Hi y'all. I have a hair appointment in an hour and I think I want to cut bangs (I've wanted this for years lol) but the inspiration picture I found looks like my stepsister's hairstyle (although I want it slightly longer) and I'm afraid it will look like I'm copying her even though I'm not. I also bought a skirt recently that looks like something she would wear (I realised this, but I bought it anyway because it was my favourite colour and comfortable, was this wrong to do?) That combined with the bangs might look like I'm trying to copy her and the family dynamic on that side of the family is a bit awkward for me so i'm afraid I could get in trouble or made fun of for copying her. Should I just say "screw it" and do it anyway? I probably will, I've wanted this since before I met her. Or should I just not do it?
P.s. sorry, didnt know which flair to use

Timestamp: https://imgur.com/a/phAS1sL
Good afternoon and happy Sunday. I’m looking to sell or trade my iPhone 13 Pro 128GB Gold, AirPods Pro 1 with MagSafe, and AirPods Pro 1. I’ll put what I’m looking for trade wise down below. Any questions or offers shoot me a PM.
Prices (Shipped)

• iPhone - $450 - Photos: https://imgur.com/a/9A4JU9m and https://imgur.com/a/dkD2ykV
• AirPods as a pair - $75 - Photos: https://imgur.com/a/Tb7cNU9 and https://imgur.com/a/fzQPX9k
• Everything - $500

Trade Items

• Glock 19 or 17 Mags
• PMAG 30 rounders
• Magpul BAD Lever
• BCM KAG Keymod
• BCM Grip Mod 3
• BCM QD Endplate
• BCM MLOK Sling Mount
• Larue MBT-2S
• Radian Talon
• Holosun 508T
• Holosun EPS
• 3x Magnifier

The iPhone is in great condition with no scratches on the screen, and very little wear marks along the metal edges. Comes in the original box with accessories. I left the screen protector on, but I can remove and send pictures upon request. I’ll also throw in the green leather case.
The AirPods with MagSafe work as they should. There are scratches on the case. As well as dirt in the cracks of the case. I wiped everything down with a brush and alcohol swabs as best I could. The photos show the amount of wear. I’m selling both sets of AirPods as a pair right now.
The AirPods without MagSafe are in similar condition physically. However, it makes a scratchy noise when you turn on transparency or noise cancelling mode. When I leave them in the normal mode I don’t hear the noise. Probably something to do with the microphones on the outside.

Good afternoon anybody, somebody, nobody, & everybody
all evidence DM ME
My name is Jain Kunwar
I am a retail trader for 3.5 years.
I am not an ape, I am not an institutional investor, I am not a hedge fund.
Nor do I have any clients.
I do not provide personalised investment advice for fees or commissions or tax purposes.
I'm just an individual investor who did my own research like Detective Columbo/Pikachu.
I come from a broken family, I have been to prison, I have been homeless even at 15 for many years.
I am not a good person, but I am seeking salvation from God.
I been doing Heroin since the age of 13, sober 8 years since the day I pleaded out to God in Merton station London at 1 am asking God to save me.
Which I believe in myself he did because shortly…….
Soon after, I went prison by confessing all my crimes and the judge let me run it concurrently for being honest that I need help and I had no foundation and healed a bit moving forwards in life.
I was born on May 10th, 1994, in Nepal Butwal. Home of the Gurkhas
I came to England 2002 November & have lived here since.
I class my self as Asian British A9
I have been repenting for my sins happily, paying off my debts and learning to be a good human being for I was a sinner till I met Jesus in Church of England.
My one and only father Jesus.
I have been following and invested in Game stop for a long time.
I started educating myself about the stock market since then.
I have been buying shares of GameStop Since 2021 But since 2021 June been incurring losses through market manipulation techniques I.E.
I had been denied withdrawals/ buying or selling options, leveraging options from Capital.NLY

Which incurred me 6 Grand losses on June 2021 and God knows how much/many other investors BIG or small in all exchanges that this effected.
I also have evidence of numerous times the trading app has halted its trade for more then 30 minutes to an hour in a single day! But for these I have videos more then images
I am happy to hand it over if you tell me where to send it.
They kept ignoring me until a month ago in May the 10^th 2024 will touch base here later(miracle)
I have what’s app records of me trying to make complaints throughout the years with no redemption or straight answers.
I once spoke to an employee male & female one said, “We are experiencing some technical difficulties” this was about 1-2 years ago.
The Craziest thing was the ticker was moving in other exchanges just not in the one I was trading from.
Once it didn’t even open for 1.5 hours when it was open everywhere else
It finally opened at 10:49 how I know? I experienced this.
Under the FCA regulations all registered Trading Companies have a duty to protect investors from glitches and “technical difficulties”
Which They failed to do so for me I speak for myself and only what I have experienced.
The company even has glitched my leveraging system of 5-1 which was the setting since joining the company.
where, even if you pick 5-1 you only receive 2-1.
I have evidence of this as well & it’s not the first time either.
I know this has been done 100x of times if you take a Deeper Dive in the company’s own trading platform.
You won’t be able to find in other exchanges as other exchanges are working well so you cannot see the reason as its all “inter- linked”.
“Inter-linked “exchanges one falls apart whilst others are moving causing direct market manipulation.
Quoting blade runner “inter-linked”


Since then, I have been sent death threats anonymously.
Which also I can prove It was sent by him by connecting some dots with you
I met the owner in Wembley stadium in Corporate Box I was invited by Mr Stephen O
He contacted me and invited me to his corporate box on 8/6/24 I went there to find clarity as hackers have been going through my phones and social media with death threats.
Currently he is getting his hackers to find out where my siblings are and such as those are the type of questions I am getting in my social media platforms.
I call it phsing, smishing and vhising all 3 were used on my network.
Using carefully relaying questions in segment to build a definitive answer by narrowing down the wrong answers.
Like how it asks me what horoscope I am, Questions like use your initials to create a Japanese name.
Narrowing down an answer what every analytical mind would do.
I have been going through this since May 10^th after he contacted me.
I have said my name is J to every one of these questions should be in my social media history.
Notice how it says JJ DEAD MAN COVER
i.e
Notice how I met the Owner at 8/6/24 1 pm corporate box …there are plenty cameras there.
I like to be clear here I do not know this person or have his number for him to be coming to my social media as people “whom I know”.
I believe it was the vhising technique of his goons on hire you can see my history for the past month in call history I been getting scam calls left right and centre.
I will also give a copy of screen recording on request.
Then I went home and put a video of his trading app chart not moving like other exchanges for example having a 1-minute ticker symbol does not move for 30 minutes in graph line on my social media suddenly,
I see a people “whom you might know” soon after I posted the video.
I only went to the corporate box because he told me he has over 300 people retail traders coming which I was the only retail there apart from 5 millionaires 4 of which I believe they own the company only speculation whom others are currently.
But I felt an eerily vibe So I did not eat their food or take their hospitality which was probably funded by investors like me getting robbed blind because he thought no one would notice.
I also met a man there I spoke to him he told me His trading account was transferred to their platform.
The clue is there which accounts have been moved without consent or choice?
He will plan to bring all in one to have more control and doing this also erases all traces of manipulation in the trading platform it moved from a very sly way to delete history.
Should not affect me though I joined capital.com ticker symbol. NLY as my first and only trading app.
I have lost all history of my trade’s funds and even portfolios deleted without notice of consent why is he observing my account and why is he deleting everything without my consent? He knows he did me wrong that’s why because he uses capital.com to manipulate the market into his interest.
I can identify all 4 of them even though I only spoke to Mr S.O over the phone and only know their name.
I ended up being the only retail trader there, A poor man in a Billionaires Club
So out of place
I just can’t figure out why, Can you?
The ticker symbol has to be moving according to the time even if the price does not fluctuate the time has to keep moving like kinetic energy.
It has to be moving unless halted which can be only 35 minutes per day but I have counted over 1 hour gone in some days


I have been through mental trauma with hackers trying to hypnotize me with flashing lights and other spiral colour techniques mind you.
I am an epileptic which I grew out of when I was 15 which is highly reactive to epileptic people.
Miracle indeed, as many don't, certainly not after adult hood.

Also, they have tried to ask me questions to figure out whom I am on my social media,
I got closer to their crimes and my truth and they wanted to know what I know or make me join them as per the invitation I believe bribing me to survive another few years maybe?
Hope you Enjoyed the Corporate box Kenny it was from the money you stole from me!
Steal from the poor how dare you?
pushing pornographic and other Hypno/flashing light techniques to my social media platforms
also using racial harassment by calling me Paki Psycho
At least get the country right! Originally from Nepal BITCH Gurkhas Salute!
We both know whom we are now S.O
Which over the past 3 years have also caused me to lose everything…..
money, love, joy, sanity & dreams.
I have been Robbed constantly from these techniques they use also the withdrawal rejection from 10000 to even 100 this was very recently too. Have some images to reference this too.
I log almost everything I do.
That’s just how I found healing/clarity by writing it down.
I spoke to a person named Emma who told me to withdraw,
I have to show all my cards even the bank card “HSBC” which was bankrupt and stopped without consent.
Jokes on them I still had it Q.Q ahahaaha even after I showed them it didn’t work.
Until 3 days later after I lost 65% of my investment.
I like to point out, I mentioned to HSBC many times I am currently struggling and am willing to pay in an instalment plan.
What I can because I did not want my account to close ever as it would effect my credit score most indefinitely.
Also, the weirdest request was they asked me to show them a picture of the different Barclays Cards I have with the same account number.
saying it must be the same card but it’s the same account number same card basically so why?
I replied, I put the money from my apple pay send it back to my apple pay card he said please send us an email of all your cards indirectly refusing to let me withdraw whilst I am in profit.

So, I sent them by email which I should have on my email “for reference”.
He also mentioned he will be my account manager and watch my account after the first time he called me because I am a “premium” account.
I still am a premium account with minimum 5-1 leveraging glitched to 2-1 with only 400 pounds left in my account and still watches where and when as my judgement has been good when to buy.
Buy low sell high! Or just hold but I couldn’t do any of these.
I believe it took him this long for many years the issue was my real name and my social media are not the same people.
As I do not have a social media account anywhere with my real name.

He started taking control of my account and portfolios since the day he contacted me on 2024 May 5-15 around the same time I started losing again drastically.
Unfortunately, I cannot provide you how much money I had made in profits or losses because “My account manager of a premium account less then 50 grand had deleted all my portfolios and trade history to clear his name”.
My account portfolio was called Bullish-CFD
Glory CFD and 3 gbps cfds I ended up with one named GBP usd
How the name changed I do not know
I suspect he closed my shared and opened it in a different portfolio causing 8888 amc share sale in my account 1112 GME shares.
As these most of these shares were bought months ago which I believe he has to pay for borrowing he doesn’t have to pay if it was new trades, I suspect this happened here.
Why else would I not the Portfolio I had designated names on.
This can also explain why my trade history has been wiped.
I did not do this I did not consent this nor was I notified.
Let me make this clear I do not have any controls or jurisdiction to wipe my history of trades if you could compare with other users to see if they have been wiped out and why it has been wiped out as its detrimental for Securities Agency to have correct data of everything that is going on with trading exchanges.
Which makes me believe more in the investment of AMC & GME.
I also believe Mr S.O prior to 2 years ago before all these new rules started coming, he was using his trading account to artificially increase profits by making a profit/gain.
I.E you open a position in a stock that is about to split in the market or going through one.
Let’s say its 2 5-1 reverse split now its 10 he made 8 decimal gains instead of changing the shares according to the split.
This crime trick he used to manipulate the market ended when sundial went for a share split reverse.
I came to realise this when I ventured in a demo account, and it worked but I didn’t do it with real money as that is not the right way.
I am trying to be good doing it the right way.

I have worked physically demanding jobs for many years working 6 days -7 days per week doing 55-65 hours per week, killed my joy in life and even went without food to invest in this company as I believe in the Company board, company outlook and company fundamentals all 3 checks out as a great investment to my eyes a hat trick to a quad trick now.
Putting money in it almost every month in the past 3-4 years.
My journey ends here with my Losses from market manipulation but I will reveal the truth!!!
They have robbed us again and again even the government has been robbed.
just for their benefit ruined many people’s lives all over the world.
Especially now that the company managed to be stable and grow profits.
But the issue here is not my losses it’s the market manipulation.
the company is doing all they can to not close their losing trade which is the
THE BOX everyone is talking about, but no one is knowing about somebody may know though.
Maybe investigate their wives’ accounts and you might find it on a marginal line red line in this account.
The blonde lady. Wearing navy blue jeans. Bingo!
Mr Stephen O has tried bribing me in social media sending women over my home to seduce me but my dog did her job right! And sensed the intentions I know this because I had a media pushed through my social media saying do you want me to send you two women to seduce me in hiding his criminal behaviours but this is not about me
He has robbed millions of people .

I have evidence of this as well to turn it in his favour as I believe he is short on GameStop which is a direct Conflict of interest “the reasons why I am been having these trading technical issues “
Trying to turn you into a gambler not investor! By taking away the withdraw, buy or sell!!!
You see,
The universe spoke to me, and I am becoming the voice for everybody who are being robbed by this man.
Call it a sign, a cohencidence or just dumb luck!
I am not a messiah though I just uncovered the truth!
2 weeks before my birthday on May 10^th,, a stray kitten gave birth to 4 kittens and left only one behind. The squeeze began on my Birthday no fucking way!!!!!!!!
I/we have since, been taking care of her.
Meet My Newborn Kitten.

At 2 weeks old.

I also have a conspiracy theory on this as an attempt to harm my kitten.
To destroy me and make me stop trading.
I have frozen the medication Dr Elliot not a regular vet from that practice.
Well not the ones we see anyways 2 out 3 times.
My kitten was very ill shortly after taking the medication was also recommended to euthanised my kitten.
If you see her now you won’t believe why they would ever recommend this.
Of course, I argued and took control of the situation and saved her.
When I am back on my feet, I am going to a professional to check it out completely.
I like to remind you I already have a dog in this house for that cat to dare to come in my yard and give birth its like it was meant to be here cats? get it?
She is about 2.2 times her size now! Growing strong !!! just like GAMESTOP
CANT STOP WONT STOP GAME STOP
In Jesus name can I get AMEN!
b4 I continue...
I currently work as a civil engineer and am on the quest to turn my life around in my Pursuit of Happiness.
Thank heavens as I do not even hold a GCSE another miracle!
That I have this job.
I am a troubled child, but I still have dreams... of making it in life.
Which is providing my future wife and kids with everything I did not receive,
love, attention, guidance and more importantly a home they can sleep comfortably knowing they will have a place to sleep again tomorrow.
But I do not blame anyone as it was a first time for everyone being a father... a mother...even me a son just as guilty.
But I want you to keep reading this story… as it is very important if you have lost in the stock market as there are many other stocks that are missing in chart it was probably getting diluted for someone’s benefit to maybe stabilise their losing trading account.
I get the desperation that’s how I felt scrounging, borrowing money when I felt like I was about to be margin called totally human reaction.
The way he gained the money to stabilise it was totally criminal though.
I feel like he is digging himself a bigger and bigger hole and that hole is up some skunks arse hole by now.
I also like to point out Mr S.O has notified me that capital is a British company, but I have seen it being registered in the state of
This is the Final frontier.

My judgement was clouded by addiction made me do bad things...
I apologise to everyone I caused harm/inconvenience in the past and now.
I really am.
From the bottom of my heart.
my actions were clouded by addiction it took me more than a decade to defeat my heroin addiction.
At this sober state, now If you ask me anything; I’ll tell you even if it gets me in trouble
without a second thought.
I like to point out through out my columbo detective move I came across various information some even I should not know.
All I’m seeking is justice and peace right now and I hope someone can help me get this as I have proof for most of these speculations.
But I believe Mr S.O has been sending his hackers to feed numbers into my head by keep pushing it into my feed.
Because of this I purposely lost all my trades as I will not participate in insider trading sent by Mr S.O to convict me to silence.
Realising I was being watched by numerous people.
I went into a state of hallucinations, insanity.
It was hard but I crawled back out of the hackers infiltrating my device to corrupt my mind and decisions.
I suffer with anxiety and depression already too and have been suffering further since Mr S.O has called me.
I just didn’t know this before he called me, and all the pieces started to connect.

As this type of speculations and claims are only for the wealthy and privileged.
I know I am neither.
I am a very poor man with no land no inheritance no support.
Everything I earn is from these hands that push tools and this mind that tries to learn investing.
At my day job I give my 110% physically
at home
I work my mind 110% to try being an experienced smart investotrader as I know once I have knowledge and skill, I can make money easily after.
Currently, I am sharpening my day trading skills to further increase my knowledge from investor to a trader.
I earning ends meet living pay-check to pay-check and I will continue doing so to save earn invest and one day have a place, which my future family can call our home proudly safely.
But I still see the deep value in a growing company as the more room for growth the more gains the investment will make.
I learnt this from reading and following great investors of this decade I.E DFV videos of GameStop 3 years ago.
I especially like the one where we roll the 8 ball and just find a random ticker and analyse it you never know what dumb luck can bring you.
A school dropout like me to GameStop and I have learnt more things than I did in my lifetime.
You can learn anything in YouTube now amazing really we should use technology to assist us not work for us I strongly believe not use it for our own personal gain just because you have coders.
If you look through their trading app they chart doesn’t even revert the history into split prices SUPER MANIPULATION.

1 I love the stock/I believe in the stock.
2 the company has board members who doesn’t even get salary.
For this they have my trust of my investment and that they will do everything in their knowledge and power to make this company successful as toys brings “JOY” even to adults.

I kept putting more and more invested in this company, but the stock is being manipulated so it doesn’t work everyone will lose as how the conflict-of-interest person wants it he has survived until now because of this but there were no major leads of this I believe.
[Again, I am here to speak about GameStop and the TRUTH]()
I still see GameStop as a great investment.
The company survived Covid 19, also is profitable and stable currently.
With all the current market price fluctuations
Also the price has not dropped below 40! pre split price.
which further strengthens my speculation,
I currently own only 18 shares of GameStop I did have over a thousand.
But the company owners of; Capital.com ticker symbol NLY.
Have done everything they can to make me lose a winning investment.
They took my buy button my sell button and even stopped trading for more than 30 mins and hid it from none trading eyes in the bigger picture.
He also took my shares and diluted it I have incurred about 61 grand losses from my history of trading because of these market manipulation techniques over the past 3-4 years.
I as an investor a client of capital trading app was not treated fairly.
1 Even when I have raised complaints numerous time over the past 3-4 years was shrugged off because I am just well a NOBODY.
I call it a poor man's privileges.
2 Under FCA regulations Glitches or technical failures that cause financial harm to customers is a breach of this rule.
3 I am formally writing a complaint here and raising awareness with evidence of market manipulation!
would like support regarding the Law side of things and what i can recover from being ridiculed and robbed.
Using my food & leisure money to invest in this company.
I sacrificed my Joy for this investment with my hard earned money by working 50-60 hours a week labour 52 weeks per year non stop you can check my work rota records sometimes even 70 per week in physically demanding jobs.
1He has sent me Death threats today of what I am revealing now since meeting him in Wembley Stadium 8/6/26 (have a image of sending me death threats after meeting him today using paid hackers)
1 3/half weeks ago he called me to say I am in a premium account there are 300 of you and I would like to invite you to meet him today
which was really weird why is he putting my account on premium and saying He is going to look after it I am retail trader I have barely any money in account!
and deleted all my portfolio and trade history everything wiped clean!
+I suspect this was getting rid of evidence as I am right at the heart of the Griffin
I know why he took ownership from me without my consent and sold it without me knowing by derivatives and decreased the market value for his personal benefits.
Because he is already manipulating using this trading platform to control the prices elsewhere.
I have evidence of this you can only see it just DM me
if you look at the charts in their trading platform you can see it yourself to say it’s not photo shop.
no one else can notice it if you are not using the same app!!
+
2 Mr Stephen and his goons have been manipulating the stock since gamestop! 2021
+prior to 2 years ago his app would increase profits even from a split share!
I came across this information on 2022 You should recheck all files that are linked to him and splitting shares tickers as he has robbed them blind too.
I was the only retail investor, there alongside his corporate buddies which I am happy to identify and stand as witness.
I felt safe though as I don't even Fear the Darkest Night as I always walked by faith and believed in God has a purpose for me too..
A nobody like me maybe could be somebody one day!

(all hail great DFV) got to pay your respects !
I learnt trading since 2021
“Once there was a farmer who sold a pound of butter to a baker every week.
After several weeks of purchasing butter from the farmer the baker decided to weigh it. To insure it was indeed a full pound.
When he weighed it, he discovered the butter felt short of a pound which enraged him and made him feel cheated and decided to take the farmer to court.
The judge asked the farmer what his method is of weighing the butter.
the farmer replied “your honour, I am poor I do not own any exact measuring tool.
How ever I do have a Scale.
The judge then inquired if the farmer uses the scale to measure the butter the farmer explained.
“Your honour I have been buying a 1 pound of loaf from the baker Long before he began purchasing butter from me,
When ever he brings the bread, I place it on the scale and measure out the same weight to give him in return.
So, if the baker is not receiving a pound of butter he is also not delivering a pound of bread as promised.
The moral you get what you give if you try to cheat others of what they promised them.
You will be cheated in return.

KARMA IS REAL AND KARMA WILL PUNISH ALL OF YOU WILL GO PRISON

2nd: Ian Rosenberger (Palau - 3rd)

friends forever <3
u/DryBonesKing:
Claims to be a dolphin trainer. Yet, he shows us no dolphin tricks. Even worse, there aren’t even any dolphins showed with him. Literally unwatchable, zero out of ten. I’m sure a New Era Dolphin Trainer would have the decency to have a flashback scene with pictures of a dolphin…
I opt to meme about Ian instead of trying to do a writeup because what is there to fucking say? It’s Ian fucking Rosenberger! I think I know more people who have Ian as their number one favorite Survivor of all than any other Survivor. That’s the pull that this guy has! I currently have placed all my chips on Twila being the one who will end up winning this Rankdown, but I think Ian is just as likely and is just as equally deserving. And just like Twila, he also has the distinct pleasure of being one of the most tragic figures in Survivor history after a very complicated story of having his morals completely and utterly tested in the worst ways possible.
The entire relationship between Ian, Tom, and Katie feels scripted. That’s how good of a story it is, because I almost refuse to believe that somehow reality can actually work the way that it did. Watching this goofy, smiley, joyful guy at the beginning and seeing him completely broken holding onto a buoy in the final immunity challenge – not even out of a desire to win but almost out of instinct and a desire to figure out who he is as a person – is some of the rawest shit I’ve ever seen. And somehow, despite all of the tragedy involved in his tale, seeing him finally make peace with himself at the very end of a brutal, neverending challenge and going out seemingly on his own terms just feels so much more personally satisfying than any other possible ending I could have imagined. Palau is a brutal, emotional watch and Ian is an incredible rollercoaster experience to observe as well, but goddamn, when it’s all said and over, it truly feels worth it by the end of it all.
Overall Rank – 6/821
~
u/Zanthosus:
Ian is my favorite character in the history of the show. I adore everything about his story. I’m naturally drawn to people who let their emotions influence their decisions in the game over strategy and there’s really nobody else to exemplify why I adore that than Ian.
~
u/Tommyroxs45:
Ian has one of the best stories in Survivor history, and I think to most, including me, that’s an object fact. His story is a testament to what Survivor does to you mentally and how important vital relationships are in Survivor, not because of the game, but for you. It’s told absolutely brilliantly and he makes the endgame of Palau probably the best endgame in the history of Survivor. He deserves his spot here, among the greats!
~
u/Regnisyak1:
Ian has one of the strongest, most emotional, incredible, captivating, enticing, exciting, craziest, and engaging stories ever on Survivor. That’s a lot of adjectives, but I think he is such a complex character and helps make Palau, Palau. Watching his breakdown at the end of the season is so rough, but such an important story and it encapsulates the power of friendship, how the island wears you down over time, the conflicting storylines involving leadership, and a subversion of gender roles of those traditionally expected in society. I love Ian, I love his relationships with other characters like Tom, Caryn, and Katie, and his place in Endgame, and eighth time overall, is completely deserved.
Personal Rank: 2/821. 10/10.
~
u/ninjedi1:
Ian is an interesting guy on Palau. He's the one that ends up beginning the formation of the dominant Koror tribe, and is pretty much in the driver's seat with Tom the entire time in premerge. However, his relationships start to fall apart as the game progresses, to the point where he's a huge emotional, mess, and makes the big decision to throw himself on the sword to let his friends make it to the end of the game.
~~~~~
u/SMC0629:
Ian Rosenberger
I think I’m done with Survivor after this writeup. I’ve come to realize that the show just isn’t for me anymore. There’s many different things I’m interested in, and have become more interested in than Survivor. It’s been nine years, nine long, but amazing years of being a loving fan of the show. From elementary school, where I’d come home awaiting the newest episode, making tribes out of people in my classes. To middle school, where I discovered Survivor content on Youtube, interacting with the people in the comment sections (if you know who A.J Deets is you’re a real one), and discovering what the “edit” was. To high school, where I discovered rankdowns. That first rankdown from 2022, and this one, have made me consider who really is my favorite character in the show. For the longest time, my favorite character has been Jonny Fairplay 1.0, and I still hold to that. However, he was sadly cut before endgame, so I had to find a second option. I had to think, who is my favorite? More importantly, what character encapsulates why I keep coming back to this show, and what makes me love it so much? There were many options, a lot of them in this very endgame roster, but one stuck out to me. One character that I’ve adored since my first watch of their season back in 2017, one that stayed in my mind when scrolling through survivor in middle school, and one that has been ranked high for me in these rankdowns. Maybe one day, he’ll even find himself at the coveted top spot, and that character is Ian Rosenberger.
Going back to that original state of mind I had, a casual Survivor fan in 2017, just now experiencing old-school Survivor (with the exception of All-Stars). Why did I like Ian right off the bat? Well, my dad’s name is Ian, I’m sure that had some part in it, along with his funny looking hair. His occupation was being a “dolphin trainer,” which I thought was really cool. On top of that though, he seemed like a chill guy, and back then I always rooted for the more physical competitors. After all, he just won the first “challenge” of the season, by racing back to shore and winning the immunity necklace. This would only continue throughout the first few episodes of the season, as Ian would be a dominant figure in the Koror tribe, being more nice than someone like Tom, but not as big in the picture. He even retrieved the reward Koror had lost at sea after their first immunity challenge.
Skipping ahead to the later half of the premerge, and I suppose the early merge as well, Ian’s charisma really shines. This is something that’s really important, not just for his character, but why I enjoyed him so much too. Back in middle school, I referred to most of my favorite old school characters as just being ones that were likable. Obviously, this doesn’t hold up now, like most of my survivor era takes (along with great ones such as “Ghost Island is my 16th favorite season”), as I had a big preference towards the newer seasons with some exceptions. However, due to the nostalgia I had for Palau, that season was always one of my favorites, and Ian was always one of my favorite contestants. While he may never have been the center of attention until the very end, he was always there in the background, making a smart comment or something. His voting confessionals are a great example, like the one for Gregg: “Gregg, you’re the dark horse, so now it’s time for the dark horse to ride out into the sunset.”
However, that background status plays into two different relationships perfectly, the two most important of the season, mind you: Katie and Tom. Katie represents his social game, the person who Ian has created the biggest bond with throughout the season, as seen through numerous moments. As for Tom, Ian’s other best friend, it plays into the factor of the game. See the thing is, Tom has always had his mind on the game, whether it’s questioning his threat level, using Steph’s target to his advantage, or thinking about his different alliances. Ian on the other hand, has floated in the background, letting Tom take the heat, intentionally or unintentionally. Either way, Tom is seen as the bigger player, and his first two immunity wins are nothing to scoff at either. It’s at the final six where both of these relationships begin to clash, and the downfall of Ian begins. At first, Gregg becomes too comfortable, making his ideal final three plan too clear, alarming Tom “it’s the cake, we didn’t come here for the icing.” With this, Tom brings in Ian to conspire against Gregg, working together with Caryn to blindside him. Once again, Tom is taking the reins, proving to be a smarter player overall than Ian, but something different happens this time. Instead, it’s Ian who takes the heat when he is forced to pull in Katie at the last minute. Katie agrees, breaking her word with Gregg and Jenn, basically sinking any chance she might have had at beating someone. Things go from dicey to outright bad for Ian quickly, as he wins the final five reward challenge, but brings Tom with him after agreeing to bring Katie beforehand. Katie is furious at Ian, and when he gets back from the reward, she lays into him, both of them shedding tears. It’s such an impactful and real moment, but the two’s friendship overcomes it, and they come together to vote out Caryn that night.
By this point, Ian knows he needs to get Tom out. That’s all he needs actually. Him and Katie in the final two is an easy 1 mil for him, he just needs to eliminate his best friend. Unfortunately, Tom pulls out another immunity win. Despite that, Tom values his friendship with Ian, and is fine keeping him around to vote off Jenn. Ian however, is foaming at the mouth to get Tom out, so bad that he actually slips up in front of him, saying that it would have been a tough decision had Tom not won immunity. Immediately, Tom’s alarm bells ring, and he knows Ian is gunning for him. The mood at tribal council is dramatically different than at camp. What could have been a remorseful goodbye to Jenn has turned into a showdown between two friends. Tom scolds Ian for betraying their friendship, and no matter how much Ian denies it, the pieces have already fallen in place. Despite Ian saving himself in fire, he may as well be a ghost to his two best friends. Katie and Tom haven’t said a word to him since tribal, and Ian breaks down in a confessional. He didn’t want to be the bad guy, it shouldn’t have gone this way. This scene really struck a chord for me on my first watch, and has always stuck with me. Despite it all, Ian still has one last chance to score the big prize, the final immunity challenge. Pretty quickly, Katie drops out, leaving it down to the final showdown against Tom. Tom still doesn’t say much to Ian, with Ian trying to stay confident. During the whole challenge though, you can tell Ian’s masking his true feelings, he wants to say so many things to Tom and Katie but can’t. The two stay up on those poles for almost 12 hours, until finally, Ian’s mask comes off. Ian says he’ll step down, and Tom can take Katie to the final two, to show that he still cares about their friendship. And for the first time in this challenge, Tom gives him a genuine response, agreeing to his wishes. Ian immediately dives off, losing his chance at the million, but winning back his two best friends. Tom votes Ian off, not his competitor Ian, not his tribemate Ian, but “my buddy Ian.” That’s all you need to hear to show that everything’s gone back to normal. Ian is the final person voted out of the game, thus ending the story of one of my favorite characters the show has ever seen.
Ian’s in a pretty close race for my favorite character of all time, there’s a lot of contenders. Fairplay, Twila, Fabio, Chris D, Sandra, all very close together alongside Ian. However, if there was one character I could choose to take their story away from the show, it would be Ian’s. I would want to be like Ian, and I think his story is inspirational to people who might not have confidence, might not be sure of themselves or what they want. Ian’s values are what I aspire to have, and I couldn’t be more thankful that I connected so much with his story. If this is the final writeup I have on this show, I’m more than happy with that. Thank you all for supporting me throughout the rankdown, thank you to the rankers for being a great group of people, thank you Survivor, and most importantly, thank you Ian.
SMC0629: 1
DryBonesKing: 6
Zanthosus: 1
Tommyroxs45: 3
Regnisyak1: 2
DavidW1208: 15
ninjedi1: 19
Average Placement: 6.714
Total Points: 47
Standard Deviation: 7.319 (7th Highest)

I love reading these so wanted to contribute my own! I did not do super accurate tracking and I'm definitely missing all the misc costs (plus all the things I purchased and missed the return period on), but this should be the main costs. I wanted to stay between $25k - $30k and was pretty successful! First, a few detail shots and a summary of some of the things that went wrong with the day lol: Pictures!
The reason there are so few detail shots is because of RAIN and also a bit of poor planning/lateness. :( I had been looking at the forecast starting 10 days out, and there was no rain in the forecast - even when I looked at the forecast the morning of!! But of course, isn't it ~ironic~ (I know, it is not irony, but the song fits very well here) that it would start raining just 1 hour before the ceremony. Luckily we were able to get all our bridal/party/family pics done before it started raining, but we had to quickly pivot from our planned outdoor ceremony to a ceremony in the reception space. This, combined with the transportation of all our decorations being a bit late, meant that we were scrambling a bit right before the ceremony to move/set up everything and having all the guests then occupy the reception space so our photographer couldn't get too many detail shots. Also, we didn't have our photographer for getting ready pics so we couldn't really get pictures of my shoes and jewelry, his watch and accessories, etc since we were already wearing them. Overall not a big deal because honestly I'm not too concerned with photos and am more than satisfied with having photos of the people/event.
We had a total of 90 confirmed guests + 3 vendors, but 5 guests no showed on the day.
Now to costs - Mostly approximate, but comes out to somewhere around $26,000ish?
Venue fee: $4000. This included access to the venue from 1pm - 11pm (with 4 hours being for setup/photos, 5 hours of event time, and 1 hour for cleanup), all staff, tables, chairs, linens, and tableware. The venue is a restaurant that also hosts a lot of weddings which I loved because that meant everything was in-house and the staff are very experienced.
Food: $6,182.70. This included 3 appetizers for cocktail hour and an appetizer, salad, 3 sides, two mains (chicken + salmon), and 2 vegan entrees for the 2 vegans in attendance for dinner. This price includes 20% gratuity. I spent probably around $150 for dessert? I purchased a half sheet cake, 4 vegan cupcakes, and 1 gluten-free pound cake from a local bakery, and I baked a 9-inch round cake for cutting and two 9x13 cakes.
Beverages: $558 for non-alcoholic drinks (coffee, iced tea, lemonade, pink lemonade, and sodas). $2200 for open bar. Both prices include 20% gratuity, although I tipped an extra $100 on the bar tab because I was surprised it was so low lol. This was another benefit of having it in a restaurant because they had a full bar and a menu of signature drinks as well.
Florals: ~$800. I bought the pastels DIY package from Flower Moxie with a few additional a la carte flowers and also bought 100 stems from a local flower farm. This was enough for a bridal bouquet, 5 bridesmaid bouquets, 9 boutonnieres, ad 85 bud vases. Honestly I could have done even more with the flowers since I had soooo many extra flowers at the end, but story time: The flowers from Flower Moxie were supposed to arrive the Wednesday before our Saturday wedding. The plan was flower prep on Wednesday then arranging on Thursday. Well, about half of the flowers arrived on Wednesday as planned, but the other half didn't arrive until Friday at 11am due to shipping issues. Therefore we weren't able to make the bouquets until Friday, where we didn't have much time because our rehearsal was 12-1 (11:30 - 1:30 due to travel time) and our rehearsal dinner was at 7 (had to leave at 6:30 at the latest, plus needing time to get ready). This + flower arranging with sad stems since they only had ~1.5 hours to hydrate meant that we didn't have time to do anything but the absolutely necessary items. We could have made bigger bouquets, corsages, added more to the bud vases, etc. Our florals still turned out beautiful but I'm just bummed we wasted so many beautiful flowers :( (especially because we left on our honeymoon on the Wednesday following the wedding, so we composted all the extras). Even though this added extra work before the wedding, I'm glad we cut costs here.
Other decor: ~$250 for 85 bud vases, ~$200 for faux floral ground arch, $80 for votives, $200 for big mirror welcome sign.
Photographer: $2,350 for 7 hours and engagement session
DJ: $1,300 for 5 hours
Day of Coordinator: $800
Stationary: Approx. $150 for a printer, $50 paper + extra ink, $10 for invite template from Etsy, $30 for an address stamp, and $80 for postage. With this I was able to print 50 save the dates, 50 invitations, 100 programs, guest book sign, favors sign, and seating chart. I'm super glad I went the DIY route - I love how everything turned out and I needed a printer any way so it works out. The prints came out very high quality. I designed everything except the invites in Canva.
Favors: $312.50 for 125 customized chopsticks. These were a hit - even though we only had 90 guests, we only ended up with 15 extras that were the ones that I left at home because they didn't fit in the box lol. If I brought all of them, they might all have been taken.
Attire: $1,500 for ceremony dress + alterations, $40 for veil, $620 for reception dress + alterations, $250 for ceremony + reception shoes. $180 for groom's suit + alterations, ~$100 for shirt + tie + belt + socks + shoes.
Photobooth: Also DIYed this using the booth.events app. I already had an iPad, so I bought a ring light, backdrop, and Canon Selphy printer for prints. Booth.events lets you design your template. The printer prints 4x6 photos so I had a paper cutter out that let guests cut it into two photo strips. All in all probably ~$280 for everything, not including the things I already had. The photobooth was a big hit with the guests - it was used over 50 times, and all the pictures were saved on my iPad + on an online gallery for the guests. And now I have a photobooth set up I can whip out at other events!!
Guest book: Bought a cute vintage guest book off Etsy for $20 and I already had 2 instax cameras. Spent $40 for extra film which wasn't all used. I highly recommend doing a photo guest book, I got teary looking through all the pictures of the guests along with their sweet messages. I wish all the guests signed, some missed it.
Other costs: ~$900 for two nights in a bridal suite, $600 for wedding party attire, $500 for wedding party gifts, $140 for transportation.
I know I'm missing a lot but I think this is most of it. Overall everything turned out wonderfully even with the rain! I personally found the DIY stuff worth it and I enjoyed doing those things. I have more to say but at this point I've become a bit ramble-y so I'll just stop here! :p

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
We pulled off I-51 a little after midnight, stopping at a truck stop which was couched between the highway and a large forest.
We waited in the van for ten minutes or so. Trent had increased the sonar radius to its maximum of 30 miles a little over an hour ago. Somehow the red pings had kept up with us, holding a steady distance of around 20 miles. Considering we were averaging around 80 mph, and a coyote's top speed is only around 40 mph, we figured they had been enhanced in some way. Either that, or they shape-shifted into something faster. Regardless, now that we had stopped, we waited to see if the demon spawn would try and close the distance. Luckily, or unluckily, they didn't. They kept their 20 mile buffer, but we noticed they were beginning to spread out along the circumference of that boundary.
"We're close. They know that, so they're trying to trap us in." Trent said.
"Trying to?—more like they have."
We considered whether we should stay in the van and keep watch, but we figured that would do us little good. At their speed, they could be on us in ten minutes, which means we would need to stay up all night and keep tabs on their positions. Trent offered to stay up, of course, but I shut him down.
"The demon doesn't want to kill us now. You said it yourself. Plus, we need our rest. If they come, they come."
Trent didn't like it, but he acquiesced.
The truck stop had all the essentials: a gas station and mini mart with showers and an attached McDonald's, a large parking lot for truckers to idle and sleep, and even a section with lodging for those who wanted a more comfortable night's rest. I told Trent that he should take advantage of the showers, and after a little convincing, he agreed. While he was cleaning himself up, I patrolled the dingy, half-stocked aisles of "Daisy's Quick Mart". I probably would have been appalled at the quality of the store had I actually been paying any attention to it whatsoever. But I wasn't. I was thinking hard about what awaited me tomorrow.
During the drive, I had asked Trent why the demon would want us to return to the crash site. What did he mean that I would be 'confronting a dark entity in a place he couldn't help me'? He seemed hesitant to answer, but my little stunt outside the storage facility seemed to have sufficiently motivated him.
"When I said I've never done this before, I meant it." Trent started. "I've never done this exact thing before—meaning I've never projected someone into the past."
"So, I'm time traveling?" I asked.
"No—don't think of it like that." Trent paused, trying to come up with a good explanation. "It's more like I'm opening a window for you to look through: not a door. You're going to see the past, but you can't interact with the physicalities there. But that doesn't mean you can't interact with anything."
There was a space of silence as Trent tried to let me work out his meaning for myself. "I don't get it. Are you saying there's something I can interact with? Like what?" And then it hit me. "The demon. The demon can interact with me? Meaning what? It can kill me?"
"Meaning… I'm not exactly sure. You're going to be in a kind of psychic space. If it does damage, it won't be to your body. It'll be to your mind—or spirit. But I don't know what the limits of that damage could be. I just don't have those answers."
"If you've never done this, how do you know any of it will work?"
"That's an easy one." Trent answered. "Because it's been done to me."
There was silence.
"Look, if I know anything, I know my tech. Don't doubt that this will work. It's my job to make sure it does. I just need you to be in the right mental for this. Just because it knows your coming doesn't mean it automatically has the upper hand. It won't be able to see you unless you make contact with it first. In other words, you have to initiate contact. As long as you remain a spectator, you should be okay. Trust me. Just don't make contact."
I started pacing faster—fast enough to catch the attention of the overnight shift worker, a young man whose name I can't quite remember. I know it started with a "J". Jake, maybe? Anyway, he asked if I was alright, to which I responded in the affirmative. He left me alone for another couple passes, but when I almost ran into one of the shelves, he stood up and said, "Uh—I'm going to have to ask you to stop running around. I don't want you to hurt yourself."
I must have stared daggers at him, because he recoiled from my gaze. What's gotten into me? I thought. Then, steadying myself, I apologized. I looked around and grabbed the nearest edible looking piece of merchandise: a bag of Swedish Fish, and placed it down on the counter. "Just this, please."
The cashier rang me up. It was surprisingly cheap.
"Are you sure you're alright?" the young man asked. He was tall with brown hair. He seemed tired—maybe even more tired than me. But he also seemed kind.
I smiled as best I could and said, "No, I'm not. But there's not really anything you can do. Hell, there might not be anything I can do." I furrowed my eyebrows at my own response, realizing that imminent death may have broken my verbal filter.
On the other hand, the cashier did not seem surprised at all. "Ah, I see. It's one of those problems." He responded. "Well, hey, for what it's worth, you seem like one of the resilient ones. I think you'll be alright."
I only smiled and nodded at his mildly cryptic comment. Looking back, the whole interaction was a bit strange, but I had way too much mental clutter to recognize that in the moment. I took my Swedish Fish and walked through the anteroom which led to McDonald's. I found an open yellow booth that wasn't littered with crumpled straw sleeves and sat down, chomping mindlessly on my little red fish until Trent returned. When he arrived, he took my place, and I went to shower. After we were both clean and fed, we returned to the van. The pings were still pushed safely out of harm's way. But that didn't mean we were out of harm's way. Trent asked me if I wanted to sleep in the van, saying that "it'd be the safest place."
I thought it over. He was right, obviously. The van was not only outfitted with weapons I couldn't even begin to understand, but it was also our escape, and it would be just as difficult, if not more difficult to break into than the studio-style motel rooms with their wood doors and big windows. Still, if this was going to be my last night on earth, I wanted to sleep in a bed. A real bed. Trent understood and said he'd stay parked right outside my room for the night.
After purchasing a key from the night attendant, I moseyed over to the cement walkways which connected the twenty or so rooms. Mine was room #56, which I thought was odd since, like I said, there were only 20 rooms. I lugged in my tomato plushie and dad's old book and placed them on the queen mattress.
"I'll be right outside." Trent said after I collapsed onto the bed.
"Trent," I called out, stopping him half-way through the door.
"Yeah?"
All the blood in my body rushed up to my face as I realized my unfiltered mouth almost reflexively said the word "stay". I stared at Trent, my heart beating, my face hot. I considered asking him to sleep on the floor like my dad, but that would be childish and impolite. The alternative was to share my bed… Or I could take the floor.
"I'll just be right outside." Trent said before my mind processed a solution. "Come by if you need anything. I'll be up most of the night anyway."
"Okay," I replied in a faint voice.
Trent shut the door.
I sat atop the bedsheets and acquainted myself with my new living space. A feeling of regret closed over me as I considered that even sleeping on a carseat would have been better if it meant I didn't have to be alone. With a sigh, I turned on the bedside lamp and grabbed the book and stuffed tomato, using the tomato as a backrest as I slipped my legs under the covers and situated the book upright on my thighs. I cracked it open and was immediately blasted with a puff of dusty, old book scent. It was ripe at first, and I turned my head away to sneeze, but as I perused through the pages, the scent grew on me. It reminded me of the days growing up when I'd step into dad's study and read through one of the many volumes on cryptic topics which were at least two college degrees above my Lexile range.
I was only a couple minutes into browsing the collection of different scientific and philosophical works when I came across a page which contained highlighted text. This was unusual, as my dad would never mark up his books. He was a purist on that point. I rubbed my thumb over the yellow lines, and sure enough, it was highlighter.
The highlighted text was part of a small book by Carl Jung called "Synchronicity". There were a total of three pages that were marked, and they advanced like this:
Page 5:
The philosophical principle that underlies our conception of natural law is causality*. But if the connection between cause and effect turns out to be only statistically valid and relatively true, then the causal principle is only of relative use for explaining natural processes… That is as much to say that the connection of events may in certain circumstances be other than causal, and require another principle of explanation.*
Page 19:
…there are events which are related to one another experimentally, and in this case meaningfully*, without there being any possibility of proving that this relation is a causal one, since the "transmission" exhibits none of the known properties of energy…a situation which does not yet exist and will only occur in the future could transmit itself as a phenomenon of energy to a receiver in the present…Therefore, it cannot be a question of cause and effect, but of a falling together in time, a kind of simultaneity... "synchronicity"*
Page 22:
A young woman I was treating had, at a critical moment, a dream in which she was given a golden scarab. While she was telling me this dream I sat with my back to the closed window. Suddenly I heard a noise behind me, like a gentle tapping. I turned round and saw a flying insect knocking against the window pane from outside. I opened the window and caught the creature in the air as it flew in. It was the nearest analogy to a golden scarab that one finds in our latitudes, a scarabaeid beetle, the common rose-chafer… which contrary to its usual habits had evidently felt an urge to get into a dark room at this particular moment.
I flipped through the rest of the pages of the book. There was no more highlighted text, but there was a message on the last page which read:
Matthew 7:7-8
I'll meet you in the darkest place.
He also included his typical smiley face which had an ovular shape and three sprouts of hair which I now realized kind of resembled my tomato plushie. It was my dad's writing, of course. But why? And how? What did this mean?
The motel had a Bible stashed away in the nighstand drawer. I got it out and looked up the verses which read the following:
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: for every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
I spent maybe an hour ruminating on all of this. The whole discourse on energy and causality and a "falling together in time" just seemed so right. It was clear that my dad definitely did know what I was going through, but for whatever reason, he made it seem like he was oblivious. Why had he hidden that from me? I felt like I was being pulled in two directions. On the one hand, my dad loved me enough to leave this note, maybe even knowing the exact moment I'd need it. But on the other hand, he had neglected my struggles throughout my entire childhood. He even lied at times. Was this really enough to make up for all of that?
And then there was the section about the future transmitting energy to the past. I read back through the whole paragraph and the original writer had meant it to say this as something that wasn't possible, but my dad's highlighting made it seem like he wanted to flip the meaning. The future does affect the past. I thought about where I was headed and wondered if I would soon discover that for myself.
Lastly, dad's message. The Bible verse reminded me of the first time I prayed; how I reached out to God and received peace as an answer to my prayer. Now I feel like I'm actively seeking… something, but I don't know yet what I'll find. And then there's knocking. At first that reminded me of the story with the beetle tapping on the window, but then I went back even deeper in my memory and dug out the monster tapping at my window, and the words my dad spoke to me in order to set my mind at ease: "you're a superhero. And you know what your greatest superpower is? Your greatest power is you get to tell the monsters what to do. Because the monsters are only as strong as the stories you tell about them…so if you're ever scared, honey, just dream up a better story."
I was crying into my stuffed tomato now. I felt like all the blinking pieces of my life had finally been pulled together into a completed puzzle. This was all by design. My entire life, filled with so much chaos and confusion, was actually preparing me for this moment. And my dad thought I had the tools and strength enough to get through it. I flipped through the book one more time, thinking maybe he had left some other hidden comment—some formula to defeat this demon and return home. But there was nothing. Only that one comment: "I'll meet you in the darkest place."
What's the darkest place, dad? Is that where I'm going? Are you saying you'll be there, too?
With those thoughts in mind, my eyes became heavy shutters which, with a slight pressure on the pulley, winded shut. My swimming thoughts and firework-like fears dissipated, and I returned to a precious childhood memory. It was after an evening soccer practice. Summer. Dad was driving me to Dairy Queen. I got a cherry-dipped twist cone. I was happy.
So, so happy.
***
I woke up to sunlight blaring through my windows. Shit, I overslept, was my immediate thought. I threw off my covers and opened the front door. A glance at the clock showed 1:13 PM. I shouldn't have even been allowed to stay checked in this long. Damn, am I gonna get double-billed for this?
I heard a rummaging sound around the corner of my motel room. It sounded like a squirrel was trying to find an afternoon snack in one of the garbage bins. I stepped outside. The sun was extremely bright, to the point where I had to squint and put my hand over my eyes to even see the ground in front of me. I was trying to walk toward the van, but somehow I ended up in front of the trash bins where the animal's tail was sticking out from a turned-over, silver garbage can. Its tail was wagging excitedly, and I remember thinking that it was much too large to be a squirrel.
The animal bent down as if biting onto something, and I heard the sound of its growl as it struggled to tug whatever it was free from the barrel. Inch by inch, the creature backed out of the canister, and more of its sharp, sticky hair was revealed. I heard something snap, then the creature leapt back and I saw what it was chomping on. My eyes widened in horror as the pink tube of a human intestine was pulled taut like the end of a tangled hose. Blood and entrails were spilling out of the human's opened gut. And then, behind the canine, I saw the person's face. His face was pale white, his eyes closed, and his hair was slicked back… It was Trent.
Before I could react, I heard footsteps approaching from behind. I whirled around and saw my dad. But—no, it wasn't him. It was someone wearing a paper-mache face mask that was painted to look like my dad. The forehead of the mask was already beginning to crack, white specks breaking off like sawdust. Through the cracks, I could see the figure's true form. I didn't know darkness had its own type of light, but that's the only way to describe it. It was as if malevolence itself was reified into a skin which was actually an amalgamation of millions of little, oozing parasites that leached into the nearby light. When it finally spoke, the demon's voice was a full octave lower than the old man's at the deli. And it had an earth-stilling gravitas.
"Today's the day!" He sang and reached into his pocket. His lips curled upward into a foxy smirk. "You have no idea how long I've waited for this day." He said and held up a razor blade. Half his facade had already fallen apart, and now I could see the bugs up close, writhing in what was either horror or ecstasy. And his scent… it was somehow more rank than the rabid coyote rummaging through the trash can with Trent's cut open body inside. The demon closed in on my position, and in one, decisive motion, he brought the blade close to his chin, then sliced it across my throat. "Wake up!" He screamed.
I jumped out of my bed and grabbed my throat, feeling the cold sting of its quick slice. Hyperventilating, I patted the area down, trying to hold the blood in, but when I removed my hands, I saw they were dry. It was only a dream, I thought. Gray light was only beginning to filter in through the drapes. I'm in my hotel room. I'm safe. I tried consoling, but the pragmatic mental massages weren't enough to hold the force of my knees buckling. I dropped onto the carpet and cried for a long while.
Outside, rain was beginning to fall.
***
By the time I met up with Trent, I had already composed myself and decided to keep my dad's message and the nightmare to myself. None of it seemed particularly productive from a logistical standpoint, anyway. And I wanted to focus on the mission.
We stopped by McDonald's and bought a couple cups of coffee. Trent asked if I wanted any food, and I declined. Black coffee seemed like the only thing my stomach could take at the present moment. I could tell Trent was hungry, but he tried playing it off (I guess to be respectful of me?) I told him to knock it off and get something to eat. I didn't need my Charon getting lightheaded and dropping the paddle before he finished rowing me to Hell. He didn't care much for my joke, but he ordered a couple Chicken McGriddles at the kiosk anyway.
There were maybe ten patrons spread throughout the restaurant. We sat down at the same booth from the prior night, this time across from one another. Trent spent the first ten minutes or so babbling about our fuel supply and the logistics of the trip from here on in. Practical stuff. I've come to realize that's how he deals with his stress. He talks it out in short, durable sentences. I mostly nodded and watched as what looked like a storm front closed in on the truck stop. The sky was overcast, and there were darker clouds in the distance. The rain was still only a patter, but a middle-aged man wearing a yellow bow tie on the wall-mounted TV confirmed that there would be heavier rain and thunderstorms very soon.
After the worker delivered Trent's food and he ate it in record time, I posed the one question that was still on my mind.
"How do I fight him?" I asked.
Trent finished a large gulp of his coffee, then looked at me. It was the first substantial thing I'd said all morning; Trent could tell something was off with me, but he figured there was no point in asking what it was. "By 'him', I assume you mean the demon?"
I nodded.
Trent licked his teeth clean. "You could try praying again."
"I'm serious," I responded.
"I'm serious, too. It worked before, didn't it?"
"You mean at my house?"
Trent nodded.
"I thought you weren't a religious man?"
"I'm not. Just a practical one. If praying worked before, maybe it'll work again."
"That's the best you've got? A maybe?"
"No, I've got a lot of shit better than a maybe." He answered. "It's just not accessible where you're going. Which is why I recommend not making contact on the first run."
"First run? So we're going to do this more than once?"
"At least," Trent answered. Then, seeing my expression, he continued. "What? You thought this was going to be a one-and-done? We have to conduct some research first. I did tell you this was new for me, right?"
Somehow Trent's response had set my mind at ease a little. I was going to have more than one chance. Of course, why wouldn't I be able to go back more than once?
"Why didn't you tell me this earlier? It would have gone a long way in easing my mind."
Trent lifted his hands in defense. "Sorry, I just thought that was a given. I mean, what we're doing is dangerous, just like I said, but it doesn't mean we aren't going to approach this as safely and scientifically as possible. However, there is a different problem with running multiple trials."
"The Organization?"
"That's right," Trent said like a proud parent. "Our little experiment will be like a giant spotlight, and the longer we wait around after it's on us, the greater the chance we'll have unwelcome company."
"So, safe but speedy."
"Safe but speedy. Exactly."
***
We fueled up and were back on the road a little after 8:00. From that point on, Trent and I were absolutely silent. I had the distinct feeling of being in the eye of a storm. The pings moved closer commensurate with our progress toward the crash site. The cloudfront continued its advance. And I noticed a haze beginning to descend onto the road ahead of us. It was fog.
We meandered further inland, the forest thickening around us until the rain almost stopped entirely—the leaves drinking it up before it fell onto our windshield. I kept my eyes on the radar. We were approaching the large yellow circle which indicated we had arrived. As we pulled closer, I began to feel things. Fear. Eeriness. Doubt. Then happiness. Hope. Love. Normally feelings like these had a clear source to picture, but these sensations came on in waves without any discernible reason. It was almost as if they were blinking into existence inside me.
"Here we go," Trent said like an airline pilot readying his crew for turbulence.
I still recall the exact moment we crossed the boundary into the area of higher energy. It was like something just "clicked" in my brain, and all of a sudden everything felt so much closer. The sound of the rain against the trees was almost right next to my ear. The trees in the distance would oscillate between their position a half-mile out, then suddenly seem five meters away. If I focused on something long enough, it began to radiate those same ethereal particles as when Trent released Ava's "phase lock". I checked to make sure the shifter wasn't set to "TD". Sure enough, it was still in drive.
"Can you see them?" Trent asked. "The shifts?"
"Yeah," I said in a dreamy voice. I felt like I was driving through a wonderland.
"It's the energy. I barely notice a difference. A bit of movement in the trees, but not much else. But I'm sure for you, it's a whole experience."
"What is this?" I raised my hand and caught some of the pixel dust dripping off the sun visor. It disappeared when it made contact with my hand.
"It's a kind of radiation. Everything emits it, just in different quantities. I'm still not exactly sure how it relates to the other realms, but I'm guessing it's a kind of primordial matter that helps connect our worlds."
"It's beautiful," I exclaimed. "I wish I could see the world like this all the time."
"Maybe you will," Trent whispered.
As we arrived at the crash site, I began to get glimpses of the past. My childhood dreams and memories were pushing their way out from my subconscious. I noticed an increased number of blinks, which were validated by Ava who reported the following: "Currently detecting 14,350 novel emergences and 2,777 controlled agents. Net anomalies: 2,777."
"That's a lot of blinks." I remarked. "Why doesn't Ava include them in the net anomalies?"
Trent turned his head so I could see his smirk. "Because blinks aren't anomalies."
I thought about it for a second. Blinks aren't anomalies. "I never thought about it that way."
"It's hard to think about it that way when 'normal' for most people means not picking up on a fundamental aspect of reality. But that doesn't make it any less real."
We continued past the epicenter of the yellow circle. "Are we not stopping?" I asked. "I think we already passed the crash site."
"It doesn't have to be exactly at the site," Trent said. "Plus, we don't want to stop on the side of the road and risk getting some civilian involved. There's a field about half a mile up ahead. I'm going to pull off the road and set up camp there.
The "field" that Trent was referring to was actually a large clearing that dipped down into several trench-like troughs which were filled to the brim with fog like witches cauldrons. Further on in the distance, I saw open fields, probably used for farming, and then a large hill where the trees once again reasserted themselves. We had pulled off the road and up a small incline where the trees had already been broken down, leaving a trail for us to drive through. When we surfaced at the edge of the clearing, Trent pulled us onto a flat bed of dried mud which was maybe thirty yards long.
"Here," he said with a sigh.
We both sat for a minute, looking around at the field. We had finally arrived. The rain was beginning to pick up, and the dark sky made it almost impossible to discern the time of day.
"You ready?" Trent asked.
I looked at him. Really looked at him. In his blue eyes. Was I ready? Did it even matter?
"Let's do this," I said.
***
This was the first time I was really able to inspect the back of Trent's van. He had talked up his gear a lot, and honestly, I was impressed. Not in the way that a scientist is impressed by another scientist's lab—I wasn't any kind of expert—but it still seemed remarkably well managed. Now that I was in a state where my vision had been enhanced, I could actually see the enigmatic particles circulating through the pneumatic tubes which were coiled like the pipes and valves of an elaborate wind instrument. The walls of the van, itself, were glistening white, making it easier to make out everything else inside. Along the floor were five overturned columns. Each column was dark and had a vibrating quality, as if they were charged with energy. Then atop the center three columns was a small altar which supported an apparatus with two skinny, metal arms holding a silver halo. At present, the arms were folded and the halo was suspended a few inches above the altar, faced-down. I thought maybe I'd see particles exuding from it, but instead it was emitting visible waves which bent and warped everything they touched.
"That thing is emitting a lot of energy." I remarked, gesturing toward the halo.
Trent stepped in between the columns and started pulling out the packages he had stuffed in there yesterday. "Just wait till' it's on."
Most of the packages contained only a single piece of equipment, and were otherwise packed with foam peanuts. We carefully removed each box and set them on the ground outside. I asked if the rain would damage any of the stuff inside, to which Trent only laughed and continued lugging out the boxes. When they were all out, Trent removed a box cutter from his pocket and went one-by-one opening them. There were eight pieces in total.
"What is it?" I asked as we fished the first item out.
"It's another apparatus, like the one inside. Except it'll mount on the ground out here."
I pulled out what looked like a metal tripod.
"Good, that'll go on the bottom."
"Where are we setting it up?"
"Over here," Trent said and stepped five paces away from the van. He coordinated himself up so he was centrally aligned with the inner ring, then stomped a few times. "This is the spot."
As we continued to work, I asked Trent about how the whole contraption works.
"Do you remember the first time we were in the van? When we had to escape from the semi-truck?" Trent asked and connected a secondary mounting apparatus on top of the tripod. It had four spider-like legs that made right angles and stuck into the ground.
"Of course," I said. "The 'phase lock'."
"Yeah," Trent said and gestured toward the metal stick that was in my hand. I handed it to him. "The phase lock is a seal on the level of energy that the van is allowed to release. It also controls its dispersion pattern so that it releases its energy in a steady wave. This allows Ava to scan for anomalies without causing us to become an anomaly." Trent stuck the plank into the neck of the tripod.
"So when you released the phase lock, we started emitting more energy."
"That's right." Trent confirmed. "Enough to create an alternate route through a different realm."
"So we blinked into a different realm, then back, just to avoid that truck?"
"That's right."
"But why couldn't we just move out of the way?"
"Because it had locked onto us. It was tracking our motion and adjusting its course based on the amount of energy we were emitting. So in order to escape, we had to radically skew our potential energy and then use it to shift."
"Couldn't he have just followed us?"
Trent connected four more pieces to the device which now looked like an elaborate teepee. He was fishing in the last box when he spoke again. "Yeah, he could have. But it was highly improbable that he would have found us." Trent returned from the bottom of the box with another silver ring in hand. "Think of it like this. Let's say you're trying to escape from some bad guy who's coming after you, and you enter a new room you've never seen before. Would you prefer this room to have three doors to go through, or ten?"
I thought about his riddle for a second, then responded, "It depends where they go."
Trent fastened the ring atop the teepee. "Let's say they all lead to random places, or let's say they're all closets that lead nowhere. The key is that more is better, because the more doors he has to check, the less likely he is to pick the correct one. Make sense?"
"So we opened up a bunch of doors and escaped through one at random?"
"Hence the gear 'TD', for 'Trap Door'."
I marveled at the insights, but not for long. Trent hopped back in the van and pulled a lever that I hadn't seen until now. The two metal arms raised the inner ring until it was perpendicular with the altar. Then Trent clicked one of three red buttons along the back wall, and I saw what looked like a large, glass eye suspended in a magnifying glass protruding from the wall, aligned with the center of both rings. A couple seconds later, the glass eye began to focus the energy which was being fed to it from the pneumatic tubes, and a blue pyramid of light projected from it into the first ring, then from the first ring into the second ring. All three pieces were aligned at slightly diminishing heights, so the cylinder of light beamed through the second ring, into the ground.
"Alright, time for the first trial."
I felt the nerves starting up in my stomach. Trent sensed this and hopped out of the truck. It was raining quite hard now, though it was still warm. Both Trent and I were soaked, but that hardly concerned us. He reached out and put his hand on my shoulder. "I know you're feeling scared." He said. "But trust me on this. You're going to do fine. Just keep in mind what we talked about. Stay a spectator. Okay?"
I looked into his blue eyes, which seemed especially gray in the dark. Still, Trent's voice was reassuring. All I had to do was trust him. Trust myself. Trust my dad. And it was all going to turn out right.
"I'm ready," I said.
Trent was still for a second, holding my eyes in his. Then he guided me behind the outer ring and into the cylinder of light.
"I should step into it now?" I asked, afraid I'd be called away immediately.
"It's not on yet, so don't worry. I still have to press another button."
I followed Trent's instructions and stood in the blue light which was centered on my chest. Then I watched as Trent ran into the back of the van and posted up next to the glass eye. "Ready?" He yelled out. It was hard to hear him over the rain, but I yelled back. "Ready!"
The next thing I saw was a blinding blue light beam from the van. I heard what sounded like a laser, then saw the cylinder oscillate, expanding and compressing. When the energy reached the second ring, I saw everything around me light up—it looked brighter than noon on a cloudless day. Then the oscillations made their way to me, and I was swallowed up whole.
***
When I came to, I was in the backseat of a car. I felt my butt rumbling. Everything was dim and quiet. And then I heard a woman's voice from in front of me.
"Mark, please, not with Lauren in the back."
The man, who I now identified as my father, pulled the cigarette away from his lips and blew the smoke at my mom. He eyed the back seat where I was sitting, using one of five markers that hadn't rolled off my lap to color a rabbit in my animal color book.
"The kid's fine." he said and took another drag.
"Mark," my mom repeated.
I saw my dad raise his hand in a rapid motion. "I said she's fine, Cheryl. Now check the map and make sure we're going the right away. I can't see shit with all this fog."
I took a moment to make sure I was really in the back seat. I patted myself. I clearly had weight. Then I tried touching the car. At first, my fingertips met a solid surface, but when I tried to press through, my hand slipped into the car. I quickly pulled my hand away as if I had reached into a fire.
That's when I heard the little three year old next to me start crying. I turned and saw that little-me had dropped another couple markers onto the ground and was struggling to reach them.
"Hey!" my dad shouted. "What did I say about crying?"
"Quit it, Mark. She just dropped her markers." said my mom; she turned to help me pick them up.
"What did you say to me?" Mark spat with a voice full of guile. He reached out and pushed her back into her seat. "Don't," he commanded. "She has to learn how to deal with life."
"Deal…" My mom started in disbelief. "Deal with life? Do you hear yourself? What's gotten into you?"
"Sometimes shit happens. It doesn't give her the right to cry. You helping her is just going to reinforce her behavior."
"Her behavior? What about your behavior? You're acting like a total dick."
I didn't even have a moment to react before my dad's hand was across my mom's face. I felt the slap more than I heard it, my own face seeming to swell with the force of the blow. I saw my mom cover her mouth and lean away. Then little-me began to cry even louder, which only challenged my dad to step up his own volume.
"Everyone needs to get a fucking grip before I crash this car." My dad shouted and took another drag. The scariest part was I couldn't tell if he was warning us or threatening us. I felt the sudden urge to do something. There was no way this was real. I was definitely in some fantasy concocted by the demon. He wanted to turn me against my dad. That was the only explanation for something like this. My dad was a good man, not… this.
As I contemplated what to do, I saw a small, golden light appear behind little-me's window. Apparently she saw it, too, because her cries hushed as she traced the wisp with her eyes. After a second, the wisp transformed into a bunny rabbit, reminiscent of the one she was coloring. The rabbit hopped alongside the window, then did a couple circles in place. I watched little me let out a playful laugh and reach toward the window.
"What's going on back there?" my dad asked with a scowl. Apparently the only sound more disturbing than cries were laughs.
I looked back to the front and saw my mom wiping blood from her lip. Her expression was miserable. "Leave her alone, Mark."
"I'll do whatever I damn well want to do, Cheryl. It's my kid back there."
My mom was quiet.
When I looked back toward the rabbit, it was no longer a rabbit but a person. Or at least it looked like a person. The figure radiated pure gold, and atop his head was what appeared to be a King's crown. I recalled Allison's experience of seeing the sun-like figure in her moment of distress. Was that what was happening here? Was this really all true?
"Hey!" My dad shouted, eyeing little-me from the rear-view mirror. "What are you reaching at?"
I looked and saw the golden figure extending his hand toward the window, and little me's hand was reaching back. "Mom, dad, it bright." little-me said.
"What's bright, honey?" my mom asked.
"Don't encourage her, Cheryl."
"Someone there!" little me shouted happily and dropped the rest of the markers and the coloring book onto the ground.
"Who's there?" asked my mom.
"Cheryl, I swear to God. Sit the fuck down."
Everything from that moment on happened so quickly I barely had any time to process it. My mom lifted out of her seat to either get little me's attention or help me pick up my coloring book. My dad responded by grabbing onto her throat, letting go of the steering wheel entirely. He threw her back against the car door, and her head hit the window so hard, the glass cracked. My dad had dropped his cigarette, and I could smell smoke coming from under his seat, but that didn't seem to bother him at all. He turned toward little-me at the same moment my three-year-old hand reached out and grabbed onto the golden figure, whose hand diffused through the window. When my dad turned, I got a whiff of the most awful smell that I wouldn't have been able to place had I not had that nightmare last night. He grabbed onto little-me's shoulder and tugged her away from the golden figure that was trying to pull her the other way. My dad's facade began to crack, and I could see those dark bugs crawling out from the pores in his arms, marching down toward little-me.
I reacted.
I grabbed onto my dad's arm and pulled him off little-me. I heard the sound of my shirt ripping as she was torn from his grip and pulled out of the car, diffusing through it like a ghost. My brief victory was immediately overturned as I saw what was now clearly the demon smiling at me, his wretched fingers curled around my forearm.
"Caught you," He sneered.
Then the whole world once again diffused into countless numbers of particles, only this time, instead of riding through it, I felt like I was falling through an elevator shaft with each floor darker than the last. The further I fell, the less I became aware of my surroundings, and the more I felt a deep sense of loneliness. It was as if I was the only person in the whole world: and the whole world was a prison designed entirely for me. This went on for so long, I began to forget who I was. Where I was. What was.
And then I landed.
***
Source Used:
Jung, Carl. Synchronicity. Translated by Sonu Shamdasani, Princeton University Press, 2010.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Content Warning: Domestic Abuse
***
We pulled off I-51 a little after midnight, stopping at a truck stop which was couched between the highway and a large forest.
We waited in the van for ten minutes or so. Trent had increased the sonar radius to its maximum of 30 miles a little over an hour ago. Somehow the red pings had kept up with us, holding a steady distance of around 20 miles. Considering we were averaging around 80 mph, and a coyote's top speed is only around 40 mph, we figured they had been enhanced in some way. Either that, or they shape-shifted into something faster. Regardless, now that we had stopped, we waited to see if the demon spawn would try and close the distance. Luckily, or unluckily, they didn't. They kept their 20 mile buffer, but we noticed they were beginning to spread out along the circumference of that boundary.
"We're close. They know that, so they're trying to trap us in." Trent said.
"Trying to?—more like they have."
We considered whether we should stay in the van and keep watch, but we figured that would do us little good. At their speed, they could be on us in ten minutes, which means we would need to stay up all night and keep tabs on their positions. Trent offered to stay up, of course, but I shut him down.
"The demon doesn't want to kill us now. You said it yourself. Plus, we need our rest. If they come, they come."
Trent didn't like it, but he acquiesced.
The truck stop had all the essentials: a gas station and mini mart with showers and an attached McDonald's, a large parking lot for truckers to idle and sleep, and even a section with lodging for those who wanted a more comfortable night's rest. I told Trent that he should take advantage of the showers, and after a little convincing, he agreed. While he was cleaning himself up, I patrolled the dingy, half-stocked aisles of "Daisy's Quick Mart". I probably would have been appalled at the quality of the store had I actually been paying any attention to it whatsoever. But I wasn't. I was thinking hard about what awaited me tomorrow.
During the drive, I had asked Trent why the demon would want us to return to the crash site. What did he mean that I would be 'confronting a dark entity in a place he couldn't help me'? He seemed hesitant to answer, but my little stunt outside the storage facility seemed to have sufficiently motivated him.
"When I said I've never done this before, I meant it." Trent started. "I've never done this exact thing before—meaning I've never projected someone into the past."
"So, I'm time traveling?" I asked.
"No—don't think of it like that." Trent paused, trying to come up with a good explanation. "It's more like I'm opening a window for you to look through: not a door. You're going to see the past, but you can't interact with the physicalities there. But that doesn't mean you can't interact with anything."
There was a space of silence as Trent tried to let me work out his meaning for myself. "I don't get it. Are you saying there's something I can interact with? Like what?" And then it hit me. "The demon. The demon can interact with me? Meaning what? It can kill me?"
"Meaning… I'm not exactly sure. You're going to be in a kind of psychic space. If it does damage, it won't be to your body. It'll be to your mind—or spirit. But I don't know what the limits of that damage could be. I just don't have those answers."
"If you've never done this, how do you know any of it will work?"
"That's an easy one." Trent answered. "Because it's been done to me."
There was silence.
"Look, if I know anything, I know my tech. Don't doubt that this will work. It's my job to make sure it does. I just need you to be in the right mental for this. Just because it knows your coming doesn't mean it automatically has the upper hand. It won't be able to see you unless you make contact with it first. In other words, you have to initiate contact. As long as you remain a spectator, you should be okay. Trust me. Just don't make contact."
I started pacing faster—fast enough to catch the attention of the overnight shift worker, a young man whose name I can't quite remember. I know it started with a "J". Jake, maybe? Anyway, he asked if I was alright, to which I responded in the affirmative. He left me alone for another couple passes, but when I almost ran into one of the shelves, he stood up and said, "Uh—I'm going to have to ask you to stop running around. I don't want you to hurt yourself."
I must have stared daggers at him, because he recoiled from my gaze. What's gotten into me? I thought. Then, steadying myself, I apologized. I looked around and grabbed the nearest edible looking piece of merchandise: a bag of Swedish Fish, and placed it down on the counter. "Just this, please."
The cashier rang me up. It was surprisingly cheap.
"Are you sure you're alright?" the young man asked. He was tall with brown hair. He seemed tired—maybe even more tired than me. But he also seemed kind.
I smiled as best I could and said, "No, I'm not. But there's not really anything you can do. Hell, there might not be anything I can do." I furrowed my eyebrows at my own response, realizing that imminent death may have broken my verbal filter.
On the other hand, the cashier did not seem surprised at all. "Ah, I see. It's one of those problems." He responded. "Well, hey, for what it's worth, you seem like one of the resilient ones. I think you'll be alright."
I only smiled and nodded at his mildly cryptic comment. Looking back, the whole interaction was a bit strange, but I had way too much mental clutter to recognize that in the moment. I took my Swedish Fish and walked through the anteroom which led to McDonald's. I found an open yellow booth that wasn't littered with crumpled straw sleeves and sat down, chomping mindlessly on my little red fish until Trent returned. When he arrived, he took my place, and I went to shower. After we were both clean and fed, we returned to the van. The pings were still pushed safely out of harm's way. But that didn't mean we were out of harm's way. Trent asked me if I wanted to sleep in the van, saying that "it'd be the safest place."
I thought it over. He was right, obviously. The van was not only outfitted with weapons I couldn't even begin to understand, but it was also our escape, and it would be just as difficult, if not more difficult to break into than the studio-style motel rooms with their wood doors and big windows. Still, if this was going to be my last night on earth, I wanted to sleep in a bed. A real bed. Trent understood and said he'd stay parked right outside my room for the night.
After purchasing a key from the night attendant, I moseyed over to the cement walkways which connected the twenty or so rooms. Mine was room #56, which I thought was odd since, like I said, there were only 20 rooms. I lugged in my tomato plushie and dad's old book and placed them on the queen mattress.
"I'll be right outside." Trent said after I collapsed onto the bed.
"Trent," I called out, stopping him half-way through the door.
"Yeah?"
All the blood in my body rushed up to my face as I realized my unfiltered mouth almost reflexively said the word "stay". I stared at Trent, my heart beating, my face hot. I considered asking him to sleep on the floor like my dad, but that would be childish and impolite. The alternative was to share my bed… Or I could take the floor.
"I'll just be right outside." Trent said before my mind processed a solution. "Come by if you need anything. I'll be up most of the night anyway."
"Okay," I replied in a faint voice.
Trent shut the door.
I sat atop the bedsheets and acquainted myself with my new living space. A feeling of regret closed over me as I considered that even sleeping on a carseat would have been better if it meant I didn't have to be alone. With a sigh, I turned on the bedside lamp and grabbed the book and stuffed tomato, using the tomato as a backrest as I slipped my legs under the covers and situated the book upright on my thighs. I cracked it open and was immediately blasted with a puff of dusty, old book scent. It was ripe at first, and I turned my head away to sneeze, but as I perused through the pages, the scent grew on me. It reminded me of the days growing up when I'd step into dad's study and read through one of the many volumes on cryptic topics which were at least two college degrees above my Lexile range.
I was only a couple minutes into browsing the collection of different scientific and philosophical works when I came across a page which contained highlighted text. This was unusual, as my dad would never mark up his books. He was a purist on that point. I rubbed my thumb over the yellow lines, and sure enough, it was highlighter.
The highlighted text was part of a small book by Carl Jung called "Synchronicity". There were a total of three pages that were marked, and they advanced like this:
Page 5:
The philosophical principle that underlies our conception of natural law is causality*. But if the connection between cause and effect turns out to be only statistically valid and relatively true, then the causal principle is only of relative use for explaining natural processes… That is as much to say that the connection of events may in certain circumstances be other than causal, and require another principle of explanation.*
Page 19:
…there are events which are related to one another experimentally, and in this case meaningfully*, without there being any possibility of proving that this relation is a causal one, since the "transmission" exhibits none of the known properties of energy…a situation which does not yet exist and will only occur in the future could transmit itself as a phenomenon of energy to a receiver in the present…Therefore, it cannot be a question of cause and effect, but of a falling together in time, a kind of simultaneity... "synchronicity"*
Page 22:
A young woman I was treating had, at a critical moment, a dream in which she was given a golden scarab. While she was telling me this dream I sat with my back to the closed window. Suddenly I heard a noise behind me, like a gentle tapping. I turned round and saw a flying insect knocking against the window pane from outside. I opened the window and caught the creature in the air as it flew in. It was the nearest analogy to a golden scarab that one finds in our latitudes, a scarabaeid beetle, the common rose-chafer… which contrary to its usual habits had evidently felt an urge to get into a dark room at this particular moment.
I flipped through the rest of the pages of the book. There was no more highlighted text, but there was a message on the last page which read:
Matthew 7:7-8
I'll meet you in the darkest place.
He also included his typical smiley face which had an ovular shape and three sprouts of hair which I now realized kind of resembled my tomato plushie. It was my dad's writing, of course. But why? And how? What did this mean?
The motel had a Bible stashed away in the nighstand drawer. I got it out and looked up the verses which read the following:
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: for every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
I spent maybe an hour ruminating on all of this. The whole discourse on energy and causality and a "falling together in time" just seemed so right. It was clear that my dad definitely did know what I was going through, but for whatever reason, he made it seem like he was oblivious. Why had he hidden that from me? I felt like I was being pulled in two directions. On the one hand, my dad loved me enough to leave this note, maybe even knowing the exact moment I'd need it. But on the other hand, he had neglected my struggles throughout my entire childhood. He even lied at times. Was this really enough to make up for all of that?
And then there was the section about the future transmitting energy to the past. I read back through the whole paragraph and the original writer had meant it to say this as something that wasn't possible, but my dad's highlighting made it seem like he wanted to flip the meaning. The future does affect the past. I thought about where I was headed and wondered if I would soon discover that for myself.
Lastly, dad's message. The Bible verse reminded me of the first time I prayed; how I reached out to God and received peace as an answer to my prayer. Now I feel like I'm actively seeking… something, but I don't know yet what I'll find. And then there's knocking. At first that reminded me of the story with the beetle tapping on the window, but then I went back even deeper in my memory and dug out the monster tapping at my window, and the words my dad spoke to me in order to set my mind at ease: "you're a superhero. And you know what your greatest superpower is? Your greatest power is you get to tell the monsters what to do. Because the monsters are only as strong as the stories you tell about them…so if you're ever scared, honey, just dream up a better story."
I was crying into my stuffed tomato now. I felt like all the blinking pieces of my life had finally been pulled together into a completed puzzle. This was all by design. My entire life, filled with so much chaos and confusion, was actually preparing me for this moment. And my dad thought I had the tools and strength enough to get through it. I flipped through the book one more time, thinking maybe he had left some other hidden comment—some formula to defeat this demon and return home. But there was nothing. Only that one comment: "I'll meet you in the darkest place."
What's the darkest place, dad? Is that where I'm going? Are you saying you'll be there, too?
With those thoughts in mind, my eyes became heavy shutters which, with a slight pressure on the pulley, winded shut. My swimming thoughts and firework-like fears dissipated, and I returned to a precious childhood memory. It was after an evening soccer practice. Summer. Dad was driving me to Dairy Queen. I got a cherry-dipped twist cone. I was happy.
So, so happy.
***
I woke up to sunlight blaring through my windows. Shit, I overslept, was my immediate thought. I threw off my covers and opened the front door. A glance at the clock showed 1:13 PM. I shouldn't have even been allowed to stay checked in this long. Damn, am I gonna get double-billed for this?
I heard a rummaging sound around the corner of my motel room. It sounded like a squirrel was trying to find an afternoon snack in one of the garbage bins. I stepped outside. The sun was extremely bright, to the point where I had to squint and put my hand over my eyes to even see the ground in front of me. I was trying to walk toward the van, but somehow I ended up in front of the trash bins where the animal's tail was sticking out from a turned-over, silver garbage can. Its tail was wagging excitedly, and I remember thinking that it was much too large to be a squirrel.
The animal bent down as if biting onto something, and I heard the sound of its growl as it struggled to tug whatever it was free from the barrel. Inch by inch, the creature backed out of the canister, and more of its sharp, sticky hair was revealed. I heard something snap, then the creature leapt back and I saw what it was chomping on. My eyes widened in horror as the pink tube of a human intestine was pulled taut like the end of a tangled hose. Blood and entrails were spilling out of the human's opened gut. And then, behind the canine, I saw the person's face. His face was pale white, his eyes closed, and his hair was slicked back… It was Trent.
Before I could react, I heard footsteps approaching from behind. I whirled around and saw my dad. But—no, it wasn't him. It was someone wearing a paper-mache face mask that was painted to look like my dad. The forehead of the mask was already beginning to crack, white specks breaking off like sawdust. Through the cracks, I could see the figure's true form. I didn't know darkness had its own type of light, but that's the only way to describe it. It was as if malevolence itself was reified into a skin which was actually an amalgamation of millions of little, oozing parasites that leached into the nearby light. When it finally spoke, the demon's voice was a full octave lower than the old man's at the deli. And it had an earth-stilling gravitas.
"Today's the day!" He sang and reached into his pocket. His lips curled upward into a foxy smirk. "You have no idea how long I've waited for this day." He said and held up a razor blade. Half his facade had already fallen apart, and now I could see the bugs up close, writhing in what was either horror or ecstasy. And his scent… it was somehow more rank than the rabid coyote rummaging through the trash can with Trent's cut open body inside. The demon closed in on my position, and in one, decisive motion, he brought the blade close to his chin, then sliced it across my throat. "Wake up!" He screamed.
I jumped out of my bed and grabbed my throat, feeling the cold sting of its quick slice. Hyperventilating, I patted the area down, trying to hold the blood in, but when I removed my hands, I saw they were dry. It was only a dream, I thought. Gray light was only beginning to filter in through the drapes. I'm in my hotel room. I'm safe. I tried consoling, but the pragmatic mental massages weren't enough to hold the force of my knees buckling. I dropped onto the carpet and cried for a long while.
Outside, rain was beginning to fall.
***
By the time I met up with Trent, I had already composed myself and decided to keep my dad's message and the nightmare to myself. None of it seemed particularly productive from a logistical standpoint, anyway. And I wanted to focus on the mission.
We stopped by McDonald's and bought a couple cups of coffee. Trent asked if I wanted any food, and I declined. Black coffee seemed like the only thing my stomach could take at the present moment. I could tell Trent was hungry, but he tried playing it off (I guess to be respectful of me?) I told him to knock it off and get something to eat. I didn't need my Charon getting lightheaded and dropping the paddle before he finished rowing me to Hell. He didn't care much for my joke, but he ordered a couple Chicken McGriddles at the kiosk anyway.
There were maybe ten patrons spread throughout the restaurant. We sat down at the same booth from the prior night, this time across from one another. Trent spent the first ten minutes or so babbling about our fuel supply and the logistics of the trip from here on in. Practical stuff. I've come to realize that's how he deals with his stress. He talks it out in short, durable sentences. I mostly nodded and watched as what looked like a storm front closed in on the truck stop. The sky was overcast, and there were darker clouds in the distance. The rain was still only a patter, but a middle-aged man wearing a yellow bow tie on the wall-mounted TV confirmed that there would be heavier rain and thunderstorms very soon.
After the worker delivered Trent's food and he ate it in record time, I posed the one question that was still on my mind.
"How do I fight him?" I asked.
Trent finished a large gulp of his coffee, then looked at me. It was the first substantial thing I'd said all morning; Trent could tell something was off with me, but he figured there was no point in asking what it was. "By 'him', I assume you mean the demon?"
I nodded.
Trent licked his teeth clean. "You could try praying again."
"I'm serious," I responded.
"I'm serious, too. It worked before, didn't it?"
"You mean at my house?"
Trent nodded.
"I thought you weren't a religious man?"
"I'm not. Just a practical one. If praying worked before, maybe it'll work again."
"That's the best you've got? A maybe?"
"No, I've got a lot of shit better than a maybe." He answered. "It's just not accessible where you're going. Which is why I recommend not making contact on the first run."
"First run? So we're going to do this more than once?"
"At least," Trent answered. Then, seeing my expression, he continued. "What? You thought this was going to be a one-and-done? We have to conduct some research first. I did tell you this was new for me, right?"
Somehow Trent's response had set my mind at ease a little. I was going to have more than one chance. Of course, why wouldn't I be able to go back more than once?
"Why didn't you tell me this earlier? It would have gone a long way in easing my mind."
Trent lifted his hands in defense. "Sorry, I just thought that was a given. I mean, what we're doing is dangerous, just like I said, but it doesn't mean we aren't going to approach this as safely and scientifically as possible. However, there is a different problem with running multiple trials."
"The Organization?"
"That's right," Trent said like a proud parent. "Our little experiment will be like a giant spotlight, and the longer we wait around after it's on us, the greater the chance we'll have unwelcome company."
"So, safe but speedy."
"Safe but speedy. Exactly."
***
We fueled up and were back on the road a little after 8:00. From that point on, Trent and I were absolutely silent. I had the distinct feeling of being in the eye of a storm. The pings moved closer commensurate with our progress toward the crash site. The cloudfront continued its advance. And I noticed a haze beginning to descend onto the road ahead of us. It was fog.
We meandered further inland, the forest thickening around us until the rain almost stopped entirely—the leaves drinking it up before it fell onto our windshield. I kept my eyes on the radar. We were approaching the large yellow circle which indicated we had arrived. As we pulled closer, I began to feel things. Fear. Eeriness. Doubt. Then happiness. Hope. Love. Normally feelings like these had a clear source to picture, but these sensations came on in waves without any discernible reason. It was almost as if they were blinking into existence inside me.
"Here we go," Trent said like an airline pilot readying his crew for turbulence.
I still recall the exact moment we crossed the boundary into the area of higher energy. It was like something just "clicked" in my brain, and all of a sudden everything felt so much closer. The sound of the rain against the trees was almost right next to my ear. The trees in the distance would oscillate between their position a half-mile out, then suddenly seem five meters away. If I focused on something long enough, it began to radiate those same ethereal particles as when Trent released Ava's "phase lock". I checked to make sure the shifter wasn't set to "TD". Sure enough, it was still in drive.
"Can you see them?" Trent asked. "The shifts?"
"Yeah," I said in a dreamy voice. I felt like I was driving through a wonderland.
"It's the energy. I barely notice a difference. A bit of movement in the trees, but not much else. But I'm sure for you, it's a whole experience."
"What is this?" I raised my hand and caught some of the pixel dust dripping off the sun visor. It disappeared when it made contact with my hand.
"It's a kind of radiation. Everything emits it, just in different quantities. I'm still not exactly sure how it relates to the other realms, but I'm guessing it's a kind of primordial matter that helps connect our worlds."
"It's beautiful," I exclaimed. "I wish I could see the world like this all the time."
"Maybe you will," Trent whispered.
As we arrived at the crash site, I began to get glimpses of the past. My childhood dreams and memories were pushing their way out from my subconscious. I noticed an increased number of blinks, which were validated by Ava who reported the following: "Currently detecting 14,350 novel emergences and 2,777 controlled agents. Net anomalies: 2,777."
"That's a lot of blinks." I remarked. "Why doesn't Ava include them in the net anomalies?"
Trent turned his head so I could see his smirk. "Because blinks aren't anomalies."
I thought about it for a second. Blinks aren't anomalies. "I never thought about it that way."
"It's hard to think about it that way when 'normal' for most people means not picking up on a fundamental aspect of reality. But that doesn't make it any less real."
We continued past the epicenter of the yellow circle. "Are we not stopping?" I asked. "I think we already passed the crash site."
"It doesn't have to be exactly at the site," Trent said. "Plus, we don't want to stop on the side of the road and risk getting some civilian involved. There's a field about half a mile up ahead. I'm going to pull off the road and set up camp there.
The "field" that Trent was referring to was actually a large clearing that dipped down into several trench-like troughs which were filled to the brim with fog like witches cauldrons. Further on in the distance, I saw open fields, probably used for farming, and then a large hill where the trees once again reasserted themselves. We had pulled off the road and up a small incline where the trees had already been broken down, leaving a trail for us to drive through. When we surfaced at the edge of the clearing, Trent pulled us onto a flat bed of dried mud which was maybe thirty yards long.
"Here," he said with a sigh.
We both sat for a minute, looking around at the field. We had finally arrived. The rain was beginning to pick up, and the dark sky made it almost impossible to discern the time of day.
"You ready?" Trent asked.
I looked at him. Really looked at him. In his blue eyes. Was I ready? Did it even matter?
"Let's do this," I said.
***
This was the first time I was really able to inspect the back of Trent's van. He had talked up his gear a lot, and honestly, I was impressed. Not in the way that a scientist is impressed by another scientist's lab—I wasn't any kind of expert—but it still seemed remarkably well managed. Now that I was in a state where my vision had been enhanced, I could actually see the enigmatic particles circulating through the pneumatic tubes which were coiled like the pipes and valves of an elaborate wind instrument. The walls of the van, itself, were glistening white, making it easier to make out everything else inside. Along the floor were five overturned columns. Each column was dark and had a vibrating quality, as if they were charged with energy. Then atop the center three columns was a small altar which supported an apparatus with two skinny, metal arms holding a silver halo. At present, the arms were folded and the halo was suspended a few inches above the altar, faced-down. I thought maybe I'd see particles exuding from it, but instead it was emitting visible waves which bent and warped everything they touched.
"That thing is emitting a lot of energy." I remarked, gesturing toward the halo.
Trent stepped in between the columns and started pulling out the packages he had stuffed in there yesterday. "Just wait till' it's on."
Most of the packages contained only a single piece of equipment, and were otherwise packed with foam peanuts. We carefully removed each box and set them on the ground outside. I asked if the rain would damage any of the stuff inside, to which Trent only laughed and continued lugging out the boxes. When they were all out, Trent removed a box cutter from his pocket and went one-by-one opening them. There were eight pieces in total.
"What is it?" I asked as we fished the first item out.
"It's another apparatus, like the one inside. Except it'll mount on the ground out here."
I pulled out what looked like a metal tripod.
"Good, that'll go on the bottom."
"Where are we setting it up?"
"Over here," Trent said and stepped five paces away from the van. He coordinated himself up so he was centrally aligned with the inner ring, then stomped a few times. "This is the spot."
As we continued to work, I asked Trent about how the whole contraption works.
"Do you remember the first time we were in the van? When we had to escape from the semi-truck?" Trent asked and connected a secondary mounting apparatus on top of the tripod. It had four spider-like legs that made right angles and stuck into the ground.
"Of course," I said. "The 'phase lock'."
"Yeah," Trent said and gestured toward the metal stick that was in my hand. I handed it to him. "The phase lock is a seal on the level of energy that the van is allowed to release. It also controls its dispersion pattern so that it releases its energy in a steady wave. This allows Ava to scan for anomalies without causing us to become an anomaly." Trent stuck the plank into the neck of the tripod.
"So when you released the phase lock, we started emitting more energy."
"That's right." Trent confirmed. "Enough to create an alternate route through a different realm."
"So we blinked into a different realm, then back, just to avoid that truck?"
"That's right."
"But why couldn't we just move out of the way?"
"Because it had locked onto us. It was tracking our motion and adjusting its course based on the amount of energy we were emitting. So in order to escape, we had to radically skew our potential energy and then use it to shift."
"Couldn't he have just followed us?"
Trent connected four more pieces to the device which now looked like an elaborate teepee. He was fishing in the last box when he spoke again. "Yeah, he could have. But it was highly improbable that he would have found us." Trent returned from the bottom of the box with another silver ring in hand. "Think of it like this. Let's say you're trying to escape from some bad guy who's coming after you, and you enter a new room you've never seen before. Would you prefer this room to have three doors to go through, or ten?"
I thought about his riddle for a second, then responded, "It depends where they go."
Trent fastened the ring atop the teepee. "Let's say they all lead to random places, or let's say they're all closets that lead nowhere. The key is that more is better, because the more doors he has to check, the less likely he is to pick the correct one. Make sense?"
"So we opened up a bunch of doors and escaped through one at random?"
"Hence the gear 'TD', for 'Trap Door'."
I marveled at the insights, but not for long. Trent hopped back in the van and pulled a lever that I hadn't seen until now. The two metal arms raised the inner ring until it was perpendicular with the altar. Then Trent clicked one of three red buttons along the back wall, and I saw what looked like a large, glass eye suspended in a magnifying glass protruding from the wall, aligned with the center of both rings. A couple seconds later, the glass eye began to focus the energy which was being fed to it from the pneumatic tubes, and a blue pyramid of light projected from it into the first ring, then from the first ring into the second ring. All three pieces were aligned at slightly diminishing heights, so the cylinder of light beamed through the second ring, into the ground.
"Alright, time for the first trial."
I felt the nerves starting up in my stomach. Trent sensed this and hopped out of the truck. It was raining quite hard now, though it was still warm. Both Trent and I were soaked, but that hardly concerned us. He reached out and put his hand on my shoulder. "I know you're feeling scared." He said. "But trust me on this. You're going to do fine. Just keep in mind what we talked about. Stay a spectator. Okay?"
I looked into his blue eyes, which seemed especially gray in the dark. Still, Trent's voice was reassuring. All I had to do was trust him. Trust myself. Trust my dad. And it was all going to turn out right.
"I'm ready," I said.
Trent was still for a second, holding my eyes in his. Then he guided me behind the outer ring and into the cylinder of light.
"I should step into it now?" I asked, afraid I'd be called away immediately.
"It's not on yet, so don't worry. I still have to press another button."
I followed Trent's instructions and stood in the blue light which was centered on my chest. Then I watched as Trent ran into the back of the van and posted up next to the glass eye. "Ready?" He yelled out. It was hard to hear him over the rain, but I yelled back. "Ready!"
The next thing I saw was a blinding blue light beam from the van. I heard what sounded like a laser, then saw the cylinder oscillate, expanding and compressing. When the energy reached the second ring, I saw everything around me light up—it looked brighter than noon on a cloudless day. Then the oscillations made their way to me, and I was swallowed up whole.
***
When I came to, I was in the backseat of a car. I felt my butt rumbling. Everything was dim and quiet. And then I heard a woman's voice from in front of me.
"Mark, please, not with Lauren in the back."
The man, who I now identified as my father, pulled the cigarette away from his lips and blew the smoke at my mom. He eyed the back seat where I was sitting, using one of five markers that hadn't rolled off my lap to color a rabbit in my animal color book.
"The kid's fine." he said and took another drag.
"Mark," my mom repeated.
I saw my dad raise his hand in a rapid motion. "I said she's fine, Cheryl. Now check the map and make sure we're going the right away. I can't see shit with all this fog."
I took a moment to make sure I was really in the back seat. I patted myself. I clearly had weight. Then I tried touching the car. At first, my fingertips met a solid surface, but when I tried to press through, my hand slipped into the car. I quickly pulled my hand away as if I had reached into a fire.
That's when I heard the little three year old next to me start crying. I turned and saw that little-me had dropped another couple markers onto the ground and was struggling to reach them.
"Hey!" my dad shouted. "What did I say about crying?"
"Quit it, Mark. She just dropped her markers." said my mom; she turned to help me pick them up.
"What did you say to me?" Mark spat with a voice full of guile. He reached out and pushed her back into her seat. "Don't," he commanded. "She has to learn how to deal with life."
"Deal…" My mom started in disbelief. "Deal with life? Do you hear yourself? What's gotten into you?"
"Sometimes shit happens. It doesn't give her the right to cry. You helping her is just going to reinforce her behavior."
"Her behavior? What about your behavior? You're acting like a total dick."
I didn't even have a moment to react before my dad's hand was across my mom's face. I felt the slap more than I heard it, my own face seeming to swell with the force of the blow. I saw my mom cover her mouth and lean away. Then little-me began to cry even louder, which only challenged my dad to step up his own volume.
"Everyone needs to get a fucking grip before I crash this car." My dad shouted and took another drag. The scariest part was I couldn't tell if he was warning us or threatening us. I felt the sudden urge to do something. There was no way this was real. I was definitely in some fantasy concocted by the demon. He wanted to turn me against my dad. That was the only explanation for something like this. My dad was a good man, not… this.
As I contemplated what to do, I saw a small, golden light appear behind little-me's window. Apparently she saw it, too, because her cries hushed as she traced the wisp with her eyes. After a second, the wisp transformed into a bunny rabbit, reminiscent of the one she was coloring. The rabbit hopped alongside the window, then did a couple circles in place. I watched little me let out a playful laugh and reach toward the window.
"What's going on back there?" my dad asked with a scowl. Apparently the only sound more disturbing than cries were laughs.
I looked back to the front and saw my mom wiping blood from her lip. Her expression was miserable. "Leave her alone, Mark."
"I'll do whatever I damn well want to do, Cheryl. It's my kid back there."
My mom was quiet.
When I looked back toward the rabbit, it was no longer a rabbit but a person. Or at least it looked like a person. The figure radiated pure gold, and atop his head was what appeared to be a King's crown. I recalled Allison's experience of seeing the sun-like figure in her moment of distress. Was that what was happening here? Was this really all true?
"Hey!" My dad shouted, eyeing little-me from the rear-view mirror. "What are you reaching at?"
I looked and saw the golden figure extending his hand toward the window, and little me's hand was reaching back. "Mom, dad, it bright." little-me said.
"What's bright, honey?" my mom asked.
"Don't encourage her, Cheryl."
"Someone there!" little me shouted happily and dropped the rest of the markers and the coloring book onto the ground.
"Who's there?" asked my mom.
"Cheryl, I swear to God. Sit the fuck down."
Everything from that moment on happened so quickly I barely had any time to process it. My mom lifted out of her seat to either get little me's attention or help me pick up my coloring book. My dad responded by grabbing onto her throat, letting go of the steering wheel entirely. He threw her back against the car door, and her head hit the window so hard, the glass cracked. My dad had dropped his cigarette, and I could smell smoke coming from under his seat, but that didn't seem to bother him at all. He turned toward little-me at the same moment my three-year-old hand reached out and grabbed onto the golden figure, whose hand diffused through the window. When my dad turned, I got a whiff of the most awful smell that I wouldn't have been able to place had I not had that nightmare last night. He grabbed onto little-me's shoulder and tugged her away from the golden figure that was trying to pull her the other way. My dad's facade began to crack, and I could see those dark bugs crawling out from the pores in his arms, marching down toward little-me.
I reacted.
I grabbed onto my dad's arm and pulled him off little-me. I heard the sound of my shirt ripping as she was torn from his grip and pulled out of the car, diffusing through it like a ghost. My brief victory was immediately overturned as I saw what was now clearly the demon smiling at me, his wretched fingers curled around my forearm.
"Caught you," He sneered.
Then the whole world once again diffused into countless numbers of particles, only this time, instead of riding through it, I felt like I was falling through an elevator shaft with each floor darker than the last. The further I fell, the less I became aware of my surroundings, and the more I felt a deep sense of loneliness. It was as if I was the only person in the whole world: and the whole world was a prison designed entirely for me. This went on for so long, I began to forget who I was. Where I was. What was.
And then I landed.
***
Source Used:
Jung, Carl. Synchronicity. Translated by Sonu Shamdasani, Princeton University Press, 2010.

this one is long and complicated so buckle up. all names are fake for privacy. sorry for the formatting, i’m on mobile.
relevant info: I am 22, my husband is 22 and a navy veteran.
i gave my brother my old iphone 11 when i upgraded in 2022. i cant remember if i factory reset it or not.
Selena lives in Grant County, OR. My father lives in Walla Walla, WA. My parents got divorced in Oct 2023, and my mother and sister (9)came to live with my myself, my husband and our daughter in Hampton Roads, VA.
the 5 of us are currently driving back from va to wa.
My brother is trans. (FTM)
in summer 2023, my brother, Jaxon (16m) asked if he could go spend a school year with my moms (Liz, 40F) best friend at the time (Selena, 41m). He wanted to do this so he could work on Selena’s dad’s farm and save money for a car. My mom thought it would be good for him, so she signed a power of attorney agreement that expired when the school year was over (june 7, 2024), meaning at that time she relinquished guardianship back to my mother and father, and Jaxon would be driven back home to my parents.
During the school year, i received many middle of the night calls of him sobbing and saying he “couldn’t do this anymore.” he vented to me, sent me videos, and told me these things:

• she misgendered and deadnamed him constantly, forced him to dress femininely
  
• she didn’t pay him for the work he was doing on the farm (from 4 am until school (8AM), then after school (4pm) until 11pm, forcing him to stay up extra late (1-3AM) to complete homework.) i should also note that i have access to his bank account and i have not seen a single deposit for over a year.
  
• she screamed at him constantly, telling him he was a failure (his grades had started slipping from a Bs to a Cs), that he needed to suck it up and quit being a crybaby (he was exhausted and depressed because of poor sleep, being overworked, not being allowed to have friends)
  
• she constantly took away the only phone he had (his only line of communication to myself and my mother) whenever she felt like it. (usually just when she was pissed off)
  
• shoving him, destroying his art projects (he’s a clay sculptor), throwing away his homework if he left it on the table overnight, and much more.
  
• my mother and i both have recorded phone calls of Jaxon secretly calling us while she was screaming at him about something or other
  
• she forced him to detail her truck and he found coke and meth in the truck. he called me, telling me he thought he found drugs. i asked him to describe it to me, and it turned out to be a bag of meth and a bag of coke. i had him send me pictures, which i still have.
  

being across the country, my mother and i couldn’t do anything to help him get out of that situation. every time we offered to buy a plane ticket for him so come to VA, Selena would say “(he) needs to finish school” and my father was out of the country for work until May this year, so he couldn’t do anything either.
we did call the sheriff of grant county for a welfare check (multiple times) and they told us they couldn’t do anything unless there were visible marks or Jaxon’s life was in imminent danger. we called DHS/CPS (in december, when the problems started) and they told us they’d look into it. nothing ever came of that.
The day before school was officially over, Selena searched Jaxon’s backpack and found weed in it. (she had previously told him she didn’t care about weed because it’s legal in oregon) but she flew off the handle, screaming at him for HOURS. (he called me during her rant and some of the things i heard made my blood boil.
She then decided to STRIP SEARCH MY 16 YEAR OLD FTM BROTHER. this was his breaking point. he waited until about 2 AM, when he knew she was in bed, on June 7, then called one of his friends. they drove him back to my fathers house. (from john day OR to Walla Walla, WA.) when Jaxon told me he was with my dad, i relayed the info to Selena. She said “ok good”
about 2 hours after Jaxon had returned to my dad’s care, Selena texted me this:
“(Jaxon) has 24 hours to get (his) ass back here before i go to the police to charge (him) with minor in possession.”
i ignored her, not wanting to engage with her rage baiting. she sent more texts, all threatening to charge my brother (in Oregon) with a MIP (he doesn’t have drugs on his person currently, there is no video/photo evidence that the weed was even Jaxons, and he is back with his legal guardian in WA.)
when she got no response from myself or my mother other than “he’s with his dad”, she switched tactics. and texted me this:
“Please have (Jaxon) call me so i know he is safe”
i replied “ok” and relayed the info to my brother. he refuses to call her because she was horrible to him and he doesn’t want to be screamed at.
when he didn’t call her yesterday, she texted me, telling me she would call CPS on my father, the police, anything she could think of to try and scare me.
i texted her this yesterday at 8 AM after she tried calling me 10 times and texted me over 50 times with no reply.
“(Jaxon) is safe, he's with his parent (which trumps your power of attorney, which is over anyway. boo hoo.) thank god i don't have to pretend to like your snake ass anymore. go ahead and call cps, (Jaxon) has said (father) makes him feel safe, especially from you. so yeah!! go ahead, call CPS, and when they do nothing, go cry. sorry that you can't use my BROTHER for slave labor anymore, guess you'll have to actually HIRE someone at the farm now (boo hoo again). this is your official notice that any further contact with (father), my mother, or (Jaxon) will be documented for a harassment case and restraining order. have a fun life doing meth and being crazy, but don't involve us in it anymore. toodalooo!!!”
she then began texting my mom, threatening me with CPS for videos of me smoking weed (that i sent him on snapchat) and me talking about my struggle with cocaine addiction. (i’ve been clean since Halloween 2020). i haven’t replied to anything, simply screenshotting the messages and call logs, adding them to a folder to turn into police once we get to washington. harassment charges and restraining order.
after no replies, she once again started BOMBARDING my mother with texts. i’m copy/pasting some texts but changing names. my mother also didn’t respond, simply screenshotted and sent the pics to me for the folder.
“If she (referring to me) wants to continue to run her fat mouth....I have no issues releasing the videos I have to the police. Videos that she has no idea I have....from (Jaxon's) phone! I have 2 notebooks full of writing from (Jaxon) and countless screenshots as well as....this is the best part....the entire storage of (his) iPhone. Backups from every social media platform (he) has!!!”
(i know for a fact the backups off the iphone are bullshit bc he’s part of my iphone family and i would be notified if she tried to download anything from the cloud onto an unrecognized device. not to mention that she doesn’t have the icloud password. but that is neither here nor there.)
“"I want you to get the message across to (father) that I'm not playing. (Jaxon) needs to contact me....NOT (father) ....so that I know (Jaxon) is.... SAFE Mentally Stable /not suicidal Not on drugs I'm actually amazed that you and (father) think having her contact me after I have been the one caring for her is to much to ask. It screams dishonesty and feels like you guys are hiding something. There is no reason whatsoever (he) can't speak to me on the phone! If (he) is mad...to bad. If (he) is crying and claiming (he) don't want to talk to me for whatever reason.. oh fucking well. (Jaxon) has always been safe in my presence and in my care so I know for a fact (he) can not claim otherwise.”
“So again armed with enough shit to not only have everyone facing a bunch of charges, but to be garunteed that cps will be knocking at your door in Virginia as well...you might want to have (him) give me a call so this will end before it really truly begins.”
“I'm headed to the police station now. Done playing games. Couch Lusco is also willing to testify in my favor. As is two other teachers that (he) has made claims of abuse to.”
at this point i called my brother, and asked him to just text Selena to get her off my moms back.
this is their entire conversation:
J: I'm safe, mentally stable, not on drugs, and looking to further educate myself over the summer as well as apply for a job or two to pay my way.
S: Call me. Or I'm going to the cops with all the videos. Simple. You don't think I don't know your sister cant access your fb page
J: My sister has access to literally everything on that phone because of the cloud backup. She could wipe it all clean with the press of a button, not to mention a cop isn't gonna take me in for an mip of a cigarette or a blunt. It's not that deep.
(he is referring to the iphone Selena supposedly “backed up”)
Jaxon sent mom the screenshot of their convo, and she sent it to Selena. the following convo ensued:
S: Lmao that was (kyber) on (Jaxon’s) account! IM NOT GOING TO STOP UNTIL I KNOW THAT CHILD IS SAFE (Liz)!!
L: No it was not. I got those DIRECTLY from Jaxon. (mom didn’t reply to any texts after this)
S: I'm going to make everyone lives a giant fucking mess until (he) contacts me....PERIOD Pretty fucking simple. I'm going to take all the information (he) has given me that supports my reasons to be concerned and let the authorities do the rest.
S: Whats funny in all of this is that there is no reason (Jaxon) can't contact me. What am I going to do? Hurt (him) through a phone? Don't be dumb (Liz). Ypu are the only level headed person enough to see the bullshit games this kid will play as well as a good enough mom to understand why I am worried.
S: And (Jaxon) is right...they arnt going to take (him) for an MIP....but they ARE going to investigate the videos further I garuntee that! (He) is a minor and I promise you that they won't take any of it lightly!!!
S: You need to understand that (Jaxon) has already told me what (kyber) does. I know that wasn't (Jaxon) on Facebook because (he) wasn't caught with a fuckkng blunt.
S: What I don't understand is why you guys are acting like it's to much to ask to hear from (him)
S: If (father) does not have the ability or control to make his child behave then why is (he) in his care? Actually It don't matter I have been more then patient It's now a matter of (his) safety! Im going to the police!!!
S: I have never hurt that child or put (him) in a situation to be hurt. I'm perfectly content with (him) staying in walla...but I want to hear (him) say that so I know (he) is safe! If that makes me a bad person....I'm fine with that!!
S: (Liz)...l'm begging you! Please don't make me turn all of this in just because (Jaxon) has made up a bunch of bullshit to play the victim and make everyone look bad!
S: Understand something....I GAIN NOTHING FROM DOING THIS!! (He) either calls me or I spill all (his) secrets and not because I gain a damn thing.....but because I need to know (he) is safe and if (he) refuses to contact me then the only other person I will allow to validate (his) safety is going go be a police officer.
after this text she tried to call my mom more than 20 times in 10 minutes. all of which were declined, screencapped, and sent to me for the folder.
i’m just wondering what to do in this situation? she is threatening to call CPS, the cops, whatever she can do to try and intimidate me, mother, and father.
please help.

I will post pictures in the comments. I do have a doctors appt for tomorrow, but am curious if anyone could tell me what this could potentially be?? I am a 29 year old female with no prior ear issues since I was in elementary school. I am not sure if this would be useful or not but prior medical history - anemic, eczema, mild allergies during the spring/summer, I had surgery in February to remove my teeth after severe hyperemesis gravidarum both pregnancies which ruined them beyond repair and periodontal disease. I had my 2nd son 8 months ago. I currently wear a denture. No prior drug abuse and I take 50mg Zoloft daily. Both of my son's and my husband are symptom free and feel like their normal self. I woke up this morning with the following sudden symptoms: severe chills (no fever), a swollen lymphnode/tenderness on the left side of neck, a sore throat, and fullness of head and my ears. At 3pm I now have a fever of 102 and feel awful. was periodically sneezing the last couple of days but other than that, nothing. My throat looks red and irritated (I do not have tonsils). I decided to check the inside of my ears with my ear camera and discovered this!! There is a rock hard bump on the inside of my right ear canal that has blood and yellow on it. both of the insides of my ear canals have a white layer on them with yellowish wax? They look swollen/irritated and feel full. I also noticed there is a black hair on my right ear drum. They have never looked like this before in the past when Ive used my ear camera. Any opinions or possible leads on what it could be would be appreciated!!

Recently Reddit has been flooded with news and pictures of Pro-Palestinian protests, including pictures of protestors wearing Hamas headbands, waving Al-Qaeda flags, or shouting for intifada. Yet, almost every time in the comments people say stuff like “While I don’t agree with their stance, isn’t it great that we all have a right to protest in (country)”
It’s one thing to criticise your government or the Israeli government, and to show support for the Palestinian people, but glorifying/supporting terrorists and advocating for Intifada is straight up advocating for violence, and definitely does not fall under protected speech. I don’t see people commenting “right to protest”for neo-nazi rallies, and it should be no different for pro-jihadist rallies.
Just to clarify, I do not believe that pro-Palestine protestors are inherently pro-violence, but it is important to recognise when protests are hijacked by malicious forces and properly classify and contain them so they can’t spread their hate.
Edit: As many have pointed out, the US does protect the right to free speech and protest of nazis, but it is still almost universally condemned online and especially on Reddit. Also, many other countries have extensive laws regulating nazi symbols and rallies, and the US is kind of the outlier in western democracies.

I'm glad I joined this group! Thanks for having me. I've read a lot of threads and didn't see the one I hoped for, here it is.... Does anybody have Easter Eggs to share? I was watching a whole bunch of shows that recorded last week. During the opening shots, there's a desk. In the background and on the desks are items associated with each of the 8 core characters. I've figured out all but one item and one character, maybe some of you can help.
*Basketball - Sasappis?/For his role in Jay's dream?
*Barn Owl - FloweWhen they all thought she was sucked off and became an owl.
Reward Points sign ? - not sure if it's an Easter Egg
*Cup & saucer - Hetty/She loves a tea party.
*Candy bowl - Pete?/Isn't he the one that loves butterscotch candy?
Book about Poltergeists & Apparitions - I remember one of the 8 seeing a poltergeist or being interested in them or something. No other book in the shot has a visible title. /
*Butterfly on picture frame - ThoHe wanted to show Flower a butterfly in the pantry when they were doing suck-off roll call.
*Framed photo of Jay & Samantha/For themselves.
*Toy Dinosaur - Issac Higgintoot/He wanted the dinosaur themed wedding after being told they were real.
Flapper dress in portrait - Alberta/It's similar to what she's wearing.
Victorian lamp ? - I'm not sure about this either.
Trevor is the only one I can't think of something brought out in an episode that is associated with him.

Post Content:
Picture this - I'm on the creaky old deck of my grandfather’s house, trying to build a bookshelf with his ancient, battered toolbox. I've got the instructions in front of me, but I've never done anything like this before. I’m staring blankly at the mess of wood and nails before me, unsure where to even begin. That's when I remember my 9th-grade shop class.
In my mind, I start forming an image of the finished product, recalling the lines, angles, and placements from the diagram. This is my mental representation of the bookshelf: a static image in my mind with the knowledge of how it should look. But that’s not enough to actually build it.
So, I begin simulating the process in my mind. I remember me, all gangly limbed and teenage awkward, in the shop class, wearing oversized safety goggles. I recall Mr. Johnson's gruff voice guiding us. I picture myself cutting the wood in the right lengths, carefully hammering the nails in place, adjusting the shelves. This is mental simulation, the dynamic process of mentally walking through each step.
See, mental representation and mental simulation are two sides of the same cognitive coin. One gives you the 'what' - the image of what needs to be achieved. The other gives you the 'how' - the process to achieve it. By mentally simulating the construction of the bookshelf, I was able to go from a pile of wood to a finished, albeit slightly wonky, bookshelf all on my own.
So next time you're stuck with a confusing IKEA furniture kit, remember - mental representation and mental simulation are your secret weapons!
P.S. This is a (mostly) hypothetical tale, my woodworking skills are sadly non-existent in real life. But the mental strategies are 100% real and applicable. So don't be surprised if I ask you to mentally build a rocket next time!

Here is a bit about me I'm 6ft tall 140lbs brown hair and eyes. I wear glasses. I am from western North Carolina
Some of my interests I'm gamer mostly on ps5, Im a big resident evil fan some other games I play are gta, rdr2, Final Fantasy metal gear solid and the witcher. I'll play almost anything.
I also like Watching movies, anime and YouTube, I mostly watch let's plays.
I like cars, I've got a car im trying to restore. I like auto racing mainly Nascar, formula 1, and indycar
If you think we would get along shoot me a message and tell me a little about yourself. I would be fine exchanging pictures if you want to.

Here is a bit about me I'm 6ft tall 140lbs brown hair and eyes. I wear glasses. I am from western North Carolina
Some of my interests I'm gamer mostly on ps5, Im a big resident evil fan some other games I play are gta, rdr2, Final Fantasy metal gear solid and the witcher. I'll play almost anything.
I also like Watching movies, anime and YouTube, I mostly watch let's plays.
I like cars, I've got a car im trying to restore. I like auto racing mainly Nascar, formula 1, and indycar
If you think we would get along shoot me a message and tell me a little about yourself. I would be fine exchanging pictures if you want to.

SC irregulars modular helmet retention system / pic $40
Agilite Counterweight Pouch 15
random holster parts and strap $10
repro G3 knee pads $20
repro Esstac Daeodon triple magazine placard with swift clip $35
repro Princeton Tec Charge MPLS $40
repro Hel-Star 6 in Green and IR $20
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rubber knife/bayonet $20
repro(I think) battery pouch $20
OD lanyard $10
repro magpul 2 point sling $15
Element Princeton Tec Switch MPLS has red and IR, $35
AMP Arms for Peltor Comtacs $25
Evolution Gear Unity Taps Sync $40, this one is dual cranes
Repro Invisio 6 pin NATO dual PTT $120
repro JPC back panel FDE $30
repro S&S Navboard Fliplite with some wear $20
ranger green helmet setup TMC Super High Cut Maritime Helmet with SF Shroud, Worm Dial, TMC Agilite Helmet Bridge. $110
repro Ace1Arms T2 with KAC battery cap and AD QD mount $45
Bow Master MP5 Aluminum nozzle for VFC MP5 V2 BNIB (not pictured yet) $60
repro Wilcox Raid BNIB, fully metal construction, $140 shipped
misc S&S strobe, not sure of function, treat as junk $10
repro FDE S&S Manta Strobe, red and IR strobe function, $20
repro FDE S&S Manta Strobe, green and IR strobe function, $20
repro black S&S Manta Strobe, green and IR strobe function, $20
Viper Tech Pmag BNIB $70.
AceTech Raider BNIB $90.
repro unity modbutton, 2.5mm plug $20
repro American Defense T1/T2 QD mount $20
armoured rail covers $10 for the lot
RS Glock 26 Hogue grip $15
Crusader G36K steel barrel $30
assorted patches $5 ea
original trigger $10
Marui G17/18C frame rail $20