Cute bets with your boyfriend

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. And all throughout those years, weve had a wonderful relationship except for when he just randomly shuts down and suddenly hates being around me or hearing me talk in general. Like, well be all lovey and chilling and then the next minute he’ll give me a stare (and dont get me wrong I have my moments of non verbalization/overstimulation from ppl too) as in “I dont care what your talking about”, say I dont care about what Im talking about, or when I get excited about something cool or interesting that I like, like when I saw a cool frog on here or found a couple laat night, he says “no need to get so worked up over stuff like that”, and then will barely conversate or touch me and start kinda ignoring me or giving me hm answers😐. For more context that makes this situation even more laughable, is the fact that I am literally autistic as hell and NEVER try to annoy him about my interests or overstimulate him unless im super excited, he is autistic too I thought he would understand?? Thats one of the reasons why we fell in love? He literally rants to me about his special interests, one which is video games, and SCREAMS during playing them everyday. I have never told him to shut up or I dont care or dont get worked up once in our relationship. When he does act interested in something im excited about what Im saying, he still validates me as if hes talking to a dumb child, like “oh wowww thats sooo great babe🫠” cant give me more than like 5 mins to ever talk about it, barely, and will pat me on the head and dont thinks I cant notice him talking in a condescending tone or rolling his eyes to other people were with or to himself. I cant tell if Im going crazy out of my own misperception and this is just him having normal random detachment and or overstimulation periods? or If he just realizes he has to actually learn to live with me and my interests and that my personality isnt just a cute quirky little joke? Do I just need therapy? Ive never had a good role model for healthy relationships, especially neurodivergent ones, in my life so if Im doing something wrong I want to fix it. I love him too much :/

Greetings and Salutations! Just dropping the next few chapters below, these were fun to read :) Enjoy!
Ch. 11

• “What the hell happened to you?” LOL if Rhys becomes Lucien 2.0 I think I'll be ok with that
  
• Wait so if he wanted Rhys could just channel his power and go scorched earth??? How are there not any contingencies in place for that and everyone is just relying on his whim?
  
• Whoa so Feyre has been making some crazy progress with her shields if Rhys is blocked out 90% of the time…hooked on phonics with Rhys has really been paying off for her
  
• Eyyyyyy Feyre is reading a book! Look how far she's come
  
• Bro, why is Rhys always asking why Feyre doesn't insult him anymore? Is he into verbal BDSM or something? I guess being Amarantha's toy did a number on him. I bet this guy is a freak in the bed
  
• Oh damn so she has water bending skills too?! So wateice, fire, wind, psychic abilities…just needs earth and heart and she can finally become Captainess Planet
  
• Bro, Tamlin’s number one flaw is that he’s straight up not a good communicator. He thinks he can just scowl his way to victory with Feyre and Rhys, and they're not about that life
  
• I do feel kinda bad for Tammy, I bet he feels like he's getting cucked by Mr. Cavill (completely understandable as well)
  

Ch. 12

• NICE Feyre is just plowing through all the books in the library…WAY better hobby than being a lukewarm painter. That being said, I won't say no to a Bob Ross faerie to help Feyre improve her skills
  
• Dude Tammy is still shutting Feyre out?! This guy is completely oblivious to the fact that he's losing her slowly
  
• WTF is Feyre turning part crow now?
  
• “How long have the claws been appearing?” bro…nothing gets past Luke the Duke. NOTHING
  
• Dude…Lucien can really do no wrong, am I right? This MAN is advocating for Feyre left and right constantly to have her be trained cause he sees the bigger picture. Everyone's goal in life should be to find a friend that'll be in your corner the way Lucien is with Feyre. HAVE FEYRE BECOME THE AVATAR, YOU COWARDS
  
• Really. Tammy is still giving her short answers and no new info? How did that work out last time in the first book?
  
• I mean at this point just continue compromising? Just be a good girl and stay in the palace, then when you go to Rhysand's place go balls out and start training to be the avatar over there. You probably could even bargain and say give me one full month at the Night Court hyperbolic time chamber, I'll become a god, then the bargain is complete and everyone bows to me, HIGH LADY FEYRE
  
• I'm pretty sure Feyre is gonna learn Winnowing right? Then she'll be able to come and go as she pleases
  
• WTF is happening, is Feyre getting kidnapped?
  
• OH SHIT Alis coming in clutch!!! Are her and Mor pen pals or something?
  
• Back to the Night Court!
  

Ch. 13

• LMAO Rhysand is looking at Feyre rubbing his temples and thinking “I'm too old for this shit”
  
• She can control darkness too?! Please tell me she summons Charlie Murphy to the battlefield in a future book
  
• I mean, at the rate she's revealing her powers she's making Avatar Aang look like a baby back bitch
  
• Oh damn Feyre said it. She's not going back! I think comparing being trapped in the palace to being trapped under the mountain did it for her
  
• What's with the cloak and dagger shit with Rhys? Feyre can't mention anything to anyone about the Night Court? Interesting, I'm wondering if this court is suffering greatly from the Illyrians
  
• Noice Rhys treating her like an equal rather than property. Honestly, not a hard concept at all.
  
• Onward to Velaris, city of stars! Sounds dope
  
• Wait, Feyre took a bath and got ready in 10 minutes? I call bullshit
  
• LMAO Rhys said “that was 15 minutes.” I should just keep reading before commenting lol
  
• Hold on, Rhys has callused hands? From what? I can't imagine this guy doing any type of manual labor or holding a BF sword for fighting, this cat uses mind bullets. Is that even a turn on, having callused hands?
  
• So, they both arrive in a lived-in home that's inside a city…and that's shocking to Feyre…why?!? Does she expect city residents to just live in the sewers or something? This woman I swear…
  
• Oh wow that's the end of part 1! We're just moving right along aren't we
  

Ch. 14

• Oooh Part 2 The House of Wind?! Day Court maybe???
  
• Wut we’re in Rhysand's home? Like the one he grew up in???
  
• Oh shit Rhys has a family? I thought there was no one left except him and Mor
  
• I…have no idea what's going on right now lol. The twins live in Rhys's house, are they related to him? And two Illyrians are just banging on his door…can they come in?
  
• Ohhhh one of them is Cassian! Interesting
  
• Inner circle…like the circle of trust? How does one come to be a part of this?
  
• Hmm, so Rhys saved this entire city before he became High Lord…I need deets ASAP
  

Ch. 15

• So Velaris sounds like heaven on Prythian.
  
• “...his blue eyes were as ruthless as the churning winter sea in the distance.” Wait, I thought he has violet eyes?? Can he change their color??? *Sigh some Faes have all the luck
  
• This place really sounds like Kalm from FF VII Rebirth…gorgeous town
  
• Really want to know how Rhysand saved this city…I'm curious if they know he's the high lord and if he appreciates being treated like a normal citizen
  
• Oh God we're back to Feyre thinking about painting things again…
  
• Also, calm your tits Feyre?! You're getting mad at these people for something they weren't aware of
  
• “My people are blameless.” TRUTH, Rhys
  
• Ooooh a new character has appeared! 2nd in command Amren! Steal her shit and she'll roast your balls off
  
• Wow Rhys is the most powerful high lord in history….good to get confirmation on this, I felt it was always hinted at so far
  
• What a weird time to warg into Rhysand lol, guess she can't control this ability
  
• I was just thinking…if Feyre’s real kinky or doesn't have this ability down yet once she and Rhys bang they can warg into each other's bodies and see them screwing themselves and really start having some crazy sex sessions
  
• Oh interesting, so psychic Faes are called Daemati. As in, ‘Daemati’ invade your mind, or ‘Daemati’ not LOLOL. I'm keeping that dad joke
  
• “...or maybe I had broken it, when I shoved that dagger into the hearts of two innocent fae and their blood warmed my hands.” Don't you DARE forget what you did to the Beddors, Feyre! Remember Clare!!!!
  
• Bro, Rhysand is going to carry Feyre as he flies in with his wings LOL. What a sight that would be
  
• What do those wings look like by the way? I know we've gotten tiny glimpses and hints..like black, bat wings. And I'm assuming wing span size ABSOLUTELY matters *wink wink
  
• Ooooh what a cool flying scene; all this needs is “A whole new world” playing in the background.
  
• Aw sad day, Rhys loved his mommy :/
  
• “Each chair fashioned, I noted, to accommodate wings.” What does that even look like? No backs to the chairs, or the backs are shorter so the wings can rest over the back when they sit? I gotta know this for my immersion!
  
• Cute little penny for your thoughts scene between Rhys and Feyre…she's completely out of the woods with Tammy now.
  
• Let the Illyrian Dinner Feast begin!
  

Lots of fun developments in these chapters! Excited to read on and see how the feast goes. Thanks for reading!

I was invited by a couple of friends to go camping a few days ago. I'm honestly still exactly not sure if any of it was real, but I wish to share my story nonetheless. It began last Monday, when friend number Six invited friends One through Five to a girls get away. She claims to have found this beautiful spot in the mountain on one of her hikes and she says it’s perfect for seeing the stars at night. I was skeptical at first, to be honest I don't really like being outdoors, but it sounded like an experience worth having, so I thought "why not, this will be a wonderful memory to look back on!". I had just purchased a new camera as well, so I was honestly starting to warm up to the idea. I could take pictures of our excursion into the woods and make cute little picture frames for everyone for their birthdays, it would've been so cute! But things did not go at all as I had envisioned.
So the day of the trip arrives, a bit faster than I would've liked, but honestly I think I was just anxious about… I kept feeling this weight in my chest that made it uncomfortable to breathe, but I was going into the woods, strange things happen to women in movies; Jason Voorhees, Sasquatch, Shia LaBeouf! Who knows what could happen! Not to mention there is always the chance I could fall into a lake and get covered in leeches, or get surrounded by wolves, or chased up a tree by a bear… Hopefully a very soft bear so I'll at least know one pleasure before I die! There are all sorts of fears I had envisioned before the day of the trip, but anxiety just be like that.
I met up with my friends at the trail and learned that friend Six decided to bring her bf along, which I was upset about but I guess he was just going to get a hotel room nearby so he'd be close enough to her to feasibly show up if we needed any help. She later told us that he worries all the time because his father went missing in these woods years ago and he's worried the same might happen to her. This is where I learned that men tend to stay out of those woods because men have been going missing in those woods for years, but according to friend Six, she's been coming to this forest for a while now and hasn't had any bad experiences. Hearing that did oddly put me at ease, but now all I could wonder at the time was what happened to all those poor men.
Deep into the night we're all chit chatting, talking about where we are in our lives, things that are bugging us, what our hopes are, and dancing to the music of nature… but which of course I mean we got shit drunk, smoked some great wee, talked about sex, laughed over silly anime scenes, and twerked to slipknot girly bops!. It was such a fun night at that point that I honestly wish I could go back and never let that night end. It was intoxicating how beautiful the sky looked, and when gazed up it was almost like we could scoop the stars into our hands and sip from the sea of stars. I was worried we'd just be on our phones all night filming tiktoks or something but even with no signal, no one really seemed to be too stressed about it, we all just kind of felt safe… Almost welcomed into the forest, like being embraced by a loving mother. But unfortunately, heaven isn't forever, and men come not but to steal, kill, and destroy.
As we were drinking we decided to tell some scary stories… or well I decided to because I thought "it's so cliché but we have to do it. It feels like tradition almost." plus I would've regretted it if we didn't do it, so fuck it, right? Right. So we go around telling scary stories to one another, and I mention to friend Six that I keep thinking about those poor men that went missing. I then asked if any women had gone missing, and surprisingly she said yes… it was way back in the 1800's but after that there had never been a single missing woman in that forest. The forest was actually named after the first young woman who went missing all those years back, and now there are all these rumors about it but I don't believe in that stuff so I didn't really pay much attention… I kept thinking "I'll just wait for the manga… or the shitty Hollywood cash grab of it…" but I DO vaguely remember the history cause I find dark history lore to be super fascinating. So there was a time when the area had more indigenous citizens living here, before gentrification moved into town. She went on to tell us that indigenous people eventually began to keep to themselves because as more white people moved in, more of their daughters went missing. There are yearly parades to honor the missing daughters and to spread awareness to those living in the town. The police try to shut it down but they still do it every year.
Not long after hearing that we hear something howl in the distance. Friend Three howls back and friend Five falls on her out of her camping chair laughing. I tell them to knock it off because the last thing we need is for her to accidentally attract a wolf during mating season! I don't know if that’s a thing, but it sounds like something that’s a thing… So I'm just going to assume that it is. Don't judge me. She then says "But what if it's Taylor Lautner? Or Joe Manganiello? Personally… I'm more of a Meatloaf guy myself… But you know… RIP… But Joe is pretty fine and my mom did always hope I'd marry a black man to get melanin back in our family… But I don't think a splash of melanin is gonna override this asian/african skin so… Anyways! So these guys come walking past our camp site, and we're all drunk and high so we're already all on edge upon seeing random men this deep into the forest, but friend Four gets up and says "who the fuck are you and what're you doing here!?" One of the men quickly apologizes and tells us they're actually out here camping as well. They said a friend of theirs found this waterfall in the forest that glows because it captures the moon's light. Friend Two hears this and asks if we can go with them, to which we all begrudgingly agree.
At the "mooncuzi" I like to call it, we all sit around this beautiful natural pool lit up by the moon, and we were worried it would be cold but I was surprisingly warm, if I had to guess I'd assume there's a magma vein under there or something? Idk, I'm not a geologist or volcanologist, but something kept it warm and it wasn't my tiny bladder! Everyone was really relaxed and the guys honestly seemed super cool, and guy One honestly seemed really nice. I call him guy One because he's number 1 to me, we're still together now, and we even have another partner now, so yay! We all began talking and some of us were hitting it off, clearly… but we had all been drinking and smoking more which, honestly we had stopped… but we couldn't pass up the opportunity to get cross-faded in a mooncuzi. Nuh. Nope. Not on my watch. But someone clearly didn't get the vibe memo, because friend Two screams out "bro what the fuck I said no!"
The next thing we hear is "You don't have to yell about it like some kind of cunt!" Everyone runs over to try and figure out what's going on. Turns out guy Five didn't like being told no. He and friend Two were playing a drinking game with friends Three and Four and guy Three and Four. We learned that guy Five dared friend Two to take her top off, to which she said politely refused, and the guys didn't seem to like that. They tried to convince her it's part of the game. One of the guys said she was already in her underwear anyway, so she might as well… My guy, One, and guy Two scolded their friends for their behavior, which is why guy Two and friend Two are married now… Guess nice guys don't finish last, huh? Anyways, They scolded their friends for their behavior, I remember my guy yelling "you never speak to a woman like that!" and "If I ever catch you trying to peer pressure a woman again I'll take your testicals in my hand and squeeze on them slowly until I know what it's like to feel one pop in my hand." and it was honestly the hottest thing I've ever heard a man say… a bit violent… but fuck was I glad I was in the water!
Guys One and Two apologized for their friends' actions the whole way back. I asked them why they remained friends with them and guy One had gone off to college while guy Two went into the service, so the two of them had been away for a few years, but they swore their friends never used to be like that. This was actually supposed to be a reunion hike of sorts since they both happened to come back around the same time. After meeting up with guys Three, Four, and Five though, they realized their friends had been warped by these podcasts about alphas and betas and maximizing your sigma or something, and tried to convince him to listen to some pickup artist that claimed to know the secret to unlocking the female brain. Also known as, stupid useless slop grifters make to get rich off young boys with zero confidence and zero bitches. Lastly, he tells me guy Three was actually raised by a single mother alongside his two sisters, so he really wouldn't expect that kind of behavior from him. Guy Four was always sort of sketchy but they thought he was "just being funny", men right? The only thing they felt was weird about him was this one time when they were teens his sister moved away and he got really quiet afterwards, but then he dated a few people that looked almost identical to her, but for some reason he didn't see it, so they started calling him "little sister" (or did they? oooo) or "Lil" for short, joking he had an undiagnosed sister complex… Ew. That’s all I’ll say to that. The last guy, Five, they said always seemed fine to them, they didn't elaborate, so idk what their idea of "fine" is, sorry to disappoint.
Not long after we got back to the camp we heard engines in the distance, and as they got closer and closer we all stared in confusion. No one should be riding vehicles out this way, and friend 6 knows her bf wouldn't come out here without alerting us.
The vehicles stopped after surrounding us with their lights pointing right at us. We heard the familiar voices of guy Three, along with 4 new voices. He whined about how we hyurt his widdle feefees or something obnoxious. I tried to listen but it's just so hard to listen to some overgrown pissbaby go on about their fragile ego. Guys One and Two went to confront guy Three and his posse, asking why they didn’t wait at the car. Guy Three told them they wouldn’t understand because they’ve given themselves over to feminist ideas and allowed themselves to become beta cucks. He told them that simps deserve to die so other men won’t be warped by feminist witch pussy magic like they have… Like we just met these guys and he’s already acting like we had sex… This man's logic was like a runaway train, the cars are all there but they ain’t making it to their destination. Guys One and Two continue to argue with guys Three, Four, and Five, before guys Six and seven come up behind them and put knives to their necks. At this moment I noticed a gleam in guy Three’s eyes. He now thinks he’s invincible… I can see the depravity in his eyes as he looks upon friend Two, stripping her down in his mind, imagining all the sick things he’ll do. And as if to validate my suspicions, he walks up to her and says “You never did complete that dare… How about we start a new game… But this time we won’t have any need for truths.” I watch as fear washes over Two’s face, as she begins to imagine what he is implying, almost as if his depraved thoughts were being projected into her mind, instilling suffering on her before he had even begun to touch her. She catches herself, refusing to give him the satisfaction of fear and spits in his face. She then tells him “you couldn’t even please your hand with a prick that small.” The look of anger on his face was honestly delectable. If I could, I would put it on canvas and call it “Portrait of a Scorned Man” or “Man who just realized being a dick doesn’t make yours bigger”. ANYWAYS, he then began to yell something about "it's up to real men to show women their place in society!" OOO so angwy! They started circling around us like starving wolves. One of them placed themselves against friend Five’s back and said "I always wondered if trans women looked different down there." Which angered friend Five, but not as much as it did friend Four who tends to be a bit of a hot head.
Friend Four may look like a pretty cute petite princess, but she's manlier than most men I know. She's a competitive marksman, as well as being a gymrat who likes to build cars on the weekends. She's also the girlfriend of friend Five, not that that’s important but I feel like it should be important. So anyways, she starts blasting right? And one of these guys yells "what the fuck they’ve got funs!? Who the fuck gave these stupid bitches guns!?" I then hear one of them try to antagonize her by saying "pretty young thang like you shouldn't be carrying such a big piece until she's used to it! AYO!" So she shot a round off at the tree he took shelter behind as if to mock him by letting him know his life is in her hands… She looked like a real boss bitch, like for real! That girl is HIM! She has always been him, she will always be him! While this was taking place, friend Six reached out to her boyfriend now that we could finally use the radio without fear of them taking it. We explained what was happening and asked him to bring help. He told us to tie the button down and to hide it from sight so that he could listen in while he headed to the station to get help. I feel so bad for that man, having to listen to all those screams, feeling completely powerless to do anything in the moment, but we’re so thankful to him for being there in the way that he was.
Gun fire kept ringing out as Four kept firing rounds into the forests yelling “I shoot to maim!” and “You’re not safe here!” hoping to scare the men enough to make them retreat because none of them seemed to have rifles on them… But then we hear it… The first scream… Everyone freezes in their tracks, their heart stilled by this sudden shriek of terror that seemed to only further race towards the all consuming darkness. The moment it stopped nothing remained but the slow encroaching crawl of raindrops and the rapid beating drums of the fear in our hearts. It's then that the rain came down like a closing curtain on the chapter of our innocence, because that’s when we heard the second scream, a scream just as chilling as the first, ascending high into the tree tops before we see something that shocks everyone to their core; the haunting image of a man’s face still screaming, a face still unaware its going to meet, a face that still hopes to be saved but never will. Within unison, as if hell had a chorus, we all screamed in silence as we turned to run. With no other means of safety, my friends, guys One and Two, as well as myself ran for the tent. We don't really know what happened after we got into the tent, but not a second went by that we didn't think we wouldn't be next. We know better now, but in that moment I felt both relief and fear for my life. I just kept thinking how lucky I was that I was fortunate enough to die with my dignity still intact… I kept thinking "at least those man babies didn't get to do whatever depravity they had in mind"
Well by now everyone knows what happened, it's been on the news. Those 3 guys and all of their cronies turned up missing… But what the news won't tell you is that we were saved by Mama Makwa, we call her that due to the sounds we heard, as well as the site we saw afterwards. The bellowing sound of vengeance that came in the form of a bear’s roar was as loud as the mean screaming they saw a 9 ft tall bear with skin dripping off of its bone like fur. We later learned that men referred to it as “Slippy Skin” aka "Wejuk", as it seemed the bear would change appearance depending on who gazed upon its visage, but this was not "Wejuk". One by one, we heard those men scream for their lives, describing a creature with a mouth made of human hands that had palms covered by teeth shaped like hypodermic needles. It had claws that seemed like stone daggers that were etched by native americans. They warned each other "Don't look into its eyes!" before proclaiming how sorry they were for the things they'd done… They complained of the putrid stench suffocating them as they were pulled into its gaping maw. They screamed of the creatures rotting viscous flesh melting into their own, and making their skin a part of it, as if their skins were fuel for the fear this best could instill by its mere dominion over them. But we never saw that creature… Instead, after the screams stopped, we were greeted by this beautiful creature that looked like a bear, only it had this glow about it, and its fur seemed almost like the softest of opalescent feathers. Its eyes looked just like the aurora borealis, and she was mesmerizing. We felt safe, and welcomed, and most of all protected… After everything that happened, I think we will be coming back, because we know Mama Makwa will be there to protect us. We believe Mama Makwa is an avenging spirit born from the fear those women felt, here to make sure no other women ever have to suffer like they did within this forest. We also now understand why those men all went missing. My boyfriend and friend Two's husband weren't attacked by Mama Makwa… Only the men who felt any sort of ill intent toward us women that night saw Mama Makwa in that form, the form they confused for Slippy… But knowing there is a safe haven for women out there, I'm thinking we will have another girls night next year, anybody wanna come?

I've this classmate who I'm friends with. We're not extremely close, but we're in the same group of friends. Let's call her S. S is a really selfless person who can be kinda shy sometimes. She's extremely sensitive and when she's stressed or overwhelmed she can snap.
I met this girl last year, along with other girl I'll call M. M is a really carefree girl. She can be oblivious and honestly just a really chill person. M doesn't take things too personal, unlike S, who can think you're mad at her just by talking with someone else.
So I met this two girls and it was pretty clear that S was way too attached to M. They've known each other as much as I've known them, but still, S is always so affected by whatever M does.
As I said, M is a pretty chil person so she doesn't even notice this behavior from S. Some stuff S does are:
-Asking M to keep secrets, but then make painfully obvious to the rest of the group that there's a secret.
-Turn conversation of 4-5 people into a private coversation of her and M.
-Talk to me and the others when she thinks M is mad a her (Just because M is talking someone else)
-One of the last things she did was pass a paper between her and M with me literally in the middle.
I never really cared about this as I have other friends, but it was still a problem we all knew. The worst part? This attachment is totally one sided as M was completely oblivous and she even considers S just a classmate.
This new year rolls in and my best friend left our school. I was really thinking about this thing S has of excluding others, but I decided that I just needed to speak with new people. So there's this new guy "L" who happens to like the same author as me. We dont talk much, just exchange words, messages and just one proper conversation of around 20 minutes.
I first texted him, but a few days later we spoke during break time. Our conversation ended when I felt someone PULLING FROM MY HAIR for me to get up (I hate being pulled by my hair) and it's S, who then asked me what I was talking about with L. I explained and didn't think much of it.
But since then she started with this passive-aggressive comments like "Don't go with that guy or I'll get jealous", but always in a joking manner.
Then during a music class, we're all around the piano. Suddenly, S started to pull from my shirt with nervous laughter asking me to "take her out of there" M and I laughed and help her get out, but without understanding much. We got worried when S started crying.
After a long back and forth where she wouldn't tell us what's going on, she finally said that she and L exchanged glances, he politely smiled at her and she smiled back in a weird way.
Yeah, that's it. She got nervous and was embarrased because of her weird smile.
When asked why she smiled like that she said "Because I didn't want to be cute, I wanted to be like OP".
Since then I started thinking about everything and got weirded out. I texted a friend and told them everything, they told me that she probably liked L. I though the same, but wanted to let it go because she has a boyfriend.
The next day we're eating and S is looking down, I sat down beside her and she told me "Go with your friend, L. You're replacing me with him. That's why I'm mad" I laughed awkwardly and ignored her.
A few days later I met with my best friend and told her everything, we walked to M's place and told her everything too. From the attachment to her jealousy. Needless to say, we were all weirded out.
Here's where I found out from M that S texts her A LOT every day till M replies (Neither of us is really active on social media except for S who answers messages quickly). She also told me about a dream S had and where she basically told M, that she though I was mad and distant (I was).
Everyone agress that me and L barely talk, and even if we did talk a lot, it shouldn't matter to her.
Since then I've been talking less with her. A few days ago I ate lunch with someone else (no on purpose) and I think she got mad because today she didn't try to talk to me at all (good for me tbh) and when I went to eat, she avoided our table and only sat when I was away.
I don't think I'm the asshole, but this is so confusing.
A lot of people really like her and sometimes I can be impulsive. AITAH?

I've this classmate who I'm friends with. We're not extremely close, but we're in the same group of friends. Let's call her S. S is a really selfless person who can be kinda shy sometimes. She's extremely sensitive and when she's stressed or overwhelmed she can snap.
I met this girl last year, along with other girl I'll call M. M is a really carefree girl. She can be oblivious and honestly just a really chill person. M doesn't take things too personal, unlike S, who can think you're mad at her just by talking with someone else.
So I met this two girls and it was pretty clear that S was way too attached to M. They've known each other as much as I've known them, but still, S is always so affected by whatever M does.
As I said, M is a pretty chil person so she doesn't even notice this behavior from S. Some stuff S does are:
-Asking M to keep secrets, but then make painfully obvious to the rest of the group that there's a secret.
-Turn conversation of 4-5 people into a private coversation of her and M.
-Talk to me and the others when she thinks M is mad a her (Just because M is talking someone else)
-One of the last things she did was pass a paper between her and M with me literally in the middle.
I never really cared about this as I have other friends, but it was still a problem we all knew. The worst part? This attachment is totally one sided as M was completely oblivous and she even considers S just a classmate.
This new year rolls in and my best friend left our school. I was really thinking about this thing S has of excluding others, but I decided that I just needed to speak with new people. So there's this new guy "L" who happens to like the same author as me. We dont talk much, just exchange words, messages and just one proper conversation of around 20 minutes.
I first texted him, but a few days later we spoke during break time. Our conversation ended when I felt someone PULLING FROM MY HAIR for me to get up (I hate being pulled by my hair) and it's S, who then asked me what I was talking about with L. I explained and didn't think much of it.
But since then she started with this passive-aggressive comments like "Don't go with that guy or I'll get jealous", but always in a joking manner.
Then during a music class, we're all around the piano. Suddenly, S started to pull from my shirt with nervous laughter asking me to "take her out of there" M and I laughed and help her get out, but without understanding much. We got worried when S started crying.
After a long back and forth where she wouldn't tell us what's going on, she finally said that she and L exchanged glances, he politely smiled at her and she smiled back in a weird way.
Yeah, that's it. She got nervous and was embarrased because of her weird smile.
When asked why she smiled like that she said "Because I didn't want to be cute, I wanted to be like OP".
Since then I started thinking about everything and got weirded out. I texted a friend and told them everything, they told me that she probably liked L. I though the same, but wanted to let it go because she has a boyfriend.
The next day we're eating and S is looking down, I sat down beside her and she told me "Go with your friend, L. You're replacing me with him. That's why I'm mad" I laughed awkwardly and ignored her.
A few days later I met with my best friend and told her everything, we walked to M's place and told her everything too. From the attachment to her jealousy. Needless to say, we were all weirded out.
Here's where I found out from M that S texts her A LOT every day till M replies (Neither of us is really active on social media except for S who answers messages quickly). She also told me about a dream S had and where she basically told M, that she though I was mad and distant (I was).
Everyone agress that me and L barely talk, and even if we did talk a lot, it shouldn't matter to her.
Since then I've been talking less with her. A few days ago I ate lunch with someone else (no on purpose) and I think she got mad because today she didn't try to talk to me at all (good for me tbh) and when I went to eat, she avoided our table and only sat when I was away.
I don't think I'm the asshole, but this is so confusing.
A lot of people really like her and sometimes I can be impulsive. AITAH?

Just a rant about ✨men✨
My boyfriend of 1 week told me that “the worst you get is that you’re a little crunchy” then proceeded to explain what this ment. Saying “it means that you’re brown on the outside and blond on the inside, which I think is cute.” This is like saying “no offence but” proceeds to say something offensive. At first I felt he was correct, thinking “yeah maybe I am” but the more I thought about it the more I knew that I’m actually quite an intelligent person. I’m a nerd infact. I literally read books daily. I know a dumb blond when I see one and that’s just not me. The reason I felt he was right at first was because I let him make me feel that way, I let him treat me like I’m dumb. He says I have little blond moments, and I think that he’s just misunderstanding what’s actually going on in those moments. We’ve grown up with very many different experiences, so me figuring out what he means by things apparently means that I’m a “dumb blond” for not already knowing.
Then days later he sends me a TikTok “ https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSYRjsktb/ “ in context is a girl lip syncing to a audio with the caption “when your dating someone smarter then you” I don’t think he realised it’s not a compliment to himself.😂 And not to make it a competition but why does he think he’s the smartest in the relationship. 🤷‍♀️ because he clearly doesn’t know how to speak to a lady.
He doesn’t know me long enough to make that type of judgement. Everyone has their little blond moments, this doesn’t mean they’re a “crunchy.” Maybe I got into a relationship to quickly before getting to know the guy, and for him to actually get to know me. The more and more I’ve been talking to him, the more toxic he seems.
Am I being dramatic, or should I generally not let a man speak to me like this?

to start lets call this guy Joshua. We are in a snowboarding club together, and met this past december. The club goes on trips ski/boarding 5 times in a semester, and people get pretty close from this. We both are 2nd year college students. The club is also very very much degens. He's a huge stoner who lives with his childhood best friends. They're all really close.
I am new to the club this year, and we had met a few times but we were not really close or spoke much. He lives in the same complex as me at college, and i started seeing Joshua on the bus line.
Josh is a pretty friendly guy, but always really surface level. He seems on the shyer side, close with his friends but he doesnt talk much to girls. He's known for being pretty closed off.
Our ski season ends around the end of February. Him and his roommates put it out in the neighborhood club group chat to come hangout and play some drinking games. My roommate went with me, she's also in club. After the night playing games, she turned to me and was like "josh def is interested in you" and I had also started to notice how cute he was that night. So the combination resulted in a little more interest than just noticing how cute he was
I'm in a sorority, so i asked him to a date party a week later. he seemed hesitant to go, but I reassured him it wasn't a big deal, and I could ask someone else, if it didnt work out. He went with me to the party, and was a really fun date. We both were drinking, and when we got home, he asked me straight up "do you like me?" I told him that prior to this week no. and that it hadn't been more than a friendly date, and i was a little interested but he could turn me down right then. He agreed that he hadn't been interested in more than friends but that night had sparked an interest. He told me he liked me, somehow that night spiraled into games at his apartment with our friends, and we were walking around the neighborhood aimlessly, chatting away til 3 am. He told me his fear of relationships, and taking things further than friends. That he'd never been ina serious relationship. maybe just friends with benefits at the furthest, with a girl he'd been friends with since childhood.
He asked what I was looking for, and I told him, the idea of friends with benefits scared me, because you have one foot in, one foot out, and someone is always going to walk away hurt. "So you're looking for a boyfriend." again he always seemed to catch me off guard. I told him eventually, but we don't know each other well enough to pursue anything serious, so let's just get to know each other.
We made plans, and the next two weeks were filled with group hangouts that had serious eye contact, and being inseperable. Our friends caught on. But it seemed pretty friendly. til our big camping event. I wanted to ask him to formals, he had DDed me while he was sick, and studied with me when he didn't have any work to do, we'd spent a lot of time together, and he seemed really interested. we were both drinking yet again, and I asked him to formals and he told me "IDK if i want a relationship yet, but I really like you. "
he voiced to me his big fear was FOMO from his close friend group.
that night we were cuddled up by the fire, wandering around together, things were really good. He came back to my tent and we kissed a while too, stayed up all night, and watched the sunrise. I told him if it was a one time/hookup situation he was looking for, to leave me alone. Instead he offered to come over and hangout with me and the cat that night, he kissed me again, and we had two more days of hanging out with friends, and him coming over after to spend time with me and watch our show.
It felt like he was really opening up to me a few days before formals, but as he would open up more, he would also start to pull away physically. No more kissing, just cuddling, and he seemed very nervous. He voiced his fear of FOMO again, saying that we'd spent a lot of time together and he still wanted to see his friends
Formals came around and the night before he noted that he didnt know the time/date until just then. he still wanted to go, but the actual formal rolled around and his roommates had friends over and when he showed up at my door he wasnt in the best of moods.
We had a really great night after that though, pregame was a lot of fun, he held my hand throughout the night and we even danced a little.
He was attentive, and when i had been in the bathroom too long he was looking for me instead of just sitting with our mutual friends.
That night though, once we got home, the plan had been to change, and then head over to our friends but we sat down and realized we were pretty drunk
I was tired, and he wanted to leave to see our friends. I started to hammer him with questions, which in retrospective might be what scared him away. I asked if he saw a future with me, if he liked me enough to date me, if he wanted more from me, if he saw anything next semester.
I saw him get nervous and shifty, and he started to blurt out answers, NO, I dont see this, I dont like you enough, and then he took his sweatshirt back, and was like
I guess i shouldnt come over anymore...
I still like you though, im sorry. Im sorry. im sorry.
and when he left left he hugged me apologized again, and then said he really enjoyed my friendship outside of whatever this was as well.
The next night we had a ski club event. ( i know it sounds like all we do is party and drink but my grades were fine).
The original plan was a pregame with my friends and a walk over, but his Josh's roommate had another pregame in the same neighborhood.
So we met up there. But we weren't really speaking. once i had enough liquid courage and he had already approached my little group I soloed him out later and told him... I feel like I was really just blurting things out last night. Im sorry, I don't really know what I want. do you?
He couldnt meet my eyes and he just said Nothing I want nothing lets just have a good summer apart.
30 minutes later, in public, about 15/20 feet away from him I got my ass grabbed by a once trusted friend, who had been way too friendly all day. Josh didn't see anything he says because it was hard to watch me talk to this person.
Another 30 minutes later after a few more drinks in an attempt to erase what had happened and I was sobbing my eyes out, unable to tell anyone what had happened. My friends were all trying to check in, but i just sat on the couch with tears streaming down my cheeks. Fireworks were going off outside, and the cops were called by the neighbors.
Josh ran in, grabbed me and pulled me outside, he gave me his jacket and he my roommate, and our friend walked to another street to find a ride home. I wanted to lay down and cry, and he propped me up instead, and tried to comfort me.
Once he got home he basically ran to another friends house, and said hed come over after to talk, (i fell asleep before he made it back but he did try).
Sunday he came over to help clean, and we cleaned in silence. The situation at the event where I got SAed, has been something Josh has a really hard time talking about, he just gets really quiet, says oh im sorry, its just such an awkward situation and never comments more on it. I really wish he'd be more angry for me. His best friends are?
For the next two weeks, he would invite me over to hangout with his friends, never just alone, but there were a few instances where we were alone. One night I was out with some girls in his friend group walking from my house back to his, and he started to text me asking where I was going, and what was I up to. the girls boyfriends came out too, but he brought me an umbrella and pulled me in and just laughed at us having our pow wow in the rain.
Finals week we both had almost no work and were floating about, I ended up going over there a ton. Some was by invite, and some was a little bit of inviting myself, but that's how the friendgroup is usually??
He offered to let me keep boxes in his room for the summer because I don't have a renewed lease, and when I came over a few times he played two songs on the guitar for me; that briefly in passing, I had mentioned I'd loved the songs. (i wouldnt consider them easy songs)
Before he left for the summer he came over to my house helped carry a few things out to the car, and a hug goodbye *note my roommate also a good friend of his did not get the same treatment*.
He told me that he hoped we'd see each other over the summer....
His girl friends have told me, he was really really hurt last year by a girl who he'd been really into, and dated for a week before she broke things off. They said they hadn't seen him bring girls over since, and all his other friends felt like he was fumbling me.
My question is it worth pursuing further? I know i'll just push him away by continuing this chase, but do we think that things will spark up ever again?
I really think Josh does care about me, and we had a great time, but he isn't texting me much anymore, if at all... I'm going to be in his hometown this weekend but I dont plan on letting him know/ seeing him.
What can i do at this point. I feel like he's said everything he needs to, he knows that I want more than what he's offering and I feel like I'm driving myself crazy. I really do think that we could be just friends, but I also feel like he has a soft spot for me and I don't want to miss out on something great just because I didnt give him time to get over his fears.

I've this classmate who I'm friends with. We're not extremely close, but we're in the same group of friends. Let's call her S. S is a really selfless person who can be kinda shy sometimes. She's extremely sensitive and when she's stressed or overwhelmed she can snap.
I met this girl last year, along with other girl I'll call M. M is a really carefree girl. She can be oblivious and honestly just a really chill person. M doesn't take things too personal, unlike S, who can think you're mad at her just by talking with someone else.
So I met this two girls and it was pretty clear that S was way too attached to M. They've known each other as much as I've known them, but still, S is always so affected by whatever M does.
As I said, M is a pretty chil person so she doesn't even notice this behavior from S. Some stuff S does are:
-Asking M to keep secrets, but then make painfully obvious to the rest of the group that there's a secret.
-Turn conversation of 4-5 people into a private coversation of her and M.
-Talk to me and the others when she thinks M is mad a her (Just because M is talking someone else)
-One of the last things she did was pass a paper between her and M with me literally in the middle.
I never really cared about this as I have other friends, but it was still a problem we all knew. The worst part? This attachment is totally one sided as M was completely oblivous and she even considers S just a classmate.
This new year rolls in and my best friend left our school. I was really thinking about this thing S has of excluding others, but I decided that I just needed to speak with new people. So there's this new guy "L" who happens to like the same author as me. We dont talk much, just exchange words, messages and just one proper conversation of around 20 minutes.
I first texted him, but a few days later we spoke during break time. Our conversation ended when I felt someone PULLING FROM MY HAIR for me to get up (I hate being pulled by my hair) and it's S, who then asked me what I was talking about with L. I explained and didn't think much of it.
But since then she started with this passive-aggressive comments like "Don't go with that guy or I'll get jealous", but always in a joking manner.
Then during a music class, we're all around the piano. Suddenly, S started to pull from my shirt with nervous laughter asking me to "take her out of there" M and I laughed and help her get out, but without understanding much. We got worried when S started crying.
After a long back and forth where she wouldn't tell us what's going on, she finally said that she and L exchanged glances, he politely smiled at her and she smiled back in a weird way.
Yeah, that's it. She got nervous and was embarrased because of her weird smile.
When asked why she smiled like that she said "Because I didn't want to be cute, I wanted to be like OP".
Since then I started thinking about everything and got weirded out. I texted a friend and told them everything, they told me that she probably liked L. I though the same, but wanted to let it go because she has a boyfriend.
The next day we're eating and S is looking down, I sat down beside her and she told me "Go with your friend, L. You're replacing me with him. That's why I'm mad" I laughed awkwardly and ignored her.
A few days later I met with my best friend and told her everything, we walked to M's place and told her everything too. From the attachment to her jealousy. Needless to say, we were all weirded out.
Here's where I found out from M that S texts her A LOT every day till M replies (Neither of us is really active on social media except for S who answers messages quickly). She also told me about a dream S had and where she basically told M, that she though I was mad and distant (I was).
Everyone agress that me and L barely talk, and even if we did talk a lot, it shouldn't matter to her.
Since then I've been talking less with her. A few days ago I ate lunch with someone else (no on purpose) and I think she got mad because today she didn't try to talk to me at all (good for me tbh) and when I went to eat, she avoided our table and only sat when I was away.
I don't think I'm the asshole, but this is so confusing.
A lot of people really like her and sometimes I can be impulsive. AITAH?

Update: Thanks to some much needed feedback, and my own reflections I see that it won't fix the relationship and that I still need to end it, regardless of how painful that will be. However, I do think that as I heal, this is what I want to explore as a healing codependent. Thank you for your feedback, I'm grateful that this community is active and willing to help.
Okay so I'm in a really tough relationship which I've been in for almost 2 years. The trouble is I'm very codependent. I'm 3 years older and since the start I've been deeply entrenched in a caregiving role. We've had a rocky time. We lived together for 8 months, now we're long distance 3 time zones away. We've been caught in an unfortunate dance of breaking up, being unable to actually follow through with it, and getting back together.
Recently there's been this thought at the edge of my mind: what if there's a secret third option... What if I chose to commit to solo-polyamory and gave him the choice to stay or go depending on his feelings about it.
A year ago when I mentioned anything like this he said he would accept it so I could stay in his life but he would be heartbroken secretly. So obviously sounds like a huge no right?
But here's the thing: he's not currently able to sustain being my boyfriend. He has told me as much. His mental health is really bad (he was literally just in the psych hospital), and he cannot be there for me. Not just in the caregiving ways but even just spending quality time together, being cute, etc. I don't blame him either, we both think I have BPD and my codependent tendencies can be suffocating.
And on the other hand, I cannot sustain being his primary caregiver. I feel neglected and lonely. And also feel incredibly fatigued from spending the last two years trying to keep him alive and build up his self esteem.
I need to get out of this dynamic! However, I've tried many times to just break it off and that doesn't work well for us because of our intense magnetism and chemistry and love for eachother.
His needs aren't being met by me and mine aren't being met by him but we don't want to stop talking/loving on eachother.
At least I don't. I hope he's not staying just because he's scared no one else will ever love him the way I do. That would be extremely fucking selfish because I've been suffering with this relationship unable to fully start my new life in a new city because I'm still stuck in this painful dysfunctional relationship.
But recently he has been so unavailable even telling me things point blank like "I can’t handle it today I’m sorry (our relationship)". This is actually great communication. But just because I've been selfless a lot in this relationship doesn't mean I'm a saint! I go crazy when he's unavailable. The experience of neglect is so strong that I disregard his boundaries and start fights just so he will text me. I did this just the other day. I am highly disappointed in my actions. Super not cool!!!
He said I was acting entitled and it hurts because I am so alone. I'm devoted to him but he can't do anything for me. I never ever get to be held by him. And I can't hold it against him because he's doing all he can to just stay alive.
So why do I think solo polyamory could help? Well it's all the boundaries which I crave while still keeping open a real avenue for being in eachother's lives as lovers.
It would be an immense relief to not feel guilty for desiring to connect with other people in addition to him. I have never been a jealous person, and I have always had an ability to care for multiple people in unique ways. To me each relationship is unique and I want to be able to honor them all.
I also want my life back. I'm done being his Mom. I'm done waiting around for his American dream fantasy to be realized (where we have a farm and kids and I'm the mother of his children and we're a happy couple who grows old together) That's a really sweet dream but rn I'm 24, devoted to something unfulfilling, and very unhappy.
I truthfully, want out. But I am shackled by guilt and self doubt. And also bound by the dreams we dreamt up together about the future we could share.
I don't think he's really monogamous at all. He's literally not. He has the hugest crush on my best friend (which doesn't bother me at all btw it genuinely makes me feel good). I have a crush on his best friend too and he loves our trio dynamic so much.
Monogamy has hurt us a lot. It's kept me isolated. His jealousy and possessiveness is out of control. He made me cut off everyone I had previously been romantically involved with which was a good portion of the friends I had (we met in one context and then I decided I was only interested platonically but he still felt really threatened because of the history). He lacks support outside of our relationship and only trusts me enough to go to but I literally cannot be the only one holding him it's not sustainable!
He has had two other girlfriends at times we were broken up but he didn't really like them and told me he just wished they were me. He's extremely upset about not living together anymore and frankly I am too, but I left because it was too much.
I am so sick of it and I know he is too. We need a change. I need my autonomy back. I'm tired of feeling shame and guilt for the way I love. I am not monogamous and I know that in my soul. Solo-polyamory calls to me. It's a little scary. I'm scared that without the context of monogamy maybe I will never get to experience cute lovey dovey shit again.
I loved being his girlfriend/boyfriend (I'm NB) in the beginning. It was really fun being his girl/man. I enjoy deeply having a partner like that. But the idea of having to deny my nonmonogamous nature for the rest of my life feels awful. I denied it and pretended it wasn't part of me for him. But I always felt like he could sense the truth. That I was choosing him over everyone else for his comfort and because I believe he deserves to feel chosen/like the only boy in the world. Not because it was natural or fulfilling or truthful for me.
I feel like I've had to make myself smaller for him and deny parts of myself for his happiness. Maybe that's normal but it feels sad to me.
I want my life back, I want my self back. I don't want to feel guilty anymore. And I'm done being codependent with him. But I think that if I could reinvent the way I relate to romantic partners, maybe I could actually salvage this and get back to the roots or true parts of our love.
It would require immense amounts of courage and trust to transform our dynamic and my concern is he isn't ready for something like that. But I feel like it's worth it to give him a chance to decide how he feels about it for himself.
IDK. Am I crazy?? Am I trying too hard to salvage this? I can't walk away until I've tried everything people. I am far too in love with this man. I swear from the bottom of my heart I love him for a reason and he is a beautiful beautiful person and he really does love me fiercely. Seriously we aren't just getting back together for no reason. If you knew us you would get it. Our love is incredibly passionate. Our chemistry is very intense. We have deep deep deep gentle and caring feeling towards eachother. I admire him deeply. Just because we are struggling with monogamy and long distance and both being mentally ill doesn't mean our relationship isnt worth trying to save.

Just wanted to remind everyone that even though it is extremely lonely to suffer with Erythrophobia, you are NOT alone. You are important and you are cared about.
If you struggle with relationships or are too afraid to get in one, I want to tell you that there are SO MANY people out there who DO NOT CARE that you suffer from this. I’ve dated 2 people before my husband and now my husband, NONE OF THEM CARED. That doesn’t mean that everyone will be understanding of it, simply that there is no reason to avoid relationships just because of your fear. There are so many wonderful people out there who will love you for who you are and not care about your blushing.
I was always pleasantly surprised when my relationships got to a point where I basically had no choice but to mention it when I couldn’t hide it any more. My first boyfriend basically said “It sounds like you have anxiety” and then didn’t really seem to think much of it or say anything after that. My second boyfriend, in a supportive way called me blushy (ok that may not be comfortable for everyone but it was his way of calling me cute), and he told me that he understood and didn’t care. He also had a stutter that made him self-conscious, so we each had a quirk and supported the other. Both of those relationships ended due to me being at a different point in my life, but they were both really good people.
Then I met my husband and I remember one of our first times going out to eat I got so red and I don’t even remember what I said but he basically made a joke and said “well I’m colorblind so I don’t even notice”. He still asked me to marry him! I’ve also overheard him explaining it to someone once who asked and he basically just said “she has anxiety and she can’t help it”.
So there is no need to isolate yourself because of this.
And one last thing, EVERYBODY has their own struggle or internal demon of some kind. This one happens to be ours.
You are not alone!
Please feel free to reply with any positive encouragement or stories that you may have! :)

"Snoozydoodles! Get your Snoozydoodles here!" Himiko announced. Some students smiled kindly at her, but continued to walk. Other students scoffed or snorted at her, ignoring her completely. Himiko sighed. "It's no use." Three went up to her.
"Don't give up, Himiko!" she said. "Um...maybe it would help if you gave them a reason to want your cookies."
"What do you mean?" Himiko asked.

"Instead of waiting for customers to buy your cookies, do something to lure them in!" Three suggested. Three spied Kaito and Maki walking towards the school. "Ooo! There's some people! You know them?"
"Yeah, that's Kaito and Maki," Himiko said.
"Maybe there's a way for you to draw them in," Three said. Himiko took a glance at her glittery snickerdoodles, and thought the perfect way to convince one of them. She jumped right in front of Kaito and Maki.
"'Space...the final frontier!'" she announced dramatically. "'These are the travels of the starship, Booby Prize! Its continuing mission to explore strange new galaxies! To look for new life and new civilizations! To boldly go where no one has gone before!'" Kaito's mouth hung agape in amazement.
"Hey! You know the opening sequence to Cosmic Quest! " he exclaimed. "That was pretty good, Himiko!"
"Nyeh...if you liked that, then I think you'd like my Snoozydoodles!" Himiko said, gesturing to her cookies.
"Snoozydoodles?" Maki repeated, raising an eyebrow.
"You made space cookies?!" Kaito shouted excitedly.
"Come see for yourself," Himiko said with a sly grin. Kaito hurried over, pulling Maki along. Maki noticed Three standing next to Himiko's table.
"Who are you?" she asked.
"Just a friend," Three simply answered.
"Whooaaaa!! Maki Roll, look at these cookies, Maki Roll!!!" Kaito shouted, holding up a cookie with both hands. "They look like stars, or somethin!'"
"But, why are they called Snoozydoodles?" Maki asked Himiko.
"Nyeh...I made those cookies special," Himiko explained. "You hafta eat them right before you go to sleep."
"What'll happen then?" Kaito asked.
"You'll have to wait and see," Himiko replied, grinning mysteriously.
"This sounds like a prank Kokichi made up," Maki mumbled skeptically.
"No, it's not a prank, I promise," Himiko assured.
"Ha! I believe her!" Kaito said as Three handed him a small baggie to put his Snoozydoodle in.
"What else is new?" Maki muttered. "But...if Kaito will believe you, I guess I'll be an idiot, too." She and Kaito both paid Himiko ¥500.
"Hey! Did you just call me an idiot?" Kaito said with a frown. Maki merely smiled and rolled her eyes. The two started walking away. "I'm serious, Maki! Is that what you meant?" Himiko turned to Three excitedly.
"Wow! I had customers who weren't my friends!" she squealed.
"Eeee! Yay!" Three said. "You really knew how to handle that guy!"
"It's not hard, really," Himiko shrugged. "All you gotta do is talk about space."
"Well, space is pretty cool," Three admitted, nodding her head. "But, in this case, it's good that that guy's so obsessed with it."
"Nyeh...I think I'm ready to try someone else now!" Himiko said, now feeling energized.
"Look! Here comes a girl! And, wow! She looks really cool!" Three said, pointing to Ibuki, who was skipping her way to the school.
"That's Ibuki," Himiko said. She thought she'd try matching Ibuki's energy. "Nyeh...hiiii, Ibukiiii!!" Ibuki noticed Himiko and went over to her with a big grin.
"Hellooooo, Himikooooo!!" she shouted.
"I hope you like lotsa color and sparkles!!" Himiko said. She was already feeling tired from talking like Ibuki, but she forced herself to keep smiling and talking in Ibuki's overly-cheerful manner.
"Of course! Color and sparkles make the world go 'round!" Ibuki cried.
"Then, how about you try my Snoozydoodles?" Himiko suggested, gesturing to her cookies. Ibuki gasped.
"GAAAASSSSP!!! THESE LOOK SO AMAZING!!!" she cried.
"You want one?" Himiko asked.
"Yeah! Can I have a pink one and a blue one to match?" Ibuki asked, pointing to her arms and hair.
"Nyeh...sure! That'll be ¥1000," Himiko said. Ibuki paid for her cookies, and opened her mouth to take a bite of the pink one. "Wait, Ibuki!!" Ibuki stopped.
"Huh? What's wrong?" she asked.
"Uh...b-before you eat that, you should know that they're called Snoozydoodles because you're supposed to eat them right before you go to sleep," Himiko said. Ibuki's eyes widened.
"Really?!" she exclaimed.
"That's right!" Himiko handed her two baggies. "There you go!"
"Yeee-haw!! I can't wait!!" Ibuki shouted. "Ibuki's so excited to eat these that she might not even be able to sleep!"
That's what you think, Himiko thought to herself.
"Well, thanks, Himiko! Good luck selling your Snoozydoodles!" Ibuki skipped away, leaving Himiko to sigh deeply.
"Hee-hee...she was a ball of energy," Three giggled.
"I know. I don't know how she can stand it," Himiko muttered tiredly.
"Hey, look! More people!" Three said. Himiko turned and spied Fuyuhiko and Peko. She rubbed her palms together.
"Nyeh...I think I know how to get them," she said. "I've always wanted to do this." She sat down on the flat end of school's front entrance's brick banister. She sat up straight, crossed her legs, and stared ahead, stone-faced while curving the corners of her lips downward. Fuyuhiko raised a brow, but smiled curiously as he and Peko slowly approached Himiko.
"Uhh...Himiko? What are you doing?" he asked.
"Fuyuhiko, my boy, thank you for coming here on this very...very important day," Himiko said in a raspy voice as she reached out to straighten Fuyuhiko's suit. Fuyuhiko uttered a small chuckle, realizing that Himiko was trying to imitate Vito Corleone from The Godfather. "Now, listen...I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse."
"Okay, dork, show me what'cha got," Fuyuhiko said, chuckling. Himiko hopped up off the banister. Using her two fingers, she gestured to Fuyuhiko and Peko to follow her.
"Come," she said, still putting on a voice. She gestured grandly to her cookies. "These are the greatest cookies ever known to man. If you were a dope, you'd leave right now. But, you're not a dope, are ya, Fuyuhiko?" Still smiling, Fuyuhiko shook his head in awe.
"No, Himiko, I guess not," he replied. Himiko picked up a cookie.
"Then, here, take a Snoozydoodle," she said before nodding to Peko. "And one for the dame, too." Fuyuhiko handed Peko the cookie, and took one for himself.
"I'll pay for the both of us, Peko," Fuyuhiko offered, and paid ¥1000.
"There's only a minor thing about the cookies," Himiko continued. "You're supposed to eat them right before getting conked." Fuyuhiko smiled quizzically at her.
"Getting conked?! " he repeated.
"Yeah...y'know, in other 'woids,' before youse guys go to sleep," Himiko explained. Fuyuhiko laughed and shook his head.
"Got it," he replied. Himiko handed him and Peko a couple of baggies for their Snoozydoodles. "Thanks, Himiko. Y'know, I can see why Kokichi digs you. You are pretty cute." Himiko blushed.
"Oh, stoooop," she said bashfully, breaking character. "Oh! Um, I mean...Don't call me cute, or it'll be 'coitans' for you, punk." Fuyuhiko laughed again.
"If you say so, Himiko," he said before waving goodbye to Himiko.
Part Ten
Two hours had passed, and Himiko earned a total of ¥9500. She wished she had made more, but it was much better than the day before.
"Nyeh...thanks for helping me out, Keiko," Himiko said with a grateful smile.
"Nooo problemooo!" Three replied. "That was fun! Maybe I can come by next weekend and help out again!"
"Heeey, that's a pretty swell idea for someone who's slacking on the job!" came Kokichi's voice. Himiko and Three turned to see him peering at them from over the brick banister. He walked down the steps and joined them. Himiko and Three glanced at each other frantically.
"B-Boss! I was, um...I-I..." Three stammered. "It's not what it looks like! I was just...dropping by, and I-"
"Yeah, Kokichi! She wasn't helping me, honest!" Himiko chimed in, coming to Three's defense.
"I was just giving her moral support, and maybe some advice," Three said. "But, I promise, I'll go right back to-" Kokichi held up his hand to silence her.
"Very well," he said. "Return to headquarters, Three."
"Okay, boss," Three said, pouting. She dashed off, waving goodbye to Himiko, who waved back. Then, Himiko turned to Kokichi.
"Kokichi? Are you mad at her?" she asked in a small voice. "Are you mad at me, too?"
"I'm not mad at either of you," Kokichi said. Himiko stared back in uncertain silence. "It's not a lie, Himiko. I'm really not mad."
"Oh, but...why do you seem...not happy?" Himiko asked.
"Because Three has business elsewhere," Kokichi replied. "She wasn't supposed to come here."
"Oh..." Himiko said quietly. Kokichi sighed and nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders.
"Seeing as she was assisting the Supreme Lady, though, I'll let it slide this time," he said. "But, I need to have a talk with her about shirking her responsibilities."
"Oh, but...with her support, I made ¥9500," Himiko said, showing Kokichi her earnings. Kokichi's eyes lit up.
"Really?! Way to go, Monkey Buns!" he said, nodding with respect.
"How much did you make?" Himiko asked, afraid to find out.
"Not as much as yesterday," Kokichi said. "Just ¥25000."
"Oh..." Himiko muttered disappointedly. Kokichi held her shoulders firmly.
"Don't be so down, Himiko," he said. "What you earned...it's a start. I'm sure you'll get better later."
"Well, it's just that...I don't understand how you make so much when nearly everybody hates you," Himiko sighed. "And, no matter how much they hate you, they'd still rather buy from you than me."
"Well, even though I'm annoying to most people, I'm always confident in my abilities," Kokichi said. "I know how to give people just the right amount of intrigue. You can do that, too, Monkey Buns! You did make ¥9500 after all! By the way, what advice did Three give you?"
"Well, she said that I should find a way to lure customers in," Himiko said, remembering Three's words. "That I should give them a reason to buy my cookies, rather than waiting around for someone to."
"She's right," Kokichi nodded. "And, how did you do that?" Himiko smiled modestly.
"Well...all I did was recite the Cosmic Quest opening to Kaito, hoping it would interest him enough to try one of my cookies, which kinda looked like outer space," Himiko answered. "Then, I imitated Ibuki as a form of flattery, and then I pretended to be that guy from The Godfather to appeal to Fuyuhiko's 'yakuz-y' nature. Nyeh...he even said I was cute for that."
"Ooo, so you have a crush on Fuyuhiko, now?" Kokichi teased.
"No!!" Himiko cried. "You're already my boyfriend!"
"That's right!" Kokichi said dramatically, wrapping his arms around Himiko protectively and kissing her cheek. "Mwah! You're my Supreme Lady. Mwah! And I love you. Mwah! So very much. Mwah!" Himiko giggled.
"Gross! You're getting your slobber all over me!" she exclaimed. Kokichi blew on her cheek, making a rumbly sound. Himiko laughed even harder. "KOKICHI!!" Kokichi chuckled and kissed her lips.
"I'm proud of you, Himiko," he said, patting her shoulder. "Were they the only customers you had, though?"
"No, Tenko, Angie, and Tsumugi also bought some cookies," Himiko said. "And after Fuyuhiko was Ryoma, Sonia, Celeste, Makoto, Mikan, Miu, and Gonta bought some, as well."
"Heeeey, look at you, being a salesgirl!" Kokichi said, giving Himiko a high five. Himiko blushed bashfully. "Sooo...ready to go?" Kokichi asked her, casually sticking his hands in his pockets.
"Nyeh...yeah," Himiko replied. "I've had enough funny business for one day." Kokichi's smile faded, and frowned.
"Did Three teach you that, too?" he asked. Himiko stood still like a deer in headlights.
"Y-Yeah...why? What's wrong?" she stammered. Kokichi sighed deeply shook his head.
"Three knows better than that. That should only be said to official members of the organization," Kokichi explained.
"Oh! But...I'm the Supreme Lady, I thought," Himiko said.
"Not officially," Kokichi pointed out.
"But...I don't understand," Himiko said, genuinely confused. "You tell me stuff about your organization all the time."
"Only the basic things you need to know," Kokichi said. "But, if you wanna know all the secrets in how we operate, you have to be an official member."
"Oh..." Himiko mumbled. "Nyeh...you really do take your job as Supreme Leader seriously, huh, Kokichi?"
"I do...which is kinda ironic, considering what we do," Kokichi said thoughtfully. "But, if I let everyone act all willy-nilly, the organization would go to pieces. What kind of Supreme Leader would I be if I let that happen?"
"Well, I guess you're right," Himiko said. "But, please, don't be mad at Three, Kokichi. She really helped me!"
"Alright, alright..." Kokichi sighed, holding up his hands in surrender. "But, I do need to have a serious talk with her. Aaaanyhoo, let's get ready to go back home." Himiko nodded, and the two cleaned up Himiko's area.
"Nyeh...I hope they end up liking my cookies," Himiko said on the way home. "Or even bothered to remember not to eat them until right before going to sleep."
"Well...you sold them a pretty interesting cookie, HimiCocoa Bean," Kokichi said. "I'm sure you've intrigued them enough form them to remember. We'll have to wait tomorrow to find out what they thought of them."

Ok so, I’m 15 (16 this year) and uhh yeah there’s this cute girl in my class, and idk if she’s interested in me or not. Yes, I know the usual shit like “laughing at your jokes” or smiling or smth, but I’m kinda the class clown.. everybody laughs. I’m really weird, I crack a lot of dumb jokes and say a lot of dumb shit, swears a lot.. doesn’t seem like I’m an ideal candidate for a boyfriend.
With how obsessed girls are with Kpop bands nowadays, I don’t think I got a chance. So uhh.. how would I know if they like me back? Please give tips. (Sorry for bad English btw, sleep deprived lately)

The people involved (names are changed):
Jake – me
Tom – my flatmate
Kath – Tom’s girlfriend
Emily – Kath’s flatmate
TLDR (but context is very important for how the situation develops):
· Me and Emily get with each other at a party.
· It turns out Kath had forbidden Emily from getting with me. Since Emily went and did it anyway, Kath falls out with her.
· Kath ends her friendship with Emily. Me and Emily continue seeing each other.
· When I plan to go to see Emily at their apartment, Tom tells me that Kath is in a really dark place mentally, and the thought of me and Emily being there together while Kath’s there is triggering her anxiety, so he asks me not to go over.
· Me and Emily follow these instructions for months, while Tom and Kath continue coming and going to either of our apartments as they please.
· Emily eventually gets in touch with Kath to try and understand exactly why me coming over is an issue, since Kath has no problem coming to my place. Kath has a meltdown due to this and it makes her suicidal.
· Tom falls out with me because I knew about the messages that caused his girlfriend to feel suicidal.
(Skip to 'Late April' if you want to go straight to the crux of this post, but I do think it's quite an entertaining read).
Background Context
Me and Tom (both mid-twenties) have lived together in our apartment since I moved to the city last year. I’ve known him for several years and would put him in my inner circle of closest friends, so living with him was all just good chill vibes as expected - or at least it was for the first six months.
I met Tom’s girlfriend of several months, Kath, for the first time pretty soon after moving in. Although she was kind of shy, I thought she seemed nice enough. I noticed that Kath would seem to lean on Tom a fair amount when it came to support for her mental health (she had been diagnosed with anxiety), which of course is normal as her boyfriend. On one occasion, she had a particularly bad anxious episode during a group hangout, with Tom consoling her about it afterwards. Following this, Tom seemed exhausted, saying to me “I’m not a professional, I’m not equipped to deal with all this mental health stuff. She needs help from someone who can adequately help her deal with these thoughts. When she blows things out of proportion and she stresses out to me about her anxiety, it just ends up making my own anxiety worse”. He also said that he had even offered to pay for therapy for Kath, but she didn’t want to accept it.
I just felt bad for Tom, especially since I had some understanding of what he was going through. I had previously had a girlfriend who had anxiety/depression/BPD and put all her mental health issues on me. That girlfriend was also very manipulative and would mention suicidal thoughts any time she started feeling like she was losing control over me (just to be clear, there was no indication that Kath was acting in a manipulative way towards Tom at that point). In my experience, when you end up in a situation where you’re essentially acting as someone’s full-time personal mental health counsellor, it hardly ever ends well.
At some point in January, I met Kath’s “bestie” flatmate, Emily. I remember thinking she was cute, seemed nice and easy to talk to. We all hung out as a group a few times that month and I thought there may have been a little bit of a vibe between me and Emily.
So as you do, I slid into Emily’s DMs and basically let her know I was interested. I messaged her a week or two before our party that her and Kath were coming to, but her response was lukewarm so I just thought she probably wasn’t interested.
For context, I had recently broken up with my girlfriend in January, who had just got back from travelling for the last 6 months. Things in that relationship weren’t great before she even went travelling, and during the months she was away I had come to terms with the fact that it was best to end it. I waited until she was back to say it in person, as I didn’t want to drop that on her while she was travelling and ruin that once in a lifetime experience. However, deep down I knew I had wanted talk to other girls and explore new connections for the last few months, but obviously I didn’t want talk to anyone until it was cleanly over. Me messaging Emily was only a few days after breaking up with her, which I guess isn’t great, but in my head I had been ready to move on for a while, I saw no point in putting an arbitrary time limit on myself. I made sure to explain this context when I messaged Emily so that she was aware of my recent circumstances.
The Party (End of January)
So me and Emily end up getting with each other at the party. Initially, when I brought up me messaging her, she said “I think you’re cute, but I think it’s best we just be friends for the next couple months, since you just recently got out of a relationship, and we can see what happens afterwards”. But as the night went on, I guess Emily changed her mind, because as we kept talking it got increasingly flirty and we ended up getting together. Perfect end to the night, right? Not exactly.
At one point when Emily goes to the bathroom, she comes back into my bedroom saying “Kath is furious at me”. I ask why, and she says that Kath had basically forbidden her from getting with me.
Back when I first messaged Emily, she had of course shown Kath the messages straight away. It turns out Kath for some reason had a really intense reaction to this and was like “I can’t believe he has the audacity to hit on my best friend right after breaking up with his girlfriend! It’s so disrespectful using you as a rebound, it’s disrespectful to his ex and it’s disrespectful to me for hitting on my best friend like this! He was the only one of Tom’s friends that I actually liked but he’s ruined that too now!”.
Apparently, Kath had been used as a rebound before and this was triggering for her, so she didn’t want her best friend to be used as a rebound. She said “you can’t get with him, Emily, that’s my boundary.” Emily was a bit taken aback by the intensity of this reaction and was just a bit like “umm okay…?”. She tried a few times before the party to understand a bit more about why Kath had such a problem with it but didn’t get much further explanation than that.
Now, I agree that Emily was in the wrong for saying to Kath that she wouldn’t get with me and then went and did it anyway, and Emily also acknowledges this. Emily should have said from the start she wasn’t okay with this weird “boundary” Kath had set. It was a bit cowardly. Although given how intensely Kath overreacts to things, I can understand why Emily initially just agreed to whatever she was saying to calm her down. I can also understand how when you’re at a party having fun, drinking and realise that you do actually have a good vibe with the person, in the moment you might change your mind and be like “actually fuck that, who the fuck is she to tell me who I can and can’t get with?”.
Kath saw this as Emily having no respect for their friendship, by choosing some guy she’d just met over her. From Emily’s perspective she was choosing herself, choosing not to follow these nonsensical rules that had been imposed on her, and she was just tired of Kath overreacting to everything and trying to control her.
In my opinion, being this controlling for no good reason is pretty disrespectful in itself. Given that Kath’s reason for telling Emily not to get with me was because she didn’t want her to be used as a rebound…well that’s Emily’s risk to take, isn’t it? I can see how from Emily’s perspective, she knew Kath might not be happy about it, but it’s also not some deep betrayal, since based on the reason Kath gave, the consequence would only be on Emily herself. Emily had the exact same knowledge about my recent relationship status as Kath did, so why did Kath think she can tell her what to do?
As we get to further into this post and the real reason why Kath set this “boundary” is revealed, you will see why I actually think any argument Kath has against Emily for getting with me at the party is automatically void, but we will learn these details as they come.
Start of February
After the events of the party, Kath didn’t want to talk to Emily the next day when she tried to initiate communication via message (Kath tends to avoid in-person confrontation). Fair enough, Emily gave her space. Me and Emily spend the next day together just talking and getting to know each other more, and it’s clear that we vibe together and both feel very comfortable with each other, which is pretty rare for both of us.
I don’t see Tom for the first few days after the party, as he had been staying at Kath’s. When I do, I’m a bit surprised that he didn’t think much of Kath’s reaction at the party. He says “yeah I probably should have warned you about this beforehand”. We both agree that Emily was in the wrong for going back on what she said, but also that Kath shouldn’t have tried to control her like that. He did say “sorry I know this put you in an awkward position”.
A few days after the party, Emily again tries to get in touch with Kath via message.
Emily’s message essentially apologised for her actions, saying she was in the wrong for going back on what she said, and that she should have said from the start that she wasn’t happy with this “boundary”. She also said that Kath shouldn’t have tried to dictate her life and tell her what to do, especially when it’s something that’s none of her business, and that she is going to continue seeing me, taking the risk of being a “rebound”.
Kath’s response essentially said the whole incident at the party was only a small part of why she exploded so intensely, this was just the last in a long line of things Emily had done in the past which she had not forgiven her for. This was just the last straw for Kath because “it hit so close to home, so close to the love of my life”. She wanted things to be civil between them until the end of their tenancy, but this was essentially the end of their friendship.
Okay good, Kath flipping out so badly now finally made a bit more sense to me. Obviously, I wanted to know what Emily had done that was so bad to cause this, as any indicators of bad character would inform whether I choose to keep talking to her.
Emily went through these, explaining that these were incidents from their past that they had discussed at the time, dealt with and moved on from. I have cut these out for the word limit as they don’t add much to this post, but it was the most minor, nonsensical things (I can explain in the comments if anyone wants details).
In any case, I wasn’t particularly interested in what mistakes Emily might have made months or years ago, I was more interested in what her character was like now and going forward.
Early/Mid February
So here’s where the main situation we’re in now starts. For context, Kath and Emily’s apartment is in the city center, close to where both mine and Tom’s offices are, so it would make sense to go over in the evening and go into work from theirs the next morning, as Tom has been doing once or twice a week for the last few months.
It's worth noting that ever since the party right up to the present moment, Emily and Kath have not been interacting at all, avoiding each other in their apartment, only messaging for things like bill payments.
The first time I planned to go stay round Emily’s place was early/mid-February. When I mention this to Tom, he tells me that Kath has been having a really bad time mentally since the party, and the thought of me and Emily being there together triggers her anxiety. He asks me not to go over to their apartment for the next couple of weeks or so while she’s in this particularly bad phase. I don’t really understand what me going over and seeing Emily has to do with Kath’s anxiety (and Tom says he doesn't really understand it either himself), but I say okay fine it’s not that big of deal, I won’t go over for the time being.
Now, a valid question for myself is why I decided to keep seeing Emily, despite knowing that Kath had fallen out with her and therefore knowing it could potentially cause fiction between me and Tom. I don’t think I did anything wrong for several reasons:
· I suppose there’s the general visceral reaction against being told what to do. Like mind your own business, it’s not my fault Kath decided to get involved in my business. Why should she get what she wants when she’s the one being unreasonable? Why should we deny ourselves the opportunity of getting to know someone we seem to vibe with just because Tom’s girlfriend doesn’t like it?
· Before I even knew there was any issue at all, it was already too late; I had already gotten with Emily, they had already fallen out, and Kath already thought I was a dickhead. So what good would it do now to not see each other? Kath already didn’t like me (and she had also previously told me that once she doesn’t like someone, there’s no going back, they’re finished in her mind).
· In the initial first few days after the party, both me and Tom were kind of expecting that Kath’s reaction would blow over in a few days after she had cooled down. How could I have predicted that her reaction would instead continue getting increasingly intense as the situation went on?
· Frankly, I was annoyed at Tom at this point. He knew how Kath had reacted to me messaging Emily, so why did he just bend over and enable his girlfriends’ controlling, unreasonable behavior without question? If it was my girlfriend acting like this generally, I’d be like “why are you getting involved in their business, just let them do what they want?”, and especially so if it was directly affecting one of my close friends.
· Fundamentally, there’s no inherent reason why there had to be any issue at all? Okay Kath has ended her friendship with Emily and might not like that we’re seeing each other, but there’s no need for there to be any continued drama. Obviously we won’t all be hanging out as a four having fun like I had initially hoped, but that doesn’t mean we can’t just exist as adults and be civil? The only reason this continues to be an issue in the first place is because Kath is making it an issue for everyone else involved.
· Finally, I actually like Emily – from the first few days it was clear it wasn’t just going to be a FWB situation. If it felt like more of a superficial FWB situation, then yeah I probably would have just thought it’s not worth the drama, even though I thought Kath was the one in the wrong.
Late February
Over the month of February, me and Emily keep hanging out and getting closer. Whilst I was keeping a very close eye on her for any sign of character flaws (it was still possible that Kath could be in the right, even though her side of it didn’t make much sense to me), the more I got to know her, the more it seemed my initial judgment of her was accurate. I saw how she acted with her other friends, they all seemed to really value and appreciate her. I saw her helping out her friend in need of a fairly large amount of money without a second thought, I saw her going to accompany her friend for a medical scan they had, and generally she was really nice and thoughtful with me. Not exactly the behavior of an inconsiderate person.
Sometime in late February, Emily messages me completely baffled. She couldn’t believe that Kath had invited over a girl from their social circle, Dianne. The reason why this is a bit scandalous is because Kath is always talking shit about Dianne behind her back. And it’s not just “she can be a bit annoying sometimes”, it’s an explicit sentiment of how much she dislikes her, how much of a bad person she is and how much she wants her removed from her life. And she does this frequently, I barely speak to Kath and even I’ve heard her rant about how much she doesn’t like Dianne. So, she’s constantly saying this kind of stuff behind her back, and here she is now inviting her round for tea acting all friendly. I just found that so two-faced and this inevitably shaped my perception of Kath being deceptive.
Not long after I heard about this, Kath was round our place over the weekend. Me, Tom and Kath were heading off to our friend’s housewarming party later that day, with me driving us. At one point when the three of us are all in the kitchen, Kath speaks to me properly for the first time since the party, basically to clear the air. She says she doesn’t want there to be any bad blood between us and that her problem wasn’t with me, it was with Emily. I just say that I was cool with her, I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable with me or when coming over to our apartment, and that the situation between her and Emily was between them and not my business.
I wasn’t entirely convinced with her “clearing the air”, given that I had seen she apparently has no issue with being two-faced, but at the time I thought it was best to stay cool with her for the sake of me and Tom’s friendship and also I didn’t particularly fancy spending the rest of the day and a long car ride with awkward vibes.
End of February
At the end of February, Tom asks me how things are going with Emily and basically advises caution with her. He says that from what he’s seen she’s basically not a good person and she’s generally inconsiderate. I tell him I find that surprising from what I’ve seen of Emily, but I know it’s possible she could have just been putting on a front for the last month. I openly accept this, saying “I want to hear what you have to say, obviously you’re my friend and I respect your opinion”.
Essentially, he doesn’t bring up anything that I hadn’t already been told.
When I question Tom on why Kath thought she was a mind reader and assuming what my intentions were with Emily at the very start of this whole thing, Tom reveals he had since found out that the real reason Kath had forbidden Emily from getting with me in the first place actually wasn’t really to do with me recently breaking up with my girlfriend/using Emily as a rebound (Tom said this was a minor part of the reason, more of an excuse to base it on). It was more that Kath already knew beforehand that she wanted to end her friendship with Emily and was essentially trying to prevent her still being part of her life (i.e. by getting close to her boyfriend’s friend/flatmate).
Now it all made sense why Kath tried to “ban” her from getting with me in the first place. I’m not sure if Tom thought telling me this would make me more sympathetic to Kath’s side of it, but if anything, this deceptive behavior was even more of a red flag to me. As far as everyone (except for Kath) was concerned, her and Emily were best friends. Kath had even said to Emily a couple of weeks before the party that “she was like a sister to her”.
Tom didn’t seem to have much issue with this, saying something along the lines of “yeah I know she shouldn’t have kept all this stuff bottled up, but she doesn’t like confrontation, it makes her really anxious”.
After learning this, I think any argument for Emily being in the wrong for disobeying Kath’s instructions at the party is automatically void: Imagine having the audacity to be like “yeah I know I tried to control you by framing it as me being a protective friend looking out for you, but actually it was really because I wanted to end my friendship with you anyway teehee 😊”. In my view that is just so manipulative. No wonder the reason given to Emily for not getting with me made no sense to her.
When I revealed this to Emily, she said that she had been suspecting that was the case anyway, but it still really hurt to hear it confirmed.
Form her perspective it was like: “So was Kath holding all these grudges all the times I was consoling her for whatever mental health issue she was having at any given time?” (I wonder if Tom was thinking what a bad person Emily was when it was him and Emily staying up till stupid o’clock trying to console Kath who was crying about job applications a few weeks before all this kicked off). There are many other examples of things she had done for Kath in both the recent and more distant past.
Kath also knew that Emily’s best friend had killed herself a few years prior, and after going through the loss of her best friend, Emily had always said she was super hesitant to call anyone her “best friend”. Kath knew about this and still let Emily believe they were best friends, whilst she clearly didn’t really mean it, which I think is quite cruel of her.
Despite what I had seen of Emily so far, I still took what Tom said into account, and continued to watch her carefully.
Mid March
Another couple of weeks pass and given that my last interaction with Kath was her clearing the air with me, I thought everything was now cool between us. I mention to Tom at the start of the week that I’m planning to stay at their apartment later that week and he says “okay cool”. However, later that same evening, he once again asks me not to go over to their apartment. Apparently when he told Kath that I was going over, she started having a panic attack at the thought of me going there.
At this point I’m really started to get frustrated at this situation and again I try to understand exactly what the problem is, because this entire time Kath and Tom have been coming and going to either apartment as they please, so Kath clearly doesn’t have a problem coming to my apartment while I’m there. Tom again says that he doesn’t fully understand it himself, and that Kath doesn’t want to feel this way either, but she’s in a really bad place at the moment and me being there with Emily is really triggering her anxiety.
This makes no sense to me or Emily, because we obviously wouldn’t do anything to make Kath uncomfortable, and from our perspective this is just enabling her dysfunctional way of dealing with this situation.
Even though I still don’t understand what the fuck me seeing Emily has got to do with Kath’s mental health, I’m obviously not going to barge my way into someone’s home when I’m not welcome. So once again, I do as I’m told and say I won’t go over. But I do tell Tom that this situation isn’t going to continue going on like this indefinitely, and to me it feels to me like I’m being walked all over, in the sense of “oh yeah no worries, you two carry on going to either apartment as you please, I’ll just sit here like a dickhead and follow my instructions, don’t worry about it 😊”. He does say sorry and that he knows it’s inconvenient for us, but it's an even bigger inconvenience for Kath.
It’s worth bearing in mind that at this point, I could have responded to this situation by saying that if I’m not welcome at her apartment, Kath is not welcome here (or equally Emily could say to Kath “you can’t bring Tom round”). Whilst yes, it’s a bit petty, I think this would be a completely justified response to prevent a situation where we are being walked all over. Because what would be the alternative? They just carry on doing as they please indefinitely whilst Emily is told she isn’t allowed to have equal use of her own apartment? Now obviously telling your friend that his girlfriend isn’t allowed to come over is really a last resort and would definitely put a big dent in our friendship, and generally I have no desire to control what anyone else does, so of course I didn’t respond in this way.
Despite my frustration at this entire situation, I do feel bad for Tom because I can see how uncomfortable he seems during these conversations with me, he obviously doesn’t want to give me these unreasonable instructions. I can only assume he’s just trying to do whatever he can to keep his girlfriend afloat and prevent her next meltdown. I’ve been there myself dealing with a girlfriend with mental health issues, so I don’t want to actively make things worse for my friend either. However, I’m also worried that it’s likely to get worse for him the more he feeds into it and gets sucked into it.
At this point, the cynical side of me couldn’t help but wonder if Kath was being a bit manipulative and leaning into all the mental health stuff to maintain control of the situation.
· She seemingly is unable to give a reason for exactly why me and Emily being in her apartment makes her so uncomfortable. To me, this was completely indistinguishable from her just hating the fact that we’re together.
· All this reminds me of exactly the same kind of manipulative behavior I saw with that ex-girlfriend.
· She’s shown she has no problem with being intentionally deceptive – maybe if the entire basis of this situation hadn’t started off with Kath being manipulative she would have a bit more credibility in my eyes.
I know this kind of behavior is often not even intentional, and that it can be subconscious where the person doesn’t even realise they’re being manipulative.
(Still Mid March)
Now we get to the part that pisses me off the most in this whole situation. Only a few days after that conversation with Tom, for some reason Kath comes to stay in our apartment for the weekend while Tom was away at a house party. As in, it’s just me and Kath in my apartment.
Personally, I couldn’t imagine having the nerve to say to someone they aren’t welcome in my home because their presence triggers me, and then only a mere few days later actively choosing to go stay the weekend at their place while it’s just us two in the apartment. Like either my presence triggers you or it doesn’t?
Now to be fair, Tom had asked me a week or two beforehand if Kath could come to our apartment to hang out with someone from our friend group while he was away, and I said that was cool. Anyway, those plans fell through, but Kath still came over by herself.
But the main thing that pissed me off about this is that Tom, after knowing that I was already feeling like I was being taken for a mug in this situation, apparently didn’t even think it was worth bothering to check with me if it was still cool with me that Kath came round, given our conversation a few days prior.
If he’d at least checked in like, “I know it’s a bit weird that she’s coming to stay round by herself after having just said that your presence triggers her anxiety”, I still would’ve said okay, because I have no desire to control what anyone does. But it was just the fact he didn’t seem to care, saying “btw Kath is gonna stay here tonight” moments before leaving to his party.
To me it felt like he had spent the last month or so basically giving me instructions to make sure everyone caters to his girlfriend’s feelings, and yet didn’t give the slightest consideration to how this would make me feel. Part of me was thinking does he even see me as a friend or just as an inconvenience to his relationship at this point?
I spoke to Tom in the week following this, expressing how I had felt about Kath staying round. He did apologise and acknowledged he could’ve checked in with me, but he didn’t really seem to understand why her coming over like that was such a kick in the teeth for me. He said Kath doesn’t have a problem with me, it’s only a very specific situation that triggers her (i.e. me and Emily being in her apartment together).
Again I try to understand exactly why it’s a problem. Ever since the party, Emily’s presence in their apartment has consisted of her quietly staying in her room, quickly cooking her food and going straight back to her room. She doesn’t spend 2 hours in the kitchen making food like Kath and Tom sometimes do when he’s there.
Tom again says he doesn’t fully understand it himself. From what he understands, it’s triggering because her home is her safe space and if we’re both there it’s like there’s two hostile presences in that safe space. He reiterated that she is in a very dark place at the moment, and that she’s been having frequent panic attacks and suicidal thoughts.
Tom then says that Kath would be prepared to leave the apartment if me and Emily wanted to meet there, and Kath would basically get out of the way and come to me and Tom’s apartment instead. This did give me a bit more confidence that Kath wasn’t just purposefully making things difficult.
If Kath genuinely meant this, then of course that’s really appreciated, but I’m obviously not going to make her leave her own home and come all the way to ours to then have a 2 hour commute to her work. It’s so over the top and needless. I think that this clearly isn’t a functional solution going forward. What if one day when we want to meet up, Kath has had a long day at work and doesn’t feel like leaving her apartment (obviously, fair enough!), what if she’s got plans with friends in her apartment that evening? In any case, it’s still a situation where rules are being imposed on us, I can never just spontaneously decide to go see Emily one day after work or something. We still can’t come and go freely in the same way they have been doing for the past two months. It would be much better to understand why exactly it’s such a problem and see how we’re going to find a long-term solution, instead of Kath just running away from it.
The cynical side of me was wondering if Kath was just saying this knowing that neither me or Emily are realistically going to make her leave her own home, and if we do agree to it, then she can say “oh look how inconsiderate they are, making me leave my own home just so that they can be in the apartment”, ensuring that she keeps Tom firmly on her side.
Logically, I would’ve thought as time goes on, Kath would eventually get used to the situation and just accept it. Conversely, is it not quite understandable that the longer we have rules imposed on us, the more frustrated we become?
Once again say that I won’t go over and tell him that I won’t press this issue for the time being.
Late April
So now we get to the latest development in the situation, which is the crux of this post.
For the next month or so after that conversation with Tom, me and Emily have just been following our instructions and not pressed anything, whilst they continue coming and going as they please. One weekend we’re talking about the whole ‘Kath situation’ and we say “okay we’ve left it for a while now, it’s probably time to see how we’re going to move forward with this”.
In that next week, Emily sends Kath the following message:
“Hey, I appreciate this message might be uncomfortable but we need to discuss the fact that Jake can’t come here while you’re at home because I know that him and Tom have spoken about this but we’ve never addressed it with each other and I think it’s unfair that they’ve been largely absorbing this conflict this whole time. Can you please tell me what the exact problem would be and how we could make it work? At the end of the day we both pay equal rent here and I should be allowed to bring someone over, especially considering that Tom comes here whenever you want. We’re nothing more than just 2 housemates now and if you were living with a stranger from Spareroom such restrictions couldn’t have existed. I think I’ve let it slide and should have addressed it earlier, but it’s time we come up with a fair solution and I’d like to know if there’s anything reasonable we can do. I don’t want to go into other conversations about our fallout cause that’s done and dusted now, I want to strictly address this issue. Would you like some notice before he comes? I can’t always guarantee how far in advance I can let you know but I will do my best to give you enough time.”
Kath’s response:
“hey, I do not really appreciate this conversation being brought up 2 days before my birthday and I wish we can settle it today and not drag it on. And I do not appreciate you using Tom as a weapon to guilt trip me either. Please let me know if he is coming over tonight so that I can go somewhere else. As u probably already know I am in a really bad place at the moment and being in the apartment with both of you makes me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe. I’m already struggling to be there and I have been discussing with the agency about terminating the contract early, the terms have only been made clear to me today so I was going to message you about it. By paying a fee of £660 (£330 each) we can terminate the contract 12^th of June and I wish u will consider this. I will be gone from the apartment for 2 weeks. I would really appreciate it if you do not bring him over in the next few days as I said it will be my birthday and I will be gone for 2 weeks after if you decide to do so after this, please let me know at least 2 days in advance so that I can leave (pack clothes and everything), but do not take advantage of this as it is extremely difficult for me to commute to work – it takes me 2 hours on the bus”
Emily’s response to this:
“I don’t appreciate you using your birthday as a “weapon” to paint me as an inconsiderate person once again as you’re saying you were going to message me anyway about terminating the contract. You always have Tom round without any notice, without ever considering if it was ever uncomfortable for me given what’s happened - but now you expect me to organise our schedule around you? We can’t ever do something spontaneous or simply make plans the day before? Jake won’t be coming tonight or in the next few days until you’re away. I was hoping we could talk about why exactly this makes you uncomfortable and unsafe as it’s quite clear we wouldn’t interact with you or do anything to purposely upset/annoy you. You also had no problem being in his apartment with him without Tom there, so clearly his presence must not be that big of a problem. I am going to get back to you about terminating the contract as I have to figure out where I would go, but I’d love nothing more than to leave this apartment as early as possible too.”
There was no response after Emily’s second message.
Tom comes back to our apartment the next day and ignores me all day until the evening when he asks “Did you know that Emily was going to send those messages?”.
I say “Yes, obviously?”. He responds with “Right, okay” and starts walking back towards his room.
I ask him what was wrong with the messages, and he comes back and says “what the fuck is Emily doing sending messages like that to my suicidal girlfriend?”. He essentially thought the tone of the messages, the proximity to Kath’s birthday and the fact that we’re once again bringing up this issue of me coming round was out of order. He also said that Emily’s 2^nd message was implying that she was just going to bring me round without any notice anyway (looking at the message, no it wasn’t? It was just highlighting the unfairness of Kath expecting us to organise our schedule around her? None of the messages say that I’m going to come over, they are essentially just trying to understand exactly why it makes Kath uncomfortable).
We also did note that it was Kath’s birthday on the Friday (messages were sent on Tuesday). Maybe that wasn’t ideal, but we thought what real difference does it make? This is nothing new, it’s the same situation that’s been ongoing for the last 3 months anyway (and personally, I thought that up until the moment Kath says “okay sorry, I shouldn’t have imposed rules on you” then she shouldn’t expect that this won’t be brought up to her?).
I was a bit shocked at how angry he was and explained that we’re just trying to understand exactly what her issue is, because it still doesn’t make any sense to us. I bring up the general point about Kath imposing rules on people and expects everyone to cater to her feelings, whilst zero consideration has been given to how Emily has felt over the last 3 months, when not only does it make her uncomfortable as well that there are two “hostile presences” in her home, but especially given that those hostile presences have told her she’s not allowed to have equal use of her apartment she also pays rent for.
Tom responds with “but it’s not making Emily feel suicidal is it? Kath was having convulsions on the fucking bed last night after those messages. Why do you keep focusing on this tiny issue of coming to the apartment when my girlfriend is literally suicidal? She’s already said she’d make arrangements to leave the apartment for when you want to come over, and yet you keep pressing the issue and triggering her further”.
In that moment I was a bit taken aback and didn’t have much of a response. I kind of just sat and processed that for a few minutes, thinking “fuck, have I actually been in the wrong this whole time?”. Tom looked exhausted and stressed out, he must have been dealing with Kath’s meltdown the whole of the night before.
I say to Tom “tell Kath not to worry about me coming over while she’s there, I’m not going to, I’ll just leave it for good and won’t press this issue anymore”. Tom doesn’t give much of a response, but I think he says “I appreciate it”. He leaves for his two-week holiday shortly after.
I felt really bad that evening, thinking I had caused Tom to have to deal with whatever horrible meltdown because of me pressing this issue. Maybe I had been overly cynical of Kath, and she genuinely was just trying her best and not meaning to be manipulative.
When Tom got back from his holiday, he basically confirmed our friendship is over because I had known about those messages that caused his girlfriend to feel suicidal.
I’ve thought about the situation a lot since he left for his holiday:
· Looking back at the messages Emily sent, I think the tone is completely fine? Every single person I’ve shown the messages to has said they are actually quite kind and empathetic, and way nicer than they need to be given Kath’s behavior over the last 3 months.
· Tom’s reaction was essentially “how dare Emily have the audacity to ask for a reason why she hasn’t been allowed to have equal use of her own apartment for the last 3 months!”
· It’s true that Tom had mentioned that Kath had been having some suicidal thoughts a month prior, but I didn’t know that this would directly impact that, especially since I thought the message was quite nice and sensitive. Just the weekend before this Tom and Kath were out clubbing, having fun and they were going on holiday later that week. So obviously I didn’t realise she was still feeling so bad. How could anyone expect that simply asking the question of “why does this make you so uncomfortable” would result in this reaction.
· As soon as I did realise how intensely Kath had reacted, and what Tom had had to deal with as a result, I backed off straight away, saying that she doesn’t have to worry, I’m not going to press it anymore.
· Realistically, if this is how Kath reacts to being asked for basic fairness, then I think really she needs to be in a mental health crisis centre or hospital, not just carrying on with everyday life as if everything is fine, and certainly not in a situation where she’s imposing rules on people.
· At the end of the day, Kath’s mental health is not my responsibility, nor is it Tom’s responsibility. I think it’s unfair of Kath to have made it his problem to such a large degree.
Logically, I don’t think I’m in the wrong, and yet Tom’s reaction to this makes me feel like I’m going crazy. That’s why I wrote out everything’s that’s happened from start to finish to “audit” myself and evaluate each of my actions throughout the entire situation. I’ve looked back and don’t think I’m in the wrong for anything I’ve done. The only explanation I can think of is that Tom has been so deep in all of Kath’s mental health stuff 24/7 that he’s just not thinking clearly about this situation.

Edit: DO NOT message me a simple hi or hello, with no information about you, Put some effort in to your message like i have, come on. Day+Attempt#189
Hello everyone, Thank you for taking the time to read, I know its long, I know - I know. But its worth the read, Trust me. I appreciate you immensely.
Here's a bit about me,
My name is Jay, I live on the East coast of the US. I'm looking for love - like everyone else on here.., but you may not believe or even be doubtful that I've never had a GF before with me being 26, but its true. I'm simply just not willing to "be with" just anyone and I'm very picky. I want us to be a match, more than just have similar things in common.
One thing I have always been told is that I'm a "Real Catch, I'd be extremely lucky to have someone like you" - WELL THEN TAKE ME. I'M FREE. LOL.
About me:
Physically -
~I'm a semi-tall guy, around 5'10.
~I'm thin but muscular.
~I have dirty blonde/ brown hair.
~Changing colored eyes.
~A voice nice enough to melt all your safeguards and get right into your heart and weak spots.
~I do not have any tattoos or piercings. Though I would like to get some eventually.
If you'd like to see a picture of me just ask and I'll show you - IF I may see you as well, I simply just don't want a picture of me out there for anyone to see.
-If there's anything else you'd like to know just ask.
Otherwise -
~I do have 3 pet bunnies I would be more than happy to show you, they are extremely cute.
~I'm a very honest and down to earth guy.
~I'm very patient and easy going.
~I'm very curious and inquisitive. I will try to ask everything I can to learn all about you haha.
~I'm Very VERY Kind & Caring, I will probably ask how you are feeling a bajillion times a day, simply out of care for you.
~I can get pretty clingy, and will always want your attention and to be talking with you. If i have someone im interested in i wont want to talk to anyone else🤷‍♂️
~I'm very trustworthy - you can confide in me, and entrust your deepest secrets and I wont tell a soul.
~I'm a HUGE hopeless romantic, im old fashioned and will always try to impress you.
- I'm, a BIG softie even though I may look a smol bit intimidating, but I'd do just about anything to see you smile or laugh. And yes.., I do mean anything.
~I'm a big goof - I will get up to some silly shenanigans ALL the time, I will crack dumb jokes and send you memes and tik toks just to make you happy, even if its from across the room I'd wait to see your reaction lol.
~I'm extremely loyal, and would never even think of cheating.
~I will cook for you, and clean up too, even around the house, I'm very self productive and don't ask for much. Just don't forget to kiss the cook.
~I'd also love to just cuddle up and watch a movie or read a book together, anything to get us closer. Id try to take you out on dates whenever possible haha. I have a million SUPER romantic date ideas I have but have never had anyone interested enough in me to take out. Here's your chance ;)
~I will always want to share stuff I find interesting with you, and try to share every moment of every day with you. I'm not looking for someone who can only talk for a small amount of time, I want someone who's willing to put in all the effort I put into them back into me, it goes both ways. If I'm "with" someone you are my TOP priority nobody and nothing else would be. You would be the only person I'd truly want to talk to, so rest assured I would NEVER cheat, even more so because no one is interested in me - Hence why I'm here hahaha.
I'm sure there is more to me than this snippet but I cant think of more at the moment haha, so get to know me and find out more about me.
Some of my interests are: Engineering- I'm a nerd. I admit it. I love being technical and hands on, I love building things. All kinds of things, from furniture, machinery, and reverse engineering anything I find. I love learning how things work and trying to improve things.
Music - I prefer music with a very fast pace, or with some very meaningful lyrics I can relate to. I love to sing along to music and songs that have a deep meaning behind it I can sympathize with makes it all the better. Some bands I like are: Bad Omens, Beartooth, Demon Hunter, MIW, I9K - The list goes on. I'm a bit of a metalhead unfortunately.
TV Shows & Movies - I love watching shows, and I'd love to stream some shows and have some E-dates with you, to get to know you, or if you are close to me, maybe we could do it in person. Some shows I like or more of the Fantasy/Sci-Fi, Comedy, Action, stuff like: National Treasure, Halo, BattleBots, Rick and Morty, AHS, Anything Marvel or DC, The Witcher, Wednesday, The Sandman, The Magicians, The Umbrella Academy, ETC.
Gaming - Yes yes I know, Basic guy likes basic stuff. But gaming has been a thing for me since forever. I know most of you wont care or want to hear that, but I'll leave out the specifics on this part unless you are interested in that, MEGA Bonus points if you are.
Here's a lists of Cons to dating me-
~I'm not Ryan Reynolds. Disappointing, I know.
~I will fight you on what goes on pizza lol.
~I'm not rich.., Yet.
~I can't pronounce Worcestershire.
~I'm slightly forgetful, but with good reasoning.
~(Not really a con but- some might disagree) I still have ALL of my firsts, Do with that what you will c:
~I've got an endless pile of love and affection and no one to give it to! What a dilemma! Help me fix it?
Other than that I'll save the rest for a bit more of getting to know each other.
Here's a bit of what I'm looking in you:
~Preferably someone with lots of free time, and loves to chit chat. I'm seriously not interested in getting 1 message a day. Though I understand people get busy, I personally am not willing to try to learn about you and form something with 7 responses a week. Effort gets reciprocated and I appreciate the time you put in me.
~Physically: -I’m not personally attracted to anyone who’s “curvy/ chubby”, I apologize. Not a shallow thing, I just dont have the attraction chemical in my brain for that, I’m sorry. -If you’re shorter than me, thats a plus to me. -I love dimples, if you have those when you smile, bonus points 😊 - I’m not sure what else to put.., but as for nsfw wise find out😂
~I'm a sucker for a different accent other than American, and if you have an Posh English accent you have already won my heart.
~I'm also only really looking for someone within the ages of 18-35. I don't want anyone old enough to be my mom lol.
~I'd prefer (But not a must) people NOT on the other side of the world, as other time zones SUCK. I don't expect to find anyone who also has never had a boyfriend either, but that would be a real plus. I also don't mind a LDR, but I don't want that forever. But it gives us time to get to know each other.
But as for attributes I'm looking for in you:
~Someone who is above all else very very Loyal and would never cheat.
~Someone who is Honest, and will tell me the truth over a little white lie.
~Someone who is Kind & Caring, who'd constantly check on me, and accept me for who I am & help me improve day to day.
~Someone who is trustworthy, and I can count on to keep my secrets safe, or even just help me remember things.., I do tend to be somewhat forgetful.
~Someone who is very Patient and wants to see me succeed and will help me do so, just like I would help you. Even if its small day to day things, I would appreciate your company ANY time.
~I want a partner who is Affectionate, can reciprocate, and loves to snuggle and talk about their day, and what their interests are, and what makes them happy.
~Someone who can admit they get clingy or overprotective is a bonus.
~A partner with good communication is key, if something wrong we have to be able to talk about it.
~A partner who likes to game with me or at least watch me play would be a plus but not a requirement.
~Someone with a good sense of humor and like to joke around, I am a big goof after all and I love to joke around. Sending memes is always appreciated and good to cheer people up too!
~I'd prefer someone with the same music taste, but not a requirement, Plus if you wouldn't mind if I send you love songs occasionally that's a bonus, or sending me some back haha.
~Being willing to voice call is a must, Texting forever is not the way to go. I have to know what your voice is like haha, later on we can video call if you are comfortable with that. I prefer chatting on Discord because Reddit messages of any kind I'm sure you know are unreliable and sucky in general. So please send me your discord if you have one :)
~I would LOVE to see picture of your pets if you have any. Bonus points if it includes your beautiful self haha.
I'm sure there is more I'm looking for but I cant think of it right now haha, I will have to edit this when I think of it.
Please tell me about you as an opener! I told you a good bit about me, now its your turn haha.
Tell me some things like -
~What's your name?
~Where are you from?
~How old are you?
~What are your hobbies / interests?
~What about my post interested you?
~Where is my TV Remote?!
~Selfie? Pet pics?
~Hit me with your best joke or meme :)
~What's your favorite candy?
I'd LOVE to get to know you, and see where things go.
But yeah, I know it was long I'm sorry haha. Send me a message and lets get to know each other! :)

To preface one thing - this is in Singapore, I am half singaporean and half thai, I have no close friends or family members around here, but I study here.
So after many years of dating and many quite one sided and manipulative relationships with guys and after 3 months of being single I finally got into relationship with my GF. First time trying lesbian dynamic. I felt it would be very different, she would understand me more and was less demanding of me and of course less physical and simply more harmonious, since, you know it's a fellow woman.
I was also taking it slow and we had like dozen dates before getting entangled officially couple months ago. She is quite lovely and well educated, slightly older than me, somewhat exotic looking around here and it felt we are becming good friends.
When we finally hooked up she had to guide me a lot because it's indeed quite different dynamic than with a guy but that was fine, I guess and she seemed to even enjoyed and would joke about how I was lesbian virgin and she can shape me to be suited for her. Which I thought at the time was cute.
Long story short I recently finally moved in with her and that was a mistake. I've been at her place most of the time we would hang out because my place was really tiny. Right after I moved in I was just in a span of week introduced to basically a laundry list of chores I should do and at the time I thought alright we pull this together right, but we didn't. After next couple weeks I realised (for the first time ever) that I am doing the same chores I would be doing for my former boyfriends and I started to feel, yet again, more as a maid with benefits. This time I had courage to voice that to my GF and she would apologise and be all sweet about how she didn't realise and that would coo me for another week, but no changes would actually happen. Only now I think it's been manipulative.
Since I am a university student and a "gym bunny" I have less free time than one would expect and suddenly it was filled mostly by coming home doing chores before going to gym and then coming from gym and my GF would be still up and then she would be demanding for attention, mostly in bedroom. This is when I've also noticed that while guiding me in bedroom she never seemed eager to pleasure me in return unless I would specifically ask and so for days I tried not to ask and suddenly it was super one sided bedroom stuff and she seemed perfectly fine with that. That stung because it immedaitelly reminded me of my last 3 boyfriends where it was the same.
I held a lot of this in, trying to keep being disciplined and do all she'd like me to do and chores and everything more and better in hopes of her seeing more value in me. But it simply didn't happen, not over course of two plus weeks.
Well this weekend I was using her ipad, where she always logged off out of all social and communication apps when she wasn't using. I always thought it's a like... internet safety thing in case the device gets hacked or something. But this time her whatsapp and wechat was logged in and I simply discovered that while I am at school and she's "working" from home she's hooking up at least once a week with guys. Or at least mostly with guys I wasn't in the mood to read into too much detail, seeing texts of your presumeably loved sending very intimite and heartfelt texts to guys and reacting to their D pics and sending stuff back... I felt betrayed but so far I haven't said anything and the routine contiues to my own detrement.
From doing gymnastics on higher level for 10+ years I'm used to some discipline and manners that would now be probably consider abuse, but what I learnt from that was to be quiet a lot not to cause conflict and please people. Despite my previous relationships with guys being basically abusive it was eventually always them to dump me, I never had the guts to do it yet (not counting middle school lol). This time I recognize the problem and I would like to end things but at the same time I moved too soon (in hindsight) and have nowhere to go at the moment.
And so for weeks I felt like maid and for 4-5 days now I feel more like bang maid who's also stupid and naive and I couldn't contemplate a good .. like escape plan, that's why I am making this post. In the meanwhile I continue the same old routine unable to almost meet my GF's eyes, yet she seem strangely not noticing any change and looking quite happy. On top of that you probably can guess how I feel being at school, knowing there's a decent change she's out hooking up. It just all crushing my selfesteem yet I feel stuck in the routine and my head.
TLDR: GF is cheating, doesn't know I know, because I am scared to confront her since I have nowhere to go if I'd move out.

I hate my life, I wish someone loved me. Not pretend to love me. Or only when it’s convenient.
I am alone and I blame everyone else for it, yet it’s my fault.
I am alone because I have no girlfriend nor friends. I have a great family yet it isn’t enough. I value them, but my thoughts and experiences grow worse over time. It isn’t enough. I need another type of love.
I am alone and I feel alone all the time. The only reason I don’t feel alone is because of school and a job I barely work. I have a lot of ‘friends’ who think they are there for me, but aren’t. They pretend to be and only talk to me when they need something. An example, I was friends with a girl for one year and we were talk a lot we flirted and then she ghosted me and then she got a boyfriend and all of a sudden she turned out like all the others. I wish I had a girlfriend. I am so tired of people saying that. I wish I was good looking. I wish that I had that. Let me tell you something, if every time you met someone and you asked them to hang out and be your best friend/girlfriend and they told you ‘oh sorry, no but you can find it in somebody else’, if everyone tells you that it’s a cycle and you will never ever get it; that’s the issue I’ve had for the past four years. I just want affection. I’m tired of feeling this way.
I reach out in college. At work. Attempt to make friends. I bet whatever solution is to be told, I’ve fucking tried it. Maybe I’m meant to be this way. Wow. That sounded so corny. But it feels the truth. I’ve broken out of my shell and went into it multiple times. I think the longest streak I’ve had being myself and loving life was two years until I was told I wasn’t good looking and would be this way forever, and even if I didn’t let that get to me, in that entire year, I felt alone.
I don’t want to live my life like this. Some days I want to block all the ‘friends’ who say they’re there for me, but they aren’t. I wanna be an asshole but I can’t. I have no friend group. I have no true friends. Nobody ever reaches out to me. Sometimes I want to die. But I don’t mean. 1% out of 99% I do. Other times, I want them to love me and care for me. But I know you can’t force that on someone, so why don’t I just get rid of them first good? Block them. Unfriend them. They pretend to care yet love another and love others. They only care for me because they don’t want my death on their conscious. Honestly, that’s how I feel.
All I want is for someone to love me.
And I’m jealous, envious, and cocky. I used to not be, I’ll admit that. I used to selfless and always care for others and be kind, and then realty I stopped. Two years of me just being a kind man, and getting nothing out of that. See? Look how selfish that sounds.
I was born to live and enjoy life. Not to be other people’s pleaser. To not be your rebound. To not be your convenience friend. To not be someone you can talk to every 6 months when you feel pity for me because you’re the one who made me feel the way I am.
I feel like I know the solution. Suck it up. Cherish what I have. Be the better man. But what if I don’t wanna be? I’ll be left behind and cast out. Or maybe, I’m just rambling. I’ve never been so 50 / 50 split of getting rid of all of those people, telling them the truth (what I say here), or not.
What do I do? Get rid of them? Ignore it all? Be a better person? Suck it up? I truly don’t know. So many things.

To preface one thing - this is in Singapore, I am half singaporean and half thai, I have no close friends or family members around here, but I study here.
So after many years of dating and many quite one sided and manipulative relationships with guys and after 3 months of being single I finally got into relationship with my GF. First time trying lesbian dynamic. I felt it would be very different, she would understand me more and was less demanding of me and of course less physical and simply more harmonious, since, you know it's a fellow woman.
I was also taking it slow and we had like dozen dates before getting entangled officially couple months ago. She is quite lovely and well educated, slightly older than me, somewhat exotic looking around here and it felt we are becming good friends.
When we finally hooked up she had to guide me a lot because it's indeed quite different dynamic than with a guy but that was fine, I guess and she seemed to even enjoyed and would joke about how I was lesbian virgin and she can shape me to be suited for her. Which I thought at the time was cute.
Long story short I recently finally moved in with her and that was a mistake. I've been at her place most of the time we would hang out because my place was really tiny. Right after I moved in I was just in a span of week introduced to basically a laundry list of chores I should do and at the time I thought alright we pull this together right, but we didn't. After next couple weeks I realised (for the first time ever) that I am doing the same chores I would be doing for my former boyfriends and I started to feel, yet again, more as a maid with benefits. This time I had courage to voice that to my GF and she would apologise and be all sweet about how she didn't realise and that would coo me for another week, but no changes would actually happen. Only now I think it's been manipulative.
Since I am a university student and a "gym bunny" I have less free time than one would expect and suddenly it was filled mostly by coming home doing chores before going to gym and then coming from gym and my GF would be still up and then she would be demanding for attention, mostly in bedroom. This is when I've also noticed that while guiding me in bedroom she never seemed eager to pleasure me in return unless I would specifically ask and so for days I tried not to ask and suddenly it was super one sided bedroom stuff and she seemed perfectly fine with that. That stung because it immedaitelly reminded me of my last 3 boyfriends where it was the same.
I held a lot of this in, trying to keep being disciplined and do all she'd like me to do and chores and everything more and better in hopes of her seeing more value in me. But it simply didn't happen, not over course of two plus weeks.
Well this weekend I was using her ipad, where she always logged off out of all social and communication apps when she wasn't using. I always thought it's a like... internet safety thing in case the device gets hacked or something. But this time her whatsapp and wechat was logged in and I simply discovered that while I am at school and she's "working" from home she's hooking up at least once a week with guys. Or at least mostly with guys I wasn't in the mood to read into too much detail, seeing texts of your presumeably loved sending very intimite and heartfelt texts to guys and reacting to their D pics and sending stuff back... I felt betrayed but so far I haven't said anything and the routine contiues to my own detrement.
From doing gymnastics on higher level for 10+ years I'm used to some discipline and manners that would now be probably consider abuse, but what I learnt from that was to be quiet a lot not to cause conflict and please people. Despite my previous relationships with guys being basically abusive it was eventually always them to dump me, I never had the guts to do it yet (not counting middle school lol). This time I recognize the problem and I would like to end things but at the same time I moved too soon (in hindsight) and have nowhere to go at the moment.
And so for weeks I felt like maid and for 4-5 days now I feel more like bang maid who's also stupid and naive and I couldn't contemplate a good .. like escape plan, that's why I am making this post. In the meanwhile I continue the same old routine unable to almost meet my GF's eyes, yet she seem strangely not noticing any change and looking quite happy. On top of that you probably can guess how I feel being at school, knowing there's a decent change she's out hooking up. It just all crushing my selfesteem yet I feel stuck in the routine and my head.
TLDR: GF is cheating, doesn't know I know, because I am scared to confront her since I have nowhere to go if I'd move out.

I feel headachey and tired today but my mood feels better than yesterday so that’s good!
We were in the middle of a conversation last night, he had me utterly soaked and losing my mind and then it went silent and I couldn’t hear him and when I tell you the timing could not have been worse I am not kidding. Except it turns out he could still hear me, which I felt embarrassed about later because I was basically being a little whimpering mess because I assumed he couldn’t hear anything either like he normally can’t. So anyway now he must know he’s baby because I was saying things like baby come back and where are you like an absolute idiot. I think my brain cells lessen even more so when I’m in that frame of mind. Wait and so that means he’d already cum and was over the whole thing and I didn’t know and I kept going, and he kept like… encouraging it with the dirty stuff he was saying. That’s kind of embarrassing that he was just sat there twiddling his thumbs and there I was sounding so stupid. He’s so sweet.
I’ve decided the middle-ish bit of the miss murder song sounds like Jeff Buckley for a little bit, not the voice but the music bit. Only briefly. Anyway my poppunky phase has still returned, I feel 14 again listening to the used and stuff, what a time. I’ve only saved the main big ones to this new playlist though, I know I’m forgetting a bunch of not top 40 kinda ones but whatever these are scratch my lil itch. I’m also just having a lil nostalgic phase with that playlist - it’s wild how much my music taste has changed… but also stayed the same? I loved the klaxons back then, I’m listening to them again and I still like them, and I’m remembering lyrics when I forgot said song even existed. Maybe that’s why I remember nothing from school, because my head is filled with useless lyrics. Good one, brain. Or Simian Mobile Disco? Entirely forgot they existed. I never forgot about the yeah yeah yeahs though, I have succcchhhhhhhh a vivid memory of listening to them while walking around some suburb in Brisbane while we were visiting my aunty and uncle, I think I was 14 or 15, and I was wearing a white tshirt because I remember it started pouring down and it went see through and I felt super embarrassed. But it was night time, or like after dinner time, and I was just going on a stroll cause idk I was a teenager and probably wanted some space to be my angsty self. I remember my uncle had a movie room, not really but he called it that, and it had bean bags and stuff and he had all the HP movies, or at least whatever was out by then. And now I’m day dreaming about how I was a couple cities away from my honey, except what’s the bet he would take one look at 14/15 year old me when he was like 18/19 and be like ew get away from me you little creep. Anyway. Le Tigre were big for me. Xray spex too, the intro to oh bondage up yours still to this day haunts my mind. I listened to that germ free adolescent album a lot at one stage. I’ve just listened to a bunch of it now and I still like it a lot. I have to say the more my mood has dropped and my anxiety increased over the years the more subdued music I listen to, I wonder if it’s connected? Because I used to listen to a lot of… busy music, let’s say. Whereas now it stresses me out sometimes, and I wonder if it’s because there’s too much at once and that doesn’t mesh well with an already hectic head. Omg and MGMT, I had a biggggggg phase of them. I genuinely wanted to marry the curly haired one, I thought everything about him was so dreamy. I want to say his name is Andrew from memory, lucky me getting an even better Andrew! It’s weird to think of Andy as an Andrew, I mean ultimately he’s honeybunny or baby but he’s also Andy. And his friends don’t even call him that? I’m obviously not writing what that name is here. I think it’s so so cute that his friends kid calls him that too, or tries to. Anyway he’s just baby. I think I say the same stuff in these journals all the time.
I feel a lot of relief knowing I have no more things on til July. I’m proud of myself though, it was technically homework for therapy - to do things that make me happy. Outside of the house, around people I mean. And so she asked what I would do if I was “normal” and one of them was go to things like the ballet and plays, things I miss out on because I’m too scared. So we agreed I would go to a couple and I did!! Homework: achieved. She was really proud of me when I said the events I had coming up, I know that sounds so pathetic and stupid but I’m definitely someone that needs to hear that praise and stuff. I can get by without it, but it’s encouraging to hear it, y’know? Idk.
Work is annoying me.
I don’t get why the idea of his friend doesn’t make him jealous. I don’t want it to make him jealous, I don’t want any form of negativity around it, but why doesn’t it? Am I built that differently to him? If he even floated the idea of that to me vice versa I don’t think I would ever recover. I mean that’s dramatic and I would but I would be paranoid about it for a looooooong time. But so why doesn’t he care? It feels like I care more about it than he does, it feels like I’m more concerned about it than he is? I don’t get it. I absolutely don’t want him to be super jealous or anything like that, I know I find the whole territorial thing crazzzzy hot in fiction but in reality I would find it stifling and frustrating. But him having zero ounce of jealousy just idk, it makes me feel like he doesn’t care? If he was to feel jealous, doesn’t that mean he’d want me all to himself? So if he isn’t jealous, then he doesn’t? I know I’m overthinking this so I’ll stop. And also in the past he’s said in reality he doesn’t know if he would actually want me with anyone else, but the idea and fantasy of it all is hot, which I agree with. I mean never say never because idk I guess I kind of do want to experience him and someone else at the same time, like I wouldn’t care in the slightest if it never happened but it is something I think I do properly want. But everything else? Even if we got to the point of finding someone and it eventuating and all of that… I can’t envision me actually going through with it. Even if Andy wanted it. Except maybe I would, but not out of want but out of feeling like I should because I don’t want to let anyone down. I know that isn’t a good reason to say yes but idk. Anyway. None of this matters. I don’t think the fact he doesn’t get jealous as such means he doesn’t care. If he didn’t care then he would end things.
Not to be rude and horrid and hateful but some people have the most god awful voices. There’s a podcast of three women who talk about books and stuff and anyway they’re all American and two of them are fine, if a little grating at times, but one of them has the most disgusting voices I’ve ever heard. It’s HORRIBLE. And she keeps shouting over the others and screeching and it’s just such a gross voice. I feel so mean :(
I worked kinda late, just til 7 or so. And then I had dinner, had chats with M, had a shower, made my bed and showered annnnnd now it’s time with my baby! The sky was very pretty tonight, it was like a glowing rose gold. It kind of made me think of a copper pot on a fire. I feel like suchhhh a lil grub, I only changed my sheets today and it’s Wednesday. That means a week and half of the same sheets! Which I guess isn’t actually so bad compared to others but still. And I also shower right before bed, so in theory I know they’re fine but I like to have fresh sheets every Sunday, it’s just how I am. I can’t wait to make our bed, I wonder if he’d think it was silly to sometimes leave lil lovey notes under his pillow? Just now and then, like a lil post it size note saying something cute. Hm. I do things like that though, and I know it can be seen as super lame and things so idk. I’ll just have to learn what’s okay and what’s not. Hmmm. Anyway.
Night night

“What do you mean it’s wrong?” said Tamara, becoming frustrated with Samuel.
“I'm trying to tell you that plants do not eat earth. They just absorb nutrients from it,” Samuel replied, equally annoyed as this was the fourth time he had explained it. “Look, just take my word for it, OK,” he added.
“Fine, but you will have to explain it again,” Tamara retorted.
Samuel and Tamara were partners in a scientific study of their forest home. It was genuinely idyllic in every sense of the word; the trees stretched high into the sky, and everyone was covered in succulent leaves, a deep and gorgeous shade of green. Around their trunks were rings of flowers gathered from every continent, and a thick carpet of grass lay on the ground.
The two sat underneath a chestnut tree, writing up their findings for the day. It had focused mainly on tree sizes and growth rates, and they had continued this study for, on and off, almost a year.
Samuel turned to look at his assistant and found that she was just as remarkable as the day they had first met: golden locks, like living sunlight, tied neatly in a bun. Her eyes were an emerald green, and all in all, she was gorgeous. However, it was when you came to her waist that things became truly incredible because rather than a pair of legs, there was a long and wide snake’s tail.
It was huge, at least seven metres long and as wide as her torso. The scales were the same beautiful colour as her hair and reflected the sunlight in such a way that she appeared to glow. She was wearing an ultramarine tunic with a black diamond in the centre. She was like this not because of a plague, a curse or some mutation; Tamara was a Lamia; it was how she was born.
Samuel, on the other hand, looked far less impressive. He was around five foot ten, with dull brown hair and equally dull eyes. His stomach stuck out from the rest of him. No amount of exercise was able to get rid of it.
He was by every description a ‘dull as dishwater’ human. His clothes, however, were slightly more interesting. He wore a navy blue tunic with a thick leather belt wrapped around his waist. On his feet was a pair of excellent leather boots, able to withstand whatever the world threw at them and on his forearms and shins, he wore something Tamara had never seen or even heard of before: a pair of vambraces and greaves, Samuel called it armour.
Three strips of rugged leather layered on top of one another made up each piece, and between each layer was a collection of tiny metal beads. When Tamara asked what they were for, Samuel said they were for protection.
All of this would have been inconceivable to Samuel two years ago, but he had become used to it in time. Samuel was not born into this world; he had arrived. How? He did not know, but he remembered it all vividly; his senses had been overloaded, and at first, he believed he had died.
“What’s wrong?” Tamara asked Samuel, who had been silent for over a minute.
Samuel snapped out of his daydream and said: “nothing, just thinking about that day again.”
Tamara nodded and said nothing else; she knew exactly what was wrong.
Samuel went straight back to writing. When Samuel first showed up, there had been no paper or pens, but what was even stranger than the lack of these apparent necessities was that Samuel had had to invent both of these items.
Tamara and those like her did not possess a written language; they relied entirely on their memories, and until Samuel had shown up, Tamara had not even conceived of the notion, but she had picked it up astonishingly quickly.
“It still sounds like eating to me,” said Tamara, bringing the conversation back to the original topic.
“Well, it isn’t; eating requires a mouth and stomach,” Samuel replied.
“Says who?” Tamara asked defiantly.
“Says me,” Samuel answered.
Samuel jotted down the last of his notes and left the pages to dry in the sun. Samuel then turned to his right and looked at a large book, the size of a chair’s seat, bound in yellow leather and knotted by animal tendons. He picked it up and began to leaf through the pages.
His eyes glanced over paragraphs about oak trees and orchid flowers until he finally reached the section he sought; the page was titled Silver Birch (Betula Pendula).
“Have you finished the drawing on Silver Birch yet?” Samuel asked without looking.
Tamara was currently focused on a drawing of sunflowers, but she understood his request and, without looking up or saying a word, handed him the picture he wanted.
Samuel took the drawing and took several moments admiring it. Like all her work, the picture was astounding; not only did it look like an actual Silver Birch, but it also seemed to be alive, as though it would start blowing in the breeze.
Samuel punched four holes along the sheet's left side, undid the tendon strings and then attached the drawing behind the title page. He added eight more pages to his book, four of text and four illustrations.
Their work was now done; there was no more writing or drawing today, and he placed their work into a knapsack Tamara had brought with her. Samuel turned to his partner and asked: “so what do you want to do now?”
Tamara looked up through the canopy and could make out the silhouettes of several birds and finally said: “I’d quite like to fly.”
Samuel smiled, chuckled and said, “Yes, so would I, but that would require every member of the village working together for decades.”
Tamara looked Samuel in the eye and said: “are you making fun of me?”
Samuel did not reply; he just looked Tamara dead in the eye. She observed every minute twitch on Samuel's face and concluded he was not.
“How could a person fly?” She asked, suddenly intrigued.
“I don’t know, I’m not an engineer,” Samuel answered, “So apart from flying, what else do you want to do?”
Tamara let out a sigh and said: “I guess we will just have to walk.”
These were the moments Samuel lived for, just a quiet afternoon with his best friend enjoying a stroll; he was utterly content.
“You seem chipper,” Tamara said, noticing the growing smile on Samuel’s face.
“That’s because I feel chipper” he replied
They passed through the trees, heading towards their favourite spot, a beach by the side of a lake so large you could not see the other side.
“So, how is everyone?” Samuel said, trying to spark a conversation.
“You mean every single one because that could take a while?” Tamara replied.
“Let’s start with your mother” he clarified.
Tamara’s mother, Pancha, was more or less just a larger version of her daughter, just as brash and headstrong.
“She’s fine; she has finally stopped asking me what happened every time I come to meet you,” she said.
“Really, and it only took her two and a half years,” said Samuel with a smirk.
Yes, that first year here, had been a real trial. Samuel had never felt so scared, isolated and persecuted in his life. When he thought about it, he could still feel the fear and the hopelessness.
A gust of air slammed into Samuel’s face, bringing him back to the present, and what a wonderful time it was. The water was crystal clear, the beach was covered in sparkling white sand, and the distinct aroma of water wafted through the air. Samuel breathed it all in as Tamara spread herself over the beach.
The cooling breeze that Samuel found so enjoyable, Tamara found far less agreeable. Tamara was ectothermic or cold-blooded. She could not maintain her body temperature; she needed to absorb it from her environment, and the wind was slowly draining her.
“Comfortable down there?” Samuel asked.
Tamara turned her head, looked up at him and said: “Actually, yes, not as good as my bed, but still fine.”
Samuel left Tamara to her thermoregulation and strolled down to the water’s edge, “stay where I can see you!” Tamara called.
“Yes, MOM,” Samuel answered sarcastically, though he knew it was more for Tamara’s sake than his; she had a problem with open spaces.
Samuel closed his eyes, stretched his arms above his head, feeling his muscles strain against the tension, and yawned. Small tears formed in his eyes and wiped them away. He had only been up for a few hours but was ready for bed.
“Too much thinking, that was the problem,” Samuel mumbled to himself.
The sunlight sparkled on the water’s surface. It seemed as though millions of diamonds were suddenly brought into existence, danced for a few moments, and then vanished as quickly as they came. It was beautiful, just like everything else here.
He climbed up a rock that jutted from that sand and sat down, his legs dangling over the edge. As he kicked his legs, a ray of sun caught his greaves, and although the leather was rather dull, it still dazzled him.
Samuel heard a sound reminiscent of sandpaper brushing against wood, and he knew at once what it was. He waited four more seconds and said, without moving an inch, “Don’t even think about it!”
“How did you know?” Tamara asked, feeling simultaneously impressed, confused and disappointed.
Samuel looked her in the eye and replied: “who do you think you’re dealing with?”
Tamara had not clambered up the rock like Samuel; she had simply raised herself on her tail so she stood over two metres high.
“Are you feeling better?” he asked.
Tamara smiled and answered, “yes, thanks for asking.”
Tamara moved behind Samuel and then began to coil around the boulder, and if he had not experienced it all before, it would have been unnerving. Tamara was only twelve and a half, yet she was already far stronger than him. Samuel was sure if Tamara really wanted to, she could crush a bison to death. After the graceful dance around the stone, she sat down beside Samuel.
The pair was silent for a few minutes, except for a quick coughing fit by Samuel; they took in the unnatural beauty of their surroundings.
“Hey, I have a question,” said Tamara, coming back to her senses.
“What is it?” Samuel replied.
“You still haven’t told me why we are studying the forest?” She asked.
In an instant, Samuel became deeply confused. To him, it seemed all too obvious why they were doing it.
“There is no practical reason for doing it. We do it so that we know,” Samuel answered.
Tamara became silent. Samuel realised that she was deep in thought and decided to give her all the time she needed until she finally said: “Is this one of those human things?”
Samuel, upon hearing this, gave a small chuckle and answered: “yes, if you like.”
Suddenly, something caught Samuel’s eye. It was a crab, no bigger than a golf ball. Its back was powder blue, and it held its arms upright, its claws pointing down. The tiny creature would walk forward, scoop some sand into its mouth, and then leave a small pellet behind.
“Look at that!” said Samuel, nudging Tamara’s shoulder and pointing at the tiny crustacean. Tamara turned her head and looked directly at where he was pointing; she strained her eyes at what she thought was a pebble; she was about to climb down and collect it when it suddenly moved, and she squealed.
Tamara dragged the bottom end of her tail up from the beach and timidly said, “What’s that?”
Samuel remembered that tone of voice all too well, and it brought with it some unpleasant memories, but he pushed them to the back of his mind and said: “it’s a crab.”
Samuel was certain he had seen this type of crab before but could not put a name to the image. Samuel was sure he had read about them, watched a documentary, or attended a lecture, but he could not remember. Ultimately, he decided to drop it for now and see if the answer would come to him.
Tamara kept staring at it as though she believed it would pounce if she took her eyes off it for one second.
“Is it dangerous?” she asked, her voice hushed to ensure the creature did not notice her.
Samuel sighed and answered: “it’s a crab, Tamara, unless you happen to be a nematode then…”
Samuel paused mid-sentence as his brain finally connected the dots and asked, “Wait, you have never seen a crab before?”
This perplexed Samuel for a moment until he remembered that Tamara did not have a television, a car, and she could not fly a plane, so it was not unexpected that she would not know what a crab was.
Tamara shook her head in response to his question, and Samuel added: “you know what a woodlouse is, right?”
Tamara nodded and said, “I like woodlice.”
“Well, a crab is just a type of woodlouse that lives near water,” Samuel concluded.
However, he could tell from her face that she was unconvinced, so he got off the rock, walked over to the tiny creature, wary of its pincers, and picked it up by its backside.
“What are you doing?” Tamara called in alarm.
Samuel held the animal, its legs flailing wildly in an attempt to escape, and said, “showing you there is nothing to be worried about.”
Taking care not to crush it, Samuel clambered back up the rock and presented the animal to her. Tamara stared at it for some as the crab bobbed its eye up and down and tried in vain to find a part of Samuel it could nip.
“It’s actually kind of… cute,” Tamara said after two minutes of silence.
She relaxed her tail and let it rest on the beach once more. “Can it hold it?” She asked Samuel, fear being replaced by interest.
“Of course, you can. Just make sure you hold it by its back and be careful of the pincers; if they get you, it will hurt.”
Samuel handed the crab over to her and watched as Tamara began to inspect the animal from every angle. The crab had a white underbelly and purple joints.
“You think you could draw it from memory?” Samuel asked.
“Hmm?” Tamara replied. Samuel let out a sigh and repeated. After three more attempts, Tamara finally took notice and said, “Yes.”
Five minutes later, Samuel said, “we should probably put him back now.”
Tamara moaned about it, but Samuel said: “he has his own life, Tamara; you can’t keep him!”
She conceded, grumbling under her breath, and gently placed the animal back on the sand. As the crab dashed away, the two noticed that while they had been fixated on that single crab, thousands more had emerged on the beach.
Upon seeing the swarm of animals make their way across the beach, Tamara let out a squeal and once again pulled her tail up off the beach. The army of crabs marched along the shore. The collective walking produced a sound loud enough to hear from fifty metres away, and at last, Samuel remembered what they were and said, with no small amount of satisfaction in his voice, “they’re soldier crabs.”
“What are they going to do?” Tamara asked, concerned by the sudden appearance of so many creatures.
Samuel kept staring at the gathering, but he heard her question and replied, “They’re just feeding,” and added quickly, “But we are far too big for them.”
“That's odd,” Samuel said under his breath.
“I know there are so many of them,” Tamara said, deeply unnerved by the sheer vastness of the swarm.
“No,” Samuel said, “There should be this many of them; it’s where they are that is strange.”
Tamara momentarily took her eyes off the army and asked, “So where should they be.” There was a slight flicker of fear in her voice at the prospect of being invaded; rats and mice where bad enough. They did not need another pest.
“By the sea, not a freshwater lake,” he answered.
“The Sea?” Tamara almost yelled. Samuel was a little surprised by this enthusiasm and turned to face her.
“Yes,” he said.
“Have you ever been to the sea,” she asked.
“Yes, many times,” Samuel said, uncertain where this was going.
“I bet it’s wonderful,” Tamara added with a smile.
Samuel was silent as his brain connected a few dots and asked: “how can you know about the sea if you don’t know about crabs?”
She smiled; Tamara enjoyed it when she knew something that he did not, “there is a story that my mom told me that before we came to this forest, we were a different people that lived by the sea.” Tamara paused for a breath.
“But then humans came and drove us from the water, and we fled inland. Our people split into two. One half went to the mountains, and the other settled in the forest.”
Tamara finished and waited for his reply. Samuel, however, just kept looking at her. Tamara was concerned that she had upset him; he did not like it when humans were labelled as the enemy, yet his face and posture were not those of one who was sad or angry.
“You people blame us for everything, don’t you?” Samuel said with a chuckle.
“If there is a fire, it’s a human’s fault. If there is an earthquake, it’s a human’s fault. If a little Boreray boy drinks all their apple juice in one gulp, it’s a human’s fault.”
“So, getting back on topic, where did these “Soldier crabs” come from anyway? We have visited this lake for over two years and never seen even a glimpse?” Tamara asked. Samuel looked back to the slowly advancing army, and several ideas flashed through his head.
“Maybe they have been dormant up until now; perhaps they make a large circle around the lake shore, and it’s simply luck that we were here on the day they passed by, or maybe the migrated here from somewhere else.”
They watched the crabs' ceaseless march until Tamara said, “These things are still giving me the creeps. Can we go now?” Samuel could not argue that there was something eerie about all of these animals appearing, seemingly, from nowhere; however, there was still one thing he had to be certain of.
“You think you could draw one from memory?” he asked.
Tamara’s face contorted in a scowl. Samuel, for all his good points, could become far too focused on his research, which often caused him to become ignorant of other people.
Yet she knew sitting here yelling at him would accomplish nothing, so she told him the truth: “Yes, can we go now!” Samuel nodded and then slid off the rock. Tamara copied him, and they both slinked back to the cover of the trees.
Now that she was beneath the canopy, Tamara let out an enormous sigh of relief as the anxiety slowly left, and the close air warmed her body. On the other hand, Samuel began to chafe at the stagnant air while his head began to bead with sweat, but it was nothing he had not experienced before, so he gritted his teeth and bared with it.
With their plans now ruined, Tamara and Samuel wandered aimlessly through the woods, chatting about what they could do to fill the rest of the day. Several ideas arose, including visiting a nearby waterfall and a set of monument stones, but none truly appealed to them.
In the end, Tamara said, “how about we just call it a day?”
Samuel was happy about this. Tamara was his only form of human contact, yet he could not deny the pointlessness of wandering around the woods, so he said, “Ok, but let’s take the long way.”
Samuel heard a sound above him and saw a red squirrel scampering through the trees.
“Is it difficult?” Tamara asked.
Samuel looked at Tamara and replied, “Well, it can give me a crick in my neck sometimes.”
Tamara let out a short laugh and clarified, “No, I mean, is it difficult being so inquisitive? It looks exhausting.”
He was not entirely sure what she meant by that. To Samuel, Tamara was every bit as curious as him, so he stated: “you tell me, you went out looking for me just because you wanted to know.”
“True,” answered Tamara, “and everyone has always said that I am always asking questions, but you’re like a boar that just ate sugar beat.”
“I have no idea what that means,” Samuel said, shaking his head. “But I do know that people always told me, when I was a boy, that humans are, by their nature, infinitely curious, but personally, I think that it’s just how I was born.” there was a pause, and he quickly added, “just like you.”
Tamara’s fingers started to numb as she brushed them against the bark of passing trees. She took a good look at the trees around her. Tamara had lived her entire life sheltered by these trees. This place was her home, her family’s home and her friend’s home, and she loved it, a perfect example of the innate beauty of nature.
Samuel, however, was of a different opinion this forest disturbed him, though this feeling had diminished with time. The trees all grew in perfect symmetry, four and a half strides form each other.
From Tamara’s perspective, there was nothing strange about this, yet Samuel often said that this should not be possible, that the wood should be a mess and that the trees should grow in an unorganised fashion. Yet to Tamara, the idea of messy forests was just as impossible as a structured one was to him.
Noon came and went, and Samuel’s stomach began to rumble. His breakfast was becoming a distant memory; he thought he might be able to bear it for another hour or so, but as they travelled closer to the village, Tamara started to become irritated by Samuel’s constant growling.
“We need to find you something to eat before that sound drives me nuts!” Tamara stated bluntly.
“That’s all well and good, my dear, so long as you can materialise food out of the aether,” answered Samuel, with just a hint of condescension in his voice.
Tamara did not know what the aether was, but it did not matter. “No, but I do know a nearby tree with some great fruit in it,” she replied.
Samuel found this strange for two reasons. Firstly, he found it very difficult to believe there was a source of food in this forest that either he had not found, or Tamara had not told him about yet.
Secondly that, Tamara would know much about something she could not eat. Tamara was strictly carnivorous; she ate nothing but meat.
He wanted answers fast and asked: “So why haven’t you told me about this before?”
“Because I can’t stand the smell, that’s why, and I didn’t want you stinking up the place,” she explained.
“If it smells disgusting, what makes you think I will eat it?” he asked.
“Because the Boreray can’t get enough of it, some of them say that they taste like all the best parts of every fruit and vegetable we grow, which is a shame because they smell like all the worst,” she added.
He asked no more questions. He was too busy thinking; this fruit sounded so familiar, but he could not remember. The need to survive day in day out had pushed most of his standard learning, from school and university to the back of his mind, not forgotten mind you just buried.
I'm back with Tamara and Samuel latest adventure. If you like what you've read so far and want to know where it's going you can find the complete story by following the links below.
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Context I Avery 19 year old female and Lucy (Not her real name) 18 year old female have been friends for a year. I am a grade above her and we are in the same fine art activity. We are both on the colorguard team at my school.
Our team isn’t necessarily good, but we aren’t bad. (To the people who know Scholastic AA). For some reason Lucy is obsessed with the idea she looks like me. All because of a comment someone made to her. They walked up to her thinking it was me from a far. She has made it her life mission to make herself me.
She was a primary flag on my team and I am a primary rifle. Since I am a senior in school I’m not getting ready for next season. However, my director is making all members who have done at least one season try rifle. Lucy was excited to try rifle saying she can be like me. I thought this was sweet cause she looked up to me, but I was very wrong.
Lucy happened to be really good at rifle. Nothing against her she’s a great person to have on the team, but her ego has gone way up. She’s been making fun of people who drop their rifle or use the wrong technique and she always comes in for reassurance saying things like “Right Avery she needs to slow down her toss or right Avery she needs to put her left hand completely to the side.” It puts me in a position that makes me uncomfortable and i’ve told her to stop.
Lately she’s been dressing like me. She always used to wear a Tee shirt, shorts, and her hair down to rehearsal, but lately she’s been wearing Sports bras, leggings, and pulls her hair into a braid. Just like me. She used to march around saying she hates the color pink (She’s a major tom boy), but now she wears it saying it suits her. She even bought my perfume. I thought it was weird, but I didn’t say anything cause I’ll be gone within a week anyways because of Graduation.
She was starting to really piss me off when she would make comments like “Avery look we both have a pimple on our cheek.” I’m extremely insecure about acne. She knows this. She would say things like “our cycles are synced it’s like our bodies are the same person.” “We’re both on our 15th set of invisalign. Our teeth are getting straighter together.”
Yesterday I was getting ready for a banquet with Lucy and some other girls from the team. It’s all fun and games till Lucy pulls out almost the exact same dress as me. There is no way she wasn’t trying to copy. I was going for a Audrey Hepburn look with a black dress, gloves, pearls, and Prada sunglasses. Lucy pulls out a shorter black dress, gloves, pearls, black sunglasses. She then exclaimed “Omg twin we’re gonna look so good. It’s almost like great minds think alike or something. People won’t even be able to tell us apart.”
I was livid to say the least. She knew I had been planing on that outfit since last banquet. I let it go it was my senior banquet it was fine. I take photos with everyone and she’s doing her thing when she puts her arm around my boyfriend’s shoulder. I immediately stand up from our banquet table and grab her arm swinging it off him. She said “Sorry I thought it would be a cute picture cause he’s dressed to match us.” I cut her off and said “No Lucy he’s dressed to match me. I’m not sure what you think your doing wanting to become me and comparing yourself to me, but it needs to stop.” She then rolls her eyes and slumps in her chair. She mumbled under her breath “I don’t look like you. You look like me. Get it right. You’re so obsessed.”
I started to yell at her “You don’t look like me. Not even a little bit. Your eyes are blue and mine are green. Your hair is brown while mine is blonde. Your nose slopes down and mine slopes up at the end. Your chin is slightly pointed and my sticks out. My eyes are almond while yours are hooded. I’m 5’11 and you’re 5’3. Your boobs are bigger than mine. My feet are bigger than yours. We do not look alike.”
At this point everyone is looking at us. Most people know what i’m getting at cause they asked me days ago why she was copying me. Lucy starts to cry called me some names and ran off. I cut the night short and went home. I told my mom in the morning and she told me I should’ve let Lucy live out her fantasy for a week till I graduate. A couple of friends of Lucy have texted me and called me an Asshole. But I don’t think I am.
Am I the Asshole?

Bodie, the towering white Dragonborn bounty hunter approached the city gate with a creature in tow. The man was often a welcome sight to the city guard. Usually he was coming back with a sack full of criminal's heads or the important bits of a manticore to prove he'd slain it. Today he was technically breaking the law, walking up to the city gates with a live monster, even if it was one he could strike in half in a instant with his enchanted great sword.
"Hail Bodie, that's Far enough." A Sergeant of the city guard put a hand up to signal him to stop. The guard knew he couldn't really stop Bodie from doing whatever he wanted, but he would try to enforce the law all the same. "You know we can't let you in the city gates with that thing."
The thing in question was a kobold scales a matching white to Bodie's own splendiferous scales. Most Kobolds were red, or green. This was the first white one Either of the guards had seen.
The kobold jumped forward in front of Bodie, and it spoke in the common tongue of all things. "How DARE you speak to Bodiaracamat the Bolstered in such a way, you FILTH! You nasty Fuu-"
Bodie yanked the collar on the creature less than half his size to stop him talking. "Heel boy. That's enough yappin Scrax. These men are just doing their jobs."
The other guard, a Corporal, was more sympathetic to Bodie. Bodie had saved his ass in a bar fight recently. "Look, Sargent it seems mostly harmless. Bodie's got it on a leash and I bet it even listens to commands."
The Sergeant looked skeptical, but intrigued. "Does it do tricks?"
Bodie laughed exactly two laughs, and stopped. Then he put a very serious face on before saying, "No. He doesn't do tricks. He's my Emotional Support Kobold."
The Corporal burst into laughter and had to step away to get himself together, while the Sergeant tried to carry on like that wasn't the absolute silliest thing Bodie had ever said. The man was the very model of stoicism. He rarely spoke more than was needed. In fact it was common for him to get through the gate without saying a word. Flashing his Adventurer's Guild Silver Badge and a sack full of goblin heads is usually all it takes.
"I'm sorry Sir, Bodie. I..." The Sergeant mastered himself, "Did you say Emotional Support Kobold?!"
"I did," Bodie drawled slowly. He showed his teeth for a the briefest moment before he spoke again, the guard knew well it had the opposite meaning from a dragonborn than a human. He was annoyed, bordering on angry. "I don't like to repeat myself Sergeant. Get out your little notebook and write down what I say. I know you dolts all know your letters. I found Scrax in a cave about to be sacrificed by the other ones for being a white scaled type. I didn't take kindly to that. They're dead now. Killed twenty, but only twelve usable heads left, they're in my pack. This one can speak common, and he worships me. It's nice. I like it. If he misbehaves I'll kill him myself."
The white kobold prostrated himself before the mighty bounty hunter. "Scrax will be good, I promise. I wou-"
Bodie Yanked him from the ground to his feet and made him fall ass over teakettle backward with a flick of his wrist through the chain into the collar on the Kobold's neck. "Who said you could speak, Scrax. This is people time. Silence."
Just then a half-elf sorceress that was a sometimes rival, sometimes ally, but much to her chagrin never a lover to Bodie, was walking by on her way out of town. "Aww. Bodie, did you get a cute little pet? Look at him, and he was talking too, like he thinks he's people!"
Bodie sighed. A deep, weary sigh. The kind you'd expect from a man like him after slaying a dozen ogres by himself, not two seconds of conversation with Priscilla. "Hello Pris."
"Ma'am." The Corporal had recovered himself from the notion of Bodie having an emotional support Kobold.
She ignored the low ranked human. "So what'd you say this little things name is Bodie, Scrax? Isn't that Draconic for feces."
For the first time in his life he was actually intrigued by Priscilla, "You've been studying Draconic? Yes, but not normal shit, what's the elf term." Bodie took a moment to think, "Louthunarum"
"Waterfall bowels, Diarrhea in the common tongue. What's normal shit then?" The surprising genuineness with which she asked it took Bodie by surprise. So he decided to answer instead of blowing her off like normal.
"Screm," Bodie paused, and new cruel idea dawning. "That can be his surname. Scrax Screm."
The Corporal had to excuse himself again. The kobold stood proud. Proud to have been given a surname by his god, even if it was shit.
"Let me get this straight," said the Sergeant, "You want me to let you into the city with an untamable monster type named Diarrhea Shits. A rare white kobold that worships you like a living god."
"He is a God, you filthy swi-" Bodie yanked the Kobold over to him and picked him up with one smooth motion. He stuffed the creature under his arm, punched it in the gut, then he used his powerful hand to hold Scrax's screaming scremhole shut.
"Sorry about that. I'll get him a muzzle first thing." Bodie was far more talkative than usual.
"You know, maybe there is something to this Emotional Support Kobold thing." The Sergeant said, not realizing he'd been charmed by Priscilla's subtle magic, "Come on, I'll walk you over to the captain and he can help you figure out what paperwork we need to fill out for this... thing."
Bodie sensed it though. Damnit, now I owe her one. He knew the captain would let him get away with whatever he wanted, especially since he'd rescued his wife and daughter from those kidnappers. Though the Captain had said he would have rather Bodie not so brutally hacked the kidnappers apart in front of his family, a simple stabbing to death would have done. All the same he was very happy they were safe, if slightly traumatized by both ordeal and rescue.
As they walked toward the captain's office with his Kobold under his arm and muzzled by hand. Bodie heard Priscilla's voice in his head. He knew she knew the spell for such a whisper and wasn't terrible shocked to find her in his head. Annoyed, yes. Shocked, no.
"You owe me one you big sexy dragon man." Her voice said.
Bodie just turned and showed her his teeth.