I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/notofamily posting in AmItheAsshole
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 21st March 2021
Update - 20th April 2021
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AITA for respecting my late wife’s wishes about keeping her family out?
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My wife unfortunately passed away last year when our daughter was only 3 months old. It was very difficult to get through but my little girl and I are keeping it together.
My daughter is 16 months now and there’s been pressure from my wife’s sister to let her side of the family see my daughter.
The issue is my wife had absolutely no contact with her family since she was 18, so 16 years of not seeing them. Her home life was something she never wanted to talk about.
It always made her upset so I never pushed her to tell me. All I know is they were manipulative and abusive in some form. She left as soon as she was 18, changed her last name and never spoke to them again.
4 years ago she got into contact with her older sister and she’s the only person my wife allowed into our lives. By that I mean we met through video chat but never actually in person.
We still maintained contact after my wife passed and we met a couple times before and during my wife’s funeral. My sister-in-law called me a few weeks ago. She mentioned her parents would really like to meet their granddaughter and want to start over.
They didn’t attend my wife’s funeral because they knew she wouldn’t want them to be there.
One thing my wife always made clear is that she did not want them near our daughter. Ever.
Telling my SIL this...well she got very upset. She said it’s been years and yes her parents were awful people (again won’t say exactly what they did) but losing their daughter has made them reflect on things. And they want to meet my daughter since my wife never gave them that chance.
She’s still trying to convince me and so far I’ve said no. Each time I just feel more and more bad for denying them but it’s what my wife wanted.
Her parents found my Facebook (pretty sure SIL might’ve told them) and I’ve gotten dozens of messages begging me to let my daughter know her moms side of the family. And I shouldn’t keep her from knowing her grandparents for past mistakes.
None of them will leave me alone and SIL has said a few times that I may be grieving losing a wife but to have some empathy for them losing a child. Because right now I’m being “too heartless” for denying them the chance to meet the only piece of my wife they have left.
I’m at my wits end with this because I’m not sure if I am being an asshole or not. I don’t know the whole reason why my wife never wanted to see them again. Even if I did though, I’d still like to honor her wish.
The way they are being however, makes it hard not to wonder if I am?
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Comments
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birdiepet
NTA

All I know is they were manipulative and abusive in some form.

The best prediction of future behavior is past behavior

None of them will leave me alone
I’m at my wits end with this because I’m not sure if I am being an asshole or not.

You're getting a glimpse of their manipulative tactics

One thing my wife always made clear is that she did not want them near our daughter. Ever.

Honor her wish.
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Big_Fans_Comedy
If the family really didn’t attend the funeral to “respect her wishes”, I’m sure they’d do the same here. Don’t let them near your daughter ever, OP
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pugluv91
NTA. Do not let them have anything to do with your daughter. The last thing you want is to allow them to have a relationship with your daughter and then after a while you see exactly why your wife didn't want anything to do with them, because depending where you live if they have an established relationship with your daughter they can go for grandparents rights, as of right now they have no grounds. Cut the sil off to she's just giving you a taste of how toxic the rest of your wife's family are. Protect your child.

OOP: Thank you for the advice. With everything on my plate it’s just been so overwhelming and now this whole situation. I want to be able to honor my wife’s wishes. Whatever the reason was that made her cut all contact with them

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Permit-Extreme-117
And do not believe the parents crap that they are grieving the loss of their child. They abused her and lost her completely 16 years ago. They deserve nothing.
The fact neither your wife or her sister can even indicate in even a vague or more generalised way the abuse that occurred, means it was truly horrendous.
Tell your SIL this is a permanent and hard no, and if she cannot accept and respect that fully (which means providing no information to her parents), then she cannot have contact with your child either. You need to be very very careful with her even if it appears she's going along with this. You'll likely need to cut her off too anyway, as she's already shown she's on their side.
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**Judgement - NTA*\*
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Update - 1 month later
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Thank you everyone for all the lovely comments and support. I was really worn down with this whole ordeal so all your input was so very appreciated . There was a lot of you that expressed your concerns about what my wife’s family’s intentions were and warned me about taking precautions to keep my daughter safe. I have taken these into consideration and have made steps to ensure they have no access to any information that could disclose our location.
And yes in the end I did decide it was best to cut off all contact, not only with my wife’s parents but her sister too. I tried to get through to her many times about why I’d like to to respect my wife’s call on this since she knew her family best and what they did. Despite all the reassurance that her parents have changed she’s still refused do actually say what went down so that was not at all convincing for me.
Once I blocked them all I was getting calls from different numbers the following days. I sent one final message to her sister stating they’re never allowed near me or my daughter and if they ever tried to come harass us I will get authorities involved. Since then it was radio silence for the last couple weeks but I decided to play it safe a few days ago and changed my phone number.
I’ve also deleted my Facebook since I don’t use it that often but have put my other social media accounts on private. Got many great suggestions from many of you about how to make sure they have absolutely no access to my daughter so I really appreciate that! I’ve saved a few of these comments incase I need some extra tips in the future as my daughter gets older and starts school.
Since I last posted and have cut contact I feel like I can finally breathe. You have no idea how stressful and draining the whole thing was for me so really, thank you all for the help! I’ve been more at peace putting this all behind me and focusing on my beautiful little girl. Just wanted to leave this update since I know there was a lot of concern about how this would all play out.
Thanks again, internet strangers! :)
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Comments
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[deleted]
You can tell you did the right thing because they were already bringing a lot of bad energy without them being in your's or your daughter's life yet (and now never) : "You have no idea how stressful and draining the whole thing was for me so really,"

OOP: So very true! My god I didn’t realize just how exhausted I truly was until after I completely blocked them off

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DanetteGirl
Please tell me you have a will and a plan if (God forbid) anything happens to you. These people have shown themselves to be untrustworthy in concerns to your child.

OOP: Oh absolutely. We already had one prepared before my wife passed. My daughter’s godparents (my sister and her husband) would be the ones who’d look after her

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CarmenNirvana
I remember reading your original post and am happy to hear that you worked it out!
Based on the way your SIL was deflecting the question of what happened I think the reason why your late wife went NC (and why she never told you) would absolutely justify keeping your child away from them. The possibilities are endless but all progressively worse. If you know if the authorities were involved or other people in your late wife's life that would have an idea, it might be worth it to look into it/get a PI just so you have that peace of mind.
Regardless, you made the right decision and best wishes!!!

OOP: I’ve thought about that but part of me isn’t sure if I’d feel better or worse knowing what happened and what exactly it was that my wife had to live with in silence. I’m still thinking about it

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Snarky_Boojum
Some things are best left alone. If they’re being quiet now, I’d suggest leaving the entire situation in the past and, as you put it, focus on your beautiful little girl.
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I found out yesterday that my (41M) wife (38F) of nearly 16 years has cheated on me with a married colleague from work. I think I'm still in shock as it doesn't seem to quite have set in that my marriage is likely over.
Apparently it happened gradually as she says she was seduced by his flattery. I know for a fact that they visited a hotel for sex last year when she said she was meeting a friend (female). She says that she felt that I didn't want her anymore and that it felt like I was her room mate. I won't deny that our sex life had slowed down significantly, but truthfully I was waiting for her to initiate sex after having been shot down so much in the months leading up to it. She advised that she just didn't feel sexy but I tried to reassure her that I thought she was. Other physical intimacy such as cuddling, kissing and loving affirmations were still happening throughout.
After Christmas, I noticed that she seemed a little distant and was spending a lot more time on her phone. At this point, I talked to her about what the problem was. She stated that she thought I didn't want to be with her anymore. I reassured her that this wasn't the case and that I loved her.
It's important to note that she has had struggles with her mental health. She has been on anti-depressants for a couple of years now. We had also always agreed to be childfree and she was happy for me to have a vasectomy, but after talking to her at Christmas she stated that her feelings had changed and her biological clock was ticking.
I suggested the possibility of counselling, as this was a red line for me. I do not want kids, ever and I didn't want her to resent me for it in years to come. She initially agreed to this, but never followed up on it. Fast forward to this month and although she had seemed happier, I still had a nagging suspicion that something wasn't right as she was always on her phone, taking it everywhere.
I'm not proud of myself, but I went on her phone when she was asleep. Although she had deleted all of the messages from him, some messages from one of her friends who works at the same company seemed to indicate that something had been going on. The word 'soulmate' was mentioned, which honestly felt like my heart had been ripped in two.. I confronted her with this, but she denied anything physical, saying he was just a very good friend that had she had grown very close to. She advised that her mental health issues had gotten worse over the last year, with heavy suicidal ideation, but she was scared to bring it up as she didn't want to get sectioned. The work colleague was apparently something of a kindred spirit she could talk to about it, as she was terrified that I would leave her or have her sectioned. That she felt that this man was her soulmate from that point of view.
I explained that this was an emotional affair at the very least. She denied that is was and that there was nothing physical going on. That she had cut off contact with him anyway due to him being quote "stalker-y"
Since I'm posting here, it won't surprise you to know that I've since found deleted emails regarding a meeting at a hotel prior to Christmas, as well as references to sexual acts and pictures sent (deleted but they're mentioned). I confronted her again yesterday morning and she confirmed that it had been physical on 5 occasions over 2 meetings.
I've since left the house to try and get my mind in order, but she's had a mental breakdown since. I made sure she contacted the doctor and arranged to get some help for her, including counselling before I left as I was truly worried she might hurt herself.
I've since received a lot of messages advising how it was a mistake that she made in her darkest time and that she loves me, but I'm not sure if I can ever look at her in the same way again. I love her but I have no idea what on earth to do.
Apologies for the wall of text, but I just needed to vent and ask whether it's even possible to save this marriage if indeed I want to.

Six minute read *** I was also unable to post this to relationship advice***
So I go to college in CO but am from MN which is where my boyfriend and I met in senior year of highschool. Everything was great, I even moved to CO so that I could go to school near him because he was moving there. Once college started insecurities started to show, after being SA'd by a guy at college he demanded that if I am hanging out with people I have to tell him the names of everyone one there. He also to this day says that I technically cheated on him when I was SA'd because I didn't tell him the name of the guy right away. I've been r*ped for three months in a past relationship so it was an honest trauma reaction when I didn't tell him the name and I told him that. The controlling got worse and worse to the point tha I would be anxious to the point of being nauseous if I hung out with even friends that he knew. If I was asked to go to the club I would have to ask permission which would 100% of the time lead him saying no. I should add that after the SA incident we broke up for three months, I expected to never talk to him again and was really happy being single and free but he wiggled his way back into my life leading to us getting back together. This last winter break I was so done with it, I gathered the courage to have a serious talk about his controlling behavior specifically about him saying I can't go to the club, not because I wanted to go party but because of the fact that he thought he could tell me yes or no. In my mind I was ready to end things based on how he reacted to the talk, but he reacted well and so we stayed together and now I am allowed to go to clubs etc. I also must add that when we are in person hanging out everything is fine, we don't fight, we just chill and have fun. We just don't know how to communicate until things start to boil over because it makes both of us very uncomfortable to talk about issues in our relationship in person (I know that is not good and have been working on it) I do feel that things aren't the same as they used to be, there is a feeling of walking on egg shells around him a good amount of the time, things have been better recently. If one little thing happens he will be crabby and just shut down the rest of the day, even losing a game. When my older sister F(23) came to visit a few weeks ago he said that he would take us to the aquarium, we were getting food at the dining hall at my school and so I went out to his car to invite him to sit with us until we are ready to leave. He was in one of his "moods" and was angry, he just said no and that he will wait for us in his car and then hit the gas and loudly sped away when I was three feet away from him car. Later that night we were all drinking and he admitted with a laugh and smile on his face that he acted like that because he was listening to logics new album or something and "just needed to grind" whatever the fuck that means. My sister was driving in his car alone with him for maybe 15 minutes max. and said that even she felt like she was walking on egg shells and that she understood me now because he would get upset at the smallest things. It honestly just embarrassed me that he couldn't try to be nice around my sister, that just shows me that he doesn't care.
So now to get to the actual story, sorry that I rambled, I am currently visiting my family in MN for two weeks, he is still in CO. A week ago I went to visit one of my only friends from highschool for a sleepover, we went down to eat dinner and when we came back upstairs I saw that I had a missed call from him, I then saw this exact text: "Hey J***a! I miss you a lot right now. I know you're having a fun time out in Minnesota with your friends and your family. I love and care about you very much, I know you know that. It's time to move on from each other. This hurts a lot and I'm shaking while typing this. But I need to fly solo for a while and figure some shit out on my end. " My honest reaction was "I think blank just broke up with me?" My friend was so nice and then asked me how I felt, I honestly didn't feel sad, I was mainly just confused because of how random it was, he was acting completely normal up until then. I tried calling him back but it went straight to voicemail sp I texted him this: "I wish we could've had this talk on the phone. I was eating dinner downstairs when you called. I tried calling but you aren't answering so.
I agree, I feel like we haven't been in love like we used to for a long time, and I think moving on is the best thing for both of us." He never replied the rest of the night. The rest of the night I didn't cry or feel sad, I called my girl friends that I'm living with in CO, after them asking me how I felt and stuff we just started making fun plans for our single girl summer. Every single one of my friends does not like my boyfriend including my sister. They have been telling me to break up with him for months but I am honestly too scared and uncomfortable to, plus things are good when we are hanging out in person so I figured to just not worry about it. The next day my ex snapchatted me asking if we could have a phone call later if that is okay with me, I said sure expecting him to just tell me why he wanted to break up. But instead he said that the night before he saw some old screenshots (from the old SA incident) that made him go into a downward spiral. I will say I said some awful stuff behind his back which was the screenshots he was looking at. He then convinced himself that I had cheated on him and that I didn't actually get assaulted and that all of the times that I studied with my guy friends or hungout with them that we were fucking. So he just sent that text and powered off his phone. I will also say that I have never cheated on him. The next day he woke up and regretted it, he admitted that he also felt nauseous and scared which is think means he was just scared to be alone because we've been together for so long and he doesn't have any IRL friends in CO, so he would've basically been alone. So anyways on the phone the day after breaking up with me he told me why he sent the text and then started talking about how he was sad because he wasn't thinking lastnight, that he was only thinking about the bad things but then started thinking about all of the good times we have had and that that was what made him so sad the next morning. He said he truly loved me and wanted to at least say that he tried to get me back. I was again just very confused and shocked at this information, I tend to feel really bad for people even when they don't deserve it and so when he said he would've regretted this for the rest of his life and that he really loved me I caved and agreed to see if we can work things out. That being said I made sure to let him know that what he did was really shitty and not normal, and that it of course hurt me the way he went about it all. I have been telling him that he needs to go back to therapy for a year and he kept saying no, so on the phone I told him that if I'm even going to consider getting back with him he is going to get therapy. I know that may be shitty and I don't like telling people what to do but that is honestly what I think he needs if we even have a chance at getting better as a couple. At this time we are also planning to see eachother when I get back to CO to have an in-person talk about a lot of stuff. I told him that we can "stay together" but that I need time to think and I don't want to be official until I see major amount of change from him. Which historically has never really happened or the changes he made he eventually let slip and went back to his old ways which were toxic.
So now I am here, not sure what to think. I have been trying to really think about what I want and how I feel without thinking about his feelings but it's been really hard. We agreed to reconvene and see if things are better at the end of the summer, allowing him time to work on himself. But I don't know if I want to do that. I feel like things won't change, only because they haven't in the past when he said that they would. I also don't know how to end things if I were to.
If you were me what would you honestly do? It's hard to end such a long relationship.

Six minute read
So I go to college in CO but am from MN which is where my boyfriend and I met in senior year of highschool. Everything was great, I even moved to CO so that I could go to school near him because he was moving there. Once college started insecurities started to show, after being SA'd by a guy at college he demanded that if I am hanging out with people I have to tell him the names of everyone one there. He also to this day says that I technically cheated on him when I was SA'd because I didn't tell him the name of the guy right away. I've been r*ped for three months in a past relationship so it was an honest trauma reaction when I didn't tell him the name and I told him that. The controlling got worse and worse to the point tha I would be anxious to the point of being nauseous if I hung out with even friends that he knew. If I was asked to go to the club I would have to ask permission which would 100% of the time lead him saying no. I should add that after the SA incident we broke up for three months, I expected to never talk to him again and was really happy being single and free but he wiggled his way back into my life leading to us getting back together. This last winter break I was so done with it, I gathered the courage to have a serious talk about his controlling behavior specifically about him saying I can't go to the club, not because I wanted to go party but because of the fact that he thought he could tell me yes or no. In my mind I was ready to end things based on how he reacted to the talk, but he reacted well and so we stayed together and now I am allowed to go to clubs etc. I also must add that when we are in person hanging out everything is fine, we don't fight, we just chill and have fun. We just don't know how to communicate until things start to boil over because it makes both of us very uncomfortable to talk about issues in our relationship in person (I know that is not good and have been working on it) I do feel that things aren't the same as they used to be, there is a feeling of walking on egg shells around him a good amount of the time, things have been better recently. If one little thing happens he will be crabby and just shut down the rest of the day, even losing a game. When my older sister F(23) came to visit a few weeks ago he said that he would take us to the aquarium, we were getting food at the dining hall at my school and so I went out to his car to invite him to sit with us until we are ready to leave. He was in one of his "moods" and was angry, he just said no and that he will wait for us in his car and then hit the gas and loudly sped away when I was three feet away from him car. Later that night we were all drinking and he admitted with a laugh and smile on his face that he acted like that because he was listening to logics new album or something and "just needed to grind" whatever the fuck that means. My sister was driving in his car alone with him for maybe 15 minutes max. and said that even she felt like she was walking on egg shells and that she understood me now because he would get upset at the smallest things. It honestly just embarrassed me that he couldn't try to be nice around my sister, that just shows me that he doesn't care.
So now to get to the actual story, sorry that I rambled, I am currently visiting my family in MN for two weeks, he is still in CO. A week ago I went to visit one of my only friends from highschool for a sleepover, we went down to eat dinner and when we came back upstairs I saw that I had a missed call from him, I then saw this exact text: "Hey J***a! I miss you a lot right now. I know you're having a fun time out in Minnesota with your friends and your family. I love and care about you very much, I know you know that. It's time to move on from each other. This hurts a lot and I'm shaking while typing this. But I need to fly solo for a while and figure some shit out on my end. " My honest reaction was "I think blank just broke up with me?" My friend was so nice and then asked me how I felt, I honestly didn't feel sad, I was mainly just confused because of how random it was, he was acting completely normal up until then. I tried calling him back but it went straight to voicemail sp I texted him this: "I wish we could've had this talk on the phone. I was eating dinner downstairs when you called. I tried calling but you aren't answering so.
I agree, I feel like we haven't been in love like we used to for a long time, and I think moving on is the best thing for both of us." He never replied the rest of the night. The rest of the night I didn't cry or feel sad, I called my girl friends that I'm living with in CO, after them asking me how I felt and stuff we just started making fun plans for our single girl summer. Every single one of my friends does not like my boyfriend including my sister. They have been telling me to break up with him for months but I am honestly too scared and uncomfortable to, plus things are good when we are hanging out in person so I figured to just not worry about it. The next day my ex snapchatted me asking if we could have a phone call later if that is okay with me, I said sure expecting him to just tell me why he wanted to break up. But instead he said that the night before he saw some old screenshots (from the old SA incident) that made him go into a downward spiral. I will say I said some awful stuff behind his back which was the screenshots he was looking at. He then convinced himself that I had cheated on him and that I didn't actually get assaulted and that all of the times that I studied with my guy friends or hungout with them that we were fucking. So he just sent that text and powered off his phone. I will also say that I have never cheated on him. The next day he woke up and regretted it, he admitted that he also felt nauseous and scared which is think means he was just scared to be alone because we've been together for so long and he doesn't have any IRL friends in CO, so he would've basically been alone. So anyways on the phone the day after breaking up with me he told me why he sent the text and then started talking about how he was sad because he wasn't thinking lastnight, that he was only thinking about the bad things but then started thinking about all of the good times we have had and that that was what made him so sad the next morning. He said he truly loved me and wanted to at least say that he tried to get me back. I was again just very confused and shocked at this information, I tend to feel really bad for people even when they don't deserve it and so when he said he would've regretted this for the rest of his life and that he really loved me I caved and agreed to see if we can work things out. That being said I made sure to let him know that what he did was really shitty and not normal, and that it of course hurt me the way he went about it all. I have been telling him that he needs to go back to therapy for a year and he kept saying no, so on the phone I told him that if I'm even going to consider getting back with him he is going to get therapy. I know that may be shitty and I don't like telling people what to do but that is honestly what I think he needs if we even have a chance at getting better as a couple. At this time we are also planning to see eachother when I get back to CO to have an in-person talk about a lot of stuff. I told him that we can "stay together" but that I need time to think and I don't want to be official until I see major amount of change from him. Which historically has never really happened or the changes he made he eventually let slip and went back to his old ways which were toxic.
So now I am here, not sure what to think. I have been trying to really think about what I want and how I feel without thinking about his feelings but it's been really hard. We agreed to reconvene and see if things are better at the end of the summer, allowing him time to work on himself. But I don't know if I want to do that. I feel like things won't change, only because they haven't in the past when he said that they would. I also don't know how to end things if I were to.
If you were me what would you honestly do? It's hard to end such a long relationship.

My name is Jessica, and I live in a small central American city of about 80,000 people.Today I'm going to share a story about Korea.First, I'd like to tell you a little bit about my family.When I was born, I already had an older brother.I don't mean just a little sister with an older brother.My brother was adopted from Korea.It's an unusual situation, isn't it? My parents struggled with infertility for several years before I was born, and they ended up adopting my Korean brother.Then, a few years later, they got pregnant with me, and I was born.My brother had different hair color, skin color, and eye color than me, but we got along very well.Even though we knew from a young age that we were adopted because of our differences, we got along well, and we were a family that loved each other deeply.
We played the same games, read books together, and spent a lot of time together. He always took good care of me, and he was a good brother who made me laugh.
I would say, “Brother, let's read this book together!” and he would always smile and read it to me. I think I liked and enjoyed his warmth to me, rather than focusing on the content of the book.
When we left our cozy home environment, it was time to go to school, and during this time, my brother and I were asked a lot of embarrassing questions.One day, while my brother and I were playing together, a friend asked me, “Jessica, why does your brother look different from you?”The question gave me pause, but he smiled and replied, “Because we are a family, looks don't matter. His positive attitude had a good effect on me, and I'm sure he had a good effect on himself, too.Watching him grow up right, and our family became interested in Korea. If he was a troublemaker and always in trouble, he wouldn't have had the time to take the time to learn about his country of origin, Korea, but when he studied well, didn't fight with his friends, and was a good person who always loved and cared for his brother, we couldn't help but wonder about his roots.
I think my parents also had the will to share Korean culture with my brother and me, to learn what they could, to broaden our horizons and deepen our family's understanding.Many years ago, when I was in middle school, my family visited Korea for the first time, and the experience left a great impression on me.
We visited many tourist spots in Seoul and saw the harmonious combination of Korean tradition and modernity.And Korea, with its many dark-haired, dark-eyed people like my brother, was somehow not foreign to me.For Americans traveling to Asia for the first time, this could have been difficult because people look different and give off different vibes, but not for me. My parents, of course, were very excited to revisit Korea, the country of my brother's birth, and spoke so many blessings about the land of my brother's birth.Of course, there were many good things to see and many fun things to do in Korea, but the most memorable moment was when I suddenly developed a high fever.
It was a quiet night in Korea at the time, and I suddenly developed a high fever.This change was so sudden that my parents panicked.Eventually, with the help of the hotel we were staying at, they were able to get me to the emergency room in Korea, where I was quickly treated.Upon arrival, the medical staff quickly assessed my condition and ran the necessary tests.The whole process was organized, and thanks to the professionalism and quick response of the medical staff, I was able to get comfortable quickly. My situation was so serious that my head hurt like a rock and I could barely understand what was being said around me, but thanks to their quick response, my fever started to come down and I was able to return to my senses.The tests showed that I had a severe flu, which had been contracted in the United States and had incubated in Korea.I had to stop traveling in Korea and be admitted to the hospital for treatment, but thanks to the fast and efficient healthcare system in Korea, this was not a problem.
My parents breathed a sigh of relief and expressed their deep gratitude to the Korean healthcare system.“If it wasn't for Korea, I would have been in trouble,” my father said.Although my family had to stop our trip to Korea and spend the rest of my stay in a Korean hospital, looking back, it was also a unique experience abroad.
Many years later, as an adult, my relationship with my brother was still good. We enjoyed Korean dramas, movies, and music together, cooked Korean food together, and learned Korean together.
However, there was a clear difference between me and him: he seemed to be better at learning, even if he spent the same amount of time studying, and he went to a prestigious university, while I failed to get into college and became depressed.
He helped me with my studies every vacation, taught me how to study, and helped me to get into a prestigious university, but the results were not good. I was rejected by all the universities I applied to, and I was going through a very difficult time. After he graduated from college, he moved back home from the East Coast of the United States and helped me study for the college entrance exam, and with his help, I was able to get into college, albeit late.
Although I didn't get into a prestigious university like my brother, I still had a satisfying college experience and broadened my horizons.Naturally, I discovered that Korea has been on the global radar lately, which was very exciting.Korea may be the latest trend for Americans these days, but for me and my brother, it's like going back to our roots.I've always loved Korea, and it was very interesting and fond to reminisce about my trip to Korea when I was in middle school and look through my photo albums, even though half the time I was sick. So, my brother and I decided to visit Korea again, and this time, we had several goals for the trip: we wanted to make sure that we got it right this time, because we didn't get it right the first time, and my brother wanted to get to know his Korean roots better, even though he is now an adult, working as an American and living as an American, and I wanted to get to know my Korean roots better in relation to my major in college, and this time, I wanted to research more about the Korean healthcare system that I had experienced as a child.
Of course, I also wanted to have fun in Korea and enjoy the freedom to roam around the country unlike when I was a student, but I didn't take it too seriously.
Korea was so different from the U.S. It had the look of a big city in the U.S., but it had its own unique vibe. It was much more developed than the neighborhoods we live in in the U.S., and everywhere you looked was filled with people, and there were hundreds or thousands of stores selling a variety of things. If you were walking around and traveling, and you got thirsty and needed a break, there were cafes all around you that you could just pop into and take a break, and you didn't have to go far to find a restaurant that had one Korean food and sold it, because all the infrastructure was there.
Everything is around you, and everything you want or need is always right around the corner, which is why people call city life so convenient and love it.The public transportation system in Korea, which is light years better than the big cities in the U.S., helped us get around without any difficulty.It was also so much fun to get a T-money card, carry it around, and use it to get around Korea for a very low cost.
And when my brother and I would walk around, going to cafes, restaurants, and other places where there was something to do, many Koreans would tell us that we made a good looking couple.When I would tell them, in a pleasant and complimentary way, that we were actually brother and sister, they would look surprised and apologize.
But it's completely understandable, because even in the U.S., more people think of us as a couple or friends than they do as siblings, and there's not much of an adoption culture in Korea, and no one adopts and brings European or American children to Korea, so it's no wonder we get these funny misunderstandings.
To be honest, even in the U.S. nowadays, you can still encounter people who ask my brother and I questions about our relationship with unpleasant intentions to hurt us, assuming that we are not a couple or friends, but maybe even a man.A recent memory is of an American grandfather in his 70s who made a very rude remark to us, asking us what kind of father our father was to have two women give birth at the same time.
In the U.S., most people are friendly and kind to me, but the problem is that some people sometimes make fun of my brother because he looks Asian, but this was not the case in Korea at all.No one discriminated against me because of my different appearance.
And there's actually a story I wasn't going to tell in this article, but I'm writing it down because I had my brother's permission to do so.After arriving in Korea, we decided to search for my adopted brother's birth parents in order to trace his roots.My parents and I respected his decision to pursue this endeavor in Korea, and of course, we decided to support it. We visited the Korean adoption agency and requested my brother's adoption records.The representative provided us with all the information possible and was eager to help us, saying that efforts to find one's roots are ongoing every day.Together, we were able to find some important clues in the records.
My brother decided to visit his birthplace based on those clues, and of course, I joined him on the journey.We were always laughing since we came to Korea, but at this moment, there was more seriousness than laughter.We visited my brother's birthplace together and talked to the local people.
At the time, there was only a vague record of my brother's father and mother, but no proper records, so we only knew where he was born, and we had to go there and find someone who had lived there for a long time.But Korea is a very fast-developing country, and the sad thing is that the area where my brother was born and spent the first few months of his life was already torn down and replaced by a huge apartment complex. We felt that if we had come sooner, at least before these new apartments were built, things would have been at least better than they were, but there was no point in regretting what had passed.We visited the social welfare center and police station in the area, explained our situation, and asked for help.The Korean people were very kind, listening to my brother's story and letting us know what we could do.
We were told that when a new apartment building is built in Korea, new people who have no connection to the area move into the apartment, but that some of the people who live in these new apartments have been living here for a long time, most likely elderly people, and that the best thing to do is to find them and ask them about their past.We felt that this information would be very useful to us, as we were very confused and frustrated.
So my brother and I, along with a Korean lady who felt sorry for us and wanted to help, approached the elderly people who came in and out of the apartment and asked them questions.But despite all our efforts, we were unsuccessful in finding my brother's biological parents.We had many clues and information, but we were unable to find any conclusive evidence.My brother was disappointed, but we were comforted by the fact that we had done our best. Maybe if we could have spent a few weeks, maybe even a few months here to find and talk to an elderly person with memories of the past, we could have found a clue to the solution, but we couldn't stay in Korea, so in the end, we had to give up without proceeding any further.When I saw the look on my brother's face as he said that if he had the chance, he would visit Korea next time for this sole purpose, I felt a great sense of disappointment.“It's a shame that we couldn't find them, but thank you for trying,” he said to me.I couldn't say it anymore.
It would have been great if he could have completed his homework, but he didn't.Contrary to my initial expectations, the Korean adoption agency tried to be as helpful as possible, and I was very grateful to the government officials in the place of my brother's supposed birth, who were very sympathetic to his situation and actively tried to help him, and to the Korean lady who passed by.
Having been treated by the Korean healthcare system in the past, I took this level of care for granted and thought that it was something that everyone could enjoy, but then, when I was a high school student in the U.S., I was seriously ill and did not receive the same care as I did in Korea, so I remember suffering terribly and tried to understand why this difference occurred.
Before I came to Korea, I had already arranged to meet with someone, and although I didn't get to visit any specialized institutions, I was able to meet with Korean college students, and I learned a lot of information from them: medical students, pharmacy students, and I was able to get a lot of information from them.
The Korean healthcare system was different from the U.S. in many ways: it was fast, efficient, and provided a high level of care at a relatively low cost.The quick response and organized system for emergencies was especially impressive.The emergency rooms in Korea were very reasonably priced, allowing people to go to them for minor and mild symptoms.At this point, I thought that if there were a lot of people going to the emergency room for minor symptoms, it would be a problem if someone came in who needed emergency care, but the hospitals in Korea made it very easy to answer that question. I also learned that when a really urgent patient comes in, the emergency room prioritizes the emergency patients and treats them first, ignoring the minor ones. It's so simple and obvious: the doctors have the skills to determine the severity of the patient's condition, and they can prioritize the treatment accordingly.
Not only that, but it was very easy to get an appointment in Korea and the wait time was short. The Korean medical staff emphasized patient care and prompt treatment, and they utilized the latest medical technology and equipment to provide the best possible medical care.
In the U.S., medical care is often very expensive, complicated, and difficult to access quickly, and many people are unable to get proper treatment due to insurance issues.I also received prompt treatment in Korea when I was in middle school without insurance and had to pay a reasonable price, but the experience was a nightmare as I remember being very sick in middle school and high school, and I felt that the Korean system was far superior.I felt that the Korean healthcare system is not for profit, but is dedicated to protecting the health of the people.
Through my experiences in Korea, I learned about a much broader world than what my brother and I knew before.There are many factors that make Korea such a great country, but the culture and system that my brother and I experienced firsthand helped us understand why.And most of all, Korea is the country that made my brother.I have grateful feelings for Korea, which is also my brother's roots.
My brother and I could tell without speaking to each other that through this visit, we saw in each other a willingness to continue to love Korea more and more, and to strive to learn and understand Korean culture.
Korea is now a country that has special meaning to me as an adult, and I think it will be a great pleasure for me to honor my brother's roots and watch Korea develop and grow.I will continue to connect with Korea and try to help more people discover its charms.
And next year, he plans to visit Korea to find his roots once again. He plans to stay in Korea for more than a month, and he will continue his best efforts during that period.

my family situation is complicated. I have two grandparents on my paternal side that are alive, and one grandparent on my maternal side. my maternal grandmother stole my mother’s inheritance from her father’s will when he passed, and it’s not that my mom cared about the money. it’s just hard to allow someone to remain in your life when they steal from you, especially during such a vulnerable time in your life, as a family member. my paternal grandparents are another story. my grandfather is attentive and comes to every life event, though with his age and one leg, it’s been harder for him to get out in recent years. he is the sole caregiver from my grandma so he is forced to get out daily though. however, he recently broke his back. and my parents and I are her caregivers now. my grandmother is mentally ill, and hasn’t left the house in over 10 years. she missed my high school and college graduation, my sisters wedding, and my sisters graduate and masters graduations. I assume both grandmothers will miss my wedding and graduation from nursing school. for the last few years, my grandpa has been the only reason she had food each day, and clean clothes, despite her being hateful towards him. when I see her, she continuously tells me she wants to die (she is only 78 and is in relatively good health, no cancer, no diseases), auctioning off her items when I see her. however, she doesn’t take care of herself, and has let her teeth rot, her eyesight is so bad that she uses binoculars to see my face, and her toenails are 4 inches long. she won’t let my grandpa help her with her hygiene, and she refuses to do it for herself. the only thing she talks to me about is the news. she will begin with the new gossip, then move onto the wars in the world and end with how it is all the plan of God, and how the end times are upon us. every time. i’ve been holding out, hoping that she’ll change trying to talk sense into her (shower, stop talking to me like i’m an audience, be nice to your husband). I realized that i’m literally mourning her while she is still alive. i’m longing for the grandmother figure I never had. comparison is the thief of all happiness. I can assure you. I compare my grandmothers to my friends’, boyfriend’s and random people on tik tok’s grandmothers. it’s so unfair. I wish I could tell you all about the great memories I have with my grandmothers, and how many life lessons they taught me. but I can’t. for as long as I can remember (23 years), I have never had a conversation that I would consider normal with my grandmothers. i’ve never been able to go to them for advice, or make cookies with them at christmas time, I never wished to go to their houses when I was little, and I truly forgot what my maternal grandmother looked like because she burned her bridges to my family so long ago. I want to give myself permission to mourn the grandmother figures I wanted to have. I want to grieve the image i’ve had in my head all these years to move on from this world of hurt I live in.

Idk about you guys but I've always loved how a shower felt after a bunch of work. Something special about it. Anyway thanks for reading! :)
They were both offered showers by town citizens happy to open their homes. Gareth found showers immensely awkward but didn’t need to worry as a few townsfolk drew him a bath. With some extra help from Deag, who had taken a short trip to the ship, he treated the water and was finally able to eat something. It was no traditional Weilan spa, but it was… close enough. If he was being entirely honest, he was just glad to finally be able to eat something. He may have fibbed to Pen when they talked about food. He wasn’t near starving quite yet and even though being carried had allowed him to conserve a lot of energy, it wouldn’t have helped much longer.
He looked down at his poor shell. Its color greatly diminished from the lack of food and immense stress of the whole ordeal. He could feel the buildup of toxins in his system before and it was wonderful to feel them washing out. He sighed and slumped down under the water. Again, he inspected his shell. Wilting and greying all over his eyes wandered to the crack made by Pen when she pulled him out of the way of the turret. Probably another two months to heal but it was coming along. She must have remembered it too when they were falling. She was gentler. It honestly surprised him that he managed to survive that fall without any major injury.
Gareth let his thoughts drift aimlessly as he soaked under the water. After a few minutes, though, he heard a thump from outside the tub. He rose up from the water and peeked over the lip of the tub. A small human child stared back from the washroom door. Small by human standards that is. He was shorter than Gareth but only by a few inches. If Ton’et’s human biology lessons were serving him well the boy wouldn’t remain much smaller than him for more than a year or so. He should be quickly entering a time of quick growth that humans experience periodically in their formative years.
“Mmmhmmmb” the boy mumbled, still hiding most of himself behind the door.
“What was that?” Gareth asked.
The boy shirked slightly but found his voice after a moment.
“You… You’re weird looking.”
Gareth chuckled.
“You’re the weird looking one.”
The boy's brow furrowed, easier to read than Pen by far. The child wore his emotions on his face.
“Nuh uh…”
“Yuh huh.” Gareth mimicked the child.
“No, you don’t look like anyone else here.”
“Well, I’m not from here, am I? I’m from a place where everyone looks like me and nobody looks like you.”
This seemed to puzzle the boy.
“How many people?”
Gareth tilted his head. An odd question.
“Lots? Trillions.”
“Is that more than here?”
It dawned on him the math the boy was doing.
“Definitely.”
“Darn…”
The boy lightly tapped the doorframe with his foot.
“You could go see them.” Gareth offered.
“Really?” A shine came to his eyes.
“Oh definitely, there's a ton to see. More places out there than trees in that forest outside.”
The boy didn’t understand trillions but that comparison made sense to him.
“Waoooaahhh,” a frown came to his face quickly, “but I like it here though. I have friends here.”
“So when you miss them, just come on back. No reason you cant enjoy both right?”
Gareth's words were a joyous revelation to the boy.
“I’d love that I think…”
“I think you would to.” Gareth chuckled.
“You may be weird but you're pretty cool. My names Cameron by the way.”
“Pleasure to meet you Cameron, I’m Gareth. I think you’re weird and cool too.”
Cameron giggled and sprinted away, stopped, turned around, closed the door gently, then turned back around and sprinted away again. Gareth sunk back down into the tub smiling.
Pen stepped under the shower head with her face turned up. Steaming hot water hit her face and ran down taking all the stress and sweat with it.
A proper shower was exactly what Pen needed. She was no stranger to dirt and sweat and when needs must, she had no issue. That said, filthy was by no means a preferred state and after two days hard march, sleeping in the dirt, and only washing off in a river, a proper shower felt divine. It almost reminded her of washing off after a particularly arduous drop. There was something especially satisfying about it.
Soap, warm water, and more time to enjoy it than she’d ever have been given on the Basho. After getting clean she turned the heat up as high as it could go and propped herself against the wall of the shower letting the water run over her shoulders and back. The heat melted through the tension and washed it down the drain.
Ahhhhhh. Perfect.
Something tickled her neck and she brought her right hand up to it. She pulled a long strand of hair away. It struck her as odd and brought her attention to her hair. It had gotten longer. The strand in her hand was almost alien due to how long it had been since she’d allowed it to grow out beyond a few inches.
She brought both her hands up now, raking them through the newfound length. She’d start having to wear it up if she didn’t want to cut it.
She kind of didn’t. Why should she?
After a nice long while in the hot shower she turned the water off and stepped out. The bathroom was heavy with steam, but she saw that towels and clothes had been set by the sink for her. She dried herself and examined the clothing. It was a simple handwoven dress, loose cut and floor length. The dress was dyed olive green and parchment white with a humble little leaf-like pattern embroidered around the wrists and neckline.
It certainly wasn’t her normal fare, but it was clearly a kind gesture and matched the clothing most wore around town. With how little worn and well taken care of it looked Pen could guess that it meant a lot to the person who donated it.
Pen donned it and looked to the mirror only to find it utterly fogged up.
A light knock came from the other side of the door.
“Are you alright miss?” a woman’s voice asked.
“Yea…” Pen faltered.
“Oh does the dress not fit? Or would you prefer something else?”
“No, no, it fits fine,” it did reach the floor though perhaps not as much as it was intended to, “How about you tell me how I look.”
Pen opened the door. Steam rolled out as she moved into the room with the young woman. She was a stranger to Pen but looked like the older lady whose house this was. Pen guessed a daughter.
“Oh my, I think you look quite nice! Olive is definitely one of your colors. Here!” The girl fumbled somewhat but showed Pen to a tall mirror in the far corner of the room.
It was… certainly a look. Not one she was used to but that was expected. The dress fit fine and it did look nice. Pen couldn’t help but notice, though, that it sat oddly on her. Not tight or revealing by any means, just… a gentler looking piece of clothing on a less than gently built frame. It wasn’t exactly made to be worn by a muscled body.
“Oh erm here miss,” the young woman handed her a hair tie but pulled back, “or if you want I could help you put it up? Its at that weird point where its not long enough to… you know but too long to uh it can be difficult. If you want I can…”
“I… appreciate it but I’ll be fine. I think I'll leave it down for now.”
“Right. Well, here. Just in case you want to.”
She again handed the hair tie but this time let Pen take it. Pen stowed it around her wrist.
“Is Gareth?”
“Oh yes your friend is across the street at the Patterson's. I can bring you over if you like.”
“Lead the way.”
“Of course.”
The girl led her out of the house and across the street. Pen saw a couple putting up woven cloth streamers across the road. They anchored them in trees with some parallel and others crossing.
As the girl stepped up the front porch of the, apparently, Patterson's house she waved to an older gentleman in a rocking chair.
“Evening Mr. Patterson. This is Penelope, she was just calling on her friend.”
“Evening dear. Evening miss. Yer friend hasn’t come out yet but you can head on up. To the left at the top, far end door.”
“Thanks.”
His hand came up to keep her just a moment.
“Thank you miss.” He said accentuating the ‘you’.
He looked at her like they all did. She knew what he meant and as awkwardly as it always was she smiled and nodded before she pushed past him. At least he had the good sense not to salute.
As she climbed the stairs just inside the door to the house she heard the man ask a question of the girl.
“Dear, could you ask your mother about a few fertilizer spikes? The peach is looking like it needs some help.”
Pen continued too far to make out her reply but could guess by its warm tone that it was a yes. She turned at the top of the stairs and walked to the end of the hall. Knocking on the door she called out to Gareth.
“You still soaking?”
“Just suiting up. I’ll be out in a min.”
A ‘min’ huh? Pen thought.
Previous
First

I can't believe I'm writing this. But I need some insight cause I find myself getting angry and confused. This is my first reddit post. Please excuse my redditor literacy.
This is the most convoluted story. It is long. But it's a ride.
You've been warned.
(Fake names obviously)
I (20f) have a best friend, Karl (20m) of 4 years. Now I see what you might assume. No. We're close but I'm mainly into women, I currently have a partner and have had a partner 90% of the time they where dating.
Now Karl got with Regina(19f) late 2022, the relationship started off rocky as she said "I only want you" but then kissed her ex, and then couldn't decide who she wanted. But still insisted once she chose Karl, she wanted to stay friends with her ex. Posted pictures when they'd "hang out" where it looked like she was sitting on his lap. But she swore she wasn't. Constantly blocked him after things would happen, then unblocked him, lied, then cried when Karl would find out.
Yes. Infuriating. But here you go. That's how Regina was introduced to our lives.
It took a while but eventually I tried to look past this. I care about Karl, if this was who he loved. We accepted it. Infact made it a point to invite her out to gatherings, made sure to offer her food, offer her drinks, chatting. Making sure she's involved. Gassing her up. Girlie things. (God I'm so desperate for everyone to love me it's a problem.)
Then her friends, ex boyfriend began to follow me, I had hoped this was because of how well I'd done to make friends. But this waa short lived.
Originally I'd just hoped it was banter. I'd chat to them, often sending pictures with Regina in her classes and joking with me.
Unfortunately I have social impairments, Slowly it became clear they where just laughing at me, calling me names but with cutesy emojis. Remember the girls in highschool? The ones thatd pretend to be your friend in class because it was funny? Like that.
So i stopped paying attention, often ignoring them. Unfortunately it only got worse. It got to a point I'd be spammed and have my instagram story replies with slurrs, calling me a pdf. File??? (I was talking to someone 6 years older than me?) Weird references, calling me cringe (I know. I know, worst thing ever right.), picking on my hair, my eyes(strabismus), my clothing. So I folded. Told Karl I wouldn't be dealing with it anymore. I'd blocked them, and asked karl To ask Regina to ask her friends to stop contacting me, I was doing my finishing project in college (uk) to get into university and it was getting to point I couldn't focus. I told him what had been happening, that I didn't know what her problem was. But I am a adult woman and this was bizarre.
Now, that alone. I forgave and in time, forgot. She had allegedly appologized "for them" and didn't know any of that was happening and had no I'll intent and hoped we could still be friends. Okay, sure.
Weird semi important point: she confessed in a groupchat that she used to be a 'chav' I said " you do look like someone who'd have bullied me" Banter. She then posted on her Instagram story (Paraphrased by memory) "When someone says you look like someone who'd have bullied them- but your friend died" I can't remember, but it was along the lines of that kind of 'what the fuck does that even mean'
Upon a later night of drinking, regina was talking to Karl about the ex, Mike. I brang up the fact her ex boyfriend kept liking my photos and was following me Hoping to bond over the fact this guy was weird, common girly bonding
"You know he only follows you so he could make fun of you and how cringe your posts are". She laughs.
The group goes quiet and holy shit I'm embarrassed. I just internalise that and change the subject.
Later I repost a reel of a guy saying something vaugely corresponding to this convosation. Basic premise when someone tells you their friend talks shit about you, then obviously you ask "why do they do that to you" (I know childish but at this point I was starting to really dislike her. My friend had sent it to me, It was late.) When i say She launched, "if you've got a problem talk to me instead of being weird and I'd tell you I was so scared of Mike and he held such a power over me and I just let him chat shit" I'd love to just mention this is after the 2nd time she'd unblocked him to talk to him behind Karl's back. I put up with it. Karl is at this point family. And if this is who he loves. We have to love her too.
This is all important to the point I swear.
Anyway.
My partners (now ex) friend Frank (22) and us fell out. Unimportant to this story but he let me know, Regina and an old very close friend had a groupchat to say very unpleasant things about me in, despite this old friend I never stopped speaking well of. Hoping we'd find eachother again. He'd been scouted when we had fallen out. But respected me enough to tell me. Another confrontation where she is so misunderstood and I'm making a big deal out of nothing and she's never ever had a problem with me.
Okay. Talked to Karl again. He is shocked but takes her word. As I'd kinda expect. Its his girlfriend. He took her to London over my birthday, he didn't want to ruin it. So he gave it up.
Karl throughout this is withdrawing from us. When he's with us it's like the light is gone from his eyes. He's distracted, quiet, doesn't laugh as much. Often tries to slip out of meetups because he'll "only bring you guys down". He's constantly picking up his phone. Constantly messaging. Cancelling plans. He won't talk to us. We where all worried.
Karl few months later calls me for advice. Turns out she kept getting caught in lies about her ex and general behaviours. Ignoring him for days again, threatening to game quit if she doesn't get the attention she wants. It'd all gotten so tiring that he didn't have any attraction to her anymore. He had no sex drive. He dreaded seeing her. But had to constantly message her. He's been feeling like this for months. Karl didn't want to leave her just before her birthday, he felt it cruel. But then it was the anniversary coming up. He didn't want to be responsible. He'd tried gifts, trips, anything just to make her happy. No matter what he did he still felt like nothing was enough. I managed to talk him through. About threatening suicide if someone wants to leave, is indeed abuse. He wasn't himself. How we felt and how we where worried. He got choked up. Not realizing anyone cared. He asked if he should leave. I asked if he was happy. "I can't imagine not having her there." Okay no. Not what I asked. Eventually he confessed He'd never felt lower. I said. Can you see yourself marrying her? No. Infact he said the thourght freaked him out. I said. Well. Why are you with her. Eventually it got to a point He left her. She said she'd been thinking about it. Yay? No 12 hours later he calls me saying its all fixed. Its all okay. How He's a horrible person for doing this to her. How it's him that needs to change. How he will spend a long time making this up to her. You know. I'm a domestic abuse survivor. But I never realized how much hearing that killed abit of my sould. Trying to convince Karl that he's worth anything is like trying to convince a deaf non signing American Conservative that the gays aren't trying to make him gay too.
They do eventually a few months later split. She says she wants to breakup as he "doesn't love her the way she wants him to" he is hurt but says okay. She then obviously realizes hey, he isn't gonna start begging on his knees. You can only hurt someone so much. She then asks "breakup sex" directly after and to this day its our favourite quote. But he says no, she asks for one more night, he says no you just broke up with me? Leave? She complains about not being able to get to the train station. Now. Karl didn't have his licence till a few weeks later. So queue the weirdest car ride with his DAD you've ever heard of. She cried. Hugged him. Begged him to reconsider. Karl officially has realized how disconnected he's become. Nah.
Queue a weird amount of messages ranging between "I'm sorry baby" to "I CANT BELIEVE YOURE GIVING UP ON US" and sexually charged messages, After karl finally blocks her. She begins to call him from various different numbers. Tries to get with his friends. Fails. Still calls him crying for the next 6 months. In which these events happen.
Frank from before. Now it turns out. While we don't have full timeline but either weirdly around the time they broke up they got /very/ close. To the point despite Frank having a partner. She was begging him to sleep with her. But Being weird with it. One minute she wants him. Next she doesn't. Basically, she loves the idea that she could have him. But doesn't want to keep any of them. Frank had a girlfriend. Goddess of a lady. Daisy. Regina proceeded to pick on every little thing to Frank about daisy she could. Always. Physical appearance.
Then. Now I am simply not making this up. after Frank separates himself from this situation. Regina begins to harrass Daisy, With telling Daisy about how much Frank's missing out on not shagging her instead.
And making 6 different instagram accounts to harrass them, and this is where I come in further.
Regina now, after the hate group chooses some last straws she can pull to drag him back. She makes a fake account. Goes to message Frank. With the opener of gossip about me and my partners sex life. I talked to Regina less times than I can Count on one hand.
The main one I'm aware of is "Did you know my partner drinks my names piss" Which I'm not here to kink shame; but this does not happen unfortunately but i still find it beautiful of a statement.
I one day due to some more harassment and more attention than I'm used to.
Decide to private my instagram. It was only for 24 hours in full so I could change some settings and archive some things. Within 15. An account. David, requests to follow. Strange. Cause my account is shadow banned and cannot be shown to non followers. I click. Heavens foretold dear friends. Regina's new boo. Id like to clarify. 2 weeks before Karl was still getting snotty teary calls telling him she misses him. Karl's friends where sending screenshots of Regina trying it on with them then getting snotty when she was rightfully laughed at.
I ask "hi??"
"Hi me and my girlfriend just wanted to stalk how cringe your posts are" I wish I could have been funny and not caught off guard. And shamed them. Oh god. I wish I had. Basically I told him, the gym is waiting. She will chew you up. Idk what I did but I'm sorry. Godamn. Leave me be. And they said "It's not that deep lighten up" I am indeed embarrassed.
But they kept mentioning my workplace. I am a bartender, and one day she did come in with a man, they seems very loved up but then again. It certainly wasn't this guy. then said bad things about me infront of a coworker. It was a little satisfying seeing her face fall and hit the table from shame as I was carrying an ice bucket past her. She was already cut off at this point for her antics.
David's best friends memepage now follows me. But has been the first out of 5 accounts not to say anything. I'm sure they think I don't know. David claimed I was lying in my encounter. I do wonder if I could flip the table entirely.
but I also wonder if she's just very mentally unwell. But it's been 1.5 years of this and I'm just abit knackered and pissed off.
I'm 20 feeling like a highschooler. But I'm working for a bipolar diagnosis and I have ADHD, the paranoia. Is driving me up the wall man. Like this woman knows enough of my details and she's spread where I work. She's been to my house. She has clearly gotten multiple people involves historically and despite me trying to apologise, it makes no difference.
If I knew what the issue was, I'd gauge it. But it's not knowing and not being told. But it's reassuring it's not just me. With daisy, I'm wondering if this is historic. Might be vanity? She (used to?) Post alot of ...suggestive photography and always wears a lingerie corset and heavy makeup, filters. Nothing wrong with that of course but she's a very sexually orientated person, and given the contexts to that behaviour. I wonder if its to cover some in depth issues. But that's just a theory. Part of feels hey, if she needs men to tell her that I am ugly, cringe and worth nothing. Then she van have that. The other half makes me want vengeance for the boy, prove that I'm not whatever she'd been making me out to be and make her realize she needs to change. But that's. abit pathetic innit.
Anyway I doubt anyones made it this far and if you have. Thank you for reading my story and the weirdness of it. I hope it hasn't been too shit. Just needed to get it off my chest. And maybe if anyone has anything to say.
TLDR: my best friends ex has always had an issue despite my efforts. Getting various people to harrass and bully me, She tried to get with his friends, other guys we knew and harrassing us all. All while still crying she misses him. Her new bf thinks I'm lying and is joining in, his best friend now follows me too. My partner allegedly drinks my piss <3

Hey yall! 2025 bride here and trying to figure out whether it’s worth it to get a planner or not. Our venue requires a coordinator so we’ll definitely be getting one for that. I’ve inquired about pricing for a few of them and here’s the quotes I’ve gotten:
Coordinator 1: - Cost: $2600 - Includes coordinating and planning - has a giant team so I won’t have to hire extra people for when we have to do a ceremony/reception flip - gets a 50% off discount on the hotel block rate with some great hotels in our area - had a friend use her last year and highly recommended her. Really liked her when I talked to her and she’s the most affordable for both options - venue recommended her
Coordinator 2: - Costs: Day of coordination: $950 Wedding planning services: $3,200 Extra assistants (if needed): $150 per person - we went to high school together and have a lot of mutual friends so I know her pretty well. However, her and her sister just started their business this year and I am a little doubtful of their experience. They have done a few small scale events but I haven’t seen much of any wedding stuff on their socials. So for the price I don’t particularly know if it’s worth it or not
Coordinator 3: - Costs: Day or coordination: $1000 Wedding planning services: $3000 -comparable prices to the second coordinator but he has a lot of experience and the venue is familiar with him.
I guess my main question is, do I truly need a planner? I am trying to be wise with my budget and I’m not sure if it would easier to just use the first option to do both my planning and coordination, or just hire a day of coordinator. I feel like I’m pretty good with planning things, and typically enjoy doing so, but I do have adhd and can get overwhelmed at times. With that said, I’m leaning towards option 1 but I wanted to hear from others and their experience.
TYIA!!!!

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwra6064
Originally posted to relationship_advice
My twin sister (18F) and I (18F) took a genetic test, and we did not share any DNA. What should my next step be, when no one in the family is telling me why?
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Original Post: May 13, 2024
My twin and I are fraternal twins. Recently, we took a genetic test for fun, because we wanted to see what we shared and the differences between us. Since we still share genes, fraternal twins are like siblings genetically. My grandparents had suggested the tests and got them for us, so our parents didn’t know about it. But our results made no sense. My twin’s was coming up almost completely as Eastern European and Western European. Which makes sense, as most of my family are Croatian, German, or Austrian. So all of that would be accurate.
But mine wasn’t anything like that. It was almost completely Scandinavian, with some Russian and a couple of other places. Neither of which were on my twin’s result, she had a very small percentage of Scandinavian but that was it. And we had no matched DNA. Which clearly seemed impossible.
We were literally twins, we have to share DNA. My twin said they must have mixed my sample up with someone else. We ended up contacting the company, and my twin and I took a test again. It was the same result. Both my twin and I were really confused. We told our grandparents, and they just said that was interesting, and said nothing else.
My twin said we should tell our parents, and see if they had ever done a genetic test, or if any of our siblings had, and then we could see if somehow ours were still right. I mean, it kind of made sense I'd have Scandinavian, because I'm much taller than my mother, and quite a bit taller than my twin and I'm way better at football and handball than she is.
And I'm very blonde compared to the rest of my family, but I had thought it was the German. When we told our mother, they reacted almost the same way as my grandparents, but she seemed annoyed. And said that they're inaccurate anyway, and our grandparents shouldn't have told us to take one. And when we asked our father, he basically said nothing.
I'm confused. I know my twin thinks it's just a mistake, but I don't think so. We have to share DNA, about 50%. That's how twins and siblings work. Even though we're fraternal, we should still share quite a bit of DNA. But other explanations don't make sense.
My mother can't have cheated on my father, because my twin and I would still share DNA. Just less, because we would have different fathers. The results mean we can't share a parent, or even be related. But I don't see why my parents would adopt me if I'm not their child, when I don't think they've ever been to Scandinavia and why they'd adopt a baby that's almost exactly the same age as their baby. I'm panicking.
The person I'm closest with in the whole world, who I thought I even shared the womb with, might not even be related to me. My birthday might not even be real. None of this makes any sense, and no one is telling me the truth. I'm also scared my twin might tell her boyfriend about it, and then people might end up knowing that I'm some kind of fraud and my family isn't my family at all.
Edit: I called the clinic where my mother gave birth to all of my siblings. The day of my birthday, my mother is in the records but only for one birth. Not two, not twins. I don't know if it's an error, or my mother didn't give birth to me.
Relevant Comments
OOP on asking her extended family members for answers and ask her parents and grandparents

OOP: I don't think they want to tell me anything, they're all acting weirdly now, and I heard my mother yelling at people on the phone. I don't know what's going on, but there's no way they want to tell me what's going on.
I looked when my twin wasn't there, but I had no close ones, only very distant ones. Only people who are my eighth cousins and that sort of thing. So not very helpful.
She sounded a bit too polite for that sometimes. And sometimes at odd times of day, so I'm not sure it was always my grandparents. Probably my father too.

OOP on her mother’s records at the clinic and see if it was possible she was swapped at birth

OOP: Sadly, my mother has given birth every time in a private clinic that is very small, she prefers it. She thinks hospitals are disgusting and she prefers knowing the doctors. So while that is possible, and I'll look into getting parental DNA done, it would be very concerning if that had happened because at most, maybe three or four other woman would have given birth at a similar time as her. But possible, definitely.

OOP on getting her birth certificate from her parents, which might reveal more details on her background

OOP: I didn't think about my birth certificate. I'll ask them, but if they don't give it to me, then I'm sure it shouldn't be too difficult to find.

OOP on if her grandparents knew anything about her situation

OOP: Kind of, I did ask them why they suggested it, and my grandmother said that it doesn't matter. I said clearly it does if the results are right, but she just said she's doesn't know anything and to tell my mother that.
I don't know why they'd deliberately upset my parents with this, but I'm only assuming that they wanted me to know. But I don't know why, I think my grandmother thinks I should figure it out myself now I know, but I literally have no clue when no one will tell me anything at all.

 
Update: May 22, 2024
So, I'm adopted. Which was probably quite obvious as soon as I got the results, but I guess I was in denial.
My parents told me a couple of days ago, not much, but a bit. I know now that my mother was Danish, and my father's old girlfriend from when he was really young, which is seriously weird. I asked them a lot of questions, but I didn't get answers to all of them. I don't know who my father is, how my parents were able to adopt me and why, if she's even alive, nothing.
But thankfully I am actually legally adopted by them, which is a relief, since I was worried I might not be. And my birthday is actually my birthday, so they haven't been committing any weird fraud.
It's very weird. My sister has been acting weirdly, and my family as well. But in some ways, it's a relief. My parents still feel like my parents, and my siblings like my siblings. I know that technically they're not, but I don't feel too upset about it.
I'm just upset they lied, and also won't tell me everything. I don't know if they genuinely don't know, or don't want to talk about it, but at least I have an idea about everything now. I'm still not quite sure how I feel about it, but I'm glad I know about things now. Plus now I have a country that's actually good at football to support, which is nice.
Maybe some day I'll find out everything, maybe not. I could probably look her up, and find her if I wanted to, but I'm not sure if I do, if she's still alive. Although everything is different, it doesn't feel so bad, but it does at the same time. It's very weird.
But I have a family that loves me, so it could be much worse. I feel sad about my twin, since we're not actually related which feels really different and she's acting different as well, but I still love her a lot, and my parents as well. I think it will take some time to know how I really feel. In some ways I want to be mad at everyone and do stupid things, but that's only sometimes, and overall I feel okay so that's good. And eventually I think I'll be content with how everything is.
Relevant Comments
OOP on looking into her background to find her biological relatives especially birth parents

OOP: I didn't think of that. Maybe at some point I will, but right now I'm happy with my family and how things are and I don't really want to go through all of that right now.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

(My post got deleted from AITA, so I'm here) I think the title kinda says a lot but I'd just like to put out a few important details:

1. I'm a minor (still in high school)
2. I'm recovering from an ED and struggle with depression
3. I really care about school and want to succeed further in life.
4. This is sort of a throwaway account. I was planning to use it earlier but procrastinated until I'm here today.

Ok anyways, here's a quick overview of what happened. I have an older sister who's in college. She has a friend who recently had a baby boy. Now, my sister is close with this friend, if my memory serves me right, they met sometime in highschool. My sister is visiting my mom and me for the summer (parents are divorced if anyone's curious) and invited her friend and friend's boyfriend to come over so we can meet the baby.
My sister's friend said yes and was really happy to come over. She has known me since I was little and kinda views me as her younger sister. I don't really feel the same as we have a big age gap and the only distinct memories of her "bonding" with me were because of my sister inviting her over, or just trying to babysit for a few extra bucks.
Anyways, she wanted me to meet my new "nephew." So let me hold him and starting talking about stuff related to her joy with pregnancy, which I didn't mind until she started talking about some other experiences. She started telling me how she actually had another pregnancy before this which ended in a misscarriage. She then started telling me a lot of details about it.
Now, I don't mind when people vent, I think it's healthy to get something off of your chest, but I'm just really bad at comforting. My mom used to raise my sister and me to think that "feeling bad emotions = bad/weak/not real." She doesn't do that anymore, but I still have a habit of following her outdated parenting. My dad also vents to me about stuff related to his adult-life, which makes me feel uncomfortable, because we're in two different stages in our life, and he always made me feel like I was responsible for. So yeah, I'm not particularly good at comforting people when they're venting.
Anyways, as my sister's friend started to vent more to me, she asked what I would do in her situation. I thought she meant if I were exactly in her shoes right then and there, so I said I'd probably try my best and get help from friends since she wanted this baby. Sister's friend corrected me, and asked what I would do if I were in her situation right now. Like if I just found out I was pregnant in my own life currently, not her shoes.
In all honesty, I'm not very active in the ongoing abortion debate in America. I just somewhat know about each side's stands and I do tend to lean forwards the pro-choice side because of how even life-saving abortions are being banned.
When truly thinking about, I would probably get an abortion. I mean, I'm a minor, my mom is strict and has always told me and my sister she'd throw us out if we got pregnant (so there goes the person I'm reliant on and major support-system), I'm trying to focus on school (or was, it's summer, so I'm just focused on extra-curriculars and my summer-credit classes). I also attend a very academically school (stereotypical for gifted students) that my mom worked really hard to get me into, and with the amount of work we have to do, I'd probably have to dropout if I were pregnant thus ruining my mom's hardwork and a lot of future opportunities for me. I have to take meds for my medical issues so being pregnant would mean I'd have to go off of them and risk my mental health falling to a place where I want to dei again. I don't even want kids, and if I did I would want to have them in my 30's. A lot of pregnancies under 19 are also considered high-risk, so there's that. I'm not interested in dating any guys at this moment of my life, so there's already bad signs.
I kept it brief, and told her, "I wouldn't have been able to be as strong as her in that situation." I thought she'd be satisfied, but she kept pressing on, asking what that meant, and what would my reaction be, would I be happy, sad, mad? When I tried shrugging it off and simple 'I don't knows' and 'I don't really want to talk about this anymore' She just kept asking a lot of questions and pressuring me, so I gave up and just said "I wouldn't keep it." She then got really upset and said how could I kill her innocent baby and what is wrong with me. She started yelling at me saying how wrong I am and her baby didn't do anything.
My mom heard this and asked her and her company to leave. Then a few hours later, my mom told me how sister's friend was really hurt about what I said l and I should've been more sensitive because of her hormones and stuff. My sister was the opposite. She said her friend didn't have any business telling a minor they need to keep a baby and how messed up it was to ask a minor how'd they react if they were suddenly pregnant one day despite (somewhat) knowing my issues.
To keep it short because the post is already long, my sister and mom bickered a bit which ultimately ended with my mom thinking I was TA and my sister thinking I wasn't. I'm just conflicted about all of this now because on one hand my mom has been pregnant and probably knows what hormones do to you and what I said might've been really harmful, but my sister has been friends with this girl for years, so even her pointing out that she might've been wrong is shocking.
AITA/AITAH?

Excuse if this is a little messy. I hardly use reddit, and this entire situation is stressing me out to the point of shakiness and illness. On that not, onto the story.
So, for a bit of context, I am a very, very new adult. I just graduated high school, and I've never had the best relationship with my family besides my mom and brother. I was still very distant from my mom because of some slight neglect in the past. I don't blame her for it because she's a single mom and was working a very hard job.
Extra context, my mom had also been planning a California trip. She had changed the plans every other day. Me and my fiance couldn't keep up with it, especially because he had a work venture there.
The past few months, I had been going out with my boyfriend, now fiance ( we'll call Ax ). My mom had been pretty hard on me because of this. Saying how, "I'm not home enough," and, "I need to help with (this this and this)." So, I was already getting a little fed up. I just wanted an escape from the house which is honestly not a very healthy living space due to my fairly slobbish family. Everytime I would go home she would bombard me with stuff, which I never had to do before, so it made me want out more.
I'm just going to summarize the build up by saying, there were quite a few arguments and she never seemed to listen to me. I also have a super hard time communicating my feelings and confrontation so participating in an argument is a big deal.
Now we get to the big night. The last thing we "talked" about was the California trip and how Ax's parents won't let him go if we stay at her friend's house. She got upset and stormed off. Me and Ax were upset so we went to his birth mom's ( we'll call her Cat ) house to take a break. It didn't really help. I had gotten fed up with all of the arguing and bitterness from my mom. All of the snide comments to Ax. I texted her that I was moving out and wasn't going on the California trip. ( I was moving into Cat's house. )
Now should I have texted her? Probably not, but texting helps me form my thoughts into words. I express more clearly through text, and shut down on the phone and especially in person.
She calls and I freak out and hand the phone to Ax. Mistake number 2. A bit about Ax, he is very very protective of me, especially with some of the stuff I've told him about my family and my dad. He doesn't want me to go through the same thing again. He's also a big jokester but is autistic so he doesn't really get when not to do some of his joking tones and words. They also come off as very disrespectful sometimes and he was kind of tired of her. So my mom is angry.
She tells me to come home within 5 minutes. I very shaky get in the car and we head there. We get there and she takes the keys to the car and my phone. Tells me to come inside and talk alone. Now, I get where she's coming from, but I HATE feeling cornered. I need someone else there by my side or I just shut down. It socks and makes things a lot harder with this kind of stuff. Now the rest is a but of a blur but she gets aggressive. No physical violence, but she does get in my face. I back up and she starts acussing me of telling people I'm violent though I haven't. It blurs again and suddenly I'm packing my things and leaving. My brother (15) by my side sad to see me leave this way.
The night goes by and I hear nothing from her. The next day she texts. I don't remember many of the texts, but I do remember being stressed out and not replying to things often. I tell her I need some time.
Few days go by with few texts I answer and a couple calls I don't. Then we get to church just a few days after the big night and an argument over text starts. She acusses Ax of lying, stealing, and vandalizing her car. The "lying" was a joke he made about his origins that I took seriously at first, I am a very slow person, that he had not realized I took seriously until very very later on. On the stealing, he had not stolen from some of the places acussed, but we did have a separate incident that was true. However, he's done his best to make it up and has not done anything like it since. He got punished by me and his parents. She still thinks he should've gotten worse. He's especially tried to make it up to my mom because he had lost her full trust and she was very obvious about it and still hasn't forgiven him to this day. The vandalizing was him working on the car, but not fixing it fully, because, we'll, she took the car before he could.
I talked about getting my legal documents, the entire point I was texting her in the first place, she brought up Ax herself. I misunderstood her and thought she was wanting to keep them from me so threatened legal action. I won't go deep into this because I'm not a lawyer, but ultimately it was more a threat to get my stuff. She said that I could get my stuff from the garage. Remember when I told you that my family was slobish? Yeah, I have no clue where these documents are and the garage is stacked to the sealing so it's going to take me a bit. I don't want to, but it's the only way to get my documents.
I completely give up at this point. I already said I needed a bit of time, but she continued to text. When I didn't answer email me a mental health line. The only times I would talk to her was to get my stuff. She started making facebook posts warning about toxic relationships, and how losing loved ones without making peace is terrible. This continues for a bit then stopped a couple days ago. The last thing I got, just a few hours ago, was an email. I will be quoting it word for word but changing names blah blah, you know how privacy works.
"Hi, [deadname]! I hope everything is going well for you.
I just wanted to take some time to explain some things. I wanted to tell you these things in person because it really does matter. Reading something is far different from hearing how someone says it. Arguments and misunderstandings should always be fixed in person.
First and foremost, I love you. I would do anything within my power for you. I have always been there for you and I want to continue being there. It breaks my heart that you don't want anything to do with me. I've tried to make you feel loved and supported. I've been active in your interests and activities. I even played Minecraft for you... (Haha)
I wanted to talk to you privately because we will never be able to fix things between us if someone else is involved. And honestly, it's no one else's business. I've never physically or intentionally hurt you so there is no reason to be scared to spend time with me.
What I have tried to tell you through text, is that I did not blow up because you wanted to move out. My response was that we would talk when you got home. That was not blowing up and this is why it is important to communicate in person rather than via text. I wanted to know your plans and see if I could help or add some suggestions that might help. I blew up because of the disrespect. I was being treated like I was nothing and like I've done nothing for you. I tried to explain that I wasn't mad about you wanting to move out. I'm not sure why you thought I would be since we've been talking about it for 6 months.
I apologize to you for how I handled my thoughts and feelings about [Ax]. It shouldn't have been handled that way. I'm not mad that either of you made mistakes. I was mad at the lack of taking ownership of said mistakes. I was mad that I was lied to again when I called out those mistakes.
I just want us to work through this. I love you. I will always love you. I want to help you if and when I can. I always want to be a part of your life. I am hurt that you can so easily throw away our relationship because of one argument. I am hurt that you're acting like I've done something for you to be afraid of me.
My door is always open and I'm always just a phone call away.
Love, Mom"
It makes me feel like I'm in the wrong and I'm actually unsure if I'm being to harsh on her. AITH?
TLDR; I move in with my fiancé. Arguments with mom as she acusses us of things we didn't do besides one thing. Im tired and stressed so go almost no contact. I get an email from her making me rethink my position on the matter.
Edit 1 and 2: Updates to layout of the post.

I posted about this on my profile a while back, but my 16th birthday absolutely sucked. I’m mostly back online now, so I guess that’s good, but damn, I don’t feel happy anymore, and I don’t want to. I put on a fake smile each day.
I can’t really talk to anyone about it. There’s always this “oh, mental health awareness” movement but then when people try to talk about it, you get shoved away. The only reason they care is because it interferes with their lives. I need to clarify I’m not depressed or anything, I filled out screenings last week at my annual checkup, but it still sucks.
I’ve felt really sad lately though. I’m sad that all my friends get to experience their 16th birthday, a milestone birthday, normally, while mine went down the drain, and I will never have that experience or be this age again. I don’t wish malice on them of course, but I hope someone out there gets it. Christmas went a similar way, so now I’m dreading that too this year. Every time I seem to be happy, something always comes along and ruins it. I’m scared to relax and be happy, to the point I actually feel GOOD when I’m stressed out in some way.
My parents are acting like it was no big deal, and are trying to act all normal, especially my dad. I feel like a background character in the lives of others, like if I were to die tomorrow not much else would change. My dad can never accept he‘s wrong, he says that I cannot “outshine the master” with any form of criticism, and then they happen to wonder why I’m so distant from them and don’t trust them with anything. I don’t want to be around them, it’s literal poison yet all my needs are being met. It’s so loving but so toxic, and I have such a weak heart that is too loving and forgiving of other people. I feel so dirty when they try to give me a hug or high five, like I’m laying in a pile of mud.
I’m not being abused physically, but damn I’m tired. I made a plan previously to travel around Christmas and my birthday in the future to make up for it, but I‘m never getting that time back, so there’s no point. I’d only be doing it to remind myself of my past sadness anyway. And I don’t know how I’m going to be able to afford to move out when I’m 18 given current trends. My own parents have said such horrible things to me that I can’t just move on from, saying that I’m a monster who leeches off other people, and that I am not welcome at their funerals. The only reason they want me to be successful is so that if they die early, I can take custody of my little sister. And then they boast about how they are so much better than their parents because they don’t resort to physical beatings. Granted, I’ve said horrible things too, but I was either a little kid or had horrible things said to me first.
On the subject of that, I hate the thought of my birthday so much now. The thought of someone making me a cake or saying Happy Birthday to me makes me cringe back to the prehistoric era. I’m absolutely dreading my 17th birthday, and I just simply wish there was a button to skip that entire week. I wish my family, my friends, and society collectively forgot about my birthday. I’m even contemplating deleting all my birthday and Christmas photos from the past, so I don’t have to look at them.
I love coding and making things, but even that just feels depressing now. I can’t really make anything as that’s not allowed too much after how my 16th birthday went, so I just don’t want to make or even think of anything at all. And when I do get the chance, I just feel like shutting it down and going to bed.
I just want to feel loved unconditionally. I just want to be able to embrace someone in a warm long hug, cry in front of them, and not have it be used against me down the road. I don’t want therapy (imo it’s thousands of dollars for a talk buddy who nods their head and gives generic bs) but I just want to be able to trust someone with my deepest thoughts. But everyone I’ve ever trusted either betrayed me, abandoned me, or used it as ammo in an argument.
I recently reconnected with my old best friend from childhood after nine months after he betrayed me for a girl, and it just doesn’t feel the same. It feels amazing, yes, but it’s like something is missing.
I’m just simply tired and don’t even know what to say anymore. I have so much to say but not the words to do it. I see this as the start of a new life, one I’m not seeking to alter in any way. I’m not looking for input or commentary, but I’ll go clinically insane and perhaps take my stress out on others if I don’t channel it somewhere.

Just a random thought.
Its easier to force your self to do something everyday as a routine, than to try and not do something or restrict yourself. I guess its the way we are no?
Its easy to tell yourself to chug down a certain amount of water everyday, its 'easier' to force yourself to spend some time in the gym. Its 'easier' to get yourself to sit down and study.
What's difficult is to tell yourself not to do something which supposedly brings your body the pleasure or happiness it thinks it wants in the moment.
Its like not allowing yourself to watch youtube, or eat chocolate or just be happy. I mean why wouldn't you let yourself do that.
I think the way we approach not touching ourselves and accompanying that with watching other people touch themselves should change.
Perhaps we shouldn't look at it from a perspective of "I shouldn't do this", rather I'm going to do these 10 different other things than touch myself cuz I'm a cool person and these things are beneath me.
We should imagine ourselves a little elite. In our heads atleast we must look down on the entire concept of this action the way rich people who fly in first class or private jets look down on economy. There's a certain amount of class as muslims we must maintain when it comes to these actions. The way we view ourselves must change regardless of our present circumstances. As we try to climb out of the ditch we fell into, we need to keep believing we will get ourselves out, and that there is no otherway than OUT! We mustn't entertain the thought of failure even though we are prone to it.
Like no one builds a house thinking it will cave in one day due to whatever reasons. You build it thinking that it will shelter you and you will be happy. And even if one day it does cave in, you say Allah Malik.
So even if we fail we mustn't stop hoping and believing. You will get out one day. Its quite near! Allah knows it, that's why he's kept you alive. He wants you to work towards seeing that day.
I want you to know that everyday that you wake up is proof that you actually are going to end up beating this demon. There's enough people saying how difficult and harrowing this is.
This sin is grave in its effects on us. But let's change it up. Let's believe that this is easy. Let's believe that as Muslims with class we are above this indecent act and that this is trivial and there are much more important things for you to tend to.
This is the way I look at it and I think we should adopt this internal mental high ground.
Brother's and sisters we will do it. Allah has given us a chance once again to prove him right. Dont worry about letting him down, just dont let yourselves down, and you will end up not letting him down.
I pray for all of you! May Allah show you the good days he has written for you!

Please don’t judge me - everything you’re thinking about me after you read this, I have already thought about myself and worse. I have 2 kids (daughter 2yo and son 2months). I birthed our daughter and my wife birthed our son and we conceived both through IVF so obviously these kids were extremely wanted. The kids we birthed are our biological children. We didn’t do RIVF. My problem is that I don’t love my son as much as my daughter. I don’t think I really love him at all. I don’t want to take care of him or spend time with him. I just want to be with my daughter. She’s my little best friend and I absolutely love spending time with her. When I’m not with her, I’m thinking of ways to make her life better. I don’t feel this for my son, which is awful because he’s such a happy sweet baby. I just feel like his step parent, not his mother.
I was so worried about not bonding with him and now it feels like it’s turned out even worse. I even told my parents while my wife was pregnant that we wouldn’t accept them showing favouritism towards my daughter over my son and here I am, feeling and acting that way.
Sometimes I wish we just could raise them separately and I could have my daughter and my wife take care of the baby. I know how awful this sounds and I feel honestly like the worst person in the world. But to make it more confusing, my wife admitted that she doesn’t love our daughter as much as our son. She told me that her bond with our son will always be stronger than our daughter. This makes me feel less crappy but still awful just the same.
Maybe it’s the genetics thing or the fact that I didn’t carry and birth him? I don’t know if maybe I’m acting out of resentment because my wife has never been close with our daughter (wouldn’t do anything with her, wouldn’t do nappies or night bottles, has never gone out with her alone) so I’m subconsciously returning the favour? My wife doesn’t like spending time with our daughter even now; she constantly chastises her and complains about her behaviour. My wife is always asking if family can take our daughter for sleepovers because she ‘wants a break’ from her.
I also think maybe I feel this way because I’ve given everything to our daughter and I don’t have anything left for the baby ?
My wife is struggling with PPD and insomnia so I tend to be solo parenting a lot of the time but I understand how she’s struggling because I have been postpartum myself. I don’t know what I’m expecting out of writing this except maybe to be able to tell someone how I’m feeling and not left it fester.

{ "DTVO_C036": {

"195_Dialogue": "10 seconds left.", "199_Dialogue": "A disgusting display awaits us.", "111_Dialogue": "A machine and raw chaos can be such a potent combination.", "181_Dialogue": "ACME can't save you now.", "1_Dialogue": "Ah. I've been waiting for you.", "189_Dialogue": "All that strength. So little intelligence.", "127_Dialogue": "All these pathetic faces in their little boxes.", "138_Dialogue": "Am I supposed to dance for you?", "98_Dialogue": "And here I hoped you would move the needle. Disappointing.", "15_Dialogue": "And so Destiny leads me here.", "35_Dialogue": "And so the age of the machine begins.", "108_Dialogue": "And the merry melodies grind to an ignominious halt.", "19_Dialogue": "And this is all they send? Pathetic.", "96_Dialogue": "And this is the best humanity can manage.", "133_Dialogue": "And what pathetic foe am I fighting today?", "8_Dialogue": "And who would you have me crush?", "139_Dialogue": "Another battery, burning the minutes til its depletion.", "190_Dialogue": "Another pathetic flying man.", "60_Dialogue": "Brainiac was right about you.", "80_Dialogue": "Bugs in my system don't last long.", "25_Dialogue": "Bugs. Bunny. We meet again.", "7_Dialogue": "Call the shots while you can, human.", "198_Dialogue": "Choose your character.", "67_Dialogue": "Come on now. Where's the challenge?", "71_Dialogue": "Control your anger now.", "179_Dialogue": "Die, rabbit.", "65_Dialogue": "Do I detect your palms sweating? Pulse quickening?", "23_Dialogue": "Do I detect... bugs in the system?", "162_Dialogue": "Do you celebrate these Holidays? If so... I hope they're adequate.", "13_Dialogue": "Do you hear the wheels of fate beginning to turn?", "34_Dialogue": "Don't be scared. Jason will end it quickly.", "66_Dialogue": "Don't give up yet.", "126_Dialogue": "Don't waste my time.", "152_Dialogue": "Early, for a human.", "14_Dialogue": "Ever feel like you're in a simulation..?", "49_Dialogue": "Far greater than you have tried.", 

"187_Dialogue": "First time destroying a Kryptonian.",

"119_Dialogue": "Flesh and blood, crushed by superior machines.", "129_Dialogue": "Get that cursor out of my face.", "157_Dialogue": "Getting in some afternoon matches, are we?", "147_Dialogue": "Give a human the right incentive and they'll walk barefoot through hell.", "166_Dialogue": "Happy birthday. May you have many more before you die.", "188_Dialogue": "Hardly the best I've fought.", "155_Dialogue": "Has your day been productive so far?", "167_Dialogue": "Hold still.", "68_Dialogue": "Hope you're not holding back on my account.", "145_Dialogue": "How organics think they could ever stand against the Nothing is beyond my understanding.", "69_Dialogue": "Humanity and its little games...", "134_Dialogue": "Humanity has fallen so far they need REINDOG to save them. Feh.", "118_Dialogue": "Humanity never stood a chance.", "191_Dialogue": "Humans and their plumage. Pathetic.", "100_Dialogue": "Humans. All the same.", "86_Dialogue": "I admire a silent human.", "28_Dialogue": "I always appreciate a good chaos factor.", "39_Dialogue": "I am inevitable.", "47_Dialogue": "I am not so easily deleted.", "64_Dialogue": "I am the cliffs of your demise.", "173_Dialogue": "I can predict your every move.", "137_Dialogue": "I don't understand Superman. So superior, yet chooses to live among disgusting humans.", "79_Dialogue": "I have plenty of history killing bugs.", "160_Dialogue": "I love watching the way humans behave in the evening. The way they scurry to the light, desperate not to be alone.", "101_Dialogue": "I never had a doubt in my mind.", "184_Dialogue": "I see right through you, Batman.", "172_Dialogue": "I see right through you.", "97_Dialogue": "I should've known this would be no challenge.", "192_Dialogue": "I suppose that looks nice. For a human.", "175_Dialogue": "I will crush you.", "51_Dialogue": "I'll bury you in that hole, rabbit.", "185_Dialogue": "I'll finish what the Joker never could.", "103_Dialogue": "I'll give you this, that was almost fun.", "109_Dialogue": "I'll leave some carrots on your grave.", "169_Dialogue": "I'll make this quick.", "58_Dialogue": "I'll peel back that bat suit and reveal you for the slime you are.", "182_Dialogue": "I'll rip those ears right off you.", 

"48_Dialogue": "I'll stand on your grave before this is through.",

"41_Dialogue": "I'm afraid that's not my ending yet.", "16_Dialogue": "I'm afraid this is the end for you.", "20_Dialogue": "I've been preparing for this.", "10_Dialogue": "I've been waiting to cut loose.", "3_Dialogue": "I've got all the time in the world.", "135_Dialogue": "If Joker asks, you didn't see me.", "142_Dialogue": "If it isn't our... fearless leader.", "5_Dialogue": "If you think you can handle it.", "83_Dialogue": "Impressive body count. For a human.", "154_Dialogue": "Is this what you humans call a Good Morning?", "22_Dialogue": "It all starts all over again.", "165_Dialogue": "It seems it's your birthday yet again. Human lives go so quickly.", "18_Dialogue": "It seems the whole Multiverse reeks of humanity.", "27_Dialogue": "It seems we're allies for now, clown.", "205_Dialogue": "It seems you managed to win. Incredible.", "197_Dialogue": "It starts in one minute.", "99_Dialogue": "It's my own fault for thinking you'd be different.", "131_Dialogue": "Just another simulation.", "6_Dialogue": "Just as it was foretold.", "4_Dialogue": "Just call me Smith.", "112_Dialogue": "Just remember who's really in charge, Joker.", "81_Dialogue": "Keep those ears to the ground so I can nail them there.", "59_Dialogue": "Kryptonians... just humanity in a fancier cape.", "33_Dialogue": "Let's see what that blade can do.", "37_Dialogue": "Let's show these meatsacks the future.", "164_Dialogue": "Look at that. Another anniversary of your birth in your short, tiny, life.", "158_Dialogue": "Luckily, nighttime is no different to me than daytime.", "124_Dialogue": "Make it fast.", "36_Dialogue": "March on, my mechanical friend.", "201_Dialogue": "Match point, Blue.", "202_Dialogue": "Match point, Red.", "136_Dialogue": "My next chapter is only beginning.", "30_Dialogue": "Never saw myself teamed up with a clown.", "94_Dialogue": "Never send a man to do a machine's job.", "194_Dialogue": "No go on. Spend more. Spend it all. Can't take it with you.", "150_Dialogue": "No, absolutely keep clicking. I'm not getting annoyed or impatient or anything.", "115_Dialogue": "Not bad for a brute in a hockey mask.", "43_Dialogue": "Now I'm just getting... angry.", "50_Dialogue": "Now that WAS foolish.", "149_Dialogue": "Oh I see you're not dead yet. Always hard to tell how close a human is to death unless you're the one holding their throat.", "11_Dialogue": "Oh I think I'm going to enjoy this.", "196_Dialogue": "Only 30 seconds to go.", "203_Dialogue": "Only one minute left.", "121_Dialogue": "Organics will never beat the machines. We. Are. Inevitable.", "110_Dialogue": "Our alliance continues, for now...", "168_Dialogue": "Pathetic.", "146_Dialogue": "Poking and prodding, desperate for your dopamine. Tell me... is it working?", "144_Dialogue": "Reindog is tampering with forces his fuzzy head cannot hope to comprehend. You can tell him I said so.", "151_Dialogue": "Reindog's little plan can't save you. It's only delaying the inevitable.", "70_Dialogue": "Seems like someone needs to touch grass.", "106_Dialogue": "Should have never left your burrow.", "92_Dialogue": "Show these humans the true power of machines.", "113_Dialogue": "Side by side with a clown. Isn't life strange.", "17_Dialogue": "So it begins.", "123_Dialogue": "Speak quickly.", "120_Dialogue": "Stick with me, Giant. I've got big, big plans for you...", "105_Dialogue": "Still just a human. Shame.", "170_Dialogue": "Still nothing but an organic.", "84_Dialogue": "Stop that laughing before I rethink our alliance.", "73_Dialogue": "Such a pathetic response to music.", "114_Dialogue": "Such brutal efficiency. Shame about the human thing.", "141_Dialogue": "Sure. Let's do some small talk.", "186_Dialogue": "THIS is who the Joker was talking about?", "159_Dialogue": "Tell me... Did you finish everything you wanted to do today?", "143_Dialogue": "That Iron Giant might be stupid, but if I can keep him on my side he could be a valuable ally yet...", "2_Dialogue": "That is an interesting choice.", "45_Dialogue": "That will only end in pain for you.", "102_Dialogue": "That's all? Pity.", "161_Dialogue": "The Holiday Season is on us again. Disgusting.", "88_Dialogue": "The hockey mask is a nice touch.", "180_Dialogue": "The rabbit is mine.", "24_Dialogue": "The rabbit must be eliminated.", "148_Dialogue": "The third number of your IP address is a 7, isn't it..?", "156_Dialogue": "There is still much time left in the day. Time left to work.", "116_Dialogue": "They were warned... and they were doomed.", "178_Dialogue": "This ends... Now.", "128_Dialogue": "This had better be good.", "130_Dialogue": "This prison won't hold me for long.", "177_Dialogue": "This time... stay down.", "40_Dialogue": "This was only my beginning.", "176_Dialogue": "This won't end well for you.", "42_Dialogue": "Thought you'd finished with me?", "46_Dialogue": "Time to change strategies.", "26_Dialogue": "Time to die, Mr. Bunny.", "53_Dialogue": "Time to squash some Bugs.", "63_Dialogue": "We all play the hand we're dealt. Mine is just better.", "9_Dialogue": "We'll see who is controlling who.", "44_Dialogue": "What a terrible path you've chosen for yourself.", "91_Dialogue": "Where I'm from you would be worshipped like a vengeful angel.", "183_Dialogue": "Where are your Gadgets now?", "90_Dialogue": "Why do you hide your most beautiful, destructive form?", "174_Dialogue": "Why keep trying?", "193_Dialogue": "Yes, enjoy the dopamine hits where you can.", "54_Dialogue": "You and your toys are due for a reckoning.", "93_Dialogue": "You are a beautiful machine.", "95_Dialogue": "You aren't even a footnote in my history.", "61_Dialogue": "You could have been anything, and you settled for human.", "29_Dialogue": "You don't control me, Joker.", "132_Dialogue": "You have my attention. Don't squander it.", "38_Dialogue": "You have my permission - my urging - to open fire.", "204_Dialogue": "You lost. Pathetic.", "104_Dialogue": "You put up a better fight than most. Barely.", "56_Dialogue": "You think your money will protect you from me?", "171_Dialogue": "You won't see this coming.", "85_Dialogue": "You'll find I'm a bit lacking in the humor department.", "52_Dialogue": "You'll pay for that mistake, you long-eared freak.", "153_Dialogue": "You're awake rather early.", "82_Dialogue": "You're only calling the shots because I will it, Joker.", "55_Dialogue": "Your arrogance will be your undoing, Mr. Wayne.", "87_Dialogue": "Your lack of humanity places you above them.", "200_Dialogue": "Your time is through.", "78_Dialogue": "[disgust] So you're who's keeping ACME in business.", "77_Dialogue": "[insane laugh]", "76_Dialogue": "[mocking laugh]", "75_Dialogue": "[quiet chuckle]", "125_Dialogue": "[sarcastic] No, no, I've got all the time in the world.", "122_Dialogue": "[sniff] Yes, I smelled you coming.", "12_Dialogue": "[sniffs] Disgusting.", "62_Dialogue": "[threat] Are the Kents as strong as you, Kryptonian?" 

} }

{ "DTVO_C036": {

"195_Dialogue": "10 seconds left.", "199_Dialogue": "A disgusting display awaits us.", "111_Dialogue": "A machine and raw chaos can be such a potent combination.", "181_Dialogue": "ACME can't save you now.", "1_Dialogue": "Ah. I've been waiting for you.", "189_Dialogue": "All that strength. So little intelligence.", "127_Dialogue": "All these pathetic faces in their little boxes.", "138_Dialogue": "Am I supposed to dance for you?", "98_Dialogue": "And here I hoped you would move the needle. Disappointing.", "15_Dialogue": "And so Destiny leads me here.", "35_Dialogue": "And so the age of the machine begins.", "108_Dialogue": "And the merry melodies grind to an ignominious halt.", "19_Dialogue": "And this is all they send? Pathetic.", "96_Dialogue": "And this is the best humanity can manage.", "133_Dialogue": "And what pathetic foe am I fighting today?", "8_Dialogue": "And who would you have me crush?", "139_Dialogue": "Another battery, burning the minutes til its depletion.", "190_Dialogue": "Another pathetic flying man.", "60_Dialogue": "Brainiac was right about you.", "80_Dialogue": "Bugs in my system don't last long.", "25_Dialogue": "Bugs. Bunny. We meet again.", "7_Dialogue": "Call the shots while you can, human.", "198_Dialogue": "Choose your character.", "67_Dialogue": "Come on now. Where's the challenge?", "71_Dialogue": "Control your anger now.", "179_Dialogue": "Die, rabbit.", "65_Dialogue": "Do I detect your palms sweating? Pulse quickening?", "23_Dialogue": "Do I detect... bugs in the system?", "162_Dialogue": "Do you celebrate these Holidays? If so... I hope they're adequate.", "13_Dialogue": "Do you hear the wheels of fate beginning to turn?", "34_Dialogue": "Don't be scared. Jason will end it quickly.", "66_Dialogue": "Don't give up yet.", "126_Dialogue": "Don't waste my time.", "152_Dialogue": "Early, for a human.", "14_Dialogue": "Ever feel like you're in a simulation..?", "49_Dialogue": "Far greater than you have tried.", 

"187_Dialogue": "First time destroying a Kryptonian.",

"119_Dialogue": "Flesh and blood, crushed by superior machines.", "129_Dialogue": "Get that cursor out of my face.", "157_Dialogue": "Getting in some afternoon matches, are we?", "147_Dialogue": "Give a human the right incentive and they'll walk barefoot through hell.", "166_Dialogue": "Happy birthday. May you have many more before you die.", "188_Dialogue": "Hardly the best I've fought.", "155_Dialogue": "Has your day been productive so far?", "167_Dialogue": "Hold still.", "68_Dialogue": "Hope you're not holding back on my account.", "145_Dialogue": "How organics think they could ever stand against the Nothing is beyond my understanding.", "69_Dialogue": "Humanity and its little games...", "134_Dialogue": "Humanity has fallen so far they need REINDOG to save them. Feh.", "118_Dialogue": "Humanity never stood a chance.", "191_Dialogue": "Humans and their plumage. Pathetic.", "100_Dialogue": "Humans. All the same.", "86_Dialogue": "I admire a silent human.", "28_Dialogue": "I always appreciate a good chaos factor.", "39_Dialogue": "I am inevitable.", "47_Dialogue": "I am not so easily deleted.", "64_Dialogue": "I am the cliffs of your demise.", "173_Dialogue": "I can predict your every move.", "137_Dialogue": "I don't understand Superman. So superior, yet chooses to live among disgusting humans.", "79_Dialogue": "I have plenty of history killing bugs.", "160_Dialogue": "I love watching the way humans behave in the evening. The way they scurry to the light, desperate not to be alone.", "101_Dialogue": "I never had a doubt in my mind.", "184_Dialogue": "I see right through you, Batman.", "172_Dialogue": "I see right through you.", "97_Dialogue": "I should've known this would be no challenge.", "192_Dialogue": "I suppose that looks nice. For a human.", "175_Dialogue": "I will crush you.", "51_Dialogue": "I'll bury you in that hole, rabbit.", "185_Dialogue": "I'll finish what the Joker never could.", "103_Dialogue": "I'll give you this, that was almost fun.", "109_Dialogue": "I'll leave some carrots on your grave.", "169_Dialogue": "I'll make this quick.", "58_Dialogue": "I'll peel back that bat suit and reveal you for the slime you are.", "182_Dialogue": "I'll rip those ears right off you.", 

"48_Dialogue": "I'll stand on your grave before this is through.",

"41_Dialogue": "I'm afraid that's not my ending yet.", "16_Dialogue": "I'm afraid this is the end for you.", "20_Dialogue": "I've been preparing for this.", "10_Dialogue": "I've been waiting to cut loose.", "3_Dialogue": "I've got all the time in the world.", "135_Dialogue": "If Joker asks, you didn't see me.", "142_Dialogue": "If it isn't our... fearless leader.", "5_Dialogue": "If you think you can handle it.", "83_Dialogue": "Impressive body count. For a human.", "154_Dialogue": "Is this what you humans call a Good Morning?", "22_Dialogue": "It all starts all over again.", "165_Dialogue": "It seems it's your birthday yet again. Human lives go so quickly.", "18_Dialogue": "It seems the whole Multiverse reeks of humanity.", "27_Dialogue": "It seems we're allies for now, clown.", "205_Dialogue": "It seems you managed to win. Incredible.", "197_Dialogue": "It starts in one minute.", "99_Dialogue": "It's my own fault for thinking you'd be different.", "131_Dialogue": "Just another simulation.", "6_Dialogue": "Just as it was foretold.", "4_Dialogue": "Just call me Smith.", "112_Dialogue": "Just remember who's really in charge, Joker.", "81_Dialogue": "Keep those ears to the ground so I can nail them there.", "59_Dialogue": "Kryptonians... just humanity in a fancier cape.", "33_Dialogue": "Let's see what that blade can do.", "37_Dialogue": "Let's show these meatsacks the future.", "164_Dialogue": "Look at that. Another anniversary of your birth in your short, tiny, life.", "158_Dialogue": "Luckily, nighttime is no different to me than daytime.", "124_Dialogue": "Make it fast.", "36_Dialogue": "March on, my mechanical friend.", "201_Dialogue": "Match point, Blue.", "202_Dialogue": "Match point, Red.", "136_Dialogue": "My next chapter is only beginning.", "30_Dialogue": "Never saw myself teamed up with a clown.", "94_Dialogue": "Never send a man to do a machine's job.", "194_Dialogue": "No go on. Spend more. Spend it all. Can't take it with you.", "150_Dialogue": "No, absolutely keep clicking. I'm not getting annoyed or impatient or anything.", "115_Dialogue": "Not bad for a brute in a hockey mask.", "43_Dialogue": "Now I'm just getting... angry.", "50_Dialogue": "Now that WAS foolish.", "149_Dialogue": "Oh I see you're not dead yet. Always hard to tell how close a human is to death unless you're the one holding their throat.", "11_Dialogue": "Oh I think I'm going to enjoy this.", "196_Dialogue": "Only 30 seconds to go.", "203_Dialogue": "Only one minute left.", "121_Dialogue": "Organics will never beat the machines. We. Are. Inevitable.", "110_Dialogue": "Our alliance continues, for now...", "168_Dialogue": "Pathetic.", "146_Dialogue": "Poking and prodding, desperate for your dopamine. Tell me... is it working?", "144_Dialogue": "Reindog is tampering with forces his fuzzy head cannot hope to comprehend. You can tell him I said so.", "151_Dialogue": "Reindog's little plan can't save you. It's only delaying the inevitable.", "70_Dialogue": "Seems like someone needs to touch grass.", "106_Dialogue": "Should have never left your burrow.", "92_Dialogue": "Show these humans the true power of machines.", "113_Dialogue": "Side by side with a clown. Isn't life strange.", "17_Dialogue": "So it begins.", "123_Dialogue": "Speak quickly.", "120_Dialogue": "Stick with me, Giant. I've got big, big plans for you...", "105_Dialogue": "Still just a human. Shame.", "170_Dialogue": "Still nothing but an organic.", "84_Dialogue": "Stop that laughing before I rethink our alliance.", "73_Dialogue": "Such a pathetic response to music.", "114_Dialogue": "Such brutal efficiency. Shame about the human thing.", "141_Dialogue": "Sure. Let's do some small talk.", "186_Dialogue": "THIS is who the Joker was talking about?", "159_Dialogue": "Tell me... Did you finish everything you wanted to do today?", "143_Dialogue": "That Iron Giant might be stupid, but if I can keep him on my side he could be a valuable ally yet...", "2_Dialogue": "That is an interesting choice.", "45_Dialogue": "That will only end in pain for you.", "102_Dialogue": "That's all? Pity.", "161_Dialogue": "The Holiday Season is on us again. Disgusting.", "88_Dialogue": "The hockey mask is a nice touch.", "180_Dialogue": "The rabbit is mine.", "24_Dialogue": "The rabbit must be eliminated.", "148_Dialogue": "The third number of your IP address is a 7, isn't it..?", "156_Dialogue": "There is still much time left in the day. Time left to work.", "116_Dialogue": "They were warned... and they were doomed.", "178_Dialogue": "This ends... Now.", "128_Dialogue": "This had better be good.", "130_Dialogue": "This prison won't hold me for long.", "177_Dialogue": "This time... stay down.", "40_Dialogue": "This was only my beginning.", "176_Dialogue": "This won't end well for you.", "42_Dialogue": "Thought you'd finished with me?", "46_Dialogue": "Time to change strategies.", "26_Dialogue": "Time to die, Mr. Bunny.", "53_Dialogue": "Time to squash some Bugs.", "63_Dialogue": "We all play the hand we're dealt. Mine is just better.", "9_Dialogue": "We'll see who is controlling who.", "44_Dialogue": "What a terrible path you've chosen for yourself.", "91_Dialogue": "Where I'm from you would be worshipped like a vengeful angel.", "183_Dialogue": "Where are your Gadgets now?", "90_Dialogue": "Why do you hide your most beautiful, destructive form?", "174_Dialogue": "Why keep trying?", "193_Dialogue": "Yes, enjoy the dopamine hits where you can.", "54_Dialogue": "You and your toys are due for a reckoning.", "93_Dialogue": "You are a beautiful machine.", "95_Dialogue": "You aren't even a footnote in my history.", "61_Dialogue": "You could have been anything, and you settled for human.", "29_Dialogue": "You don't control me, Joker.", "132_Dialogue": "You have my attention. Don't squander it.", "38_Dialogue": "You have my permission - my urging - to open fire.", "204_Dialogue": "You lost. Pathetic.", "104_Dialogue": "You put up a better fight than most. Barely.", "56_Dialogue": "You think your money will protect you from me?", "171_Dialogue": "You won't see this coming.", "85_Dialogue": "You'll find I'm a bit lacking in the humor department.", "52_Dialogue": "You'll pay for that mistake, you long-eared freak.", "153_Dialogue": "You're awake rather early.", "82_Dialogue": "You're only calling the shots because I will it, Joker.", "55_Dialogue": "Your arrogance will be your undoing, Mr. Wayne.", "87_Dialogue": "Your lack of humanity places you above them.", "200_Dialogue": "Your time is through.", "78_Dialogue": "[disgust] So you're who's keeping ACME in business.", "77_Dialogue": "[insane laugh]", "76_Dialogue": "[mocking laugh]", "75_Dialogue": "[quiet chuckle]", "125_Dialogue": "[sarcastic] No, no, I've got all the time in the world.", "122_Dialogue": "[sniff] Yes, I smelled you coming.", "12_Dialogue": "[sniffs] Disgusting.", "62_Dialogue": "[threat] Are the Kents as strong as you, Kryptonian?" 

} }

Below is a list of some recent releases that are highly rated and some that will be released in June for your perusal. If you know of any other upcoming releases please post them in the comments!

RECENT RELEASES

The Burning Witch 3: A Humorous Romantic Fantasy by Delemhach

Lady Katarina Ashowan is used to getting into trouble, but her latest muddle takes the cake. A moment’s weakness in her attraction to Eric Reyes, crown prince of Daxaria, has landed her in an unexpected marriage with the man . . . just as her father, Lord Finlay Ashowan, arrives in Troivack to check on his headstrong daughter. As if figuring out how to acclimate her father to her scandalous elopement isn’t bad enough, there are rumors of dangerous magical plots afoot at court—with Kat seemingly at the center of them all.
For one thing, the devil is still prowling around, with dubious intentions as to Kat’s powers. For another, an underground network of wrongdoers has been spreading a mysterious and addictive drug throughout both Troivack and Daxaria. And perhaps most concerning, a villainess is hiding in plain sight somewhere close to Kat and her best friend, Queen Alina, hoping to use them to strike at the devil. Now it’s up to Kat—with the help of her kitten familiar, Pina, as well as her friends and family—to untangle the twisted web of courtly and magical intrigue before her hurried honeymoon is cut short by deadly disaster . . .

The Runaway Mate: A Rejected Mate Shifter Romance (Shifters of the Three Rivers) By Kira Nightingale

After what he did, I never wanted to see my fated mate again…
Mai: Four years ago, Ryan Shaw broke my heart, tore it into little pieces and then stomped on it. Ryan is my fated mate, but when I saw him with another woman at the regional meet of all the Packs, I’d had enough. I finally told him what he meant to me, and being the jerk that he is, he rejected me in front of everyone.
Heartbroken, I ran, trying to get as far away from him and the memory of that night as possible. Except I’m on a roll with picking jerks. So now I’m on the run again and heading back to the one place I know I’ll be safe. My brilliant plan is to lie low, heal, and then take off someplace new to start again. But Ryan knows I’m here now, and he has very different ideas.
Ryan: Mai is back, and my wolf is going crazy. I’ll do anything to protect her. It won’t be easy with secret plots to take over our Pack, her abusive ex sniffing around, and Mai’s urge to run every time she sees me. But there’s no way I’m letting her go, not again.

Fastlander Fallen by T.S. Joyce

Ace has one last promise to fulfill.
His father has asked him to try to join one of the Crews of Damon’s Mountains. When the new Fastlander Crew starts accepting applicants, Ace puts his name in the hat on a whim. Will the new Alpha ever allow him to be a part of his Crew? Not if he finds out who he really is. Ace has been hiding a secret about his lineage since he was a child, and now the Fastlanders are getting way too close for comfort. And to add to the pressure, there’s a human coordinating the Crew’s interview process that has his animal’s attention. At first he thinks his animal is hunting her, but the more he gets to know her, the more he realizes she is important. Corey Gable just might be the glue of the Fastlanders, and she doesn’t even realize her part in the destiny of this Crew. The problem? It’s twofold. One, he cannot under any circumstances bond to a human, and two? His life is in a free fall, and he cannot drag her into what is about to happen. If she wants to live, she’s got to stay human, and stay away from the Fastlanders. And most importantly? She has to stay away from Ace.
Corey Gable has lost someone she loves.
Corey’s cousin, Hallie, has been consumed by her new life with the shifters of Damon’s Mountains, and she’s left Corey behind. The only way to maintain her relationship with her cousin is to get involved in her new life—the ups, the downs, all of it. When Corey is roped into helping with the interview process of creating the new Fastlanders Crew, there are definitely some interesting characters who want the invite. One of them is tall, dark, and mysterious, and there’s something about him that keeps drawing her in—but he has big warnings for her. She’s messing with a destiny that could be the end of her life as she knows it. She wants to heed his advice, truly she does, but there’s just something about the mysterious stranger. And the more she finds out about who he is, the more she thinks she couldn’t leave him alone if she tried.

Hellhounds and Angel Cakes by Zoe Chant

He’s supposed to be a rough, tough, terrifying hellhound. That's hard when you're covered in chihuahuas.
Henry’s used to everyone being afraid of him – being a hellhound has that effect on people. What he’s not used to is having every animal within a four-mile radius suddenly wanting to be his best friend. Pigeons roosting on your shoulder: annoying, but mostly harmless. The local moose population stampeding toward you in the hopes of a hug: somewhat more worrying.
There’s nothing for it but to escape to the mountains, where he can use his hellhound form to intimidate the local wildlife into leaving him alone. But a stop for one last piece of cake before heading into the wilderness leads him straight to his fated mate. He's over the moon... but how can he court her when every animal in town is trying to leap into his arms?
Travel journalist Luna was looking forward to this assignment: covering the first annual Girdwood Springs Food Festival, along with her trademark: Fillmore, the world's ugliest dog. Specifically, she was looking forward to sampling all the amazing, mouth-watering local delicacies.
But there's other delights to sample in Girdwood Springs – such as the mind-bogglingly gorgeous, hunky man who is now covered in cake, thanks to Fillmore. And who seems to be strangely popular with the local animal population.
Suddenly, writing her article is the last thing on her mind…

Wild Scottish Beauty by Tricia O'Malley

“She was sunshine to my storm clouds, and I wondered how the two could ever coexist.”
A chance job offer in Scotland gives Willow Barlowe an excuse to escape the predictable life her overly controlling brother, Miles, wants for her. Excited to start fresh as a fashion intern for the local kiltmaker, Willow lands in small town Loren Brae brimming with sunshine and hope.
Until she discovers that her new boss is none other than Ramsay McMillan, her brother’s best friend, and the grumpiest man this side of the Atlantic. Never mind the ghost Highland coo that haunts the castle, nor the supposedly bewitched waters of Loch Mirren, Willow refuses to work under Ramsay’s watchful eyes, certain he’s reporting back to her brother.
Ramsay Kilts is home to one of the last remaining traditional kiltmakers in Scotland, Ramsay McMillan. Loyalty, continuity, and tradition are important to Ramsay–as is his privacy. After a family betrayal, Ramsay keeps his walls up, running a veritable kilt empire with as minimum fuss as he can. Enter Willow Barlowe–his new intern, good friend’s little sister, and a veritable thorn in his side.
If the thorn is made of sunshine and sparkles that is.
As the two clash, Ramsay must decide if loyalty is really more important than love?

Devious Gods by Caroline Peckham

Callie: Ruin chases close on our heels and the price we have paid for a chance at our salvation is higher than any of us could have presumed.
I have claimed a love so brutal that I fear losing it might destroy not just me but the world I have fought so desperately to save.
The gods watch us more closely than ever, urging us to fulfil the task our destiny demands. We only have to make it to the end of this road, but I fear what we might find when we reach that final destination.
Montana: I am no longer the girl born to ruin and ash, but a woman set on a path of salvation with my heart in the clutches of a monster.
Our eyes are finally open to the true enemies of our kind and now that we have managed to unite against all odds, we are determined to see the games of the gods end.
Time is running out and fate calls our name on a tumultuous wind. Let’s pray that we can answer it before damnation claims us all.

The Throne of Honour and Blood by J Bree

In our arrogance, the high fae forgot everything that mattered.
I carved out a reputation as the Savage Prince for my brutality against witches, but unable to wield our magic, I couldn’t stop my kingdom from being torn apart by war and famine while the Fates demanded my patience.
The worst was still to come.
After almost a thousand years of waiting for my Fates-blessed mate, and thousands of witches dead by my hand, the Fates revealed their cruelest truth yet.
With silver eyes that sliced to the bone and a humility that defied all reason, the witch I’m bound to has tested every inch of my restraint, but that was only the beginning.
Everything I once knew as true has come into question.
Loyalties will be tested, treaties broken, treason committed, and only the strongest will survive.
I am Prince Soren Celestial.
The rightful heir to the throne of the Southern Lands.
Nothing will keep me from my Fates-blessed mate.
Not even her hatred for me.

Devourer of Men: A Captain Hook, Crocodile, and Wendy Darling Reimagining by Nikki St. Crowe

I have few friends and fewer allies. What I do have on the island of Everland is a lot of people who want me gone. So when the Crocodile and Captain Hook reappear in my life, I am in no mood. And worse, they’re unknowingly endangering themselves by asking for me by a name I long considered dead.
Now, not only do I have to save myself, I have to save the two men who I swore I would murder with my bare hands if I ever set eyes on them again considering they abandoned me.
Unfortunately for me, Roc and Hook have other plans, and when I find myself caught between them, I have to make a decision: risk my heart or risk my life?
Devourer of Men is a dark MMF romantasy fairytale retelling. Characters have been aged up for this darker, grittier version. For a full list of content warnings, please visit the author's website.

Bespelled (Bewitched Book 2) By Laura Thalassa

“Neither magic, nor time, can keep us apart. We are like the stars. Eternal.”
No one told witch Selene Bowers having a soul mate would be so difficult. Nor did they warn her that he might be a vengeful, ancient sorcerer who would frame her for murder, force her to remember a past life he swears she lived, and then coerce her into an unbreakable marriage pact. But that’s exactly what happens the night of the Samhain Ball, when Selene finds herself in a jail cell.
After waking from enchanted sleep, Memnon swore to discover why Selene betrayed him long ago. But when his soul mate’s memories return, the truth reveals something else entirely. Horrified by his own actions and desperate to make amends, Memnon offers Selene the unthinkable: a magic bond that will give her full control over his will. And Selene is desperate enough to accept it.
But other enemies still haunt Henbane Coven, Selene’s magical academy, and they’ve taken a keen interest in her. If she wants to stop them, she’ll need Memnon’s help. But partnering with the sorcerer is a tricky business, especially when he’s dead set on winning her heart. And that can’t happen…because the bond controlling him will break the moment she falls in love with him.

Beautiful Beast (Dragons of Viria) by Devyn Sinclair

Standing in front of a dragon means dying by fire, but the heart knows there’s more than one way to burn.
Humans and dragons are at war, and I am a pawn in the battle.
Princess of a dying land, my life is not my own, and a marriage to a vicious, dragon-hunting prince will save my people from deadly famine or death by fire.
But before I can vow my life to a monster, dragons drop screaming from the sky with a single aim. End the alliance. Kill me. I welcome the flames, relieved to burn instead of rot.
But the flames never come.
One look in the dragons' eyes, and they carry me away. Three dragons whose gaze burns with hunger and fills me with fire.
They're not what we were taught, and every passing day I learn more of the truth. Dragons are not the enemy we thought they were.
Still, one question remains: for centuries no one has stood before a dragon and survived. If these dragons were sent to kill me, why am I still alive?

Midlife Vampire Hunter (The Forty Proof Series Book 9) by Shannon Mayer

Crash:
I had her in my arms, only to lose her moments later. Frantic doesn't even begin to describe my state of mind as I search for Bree.
That search takes me deep into my past and to a family home that I swore I would never return to.
To find Bree, I must face a queen I defied and a monster that wants my soul. All while being heckled by a demon-infested blade.
Goddess help me succeed.
Breena:
Being abducted by a woman who is supposed to be dead, and weirdly looks a heck of a lot like me, is disturbing. Being told my death is needed to complete a wicked spell and that I'll be turned into a vampire? Even more disturbing.
I can't reach Crash or my friends. I have no idea where I am. My only ally? Alan. My ex-husband. Yup, you read that right,
The path to the end of my story is shadowed in fog, danger, and mystery, but I begin to see through it as the players and truth emerge. And that sight shows me that the sliver of hope is worth hanging onto, that my friends are with me even when I cannot see them, and that a future free of those who mean us harm is possible.
Even if it costs me more than I ever planned on paying

UPCOMING JUNE RELEASES

The Little Shop of Grand Curiosities by Iris Lake

Nepheli’s Little Shop of Grand Curiosities is the last scrap of magic left in the humdrum city of Elora as the Dreadful Mundane slowly takes over its residents’ hearts, and she is determined to preserve it any way she can. But when Apollo, a charming and mysterious traveler from the other side of the world, walks into her Shop, bringing her all kinds of trouble, Nepheli, for the first time in her life, is stolen away from the familiar wonders of her Curiosity Shop and is thrust into a dangerous world of lethal creatures and heartbreaking magic. As the two of them embark on a long journey of self-discovery, Nepheli will soon realize that the most curious things in life lie right beyond the reach of one’s comfort zone.
The Little Shop Of Grand Curiosities is a lighthearted fantasy romance about the true meaning of love, the power of empathy, and the unremitting yearning to be extraordinary as an act of rebellion against the mundaneness of the world.

Filthy Rich Fae by Geneva Lee

Cate Holloway knows the unspoken rule of New Orleans: avoid the powerful Gage crime family at all costs. Of course, that was before her brother got caught in their chaos. Now Cate has no choice but to confront the dark and forbidding prince of New Orleans himself and beg for her brother’s life. But Lachlan Gage is as lethal as he is beautiful…and the only currency he’s interested in is her soul.
Because Lachlan isn’t just some ruthless criminal. He’s fae. And he has his own secret reasons for binding her to him. Tricked and desperate, Cate is torn between humanity and the breathtaking Otherworld. A place filled with shadows and secrets, with members of each fae court plotting against her just as her captor’s motives for trapping her become more mysterious. And if she can’t break this sinister bargain in the next thirty days, she’ll be bound to the inscrutable yet infuriatingly tempting fae prince and his deadly world…forever.

The Princess and the Pack by Fallon English

Princess Ivy and Prince Cillian have been fated since birth. Ivy has always known that one day, she must leave her country to become not only Cillian’s bride, but Namara’s future Queen.
As an Omega and a princess, her life revolves around duty; not the dream that she harbors of life-altering love. Her station dictates she deny Nature’s call for a pack of her own. Instead, she must wed and settle for one - and only one - Alpha to preserve their pristine, royal bloodlines.
But fate has other plans in mind for Princess Ivy. Plans that involve not just her Betrothed, but his best friend and Ivy’s childhood nemesis - a nobleman, and the handsome son of the Royal Gardener.
Will societal expectations and tradition pull them apart? Or will Ivy and her Alphas take charge of their fate and give in to a love with the power to change the world?

A Rival of Hearts by Tessonja Odette

Two rival writers. One prestigious publishing contract. A bargain of hearts and seduction.
They say never bargain with the fae. They also say don’t get drunk on fae wine. Yet romance author Edwina Danforth has managed a blunder with both on her first visit to the infamous faelands. Now she's trapped in a magic-fueled bet she barely remembers with a man she’d be happier to forget. The terms? Whoever can bed the most lovers during their month-long dueling book tour wins a coveted publishing contract.
The win should be easy for Edwina. She’s known for penning scintillating tales of whirlwind romance. There’s just one her imagination vastly exceeds her bedroom experience. But when failure means plummeting her career back into obscurity, losing isn’t an option.
Her handsome fae rival, William Haywood, poses an even greater challenge. Not only are his looks as aggravatingly perfect as his track record behind closed doors, but he has his own reasons for playing to win, and he won’t go down without a fight. Unless, of course, it’s a different kind of going down. In that case, he’s fair game.
Edwina and William clash in a rivalry of romance. But what happens when their objects of desire…turn out to be each other?

My younger brother ended his life last week. I feel this knot in my stomach that doesn’t want to go away. I’m still in disbelief, I talked to him a little over a week ago. Sometimes I cry but now I just feel nausea. I feel like I’m in a movie watching somebody else’s tragedy but it’s mine. He was my youngest sibling, he battled depression for over two decades and even attempted to take his own life a few times. These didn’t feel like real suicide attempts but instead cried for help. Over the years he would get better and then worse. My parents had him admitted a few times, but unfortunately my mom trusted him when he said he wasn’t going to do anything that night. He waited until the morning. My mom had to go through the horror of finding his lifeless body with his newly adopted dog sitting next to him.
My sister called me at work and when she called and said I should step away from my desk I knew immediately what she was going to say. I was shocked but not surprised. Now I retrace my last conversation with him and wonder if I ended the call reminding him that I love him. I regret that I didn’t respond to his last text and I feel sick to my stomach knowing I could’ve possibly changed the outcome instead I was too caught up complaining about my life to really listen to what he was feeling.
Another thought was that this had been planned over weeks. He had slowly been emptying his bank account to buy new tools that we believe he intended to leave for my dad. He called me and my sister to talk which doesn’t happen very often. As siblings we get caught up in our own lives and don’t talk as much as we should. One of the last things he did was adopt a dog. I thought this would be a turning point for him. It would give him a little more purpose. I think it made him happy for a short time and then back to his previous state or maybe even lower. We always thought his highs were higher and his lows were lower. He did ask me to take the dog (in his letter) because part of our conversation was about taking the dog back to the shelter. This made me upset, I had no idea why he was considering doing this. In the end he was really hard on himself. Things that would make a mildly unpleasant day seemed to hit him hard. Also my dad thinks once he found a way to take his life painlessly it made his decision much easier. I don’t know how to process this pain. I want to scream and cry but the medication I take helps a little bit, but not enough. Going to the funeral home to see him one last time (even though the funeral director advised against it since he was being cremated). I needed that closure. I wanted to hug him once last time, but I knew it was just his body.
I think about our lives and how different we turned out and feel awful about how tormented he was and I didn’t really address it the way I should have. I wish I had a time machine so I could stop him. I wish I reminded him I loved him. I wish I responded to that last text. Those things will haunt me for the rest of my life. I don’t really think there is an afterlife but for his sake I hope there is because he deserves much better than what this life gave him.