I (28m) had an appointment with my boyfriend’s (31m) friend who is a doctor (let’s call him G). My plan was to go meet some friends after the appointment and just hang out. For context, my bf has two other friends (M. and F.) who are a couple and live right in front of G’s office.
Today, my bf decided to go with me to my appointment and then hang out with my friends. I was totally ok with this but told my bf thar I wanted to be at my friend’s house at a certain time.
Fast forward, after my appointment, we saw M and F (my bf’s friends) who were arriving at their apartment. We greeted them and they invited us in to have something to drink. My bf explained that we had to leave in an hour because we already had plans with other people (my friends). M and F seemed totally ok with this so we decided hang out with them for a little while.
We chatted and had a great conversation but I was checking my phone now and then to see how long it’d take us to drive to my friend’s place and if anyone else had already arrived. My bf did ask me at different times if we should be leaving but I told him we could stay a bit longer since none of my friends had arrived yet and it was a 15 minute drive to get there.
We had been at M and F place for almost two hours when I told my bf it was time to leave. His friend, M, said that we were having fun, that we should stay a bit longer and that we could always meet my friends later. Nonetheless, my bf told him we would be leaving soon.
Right after that, I went to the bathroom and when I returned, I gently held my bf’s shoulders and told him again it was time to leave. M then told me to “chill and to sit down” while my bf finished his drink. I took a seat and then M proceeded to explain that my friends could wait for me, that the time in which I arrived wouldn’t make any difference and that I would eventually realize that this doesn’t really matter, that I should stop constantly pushing my bf into leaving.
To this, I remained silent but felt powerless and humiliated because I didn’t want to be rude or ruin the moment but found this comment extremely condescending and out of place. It felt to me like M was trying to give me unsolicited life lessons in front of everybody and that he wasn’t being considerate of our time and original plans. Despite all of this, I did my best to remain calm.
After a few minutes, my bf noted that I wasn’t comfortable and abruptly interrupted the conversation and told M and F we had to leave. We all said goodbye but it was very awkward and I felt super guilty because, although we had other plans from beforehand, I didn’t want to be the one who ruined the nice moment nor seem desperate to go elsewhere.
At the car, I told my bf I was pissed after hearing M’s comment and my bf first tried to listen to me but eventually got defensive. I didn’t want to argue so we put the conversation on hold.
Anyway, AITAH here? I felt humiliated, exposed and insulted with M’s comment but I understand that this was not his intention. Also, I feel that I ruined the moment and that I ended up looking as the desperate one when in reality we had other plans and it feels like M didn’t carry about that. I also don’t want any conflict with my partner’s friends or for them to see me as someone who isn’t interested in spending time with them. Finally, I feel like this isn’t a big deal at all and that I shouldn’t be feeling this way. Thanks!

There's a knock at the door. It's Monday morning, and half the team is gathered in my office. We've been wrestling with this problem for the past week, and morale is low. As the leader, I'm feeling the pressure. I let out a sigh, and open the door.
Standing there is our junior intern, Tom. He's been with us for only a few weeks, and his enthusiasm is infectious. He stammers, "Sir, I...uh...have an idea."
I look around the room and at the sea of tired faces. "Alright," I say, "Let's hear it."
He pitches his idea, and I'm stunned. It's a completely fresh perspective that none of us had even considered. The room is silent for a moment before buzzing with renewed energy.
So what's the moral of the story? As a leader, it's easy to keep looking at a problem from the same perspective, getting stuck in a rut of conventional thinking. But the best solutions often lie outside of this rut. This, my friends, is where lateral thinking comes into play.
Lateral thinking, coined by Edward De Bono, is all about freeing our minds from established patterns and opening up to unconventional approaches. It was clear Tom had utilized lateral thinking. His fresh perspective allowed me, as his leader, to step back, reconsider the problem, and embrace a new approach.
That day not only gave us a breakthrough in our project, but it also taught me a valuable leadership lesson. I started to invite more ideas, from all levels of our team, encouraging unconventional thoughts and perspectives. This, in turn, fostered a more dynamic, creative, and inclusive culture in our team, improving our problem-solving and decision-making skills tremendously.
P.S. Just to clarify, Tom doesn't exist, neither does the problem we were facing. The truth is, this story is completely fictitious, created by yours truly to help you get a feel of how lateral thinking can be applied in a leadership role. So next time you're stuck in a rut, channel your imaginary Tom and think laterally! And yes, you can laugh about this. After all, there's nothing like a good, constructed story to start the week, right?

1. Time commitment. People who have succeeded on the SHRM certification exam report investing between 120 to 160 hours in their preparation. (That's a solid month: four weeks at 40 hours a week.) You might spend as little as 60 hours or as much as 180 hours—adjust as needed. But remember that hours alone aren't a guarantee of success; the time needs to be well-spent. Keep this in mind as you build your study plan. Look for moments you can steal—use your lunch break to work online in the SHRM Learning System, go out to your car and read a little, and never be without your flashcards (more on that below). It all adds up.
   
2. Practice questions. The more practice questions you answer, the better prepared you'll be. Some of my students have found non-SHRM resources like study apps Quizlet and Kahoot to be helpful in this area.
   
3. Explanations of answers. The online SHRM Learning System has many practice questions for both the SHRM-CP and SHRM-SCP practice module exams and finals. After you answer the questions, you'll see explanations for why the correct answers are correct and why the others are wrong. This will help you refine your thinking.
   
4. No shortcuts. A word of warning: While practice exams are helpful, they're not a replacement for studying and learning. Some students become overconfident when they repeatedly take practice exams and see their scores improving—but they aren't learning the content, they're just memorizing those exams! Don't mislead yourself. You've got to do the reading, attend the classes, take notes and study them. On this exam (as in life!), there are no shortcuts to success.
   
5. Flashcards. Become best friends with your flashcards. Whether you choose to print them out and cut them up or download them to an e-reader, always have them with you. That way, you can make good use of small bits of unexpected available time—waiting for a meeting to begin, standing in line at the store, etc. Flashcards help you remember concepts and definitions. If you understand a concept and know a definition, you've got a shot at answering an exam question correctly. (Flashcards are not enough on their own. But if you don't know a concept or definition when you're taking the exam, your chances of answering a question correctly are low.)
   
6. Learning through stories. Throughout history, humanity has always learned through stories, whether sharing ancient lore around a fire or tales from a pulpit. People retain lessons when they can connect to them. Knowing the story behind SHRM exam content can be helpful as well. For example, there are stories behind key employment laws and court cases. What happened to Willie Griggs that made Griggs v. Duke Power a landmark decision? Why is what happened to the namesake of the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act relevant today? While the SHRM certification exams won't test you on such stories per se, you might encounter related questions. If knowing the stories helps you retain the knowledge, search online and read all about them.
   
7. Discussions and study groups.SHRM Connect is an online community for SHRM members to discuss all kinds of HR topics. Search for the "SHRM Certification Prep Group." For those of you who like to work in a study group, you might be able to find or start one in your area using this platform. Plus, it's a good networking opportunity—a double payoff.
   
8. Now that you've read some tips on test preparation, here are a few tips for test taking: Trial run. A tutorial available on Prometric's website allows you to try out the test-taking platform before you take the actual test. Do a generic mini-test to use the highlight, strikethrough and flag functions and more. Becoming familiar with the system before the day of the exam will improve your confidence greatly.
   
9. Long questions. It's easy to get distracted by all the information in situational judgment test items or long narrative questions on the exam. Stop to identify what the question truly is. Be sure to pick out the exact question you're being asked to answer.
   
10. Multipart questions. If you encounter a block of text on the exam followed by multiple questions relating to it, different parts of that text will be useful for answering different questions. Use the highlight function to mark what stands out to you—what is relevant to each question—one by one. Erase the highlight when you've answered the question, then highlight the new material that relates to the next question and so on.
    
    1. HR means action!In the modern era of HR, we are expected to get things done and make things happen, to be proactive partners and leaders in our organizations—not sit and wait to be told what to do. The exam reflects this. Look for answers in which you are expected to act.
    2. Use the strikethrough function and other tools that help you focus. Strike through "distractors," which are answers you believe to be incorrect. Eliminating incorrect options improves your focus on the remaining options, which may increase your chances of selecting the correct answer. Learn how to use strikethrough with the tutorial available on Prometric's website (requires Adobe Flash Player version 10.2.0 or later) and practice using the test-taking system before your exam date.
    3. Use the flag function. Not sure what the answer is? Mark the question with a flag so you can return to it later. As you warm up through the exam, you may pick up hints from other questions and answers, or some piece of critical knowledge may get knocked loose from your memory, and you'll be able to come back to the flagged item. (How to use flags is something else you'll learn on the Prometric tutorial.)
    4. Use the calculator. You don't have to do math in your head. There's a built-in calculator, so use it. (Practice using the calculator, too, on the Prometric tutorial.)
    5. Use scratch paper. Scratch paper is provided by the testing center, so use it. Capture things while they are still in your short-term memory. Writing things down helps you see what you're doing, so scratch paper can also be useful for completing math calculations even if you use the calculator.
    6. Know HR math processes. While we're discussing calculations, keep in mind that the four multiple-choice answers offered for a math question will often reflect how the numbers in the question itself are used. For example, if the question involves the numbers 4 and 3, the answers to choose from might be: 7 (4 plus 3); 1 (4 minus 3); 12 (4 multipliedby3); or 1.3 (4 dividedby 3). Learn the processes required for HR math.
    7. Look for differentiator words in the questions. When you see differentiators—"least," "best," "quickest," "most important" and so on—use them to guide your analysis. These words require you to distinguish between a pretty good answer and the best answer.
    8. Approach absolutes in the answers with caution. When you see absolutes—"all," "always," "only," "never" and the like—beware! Absolutes in HR are unlikely and are just as unlikely to be correct answers on the exam. After all, how many things have you encountered in your career that are always or never true?
    9. Answer every question. Not answering is a bad idea: Don't leave questions unanswered. There's no penalty if you answer incorrectly—points are not taken away—so take a guess. It can't hurt, and you might guess correctly. (Of course, if you think you can guess your way through the whole exam, guess again! Refer to the very first test tip in Part 1, which discusses how many hours of preparation time you should plan for.)
    10. Watch your time. Keep your eye on the timer at the top of your screen. Don't dwell on one question for too long; in doing so, you might run out of time, sacrificing your chances of answering other questions correctly later.

#shrm #shrmcp

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- - - - -
It had been a few weeks since Altier was brought to the run-down shack that his black-scaled companion likely called home, and he could now comfortably say he was accustomed to the…household’s routine. The kobold typically left at the crack of dawn, returned a little after noon, and occasionally left again to forage until nightfall. When the weather was bad or there wasn’t a particular need for something, they half-heartedly chased their rabbit around for a bit, which usually ended with a bout of quiet petting while everyone got ready for the night. It was always amusing to see the energetic side of what he had come to know as a relatively lazy loaf of an animal. As for the routine of the ferrorabbit in question… Well…it was at least more interesting than expected.
Hoppit would begin his own series of activities as soon as his caretaker left—the first of which being a check of every nook and cranny in the shed. He sniffed at anything that caught his interest, varying from morning to morning, but he gave every object or corner its due attention. Once he was satisfied with that, he would eat some of the ragged plants that made up most of his diet, take a drink from his bowl, then jump onto the tro— table and plop himself down, his ears pivoting towards the door. It was hard to say if the lounging spot had been established before Altier’s arrival, but it was somewhat amusing to pretend that the little rabbit was standing guard over his core—if it wasn’t for one particular part of the morning ritual, that is.
Indeed, the ferrorabbit had a habit of licking the obsidian orb that sat in the middle of the room, which thankfully didn’t seem to perturb the system enough to give Altier a headache. He was confused when it first happened, but it was commonplace enough now that he barely acknowledged it. A part of him liked that he was getting attention as a core, even if it was delivered via a strange grooming method. The closest he got to being acknowledged as something other than ‘the dungeon’ was through an unfortunate misunderstanding that he could never properly rectify. He supposed that was hardly worth thinking about now, though; too much time had passed for there to be anyone left to correct. The little oddity of his mornings would have to suffice.
There wasn’t much to comment on as far as the rest of the day’s happenings. Hoppit would end his loafing by shaking his head and ears in a way that filled the silence with soft clacks, give the core a customary tongue bath, then jump off the table to nose his way out of the shed through a hole that was hidden by the storage cart against the wall. Where the rabbit went was anyone’s guess, but he always returned before anyone noticed he was gone, and often did so while covered in small cuts and scratches. Any blood from the lacerations was quickly licked off before it could be seen by the kobold, and in the event that the scaly caretaker happened to return earlier than expected, Hoppit would scurry over to the bundles of blankets to finish the cleanup in secret.
Today looked to be following the usual pattern. The kobold left bright and early with various gardening tools and a wooden pail, and Hoppit had since set off into the great unknown for one reason or another. Hopefully, he returned less injured than usual. It was frustrating to admit that Altier had begun to grow rather fond of the fluffy creature, and seeing the thing come back hurt was bothersome. Was it off looking for food? There wasn’t a whole lot given to it, so that was a possibility, and it could be getting into fights over whatever it found. That still didn’t explain why the animal was so thin, and Altier didn’t have enough to go off of to think of a potential solution. He wanted to help it in some way, like by summoning a creature to act as an escort, or maybe just by manifesting something edible like he once could. No, he could only stare at the ‘Synchronizing…’ that occupied his menu, wishing he had more information to work with.
He never thought he would miss the bombardment of notifications and their lingering presence that filled the edge of his mental vision; at least with that he could surmise enough to hazard some kind of action. Even knowing why the menu was acting the way it did would be a start. Yet, try as he might, there wasn’t a history for him to reference anymore, and he had nothing to work with. He was confident the last message had asked him to ‘accept’ something, then took his befuddled ponderance as an answer, but he was no closer to an explanation for what it wanted, nor why it prompted him in the first place. He just didn’t have another experience to compare against, since nothing like that had ever happened before. Not that he was ever in much of a position to allow it.
The entire purpose of having Altier inhabit a core was for him to become a dungeon of Decay, which entailed all the skeletons, poisons, acids, and whatever else came to mind when one pictured the concept. ‘Living’ creatures were something he only had the chance to experiment with near the beginning of his new existence, though he never dabbled past the first few insects before transitioning to the mindless undead. Having a thinking, feeling, breathing entity touch his core was a rite reserved only for the adventurers and soldiers that bested his trials, and that was usually a painful experience. Now, he had spent what he could only guess was hours being held by a kobold, followed by having a rabbit bump against him, and neither felt like what he came to expect. Instead, both had led to a completely novel reaction from the system. The strange circumstances put him at a bit of a loss as to what it all meant for him.
Sure, he could dismiss the deluge of errors from his companion’s involvement by pointing to the numerous ‘corrupted’ messages before it, and Hoppit was a part of mostly unexplored territory, but the lack of clarity nagged at the back of his mind constantly. Being exposed to activity after potential decades or centuries of unchanging solitude made him despise the informational dead end. If he couldn’t make sense of the rabbit’s circumstances, then he didn’t have much hope of deciphering the reason for why his system was misbehaving so terribly. He also didn't know much about the one who owned the decrepit holdings he was housed inside.
He still wasn’t sure what drove the kobold to take him from the cave. His suspicion of becoming traded goods fell flat after the first week or so, and he hadn’t noticed any cult-like behaviour, which was promising. Granted, a lack of nefarious behaviour didn’t mean there was a lack of nefarious intent, but he didn’t get the impression his companion held that either. The kobold itself didn’t seem quite settled on an opinion of his core, though it was up for debate if the hesitation was due to knowing what he was or not. They seemed to mull something over before bed each night, yet never reached a satisfactory conclusion, staring at the obsidian orb through weary grey eyes until they eventually forced themselves into sleep.
Whatever the underlying reasoning for his abduction was, he had observed enough to know that the kobold didn’t deserve to live in destitution. As beaten as the shed might be, they cared for it as best they could, and did so without a single groan or grimace of complaint. The floors were cleaned with a tattered rag and fresh water, dust was removed regularly, and any stray mess that Hoppit made was dealt with promptly. They even took the time to wipe off his core, which was possibly where the ferrorabbit got the idea to start licking him. The only time Altier had seen discontent from the kobold was when they didn’t find much during their foraging, and thus couldn’t give any treats to the excited and bouncy herbivore.
He wasn’t aware that a creature’s face could make such a painfully broken expression, and he was quick to decide that he never wanted to see it again.
Vexingly, his metaphorical hands were tied; a dungeon could only influence their Domain, and given the state of his system, not even that option was available to him. All he could do was glare at the rotting wooden beams that held up the roof and remember when such an issue didn’t exist. It would have taken a mere flicker of thought and a paltry sum of mana to mend the struts when he was a proper dungeon. He could even outright reinforce the structure by weaving in other materials, leaving the appearance as it was while making everything stronger than iron. Well, he once could. Working with other affinities was something that came to him after absorbing the coloured motes left behind by adventurers, and the accursed stone that stole his mana had taken that ability as well.
An attempt was made anyway, his will ordering the deteriorated wood to absorb any trace metals from the ground, but it was no use. He couldn’t feel the iron or stones beneath the shed like he would have been able to before, all but confirming his suspicion that his connection to the Earth element had slipped away. Nature was much the same; the only way he knew when Hoppit had returned most days was from the subtle noise and the essence of injury. The other attributes—Air, Flame, Luma, Shadow, and so on—were ones he never experimented with to any real extent, so it was less noticeable when he lost his grasp on them. Perhaps they faded early. Either way, all he had left was a waning cognizance of his own alignment, and that wasn’t of much use to him. If he had any appreciable mana income, then perhaps he could do something, but he wasn’t even sure what the upkeep of his current Domain might be. It was entirely possible that he was running on a deficit, which would offer a reason for why his system had been so—
[Do#$@n Ex@#d$%^&d! CRe@#r H-H-H-HoPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP—]
[Errrrrrr—]
[Sy$%^hroni%^$zing…]
[Creeee-tu— Hoppit ha@$ esttttb-hed terrrrrrr-ity f^#% t$e dun@&$n!]
- - - - -
“Well then,” he mumbled to himself, taking in the strange scene behind the shed. For one, he could actually view a small distance beyond the structure now, and two, there was a rather proud-looking Hoppit sitting on his haunches before a pair of significantly less prideful examples of the species. They looked quite a bit bigger than the lazy loaf Altier had come to know, yet they were more cut up and dejected than his furry friend. That answered where the injuries had been coming from, he supposed. Hoppit was probably running off to bash heads with whatever animal population existed here beforehand, and they had only just reached a consensus on who was in charge. Impressive.
One of Hoppit’s ears turned back towards the shed, his head following suit as he gave a lagomorph’s approximation of a ‘Look what I did!’ smile. Altier blanked out mentally, but didn’t have time to question anything before the new leader of the local rabbits imperiously pointed a paw towards the surrounding forest, which was equally surreal to witness. Most surprising of all, the…subordinates? The other ferrorabbits did as commanded, keeping their forms small as they took off into the foliage. Soft clacks came from Hoppit’s pleased shake of his head, then he too left the area with only a slightly lopsided bounce to his stride.
The man-turned-core could only gape at what he saw. Were animals always so…expressive? Had Hoppit heard him? What in the world was happening? Why had Hoppit’s personal conquest led to Altier’s Domain expanding?
He lamented not having fingers, nor temples to rub with them. His system was a garbled mess of errors and inconsistent messages, his residence was falling apart at the seams, his companion was someone who abducted him from the dungeon, yet never did anything past that, and his first real experience with an animal was turning out to be more confusing than he thought possible.
All of this was after an unknown amount of time spent commanding legions of undead to strengthen the very people who he would later learn had lied to and manipulated him, making him into a nightmarish entity just to bolster the power of their forces. He almost missed the days spent gazing out of a mossy window. At least then he knew what to expect.
Nothing made sense anymore.
= = = = =
The soft sound of roots ripping free from soil suddenly stopped, only to be followed by a dull thud of Ceele’s palm slapping against the ground to catch her fall before she landed on her rear. She righted herself with her tail and tossed the stubborn weed into a pile with the others. No matter how many mornings she did this, they always seemed to replace themselves faster than she could remove the pesky things. A sigh slipped from her muzzle as she set about grabbing the next one embedded in the vegetable garden.
Aches and spreading stiffness flared up, but went ignored as she neared the end of her duties, though she was well aware that they would come back with force once she tried to settle down for the day. The impending soreness was an inevitable byproduct of spending so much time working. Still, she knew that if it wasn’t for the kindly old couple that allowed her to call their shed home, she would still be sleeping beneath the stars while making sure nothing tried to get at her Hoppit. Even if it was just a part of the deal, they were owed this much in return, and she would see it done properly.
The sun bore down on her back as she did her usual tasks, which was a departure from the slightly overcast weather as of late. It looked somewhat promising when she checked in the wee hours of the morning, yet as her gardening duties dragged on, so too did the intensity of such a clear sky. A disappointed glance at the empty wooden bucket on the edge of the field was quickly corrected. She hadn’t thought to refill it at the river after watering the crops, and her parched throat was making its protests known, while also reminding her that there wasn’t much water left at home either. One more thing to take care of when she was done.
A gruff cough brought her attention towards the old kobold resting his back against a tree some distance away, safely shaded from the unforgiving rays beaming down. Her displeasure at having yet more to do was hastily wiped away. She was undecided on what to think of the detached audience, but looking so sour while upholding her side of the agreement wouldn’t reflect well on her. Hopefully, he hadn’t seen it. Not that she could tell if he did; he always had the same expression when he watched her work. The elder kobold’s arms were crossed, a finger tapping absently against his bicep, while his tail sat motionless on the grass, the muddy red colour of his scales standing out amongst the greens and browns. ‘Makis,’ was his name, assuming her memory served.
Makis had taken to observing her every so often, usually propping himself against this or that at a distance, the unwavering scowl being as unnerving as it was belying of his age. Somewhat loose skin sagged a bit around his jowls and neck, yet the rest of his face was still taut from how much time he spent examining red-hot metal, and his arms were marred with countless burns and cuts from his profession. He held an oppressive aura, though the crinkles around his eyes and muzzle suggested he smiled as frequently as he glowered, even if Ceele was yet to see the former. There was only the same judgmental expression aimed at her when he was around. She could only hope that he didn’t take offence to some unintended slight, but she didn’t know him well enough to say what might be considered one.
They hadn’t spoken since she took up residence on the outskirts of his land. His wife was the one to introduce them, but it was quickly established that he had no intention of being a chatty individual. He led Ceele to the shed hidden amongst the trees on the edge of the property, then dismissed her with only a grunt coming from the elderly kobold. She supposed that it was for the best. Her experience in socializing was centred around convincing others to employ her, and there hadn’t been much of an opportunity to expand her horizons while living a life on the road. If that had been the end of their interactions, she would have swiftly written the terseness off, but he appeared every few days, taking up residence beneath the shade as he watched her work, never speaking a single word. At least he didn’t openly protest her presence, yet she figured that would be easier to manage. He wouldn’t be such an enigma then.
There wasn’t a whole lot she knew about him besides his penchant for ‘supervision,’ and anything beyond that was what his wife had volunteered during the rare opportunity they had to chat. She was told that Makis worked the smithy out front, and although he had retired from doing so in an official capacity, she could still regularly hear his hammer as she tended to the garden, so she figured he kept himself busy most days. It made her wonder what was so interesting about a vagrant like herself, but when there was so little else to do, she could see how anything could be made worth the attention. It was just him and his wife living in the once bustling home, after all; the couple’s children had long since grown up and made families of their own.
She noticed his gaze shift elsewhere as she tugged yet another stubborn intruder from the soil, his arms falling from across his chest and the perpetually worn displeasure melting to that of curiosity. He wandered off shortly after, and she had to make an effort not to fall onto her tail as the pressure on her shoulders unexpectedly evaporated. Did something happen?
Ceele shook her head free of the distracting thought. It wasn’t her business if he grew bored with watching her work. As long as no one voiced any complaints, she could only assume that she was doing a satisfactory job. Maybe he finally decided that he didn’t need to be so watchful because she was doing well! That could be it, right?
A glance at the somewhat sloppily maintained garden erased the false confidence from her face, but she was just as quick to focus on finishing up, unwilling to allow darker musings to fester. Thankfully, there didn’t seem to be anything else that needed her intervention. The weeds were all uprooted, the soil was appropriately dampened, and her check for pesky insects or wildlife turned up nothing to worry about. She was free for the rest of the day!
…Or she would be free—as soon as she finished the last of her tasks, anyway.
The black-scaled kobold got up from her crouch unsteadily, shivering and wincing from the pins and needles in her legs. She would have to remember to stretch more often; it was far too easy to forgo that kind of thing just to make the overall work go slightly faster. Her hand reached out to grab the pile of weeds and put them into the bucket as she ran through what needed to be done before she could properly relax. Hoppit’s food needed to be washed, she needed to bathe, and they were running low on water anyway, so she would have to visit the river. Just the thought of dragging herself into the forest again made her muscles protest, but she wouldn’t have the energy to do it later. She forced the smile that had started to fall and took the first of many steps.
- - - - -
The river wasn’t too far away, only taking a few minutes of traipsing through the dense woodlands until she reached her destination. It was an idyllic little spot. The trees thinned out to allow a grassy bank along the water, and there was an appreciably gentle slope from shallows to depths, making for a convenient place to take care of various needs. She had discovered this place during her travels, and it was where a kind older woman found her.
Ceele was washing off at the time, with Hoppit safely taking shelter from the outside underneath the bundled blankets while he waited. The trickle of the stream brushing against rocks covered the sound of footsteps, so she was rather surprised when an aged voice called out to ask if she was okay. Her first reaction was to distance herself and apologize—the why didn’t matter, but she had learned that most people were more lenient of her presence if she seemed apologetic for it, and she usually was. The elderly kobold just laughed at her scrambling, tacking on an assurance that there was no need for modesty. The woman was blind, apparently, which explained how Ceele’s blackened colours hadn’t deterred her.
Strangely enough, there was a comforting sense of ease around the one who introduced herself as Hira. It was a sort of presence that Ceele could only vaguely remember, and it drew her close enough to speak as she finished bathing. The conversation wasn’t anything profound, of course—they hardly delved deeper than surface-level small talk—but Hira lost her smile as she listened to the younger kobold. By the end of it, the old woman posed a series of questions with a dark inflection to her voice, and Ceele struggled to find an answer.
‘Are you tired of looking for something that only slips away? Are you tired of running? Do you really want to be scared and alone?’
If the silence bothered Hira, then it didn’t show. She had simply held out a hand and offered Ceele a way of life that didn’t involve wondering where she would be spending the night, nor entailed cowering in the brush while fearsome predators roamed freely. It would be a simple existence of few fortunes, but it was safe, and it was honest. All she had to do was say yes.
Ceele denied it at first, partially because she knew most people despised Hobbit's species, and partially because she couldn’t shake the offer being too good to be true. Hira was quick to propose a compromise; Ceele could take residence in the gardening shed that had fallen from use, and to satiate the nagging sense of an unfair deal, she would be put in charge of maintaining the garden itself. All Hira wanted was to ‘see’ her favourite space bloom again, since she couldn’t take care of it anymore. The black-scaled kobold stared longingly at where Hoppit was, his little body shivering from the prolonged cold and fear that he would be hurt if he left the blankets hiding him. It was with a heavy guilt that she accepted Hira’s offer, keeping quiet about her true reason for doing so.
That was in the past, however, though she thought about it every time she stopped by and saw the smooth rocks where she and Hira first met. Eventually, she might gather the courage to admit that she was housing a ‘pest’ and beg for forgiveness. Until then, she would just work her hardest to prove it wasn’t a mistake to give her a home. That her endless efforts weren’t meaningless. That Hoppit deserved to be more than a ‘pest.’
That Ceele was more than something she had no control over being.
She cleared her head a bit and started on the reason she came all this way. Her dress was rather easy to wash in the meandering water, and the trees provided a suitable place for it to dry in the sunlight and light breeze. The weeds were fine with a thorough rinse near in the shallows, but taking care of her own hygiene required her to wade farther in, though it only came up to her chest in the middle of the rill. Still, she could scrub off the soil and grime, which was all she really needed. Perhaps some simple soaps would help rid her of the pervasive black that stained her skin and scales, but that was beyond her meagre means for the time being, as well as being mere wishful thinking.
She worked past the dreary mindset that settled in when she allowed it, focusing on how serene the river was. The soft birdsong from the trees helped make for a peaceful experience, and she could feel the somewhat chilled liquid basically pour into the aches and pains throughout her body, washing away the stiffness from spending so long under the unerring sun. It was nice to escape reality and let thoughts drift while held buoyant by calmer waters.
Yet the bliss was short-lived. Even if winter was gone, spring was still far from warming the waters enough for her to laze about for too long. She dragged herself from the soft current and fetched her dress from the low-lying branch she left it to dry on. It was still a touch damp, but it wasn’t anything a bit of time in front of the fireplace wouldn’t fix.
Ceele was only a short distance away from home when she heard a gravelly male voice, but it was the flicker of sight between the trees that made her drop what was in her arms and lunge into a sprint.
Makis stood just outside the gardening shed, a ferrorabbit held at arm’s length by rusty crimson hands placed on the scruff and haunch, the rabbit’s little ears flattened as fear filled its tiny face. Her eyes widened further when she noticed the small stains of blood in his light brown fur. They found out about him. Ephemeral claws of blackness clutched at her soul, ripping the very fabric she was made of as an unseen beast smiled, eager to take yet one more thing from her. Her Hoppit. Her baby. Her everything.
“Hoppit!” she shrieked, her words all but tearing out of her throat in desperation. Frozen blood coursed through her veins, yet poured into exhausted limbs. She broke through the treeline with no regard for the branches slashing against her flesh, panic making each sting fade before it could be processed. The grizzled glare of the older kobold snapped towards her, his usual scowl picking up an actual air of intensity that she never thought could be absent, the promise of violence lurking in his eyes. She skidded to a stop a few paces away, the lump in her throat threatening to clog her airway. “S-stop hurting him!”
“Didn’t,” he barked back, his tone even yet firm. “Cuts ain’t me. I’d’a done worse if’a had ta mind ta.”
The blatant declaration snapped her from blind panic, although his apparent anger didn’t do her fear any favours. “B-but… Then how…”
“‘Hoppit.’ Named it, did’cha?” he grunted, ignoring her confusion and bobbing the rabbit to get her attention again. His gaze shifted back to the animal, the flames of ire cooling slightly. “I was wonderin’ why yer plots ain’t dead yet. Suppose this critter’s why.”
One of her hands hesitantly reached out until she pulled it back, while the other clutched at her chest to stop her heart from hammering against her ribs. She couldn’t act rashly. Not while her baby was in his arms. “I—”
“Soft thing, ain’t it,” the elder kobold commented curiously, cutting her off.
“Y-yes?” she returned reluctantly, struggling to stop herself from lashing out to reclaim the ferrorabbit in his grasp.
“Like fine silk.” Makis tipped and tilted the animal, inspecting this and that with a deep-seated frown, all while Hoppit silently looked to her for help. The pit in her stomach grew. She needed to get him back, but how?
Ceele swallowed the dense dread as she tried to formulate some sort of plan, stumbling over her words and forced smile. “I-it’s nice! Isn’t it nice?”
His eyes snapped back to burrow into her own with hatred. “Wasn’t a compliment, girly.”
“B-but you—”
He released Hoppit’s lower half to jab a claw at the various spikes around his body, plying them with minimal force. “Look. See this? These’r suppose ta break bone. ‘Specially when he’s stiff like this. Ain’t no way I should be able ta bend ‘em. He’s barely more than a walkin’ carcass—all skin ‘n stick. He’s gonna get picked up by a wandering pecker if he keeps pissin’ about out ‘ere. It’s a wonder he’s still kickin’. What’cha feeding ‘em?” His gaze dropped from her face to the rest of her, disgust curling his muzzle into a snarl. “N’ver mind. I can guess.”
She felt the dampness build at the edges of her vision, unprepared to not only worry for Hoppit's immediate health, but also to face such harsh criticism while she was so vulnerable. “I… I try to make sure he has…”
Makis crouched to release the ferrorabbit onto the ground, Ceele dropping to her knees the moment he did. The terrified lagomorph wasted no time, bolting towards his adoptive mother and leaping into her arms, shaking uncontrollably. The rust-coloured ‘bold stared as she started soothingly stroking the animal’s back.
“Yer given’ em the weeds, aren’t ya?” he stated rather than asked. She gave a teary nod when her voice wouldn’t respond for her. The old kobold drew a breath, letting it go in an exasperated sigh as he stood back up, his expression becoming more impatient than antagonistic. “What else?”
“I— Um…”
“What. Else?”
“W-whatever I c-can find!” she sputtered out. Hoppit tried to hide against her neck, prompting her to tighten her hold. She couldn’t stop herself from shrinking, the guilt and confusion pulling her head down. “R-roots, vegetables, fruits… I give them as often as I can.”
His glare continued unimpeded, his cadence cold. “That it?”
There were a million things Ceele wanted to say. A part of her wanted to beg him not to kick them out of the first safe place she had in longer than she could remember, but she couldn’t find the words. She wanted to deny the judgmental tone that stabbed into her insecurity surrounding how good of a job she was doing with Hoppit, but the deadened void in her chest swallowed her pride whole. She knew he was right to critique her. That she was failing in the only thing that mattered anymore. That the feeling of loss would return.
“I try,” she whispered through the beginnings of a sob. “I try to find more, but he needs someone around, and I have to work the garden, so there’s only so much time I can spend looking. He won’t even eat all of what I bring back…” Tears dripped off her cheeks as she aimed a desolate smile at her furry friend. “He wants to make sure I have some too.”
“Yer killin’ em,” Makis pointed out plainly, crossing his arms. “He’ll be dead ‘fore the summer at this rate.”
“I know!” she shouted, forcing back the memories of insidious murmurs that lurked in the back of her mind, eager to creep into her ears again. The hate-filled stares that followed her, the rumours that arrived in towns before she had the chance to make an impression, and the guilt that loomed over her like an executioner's axe… “I know I am… I just… I don’t know what he needs. I don’t know how to make him happy…but I try. I’m trying…”
“…Yer an idiot, girly.”
She looked up to see the elder kobold walking away without another word. Her eyes fell to Hoppit, the ferrorabbit pressing himself against her as much as he could. He was small, thin, soft, and growing weaker by the day, but he never let it keep him down for long. No, he always showed his best for her, giving her joy that wasn’t provided anywhere else. She saw the thin cuts and dried blood, though she didn’t know where they came from, nor how he got out of the shed in the first place. But that was okay. Hoppit was okay, and she had Hoppit, so everything was okay, right?
…But how much longer would everything stay okay? How much longer until her efforts weren’t enough, and she was left desperately reaching for fading memories of what once was? How much longer until she killed her baby too?
How much longer until she was alone again?
Soft footsteps drew near, pulling her from the spiralling thoughts that threatened to gnaw at her soul. Damp, blurry eyes fell on Makis returning with a small wooden crate, the older kobold stopping a few steps away. He dropped the box, a deep, rattling thud produced as it impacted the ground, making Hoppit flinch in her arms. Ceele blinked as she kept him calm, then blinked again, looking up at the man for answers.
“The name, girly,” he spat in irritation. “Ferrorabbit. Ther’ Earth aligned creatures; they need metals. They don’t care where they get it, but they need lots of it. Iron, copper, tin, lead—raw crystal, if they can find it. You name it, they’ll take a chunk out of it. It's why they bother farmers so much; the best soil’s usually top’a gem deposits, ‘n the little bastards have no issue burrowing deep to get it. Dries up the element’s energy ‘n makes the crops weak.”
Ceele’s mouth opened and closed, each unsuccessful attempt to speak making her feel smaller and smaller. More and more lost. Why was he telling her this? How did he know? What was in the—
He kicked the crate with the side of his foot. “Scraps. Don’t’cha look at me like that. I’m a smith, girly. I might be old and retired, but I still work a forge. Now, this ain’t anything pure—it’s just slag and hunks—but I’m sure the critter won’t mind. Your little gardenin’ project pays off, ‘n I’ll see which of my contacts can get in some better ore.”
She ripped her eyes away from the box and met the perpetual scowl of the old kobold, seeing a warmth behind the hostility that she had never noticed before. “…Why?”
He scoffed in amusement, which looked somewhat menacing on such a hardened expression. “Yer a touch stupid, girly, but the missus adores ya, ‘n yer a good worker.” A shadow of a smile formed on his face. “Hira spent more evenings asking ‘bout how the plots are doin’ than I got time in the day. She’d bite my head off if I noticed a critter like that sufferin’ and didn’t lend a hand. ‘Specially when it’s obvious you ain’t tryin’ ta hurt the thing.”
“B-but the garden… Isn’t he a problem?”
Makis rolled his eyes, turning with a dismissive wave of his hand. “If he was, he’da killed it by now. I’d say he’s been keepin’ the others clear ‘n got scratched up for the trouble. That’s more reason to feed ‘em right in my eyes; pay the poor bastard his dues.” He paused after a few steps, shooting her one last incredulous glance. “‘N the rabbit’s right. You’re not much better off than he is. Eat. Before the missus takes my head, preferably. I ain’t need ta hear her worryin’ over you more than I already do.”
And with that, he walked off back to the house, leaving Ceele to sit stunned on the ground with Hoppit quietly nuzzling into her.
“Hoppit…?”
The ferrorabbit perked an ear and gently licked her collar. Fresh tears ran rivulets down her face, yet they didn’t weigh her down. They felt freeing. She adjusted her hold on the rabbit and held him out, taking in the small cuts and numerous other injuries she had never noticed before. He stared back at her with worried eyes.
“You’ve been busy, huh?” she cooed quietly, doing her best to keep her voice from cracking. He shrunk in her hands. “I told you to stay home, baby. What if something happened to you? I wouldn’t know where you went, and…”
Her protests died out as she saw what was unmistakably guilt on his little face. She brought him back to her chest and cleared her throat.
“It’s alright, Hoppit. If… If you want to help momma, then we can work together, okay? Just…please don’t go off getting hurt… I don’t know what I’d do without you…” The rabbit didn’t reply, and she was pretty sure she had never heard him make any sounds that weren’t his happy little ear clacks, but she chose to interpret the nuzzling as an agreement. “Such a smart boy…”
She took a breath and wiped off the excess moisture from her cheeks, setting Hoppit down on the ground. “Let’s bring Mr. Makis’ gift in, and then I need to go get more water so we can clean you up, okay?”
He bounced his way to the door of their home, waiting patiently for her to lug the surprisingly heavy crate into the shed. He was even still behaving himself by the time she returned from picking up the things she dropped in her haste. There wasn’t a single protest from the ferrorabbit as she washed over his wounds with warm water, nor when she asked him to wait as she cut up a small salad for him using an extra portion of her rationed vegetables. Finally, once everything else was gone, she tentatively sifted through the box until she found a chunk of something that didn’t look so sharp, then offered it to Hoppit skeptically.
As startling as it was to see him bite through metal without issue, she couldn’t help but tear up again at how pleased he looked with the bizarre addition to his diet. He munched through the first piece, then stared at the box while pawing at the air, asking for more. She obliged through wet laughs, feeling lighter than she had since he first gazed at her from his burrow, alone and afraid, just like she was.
Her little baby was happy, and that made it okay.
Next
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A/N: Thank you to my Patrons, new and returning! No Thanks, Emmanuel, and Megathor join the others who get to read 1 chap ahead!

What are the most "compact", yet the most interesting Genesis loops? According to your personal judgement, of course. (Bringing up solo works by the members of the band is OK.)
What's a "compact loop"? It's a term I made up. A "loop" is a fragment of music which repeats at least two times in a row (the repetition doesn't have to be exact). And a "compact loop" is a loop which... 1. Which doesn't have many chords / note patterns. (The less it has, the better.) 2. Which contains two strongly emphasized contrasts of a certain kind. Contrasts in note pitch (high/low), note density (how many notes are played per second) or note duration (how long notes last). What counts as "strong enough" emphasis is subjective, but we can seek for examples with the strongest emphasis and we don't have to agree on every example. 3. Which establishes those contrasts in 10 seconds or less.
In simpler words, I'm looking for the shortest, simplest, most contrasting loops.
Do you need to know music theory to understand the definition above? No. It uses only the most basic concepts. And I'll be linking videos where you can see how a loop is played. Also, see "clarification" section at the end of the post.

Non-Genesis examples

First 14 seconds of Toxic by Britney Spears. Why is it a compact loop? * It fits in ~3 seconds. * Doesn't have many chords. * Emphasizes contrasts in pitch and note duration.
First 14 seconds of Eleanor Rigby by The Beatles. ~7 seconds loop, 2-4 chords in the entire song, emphasized contrasts in pitch and note duration.
Floods outro by Pantera (linking to a piano cover so you can see how it's played). There's a lot of chords, but mostly it's just 2 note patterns (one played by the right hand, another played by the left hand) repeated at different pitches. Those note patterns emphasize contrasts in pitch and note duration. Both contrasts can be heard in less than 10 seconds.
0:42 - 1:28 from The Great Marsh by Camel. Not many chords, emphasized contrasts in note density and note duration (between the keyboard and the wordless vocal).

Genesis examples

Silent Sorrow In Empty Boats (from 0:23 onward). Not many chords, emphasized contrasts in note density and note duration (short notes vs. long notes of the Mellotron choir).
Entangled, from 4:24 till the end. Similar to "Silent Sorrow", but it's kinda too complicated and too long for a compact loop.
First 33 seconds of The Fountain of Salmacis. Emphasized contrasts in pitch and note duration (long Mellotron "wave" sound vs. short underlying notes).
Unquiet Slumber For The Sleepers, e.g. 0:10 - 0:47. Emphasized contrasts in pitch and note duration.
Am I Very Wrong?, maybe, the intense music after choruses.
Powerhouse At the Foot of the Mountain (from 0:41 onward) by Peter Gabriel.

Counterexamples

Here's some examples which don't count as compact loop.
14:39 - 15:30 of Genesis' Supper's Ready preceding Apocalypse in 9/8. The loop is too complicated, too long.
Intro (up to 1:43) of Watcher Of The Skies by Genesis. Too many chords.

Clarification

What's a note?

It's a distinct sound.
A note can have length. For example, if you say "A-A-A-A-A..." it's a single long note.

What's a note pattern?

By a "note pattern" I mean a collection of notes with a simple shape. "Shape" on the note sheet or in the piano roll.

What are the simplest contrasts in music?

I'd say the simplest contrasts in music are related to pitch (high/low) and note density / note duration (how fast the hands of a player are moving).
I'm interested in loops where those simplest contrasts are emphasized.

P.S.

When a compact loop contains certain "triggers", I experience a weird psychological effect. If you think you may be experiencing it too, please let me know. Here's Genesis loops which give me the strongest effect: The Fountain of Salmacis, Entangled (despite not being very compact), Watcher Of The Skies (but it's too dissonant and not very compact). Non-Genesis examples of the effect: Waking The Witch (up to 1:18) by Kate Bush, first 30 seconds of Electricity (Dr. Rockit's Dirty Kiss) by The Avalanches and Matthew Herbert, Be Forever by Piknik (first 30 seconds).

This is a game, not meant to be taken too seriously.
YOU are playing the role of God in this game. The objective is to Humble the adults who have to switch families for 2 weeks (14 days). You have to take the extreme personality of an obnoxious vlogger adult (preferably 25yrs or older), find their weaknesses and strengths, who they would pair well with and learn some valuable life lessons that they would later apply to their own family dynamics. No one can abandon ship to "visit in the day time, stay at a local hotel at night" due to interpersonal conflicts, a situation repeated many times in the ABC show "wife swap". No one is allowed to abuse or cause hypothetical harm to the vlogger adults, their own spouses, the children, etc.
Examples: trade a camera-whore parent of too many kids (5-10kids) with a camera-avoidant parent who has 1-4 kids. It can be either a husband or a wife. It can be an lgbtq couple or a straight couple. It can also be the two oldest 18-25yr old siblings who still live at home but are obviously parentified as the 3rd parent to their siblings. It can also be a reality TV parent (teen mom OG, tlc shows, etc) who does YouTube vlogging when their camera crews are off the clock. If the vlogging adult of your choice has had a history of engaging inappropriately with minors or substance abuse, they are not allowed to be in this game (i.e. Tyson Gardner, Logan Paul, Colleen Ballinger, Jared Mecham, Mama June, Katie&Cullen Brotherton, Austin and Catherine McBroom, etc).
I'll start: Take stressed-out girl-dad Adam Busby (of TLC's OutDaughtered), and trade him with Peet Montzingo. Yes, while both men are equally problematic in their own fame and money seeking ways, I think that the both of them could highly benefit from a new family dynamic they haven't encountered before, and could be humbled by the little things of every day life.

Content Warning: This story contains themes of mental health issues, suicide and physical violence.
Prosopagnosia v. Cotard's Syndrome
My new doctor - a bright and friendly guy named Sarbjit - took the time to explain his diagnosis to me. He told me my condition was mental, not physical, but it was hard to pay attention to everything he said because my left arm was numb and rotting from the inside out. I smiled and nodded and then when I got home I looked up Cotard’s Syndrome online. Here is what Wikipedia had to say on it.
“Cotard's syndrome, also known as ‘Cotard's delusion’ or ‘Walking Corpse Syndrome’, is a rare mental disorder in which the affected person holds the delusional belief that they are dead, do not exist, are putrefying, or have lost their blood or internal organs.”
I don’t know. Sounded extremely strange to me. I just knew my left arm was dying. Maybe my liver too. I used my right arm, the good one, to open my mail. Most of it was just the normal stuff but when I saw the letter from the Supreme Court of the State of New York I got a little worried. I was here legally - a citizen for almost ten years now - and I knew my rights but being summoned to testify at this criminal trial was a bit unnerving. I didn’t like it. I just try to do my best in this life and mind my own business and not cause problems for others.
When my trial appearance date arrived two months later I took the subway downtown and left my assistant, Stavvy, in charge of the office that day. I sat there on a hard wooden bench in the courtroom all morning listening to the testimony of other witnesses but I wasn’t called to the stand until sometime after we returned from lunch. Eventually, the lawyer for the defense called my name.
She mispronounced it of course - people here always mispronounce Albanian names - so I wasn’t surprised when she called me Mister Shka-Rell-Eee. My surname is Shkreli, after the place where my family comes from, and the proper pronunciation contains only two syllables - Shkrell-Eee. I was trying to hold my left arm in place when she asked her opening question.
Where was I at the time of the murder?
“Well, Miss Anderson” - I pronounced it Ahnd-REE-Sawn, drawing out the first and last syllables while placing too much emphasis on the middle one, intentionally - “I am not entirely certain. That was over a year ago and I travel all around this city on a daily basis for my job. I work in computer repair and IT support and I have customers in all five boroughs.” (This wasn’t exactly true. I wasn’t really willing to travel to Staten Island.) We had spoken four months earlier when she informed me of the questions she intended to ask at trial but I was fairly oblique then and I intended to remain so now. I had bigger problems. Could these people not see that my left arm was rotting away?
She looked at me with a furrowed brow and briskly walked back to the defense table, picked up a leather-bound notepad and opened it.
“Mister Shkreli, when you and I spoke on June 18th you confirmed that you were just leaving a client’s office, TRG Commercial Realty, located at 223 Broome Street here in lower Manhattan at approximately 3:30pm that day, shortly before the incident at issue took place less than one block away. Is that not correct?”
I turned up my native eastern European accent a bit and repositioned my left arm in my lap. I could barely feel it at that point. What was wrong with these people?
“If you say so. Like I said, that was over a year ago and it was just another workday for me.”
She stared at me for a beat or two longer than necessary and then flashed a quick look towards the jurors before continuing.
“Well yes, Mister Shkreli” - again it was Shka-Rell-Eee - “You did tell me that and I do have a recording of our conversation, which you consented to before we began, if the court would like this to be entered into evidence?”
She looked at the judge and the judge looked at me.
“Mister Shkreli,” - he too pronounced it Shka-Rell-Eee - ‘Are you refuting the testimony that Miss Anderson is referencing during your preliminary deposition or can we just move on at this point? If counsel for the defense claims to have this recording I am fairly certain this is true. Will it be necessary to enter this recording into evidence at this time or are you willing to acknowledge Miss Anderson’s claim?”
I repositioned my left arm in my lap and nodded.
“That’s fine, Your Honor. As I said, it was just another workday for me but if Miss Anderson says that is what we discussed I am sure she is probably right.”
The judge nodded back at me. “Very good. Let’s proceed then.”
Miss Anderson walked back to the defense table and dropped the leather-bound notepad before continuing with her final question for me, looking annoyed.
“Picking up where we left off, Mister Shkreli, can you please describe for the court what happened immediately after you left the offices of TRG Commercial Realty at 223 Broome Street on the date in question, October 22nd of last year?”
I didn’t like the way that she was trying to fence me in but I wasn't particularly concerned. I had bigger problems.
“Well, like I said, I don’t really remember that day. There was nothing memorable about it. It was just another day.”
She stared at me for a few seconds then flashed a quick look at the jury box with her eyebrows raised before returning her attention to the judge. “No more questions, Your Honor.”
I was dismissed from the stand but asked to remain in the courtroom as she called her next witness; a small, frail woman from Queens about my same age named Maureen Stewart. She had an odd, twitchy nature about her. I wanted to get home. I wanted to relax.
“Miss Stewart, can you please tell the court where you were on October 22nd of last year at approximately 3:30 in the afternoon?”
The witness looked down for a moment and then glanced towards the judge before removing the slightly confused look from her face and responding in a semi-automated tone.
“Yes, Miss Anderson. At that time, I was just leaving my day shift at the FedEx Office Store (she pronounced it ‘Staw’ in her thick New York accent) on Broome Street and I was walking towards the station for the Six Train to begin my ride back home.”
The attorney for the defense took a momentary pause and then asked her next question.
“And can you please tell us what happened then?”
The witness looked down again and then looked back at the judge, then the jury and, finally, at me. I didn’t like the way she looked at me.
“Yes, as I was leaving my workplace I crossed the street and I remember walking past the entrance to a narrow alleyway where I heard a commotion taking place. It made me stop and look for a second or two but I didn’t want to get involved so I just kept on walking towards the subway and I didn’t think too much about the whole thing until the Homicide detectives contacted me a few days later after they pulled the security camera videos. I came down to the police station the day after that and gave my statement. That was just over a year ago.”
Miss Anderson took a moment to stare at me. I didn’t like that either. I adjusted my left arm in my lap. It was completely numb.
“Thank you, Miss Stewart. Can you please be a bit more specific about what you saw occurring in that alleyway?”
Again, the witness looked down at the floor and then her eyes shot all around the courtroom before she responded.
“Well,” she said, before taking a brief pause. “At first I thought it was just a little scuffle but when I saw the shorter man in the black jacket punch the tall man in the belly a few times I saw some blood starting to spread on the side of his white button-down shirt and I saw what looked like a small knife or something in the shorter man’s hand. The tall thin man looked like he was starting to fall. I remember looking around for a police officer but I certainly wasn’t gonna do anything about it by myself. I mean, what could I do? When I didn’t see no one who could help I just kept on walking towards the subway. I guess I should have done more but I was scared and I just wanted to get back to Forest Hills to pick up my daughter from daycare before five o’clock.”
I glanced at the defendant seated at the table on the left. He looked both hopeful and nervous at the same time, but in a subtle way, like he didn’t want to appear to be either. He kept his head down and never once glanced towards the jury box. Miss Anderson asked her final question.
“Thank you, Miss Stewart. And do you see the man in the black jacket who stabbed the victim, Mister Baronston, on that day last October here in the courtroom now?”
Again the witness looked down at the floor between her feet for a moment and then looked back up, right at me. I felt my blood stop flowing through my veins, or at least through my left arm and the top of my right leg, when she raised up her hand and pointed her index finger at me.
“It was that man, there,” she said.
Miss Anderson nodded and paused for a moment, satisfied, letting it sink in for the jury members. I was stunned. The stylish defense attorney in the toney, expensive clothing began walking back in my direction and she too pointed an accusatory finger.
“If it pleases the court, let the record show that Miss Stewart has identified Mister Jack Shkreli as the attacker who she witnessed in the-”
Just then the witness on the stand, Miss Stewart, pointed her finger at the judge without really looking at him and suddenly blurted out, “Or him. It might have been him too. I’m not 100% sure...”
Miss Anderson paused, clearly nonplussed, and just stared at her witness. The judge also looked baffled for a second or two and then leaned over and whispered something to his court assistant and the two of them shared a quiet smirk.
Then the witness pointed at one of the jurors, a man in the front row about my size.
“Or him. It could have been him. I’m just not sure...” Then she went silent, as did the rest of the courtroom for a few moments. The State’s Attorney, a heavy-set bald man, broke the silence pretty quickly as he rose to his feet.
“Your Honor, the State would like to move to dismiss this witness along with all previous testimony.” He paused briefly and took a deep breath, choosing his next words.
“While we appreciate Miss Stewart’s willingness to appear at trial today, I think it’s clear that her recollection of events is…uncertain at best.” He glared at the defense table for a moment, then added “I’d just like to remind the court that Mister Shkreli” - and God bless him, he pronounced my two-syllable surname correctly - “is not on trial here and if this witness cannot distinguish the man she saw that day from yourself or a random member of our jury panel I don’t think we can accept this testimony or any further testimony from this witness.”
He hung his head respectfully, with the tiniest little smile on his face. He already knew he had won this argument and the judge quickly agreed, telling the jury to disregard what they just heard. Miss Stewart was dismissed from the stand and the defense had no other witnesses left to call. Less than two hours later the jury returned a guilty verdict against the defendant on all counts and the courtroom was cleared. The sentencing hearing would take place at a later date and I was not required to be there. My right leg was starting to feel numb by then but I still managed to get back to the office in time for Stavvy to head home at the end of his shift to make dinner for his kids. His wife was killed in a car accident two years earlier. He was a hard worker and I really liked him.
That night, back at my apartment, I did some research online and learned about a rare mental disorder known as Prosopagnosia. Here is what Wikipedia had to say.
Prosopagnosia, also known as face blindness, is a cognitive disorder of face perception in which the ability to recognize familiar faces, including one's own face (self-recognition), is impaired, while other aspects of visual processing (e.g. object discrimination) and intellectual functioning remain intact.
It all sounded pretty strange to me but if the doctors say it’s real who am I to argue? Apparently it is well documented in the DSM-5. I don’t know if this is the reason why I was able to walk away from the courtroom without consequence at first but I think it is the most likely explanation. I only know that when I left my client’s offices at TRG Commercial Realty on that day just over a year ago and hailed a cab I was stunned and confused when Mister Baronston, a complete stranger with a hostile face, suddenly attacked me, claiming that it was his cab and not mine.
He was bigger than me, tall and thin but strong, and I would have just given up the cab and caught the next one but he was clearly already very angry about something. When he backed me towards the alley, shoving me and then punching me around my head and neck, my backpack tumbled open and I saw my wallet and phone and some other items come crashing out onto the pavement. It was just a stupid and unnecessary altercation, the kind of thing that probably happens on the streets of this city every day, sadly. Too many people, not enough space. I did my best to fight back and protect myself but he was a good deal bigger than me.
Then I was getting punched some more and thrown against the alley wall as people passed by, disinterested, and I just instinctively reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out the pen knife that has been attached to my keychain for years. Before I really knew what was happening it was open and then my right hand was growing warm and red and slick with his blood. Then I was moving again, not looking back.
What an odd thing. I remember seeing Miss Stewart stopping there on the sidewalk to look from the mouth of the alley that day. Of all the passers-by, she was the only one who paused to look at us, at me, right as I desperately punctured Mister Baronston’s rib cage for the fifth or sixth time with my little penknife and he began to drop, but she averted her gaze after a few seconds and moved on and then I was rapidly heading in the opposite direction. This is a huge city and I never expected to see her face again. Fortunately, she was apparently never really able to see mine.
Anyway, I have more important problems to worry about at this time. Stavvy received a letter from the Manhattan DA’s office yesterday ordering him to appear at a grand jury hearing next month related to my involvement in Mister Baronston’s death. He showed it to me. More importantly, my left arm is just about gone now, my right leg is quickly starting to feel the same way and in just the last day or two I have begun feeling that strange tingling sensation in the tips of the fingers on my right hand. I know my liver is failing. It won’t be long now.
I scheduled a meeting with my lawyer in the morning to legally put the business and the rest of my assets in Stavvy’s name in my will. I have no family here anyway and almost no relatives who I remain close with back in Albania or Montenegro anymore. Stavvy is a good man and he has kids to feed and I have already lived a full life.
So yes, I will just leave it all to him and after that’s done I think I will get the old Ford minivan that we sometimes still use for the business and drive it out to the George Washington Bridge while I am still able. I know that when I stop it and get out and leave it there on the center-span I will screw up traffic badly and inconvenience a lot of people but I can’t worry about that. I have to do what I have to do. There’s no point in waiting for this to get worse. I can barely feel the fingers on my right hand and I don’t have much time left.
Maybe I should have told the truth at the trial. I don’t know. I think I was just too distracted by all of my health problems. I didn’t really have any choice at the time. I don’t have any choice now. I’m actually surprised that I lasted this long. I was certain that I would already be gone a few months ago but I feel I have done my best with this life.
As my people back in Albania say, Mos pyet si vdiq, por si rrojti!
“Do not ask how he died, but how he lived!”
THE END

I (M30) teach at Kids Church in my local church. A class of varying numbers, absolutely lovely children and a great church.
This is not a dating relationship but a professional one.
Per the Churchs practises, we teach in pairs. My teaching partner (F25), I find, is a bit controlling - which I noted in our first ever training session together after she bulldozed through what I was saying in response to a question with a monologue of her own. We have been teaching together for about 7 weeks.
I was taken aback but didnt think much of it until today.
We generally rotate who does the talk and the bible study and today, it was my turn. We're following the Ephesians if that helps.
I wrote my notes, step by step for the lesson - some brief comprehension and discussion questions (total 4) followed by a group activity of sorting out traits of the old life and the new life on the e-whiteboard - by Friday, shared them with her, and continued on with my own life.
Today, We run the games, the memory verse and finally we get around to the teaching - I start them off reading the bible passage, two verses at a time, and get to the first comprehension question.
I will admit, it slightly went off topic, as we were explaining the meaning of particular words (Deceitful, sensualities, etc) after the first question, but eventually we were got to the second question, a lead up to the activity of finding phrases from the passage about the ways of the old life and the new life.
She gets up, talks directly over me, and then takes over the class for the rest of the time - and I didnt want to make a scene by calling her out in front of the kids. It also came as a shock of some sort - in my professional life, I dont think anyone has ever interrupted me in this manner - and it wasnt until I left that it kind of wore off.
A few hours later, she sent me this message:
"Hi Beneficial, just wanted to say sorry I didn’t mean to jihack [sic] your teaching today - I was noticing the kids not understanding and just jumped in but definitely could’ve communicated better with you as it was happening sorry if you felt undercut at all - keen to keep growing as we teach the kids together and very thankful for so many signs of the inward work God’s doing in the kid’s hearts "
I would like to accept the apology gracefully with the following short message:
Hi ,
I was not expecting an apology, and I accept it.
**Questions:
is it too short? Does it not set a strong boundary? ***It does not ring authentic as an apology to me
What would you write?

I (M30) teach at Kids Church in my local church. A class of varying numbers, absolutely lovely children and a great church.
Per the Churchs practises, we teach in pairs. My teaching partner (F25), I find, is a bit controlling - which I noted in our first ever training session together after she bulldozed through what I was saying in response to a question with a monologue of her own.
I was taken aback but didnt think much of it until today.
We generally rotate who does the talk and the bible study and today, it was my turn. We're following the Ephesians if that helps.
I wrote my notes, step by step for the lesson - some brief comprehension and discussion questions (total 4) followed by a group activity of sorting out traits of the old life and the new life on the e-whiteboard - by Friday, shared them with her, and continued on with my own life.
Today, We run the games, the memory verse and finally we get around to the teaching - I start them off reading the bible passage, two verses at a time, and get to the first comprehension question.
I will admit, it slightly went off topic, as we were explaining the meaning of particular words (Deceitful, sensualities, etc) after the first question, but eventually we were got to the second question, a lead up to the activity of finding phrases from the passage about the ways of the old life and the new life.
She gets up, talks directly over me, and then takes over the class for the rest of the time - and I didnt want to make a scene by calling her out in front of the kids. It also came as a shock of some sort - in my professional life, I dont think anyone has ever interrupted me in this manner - and it wasnt until I left that it kind of wore off.
A few hours later, she sent me this message:
"Hi Beneficial, just wanted to say sorry I didn’t mean to jihack [sic] your teaching today - I was noticing the kids not understanding and just jumped in but definitely could’ve communicated better with you as it was happening sorry if you felt undercut at all - keen to keep growing as we teach the kids together and very thankful for so many signs of the inward work God’s doing in the kid’s hearts "
I would like to accept the apology gracefully with the following short message:
Hi ,
I was not expecting an apology, and I accept it.
**Questions:
is it too short? Does it not set a strong boundary? ***It does not ring authentic as an apology to me
What would you write?

Number	Question	Answer	Topics	Answer Link
1	Can we expect a collaboration with an Anime series or a cartoon ?	Is there any particular series you'd love to see us collaborate with?	Anime Collaboration	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7demrc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
2	When will u make more archer queen skins with the feet out	There's a wonderful deco we have coming out in July I think you'll love!	AQ Feet Decoration	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dqqd1/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
3	I'm actually really curious about this one.. whats the reason behind the decision to implement such game changing balance changes in the middle of cwl?	We wanted to get the balance changes out before the June update but we ran late on getting them finished. It's unfortunate and we'll try and avoid this in future.	Balance Changes Timing	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dcap3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
4	What does the future of builder base look like?It seems we went silent yet again after rework. Also now that versus battle has been removed, is there any scope for clan based event for builder base?	Although we're proud of the work we did with the BB2.0 update and made its core gameplay much more fun, I think we still didn't answer the question of what is the Builder Base is for and why couldn't we just do the cool stuff there in the Home Village. And that's something we need to figure out still. In the meantime we felt the focus on Builder Base and Clan Capital in the last few years had come at the expense of long overdue improvements on the Home Village, so we decided to focus this year just on the Home Village.	Builder Base and Clan Capital	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dnl9n/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
5	Will there be something new in Builder Base or Clan Capital related to Main village that will urge players to play more Builder Base and Clan Capital. Currently we have - Builder Base - Gear Up,Gem Mine Clan Capital - Raid Medal for Reinforcement and Trader shop	We're not sure on the team if this is really the right way to proceed. We don't want players to play BB and CC just to get a benefit in the Home Village. That's not respectful of your time and it's unclear if it's better for the game. We're still thinking about how these three parts should relate in future.	Builder Base and Clan Capital Integration	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dpdyz/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
6	Hey Stuart! Im a th15 strategic rusher and I was wondering: -are going to be ways to catch up with ores if you missed out on events in the past? I got back to playing clash about 3 month ago, just after fireball equipment so I used my saved up gems to buy gg fa and fb. -is it possible to add all epic equipment in new events so that people that missed out could get them without spending 1500 gems? Make them the same price as the new epic so that you can catch up by buying the pass or extra event resources.	Hey welcome back! For making equipment available, we have talked about having a selection of epic equipment for medals as you described. But the pricing and when we haven't decided yet.	Catching Up with Missed Events	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dc4qj/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
7	Hi Stuart, Apologize if some of these have been already asked. Feel free to answer any or all: 1: Any plans to address that annoying "Clan name covering up inferno mode glitch"? There's workarounds for regular wars but in legends and when attacking you really need to zoom in and even then it's hard to tell. 2: Any possibility of changing replays so that they show the real time relative to the attacker? For example, if my clanmate clutched out an attack with 1 second left the replay won't really show that (unless you're counting the full 3 minutes from the start) 3: Continuing on with replays, is there any possibility of an updated UI to show which hero equipment are being used? This is moreso for when you're on youtube or some other media player and can't click on the hero to see. This would be a great addition for spectators of esports for clash 4: Will there be any more updates for the tutorial levels? Those could go a long way for some of the newer players. They could even teach "fundamentals" rather than full-on attacks. 5: Last question, more of a curiosity: What is the tiebreaker for war weight when 2 players are the exact same. Subsequently, what is the tiebreaker for when 2 clanmates both have 4,000 clan games points, and also when they both have the same number of stars/destruction for cwl? Cheers!	Not sure it exactly solves your problem but we have a feature coming up in the June update that maybe helps a bit with your annoyance with Clan names. It'll let you tap on anything to see its range, level and mode more clearly.	Clan Name Covering Glitch	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dnyb7/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
8	Will there be new Perks for Clan Levels? Like Level 20 Clan having Perks of donation level +3.	We're extremely unlikely to introduce new functional perks but possibly some cosmetic perks might come at some point.	Clans	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7d3cwv/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
9	Will there be any member space increase for Clans? May be 60/70?	Probably not.	Clans	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7d8wne/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
10	Hi Stuart! More and more communities are growing around clash of clans, from clan families/alliances to community esports groups. Being heavily involved in both, are there any plans to help expand and support these types of communities? Recent QoL changes have been great on both fronts (updated chat, friendly wars during regular wars). Just curious if anything else is on the horizon. Very excited for an update on in-game recruitment as well. Current systems outside of the game are difficult to navigate as a large group.	On families/alliances. We still want to focus on the individual Clan experience with more changes and improvements before thinking about how families/alliances might work. On recruitment I answered that in another question.	Clans, Alliances	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7d9nae/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
11	I just looked at the image you posted a bit closer and the posters in the background seem to be from the clash fest mini games :0. Is there any chance those games will return at some point? I personally really liked them, especially the kart one	Let's see what we do for our next big anniversary when we turn 15 in 2027!	Clash Fest Mini Games	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dlyka/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
12	Star Wars X Clash of Clans collab possible?	Which Star Wars character would you want to see each Hero skinned as?	Collaborations	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7d548t/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
13	Hey Stuart, how do you see the competitive scene shaping up in Clash this year at Worlds? Will we see similar 3 star rates?	In another post I talked about the Hard Mode we're introducing. We'll work with the competitive scene and others to tune the difficulty there so we have a Worlds as exciting as last year.	Competitive Scene	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7ddk9l/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
14	Are Supercell affiliated content creators with creator codes allowed to speak their mind about Supercell games? I've always wondered if they are allowed to cover certain issues and say negative things about Supercell games.	Yes, and lots of our creators do bring up issues they hear from their audiences and it's always super useful to us when they do.	Content Creator Freedom	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dm5q4/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
15	Is there any consideration towards giving the Air Sweeper new levels that are either purely cosmetic to match the base, or perhaps have a very minor hit point upgrade and a new cosmetic design? It matches pretty well with TH16 currently, but not with multiple town halls before that and probably not with most future town halls.	Yeah we've had considered the cosmetic/HP only Air Sweeper levels a few times on the team but it always felt like an unsatisfying upgrade. We also briefly experimented with giving the Air Sweeper an extra damage effect BUT we didn't find something that was meaningful without killing certain air strategies.	Cosmetic Upgrades	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dlmdw/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
16	What's the big update team is working on? Like Clan War League,Clan Capital was being worked on since long time.	Currently we're working on a mix of more medium sized things than another megaproject like Clan Capital. That's working better for us to bring y'all improvements and cool things steadily. Capital took about two years of development and that was a bit much, especially given how small the team was then.	Current Projects	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dd2t6/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
17	Hello Stuart, I have 2 questions I want to ask you about CWL. Is there a reason why in CWL there can only be 15 people or 30 people at once participating in rounds? And is there plans to make options for 20 to 25 people participating in CWL (Below champions league), to be a thing in the future?	It basically comes down to making sure we have enough Clans at different sizes in each League for things to behave sensibly. That's the reason we didn't extend the 30 size group into Champions League. It's something we've talked about making more flexible but no concrete commitment yet sorry!	CWL	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7d5mzz/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
18	Hi Stuart, are there plans to add more leagues above Champions 1 to CWL, like Titan 3 etc? Also, any plans to add tiers on the Legend League based on trophies?	More CWL leagues and multiplayer leagues is something we've discussed doing but there's no concrete plan for when that might happen. With Legends League there's many different reasons people are there and it currently isn't so well serving all of those needs from folk seeking the best competition, to folk who are just very active ending up there. We need to think how this could work better for everyone.	CWL, Multiplayer	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7d2mg4/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
19	when will we get epic equipment for Royal Champion?	Soon!	Epic Equipment for Royal Champion	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dc6a3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
20	Hi! I believe this will be a great opportunity to ask this question! For the future of Clash of Clans, since there are now many event troops added to the game, will there be a possibility to add a barrack for those troops? As bases gets more and more complex throughout the updates, having a bigger variety for attacks would not only encourage players to play more, but also to have a crazier and more amazing attacks to watch in the pro scene! I do understand that some event troops may be OP, so some could be reworked/nerfed and it could work similar to the super troop barrack, where you can only activate a certain amount of those troops	One of the things we like about event troops is that they're only around for a short while. That lets us go a bit wilder and weirder sometimes than if something was gonna be in the game forever. Sorry to disappoint but it's very unlikely we'd let people use event troops "out of season". Maybe if we had the equivalent of a "creative" mode we could let players try out all the chaos though? Then there's no worries about balance.	Event Troops, Game Modes	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7d8ry0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
21	yo nice to see you chatting with the public whats your fav hero?	Currently it's the AQ but I think some of the new hero concepts we've playtested have the potential to dethrone her.	Favorite Hero	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7ddxuw/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
22	Can we have Final Fantasy theme including all heroes’ skins?	Which Final Fantasy characters would you want to see skins for each Hero as?	Final Fantasy Collaboration	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dn5g5/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
23	Is archer queen freaky?	Not as freaky as the way some of you out there talk about her feet 🙈	Freaky Archer Queen	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7depw3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
24	Hi Stewart! Few Q’s for you, appreciate whatever you’re able to get around to answering. State of the game: How do you envision the state of esports going forward & how do you plan to tackle the current state of balance - for example are there any plans to create a separate balance state for players competing in leagues / tournaments & how far would this extend to everyday areas of the game? i.e cwl / legends / war Both wars & legend league have remained largely unchanged since their inception & whilst they’re both still enjoyable cornerstones of the game, they’ve grown to become repetitive / stale in their current format at times - does the team have any plans to breathe new life into these modes? QoL: Obstacles that have been previously moved with a shovel but are not currently stashed are required to be re-placed every time you open a new layout through the link feature. Would it be possible to change this so that they remain fixed in position by default? Any plans to revamp donating to make it less awkward so that you’re not required to manually retrain & drag & delete your army every time you donate? i.e some sort of auto-queue feature Could we see more skin randomiser customisation options / presets in future? i.e a day / night scenery randomiser & a toggle for matching hero skins & sceneries? Any plans to finish pre-existing skin lines? eg. clockwork champ I’d love to have the option to listen to the ambient scenery background sounds unique to each scenery w/o the scenery music, is this something you’d consider implementing if feasible? Furthermore some of the older sceneries lack custom scenery music - is something you plan to extend to the rest of them?	So many questions. I'll answer the first one! We're planning to introduce an optional Hard Mode that can be used for Friendly Challenges and Friendly Wars. This will be introduced in our June update. The exact settings of what that mode will be are still TBD and the plan is to make further adjustments to it based on community feedback. It would be used for the world finals this year. We'll think about if and how we might use this in other areas of the game. The skill gap in our players is extremely wide. Some are wanting a really tough experience while others, who are still very loyal active players are looking for something more chill. It was clear from TH15 that we overshot the mark on what that more casual audience were looking for. We're hoping to give players more choice in difficulty and their experience in future.	Friendly Challenges, Competitive Play	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7d4bwv/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
25	Hello Stuart. How come your team has decided to nerf the defence at th10-th15 even when the game has already been made easier in December 2023? Surely with the new hero equipment which gave a massive boost to the heroes the game didn't need to get any easier right? I am asking since there was a big backlash after the first wave of defence nerfs so nerfing the defences for a second time wouldn't that make the game too easy for those who are looking for a challenge? Lastly, will there anything be added to clash of clans in the future to those who would like a challenge? Like a challenge mode to clan wars (one attack clan wars or clan wars that remain the same but with buffed defence or restricted cc etc). Thank you so much for hosting this AMA Stuart and I wish your team the best when it comes to developing clash of clans in the future.	We have set targets on the 3 star rates we'd like to see at different Town Halls. As we add more Town Halls and speed up the progression, what used to be the endgame hardest content ends up actually turning up pretty early in player's time with the game. Town Hall 12 actually had the 2nd lowest 3 star rate for a while recently. So we will always need to go make adjustments to get things back on track. Part of the long-term solution here is also to build better tools for players to learn better strategies. The game actually does a terrible job of making that discoverable right now without going outside of the game and watching creator videos. We'd definitely want to improve on this and happy to hear people's ideas on what might work here. I've posted elsewhere about our Hard Mode idea we're testing out for those looking for a harder challenge. Hopefully this lets players tune their experience better, and we hope in the long-run we can help more players level up their skills and enjoy the game's full challenges.	Game Balance, Competitive Play	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7d7l83/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
26	Do you like the way the game is going?	Yes. I wish I could time travel a few years in the future to bring you back all the cool stuff we've been talking about on the team. But unfortunately that's not possible. More than doubling the size of the team last year was tough and it gave us a bunch of issues. Unfortunately some of those spilled out to you all in the form of more bugs/oversights than we would have wanted. But we've improved our processes and the bigger team is needed for us to improve the game. I think we are doing more at once than we've managed in the past so we can bring you that dream future version faster. Thanks for the patience bearing with us while we get there.	Game Direction	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dekep/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
27	Why isn't there a mechanic that incentives game time or time on app? As an active player, I am almost always ONLY waiting for builders and almost always with full storages (or close enough that there's zero point doing anything). It actually incentivizes me to play less or not at all. Why not a small builder boost per attack star earned (relative to league placement)? Eg. if you 3 star a base in Titan, you get a 10 minute builder boost or something. Seems counterintuitive to voluntarily limit play time and time on app. There should be some reward, even small, for wanting to play more.	Our timers are too long and we are working to bring them down. We agree too often active people get blocked with nothing to do by timers. But we also don't want those active players to run out of things to upgrade and are playing for. So we want to introduce more systems to the game that let us add more to do and play for. It'll take time to build those systems but as we have more of them our average timers will shrink. At the same time at Supercell we don't believe infinite play time is healthy for players in the long run either. So having timers and similar mechanics is needed somewhat. We don't want Clash to be a game where people feel they have to play X hours a day, as that discourages people from even trying it.	Game Timer Balance	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7doxrf/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
28	How are you	I'm pretty good. Thanks for asking. It's been fun answering questions. How are you?	General Well-being	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dnr1h/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
29	Why did you remove the little grass overlay from th16 buildings? They look like they float now. This is what it looks like in buildings for th15 and below. Can you bring it back please?	The grass overlays looked really odd on those smoother floored sceneries (Shadow Scenery). But the floatiness on grass sceneries without em isn't ideal. We're trying to figure out a technical solution that won't involve having double the download size of all our buildings.	Grass Overlay Issue	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dddfg/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
30	Can you colab with gundam please?	Maybe a mecha PEKKA?	Gundam Collaboration	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dq1r4/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
31	I just came to say hello.	👋	Hello	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dqt2x/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
32	Are there or any plans at all to improve heroes? Like I wanna be able to still use heroes whilst they're upgrading. I think that speeds up or atleast makes the process feel just a bit better.	Yes. We've got a plan to try something out in the summer. Hope you like it!	Heroes, Quality of Life	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7d7p0g/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
33	Why Archer Towers,Cannons are not getting new level in Th16?	We plan to eventually merge them all away into Multi-Archer Towers and Ricochet Cannons. But we didn't want to drop the number of buildings too much from TH15 to TH16. So it might take a bit. Apologies to those disturbed by the disharmony in the aesthetics!	Home Village	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7d1ej0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
34	As per latest report, coc would be releasing new townhall level after every 12 month. Even though there are curs being made at cost or time for upgrades, for low level townhall catching up sure seems impossible. And walls after th14 is a nightmare unless the game has already been beaten. How would this be addressed? 2. Due to the limited size of home Village, with new Townhall levels, there will be limited building that can be added, there's not much fun in it, if new buildings or elements don't come in from time to time right? How will this be addressed	We will keep up with cost and time cuts to upgrades in order to help lower level folk catch up. We have quite a big set coming in our June update. I agree Wall costs are a bit silly and we should probably think again. Originally they were a bit of a stretch goal for loot to get sunk in. But maybe the game doesn't need that now there's more things to do. Our plan is to use merging more in future to keep the number of buildings in the Village reasonable. That gives us the space to introduce more new buildings with future Town Hall releases. Our current thinking is new defenses are exciting for a few Town Halls and then become less interesting. So your village should always be filled with relatively new and interesting defenses, even if that means sadly waving goodbye to that first Cannon you upgraded way back when you started.	Home Village	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7d28ac/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
35	Hi Stuart, Any hints/clues you could give the community for TH17? And how is the progress going on with the TH17 project, have you decided a theme, signature defence, possible new hero etc...? Thank you!	We've decided on the theme. And we're maybe 80% sure we're gonna merge the Eagle Artillery into the Town Hall so we move on from infernoy beams after 4 Town Halls with that. But don't worry, we'll come up with something new and signaturey (though we don't know what is yet)	Home Village	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7d4qi3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
36	Hi Stuart! Thanks for the Q+A, I had a few questions myself. Is merging required to upgrade to TH17? is this the plan from now on when creating new THs? That everything has to be merged to get new buildings? Clash thrives on a social battlefront, and I knew I have more fun in clans with my friends, it can make any grind less tedious. But it has always felt like it was lacking that little bit EXTRA you know? Some possible updates that my friends have made up were: Self Clan Wars: Start a quick war within your own clan to practice without the stress of needing a 3 star every time. It could be a separate tab, similar as to how you can see prep day for the following day in CWL. An auto-Donate replacement feature (can be toggled on and off), where the troop you donate is instantly remade and shuffled to the front, would be a nice QoL change This sounds really stupid, but like, maybe a friendly mode where you can attack with modifiers to spice it up. IE: Defenses do 1.5x damage BUT you have 10 xtra spell slots, or the defensive targeting is switched. just stupid crap like that can bring a little life into an attack. I'm so glad you are doing this Q+A and if you get around to reading mine, thank you so much. We all love your game and are excited to see what's to come!	Hey! Yes, merging all possible buildings will be an upgrade requirement for TH17 and beyond. So all of you out there, get upgrading those rushed archer towers and cannons. We have talked about letting players do more weird stuff with custom modifiers to create your own ridiculous scenarios to goof about with (or get super serious and keep cranking the difficulty higher and higher)	Home Village, Quality of Life	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7d6ify/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
37	Where is ice wizard	[ Removed by Reddit ]	Ice wizard	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dpty?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
38	I would like to be a part of clash of clans or to be precise, I would like to work for supercell. I am a product designer ( not UI ). Where should I start	Check out https://supercell.com/en/careers/ to see if there's anything that sounds like it matches your skillset and our company social media accounts share new job openings.	Job Opportunities	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dltmz/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
39	When can we expect the june update ?	We're aiming for June 17th. The team's working on bug fixes at the moment and plans can always change. So if it's later please don't come by with pitch forks. The last time I think we confirmed a date we had to postpone, that was April 1st 2019 when we were planning to launch Season Challenges. But we found a last minute bug and had to re-submit for the next day. And of course nobody believed us that we were really postponing/really planning to release on April Fool's day.	June Update Timing	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dn0g3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
40	Hi Stuart, Could Legends League get a little love? E.g, first eight attacks count towards trophies but you could still attack after that for loot but no trophies are gained for those attacks. Legends League base are for the trophy attacks and home village base for the ’loot attacks’. This would make ’fake legends farming’ pointless. Thanks!	It would be pretty unbalanced since you couldn't lose any loot. Legends should be mostly about competitive trophy pushing but a whole ton of people are there for loot. It's more likely we will make multiplayer looting better throughout the game + split out Legends to be more focused on competition.	Legends League Changes	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dk3f9/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
41	Is there a chance for a collaboration with lego? I would love to see clash sets and lego skins!	I own far, far too much Lego and would absolutely love to do a collab with them.	Lego Collaboration	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dpzgf/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
42	What about the geared up archer tower and cannon? Will they get their own new levels?	Maybe we'll mash em together into a geared up monstrosity? Who knows what Builder will think of next.	New Defense Ideas	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7ddnr3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
43	Are you going to add new villages to the game? Develop the game in this direction?	We're pretty unlikely to add any more permanent villages. This is already a huge game and there's a lot already for players to do across Home Village, Builder Base and Clan Capital. And there's a ton for our team to do still in those three areas.	New Features	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7d6msj/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
44	Hi Stuart! First off thank you for helping keep Clash of Clans alive for so long, it’s my favorite game personally. I wanted to know if at some point we could have customizable goblin maps to share with our clan mates to attack, or if anything like that might be in the works for the future?	Yeah we've talked about a creative mode/custom challenge level creator feature. It'd be cool to see what sort of wild things you'd all cook up with it.	New Features	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dafat/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
45	Do you think it is a good idea to do a new townhall every year.wont it be hard on the people in lower townhalls.	I think it's good for it to be something that players know when to expect, rather than being quite arcane speculation. I would like us to be much more transparent with our roadmap and timings in future, and we'll get there eventually. We are also in control of how quickly people can catch up. And we will keep making improvements so more and more of our players can enjoy the fun of being at the latest hall.	New Town Hall Frequency	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dqnqd/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
46	What do you have in mind for the general direction that the game is going in? Can we expect any new fundamental addition (i.e. another system like ores)?	We've got a few ideas in early stages of being thought about. My fave is troop mastery where by completing quests using a troop well you could unlock some extra abilities/buffs to that troop. It'd be a nice way to encourage players to try out different troops and let folk go deeper on the troops they really enjoyed. But important disclaimer it's not my decision and if the people doing the work think of something better they'll do that instead!	New Troop Mastery System	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dmkdj/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
47	Which troop is getting the Super troop next?:9416:	It's maybe Yeti	Next Super Troop	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7ddzjz/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
48	y u no wear clash merch ???? but seriously those posters look dope! what else do you have in your office which our eyes would probably never see !	We've been seriously negligent in ordering new team merch recently 😅 A ton of whiteboards with secret upcoming things, stats, dates, plans. Lots of cool statues. Our office is incredible and we're very lucky to work here. Every time people visit for the first time they're amazed and I hope I never get used to how cool it is.	Office Decorations	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dcjtx/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
49	What should I eat for lunch today?	Something that makes you go "now that was a good lunch"	Other	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dajjj/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
50	How has player numbers changed since you started implementing monthly events and equipment into the game?	⬆️	Player Numbers	https://www.reddit.com/ClashOfClans/comments/1d9ggko/comment/l7dnoc3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

This is my first post and I want to talk about the extremely abusive relationship that I am in part of. I will omit the names however I cannot guarantee the people I know will not know who the writer is. And if they do, I hope it's for the best, because all my silent screams are in a void.
I will talk about it in detail and every day if possible. I am choosing Reddit to post my stories for its provided anonymity.
I am in her room right now as I am writing this, and she is out of the house for her driving lessons. I just finished crying and thought maybe whatever I am going through should at least be documented as I am having a lot of mental and emotional breakdowns lately.
Recently, I patched up with my ex-girlfriend who I shouldn't have, and I think that has to be the biggest regret of my life. After some months I am back to ground zero where I am constantly belittled, screamed, and mentally abused. Last week, a group of me and my friends decided to go visit this place in the woods and spent a night out, to refresh ourselves from our work and study. I initially told her that we were making plans and I wanted to go desperately as I hadn't left my house in eons. She was cool with it at first but with some hesitation. She was probably thinking of a plan to deny it later which she does. And the problem is only two people drive in our group and one vehicle isn't enough to cover everyone. Therefore her restriction is going to jeopardize the whole plan. I told her that and she didn't care, instead, she offered to take me out with her to the destination I had planned with my friend. And, she tells me if I go with my friend out of her decision, she is going to leave the house, go to the station, and kill herself. With a heavy heart, I told my friend that I wouldn't be able to go to the trip because of my financial situation, and my friends were ready to cover me, poor guys, I had partially told them the truth, its because of my girlfriend.
I am trying everything in my vicinity to please her. Lately, I have been doing all the laundry, drying the clothes, cooking the food, leaving her at work, and picking her up after work while doing my double shift from 7-8 pm, looking after the dog, cleaning after his mess, and in her every waking period she is abusing and controlling me. She is extracting every ounce of freedom from me and this emptiness in me arising from it is killing me mentally long before physically. I spent my every waking hour being wary of her behavior and how to behave accordingly. And if I tell her, that I feel like I am not being respected she abuses me more.
I feel like dying every day and in my mind, before sleeping I always jump from an ocean cliff. And when I dream, I dream about flying. I feel like I am responsible for patching up from our breakup, and I hate myself and will keep continuing to hate myself for that decision.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Popular-Valuable-243. She posted in AmItheAsshole

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. The latest update is 7 days old due to the rules of this sub

Trigger Warnings: sudden parental death; controlling behavior
Mood Spoiler: just tough all around
Original Post: April 6, 2024
Throwaway Account
I (21f) Have an older sister "Eve" (29f) who had her first child, "Lori" (1f) and while this should be a time of joy an excitement there's actually a lot of tension and brewing resentment between her, our mom, and her husband "Jack" (29m). Despite it being unplanned Eve's pregnancy was wanted and Jack was an involved partner. He went to most of Eve's appointments, took the birthing classes, and supported Eve's decision to just have our mom in the room while he wanted outside when she gave birth.
The plan was for our mom to be by Eve's side in the room and to help stay for a week after Lori was born. Everyone was cool with this but unfortunately our aunt got into some drama with her husband in another state and our mom rushed over to be at her sister's side. Eve was already in her 3rd trimester so Jack didn't like the idea of our mom going and voiced it. Our mom tore Jack a new one and Eve even got on his case about it so he apologized. However, Eve ended up going into labor and Jack ultimately was the one in the room while our mom was away.
When she called, our mom expressed being sad over not being there for the birth of her first grandchild and she and Eve decided that no one else in the family would see Lori until she got back. Without discussing it with Jack. He was understandably not happy as his mom lived about 45 minutes away and was looking forward to meeting Lori too as she was the first grandchild on both sides. Eve pulled the "I just gave birth" card and Jack reluctantly allowed it. On the day that our mom was supposed to come back she missed her flight and couldn't get a new one until the following morning. Our mom could've just rented a car but she didn't want to spend the money since the airline wouldn't refund the money.
Jack was brought up allowing his mom to come again, but Eve refused citing that he already agreed. Unfortunately, Jack's mom was in a car accident and passed before ever getting to meet Lori since Eve wouldn't even allow a video chat. Jack was distraught, he moved to the guest bedroom, went to the funeral alone and refuses to engage with Eve at all.
Jack's side of the family keeps calling and messaging Eve to tell her what a selfish and awful person she is and Jack refuses to defend. Eventually, Eve got sick of it and packed up and left to our mom's house to "teach Jack a lesson" but he hasn't texted or called. Our mom thinks that he just needs some space and that he'll call soon but I just laughed at that. Didn't mean to though.
My mom and Eve asked me why I laughed and I tried to brush it off or even leave but they couldn't let me and pressed for answer. Eventually, I told her that while the accident wasn't her fault she did keep Lori away from Jack's mom meeting her for a week and now she never will. There's no way Jack is going to ever love you enough to forgive that and that you should prepare for the worst. Eve started to bawl her eyes out while mom berated me so I left. AITA?
Edit: Just to clarify because I keep seeing this when the accident first happened Eve has apologized three separate times (Jack has admitted to this) and Eve intended to go to the funeral with him but he drove off without her. Jack does interact with Lori it's Eve that he's icing out and my niece is the only thing he's willing to talk to Eve about. Jack had been living in the guest room for 5 months before Eve left. She's offered to go to couple's counseling but Jack has refused.
Relevant Comments:
What was up with your aunt?

OOP: To be fair it wasn't a small thing. My aunt's husband was revealed to be cheating and used her personal information to take out credit cards in her name to pay for his side piece. Plus the potential danger of her own health.

Commenter (downvoted): YTA
You are COMPLETELY right. But you were an AH to mention it. WHY rub it in, and cause drama. YOU should have kept silent, staying out of it would have been the reasonable option.
They needed someone to blame - why offer yourself up for that?

OOP: I tried to brush it off and walk away but they physically stood in front of my way and demanded an answer.

Commenter: If she's still bad mouthing him, she obviously didn't mean it [the apology] with an understanding of what exactly she did wrong. Hope Jake is well supported by his family and can see his daughter soon.

OOP: Eve hasn't bad mouthed him (at least to me) since his mom's accident. But she is frustrated that he's no longer affectionate and doesn't engage with her like before.

Commenter (downvoted): YTA. Sorry, but are you married? A parent? In love? In a relationship? No, then maybe put a cork in it.
Why would you say something like that? It was incredibly vindictive and nasty. She is a new mother going through ish, and you could have been compassionate. Even civil. You laughing at someone's misfortunes, much less your sister, says a lot about your character.
Her husband may never forgive her, but that's not on her. To be honest, it would be hard to forgive you for kicking her when she was down, so there's that.

OOP: Married? No. A parent? No. In love? Yes. In a relationship? Also, yes.
And please read the post again. Lori is now a year old and Jack's mom died when she was less than three weeks old. This has been an ongoing issue with months and I TRIED to not say anything and even walk away in order to be civil but my mom and sister kept pressing me for an answer.

Commenter (part of a longer comment): why didn't Jack just let his mother come anyway? I'm amazed he put up with that bullshit, he sounds like a treasure of a husband and Eve really screwed herself by treating him and his family like that.

OOP: Because it was just supposed to be one week. No one saw this accident coming and Jack didn't want to stress out my sister (who had just even birth). He was trying to respect her wishes and got screwed over because of it.

Commenter: The fact that your sister wouldn’t even allow a FaceTime? That’s some RIDICULOUS PETTY BULLSHIT. She deserves to be a struggling single mom for that choice alone. I wouldn’t blame jack for being the type of coparent who will only coparent thru a phone app. JFC

OOP: Yeah I think her being pregnant made her lose touch with reality and logic a little bit. She's usually understanding and reasonable.

Eve's apologies/Mom's apologies:

OOP: From what she told me it was a "I'm sorry I did x" the first time and then "I'm sorry but I didn't know that y would happen" and then "I'm sorry but we can..."
OOP: My mom did reach out to give her condolences for Jack's mom's passing but I don't know if she apologized for insisting on being the first grandparent to see the baby. Also I know that Eve apologized at least three separate times but it could've been more. I honestly don't know.

OOP is voted NTA
Update Post: June 2, 2024 (almost 2 months later)
Hey!
It's been a couple of weeks and due to people still occasionally asking I thought I'd give a people some quick updates to the situation. Here are the basic bullet points:

• My sister has now been officially diagnosed with Postpartum Depression and that is the trump card/Hail Mary of the situation.
• My sister and her husband are living together again and in couple's therapy.
• My sister is in individual counseling.
• My niece has now been officially introduced to a few members of her paternal size and they all love her.
• Jack's family have ceased their negative comments about my sister but she says that they're still pretty formal and distant towards her. I honestly don't know if she'll ever be in their good graces again and will only put up with her for my BIL and niece's sake.
• My niece's name first and middle is going to be legally changed to whatever Jack wants.
• For the next five years BIL's side of the family is getting priority when it comes to any and all holidays.
• My mom will be on a strict info diet when it comes to the baby. No pictures unless Jack approves.

This is all I know for right now and my mom is NOT happy with any of this and is calling Jack a controlling AH but my sister is holding firm in an effort to save her marriage. She claims that BIL and her are making progress in counseling and I hope for her sake that it's true. It's gonna suck not being able to see my niece as much as I wanted for the next possible few years but compared to never being able to see her at all (like Jack's mom) it is what it is. I know a lot of you may not be happy with this update but it is what it is for now.
Relevant Comments:
OOP's thoughts:

I won't deny that Jack is taking full advantage of Eve's willingness to do whatever it takes to save the marriage, but Jack has never come off as a controlling person in the past (I mean he didn't put up any opposition to Eve's requests/demands since finding out she was pregnant) but Eve has a support system if she feels like it's getting to be too much.
I'm not going to get involved until I suspect violence.
(to a different commenter): I won't deny that Jack is taking advantage of the situation. He's hurt and angry and very resentful. He laid out his terms and Eve is agreeing to them. Plus they're in counseling. It's not ideal but it is what it is.

Commenter: It doesn't read to me that OP is being restricted. OP is free to visit their niece. Jack's family just gets priority for holidays and it seems like OP's family assumed that they would get majority of them (hence "won't see kid as often as I'd like to").

OOP: Yes. It's just the holidays for our side of the family. Right now I could drive up to see my niece so long as a call first.

Commenter: What is the issue with the baby’s name? Was Jack railroaded over that as well?

OOP: From my understanding Eve got pick the first name and Jack got to pick the middle name (from a list of names that Eve had), and my niece took Jack's surname.
(to a different commenter): To appease Jack. He didn't really get much of a say over naming the baby. My sister really played the whole "I'm the one carrying the baby" card.

Commenter: I don't get why your contact with your niece have to be limited? I'm not sure the marriage will last anyway, with these conditions.

OOP: Right now it seems like Eve is just doing whatever she has to do to keep Jack from leaving her as well as getting back on Jack's family's good side.

Commenter: I don't how I feel about this. Changing the baby's name after a year to whatever the husband wants? Priority for holidays for five years? No pictures for your mom unless Jack approves of it? This seems like jumping from the frying pan directly into the fire. If these are the terms set up by Jack in order to "save" the marriage...one, I doubt the marriage counselor knows about these specific ones I mentioned and two, is it even worth saving? Your sister has no autonomy over their child, no autonomy over her schedule, no ability to share a photo with her mother. You have limited contact with your niece. Who really won here other than Jack and his family who might, someday, be nice to your sister?
Yes, your sister was wrong in the original post. Of course she was. But not ONE things on this list can change what happened. Not one. And this parts of this list sound like they could lead to some DV situations in the future on Jack's part. Isolation from support systems is one of those factors.

OOP: Jack's mom suddenly passed away, and she was a loving and sweet person. I wouldn't exactly call it a "win."
Also from what Eve has told me it's not "isolation" so much as strict boundaries. Eve said that these restrictions were only for the baby and that she's able to still have regular contact with whoever she chooses.

Commenter: yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes. what a hard overcorrection.
i can't imagine them ever getting back on the right footing again after this. eve will lose herself with guilt and trying to keep the family together and jack will lose himself in trying to forgive but also punish eve for what he lost. at that point it's not two people in love, it's just two people filled with resentment and "trying to make it work".

OOP: They're going to couple's counseling is all I can respond with. We'll see what happens.

Commenter: OP sounds disgusting too, calling PPD a “card” sister will play. Shame on you, OP.

OOP: I referred to it as a card because of how my sister is using her diagnosis with Jack. She literally said "he can't be angry with me I have PPD."
(in response to someone asking if she really has it): No, it's real and I do believe her because her personality did change the further she got into her pregnancy. It's just the way my sister is using her diagnosis that made me word it the way that I did. She's very "he can't stay angry with me I have PPD" and "he has to forgive me I'm not mentally well."

Commenter: Is the postpartum diagnosis is what made him to be willing to work it out? Not sure how that was connected to what she did.

OOP: I mean, he wasn't open to couple's counseling BEFORE the official diagnosis.

​

This post will repeat weekly through the month of December. Please repost or cross post as a way to promote this subreddit. Or ignore this one and check out our others! I apologize if it's cramping your style, but when I work hard on certain posts I want to be sure they are useful! I also am working on making these shorter so they don't get lost in the madness....
Scroll down for the Character Questions and create a thoughtful and empathetic profile of your main characters for your projects!
As always please use these as sparks to create and feel free to post your responses and ideas in comments or separate post! This is YOUR subreddit so go ahead and post away!
Prompt: Imagine a dystopian world where an oppressive government has successfully erased all forms of personal identity and history. In this society, individuals are assigned generic roles and are forbidden from expressing their unique thoughts, emotions, or experiences. Write a short story or reflective essay exploring the life of a character who discovers a hidden underground community that encourages self-expression and reignites the importance of personal narratives.
In your response, consider the following:

1. Character and World Building:
   • Describe the protagonist's background, their assigned role, and their initial perception of the oppressive world they inhabit.
   • Develop the hidden underground community, including its purpose, structure, and the means through which it safeguards personal stories.
   • Create a contrast between the protagonist's initial world and the underground community, highlighting the impact of personal narratives on shaping identity and resisting oppression.
2. Plot Analysis:
   • Outline the protagonist's journey of discovery, including their initial skepticism, the influential encounters they have within the underground community, and the personal sacrifices they make to preserve their identity.
   • Explore the challenges and conflicts faced by the protagonist, both externally (e.g., encounters with government authorities) and internally (e.g., the struggle to confront their identity).
3. Deep Introspection:
   • Prompt the protagonist to reflect deeply on the uncomfortable subjects that the government's erasure of personal narratives seeks to suppress. These could include topics such as individuality, memory, trauma, and the power of storytelling as a tool for empathy and resistance.
   • Encourage the protagonist to evolve their thoughts and perceptions throughout the narrative, considering the consequences of silence and the potential for personal growth through self-expression and sharing.
4. Requirements for Responses:
   • Conduct research to explore real-world examples of societies that suppress personal narratives or attempt to erase collective memory.
5. Prompt: In a post-apocalyptic world, a devastating pandemic has wiped out most of humanity. The survivors are forced to live in isolated communities, each with its own set of strict rules and customs. Write a short story or reflective essay exploring the life of a character who questions the existing order and embarks on a journey to unite these fragmented communities. Consider the role of unity, diversity, and collaboration in rebuilding a shattered world.
6. Prompt: Set in a future where advanced AI technology has permeated every aspect of society, write a story or reflective essay following a protagonist who begins to question the boundaries between human and machine. Delve into the ethical implications of human-AI relationships, the erosion of human emotions, and the potential consequences of blurring the line between artificial and genuine experiences.
7. Prompt: Imagine a world where climate change and environmental degradation have irreversibly altered the planet. Write a story or reflective essay from the perspective of a character who is part of a group striving to restore balance and heal the damaged Earth. Explore the connections between personal responsibility, collective action, and the intersections of social and environmental justice.
8. Prompt: Transport yourself to a society where strict social hierarchies are based on a person's genetic makeup. Write a short story or reflective essay following a character who challenges this system and advocates for equality and inclusivity. Examine the role of genetic determinism, discrimination, and the power of individual agency in reshaping social structures.
9. Prompt: Imagine a world where art and creativity are considered illegal, seen as tools of subversion and chaos. Write a story or reflective essay from the perspective of an artist who risks everything to defy this oppressive regime and reclaim the power of artistic expression. Analyze the significance of art as a form of resistance, its ability to inspire change, and its impact on personal and societal transformation.

Remember to consider the following for each of the prompts to insure a well rounded and thought out premise that will engage the audience and allow room for growth in the plot.
Prompt 1 - Post-Apocalyptic Community Building:

• Consider the unique customs, rules, and societal structures of each isolated community.
• Explore the protagonist's motivation for questioning the existing order and their vision for uniting the communities.
• Analyze the challenges and conflicts faced in the journey of uniting fragmented communities and the potential benefits and drawbacks of unity.

Prompt 2 - Ethical Implications of AI Technology:

• Reflect on the protagonist's personal experiences and interactions with AI, including the blurring of boundaries between human and machine.
• Explore the ethical dilemmas and consequences of advancing AI technology.
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• Consider the protagonist's personal experiences as an artist within an oppressive regime.
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• Analyze the risks, sacrifices, and potential outcomes associated with defying an oppressive regime through art.

1. Chick Lit: Write a chick lit novel or short story following a relatable protagonist navigating the challenges of love, career, and self-discovery. Explore themes of friendship, personal growth, and finding balance in a fast-paced, modern world.
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1. Historical Romance: Write a one-page historical romance set in a lavish ballroom during the Victorian era. Focus on the forbidden love between a spirited debutante and a mysterious gentleman from a different social class.
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Protagonist Character Profile:

1. Name:
2. Age:
3. Gender:
4. Physical appearance:
5. Background:
6. Personality traits (list at least five):
7. Core values and beliefs:
8. Motivations and goals:
9. Biggest fear:
10. Internal conflicts:
11. External conflicts:
12. Strengths:
13. Weaknesses:
14. Childhood experiences and their impact:
15. Education and professional background:
16. Relationship status and dynamics:
17. Quirks or peculiar habits:
18. Psychological disorders, if any:
19. Familial relationships and dynamics:
20. Support system (friends, mentors, etc.):
21. Traumatic experiences and their effects:
22. Coping mechanisms:
23. Emotional vulnerabilities:
24. Resilience and determination:
25. Personal growth throughout the story:

Protagonist Character Questions:

1. What drives the protagonist to take action and pursue their goals?
2. How does the protagonist's childhood shape their behaviors and choices?
3. What values does the protagonist hold dear, and how do they influence their decision-making process?
4. What inner conflicts does the protagonist face, and how do they attempt to reconcile them?
5. How does the protagonist's education and professional background contribute to their strengths and weaknesses?
6. What traumatic experiences has the protagonist overcome, and how have these experiences shaped their worldview?
7. How does the protagonist cope with stress or adversity?
8. What relationships and dynamics are most significant to the protagonist, and how do these relationships evolve throughout the story?
9. In what ways does the protagonist exhibit resilience and determination in the face of challenges?
10. How does the protagonist approach personal growth and self-improvement?
11. What psychological disorders, if any, does the protagonist struggle with, and how do these disorders impact their thoughts and actions?
12. How does the protagonist's physical appearance contribute to their self-perception and interactions with others?
13. What unique quirks or habits does the protagonist possess that make them stand out?
14. What are the protagonist's primary desires and aspirations?
15. How does the protagonist's internalized fear drive or hinder their actions?
16. How does the protagonist navigate and resolve external conflicts?
17. What coping mechanisms does the protagonist rely on during times of stress or emotional turmoil?
18. How do familial relationships and dynamics influence the protagonist's actions and decisions?
19. What significant life choices or dilemmas does the protagonist face throughout the story, and how do they respond?
20. In what ways does the protagonist's support system impact their growth and resilience?
21. How does the protagonist's personal development and self-discovery contribute to the overall narrative arc?
22. How does the protagonist's background and experiences shape their perception of the world?
23. What are the protagonist's core beliefs and values, and how do these impact their interactions with others?
24. How does the protagonist handle setbacks or failures, and what lessons do they learn from these experiences?
25. What external influences or societal pressures affect the protagonist's decision-making process?

Antagonist Character Profile:

1. Name:
2. Age:
3. Gender:
4. Physical appearance:
5. Background:
6. Personality traits (list at least five):
7. Core values and beliefs:
8. Motivations and goals:
9. Biggest fear:
10. Internal conflicts:
11. External conflicts:
12. Strengths:
13. Weaknesses:
14. Childhood experiences and their impact $ Go on

1. Education and professional background: 16. Relationship status and dynamics: 17. Quirks or peculiar habits: 18. Psychological disorders, if any: 19. Familial relationships and dynamics: 20. Support system (friends, mentors, etc.): 21. Traumatic experiences and their effects: 22. Coping mechanisms: 23. Emotional vulnerabilities: 24. Strategies for achieving their goals: 25. Methods they employ to antagonize the protagonist:

Antagonist Character Questions:

1. What drives the antagonist to oppose the protagonist and act as an obstacle in their journey?
2. How does the antagonist's background and upbringing contribute to their negative behaviors and motivations?
3. What core values and beliefs does the antagonist hold that align with their antagonistic actions?
4. What personal goals or desires does the antagonist seek to fulfill?
5. What is the biggest fear or insecurity that drives the antagonist's actions?
6. How does the antagonist's internal conflicts manifest and impact their decisions?
7. What external conflicts arise as a result of the antagonist's actions, and how do they handle these conflicts?
8. In what ways does the antagonist exhibit strength and power, and how do these traits affect their interactions with others?
9. What are the antagonist's weaknesses or vulnerabilities that can be exploited by the protagonist?
10. How have childhood experiences shaped the antagonist's worldview and motivations?
11. How does the antagonist's education and professional background contribute to their methods and strategies?
12. What familial relationships or dynamics influence the antagonist's actions and choices?
13. What unique quirks or habits does the antagonist possess that make them distinct or memorable?
14. Are there any psychological disorders or conditions that contribute to the antagonist's behavior?
15. How does the antagonist cope with stress or emotional turmoil?
16. What strategies or tactics does the antagonist employ to achieve their goals and antagonize the protagonist?
17. How do the antagonist's actions impact their relationships and interactions with other characters in the story?

18.How does the antagonist perceive and justify their actions, even if they are considered morally or ethically wrong?

1. What external influences or societal pressures contribute to the antagonist's motivations or actions?
   
2. How does the antagonist's physical appearance contribute to their demeanor and portrayal in the story?
   
3. What significant life choices or dilemmas has the antagonist faced, and how have these shaped their character?
   
4. What is the antagonist's reaction to setbacks or failures, and how do they adapt their strategies?
   
5. How does the antagonist's support system or lack thereof impact their actions and decisions?
   
6. What past traumatic experiences or events have influenced the antagonist's worldview and behaviors?
   
7. How does the antagonist's emotional state or emotional vulnerabilities influence their actions and interactions with others?
   

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThatLastBiUnicorn
Aita for not giving my bf a threesome
Originally posted to AITAH
Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: verbal abuse, manipulation, poisoning, physical abuse, religious abuse
Original Post May 31, 2024
This is a throwaway because too much identifying info is on my main.
I F29 met my boyfriend "Michael" M35 at a show I performed in (I am a theatre person as a hobby) and he complimented my performance and bought me a drink. We have been together now for a little over a year.
His sister got married last week and I was initially pleased to asked to be a bridesmaid but also a bit surprised as she barely knows me but I thought this was an attempt to have an excuse to also get to know each other better.
Michael and I got into an argument the week before because he said that he wanted to entertain the thought of spicing up our sex life and having a threesome. He said since I was bi, why not? I didn't like the idea too much and said so and it devolved into a petty cold war and he started to ignore my messages after he left my place. He didn't reply to me at all until the day before the wedding asking what time he needed to pick me up since we can't go swperate otherwise "people will gossip" about us. He barely said anything to me the whole time we traveled to the venue. The wedding was fine, but at the reception he got me a plate and leaned in to kiss me but I shied away and he got up to mingle.
I started feeling ill not too long after and 911 wad called. I realized I was having an allergic reaction but had my pen but still had to be carted off by the ambulance and that's when someone eho was looking for Michael said that he had left with some of the other groomsmen to a bar nearby. I called 6 times and texted that it was an emergency as I was getting checked put by the paramedics and again when they strongly suggested I go to the hospital but he never replied.
I was released hy the hospital and called him to ask him to pick me up but he didn't pick up so I woke up my best friend and she took me home and stayed with me overnight to make sure I was okay. The next morning Michael called me but I was still asleep so he left me a lengthy voicemail yelling at me that I ruined his sister's wedding and that I always have to make things about me. He came over to further berate me and told me he should just break up with me at this point as I am dramatic and this is "all too much" so I pointed out that he had gotten my plate, knew full well that I have a alegit allergy to coconut and that his sister had told me afterwards that he knew that the cake he gave me was the coconut cream cake as all the food had signs saying what it was and what the ingredients were as I am not the only person with allergies that attended. He left telling me that he can't talk to me when I am this way.
I was honestly exhausted so I didn't bother going after him. But his father called me to ask how I was doing and after I answered he then told me how I am hurting Michael's heart by blaming him and Michael has been inconsolable since we fought.
I texted Michael to ask if we could talk but the conversation went back around somehow to the threesome and how I don't respect him even in intimate settings or want to hear him out regarding his needs and make things about me.
I am so confused because to me this feels manipulative but I respect his father so much (I go to their church and he is a pastor there) so to have him tell me I am in the wrong threw me. Aitah?
Edit: a lot of comments are suggesting that this was intentional and I have actually never considered he gave me something I am allergic on purpose and certainly not to use against me to leverage in our argument. But I think I may have to come clean and talk to his parents. I know them well so hopefully it won't go too badly.
Small update: Michael texted me this morning to apologize. He said the wedding was stressing him out and he had a lot on his mind so he accidently handed me the plate he meant for himself, not the one for me. He said he didn't know I was in the hospital and feels bad he wasn't there for me but he left the reception with some of the groomsmen to blow of much needed steam. I don't know how I feel about it all so I just replied "okay" he is now asking to come over and talk this out in person.
2nd edit: For any and all of you calling me stupid or implying I am a child and "why am I still with this guy" etc. Just know, you remind me a lot of him in how he used to put me down and bully me ands it's a real wonder of mine if you treat people in your life like he did me. I suspect you do. Glad to be rid of him and indifferent about you.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
OhSheAimsToMisbehave

Op be honest - have you, now that you are looking back, seen red flags like this? This behavior likely didn't just show up. Have you ever gotten ill after a disagreement with him?

OOP

Oddly enough I am sitting with my BFF and she asked me the same question and yes, actually.
Our first real argument that I can remember I was down with a stomach bug for almost a week and he visited me and made soup.
Then the only BIG argument I can recall outside this one, he wanted to use labels really soon onto us going on some dates and I didn't and the next morning, I was sick with chest pains and stomach cramps.
I don't want to sounds dramatic or accusatory but since people have commented he might have purposefully given me something I am allergic to, I just don't know anymore.

~
RiskBig3301

NTA - the two of you are completely incompatible. He wants threesomes…you want to attend wedding receptions without leaving in an ambulance.

OOP

Okay, when I read this I was with bestie and we've been drinking and the scream I scrumpted laughing so hard nearly killed me more effectively than the coconut lmao

Update - I Am No Longer Welcome at Church June 1, 2024
Well many of you were right I should not have met him in person but I did. He took me out to lunch insisting he pay for it all and it was incredibly over the top. He had flowers and a written letter of apology but as some of you messaged me his apologies dodged the point by way of "if I hurt you" or "that you're feeling x or y feeling" etc. He quoted some scriptures and said he has repented as his carelessness caused me harm.
I wasn't much moved by any of it until he said how much his family loves me and how much our church roots for us as a couple and I kinda sat back and realized that one flimsy reason I was even entertaining forgiving him and staying was because of the pressure I dealt with as the GF of a pastors son. It occurred to me that there were so many times I let things slide because he is the heir apparent so he had the power in the social aspect of our community.
Sorry I know I am rambling but I'm emotional and tipsy.
I remembering just staring at him and saying it was incredibly alarming that by now he can't be aware of my oe Ingle allergy and that he didn't bother to tell his own GF he was stepping out with the guys or even that he was stepping out of his own sisters wedding at all. He then said it was really actually kind of stupid of me to eat a cake that had coconut and implied I am an idiot for not realizing what I had was coconut. I realized then he would never accept that he was in the wrong and thus there was no point.
I stood up and and smiled and said "You know what, don't worry about it. Thanks for dinner. Goodnight." To which he replied that if I wasn't going to grow up and accept his apology I am a waste of his time. He uses that a lot whenever we disagree and it usually hurts me deeply but this time it was like a roladex of memories flooded my brain and I really suspect he's been deliberately making me sick whenever we disagree to teach me a lesson. I said I was done and he needn't waste his time with me from this point on and left. I then sent screenshots to his father explaining the situation as best I can without blaming Michael for prior illnesses without proof and I got a text about 20 minutes ago from his father.
His father is "incredibly dissppinted" in my immaturity and hurt that I wouldn't even give it until Sunday at church where we can pray together, talk it our and heal. I felt this way for a while but I was able to say it this time that using religion as a took of guilt is low and I am no longer concerned with his version of God as that version is a judgemental, cruel, and heartless jerk while the one I always thought of was loving, compassionate, and kind, and I am done. I was told by him and by further emails rolling in that I am no longer welcome at my church until I reconcile with my "true husband" and learn compassion and respect for my leaders.
So I guess that's it. I will enjoy sleeping in tomorrow and eating coconut free food, while lazing about my home rather than going to three sperate church services starting at 8am and then figure it all out from there.
I don't know how to sign off but I do watch a concerning amount of Charlotte Dobre videos and she usually ends things with practical shit like "do your laundry" or something so I will just say - live for yourself, feed your soul, and know you are enough. I certainly am going to put in the work to get there and I hope we all make it to the other side contented, and filled with love and joy.
And by the way, F you Michael. I know you are reading this. I know you know it's me. And I hope your socks are always just a little soggy. 🫶
OOP Added in the comments
Here
I forgot to add to my post but I didn't want to bring the threesome requests into it...
...well I sent his daddy screenshots of some texts. If you'd like some drama here are the top two:
1) it was a night I sent him home after he tried and failed to pressure into sex. He sent me that I was missing out and should be grateful since "your body makes me sick, but my love for you is stronger. Would it kill you to be grateful enough to just do a HJ?"
And
2) on his birthday, I had just been in the hospital after passing out from exhaustion and dehydration and went straight to his party. I stayed at his until everyone left and I left soon after helping clean all but the kitchen and he sent "You could have cleaned the kitchen." Then "or stayed over [for sex]." Then "you're a waste of time if I don't even get birthday sex. Thanks a lot."
And after both be suggested adding a 3rd. His dad hasn't responded.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Still_Actuator_8316

Holy crap. And you stayed with him. You poor girl. No one deserves someone like that in there life.
But you didn't say if you told his dad about him sending you to the hospital and potentially killing you. Becuase we both know and the rest of reddit knows that he did that intentionally.
And if there was proof of him giving you that cake. You could probley send his happy ass to jail.

OOP

I didn't and don't have the best self esteem. And here as the only black woman in the town that I've known of, I've always known that I am considered less desirable- not saying that's right - but just knowing where I live. Been here since my preteen years. When Michael asked me out it was like a parade. Everyone acted like it was a Cinderella story and I won a lottery or something. I have a friend who I ha e been texting today and she is letting me know how dumb I've been (I never told her of our issues) and is about ready to commit crimes lol
I think I lost myself for a bit but I wanted to leave the church low-key for a while because of my treatment so that helps a bit

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

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Mythical UHC Statistics (S1-S12)

Scenarios (Custom Coded are Bolded)

• Season 1 - To3; Bigfoot
  
• Season 2 - To2; Werewolf, Moved 0.0
  
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• Season 3 - Potsie, Aqualox, & ERHDude as Vampires
  
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• Season 5 - Drake132667596 as Bigfoot, Kelawesome as the Werewolf, Potsie & Aqualox as Vampires, and kecleon & pigghetti as Wendigos
  
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• Season 7 - CipherKai as Slender Man
  
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• Season 12 - Everyone
  

Winners (bold = alive, italic = dead)

• Season 1 - MemeDotJpeg
  
• Season 2 - PauloSSB, Codwhy
  
• Season 3 - JustNolan, omchris, Maia, Broseph
  
• Season 4 - kecleon, pigghetti
  
• Season 5 - pigghetti, kecleon
  
• Season 6 - JustNolan, 527Max
  
• Season 7 - JustNolan, GoldenNs, Brodator, aalaan, GreatGuyWill
  
• Season 8 - pigghetti, Bacan, Drake132667596, RiseGreekGamer
  
• Season 9 - ItsColinn, Chrissadilla, Ceije
  
• Season 10 - RqDix, ToontownOnline, ItsColinn, 78ford
  
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• Season 12 - ERHDude, JustNolan
  

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4: JustNolan (S3, S6, S7, S12)
3: pigghetti (S4, S5, S8), ItsColinn (S9, S10, S11)
2: kecleon (S4, S5), omchris (S3, S11), Brodator (S7, S11)
1: MemeDotJpeg (S1), PauloSSB, Codwhy (S2), Maia, Broseph (S3), 527Max (S6), GoldenNs, aalaan, GreatGuyWill (S7), Bacan, Drake132667596, RiseGreekGamer (S8), Chrissadilla, Ceije (S9), RqDix, ToontownOnline, 78ford (S10), DeluxeSniper, DKPMatt, strategy, Ryfri, ArcticSeagull, Greeples (S11), ERHDude (S12)

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• Season 6 - Arich, RqDix
  
• Season 7 - Greeples, pigghetti, PauloSSB, ElGavinoSupremo, Fcrm
  
• Season 8 - JustNolan, Greeples, Arich, 78ford
  
• Season 9 - Andrew512, pigghetti, Eluniel
  
• Season 10 - CrowJRC, Kelawesome, LittenTheScout, ArcticSeagull
  
• Season 11 - azoof, DJoee, benidk, Drkrai, ERHDude, SiahStone, Chrissadilla, idklyn, Eluniel
  
• Season 12 - Kelawesome, Brodator
  

Total Runner Ups

3: Arich (S4, S6, S8)
2: Wilsonkong (S1, S5), Codwhy (S3, S4), Greeples (S7, S8), pigghetti (S7, S9), Kelawesome (S10, S12)
1: ItsColinn, hueLinkk (S1), RabidChipmunk, DomoDom0 (S2), 527Max, Fra49, xCand, MemeDotJpeg (S3), Aqualox, xJosh427 (S4), CipherKai, PedroLeGamer (S5), RqDix (S6), PauloSSB, ElGavinoSupremo, Fcrm (S7), JustNolan, 78ford (S8), Andrew512, Eluniel (S9), CrowJRC, LittenTheScout, ArcticSeagull (S10), azoof, DJoee, benidk, Drkrai, ERHDude, SiahStone, Chrissadilla, idklyn, Eluniel (S11), Brodator (S12)

Bronze Medals

• Season 1 - Louiwe, Andrew512, FrostBros
  
• Season 2 - JmcLFA, MannieDM
  
• Season 3 - Yveltql, EnergyPulse, PauloSSB, Microus
  
• Season 4 - CipherKai
  
• Season 5 - EnergyPulse, JustNolan, RabidChipmunk
  
• Season 6 - CipherKai, Brodator
  
• Season 7 - Cyndic, Potsie, Kiinako_, Harryb2000, Broseph
  
• Season 8 - Fcrm, SiahStone, Potsie, Chaingelx
  
• Season 9 - Kelawesome, Jordtim, Glarza
  
• Season 10 - pigghetti, Eluniel, Chrissadilla, Fcrm
  
• Season 11 - pigghetti, Kelawesome, Spongey, PresidentFleb, Cyndic, TheRealHagrid, Broseph, Prisma, MemeDotJpeg
  
• Season 12 - Fcrm, Greeples
  

Total Bronze Medals

3: Fcrm (S8, S10, S12)
2: EnergyPulse (S3, S5), CipherKai (S4, S6), Cyndic, Broseph (S7, S11), Kelawesome (S9, S11), pigghetti (S10, S11)
1: Louiwe, Andrew512, FrostBros (S1), JmcLFA, MannieDM (S2), Yveltql, PauloSSB, Microus (S3), JustNolan, RabidChipmunk (S5), Brodator (S6), Potsie, Kiinako_, Harryb2000 (S7), SiahStone, Potsie, Chaingelx (S8), Jordtim, Glarza (S9), Eluniel, Chrissadilla (S10), Spongey, PresidentFleb, TheRealHagrid, Prisma, MemeDotJpeg (S11), Greeples (S12)

Participator List

(12 Seasons) 3: Brodator, ERHDude, Kelawesome (S1-12)
(9 Seasons) 5: Broseph (S2-8, S11-12), omchris (S2-3, S6-12), kecleon (S2, S4-5, S7-12), pigghetti, RqDix (S4-12)
(8 Seasons) 5: Yveltql (S1-8), Codwhy (S1-5, S7-8, S12), FrostBros (S1, S3-5, S7, S9-10, S12), JustNolan (S3-9, S12), 527Max (S3-6, S8-11), Cyndic (S4, S6-12)
(7 Seasons) 6: Arich (S1-2, S4, S6, S8-10), SiahStone (S1, S3, S5, S8-11), ItsColinn (S1, S5, S8-12), aalaan (S5-11), Greeples (S6-12)
(6 Seasons) 6: RiseGreekGamer (S1-3, S5, S8-9), Normoh (S1-2, S4-5, S7-8), Drkrai (S1-2, S6, S9-11), Chrissadilla (S2, S6-7, S9-11), Drake132667596 (S3, S5-6, S8, S10, S12), Fcrm (S7-12)
(5 Seasons) 9: xCand (S1-3, S6, S8), Aqualox (S1, S3-5, S7), CipherKai (S3-6, S10), Potsie (S3-5, S7-8), Fra49 (S3-4, S6-8), Bacan (S5, S8-11), PresidentFleb (S5, S8, S10-12), Glarza (S8-12)
(4 Seasons) 9: MemeDotJpeg (S1-3, S11), Wilsonkong (S1-2, S4-5), strategy (S1, S3, S11-12), EnergyPulse (S2-3, S5-6), RabidChipmunk (S2, S5, S9-10,), Maia (S3-5, S12), GoldenNs (S5, S7-8, S10), Ryfri (S5, S9-11), Prisma (S7-9, S11), idklyn (S8, S10-12)
(3 Seasons) 13: Thermql (S1-2, S4), hueLinkk (S1-2, S5), DomoDom0 (S1-2, S12), PauloSSB (S2-3, S7), Abdalain (S2, S4-5), m4ku (S4-6), Vynil (S5, S10-11), Chasmic (S5, S10, S12), LittenTheScout (S6, S9-10), VioletSin (S8, S11-12), Eluniel (S9-11), benidk, DJoee (S10-12)
(2 Seasons) 26: colbay, MannyDM, (S1-2), Louiwe (S1, S8), Andrew512 (S1, S9), SoupestGlobe (S2, S6), DeluxeSniper (S2, S11), Microus (S3, S10), SPOOOD, xJosh427 (S4-5), PatCreeperBrown (S4, S6), ElGavinoSupremo, GreatGuyWill, ImCjYT (S5, S7), chloesad, MajorWoof (S5, S10), Spongey (S5, S11), Harryb2000 (S7-8), 78ford, CrowJRC (S8, S10), Ceije, Jordtim, lam59, ToontownOnline, (S9-10), ArcticSeagull, TheRealHagrid (S10-11), azoof (S11-12)
(1 Season) 21M/33G: DJ_Vapor (S1), JmcLFA, smilinkylan, Tneesh, Zahkari (S2), PotaTomas (S3), Mistic (S4), PedroLeGamer, scoobysnacks3, ShyGus (S5 Members), Birble, Bofishkix, buttergolem1, Caffeindiazepine, CHANGA, Chipzzy, Daffz, Emerric, Ezehh, Flouzemaker, FrozenBenny, HenryPlays, JaeDiesInConjure, JamestheDouglas, jamieNCL, Kahooter, katygoesuwu, Lighte, Lucarrio, OnlyCosmia, Psykl0ne, Rasguer, Sluggyg, swishduck, TonyEatWorld, TorinFBF, urboibrocko, Vetmire, WackoFlipper, warriorcat, Spacepod, XeR0x4, Zcin (S5 Guests), Eroe, Kiinako_ (S7), Chaingelx, Digdude (S8) Acadia, Fictional (S9), DianaB, GetNicked, PokeMemes (S10), DKPMatt (S11), MarcusWest (S12)

Kills

24 Kelawesome: Drkrai (S1), Drkrai, EnergyPulse, DeluxeSniper (S2), PauloSSB (S3), Greeples, SoupestGlobe (S6), ImCjYT (S7), ItsColinn, Brodator, RqDix, Normoh (S8), JustNolan, Ceije, Eluniel, Cyndic (S9), DianaB, Drake132667596, lam59 (S10), Bacan, Chrissadilla, SiahStone (S11), Broseph, JustNolan (S12)
23 JustNolan: SiahStone, Codwhy, xCand (S3), Emerric (S5), xCand, omchris, Broseph, Chrissadilla, Drake132667596, Drkrai, EnergyPulse, CipherKai, RqDix, Arich (S6), Codwhy, Prisma, Kiinako_, Potsie, RqDix (S7), Glarza (S9), Glarza, VioletSin, MarcusWest (S12)
19 ItsColinn: DJ_Vapor, SiahStone, Andrew512, Louiwe (S1), 527Max, Brodator, Yveltql, scoobysnacks3, Wilsonkong (S5), Jordtim, Kelawesome, pigghetti (S9), 527Max, PresidentFleb, idklyn, Spongey, Drkrai, Kelawesome (S11), FrostBros (S12)
17 CipherKai: Kelawesome, RiseGreekGamer, PotaTomas^Teamkill (S3), Kelawesome, PatCreeperBrown (S4), GoldenNs, Broseph, Daffz, Rasguer, Ezehh, Lucarrio, PresidentFleb, ItsColinn, GreatGuyWill (S5), pigghetti (S6), Ryfri, benidk (S10)
14 ERHDude: SPOOOD, Thermql, Potsie^Teamkill , Mistic, JustNolan (S4), FrostBros, omchris, Kelawesome, pigghetti (S7), Ceije, LittenTheScout (S10), ItsColinn, Fcrm, Kelawesome (S12)
14 pigghetti: CipherKai (S4), Maia, ERHDude, JamestheDouglass, aalaan, JustNolan, EnergyPulse, CipherKai (S5), 527Max, Greeples, JustNolan (S8), RabidChipmunk, Chrissadilla (S9), strategy (S11)
13 Fcrm: ERHDude, Harryb2000, Prisma, kecleon, Louiwe, RiseGreekGamer (S8), Greeples, Drkrai, 527Max, ERHDude (S9), chloesad (S10), Fcrm (S11), Cyndic (S12)
12 omchris: ERHDude, Fra49, EnergyPulse (S3), 527Max (S6), PauloSSB, Chrissadilla (S7), LittenTheScout (S9), TheRealHagrid (S10), Eluniel, ERHDude, pigghetti, DJoee (S11)
11 kecleon: Abdalain, Wilsonkong, pigghetti, Yveltql, ERHDude, Aqualox (S4), Lighte, urboibrocko, FrostBros, Flouzemaker (S5), aalaan (S9)
11 RqDix: Codwhy (S4), Bacan (S5), m4ku, Brodator (S6), Arich (S9), MajorWoof, Vynil, SiahStone, Drkrai, Cyndic (S10), Drake132667596 (S12)
10 Brodator: ERHDude (S1), RiseGreekGamer (S5), ERHDude (S6), ElGavinoSupremo, Broseph (S7), Ryfri (S9), Prisma (S11), Maia, kecleon, benidk (S12)
8 527Max: m4ku (S4), idklyn, GoldenNs (S8), Fictional, delfino, ToontownOnline (S9), Microus, idklyn (S10)
8 PauloSSB: Arich, hueLinkk, smilinkylan, JmcLFA, RabidChipmunk, DomoDom0 (S2), Drake132667596 (S3), GreatGuyWill (S7)
7 Greeples: ERHDude, Brodator (S7), Chaingelx, Potsie, Broseph, Kelawesome, Cyndic (S8)
6 MemeDotJpeg: Arich, Normoh, Wilsonkong, ItsColinn, strategy (S1), strategy (S3)
5 Broseph: MemeDotJpeg (S3), ImCjYT (S5), Codwhy (S8), Broseph (S11), Brodator (S12)
5 CrowJRC: DJoee, 527Max, GetNicked, ERHDude, pigghetti (S10)
5 Cyndic: Eroe, Aqualox (S7), SiahStone (S9), aalaan (S10), Greeples (S12)
5 GoldenNs: Harryb2000, kecleon, Cyndic, Greeples (S7), Fra49 (S8)
5 MannyDM: RiseGreekGamer, Abdalain, Brodator, MemeDotJpeg, xCand (S2)
5 Potsie: FrostBros (S3), xJosh427, Maia (S4), Ryfri (S5), Arich (S8)
5 Yveltql : RiseGreekGamer, FrostBros (S1), Thermql (S2), Potsie (S3), Glarza (S8)
4 aalaan: ElGavinoSupremo, Caffeindiazepine, JaeDiesInConjure (S5), ArcticSeagull (S11)
4 Arich: Broseph (S4), Cyndic, Fra49 (S6), aalaan (S8)
4 benidk: Chasmic (S10), Glarza, TheRealHagrid (S11), Chasmic (S12)
4 DJoee: ArcticSeagull (S10), Ryfri, RqDix (S11), idklyn (S12)
4 Maia: CipherKai, Yveltql (S3), MajorWoof (S5), Codwhy (S12)
4 RabidChipmunk: Zahkari, SoupestGlobe, kecleon (S2), omchris (S10)
4 SiahStone: DomoDom0 (S1), 527Max (S3), Eluniel, GoldenNS (S10)
4 swishduck: Zcin, WackoFlipper, Vynil, OnlyCosmia (S5)
4 ToontownOnline: Arich, FrostBros, RabidChipmunk, CrowJRC (S10)
4 VioletSin: DJoee, omchris, DomoDom0, RqDix (S12)
4 Wilsonkong: Aqualox (S1), Broseph (S2), Abdalain, SPOOOD (S5)
3 Andrew512: kecleon, Brodator, lam59 (S9)
3 Bacan: Codwhy (S5), 78ford (S8), RqDix (S9)
3 Chrissadilla: LittenTheScout (S6), Andrew512 (S9), VioletSin (S11)
3 Codwhy: Kelawesome (S2), Brodator (S3), omchris (S8)
3 Drake132667596: Kelawesome, PatCreeperBrown (S6), Fcrm (S8)
3 Drkrai: Yveltql, aalaan (S6), Prisma (S9)
3 Fra49: Arich (S4), Normoh (S7), Yveltql (S8)
3 FrostBros: hueLinkk (S4), Yveltql (S7), Chrissadilla (S10)
3 Glarza: Greeples, CipherKai (S10), Brodator (S11)
3 GusDoesAKickflip: Normoh, RqDix, Kahooter (S5)
3 JamestheDouglas: FrozenBenny, Chipzzy, Sluggyg (S5)
3 Normoh: ERHDude (S2), Fra49 (S7), Digdude (S8)
3 PresidentFleb: Aqualox, chloesad (S5), Cyndic (S11)
3 Prisma: aalaan (S7), CrowJRC (S8), RiseGreekGamer (S10)
3 Rasguer: Psyklone, warriorcat, Drake132667596 (S5)
3 strategy: Brodator, xCand, Thermql (S1)
3 Vynil: Fcrm, PresidentFleb, ItsColinn (S10)
2 Acadia: FrostBros, Bacan (S9)
2 Aqualox: RqDix, Fra49 (S4)
2 CHANGA: HenryPlays, Bofishkix (S5)
2 Chasmic: pigghetti, PresidentFleb (S12)
2 DomoDom0: Kelawesome (S1), Normoh (S2)
2 Ezehh: Spacepod, PedroLeGamer (S5)
2 GreatGuyWill: m4ku, xJosh427 (S5)
2 hueLinkk: Codwhy (S1), SiahStone (S5)
2 idklyn: kecleon, Brodator (S10)
2 JmcLFA: Wilsonkong, Yveltql (S2)
2 Lucarrio: Potsie, Spongey (S5)
2 MarcusWest: strategy, azoof (S12)
2 SPOOOD: Vetmire, ShyGus (S5)
2 Thermql: 527Max, Brodator (S4)
1 Abdalain: colbay (S2)
1 ArcticSeagull: aalaan (S11)
1 Ceije: Glarza (S10)
1 Chipzzy: TorinFBF (S5)
1 chloesad: swishduck (S5)
1 colbay: omchris (S2)
1 Daffz: Birble (S5)
1 DeluxeSniper: benidk (S11)
1 Digdude: VioletSin (S8)
1 ElGavinoSupremo: XeR0x4 (S5)
1 Emerric: TonyEatWorld (S5)
1 EnergyPulse: hueLinkk (S5)
1 FrozenBenny: buttergolem1 (S5)
1 GetNicked: Kelawesome (S10)
1 Harryb2000: SiahStone (S8)
1 Jordtim: Fcrm (S9)
1 Kahooter: RabidChipmunk (S5)
1 katygoesuwu: jamieNCL (S5)
1 LittenTheScout: omchris (S9)
1 Louiwe: Yveltql (S1)
1 m4ku: FrostBros (S4)
1 MajorWoof: Jordtim (S10)
1 Microus: 78ford (S10)
1 Ryfri: Bacan (S10)
1 Spacepod: CHANGA (S5)
1 Spongey: kecleon (S11)
1 TonyEatWorld: Chasmic (S5)
1 TorinFBF: katygoesuwu (S5)
1 Vetmire: Kelawesome (S5)
1 xCand: Chrissadilla (S2)
0 DKPMatt (0/0) Birble, Bofishkix, buttergolem1, Caffeindiazepine, Chaingelx, DianaB, DJ_Vapor, Eroe, Fictional, Flouzemaker, HenryPlays, JaeDiesInConjure, jamieNCL, Kiinako_, Lighte, Mistic, OnlyCosmia, PedroLeGamer, PokeMemes, PotoTomas, Psykl0ne, scoobysnacks3, Sluggyg, smilinkylan, Tneesh, urboibrocko, WackoFlipper, warriorcat, XeR0x4, Zahkari, Zcin (0/1) 78ford, azoof, ImCjYT, lam59, PatCreeperBrown, SoupestGlobe, TheRealHagrid, xJosh427 (0/2) Eluniel (0/3) RiseGreekGamer (0/6)

PvE Deaths

• Season 1 - Colbay^Creeper : MannyDM^Suffocation
  
• Season 2 - Tneesh^Creeper : MannyDM^Ground
  
• Season 3 - Microus^Creeper : Aqualox^Fire
  
• Season 4 - Normoh^Forfeit : Cyndic^Creeper
  
• Season 5 - NONE
  
• Season 6 - NONE
  
• Season 7 - Fcrm^Ground
  
• Season 8 - xCand^Creeper : PresidentFleb^Forfeit
  
• Season 9 - NONE
  
• Season 10 - PokeMemes^Ground
  
• Season 11 - Greeples^Fire : MemeDotJpeg^Ground : Vynil^Ground : azoof^Ground
  
• Season 12 - NONE
  

First Blood

• Season 1 - MemeDotJpeg
  
• Season 2 - Colbay
  
• Season 3 - PauloSSB
  
• Season 4 - ERHDude
  
• Season 5 - ItsColinn
  
• Season 6 - JustNolan
  
• Season 7 - Brodator
  
• Season 8 - Codwhy
  
• Season 9 - Prisma
  
• Season 10 - Fcrm
  
• Season 11 - aalaan/ArcticSeagull
  
• Season 12 - JustNolan
  

First Death

• Season 1 - Colbay
  
• Season 2 - omchris
  
• Season 3 - Microus
  
• Season 4 - Normoh
  
• Season 5 - 527Max
  
• Season 6 - xCand
  
• Season 7 - Fcrm
  
• Season 8 - omchris
  
• Season 9 - RiseGreekGamer
  
• Season 10 - chloesad
  
• Season 11 - Greeples
  
• Season 12 - Glarza
  

First Damage

• Season 1 - strategy
  
• Season 2 - Colbay
  
• Season 3 - strategy
  
• Season 4 - Codwhy
  
• Season 5 - JaeDiesInConjure
  
• Season 6 - Chrissadilla
  
• Season 7 - Chrissadilla
  
• Season 8 - xCand
  
• Season 9 - Chrissadilla
  
• Season 10 - LittenTheScout
  
• Season 11 - ERHDude
  
• Season 12 - Glarza
  

Iron Man

• Season 1 - Drkrai
  
• Season 2 - Brodator
  
• Season 3 - Kelawesome
  
• Season 4 - Wilsonkong
  
• Season 5 - Birble
  
• Season 6 - Kelawesome
  
• Season 7 - Kiinako_
  
• Season 8 - VioletSin
  
• Season 9 - ToontownOnline
  
• Season 10 - CrowJRC
  
• Season 11 - Eluniel
  
• Season 12 - Cyndic
  

Most Kills

• Season 1 - MemeDotJpeg (5)
  
• Season 2 - PauloSSB (6)
  
• Season 3 - CipherKai, omchris, JustNolan (3)
  
• Season 4 - kecleon (6)
  
• Season 5 - CipherKai (9)
  
• Season 6 - JustNolan (10)
  
• Season 7 - JustNolan (5)
  
• Season 8 - Fcrm (6)
  
• Season 9 - Fcrm, Kelawesome (4)
  
• Season 10 - CrowJRC, RqDix (5)
  
• Season 11- ItsColinn (6)
  
• Season 12 - VioletSin (4)
  

Debutants

Season 1 (25) Andrew512, Arich, Aqualox, Brodator, strategy, Codwhy, Colbay, DomoDom0, Drkrai, DJ_Vapor, ERHDude, FrostBros, hueLinkk, ItsColinn, Kelawesome, Louiwe, MannyDM, MemeDotJpeg, Normoh, RiseGreekGamer, SiahStone, Thermql, Yveltql, Wilsonkong, xCand
Season 2 (14) Broseph, Chrissadilla, Abdalain, omchris, DeluxeSniper, EnergyPulse, JmcLFA, kecleon, RabidChipmunk, PauloSSB, smilinkylan, SoupestGlobe, Tneesh, Zahkari
Season 3 (9) CipherKai, Drake132667596, Fra49, JustNolan, Maia, 527Max, Microus, PotaTomas, Potsie
Season 4 (8) Cyndic, m4ku, Mistic, PatCreeperBrown, pigghetti, RqDix, SPOOOD, xJosh427
Season 5 (77) Bacan, GoldenNs, GreatGuyWill, PedroLeGamer, Ryfri, scoobysnacks3, ShyGus aalaan, Chasmic, ElGavinoSupremo, ImCjYT, PresidentFleb, Spongey, Vynil
Season 6 (2) LittenTheScout, Greeples
Season 7 (5) Eroe, Fcrm, Harryb2000, Kiinako_, Prisma
Season 8 (7) 78ford, idklyn, Chaingelx, CrowJRC, VioletSin, Digdude, Glarza
Season 9 (7) Acadia, Ceije, Eluniel, Fictional, Jordtim, lam59, ToontownOnline
Season 10 (7) ArcticSeagull, benidk, DianaB, DJoee, GetNicked, PokeMemes, TheRealHagrid
Season 11 (2) azoof, DKPMatt
Season 12 (1) MarcusWest

Draft Winners

Season 7: zac083
Season 8: TehBaconBrawlerz
Season 9: flameorb
Season 10: TehBaconBrawlerz
Season 11: Shakster
Season 12: N/A

I've become incredibly frustrated. I really cannot figure out from whence my anxiety hath arisen. I am done with it in any case. I am accomplishing everything I set my mind to, so why the hell would I be anxious? The only thing left to try is a certain herbal refreshment.
Really, I am sure I know why I am anxious, but there is absolutely nothing I can change the past, and I am trying not to worry about the future either. I've crushing myself lately with every task and purpose I can throw myself into. It is partially for personal achievement, in part for distraction, and for the purpose of self-flagellation. Flogging myself for ending up here, but I shouldn't be so harsh, the actions of others play a large part. I just can't help but feel that, despite going out of my way my entire life to walk on egg shells, I have made the wrong choices that led me to be here.
It is not without benefit. I have been doing a lot to improve my life. For myself for once. I have lost 35 pounds and 5 inches in the last three months. But a lot of what I'm doing with my time is not for me. I am trying to protect the LGBTQ community. My community. If that means bringing someone from $15/hr to $30/hr, or helping them get access to transitioning, or just mental health care, I want to keep them safe. It's not entirely selfless. There is someon out there, whether I know them or not, who is the most important person to me, and if I do this, if I can maybe work my way to getting legislation passed or policy changed to prevent the abuses during the last administration, then I am protecting them, too.
God, it sounds so sappy and childish when I say it out loud like this. But who cares? I feel what I feel. I just can't do nothing to look out for them, and I definitely can't do anything. I have silently perused the dating market and found a few people who may be of interest. There is one in particular, but I feel like I shouldn't bother. I'm not afraid of him saying "no" to a first date. In fact, the opposite, what if he says yes and we date for a while and we fall in love? Then I will be in love again. And what's to stop him from hurting me like the others?
I hate to speak ill of my own parents, but even since the beginning, when I truly needed someone to be there for me I had no one. My grandmother was all I had. We all have the need to be with someone who we can trust and be trusted by, love and be loved by, be safe with and keep safe, insofar as any person can protect another, to encourage and be encouraged by, etc. Even in an emergency there are so few people I can rely on. However, I am fortunate to have found people who are truly great to me. Friends only, but amazing people. Maybe that's one reason I'm doing as well as I am, in spite of the heart-ache I know is hiding deep within me. One of them is even like the father I always wished I'd had. Someone who not only is proud of me, but gives me the tools to be successful, as well.
I really am trying to just not feel anything anymore. I don't think that my cavernous heart can be paved over and made unfeeling. But I really want to try. I just don't know what goals or purposes there are outside of interpersonal relationships. Everything I want to do I work hard at and end up doing to my satisfaction. I don't have the same love of possessions that enchants so many others. People and the relationships with them are the only interesting thing in the world. The only valuable thing in the world. It's hard to imagine that I might have to set that aside.
And while I've limited my time concerning myself with all of this to as little as 8% of my time, I still keep digging up statistics, data, checking the dating market. The probabilities are not good for getting what I want. I've considered just being casual the rest of my life. Perhaps I should, but I hate to give in when it isn't what I want. The more I interact with my community, the more I see that that's just how it is. And I understand not wanting to get married, I don't know if I will ever bring myself to ever again, but it is kind of sad that we fought so hard to prove that it isn't just a sexuality and that we deserve to be married, but so few do marry.
I get that we are all so traumatized by bullying, domestic violence, ostracization, being disowned, and so on. But it's breaks my heart that I keep seeing how dramatically that is impacting our relationships, and creates an inability to trust one another. We aren't alone in this, it is so often that we destroy ourselves on behalf of other people and how they've treated us.
These are the musings of frustration, not of fact. They are born of worry and I feel bad for even entertaining them. I just want to find my little peace in this world. I've always been the one who rushes headlong into it, a knight in shining armor. But I've come to realize that I do that for people I come to care for, because I feel they deserve everything... and it's the thing I've always secretly wanted for myself. My own knight in shining armor. Not in any grandiose manner that reflects the imagery of the epic poems. But being swept off my feet does sound wonderful. But I'm a masculine top, and I think that is some fatuous ideology for someone like myself. It doesn't have to be complicated or extraordinary.
I just don't know how to proceed. I used to think I knew what the future might look like, but I can't even face the future. I live entirely in this moment, right now. And I try not to think about all of the things I've been doing for which I had that emotional support. Or the great date opportunities I've had. For example, tomorrow I have plans for what I hope will be a wonderful garden party, and it always feels a bit gray to not have anyone to bring. I have random thoughts about hopefully teaching them sign language. Sometimes I find it more enjoyable to converse in that medium. I'm not quite as talkative as I used to be (a lesson from my father: one should listen twice as often as one speaks) yet sometimes when I am passionate I keep going on, but I have found that speech without the spoken word is somewhat calming to me. When I am upset, especially, I have a hard time uttering vocal words, and it would be nice to have that way of relating my upset with someone.
I must digress, I'm not even certain this can all be posted in one piece, and it isn't doing me any good to vent anyway. I still need to find a good therapist. Not that they have ever helped much, other than helping me talk myself through to a solution. I suppose that is something, though, and my insurance covers it. I suppose that is the next thing to do, now that things have calmed down.... if I ever let things calm down. If I ever have a reason to let things calm down....

I work as a therapist at an outpatient mental health center. I started working with older adults with psychotic disorders. I’d love any advice for how to help clients who are experiencing delusions, particularly around the idea that other people are out to hurt them emotionally in some way (i.e. talking poorly behind their backs, silently judging them or looking down on them, etc).