I miss my friend letter

Hey, former weed smoker and recently broken up with. decided to put it down a week before she called it quits (blindsided me). Emotions hit me like a train. I’m usually very blunt and nonchalant with my emotions for the last few years (probably because of the weed), but this girl was rly different. We both smoked a lot. I mean ALOT. It was our comfort thing to do. However, I knew my laziness from smoking and getting comfortable doing ntn was affecting us, mostly because it started affecting me. This thought is what initiated me to quit (too late, lol). Coming on two months post breakup and still don’t feel much better. I don’t plan to smoke, but want to know if anyone had a similar situation. She quit a random week a month ago and started to txt me that she missed me and never loved me more. She started smoking again and then started to txt me very bluntly again. We’re still friends and I’m helping her move back home across the world. I feel she hasn’t grieved the relationship at all because of the weed and it may hit her later? However idk. Anyone with any experience in the weed and breakup department, lmk how you dealt with it besides smoking lol

After we broke up, we got back together within 1.5 years (we did no contact). During that break, she made a connection with someone but it didn’t go past a kiss. She never told me about it when we started talking again, but I eventually found out. Now that I reflect back on it, I wonder what if we never got back together? What if she pursued this connection instead? What if it manifested into a new relationship? What if her being in a new relationship means that I can possibly still have her in my life as a friend?
A part of me wishes that when we reconnected, she led with letting me know she met someone she was interested in, even if it was short-lived. I wonder if the mid-20’s me would’ve encouraged her to pursue that connection, instead of trying to chase her again. Is this person a better fit for her? Would being with someone else mean that she’ll dodge a bullet with the trauma and pain she’ll experience by being with me again?
I think it hurts more that she’s no longer in my life now (it was a messy break-up, no longer in talking terms and never will be) and it’s sinking in even deeper as I’m navigating through some tough times in my life. Now that I’m processing it and unpacking everything as well as healing all at the same time, the suppressed memories and trauma continue to resurface and the “what if” scenarios keep playing in my head.
She taught me how to let my guard down. She always held space for me. I miss the safe haven she created. I miss the softness of her heart and soul. Damn, I just really miss her.

Hi all I'm posting because I'm really concerned about my cousin. We don't live in the same country anymore. His mom called me saying he's been feeling depressed and sort of out of it lately. I haven't talked to him in a while but we were always close when we were younger. I called him last night and told him how much I've missed him but he seemed really uninterested in talking to me. He said he told his mom not to bring her friends over to her house because he says they keep poisoning his food. He sounds very bothered but his mom swears to me nothing is going on with her friends. And now he's accusing his sister of poisoning his food.
I'm really concerned because he never acted like this. He has a history of abuse from his father that now lives in another country.
He has a history of drug use like MDMA, LSD, and Shrooms.
He doesn't want to go to doctor to get help. I need to know how to interact with him and convince him to get help.

I'm exhausted. Why do I care so much when I've been shown otherwise?🤷. I logged off yesterday. Then within a couple hours of feeling relaxed this sadness came over me. Do you get like that as well? Where all of the sudden a surge of emotions overwhelm you?... They come out of left field...I never experienced this before. Not to this degree anyway. Ever since my feelings for you came to fruition this sorta stuff started to happen last year and this year. I'm not saying it's related to you but ffs I really wish I could understand it better.
So, when those feelings of sadness overtook me I decided to write you a love letter. Now I feel ok. Like everything is ok now. I'm really tired though. I deserve a break. Like Elizabeth Barrett Browning... When she writes that poem... How do I love thee... I mean she's like "I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears, of all my life!"... I mean this love is exhausting at times... It's why at the end she's like look Robert... Check it... "I shall but love thee better after death."... Poor thing is exhausted from loving him so much...
It's how I feel sometimes. When you love without any return... And yet, even though you haven't received a message... You somehow still manage to love them fiercely...
One thing I hoped for was to at least be your friend. To ask if you need anything of me? Anything I could help you with in anyway. Offer support during stressful times... Cheer you up if you're down or even send a care package with goodies. It's what I love to do...
What is it about certain people in your life? They make you look foolish at times ... And you don't seen to be bothered by it as well. I guess it's really a goofy sorta vulnerability if anything. Like I could totally see myself running barefoot across a field of stickers just to say Hi...
Perhaps my love is more in line with enthusiastic devotion with subtle hints of nuttiness...
I miss you... I miss who we were to each other.

I’ve been suicidal for so long, I’ve tried therapy I’m on medication and it does really really help, but being alive just hurts so much. I’m not very good at it. I don’t have any friends and I don’t speak to my family. If I died no one I care about would actually miss me (some would be sad, but I don’t care about them lol).
I wish it was easy. I wish it wasn’t so scary. My old reason for staying alive was literally to just ‘have fun’ through books/movies/shows/music/art I really like. It’s still a nice reason, I do like reading and watching stories people come up with. But it really really really really really really really really really hurts to be alive.
I’ve made so many fucking posts to this sub. I wish it was easier. I wish my life was better. I wish I was dead. I wish I killed myself when I was younger. I wish I never made it this far. It really does hurt. Trying to come up with a plan just fucking sucks because of the low chances I’ll succeed.
I wish when I go to sleep tonight that I don’t wake up. Maybe I’ll buy rat poison and mix it in a drink or some shit idfk.
I wish I did like being alive. I really am trying But it sucks so fucking much And it hurts every fucking day I wish I don’t wake up But I can only fucking dream

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- - - - -
It had been a few weeks since Altier was brought to the run-down shack that his black-scaled companion likely called home, and he could now comfortably say he was accustomed to the…household’s routine. The kobold typically left at the crack of dawn, returned a little after noon, and occasionally left again to forage until nightfall. When the weather was bad or there wasn’t a particular need for something, they half-heartedly chased their rabbit around for a bit, which usually ended with a bout of quiet petting while everyone got ready for the night. It was always amusing to see the energetic side of what he had come to know as a relatively lazy loaf of an animal. As for the routine of the ferrorabbit in question… Well…it was at least more interesting than expected.
Hoppit would begin his own series of activities as soon as his caretaker left—the first of which being a check of every nook and cranny in the shed. He sniffed at anything that caught his interest, varying from morning to morning, but he gave every object or corner its due attention. Once he was satisfied with that, he would eat some of the ragged plants that made up most of his diet, take a drink from his bowl, then jump onto the tro— table and plop himself down, his ears pivoting towards the door. It was hard to say if the lounging spot had been established before Altier’s arrival, but it was somewhat amusing to pretend that the little rabbit was standing guard over his core—if it wasn’t for one particular part of the morning ritual, that is.
Indeed, the ferrorabbit had a habit of licking the obsidian orb that sat in the middle of the room, which thankfully didn’t seem to perturb the system enough to give Altier a headache. He was confused when it first happened, but it was commonplace enough now that he barely acknowledged it. A part of him liked that he was getting attention as a core, even if it was delivered via a strange grooming method. The closest he got to being acknowledged as something other than ‘the dungeon’ was through an unfortunate misunderstanding that he could never properly rectify. He supposed that was hardly worth thinking about now, though; too much time had passed for there to be anyone left to correct. The little oddity of his mornings would have to suffice.
There wasn’t much to comment on as far as the rest of the day’s happenings. Hoppit would end his loafing by shaking his head and ears in a way that filled the silence with soft clacks, give the core a customary tongue bath, then jump off the table to nose his way out of the shed through a hole that was hidden by the storage cart against the wall. Where the rabbit went was anyone’s guess, but he always returned before anyone noticed he was gone, and often did so while covered in small cuts and scratches. Any blood from the lacerations was quickly licked off before it could be seen by the kobold, and in the event that the scaly caretaker happened to return earlier than expected, Hoppit would scurry over to the bundles of blankets to finish the cleanup in secret.
Today looked to be following the usual pattern. The kobold left bright and early with various gardening tools and a wooden pail, and Hoppit had since set off into the great unknown for one reason or another. Hopefully, he returned less injured than usual. It was frustrating to admit that Altier had begun to grow rather fond of the fluffy creature, and seeing the thing come back hurt was bothersome. Was it off looking for food? There wasn’t a whole lot given to it, so that was a possibility, and it could be getting into fights over whatever it found. That still didn’t explain why the animal was so thin, and Altier didn’t have enough to go off of to think of a potential solution. He wanted to help it in some way, like by summoning a creature to act as an escort, or maybe just by manifesting something edible like he once could. No, he could only stare at the ‘Synchronizing…’ that occupied his menu, wishing he had more information to work with.
He never thought he would miss the bombardment of notifications and their lingering presence that filled the edge of his mental vision; at least with that he could surmise enough to hazard some kind of action. Even knowing why the menu was acting the way it did would be a start. Yet, try as he might, there wasn’t a history for him to reference anymore, and he had nothing to work with. He was confident the last message had asked him to ‘accept’ something, then took his befuddled ponderance as an answer, but he was no closer to an explanation for what it wanted, nor why it prompted him in the first place. He just didn’t have another experience to compare against, since nothing like that had ever happened before. Not that he was ever in much of a position to allow it.
The entire purpose of having Altier inhabit a core was for him to become a dungeon of Decay, which entailed all the skeletons, poisons, acids, and whatever else came to mind when one pictured the concept. ‘Living’ creatures were something he only had the chance to experiment with near the beginning of his new existence, though he never dabbled past the first few insects before transitioning to the mindless undead. Having a thinking, feeling, breathing entity touch his core was a rite reserved only for the adventurers and soldiers that bested his trials, and that was usually a painful experience. Now, he had spent what he could only guess was hours being held by a kobold, followed by having a rabbit bump against him, and neither felt like what he came to expect. Instead, both had led to a completely novel reaction from the system. The strange circumstances put him at a bit of a loss as to what it all meant for him.
Sure, he could dismiss the deluge of errors from his companion’s involvement by pointing to the numerous ‘corrupted’ messages before it, and Hoppit was a part of mostly unexplored territory, but the lack of clarity nagged at the back of his mind constantly. Being exposed to activity after potential decades or centuries of unchanging solitude made him despise the informational dead end. If he couldn’t make sense of the rabbit’s circumstances, then he didn’t have much hope of deciphering the reason for why his system was misbehaving so terribly. He also didn't know much about the one who owned the decrepit holdings he was housed inside.
He still wasn’t sure what drove the kobold to take him from the cave. His suspicion of becoming traded goods fell flat after the first week or so, and he hadn’t noticed any cult-like behaviour, which was promising. Granted, a lack of nefarious behaviour didn’t mean there was a lack of nefarious intent, but he didn’t get the impression his companion held that either. The kobold itself didn’t seem quite settled on an opinion of his core, though it was up for debate if the hesitation was due to knowing what he was or not. They seemed to mull something over before bed each night, yet never reached a satisfactory conclusion, staring at the obsidian orb through weary grey eyes until they eventually forced themselves into sleep.
Whatever the underlying reasoning for his abduction was, he had observed enough to know that the kobold didn’t deserve to live in destitution. As beaten as the shed might be, they cared for it as best they could, and did so without a single groan or grimace of complaint. The floors were cleaned with a tattered rag and fresh water, dust was removed regularly, and any stray mess that Hoppit made was dealt with promptly. They even took the time to wipe off his core, which was possibly where the ferrorabbit got the idea to start licking him. The only time Altier had seen discontent from the kobold was when they didn’t find much during their foraging, and thus couldn’t give any treats to the excited and bouncy herbivore.
He wasn’t aware that a creature’s face could make such a painfully broken expression, and he was quick to decide that he never wanted to see it again.
Vexingly, his metaphorical hands were tied; a dungeon could only influence their Domain, and given the state of his system, not even that option was available to him. All he could do was glare at the rotting wooden beams that held up the roof and remember when such an issue didn’t exist. It would have taken a mere flicker of thought and a paltry sum of mana to mend the struts when he was a proper dungeon. He could even outright reinforce the structure by weaving in other materials, leaving the appearance as it was while making everything stronger than iron. Well, he once could. Working with other affinities was something that came to him after absorbing the coloured motes left behind by adventurers, and the accursed stone that stole his mana had taken that ability as well.
An attempt was made anyway, his will ordering the deteriorated wood to absorb any trace metals from the ground, but it was no use. He couldn’t feel the iron or stones beneath the shed like he would have been able to before, all but confirming his suspicion that his connection to the Earth element had slipped away. Nature was much the same; the only way he knew when Hoppit had returned most days was from the subtle noise and the essence of injury. The other attributes—Air, Flame, Luma, Shadow, and so on—were ones he never experimented with to any real extent, so it was less noticeable when he lost his grasp on them. Perhaps they faded early. Either way, all he had left was a waning cognizance of his own alignment, and that wasn’t of much use to him. If he had any appreciable mana income, then perhaps he could do something, but he wasn’t even sure what the upkeep of his current Domain might be. It was entirely possible that he was running on a deficit, which would offer a reason for why his system had been so—
[Do#$@n Ex@#d$%^&d! CRe@#r H-H-H-HoPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP—]
[Errrrrrr—]
[Sy$%^hroni%^$zing…]
[Creeee-tu— Hoppit ha@$ esttttb-hed terrrrrrr-ity f^#% t$e dun@&$n!]
- - - - -
“Well then,” he mumbled to himself, taking in the strange scene behind the shed. For one, he could actually view a small distance beyond the structure now, and two, there was a rather proud-looking Hoppit sitting on his haunches before a pair of significantly less prideful examples of the species. They looked quite a bit bigger than the lazy loaf Altier had come to know, yet they were more cut up and dejected than his furry friend. That answered where the injuries had been coming from, he supposed. Hoppit was probably running off to bash heads with whatever animal population existed here beforehand, and they had only just reached a consensus on who was in charge. Impressive.
One of Hoppit’s ears turned back towards the shed, his head following suit as he gave a lagomorph’s approximation of a ‘Look what I did!’ smile. Altier blanked out mentally, but didn’t have time to question anything before the new leader of the local rabbits imperiously pointed a paw towards the surrounding forest, which was equally surreal to witness. Most surprising of all, the…subordinates? The other ferrorabbits did as commanded, keeping their forms small as they took off into the foliage. Soft clacks came from Hoppit’s pleased shake of his head, then he too left the area with only a slightly lopsided bounce to his stride.
The man-turned-core could only gape at what he saw. Were animals always so…expressive? Had Hoppit heard him? What in the world was happening? Why had Hoppit’s personal conquest led to Altier’s Domain expanding?
He lamented not having fingers, nor temples to rub with them. His system was a garbled mess of errors and inconsistent messages, his residence was falling apart at the seams, his companion was someone who abducted him from the dungeon, yet never did anything past that, and his first real experience with an animal was turning out to be more confusing than he thought possible.
All of this was after an unknown amount of time spent commanding legions of undead to strengthen the very people who he would later learn had lied to and manipulated him, making him into a nightmarish entity just to bolster the power of their forces. He almost missed the days spent gazing out of a mossy window. At least then he knew what to expect.
Nothing made sense anymore.
= = = = =
The soft sound of roots ripping free from soil suddenly stopped, only to be followed by a dull thud of Ceele’s palm slapping against the ground to catch her fall before she landed on her rear. She righted herself with her tail and tossed the stubborn weed into a pile with the others. No matter how many mornings she did this, they always seemed to replace themselves faster than she could remove the pesky things. A sigh slipped from her muzzle as she set about grabbing the next one embedded in the vegetable garden.
Aches and spreading stiffness flared up, but went ignored as she neared the end of her duties, though she was well aware that they would come back with force once she tried to settle down for the day. The impending soreness was an inevitable byproduct of spending so much time working. Still, she knew that if it wasn’t for the kindly old couple that allowed her to call their shed home, she would still be sleeping beneath the stars while making sure nothing tried to get at her Hoppit. Even if it was just a part of the deal, they were owed this much in return, and she would see it done properly.
The sun bore down on her back as she did her usual tasks, which was a departure from the slightly overcast weather as of late. It looked somewhat promising when she checked in the wee hours of the morning, yet as her gardening duties dragged on, so too did the intensity of such a clear sky. A disappointed glance at the empty wooden bucket on the edge of the field was quickly corrected. She hadn’t thought to refill it at the river after watering the crops, and her parched throat was making its protests known, while also reminding her that there wasn’t much water left at home either. One more thing to take care of when she was done.
A gruff cough brought her attention towards the old kobold resting his back against a tree some distance away, safely shaded from the unforgiving rays beaming down. Her displeasure at having yet more to do was hastily wiped away. She was undecided on what to think of the detached audience, but looking so sour while upholding her side of the agreement wouldn’t reflect well on her. Hopefully, he hadn’t seen it. Not that she could tell if he did; he always had the same expression when he watched her work. The elder kobold’s arms were crossed, a finger tapping absently against his bicep, while his tail sat motionless on the grass, the muddy red colour of his scales standing out amongst the greens and browns. ‘Makis,’ was his name, assuming her memory served.
Makis had taken to observing her every so often, usually propping himself against this or that at a distance, the unwavering scowl being as unnerving as it was belying of his age. Somewhat loose skin sagged a bit around his jowls and neck, yet the rest of his face was still taut from how much time he spent examining red-hot metal, and his arms were marred with countless burns and cuts from his profession. He held an oppressive aura, though the crinkles around his eyes and muzzle suggested he smiled as frequently as he glowered, even if Ceele was yet to see the former. There was only the same judgmental expression aimed at her when he was around. She could only hope that he didn’t take offence to some unintended slight, but she didn’t know him well enough to say what might be considered one.
They hadn’t spoken since she took up residence on the outskirts of his land. His wife was the one to introduce them, but it was quickly established that he had no intention of being a chatty individual. He led Ceele to the shed hidden amongst the trees on the edge of the property, then dismissed her with only a grunt coming from the elderly kobold. She supposed that it was for the best. Her experience in socializing was centred around convincing others to employ her, and there hadn’t been much of an opportunity to expand her horizons while living a life on the road. If that had been the end of their interactions, she would have swiftly written the terseness off, but he appeared every few days, taking up residence beneath the shade as he watched her work, never speaking a single word. At least he didn’t openly protest her presence, yet she figured that would be easier to manage. He wouldn’t be such an enigma then.
There wasn’t a whole lot she knew about him besides his penchant for ‘supervision,’ and anything beyond that was what his wife had volunteered during the rare opportunity they had to chat. She was told that Makis worked the smithy out front, and although he had retired from doing so in an official capacity, she could still regularly hear his hammer as she tended to the garden, so she figured he kept himself busy most days. It made her wonder what was so interesting about a vagrant like herself, but when there was so little else to do, she could see how anything could be made worth the attention. It was just him and his wife living in the once bustling home, after all; the couple’s children had long since grown up and made families of their own.
She noticed his gaze shift elsewhere as she tugged yet another stubborn intruder from the soil, his arms falling from across his chest and the perpetually worn displeasure melting to that of curiosity. He wandered off shortly after, and she had to make an effort not to fall onto her tail as the pressure on her shoulders unexpectedly evaporated. Did something happen?
Ceele shook her head free of the distracting thought. It wasn’t her business if he grew bored with watching her work. As long as no one voiced any complaints, she could only assume that she was doing a satisfactory job. Maybe he finally decided that he didn’t need to be so watchful because she was doing well! That could be it, right?
A glance at the somewhat sloppily maintained garden erased the false confidence from her face, but she was just as quick to focus on finishing up, unwilling to allow darker musings to fester. Thankfully, there didn’t seem to be anything else that needed her intervention. The weeds were all uprooted, the soil was appropriately dampened, and her check for pesky insects or wildlife turned up nothing to worry about. She was free for the rest of the day!
…Or she would be free—as soon as she finished the last of her tasks, anyway.
The black-scaled kobold got up from her crouch unsteadily, shivering and wincing from the pins and needles in her legs. She would have to remember to stretch more often; it was far too easy to forgo that kind of thing just to make the overall work go slightly faster. Her hand reached out to grab the pile of weeds and put them into the bucket as she ran through what needed to be done before she could properly relax. Hoppit’s food needed to be washed, she needed to bathe, and they were running low on water anyway, so she would have to visit the river. Just the thought of dragging herself into the forest again made her muscles protest, but she wouldn’t have the energy to do it later. She forced the smile that had started to fall and took the first of many steps.
- - - - -
The river wasn’t too far away, only taking a few minutes of traipsing through the dense woodlands until she reached her destination. It was an idyllic little spot. The trees thinned out to allow a grassy bank along the water, and there was an appreciably gentle slope from shallows to depths, making for a convenient place to take care of various needs. She had discovered this place during her travels, and it was where a kind older woman found her.
Ceele was washing off at the time, with Hoppit safely taking shelter from the outside underneath the bundled blankets while he waited. The trickle of the stream brushing against rocks covered the sound of footsteps, so she was rather surprised when an aged voice called out to ask if she was okay. Her first reaction was to distance herself and apologize—the why didn’t matter, but she had learned that most people were more lenient of her presence if she seemed apologetic for it, and she usually was. The elderly kobold just laughed at her scrambling, tacking on an assurance that there was no need for modesty. The woman was blind, apparently, which explained how Ceele’s blackened colours hadn’t deterred her.
Strangely enough, there was a comforting sense of ease around the one who introduced herself as Hira. It was a sort of presence that Ceele could only vaguely remember, and it drew her close enough to speak as she finished bathing. The conversation wasn’t anything profound, of course—they hardly delved deeper than surface-level small talk—but Hira lost her smile as she listened to the younger kobold. By the end of it, the old woman posed a series of questions with a dark inflection to her voice, and Ceele struggled to find an answer.
‘Are you tired of looking for something that only slips away? Are you tired of running? Do you really want to be scared and alone?’
If the silence bothered Hira, then it didn’t show. She had simply held out a hand and offered Ceele a way of life that didn’t involve wondering where she would be spending the night, nor entailed cowering in the brush while fearsome predators roamed freely. It would be a simple existence of few fortunes, but it was safe, and it was honest. All she had to do was say yes.
Ceele denied it at first, partially because she knew most people despised Hobbit's species, and partially because she couldn’t shake the offer being too good to be true. Hira was quick to propose a compromise; Ceele could take residence in the gardening shed that had fallen from use, and to satiate the nagging sense of an unfair deal, she would be put in charge of maintaining the garden itself. All Hira wanted was to ‘see’ her favourite space bloom again, since she couldn’t take care of it anymore. The black-scaled kobold stared longingly at where Hoppit was, his little body shivering from the prolonged cold and fear that he would be hurt if he left the blankets hiding him. It was with a heavy guilt that she accepted Hira’s offer, keeping quiet about her true reason for doing so.
That was in the past, however, though she thought about it every time she stopped by and saw the smooth rocks where she and Hira first met. Eventually, she might gather the courage to admit that she was housing a ‘pest’ and beg for forgiveness. Until then, she would just work her hardest to prove it wasn’t a mistake to give her a home. That her endless efforts weren’t meaningless. That Hoppit deserved to be more than a ‘pest.’
That Ceele was more than something she had no control over being.
She cleared her head a bit and started on the reason she came all this way. Her dress was rather easy to wash in the meandering water, and the trees provided a suitable place for it to dry in the sunlight and light breeze. The weeds were fine with a thorough rinse near in the shallows, but taking care of her own hygiene required her to wade farther in, though it only came up to her chest in the middle of the rill. Still, she could scrub off the soil and grime, which was all she really needed. Perhaps some simple soaps would help rid her of the pervasive black that stained her skin and scales, but that was beyond her meagre means for the time being, as well as being mere wishful thinking.
She worked past the dreary mindset that settled in when she allowed it, focusing on how serene the river was. The soft birdsong from the trees helped make for a peaceful experience, and she could feel the somewhat chilled liquid basically pour into the aches and pains throughout her body, washing away the stiffness from spending so long under the unerring sun. It was nice to escape reality and let thoughts drift while held buoyant by calmer waters.
Yet the bliss was short-lived. Even if winter was gone, spring was still far from warming the waters enough for her to laze about for too long. She dragged herself from the soft current and fetched her dress from the low-lying branch she left it to dry on. It was still a touch damp, but it wasn’t anything a bit of time in front of the fireplace wouldn’t fix.
Ceele was only a short distance away from home when she heard a gravelly male voice, but it was the flicker of sight between the trees that made her drop what was in her arms and lunge into a sprint.
Makis stood just outside the gardening shed, a ferrorabbit held at arm’s length by rusty crimson hands placed on the scruff and haunch, the rabbit’s little ears flattened as fear filled its tiny face. Her eyes widened further when she noticed the small stains of blood in his light brown fur. They found out about him. Ephemeral claws of blackness clutched at her soul, ripping the very fabric she was made of as an unseen beast smiled, eager to take yet one more thing from her. Her Hoppit. Her baby. Her everything.
“Hoppit!” she shrieked, her words all but tearing out of her throat in desperation. Frozen blood coursed through her veins, yet poured into exhausted limbs. She broke through the treeline with no regard for the branches slashing against her flesh, panic making each sting fade before it could be processed. The grizzled glare of the older kobold snapped towards her, his usual scowl picking up an actual air of intensity that she never thought could be absent, the promise of violence lurking in his eyes. She skidded to a stop a few paces away, the lump in her throat threatening to clog her airway. “S-stop hurting him!”
“Didn’t,” he barked back, his tone even yet firm. “Cuts ain’t me. I’d’a done worse if’a had ta mind ta.”
The blatant declaration snapped her from blind panic, although his apparent anger didn’t do her fear any favours. “B-but… Then how…”
“‘Hoppit.’ Named it, did’cha?” he grunted, ignoring her confusion and bobbing the rabbit to get her attention again. His gaze shifted back to the animal, the flames of ire cooling slightly. “I was wonderin’ why yer plots ain’t dead yet. Suppose this critter’s why.”
One of her hands hesitantly reached out until she pulled it back, while the other clutched at her chest to stop her heart from hammering against her ribs. She couldn’t act rashly. Not while her baby was in his arms. “I—”
“Soft thing, ain’t it,” the elder kobold commented curiously, cutting her off.
“Y-yes?” she returned reluctantly, struggling to stop herself from lashing out to reclaim the ferrorabbit in his grasp.
“Like fine silk.” Makis tipped and tilted the animal, inspecting this and that with a deep-seated frown, all while Hoppit silently looked to her for help. The pit in her stomach grew. She needed to get him back, but how?
Ceele swallowed the dense dread as she tried to formulate some sort of plan, stumbling over her words and forced smile. “I-it’s nice! Isn’t it nice?”
His eyes snapped back to burrow into her own with hatred. “Wasn’t a compliment, girly.”
“B-but you—”
He released Hoppit’s lower half to jab a claw at the various spikes around his body, plying them with minimal force. “Look. See this? These’r suppose ta break bone. ‘Specially when he’s stiff like this. Ain’t no way I should be able ta bend ‘em. He’s barely more than a walkin’ carcass—all skin ‘n stick. He’s gonna get picked up by a wandering pecker if he keeps pissin’ about out ‘ere. It’s a wonder he’s still kickin’. What’cha feeding ‘em?” His gaze dropped from her face to the rest of her, disgust curling his muzzle into a snarl. “N’ver mind. I can guess.”
She felt the dampness build at the edges of her vision, unprepared to not only worry for Hoppit's immediate health, but also to face such harsh criticism while she was so vulnerable. “I… I try to make sure he has…”
Makis crouched to release the ferrorabbit onto the ground, Ceele dropping to her knees the moment he did. The terrified lagomorph wasted no time, bolting towards his adoptive mother and leaping into her arms, shaking uncontrollably. The rust-coloured ‘bold stared as she started soothingly stroking the animal’s back.
“Yer given’ em the weeds, aren’t ya?” he stated rather than asked. She gave a teary nod when her voice wouldn’t respond for her. The old kobold drew a breath, letting it go in an exasperated sigh as he stood back up, his expression becoming more impatient than antagonistic. “What else?”
“I— Um…”
“What. Else?”
“W-whatever I c-can find!” she sputtered out. Hoppit tried to hide against her neck, prompting her to tighten her hold. She couldn’t stop herself from shrinking, the guilt and confusion pulling her head down. “R-roots, vegetables, fruits… I give them as often as I can.”
His glare continued unimpeded, his cadence cold. “That it?”
There were a million things Ceele wanted to say. A part of her wanted to beg him not to kick them out of the first safe place she had in longer than she could remember, but she couldn’t find the words. She wanted to deny the judgmental tone that stabbed into her insecurity surrounding how good of a job she was doing with Hoppit, but the deadened void in her chest swallowed her pride whole. She knew he was right to critique her. That she was failing in the only thing that mattered anymore. That the feeling of loss would return.
“I try,” she whispered through the beginnings of a sob. “I try to find more, but he needs someone around, and I have to work the garden, so there’s only so much time I can spend looking. He won’t even eat all of what I bring back…” Tears dripped off her cheeks as she aimed a desolate smile at her furry friend. “He wants to make sure I have some too.”
“Yer killin’ em,” Makis pointed out plainly, crossing his arms. “He’ll be dead ‘fore the summer at this rate.”
“I know!” she shouted, forcing back the memories of insidious murmurs that lurked in the back of her mind, eager to creep into her ears again. The hate-filled stares that followed her, the rumours that arrived in towns before she had the chance to make an impression, and the guilt that loomed over her like an executioner's axe… “I know I am… I just… I don’t know what he needs. I don’t know how to make him happy…but I try. I’m trying…”
“…Yer an idiot, girly.”
She looked up to see the elder kobold walking away without another word. Her eyes fell to Hoppit, the ferrorabbit pressing himself against her as much as he could. He was small, thin, soft, and growing weaker by the day, but he never let it keep him down for long. No, he always showed his best for her, giving her joy that wasn’t provided anywhere else. She saw the thin cuts and dried blood, though she didn’t know where they came from, nor how he got out of the shed in the first place. But that was okay. Hoppit was okay, and she had Hoppit, so everything was okay, right?
…But how much longer would everything stay okay? How much longer until her efforts weren’t enough, and she was left desperately reaching for fading memories of what once was? How much longer until she killed her baby too?
How much longer until she was alone again?
Soft footsteps drew near, pulling her from the spiralling thoughts that threatened to gnaw at her soul. Damp, blurry eyes fell on Makis returning with a small wooden crate, the older kobold stopping a few steps away. He dropped the box, a deep, rattling thud produced as it impacted the ground, making Hoppit flinch in her arms. Ceele blinked as she kept him calm, then blinked again, looking up at the man for answers.
“The name, girly,” he spat in irritation. “Ferrorabbit. Ther’ Earth aligned creatures; they need metals. They don’t care where they get it, but they need lots of it. Iron, copper, tin, lead—raw crystal, if they can find it. You name it, they’ll take a chunk out of it. It's why they bother farmers so much; the best soil’s usually top’a gem deposits, ‘n the little bastards have no issue burrowing deep to get it. Dries up the element’s energy ‘n makes the crops weak.”
Ceele’s mouth opened and closed, each unsuccessful attempt to speak making her feel smaller and smaller. More and more lost. Why was he telling her this? How did he know? What was in the—
He kicked the crate with the side of his foot. “Scraps. Don’t’cha look at me like that. I’m a smith, girly. I might be old and retired, but I still work a forge. Now, this ain’t anything pure—it’s just slag and hunks—but I’m sure the critter won’t mind. Your little gardenin’ project pays off, ‘n I’ll see which of my contacts can get in some better ore.”
She ripped her eyes away from the box and met the perpetual scowl of the old kobold, seeing a warmth behind the hostility that she had never noticed before. “…Why?”
He scoffed in amusement, which looked somewhat menacing on such a hardened expression. “Yer a touch stupid, girly, but the missus adores ya, ‘n yer a good worker.” A shadow of a smile formed on his face. “Hira spent more evenings asking ‘bout how the plots are doin’ than I got time in the day. She’d bite my head off if I noticed a critter like that sufferin’ and didn’t lend a hand. ‘Specially when it’s obvious you ain’t tryin’ ta hurt the thing.”
“B-but the garden… Isn’t he a problem?”
Makis rolled his eyes, turning with a dismissive wave of his hand. “If he was, he’da killed it by now. I’d say he’s been keepin’ the others clear ‘n got scratched up for the trouble. That’s more reason to feed ‘em right in my eyes; pay the poor bastard his dues.” He paused after a few steps, shooting her one last incredulous glance. “‘N the rabbit’s right. You’re not much better off than he is. Eat. Before the missus takes my head, preferably. I ain’t need ta hear her worryin’ over you more than I already do.”
And with that, he walked off back to the house, leaving Ceele to sit stunned on the ground with Hoppit quietly nuzzling into her.
“Hoppit…?”
The ferrorabbit perked an ear and gently licked her collar. Fresh tears ran rivulets down her face, yet they didn’t weigh her down. They felt freeing. She adjusted her hold on the rabbit and held him out, taking in the small cuts and numerous other injuries she had never noticed before. He stared back at her with worried eyes.
“You’ve been busy, huh?” she cooed quietly, doing her best to keep her voice from cracking. He shrunk in her hands. “I told you to stay home, baby. What if something happened to you? I wouldn’t know where you went, and…”
Her protests died out as she saw what was unmistakably guilt on his little face. She brought him back to her chest and cleared her throat.
“It’s alright, Hoppit. If… If you want to help momma, then we can work together, okay? Just…please don’t go off getting hurt… I don’t know what I’d do without you…” The rabbit didn’t reply, and she was pretty sure she had never heard him make any sounds that weren’t his happy little ear clacks, but she chose to interpret the nuzzling as an agreement. “Such a smart boy…”
She took a breath and wiped off the excess moisture from her cheeks, setting Hoppit down on the ground. “Let’s bring Mr. Makis’ gift in, and then I need to go get more water so we can clean you up, okay?”
He bounced his way to the door of their home, waiting patiently for her to lug the surprisingly heavy crate into the shed. He was even still behaving himself by the time she returned from picking up the things she dropped in her haste. There wasn’t a single protest from the ferrorabbit as she washed over his wounds with warm water, nor when she asked him to wait as she cut up a small salad for him using an extra portion of her rationed vegetables. Finally, once everything else was gone, she tentatively sifted through the box until she found a chunk of something that didn’t look so sharp, then offered it to Hoppit skeptically.
As startling as it was to see him bite through metal without issue, she couldn’t help but tear up again at how pleased he looked with the bizarre addition to his diet. He munched through the first piece, then stared at the box while pawing at the air, asking for more. She obliged through wet laughs, feeling lighter than she had since he first gazed at her from his burrow, alone and afraid, just like she was.
Her little baby was happy, and that made it okay.
Next
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A/N: Thank you to my Patrons, new and returning! No Thanks, Emmanuel, and Megathor join the others who get to read 1 chap ahead!

Been a few days.....
Yeah, I been gone a few days. Not gone like away anywhere, but off here. Doing some thinking and restructuring my life. Its kind of weird to be honest. I changed so much about myself for her to make her happy. When I really was not paying attention to myself. I am noticing that now. I stepped away from the trying to talk to her, and forcing myself on a situation I honestly can not control. I mean I can't make her love me, I can't make her talk to me, I can't make her come back. I already said everything I needed to say, whether it be text, email, or letter, hell even voice message. Which Honestly made me feel like a fool, and a complete nut job. If she isn't gonna read or respond, I cant make her. So why have I kept sending stuff? I finally figured that out. Made things a little easier too, I mean once that thought came to mind. It made me think hmmm, just maybe she was not the person she pretended to be the last 3 years. Maybe just maybe over. So what do I do. I told her everything, I have been quite alone lately, pretty much punishing myself for something she is doing to me. Shit, I am a damn victim. That's the thought I got now. Time for me to move on, and not like move on move on... But to keep moving forward, without her. Her loss right? She did change me though, I have noticed it when some people have been coming by recently. People I thought were friends, but yet now I have found them to be more offensive than ever. Like super judgmental. Hell, they only came by for me to change their car battery, and yet came off offensive? How is the that doing me any favors? It's not. I have noticed a lot more about myself and others. Being alone really has not been a bad thing. I have reached out to people who I know need help, Offer them a job. One was a job paying 17.50 an hr. They fucking told me it was not enough,,,, ahhhh They are currently jobless, and about to get evicted... (we can see why now) Another person, is jobless, been an office body all their live... Had their car repossessed, and about to get evicted. Offered them a very small job, just coming to clean shop once a week and to do my laundry. Offered a 100.00 bucks for 4 or 5 hrs worth of work... They got mad at me. Then demanded me to take them somewhere.... Is it just me but people don't know how to take help when being offered? I mean I am not rich, I am far from saying I can live comfortable. Yet, they want more? When I am just being nice offering what I can. Starting to see people for the monsters they really are sucks. But I don't plan on being hurt like i have been again. I dont blan on dating, or hooking up I really dont care to even go out anymore. People are just fucking fake. Love does not hurt. If it hurts its not love. Anyways ttyle

TLDR: Cashed out my 401k. Spent $10k planning a trip. RINSED.
I want to post this as a warning for any prospective SDs who struggle like me with self esteem, self confidence, self worth and are “nice guys”. I guess I’m venting here, I am alone and have no one in my life to talk to about this, and I am hoping by writing this it gives me a clearer picture of just how I got here - what happened and what are the red flags I missed. If you are like me, I cannot implore you enough to get out of the bowl ASAP. It will leave you in a much worse position than when you joined. Just…like…me. I’m currently on that $10k trip in the RV right now by myself writing this. Where do I even begin?
I joined the bowl because I was not looking for anything too serious, tired of my age group of women in the vanilla world, and to help my confidence and self esteem. I was married to my ex wife for 12 years. She had a multi year long affair in which I forgave her the first time. She swore it was over - HINT: it wasn’t. Divorced the 2nd time. Dated a few girls vanilla with the last one being 10 months - and she wanting marriage and kids asap after me being honest and upfront about my future wants. No thank you.
Then I joined the bowl. Yikes - it was rough at first. Talked to a lot of women. The first one I met one actually robbed me and took off on our first date. I chalk that up to karma from acting like a John - I honestly just wanted to get the “first one” out of the way in the bowl before it’s someone I can see a longterm SR with. But there were so many red flags that I refused to see through at the time - and I promise you…you will miss the red flags too IF you are like me. Just hope you don’t get hurt and it’s just money.
But one SB always stuck out. We talked for a few weeks before we met. And when we met I was mesmerized. It’s not often you met someone that looks better than their pictures. A reverse catfish. We had a few platonic M&Gs. Got tested. I gifted her a low XXXX gift on our 2nd date. Sent her low XXXX before our 3rd date because she was moving and I wanted to help her. I wanted her to know I was serious. I had an issue with my initial STD test but got it resolved and we were supposed to make our SR official on our 3rd date. But - that night came and of course Murphy’s law - things failed spectacularly. We actually both posted about it on here believe it or not. But we worked through it. I tell her after this if I ever think she is going to bail leading up to this - I will just communicate with you and we can talk through it. She says good! This is important for later.
For the first 6 months we did PPM. And it was absolutely amazing. As beautiful as she was, I was completely falling for the girl on the inside. It seemed we always had an amazing time together. Even her. She said so. It seemed like it. And I foolishly let myself believe it. If you are like me…this will happen to you too. I never thought I would be able to fall in love after my marriage, and here I was falling in love with my SB. Never did I want that. It wasn’t my desire. I wasn’t expecting it. But damn - it felt so good just to know I could. I started trusting her. Slowly. More and more.
I remember I would consistently have some rough mornings at work. But damn the second I got that good morning text - things seemed to get instantly better. We actually spent Valentines Day together. Gifted her a laptop mid between 1-2 XXXX. I wanted her to know how much our first few months meant to me. What she gave me at the time was invaluable (if only it didn’t end up like it did). I am by no means a whale - and I didn’t even spoil my ex wife like I did with her.
Recently, in April, she told me she lost her job. She didn’t formally ask for anything. But I’ll be damned if I don’t give the shirt off my back to someone I love. She knew I would. She knew me. In retrospect, she preyed on my weakness. At this point I am unsure if she really even lost her job. I have no idea what to believe anymore. I have a major business financial situation approaching quickly so my financial situation is unfortunately dire. As in I’m going to have more debt than cash. It wasn’t the best time for her to lose her job. But that didn’t stop me. I tell her I will cash out one of my 401ks and provide her a mid XXXX allowance for May June and July. Ends up around thirteen thousand total to her. I ask if she would like it monthly or lump sum. I trust her. Completely. She said lump sum. I’ll be honest - it wasn’t until physically writing these checks out is when it hit me. That caused me to freak out internally. At that point my trust issues are screaming. She can take off right now. Crap. In my head I’m asking myself what am I doing. But I wanted to prove a point to myself. I can trust again! Not EVERYBODY is going to screw me! And I would have bet my life this girl was not like that. How pathetic of me and foolish.
So I see her the first weekend of May for a weekend trip we had planned. Amazing weekend. Things are great. On the way back I write her the check. Lump sum but she request it in 3 different checks - weird I think but ok. Here is one for May, one for June, one for July.
As I look back, it was almost instantaneous the change and frequency in her communication. I remember thinking it at the time - but considered it could be me and my insecurities so I looked past it. We hang out ONE more time after the checks. Her vibe was VISIBLY OFF. She did not want to be there but it’s like she forced herself too - it was so obvious in the moment.
The following weekend, she goes to a music festival with her friends. Before, she would text me her outfit pictures, how things were etc. this time I didn’t get any of that. But I was honestly ok with it as it was a large festival. Things get crazy - I get it. It wasn’t until AFTER the festival that we didn’t talk at all for 2-3 days. I’m thinking - what in the hell is going on. This is the first time we haven’t spoken in days since our very first text messages. Now I am freaking out.
For the past 3 months, we had been planning a cross country RV trip to another music festival. Months of planning. It was actually going to be her birthday. So…what do I do? I decide to plan a cross country country scavenger hunt with all her favorite things. It’s so detailed I have multiple shops ALL across the country participating in this with me. She loves music as do I. So I not only started writing her a song about the magic she offers, I even produce a song. It’s terrible - make no mistake - but damn I probably spent 60 hours on it. I am going to make this a birthday she remembers forever!
Back to us not talking for a few days - I freak out and text her that I am not feeling good, I think she is going to bail on this trip, and if she is to let me know so I don’t waste a bunch of money buying more stuff then needed. She text back that she is hurt and she ask why I am thinking this why, and that she doesn’t care if I go or not because she’s gonna go herself (wtf?!?). So I tell her exactly why I’m feeling this way which in short was things do not feel real or authentic anymore, something has changed, and I’m trying to figure out wtf is going on. I even tell her - I understand if you met someone - just be honest with me so I can plan accordingly. She blows up, says I’m rude and an asshole, and she can’t dare speak or see me for the time being (meanwhile she has always reiterated she will give me any reassurance I need). Here is the kicker, THE VERY NEXT DAY, I get the alert she cashes the last and final check. So outraged with me, so upset with me, but she has no problem cashing my check. FOR JULY. Deep down, it was that very moment I knew I was going to get rinsed. I don’t respect myself for not walking away then. I followed her like a pathetic broken dog following their owner. For the next few absolutely mentally draining weeks. It was bad. After a week she agrees to meet with me for 10 minutes to chat. We chat, and she says she will go on the trip.
Great! Maybe this will get us back on track and back to normal. I know she will love the scavenger hunt. We text periodically and chat about the trip. The day before the trip she asked if we can push it back a day. Sure I say. The next day, the day before, she says she will not drive with me but prefers flying in for the festival, it makes her feel more safe. I am crushed. I have no idea what to say. Some texting backing and forth and somehow I agree to it (no respect for myself…ugh). How pathetic am I. I text her asking if we can chat on the phone for a quick 5 minutes to coordinate logistics. I get a text back 12 hours later to “drive safe!”(read: I ain’t got time for you). Log in to see she blocked me on instagram and yep, that was all she wrote.
I am relieved it’s now over. The last few weeks have been so mentally draining. In the end, the only thing I can do is learn from my mistakes. If I just blame her for the rinsing, I will NEVER get better. I made so many mistakes. I could have been better. My therapist THROUGHOUT warned me, told me I will regret it, and I refused to listen. He became extremely concerned when he saw how my feelings were developing. He doesn’t know about the 401k yet. That will be a fun conversation next time I see him.
But damn, she has destroyed me. I am beyond crushed because of the WAY she did it. She ruined EVERYTHING we had….even the amazing times. They do not mean anything anymore. They do not even register in my head. It eats at me that she took that from me. I deserved that at least - but she didn’t have enough respect for me to let me keep the good times. That is going to take so long to get over. I really was good to her. I was honest. I was so caring. I would have done anything for her. I was needy. I was insecure. I am not good in the bedroom (stamina issues) but very giving. Not a whale. But very generous. I just don’t understand how she can do this. I mean, I was getting ready to have her meet my family - YIKES. In the end, how can I fall in love for someone that could do this to me? This is a major concern.
For the “nice guy” SDs, use this as a warning. Don’t think what you have here is real - it ain’t. This is sugar. At some point, you are going to get rinsed. Don’t let it be for as much as me. Stick to PPM.
Ultimately, this is all my fault. How irresponsible of me to cash out a 401k. I’m not in the financial situation to afford this. I have always been very logical, emotionally stable or numb (depression), and this SR brought out the 2 complete opposites in me. I have so many things that need fixing. And now it starts. Brick by brick. Step by step. I will now depart from the bowl, for good, and wish you all the best. Be careful.

Hi all I'm posting because I'm really concerned about my cousin. We don't live in the same country anymore. His mom called me saying he's been feeling depressed and sort of out of it lately. I haven't talked to him in a while but we were always close when we were younger. I called him last night and told him how much I've missed him but he seemed really uninterested in talking to me. He said he told his mom not to bring her friends over to her house because he says they keep poisoning his food. He sounds very bothered but his mom swears to me nothing is going on with her friends. And now he's accusing his sister of poisoning his food.
I'm really concerned because he never acted like this. He has a history of abuse from his father that now lives in another country.
He has a history of drug use like MDMA, LSD, and Shrooms.
He doesn't want to go to doctor to get help. I need to know how to interact with him and convince him to get help.

idk if im in the right sub pero i really need advice on how do i get over someone i never even dated? so for context, i knew her since my 12th grade cuz we were classmates but hindi kami close not until may 2022 where we finally met each other formally since we were not able to see each other in person yet kasi nga pandemic and i was a transferee in that school. her friends kept teasing her na crush nya ako ganun2 so i was confused at first kasi di ko alam if they were just tripping or talagang totoo. eventually, we became a little close and started exchanging texts from time to time. me and her never missed the chance to greet each other a happy birthday every 12 am. we are reacting and sometimes commenting in each other's posts and we were even mutuals in both of our dump accs in ig and fb. that went on for about a year and a half and of course medyo nahuhulog na loob ko sa kanya but we were nothing more than that, she never asked me out and i never did too. in my defense, one of her friend tried setting us up for a coffee date and she declined but i was okay with it infact, i was looking forward to it but yeah it didn't happen.
i tried understanding her situation because i know na she's still healing from her past kasi she was brokenhearted when she met me so i gave her enough time to at least heal before commiting with me so fast forward to aug 2022, we enrolled in the same college but in different course but dahil hindi match yung sched namin, hindi kami gaano nagkikita sa school but still our interactions went on until 2023. mga mid 2023 i started noticing na medyo di na sya gaano nag vview ng stories ko or kapag nag view man, no reaction unlike dati so i felt like ah baka medyo nawawala na feelings nya. i don't even know what to call our situation, is it situationship or just nothing but a social media mutuals? former classmates? idk what cuz kahit isa jan I don't think our situation fit into that i don't even know if what we had was real. I always felt like i was just a rebound cuz she might've just wanted the attention i was giving her during the time she was healing but when she finally healed, i felt like i was dropped not immediately but slowly. i know naman na she tried holding on to whatever our situation is but yun nga you cannot force yourself din naman and i understand that.
so in january 2024 i was sooo confused na cuz like i've been waiting so long for her if may plans ba sya na i pursue ako or kahit small effort lang ba na gusto nya ako makilala better but then wala talaga and during that time medyo nafefeel ko lang na iba na gusto nya which is classmate nya rin that's why mas naguguluhan ako if may lugar pa ba talaga ako sa kanya. i know that some people are just not ready no matter how much time i give them but the thing is hindi ako always andito para mag hintay and i know na i deserve more than uncertainty and i don't want to keep waiting on something na hindi ko alam if may patutunguhan ba or wala. i gave enough time naman sa kanya to prove na she likes me diba? one and a half year is enough but still, i felt guilty.
feb 2024, i finally cut her off in everything. it took a lot for me to do that but yung mali ko lang is i didn't tell her anything or left any explanation basta inalis ko nalang sya. i was just so upset na parang hindi sya bothered with my absence cuz im using something to check her stories without even following her but yeah i figured out na she wasn't bothered because she was with the other girl im talking about na feel ko yun na yung "bagong crush" nya kasi in her story, she was with the girl so i knew it since then na hindi na ako but not even a week later, i opened my messenger kasi mag babackread sana ako sa first chat namin and believe it or not but the exact time i opened our chat, yun din yung exact time na nag send sya ng long message apologizing how she could've done more to us and how her feelings were indeed genuine. i saw the message and i just cried and cried and i replied to her like 2 or 3 hours after. it's crazy how we ended before even getting started but then who am i to complain ba? hindi naman talaga naging kami but all i wanna know if valid ba yung nararamdaman ko kasi until now i can't get over her and siya masaya na dun sa other girl and ginawa nya pa ngang profile pic yung magkasama sila and the same pic na nakita ko sa ig story nya nung na stalk ko sya....i felt pathetic and used. ano ba talaga naging role ko sa kanya? i know she said na what she felt was genuine but that's not what it felt like. ang sakit lang na yung mga bagay na winiwish ko dati na gawin nya sakin is ginagawa nya na dun sa classmate nya like simple lang naman sana gusto ko to know na sincere sya kaso ni isa wala talaga and that was enough naman for me to know na she might've liked me but she didn't liked me enough for her to pursue and commit something real with me. i know na if i was the girl she really wanted, the communication and the efforts would've been different and easier but yeah sadly hindi eh :( i know na sana ako rin nag effort kaso in my part, sya yung unang nagparamdam na gusto nya ako but hindi pa sya healed and i think valid din naman if ang ginawa ko is nag hintay until mag heal sya and wait if she will pursue me kaso i got tired of waiting kasi ano pang point ng paghihintay kung sa iba na pala pupunta yung hinihintay diba?
so far sa kanya ako pinaka nasaktan kasi idk? straight ako pero hindi ko nga ni mind na same kami girl kasi basta alam ko i liked her too even if my whole family was catholic and completely against that pero for her i was willing to risk it sana. the moment i started liking her i never questioned na bakit babae rin nagugustuhan ko if straight ako? all i know is i like her. i liked her soul, her attitude and her heart pero since things didn't go according to what i wanted and what i expected im trying to forget her but di ko alam paano so pls any advice how do i get over her completely?

Hello! New reddit user here (first post ever). I'm 19F, about to end my freshmen year in college. Let me start off by saying that procrastination has never really bothered me in the past. I would delay sh t but still always find a way to get them done within deadline by the end of the day. I guess this made me complacent and lazy in the long run, since I never exerted too much effort thinking things would always work out. Now that I'm in college, studying at one of the most prestigious universities in my country (crazy ik how did i get here), trying to balance finding work with school, I feel like I've reached a point where I've just let go of myself.
My body clock is broken, I'm always cramming (sometimes I would even miss deadlines), I feel insecure again, and I don't want to see my friends. To get back on track, I enrolled myself in a gym, got myself enrolled in workshops for work, tried to book freelance gigs, build my life- academically and personally, but I just don't seem to have the energy to actually stay consistent. I end up doing things half heartedly after working hard for a moment or two (though I know I can do better) and feel like I'm constantly wasting my opportunities. I don't know if this is just being lazy or if there is something wrong with me. I just know I can do better. What can I do to fix myself?

I have a friend I used to be really close to though we haven't spoken in months. We've known each other for years, since we were in school. Our families know each other and we're going on a trip. He doesn't like his family much and likes to avoid them and is, in general, always busy studying. We got really close right before we stopped talking and he let me know that he's liked me for a really long time. For years. I realized I might have too. We discussed it and decided to forget it since he's in a relationship. But things changed and it seemed like all our interactions suddenly had a different sort of energy. He's been wanting to break up for a long time, a few years now, but hasn't. Anyway, we stopped texting kind of abruptly a few months ago. I missed him a little. After a while I didn't even care about the romantic stuff, I just wanted my friend back. He's the only friend I have in my hometown. Do you think I should text to ask him if he's coming on the trip? Or is that too weird? I apologize for rambling, I'm just confused and put it as clearly as I could. Sorry if it doesn't make too much sense.

I’m 35 and selling a service business for about $17M to private equity… what to do?
I commented here several months ago about the sale of my business. Was told to focus on the close before worrying about investments.
Well, we close next week and I want to be smart with the money and continue to grow the exit $ for future generations while also living how we do now and making one particular purchase.
There are several investment questions, but let me paint the current picture.
2024: $10M pre-tax 2025: $2.7M pre-tax (the earn out; not guaranteed) 2026: $800k (escrow) 2027-29: $6-7.5M (roll up; not guaranteed)
The cash consideration at close is $13.6M, but I’m planning to roll $2-2.5M into the roll up. My shares are the same class as the management team, so that feels like a good play. Lots of consolidation in our industry so it doesn’t seem unrealistic to hit the projected 3x return, but I’ve heard plenty of PE horror stories in here and from friends.
We live in a MCOL market. We’re renovating our dream home now and already have the cash to do that so we don’t plan on upgrading there. My wife doesn’t work. No vehicle upgrades or anything like that. Maybe I’ll buy a watch to celebrate? Idk.
Our only debt is the house will be worth $2.5M and we’ll owe $900k on the note.
I plan to work again or build another business in the future but this is the safety net to take a break and be with my family for a while then build the next thing.
My goal with the exit was to live as we do now($400-450k/year) off of the interest while also allowing half of the interest to compound and not be touched over time. I think I can do that on the cash at close.
I’m mostly familiar with real estate investing as an LP. Not tons of experience, but I’ve done a couple deals with people I know(several friends are in the REI world regionally around me). Most recently, I did a mobile home park investment where I got to write off 100%+ of the invested dollars due to bonus depreciation from a cost seg with preferred 8% return that’s already paying distributions.
Questions… - I love the LP mobile home park investment… 8% pref + big tax savings + money back in 5ish years after refinance, but keep the equity. Is it a bad idea to put 50-60% in these types of investments? - I love the MHP idea because of tax savings. Am I trying to avoid the $2Mish in taxes too much? - Recently read Tony Robbins’ The Money Game and it’s giving me cold feet about investing with a financial advisor. Plus I see everyone and their mother here seemingly is in just Vanguard S&P 500 funds. Am I overthinking not wanting to put $ with a traditional financial advisor due to the additional fees they charge, etc.? Am I overexposing myself by using a Wealthfront or better online option to invest in Vanguard or something similar? - Why is everyone so concerned about being liquid if you’re living well under the projected distributions of your investments? Every financial advisor I’ve talked with mentions liquidity like it’s so helpful. - Are there other investment vehicles I should be looking in to? - What am I overlooking or missing? Where am I not seeing things properly?
A fun question… My only plan to do something ‘fun’ is with the earn out $, if it hits. There’s a Discovery Land(luxury golf / community) property near where I live. I’d like to buy a lot in there. I don’t want to build because we already have the house we love, but it would be about a $2M purchase + $300k initiation. The initiation is 80% equity and I think I could sell the lot for more than it’s worth down the road as our area is growing. But it obviously isn’t a cash flow investment. Is this a horrible idea?
Thanks for any feedback!

Can’t believe it’s turned out like this for you and I.
Yet, now I have definitive proof that you don’t want me in your life, so why is it so difficult for me to let go?
It’s delusional. I must let go because there is nothing for me here and I have to admit that to myself. It hurts, it’s been hurting.
My heart seems to disagree with me it continues to hold on and though I read and reread your words actually telling me my contact is unwanted, it’s still so hard to believe.
I think once I move and get settled around the mountains and I get a few hiking friends and go on some trips, the idea of us will have faded. I will have let go by then.
Hopefully I can find someone who will love me as you did, but in a healthy way. Someone who knows who I am and why I do things as I do. Someone who understands how to make me feel loved. Someone who understands how to respect the boundaries of our relationship and doesn’t have the need to seek male attention as you do (still). I think about the dude you’re married to, wow that guy has no idea. And I’m not throwing shade your way, it’s just a ton of American guys would have so many issues with your seeking male attention that they will likely feel the same as I did.
Anyway this letter isn’t sent because I care not to hear a response or rebuttal from you.
Still this ending doesn’t seem quite right. It didn’t start in the void, I hope it doesn’t end here but I need to cut off this festering part of my heart. You’ve clearly let go, so as I must.

I don’t know really why I’m posting this but I suppose I’m just hoping that there may just be one person on this sub that has had a similar experience that turned out well.
My partner of two years has been on elvanse 50mg for five years, unchecked. I suggested a while back that we check his blood pressure, getting the doctors to care took a while but we did indeed get it checked and it was indeed high.
Kind story short, after seeking answers for weeks, the ADHD team said that he had to quit his elvanse cold turkey, and that they would not represcribe until his blood pressure was healthy.
This was really scary, as he’s a 29 year old man and has never not been medicated since he was a child. It stressed and upset him but he had to other choice. We discussed it all, withdrawals, how bad they can get, what to expect, I told him I was in this with him no matter what. The withdrawals were awful, but he got through. He’s an extremely positive and cheerful human being and he sees the light even in the worst of times.
Until a couple weeks ago, he said it was getting really bad. He felt joy for nothing, his hobbies, family, work, me. He feels no joy. This week he has told me, looking into my eyes, that he does not love me or want me. This man who 2 months ago asked my dad for my hand in marriage. I feel like he’s going through extreme withdrawals like ahnedonia. This is breaking my heart in every way possible hearing the man I adore so much, tell me he feels nothing for me and does not want to be with me anymore.
Please has anyone experienced anything like this? What happened? When they went back on their ADHD meds did they come back to themselves? I feel like he’s lost and I want him to come back. I miss him so much, he’s my best friend.

I don’t know really why I’m posting this but I suppose I’m just hoping that there may just be one person on this sub that has had a similar experience that turned out well.
My partner of two years has been on elvanse 50mg for five years, unchecked. I suggested a while back that we check his blood pressure, getting the doctors to care took a while but we did indeed get it checked and it was indeed high.
Long story short, after seeking answers for weeks, the ADHD team said that he had to quit his elvanse cold turkey, and that they would not represcribe until his blood pressure was healthy.
This was really scary, as he’s a 29 year old man and has never not been medicated since he was a child. It stressed and upset him but he had to other choice. We discussed it all, withdrawals, how bad they can get, what to expect, I told him I was in this with him no matter what. The withdrawals were awful, but he got through. He’s an extremely positive and cheerful human being and he sees the light even in the worst of times.
Until a couple weeks ago, he said it was getting really bad. He felt joy for nothing, his hobbies, family, work, me. He feels no joy. This week he has told me, looking into my eyes, that he does not love me or want me. This man who 2 months ago asked my dad for my hand in marriage. I feel like he’s going through extreme withdrawals like ahnedonia. This is breaking my heart in every way possible hearing the man I adore so much, tell me he feels nothing for me and does not want to be with me anymore.
Please has anyone experienced anything like this? What happened? When they went back on their ADHD meds did they come back to themselves? I feel like he’s lost and I want him to come back. I miss him so much, he’s my best friend.

I was supposed to be away all weekend with a big group of people in the middle of no where. Early in the afternoon I had my lunch. Then I drank a half bottle of 15% wine and a few beers. I then got a lift to the stag night with family members. At the stag it was basically just drink from the word go. I started on the beers for a while, but then after a while switched to the vodkas. I was also vaping thc cannabis because people there had thc vapes. Later everyone had dinner because it was made for us. But I had no appetite at all. I couldn't eat. But I basically just continued drinking vodka and smoking this thc.
Once it started getting really late I ended up in a situation where when other family members there were going to bed, I couldn't be trusted to be left on my own. So basically I was forced to go to bed as well, unable to leave my room while everyone else continued to party. Because I basically had family members watching over me, and when they went to bed, they wanted me in bed too because I basically couldn't be trusted on my own. As far as I could tell this made me mad and I thought it was really unfair at the time. Now I realise it was the right thing to do, as I was far too drunk and I needed to go to bed. I was far too drunk to be around anybody by this point. But when I was drunk it seems like I thought I wasn't doing anything wrong and almost felt like I was being treated unfairly and picked on. This literally caused me to grab my back pack and just leave. Baring in mind this was in the middle of night and I was in the middle of no where. I walked miles and miles and miles in darkness. Eventually finding this small town where I saw someone walking their dog late at night. They actually helped me, took me back to theirs where them and their friend were having glasses of wine. They gave me some. Also for a long while before this though everyone at the stag had realised I was missing, I was on the phone to other family members in the middle of the night from very far away as I was wanting a lift because I was basically stranded. But when I met the guy with the dog and went back to his, him and his friend were giving me glasses of wine. I think by this point I had sobered up a bit though from all the hours of walking before that. But then a while later my auntie had drove for over an hour from quite far away in the middle of the night to pick me up. She was very angry, and obviously I now realise how much of an idiot I have been.
But this is basically the story of what happened to me the other night.

i'm diagnosed with ocd and it is pretty severe, but something else just feels extremely off and because of my ocd i sometimes feel my concerns aren't taken seriously and seen as obsessive worrying.
the past 4 months i've been in a constant depersonalization episode. i feel like a stranger to myself and my life along with having super bad mood swings- being convinced i'm totally fine and feeling high energy one second and everything is pointless and i'm zoned out the next and will switch in hours and sometimes even shorter. my friendships are struggling and i get super hot and cold with my feelings towards my friends as well and can't get myself to respond for days or weeks at a time, but i often internalize all these feelings which makes me withdraw more. the list goes on
i just feel extremely unstable and all over the place and like there's a bigger picture that i'm missing. so i guess any kind input would be super appreciated and maybe how you "knew" something bigger was happening apart from a previous diagnosis and how you approached that conversation.

So I’m a complete newbie when it comes to dating and I don’t know how to process all of this and when I should put boundaries. Anyway I was in long term relationship and now I’ve been single for almost 2 years and very ready to finally move on from the painful past. I moved to different country and randomly I met a guy. We exchanged our socials and started texting. Very quickly he invited me for a dinner. We had a great time so we caught up very soon and he opened up quite a lot about his difficult past and his painful break up. I could tell he’s still emotionally quite unavailable but I was okay with seeing him casually. We had great sex and really good time. After our 6th date I decided to ask him if he has any intentions towards me and what he’s looking for. He was very confused, admitted that he doesn’t know because it’s too early (it’s been just one month since we’ve met) but he’s not ready for any commitment and he doesn’t want relationship at the moment. It hurt me a bit because I like him quite a lot. But we both agreed on not seeing other people so I feel a bit more secure. Shortly after that conversation I noticed he wasn’t very talkative on the weekend and I got a little insecure and confused and I texted him and explained him why I can’t keep seeing him. I explained that I feel like I need something more than casual thing and this might not work for me. He was very understanding but also sad and a bit disappointed and for the next few days he tried to win me over and texted me like usual but I become a bit distant. Then we went no contact for 4 days. I felt like I really missed him just as a friend and I reached out to him. He was very enthusiastic when we talked again and asked if we can meet up. I invited him over for a dinner. He’s planning to visit me in few days.
But meanwhile I found out that during our “break” he spent the whole weekend with his good old friend of more than 7 years. He even texted me today that last night his friend cooked dinner for him and they went partying. I checked her insta story and there was a pic of him eating breakfast. They are on and off FWB and just before he met me they went on holiday together. They often party together and are really good friends. One time when we were together I saw her sending him selfie on Snapchat. I know he hasn’t done anything wrong by the letter of law but it kinda hurt. When we were dating shortly we both agreed on exclusivity but I can’t be mad at him for what he did since I broke it off.
We’re going to see in few days and I’m thinking if I should ask him about it. He knows that for me it’s important that if we plan to have sex and continue to see each other I want to be in exclusive relationship. Since he started seeing his friend again should I ask him about her? I don’t want to come across as insecure and needy so I need advice on how or if I should approach this topic with him. Also if he wants to see me he needs to drive over 1 hour. We live around 55km (35miles) away from each other. So I think he really likes me somehow if he wants to drive that far.

Me and my friends played with the new precons last night, I was using the graveyard and land decks and the others were using eldrazi, energy and graveyard. The energy deck is surprisingly good and only had a bit of trouble in 1 game, eldrazi was reasonable and not oppressive, still felt like the player needed extra attention before he got going, I liked the graveyard deck with the alternate commander, Disa is bad, it’s definitely not as strong as the others.
The land deck is weird, I only got to use it twice but I managed to get the marit lage combo on turn 4 in my first game and basically won because of that, the second game went on for a long time, there’s lots of tutors for lands so you can easily search for the marit lage combo and there’s cards to play lands from your graveyard, the entire game was pretty much a stalemate with everyone’s life totals slowly dwindling until the eldrazi player board wiped and swung for lethal. I found that other than the marit lage combo there’s no real win condition with this deck, I don’t know if I was missing something but I had tonnes of mana with not much impactful to do, maybe someone can point out where I’m going wrong with it?
The big flaw with all of them is the interaction, there is little to none. Does anyone else have any feedback and improvements that could be made to these decks?

So I’ve just rewatched the show and I’m still a little confused about whether it was only Onjo who wrote all three ribbons that were shown hanging on the tree with the snacks underneath. The one that they all chose to pay respects to their deceased friends on the final episode.
The three focused ribbons said :

1. “Isak, I miss you.”
2. “Namra, comeback.”
3. “Cheongsan, I love you.”

I’m 100% sure that she wrote number 1 and 3. At first I was sure that she also wrote number 2 too, but as I rewatched the series after a year 1/2 and read a comment on an old post here saying that it was Suhyeok it’s confusing once again. My mind is telling me that it was Onjo but I’m secretly hoping that it was actually Suhyeok.
By the longing look that he gave her it’s obvious that he’s still in love with Namra, don’t know how there are actual people out there saying that it was just a little crush and that he got over her. Which is stupid because nobody does the things that he did for her just cause of a ‘little crush.’