Finding someone hidden on facebook
gamingsuggestions
2011.10.04 16:14 Violent_broccoli gamingsuggestions
2014.04.22 00:40 OkeeDoe Nutted but she still sucking, cus that shit cray.
Busted a nut, and she still sucking.
2008.06.24 12:05 Handmade - Arts & Crafts Made by Hand
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2024.05.16 05:50 zhvair Plug Locks
So I live with my stepfather and mother as a basement adult-child. I've lived in some apartments before but SSI doesn't cover the rent so I live here currently. He delivered himself some gorilla tape. This house is...half built and for rent, and probably illegal, so one of the doors to the basement is a ginormous piece of cardboard. For weather protection I've had to tape it up to the wall. There is another, real door, that goes to the basement. So he ordered gorilla tape along with some groceries, and I decided to take the gift (as in, I took it religiously as a sign and gift by the spirits above to tape up the door) and used it to re-tape the door, as at one time he undid the tape and kicked it down for a reason I cannot remember. When I was done with the tape- or only half done with it, as I was busy and only did half the job, I put it back where it's supposed to go. Then I went about my life.
Unfortunately, he took this very personally, and I have since realized that if any spirits were involved in it, it was clearly a trap. The tape disappeared and he demanded to know where it was. I confirmed with him that I used it and that I put it back. It wasn't there. I looked all over for it, even in places I knew where it wasn't, and I couldn't find it. So either I forgot and misplaced it, or he's literally gaslighting me and hid it.
Well, he insulted me many times and demanded that I didn't touch his stuff. To me this was a common household good to be used whenever anyone needed it, not a personal item. But regardless of that, he didn't demand that I pay him back or that I buy more tape for him. No. Instead, he bought himself plugs to fix on the washing machine and dryer cords, preventing me from turning the washing machine or dryer on as I do not have a key. He demanded that I only wash my clothes in front of him and he SAID THE ACTUAL WORD "punishment". I told me that this was a "punishment for using his tape". This could have just been an annoyance, but actually it turns out that it was a really hard boundary. It caused me to flip out (and to be fair, I did start new meds that day and also learned about something traumatizing on the news as well) and I went off and spent $200 at a hotel crying and trying to get away from him. I went back the next day. I had been crying huddled in a ball several times the first couple of days and I do not cry. I tipped into a severe depression. Now that I'm off my meds I still feel extremely creeped out and disturbed by his actions.
Due to the relationship between me and my parents and their...strange personalities, there's no way that I can talk to them. They always talk down to me and never consider my side seriously. I cannot have an adult conversation with them and when I try to, they say that I'm the one who can't. My mother has refused to participate in this battle to defend me by saying that I need to stop "rebelling" and that I only use little piles of clothes in my laundry, which isn't true. I sort by fabric type and separate socks (covered in basement and floor gravel and dirt), underwear, delicates from the main pile into other piles. So, hots go in together, things that dry on medium or low go into different piles, etc. So it isn't one huge pile, but it is sensible in my opinion and she won't hear of it.
I have tried to do laundry in the laundromat and found that no matter how many times I have washed, their still appears to be the same amount of soap as the first one. That is, washing twice doesn't appear to be an extra rinse because the water is just as bubbly. I can't wash the dryers out with a babywipe beforehand to get rid of whatever it is that the dryer sheets leave on the inside of the dryer, and despite my extra rinses some of my clothes burn me. I had two opportunities to move with section 8 and this is holding me back. It has costed me over $30 to come back with smelly clothes that are not completely clean. I have tried to wash clothes in the tub and dry them on the clothing lines outside, put them on a rack inside with a fan, and on a chair in front of a heater, and it's not working out very well. I need actual laundry machines.
I don't understand how someone could decide that these two things are not for the household to share. They didn't tell me to wash my clothes at a certain time or to limit the loads. They never had any discussion like that. He simply locked the plugs as a punishment because I used his tape and "misplaced it" which I'm pretty sure I did not. What can I do? Is there anything a lawyer could do for me? Washing my clothes in front of him is emotionally impossible for me, I have given this narcissist many chances, but at this point I've gone back to feeling like he's a monster. I would love to just go on a plane and get out of here, but this makes it harder to financially and packing wise. Plus, I don't actually have any other place to live right now. What am I supposed to do?
submitted by zhvair to legaladvice [link] [comments]
Unfortunately, he took this very personally, and I have since realized that if any spirits were involved in it, it was clearly a trap. The tape disappeared and he demanded to know where it was. I confirmed with him that I used it and that I put it back. It wasn't there. I looked all over for it, even in places I knew where it wasn't, and I couldn't find it. So either I forgot and misplaced it, or he's literally gaslighting me and hid it.
Well, he insulted me many times and demanded that I didn't touch his stuff. To me this was a common household good to be used whenever anyone needed it, not a personal item. But regardless of that, he didn't demand that I pay him back or that I buy more tape for him. No. Instead, he bought himself plugs to fix on the washing machine and dryer cords, preventing me from turning the washing machine or dryer on as I do not have a key. He demanded that I only wash my clothes in front of him and he SAID THE ACTUAL WORD "punishment". I told me that this was a "punishment for using his tape". This could have just been an annoyance, but actually it turns out that it was a really hard boundary. It caused me to flip out (and to be fair, I did start new meds that day and also learned about something traumatizing on the news as well) and I went off and spent $200 at a hotel crying and trying to get away from him. I went back the next day. I had been crying huddled in a ball several times the first couple of days and I do not cry. I tipped into a severe depression. Now that I'm off my meds I still feel extremely creeped out and disturbed by his actions.
Due to the relationship between me and my parents and their...strange personalities, there's no way that I can talk to them. They always talk down to me and never consider my side seriously. I cannot have an adult conversation with them and when I try to, they say that I'm the one who can't. My mother has refused to participate in this battle to defend me by saying that I need to stop "rebelling" and that I only use little piles of clothes in my laundry, which isn't true. I sort by fabric type and separate socks (covered in basement and floor gravel and dirt), underwear, delicates from the main pile into other piles. So, hots go in together, things that dry on medium or low go into different piles, etc. So it isn't one huge pile, but it is sensible in my opinion and she won't hear of it.
I have tried to do laundry in the laundromat and found that no matter how many times I have washed, their still appears to be the same amount of soap as the first one. That is, washing twice doesn't appear to be an extra rinse because the water is just as bubbly. I can't wash the dryers out with a babywipe beforehand to get rid of whatever it is that the dryer sheets leave on the inside of the dryer, and despite my extra rinses some of my clothes burn me. I had two opportunities to move with section 8 and this is holding me back. It has costed me over $30 to come back with smelly clothes that are not completely clean. I have tried to wash clothes in the tub and dry them on the clothing lines outside, put them on a rack inside with a fan, and on a chair in front of a heater, and it's not working out very well. I need actual laundry machines.
I don't understand how someone could decide that these two things are not for the household to share. They didn't tell me to wash my clothes at a certain time or to limit the loads. They never had any discussion like that. He simply locked the plugs as a punishment because I used his tape and "misplaced it" which I'm pretty sure I did not. What can I do? Is there anything a lawyer could do for me? Washing my clothes in front of him is emotionally impossible for me, I have given this narcissist many chances, but at this point I've gone back to feeling like he's a monster. I would love to just go on a plane and get out of here, but this makes it harder to financially and packing wise. Plus, I don't actually have any other place to live right now. What am I supposed to do?
2024.05.16 05:50 Juanox78 [WTS] 👍👍"📍Mercadillo Store📍"👍👍 ▶️ CCU'ed LTI Ships ► A1 Spirit LTI $180 Vanguard Warden LTI $215 Retaliator Bomber LTI $230 Vanguard Harbinger LTI $235 Eclipse LTI $240 Redeemer LTI $245 Hammerhead $390 ▶️ many more upgrades & ships inside
May 15/16 2024
👍👍 👋 Welcome citizens, come and take a look at the items I have to offer and feel free to send me a PM if you have any questions before buying.
About me:
RSI: Juannox - Discord: Juannox
- I don't use second hand credits and I don't purshase accounts, all the items I sell are directly from my own account using my own funds, so there is no risk on my side.
🌎🌍🌏 I'am accepting US$ and EU€ from anywhere in the world using paypal or Cryptocurrencies: BTC, ETH, LTC, USDT, BUSDT etc.
my local time is GMT -5
⬇️☀️ SOME ITEMS AND PAINTS ☀️⬇️
HOW TO BUY:
submitted by Juanox78 to Starcitizen_trades [link] [comments]
👍👍 👋 Welcome citizens, come and take a look at the items I have to offer and feel free to send me a PM if you have any questions before buying.
About me:
RSI: Juannox - Discord: Juannox
- I'm a backer since Jan-2015, I'm an active user in the comunity, my goal is to bring all items to you at best possible prices from me, all funds will be used to support the proyect again,
- More than 3000 real trades in this subreddit without any problem.
- I don't use second hand credits and I don't purshase accounts, all the items I sell are directly from my own account using my own funds, so there is no risk on my side.
🌎🌍🌏 I'am accepting US$ and EU€ from anywhere in the world using paypal or Cryptocurrencies: BTC, ETH, LTC, USDT, BUSDT etc.
my local time is GMT -5
- Listed prices includes paypal fees.
- Verified paypal users only
- Confirmed RSI account only, (check HERE on how to)
- Items over $35 only to buyers with some reddit history (crypto has no limits)
- Check instructions on "how to buy" at the end of this post.
⬇️ STANDALONE SHIPS ⬇️
- If you don't find a ship in the list, feel free to ask me.- All the ships listed here are built with my own funds without using second-hand credits, so there's no risk here.
| SHIP | Insurance - Attributes | Price | Availability |
|---|---|---|---|
| SPARTAN | OC - LTI | $90 | ✔️ YES |
| NOMAD | OC - LTI | $90 | ✔️ YES |
| CUTTER | OC - LTI | $70 | ✔️ YES |
| SABRE | CCU'ed - LTI | $155 | ✔️ YES |
| FREELANCER MIS | CCU'ed - LTI | $160 | ✔️ YES |
| CUTLASS BLUE | CCU'ed - LTI | $160 | ✔️ YES |
| F7C- SUPER HORNET | CCU'ed - LTI | $170 | ✔️ YES |
| A1 SPIRIT | CCU'ed - LTI | $180 | ✔️ YES |
| HURRICANE | CCU'ed - LTI | $185 | ✔️ YES |
| DEFENDER | CCU'ed - LTI | $190 | ✔️ YES |
| SAN TOK YAI | CCU'ed - LTI | $195 | ✔️ YES |
| SCORPIUS | CCU'ed - LTI | $200 | ✔️ YES |
| APOLLO TRIAGE | CCU'ed - LTI | $210 | ✔️ YES |
| ARES INFERNO | CCU'ed - LTI | $215 | ✔️ YES |
| ARES ION | CCU'ed - LTI | $215 | ✔️ YES |
| 400i | CCU'ed - LTI | $215 | ✔️ YES |
| VANGUARD WARDEN | CCU'ed - LTI | $215 | ✔️ YES |
| CORSAIR BIS 2953 | CCU'ed - LTI | $220 | ✔️ YES |
| MERCURY BIS 2952 | CCU'ed - LTI | $225 | ✔️ YES |
| APOLLO MEDIVAC | CCU'ed - LTI | $230 | ✔️ YES |
| RETALIATOR BOMBER | CCU'ed - LTI | $230 | ✔️ YES |
| VANGUARD HARBINGER | CCU'ed - LTI | $235 | ✔️ YES |
| ECLIPSE | CCU'ed - LTI | $240 | ✔️ YES |
| CATERPILLAR | CCU'ed - LTI | $245 | ✔️ YES |
| REDEEMER | CCU'ed - LTI | $245 | ✔️ YES |
| ENDEAVOR | CCU'ed - LTI | $255 | ✔️ YES |
| CRUCIBLE | CCU'ed - LTI | $255 | ✔️ YES |
| VALKYRIE | CCU'ed - LTI | $265 | ✔️ YES |
| GALAXY | CCU'ed - LTI | $270 | ✔️ YES |
| RECLAIMER | CCU'ed - LTI | $285 | ✔️ YES |
| GENESIS | CCU'ed - LTI | $285 | ✔️ YES |
| C2 HERCULES | CCU'ed - LTI | $285 | ✔️ YES |
| 600i EXPLORER BIS 2953 | CCU'ed - LTI | $320 | ✔️ YES |
| HULL C | CCU'ed - LTI | $325 | ✔️ YES |
| M2 HERCULES | CCU'ed - LTI | $335 | ✔️ YES |
| HULL D | CCU'ed - LTI | $340 | ✔️ YES |
| LIBERATOR | CCU'ed - LTI | $345 | ✔️ YES |
| ARRASTRA | CCU'ed - LTI | $345 | ✔️ YES |
| CARRACK | CCU'ed - LTI | $345 | ✔️ YES |
| MERCHANTMAN | CCU'ed - LTI | $350 | ✔️ YES |
| ORION | CCU'ed - LTI | $350 | ✔️ YES |
| PERSEUS | CCU'ed - LTI | $370 | ✔️ YES |
| ODYSEY | CCU'ed - LTI | $380 | ✔️ YES |
| HAMERHEAD | CCU'ed - LTI | $390 | ✔️ YES |
| NAUTILUS | CCU'ed - LTI | $390 | ✔️ YES |
| POLARIS | CCU'ed - LTI | $395 | ✔️ YES |
⬇️🤑 Saving Cost WARBOND/Pre-Price UPGRADES 🤑⬇️
| FROM | 📌 | TO 👇 | Insurance | Price |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Reliant Mako | ➡️ | Freelancer | - | $10 |
| Nova | ➡️ | Cutlass Red | - | $10 |
| Hornet Tracker | Prospector | - | $10 | |
| Sabre | ➡️ | A1 Spirit | - | $15 |
| Hornet Tracker | ➡️ | SRV | - | $16 |
| Hull B | ➡️ | SRV | - | $16 |
| Defender | ➡️ | Corsair | 120 | $15 |
| Railen | ➡️ | Corsair | 120 | $15 |
| F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker | ➡️ | Defender | - | $12 |
| Retaliator Bomber | ➡️ | Eclipse | 120 | $15 |
| Prowler | ➡️ | Hull C | - | $25 |
| F7C-M Super Hornet | ➡️ | Hurricane | - | $15 |
| Liberator | ➡️ | Merchantman | - | $38 |
| Vanguard Hoplite | ➡️ | Mercury | 120 | $12 |
| Hull D | ➡️ | Orion | 120 | $56 |
| Perseus | ➡️ | Polaris | 120 | $56 |
| Reclaimer | ➡️ | Prowler | 120 | $25 |
| Prospector | ➡️ | Sabre | 120 | $12 |
| A1 Spirit | ➡️ | San'tok.yāi | 120 | $20 |
| Starfarer Gemini | ➡️ | Valkyrie | - | $25 |
| Razor | ➡️ | Vulture | - | $15 |
⬇️☀️ Standard UPGRADES ☀️⬇️
| FROM | 📌 | TO 👇 | Price | Availability |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Aurora MR | ➡️ | MPUV C | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Mustang Alpha | ➡️ | MPUV C | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Aurora MR | ➡️ | P-72 Archimedes | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| HoverQuad | ➡️ | P-72 Archimedes | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Aurora MR | ➡️ | Ranger CV | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| HoverQuad | ➡️ | Ranger CV | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Aurora MR | ➡️ | Ranger RC | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| HoverQuad | ➡️ | Ranger RC | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Aurora LX | ➡️ | Ranger TR | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Dragonfly Black | ➡️ | Nox | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| P-72 Archimedes | ➡️ | X1 | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Dragonfly Black | ➡️ | X1 | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Dragonfly Yellowjacket | ➡️ | X1 | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| STV | ➡️ | X1 | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| C8X Pisces Expedition | ➡️ | Cutter Rambler | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Cutter | ➡️ | Cutter Rambler | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Mule | ➡️ | Cutter Rambler | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| C8X Pisces Expedition | ➡️ | Cutter Scout | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Cutter | ➡️ | Cutter Scout | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Mule | ➡️ | Cutter Scout | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| STV | ➡️ | X1 Velocity | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Cutter | ➡️ | X1 Velocity | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Mule | ➡️ | X1 Velocity | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| X1 | ➡️ | X1 Velocity | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| 100i | ➡️ | Fury | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Cutter Rambler | ➡️ | Fury | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Cutter Scout | ➡️ | Fury | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Ursa | ➡️ | Fury | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| 100i | ➡️ | Fury LX | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Cutter Rambler | ➡️ | Fury LX | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Cutter Scout | ➡️ | Fury LX | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Ursa | ➡️ | Fury LX | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| 100i | ➡️ | Fury MX | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Cutter Rambler | ➡️ | Fury MX | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Cutter Scout | ➡️ | Fury MX | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Ursa | ➡️ | Fury MX | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| 100i | ➡️ | Mustang Gamma | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Cutter | ➡️ | X1 Force | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| 100i | ➡️ | X1 Force | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| X1 Velocity | ➡️ | X1 Force | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Cyclone | ➡️ | Lynx | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Fury | ➡️ | Lynx | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| ROC | ➡️ | Lynx | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| 300i | ➡️ | C8R Pisces | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Avenger Stalker | ➡️ | C8R Pisces | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| 125a | ➡️ | Cyclone RC | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| 300i | ➡️ | Cyclone RC | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Avenger Stalker | ➡️ | Cyclone RC | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| 300i | ➡️ | Cyclone RN | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Avenger Stalker | ➡️ | Cyclone RN | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| 300i | ➡️ | Cyclone TR | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Avenger Stalker | ➡️ | Cyclone TR | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Avenger Stalker | ➡️ | G12a | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Avenger Stalker | ➡️ | Mustang Delta | $9 | 🔥 Last one! |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| 135c | ➡️ | Syulen | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Reliant Kore | ➡️ | Syulen | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| 325a | ➡️ | Avenger Titan Renegade | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| 325a | ➡️ | Cyclone MT | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Reliant Kore | ➡️ | Reliant Tana | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| 325a | ➡️ | Reliant Tana | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Syulen | ➡️ | Reliant Tana | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Arrow | ➡️ | Cyclone AA | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| 300i | ➡️ | Spartan | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| G12 | ➡️ | Spartan | $25 | 🔥 Last one! |
| G12r | ➡️ | Spartan | $25 | 🔥 Last one! |
| Arrow | ➡️ | Spartan | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Nomad | ➡️ | Avenger Warlock | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Nomad | ➡️ | Herald | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Arrow | ➡️ | Reliant Sen | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Nomad | ➡️ | Reliant Sen | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Spartan | ➡️ | Reliant Sen | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Arrow | ➡️ | Storm | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| Nomad | ➡️ | Storm | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Reliant Sen | ➡️ | Storm | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Gladius | ➡️ | Reliant Mako | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Reliant Sen | ➡️ | M50 | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| Gladius | ➡️ | M50 | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Hull A | ➡️ | M50 | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Reliant Mako | ➡️ | M50 | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Gladius | ➡️ | Storm AA | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Storm | ➡️ | Storm AA | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Hull A | ➡️ | Buccaneer | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| Hawk | ➡️ | Buccaneer | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Gladius | ➡️ | Centurion | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| Hull A | ➡️ | Centurion | $25 | 🔥 Last one! |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Gladius | ➡️ | Talon | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| Reliant Mako | ➡️ | Talon | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Arrow | ➡️ | Talon Shrike | $46 | ✔️ YES |
| Gladius | ➡️ | Talon Shrike | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| Reliant Mako | ➡️ | Talon Shrike | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Freelancer | ➡️ | Legionnaire | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| M50 | ➡️ | Nova | $25 | 🔥 2 Left! |
| Cutlass Black | ➡️ | Nova | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Freelancer | ➡️ | Nova | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Cutlass Black | ➡️ | 350r | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| Talon | ➡️ | 350r | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Talon Shrike | ➡️ | 350r | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Legionnaire | ➡️ | 350r | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Nova | ➡️ | 350r | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Cutlass Black | ➡️ | C1 Spirit | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| Freelancer | ➡️ | C1 Spirit | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| Nova | ➡️ | C1 Spirit | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| F7C Hornet | ➡️ | Cutlass Red | $30 | 🔥 Last one! |
| Freelancer | ➡️ | Cutlass Red | $30 | 🔥 Last one! |
| F7C-S Hornet Ghost | ➡️ | Cutlass Red | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Cutlass Red | ➡️ | Hull B | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Freelancer DUR | ➡️ | Hull B | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| F7C-R Hornet Tracker | ➡️ | Razor | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Hull B | ➡️ | Razor | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Ballista | ➡️ | E1 Spirit | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Razor | ➡️ | E1 Spirit | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| F7C-R Hornet Tracker | ➡️ | Expanse | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| F7C-R Hornet Tracker | ➡️ | Razor LX | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Razor | ➡️ | Razor LX | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Razor | ➡️ | Zeus Mk II CL | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Razor | ➡️ | Zeus Mk II ES | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Razor | ➡️ | Razor EX | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Freelancer MAX | ➡️ | Razor EX | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Mantis | ➡️ | Razor EX | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Razor LX | ➡️ | Razor EX | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Prospector | ➡️ | Gladiator | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Hull B | ➡️ | Khartu-Al | $35 | ✔️ YES |
| Prospector | ➡️ | Khartu-Al | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| Gladiator | ➡️ | Khartu-Al | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Freelancer MAX | ➡️ | Sabre | $25 | 🔥 2 Left! |
| Prospector | ➡️ | Sabre | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| Razor EX | ➡️ | Sabre | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| Gladiator | ➡️ | Sabre | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Cutlass Red | ➡️ | Cutlass Blue | $46 | ✔️ YES |
| Prospector | ➡️ | Cutlass Blue | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| Sabre | ➡️ | Cutlass Blue | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Prospector | ➡️ | F7C Hornet Wildfire | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| Razor EX | ➡️ | F7C Hornet Wildfire | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| Gladiator | ➡️ | F7C Hornet Wildfire | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Khartu-Al | ➡️ | F7C Hornet Wildfire | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Sabre | ➡️ | F7C Hornet Wildfire | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| E1 Spirit | ➡️ | Freelancer MIS | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| Prospector | ➡️ | Freelancer MIS | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| Razor EX | ➡️ | Freelancer MIS | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| Gladiator | ➡️ | Freelancer MIS | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Khartu-Al | ➡️ | Freelancer MIS | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| Sabre | ➡️ | Freelancer MIS | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Prospector | ➡️ | F7C-M Super Hornet | $35 | ✔️ YES |
| Razor EX | ➡️ | F7C-M Super Hornet | $35 | ✔️ YES |
| Gladiator | ➡️ | F7C-M Super Hornet | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| Khartu-Al | ➡️ | F7C-M Super Hornet | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| Sabre | ➡️ | F7C-M Super Hornet | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| Cutlass Blue | ➡️ | F7C-M Super Hornet | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| F7C Hornet Wildfire | ➡️ | F7C-M Super Hornet | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Freelancer MIS | ➡️ | F7C-M Super Hornet | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Vulture | ➡️ | F7C-M Super Hornet | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Prospector | ➡️ | Sabre Comet | $35 | ✔️ YES |
| Vulture | ➡️ | Sabre Comet | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Vulture | ➡️ | Zeus Mk II MR | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| F7C-M Super Hornet | ➡️ | Zeus Mk II MR | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Prospector | ➡️ | A1 Spirit | $51 | ✔️ YES |
| Gladiator | ➡️ | A1 Spirit | $40 | ✔️ YES |
| Khartu-Al | ➡️ | A1 Spirit | $35 | ✔️ YES |
| Sabre | ➡️ | A1 Spirit | $35 | ✔️ YES |
| Vulture | ➡️ | A1 Spirit | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| Zeus Mk II MR | ➡️ | A1 Spirit | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Prospector | ➡️ | F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker | $51 | ✔️ YES |
| Sabre | ➡️ | F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker | $35 | ✔️ YES |
| Freelancer MIS | ➡️ | F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| F7C-M Super Hornet | ➡️ | F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| Sabre Comet | ➡️ | F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| F7C-M Super Hornet | ➡️ | Vulcan | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Prospector | ➡️ | Hurricane | $62 | ✔️ YES |
| Sabre | ➡️ | Hurricane | $46 | ✔️ YES |
| Cutlass Blue | ➡️ | Hurricane | $40 | ✔️ YES |
| F7C-M Super Hornet | ➡️ | Hurricane | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| A1 Spirit | ➡️ | Hurricane | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Constellation Taurus | ➡️ | Hurricane | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker | ➡️ | Hurricane | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Vulcan | ➡️ | Hurricane | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Prospector | ➡️ | Defender | $72 | ✔️ YES |
| Khartu-Al | ➡️ | Defender | $56 | 🔥 2 Left! |
| Sabre | ➡️ | Defender | $56 | ✔️ YES |
| Cutlass Blue | ➡️ | Defender | $51 | ✔️ YES |
| Freelancer MIS | ➡️ | Defender | $51 | ✔️ YES |
| F7C-M Super Hornet | ➡️ | Defender | $40 | ✔️ YES |
| Sabre Comet | ➡️ | Defender | $40 | ✔️ YES |
| Constellation Taurus | ➡️ | Defender | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| Hurricane | ➡️ | Defender | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| A1 Spirit | ➡️ | Terrapin | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| Constellation Taurus | ➡️ | Terrapin | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker | ➡️ | Terrapin | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| Vulcan | ➡️ | Terrapin | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| Hurricane | ➡️ | Terrapin | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Prospector | ➡️ | Railen | $77 | ✔️ YES |
| Constellation Taurus | ➡️ | Railen | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| Vulcan | ➡️ | Railen | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| Defender | ➡️ | Railen | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Constellation Taurus | ➡️ | Scorpius Antares | $35 | ✔️ YES |
| F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker | ➡️ | Scorpius Antares | $35 | ✔️ YES |
| Hurricane | ➡️ | Scorpius Antares | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| Defender | ➡️ | Scorpius Antares | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Terrapin | ➡️ | Scorpius Antares | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Railen | ➡️ | Scorpius Antares | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Constellation Taurus | ➡️ | Cutlass Steel | $40 | ✔️ YES |
| Terrapin | ➡️ | Cutlass Steel | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| Scorpius Antares | ➡️ | Cutlass Steel | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| A1 Spirit | ➡️ | San'tok.yāi | $46 | ✔️ YES |
| Constellation Taurus | ➡️ | San'tok.yāi | $46 | ✔️ YES |
| Hurricane | ➡️ | San'tok.yāi | $35 | ✔️ YES |
| Defender | ➡️ | San'tok.yāi | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| Terrapin | ➡️ | San'tok.yāi | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| Scorpius Antares | ➡️ | San'tok.yāi | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Cutlass Steel | ➡️ | San'tok.yāi | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Prospector | ➡️ | Scorpius | $93 | ✔️ YES |
| Sabre | ➡️ | Scorpius | $77 | ✔️ YES |
| Freelancer MIS | ➡️ | Scorpius | $72 | ✔️ YES |
| F7C-M Super Hornet | ➡️ | Scorpius | $62 | ✔️ YES |
| Sabre Comet | ➡️ | Scorpius | $62 | 🔥 2 Left! |
| Constellation Taurus | ➡️ | Scorpius | $46 | ✔️ YES |
| F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker | ➡️ | Scorpius | $46 | ✔️ YES |
| Hurricane | ➡️ | Scorpius | $35 | ✔️ YES |
| Defender | ➡️ | Scorpius | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| Terrapin | ➡️ | Scorpius | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| Scorpius Antares | ➡️ | Scorpius | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Cutlass Steel | ➡️ | Scorpius | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Constellation Taurus | ➡️ | Vanguard Hoplite | $46 | ✔️ YES |
| Defender | ➡️ | Vanguard Hoplite | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| Railen | ➡️ | Vanguard Hoplite | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| Scorpius Antares | ➡️ | Vanguard Hoplite | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Constellation Taurus | ➡️ | 400i | $56 | ✔️ YES |
| Terrapin | ➡️ | 400i | $35 | ✔️ YES |
| Constellation Andromeda | ➡️ | 400i | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| San'tok.yāi | ➡️ | 400i | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Scorpius | ➡️ | 400i | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Vanguard Hoplite | ➡️ | 400i | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Constellation Andromeda | ➡️ | Apollo Triage | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Scorpius | ➡️ | Apollo Triage | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Prospector | ➡️ | Ares Inferno | $104 | ✔️ YES |
| Sabre | ➡️ | Ares Inferno | $88 | ✔️ YES |
| Freelancer MIS | ➡️ | Ares Inferno | $83 | ✔️ YES |
| F7C-M Super Hornet | ➡️ | Ares Inferno | $72 | ✔️ YES |
| Sabre Comet | ➡️ | Ares Inferno | $72 | ✔️ YES |
| Constellation Taurus | ➡️ | Ares Inferno | $56 | ✔️ YES |
| F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker | ➡️ | Ares Inferno | $56 | ✔️ YES |
| Vulcan | ➡️ | Ares Inferno | $56 | ✔️ YES |
| Constellation Andromeda | ➡️ | Ares Inferno | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| San'tok.yāi | ➡️ | Ares Inferno | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Scorpius | ➡️ | Ares Inferno | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Prospector | ➡️ | Ares Ion | $104 | ✔️ YES |
| Sabre | ➡️ | Ares Ion | $88 | ✔️ YES |
| Freelancer MIS | ➡️ | Ares Ion | $83 | ✔️ YES |
| F7C-M Super Hornet | ➡️ | Ares Ion | $72 | ✔️ YES |
| Sabre Comet | ➡️ | Ares Ion | $72 | ✔️ YES |
| Constellation Taurus | ➡️ | Ares Ion | $56 | ✔️ YES |
| F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker | ➡️ | Ares Ion | $56 | ✔️ YES |
| Vulcan | ➡️ | Ares Ion | $56 | ✔️ YES |
| Constellation Andromeda | ➡️ | Ares Ion | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| San'tok.yāi | ➡️ | Ares Ion | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Scorpius | ➡️ | Ares Ion | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Defender | ➡️ | Corsair | $35 | ✔️ YES |
| Terrapin | ➡️ | Corsair | $35 | ✔️ YES |
| Constellation Andromeda | ➡️ | Corsair | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| San'tok.yāi | ➡️ | Corsair | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Scorpius | ➡️ | Corsair | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Vanguard Hoplite | ➡️ | Corsair | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker | ➡️ | Mercury | $67 | ✔️ YES |
| Terrapin | ➡️ | Mercury | $46 | ✔️ YES |
| Constellation Andromeda | ➡️ | Mercury | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| San'tok.yāi | ➡️ | Mercury | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| Scorpius | ➡️ | Mercury | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| Vanguard Hoplite | ➡️ | Mercury | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| 400i | ➡️ | Mercury | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Ares Inferno | ➡️ | Mercury | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Ares Ion | ➡️ | Mercury | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Corsair | ➡️ | Mercury | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Constellation Andromeda | ➡️ | Vanguard Warden | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| Scorpius | ➡️ | Vanguard Warden | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| 400i | ➡️ | Vanguard Warden | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Ares Inferno | ➡️ | Vanguard Warden | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Ares Ion | ➡️ | Vanguard Warden | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Corsair | ➡️ | Vanguard Warden | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Constellation Andromeda | ➡️ | Apollo Medivac | $40 | ✔️ YES |
| 400i | ➡️ | Apollo Medivac | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| Apollo Triage | ➡️ | Apollo Medivac | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| Corsair | ➡️ | Apollo Medivac | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| Mercury | ➡️ | Apollo Medivac | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| Vanguard Warden | ➡️ | Apollo Medivac | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Constellation Andromeda | ➡️ | Blade | $40 | 🔥 2 Left! |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Constellation Andromeda | ➡️ | Retaliator Bomber | $40 | ✔️ YES |
| Scorpius | ➡️ | Retaliator Bomber | $40 | 🔥 Last one! |
| 400i | ➡️ | Retaliator Bomber | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| Ares Inferno | ➡️ | Retaliator Bomber | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| Ares Ion | ➡️ | Retaliator Bomber | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| Corsair | ➡️ | Retaliator Bomber | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| Mercury | ➡️ | Retaliator Bomber | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| Vanguard Warden | ➡️ | Retaliator Bomber | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Constellation Andromeda | ➡️ | Vanguard Sentinel | $40 | ✔️ YES |
| 400i | ➡️ | Vanguard Sentinel | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| Ares Ion | ➡️ | Vanguard Sentinel | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| Corsair | ➡️ | Vanguard Sentinel | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| Mercury | ➡️ | Vanguard Sentinel | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| Vanguard Warden | ➡️ | Vanguard Sentinel | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Constellation Andromeda | ➡️ | Vanguard Harbinger | $56 | ✔️ YES |
| Mercury | ➡️ | Vanguard Harbinger | $35 | ✔️ YES |
| Vanguard Warden | ➡️ | Vanguard Harbinger | $35 | ✔️ YES |
| Retaliator Bomber | ➡️ | Vanguard Harbinger | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| Vanguard Sentinel | ➡️ | Vanguard Harbinger | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Constellation Andromeda | ➡️ | Eclipse | $67 | ✔️ YES |
| Mercury | ➡️ | Eclipse | $46 | ✔️ YES |
| Vanguard Warden | ➡️ | Eclipse | $46 | 🔥 Last one! |
| Retaliator Bomber | ➡️ | Eclipse | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| Vanguard Sentinel | ➡️ | Eclipse | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| Vanguard Harbinger | ➡️ | Eclipse | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Constellation Andromeda | ➡️ | Starfarer | $67 | 🔥 Last one! |
| Mercury | ➡️ | Starfarer | $46 | 🔥 Last one! |
| Vanguard Harbinger | ➡️ | Starfarer | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Constellation Andromeda | ➡️ | Caterpillar | $99 | ✔️ YES |
| 400i | ➡️ | Caterpillar | $88 | ✔️ YES |
| Mercury | ➡️ | Caterpillar | $77 | ✔️ YES |
| Vanguard Warden | ➡️ | Caterpillar | $77 | ✔️ YES |
| Retaliator Bomber | ➡️ | Caterpillar | $62 | ✔️ YES |
| Vanguard Sentinel | ➡️ | Caterpillar | $62 | ✔️ YES |
| Vanguard Harbinger | ➡️ | Caterpillar | $46 | ✔️ YES |
| Constellation Aquila | ➡️ | Caterpillar | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| MOLE | ➡️ | Caterpillar | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Mercury | ➡️ | Redeemer | $77 | ✔️ YES |
| Vanguard Warden | ➡️ | Redeemer | $77 | ✔️ YES |
| Constellation Aquila | ➡️ | Redeemer | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| MOLE | ➡️ | Redeemer | $19 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Constellation Aquila | ➡️ | Starfarer Gemini | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| MOLE | ➡️ | Starfarer Gemini | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| Caterpillar | ➡️ | Starfarer Gemini | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| Redeemer | ➡️ | Starfarer Gemini | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| MOLE | ➡️ | Crucible | $40 | ✔️ YES |
| Caterpillar | ➡️ | Crucible | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| Starfarer Gemini | ➡️ | Crucible | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| MOLE | ➡️ | Endeavor | $40 | ✔️ YES |
| Caterpillar | ➡️ | Endeavor | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| Redeemer | ➡️ | Endeavor | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| Starfarer Gemini | ➡️ | Endeavor | $14 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Constellation Aquila | ➡️ | Valkyrie | $67 | 🔥 Last one! |
| MOLE | ➡️ | Valkyrie | $67 | ✔️ YES |
| Caterpillar | ➡️ | Valkyrie | $51 | ✔️ YES |
| Redeemer | ➡️ | Valkyrie | $51 | ✔️ YES |
| Starfarer Gemini | ➡️ | Valkyrie | $40 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Valkyrie | ➡️ | Galaxy | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| MOLE | ➡️ | C2 Hercules | $93 | ✔️ YES |
| Starfarer Gemini | ➡️ | C2 Hercules | $67 | ✔️ YES |
| Glaive | ➡️ | C2 Hercules | $56 | ✔️ YES |
| Valkyrie | ➡️ | C2 Hercules | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| Galaxy | ➡️ | C2 Hercules | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| MOLE | ➡️ | Genesis | $93 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Valkyrie | ➡️ | Reclaimer | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| Galaxy | ➡️ | Reclaimer | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Valkyrie | ➡️ | 600i Touring | $67 | 🔥 Last one! |
| C2 Hercules | ➡️ | 600i Touring | $40 | ✔️ YES |
| Reclaimer | ➡️ | 600i Touring | $40 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Constellation Aquila | ➡️ | Prowler | $136 | ✔️ YES |
| Valkyrie | ➡️ | Prowler | $72 | ✔️ YES |
| C2 Hercules | ➡️ | Prowler | $46 | ✔️ YES |
| Reclaimer | ➡️ | Prowler | $46 | ✔️ YES |
| 600i Touring | ➡️ | Prowler | $9 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| C2 Hercules | ➡️ | 600i Explorer | $83 | 🔥 2 Left! |
| 600i Touring | ➡️ | 600i Explorer | $46 | ✔️ YES |
| Prowler | ➡️ | 600i Explorer | $40 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| MOLE | ➡️ | Hull C | $199 | ✔️ YES |
| Prowler | ➡️ | Hull C | $67 | ✔️ YES |
| 600i Explorer | ➡️ | Hull C | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| MOLE | ➡️ | M2 Hercules | $220 | ✔️ YES |
| C2 Hercules | ➡️ | M2 Hercules | $130 | ✔️ YES |
| 600i Explorer | ➡️ | M2 Hercules | $51 | ✔️ YES |
| Hull C | ➡️ | M2 Hercules | $25 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| M2 Hercules | ➡️ | Arrastra | $62 | ✔️ YES |
| Hull D | ➡️ | Arrastra | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| M2 Hercules | ➡️ | Liberator | $62 | ✔️ YES |
| Hull D | ➡️ | Liberator | $30 | 🔥 2 Left! |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Valkyrie | ➡️ | Carrack | $241 | ✔️ YES |
| Genesis | ➡️ | Carrack | $215 | 🔥 Last one! |
| Prowler | ➡️ | Carrack | $173 | ✔️ YES |
| 600i Explorer | ➡️ | Carrack | $136 | ✔️ YES |
| M2 Hercules | ➡️ | Carrack | $88 | ✔️ YES |
| Arrastra | ➡️ | Carrack | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| Liberator | ➡️ | Carrack | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Prowler | ➡️ | Merchantman | $225 | ✔️ YES |
| 600i Explorer | ➡️ | Merchantman | $188 | ✔️ YES |
| M2 Hercules | ➡️ | Merchantman | $141 | ✔️ YES |
| Liberator | ➡️ | Merchantman | $83 | ✔️ YES |
| Carrack | ➡️ | Merchantman | $56 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Carrack | ➡️ | Orion | $56 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Carrack | ➡️ | Perseus | $83 | ✔️ YES |
| Merchantman | ➡️ | Perseus | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| Orion | ➡️ | Perseus | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Carrack | ➡️ | Odyssey | $109 | ✔️ YES |
| Perseus | ➡️ | Odyssey | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Carrack | ➡️ | Hammerhead | $136 | 🔥 Last one! |
| Carrack Expedition w/C8X | ➡️ | Hammerhead | $88 | 🔥 2 Left! |
| Merchantman | ➡️ | Hammerhead | $83 | ✔️ YES |
| Perseus | ➡️ | Hammerhead | $56 | ✔️ YES |
| Odyssey | ➡️ | Hammerhead | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Merchantman | ➡️ | Nautilus | $83 | 🔥 Last one! |
| Perseus | ➡️ | Nautilus | $56 | 🔥 2 Left! |
| Odyssey | ➡️ | Nautilus | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| M2 Hercules | ➡️ | A2 Hercules | $247 | 🔥 Last one! |
| Carrack | ➡️ | A2 Hercules | $162 | ✔️ YES |
| Carrack Expedition | ➡️ | A2 Hercules | $136 | 🔥 2 Left! |
| Carrack Expedition w/C8X | ➡️ | A2 Hercules | $114 | ✔️ YES |
| Merchantman | ➡️ | A2 Hercules | $109 | ✔️ YES |
| Perseus | ➡️ | A2 Hercules | $83 | ✔️ YES |
| Odyssey | ➡️ | A2 Hercules | $56 | ✔️ YES |
| Hammerhead | ➡️ | A2 Hercules | $30 | ✔️ YES |
| - | 📌 | TO 👇 | ||
| Perseus | ➡️ | Polaris | $83 | ✔️ YES |
| Hammerhead | ➡️ | Polaris | $38 | ✔️ YES |
| Nautilus | ➡️ | Polaris | $38 | ✔️ YES |
| Items | Price |
|---|---|
| Scorpius - Stinger Paint 💎 | $45 |
| Scorpius - Sunburn Paint | $14 |
| Spirit - Olympia Paint | $18 |
| Constellation ILW 2950 Paint Pack | $24 |
| CITIZENCON 2951 DIGITAL GOODIES | $10 |
- PM me what you would like to buy and include your Verified PayPal email
- Reply to this thread by announcing that you sent me a private message "PM'd", so I can see that you are a verified buyer.
- I will then send you an invoice to your paypal email.
- After payment is cleared Item is delivered to the buyer's PayPal email address.
- You will recieve a regular email from RSI with the title "Someone sent you a gift from Roberts Space Industries"
- Make sure to be logged into the correct RSI account before you open the link inside,
- I will post in "Confirmed Trades theme post" thread announcing the sale.
- After confirming the gift, you can reply to the post in which I mention you with +verify in "Confirmed Trades theme post".
- Tracking and proof of delivery are provided by "Hangar Log" on RSI website.
2024.05.16 05:50 RuthlessKhaleesi I (F28) and my (M31) been together 10 years ; he's been constantly searching fb for a specific person, should I be worried?
So in January, my SO brought up to me that he was unhappy in our relationship because we were arguing too much, and I wasn't making time for him. We have a son with adhd, he takes up my patience and time, I'm a full time student, and an office manager. Still no excuse to make someone feel neglected, so I apologized and prioritized my time, talked to my therapist for aid in stress relief (I knew I was in a bad mood often), and cut back on hours. I told him to keep me up to date in his feelings, and if there is something else I can do to work on my end.
Everything has been going so much better and I asked him if he's happy with me a couple times, to which he responded he was never unhappy with me but with how our relationship was. Making the changes I did and being more present has felt amazing for me and I realized like wow, I have my person and I don't feel as stressed anymore maybe I bit off more than I can chew and this just feels good. I excitedly planned our 10 year anniversary, and we're both beyond excited.
Brings me to my issue, I can't shake this feeling off since January when he told me he was unhappy. I overthink and I know that but I can't get out of my head. I worry I'm not doing enough, looking good enough, having enough sex, etc... so we make jokes about our sex life taking a hit when becoming parents, and I make jokes about myself gaining weight, my stomach being different, etc. But he made a couple jokes a week ago and it hurt. It doesn't feel the way it used to because in my head he's not happy and I wish I could change it all and be someone he's proud to have (I gained 40 lbs since my son and have pcos so losing it has been a nightmare).
Fast forward to last week, I got his phone to look up his cousin (to buy a minisplit from them) on Facebook. I see multiple searches for women on it and it made my heart drop. I trust him, I don't think he'd cheat but it caught me off guard because one them is a spitting image of his dream girl. I put his phone down and just let it be. Before I get scolded on here, I know I shouldn't have looked again as it's an invasion of privacy (even though he has told me years ago, I could look through his phone) I never felt the need to and this was just coincidence. But I did, two more times. The old searches for her were deleted. But he forgot to delete the search from yesterday. Now my thing is why search them so often? And why delete it? And apparently, they went to high school together (says on the fb).
My brother is his best friend since 8th grade (how we met) and I was kinda just made apart of the friend group and they have talked about old crushes/flings in the past and the name of the girl he's been consistently searching up has never came up in these conversations so I'm kind of like who is she? Where did she come from?
I guess another thing that is just so bothersome to me about the whole thing is how I've been trying hard, putting in work to this and he's just doing whatever. But told me when I asked how happy he is now and happy about the changes.
Anyway, any advice would be great. And I guess bottom line is, should I be worried about his consistent searches? Should I ask him about it or let it be? Am I too in my head? I don't know.
TLDR; F28, M31 my SO of 10 years is consistently searching someone up on Facebook after telling me he was unhappy in January but now says he's so happy and loves all that has changed so I'm unsure if to bring it up to him or I'm overreacting and in my head.
submitted by RuthlessKhaleesi to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
Everything has been going so much better and I asked him if he's happy with me a couple times, to which he responded he was never unhappy with me but with how our relationship was. Making the changes I did and being more present has felt amazing for me and I realized like wow, I have my person and I don't feel as stressed anymore maybe I bit off more than I can chew and this just feels good. I excitedly planned our 10 year anniversary, and we're both beyond excited.
Brings me to my issue, I can't shake this feeling off since January when he told me he was unhappy. I overthink and I know that but I can't get out of my head. I worry I'm not doing enough, looking good enough, having enough sex, etc... so we make jokes about our sex life taking a hit when becoming parents, and I make jokes about myself gaining weight, my stomach being different, etc. But he made a couple jokes a week ago and it hurt. It doesn't feel the way it used to because in my head he's not happy and I wish I could change it all and be someone he's proud to have (I gained 40 lbs since my son and have pcos so losing it has been a nightmare).
Fast forward to last week, I got his phone to look up his cousin (to buy a minisplit from them) on Facebook. I see multiple searches for women on it and it made my heart drop. I trust him, I don't think he'd cheat but it caught me off guard because one them is a spitting image of his dream girl. I put his phone down and just let it be. Before I get scolded on here, I know I shouldn't have looked again as it's an invasion of privacy (even though he has told me years ago, I could look through his phone) I never felt the need to and this was just coincidence. But I did, two more times. The old searches for her were deleted. But he forgot to delete the search from yesterday. Now my thing is why search them so often? And why delete it? And apparently, they went to high school together (says on the fb).
My brother is his best friend since 8th grade (how we met) and I was kinda just made apart of the friend group and they have talked about old crushes/flings in the past and the name of the girl he's been consistently searching up has never came up in these conversations so I'm kind of like who is she? Where did she come from?
I guess another thing that is just so bothersome to me about the whole thing is how I've been trying hard, putting in work to this and he's just doing whatever. But told me when I asked how happy he is now and happy about the changes.
Anyway, any advice would be great. And I guess bottom line is, should I be worried about his consistent searches? Should I ask him about it or let it be? Am I too in my head? I don't know.
TLDR; F28, M31 my SO of 10 years is consistently searching someone up on Facebook after telling me he was unhappy in January but now says he's so happy and loves all that has changed so I'm unsure if to bring it up to him or I'm overreacting and in my head.
2024.05.16 05:49 TheChadmania C4ST, no assistance after repair
 | I’m posting here as a bit of a last resort in case someone has been through similar. I searched here to see and didn’t find any relevant posts. submitted by TheChadmania to cowboybikes [link] [comments] Story starts I bought my bike used here in the US from someone who only put 18 miles on it. All was well until I started riding it and realized the belt was a bit loose. No biggie, I looked up a video and had it tightened up no problem. Next time I ride all of a sudden the belt is loose again. Okay so this is deeper than I’d like. I contact support saying the belt is coming loose even after tightening and they say no problem we’ll send a new bottom bracket to fix that! It comes along (a redesigned one), they schedule velofix to come out it in and no problem it’s in. Next day I go to take it out, belt is tight but all of a sudden I’m getting no assistance. I figure out, the bottom bracket has the torque sensor inside so the issue must be that the torque sensor is malfunctioning. I look on my ride history and strangely it shows how much wattage I used but that the bike used 0 (See picture #1). That’s strange, so I look online and find a Reddit thread on a C3 where someone mentioned there was no assistance and Cowboy have them access to the Backoffice app which gives more detailed diagnostics and lets you recalibrate your torque sensor. After a bit of pestering the Cowboy support gives me access to Backoffice and I recalibrate the torque sensor no problem. Uh oh, it still doesn’t work. At this point, I realize that if I push incredibly hard on the pedal I can actually get the motor to push! (See picture 2 for the bike sitting still and picture 3 for the millisecond of assistance I get from the bike). Finally I see there is a full diagnostic so I figure why don’t I run that to see what it comes up with. The diagnostic spins the motor just fine and only comes up with 2 errors that seem somewhat unrelated (See: Picture 4 ignore the max speed and power gain errors, those went away on a second diagnostic). I’m kinda out of ideas at this point, I’m talking to cowboy support now to try and schedule another velofix appointment to see if we can figure it out together… Any ideas? |
2024.05.16 05:49 RedReaperGS Does it happen to you guys?
I have my random moments where I'm self-aware that my fandom is not a mainstream one and my pairing rarely gets new fic, but it does from time to time.
I'm, right now, the most active one in there and sometimes my mind thinks: Sure, someone already muted me and blocked me since I'm passionate about the pairing (brings comfort and good memories for some situations RL) and I like to practice my writings.
I tend to write after work or in the middle of it, multi tasking, since I work from home.
Sometimes I wish like comments and few more kudos, but otherwise I'm grateful from the few people who reads. Even when I'm insecure of my writing as a latina (practicing English), and sometimes thinking that my ideas are stupid.
It makes me wonder if even with all I have said by now, if I'm not the only one who like finds new fics on the tags I like or the pairing and even if I don't agree with whatever it's writen there, never like mutes and blocks and let's people be? Unless someone messes with me, of course.
Is like I'm self aware I might be molesting someone with my character studies or practices, constantly using writing as a coping mecanism and for the love of the art itself and the pairing, but that can't be bothered to block or mute anyone?
submitted by RedReaperGS to FanFiction [link] [comments]
I'm, right now, the most active one in there and sometimes my mind thinks: Sure, someone already muted me and blocked me since I'm passionate about the pairing (brings comfort and good memories for some situations RL) and I like to practice my writings.
I tend to write after work or in the middle of it, multi tasking, since I work from home.
Sometimes I wish like comments and few more kudos, but otherwise I'm grateful from the few people who reads. Even when I'm insecure of my writing as a latina (practicing English), and sometimes thinking that my ideas are stupid.
It makes me wonder if even with all I have said by now, if I'm not the only one who like finds new fics on the tags I like or the pairing and even if I don't agree with whatever it's writen there, never like mutes and blocks and let's people be? Unless someone messes with me, of course.
Is like I'm self aware I might be molesting someone with my character studies or practices, constantly using writing as a coping mecanism and for the love of the art itself and the pairing, but that can't be bothered to block or mute anyone?
2024.05.16 05:48 Chemical-Holiday-245 My dad has aids and my girlfriend fucking hates me
Hi! I apologize in advance for the long post. Trigger warnings for mentions of suicide, abuse, and eating disorders (the latter will be very mild).
I (19NB) have been with my girlfriend (20F) for about two and a half years; the relationship started out really well, both of us have prior trauma and struggle with mental health but we were kind of building off of each other for a long time. I went into it very emotionally constipated and as a horrific people pleaser; she went into it very insecure and super scared of me cheating. For the first year to year and a half it was a lot of lifting each other up, she'd reassure me that she'd listen to anything I needed and I reassured her that she would never have to worry about me cheating. There was more to it as well; at least on my side, I had a really bad eating disorder and she was the driving force for me to recover (she always reassured me that she liked my body, preferred for me to be healthy and that it didn't affect her perception of me, etc), was generally really sweet to me in the day-to-day, and was honestly everything I was looking for in a partner up until that point- I'm not someone that is attracted to people based on looks at all (either asexual spectrum or due to sexual trauma when I was a child- I'm also pretty sure I'm neurodivergent but never had the ability to get diagnosed; this will be important later) but she has been the one person I can really say I find attractive. I can think people look "cool" or "interesting" but she's genuinely so beautiful to me in a way that I've never felt for anyone else before. Personality-wise as well, she seemed perfect from the get-go- we always clicked in interactions, she'd reassure me without me asking for it and was interested in everything I had to say, etc. One big thing for me in the beginning was kind of silly but I feel like it's important for me to say; she plays games a lot, and every time we'd call each other and she'd get mad at whatever she was playing she would specifically lower her voice to talk to me. She could be halfway through yelling "what the fuck" at her computer but as soon as I said something to her she'd make herself sound as comforting as possible. This was a really big thing for me; my upbringing was very rough and both of my parents are prone to fits of anger (to the point of it getting physical very often) so I get very uncomfortable when people are visibly angry towards me. This is a big reason why I struggled with people-pleasing; as soon as someone gets upset with me I feel genuine terror, so I would try to avoid it as much as possible. I brought it up once and she said she didn't even realize she did it; the fact that she knew that about me and subconsciously made sure to try not to scare me was such a huge thing I loved about her. I was very used to people taking advantage of the fact that I was bad with boundaries, etc so having her act so comforting towards me with seemingly no ill intentions made me fall really deeply for her.
All of this changed last year- mostly in the summer but it kind of all started with her sleeping through our Valentines Day date. I couldn't even name everything she did but the main theme is that she let her insecurities get ahold of her. She would get upset with me over my clothing choices (stuff like shorts and a t-shirt in summer; it felt really reminiscent to victim blaming, like I must want sex if I wear shorts), literally just having friends, she'd snap at me all the time when she was slightly frustrated over her games (remember what I said earlier), literally anything became a reason for her to get horrifically angry at me. It was around this time that I decided to look into her prior dating history more and I learned pretty quickly that she used to be a serial cheater in different relationships (although her partners were really badly abusive and they cheated first, so I didn't think of it as a dealbreaker). She stopped reassuring me or speaking to me nicely, and also had a really big issue of doing things "back" (if I did anything that made her insecure, she'd do it 10x worse instead of talking to me about it). I mentioned having a side Reddit account once (this one) and she made a private Twitter and added all of her friends onto it except for me, and didn't tell me about it, just posted screenshots of it until I put 2 and 2 together. She also got upset after finding out that the person that groomed me is a trans girl (she's a trans girl too) and would ask me questions about whether I liked her (MY GROOMER!!!!!!!!) better. She'd do this stuff and then, when questioned about it, start agreeing with me and calling herself "undateable", etc, so I'd reassure her that she wasn't and ask her to "carry" the relationship for a bit since I thought she understood my side; by this I just meant being extra nice to me for a week or so (like when dudes get in a fight with their girlfriend and buy them flowers and talk to them more sweetly for awhile, not anything crazy), but I never really got that from her. Everything came to a head when she texted me saying she "couldn't do this anymore" and sent me a bunch of screenshots of her friendgroup telling her I was "just like her exes", "a master manipulator" etc. Their main reasons for the accusations were that I was "too secretive" (which I really don't think is true; I tend to want some baseline privacy in a relationship but she didn't even allow me that much- she'd join any public Discord servers I mentioned being in and told her I'd rather she didn't join on alts, etc, and even told me the stuff she'd find me saying wasn't bad and she was happy about it) and "accuse her of cheating too much", which.. Really. My side was honestly mostly just asking for reassurance since she completely stopped giving me it, her side was literally driving me to cut off all of my friends other than four people because I was scared she'd get upset with me again and also led to feel intense guilt for talking to. This whole thing also happened within a month of both my most recent suicide attempt (I had been going through a lot) and my parents wanting to kick me out (my mom is very mentally unwell and convinced herself that I had been prostituting myself- definitely not true to any degree. It got to the point where I had someone I decided to stay with and all my bags were packed). We didn't end up breaking up at this point.
So, fast forward to this year. She stopped doing a lot of the worse behaviors directly but we've still been fighting. My dad had been getting sicker and sicker- he already was pretty bad but he refused to see a doctor because my mom convinced him doctors are evil, the government made COVID in a lab!!!!, etc. It got to the point where he was slurring all his words, hallucinating, and unable to stand, and my mom called my out-of-state uncle who called an ambulance. I was, obviously, on my uncle's side, my mom was hysterical saying that the hospital is going to kill him and I'm with them, but my dad was stable at least. It turned out he had multiple small strokes. They did bloodwork and he's HIV+. They ended up diagnosing him with AIDs and dementia.
My relationship with my dad is very, very, very complicated. He was always the "better" parent but a horrible parent on his own. He'd agree with me in private but defend my mom whenever she was in the room, and as her mental health got worse he believed everything she told him. He used to tell me he'd leave her and take me with him, that he knew she was horrible and he never wanted her to do what she did to me, etc, but he still supported her. When things got bad between us he was a perpetrator as well. More recently he stopped trying to appeal to me at all and just entirely took her side on everything. I couldn't deal with any of it- I didn't have a room for a long, long time (I think until I was 15 or 16?) but as soon as I got one I just started locking myself in all day. I love my dad, but all he ever did was disappoint me. I couldn't bear to see him let himself get destroyed by my mom, and I just kind of decided not to- so this situation has been fucking me UP. He's currently fully conscious, my uncle flew over for a bit and had to fly back since he has kids but my dad fully took my mom's side, is refusing medications, etc. My mom and my uncle have been fighting over me constantly. I don't really want to do any of this shit but I have to, because as much as my dad let me down I don't want him to die. I was in the hospital all day and night for the first few days, I had to sleep on the benches in the emergency room waiting room since my dad was in a male room and they wouldn't allow me to stay past visiting hours. I was constantly pulling aside doctors and nurses and telling them to listen to me because my mom was trying to convince them he was just in there because he was "exhausted" or "wouldn't eat enough" and constantly lying about his condition. My uncle has good intentions but he's kind of heavy handed with certain stuff; he wants me to move in with him (I want to as well but you can imagine it's a tricky situation) and he always asks me to choose a side when they fight. My mom has been trying to convince me he's a rapist- I usually try to believe victims, but she also tried to tell me that I'm a prostitute, and she's definitely not a reliable person to listen to. I'm kind of just at an in-between where I don't believe her but I can't feel fully comfortable around him either since I have some bad past experiences surrounding that kind of thing.
About four days after my dad got hospitalized (?) and about a week and a half before my 19th birthday, my girlfriend texts me to tell me she's too exhausted to be with me anymore. The main reason was that I was constantly upset between the way the relationship was going and my dad being in the hospital. We worked something out but it's just been downhill since then, I can't be upset around her over anything without her turning it into a fight (literally while I am in the middle of crying, about how I get upset too much). As for the more recent weeks, she has completely stopped giving me ANYTHING- forget reassurance, she barely says I love you anymore, responds to long text messages with one sentence, etc. Her justification for this is that she feels unsafe with me. Her reasoning for this is:
She also told me today that I was bringing up her sexual trauma and that she's currently repulsed by the idea of sex altogether- I asked her why and she said it was because of the reasons I gave above. I'm at a loss. I'm clearly very fed up with this whole thing but I still am attached to her and love her a lot, and I definitely don't think I can go through a breakup right now with everything else going on in my life, even though you could argue it's like we already broke up. I really just don't know. It's been horrible watching her go from the perfect partner to this huge ball of insecurity and I don't know how to fix it nor how to let go. I don't have a lot of options, either- I've been almost completely socially isolated since I was a middle schooler, my parents pulled me out of public school and had me doing dual enrollment community college/homeschool. I don't have a strong support system at all, I can't get a therapist, I'm not allowed to get a job, the list just goes on and on and everything kind of just points to me being fucked
submitted by Chemical-Holiday-245 to offmychest [link] [comments]
I (19NB) have been with my girlfriend (20F) for about two and a half years; the relationship started out really well, both of us have prior trauma and struggle with mental health but we were kind of building off of each other for a long time. I went into it very emotionally constipated and as a horrific people pleaser; she went into it very insecure and super scared of me cheating. For the first year to year and a half it was a lot of lifting each other up, she'd reassure me that she'd listen to anything I needed and I reassured her that she would never have to worry about me cheating. There was more to it as well; at least on my side, I had a really bad eating disorder and she was the driving force for me to recover (she always reassured me that she liked my body, preferred for me to be healthy and that it didn't affect her perception of me, etc), was generally really sweet to me in the day-to-day, and was honestly everything I was looking for in a partner up until that point- I'm not someone that is attracted to people based on looks at all (either asexual spectrum or due to sexual trauma when I was a child- I'm also pretty sure I'm neurodivergent but never had the ability to get diagnosed; this will be important later) but she has been the one person I can really say I find attractive. I can think people look "cool" or "interesting" but she's genuinely so beautiful to me in a way that I've never felt for anyone else before. Personality-wise as well, she seemed perfect from the get-go- we always clicked in interactions, she'd reassure me without me asking for it and was interested in everything I had to say, etc. One big thing for me in the beginning was kind of silly but I feel like it's important for me to say; she plays games a lot, and every time we'd call each other and she'd get mad at whatever she was playing she would specifically lower her voice to talk to me. She could be halfway through yelling "what the fuck" at her computer but as soon as I said something to her she'd make herself sound as comforting as possible. This was a really big thing for me; my upbringing was very rough and both of my parents are prone to fits of anger (to the point of it getting physical very often) so I get very uncomfortable when people are visibly angry towards me. This is a big reason why I struggled with people-pleasing; as soon as someone gets upset with me I feel genuine terror, so I would try to avoid it as much as possible. I brought it up once and she said she didn't even realize she did it; the fact that she knew that about me and subconsciously made sure to try not to scare me was such a huge thing I loved about her. I was very used to people taking advantage of the fact that I was bad with boundaries, etc so having her act so comforting towards me with seemingly no ill intentions made me fall really deeply for her.
All of this changed last year- mostly in the summer but it kind of all started with her sleeping through our Valentines Day date. I couldn't even name everything she did but the main theme is that she let her insecurities get ahold of her. She would get upset with me over my clothing choices (stuff like shorts and a t-shirt in summer; it felt really reminiscent to victim blaming, like I must want sex if I wear shorts), literally just having friends, she'd snap at me all the time when she was slightly frustrated over her games (remember what I said earlier), literally anything became a reason for her to get horrifically angry at me. It was around this time that I decided to look into her prior dating history more and I learned pretty quickly that she used to be a serial cheater in different relationships (although her partners were really badly abusive and they cheated first, so I didn't think of it as a dealbreaker). She stopped reassuring me or speaking to me nicely, and also had a really big issue of doing things "back" (if I did anything that made her insecure, she'd do it 10x worse instead of talking to me about it). I mentioned having a side Reddit account once (this one) and she made a private Twitter and added all of her friends onto it except for me, and didn't tell me about it, just posted screenshots of it until I put 2 and 2 together. She also got upset after finding out that the person that groomed me is a trans girl (she's a trans girl too) and would ask me questions about whether I liked her (MY GROOMER!!!!!!!!) better. She'd do this stuff and then, when questioned about it, start agreeing with me and calling herself "undateable", etc, so I'd reassure her that she wasn't and ask her to "carry" the relationship for a bit since I thought she understood my side; by this I just meant being extra nice to me for a week or so (like when dudes get in a fight with their girlfriend and buy them flowers and talk to them more sweetly for awhile, not anything crazy), but I never really got that from her. Everything came to a head when she texted me saying she "couldn't do this anymore" and sent me a bunch of screenshots of her friendgroup telling her I was "just like her exes", "a master manipulator" etc. Their main reasons for the accusations were that I was "too secretive" (which I really don't think is true; I tend to want some baseline privacy in a relationship but she didn't even allow me that much- she'd join any public Discord servers I mentioned being in and told her I'd rather she didn't join on alts, etc, and even told me the stuff she'd find me saying wasn't bad and she was happy about it) and "accuse her of cheating too much", which.. Really. My side was honestly mostly just asking for reassurance since she completely stopped giving me it, her side was literally driving me to cut off all of my friends other than four people because I was scared she'd get upset with me again and also led to feel intense guilt for talking to. This whole thing also happened within a month of both my most recent suicide attempt (I had been going through a lot) and my parents wanting to kick me out (my mom is very mentally unwell and convinced herself that I had been prostituting myself- definitely not true to any degree. It got to the point where I had someone I decided to stay with and all my bags were packed). We didn't end up breaking up at this point.
So, fast forward to this year. She stopped doing a lot of the worse behaviors directly but we've still been fighting. My dad had been getting sicker and sicker- he already was pretty bad but he refused to see a doctor because my mom convinced him doctors are evil, the government made COVID in a lab!!!!, etc. It got to the point where he was slurring all his words, hallucinating, and unable to stand, and my mom called my out-of-state uncle who called an ambulance. I was, obviously, on my uncle's side, my mom was hysterical saying that the hospital is going to kill him and I'm with them, but my dad was stable at least. It turned out he had multiple small strokes. They did bloodwork and he's HIV+. They ended up diagnosing him with AIDs and dementia.
My relationship with my dad is very, very, very complicated. He was always the "better" parent but a horrible parent on his own. He'd agree with me in private but defend my mom whenever she was in the room, and as her mental health got worse he believed everything she told him. He used to tell me he'd leave her and take me with him, that he knew she was horrible and he never wanted her to do what she did to me, etc, but he still supported her. When things got bad between us he was a perpetrator as well. More recently he stopped trying to appeal to me at all and just entirely took her side on everything. I couldn't deal with any of it- I didn't have a room for a long, long time (I think until I was 15 or 16?) but as soon as I got one I just started locking myself in all day. I love my dad, but all he ever did was disappoint me. I couldn't bear to see him let himself get destroyed by my mom, and I just kind of decided not to- so this situation has been fucking me UP. He's currently fully conscious, my uncle flew over for a bit and had to fly back since he has kids but my dad fully took my mom's side, is refusing medications, etc. My mom and my uncle have been fighting over me constantly. I don't really want to do any of this shit but I have to, because as much as my dad let me down I don't want him to die. I was in the hospital all day and night for the first few days, I had to sleep on the benches in the emergency room waiting room since my dad was in a male room and they wouldn't allow me to stay past visiting hours. I was constantly pulling aside doctors and nurses and telling them to listen to me because my mom was trying to convince them he was just in there because he was "exhausted" or "wouldn't eat enough" and constantly lying about his condition. My uncle has good intentions but he's kind of heavy handed with certain stuff; he wants me to move in with him (I want to as well but you can imagine it's a tricky situation) and he always asks me to choose a side when they fight. My mom has been trying to convince me he's a rapist- I usually try to believe victims, but she also tried to tell me that I'm a prostitute, and she's definitely not a reliable person to listen to. I'm kind of just at an in-between where I don't believe her but I can't feel fully comfortable around him either since I have some bad past experiences surrounding that kind of thing.
About four days after my dad got hospitalized (?) and about a week and a half before my 19th birthday, my girlfriend texts me to tell me she's too exhausted to be with me anymore. The main reason was that I was constantly upset between the way the relationship was going and my dad being in the hospital. We worked something out but it's just been downhill since then, I can't be upset around her over anything without her turning it into a fight (literally while I am in the middle of crying, about how I get upset too much). As for the more recent weeks, she has completely stopped giving me ANYTHING- forget reassurance, she barely says I love you anymore, responds to long text messages with one sentence, etc. Her justification for this is that she feels unsafe with me. Her reasoning for this is:
- I have had a habit of liking posts that made her insecure. This is where the lack of looks-based attraction comes in. I tend to like posts without really thinking about it too much, and sometimes I like thirst traps without realizing, since I'm not someone that thirsts after people like that. If I see someone in a cool outfit dancing it's going to be hard for me to say "this is a thirst trap" because I'm not thinking about it like that, I'm just going to see it and think "wow, cool outfit" and like the post. Then she'll see it and get upset with me. This is something I've been working on and cut down to a large degree, but certain stuff gets past me (photoshoots with a set concept, etc). She has tried to tell me that I DO actually experience looks-based attraction, which is kind of crazy because I know what I experience so she can't convince me otherwise ??? I don't know. I've also told her to send me any post that I liked that makes her insecure so I can learn what I have to look out for better, but she doesn't really do that, and I can't really know what'll make her upset unless she tells me. This is also an issue that SHE HAS AS WELL
- She looked through one of my friend's followings and found a bunch of model's accounts, and says it's disrespectful that I "hang out with porn addicts". She plays Osu and is active in the community. Also has an issue with another one of my friends that I met on a Roblox bar game (she has worded it like I was literally giving out my contact at a real life bar, which I would understand being uncomfortable with, but dude it's literally Roblox). Also considers it a huge breach of trust that I mentioned getting gender envy from a Twitter mutual (I know how chronically online all of this sounds and I'm sorry). She'll ask me "isn't that a trans girl", "are they assigned male at birth" about my friends which is kind of just crazy? I don't know. I don't have a history of serially dating trans women or anything like that other than the groomer (which I don't think should count??????????) and I used to identify as lesbian for years- most of my exes are FTM and transitioned after dating me, which also shouldn't really matter??? I just think her fixation on me cheating on her with someone that's AMAB is kind of weird and unprompted
She also told me today that I was bringing up her sexual trauma and that she's currently repulsed by the idea of sex altogether- I asked her why and she said it was because of the reasons I gave above. I'm at a loss. I'm clearly very fed up with this whole thing but I still am attached to her and love her a lot, and I definitely don't think I can go through a breakup right now with everything else going on in my life, even though you could argue it's like we already broke up. I really just don't know. It's been horrible watching her go from the perfect partner to this huge ball of insecurity and I don't know how to fix it nor how to let go. I don't have a lot of options, either- I've been almost completely socially isolated since I was a middle schooler, my parents pulled me out of public school and had me doing dual enrollment community college/homeschool. I don't have a strong support system at all, I can't get a therapist, I'm not allowed to get a job, the list just goes on and on and everything kind of just points to me being fucked
2024.05.16 05:47 Mr_Soulful 34/EST/PC
I'm looking to expand the *collective* of people I game with so hopefully I meet some neat people.
About me: I live in the east coast but work evenings right now so I don't get off work until 10PM but usually not home until after midnight due to going to the gym so people from other countries or other side of the country isn't really an issue for me. I work a lot but when I’m not working I’m online playing something. I tend to give people an honest shot to game with me but if I message someone on 3 separate days where they are online and get no response I’ll just end up removing them.
Games I play: I will play pretty much anything. I'm trying to grind up in League of Legends (I main Nasus top). I have been feeling Project Zomboid again so I would love to have someone to play that with either in a coop game or find a server together. I have really been wanting to also play GTA:O (preferably not RP but would do RP too). Other games I've downloaded recently are PUBG, Helldivers 2, ARK, and 7 Days to Die. I also have a ton of games on steam so if you want to play something else I’m usually down and I'm not opposed to buying something if we would actually play it. The only real type of games I don’t play are strategy games or racing games.
If you are interested in playing something or just talking hit me up either here or on discord. My discord is soulful
submitted by Mr_Soulful to GamerPals [link] [comments]
About me: I live in the east coast but work evenings right now so I don't get off work until 10PM but usually not home until after midnight due to going to the gym so people from other countries or other side of the country isn't really an issue for me. I work a lot but when I’m not working I’m online playing something. I tend to give people an honest shot to game with me but if I message someone on 3 separate days where they are online and get no response I’ll just end up removing them.
Games I play: I will play pretty much anything. I'm trying to grind up in League of Legends (I main Nasus top). I have been feeling Project Zomboid again so I would love to have someone to play that with either in a coop game or find a server together. I have really been wanting to also play GTA:O (preferably not RP but would do RP too). Other games I've downloaded recently are PUBG, Helldivers 2, ARK, and 7 Days to Die. I also have a ton of games on steam so if you want to play something else I’m usually down and I'm not opposed to buying something if we would actually play it. The only real type of games I don’t play are strategy games or racing games.
If you are interested in playing something or just talking hit me up either here or on discord. My discord is soulful
2024.05.16 05:47 Careful-Wrap-6104 BEAR implant - an honest review
I know there isn’t much out (on reddit) for the BEAR implant and so adding my experience to the mix in case someone finds this helpful. I’m currently ~10 weeks post op, 26F and tore my ACL skiing (ACL only).
I was talked into getting a BEAR vs ACLR by a family member ortho surgeon (who does not do knees) - they thought the technology was awesome and a slow 6 weeks was worth it to keep your own ACL.
The first 4-6 weeks are very very slow. I was PWB mandatory for 4 weeks and did not get off crutches until 5. Then was still wearing the brace 24/7 until I felt comfortable without it around week 8. My extension was always 0° so no issues there, however, BEARs have been shown to be extremely stiff (and this was my experience too). Anything past 45° was a painful painful struggle. Getting to my end range of 120° now sends shooting 10/10 through the back of my knee and down my calf. Additionally, my knee is stiff to bend from 0° to 120°, so it’s not like it’s gotten used to doing all those other degrees everyday.
The stiffness and struggles with flexion with BEAR is certainly not the case for all, but for many this has been shown to be an issue (from talking to my PT and anecdotally). I was not at all prepared for the severe level of pain I would need to be in everyday now going on 10 weeks. I wish somebody had given me the full story before I made this decision so hoping this is helpful context to someone out there!
There are pros and cons to each graft method of course, just be prepared if you choose BEAR you may have more trouble than ACLR getting flexion back.
submitted by Careful-Wrap-6104 to ACL [link] [comments]
I was talked into getting a BEAR vs ACLR by a family member ortho surgeon (who does not do knees) - they thought the technology was awesome and a slow 6 weeks was worth it to keep your own ACL.
The first 4-6 weeks are very very slow. I was PWB mandatory for 4 weeks and did not get off crutches until 5. Then was still wearing the brace 24/7 until I felt comfortable without it around week 8. My extension was always 0° so no issues there, however, BEARs have been shown to be extremely stiff (and this was my experience too). Anything past 45° was a painful painful struggle. Getting to my end range of 120° now sends shooting 10/10 through the back of my knee and down my calf. Additionally, my knee is stiff to bend from 0° to 120°, so it’s not like it’s gotten used to doing all those other degrees everyday.
The stiffness and struggles with flexion with BEAR is certainly not the case for all, but for many this has been shown to be an issue (from talking to my PT and anecdotally). I was not at all prepared for the severe level of pain I would need to be in everyday now going on 10 weeks. I wish somebody had given me the full story before I made this decision so hoping this is helpful context to someone out there!
There are pros and cons to each graft method of course, just be prepared if you choose BEAR you may have more trouble than ACLR getting flexion back.
2024.05.16 05:47 woodlynd831 Huge crush on someone I can’t have
I feel that this is a common problem that many people face. Working with fellow humans in a professional setting doesn’t guarantee that those humans will only see each other professionally.
Well, as the title says, I have a huge crush on someone I can’t have. He started at my organization about a year and a half ago and he’s just so great. He has a lovely wife and children that he loves very much. The thing is, even if he did feel a connection with me and tried to pursue anything, I’d immediately be disappointed that he’d actually betray his family. Ultimately, I believe I’d lose respect for him. My point is that, although I have a huge crush on him, I don’t want anything to actually happen given his situation. I just need to get these feelings off of my chest and “out there.” My best friend knows. Another friend, when super drunk one time, mentioned that he and I will end up together eventually and I was just so thrown off because I never mentioned liking him to her. I have a close friend at work who tells me a lot of personal things and I’ve come close to getting this off of my chest to her, but I’ve been super hesitant to. She’s married and I don’t want her to get the wrong idea. I have a gut feeling that she kinda knows, though, given how I talk about him. I find myself cringing when I bring him up because it feels obvious. However, we work at a relatively small place and my immediate branch, in which I work with my crush, consists of three of us and our couple of bosses. I’ve never had a crush on any of my other colleagues like this in the 10 years I’ve worked there. I’ve found some coworkers cute but that’s about it.
As mentioned, he started a year and a half ago (ish). When he was introduced via email, I didn’t think of him much and was busy with my own stuff. I actually went on multiple vacations around the time he started so I didn’t meet him in person until actually a couple of months in. I did attend a virtual meeting he was in before meeting in person and had that “oh, fuck” thought. Like “I am fucked” lol. He is exactly my preference looks-wise and felt that it might be a problem even then. Moving on to meeting in person and showing him around, I was immediately taken aback by how attracted I actually was to him. It was so much more intense in person. I should mention he’s about a decade older than me (I’m 33F) and was a professor. Also completely my type as I’ve always been the college student crushing on some teachers a bit. So, not only is this man my preference looks-wise (brunette, hairy, kinda short, curly hair), but also my preference personality-wise . I’m just glad he had Invisalign because I saw pics of him prior to getting it and he had the cutest slight snaggletooth and fangs that would’ve additionally melted me.
Not only does he have the looks I’m attracted to, which only means so much to me as the impact dissipates pretty quickly when that’s all that’s there, but we get along swimmingly. For context, we do end up traveling together on long car rides. Not constantly but also not infrequently. We end up talking a lot and about personal things. He’s confided in me about going through crying spells and feeling overwhelmed with life, about having adhd (as do i), and family stuff (his parents). Those are just some topics. I’ve divulged… a lot. He wants to protect me when going places. I believe he’s just genuinely an amazing person and would do this for anyone. I have zero idea if he has any attraction to me and I don’t need to know. I do have a gut feeling that he feels a connection to me, though. There are plenty of other people he can ask for help from, but constantly comes to me first. We work really, really well together. We presented at the same conference recently and a colleague in a different department specifically commented on he and I being great presenters. I do not feel this way about myself but wanted to share the kind words said about him. He was very appreciative and also was a bit flabbergasted that I didn’t feel I’m good at presenting and complimented me and provided reassurance I wasn’t expecting.
We also mutually got in trouble (but not really) for pulling a small prank on other coworkers. That’s a long story that would provide too much identifiable information, but it ended with my boss giggling about it. It was my crush’s idea to pull the prank which spoke to my heart as a bit of a jester myself.
I think i struggle the most with keeping it a secret. I might be obvious in my attraction but not sure. I really hope to feel this strong attraction and connection with someone available sometime. I sometimes want to cry when he does or says something endearing or awkward because the cute aggression can feel overwhelming. It’s also partly because of the pent-up feelings/energy have nowhere to really go, hence why I am here. I have no idea what to expect, if anything, in the replies.
TLDR; I have a huge secret crush on coworker that is happily married. I don’t want anything to happen given his commitments but find myself with pent-up feelings. I am so happy to love people i work with, but it feels as if there’s more there that can’t be expressed. I would lose respect for him if he were to ever make a move while married yet I feel the way I do. I am posting here to release some of these thoughts and energy.
submitted by woodlynd831 to offmychest [link] [comments]
Well, as the title says, I have a huge crush on someone I can’t have. He started at my organization about a year and a half ago and he’s just so great. He has a lovely wife and children that he loves very much. The thing is, even if he did feel a connection with me and tried to pursue anything, I’d immediately be disappointed that he’d actually betray his family. Ultimately, I believe I’d lose respect for him. My point is that, although I have a huge crush on him, I don’t want anything to actually happen given his situation. I just need to get these feelings off of my chest and “out there.” My best friend knows. Another friend, when super drunk one time, mentioned that he and I will end up together eventually and I was just so thrown off because I never mentioned liking him to her. I have a close friend at work who tells me a lot of personal things and I’ve come close to getting this off of my chest to her, but I’ve been super hesitant to. She’s married and I don’t want her to get the wrong idea. I have a gut feeling that she kinda knows, though, given how I talk about him. I find myself cringing when I bring him up because it feels obvious. However, we work at a relatively small place and my immediate branch, in which I work with my crush, consists of three of us and our couple of bosses. I’ve never had a crush on any of my other colleagues like this in the 10 years I’ve worked there. I’ve found some coworkers cute but that’s about it.
As mentioned, he started a year and a half ago (ish). When he was introduced via email, I didn’t think of him much and was busy with my own stuff. I actually went on multiple vacations around the time he started so I didn’t meet him in person until actually a couple of months in. I did attend a virtual meeting he was in before meeting in person and had that “oh, fuck” thought. Like “I am fucked” lol. He is exactly my preference looks-wise and felt that it might be a problem even then. Moving on to meeting in person and showing him around, I was immediately taken aback by how attracted I actually was to him. It was so much more intense in person. I should mention he’s about a decade older than me (I’m 33F) and was a professor. Also completely my type as I’ve always been the college student crushing on some teachers a bit. So, not only is this man my preference looks-wise (brunette, hairy, kinda short, curly hair), but also my preference personality-wise . I’m just glad he had Invisalign because I saw pics of him prior to getting it and he had the cutest slight snaggletooth and fangs that would’ve additionally melted me.
Not only does he have the looks I’m attracted to, which only means so much to me as the impact dissipates pretty quickly when that’s all that’s there, but we get along swimmingly. For context, we do end up traveling together on long car rides. Not constantly but also not infrequently. We end up talking a lot and about personal things. He’s confided in me about going through crying spells and feeling overwhelmed with life, about having adhd (as do i), and family stuff (his parents). Those are just some topics. I’ve divulged… a lot. He wants to protect me when going places. I believe he’s just genuinely an amazing person and would do this for anyone. I have zero idea if he has any attraction to me and I don’t need to know. I do have a gut feeling that he feels a connection to me, though. There are plenty of other people he can ask for help from, but constantly comes to me first. We work really, really well together. We presented at the same conference recently and a colleague in a different department specifically commented on he and I being great presenters. I do not feel this way about myself but wanted to share the kind words said about him. He was very appreciative and also was a bit flabbergasted that I didn’t feel I’m good at presenting and complimented me and provided reassurance I wasn’t expecting.
We also mutually got in trouble (but not really) for pulling a small prank on other coworkers. That’s a long story that would provide too much identifiable information, but it ended with my boss giggling about it. It was my crush’s idea to pull the prank which spoke to my heart as a bit of a jester myself.
I think i struggle the most with keeping it a secret. I might be obvious in my attraction but not sure. I really hope to feel this strong attraction and connection with someone available sometime. I sometimes want to cry when he does or says something endearing or awkward because the cute aggression can feel overwhelming. It’s also partly because of the pent-up feelings/energy have nowhere to really go, hence why I am here. I have no idea what to expect, if anything, in the replies.
TLDR; I have a huge secret crush on coworker that is happily married. I don’t want anything to happen given his commitments but find myself with pent-up feelings. I am so happy to love people i work with, but it feels as if there’s more there that can’t be expressed. I would lose respect for him if he were to ever make a move while married yet I feel the way I do. I am posting here to release some of these thoughts and energy.
2024.05.16 05:46 Court152344777 Drama
Well, I didn’t think things would come this far or have to be like this. I want to start off by saying that I am not perfect, I do make plenty of mistakes and i will continue to make mistakes. I’m writing this because a coworker of mine decided to make a post about me and completely lied.
I work for Jo-Ann fabrics and I love it, I love the atmosphere and I love the people- the customers and coworkers. Well, except one. For privacy I will call her Regina because she acts like work is the mean girls movie. I started working for this company October of 2023, I was hired in as the full time key holder. I do have a four year old that goes to school and due to kids having germs my daughter was sick a lot so I did have to call in, I don’t have much help babysitter wise so I HAD to stay home to take care of her. I didn’t call in every other day it was like twice every so often. Regina didn’t like that and resented me for choosing to take care of my daughter rather than work, so she told our boss that she should have the position because she doesn’t have a kid and would be available more. Our boss talked to me so I sacrificed the position so she could have it, now I’m not mad, upset or jealous that I don’t have the full time position it’s just hard to make a living working part time hours only making 10.55 an hour. If I knew what was to come I would have NEVER sacrificed the full time position. I do have a steady babysitter now so I’m working as much as I can so I can provide for my daughters need, kids are expensive and my daughters birthday is coming up so I asked for extra hours.
Days after Regina and I switched positions she started to act like she was made out of gold, like a golden child would. She would ALWAYS rub it in my face that she now was the full time key holder and always bragged how much more an hour she makes. She would ask all of our coworkers what their pay was and then would tell them how much she makes. I don’t care how much she makes, though higher pay would make my living situation easier. I grew up poor so I already adapted to a life of poverty and I’m honestly okay with it, sometimes it’s harder than other times but I make it work with what I have. Money to me is just paper, I can’t take it to the grave with me. Regina stoped me in the back room and said “I hope your not mad” I asked “why would I be mad” Regina replied with “because I make way more money than you” I smiled “well, I honestly don’t care. I couldn’t care less about money” Regina’s face got sour and cold because she knew she wasn’t getting under my skin. She replied with “oh, I thought you were”. I chuckled and said “no” and continued what I was doing.
Some time goes where nothing was happening but I could feel that something was brewing. It was the calm before the storm is what I’d call it. Now around this time I was going through a break up and was not feeling the best in my own skin and Regina knew this and used it as her ammunition. She started to call me her fat friend and then gave me hugs, I felt awkward because I do not like to be touched due to some very tramatic events . I’m bigger, I’m not skinny but I’m also not severely obese. Regina started to poke me and grab my fat and jiggle it. The first time she did, it was in front of two other female coworkers. They weren’t nice either, I’ll call them Gretchen and Karen, they were all in on this. When Regina grabbed my fat and giggled it Gretchen and Karen watched and laughed. I asked Regina “what are you doing” she responded with “I just wanted to feel how squishy it is”. Me being a non confrontational person I say “oh, don’t do that” still being nice and smiling, though I felt what was left of my self esteem completely shatter. I brushed it off and walked up to where all three of the mean girls were to ask a question about work since I was the only one doing something. Before I could even ask the question Gretchen goes behind me, makes a fist and lightly punched my back fat making it jiggle. All the girls laugh, I could feel my face getting hot and tears forming in my eyes as my heart sank to my stomach. I went to the bathroom for a moment to gather myself. This would go one for weeks, and every time it happened I would ask her to stop or to leave me be, each time she disregarded what I asked. During this time she would tell every coworker that I was a bad worker, I didn’t do what I was supposed to and if I did I would do a horrible job. There are so many other things she has said to others one that hurt the most was her saying it was annoying that I talk about my daughter so much. Now this whole time I thought we were friends, I’m a very forgiving person and I’m super nice even to people who don’t deserve it so when I heard about everything she was saying I was hurt I was so confused because she even asked to be my daughters god mother though she was never in my daughters life. I know friends don’t treat friends like that but I was just happy I could call someone a friend after years of having no one due to becoming a mom and losing myself in motherhood. I call my kindness and willingness to forgive a blessing and a curse because it truly is.
After finding out about everything she was saying, the drama and the physical touching which is actually bulling and harassment I finally went to my boss. It took me almost two months to tell her what was going on and how I felt. I hated every second explaining the torment to her, my boss is a lovey person and is super sweet. I couldn’t imagine how she felt hearing all of this, I truly felt like I was going to puke. I was so uncomfortable I couldn’t bear to work any longer without the help of my boss. My boss did talk to Regina and she said that she seems like she will be better and will stop the nonsense. A day after she was talked to Regina poked my back fat and laughed, she was shocked at how I responded. This time I wasn’t nice I turned to her and pretty much yelled “don’t touch me” she immediately apologized. I was surprised with how I responded as well, I actually stood up for myself and it felt nice. I did tell my boss she touched me again so Regina was talked to again and was extremely pissed. She started acting really passive aggressive, avoiding me and slamming things and being rude to everyone even customers. Me, being the nice person I am I decided that I would forgive her. Dumb of me, I know. I wrote her a four or five page letter explaining how everything made me feel , how bad of a friend she was and that I would teach her how to be a good friend. I even bought her a candle and some other stuff along with the letter I went as far as going over to her house to help her clean. She cried a lot when she read the letter and cried to me saying how bad of a friend she was, I hugged her back and said that it was okay and I forgive her. After that is was okay for a while until I witnessed her take drinks without paying for them and told my boss. After this, it was like a war.
I have never gotten in trouble with anyone, anywhere with anything, I guess I’m a goodie-two-shoes. Though I do have anger problems I have found ways to cope and deal with my anger, I’ve been working really hard to not get angry at Regina even though she deserves to hear what the mama bear side of me wants to say. I want to be gentle, I want to be nice and forgiving, I don’t want to be angry. But I knew I had to set some sturdy boundaries in order to keep my sanity. These past few weeks have been hell, in summary I caught her talking bad about me to my boss, she was lying about me, blaming me and others for things we didn’t do. With one situation in particular she turned the tables , when hearing this my adrenaline started to course through my veins, I stared to shake so bad. I went up to her and told her that was not how the story went. She got so scared seeing me so mad and shaking. She apologized to our boss for lying but not to me, my other coworker helped me calm down and thank god she did because I was going to quit right there and then. To summarize other things she has done I will just list them -tried to frame another coworker for theft to the point the coworker cried to our boss -tried to take credit for the work I did -talks bad about other managers and workers in other stores -gave out the phone numbers and emails of our hr and of our boss’s boss -made me work off the clock to train new people because she didn’t want to train them -purposely trained me wrong and is hesitant with teaching me new things to the point my boss has to and when I learn she gets mad and jealous because she’s threatened by my work ethic -yelled at me in front of a customer to the point the customer came back to complain about Regina to our boss and another coworker
And so many more but, the most recent is her blaming me for not locking the doors at close when it was her that didn’t do it correctly, the alarm company called my boss at night and the cops came to our Joanns and everything. I have several eye witnesses watch her do it. I told my boss to watch the cameras because I have nothing to lie about and Regina still is trying to blame me. This is where I draw the line, I will not forgive her so easily this time. Forgiveness without changed behavior is just manipulation. I am not the only one who has complained about her, many of our coworker have switched their availability to when I work or when my boss works because they don’t want to deal with Regina. Tension is very high and I’m afraid of what is to come.
submitted by Court152344777 to joannfabrics [link] [comments]
I work for Jo-Ann fabrics and I love it, I love the atmosphere and I love the people- the customers and coworkers. Well, except one. For privacy I will call her Regina because she acts like work is the mean girls movie. I started working for this company October of 2023, I was hired in as the full time key holder. I do have a four year old that goes to school and due to kids having germs my daughter was sick a lot so I did have to call in, I don’t have much help babysitter wise so I HAD to stay home to take care of her. I didn’t call in every other day it was like twice every so often. Regina didn’t like that and resented me for choosing to take care of my daughter rather than work, so she told our boss that she should have the position because she doesn’t have a kid and would be available more. Our boss talked to me so I sacrificed the position so she could have it, now I’m not mad, upset or jealous that I don’t have the full time position it’s just hard to make a living working part time hours only making 10.55 an hour. If I knew what was to come I would have NEVER sacrificed the full time position. I do have a steady babysitter now so I’m working as much as I can so I can provide for my daughters need, kids are expensive and my daughters birthday is coming up so I asked for extra hours.
Days after Regina and I switched positions she started to act like she was made out of gold, like a golden child would. She would ALWAYS rub it in my face that she now was the full time key holder and always bragged how much more an hour she makes. She would ask all of our coworkers what their pay was and then would tell them how much she makes. I don’t care how much she makes, though higher pay would make my living situation easier. I grew up poor so I already adapted to a life of poverty and I’m honestly okay with it, sometimes it’s harder than other times but I make it work with what I have. Money to me is just paper, I can’t take it to the grave with me. Regina stoped me in the back room and said “I hope your not mad” I asked “why would I be mad” Regina replied with “because I make way more money than you” I smiled “well, I honestly don’t care. I couldn’t care less about money” Regina’s face got sour and cold because she knew she wasn’t getting under my skin. She replied with “oh, I thought you were”. I chuckled and said “no” and continued what I was doing.
Some time goes where nothing was happening but I could feel that something was brewing. It was the calm before the storm is what I’d call it. Now around this time I was going through a break up and was not feeling the best in my own skin and Regina knew this and used it as her ammunition. She started to call me her fat friend and then gave me hugs, I felt awkward because I do not like to be touched due to some very tramatic events . I’m bigger, I’m not skinny but I’m also not severely obese. Regina started to poke me and grab my fat and jiggle it. The first time she did, it was in front of two other female coworkers. They weren’t nice either, I’ll call them Gretchen and Karen, they were all in on this. When Regina grabbed my fat and giggled it Gretchen and Karen watched and laughed. I asked Regina “what are you doing” she responded with “I just wanted to feel how squishy it is”. Me being a non confrontational person I say “oh, don’t do that” still being nice and smiling, though I felt what was left of my self esteem completely shatter. I brushed it off and walked up to where all three of the mean girls were to ask a question about work since I was the only one doing something. Before I could even ask the question Gretchen goes behind me, makes a fist and lightly punched my back fat making it jiggle. All the girls laugh, I could feel my face getting hot and tears forming in my eyes as my heart sank to my stomach. I went to the bathroom for a moment to gather myself. This would go one for weeks, and every time it happened I would ask her to stop or to leave me be, each time she disregarded what I asked. During this time she would tell every coworker that I was a bad worker, I didn’t do what I was supposed to and if I did I would do a horrible job. There are so many other things she has said to others one that hurt the most was her saying it was annoying that I talk about my daughter so much. Now this whole time I thought we were friends, I’m a very forgiving person and I’m super nice even to people who don’t deserve it so when I heard about everything she was saying I was hurt I was so confused because she even asked to be my daughters god mother though she was never in my daughters life. I know friends don’t treat friends like that but I was just happy I could call someone a friend after years of having no one due to becoming a mom and losing myself in motherhood. I call my kindness and willingness to forgive a blessing and a curse because it truly is.
After finding out about everything she was saying, the drama and the physical touching which is actually bulling and harassment I finally went to my boss. It took me almost two months to tell her what was going on and how I felt. I hated every second explaining the torment to her, my boss is a lovey person and is super sweet. I couldn’t imagine how she felt hearing all of this, I truly felt like I was going to puke. I was so uncomfortable I couldn’t bear to work any longer without the help of my boss. My boss did talk to Regina and she said that she seems like she will be better and will stop the nonsense. A day after she was talked to Regina poked my back fat and laughed, she was shocked at how I responded. This time I wasn’t nice I turned to her and pretty much yelled “don’t touch me” she immediately apologized. I was surprised with how I responded as well, I actually stood up for myself and it felt nice. I did tell my boss she touched me again so Regina was talked to again and was extremely pissed. She started acting really passive aggressive, avoiding me and slamming things and being rude to everyone even customers. Me, being the nice person I am I decided that I would forgive her. Dumb of me, I know. I wrote her a four or five page letter explaining how everything made me feel , how bad of a friend she was and that I would teach her how to be a good friend. I even bought her a candle and some other stuff along with the letter I went as far as going over to her house to help her clean. She cried a lot when she read the letter and cried to me saying how bad of a friend she was, I hugged her back and said that it was okay and I forgive her. After that is was okay for a while until I witnessed her take drinks without paying for them and told my boss. After this, it was like a war.
I have never gotten in trouble with anyone, anywhere with anything, I guess I’m a goodie-two-shoes. Though I do have anger problems I have found ways to cope and deal with my anger, I’ve been working really hard to not get angry at Regina even though she deserves to hear what the mama bear side of me wants to say. I want to be gentle, I want to be nice and forgiving, I don’t want to be angry. But I knew I had to set some sturdy boundaries in order to keep my sanity. These past few weeks have been hell, in summary I caught her talking bad about me to my boss, she was lying about me, blaming me and others for things we didn’t do. With one situation in particular she turned the tables , when hearing this my adrenaline started to course through my veins, I stared to shake so bad. I went up to her and told her that was not how the story went. She got so scared seeing me so mad and shaking. She apologized to our boss for lying but not to me, my other coworker helped me calm down and thank god she did because I was going to quit right there and then. To summarize other things she has done I will just list them -tried to frame another coworker for theft to the point the coworker cried to our boss -tried to take credit for the work I did -talks bad about other managers and workers in other stores -gave out the phone numbers and emails of our hr and of our boss’s boss -made me work off the clock to train new people because she didn’t want to train them -purposely trained me wrong and is hesitant with teaching me new things to the point my boss has to and when I learn she gets mad and jealous because she’s threatened by my work ethic -yelled at me in front of a customer to the point the customer came back to complain about Regina to our boss and another coworker
And so many more but, the most recent is her blaming me for not locking the doors at close when it was her that didn’t do it correctly, the alarm company called my boss at night and the cops came to our Joanns and everything. I have several eye witnesses watch her do it. I told my boss to watch the cameras because I have nothing to lie about and Regina still is trying to blame me. This is where I draw the line, I will not forgive her so easily this time. Forgiveness without changed behavior is just manipulation. I am not the only one who has complained about her, many of our coworker have switched their availability to when I work or when my boss works because they don’t want to deal with Regina. Tension is very high and I’m afraid of what is to come.
2024.05.16 05:45 Court152344777 Entitled coworker plays victim
Well, I didn’t think things would come this far or have to be like this. I want to start off by saying that I am not perfect, I do make plenty of mistakes and i will continue to make mistakes. I’m writing this because a coworker of mine decided to make a post about me and completely lied.
I work for Jo-Ann fabrics and I love it, I love the atmosphere and I love the people- the customers and coworkers. Well, except one. For privacy I will call her Regina because she acts like work is the mean girls movie. I started working for this company October of 2023, I was hired in as the full time key holder. I do have a four year old that goes to school and due to kids having germs my daughter was sick a lot so I did have to call in, I don’t have much help babysitter wise so I HAD to stay home to take care of her. I didn’t call in every other day it was like twice every so often. Regina didn’t like that and resented me for choosing to take care of my daughter rather than work, so she told our boss that she should have the position because she doesn’t have a kid and would be available more. Our boss talked to me so I sacrificed the position so she could have it, now I’m not mad, upset or jealous that I don’t have the full time position it’s just hard to make a living working part time hours only making 10.55 an hour. If I knew what was to come I would have NEVER sacrificed the full time position. I do have a steady babysitter now so I’m working as much as I can so I can provide for my daughters need, kids are expensive and my daughters birthday is coming up so I asked for extra hours.
Days after Regina and I switched positions she started to act like she was made out of gold, like a golden child would. She would ALWAYS rub it in my face that she now was the full time key holder and always bragged how much more an hour she makes. She would ask all of our coworkers what their pay was and then would tell them how much she makes. I don’t care how much she makes, though higher pay would make my living situation easier. I grew up poor so I already adapted to a life of poverty and I’m honestly okay with it, sometimes it’s harder than other times but I make it work with what I have. Money to me is just paper, I can’t take it to the grave with me. Regina stoped me in the back room and said “I hope your not mad” I asked “why would I be mad” Regina replied with “because I make way more money than you” I smiled “well, I honestly don’t care. I couldn’t care less about money” Regina’s face got sour and cold because she knew she wasn’t getting under my skin. She replied with “oh, I thought you were”. I chuckled and said “no” and continued what I was doing.
Some time goes where nothing was happening but I could feel that something was brewing. It was the calm before the storm is what I’d call it. Now around this time I was going through a break up and was not feeling the best in my own skin and Regina knew this and used it as her ammunition. She started to call me her fat friend and then gave me hugs, I felt awkward because I do not like to be touched due to some very tramatic events . I’m bigger, I’m not skinny but I’m also not severely obese. Regina started to poke me and grab my fat and jiggle it. The first time she did, it was in front of two other female coworkers. They weren’t nice either, I’ll call them Gretchen and Karen, they were all in on this. When Regina grabbed my fat and giggled it Gretchen and Karen watched and laughed. I asked Regina “what are you doing” she responded with “I just wanted to feel how squishy it is”. Me being a non confrontational person I say “oh, don’t do that” still being nice and smiling, though I felt what was left of my self esteem completely shatter. I brushed it off and walked up to where all three of the mean girls were to ask a question about work since I was the only one doing something. Before I could even ask the question Gretchen goes behind me, makes a fist and lightly punched my back fat making it jiggle. All the girls laugh, I could feel my face getting hot and tears forming in my eyes as my heart sank to my stomach. I went to the bathroom for a moment to gather myself. This would go one for weeks, and every time it happened I would ask her to stop or to leave me be, each time she disregarded what I asked. During this time she would tell every coworker that I was a bad worker, I didn’t do what I was supposed to and if I did I would do a horrible job. There are so many other things she has said to others one that hurt the most was her saying it was annoying that I talk about my daughter so much. Now this whole time I thought we were friends, I’m a very forgiving person and I’m super nice even to people who don’t deserve it so when I heard about everything she was saying I was hurt I was so confused because she even asked to be my daughters god mother though she was never in my daughters life. I know friends don’t treat friends like that but I was just happy I could call someone a friend after years of having no one due to becoming a mom and losing myself in motherhood. I call my kindness and willingness to forgive a blessing and a curse because it truly is.
After finding out about everything she was saying, the drama and the physical touching which is actually bulling and harassment I finally went to my boss. It took me almost two months to tell her what was going on and how I felt. I hated every second explaining the torment to her, my boss is a lovey person and is super sweet. I couldn’t imagine how she felt hearing all of this, I truly felt like I was going to puke. I was so uncomfortable I couldn’t bear to work any longer without the help of my boss. My boss did talk to Regina and she said that she seems like she will be better and will stop the nonsense. A day after she was talked to Regina poked my back fat and laughed, she was shocked at how I responded. This time I wasn’t nice I turned to her and pretty much yelled “don’t touch me” she immediately apologized. I was surprised with how I responded as well, I actually stood up for myself and it felt nice. I did tell my boss she touched me again so Regina was talked to again and was extremely pissed. She started acting really passive aggressive, avoiding me and slamming things and being rude to everyone even customers. Me, being the nice person I am I decided that I would forgive her. Dumb of me, I know. I wrote her a four or five page letter explaining how everything made me feel , how bad of a friend she was and that I would teach her how to be a good friend. I even bought her a candle and some other stuff along with the letter I went as far as going over to her house to help her clean. She cried a lot when she read the letter and cried to me saying how bad of a friend she was, I hugged her back and said that it was okay and I forgive her. After that is was okay for a while until I witnessed her take drinks without paying for them and told my boss. After this, it was like a war.
I have never gotten in trouble with anyone, anywhere with anything, I guess I’m a goodie-two-shoes. Though I do have anger problems I have found ways to cope and deal with my anger, I’ve been working really hard to not get angry at Regina even though she deserves to hear what the mama bear side of me wants to say. I want to be gentle, I want to be nice and forgiving, I don’t want to be angry. But I knew I had to set some sturdy boundaries in order to keep my sanity. These past few weeks have been hell, in summary I caught her talking bad about me to my boss, she was lying about me, blaming me and others for things we didn’t do. With one situation in particular she turned the tables , when hearing this my adrenaline started to course through my veins, I stared to shake so bad. I went up to her and told her that was not how the story went. She got so scared seeing me so mad and shaking. She apologized to our boss for lying but not to me, my other coworker helped me calm down and thank god she did because I was going to quit right there and then. To summarize other things she has done I will just list them -tried to frame another coworker for theft to the point the coworker cried to our boss -tried to take credit for the work I did -talks bad about other managers and workers in other stores -gave out the phone numbers and emails of our hr and of our boss’s boss -made me work off the clock to train new people because she didn’t want to train them -purposely trained me wrong and is hesitant with teaching me new things to the point my boss has to and when I learn she gets mad and jealous because she’s threatened by my work ethic -yelled at me in front of a customer to the point the customer came back to complain about Regina to our boss and another coworker
And so many more but, the most recent is her blaming me for not locking the doors at close when it was her that didn’t do it correctly, the alarm company called my boss at night and the cops came to our Joanns and everything. I have several eye witnesses watch her do it. I told my boss to watch the cameras because I have nothing to lie about and Regina still is trying to blame me. This is where I draw the line, I will not forgive her so easily this time. Forgiveness without changed behavior is just manipulation. I am not the only one who has complained about her, many of our coworker have switched their availability to when I work or when my boss works because they don’t want to deal with Regina. Tension is very high and I’m afraid of what is to come.
submitted by Court152344777 to u/Court152344777 [link] [comments]
I work for Jo-Ann fabrics and I love it, I love the atmosphere and I love the people- the customers and coworkers. Well, except one. For privacy I will call her Regina because she acts like work is the mean girls movie. I started working for this company October of 2023, I was hired in as the full time key holder. I do have a four year old that goes to school and due to kids having germs my daughter was sick a lot so I did have to call in, I don’t have much help babysitter wise so I HAD to stay home to take care of her. I didn’t call in every other day it was like twice every so often. Regina didn’t like that and resented me for choosing to take care of my daughter rather than work, so she told our boss that she should have the position because she doesn’t have a kid and would be available more. Our boss talked to me so I sacrificed the position so she could have it, now I’m not mad, upset or jealous that I don’t have the full time position it’s just hard to make a living working part time hours only making 10.55 an hour. If I knew what was to come I would have NEVER sacrificed the full time position. I do have a steady babysitter now so I’m working as much as I can so I can provide for my daughters need, kids are expensive and my daughters birthday is coming up so I asked for extra hours.
Days after Regina and I switched positions she started to act like she was made out of gold, like a golden child would. She would ALWAYS rub it in my face that she now was the full time key holder and always bragged how much more an hour she makes. She would ask all of our coworkers what their pay was and then would tell them how much she makes. I don’t care how much she makes, though higher pay would make my living situation easier. I grew up poor so I already adapted to a life of poverty and I’m honestly okay with it, sometimes it’s harder than other times but I make it work with what I have. Money to me is just paper, I can’t take it to the grave with me. Regina stoped me in the back room and said “I hope your not mad” I asked “why would I be mad” Regina replied with “because I make way more money than you” I smiled “well, I honestly don’t care. I couldn’t care less about money” Regina’s face got sour and cold because she knew she wasn’t getting under my skin. She replied with “oh, I thought you were”. I chuckled and said “no” and continued what I was doing.
Some time goes where nothing was happening but I could feel that something was brewing. It was the calm before the storm is what I’d call it. Now around this time I was going through a break up and was not feeling the best in my own skin and Regina knew this and used it as her ammunition. She started to call me her fat friend and then gave me hugs, I felt awkward because I do not like to be touched due to some very tramatic events . I’m bigger, I’m not skinny but I’m also not severely obese. Regina started to poke me and grab my fat and jiggle it. The first time she did, it was in front of two other female coworkers. They weren’t nice either, I’ll call them Gretchen and Karen, they were all in on this. When Regina grabbed my fat and giggled it Gretchen and Karen watched and laughed. I asked Regina “what are you doing” she responded with “I just wanted to feel how squishy it is”. Me being a non confrontational person I say “oh, don’t do that” still being nice and smiling, though I felt what was left of my self esteem completely shatter. I brushed it off and walked up to where all three of the mean girls were to ask a question about work since I was the only one doing something. Before I could even ask the question Gretchen goes behind me, makes a fist and lightly punched my back fat making it jiggle. All the girls laugh, I could feel my face getting hot and tears forming in my eyes as my heart sank to my stomach. I went to the bathroom for a moment to gather myself. This would go one for weeks, and every time it happened I would ask her to stop or to leave me be, each time she disregarded what I asked. During this time she would tell every coworker that I was a bad worker, I didn’t do what I was supposed to and if I did I would do a horrible job. There are so many other things she has said to others one that hurt the most was her saying it was annoying that I talk about my daughter so much. Now this whole time I thought we were friends, I’m a very forgiving person and I’m super nice even to people who don’t deserve it so when I heard about everything she was saying I was hurt I was so confused because she even asked to be my daughters god mother though she was never in my daughters life. I know friends don’t treat friends like that but I was just happy I could call someone a friend after years of having no one due to becoming a mom and losing myself in motherhood. I call my kindness and willingness to forgive a blessing and a curse because it truly is.
After finding out about everything she was saying, the drama and the physical touching which is actually bulling and harassment I finally went to my boss. It took me almost two months to tell her what was going on and how I felt. I hated every second explaining the torment to her, my boss is a lovey person and is super sweet. I couldn’t imagine how she felt hearing all of this, I truly felt like I was going to puke. I was so uncomfortable I couldn’t bear to work any longer without the help of my boss. My boss did talk to Regina and she said that she seems like she will be better and will stop the nonsense. A day after she was talked to Regina poked my back fat and laughed, she was shocked at how I responded. This time I wasn’t nice I turned to her and pretty much yelled “don’t touch me” she immediately apologized. I was surprised with how I responded as well, I actually stood up for myself and it felt nice. I did tell my boss she touched me again so Regina was talked to again and was extremely pissed. She started acting really passive aggressive, avoiding me and slamming things and being rude to everyone even customers. Me, being the nice person I am I decided that I would forgive her. Dumb of me, I know. I wrote her a four or five page letter explaining how everything made me feel , how bad of a friend she was and that I would teach her how to be a good friend. I even bought her a candle and some other stuff along with the letter I went as far as going over to her house to help her clean. She cried a lot when she read the letter and cried to me saying how bad of a friend she was, I hugged her back and said that it was okay and I forgive her. After that is was okay for a while until I witnessed her take drinks without paying for them and told my boss. After this, it was like a war.
I have never gotten in trouble with anyone, anywhere with anything, I guess I’m a goodie-two-shoes. Though I do have anger problems I have found ways to cope and deal with my anger, I’ve been working really hard to not get angry at Regina even though she deserves to hear what the mama bear side of me wants to say. I want to be gentle, I want to be nice and forgiving, I don’t want to be angry. But I knew I had to set some sturdy boundaries in order to keep my sanity. These past few weeks have been hell, in summary I caught her talking bad about me to my boss, she was lying about me, blaming me and others for things we didn’t do. With one situation in particular she turned the tables , when hearing this my adrenaline started to course through my veins, I stared to shake so bad. I went up to her and told her that was not how the story went. She got so scared seeing me so mad and shaking. She apologized to our boss for lying but not to me, my other coworker helped me calm down and thank god she did because I was going to quit right there and then. To summarize other things she has done I will just list them -tried to frame another coworker for theft to the point the coworker cried to our boss -tried to take credit for the work I did -talks bad about other managers and workers in other stores -gave out the phone numbers and emails of our hr and of our boss’s boss -made me work off the clock to train new people because she didn’t want to train them -purposely trained me wrong and is hesitant with teaching me new things to the point my boss has to and when I learn she gets mad and jealous because she’s threatened by my work ethic -yelled at me in front of a customer to the point the customer came back to complain about Regina to our boss and another coworker
And so many more but, the most recent is her blaming me for not locking the doors at close when it was her that didn’t do it correctly, the alarm company called my boss at night and the cops came to our Joanns and everything. I have several eye witnesses watch her do it. I told my boss to watch the cameras because I have nothing to lie about and Regina still is trying to blame me. This is where I draw the line, I will not forgive her so easily this time. Forgiveness without changed behavior is just manipulation. I am not the only one who has complained about her, many of our coworker have switched their availability to when I work or when my boss works because they don’t want to deal with Regina. Tension is very high and I’m afraid of what is to come.
2024.05.16 05:45 emeraldstars000 Strange coincidences surrounding the Elisa Lam case ...
- Dark Water Dark Water is a 2002 Japanese horror film that was adapted into a 2005 American version starring Jennifer Connelly. In both movies, a mother (named Dahlia; the Black Dahlia was found murdered near the Cecil Hotel) and daughter (named Cecilia, which sounds eerily like the Cecil Hotel) move into a new apartment where discolored water starts coming out of the faucets. The weird water and spooky elevator eventually lead them to discovering a dead body in the apartment's water supply. If you boil down the movie to its most basic elements, you get the story of Elisa Lam.
- Morbid the Death Metal Musician
- LAM-ELISA test For tuberculosis
- The Last Bookstore
LINK
2024.05.16 05:45 Holiday-Mammoth3343 Heartbroken
Okay lol this is my second post to the group but I need some advice…
My partner of a couple years cheated on me. He has done it before, in November and I was willing to forgive him and look past it in hopes of salvaging the relationship.
I thought I knew this man but it’s now starting to become clear I do not.
Last night, I got a call. My partner was in jail.. confused by the story he told me ( he had a road rage accident) I obviously just looked up the charge myself. The charge was for trying to get a hooker.
I’m absolutely devastated and my whole world just turned upside down. How can he be so casual with me and 30 min later get charged for something like this?
The thing is, I feel bad. FOR HIM?? I worry about him losing his job, his shame and life moving on from this. He has past law issues waaaay back before finding recovery and his recovery is a substantial amount of time. He let me know he has a sex addiction he has in the past gotten help for and will start again/ sobbing, apologizing and I just feel empathy for him.
I have a therapist and I know I should be angry. My body physically hurts from the pain and two years, not my longest relationship is still enough that I’m close with his family and was really planning our future together. I always get worried because I feel like I’ll never have children or a family and this just amplified it. Along with my past addiction to alcohol that I have 4 years sober from. 5 in September. I started late with life and the catch up game is hard.
On top of that I live out of state so the isolation is real. I’ve reached out and am attempting to find my friend groups but I don’t want to leave him??? I do however, believe I will leave. I just don’t want to and that makes this a billion times more painful.
He put me at risk for STD’s and it just utterly sucks that yesterday everything was great and today it’s all different.
Maybe someone has a similar story, advice for a relationship you left when you didn’t want to.
Thanks in advance.
submitted by Holiday-Mammoth3343 to Advice [link] [comments]
My partner of a couple years cheated on me. He has done it before, in November and I was willing to forgive him and look past it in hopes of salvaging the relationship.
I thought I knew this man but it’s now starting to become clear I do not.
Last night, I got a call. My partner was in jail.. confused by the story he told me ( he had a road rage accident) I obviously just looked up the charge myself. The charge was for trying to get a hooker.
I’m absolutely devastated and my whole world just turned upside down. How can he be so casual with me and 30 min later get charged for something like this?
The thing is, I feel bad. FOR HIM?? I worry about him losing his job, his shame and life moving on from this. He has past law issues waaaay back before finding recovery and his recovery is a substantial amount of time. He let me know he has a sex addiction he has in the past gotten help for and will start again/ sobbing, apologizing and I just feel empathy for him.
I have a therapist and I know I should be angry. My body physically hurts from the pain and two years, not my longest relationship is still enough that I’m close with his family and was really planning our future together. I always get worried because I feel like I’ll never have children or a family and this just amplified it. Along with my past addiction to alcohol that I have 4 years sober from. 5 in September. I started late with life and the catch up game is hard.
On top of that I live out of state so the isolation is real. I’ve reached out and am attempting to find my friend groups but I don’t want to leave him??? I do however, believe I will leave. I just don’t want to and that makes this a billion times more painful.
He put me at risk for STD’s and it just utterly sucks that yesterday everything was great and today it’s all different.
Maybe someone has a similar story, advice for a relationship you left when you didn’t want to.
Thanks in advance.
2024.05.16 05:45 kylexyz001 Have you ever seen someone hang off of their shoulder blades?
Okay so here's the context; I was at a doctor's appointment telling them about anything abnormal and they said I probably have EDS which makes sense given a multitude of reasons. My skin is very stretchy, most of my joints dislocate without pain, my nails can bend 90 degrees easily and without hurting, and I can stick my shoulder blades out very far. I'm sure you've seen a few people who can stick out their shoulder blades but when I told my doctor I can hang off of them there was a clear look of both shock and concern.
Has anyone seen someone who can hang off of their shoulder blades? I can't find any videos of it or anyone talking about it, I can hang off of them for a pretty long time like I remember just chilling on basketball hoop bars and it was pretty relaxing to the horror of everyone I knew in high school. No support from arms or anything at all and I could swing back and forth
submitted by kylexyz001 to NoStupidQuestions [link] [comments]
Has anyone seen someone who can hang off of their shoulder blades? I can't find any videos of it or anyone talking about it, I can hang off of them for a pretty long time like I remember just chilling on basketball hoop bars and it was pretty relaxing to the horror of everyone I knew in high school. No support from arms or anything at all and I could swing back and forth
2024.05.16 05:44 oatmealparty Need help finding a song, was a remix of a Ukrainian businessman talking shit about Putin and saying how they would fight
Driving me crazy that I can't find this thing on Youtube or anywhere, it was some businessman sitting at a desk filming himself ranting about how Putin should fuck himself and they'd fight invaders, and someone remixed it into a techno beat. But I can't find it!
submitted by oatmealparty to ukraine [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 05:44 kawaiidency_ My (26F) bf (27M) is going on a trip to help his friend (27M) meet single women - how do I tell him I can't get over how uncomfortable I am with him going?
tl;dr: My (26f) partner (27m) is going on a trip with his best friend (27m) to help his best friend meet someone new by putting themselves in places where there are plenty of single women. I, the girlfriend, am uncomfortable and am not sure how else to say it, since my partner and I have already talked about this trip 923859835792 times, and he's adamant that he's going.
Just like the title states, my partner (27M) has agreed to go on an international trip with his friend (27M) to catch a concert, sightsee, and help said friend meet someone new. My partner and I (26F) have been dating for ~3 years, and he's been perfectly faithful, trustworthy and perfectly transparent.
There's no reason, other than my own insecurity, that I should be feeling as upset and uneasy about this boys trip. He's gone on two other trips with his friends while we've been together, and I definitely didn't feel this way either time.
For context, my partner's friend has been single for a long time, and struggles meeting new people in general, regardless of their gender. This friend is understandably on the lookout for someone special, and has chosen as city with the highest concentration of "his type" to visit. Weird, but I see the vision.
This friend has literally no other single friends to go on this wife-quest with - enter: my partner. They've been friends for a long time, and have travelled well together before. Fwiw I do like this friend very much, and don't think that he would do anything unsavoury, but even so.
Alright - on to me.
The entire purpose of this trip is to be around lots of single women with the intention of chatting them up, having a good time and hopefully finding this friend someone interesting to pursue.
My partner and I are wonderful communicators, and have a great record of solving our problems in a way that satisfies us both. However, no matter how much my partner reassures me, and despite his trackrecord of being absolutely wonderful and perfectly faithful - I feel SO ICKY about this trip!
I've talked with partner to death about this, and I'm sick of hearing my own voice. He's adamant that he's going, and I think he should, it's literally a 3 day trip with his best friend, but oh my GOD. Yes he's trustworthy, yes he's respectful of my boundries, yes he's an honest person, and of course he loves me very much.
My lady brain dgaf. I don't like the intention of the trip, and even if they both change their mind and say "oh no, nope, we're doing something else now" I still won't be less upset by it.
There's no permutation of this situation that involves my partner not going on this trip - I just feel like I've tried to explain every which way that I'm uncomfortable, and he acknowledges it but... that's about it. I don't feel satisfied with his answers and I've been alright at not letting myself spiral, but I just want to cry.
How else could I possibly explain how weird the intention of this trip is, and how uncomfortable it makes me?
submitted by kawaiidency_ to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
There's no reason, other than my own insecurity, that I should be feeling as upset and uneasy about this boys trip. He's gone on two other trips with his friends while we've been together, and I definitely didn't feel this way either time.
For context, my partner's friend has been single for a long time, and struggles meeting new people in general, regardless of their gender. This friend is understandably on the lookout for someone special, and has chosen as city with the highest concentration of "his type" to visit. Weird, but I see the vision.
This friend has literally no other single friends to go on this wife-quest with - enter: my partner. They've been friends for a long time, and have travelled well together before. Fwiw I do like this friend very much, and don't think that he would do anything unsavoury, but even so.
Alright - on to me.
The entire purpose of this trip is to be around lots of single women with the intention of chatting them up, having a good time and hopefully finding this friend someone interesting to pursue.
My partner and I are wonderful communicators, and have a great record of solving our problems in a way that satisfies us both. However, no matter how much my partner reassures me, and despite his trackrecord of being absolutely wonderful and perfectly faithful - I feel SO ICKY about this trip!
I've talked with partner to death about this, and I'm sick of hearing my own voice. He's adamant that he's going, and I think he should, it's literally a 3 day trip with his best friend, but oh my GOD. Yes he's trustworthy, yes he's respectful of my boundries, yes he's an honest person, and of course he loves me very much.
My lady brain dgaf. I don't like the intention of the trip, and even if they both change their mind and say "oh no, nope, we're doing something else now" I still won't be less upset by it.
There's no permutation of this situation that involves my partner not going on this trip - I just feel like I've tried to explain every which way that I'm uncomfortable, and he acknowledges it but... that's about it. I don't feel satisfied with his answers and I've been alright at not letting myself spiral, but I just want to cry.
How else could I possibly explain how weird the intention of this trip is, and how uncomfortable it makes me?
2024.05.16 05:44 sea_me_ 28[F4M] Anywhere. Looking for my perfect match
I looking for real love. Someone who we can vibe with each other. I value openess in terms of feelings and emotions. Tell me what's going on. I also value honesty and kindness.
I am 5'4, black, petite and I am from Kenya. I love gardening, watching YouTube, walks and road trips and night drives with a calm safety first driver haha
I am hoping to find unconditional love. I am not the best when it comes to figuring things out. I do feel like I've missed out on a lot and I hope to catch up. I feel like all my agemates are getting married amd having kids. Yet, all I want is a boyfriend for now lol. Is it too much to ask?
Send me a chat if this has given you any mood.
submitted by sea_me_ to r4r [link] [comments]
I am 5'4, black, petite and I am from Kenya. I love gardening, watching YouTube, walks and road trips and night drives with a calm safety first driver haha
I am hoping to find unconditional love. I am not the best when it comes to figuring things out. I do feel like I've missed out on a lot and I hope to catch up. I feel like all my agemates are getting married amd having kids. Yet, all I want is a boyfriend for now lol. Is it too much to ask?
Send me a chat if this has given you any mood.
2024.05.16 05:43 Codeman0077 Should I get it?
 | I have a pretty good RE4 collection going and I’m trying to find other things to add to it. I’ve been wanting a graded game to add. A game shop close to me has this graded RE4 for $160. Is this a good deal? Or fair? Or nah. I’ve never bought a graded game before. I just want it for collection and preservation purposes. Looked on eBay this seems to be the going price but someone who know more about graded games might be able to help? submitted by Codeman0077 to residentevil4 [link] [comments] |
2024.05.16 05:43 TheWhistlingWarrior Many of you don't want to hear my testimony, and that's okay... I let go of the need for you to read this, but this is what happened to me... This is the story of how I saw a vision of Jesus, God and Satan, was helped by Thoth, went through the medical system, and learned they have no empathy...
When I was around 13 years old, I was a young stupid teenager, and hanging out with my friends, and we were all saying inflammatory things, and I said, "Yeah, if I turn 30, and I haven't accomplished anything, I'll probably just kill myself." It was an awful thing to say, and I can't believe I said it.
Well, I turned 29. I had probably close to 50 jobs, and had a complete discontentment with my life and civilization, and was contemplating suicide, and then I had a full-blown spiritual awakening, saw a vision of Jesus, God and Satan, and went through an immense dark night of the soul and personal transformation of the heart.
I just have this verse on my heart right now thinking about it, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits, [Psalm 18:21]" and it just reminds me of what I said when I was a teenager.
I know God heard that and knew that he wasn't going to let me die of suicide. He was watching me the whole time, and he cared about me, and he didn't want to lose me.
Three years ago, I was a 29-year-old man whose life had become defined by isolation. Once curious and engaged with the world in my youth, I had slowly withdrawn into myself from depression, retreating into the comfort of my room in my mother's house. My agnostic atheism left me without a guiding light, and the mundane realities of life, from my dozens of failed jobs to my ongoing struggles with addiction, weighed heavily on my spirit. I found solace instead in the company of strategy games and suffered deeply in the rabbit hole of conspiracies on the internet.
My addictions had become an ever-tightening grip on my life. I found myself reaching for cannabis, alcohol, video games, fast food, and pornography to fill the void that had grown in my heart over the years. My life had become a series of hollow habits, each one leaving me feeling emptier than before. I could no longer deny that something was deeply wrong.
One day, while browsing online, I stumbled upon a post that claimed Thoth, the ancient Egyptian deity of knowledge and wisdom, could help those who asked for his assistance. Intrigued, I wondered if reaching out to Thoth could provide me with the help I needed.
Weeks passed since reading the post, and as I stood in my shower, my thoughts drifted to the crossroads my life seemed to have come to. I asked myself why I was stuck in a cycle of self-destructive behaviors and why I felt such a profound sense of emptiness. The steam from the shower enveloped me as I said aloud, "Thoth, if you are real, I really need your help right now. I don't want to live like this anymore; I don't want to die yet." As I spoke the words, my hand moved from the side of my body, and then to my forehead and heart, while making a hand-sign and I felt at peace.
I was stunned, realizing the hand-sign I had made was eerily similar to ones I had seen in paintings of Jesus. I was stunned but felt an unusual calmness wash over me. As I dried off and dressed, I pondered what had just happened. I went to the full-body mirror in my room, looking at myself. I saw someone I no longer recognized, someone I no longer wanted to be.
Once more, I said, "Thoth, if you are real, will you help me? This isn't who I want to be anymore." I stared at myself in the mirror, and slowly a vision began to form in my eyes. It wasn’t Thoth I saw, but Jesus.
Jesus appeared with long brown hair, a brown beard, brown eyes, and light brown skin. Half of his face was illuminated by light, while the other half was cast in shadow. The vision of Jesus was so vivid that it left me both in awe and at peace. As the vision of him faded, I remember reaching out to him because I didn't want him to go, I could tell he was here to help.
As night fell, I lay in my bed, lost in deep contemplation. I revisited the events of the day, focusing on the vision of Jesus. The clarity of the vision was imprinted on my mind, and I couldn't shake the feeling that it held a deeper meaning. I pondered the nature of good and evil, and how they were intertwined in a complex dance of duality. I found myself questioning whether the traditional view of evil as something to be hated and shunned was truly the right approach. Instead, I began to entertain the idea that perhaps evil people and perhaps even evil itself, could be understood with compassion and empathy, instead of hatred and disgust.
As I continued to ponder, I experienced a peculiar sensation in my head. It was as though something shifted in the center of my brain, around the area of my third eye or pineal gland. There was a slight pop like a tearing or crunching sound, it was not painful, but surprising nonetheless. I then felt a fluid movement from the left hemisphere of my brain to the right hemisphere, using the third eye as a bridge or something. This shift brought me a sense of balance and calmness I had not felt before. I realized I had been living predominantly in the logical part of my brain, instead of emotional side.
As I embraced this newfound state of relaxation, I began to see another vision in my mind. This time, it was God who appeared. God had long white hair, a white beard, and wore white robes and sandals. Then God began dancing, moving with joy and lightheartedness.
Before I could fully process what I was seeing, another figure appeared alongside God. It was Satan, with red skin and horns. Satan seemed curious and playful, attempting to imitate God's dance moves with enthusiasm. The sight of these two seemingly opposing forces dancing together struck me as surreal.
As I watched them dance, I found myself smiling, and really enjoying the moment. Then, my mind wandered to the Russian squat dance, a thought that seemed to come out of nowhere. To my amazement, God began performing the Russian squat dance, his movements precise and fluid. I couldn't help but laugh. It was awesome and hilarious.
Slowly, they both faded away, leaving me in a state of awe and wonder. I realized that my third eye had opened, granting me access to a deeper level of perception and understanding.
I lay in my bed for a few moments, attempting to grasp the profound implications of the vision I had just experienced. The reality of the spiritual world was undeniable now. God, Jesus, Satan, and other spiritual beings were real, their presence deeply embedded within my new understanding. This stark realization overwhelmed me, and I felt an immense fear wash over me, it was like the Eye of Sauron was upon me, or the eye of Satan.
I began pacing frantically around my room, gasping for air as I tried to process the magnitude of my new awareness. My mind felt as if it were on the brink of shattering; I couldn't comprehend what was happening. The very foundation of my reality had shifted, leaving me teetering on the edge of my sanity.
Despite my racing thoughts and heart, I managed to steady myself using deep breathing techniques I had learned in the past from Wim Hof. My frantic pace gradually slowed, and I returned to my bed, trying to make sense of everything.
I deduced that the condition commonly known as schizophrenia might not be what people thought it was. Instead, it could be an individual's heightened sensitivity to the spirit world, a world most people never perceived.
As I lay in bed, still reeling from my panic, I suddenly saw a vision of Satan. He had red skin and horns, and spoke directly to me, expressing admiration for my deduction. Satan confirmed that what I thought was true: many people were speaking to demons, believing themselves to be schizophrenic. This deceptive world was, indeed, a harsh reality.
I tried to take in Satan's words, but a sensation of something being pulled out of me struck me. It felt as though my very soul was being drained from my body. My energy depleted rapidly, and I was overcome by a sense of impending doom. I lost control of my bodily functions, believing that I was moments away from death.
At the moment when I thought I was succumbing to death, I caught sight of an Easter lily I had bought earlier that day, sitting on my desk. The sight of the beautiful lily sparked a powerful desire to live within me. Fueled by a newfound will to survive coursing through me, I leaped out of my bed, and began pacing back and forth in my room once more, gasping for air.
As I walked, I experienced a series of visions featuring characters I admired and found inspiration from—Master Yoda from Star Wars, Aang from Avatar: The Last Airbender, and Neo from The Matrix. I realized that God had shown me these characters because they were a source of moral guidance and strength in my life.
My thoughts then turned to the physical pain I was experiencing. My awareness of the spirit world had heightened significantly, causing my brain to start heating up, and I felt a piercing pain and ballooning sensation near my right temple, which deeply concerned me.
Every time I had a thought, I could feel my brain stem wiggle and I would feel pain in my right temple, so I had to learn to still or quiet my mind. Recognizing that I needed to take action to cool my head and relieve the pain, with a sort of just knowing of what I had to do, I resolved to get a large bowl of ice water and head to the basement.
I quietly left my room so as not to wake my mother, who was sleeping in her room nearby, and ventured downstairs to the basement
At this point you could say I was "possessed" by spirits, Thoth, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I was able to rest my consciousness in my third eye, and the Holy Spirit, Thoth, or Jesus could help me and take move my body to keep me alive. There was no way for me to survive without help.
The holy spirit showed me a specific breathing technique to diffuse the energy in my brain by inhaling through my mouth deeply, and then exhaling through my nose in the water. The vibration of exhaling through my nose into the water would cause my brain to feel soothed for a little while, likely stimulating my vagus nerve too, and I believe it was doing something with the fluid in my brain. When I was able to not be at the water, I had to keep pressure on the center of my forehead to rest in my third eye so they could help me.
I remember pacing between the two sections of my basement, and Thoth was helping me breathe just to stay conscious. One half of the basement was bright with light with concrete floors, which is where the bowl of water was, the washer and drier, a sink, and four litter boxes. On the other side of the basement was dark with a carpeted floor and a wood fireplace. The basement's light was painted in the duality of light and dark.
I remained in the basement until the sun rose, soaking my head in icewater, and pacing back and forth between the dark and light rooms because i would become overly sensitive to one particular room, and I was just trying to breathe to stay conscious. I was battling the spirit of fear the entire night. The fear from my initial awakening and the fear of death over and over again, hundreds if not thousands of times.
I soaked my head in the ice water all night, getting momentary breaks from the water, and certain I was going to die hundreds of times from a brain hemorrhage, I stood on the hard pavement for hours, I remember Jesus was my legs at one point, I could feel him focusing through me to keep me standing. I continuously soaked my head in the ice water to combat the piercing pain and ballooning sensation in my right temple. Throughout the night, I heard voices speaking to me—some belonging to what I would call demons and others to angels.
The demons tried to instill fear in me, convincing me I was going to die. While the angels offered comfort and reassurance, telling me I would be okay. Despite the torment I endured, I found profound inner strength and refused to give up. I remember squeezing my Celtic cross necklace so hard during this time.
The sun rose on the second day, I had been awake all night, I was beyond exhausted. I don't remember all of the specifics of this time, my awakening was very traumatic, but several hours passed and I remember being told that I needed to grab a book and go outside down the street and sit by a tree. I refused, and Satan said, "Do you want to die?" I said "No," and grabbed a book and went outside and walked down the street to a tree and sat with my back leaned against it.
I read my book for about 10 minutes when two women carrying their babies in slings approached me, and asked me what I was reading. I told them the name of the book, Inner Engineering by Sadghuru, and they said that they were doing a prayer walk, and wanted to share the gospel message with me. I knew this was a divine appointment. This was meant to happen.
They shared the gospel message with me, and then offered to let me join their community of house churches, and gave me the number of one of their husbands so I could call and get connected with them.
I spent the rest of the day relaxing, but was unable to sleep and barely ate anything, and once the night fell, I was in the basement again, soaking my head in ice water. I would often get relief during the days when the sun was out, and then at night, it was a brutal spiritual battle all night in the basement where I was fighting for my life.
On the second day, I was in the kitchen, and I had the right side of my head in the ice water, and was moving my head up to breathe in through my mouth, and then I would tilt my head back down and exhale my entire breath out through my nose. I didn't know what I was doing, I was just listening to guidance from what I believe was the holy spirit.
After around 15-20 minutes of intense exhaling through my nose, a ton of white viscous liquid started coming out of my nose, and filling the bowl, it wasn't painful at all, it was a massive relief, and the excess fluid in my head was somehow being drained out. When the process was done, I remember I felt amazing, incredible actually, like my head was clear of all confusion, and I was so very much alive and conscious.
I went outside and was swinging a stick like a sword and having fun, and I think I got a little overzealous and jumped the fence behind my house, and started going on an adventure. After around 3-5 minutes though, the fluid started building back up, and I had to soak my head in a puddle to keep my brain cool. When I returned home, I went back to the water to soak my head. I still hadn't slept.
That night was brutal, and I was suffering badly, and I remember I was sitting on the dark side of the basement, but I had turned on the lamp. I was sitting on pillows, and I had just been soaking my head in the water. Satan then told me that in order to save the world, I would have to die by popping my third eye. I don't know why I believed him, I didn't have discernment at the time, and I was just following whatever guidance was coming my way, but I know that I had to do that to find my true strength.
I sat for a moment and contemplated. I grabbed a wooden walking stick that was nearby, and I moved it to my forehead, and pushed it into the center of my head as hard as I could until my arms literally gave out. I thought of my mom and sister, and I wanted the world to be free from suffering, but I wasn't meant to die that day. I cried very hard, and I learned that the human skull is very strong. I got up and went back to the ice water, and my forehead was numb.
Eventually, after three days and nights of this suffering, following the path God laid out before me, I reached my complete breaking point. I declared to the spirits that I had had enough. I was done soaking my head in ice water and I slowly and bravely removed my head from the bowl of water.
I was shivering so badly. These weren't just cold shivers, these were spiritual shivers, they shake you to your very core. I felt awful. Those who have been delivered will know what I am speaking about when I saw spiritual shivers. I spread out pillows on the floor, and lay down to rest. As I settled in, I pulled the blanket over me, and I remember I felt the comforting presence of Jesus, he was tucking me in.
I slept for just a few hours and awoke up early on Saturday morning. I remember my head hurt and it felt like the left side of my head was full of fluid. I grabbed the bowl of ice water, and this time, however, I decided to sit outside. The pain in my head was still excruciating, and I thought I might die.
My mother saw me outside, and concerned about my well-being, approached me to check if I was okay. I told her to call the ambulance because I needed help, and she quickly complied. When the paramedics arrived, they took me to the hospital, where I hoped I would receive the medical care I desperately needed, but that wasn't what was in store for me.
I got to the hospital, and the medical establishment, unfortunately, has no empathy or concern for people's mental sufferings. I asked them for water to drink because I was so dehydrated, and they wouldn't give me water.
Then, I got admitted to the hospital, and they finally gave me some juice and a snack, and I was starting to relax, but then a voice came into my head, it was Satan, and he made me think I needed to soak my head in the icewater again and expel the white viscous fluid again, so I started panicking a bit and had them bring me a bowl of ice water, and I began soaking my head.
They had probably never seen anything like what I was doing, and thought I was just crazy, because they basically came after me and tied me to the bed, and forcefully injected me with something to make me calm down or sleep, and then they didn't talk to me at all anymore throughout the night.
I am claustrophobic, so being tied down was absolute torture for me. They left me in the dark hospital room suffering all night, tied to the bed, thinking I was going to die the entire night, and then finally the sun rose on the horizon, and when the nurse came in to draw my blood in the morning, I asked them to request security to release me from the restraints. They have no empathy for people. Something is deeply wrong with the medical system.
Anyways, they finally sent me to an in-patient mental health clinic which is honestly just a warehouse for people to take meds, sleep, and eat, away from society. It was honestly a welcome respite, but there's no therapy available at these places. Which means no real internal healing is taking place for people suffering.
Once I got to the in-patient mental health clinic, I spent the first day mostly just relaxing, but there was a man there that was definitely possessed by a demon. He would be shouting a bunch of biblical verses about the kingdom of God, and a lot more, and then he would be on the floor the next, flailing around, being tortured by a demon. One of the other patients there told me he is being tortured by something, and I see what she means now.
I spent the rest of my time there recovering the best I could, and just taking the meds to calm down, and try to get some sleep, and spent time listening to people's stories. One of the girls there told me that the wound on my forehead from when I pushed the wooden staff into my forehead, looked like a cross, and she was right.
When I got out of the in-patient mental health clinic, I called the number that I had received during my three days and nights dark night of the soul.
I joined their community of house churches, and was studying the Bible with them for several months and meeting with them frequently, and I thought I had found my forever friends. We would go on prayer walks, and I was eventually baptized at a lake, and thought that I had a new life of faith waiting for me with new friends.
They were concerned about my well-being and cared about me, but a small part of me felt like I was being controlled by them too, like they wanted me to conform to all of their beliefs and everything in the Bible as fact, and the word of God, and I have always been very sensitive to manipulation since I was a child, and I could tell they were manipulating me. They never left room for me to be myself, and share my beliefs without condemnation, which is a major red flag.
Recognizing this, I distanced myself from them, and went on my own spiritual journey where I spent months conversing with the spirit world in my backyard. walking in circles. I spoke to God and Satan/Lucifer and was trying to come to understanding why Satan would reject God's will.
After some time, I realized I was just being tortured, and I needed help. I was suffering from a lot, and I needed deliverance. Satan had taken up a seat in my mind because I let him, and I had demons hurting me. I reached out to the Christian group again after several months of being distant from them, and they said there was an opportunity to move in with some Christian brothers and live with them, so I jumped on the opportunity. I was so excited. I was on fire for God.
I got to the house, and moved my stuff in, and then the night fell on the first night, and the enemy was not having it. The demons and Satan were not having it. They did NOT want me living with my brothers in Christ because they knew I was detached from all the boxes of thought control, and I was living in the spirit, wasn't a slave of mind or spirit. They wanted to destroy our relationship, between us, the brothers of Christ, and they did.
I don't remember the exact sequence of events, but I was entirely in the spirit at the time, I was detached from my body in a way, and just following the path laid out before me. I could feel that I needed to go outside and walk the neighborhood as a part of my spiritual path, so I left the house, and walked barefoot throughout the neighborhood.
While walking the neighborhood, I was in full spirit mode, I was communicating with God and Jesus, and they were guiding me on my path. I saw visions of them sitting beside a tree and trimming off rotten fruit, which I think was symbolic of them removing rotten fruit from my mind. I also saw them sweeping out a room and cleaning it, as if symbolic of my mind, and them cleaning my mind and purifying it. I also remember seeing a symbolic vision of myself holding up a golden gemstone encrusted goblet to God.
During that night, I declared war on the principalities of darkness. Against the forces of darkness. I saw skulls in the clouds, and could tell they were communicating with me as they are spirits of the air.
My feet were bloodied from walking around the neighborhood barefoot, I was completely lost all night, I was new to the neighborhood too, and had no idea where I was, so I wandered for hours throughout the night, so hungry, tired, and thirsty, and just physically and mentally exhausted, but I endured. That night made me realize how strong I really am when I let go of everything and trust in God. When I completely become the spirit instead of the body. The human body is incredible and capable of withstanding far more than we know.
Finally, I found my way to the house, and my footsteps were spilling blood on the front porch. The door was locked, and I knocked, and one of the brothers let me in, and I went to my bedroom. I couldn't sleep at all, my mind was very active, it was very similar to when I had my spiritual awakening, I was just unable to sleep because of how active my mind was. I spent the whole night awake.
The next day, I was suffering horrible spiritual attack, my head was in pain and I was holding my head just to feel comfortable, and one of the brothers called a friend of theirs to come and do a deliverance. I remember them being very bold, but gentle... firm, but kind to me, as they expelled some of the demons through prayer. It wasn't a painful deliverance or too exhausting, it was gentle by comparison. I felt much better after the deliverance, hungry and thirsty again, and wanted to nourish my body. I spent the rest of the day relaxing a bit, and listening to the other believers talk about the Bible, and their beliefs.
That night, I was delivered again, and it was awful. My brothers in Christ shouldn't have done the deliverance, but I don't know if I even would have made the rest of the night it if they didn't. I think the holy spirit guided them to do the deliverance, but it went out of control.
I was in my room, suffering deeply, holding my head, and all three brothers who lived there came up to my room to check on me, and pray for me. Their prayers turned into a full blown deliverance, and demons were screaming out of me for around half an hour straight. They were casting them out in the name of Jesus, but it was awful, it's one of my most traumatic memories. I was suffering so badly, and honestly I could tell the demons were suffering so badly, and my brothers in Christ had zero empathy for me.
After speaking with demons, the brothers wanted to speak with me again, so I came to, I asked them for water, and they denied me, and they just continued the deliverance without giving me a break. I had been suffering for around 45 minutes straight, with demons screaming out of me, and I was beyond exhausted, I was so dehydrated, and I just needed to stop. They didn't care, they kept going.
They kept shouting at these demons in the name of Jesus to leave, and eventually after another ten minutes, I realized, nothing was happening, we weren't getting anywhere, the demons weren't coming out, and they asked to speak with me again, and I came to the forefront and regained control, and tried talking to them, but they were gone. The demons had got into them somehow, and they were filled with hatred and revulsion for me. They all had the same facial expression of hatred and revulsion for me.
I went around the room and pleaded with them that it was me, but they didn't believe me, they were gone, checked out, I tried bringing up memories of what had happened between us that were specific to each person to bring them to understanding that it was me, and in fact not a demon speaking, but they thought I was a demon speaking.
They all grabbed ahold of me, and pinned me down on the bed, but I knew where this was going, the demons in them were going to flood me with fear and fill me with demons again, and I wasn't going to have that, I wasn't going to let them win.
I flailed out of their grasp, told them to get off me, and ran down the stairs and out of the house. I remember as I was running out, Satan told me, "You are the most free person on the planet."
I ran outside, and even the weight of my clothes felt like too much, I was panicking from the trauma of the deliverance and the attack from my brothers, and I stripped off all my clothes and ran down the alley way in the middle of the night and got away from the house.
There were no light, and no one around, and no one followed me, so I just ran down the alley way, and found an abandoned car to sit on for a few minutes until I got a message from God that it was time to go grab my clothes and put my clothes on.
I put my clothes back on, and started walking away from the house because I needed to get some air. That is when one of the other brother's in Christ, the one that I had called initially to join their community of house churches, was there. I think he was guided by the holy spirit to show up there that night.
Anyways, we walked back to the house, and when we got there, there was a cop car and an ambulance there. I guess the brothers had called for a wellness check on me. They wanted to bring me to the hospital to have me evaluated. I protested, but just wanted them to leave me alone, I went with them, and went to the hospital.
Much to no one's surprise, they did nothing for me at the hospital. They just put me in a room where I waited around for 6-8 hours, until I was finally released. I didn't go back to the brother's house though. When they offered me an uber, I went back to my mom's house. I wasn't going to live with them anymore after what they did to me...
A couple weeks passed and two of the brothers who did the deliverance called me, and wanted to schedule a time to meet up so they could minister to me. They came over to my house, and basically told me that I was still demon possessed, and made me feel like there was something wrong with me, and then when I confronted them and asked them if they had a problem with me, they lied to my face, and said that they didn't have a problem with me.
About a month passed and the last brother that was a part of deliverance contacted me and invited me to go to church with him. I told him how that experience made me feel, how I was claustrophobic from childhood trauma and that being pinned down by everyone was horribly traumatic, and he said, "Do you feel better now?" in a sarcastic tone. He completely dismissed how I felt, that hurt me badly.
I went to church with him once, but never went with him again, I also never reconnected with any of the other brothers, and then my life started to become very spiritual. God had a path of understanding laid out before me that most people will not tread.
I began to try to become friends with demons and minister to them and try to turn them to Christ. I had a lot of visions during this time, and I cried a lot. I would walk around my neighborhood and see visions of demons sitting on top of the apartment buildings.
When I would go home, I would have visions of demons in my basement, and would have to drive them out in the name of Jesus. I would speak to them too, and wait and listen for them to telepathically communicate with me.
I remember I was suffering badly though, and I needed to go to in-patient mental health again for help. I needed the meds and a place where I could rest and relax.
During my time there, I was communicating with a spirit named Jezebel, and during that time I was suffering very badly. I won't get into all of the details, but I was becoming friends with her, and we shared a deep laugh about something that I cannot remember anymore, but I remember the laugh. It felt so good to laugh after suffering so badly.
During my time while I was there I was seeing visions of my own death. I was seeing people suffering from demonic attack and spirits of confusion. They couldn't remember who they were, or who other people were.
I prayed for a woman to be delivered that night in her sleep, and the next day she was bright and fresh and happy, and doing so much better. God performed a miracle on her, and saved her. She was a normal person again after entering the hospital in a complete state of confusion. It was miraculous. I was honestly jealous, because I was suffering so badly, and she was delivered overnight in her sleep in a relaxed way, while my time had been so intense.
While I was there though, I was under heavy attack, but I pulled through, God pulled me through too, but when I got home, the journey wasn't over though. I was in a spiritual state for a while, and was seeing visions. I could rest in my third eye, and see the spirit world. It was exhausting, I saw a lot of demons, and had to drive them out in the name of Jesus.
Then one night, I was downstairs, and I was with Satan, Lilith, and a spirit calling itself Baal. I remember Baal was sitting in the middle in front of the fireplace, and Satan was to my left, and Lilith was to my right.
I don't remember what we spoke about, I just spent time with them, and I drank a beer with them, the air was heavy with demonic energy, and then I remember Lilith went over to Satan and kneeled before him, and grabbed him by the hand tenderly and asked him to turn away from his evil ways.
Satan neither accepted nor refused, and then I remember maybe 5 minutes passed and I was doing a full-blown deliverance on Lilith. I was praying for her, and I could see visions of her on the ground flailing around, it was awful, and I hope she is okay.
I don't know how long after that passed, but I was delivered many times during this phase. I was around demons a lot and they would get into me, and I would have to expel them out through vomiting, and it was excruciating.
Several months passed after that where I was okay, I spent months just relaxing and recovering, playing video games, smoking weed, and just relaxing. It was nice, but it wasn't the end of my journey.
My next journey was against Thoth. While he was a great help at the beginning of my spiritual awakening, he is not a perfect being like God, and he tried to overtake me. It's really hard to explain what he did, but he was viciously attacking me spiritually, and I sought help to go to the in-patient mental health clinic again. That was where I went when things got too spiritually charged. I had Medicaid, so I was able to go as needed.
They didn't send me to in-patient this time though, they sent me to a crisis pivot center, which is basically a residential house that is being used to treat people suffering from mental illness, where you can receive meds and sleep in a sort of half-way house between in-patient mental health and being back in the world at home.
Anyways, I was suffering grotesquely from Thoth, he is a VERY powerful entity, perhaps one of the strongest I have faced, and has been more cruel to me than even Satan, and I remember having a conversation with one of the people working there about how I had asked a false God at the beginning of my spiritual awakening for help to fix my life, and how that had caused a bunch of problems.
Eventually, I realized I was not receiving the care that I needed while at the crisis center, so I had them transfer me to hospital. All I wanted to do was sleep. I had been awake for days, and I just wanted sleep, so I was looking for Ambien when I went to the hospital, and that's what I got.
I remember they had admitted me to the emergency, but it was so full that every room was full, so they had me in the hallway, and I was just exhausted, and in a very tired state, but my third eye was opened, and I could sense spirits around me, and Satan, Lilith, and Jezebel were there for me that night.
They were hovering over my bed, and speaking to me telepathically, and asking me if I was okay, they were genuinely concerned for me, and wanted to know if I was okay. It was kind of shocking to be honest. These entities are not known for being nice in any way, but they were there for me that night, and God let them be there for me that night, instead of Jesus or someone else, which i find interesting.
This moment and seeing Lilith kneel before Satan made me realize that entities that we think are pure evil, are more dynamic than just evil. They may have evil in them, or have the ability to evil actions, but they can also be good and support others, like they did with me when I was in such an exhausted and vulnerable state after being delivered from Thoth.
I made it back home, and some time passed and I was in a very spiritual moment. My third eye was very awakened. It seems to happen in cycles. That night was a blizzard, and the air was heavy with demonic energy. This time it was the demiurge.
I remember I had dozens if not hundreds of demons in my room, and they were swirling above my bed, and I kept trying to lay down because I was so exhausted, and I kept being told to not lay down because I would squish a spirit, so I chose to not lay down.
I was whistling the avatar theme for the spirits to uplift them and make them feel better, and during this time I was being possessed by spirits. The room was heavy with spiritual energy.
So much happened that I don't want to get into, but it all lead to me being outside in the blizzard, in the snow storm, naked, and laying down in the snow. I had to be very cold for some reason while interacting with these demons, to keep them from overtaking me, and I remember I had to leave my house behind entirely.
My mom came outside before I left the house and I could feel demonic energy, evil spirits, all around her. There was a presence of wrath around her, and she was angry with me, because I had flooded the bathroom of the house while trying to get cold in the shower.
I left the house, there was a foot of snow on the ground, and I was naked and wandering down the street. I would check in with what I thought was God every once in a while to figure out what was happening with the demons in my bedroom.
For some reason when I would have a thought it would affect them in my room. That's really complicated to get into, and I don't understand it, but regardless, I wandered down the street and around the corner, and that is when the police got me.
They handcuffed me, and put me in the back of the police cruiser, and I remember telling God that the Matrix has me. The police called an ambulance, and they came to get me, I remember they transferred me to the ambulance, and they covered me with blankets, but I didn't want to be warm, I didn't have any control over this situation.
My body started to shut down, and I was struggling to even breathe, and that's when the demiurge appeared. They started speaking to me, and controlling my body to keep me breathing, and that's when I submitted to them, thinking that I was on my own, and God had abandoned me. I told them to fill me with demons, and that I would become a demon lord.
As I would breathe, I could feel demons entering me, spirits. When I got to the hospital, I was possessed by a lot of spirits, and my body was in agony. It's very hard to explain what it feels like, but just imagine discordant energy in your body that makes you feel awful, and physically hurts.
I struggled the entire night, and was in absolute agony. After 6-8 hours I was recovered and feeling better, they had admitted me to the hospital at this time, so I was able to rest in a room and eat plenty of food and recover.
My experience with the demiurge was really traumatic though, but that wasn't the end of my experiences with him.
... to be continued...
submitted by TheWhistlingWarrior to Christianity [link] [comments]
Well, I turned 29. I had probably close to 50 jobs, and had a complete discontentment with my life and civilization, and was contemplating suicide, and then I had a full-blown spiritual awakening, saw a vision of Jesus, God and Satan, and went through an immense dark night of the soul and personal transformation of the heart.
I just have this verse on my heart right now thinking about it, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits, [Psalm 18:21]" and it just reminds me of what I said when I was a teenager.
I know God heard that and knew that he wasn't going to let me die of suicide. He was watching me the whole time, and he cared about me, and he didn't want to lose me.
Three years ago, I was a 29-year-old man whose life had become defined by isolation. Once curious and engaged with the world in my youth, I had slowly withdrawn into myself from depression, retreating into the comfort of my room in my mother's house. My agnostic atheism left me without a guiding light, and the mundane realities of life, from my dozens of failed jobs to my ongoing struggles with addiction, weighed heavily on my spirit. I found solace instead in the company of strategy games and suffered deeply in the rabbit hole of conspiracies on the internet.
My addictions had become an ever-tightening grip on my life. I found myself reaching for cannabis, alcohol, video games, fast food, and pornography to fill the void that had grown in my heart over the years. My life had become a series of hollow habits, each one leaving me feeling emptier than before. I could no longer deny that something was deeply wrong.
One day, while browsing online, I stumbled upon a post that claimed Thoth, the ancient Egyptian deity of knowledge and wisdom, could help those who asked for his assistance. Intrigued, I wondered if reaching out to Thoth could provide me with the help I needed.
Weeks passed since reading the post, and as I stood in my shower, my thoughts drifted to the crossroads my life seemed to have come to. I asked myself why I was stuck in a cycle of self-destructive behaviors and why I felt such a profound sense of emptiness. The steam from the shower enveloped me as I said aloud, "Thoth, if you are real, I really need your help right now. I don't want to live like this anymore; I don't want to die yet." As I spoke the words, my hand moved from the side of my body, and then to my forehead and heart, while making a hand-sign and I felt at peace.
I was stunned, realizing the hand-sign I had made was eerily similar to ones I had seen in paintings of Jesus. I was stunned but felt an unusual calmness wash over me. As I dried off and dressed, I pondered what had just happened. I went to the full-body mirror in my room, looking at myself. I saw someone I no longer recognized, someone I no longer wanted to be.
Once more, I said, "Thoth, if you are real, will you help me? This isn't who I want to be anymore." I stared at myself in the mirror, and slowly a vision began to form in my eyes. It wasn’t Thoth I saw, but Jesus.
Jesus appeared with long brown hair, a brown beard, brown eyes, and light brown skin. Half of his face was illuminated by light, while the other half was cast in shadow. The vision of Jesus was so vivid that it left me both in awe and at peace. As the vision of him faded, I remember reaching out to him because I didn't want him to go, I could tell he was here to help.
As night fell, I lay in my bed, lost in deep contemplation. I revisited the events of the day, focusing on the vision of Jesus. The clarity of the vision was imprinted on my mind, and I couldn't shake the feeling that it held a deeper meaning. I pondered the nature of good and evil, and how they were intertwined in a complex dance of duality. I found myself questioning whether the traditional view of evil as something to be hated and shunned was truly the right approach. Instead, I began to entertain the idea that perhaps evil people and perhaps even evil itself, could be understood with compassion and empathy, instead of hatred and disgust.
As I continued to ponder, I experienced a peculiar sensation in my head. It was as though something shifted in the center of my brain, around the area of my third eye or pineal gland. There was a slight pop like a tearing or crunching sound, it was not painful, but surprising nonetheless. I then felt a fluid movement from the left hemisphere of my brain to the right hemisphere, using the third eye as a bridge or something. This shift brought me a sense of balance and calmness I had not felt before. I realized I had been living predominantly in the logical part of my brain, instead of emotional side.
As I embraced this newfound state of relaxation, I began to see another vision in my mind. This time, it was God who appeared. God had long white hair, a white beard, and wore white robes and sandals. Then God began dancing, moving with joy and lightheartedness.
Before I could fully process what I was seeing, another figure appeared alongside God. It was Satan, with red skin and horns. Satan seemed curious and playful, attempting to imitate God's dance moves with enthusiasm. The sight of these two seemingly opposing forces dancing together struck me as surreal.
As I watched them dance, I found myself smiling, and really enjoying the moment. Then, my mind wandered to the Russian squat dance, a thought that seemed to come out of nowhere. To my amazement, God began performing the Russian squat dance, his movements precise and fluid. I couldn't help but laugh. It was awesome and hilarious.
Slowly, they both faded away, leaving me in a state of awe and wonder. I realized that my third eye had opened, granting me access to a deeper level of perception and understanding.
I lay in my bed for a few moments, attempting to grasp the profound implications of the vision I had just experienced. The reality of the spiritual world was undeniable now. God, Jesus, Satan, and other spiritual beings were real, their presence deeply embedded within my new understanding. This stark realization overwhelmed me, and I felt an immense fear wash over me, it was like the Eye of Sauron was upon me, or the eye of Satan.
I began pacing frantically around my room, gasping for air as I tried to process the magnitude of my new awareness. My mind felt as if it were on the brink of shattering; I couldn't comprehend what was happening. The very foundation of my reality had shifted, leaving me teetering on the edge of my sanity.
Despite my racing thoughts and heart, I managed to steady myself using deep breathing techniques I had learned in the past from Wim Hof. My frantic pace gradually slowed, and I returned to my bed, trying to make sense of everything.
I deduced that the condition commonly known as schizophrenia might not be what people thought it was. Instead, it could be an individual's heightened sensitivity to the spirit world, a world most people never perceived.
As I lay in bed, still reeling from my panic, I suddenly saw a vision of Satan. He had red skin and horns, and spoke directly to me, expressing admiration for my deduction. Satan confirmed that what I thought was true: many people were speaking to demons, believing themselves to be schizophrenic. This deceptive world was, indeed, a harsh reality.
I tried to take in Satan's words, but a sensation of something being pulled out of me struck me. It felt as though my very soul was being drained from my body. My energy depleted rapidly, and I was overcome by a sense of impending doom. I lost control of my bodily functions, believing that I was moments away from death.
At the moment when I thought I was succumbing to death, I caught sight of an Easter lily I had bought earlier that day, sitting on my desk. The sight of the beautiful lily sparked a powerful desire to live within me. Fueled by a newfound will to survive coursing through me, I leaped out of my bed, and began pacing back and forth in my room once more, gasping for air.
As I walked, I experienced a series of visions featuring characters I admired and found inspiration from—Master Yoda from Star Wars, Aang from Avatar: The Last Airbender, and Neo from The Matrix. I realized that God had shown me these characters because they were a source of moral guidance and strength in my life.
My thoughts then turned to the physical pain I was experiencing. My awareness of the spirit world had heightened significantly, causing my brain to start heating up, and I felt a piercing pain and ballooning sensation near my right temple, which deeply concerned me.
Every time I had a thought, I could feel my brain stem wiggle and I would feel pain in my right temple, so I had to learn to still or quiet my mind. Recognizing that I needed to take action to cool my head and relieve the pain, with a sort of just knowing of what I had to do, I resolved to get a large bowl of ice water and head to the basement.
I quietly left my room so as not to wake my mother, who was sleeping in her room nearby, and ventured downstairs to the basement
At this point you could say I was "possessed" by spirits, Thoth, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I was able to rest my consciousness in my third eye, and the Holy Spirit, Thoth, or Jesus could help me and take move my body to keep me alive. There was no way for me to survive without help.
The holy spirit showed me a specific breathing technique to diffuse the energy in my brain by inhaling through my mouth deeply, and then exhaling through my nose in the water. The vibration of exhaling through my nose into the water would cause my brain to feel soothed for a little while, likely stimulating my vagus nerve too, and I believe it was doing something with the fluid in my brain. When I was able to not be at the water, I had to keep pressure on the center of my forehead to rest in my third eye so they could help me.
I remember pacing between the two sections of my basement, and Thoth was helping me breathe just to stay conscious. One half of the basement was bright with light with concrete floors, which is where the bowl of water was, the washer and drier, a sink, and four litter boxes. On the other side of the basement was dark with a carpeted floor and a wood fireplace. The basement's light was painted in the duality of light and dark.
I remained in the basement until the sun rose, soaking my head in icewater, and pacing back and forth between the dark and light rooms because i would become overly sensitive to one particular room, and I was just trying to breathe to stay conscious. I was battling the spirit of fear the entire night. The fear from my initial awakening and the fear of death over and over again, hundreds if not thousands of times.
I soaked my head in the ice water all night, getting momentary breaks from the water, and certain I was going to die hundreds of times from a brain hemorrhage, I stood on the hard pavement for hours, I remember Jesus was my legs at one point, I could feel him focusing through me to keep me standing. I continuously soaked my head in the ice water to combat the piercing pain and ballooning sensation in my right temple. Throughout the night, I heard voices speaking to me—some belonging to what I would call demons and others to angels.
The demons tried to instill fear in me, convincing me I was going to die. While the angels offered comfort and reassurance, telling me I would be okay. Despite the torment I endured, I found profound inner strength and refused to give up. I remember squeezing my Celtic cross necklace so hard during this time.
The sun rose on the second day, I had been awake all night, I was beyond exhausted. I don't remember all of the specifics of this time, my awakening was very traumatic, but several hours passed and I remember being told that I needed to grab a book and go outside down the street and sit by a tree. I refused, and Satan said, "Do you want to die?" I said "No," and grabbed a book and went outside and walked down the street to a tree and sat with my back leaned against it.
I read my book for about 10 minutes when two women carrying their babies in slings approached me, and asked me what I was reading. I told them the name of the book, Inner Engineering by Sadghuru, and they said that they were doing a prayer walk, and wanted to share the gospel message with me. I knew this was a divine appointment. This was meant to happen.
They shared the gospel message with me, and then offered to let me join their community of house churches, and gave me the number of one of their husbands so I could call and get connected with them.
I spent the rest of the day relaxing, but was unable to sleep and barely ate anything, and once the night fell, I was in the basement again, soaking my head in ice water. I would often get relief during the days when the sun was out, and then at night, it was a brutal spiritual battle all night in the basement where I was fighting for my life.
On the second day, I was in the kitchen, and I had the right side of my head in the ice water, and was moving my head up to breathe in through my mouth, and then I would tilt my head back down and exhale my entire breath out through my nose. I didn't know what I was doing, I was just listening to guidance from what I believe was the holy spirit.
After around 15-20 minutes of intense exhaling through my nose, a ton of white viscous liquid started coming out of my nose, and filling the bowl, it wasn't painful at all, it was a massive relief, and the excess fluid in my head was somehow being drained out. When the process was done, I remember I felt amazing, incredible actually, like my head was clear of all confusion, and I was so very much alive and conscious.
I went outside and was swinging a stick like a sword and having fun, and I think I got a little overzealous and jumped the fence behind my house, and started going on an adventure. After around 3-5 minutes though, the fluid started building back up, and I had to soak my head in a puddle to keep my brain cool. When I returned home, I went back to the water to soak my head. I still hadn't slept.
That night was brutal, and I was suffering badly, and I remember I was sitting on the dark side of the basement, but I had turned on the lamp. I was sitting on pillows, and I had just been soaking my head in the water. Satan then told me that in order to save the world, I would have to die by popping my third eye. I don't know why I believed him, I didn't have discernment at the time, and I was just following whatever guidance was coming my way, but I know that I had to do that to find my true strength.
I sat for a moment and contemplated. I grabbed a wooden walking stick that was nearby, and I moved it to my forehead, and pushed it into the center of my head as hard as I could until my arms literally gave out. I thought of my mom and sister, and I wanted the world to be free from suffering, but I wasn't meant to die that day. I cried very hard, and I learned that the human skull is very strong. I got up and went back to the ice water, and my forehead was numb.
Eventually, after three days and nights of this suffering, following the path God laid out before me, I reached my complete breaking point. I declared to the spirits that I had had enough. I was done soaking my head in ice water and I slowly and bravely removed my head from the bowl of water.
I was shivering so badly. These weren't just cold shivers, these were spiritual shivers, they shake you to your very core. I felt awful. Those who have been delivered will know what I am speaking about when I saw spiritual shivers. I spread out pillows on the floor, and lay down to rest. As I settled in, I pulled the blanket over me, and I remember I felt the comforting presence of Jesus, he was tucking me in.
I slept for just a few hours and awoke up early on Saturday morning. I remember my head hurt and it felt like the left side of my head was full of fluid. I grabbed the bowl of ice water, and this time, however, I decided to sit outside. The pain in my head was still excruciating, and I thought I might die.
My mother saw me outside, and concerned about my well-being, approached me to check if I was okay. I told her to call the ambulance because I needed help, and she quickly complied. When the paramedics arrived, they took me to the hospital, where I hoped I would receive the medical care I desperately needed, but that wasn't what was in store for me.
I got to the hospital, and the medical establishment, unfortunately, has no empathy or concern for people's mental sufferings. I asked them for water to drink because I was so dehydrated, and they wouldn't give me water.
Then, I got admitted to the hospital, and they finally gave me some juice and a snack, and I was starting to relax, but then a voice came into my head, it was Satan, and he made me think I needed to soak my head in the icewater again and expel the white viscous fluid again, so I started panicking a bit and had them bring me a bowl of ice water, and I began soaking my head.
They had probably never seen anything like what I was doing, and thought I was just crazy, because they basically came after me and tied me to the bed, and forcefully injected me with something to make me calm down or sleep, and then they didn't talk to me at all anymore throughout the night.
I am claustrophobic, so being tied down was absolute torture for me. They left me in the dark hospital room suffering all night, tied to the bed, thinking I was going to die the entire night, and then finally the sun rose on the horizon, and when the nurse came in to draw my blood in the morning, I asked them to request security to release me from the restraints. They have no empathy for people. Something is deeply wrong with the medical system.
Anyways, they finally sent me to an in-patient mental health clinic which is honestly just a warehouse for people to take meds, sleep, and eat, away from society. It was honestly a welcome respite, but there's no therapy available at these places. Which means no real internal healing is taking place for people suffering.
Once I got to the in-patient mental health clinic, I spent the first day mostly just relaxing, but there was a man there that was definitely possessed by a demon. He would be shouting a bunch of biblical verses about the kingdom of God, and a lot more, and then he would be on the floor the next, flailing around, being tortured by a demon. One of the other patients there told me he is being tortured by something, and I see what she means now.
I spent the rest of my time there recovering the best I could, and just taking the meds to calm down, and try to get some sleep, and spent time listening to people's stories. One of the girls there told me that the wound on my forehead from when I pushed the wooden staff into my forehead, looked like a cross, and she was right.
When I got out of the in-patient mental health clinic, I called the number that I had received during my three days and nights dark night of the soul.
I joined their community of house churches, and was studying the Bible with them for several months and meeting with them frequently, and I thought I had found my forever friends. We would go on prayer walks, and I was eventually baptized at a lake, and thought that I had a new life of faith waiting for me with new friends.
They were concerned about my well-being and cared about me, but a small part of me felt like I was being controlled by them too, like they wanted me to conform to all of their beliefs and everything in the Bible as fact, and the word of God, and I have always been very sensitive to manipulation since I was a child, and I could tell they were manipulating me. They never left room for me to be myself, and share my beliefs without condemnation, which is a major red flag.
Recognizing this, I distanced myself from them, and went on my own spiritual journey where I spent months conversing with the spirit world in my backyard. walking in circles. I spoke to God and Satan/Lucifer and was trying to come to understanding why Satan would reject God's will.
After some time, I realized I was just being tortured, and I needed help. I was suffering from a lot, and I needed deliverance. Satan had taken up a seat in my mind because I let him, and I had demons hurting me. I reached out to the Christian group again after several months of being distant from them, and they said there was an opportunity to move in with some Christian brothers and live with them, so I jumped on the opportunity. I was so excited. I was on fire for God.
I got to the house, and moved my stuff in, and then the night fell on the first night, and the enemy was not having it. The demons and Satan were not having it. They did NOT want me living with my brothers in Christ because they knew I was detached from all the boxes of thought control, and I was living in the spirit, wasn't a slave of mind or spirit. They wanted to destroy our relationship, between us, the brothers of Christ, and they did.
I don't remember the exact sequence of events, but I was entirely in the spirit at the time, I was detached from my body in a way, and just following the path laid out before me. I could feel that I needed to go outside and walk the neighborhood as a part of my spiritual path, so I left the house, and walked barefoot throughout the neighborhood.
While walking the neighborhood, I was in full spirit mode, I was communicating with God and Jesus, and they were guiding me on my path. I saw visions of them sitting beside a tree and trimming off rotten fruit, which I think was symbolic of them removing rotten fruit from my mind. I also saw them sweeping out a room and cleaning it, as if symbolic of my mind, and them cleaning my mind and purifying it. I also remember seeing a symbolic vision of myself holding up a golden gemstone encrusted goblet to God.
During that night, I declared war on the principalities of darkness. Against the forces of darkness. I saw skulls in the clouds, and could tell they were communicating with me as they are spirits of the air.
My feet were bloodied from walking around the neighborhood barefoot, I was completely lost all night, I was new to the neighborhood too, and had no idea where I was, so I wandered for hours throughout the night, so hungry, tired, and thirsty, and just physically and mentally exhausted, but I endured. That night made me realize how strong I really am when I let go of everything and trust in God. When I completely become the spirit instead of the body. The human body is incredible and capable of withstanding far more than we know.
Finally, I found my way to the house, and my footsteps were spilling blood on the front porch. The door was locked, and I knocked, and one of the brothers let me in, and I went to my bedroom. I couldn't sleep at all, my mind was very active, it was very similar to when I had my spiritual awakening, I was just unable to sleep because of how active my mind was. I spent the whole night awake.
The next day, I was suffering horrible spiritual attack, my head was in pain and I was holding my head just to feel comfortable, and one of the brothers called a friend of theirs to come and do a deliverance. I remember them being very bold, but gentle... firm, but kind to me, as they expelled some of the demons through prayer. It wasn't a painful deliverance or too exhausting, it was gentle by comparison. I felt much better after the deliverance, hungry and thirsty again, and wanted to nourish my body. I spent the rest of the day relaxing a bit, and listening to the other believers talk about the Bible, and their beliefs.
That night, I was delivered again, and it was awful. My brothers in Christ shouldn't have done the deliverance, but I don't know if I even would have made the rest of the night it if they didn't. I think the holy spirit guided them to do the deliverance, but it went out of control.
I was in my room, suffering deeply, holding my head, and all three brothers who lived there came up to my room to check on me, and pray for me. Their prayers turned into a full blown deliverance, and demons were screaming out of me for around half an hour straight. They were casting them out in the name of Jesus, but it was awful, it's one of my most traumatic memories. I was suffering so badly, and honestly I could tell the demons were suffering so badly, and my brothers in Christ had zero empathy for me.
After speaking with demons, the brothers wanted to speak with me again, so I came to, I asked them for water, and they denied me, and they just continued the deliverance without giving me a break. I had been suffering for around 45 minutes straight, with demons screaming out of me, and I was beyond exhausted, I was so dehydrated, and I just needed to stop. They didn't care, they kept going.
They kept shouting at these demons in the name of Jesus to leave, and eventually after another ten minutes, I realized, nothing was happening, we weren't getting anywhere, the demons weren't coming out, and they asked to speak with me again, and I came to the forefront and regained control, and tried talking to them, but they were gone. The demons had got into them somehow, and they were filled with hatred and revulsion for me. They all had the same facial expression of hatred and revulsion for me.
I went around the room and pleaded with them that it was me, but they didn't believe me, they were gone, checked out, I tried bringing up memories of what had happened between us that were specific to each person to bring them to understanding that it was me, and in fact not a demon speaking, but they thought I was a demon speaking.
They all grabbed ahold of me, and pinned me down on the bed, but I knew where this was going, the demons in them were going to flood me with fear and fill me with demons again, and I wasn't going to have that, I wasn't going to let them win.
I flailed out of their grasp, told them to get off me, and ran down the stairs and out of the house. I remember as I was running out, Satan told me, "You are the most free person on the planet."
I ran outside, and even the weight of my clothes felt like too much, I was panicking from the trauma of the deliverance and the attack from my brothers, and I stripped off all my clothes and ran down the alley way in the middle of the night and got away from the house.
There were no light, and no one around, and no one followed me, so I just ran down the alley way, and found an abandoned car to sit on for a few minutes until I got a message from God that it was time to go grab my clothes and put my clothes on.
I put my clothes back on, and started walking away from the house because I needed to get some air. That is when one of the other brother's in Christ, the one that I had called initially to join their community of house churches, was there. I think he was guided by the holy spirit to show up there that night.
Anyways, we walked back to the house, and when we got there, there was a cop car and an ambulance there. I guess the brothers had called for a wellness check on me. They wanted to bring me to the hospital to have me evaluated. I protested, but just wanted them to leave me alone, I went with them, and went to the hospital.
Much to no one's surprise, they did nothing for me at the hospital. They just put me in a room where I waited around for 6-8 hours, until I was finally released. I didn't go back to the brother's house though. When they offered me an uber, I went back to my mom's house. I wasn't going to live with them anymore after what they did to me...
A couple weeks passed and two of the brothers who did the deliverance called me, and wanted to schedule a time to meet up so they could minister to me. They came over to my house, and basically told me that I was still demon possessed, and made me feel like there was something wrong with me, and then when I confronted them and asked them if they had a problem with me, they lied to my face, and said that they didn't have a problem with me.
About a month passed and the last brother that was a part of deliverance contacted me and invited me to go to church with him. I told him how that experience made me feel, how I was claustrophobic from childhood trauma and that being pinned down by everyone was horribly traumatic, and he said, "Do you feel better now?" in a sarcastic tone. He completely dismissed how I felt, that hurt me badly.
I went to church with him once, but never went with him again, I also never reconnected with any of the other brothers, and then my life started to become very spiritual. God had a path of understanding laid out before me that most people will not tread.
I began to try to become friends with demons and minister to them and try to turn them to Christ. I had a lot of visions during this time, and I cried a lot. I would walk around my neighborhood and see visions of demons sitting on top of the apartment buildings.
When I would go home, I would have visions of demons in my basement, and would have to drive them out in the name of Jesus. I would speak to them too, and wait and listen for them to telepathically communicate with me.
I remember I was suffering badly though, and I needed to go to in-patient mental health again for help. I needed the meds and a place where I could rest and relax.
During my time there, I was communicating with a spirit named Jezebel, and during that time I was suffering very badly. I won't get into all of the details, but I was becoming friends with her, and we shared a deep laugh about something that I cannot remember anymore, but I remember the laugh. It felt so good to laugh after suffering so badly.
During my time while I was there I was seeing visions of my own death. I was seeing people suffering from demonic attack and spirits of confusion. They couldn't remember who they were, or who other people were.
I prayed for a woman to be delivered that night in her sleep, and the next day she was bright and fresh and happy, and doing so much better. God performed a miracle on her, and saved her. She was a normal person again after entering the hospital in a complete state of confusion. It was miraculous. I was honestly jealous, because I was suffering so badly, and she was delivered overnight in her sleep in a relaxed way, while my time had been so intense.
While I was there though, I was under heavy attack, but I pulled through, God pulled me through too, but when I got home, the journey wasn't over though. I was in a spiritual state for a while, and was seeing visions. I could rest in my third eye, and see the spirit world. It was exhausting, I saw a lot of demons, and had to drive them out in the name of Jesus.
Then one night, I was downstairs, and I was with Satan, Lilith, and a spirit calling itself Baal. I remember Baal was sitting in the middle in front of the fireplace, and Satan was to my left, and Lilith was to my right.
I don't remember what we spoke about, I just spent time with them, and I drank a beer with them, the air was heavy with demonic energy, and then I remember Lilith went over to Satan and kneeled before him, and grabbed him by the hand tenderly and asked him to turn away from his evil ways.
Satan neither accepted nor refused, and then I remember maybe 5 minutes passed and I was doing a full-blown deliverance on Lilith. I was praying for her, and I could see visions of her on the ground flailing around, it was awful, and I hope she is okay.
I don't know how long after that passed, but I was delivered many times during this phase. I was around demons a lot and they would get into me, and I would have to expel them out through vomiting, and it was excruciating.
Several months passed after that where I was okay, I spent months just relaxing and recovering, playing video games, smoking weed, and just relaxing. It was nice, but it wasn't the end of my journey.
My next journey was against Thoth. While he was a great help at the beginning of my spiritual awakening, he is not a perfect being like God, and he tried to overtake me. It's really hard to explain what he did, but he was viciously attacking me spiritually, and I sought help to go to the in-patient mental health clinic again. That was where I went when things got too spiritually charged. I had Medicaid, so I was able to go as needed.
They didn't send me to in-patient this time though, they sent me to a crisis pivot center, which is basically a residential house that is being used to treat people suffering from mental illness, where you can receive meds and sleep in a sort of half-way house between in-patient mental health and being back in the world at home.
Anyways, I was suffering grotesquely from Thoth, he is a VERY powerful entity, perhaps one of the strongest I have faced, and has been more cruel to me than even Satan, and I remember having a conversation with one of the people working there about how I had asked a false God at the beginning of my spiritual awakening for help to fix my life, and how that had caused a bunch of problems.
Eventually, I realized I was not receiving the care that I needed while at the crisis center, so I had them transfer me to hospital. All I wanted to do was sleep. I had been awake for days, and I just wanted sleep, so I was looking for Ambien when I went to the hospital, and that's what I got.
I remember they had admitted me to the emergency, but it was so full that every room was full, so they had me in the hallway, and I was just exhausted, and in a very tired state, but my third eye was opened, and I could sense spirits around me, and Satan, Lilith, and Jezebel were there for me that night.
They were hovering over my bed, and speaking to me telepathically, and asking me if I was okay, they were genuinely concerned for me, and wanted to know if I was okay. It was kind of shocking to be honest. These entities are not known for being nice in any way, but they were there for me that night, and God let them be there for me that night, instead of Jesus or someone else, which i find interesting.
This moment and seeing Lilith kneel before Satan made me realize that entities that we think are pure evil, are more dynamic than just evil. They may have evil in them, or have the ability to evil actions, but they can also be good and support others, like they did with me when I was in such an exhausted and vulnerable state after being delivered from Thoth.
I made it back home, and some time passed and I was in a very spiritual moment. My third eye was very awakened. It seems to happen in cycles. That night was a blizzard, and the air was heavy with demonic energy. This time it was the demiurge.
I remember I had dozens if not hundreds of demons in my room, and they were swirling above my bed, and I kept trying to lay down because I was so exhausted, and I kept being told to not lay down because I would squish a spirit, so I chose to not lay down.
I was whistling the avatar theme for the spirits to uplift them and make them feel better, and during this time I was being possessed by spirits. The room was heavy with spiritual energy.
So much happened that I don't want to get into, but it all lead to me being outside in the blizzard, in the snow storm, naked, and laying down in the snow. I had to be very cold for some reason while interacting with these demons, to keep them from overtaking me, and I remember I had to leave my house behind entirely.
My mom came outside before I left the house and I could feel demonic energy, evil spirits, all around her. There was a presence of wrath around her, and she was angry with me, because I had flooded the bathroom of the house while trying to get cold in the shower.
I left the house, there was a foot of snow on the ground, and I was naked and wandering down the street. I would check in with what I thought was God every once in a while to figure out what was happening with the demons in my bedroom.
For some reason when I would have a thought it would affect them in my room. That's really complicated to get into, and I don't understand it, but regardless, I wandered down the street and around the corner, and that is when the police got me.
They handcuffed me, and put me in the back of the police cruiser, and I remember telling God that the Matrix has me. The police called an ambulance, and they came to get me, I remember they transferred me to the ambulance, and they covered me with blankets, but I didn't want to be warm, I didn't have any control over this situation.
My body started to shut down, and I was struggling to even breathe, and that's when the demiurge appeared. They started speaking to me, and controlling my body to keep me breathing, and that's when I submitted to them, thinking that I was on my own, and God had abandoned me. I told them to fill me with demons, and that I would become a demon lord.
As I would breathe, I could feel demons entering me, spirits. When I got to the hospital, I was possessed by a lot of spirits, and my body was in agony. It's very hard to explain what it feels like, but just imagine discordant energy in your body that makes you feel awful, and physically hurts.
I struggled the entire night, and was in absolute agony. After 6-8 hours I was recovered and feeling better, they had admitted me to the hospital at this time, so I was able to rest in a room and eat plenty of food and recover.
My experience with the demiurge was really traumatic though, but that wasn't the end of my experiences with him.
... to be continued...
2024.05.16 05:43 Free-Gain480 Bars That Didn’t Get Enough Attention
 | This might be a reach… But I think these bars are the ones that actually keep on on the hottest trail with the most likely hood of finding actual evidence. And it’s the most obvious trail. submitted by Free-Gain480 to DarkKenny [link] [comments] I think Kendrick is trying to say that social media is actually the key to the trafficking/persuading of minors. “Then leak videos of themselves TO FURTHER PUSH THEIR AGENDA” Remember, Drake leaked those photos of himself online, playing with his 🍆. We’d be naive to think that only grownups saw those “leaks”. The #1 thing predators do and desire, is try to find victims that aren’t victims in their head; the girls who “want them / approach them”. How many young girls do you think sent messages to Drake after seeing those leaks?… How many of them do you think Drake or his team pursued (assuming “they” exist)? Maybe the most obvious trail, is the one that gets talked about the least… His DMs. Another bar that glues my theory together, “You can’t hide behind that WiFi” (or something similar Kdot said) Hypothetically, Is someone infiltrating his DMs and even retrieving (if possible) deleted messages, actually the way to cracking through the surface of his agenda? |
2024.05.16 05:39 turquoiseanswers I’m really struggling to love my faith again like I used to.
I was a homeschooled only child, raised in a QAnon/conspiracy theorist household. It was just a recipe for disaster, and I’ve slowly been trying to put the pieces together to figure things out.
I kind of thought things were going okay, but covid is what really made my world crumble. Out of everything, I think watching my parents turn into doomsday anti-vaxxers was the most devastating thing I’ve ever endured. I had to hide my covid vaccinations from them because my mom threatened to disown me if I “took the mark of the beast.” My dad thinks it’ll turn people into government controlled zombies. I have no other family, and honestly no strong friendships because I was isolated my entire childhood.
I grew up a huge fan of contemporary Christian music, and having so many of my favorite artists spiral into similar ideologies as my parents made me feel so alone. I won’t name anyone directly, but several have said or posted hurtful things regarding LGBTQ rights, and people like me who still choose to mask up out of caution for covid. One artist I especially loved changed the lyrics and made a mockery of Amazing Grace when I saw him in concert in 2022. He said “since we were in good old Florida, he knew he could get away with it.”
(Trigger warning honestly if you don’t want the song ruined for you)
He sang “My mask is gone, I’ve been set free” and a bunch of other altered verses making fun of anyone who still cared about the pandemic. I felt excruciatingly uncomfortable sitting there in the first couple of rows, the only person in the crowd in a mask. The same artist has also posted stuff endorsing toxic purity culture and also anti-trans things.
He’s not the only one. I’ve really started having a tough time separating the artists from the music. I know of a couple who’ve posted some more inclusive things which is nice, but overall the CCM industry has really been giving me the ick lately. Not only that, but my old church as well.
I stopped attending church shortly before 2020. I’m honestly thankful for that because several of my old “Bible study” friends have become versions of themselves I hardly recognize. Maybe I was just oblivious to it at the less politically charged time, but gosh. I moved away so I haven’t seen them in about 5 years, but I’m still friends with them on Facebook and it’s insane how many seem to have become QAnon/conspiracy theorists like my parents. They were normal in high school, at least I thought they were, so what happened?
I’ve thought about looking for a new church, but I’m not sure if I’m ready yet. I used to pray and worship and read scripture all the time, but now I’m ashamed to say it all feels like a chore. I’m terrified of losing my relationship with God, but I don’t feel authentic in my faith like I used to. Because I’ve been hurt by the people who used to encourage me in my faith, that pain has radiated its way into who I am today: someone who doesn’t know how to feel like myself, because I don’t even know who she is anymore.
I cringe listening to my old favorite worship songs. I want to feel that love for my faith again, but I can’t stop associating it with the insanity I’ve been subjected to.
As a teenager I pledged to “save my first kiss for my wedding day,” and that was something I was honestly happy with, until last year when I realized how absolutely deranged that concept was. Sure, don’t even kiss a man until you’ve signed a lifetime contract promising to never leave him for any reason whatsoever. Oh yeah, and while you’re at it make sure you’re submissive to him in everything because he’s “the head of the household.”
I’m now 27 and still have never had a boyfriend, still haven’t kissed anyone. I’ve been on about 5 dates with men. The first one, I was 21 years old. He was from my Bible study, the one I mentioned earlier. He asked me for nudes after our one and only date and wouldn’t stop pressuring me to send them, even after I told him about my then-delusion of no kissing til marriage. I never gave him any thankfully.
I also didn’t go on another date with anyone until I was 25. I had ONE date to my name at the age of 25, because the one time I trusted a “nice boy from church,” he pulled that stunt and I was revolted.
The second guy I went out with, he was really nice but I just didn’t have feelings for him, which made me guilty for some reason. I don’t think I was ever taught growing up that it’s important to feel a connection with a guy, you’re just expected to take what you can get. We only had that one date. The third guy just wanted a hook up, and I was still hooked on purity culture so it went nowhere.
I didn’t have feelings for the fourth and fifth guys either. I only went out with them because they asked me, and out of loneliness and being too guilty to say no, I talked to them for longer than I should have, wasting everyone’s time.
Now I’m in a weird place where I feel like I need to figure myself out more before I try inviting someone in. But I’m 27, and feel “over the hill,” especially as someone with virtually zero real romantic experience. I definitely don’t want my first kiss to be at the alter, but at the same time I’m conflicted on how the heck to feel comfortable with the idea of gasp having sex outside of marriage. I don’t even know when it would feel “okay.” Is six months into a relationship decently enough? Is that too long to find out if we’re incompatible? I was taught nothing so I’m feeling lost. And it’s hard to keep suppressing my forced tendency of “even holding a man’s hand is cheating on your future husband!”
This post was a little all over the place, but I guess what I’m trying to ask is how do I cope with the loss of who I thought I was? How do I get comfortable with who I am now? I’m horrified at how long I subscribed to my parents’ beliefs without questioning anything. I just adopted anything and everything I was told as “truth,” and it created a clueless, confused adult.
submitted by turquoiseanswers to OpenChristian [link] [comments]
I kind of thought things were going okay, but covid is what really made my world crumble. Out of everything, I think watching my parents turn into doomsday anti-vaxxers was the most devastating thing I’ve ever endured. I had to hide my covid vaccinations from them because my mom threatened to disown me if I “took the mark of the beast.” My dad thinks it’ll turn people into government controlled zombies. I have no other family, and honestly no strong friendships because I was isolated my entire childhood.
I grew up a huge fan of contemporary Christian music, and having so many of my favorite artists spiral into similar ideologies as my parents made me feel so alone. I won’t name anyone directly, but several have said or posted hurtful things regarding LGBTQ rights, and people like me who still choose to mask up out of caution for covid. One artist I especially loved changed the lyrics and made a mockery of Amazing Grace when I saw him in concert in 2022. He said “since we were in good old Florida, he knew he could get away with it.”
(Trigger warning honestly if you don’t want the song ruined for you)
He sang “My mask is gone, I’ve been set free” and a bunch of other altered verses making fun of anyone who still cared about the pandemic. I felt excruciatingly uncomfortable sitting there in the first couple of rows, the only person in the crowd in a mask. The same artist has also posted stuff endorsing toxic purity culture and also anti-trans things.
He’s not the only one. I’ve really started having a tough time separating the artists from the music. I know of a couple who’ve posted some more inclusive things which is nice, but overall the CCM industry has really been giving me the ick lately. Not only that, but my old church as well.
I stopped attending church shortly before 2020. I’m honestly thankful for that because several of my old “Bible study” friends have become versions of themselves I hardly recognize. Maybe I was just oblivious to it at the less politically charged time, but gosh. I moved away so I haven’t seen them in about 5 years, but I’m still friends with them on Facebook and it’s insane how many seem to have become QAnon/conspiracy theorists like my parents. They were normal in high school, at least I thought they were, so what happened?
I’ve thought about looking for a new church, but I’m not sure if I’m ready yet. I used to pray and worship and read scripture all the time, but now I’m ashamed to say it all feels like a chore. I’m terrified of losing my relationship with God, but I don’t feel authentic in my faith like I used to. Because I’ve been hurt by the people who used to encourage me in my faith, that pain has radiated its way into who I am today: someone who doesn’t know how to feel like myself, because I don’t even know who she is anymore.
I cringe listening to my old favorite worship songs. I want to feel that love for my faith again, but I can’t stop associating it with the insanity I’ve been subjected to.
As a teenager I pledged to “save my first kiss for my wedding day,” and that was something I was honestly happy with, until last year when I realized how absolutely deranged that concept was. Sure, don’t even kiss a man until you’ve signed a lifetime contract promising to never leave him for any reason whatsoever. Oh yeah, and while you’re at it make sure you’re submissive to him in everything because he’s “the head of the household.”
I’m now 27 and still have never had a boyfriend, still haven’t kissed anyone. I’ve been on about 5 dates with men. The first one, I was 21 years old. He was from my Bible study, the one I mentioned earlier. He asked me for nudes after our one and only date and wouldn’t stop pressuring me to send them, even after I told him about my then-delusion of no kissing til marriage. I never gave him any thankfully.
I also didn’t go on another date with anyone until I was 25. I had ONE date to my name at the age of 25, because the one time I trusted a “nice boy from church,” he pulled that stunt and I was revolted.
The second guy I went out with, he was really nice but I just didn’t have feelings for him, which made me guilty for some reason. I don’t think I was ever taught growing up that it’s important to feel a connection with a guy, you’re just expected to take what you can get. We only had that one date. The third guy just wanted a hook up, and I was still hooked on purity culture so it went nowhere.
I didn’t have feelings for the fourth and fifth guys either. I only went out with them because they asked me, and out of loneliness and being too guilty to say no, I talked to them for longer than I should have, wasting everyone’s time.
Now I’m in a weird place where I feel like I need to figure myself out more before I try inviting someone in. But I’m 27, and feel “over the hill,” especially as someone with virtually zero real romantic experience. I definitely don’t want my first kiss to be at the alter, but at the same time I’m conflicted on how the heck to feel comfortable with the idea of gasp having sex outside of marriage. I don’t even know when it would feel “okay.” Is six months into a relationship decently enough? Is that too long to find out if we’re incompatible? I was taught nothing so I’m feeling lost. And it’s hard to keep suppressing my forced tendency of “even holding a man’s hand is cheating on your future husband!”
This post was a little all over the place, but I guess what I’m trying to ask is how do I cope with the loss of who I thought I was? How do I get comfortable with who I am now? I’m horrified at how long I subscribed to my parents’ beliefs without questioning anything. I just adopted anything and everything I was told as “truth,” and it created a clueless, confused adult.
2024.05.16 05:38 emeraldstars000 Strange coincidences surrounding the Elisa Lam case ...
- Dark Water
Lam was found in the Cecil Hotel's water tank about a week after the LAPD posted a video of her acting strangely in the elevator. Before her body was found, guests complained about the low water pressure and strange tasting and discolored water. It was almost like life imitated art — people legitimately wondered if someone or some higher power was deliberately playing out the movie's plot.
- Morbid the Death Metal Musician
- LAM-ELISA test For tuberculosis
- The Last Bookstore
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