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The UFO reddit
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A community for discussion related to Unidentified Flying Objects. Share your sightings, experiences, news, and investigations. We aim to elevate good research while maintaining healthy skepticism.
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Uplifting or positive news from the feminist world.
2024.05.15 02:20 Difficult_Soft8106 Looking for advice. Wife(25f) ran away from home 4 years ago to get married. How do I(26M) tell her her parents want to reach out?
Wife comes from an abusive home. Her mom died when she was 11, her dad got remarried and her stepmom is kinda abusive. Her dad was always nice but Stepmom created a toxic environment and her dad slowly turned against even resorting to beating her and she couldn't take it anymore and started resenting her dad as well. We are both together since we were 15 or 16. Her dad never liked me because he wanted her to marry someone like his wife's sisters son. We are Middle Eastern and this is more or less accepted. Anyway she ran away from home at 21 when they refused our marriage and started living with me.
Now we recently moved to London and I'm currently employed here on a work visa.I plan on settling here. My wife is 8 months pregnant God Bless. I have a stable job. We are happy. But right about after a week we found out about her being pregnant my mom called me saying my wife's dad and stepmom, came to her house begging her to let him see his daughter. Now I have no idea where he got my mom's address from but my mom had to call the police to and get him restrained. After that there was no contact for 3 or 4 months or so. But then one day out of the blue I get a call from a foreign number and it's her stepmom. Now I had no intention of talking to her at all but she told me she regrets if she wronged my wife in any way, and told me her dad is extremely sick, and had a stroke a few days ago. He is currently bedridden and his last wish is to see his daughter for the last time. When he found out my wife was pregnant, I have no idea how he found out , he felt extreme guilt and he actually knew my parents address all this time but never contacted them. I guess he must have thought good riddance but now he feels guilt? But the way he said it was so sincere and I felt extremely bad. I tried to settle the thing by sending him pictures of us and more or less trying to end this matter. Now he told me that if I didn't let him talk to my wife it would be a bad omen or a curse on him. He wants to apologise and make it up to his daughter before he dies.
My wife has very strictly told me to never even mention her father's name again. Even mentioning the idea of reconciliation makes her cry and the memories and flashbacks send her into a conversation that ends with her crying and having a mental breakdown. What's even more worse is she's in her third trimester and her stepmom called me 11 times last night but I didn't pick up. I really don't want to tell my wife about her dad because I fear shes going to have another mental breakdown. This pregnancy has already been pretty rough and I don't have any idea how she's gonna react to knowing her dad is sick. I want to tell her because I don't want to be responsible when if he passes away and I'll live with the guilt for the rest of my life that I maybe could have given him some peace. But on the other hand my wife's attitude towards her dad and stepmom is that they don't exist and they never existed. She has told me stories when her stepmom used to turn off the ceiling fan in her room even when it was hot to save electricity, or when she would force her to eat nothing but rice with water. And when she complained to her dad he never listened, but when her stepmom told him lies about his daughter, he believed them and even went as far as to beat her up with a stick.
There's a part of me that just wants to say fuck you I don't care what you say. And there's a part of me that feels bad for an old father who regrets treating his daughter like that. There's also a part of me that thinks why now did he have to contact us when he could have probably done it in the last 4 years or so.
I'm currently contemplating what I should do. Should I tell my wife or should I at least wait until the baby's here and then slowly break down the news? Thing is I'm not entirely sure if her dad is gonna actually gonna be there when I eventually tell her, if I do at all. My wife can tell something has been bothering me and she thinks it's work but I'm just completely trying to ignore my thoughts but she's already asked me whats wrong and honestly I haven't told her anything but as I'm typing this my heart is racing and the stress of the situation is killing me.
My biggest fear is if I tell her I'm gonna affect the pregnancy. Like my baby's gonna be harmed. But still I'm feeling like a terrible person keeping this from her.
submitted by Difficult_Soft8106 to Advice [link] [comments]
Now we recently moved to London and I'm currently employed here on a work visa.I plan on settling here. My wife is 8 months pregnant God Bless. I have a stable job. We are happy. But right about after a week we found out about her being pregnant my mom called me saying my wife's dad and stepmom, came to her house begging her to let him see his daughter. Now I have no idea where he got my mom's address from but my mom had to call the police to and get him restrained. After that there was no contact for 3 or 4 months or so. But then one day out of the blue I get a call from a foreign number and it's her stepmom. Now I had no intention of talking to her at all but she told me she regrets if she wronged my wife in any way, and told me her dad is extremely sick, and had a stroke a few days ago. He is currently bedridden and his last wish is to see his daughter for the last time. When he found out my wife was pregnant, I have no idea how he found out , he felt extreme guilt and he actually knew my parents address all this time but never contacted them. I guess he must have thought good riddance but now he feels guilt? But the way he said it was so sincere and I felt extremely bad. I tried to settle the thing by sending him pictures of us and more or less trying to end this matter. Now he told me that if I didn't let him talk to my wife it would be a bad omen or a curse on him. He wants to apologise and make it up to his daughter before he dies.
My wife has very strictly told me to never even mention her father's name again. Even mentioning the idea of reconciliation makes her cry and the memories and flashbacks send her into a conversation that ends with her crying and having a mental breakdown. What's even more worse is she's in her third trimester and her stepmom called me 11 times last night but I didn't pick up. I really don't want to tell my wife about her dad because I fear shes going to have another mental breakdown. This pregnancy has already been pretty rough and I don't have any idea how she's gonna react to knowing her dad is sick. I want to tell her because I don't want to be responsible when if he passes away and I'll live with the guilt for the rest of my life that I maybe could have given him some peace. But on the other hand my wife's attitude towards her dad and stepmom is that they don't exist and they never existed. She has told me stories when her stepmom used to turn off the ceiling fan in her room even when it was hot to save electricity, or when she would force her to eat nothing but rice with water. And when she complained to her dad he never listened, but when her stepmom told him lies about his daughter, he believed them and even went as far as to beat her up with a stick.
There's a part of me that just wants to say fuck you I don't care what you say. And there's a part of me that feels bad for an old father who regrets treating his daughter like that. There's also a part of me that thinks why now did he have to contact us when he could have probably done it in the last 4 years or so.
I'm currently contemplating what I should do. Should I tell my wife or should I at least wait until the baby's here and then slowly break down the news? Thing is I'm not entirely sure if her dad is gonna actually gonna be there when I eventually tell her, if I do at all. My wife can tell something has been bothering me and she thinks it's work but I'm just completely trying to ignore my thoughts but she's already asked me whats wrong and honestly I haven't told her anything but as I'm typing this my heart is racing and the stress of the situation is killing me.
My biggest fear is if I tell her I'm gonna affect the pregnancy. Like my baby's gonna be harmed. But still I'm feeling like a terrible person keeping this from her.
2024.05.15 02:19 BroodjeKaas11 Increased NT -> happy ending
Hello everyone, first want to express my gratitude to this forum which was such a beacon of hope and information during a turbulent few months of my pregnancy. Thank you to anyone who shared their experiences with high NT measurements and CVS! I want to share my experience as well to give another example of a happy ending after an abnormal NT result.
TL;DR NT of 4.0mm, after tons of testing (and sleepless nights) we got the all clear, baby boy was born healthy and perfect in mid April. He’s taking a nap next to me right now 🥰
For context, I’m a 30yo living in the US, first pregnancy, healthy overall and got pregnant naturally. I was hoping to have a home birth and as low-intervention prenatal care as possible (ha!)
August 13 - got a positive on a home pregnancy test. We were sooo happy and excited!
September 6 - first appointment with my midwife, saw baby’s heartbeat via ultrasound. After this, we started to tell close friends/family we were expecting.
September 29 - blood draw for cell-free DNA test
October 5 - received negative/low risk result on the cell-free DNA. Fetal fraction was 13% and the baby is a boy!
October 9 - appointment for my 12 week ultrasound. Baby was moving around a lot and the tech had a lot of trouble getting measurements. But eventually she got what she needed. I was sent home and while in the car driving home, I got a call from my midwife’s office. Baby’s NT measurement was 4.0mm and I was referred to MFM and genetic counseling. This was a huge shock. I pretty much cried the whole way home because I could only envision poor outcomes.
October 12 - first appointment with the genetic counselor. The three days between the ultrasound and this appointment felt like forever. The GC said with the NT of 4.0mm there was a 1 in 3 risk that the baby had a chromosomal or structural defect. The probabilities I was given were if something was wrong, 70% of the time it’s chromosomal/genetic, 20% of the time it’s heart issues, and 10% of the time it’s miscarriage/stillbirth. I never really registered that 1 in 3 means that there’s a 2 in 3 chance that everything is fine! Anyway, I was booked for a CVS to investigate the genetic piece further. My husband and I also did carrier testing per the recommendation of the GC. I was also advised to have an early anatomy ultrasound at 16 weeks and a fetal echo and 20 weeks.
This is when the looooong limbo period began. I didn’t want to think about my pregnancy at all because I was pretty convinced I wouldn’t end up having the baby. I took the ultrasound photos down off the fridge and put all the baby stuff we had bought in a box. I also stopped telling people our pregnancy news - I wasn’t going to get anyone else’s hopes up until we had certainty that the baby was healthy. I too a few days off work to cry. It was rough.
October 16 - CVS, transabdominal since my placenta was anterior. It was not fun but also not horrible. If I had to do it for a future pregnancy, I would do it again. I have a serious fear of needles so the GC recommended I bring headphones and listen to music during the procedure. That was awesome advice and I just turned the volume up and tuned out (and squeezed my husband’s hand) while the OB did her thing.
October 18 - got a call from the GC, normal karyotype 👍 this was not a huge surprise since I got the low-risk cfDNA result. But still reassuring.
October 24 - got carrier testing results back, we aren’t carriers for anything
November 7 - Early anatomy scan at 16 weeks. Everything looked normal! “Specifically, there were no cardiac defects or other anomalies associated with an increased NT. The nuchal fold was normal at 3.0 mm.” Unsure how the nuchal fold (which is not exactly the same thing as NT) was 3.0mm 🤷♀️ seems like it had shrunk? We never got a good answer on this.
November 22 - “Normal constitutional chromosomal SNP microarray results from chorionic villi” - this result came back about 5 weeks after the CVS. The waiting was pretty terrible to be honest.
November 28 - Fetal echo and 20-week anatomy scan. This appointment was at the children’s hospital with the OB from MFM plus a pediatric cardiologist. Baby’s heart looked perfect on the echo. Anatomy scan looked totally normal as well. Still waiting on the Noonan panel results but I felt like after this appointment (and nearly 3 months after the initial high NT results) I felt like I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.
December 5 - negative for Noonan 🎉
It seems the increased NT was just a random anomaly and I was released from MFM and continued my prenatal care with my midwife. Baby boy was born at 38+6, happy and healthy! He is the cutest thing ever and somehow made the chaotic 2nd trimester worth it.
Happy to answer any questions about my experience. If you find yourself in this position, I’m sending you a big hug and positive vibes ❤️
submitted by BroodjeKaas11 to NIPT [link] [comments]
TL;DR NT of 4.0mm, after tons of testing (and sleepless nights) we got the all clear, baby boy was born healthy and perfect in mid April. He’s taking a nap next to me right now 🥰
For context, I’m a 30yo living in the US, first pregnancy, healthy overall and got pregnant naturally. I was hoping to have a home birth and as low-intervention prenatal care as possible (ha!)
August 13 - got a positive on a home pregnancy test. We were sooo happy and excited!
September 6 - first appointment with my midwife, saw baby’s heartbeat via ultrasound. After this, we started to tell close friends/family we were expecting.
September 29 - blood draw for cell-free DNA test
October 5 - received negative/low risk result on the cell-free DNA. Fetal fraction was 13% and the baby is a boy!
October 9 - appointment for my 12 week ultrasound. Baby was moving around a lot and the tech had a lot of trouble getting measurements. But eventually she got what she needed. I was sent home and while in the car driving home, I got a call from my midwife’s office. Baby’s NT measurement was 4.0mm and I was referred to MFM and genetic counseling. This was a huge shock. I pretty much cried the whole way home because I could only envision poor outcomes.
October 12 - first appointment with the genetic counselor. The three days between the ultrasound and this appointment felt like forever. The GC said with the NT of 4.0mm there was a 1 in 3 risk that the baby had a chromosomal or structural defect. The probabilities I was given were if something was wrong, 70% of the time it’s chromosomal/genetic, 20% of the time it’s heart issues, and 10% of the time it’s miscarriage/stillbirth. I never really registered that 1 in 3 means that there’s a 2 in 3 chance that everything is fine! Anyway, I was booked for a CVS to investigate the genetic piece further. My husband and I also did carrier testing per the recommendation of the GC. I was also advised to have an early anatomy ultrasound at 16 weeks and a fetal echo and 20 weeks.
This is when the looooong limbo period began. I didn’t want to think about my pregnancy at all because I was pretty convinced I wouldn’t end up having the baby. I took the ultrasound photos down off the fridge and put all the baby stuff we had bought in a box. I also stopped telling people our pregnancy news - I wasn’t going to get anyone else’s hopes up until we had certainty that the baby was healthy. I too a few days off work to cry. It was rough.
October 16 - CVS, transabdominal since my placenta was anterior. It was not fun but also not horrible. If I had to do it for a future pregnancy, I would do it again. I have a serious fear of needles so the GC recommended I bring headphones and listen to music during the procedure. That was awesome advice and I just turned the volume up and tuned out (and squeezed my husband’s hand) while the OB did her thing.
October 18 - got a call from the GC, normal karyotype 👍 this was not a huge surprise since I got the low-risk cfDNA result. But still reassuring.
October 24 - got carrier testing results back, we aren’t carriers for anything
November 7 - Early anatomy scan at 16 weeks. Everything looked normal! “Specifically, there were no cardiac defects or other anomalies associated with an increased NT. The nuchal fold was normal at 3.0 mm.” Unsure how the nuchal fold (which is not exactly the same thing as NT) was 3.0mm 🤷♀️ seems like it had shrunk? We never got a good answer on this.
November 22 - “Normal constitutional chromosomal SNP microarray results from chorionic villi” - this result came back about 5 weeks after the CVS. The waiting was pretty terrible to be honest.
November 28 - Fetal echo and 20-week anatomy scan. This appointment was at the children’s hospital with the OB from MFM plus a pediatric cardiologist. Baby’s heart looked perfect on the echo. Anatomy scan looked totally normal as well. Still waiting on the Noonan panel results but I felt like after this appointment (and nearly 3 months after the initial high NT results) I felt like I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.
December 5 - negative for Noonan 🎉
It seems the increased NT was just a random anomaly and I was released from MFM and continued my prenatal care with my midwife. Baby boy was born at 38+6, happy and healthy! He is the cutest thing ever and somehow made the chaotic 2nd trimester worth it.
Happy to answer any questions about my experience. If you find yourself in this position, I’m sending you a big hug and positive vibes ❤️
2024.05.15 02:12 heydawn TODAY'S RECAP 5-14-2024
TODAY'S RECAP
Wow. So little to summarize today. It was all very anticlimactic stuff. If you're inclined to ff through filler and boring scenes, today might be a day you lean on the ff button.Luna and RJ reunited in one of the most boring reunions of a soap couple (no disrespect to the young actors, just a snoooooze of a story). Both Carter and Brooke yelled at Zende. News got around about Sheila.
Eric, Donna, Ridge, and Brooke at Eric's
(Everyone views newspaper headlines about Sheila being alive. Their reactions are underwhelming).Everyone: Surprise surprise. 🫤 Ppffrrtt..Can you believe it? 😕 Can't believe it. 😟 I can believe it. 😐 Yeah, kinda not totally surprising. 🫤 Sheila back from the dead 💀 again. Yeah. 😑 Phewy. 😣 Wah. 😧 Sucky. 😒 Blechy! 🤢 Not happy. 🙁 Pouty. ☹️ This again. 😞 It's getting old. 🙄 Ikr? 😦 Witch 👹 is back. Now we have to look over our shoulder again. Dang it.
Eric: (picks up a call). Yeah. Alive. Again. 🫤 Sorry Lauren. I know. It sucks. Bye.
Exit Brooke, who received a message from Charlie that Zende is at FC.
Ridge: BE CAREFUL of SHEILA! 😦 Grrr. Huff.
Brooke: Yeah yeah. Byeeee.
Ridge: Snarl. 😦 So, here's the SugaJanet WebbeSheila story. Blah blah blah...
Donna: So look-a-like 👩👩 psycho 🫨 Sugar attacked Steffy.
Ridge: You got it. 😕
Eric: And Deacon and Finn rescued Sheila and Finn wants her in their lives? MY GOD! 😮
Donna: And Finn's connection to Sheila has deepened because--
Ridge: IDGAF about Finn's pathetic MOMMY issues! Snort! 😤 Grrr. Finn is a fuck face! Everyone knows Sheila is tricking his dumb ass.
Donna: Yah. 😃 He picked Steffy over Sheila.
Ridge: Grrr! Snarl! He should have NEVER EVER ASKED STEFFY to be BFFs with that psycho Sheila! Huff! Puff! 😤
Eric and Donna: But it's Finn. We like Finn. He's a decent guy. Yah. Yeah. It's Finn!
Eric: (💭 Finn did just save my life about a second ago. So, I'm pretty fond of that boy. 👨⚕️)
Donna: (💭 Finn just saved my honey 🍯 bear 🐻, so Finn will always be special to me. Maybe you could lay off of berating Finn.)
Ridge: Finn is PISSING ME OFF! I'm pissed off on the regular, but he's putting me in a PERMA-PISSED state of continuous SNARLING and SPUTTERING! GAH! Harumph. Sheila! Growl! Roar! 😦😤😡
Eric and Donna: 🙄🙄 (💭 He's so mean about dear, lifesaver Finn. Gah.)
Finn: How does Sheila keep getting away with her CRIMES?! 😮😤😡 (Why? Reddit would like to remind you, Ridge, that your daughter refused to testify -- bc YOU went along with the genius plan to get charges against Sheila dropped so that Bill could entrap her. Yeah and that backfired in your faces.) And Finn! Snarl! Grrr!
Eric: Finn is vulnerable to Sheila. But he's a good man, his heart is in the right place and did the right thing.
Ridge: 🤨
Zende and Carter at FC
Zende: 🙄😞😒😟Carter: I see 👀 you not working, man.
Zende: Yah. Can't concentrate. 🫤
Carter: You need to concentrate! HFTF is depending on YOU! Stop 🛑 thinking about Luna! She's not available! You were WRONG! 😦 You FUCKED UP! 🤨 You can't have HER! 😐 You shoulda KNOWN better! 😦 WTF were you thinking? 😕
Zende: My bad. But it's more complicated than--
Carter: Nah! Just STOP! 😤 Look, I totally understand. I'm your friend. I fucked up zooming on Quinn and almost lost everything. Don't do what I did.
Zende: Okay. 😞
Enter Brooke.
Brooke: 🤨 I need to talk to Zende ALONE.
Zende: Carter knows. 😒
Brooke: So what?! I said ALONE! 😠 (💭 So I can bitch more freely at you! )
Exit Carter.
Brooke: How could you?! 😤 How dare you?! 😦 How scummy can you be?! 😣 You BETRAAAAAAAYED MY SON! 😡 YOUR COUSIN! YOUR FAMILY! WTF?! You KNEW she was with RJ! 👦 You KNEW she was on his arm! You KNEW they were TOGETHER! 👩❤️👨 You KNEW they LOVED each other! 💘 You knew they were COMMITTED! (💭 I'm running out of ways to repeat the same thing. 🫤) You should have questioned her! How could you do this to LUNA? You KNEW she was loopy!
Zende: Oh. Wait.☝️Hold on right there. I didn't know she was high 🥴 af. She was in my bed. I thought she wanted me. 🙄
Brooke: YOU BETRAYED RJ! ROOOOOAR! 😤😮 Growl! Snarl! (💭 Ridge has rubbed off on me). My SON is good! 👼 He doesn't want me to tell Ridge so Luna is not even more hurt. He's THAT guy! Sweet, wonderful, caring RJ! I thought YOU were that kind of guy too! But NO! How would your mother feel about you, now?!
Zende: 🥺😣😕😞😖😟☹️ (no quivering chin emoji, sorry Reddit). I'm so sorry.
Brooke: (💭 I'ma totally ignore his apology. 😑). So, get OUT! Skedaddle! Vamoosh! 💨 Be gone! 🪄Before someone drops a house on you! Go to Forrester International (💭 Where your ex wife, Nicole, has been languishing off canvas)! Or Forrester Siberia! 😡
Zende: Oh. Wait.☝️Hold on right there. I earned my place here. 😐 So.
Brooke: So? So! Go!
(💭 My hypocrisy is totally irrelevant. Shut up, Reddit. Everyone gets to judge tf out of everyone else, as if we never did the same or worse. That's OUR thing! Steffy just did it to MY daughter. Ridge does it every day. Stephanie made it a life style! Taylor wagged her finger at me and she slept with all the same people! That's how we roll! So Reddit, you can just leave Bridget and Katie out of this! I'm fussing at Zende until I'm blue in the face because he hurt my precious son! Only I get to hurt my family! Gah! Plus, I've matured, so I can be judgey! Shhh!)
RJ and Luna at FC
Luna: I heard about Sheila 👿. That's SOOOOOOO awful!! 😧 I'm SOOOOOO SORRRRRRRY!RJ: Sheila terrorized my family for soooo long. 😒 Now she's back. 😞
Luna: I wish I could have been there for you, but we have this big 🫲___________🫱 gulf between us. Wah! 😥 I hate it! 😟 I miss you! But you need time. I understand. 😞
RJ: 😕
Luna: You used to look SOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY! 🤩 😃 Now you look SOOOOOOOOOO not happy! ☹️ I'm SOOOOOOOO SORRRRRRRY! I should have told you SOOOOOOO much sooner. It's ALL MY FAULT 😩 -- and the MINTS -- that you look jaded af now and that you broke up with your cousin! I miss you SOOOOOOO MUCH! 😫
RJ: It's not YOUR fault! 😦 It's stupid, fuck face ZENDE'S fault! He shouldn't have, but he DID and IDGAF about that dude! Fuck that guy! 😤 Blech! 🤢
Luna: I used to be SOOOOOO afraid 😱 until your love made me feel SOOOOOO not afraid. 🥰☺️
RJ: Yah? 😦
Luna: Yah. 😔
RJ: Well alrighty then. Let's fix everything! I miss YOU SOOOOOO MUCH TOO! 😟 Let's just forget this hiccup and be together 👩❤️👨 again, angel 😇 face!
Luna: What about the time you needed? 😟
RJ: All I need is YOUUUU! I love you SOOOOOO MUCH! 🥰😍😘
Luna: I love YOU SOOOOOO MUCH! 😍🥰😘😃
Luna and RJ embrace. It's all better now. ♥️👩❤️👨💕
RJ: Gotta get to exits a meeting. We'll pick up this happy moment later. 😍
Luna: Yah! ☺️
RJ exits.
Luna: 🤢🤮😳😧 (💭 OMG! Pregnant?🤰 Who's the daddy? 🙄)
The end.
2024.05.15 02:11 Bicolana007 Waiting for IL (Manila) for IR5 Visa - DQ October 2023
PD - OCTOBER 2022
DQd - OCTOBER 2023
Still waiting for IL from NVC as of May 2024. Hoping for good news very soon!
submitted by Bicolana007 to NationalVisaCenter [link] [comments]
DQd - OCTOBER 2023
Still waiting for IL from NVC as of May 2024. Hoping for good news very soon!
2024.05.15 02:11 Difficult_Soft8106 Looking for advice. Wife ran away from home 4 years ago to get married. How do I tell her her parents want to reach out?
Wife comes from an abusive home. Her mom died when she was 11, her dad got remarried and her stepmom is kinda abusive. Her dad was always nice but Stepmom created a toxic environment and her dad slowly turned against even resorting to beating her and she couldn't take it anymore and started resenting her dad as well. We are both together since we were 15 or 16. Her dad never liked me because he wanted her to marry someone like his wife's sisters son. We are Middle Eastern and this is more or less accepted. Anyway she ran away from home at 21 when they refused our marriage and started living with me.
Now we recently moved to London and I'm currently employed here on a work visa.I plan on settling here. My wife is 8 months pregnant God Bless. I have a stable job. We are happy. But right about after a week we found out about her being pregnant my mom called me saying my wife's dad and stepmom, came to her house begging her to let him see his daughter. Now I have no idea where he got my mom's address from but my mom had to call the police to and get him restrained. After that there was no contact for 3 or 4 months or so. But then one day out of the blue I get a call from a foreign number and it's her stepmom. Now I had no intention of talking to her at all but she told me she regrets if she wronged my wife in any way, and told me her dad is extremely sick, and had a stroke a few days ago. He is currently bedridden and his last wish is to see his daughter for the last time. When he found out my wife was pregnant, I have no idea how he found out , he felt extreme guilt and he actually knew my parents address all this time but never contacted them. I guess he must have thought good riddance but now he feels guilt? But the way he said it was so sincere and I felt extremely bad. I tried to settle the thing by sending him pictures of us and more or less trying to end this matter. Now he told me that if I didn't let him talk to my wife it would be a bad omen or a curse on him. He wants to apologise and make it up to his daughter before he dies.
My wife has very strictly told me to never even mention her father's name again. Even mentioning the idea of reconciliation makes her cry and the memories and flashbacks send her into a conversation that ends with her crying and having a mental breakdown. What's even more worse is she's in her third trimester and her stepmom called me 11 times last night but I didn't pick up. I really don't want to tell my wife about her dad because I fear shes going to have another mental breakdown. This pregnancy has already been pretty rough and I don't have any idea how she's gonna react to knowing her dad is sick. I want to tell her because I don't want to be responsible when if he passes away and I'll live with the guilt for the rest of my life that I maybe could have given him some peace. But on the other hand my wife's attitude towards her dad and stepmom is that they don't exist and they never existed. She has told me stories when her stepmom used to turn off the ceiling fan in her room even when it was hot to save electricity, or when she would force her to eat nothing but rice with water. And when she complained to her dad he never listened, but when her stepmom told him lies about his daughter, he believed them and even went as far as to beat her up with a stick.
There's a part of me that just wants to say fuck you I don't care what you say. And there's a part of me that feels bad for an old father who regrets treating his daughter like that. There's also a part of me that thinks why now did he have to contact us when he could have probably done it in the last 4 years or so.
I'm currently contemplating what I should do. Should I tell my wife or should I at least wait until the baby's here and then slowly break down the news? Thing is I'm not entirely sure if her dad is gonna actually gonna be there when I eventually tell her, if I do at all. My wife can tell something has been bothering me and she thinks it's work but I'm just completely trying to ignore my thoughts but she's already asked me whats wrong and honestly I haven't told her anything but as I'm typing this my heart is racing and the stress of the situation is killing me.
My biggest fear is if I tell her I'm gonna affect the pregnancy. Like my baby's gonna be harmed. But still I'm feeling like a terrible person keeping this from her.
submitted by Difficult_Soft8106 to Marriage [link] [comments]
Now we recently moved to London and I'm currently employed here on a work visa.I plan on settling here. My wife is 8 months pregnant God Bless. I have a stable job. We are happy. But right about after a week we found out about her being pregnant my mom called me saying my wife's dad and stepmom, came to her house begging her to let him see his daughter. Now I have no idea where he got my mom's address from but my mom had to call the police to and get him restrained. After that there was no contact for 3 or 4 months or so. But then one day out of the blue I get a call from a foreign number and it's her stepmom. Now I had no intention of talking to her at all but she told me she regrets if she wronged my wife in any way, and told me her dad is extremely sick, and had a stroke a few days ago. He is currently bedridden and his last wish is to see his daughter for the last time. When he found out my wife was pregnant, I have no idea how he found out , he felt extreme guilt and he actually knew my parents address all this time but never contacted them. I guess he must have thought good riddance but now he feels guilt? But the way he said it was so sincere and I felt extremely bad. I tried to settle the thing by sending him pictures of us and more or less trying to end this matter. Now he told me that if I didn't let him talk to my wife it would be a bad omen or a curse on him. He wants to apologise and make it up to his daughter before he dies.
My wife has very strictly told me to never even mention her father's name again. Even mentioning the idea of reconciliation makes her cry and the memories and flashbacks send her into a conversation that ends with her crying and having a mental breakdown. What's even more worse is she's in her third trimester and her stepmom called me 11 times last night but I didn't pick up. I really don't want to tell my wife about her dad because I fear shes going to have another mental breakdown. This pregnancy has already been pretty rough and I don't have any idea how she's gonna react to knowing her dad is sick. I want to tell her because I don't want to be responsible when if he passes away and I'll live with the guilt for the rest of my life that I maybe could have given him some peace. But on the other hand my wife's attitude towards her dad and stepmom is that they don't exist and they never existed. She has told me stories when her stepmom used to turn off the ceiling fan in her room even when it was hot to save electricity, or when she would force her to eat nothing but rice with water. And when she complained to her dad he never listened, but when her stepmom told him lies about his daughter, he believed them and even went as far as to beat her up with a stick.
There's a part of me that just wants to say fuck you I don't care what you say. And there's a part of me that feels bad for an old father who regrets treating his daughter like that. There's also a part of me that thinks why now did he have to contact us when he could have probably done it in the last 4 years or so.
I'm currently contemplating what I should do. Should I tell my wife or should I at least wait until the baby's here and then slowly break down the news? Thing is I'm not entirely sure if her dad is gonna actually gonna be there when I eventually tell her, if I do at all. My wife can tell something has been bothering me and she thinks it's work but I'm just completely trying to ignore my thoughts but she's already asked me whats wrong and honestly I haven't told her anything but as I'm typing this my heart is racing and the stress of the situation is killing me.
My biggest fear is if I tell her I'm gonna affect the pregnancy. Like my baby's gonna be harmed. But still I'm feeling like a terrible person keeping this from her.
2024.05.15 02:11 SmileyBDevil My Only Real Issue with Prince of Darkness
To start, I really liked Prince of Darkness. It's not my favorite but I still liked it a lot as it was an interesting take on religious horror. My one big issue is that the presentation was too small in scope for the scale of the threat involved. I honestly would have kept everything the same with some small tweeks and some big tweeks.
The minor tweeks would be that I felt like John should have made the threat feel more dire as it was of apocalyptic levels. Adding more indicators of the whole world suddenly being off and something was rising. In Call of Cthulhu, Cthulhu awakening was enough that every sensitive human in the world was having nightmares and picking up on the Old One's dreams. I feel that sprinkling in news reports about a rise in global incidents and catastrophes would have build up a sense of some great threat about to be awakened. Sure there were some local indicators like the homeless people being weird and the sky but none of that gave a sense of, essentially, and Outer God about to emerge into our reality. I also felt that more focus should have been put on the characters and their reactions to everything. This is basically a cosmic horror story which makes building a sense of existential dread important. Often, it's seeing how characters react to the unknown that really helps build a sense of fear and urgency in a cosmic horror story.
Now for the big tweek. John getting into quantum physics and the fact that normal rules and laws break down on a sub atomic level was great. Also the reference to the threat being hidden everywhere in everything was also good because it leads me to my next point. While having a prison was important, the occupant shouldn't have been something definitive and clear. Rather it should have been a container you couldn't see into. As Lovecraft put, fear of the unknown is the greatest fear. For the threat itself, Event Horizon gives the best example. The starship Event Horizon was the "monster". it had been beyond the known universe and brought back "something". The malevolent force torments characters with illusions but also starts warping reality around them. The "Devil" in the container shouldn't have "escaped" but simply started to warp reality in the church and play with the minds of the scientists as its prison was weakening.
From Beyond also contributes because it's about a separate reality layered together with ours and only separated by the fact that we cannot perceive it. So while the "Devil" is imprisoned the Anti-God is trapped outside of reality but layered within it harkening back to the discussion about how at a certain level the laws of reality go out the window. The Anti-God is trapped outside and yet intertwined with everything at the subatomic level. Rather than the familiar, possess a chosen vessel and perform a ritual to summon the Anti-God, the focus should be to reseal the prison as once freed, the "Devil" would promptly tear open the barrier that separates out reality from the reality and presence of the Anti-God.
To conclude, Prince of Darkness was a good film if not among Carpenter's best and he was innovative. But at the same time far too much was revealed or clear and much should have been ambiguous. Rather than a lovecraftian take on religious horror, it should have been a cosmic horror story that religion tried to explain with it's scripture much like the Cthulhu cult. And while the stone statue of Cthulhu looked like a humanoid with draconic wings and octopus head, later in the story when Cthulhu was actually revealed, it was something incomprehensible and completely other from the scriptures with only the vaguest relation to what was written down and presented by the cultists. This, I feel, would have made Prince of Darkness perfect.
submitted by SmileyBDevil to johncarpenter [link] [comments]
The minor tweeks would be that I felt like John should have made the threat feel more dire as it was of apocalyptic levels. Adding more indicators of the whole world suddenly being off and something was rising. In Call of Cthulhu, Cthulhu awakening was enough that every sensitive human in the world was having nightmares and picking up on the Old One's dreams. I feel that sprinkling in news reports about a rise in global incidents and catastrophes would have build up a sense of some great threat about to be awakened. Sure there were some local indicators like the homeless people being weird and the sky but none of that gave a sense of, essentially, and Outer God about to emerge into our reality. I also felt that more focus should have been put on the characters and their reactions to everything. This is basically a cosmic horror story which makes building a sense of existential dread important. Often, it's seeing how characters react to the unknown that really helps build a sense of fear and urgency in a cosmic horror story.
Now for the big tweek. John getting into quantum physics and the fact that normal rules and laws break down on a sub atomic level was great. Also the reference to the threat being hidden everywhere in everything was also good because it leads me to my next point. While having a prison was important, the occupant shouldn't have been something definitive and clear. Rather it should have been a container you couldn't see into. As Lovecraft put, fear of the unknown is the greatest fear. For the threat itself, Event Horizon gives the best example. The starship Event Horizon was the "monster". it had been beyond the known universe and brought back "something". The malevolent force torments characters with illusions but also starts warping reality around them. The "Devil" in the container shouldn't have "escaped" but simply started to warp reality in the church and play with the minds of the scientists as its prison was weakening.
From Beyond also contributes because it's about a separate reality layered together with ours and only separated by the fact that we cannot perceive it. So while the "Devil" is imprisoned the Anti-God is trapped outside of reality but layered within it harkening back to the discussion about how at a certain level the laws of reality go out the window. The Anti-God is trapped outside and yet intertwined with everything at the subatomic level. Rather than the familiar, possess a chosen vessel and perform a ritual to summon the Anti-God, the focus should be to reseal the prison as once freed, the "Devil" would promptly tear open the barrier that separates out reality from the reality and presence of the Anti-God.
To conclude, Prince of Darkness was a good film if not among Carpenter's best and he was innovative. But at the same time far too much was revealed or clear and much should have been ambiguous. Rather than a lovecraftian take on religious horror, it should have been a cosmic horror story that religion tried to explain with it's scripture much like the Cthulhu cult. And while the stone statue of Cthulhu looked like a humanoid with draconic wings and octopus head, later in the story when Cthulhu was actually revealed, it was something incomprehensible and completely other from the scriptures with only the vaguest relation to what was written down and presented by the cultists. This, I feel, would have made Prince of Darkness perfect.
2024.05.15 01:51 wildswalker [WTS] The Great Gear Sale Part 1: Shelters, Hammock, Backpacks & Fastpack, Storage Sacks, Binoculars, Water Filters & Pouches, Multitool & Folding Knife + Free Stickers with every item
Great feedback history so buy with confidence. Ship to lower48 states (open to shipping internationally and to AK & HI, please ask). Paypal friends & family preferred or add 3% for Paypal goods & services fee. Just let me know which items you’d like and I’ll check the least expensive UPS and USPS tracked shipping. All sales are final. Thanks for looking!
1) Liteway Pyraomm Duo Tarp 2P Pyramid, Stealth Olive (just like MLD Duomid) + Liteway Pyraomm Mesh Half Inner, New (set up only once), $349 (Regularly $475 = Tarp $281 + Inner $194. Equivalent to MLD Duomid Tarp and Solomid XL mesh inner which sell for $470 = $290 + $180). Photos: https://imgur.com/a/Tq5mtRP - Extremely well-made pyramid shelter and generous half mesh inner - use the tarp alone, or the mesh alone on nice nights for stargazing, or both together for an ultralight double wall shelter. Fantastic bomber solo shelter, and the tarp works for two, but I’m always going on trips with my partner and we use a wider inner. Sheds wind far better than double trekking pole shelters. https://liteway.equipment/pyraomm-duo/pyraomm-duo-tarp https://liteway.equipment/pyraomm-duo-half-mesh
2) Hanchor Marl Large Backpack, 19-21 in. Torso, New, $239 (regularly $250 + $20 international shipping. Blows away Hyperlite Mountain Gear packs) - Top backpacking guide and author Andrew Skurka has praised the Hanchor Marl for its excellent construction, strong waterproof materials and light weight and has carried one on many trips. The Hanchor Marl blows away similar volume HMG packs for carrying capability, comfort and construction (incredible stitching), and at a much better price. Aluminum stays can also be shaped to exactly fit the curve of your back. The load lifters work great to keep weight off your shoulders. Bright interior makes it easy to find gear. Convenient hip pockets with waterproof zips. Clean, simple design is a pleasure to use, with everything you need and nothing you don’t. Large size typically fits 19-21 in. torsos (removable aluminum stays are 23.5 in long). Photos: https://imgur.com/a/fxTthYj
3) Ultimate Direction Fastpackher 30L, M/L, New, $139 (regularly $179.95 + tax) - Women's version of the above. Size goes by measurement around the widest part of the chest, the range is 36 in. to 48 in. and the pack is highly adjustable so you can dial it right in. The women's backpanel is only 1/2 in. narrower than the men's, so will fit men too. Just go to this link and click on "Sizing": https://ultimatedirection.com/fastpackher-30-2-0/ Photos: https://imgur.com/a/ZfY5IB4
4) Celestron TrailSeeker ED 8 x 42 Top-Rated Waterproof Binoculars, New, $289 (regularly $379.95 + tax) - Top rated for its class by Cornell Ornithology’s Binocular Buying Guide: “Our overall top pick for image quality and comfort among binoculars under $650.” Ideal for birding, hunting and sporting events. And 8 x 42 is the ideal size for varied light conditions as it gives you much better light gathering and a brighter image than smaller 8 x 25 binoculars. https://www.allaboutbirds.org/news/celestron-trailseeker-ed-8x42-binoculars-our-review/ Photos: https://imgur.com/a/Qda4Pvc
5) Hennessy Hammock 4 Season Expedition with XXL Snake Skins, New, $245 (regularly $309.90 = $289.95 + $19.95 for the XXL Snakeskins). Photos: https://imgur.com/a/LZN8HI8 Not only is the HH Expedition one of the best, most comfortable and durable 4 season hammocks you can get, it’s also popular for summer use in areas of high bug pressure as the double bottom is impervious to the worst mosquitoes (mosquitoes can bite through single layer hammocks). Many militaries rely on HH hammocks for good reason. Comes with attached mosquito netting, detachable Hex rain fly, support ropes, compression sack with set up instructions on back, complimentary standard 42" / 107 cm long "Tree Hugger" webbing straps to protect tree bark, and an oversized open-cell foam pad. HH asymmetrical design is very comfortable compared to more classic hammock designs.
6) Granite Gear Blaze 60L Backpack Women’s Fit, Highly Adjustable Regular Frame (18-21 in. torso), Black, New, only $189 (regularly $299.94 + Tax). Photos: https://imgur.com/a/SF9XV3r One of the most adjustable and comfortable lightweight load haulers. The capacity and generous extendable collar are great for longer trips or trips with heavier gear or a big water carry, yet easily cinch down for shorter trips. Women’s specific fit and frame is highly adjustable (also works great for men with narrower shoulder width). Makes a great winter pack too, with durable material and many lashing points.
7) Hillsound Weatherproof Packstack Pro Storage Sack, 40L Tall, New, $25 (regularly $35) weatherproof storage sack that made Outside Magazine's Gear Guide Editor's Choice Award. https://hillsound.com/products/packstackpro Photos: https://imgur.com/a/7wlWcDr
8) Hillsound Weatherproof Packstack Pro Storage Sack, 40L Short, New, $24 (regularly $34) - weatherproof storage sack that made Outside Magazine's Gear Guide Editor's Choice Award. https://hillsound.com/products/packstackpro Photos: https://imgur.com/a/7wlWcDr
9) COAST Dual LED Multi Tool, New, $30 (Regularly $49.99 + tax) - The LED150 Multi-Tool comes packed with 13 tools that can help you master any task or job. Tools: Spring-loaded pliers with wire cutter, 3.0 in. Blade, two built-in LEDs, Phillips (1) and flathead (3) screwdriver tips, bottle opener, wire stripper, can opener. 2 x CR1616 batteries included. With Coast’s commitment to quality, the LED150 Multi-Tool is backed by Coast’s lifetime warranty against defects in materials and workmanship. 4 in length closed. Never opened clear blister case has some small cracks in the back around the sheath. https://coastportland.com/products/led150 Photos: https://imgur.com/a/VryHhPy
10) COAST FDX300 Double Lock One-Handed Open Stainless Steel Folding Knife, 3 in. blade, New in package, 2 available, $45 for both (regularly each $30 + tax) - One-handed opening, double lock system for double safety, stainless steel handle, partially-serrated and partially-straight blade, ambidextrous opening, 3-position pocket clip, 7Cr17 stainless steel (also known as 68Cr17, a modified version of 440A steel, with more vanadium elements added to give it extra strength, increase toughness and wear resistance). Lifetime warranty. It’s the drop point version of this $29 COAST partially-serrated tanto: https://coastportland.com/collections/cutting-tools/products/fdx306 Photos: https://imgur.com/a/yxS7uno
11) Squeeze Water Filters & Water Pouches - Photos: https://imgur.com/a/EyGwPih
a) Squeeze 34 Oz. Personal Water Filtration Bottle SP140 with self-contained filter, New, $35 (regularly $50) - Just scoop water into the bottle and drink. Filters up to 100,000 gallons. Highest level of filtration at 0.1 micron absolute. https://www.amazon.com/Sawyer-Products-SP140-Personal-34-Ounce/dp/B005SO8VAE
b) Sawyer Squeeze Water Filtration System SP129, New $34 (Regularly $46 + tax) - Highest level filtration to 0.1 micron absolute. Identical filter to above b) SP131. Includes Two Reusable 32-Oz, Bpa-Free Collapsible Pouches That Roll Up Tightly For Easy Packing, Drinking Straw, One Set Of Sawyer Inline Hydration Pack Adapters For Filter, And Mesh Storage Bag. https://www.amazon.com/Sawyer-Products-SP129-Filtration-Squeezable/dp/B00B1OSU4W/ref=sr_1_3
c) Sawyer Tap Filter for fast emergency water & for cabin use, New, $36 (Regularly $48 + tax) - Great for muddy tap water following pipeline work, use at a cabin or in an emergency. With tap filter, backwash adapter, threaded spigot adapter, dual threaded adapter, tap gauge and extension hose. Highest level filtration 0.1 micron absolute.
d) Box of Two 64 oz Sawyer Squeeze Pouches, New, $10.50 (Regularly $14 + tax) - 1 left. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B005SO8SPC/ref=twister_B08NGGJMD6
e) Box of Three 16 oz Sawyer Squeeze Pouches, New, $6.75 (regulary $9 + tax) - 2 boxes available. https://www.highwaterfilters.com/products/sp116-sawyer-5-l-16oz-squeezable-pouch-set-of-3
submitted by wildswalker to GearTrade [link] [comments]
1) Liteway Pyraomm Duo Tarp 2P Pyramid, Stealth Olive (just like MLD Duomid) + Liteway Pyraomm Mesh Half Inner, New (set up only once), $349 (Regularly $475 = Tarp $281 + Inner $194. Equivalent to MLD Duomid Tarp and Solomid XL mesh inner which sell for $470 = $290 + $180). Photos: https://imgur.com/a/Tq5mtRP - Extremely well-made pyramid shelter and generous half mesh inner - use the tarp alone, or the mesh alone on nice nights for stargazing, or both together for an ultralight double wall shelter. Fantastic bomber solo shelter, and the tarp works for two, but I’m always going on trips with my partner and we use a wider inner. Sheds wind far better than double trekking pole shelters. https://liteway.equipment/pyraomm-duo/pyraomm-duo-tarp https://liteway.equipment/pyraomm-duo-half-mesh
2) Hanchor Marl Large Backpack, 19-21 in. Torso, New, $239 (regularly $250 + $20 international shipping. Blows away Hyperlite Mountain Gear packs) - Top backpacking guide and author Andrew Skurka has praised the Hanchor Marl for its excellent construction, strong waterproof materials and light weight and has carried one on many trips. The Hanchor Marl blows away similar volume HMG packs for carrying capability, comfort and construction (incredible stitching), and at a much better price. Aluminum stays can also be shaped to exactly fit the curve of your back. The load lifters work great to keep weight off your shoulders. Bright interior makes it easy to find gear. Convenient hip pockets with waterproof zips. Clean, simple design is a pleasure to use, with everything you need and nothing you don’t. Large size typically fits 19-21 in. torsos (removable aluminum stays are 23.5 in long). Photos: https://imgur.com/a/fxTthYj
3) Ultimate Direction Fastpackher 30L, M/L, New, $139 (regularly $179.95 + tax) - Women's version of the above. Size goes by measurement around the widest part of the chest, the range is 36 in. to 48 in. and the pack is highly adjustable so you can dial it right in. The women's backpanel is only 1/2 in. narrower than the men's, so will fit men too. Just go to this link and click on "Sizing": https://ultimatedirection.com/fastpackher-30-2-0/ Photos: https://imgur.com/a/ZfY5IB4
4) Celestron TrailSeeker ED 8 x 42 Top-Rated Waterproof Binoculars, New, $289 (regularly $379.95 + tax) - Top rated for its class by Cornell Ornithology’s Binocular Buying Guide: “Our overall top pick for image quality and comfort among binoculars under $650.” Ideal for birding, hunting and sporting events. And 8 x 42 is the ideal size for varied light conditions as it gives you much better light gathering and a brighter image than smaller 8 x 25 binoculars. https://www.allaboutbirds.org/news/celestron-trailseeker-ed-8x42-binoculars-our-review/ Photos: https://imgur.com/a/Qda4Pvc
5) Hennessy Hammock 4 Season Expedition with XXL Snake Skins, New, $245 (regularly $309.90 = $289.95 + $19.95 for the XXL Snakeskins). Photos: https://imgur.com/a/LZN8HI8 Not only is the HH Expedition one of the best, most comfortable and durable 4 season hammocks you can get, it’s also popular for summer use in areas of high bug pressure as the double bottom is impervious to the worst mosquitoes (mosquitoes can bite through single layer hammocks). Many militaries rely on HH hammocks for good reason. Comes with attached mosquito netting, detachable Hex rain fly, support ropes, compression sack with set up instructions on back, complimentary standard 42" / 107 cm long "Tree Hugger" webbing straps to protect tree bark, and an oversized open-cell foam pad. HH asymmetrical design is very comfortable compared to more classic hammock designs.
6) Granite Gear Blaze 60L Backpack Women’s Fit, Highly Adjustable Regular Frame (18-21 in. torso), Black, New, only $189 (regularly $299.94 + Tax). Photos: https://imgur.com/a/SF9XV3r One of the most adjustable and comfortable lightweight load haulers. The capacity and generous extendable collar are great for longer trips or trips with heavier gear or a big water carry, yet easily cinch down for shorter trips. Women’s specific fit and frame is highly adjustable (also works great for men with narrower shoulder width). Makes a great winter pack too, with durable material and many lashing points.
7) Hillsound Weatherproof Packstack Pro Storage Sack, 40L Tall, New, $25 (regularly $35) weatherproof storage sack that made Outside Magazine's Gear Guide Editor's Choice Award. https://hillsound.com/products/packstackpro Photos: https://imgur.com/a/7wlWcDr
8) Hillsound Weatherproof Packstack Pro Storage Sack, 40L Short, New, $24 (regularly $34) - weatherproof storage sack that made Outside Magazine's Gear Guide Editor's Choice Award. https://hillsound.com/products/packstackpro Photos: https://imgur.com/a/7wlWcDr
9) COAST Dual LED Multi Tool, New, $30 (Regularly $49.99 + tax) - The LED150 Multi-Tool comes packed with 13 tools that can help you master any task or job. Tools: Spring-loaded pliers with wire cutter, 3.0 in. Blade, two built-in LEDs, Phillips (1) and flathead (3) screwdriver tips, bottle opener, wire stripper, can opener. 2 x CR1616 batteries included. With Coast’s commitment to quality, the LED150 Multi-Tool is backed by Coast’s lifetime warranty against defects in materials and workmanship. 4 in length closed. Never opened clear blister case has some small cracks in the back around the sheath. https://coastportland.com/products/led150 Photos: https://imgur.com/a/VryHhPy
10) COAST FDX300 Double Lock One-Handed Open Stainless Steel Folding Knife, 3 in. blade, New in package, 2 available, $45 for both (regularly each $30 + tax) - One-handed opening, double lock system for double safety, stainless steel handle, partially-serrated and partially-straight blade, ambidextrous opening, 3-position pocket clip, 7Cr17 stainless steel (also known as 68Cr17, a modified version of 440A steel, with more vanadium elements added to give it extra strength, increase toughness and wear resistance). Lifetime warranty. It’s the drop point version of this $29 COAST partially-serrated tanto: https://coastportland.com/collections/cutting-tools/products/fdx306 Photos: https://imgur.com/a/yxS7uno
11) Squeeze Water Filters & Water Pouches - Photos: https://imgur.com/a/EyGwPih
a) Squeeze 34 Oz. Personal Water Filtration Bottle SP140 with self-contained filter, New, $35 (regularly $50) - Just scoop water into the bottle and drink. Filters up to 100,000 gallons. Highest level of filtration at 0.1 micron absolute. https://www.amazon.com/Sawyer-Products-SP140-Personal-34-Ounce/dp/B005SO8VAE
b) Sawyer Squeeze Water Filtration System SP129, New $34 (Regularly $46 + tax) - Highest level filtration to 0.1 micron absolute. Identical filter to above b) SP131. Includes Two Reusable 32-Oz, Bpa-Free Collapsible Pouches That Roll Up Tightly For Easy Packing, Drinking Straw, One Set Of Sawyer Inline Hydration Pack Adapters For Filter, And Mesh Storage Bag. https://www.amazon.com/Sawyer-Products-SP129-Filtration-Squeezable/dp/B00B1OSU4W/ref=sr_1_3
c) Sawyer Tap Filter for fast emergency water & for cabin use, New, $36 (Regularly $48 + tax) - Great for muddy tap water following pipeline work, use at a cabin or in an emergency. With tap filter, backwash adapter, threaded spigot adapter, dual threaded adapter, tap gauge and extension hose. Highest level filtration 0.1 micron absolute.
d) Box of Two 64 oz Sawyer Squeeze Pouches, New, $10.50 (Regularly $14 + tax) - 1 left. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B005SO8SPC/ref=twister_B08NGGJMD6
e) Box of Three 16 oz Sawyer Squeeze Pouches, New, $6.75 (regulary $9 + tax) - 2 boxes available. https://www.highwaterfilters.com/products/sp116-sawyer-5-l-16oz-squeezable-pouch-set-of-3
2024.05.15 01:51 tryingredditlol My Story + Some Exciting News
I received some very exciting news from my doctor today - my LEEP results came back and my margins were clear! I’ve been receiving bad news for almost a year now, so I’m so, so happy to finally get some happy news.
Everything started almost a year ago in June when my Pap results came back abnormal. I technically wasn’t even supposed to get a Pap for another year and a half (based on the 3 year guideline for my age at the time - 25), but since I was going to a new doctor I decided to get one anyway. I’ve never had any fear about what the results of my Pap would be - very naive, but I just didn’t think it was common at all to have abnormalities. I was shocked and terrified when I got those results. My results were “Atypical squamous cells, cannot exclude high grade squamous intraepithelial lesion.” I was told I needed a colposcopy and when I made my appointment the quickest they could see me was a month away. I didn’t know how I was going to make it the month without an answer. The day before my appointment my doctor’s office called me and said I needed to reschedule because my doctor was sick, and the next available appointment was another month away. I couldn’t believe it. And then, a few days before the rescheduled appointment my doctor’s office called me AGAIN and said it needed to be rescheduled AGAIN! I didn’t end up getting my first colposcopy until September.
I was terrified to go to my first colposcopy appointment, but I didn’t feel any pain and it was very quick. My doctor seemed hopeful, and said there was only one little spot. Unfortunately, I received the results a few days later which showed CIN-2. Once again, shocked and terrified. My doctor explained I could wait 6 months to see if it regressed or I could proceed with the LEEP. I was terrified to move forward with such an invasive procedure, so I opted to wait the 6 months and receive another colposcopy.
My second colposcopy was in April. I was once again terrified. The procedure went well with no pain and again, my doctor seemed hopeful. I was told if it stayed the same or got better we could continue to monitor it, but if it got worse, I would need a LEEP. I received the results a few days later and it showed CIN-3. These results hit me the hardest out of all of them.
My LEEP took place last Wednesday. I was given the choice to receive local anesthetic or general anesthesia, and I decided I would do it in the doctor’s office awake with the local anesthetic. I had pain free experiences with the colposcopy and I was told I wouldn’t feel anything, so I thought this was the right choice. I took 600mg of ibuprofen before my appointment as instructed, and felt nervous but overall okay. First came the local anesthetic, which I’ve read can be very painful. I din’t feel too much pain, but all of a sudden my legs were involuntarily shaking and I felt an extreme wave of anxiety. Next came the LEEP, which they had to do 3 passes. Each time they did it I felt extreme pain. After the first pass, I was heavy breathing, trying to breathe through the pain and keep myself calm. However, the nurse didn’t seem to like that and told me “You need to calm down! You’re going to make yourself sick! You shouldn’t be feeling anything!” That made me so unbelievably angry because 1. I am breathing heavily because I’m trying to calm myself down and 2. I certainly feel pain. The whole experience felt so barbaric. I truly regret not opting for the general anesthesia.
It took just under a week to receive the results. I felt so defeated after receiving continuous bad news that I had pretty much already accepted the results would be less than ideal. I received the call from my doctor today and the first thing she said was “I have good news.” I cried so many happy tears and felt a sense of relief that I haven’t felt in so long.
Thank you so much to everyone who has shared their experiences here. I felt so alone when I first received my results, but I felt like I had a support system here, hearing from so many women going through the same thing. Much love.
submitted by tryingredditlol to PreCervicalCancer [link] [comments]
Everything started almost a year ago in June when my Pap results came back abnormal. I technically wasn’t even supposed to get a Pap for another year and a half (based on the 3 year guideline for my age at the time - 25), but since I was going to a new doctor I decided to get one anyway. I’ve never had any fear about what the results of my Pap would be - very naive, but I just didn’t think it was common at all to have abnormalities. I was shocked and terrified when I got those results. My results were “Atypical squamous cells, cannot exclude high grade squamous intraepithelial lesion.” I was told I needed a colposcopy and when I made my appointment the quickest they could see me was a month away. I didn’t know how I was going to make it the month without an answer. The day before my appointment my doctor’s office called me and said I needed to reschedule because my doctor was sick, and the next available appointment was another month away. I couldn’t believe it. And then, a few days before the rescheduled appointment my doctor’s office called me AGAIN and said it needed to be rescheduled AGAIN! I didn’t end up getting my first colposcopy until September.
I was terrified to go to my first colposcopy appointment, but I didn’t feel any pain and it was very quick. My doctor seemed hopeful, and said there was only one little spot. Unfortunately, I received the results a few days later which showed CIN-2. Once again, shocked and terrified. My doctor explained I could wait 6 months to see if it regressed or I could proceed with the LEEP. I was terrified to move forward with such an invasive procedure, so I opted to wait the 6 months and receive another colposcopy.
My second colposcopy was in April. I was once again terrified. The procedure went well with no pain and again, my doctor seemed hopeful. I was told if it stayed the same or got better we could continue to monitor it, but if it got worse, I would need a LEEP. I received the results a few days later and it showed CIN-3. These results hit me the hardest out of all of them.
My LEEP took place last Wednesday. I was given the choice to receive local anesthetic or general anesthesia, and I decided I would do it in the doctor’s office awake with the local anesthetic. I had pain free experiences with the colposcopy and I was told I wouldn’t feel anything, so I thought this was the right choice. I took 600mg of ibuprofen before my appointment as instructed, and felt nervous but overall okay. First came the local anesthetic, which I’ve read can be very painful. I din’t feel too much pain, but all of a sudden my legs were involuntarily shaking and I felt an extreme wave of anxiety. Next came the LEEP, which they had to do 3 passes. Each time they did it I felt extreme pain. After the first pass, I was heavy breathing, trying to breathe through the pain and keep myself calm. However, the nurse didn’t seem to like that and told me “You need to calm down! You’re going to make yourself sick! You shouldn’t be feeling anything!” That made me so unbelievably angry because 1. I am breathing heavily because I’m trying to calm myself down and 2. I certainly feel pain. The whole experience felt so barbaric. I truly regret not opting for the general anesthesia.
It took just under a week to receive the results. I felt so defeated after receiving continuous bad news that I had pretty much already accepted the results would be less than ideal. I received the call from my doctor today and the first thing she said was “I have good news.” I cried so many happy tears and felt a sense of relief that I haven’t felt in so long.
Thank you so much to everyone who has shared their experiences here. I felt so alone when I first received my results, but I felt like I had a support system here, hearing from so many women going through the same thing. Much love.
2024.05.15 01:50 Pharaoh_Silver Thinking of writing a letter to my parents.. has anyone done this?
Been dealing with CPTSD/autism and finally got diagnosed with CPTSD a little while ago after knowing I had it for several years (known about autism since 2012). I've strongly considered writing a letter to my parents through snail mail, with no return address. I've had a lot running through my mind lately and I know that my parents are getting up there in age. They should be 86 and 65 right now and I feel like before they pass on I need to let them know the damage they did to me, and how my life has been significantly better without them, that I won't ever forgive them.
I feel like if I did it, I could finally move on and throw it out as an anchor knowing that it's out there. Just writing it and throwing it away just didn't do it for me, it still felt like the environment that hurt me still won in that case.
Does it sound like a good idea and if so has anyone else done it and how did it go for you?
submitted by Pharaoh_Silver to CPTSD [link] [comments]
I feel like if I did it, I could finally move on and throw it out as an anchor knowing that it's out there. Just writing it and throwing it away just didn't do it for me, it still felt like the environment that hurt me still won in that case.
Does it sound like a good idea and if so has anyone else done it and how did it go for you?
2024.05.15 01:46 OEEGrackle Closing the budget gap
It's good to see a mayor asking for and using ideas from the departments and the unions, and allowing time for City Council reactions before finalizing the budget.
https://www.sevendaysvt.com/news/mulvaney-stanak-outlines-steps-to-close-burlingtons-budget-gap-40892287?utm_source=Seven+Days+Email+Newsletters&utm_campaign=bf95860c2a-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2024_05_13_02_34&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_-bf95860c2a-%5BLIST_EMAIL_ID%5D
submitted by OEEGrackle to burlington [link] [comments]
https://www.sevendaysvt.com/news/mulvaney-stanak-outlines-steps-to-close-burlingtons-budget-gap-40892287?utm_source=Seven+Days+Email+Newsletters&utm_campaign=bf95860c2a-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2024_05_13_02_34&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_-bf95860c2a-%5BLIST_EMAIL_ID%5D
2024.05.15 01:45 ElmarSuperstar131 Anybody else very disappointed, annoyed or even triggered by “Creators For Palestine”?
Over the past week or so, a bunch of YouTubers (at least 50) have banded together and made a “Creators For Palestine” fundraiser, which has hit over $532k in donations at the time of writing this post.
I’ve already had to unfollow quite a few people that are pro Palestine/free Palestine, and I’ve also lost who I thought were good friends because of it. Now seeing quite a few of my favorite content creators on this list is rather upsetting, because they’re clearly on the wrong side. There’s even a sense of guilt on my end knowing that I platformed some of these creators in 2022 when I was a writer for a popular entertainment news website.
It just feels like there’s hardly any mainstream/huge celebrity support for Israel, when are people going to realize that what is going on with the region of Palestine was self-inflicted by Hamas? THEY ARE HOLDING OUR HOSTAGES, where is the fundraiser for their families?!?
submitted by ElmarSuperstar131 to Israel [link] [comments]
I’ve already had to unfollow quite a few people that are pro Palestine/free Palestine, and I’ve also lost who I thought were good friends because of it. Now seeing quite a few of my favorite content creators on this list is rather upsetting, because they’re clearly on the wrong side. There’s even a sense of guilt on my end knowing that I platformed some of these creators in 2022 when I was a writer for a popular entertainment news website.
It just feels like there’s hardly any mainstream/huge celebrity support for Israel, when are people going to realize that what is going on with the region of Palestine was self-inflicted by Hamas? THEY ARE HOLDING OUR HOSTAGES, where is the fundraiser for their families?!?
2024.05.15 01:44 notrabalho I love the Palmer Method, but I have some concerns
I've been practicing with the Palmer Method handbook for a couple of weeks now: I can already lay down some legible scribbles, and it feels just so good how free and flowing writing that way goes. Even so early on my handwriting with the Palmer Method already looks better than it does with my typical 'fingerwriting' - no joke. Though it's still very inconsistent, but I just need more practice.
Now, what concerns me:
Thanks!
submitted by notrabalho to Handwriting [link] [comments]
Now, what concerns me:
- I have that ideal setup to write on at home and at work: desk and chair at just the right height. But I plan on getting back in college next year, so eventually I'll have to make do with those tablet arm chairs, which sucks: as I'm tall, they're generally way too short for me, and there's not a lot of writing surface or room to anchor my forearm. Even though certainly less than ideal, is the Palmer Method still functional that way?
- Is the Palmer Method in any way unhealthful? A friend of mine noticed me practicing at work as asked about it, and when I explained how the arm movement works they just asked if I'm sure that's healthy for the shoulder. And honestly... I don't know. Then I just shrugged, but their question now is in the back of my mind. Though I haven't felt any level of distress through my many hours of practice, some injuries come out of nowhere; like when it's out of repetitive motions.
Thanks!
2024.05.15 01:39 StPapaNoel Personally I think the future is pretty damn bright!
It kind of seems like every year we see a period of "Electric Vehicles are DONE!", "Electric Vehicles are not selling!", etc. etc. ad nauseam.
After every year finishes I check the actual numbers when it comes to Battery Electric Vehicles (BEV), Conventional Hybrids, Plug-in hybrid electric vehicles (PHEV), etc. etc.
Guess what...
They are always up lol
Yes interest rates are high right now.
Yes although the economy is doing good there is a general feeling amongst regular folks and families that there is still a massive Affordability of life crisis and so they may be holding back from big purchases.
Yes some people are holding back till standards like NACS, apartment/work charging sites, and so forth come into place.
All that being said Electric Vehicles are going to keep increasing and increasing in market share. The GROWTH has slowed down. There is still growth.. Year after year.
Now for the future:
https://www.caranddriver.com/news/g29994375/future-electric-cars-trucks/
These and others are going to lead to a lot more sales and growth going forward.
The technology, engineering, and software are going to keep improving and improving just like they always do.
We will keep seeing a better charging infrastructure in both quality and vastness.
We will keep seeing batteries improve in quality/life/range/weight.
We will continue to see prices improve with scalability.
Frankly all this doomsday and apocalyptic talk and headlines is just noise.
submitted by StPapaNoel to electricvehicles [link] [comments]
After every year finishes I check the actual numbers when it comes to Battery Electric Vehicles (BEV), Conventional Hybrids, Plug-in hybrid electric vehicles (PHEV), etc. etc.
Guess what...
They are always up lol
Yes interest rates are high right now.
Yes although the economy is doing good there is a general feeling amongst regular folks and families that there is still a massive Affordability of life crisis and so they may be holding back from big purchases.
Yes some people are holding back till standards like NACS, apartment/work charging sites, and so forth come into place.
All that being said Electric Vehicles are going to keep increasing and increasing in market share. The GROWTH has slowed down. There is still growth.. Year after year.
Now for the future:
- Rivian R2, R3, R3X (In particular Rivian R3)
- Chevrolet Bolt EV on the Ultium platform
- Volvo EX30
https://www.caranddriver.com/news/g29994375/future-electric-cars-trucks/
These and others are going to lead to a lot more sales and growth going forward.
The technology, engineering, and software are going to keep improving and improving just like they always do.
We will keep seeing a better charging infrastructure in both quality and vastness.
We will keep seeing batteries improve in quality/life/range/weight.
We will continue to see prices improve with scalability.
Frankly all this doomsday and apocalyptic talk and headlines is just noise.
2024.05.15 01:34 tommygunz007 Struggling with some social media addiction and looking for ways to correct it.
I feel like something is missing.
I know 99% of it is actually talking to others and getting a sense of their lives and wants and needs, something I currently haven't done because of my low-paying job as a flight attendant. I used to work at Restaurants and felt more connected to the world and society.
Social Media to me feels like.. picking up a Vogue Magazine. It's very limited in scope. I see hot models. I see ads for cologne and clothing. I see fancy cars and photos of travel destinations. That's like 99% of my Instagram right now - Vogue Magazine.
When I walk outside my home, the jobs I can physically see are those shitty ones. Barista, McDonalds, Wal-Mart. Those aren't the jobs to get, those aren't the jobs that will pay you enough to live.
I feel as though the real world, is somehow hiding from me (a direct result of my FA airline job I am certain).
The real world for me, is sitting at a bar having a beer with a microbiologist who is discussing the breakthroughs of addiction as it relates to Ozempic and how they are leading a team of junior researchers to find out why Ozempic and gut science have also shown reductions in non-food-related addictions also.
The real world for me, is having a discussion with the sales guy who deals with rhodium and palladium for pace makers at Boston Scientific, or maybe that QC expert at Bausch & Lomb Contact Lenz division.
Somehow I am not getting the 'right' news, the right stories, the right knowledge as to what is happening behind the scenes. I feel lost often, as though the bottom 90% of the population is now plugged into the matrix and the remaining 10% (where the good jobs and good money are) are now hidden from sight.
With inflation on the rise, like poverty, we are facing difficult times ahead. I am curious as to what areas have growth? What sectors show promise? I see AI but we are still a ways off before it actually moves society forward in a good way, vs a way to enslave and ensnare us.
SO my real question is how do you keep away from social media and get news that is in your field, in your discipline, and also in hot zones for future development? Walking through places like Rochester, New York, Main Street is Dead. Same for Utica, Geneva, Syracuse. Cities all along the upstate railway are rapidly collapsing into chaos. I am just not sure what the solution is for me, besides less social media and perhaps more magazines like Financial papers or Business Weekly.
How do you not get lost in all of this?
submitted by tommygunz007 to AskGaybrosOver30 [link] [comments]
I know 99% of it is actually talking to others and getting a sense of their lives and wants and needs, something I currently haven't done because of my low-paying job as a flight attendant. I used to work at Restaurants and felt more connected to the world and society.
Social Media to me feels like.. picking up a Vogue Magazine. It's very limited in scope. I see hot models. I see ads for cologne and clothing. I see fancy cars and photos of travel destinations. That's like 99% of my Instagram right now - Vogue Magazine.
When I walk outside my home, the jobs I can physically see are those shitty ones. Barista, McDonalds, Wal-Mart. Those aren't the jobs to get, those aren't the jobs that will pay you enough to live.
I feel as though the real world, is somehow hiding from me (a direct result of my FA airline job I am certain).
The real world for me, is sitting at a bar having a beer with a microbiologist who is discussing the breakthroughs of addiction as it relates to Ozempic and how they are leading a team of junior researchers to find out why Ozempic and gut science have also shown reductions in non-food-related addictions also.
The real world for me, is having a discussion with the sales guy who deals with rhodium and palladium for pace makers at Boston Scientific, or maybe that QC expert at Bausch & Lomb Contact Lenz division.
Somehow I am not getting the 'right' news, the right stories, the right knowledge as to what is happening behind the scenes. I feel lost often, as though the bottom 90% of the population is now plugged into the matrix and the remaining 10% (where the good jobs and good money are) are now hidden from sight.
With inflation on the rise, like poverty, we are facing difficult times ahead. I am curious as to what areas have growth? What sectors show promise? I see AI but we are still a ways off before it actually moves society forward in a good way, vs a way to enslave and ensnare us.
SO my real question is how do you keep away from social media and get news that is in your field, in your discipline, and also in hot zones for future development? Walking through places like Rochester, New York, Main Street is Dead. Same for Utica, Geneva, Syracuse. Cities all along the upstate railway are rapidly collapsing into chaos. I am just not sure what the solution is for me, besides less social media and perhaps more magazines like Financial papers or Business Weekly.
How do you not get lost in all of this?
2024.05.15 01:32 zr5vq9 Bobby Lee featured on a men of culture YouTube channel
 | https://reddit.com/link/1cs6jrp/video/f89bo4sa7h0d1/player submitted by zr5vq9 to h3snark [link] [comments] I just found this video on a “men of culture” YouTube channel. The channel is a bunch of creep shots of news anchor women. This particular woman is screaming, running away, and wailing for help. But, her cries for help goes unheard. Because, these “men of culture”, they think that means she is unsatisfied and eager for more. Screaming means she likes it. That is your brain when you listen to the H3 podcast whom refer to women as “lactating mammals 54:30” reminiscent of “femoid”, in incel culture, a portmanteau of female-humanoid. The same podcast host who said “women, in a nature setting, like to be conquered (1:23:00).” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58YA-RGm3Zw https://www.youtube.com/@stephenroad7618/videos |
2024.05.15 01:29 Taltalonix Started with a simple data crawler, now I manage a Kafka cluster
How it started
I started working on a project that required scraping a ton of market data from multiple sources (mostly trades and depth information, but I'm definitely planning on incorporating news and other data for sentiment analysis and screening heuristics).Step 1 - A simple crawler
I made a simple crawler in go that periodically saves the data locally with SQLite. It worked ok but was having a ton of memory leaks mainly due to the high throughput of data and string serialization (around 1000 entries per second was the limit).Step 2 - A crawler and a flask server to save the data
The next step was separating the data processing from the crawling itself, this involved having a flask server send the database transactions. I chose python because I didn't care about latency once the data is received, which turned out to be a mistake when reaching 10,000 entries per second.Step 3 - A bunch of crawlers producing data into a queue, Kafka connector to save into Postgres
This is where I'm at now, after trying to fix countless memory leaks and stress issues on my flask server I knew I had to scale horizontally. There were probably many solution on how to solve this but I though this is a good opportunity to get hands on experience with Kafka.So now I find myself doing more devops than actually developing a strategy, but I'd be nice to have a powerful crawler in case I ever want to analyze bulk data.
Curious on what different tech stacks others might be using
2024.05.15 01:25 Clear-Sight-Moon Our SGI Family Wrestles with the War in Gaza and College Protests, Part 2: What is Happening Under the Hood?
What follows is an opinion piece written by one SGI family and represents our--and only our--thoughts.
In Part 1 we discussed the "ideosphere" and how frightened we are as parents. How will it's current negativity shape the thinking of our small children as they grow up? What will be the effect of the deep divisions in thinking on the ideosphere? The extremes and bouncing around can't be good gor our kids. And the zero-sum gain perspectives that "I'm right and you're wrong, no need to talk"--that also will harm their development.
On the one hand, we don't want our children's minds darkened by the desperate agenda of a radicalized Left. On the other, we have a growing and anti-democratic MAGA Right that is equally worrisome. Where is the institutionalized Center? According to the political scientists Sam Rosenfeld and Daniel Schlozman, both political parties have become "hollow". The mainstream Democratic Party is described by them as "feckless" and its counterpart Republican Party is "chaotic."
This condition constitutes a systemic dysfunctional ideosphere. What lies at its root? What drives it? What are the precise mechanisms and gears that keep it pumping?
For the sake of contrast, let's look at the days of Walt Whitman. We start with his vision of an open democratic process. It was a way of life, thinking, and imagining. It permeated social, cultural, political, and individual realms. It was an ascendant and inevitable evolutionary force in human history. Under it people would flourish and develop virtue.
To actualize this vision he engaged in an unending battle of words. He tried to create engaged poetry that reflected his democratic vision. In For You O Democracy, he wrote about the spirit of togetherness and equality. In Song of Myself, he sang that democracy must include all people equally or it will fail. Democratic Vistas inspired readers that the purpose of democracy is to promote an individualism that allows great and brilliant people to shine. [The above two paragraphs are partially AI-generated.]
Six hundred years before Whitman, Nichiren envisioned a universe in which the social, natural, and individual realms were interconnected. In this conception, Nichiren viewed human agency as the animating force that could shape time, space, and destiny.
According to Nichiren, the root of dysfunction is the lack of foundational philosophies such as those he or Whitman proposed. In his treatise “On Establishing the Correct Teaching," Nichiren states:
Our family lives in 2.5 RVs conceived as a ”longhouse." They are situated in a remote patch of the woods at the edges of a small town. But we are rooted in Nichiren's grand philosophy of life brought to life by three amazing mentors and underlined by the accomplishments of millions of members who actualized them.
Our family is determined to contribute to build on this foundation and help formulate a new ideosphere.
submitted by Clear-Sight-Moon to SGIWhistleblowersMITA [link] [comments]
In Part 1 we discussed the "ideosphere" and how frightened we are as parents. How will it's current negativity shape the thinking of our small children as they grow up? What will be the effect of the deep divisions in thinking on the ideosphere? The extremes and bouncing around can't be good gor our kids. And the zero-sum gain perspectives that "I'm right and you're wrong, no need to talk"--that also will harm their development.
On the one hand, we don't want our children's minds darkened by the desperate agenda of a radicalized Left. On the other, we have a growing and anti-democratic MAGA Right that is equally worrisome. Where is the institutionalized Center? According to the political scientists Sam Rosenfeld and Daniel Schlozman, both political parties have become "hollow". The mainstream Democratic Party is described by them as "feckless" and its counterpart Republican Party is "chaotic."
This condition constitutes a systemic dysfunctional ideosphere. What lies at its root? What drives it? What are the precise mechanisms and gears that keep it pumping?
For the sake of contrast, let's look at the days of Walt Whitman. We start with his vision of an open democratic process. It was a way of life, thinking, and imagining. It permeated social, cultural, political, and individual realms. It was an ascendant and inevitable evolutionary force in human history. Under it people would flourish and develop virtue.
To actualize this vision he engaged in an unending battle of words. He tried to create engaged poetry that reflected his democratic vision. In For You O Democracy, he wrote about the spirit of togetherness and equality. In Song of Myself, he sang that democracy must include all people equally or it will fail. Democratic Vistas inspired readers that the purpose of democracy is to promote an individualism that allows great and brilliant people to shine. [The above two paragraphs are partially AI-generated.]
Six hundred years before Whitman, Nichiren envisioned a universe in which the social, natural, and individual realms were interconnected. In this conception, Nichiren viewed human agency as the animating force that could shape time, space, and destiny.
According to Nichiren, the root of dysfunction is the lack of foundational philosophies such as those he or Whitman proposed. In his treatise “On Establishing the Correct Teaching," Nichiren states:
"When a nation becomes disordered, it is the spirits that first show signs of rampancy. Because the spirits become rampant, all the people of the nation become disordered.” (WND-1, p. 8).A time check. Today the nation is disordered. The spirits of the people are showing rampancy. Society is equally disordered.
Our family lives in 2.5 RVs conceived as a ”longhouse." They are situated in a remote patch of the woods at the edges of a small town. But we are rooted in Nichiren's grand philosophy of life brought to life by three amazing mentors and underlined by the accomplishments of millions of members who actualized them.
Our family is determined to contribute to build on this foundation and help formulate a new ideosphere.
2024.05.15 01:24 enoumen A Daily chronicle of AI Innovations May 14th 2024: 🚀 GPT-4o: 2x faster, 50% cheaper, 5x rate limits than GPT-4 Turbo 🗣️ OpenAI unveils GPT-4o and new voice capabilities 🔍 TikTok tests ChatGPT-powered search results 🎧 Meta explores AI-assisted earphones with built-in cameras
A Daily chronicle of AI Innovations May 14th 2024:
🚀 GPT-4o: 2x faster, 50% cheaper, 5x rate limits than GPT-4 Turbo
🗣️ OpenAI unveils GPT-4o and new voice capabilities
🔍 TikTok tests ChatGPT-powered search results
🎧 Meta explores AI-assisted earphones with built-in cameras
💰 Anthropic launches Claude in Europe in the hope of raising more money
🤖 UAE launches a new AI model to compete with big tech
🖥️ Japan team builds Gen AI foundation model using supercomputer Fukagu
⏰ Microsoft Places finds the best time for your next office day
🤝 U.S. and China to meet in Geneva to discuss AI risks
🎧 Meta developing AI-powered ‘Camerabuds’
Enjoying these daily updates, subscribe below for more: Read Aloud For Me - Recommend AI Tools For Me
OpenAI unveils GPT-4o and new voice capabilities
https://www.youtube.com/live/DQacCB9tDaw?si=J_jFlxvKZUOOIJoX
OpenAI just unveiled GPT-4o, a new advanced multimodal model that integrates text, vision and audio processing, setting new benchmarks for performance – alongside a slew of new features.
The new model:
GPT-4o provides improved performance across text, vision, audio, coding, and non-English generations, smashing GPT-4T’s performance. The new model is 50% cheaper to use, has 5x higher rate limits than GPT-4T, and boasts 2x the generation speed of previous models. The new model was also revealed to be the mysterious ‘im-also-a-good-gpt2-chatbot’ found in the Lmsys Arena last week. Voice and other upgrades:
New voice capabilities include real-time responses, detecting and responding with emotion, and combining voice with text and vision. The demo showcased feats like real-time translation, two AI models analyzing a live video, and using voice and vision for tutoring and coding assistance. OpenAI’s blog also detailed advances like 3D generation, font creation, huge improvements to text generation within images, sound effect synthesis, and more. OpenAI also announced a new ChatGPT desktop app for macOS with a refreshed UI, integrating directly into computer workflows. Free for everyone:
GPT-4o, GPTs, and features like memory and data analysis are now available to all users, bringing advanced capabilities to the free tier for the first time. The GPT-4o model is currently rolling out to all users in ChatGPT and via the API, with the new voice capabilities expected to arrive over the coming weeks. Source: https://www.youtube.com/live/DQacCB9tDaw?si=J_jFlxvKZUOOIJoX
GPT-4o: 2x faster, 50% cheaper, 5x rate limits than GPT-4 Turbo
OpenAI unveiled its new flagship model, GPT-4o (“o” stands for “omni”). It provides GPT-4-level intelligence but is 2x faster, 50% cheaper, has 5x higher rate limits, and enhanced text, voice, and vision capabilities than GPT-4 Turbo. It also matches GPT-4 Turbo performance on text in English and code, with significant improvements for text in non-English languages.
GPT-4o can respond to audio inputs in as little as 232 ms, with an average of 320 ms, which is similar to human response time in a conversation. It is available in the ChatGPT free tier and to Plus users.
Why does it matter?
GPT-4o is a step towards much more natural human-computer interaction. It accepts any combination of text, audio, and image as input and generates any combination of text, audio, and image outputs. GPT-4o will set a new benchmark for AI capabilities and pave the way for more intelligent and accessible AI systems.
Source: https://openai.com/index/hello-gpt-4o
TikTok tests ChatGPT-powered search results
TikTok is testing a new search feature that uses AI to generate results for some queries. For certain search terms, like recipes or product recommendations, TikTok will display AI-generated answers at the top of the results. These answers are powered by ChatGPT, and when you click on one of these AI results, it takes you to a page with a full response.
TikTok is also testing "search highlights," which appear at the top of some searches. However, it's unclear whether these highlights are AI-generated.
TikTok is also testing "search highlights," which appear at the top of some searches. However, it's unclear whether these highlights are AI-generated.
Why does it matter?
It could make search on TikTok more authoritative and reliable by providing factual answers from AI models like ChatGPT. This could greatly impact how people use TikTok for search and information gathering, thereby positioning TikTok more directly as a search engine competitor to Google, catering to younger users' preferences.
Source: https://www.theverge.com/2024/5/13/24155875/tiktok-ai-generated-search-results-highlights-chatgpt
Meta explores AI-assisted earphones with built-in cameras
Meta is currently exploring AI-powered earphones with built-in cameras. The project is known internally as “Camerabuds;” however, it’s uncertain if the final product will be in-ear earbuds or over-ear headphones. The cameras let the AI take in surrounding information visually, allowing it to translate foreign languages, identify objects, and more.
CEO Mark Zuckerberg has reportedly seen several possible designs but has not been satisfied with them. Outside of design, the major hurdle is fitting a camera and batteries in a tiny device like an earbud.
Why does it matter?
For the AI wearable space, Meta's development hints at a growing interest in AI-infused devices, potentially paving the way for more sophisticated and interactive wearables. Regarding earphones, this development suggests a potential shift towards more intelligent and feature-rich earphone designs, offering users enhanced functionalities like real-time translation and object identification.
Source: https://www.theinformation.com/articles/meta-explores-ai-assisted-earphones-with-cameras
🎧 Meta developing AI-powered ‘Camerabuds’
Meta is reportedly in the early stages of developing AI-powered earphones, known internally as "Camerabuds,” — aiming to compete with OpenAI and Apple as tech giants rush to infuse AI into wearable devices.
‘Camerabuds’ would map user surroundings, capable of identifying objects and translating foreign languages using built-in cameras.
Meta already has its AI-powered Ray Ban smart glasses, while OpenAI and Apple are also exploring similar AI wearable earbud tech.
Potential challenges include bulkiness, heat generation, and privacy concerns, especially for users with long hair that might obstruct the cameras.
Despite Meta’s shaky track record with hardware ventures, Mark Zuckerberg is investing heavily in a future that he believes includes AI embedded into every device. But will standalone devices like this be able to win over users if and when a fully AI-integrated phone hits the market?
Source: https://www.theinformation.com/articles/meta-explores-ai-assisted-earphones-with-cameras
New AI Job Opportunities on May 14th, 2024
🔍 Perplexity AI - Search Engineer: https://jobs.therundown.ai/jobs/59717759-search-engineer
📋 Shield AI - Project Manager: https://jobs.therundown.ai/jobs/59662354-project-manager-r2638
🌍 C3 AI - General Manager, ESG: https://jobs.therundown.ai/jobs/59647575-general-manager-esg
☁️ Scale AI - Software Engineer, Cloud Infra: https://jobs.therundown.ai/jobs/59597384-software-engineer-cloud-infra
What Else Is Happening in AI on May 14th, 2024❗
💰 Anthropic launches Claude in Europe in the hope of raising more money
Anthropic launches Claude in Europe with support for “multiple languages,” including French, German, Italian, and Spanish across Claude.ai, its iOS app, and its business plan for teams. The launch comes after Anthropic extended its API to Europe for developers. Both moves are part of its bigger push to raise more money for rapid growth. (Link: https://techcrunch.com/2024/05/13/anthropic-is-expanding-to-europe-and-raising-more-money)
🤖 UAE launches a new AI model to compete with big tech
Abu Dhabi's Technology Innovation Institute (TII) released Falcon 2 series: Falcon 2 11B, a text-based model, and Falcon 2 11B VLM, a vision-to-language model that can generate a text description of an uploaded image. This Gen AI model could compete with some of the biggest technology companies and make UAE a strong candidate in the Gen AI space. (Link: https://www.reuters.com/technology/uae-releases-new-ai-model-compete-with-big-tech-2024-05-13)
🖥️ Japan team builds Gen AI foundation model using supercomputer Fukagu
Tokyo Institute of Technology researchers and others have announced the development of an LLM that can serve as a foundation for Gen AI using the Japanese supercomputer Fugaku. Trained extensively on Japanese data, which accounts for 60% of the total training data, the Fugaku-LLM model is expected to lead research on Gen AI tailored to domestic needs. (Link: https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2024/05/11/japan/ai-fugaku-language-model-japanese)
⏰ Microsoft Places finds the best time for your next office day
Microsoft has launched a new app called Microsoft Places that uses AI to help employees and managers coordinate their in-office days and book meeting rooms. The application integrates with Outlook and Microsoft Teams, allowing employees to view and share their office plans and get AI-powered suggestions on which days they should come in. (Link: https://www.theverge.com/2024/5/13/24155204/microsoft-places-ai-hybrid-office-feature)
🤝 U.S. and China to meet in Geneva to discuss AI risks
The U.S. and China will hold their first formal government-to-government discussion on the risks of artificial intelligence in Geneva. The U.S. side will be led by officials from the National Security Council and State Department, while the Chinese side will be led by officials from the Foreign Ministry and the National Development and Reform Commission. (Link: https://asia.nikkei.com/Business/Technology/U.S.-and-China-to-hold-first-talks-on-AI-risks-in-Geneva)
Enjoying these daily updates, subscribe below for more: Read Aloud For Me - Recommend AI Tools For Me
submitted by enoumen to u/enoumen [link] [comments]
🚀 GPT-4o: 2x faster, 50% cheaper, 5x rate limits than GPT-4 Turbo
🗣️ OpenAI unveils GPT-4o and new voice capabilities
🔍 TikTok tests ChatGPT-powered search results
🎧 Meta explores AI-assisted earphones with built-in cameras
💰 Anthropic launches Claude in Europe in the hope of raising more money
🤖 UAE launches a new AI model to compete with big tech
🖥️ Japan team builds Gen AI foundation model using supercomputer Fukagu
⏰ Microsoft Places finds the best time for your next office day
🤝 U.S. and China to meet in Geneva to discuss AI risks
🎧 Meta developing AI-powered ‘Camerabuds’
Enjoying these daily updates, subscribe below for more: Read Aloud For Me - Recommend AI Tools For Me
OpenAI unveils GPT-4o and new voice capabilities
https://www.youtube.com/live/DQacCB9tDaw?si=J_jFlxvKZUOOIJoX
OpenAI just unveiled GPT-4o, a new advanced multimodal model that integrates text, vision and audio processing, setting new benchmarks for performance – alongside a slew of new features.
The new model:
GPT-4o provides improved performance across text, vision, audio, coding, and non-English generations, smashing GPT-4T’s performance. The new model is 50% cheaper to use, has 5x higher rate limits than GPT-4T, and boasts 2x the generation speed of previous models. The new model was also revealed to be the mysterious ‘im-also-a-good-gpt2-chatbot’ found in the Lmsys Arena last week. Voice and other upgrades:
New voice capabilities include real-time responses, detecting and responding with emotion, and combining voice with text and vision. The demo showcased feats like real-time translation, two AI models analyzing a live video, and using voice and vision for tutoring and coding assistance. OpenAI’s blog also detailed advances like 3D generation, font creation, huge improvements to text generation within images, sound effect synthesis, and more. OpenAI also announced a new ChatGPT desktop app for macOS with a refreshed UI, integrating directly into computer workflows. Free for everyone:
GPT-4o, GPTs, and features like memory and data analysis are now available to all users, bringing advanced capabilities to the free tier for the first time. The GPT-4o model is currently rolling out to all users in ChatGPT and via the API, with the new voice capabilities expected to arrive over the coming weeks. Source: https://www.youtube.com/live/DQacCB9tDaw?si=J_jFlxvKZUOOIJoX
GPT-4o: 2x faster, 50% cheaper, 5x rate limits than GPT-4 Turbo
OpenAI unveiled its new flagship model, GPT-4o (“o” stands for “omni”). It provides GPT-4-level intelligence but is 2x faster, 50% cheaper, has 5x higher rate limits, and enhanced text, voice, and vision capabilities than GPT-4 Turbo. It also matches GPT-4 Turbo performance on text in English and code, with significant improvements for text in non-English languages.
GPT-4o can respond to audio inputs in as little as 232 ms, with an average of 320 ms, which is similar to human response time in a conversation. It is available in the ChatGPT free tier and to Plus users.
Why does it matter?
GPT-4o is a step towards much more natural human-computer interaction. It accepts any combination of text, audio, and image as input and generates any combination of text, audio, and image outputs. GPT-4o will set a new benchmark for AI capabilities and pave the way for more intelligent and accessible AI systems.
Source: https://openai.com/index/hello-gpt-4o
TikTok tests ChatGPT-powered search results
TikTok is testing a new search feature that uses AI to generate results for some queries. For certain search terms, like recipes or product recommendations, TikTok will display AI-generated answers at the top of the results. These answers are powered by ChatGPT, and when you click on one of these AI results, it takes you to a page with a full response.
TikTok is also testing "search highlights," which appear at the top of some searches. However, it's unclear whether these highlights are AI-generated.
TikTok is also testing "search highlights," which appear at the top of some searches. However, it's unclear whether these highlights are AI-generated.
Why does it matter?
It could make search on TikTok more authoritative and reliable by providing factual answers from AI models like ChatGPT. This could greatly impact how people use TikTok for search and information gathering, thereby positioning TikTok more directly as a search engine competitor to Google, catering to younger users' preferences.
Source: https://www.theverge.com/2024/5/13/24155875/tiktok-ai-generated-search-results-highlights-chatgpt
Meta explores AI-assisted earphones with built-in cameras
Meta is currently exploring AI-powered earphones with built-in cameras. The project is known internally as “Camerabuds;” however, it’s uncertain if the final product will be in-ear earbuds or over-ear headphones. The cameras let the AI take in surrounding information visually, allowing it to translate foreign languages, identify objects, and more.
CEO Mark Zuckerberg has reportedly seen several possible designs but has not been satisfied with them. Outside of design, the major hurdle is fitting a camera and batteries in a tiny device like an earbud.
Why does it matter?
For the AI wearable space, Meta's development hints at a growing interest in AI-infused devices, potentially paving the way for more sophisticated and interactive wearables. Regarding earphones, this development suggests a potential shift towards more intelligent and feature-rich earphone designs, offering users enhanced functionalities like real-time translation and object identification.
Source: https://www.theinformation.com/articles/meta-explores-ai-assisted-earphones-with-cameras
🎧 Meta developing AI-powered ‘Camerabuds’
Meta is reportedly in the early stages of developing AI-powered earphones, known internally as "Camerabuds,” — aiming to compete with OpenAI and Apple as tech giants rush to infuse AI into wearable devices.
‘Camerabuds’ would map user surroundings, capable of identifying objects and translating foreign languages using built-in cameras.
Meta already has its AI-powered Ray Ban smart glasses, while OpenAI and Apple are also exploring similar AI wearable earbud tech.
Potential challenges include bulkiness, heat generation, and privacy concerns, especially for users with long hair that might obstruct the cameras.
Despite Meta’s shaky track record with hardware ventures, Mark Zuckerberg is investing heavily in a future that he believes includes AI embedded into every device. But will standalone devices like this be able to win over users if and when a fully AI-integrated phone hits the market?
Source: https://www.theinformation.com/articles/meta-explores-ai-assisted-earphones-with-cameras
New AI Job Opportunities on May 14th, 2024
🔍 Perplexity AI - Search Engineer: https://jobs.therundown.ai/jobs/59717759-search-engineer
📋 Shield AI - Project Manager: https://jobs.therundown.ai/jobs/59662354-project-manager-r2638
🌍 C3 AI - General Manager, ESG: https://jobs.therundown.ai/jobs/59647575-general-manager-esg
☁️ Scale AI - Software Engineer, Cloud Infra: https://jobs.therundown.ai/jobs/59597384-software-engineer-cloud-infra
What Else Is Happening in AI on May 14th, 2024❗
💰 Anthropic launches Claude in Europe in the hope of raising more money
Anthropic launches Claude in Europe with support for “multiple languages,” including French, German, Italian, and Spanish across Claude.ai, its iOS app, and its business plan for teams. The launch comes after Anthropic extended its API to Europe for developers. Both moves are part of its bigger push to raise more money for rapid growth. (Link: https://techcrunch.com/2024/05/13/anthropic-is-expanding-to-europe-and-raising-more-money)
🤖 UAE launches a new AI model to compete with big tech
Abu Dhabi's Technology Innovation Institute (TII) released Falcon 2 series: Falcon 2 11B, a text-based model, and Falcon 2 11B VLM, a vision-to-language model that can generate a text description of an uploaded image. This Gen AI model could compete with some of the biggest technology companies and make UAE a strong candidate in the Gen AI space. (Link: https://www.reuters.com/technology/uae-releases-new-ai-model-compete-with-big-tech-2024-05-13)
🖥️ Japan team builds Gen AI foundation model using supercomputer Fukagu
Tokyo Institute of Technology researchers and others have announced the development of an LLM that can serve as a foundation for Gen AI using the Japanese supercomputer Fugaku. Trained extensively on Japanese data, which accounts for 60% of the total training data, the Fugaku-LLM model is expected to lead research on Gen AI tailored to domestic needs. (Link: https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2024/05/11/japan/ai-fugaku-language-model-japanese)
⏰ Microsoft Places finds the best time for your next office day
Microsoft has launched a new app called Microsoft Places that uses AI to help employees and managers coordinate their in-office days and book meeting rooms. The application integrates with Outlook and Microsoft Teams, allowing employees to view and share their office plans and get AI-powered suggestions on which days they should come in. (Link: https://www.theverge.com/2024/5/13/24155204/microsoft-places-ai-hybrid-office-feature)
🤝 U.S. and China to meet in Geneva to discuss AI risks
The U.S. and China will hold their first formal government-to-government discussion on the risks of artificial intelligence in Geneva. The U.S. side will be led by officials from the National Security Council and State Department, while the Chinese side will be led by officials from the Foreign Ministry and the National Development and Reform Commission. (Link: https://asia.nikkei.com/Business/Technology/U.S.-and-China-to-hold-first-talks-on-AI-risks-in-Geneva)
Enjoying these daily updates, subscribe below for more: Read Aloud For Me - Recommend AI Tools For Me
2024.05.15 01:23 Mountain-Ad-2423 Morning Call video pop-up ads
I signed up for a digital subscription of The Morning Call back in December and I really enjoyed it for the first couple of months. They have a good mixture of local news and local features that keep me in the loop with what’s going on in the area.
But at some point in the past couple months something changed and the pop-up video ads on almost all articles have made this almost impossible to enjoy or read an entire article for that matter. The cost is negligible but I can’t see continuing to pay for something that has become borderline unusable.
Has anyone else seen this change with The Morning Call and/or is there anything that can be done to stop these pop-up videos from taking over my screen? Even when I move the ads off the screen, it’s just temporary because as soon as I scroll down the article again, the ads pop-up yet again. Serenity now! 😂
For reference, I use my iPhone to access the digital subscription.
submitted by Mountain-Ad-2423 to lehighvalley [link] [comments]
But at some point in the past couple months something changed and the pop-up video ads on almost all articles have made this almost impossible to enjoy or read an entire article for that matter. The cost is negligible but I can’t see continuing to pay for something that has become borderline unusable.
Has anyone else seen this change with The Morning Call and/or is there anything that can be done to stop these pop-up videos from taking over my screen? Even when I move the ads off the screen, it’s just temporary because as soon as I scroll down the article again, the ads pop-up yet again. Serenity now! 😂
For reference, I use my iPhone to access the digital subscription.
2024.05.15 01:21 SerenityEnforcer How are upgrades to new releases of Workstation Pro going to work for home users?
The news that VMware Workstation Pro is now free for personal use hit everyone as a big surprise (a good one).
How are upgrades to new releases going to work in these cases? (Say, Workstation Pro 18 is released… how can I upgrade to it with the free personal license)?
submitted by SerenityEnforcer to vmware [link] [comments]
How are upgrades to new releases going to work in these cases? (Say, Workstation Pro 18 is released… how can I upgrade to it with the free personal license)?
2024.05.15 01:20 The_Dangal The Rule of Three
Air, shelter, water, and food, all essentials of life we take for granted. The gratitude of being alive,
smothered by emotional baggage. Just a bunch of pill induced zombies, riddled by life’s perplexities. Not
me, not any more at least. No, now I wake up every day reborn with a newly discovered purpose in life,
thanks to, him.
Most would be emotionally devastated and seek long term therapy, after what I had endured.
Most would need to be heavily medicated, to calm their anxiety of the fear he would return. No, not me,
the person I once was, is now dead. Suffocated, frozen, dehydrated, and starved out of me. Who I was
perished, and I am grateful. I am offering you the same, but before we get started, let me explain how I
arrived at this place of serenity.
The night was the same as always. I had just finished gorging myself on junk food while binge
watching a reality show. Empty bottles of soda surrounded me as I surfed the streaming networks.
Knowing my weight was getting out of control, I still managed to finish off the bag of greasy potato
chips. My bottles of meds sat on the end table waiting for me. Depression, anxiety, stomach, and heart
pills all courtesy of the negligence of my life choices. One by one I swallowed the antidotes of a better
me. Yet, there never seemed to be a stronger version of myself, no matter how many pills I ingested.
Falling asleep, I told myself tomorrow would be different. Tomorrow I will try harder. As I drifted
off to sleep, I felt a sting in my neck, only waking up for a few seconds. My eyes opened just enough to
see him standing over me. Fighting to stay awake, my eyes latched closed, and I fell into the darkness.
Upon awaking, I could hear sounds of mumbles surrounding me. Feeling heavy and disoriented, I
managed to flicker my eyelids. As the minutes passed, my surroundings became more lucid. The foul
stench of pig shit singed my nose hairs. Dust from old haybales stimulated my sense of smell, inducing a
sneeze. An unimaginable pain coursed through my mouth. Still dazed and confused, I heard a voice say,
"we can't have that, now, can we?". Once again, I felt a sting in my neck, causing me to drift out of
reality.
"Wake up", I heard as I came to, "we need to get started". Started with what, I tried to ask. Yet,
my mouth wouldn't open. Tranquilized still, I thought maybe my brain just wasn't cooperating with my
body. Flexing my jaw, I tried again to speak, it was useless. All I could do was mumble. My words were
nothing more than muffled grunts behind a padded wall.
Looking around, I could see I was not alone. Vision blurry, I still managed to make out a large
silhouette of a man sitting in front of me holding a cutting needle and thread. He then placed the needle
on a barrel and stood up. Whistling, "The Sun will come out tomorrow", I began to look around. There were other people with us. Including myself, all tied to chairs and mouths sewn shut. Three of us were men. The fourth was a woman in her
mid-forties. She was crying and moaning uncontrollably. Mucus ran down her face dripping from her
chin. Trying to console her, I batted my eyes. It was all I could do without having the use of my mouth
and arms.
The injection he had no doughtily given me, had worn off. Like the woman, I found myself in panic
mode. My heart raced fast. I thought I would have a heart attack. Wanting to scream, I
couldn't. Wanting to run but I was incapacitated. Fighting my way out, entered my mind, but how? How,
with my hands bound behind my back. Besides, I wasn't a fighter, and the man was massive. He would
be very intimidating under any circumstance. His raggedy hair was sandy blonde with a mixture of gray.
Deep wrinkles hid behind a handlebar mustache, which stretched across his face. Thick eyebrows sat
untamed above his devilish eyes. Watching him, I tried not to make eye contact. I looked everywhere,
other than at him. The other two men looked as frightened as me. One man, the bigger one, had tears
but made no sounds. The other man was a very frail older man. He shifted side to side as he tried yelling
from behind his fastened lips. His arms bared scars of that of a junkie. His body, covered in scabs.
Cautiously, I looked around. A rusty old plow sat in the corner next to some feed sacks. A saddle
lay across an old broken table. Two horses stood quietly behind their stall door. I could see rays of light
shine through the cracks between the boards. It was daylight, knowing that gave me comfort somehow.
The barn was dusty, and as painful as it would be, I hoped I would sneeze again. At least then I could
scream. Abruptly the man stopped whistling and spoke.
Your mouths are bound together so that I cannot hear you. People talk too much, making the
world noisy. All loud with pathetic excuses of their weaknesses. I am not going to kill you. Your life is in
your own hands. Up to this point, you have wasted your life hiding behind your addictions. Cowering
and leaning on crutches of life’s temptations. I am here to save you from yourselves.
The rule of three is simple. You can survive three minutes without air, three hours without
shelter, three days without water, and three weeks without food. If you truly desire to live, then you will
triumph. If not, you will perish. I am here to help you unpack your emotional baggage. Air, the very
breath you breathe, you have taken for granted. So, please slow your breathing and relax. We are about
to begin.
While you were sleeping, I provided you with adequate fluids and nutrition. I cannot have you
starting off, on an empty tank. I want to be as fair as possible and make this a pleasant experience.
Though, I warn you it will not be easy, and you will have to dig deep within yourselves.
The burly man began whistling once again. He placed an egg timer on a barrel, grabbed a plastic
bag and spoke. You can survive three minutes with no air. Do you have the desire and strength to want
to live? For you, I truly hope so.
Standing behind the heavier man he turned the timer and then placed the plastic bag over his
head. The man jerked in his chair, thrashing about. One minute, he said. The man still moving wildly.
Two minutes, almost there just hold on. Three minutes he announced, ripping the bag from the head of
the now motionless man. “Oh dear, I guess he did not have what it takes, next”. My heart raced even
faster as he stood next to the now inconsolable woman. I would be after her. I had to slow my breathing
if I were to live. Picking up another bag, he stood behind her.
The air went in and out her nose as she hyperventilated. “There, there, I’m not going to hurt you”,
he said, as he patted her on the shoulders. “Three minutes is a miniature amount of time. I wish you the
very best.” Her legs kicked out lunging back and forth. Her muffled shrieks filled the barn. “Are you
ready?” He then reset the timer. Fearing for my own life, I turned my head and concentrated on my
breathing. Trying hard to block her out, I went to another place in my head. As hard as it was, I imagined
I was calm and at peace lying on a sandy shore. Desperately, I wanted to cover my ears. Her loud cries
soon became small whimpers. Then to gurgles as she choked on her own vomit. Turning my head back
towards her, I could see her convulsing as life left her body. “Not quite a minute, what a shame”, he
said.
Thinking back to when I was a child, and held my breath under water, outlasting my brother.
Back then, holding my breath was easy for me and I always won. Being in my mid-thirties, I wasn’t a
child any longer. Could I beat this, I questioned. Unlike the woman next to me, who reeked of tobacco, I
didn’t smoke. My chances were greater than those who came before me.
Excepting the inevitable, I practiced my anxiety exercises my therapist had taught me. Four, four,
four, inhale hold, exhale hold. If I panic, I will surely suffocate, I told myself. The other man was calmer
now and followed my lead. Our eyes locked on to one another as we breathed. “Very good, that is what
I want to see, a thirst for life, the will to live.”
Picking up a bag, he then stood behind me. I took a deep breath as he turned the timer. I felt the
panic trying to set in, but I pushed it deep down. Oddly enough, the tune he’d been whistling popped
into my head. “The sun will come out tomorrow”, played as the bag was put over my head. “So, you got
to hang on ‘til tomorrow.” Not wanting to see the blurred images through the bag, I closed my eyes. I
just kept humming the tune in my head. “One minute”, he said. Getting more difficult to hold my breath,
I could feel my heart beating faster and my blood pressure rising. The tune still reeling in my head,
“tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow”. “Two minutes”. I can do this, I’m almost there, but my
mind was getting foggy, and my chest tightened. My muscles tensed up as I felt my existence dwindle
away. The tune that kept me going had faded away somewhere deep into my brain. Hungry for air, I
started scratching my hands behind my back. I was going to die. Tomorrow, tomorrow, I managed to
think one last time. “Three Minutes”!
Air rushed through my nose, as I clung to the remaining life I had. It was the greatest feeling just
being able to breathe. I’d made it, I had beat him, I was alive. “Congratulations, you did well”. “Breath
and continue to appreciate the gift, I have given you”.
Tears rushed down my cheeks, as I sat watching the man set the stage for the last occupant. As
sympathetic as I was, I was overwhelmed too just be alive. Still fighting my anxiety, I closed my eyes,
four, four, four. Sounds of distress and faint scuffling could be heard, yet I refused to open my eyes.
Three minutes passed quickly. “We have another fighter, outstanding.” Opening my eyes, I seen that the
other man had also survived. “Two out of three, I wished it faired better.” “It is a pity they perished, yet
the pigs will eat well.” “Nothing should ever go to waste”. “Their carcasses are a valuable resource.” I
am thankful for their contribution.”
“I will let you rest up.” The next gift, is that of shelter.” “People of the world scratch and claw to
have bigger dwellings of that of their neighbor.” Never being thankful of the shelters warmth when it is
cold.” “Not a second thought about the materials taken from the earth to provide that comfort.” “I will
teach you to not care about the size or the looks. You won’t care if it’s a barn or a house made of sticks.
You’ll learn to be content as it shelters you from the storm.
Not understanding what was coming next, I tried thinking of ways to escape. Wringing my hands
together, I tried loosening the rope. He had his back turned removing the bodies from the chairs. Yet
somehow he still managed to catch on to what I was doing. “That’s a double sheet bend knot.” Try as
you might, you will not loosen or untie it.” “Yet I commend you on your perseverance.” “If you escape,
you will not learn the valuable lesson I am trying to teach you.” “Sit and be patient, like I told you
before, I’m not going to kill you.”
He was right. The more I tried twisting my wrists, the tighter the rope became making them bleed
and burn. “Why was he doing this and why me”, I wanted to ask. The inside of my mouth was so dry,
and I was thirsty. All I could think about was water to wash out the metallic taste left from the wounds
of my lips. Making eye contact with the other man, I wondered if he was as thirsty as I. “The storm will
be here soon, and we can continue.”, he said as he removed a hacksaw hanging from the barn wall.
We watched as the man carried on as if he’d done this before. He laid the saw across a table.
Sweat dripped from my head as I panicked. What was he going to do to us? I thought. Do not worry, this
saw is not for you, he said as he placed the woman’s body on the table. He then began to dismember
her legs. He continued to hack through the bodies throughout the day. He would casually take breaks
between the removal of the body parts. After he was done, he used a rusty old wheel barrel to take the
parts out of the barn. He kept his word. I could hear the pigs happily squealing as he fed them.
The light that had previously comforted me dwindled away as darkness approached. As frightened
as I felt, all I could think about was water. “It is time”, he said as he wiped sweat from his brow. “I will
untie your arms so you can move freely. I encourage you to move as much as possible to keep the blood
circulating. Frostbite and hypothermia are inevitable if you let yourself settle. You can wear the clothes
you have on, but nothing more.
The barn was heated with an old wood stove. Our captor had fed it wood throughout the day. Yet
the wind from the storm outside seeped through the cracks. A chill came over me, fearing what was
next. The four technique no longer working. He then placed a makeshift collar around our necks.
Connected to the collar was a chain. After untying the ropes from behind our backs he told us to stand.
Fearing what he would do, I did what he told me.
He then unlatched the wooden brace holding the barn doors shut, unveiling winter’s wrath.
Weather in Michigan was unpredictable and harsh at times. That night was no different. The wind
bustled through the doors as we all stood staring into the night. Snow was falling rapidly and had quickly
begun accumulating. “Tonight’s storm is only a mild one but will last a few hours.” “Having your mouths
bound is a positive.” “It will protect your lungs.” Your heart rate will lower the less you move so keep
moving to boost your circulation.” “You will have to endure three hours in the weather.” “This trial is
brutal, I know but if your life is precious then you will improvise, adapt, and overcome.
He then led us by the chains out of the barn and into a wooden pen. It didn’t have a roof but was
too tall to climb over. “I know you must be thirsty, but if you try and eat the snow you will only amplify
dehydration and hypothermia.” He then removed the collars and locked the door. As he walked away in
his rabbit fur coat, he turned and once again said, “Do you have the desire to live, for you I truly hope
so.”
Frantically I surveyed the pen looking for a way out. The enclosure was made of old pallets, thin
boards, and cattle fence. It was sturdy enough to keep us in but not the wind out. It must have been
about twelve feet wide by twenty-four feet long. Rubbing my hands along the gaps, I felt something
warm run down my fingers. I had sliced my hand along the inside of one of the pallets. He had secured
razor blades and sharp nails from the inside to keep us from climbing out. Even if we were able to make
it to the top, we wouldn’t be able to climb over the razor wire that spiraled along the perimeter.
More frantic than I, the other man ran back and forth. He was shaking and sweating profusely. How
could he be sweating in this weather, I thought. On the other hand, I had begun to shiver. My feet had
already begun to tingle. Wearing only gym shorts, socks, and a t-shirt, I knew I must keep moving. The
other man was more fortunate than I. He was wearing pajama bottoms, socks and a hoodie. At least he
had a layer to break the wind.
The snow was dry and easy to move. Thinking maybe we could get out from the bottom. I began
moving the snow with my hands. As I moved it, I motioned for the other man to help. My attempts to
get his attention went unnoticed. He had found a nail long enough to cut through the stiches in his
mouth. Watching him, I debated on doing it myself. Though I thought of the burly man and his hacksaw.
Deciding it was best to keep my lips bound, I watched him saw through his. He yelled in agony as blood
dripped from his lips. Be quiet, I wanted to tell him, he’ll hear you.
When the last stitch broke the man dropped to his knees gasping and crying. He then stood up,
removed himself from his pants, and began urinating in the snow. “I’m Evan”, he said shivering and still
covering the white snow yellow. His urine smelled foul as the wind carried the smell. Not being able to
talk, I used a stick to spell out my name. Letter by letter, I spelled it out, Liam. He didn’t acknowledge
what I had written. He didn’t seem to care about what my name was.
Bending over he began to eat the yellow snow. Then pulling up his sleeves, he did something that
made my stomach churn. He picked off the scabs from his arms and started sucking on them. I now
understood he was detoxing and was trying to get a fix from the meth that had exited his body. I had a
cousin in jail once, who had described this same behavior from the inside. After doing this for a few
minutes he then spoke. Stuttering out his words, “I know it’s disgusting, but it is what it is.” “Now how
we gonna get out of this here, Liam. No matter what he was or what he spoke, it was comforting to hear
him speak to me.
Not knowing how to get out I just started moving. Shaking my head and still shivering, I began to
do jumping jacks. There wasn’t a way out and I was so cold. Knowing that I had to keep moving I
continued. I knew that if I didn’t move, my heart would slow and eventually stop. “You gonna listen to
that Behemoth or ya gonna try and help me find a way out?” Stopping, I once again tried looking from
the bottom. He looked for a way to climb over. Neither of us found a way to escape. Both of us,
shivering we stopped looking.
As we huddled together in the corner, a voice came from a speaker. “One hour has passed, two
hours remain.” Your lust for drugs trumps your lust to live.” “It will be your demise.” He’d seen, he’s
watching us, I thought. Not wanting to die, I began running in circles. The pain was excruciating. Every
step I took was like stepping on needles. My nose felt like it would break off.
“It’s no use, we’re gonna die, Evan said as he plopped on the ground. Using my arms, I motioned
for him to get up, but he refused. He sat in the corner with his teeth chattering and shoulders shaking.
While Evan sat, I continued. Running from one end to the other, tears freezing as they plummeted from
my eyes. As I ran, I tripped over something that caught my attention. It was a stack of a few boards
hidden under the snow. Uncovering them I counted them out in my head. There were several I dug out. I
crafted a fort in my head. We could use the wood for a shelter. Once again, I motioned for Evan to help.
Evan didn’t speak or move. “Two hours”, I heard as a voice projected from a hidden box.
Quickly I stumbled to Evan, shaking him. Tears ran down my cheeks as I faced the truth. I was
alone. Evan’s inability to try had snuffed out his life. He was dead. Time seemed to stand still in that
moment. Looking at his lifeless body, I realized he wasn’t a frail old man. He in fact was my age. The
drugs just made him look old. My sadness for him abandoned me to be replaced with anger. He should
have tried harder. I was now alone. He had left me alone.
Feeling numb and secluded, I wanted to give up. There wasn’t much fight left in me, yet
something in me snapped. I didn’t want to die. Ripping my wet clothes off, I threw them to the ground.
Trying to keep my temperature above freezing, I jumped and staggered in the snow. Laying Evan’s body
flat on the ground, I thought I would use it as a warm layer between me and the ground. One board at a
time, leaned them over Evan’s body and up against the pen, making an ominous clubhouse. Shivering
and naked, I crawled inside and laid on Evan’s lifeless body.
No longer having the strength to move, I lay crying. In the last hour I replayed my life. If only I had
another chance to do it all over again. If only I thought as my eyes closed. The door then opened, “Three
hours”. “Stand up.”, he said as he wrapped a fur coat around my frigid body. ”Come on, you have passed
but you are not out of the woods yet.” Replacing the collar around my neck he then led me back into the
barn.
“I have prepared a warm bath for you.” He then helped me lift my legs over a galvanized water
trough. “There, there”, he said, “Just sit and let the bath warm your blood. The pain of prickly needles
washed over my body as the numbness dwindled. Fading in and out, I watched him carefully remove a
stockpot from the stove. He poured the water from the pot over my head. “Just relax, you should be
proud of yourself.” “You have outlasted all who came before you.” “You’re a fighter and you value your
life. I watched as he warmed pot after pot, continuously pouring them over me.
“I will have to give you warm fluids intravenously.” “Try to stand”, he said as he lifted me up and
out of the trough. He then dried my body with a towel. After he dressed me in dry clothing, he led me to
a makeshift bedroom converted from a stall.
As he assisted me into the bed, I noticed a tray with medical instruments on it. What were they
for I wondered, but to tired to care anymore. He then placed the I.V. needle in my arm and covered me
up. “Rest up and sleep while I deal with the frostbite.” Before I was able to think about what he had just
said, I went out.
Waking up, I was no longer cold. The shivering and pain from the night before gone yet replaced
with new discomfort. My hands, feet, face, and head all pulsing. Slowly, I removed the blanket with my
bandaged hands to see my feet. Both were wrapped in bandages. Looking over my entire body, I
reached for my face. It was also bandaged. I could feel that my ears and nose were missing. “I know this
must be shocking to you, but it had to be.” “You had deep frostbite in your fingers, toes, ears and nose.
They had to be amputated. “I have sealed off the wounds and have given you antibiotics to fight off
infection.” “Be grateful your alive.”
“You are very ambitious, and I want to reward you for your success. “If you can continue to
cooperate, I will remove the stitches from your lips. “Don’t speak unless I ask you to.” “Can you give me
word that you can stay quiet?” I nodded in agreement.
As promised, he removed the sutures from my lips. Handing me a tin cup of water, he told me to
drink. Words can’t express how refreshing the first sip was. Not being able to control myself, I gulped
down the entire cup. Handing the cup back to him I managed to mumble, “more?” Violently, he struck
me in the face and stood up. “More, more more”, he yelled as he paced the floor. “Always wanting
more!” “You should have savored every last drop rather than gulping it down like a pig at a trough.”
“You have reached your third trial.” “Water is the source of all life and you will learn to appreciate it. Do
you have the desire to live?” “For you, I truly hope so.”
Locking the door behind him, he left the room. Feeling relief from his absence, I took a deep
breath. Concentrating on the air that went in and out my lungs, I was thankful to be alive. It had been a
couple of days since I was able to breathe through my mouth. I felt happiness and gratitude to just be
able to breathe. The blanket and bed kept me warm from the cold that seeped through the barn walls.
Feling relieved, I felt safe for that minute. I pulled the blanket up under my chin and just lived in the
moment. Looking for ways to escape no longer crossed my mind. Still fearful of the man, yet I felt a
strange feeling of gratitude toward him.
Mixed emotions danced around inside of me as I lay. Thinking of the others that were with me, I
pitied them. Had they truly wanted to survive, they would be alive. Had they fought harder, they would
have won against his trials. My sympathy for them abandoned my thoughts, replaced with
disappointment. Questioning my mental state, I laid wondering if I’d gone mad. How could I sympathize
with a man who had essentially tortured me. How could I be thankful to a killer, I wondered. As
comfortable as I was, I was thirsty. Three days was a long time to go without water. Knowing this, I
closed my eyes to try to sleep through it.
A familiar tune whistled through the cracks of the wall. My eyes blurry from crust, I wiped it away
with my bandaged hand. Curious, I tried peeking through a hole in a board. Seeing the two horses in the
next stall brought back anxiety from the first trial. Sounds of mumbling could be heard. Listening
intensely, I realized he had more victims. Wanting to scream out to them to calm their breathing, I said
nothing. Fearful he would kill me if I spoke. Though I didn’t have to. He was telling them to be calm and
they would live. If only they would listen, they could live. One after another perished throughout the
ordeal. Once again mixed emotions of sympathy and anger fought within me. I slammed my hand
against the stall boards. Why am I angry at them, I questioned myself. Hearing the distinct sound of the
hacksaw cutting through the bodies, I became sick. I crawled back in the bed and covered my head.
“Wake up, you have rested enough.” Leading me into the room where the bodies were, he
motioned for me to pick the parts up. “I will cut the meat and you will load it up.” “Do you
understand?”, he asked. I nodded yes and began putting the severed limbs in the wheelbarrow.
“Take it out back to the pigs.” “I trust you won’t try to run.” You will not get very far in your
condition and the weather” He was right, still bandaged and weak I knew I would freeze. Reluctantly I
put a arm, leg, and head in the wheelbarrow.
Once again, the cold made me shiver as I treaded through the snow. The night was calm. The
moon shined down on the solar panels that lined the buildings. I was on some sort of homestead.
Nearing the structure that housed the pigs, I cringed at the thought of feeding them. The squealing led
me to the hog house. Opening the door and entering, I gasped in horror. Piles of bones lay everywhere
within the house. The pigs squealed in delight as I tossed the body parts to them. The smell was pungent
and took my breath away. Not being able to hold back, I vomited the only liquids I had in me. After
unloading my delivery, I left to retrieve another load. Feet still bandaged, and I was cold, the thought of
running left my mind. Yearning for the warm bed, I trudged my way back to the barn. This went on
throughout the night.
“Almost done, this is the last of it.”, he said as he cut through a torso of a woman. “You have done
well, and I am proud of you.” “I know your cold and must be thirsty.” Yet, you still have forty-eight hours
left until you can replenish your thirst. “Keep motivated and you will triumph over your it” After the last
load was completed, he led me to the bed and rebandaged my wounds. Curiously looking down at my
severed toes, I seen I was missing five of them. The same as he bandaged my hands. I was four less
fingers. Two were gone from each hand.
My stomach grumbled as I tossed and turned. All I could think about was water and food. I
eventually passed out from the nights work. Waking up, I felt disoriented and weak. The hunger for food
and water still consuming my thoughts. “Twenty-Four hours left”, his voice said from outside the stall.
“Get up, I have more work for you.” “You have to earn your keep.”
The man then entered the room and placed the collar around my neck. “Here is a coat to keep
you warm, he said as he placed it on my back. Then he handed me some rubber boots. “These should
help keep your feet dry while you dig.” Wanting to ask, dig what, I didn’t dare from the fear of being
struck again. The task will be difficult but not impossible. Handing me a shovel, he led me to the spot he
wanted dug.
“The weather has let up and the temperature has risen. I can not trust that you might try to run.
He then locked the chain to a stake in the ground. “The hog house needs cleaned of the bones.” “Dig me
a hole big enough to bury the remains of the less fortunate.” “I will return in twenty-four hours.” You
have fared well so far, keep up the good work and you will be rewarded.” He then turned and walked
away.
The sun was just beginning to rise, and it felt warn against me face. The black sky turned to a
canvas of pastels. The view was stunning under any condition. After admiring the horizon, I started my
grueling work. Trying to dig with missing toes was difficult and excruciating. Placing the shovel into the
frozen ground, I bared down with all my weight. Breaking the ground seemed unfeasible, but I managed.
Letting out agonizing cries, I repeated the movements until I finally moved dirt.
Scanning around, my head was on a swivel looking for cameras. The thought of trying to escape
weighing heavily. Using my bandaged hands, I felt for any gaps in my collar. It was tight around my neck.
I Then looked for any weak links in the chain but found none. The steak the chain was hooked to must
have been buried ten feet, I thought as I gave it a tug. Giving up on any escape attempts, I continued to
dig.
The hunger and dehydration had started to take effect. My head pounded like a hammer on a
nail. I became nauseous. Fearing I might throw up, I sit and rested on the ground. Looking down at the
homestead, I wondered who the man was. Nearly falling asleep, I pushed myself up off the ground.
Visions of water surrounding me engulfed my every thought. God, I was thirsty.
After I finished digging the hole I fell to my knees in exhaustion. Worrying that if I fell asleep, I
would die of dehydration. Standing up, I desperately tried staying awake. The chain weighed down my
neck making it hard to stand. Using the shovel as a brace, I wedged it into the ground and balanced the
chain over top of the shovel. It lifted the weight off me, allowing me to stand easier. Standing and
swaying, I watched as day turned to night and night back to day. “Congratulations”, the man said as he
walked up the hill toward me.
“II knew you would conquer the test.” “You will soon be rewarded for your victory.” Leading me
back to the barn, I stumbled and fell. The man picked me up and helped me to my feet. As He laid me in
the bed, oddly enough I wanted to thank him. “Before I tend to your bandages, I am going to start an I.V.
to restore your electrolytes. He then handed me a cup of water. “Drink”, he said. Wanting badly to gulp
it down, I refrained and sipped slowly. The water was refreshing as it moistened my mouth. Water
wasn’t something I normally craved but, in that moment, it was all a I wanted. Living mostly on energy
drinks and sodas, I rarely drank it.
As I sipped, I thought about my body and how I had neglected it. Peculiar enough, the man was
giving me all I ever needed. He had somehow managed to push my stronger version to the surface.
“Good news”, he said as he wrapped the final bandage around my foot. “You have made it to the last
trial.” “But before we discuss that, I want to reward you on your accomplishments.” “I’m sure you have
questions, and I will allow you to ask them.” A little conversation will do us both some good.” I must say
I am as curious about you as you are of me.” He said as he poured me another cup of water. “But not
until you have rested.” “I look forward to it, I will see you this afternoon.” Locking the door behind him,
exhausted, I fell asleep.
Hunger pains interrupted my slumber. Turning about in the bed, images of food ravaged my
thoughts. Trying hard, I managed to push the vivid images of cheeseburgers out of my mind. Replacing
them with the image of the man conversing with me. What would I ask him, I pondered. Would I set him
off again and be fed to the pigs. One would think that I wouldn’t want to talk to him after he had cut off
my nose, yet strangely enough I did. I was curious about him.
My tossing about abruptly interrupted as I heard the man enter the room. “Well now, how do you
feel this afternoon?” He asked, as he pulled a old wooden chair next the bed and sat down. To scared to
speak I laid quietly. “It Is o.k., he said cheerfully as he patted my leg. “You may speak”. “Better but
hungry”, I managed to mumble. “Yes, I know you are hungry, but you have entered your final trial.” You
must endure three weeks with no food.” You have been here a week.” “Two weeks remain.”
“People of the world are gluttons. Indulging in prepackaged garbage to feed the body. Never
having to hunt or forge for it. If you make it the three weeks, you will have learned to appreciate what
you put in your mouth. You will think about what it is for, rather than just stuffing your face. Do you still
have the desire to live, for you I truly hope so.
“What is your name?”
“Liam, my names, Liam”
“Well, Liam, my names Doc” “It is finally nice to meet your true self.” I’ve been waiting along time for
this.” “You are now worthy to speak to.” “You have shed your old, infected skin and are growing new
skin.” “I have helped you thus far to create a better, you.” “You may speak freely”.
“Why are you doing this”?
“To save you.” “To rid you of the worlds temptations” “I am extracting all you have digested and
replacing it with the will to survive.”
“Who are you”, I fearfully asked.
“I am a doctor who the world cast out due to what they call negligence.” “I only pushed my patients to
better themselves and refused to subscribe fake antidotes”. “I didn’t hand them a crutch when they
could walk on their own.”” I left the city and moved off grid”. “Here I am free to practice as I see fit”.
“My patients now, are those that want to better themselves but just need a little push.” “Yet, none have
come as far as you, Liam.” “What is it, you desire, Liam?”
“A life of fulfillment”, I said.
“Are you not now, achieving that goal, Liam?”
Before I could answer, he told me, “Enough talk for the day”, we have work to do. “Don’t speak
unless I ask you to”. Unhooking my I.V., he then furnished me with warm clothes and boots again. “Grab
the wheelbarrow”, he said as we excited the barn. He then led me to the hog house. “I want you to pick
up the bones and put them in the hole you dug. Feeling weak, I pushed through the chore. The sight of
the mutilated parts wasn’t as repulsive to me as before. Yet, I did wonder who they were and where
they had come from. The day sped by quickly.
That night, I laid in the bed thinking of the man. Could he be right with what he was doing. I did
feel a new feeling of accomplishment. Had I truly shed my old self. Had he had given me what every
doctor before him had failed at. Questioning my own thoughts, I drifted off to sleep.
As the days went by, I would often help him rid the world of the weak. Every few days he would
bring in new patients. One after one they failed his trials. Some made it past the first, only to die in the
pen or the cooler, depending on the weather. We had many evening conversations where I learned
more about Doc, as he did me. Some nights I would listen to him mourn their deaths. He would often sit
by the stove talking to himself and crying. He would question their inability to understand what he was
doing. Finding myself somewhat sympathetic to him, I spoke out. “It’ll be o.k. you’re a good doctor, they
just don’t have a desire to live. “Thank you”, he said, “but do not speak unless I tell you”. With that I
climbed into bed and covered my head.
Ribs now visible, I was nearing death. No longer having the energy to help him any longer, I spent
the remaining few days in bed. As the final day approached, he came to me and said, If you don’t die
through the night, I will intravenously feed you the nutrients your body requires. Then you can truly live
your life. Tears filled his eyes as he pulled the blanket over me. You have been an outstanding and
cooperative patient and I thank you. Share to the world the gift I have given you.
Waking up, I was confused and again fighting off a sedated state. Rubbing my eyes in dismay, I
stumbled out of bed and tripped over my tennis shoes. Looking down at my disfigured feet, I was
perplexed at the sight of the floor. Continuously wiping at my vision, I scanned the room. Soda bottles
littered the nightstand. An empty potato chip bag lay empty on the bed.
Falling onto the floor, I curled up into a fetal position and cried. Visions of the dead filled my
thoughts. My mind was baffled with an emotional and ethical struggle. Four, four, four, I tried to
manage as anxiety reared its ugly head. “No!”, I yelled. I was alive and I was thriving. Quickly jumping to
my feet, I ran to my dresser mirror. It would be the first time, seeing the new me since my amputations.
Raising my head slowly my eyes met a man I had never seen before. A mangled mess stared back at me.
Yet, I didn’t see the ugly. I seen a victor. A man who fought for his life. I seen a man with the desire to
live. Admiring my new self, I calming starting whistling that familiar tune. I knew what I had to do.
The next few months, I spent talking to the detectives. Occasionally throwing them a false bone
toward their investigation. Had I not been a missing person, I would have avoided the police all
together.
A year has passed since my abduction. My life has changed for the better. I have faired well. I
often think about Doc and if he is still practicing. I did what he asked. I survive, appreciate, and share my
new gift to the world. I no longer spend my days waiting for life to toss me a crumb of its cookie. There
is value in the very air we breathe, the water we drink, the dwelling that shelters us, and the nutriment
we eat. Yet, it’s been difficult to convince people of this without some persuasion. So, please calm your
breathing. I am not going to kill you. This will only take three minutes. So, relax, do you have the desire
to live?” “For you, I truly hope so.
submitted by The_Dangal to nosleep [link] [comments]
smothered by emotional baggage. Just a bunch of pill induced zombies, riddled by life’s perplexities. Not
me, not any more at least. No, now I wake up every day reborn with a newly discovered purpose in life,
thanks to, him.
Most would be emotionally devastated and seek long term therapy, after what I had endured.
Most would need to be heavily medicated, to calm their anxiety of the fear he would return. No, not me,
the person I once was, is now dead. Suffocated, frozen, dehydrated, and starved out of me. Who I was
perished, and I am grateful. I am offering you the same, but before we get started, let me explain how I
arrived at this place of serenity.
The night was the same as always. I had just finished gorging myself on junk food while binge
watching a reality show. Empty bottles of soda surrounded me as I surfed the streaming networks.
Knowing my weight was getting out of control, I still managed to finish off the bag of greasy potato
chips. My bottles of meds sat on the end table waiting for me. Depression, anxiety, stomach, and heart
pills all courtesy of the negligence of my life choices. One by one I swallowed the antidotes of a better
me. Yet, there never seemed to be a stronger version of myself, no matter how many pills I ingested.
Falling asleep, I told myself tomorrow would be different. Tomorrow I will try harder. As I drifted
off to sleep, I felt a sting in my neck, only waking up for a few seconds. My eyes opened just enough to
see him standing over me. Fighting to stay awake, my eyes latched closed, and I fell into the darkness.
Upon awaking, I could hear sounds of mumbles surrounding me. Feeling heavy and disoriented, I
managed to flicker my eyelids. As the minutes passed, my surroundings became more lucid. The foul
stench of pig shit singed my nose hairs. Dust from old haybales stimulated my sense of smell, inducing a
sneeze. An unimaginable pain coursed through my mouth. Still dazed and confused, I heard a voice say,
"we can't have that, now, can we?". Once again, I felt a sting in my neck, causing me to drift out of
reality.
"Wake up", I heard as I came to, "we need to get started". Started with what, I tried to ask. Yet,
my mouth wouldn't open. Tranquilized still, I thought maybe my brain just wasn't cooperating with my
body. Flexing my jaw, I tried again to speak, it was useless. All I could do was mumble. My words were
nothing more than muffled grunts behind a padded wall.
Looking around, I could see I was not alone. Vision blurry, I still managed to make out a large
silhouette of a man sitting in front of me holding a cutting needle and thread. He then placed the needle
on a barrel and stood up. Whistling, "The Sun will come out tomorrow", I began to look around. There were other people with us. Including myself, all tied to chairs and mouths sewn shut. Three of us were men. The fourth was a woman in her
mid-forties. She was crying and moaning uncontrollably. Mucus ran down her face dripping from her
chin. Trying to console her, I batted my eyes. It was all I could do without having the use of my mouth
and arms.
The injection he had no doughtily given me, had worn off. Like the woman, I found myself in panic
mode. My heart raced fast. I thought I would have a heart attack. Wanting to scream, I
couldn't. Wanting to run but I was incapacitated. Fighting my way out, entered my mind, but how? How,
with my hands bound behind my back. Besides, I wasn't a fighter, and the man was massive. He would
be very intimidating under any circumstance. His raggedy hair was sandy blonde with a mixture of gray.
Deep wrinkles hid behind a handlebar mustache, which stretched across his face. Thick eyebrows sat
untamed above his devilish eyes. Watching him, I tried not to make eye contact. I looked everywhere,
other than at him. The other two men looked as frightened as me. One man, the bigger one, had tears
but made no sounds. The other man was a very frail older man. He shifted side to side as he tried yelling
from behind his fastened lips. His arms bared scars of that of a junkie. His body, covered in scabs.
Cautiously, I looked around. A rusty old plow sat in the corner next to some feed sacks. A saddle
lay across an old broken table. Two horses stood quietly behind their stall door. I could see rays of light
shine through the cracks between the boards. It was daylight, knowing that gave me comfort somehow.
The barn was dusty, and as painful as it would be, I hoped I would sneeze again. At least then I could
scream. Abruptly the man stopped whistling and spoke.
Your mouths are bound together so that I cannot hear you. People talk too much, making the
world noisy. All loud with pathetic excuses of their weaknesses. I am not going to kill you. Your life is in
your own hands. Up to this point, you have wasted your life hiding behind your addictions. Cowering
and leaning on crutches of life’s temptations. I am here to save you from yourselves.
The rule of three is simple. You can survive three minutes without air, three hours without
shelter, three days without water, and three weeks without food. If you truly desire to live, then you will
triumph. If not, you will perish. I am here to help you unpack your emotional baggage. Air, the very
breath you breathe, you have taken for granted. So, please slow your breathing and relax. We are about
to begin.
While you were sleeping, I provided you with adequate fluids and nutrition. I cannot have you
starting off, on an empty tank. I want to be as fair as possible and make this a pleasant experience.
Though, I warn you it will not be easy, and you will have to dig deep within yourselves.
The burly man began whistling once again. He placed an egg timer on a barrel, grabbed a plastic
bag and spoke. You can survive three minutes with no air. Do you have the desire and strength to want
to live? For you, I truly hope so.
Standing behind the heavier man he turned the timer and then placed the plastic bag over his
head. The man jerked in his chair, thrashing about. One minute, he said. The man still moving wildly.
Two minutes, almost there just hold on. Three minutes he announced, ripping the bag from the head of
the now motionless man. “Oh dear, I guess he did not have what it takes, next”. My heart raced even
faster as he stood next to the now inconsolable woman. I would be after her. I had to slow my breathing
if I were to live. Picking up another bag, he stood behind her.
The air went in and out her nose as she hyperventilated. “There, there, I’m not going to hurt you”,
he said, as he patted her on the shoulders. “Three minutes is a miniature amount of time. I wish you the
very best.” Her legs kicked out lunging back and forth. Her muffled shrieks filled the barn. “Are you
ready?” He then reset the timer. Fearing for my own life, I turned my head and concentrated on my
breathing. Trying hard to block her out, I went to another place in my head. As hard as it was, I imagined
I was calm and at peace lying on a sandy shore. Desperately, I wanted to cover my ears. Her loud cries
soon became small whimpers. Then to gurgles as she choked on her own vomit. Turning my head back
towards her, I could see her convulsing as life left her body. “Not quite a minute, what a shame”, he
said.
Thinking back to when I was a child, and held my breath under water, outlasting my brother.
Back then, holding my breath was easy for me and I always won. Being in my mid-thirties, I wasn’t a
child any longer. Could I beat this, I questioned. Unlike the woman next to me, who reeked of tobacco, I
didn’t smoke. My chances were greater than those who came before me.
Excepting the inevitable, I practiced my anxiety exercises my therapist had taught me. Four, four,
four, inhale hold, exhale hold. If I panic, I will surely suffocate, I told myself. The other man was calmer
now and followed my lead. Our eyes locked on to one another as we breathed. “Very good, that is what
I want to see, a thirst for life, the will to live.”
Picking up a bag, he then stood behind me. I took a deep breath as he turned the timer. I felt the
panic trying to set in, but I pushed it deep down. Oddly enough, the tune he’d been whistling popped
into my head. “The sun will come out tomorrow”, played as the bag was put over my head. “So, you got
to hang on ‘til tomorrow.” Not wanting to see the blurred images through the bag, I closed my eyes. I
just kept humming the tune in my head. “One minute”, he said. Getting more difficult to hold my breath,
I could feel my heart beating faster and my blood pressure rising. The tune still reeling in my head,
“tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow”. “Two minutes”. I can do this, I’m almost there, but my
mind was getting foggy, and my chest tightened. My muscles tensed up as I felt my existence dwindle
away. The tune that kept me going had faded away somewhere deep into my brain. Hungry for air, I
started scratching my hands behind my back. I was going to die. Tomorrow, tomorrow, I managed to
think one last time. “Three Minutes”!
Air rushed through my nose, as I clung to the remaining life I had. It was the greatest feeling just
being able to breathe. I’d made it, I had beat him, I was alive. “Congratulations, you did well”. “Breath
and continue to appreciate the gift, I have given you”.
Tears rushed down my cheeks, as I sat watching the man set the stage for the last occupant. As
sympathetic as I was, I was overwhelmed too just be alive. Still fighting my anxiety, I closed my eyes,
four, four, four. Sounds of distress and faint scuffling could be heard, yet I refused to open my eyes.
Three minutes passed quickly. “We have another fighter, outstanding.” Opening my eyes, I seen that the
other man had also survived. “Two out of three, I wished it faired better.” “It is a pity they perished, yet
the pigs will eat well.” “Nothing should ever go to waste”. “Their carcasses are a valuable resource.” I
am thankful for their contribution.”
“I will let you rest up.” The next gift, is that of shelter.” “People of the world scratch and claw to
have bigger dwellings of that of their neighbor.” Never being thankful of the shelters warmth when it is
cold.” “Not a second thought about the materials taken from the earth to provide that comfort.” “I will
teach you to not care about the size or the looks. You won’t care if it’s a barn or a house made of sticks.
You’ll learn to be content as it shelters you from the storm.
Not understanding what was coming next, I tried thinking of ways to escape. Wringing my hands
together, I tried loosening the rope. He had his back turned removing the bodies from the chairs. Yet
somehow he still managed to catch on to what I was doing. “That’s a double sheet bend knot.” Try as
you might, you will not loosen or untie it.” “Yet I commend you on your perseverance.” “If you escape,
you will not learn the valuable lesson I am trying to teach you.” “Sit and be patient, like I told you
before, I’m not going to kill you.”
He was right. The more I tried twisting my wrists, the tighter the rope became making them bleed
and burn. “Why was he doing this and why me”, I wanted to ask. The inside of my mouth was so dry,
and I was thirsty. All I could think about was water to wash out the metallic taste left from the wounds
of my lips. Making eye contact with the other man, I wondered if he was as thirsty as I. “The storm will
be here soon, and we can continue.”, he said as he removed a hacksaw hanging from the barn wall.
We watched as the man carried on as if he’d done this before. He laid the saw across a table.
Sweat dripped from my head as I panicked. What was he going to do to us? I thought. Do not worry, this
saw is not for you, he said as he placed the woman’s body on the table. He then began to dismember
her legs. He continued to hack through the bodies throughout the day. He would casually take breaks
between the removal of the body parts. After he was done, he used a rusty old wheel barrel to take the
parts out of the barn. He kept his word. I could hear the pigs happily squealing as he fed them.
The light that had previously comforted me dwindled away as darkness approached. As frightened
as I felt, all I could think about was water. “It is time”, he said as he wiped sweat from his brow. “I will
untie your arms so you can move freely. I encourage you to move as much as possible to keep the blood
circulating. Frostbite and hypothermia are inevitable if you let yourself settle. You can wear the clothes
you have on, but nothing more.
The barn was heated with an old wood stove. Our captor had fed it wood throughout the day. Yet
the wind from the storm outside seeped through the cracks. A chill came over me, fearing what was
next. The four technique no longer working. He then placed a makeshift collar around our necks.
Connected to the collar was a chain. After untying the ropes from behind our backs he told us to stand.
Fearing what he would do, I did what he told me.
He then unlatched the wooden brace holding the barn doors shut, unveiling winter’s wrath.
Weather in Michigan was unpredictable and harsh at times. That night was no different. The wind
bustled through the doors as we all stood staring into the night. Snow was falling rapidly and had quickly
begun accumulating. “Tonight’s storm is only a mild one but will last a few hours.” “Having your mouths
bound is a positive.” “It will protect your lungs.” Your heart rate will lower the less you move so keep
moving to boost your circulation.” “You will have to endure three hours in the weather.” “This trial is
brutal, I know but if your life is precious then you will improvise, adapt, and overcome.
He then led us by the chains out of the barn and into a wooden pen. It didn’t have a roof but was
too tall to climb over. “I know you must be thirsty, but if you try and eat the snow you will only amplify
dehydration and hypothermia.” He then removed the collars and locked the door. As he walked away in
his rabbit fur coat, he turned and once again said, “Do you have the desire to live, for you I truly hope
so.”
Frantically I surveyed the pen looking for a way out. The enclosure was made of old pallets, thin
boards, and cattle fence. It was sturdy enough to keep us in but not the wind out. It must have been
about twelve feet wide by twenty-four feet long. Rubbing my hands along the gaps, I felt something
warm run down my fingers. I had sliced my hand along the inside of one of the pallets. He had secured
razor blades and sharp nails from the inside to keep us from climbing out. Even if we were able to make
it to the top, we wouldn’t be able to climb over the razor wire that spiraled along the perimeter.
More frantic than I, the other man ran back and forth. He was shaking and sweating profusely. How
could he be sweating in this weather, I thought. On the other hand, I had begun to shiver. My feet had
already begun to tingle. Wearing only gym shorts, socks, and a t-shirt, I knew I must keep moving. The
other man was more fortunate than I. He was wearing pajama bottoms, socks and a hoodie. At least he
had a layer to break the wind.
The snow was dry and easy to move. Thinking maybe we could get out from the bottom. I began
moving the snow with my hands. As I moved it, I motioned for the other man to help. My attempts to
get his attention went unnoticed. He had found a nail long enough to cut through the stiches in his
mouth. Watching him, I debated on doing it myself. Though I thought of the burly man and his hacksaw.
Deciding it was best to keep my lips bound, I watched him saw through his. He yelled in agony as blood
dripped from his lips. Be quiet, I wanted to tell him, he’ll hear you.
When the last stitch broke the man dropped to his knees gasping and crying. He then stood up,
removed himself from his pants, and began urinating in the snow. “I’m Evan”, he said shivering and still
covering the white snow yellow. His urine smelled foul as the wind carried the smell. Not being able to
talk, I used a stick to spell out my name. Letter by letter, I spelled it out, Liam. He didn’t acknowledge
what I had written. He didn’t seem to care about what my name was.
Bending over he began to eat the yellow snow. Then pulling up his sleeves, he did something that
made my stomach churn. He picked off the scabs from his arms and started sucking on them. I now
understood he was detoxing and was trying to get a fix from the meth that had exited his body. I had a
cousin in jail once, who had described this same behavior from the inside. After doing this for a few
minutes he then spoke. Stuttering out his words, “I know it’s disgusting, but it is what it is.” “Now how
we gonna get out of this here, Liam. No matter what he was or what he spoke, it was comforting to hear
him speak to me.
Not knowing how to get out I just started moving. Shaking my head and still shivering, I began to
do jumping jacks. There wasn’t a way out and I was so cold. Knowing that I had to keep moving I
continued. I knew that if I didn’t move, my heart would slow and eventually stop. “You gonna listen to
that Behemoth or ya gonna try and help me find a way out?” Stopping, I once again tried looking from
the bottom. He looked for a way to climb over. Neither of us found a way to escape. Both of us,
shivering we stopped looking.
As we huddled together in the corner, a voice came from a speaker. “One hour has passed, two
hours remain.” Your lust for drugs trumps your lust to live.” “It will be your demise.” He’d seen, he’s
watching us, I thought. Not wanting to die, I began running in circles. The pain was excruciating. Every
step I took was like stepping on needles. My nose felt like it would break off.
“It’s no use, we’re gonna die, Evan said as he plopped on the ground. Using my arms, I motioned
for him to get up, but he refused. He sat in the corner with his teeth chattering and shoulders shaking.
While Evan sat, I continued. Running from one end to the other, tears freezing as they plummeted from
my eyes. As I ran, I tripped over something that caught my attention. It was a stack of a few boards
hidden under the snow. Uncovering them I counted them out in my head. There were several I dug out. I
crafted a fort in my head. We could use the wood for a shelter. Once again, I motioned for Evan to help.
Evan didn’t speak or move. “Two hours”, I heard as a voice projected from a hidden box.
Quickly I stumbled to Evan, shaking him. Tears ran down my cheeks as I faced the truth. I was
alone. Evan’s inability to try had snuffed out his life. He was dead. Time seemed to stand still in that
moment. Looking at his lifeless body, I realized he wasn’t a frail old man. He in fact was my age. The
drugs just made him look old. My sadness for him abandoned me to be replaced with anger. He should
have tried harder. I was now alone. He had left me alone.
Feeling numb and secluded, I wanted to give up. There wasn’t much fight left in me, yet
something in me snapped. I didn’t want to die. Ripping my wet clothes off, I threw them to the ground.
Trying to keep my temperature above freezing, I jumped and staggered in the snow. Laying Evan’s body
flat on the ground, I thought I would use it as a warm layer between me and the ground. One board at a
time, leaned them over Evan’s body and up against the pen, making an ominous clubhouse. Shivering
and naked, I crawled inside and laid on Evan’s lifeless body.
No longer having the strength to move, I lay crying. In the last hour I replayed my life. If only I had
another chance to do it all over again. If only I thought as my eyes closed. The door then opened, “Three
hours”. “Stand up.”, he said as he wrapped a fur coat around my frigid body. ”Come on, you have passed
but you are not out of the woods yet.” Replacing the collar around my neck he then led me back into the
barn.
“I have prepared a warm bath for you.” He then helped me lift my legs over a galvanized water
trough. “There, there”, he said, “Just sit and let the bath warm your blood. The pain of prickly needles
washed over my body as the numbness dwindled. Fading in and out, I watched him carefully remove a
stockpot from the stove. He poured the water from the pot over my head. “Just relax, you should be
proud of yourself.” “You have outlasted all who came before you.” “You’re a fighter and you value your
life. I watched as he warmed pot after pot, continuously pouring them over me.
“I will have to give you warm fluids intravenously.” “Try to stand”, he said as he lifted me up and
out of the trough. He then dried my body with a towel. After he dressed me in dry clothing, he led me to
a makeshift bedroom converted from a stall.
As he assisted me into the bed, I noticed a tray with medical instruments on it. What were they
for I wondered, but to tired to care anymore. He then placed the I.V. needle in my arm and covered me
up. “Rest up and sleep while I deal with the frostbite.” Before I was able to think about what he had just
said, I went out.
Waking up, I was no longer cold. The shivering and pain from the night before gone yet replaced
with new discomfort. My hands, feet, face, and head all pulsing. Slowly, I removed the blanket with my
bandaged hands to see my feet. Both were wrapped in bandages. Looking over my entire body, I
reached for my face. It was also bandaged. I could feel that my ears and nose were missing. “I know this
must be shocking to you, but it had to be.” “You had deep frostbite in your fingers, toes, ears and nose.
They had to be amputated. “I have sealed off the wounds and have given you antibiotics to fight off
infection.” “Be grateful your alive.”
“You are very ambitious, and I want to reward you for your success. “If you can continue to
cooperate, I will remove the stitches from your lips. “Don’t speak unless I ask you to.” “Can you give me
word that you can stay quiet?” I nodded in agreement.
As promised, he removed the sutures from my lips. Handing me a tin cup of water, he told me to
drink. Words can’t express how refreshing the first sip was. Not being able to control myself, I gulped
down the entire cup. Handing the cup back to him I managed to mumble, “more?” Violently, he struck
me in the face and stood up. “More, more more”, he yelled as he paced the floor. “Always wanting
more!” “You should have savored every last drop rather than gulping it down like a pig at a trough.”
“You have reached your third trial.” “Water is the source of all life and you will learn to appreciate it. Do
you have the desire to live?” “For you, I truly hope so.”
Locking the door behind him, he left the room. Feeling relief from his absence, I took a deep
breath. Concentrating on the air that went in and out my lungs, I was thankful to be alive. It had been a
couple of days since I was able to breathe through my mouth. I felt happiness and gratitude to just be
able to breathe. The blanket and bed kept me warm from the cold that seeped through the barn walls.
Feling relieved, I felt safe for that minute. I pulled the blanket up under my chin and just lived in the
moment. Looking for ways to escape no longer crossed my mind. Still fearful of the man, yet I felt a
strange feeling of gratitude toward him.
Mixed emotions danced around inside of me as I lay. Thinking of the others that were with me, I
pitied them. Had they truly wanted to survive, they would be alive. Had they fought harder, they would
have won against his trials. My sympathy for them abandoned my thoughts, replaced with
disappointment. Questioning my mental state, I laid wondering if I’d gone mad. How could I sympathize
with a man who had essentially tortured me. How could I be thankful to a killer, I wondered. As
comfortable as I was, I was thirsty. Three days was a long time to go without water. Knowing this, I
closed my eyes to try to sleep through it.
A familiar tune whistled through the cracks of the wall. My eyes blurry from crust, I wiped it away
with my bandaged hand. Curious, I tried peeking through a hole in a board. Seeing the two horses in the
next stall brought back anxiety from the first trial. Sounds of mumbling could be heard. Listening
intensely, I realized he had more victims. Wanting to scream out to them to calm their breathing, I said
nothing. Fearful he would kill me if I spoke. Though I didn’t have to. He was telling them to be calm and
they would live. If only they would listen, they could live. One after another perished throughout the
ordeal. Once again mixed emotions of sympathy and anger fought within me. I slammed my hand
against the stall boards. Why am I angry at them, I questioned myself. Hearing the distinct sound of the
hacksaw cutting through the bodies, I became sick. I crawled back in the bed and covered my head.
“Wake up, you have rested enough.” Leading me into the room where the bodies were, he
motioned for me to pick the parts up. “I will cut the meat and you will load it up.” “Do you
understand?”, he asked. I nodded yes and began putting the severed limbs in the wheelbarrow.
“Take it out back to the pigs.” “I trust you won’t try to run.” You will not get very far in your
condition and the weather” He was right, still bandaged and weak I knew I would freeze. Reluctantly I
put a arm, leg, and head in the wheelbarrow.
Once again, the cold made me shiver as I treaded through the snow. The night was calm. The
moon shined down on the solar panels that lined the buildings. I was on some sort of homestead.
Nearing the structure that housed the pigs, I cringed at the thought of feeding them. The squealing led
me to the hog house. Opening the door and entering, I gasped in horror. Piles of bones lay everywhere
within the house. The pigs squealed in delight as I tossed the body parts to them. The smell was pungent
and took my breath away. Not being able to hold back, I vomited the only liquids I had in me. After
unloading my delivery, I left to retrieve another load. Feet still bandaged, and I was cold, the thought of
running left my mind. Yearning for the warm bed, I trudged my way back to the barn. This went on
throughout the night.
“Almost done, this is the last of it.”, he said as he cut through a torso of a woman. “You have done
well, and I am proud of you.” “I know your cold and must be thirsty.” Yet, you still have forty-eight hours
left until you can replenish your thirst. “Keep motivated and you will triumph over your it” After the last
load was completed, he led me to the bed and rebandaged my wounds. Curiously looking down at my
severed toes, I seen I was missing five of them. The same as he bandaged my hands. I was four less
fingers. Two were gone from each hand.
My stomach grumbled as I tossed and turned. All I could think about was water and food. I
eventually passed out from the nights work. Waking up, I felt disoriented and weak. The hunger for food
and water still consuming my thoughts. “Twenty-Four hours left”, his voice said from outside the stall.
“Get up, I have more work for you.” “You have to earn your keep.”
The man then entered the room and placed the collar around my neck. “Here is a coat to keep
you warm, he said as he placed it on my back. Then he handed me some rubber boots. “These should
help keep your feet dry while you dig.” Wanting to ask, dig what, I didn’t dare from the fear of being
struck again. The task will be difficult but not impossible. Handing me a shovel, he led me to the spot he
wanted dug.
“The weather has let up and the temperature has risen. I can not trust that you might try to run.
He then locked the chain to a stake in the ground. “The hog house needs cleaned of the bones.” “Dig me
a hole big enough to bury the remains of the less fortunate.” “I will return in twenty-four hours.” You
have fared well so far, keep up the good work and you will be rewarded.” He then turned and walked
away.
The sun was just beginning to rise, and it felt warn against me face. The black sky turned to a
canvas of pastels. The view was stunning under any condition. After admiring the horizon, I started my
grueling work. Trying to dig with missing toes was difficult and excruciating. Placing the shovel into the
frozen ground, I bared down with all my weight. Breaking the ground seemed unfeasible, but I managed.
Letting out agonizing cries, I repeated the movements until I finally moved dirt.
Scanning around, my head was on a swivel looking for cameras. The thought of trying to escape
weighing heavily. Using my bandaged hands, I felt for any gaps in my collar. It was tight around my neck.
I Then looked for any weak links in the chain but found none. The steak the chain was hooked to must
have been buried ten feet, I thought as I gave it a tug. Giving up on any escape attempts, I continued to
dig.
The hunger and dehydration had started to take effect. My head pounded like a hammer on a
nail. I became nauseous. Fearing I might throw up, I sit and rested on the ground. Looking down at the
homestead, I wondered who the man was. Nearly falling asleep, I pushed myself up off the ground.
Visions of water surrounding me engulfed my every thought. God, I was thirsty.
After I finished digging the hole I fell to my knees in exhaustion. Worrying that if I fell asleep, I
would die of dehydration. Standing up, I desperately tried staying awake. The chain weighed down my
neck making it hard to stand. Using the shovel as a brace, I wedged it into the ground and balanced the
chain over top of the shovel. It lifted the weight off me, allowing me to stand easier. Standing and
swaying, I watched as day turned to night and night back to day. “Congratulations”, the man said as he
walked up the hill toward me.
“II knew you would conquer the test.” “You will soon be rewarded for your victory.” Leading me
back to the barn, I stumbled and fell. The man picked me up and helped me to my feet. As He laid me in
the bed, oddly enough I wanted to thank him. “Before I tend to your bandages, I am going to start an I.V.
to restore your electrolytes. He then handed me a cup of water. “Drink”, he said. Wanting badly to gulp
it down, I refrained and sipped slowly. The water was refreshing as it moistened my mouth. Water
wasn’t something I normally craved but, in that moment, it was all a I wanted. Living mostly on energy
drinks and sodas, I rarely drank it.
As I sipped, I thought about my body and how I had neglected it. Peculiar enough, the man was
giving me all I ever needed. He had somehow managed to push my stronger version to the surface.
“Good news”, he said as he wrapped the final bandage around my foot. “You have made it to the last
trial.” “But before we discuss that, I want to reward you on your accomplishments.” “I’m sure you have
questions, and I will allow you to ask them.” A little conversation will do us both some good.” I must say
I am as curious about you as you are of me.” He said as he poured me another cup of water. “But not
until you have rested.” “I look forward to it, I will see you this afternoon.” Locking the door behind him,
exhausted, I fell asleep.
Hunger pains interrupted my slumber. Turning about in the bed, images of food ravaged my
thoughts. Trying hard, I managed to push the vivid images of cheeseburgers out of my mind. Replacing
them with the image of the man conversing with me. What would I ask him, I pondered. Would I set him
off again and be fed to the pigs. One would think that I wouldn’t want to talk to him after he had cut off
my nose, yet strangely enough I did. I was curious about him.
My tossing about abruptly interrupted as I heard the man enter the room. “Well now, how do you
feel this afternoon?” He asked, as he pulled a old wooden chair next the bed and sat down. To scared to
speak I laid quietly. “It Is o.k., he said cheerfully as he patted my leg. “You may speak”. “Better but
hungry”, I managed to mumble. “Yes, I know you are hungry, but you have entered your final trial.” You
must endure three weeks with no food.” You have been here a week.” “Two weeks remain.”
“People of the world are gluttons. Indulging in prepackaged garbage to feed the body. Never
having to hunt or forge for it. If you make it the three weeks, you will have learned to appreciate what
you put in your mouth. You will think about what it is for, rather than just stuffing your face. Do you still
have the desire to live, for you I truly hope so.
“What is your name?”
“Liam, my names, Liam”
“Well, Liam, my names Doc” “It is finally nice to meet your true self.” I’ve been waiting along time for
this.” “You are now worthy to speak to.” “You have shed your old, infected skin and are growing new
skin.” “I have helped you thus far to create a better, you.” “You may speak freely”.
“Why are you doing this”?
“To save you.” “To rid you of the worlds temptations” “I am extracting all you have digested and
replacing it with the will to survive.”
“Who are you”, I fearfully asked.
“I am a doctor who the world cast out due to what they call negligence.” “I only pushed my patients to
better themselves and refused to subscribe fake antidotes”. “I didn’t hand them a crutch when they
could walk on their own.”” I left the city and moved off grid”. “Here I am free to practice as I see fit”.
“My patients now, are those that want to better themselves but just need a little push.” “Yet, none have
come as far as you, Liam.” “What is it, you desire, Liam?”
“A life of fulfillment”, I said.
“Are you not now, achieving that goal, Liam?”
Before I could answer, he told me, “Enough talk for the day”, we have work to do. “Don’t speak
unless I ask you to”. Unhooking my I.V., he then furnished me with warm clothes and boots again. “Grab
the wheelbarrow”, he said as we excited the barn. He then led me to the hog house. “I want you to pick
up the bones and put them in the hole you dug. Feeling weak, I pushed through the chore. The sight of
the mutilated parts wasn’t as repulsive to me as before. Yet, I did wonder who they were and where
they had come from. The day sped by quickly.
That night, I laid in the bed thinking of the man. Could he be right with what he was doing. I did
feel a new feeling of accomplishment. Had I truly shed my old self. Had he had given me what every
doctor before him had failed at. Questioning my own thoughts, I drifted off to sleep.
As the days went by, I would often help him rid the world of the weak. Every few days he would
bring in new patients. One after one they failed his trials. Some made it past the first, only to die in the
pen or the cooler, depending on the weather. We had many evening conversations where I learned
more about Doc, as he did me. Some nights I would listen to him mourn their deaths. He would often sit
by the stove talking to himself and crying. He would question their inability to understand what he was
doing. Finding myself somewhat sympathetic to him, I spoke out. “It’ll be o.k. you’re a good doctor, they
just don’t have a desire to live. “Thank you”, he said, “but do not speak unless I tell you”. With that I
climbed into bed and covered my head.
Ribs now visible, I was nearing death. No longer having the energy to help him any longer, I spent
the remaining few days in bed. As the final day approached, he came to me and said, If you don’t die
through the night, I will intravenously feed you the nutrients your body requires. Then you can truly live
your life. Tears filled his eyes as he pulled the blanket over me. You have been an outstanding and
cooperative patient and I thank you. Share to the world the gift I have given you.
Waking up, I was confused and again fighting off a sedated state. Rubbing my eyes in dismay, I
stumbled out of bed and tripped over my tennis shoes. Looking down at my disfigured feet, I was
perplexed at the sight of the floor. Continuously wiping at my vision, I scanned the room. Soda bottles
littered the nightstand. An empty potato chip bag lay empty on the bed.
Falling onto the floor, I curled up into a fetal position and cried. Visions of the dead filled my
thoughts. My mind was baffled with an emotional and ethical struggle. Four, four, four, I tried to
manage as anxiety reared its ugly head. “No!”, I yelled. I was alive and I was thriving. Quickly jumping to
my feet, I ran to my dresser mirror. It would be the first time, seeing the new me since my amputations.
Raising my head slowly my eyes met a man I had never seen before. A mangled mess stared back at me.
Yet, I didn’t see the ugly. I seen a victor. A man who fought for his life. I seen a man with the desire to
live. Admiring my new self, I calming starting whistling that familiar tune. I knew what I had to do.
The next few months, I spent talking to the detectives. Occasionally throwing them a false bone
toward their investigation. Had I not been a missing person, I would have avoided the police all
together.
A year has passed since my abduction. My life has changed for the better. I have faired well. I
often think about Doc and if he is still practicing. I did what he asked. I survive, appreciate, and share my
new gift to the world. I no longer spend my days waiting for life to toss me a crumb of its cookie. There
is value in the very air we breathe, the water we drink, the dwelling that shelters us, and the nutriment
we eat. Yet, it’s been difficult to convince people of this without some persuasion. So, please calm your
breathing. I am not going to kill you. This will only take three minutes. So, relax, do you have the desire
to live?” “For you, I truly hope so.
2024.05.15 01:16 EndingDragon159 Season opener?
With the schedule slowly starting to leak, we still don’t have our season opener out there. The good news is we are for sure not opening against the AFC North. Here’s our potential opponents remaining:
HOME: (imo more likely since we know we’re on the the road in wk2)
NE, WSH, LV
AWAY:
LAC, NYG, TEN, CAR (assuming we’re not in Germany)
I’d love get NE/WSH. If we’re going to be on the road, I’d like the Giants.
What’s your guys’ thoughts?
submitted by EndingDragon159 to bengals [link] [comments]
HOME: (imo more likely since we know we’re on the the road in wk2)
NE, WSH, LV
AWAY:
LAC, NYG, TEN, CAR (assuming we’re not in Germany)
I’d love get NE/WSH. If we’re going to be on the road, I’d like the Giants.
What’s your guys’ thoughts?