How to write reason for applying for a job

I use to work for McDonald's, got fired a month or two ago. I had a habit of coming in 5-10 minutes late because I lived downtown, I had lived near but moved. I didn't want to quit because I cared about who I worked with which was my 2 nightshift mangers, and a co-employee, and he bullied the f*ck out the co-worker and kinda one of the managers. But before I was fired half, if not most, employees hated the GM.
When he transferred to the location I worked he fired LOT of workers. A few understandable but others were just dumb. He fired and banned two workers that were taking food, understandable. But he fired one for eating a fry out the fry station. Everyone at the location even the managers and cooks, but for some reason he was the only one who got fired without any other reason or, to my knowledge, warnings.
The GM is so rude he told the MANGER, "You should work on your appearance." The manager was fully dressed to code and requirement. meaning he was most likely talking about her face or weight, it clearly wasn't here hair since she never changed it back to stopped coloring her hair.
With the people who worked there that he bullied daily. My co-worker, he noticed when he first came, that she constantly came to work 30 minutes late or not come in but would also stay 1 hour+ late to help and make up for her lost time. He said he was being "fair" and told her he wouldn't fire her if she doesn't miss a day again. FOR 7 WHOLE MONTHS on the schedule HE PUT for her. Keep in mind he NEVER works graveyard, but those who did work Graveyard didn't care or mind. Every week he constantly barraged her with threats to fire her. Motherf*cker even called her one dad and YELLED at her over the phone. It was at the point where she was afraid of him because like most people these days, she has anxiety. One night she worked perfectly, everyone got there food and drinks, and restocked half the whole store, but when he suddenly came in super early, her hands were shaking with fear and she handed out two wrong orders. He would just flat out change her schedule without her permission or knowledge without warning or heads-up.
With the manger he bullied, because we were short-staffed and graveyard just so happen to constantly get the slow and lazy workers. Our time was on average high, 200-700. He told her that she was just bad at her job. He never let her change her schedule even if he changed it on her, even though she had to take her kid(s) to the doctors. He never messed with any other employee or manager schedule without permission.
Me, well we had a lazy employee. So me caring about who I worked with, was asked every time to come in on my day off. Only having 1 day off despite working for a disability company as my main job. And I was the only night shift worker that volunteered to come in 2 hours early to help on X-mas eve and day. I was so incredible, the mangers that day can vouch for me, that I cleared all 3 screens within the 1st hour of working there. My manager during night shift saw our time at 600, left to do something for 10 or 15 minutes. Came back and saw my and the bullied co-worker, me bagging and running food while other was at window handing orders and drinks out, got time down to around 100 or less. One day the lazy employee who actually speaks Spanish got put to a speaker since one cook didn't call in. I ask the employee, if she wanted to switch spots. She said she was told by the night manager to be there and I told her that I know and asked if she wanted to switch to kitchen since the kitchen spoke Spanish only. after telling her she called the GM and told him I was HARASSING her, career ruining accusation. GM calls the manager and asked if I did. She told him I didn't and all he did was tell the manager to send her home. Never came to ask me what happened or anything.
A LOT MORE things happen, but I'll skip to the end. I clocked out, came on time that day, and while on a game on my phone which I'm being timed on. The night manager called me into the OFFICE as I'm waiting for my ride and playing game. As she speaks I'm playing the game and she ask if I'm listening, I say yes but she doesn't believe me so asked what she said. I repeat word for word what she said, and we continued as I'm responding. GM doesn't like it so he tells me to get off my phone, I tell him I can't since I use money on the battle pass so I'm not letting it go to waste. He tells me to put it away and I say no because I'm off the clock and he can't tell me to do so. So he gets angry and makes me sign the termination paper work or whatever he had me sign. But because I put the wrong I put the wrong date and asked the manager for the company number, he tells me it. And I guess he felt like being an a*s he said as I WALKED AWAY, "Make sure you spell my name right." I have dyslexia and anxiety. He felt the need to make the comment so that he can have the last word.
The mangers quit because one reason, the GM. He fired anyone who he didn't like or spoke back to him. And yes I have screen shots, and screen records on my phone of all this evidence and even the lazy worker would say I harassed her so, I can show all evidence. The GM mad ethe place SOO toxic and full of hate and fear. Last thing, he constantly took pictures of the cameras to tell the manager to tell us get off our phones (we went on our phone when we had no customers and nothing else to restocked or clean. However not one of the back window which is where the lazy worker was always on her phone and letting cars pass her window because she had attitude and such. But the kitchen, eventually got to the point where they didn't even care enough to even wear gloves. I was hired to be a Overnight Crew Member, but I had to and could counting inventory, had a thumb print to do refunds, promos and do other stuff, but I promised to only do it for codes and promos when it was busy. I kept that promise till I left. But I ALSO working lobby cashier, and KITCHEN. When I went to kitchen. I listen to my music, but when using my pinky, WITH GLOVES ON, my manger told me to not do that. I even turned off my music when morning staff arrived.
Short story: I worked 6 out of 7 days, as a part-time worker with the ability to do managers and kitchen jobs. But because I live 15 minute drive away, and came in 5-10 minutes late. But on my time off while tired from the work day since we had the lazy worker, as well as from the 6th day, I wanted to relax. But the GM had his feelings hurt, I got fired. Should I report? and How?

I work for a store that has upper management (including People Lead) that either don’t know the policies of the company or get off on giving people misinformation.
My question is: I know the policy on pregnancy related absences. Even so, I was told by my coach, and my people lead I had to file an intermittent leave to protect my position for missing days due to pregnancy. I have had a lot of complications and hospitalization. I did this, and have about 3 weeks of my maternity leave that is now not going to be paid because the absences are counting against my leave balance.
What can I do? Because at this point, I feel like I was told this information for the specific reason of my paid maternity leave being cut down. I’m not sure why or how the people that run this store do not know these policies and I am 100% okay with advocating for myself and my job BUT I need to know the best route to do so and need advice from others that know the policies and maybe have experience with this first hand.

Hello, Last time I did this I was inspired to see the general curiosities. Therefore, I’ll be hosting this AMA thread again, today. Come along with fair questions and I’ll try to help you guide yourself towards the answers. The questions need to be pertinent to philosophical discussion which would generally involve some kind of argument or discussion. If you’re applying to colleges and are facing a gridlock in the writing process, (BONUS: Especially for folks who are applying for colleges and universities and writing is not their strong suit— ask away questions on how to hone your story in the application process through essays). Thanks!

So I am about to sell a property near dighi area to a buyer and he applied for a home loan with Mahindra Rural Finance. The thing is, he is applying for a loan of X amount but I am selling the property to him for Y amount. How could this backfire to me in any way in future? What would be the definite reason he applied for a loan of X amount rather than applying for Y amount? He has written the amount to be X in the agreement as well btw. Any advice appreciated.

I need some advice on what all to include in an email trying to explain to our therapist that we are a multiple. I have been seeing my therapist for almost 5 years, he has been a life saver and a truly safe person for us. This last year we had some extreme traumatic experiences that forced the other host in the body to transition roles. Her and I were co-hosts but this lasat year it has been just me. Since the very first session with our therapist I have wanted to vaugly express our experience to test the waters to see if he was safe. Through the horrible experiences we went through this year, we have had many sessions where we are so dissociated we outright have rapid switching episodes infront of him. He has used launguage of "splitting", "fragmenting self", and "different personalities/parts" and has approched it with care and curiosity, he also does have special training in DID and tauma. There was even one session where I made a joke about "having to consult the directors in my head" for something we needed to think about, and he responded by saying he "hopes to meet them someday" so I know he is safe but for some reason, we can't get words out of our mouth in session, so I am going to take the leap and send him an email. We have been dignosed by a professional, its just been a hard rule that no one is allowed to know, but again, that has been impossible to hide the last year. I want to directly have a conversation about it but even trying to write the email, I get blocked. So I am reaching out hoping yall can help me come up with points I should start with, because I am also so overwhelmed with how much I want to tell him I don't even know where to begin. I believe he is waiting for one of us to begin the conversation and we are at a point where it simply needs to happen.

It’s crazy how brilliant this album is. It somehow still feels underrated and has an arguement for being possibly thee best album - not just in grunge but possibly in the history of rock, or honestly all of music in general! The fact that it’s a tribute to Mother Love Bone’s Andrew Wood (vocalist and amazing piano player) - with a few former members and all of future Pearl Jam since Matt Cameron eventually became the full-time drummer - just makes it an album formed completely from the heart and full of soul. This band was literally the polar opposite of a cash grab opportunist band. Apparently the band just wanted to make music in a stress free manner with little expectations, and boy did they surpass any that may have been placed upon them. Saying that even feels like a heavy understatement!
The fact that the project’s lead vocalist was a very close friend of Wood’s in Chris Cornell - who also died tragically - makes it even more touching. Side note, but Jerry Cantrell if AiC was supposedly very close to Wood and obviously Cornell as well. Wood permanently left his mark on the Seattle scene a year and a half before before it even became mainstream, and if you listen closely you can tell every bands’ sound - musically and lyrically - got quite darker following his untimely passing. I don’t think that’s a coincidence.
When he heard the tragic news, Cornell initially wrote two songs in the heavenly (no pun intended) Say Hello 2 Heaven - cleverly released as a single - and the unbelievably EPIC Reach Down. The former is a beautiful, bluesy song which passionately shows Cornell’s full vocal range and beautiful lyricism. Reach Down is simply put, one of the greatest and most epic songs in existence. Eleven minutes long with a guitar riff that is bone-crushing and very likely the best solo I’ve ever heard, especially when you consider McCready’s headphones flew off about halfway through the recording it - forcing him to sort of “wing it” (lol) without having a backing track to hear. Not one second of the song fails to capture one’s attention - which is nothing less than astounding considering the length of it. Cornell could’ve stopped there and had an epic dual single or even an EP considering he already had be nearly 20 mins (17 minutes and 37 seconds to be exact) material! This easily could’ve been all that was written… but then fate intervened in the best way possible!
Former Mother Love Bone rhythm guitarist Stone Gossard and bassist Jeff Ament - primary songwriters for MLB and earlier in Green River (another legendary grunge band) - wanted to collaborate with Cornell to put themselves in position to write and play music before the time off caused them to get rusty with playing or songwriting. With this in mind, Cornell wisely enlisted the other soon-to-be Temple of the Dog musicians (Gossard, Ament, Mike McCready and Matt Cameron) and a masterpiece was about to be born!
The album’s lead single, Hunger Strike, is a brilliant piece that features a fresh and truly immaculate young voice from San Diego in the incredibly charismatic Eddie Vedder, who was actually auditioning for Gossard and Ament’s new band that you may have heard of (Pearl Jam). The story goes that Cornell - hard to believe - was having trouble hitting the lows as he wanted them to sound and Vedder simply took the mic and naturally delivered the vocals exactly as Cornell had wanted them to sound! I think it’s safe to say Vedder passed his audition with flying colors due to his incredible power, elegance and charisma (and quickly developing song-writing). The song’s drop D tuning and the darker sounding post-chorus riff give it a very proper grunge edge. Say Hello To Heaven and Hunger Strike quickly became staples of ‘90s radio stations worldwide.
Digging deeper, Pushin’ Forward Back (the third single) and Your Savior combines Mother Love Bone’s street rock approach with Pearl Jam’s more serious hard rock sound. The former features a powerful rhythm guitar riff, soaring lead riffs, Cornell’s finest vocals and the best backup vocals you could ask for from Vedder. Skipping ahead to track eight, Your Savior provides some extremely impressive (and aggressive) drumming, guitar tracks and again Vedder’s unmistakably brilliant sounding backup vocals that could not complement Cornell’s lead vocals any better! This is definitely a favorite among favorites for myself, and perfectly follows the track Wooden Jesus in my humble opinion.
Call Me a Dog and Times of Trouble are, without doubt, two of the most beautiful ballads I’ve ever heard. The former slowly builds up momentum with lovely piano playing and a quieter guitar that seemingly gets louder as the song goes on until it reaches a crescendo, as the bridge hears Cornell belting out some seriously high lead vocals and then McCready blazing through with another divine solo! Times of Trouble is a very interesting piece of music to say the least. It was actually also used for Vedder’s auditioning as well as this albums in the absolutely alluring Pearl Jam song Footsteps, which had a more stripped down approach. Times of Trouble on the other hand features the music’s absolute full potential being unlocked with a more solid production, a more eventful buildup that includes gorgeous sounding piano and even a harmonica solo for good measure. This is blues rock at its absolute finest!
Wooden Jesus continues the beautiful ballad sound, with probably my favorite bassline of the album and adding another layer to the music with a what I believe is a very prominent and majestic-sounding banjo (if not it’s an acoustic) during the second verse and Cornell just absolutely owns it vocally on this track McCready’s criminally underrated guitar solo ties it all together perfectly. Four Walled World - along with Times of Trouble - captures Chris Cornell’s bluesiest sound I’ve ever heard on record, and the extended outro allows him to get some serious wails out along with another epic McCready solo. Four Walled World is a very strong track and gives me vibes of Pearl Jam’s soon-to-heard songwriting. In particular Four Walled World sounds sort of like precursor to Pearl Jam’s Deep. I’m not sure why exactly but they remind me of each other. Both have very bluesy riffs although Deep is definitely a harder edged track (love the phaser effect on it). But listening to it now it is more bluesy than I remembered for being one of the heavier Ten tracks. The main riffs are what sound similar to me.
All Night Thing is among the best album closers I’ve ever heard, settling the album and night with a beautiful ballad that feels a bit influenced by The Doors due to the use of an organ for the main melody (courtesy of the great Rick Parasher). I love that they went this route for the closing song. It makes me want to restart the album when it finishes so amazingly like that! This album has shades of Led Zeppelin all over it and I mean that in the best way possible. Heck even Chris Cornell and Robert Plant have very similar vocals imo and virtually identical vocal range at four octaves (although I’ve heard five for both as well) with the ability to croon or wail with the best - well they are the best lol.
The album is perfect from start to finish. Everyone served their purpose immaculately. Every single note, chord, lyric / vocal on this album feels perfectly placed. From the opening tracks that Cornell penned as soon as he heard the tragic news to the full on blues rock of the middle to the end of the album. I love the Mother Love Bone flavor to many of the tracks - particularly Pushin’ Forward Back and Your Savior imo. All Night Thing is among the best album closers ever in regards to softer gentler closers, which also includes Mother Loce Bone’s Chloe DanceCrown of Thorns (Shine EP and Apple - but without Chloe Dancer for the latter for whatever silly reason as both together created the “Stairway to Heaven of gen X”). Also including a piano - again courtesy of Rick Parasher - in a few songs was absolutely poetic being that it was Wood’s instrument of choice. I just wish he could’ve been the one playing piano on a Mother Love Bone and Soundgarden collaboration where they still somehow find Eddie Vedder and Mike McCready. If this album shows us anything, it is that tragedy can often sparks a passionate flame that otherwise cannot be equaled. Mind Riot by Soundgarden is further proof in this particular case.
Also my other picks for best softer album closers - so excluding all harder songs, or this will go on forever lol - plus closing with a gentler song I’ve always preferred as it feels like the albums way of saying “goodnight” which the first of these songs I’m going to list literally does! Jane’s Addiction’s Classic Girl (Ritual de lo Habitual), Pearl Jam’s Release (Ten), Pearl Jam’s Indifference (Vs), Alice In Chains’ Over Now (Tripod), Nirvana’s Something in the Way (Nevermind), Led Zeppelin’s Tea for One (Presence), Aerosmith’s You See Me Crying (Toys In The Attic) Aerosmith’s Home Tonight (Rocks).
Thank you to those who took the time to read my review of my favorite album of all-time! Rest in Peace to the great musicians / producers and human that were Andrew “Andy” Wood, Chris Cornell and Rick Parasher (producer for Temple of the Dog’s eponymous album and Pearl Jam’s Ten). You will all live on forever through your incredible music and be forever loved! Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️

I don't think this would count as malicious compliance, but I think I'd be doing my company a favor with it, and somewhat stick it to my bosses who likely would take issue with it. I generally like my job, and my bosses. This is moreso a result of my district manager, let'scall him John. That's not to say I wasn't, at fault. I did in fact fuck things up royally, with no one to blame on certain aspects but myself. A while ago, I wanted to become a key carrier for my store, I thought it'd be nice to earn 25 more cents for every hour at my store, and be a bit more capable. For context, the company uses an online training system we're expected to do at work when we have no customers, or, if it wasn't a station that dealt with customers, just straight up nothing to do. Becoming a key carrier was something you had to go out of your way to find on the training site, and do. Finding and doing it wasn't hard. In fact, I got it done within an hour. I told my general manager, let's call him Matt, the next day that I was looking to be a key carrier, and had already done the online part. I could tell by his look that he was impressed with my taking initiative, but not much came from it. About a month later, Matt finally got me started doing actual in-person training with other key carriers, and seeing as how I could only close on Fridays and Saturdays, it would've been a slow process. At least it should've been. Given how Matt had been cutting back on people's hours, with everyone saying that John was pressuring him to do so, I have reason to believe that John is responsible for how long it took me to actually get started with in-person training. However, I only got 2 weeks until I had to close the store on my own. That was 4 nights worth of learning, and safe to say: I WAS NOT READY. I couldn't remember where I was supposed to look to see how much I was supposed to take out of each register, or how much variance there was. Not helping was how the other 2 people up front were a little new, the guy in the back was a bit lazy, and the 2 of the 4 computers we had to ring people up were crapping out for some reason. Things weren't going smoothly, and I was losing patience as the night went on. Once we closed for the night, I sent 2 of my coworkers home for the night, as we weren't allowed to count registers or safe without at least one other person in the store. The registers ended up being incredibly for the next day, but confusingly to my general manager in training, let's call him Elliott, the deposit that was accurate. He ended up having to scrub through security footage to be sure that I didn't steal any money, which I didn't. The most damning thing I did was forget to ask about actually getting the physical key. This is one area where I am objectively at fault. No denying it. So when the other guy and I left for the night, we locked the front door, put in the alarm code, and made a mad dash for the back door. It was about an hour and a half after we were supposed to have left, and we were very tired, so we didn't bother to make sure the door closed all the way, and just went home. It was just left open, and I am INCREDIBLY lucky that no one snuck in. I showed up the next day and asked just how horribly I fucked up. Elliott calmly said that it was by a lot, but understood that I wasn't entirely at fault. We quickly made a few schedule changes so that a key carrier would be watching over me, ensuring that I actually knew what I was doing. A while later, I would be closing with someone who was previously a key carrier for another company, let's call him Greg, and he is a pretty solid guy. I asked Greg why he wasn't a key carrier for our company, to which he said: "The amount of added duties weren't worth the 25 cent raise. You're pretty much a manager, with all of the overrides you'd get access to, and things you'd be responsible for signing off on, but you aren't called a manager, or payed like one." After seeing me close once he noted how, at least compared to his previous company, the closing process had way more possibilities for mistakes. I don't know just how much better the closing procedures are at Greg's previous company, but I found it noteworthy. What my general manager and district manager might take issue with is my plan to head straight to my store and ensure that any new key carriers were capable. I fully intend to do so for every night they close without another key carrier scheduled until they can confidently do so with me just watching them. I imagine my John and Matt will be taking issue with the fact that I'll be off the clock when helping with closing procedures. My response to that would be: having a key carrier come in for an hour at most for a few nights would be less expensive to the company than the two people already be there for 2 hours longer than they're supposed to be, combined with someone coming in early the next morning to fix whatever mistakes were made, and maybe scrub through footage, for the same amount of nights. Again, I don't think this counts as malicious compliance, but I'd be sticking it to an incompetent boss, and saving the company a bit.

A lot of "normal" people may laugh at the title, and at the very notion that someone could be addicted to music and be dependent on it, since we usually think that addiction can only apply to things such as drugs, alcohol, video games, amongst other more "mainstream" items. Even though in reality addiction can be anything that you have built a dependency on, and anything that is negatively affecting your life - unfortunately, that's music for me. Even though I realize music itself is not the problem, it's me.
I'd come to this realization before, but never actually did anything about it. I'd realized that I have a big problem, I spend hours upon hours of my day listening to songs on my headphones, pacing around and of course daydreaming. As I am sure many of you can relate, music is the biggest trigger for my MDD. It started years back, so it's not a recent thing, but it's definitely snowballed into a bigger and bigger problem each year. Before, when this issue of mine started when I was still in my early high-school years, I'd listen to songs and daydream about fictional worlds; think fantasy type and stuff with intricate stories and various characters. At this point, it still wasn't classified as a problem because I could control it. As high-school progressed onto my later years, that's when things started getting worse. I'd prioritize daydreaming and listening to music over studying.
Throughout from I'd say 2019 (late high-school) to present day (now early 20s), I've oscillated between phases where this was really bad, and then times where I had it under control. But it started spiraling the worst its ever been mid-ish 2023, so last year.
I've pinpointed that it's gotten even worse now because I am deeply, deeply unsatisfied with my real life. I realized this because I took notice that I went from daydreaming about fantastical worlds, to daydreaming about being a completely different person, having an entirely different life, having good friends (I know that's sad, but I lead an isolated life which doesn't help with my problem), being an amazing singer, being an amazing artist, being an amazing whatever- highly-appraised-career you can insert here. It's a symptom that I am trying to escape who I am, and using it as a form of escapism, much like someone could use video-games. The thing is, I don't have time for this anymore. I am not a HS teenager anymore. I am an adult in my early 20s now, and I am sowing consequences for me to harvest later on in my future if I continue.
This addiction leaves me to forsake the things I actually want and need to do. For so long, I have been listening to music and imagining myself in some alternate reality where I am the complete opposite of a total failure (as I am now) like it's a job. The ironic part is that the more I do this, the more I dig a bigger hole into being an even more massive failure. The truth is that reality is harsh to face, and when I look in the mirror, I am faced with the fact that I am none of those things that I wish to be. And I am not those things because some are genuinely impossible and grandiose, and the ones that are realistic, I could achieve if I actually put my time into being productive and manage to dominate my anxiety and feelings of low self worth. I feel like I could've even achieved them by now, if only I hadn't wasted so much time. It's the very definition of a vicious cycle, I feel like an anxious, worthless, failure, so I retreat into my own mind and drown out those uncomfortable thoughts with music instead of facing them. Which causes me to feel worse next day. Repeat.
Now though, I've decided to quit. Today was my first day not listening to any music. I think I underestimated how difficult it was going to be, because now at nighttime (when I most often listen to music and daydream), I find myself getting incredibly antsy and like I need to scratch an annoying persistent itch. I almost gave in, but so far I have persisted. I plan to do this for 2 weeks at first, then increase it to 2 more weeks, and so on. I may do this for a couple of months. My main goal with this is to increase my productivity, and nurture my current connections with people (family) because as I failed to mention before, it also affects my interpersonal relationships bc I tend to choose escapism before talking to family often. I also hope to make new connections and get out more, the actual world is scary of course, but it also has a lot of beautiful things to offer. I feel like I can't enjoy music on a deep level anymore as well, I just passively listen to it out of custom almost a lot of the time. Not always bc I even want to.
I don't want to feel like I am watching my life go by anymore, for so long I've felt like a background character in my own life, but instead of fixing it I just cope with it in an unhealthy way.
I am writing this post because maybe someone else out there can relate, and hopefully this post can help by inspiring you to take charge of your own life and mind. I am not sure if this long post will be read by many people, but I'll make sure to do an update by the 2 week mark and subsequent updates after that. If anyone is interested in joining me, then you are more than welcome to.

So I am about to sell a property near dighi area to a buyer and he applied for a home loan with Mahindra Rural Finance. The thing is, he is applying for a loan of X amount but I am selling the property to him for Y amount. How could this backfire to me in any way in future? What would be the definite reason he applied for a loan of X amount rather than applying for Y amount? He has written the amount to be X in the agreement as well btw. Any advice appreciated.

Finally got approved for TDIU. I am grateful to all the helpful info in this group. I want to share some things to pay it forward. Maybe something here will help add to the wealth of information.
Originally granted 70% for MH in 2018. Have not been employed since 2019. Not currently in treatment but have been before. I filed my claim for increase/TDIU Aug 2023. I submitted VA treatment records, behavioral health records, personal statements from myself, spouse, and a previous coworker. Also, the previous employer forms(more abt the forms at the bottom) and a copy of my social security earnings statement.
Timeline:
September 2023 - C&P scheduled and conducted via telehealth (VES)
November 2023 - Medical Opinion requested and submitted (Optum)
December 2023 - Claim Denied
January 6, 2024 - Filed HLR - along with a statement/argument with CFR references
January 11, 2024 - Informal conference call - I used the waitwhile link to schedule myself. The link works sometimes and it down other times, search "waitwhile" "ic link" in the search bar for recent posts for a current link.
January 17, 2024 - HLR Closed - Duty to Assist error - DTA Supplement Opened
March 2024 - 2nd C&P conducted in person - QTC - was originally scheduled for Feb, but they rescheduled due to the provider no longer being there.
May 9, 2024 - scheduled call with St Pete VERA to ask for update/status
May 10, 2024 - HLR>DTA Supplement Closed - TDIU denial continued. C&P examiner opined in my favor, rater denied anyway based on a side statement examiner made - This is where I felt defeated and almost gave up, but instead..
May 10 2024 - Quick Submitted HLR with argument, found waitwhile link on reddit, scheduled informal conference for May 14th
May 11, 2024 - HLR opened on VA account
May 13, 2024 - Informal Conference canceled due to scheduling prematurely. Immediately scheduled another one in its place for the next day
May 13, 2024 (an hr later) - DRO called me saying they reviewed my case and was granting TDIU
May 14, 2024 - Decision Letter granting TDIU available
Tips I learned along the way:

VERA is quicker than the C-File. Yes, get your c-file, but in the meantime, VERA can give you what you need. Every time I had a c&p or medical opinion submitted, I scheduled a call with VERA to request a copy be sent to me by mail. I usually had copies of my DBQs 4-5 days after the examiner submitted it. Schedule call (virtual appt) with VERA - https://va.my.site.com/VAVERA/s/ you can choose ANY office - I had luck with Albuquerque and St. Paul , I used St Pete during my HLR.
Once I got my copy in the mail, I wrote a personal statement in response to what they wrote. For instance, when the examiner stated I could work in a solitary position, I wrote and submitted a statement explaining how my symptoms prevented me from working in a solitary position. These were not super long statements, just my statement in response, a paragraph or two. My sole purpose of this was to add this all to the record in case it took me years to fight my claim. At least it was in writing that I said xyz to the VA. Whether it actually helps, who knows, but I spoke my piece on the record and it made me feel "heard" I guess.
When I talked with VERA reps, I always ask when my suspense date is. I know they are very loose timelines, but I realized if I called before the suspense date, I was scripted off the phone but if I called after, they usually would “flag” or “make a note” or “check to see whats going on with it” and in my experience, it moved my case along.
USE THE SEARCH BAR on this subreddit. Sometimes, I didn’t even really know how to word what I was looking for or what I needed to know, so I just used keywords and scrolled to see if anyone else asked. 9/10 someone else asked.
For previous employer forms - Look up your former employer online, find the email for the human resource dept. - Send form and request via email. Follow-up with a phone call if you don’t hear back. In my case, they contacted me by phone to verify who I was then sent the completed form back to me. I submitted them with my claim because it can take way longer for VA to reach out to them and maybe hear something back. I liked this route because I didn’t have to interact with any old supervisors or people I actually worked with. Just an HR person doing their job.

I understand some people don’t like the idea of people skipping the line or harassing the VA, but I think people should be as proactive as they can when it comes to fighting for what they need for better quality of life. The VA is backed up and busy, so if you can break through the noise then go for it, nobody is going to fight for you like you will. And everyone is going to play the waiting game at some point. These claims are stressful and extremely triggering so do what you have to do. Good Luck to everyone still in the fight.

hello ^_^ this is a throwaway acc because ive never actually used reddit before and i'm nervous about people knowing my identity, since the things im going to discuss give me a lot of anxiety. additionally, i'd like to say that if this is not the space to ask this, i completely understand and feel free to remove my post ^^ i just can't stand struggling with myself anymore, and if this isn't the space, could someone maybe direct me to somewhere else where i can discuss?
for the past ~four weeks or so i've been questioning if i'm a system. i completely acknowledge i may not be, but i'm struggling to find disorders that fit my symptoms, and i know the did/osdd spectrum is a varied experience. i am also aware you all are not mental health professionals and cannot diagnose me, nor know exactly what is going on in my head, but i suppose i'm just looking for advice. i'm a minor and currently do not have access to a therapist or mental health professionals. i live in an abusive household, and i have heavily suspected social anxiety and autism. obviously i am not diagnosed, but my experience heavily relates to these two, and people i know who are say its likely i have them. i have several friends who are systems, online and irl, and my partner is also one. ive caught myself sometime.. wondering what its like to be a system, for lack of a better word? sometimes it feels like im mentally glorifying it, which i correct as soon as i notice, because i understand did and osdd id a trauma disorder and can cause so much distress and disorder (hence the name) in someone's life. i've been doing a lot of research but i still feel unsure, and i've also talked to one of my sys friends about my experience, and they also said its possible, but also possible that i'm not. the main issue i have is memory loss. ive struggled with my memory since i was a kid and i always just labelled myself as 'forgetful', but all of my peers have told me its not normal, and the past few months its been really stressing me out. i frequently forget things people tell me, things i say or do, and sometimes why i am somewhere, although i feel that last one is a relatively normal experience; the 'walking into a room then forgetting why you're there' sort of thing. ive caught myself feeling like im on autopilot, lost in my own thoughts and being unaware of my surroundings, which sometimes makes me do nonsensical things until i sort of 'snap back into reality'- i've put salt into the fridge, thrown my tv remote into the garbage, ran into walls or doors or stubbed my toes too many times. sometimes i forget my meals for so long that i end up eating two dinners, then remember the next day that i had two dinners. just recently i made rice. i remember cooking it, and eating it, but the next day my mom asked me why i put the rice into the pots cupboard. i don't remember doing this at all. additionally, i am very very bad at time; i'll think something happened two months ago, then my friend will tell me its been a week. ive always been an extremely emotion-oriented person, so when i act out of the ordinary, i considered it mood swings. i'm a trans guy, so i thought hormones, or maybe its the autism, or maybe its a normal experience, but recently an incident happened where i was talking to my partner in a groupchat with a mutual friend and i told them some very passive aggressive things which i would normally never say and once i had calmed down and apologized for the ordeal i realized i didn't even know why i'd reacted that way. they hadn't done anything at all wrong and one of the main traits i'd say about myself is i rarely every get mad/angry, and when i do, i never express this to the people around me. several of my friends share this sentiment. due to the abuse in my household, sometimes i'll have a mental breakdown and cry for an hour, but then be completely fine afterward. the next day i almost forget the thing that upset me ever happened- meaning like, i know it did happen, and i know it made me upset, but it just doesn't feel like that big of a deal anymore, and i don't feel upset at all. its almost like, emotional amnesia, for lack of a better term. i don't feel any of the emotion i know i felt at all, and sometimes even find it hard to understand why i was upset in the first place. apparently this isn't normal, either.
the big thing that makes me believe maybe its not did or osdd is i don't often disassociate, or maybe i do? i can't really tell.. most of the time i feel its me piloting my body, if that makes sense, but i zone out a lot. something i do struggle with is knowing the world is 'real'; often it feels like im.. in virtual reality, or looking at a painting, or a screen or something, but i'm chronically online (online every moment i physically can be) so i connected it to that. sometimes when it gets late i do things i wouldnt normally do, but i believe thats also quite a general experience- sleep deprivation changing your behaviour. ive dissociated during traumatic events, which is a normal trauma response, but one specific thing i can remember is in.. 7-8th grade, i can't remember which specifically (i'm in tenth now, i'll be in eleventh next year), there was a period of about two weeks where i felt extremely derealized. it felt like i was watching my body move and do things from outside, and it wasn't caused by anything, as far as i know. it just sort of happened.
another thing that makes me think i'm not a system is i dont really hear voices in my head i hear. my own but ive always thought its my own and its like narrating what i think, i guess its never changed unless its like i randomly read what someone said in their own voice or whatever and it doesnt really say anything that im not thinking unless i have intrusive thoughts, although i can sort of.. debate, with myself. but its always felt like me, like im weighing the pros and cons of somethin, or arguing for both perspectives of an issue. i've always tried to be an open minded person and see all sides. i do talk to myself sometimes, but i do it pretty mindlessly. i never thought anything different of it, but maybe its not normal? when i was a kid, i would talk to myself out loud. i also felt lonely and in 4-7th grade i had convinced myself the wind was my friend and that i could control it. i called him 'mr wind'. don't really think this has anything to do with being a system, but some background knowledge, i suppose?
when i first started actually doing research after denying even the possibility of me being a system for ~two weeks, i did try ti communicate with my possible other parts, but i wasnt very successful. i laid down in a dark room and focused on my mind, trying to call out to anyone at all, but all the responses i got only responded after i asked a question, and refused to answer if i myself could not think of a response to the question. for that reason, i believe this was simply myself attempting to come up with a response. i also started keeping a small digital journal, in case they'd prefer to communicate that way, but nothing i havent wrote or remember writing has showed up, either.
in terms of identity, i've been.. somewhat sure of myself? i think i know who i am kind of well, but sometimes i question myself. i don't have anything significant to say on this topic, which is why i didn't bring it up earlier in the post, but i understand identity is a huge part of being a system, which is why it felt important to address somewhere.
im hesitant to talk about this, but in relation to fiction, i don't have many 'kins'. however, there is one character i feel like IS me. i have no idea how to describe it. its just whenever i see him, i feel like he IS me, like we're the same, even though we have practically nothing in common. this character is loud and confident and a perfectionist and im none of those things, quite the opposite, actually. i know this probably isn't evidence but i just find it so weird.
food is a very sensitive topic for me. i am very very picky about food, because certain textures, tastes, etc make me very prone to not liking food, and when i don't like a food i eat i vomit. like many other autistic people, i have "safe" foods, which i typically will always feel comfortable eating. but every once in a while, a food that has been "safe" for years will suddenly taste horrible or have a bad texture and it makes me vomit, which then makes me scared to eat it again. sometimes i try these foods again in the future and they become "safe" once more. i'm not sure if this can be related to being a system, but i thought perhaps it was different alters having different preferences? no idea.
i once had a dream i was a system. it wasn't like, the main focus, i just was, the plot still unfolded as usual. i know dreams are just dreams, but since im mentioning everything ever, i might as well mention this too.
i'm not sure if these can be connected to being a system at all, but i figured maaaaybe they could be, so i'll mention them anyway: feel free to disregard this section if physical symptoms don't apply
-sometimes my knees will randomly feel weak, and like its hard to walk
-sometimes a random wave of heat will wash over me for a few seconds then disappear, this can also be accompanied by ear ringing
-sometimes a certain part of my lip will twitch and no matter how hard i try it won't stop, but it only ever lasts a few minutes
-for the past few days, i've had incessant eye twitching in only my left eye, and similar to my lip no matter how hard i try it won't stop, but its a lot more common than my lip twitched and only started happening recently. i've had the lip twitch for years, but it only happens once a few months. with my eye, although it only lasts short periods like my lip, its been happening multiple times a day. i don't really treat these as part of my 'evidence', just in case, i guess
this is pretty much all of my "evidence", feel free to ask any questions in the comments. my feelings won't be hurt if you say you think i'm not a system. i'm just looking for an honest opinion, because the way i can't remember shit ever is driving me crazy. i feel like i'm faking because i subconsciously "want" to be a system to fit in and better relate to my friends and my partner, and i didn't have suspicions before they brought up how they were, so how weird is that, right? but at the same time, i'm trying to be very very honest in my experiences, because i understand misdiagnosing myself could really damage my mental health. i just don't know anymore. if you believe i'm not a system, could you perhaps point me in the direction of something else my symptoms might fit into? thank you very for your time, and your help if you decide to comment ^-^

For those of you in this forum with direct CDC Foundation experience- would someone mind enlighteningme on how the application process with them works? I meet or exceed the qualifications and/or preferred qualifications for all of the jobs with them I've applied to over the last 18 months and I never hear a single thing back even with follow up from my end of things. Is this the norm for them?

It makes sense as to why autistic people look younger than their age. It is common fear amongst the autistics which is the fear of change. When you fear change, you avoid a lot of intense experiences like any other individual. I have also noticed that people who are bold and gets their job done, goes out in the sun to work, develops normal maturity through age tend to have thicker eyebrows, intense face, a lot of sweat on their face. They do the "hardwork" which will put them ahead. I am not talking about just manual work, the emotional and mental work to get through something. They socialize accordingly with time. Basically how you operate shows up on your face. If you operate from fear and avoidance, it will definitely show up on your face. If you are bold and goes through the rough patch howsoever, it will show up on your face. You face is not just a face. It is accumulation of your experiences, choices, mental work, and let's not forget how you feel emotionally on a day to day basis. Try this thing ,if you just write on a paper few times for next 30 days "I am changing, I am growing old". It will trick the brain to think that changes are on the way, and we need to leave the past to embrace the present. There is no shortcut to looking older than actually looking older through your rough experiences. Also with autistics, it is also noticed that they tend to avoid heavy emotions. You have to address the emotion as it comes to you. Do not dodge, do not run, do not bypass it. Let it penetrate right through your heart and mind. Practicing this, bring a lot of intensity on your face. It is salty, it is ugly, horrible, nauseating, makes you feel weak and timid, makes you cry, your face gets all worked up, you sulk or whatever it is, go through your emotion as it comes right away. You are of a certain type because of how you operate and that's such a simple explanation. Make a list of all the hard work you are avoiding and number them according to the intensity. Pick anyone and do it anyway. You will start feeling the intensity of that on your face. Let's say: You absolutely hate the texture of a food. Have it anyway and let the anger, irritation comes on your surface. Let those irritate you. All those emotions are important to be felt. I understand the roughness we have gone through life because of the autism but sorry to be rude, you need to have the skills, boldness, willingness to get through life. You can't just hide in disguise of your mental health condition and be a softie for life.
Today, I am going to write down the list or let's say I will write " I HATE" and list them down all, number them, and I will give myself a month's time to address it. I will come back and update all the emotions I felt throughout the process. It is going to be tough. Bye.

I’m in an abusive relationship and I’m honestly scared for my life . My boyfriend and I started dating 5 years ago. It started off fine and then one day he found my old cell phone. He said he was looking for some pictures of us but saw screenshots of messages of my ex. Which made him go through my ex and I’s old messages. And saw that 6 years ago before we were officially a thing but were seeing each other that I was still seeing my ex. I was just getting to know him at the time. Regardless he took offense and accused me of cheating. He took my new phone from me said he was going to text my ex and tell him that he “could have me.”
I hadn’t spoken to the guy in about a year at that point. I tussled with him to get my phone back. He’s over a hundred lbs bigger than me . I ended up hitting his eye and he gave it back and he called the cops. He told them I didn’t live there and I was trespassing. The cops asked me to leave I decided to peacefully and as I was leaving. He then decided he was sorry and had this whole apology. I stayed because it was the dead of winter in Minnesota and I had nowhere to go really. My parents stopped talking to me over him. He isolated me from my friends. He was all I felt I had.
That was a while ago. He promised never to do anything like that again and I chose to believe him. It was going good again. I reconnected with friends and family And then he started doing little things that I looked over like not allowing me to go on vacation with my friends unless he could come too. Most of my friends are in relationships as well so they just asked their partners to come and it all worked out. Today , he did it . He put his hands on me. And it got bad.
Why? I fell asleep and didn’t want to get up to take a shower. I was already in bed. I was exhausted. He woke me up saying i needed a shower. I told him I’d shower in the morning. He said i had to shower right now. I said no. He picked me up and brought me to the bathroom and started ripping off my clothes. He falls asleep without showering all the time. But when it comes to me. I must shower before bed. It’s not the first time he did it. He did it once before and showered me himself. I felt dehumanized when he did it. I couldn’t stop him he can completely over power me.
Today I didn’t want that to happen so I fought his resistance and asked to be let go. He said if I don’t shower I have to sleep on the ground. I kept resisting. And he kept applying force. I thought I was going to die. Me resisting made him angry and he just started hitting me. My face is still pounding from the blows he said that he had to hit me because I wouldn’t stop resisting. My face is swollen And I cried saying there was never a need to do that in the first place. He said if I stopped “being dirty” then it wouldn’t have to get to this point. He then washed me up, dried me…He then had sex with me. It lasted about a hour. Once he finished up, he washed me up again and kissed me and told me to go to bed. If you’re wondering what happened while he showered me and then had sex with me. Idk I sort of froze. I remember him on top of me telling me he was going to put it in my butt. I hate anal. He did it and I was frozen there. I’m now realizing he raped me
I have no idea how I got here. I feel like I can’t leave . He’s holding so much over my head. I lost my job because of him. I have nothing . And I’m so scared. I’m scared to fall asleep. I feel like i can’t control my body. He just did all this and tomorrow he’s gonna ask me for breakfast, I’m gonna do it. He’s going to be all sweet and I’m gonna have my guard down and I’m going to brush away this situation . I always wondered how people get this kind of situation… I feel so useless. I don’t know what I’m holding on to . He’s convinced me that there’s nothing out there for me. Like I can see the wrong but, I feel like I can’t get up and leave. I tell myself I will but I’ve been here 5 years. Im hoping I make out without a pregnancy.

Realistically, I've been behind on my projects this whole PhD. I've felt pretty neglected by my advisor, and felt like I've had to define and synthesize all of my project by myself. As such, I don't know what's good enough for the dissertation. I feel so burnt out because I've been in high gear since August. It's eroded friendships and taken a toll on my relationship. He wanted my last chapter's draft by tonight and it didn't happen. Just so many little pieces I thought I knew, but when I got writing, I just got confused. Data didn't make sense. We already pushed things back a few weeks and my funding ends at the end of the month. I don't know how I'm supposed to be looking for jobs at the same time, especially in this market. I feel like he's sick of my shit and just wants me gone and that's an awful feeling. I frankly don't blame him either, but I just wish he'd do more mentoring and less university politics and admin.
I don't know if I'm asking for advice or venting or what. This just feels impossible and I don't know how or if I should convey that to him. Ugh.

I have been wanting to get in the federal sector for a while now. My background consists of an undergraduate degree in criminal justice and will be completing my masters in social work next year. I was an intern for U.S Probation last year during the end of my undergraduate year. I have been employed in my local sheriff’s office for 3 years in a civilian position dealing with intake and release of inmates. While completing my master program I had to complete hours in another city’s jail as a Mental Health Therapist utilizing evidence based practice methods.
I have kept in contact with some U.S Probation Officers since I left. I have also made sure to work with the vulnerable population (mainly in the corrections side) as I hope this would help me be a favorable candidate when I apply.
How would my chances be if I were to apply to federal jobs at this moment(US Probation, HSI, FBI, USMS) ? Should I focus on applying to local LE positions first? Would I have benefited in completing a different master program?
I guess with being close to completing my degree, I have been having doubts if I chose the right track.
Any thoughts or advice would be much appreciated!!

At this point I feel like I'm going to be a failure at any job I have and I feel like a total idiot. I recently started working at this new job that I have as an assistant store manager in retail and I feel like I'm falling behind. Im a slow learner and forget things easily to the point where I have to write things down and my manager gets frustrated with me about it as if I'm purposely trying to forget things even though that's how my brain is wired. She also got frustrated with me for struggling with calculating maths through the computer system when it came to calculating sale targets (I also have dyscalculia). Im just frustrated with myself for annoying other people at work and at every job I've worked at I've always had someone I worked with say the typical line "you've been here for this amount of time so you should know this by now, you're so slow". I don't even know what to do with my life anymore since I feel like I suck at everything. Do any of you who have ADHD know what job is easier for you? (Anything except office work of course as I don't want to sit on a chair for several hours either lol)

It's around 11:00 pm while I'm writing this, and time to time I feel empty, not for any particular reason (I think) but I just feel something is missing, and when I feel like this I just want to stop my day, you know just pause and stop being for a while, stop existing just have my day paused, I don't know why I start to feel like this sometimes, it's probably normal but I just felt the need to come on here and speak how I feel, another thing is when I don't think I'm worth it, like I'm aware that people love me and I'm important but I just feel like no one really does, if I were to dissappear I just feel like no one would care all to much, lack of importance is what I feel. Anyway I don't feel like writing anything more, but I don't feel like sleeping, whatever, logging off.

I'm at a point in my life where I feel completely stuck and hopeless. I'm hoping that sharing my story here might give me some clarity or at least help me feel a little less alone.
I've been through two divorces, and both were marriages my parents arranged with my cousins at the age of 19 and then at 27. From the beginning, I wasn't happy in either marriage. It felt like I had no choice, and I went along with it to please my parents. But I ended up feeling miserable and trapped. Eventually, both marriages ended in divorce, which brought its own set of challenges and emotional turmoil. Did I do this to myself and let someone stomp on me smh.
Now, on top of dealing with the emotional fallout of two failed marriages, I'm struggling with my career in TECH. I don't even have one. I've been applying for jobs left and right, but in this job market, it feels nearly impossible to get my foot in the door. Every rejection letter chips away at my confidence a little more. ( I DID GRADUATE AND HAVE A BACHELORS IN PSYCH BUT NEVER REALLU USED IT)
I've been praying and doing dikher trying to find some hope or guidance, but I still feel lost. I see people around me moving forward with their lives—building careers, finding happiness, creating families and I can't help but feel like I'm falling further behind every day.
Has anyone else been through something similar? How did you get out of that dark place and find a way to move forward? Any advice or words of encouragement would be deeply appreciated.
Thanks for listening.

I just had an unpleasant conversation with someone who I guess frequents this sub as well lol. A friend of mine told me they posted our interaction so some of you may have seen the conversation. If you haven’t, I basically asked the person if they roleplayed on discord as a first message. They didn’t like that and decided to bite so I bit back and a childish argument ensued.
To give some backstory, I was browsing Reddit and stumbled upon their profile. I skimmed a few of their posts, sent a message and moved on. They replied back soon after saying that my message (which was along the lines of ‘is discord a viable option’) was block worthy. I was confused and they explained it was because I didn’t include a list of information they wanted such as kinks, limits, what post I was coming from etc. I didn’t specify a post because I didn’t come from a specific post, I saw their profile and looked over several of their listings. The reason I didn’t initially answer the rest is because I only roleplay on discord. Some people do not use the app and prefer PMs or other platforms. I’m sure everyone has sent long intro messages to either not receive a reply or to be told they don’t favor the platform you do. It sucks so I no longer write long introductions without having that very simple question (at least I think it is) asked and answered. It’s like asking someone if they’d like to play a game but not knowing if they’re on PC, PS or Xbox, you know? At least that’s my perception. If the answer is yes I’m of course happy to divulge further in conversation, but this individual deemed my message to be “low effort” and was rude from the get-go. I know I shouldn’t have entertained their hostility and just blocked them but I genuinely was confused how a simple and easy question could produce such a dick reaction.
How do you guys respond to peoples ads or to profiles you see that interests you? Is sending a simplistic message asking for platform preferences a fair first message or do you guys write more?

Sorry if the formatting is weird, I’m typing this out in my phone. Also, sorry if the story is all over the place, I’m not a very good writer.
I simplified it in the title, but it’s not her boyfriend. My (18F) friend (18F) has been talking to this guy (16M) for around 3 weeks. Recently, she’s been ignoring my calls and then texting me that she’s on the phone with him. I don’t have a problem with that, she’s allowed to call him obviously, but she’s literally always on the phone with him or hanging out with him. While it hasn’t gotten to be that big of a problem yet, I can see it continuing to happen as they keep talking.
Last Saturday, me and her had a senior photo shoot together for our grad party. Since me and her are both awful procrastinators, we put off choosing our outfits until the day before. I facetimed her that night and she declined it. She then, of course, texted me that she was on the phone with him. She basically begged me to just talk about it over text before I even replied. She wasn’t wrong, I was against doing it over text because it would be a lot harder to do. I told her I wasn’t going to do it over text because of that, and asked her to just call me for 5 minutes then call him back. She again told me no and begged me to just do it over text or if she could just call me later. It was almost 12am and I was about to go to bed, but I caved because I didn’t want to start an argument. It made me especially upset because she hung out with him that day for 4 hours, then was calling him even after that, and still couldn’t spare 5 minutes for me on something I told her we’d have to figure out days before.
Today, the reason I’m writing this post, she bailed on me and my other friend. Last week, we made plans to go shopping today and we never get to hangout due to our schedules never matching up. I confirmed plans around 12PM and just 2 hours later she cancelled. She said it was because she wanted to wait for her paycheck, but (and I know this is bad to do) I checked her location after she sent that text and she was at his house. Then tonight I tried to call her and she was on the phone with him.
I don’t know what to do. We’ve had an conversation in the past about me feeling left out and it led to her saying she felt “suffocated” because everyone always wanted to do things with her. But now she’s spending every moment she can with this guy and I can’t help but feel that she just doesn’t want to hangout with me. I want to talk to her about it but when I brought up feeling left out before, she made me feel so invalidated.
And I don’t want to make this seem like she’s an awful friend, she isn’t. She’s an amazing friend and she’s just terrible when it comes to managing relationships/friendships. She gets anxious and stressed out very easily, so I don’t want to cause drama by bringing this up to her. Because I haven’t been able to actually talk to her about it, I’ve been snarky (“Ohh you can’t hangout because you’re gonna be with your man” type of remarks) when she brings him up or declines my calls. I don’t want to act like this because I don’t want to be a bad friend, but I find myself doing it without even thinking. Does anyone have any ideas on how to bring this up to her? If not, any opinions on the situation? Am I overreacting?

My god, I'm so sorry this is going to be long...but I have to get this out and I have no one else to rant to except myself, so here I am...
TL;DR 1: Theyre expensive for no reason, stressful for no reason, and honestly I just think they're not worth the time...
I love my fiancee to death, but all I wanted to do was go to a courthouse, sign some documents and be married to this absolute beautiful soul that has graced my life. Then maybe take a month off and go somewhere special out of state that we've always dreamed of (Greece is a huge one! Lol), take a cruise somewhere with the money we've saved, or pay off some credit card/student debts..Hell, or even put down a down payment for a house we've always wanted/talked about, get a couple dogs/chickens we've wanted and just... bask in our life together.
But here we are spending 20+ thousand dollars and countless hours testing different fake flowers, trying to find outfits for the groomsman that fit the color palette (men's warehouse fucking SUCKS compared to getting exact colors at the womens bridal place!), frustrated, crying, figuring out how we want to set up the table decorations, aisle decorations, figuring out what to give as gifts to an event that we're fully paying for, what music to play, people aren't rsvping in a timely manner, hotels, venues, caterers, music, food, transportation, alcohol, day of planners, hair, makeup, etc, etc, ETCETCETCETCETCETCETCETC..
All for family that we hardly talk to on a regular, that we prob will continue not talk to on regular after all is said and done and alot of which don't even get along so seating arrangements are annoying to do. The next few months honestly can't come soon enough so all this can just be behind us and we can move on with our lives.
I want to be married to her, I want to hold her, I want to take her last name, I want to spend my life with her... I don't want a wedding, I don't want to go thru this wedding planning, I don't want to needlessly throw money away like this for a single night to appease the eyes of others, cause honestly that's all weddings feel like to me.
I'm not a fan of being the center of attention in any situation and just the thought of it makes me anxious having to do so for 6+ hours. Not to mention, our wedding party is spending their own hard earned money to fund our Bachelorette party and I feel AWFUL about it. I love and appreciate our friends for going out of their way but we're all in our early 30s now, life is basically established for everyone, everyone has things to do, jobs to work, some have children to take care of, some are in the army, life is so hard, I feel so bad...
My future wife (♡) is so precious to me, this is something she REALLY wants and dammit ill deliver lol, I never wanted to say no, I just wanted a happy compromise... she's been thru so much and denied so much in life I want to give her this, shes so sweet and caring of myself and others, always puts others before herself, truly a selfless soul...but wow...is this wearing us down...
Like I said, I don't really have anyone to rant this out to, everyone is so happy for us I'd feel horrible tearing this event down complaining to someone... We'll be married a literal day before our 8th anniversary and I can't wait for us to fully and completely call each other 'Wife' :)
TL;DR 2: I just don't like weddings.