So I sent a text to this guy at school (high school) who apparently has a crush on me. I like him back as well, and we texted for a while but all of his texts were short and dry, while I was sending 4-5 messages per one message from him.
And even though we were texting everyday this week from Sunday to Tuesday, he left me on read on Tuesday night and has not messaged me since. Based on his inconsistency, it seems like he is uninterested in me. However, he has also sent multiple flirtatious texts like, “What are you doing right now?”, “We should play games sometime”, and “What are your plans for summer break”. We even have a hang out scheduled for the summer, but I was the one who asked him.
Honestly, I’m really confused as to whether he likes me or not. It seems like he does, but he has left me on read and his texts are extremely dry. It might be because English is not his first language. I also asked someone who has known him for 5 years and apparently he is extremely shy, introverted, and basically socially inept.
Is he sending dry and short messages because he does not like me back, or can it be because he is a bad texter and shy overall? How do I handle shy, socially awkward guys and make them open up to me?

Hello, how are you doing what I am looking for is a friendship someone with who I can chat with and hear about their day and how good or bad it was to check up on each other. Some of my interests include playing games watching anime and movies and learning knew things. I would love to hear about yours they don't have to be the same as mine I want to get to know you as person the things you love the things you hate it would be fun learning about you. If this is something you would like to do send me a message

Successor : u/Intel81994
Hi,
I first found this subreddit and Neville's works in 2018 so I thought I'd share my success/experiences.
I've never posted here, only lurked... daily. I often see people post tiny wins in here like manifesting a test result or a few hundred dollars. I don't see many huge wins except occasionally, or multi-year life changing creations.
Well, I'm not where I want to be bc my goals have gotten a lot bigger, but I've come a long way and finding this work in 2018 changed my life so I want to share with you how.
Not to discourage, but small wins are nothing compared to the deep life changes and incredible abundance you can create in knowing who you really are - just think - there are people out there, several, who own $10M+ houses, multi-millionaires, many came from nothing.
I'm not saying that's the only thing worth striving for or even the source of joy, of course. But my point is anything you want, someone else out there has done it, they are just humans like myself and you.
So here's how my life turned around since 2018 and what I created. The HOW I did so is no different than what you already read on this sub every day.
Neville has been my favorite teacher and this is the MAIN sub I have read over the last few years. I own all of his books and have read them several times.
I regard his methods as most influential for me. This may come off as some motivational story but truth is I use Neville's methods daily and always try to understand and control my beliefs to grow.
Here is how my life changed completely after DOING the work:

• MONEY/TRAVEL : I went from -50k in debt running my own online fitness coaching business at my lowest point not knowing how I would pay rent (long story but I was young and not skilled enough in business at this time to really build a team and 7 figure business like I wanted),

to acquiring amazing skills being an intrapreneur working in a small startup online with a terrific mentor (I manifested this exact position with SATS), traveled the world a crazy amount in the exact places I had wanted to and met a ton of cool people (SATS), over 27 countries now, and grew my net worth to over 250k from 2018-2021.
To my current goals, this is really nothing now and I now surround myself with people doing a ton more than me. So I'm not preaching here, it's just levels to the game right.
I now work professionally in the crypto industry, but also have skills and knowledge to a few types of online businesses in the consulting & marketing space, as well as make money from markets/trading, which is a great vehicle because there are effectively no limits.
I can live anywhere I want, have plenty of cushion and money to live mostly how I want (have larger goals now), have time freedom as well, and most of all, love growth and feel great striving for more. I did SATS to get my current gig.
I've also been trading the last 2 years and no it's not easy, in fact you're competing against algorithms and the best minds in the world so the learning curve is quite steep.
Trading is not easy money, but the potential is there. Besides, trading is just one vehicle, it's not value-additive to the market like businesses are, so I believe it's best used in conjunction with a business/job, and investing longer term is better.
Anyway I turned <40k into ~350K in crypto, and a separate stock portfolio last year.
And yes a lot of that crypto growth was market timing and luck with everything going on, monetary policy and all, and I know people who turned less into several million and also plenty who got liquidated and lost millions. I still spent a lot of time and skill to create that, point is I created all of it in various forms.

• FITNESS/HEALTH: I achieved a more fit and better body than 98% of men have. This was a result of hard work plus these methods and was in 2018 when I decided to undergo a bodybuilding prep for a photoshoot. Great size, leanness, abs, I had been lifting for years but never gotten this in shape.

It was not easy, but I looked incredible, and the exact city/water background scene I had visualized for the photos happened. You can scroll to my IG posts from early 2018 for pics proof.
My health is impeccable and I've for sure made other physical changes, and I think I somehow changed my gf's looks to become better over time too. She was always quite cute though. I'm still very much in shape but now do yoga daily for last few years, as well as lifting.

• LOCATION/LIVING: I manifested the EXACT view I used to visualize in the center of my major city, with a gorgeous view of the ocean and city both, for a great price and have lived here for last 3 years now. In a luxury high rise. I can see ships and yachts right outside my balcony every day. It's literally grander than I even knew to imagine just 5 years ago.
  
• MORE FINANCE: Over the last 2 years my investments and more were doing so well sometimes - not always - that I often was able to have some months making 20-40k, point is I was not worried about work.
  

I also believe parallel realities are real and I used to visualize Bitcoin going to 50k back in 2019 when it had stayed below <10k for 2 years. This was not all due to bitcoin, but rather all sorts of investments, but yes crypto as well.
Some was luck, some was skill and work. All was my creation. I also got quite decent at trading and managing a portfolio that I not only managed to publicly call the exact day of the market TOP in november 2021 but also sniped the bottom in July. Intuition plus knowledge.
So I kept this money, it is not bleeding out in my portfolio with the market. I've devoted a LOT into mastering this craft but again, self concept and Neville helped.
I got hacked for 60k-70k a few months back and chose to give it new meaning and manifested a career change to crypto industry, landing a position making over 10k per month (I'm not happy with this at my current standards of income, but I'm grateful), that I am growing to 20k per month of active income now with other streams.
What's interesting in my recent career manifestation is I decided I want a position that basically pays me to do what I already do (I was independently researching and managing a multi-6 figure crypto portfolio... over a quarter million dollars combined money that I was managing. )
I now get paid a full time 6 fig salary to do nothing extra from what I was already doing and barely work on the actual job with plenty of time for other stuff.
I just decided it was done and that's it. Also of course it's remote... knowing what I know, I will only consider remote jobs (never worked in a physical office and I've actually never had a w2 job before this, always doing sales and stuff or my own thing).
I have been working on increasing my standard to 25k per month minimum of active income generation. Had a lot of ideas come through. I’m just not the type to have a job I think but I have to figure out what I can build again.
Compared to who I want to be at a later date that’s also nothing much. Again, levels to the game.
Now also working on growing a business in this space. This hack event was pretty traumatic but I now see how I 100% manifested it. And I can choose to also create something far greater out of the event now.
With every job I've ever had, I've never worked in an office. I've only ever been remote or online because this is the only thing I was willing to accept. Being a digital nomad has been my norm since I graduated college.
Be specific in what you want and do not settle.
I went to a top 5 US public university and even manifested myself to lead a large pre-med club on campus (I was a pre med student) before I knew Neville. I'm now very glad I chose to go my own route instead of medicine for several reasons beyond scope of this post but anyway.

• SP: Manifested my SP (gf) back in 2018 and we have a great relationship going on 6 years now (together since 2016). I focus more on self love and feeling I AM God rather than seeking it externally. My consciousness and inner connection is my source of sustenance.
  
• Honestly there are so many other crazy little things I can't possibly keep track. Every day I have synchronicities like crazy still. I don't give them much meaning but just take it to mean that I am aligned.
  

My best mental model/tips

• Delude yourself into knowing that imagination is MORE real than the 3d. The 3d is 'old news.' Meaning it's a shadow world. The real creation is happening in your imagination, and there is a time lag in this physical world.

Live in your imagination and tune out anything that does not serve keeping you in an optimal state where you feel in control. The more you focus on things that are meant to distract you or displease you, which state do you create from?

• I do SATS during the day, works fine for me, I don't think it matters much if day/night, but you need to do it. Follow a guided hypnosis session to get deeper into trance first if it helps.
  
• Act and trust deeply that life is leading you to what you want, and the meaning you give to events is literally what molds your future. Choose empowering meanings. Stop being a victim.
  

Make a resolve to never think of yourself as a victim of forces out there, the economy, evil people, whatever it is. You want to control your reality then act like it internally.

• Make a daily routine checklist and stick to it so you internally feel in control of your reality. Mine is: SATS or revision, meditate or breathwork, EFT or writing, cold shower, no phone in the morning, wake at 6am, and of course I exercise daily in some form. I use a spreadsheet to make sure I hit my routines for the day so I don't be a victim but rather stay in control. This is critical for me.
  
• As long as you occupy the realms of consciousness that you want, the result WILL come via downloads and hunches and thoughts, and insane physical things will happen that will 'seem like it would have happened anyway' so don't worry about the how.
  

Random Musings
The thing with manifesting is we sometimes take a passive route and wait for things to happen to us (and sure this is fine and still works), but think- if you don't grow your mental, emotional, skills container to deal with large amounts of money, or a team, or skills to sell and market and manage money... if you suddenly get 500K or 1M, how are you going to hold on to it?
If you lack personal power and execution skills, say you suddenly win 5M from the lottery, do you have the skills to keep it and make decisions at a level that can fluctuate several millions? It's stressful and requires thinking completely differently.
You have to 'stress test' your consciousness and expand your container.
I know that because I got hacked (stolen) ~70k it means nothing because the version of me who makes multi-7 figures a year deals with fluctuations of multi-6 figures in his portfolio all the time, it's part of the game. and I HAVE dealt with 6 figure fluctuations in my portfolio before this hack so it wasn't super new in that sense.
You know time is not real, it's all happening now, Creation is already finished, so you should also know that the way to 'hack' time is making decisions from a place of the future version of yourself you already are.
Make a commitment to stop playing small and settling for crumbs. Why would you get hung up on the one limited way your ego thinks that abundance has to manifest in your life, or love, instead of just feeling the emotions themselves, knowing it's done, and letting your life color it in in grander ways than you could have imagined.
Funny little manifestations and things happen literally every day that I just take it as reflections of me being in my creative power.
Something crazy/funny that happened was on our last trip, I told my girlfriend 'hey, how funny and weird would it be to see a parrot meowing?' - then next day we sit at a cafe and there is a parrot in a cage outside, meowing loudly. The most bizarre manifestation, I didn't even intend for it, just asked hey would it not be funny. Things like this happen so often, I can't keep track.
There is nothing new to learn. Just do the techniques and do self care rituals and get lost in your work. Feel the feeling of utter abundance and freedom now and it will happen.
We live in an advanced economy with the internet, it has never been easier to start or fund a business compared to even 50 years ago (see interest rates), distribution has never been easier, so if you know these tools, why would you not create the biggest dream you can imagine? Why settle for a free $200?
I realize there are levels people go through however so I don't mean to belittle, but now that I have been through so much and grown, I know there is nothing separating myself from multi millions and VC's and creators of large companies except belief, work, and time in this reality.
I have the knowledge, belief, and skills to not need a job if I don't want one. I can instead offer something to the market and be independent.
I'm telling you this stuff works and is sustainable. You can be as specific as you want and get whatever you want, and trust that with the turns life takes you through, it is a BRIDGE meant to turn you into the person to get and sustain what you say you want. Decide it and it is so.
I am someone who is a first generation American immigrant, my parents moved to the US from India when I was 5 and we had very little here. I grew up 'lower' middle class, and didn't have the best money programming from parents, but I always did well in school.
I KNOW I am going to be the first multi millionaire in my family. It's all in how you think about yourself/self concept and the work you do from that mindset. Do actions and shift your environment in accordance with who you want to be.
I always splurge on self care now and do things like fly business class or pay more for a better room because that's who I internally am. Just find a way to produce more and let it flow instead of shrinking yourself to be someone you’re not in your 4D
I don't try to scrimp and penny pinch, I let money flow. Even though getting stolen 70k was traumatic, oh well, I chose to give it a better, empowering meaning and my reality shifted.
That's all I have to say. Do the work. Stop procrastinating with learning. All the teachers, scripture, it's all the same Truth at the core. Learning is fine because you learn different mental models at different points of your life but you need to do the work.
I've been fortunate to not only have explored TONS of teachers and books in this realm, you name it I've probably read it or have a copy, I've also HAD mentors and WORKED directly under multi millionaires older and more experienced than me who know this work very well and knew Neville specifically, and it's the real deal. I did sales for someone in the online coaching space was was very well off and had decades of success and spoke of Neville very often, it was really cool.
Proof of the Law
I don't know what more proof you need that the Law is real. All religions throughout eternity have known this, Neville just distilled the same Truth through his own methods that work really well in my opinion and I personally love his interpretation of scripture.
The most successful people in the world are usually consciously (and some unconsciously) doing these same actions. Just do the work and focus on it coming from a good place of knowing that it's done. You don't need to know HOW but you just need to know the plane is going to somehow land one day.
I just come back to Neville every time, because his methods are simple and philosophies work well for how I think. I've done tons of psychedelic mushrooms over the years which luckily made me very open to this sort of thinking, before that I was very rigid and too '3d scientific' minded in my thinking. Keep in mind there is actually nothing 'unscientific' about the Law... modern science has its own limitations in that we cannot measure many things.
What used to be called magic in years past is now under the realm of science right? I'm not saying I don't value logic and science... I have a science degree from a top 5 university.
I'm just saying your ego mind which wants to keep you stuck and surviving uses the excuse of logic and science when that's actually not the full scope of how reality works, we are incredibly limited in our conscious understanding of reality.... we don't even know what we're doing here on a floating rock in infinite space and we can hardly see much of the light spectrum as it is.
So remember that when your ego tries to believe in your limitations and the 3d reality only. You being here is magic that even the most advanced science does not know the answer to. Do scientists know fundamentally why there is something at all instead of nothing?
Anyway, one more thing is I've never been shy of making relatively bold and fast decisions, investing in a mentor (for business) and just generally betting on myself.
Because getting around people who think bigger than you and don't settle is a hack and it's worth every penny. There is a reason millionaires hang with other millionaires.
I'm not saying to cut people out of your life (unless toxic) but rather to seek proximity and get around winners or pay to join some mastermind in business or whatever you need to do to network in your realm.
Just last week I invested 7.5k for get into a network of high performing young male entrepreneurs just because I want a better network in real life and work on business tactics and execution. When I was 23 I invested 25k that I did not have at the time (I made it happen and earned it back) to get a business mentor. So I use all of this in combo with Neville's methods primarily. I really like revision method as well.
The act of DECISION literally creates a parallel reality and becomes the new bridge to your manifestation.

Each time I wake up from a "nightmare", I unknowingly enter another nightmare. It's like inception. The only way you realize you were in a nightmare is when you "wake up" and are like, wow, I didn't know life can feel like this, and then few months later you wake up again, and are like wow, I didn't know life can feel even better, but it never ends.
Anyways, so I'm about 80% through conquering my abandonment and neglect issues I think. I've self CBTed my way out of it. When young, I was dependent on my parents for survival and meeting my needs as I had no survival skills. Those can be any needs such as safety, emotional support, etc... which I didn't get.
As an adult, I have emotional flashbacks when I think people are gonna abandon me and obviously that causes all sorts of issue like lashing out, being obsessive, needy, anxiety, impulsive stuff, withdrawal, yada yada. I'm not fully recovered yet, but I finally found a message that I can tell myself and fits my personality, and is rooted in reality, and isn't me gaslighting myself. That is:
As a kid, yes, you are dependent on your parents to meet your needs, so it's valid to have those emotional flashbacks. But as an adult, people are independent, separate people with their own wants and needs. A healthy relationship is where two people mutually are able to meet each other needs. If someone doesn't want to meet your need, whatever that need may be, it could very will be they are not comfortable with it, aren't able to provide it, don't want to provide it, etc... and thus there's a mismatch in needs and a relationship can't be built. And that is perfectly normal.
That makes sense to me, and it is rooted in reality and healthy relationship building, so I think I'm almost past the abandonment phase.
UNFORTUNATELY, now I entered a huge hater phase, and this one I haven't been able to get out of. ChatGPT says stuff like empathy (understand the other persons perspective), set boundaries (yeah sometimes I have to be around them cuz of work), but so far no dice. Sorry, I'm not at the stage where I can show empathy for these people yet, and that's where I think my toxicity comes from.
Basically, I hate anyone that exhibits characteristics of my parents, people that manipulate, like to control, big egos, low empathy, negative, insecure, aren't upfront, narcisistic, low emotional intellgenice/awareness, etc... and right now I'm just in a pure hatred phase that I can't get out of. One positive is, recently I dated a girl that would say one thing/act one way but mean another and that type of behavior used to piss me off so much, but other than that she was super nice, so I did finally gain empathy for people that do that stuff - they probalby just don't have a strong enough identity yet where they know what they want at all times, which I can understand as most people don't know what they want. Heck most people suck at communicating, very rare to find someone willing and able to communicate. But I can't get over the other traits.
ChatGPT says:
https://preview.redd.it/1xus3rgcpp0d1.png?width=919&format=png&auto=webp&s=a3556a589b9bfb534b2cce219ac8438c912d4e96

1. Yeah I don't know how to CBT out of this one, yet or have a more realistic non-gaslighting mindset yet
2. I guess I can try number 2 more. "I'm having such toxic thoughts of hatred for people who have those attributes rn..it's ok, take as much time as you need to let it flow through you - don't judge or fight against it. Thoughts and emotions are a barometer of your mental and physical well being, having them helps you be aware of how you are doing as a person, and I value being healthy a lot"
3. Definitly don't have it in me for empathy, I don't think I ever will be able to get to a stage in life where I have empathy for certain people, I think it'll be impossible for me to have empathy for insecure people for example
4. Set boundares - eh unrealistic sometimes, but if realistic I'll do it.
5. I can try to think positive but realistic thoughts to distract from the negative ones, potentially
6. That's why I'm here 😂😂
7. I'm already compassionate about having these thoughts, but it makes my head hurt and I don't feel healthy so, it need to stop lol

I actually also recently dated a girl that embodied a lot of those above traits and no, it did not help me gain empathy, it only made my dislike more. Unlike the one kind girl that I dated that just wasn't upfront with things, I didn't develop the empathy for the other one.
Any ideas on where I should go next?

I’ll admit it, my title is very click bait-ish. TLTR at bottom.
So my boyfriend (33m) and myself (33f) have lived in our home since January 2022. It’s nothing extravagant. But it’s enough for us. The rent is very low, the landlord actually landlords and it may not be the safest neighborhood but there are way worse areas in my town. We’ve adjusted well and made sure to have protection around the home. The safety isn’t the issue here though. It’s not why you’re reading this so let’s get into it. I’m also very new to posting so please be gentle.
A couple of months after moving in we saw our neighbor Danielle (35f) having a really hard time working on her vehicle in her yard. Our homes are pretty close and I could tell she was very frustrated and just looked confused (I would as well). I let my bleeding heart take over and went to introduce myself. She explained her frustrations with her vehicle and the story behind it and she really didn’t know how to move forward. I told her to wait up and I’d get my boyfriend to come check and we spent the afternoon doing what we could for her and honestly it was great. We even met her mom that lives nearby also as the mom wa watching Danielle’s children while she was outside. We learned she also had a boyfriend (who smokes a lot of weed, no hate just relevant) who was at work but didn’t know anything about vehicles.
My boyfriend and I occasionally had drinks with her sometimes but her boyfriend never joined because when he’s home he’d rather smoke and play video games. Someone needs to be in the home with the kids so it wasn’t like an insult or anything. Just to show we don’t have much interaction with him.
It then turned into her asking us for stuff ALL THE TIME. She needed a few bucks here and there for smokes or drinks. If we’d have it we’d help her with a back and grab her a cheap six pack. When you’re broke but have food and bills paid it’s stressful and I don’t think anyone should be shamed for wanting to chill a bit. I did what I’d want someone to do for me. Unfortunately, it kinda got out of hand when her mom came banging on our door asking for cash (at this time we had one vehicle and my boyfriend was at work with it since I work from home). When I informed her i don’t typically keep cash she huffed and said she’d take me to an ATM and acted as if I inconvenienced HER. It left a bad taste in my mouth so I lied and said my boyfriend had my cards as well. She was super pissed, said “thanks I guess. Now I don’t know what to do.” Like it was my fault and my problem? I awkwardly said by and shut the door. I brought this up to Danielle to which she responded her mom had some sort of brain injury and to ignore her.
Later her mom tried to seduce my boyfriend while he was helping Danielle with something while her boyfriend was still inside and getting high playing video games. That pissed me for multiple reasons. The mom was there so she could have watched her own grandchildren while the boyfriend fixed whatever(her brain injury apparently only caused her to be rude or overly sexual but she can drive, live by herself and watch her grandkids). Danielle did tell the mom to stop as soon as the words came out. So I do credit her with that and I feel bad she had to deal with that. But even if the boyfriend didn’t know how to fix what mine was helping with I felt like he should have come out and at least try to learn. Still, nothing too bad happened and we just decided to distance ourselves from hanging out but still helped Danielle here and there.
During that summer Danielle purchase one of those little swimming pools and a trampoline for her children. She asked if it was okay if the trampoline crossed onto our yard a bit and if she could use our backyard water spigot for her hose as her was located in her front yard. We all run off a well so it doesn’t cost us anything to allow this. So we told her of course she could and hoped the kids had a fun summer. Her oldest even thanked us and it was so sweet.
A couple of weeks in we didn’t have water. Went outside and saw the main valve have been turned off. No biggie. Easy mistake. Then it happened against couple of months later. It still wasn’t a huge deal. I messaged her and was being funny about it to show there is no bad blood. She said her boyfriend was high and did it and she’s correcting him so it doesn’t happen again. It just continued but still a month or so apart but when we saw her we mentioned it but a bit more seriously this time. She was super apologetic and really pissed off at her boyfriend. It stopped for a good bit. Just randomly here or there months apart and you could tell it was a mistake. Probably a child distracting them and nothing to make a fuss over.
This year it has increased every month. To where it now happened 3 times in the last 2 weeks and it’s only Wednesday night.
My boyfriend hydroplaned in our convertible yesterday. He is lucky to be alive. He was sent into a tree which a branch came through the windshield Final Destination style and had it not been angled he would be dead. All kinds of bark and shit went into his eyes as well so he’s blind in one eye (hopefully only temporary) and the other eye that didn’t get it as badly is still very blurry unless he clear all the gunk out and focuses super hard.
Despite his injuries, he was attempting to remove the bad tail light on our truck so we’d have a vehicle until we get the insurance payout. He saw and heard a plethora of people at the neighbors house partying and went over to ask if he could pay someone to him. Turns out they were partying with high schoolers and I will say they offered to take direction because they saw how badly he is banged up and didn’t want money, but admitted they didn’t want to mess anything up. He said it was okay and thanked them for their kindness. As he was leaving he remembered the water thing and kindly asked them to please pay attention to not tie the water off to our house and that is been happening a lot. Danielle is super apologetic and as he’s heading back to our yard he hears her GOING IN on the boyfriend.
A little before 10pm he spills something on our couch obviously because he can barely see. So I’m cleaning it and using water. But then literally 1 min later his face wound starts bleeding and he goes to wet a cloth an no water. I know it all the emotions and the adrenaline from the day before, but I was seeing red. I bolt out the door like a mad woman. My boyfriend knew it wasn’t good and tried to follow me but had a hard time because it’s night, his eyes are injured and now he can’t even clean the blood easily so it’s going in the “good” eye.
So I stop and turn around to take him back inside and he says “no let’s take care of this”. As he’s turning the spigot on that leads water to our home I’m undoing their hose. I start throwing it into their yard when he says “ Nope. It’s hooked to our property. We’re gonna show them what it feels like to be inconvenienced. If they apologize they can have it back”.
So we now have their water hose in our garden tub ironically. I have a feeling Danielle’s boyfriend got pissed she went in on him for being a selfish idiot and he did it to get back at us. My boyfriend and I smoked a ton of weed in the past but it never made us vindictive. I know Danielle will come over to ask if we know what happened to it. And we’re going to give it back to her as long as she is kind like she always is. We will allow her to use our spigot again, but she is the only person allowed to come into our yard for that moving forward.
Am I just an emotional asshole?
TLTR: Neighbor uses our spigot for hose but keeps turning the water to our home off.

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I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA999333
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
I(29F) made my step-father(50M) an outsider at my wedding that he paid for. I need to make it up to him but I dont know how.
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: child abandonment, emotional manipulation, possible exploitation
Original Post: May 6, 2024
I ruined the memory of the best day of my life because I was too blind to see what I was doing was hurting one of the most important people in my life. I got married 2 months ago to the love of my life, and he finally opened my eyes to what I did. He showed me the perspective I didnt understand.
When I was 5 my father left us. Just disappeared without trace. He and my mom were already separated by that point, but he was still living with us. 3 years later my mom started dating Rob. He was quite a bit younger than she was, I belive she was 34 and he was 26. Today he is very wealthy (he wasnt when he met my mom) and he treats my mother like a queen. Whenever she is around him she looks like the happiest person in the world. My younger sister looks a lot like me and mom, but her personality is for sure a reflexion of her dad, always telling jokes and being just a nice person all around while me and my mom are more serious and cold.
As I got older, Rob became more present in my life he got married to my mom and she got pregnant. But it was still pretty weird seeing him as a father figure mostly because people would asume he was my brother all the time. When I was in HS, I was dating this boy, and he broke up with me at my friends house. My mom was on a night shift and I had to ask Rob to pick me up. When he did, he conforted me, took me to get ice cream, and when we got home he told me something like this (without knowing what happened) "whoever made you sad doesnt understand that you are the best girl in the world, and its their loss. Dont beat yourself up because other people are too stupid to see it"
I just said to him "I wish you were my dad". He smiled and said that he wished that too, and he could be if I wanted to. We left it at that. I never called him dad. But from that point foward I saw him as a father and I think he knows it.
I finally reconected to my biological father about an year ago. It happened because I got engaged. When I came to my mom's house one day, he was there and I couldnt even recongnise him. He was way thiner than he was when I was a kid. He struggled for years with depression and substance abuse. My mom and Rob actually helped him get clean and they even paid for his stay at a great reabilitation center. They decided together that it was time for me to finally meet him again.
I dont want to explore much on how this was, but all I have to say is that im glad to have him back in my life and im glad for being able to help him heal. He sufered a lot, he got lost. But now he is at least trying.
Rob and my mother payed for everything at my wedding, and everything was amaizing. The church was beautiful, my husband looked amaizing. The one mistake I made: I chose my biological father over Rob. I chose the man that did abandon me for over 20 years over the one the took me as his own and gave me everything he could when he didnt have to. I chose the man that broke my mothers heart over the one that saved her. I dont know why I did what I did. Looking back on it I feel so fucking stupid. My dad didnt deserve to walk me down the aisle. My dad dint deserve to be in all the pictures with my mom and my husbands parents. It should have been Rob.
I dont know, I think I was compensating for the time lost with my dad. Everything was still so fresh with him. I was helping him out, he talked to me everyday, I felt like he deserved to be back in my life.
When we were deciding who would give speeches, we had to cut some because it was just too many and me and my husband didnt really like the idea of hearing speeches for and hour and a half. So we decided for 5 people each. When I gave the list to my husband he even asked "no Rob?" And I said "yeah, my mom is already doing one". The others I chose were 2 of my bridesmaids, my mom, my sister (she really pushed for it) and, again, my dad. My husband said I should reconsider, He even thought of giving up one of his to put Rob in. I said it was fine, he didnt need to do that. My whole thinking when doing this was that Rob has my sister. He will have his moment. This was the only chance my dad had.
But I went too far. I completly cut him out of the party basically. If you look at the photos it doesnt even look like he went. My mom looks like she is faking a smile in half the pictures. I dont have a single picture with him. He only apears in group pictures, and some with my husband.
I only realised all of this when I texted Rob 2 days ago, asking him about a gift im giving my husbands for his birthday. He anwsered. Then asked about my car that is with a mecanic friend of his. He awnsered. Then I asked him something about my insurance. He did not anwser. A little over an hour later my mom called me. She just said "do you have no shame? Do you not understand what you did?" I just listend and she told me not to talk to Rob for now. I was just so fucking confused. I got home and told my husband and he just said that he knows what she is referencing but he will talk to her first.
Later, he showed me the wedding photos, he went step by step on everything I have listed here. He talked calmly, and broke it down for me. By the end I was crying so much that I had a headache. What an inconsiderate idiot I am. He told me that he and my mom didnt tell me anything before the party because Rob asked them not to. He understood that it was important for me for my father to be a big part of this day and when they protested he said that they should not make me worry about these small things.
I dont know what changed from before the party to now. My mom only tells me that he needs a bit of time and that he will talk to me soon. My husband keeps telling me that I made a mistake but Rob will be understanding and will forgive me. And I know that he will. He 100% has already forgiven me. He probably felt something when I was texting him that day that broke him down. I dont know what I said to trigger him at that moment, but also it doesnt really matter. I did the real damage at the party probably since he apeared to be fine with everything else before it (It was not fine by any means)
I have to make it up to him. I dont know how but I just do. I guess im just writing this here because im a little lost. Im too ashamed to talk about it with anyone else I know apart from my mom and husband. She doesnt tell me anything and my husband keeps insiting that everything will be fine and for me not to worry too much about it. And he is probably right but I feel like me not worrying about this is just being incosiderate to Rob again. I have to worry. I just dont know what to do.
Im now at work, and the only thing I can think about is this. Nothing else matters to me right now.
If someone has any kind of idea of how I can make it up to him I would greatly appreciate it.
Edit: Literally 40 minutes after I uploaded this, my mom texted me saying that Rob wants to speak to me tonight.
Relevant Comments
OOP on the situation of her insurance and Rob

OOP: Actually, Rob does not pay for my insurance. He only helped me set it up. And this is not about money at all, I make more than enough money and my husband is also very well off. Rob and my mom paid for the wedding because they wanted to. They told me it would be their gift for me and they gave me the money to use it on the wedding. My husbands family gave us a sum to help pay for our new house.
But your comment made me realise that this might be the problem, he might think im using him for money. That just breaks my heart. I do not want his money. I would happly take myself out of the my mom's will and his (if he has me in it, which he probably does), if it means I can fix this.
Also, he was not rich at all when he met my mom. He became successful after their marriage. Just to clarify.

OOP on why she didn’t plan the wedding photos ahead of time

OOP: My plan was that I wanted spontanious pictures and the photographer had to be changed last minute. In my head it worked out fine, what I wanted was to have the "important" pictures taken early, bridesmades, groomsman and family and later on have just spontanious pictures.
It was something I was too stuck on, this notion of "wasting time" doing pictures, speaches, etc.
But that was such dumb thinking. Thats what wedding are for.
At the end of the day though, everything went great apart from this disastrous oversight of mine.

Top Comments
RevolutionaryHat8988: I want to hug Rob. We all need a Rob in our lives.
Deleted Commenter: You’re almost 30 and needed all of this pointed out to you?
You made multiple conscious choices to exclude Rob from your wedding and only cared after you brought up an issue with your insurance: another thing he helped to pay for.
At your age you should know that choices have consequences.
I’m not sure there is anything you can do to make up for the choices you made.
 
Update May 9, 2024
First, I want to say some things before posting:

1. No, I am not Linda, my biological father isnt dying. Got a DM in here asking.
   
2. My sister is mostly just sad, not really mad at me. Just said she understood my situation but it still was really shitty seeing her father taken for granted and sad.
   
3. My mother is the person most pissed off at me at the moment. She is the only one that still does not talk to me. I mean she does, but not really.
   
4. For the people saying my husband and mother were idiots for not talking to me before: they agree and have told me this. My husband specially. Im not trying to shift blame here, just saying this for the people that talked about it
   

I was not going to post anything else on here. Not a fan of being called names and for people to keep saying that Rob should leave our family. Although Im well aware that I deserve most of everything that was said about me. The coments saying "the apple doesnt fall far from the tree" in regaards to me and my biological father were the ones that hurt the most as it is a fear of mine and the reason I dont drink much and dont use any drugs or anything that could be addictive. But seing how there are other things that could make us more similar than I realised is really frightening.
The day I posted here, my mom told me Rob wanted to speak to me and to go to their home after work. I went and waited for Rob to arrive. When he did my mom left us alone and he started off by saying that he was hurt by what I did at the wedding, that he knows he is not my father and that he would never try to force that on me, but that he at least thought he had some sort of importance in my life and seeing me just not give him any importance apart from talking to him when I need help with something made him realise that I do not view him the he thought I did.
At this point I was already crying so much that I couldnt even talk. I waited for him to finish and when he did I just told basically what you all saw in the post. That I fucked up bad, that I was incosiderate, that he is one of the most importante people in my life and that what I did was unforgivable.
The only reason I am posting it here is because of something during the conversation. He said something about my time at college and I went "but that was because..." and stoped. He asked me "what? because of what" I just said "nothing, you are right, that was my fault and I should have done better".
He was pretty angry at that point and he started to smile and we talked about me taking responsibility for my actions. Its something I am terrible at, it was an issue at my old job and since then I have been trying to be better at it but not very successfuly. He asked what changed and I told him about the post. Multiple people in the comments said that I dont take responsibility and yes, they read right through me. I showed it to him and reading the post calmed him down.
And no, he did not read the comments, just the ones I showed it to him, I would not let him see what some of you were saying about my mom.
So yes, he told me if I was going to say something else to thank you people for calling me out for not taking responsibility.
We talked about a lot of other things not related to the wedding. At the end I just told him that there were 2 things I wanted to say for him to take away from this conversation: I really did mean it when I was in HS and said that I wished he was my dad. Even now, with my biological dad in my life. I still feel that way. And the second thing is that I know that it will be hard for him to belive it right now because of what happened, but I will try to prove it to him for as long as it takes.
For those interested, I`ve been going to a therapist with my biological father once every 2 weeks since he came back, but I think I need one for myself so I will try to make it happen soon.
I want to thank 3 particular commenters that helped me.

1. The person that told me to take it slow with Rob and dmed me to stop looking at the thread cause I was spiraling.
   
2. The one that said: "People fuck up. Sometimes badly. But in a loving and caring family it's never the end of things as long as you are willing to own your mistakes."
   
3. And most importantly the best comment that was fair and gave me the right advice: "You are a spoilt, selfish, childish person. I don’t know that rob will forgive you but you can’t simply wait to see if he does. Write him a letter in which you fully own up to your awful behaviour. Do not say “I wish someone had stopped me” - that isn’t taking accountability for the way you treat people. With him and your mom paying for your wedding and your in laws paying for your house - you need to grow up and reflect very seriously on how you interact with everyone around you."
   

I guess the post served as the letter in the scenario, thank you, that was the slap in the face I needed to realise that I need to do a lot of work to improve myself and that the wedding was not its own thing, it was a reflection of who I am right now and I dont like what I see when I look in the mirror. Also, Rob more or less told me something similar, just not as a agressive, so this comment made me take his words as not him atacking me, but trying to help me understand my flaws.
Im not sure how I will make up for this. Rob is telling me that over time, just me being how I was before my biological father showed up will be enough for him. I dont doubt him but its not enough for me. I will live with what I did for the rest of my life. I will always remember.
The way I am now I actually need people to call me out for this kinds of things and its not fair to them. I will work on it, I have to. I will try my hardest to not ever hurt anyone I love this way again. Thankfully now I have someone in my husband to help me do that and call me out if needed. Thank you.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRa-Lunch
Originally posted to relationship_advice
My (38F) Husband (39M) hid having lunch with a coworker (25F) and said my food was ‘tasteless’. What do I do?
Trigger Warnings: emotional affair, verbal abuse, emotional abuse and manipulation
Original Post: May 5, 2024
I want this to be quick. I feel really weird about this and I’m on the verge of asking for a separation.
So, I’ve been with my husband for 15 years, married for 11. Amazing relationship, small bumps of course but nothing like this.
I’ve always made lunch for my husband to take to work, and up until a little over a month ago that was fine. Middle of March he said that a new Turkish food stand opened up outside of his office and that he had been eating lunches there instead because they were good. Alright, no problem.
So he just completely stopped asking for lunches. I had maybe packed 5 during this time frame for him, but I’m not even sure he was eating them now.
So on Thursday I was at home working and I had a phone call from him, thought he was calling during his lunch but he had butt dialled me instead.
At first, I didn’t hear much, just him talking to someone, and I was about to hang up until I heard a woman’s voice as well. I wouldn’t say I’m a jealous person, but I was a little bit curious so I muted my call at work and listened.
It was just standard conversation at first, he was praising this woman’s cooking A LOT. Which of course made me realise that he was eating lunch this coworker made. I was a bit peeved but there’s an explanation sure.
Although that went out the fucking window when she said “is it better than your wife’s?” To which he replied “Oh yeah, without a doubt. I mean, it’s not tasteless for a start” followed by laughing.
First of all, what the fuck is that supposed to mean? 15 years of cooking and NOW he has a complaint? And not even to me but some coworker!!
Also, that absolutely isn’t innocent on her end right? I’m not crazy in thinking that’s so weird, why even bring me up?
Anyway, I raised hell, ended the call, sent him a message not to ‘worry about my tasteless cooking anymore’ and that he ‘can eat from the bin’ from now on.
Hes apologised, said that he loves my food and was just trying to seem cool in front of his coworker. I asked why he lied about where he was getting lunch from, and he said that initially he did get it from that stand, but the coworker started offering and he didn’t want to tell me because he thought that I would get jealous (yeah, can you blame me?)
So, I’ve been airing him since. I’m still pissed to be honest, I haven’t made him lunch or dinner, only for myself since he said that he dislikes it so much. He said today that he’s apologised and that I shouldn’t keep punishing him but I’m literally an inch from going to my mums. I have a suitcase with my clothes packed under our bed ready.
Dad thinks it was a stupid comment, but that I should work it out, mum is on my side regardless of my decision. I’m thinking about leaving for a few days at least, maybe a separation but I honestly just want some reassurance if that’s what’s best here?
Relevant Comments
OOP on if this was a one-off situation

OOP: It’s a one off and so insanely weird coming from him. He’s never been that type of person at all. I can’t remember a single time hes said something negative about me to myself, never mind to someone else!
He hasn’t been suspicious with his phone of behaviour at all. He comes home on time and if he’s out with friends I can pretty much confirm it, so I’m not sure. Maybe at most an emotional affair or a crush? But at the moment I don’t think he’s cheating. I honestly just feel really hurt

OOP on if her husband can cook or not

OOP: He can barely cook, so it’d be more of a punishment for me to be honest. I’ve been making him cook for himself since this happened and he’s been miserable. Definitely agree with the asshole coworker though, no clue why she had the audacity to try and bring me up like that

I didn’t know. Yeah he’s apologised, but I’m still pretty hurt over it. Cooking for 15 years just to have him badmouth me sucks. Ideally I want him to cut ties with that coworker of his too for bringing me up. He won’t mention much of her but I feel like she’s just as bad too.
I’m also pretty annoyed he lied to me for a month about the fact that he was eating lunch with this coworker, her lunch too. I don’t see why he would

Blue-eagle-23: Has he agreed to stop having lunch with her? Even if she is not hoping to get with him she is certainly not a supporter of your relationship.

OOP: He said that he’ll stop having lunch with her and apparently has done since that happened. (Although I have no way of proving this)

the_taco_life: If he's not cheating on you with his much younger coworker, he wants to/is trying to. Man my vagina would dry up and blow away in a puff of dust over such classic creepy older dude behavior.
You're not overreacting. You're under reacting.

OOP: I absolutely feel it drying up already. It’s like everything I’ve found attractive in him has gone. He’s just so plain to me now.

issa_username29: Yeahhhh honestly I’d probably leave for at least a couple of days too, overhearing something like that would piss me off! Has he been weird with his phone or any other communication devices?

OOP: Absolutely nothing! No change in behaviour either. He hasn’t been cagey or weird, he’s let me use his phone whenever before all of this happened. He’s been completely normal

 
Update May 7, 2024
I’m back. It’s not a great update but you all deserve one for all of the advice you gave me on my last post.
He confirmed that he developed a crush on her, it’s an emotional affair at least and that’s all I really need to hear. I sat him down and had a heart to heart with him.
Bottom line are these points.

• if I hadn’t of heard what he said, he most likely would have continued flirting with her, he admitted this himself.
  
• he liked the attention, she had bad mouthed me previously (I didn’t ask for examples) and he didn’t shut it down because he liked it.
  
• She has actively been persuing him for over 3 months now, he hadn’t put a stop to it until I caught him.
  
• The Saturday before last she offered to give him a blowjob during lunch together, he declined, but he told me that he let her feel his muscles over his clothes.
  

The only reason he said all of this fucking shit was because I was all sweet and I said “I promise, tell me the full truth and we can move on, I’ll forgive you, I just want to know”
Right, fuck that. He is packing his bags. This is MY house, and it will be treated as such. I really don’t care anymore. If he’s seriously deluded himself into thinking this is going to last, he can crack on.
I’m genuinely so angry more than anything. I did everything for him. I make double what he does so I paid all the bills, while we used his money for fun stuff. When we met he had crippling CPTSD and body dysmorphia. I did fucking everything to help him get over it. I dealt with his night terrors every bloody night, despite it ruining my sleep. I reassured him constantly despite not getting it back. All of it without a bloody complaint. You love someone so much just for them to throw you away so easily.
He cried, had a panic attack that I had to calm him down from and is now taking his time packing. He keeps stopping to come into the living room to ask for a hug. I can’t even express how disgusted I feel, like I physically can’t even look at him anymore.
There was no need, if he was unhappy he should have told me, I don’t know why the hell he even felt the need to get some validation from this girl but sure, whatever.
He keeps saying he doesn’t know why he did it, but of course he knows, he’s just too much of a coward to tell me.
Well whatever, it’s done now. He’s leaving, his family is back in Germany so fuck knows who he’s staying with, probably her but I’m washing my hands of him.
Thank you for all of the advice you gave me on the last post, so many great ideas that I didn’t even end up needing to use because he just down right admitted it all to me.
Relevant Comments
Katatonic92: Doesn't know why he did it? Here's my guess based on the info you shared;

1. You saw him at his weakest & most vulnerable, you are clearly still his backbone judging from his current behaviour. He doesn't get to play the toxic image of manly man to you, in his mind, you are stronger than him. I guarantee he hasn't opened up to her about any vulnerabilities he has, it sounds like she has appealed to the toxic manly man ideal of making food & offering blowjobs to the big, strong muscular man. He gets to inflate his ego in a way he can't with you.
2. Not only have you emotionally supported him, you are also the main breadwinner, the provider. You cover the bills, the roof over your head, his contribution is the unnecessary fun stuff. This is yet another blow to the toxic manly man's fragile ego. He probably considers himself financially superior to her, his money could hold more "value" to her instead of it just being fun money you won't really miss.
3. He is older than her, gets to seem like the wiser, more worldly adult of the relationship. He will feel superior to her in every way he feels inferior to you.
4. He enjoyed the negative comments made about your food, not because they were necessarily true but because it meant you weren't perfect & someone else was validating it. Again, when you are insecure it is easier to find faults be derogatory towards a perceived threat to drag them down, instead of building themselves up.

Conclusion. Major insecurity, inflation of ego from someone he feels he holds superiority over. And as fucking usual, instead of recognising this bullshit, speaking to his wife who has done nothing but love & support him, go to see a therapist to work on his feelings, he goes down the easy road. Instead of doing the work to overcome his feelings of inadequacy, it was so much easier to gravitate to someone who not only let him ignore those feelings for a while, they also found a way to tear you down.
I'm sorry you are experiencing this, it is truly pathetic when someone would sooner risk causing this terminal heartbreak, than suffer short term discomfort by communicating. It's pathetic.

OOP: Jesus fucking Christ. How do I pin a comment? That’s so unbelievably true I can’t even say anything.
Physically he’s pretty intimidating. He’s 6’6 and about 270 pounds, and he can be pretty scary to people who don’t know him. But he’s always been extremely sweet and kind, and that’s one of his biggest insecurities, looking like a man but not ‘feeling’ like one. Which has always been bullshit to me. But yeah, everything you said is literally him.
I can’t even thank you enough for writing this. Having it down fully on here is so incredibly validating.

OOP on her husband’s co-worker being a problem

OOP: She is A problem. Singular. I’m not running to her house to curb stomp her because I don’t know a damn thing about this woman. But regardless. Yeah, she wanted to fuck a married man, is that fucked up? Absolutely, and if the chance comes around I’m being petty and getting revenge. But seriously, who’s the hell is she? Did I spend 15 years of my life with this woman? Did I make vows to her? NO.
Read this, then reread it sir. My HUSBAND, is at fault here, because he knew damn well what was going on. He knew this woman wanted him, he knew what was going to happen and he let it. What can I do to her? Nothing, what can I do to my husband? Divorce him. That’s the bottom line.
For the love of god, stop dick riding my husband and move on, it’s actually insane that I have to say this but no one is defending that woman, no one, we’re coming rightfully for my husband because of HIS part in all of this.

 
Soon to be ex saw my update, came to my house. I’m safe. - May 9, 2024
I can’t post another update to the relationship sub, and I didn’t know if people would see it if I just made an edit myself on my other post. Some shit went down, but I’m okay. Yesterday night STBX contacted me. A lot of people told me to delete my recent update made of the post, it honestly slipped my mind that he could be reading it too,
He said that he was a bit hurt that I’d think he would go for Alimony. But that he understands given everything. He told me that he wasn’t going to but if he needed to sign something to prove it he would.
I said given everything that’s happened he can’t blame me for being on alert. He said that he’s quit his job and that he’s thinking about returning to Germany to be with his family there, additionally he says he’s cut contact with that coworker. He apologised again and wished me the best
Right, and that would have been just fine by itself. But I woke up at about 2.15am last night needing a wee and I saw my ring door bell going off. I have footage of him just sitting outside my house talking to himself. Literally he got there at 1 ish, knocked, sat down on my front steps and just started talking. I slept through it and only woke up because I needed the bathroom. I literally sat in my closet for ages just watching the camera not knowing what to do until he left at 3am.
He’s probably going to read this too but I’m somewhere safe, I just can’t tell you all for obvious reasons. He sent me a message saying he can’t lose me, that I’m the love of his life. I told him to fuck off and blocked him.
I really can’t say much, but I’m taking action. Absolutely don’t worry about that little prick.
Just a possible last update, it’s a bit risky to tell you what’s happening now that it’s gotten a bit shittier, just in case it gets back to him.
Relevant Comments
OOP on her husband blowing up his life for his emotional affair and doing anything to get her back

OOP: I did end up asking him why he declined her offer for a blow job. I feel like at this point it’s pretty done and dusted, there isn’t really a need to keep lying.
He said the main thing was that he was a little bit afraid to cross that line, and that he had rationalised to himself that since it hadn’t turned physical, it wasn’t bad. (He didn’t really elaborate on why he was afraid, but we were each other’s firsts, so that’s maybe why?)
I cringed a bit writing about her feeling up his muscles. It feels a bit gross to type out for some reason. My STBX is a physically big bloke. He’s 6’6 and roughly 270. He was in the military for a while and he never got out of that routine. I really don’t know what he means when he says his muscles. I mean it could be any of them.
My heart does really hurt for him in a strange way. I was a bit panicked this morning after I woke up from the nights drama worried if he had a night terror or something. I know that he betrayed me, but I still can’t stop hoping that he’s okay. I’ve messaged some of his friends to check up on him just in case.

OOP on if she and her husband have kids

OOP Nope! No kids thank god! We’re childfree

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/CalligrapherAny4251
How do I 28M convince my wife 26F that MMF is a bad idea?
Originally posted to relationship_advice
Original Post May 8, 2024
My wife (26F) and myself (28M) have been together 8 years - and our relationship is excellent.
We’ve never had any fidelity issues. Not even flirty text messages or overly friendly co-workers.
We are both in good shape physically and are attractive individuals by most standards. My wife consistently reminds me how attracted she is to me and we struggle to keep our hands off of each other even after almost a decade together.
Sex is consistent and always great for both of us - we are very vocal about fantasies and trying to new things has always been easy between the two of us.
We were on vacation two months ago when my wife randomly suggested a threesome while we were at a local bar. I was beyond shocked and even with a few drinks in me, was convinced she was joking and wasn’t going to fall for it.
She eventually convinced me she was serious and I went along with it. She immediately points to a young lady who supposedly had been staring at me from across the room and my wife had noticed, found the girl attractive as well, and had the spontaneous idea.
I had not been with another woman for so long it was difficult to get in to it at first. My wife on the other hand, was loving every second of it. Seeing her enthusiasm and enjoyment eventually got me more involved and it ended up being a really good time and a lot of fun for all of us.
We talked about it a few times but only how hot/enjoyable it was. Sex was normal and there was nothing awkward following the encounter.
Fast forward to yesterday and the reason for my post:
At our local gym, I periodically go to find my wife and check on her throughout our workouts. As I approach her I come in at the exact moment she is making eye contact with another man through the wall length mirrors of the gym. She smiles at him and sheepishly looks away.
I choose to ignore it in the moment and go about finishing my workout.
That night at dinner, my wife casually asks if I would want to try another threesome. I say not really. She follows up by expressing interest in trying one with another guy as if that may change my mind.
I tell you my heart sank. I felt so many emotions in that moment I can’t even quantify them.
I realized that her flirtation with a stranger at the gym is likely fueled by an internal fantasy/desire for a MFM threesome. Flirting or even giving another man the time of day is something she’s never done.
I hid my emotions well because even after I said that didn’t interest me she tried to compare our last experience and encourage me saying it might be a lot of fun.
I’m at a loss. I feel like I somehow unlocked something in my wife that will cause a lot of issues if not handled properly.
How do I set a boundary that’s already been crossed? And how do I convince her that’s not what a want without leaving her with desires and fantasies that I can’t fulfill?
TLDR;
How do I handle my spouse wanting a MFM threesome after having our first threesome experience (FFM) only two months ago that my spouse also suggested and I agreed to. How do I convince her that’s not what I want without leaving these new feelings and desires unfulfilled?
EDIT: better explanation for the issue: I feel like I can’t just say no, I want to address these new desires and fantasies that she’s having and still maintain my boundaries and our relationship.
EDIT 2: MFM threesome as in two straight men and one woman
EDIT 3: clarify a few things:
I don’t know “gym guy” and didn’t recognize him - my wife also just suggested it like “maybe another guy” and didn’t specifically mention “gym guy” as the other M
My wife is bi
Definitely enjoyed the vacation threesome but was genuinely hesitant UNTIL I was fully convinced my wife was into it and that allowed me to enjoy myself and not feel guilty - we both were honest afterwards and it was enjoyable for both of us. Our sex life returned to normal and there was no awkwardness.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
When told he's a hypocrite

I understand that’s your opinion but that’s also why I’m here - I want to understand the perception of the double standard or hypocrisy. I know it’s a cheesy analogy but that’s how I can explain it from my angle - and I want to understand yours

~
Commenter

I honestly dunno what you should do so I’m not asking to make you feel one way or the other
I just like… don’t get it.
If you’ve seen a woman make your wife cum and it wasn’t emasculating, is it literally just the presence of a penis going into her that makes you feel emasculated?
I’m bi and am with a bi woman. I know a lot of bi women. A lot of us have had SIGNIFICANTLY better sex with other women compared to men. Most bi women I know had a ‘best’ partner that was a woman.
It’s kinda crazy to me that this apparently would not be seen as emasculating or a threat to a man in a FFM. It feels like it posits lesbian sex as less real or significant. I mean this on a macro level, not really applied to your specific situation.
But yeah I just keep reading that you mainly got off on your wife’s pleasure last time. And I get you wouldn’t feel that vibe with a man. It just all kinda breaks my brain.
Makes me realize a lot of dudes think a penis is the end all be all to sex, but again not saying you. I get you being straight adds layers.

OOP

This is a really helpful take thank you and I genuinely appreciate the breakdown - this is just follow up thoughts not saying right or wrong
I can 100% see the the comparison with the sex and it’s definitely just my predisposition as a straight man that makes it different for me - I did not see the other girl as competition or an issue and enjoyed watching my wife with another woman - everyone had their own role and could contribute to each persons sexual enjoyment
I was the only male in the last one so it feels very different compared with another male with an identical role to mine - my hetero male brain perceives it as obviously a competition - doesn’t matter what you look like or what you’re packing
I don’t share any attraction to the extra guy and we’re just competing for the woman while trying not to make eye contact

Update May 9, 2024
Original post here
I’ll start off by saying I really appreciate everyone who stopped by and shared their opinions and insight
I ended up having a conversation with my wife a lot sooner than I anticipated and wanted to share the outcome because I got a lot of great advice from this subreddit - I also didn’t realize how common this topic is
Some context first because I think it’s important to understand the dynamic I have with my wife:
I’m a co-founder of a company in our home city and have a very flexible work schedule that allows me to WFH almost every day
My wife has not worked in 4 years and spends a lot of time at home as well - this dynamic causes us to spend about 90% of our time together. I don’t get drinks with the boys while she’s at home and she’s never left me at home to go out
For some people that would cause a lot of friction - but because it’s been that way for almost the whole time we are instead very close and I can honestly say my wife is my best friend
I’ve always known I’m my wife’s type but over the years her attraction to me has grown - I’ve always been tall and well built but I’ve made a lot of progress in my physique in recent years as well as the success of my business has contributed to the way my wife views me and treats me.
Which is why I was so confident that she is genuinely curious and explorative rather than manipulative or disloyal. You simply could not fake her behavior for 4 years without being a complete psychopath.
WITH ALL THAT SAID… let me explain how this conversation went:
I came home from the gym this morning and immediately told her I wanted to get something off my chest
We sat down and I said “I’d be open to a threesome with another guy… did you have someone in mind?”
Two reasons I opened like that: I wanted to put her on the spot so she couldn’t articulate a response and would just be honest - and second I wanted to know how much she thought about it (i.e. did she have a guy in mind already)
Her excitement was immediate - she was definitely still interested but said she hadn’t thought about the other guy but figured we could do something similar to our vacation fling - and told me I could pick someone out
This made me feel better but I slipped up and blurted out “well what was with you eye balling that dude at the gym last week when you brought the whole thing up”
She was kinda taken aback but then looked shamed and after a brief conversation she told me after our vacation threesome she had been kind of obsessed with the sexual encounter and loved the attention
It felt like a lot to unpack at first but her honesty really helped me understand - she told me it made her feel desired and attractive - assured me it’s not because I don’t show her enough of that - but coming from a stranger made it feel sexy
It was weird to hear but I thought on it for a moment and admitted I admire attractive strangers too and enjoy attention from them - it’s the internal part of me that knows it’ll never happen that clears my conscious - is my wife’s honesty about her fantasizing much different from me? Probably not.
Her MFM fantasies started after reading a novel with a few of those “scenes” and the protagonist’s husband was not only into it but supportive so I can see how it would soften up the topic and make her feel it was a legitimate ask
I admitted I was not into the idea of a MFM encounter at all - but still wanted to satisfy those desires as best I could while maintaining our exclusivity
She suggested another woman again but with some added tools that could mimic a male partner (fill in the blank there)
I reiterated that I wanted to avoid another partner all together - she took that really well and seemed to understand my emotions better.
The conversation ended really well and I actually feel so much better understanding her feelings at that deep level - I could relate to a lot of it if I’m honest and understand humans are sexual creatures that want to be admired and desired - but that doesn’t make my wife any less faithful to me or love me less. At the end of the day what we truly want is each other and to make each other happy.
She ordered a few toys that will better fulfill what she wants to try and she seemed genuinely excited which made me feel a lot better.
We both want to explore and expand our sex life - but with us at the center and would not compromise something real and lasting for short term gratification
TLDR;
I was honest with my wife and just put it all on the table: I didn’t want any more group sex, regardless of genders involved, but I want to understand why that’s something she wants and how we can compromise.
The ideas that she finds sexy about a MFM encounter I can accomplish with some role play and extra toys - making my wife feel comfortable enough to enjoy what she likes is an important role for me and I won’t shy away from it if she agrees to recognize my boundaries
As far as the flirtation and suggestion of an MFM I have put my big boy pants on and understand two things in order to move on:
1 - I like attention too, I’ve innocently flirted before, I like getting looks from attractive women, I fantasize sometimes. I clear my conscious because I would never act on them. Asking a human to never have sexual thoughts or deny themselves attention for the sake of ultra-strict monogamy is not sustainable. I don’t like to see it, but knowing my wife doesn’t have any IRL relationships that are questionable is the ultimate reason I know it’s harmless and relate to my own feelings to better understand. I should focus on being the best partner I can be without projecting insecurities.
2 - I have to take ownership that I had a threesome with another woman and my wife wasn’t bothered… why? I don’t fully understand but everyone’s different. I could have easily agreed to an MFM encounter and high-fived the guy afterwards if my brain was wired that way… but it’s not and the idea instead made me jealous and angry. That’s not my wife’s fault - and I should be willing to give her the chance to understand that’s not what I want and not resent her for suggesting it.
THE RECAP:
Again, I sincerely appreciate everyone’s thoughts and contributions
My wife and I communicate very well and I say with confidence that we reached an actionable conclusion.
I know what she wants and why - I know how I can give that to her without compromising on our relationship or my own boundaries
I understand that I should have never agreed to the first encounter as it likely cascaded into a lot more for my wife than it did for me - I would encourage anyone else who finds themselves in this situation to never go down that road at all.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Swdmwsd24

As I said a few times, communicate which you did and great job. My wife read your original post and was very much like, why is it okay for him to have another woman, but she can't have another guy. She said it always seemed to be the case. That men get what they want. We're not saying you really wanted it, but subconscious it could be a possibility. Toys may work for the time being, but what if she wants the real thing at some point? I understand about the jealousy and things. We're all human, and one thing stood out that you even said it in your first post that their were no flirting text or coworkers up until your vacation, but now you admit to flirting with other woman and like the attention from other woman. You got upset with her flirting, and now you see the issue and dealing with it that you both like having attention by others, and there is nothing wrong with it. You're not acting on it and don't want to, it seems like. Just keep open communication and see where it goes it may lead to her getting the MFM she would like. Open minds, communication, and strong hearts overcome everything. DM if you want. My wife will read the update as well.

OOP

Hey man thanks so much for the comment and even getting your wife’s opinion because that’s a big part of what I was looking for
Your breakdown is spot on - I know it’s probably a temporary fix but it has put a hard stop on group sex and we could find a way to move on which is my goal
As far as the flirting you made another good point but I’ll just clarify I said “flirty text messages” meaning my wife has always been faithful to me and never even given me a reason to think otherwise
My recap was definitely more honest because that was part of our conversation too - I understand that “innocent flirting” as I put it was more about attention in general and how I understand as an attractive person she gets attention and doesn’t mind - which I have to be honest and say I get that because I enjoy attention too
As far as getting some guys number and texting him or hanging out because of that attention.. never happens which is a big difference for me
All in all - you’re 100% right but I’m glad I managed to wind this down and hopefully I won’t put myself in a situation that dumb

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

So. Firstly, hey old friend, I know you're here. You commented on my last inquiry which I since removed...it was your store, indeed. I didn't feel like I should go too far outing the dirty laundry then, but now we're good. Hah. Thanks for being a good one. You're missed, and good Lord it has been pandemonium since.
So, let me reiterate my last post with some wild new details and a different point of focus in hopes to figure out what the hell is going on and what others would do...Because I haven't even heard of situations like this, let alone been in one.
So. I was injured in a car accident back in May, I have vestibular damage causing me a lost sense of equilibrium and constant nausea. I first went to an injury chiropractor, he set me up for 3x weekly appointments, and referred me out to neurology, whom referred me out to 3x weekly physical therapy, and requires I go back to them for neurological testing at least monthly. I was out of work for 6 days following the injury because I didn't want to lose my pay, and have been in since, popping my zofran, nurtec, and nsaids like they're candy to get by. Suddenly I had a ton of weekly appointments, but I opened an intermittent leave case with Sedgwick. (I don't qualify for FMLA, I've only been there just under nine months.) Sedgwick has taken until this week to approve anything, and initially had denied my case citing insufficient information even though they were given paperwork on three occasions regarding my needs. They claimed they never received anything when I spoke to them on Friday of last week, but suddenly every claim was approved after I talked to HR and told them about their "missing" paperwork on Monday. My RXOM was wonderful and would work with me on my appointments, I'd leave a little early, or take a slightly extended lunch break. No one seemed to care except for the store manager, who repeatedly yelled at her. We had no pharmacy manager when it began, but once she started, she let me leave twice for my appointments when the RXOM wasn't in...then went on leave for like three weeks, returning two days ago. Suddenly I looked at my schedule and saw I was off every day I had an appointment scheduled. This is what she kept telling my RXOM to do, and she wouldn't. So...store manager took her scheduling privileges citing "someone complained about how she makes the schedule" I figured this every other day schedule was forever - but it seems it was only a week. I can't verify whether the following weeks changed after I made a report...but as soon as I noticed that arrangement, I filed a retaliation and hostile work environment report with HR over email. Not even including my situation, it is an absolutely intolerable environment where retaliation, micromanagement, intimidation, working distracted and multitasking while conducting HIPAA related tasks, and shame are all encouraged. On Monday I couldn't use the time clock, it was acting like my employee ID didn't exist. Weird. But my RXOM (who quit the day after, good for her) was able to clock me in so I didn't sweat it. The store manager rejected every appointment and has been scheduling me over them. On Monday I left for physical therapy without approval, but with two weeks notice in which it could have been approved. HR called Monday as I was pulling back in to work from my appointment asking for clarification on my case (which is comical because the SM was walking out of the building while we were on the phone. Felt poetic somehow) ...and things are just even more weird now. Suddenly I was pulled aside yesterday by the pharmacy manager and let know that my RXOM was wrong and I need to hand my appointments to her as soon as possible so she can work with the store manager to get coverage. Okay, sure. They were already all in the system as denied requests, but whatever, here's your list of what I know now. Today, I was pulled aside again and let know that actually, they checked with Sedgwick and HR and they said they need three weeks notice for any appointments to be approved and for me to not face repercussions, so after my appointment on Friday, I need to tell them I need to be scheduled three weeks out. For a sudden injury, revolving care case....right. how does that work? “Hey I broke my arm, but I can't go to the doctor because my work needs three weeks notice...you got anything a month from now?” The world doesn't work that way. I'm not going to a party ffs, I'm going to the doctor's for an hour tops. I don't have three weeks notice for things starting immediately several times a week, it's legitimately not possible. So I haven't been able to clock in for days, but I'm handing in my time and was even asked to work overtime tonight due to resignations. Another employee came to me today and said they can't put me on the schedule for some reason but I can consider my hours as another employee who is started leave today. He's on the schedule...as me. I went in to see the schedule, and apparently according to the scheduler I was terminated on Sunday. I literally joked about it on Monday, "oh, maybe I was fired and everyone forgot to tell me" - but, I mean…that's what this looks like. If I try to view any weeks following this one, it says I'm not an eligible employee. So, I can't even see the hours for the person I'm pretending to be next week. What the hell. So I've worked days with no true documentation of those hours. Now my hours are being logged under another employee...and, I'm here wondering how payroll is going to work if I'm fired in the system. 🤔 There is no way my pay isn't messed up next check. No way. What do I do? Do I refuse to go in because if my account has been deactivated and I can't clock in and have documentation of my time, I won't work until I can do so? Make them fix it? Do I go in on the next day the SM is in and wring her out like a towel figuring out how it happened? I'm genuinely fine if they do fire me after that. My blood pressure skyrockets so far I can't see straight when I'm there, I've got something lined up but was simply trying to avoid a lapse in pay between the two…the sooner the better. I can do gig work in between. Do I work and just keep handing my hours in and hope for the best? Do I hire another attorney since mine doesn't do employment stuff? Something feels entirely wrong about it all and I'm totally lost. Am I the asshole, like? So far everyone agrees that I'm not, but...I'm made to feel otherwise. The store manager won't truly speak to me about the matter. She tells other managers to tell me what she has to say. It's absurd. But, I have no desire to speak to her either, so I guess I get it. And to top it all off, all anyone says is get as much as you can on paper. I...i have nothing. Nothing at all. I don't even know what to get or how I'd get it. I had taken schedule screen prints but since threw them out since they didn't actually verify my initial claim (of being cut hours for the duration of my treatment...I jumped the gun.) and so...I'm completely baffled. Should I just walk the fuck out and let it go? I feel bad for the others, we're already drowning...but it's going to compound anyway.
Y'all got thoughts?

This may end up just being a rant and I’m sorry if that’s the case.
Back in 2019 my wife and I had A LOT of issues and I filed for divorce and moved out. A few months after we reconciled and for the most part our relationship/marriage has been great.
I know that during our separation she met multiple men and slept with some of them. All of these things I know for a fact but she will never admit.
One of these guys she still talks to regularly on Snapchat to this day. When she met him, she sent him explicit pictures and had explicit conversations. Once we reconciled those pictures were still saved in their Snapchat conversation and still are to this day (I have proof). My wife even did a boudoir photoshoot “for me”, but sent him the pictures as well.
I confronted her about it and told her that the boudoir pictures she supposedly did for me (which was a huge thing for me and our relationship) meant nothing to me after finding out that she sent them to him as well because at that point they were no longer “for me”. They were a Christmas present to me and it hurt me a lot to find out that someone else had the privilege of seeing them. I haven’t looked at them since.
She told me she would never do that again and would stop talking to this person. I knew at the time it was a lie but gave her the benefit of the doubt and left it alone. I found out that she continued to talk to him like nothing happened and to this day they Snapchat constantly. They send pictures back and forth every day. She always does it when I’m not around as I work 11 hours a day and she works from home. I have no clue what the pictures are or the context but I know for a fact it’s happening as she has slipped and replied to his messages in bed when she thought I was asleep.
I have confronted her numerous times on the subject and even gone as far as to ask how “so and so” is doing to let her know that I know she’s still in contact with him. I refer to him as her “boyfriend” and she doesn’t even flinch.
I feel as though I’m being cheated on constantly and no matter how many times I confront her, nothing will change. I feel that she values this guy over me and will choose talking to this guy over me and my feelings toward the subject.
Either she doesn’t understand how this hurts me or she just doesn’t care. I’m leaning toward the latter.
I love my wife and can’t imagine my life without her but I refuse to feel like I’m 2nd best any longer
My wife is the only one for me and I want to be the only one for her, and if I’m not, I deserve to know.
Not sure what I’m looking for by posting this but any insight would help.

Alright everyone, today i have a true story for you, happened last year.
Even today i'm a 17 year old spoiled brat, but i've been one for a while now. Last year even more. Ever since i started my teenage years i've been smoking, drinking and flirting with drugs (you dont need to tell me how fucked up it is, i know myself), but when i went at a party or whatever i didn't really go out of my town, at least until last year. I started taking mid-distance trains to get to my friend's cities and met a lot of people, mostly alternative people. I was always bouncing from one group of people to another and eventually i started hanging out with this dudes who liked going to the mountains. I enjoyed going hitchhiking with them because it wasn't something i had done a lot before, and eventually became an amateur myself. Over the weeks we really got along and we started going hiking at least once a week. We always went to the same spot, a clear in the middle of a little forest in which we could settle up a campfire and sometimes a tent. This one weekend was one of those special ones when we'd camp and stay the weekend. Exams were over, summer started, we had a lot of alcohol, a lot of weed and some girls came too, so we were pretty hyped. The first night was pretty chill. We had the music and the private camping little party going and i even got lucky with one of the girls. At some point of the night, i was high as hell and i got into the woods to take a piss. Whenever i'm walking alone, in the streets, in high school or in the woods, i tend to whistle. Most of the times songs from the beatles and such that are burned into my memory. I was walking through the trees, whistling "do you want to know a secret" and started pissing on a random pine while still whistling the melody, until i heard something:
"shhhh"
I stopped immediately, even with the peeing. I looked around, trying to search where did it come from, but it wasn't far away. At the moment i wasnt really scared, mostly because i was under the influence and didnt really pay to much attention or just didn't care. At that moment, the only thing in my brain was to pee and go back to the tent where a hot alternative chick would be waiting for me, so i finished my bussiness and got back to camp.
I was the first one to wake up next morning. I got up to the pleasant smell of humanity and people who didn't shower in two days. I didn't have a hangover or anything and i was feeling pretty activated, so i got out for a morning walk. I had walked through those trees multiple times before. I knew the trail and even the animals that could be around. I should have walked down calmly like i used to, but that day i was feeling uncanny. I started walking slower at each step because this horrible feeling that i was being watched was growing. At that point, i was paranoid. I looked around trying to see and analyze every detail. I could only see bushes, trees, rocks and a person. a person?
Like 50 meters away, i could hardly distinguish the dark silhouete of a head peeking at me from behind a tree. The moment i noticed it i froze. Whoever was there must have realized i saw them because they instantly hid behind the tree. I just stood there like a statue wondering what was that and trying to reason it, maybe it was a squirrel climbing the tree or something, but even tho i couldn't see the face, or the hair or anything other than a shadow, i was sure it was a person. Without taking my eyes from that one tree, i started slowly walking back into camp. When i got there, some of the guys were already up. We had a good vibe and i didn't really want to kill it and scare everyone, so i took one of my friends and secretly told him what i had seen. I told him i thought we were being stalked, and he just answered me that it could have been any other hitchhiker and that even if we were being stalked, we were like 10 guys. I acted as if that calmed me down and the rest of the day, i just tried not to think about it and to have fun. After all, that was the purpose of the trip.
Just in case, that night i made sure to stay sober. Everyone was dancing, smoking, having sex or telling stories and i was just standing there keeping an eye on the woods. The girl i had been with the night before came to me and started talking to me. Looking into her eyes i realized i was being paranoid and that i should just forget about it and have fun. We started kissing and hugging each other and she eventually told me to go to the tent with her. I was dying to sleep with her but i also had to pee, so i told her to go and that i would be there later. I looked at the woods, took my pocket knife and started walking towards them. I was determined that if i found anyone stalking, i'd just yell at them and tell them to go, and if they didn't, someone would have to get stabbed. I was about to finish my task on a tree, this time without whistling, when i heard it again.
"shhhh"
My blood ran cold. It was much closer than the last time. I looked up, until where the lights of our camp could let a clear view, and i saw a naked man sprinting at me. I didn't even try to stay around and see his face. All of my determination and masculinity dropped below zero at that instant. I ran faster than i have ever ran. Usain Bolt would have been no one. Adrenaline really does miracles. I kept running and gasping for air, i couldn't even scream and i was in the verge of crying. I could hear that maniac get closer and closer, until i finally got to camp, and he stopped in his tracks. I told everyone what happened, and all the boys got their pocket knifes and went out there to find him. I stayed at the tent, maybe i was a coward or a babygirl or whatever but i swore to every god i wasn't gonna get out of there until the sun came out.
The next day, we all packed our things and left quietly. Everyone was shook from last night. I kept asking my friends if they saw something but they didn't answer and just changed the topic. We never got back there and sadly i got away from that kind of activities. I'm thankful i wasn't killed or raped that night and to this day, i still don't know who he was, and what did he want.

May 15/16 2024
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CARRACK	CCU'ed - LTI	$345	✔️ YES
MERCHANTMAN	CCU'ed - LTI	$350	✔️ YES
ORION	CCU'ed - LTI	$350	✔️ YES
PERSEUS	CCU'ed - LTI	$370	✔️ YES
ODYSEY	CCU'ed - LTI	$380	✔️ YES
HAMERHEAD	CCU'ed - LTI	$390	✔️ YES
NAUTILUS	CCU'ed - LTI	$390	✔️ YES
POLARIS	CCU'ed - LTI	$395	✔️ YES

⬇️🤑 Saving Cost WARBOND/Pre-Price UPGRADES 🤑⬇️

FROM	📌	TO 👇	Insurance	Price
Reliant Mako	➡️	Freelancer	-	$10
Nova	➡️	Cutlass Red	-	$10
Hornet Tracker		Prospector	-	$10
Sabre	➡️	A1 Spirit	-	$15
Hornet Tracker	➡️	SRV	-	$16
Hull B	➡️	SRV	-	$16
Defender	➡️	Corsair	120	$15
Railen	➡️	Corsair	120	$15
F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	➡️	Defender	-	$12
Retaliator Bomber	➡️	Eclipse	120	$15
Prowler	➡️	Hull C	-	$25
F7C-M Super Hornet	➡️	Hurricane	-	$15
Liberator	➡️	Merchantman	-	$38
Vanguard Hoplite	➡️	Mercury	120	$12
Hull D	➡️	Orion	120	$56
Perseus	➡️	Polaris	120	$56
Reclaimer	➡️	Prowler	120	$25
Prospector	➡️	Sabre	120	$12
A1 Spirit	➡️	San'tok.yāi	120	$20
Starfarer Gemini	➡️	Valkyrie	-	$25
Razor	➡️	Vulture	-	$15

⬇️☀️ Standard UPGRADES ☀️⬇️

FROM	📌	TO 👇	Price	Availability
Aurora MR	➡️	MPUV C	$9	✔️ YES
Mustang Alpha	➡️	MPUV C	$9	✔️ YES
Aurora MR	➡️	P-72 Archimedes	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
HoverQuad	➡️	P-72 Archimedes	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Aurora MR	➡️	Ranger CV	$9	✔️ YES
HoverQuad	➡️	Ranger CV	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Aurora MR	➡️	Ranger RC	$9	✔️ YES
HoverQuad	➡️	Ranger RC	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Aurora LX	➡️	Ranger TR	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Dragonfly Black	➡️	Nox	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
P-72 Archimedes	➡️	X1	$14	✔️ YES
Dragonfly Black	➡️	X1	$9	✔️ YES
Dragonfly Yellowjacket	➡️	X1	$9	✔️ YES
STV	➡️	X1	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
C8X Pisces Expedition	➡️	Cutter Rambler	$9	✔️ YES
Cutter	➡️	Cutter Rambler	$9	✔️ YES
Mule	➡️	Cutter Rambler	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
C8X Pisces Expedition	➡️	Cutter Scout	$9	✔️ YES
Cutter	➡️	Cutter Scout	$9	✔️ YES
Mule	➡️	Cutter Scout	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
STV	➡️	X1 Velocity	$14	✔️ YES
Cutter	➡️	X1 Velocity	$9	✔️ YES
Mule	➡️	X1 Velocity	$9	✔️ YES
X1	➡️	X1 Velocity	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
100i	➡️	Fury	$9	✔️ YES
Cutter Rambler	➡️	Fury	$9	✔️ YES
Cutter Scout	➡️	Fury	$9	✔️ YES
Ursa	➡️	Fury	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
100i	➡️	Fury LX	$9	✔️ YES
Cutter Rambler	➡️	Fury LX	$9	✔️ YES
Cutter Scout	➡️	Fury LX	$9	✔️ YES
Ursa	➡️	Fury LX	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
100i	➡️	Fury MX	$9	✔️ YES
Cutter Rambler	➡️	Fury MX	$9	✔️ YES
Cutter Scout	➡️	Fury MX	$9	✔️ YES
Ursa	➡️	Fury MX	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
100i	➡️	Mustang Gamma	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Cutter	➡️	X1 Force	$14	✔️ YES
100i	➡️	X1 Force	$9	✔️ YES
X1 Velocity	➡️	X1 Force	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Cyclone	➡️	Lynx	$9	✔️ YES
Fury	➡️	Lynx	$9	✔️ YES
ROC	➡️	Lynx	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
300i	➡️	C8R Pisces	$9	✔️ YES
Avenger Stalker	➡️	C8R Pisces	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
125a	➡️	Cyclone RC	$9	✔️ YES
300i	➡️	Cyclone RC	$9	✔️ YES
Avenger Stalker	➡️	Cyclone RC	$9	✔️ YES
300i	➡️	Cyclone RN	$9	✔️ YES
Avenger Stalker	➡️	Cyclone RN	$9	✔️ YES
300i	➡️	Cyclone TR	$9	✔️ YES
Avenger Stalker	➡️	Cyclone TR	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Avenger Stalker	➡️	G12a	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Avenger Stalker	➡️	Mustang Delta	$9	🔥 Last one!
-	📌	TO 👇
135c	➡️	Syulen	$9	✔️ YES
Reliant Kore	➡️	Syulen	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
325a	➡️	Avenger Titan Renegade	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
325a	➡️	Cyclone MT	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Reliant Kore	➡️	Reliant Tana	$14	✔️ YES
325a	➡️	Reliant Tana	$9	✔️ YES
Syulen	➡️	Reliant Tana	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Arrow	➡️	Cyclone AA	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
300i	➡️	Spartan	$25	✔️ YES
G12	➡️	Spartan	$25	🔥 Last one!
G12r	➡️	Spartan	$25	🔥 Last one!
Arrow	➡️	Spartan	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Nomad	➡️	Avenger Warlock	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Nomad	➡️	Herald	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Arrow	➡️	Reliant Sen	$14	✔️ YES
Nomad	➡️	Reliant Sen	$9	✔️ YES
Spartan	➡️	Reliant Sen	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Arrow	➡️	Storm	$19	✔️ YES
Nomad	➡️	Storm	$14	✔️ YES
Reliant Sen	➡️	Storm	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Gladius	➡️	Reliant Mako	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Reliant Sen	➡️	M50	$19	✔️ YES
Gladius	➡️	M50	$14	✔️ YES
Hull A	➡️	M50	$14	✔️ YES
Reliant Mako	➡️	M50	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Gladius	➡️	Storm AA	$14	✔️ YES
Storm	➡️	Storm AA	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Hull A	➡️	Buccaneer	$25	✔️ YES
Hawk	➡️	Buccaneer	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Gladius	➡️	Centurion	$25	✔️ YES
Hull A	➡️	Centurion	$25	🔥 Last one!
-	📌	TO 👇
Gladius	➡️	Talon	$30	✔️ YES
Reliant Mako	➡️	Talon	$25	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Arrow	➡️	Talon Shrike	$46	✔️ YES
Gladius	➡️	Talon Shrike	$30	✔️ YES
Reliant Mako	➡️	Talon Shrike	$25	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Freelancer	➡️	Legionnaire	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
M50	➡️	Nova	$25	🔥 2 Left!
Cutlass Black	➡️	Nova	$14	✔️ YES
Freelancer	➡️	Nova	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Cutlass Black	➡️	350r	$19	✔️ YES
Talon	➡️	350r	$14	✔️ YES
Talon Shrike	➡️	350r	$14	✔️ YES
Legionnaire	➡️	350r	$9	✔️ YES
Nova	➡️	350r	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Cutlass Black	➡️	C1 Spirit	$19	✔️ YES
Freelancer	➡️	C1 Spirit	$19	✔️ YES
Nova	➡️	C1 Spirit	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
F7C Hornet	➡️	Cutlass Red	$30	🔥 Last one!
Freelancer	➡️	Cutlass Red	$30	🔥 Last one!
F7C-S Hornet Ghost	➡️	Cutlass Red	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Cutlass Red	➡️	Hull B	$9	✔️ YES
Freelancer DUR	➡️	Hull B	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
F7C-R Hornet Tracker	➡️	Razor	$9	✔️ YES
Hull B	➡️	Razor	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Ballista	➡️	E1 Spirit	$14	✔️ YES
Razor	➡️	E1 Spirit	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
F7C-R Hornet Tracker	➡️	Expanse	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
F7C-R Hornet Tracker	➡️	Razor LX	$14	✔️ YES
Razor	➡️	Razor LX	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Razor	➡️	Zeus Mk II CL	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Razor	➡️	Zeus Mk II ES	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Razor	➡️	Razor EX	$14	✔️ YES
Freelancer MAX	➡️	Razor EX	$9	✔️ YES
Mantis	➡️	Razor EX	$9	✔️ YES
Razor LX	➡️	Razor EX	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Prospector	➡️	Gladiator	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Hull B	➡️	Khartu-Al	$35	✔️ YES
Prospector	➡️	Khartu-Al	$19	✔️ YES
Gladiator	➡️	Khartu-Al	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Freelancer MAX	➡️	Sabre	$25	🔥 2 Left!
Prospector	➡️	Sabre	$19	✔️ YES
Razor EX	➡️	Sabre	$19	✔️ YES
Gladiator	➡️	Sabre	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Cutlass Red	➡️	Cutlass Blue	$46	✔️ YES
Prospector	➡️	Cutlass Blue	$25	✔️ YES
Sabre	➡️	Cutlass Blue	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Prospector	➡️	F7C Hornet Wildfire	$25	✔️ YES
Razor EX	➡️	F7C Hornet Wildfire	$25	✔️ YES
Gladiator	➡️	F7C Hornet Wildfire	$14	✔️ YES
Khartu-Al	➡️	F7C Hornet Wildfire	$9	✔️ YES
Sabre	➡️	F7C Hornet Wildfire	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
E1 Spirit	➡️	Freelancer MIS	$30	✔️ YES
Prospector	➡️	Freelancer MIS	$25	✔️ YES
Razor EX	➡️	Freelancer MIS	$25	✔️ YES
Gladiator	➡️	Freelancer MIS	$14	✔️ YES
Khartu-Al	➡️	Freelancer MIS	$9	✔️ YES
Sabre	➡️	Freelancer MIS	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Prospector	➡️	F7C-M Super Hornet	$35	✔️ YES
Razor EX	➡️	F7C-M Super Hornet	$35	✔️ YES
Gladiator	➡️	F7C-M Super Hornet	$25	✔️ YES
Khartu-Al	➡️	F7C-M Super Hornet	$19	✔️ YES
Sabre	➡️	F7C-M Super Hornet	$19	✔️ YES
Cutlass Blue	➡️	F7C-M Super Hornet	$14	✔️ YES
F7C Hornet Wildfire	➡️	F7C-M Super Hornet	$14	✔️ YES
Freelancer MIS	➡️	F7C-M Super Hornet	$14	✔️ YES
Vulture	➡️	F7C-M Super Hornet	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Prospector	➡️	Sabre Comet	$35	✔️ YES
Vulture	➡️	Sabre Comet	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Vulture	➡️	Zeus Mk II MR	$19	✔️ YES
F7C-M Super Hornet	➡️	Zeus Mk II MR	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Prospector	➡️	A1 Spirit	$51	✔️ YES
Gladiator	➡️	A1 Spirit	$40	✔️ YES
Khartu-Al	➡️	A1 Spirit	$35	✔️ YES
Sabre	➡️	A1 Spirit	$35	✔️ YES
Vulture	➡️	A1 Spirit	$30	✔️ YES
Zeus Mk II MR	➡️	A1 Spirit	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Prospector	➡️	F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	$51	✔️ YES
Sabre	➡️	F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	$35	✔️ YES
Freelancer MIS	➡️	F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	$30	✔️ YES
F7C-M Super Hornet	➡️	F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	$19	✔️ YES
Sabre Comet	➡️	F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	$19	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
F7C-M Super Hornet	➡️	Vulcan	$19	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Prospector	➡️	Hurricane	$62	✔️ YES
Sabre	➡️	Hurricane	$46	✔️ YES
Cutlass Blue	➡️	Hurricane	$40	✔️ YES
F7C-M Super Hornet	➡️	Hurricane	$30	✔️ YES
A1 Spirit	➡️	Hurricane	$14	✔️ YES
Constellation Taurus	➡️	Hurricane	$14	✔️ YES
F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	➡️	Hurricane	$14	✔️ YES
Vulcan	➡️	Hurricane	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Prospector	➡️	Defender	$72	✔️ YES
Khartu-Al	➡️	Defender	$56	🔥 2 Left!
Sabre	➡️	Defender	$56	✔️ YES
Cutlass Blue	➡️	Defender	$51	✔️ YES
Freelancer MIS	➡️	Defender	$51	✔️ YES
F7C-M Super Hornet	➡️	Defender	$40	✔️ YES
Sabre Comet	➡️	Defender	$40	✔️ YES
Constellation Taurus	➡️	Defender	$25	✔️ YES
Hurricane	➡️	Defender	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
A1 Spirit	➡️	Terrapin	$25	✔️ YES
Constellation Taurus	➡️	Terrapin	$25	✔️ YES
F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	➡️	Terrapin	$25	✔️ YES
Vulcan	➡️	Terrapin	$25	✔️ YES
Hurricane	➡️	Terrapin	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Prospector	➡️	Railen	$77	✔️ YES
Constellation Taurus	➡️	Railen	$30	✔️ YES
Vulcan	➡️	Railen	$30	✔️ YES
Defender	➡️	Railen	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Constellation Taurus	➡️	Scorpius Antares	$35	✔️ YES
F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	➡️	Scorpius Antares	$35	✔️ YES
Hurricane	➡️	Scorpius Antares	$25	✔️ YES
Defender	➡️	Scorpius Antares	$14	✔️ YES
Terrapin	➡️	Scorpius Antares	$14	✔️ YES
Railen	➡️	Scorpius Antares	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Constellation Taurus	➡️	Cutlass Steel	$40	✔️ YES
Terrapin	➡️	Cutlass Steel	$19	✔️ YES
Scorpius Antares	➡️	Cutlass Steel	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
A1 Spirit	➡️	San'tok.yāi	$46	✔️ YES
Constellation Taurus	➡️	San'tok.yāi	$46	✔️ YES
Hurricane	➡️	San'tok.yāi	$35	✔️ YES
Defender	➡️	San'tok.yāi	$25	✔️ YES
Terrapin	➡️	San'tok.yāi	$25	✔️ YES
Scorpius Antares	➡️	San'tok.yāi	$14	✔️ YES
Cutlass Steel	➡️	San'tok.yāi	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Prospector	➡️	Scorpius	$93	✔️ YES
Sabre	➡️	Scorpius	$77	✔️ YES
Freelancer MIS	➡️	Scorpius	$72	✔️ YES
F7C-M Super Hornet	➡️	Scorpius	$62	✔️ YES
Sabre Comet	➡️	Scorpius	$62	🔥 2 Left!
Constellation Taurus	➡️	Scorpius	$46	✔️ YES
F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	➡️	Scorpius	$46	✔️ YES
Hurricane	➡️	Scorpius	$35	✔️ YES
Defender	➡️	Scorpius	$25	✔️ YES
Terrapin	➡️	Scorpius	$25	✔️ YES
Scorpius Antares	➡️	Scorpius	$14	✔️ YES
Cutlass Steel	➡️	Scorpius	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Constellation Taurus	➡️	Vanguard Hoplite	$46	✔️ YES
Defender	➡️	Vanguard Hoplite	$25	✔️ YES
Railen	➡️	Vanguard Hoplite	$19	✔️ YES
Scorpius Antares	➡️	Vanguard Hoplite	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Constellation Taurus	➡️	400i	$56	✔️ YES
Terrapin	➡️	400i	$35	✔️ YES
Constellation Andromeda	➡️	400i	$14	✔️ YES
San'tok.yāi	➡️	400i	$14	✔️ YES
Scorpius	➡️	400i	$14	✔️ YES
Vanguard Hoplite	➡️	400i	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Constellation Andromeda	➡️	Apollo Triage	$14	✔️ YES
Scorpius	➡️	Apollo Triage	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Prospector	➡️	Ares Inferno	$104	✔️ YES
Sabre	➡️	Ares Inferno	$88	✔️ YES
Freelancer MIS	➡️	Ares Inferno	$83	✔️ YES
F7C-M Super Hornet	➡️	Ares Inferno	$72	✔️ YES
Sabre Comet	➡️	Ares Inferno	$72	✔️ YES
Constellation Taurus	➡️	Ares Inferno	$56	✔️ YES
F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	➡️	Ares Inferno	$56	✔️ YES
Vulcan	➡️	Ares Inferno	$56	✔️ YES
Constellation Andromeda	➡️	Ares Inferno	$14	✔️ YES
San'tok.yāi	➡️	Ares Inferno	$14	✔️ YES
Scorpius	➡️	Ares Inferno	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Prospector	➡️	Ares Ion	$104	✔️ YES
Sabre	➡️	Ares Ion	$88	✔️ YES
Freelancer MIS	➡️	Ares Ion	$83	✔️ YES
F7C-M Super Hornet	➡️	Ares Ion	$72	✔️ YES
Sabre Comet	➡️	Ares Ion	$72	✔️ YES
Constellation Taurus	➡️	Ares Ion	$56	✔️ YES
F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	➡️	Ares Ion	$56	✔️ YES
Vulcan	➡️	Ares Ion	$56	✔️ YES
Constellation Andromeda	➡️	Ares Ion	$14	✔️ YES
San'tok.yāi	➡️	Ares Ion	$14	✔️ YES
Scorpius	➡️	Ares Ion	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Defender	➡️	Corsair	$35	✔️ YES
Terrapin	➡️	Corsair	$35	✔️ YES
Constellation Andromeda	➡️	Corsair	$14	✔️ YES
San'tok.yāi	➡️	Corsair	$14	✔️ YES
Scorpius	➡️	Corsair	$14	✔️ YES
Vanguard Hoplite	➡️	Corsair	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	➡️	Mercury	$67	✔️ YES
Terrapin	➡️	Mercury	$46	✔️ YES
Constellation Andromeda	➡️	Mercury	$25	✔️ YES
San'tok.yāi	➡️	Mercury	$25	✔️ YES
Scorpius	➡️	Mercury	$25	✔️ YES
Vanguard Hoplite	➡️	Mercury	$25	✔️ YES
400i	➡️	Mercury	$14	✔️ YES
Ares Inferno	➡️	Mercury	$14	✔️ YES
Ares Ion	➡️	Mercury	$14	✔️ YES
Corsair	➡️	Mercury	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Constellation Andromeda	➡️	Vanguard Warden	$25	✔️ YES
Scorpius	➡️	Vanguard Warden	$25	✔️ YES
400i	➡️	Vanguard Warden	$14	✔️ YES
Ares Inferno	➡️	Vanguard Warden	$14	✔️ YES
Ares Ion	➡️	Vanguard Warden	$14	✔️ YES
Corsair	➡️	Vanguard Warden	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Constellation Andromeda	➡️	Apollo Medivac	$40	✔️ YES
400i	➡️	Apollo Medivac	$30	✔️ YES
Apollo Triage	➡️	Apollo Medivac	$30	✔️ YES
Corsair	➡️	Apollo Medivac	$30	✔️ YES
Mercury	➡️	Apollo Medivac	$19	✔️ YES
Vanguard Warden	➡️	Apollo Medivac	$19	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Constellation Andromeda	➡️	Blade	$40	🔥 2 Left!
-	📌	TO 👇
Constellation Andromeda	➡️	Retaliator Bomber	$40	✔️ YES
Scorpius	➡️	Retaliator Bomber	$40	🔥 Last one!
400i	➡️	Retaliator Bomber	$30	✔️ YES
Ares Inferno	➡️	Retaliator Bomber	$30	✔️ YES
Ares Ion	➡️	Retaliator Bomber	$30	✔️ YES
Corsair	➡️	Retaliator Bomber	$30	✔️ YES
Mercury	➡️	Retaliator Bomber	$19	✔️ YES
Vanguard Warden	➡️	Retaliator Bomber	$19	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Constellation Andromeda	➡️	Vanguard Sentinel	$40	✔️ YES
400i	➡️	Vanguard Sentinel	$30	✔️ YES
Ares Ion	➡️	Vanguard Sentinel	$30	✔️ YES
Corsair	➡️	Vanguard Sentinel	$30	✔️ YES
Mercury	➡️	Vanguard Sentinel	$19	✔️ YES
Vanguard Warden	➡️	Vanguard Sentinel	$19	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Constellation Andromeda	➡️	Vanguard Harbinger	$56	✔️ YES
Mercury	➡️	Vanguard Harbinger	$35	✔️ YES
Vanguard Warden	➡️	Vanguard Harbinger	$35	✔️ YES
Retaliator Bomber	➡️	Vanguard Harbinger	$19	✔️ YES
Vanguard Sentinel	➡️	Vanguard Harbinger	$19	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Constellation Andromeda	➡️	Eclipse	$67	✔️ YES
Mercury	➡️	Eclipse	$46	✔️ YES
Vanguard Warden	➡️	Eclipse	$46	🔥 Last one!
Retaliator Bomber	➡️	Eclipse	$30	✔️ YES
Vanguard Sentinel	➡️	Eclipse	$30	✔️ YES
Vanguard Harbinger	➡️	Eclipse	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Constellation Andromeda	➡️	Starfarer	$67	🔥 Last one!
Mercury	➡️	Starfarer	$46	🔥 Last one!
Vanguard Harbinger	➡️	Starfarer	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Constellation Andromeda	➡️	Caterpillar	$99	✔️ YES
400i	➡️	Caterpillar	$88	✔️ YES
Mercury	➡️	Caterpillar	$77	✔️ YES
Vanguard Warden	➡️	Caterpillar	$77	✔️ YES
Retaliator Bomber	➡️	Caterpillar	$62	✔️ YES
Vanguard Sentinel	➡️	Caterpillar	$62	✔️ YES
Vanguard Harbinger	➡️	Caterpillar	$46	✔️ YES
Constellation Aquila	➡️	Caterpillar	$19	✔️ YES
MOLE	➡️	Caterpillar	$19	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Mercury	➡️	Redeemer	$77	✔️ YES
Vanguard Warden	➡️	Redeemer	$77	✔️ YES
Constellation Aquila	➡️	Redeemer	$19	✔️ YES
MOLE	➡️	Redeemer	$19	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Constellation Aquila	➡️	Starfarer Gemini	$30	✔️ YES
MOLE	➡️	Starfarer Gemini	$30	✔️ YES
Caterpillar	➡️	Starfarer Gemini	$14	✔️ YES
Redeemer	➡️	Starfarer Gemini	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
MOLE	➡️	Crucible	$40	✔️ YES
Caterpillar	➡️	Crucible	$25	✔️ YES
Starfarer Gemini	➡️	Crucible	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
MOLE	➡️	Endeavor	$40	✔️ YES
Caterpillar	➡️	Endeavor	$25	✔️ YES
Redeemer	➡️	Endeavor	$25	✔️ YES
Starfarer Gemini	➡️	Endeavor	$14	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Constellation Aquila	➡️	Valkyrie	$67	🔥 Last one!
MOLE	➡️	Valkyrie	$67	✔️ YES
Caterpillar	➡️	Valkyrie	$51	✔️ YES
Redeemer	➡️	Valkyrie	$51	✔️ YES
Starfarer Gemini	➡️	Valkyrie	$40	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Valkyrie	➡️	Galaxy	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
MOLE	➡️	C2 Hercules	$93	✔️ YES
Starfarer Gemini	➡️	C2 Hercules	$67	✔️ YES
Glaive	➡️	C2 Hercules	$56	✔️ YES
Valkyrie	➡️	C2 Hercules	$30	✔️ YES
Galaxy	➡️	C2 Hercules	$25	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
MOLE	➡️	Genesis	$93	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Valkyrie	➡️	Reclaimer	$30	✔️ YES
Galaxy	➡️	Reclaimer	$25	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Valkyrie	➡️	600i Touring	$67	🔥 Last one!
C2 Hercules	➡️	600i Touring	$40	✔️ YES
Reclaimer	➡️	600i Touring	$40	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Constellation Aquila	➡️	Prowler	$136	✔️ YES
Valkyrie	➡️	Prowler	$72	✔️ YES
C2 Hercules	➡️	Prowler	$46	✔️ YES
Reclaimer	➡️	Prowler	$46	✔️ YES
600i Touring	➡️	Prowler	$9	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
C2 Hercules	➡️	600i Explorer	$83	🔥 2 Left!
600i Touring	➡️	600i Explorer	$46	✔️ YES
Prowler	➡️	600i Explorer	$40	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
MOLE	➡️	Hull C	$199	✔️ YES
Prowler	➡️	Hull C	$67	✔️ YES
600i Explorer	➡️	Hull C	$30	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
MOLE	➡️	M2 Hercules	$220	✔️ YES
C2 Hercules	➡️	M2 Hercules	$130	✔️ YES
600i Explorer	➡️	M2 Hercules	$51	✔️ YES
Hull C	➡️	M2 Hercules	$25	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
M2 Hercules	➡️	Arrastra	$62	✔️ YES
Hull D	➡️	Arrastra	$30	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
M2 Hercules	➡️	Liberator	$62	✔️ YES
Hull D	➡️	Liberator	$30	🔥 2 Left!
-	📌	TO 👇
Valkyrie	➡️	Carrack	$241	✔️ YES
Genesis	➡️	Carrack	$215	🔥 Last one!
Prowler	➡️	Carrack	$173	✔️ YES
600i Explorer	➡️	Carrack	$136	✔️ YES
M2 Hercules	➡️	Carrack	$88	✔️ YES
Arrastra	➡️	Carrack	$30	✔️ YES
Liberator	➡️	Carrack	$30	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Prowler	➡️	Merchantman	$225	✔️ YES
600i Explorer	➡️	Merchantman	$188	✔️ YES
M2 Hercules	➡️	Merchantman	$141	✔️ YES
Liberator	➡️	Merchantman	$83	✔️ YES
Carrack	➡️	Merchantman	$56	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Carrack	➡️	Orion	$56	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Carrack	➡️	Perseus	$83	✔️ YES
Merchantman	➡️	Perseus	$30	✔️ YES
Orion	➡️	Perseus	$30	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Carrack	➡️	Odyssey	$109	✔️ YES
Perseus	➡️	Odyssey	$30	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Carrack	➡️	Hammerhead	$136	🔥 Last one!
Carrack Expedition w/C8X	➡️	Hammerhead	$88	🔥 2 Left!
Merchantman	➡️	Hammerhead	$83	✔️ YES
Perseus	➡️	Hammerhead	$56	✔️ YES
Odyssey	➡️	Hammerhead	$30	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Merchantman	➡️	Nautilus	$83	🔥 Last one!
Perseus	➡️	Nautilus	$56	🔥 2 Left!
Odyssey	➡️	Nautilus	$30	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
M2 Hercules	➡️	A2 Hercules	$247	🔥 Last one!
Carrack	➡️	A2 Hercules	$162	✔️ YES
Carrack Expedition	➡️	A2 Hercules	$136	🔥 2 Left!
Carrack Expedition w/C8X	➡️	A2 Hercules	$114	✔️ YES
Merchantman	➡️	A2 Hercules	$109	✔️ YES
Perseus	➡️	A2 Hercules	$83	✔️ YES
Odyssey	➡️	A2 Hercules	$56	✔️ YES
Hammerhead	➡️	A2 Hercules	$30	✔️ YES
-	📌	TO 👇
Perseus	➡️	Polaris	$83	✔️ YES
Hammerhead	➡️	Polaris	$38	✔️ YES
Nautilus	➡️	Polaris	$38	✔️ YES

⬇️☀️ SOME ITEMS AND PAINTS ☀️⬇️

Items	Price
Scorpius - Stinger Paint 💎	$45
Scorpius - Sunburn Paint	$14
Spirit - Olympia Paint	$18
Constellation ILW 2950 Paint Pack	$24
CITIZENCON 2951 DIGITAL GOODIES	$10

HOW TO BUY:

1. PM me what you would like to buy and include your Verified PayPal email
2. Reply to this thread by announcing that you sent me a private message "PM'd", so I can see that you are a verified buyer.
3. I will then send you an invoice to your paypal email.
4. After payment is cleared Item is delivered to the buyer's PayPal email address.
5. You will recieve a regular email from RSI with the title "Someone sent you a gift from Roberts Space Industries"
6. Make sure to be logged into the correct RSI account before you open the link inside,
7. I will post in "Confirmed Trades theme post" thread announcing the sale.
8. After confirming the gift, you can reply to the post in which I mention you with +verify in "Confirmed Trades theme post".
9. Tracking and proof of delivery are provided by "Hangar Log" on RSI website.

Important: I don't do middleman services, my Discord is Juannox#3193, I do not do trades or anything in discord, avoid trades with any name other than that, please read THIS

Ever since I was 12yrs old in the 6th grade, I’ve been very insecure about how I walked and it’s gotten worse over the years. I’m now 24 still beating myself up emotionally. In the beginning I would think things like “Am I an idiot?, What am I doing Wrong?” Surprisingly, I even went the empathetic route at one point and thought “I probably look goofy as hell to others.” And to the people who didn’t laugh I thought “When they asked their friends (Why do I walk like that?) it’s probably out of concern.”
During High School, I even opened up to my parents and a few friends about it for help. My dad told me to “walk with more confidence.” Which made me look even weirder to random students in the hallways. When I complained to my friends about it one of them basically said “You came into the chat like your life is sooooo hard lol.” Which definitely pissed me off, so I stopped texting. 2 of my closest friends at the time also shared that they walked weird which was funny cause I never noticed till they said it. Even with us being similar I still felt alone because they were so nonchalant and chill about it while on the inside I was suffering (idk if it was the same for them). I almost forgot to mention that their were a lot of times that one of my friends and some people in our neighborhood would laugh at and make fun of my walk from time to time (which would be especially humiliating in front of girls). I don’t hate my old friend, because to his credit he did ask me genuinely why I walked the way I did when we were by ourselves, but I was too ashamed to ask him how I looked from his perspective. From the few times I did ask friends they said my arms were stiff, my walk was slow and I dragged my feet a lot.
After High School, a few years passed and I’ve had a few jobs where people would talk about me and I’d act like I couldn’t hear them.
In present day it’s gotten so bad that sometimes my brain hears distant chatter from tv and somehow makes it sound like someone said “Why do you walk like that?” I don’t even want to go anywhere most of the time because the low to mid level anxiety eats away at me to the point where I stiffen up and I take more shallow breathes. Today when I went to check the mail and take out the trash I heard a neighbor (who I previously heard talking about me) laugh loud asf as soon as he saw me walking. There have also been family members in the past few years that would laugh at my walk when thought I wasn’t paying attention. A few days ago it happened when seeing my cousins.
My “plan of attack” for my problem up till now was:

1. Correcting my walk myself
   
2. DoN’t CaRe WhAt OtHeRs ThInK
   
3. Try to see through my commenters points of view
   
   1. Watch YouTubers like Todd Martin M.D. to help with walking techniques.
   2. Meditate
   3. Seeking help from Chiropractor (progress: 1st adjustment completed).

I’m still kinda doing number 7 which is anger, hatred, bitterness, etc. from 1-5 not getting rid of my emotions towards my walk. Meditation is a little effective (and I do mean little) but I still feel like a clown and a complete idiot whenever I go somewhere. The hate I have is towards how weak I think I am for having this insecurity, how I let people get in my head this much, people who made fun of me for a quick laugh multiple times, and human nature itself.
This last part is definitely unhealthy but the way my brain sees this is: “Damned if I do try to change my walk by myself, damned if I don’t. Pretending I don’t hate people doesn’t help at all. Whether I vent to friends and family or not at the end of the day they can’t help me. I feel like 90% of the population are assholes so expect the worse out of people you encounter and let them show you their true nature. Even if the chiropractors fix your gait issues you’ll probably still be hearing insult in your head. Whether you be positive, neutral or hate your walking problems won’t lessen so you might as well be candid about having a “fuck you” attitude to big mouthed douchebags. Wishing the worst on people is a cowardly action and forgiveness “not for them, but for you” for repeated offenders is BULLSHIT!
Finally, if you have any advice that can help me cope with this negative mindset I’d appreciate it!

Hi! I apologize in advance for the long post. Trigger warnings for mentions of suicide, abuse, and eating disorders (the latter will be very mild).
I (19NB) have been with my girlfriend (20F) for about two and a half years; the relationship started out really well, both of us have prior trauma and struggle with mental health but we were kind of building off of each other for a long time. I went into it very emotionally constipated and as a horrific people pleaser; she went into it very insecure and super scared of me cheating. For the first year to year and a half it was a lot of lifting each other up, she'd reassure me that she'd listen to anything I needed and I reassured her that she would never have to worry about me cheating. There was more to it as well; at least on my side, I had a really bad eating disorder and she was the driving force for me to recover (she always reassured me that she liked my body, preferred for me to be healthy and that it didn't affect her perception of me, etc), was generally really sweet to me in the day-to-day, and was honestly everything I was looking for in a partner up until that point- I'm not someone that is attracted to people based on looks at all (either asexual spectrum or due to sexual trauma when I was a child- I'm also pretty sure I'm neurodivergent but never had the ability to get diagnosed; this will be important later) but she has been the one person I can really say I find attractive. I can think people look "cool" or "interesting" but she's genuinely so beautiful to me in a way that I've never felt for anyone else before. Personality-wise as well, she seemed perfect from the get-go- we always clicked in interactions, she'd reassure me without me asking for it and was interested in everything I had to say, etc. One big thing for me in the beginning was kind of silly but I feel like it's important for me to say; she plays games a lot, and every time we'd call each other and she'd get mad at whatever she was playing she would specifically lower her voice to talk to me. She could be halfway through yelling "what the fuck" at her computer but as soon as I said something to her she'd make herself sound as comforting as possible. This was a really big thing for me; my upbringing was very rough and both of my parents are prone to fits of anger (to the point of it getting physical very often) so I get very uncomfortable when people are visibly angry towards me. This is a big reason why I struggled with people-pleasing; as soon as someone gets upset with me I feel genuine terror, so I would try to avoid it as much as possible. I brought it up once and she said she didn't even realize she did it; the fact that she knew that about me and subconsciously made sure to try not to scare me was such a huge thing I loved about her. I was very used to people taking advantage of the fact that I was bad with boundaries, etc so having her act so comforting towards me with seemingly no ill intentions made me fall really deeply for her.
All of this changed last year- mostly in the summer but it kind of all started with her sleeping through our Valentines Day date. I couldn't even name everything she did but the main theme is that she let her insecurities get ahold of her. She would get upset with me over my clothing choices (stuff like shorts and a t-shirt in summer; it felt really reminiscent to victim blaming, like I must want sex if I wear shorts), literally just having friends, she'd snap at me all the time when she was slightly frustrated over her games (remember what I said earlier), literally anything became a reason for her to get horrifically angry at me. It was around this time that I decided to look into her prior dating history more and I learned pretty quickly that she used to be a serial cheater in different relationships (although her partners were really badly abusive and they cheated first, so I didn't think of it as a dealbreaker). She stopped reassuring me or speaking to me nicely, and also had a really big issue of doing things "back" (if I did anything that made her insecure, she'd do it 10x worse instead of talking to me about it). I mentioned having a side Reddit account once (this one) and she made a private Twitter and added all of her friends onto it except for me, and didn't tell me about it, just posted screenshots of it until I put 2 and 2 together. She also got upset after finding out that the person that groomed me is a trans girl (she's a trans girl too) and would ask me questions about whether I liked her (MY GROOMER!!!!!!!!) better. She'd do this stuff and then, when questioned about it, start agreeing with me and calling herself "undateable", etc, so I'd reassure her that she wasn't and ask her to "carry" the relationship for a bit since I thought she understood my side; by this I just meant being extra nice to me for a week or so (like when dudes get in a fight with their girlfriend and buy them flowers and talk to them more sweetly for awhile, not anything crazy), but I never really got that from her. Everything came to a head when she texted me saying she "couldn't do this anymore" and sent me a bunch of screenshots of her friendgroup telling her I was "just like her exes", "a master manipulator" etc. Their main reasons for the accusations were that I was "too secretive" (which I really don't think is true; I tend to want some baseline privacy in a relationship but she didn't even allow me that much- she'd join any public Discord servers I mentioned being in and told her I'd rather she didn't join on alts, etc, and even told me the stuff she'd find me saying wasn't bad and she was happy about it) and "accuse her of cheating too much", which.. Really. My side was honestly mostly just asking for reassurance since she completely stopped giving me it, her side was literally driving me to cut off all of my friends other than four people because I was scared she'd get upset with me again and also led to feel intense guilt for talking to. This whole thing also happened within a month of both my most recent suicide attempt (I had been going through a lot) and my parents wanting to kick me out (my mom is very mentally unwell and convinced herself that I had been prostituting myself- definitely not true to any degree. It got to the point where I had someone I decided to stay with and all my bags were packed). We didn't end up breaking up at this point.
So, fast forward to this year. She stopped doing a lot of the worse behaviors directly but we've still been fighting. My dad had been getting sicker and sicker- he already was pretty bad but he refused to see a doctor because my mom convinced him doctors are evil, the government made COVID in a lab!!!!, etc. It got to the point where he was slurring all his words, hallucinating, and unable to stand, and my mom called my out-of-state uncle who called an ambulance. I was, obviously, on my uncle's side, my mom was hysterical saying that the hospital is going to kill him and I'm with them, but my dad was stable at least. It turned out he had multiple small strokes. They did bloodwork and he's HIV+. They ended up diagnosing him with AIDs and dementia.
My relationship with my dad is very, very, very complicated. He was always the "better" parent but a horrible parent on his own. He'd agree with me in private but defend my mom whenever she was in the room, and as her mental health got worse he believed everything she told him. He used to tell me he'd leave her and take me with him, that he knew she was horrible and he never wanted her to do what she did to me, etc, but he still supported her. When things got bad between us he was a perpetrator as well. More recently he stopped trying to appeal to me at all and just entirely took her side on everything. I couldn't deal with any of it- I didn't have a room for a long, long time (I think until I was 15 or 16?) but as soon as I got one I just started locking myself in all day. I love my dad, but all he ever did was disappoint me. I couldn't bear to see him let himself get destroyed by my mom, and I just kind of decided not to- so this situation has been fucking me UP. He's currently fully conscious, my uncle flew over for a bit and had to fly back since he has kids but my dad fully took my mom's side, is refusing medications, etc. My mom and my uncle have been fighting over me constantly. I don't really want to do any of this shit but I have to, because as much as my dad let me down I don't want him to die. I was in the hospital all day and night for the first few days, I had to sleep on the benches in the emergency room waiting room since my dad was in a male room and they wouldn't allow me to stay past visiting hours. I was constantly pulling aside doctors and nurses and telling them to listen to me because my mom was trying to convince them he was just in there because he was "exhausted" or "wouldn't eat enough" and constantly lying about his condition. My uncle has good intentions but he's kind of heavy handed with certain stuff; he wants me to move in with him (I want to as well but you can imagine it's a tricky situation) and he always asks me to choose a side when they fight. My mom has been trying to convince me he's a rapist- I usually try to believe victims, but she also tried to tell me that I'm a prostitute, and she's definitely not a reliable person to listen to. I'm kind of just at an in-between where I don't believe her but I can't feel fully comfortable around him either since I have some bad past experiences surrounding that kind of thing.
About four days after my dad got hospitalized (?) and about a week and a half before my 19th birthday, my girlfriend texts me to tell me she's too exhausted to be with me anymore. The main reason was that I was constantly upset between the way the relationship was going and my dad being in the hospital. We worked something out but it's just been downhill since then, I can't be upset around her over anything without her turning it into a fight (literally while I am in the middle of crying, about how I get upset too much). As for the more recent weeks, she has completely stopped giving me ANYTHING- forget reassurance, she barely says I love you anymore, responds to long text messages with one sentence, etc. Her justification for this is that she feels unsafe with me. Her reasoning for this is:

1. I have had a habit of liking posts that made her insecure. This is where the lack of looks-based attraction comes in. I tend to like posts without really thinking about it too much, and sometimes I like thirst traps without realizing, since I'm not someone that thirsts after people like that. If I see someone in a cool outfit dancing it's going to be hard for me to say "this is a thirst trap" because I'm not thinking about it like that, I'm just going to see it and think "wow, cool outfit" and like the post. Then she'll see it and get upset with me. This is something I've been working on and cut down to a large degree, but certain stuff gets past me (photoshoots with a set concept, etc). She has tried to tell me that I DO actually experience looks-based attraction, which is kind of crazy because I know what I experience so she can't convince me otherwise ??? I don't know. I've also told her to send me any post that I liked that makes her insecure so I can learn what I have to look out for better, but she doesn't really do that, and I can't really know what'll make her upset unless she tells me. This is also an issue that SHE HAS AS WELL
   
2. She looked through one of my friend's followings and found a bunch of model's accounts, and says it's disrespectful that I "hang out with porn addicts". She plays Osu and is active in the community. Also has an issue with another one of my friends that I met on a Roblox bar game (she has worded it like I was literally giving out my contact at a real life bar, which I would understand being uncomfortable with, but dude it's literally Roblox). Also considers it a huge breach of trust that I mentioned getting gender envy from a Twitter mutual (I know how chronically online all of this sounds and I'm sorry). She'll ask me "isn't that a trans girl", "are they assigned male at birth" about my friends which is kind of just crazy? I don't know. I don't have a history of serially dating trans women or anything like that other than the groomer (which I don't think should count??????????) and I used to identify as lesbian for years- most of my exes are FTM and transitioned after dating me, which also shouldn't really matter??? I just think her fixation on me cheating on her with someone that's AMAB is kind of weird and unprompted
   

So I'm at a point where any time I ask her for ANYTHING it's just met with the response of her not being comfortable with me anymore. I can't hang out with any of my friends without her looking through their whole history and finding something about them that makes me "basically a cheater" for befriending them. I had to distance myself from a very close friend because of her once because he said "it's like we're one and the same" to me, and that if we went to a shitty hangout spot he'd still enjoy it "because it's me". She tells me to this day that remembering this stuff makes her physically sick but it truly was just innocent friendly conversation- we're both South Asian, like a lot of the same games, and have issues with abusive parents so we got along really well, and that was also why he said the thing about us being similar. I've been asking her over and over what I can do to make her feel better but she won't give me an answer.
She also told me today that I was bringing up her sexual trauma and that she's currently repulsed by the idea of sex altogether- I asked her why and she said it was because of the reasons I gave above. I'm at a loss. I'm clearly very fed up with this whole thing but I still am attached to her and love her a lot, and I definitely don't think I can go through a breakup right now with everything else going on in my life, even though you could argue it's like we already broke up. I really just don't know. It's been horrible watching her go from the perfect partner to this huge ball of insecurity and I don't know how to fix it nor how to let go. I don't have a lot of options, either- I've been almost completely socially isolated since I was a middle schooler, my parents pulled me out of public school and had me doing dual enrollment community college/homeschool. I don't have a strong support system at all, I can't get a therapist, I'm not allowed to get a job, the list just goes on and on and everything kind of just points to me being fucked

Hi all, This is my first post here. Be kind please.
I’m (35f) separated from my ex (42f) for about a year and a half now. We have 2 amazing boys.
This separation was initiated by me after years of trying to make it work.
Broad issues:

1. My ex was quite the alpha. His aggression had always been a problem. He never physically abused me but throwing things, banging stuff and just being verbally abusive to everyone around him was an everyday experience.
   
2. He always hid his finances from me. I wasn’t aware of the loans he’s taking, how much money he’s making etc. Since I was managing the kids and started a business of my own, I was too busy to pay attention.
   
3. I do believe he loved me but there was no expression. “This is how I am” was his usual response. I was the one trying to communicate, make plans, express for over 10 years.
   
4. I caught him messaging a woman we both knew right after my second child’s birth. It was intense messaging, definitely flirtatious and leading to something. When I caught him, he said it happens, let’s move on. I won’t do this again.
   
5. He’s been nasty to my family and friends. Basically everyone I love.
   
6. He didn’t initiate intimacy. Basically once I had the kids, he wanted me to dedicate myself to them and just saw me as a mother. I ofcourse let myself go but was driven to get back into shape. I’m now the fittest I’ve ever been. Towards the end of the marriage, we were having sex maybe once a year.
   
7. There were major control issues. I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere without sharing my location. He’d accused me of having something going on with everyone - from my gym trainer, to an acquaintance. I never cheated.
   

In the past, whenever things got bad, his usual response was - this is who I am, you knew it before you married me. Let’s just get a divorce if you can’t handle it.
At the end of 2022, I asked for a separation. He said let’s work things out. He put in more effort and intimacy did improve (though I initiated) but this lasted all of 2 months.
2023 Jan, I asked for separation and told him I’m done done. He begged and it was like an overnight switch. He began doing and saying things that I’ve been begging to experience for years. But I was done.
Current scenario:
He’s making getting a divorce impossible, doesn’t want to let go. I also met someone (he’s aware) about 3 months ago (it’s not serious). He still wants me back.
Because of the kids, sometimes I feel like maybe I should go back. But I’m so scared. I don’t think I can love him again. Or atleast the way I used to.
Do men change? What if he breaks my heart again?
I have moved on but I’m still struggling. I don’t know if I’ve made myself clear. Writing this post feels like such a daunting task.
If I haven’t said it already, I am extremely confused.
What should I do?
Also- here are a few flaws I have:

1. I’m a people pleaser and have difficulty communicating needs.
2. I shut down emotionally when there is aggression or violence around me.
3. I do feel like I want to be pampered. I haven’t been for so long.

Another detail- financially he has suffered and I had been taking care of expenses. In terms of stability, I have an upper hand when it comes to finances at this point.
I sometimes think he wants me because I have the financial standing too.
Sorry for the long post.

Cigarettes and rebellion have always gone hand-in-hand, and in an age of cigarette packet-sized health warnings, now more than ever, smoking a fag says: 'I do not give a fuck.' But if Brandon Flowers is hoping to strike a seditious pose by sparking up at the start of the interview, it's not going according to plan. The Killers' frontman is on all fours rooting through the junk that carpets the anteroom at the band's rehearsal space. "Has anyone seen my lighter?" he asks, rocking back on his heels. The question hangs in the air while Brandon cocks his head, waiting for an answer like a meerkat listening for a predator. Twenty-five years old and with a delicate bone structure, there's something almost dainty about him. Receiving no response, he returns to his search. "Oh, Jeez," he sighs. "I had it just a minute ago."
It's a scene that emphatically does not suggest a rebel without a cause. The mess isn't helping. The Killers' HQ - an industrial unit sandwiched between a construction supplier and the offices of a housing development just off Dean Martin Drive in West Las Vegas - is ankle-deep in designer clothing. A Dior Homme suit lies crumpled by the door; there's a pile of shoes topped like a sundae by a pair of Marc Jacobs trainers; and anyone wishing to enter the shoebox room the band use as an office must negotiate a mountain of discarded jeans. Many items are identifiable as coming from the wardrobe of Hot Fuss, The Killers' hugely successful 2004 debut album - triple platinum in the UK with two weeks at Number One and five million sold worldwide. Look! There are the shirts, ties and suit jackets they wore when they thrilled Glastonbury 2005 with indie rock anthems Mr Brightside and Somebody Told Me. That was the crowning moment of a two-and-a-half year tour that finally concluded in October of last year. It seems that after playing that final date in Miami, they returned to Vegas and shrugged off their image onto the floor of this bland white box.
Now a fine layer of dust covers the dead clothes. The Killers have no further use for white tuxedos on their second album, Sam's Town. Today, Brandon wears a black polo shirt, black pin-stripe waistcoat, black jeans and black boots. Where there used to be a layer of foundation, there is now a beard - an untrimmed beard at that. Dave Keuning (30, guitar), Mark Stoermer (29, bass) and Ronnie Vannucci (29, drums) all echo Brandon's black ensemble. Ronnie has added Aviator shades and a handlebar moustache for a dash of motorcycle cop, Dave's frizzy bubble of hair gives him a Marc Bolan-ish air, and there's something very teenage about Mark's scuffed Vans.
Short of walking around wearing sandwich boards saying, "Our new record is a bit heavier than the last one," The Killers couldn't hope to communicate that message more effectively. And they have gained some musical girth on Sam's Town. The pop hooks that made Hot Fuss so irresistible survive intact - see the ringing guitar riffs on first single When You Were Young - but there's a newfound punchiness, coupled with an epic sweep. The minor-to-major uplifts on Bones are fabulously dramatic, the coda to Why Do I Keep Counting? thrillingly intense. Comparisons to Bruce Springsteen have been made. If they overstate the case a little, they are at leaset qualitatively accurate. The Killers are back and this time it's serious - they've got the bootlace ties to prove it.
"Hey, it says here that Springsteen's headlining Glastonbury next year," shouts Ronnie, who's flicking through the NME. He nods sagely at the page without looking up.
"Really?" asks Dave, nicknamed Crazy Dave on account of his alledgedly volatile nature.
"The Boss is headlining one night, we're playing second on the bill the next night and Kylie's headlining the Sunday," says Brandon, charging like a bull through Michael Eavis' as-yet-unannounced line-up with what subsequently proves to be a characteristic gaucheness.
But that lighter is proving elusive. This being America, none of the people hurrying to-and-fro prepping the world for the release of Sam's Town smokes. Manager Robert Reynolds - Bobby Rey to the band - barks into his mobile, booking his band onto eye-wateringly demanding tours. "We're going to make a lot of money," he cackles to himself before switching calls to make a series of stern pronouncements on legal matters. Dave, Mark and Ronnie disappear for a jam session. Artwork is approved, B-sides are decided on and schedules are hammered out.
"I can't find it," Brandon says, finally. But he's not going to be denied the opportunity to underline The Killers reinvention with a puff of smoke. "Let's go to the gas station. I'll have to buy one. It's too busy to talk here anyway."
+
Brandon's black (of course) Volkswagen Touraeg four-wheel drive is barrelling down West Flamingo Road into town. "I was a bell boy there," he says, pointing out of the driver's window at the stucco facade of the Gold Coast casino. "I was working there when we were signed."
Coming from Las Vegas, it is perhaps inevitable that casinos play a big part in The Killers' story; not only is Sam's Town named after one, it was recorded in one, too.
The band began writing songs while on the road with Hot Fuss, turning up early for soundchecks to run through new ideas. On a trip home to Vegas, George Maloof, a hotelier known for cultivating famous friends, invited them to record the album in the new studio he'd built at The Palms, his flagship hotel-cum-gambling den. When the tour finished in October 2005, they returned to Vegas and spent five month finessing the songs they'd sketched out on the road. Then, in February, they decampled to the third floor studio at The Palms and recorded Sam's Town over 11 weeks.
Producer Flood (U2, Depeche Mode) encouraged them to experiment. They overdubbed, fiddled with synthesizers and played with new equipment. It took them five weeks to get the backing vocals right. The band sang the harmonies, then double-tracked them four times. The end result recalls Queen wondering, "Is this is the real life? Is this just fantasy?" When Ronnie, a trained classical percussionist, brought some kettledrums down, eyebrows were raised; but the fabulously bombastic coda on Why Do I Keep Counting? vindicates his indulgence.
"That's kind of the Ben Hur of the album," he says. He's not wrong. Sam's Town is a record on an epic scale. "Yeah, it has drama," he continues. "But, at the same time, I think it's a little more exposed than Hot Fuss. It's a little more naked. Last time it was about a lot of fictional things." By "fictional", Ronnie means that Hot Fuss wore its predominantly British influences for all to see. Brandon's taste in music is rabidly Anglophile - he constantly references The Smiths, The Cure and Joy Division - and it showed. By contrast, Sam's Town is an unequivocally American record. The lyrical imagery is pure American dream - cars, girls, wide-open spaces and escaping to a better life. "We're burning down the highway skyline/On the back of a hurricane that started turning/When you were young," sings Brandon on When You Were Young. That's the basis of the Springsteen comparisons then, though the lack of pathos more closely recalls another blue-collar rocker from New Jersey - Jon Bon Jovi.
The phrase "this town" recurs throughout the album, and it's always receding into the distance as The Killers escape to a new life. "This town was made for passing through/I never did get along with everybody else," sings Brandon on This River Is Wild. On Read My Mind he "never really gave up on breaking out of this two-star town", while on the title track he offers something of an explanation: "Nobody ever had a dream round here."
"With the first record, there was this feeling that there was this world out there that we didn't know," says Mark later in the day. Before The Killers, he studied philosophy: now he's their quiet one. "We wanted to get out and away from this and be somewhere else. We hadn't had a lot of experience - hadn't travelled much - then we were gone for three years. We didn't sit down and say that we wanted to make a record about how we're glad to be home, but that's what happened naturally."
It's not an angsty record. The Killers have already escaped with Hot Fuss, and, having done so, they view the experience fondly now they're back. There's a mistiness to Brandon's eyes as he explains how the album got it's name.
"Sam's Town is a casino on the edge of Vegas," he says. "I grew up in Henderson, which is out on the way to the Hoover Dam. My mom and dad lived in a trailer park, and my dad used to hitchhike up and down Boulder Highway, which is the only way you could get to Vegas. Sam's Town was the first thing you saw on your way in to town. So, when you're driving down Boulder Highway from Henderson, I always thought you finally knew you were getting somewhere when you saw Sam's Town. It was kind of like a beacon."
"It's not a completely American album," contines Brandon. "We still have our English influence, but we're also from the Wild West. Somehow we've managed to unify all that on this album. it's just such a perfect resemblence of what we are."
At the petrol station, Brandon rummages through the glove box looking for change to buy a lighter. "This is a great album," he says, pointing at Highway Companion, the latest from iconic American rocker Tom Petty. "I've always been a big fan of his. He's such a great American artist."
Yes, Brandon: we get the point.
+
When Brandon finally lights his cigarette, he smokes it awkwardly, like a child mimicking something he's seen the grown-ups doing. However, when he cheerfully admits that, "I feel the same mentally as I did when I was 12," it's not a knowing nod to the fact that he sometimes behaves like a loveably precocious child, but a reference to an unusually comprehensive grounding in pop music at an early age.
When Brandon sings about "this town", he doesn't mean Las Vegas. He means Nephi, Utah or Henderson, Nevada, where he spent his childhood. His parents are Mormon and he is the youngest of six children. "I was a surprise," he says. "I've got a 42-year-old sister." If he was issues about his "surprise" status, he chooses to gloss over them. "It turned out perfect because my brother was a teenager when I was a kid," he says. "He would bring home things like Rattle And Hum by U2 and I would watch it. I remember he bought Live In Dallas by Morrissey. It was always him watching these things, or his door was shut and you'd hear The Head On The Door by The Cure blasting through the house and rattling the walls."
The Killers were formed when Brandon answered an advert Dave had placed in a local paper in late 2002. Dave cited Oasis as a big influence; Brandon had seen them play recently and responded; and, as Dave has said in previous interviews: "He was the only person to reply to my ad who wasn't a complete freak." However, the band was born in Brandon's brothers bedroom.
"His room was like a shrine," enthuses Brandon. "It was a holy place. I wish I could show you a picture of it. It was covered in posters. There'd be a big picture of Elvis wearing a bow tie that just said 'The Smiths' [the artwork for The Smiths 1987 single Shoplifters Of The World Unite]. You had The Cure wearing face paint [the artwork to The Cure's 1985 single In Between Days] - all that kind of stuff. I remember Morrissey being on the cover of the NME, with the halo [from 1985] - stuff like that. You just wanted to know about these people 'cause they were so cool. My brother seemed like such a cool person. But he was a teenager, so he wasn't going to be that nice to me, a kid."
Brandon was fascinated by his brother's collection of music, magazines and posters, but he was denied access to them - officially, at least. "I would sneak in," he says. "I knew he'd be angry if he found out, but I would go in as soon as he left the house." For a long time Brandon was too scared to actually play anything. "That didn't come 'til later. I just used to go in there because I liked it. Then I got to the point where I'd actually take a tape out and put it in. It took more guts to do that."
It was a life-changing moment. "I was ten and the first song I played was Sing Your Life by Morrissey. I remember dancing about to it."
The lyrics to Sing Your Life include the lines, "Sing your life/Just walk right up to the microphone/And name all the things that you love/All the things that you loathe." It's intriguing to wonder what Morrissey makes of the neophyte he inspired with these lines.
Eventually, Brandon inherited his brother's tape collection. "It was around the same time CDs started coming out in a big way. He started buying CDs and gave me his tapes. And that was it: it took off from there. I got a hundred of the best albums - all the New Order, all the Morrissey, all The Smiths, The Beatles. I started buying posters. I went to see The Cure in concert. It was just kind of a continuation of my brother. And it was nice because, though my parents were strict, they were already used to it from him. There was no, 'My dad doesn't understand me,' or any of that kind of stuff. My mum likes The Smiths."
Brandon was 13 and his favourite band was late-'70s/early-'80s American new wavers The Cars, and particularly their jaw-droppingly catchy 1979 single Just What I Needed.
"I wouldn't exist without that song," he says. "That was the one. I remember driving around with my mum when I was 13, and we're living in Nephi - a really small town - and I felt so cool when I put that song on. Like: 'I have something that none of these kids I'm going to middle school with tomorrow have.' That excitement is what music's about, isn't it? That's why I understand the mentality of people that don't like us because we've sold so many records. I used to like it when no one else knew about a band. So I get that - I do."
+
Brandon's first band was called Blush Response. It was never going to work out. Not because he refused to move to Los Angeles with them, but because he is utterly - comically - shameless. He's given to making outrageously boastful statements like: "It's not like the '60s, '70s and '80s now. There are only a few bands around that are really good, that just do it. I mean, there's what, five or six of us?"
For the record, in Brandon's estimation, those bands are Franz Ferdinand, Razorlight, The Strokes, The White Stripes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs and, of course, The Killers.
"I don't want people to think I'm lumping myself with other people just to make us sound cool," he says. Really? It sort of sounds like you are. But he just steamrolls through it. "Yeah, but you know what I mean," he says, grinning at his own cheekiness. He's so disgracefully forward you can't help but laugh along with him - Oh you are awful, Brandon! But joking aside, The Killers are the most commercially successful of all the bands he mentions.
Later, back at the rehearsal space, the band run through Sam's Town at deafening volume in preparation for the forthcoming tour - first the US, then the world. The infectious, almost contagious, chorus of When You Were Young sounds fabulous, as do the U2-like guitars and Twin Peaks synths of Read My Mind. Meanwhile, Smile Like You Mean It and Somebody Told Me benefit from the newfound harder edge.
They somewhat heavy-handedly underline the new direction by playing Paranoid by Black Sabbath and Get It On by T Rex. That's the thing: The Killers are not a subtle band. Their songs are like a wet kiss from a girl who's a bit too drunk. They are big and brash, and not everyone loves them for it. Mr Brightside and Somebody Told Me might go down as well at hip nightclubs as they do on the festival circuit, but the DJs play them with the same guilty look they wear when playing a pop record.
"I hate that," says Brandon. "Like writing a song you can hum somehow cheapens it? It makes me think of this quote by Morrissey. Everybody knows how he read Oscar Wilde, Keats and Yates when he was growing up and that he wanted to be a writer. He was talking to this journalist who asked why he hadn't become a writer, and Morrissey said: 'What I do is more powerful than what you do because I can write down these words and you get it to a melody. How can you beat that?' I'm of the same opinion. I don't understand why a good melody that's memorable is a bad thing."
Being dismissed as pop particular aggrieves Ronnie. "When we first came out we got compared to Duran Duran all the time. Jesus Christ! We got a keyboard player now all of a sudden he's Nick Rhodes! Come on!"
"The people who criticise us for being too poppy don't get it," agrees Mark. "I think that's the problem with a lot of rock music. People are afraid to write a song any more. Either that or they can't. And that attitude hurts music in general. The best bands ever have all written great songs. You can still do it and do it intelligently and it can be original. This isn't a studio creation with a producer writing these songs for us. We're not Avril Lavigne, or something like that. We're a real band writing real songs, just like a punk band would do, except that we write pop songs."
You get the impression that The Killers knack for showboating pop hooks that border on vulgar is inextricably tied up with the brazen side of Brandon's personality. But while his ebullient charisma, not to mention the songs themselves, mitigates his outrageousness, there is a less attractive side to his ego. He has a combative streak. He can't resist taking pot shots at emo bands, notably Fall Out Boy, whith whom The Killers share an A&R man.
Has he heard how many emo kids it takes to change a light bulb? "No." None. They just sit in the dark and cry. It's a full 30 seconds before he stops laughing. When he does he admits: "Yeah, we've had problems with other bands. You know, when you walk in the room it's like..." He whistles the theme to The Good, The Bad And The Ugly. "We're like gangs."
And while the other members of the band are diplomatic on the subject of Brandon, you don't have to read too deeply between the lines to conclude that there have been internal issues, too.
"Some people will think Brandon's the big genius," says Dave, visibly bridling. "There are songs, such as Why Do I Keep Counting?, where he's written every note. But there are others, like When You Were Young, that were more of a collaboration - like Mr Brightside, where I had some of the music and Brandon came up with the lyrics. We always have arguments about who wrote what. The truth is that we all help in that process."
When asked how success affected them, Ronnie says: "There were certain things that needed adjusting. When you're on tour for two years, people can get a little needy. It doesn't help that you're surrounded by yes men and everybody's working for you. At times we've had to say, 'Who do you think you are?' to people. No one wears the trousers, but some people would like to. I think if it wasn't for the people in the band kicking each other in the ass... Let's just say there was some ass-kickin'."
It doesn't take a genius to work out whose ass needed kicking most often.
+
It's the following day and The Killers are back at their rehearsal space. The topic of discussion is what to wear in the video for Bones, the second single. It's a big deal: the director is Tim Burton. "I feel like Frank Sinatra when I sing it," announces Brandon. "With maybe a little bit of Morrissey and a little bit of Elvis, too."
Of course he does. But if securing the services of Tim Burton tells you one thing, it's that The Killers are about to get even bigger, perhaps even make the leap to the same level as Coldplay et al. Already stars, they are about to become superstars. Brandon can hardly wait.
"Do you know that Rolling Stone didn't want to put us on the cover last time," he says indignantly. "They didn't think we were stars. We sold five million albums! What more do they want from a band?"
Whatever was required, Brandon would be happy to do most things. "I'll do stuff that some people don't want to do, 'cause I want people to hear the music," he says. However, even he has limits. "The Rolling Stone thing made the record label think: 'What can we do to make them stars?' If I go on vacation with my wife, do they have to send somebody to be there to take pictures of me? Is that how you become a star? I don't want that. I walked down the red carpet one time and I realised I don't like it. But you don't have to walk down the red carpet for people to hear your music. We do still have some of that indie blood running through our veins."
He heads off at a tangent: "When you walk around Liverpool, you think of The Beatles, or you go to Manchester and you think of The Smiths or Oasis. I want you to come to Las Vegas and think of Sam's Town. And I think we've started to capture that, which is a truer version of The Killers, 'cause that's where we're from."
He pauses.
"I used to live across the street from Sam's Town. Maybe it'll be like our Abbey Road where people go to take pictures."
Is that what he'd like?
"I wouldn't mind it," he says, desperately hoping it will come true.
He puts a cigarette between his lips, looks down at his trouser pockets and pats them in search of the lighter he bought yesterday.
"Hey, I don't suppose you've got one?"

When I was around 13 years old, I was a young stupid teenager, and hanging out with my friends, and we were all saying inflammatory things, and I said, "Yeah, if I turn 30, and I haven't accomplished anything, I'll probably just kill myself." It was an awful thing to say, and I can't believe I said it.
Well, I turned 29. I had probably close to 50 jobs, and had a complete discontentment with my life and civilization, and was contemplating suicide, and then I had a full-blown spiritual awakening, saw a vision of Jesus, God and Satan, and went through an immense dark night of the soul and personal transformation of the heart.
I just have this verse on my heart right now thinking about it, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits, [Psalm 18:21]" and it just reminds me of what I said when I was a teenager.
I know God heard that and knew that he wasn't going to let me die of suicide. He was watching me the whole time, and he cared about me, and he didn't want to lose me.
Three years ago, I was a 29-year-old man whose life had become defined by isolation. Once curious and engaged with the world in my youth, I had slowly withdrawn into myself from depression, retreating into the comfort of my room in my mother's house. My agnostic atheism left me without a guiding light, and the mundane realities of life, from my dozens of failed jobs to my ongoing struggles with addiction, weighed heavily on my spirit. I found solace instead in the company of strategy games and suffered deeply in the rabbit hole of conspiracies on the internet.
My addictions had become an ever-tightening grip on my life. I found myself reaching for cannabis, alcohol, video games, fast food, and pornography to fill the void that had grown in my heart over the years. My life had become a series of hollow habits, each one leaving me feeling emptier than before. I could no longer deny that something was deeply wrong.
One day, while browsing online, I stumbled upon a post that claimed Thoth, the ancient Egyptian deity of knowledge and wisdom, could help those who asked for his assistance. Intrigued, I wondered if reaching out to Thoth could provide me with the help I needed.
Weeks passed since reading the post, and as I stood in my shower, my thoughts drifted to the crossroads my life seemed to have come to. I asked myself why I was stuck in a cycle of self-destructive behaviors and why I felt such a profound sense of emptiness. The steam from the shower enveloped me as I said aloud, "Thoth, if you are real, I really need your help right now. I don't want to live like this anymore; I don't want to die yet." As I spoke the words, my hand moved from the side of my body, and then to my forehead and heart, while making a hand-sign and I felt at peace.
I was stunned, realizing the hand-sign I had made was eerily similar to ones I had seen in paintings of Jesus. I was stunned but felt an unusual calmness wash over me. As I dried off and dressed, I pondered what had just happened. I went to the full-body mirror in my room, looking at myself. I saw someone I no longer recognized, someone I no longer wanted to be.
Once more, I said, "Thoth, if you are real, will you help me? This isn't who I want to be anymore." I stared at myself in the mirror, and slowly a vision began to form in my eyes. It wasn’t Thoth I saw, but Jesus.
Jesus appeared with long brown hair, a brown beard, brown eyes, and light brown skin. Half of his face was illuminated by light, while the other half was cast in shadow. The vision of Jesus was so vivid that it left me both in awe and at peace. As the vision of him faded, I remember reaching out to him because I didn't want him to go, I could tell he was here to help.
As night fell, I lay in my bed, lost in deep contemplation. I revisited the events of the day, focusing on the vision of Jesus. The clarity of the vision was imprinted on my mind, and I couldn't shake the feeling that it held a deeper meaning. I pondered the nature of good and evil, and how they were intertwined in a complex dance of duality. I found myself questioning whether the traditional view of evil as something to be hated and shunned was truly the right approach. Instead, I began to entertain the idea that perhaps evil people and perhaps even evil itself, could be understood with compassion and empathy, instead of hatred and disgust.
As I continued to ponder, I experienced a peculiar sensation in my head. It was as though something shifted in the center of my brain, around the area of my third eye or pineal gland. There was a slight pop like a tearing or crunching sound, it was not painful, but surprising nonetheless. I then felt a fluid movement from the left hemisphere of my brain to the right hemisphere, using the third eye as a bridge or something. This shift brought me a sense of balance and calmness I had not felt before. I realized I had been living predominantly in the logical part of my brain, instead of emotional side.
As I embraced this newfound state of relaxation, I began to see another vision in my mind. This time, it was God who appeared. God had long white hair, a white beard, and wore white robes and sandals. Then God began dancing, moving with joy and lightheartedness.
Before I could fully process what I was seeing, another figure appeared alongside God. It was Satan, with red skin and horns. Satan seemed curious and playful, attempting to imitate God's dance moves with enthusiasm. The sight of these two seemingly opposing forces dancing together struck me as surreal.
As I watched them dance, I found myself smiling, and really enjoying the moment. Then, my mind wandered to the Russian squat dance, a thought that seemed to come out of nowhere. To my amazement, God began performing the Russian squat dance, his movements precise and fluid. I couldn't help but laugh. It was awesome and hilarious.
Slowly, they both faded away, leaving me in a state of awe and wonder. I realized that my third eye had opened, granting me access to a deeper level of perception and understanding.
I lay in my bed for a few moments, attempting to grasp the profound implications of the vision I had just experienced. The reality of the spiritual world was undeniable now. God, Jesus, Satan, and other spiritual beings were real, their presence deeply embedded within my new understanding. This stark realization overwhelmed me, and I felt an immense fear wash over me, it was like the Eye of Sauron was upon me, or the eye of Satan.
I began pacing frantically around my room, gasping for air as I tried to process the magnitude of my new awareness. My mind felt as if it were on the brink of shattering; I couldn't comprehend what was happening. The very foundation of my reality had shifted, leaving me teetering on the edge of my sanity.
Despite my racing thoughts and heart, I managed to steady myself using deep breathing techniques I had learned in the past from Wim Hof. My frantic pace gradually slowed, and I returned to my bed, trying to make sense of everything.
I deduced that the condition commonly known as schizophrenia might not be what people thought it was. Instead, it could be an individual's heightened sensitivity to the spirit world, a world most people never perceived.
As I lay in bed, still reeling from my panic, I suddenly saw a vision of Satan. He had red skin and horns, and spoke directly to me, expressing admiration for my deduction. Satan confirmed that what I thought was true: many people were speaking to demons, believing themselves to be schizophrenic. This deceptive world was, indeed, a harsh reality.
I tried to take in Satan's words, but a sensation of something being pulled out of me struck me. It felt as though my very soul was being drained from my body. My energy depleted rapidly, and I was overcome by a sense of impending doom. I lost control of my bodily functions, believing that I was moments away from death.
At the moment when I thought I was succumbing to death, I caught sight of an Easter lily I had bought earlier that day, sitting on my desk. The sight of the beautiful lily sparked a powerful desire to live within me. Fueled by a newfound will to survive coursing through me, I leaped out of my bed, and began pacing back and forth in my room once more, gasping for air.
As I walked, I experienced a series of visions featuring characters I admired and found inspiration from—Master Yoda from Star Wars, Aang from Avatar: The Last Airbender, and Neo from The Matrix. I realized that God had shown me these characters because they were a source of moral guidance and strength in my life.
My thoughts then turned to the physical pain I was experiencing. My awareness of the spirit world had heightened significantly, causing my brain to start heating up, and I felt a piercing pain and ballooning sensation near my right temple, which deeply concerned me.
Every time I had a thought, I could feel my brain stem wiggle and I would feel pain in my right temple, so I had to learn to still or quiet my mind. Recognizing that I needed to take action to cool my head and relieve the pain, with a sort of just knowing of what I had to do, I resolved to get a large bowl of ice water and head to the basement.
I quietly left my room so as not to wake my mother, who was sleeping in her room nearby, and ventured downstairs to the basement
At this point you could say I was "possessed" by spirits, Thoth, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I was able to rest my consciousness in my third eye, and the Holy Spirit, Thoth, or Jesus could help me and take move my body to keep me alive. There was no way for me to survive without help.
The holy spirit showed me a specific breathing technique to diffuse the energy in my brain by inhaling through my mouth deeply, and then exhaling through my nose in the water. The vibration of exhaling through my nose into the water would cause my brain to feel soothed for a little while, likely stimulating my vagus nerve too, and I believe it was doing something with the fluid in my brain. When I was able to not be at the water, I had to keep pressure on the center of my forehead to rest in my third eye so they could help me.
I remember pacing between the two sections of my basement, and Thoth was helping me breathe just to stay conscious. One half of the basement was bright with light with concrete floors, which is where the bowl of water was, the washer and drier, a sink, and four litter boxes. On the other side of the basement was dark with a carpeted floor and a wood fireplace. The basement's light was painted in the duality of light and dark.
I remained in the basement until the sun rose, soaking my head in icewater, and pacing back and forth between the dark and light rooms because i would become overly sensitive to one particular room, and I was just trying to breathe to stay conscious. I was battling the spirit of fear the entire night. The fear from my initial awakening and the fear of death over and over again, hundreds if not thousands of times.
I soaked my head in the ice water all night, getting momentary breaks from the water, and certain I was going to die hundreds of times from a brain hemorrhage, I stood on the hard pavement for hours, I remember Jesus was my legs at one point, I could feel him focusing through me to keep me standing. I continuously soaked my head in the ice water to combat the piercing pain and ballooning sensation in my right temple. Throughout the night, I heard voices speaking to me—some belonging to what I would call demons and others to angels.
The demons tried to instill fear in me, convincing me I was going to die. While the angels offered comfort and reassurance, telling me I would be okay. Despite the torment I endured, I found profound inner strength and refused to give up. I remember squeezing my Celtic cross necklace so hard during this time.
The sun rose on the second day, I had been awake all night, I was beyond exhausted. I don't remember all of the specifics of this time, my awakening was very traumatic, but several hours passed and I remember being told that I needed to grab a book and go outside down the street and sit by a tree. I refused, and Satan said, "Do you want to die?" I said "No," and grabbed a book and went outside and walked down the street to a tree and sat with my back leaned against it.
I read my book for about 10 minutes when two women carrying their babies in slings approached me, and asked me what I was reading. I told them the name of the book, Inner Engineering by Sadghuru, and they said that they were doing a prayer walk, and wanted to share the gospel message with me. I knew this was a divine appointment. This was meant to happen.
They shared the gospel message with me, and then offered to let me join their community of house churches, and gave me the number of one of their husbands so I could call and get connected with them.
I spent the rest of the day relaxing, but was unable to sleep and barely ate anything, and once the night fell, I was in the basement again, soaking my head in ice water. I would often get relief during the days when the sun was out, and then at night, it was a brutal spiritual battle all night in the basement where I was fighting for my life.
On the second day, I was in the kitchen, and I had the right side of my head in the ice water, and was moving my head up to breathe in through my mouth, and then I would tilt my head back down and exhale my entire breath out through my nose. I didn't know what I was doing, I was just listening to guidance from what I believe was the holy spirit.
After around 15-20 minutes of intense exhaling through my nose, a ton of white viscous liquid started coming out of my nose, and filling the bowl, it wasn't painful at all, it was a massive relief, and the excess fluid in my head was somehow being drained out. When the process was done, I remember I felt amazing, incredible actually, like my head was clear of all confusion, and I was so very much alive and conscious.
I went outside and was swinging a stick like a sword and having fun, and I think I got a little overzealous and jumped the fence behind my house, and started going on an adventure. After around 3-5 minutes though, the fluid started building back up, and I had to soak my head in a puddle to keep my brain cool. When I returned home, I went back to the water to soak my head. I still hadn't slept.
That night was brutal, and I was suffering badly, and I remember I was sitting on the dark side of the basement, but I had turned on the lamp. I was sitting on pillows, and I had just been soaking my head in the water. Satan then told me that in order to save the world, I would have to die by popping my third eye. I don't know why I believed him, I didn't have discernment at the time, and I was just following whatever guidance was coming my way, but I know that I had to do that to find my true strength.
I sat for a moment and contemplated. I grabbed a wooden walking stick that was nearby, and I moved it to my forehead, and pushed it into the center of my head as hard as I could until my arms literally gave out. I thought of my mom and sister, and I wanted the world to be free from suffering, but I wasn't meant to die that day. I cried very hard, and I learned that the human skull is very strong. I got up and went back to the ice water, and my forehead was numb.
Eventually, after three days and nights of this suffering, following the path God laid out before me, I reached my complete breaking point. I declared to the spirits that I had had enough. I was done soaking my head in ice water and I slowly and bravely removed my head from the bowl of water.
I was shivering so badly. These weren't just cold shivers, these were spiritual shivers, they shake you to your very core. I felt awful. Those who have been delivered will know what I am speaking about when I saw spiritual shivers. I spread out pillows on the floor, and lay down to rest. As I settled in, I pulled the blanket over me, and I remember I felt the comforting presence of Jesus, he was tucking me in.
I slept for just a few hours and awoke up early on Saturday morning. I remember my head hurt and it felt like the left side of my head was full of fluid. I grabbed the bowl of ice water, and this time, however, I decided to sit outside. The pain in my head was still excruciating, and I thought I might die.
My mother saw me outside, and concerned about my well-being, approached me to check if I was okay. I told her to call the ambulance because I needed help, and she quickly complied. When the paramedics arrived, they took me to the hospital, where I hoped I would receive the medical care I desperately needed, but that wasn't what was in store for me.
I got to the hospital, and the medical establishment, unfortunately, has no empathy or concern for people's mental sufferings. I asked them for water to drink because I was so dehydrated, and they wouldn't give me water.
Then, I got admitted to the hospital, and they finally gave me some juice and a snack, and I was starting to relax, but then a voice came into my head, it was Satan, and he made me think I needed to soak my head in the icewater again and expel the white viscous fluid again, so I started panicking a bit and had them bring me a bowl of ice water, and I began soaking my head.
They had probably never seen anything like what I was doing, and thought I was just crazy, because they basically came after me and tied me to the bed, and forcefully injected me with something to make me calm down or sleep, and then they didn't talk to me at all anymore throughout the night.
I am claustrophobic, so being tied down was absolute torture for me. They left me in the dark hospital room suffering all night, tied to the bed, thinking I was going to die the entire night, and then finally the sun rose on the horizon, and when the nurse came in to draw my blood in the morning, I asked them to request security to release me from the restraints. They have no empathy for people. Something is deeply wrong with the medical system.
Anyways, they finally sent me to an in-patient mental health clinic which is honestly just a warehouse for people to take meds, sleep, and eat, away from society. It was honestly a welcome respite, but there's no therapy available at these places. Which means no real internal healing is taking place for people suffering.
Once I got to the in-patient mental health clinic, I spent the first day mostly just relaxing, but there was a man there that was definitely possessed by a demon. He would be shouting a bunch of biblical verses about the kingdom of God, and a lot more, and then he would be on the floor the next, flailing around, being tortured by a demon. One of the other patients there told me he is being tortured by something, and I see what she means now.
I spent the rest of my time there recovering the best I could, and just taking the meds to calm down, and try to get some sleep, and spent time listening to people's stories. One of the girls there told me that the wound on my forehead from when I pushed the wooden staff into my forehead, looked like a cross, and she was right.
When I got out of the in-patient mental health clinic, I called the number that I had received during my three days and nights dark night of the soul.
I joined their community of house churches, and was studying the Bible with them for several months and meeting with them frequently, and I thought I had found my forever friends. We would go on prayer walks, and I was eventually baptized at a lake, and thought that I had a new life of faith waiting for me with new friends.
They were concerned about my well-being and cared about me, but a small part of me felt like I was being controlled by them too, like they wanted me to conform to all of their beliefs and everything in the Bible as fact, and the word of God, and I have always been very sensitive to manipulation since I was a child, and I could tell they were manipulating me. They never left room for me to be myself, and share my beliefs without condemnation, which is a major red flag.
Recognizing this, I distanced myself from them, and went on my own spiritual journey where I spent months conversing with the spirit world in my backyard. walking in circles. I spoke to God and Satan/Lucifer and was trying to come to understanding why Satan would reject God's will.
After some time, I realized I was just being tortured, and I needed help. I was suffering from a lot, and I needed deliverance. Satan had taken up a seat in my mind because I let him, and I had demons hurting me. I reached out to the Christian group again after several months of being distant from them, and they said there was an opportunity to move in with some Christian brothers and live with them, so I jumped on the opportunity. I was so excited. I was on fire for God.
I got to the house, and moved my stuff in, and then the night fell on the first night, and the enemy was not having it. The demons and Satan were not having it. They did NOT want me living with my brothers in Christ because they knew I was detached from all the boxes of thought control, and I was living in the spirit, wasn't a slave of mind or spirit. They wanted to destroy our relationship, between us, the brothers of Christ, and they did.
I don't remember the exact sequence of events, but I was entirely in the spirit at the time, I was detached from my body in a way, and just following the path laid out before me. I could feel that I needed to go outside and walk the neighborhood as a part of my spiritual path, so I left the house, and walked barefoot throughout the neighborhood.
While walking the neighborhood, I was in full spirit mode, I was communicating with God and Jesus, and they were guiding me on my path. I saw visions of them sitting beside a tree and trimming off rotten fruit, which I think was symbolic of them removing rotten fruit from my mind. I also saw them sweeping out a room and cleaning it, as if symbolic of my mind, and them cleaning my mind and purifying it. I also remember seeing a symbolic vision of myself holding up a golden gemstone encrusted goblet to God.
During that night, I declared war on the principalities of darkness. Against the forces of darkness. I saw skulls in the clouds, and could tell they were communicating with me as they are spirits of the air.
My feet were bloodied from walking around the neighborhood barefoot, I was completely lost all night, I was new to the neighborhood too, and had no idea where I was, so I wandered for hours throughout the night, so hungry, tired, and thirsty, and just physically and mentally exhausted, but I endured. That night made me realize how strong I really am when I let go of everything and trust in God. When I completely become the spirit instead of the body. The human body is incredible and capable of withstanding far more than we know.
Finally, I found my way to the house, and my footsteps were spilling blood on the front porch. The door was locked, and I knocked, and one of the brothers let me in, and I went to my bedroom. I couldn't sleep at all, my mind was very active, it was very similar to when I had my spiritual awakening, I was just unable to sleep because of how active my mind was. I spent the whole night awake.
The next day, I was suffering horrible spiritual attack, my head was in pain and I was holding my head just to feel comfortable, and one of the brothers called a friend of theirs to come and do a deliverance. I remember them being very bold, but gentle... firm, but kind to me, as they expelled some of the demons through prayer. It wasn't a painful deliverance or too exhausting, it was gentle by comparison. I felt much better after the deliverance, hungry and thirsty again, and wanted to nourish my body. I spent the rest of the day relaxing a bit, and listening to the other believers talk about the Bible, and their beliefs.
That night, I was delivered again, and it was awful. My brothers in Christ shouldn't have done the deliverance, but I don't know if I even would have made the rest of the night it if they didn't. I think the holy spirit guided them to do the deliverance, but it went out of control.
I was in my room, suffering deeply, holding my head, and all three brothers who lived there came up to my room to check on me, and pray for me. Their prayers turned into a full blown deliverance, and demons were screaming out of me for around half an hour straight. They were casting them out in the name of Jesus, but it was awful, it's one of my most traumatic memories. I was suffering so badly, and honestly I could tell the demons were suffering so badly, and my brothers in Christ had zero empathy for me.
After speaking with demons, the brothers wanted to speak with me again, so I came to, I asked them for water, and they denied me, and they just continued the deliverance without giving me a break. I had been suffering for around 45 minutes straight, with demons screaming out of me, and I was beyond exhausted, I was so dehydrated, and I just needed to stop. They didn't care, they kept going.
They kept shouting at these demons in the name of Jesus to leave, and eventually after another ten minutes, I realized, nothing was happening, we weren't getting anywhere, the demons weren't coming out, and they asked to speak with me again, and I came to the forefront and regained control, and tried talking to them, but they were gone. The demons had got into them somehow, and they were filled with hatred and revulsion for me. They all had the same facial expression of hatred and revulsion for me.
I went around the room and pleaded with them that it was me, but they didn't believe me, they were gone, checked out, I tried bringing up memories of what had happened between us that were specific to each person to bring them to understanding that it was me, and in fact not a demon speaking, but they thought I was a demon speaking.
They all grabbed ahold of me, and pinned me down on the bed, but I knew where this was going, the demons in them were going to flood me with fear and fill me with demons again, and I wasn't going to have that, I wasn't going to let them win.
I flailed out of their grasp, told them to get off me, and ran down the stairs and out of the house. I remember as I was running out, Satan told me, "You are the most free person on the planet."
I ran outside, and even the weight of my clothes felt like too much, I was panicking from the trauma of the deliverance and the attack from my brothers, and I stripped off all my clothes and ran down the alley way in the middle of the night and got away from the house.
There were no light, and no one around, and no one followed me, so I just ran down the alley way, and found an abandoned car to sit on for a few minutes until I got a message from God that it was time to go grab my clothes and put my clothes on.
I put my clothes back on, and started walking away from the house because I needed to get some air. That is when one of the other brother's in Christ, the one that I had called initially to join their community of house churches, was there. I think he was guided by the holy spirit to show up there that night.
Anyways, we walked back to the house, and when we got there, there was a cop car and an ambulance there. I guess the brothers had called for a wellness check on me. They wanted to bring me to the hospital to have me evaluated. I protested, but just wanted them to leave me alone, I went with them, and went to the hospital.
Much to no one's surprise, they did nothing for me at the hospital. They just put me in a room where I waited around for 6-8 hours, until I was finally released. I didn't go back to the brother's house though. When they offered me an uber, I went back to my mom's house. I wasn't going to live with them anymore after what they did to me...
A couple weeks passed and two of the brothers who did the deliverance called me, and wanted to schedule a time to meet up so they could minister to me. They came over to my house, and basically told me that I was still demon possessed, and made me feel like there was something wrong with me, and then when I confronted them and asked them if they had a problem with me, they lied to my face, and said that they didn't have a problem with me.
About a month passed and the last brother that was a part of deliverance contacted me and invited me to go to church with him. I told him how that experience made me feel, how I was claustrophobic from childhood trauma and that being pinned down by everyone was horribly traumatic, and he said, "Do you feel better now?" in a sarcastic tone. He completely dismissed how I felt, that hurt me badly.
I went to church with him once, but never went with him again, I also never reconnected with any of the other brothers, and then my life started to become very spiritual. God had a path of understanding laid out before me that most people will not tread.
I began to try to become friends with demons and minister to them and try to turn them to Christ. I had a lot of visions during this time, and I cried a lot. I would walk around my neighborhood and see visions of demons sitting on top of the apartment buildings.
When I would go home, I would have visions of demons in my basement, and would have to drive them out in the name of Jesus. I would speak to them too, and wait and listen for them to telepathically communicate with me.
I remember I was suffering badly though, and I needed to go to in-patient mental health again for help. I needed the meds and a place where I could rest and relax.
During my time there, I was communicating with a spirit named Jezebel, and during that time I was suffering very badly. I won't get into all of the details, but I was becoming friends with her, and we shared a deep laugh about something that I cannot remember anymore, but I remember the laugh. It felt so good to laugh after suffering so badly.
During my time while I was there I was seeing visions of my own death. I was seeing people suffering from demonic attack and spirits of confusion. They couldn't remember who they were, or who other people were.
I prayed for a woman to be delivered that night in her sleep, and the next day she was bright and fresh and happy, and doing so much better. God performed a miracle on her, and saved her. She was a normal person again after entering the hospital in a complete state of confusion. It was miraculous. I was honestly jealous, because I was suffering so badly, and she was delivered overnight in her sleep in a relaxed way, while my time had been so intense.
While I was there though, I was under heavy attack, but I pulled through, God pulled me through too, but when I got home, the journey wasn't over though. I was in a spiritual state for a while, and was seeing visions. I could rest in my third eye, and see the spirit world. It was exhausting, I saw a lot of demons, and had to drive them out in the name of Jesus.
Then one night, I was downstairs, and I was with Satan, Lilith, and a spirit calling itself Baal. I remember Baal was sitting in the middle in front of the fireplace, and Satan was to my left, and Lilith was to my right.
I don't remember what we spoke about, I just spent time with them, and I drank a beer with them, the air was heavy with demonic energy, and then I remember Lilith went over to Satan and kneeled before him, and grabbed him by the hand tenderly and asked him to turn away from his evil ways.
Satan neither accepted nor refused, and then I remember maybe 5 minutes passed and I was doing a full-blown deliverance on Lilith. I was praying for her, and I could see visions of her on the ground flailing around, it was awful, and I hope she is okay.
I don't know how long after that passed, but I was delivered many times during this phase. I was around demons a lot and they would get into me, and I would have to expel them out through vomiting, and it was excruciating.
Several months passed after that where I was okay, I spent months just relaxing and recovering, playing video games, smoking weed, and just relaxing. It was nice, but it wasn't the end of my journey.
My next journey was against Thoth. While he was a great help at the beginning of my spiritual awakening, he is not a perfect being like God, and he tried to overtake me. It's really hard to explain what he did, but he was viciously attacking me spiritually, and I sought help to go to the in-patient mental health clinic again. That was where I went when things got too spiritually charged. I had Medicaid, so I was able to go as needed.
They didn't send me to in-patient this time though, they sent me to a crisis pivot center, which is basically a residential house that is being used to treat people suffering from mental illness, where you can receive meds and sleep in a sort of half-way house between in-patient mental health and being back in the world at home.
Anyways, I was suffering grotesquely from Thoth, he is a VERY powerful entity, perhaps one of the strongest I have faced, and has been more cruel to me than even Satan, and I remember having a conversation with one of the people working there about how I had asked a false God at the beginning of my spiritual awakening for help to fix my life, and how that had caused a bunch of problems.
Eventually, I realized I was not receiving the care that I needed while at the crisis center, so I had them transfer me to hospital. All I wanted to do was sleep. I had been awake for days, and I just wanted sleep, so I was looking for Ambien when I went to the hospital, and that's what I got.
I remember they had admitted me to the emergency, but it was so full that every room was full, so they had me in the hallway, and I was just exhausted, and in a very tired state, but my third eye was opened, and I could sense spirits around me, and Satan, Lilith, and Jezebel were there for me that night.
They were hovering over my bed, and speaking to me telepathically, and asking me if I was okay, they were genuinely concerned for me, and wanted to know if I was okay. It was kind of shocking to be honest. These entities are not known for being nice in any way, but they were there for me that night, and God let them be there for me that night, instead of Jesus or someone else, which i find interesting.
This moment and seeing Lilith kneel before Satan made me realize that entities that we think are pure evil, are more dynamic than just evil. They may have evil in them, or have the ability to evil actions, but they can also be good and support others, like they did with me when I was in such an exhausted and vulnerable state after being delivered from Thoth.
I made it back home, and some time passed and I was in a very spiritual moment. My third eye was very awakened. It seems to happen in cycles. That night was a blizzard, and the air was heavy with demonic energy. This time it was the demiurge.
I remember I had dozens if not hundreds of demons in my room, and they were swirling above my bed, and I kept trying to lay down because I was so exhausted, and I kept being told to not lay down because I would squish a spirit, so I chose to not lay down.
I was whistling the avatar theme for the spirits to uplift them and make them feel better, and during this time I was being possessed by spirits. The room was heavy with spiritual energy.
So much happened that I don't want to get into, but it all lead to me being outside in the blizzard, in the snow storm, naked, and laying down in the snow. I had to be very cold for some reason while interacting with these demons, to keep them from overtaking me, and I remember I had to leave my house behind entirely.
My mom came outside before I left the house and I could feel demonic energy, evil spirits, all around her. There was a presence of wrath around her, and she was angry with me, because I had flooded the bathroom of the house while trying to get cold in the shower.
I left the house, there was a foot of snow on the ground, and I was naked and wandering down the street. I would check in with what I thought was God every once in a while to figure out what was happening with the demons in my bedroom.
For some reason when I would have a thought it would affect them in my room. That's really complicated to get into, and I don't understand it, but regardless, I wandered down the street and around the corner, and that is when the police got me.
They handcuffed me, and put me in the back of the police cruiser, and I remember telling God that the Matrix has me. The police called an ambulance, and they came to get me, I remember they transferred me to the ambulance, and they covered me with blankets, but I didn't want to be warm, I didn't have any control over this situation.
My body started to shut down, and I was struggling to even breathe, and that's when the demiurge appeared. They started speaking to me, and controlling my body to keep me breathing, and that's when I submitted to them, thinking that I was on my own, and God had abandoned me. I told them to fill me with demons, and that I would become a demon lord.
As I would breathe, I could feel demons entering me, spirits. When I got to the hospital, I was possessed by a lot of spirits, and my body was in agony. It's very hard to explain what it feels like, but just imagine discordant energy in your body that makes you feel awful, and physically hurts.
I struggled the entire night, and was in absolute agony. After 6-8 hours I was recovered and feeling better, they had admitted me to the hospital at this time, so I was able to rest in a room and eat plenty of food and recover.
My experience with the demiurge was really traumatic though, but that wasn't the end of my experiences with him.
... to be continued...

I’ve been single for 12 years for lots of reasons and while I’m open to the idea of someone. I’ve done a lot of repair work on myself that means I know what I want and what I want in my life. Any person who comes into my life will follow with me instead of try to slow me down. Anyways, I was coming home from work on the bus where many other people who work in my area also take. The bus was coming when a guy approached me and asked how my shift was. I responded in kind and then he sat next to me on the bus to keep talking. It was fine, normal conversation. He asked for Snapchat that I haven’t used since 2017, so I offered Instagram. Like I said, I’m out of practice, so I couldn’t read the conversation necessarily. If it was conversation or an attempt at flirting. He messaged me after I got home, complimented me, so then I knew he was flirting. The thing is, the guy isn’t my type in anyway. I wouldn’t apologize for it and turned time down. It wasn’t over. He kept messaging me after I said no 5 different times until I blocked him. First guy to notice me in years and it hit the wrong target. I’m not hurt. It’s just funny how it happened. Not taking no for an answer wasn’t funny, but I guess it means I have enough self esteem. Hopefully the right target gets hit next time.

TLDR: I feel like I’m being treated cruelly by my boyfriends parents but he dismisses it as them just looking out for him. Looking for advice on how to broach the subject with him
My boyfriend (23M) still lives with his parents (40s-50s?) for context, I (24F) live in his city for university away from my family.
When I got into a relationship with my boyfriend in October I was introduced to his parents by the end of the month. We used to spend at least every other day there and I felt close to his parents. When my mum had cancer his family supported me, one of the last times I saw his mum she was talking about getting him a more comfortable mattress so that I could sleep over.
My boyfriend has been mentally ill since before I started dating him. I encouraged him to speak to his parents about it so that he would have a bigger support network and my impression of his parents made me think this would be a big help in his recovery. However, because he made them aware of his mental health issues when he was going out with me, and the easiest issues for him to talk about were insecurities about me (that were irrational, things like me not loving him when I am extremely physically and verbally affectionate), they immediately started blaming me for the decline in his mental health and I was iced out pretty quickly and am no longer welcome in their house. This was a really stark difference from our previous closeness, I had been present at all family nights, invited for dinner, invited for birthdays, etc. so at first I chalked it up to being an easy scapegoat and that this would pass as they came to terms with their sons mental health issues. I believed that part of this would be denial as a huge part of his mental health problems that existed long before me is his lack of fulfilment about where he is in life (regrets about career, education, lack of independence, feeling lost) which they contributed to.
Now it has been months, they are vocal and controlling about wanting him to break up with me, his mum makes a fuss when he comes to mine, etc. I feel like they have villanised me to the point they no longer see me as a human being with feelings. My boyfriend tells me that they don’t hold any hatred towards me, only that they see me as “damaging”.
My boyfriend has done his fair share of damaging things to me and my mum still treats him with compassion and empathy. He tore his tendon punching a hole in my shower and my mum had him over at ours the next night, as I had went home that day after immediately forgiving him and going to the hospital with him. He spoke to his ex for a week in secret, which he knew was a boundary for me as I had previously asked him to block her multiple times, confiding in her about me, and I only found out because he came to me for sympathy about the possibility that she may have cheated on him, I saw holes in his story and he didn’t realise iMessages could be recovered. He is still welcome in my home and our relationship is supported by my mum. This is because we see him for who he is, not his mental health issues that are making him act up.
However, I have never even received so much as a “hi” from them when he visits me. I have never been treated with such little compassion by people I thought I was close to. Despite how long me and my boyfriend have been together, I am really serious about him and see him as long-term. I am ready to be with the man I am going to marry and would not waste my time on someone who I thought wasn’t him, I see these people as my future in-laws which makes this hurt even more. They have never given any thought as to how I might have felt watching my partners mental health plummet, when my shared rental shower was destroyed, when I had to postpone my exams following the mental breakdown that ensued when I found out about the week long secret conversation with his ex that reeked of cheating 2 days before my first, when I was isolated by the people I thought were my family away from home. I feel demonised and dehumanised.
To blame me for all of this has been awful, for both me and my boyfriend. The cognitive dissonance it has caused has affected both of our mental health problems greatly, and the “volatility” his mother accuses me of sounds like a much bigger trait in her than in myself from what my boyfriend has told me. Her treatment of him growing up is what has caused him to be such an awful communicator. Their home environment is highly unhealthy, it is a high emotional effective environment, characterised by hostility, critical comments, and emotional over-involvement which predicts depressive episodes and relapse.
We have discussed moving out together as we agree that the push and pull is going to destroy our relationship, which they are highly against and are actively trying to talk him out of it. He would be moving 5 minutes away and this would have no financial implications on me if we were to break up and is for a year maximum so it seems very low risk. It will also tell us whether I can move with him to university next year so will determine the next 4 years of our lives. He was very excited about this at first, but when he spoke to them, he changed his mind and couldn’t give me a straight answer until he got them on side. He is now saying that he will do it regardless but I am apprehensive now as I cannot see a future with someone whose family views and treats me like this, and with him allowing it. They have offered alternatives such as him moving to the city he will go to university in early, but have never mentioned anything resembling making amends with me.
My boyfriend dismisses all of this as “they are just worried for my (his) mental health”, but I am deeply hurt by this treatment. I don’t even know if I’m in the right for feeling like this so I have absolutely no idea how to broach this topic with him. I am looking for advice in doing so. How do I talk to him about this?