Dude sits on jar

I'm 19 almost 20 in college and relatively attractive ( According to my friends as well lol ). I don't think i can ever recall a time a girl has ever tried flirting with me or even just " sent me signals ". I have friends and a social life and i have asked out plenty of girls too. The only time i've ever had a " gf " was for like a month in 8th grade and ultimately, she wasn't interested and has been with the same guy since Freshmen year some fucking how. The last girl i asked out we were friends for like 2 years and she told me she already had someone ( Even though i don't recall her telling me ) and blocked me. It feels like women are just naturally not attracted to me specifically honestly. I hear from threads on this site and my friends that it's easy " Dude it's not hard if you just want a GF all you have to do is spend a month talking to girls and asking them out it's that easy ".
It just seems like a giant joke, I've worked two jobs, workout everyday, made it to college, played sports in HS, ect. But it just feels like one of those things that I'm incapable of doing. Like you know how many ugly guys i know with amazing gf's that have been together for years? Not just attractive like genuinely good partners. It feels like i just have shitty luck rather than lacking a ability to talk to girls. It seemed way easier in High School anyway, Now that I'm and adult in college it feels way harder. A lot more girls are in or have been in relationships and I'm still a virgin which feels pretty daunting personally. I can say the same thing about my guy friends too. The worst is when they talk about being with a girl or their gf and i just have to sit their in awkward silence trying not to feel like a jealous asshole but the truth is i do but never say it.
Some of them are straight up idiots that don't look as good as me and it confuses me. Yeah some of them are probably lying but i know their are a few guys that don't and i have no clue how they do it. I've literally taken their advice which ended up getting me blocked by that other girl. And now that the semester is over it's goanna be even harder anyway. If it's so simple and yet I've been failing for years when it usually takes less than a month should i just give up? I guess becoming a Buddhist monk would be nice.

I (m20) have a very close friend (f20) for years. Ben thru a lot of stuff and she’s genuinely just a friend nothing more I’m not lurking around to ask her out or hookup at some point. Just some background we’ve known each other for 6 years and was one of the only people I talked to regularly after we all went to college. Weird friendship, but we’re really good friends after everything and she’s helped me thru some tough times even tho she shouldn’t have. For the context of the story she is a little bigger.
Every break in college, our high school friend group goes to a kids garage in our group and drinks and hangs out and catches up. I was very big in high school (285 lbs) but I was so upset about it and I’m now down to 215. Each time we have these meetups someone comments to me that I look good and good for you for working out and stuff and I don’t mind or think much of it but I guess like 5 months without seeing someone causes a noticeable difference with weight loss and working out (we’d all hang out on breaks so each semester just about) but my friend who is on the bigger side hasn’t changed since we’ve known her. She’ll always joke about being out of shape and how no guys want to talk to her but it’s hard to hear because it’s obviously like an internal projection and I feel terrible every time.
So we come back from the semester and have our usual meet up with about 6 of us. We talk for a bit and a friend sits next to me and we start talking and he says “dude you look good I’m proud of you I respect the f* out of that” and he asks me what I do and yada yada but then I stupidly say “honestly once you start it’s not that f*ckin hard to lose weight you just have to care about it and try.” Ik ik I wasn’t thinking we’ve been there drinking for a bit but I look up at my friend and she looks upset and her friend is looking at me pissed off. 10 minutes go by and they leave and everyone’s like what happened why did they leave so early and this and that?
I really try to not talk about working out or weight at all in front of her or even like hooking up with people in college because she vents to me about not being in shape and being single. But I don’t know we were all just hanging out obviously drinking and now I’ve been on delivered for a few days.
I don’t want to talk to her about it because bringing up anything on weight etc upsets her I know it and someone obviously knows if they’re a little bigger so I don’t know how to repair this and I can’t imagine hearing something like that from a close friend.
TL;DR: I made an insensitive comment on weight in front of a very good friend that’s a little bigger unknowingly and she’s very upset and I’m not sure how to repair our friendship.

Peeked at the newest YT video and Dude, he just keeps getting worse.
First, he says "Something crazy happened!!"..and it was literally just his door dash driver accidentally placed his order on his neighbors porch, not his. The way he said he reacted was gross. Like you couldn't have just said "Hey is that for Michael by chance" and been respectful about it, instead he literally called the guy "Door Dash" was like like "Um that's Door Dash?! That's mine!!"
God he is so incredibly fucking rude. I hope one day someone just decks his ass, at least that red across his face will stay for awhile that should make him happy.
Then he gets to his giveaway....YOU LITERALLY JUST sent it out?? Because of your mental health?! Boy if you don't shut the fuck up.
You had an obligation to get those items to the winners in a timely fashion and because Little boy got sad you made them wait?!?!
When are these people going to wake up and see how incredibly rude and self centered he is??
That blanket he got in the last video is either sitting in Goodwill or a trash dump somewhere, I promise you that.

I’m not at my desktop but I’ll be able to provide any pictures of army comps or settlements. VH/VH, turn 70.
Anyway, I’m tearing my hair out. I’ve been blissfully building tall in my canon territory to get the pyramids set for long victory. I have six armies, nine heroes, 50k in the bank and more jars than there are skeletons.
The lizards are here. I just finished securing my northern and eastern borders with NAPs and trades. Dwarves, elves and other scattered races don’t mind me. The silly 2 settlement orange lizards two my south have two armies getting ready to invade soon. In turn 70, my world flips.
Itza, tiktactoe and the skink dude all declare war on me at the same time. They’re in the FoW so I can’t even bribe them with my riches, they scout and instantly declare on me. Itza has 5 stacks in the ocean. Skink dude has two, they both hijack the south and join the Orange lizards so that’s 4. Tic has three stacks to my west through military access. I come into this turn with 5 settlements under siege.
Not one of them is under level 30. Every op unit and regiment you can think of. The toad, sun cannon, the works. Invaded on 3 fronts.
I’m power rank 3. They’re 1, 2 and 4 respectively. Oh and they’re in an alliance.
Is this the end?

I loved Rebirth, and while the side quests were vastly improved they were still pretty hit or miss. Which side quests did you like/hate?
I’ve decided to review all 36 quests for some ungodly reason.
Grasslands:

• Flowers from the Hill - C
  • Kinda cute storyline, but they missed an opportunity for some Aerith backstory - idk, what’s her favorite flower or something? Or a memory tied to flowers? Devious on hard mode.
• Lifeline in Peril - F
  • I don’t like Kyrie, I don’t really like to not like Kyrie. A collectathon and doesn’t have much to do with Barret. A unique boss, but not a very interesting one.
• A Rare Card Lost - A
  • I like the bartender’s dialogue and VA, you get a great reward, and there’s a nice scene with Tifa that gets referenced later in a meaningful way. Wish there was more to Thorin, though.
• Livestock’s Bane - D
  • You get some Red development, but it’s a tracking quest and I don’t like the setup or enemy at the end.
• Where the Wind Blows - A
  • A lot of setup required, but the Broden stuff is good and is referenced later. The boss fight is pretty good (the first time). Doesn’t have much to do with Red.
• Hustle and Grind - C
  • I don’t really like Beck’s Badasses, but the interview is silly and you get to see the motorbike dudes. An annoying fight and doesn’t have anything to do with Barret, though.

Junon:

• Stuck in a Rut - C
  • Kind of awkward setup but I like the wrinkly old tatted dude and you get a good view of the cost from the hut on the cliff. Following the map was OK.
• When Words Won’t Do - A+
  • Probably my favorite quest and it’s an escort mission! Top tier banter between Barret and Cloud and the bow wow wow song is so good.
• Calling All Frogs - B
  • I wish there were fewer enemies for the frog encounter because it drags on for too long. Quirky, weird, and Tifa and Cloud flirt. Also frogs are cool.
• The Hardest Sell - D
  • I still don’t like her. The decorations bump it up to a D, though. Red has nothing to do with this quest.
• Dreaming of Blue Skies - C
  • A nice scene with Tifa at the end, but it’s a tracking quest. Not particularly interesting, but overall OK.
• Tides of War and Worry - A
  • I liked this mini game. Revisiting it once much later on was fine and it doesn’t overstay its welcome (and it’s pretty easy).
• Beneath Still Waters - C
  • A unique boss, and we get to see our infantry bros again, but aside from them not turning us in there’s nothing interesting about this encounter. Not any Aerith development.

Corel:

• The Saga of the Seaside Inn - B
  • Unique premise, and Yuffie and Cloud continue talking about it as you have to come back to it later. I don’t like collecting the wood blocks - mindless busy work.
• Rendezvous in Costa del Sol - F
  • Look I really don’t want to do those mini games again. The Aerith date is kind of off-putting. Fair enough, it makes some sense but it’s still a bummer.
• Bodybuilders in a Bind - D
  • I had trouble finding the group of monsters on the hill. The food talk with Tifa is OK, but kind of boring. Missed opportunity to talk about Zangan which would have been much more interesting. The sit-up mini game was way too unforgiving.
• Of Robed Men and Ransoms - C
  • A unique mini dungeon with a unique vibe is cool. Makes sense that it’s a Red quest. I don’t like the team rocket duo at the end, they aren’t really interesting in any way.
• Missing: Mr. Birdie - F
  • Cute premise, but I did not like setting and then returning to the traps.
• Trouble in Paradise - C
  • Kyrie, but you get to threaten to kill her. Also a cool boss fight at the end of this quest. A Yuffie quest even though she really has nothing to do with it.
• Gold Cup or Bust - F
  • I really like the lore for this quest, and it’s only a bit of a stretch for it to be a Tifa quest. But man, you have to do a LOT of races for this one. Too many.
• Sand and Circuses - C
  • Cool to see Leslie again, will probably come back next game. Some of those fights were kind of annoying, and it forced me to use the materia menu a lot which is always a pain.
• Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop - F
  • He should have stopped. Luckily it wasn’t bugged for me.

Gongaga:

• The Pursuit of Perfection - A
  • I liked following the pictures. Nothing to complain about here.
• O Chicken, Where Art Thou - F
  • Annoying AF. Funny ending.
• Teach Me, Great Warrior - D
  • Despite the Zach connection I wasn’t really feeling it. The enemies died too quickly to be staggered, that was annoying.
• The Spice of Life - F
  • Too much work and not really any payoff. Not really any Aerith development either.
• Escape from Endless Writer’s Block - C
  • Kind of annoying to actually get the photos, but story-wise it was nice.
• Woodland Vigil - F
  • I did not like going back and forth to do the spotting, and we don’t really learn anything about Zach or Cissnei.

Cosmo Canyon:

• Bonds of Trust - F
  • Did not like this mini game. And you have to do it three times. The story is boring and predictable. Really wish the chocobos could just fly, gliding isn’t nearly as fun.
• Absence of a Sign - D
  • A cute moment between Aerith and Cloud, but I didn’t like fighting that same scorpion 3 times and taking the pictures was finicky.
• From Whence Life Flows - D
  • I didn’t like following this particular map, I didn’t like having to do them in a specific order and I feel like you don’t really learn much lore from this quest which is kind of annoying.
• Promises to Keep - D
  • Didn’t like running across the desert and the story is kind of nonsensical? I like how they handled the Gi overall in this game, though.
• Victim of Circumstance - F
  • Hated following the signal, hated fighting enemies that can swallow party members.

Nibel:

• Esoteric Secrets of the Elders - C
  • Picking up the plants is kind of fun, there’s a kooky guy in a chocobo onesie.
• My White-Haired Angel - C
  • A little too long, a little too annoying of an escort quest. Still nice and it’s kind of funny to keep the cat catching theme going. Funny to have the cats in the piano performance at the end.
• Lament of the Damned - D
  • Shinra manor was kind of a letdown, and even though you get to go on a quest with Vincent the actual encounters in the combat simulator were way too repetitive.

Phew. Well what does everyone else think?

Part 32, a return to Kraisal, and my return to actually posting chapters. We get to see the aftermath of the four-part operation, and I get to deal with Reddit formatting changes. I upload Wednesdays, at 4PM to 5PM British Summer Time. Credit to u/SpacePaladin15 for creating the universe of NoP, and the amazing u/ShermanTheMajor for proofreading! And thank you guys for reading. Enjoy the chapter!
Memory Transcript Subject: Second-Lieutenant Kraisal, SC Fighter Pilot Flybird 6, Callsign ‘Mimic’
Date [Standardised Human Time]: July 7th 2168
We all took our seats in this new, bigger briefing room. Despite the concrete walls, it still felt somehow nicer than the last one, more high tech. It might’ve been the lighting, shining down a dim electric blue on all of us.
I looked to the others, who all seemed to be in various states of exhaustion. I still felt pretty energetic, and most of the pilots looked well enough, but the other SCOSG members? Vilik looked like a blood vessel was about to pop, Larsela looked like she was barely awake, and Pegasus… I wasn’t sure. I never was with him. At least we all made it through okay enough. What happened to the others to make them so exhausted, though?
The base commander waved her tail, and we all looked at her as she began to speak. “The operation was a complete success. Despite unforeseen factors in some of the combat operations, you’ve all displayed a commendable level of resilience today. You should be proud of yourselves for making it this far” Damn, the hell happened to the others?
“While most of the pilots in this room were escorting our transports here, Mimic successfully destroyed most of the rebel anti-air and armoured fighting vehicles, with some assistance from friendly partisan forces, and paratroopers from the one-hundred-and-second airborne division. She also successfully shot down an enemy aircraft attempting to intercept friendly planes. Thanks to her actions here today, we all have a place to land, rest, and refuel, as well as a staging area for attacks deeper in enemy territory and towards the planetary defence guns”
“Meanwhile, Quartz One successfully escorted the East Sea Fleet past enemy naval defences, despite resistance from a small enemy fleet blockin her path. She also successfully shot down an enemy mercenary pilot, who was armed with laser weaponry and a superior aircraft. This has allowed us to strike closer to the planetary defence guns without having to rely as heavily on our air support. The Captain of the leading vessel also sent her a bottle of whiskey as thanks, though this will be locked up for the time being”
There was a small amount of chatter at the prospect of alcohol, and a couple people looked to Lars. That lucky bird. All I got was a scratched paint job.
“Quiet!” The base commander yelled, causing the chatter to cease before she continued. “Furthermore, Magnum successfully destroyed several IRBM silo’s, despite heavy ground resistance. He also successfully intercepted two IRBMs before they could reach friendly territory, despite one of these missiles both launching before its silo could be discovered, and being capable of evasive manoeuvres at low altitudes. This has prevented the enemy from launching potentially devastating attacks on our backlines, saving countless lives and allowing us to continue offensive operations unimpeded”
She took a small breath, and cleared her throat, before continuing. “Finally, Pegasus Three successfully escorted the transport carrying defectors into our territory, despite several attempted intercept missions from enemy squadrons, the loss of all decoy aircraft, and the pilot and copilot both being shot, with the former too injured to fly and the latter dead. He also successfully shot down an enemy mercenary squadron attempting to intercept the transport, despite being outnumbered by superior aircraft. The transport successfully landed here, and the pilot is stable. The passengers themselves are mostly unharmed, outside mild bruising from a rough landing, and are going through debriefing”
Jesus Christ, I thought my mission was the hard one. At least I didn’t have to dogfight a fucking missile.
“Overall, this leaves Coalition forces in a highly advantageous position in the war going forwards. The only remaining advantages held by the rebels is the fog of war, and the planetary defence guns, and we are almost in a place where we can wipe out the latter. Excellent work. Dismissed!”
As we all filed out of the briefing room, I began moving through the crowd, when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. Turning around, I noticed one of the paratroopers, looking to me with a slight grin on his face. “Hey, you’re that pilot that saved our asses, right? I wanted you to have this” He then held out a pack of jerky. “As thanks”
“Oh shit, thanks dude!” I replied, grabbing it and immediately devouring its contents.
“It’s the least I could do after you brought us through a second suicide mission alive. Shit, at this rate there’ll be propaganda posters with you on em”
“Eh, just doing my job” I grinned. “Look, I gotta go, see you around?”
“Sure” He replied casually, before walking off.
I turned around and began heading to my friends, managing to intercept Vilik and Larsela. The formers tail was wrapped firmly around his leg, while Larsela was rubbing her eyes with her talons, as if trying to stay awake. “Hey you two!” I greeted “How did you handle things? You both definitely look… Rough”
“How does it look!?” Vilik snapped, before audibly sighing. “Sorry, sorry. Just stressed. I had to deal with five fucking missiles, two of which managed to launch, one which had stealth capabilities, and the other nearly reached criticalaltitudeand-”
“Okok!” I cut him off. “Go figure out which bunk is yours and lie down or something, jesus!”
“Fine, fine! I’m going” And with that, he stormed off, leaving me and my very tired pal alone.
“So…” I began. “What about you?”
She stared into the ceiling for a moment, before slowly looking at me. “Hm? Oh, yeah. It went ok…” She then yawned, and began to stagger off. “I need to lie down though. Maybe we can walk and talk before I find my bed?”
“Sure!” I replied, walking after her. “That works!”
“Right, right… Yeah things went well, most of the fleet made it out untouched. The fact the Promenade had a railgun certainly helped. The rebels surrendered after the second ship was horizontally cut in half”
“Oh, that sounds cool as fuck!”
“More scary than cool” She responded, as we entered one of the barracks. “I felt it firing in my bones…”
“Oh, damn. Nevermind then… So uh, remember this morning? When you were gonna ask me something?”
“Hom? Yeah, kinda… Why do you ask?”
“Oh, I was just wondering what you were gonna ask me is all!” I chuckled.
“Oh, it’s… It was nothing” She muttered, before coming to a halt at one of the bunk beds. She quickly checked the two footlockers sitting at its foot, before crawling to the upper bunk. I decided to check the lockers too, noticing my stuff was there along with hers.
“Lucky coincidence…” I murmured, before sitting on the lower bunk, stretching, and taking a moment to relax, staring up at the bunk above me as I rested on the hard mattress. That moment to relax was then interrupted by an officer walking in, looking around the room, then walking up to me and Lars.
“Excuse me” They began. “Have either of you seen a uh, ‘Pegasus’ around here?”
Larsela waved a wing and flicked her tail feathers, signalling no, while I sat up slightly and shrugged. “Why are you looking for him?”
“The wife of one of the passengers wanted to thank him for saving her husband” They responded. “I believe the passenger in question is the one that flew the plane after the pilots injury, as well”
“Try checking the runway or something. I don’t know, maybe he’s checking out the hangars. He was usually around that kind of area in the last base, anyways”
“Right, thank you” They nodded, before walking off. I flopped onto my back, closed my eyes, and rested.
[First] [Prev] [Next]

Believe I actually heard this as an audio book when I was young (12ish?)
Kid finds an old house (I think in a rural setting, either bush or a country, featured a forest, am fuzzy on the time period but def wasnt modern. I wana say 40s-60s) and finds an old man asleep in a chair, who he startles awake. Old guy has a very odd complexion and kid figures out he's a ghost.
Old guy is surprised he's dead and they go through this whole process of figuring out how he can move and interact with things. I believe I remember a scene where the old guy finds he can pass his tongue through the lid of a jabottle to taste the contents
They go on little adventures, old guy teachers the kid about things like what roots and berries are safe to eat as bush food.
I believe at some point they find an abandoned animal (maybe a baby joey? Or possibly a deer? Very similar right lol)
which the old guy tries to give cows milk but the kid stops him, saying it'll make it go blind. Old guy is appalled as he realises a lot of his 'beasties' (old guy talked odd) did go blind when he cared for them while living, as he used to do the same thing.
As the story continues I believe they find out how the old guy died. It was in a house fire where he got stuck in his house, falls back into his chair, passes out due to smoke, and then he 'wakes up' to find the boy. (From his perspective)
Also potentially there was a rivalry between old guy and another dude who was the reason for the fire and they hated each other? But that could be merged from another book.

It’s been four and a half months (136 days) since my husband got sick with the flu and ended up dying in front of me after ten days of hell trapped at home with our young child.
On Mother’s Day a couple days ago, his dog mauled a neighbor’s pet cat to death in front of my son. Fortunately they were incredibly gracious about it, but it still makes me sick. I can’t shake the feeling that whenever things get bad and it actually matters, I am powerless. I couldn’t stop this cat being killed, I couldn’t stop my husband dying from the flu.
This morning I inquire about my husband’s truck that’s been sitting in my driveway since his death. I realized then it was in his mother’s name. She said her son, my husband’s brother would help me get it fixed up and sell it, and I could keep the money, and he would do so for the boat in my driveway as well, which was in her husband’s, my dead father in law’s, name. My husband left me with nothing but debts-zero in his bank accounts and pockets, no insurance, secretly months behind on the household bills he was responsible for.
This brother, the one who said he was coming the night my husband died and never did, the one who didn’t meet our child until it accidentally happened this last thanksgiving, the one who didn’t even send a card let alone come when we got married, finally came two weekends ago, which I was surprised but hopeful about. I had a prior engagement for my son, so had to leave for an hour. When I came back home, he had left with the boat and told my mom he was coming back in two weeks to get the truck running.
I text him this morning to inquire about when he’ll be here this weekend. He informs me that he has to work and will come “at some point.” I ask about the money for the boat and he says he has given it to his mom, who hasn’t said a word about it to me though we’ve texted multiple times.
I don’t know what I’m doing writing this all out. I just feel so shit on. I’ve had to deal with so damn much to try and get through these last months. It has taken everything I have. My husband made it almost as hard as possible for me to deal with his death. He just didn’t care much about the future, his or anyone else’s. But I’ve fucking done it. And now this, his dog and his family, who should be supportive, just fucking me in the only way they can. And there’s nothing I can do about it. He’s a good Christian though, of course. God will protect him from anything negative impacting him through this. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe these hypocritical, shallow in-name-only, on-Facebook-only Christians are right; I should get into performative Christianity and only care about myself? I don’t think I could be so selfish though.
I guess I just needed to shout out into this network of people thrown into this jarring, disjointed alternate reality, navigating these lonely and terrifying waters, people that understand, to get a little bit of commiseration that could be a life jacket for a minute.

It has been more than a year since this happened. This maybe a long post but it is quite personal, so please read the entire thing before jumping to conclusions.
I am a college student. About a year ago I was forced to leave the hostel of the campus due to some stuff, so I moved into a PG. I did not have any friends there. I used to study all day and spend my time alone there. I was working hard, but due to the lack of friends I was quite lonely.
One day I was sitting on the terrace and singing and this guy approached me saying he liked my singing. He talked to me for a while. I assumed he is straight so I talked to him normally, bro to bro. Eventually we delved into other topics and I told him about my depression. He told me about his depression. We related quite a bit. He used to brag about the girls he has been with etc.
He became friends with me and started inviting me to walk with him every night. He's a cool guy so I went with him. We talked about all sorts of things. And it was helpful for my loneliness as well. Good times.
Now one random day, we were walking in the evening and he said "I need to tell you something important", I was like sure go ahead. He said "I am bisexual". I was like oh cool. He said "I thought you won't accept me", I was like "Pagal hai kya bhai tu dost hai mera". I was actually quite happy he trusted me with his secret. And I was happy for him as well.
This is where things started to change.
After he told me he was "bisexual" (he is straight up gay, bisexual probably softens the blow lol), he started to bring it up more often in conversations. He would point at some guy and say "He's really hot", and I didn't mind. I'd even tease him and shit.
But then it started happening a lot more. I do not know if this is internalized homophobia or whatever they call it, I simply CANNOT hear in graphic detail about gay sex. I do not like to see photos of gay men kissing and having sex. I am repulsed by it. I do not have a problem with people who are gay, but I can't be expected to sit and watch gay porn with him.
This guy started to bring up all of his exes, started showing me photos of him with other dudes in bed. Started telling me in graphic fooking detail about his nightly encounters. I did not want to know what he is doing with another man. Maybe he was compensating in some way, or seeing how I react. I already told him multiple times I do not have problems with him being gay.
We were still doing those night walks and right after he told me he was gay, it was still the same. He was still my friend, I still enjoyed his company. But something became weird from his side. He would ask me to go to really dark places. I remember once he was standing and making eye contact with me as if he wanted to kiss me. I felt so creeped out.
I started suspecting that he has a crush on me or something. But I gave him the benefit of doubt, thinking it was probably some homophobia in some corner of my heart. I was assuming a gay man is in love with me because he is gay. Which is not fair.
After a few days we were talking about something and he asked me "are you straight?" I said yes 100%. Then he started saying that nobody is ever truly straight. That all people are gay in some way. That sounded really wrong to me, like he was trying to say I think you are gay.
When we came back from walking that day, he playfully punched me. I punched him back. Then after a little back and forth, out of literally nowhere, he grabbed my ass.
This was the breaking point. I did not shout at him, I was super pissed. All I said was "That wasn't cool bro" and he just smirked at me, like he had some sort of victory.
I stopped talking to him after that.

Hello, I (28M) am making this post because I need to get this crazy story off my chest. I met a girl on Tinder (22F) at the beginning of this year and I thought we really hit it off. She had recently broken up with a long term boyfriend and was actually couch surfing between different family and friends. I work a lot and I really liked her so I offered to let her stay at my apartment. I also asked her to be in a relationship with me. At first she declined, but on Valentines I managed to pull out all the stops and tried my best to be romantic. (took her out, giant teddy bear, candy all that) I asked again if she wanted to be in a relationship with me and she agreed and moved into my apartment. Everything was good for a couple of months, we really didn't argue and the sex was great.
Her birthday was in April and I asked what she wanted for her birthday. She said she wanted to go on a camping trip and invite a bunch of friends. I was good with that plan and made arrangements to be off from work and spent a couple of hundred dollars on the supplies needed for the trip. She invited a ton of people but the only ones that ended up coming were here best friend, her best friends boyfriend, her brothers, her mom, and two other friends that were neighbors of her best friend. They only showed up at the end of the trip but, I was happy somebody else came for her.
Her best friend also brought her toddler. I had said before we went on the trip that bringing the toddler was not a good idea considering the plan for the weekend was to get drunk and smoke the whole time and that probably wasn't the best place for a two year old. I got ignored and my concerns were dismissed.
Anyway, on 4/20 we all end renting canoes and kayaks from the outfitters at the campground to float down the river. Halfway through; one of my then girlfriends brothers gets sick from to much to drink and ends up falling in the river multiple times. The river is still really cold and we end up having to split up and she takes her brother to get a ride back to the campsite at the halfway point. Then I was stuck with her friends that I didn't really know; to get back to the campsite with the canoes. I had met these friends about a half dozen times and they had struck me as rude and irresponsible but I hadn't spent much time with them. The boyfriend actually had never spoken directly to me at this point even though we had met several times.
I had been told by my ex over and over again how the boyfriend was abusive and how terrible he was to her friend. I told her since I hadn't seen anything I didn't want to be involved. On the second half of the trip her best friend and her boyfriend get into an argument over something. To this day I have no idea what either of them were upset about. This argument keeps escalating but only to yelling and throwing stuff and essentially a temper tantrum on the part of the boyfriend. We get back to the campsite and reunite with my ex, and they keep arguing and yelling at each other. Keep in mind the girl has been carrying around a two year old for this entire ordeal.
Eventually the boyfriend is in his vehicle shouting obscenities' and my exes friend goes to his vehicle and what happens next is the only point of disagreement between myself and my ex. I say he hit her, my ex says he pushed her out of the way. Tomato, tomato, it was still most definitely physical assault of a dating partner and since she had the toddler it was also child abuse. My exes mom then intervenes and they separate, I go over to the girl to ask if she's is alright and she starts asking me to fight her boyfriend. Then the boyfriend threatens to shoot me!!!?????
Keep in mind this guy has never spoken to me directly. As a side note I have trained MMA for over five years at this point and it is well known that I can fight. Normally fighting/sparring is very fun for me but if this dude is actually upset and not wanting to wrestle around for fun then I was going to need him to sign a waiver before I administered the beat down. Besides the dude had a gun and had threatened to shoot me so I'm not just going to attack him?
I tried to tell my ex that we needed to leave but she refused and said that if I wanted to leave I was more than welcome but that she would be staying. I decide to stay, and the rest of the night essentially consisted of her best friend wandering around the campground crying hysterically and the boyfriend posted in his vehicle between us and the exit in some kind of sad attempt to be intimidating. At one point while my ex and her friend attempt to console the boyfriend they essentially left the child unsupervised with me and her friends neighbors.
Both of the neighbors were under 21 and definitely to intoxicated to supervise a toddler. To be honest no one there was sober enough to care for a two year old at that time. At one point I actually stopped the toddler from running into the fire while my ex and her friend made the boyfriend food. (which I bought by the way) Literally the guy assaulted his girl, threatened to shoot me, and put his child in danger and my girlfriends reaction was to make him a hamburger. I was thrown.
Towards the end of the night its starting to calm down and I was coming back from collecting firewood. The boyfriend had moved his vehicle closer to the campsite but was still not interacting with the rest of the group. When I get back my exes friend is blocking my chair so I grab another from my trunk and offer it to her so I can sit down next to my girlfriend. Apparently the boyfriend was offended by this and actually spoke to me directly for the first time by stating that I needed to pay attention to my girl and if I talked to his again he would shoot me.
I had no idea how to react; this is now the second time this dude has threatened my life with a firearm and both times with no reaction from anyone. I tell my ex again that we need to leave and I was once again dismissed. Keep in mind there is no signal at this campground; so we are completely cut off from the outside world. It was already late so everyone turned in for the night shortly after. The next morning we pack up the campsite to go home.
When we get back to my apartment, I confirm with my ex everything that happened. She did confirm that the boyfriend had threatened to shoot me twice. Like I said earlier; I say he hit his girl my ex says he pushed her out of the way. Whatever; same difference. She also confirmed she understood that because the toddler was there it made everything that happened an act of child abuse. My goal for the conversation was to get my ex to report what happened so I could sit in the background and just confirm what she was saying was true.
However, my ex just kept trying to say that this was normal behavior by her friends boyfriend and that she wasn't going to do anything. I tried to reiterate over and over that this was not "Normal" behavior and that by not reporting what happened we could be considered liable if something worse happened in the future. I am not a mandated reporter but, I clearly understood that if I was; what happened would have been a mandatory report.
My ex then blew up at me and accused me of being and asshole and trying to isolate her from her friend. This was the farthest thing from the truth; since when I was told the boyfriend was abusive, I told my ex since I hadn't seen anything I couldn't do anything but, if her friend had no where to go and wanted to leave she was more than welcome to crash in my spare room. I had to go to work to get ready for the upcoming week so I couldn't keep arguing with her and started getting ready to head out. I told her we would discuss it when I got back and left for work. While I was showering I did consider kicking her out for not taking what happened more seriously but, I decided against it because overall I still liked her at that point and I didn't want her not to have anywhere to go.
While I am at work I text her an apology because admittedly I was mean at the end when she wouldn't take what happened seriously. I told her I still didn't know exactly what I needed to do but that the boyfriends behavior was completely unacceptable. She texts me back that she was breaking up with me and going to stay with her brother. I was a little shocked by this as we had not had any disagreements up until this point and I pressed her to figure out why. At first she lied and tried to say it had nothing to do with the argument and was because she wasn't ready for a relationship. I moved past the fact we had already been in a relationship for two months, she had me in her phone as daddy, was living with me, and had started receiving mail at my apartment and just accepted that she wanted to leave.
When I got back to my apartment a couple of hours later she had already packed her stuff and left. I was sad but I have been through a lot of breakups with women I liked so this wasn't new to me. I started going through my apartment to make sure all my stuff was still there and her stuff was gone. I did reach out to here that night because I wanted her to come get the stuff she had left and at least give me the opportunity to speak my peace in person. At this point I still thought she left because she wasn't ready for a relationship and that she was at her brothers.
At the end of the night, I called her expecting her to be at her brothers, she answered and instead I found out she was at her friends? Yes the one with the boyfriend who had just threatened to shoot me, had assaulted her friend, and put his child in clear danger due to his emotional tantrum. This was the only time I truly snapped at her because I couldn't believe she would do something like that. Two things became clear to me 1.) She never cared about me and was just using me for a free place to stay and free food. Which honestly I wouldn't have cared about if she had just been honest about it. And 2.) She was no longer a witness to what had happened, she was an accessory as she was actively trying to deter me from reporting the behavior.
My understanding of the statues around child abuse is that any action taken in an attempt to conceal child abuse makes you an accessory to said child abuse. Because of all that the feelings I had for her immediately died. I decided to sleep on everything and the next day I wrote out everything that happened and emailed it myself to time stamp the report. I gave it to a coworker that I trusted just to confirm I wasn't crazy. She is a mandated reporter and her words to me were that I absolutely did need to report what happened and that if I didn't she would. So I got the number that I needed to call from my coworker and filed a police report at my local police station. A few days later CPS did pay them a visit and I received a lot of nasty texts accusing me of filing the report because she broke up with me and intentionally trying to get the child taken by child services.
She even tried to say she wanted to get back together later when she was "in a better headspace" I called bullshit because to me and everyone I have told this story to she broke up with me in order to avoid the confrontation and distract me from making the report. Her admission confirmed that her plan was to come back when I had forgotten about what had happened. I quickly told her coming back was not an option for her and that I was not interested in her anymore. AITAH?
Also an update that happened last week, some different friends of my ex reached out to me on FB. I had only met these friends once so I was suspicious as to why they reached out. They did invite me over and looking back I think they were just wanting to get the full scoop on what happened as my ex had told them virtually nothing and had been overly vague as to why we had broken up.
I told them the full story to the best of my ability and they confirmed that similar incidents had happened in the past with the couple and that they do not associate with my exes friends due to the boyfriends behavior. I also learned that apparently one of my exes brothers was on my side and thought his sister was a "fucking idiot."
My exes friends apologized to me and expressed their support and agreed I did the right thing. NGL finding that out did really validate me because it was clear to me my ex was trying to protect her friends abuser but I still didn't understand why. What I have tried to believe, in order to not have so much negative emotion towards my ex, is that in her mind she feels like if she is there with her friend she will be safe. Also if anybody asks the neighbors would be shit witnesses to what happened, they were both under 21, highly intoxicated, and while I'm not sure what they are on narcotics wise. I am 90% sure they get it from the boyfriend. I apologize if this was to long of a read but AITAH?

Does anyone do this? I am flying BOS to DEN this morning and as I was going to the club I noticed someone looking for a seat nearby that looked like they could use a seat close to the gate.
I considered approaching this dude and offering them to join as a companion in the club. I wouldn’t make them sit by me but I acknowledge that I am responsible for their conduct in the club. Has anyone done this? I don’t think United would condone this but I’m just curious.
Depending on the answers I’ll offer it up to a redditor. I’m flying DEN to LAS tomorrow late afternoon. I’ll be at the club around 3:30 PM. If anyone wants a sponsor to the B Club where you can get some food, relax and Colorado craft beer for $5 (This is what they charge for a premium beer—I’m not charging but would buy a round) DM me.

So, this was after she started giving me "therapy" sessions and was the moment i realised that she was treating me like shit. Before that, i would always put up with whatever she did and would always try to appease her.
One day i tried to invite some of my classmates and other people i knew to the bar. Most people turned me down but three agreed. None of them showed up. I sat there for an hour at the bar waiting for them. Didn't return my texts either. They only gave me some shitty excuses a day later. One dude "fell asleep". One girl had to visit her parents. The third i don't remember. Anyway, i was very upset and told this to my friend. And she just started lecturing me on how other people don't have it as fucking easy as me in life and have more important things to do then go to some fucking bar. I should fucking respect that and stop being so fucking entitled. Also, the girl was her friend and she told me that actually, she visits her family every week. So i asked why she couldn't tell me this and instead pretended she will show up. And my friend said that obviously she must have suspected that i'm a psychopath and will rape and murder her. She did it out of safety and i should fucking respect that. She was also complaining on how stupid i am if i don't undestatnd such simple things
Anyway, a week later she texts me in the middle of the night talking on how her friends didn't invite her for a pizza and now she feel abandoned and forgotten. And that she was supposed to throw herself a birthday party but what's the point if people don't care about her. I say that i understand and that she must have felt like she was putting in all the effort for a long time and this was the final straw. And she says no, they just didn't invite her this one time. I like a complete loser tried to cheer her up. Even gave her birthday wishes right on midnight. She in return invited me for that birthday party at 18:00.
So anyway, next day i jump onto the train and text her i'm on my way 16:00. I arrive at her dorm 18:00 and text her "i'm there". No response. I ask at the reception and the lady said my friend isn't there. So i just sit there and wait. At first i told myself that she might just be late, though i knew i was lying to myself. She was my only close friend and i just didn't want it to end like it always does. So i just sat there waiting for some miracle. And after an hour she text me "and i'm not. Went for a pizza. Drop by if you wanna". I still went there hoping there is some explanation. I go inside to a full crowd of her guests. First thing she does when she sees me is say "oh, you are here", look at my shirt and "i'm not shaking your hand in this thing". I sit down. She says i was supposed to arrive 18:00. She searches her messenger ignoring all the messages i sent her, "yup, 18:00. But it doesn't matter, at least you are here". Still hoping this isn't how it looks like, i ask someone how long they've been there. About 1 and a half hour. I say i go for a smoke. Anyone with dignity (and other friends) would leave by that point. I still had to call both of my parents and ask if it's reason enough to get offended because maybe i'm just overreacting. They said she treats me like dirt and i should get out of there. So i went for the bus but i still left her a gift at the reception because a birthday is a birthday and an idiot is an idiot.
Doesn't end there. When i was taking the bus she texts me to quit making a scene and come back. I say that she forgot about me and i'm going home. She says she didn't she even went out for me right now. I say i don't care, i was sitting at the dorm for an hour. She says she thought i was on my way and was waiting for me to text her. I said i did. She says that she texted me back. I say that after an hour. She says to quit making a drama, she had to tell other people where she is too and they aren't complaining. I ask if she made them wait an hour too. She says she didn't make me wait, she was waiting for me to call her. I say "text". She says "no, call". I say she previously said she waited for me to text her. She say that she waited for me to text her and if she doesn't respond, call her. Doesn't matter anyway, she was having a great birthday but i ruined everything.
And it still doesn't end there because we are only halfway through that "friendship". It's only going to get worse from there

First Prev Next
Time seemed to pass much quicker when Ghrruk and I were swimming together, finding small insects or algae to eat, and sleeping in the same place by nightfall. It was strange at first, but I felt safer. As if teamwork made us stronger.
Our front legs started to grow a few weeks after the attack. I was surprised to see Ghrruk’s lost leg regrowing too. It was still a stump, but a little longer.
“Do you think it’ll regrow entirely?” I asked her.
“I hope so. I’m the only one with a missing leg.”
“There are a few others whose legs have been damaged by the predators, though.”
Ghrruk’s tail drooped a little. “I’d rather have a damaged leg than a stump. At least they have a chance that it’d heal…”
“Maybe yours will heal as well. I’ve been looking at it lately and I’m certain it’s growing back.”
“Or maybe our bodies are simply becoming larger. And so does the stump.”
She was quite negative when it came to her leg, even though she saw our future, and Thomas, in a very positive light. Speaking of which, Thomas did install a defense of sorts above our home to protect us from predators. It worked because we hadn’t been bothered since.
THUMP – THUMP – THUMP
Speaking of the human…
“Thomas!”
Ghrruk immediately swam up. She wasn’t as graceful as before her tail started to shrink. The main reason, though, was that she was kicking water with one leg, which made her veer slightly to the left. It was almost unnoticeable. Any other tadpole would think it was the usual way she swam.
She really likes him, I thought, following her from a distance. My trust issues weren’t completely gone. My trip inside the jar had left quite its mark.
Small red worms swirled down and all the other tadpoles frantically ascended to fill their bellies. I did as always, staying a little below the rest, catching whatever came through.
Funny how they trusted Thomas, yet slurped, expelled, and then slurped again on the worm, likely examining the worm to make sure it’s actual food.
“Oh. Oh! Look at you!” Thomas exclaimed. “Some of you have front legs! You’re becoming actual frogs. Amazing!”
Thomas’ face descended so close to the water his nose almost dipped in it. Most tadpoles scattered away in fright, before curiosity – and food! – got the better of them and compelled them return to peek at their savior. I was certain he was looking for me so.
“Ah! Ghost! There you are! Wait a minute.”
The moment he uttered my name I dived down.
Thomas stood up and left. Ghrruk came swimming back to me in swift leg bursts.
“Why do you think he left? He usually stays longer, telling us stories,” she said.
“I don’t know but I don’t have a good feeling about this. I think I’m going to hide behind a rock or something.”
As expected, when Thomas returned, he held a stick of sorts and was looking for something – me! But I had a few good hiding places. It had taken a lot of effort to dig up dirt and arrange things on the bottom.
He tried to catch me with that stick again and again, stirring the bottom of the pond in order to find me. Unlike previous attempt, he didn’t linger for too long, where he’d be waiting for me to take a few gulps of breath. Whatever he tried to achieve, it didn’t seem that important to him. Or maybe he grew tired a lot quicker than the first time he saw me and my peculiarity.
Days turned into weeks, and slowly but surely, we had all grown our forelegs. Our tails were also shrinking, forcing us to adapt a new swimming technique. And best of all, I could distinguish tiny knobs poking out of Ghrruk’s lump, sign that her toes were growing back.
“See,” I said, undulating the end of my tail rapidly, “your leg is growing back!”
“I’m not so sure...”
“It’s really there. I know you can’t see it, but I can. Why won’t you believe me?”
“Because it feels completely different than how it was before. When I walked out of the pond, I could feel every toe on my right leg. My left was just… weird.”
A few bubbles left my mouth.
“Wait, when you what?”
“Walked out of the pond.”
“When did you… how did you walk out of the pond?”
I was so surprised, even though I had seen other tadpoles, or rather, froglets, climb up and out. But that wasn’t reason enough to follow them. I never even thought about it, what with all those predators out there. And let’s not forget Thomas.
“A few days ago,” she said, her body wobbling excitedly. “You were busy digging the sediment to improve our hiding spots, as usual, and when I noticed a fellow froglet clambering out, I wanted to take the leap myself.”
A stream of bubbles left my mouth.
“You went out of our home? To do what? Get killed? Wasn’t losing one leg enough?”
Ghrruk’s kicked her hind legs, floating right in front of me.
“That leg wasn’t my fault,” she declared, her tiny front legs making an abrupt, agitated movement. “I did what everyone else did. You are the weird one, always wishing to hide deep inside our pond, spending countless hours digging in the depths. Don’t you feel the urge to leave? To explore? To have a glimpse what is beyond the water?”
“Maybe later. Now, I want to avoid Thomas. And the predators.”
She slowly drifted backwards, creating some distance between us both.
“Then, we will have to go our separate ways. Thomas is our savior and the outside is safe. Hasn’t he told us that this place is like our pond? Encompassed in such way that we can’t leave but also that others can’t come in? Why won’t you trust him?”
“I guess it’s in my nature not to trust humans.”
Ghrruk blew a few bubbles out. Her mouth gaped open and close, as if she was gasping for air. I knew I had infuriated her.
“Well, I trust him. I have also needs. My body desires to leave this place and find… whatever I need to find.” She twirled in place. “Ghost. See you around.”
Ghrruk sprung her hind legs hard against the water, darting away for the surface. I trailed her until she climbed out of the pond.
Why does she have to do this now?
I carefully popped my head above the water, observing Ghrruk clambering out. Without even glancing behind her, she clumsily snuck between the blades of grass and she was gone.
“Ghrruk? Ghrruk!” I called.
No answer came. Other froglets were following her lead. I decided to dive down to the comfort of my hiding place near the plants, which had grown considerably since the attack. There, I pondered about Ghrruk, about Thomas, about the meaning of my life, and what I ought to do, leaving only for food or air.
During that period, Thomas came and went, unlike Ghrruk, who I didn’t see again. She was gone.
Sometimes, when I ascended, I broke the water to check whether Ghrruk was somewhere around the edge of the pond. All I could see were other froglets, sitting immobile in the shadow, waiting patiently for no apparent reason.
Each day, more froglets left the pond. Of course, they ended up returning. But the murky waters had never felt so lonely. Loneliness. A sense that had never occurred to me. Not before Ghrruk. Thinking about her made me anxious, constantly wondering where she went, and how often she returned to the pond. I was certain she did return, except she never came back to my place, so there was always that possibility... I could only hope she didn’t get eaten.
Then, one day, when my tail had shrunk a bit more and most of my brethren’s color changed from black with tiny specks of brown to a lighter color with larger specks, sometimes even a hue of green, my entire body tingled. A curious sensation, an impulse akin to Ghrruk’s.
This call of nature drove me to the sand bank that Thomas had built on the edge of the pond to let the froglets leave easier. Initially, I thought it was a trick to catch me. But then I realized that it was a lot of effort just for me, and thought he was simply trying to help us, as he has always done.
Ghrruk was right, a voice whispered inside.
My tiny head and eyes popped above the water. No sign of Thomas. I kicked my legs, a new form of swimming that was much faster than the tail undulation, until I set foot on the sand bank. I was about to leave our home. My tiny heart was racing.
Grains of sand stuck to my body. It was a small hindrance, but nothing that would impede my will to find out what was beyond. With a few awkward steps, advancing leg by leg, I arrived at the edge of the grass.
Maybe I will meet Ghrruk today? Mayb – aaah!
“Gotcha, Ghost!”
Thomas!? Why didn’t I hear him come?
My entire body was stuck between his two fingers, so small I was.
“Exactly as I thought! Your eyes. They’re red! They don’t look evil or anything. They’re just… red. That’s so weird.”
If I could’ve screamed, I would have. I attempted to squeeze myself out, but the force of his fingers was far beyond my ability to do anything. My legs were the only thing squirming in place.
“You know what? I think you deserve a new name. A better one.”
Another name? It can’t be much worse than “Ghost”.
“To be honest, I never really liked your name. I know, I’m the one who gave it to you, but it felt a little hollow. Too… translucent, if you know what I mean.”
Thomas chuckled, which scared me even more.
“Hmmm… ‘Red’ is too plain so let’s call you Carmine.”
That’s worse!
“Yes, Carmine sounds good. Do you know what it means?”
I don’t care, I just want to return to the tranquility of my pond and never leave it ever again!
“Carmine’s a Latin name that means ‘Song’. At least, that’s what my teacher told me. It’s also the name of a red color. Slightly deeper than crimson red, though I’m not gonna name you Crimson, right? Besides, Carmine is fitting for you.”
His hand suddenly moved towards his mouth. I was panicking, certain he’d gulp me down and that’d be the end of me. I was completely helpless, unable to get out of his strong grasp, rapidly advancing towards the two red bulges, widening into a circle until –
Smack.
My snout grazed his moist mouth and he inexplicably moved his hand back to where it was, with me still stuck between two fingers in the middle of the void.
“You’re adorable, Carmine. I hope you’ll sing a lot of beautiful songs once you get your frog voice.”
Another shadow loomed over me. Another human.
Thomas’ father? Oh no…
If being scared of what Thomas just did wasn’t enough, the human who detests me had arrived. From our very first encounter, I always felt uncomfortable whenever he was near. Likely because his first advice upon seeing me was to flush me down the drain – whatever that may be.
“Again with that disgusting thing. Throw it away, will you?” he growled.
“Why do you hate this frog so much? It’s such a cute thing. Look at it!”
“Yeah. It looks like piece of mold.”
“What? Because it’s white?”
“If I found that in the kitchen I wouldn’t touch it with my bare hands. Why won’t you just discard it? You’ve got hundreds of healthy frogs. Why are you so obsessed with this one in particular?”
“Maybe because Carmine’s a peculiar frog.”
“Carmine?” His whole body leaned back as he frowned. “Didn’t you name it Spooky or something like that?”
Thomas sighed and his eyes rolled. “No, dad, he was called Ghost, but now that his eye color is more pronounced, I think that Carmine’s a better name.”
“So you won’t –”
“No. Stop asking. He’s my favorite frog of all.”
The father’s head approached. His eyes filled the entire space in front of me.
“That’s why you’re squeezing him to death? Look at how frantically he tries to escape!”
“Oh, sorry, Carmine. I’ve been holding you for so long, it must hurt. Here!”
Thomas crouched and returned me back exactly where I was. Instead of continuing to the grass, I tumbled over. With one swift kick of my legs, I repositioned myself correctly and clambered through that sticky sand, which was now irritating my body – likely due to the lack of moisture – until I reached the water. I surged down to my hiding place and stayed there until Thomas was gone.
Around nighttime, part of me wished to try again, yet I didn’t. I was too scared to be picked up once more.
There’s no way I’m going back there.
But deep inside, I knew that I’d have to leave the pond. I knew I’d have to do the same as the others; explore the great outside and explore the rest of the world. For now, all I wished was to have Ghrruk in my vicinity so we could communicate, eat, and sleep together. If only I could have peace of mind in anticipation of what was to come next.
Good night Ghrruk. I miss you.
First Prev Next

So, someone launched a nuke on Fissure Prime. I traveled over, and set-up my Abandoned Shack in front of V-9. Hopped on top to pop a lunchbox, and saw a High Priest over in the field, so I went and killed him. When I came back to my Shack, there was another High Priest playing my banjo! The nuke is coming in, there are Vault Dwellers everywhere, and this mf is just sitting on my porch playing my banjo. This game still cracks me up sometimes. Who ever coded these dudes to play instruments, well done… you got me.

The internet is a strange place, inadvertently designed to bring out the best and worst in people. People can be whoever or whatever they want to be. For predators and malignant narcissists and who live in their own delusions to begin with, it's like a hunting ground. They can create whatever persona they wish, fill their victims' heads with lies and half-truths that paint them out to be someone they are not, and by the time their victim actually meets them, it's too late - they've already created an image in their mind of this perfect person the narcissist has convinced them they are, and it usually takes time before the curtain comes down, the lies fall apart, and the mask breaks away.
I'm no saint, and I've learned my own tough lessons from the internet. I grew up under not-so-great circumstances, only getting 5 years of education before I turned 18 and was largely raised by a computer screen. Along the way, I catfished a woman in her mid-20's when I was 14-16 years old. It wasn't intentional at first, I told everyone that I was in my mid-20's and I worked as a bouncer at a bar in NYC. I never meant any harm, I was just raised by a computer and spent all my time alone playing MMOs and learned quickly that if I told people how old I was, they'd stop playing with me. So a bouncer seemed like a job I could bullshit about easily enough, and I was a big dude at 6'1 260lbs so I figured I could maybe pass it off as legit if it ever got hectic.
I started playing with this woman in her 20's and her husband frequently. We became friends fast, and soon we were virtually inseparable on the game. Her marriage ended up not working out, and after they separated she told me she had feelings for me. I should've admitted I wasn't who I said I was then, but I was young and dumb and she was the only real friend I had, so I kept up the ruse. Eventually I did come clean, and she broke it off with me not long after. We stayed friends, albeit with my heart hurting pretty bad, for a few months afterwards - until she met Jack.
When she first told me about Jack, he sounded like a great catch. He had his own IT business in Canada, was a couple years older but not by much, and she was infatuated with him. Obviously I was crushed and didn't handle it well, being a practically feral teenager at the time, so not long after they started getting serious she ghosted me altogether. I was around 17 at the time, and shit started going off the rails for me. After I got out of juvie, I started drinking heavily on a near-daily basis and selling and doing drugs. This led to a lot of pathetic, inebriated, desperate attempts to contact her and apologize for how I acted.
After months of being ignored, eventually grief and regret turned to anger, and finally acceptance. When the pain passed and I came to my senses a bit, I had an epiphany and realized that if I loved her as much as I thought I did, the best thing for both of us would be to let her go. I was a high school dropout with no job, selling drugs to get by. She had 2 kids, and what kind of life could I provide for them? She made the right choice, my age and the fact I made a grown woman fall in love with a teenager not withstanding, and as bad as it hurt I realized it was selfish of me not to accept the way things were and leave her alone, so I did.
10 years or so later, I had gotten my shit together. Worked my way up from cleaning dead shit out of swimming pools, to an entry level position at an environmental consulting firm, to a Project Manager at one of the largest firms in the field in the DC area. I'd met someone, got her pregnant, and for some reason I felt a pull to contact her again. Not to rekindle an old flame, but because she had been a tremendously positive influence on my life in a time where I had few. She was the first good thing I had in my life at a time when I was sleeping on old blankets on a hard floor in an abusive home, and what I'd held onto from our time together wasn't our romantic relationship, it was the best friend I'd ever had. And something made me want to tell her that all that work she put into getting my head right wasn't in vain, and I'd finally made it out of the gutter.
So I messaged her on Facebook, and to my surprise she actually responded. We started talking again, and soon it was back to every day. When my baby mama got back on drugs and turned abusive and was putting my daughter's life in jeopardy on a near-daily basis, she was the one who convinced me I could fight for custody - that I had to fight for custody. So I did, and I won, and I've had full custody of of my daughter since she was 6 months old and for the 10 years since.
But eventually we parted ways again. I'd started seeing someone, and part of me knew I couldn't commit to another woman while I was still carrying on with her. Our relationship had started turning romantic again, and she had dropped some hints about old Jack that would come to the forefront later, but she wasn't ready to leave him and I didn't want to be that guy, so I sent her a message explaining why we had to stop talking, apologized, and ghosted her.
7 more years went by after that night. The relationship I abandoned her for soured quickly when I found out that chick was a carbon copy of my baby mama, and I quit dating to focus on my career and raising my daughter. But on the long, 2+ hour commutes each way from work, I often found myself stuck pondering the "what ifs". What if I hadn't ghosted her? What if our age gap wasn't there, and we'd never had to split up to begin with? I knew in my soul I was never going to find someone like her again, but I made peace with it. I imagined her happy life, her kids with Jack, and convinced myself I made the right choice.
Then COVID hit, and near the start of it, I stumbled on a post on reddit about this dude who sent his high school sweetheart a message many years later apologizing for how he treated her and telling her how her presence impacted him, and I thought to myself, "Hey, I did that!". So I started writing a reply, and for the first time told the story of this girl and I. I'd never told a soul about what happened with us, not even my family or closest friends. Maybe it was the stigma of having an online relationship back in those days that carried over, or maybe it was just too personal to share with my friends or family. It got long, so eventually I just decided to start a new thread. When I was done, it was so long I figured no one would ever read it, but I hit submit anyway and put my phone down and got back to work.
Well, I was wrong. People did read it - a lot of people. Soon my phone started blowing up. Thousands of comments, hundreds of DMs, people offering me book deals and asking if they could have the rights for a screenplay or have me on their podcasts. It was fucking surreal, and being generally a private person who tries to fly under the rader, it got overwhelming fast. Eventually I reached out to her again on Facebook, warned her about what happened, and apologized for putting her business out there.
She didn't respond for a couple weeks, and when she did we started talking again almost immediately. And then in mid-April 2020, she told me that she needed to talk to me. She spilled everything, and told me exactly who Jack was. How he would hack into her devices to spy on her, threaten to kill her and her partner if she ever left him, say vile things to her and her daughters, calling the young girls cunts and bitches. How he alienated all her friends and family, and kept them all isolated in the house her parents bought them that he would rarely leave.
And I felt deceived too. All those years I'd convinced myself that she was happy, that she got together with Jack and was living the life she deserved. In reality, Jack intentionally got her pregnant not long after he flew out to her state the first time. He quickly moved into her house, and refused to work or provide not only for her kids or their kids, but for the other 3 children he abandoned in Australia and Canada who he had no relationship with, with 3 different women he victimized in the same manner. When she was 8 months pregnant with their first kid, she was working nights doing hospice care while he sat on his ass playing videogames all night and talking to his ex. In 17 years, this fucking loser with 7 kids by 4 women worked a grand total of 5 weeks, quit his job, claimed he got PTSD from the experience, and somehow manipulated his way into getting SSDI for it. They survived off SSDI and her parents' charity for years.
But Jack was reading all of this, because like I mentioned earlier, he was hacking her devices and watching us talk remotely. Jack knew the jig was up, and slowly started to unravel. She told him she wanted a divorce, and that she was not going to sever her friendship with me again. And he pretended to take that well, going as far as to try to befriend and manipulate me. He tried every trick to keep her he'd done for years - telling her he was going to get help and would change first, then when that failed he made suicide threats and somehow got his therapist to call her and tell her as long as she didn't leave him he wouldn't kill himself, and then he tried to intimidate her. Eventually he went off the rails completely and sexually assaulted her when he thought she was sleeping.
She called me from her parents' house crying the night it happened, and I convinced her to file a police report. She did, and a couple weeks later Jack got removed from the home, served with a protective order, and charged for sexual abuse. This of course did nothing to stop Jack - he broke into their house a couple days later when she and the kids were out to upload a folder of revenge porn to his Google Drive under the guise of wanting to drop off a cake for her birthday.
Then the stalking started. Jack would relentlessly message her all day and night on Facebook, switching between rage, trying to garner sympathy, convince her he would change, and threatening self-harm. We later found out via a cyber forensics report that he was hacking into the laptop she had taken with her while she hid at her parents' and had been so bold as to steal her Victim Impact Statement and send it to all his World of Warcraft buddies as a joke.
And he didn't just stalk her, he came for me too. Constant unauthorized attempts to access my accounts for everything from Windows to my bank, spam calls and emails - shit, the wormy little fuck even got his friends to stalk my social media and pretend to be strangers to gaslight me. I ignored all of it, and he got desperate enough to send me a lovely message attempting to extort and blackmail she and I, claiming he had "all my posts" but wouldn't do anything with them if I called him. The tipping point for me is when he subscribed to my small YouTube channel - which had nothing on it but 3 videos of my daughter. That veiled threat wasn't lost on me.
But Jack fucked up. I don't know if he thought his insane nonsense would scare me off, or if in his delusions he really thought he was the bad mother fucker he convinced himself he was, but Jack didn't know jack about me. I'm a crazy fuck too, and while he was sitting on his fat ass playing World of Warcraft all day every day for the past couple decades, I was selling drugs and hanging with some of the grimiest mother fuckers Baltimore had to offer. I've seen and experienced a lot of real violence outside a computer monitor, and the prospect of a violent resolution to this saga didn't phase me a whole lot. I'd spent years trying to be a better person and avoid conflict, but I sure as shit wasn't afraid of it either. Leading up to this point, I was already trying to calm myself down and talk myself off the ledge and not pack my guns and drive out there to keep watch until the police did their thing and put him away, which took a lot longer than it should have - this fucking guy violated his protective order 80 times in just a couple weeks.
So I called him, and he spent the next 26 minutes crying over the phone like a drunk little bitch, while I tried my best to be kind and to talk him off the ledge. And yes, I did record it, and yes it is hysterical listening to it now in hindsight, and yes I still have the recording. Anyway, I told him he was scaring the shit out of her and the kids, and he promised to leave us alone and I told him if he could chill the fuck out I would try to talk her into giving him more access to the kids. The next day, she got an email from her first ex-husband - Jack had reached out to him with a link to my reddit post trying to get help from him to come after me, which he promptly shut down and sent to her.
The next few weeks were terrifying as Jack descended further into madness and became more scared and desperate. He knew she was gone and not coming back, and he was facing real charges and real jail time, and while Jack is a fucking moron in a lot of ways, I'm sure he knew a fat, greasy computer nerd with a sex offense conviction wasn't going to have a good time in County. Jack was a murder-suicide waiting to happen, the police were doing nothing to stop his stalking, and I felt powerless to help her. Eventually after he sent her $50 over PayPal at 4:00am with what appeared to be a suicide note, I had enough. I called the DA's office, asked them why the fuck this was being allowed to happen, and promised them I'd been taking meticulous notes and if anything happened to her I would be taking it straight to the media. The DA told me if I was going to make threats the conversation was over, but sure enough he was finally arrested not long after.
Ironically we had remained platonic friends through most of this, but the shared experience of dealing with this psycho brought us closer together and things quickly changed. We knew he wasn't going to stop when he got out of jail, I felt responsible for her safety after my stupid reddit post started this chain of events that led to Jack's unraveling, and with the world seemingly coming apart during COVID, decided if we were ever going to meet it felt like it was now or never. So I booked a plane ticket across the country, spent a week with her and her family, and a few days after I came home she flew out to visit me and meet my family.
We went into it with no expectations. I fully accepted we might not click and our relationship would go back to being platonic. For my part, I just wanted the closure of finally meeting this person who had such a profound impact on my life before COVID mutated or something and killed us all.
But we did click, and the next two weeks were life-changing. I met and cooked for her entire extended family the day after I arrived, and it went well. While I was there I got her mom's email address, and after I went home I had an idea. I knew her parents had met in DC, so I emailed her mom and asked her for a list of places that were special to her, and she told me about the church her parents had met in. I asked her to keep our conversation secret so it would be a surprise, and she did.
So when she comes out to the east coast, I take her on a tour through DC and park the car a few blocks down the street from the church. As we're walking by, she notices the church and comments on how beautiful it is.
I keep it cool and respond, "Yeah, that's a pretty important place.".
She looks at me and says, "Oh? Why's that?".
"That's where your parents met.".
She audibly gasps, giddily bounces a bit, starts to cry, and we pulled down our masks (fuckin covid) and kiss. Her reaction is easily one of the greatest memories in my life. What I didn't know at the time, was that her parents had told her about that church since she and her siblings were kids. When the church changed denominations, the church took the angel statue off the top and brought it back to her home state, and her parents had taken them to see it a few times throughout her childhood.
Anyway, getting sidetracked here, the sappy love story stuff is a different story altogether.
A month after we met for the first time, I had quit my job, sold everything I couldn't fit in my sedan, and she flew back out and drove across the country with my daughter and I.
Sounds crazy as hell, and it was, but it worked out better than it should have. I got a good job making more than I did back home right away, her kids loved me, and my daughter loved her and adjusted to her new home fast. And by the time Jack got out of jail for felony cyberstalking, sexual abuse, and Intimidation of a Witness in a Domestic Violence case, we had cameras all over the house, and I had taught my fiancee how to shoot - which she quickly became better than me at.
But Jack's time in jail didn't slow him down, and the 2-10 year suspended sentence didn't deter him at all. As a matter of fact, on his first day out one of the first things he did was start trying to hack her accounts again. He managed to con an elderly couple he knew threw World of Warcraft from a different state into letting him live with them, and from there he spent a lot of time and energy stalking us and hacking our devices to the best of his ability. He also convinced these poor, very stupid elderly people from his videogame to bankroll a lengthy, expensive divorce. Somehow a man who hadn't worked in almost 20 years managed to run us into over $50,000 in legal fees in two years. How a marriage with zero assets turned into a two year battle when both parties were officially in poverty before the divorce, or how the family courts never saw through the bullshit is beyond me.
To Jack's credit, he did a pretty good job remaining a thorn in our side. Largely due to the complete and utter ineptitude and indifference of the police and District Attorney who could and should have put a stop to his bullshit at any point in that time. Old Jack got hit with a permanent criminal stalking injunction and a 10-year protective order along with his probation, and no amount of effort on our part would get the police, DA, or probation to put a stop to it, despite mountains of evidence.
He successfully managed to draw the divorce out right up to the wedding we planned a year and a half prior, with his attorney putting in motion after motion to delay the process. With all our family and friends coming from all over the country and as far away as Japan, we accepted our wedding would just be a celebration and not an official wedding. Until the night before the wedding, she got a call from her attorney - he had made a call to the clerk's office at the court and got her to move the paperwork to finalize the divorce to the top of the pile, and she was officially divorced. Our wedding would be a real wedding after all, and despite Jack's best efforts, he lost again. We had the wedding on a remote ranch that we rented for a week, and foolishly decided to cater and decorate ourselves, which would have been a colossal undertaking without the extra 4 hours to drive into town and get our marriage certificate at the courthouse. But we pulled it off and it was everything we could have hoped for and then some, and we were officially married.
Jack of course didn't stop after the divorce was finalized. The list of shit he tried to do to us before and after that is too long to spell out in an already too long post, but here are some choice bits:
He wrote a demented letter to the oldest of his kids with her who severed her relationship with him, calling my wife and her mother "vipers and cowards" and promising we would "answer for what we've done sooner or later".
He continuously hacked our computers, miscellaneous accounts tied to our emails, and any other devices he could get into - dropping in remotely via Amazon Alexa, phones, etc.
He set up bots to send us thousands of spam emails, sign us up for dozens of international newsletters all at once, and requests for consultations for things like solar panel installations.
He told the kids vile lies about my wife and I, although the most egregious was when he used a court-ordered therapy appointment with his second oldest daughter to accuse me of distributing child porn, told the therapist I am an "evil man", and told him I wasn't safe to be around his daughters. This led to her being forensically interviewed by the police, where she spelled out what happened, but of course they did nothing.
He gave the two youngest children cell phones to sneak into our house, with Google accounts activated and location tracking turned on.
He sent packages to our house 5 times in the space of a few months, one of which was addressed to himself and contained nothing but a bag of Stevia and a pack of gum. These packages generally came to our door the day before his scheduled visitation with the kids.
During this time my bank account was hacked four times in the span of just a few months with nearly identical fraudulent charges. In each of these instances, I had completely changed my bank account information.
He filed false reports with CPS twice, alleging we were beating the children, locking them in the closet, and not feeding or bathing them. This led to a CPS agent coming to our house to investigate.
We brought all this to the police over and over as it happened, and they did nothing. The DA running the case wasted 5 months subpoenaing a fake email address that we told them when we reported it was fake and spoofed. After finding out about that, we went to the DA's office to find out what the fuck was going on. A Victim's Advocate met with us, and was horrified about how the case was handled, looked up the prosecutor assigned to the case, rolled her eyes and said "Oh...it's Stephanie", confirming what we already knew - this prosecutor was completely incompetent, an elect3d politician moonlighting as a prosecutor. She called us the next day to tell us the actual DA called a meeting and a warrant was put out for Jack's arrest. For some inexplicable reason, they pulled the warrant back, and the advocate told us it was because the DA was pursuing more serious charges.
Then, they stonewalled us. The Victim's Advocate we had met with that actually tried to help us was moved off our case, and the new one assigned refused to talk to us or return our calls. The few exchanges we had with her, she made it abundantly clear she had the DA Office's interests in mind and not ours. We decided to just stay quiet and let the process play out and hope for the best, up until we received an email on Friday night before Election Day from the Detective telling us Stephanie had closed the case. I assume she didn't want her incompetence coming to light, and didn't want to shut the case down before Election Day knowing we would be on the warpath.
Eventually, Jack caught wind that he was officially under criminal investigation, but clearly had no idea they were never going to press charges. He got quiet for a bit, until he was ultimately let off probation early. We still get the occasional reminder he's out there watching, but his fear of going back to jail and the belief it might happen cowed him a bit. So instead he harasses us through the family courts, filing constant bullshit motions with no evidence to support them, and for some reason the courts let it continue. Somehow a man who makes ~$800 from SSDI and is only paying $30 a month total to support his 3 kids with my wife is able to fund tens of thousands of dollars worth of legal proceedings every year, and no one in the family courts has ever stopped to ask how he is paying for it or why all this money isn't being spent on supporting these children.
But despite Jack's best efforts, his bullshit hasn't worked. My wife and I have been together for four years soon, and married for two. His kids call me dad and hate his guts, only seeing him because the courts force them to. I continue to advance in my career, landing two major promotions in the past 2 years and now running a division in one of the largest companies in my field in this part of the country. I just enrolled in college to go back to school and get a degree in family law with a focus on domestic violence. The most frustrating part of the whole experience with ol' Jack was having no one to turn to when all the institutions who were supposed to keep this from happening ignored us, and even though I'll be well into my mid 40's before I accomplish my new goals, I plan to advocate for domestic violence victims and do everything I can to lobby for change to these laws to keep as many people as I can from going through what my wife and I did. I learned that the only way to beat these people at their game is to play on the same field right along with them, and that's what I intend to do.
My wife went back to work too once she healed from some of the trauma, making $30 an hour as a personal assistant for a fella who's had two movies made about his life. Our kids struggled a bit with school and dealing with all their biological parents' issues, but they quickly turned it around and have been excelling. We're all happy, healthy, and doing better now than ever.
As for Jack? Well, he's pushing 50 and still spending his days alone, playing World of Warcraft and jerking off in this old couple's basement. Nothing has changed there, and now he's too fat, old, and visibly an enormous fucking loser to victimize women in the same way he did in his youth. I have no doubts he'll find another victim eventually, probably when these old weirdos bankrolling his life now finally wise up, but one thing Jack forgets is that karma is a mother fucker, and I have a giant database of evidence that I can and will send out to whoever I please to help pull that mask down and keep him from doing this to someone else. Nothing is more appealing to a potential love interest than hearing their man cry like a drunk bitch for 26 minutes to the man he claims stole his wife, while simultaneously admitting to sexually assaulting said wife.
As wonderful as it would have been for Jack to go to prison where he can't hurt anyone again, there is some catharsis knowing Jack will forever be in a prison of his own making. His children want nothing to do with him, and he'll never see them graduate or walk them down the aisle. Jack will die miserable and alone, and in his narcissistic delusion will still be blaming everyone else for the colossal failure of his life, while continuing to fail to grasp the one thread that ties all his misery together - himself.
And since he somehow manages to find and stalk most of my social media, I'd wager Jack will end up reading this too. I hope he does in all honesty. And Jack, if you are reading this, I want you to know that you can kick, flail, manipulate and lie, cry and complain until you're red in the face. None of it matters. You don't matter. You'll leave this world alone, as sad and bitter as you are now, and the world will be a better place for it.

NOTE: This is both a story of how I got into the game, but also about my late guild leader who I still look back on very fondly. Feel free to skip and share your experience :)
With the approach of Cataclysm, the expansion that created my addiction to this game, I thought it would be fun to reminisce on personal greatest moments in this game. For me, this starts in Cata.
Some info to know, I played a dwarf paladin. I was a super noob for pretty much all of wrath, only ever getting to level 70, maybe not even that. Just sat around goldshire with my cousin and some randos most of the time. When I did dungeons, I used to go in as a prot dps, because I liked that spec the most. I can't tell you how many times I've been shouted at by other people in dungeon queues lol. My favorite things to do in WoW at the time were to just solo big things that walked the earth, like the fel reaver in Hellfire Peninsula, and later that Thrym guy in Zul'Drak.
So fast forward to Cata, and I actually start leveling. I see all these dudes with purple armor that I couldn't wear and I wanted some of that, cuz it looked cool. So I put in the effort and I get my first max level character in this game. Fun thing to note, my first run of the Stonecore, the drake dropped and I won that shit with a 100 roll. Everyone was pissed off and linked DPS meters (first time I've ever seen that before) to say that I didn't deserve it.
So anyways, I hit level 85 and the only place I know I can access that delicious purple armor was the PVP vendor, so I got a whole fucking set. Felt like a total bad ass. This whole time I've been just sorta guild hopping around, and I eventually ended on a group called "the Cruzaders" ran by a guy we'll call Brew. Brew was the fucking best. Father of 3 already, just gaming a little here and there. When I found out that this guild did RAIDS, I immediately messaged Brew to try and get in. He asked me what my dps was and I had told him that I don't know what that means lol.
Brew was the first person to tell me about addons, and he sat down with me for a few hours to explain not only about them, but about my rotation, my gear, and what would be required of me to join this guild on a raid. I remember the first time he asked me to smack a training dummy for 3 minutes to see what my dps was. The adrenaline was coursing through my veins, I was so nervous to impress, I didnt wanna fuck anything up. I popped all my cooldowns and RIPPED IT. By the end of those 3 minutes, my dps was a solid 3k... Not even close to what he was asking of me. He said I needed to be doing at least 10k to get in, and explained what I could do to get there.
Step 1 was changing my gear. I needed to step it up in ilvl and get rid of all this PVP gear I was hauling around. Well guess what was just released? ZA/ZG, baby! I spent the next 2 weeks farming heroics and ZA/ZG's for gear, as well as reading guides to improve my DPS because my rotation was definitely not up to snuff.
Time for the next sit-down with Brew. Same thing, 3 minute timer on a training dummy. This time, we were going crazy, ending with 13k dps! I felt like a beast, and he gave me the greenlight to show up to raid. I think we killed Halfus in BoT, and wiped on the dragon duo for 2 hours, but that was my first taste of raiding, and it was a thirst that runs deep to this day. Ill never stop chasing that dragon. This was the beginning of my WoW career, that whole adventure.
Brew was an amazing dude, incredibly patient, as well as kind. He was my GM until I wanted to move forward with pushing harder bosses in MoP but I stayed in contact with him for years and years afterwards. One day I got a call from a mutual friend, we'll call her Megan (I followed her to this next guild), and she told me Brew passed away unexpectedly. I cried a lot for this man. He was like a father to me, to an extent. I would sit in ventrillo with him and Megan for hours and just talk about bullshit. I miss him a lot, and I hope his family is doing well. If you made it this far, thank you for reading.
I look forward to reading some of your responses. :)

Hello Apes.
Back with another review of all the tweets sent from memelord and cat inspiration, Roaring Kitty.
If you missed my first review for 13th May, you can find it here.
To reiterate, the description of each tweet is to the best of my knowledge the references made and the speculation is pure speculation on my part, this is just for fun and shouldn't be taken as any financial advice, make your own decisions, I just like the stock. If you have anything to add feel free to in the comments and I'll do my best to update the post.
11am - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790396654971224430
Description: The infamous scene from the movie Troy where Achilles rather reluctantly at first, comes forward to fight the mighty Boagrius. Achilles runs at him, defending against a few spear throws then with one epic jump and slide, stabs Boagrius with this blade killing him in one clean strike. The music dubbed on this clip is Counting Bodies Like Sheep To The Rhythm of the War Drums by A Perfect Circle.
Speculation: Chosen warrior blessed by the gods comes forward in front of the masses and takes out the big baddie. You could make the speculation that the song could reference something to do with DRS (A Perfect Circle) and SHFs bleeding out (counting bodies like sheep).
11.30am - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790404203715887238
Description: First of all we have a cat talking to itself in the mirror stating the words, "Don't be the bigger person today, be the person that helps them understand that sometimes when you f**k around, we find out...". We then cut to arrested development where Buster who is portrayed as a bear has something to say, "i wanna shoot down everything you say, so i feel good about myself. cause i'm an uptight [insert copious amounts of swearing].
Speculation: First part DFV knows they (Shorts) have messed around again and have been doing it dirty. The gig is up again, time to close and pay up. The second part is a funny scene from arrested development where Buster, a character who just cannot fit in properly goes AWAL to try and show he has a nasty side, it just comes across as way too far. DFV just poking fun at bears here no doubt.
12:00pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790411757120561628
Description: First we have a scene from The Town where Doug says to James, "I need your help. I can't tell you what it is, you can never ask me about it later, and we're gonna hurt some people." and James replies, "Who's car are we going to take?" Then it cuts to Mad Max where there are a load of sand buggy cars going nuts with flame throwers and all sorts of chaos with the song Du Hast by Rammstein playing in the background.
Speculation: I haven't seen the Town but from reading online this scene showed the amazing friendship between Doug and James when James simply replies, who's car are we going to take? in response to what sounds like a risky ask for help from Doug. Then with Mad Max: Fury Road we have a film about a post apocalyptic survivor in Max Rockatansky who eventually brings down a warlords Citadel (hmmm).
12:30pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790419301976903884
Description: First we have the whistling of Omar from The Wire, then we have a scene from the Kingsmen where they are locked in a pub with Galahad and the quote "Manners maketh man" and finally we have a scene from Oldboy with a big fight scene cut alongside some anime which is from demon slayer
Speculation: The whistling is synonymous with Omar and is to the tune of a nursery rhyme, "the farmer in the dell", anyone that watched The Wire would know instantly that this means Omar is coming and this means you best get out the way as he is coming with his double-barreled shotgun and he certainly won't hesitate to use it. The Kingsmen scene where they are locked in the pub is a particularly violent scene and it's an interesting film to reference, the plot *Film spoiler here* is essentially about a boy named Eggsy from a lower-class neighbourhood who's father dies and he finds out that his father was part of an elite inner circle of upper class. After trying to be part of this group, Eggsy discovers their secret plot to take over the world and takes it into his own hands to save the day. u/ ThePhenomNoku talks about the last 2 referenced films; "So the anime is demon slayer. It’s about a kid who has everything taken from him and trains to learn how to fight demons. Though as a sidenote he kind of carries one around with him. It’s complicated.The other movie with the guy holding the person, & the fight scene is the original Oldboy, and without giving too much of the plot away it’s about a dude who is falsely imprisoned for a couple of years or so, and then enacts his revenge."
Edit\* As u/ omegs points out: whistle is "The farmer in the dell, Hi-ho, the derry-o" reference to the circle. The movie Kingsmens: The Golden Circle as well
1:00pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790426851409817615
Description: Firstly we have the scene from Oceans 11 where Danny Ocean is chatting to Rusty Ryan right in the initial stage of their plan to heist the casino. He talks about how it's never been done before, will need planning and a large crew and Ryan asks if they are going to use guns, he replies "not exactly, there's lots of security" and finally Ryan asks "what's the target?". We then cut to a film i'm not aware (anyone help here?) of where an older gentleman shows a calculator to a young woman and the calculator says "Just up" on it then the woman says "yes that looks correct"
Speculation: In Oceans 11 there was a lot of planning and variables that had to happen for everything to work. It was a high risk high reward plan with a lot set up to go against but it's possible. The target has always been "just up", DFV just reiterating what he said in the first place.
1:30pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790434400494116873
Description: First we have a scene from Old School where he states, "A loophole?" "Yes. Well, it's interesting, sir. As stupid as they appear, they're actually very good at paperwork. It's quite an anomaly." then it cuts to a scene from the same film with the C&C factory everybody dance now song and a cheerleading dance attempt
Speculation: Of course with the loophole stuff it could be about all of the DD that has been done on what has gone on over the years but it could equally be about SHFs finding loopholes to get out of the mess they are in with the stock. The second part the judges clearly don't feel the attempt of the cheerleading or gymnastics piece they are portraying is any good but they are giving it a go and it's suppose to a comedy. Note the school is the cougars, cat links again of course.
Edit\* As u/ omegs points out: Loophole is reference to circle. Notice how the mascot is similar to a cat that does backflips into the center of the circle
2:00pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790441953659687421
Description: The first part is taken from The Batman and has Batman's monologue running and when the Batman signal is fired into the sky, a kitty shadow is shown instead of the Batman logo. It ends with an emphasis on "Fear is a Tool".
Speculation: Batman was of course a good hero who would rid the streets of criminals, they would scare just at the sight of the batman signal being fired knowing that they were about to get wrecked. In this clip, two years has been replaced with three years in the monologue and the kitty signal is of course a nice touch.
2:30pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790449499506192405
Description: This clip is taken from Mr Robot and is where Elliot plays eXit, a text based computer game that requires him to answer a series of questions in a text based game.
Speculation: I think it's best just to give the description of what happens in this scene taken from the fandom page. Elliot chooses to sit down with the friend in the dungeon. He lights a match and reads the note "Don't leave me here." Elliot chooses to stay. The alarm shuts off. An explosion happens nearby. Robot opens the door to find a fire raging outside. He concludes it's too late. Both of them sit down. They each say "I love you." Explosions rage around the room. "It's an exciting time in the world," Elliot says. Fade to red. Take from that what you will.
3:00pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790457051115847720
Description: This scene is taken from the movie Scream (2022), a direct sequel to Scream 4. A lot of the text has been changed but to summarize, one person states "he is making a requel" then there is some talk about the squeeze movie that came out last year and how most people in the actual know hated it and how "squeeze mid" pissed on their "covidhood", how the main character is a mary sue? Then a few cuts of Scream and how real squeeze movies have meta slasher whodunnits and that to some people the original is their favorite thing in the world
Speculation: A requel is A movie which revisits the subject matter of an earlier film but is not a remake or a linear continuation of its plot (i.e. a sequel or prequel). So essentially what is happening right now with the stock is not exactly the same of what has happened before but it is essentially a revisit of the same subject regarding squeezes. A mid squeeze implies that it wasn't as high as the squeeze could have gone and the theme of slashers and murdered people really suggests heads will roll (SHFs hopefully).
3:30pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790464599575167004
Description: This is a scene from Candyman where he has come for the woman. There is some cat flashes and images going on and the Woman in this is tagged as a bear (that is someone who is down on a stock or market, usually would short). Candyman talks about how there is no need for the bear to leave yet and that he was obliged to come then he says "be my victim" and a bumble bee comes out of the word be.
Speculation: Time is running out for the bear, they can hang around for a while longer but they will be the victim. This is more of the DFV is coming for you as he dresses himself up as a rampaging murderer targeting the bear in this case. Not sure on the bee, whether that is DFV just having some fun or if it's that a sting is coming in some sense.
4:00pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790472153470759217
Description: Taken from No Country for Old Men, Carson states he is a day trader and that Anton doesn't have to do this (Anton is going to kill him) tell him he could just go home. Carson continues that Anton could have 14 grand out of an ATM and just walk away before finally stating "do you have any idea how crazy you are?". Anton replies, "you mean the nature of these memes?" to which Carson says "I mean the nature of you!" The scene ends with the phone ringing.
Speculation: DFV putting himself into the mode of Anton from No Country for Old Men is quite the statement. For those who haven't seen this movie, Anton is a wrecking ball of a killer and adheres by his rulebook to seek out different people through the movie to take out. Carson being the desperate short seller here who is not understanding why DFV isn't just playing by the usual financial rules and taking his gains and going. The phone ringing at end could be an implication of margin calls ringing for the desperate short seller.
Edit\* As u/ omegs points out: I think the ATM might be a double meaning "At The Money"
8:00pm - https://x.com/TheRoaringKitty/status/1790532552828289526
Description: This is taken from Braveheart and the prisoner (William Wallace) is asked to say a word in a famous scene where WW shouts "FREEEEDOM" only in this clip its "GAMESTOOOOOOOP".
Speculation: This is the first direct reference to Gamestop word for word and it should be noted that this is the scene where William Wallace is about to be executed. Could mean that DFV is willing to risk it all for Gamestop like William Wallace martyring himself for the freedom of Scotland.
Hope you enjoyed.
Love ya DFV

I'll go first...
Oh man, let me get into this one. Yall should sit back get a drink and a snack this is going to be fun.
So back in 2010 on a mighty little FFG we were on our 3rd Med Cruise in the last 2 years and our female XO just kinda went off the deep end.
We were in Oman during Ramadan so that means no drinking out in town, so 3 days of beer on the pier. On the first night the XO got blitzed by like 7pm and she got in the mood if you know what I mean. By 9pm she had sexually assaulted 3 of our more fit junior Sailors. The tamest was just ass grabbing and the worst was full on down the shirt into the shorts grabbing. (STG2 later was crying in his rack saying it was like his grandma molesting him). XO was in her 50s at that time as she was a prior enlisted. Anyways our 3MC later that night was feeling what she was putting down and they proceed to make their way back onboard grab something from the chiefs mess, make out in that little alcove outside the chiefs mess and the galley, and get caught and video taped by the bread cooks, cause guess what only one door in and out of the galley. (Later found out that the bread cook sent the video home to his wife). XO and 3MC make their way up to the XO cabin and a glorious night together.
That is till the CO wakes them up the next morning. Both of them get 30 days restriction to the ship. XO also gets the start of an NCIS investigation at this time as well. (Remember that video that got sent back stateside well that thing turned to fire and spread faster than dry trees going up in Cali. It all accumulated during an FRG meeting when the 3MCs wife finally learned what happened. Let just say 3MC spent the next 5 years on a ship cause he was beyond broke after she was done with him.)
So anyways 30 days pass and we pull into Gaeta Italy, and NCIS show up to do their stuff which bad for the XO but good for us as our 3 day visit turns into 2 weeks. XO somehow talks her way into getting to go out into town, but she has to be escorted. Good ol JORG is about to have his world f@×ked, an hour into being escorted the XO has to use the restroom and is just gone. This dude waited an hour in the restaurant for her to come back before freaking out and spending the next 6 hours roaming the streets for her. JORG comes back onboard about 9 pm sobbing about how he can't find the XO and the CO is going to kill him. When some guys come back onboard and ask the OOD why the XO was on a German Oiler? So the CDO, MA1, and the JORG head up the pier to the Oiler to retrieve the XO. They get on the Oiler and head to the O-mess where the XO is yet again smashed. CDO tries to get her up and drag her out when she loses her shit, cussed them out, and told them to get the fuck off she is the XO and she is staying the night on the Oiler. She STAYED THE NIGHT.
NCIS meets her the next morning on the ship, and they are done with her shit. She is confined to the ship again and is going to be escorted off the ship by them tomorrow morning straight to the airport and back stateside. I get off the OOD watch at 0400 and head up to the shop on the 02 level leaving the door open so I can get cell service. So at 0500 here comes NCIS pass the door and bang on the XOs door. They try to open it and she has it locked from the other side. She is yelling at them that she just got out of the shower and she isn't quite ready yet and to give her 30 min. NCIS is yelling back to get out now. They leave to go smoke about 20 min they come back start banging on the door and the XO still won't open the door. Now NCIS is screaming at her that if she doesn't get the door open now they will cut it off the hinges. A bit after 0600 here comes HT1 walking past the shop door with a shit eating grin on his face and tells me this is about to be the best day of his life. Gets to the XOs door plugs in the torch, puts his gear on and proceeds to cut the hinges off the door. With a pull and a crash there goes the door. What was susposed to have been a quiet walk off is now gone and NCIS is now pulling and dragging a kicking XO off the ship as she is screaming she is the XO and she isn't leaving.
Icing on the cake they missed their flight. Anyways she got back stateside and got forced retired out.

this might be a lot and not the place for this but someone bear with me (22m) please ;_; was talking to my family about my experiences with magic mushrooms, and my grandfather (mom’s side) said something like “be careful, my brother had a schizophrenic episode after taking lsd- we found him rambling about the molecule and he had poorly drawn out a picture of the molecule on the ground.” but i don’t think there’s ever been a conversation about him having schizophrenia? anyway then he went on to ramble about the “this is your brain on drugs”/scrambled eggs commercials that would come on tv a long time ago. and given our family histories which i will elaborate on, i feel like this is a conversation that should have happened much sooner?? or maybe he was just talking out of his ass idk lmao
mental illness seems to run in the family on both sides with alcoholism being pretty prevalent in a lot of both my mom and dad’s relatives. my dad’s brother killed himself with a gun when they were in highschool and my dad found the body. ultimately he became a pretty abusive alcoholic, and he was really prone to mood swings looking back at it. I was put in therapy after my mom divorced him but we never really talked as a family. my older sister inherited his hip deformity that made him unfit for the catholic high school his brothers all went to, and a virus that caused her to have emergency surgery at birth (which left her deaf in both ears, and she stands 4’7” at 25 years old) he picked on her and our older brother a lot, and we all struggle socially. My brother kept to himself a lot until he died at 19 in a freak car accident on a road trip with his friends. Guy with dementia snuck out and got in a car with his dog at like 2am, took an exit ramp onto the highway going the wrong way right as they took the same one, spun out and all then all lights went out, so they got rear ended by a tractor trailer. that model of jeep had a defect where the trailer hitch would break and push in to the gas tank, causing an explosion. happened a couple times prior and was actually almost recalled years before (-: trucking company policy was call your superiors before anyone else, phone records reflected that phone call did in fact happen while those kids were burning to death. i dont blame that poor driver knowing what little i know about trucking and their work conditions, and i got half of a music degree paid for by my share of the settlement. i’ve always felt like that would not have happened if these were not several upper middle class suburban families who were affected by the tragedy, who could afford to pursue legal action for years against an entity like that. I think the community rallied to donate some but even then, it was a fairly affluent community
the last time i saw my dad was at my brothers funeral. i was 14 and it had been a couple years already, but he aged so poorly much i mistook him for his dad who had died a decade prior. i don’t think we spoke until a few years later on the phone, and it was the last time we spoke. he was antagonizing my mom with his usual nonsense that she was making him out to seem like a bad guy to us, and that she was secretly in love with her cousin (who she has always been very close to) — i told him to go fuck himself — that was a reccuring taunt of his our whole childhood, which i always thought was weird but never thought much of it. eventually my brother no longer wanted to visit my mom’s extended family once he had a say in it, and he never really wanted to talk about it either. a few years after my brother died, we were visiting the cousin in question, when i woke up just in time to see them kiss. I went back to sleep like I saw nothing and my sister texted me in the morning telling me she saw the same thing.
Apart from the yknow, incest, she remarried two years before my brother died- so naturally we confronted her about it and she just sort of fawned and said she had too much to drink and that it won’t happen again. they always get too drunk together at family events and I have glimpsed kissy face emojis and other suggestive language on her phone that she obviously was trying to shield with her hands.
Now I’m questioning pretty much everything. I don’t think it was long after that when my dad went missing, which my mom only noticed because he hadn’t sent birthday cards for a whole year, and within a year of that he was found in florida, dead on the street with fentanylin his blood. he was either dosed or killed himself. My family told me he died of natural causes accelerated by his alcoholism when it first happened and didn’t mention the fentanyl until very recently. Im wondering what else could they have they lied about or just have not told me because they don’t think I need to know?
One thing I try not to think too much about is something my mom said just once when I was little, about how when my sister was born the Doctors advised them not to have more kids bc it would be risky, “but I turned out fine” or something. My dad never came to visit our family on my mom’s side that i can remember, and when I was really little we spent a lot more time with her cousin doing a lot of quality time stuff; movies, mini golf, etc. The guy also drank a lot but he’s had better luck kicking the worst of his habits I guess.
JFC what do i make of all of this
….
i also sometimes feel like i’m getting schizo-baited by all of my targeted adds and articles on all of social media and sometimes i feel like im being watched so i don’t go anywhere or talk to my friends much at all. i went to a protest the other day and saw the typical undercover cop in his “hello fellow kids” getup, next day I step out of work to go to a coffee shop and the same dude in the same outfit is sitting next to the door when i go to leave. anyway please advise

Welcome back to a little more MARRIED Mary Mania before I wrap things up with The Abridged Goblinization. I decided that this bit deserved its own chapter. Some of you seem to be entertained by Mary (or at least entertained by your own loathing of her), so I hope this will prove amusing. In my life, I've encountered an inordinate number of low-key lolcows (probably because I was far too patient and far too passive for far too long), so I might as well throw just enough distortion on the page to protect the good guys and the genuinely reformed beards. But I'm also gonna shine a bright, unflattering spotlight on the lolcows, creeps, weirdos, pervs, and BEARDS, both neck and leg.
And I'll very, very cautiously tiptoe over the bit where I do a bunch of mental gymnastics, squint my eyes, tilt my head, and convince myself that dating Whisky might be a welcome change of pace. I have no delusions when I look back on it. This was a dumb move in retrospect, but all the mental gymnastics in the world can't bring me to a reasonable scenario where I was psychic and thus able to predict what he'd become once he stopped pretending to be a gentleman. Nor can the most elite, Olympic-level mental gymnastics execute a double salto layout with a half-twist perfectly enough to force me to concede the "logical point" that I should have spotted warning signs that I'd never freakin' seen before. Okay, that's enough saltiness for today. Don't worry. This chapter mostly focuses on Mary's mania. Whisky's just kind of... there.
So there I was... dating a guy who called when he said he would, remained constant in his affections, never asked for weird stuff in the sack (in fact, we weren't even intimate at that point), and claimed to be a secular humanist who practiced elements of Hinduism (as opposed to conveniently becoming born-again whenever it suited his needs to wallow in shame). And we seemed to have similar enough tastes in media, which made for pleasant movie nights and enjoyable conversations about nerdy stuff. It felt like a step up. It felt safe. At that point in time, I was content.
But here's a shameful admission for ya. My original intention was to make Whisky the "for now guy." I knew I could do better. I was formally educated, I was in shape, I was normatively attractive, and I tended to be successful in both my theatrical and academic endeavors. Plus, I was super friendly and good with people. Whisky was kind of a bump on a log. Sure, he seemed nice. He was sometimes able to make interesting conversation. But my overall sentiment regarding the relationship was, to quote Whisky's favorite catch phrase, "Meh."
I knew he was mooching off his mysterious "big bro," and he wasn't doing this with the intention of saving up and eventually becoming self-sufficient. He just kicked up a fuss whenever he wanted something, and... it usually appeared. I still thought he was physically unattractive, too. I hate nasty-ass beards, I have a strong preference for shorter guys (they don't need to be as short as Dennis, but I don't exactly love being towered over), and Whisky had whatever the dude version of resting bitch face is. I admonished myself for being shallow and decided to soldier on. Date after date. And I did kind of get used to all the shallow things I objected to.
But, really... Dating Whisky at all was a dick move on my part. Then again, how many Nice Guy (TM)s want girls to do exactly what I did? Not attracted? Think he's kind of a bum? Find him a bit boring? Just give him a chance!!! Go on a crap-ton of dates with him until you like the familiarity enough to settle for him. That's the key to a healthy relationship!!! It never works. You could flip this around and apply it to Nice Girls who want pity dates, too.
Anyway. Lucy knew I was dating Whisky, and she thought it was great. She was honestly just happy to see that I was no longer pining over Dennis and that Whisky was no longer getting relentlessly stalked by Mary. Speaking of Mary... She'd had an imaginary dramatic breakup with Scumbanger not long after she crashed Lucy's brunch. Murky aside... The following summer, I'd do another show with the pervy pest and I'd find out that Mary had given the former Rum Tum Tugger a tug in the parking lot of The Imp and had let him motorboat her. When dozens of lewd messaged filled his inbox the following day, the most indiscriminate playboy I'd ever met in my freakin' life blocked that clingy legbeard's number and never had any further contact with her. But seeing as neither of them are especially reliable sources, my best guess is that the truth is somewhere in between.
After the dramatic "breakup" with Scumbanger, Mary immediately became obsessed with the new tech guy (and his wife). They allegedly had something of a throuple situation going on, but no one ever witnessed any hard evidence of this. And then Mary and Tech Guy's wife allegedly had a catfight in the middle of the fancy restaurant where the three spent their date nights. Mary did have a shiner and a scraped knee for a few weeks, and she intimated to me that Chuckie was actually the one responsible for her looking a little rough...
I believed her because there was something very different about her demeanor when she told me this. When she was in larger groups, she just screeched about how she thought the catfight was foreplay until Tech Guy ghosted her. Yet again, we'll never know the truth. But I err on the side of belief when someone tells me that DV is going on in their home, even if I generally regard that person as a delusional pathological liar. Plus, Mary had never badmouthed Chuckie before and she never made excuses for her philandering. She just felt entitled to any ding-dong she desired. Bottom line, I think there was an unfortunate incident, and I urged her to report it. She didn't; but that doesn't mean it didn't happen.
And, yes. I think we're allowed to show compassion for Mary if Chuckie did indeed do what she was accusing him of. She absolutely deserved to get dumped in a spectacular fashion. No one deserves violence, though. But I think we're also allowed to laugh at Mary when she's acting like a crank-crazed maniac.
Moving on to lighter topics! Mary claimed to be having a hot, steamy affair with the artistic director of The Imp. At first, this seemed outlandish. But he had been the one to hire her. And he repeatedly refused to replace her when she consistently failed to learned her lines, ran around naked, and contributed little more than mukbangs to the comedy (again, I personally found it funny when she did that, but I was in the minority).
Some skullduggery was definitely afoot. Was it "sexy time," as Mary enthusiastically claimed? Who knows. Chuckie might have been paying the dude to give Mary a hobby. But not long after Mary started boasting about boning the artistic director, he suddenly began calling her out on her unprofessional behavior. They "broke up," but Mary managed to avoid getting kicked out of the improv troupe, bragging that she could sue the director for sexual harassment if he fired her.
And then... there was the pièce de résistance of Mary's misadventures in mating. She met a biker dude at Filthy McNasty's. This guys was disgusting. Most of her previous dudes had been questionable, weird, or possibly imaginary. But we all saw this one. He was as fat as a Hutt, he smelled like a grease trap, motor oil, B.O., and a very specific type of cheese... The few teeth that he had were black and green, his fingernails were yellowed and a few of them oozed pus. Finally, the volume and crackly, bubbly properties of his frequent farts indicated to George Gay that he, "definitely had a virgin booty." Mary's lard-ass loverboy called himself "Hogg," which was probably a reference to the two-wheeled vehicle that he was very obviously too large to actually ride. Or it might have just been an obvious nickname for a filthy fat fuck.
But Hogg, like Tech Guy a few loverboys ago, had a wife. And she made frequent appearances at Filthy's as well. Hogg's wife was shockingly... kind of pretty. A little rough around the edges. Didn't smell the greatest. But she stood in stark contrast to her repugnant hubby, even with her fried hair, her sloppily inked tats, and her imprecisely applied eye makeup. Her teeth were free of obvious rot. She had a beautiful figure. And she had a carefree attitude that was probably attractive to a number of people. She'd fart right along with Hogg, she didn't shave her legs, and the profane compound nouns she came up with always cracked me up (lard-tard, smegma-booger, felch-belcher).
And Mary was once again claiming to be in a throuple with The Hoggs. But this time, there was hard evidence. They'd get busy in some corner of the establishment, and even got booted from the dive bar a few times for lewd behavior, offensive odors, and illegal drug use. On one particular night, Mrs. Hogg lit one of her hubby's gargantuan ass-rippers while Mary was doing her thing, completely shrouded by his big belly. The blue flame ignited some spilt booze on the dingy floor, and a small fire erupted. The staff were able to stomp it out, but the nasty throuple was unceremoniously banished.
Alas, management allowed Mary to re-enter the bar because she apparently had some sort of sway with one of the bartenders. Instead of meeting her...uh... "partners" for some more boom-boom, Mary decided to come back inside and gush about Hogg's majestic rooster to all of us. She smelled like D cheese, ammonia, and burnt farts as she plopped down at our table, already screeching about how much bigger her "new boo" was, compared to that vile turd of an artistic director.
George Gay: Fuck me, Mary!!! You reek. Go wash the uncircumcised methhead off your hands and then you can sit with us.
Mary started to protest. Lucy cut her off. "Your whole body is probably a veritable Petri dish from fooling around with those nasty-ass people." She handed Mary some Purell. "Was the junkie junk off, keep the bottle, and don't you fucking touch me when you come back!"
Mary's bottom lip began to quiver and she looked pleadingly at me. "Just wash up," I told her. "You're too pretty to go around smelling like that.”
Off she went to the dingy bathroom. Maybe I wasn't harsh enough, but flattery got results in this instance. And when she returned, she had managed to dilute the stench enough so that we could stand to sit at the same table with her.
Mary took a deep breath in preparation to gush about something that would have undoubtedly been disgusting, but George cut her off this time. "Mare. How do you even BANG someone with a belly like that?"
Mary (speaking a bit more quickly than usual): Oh, it just takes some creative positioning. We get him to lie down. If Mrs. Hogg is taking in the rod, I hold his bowl of jelly up with both arms and stick my cooter in his face. He eats it like his mommy made it! And when it's my turn to get blasted, the missus uses a bunch of yoga straps to hold it up. I have to take it from behind because my own little tiny bit of va-jiggle-jaggle bumps up against his bowl of jelly if why try to smash like vanilla people. It's so much fun, though!!! And then he props his bowl of jelly up on the coffee table and plays with himself while he watches his honey strap on a dil...
George: I so regret asking.
Mary: They're sooo fun to fool around with! I think they might be my forever partners! (Her hands were too shaky to slide down her body in unbridled ecstasy, so she clasped them together and hid them underneath her itty bitty little gunt.)
Lucy: So when are you gonna dump Chuck?
Mary: Well... Hogg and the missus don't have much scratch. And what they do have, they spend on smokeables. When I meet a real sugar daddy, I'll get rid of Chuckle. He pretended to be a baller before we got married. But he's just middle management and he's content to stay there. Pffffftt. No ambition.
Mary launched into another long, unnecessarily graphic gushing about her garbage partners and their nasty-ass boom-boom. So I decided this would be a good time to clear my conscience about dating Whisky. Mary hadn't so much as mentioned him in months. She was inexplicably smitten with The Hoggs. And her ultimate dream man was obviously some filthy rich dude (perhaps a literally filthy dude who was also rich), which took Whisky out of the running. I still think it would have been amusing if Mary had tried to date Mori...
I waited for her adult film star gasp to wind down before I finally interjected, "Wow. Sounds like you've got a fantastic sex life right now!"
Mary: I do! You need to get over that born-again weirdo and find a real man so that you and I can have good girl talk!
Me: Well... I'm not banging anybody, but I am dating somebody. Sort of. It's not really that big of a deal. I'm not even sure that I'm completely into him. But he's been super sweet to me...
Lucy put her arm around me, almost as if she knew I was about to need protection.
Mary: TELL ME!
I hesitated. "Well... It's Whiskers."
In an instant, George jumped up and grabbed Mary by the shoulders, lest she lunge at me.
But Mary got very quiet. Silent tears welled up in her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. She gasped and buried her face in her hands, now emitting one seemingly endless, impossibly high-pitched whine.
George loosened his grip and began to pat her on the back. Lucy's grip tightened on me and she whispered, "Here we go. Overreaction sequence has commenced."
Mary lifted her red, tear-stained face and glared at me. "HOW COULD YOU???"
Me: Mary, I swear. I thought you hated his guts. I haven't heard you talk about him in ages. When he asked, I thought it would be good for me to give him a chance since he's always been really sweet to me.
Mary: But what about the way he treated ME??? He was such an asshole!
Lucy: Was he? Mary, you stalked the guy. If he was rude, it was only because you weren't taking NO for an answer.
Mary: He never told me he wanted to end things. He just kept ghosting me. But whenever I showed up at his house and jumped on him, we always wound up smashing. Eventually.
I didn't have the gumption at that point in my life to suggest to Mary that it's wrong on every imaginable level to coerce someone into intimate activity, regardless of gender. And even knowing what Whiskers would eventually become, he didn't deserve THAT. I should have called her out. Instead I tried to steer the conversation back to her current bedroom bliss and try to get her to resume thinking the disgusting thoughts that delighted her so much.
Me: Who cares what he's doing now?! Aren't you insanely happy with your fun new lovers???
Mary: NO! THEY STINK! HE'S FAT. I want my sexy Whisky-Boo Whiskers back!!! Give him back, Valley! Puh-leeee-eeee-eeeee-eeeease.
Me: I don't "have" him. I'm just seeing him. If he hurt you this much, why don't you try to sit down and have a real conversation with him? It might be good for both of you to clear the air.
Mary: He blocked me on everythi-iiiiiii-iiiii-iiiiiing. Waaaaaaaaaah!
Me: Well, I guess that's your answer. You probably overwhelmed him. He seems like a bit of a softy. Personally, I need a softy right now. But I think you need a manly man.
Mary rose. She gave me an icy stare. And then she cooed in an unnervingly sweet tone. "I love you, Valley-Boo. I know you didn't mean to break my heart."
Me: Thank you, Mary. Really, I wouldn't have even considered his initial invitation if you hadn't been calling him "Satan," and telling us all that you hated him, and dating all these new guys. I didn't do it to spite you, I swear. It just happened.
Mary (still creepily, icily sweet): Yes. We're so alike, you and I. It's perfectly understandable that the same guy would go for both of us. But you owe me. You owe me big.
Me: I'm gonna disagree with that. If you think I slighted you, just tell me to fuck off. If you really do understand that these things happen, then you'll accept that there was no malice on anyone's part.
Mary: Mmmm-hmmmm. We'll see about that.
She jiggled her Jupiters, tossed her hair, and stalked out of the dive bar...

AND THEN SHE BANGED DENNIS.