Kinda Anxious Feeling like What's The Purpose Of Living Sometimes.
Like Just Life People Is Not As Compassionate of someone with differences
As I feel Like Someone in my Position I Would Emphasize and try to understand
And not make Judgements because I'm not in their position
Just I'm Trying Not to Commit Suicide
I'm trying because the Thought is always in the back of my head through the Day
Like People Don't understand Which is understandable since they not on my Two feet
They are Not JaMarcus So They wouldn't Understand JaMarcus Perspective
Just Im Trying to Survive In A World Where I feel I should Die
I'm trying To Cope
Found Working out at home as a good coping mechanism
Mentally and physically
Only last a Hour post workout but really helps my anxiety temporarily
And helps me cope because everyday I wake up and wonder why
People Make me feel like I should Die
Constantly hear you are a burden
Or you are not good enough
I feel like I don't have any talents
And if I did have talents it's limited due to my Agoraphobia and Social Anxiety
and Panic Attacks Generalized Anxiety and Bipolar disorder I have
Feel like Capitalism kinda brutal
If you have a Disability which this issue is disabling
Makes me really sad
Just take the advice of my therapist and try not to dwell on it
Because if I do I probably wouldn't be alive right now . So I try to watch movies or listen to music
Or workout when I feel like that
Doesn't get rid of the feeling of not wanting to live
But it distracts me
Working out definitely does
It just my workout equipment really helps me
It's like having a support animal
Just feel like I'm not ready for a Service Animal or Support animal
I have difficulty leaving my house
And that wouldn't be fair to a animal if I couldn't take them outside to urinate or defecate
So I'm trying to wait until my condition improves so I can maintain another animal
Plus I live alone and don't have a wife or anything that would watch my Animal if I could not do it
Which Is not their responsibility it's mine since it's my animal
So working out at home really helps
I be scared of what my neighbors think
Because I literally tip-toe around my house which is not normal
Because I be scared I'm disturbing the neighbors
Even when I work out I have Silencer Pads that literally absorbed the vibration and sound of my weights
And I don't even drop my weights like a lot of people do
I don't Deadlift I only do bent over rows
And I gently put the weights on my silencer pads
When I lift dumbbells I don't drop my dumbbells on the floor
I gently put them down on my silencing pads
I squat lightly
I ride my cardio bike quietly
I bench press quietly
Just be scared my neighbors would complain
Even though I'm very gentle
And tip toe literally around my house
Because I be scared
I don't even play loud music
Like I have a neighbor that does play loud music
But he doesn't bother me
But I gently have on my noise cancelling headphones
But I'm scared because July 4th is coming up
And fireworks and Gunshots
I get nightmares and bad anxiety
Flashbacks of being shot at by my dad
Some of these fireworks now sounds almost like a gunshot but not quite
A gunshot you feel vibrations a gun has more velocity and force
And loud its scary
Especially them big guns I used to hear in Adamsville
Just I be feeling like I don't deserve to live
Because people make me feel guilty and I didn't ask to have bad anxiety
Got worse after getting shot at and other experiences that happened in my life.
Like People don't understand this just don't effects me Financially and employment wise
It also effects me interpersonally and romantically and recreationally even sexually
I can't even orgasm from sex regardless of how good the Woman feels.
And sometimes I have Erectile issues because of my anxiety
Like I'm limited to just dating apps and social media
Which I rarely be on because of my anxiety..
But people especially Extroverts don't really understand
Because they like people and stuff
Like Wendy Williams Famous Gossiper
Extroverts love crowds they love people
They love parties the more people the more energetic they get
Like when I tried to play Football 🏈 and Basketball 🏀
I quit though regardless of my talent
And basketball I couldn't get the play structure.
Because basketball plays keep going on until someone shoots the ball
Atleast at School level
And my anxiety and Stuff makes it hard to get the plays
And organized basketball is not freestyle like I played at home
Which I was good 1 on 1 or 1 on 2.
I'll quit the basketball or football 🏈 team before the season starts...
Because of the agoraphobia and my Generalized Anxiety
Like Royce White he difficulty riding airplanes which they do in the NBA automatically due to schedule
He couldn't continue A NBA career because of that
Just in practice
Like I relate To Kobe Bryant
I'm not All the way Personality Wise like Kobe Bryant
But Similarities
Like Teammates had a problem with me
Because I didn't go to social gatherings and get pizza and stuff
After practices and scrimmages
Like due to my anxiety I was feeling in practices
I had good practices performance wise if it didn't involve running plays
But they didn't understand
But Teammates always had a problem with me
Call me Stuck Up Arrogant and all kinds of stuff
During the school day
Because my teammates were extroverted like
They like to talk and hangout after practice
And talk in the locker room
And I would immediately go home after practice
Because of my anxiety I was feeling
People don't understand I was having headaches and etc
Because I couldn't go but people get mad
Because they don't understand why I stay in my house
Like People online They extroverts
I attract extroverts
I'm already I guess introverted
Due to My agoraphobia and Generalized Anxiety and panic attacks I get
Just Shaquille O'Neal was More of A Extroverted Guy
I'm assuming Kobe Bryant was More introverted
Especially After The Incident in 2002-2003 probably became more introverted
But Shaq didn't understand
Because he is a extroverted he likes making people laugh being in public places and stuff
That's the part I relate to Kobe Bryant on
Just People don't understand people online get mad because I don't call or text them
Even extroverted family members
They take it so personal if I don't call
They don't understand what it's like to have Agoraphobia and Social Anxiety and Generalized Anxiety and etc
They don't understand they take it so personal
Like I personally don't like them or something
I have family members dead or alive..that's probably were or is mad at me
Because I didn't call them as much
It's not that I don't like them it's just hard to hold a conversation over the phone
But nobody understand since I'm a rare person
People call you lazy or all kinds of stuff
Because they just can't accept that this issue which Been
Effecting me my whole life
They don't understand because it's not them
They think it's not real or I'm faking It or exaggerating it
But this my life
This causes my depression genetically to get worse
I think being housebound and alone
Without social connections
Would make anyone depressed or even suicidal
Because 2020 I seen people feeling the way I feel in my day to day life
And some people still don't understand
Just I also don't like Georgia Whether Albany or Atlanta
I just don't like Georgia
I have so many bad memories and nightmares in Georgia
I'm never going back
I rather kill myself before I go back there.
Pain emotionally, Racism people Act like Atlanta Georgia doesn't have Racism
But This Is Where Dr King is from
Not as bad as Albany Georgia
But it's there not in the inner city
But all throughout the Suburbs and further
They are there
It's White people in Atlanta Metro as well
They keep acting like Atlanta is this black metropolis
Which is not I'm from Georgia
It's Not!!!
I had prejudiced teachers in the metro Atlanta area
They keep acting like Atlanta is this Extremely progressive place
If that's was the case Why Georgia Atleast In my lifetime there
Was red every election since 1992 because I wasn't born yet in 1992
Until I left in 2020
Even during the Obama years
I remember Georgia going red in 2008 before the night was over
They act like we don't have those people down there
Yeah 2020 it was a battleground
But the Obama years it went red quick
Even in 2016 red a little quicker than 2020
Just not true
Not saying Atlanta is Horrible
But it's very Overrated
It's no different than any other major city
People that are not from Georgia saying this
It makes me very mad kinda trigger me
Makes my blood boil
But it's their opinion doesn't mean it's true
Act like Atlanta doesn't have problems
Like HIV issues
It's a bunch of people that don't even know they are HIV positive in Atlanta . Some people scared to get tested which I understand
I wouldn't recommend prep to everyone unless you are a Sex Worker
Or kinda Impulsive like I am
Trying to make people happy and not make people feel weird
Because I wear condoms
Because some people get offended if I want to wear a condom
So HIV Medicine is kinda hard on the kidneys I take prep
Which is a HIV Medicine not 100% but helps but is hard on the kidneys
Since HIV Medicine is very powerful which it should . because it saved a lot of people lives
But as a person that doesn't have HIV it's hard on the kidneys
But Atlanta has problems It has Poverty I lived in impoverished areas on the West Side and Eastside
Throughout my life
Have family members living paycheck to paycheck
It's just like any other American city living paycheck to paycheck
Majority of the City is named after Mr Ted Turner
Mr Turner Had a baseball field named after him
Just Not saying Atlanta is bad but just overrated
It's no different than any other city
Actually when I moved to Atlanta I first seen Snow ❄️
Because Albany Southwest Georgia where I'm from
It doesn't snow it never snows
Maybe ice but doesn't snow
It rains a lot though in South Georgia
More Prone To Floods
Swampy Coastal Plain
Black Belt Cotton Belt they call it.
But Atlanta has homeless people as well
I remember when I first moved to Atlanta in 2006 I remember seeing
Black homeless people sleepy under bridges
And seeing them in centennial Park
And at the crowded underground Atlanta
And of course the train stations
Because it's warm in the train station
It has AC and Heat on the trains
So I don't blame the homeless
They trying to survive
But I remember seeing that all the time
On my end of Martin Luther King Drive
Remember seeing a church's a Kentucky fried chicken and a new Popeyes
On the same street
But no good quality grocery stores
Just family dollars and low quality grocery stores
That unfortunately doesn't have the resources
That's all I seen
I lived on the Westside of Southwest Atlanta for a long time
Remember being on Simpson road now Joseph E Boone
But remember seeing people smoking crack in broad daylight
Remember Seeing impoverished black people
My mom used to work on Simpson road as a property manager at a apartment complex
So I was over there Alot riding Marta with my mom
And I remember seeing the Georgia dome and centennial Park further down
And it looks so good
Vine city train station
Why where the Georgia dome it looks so good
But just further down Simpson road or Joseph E Boone
I see poverty like night and day
I lived there it's has poverty and homeless actually majority of the homeless is black
Cost of living since people is moving to Atlanta at high rates
Rent went up probably not California or New York level
Since those are bigger way larger cities
But Rent is not the same as it was in 2006
I remember you could get a 2 bedroom in a bad area for 700$ in 2006
On Simpson road you could get a 2 bedroom for 500$
But very run down and of course the bluff is across the street
But it's not like that
The music scene Is okay
Personally I don't like it
Atlanta been on top since 2001 when Jermaine dupri came out with Ludacris
And TIP came out with I'm Serious
But I never liked the music scene
I was stuck On Outkast and the 90s East and West
Mainly New York Rappers and Tupac and Kendrick and Ras Kass and stuff.
I know I don't remember I was young
But I grew up On East Coast Rap mainly and Tupac
Just when I was younger I was forced to listen to radio
And V103 used to play guys in Atlanta
And they would play their songs like 5 times in 1 hour
Got tired of it and they never played rappers from other regions
Seem like Atlanta labels payed V103 especially 2013
I had to stop listening
Because I really didn't like the sound
I'm kinda stuck on The Lyrical East Coast sound.
Or Tupac
So I listen mainly to Seattle Grunge and Jazz and Soft Rock
Alternative rock
No Country because not all country music is bad
But gives me prejudice vibes
Because I remember Kid Rock Did A Song with a Country Music Legend
And I remember hearing him and He Said All Kinds Of N-Words and etc
Just life Atlanta is overrated
Just in my experience I got shot at by my dad
Racism which is everywhere
But listening to these people you'll think Atlanta has no racism
Kinda anxious
Just be venting
Because life is hard to live in trying to
Just people don't understand why I have a hard time functioning
Done with the new paragraph
Just going to repost the older paragraph because I'm basically going to type the same thing again like I always do
Just a regular dude venting my life
I talk like this on camera which is exhausting
And off camera to my mom and to myself in my room
Thinking because I do talk to myself since I don't have friends
I don't answer my self
But speak aloud my thoughts and feelings to release tension and stress
So this just me venting on my life.
This something I been feeling Since I was like 5 years old
I kinda knew when I was 17 it was going to be even rough adulthood than childhood
Which I tried to kill myself in 2010 when I was on Gresham road
Which that Was behind the scenes at home
Only my brother and mother seen it
Just I kinda tried numerous jobs
From McDonald's to Goodwill to factories working upwards to 16 hours some days
Trying to push through but my body couldn't handle that
Like I was feeling "Flight or Fight" responses like I was Running From Being Shot at night
By My Dad in 2011
Still have nightmares about that it just doesn't go away
And more scenarios in my childhood as well I'm not going to disclose.
People don't understand I jump when I hear gunshots
I try to not look crazy around people
So I try to look normal
But every time I hear a gunshot or something my heart starts pumping
And I start feeling exhausted and sad
Like I can't control if someone shoots a gun or pops a firecracker
But I try to put on my noise cancelling headphones
Even certain songs I have to mute if I hear a gunshot sound
If I can catch it
Even movies I'm not familiar with
I try to mute sounds if a gunshot scene comes
If I can catch it
This really a big issue
But people don't see that when I have to mute my TV
They also don't see
When I have bad days
They probably don't see if I have good days
I try to get laughs in
Because laughter is natural medicine
To distract from the negative thoughts I have everyday
They don't see due to my meds
That have me very sleepy which I take at night.. but carries on to the next morning
Sometimes I wake up at 12 pm sometimes late as 5 pm
Seroquel just does that
Even I tried waking up early I end up going back to sleep
I literally have to take a pre workout supplement
Which has caffeine which makes my anxiety worse
Just to fight it the medicine
Like I workout it's the best medicine
Better than any Prescription drug I don't do recreational drugs
But it naturally gets rid of my anxiety while working out at home
Didn't work In a commercial gym.
Which this gym equipment saved my life
It really helps me
If I lose that I probably will kill myself
And I was at risk of Type 2 diabetes
And my blood work was off due to I couldn't work out since I didn't leave my house
And of Course mentally I got really depressed since I didn't have no coping mechanism
I be depressed Alot but working out helps me cope with the thoughts I have
And temporarily gets rid of my anxiety
But only last 1 hour post workout
And anxiety comes back
Some people think I'm on steroids
Which I think I'm small
But I can't keep a stable job
Plus steroids cost money
If I can barely afford food and amino acids
Which comes from protein and food
How can I afford steroids?
I never took a steroid
I don't even take creatine anymore
Because my kidneys
And I have health issues which my natural testosterone is ok
So I have no reason to take steroids and I'm not competing in bodybuilding shows
I'm not a YouTuber or social media influencer making $1000s or even 100,000$
Making money on the Internet so I don't have a reason to
Plus due to the medicine I take it effects my Kidneys
Like I hope my kidneys are ok
Because I love to workout and it really helps me
I probably would kill myself if I can't workout and build muscle anymore
I don't use steroids
Just men's vitamins and fish oil and beta alanine and protein and amino acids from protein
I eat 200 grams daily since I'm 235 right now
Just hope my kidneys get back normal
Because I take a lot of medicine
Might have to stop one of my medications
Because I take Prep Which is A HIV medicine
Because I'm so paranoid of Contracting HIV
But I Don't even have sex like that since I don't leave my house
But I just take prep because I be scared I'm going to get HIV for a Hypothetical reason
Which I know HIV medicines I don't have HIV
I understand if I had it
But I don't Have HIV I take Prep Which is a HIV Medicine to prevent Catching it
Which HIV meds is hard on the kidneys
But Weird Thing is I don't even have sex
I haven't had sex with a woman since 2022
I haven't been in a relationship since 2019
Which was my only relationship with a woman
Just I Do Have a Desire for sex like every other human being
But Masturbating is such a lonely experience
And sometimes gets depressing

Long ass post. No need to read just need to talk to someone. This is one of the only places I can. So thanks for letting me vent friends ✌️❤️
Big appointment at the transplant center I go to tomorrow. Been 2 years and 4 months since diagnosis. Been 2 years and 4 months since I've had a drink. If I'm being honest....this one scares me.
MRI to check on my tumors or lesions or hell spots or whatever they are. Got the call a little over a year ago telling me I had cancer. HCC. They scheduled ablation surgery immediately as a bridge to a transplant. That was a tough trip going there. The person that took me drinks. Quite a bit. Was my dad actually.
I couldn't afford a room so we stayed in one of the free rooms my center offers. Small room. I was a mess. Between what spironolactone did to me and HE I was not in a good place mentally. He brought bourbon and I kept smelling it. Infuriated me. Started to spiral. After hiding in the crazy small bathroom for a couple hours watching a Billy strings show online I couldn't take it. Walked to a store and bought a pack of smokes. Had a couple on the way back. He gets cold so when I got back to the room it was sweltering hot. Couldn't drink enough water to stay hydrated it felt like. Kept going outside to smoke. Stupid.
He stayed up, I tried to sleep. Still smelling booze. Somehow fell asleep in a fitful way. Bad nightmares. Remembering my hallucinations (which were truly terrible) from when I first turned yellow and went down, after shitting blood for like a year. When I woke up it was hot. Like Florida hot. Was covered in sweat. Took a shower...bathroom had no vent. Kept sweating. Shirt was wet when I finally went to the waiting room. They had taken my blood the night before and everything seemed fine. I must have had HE bc they were using an ultrasound to locate the tumors to determine the best route to zap them... and they looked....hungry? Idk. Scary. I had the crazy thought they were trying to harvest my organs for the black market.
Finally they got me in pre op. Took more blood as a formality to clear me for surgery. I had the IV for anesthesia in my arm. Was ready to go. The surgeon came in the room with a look on his face that was not a happy look. He told me my bilirubin had spiked among other things....and I wasn't healthy enough to survive the surgery.. told me to come back in a month and "try to be healthy" 🙄 they also gave me a PETH test bc they thought I had been drinking bc they smelled it....but it wasn't me that smelled like bourbon. Test was negative for booze.
On the drive home I accepted I was going to die. Had on sunglasses but they couldn't hide the tears rolling down my face. I did something I hadn't done in a long time. I prayed. Not for healing...but for forgiveness. I've never felt such agony as when I thought of the things I had done. As an addict I've stolen from loved ones....totalled 6 or 7 cars, I can't remember...I was a piece of shit. No ambition besides getting enough money to stay high and drunk. I repented....learned the true meaning of that word. And it devastated me.
But...then something happened...a peace I have never known but always searched for ran through my body like electricity. My tears of devastation turned to tears of joy. For the first time I didn't feel like I was talking to myself while praying. I was being actively listened to....and I was not alone and I was loved. Was no doubts....was a Fact in my mind. Still is.
I went back a month later in a much better headspace. This is already too long so I'll cut it short. But in the waiting room for the MRI this time to locate the tumors I prayed again. Again not for healing....but for if it was part of the plan...for Him to put his hand on my liver and show these people that miracles aren't a myth. They are every bit as possible now as they were thousands of years ago. The next day I went to the waiting room for surgery. They took me back and told me to wait for the doctor.
He came in with another strange look on his face and my stomach dropped. Like falling in a dream. He looked at me and said... we can't do the surgery 😞 I took a deep breath and said Just tell me. He smiled. Said we can't do the surgery because there isn't anything to operate on. They've shrunk from LI-RAD5s to a little under LI-RAD3s in 1 month. No longer classified as cancerous. Now...that could change. They've stuck at 3s without anymore shrinkage. If they do shrink...it's not cancer. If they grow it is...but it's a slow growing cancer and there will be time. And if not...it's okay...although it scares me. I already got all the confirmation I needed.
Im not trying to preach or push my faith on anyone. Just relating my story. And to say don't ever give up. Keep fighting until the last breath. Gratitude, love, and faith made all the difference for me. Thank you guys...so very much. For letting me be a part of this..our Island of misfit toys. You all have been instrumental in saving my life and my soul. So I mean it....thank you. I love yall. I really do. Keep up the good fight. If you made it this far, I'm sorry to have made you read all that lol. But appreciate being able to talk about it. So...hopefully not for the last time friends...✌️&❤️

I am a mid 30 year old guy and am an attractive one at that. I do pretty well IRL and attract women whom I am attracted to with no problem. I get hit on at the grocery store, in book stores, at bars, even on the streets sometimes... So I know I am above average looking at the very least.
Here's the thing though, I don't get out very often due to a number of reasons... I work from home, my dog is dying and can't go on walks anymore, I struggle with on and off chronic depression, and... laziness lol. Among one other thing I'm working on but so far... it's winning unfortunately.
I have a good bio and prompts and my pics are all good BUT, they are all quite boring and make ME look like a boring person but, they are the only pics I have... They are all taken by my mom during holidays or trips but, super posed and unexciting? I've asked her to just take candid pics but I don't think she gets what exactly that means so I'm always left with semi-posed pictures lol.
My friends never take pictures and if they do, I don't know it and won't ever see them anyways. I'm not a boring person but my pictures definitely portray that. I live in an apartment so it's kinda hard to use a tripod and take "candid" pics of me doing fake things lol, so idk... I guess I'm kind of stuck.
I don't care about having lots of matches or likes. Quality over quantity for me and the matches I DO get, are always very quality and I do end up with dates from them. Usually 3 at the least however, dating is just weird and people go MIA for whatever reason so it's difficult to find anyone who sticks when the quality matches are so sporatic.
Anyways, I'm curious... how much do a mans pictures cause you to right/left swipe? Even if the profile itself is decent?

I went to a matress firm last week and my partner quite liked how soft the Purple Restore Premier was. They had 3 other purples and to be honest you couldn't really tell any difference between the other 2 they had on display (the purple restore plus and purple plus).
Afterwards I did some searching online and I saw the purple website has a firm and soft option for each bed. I'm wondering if it's possible the difference we noticed was primarily due to that rather that? The matress firm store and website does not include these labels or options.

In honor of my parents' upcoming 24th anniversary and my aunt's 6th I am going to share the chaos we all experienced 6 years ago today.
To start off, I will say that my aunt is not known for making good decisions or having good judgement. She gets herself into sticky situations and then relies on my mom (her older sister) or my grandma to rescue her.
About 7 years ago, after a disastrous engagement that ended explosively, my aunt started dating a new guy. We'll call him A and my aunt M. They dated for about three months before my aunt got pregnant. She was in her mid-40s at the time, so it was definitely unexpected. A wasn't super happy (I'll touch on why later), but he stepped up and accepted that he was going to be a dad. They moved in together and M said she wanted to get married.
A is an elementary school principal and M worked for a small non-profit, so neither of them were making much money. But A bought a ring and proposed and they were making things work. Then M decided to officially introduce A to the rest of the family.
We all had dinner at my grandma's house and it was super awkward. A is a loud, blunt guy who says what's on his mind, and he wasn't fond of us. My aunt later explained to my mom and grandma why.
A's parents died when he was in his early teens and he and his sister lived with his aunt afterwards. She wasn't a good guardian and he was pretty miserable. His sister was also a disaster in her own right and he was ready to get away from them all. Now, my grandma raised my mom and aunt as a single mom since my mom was 9 and my aunt was 5(?) (I don't remember how much older my mom is... oops!) My great grandma and great aunt were closely involved too, and the five of them were all super close, and still are. (RIP Great Grandma). Apparently, A was jealous and resentful of how close M was with her family and he didn't want us in their future kids' life because it was unfair.
A didn't outright ban M from seeing us but he was very vocal in his displeasure. As you can imagine, this caused a lot of fights. But they went ahead with the wedding.
They decided to get married on the beach in our town. M is Jewish, so she rented a chuppah (this is important later). She booked a few hotel rooms at a beachside hotel so she had a place to get ready and so my grandpa and his partner (who were flying in from across the country), had a place to stay. My grandpa's partner can't walk very well so a room near the wedding spot was requested by my grandpa. (Yes, they could have just been driven there and dropped off. My grandpa just didn't think of it I guess.)
My mom's contribution to the wedding was to buy my aunt her bouquet, and to surprise her by flying in her best friend from college (who lives in Kazakhstan). Part 2 of the surprise went great. Part 1 did not.
And so, we get to the fun part of the story. (Note: my aunt is 6 months pregnant at the time of the wedding.)
The wedding is supposed to start just before sunset. We arrive, we go to the spot on the beach, we say "hi" to A, and we wait for things to start. My aunt's best friend (she can be known as K) surprised her in her hotel room as she was getting ready. They had a sweet reunion and then it was K's job to come out and let us know that M was about to come out.
So, K comes out to the beach. The music starts. Good. Great. There's just one problem. The officiant has disappeared.
The officiant, who was A's close friend, apparently had a really bad fungal infection on his foot and the sand was bothering him (and because it was a beach wedding, A and M wanted everyone to be barefoot). My dad and I went searching and we found him washing his foot in the sink in a bathroom block. Super gross. Since we were in a tourist-y area, there were several stores. So my dad ran to one and bought some overpriced tennis shoes for the officiant.
Okay. Problem solved. We go back to the beach. It's getting windy now, and my grandma is worried about the chuppah. So my mom, dad and brother go to hold it in place. But with the wind comes the smell of weed. While we were tracking down the officiant, A's sister has gotten tired of waiting and decided to smoke a joint.
K starts arguing with her and it gets heated. Meanwhile, my great aunt, who has leg and back issues, is starting to get tired and sore from standing for so long. My grandma is about to go find out where M is (because she was supposed to come out ages ago at this point). But finally, we see her come out.
She makes it about halfway to us before she realizes she forgot her bouquet. For some reason, whether it be pregnancy hormones or stress or just sheer emotion, she bursts into tears and refuses to continue walking. K sprints back to the hotel room to get it, hands it to her, unpauses the wedding march music, and things start moving again.
K has a weird look on her face at this point, but we figure "hey, we're all miserable now. don't judge her", so no one says anything. My aunt FINALLY gets to A, under the chuppah (which is still being held in place by the rest of my immediate family), and the ceremony begins. It's basically nighttime now, but luckily, the ceremony and the vows were short.
There is actually a lot more chaos, but this is already super long, so I will try to wrap it up. There are rules about being on the beach at night, which we wouldn't have had to deal with if things had happened in a timely fashion, but because they didn't, we did. As the officiant says "you may kiss the bride", a sheriff comes up to us. My mom steps away from the chuppah to explain the situation and he was actually very understanding. He told us we had 30 minutes to wrap up and was about to walk away as my mom and grandma thanked him profusely. But then he sees the joint in the sand.
In my state, marijuana is legal. Littering is not. And A's sister reeks of weed. So she starts getting a citation... and then the canopy on the chuppah blows away. We're all so exhausted that A just sighs and says "leave it". So we take the chuppah structure down and load it into my family's ancient pickup truck. A is trying to wrangle his sister now, who is furious about the citation. And my great aunt, who has those leg and back issues? She is now in extreme pain and we actually needed the sheriff's help to get her to the car.
So we get into our cars and start driving to the restaurant. Nobody wants to go, but we paid for it, so my grandma insisted. I, however, am autistic. And lucky little me was so close to a meltdown that my dad took me home.
Remember when I said K had a weird look on her face after fetching the bouquet? It was because she sprained her ankle running in the sand. And when she got out of the car at the restaurant, it buckled and she fell. She managed to hobble inside though.
Apparently the dinner went smoothly, but it did end with my grandpa having explosive diarrhea in the bathroom. And I honestly think that summed up the whole experience pretty well.
M and A are still married and have two sons. They still fight all the time and A only sees us when he has to, but they are both in therapy and my cousins are happy kids.
Sorry for the length of this, but if you read it, I hope you enjoyed the ride. It's still our family's best disaster story and I sincerely hope nothing beats it... for many reasons.

Looking for preferably brand new stores/outlets selling authentic UCLA merch at a discount compared to the UCLA store. Alternatively I’m open to excellent pre owned condition stores/shops.
Not looking to buy something from peer to peer, but looking for online / in person stores that has affordable prices

To make a long story short. I've been working at this corner store for about a year and a 1/2. Me and my boss, which are the only people who work at the store Are really good friends. I've met his family before and they've rode on my mini bike outside of work place environment. Along with his son and his daughter and his wife.
Just a couple weeks ago I showed off my $50000 Rolex that I had finally finished paying off and I showed it to my boss. He liked it. I showed it off to his daughter who was working the front counter and she liked it as well.
She asked me how she could manage money like that and I told her I just pay things off as I go.
And we got to talking about luxury bags and purses. And what not? And I told her you can pay for anything if you're willing to pay it off for months on end. I even offered to buy her and her brother with the father's permission. Buy them an oculus quest too. And offered to buy them a mini bike as well. If they wanted to go out riding with me.
And the boss's daughter. Ask me how hard would it be to pay for something like AYSL bag? Or a guess bag or a coach bag or a Lv bag or a Chanel bag.
And I told her if you're willing to pay it off. It's not that hard. Just make sure you don't miss your payments. And she acknowledged it and we kept going after I got paid. She asked if I had bought a purse. Or a and I told her that I haven't bought anything yet because I don't have a reason to.
I was thinking for Giving her a Louis Vuitton bag. But I don't know how that would be viewed. I don't want to have inappropriate work behavior and my bosses OK with it. But I feel like I might be overstepping my Boundaries. on this one. So I have to make sure that I check.
Because if I pull her off to the side and ask her. I feel like it will be weird and that there might be some miscommunication.

I just moved in an appartement building where the network is provided by my landlord. In my appartment, I have an ethernet outlet, where I plug my own router (I guess my landlord has a modem somewhere at the other end of this cable, which is connected to the internet?)
I currently host a few services, like Plex, on a home server, which is connected to my router. I opened the ports on my router, but it does not seem to have any effect. For example, Plex uses port 32400, when I ping [my external ip]:32400, it doesn’t go through.
I don’t understand why, since the router is mine and I manage it. Any clues on how these type of appartment network are managed?

Black ops 6 was officially revealed today and I wanted to break down everything we know so far for black ops 6 zombies. Its still early days so we don't know a ton of specifics, but we do know a couple things to get excited about! If any more information comes up in the upcoming weeks, I will add to this post
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OFFICIAL BLACK OPS 6 ZOMBIES DESCRIPTION

Round-Based Zombies is back! Black Ops 6 will launch with two brand-new Round-Based Zombie maps – Terminus and Liberty Falls – and a continuation of the intriguing and terrifying Dark Aether narrative that was started in Black Ops Cold War. Hordes of the undead are set to rampage through these brand-new locations, each offering countless hours of fast-paced action where power-ups are plentiful, but you’re never more than a few seconds away from being overwhelmed and devoured!
For newcomers, Zombies is Treyarch’s unique take on a cooperative player experience where you face off against vast mobs of zombified creatures, with the bulk being the recently deceased, now animated due to strange, eldritch forces. Expect every location you visit to be packed with powerful weapons, new and returning power-ups, a pantheon of revolting entities to face, and a host of secrets and easter eggs to discover.
Remember too, that many of the previously revealed innovations in movement, visual fidelity, audio, and weapons will all be coming to Zombies as well. That’s not including the many additional Zombies-specific features, both new and returning. Expect more information to come in the following weeks.
Black Ops 6 Zombies Teaser
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

MAPS

There will be 2 maps at launch for Black Ops 6 Zombies; Liberty Falls and Terminus.

LIBERTY FALLS

Map's Description(MrDalekJD): In Liberty Falls, an "elite unit" is sent to investigate what happened. It is said to be an iconic setting for zombies and an Americana 90's theme. There is video stores, a motel, a gas station, a bowling alley, a comic shop, and a church. It is set in a town in the West Virginia mountains, with the mountains being the background scenery/skybox. This map is the bright and sunny map while Terminus is the dark one.

• This map is said to be the casual pick up and play map.
• Set in the same time as Terminus
• Will include a Main EE as well as many side EE to discover when we play.
• In the past, the following has been leaked associated with Liberty Falls
  • Includes a bank that has a working bank system similar to Town in Transit.
  • Includes the return of Jet Gun
  • People have said that this is Treyarch's reimagining of a transit like map, but this is just based off speculation, not confirmed at all. Based off new leaks, this may not be the case but we have no clue.

TERMINUS

Map's Description(MrDalekJD): Terminus is called in-lore "Blacksite 13". There appears to be several divide sections of the map including the main prison as well as maze like elevated platforms.

• The Easter egg/story implications of this map is to break out characters from prison. The twist os that two characters don't agree on intentions, this is Peck and the new character Maya.
• This map is said to be the complex map filled with tons of Easter eggs to discover.
• Set in the same time as Liberty Falls
• Will include a Main EE as well as a ton of side EE to discover when we play
• Includes a ton of variety of zombie types, including brand new ones for BO6.
• Has a giant turret in the north end of the map that sucks of zombies in a dark aether way.
• The island is MASSIVE and is set at night, described to be very dark and gloomy.
• In the past, the following has been leaked associated with TERMINUS
  • A drivable boat being able to be driven around the map
  • The starting area is rumored to be in the cellblock
  • Tentacle dogs that appear on the map
  • Have an underground area: This seems to be confirmed and being the prison part of the area.
• Here is some photos of the map.
  • Massive Canyon
  • Big Boy Zombie
  • Official Crew(On both maps, but shown in Terminus)

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

GAMEPLAY FEATURES

The following has been rumored or confirmed to return in BO6 Zombies

• GobbleGums
  • Official Description: GobbleGums return to Zombies in Black Ops 6, and they’re more delicious than ever! GobbleGums are everyone's favorite jaw-breaking confectionary power-up and were last available in Call of Duty: Black Ops 3. These earnable treats are a special consumable item that provide unique effects to players. Purchase or upgrade to the Vault Edition to unlock the GobbleGum Pack. This consists of 12 single-use GobbleGums offering unique in-game effects! Expect these GobbleGums to be packed with amazing (and sometimes surreal) powers, accessible immediately at launch.
  • GobbleGums is said to be the best of both worlds from Bo3/Bo4 inside BO6.
  • GobbleGums can be earned by simply playing zombies.
  • It is said that it will include multiple rarities to differ the gobble gums
• Perks
  • Quick Revive
  • Speed Cola
  • Juggernog
  • Deadshot Daiquiri
  • Death Perception
  • Tombstone Soda
  • PHD Flopper
  • Stamina Up
  • Elemental Pop
  • Double Tap: People are assuming this is returning due to classic perk bottles being teased in bo6 reveal today.
• Salvage
• Rage Inducer
• Traps
• Wonder Weapons to return: new and old
  • Ray Gun
  • Jet Gun: Rumored
  • New WW in Liberty Falls
  • New WW in Terminus
• Power ups
  • Max Ammo
  • Double Points
  • Carpenter
  • Full armor
  • Bonus Points
  • Buyers Sale
  • Nuke
• Exfils: This is a rumor, but is most likely to return
• Mystery Box
• Pack a Punch
• Crafting
• Some sort of armory system: It is rumored that it's a combination of previous ones, to be the best one yet.
• Weapon Progression
• Omnidirectional movement
• SET CREW RETURNS
  • It is unknown if the set crew is only on Terminus but my guess is that this will be our set crew for both maps at launch.
  • You can also use other operators as your characters but if you want tons of chatteOG story character implications, use the set crew as they will talk to each other about the map itself to carry the story forward.
  • The 4 main characters are the following
    • Weaver
    • Gray
    • Carver
    • Maya

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Its still very early days for information for BO6 Zombies, but what we know so far sounds very promising and I can't wait to learn more.

I've played a lot of real d&d, skyrim, chivalry, mordhau and deep rock galactic and for the longest time I've wanted a game that combines all of these and captures the idea of decending into a d&d style megadungeon, in first person with friends and dark and darker comes so close to this its almost upsetting.
I would first like to say that i dont wish that dark and darker was a different game, only that someone were to look at it and be inspired to make some thing similar but with a different focus for the gameplay loop. Nudge nudge wizards of the coast.....
A lot of the core gameplay of dark and darker is quite unrefined and janky but is on the right track to be brilliant! The classes feel unique to play and the diffent abilities you can use create fun synergies with other classes and goes far beyond what your average fantasy rpg has to offer! The way spellcasting is implemented is fantastic compared to something like the elderscrolls. Alongside the melee combat, which though incredibly basic at least registers a hit properly as your weapon swings into an enemy unlike 99% of modern melee in fps games. The loot and traps are also really nice!
However I think the main differences beteween this theoretical game and dark and darker is how short the sessions are and the how the general balance feels due to it being an online game with the focus being on pvp rather than a co-op dungeon crawler.
In this game reviving players should be easier to do so that after hitting a rough patch so it would be easier to recover as a party. The ai for the mobs is simplistic in dark and darker, so the difficulty generally comes from their high health and damage rather than interesting combat dynamics and exchanges so that would be an area to really work on.
The stages being individual levels rather than one conected huge dungeon where you physically descend into different biomes with different enemies just takes away the feeling of a consistent world i would have liked similer to dark souls 1's world design. Having some interesting traversal across chasms and water like deep rock galactic would feel great, And lastly having procedurally generated dungeons again similar to deep rock galactic with seeds like minecraft.
This way you could have much larger dungeons and every run could be different but you could run the same one again if you wanted. I like the bosses we've seen and having a boss on every dungeon level would be cool as well as a crazy hard final boss thats a genuine challenge. 4 player co-op would be great for this and having it take maybe a few gaming sessions to complete a run with safe zones scattered throughout the megadungeon so you can restock, heal up and cash in your loot.
You could start in a very small fantasy town where theres the usual services and establishments like a chapel, tavern, smithy, general store, noticeboard and wizard tower. These could work like the merchants in dark and darker but you actually walk around like the ship in deep rock. Then you go to the graveyard behind the chapel to enter the dungeon.
I know this is a pretty self endulgant post but i wonder if many other people have been wanting the same thing as me?

I’m a returning player and missed the only bundle I’d pay for the Valorous Alistair bundle.
I can’t check the store on my Xbox every day because I’m often away for work.
Is there any way to get a notification when the outfit hits the store? I tried doing the online item request but it’s not available on there.

This isn't really anything new I know, but it was originally a response to someone else in a thread that got locked before I could post it, so now I've got this bottled up thought inside me and I'm spilling it onto this topic now.
Beldam changing her ways is probably the most egregious of all the villains
Before you fight the shadow queen it's pretty much spelled out that Beldam spread all these rumors about the treasure, essentially inspiring Grodus and the X-nauts because Grodus is under the impression that the queen has to obey him (Beldam lied about this part).
She does this because she (maybe the other shadow sisters too but IDK) was alive 1000 years ago when the Shadow Queen was awake the last time, and they all served her back then too.
She has been awake 1,000 years and spent that time spreading misinformation online for the express purpose of reviving her ancient demon bestie who she KNOWS is uncontrollable and will cause indiscriminate damage however she can.
But now that the Shadow Queen has been truly defeated by the power of being jumped on really hard, Beldam's just suddenly turned over a new leaf?
At least Grodus wants power and is just a head with no body, so he can't do too much damage and maybe he could find some outlet to satisfy his narcissism like maybe buying Twitter and renaming it after his organization or something.
But Beldam explicitly works for 1000 years to revive a demon who will cause chaos and destruction on a global scale. There's not much coming back from that. Like it's not impossible - Vivian obviously does it, and Marilyn seems ... indifferent, I guess? But Beldam's clearly the ringleader here, and a massive prick besides.
OK I'm done I know this isn't anything new whatsoever but I needed to get the yapping out of my system - honestly it really doesn't bug me near as much as all this yapping would imply, I don't consider this like "The SERIOUS FLAW with TTYD" or anything, but I got cockblocked out of posting a reply about half this long and so now I'm trying to expand on my arguments to make it "worthy" of being its own post.

WordPress has firmly established itself as the leading Content Management System (CMS) globally, and several factors contribute to its dominant position. Its popularity stems from its versatility, ease of use, robust community support, and extensive ecosystem of plugins and themes. Here are the primary reasons why WordPress is the top choice for starting a website:

1. User-Friendly Interface

WordPress is renowned for its intuitive and user-friendly interface. Even individuals with minimal technical expertise can quickly grasp the basics of website management. The dashboard is straightforward, making it easy to create and manage content, customize settings, and install plugins or themes.

2. Open-Source Platform

Being an open-source platform, WordPress is free to use, modify, and distribute. This openness has fostered a large community of developers who contribute to its continuous improvement. Users benefit from constant updates, enhanced security, and new features without additional costs.

3. Extensive Plugin Ecosystem

One of WordPress’s greatest strengths is its vast plugin ecosystem. With over 58,000 plugins available, users can extend their website's functionality in virtually any direction. Whether it’s for SEO, security, social media integration, e-commerce, or performance optimization, there’s likely a plugin available to meet the need.

4. Wide Range of Themes

WordPress offers thousands of themes, both free and premium, catering to various industries and styles. This extensive selection allows users to quickly change the look and feel of their website without extensive design knowledge. Themes are customizable, enabling unique and professional designs that align with brand identity.

5. SEO-Friendly

WordPress is designed with SEO best practices in mind. It generates clean and optimized code, offers a variety of SEO plugins (like Yoast SEO and All in One SEO Pack), and allows users to manage meta tags, URLs, and other critical SEO elements easily. These features help websites rank better in search engine results.

6. Community Support

The WordPress community is one of its most significant assets. There are numerous forums, blogs, tutorials, and online courses available for users of all skill levels. This extensive support network makes it easier for beginners to find help and for advanced users to find solutions to complex problems.

7. Security Features

While no platform is immune to security threats, WordPress takes security seriously. Regular updates and a wide array of security plugins help protect websites from vulnerabilities. The active community also ensures that any security issues are quickly identified and patched.

8. Flexibility and Scalability

WordPress is incredibly flexible and can be used for various types of websites, including blogs, business sites, e-commerce stores, portfolios, and forums. It scales well with the needs of the site, handling traffic spikes and large amounts of content without compromising performance, especially with proper hosting and optimization.

9. E-Commerce Integration

With plugins like WooCommerce, WordPress seamlessly transforms into a powerful e-commerce platform. WooCommerce, in particular, powers a significant portion of online stores globally, offering extensive features for product management, payment processing, and order tracking.

10. Multilingual Support

WordPress supports multiple languages, making it a global platform. Plugins like WPML (WordPress Multilingual Plugin) and Polylang allow users to create multilingual websites easily, catering to a diverse audience.

11. Content Management

As a CMS, WordPress excels in content management. It offers robust features for creating, organizing, and publishing content. The Gutenberg block editor further enhances this capability by providing a flexible, block-based approach to content creation, enabling more dynamic and visually appealing layouts.

12. Cost-Effectiveness

Starting a website on WordPress can be very cost-effective. The core software is free, and there are numerous free themes and plugins available. Even premium themes and plugins are often reasonably priced, offering significant value for their cost.

13. Regular Updates

WordPress and its ecosystem of themes and plugins are regularly updated to add new features, enhance performance, and improve security. This ensures that websites remain current with the latest web standards and functionalities.

14. Integration Capabilities

WordPress integrates well with various third-party services and tools, such as email marketing platforms, payment gateways, and social media networks. This interoperability makes it easier to build a cohesive online presence.

Conclusion

WordPress's dominance as the top CMS in the world is a result of its user-friendly nature, flexibility, extensive customization options, strong community support, and commitment to continuous improvement. Its ability to cater to a wide range of website types and its robust features for SEO, security, and e-commerce make it the go-to choice for both beginners and seasoned web developers.
Whether you’re starting a personal blog or a large-scale e-commerce site, WordPress provides the tools and resources necessary to build and maintain a successful online presence.
More reviews:

• - DREAMHOST REVIEW
• - SITEGROUND REVIEW
• - HOSTINGER REVIEW
• - A2 HOSTING REVIEW

Hi guys,
I'm somewhat new to NextJS but have a decent grasp on how things work. I'm using Next App Router. My website is a search directory for stores. I have a set of nested route paths that are used to search and generate static pages. It follows the following path.
[state] (page for each state) -> [city] (pages for each city in each state)-> [storeSlug] (page the store)
My problem is I am experiencing unexpectedly long build times for the static pages. Currently about 11 minutes for only 300 pages.
None of the operations I'm doing to generate each static page is very intense so I'm kind of at a loss for what can by causing the issues. My best guess is the fact that all my routes being nested result in a O(n^3) time complexity. For example, for every state we generate a page, then for every city in a state we generate a page, then for every store in a state and in a city we generate pages - so it would be three nested loops essentially.
This is my best guess as to why the build time is beginning to take so long because I run so many of the same DB operation. Would this make sense? I'm also starting to experience egress issues with Supabase, which I think might also be coming from all the DB requests when building.
I'm currently working on implementing ISR as I'll eventually need it regardless, but if the way I have set up my routing is the issue I'm beginning to reconsider if it would be worth trying to set one path routing (EX: hostname/california-los-angeles ) although this approach also has some of its own issues.
I appreciate any thoughts or recommendations. Thanks!

Hi Plumbing!
I recently purchased a portable dishwasher for my tiny apartment (Black and Decker model: BPWM09W) and I am having difficulty finding a tap adapter. The washer came with a 3/4 male to 15/16 male I believe but it is a little too big. below are links to photos.
The sink is a Danze 52519 which is similar looking to a Kohler K-22973.
When I screw off the tap the hose/connection is a 5/8 female. I tested the tap in a store to confirm the size.
I believe I need a 5/8 male to a 15/16 male but can't find anything online.
Below is a link of pictures. Appreciate all the assistance in advanced. https://postimg.cc/gallery/vVSkBqJ
Thanks!

Do you think you will consume/watch any content of the contestants?
Let me start by saying im probably the minority of the minority when i say i probably wont watch or follow any of them.
Leah - i dont have an instagram and i wont make an account just because she's kinda cute. Also not gonna watch makeup stuff on yt
Nife - maybe 20 years ago i would have watched some dancing stuff, also no tiktok account
Chloe/Liv - okay, idk if they actually have an online presence i think they said they've been on some uk trash TV?
Manrika - instagram "model" (?). Again, no IG account
Fanum - the only clips i've seen of him was him eating on stream, wouldnt watch that under any circumstance
Ginge - well maybe 15 years ago, when i played Fifa myself, but probably not because i cant stand/watch loud and obnoxious people
Specs - dont know what he's "famous" for, my guess would be he has a Podcast with anothern known youtuber, not a fan of podcasts
Joe - he's a youtuber, right? Seems like a decent bloke will have a look at his stuff
Castillo - found some Songs on yt, but didnt listen
Did i forget anyone?

Anyone got recommendations for a credit card with great rewards on TRAVEL, RESTAURANTS, WHOLESALE STORES (BJ's, Costco) & IN-STORE SHOPPING (Walmart etc.) PLUS online purchases? Bonus points if it has NO ANNUAL FEE!

creditcard #rewards #travel #dining #wholesale #shopping #nofees

basically, ever since i've had my eating disorder i have lost interest in everything. my screen time is through the roof since recently though. i feel like i spend time online just to numb the guilt caused by overeating (because of recovery, i still experience extreme hunger, i guess). it feels like my brain is rotting, i'm scared i'm getting dumb, i think i lost the ability to focus and nothing makes me happy.
i stopped watching movies and tv series, i stopped reading, drawing, socializing... i just don't feel like doing anything. my life has lost color, i have no hobbies and no friends. i'm not interested in relationships. people annoy me. i became passive aggressive when talking to people. i became self dependent and get upset if anyone wants to interfere with my life choices. my family thinks i'm crazy and that i don't love them. we often get into arguments and it's my fault. i have zero flexibility in life and every change in my monotonous routine feels like the end of the world. i feel guilty for things i shouldn't feel guilty about. i also judge people for the same matters. when i see people around me i get thoughts judging their bodies, eating habits, the way they behave...
i feel like a narcissist. i feel like a truly bad person. i feel like i lost all empathy. i feel like i'm wasting my and other people's time. i feel like a mistake.
i wish i could go back, restore everything. put everything back the way it was. i used to be ambitious, used to have dreams, ideas, creativity. i used to have personality.
will it ever get better? will i ever stop being scared of living, and let go of routine and discipline without feeling guilty, feeling like i've committed a crime? is it possible to reverse all this and pretend like nothing ever happened? will i ever physically and mentally fully recover?

CEO of GameStop, Ryan Cohen who previously founded the e-commerce company Chewy’s and sold it to PetSmart.
I’m told he has been in talks to acquire G2A games and create an online store where you can purchase video games cheaper than you would be able to on Steam, the Xbox store, and the PlayStation store.
If this turns out true this would be huge for GME