List of excuses for missing school

Hi, I’m F(17) I have a little sister who’s F (15). So little back story me and my little sister agreed to babysit my niece who was 3 months at the time while my older sister worked, she’s 21 but was 19 at the time that was two years ago. We started babysitting her more instead of it being a few days it would end up being weeks, months, years of us onstantly babysitting our niece cleaning up after them doing stuff for her that she wouldn’t have time to do around the house or with her daughter.. I thought her daughter to walk! Well, she thought it was a brilliant idea for us to move an hour away from our mother and move in with her and in a different city to watch her daughter but that caused us to slowly start failing school and we got homeschooled to help watch her baby so we have missed two years of school and I brought this up to her a million times that this is a problem and we really need to go back to school but she’s more worried about us watching her daughter. Well, we got in a big argument a few days ago and she said that we don’t do anything for her, even though we watch her kid, clean up after her and I take care of her animal on top of taking care of mine! Well, she yelled at me and told me that we should just move out because we don’t do sh!t for her.. and I told her good luck finding a babysitter when we leave because even though her baby daddy does watch my niece sometimes during the weekend she works during the weekdays and she’s always complaining about bringing her down there because of gas money so I went to a family event this weekend and they said they could help us move out and since I do have my license and a car, I’m going to slowly move stuff back into my mom‘s house.. well my sister got mad at me when she found out that we were moving out she said wouldn’t have help anymore taking care of her daughter but claims we don’t watch her and don’t do anything for her, so truly AITA for putting me and my little sisters education and own lives first?

I've realized over the past week that I've been in college as an excuse to waste my time. I've been without a declared major since I graduated highschool in 2019, I have no clue what I want to do. I can't pass a writing class to save my life, always had a problem with it since I was a kid idk why. I don't want to be in college anymore, I feel like I'm wasting my time. I'm terrified of being 40 and missing out on ever having kids cause I messed around in my 20s and developed no skills. I'm too physically weak for most of the trades and I'm not smart enough to make it through college. I despise sales, feels like selling my soul to the devil. What can I do as a career? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I just need something to aim for. Thank you.

The idea that humans in large numbers lack competency, and so therefore a conspiracy would be practically impossible completely misses the point. Actually, the fact that humans are insanely incompetent and low-information is why conspiracies are everywhere and almost never go noticed. In fact, people DO speak up often and whistleblow and NO ONE LISTENS.
Part of the issue here is epistemological. We think we know about the world. Why do we think that? First of all, human brains are built to conceive of about 150 people around them. Urbanization breaks our brains, and because we're not built for it, we consistently process our impression of society wrong.
School and media are huge and very simply blunt instruments to provide us with a better impression of the massive urban society around us. Most of what we think we know comes from here. Yes, it's true that false information can be contradicted and humans actually can be quite logical with plain, clear facts. However, we have other social instincts which prevent this from happening.
We humans mostly tend to intuitively perceive what kinds of beliefs others have and give massive weight to that while filtering possibly complex or confusing facts in our heads. While some of us and some cultures are much more sophisticated and cynical about media, there are TONS of demographics (i.e.: young women) who psychologically interpret literally anything the media presents as representative of the actual tastes and preferences of that abstract 150 people the brain is built to perceive. Simply because the media exists and promotes one point of view, it means that this must be the position of those in the tribe with power.
Experienced, educated professionals will constantly filter inconvenient information in favor of adjusting to what the group believes. Smarter, 110-130 IQ "midwits" will actually recognize something is wrong, but will rationalize the emotional inconvenience and build explanations or narratives so they can cope. <110IQ people can't construct these rationalizations, and if they're low-IQ enough they can't even understand them, so this is why dumb people often perceive conspiracies that highly intelligent people observe, because the layer of rationalization doesn't appear to them. >140 IQ literally cannot use these rationalizations because their brains see right through them and you have to be a psychopath to ignore what you see. 110-130 IQ people ACTUALLY BELIEVE these rationalizations, that's the point. They ego invest in them and will fight their own kin to squash anyone noticing malicious behavior systemic to institutions. This is partly because, these midwits as the supreme managerial class, so effectively rationalize, they can operate in corrupt environments without being aware of the corruption. Thus they are rewarded immensely, given titles or big salaries, and become personally invested in the fraud while also consciously believing there's no fraud.
As an adult who has noticed all this from experience in the military, ecclesiastical, academic, corporate (never medical sadly) sectors, these patterns seem universal. You know the store manager who has the keys to lock up? Well, when they open up to their buddies and drink a little of the merchandise and throw a little party or whatever, if corporate can't tell, then why wouldn't they? Not everyone who has power will abuse it, but anywhere power is held, someone will abuse it. Abuse of power is a very casual thing, and at a minimum, some percentage of human personality types will always do it. The go-getters and doers especially trend toward a willingness to abuse power, and that's part of the problem. Other humans have specific instincts to submit to the powerful and almost take pleasure when they are on the good side of a psychopath who is abusing a third party.
Here you might say, "Gee, you have a cynical view of humanity." Sorry, the day a college kid can stand up and assert a point of view that's not social consensus, and have even 10% of the class change their minds and support him merely from considering the argument, then maybe I'll be more optimistic. No, people are cowards who are constantly trying to fit in, mostly most people are pretty dumb, and actually most people disdain those who refuse to fit in and don't care at all about the group's corruption. See, kids who are instinctively socially breaking from their parents will oppose the society of their parents. But kids will never oppose, not ever, not at scale, the social momentum of other kids unless there are other kids of clear divisions like racial or religious.
Therefore, I would propose that not only is society full of conspiracies at every level, but actually society functions on the basis of conspiracy. Small group loyalties and hierarchies form nodes around which institutional structure can build larger organizations. I was in the military which is full of formal authority, laws and rules. The reality of it is all that was a distraction to make people put up with a system that is more about little cliques among officers and so forth that sort everything out behind closed doors. Sure, norms, laws, rules, training smooth things out, allow interchangeability, but real decisions are made selfishly by some leader and they have quidproquo with colleagues and that bubbles up to the top. So whatever stupid beliefs they have about their organization or its values, they take with them to the top where someone like a general wields real power. Yet, such a person is sort of "endowed" with that position by his clique-community, and so they must fight for that community's values in the confines of that community's worldview, which might be totally inaccurate.
With this in mind, here is your final graduation thought experiment.
I've tried to understand the Ukraine war.
Right now Russia is playing on its former Soviet era diplomatic network so it's leaning into "white neocolonialists who think they have superior values exploit brown people because of theft and racism." But they're also simultaneously playing the newer, libertarian narrative of a progressive managerial elite which has hijacked the Western bureaucracy. It's sort of insane how they do this. Like how they exalt Orthodox religion but also insist Stalin did nothing wrong, which not even the post-Stalin USSR believed.
The anti-neocolonialist narrative says that rich whites want to steal resources from poor browns. This is factually what's happening, but the tragic irony is that many third world countries probably couldn't develop or benefit from these resources without first world help. So, there's both an argument against neo-colonialism, but also an argument that it's not like this big scam so much as a natural consequence. What it boils down to for me is where war, jackal economics or espionage is used. That's clearly wrong, and I think a lot of poor countries would be doing a lot better without these interventions, although I don't think they'd be rich and developed.
Well, the West actually is anti-neocolonialist too. Globalists want smart cities, AI economy, UBI, CBDC. They want rural white Americans to be the same level of poor as rural Africans, and for the gains of exploiting natural resources to be concentrated among a global elite, which although unfair, is not exclusive to borders. The geopolitical unfairness of neocolonialism will be addressed by Globalism. And its elite will be very small compared to the global proletariat they intend to have.
This is all very ironic since the globalist machine is playing the Euro-chauvinism card to appeal to Euro elites, and also the American exceptionalism card to appeal to American nationalists. They're playing whatever cards they have, like Russia.
So this is all I know: the West is lying to some of its lesser elites by paying lip service to their values. Russia is playing its old USSR geopolitics card while also playing a trad Orthodox card, while also playing an anti-globalist card.
I KNOW that the West is globalist, the leadership that is. So NATO must lose, because the globalists will certainly win if NATO wins. However, I fear the other side might also be globalists and the whole conflict is an anti-white, anti-Western charade meant to displace the old Euro elites and American nationalists.
That's the irony. Globalists control the West, but have to constantly deal with these older elite factions, so they could be using the war as a purge in a way.
It's hard to explain why the globalist-American leadership needed this conflict so bad. Probably it's all a shitshow gone wrong. This is where my explanation of how conspiracies function comes into play.
Neocons thought the would reinvigorate interest in the military but it hasn't. Like a new patriotism and interest in military power and funding.
Ukrainian Jews might have thought they could purge the Slavs and make a second Jewish homeland but that's probably off the table due to the failed counter offensive.
Russia's hopes of exercising their historical and cultural hegemony to settle the conflict have failed, when Ukrainian deep state operatives assured them they were still on the same old team.
Stupid nationalists who are somehow blind to the globalists and think the American economy is "doing great" probably thought this could be a knockout blow to Russia's meddling in certain geostrategic resource deals that affected American hegemony over Europe. This is a legacy of the British "can't let Europe become a world power" prerogative. The kind of dumb monkey legacy deep state geopolitical prerogatives that these idiots cling to while ignoring the other players around them.
So there are members of the British and American diplomatic-military-intelligence communities who are seemingly oblivious to what globalism is, or the imminent collapse of the Anglo-American financial hegemony. They actually believe the financial journalism. They are playing out a specific strategy from their class or clique or culture's history which is about keeping Europe down. So they are acting from that vantage and are acting as a conspiracy.
There are Euro elites acting from the vantage of actual vestigial colonialist attitudes where they actually think that Europe of all places is a bastion of Western values. While this class is completely morally degenerate, what they really mean is there is a class of elites in Europe that actually thinks the whole world outside of white Europe are actually just dumb monkeys. Not metaphorical. They are committed to all this, as a conspiracy that exercises influence as a conspiracy, because of this idiotic, low-information attitude.
Then there's the globalists who have all kinds of plans, and have even got Russia and China and India to adopt some of their financial technologies in preparation for their Great Reset. And this is done because of their massive influence over global business. As a conspiracy. And yet, while massively influential, they don't outright control Russia or China and their plants are constantly falling short. I'd say the globalists are trying to act as a conventional "illuminati" style conspiracy.
But the point is what I said in the beginning. Even these powerful, highly competent cliques have huge blind spots and huge power gaps because humans are in fact highly incompetent in large numbers.
I get a clique trying very hard to influence things and just falling short of being able to do it, but what boggles my mind is that a lot of these conspiracies who KNOW they are conspiracies who KNOW the world is a stage for the common sheep and KNOW the basic nature of deep state and intelligence games that are played. Even these people will not see past their own biases or egos, and fail to see lies in front of their own faces.
Because conspiracy is natural to humans. We do it naturally, so we engage in illicit collusion and cliquishness, but we don't necessarily see or realize where it's happening outside of our brain's 150 person social perception. Which to me is the oddest thing.

Day 1 A news report breaks in [REDACTED] New York about a man waking up the previous morning, and attempting to turn on his TV to watch the latest episode of his favourite show, only for his remote to crumble in his hand. Confused as to what was going on, the man would attempt to manually turn on his TV, only to accidentally pull a chunk of it off. It was at this moment, that the man would discover that his TV had been replaced with a hyper-realistic cake. The man would question his wife about where the TV went, and why there was a hyper-realistic cake in its place. However, his wife was just as confused as he was about the entire situation at hand. The man would attempt to report this to his local authorities, claiming his TV had been stolen and replaced with a hyper-realistic cake. Only to be laughed off as a prankster due to his ridiculous claim. Angry at this, he would take his story to the local news station hoping for justice to be served to whoever stole his TV. Once again, his claims were laughed off and published as a mere joke. The man would claim that there would be more cases of people’s items being replaced with hyper-realistic cakes going forward and that they would all regret ignoring his case.
Day 29 Police reports coming from all over [REDACTED] New York would reveal the man’s words to be correct. Starting after a young woman would attempt to open her purse, only for the zip to completely come off upon being pulled and quickly break apart, taking some of the modelling chocolate with it. Soon people would begin reporting all over the area that their items had been completely replaced with cake. Phones, laptops, bags, earrings, necklaces, rings and even stacks of cash were discovered to have been replaced with hyper-realistic cakes. Local authorities, having now clearly learned that this was no prank, are looking into the cases to try and track down these valuable items. However, one thing these cases all have in common (aside from the cakes being delicious) is the complete lack of evidence pointing to any suspects. No DNA evidence, no signs of forced entry, and no people in the area at the time. Nobody is even sure when these items were replaced with cakes. They all say they could've sworn they were real a second ago, only to suddenly be cake. Almost as if there was no thief and they had just suddenly turned into cake. Authorities are still on the hunt for a possible suspect in this case, even though the wider New York authorities laugh at them for humouring these absurd claims.
Day 47 The situation has escalated much further than anyone could've possibly anticipated. Now the reports of items being replaced with hyper-realistic cake have rapidly expanded to the rest of New York. Hundreds of people are reporting that their valuable items are being discovered to be hyper-realistic cakes. A man would take his phone out of his pocket to check if he'd received any important emails, only for his phone to crumble into pieces of cake in his hand. A woman would attempt to cash in a check of $100,000 to a bank, only for the modelling chocolate on the check to smash into several pieces when placed down on the counter. A couple would attempt to hurry their kids into the car, worrying they may be late for school. Only for the car to fall apart right in front of them, as the door is pulled off and falls to the ground. People are getting scared, they're worrying that at any moment, any of their prized possessions could end up being a hyper-realistic cake. Nobody is sure what is real and what is cake anymore, so they've taken to trying to cut anything they own, hoping to weed out the cake from the non-cake. Many have ended up accidentally destroying many of the things they own in the process of doing this. But those who still have their stuff have taken to putting stickers on them to ensure they know they're real. That was until an edible sticker was found to be on the back of a hyper-realistic cake emulating a mobile phone. Now, people’s only option is to place all their valued possessions into safes, covered in locks with an 87-number code that not even they know. The governor of New York has commented on the situation claiming that he's doing all he can to try and solve the hyper-realistic cake mystery, but he can only do so much to calm the fear and paranoia that has overcome New York.
Day 93 The situation has dramatically escalated even further somehow, as the hyper-realistic cake plague has now begun heavily affecting the nearby states of Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut and even some parts of Canada. Reports are coming in from all over the USA and even some of Mexico and South America of people’s items suddenly being replaced with ominous (albeit, tasty) hyper-realistic cakes. The president is doing nothing to quell the fear of US citizens, claiming the whole situation is ridiculous and that everyone is a fool for buying into it. People are starting to riot in the streets believing the president is not doing enough to try and prevent the appearance of hyper-realistic cakes. Many other countries are beginning to consider closing off all travel to the USA out of fear, and some like Germany even going through with it. The safes people were using to hold their valuable items are no longer safe. Many have been discovered to have been replaced with hyper-realistic cakes, leading to even greater fear and paranoia among citizens. And the worst thing of all. The police officer who was in charge of the case in [REDACTED] New York was discovered by his wife the previous night to have been replaced with an identical hyperrealistic cake. There is no evidence of where he may have gone, and there is no evidence pointing to who might've taken him. He has seemingly disappeared without a trace.
Day 149 As fear was reaching its limits, a spark of hope managed to emerge. Tension has been rising as countries all over the world have been receiving reports of people disappearing, and being replaced with hyper-realistic cakes. Even including those that shut off travel to the USA. The president has continued to display pure apathy to the situation, claiming the whole thing to be a farce, until he discovered one morning his wife had been turned into a hyper-realistic cake. Outraged at this, he demanded the perpetrator be immediately found and caught. He banned the selling of any ingredients that could be used to make a hyper-realistic cake, including flour, sugar, eggs, butter, baking powder, chocolate, honey, macaroni and cheese (he does not know how to make a cake, and decided it was better safe than sorry). But even then, hyper-realistic cakes continued to appear. Now even houses and everything in them were getting replaced with giant hyper-realistic cakes, twice the size of an average human being. The president was getting desperate now and was willing to do anything to catch the man responsible for this. So he had cameras set up on every street in every city in every state across the entire USA. And he had every cop working 24/7 on the sight of each camera making sure nothing was replaced with a hyper-realistic cake, and if they were to see hyper-realistic cake-related activities, they were to press a button, sounding the alarm. Yesterday, after weeks and weeks of nothing. An extremely tired officer managed to catch a woman attempting to replace a baby with a hyper-realistic cake. The woman, upon being caught, would quickly admit she was behind the hyper-realistic cake shenanigans. She was immediately brought to Washington DC where the president would proceed to scream and cry at her for hours before demanding she be placed in a holding cell so she could be questioned the following day. This was quickly announced by White House officials and the world began celebrating, praising the president as a hero who was able to end the hyper-realistic cake plague. The joyful people of the world are currently awaiting a word from the US president on who this mysterious woman is, what her motives are and where she’s keeping all these missing people.
Day 180 To the horror of everyone around the globe, the following morning, all hope was lost and all dreams were dashed. The woman taken captive last night was found to have been replaced with a hyper-realistic cake, just as everyone was. The president demanded a search for any evidence indicating how she could've escaped, but they were unable to find anything. Even the cameras meant to keep track of the woman had mysteriously failed to capture anything the previous night. This was the breaking point for the president, and as a result of this, he'd soon become wrapped up in an extremely insane conspiracy. He'd soon begin to believe the cake was a being that was more powerful than any of them, and that it needed to be eradicated at all costs. The presidents would proceed to declare Marshall law and cut off all transport to other countries. People, seeing exactly what was going to happen, attempted to escape the country by piloting the planes and boats themselves. Only to discover the planes and boats were all hyper-realistic cakes, that were unable to fly and would easily sink in water. The president would also declare that all cake is to be thoroughly burned, and anyone believed to be a cake is to be executed on sight, preferably by being cut with a blade. The president would have all secret service agents executed, claiming that they were conspiring with the cake and aided the woman in escaping custody. But even if this wasn't enough for the president, soon he’d begin believing that other countries were made of cake too and declared that any countries believed to be “cake countries” would be bombed off the map. Starting with Mexico, he sent wave after wave of bombs to the country until he was sure anyone inside was dead. He'd soon turn his attention to Germany, believing that it was also a “cake country” due to them previously closing off transportation from the USA there. Soon, Germany was no more, and the president would celebrate that he had destroyed another “cake country”. It seemed like to the president, that every country except the USA was a cake country, and no amount of bombing he did would change that. Everyone knew the sheer amount of bombs he was using was going to destroy the planet, but he didn't care. But just as quickly as this began, it ended. Yesterday, a large angry mob stormed the White House. The president would attempt to bomb the mob, only to discover the bomb launchpad had been replaced with cake. The mob quickly overpowered anyone left supporting the president with sheer numbers, and they swiftly beat the president to death in a manner too disturbing to even attempt to describe. Blood was everywhere, but they didn't care anymore, the dictator was dead.
Day 294 Shortly after the president's death, the USA descended into chaos. People were still being replaced with cake, and nobody had any way to contact people outside the USA, as every single phone was seemingly now a hyper-realistic cake. Many don't even believe there's anyone left out there, and that they were all killed by the president. People quickly began to believe the president was right, and that all the other countries were now just cake. But they took it one step further, they now began to ponder if the entire globe itself was just one giant cake. People began getting so scared of others being cake, that they would attempt to cut anyone they meet just to see if they were cake. There is no food left now besides hyper-realistic cakes, and many are so scared of them that they refuse to even go near them, let alone attempt to eat them. Many are dying from starvation, and those willing to eat the cakes are usually branded as “cake people” and killed on sight. There's still no sign of the people who went missing and were replaced with hyper-realistic cakes. Many believe they just vanished from reality itself or that they were taken by the cake. Some people have begun to worship the cake as a god and make sacrifices to it believing it'll bring their loved ones back. Reality is crumbling, society has fallen apart and it won’t be long until humanity is gone.
Day 334 Not even a year following the first-ever incident, the last human being on earth has died today. Alone, cold and afraid. There is nothing left. No trees, no grass, no water, no animals, no humans, nothing. The only thing that remains now is the hyper-realistic cakes. And that, is the story, of how I destroyed humanity with FUCKING CAKES! I guess in the end you could say… it was real.

Excuse if this is a little messy. I hardly use reddit, and this entire situation is stressing me out to the point of shakiness and illness. On that not, onto the story.
So, for a bit of context, I am a very, very new adult. I just graduated high school, and I've never had the best relationship with my family besides my mom and brother. I was still very distant from my mom because of some slight neglect in the past. I don't blame her for it because she's a single mom and was working a very hard job.
Extra context, my mom had also been planning a California trip. She had changed the plans every other day. Me and my fiance couldn't keep up with it, especially because he had a work venture there.
The past few months, I had been going out with my boyfriend, now fiance ( we'll call Ax ). My mom had been pretty hard on me because of this. Saying how, "I'm not home enough," and, "I need to help with (this this and this)." So, I was already getting a little fed up. I just wanted an escape from the house which is honestly not a very healthy living space due to my fairly slobbish family. Everytime I would go home she would bombard me with stuff, which I never had to do before, so it made me want out more.
I'm just going to summarize the build up by saying, there were quite a few arguments and she never seemed to listen to me. I also have a super hard time communicating my feelings and confrontation so participating in an argument is a big deal.
Now we get to the big night. The last thing we "talked" about was the California trip and how Ax's parents won't let him go if we stay at her friend's house. She got upset and stormed off. Me and Ax were upset so we went to his birth mom's ( we'll call her Cat ) house to take a break. It didn't really help. I had gotten fed up with all of the arguing and bitterness from my mom. All of the snide comments to Ax. I texted her that I was moving out and wasn't going on the California trip. ( I was moving into Cat's house. )
Now should I have texted her? Probably not, but texting helps me form my thoughts into words. I express more clearly through text, and shut down on the phone and especially in person.
She calls and I freak out and hand the phone to Ax. Mistake number 2. A bit about Ax, he is very very protective of me, especially with some of the stuff I've told him about my family and my dad. He doesn't want me to go through the same thing again. He's also a big jokester but is autistic so he doesn't really get when not to do some of his joking tones and words. They also come off as very disrespectful sometimes and he was kind of tired of her. So my mom is angry.
She tells me to come home within 5 minutes. I very shaky get in the car and we head there. We get there and she takes the keys to the car and my phone. Tells me to come inside and talk alone. Now, I get where she's coming from, but I HATE feeling cornered. I need someone else there by my side or I just shut down. It socks and makes things a lot harder with this kind of stuff. Now the rest is a but of a blur but she gets aggressive. No physical violence, but she does get in my face. I back up and she starts acussing me of telling people I'm violent though I haven't. It blurs again and suddenly I'm packing my things and leaving. My brother (15) by my side sad to see me leave this way.
The night goes by and I hear nothing from her. The next day she texts. I don't remember many of the texts, but I do remember being stressed out and not replying to things often. I tell her I need some time.
Few days go by with few texts I answer and a couple calls I don't. Then we get to church just a few days after the big night and an argument over text starts. She acusses Ax of lying, stealing, and vandalizing her car. The "lying" was a joke he made about his origins that I took seriously at first, I am a very slow person, that he had not realized I took seriously until very very later on. On the stealing, he had not stolen from some of the places acussed, but we did have a separate incident that was true. However, he's done his best to make it up and has not done anything like it since. He got punished by me and his parents. She still thinks he should've gotten worse. He's especially tried to make it up to my mom because he had lost her full trust and she was very obvious about it and still hasn't forgiven him to this day. The vandalizing was him working on the car, but not fixing it fully, because, we'll, she took the car before he could.
I talked about getting my legal documents, the entire point I was texting her in the first place, she brought up Ax herself. I misunderstood her and thought she was wanting to keep them from me so threatened legal action. I won't go deep into this because I'm not a lawyer, but ultimately it was more a threat to get my stuff. She said that I could get my stuff from the garage. Remember when I told you that my family was slobish? Yeah, I have no clue where these documents are and the garage is stacked to the sealing so it's going to take me a bit. I don't want to, but it's the only way to get my documents.
I completely give up at this point. I already said I needed a bit of time, but she continued to text. When I didn't answer email me a mental health line. The only times I would talk to her was to get my stuff. She started making facebook posts warning about toxic relationships, and how losing loved ones without making peace is terrible. This continues for a bit then stopped a couple days ago. The last thing I got, just a few hours ago, was an email. I will be quoting it word for word but changing names blah blah, you know how privacy works.
"Hi, [deadname]! I hope everything is going well for you.
I just wanted to take some time to explain some things. I wanted to tell you these things in person because it really does matter. Reading something is far different from hearing how someone says it. Arguments and misunderstandings should always be fixed in person.
First and foremost, I love you. I would do anything within my power for you. I have always been there for you and I want to continue being there. It breaks my heart that you don't want anything to do with me. I've tried to make you feel loved and supported. I've been active in your interests and activities. I even played Minecraft for you... (Haha)
I wanted to talk to you privately because we will never be able to fix things between us if someone else is involved. And honestly, it's no one else's business. I've never physically or intentionally hurt you so there is no reason to be scared to spend time with me.
What I have tried to tell you through text, is that I did not blow up because you wanted to move out. My response was that we would talk when you got home. That was not blowing up and this is why it is important to communicate in person rather than via text. I wanted to know your plans and see if I could help or add some suggestions that might help. I blew up because of the disrespect. I was being treated like I was nothing and like I've done nothing for you. I tried to explain that I wasn't mad about you wanting to move out. I'm not sure why you thought I would be since we've been talking about it for 6 months.
I apologize to you for how I handled my thoughts and feelings about [Ax]. It shouldn't have been handled that way. I'm not mad that either of you made mistakes. I was mad at the lack of taking ownership of said mistakes. I was mad that I was lied to again when I called out those mistakes.
I just want us to work through this. I love you. I will always love you. I want to help you if and when I can. I always want to be a part of your life. I am hurt that you can so easily throw away our relationship because of one argument. I am hurt that you're acting like I've done something for you to be afraid of me.
My door is always open and I'm always just a phone call away.
Love, Mom"
It makes me feel like I'm in the wrong and I'm actually unsure if I'm being to harsh on her. AITH?
TLDR; I move in with my fiancé. Arguments with mom as she acusses us of things we didn't do besides one thing. Im tired and stressed so go almost no contact. I get an email from her making me rethink my position on the matter.
Edit 1 and 2: Updates to layout of the post.

My (23M) sister (20F) has been with her boyfriend (20M) since high school. I will be talking about two different younger sister's in this scenario so I will be giving them fake names. Bailey being the 20F and Tammi for 18F.
So recently Tammi has told me that Bailey's boyfriend has cheated on her about two-three weeks ago. Bailey and her bf used to work together at the same place, until Bailey quit to work at a different place. And well the boyfriend has been chatting it up with a coworker who is a few years older than Bailey. They dated for a week until Bailey found out about this affair, her bf said "I thought you knew so I didn't know it would be a problem." Tammi then proceeded to tell me the other things that Bailey's bf has said to Bailey such as. "I don't know the difference between best friend love and romantic love" and "I think I am poly." Tammi did confront Bailey to tell her to leave, but Bailey said that she'll just let him be poly and basically laughed it off.
So a bit of context about Bailey and her bf's relationship. They live together in his parents house and they both pay his parents $200 each a month for rent. When Bailey needs to go to work or get picked up, her bf refuses to do either. Because he's too tired to wake up early to take her to work or simply does not want to do it. So sometimes my step dad would have to drive her to places. The reason why she can't drive herself is because she still has a learners permit, her name isn't on the insurance list so her bf doesn't want her to drive it and yes, he just doesn't want her to drive the car. They also have never been on an actual date. He doesn't buy her any gifts besides chocolate, including special holidays. And this isn't the first time that he has cheated on her. He cheated back in high school and Bailey decided to forgive and give him a second chance.
Bailey once told me that when he cheated on her back in high school she became really insecure. She barely takes care of herself. She stinks of heavy body odor with greasy hair. Her room was a huge mess when she used to live with my step dad. She even lost some of her friends because she chooses her fool of a bf over herself. I do worry about her overall health and I don't think she'll ever able to leave without intervention from our parents. But I also feel that it's not my place to tell my parents since Bailey told Tammi not to tell anyone at all. So I told Tammi that she should be the one to tell our parents.

I (15M) have fucked up my life by getting addicted to gaming at around 7 or 8. My mom (54F) and dad (64M) do so much for me and I dont really do much for them. All of this started around 2 years ago, when I got sent to a new, harder school. I slacked off, and got yelled at for it nearly every other day. All I would do is come home and play on my computer. When I got grounded for months on end, I would just continue on my laptop. Around the end of that school year, i got everything back and went back to how I used to, playing games. During the summer, all I did was go to work for 4 days a week then come home and do nothing besides play games. I didnt realize it but it was slowly destroying my mom just being cooped up in my room all day. This continued to about 3 weeks ago, where everything came to a head. I missed a few homework assignments and my mom snapped, screaming at me while I was mid call. I put my PC in the closet for about a week, and took it back out over the long weekend. Instead of studying for my finals, I went outside, and when I did come in and get on, I barely studied and just played games. Tonight things got bad and I realized im messing up my life, destroying my moms mental health, my own mental health and more. My PC is gone again, this time seemingly indefinitely. So thats why I came here, I need help. Just anything at all just please help.
TL;DR: Ive been destroying my and my moms mental health for more then 2 years by me being addicted to gaming, and I need help and advice on what to do.

Currently in Australia doing my second working holiday visa as a Peruvian native, born and raised. Good little break I wanted to take from teaching. Being here doing construction jobs and other odd things here and there has made me realize how much I miss teaching and just a more chill type of job like the ESL one I had in Lima.
Unsurprisingly in Peru you don’t really need a teaching certificate nor a BA to be able to teach. I did only 3 years (out of 6) of psychology in Lima then I dropped out and I do not have TEFL, TESOL nor CELTA.
However, I had a good lifestyle there. Great work life balance working only around 30h a week and making enough to cover my needs and save a bit. Ended up working for a private language school for 6 years.
I still want to keep traveling though which is why I plan to go to France and do a working holiday visa there as well, for a year. I’m planning to get my CELTA in Peru bc I feel it’ll be cheaper than doing it here in Australia.
My question is, will my experience + a CELTA be enough to find ESL teaching jobs in France? Or should I try to find something else when I get there?

I just read a post about how Eunchae should be protected more, and I could not agree more in that the vitriol towards her has gotten way out of hand.
In that post, I noticed that people kinda brushed passed the controversy of her teasing high school students as a non-issue (which, don't get me wrong, it definitely is), but I'd like to provide some cultural context because it was this specific moment that garnered the most hate for her among Korean kpop stans. Coachella doesn't even come close.
I want to explain why her comments generated so much outrage, and in particular, how her words were taken out of context and purposely made to sound so much worse.
The Situation (and the context)
On a 3/17 Weverse ~11min, Eunchae made a bit of a joke where poked fun at students having to get up early, saying that "That must be hard~ I had to do that too at one point too~~" and the conversation then continues onward with the other members about how difficult it was to get up that early during their student days.
This was combined with another live on 9/07 ~27min (though the context starts a few minutes prior) with Kkura. In it, the two of the discuss conversations with their non-celebrity friends. Boomer Kkura tends to just talk or text, which surprises Eunchae, since she almost always prefers to facetime instead (don't worry Kkura, same). Kkura mentions that the first thing she asks her friends are, "you haven't gotten married yet right?" whereas Eunchae says that her friends have been recently talking about becoming high school seniors. That topic closes with Eunchae talking about a recent conversation she had video call she had with her close friend, who complained that she had to get up early, upon which Eunchae teased her and says, "I start at 11 tomorrow! Hella lucky~"
Maybe a bit of a crass joke in the first clip, but nothing too major, right?
The Attack (and the twisting of facts)
This is where the usual suspects come in: Twitter.
Disclaimer: I'm going to be completely honest here. I don't follow Pann or FMKorea or all the other niche online communities except since the HYBE/MHJ situatio, but while researching this topic, I searched Eunchae's name on both sites to see how the situation unfolded (I can't really search theqoo very well because that site has the worst user-friendliness I've ever seen).
The situation blew up on March 15th (as far back as I can find), with this Twitter post blowing up and a Pann post (now deleted, restored w/ Wayback).
(Note, regarding the deleted Pann post, it was referenced in this YouTube video by one of those trash drama Youtubers and had 150k+ views at the time of their video)
There were also some pretty weird posts on Pann around this time, nitpicking her response in an EASY interview to say she thinks LSF was successful and spreading twitter posts of private documents to prove that she didn't get accepted to Hanlim (I will not be sharing this one.) Many comments at that point on Pann are still quite sympathetic to Eunchae, with the top comments defending her and telling the twitter bitches to go away (although the doxxing post still got 600+ upvotes and 300k+ views)
After this though, the narrative began to change, combining the clips above and turning it from Eunchae teasing students, to Eunchae teasing High School Seniors. And things began to take a huge shift.
After this began to spread, March 23rd, comments started to become more negative (example posts on March 17th and March 23rd).
Alright, I can hear you saying, students, high school students, so what?
Korean Seniors and the Suneung
If you're at all familiar with Korean culture, you know where I'm going with this.
The Suneung is the Korean equivalent of the American SAT, except it is so much more than that. If I had to explain it, the Suneung is your entire life. Imagine your college application, except screw your class grades, your extracurriculars, your letters of rec, your essay. The only thing that really matters is your SAT score.
It is a huge deal. The entire nation BBC article falls silent on the day of the Suneung. Stores close, construction stops, traffic is redirected, the stock market opens late. On the day of the Suneung, there are no flights.
It happens 1 time a year. Just once. If you miss it or get a bad grade, you repeat a year just to get a chance to retake it.
And high school seniors carry all of that stress. They are studying for a test that is the culmination of their entire education and determines their entire future. There are many, many stories of students falling into deep depression, even after doing well on the Suneung, because studying for that test consumed them to the point that they don't know what to do after it's over. These students study in excess of 15 hours a day, from 7am to 10pm.
You do not touch high school seniors, ever. There is a saying that even parents tiptoe around their kids once the test date nears.
Also, keep in mind that the primary demographic for kpop are young adults. People that are in school, preparing for this test that they will eventually have to overcome. Some of those people might be repeating a year (or two or three or four) while studying for that test.
And so, when the narrative shifted from Eunchae teasing a close friend about having to get up early to Eunchae making fun of High School Seniors for having to get up early, things turned ugly quick.
And then Coachella happened. And then MHJ opened her big mouth. And you guys know the rest.
So that's my little story. I hope this provided some insight as to why it seems like the hate for Eunchae seemed so particularly loud on the Korean side, and how she suddenly switched from nearly universally loved to the opposite.
In conclusion, fuck Twitter yo.
P.S. Is this post worth posting on the kpopthoughts subreddit? I'm split because it provides context, but also this has kinda flown by international eyes and I don't really want to accidentally add fuel to the flame. LSF and Eunchae have it hard enough as it is.
P.P.S. Sorry mods, I noticed the other post was removed. If this post breaks the rules, feel free to remove and I'll repost it in the weekly thread or something.

How would you design an algorithm to choose the US WAG Olympic Team, without changing the competition events (ie there's a two-day Nationals and a two-day Trials)?
The way I see it, there are two main components. First, you have to decide what score or scores to use, and then second, what to do with those scores.
(A) What score do you use? Some options for which meets to consider and how to weight scores:

1. Old school: US Nationals is weighted 40%, US Olympic Trials is weighted 60%, nothing else counts
2. US MAG Set 1 under 1.3.2b: average top 3 of 4 routines across Nationals and Trials
3. British (and some others): Top(?) score from a wider range of events, including e.g. 2023 worlds
4. Optimistic: highest score from US Olympic Trials
5. Washington Post "overall performance" approach: 75th percentile score from a set list of events
6. Rewarding good pacing: average of three scores - both days of Trials and better score from Nationals

(B) What do you do with the scores once you have them? Some options:

1. Take the highest scoring team (sum of scores ranked 1-3 on each event)
2. Take the top 5 all arounders
3. Take the team that maximizes the sum of scores ranked 2-4 on each event
4. Take the team that maximizes the sum of scores ranked 3-5 on each event
5. Take the top 3 all arounders, and then the additional pair of athletes who together make the highest all-around score (e.g. a Sacramone + Locklear pair)
6. Require a minimum score on each even to be considered for the team (maybe like an 11.5)
7. Look at all permutations within a certain range (e.g. 0.5) of the optimal one (however you define it) and choose the one that has the most medal contenders using pre-established score cutoffs

Hi everyone! I wanted to come on here and share my story in the hope that it might help someone.
I first started having migraines at 7 years old. I remember throwing up in the play ground so many times. The next day I'd be told by kids that I shouldn't be at school because I have a "tummy bug". The noise of school triggered my migraines a lot.
There are a lot of migraine sufferers on my mum's side of the family. My mum, grandma and great grandma all had them and so does my uncle.
When I was 14 I had a traumatic brain injury with bleeding on the brain that made my plight much worse. Even after I got over my injury, my migraines were worse for many years.
In my 20s I had ups and downs, periods where the migraines would be gone for a while and periods they'd come back more often. But I'd always usually have at least one a month (I know many people here have things so much worse and I feel for you so much.) I got very good at managing them.
Then when I was around 25-26 I had a period of time when my headaches became a daily occurance. I say headaches because they did seem to be somewhat different to migraines, with similarities. I'd wake up in the morning with a very strong headache and a bad feeling in my tummy. Medication and caffeine would help but I just couldn't understand what was going on. It seemed potentially alcohol related but then sometimes it would happen without me having had anything to drink, other times I'd have had a few drinks and nothing. I went through a bunch of medical treatments, nothing really helped.
Then when I was 26/27 I stopped eating dairy. I'd long suspected I had an intolerance and so I tried the elimination diet and figured out it helped me with many gut symptoms.
3+ years on I do not get migraines. The only times these come on is if I've had considerable amounts of dairy over the course of a number of days. It's so stark that it's almost like someone waved a wand.
Some other symptoms I've rid myself of: constant loose stool, feelings of inflammation in the stomach and gut that I just thought were normal, intense hyperactivity in the evenings (after large meal with dairy and a glass of wine), almost constant high resting heart rate.
I also want to say that the majority of headaches I've had throughout my life were definitely migraines. I was assessed by many doctors, I had all of the classic symptoms pre, during and post migraine. I won't list them as you know them yourselves.
I know that this won't be the case for many of you, if not most. But those of you who are suffering so much for many years, I really recommend you try an elimination diet to see if you have any food intolerances. At the end of the day, it's worth a shot! (Please don't take this as medical advice, I am not a medical professional, this is just what worked for me.)
Good luck to everyone, I understand your pain.

Hey everyone!
So, I read through the replies from the last thread and am so thankful for the advice. It was really eyeopening how insightful everyone was. Because truly I wasn't sure what this guy's deal was. So the goal of this date was to get more info like others suggested.
Anyway, we went on our third date and it was kind of interesting. He took me to an upscale restaurant, the kind where the waitstaff put the napkin in your lap for you haha. I think he could tell I was still a bit...cautious? So anyway he asked me if something was up, guess he could sense it. I did tell him I was a little skeptical about his situation so he did open up to me, which was kind of eye opening.
He told me he's always been passionate about art, studied it in school, and then after school went to go work for his family's company in the marketing department (he helped with their ads). He spent a few years doing that, but said it wasn't what he wanted to do, didn't like the office culture and felt out of place since the relationships were so fake since people knew who he was. So he quit and pursued art. He showed me his little art website (it was kind of cute haha), and told me he doesn't make any money from it and was a struggling artist, we shared a laughed which was nice.
But then he said he isn't totally inactive with the business, he attends the shareholder meeting every year, and he's on the board of their foundation and helps with coordinating donations(showed me the website with his name/picture listed). He shared a couple of the cool donations he helped with from around the world and he seemed really passionate about it. He didn't tell me before because "that's not really work" and he spends more time traveling and painting/art.
Anyway it was a nice dinner, he paid and then asked if I wanted to go on another date to paint some little ceramics at a small place in the city. He promised it's not to show off because in his words "I suck at painting". It sounds like a cute date so I think I'm up for it.

Thank you to anybody who reads this post. I've played magic on and off for a few years, did commander 5+ years ago, want to get back into it. Kaalia of the Vast is (in my opinion) the best flavor ever, and the deck looks really fun. But for some reason, every hand in moxfield playtesting is a BRICK. I don't want to purchase the deck if it will always brick, so I wanted to ask you guys for any optimizations you would make to it. Please keep in mind I DO NOT want to run mana crypt, jeweled lotus, dockside extortionist, etc. because I don't think anybody I play against will have fun running into $100+ cards. (Also, any cheaper substitutes for some of the more expensive creatures are things I am open to)
https://www.moxfield.com/decks/I5rLzEm3TE6WnhVDIIRQ8g Here is the link to my deck, I looked at so many different lists and cards and this was what I came up with. I just have no idea whether it makes sense, or if critical pieces are missing.
Also, if you have recommendations for other commanders that are more friendly to a commander-newbie such as myself, as well as any resources you think would help I will gladly accept them! I'm also looking at Uril, the Miststalker and Indominus Rex Alpha as potential commanders (I think my brain is too smol for indominus).
Again, thank you so much for taking the time to read this post. I'm really excited to get into commander and go to the shop on Sunday's and jam some games with people

If you intend to protest the assessed value on your property, here are some notes that may be helpful. These notes are focused for residences; for commercial or rental properties, there may be additional tips such as presenting an income analysis for the property.
If you had a large adjustment, be mindful of two things. First, the property values may be appreciating. The Omaha MLS showed median home prices up 9.8% from 2023-2024. The other issue is perhaps the assessed value hasn't kept pace with market trends the last few years, so the Assessor has to do a big catch-up. It's sticker shock, I know, but the flip is that you got a good deal the last few years.
Things that will not help.

• Saying how much the increase is "even though we didn't make any changes." It doesn't really show that your value is too high.
• Saying how much more your increase is than your neighbors. It doesn't really show that your value is too high.
• Saying "The Assessor has my property rated in good condition, but really it's average." That's really all relative to what other properties were rated. Now, if you can show photos or such to demonstrate the difference, that could be a different story.
• Complaining about the government.

Now, some tips to give yourself a stronger case.
Data. It drives any successful protest. Honest, applicable, data. No side stories, no complaining, just subject and market data.
For residential properties, the value is typically analyzed based on sales of other properties. Find sales of similar properties; there's no formula, but look for sales that are recent, nearby, and similar design. In short, sales that a typical buyer might look at when trying to figure out a fair price to pay for your property. Try to find sales near or before January 1 of this year.
The more detail you know about them, the better. Put them in a table that makes it easy for the referee to see how your property matches-up with those sales. Don't list every detail, but probably the main items like sale date, price, size, year built, amenities, etc.
Some protesters bring just the lowest-priced sales rather than the most similar sales. If the referee sorts that you're being manipulative rather than honest and transparent, it'll really hurt your case. Referees often run their own searches after the hearing, so it's best to be straightforward. Also be mindful that no one sale sets the value; the key is the broader market data.
There is one other way to protest based called equalization: demonstrate that you are being over-assessed relative to comparable properties. For example, if 3 other properties are just like yours but assessed less, then that can support an adjustment even if the value is not over market level. This one is a little tricky - the comparables have to have the same use classification, in the same county, and reasonably compete with your property. And it's not just that they have a lower assessed value, but that they have a lower assessment compared to their true value (the ratio is what's important). It can work, but doesn't have a very high success rate because protesters usually miss one of the requirements.
Let's see... what else... It doesn't really matter if you meet in-person, by phone, or not at all with the referee. The key is to provide data, which you can typically upload or email to the County. Also, nobody with the County or the referees are out to get you or pushing for high values; they're just reviewing the data.

Hi so I’m fairly new to this Reddit thing so I apologise if this sounds corny or stupid.
Okay so me and my now ex (I am freshly 19 she is soon turning 20) have been dating LDR close to a year now. I was the one who courted them and they were really scared I was going to hurt them and change on them. I assured them no that wasn’t going to happen, but it unfortunately did. So I’m currently diagnosed with ADHD and I was very much in denial for a couple of years about my own mental state and now in the waiting process to get neurosurgical therapy (I live in the uk where waiting lists could be up to 1 year) which isn’t an excuse for the way I treated them and it never will be. My ex has BPD. Only reason I’m up for advice is because no one knows who I am. Anyways back to the point so, my ex is the most genuine, sweet, compassionate, loyal and caring woman I’ve ever come across. She’s an amazing person and I can never forgive myself for the way I treated her throughout our relationship, I can’t begin to imagine how they feel. I didn’t cheat or anything and stayed loyal throughout however I have done things she didn’t like, like talking over her, making stupid jokes and it caused her insecurities to arise. I’m a very angry person and I don’t know why and I don’t want to be, there’s no way else to put it other than that I am a bad person. I guess we had our little “honeymoon phase” where everything was going very well and once it hit 4 months, was when it started going downhill. I got robbed out of 8k in pounds (which was a lot for me considering I’m a full time student and still trying to look for part time jobs amidst this recession we have here) and was still mourning over the death of my brother. Ever since then life’s been going downhill and because me and my ex would be on the phone 24 hours of the day 7 days a week, I wasn’t able to talk to anyone else but her and instead of learning how to cope with my trauma and anger it would be directed on her. Even typing this down I feel like the worst person on earth how could I do this to someone that loved me? Anyhow at the start of our relationship she mentioned her BPD and what she came with. I understood yet as much research as I did I wasn’t prepared for her “symptoms” but I’m in so much love I just took it all in and don’t regret it. Honestly only reason why I’m able to understand what I did wrong was because she told me and I still kept creating the same mistakes. I don’t know why. I’ve never woken up with anger or feelings of rage for her unless I was overthinking and thought she was cheating on me (random deletion of my posts from her page, deleting her highlights of me etc) and I tend to self sabotage a lot because of my insecurities. I think I’m a self aware narcissist but honestly I’m only going with that term because that’s what she used on me. And considering she says all I think is about myself and I’m selfish and I think I might be? I don’t want that to be true though but if it is then I want to get the help I need. We’ve broken up so many times within this year and everyone I had to beg to let me back in bc she was tired of me and rightfully so, I kept making promises that I would change yet no matter hours hard I tried I’d make and it would jeopardise our entire relationship and she would break up with me. Today I spoke over her and when she explained in an angry manner she told me I can speak after she’s done which in to light up the mood and said “when do you ever stop talking” she’s been fully done with me from then. Honestly I think she was done with me a while back because it seemed like everything I did just irritated her which I don’t blame I guess I can be annoying. A week prior to that she has already removed my face from her social media accounts but we were still in a relationship at that point we were doing fairly well we just didn’t speak as much since she was going out a lot more. Honestly I drained the life out of this person and yes maybe I’m selfish and don’t want to let go. I want to be better for them and love them in all their languages I’m not sure why I do what I do and I want to stop i just don’t know how. She’s very adamant she will never come back and I’m willing to keep fighting and trying until I can get her back but I don’t know how. I took too long in changing and maybe when I’m all better she just won’t want me anymore and has moved on. What do I do to get her back? I’m willing to try for years if needs be but how do I do that.
Sorry I just read this back and realised my adhd brain cannot tell a story without getting sidetracked lol. I’m going to post this anyways in the hopes that someone can help me and can understand what I’m saying.

I did a bunch of research before Phish and Dead and Co trying to find out which seats had haptics and which did not. I could not find a definitive list anywhere online, only that 10,000 seats had them.
We went to N1 for Phish and were too overwhelmed by the who experience to really think about it. Our first night of Dead and Co last Saturday was much of the same, but at least we were a little familiar with the venue and what we were in store for. We spent some time looking at the set up before the show. The haptics seemed to have two blatant visual indicators; a large plastic casing that housed the speakerumble function in the back of the seat and a small metal box every other seat that contained a fan that created the climate effects.
We got in really early Sunday and spent some time wandering around and checking out different sections. We pretty much went through all of the 100s, 200s, 300s, and 400s looking for the seats that didn't have haptics. There definitely are areas where they are just completely missing.
I'm fairly confident this is is a definitive list, but I did not look at every single seat. Let me know if you saw something different.
THESE SEATS DO NOT HAVE HAPTICS 100 Sections Rows 31 and higher Rows 23 and lower
200 Sections Section 201, entire section Section 211, entire section
300 Sections Section 301, last three rows Section 311, last three rows
400 Sections All Seats had haptics

I'll be in Manila Sat afternoon - Tues morning.
I'd like to eat mostly Street food. As a solo traveler, I prefer getting smaller portions so I can try more. It's also easier to have multiple options on one place
From some research, I've made a list:
Tutuban, ugbo, quiapo, Legazpi, binondo What are the hours for these markets? Are some not open at night? Are any not worth it? Did I miss any good ones?
Lots of articles recommend "Mercato Centrale BGC" but it seems to be closed. However I think there are other "Mercato Centrale" locations. Not exactly sure which ones is best.
My info may be out of date or wrong but that's what I found.
These are the main for of interest: Lechon, Adobo, sisig, tapsilog, lumpia, bbq (stuff in a stick), taho, turon, banana cue, halohalo
Which markets are best for which items? Which should I seek a restaurant? I'm limited on time so I can't go-to a restaurant for all. That's the reason for the street market. I plan to go-to a restaurant for lechon.
I'm not sure exactly where I'll go outside of food. Definitely okada to see the fountains. Also Intramuros, Rizal park, bay walk. I might check out some malls to get away from the heat

Long story short, a wind storm removed a handful of sections of tin roof allowing rain to leak into my house, which has ruined my dining room and belongings. For back story, it appears as if the dining room was an addition to the original blueprint of the house at some point long before I bought it.
When the contractors were gutting the room, they came across a litany of things not up to current code. A third party engineer came out and inspected it, giving a detailed list of things not up to code/require further inspection.
Direct list of things from the engineer’s report “We observed the following: -The addition framing does not match typical IRC framing methods. Permit research of the property did not show any permits for this type of work. -No hurricane ties are present at the roof rafter bearing. -The exterior wood studs are not continuous to the sill plate and the sill plate is stacked with gaps and offsets. Improper load path at wall framing. -The sill plates are not mechanically fastened to the foundation walls. Additionally, they do not match typical IRC detailing. -The floor joists rest directly on soil. The joists and sheathing are rotting from the top down. -The joists are not mechanically fastened to the foundation wall. -The foundation walls are ungrouted -The following architectural/MEP items were noted: -No apparent vapor barrier below the joists -Not adequate crawl space depth, per IRC code -No crawl space venting, appeared to be damp conditions below floor system -Floor and wall finishes appeared compromised due to the inability of proper air flow. -Unclear how the roof would be vented – if unvented, improper insulation techniques utilized -The roof slopes and roof intersections between them, as well as at the chimney, present inadequate water paths for drainage -Juncture of asphalt roofing to metal roofing is missing a high/low transition strip, therefore relying on adhesive sealants – prone to failure”
I have Law and ordinance (code upgrades) in my policy up to $40K, but my adjuster stated that they won’t cover any of the upgrades to things such as the improper foundation or framing since “they were not directly damaged from the peril” and instead currently plan on just covering the costs of redoing the drywall, flooring, and subfloor.
Perhaps I’m mistaken, but isn’t this exactly what code upgrades are for? If not in this specific instance, then when exactly are they used? I’m genuinely curious, because section 3 below makes me feel as if I’m entitled to utilize that portion of the policy given that I pay for it. The following text is directly from my insurance policy, specifically the law and ordinance subsection.
“Ordinance Or Law Coverage- If a loss by a PERIL WE INSURE AGAINST occurs to covered property, or the building containing the covered property, "we" will pay for the increased costs incurred due to the enforcement of any ordinance or law that is in force at the time of the loss. The maximum amount "we" will pay in any one loss is the amount shown on the "Declarations.” Payment is in addition to the amount of insurance applying to the loss.
"You" may use this coverage for: 1. the construction, demolition, renovation or repair of the portion of the building damaged by a PERIL WE INSURE AGAINST; 2. the demolition and reconstruction of the undamaged portion of the building if the entire building must be demolished because of damage by a PERIL WE INSURE AGAINST: 3. the removal or replacement of the undamaged portion of the building because of the repair or replacement of the portion of the building damaged by a PERIL WE INSURE AGAINST; 4. or the removal of debris resulting from the construction, demolition, renovation, repair or replacement of Item 1. 2. or 3.
Ordinance Or Law Coverage does not include coverage for: -loss in value to any covered building due to the requirements of any ordinance or law; or -the cost to comply with any ordinance or law requiring the testing, monitoring, cleaning up, removing, containing, treating, detoxifying, neutralizing, responding to or assessing the effects of any solid, liquid, gaseous or thermal irritant, pollutant or contaminant in or on any covered building.”
Will somebody please help me break down exactly what that all means? Am I just being strong armed by my adjuster in order to keep the total claim amount low, or am I truly the one that has to foot the bill on those things?
Thank you in advance, kind experts of the Redditverse <3

I might be a dick and spoiled brat for making this post, but here goes…So for the past 2 years I’d been living at home, working and going to community college. In the first semester of school, my parents bought a new car. They told me “it’s mine” and all I had to do was pay insurance. I of course was extremely happy and grateful! At the time we had three cars. Fast forward two months. One of our three cars breaks down, and so now my dad and I are sharing a car. I drop him off at work in the mornings, and then go to school and work. No biggie, that’s fine! Here’s where it got bad. After smooth sailing for two months, I had to get used to sharing the car, which was no big deal. Except it kinda was! I could no longer go anywhere without clearing it with my dad and making sure he didn’t wanna use it, (which is fine and reasonable), any time I stayed out past 10:00 I’d receive several calls and texts from him saying I need to bring back “his car” (we didn’t even establish a curfew) and sometimes, out of the blue, when hanging out with my girlfriend or friends, he’d just decide to tell me he needs the car and I gotta bring it home. Oh, and I’d also have to hear out drunken rants on the weekends and weekday nights about how it’s his car and I shouldn’t be driving it. Oh, and I should mention there have been multiple times I almost straight up missed work shifts or important events because of his nonsense. Then Monday morning it’s back to “Ohhh no I didn’t mean it, that’s YOUR car son.” Bullshit. I put up with this erratic behavior and demands for two years till I got enough credits to move out to university. And the month before, my parents bought my sister a car, in order to relieve the stress of only having two. They wouldn’t let her use it till I was gone though, so my mom used her car, my dad used my mom’s, and I got free rein of “my car” again. It was a great 3 weeks. Going to school, I gave up the car fully to my dad. Now, fast forward to May. I’m back home from school to work my summer job, and I’m relying on rides from them to get places, since I was taken off the insurance until I can pay for it again. Which is fair! But here’s the part that really irks me. My sister comes and goes as she pleases, in her new car. She never faces drunken rants from my dad, and she never has to answer to anyone about where she drives her car. Hell, they even pay for her gas + insurance! She’s 17, and all her money goes to shoes, shopping, and other bullshit with her friends. And all she had to do was pay them $1000. She OWNS the car! She’ll get to take it to college and everything! My mom’s excuse for this was that I didn’t seem all that interested in having my own car. HUHH?? What kind of adult doesn’t want help buying a car? I would totally have done that to finally feel some relief from my dad’s bullshit. And if her other excuse was that I didn’t have the amount saved up, then I could’ve easily saved $1000 in a matter of a month or two. The whole thing just pisses me off because they aren’t treating my sister the same at all. She’s 17, and none of her paycheck goes to the car, or even insurance. And she always has an attitude or some snide thing to say to my parents. The epitome of a disrespectful teenager. I had to still pay for insurance, plus school, and gas! And I also had a drunken asshole calling me abruptly to bring back his car when I already cleared my plans with him the day before! I just feel bitter because I don’t understand why they are treating her so differently than when i was driving. I really wish they never told me “it was my car.” Ugh.