It had been less than twelve hours since the Emperor, her father, had brought her aboard his starship. Her world looked small below her, almost like she could reach out and grab it from the vacuum. She could if she wanted to, she knew, though not in the physical sense, but then again she didn't need to prove her psychic might to herself.
In those few hours she had met two of her sisters: Juno, a refined woman in blue and gold livery, as well as Ferra, who though gruff and kurt had been welcoming to her. They had both come down to greet her before returning. There was a great deal of work to be done before departing from her home system, but they had insisted on introducing their new sister to the glories of the Imperium from a place with a bit more perspective. After a time Ferra had left them for the forges, leaving just herself and Juno staring out the window at her world.
"Is it just the three of us on this ship," she'd asked, enthralled by the scale and grandeur of the ship. To think that humanity had made such beauty was still hard to accept, let alone that, if they were to be believed, Juno had said it was one of thousands of such ships. "The three of us sisters, I mean."
Juno looked down and smiled wryly. "No, sister. There is another of our siblings aboard, though she didn't want to come down to meet you. She's probably in her quarters, down where you'll be staying, if you'd like to introduce yourself. I warn you, though: she's not as, shall we say, 'dignified' as we are."
Strange, she'd thought. Why wouldn't she come to see me. Not a very welcoming type, I guess.
She'd made her way down the passages towards the living quarters, passing crew and serfs who bowed to her as she passed. Their looks of awe were nothing new to her, such was the effect she had on others. It was something she accepted as the way of things, even her sisters had been reverent and respectful when they'd met her in the city plaza earlier that day.
Her wanderings eventually had led her to the door she'd simply known had to be the one. Unlike the other doors it held bare metal aside from placed where the old decoration had been torn off. On it a single symbol had been scratched into the metal with a sharp object. A tad dramatic, she'd thought, and awfully uncouth for a daughter of the Emperor. She'd put her thoughts aside, mustered herself to be presentable, and pushed open the door.
Magnolia entered a large room that looked to have been ransacked, and beheld a savage sitting in a plush chair at its center. A fire was roaring in the hearth behind the chair, obscuring the details of the woman who sat within it. Two large beasts, what one could mistakenly call wolves, looked up from whete they lounged at the savage's feet. Their throaty growls could be felt even in Magnolia's enhanced physiology. Fascinating, she thought, studying the eyes of the beasts; faintly, she could feel intelligence staring back at her.
"Skoll! Hati! Be still, that's no way to greet your new sister," the savage said, a grin tugging at the edge of her lips. Teeth reflected in the lumens above in that grin, teeth long and sharp. The two beasts quieted and returned their heads to the carpeted floor, though their eyes never left the stranger who had entered their packmate's room. "You're the new one, yeah? He must've found you on this little excursion to whatever backwater system we're in. So, what do they call you?"
"Magnolia, they call me the Crimson Queen where I am from," she replied regally, studying the face of the warrior across from her as she did. Her dirty blonde hair was long, unkempt and braided in places, the bulk of it held away from her face with a strip of leather cord. Her eyes were the blue of glacial ice with black paint swathed across them so they stood out even more than normal. An old scar ran down her left forehead vertically down her cheek. She was dressed in the skins of animals Magnolia could not identify, muscled arms and shoulders silhouetted beneath them. Much like the beasts at her feet, Magnolia was surprised to find intelligence behind those azure orbs; in fact she was almost taken aback at the intensity of that intelligence. There was a calculating mind behind those eyes, one that many would not see fully.
"Magnolia? Pretty name, that," the savage said, grabbing an oversized drinking horn on the table beside her and draining the contents in a handful of drafts. Her lack of decorum or any standards of acknowledgement stung Magnolia's pride that tasted bitter in her mouth. "So, Magnolia, what is it that you do?"
"What do I do?" What kind of question is that coming from such a creature, she thought. Can this thing even be called 'my sister'?
"You know, what do you do," the savage said, swinging her arms out to each side. "From those of our sisters I've met we all do something, usually something different. Well, some I've met are a bit more alike each other but don't go saying that around Petra." The woman threw her head back and let out rolling, boisterous laughter that shook the air. It was hard for Magnolia not to smile at the sound, even with the bitterness of the woman's reproach still acrid on her tongue.
"Well, I am much like our father in what I can do in the metaphysical sense," Magnolia said, standing straighter with pride.
The laughter abruptly ended. A dark look came over the woman's face, the lips that once held a smile now turned up in a snarl. "What do you mean by that? Our father is the greatest man to ever exist and you claim to be his equal the second you meet him?" The beasts at her feet began to growl again, their hackles raised.
"I meant no disrespect to the Emperor of Mankind, sister," Magnolia said, shocked by the sudden aggression. The savage's mood had changed in a heartbeat, the very air in the room seemed to hum with the anticipation of further escalation. "You see I am gifted in the ways of arcana, much like our father is. I am by no means his equal, though I hope to learn to be like him."
"And how do you practice such arcana, hmm?" the woman snarled, raising herself up from her seat. Now standing she was large; not at large as Magnolia but far and above the stature of the Astartes warriors she'd seen when the Emperor had visited her on her homeworld of Prospero. She now saw twin hand axes of dark iron were strapped to each hip, the handles wrapped in worn leather with wood underneath, both of which were stained with the blood of battles long since past. The woman's right hand rested upon the haft of its corresponding axe, not yet an outright challenge but certainly a threatening gesture. "I know how malifecarum works, witch, and I've dealt with those who wield it without discipline. So, how do you do your little spells, Magnolia?"
"I-I use a number of techniques, all of which I've mastered and wield with the utmost ability... and safety, of course," Magnolia said quickly. I can kill her now if she attacks, but I don't think that would be wise. Best to find capitulation with this brute. "I am very much of the mind that wielding such forces for the good of our Crusade our father has so graciously allowed me to join."
The woman stayed standing, staring into Magnolia's eyes with burning intensity. Her body was taut, a musclebound spring coiled up ready to leap forward on a second's notice. Her blue eyes never wavered, the snarl bearing her fangs for Magnolia to see in all their obscene glory.
Then she... started to chuckle. Then she started to laugh. She laughed and laughed, doubling over before throwing her head back again so that those on the decks above could also hear her. Magnolia, stunned into silence, watched on in stupefied bewilderment. What in the Hells is she?
"You should have seen your face," the woman cried, holding her side. She mimed a frightened face, bringing about even more uproarious laughter. She sat back heavily into her seat and immediately reached for another horn of alcohol from the table beside her. Her smile had returned, but it didn't reach her icy stare. Those eyes never lost their intensity. "I think I can come to like you, in time. I hope you'll be a good sport and keep coming back around while you can. I'm sure our father will send such a powerful creature such as yourself out into the universe soon. Until then ask Juno to teach you regicide, I need someone new to play against." She leaned back, teeth glinting in the light.
"Well, thank you for seeing me today, sister. I look forward to speaking again," Magnolia said, bowing her head and turning to leave.
"Farewell, Magnolia the Red," the woman called from her seat, her beasts returning to their places.
"I never learned your name, sister," Magnolia said, turning back in the doorway to address the woman. "I wish to know what to call you when we next meet... hopefully under more pleasant and amicable circumstances."
The grin on the woman's face widened, a throaty chuckle escaping from between her clenched teeth and pointed fangs. Those eyes never left Magnolia's, almost burning bright beneath her shaggy hair and eyeblack.
"My name is Lyana of the Russ, the Wolf Queen of Fenris, Lord of Winter and Wrath, slayer of krakens and the Tamer of Morkai. But for you, Magnolia? Just Lyana will suffice."
(I've seen all the lore being posted and figured I'd throw my hat in the ring. I have ideas for how to further their story so if y'all like it let me know. C&C is always welcome. Also some italicizing is lost in this format but shouldn't hinder the reading.) Edit: spelling/grammar

Hello,
I’m a M. I’ve recently started trauma therapy for a lot of things that have happened in my life and a year or so of panic attacks which are predominantly health anxiety related.
One thing that keeps popping up in my mind during all of this is of when I was a child.
At around age 9-11 I’m not 100% on the specifics anymore, there was another kid in my street approximately 4/5 years older than me that we used to play out with.
One day when we were alone at his house he suggested we should play “dirty dares” and essentially undressed, started playing with himself and ultimately ended up touching me too. This happened quite a few times we ended up alone and I was scared and didn’t know what to do and froze. There was a time when he also pinned me down and put it in. Not really sure how else to say it in a friendly manner. Sometimes he’d just masturbate whilst looking at me.
I didn’t have many friends so carried on going out with the group of all the kids in my street but when we ended up alone this happened.
Sometimes he would message me on MSN and tell me he was touching himself thinking of me.
Our parents are good friends and I was scared so I never said anything. Only me and my therapist know this information now. And the other lad he did this to as I was witness to it.
The more I think of this I’m not convinced it was legal, and I wonder whether it even counts as assault given the age differences ? I was in primary school and he high school (UK), but neither of at the age of consent (16).
Thing is I’m also aware that it did feel helpful to share it with my therapist as I’ve held on to this for SO long.
I’m engaged and due to marry in 2 years. I feel like I want to share the information but then also think it’ll just lead to her thinking less of me and leaving (which is perhaps a little irrational I know). And even how, when.. not something you can just casually drop in to conversation.
So yeah, Reddit, I’m asking for some advice?
Not judgement please. Unfortunately I do carry some guilt and shame for allowing this to happen to me.

My partner and I are pregnant with our first baby after a rather long, difficult struggle with fertility. Our baby shower is coming up next month and, to be quite blunt, its planning has been a shit-show. My MIL (who is hosting) seems to be throwing the baby shower for herself (an example of which is not even providing food that's safe for me to eat, due to allergies and dietary restrictions).
Recently, my MIL over the phone said, "I wasn't going to say anything, but 'Sandy' asked how [my partner] is doing with the yard work." Poking fun at the overgrown side yard (an acre and a half) of land that has since overgrown. Due to the season being unreasonably rainy, my partner's multiple mandated doubles at work, my high-risk status pregnancy, working on the nursery, etc., our side yard has been a low, low priority. To clarify, we do not live in an HOA, Sandy is not our neighbor. She drives her bike the 3.1 miles from her home, past my house on a country road. I'm assuming the street is merely a coincidence and not her being nosy.
Backstory on Sandy--she's a friend's mom. Our relationship has become very distant/hands off because we just don't mesh. She is rather harsh and judgmental and says whatever she wants without regard for how it affects other people. I, personally, am too sensitive to get along with that personality type well. All in all, I kept it cordial but never personal. A few times over the years it has gotten back to me that she has said unnecessary nitpicky things about my partner and me.
So, as you can imagine--utterly unsurprised to hear she was speaking "out of her ass" again. But this time, for me, was the last straw. Largely because my MIL (who has two bad knees and recently had major reconstructive surgery) then felt the need to volunteer to mow the lawn for us. And the look on my partner's face when I relayed the whole story was GUTTING. My partner has a hard time asking for help and has this fatal flaw where they think they have to work theirself to the bone to provide for their family. Recently, they've expressed that they feel inadequate because work and other obligations keep piling up. So, admittedly, I saw red. My knee-jerk was to get my seven-month pregnant derrière into the riding mower and bounce along the uneven acre and a half until it was all done and then post up a sign that says, "if you don't f***ing like how my yard looks, Sandy, don't drive past it."
Instead, I called my friend and we talked about how to go about it. A) because I am fully aware hormones may make things feel bigger than they are and wanted their insight, B) because I wanted to know how best to approach the subject. Ultimately, they said they'd talk to Sandy and the conclusion was to at least tell her that if she has to make a negative comment about my partner to just NOT say it to my partner's mom.
The talk did not go well, from what I was told.
I am going to be talking to my friend tomorrow about whether a conversation with their mother directly would go anywhere.
All that being said, it's a pretty clear cut decision for me. It IS my baby shower (hosted by my MIL, yes), and I have a say in who comes and who doesn't. As far as I'm concerned, this is a pattern of behavior and this person has hurt my partner and I don't want her there. I informed my MIL about my decision and she told me that Sandy already is aware of the date, time, venue, etc. I called her immediately and told her that I (person who is sending out the invites) would just not send her an invitation and that I would take the entire blame for her not being invited and if Sandy wanted an answer as to why, I'd talk to her directly and explain. My MIL still wants her there because she likes Sandy (and my MIL said, "that's just how she is," etc.)
I told her I would take a beat to think about it before making a decision. So, my question here is would I be the asshole for uninviting a friend's mom who hurt my partner's feelings?
Edit: Autocorrect did me dirty with the title 😤

Intro: You’re in the middle of something pretty damn important when your girlfriend walks in. What does she want this time?
Summary: Speaker asks Listener a question, which leads into a long discussion.
Go ahead and monetize, it's fine. Word count is about 1700.
If you fill this or plan to fill this, please notify me. Please don't make edits without asking first.
Line breaks represent the listener talking or space where no one talks and should be short pauses, words within {brackets} represent the speaker’s tone or sfx. At ellipses, the speaker trails off, and at dashes, she is either cut off abruptly by the listener or by herself.
Author’s Note: So, before another long, emotional note ensues, let me just say: this is why I shouldn’t be allowed to write. This script right here. Back to the subject at hand, though, holy hell! I’ve hit a year! Yup, one year to the day since I posted my first script, and damn, what a journey it’s been. 43 scripts, which doesn’t sound like many but felt it, 198 fills at the time of this posting (so damn close!), a ton of friends made and fun projects worked on, and all of the chaos. I can’t bring myself to regret a second of it. For anyone reading this, thank you! Even if you choose to ignore this script and pass it by, just by reading this, you’ve become one of the people who makes this whole hobby of mine so rewarding. I’m genuinely, sincerely grateful for this little world I’ve found and all the fun I’ve had in it. To celebrate making it to a year, I think I’ll finally start working on some much-requested Part 2s. (Might even get back to Fangs, hopefully?) As always, to anyone who might see this, have a wonderful day, and keep kicking ass at whatever it is you need to do. You got this, buddy! (And now my Writer character, who I brought out in celebration and to EDUCATE y’all unwashed masses, shall go back into her little box until I hit another milestone. Don’t worry, she likes it in there.
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If you want to read this somewhere other than Reddit, it's also here.
All right, honey, question for you:
Wha- yes, of course it’s important! Come on, do you really think I’d interrupt your… whatever this is for something less than absolutely crucial?
Well, I’m not. I really need to know your answer.
Right, here we go: Lamia. Smash or pass?
Yes I’m serious! This is necessary. I have to know whether you would bang a snake girl or not.
Don’t ask why, just answer the question.
No, no, I promise, this isn’t some kind of test or relationship trap. Believe me, I know you wouldn’t cheat on me with a lamia. And I’m not gonna judge you for it, I’ll be answering too.
{sigh} We’ve already gone over this. Just because I’m straight doesn’t mean I can’t get women. And at the very least, I have opinions on monsters.
Umm… Nooooo? I… haven’t spent excessive amounts of time contemplating the fuckability of different monster girls? That’s totally not a thing I would do- anyway, let’s just move on. I already asked you the question, I’m going to require an answer.
Uh-uh, no. You don’t get clarifying questions. Personality doesn’t matter, there are no extenuating circumstances. Just smash. Or pass.
Yeaaahhhh, that’s what I thought! Nice.
Oh, yeah, in a heartbeat, smash. I mean, was that even a question? Come on, she can coil you up…
Shush, you, there’s no need to bring that up now. Next question: arachne.
Did you really think I’d stop at one? We’re making a list.
Yes, we must. My apologies about your whatever this is, but it’s now a whatever this was.
Yes, thank you, I was planning that one. Took me a whole ten minutes to come up with it, I think I’m going to be using it a lot.
Yup! We are. Arachne, smash or pass. Remember to consider, she could tie you up…
Really? A pass on that? Your loss, I’m taking the smash.
Oh, I see how it is. You’d rather trap the spider in her own web? Interesting… Okay, so, since we disagreed, I’m putting her in B tier.
Yes, obviously I’m assembling a tier list. Again, was that even a question? I need to soapbox the objectively correct opinions into people, but I want some kind of visual aid to help me do so. Hence, tierlist. I thought I’d get your input because your opinions usually aren’t terrible, even if they’re not always as right as mine.
Shut up and take the compliment, don’t make me regret including you.
Hey! No! No turning this wholesome! We are being horny today, come on. Monster. Girl. Tier. List. Lamia obviously goes in S tier, because of course she does. Arachne in B tier, because I like her and you would like her without the tying up bit, correct?
Fantastic. Next: mermaid.
Really? You would?
I think you’ve been watching too many Disney movies, honey.
…Or reading too many Xanth books, okay. But like… no. She’d smell like dead fish.
Well, I never thought I’d hear the phrase “make the mermaid take a shower.” Congratulations, I think you just invented a new sentence.
You’re gonna want her high tier, aren’t you?
All right, how about this: since she can be made to smell better, she’s not instantly relegated to the bottom tiers, but since her default state is “smells like fish” and in a vacuum - which is how this is supposed to be considered - that’s what you’d be stuck with, she goes in C tier? Sound reasonable?
Hmm… okay, I like the thought, but no, having gills doesn’t mean that she doesn’t need to breathe, only that she can breathe in water. While on land, she’d still require just as much oxygen as a human. Maybe a little more, to support her particular… physiology.
Don’t look at me like that, as far as you know I’m talking about the tail.
Shut it. We’re agreed, mermaid in C. Next one is pretty obvious. Neko, Inu, Kitsune. I’m lumping these together because they’re basically the same, anyway.
Yeah, I figured. They’re just generically bangable, yeah? Couldn’t not go in A tier. Nothing much to say, there. Let’s move on to harpies. I’m gonna say it: smash.
No, no, think about it. She’s got wings, the feathers are gonna be soft, she’s probably pretty athletic from flying around all day, she doesn’t have a beak or anything crazy, I’m not seeing the downside here.
Okay, I’m hearing a lot about birds, but harpies aren’t birds. They’re bird girls. Surely the human half would win out over some of the more… grotesque avian instincts. She’d be clean.
That’s… all right, look, mermaid went in C tier, and that debate was basically the same. C for harpy?
Fantastic, I can live with it also. Maybe we’ll come back, but for now, how about centaur? Now, personally, I’d be willing to try, but I can understand why you might be… somewhat reluctant.
I- ooh, yeah. Either way that goes, it’s not so good for you. I’m guessing you want D tier?
All right, F feels a little excessive. Consider the human half.
Look, I know you’re thinking about it. There’s gotta be some way to make it work, right?
Really? Adamant on that? Well, I’m putting her in D tier anyway. Still not great, but at least I’m willing to try.
Oh, shush, it’s my tier list. You get input when you’re not wrong.
Uh, excuse me, we’ve established that my opinions are the objectively correct ones here. On to dragon girls!
Umm… yes? Dragon in human form, with just a few draconic features. Horns, probably wings, a few patches of scales-
Damn, that was forceful. S tier, then?
I’m gonna have to agree. She’s a dragon. We should all aspire to be Donkey.
I mean, I’m sure there’s a lot of reasons that sums up, I’m just not taking the time to elaborate on them at the moment. “She’s a dragon” is enough for me.
I concur. Now, what haven’t we gone though… Hmm, lamia, arachne, mermaid, neko, inu, kitsune, harpy, centaur, dragon…
Ooh, that’s a good one! Succubus. Well, not sure she exactly counts as a monster girl, but close enough. And all right, since you asked first, I think I’m gonna say pass.
Excuse me, I happen to like my soul where it is. It might be beat-up and dingy, but it’s mine, dammit.
Okay, no, obviously if she didn’t take my soul, automatic S tier. I mean, come on, an actual demon of lust? Hell, yeah- literally! But she probably takes my soul. Most versions of succubi I’ve read about do this thing.
We’re not talking about the books I read, we’re talking about the monster. And look, I assume you like your soul, too?
As I thought. So how about a compromise? Since she’s a conditional smash, B tier?
C is what we went with for the previous compromises, yeah, but come on. I don’t need my soul that badly.
Wonderful! B it is. In the vein of succubus, how about a vampire?
How dare you. Imagine relegating a Dark Lady, Mistress of the Night, all-powerful vampire Queen to “spicy human.”
No, I know you’re not wrong! That’s the worst part!
Look, A tier, that’s my final offer. Take it or leave it.
Good, then.
God, what’s left? I feel like we’ve run through a lot. Oh! We did vampire, we have to do werewolf, yeah? Smash or pass.
As I figured. No matter how the shapeshifting works, she always at least has a human form, and I’d bet quite a lot that headpats and “good girl” carry over.
Well I know I’d like ‘em, whichever form I was in, if that helps.
Hey hey hey, calm down there. We need to finish this list without any werewolf-related distractions, come on.
I told you, I require a visual aid! For soapboxing! So I’ll have to write all this down… later. Eh, I’ll do it later. I probably won’t forget. Now, what other kinds of monster are there? Slime? Have we done slime?
Ah, perfect.
…I’m gonna say no, not an acidic one. I would’ve thought that’d be obvious, but I understand why you felt you had to ask. Nothing melty, just slime.
Really? Still that low? You don’t think it’d feel good at all?
Okay, so it’d be a little messy. Whatever! It couldn’t be that bad to clean up.
…Why do you know that.
No no no, why do you know how hard this situation would be to… sanitize? Inquiring minds want to know. I’m very curious.
All right… but we’re coming back to that later. I will find out what secrets you’re keeping from me about sticky things.
Of course I will. But later. A lot of things, later. So, D tier? You sure?
All right, fair enough. I had some other ideas, but nothing super relevant in that context. In that kind of vein, though… eldritch.
No, no, consider: tentacles.
You’re not considering hard enough. Tentacles.
Keep thinking about it, it’ll grow on you.
I- all right, yes, my mind might collapse into madness, but that’s supposed to happen anyway if it’s good enough, right?
{laughing} All right, all right, kidding! Put that down!
Menacing me with a pillow is rude, I hope you know. So I take it you’re not a fan of insanity?
Yeah… I suppose if you can’t enjoy it, there’s no point.
Really? F tier?
Okay, I can see that. I suppose we needed something in there, anyway. And that’s pretty good, fourteen monsters and only one in F? Sounds pretty objectively correct to me.
This is the only time Princess Bride quotes aren’t applicable, honey. Don’t you dare.
…You said it. You weren’t supposed to say it.
Take it back, I absolutely know what I’m talking about! Do I need to soapbox you first? I’ll harangue if I have to. Are you prepared for that, you unwashed mass, you?
Hey hey hey! That was not the time for a dirty joke, I- ohhhh. Okay. I’ll admit, that’s clever. Never do it again, but it was clever.
Wait, wha- what now?
Uh, lamia and dragon were the only two, I think, why?
Whaddya mean, “make me feel like one of them,” I’m not particularly reptilian?
I- wait, what? I’m not sure I count as S tier…
Wait, how could you- OH-

Intro: You’re in the middle of something pretty damn important when your girlfriend walks in. What does she want this time?
Summary: Speaker asks Listener a question, which leads into a long discussion.
Go ahead and monetize, it's fine. Word count is about 1700.
If you fill this or plan to fill this, please notify me. Please don't make edits without asking first.
Line breaks represent the listener talking or space where no one talks and should be short pauses, words within {brackets} represent the speaker’s tone or sfx. At ellipses, the speaker trails off, and at dashes, she is either cut off abruptly by the listener or by herself.
Author’s Note: So, before another long, emotional note ensues, let me just say: this is why I shouldn’t be allowed to write. This script right here. Back to the subject at hand, though, holy hell! I’ve hit a year! Yup, one year to the day since I posted my first script, and damn, what a journey it’s been. 43 scripts, which doesn’t sound like many but felt it, 198 fills at the time of this posting (so damn close!), a ton of friends made and fun projects worked on, and all of the chaos. I can’t bring myself to regret a second of it. For anyone reading this, thank you! Even if you choose to ignore this script and pass it by, just by reading this, you’ve become one of the people who makes this whole hobby of mine so rewarding. I’m genuinely, sincerely grateful for this little world I’ve found and all the fun I’ve had in it. To celebrate making it to a year, I think I’ll finally start working on some much-requested Part 2s. (Might even get back to Fangs, hopefully?) As always, to anyone who might see this, have a wonderful day, and keep kicking ass at whatever it is you need to do. You got this, buddy! (And now my Writer character, who I brought out in celebration and to EDUCATE y’all unwashed masses, shall go back into her little box until I hit another milestone. Don’t worry, she likes it in there.
If you want to read this somewhere other than Reddit, it's also here.
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All right, honey, question for you:
Wha- yes, of course it’s important! Come on, do you really think I’d interrupt your… whatever this is for something less than absolutely crucial?
Well, I’m not. I really need to know your answer.
Right, here we go: Lamia. Smash or pass?
Yes I’m serious! This is necessary. I have to know whether you would bang a snake girl or not.
Don’t ask why, just answer the question.
No, no, I promise, this isn’t some kind of test or relationship trap. Believe me, I know you wouldn’t cheat on me with a lamia. And I’m not gonna judge you for it, I’ll be answering too.
{sigh} We’ve already gone over this. Just because I’m straight doesn’t mean I can’t get women. And at the very least, I have opinions on monsters.
Umm… Nooooo? I… haven’t spent excessive amounts of time contemplating the fuckability of different monster girls? That’s totally not a thing I would do- anyway, let’s just move on. I already asked you the question, I’m going to require an answer.
Uh-uh, no. You don’t get clarifying questions. Personality doesn’t matter, there are no extenuating circumstances. Just smash. Or pass.
Yeaaahhhh, that’s what I thought! Nice.
Oh, yeah, in a heartbeat, smash. I mean, was that even a question? Come on, she can coil you up…
Shush, you, there’s no need to bring that up now. Next question: arachne.
Did you really think I’d stop at one? We’re making a list.
Yes, we must. My apologies about your whatever this is, but it’s now a whatever this was.
Yes, thank you, I was planning that one. Took me a whole ten minutes to come up with it, I think I’m going to be using it a lot.
Yup! We are. Arachne, smash or pass. Remember to consider, she could tie you up…
Really? A pass on that? Your loss, I’m taking the smash.
Oh, I see how it is. You’d rather trap the spider in her own web? Interesting… Okay, so, since we disagreed, I’m putting her in B tier.
Yes, obviously I’m assembling a tier list. Again, was that even a question? I need to soapbox the objectively correct opinions into people, but I want some kind of visual aid to help me do so. Hence, tierlist. I thought I’d get your input because your opinions usually aren’t terrible, even if they’re not always as right as mine.
Shut up and take the compliment, don’t make me regret including you.
Hey! No! No turning this wholesome! We are being horny today, come on. Monster. Girl. Tier. List. Lamia obviously goes in S tier, because of course she does. Arachne in B tier, because I like her and you would like her without the tying up bit, correct?
Fantastic. Next: mermaid.
Really? You would?
I think you’ve been watching too many Disney movies, honey.
…Or reading too many Xanth books, okay. But like… no. She’d smell like dead fish.
Well, I never thought I’d hear the phrase “make the mermaid take a shower.” Congratulations, I think you just invented a new sentence.
You’re gonna want her high tier, aren’t you?
All right, how about this: since she can be made to smell better, she’s not instantly relegated to the bottom tiers, but since her default state is “smells like fish” and in a vacuum - which is how this is supposed to be considered - that’s what you’d be stuck with, she goes in C tier? Sound reasonable?
Hmm… okay, I like the thought, but no, having gills doesn’t mean that she doesn’t need to breathe, only that she can breathe in water. While on land, she’d still require just as much oxygen as a human. Maybe a little more, to support her particular… physiology.
Don’t look at me like that, as far as you know I’m talking about the tail.
Shut it. We’re agreed, mermaid in C. Next one is pretty obvious. Neko, Inu, Kitsune. I’m lumping these together because they’re basically the same, anyway.
Yeah, I figured. They’re just generically bangable, yeah? Couldn’t not go in A tier. Nothing much to say, there. Let’s move on to harpies. I’m gonna say it: smash.
No, no, think about it. She’s got wings, the feathers are gonna be soft, she’s probably pretty athletic from flying around all day, she doesn’t have a beak or anything crazy, I’m not seeing the downside here.
Okay, I’m hearing a lot about birds, but harpies aren’t birds. They’re bird girls. Surely the human half would win out over some of the more… grotesque avian instincts. She’d be clean.
That’s… all right, look, mermaid went in C tier, and that debate was basically the same. C for harpy?
Fantastic, I can live with it also. Maybe we’ll come back, but for now, how about centaur? Now, personally, I’d be willing to try, but I can understand why you might be… somewhat reluctant.
I- ooh, yeah. Either way that goes, it’s not so good for you. I’m guessing you want D tier?
All right, F feels a little excessive. Consider the human half.
Look, I know you’re thinking about it. There’s gotta be some way to make it work, right?
Really? Adamant on that? Well, I’m putting her in D tier anyway. Still not great, but at least I’m willing to try.
Oh, shush, it’s my tier list. You get input when you’re not wrong.
Uh, excuse me, we’ve established that my opinions are the objectively correct ones here. On to dragon girls!
Umm… yes? Dragon in human form, with just a few draconic features. Horns, probably wings, a few patches of scales-
Damn, that was forceful. S tier, then?
I’m gonna have to agree. She’s a dragon. We should all aspire to be Donkey.
I mean, I’m sure there’s a lot of reasons that sums up, I’m just not taking the time to elaborate on them at the moment. “She’s a dragon” is enough for me.
I concur. Now, what haven’t we gone though… Hmm, lamia, arachne, mermaid, neko, inu, kitsune, harpy, centaur, dragon…
Ooh, that’s a good one! Succubus. Well, not sure she exactly counts as a monster girl, but close enough. And all right, since you asked first, I think I’m gonna say pass.
Excuse me, I happen to like my soul where it is. It might be beat-up and dingy, but it’s mine, dammit.
Okay, no, obviously if she didn’t take my soul, automatic S tier. I mean, come on, an actual demon of lust? Hell, yeah- literally! But she probably takes my soul. Most versions of succubi I’ve read about do this thing.
We’re not talking about the books I read, we’re talking about the monster. And look, I assume you like your soul, too?
As I thought. So how about a compromise? Since she’s a conditional smash, B tier?
C is what we went with for the previous compromises, yeah, but come on. I don’t need my soul that badly.
Wonderful! B it is. In the vein of succubus, how about a vampire?
How dare you. Imagine relegating a Dark Lady, Mistress of the Night, all-powerful vampire Queen to “spicy human.”
No, I know you’re not wrong! That’s the worst part!
Look, A tier, that’s my final offer. Take it or leave it.
Good, then.
God, what’s left? I feel like we’ve run through a lot. Oh! We did vampire, we have to do werewolf, yeah? Smash or pass.
As I figured. No matter how the shapeshifting works, she always at least has a human form, and I’d bet quite a lot that headpats and “good girl” carry over.
Well I know I’d like ‘em, whichever form I was in, if that helps.
Hey hey hey, calm down there. We need to finish this list without any werewolf-related distractions, come on.
I told you, I require a visual aid! For soapboxing! So I’ll have to write all this down… later. Eh, I’ll do it later. I probably won’t forget. Now, what other kinds of monster are there? Slime? Have we done slime?
Ah, perfect.
…I’m gonna say no, not an acidic one. I would’ve thought that’d be obvious, but I understand why you felt you had to ask. Nothing melty, just slime.
Really? Still that low? You don’t think it’d feel good at all?
Okay, so it’d be a little messy. Whatever! It couldn’t be that bad to clean up.
…Why do you know that.
No no no, why do you know how hard this situation would be to… sanitize? Inquiring minds want to know. I’m very curious.
All right… but we’re coming back to that later. I will find out what secrets you’re keeping from me about sticky things.
Of course I will. But later. A lot of things, later. So, D tier? You sure?
All right, fair enough. I had some other ideas, but nothing super relevant in that context. In that kind of vein, though… eldritch.
No, no, consider: tentacles.
You’re not considering hard enough. Tentacles.
Keep thinking about it, it’ll grow on you.
I- all right, yes, my mind might collapse into madness, but that’s supposed to happen anyway if it’s good enough, right?
{laughing} All right, all right, kidding! Put that down!
Menacing me with a pillow is rude, I hope you know. So I take it you’re not a fan of insanity?
Yeah… I suppose if you can’t enjoy it, there’s no point.
Really? F tier?
Okay, I can see that. I suppose we needed something in there, anyway. And that’s pretty good, fourteen monsters and only one in F? Sounds pretty objectively correct to me.
This is the only time Princess Bride quotes aren’t applicable, honey. Don’t you dare.
…You said it. You weren’t supposed to say it.
Take it back, I absolutely know what I’m talking about! Do I need to soapbox you first? I’ll harangue if I have to. Are you prepared for that, you unwashed mass, you?
Hey hey hey! That was not the time for a dirty joke, I- ohhhh. Okay. I’ll admit, that’s clever. Never do it again, but it was clever.
Wait, wha- what now?
Uh, lamia and dragon were the only two, I think, why?
Whaddya mean, “make me feel like one of them,” I’m not particularly reptilian?
I- wait, what? I’m not sure I count as S tier…
Wait, how could you- OH-

Image of finished product
Ok so, I've been getting older, and more and more noticing that long CAD sessions will give me a bit of a tingle in my fingers, and I'm doing all the exercise and stretching and getting up and walking, but it's a lot to manage, so I thought I should do something I feel like I've always wanted to do, which is build a custom CAD control attachment for my chair, so I cut out all the leaning forward, or at least I can still CAD without pain when I need the back support/rest.
Anyway so I started looking into how to do it, and I was surprised to find a pretty simple way, that required a bit of work on my part. And as I was doing this, I realised that all the work I'd done would make it pretty easy for someone to replicate this, so here's how I did it:
DISCLAIMER: To get everything to work, I had to do some not-so-secure stuff like enabling depreciated software functionality, and allowing this open source software to operate without uBlock and other security and control extensions. I don't know what the risk is of doing this, but I'm willing to take the risk because it's really valuable to me, and super cool)
Step 1: buy cheap QMK enabled macro Pad
Step 2: Get Macro Pad working with Via
This step was probably the hardest so I'm listing out detailed instructions here:

• Open Via
• Enable the design tab
• Download the .JSON file for the EK21 USB connection from here
• Unzip the file somewhere, keep track of it.
• Check the 'Use V2 Definitions (depreciated)
• Connect the EK21 macro pad via USB cable (you can do it with the 2.4Ghz receiver, but I didn't trust it enough to start with it)
• You'll need to stop uBlock origin, PrivacyBadger, any extension that might interfere with Via connecting to the keypad
• Pair with the Via webapp
• At this point you should see this interface in Via

Step 3: Macro hookup:

• So, this was by far the hardest (well, not super hard, just tedious) part, and I don't want to describe every step of the process, so instead I'm linking the .JSON file from my layout, which you can use as a starting point and modify as you see fit, and also my Excel sheet, where I tracked the connections between my chosen layout on the macropad back to Solidworks.
• The Solidworks keyboard shortcut registry file can be found here If you want to just copy my layout. if you want to make your own, copy the excel file, and modify the values there (don't forget to TRACK IT) (WARNING! Loading up this settings file will likely overwrite any shortcuts you might have defined earlier. I didn't remove any of the defaults, I think, but not sure)
• Hopefully, you can get this working faster than I was able to, with those files and that excel sheet.
• For those of y'all who want to map this completely custom, you need to map each key of the macropad to either a macro, or a less-used key or symbol which you can then use in SW. Some keys won't show up in SW (like "\" for example). characters like !@#$ etc will show up as Shift+1, Shift+2.. and so on in the Solidworks shortcut assignment interface

Step 4: Printing icon labels This is also something I wanted to have be real nice, so I went the extra mile to get all the icons (I got them by enabling the largest icons in Solidworks, and also by scaling the display of my apps up to 225, so I could get crisp screencaps of the icons. The ones I grabbed and cleaned up for my layout can be found here. I cleaned the icons all in Powerpoint btw. super quick n dirty.
I used glue-on-a-strip but you can use double sided tape or whatever you want I guess.
Anyway, I hope this helps someone else because I was overjoyed to know that a completely custom macro pad for Solidworks was only $39 and a day's worth of work away!
Links:

• Project folder with all the files
• Imgur Album with all the images

Re: my post from last night--Thanks to everyone who told me to fuck right off. I did fuck right off, and I quickly felt much better. I might fuck off even more.
PS sorry for the double post on that; Reddit did me cold dirty.

First of course is the Captain, Thunderclap Raiba. He is a Wolf mink with the Inu Inu no mi: Mythical Type Model: Raiju. This naturally gives a large buff to his natural abilities. In fact, his natural synergy with his fruit is so great, he's naturally stronger than any other user of the fruit in history. His Signature move is 雷竜の猛牙 (thunder dragon's savage fang), where he forms the top and bottom of a wolves head made of lightning in each hand, then brings them together for a vicious tearing attack
After a extreme battle before the timeskip, Raiba accidently utilized his hybrid form and Sulong at the same time. Due to his natural synergy, the two powers became one, giving Raiba the power of Sulong at any time. Its more than just Sulong tho, it also has his arms covered in scales in reference to the draconic part of the raiju
Next Is Raiba's trusty First commander, Acid Blood Leore. Like his close childhood friend, Leore has his own highly synergistic DF. the Neko Neko no mi :Mythical Type Model: Manticore
Leore's Signature move is 酸性洪水が燃える雨 (Acid flood burning rain), where he launches a barrage of needles from his fur, all covered in the incredibly strong acid that makes up his blood
Next is the Helmsman and Second Commander, Stormshell Hōnenga. They have the Kaze Kaze no mi, a powerful logia that allows him to generate, control, and turn his body into wind. He is a turtlefolk, a race distantly connected to the fishmen that were almost entirely wiped out by the WG due to them being well known historians with knowledge of the void century. His signature move is 鉄の疾風激突弾丸 (Iron Gale Crashing Bullet), where he tucks into his shell, summons a tornado arround himself, and uses the momentum to fire himself like a cannonball (if your asking how he aims, observation haki)
The most complex of the group is the crews Rigger ,Blacksmith, And Third Commander, The Bandit of Heaven and Hell, Despro. He wields the absolutely bonkers Hito Hito No Mi, Mythical Type: Nephalem, Giving him the power of a angel and a demon
Despro's Abilities actually work slightly different than most users of the fruit. while normaly the weilder has the power to control a form of dark and light energy, Despro's manifest as fire due to his lunarian heritage. His angel form is achevied by focusing on \"Holy\" emotions like justice, love, and calmness. In angel form, he gains a large increase in speed and its holy flame can both burn enemies and heal allies, at the cost of it being far less destructive than his other forms
Feelings of hate, rage, and overall malice activates his Despro's demon form. In his demon form, Despro gains a significant increase in strength and durability, but the form lacks any real complex skills like the angel forms healing. The main power comes from his demon flames, a powerful dark fire that burns away any that dare face him, acting similarly to sasukes amatarasu from naruto, only stopping by either despro dispelling the flames, despro losing the form, or applying sea water or seastone to the flame.
By balancing feelings of both sides into a righteous fury, a anger fueled by a desire for justice, Despro unleashes his full power. As you can imagine, this form grants all the powers and strength of both previous forms, except even stronger. Normally this power would put despro far above his captain's fruit, but Raiba's natural connection with his fruit makes their power far closer than it would normally be. His signature move is 聖なる業火の二重燃焼 (sacred hellfire dual burning), an attack that launches a massive spiral wave of his two fires.
Finally past Despro, next comes the crew's navigator, Iron Rabbit Usio. A skilled user of black leg, his horns are a result of his DF, the Usa Usa no mi model: jackalope. its far from a complex fruit, it essentially just gives him choppers horn point, as well as increased leg strength and speed. His signature move is 月を割る鉄の足 (Moon cracking iron foot) where he jumps insanely high into the air, and comes crashing down with a haki infused axe kick.
https://preview.redd.it/b0ugwaxxbg5d1.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&s=b9ebd0dc78ab70d44e84789014af3ac99ce753f2
Next up is the teams Wotan Doctor, Iron Giant Hev. While Hev is strong and durable, he's far from the most skilled fighter on the team, his style is focused on keeping enemies from overwhelming his team. Such is clear with his signature move 鉄壁の警備担当 (Iron wall guarding charge), where he sprints at full speed towards any attackers.
Another teammate, another mythical zoan. Now we got the lookout of the crew, Iron Wing Avrial. He wields the mythical Tori Tori no mi, Model: Stymphalian Bird. This grants him a set of bronze colored wings made of razor sharp metal feathers he can use in many different ways. His main use of his feathers is his signature technique 斬撃鋼羽弾幕 (Slashing steel feather barrage) where he takes flight and rains down his feathers down towards the enemy. The feathers also make for solid shields and thanks to the immense heat of Despro's fire, his fallen feathers can be forged into weapons like his signature double edged spear and the bolts of his crossbow.
With all these DF users, the crew needs some more members that can prevent them from drowning, so here is their Quartermaster and Boatswain, The Monster of Land and Sea: Arnaq. Arnaq is Sea Mink who's design takes inspiration from the ahklut of inuit folklore. He's undoubtably one of the more serious members of the crew, very no nonsense. His signature move is 轟音月の潮汐衝突 (roaring moon tidal crash) a powerful technique of sea mink jujustu that has him launch towards the target with a massive tidal wave, able to wipe out huge groups of fighters.
Next is one of the Crew's Bounty Hunters and resident survival specialist, : The Huntress Of Icecap Mountain: Hyōkaze. Hyōkaze wields the mythical Ita Ita no Mi: Model: Kamaitachi. This grants her incredible speed and agility in base, but the real power comes from her hybrid form
Hyōkaze's Hybrid form grants insane agility and claws sharper than any blade (not really), though its real kicker is the power to create two physical copies, allowing for high speed rushdown attacks from multiple angles. Such is the nature of her signature move イタチ三匹 : 冷気斬り風の弾幕 (weasels three : chill slashing wind barrage) having all three versions dash and slash from every single angle, making for a blindingly fast attack that is sure to leave a mark.
Lastly is the Crews other Bounty hunter and Stealth Specialist, The Lord of Venom Dokuba. He weilds the very interesting Taso Taso no Mi: Mythical Model: Omukade. His power gives him a sturdy exoskeleton and a powerful venom that he coats his deadly chain whip with.
Dokuba's Hybrid form unleashes the power of the monster centipede (sadly heroforge dosnt have the parts i need, just pretend the snake lower half is more like the body of a centipede). This form gives his venom a boost, and the ability to crawl on walls with his many legs. His signature move is オムカデウィップ 地獄篇 (omukade whip: Hell's arc) a large swing of his lower half, covered in venom covered spines. if the move dosnt just split the target in two, the venom aint gonna feel good (its nowhere near as deadly as the venom from the doku doku no mi, but it causes unbelievable pain)

Note: Info on monetization and all that jazz: An Introduction To The Book That Is Me : ASMRScriptHaven (reddit.com)
Note: My library: Masterlist for edgiscript : ASMRScriptHaven (reddit.com)
Part 1: [F4M] Please Believe I Love You [Yandere?] [Bully Ties You And Tries To Convince You She Loves You] [Current Bully Is Your Future Wife] : ASMRScriptHaven (reddit.com)

Part 2

(Fireplace ambiance.)
Girl: Good morning, dear. Did you sleep all right? I know you’re still tied up. Or is it considered tied down?
What am I saying? It doesn’t matter. The important part is how did you sleep?
(Pause.)
Good. I’m glad.
(Long awkward pause as nothing is said.)
Um… I, uh… I made some breakfast. French toast with butter and maple syrup, and with plenty of bacon on the side. I was going to make some eggs over easy too, but I didn’t know when you’d wake up and they don’t taste as good cold. I could make some now if you want.
(Pause.)
Yes. I know it’s your favorite.
(Pause.)
Wait, honey, before you struggle any further with your thoughts, I know how strange and difficult and flat-out crazy this all is. And you’ve just woken up. Why don’t we wait to say anything more until you’ve eaten? Ok?
(Pause.)
Yes, I’m not naked anymore. I put on a shirt. I was a little chilly. Sorry. Would it make you feel more comfortable if I took it off again? I want to make sure you know I’m still not pranking you.
(Pause.)
(Confused.) I’m sorry? How would my being naked keep you from using the bathroom?
(Suddenly realizing.) Oh. Ohhhhhhh. Nope, I get it. (Smiling.) Yes, well, we can’t have that, now can we?
(Soft laugh.) Ok, then I shall remain clothed at least until you’ve had a chance to… well, you know.
(Pause.)
Yes, you can’t do that all tied up. I had a thought about that. Or rather, I prepared for that. Here.
(Optional moving of a chain and a click.)
I’ve attached this chain to your leg which is attached to that steel beam over there. It’s long enough that you can pretty much go anywhere inside the cabin. You won’t be able to change your pants while it’s on, so try not to get them dirty.
Let me untie you now so you can use the facilities.
(Pause.)
(Somberly.) Yes, I’ve considered that. You might try to overpower me this way and then find the key that will set you free.
Are you going to?
(Pause.)
(Softly.) Thank you.
There, you’re untied. Go ahead.
(Optional footsteps and a door opening. Then footsteps after a pause.)
I’m here, at the kitchen table. Please, have a seat.
(Optional footsteps and sounds of a chair being moved to sit in it.)
Please, eat. I’ve also prepared a glass of milk, a glass of orange juice, and a glass of V8. I wasn’t sure which one you’d prefer today. You tend to rotate between those three. Sometimes you’ll throw in grape juice or apple juice for a change of pace.
(Pause.)
Nope. No coffee. You hate it. It’s too bitter. You tried… or rather, you do try in college to learn to like coffee since you’re going to spend a lot of time staying up and studying and black coffee is fairly cheap, but after a week of suffering through it, you decide that it’s not worth trying to make yourself like something you detest so much.
(Pause.)
No, you don’t find tea disgusting, you just find it bland. Any “hot tea” tastes like warm water to you. You used to smile at me and tell me that I was the only “hottie” you enjoyed. (Soft laugh.)
You like sweetened iced tea, but you prefer Arnold Palmers, tea and lemonade together. You used to guzzle colas of all types, but you discovered… I’m sorry, you will discover five years from now that the caffeine addiction is really getting to you, so you stop.
(Pause.)
Yes, it’s a little difficult for me trying to wrap my head around what has happened versus what will happen and when.
And I have to acknowledge the fact that my being here like this changes what I know to be true, so everything I say about anything that hasn’t happened yet to you might not turn out to be true now.
Wait, does this mean you believe me? That I’m from the future?
(Pause.)
No, no. That’s fair. Believing that I believe it isn’t the same as believing it’s real. I could really be crazy.
To be even more fair, the technology that brought me here was experimental when I used it thirty years from now.
(Soft laugh of incredulity.) “When I used it thirty years from now.” It does sound completely insane, doesn’t it? I never thought I’d be mixing past tense with future tense like that and believing that it made sense.
(Pause.)
You’re right. It’s right out of a science fiction novel. If you think this is difficult to believe, consider it from my point of view. It’s possible that it didn’t work and that my brain was fried in the attempt. In reality, it could be that I’m still lying in a bed somewhere. I’m a vegetable that’s just locked away in a coma dreaming about all of this.
But, here’s the thing, if that’s the case, I don’t want to wake up. I love you. I love you and I’ve missed you so much. Being here with you right now, sitting next to you at the breakfast table, staring into your glowing eyes, being able to reach out like this and hold your hand again, (Tearing up.) it’s exactly where I want to be. If this is a dream, then I never want to wake up. I can’t be without you again. I just can’t.
(Pause while both are quiet.)
Do you… do you at least believe… that I love you?
(Pause.)
No, don’t apologize. I do understand. As sincere as I sound, my story is still a little hard to accept.
(Pause.)
No, I can’t take off the chain. If you left… (Breaking down.) If I lost you again for any reason…
(Composing herself.) Well, let’s not go there right now, ok?
(Sniffles. Wipes the tears from her eyes and moves on calmly.) So, where do we go from here?
(Pause.)
Ok, yeah, that’s a good idea. I’ll start from the beginning.
(Deep breath.) Well, you already know what’s happened so far. You and I at each other’s throats, back and forth.
You and I continue fighting and bullying one another for the rest of our senior year and then even on for a couple of years after that. We then each go our separate ways and, long story short, we meet up again ten years later and reconcile.
(Pause.)
You’re right. You deserve more than the short version.
Truth is, I went to therapy and got counseling. I didn’t know why I was obsessing over you so much. Why you drove me to act the way I did.
I found that I was attacking you when I was younger… or, you know, younger to me, but right now to you… because I had a crush on you and didn’t know how else to express it.
(Pause.)
Yeah, that’s the simple way of putting it.
Most of the male role models in my life left me in some way. I had a brother who was twelve years older than me. I loved him so much, but he graduated high school when I was just entering first grade. He got married and moved across the country. I only saw him a couple of times after that.
A childhood friend I’d had for two years suddenly decided he wanted to bully me and push me around and so I stopped playing with him.
Even my father… he died when I was eleven.
(Pause.)
Thank you for saying that. I know you lost your parents too when you were young.
Anyway, it all adds up to the fact that I… I liked you when I met you. Our first few days of knowing each other and hanging around were great.
(Pause.)
Good, I’m glad you thought so too.
(Pause.)
Yes. That’s right. I started acting out against you, for no reason. My therapist said it was because I was imposing upon you every angry or bitter feeling I’d had towards every man I’d ever loved in my life.
Something within me snapped. Every man I’ve ever loved left me in some way. Whether they’d changed, met someone, or… or even died, I started lashing out at you because… because you were kind and sweet and nice, and because… I liked you.
Apparently, it was because you were so wonderful that I started hating you. Something within me jumped ahead to the inevitable point where you’d betray me or hurt me in some way by leaving me, and I started to treat you like you’d already left me.
And I’m sorry for that. I explained this once and apologized before, but I’ll do it again. And I know I haven’t explained it to you, the you of right now. I explained this to you, like, ten years from now, when we reconciled.
(Pause.)
Yes. That’s exactly what happened. You were very sweet and understanding. You forgave me. We started hanging out. First it was because I wanted to make it up to you for all of the terrible things I’d done to you, and you were going along with it to make me feel better. But then you really started to like being with me. We became friends, then the closest of friends, then lovers, then we married, and then…
(Pause.)
Yes. You did… leave me.
(Pause.)
(Slowly getting sadder with the remembering.) No. It was just one of those things. It wasn’t some exotic disease or cancer or anything like that. We thought you’d just caught a cold. But you ended up with double pneumonia, you were in intensive care for a few days… and then you were gone.
(Pause. Listener is speaking while girl is crying, but trying not to.)
No, it wasn’t your fault. I did know that. I was… hurt. I was angry. But not with you. I wanted to blame the universe. I wanted to blame fate. But in the end, I realized that the person who deserved all of the blame… was me.
I was so sure that I was going to be hurt, that I kept myself from the greatest love I had ever known, for years. We could have been together all this time. I could have loved you right now instead of blaming you for something that hadn’t happened yet and then wasn’t your fault when it did happen.
So, when the technology was invented, I volunteered to be a test subject, because I so desperately wanted to correct the errors I made with you. Because I so wanted to hold you in my arms again and tell you how much I loved you. How much I still love you.
(Pause.)
Please, say something. I know it’s all so difficult to believe, but it’s the absolute truth. I really am back from the future, your future, and I really do love you with all of my heart.
(Pause.)
Isn’t it obvious? I tied you up and brought you here because you never would have believed me if I, your bully, had approached you with this story. I needed time to get it all out. I needed you to listen to the whole thing. I thought if I had you at my mercy and did nothing harmful to you but treated you with love and showed you how I feel, that would help you believe me.
And, admittedly, I missed you so much. I love you so much. I couldn’t be without you any longer. So, yes, it was a little selfish. I’ll be honest with you about that. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do if you didn’t believe me and kept hating me. Was I going to keep you here all of your life? Or would I just… give up… on everything?
(Pause.)
Yes, we were trying to have a child. It hadn’t worked in our first two months after getting married, but we weren’t stressing it. We thought we had plenty of time.
(Pause.)
Erin. We would have named our child Erin. E R I N if it was a girl and A A R O N if it was a boy. After your grandmother, Erin, who raised you after your parents died. That was non-negotiable. You demanded that be the name of our first child.
(Listener pushes his chair back.)
What are you doing? Why do you want me stand? Is there something…
(Long, deep kiss.)
(Tears of joy.) My love. Does this mean…
(Kiss.)
(For the rest of the script, girl is happy, but still crying and sniffling. I’ll let you determine how you want to do it, but that’s her general attitude.)
Whoa. You’re picking me up. Where are we going?
The bedroom? But you haven’t finished eating your…
(Kiss.)
Ok, I’ll shut up. My love. You just want to lay down and hold me like you couldn’t do when you were tied up. Of course. Whatever you want. Anything. You name it and it’s yours.
(Pause.)
Oh, no. I think I’m still going to tie you up tonight and for several nights.
(Pause.)
No, I don’t think you’ll try to run away from me. But you were so damn cute all tied up like that.
(Laughs.) You want to tie me too? Well, maybe we’ll just have to take turns.
(Kiss.)
Oh, my love, hold me. Please, just hold me.
You’re back. You’re back and you’re mine again. We have our whole lives to be with each other. And I want to spend all of it right here in your arms.

Was hoping for a clean 100 souls but have 75 instead. Maybe the last 25 can be filled with other DM's/Party's ideas/adventures. I like something unfinished, honestly.
There's some obvious influence/thievery from OSR heavy hitters in here but I've attempted to keep it at a minimum just to inch my way to a clean 75 since 100 is proving troublesome. And honestly I've forgotten where some of these stolen/restructured ideas have come from. Feel free to credit link any so others can know their great works.
(e.g. P. Stuart, D. Selle, Coins and Scrolls, Goblin Punch, Vivien Feasson, S. Princess, Z. Cox/B. Brown, B. Milton, L. Rejec, P. Nilsson)
I doubt all the aforementioned are present in this list but I just wanna cover bases and/or call out incredible minds and effort in the hobby who I've really enjoyed. Call out any unlisted if you please. Credit where credit is due.
Edit: Whoof, formatting again
Edit 2: Cant change some numeration here it seems. Sub-traits are counted as independent entries. Italicized and emboldened sub-traits to help differentiate.
The Stilletto of The Imperator Scum (Trident)
On an (un)natural 20, consume a soul randomly from the table activating its effect, removing it from the table permanently
On a (un)natural 1, the target dies immediately and is resurrected as an undead. Pores on its body explode with rapid growth fungus and it’s health, and spell slots if applicable, are restored to their maximums. Their soul then becomes one with The Stiletto and is added to the table.
Soul of the…:

1. Ardent Giant - +2d6 dmg. to your attacks towards the target. Change the weather to which you desire
2. Befouler - target fucking stinks, if within 15ft Con. Sav 12 every round to keep from vomiting.
3. Gnarled Oak - that target lives the life of a tree in an instant. Witnessing love of child and pet. They see the first kiss of young love with the tip of the blade within their trunk declaring theirs eternal. They bear the burden of parenthood, choked with a child’s swing. The same swing their groom or bride will swing on, in remembrance, decades later. A generation of someones else’s life wears on them in the span of seconds. T
   1. Take 1d4 dmg. from the blade
   2. -2 Wis. as the dog pisses on them (1min duration)
   3. 3d8 dmg. as their branches are cut for a treehouse
   4. They will fall asleep in winter temperatures unable to wake up
   5. As long as their corpse touches soil they will resurrect in unspecified time
   6. If the target is killed within a city (soil or not) they will die sobbing with such penetrating sobbing. Within a mile radius, it lowers all CHA and WIS scores within range by 2 for 24hrs.
4. Devil - the target’s eyes wash with color and your reflection is upside down. They provide you a contract/offer that is too good to pass up. You literally can’t resist it but it’s also a really great deal. Other than the fact that your soul is lost at failure of completion. Unless the killing blow dealt to the Devil is holy damage, they arrive at The Nine Hells to bide their time before they continue their cursed bargains upon the mortal realm.
5. Claviger - The target is compelled to open the nearest door. If not the door, then box/barrel, chest, bag, pocket. Consume their next action. If the object doesn't open, spend each preceding action until it does.
6. Scion of the Slithering Soil - the target embodies the nameless soul of a god-fearing priest of Mi-Shao-Shur. Dedicated fully to Serpentine Ascension by committing acts of gratuitous depravity. They become a beacon for the resurrection of Mi-Shao-Shur by consuming their own flesh, restoring their health to its maximum. Revealing underneath their now-true serpentine forms. Their intelligence increases by 4 and from their mouths can cast the Poison Spray cantrip. The target can now communicate with nearby creatures and convince them to do their bidding.
7. Exploding Toad - target explodes. Dex Sav 13 or take 5d6 fire dmg.
8. Dwarf - target becomes one. Genderless. Immune to all compulsions that play on a desire for sex. No sexual organs. Instead of urinating you excrete waste through sweating, explaining the odor.
9. Tahlia - the target’s soul becomes trapped on the most worthless item on their person that isn’t a weapon or armor. Their body begins to thrash and scream mindlessly. Bodies are full of life and feelings but suffer the penultimate separation anxiety from the soul. The terrified shell will attempt to consume the item worth most to someone nearby with supernatural capacity. If they do so, your item is lost forever and the target becomes whole once more, restoring full health.
10. PorteBasin Filler - Nothing satiates the target’s desire to serve, will seek out more and more challenging tasks for such a talented valet
11. Abhorrer - target is unable to be targeted with any malice. The hate within you boils still but physically you are unable to be anything but be cordial and polite to the target. The creature knows every law and obeys them. It will use the law (if there is any) to destroy you.
12. Cannibal Critic - target is no longer able to communicate in normal language. Of their cursed race the target can only howl bestial war cries of generic criticism. And hastily consume flesh. Successfully answering a question can cause the target to pause and grunt in reflection before screaming another random question.
    1. WHAT’S THE MESSAGE
    2. WHAT DOES IT MEAN
    3. IS IT IRONIC
    4. IS IT KITSCH
    5. DON’T YOU FIND IT PROBLEMATIC
13. Dragonborn - If the dmg. dealt is to a non-dragonborn creature then the creature takes dmg. from their innate breath weapon, held within glands of which no non-dragonborn is prepared. 6d6 acid and poison dmg as their insides boil with draconic bile.
14. Gargoyle - FUCK BIIIIIRRRRRRRRDSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
15. Duergar - roll a d2 to Enlarge/Reduce target. Acquire sensitivity to sunlight regardless.
16. Untermensch - the target’s muscles atrophy and their mind begins to falter as all of their ability scores reduce to 8. If one of their scores is less than 8 it does not rise to 8. Apply a -2 mod. to every dice rolled. The only thing of which they can be relied upon is to either fail or clumsily execute every task.
17. Drow - target adheres to a woman’s word almost unwillingly and acquires sensitivity to sunlight. Incessantly mutters consequence for someone under their breath for whom they despise.
18. Githzerai - target casts Plane Shift unwittingly on self.
19. Bedlam Bird - The target knows when it is being looked at. The target loses all alliances and registers as “Evil” to spells and senses that detect such. It is compelled to commit pranks that are utterly fucked.
20. Wizard - Your weapon moves through the air at your exact command. Gains Antimagic Susceptibility. Lasts 2 min.
21. Azer - The target’s head ignites, it’s skull a torchlight shining bright light in a 15ft radius and dim light for an additional 10ft. It cannot be put out with water. The target takes 1d8 per round for 3 rounds.
22. Banshee - the target casts Wail. All within 30 ft. (including target) Con sav 13 or drop to 0 HP. On a success 3d6 psychic dmg. After the Wail, the target goes mute as their vocal cords are stretched to leather and can only emit a poor whine if exhaustion.
23. Androsphinx - The target’s body explodes and from within erupts a Heroes’ Feast. The depleted carcass turning into a gorgeous royal table spread.
24. Basilisk - Bestowed upon the target is a basilisk’s Petrifying Gaze.
25. Revenant - The target will rise as a Revenant 48 hrs after it’s death for the one who killed it.
26. Cat - The target has to be killed 8 more times.
27. Eigengrau - The target loses all memories from the last 24 hours
28. Zoanthrop - Target strips naked. Immune to all mind altering effects.
29. Wizard Hunter - Do you cast spells? You’re FUCKED.
30. Wild Magic Sorcerer - Roll 3 times on the Wild Magic table. All within 60ft radius are affected by the wild magic emanating from the target
31. Unseen Servant - Target turns invisible. Acts upon every command you give to it flawlessly. Limited only by its ability scores (they don’t change). Loses ability to speak or think for itself. Will not be around whenever you wake up from your next period of sleep.
32. Nabassu - target acquires a soul stealing gaze, anyone to look at the target must make a DC 16 Cha saving throw or reduce its maximum hit points by 13 permanently
33. Giant Squid - the target, upon this successful attack and when panicked or fleeing, squirts copious amounts of ink from their eyes, nose and mouth. Mixed with blood because that’s not supposed to happen, 1d8 dmg. with each use
34. Werewolf - the target shreds their outer layer of skin revealing blood soaked fur underneath, taking the form of a werewolf and using a werewolf’s stats, with their skin they also shed any physical and mental conditions
35. Gazer - the target gains the Gazer’s ability to mimic any simple sounds of speech in any language, with the target’s weak eyes it casts Dazing Ray and Fear Ray on itself and collapses into a depressive slump on the floor, screaming in fear in the last voice it heard, unable to flee
36. Virgin - the target becomes the crucial object in the ritual of the nearest carnal, gluttonous, murderous or heretical cult for their petty god, monster or demon of chosen worship. What will their death summon?
37. Nupperibo - the target acquires an insatiable hunger consuming any organic material within reach and easy enough to chew if no living opponent is within 30 ft. If the target attacks or is attacked by a living mortal then it can track that opponent flawlessly as it hungers for its flesh. Greater meals or death will cause it to leave you alone
38. Phoenix - the target explodes and each creature within 60ft must make a DC20 dex save, taking 4d10 fire damage on a failed save, or half as much on a successful one. The explosion destroys the target's body and leaves behind an egg shaped cinder that weighs 5 pounds. The cinder is lukewarm seeing as the target isn’t an actual phoenix. It is not immune to anything seeing as the target isn’t an actual phoenix. After 1d6 days, it hatches into an infant of whatever race the target was.
39. Oblex - target becomes amorphous if it isn’t already. Unfamiliar with it’s new form the target slumps into a pile of ooze unable to move, eat or breathe.
40. Gauth - the target begins to float into the air uncontrollably. With fewer eyes than the Gauth the target is blessed with only Pushing Ray and Sleep Ray, both of which it casts on itself, as it floats snoring into the clouds
41. Bullywug - the target becomes so repulsive that nature itself will reward you for its demise. If or when the target is killed you are healed to your maximum and your Con. increases by 1. It will be difficult though, because the target can talk to frogs and loves lording their power over you and has absolutely no shame. They immediately give themselves a shitty title that means nothing and will love talking about how every swamp ever is theirs to rule. Oh and they fucking reek, if you get within 10ft you’ll vomit automatically and uncontrollably
42. Hivemind - the target’s spinal cord vibrates and emits pheromones to call any swarming creatures (rats, insects, birds, etc.) nearby into a frenzy causing them to fall into chaotic bloodlust and whomever the target chooses
43. Modron - the target loses all mercy and remorse and will fight for their current objective even putting their own lives at risk. The target becomes immune to mind-affecting, emotion-affecting, and magic that draws upon the Positive Energy or the Negative Energy plane. You could quell its pursuit if something with 4 sides or more was able to give orders for it to stop.
44. Obliviax - you must make a con. save (DC 12) or else the target eats your memory of the last 24hrs and heals for d20+4 health. If you fail, you also lose 1 spell slot if you have one to lose and forget 1 spell randomly, if you know any, each for 24 hours. If you save they still heal as all they have to eat are things that you know but forgot you knew, like that play you really liked that one time
45. Strandvaskaren - the target is infected with the soul of one who drowned at sea but the waters preserved him in the inch worm gap between life and death and they float neither alive nor dead. The target feels heavy, cold, lungs weak, aware but able to move. The pressure of uncharted waters sits heavy on their chest and their strength is reduced by half rounded down.
46. Impartial Anima - the target solely relies on a pair of wolf bone dice (or another pair of dice if those go missing) to tell them how to make decisions. 1-10 is a no or negative response. 11-20 is a yes or positive response.
47. Adventuring Party - the target grows a magnificent mustache as steel armor sprouts from their skin and their hands glow with arcane magicks. Their pockets grow fat with religious symbols as a toddler’s diaper would when it’s stomach is upset. Or when it’s angry. Or even flirty. You sense a celestial presence hover over them as they grip their newly found sword and bow they are obviously skilled at using. You thought you had a fair amount of gold to possibly bribe them with but you realize you walk with a lighter step and at their feet your valuable currency lies in a burlap sack
48. Seraphim - the target knows nothing but their own feelings and nothing worth nothing ever came out of a book. The only true things, now, are feelings. Anyone who attempts to attack it must save or hesitate in it’s presence. The environment around the target begins to convert into things beautiful and pure. Roll d4
49. All metal within 50ft turns to gold
50. The target bleeds from sacred stigmata and the blood turns to rose petals as it falls
51. Grows wings and if already winged they are instead, actually, held aloft by a flock of doves
52. They lose their clothing and double in size as their skin turns alabaster white and they wear only a ribbon
53. Animated Barrel - the target attempts to grapple the nearest opponent and once successful begins to throw itself against walls, down stairs and out windows; enjoying the process. The target takes half damage while the opponent grappled takes double.
54. Panther - the target speaks all languages and becomes evil (if not already), honorable and utterly merciless. Will chat up it’s victims or give them a head start before murdering them.
55. Djinn - the target is imprisoned in the nearest vessel and must do their best to fulfill 3 requests for the one who frees them. They are given no additional power to accomplish this.
56. Barnyard Chimera - the target's head bends backwards horrifically making room for it to grow the heads of a cow, pig and goat. It grows the tails of a goose that spews blinding shit. When killed it splits open, spilling out 3d6 featherless, bloody chickens with red eyes and sharp talons. It runs on malformed horse legs speaking but only repetitious mindless phrases. "How about that weather, huh?" "Well, let's finish up and then have supper." "Aw hell, she's coming out breech."
57. Psychopomp - the target will become a guide/beacon for one of the hostile souls devoured by The Imperator Scum resurrecting it and freeing it from the trident.
58. Bell Dragger - the target is imbued with the soul of a wronged martyr. Their eyes go sickly white and they walk on their hands and knees dragging them to bloody stumps. Solely focused on the path to the afterlife, they will forever crawl until they find it. But Bell Draggers are both the summoners and chariot horses for death’s arrival. She will arrive soon.
59. Watch Lark - the target blooms a random amount of additional eyes all across their face above the nose. They can see through thick foliage and thin walls and all attacks have disadvantage on them as they always see you coming. Disadvantage against being blinded.
60. Remorhaz - the target’s stomach bubbles a heated secretion that spills from their mouth. The heat from both their mouth and body is strong enough to melt any nonmagical metals. 2d20 dmg. for every turn spent within 5ft of them. The bile is useful to alchemists in making heat related magical items. The target also becomes highly resistant to magic.
61. Arolohnso, Petty God of Labyrinths - the target using 3 fingers on each hand encircles themself drawing angular, snaking lines in the soil around them. Creating an elaborate maze of which they are the end. The borders drawn become invisible, impenetrable walls that protect them from all things but protect the target of their wrath from nothing. To reach the target, and make them vulnerable, you must draw a line through their maze solving it.
62. White Lion - the target becomes a Queen/King of a fallen kingdom. No serfs nor servants to pretend to care for them. They’re safer now than they’ve ever been (at least from the dangers of someone else’s hands). Their name and legend and royal blood is all lost to a land that has no gods nor masters any longer. Roll for effect:
63. They take their life as all of their worth was found in their property. Either by claw, royal dagger or casting themselves off a cliff or into the ocean, etc.
64. Their crimes as Queen/King are unforgivable and heirs to the wronged will appear behind the target and murder them in cold blood
65. The conquering challenger to their name/bloodline appears and disembowels them splashing you with their old, freshly-poor blood. They are an unpersuadable antagonist and the target is a pathetic remnants of a now dead kingdom
66. You are the new Queen/King. To a country side, people and riches unknown. When you find your kingdom your blood will lead you to wine and fresh fruit. The throne will be warm for your arrival. The target feels their royal blood leave them and they become desperate to drink it fresh from your veins to maintain their deific right. Their hostility is doubled.
67. The Whisperer - Trees whisper. The noise is low, tectonic, incomprehensible. Dial tone static bleeding through the vines of the deepest holts and groves. Spirits dance and gather around antler crowned gods who rule the brazen forest. Soft sounds bloom to life. Elves who hear this music sing to it wringing melodies from the resonances of the treesong. The target collapses into a sobbing heap. They are being wrung dry (poetically) from the beauty of the woodsong. When you’ve obtained comprehension of such extravagant, egoless harmonies what petty life squabble is worth donating your energy towards? The target cares not for your childish conflict any longer. They are possessed by the inability to remember the words to such an old song. One they recognize but do not remember. You can’t help them. They are no ally but no enemy. Pain cures all curses of the mind, though. Do not fetter them with continuing aggression lest you help them lose their place. If so, their hostility will quadruple.
68. Brave Explorer - the target has a distaste for the beaten path. So much so that it is unable to repeat any action, starting from this effect, becoming more and more unpredictable over time.
69. Leper - the target’s flesh becomes warped and scaly becoming an offense to your gaze. You can barely look upon them without vomiting on yourself. Unwilling to project your bile in any direction less it crosses your gaze once more. The Target gains expertise on stealth checks both active and passive. DC 14 Con save to resist puking at the sight of them. Once you succeed a check, remain immune to their image for 24 hrs.
70. Antithetical Spirit - the target’s emotional attachment for the world and its inhabitants become reversed to their present disposition. Do they hate you? Now they love you. Do they want to kill you? Now they want to fuck you. Do they want to eliminate everything you love and make you watch? Now they will kill everything you love in tribute to your limitless beauty and knowledge. Careful how you treat people.
71. Chadwick - the target is just...un-fucking-bearable to listen to. When they say your name it feels dirty afterwards and you just want to wash your parent’s mouths after the fact. They go on about bird calls as if they don’t have to take a breath to keep going. The target becomes an energy vampire and drains you of any optimism you have for the day and all you want is for this goon to go back to their home to watch the paint dry and not inform you of the oxygen reacting to the resin causing polymerisation of the paint leading to it’s lack of sheen once it’s settled. The rage in you is that equal to a Berserker and you gain the Frenzy trait. But you also suffer the effects of the Slow spell until you save on a Wis DC 15 at the start of your turn or kill the target.
72. Johann Smiff - the target immediately becomes a stranger to you and anyone who can see them. Their face and identity are so familiar and on the tip of your tongue but sooner to become dismissed as deja vu then remembered. They know who they are. But they are a face in the crowd before anything else to you. The one you knew them to be still exists in your mind but it is certainly not the target. The effect will wear off after the next long rest.
73. Bay Dolphin - saltwater, freshwater, the target can breathe in either and requires one or the other to do so at all. The target remains highly intelligent, as dolphins are, and retains it’s motor skills and muscle memory. The target will rush to find itself a suitable environment to be able to breathe once more, as a blowhole begins to peer open upon their scalp, but will be able to do so without panic for several minutes. Once they get into the water their constitution and dexterity both become 20 and they are immune to fear.
74. Atticus Aurelius - the target is imbued with the soul of a famed gladiator from several eras passed. Skilled with any weapon as Atticus was, the target becomes proficient with all physical weapons (improvised or not). Able to command the applause of an audience at the drop of his helmet. If a crowd surrounds you (of any humanoid, undead/constructs or not) the target can command them to boo you and your allies causing you to suffer from the effects of Bane. Or they may cheer the target applying the effects of Bless. No saves. If the audience is unsatisfied at a poor showing or cheating habits their boos and riot will suppress you further applying the effects of Slow. Put on an absolute banger of a show with flourish and skill and their cheers will apply the effects of Haste. No saves.
75. Jäegerjog - the target’s soul becomes the one born to die at your hand. Sewn into the never ending tapestry of time it is their fate to perish by your influence alone. They know it though you may not. They also know everything about you and they have advantage against you in every aspect as you suffer disadvantage in every reflective aspect. They also can’t be killed by anyone but you.
76. Dracolich - the target becomes an unwilling phylactery of an ancient Dracolich. Watch the skies…
77. Rook - the target and all who can see them become one within The Parliament. Each individual is now on trial and must provide a story to be judged by their peers. As the anecdotes unfold more and more blackbirds will arrive and encircle the lot of you to listen in. At the DM’s discretion the one who told the least captivating tale will be pecked to death by the encircling birds, and attacked by any affected N/PC, for 15d10 dmg before they flutter off. No save can be made less you reveal yourself as an outsider and ally yourself with the guilty. (WIS DC 14 for the most rebellious of you). Any shiny trinkets you can throw within the circle will decrease the DC by 1.
78. Nymph - the target becomes a beacon of inequitable beauty. Their form becomes statuesque to each individual who gaze upon them. Their desire to fight dissipates and they become concerned only with judging others for their beauty. Weak in the knees to the target’s newly bestowed sex appeal, you unwillingly confess to them which part of yourself you hate the most. Confused by their Nymph aura, though they are none. Whoever they take pity on most reduces their CHA score by 1. The target then runs away, believing the mere presence of such filthy, struggling adventurers despoils their presence just by being near. The air of death and rot on you is more present than it’s ever been. You cannot help but stay on your knees as you watch them flee. You are free from their hold once they leave your sight.
79. Übermensch - the target can perform any action perfectly with mathematical efficiency. Consider every one of their ability scores and rolls a 20 without the proficiency modifier. The target lacks heart and chaos in their soul from this point forward. They can execute all required of them perfectly. There is no surprise in their execution. They will always perform at maximum potential except in the dealings of art. They can be taught, certainly, but without thorough guidance all of their CHA rolls equate to zero regardless of modifiers.
80. Star-Crossed Lover - a soul torn asunder, the target becomes one half of a harmonious pairing that will bring light and love into this world. A larger piece of the puzzle than you are at this moment. The union of the target and their mysterious lover are victims, but vital players, in a blood feud. Their death(s) will shift the tide in a grand conflict unseen...
81. Woodland Eidolon - the target's eyes become ovaled and protrude subtly from their head as a nervous fawn’s would. Their skin molts and grows fine ivory hairs as they shiver and freeze. Unblinking. Shallow sharp breaths. A spirit of the woods stands before you and you have the span of a blink to claim your kill or else they are lost to legends told around the campfire once more. Their DEX Skill becomes 20 and all DEX checks and saves are criticals made with advantage. They can outrun your magical influence and know when you’re going to act before you do. But….if the stars are aligned and you land the killing blow (any successful attack is a killing blow)...their trophy will bring you gifts of which you only dreamed
82. Antlers - netted in a spider’s web wet with morning dew, the glistening beads and weave act as a dream catcher for the most malicious nightmares protecting you from magical influence as you sleep
83. Pelt - it warms you as a campfire would and as long as you are blanketed by it you are immune to cold and your health regenerates for 4 for every round of combat it’s equipped
84. Horn - left lying in the dirt it is a sign of something terrible and conquering walking the grounds, an obelisk of bone that prevents predators and ambushes alike within a mile radius. But if you are caught carrying it you are seen as a dishonorable scavenger and your name will be besmirched within the wilds. The pheromones from it act as a subtle aphrodisiac amongst humanoids (not including undead/constructs) and you have prof. in CHA checks
85. Scrimshaw - an ivory tusk from a Mother Walvis decorated with a sailor’s tale of his time on the seas. The carvings are half finished leaving most of the tusk bare. All stories have an ending and this sailor’s is now yours to tell. This tusk will bring you a boat when you have none. All you must do is find shore. It will also allow you to hold your breath for up to an hour.
86. Broken Night - the target becomes bored by all they know well. Any extraordinary item they have on their person that they are well acquainted with will equal the value of trash immediately. If they know you well, then their pursuit of you, or risk thereof diminishes entirely. They will respond to threats accordingly but otherwise would prefer something strange and rare to busy themselves. Especially if it is of a teasing nature. If they hold something of interest to you then they are always willing to trade for a more interesting object. Or even a story perhaps.
87. Neogi - A Neogi can smother a weak mind with some ease. The target’s mind becomes weak. Prey for any who have the ambition to use it for their own bidding until the body collapses. The target becomes cowardice prey. If so inclined, you’re welcome to impose your will upon them. Though so can everyone else. The blank-canvas-welcome of their mindscape has too much potential to pass up. Greedy minds can sniff out the glove-fit of their embryonic potential like a shark for blood. Who says no to a soft body that asks for it?

His rifle and helmet were not that far away- he knew he could reach them before the two battling cats noticed his presence. What he was doubtful of, was that if he distracted them from fighting each other, they might instead focus on the cave and the rest of his team and family. A truly unacceptable risk.
Brashi’i raced through his mind, and Blaine was moving before he realized he was. He reached his helmet and rifle without being noticed, and didn’t wish to push his luck, so he slunk off towards the old palace ruins. Finally feeling he was far enough away, he took off his jetpack and took out the grenades he’d squirreled away when he’d fled the Abbadon weeks prior on Sacorion.
Taking some silver tape that he always carried with him, and the grenades, he attached the aerosol can to the grenades and closed his eyes in a solemn hope that his crazy ploy might work. Stuffing his helmet on, and securing his gear in his jetpack and returning the jetpack to his back, Blaine ignited the jets and roared skywards.
Swooping down on the two battling Cariolinous, Blaine pulled the pins on the grenades and let the spoons fly, before aiming his throw and releasing the Rube-Goldberg-grenade-contraption directly on target at the big cats’ feet.
Zoom-climbing away, Blaine felt rather than saw the explosion of the twin grenade contraption. Swinging around in a second pass, he noticed two Cariolinous lying in pools of red blood on the dirt, which made it look like they were simply lying in shadows.
“One of y’all, check them cats teh make sure they’s dead. I’m fer Ardor, an’ I intend to bring Hell with me!” Blaine said, as he streaked off towards Ardor.
“Good luck.” Tess’ voice said in his ear.
Blaine didn’t answer her, but simply flew for all he was worth. The darkness and the waves of the Sea of Carmen, were his only companions, as he pushed his jetpack to its limits. Terror at what he might find gripped at his chest and groped his heart. His mind was a squall of fear, loathing, helplessness, dark images, and suppositions which he couldn’t be certain of one way or the other from his position amongst the clouds.
For a solid hour, he flew in pure terrified silence, until the lights of Ardor showed on the horizon in the darkness of the weeks of pure darkness before the Vaalorian twilight of dawn. Cold as it was, Blaine’s blood was a roiling inferno.
He was so worried about what he might find, he was hesitant to land. Swallowing his fears, he landed on the balcony of his room. Leenah and Narah met him there, having expected him to take this avenue.
“You shouldn’t have come!” Leenah said, looking at her feet in shame.
“Your sister is fine… Thought you should know.” Blaine said off the cuff. “How bad is it?” He added, his voice cracking.
“I… I don’t know.” Narah said, speaking up. “She’s not gone, but she was hurt badly. They… SOB- They took the children, and… SNIFF- Oh, I’m so sorry!”
Blaine walked inside, to a complete wreck of a bedroom. Drapes were shredded, chairs and endtables were shattered and splinters, and several smears of blue and a couple red ones as well, adorned the walls.
“We tried to get here as fast as we could… when we got here… We found this.” Leenah said hesitantly. “Ghost-”
“What?! What happened to Ghost?!” Blaine said, whirling around on his toes and walking straight up to Leenah with his eye twitching slightly.
“He’s hurt really bad!” Narah said, sliding in between Leenah and Blaine in an effort to protect her. “You might be able to help them both, if you hurry!” She added, pointing down the hall towards the parlor.
Blaine didn’t hesitate, and didn’t listen to anyone or anything else, making a beeline for the parlor. As he walked in, Ghost raised his head and roared a challenge, before whimpering piteously at Blaine.
“Hey, bubba… I’m here… I’m gonna make the owies go away, kay?” Blaine said, as he walked gingerly up to Ghost’s side where he was laying, barely able to move. “I’m so proud of you, bubba… You did good. Good dog, Ghost.” Blaine said as he squatted next to the terribly injured dog.
Focusing on the healing fire, Blaine let his rage and his concern and his love fuel the force of healing energy, which created a blooming effect. Brashi’i groaned and sat up in her seat next to the countertop wetbar.
“B-blaine? They… Where are the children? GASP! GHOST! WHERE’S GHOST?!” Brashi’i sputtered groggily.
Ghost barked sharply, admonishing her for her panic. Brashi’i saw him, and wincing with each movement, half-crawled and half-hunched her way over to the dog’s side.
“You should be restin’.” Blaine said darkly. “You all will be fine, said. I need to go outside for a minute…” He added, making for the door as Ghost stood up and shook vigorously.
“Don’t tell Mari’a!” Brashi’i said, wincing. “I can’t bear to tell her Vendance is gone!”
Blaine, stopped dead in his tracks. “Who was it?”
“Mahl. Wearing the mark of Nidavellir. The Fallen.” Brashi’i said. “I fear the remnants joined the Rising Tide… We fought back… I… I couldn’t stop them!” Brashi’i sobbed as she spoke. “They were too strong!”
Blaine’s face darkened, and he said nothing as he walked through the door. Anger coursed through his veins, and rage lendt his feet speed. The closer he got to the balcony, the faster his legs pumped and his feet slammed against the floor as he ran. Leaping from the balcony and deploying his wings and lighting the jets in the same moment, Blaine thundered off for Nidavellir.
Roaring across the snow covered landscape, Blaine barely had the bearing to recognize the cliffs of the deserts of Oor. Finding the cliff he was looking for, Blaine landed and walked up to the cavern mouth. He barely registered the lack of the sandscreen over the entrance to the cave, so focused was he on his task.
He walked inside, and found the cave in much the same way he’d left it last, right down to the heap of desiccating Mahl bodies. Looking around, he found nothing disturbed since he’d been here last, and recognized that the Mahl of the Fallen weren’t using Nidavellir as their hidy-hole anymore.
At a mental loss of where to turn next, Blaine racked his brains and cast about for anything that could give him a lead, even though he knew deep down, his search was fruitless from the start. Thinking back, he remembered that the Mahl had captured Zubrim. Grasping for anything in his desperation, Blaine hoped against all else that the Mahl that held Zubrim were of the Fallen, and his children were there.
Leaping into the freezing night air, Blaine rocketed towards Zubrim; an unholy rage seething in his chest, and a vindictive hate gnawing at his mind. He flew for several hours to the darkened city of Carmen, and Fort Zubrim, where he flew in, hugging the ground and landing finally in an alleyway just outside the fortress citadel.
“... Take the children to the saferoom… I’m not sure, but I’m getting a strange feeling.” A familiar voice said. Blaine did a double-take.
“Kel’ze? How is that possible?” Blaine muttered to himself.
“Yes, my Lord. I will see to it straight away.” A gutteral bass voice replied.
Peering out from behind a dumpster, Blaine saw the two who were speaking, and his blood ran cold. Kel’ze, stood mere feet from a Mahl warrior. And he was smiling- if one could call that a smile. Dropping back behind the dumpster again, Blaine listened and waited.
The two continued on, walking through a large double-french style steel-reinforced wooden spar door. Blaine followed at a distance, watching the two as they conspired. Barely making it inside without making outrageous amounts of noise, Blaine tiptoed between shadows and breathed quietly as he could, following the two conspirators up the stairs to the second level of the fortress.
They came to a room with a codelock, and proceeded to log in the code and walk through the door as Blaine watched from an adjacent hallway corner. As the door began to swing shut, Blaine slunk quickly up to it and stuck his small knife in the doorjam, stopping the door from attaining its electromagnetic lock.
Slipping through the door to the other side and allowing it to close quietly, Blaine observed the duo turning the corner further up, and snuck quietly to the corner of the hallway. He listened as the soft clicks of the Mahl’s claws on the floor slowly became less distinct.
Peering carefully around the corner, he watched as the two came to a large reinforced security door, and stood chatting for several minutes. Then, the Mahl turned around and began walking back, as Kel’ze stood impatiently waiting next to the heavy door.
Blaine quickly backed off several feet and waited, legs like springs, ready to pounce. The Mahl rounded the corner, directly into a heavy jumping right uppercut from Blaine, which knocked the brute out cold.
Checking around the corner to be sure he wasn’t heard, Blaine quickly lifted and carried the Mahl to the opposite end of the hall and through a door he’d passed on the way. Shoving the large alien into the room, Blaine was surprised to find himself in a storage room for cleaning supplies and building maintenance.
“Oh, yeah…” Blaine said, rubbing his hands together in a cheesy display of sadistic satire. “This won’t take long!”
Stuffing a dirty mop in the Mahl’s mouth, and awkwardly tying the creature’s large killing claws together at its neck, Blaine cast about for a way to wake the beast. Finding a bottle of ammonia and some sulfur and some table salt, Blaine quickly mixed up a teaspoon’s worth of toxic smelling salts.
Waving the concoction under the Mahl’s nose, Blaine waited for the creature to stir. As the beast came around to sense, Blaine smiled and held up a hammer he’d found while rummaging around for rope.
“Y’all know who I is… I ain’t gotta introduce mahsel’ said… But, I have no idear who thah fuck ‘re you…. So I’m gonna ask yeh a test queshun. If’n you do anythin’ or says anythin’ whah ain’t the answers I need from you, I’m gonna break somethin’. It might be your face, it might be a coffee cup… You won’t know until I get the wrong answer teh mah queshunz, heard? Says whah, now… Whah’s yer name, son?” Blaine said at length, before removing the mop gag.
The Mahl sputtered and ran his long tongue against his teeth, before spitting and then looking Blaine directly in the eyes before responding. “I am Soriel’Nak, Majesty. I know you to speak true.”
“Where‘re my chill’en, Soriel?” Blaine asked, point blank.
“They are in the gatehouse, by the front gates of the walled citadel. Kel’ze will know when I do not return… And I can fly with quite a payload, Majesty…” Soriel said, his brown eyes narrowing in accusational question.
“Kel’ze is already dead. He just hasn’t gotten the email yet.” Blaine said, and stuffed the mop back into Soriel’s mouth. “Stay here… Don’t speak a word, or I will kill you myself. If you spoke true, you will be Heard in the halls of Cathedral City on Saccor. Deal?”
The Mahl’s eyes opened wide at the offer, and the large alien creature nodded slowly and deliberately, as if to emphasize they were uncomfortable with the human gesture but knew its worth all the same.
Slipping back through the doorway, Blaine walked boldly back down the hall and turned the corner to face a bewildered and shocked Kel’ze.
“Hey, pussnuts!” Blaine said, waving cheerily and smiling as he walked up. “I kil’dt’choo already!”
“You really think that dropping a building on me would kill me, monkey boy?” Kel’ze said, smirking.
“No!” Blaine said with a goofy smile, as he sauntered up jovially. “I just, I says, I just thought it would piss you orff! I can see now, you’re not as pissed as you was the last time I saw yeh, and that’s sayin’ summat! Tess an’ Leetah did a number on you!”
“Who?” Kel’ze said, puzzled.
“Ah… I see… You’re a differen’ Skylass…. All works fiddlewise in the end…” Blaine said, taking the pneumatic dart from his belt, depleting his antiserum stores completely. “I got’s a present fer yeh. C’mere and lemme give it, said!” Blaine added, moving like chain lightning.

I don't know if I'm quite ready to quit the league entirely yet, but I'm sure I won't make a completely new build until the next league so I figured I should voice my thoughts on my league journey for anyone who cares to listen. This is my second 40/40 league and I've put way more time into this league than any other by a decent margin, including Sanctum which was my first 40/40 and I'll try to explain why because I'm not sure I fully know why myself. I've been an SSF player since Ultimatum league and any and all thoughts voiced here are from this perspective.
The league started as a hot mess, I was very lukewarm to it. Lots of heavyhanded balancing swings but most of those had little impact on SSF, with the significant rework of the Graveyard crafting mechanic after the first week it turned into one of the most overpowered mechanics we've ever seen, easily on par with Harvest and Recombinators. This opened up the build space in SSF wider than we've ever seen and together with the great QoL-ening this patch, SSF players are eating good. Thus, here are the characters I've put together on my journey to once again dunk on uber bosses and to conquer the new beast that was Back To Back Basics T17 maps.
Prelude on this list is my starter that I didn't finish to any satisfying degree, Armageddon Brand of Recall Saboteur. I will not provide a PoB for this character because there's nothing to see, I hated every aspect of the build. Triggerbots are utterly unreliable for any setup that deals damage around the bots themselves. As an avid Summoner player (as you'll see), I can say Triggerbots have the most infuriating AI I've ever had to deal with. There is impressive damage potential here for sure, but it simply turned out to be a terrible choice as a starter, especially in SSF.
It did however allow me to setup for a second character, so onwards to the builds actually worth showing:
1. Popcorn SRS Necromancer - https://pobb.in/ssQh5T6l1DOa
One of my favorite skills in the game and definitely my favorite use of said skill. I love my little heatseeking undead missiles. Now, it's not the best build by any means, it's got mediocre clear, delayed damage and with the new(ish) Transfigured setup, some awkward piloting with Unleash support, it's got it's quirks. Still, this build managed to clear all T17 maps and down all ubers albeit in a dirty fashion with many portals falling to collateral damage. It's greatest badge of honor was the ability to actively stun uber bosses out of long animations, including Uber Shapers Beam and Uber Sirus Everlasting Fire charge-up.
Potential upgrades: The simplest and biggest upgrade to the build would easily be a beneficially corrupted Diallas chest, potentially pumping up the gem level by and additional 4. You could get three Grand Spectrum for +90% Crit Multi which would be very noticable since crit modifiers are hard to come by for minions. The theoretically best way to build Popcorn in my mind currently (at least in terms of damage) will be using Qotra's Regulator and Necromantic Aegis, this frees up your amulet slot for either a Replica Dragonfang or an Ashes of the Stars, I do think Ashes is the best option simply because levels have diminishing returns over quality at a certain point. This way will however sacrifice a lot of defense, but maybe you can reach block cap anyway with Necromantic Aegis.
2. Tawhoa Shaman Spectre Necromancer - https://pobb.in/efYfyYOXNXv6
My goal when I started out the league was to farm a Wraithlord and use it for it's intended purpose and make a proper Spectremancer once again, a summoner archetype I haven't touched since Redemption Sentries in Harvest League. I'm happy to say with this new helm and some borderline cheating from Allflames, Spectremancer is back baby, at least for a moment. The most popular choice this league was using Wretched Defilers (as shown by Ghazzy) but I chose Tawhoa Shamans because on paper they looked to have better single target, being poison projectile based with 100% poison chance by default. Turns out this was true. I was using a single Spectral Leader at times but that one is so damn squishy it often died during T17 maps.
This character turned into my workhorse that cleared B2B T17's and ubers pretty comfortably. Aegis is definitely my favorite defensive unique in the game.
Tawhoa Shamans sport a spellbased Poisonous Concoction ability with innate 100% poison chance and an AoE explosion allowing for multiple projectiles to shotgun (Minion Offence Mastery and Plaguebringer did make noticable impact to this). The base damage of this isn't particularily high which leads me to think Covenant and Envy provides significant damage, but they are not implemented in PoB so all I got is my personal experience. I experimented with using Vile Toxins over GMP, it felt ok but overall GMP definitely felt like superior damage. The greatest problem with Tawhoa Shamans are their default AI, they sit somewhere between Zombies and Skeletons in terms of aggressiveness. Attaching my offering-brand was enough to make them go to work though. This leads me to the next section.
Potential upgrades: Obligatory Amanamu's Gaze mention, I despise this jewel with my very soul, I've tried to farm if many times in SSF and simply won't give. That said, the absolute best suite of upgrades you could possibly do to this character is a crafted wand with the Delve mod "Minions Are Aggressive" combined with an Envy Aul's Uprising. This will provide the minions with some well needed fire in their butts, and could possibly even provide socket space for a Transience Spectre with Feeding Frenzy (tech in Ghazzy's 3.24 spectre video). Finally, a +2 Minion gems Covenant would be a noticable upgrade but I'm sure they already hit DoT cap as is.
I truly hope we will have access to the TotA mobs in the future, if not I fear Spectremancer will go back to being a C tier choice for summoners, I don't think Wretched Defilers are up to the task.
3. Void Battery Hierophant (Lightning Conduit of the Heavens) - https://pobb.in/k7KP3OXIUrGP
This and the next build served as some diversions and/or palette cleansers because at this point I had amassed quite a lot of high tier uniques and the means to level new characters really quickly so I will likely be brief. I got two Void Batteries back to back in short succession (a few days tops) so I decided to make one of the more niche Archmage builds available. Turns out LCotH is an amazing clear skill, just click and the entire screen dies, Crit Archmage delivered single target as well so this was a great T16 mapper. I built squishy and I felt it, not much else to say there.
Potential upgrades: Simply better rares and a full Adorned setup will likely produce a thundergod of a character that can speedclear T17s. Extra power charges wherever they can be found.
4. Triple Charge Stacker Slayer (Cold Snap of Power) - https://pobb.in/RSi1lS2ynkx7
At this point in the league I had amassed all the necessary components for a charge stacker together with a decent Adorned jewel so I decided to pull the trigger. I spent some time looking at what skill to use and since I didn't want to play Penance Brand again and I absolutely hate both Blade Vortex and Winter Orb with a passion I turned to Cold Snap of Power as inspired by Mathil. I tried justifying Creeping Frost instead but Cold Snap just looked better in every aspect. This became a very fun character, also very good at blasing T16s similar to the Hierophant. However I did not anticipate the awkwardness of Cold Snap and charge consumption which ultimately turned me off the build pretty quickly.
Potential upgrades: Awakened Spell Cascade and a Replica Restless Ward. At the time I had not touched Heist and I had that Brass Dome with some white sockets thanks to some Omens so I just used that. Otherwise lean even more into Adorned, better jewels and better clusters.
5. Energy Blade CoC Blazing Salvo Inquisitor - https://pobb.in/P75AesG0IaJP
This was my endgame creation this time around, the kind of build you look at and thing "yeah that's not SSF friendly at all". Very little creativity from my part in terms theorycrafting, plenty of help from CaptainLance's videos and just shameless stealing from Ninja, but actualcrafting is all my own. It's been a very satisfying journey to craft Adorned magic jewels, 8 socket passives, farming and corrupting unique items and so on. It's also my first time ever playing a CoC build and while I think the EB + Ivory Tower + Rathpith is carrying a lot of the damage, my god it just spews out spells at a rate that selfcast could never come close to. Combining this all with a shotgunning spell like Blazing Salvo with Returning Projectiles and Snipers Mark turn to some truly disgusting damage when everything overlaps. This Energy Blade setup is truly wonderful in the sense it's a generic blueprint for any crit spell you could care to play, it handles base damage, increases, crit strikes and enemy res before even considering main gem links. CoC solves cast rate as well. Truly disgusting.
Potential upgrades: Fuck you Heist.
Going from my extremely tanky Necromancer to this gave me a healthy perspecive on defensive stats. While the Necro was much slower in terms of clearspeed, I realized it could handle most of the nasty T17 mods even in a B2B setup without caring too much. This Inquisitor just shat on the ubers in a way I haven't experienced before which was kinda what I wanted but at the same time I did feel some limitations when playing T17s. It was very much a kill-or-be-killed build with some leeway thanks to the ES pool, but it certainly folded in situations where my Necro would just laugh. I'm sure in trade you can pump up the damage output to a level where you don't care about anything.
All in all, I think the reason I stuck to this league is the subtle but massive endgame rework in scarabs, Atlas trees and T17's. We have never seen such freedom of choice and availability when it comes to what content you wanna farm in SSF, the build space has never been so vast. I still have ideas in my head that I would wanna try, but I think I'm burned out enough in this league. I'm sitting on a perfectly rolled Ashes of the Stars and I wanna try Double Strike of Momentum quality stacking (server tick memes?), but I poofed my Diallas chest so I'll table that indefinitely.
If you made it this far, *fist bump* homie.
Feel free to roast my stuff!