Financial aid appeal letters examples

Hello,
I am trying to get a nexus letter for my injuries, A gentleman from American Legion is helping me but my Dr said he can't access my medical records and wasn't going to do one. Idk if he doesn't know how to do one..
So I gave AM contact info to my doctor because the gentleman from American legion said he will clear up any confusion and show him an example.
Now my question is: why will prevent me from getting this nexus letter?

27F. Genuinely curious what other people think of how I'm doing money wise. I see people on FIRE that are my age talking about reaching a $500,000 net worth and it gives me anxiety, so this is an effort to self soothe and also gain some potential advice.
Note I live in a HCOL city (LA) and am not willing to move, I need my own apartment to be with my cat and live near my boyfriend and I refuse to live with a roommate for my own mental health.
Net worth (excluding debt)
Amex HYSA: $8,700
401K: $4,090 (I contribute 2%, my employer matches up to 3% but I need the money right now as I am trying to get my credit cards down to 0 before the 0% is up in September. Then I will switch it back to 3%)
Charles Schwab brokerage: $20 in SWVXX lol
Debt (I live off my credit cards for the points):
Capital One Savor One: $1,558 (food)
Wells Fargo Cash Back: $1,807 (all other purchases including bills)
Income:
$83K a year - $4,502.80 a month ($2,251.40 biweekly). This is after my 401K and health insurance deductions. Taxes eat me alive as my company is based in NY and I am based in LA.
I also sell my old clothes on Poshmark which can bring in an extra $100 a month sometimes.
Monthly Expenses:
Rent: $2,264
Food: $500
Wifi: $71.99
Electric: $140 (It's about $280 bimonthly)
Therapy: $180
Gas: $100 (I do not have a car payment as my parents gave me a car)
Prescriptions: $40
Psychiatrist: $45
Cat: $50
Self care: $100
Apple music: $10.99
Resume now subscription: $3
Miscellaneous expenses: $100
I live off my credit cards, and I throw all my money at them every month but can never seem to pay them both down to 0 as some unexpected expense always comes up that sets me back (For example, this month I had to go to urgent care which was $100). Sales tax in LA and general inflation in general is awful here so with a few miscellaneous expenses I've easily blown $100-$300 over the month. Also, I care about how I present myself so I can spend an extra $100-200 on that a month whether it be hair, makeup, clothes, skin, etc.
My financial goals include getting $20k in my HYSA before pivoting to investing with any of my spare money (even though I do not have any experience with this my plan would be to find low risk mutual funds that pay healthy dividends or returns). Future forward I would like to retire by 70 with $80,000 a year.
In terms of buying a house, I haven't even considered it since it feels so out of reach in my area. Aesthetics matter to me and any house under $1 mil here looks like shit / is in a bad area, so I'm not interested unless my partner and I get married, and he starts making a significant income (he's a successful music producer with a lot of earning potential). We could probably source help from both of our parents for a down payment should the opportunity present itself.
Any advice and criticisms are highly welcomed. Thanks y'all

i still have yet to receive my financial aid award packet😣should i be worried. i’ve seen a lot of students say they’ve received theirs. (im thinking i haven’t received mine because i applied to those scholarships on scholarship universe, but idk)

I am interested in moving downtown Toronto and experiencing the city life while I'm young but I can't find a job or create a solid plan to be able to pull the trigger.... I have education and decent experience in university financial administration but have had no luck in my job search.... I'm currently a financial aid officer making about 73k a year but would most likely need to find a new job as my current job wouldnt allow fully remote. I have applied to UofT approx 30-40 times since January all to comparable jobs paying about 80k which I think should be manageable on a city budget but i haven't even gotten an interview... I've applied elsewhere with no luck and l'm willing to switch sectors to make enough money to live the city live but don't know where to start. Does anyone have any tips and tricks or advice for someone looking to move downtown and job searching?
Thank you in advance!!!

I have tried out Phonak and Oticon low tech level hearing aids. Do you have a trusted audiologist who uses all the best practices for hearing aids? Example: Real Ear Measurement.

Letter to my Avoidant Ex - I need your opinions, from Avoidant and non-avoidant people
Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to this message. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at (our last activity together) on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻‍♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now

Letter to my Avoidant Ex - I need your opinions, from Avoidant and non-avoidant people
Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to this message. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at (our last activity together) on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻‍♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now

Letter to my Avoidant Ex - I need your opinions, from Avoidant and non-avoidant people
Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to this message. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at (our last activity together) on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻‍♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now

Letter to my Avoidant Ex - I need your opinions, from Avoidant and non-avoidant people
Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to this message. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at (our last activity together) on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻‍♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now

Original post here
Well after the strangest interaction with my partner I decided to leave public accounting for good.
During a one on one meeting with my partner I decided to bring up her call last week.
Please see a rough sketch of the conversation below:
Me: While we still have time I'd like to discuss the call we had last week. I would like to know what prompted it.
Her: [Manager] said not a lot of progress was made on [audits] and I wanted to make sure you had your priorities right.
Me: Okay. I was surprised by the call because I thought we had discussed my workload earlier in the week and I thought we were on the same page. I would have liked a heads up about the topic of the call because I wasn't expected to be told to rearrange my schedule.
Her: It's not always possible to give someone a heads up. Think about it, if we were in the office and I asked you to stop by my office you wouldn't know what it was about.
(Context: She is NEVER in the office. Like honestly maybe once a month if that)
Me: Okay....
I didn't really know what to say? I guess she doesn't think/remember speaking to me coarsely last week but it was quite jarring. What she said was also a non-sequitur. But we are communicating remotely so why does an in office example matter??
Later I tried to end the meeting on a positive note
Me: I think I'm making good progress on [audits]. I caught numerous errors in the prior files [goes on to list major important items missed]. I also am trying to improve referencing because I found somethings confusing and want to make reviewing easier and easier to follow for whoever works on the audits next her.
Her: Make sure you're mindful of the budgets. Don't let improvements take up too much time. We are way over budget on [main audit client, which we were not currently discussing]. Maybe save some improvements for after the audit, not everything needs to be perfect.
Me: Okay....
Guys, I'm not talking about formatting and making things neat. I'm talking about there literally being NO documentation in the prior year binder for some very important footnotes, footnotes being completely wrong, and trying to make testing easier. This current project has unique testing and the documentation was so poor that my staff was struggling to follow how to complete testing. Also, the client she referenced has NEVER been on budget in the entire life of the portfolio. She intentionally underbids on the audits and then acts like surprised pikachu ever year when it's never on budget.
Conclusion: I have made my peace with being done with public accounting. I polished my resume, connected with some recruiters. I'm going to hold out for my summer bonus and then see what else is out there. I am NVER working a 60+ hour week ever again in my life. I feel so relaxed already. Once I realized things would never be good enough, I feel that it is so easy to move on.
TL;DR: I'm done drinking the kool-aid. I'm ready to exit public accounting. I'll post another update once I land a new gig.

I had the following idea on how to financially support Twitch and simultaneously motivate users in the chat. I call it "routed donations".
This mainly concerns smaller streamers, with around 100 people in the chat.
Often, I find that some fellow chat members are very helpful. And I have no other way to reward them besides gifting a subscription.
What if there were "routed donations"? Donations that could be sent to people in the chat? I could send money: 1/3 would go to the streamer, 1/3 to the helpful chat member, and 1/3 to Twitch (for example).
This would motivate users in the chat to be more active; financial motivation works like magic and would attract some new people to the chat.
Twitch would partially solve its problem with donations because this money would flow through its platform, instead of 3rd party providers. They would implement user wallets that work exclusively through Twitch.
Besides fostering a more engaged community, the streamer would have additional income.
Twitch could even venture into the world of financial institutions since every user would have a Twitch wallet. This could lead to some interesting possibilities (Twitch credit cards).
A long-term problem is the quality of people in the chat; what do you expect for free? Financial motivation would work just like it does on social networks, StackExchange, or Twitch itself. People in the chat would start putting in more effort.
What’s wrong with this idea? 🙂

This post is mainly a response to the many posts I saw about debunking the pleasure part, which is also one of the things I found most difficult. I also talk about the habit formation with pmo, since I think it is important to consider this and it should not be overlooked. Hope this helps and apologies for the large (and messy) body of text but else the post would feel incomplete. As I also say at the end, I would like to stress that this is not a blue print/quick fix for solving this problem. It is just the information which helped me work my way out of this. It's of course possible that it doesn't work for you but I thought why not share what helped me :)
POST:
A part of this immense pleasure is obtained by you choosing to engage in this activity, whether it feels like that or not, there is a point in time where you (however quickly) make the decision to enter this magical fantasy realm where pmo is the most greatest thing. Once you become aware of this fact that you are actively doing this, you will see that it is a choice every single time. (I know that you already understand this, but still felt the need to say it since it is essential) For me, this was the most important step, since from here I could ask myself, why am I doing this.
Don’t underestimate the role which habits play with this behaviour. They can make it feel like it just happens automatically, but it just happens very fast. I am not only talking about the habit of initiating the pmo/firing up a website but about the dozens of other habits that come into play, habits of thought primarily. These habits of thought also correspond to certain thoughts you might already have debunked. That is, for example, I might have debunked the idea that pmo provides stress relieve, but what is still possible, and what has happened to me, is that the habit of thinking that pmo does this is still there. I think that this habitual part of the behaviour is what many people write off as the ‘addiction’ since it is something which feels almost automatically. But again, IT IS NOT!!! It is a (pattern of) habit(s) which have been constructed by your past behaviour, which makes total sense. To tackle this and exercise your free will in getting rid of these habits and solving this problem, being mindful is your friend.
Before continuing on this mindfulness, I think it’s important to add that seeing pleasure in pmo is also one of the habits developed through these actions (pmo). Again, this doesn’t mean you’re forced to see it as pleasurable, it’s just that it has been made easier and more efficient to do so. It honestly feels as the start of a weird and abstract infinite sequence of habits but when thinking about it, isn’t it true that attributing value to this pleasure (which is constructed by choice/habits) is also a habit? To me it seems like it is, since this is again something most of us have been doing for a long time and whether we like it or not, something that we have seen great benefit in doing (even though we might not feel this way).
To continue on being mindful, it is indeed true that through changing your preferences and debunking certain aspects of pmo, solving this problem becomes infinitely easier than with the willpower method. But this doesn’t mean, at least for me it didn’t, that there is no effort/discomfort involved in solving it. After all, you seek a change in your behaviouhabits, a behaviour which you have been doing for a certain (long) amount of time. Being mindful is key here to notice what you are doing and which course your day/ your life can and is taking and how you can influence this. (I highly recommend meditating for this!) Dealing with these habits is something I like to see as bringing these in your conscious realm so you can consciously change it.
When you want to change something in your life, sometimes a certain amount of courage is needed. This part is the one which I struggled with the most. Choosing to pmo and choosing to experience pleasure from it can give the sensation of an easily accessible sort of warm blanket if you will. But I knew that it was time to move on, which anyone can!!!, and knew that it was necessary for me to step out of this comfort zone ( I know I sound as one of those mindset guru’s, which I don’t like, but bear with me). This is where you might feel scared or a similar sensation of anxiety, since you’re encountering unknown territory, and that’s exactly where the courage is needed. To take a leap of faith and try new things.

To continue on the pleasure part, there is nothing wrong with seeking pleasure/magic in one’s life. In fact, this is something which can bring much happiness. But, as you might have experienced, too much of it is also possible and not necessarily better than a lesser amount. My point is that pleasure is, by the very fact that you are on this subreddit, not your ultimate goal in life. Because if it was, your pmo behaviour wouldn’t be a problem and you would probably turn it up a notch!
For me, seeing pleasure (by pmo, or any pleasure if you will, although different discussion) as something that can add value to something but most definitely not as equal to the value caused pmo and its pleasure to be taken off this pedestral on which it has been put on, which is also why nofap fails for most since it only endorses this pedestral.
Thus the debunking of the pleasure came down for me as truly seeing it as a choice and then asking myself (multiple times): “Does this attributing of pleasure/magic to pmo give me something that is worth doing in my life, i.e. is it part of something that I want in life. “
In other words, the key was not debunking the pleasure itself, but rather the value which I attribute to this pleasure!!!
Again this debunking takes time, since, as mentioned above, many habits are involved in this and it takes some courage to change this behaviour and move forward in your life. Also, some think that they should completely debunk pmo and the pleasure to the point of absolutely hating it. This is, in my opinion, making it harder for yourself than it actually is and most of the time leads to then moping over still seeing pleasure in it and then succumbing to this apparently inherent pleasure. So please don’t chase this.
To conclude, when someone says: ‘but there is oh so much pleasure in it’ or rather ‘Why wouldn’t I choose to see so much pleasure in it?’. Notice that then, at that moment, this person is (indirectly) saying this type of pleasure is, at that moment, your ultimate goal in life, since it stands above everything else at that moment. This is why finding meaning in other things in life is effective for many, since it gives different options to fulfill your life. I know that I’m going philosophical with this, but for me it helped tremendously to think about and find out what I want to do with my life and how pmo is gonna attribute to that. Short-term-pmo-type-Pleasure is not the ultimate goal in my life is what I found out. Just like many others, I have been exposed to pmo from a very young age, which caused me to grow up with it. My whole puberty and my first years in my twenties have been with pmo. Because of this, I had a certain lack of knowing what I was missing, I could only dream about it. For me, this made it more difficult to find other things in life to value as I valued pmo. This is again where the courage was needed, so for the last time as a message to you, find the courage and find that you are the master of your own life.
I mainly talked about the pleasure aspect and habit forming concerning pmo but there are of course many other factors to consider when making decisions about this. One final thing I would like to add is that this is not a blueprint or whatsoever to quit pmo or to change your life. This is simply information, mostly derived from the freedom model and self insight, which helped me debunk the benefits and solve this pmo-problem. I can only hope that it can aid you aswell.
Let me know if you have questions/remarks, i’m always open for conversation!

How do we apply for aid for summer classes? I filled the fafsa for this year, and has been awarded financial aid during fall, winter, and spring quarter. Am I automatically eligible for aid during the summer, or should I apply independently for aid?

Is it worth to stay on campus for housing will i get more financial aid if i stay on campus? ( im taking 16 credits this summer)

Hello there, friendly internet people! My name's Alex, and I'm looking to make some awesome friends with other mentally healthy, well-rounded, and energizing people who are local or close by. I'm open to connecting with anyone, regardless of (18+) ages, genders, and marital statuses, as long as you are mentally and emotionally mature and passionate about something we can enjoy together or teach each other about!
I'm 29, single, 5'9", around 160 lbs, white (Eastern European), and in slim fit shape. I recently moved to Land O Lakes, FL. I have no kids, live a drama-free life, and don't do drugs, smoke, or drink.
Personal things I enjoy doing/value (in no particular order):
playing tennis or mini-tennis aka pickleball (would love to find consistent partners!)
scenic runs/walks (esp around lakes or parks)
cooking meals/meal prep
listening to music (enjoy anything upbeat and exciting like pop, EDM, and classic hits. Only things I generally dislike are hardcore rap, country, and heavy metal basically)
learning new things (esp self-improvement, business, investing, tech, science, philosophy, psychology, medicine)
Always honest, open, deep/personal communication
exercise (toned but not like 9-inch biceps lol. I run a few miles 1x a week, walk quite a bit, and then workout ~2x a week)
and then watching movies (mainly sci-fi, action, comedy. esp like deep ones that make you think such as Interstellar, Inception, Limitless, etc), shows, memes, educational/funny youtube vids, etc. I love to share random things that remind me of you after getting to know you a bit.
I want our time together to help us connect/learn about each other but also both fuel up on whatever we most need to grow as people. For example, us working out together to make sure we keep each other accountable for staying active. Or maybe we had an intense week and needed some downtime by walking in a park, tennis, or something. Or working on improving each other's businesses, financial plans, etc by sharing our knowledge or strengths.
That's the kind of connection I want to strive to make! And hopefully, if YOU also started imagining scenarios and thinking something like "wow, that would be so NICE to have a connection like that!" Then you should definitely send me a message!

TLDR: The fourth paragragh is the actual discussion, first three are for context.
I was in a holy war with the Danelaw for Lancaster, because Halfdan had declared a war on me which I managed to win, destroying his armies and killing him, which broke Danelaw’s alliance with Sweden. This seemed to me the perfect time to swoop in and take some land, so I declared war, immediatly taking down Haestienn’s army then moving in to destroy the Danlaw’s forces. The Suðreyjar had joined and was with Danelaw, but that was no matter, I still had more soldiers and am a fantastic commander. Then the worst thing happened, the enemy armies did a little loop as I was chasing them down and got to one of my allies’ army before I got to them. Too late did I realized what had happened, and now an entire battle had to be fought under Powys’s pathetic excuse of a commander.
This disaster brought my war score from +8 to -42, half of my army was destroyed and Powys’s army was brought to a mere 130ish. Time to call in the big guns, Scotland, well. . . Alba, but either way I didn’t call them in at first because it would’ve cost all my prestiege and I should’ve had this war in the bag. Now that didn’t matter, I needed men instantly because the powerful af vikings would regenerate men at quadruple the speed I would. Alba came to my aid and together we could defeat the Danelaw (as long as it was under my command), but what’s this? Danelaw’s now 6000 men are going to get to Alba’s 4500 before I can get my 2200 there, and Alba is just standing there!?
I was yelling at Alba through my screen, “RUN! NO! GET AWAY, THEY’LL KILL YOU!” Alba stood it’s ground on a hill in the middle on the Danelaw as all my might was running to his aid hoping that Organized March would speed me up enough. Abla was promptly destroyed and the now unbeatably strong Danelaw turned it’s eyes on my army, locked into a movement to a barony bordering they’re own men. That was it, my last hope at winning this once simple war was gone, this whole war has been a waste and now I can’t do a thing for 5 years and even then, Danelaw’s army will be back at their full strength of 12,000 and mine only 3000.
I think that commanders’ advantages should stack or something, so that the advantage of each allied armies commander would add up in a battle, for example if me (+42) and my ally (-30) were in a battle with the enemy (+11) and his ally (-2) the total advantage would be +3 in my favor and it would roll from there. Or maybe the best commander in a battle is the one that the advantage is based off of. I’m really just sick of fighting battles under a commander with -30 advantage while my +42 advantage ass is leading my army, just because the game decided that my pathetic ally (that I only called in to boost my numbers) is leading the battle. This is like the 8th time that I’ve had an entire war screwed up because of this issue.
Edit: Okay, this time I was lucky, the war wasn’t nessisarily over after that last battle just -93%, I made an alliance with Ireland, called them in and managed to win the war, but my complaint is still there, because if the advantage thing happened again I would’ve lost.