Internal pain lft side bellow rib

Hello my costo friends. Been dealing with costo for a year and a half now and just can't get it to fully go away. Heart has been cleared by multiple doctors/tests and I know my back/ribs are the cause of the problem. I've used the backpod multiple times a day for over a year now, can easily use it with no pillows and can raise by butt off the floor for a deeper push. I'm also following Steve's program of the 2 exercises, the side to side rotations, multiple different stretches and get deep tissue massages once every 2-3 weeks. I would estimate I'm about 50% better than I was at the start of cosco, but not making an more progress.
Since I truly believe it's a back issue, and I'm a larger dude (6'1 260 - former football and rugby player) I thought maybe I needed something a bit more intense than the back pod. About 2 weeks ago I bought the 3 inch peanut shaped corkball(s) that has been discussed on here. The first 5ish days I used it, I could see a noticeable reduction in pain. My back was sore when using it, like when you first start using the backpod. I thought that was a good sign and I was on my way to finally getting out of this hell.
After the first week, the costo pain has been back to about what it normally is and I feel like I'm back to square one. My back has hurt more than before so I'm a bit worried that maybe I've over done this with the cork ball. Has anyone else had similar experience or and advice on what to try next? I refuse to believe I'll have this forever but it's getting harder and harder to keep the faith.
Best of luck to you all on our path to wellness!

Chapter 1
“Ms. Burner am I boring you”. Lacy was awakened by her Teacher spouting off in her usual rant on how people never seem to pay attention in her class. “No Mrs. Hansen, I just dozed off.” Lacy hadn't remembered falling asleep. She tended to do that a lot. She would enter her mind and drift off into a space where she didn't have any thoughts, just an empty spot in her head. That was how she would fall asleep so easily. Her friends and family thought she was narcoleptic and that she needed medication, but Lacy knew that it was just something she had always been able to do. Time seemed to tick on and on in that soul sucking classroom as Mrs. Hansen droned on and on about some subject that Lacy would never need. She felt the sleep creeping in on her but fought it as another strike would end her up in the principal's office and another speech from her father on how she needed to focus in class if she ever wanted to make something of herself. Just as Lacy was about to fall asleep the bell rang making her jump. Lacy was the first to get up before she was stopped. “Lacy, can we talk for a second?” Lacy hated Mrs. Hanse's voice. It always sounded like she felt like she was more important than everyone else. “Lacy, I noticed that you haven't been completing the optional assignments I give yall, and the assignments you need to do you do the bare minimum. It's your senior year, you need to start taking your school work more seriously if you want to get into a good college.” Lacy had already heard this speech before and this probably wouldn't be the last time that she heard it. “I was just really tired today, Mrs. Hansen. I promise it won't happen again.” Lacy turned to walk away from her teacher. She used to get in trouble for doing that but lately it seems that her teachers have gotten used to it. Lacy hated interaction, if she could find a way to not talk to someone she would look for it. It wasn't hard for Lacy to be alone. It's not like she liked being alone, she just didn't mind it. Lacy left the classroom, the only thing on her mind was what she was gonna do this weekend. She usually just sits in her room and listens to music, but recently she started going to the park and would watch the ducks and people. She liked the park because it made her feel like things were going on outside of her life. “Hey Lace wait up” The voice was Collin, a guy who was very obviously interested in Lacy. He would call her Lace which annoyed her but she decided it was better to ignore him than start a conversation she didn't want to have. Lacy wasn't interested in Collin but she liked having someone around. “Do you wanna go to the overpass? Some other people are having a party there.” Lacy wouldn't usually go to things like this but this time she felt something pushing her to go to this party. “Sure, I just need to go home and change first”.
Chapter 2
Lacy walked through the front door of her house to a tv turned up too loud and her father passed out in front of it. From an outside view on Lacy you would look at her and assume that her family life was lacking, but Lacy’s father took care of her and loved her more than life itself. Lacy viewed her father as the best person on the face of the earth. After the loss of her mother, Lacy’s father took up a second job which caused him to sleep more. Lacy didn't mind, she just wanted her father happy. Lacy changed into a black dress and black leather boots and left to go to the underpass. While she was leaving her father awoke. “Lacy I didn't know that you were home.” Lacy's father was a burly man with a beard. The kind of person you want walking with you at night but in reality he was a gentle giant. He worked at a local hardware store and at night he would work as a gas station attendant. He was a hard working man that made Lacy feel as if she could be doing more. “Yeah dad I was just about to head to a party with some friends. I'll be back around nine.” Lacy wanted to stay in with her dad and watch movies but she knew that her father would have wanted her to socialize with other people her age. “You be careful, I can't lose you too.” The sentence came out of nowhere and Lacy didn't know how to respond before her father fell back to sleep. Lacy left the house questioning herself if she should stay or go. Lacy decided that her father would rather her go than stay and pity him. As Lacy was walking away from the porch she noticed a van parked across the street. She chose to ignore it and continue on to the overpass. Along the way she noticed that the van was following her. Lacy became worried and pulled out her phone to call her father. Suddenly Lacy was struck on the side of her head. “Grab her legs. The Shepard is gonna love this find. We gotta get this girl in the hole right away.”
Lacy drifted in and out of consciousness. The last thing she saw was a hole that had a dark aura around it.
Chapter 3
Lacy awoke to a dark hallway. She didn’t notice the building but could hear a crunching sound coming from an indescribable location. Lacy stood up and began walking forward not knowing where she was going. The Hallway felt like it had been going on forever. “Lacy” The voice sounded deep and demonic. Lacy thought that she was hearing things. “Lacy” footsteps echoed throughout the hallway, seeming to come closer and closer. “Lacy” A face peaked out of the hallway. Illuminated by the dimming lights of the hallway. The face was jagged, its eyes were sunken in and unnaturally open to the point where it looked like it was in pain. Its hair was tattered as if it had single strands poking out of its skin and its complexion was a ghoulish grey. The most notable feature was a smile that stretched its entire face. “Lacy” The creature looked at Lacy and stepped out of the shadows revealing a long lengthy body. Its arms were long and slender as if it had not eaten in a long time. Its legs were lengthy making it above seven feet tall. It had only a pair of underwear on and Lacy could see its ribs that looked as if they were trying to break out of its skin. The creature began running towards Lacy, smiling and eyes widening as if seeing Lacy was the best thing it had ever seen. Its teeth were normal except for the blood tint they had. Its neck looked crooked and longer than any human Lacy had ever seen. Without hesitation Lacy turned and ran down the hallway not looking back but could hear the creature getting closer and closer. She could almost feel its hands getting closer to her neck, fearing what the creature would do to her if it caught her. She noticed a door on her left which she could have sworn was not there before. She knew that if she tried to get to open the door now the creature would catch her. Lacy kept running counting the amount of lights she passes to make sure she remembers the location of the door. “Lacy” The creature kept saying her name as if it knew who she was. Lacy couldn't think about that now she had to focus on finding a way to lose the creature. Lacy was running out of energy and decided she had to make a desperate move. She dropped her body and turned around dodging under the beast's arms as it reached for her. The beast ended up having too much momentum causing it to stumble. Lacy took the opportunity to burst into a sprint counting the lights until she reached the door. The creature was still behind her but she had made some distance from making it stumble. She opened the door and closed it behind her. Disturbingly the creature tried to open the door as lacy locked it. It made no noise but continued calling her name. Lacy’s emotions caught up with her and she sat down and cried at her situation. Lacy allowed herself to feel hopeless for only a moment. She remembered her fathers words to her, “I can't lose you too”. Repeating these words in her head allowed Lacy to regain composure. She studied her surroundings realizing that she appeared to be in an apartment. The place was decrepit and looked as if it was abandoned. The furniture was ripped apart and spread among the apartment. It looked like someone had destroyed everything in a fit of passion. Lacy walked through a door which led to the main room. In the room was a tape recorder on a bed. Lacy picked it up and pressed play.
If you are hearing this then you have found yourself in a predicament that could not have been foreseen. I feel for you for I have found myself in the same situation. My name is Professor Crawford. I have yet to understand what this place is exactly all I know is that the being that chased me into this room is still out there. I can hear it against the door. It continues to say my name as if it is trying to coerce me out. I have never seen this being in my existence. It should have no recollection of who I am but yet it continues to say my name. This room has no other exits that I can find. I have no choice but to confront the being outside. May god have mercy on my soul.
Lacy looked around the apartment, checking every corner of the space not finding anything. She entered the kitchen and found a kitchen block that had a single kitchen knife in it. Lacy felt a force telling her to take the knife. She brushed it off and continued looking around. Abruptly the creature began beating on the door saying Lacy’s name. Just as the creature began banging on the door the tape recorder began playing again.
I do not know what this thing is. But it has one feature that can not be ignored. Thus I have dubbed this creature.
The Smiling Man
Chapter 4
Lacy ran for the knife that had tried to coerce her into grabbing it before. Just as the smiling man had broken down the door she grabbed the knife. The smiling man looked at lacy. Its head is covered in blood due to it slamming it into the door. “What are you? What do you want?” The man said nothing and continued walking towards Lacy. “LACY” As it was walking towards her Lacy held the knife in her hand. Determined to live she walked towards it holding the knife out towards the man hoping to scare it off. Suddenly the man burst towards her, its eyes widening and its mouth opening into a horrible smile. Lacy plunged the knife towards it, hitting it in the chest when it stuck its teeth into Lacy’s shoulder. Lacy’s adrenaline was too high to feel the pain so she pulled the knife out and pushed away from the man. She rushed out of the room hearing it running after her. She continued running hearing the creature say her name until she found a corner. Realizing what was happening she used the new found corridors to her advantage. The long hallway was turning into a maze of corridors. She managed to lose the creature but could still hear it saying her name. Mapping the maze out she maneuvered around the man. Sneaking up behind him she pulled the knife up and plunged it down into the man's shoulder. The man didn't make a noise instead peeling over in what seemed like pain. Lacy took the knife out and a sudden burst of rage stabbed the man again. Lacy continued stabbing the man over and over until it stopped moving. Lacy slumped against the wall, knife in hand, covered in blood and terrified of what she just did. She peered to her left and saw a hole. The hole was floating and had an aura around it. Lacy noticed the hole as the one the men put her into before she woke up in the hallway. Lacy contemplated if she should go into the hole. She had nowhere else to go so she stepped into the hole.

Age: 16 Lbs/Kg: 120lbs/54kg Height: 5’7
About three days ago, I noticed a lump on the bottom of my rib cage in the mirror. I instantly began to panic and became very anxious. I decided to go to the GP to get it looked at. He told me it’s possible that it’s just muscle soreness and that I shouldn’t worry about it unless it gets worse. However, I do sleep on a messed-up old spring mattress, and I usually lay on that side when I sleep. I can feel the springs press against that area sometimes, and I often have bad posture when I sleep. Could this just be inflammation from the mattress?
The doctor said that it’s nothing serious and told me to take ibuprofen 4 times a day. I’ve been using topical ibuprofen and a cooling gel, which does seem to help. This made me less anxious, as if it were something worse, I doubt these treatments would have helped. So, is it possible that I’m just overthinking and anxious?
However, I do feel uncertain about the doctor’s diagnosis, as he seemed kind of stubborn and barely even looked at it, so I have no clue. I also get pains below the bump, like on my liver. Could that just be muscle pain? The pain then stretches out to my abs and on the side of my ribs around the location of the bump. But it isn’t really pain, it’s more like pressure, but it sometimes hurts. Also, whenever I touch the right side of the abs (that’s the side where the pain and bump is), my abs seem more feelable than the other side, like more rigid. Maybe I’m overthinking. I have no clue, honestly. Sorry for the long ass paragraph. I’m just very anxious and want some reassurance. Thank you.

Well...this is a long shot but lets try it out here..
Male 31 145lbs
Ive had left side pain or more like a discomfort for years..like close to 10 years by now. It feels like a pressure or even a stretch/pulling sensation. It is along my left side from ribs to groin area getting worse as you go down. At the middle of my abdominal muscle there is a sharp cutoff where the feeling just stops altogether. It hurts to lay on left side..hurts to do about anything. Almost feels like there is a baseball on the lower left side. When putting knees to chin i feel it especially. On right side i just feel nothing.
Ive done stool samples..multiple scans woth and without contrast..multiple times of bloodwork..basically everything besides a colonoscapy. If there was blood doctor would have done the colonoscapy....basically everything shows up good. Which is good.
But at this rate what could be causing the pain? Im sure im not giving anything helpful so i can answer any questions on here!

I experienced excruciating upper left abdominal pain 6 days ago (Saturday). It started as a dull ache radiating to my shoulder and then progressed to episodes of spasms that had me sobbing and screaming for help. Each lasted about 5 minutes. I thought it was my intestines.
I did not seek emergency care because I was afraid of the cost, but this was, by far, the worst pain of my life.
The episodes finally stopped when I draped myself over the edge of the bathtub, arms outstretched. I have no idea why I did that. It all felt completely primal. The pain was still bad enough, though, that I couldn't yawn, cough, sneeze, or rest comfortably without a tower of pillows.
Monday, I had a physical exam by my doctor, as I still had bad pain under my ribs and into my side. X-rays ruled out intestinal blockage and my doctor ordered urinalysis, blood work, and a "STAT" CT. I've done all but the CT. I'm not sure if the delay is with my doctor or my insurance company, but radiology is still waiting on insurance authorization. It's been days of waiting, with no end in sight.
At this point, my pain is more of a weird pressure/tearing sensation in my left side, from my ribs down to my hip, only spiking into actual pain when I take a deep breath. And my appetite has returned with a vengeance, after being absent for 6 days. I am feeling much more like myself.
Before a blockage was ruled out, I did see something in the toilet. It was odd looking, but I assumed maybe it was related to my period. (Super fun getting my period in the middle of all this, btw.) I didn't realize until researching after the fact that what I saw looked exactly like a dark kidney stone. I wish so badly I had tried to collect it.
So my question: If that was a kidney stone, will anything show up on CT if/when I ever get scheduled?

This has been going on for a month now and we've been seeing doctors for the past 2 weeks.
Symptoms: Sharp pain in her side (she wakes up from it) Pain in the left arm Pain beneath the rib bone Mostly happens at night, when asleep
Several trips to the cardiologist and they have cleared her. Everything within and around her heart is fine.
2 months ago she had gotten a bacteria in her stomach, perhaps picked up from her work in a nursing home but that is only a speculation. She has gotten antibiotics for this and has finished the treatment. We don't know if it has any link to eachother.
We don't know where to look anymore. Bloodworks for all organs came back clear but she keeps waking up at night from the pain.
Does anyone have any idea? Or any idea on where to look? I'm now considering looking into the food? She has no food allergies but perhaps it changed due to age?

Link for all the chapters available here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road
Deep in the groaning halls of sinew and bone he awaited his audience with the god. At a wave of his hand the ribs which held up the ceiling contracted, tendons shifting within the pink walls of the chamber as the jagged, calcareous spurs that composed the doorway sank back into the spongy masses of tissue, revealing a passage curving down and out of sight.
Menash stood before the yawning portal and considered eternity. This was no an idle thought: here in the Dawning Chamber, the concept was very real. His father, Yulan, had stood in this exact spot times beyond count. When he was struck down in his prime by the Night Weaver and her Leaper offspring, torn limb from limb as he fought to defend Chthonis from a raiding party, Menash’s uncle, Aqavarr, had carried his broken remains over that grinning threshold to join the hosts of the dead, never to return.
A hot and heavy exhalation rattled up out of the depths, wafting in the acrid scent of the bonding pools and the wet slithering sound of the rebirthing canals. Menash felt a crackle of static in the corners of his mind before the signal sharpened and he heard It whisper distinctly:
“Enter…”
The familiar dread crept its way up the small of his back, and he gave a little shiver. No matter how many times he had communed with the Vitalus, he’d never been able to shake the feeling of his utter insignificance. But he persevered, walking bravely down the slurping passage, past the rows of broad antechambers lining either side of the hallway. Each one held a slumbering shape immersed in a cryogenic bath, towering hulks of muscle encased in ribbed and riveted plates of chitin. No two were alike in size or physiology, but all seemed to emanate the same primeval aura of dread that tickled Menash’s fight-or-flight-instinct, skewing it very much towards the latter response. These were the Hollowores, soulless avatars of the Vitalus, each one a tool capable of eradicating an entire species. As Menash approached, one of the living weapons stirred to life. A pronged, anvil-shaped head emerged from the bath, umbilical feeder tubes detaching from its armored flanks as the rest of its bulk followed, its mauve exoskeleton as sleek and shiny as amethyst. The Hollowore extended legs as thick as grown pine trees and lifted itself above him, its pairs of crushing pincers dripping amniotic fluids as it herded him towards the central room.
Bundles of white gossamer filaments spread all across the floor, encircling steaming pools of pus and acid. He saw arms and legs, sensory organs and entire exoskeletons being knitted before his very eyes, the amino acid chains being stitched on a layer at a time, the weeping pus evidence of microphages fighting off possible infections as the Vitalus did Its work.
These were the next generation of exomorphs, yet to be assigned to their hosts. It was here that Vitalus constantly improved the only thing that could ensure the continued survival of Menash’s subspecies. Exomorphs were bonded to Gallivants at birth, the organisms supplying their hosts with the means to breathe an atmosphere they was never meant to endure, and the strength to fight in a world that was red in tooth and claw. They were as swift as the summer wind and could multiply their host’s muscular power by up to twelve times their natural output.
But for all their God-given might, Gallivants were still mortal. They could and often did perish in the endless struggle for existence that the Vitalus called the Great Game. But even in death they could still commit their essence to posterity, passing down their defining traits through the malleable genetic code of the gilt helix. It was the Vitalus’ greatest boon; through the gilt helix a single individual could become a progenitor of an entire generation, becoming at one stroke the father of whole nations and peoples.
One day he too would prove worthy of the honor that Yulan had earned with his life. But he was not alone in that ambition. Menash was annoyed to find the crimson-clad Vezda and the cowardly Racek waiting for him inside, standing next to a large ball of filaments that hung from a tonsil-like growth hanging from the walls.
This node pulsed, emitting a small storm of bioelectric activity, networks of fungi conveying commands in the form of oscillating voltages to their communities of symbiotic bacteria, the latter containing greigite mineral crystals aligned in the shape of electromagnetic coils. Other networks hidden in the walls modulated and amplified the signals, and the three Gallivants steeled themselves for the onrushing flood of information as the Vitalus tapped into their minds.
He was a candle before the raging heart of the thunderstorm. For an instant Menash touched a fraction of Its intelligence, the divisions of time and space rolling back as they joined the ocean of shared consciousness, becoming one with the living systems of Arachnea. From the tiniest aeroplankton floating above the waves of the golden coastlines, to the herds of ultrapods munching their way through swathes of trees in the savannahs. Menash felt himself pushing up out of the soil, longing and lusting and reaching for the sunlight with a trillion green fingers uncurling, alive with the furious movement of life.
But what was that flicker of orange to the east? That searing heat, that prickling pain spreading like a cancer down his side?
The Vitalus scooped them up and hurled them headlong into hell itself. A roaring wildfire was sweeping into the heart of the eastern rainforests. Menash tasted ash and ruin, felt pieces of himself wither and burn, his branches tongues of fire, wood cracking from the intense blaze, sap boiling instantaneously upon contact and rupturing, splitting him right down the grain. He fled in terror, running, slithering, digging, swimming, flying away in crazed panic from the walls of red death closing in on him. As his skin flaked off in clumps of charcoal he looked back and saw it towering over the treetops, the epicenter of this howling vortex of destruction: the grey behemoth. Its burnished metal hide gleamed like copper, reflecting the fury of the conflagration burning well into the night.
Menash pulled his mind away before it was lost forever in the storm of electric potentials. He saw Racek and Vezda swaying on their feet, breathing hard and fast.
“Heart of the World,” he managed to gasp, “What is your bidding?”
The Hollowore maneuvered itself until it was facing him directly. Tiny beady eyes fixed him in their blank gaze. The node emitted a blue pulse and the creature shuddered as it received the signal. It opened a maw powerful enough to chew boulders into gravel and rumbled:
“This one is the alpha which survived first contact with anomalous variable. It will tell Us what occurred, and from whence this threat emerged.”
“It came from the karst mountain range, where the yellowjacket Amit live,” Menash replied, “It was destroying the largest mound in that area, massacring its inhabitants. It brought the mountain down on them—we’ve never seen anything like it. Zildiz was the first on the scene. She warned us not to approach, and that it was dangerous, but some of us,” here he cast an angry look at Vezda, “Some of us went ahead and tried to scavenge from the bodies of the dying. Then the behemoth ignited the air and burned scores of us to cinders.”
“Irrational. Why did you do this?”
“W-we thought that you had spawned the grey behemoth,” Menash stammered, embarrassed to say the least, “That it was the newest addition to the Great Game, another species of ultrafauna that would help perfect Arachnea.”
“Not so. It was made by an evil far older than the All-In-One,” replied the Vitalus, “It is called a Divine Engine. In cycles past, this evil sought to undo this world and all that inhabit it. In that, it almost succeeded.”
Menash felt his blood run cold at those words.
“Is it the only one of its kind?” Racek piped up. Menash and Vezda both bristled at his interruption; subordinates were only supposed to speak when spoken to.
“There were several deployed here in Our infancy. We had thought them all destroyed in the War of Creation.”
“Your Munificence,” Racek went on, heedless of the venomous looks he was getting from the other two, “Most of us survived because Zildiz persuaded us to dive into the river. She saved all our lives! But as I washed up on the riverbank, I saw the behemoth casting a seedpod into the skies. I did not see where it landed, but it was travelling in a high arc due east. Is this the behemoth’s method of reproducing? If so, then how many offspring can it generate from this one seed?”
The Vitalus met his questions with a minute of silence. Menash had never known It to take so long to respond to a query, and felt another stab of unease in his gut. Unless he was imagining things, the Vitalus seemed genuinely disturbed by the scenario that Racek has raised, enough to convince Menash that the danger was far from hypothetical.
“That is a distant possibility,” It said somewhat cryptically, “Regardless, We cannot allow the Engine’s continued existence.”
“Then it must be destroyed,” Vezda said, her barbed tail eagerly perking up.
“We are not certain that it can be,” the Vitalus said, and Menash heard Racek audibly gulp at the admission.
“But Your Omniscience, you alone are the arbiter of growth and decay,” Vezda said in disbelief, “Surely you can unmake this monster as well?”
“Perhaps. The Divine Engines were built to withstand the extremes of temperature, gravity, atmospheric pressure, acidity and irradiation found on semi-inhabitable exoplanets. Worlds of bareness and desolation, glassed by thermonuclear bombardment or infested with alien microorganisms. In the wars of Our youth, the Betrayers used tungsten-alloy warheads fired from space platforms to crack their bulkheads. Not even Our vessels, the Hollowores, could damage them in any significant way. We will need time to gather the raw materials and fabricate the weapons needed to end this threat.”
“What must we do?” Menash asked.
“If this variable is not dealt with, it could upset the delicate balance We have sacrificed so much to achieve. Already the wildfire it has caused will release close to 400 million metric tons of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere and destroy 2.3 million acres of forest before Our countermeasures can stop it. Time is our limiting factor. If the Engine cannot be destroyed now, it must be restrained.”
“It hasn’t moved an inch since we last saw it,” Vezda said brightly, “Maybe it has already died?”
“Yes, and maybe your mother was a horka toad,” Racek said snidely. Vezda scowled and took a step towards him, then stopped as she remembered that she trod on hallowed ground.
“Not so. It has merely gone dormant. Having expended its fuel, it is now running on the bare minimum of its reserves. My children, you must ensure that it does not wake again. Establish a quarantine zone around the Engine and let none approach, on pain of death. The Leaper kindreds will secure the ground while the Gallivants patrol the skies.”
Vezda and Menash exchanged troubled looks. Nobody wanted Leapers establishing a foothold in what was essentially a buffer zone between their subspecies. Once allowed to settle in a habitat, it would not take long for them to adapt and become masters of their new territory. Ousting them would become a battle of attrition, and given the lower birthrates of Gallivants, it was not one they could long afford.
“Respectfully, we do not require assistance from our brother kindred,” Menash ventured, “We are more than capable of safeguarding the area ourselves.”
The node throbbed again, the bioelectric flashes taking on an angry purple hue. With a sound like the grinding of a millstone the Hollowore clashed its claws together impatiently. All three of the mortals took a hasty step back.
“The alpha will obey, or another will be found that can,” the Vitalus growled at them, “All subspecies will observe a general truce during this period. This is a temporary addition to the Great Game. Those that serve Us well shall be rewarded. We shall also enlist the aid of your terrestrial cousins, as well as the Cataphract clans to replenish the soil, and lone Saints who shall rove beyond the quarantine zone.”
Menash’s unease deepened. The Vitalus was bringing together four different kindreds, some of which killed each other on sight, in a move that reeked of desperation. The kindreds had worked together before, of course, on complex projects such as altering rainfall patterns and husbanding struggling species, but never so many at once. This was bound to end in bloodshed.
“Those that break the truce shall be chemically neutered, and their gilt helix purged from the existing gene pool,” the Vitalus continued, “You will maintain this quarantine until We have dealt with the Engine.”
“It is understood!” Menash and Vezda said at once.
“But what about Zildiz?” Racek blurted out, again risking his entire lineage by speaking out of turn, “She might still be alive out there!”
“He’s right,” Menash found himself agreeing despite his dislike for Racek, “She’s our alpha, after all. It would be a shame to lose her helix. Do we have your leave to send out a party to recover her?”
The Vitalus pondered the request for a moment, then crushed his hopes when it said:
“Regrettable, the loss of the female. Valuable stock for the breeding program. But it has not responded to Our signals—it is unlikely to have survived. The female Vezda shall take up its duties as alpha.”
“But Your Benevolence—” both men cried out in unison.
“It is decided. She has risked the Great Game, and must abide by its outcome. To speak more on this would risk Our displeasure,” the god warned.
“We can’t spare the manpower anyway,” Vezda pointed out, trying not to look too pleased at Its decision. She darted a quick look at Menash, long enough for him to see the selfish desire festering in her heart. He turned away from her in disgust, baring his blades by the slightest of margins to let her know what he thought of her, then asked the Vitalus:
“But what of the Engine’s seedpod? Should we search for it?”
“Negative!” the Vitalus boomed, its node reinforcing the word with a spike of activity that sent needles of pain spearing into their heads, “We shall complete this task. It is dangerous and can be entrusted to no other.”
The Hollowore angled its massive head towards the cavernous ceiling, armored flaps on its back sliding aside as it unfurled sets of rigid sixty-meter wings. A wide sphincter on the roof gaped open and Menash saw the evening sky awash with the stars in their milky multitudes. The Hollowore took a deep breath through the spiracles lining its thorax and abdomen, pumping air through a pair of hollow tube-like protuberances under either of its wings. Menash and the others quickly scampered to a safe distance. Seconds later there was a scream of chemical combustion and the Hollowore rose into the evening skies, leaving behind a long trail of superheated gases, the backwash almost knocking Menash off his feet. They watched as the Hollowore gained altitude, making straight for the columns of billowing smoke on the horizon, a sweeping shadow blotting out the light of the heavens.
The Vitalus’ mental presence receded with it. When it did not return, they took it to mean that they were dismissed and likewise took flight and headed for Chthonis. They were hardly out of the Dawning Chamber when Vezda seized the scrawny Racek by his wings and anchored her feet right up against his back.
“Funny little man, are you? Crack jokes at my expense again, and I’ll see to it that you’ll never fly again!” she snarled, yanking hard. Racek yelled as his wings threatened to pop out of their sockets.
“Stop!” Menash said, ramming his shoulder into her and knocking the smaller male out of her grip. Vezda rounded on him, blades out and her tail aquiver with rage.
“As for you! No one should speak to the Vitalus like that!” she shrieked, “Much less gainsay It! Are you trying to get us all killed? It is the source and continuance of life itself—”
“But the Vitalus doesn’t always consider the individual scale of things,” Menash reasoned, controlling his rising anger as he tried to defuse the situation, “Its scope of thought is beyond ours. Therefore it is up to us to look after each other. None of us can win the Great Game alone. We need people like Zildiz for the species to prosper.”
“Your logic is flawed,” Vezda spat, “Empathy is a sham devised by the selfish action of the gene, which seeks only to preserve itself. At least I am honest enough to look after my own interests. Your obsession with that whore is misplaced. Heed my words, Menash. What happened today marks a change in the Great Game. Only the ruthless will reap the rewards of this era. Think on that, and act accordingly.”
The female darted off in another direction, leaving the two behind.
“Thanks,” Racek said, rubbing at his sore shoulders, “My, my. She’s really taking her promotion very seriously, isn’t she?”
“This doesn’t make us friends,” Menash said shortly, “We share a common interest, that’s all.”
The two flew together in silence for a time, the dark canopy unrolling below their feet. Racek had always been a bitter rival for Zildiz’s affections. In the mating seasons he and Menash had flown the damsel-dance against each other countless times, racing and dogfighting at top speed through the dense bamboo thickets in an effort to impress her.
But each time she had always chosen Menash. Naturally. He was the stronger, the braver, the son of the Scourge who had slain hundreds on his lightning raids into Leaper territory. Their pairings had been brief and passionate, yet she had always laughed at the end and gone on her merry way, a rose petal borne on a scented breeze, the dalliance as meaningless to her as other concerns like eating or breathing.
But not to him. Right now, all that mattered was her. And Racek was the only one in the whole wide world who knew exactly how he felt. Did that mean he could be trusted? Menash considered the enormity of what he was about to do, and wavered. Then he saw her face in the darkness of his home, the face she wore when they were all alone together, and he took a deep breath before breaking the silence, saying:
“I’ll be in charge of the quarantine. I can arrange for you to disappear for a few days. I can have one of the younglings mimic your magnetosynaptic signal, make it seem like you’re with the rest of us.”
“You’d do that? For me?” Racek said in astonishment.
“Hah. Not for you,” Menash laughed softly. He looked Racek straight in the eyes and continued: “What’ll it be, then?”
If he so much as hesitates, I’ll have to kill him here and now, Menash told himself.
“Why, yes. Yes, of course!” the little brown male said vigorously.
“Good,” Menash sighed with relief, “She’ll be very grateful to whoever brings her home. I’d do it myself, but as an alpha I can’t risk being seen as disobedient.”
“Then why give me this chance? After all that’s passed between us?”
“I should have thought that was obvious,” Menash replied. Racek digested that for a bit, then out of nowhere said:
“If I find her—when I find her—I’ll tell her exactly who it was that sent me.”
“That won’t be necessary.”
“Bah! Just so we’re even, that’s all,” Racek grinned, his mouthparts slanting askew.
“Thanks, I guess. I’d…I’d appreciate that. You do understand what we’re risking here, right?”
“Sure. We’ll be total genetic write-offs if we’re caught. But it’s not like I wanted to see tiny ugly Raceks running around the house anyway. What about you, though? Why are you putting your neck on the chopping block?”
“You know why,” Menash said quietly, his thoughts still lingering on her face.
“Yes,” Racek agreed with a wistful air, “Yes, I suppose I do.”
And the pair spoke no more until they reached Chthonis.
Link for all the chapters available here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road

(piercing is 4 years old, I use 16g flat back studs that are internally threaded, it has not been downsized, and I use neilmed piercing spray for cleaning and used salt water soaks when I first got them done) i got my snakebites done it 2020. Healing was going fine, but somehow one night in the first week of healing when i was sleeping, the left piercings ball fell off and the bar ended up falling out as well. when i woke up, i tried everything I could to get it back in, but it had already closed up a bit. I went back to my piercer that same day and she used a taper to get jewelry back in. I still remember to this day how painful it was, 100x more painful then actually getting them pierced. ever since then, it has always been irritated and messed up. my right lip piercing is perfectly fine though. It’s weird, when i put in studs, i’ll use the same length bar for both sides, but for some reason when i put them in the left bar won’t be as long as the right bar, even though they’re the same length. Changing jewlery isn’t only hard but it’s excruciatingly painful. Simply switching out jewlery, which i don’t do often, is impossible. When i try putting an internally threaded bar through, it just straight up will not go in. I use a taper that screws on to the bar to be able to get it in but the pain is so bad. I can never wear lip rings because when i do, the skin around my left piercing on the inside will literally start to GROW over it. and with the rings, every time they move slightly, it’s extremely painful. I don’t know exactly how to describe the pain, but It’s almost like a nerve pain i think, its extremely sharp. I’m at a loss here, it’s been 4 years and i don’t know how to fix this. any advice would be appreciated

These are updated key points on the case from the Daily Mail article
Speaking of the autopsy: "The report gave more details on the grisly injuries the teen sustained in the hours before he died"

1. Roquero detailed extensive injuries to the teen's upper body, including 10 broken ribs, serious skull and neck fractures, internal bleeding, and abrasions all over his body.

2.The skin on left side of his scalp was torn off to the bone and a clump of hair and skin was found in the middle of the highway.
3.' Additionally, a clump of hair was observed on the right buttock without blood or tissue,' Roquero wrote.
4.Both his upper and lower teeth were broken 'with few fragments and found inside the mouth' and others strewn across the road several feet from his body.
5.He was bleeding out of his ears and had a cut on his lower lip and one on his tongue.

1. Presgrove's C1, C2, C6, C7 vertebrae were fractured to varying degrees and C1 was displaced - indicating a seriously broken neck.
   
2. There was one extensive skull fracture running across his head, 'splitting the middle base of skull into two', and multiple smaller ones, with police investigators describing his head as being 'caved in'.
   
3. Roquero wrote that there were 'no vehicle parts or debris observed on the scene', indicating Presgrove was almost certainly not hit by a car.
   

9.' He was naked and was only wearing unmatching shoes. There was a pair of shorts found several feet from the decedent and was reported to be his,' Roquero wrote.

1. 'Additionally, there were three pieces of a white metal chain as well as part of a tooth present several feet from the decedent.'
   
2. Roquero noted there was 'a drawing in black ink of a stick-figure person on the side of the right thigh'.
   
3. A video from the Saturday night of the party, on September 2, showed Presgrove's friends drawing their names and other doodles on his back and buttocks.
   
4. He went home and washed some of it off, but is believed to not have been able to get all of the marker off before he went back to the party the next evening.
   
5. The Adidas shoe Presgrove was wearing was his, and the other, a 'Hey Dude' slip-on, was from another party guest who was asleep at the time.
   
6. The shorts he was wearing were undamaged, despite the grazes on his buttocks
   
7. 'Currently, the OHP is not investigating Presgrove's death as a murder,' it said.
   
8. Then he rode an ATV ranger vehicle with several men that had a roll over incident. The decedent was alive following the incident and returned to the party where he got into an argument with his girlfriend,' it read. 'The decedent left the house party and was not found until the morning of September 4, 2023, on the side of the highway.'
   
9. Presgove's best friend Jack Newton, who was at the party but claimed he was asleep when he disappeared, said it was his ATV that was in the accident.
   
10. 'All of all close friends said that he wrecked my SXS I had there around 3,' he wrote in a message to another friend.
    
11. 'And he was super dirty and super drunk so a couple of girls helped him in the shower.' Newton explained this in the same conversation: 'When he got out [of the shower] he wanted to sleep in one of the girls' bed and she [said no and] that upset him and he walked off.'
    
12. One video from the night he died showed some of Presgrove's friends writing their names on his bare buttocks with marker.
    
13. The writing was not still there when his body was discovered in the early hours of the morning but it was not known how and when it was removed.
    

Hello - I've recently received a PET scan for FUO. Since last July, I've been experiencing right sided abdominal pain which received no diagnosis. Last fall, I became severely ill with GI symptoms (primarily nausea) followed by chest/rib pain and neuro symptoms (shooting pain down right leg, headaches, etc.). My period had completely stopped during this time, which was likely due to the stress my body was under. They've since resumed, albeit painful ovulation and period cycles with frequent bloating all month long. Colonoscopy did not show any reasoning for my extreme bloating or abdominal pain. In January I began experiencing frequent fevers. I ended up with infectious disease and neurology referrals, and after extensive workups that did not provide any insight, we moved forward with a full-body PET Scan. Everything came back normal except the following:
ABDOMEN/PELVIS: In the posterior left adnexal region there is a 43 x 23 mm ovoid low density structure with moderately increased uptake in the peripheral posterior portion maximum SUV 7.7.
IMPRESSION: 1. Moderately increased uptake within the peripheral posterior portion of a 43 x 23 mm ovoid lesion posterior left adnexa. Findings may simply represent a physiologic ovarian cyst within an otherwise somewhat prominent ovary. In this particular patient chronic tubo-ovarian abscess or other fallopian tube or ovarian pathology could be considered. Recommend pelvic ultrasound with transabdominal and transvaginal imaging for further evaluation. 2. No other potential source of fever demonstrated.
________
The thing this I've had two ultrasounds (results below) in the past year, and my current OBGYN was quite dismissive of the results and is insistent that my symptoms are not GYN related. I'm currently waiting to see a new GYN next month, but wondering if this is urgent and should not wait that long. I'm really struggling to go back to my current OBGYN because of my experience there, and I'm not sure she'd do anything with these results. She largely double downed last time that my past US results were not a cause for worry or concern, and to manage with OTC pain relievers. No further action or testing needed.
Could the ultrasound and a CT (in relation to abdominal pain) I've had missed this?
Would love to know based on your experiences, how hard I should advocate for myself and if there's any specific testing I should explicitly ask for.
I have alot of medical fatigue and feel dismissed despite feeling so awful all the time. If you've read this far, thank you and sorry for the novel.
________
February 2024 Ultrasound:

• Myometrium: Single fibroid seen
• Right ovary: appears normal with a 21mm hemorrhagic corpus luteum containing retracting clot
• Endometrial thickness, total 4.9mm
• Endometrium: within normal limits
• Fibroids:
  • Uterine fibroid D1 11 mm
  • Uterine fibroid D2 8 mm
  • Uterine fibroid D3 9 mm
  • Uterine fibroid mean 9.3 mm
  • Uterine fibroids findings: Intramural. Anterior. Right lateral wall

November 2023 Ultrasound:

• Uterus
  • Endometrium: 4 mm cyst , no solid masses
  • Endometrial thickness, total 9.8 mm
  • Fibroids: Fibroids identified
    • Uterine fibroid D1 30 mm
    • Uterine fibroid D2 25 mm
    • Uterine fibroid D3 25 mm
    • Uterine fibroid mean 26.7 mm
    • Uterine fibroids findings: transmural FIGO 2-5 with 10 mm cyst
  • Right Ovary:Appears normal
    • Rt ovary D1 27 mm
    • Rt ovary D2 30 mm
    • Rt ovary D3 12 mm
    • Rt ovary Vol 5.1 cm³
  • Left Ovary: Appears normal
    • Lt ovary other findings: seen transabdominally only
  • Left Tube: Size 38.0 mm x 18.0 mm x 24.0 mm
  • Impression: 1. Heterogeneous mildly thickened endometrium with a 4 mm cyst. Clinical correlation recommended for potential hyperplasia or polyp. If clinically appropriate, repeat ultrasound could be performed in 4-6 months to evaluate for persistence. 2. Findings cost consistent with a degenerated fibroid. 3. Normal ovaries.

Age 37M
Sex Male
Height 6,1
Weight 175lbs
Race White
Duration of complaint 6 years
Location right side abdomen
Any existing relevant medical issues none
Current medications none
Include a photo if relevant n/a
Patient: I am [37] [M] 6'1, 175lbs,
Main issue: Burning pain/sensation in right side around last rib area and burning sometimes yellow liquid stool.
Done So Far: I have been chasing this burning sensation and pain in my right side for a few years now unsure of triggers except definitley beer so I typically just avoid it. I have gone to PCP and Gastroenterologist. I have been put to sleep for endoscopy/colonoscopy. I have also had MRI and CT Scans with and without contrast with no findings. According to bloodwork liver is in an ok place based on typical LFT's They cant find a problem. I don't drink alcohol often these days but did pretty heavily in my 20's for what that might be worth. And I do specifically know that beer is a trigger so I almost never touch it. BUT I got a new job offer last week and had 2 beers to celebrate at restaurant (Michelob Light 4.5%) and boy did that set my side on fire and left me feeling thirsty for a few days straight. Needless to say I am very scared I have a baby due in August and just scared I have liver issue or something that can't be fixed. If someone could help me it would mean the world to me. I have labs etc I could share if needed. Please and thank you so much anyone. Curious how easy something might’ve been overlooked by doctors.

Hi,
I’m 35 and I’ve been diagnosed with endometriosis two weeks ago and it’s a lot because I had no symptoms or issues with pain until now.
in December, I went to the ER because I had intense stomach pain and we were suspecting appendicitis… They did eventually find an ovarian cyst. But they did a couple of ultrasounds and told me it’s a normal cyst and it’ll go away within a cycle or two… in February. I was back in the ER because of the same pain again they told me it would go away on its own. I went for a check up in April to just see if it had gotten smaller… And they saw something suspicious within the cysts and referred me to a hospital to get it removed.
I had that surgery two weeks ago. It was supposed to be a one hour surgery just removing the cyst but turned into a 4h surgery because they found endometriosis and had to remove three other growths.
no, I’ve never had anything wrong with me in my life… This whole procedure up to now is already terrifying enough. I think the surgery was the scariest thing for me that I ever had to go through… all they did was tell me that I have to take the pill from now on until I want kids (which I don’t).
I have so many questions that nobody’s answering, though… First about the surgery… It’s been two weeks and the stitches are supposed to dissolve on their own… But the ends are still sticking out, is that normal? The cuts have healed very well but I still have some internal discomfort… How long will that last? Because it’s gonna be a lot with work… And then the pill… I’ve never taken it before… Is it really all it takes for it not to come back? Because I’m terrified of it coming back and me having to have more surgeries… 🙈 I am also scared what the pill is gonna do to my body, side effect wise…
sorry for the long post… I guess I just needed to vent… why do we have to go through this shit?
sometimes it also just have to remind myself that it’s only been two weeks and I need to chill 😂

Just like the title says if I touch the area it hurts. It almost feels like it's deep. It's in between my hip bone/lower rib right on my side. I'm worried because I had knee surgery a month ago and have been taking Aleve daily for the last month. I did schedule with my PCP but that's not until next week. So wanted to post here in hopes of getting some insight to put my mind at ease.
I felt very very mild pain in that area yesterday but I thought it was due to sleeping wrong or over extended myself. Woke up this am and I feel like the pain is moderate. I took Aleve and still in pain.
So questions. 1. Would the area hurt to touch if it's pancreatitis? 2. Would the area still hurt after taking Aleve? 3. At what point/symptoms do you go to ER?

Have you ever witnessed the first formation of life? I mean, I've seen my children, I was there for every step of the process if you know what I mean. Hah. But what I'm talking about is from beyond the beginning. The molten slag of a planet forming over millions or even billions of years into a habitable plane. Have you seen, from that very point, chemicals coalescing and reproducing? Amino acids and the forming proteins?
Well today, I found out, when you die in the crypts, you don't see a light in the end of a tunnel. You witness something truly beautiful and pointless.
I watched the birth of life from nothing. Short molecular protein chains. No cell walls, no encasing membranes. If DNA or genetic code of any kind was in their descendant's future, it wasn't present now. I watched it cling to the surface of rock, self-replication fueled by the warm free energy of a sun, millions of generations, hard work, decay, and new growth, only to be destroyed by a crashing wave. The weak hydrogen bonds were broken, as simple as that. The ancestor's hard work gone in a single blink-and-you-miss-it moment. Somehow I knew, wherever this was, that was all the life that planet would ever see until it was swallowed up by its star.
It was a quick fleeting spark. All the dramas and soap operas in the world could have taken place in a single raindrop. A unique potential, unlike any others, this planet's chosen ones, snuffed out before it could evolve to breathe its first breath. Rather grim isn't it? I don't know why I dreamt it, but there it was, a pointless creation followed by an equally pointless destruction. I guess it was a nice commercial break from the missing-arm-induced pain i was suffering. A wonderful hilucination, if a bit mocob.
Anyway, back to my unimaginable blood-curdling, mind-wrenching torture porn session. My eyes were closed a very long time, but when they did open, I was finally where I should be. Horizontal in a hospital bed, surrounded by trained surgeons. That said, it was on an alien world, and the surgeons were not trained in human biology. What's worse, they had no way to dull the pain.
Death would have been a blessing, unfortunately, the doctors were good, in spite of the unknown make, model, and engine size laying before them. 5 hours under an experimental knife, and I think an arc welder, is what it took to reattach my arm and fix my internal organ damage. 5 hours of poking and prodding and searing and stitching and pulling and zapping. All things considered, I am impressed it only took 5 hours. Ted's species was remarkable when it came to taking in new information and applying it in the real world. All their extra brains probably didn't hurt either.
If you remember, Ted's species came equipped with five extremity brains, and a central one. That's three for all three of his legs, two for both of his arms, and one in his central body. Ted would have had six individual minds within him before I found him dead in a ditch beside that interstellar sidewalk. By that point, only one, Ted, had survived.
After my, let's say, unique experience, I was left alone in a dark room to rest. Ted came by to visit. Oh yeah, he had a body now. He wore that "Tall, dark, and extraterrestrial" look well. He was easily 7 feet tall in his real body. Those Ted-fu moves should pack a real punch in a body like that.
"That reminds me. You wanted your fighting moves back, right?" My voice was terribly parched after my morning shouting sessions.
Shouting obscenities at medical proffesionals was about all I could do when Ted's doctors were busy inventing a new form of torture. Seriously, take notes. Good stuff in there.
"Keep them. That isn't going to be my concern here. It's hard to even walk now, let alone fight." He admitted. "I'm used to having secondary brains do all the work. I would only take over when the situation required. Now, I'm all I've got."
"Just another one of us handicap one-brainers," I taunted. "How does it feel to be on my level? Could you say you're just 'too single-minded?"
He laughed. I don't think I've ever heard Ted lower himself to laughing at one of my jokes. It wasn't even a good one. I know I could have come up with something better. Hold on. I- huh... well, I guess the moment has passed.
Instead, I teased him again. "so, you have a sense of humor after all."
"Always have. You just aren't funny." He shot back.
Then it was my turn to laugh at a bad joke.
"Bad idea!" I realized aloud. "Laughing hurts. Don't make me laugh."
There was an awkward silence before Ted finally spoke again. Our whole conversation was full of them.
"You're going back there aren't you?" He asked.
"I have to. I have a family somewhere, and I have to know if they're still alive. Something bad is happening on earth and I just want to be there to protect them."
"I don't think you ever will find out."
"Blunt and to the point today are ya?"
"Always have been. You just never listen. Im serious. I dont think you'll make it home."
There it was again, that quiet that kept creeping back up into our conversation.
"What if you run into Brad again?" He asked. "I won't be there to reboot your brain next time. You will either die or-"
"Don't tell me."
"Or you will suffer greatly, then die." He continued while checking his version of fingernails.
"I told you not to tell me. Now I can choose which option I like better."
"I'm being serious." He shot back at me. "You have no defenses against him."
"I know. I'm hoping he's dead. That's three shots from a Tedidian gun he has taken now."
Neither of us were convinced.
"Tedidian? That's the name you gave my species? I'm honored."
"I'm the first of my kind here, I get the naming privileges."
If our conversation took place over the radio, the host would be mortified. Not by the subject matter, no. The silence would be dubbed "dead air" and the host would desperately clamor for a new topic to keep the dialogue active and dynamic. We didn't have that luxury. I think Ted was sorry he couldn't have done more to help, but he would never admit it. I actually might miss him after all- Nah... Too stuck up his own butt to admit his shortcomings. I dont need a guy like that tagging along.
"Do you- mourn the loss of your secondary minds? Were they separate thinking entities?"
"I mourned their loss eons ago. I have moved on. Now I have to re-remember how to walk and talk and do math equations without them. I will be slower than my academic peers, but I have with me knowledge of the unknowable. That should make up for some of my deficiencies."
Eventually, Ted was ushered out. I needed the rest. The doctors here were good. They had managed to piece together this broken puzzle written with a completely different alphabet, and accelerated my healing a great deal. Not really a surprise, given they could build Ted a whole new body. I was back on my feet in a matter of 2 days, using my arm in 3, and back to 70% at 4. I dont think I'll ever make it back to 100%, but all things considered, this is pretty good.
It's hard to tell how long I have been away from earth, but given this trip was meant to last a very long time, I don't suspect I should miss my flight, so long as I find my portal. As long as I can find Eddy. So long as I can find all of them; Eddy, Rook, James, even Jyong and Me-Yan.
Ted's people had a similar arrangement to earth's at first. When Ted was an explorer, their portal was at the edge of the system, but they brought it down to their planet with rockets and parachutes after he and a few others never came back. The history was fascinating. They were a united planet, far and above the most advanced I have come across so far, but in spite of that, the portal slowly leeched off the planet, and spat out horrors beyond their imagination. What they once used as an interstellar fast travel, quickly turned into a speed bump, then a health hazard. There was a reason the builders set this portal so far away from the planet. It wasn't meant to be here, so Ted's people had to build a wall, with poor old lost Ted on the other side. They closely monitored the other side though, and were shocked to find the brain activity of a Tedidian coming from yours truly. That would be Ted's mind, shoulder to shoulder with mine, in my head if you weren't following along. Then they rescued me from Brad.
Speaking of, I asked around about Brad. Someone shot him, so that someone should know if he survived. I had to know if he would be waiting for me on the other side. Eventually, I asked the right person, who introduced me to my rescuer. He wore a white uniform and carried a big gun, even for Tedidian standards. I was kinda jealous. I like my pew pews, but these things were on another level.
He confidently told me that Brad was indeed "dead." I had Ted translate for me whenever I spoke to a native, but they were quickly learning on their own how to speak Sean-ese. That's the language I told them I speak. Might as well leave a lasting mark. That confidence, however, did not come from a place I liked.
"But did you actually see it dead?" I pressed.
"Nothing survives a plasma arc, even a graze, let alone two." He scoffed. Or I think he scoffed. There is no universal interplanetary sign that someone is scoffing at you. You just have to pick up on subtle undertones of pride, shock, or snood. Ted had lots of snood. Luckily, he broke the mold. The people here were as different as people are on earth. I just happened to get the most insufferable one imaginable. Just my luck.
"Then call this thing 'nobody,' because it survived one before." I suggested.
His eyes widened, glad to see that was an interplanetary sign of surprise. "Th-that isn't possible."
"Oh, but it is." Ted interjected
Oh good, that thing could be waiting for me for all I know. I never thought I'd be scared to be without a Ted in my head, but there I was, terrified. He was right. Without him, I had no defense.
We were walking back to Ted's place when I began replaying the past events in my head. My vision was something I couldn't shake. It was real. I felt like I was one of those chains of self-replicating chemicals. That's almost all they were, chemicals, but they had every marker required to classify life. They even responded to change in the environment. They were short-lived bonded protein chains that consumed, produced waste, even grew by self-replication and bonding.
"Hey Ted," I started. "I wanted to run something by you."
"I'm listening, but let's keep it under 280 characters. I'm not in the mood for a marathon today."
I rolled my eyes. "Glad to see you're back to your old self."
"My old self? I've been trying to get back to that, but every time I open my eyes, there you are."
"Look here Dane Cook, I saw something after the attack. It was on another planet. I think someone is trying to show me something."
"You were also close to Brad at the time, who we know can alter your perception."
"Maybe, but this felt different. The first time he affected my mind, he put me in a dreamlike state. Then he used something familiar to me to disguise himself. This was different. I wasn't me, I was this green amino-acid chain with no protective coating. All I could sense were chemicals, no light, no sound, but I knew what was happening too, like I was watching from the outside at the same time."
Ted learned how to roll his eyes just now from me, and mimicked the action to an exagerated end. "Don't think much about it. Many Tedidians see a light at the end of a tunnel when we are close to death. Perhaps this is just your version."
"Perhaps." One thing is certain, even if it scares me, I would be glad to be without Ted. I almost forgot how annoying he was after our little bonding session.
"But I have a question for you. Who is Dane Cook?"
"My planet's worst comedian. Thats not the point."
The day did come that I had to leave, and Ted, in his usual fashion, refused to say goodbye. Instead, all he would say is "I won't be far behind." Cryptic, right? Like, what is that supposed to mean?
At first, I thought "Great. And right after I thought I got rid of him." But then I thought about it. It would be an interesting cultural slang to say "we will meet again." Does Ted believe in an afterlife?does he think I'll wimp out and come back?
Pointless questions aside, there was some good news. He gave me a new gun. This one made an even bigger "kaboom!" It was really fun. Heh. Haha. Gimme-gimme.
I was happy to see Jim-Bob waiting for me at the portal. I hadn't seen him since I set off that sonic weapon. Their feet are so sensitive to vibrations and sound, that weapon really messed with them. The Tedidian doctors had their work cut out for them fixing 5 listening organs per Jim-Bobidian. Together, all 20 odd Jim-Bobs and I, stepped through the portal to the nightmare world.
Now that I was on this side of the portal, I could see that Brad was gone. Oh boy, what fun. You know what else? I held onto that old piece of alien tech that Ted had his brain shoved into. I thought it would make a neat souvenir. Wouldn't you believe it if as soon as the doors closed behind me, I heard that S.O.B's voice saying "So, where to next?"
Ted copied himself yet again into that stupid thing. Didn't take long to figure out what he meant by "I won't be far behind."
"What the hell, Ted?" I shouted.
"Surprised to hear my voice?" He asked?
"More pissed than surprised. I thought I finally got rid of you."
"Oh stop it, you are happy to see me, admit it."
"I thought you wanted to go home. What happened to me just being a pair of legs?"
"Ah yes, but there's a crucial difference between that Ted and this one. This one is artificial, and doesn't get lonely. I am merely a copy of a personality. That way, when you die, I won't get homesick."
"I smell bullshit," I said.
Surprisingly, he didn't make an astronauts and diapers joke. Instead, he said "Got me. I am an explorer, remember? Even if I was homesick, I still yearn for the other-worldly. My adventuring days are not yet over, and this way, I can never die, unlike someone I know."
"News flash, Ted, you did die, and give me that self-aggrandizing crap you pulled in the beginning, and I'm throwing your immortal ass down the throat of the next giant monster I find."
"My path will remain rectilinear, and true."
"Rectum what now? I thought you only knew words I used in front of you. I don't even know what you said."
"True, but now I have learned how your language works, thus am able to intuit new words. You cannot convince me that was not a word. Go- 'look it up' or whatever when you get back to Earth. It means 'I'll stay on the straight and narrow.'"
"Then why didn't you just say so? You're already teetering on the edge of being too annoying to keep around, buddy." I threatened, but I had to admit, a translator would be nice.
I have to say, the next leg of the journey went on without a hitch. The Jim-Bobs, Ted, and I were making good time. Find a monster, kill it, find a planet, explore it, find another monster, kill it too. I found so many new planets, although most were dead or never had life to begin with. The odd part was, Ted was sure he had visited some before, and interacted with the residents, but there was nothing but rock where I stood.

Have you ever witnessed the first formation of life? I mean, I've seen my children, I was there for every step of the process if you know what I mean. Hah. But what I'm talking about is from beyond the beginning. The molten slag of a planet forming over millions or even billions of years into a habitable plane. Have you seen, from that very point, chemicals coalescing and reproducing? Amino acids and the forming proteins?
Well today, I found out, when you die in the crypts, you don't see a light in the end of a tunnel. You witness something truly beautiful and pointless.
I watched the birth of life from nothing. Short molecular protein chains. No cell walls, no encasing membranes. If DNA or genetic code of any kind was in their descendant's future, it wasn't present now. I watched it cling to the surface of rock, self-replication fueled by the warm free energy of a sun, millions of generations, hard work, decay, and new growth, only to be destroyed by a crashing wave. The weak hydrogen bonds were broken, as simple as that. The ancestor's hard work gone in a single blink-and-you-miss-it moment. Somehow I knew, wherever this was, that was all the life that planet would ever see until it was swallowed up by its star.
It was a quick fleeting spark. All the dramas and soap operas in the world could have taken place in a single raindrop. A unique potential, unlike any others, this planet's chosen ones, snuffed out before it could evolve to breathe its first breath. Rather grim isn't it? I don't know why I dreamt it, but there it was, a pointless creation followed by an equally pointless destruction. I guess it was a nice commercial break from the missing-arm-induced pain i was suffering. A wonderful hilucination, if a bit mocob.
Anyway, back to my unimaginable blood-curdling, mind-wrenching torture porn session. My eyes were closed a very long time, but when they did open, I was finally where I should be. Horizontal in a hospital bed, surrounded by trained surgeons. That said, it was on an alien world, and the surgeons were not trained in human biology. What's worse, they had no way to dull the pain.
Death would have been a blessing, unfortunately, the doctors were good, in spite of the unknown make, model, and engine size laying before them. 5 hours under an experimental knife, and I think an arc welder, is what it took to reattach my arm and fix my internal organ damage. 5 hours of poking and prodding and searing and stitching and pulling and zapping. All things considered, I am impressed it only took 5 hours. Ted's species was remarkable when it came to taking in new information and applying it in the real world. All their extra brains probably didn't hurt either.
If you remember, Ted's species came equipped with five extremity brains, and a central one. That's three for all three of his legs, two for both of his arms, and one in his central body. Ted would have had six individual minds within him before I found him dead in a ditch beside that interstellar sidewalk. By that point, only one, Ted, had survived.
After my, let's say, unique experience, I was left alone in a dark room to rest. Ted came by to visit. Oh yeah, he had a body now. He wore that "Tall, dark, and extraterrestrial" look well. He was easily 7 feet tall in his real body. Those Ted-fu moves should pack a real punch in a body like that.
"That reminds me. You wanted your fighting moves back, right?" My voice was terribly parched after my morning shouting sessions.
Shouting obscenities at medical proffesionals was about all I could do when Ted's doctors were busy inventing a new form of torture. Seriously, take notes. Good stuff in there.
"Keep them. That isn't going to be my concern here. It's hard to even walk now, let alone fight." He admitted. "I'm used to having secondary brains do all the work. I would only take over when the situation required. Now, I'm all I've got."
"Just another one of us handicap one-brainers," I taunted. "How does it feel to be on my level? Could you say you're just 'too single-minded?"
He laughed. I don't think I've ever heard Ted lower himself to laughing at one of my jokes. It wasn't even a good one. I know I could have come up with something better. Hold on. I- huh... well, I guess the moment has passed.
Instead, I teased him again. "so, you have a sense of humor after all."
"Always have. You just aren't funny." He shot back.
Then it was my turn to laugh at a bad joke.
"Bad idea!" I realized aloud. "Laughing hurts. Don't make me laugh."
There was an awkward silence before Ted finally spoke again. Our whole conversation was full of them.
"You're going back there aren't you?" He asked.
"I have to. I have a family somewhere, and I have to know if they're still alive. Something bad is happening on earth and I just want to be there to protect them."
"I don't think you ever will find out."
"Blunt and to the point today are ya?"
"Always have been. You just never listen. Im serious. I dont think you'll make it home."
There it was again, that quiet that kept creeping back up into our conversation.
"What if you run into Brad again?" He asked. "I won't be there to reboot your brain next time. You will either die or-"
"Don't tell me."
"Or you will suffer greatly, then die." He continued while checking his version of fingernails.
"I told you not to tell me. Now I can choose which option I like better."
"I'm being serious." He shot back at me. "You have no defenses against him."
"I know. I'm hoping he's dead. That's three shots from a Tedidian gun he has taken now."
Neither of us were convinced.
"Tedidian? That's the name you gave my species? I'm honored."
"I'm the first of my kind here, I get the naming privileges."
If our conversation took place over the radio, the host would be mortified. Not by the subject matter, no. The silence would be dubbed "dead air" and the host would desperately clamor for a new topic to keep the dialogue active and dynamic. We didn't have that luxury. I think Ted was sorry he couldn't have done more to help, but he would never admit it. I actually might miss him after all- Nah... Too stuck up his own butt to admit his shortcomings. I dont need a guy like that tagging along.
"Do you- mourn the loss of your secondary minds? Were they separate thinking entities?"
"I mourned their loss eons ago. I have moved on. Now I have to re-remember how to walk and talk and do math equations without them. I will be slower than my academic peers, but I have with me knowledge of the unknowable. That should make up for some of my deficiencies."
Eventually, Ted was ushered out. I needed the rest. The doctors here were good. They had managed to piece together this broken puzzle written with a completely different alphabet, and accelerated my healing a great deal. Not really a surprise, given they could build Ted a whole new body. I was back on my feet in a matter of 2 days, using my arm in 3, and back to 70% at 4. I dont think I'll ever make it back to 100%, but all things considered, this is pretty good.
It's hard to tell how long I have been away from earth, but given this trip was meant to last a very long time, I don't suspect I should miss my flight, so long as I find my portal. As long as I can find Eddy. So long as I can find all of them; Eddy, Rook, James, even Jyong and Me-Yan.
Ted's people had a similar arrangement to earth's at first. When Ted was an explorer, their portal was at the edge of the system, but they brought it down to their planet with rockets and parachutes after he and a few others never came back. The history was fascinating. They were a united planet, far and above the most advanced I have come across so far, but in spite of that, the portal slowly leeched off the planet, and spat out horrors beyond their imagination. What they once used as an interstellar fast travel, quickly turned into a speed bump, then a health hazard. There was a reason the builders set this portal so far away from the planet. It wasn't meant to be here, so Ted's people had to build a wall, with poor old lost Ted on the other side. They closely monitored the other side though, and were shocked to find the brain activity of a Tedidian coming from yours truly. That would be Ted's mind, shoulder to shoulder with mine, in my head if you weren't following along. Then they rescued me from Brad.
Speaking of, I asked around about Brad. Someone shot him, so that someone should know if he survived. I had to know if he would be waiting for me on the other side. Eventually, I asked the right person, who introduced me to my rescuer. He wore a white uniform and carried a big gun, even for Tedidian standards. I was kinda jealous. I like my pew pews, but these things were on another level.
He confidently told me that Brad was indeed "dead." I had Ted translate for me whenever I spoke to a native, but they were quickly learning on their own how to speak Sean-ese. That's the language I told them I speak. Might as well leave a lasting mark. That confidence, however, did not come from a place I liked.
"But did you actually see it dead?" I pressed.
"Nothing survives a plasma arc, even a graze, let alone two." He scoffed. Or I think he scoffed. There is no universal interplanetary sign that someone is scoffing at you. You just have to pick up on subtle undertones of pride, shock, or snood. Ted had lots of snood. Luckily, he broke the mold. The people here were as different as people are on earth. I just happened to get the most insufferable one imaginable. Just my luck.
"Then call this thing 'nobody,' because it survived one before." I suggested.
His eyes widened, glad to see that was an interplanetary sign of surprise. "Th-that isn't possible."
"Oh, but it is." Ted interjected
Oh good, that thing could be waiting for me for all I know. I never thought I'd be scared to be without a Ted in my head, but there I was, terrified. He was right. Without him, I had no defense.
We were walking back to Ted's place when I began replaying the past events in my head. My vision was something I couldn't shake. It was real. I felt like I was one of those chains of self-replicating chemicals. That's almost all they were, chemicals, but they had every marker required to classify life. They even responded to change in the environment. They were short-lived bonded protein chains that consumed, produced waste, even grew by self-replication and bonding.
"Hey Ted," I started. "I wanted to run something by you."
"I'm listening, but let's keep it under 280 characters. I'm not in the mood for a marathon today."
I rolled my eyes. "Glad to see you're back to your old self."
"My old self? I've been trying to get back to that, but every time I open my eyes, there you are."
"Look here Dane Cook, I saw something after the attack. It was on another planet. I think someone is trying to show me something."
"You were also close to Brad at the time, who we know can alter your perception."
"Maybe, but this felt different. The first time he affected my mind, he put me in a dreamlike state. Then he used something familiar to me to disguise himself. This was different. I wasn't me, I was this green amino-acid chain with no protective coating. All I could sense were chemicals, no light, no sound, but I knew what was happening too, like I was watching from the outside at the same time."
Ted learned how to roll his eyes just now from me, and mimicked the action to an exagerated end. "Don't think much about it. Many Tedidians see a light at the end of a tunnel when we are close to death. Perhaps this is just your version."
"Perhaps." One thing is certain, even if it scares me, I would be glad to be without Ted. I almost forgot how annoying he was after our little bonding session.
"But I have a question for you. Who is Dane Cook?"
"My planet's worst comedian. Thats not the point."
The day did come that I had to leave, and Ted, in his usual fashion, refused to say goodbye. Instead, all he would say is "I won't be far behind." Cryptic, right? Like, what is that supposed to mean?
At first, I thought "Great. And right after I thought I got rid of him." But then I thought about it. It would be an interesting cultural slang to say "we will meet again." Does Ted believe in an afterlife?does he think I'll wimp out and come back?
Pointless questions aside, there was some good news. He gave me a new gun. This one made an even bigger "kaboom!" It was really fun. Heh. Haha. Gimme-gimme.
I was happy to see Jim-Bob waiting for me at the portal. I hadn't seen him since I set off that sonic weapon. Their feet are so sensitive to vibrations and sound, that weapon really messed with them. The Tedidian doctors had their work cut out for them fixing 5 listening organs per Jim-Bobidian. Together, all 20 odd Jim-Bobs and I, stepped through the portal to the nightmare world.
Now that I was on this side of the portal, I could see that Brad was gone. Oh boy, what fun. You know what else? I held onto that old piece of alien tech that Ted had his brain shoved into. I thought it would make a neat souvenir. Wouldn't you believe it if as soon as the doors closed behind me, I heard that S.O.B's voice saying "So, where to next?"
Ted copied himself yet again into that stupid thing. Didn't take long to figure out what he meant by "I won't be far behind."
"What the hell, Ted?" I shouted.
"Surprised to hear my voice?" He asked?
"More pissed than surprised. I thought I finally got rid of you."
"Oh stop it, you are happy to see me, admit it."
"I thought you wanted to go home. What happened to me just being a pair of legs?"
"Ah yes, but there's a crucial difference between that Ted and this one. This one is artificial, and doesn't get lonely. I am merely a copy of a personality. That way, when you die, I won't get homesick."
"I smell bullshit," I said.
Surprisingly, he didn't make an astronauts and diapers joke. Instead, he said "Got me. I am an explorer, remember? Even if I was homesick, I still yearn for the other-worldly. My adventuring days are not yet over, and this way, I can never die, unlike someone I know."
"News flash, Ted, you did die, and give me that self-aggrandizing crap you pulled in the beginning, and I'm throwing your immortal ass down the throat of the next giant monster I find."
"My path will remain rectilinear, and true."
"Rectum what now? I thought you only knew words I used in front of you. I don't even know what you said."
"True, but now I have learned how your language works, thus am able to intuit new words. You cannot convince me that was not a word. Go- 'look it up' or whatever when you get back to Earth. It means 'I'll stay on the straight and narrow.'"
"Then why didn't you just say so? You're already teetering on the edge of being too annoying to keep around, buddy." I threatened, but I had to admit, a translator would be nice.
I have to say, the next leg of the journey went on without a hitch. The Jim-Bobs, Ted, and I were making good time. Find a monster, kill it, find a planet, explore it, find another monster, kill it too. I found so many new planets, although most were dead or never had life to begin with. The odd part was, Ted was sure he had visited some before, and interacted with the residents, but there was nothing but rock where I stood.

I (46M) had my first colon and endoscopy this morning and since this sub basically kept me as sane as possible leading up to it, I wanted to share my experience to hopefully help others. I have enormous anxiety. I take several medications with very minimal impact and struggle daily with those challenges. Most of my issues are socially driven so to have this health layer added has really impacted my life in horrific ways. I started noticing changes in stool caliber and habits in August of 23. Chalked it up to age. I then began having intermittent random pains under my left ribs which over time spread throughout my abdomen, I started seeing mucus and solid foods in my stool, began going back and forth between diarrhea and constipation, never felt like I was emptying my bowels, and was having weird fluttering sensations throughout my abdomen. My PCP did full CBC and sent me for an abdominal/pelvic CT with contrast. Everything was perfect. My symptoms eased but were still present so I was referred to a GI and was then scheduled for the scopes due to symptoms and my age. My prep was 2 dulcolax at 2p and 6p, and Clenpiq at 3p and 9p. The prep really wasn't as bad as I'd expected. Honestly, I felt pretty good being cleaned out and feeling "reset". The only issue I had was some rawness due to the frequent trips to the bathroom. Ginger Ale and Propel were my saviors getting the prep down. I arrived this morning at 6 for 620 check in with the worst anxiety I've ever experienced. I've never been in a hospital setting much less sedated in any way. I almost couldn't speak to the staff due to my anxiety. My blood pressure was 184/105 at first check. God bless everyone at my GI. They were all angels and even though I was never really relaxed prior to the Propolol, they were by my side every step of the way and I made sure to thank them one by one as I left. The IV was easily administered. My doctor and the anesthesiologist spoke to me and explained everything. I turned on my side and honestly wanted to throw up. They placed the mouth guard in my mouth and said "We've got you. We'll see you soon". I felt a split second of warmth over my face and I swear to God the very next thing I heard is the nurse telling me good morning and handing me ginger ale. Zero memory of falling asleep. Zero memory of the procedure. Nothing. It was heaven. I felt really good other than being slightly woozy for a second or two. I got dressed, spoke to my doctor, and left. In at 6. Out at 745. He removed a 3mm polyp from my stomach and found mild internal hemorrhoids. He told me to try a probiotic for my symptoms and we'll catch back up in a month or so. No more scopes for ten years. I read dozens of these posts over the last few months and every time thought "It can't be that easy" or "It'll be more difficult for me". I was wrong. I literally wasted months in crippling fear and Googled what amounted to garbage that only made it worse. Don't be me. Don't let this consume you. You're going to be fine. It's a wonderful miracle of a procedure and thank God for it. I feel brand new. You will too. Please feel free to DM me with any questions.

I’ve been getting cramps around my stomach especially in my lower abdomen but can show up around the sides of my belly button or above.
They aren’t strong but I feel discomfort when o eat and press into my stomach experience a cramp like pain.
I take probiotics and lanzosprazole I’ve been on for around 3 and a half months with no improvements and tried many things that aren’t working and I’m 17
I have a constant pressure pain just below my ribs Ik is my gastritis I was wondering what this is ?

Why
I relied on my mom as a kid. I always thought I could trust her, but she had unaddressed mental health issues that caused her a lot of pain. She didn't seem interested in getting help and instead turned to drugs and unhealthy relationships. When my sister and I were born, she isolated us from others. My mom hid her inner struggles and pretended to be perfect, but I knew deep down there were cracks in her facade.
I noticed people in my life trying to help my sister and me. However, any efforts were ultimately rejected or twisted by my mom. As her early-onset dementia progressed, her mask began to slip. Her unaddressed desires took control, manifesting as manic episodes. When my sister left to get married at 25, I was alone. It was a difficult decision, but understandable. Over the next four years, my mom's mental state deteriorated significantly. Her manic episodes became severe, escalating from yelling and screaming to pushing and even physical attacks.
One day, I reached my breaking point. I confided in my counselor, and CPS became involved. My mom, with her deteriorating mental state, saw it as a betrayal. In her mind, anyone who wasn't with her was against her. I became the enemy for exposing the truth. To silence me, she locked me in a hotel room for a week with no food or way out. The fear and confusion were overwhelming during those seven days.
The question haunted me: "Why is she doing this to me?" After seven days of fear and confusion in the hotel, I was finally released. But the nightmare wasn't over. My mom fabricated a story that I was suicidal and had me committed to a hospital, supposedly to disprove any accusations I might make. For four grueling months, I was shuttled in and out of these facilities. Thankfully, my sanity prevailed – they couldn't keep me there. However, my mom's twisted narrative persisted. Every time I tried to prove my side of the story, it felt like a losing battle.
Despite being innocent of the accusations, I held onto the hope of forgiveness and reconciliation. After all, she was my mom, and I had no other family. But her actions only worsened. The lies became more elaborate and malicious, all attempts to deflect blame for her own mistakes. Deep down, I yearned for a functional relationship, but her manipulative behavior reached a new low. This latest betrayal made me question my very existence. It was a horrible realization: the person I was trying to connect with was determined to paint me as the villain.
The situation escalated to the point where I found myself homeless for two weeks in the cold. Wracked with confusion, I kept asking myself, "Why? Why me?" Despite my efforts to do the right thing, everything felt broken. Eventually, I returned home, desperate for any semblance of maternal connection. My mom's sudden shift to a seemingly caring demeanor felt fake, but I clung to it, yearning for the bond I never had. Yet, the dysfunction persisted. On December 31st, 2023, she brought home a dying Chihuahua for Christmas. Despite being forbidden from interacting with the dog, I ended up cleaning and taking care of it all night. It was a bizarre situation – she was neglecting a dying animal while briefly showing me a kindness that felt hollow. This incident, two days after a birthday with no acknowledgment, was the final straw. When she asked if I wanted anything, I simply requested cake. Her response, "You don't deserve a cake...you keep contacting CPS," confirmed my suspicions. Disillusioned and frustrated, I retreated to my room to regain composure.
Terror surged through me as I heard her screams erupt like thunder. My heart pounded in my chest. Recognizing the signs of another manic episode, I retreated to my room, fearing another attack. She bellowed for my phone, but I clutched it tightly, my only lifeline if things escalated. The yelling intensified into a terrifying storm. With a sickening crash, she barreled into my door, shattering the already weakened frame – a physical manifestation of our fractured relationship. Screws littered the floor as she loomed closer, threats spewing from her lips. Her intent was clear: to take my phone and silence me.
: Exhausted from enduring abuse, I refused to relinquish my phone. When she lunged, attempting a bite on my shoulder, I stood firm. No more questions, just the will to take control. Frustrated, she retreated. The assault left me shaken, but resolute. With no lock due to prior incidents, I braced myself against the broken door. Ten agonizing minutes crawled by as she relentlessly pushed against it, the screws groaning in protest. Finally, the weakened frame gave way, snapping against her leg. A torrent of screams and curses erupted from the other side.
She descended into further chaos, hurling insults and comparing me to my dad, the source of our family's pain. But I was done. Looking her in the eye, I said, "I'm sorry you're hurting, you hurt yourself You hurt me. I don't feel safe, and I need to leave." With that, I grabbed my belongings and fled. Reaching my sister, I explained the situation and tearfully said goodbye to friends, fearing my mom's manipulations. My sister urged me to call the police, but I worried about their response to a mental health crisis. Determined to get help, I decided to call my best friend, possibly for the last time. I recounted the ordeal, expressing my gratitude for his friendship despite past mistakes.
Sirens wailed in the distance, then abruptly stopped. Officers emerged and questioned me. Reliving the night's events, I desperately hoped for help. However, to my utter confusion, they asked me to put down my belongings and handcuffed me. My rights were recited again, but betrayal and confusion clouded my understanding. Weren't they there to help? Instead, I found myself committed to another hospital for a month, forced to spend a lonely New Year's Day within its sterile walls.
Fueled by a burning desire to prove my innocence, I tirelessly pleaded my case. It felt surreal – I, the victim, was treated with suspicion. The worst part? The complete lack of control. Yet, I fought for what was right. The haunting question, "Why?" echoed in my head. Finally, my sister intervened, offering a safe haven. But my mom, consumed by her animosity, refused. Despite the fear, returning home seemed like the only option. It was a return to a broken reality – the same issues, different day. My resolve to escape solidified. I focused on getting emancipated, a job, anything that granted me independence. This defiance enraged her; she craved control, but I was done. The following two weeks were a tense stand-off...
My mom's manipulative tactics escalated. She made false police reports and withheld essential documents like my Social Security card to control me. Even simple requests for my Chromebook charger for schoolwork turned into arguments. Finally, during one episode, she stole the charger and called the police with fabricated stories. This time, the officer recognized her erratic behavior and my truthful testimony. I spent a brief stay in the hospital where they finally believed me. Released into my mom's care, I braced for another fight. Shockingly, she drove me to a police station, claiming I attacked her. But with the officer and my sister on speakerphone, the truth prevailed. They recognized her deteriorating mental state. The agonizing car ride became a desperate plea – why was she hurting herself and our family? Exhausted but resolute, I ended up at a friend's house for the night, then entered foster care the next day. Finding a welcoming home felt like a cruel twist of fate. Witnessing a healthy family dynamic at the ice rink only amplified my pain. My sister's husband arrived, offering a lifeline – a chance to escape the cycle of abuse. The decision was mine: get in the car or stay. As I walked to my friend's house, a healthy family dinner unfolded before me, a stark contrast to my reality. Finally, I confided in them about my situation. With their support and a secret code from my sister, I embarked on a daring escape. Two long, desert hours under the stars, navigating unfamiliar territory, led me to the school – my only beacon of hope. Exhausted and cold, I stumbled upon my brother-in-law, car just as he was about to leave. His familiar voice offered escape – "Get in if you want to change your life." With trembling hands, I climbed in, ready to embrace a new beginning
Reiners response
Despite enduring unimaginable abuse, I never relinquished hope. The kindness of strangers became my lifeline, reminding me that humanity persists even in the darkest of times. Through every hardship, I held onto the belief that doing the right thing matters. This journey has been a testament to the power of letting go, even when it means letting go of family. It's a painful truth, but sometimes letting go is the bravest and healthiest choice we can make to move forward. Witnessing firsthand the destructive power of abuse, trauma, and mental illness, I came to a difficult realization. As much as I hated her actions, I knew they stemmed from her illness. Hate breeds only hate, and I refused to become the monster she was battling within. The past can't define you. It's a heavy weight, but you don't have to carry it forever. All you can do is keep moving forward, one step at a time. Be the person you want to be, the person others see the potential in you to be. The future holds possibilities you can't even imagine yet. Embrace the journey, and never lose sight of the strength and hope you've discovered within yourself.

I’ve had it easy And I’ve been blessed To only suffer the feeling For those with less And those with more Of the carnage of war That pounds unwelcome at their door That brings down the roof And scars the youth Of tens of thousands Who are used to playing Going to school And maybe just losing their first front tooth And now a hand And now a leg And now a parent And now a friend And now a family And now a future And now the vividness of sense Vanishing with their view And what happens then, I cannot say I only see pictures of their pain This I’ve understood That I have had it good Though I’m trained to think that I’m in need By the vulturous advertiser’s greed And my problems have all been imagined ones Internal battles with my own demons The battles of one’s own existence The persistence of my own resistance To such inevitabilities of life: Universal failures, strivings, strife That distract all us living from our dying But again there are the very many Whose peace must come among with plenty of things not other than agonies Nothing other than tragedies, And not of chance but travesty The contortions of humanity The results of the depravity Of those hearts that are but a cavity And callous to the gravity Of a single person multiplied By the millions more amplified By the screaming of each and all The loudness of unanswered calls The desperate wails that overcome The visions of the tons and tons Of bodies piling in the sun The former loved and loving ones No longer… looking like… Persons For evil ideologues there are calculations: Who can we trick into taking our side? Who can we get to fund our supplies? When can we erase them and begin renovations? What can we gain from this mass starvation? And this is what the killers think That flesh and blood And beings that breathe Have no value guaranteed Not to mention the truths perceived In years and years of life elapsed In the children’s futures and elders’ pasts No different than buildings collapsed And we all can see Though some deny And others turn away their eyes We all can think And know the lies Forget for a second our piece of the pie We all can hear The babies’ cries How many more are going to die? If you have the power it’s time to decide
​
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I’ve had it easy
And I’ve been blessed
To only suffer the feeling
For those with less
And those with more
Of the carnage of war
That pounds unwelcome at their door
That brings down the roof
And scars the youth
Of tens of thousands
Who are used to playing
Going to school
And maybe just losing their first front tooth
And now a hand
And now a leg
And now a parent
And now a friend
And now a family
And now a future
And now the vividness of sense
Vanishing with their view
And what happens then, I cannot say
I only see pictures of their pain
This I’ve understood
That I have had it good
Though I’m trained to think that I’m in need
By the vulturous advertiser’s greed
And my problems have all been imagined ones
Internal battles with my own demons
The battles of one’s own existence
The persistence of my own resistance
To such inevitabilities of life:
Universal failures, strivings, strife
That distract all us living from our dying
But again there are the very many
Whose peace must come among with plenty
of things not other than agonies
Nothing other than tragedies,
And not of chance but travesty
The contortions of humanity
The results of the depravity
Of those hearts that are but a cavity
And callous to the gravity
Of a single person multiplied
By the millions more amplified
By the screaming of each and all
The loudness of unanswered calls
The desperate wails that overcome
The visions of the tons and tons
Of bodies piling in the sun
The former loved and loving ones
No longer…
looking like…
Persons
For evil ideologues there are calculations:
Who can we trick into taking our side?
Who can we get to fund our supplies?
When can we erase them and begin renovations?
What can we gain from this mass starvation?
And this is what the killers think
That flesh and blood
And beings that breathe
Have no value guaranteed
Not to mention the truths perceived
In years and years of life elapsed
In the children’s futures and elders’ pasts
No different than buildings collapsed
And we all can see
Though some deny
And others turn away their eyes
We all can think
And know the lies
Forget for a second our piece of the pie
We all can hear
The babies’ cries
How many more are going to die?
If you have the power it’s time to decide

I’ve had it easy And I’ve been blessed To only suffer the feeling For those with less And those with more Of the carnage of war That pounds unwelcome at their door That brings down the roof And scars the youth Of tens of thousands Who are used to playing Going to school And maybe just losing their first front tooth And now a hand And now a leg And now a parent And now a friend And now a family And now a future And now the vividness of sense Vanishing with their view And what happens then, I cannot say I only see pictures of their pain This I’ve understood That I have had it good Though I’m trained to think that I’m in need By the vulturous advertiser’s greed And my problems have all been imagined ones Internal battles with my own demons The battles of one’s own existence The persistence of my own resistance To such inevitabilities of life: Universal failures, strivings, strife That distract all us living from our dying But again there are the very many Whose peace must come among with plenty of things not other than agonies Nothing other than tragedies, And not of chance but travesty The contortions of humanity The results of the depravity Of those hearts that are but a cavity And callous to the gravity Of a single person multiplied By the millions more amplified By the screaming of each and all The loudness of unanswered calls The desperate wails that overcome The visions of the tons and tons Of bodies piling in the sun The former loved and loving ones No longer… looking like… Persons For evil ideologues there are calculations: Who can we trick into taking our side? Who can we get to fund our supplies? When can we erase them and begin renovations? What can we gain from this mass starvation? And this is what the killers think That flesh and blood And beings that breathe Have no value guaranteed Not to mention the truths perceived In years and years of life elapsed In the children’s futures and elders’ pasts No different than buildings collapsed And we all can see Though some deny And others turn away their eyes We all can think And know the lies Forget for a second our piece of the pie We all can hear The babies’ cries How many more are going to die? If you have the power it’s time to decide