Cerita putting susu remaja abg

Hi all, I recently started back on the wards as a locum Med Reg after being away for 6 months with the birth our first baby.
I’m PGY3 and have only worked previously as an RMO. I’ve gotten into the swing of things pretty quick with the day job but my first after-hours shift holding the met/code blue pager is next week and I’m conscious I likely stepped up too quickly for such a responsible role given I’ve had minimal real-life exposure to emergency scenarios thus far.
I’m trying to prepare as best I can for showing up to codes as a leader and making sure I can, at the very least, put some structure on the situation (attending the call, getting handover while addressing ABCDEs and reviewing the medical records/chart while asking the junior doctor to complete any relevant at scene investigations (bloods/abg etc) is how I imagine the initial stage of most calls will play out).
This weekend I’m going to go over processes for some of the most common calls, but wondering if any of you experienced doctors had some clinical pearls for emergency responses/suggestions re common calls you’ve responded to as leadesuggested resources for studying/story from a particularly good or bad call you’ve attended or even just an honest opinion about my appropriateness for the role given my stated level (it’s not too late for me to try pass the shift to someone else but I feel I’d just be postponing the inevitable).

Stupid question...
Aq nak tulis cerita, tapi tak tahu pasal benda tu. Kalau sekolah pemulihan macam Henry Gurney or the fictional Sekolah Wira Bakti. Jadi persoalannya, macam mana seseorang remaja yang masuk ke sekolah itu boleh dilepaskan. Boleh ke kalau ada orang yang suka hati je nak lepaskan sesiapa dari sekolah tu macam contoh, duit. Benda ni boleh terjadi ke kalau sekolah tu korup?
Tolong jangan marah tanya soalan pelik" macam ni. Jangan kecam ☺️👌

Untuk yang pernah punya pengalaman atau cerita pernikahan etnis tionghoa, boleh info besaran uang susu dan tepai itu berapa ya 🤣🤣🤣
Jd adik aku mau nikah, tapi ini pernikahan pertama dikeluarga. And we confused how much "uang susu" should be given to pihak perempuan, krn ga ada pengalaman. Bokap nyokap (anak tunggal dua duanya) dulu ga pake acara uang susu uang susu soalnya.
Ive already asked some of my friends but some of them ga pake uang susu, dan yang lain cuma jawab "besaran tiap org beda2" but from my family we would like to appreciate the girl's family appropriately, tp kadang takut angkanya kekecilan.
Kita bukan dr upper class sih, dan calonnya juga bukan dr upper class, tengah2 aja. Jd kita bingung angka2nya dan adik aku ga enak nnya calonnya
Terima kasih sblmnyaa 🙏🙏🙏

17f this year and around dec last year i had my first relationship 😍 it was a bsfs to lovers kinda thing and i genuinely loved him very much but throughout the time we dated, i often found myself questioning whether i liked him too much or if he didnt feel the same way i did. timeskip to one day before our first month tgt my mom CAUGJT ME then she took back all my devices and pretty much put me on home arrest ✌️😩 then i texted him on my dads spare phone and asked if he wanted to break up and he was quite adamant on staying tgt so i was cool w it. around the start of feb he started jc and whenever i texted him, his replies were super half assed. i didnt care much ab it at first cuz i thought ‘oh maybe schs just really stressful’ and this thing would be once-off yk 😔 then it wasnt and it progressed the next few days i texted him where he would just say “ok”, “lol”, “thanks”. ATP MY BRAIN WAS A MESS - firstly i had no one to go to for advice on this cuz my fam is really strict on the no dating while in school rule and it would be insane for me to rant to them ab this and i guess i was pretty insecure of myself bc hes with his people in jc (we’re of different ethnicities). plus while we were still friends he would ALWAYS go about those abgs or wtvtf u call them and thinking that hes just surrounded by them in school made my blood boil 🤣🤣🤣 few days after this i went to text him and mind you i quadruple texted (THEY WERE PRETTY LONG BTW) and his replies were fucking one worded or just dry asf. I HAD ENOUGH!!! i asked if we could breakup (asked not demanded) and all he said was ‘why’ i think. my guy didnt even attempt to fight back and that proved my suspicions right 😭 few days after the breakup i borrowed my neighbours spare phone to text him cuz i was so distraught and i gave a detailed explanation why i decided to do what i did and his response was ‘idt we wldve lasted anyw lol’ 😔😔😔 then i asked my mom if could stay with my aunt in sydney to just get away from everyth and she allowed it. so from mid feb to late april, i stayed with my aunt. i got back on the 26 and im in poly alr idk what to do all ik is that i miss him but he doesnt give a shit!!!!!

Good morning these are just some earnings. I checked since 7AM, for reports yesterday after the bell:
IBCP 85 ITGR 75 HESM 60 SHYF 65 GEV 70 FCN 90 UBSI 60 TSCO 60 SPGI 90 UNP 70 CMCSA 70 PHIN 75 HOUS 55 LYTS 65 HES 99 LECO 60
HTZ 50 EME 95 IMAX 70 CNOB 60 MPX 55 KEX 85 ABG 75 ULBI 90 BFH 55
VLY 60 KDP 65 TW 70 POOL 55 SRCL 60 OPRA 70 ARCH 65 NDAQ 60
AAL 60 [Strong Guidance] MO 60 BMY 65 VC 60 LH 65 AOS 60 GTX 65
ADT 55 HZO 50 HOG 70 NOC 80 STRA 75 RES 55 RS 65 CNX 20! YIKES!
FTI 80 SAH 60 IP 55 LUV 55 MBLY 60 CBZ 75 CARR 65 AIT 65 CAT 60
DAR 55 LAZ 90 FCNCA 70 IIIN 60 WEX 60 TXT 60 CMS 60 DOV 65 MRK 80
RCL 85 [Strong Guidance too] AMAL 65 TRU 75 VLO 60 PCG 60 BC 65 XEL 60
OSK 85 TPH 90 WTW 60 WNS 70 HON 65 FCFS 60 WST 65 DOW 65
SBSI 60 ALLE 60 CHKP 65 TAL 80 UXIN 60 OII 85 CDMO 55 HLX 55 AZN 90
STM 55 EQNR 60 FBMS 70 CLB 55 WM 60 TER 65 TCBX 65 OBK 65 CBAN 65
CLS 75 MEOH 70 VIST 55 ALRS 65 ORN 60 CHX 70 MORN 75 AGI 70
TOWN 60 INBK 70 PMT 60 AMED 65 CVBF 60 UHS 80 ATNI 55 HP 60
WCN 65 AMSF 65 GSHD 65 PEGA 60 LOB 60 SLM 85 KALU 70 PLXS 65
ORLY 60 FAF 55 MTH 90 SNBR 60 CNMD 70 EHC 75 STC 75 ICLR 60 URI 75
TX 95 MOH 75 TYL 75 WU 65 CMG 85 [But Tech valuation?] WHR 70 JAKK 55
NOW 80 [Valuation] IBM 60 ETD 50 LRCX 70 F 70
META 90 [Guidance and META AI spending]
​
I am getting ready for 2 closings set for next Thursday or Friday so I will be doing a lot of that. I spent over 2 hours on earnings so I will have to cut this short.
GDP came in at 1.6%, lower than the 2.4% expected. To be honest I am shocked we are over flat! We have been running hot!
I am surprised that unemployment is still 3.8%-3.9%.
I expected with the rates high, inflation… that people would slow spending, sales would come down, earnings would slow or come down, GDP may go negative.. so I am surprised. I believe we are being funded by Debt.. That is my opinion.
I have not checked final earnings for SP500 2023, but I believe it will be near 220. I have 2024 at 235 or about 5% growth…. I do not know for sure so far if we will see that. Analysts have it about 243 now. [Start of year was 246] We are trading at near 22-23x and we may not achieve this earnings and sales…
META had very good earnings and sales… Awesome, especially for its size… maybe they are sand bagging on the 2nd quarter? They will be spending more in AI and META which the street doesn’t like… however this cash machine has been doing that already and putting out awesome earnings the last 3 quarters… I may buy the dip!
5 trade Ideas:
META – I do not want shares but may buy calls with time. [Leaps 1 year or more] Let me see
TSLA – When it flew to 168 I was looking at puts, let us see, the earnings were pathetic!
PGNY – I am in 500 at 32.05
MTCH – I did bid 31.25 yesterday, but it didn’t drop that much, let us see
YOU – They smashed earnings, dividend, special dividend, buyback and has come down
The contents of this post are for information and entertainment purposes only and does not constitute financial, accounting, or legal advice. ... By choosing to make a trade you are responsible for your own actions. Please do some due diligence. These are trades I am making and you can follow along. If you make a winning trade, I do not even expect a bravo or thanks but that’s fine, if you lose on a trade the same difference.. I do not even expect an upvote or reward… The Elite team is aware of the risks and volatility in the market.
Good luck everyone let’s make money. Share trades, ideas here during trading hours. Our main goal here is to make money so I hope we can help eachother. I will be in and out of here as well.
​

I am trying to understand the pathophysiology behind this case. it happened about 6 months ago, and it still boggles me this day. To preface this, my background is as a trauma/Cardiac/Transplant ICU nurse, in a hospital with a dedicated Neuro ICU that would typically manage these cases by a very smart and dedicated neurointensivist. The neurointensivist in the case prefaced by saying the entirety of the shock state was neurological in nature, but my biases in my experience had me believe it was cardiac in origin. I want to have better answers because this was so far removed from my day to day experiences with hemodynamic instability that i could stand to learn a lot about the hemodynamic changes occurring in a large vessel occlusion.
The Case:
This was a 50M with a past history of a-fib on eliquis and metoprolol. Family found him at the dinner table unresponsive after they had a meal and went out for a few hours; patient reported feeling unwell for a week prior to that. Family endorsed upper respiratory symptoms.
EMS scoops him and BVMs him because his O2 is 60%. arrives to the ED where he is promptly intubated. Immediate post-intubation, an ABG is drawn that shows PaCO2~75 HCO3~23, ph 7.1, SaO2~70% and PaO2~ 50s. Vital signs were: Afib rate 80s, BP260s/130s, afebrile.
The patient was taken for a CT chest (which i did not ever look at) and them sent to the MICU, where it was received by the night shift. The Patient was promptly started on a Nicardipine drip, which was quickly maxed out at 15mg/hr with a target BP of 180 SBP. 1 hour post intubation ABG reveals respiratory acidosis resolved down to PaCO2 of 35, and further hypoxemia is not evident both on SPo2 readings nor on SaO2. Vent fiO2 was adjusted to 35% at this time and the vent rate was dropped. There is some concern this may be neurological. A STAT CT head revealed a Basilar Stroke. At this point they were probably close to 13 hours out from LKW, and I’m not 100% sure why a thrombectomy was not decided on or attempted, but medical management was pursued at this point. At this point, I assumed care of this patient at shift change. Family reveals he ran out of eliquis a week ago, and was going to pick up his next dose soon.
Neuro assessment revealed a positive weak cough, and large 6mm equal, very sluggishly reactive pupils. BP still high, but managing to get right at 200/100BPs on maxed out cardene drip. The patients heart is beating out of their chest, a-fib rate 90-100.
I am slowly coming down on the drip at this point without having transitioned to anything. No other sedation on. The first hours I’ve cut the cardene in half, meeting goal BP @180. The second hour I’ve completely turned it off for a SBP of 160, sustained. A fib RVR rate 120s. Red flags just got redder. Patient is febrile to 105F, I contact neuro PA and we put him on TTM to achieve normothermia.
Cardiology comes by. 25mg Metoprolol by NGT then reassess. SBP at this point is around 105/70s. I mention this to the cardiologist at bedside, and the decision is made to still give it because it wasn’t a large dose. I assess neuron status and pupils are dilated and airway reflexes are lost. Troponin in mildly elevated, BNP is also only mildly elevated.
I call Neuro-Intensivist because this patient’s shock index is rapidly rising. PA is sent down to evaluate and we agree this patient may require levo, as the blood pressure is dropping in front of our eyes. I start levo, with a decent response, and the PA leaves after being satisfied.
About thirty minutes after, the patient remains in a-fib RVR rate 120s from a conduction standpoint, but the Pulsox reveals a mechanical pulsatility at the fingertips to be around 40 bpm. whereas before I could see this patients heart beating out of their chest, this was no longer the case. I flag down a resident I know to quietly quickly probe his chest so I can see what the patients heart is doing, so I have cause for concern. EF looked about 30% at best, and the heart was effectively beating about 40 bpm. Views were affected by the TTM cooling pads so while disconcerting for cause, not the most accurate view. Sluggish cap refill and cold extremities (although TTM may have contributed).
Neuro PA puts an art line in, art line rate correlates with pulsox, BP is in the dirt, max out levo, and start vasopressin, he says. Neurointensivist comes to the bedside, says this shock state is all Neuro, and asks to transfer the patient upstairs to his ICU, and also that the patient is very fucked.
Chem8 drawn off the art line revealed normal sodium of 140 unchanged from arrival, a rising chloride and dropping bicarb to about 17, with no change in anion gap from prior labs. Hypertonic saline was not given during the time frame. Urine output dropped off steeply when the hemodynamic instability started. At some point I had gotten a VBG off a new central line, which showed a low SvO2, but I don’t remember specifics. It did also correlate a developing NAGMA.
I transferred the patient, and I would’ve walked away from that case thinking that the patient probably want into cardiogenic shock from the perfusion demand the brain was placing on the heart if the intensivist hadn’t said this case of shock was 100% Neuro. I did get one last set of numbers from a FloTrack monitor that was placed on arrival to the unit (ours were broken or in use). CI was 1.8-2.0, and SVR was about 2500 if I recall correctly.
My experience with neurogenic shock has largely been the loss of sympathetic tone in newly brain dead patients, characterized by bradycardia both mechanically and conductively. I have very little understanding of this Neuro-cardiac relationship outside of my typical experience and what we learned in nursing school (peanuts in comparison to what we learn on the job).
When I brought this case up to my wife, who is a stroke coordinator, she merely shrugged and said “Brain No Worky” and said that from a Neuro standpoint, this is more common than you think. She also outlined a similar case a few weeks prior that was attributed to a rapid correction of BP with cardene, which precipitated the shock state.
I can’t claim to know enough about this. But I was curious enough to reach out, because how does one differentiate these shock states? It seems like the devil is in the fine details, and comparing what is expected of true cardiogenic shock to what is presented. For all intents and purposes, if this patient was plopped down in front of me with zero context, my immediate reaction would’ve been separate cardiogenic shock precipitated by the loss of brain perfusion in the stroke setting and now with a low cardiac output state, the two are spiraling one another. Albeit, lungs were dry, and only mild JVD was present.
I’m interested to know what others think. The last time I posted a case here, I had so many comments lead me down a rabbit hole of education I didn’t know that I needed to know, and it helped me out clinically.

Hello everyone. This subreddit has been a lifesaver to me when I first got my puppy so I thought I'd give back. A little backstory... Before I even got her, I did all my research, bought everything, and made sure I was prepared (I was not). I also went to a local therapist and spoke about a letter defining her as an ESA since I wanted to bring her to my work. We got Mango as a 9-week-old in October. I live in North Dakota and we had snow and cold weather during that time so it was tough. She's a miniature schnauzer so still pretty hardy for winter but it was difficult nonetheless. I live on the 4th floor of an apartment building and thankfully we have an elevator but my gosh the potty training was a nightmare. We really didn't want to do puppy pads and considering we will probably be in North Dakota for the next few years, we wanted her to get used to/love the snow.
My husband and I both work full-time but I am lucky enough to work a 5-minute walk from where I live (never got a license) so for the first 3 months we had her, I would walk back twice a day to take her out of her crate to potty, play a little, and then back in. Thankfully we crate-trained from the first day but she would still whine and cry in the beginning. Then it turned into walking back just once. Eventually, once she received her rabies vaccine, I was able to start taking her to work.
Now comes the puppy blues. My gosh, they hit me hard. I cried quite a few times and was often overwhelmed. We don't have children and other than my little sister, I never really had to care for a living thing like this. The potty training was probably the worst. I was always on edge. Always watching her. I even got a camera to watch her at work while she was in the crate. When she was out playing though, that was the worst. I was always waiting for her to pee or poop or sniff or whatever. Every video or description I watched about what dogs do when they're about to pee/poop was useless since Mango was a sniffer from the start. Oh, dogs want to pee when they sniff and move around in circles? That was her 24/7! My gosh. And don't forget, taking her out via the elevator about 15 times a day back and forth and afterward, making sure her feet are clean and dry from the snow. Put on harness > carry out > elevator > pee/poop > walk back in > elevator > wipe feet. Then, an hour later, all over again. My gosh, it was exhausting. I was also getting only about 5 to 6 hours of sleep a night and was losing my mind. Not to mention the days when it was warmer and she just wanted to sniff or chase leaves and didn't pee or poop so you had to do it all over again 20 mins later. Oh, and you think I forgot about the biting? The stubbornness? The lack of attention? I don't know how you guys got your dogs to sit and down and stay at like 3 months old but she would not look at me for more than 3 seconds before getting distracted. I was confused. I did all my research... I was prepared... why do I feel so out of control then? Why is it that when I play with her, I'm not happy? I'm on high alert and stressed. I felt like the only time I could enjoy her was about 30 minutes after I took her out to pee and poop. That's it. The rest was CONSTANT VIGILANCE. It was absolutely crazy.
I looked through this subreddit and found a lot of puppy blues posts and it was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. OK! Other people are going through this too. This is normal. This is a puppy. This will get better. That helped. It helped a lot. But I was still stressed and at my wit's end. Like okay, it will end eventually but holy shit what do I do for now? I remember this one time so clearly: I took her out and then came back and put her in her crate because it was time for her to sleep. She started whining, which wasn't weird since she usually whined a bit before sleeping. I don't know what it was but I started bawling. I just started bawling. Normal routine, usual stuff, probably 1.5 months in, normal whining, but I was absolutely crying my heart out. I am not a crier and rather look at problems logically and find a solution. If I'm sad, I try to be self-aware, find the source of my sadness, and either fix it or distract myself with different techniques. I couldn't do it at that time. My husband and sister began worrying about me, but the type of person I am, I didn't want help. I wanted to train her and teach her my way and they can play. I just wasn't prepared for the feeling of doom and dread all day long.
Here comes my weird solution. Now, I'd like to preface this by saying that this wasn't a solution to the potty training or biting or training. It was a solution for my sanity. To keep me "normal".
I acted like I was a YouTuber. I have done this a lot of times in the past to get through difficult times and I started doing it organically. For example, I wake up at 5 a.m. and I'm a mess. Immediately, I imagined a GoPro attached to my head: "Good Morning, everyone. It's 5 a.m. and it's time for Mango to go out. Good Morning, Mango! Now guys, remember, when puppies are young, you want to carry them out in the morning because they might have an accident on the way. This is the new harness I got for her since she loves choking herself on her leash. Now we are going to go through the elevator. You see that piece of cardboard on the ground? If I wasn't carrying her, she'd gobble that right us. Let's grab that to throw in the trash later. Ooooohhhhhh it's cold today. Go on, Mango. Go susu. Go potty. Good girl! I got this treat bag from Amazon and I attached it to the leash so the second she goes pee/poop I can treat her. Sometimes she doesn't pee/poop immediately but I don't walk around with her too much since I want her to focus. Alright, Mango. Come back inside. See, now she can sniff in the elevator without me being worried that she will eat something she's not supposed to. I'm going to make her wait once the elevator doors open and I'll have a treat ready once I let her get out. Alright, now that we're home I got this 24-pack of small towels. I just wet them and kind of clean her paws and her face so that any lingering snow is gone. Now, it's playtime! She loves this rope and we play tug-of-war. She's still young so I am not too aggressive with it but I want her to build her muscles and also build a bond. This is the food I'm feeding her right now. I mix some water in it so it's easier for her to chew and sometimes I crumble up some treats to entice her. She isn't really interested in eating right now and doesn't seem too food motivated in general. That's ok, I can play with her a little more and see if that works. Sometimes she pukes if her stomach is empty and I'll just clean it up and give her a few dog treats to see if it'll make her feel better and fill her up a little. All right, now that she is in her crate, she's going to nap for an hour and I am going to get ready for work. I really recommend flossing your teeth in the morning and this is the face serum I am using these days..."
I know it's delusional and weird but it helped so much. It was a form of healthy detachment just for me to save my mind and my sanity. You know what they say: Delulu is the solulu! It also helped me go through the reasons I am doing what I am doing. She's a puppy. She is young. She doesn't know stuff yet. I have to teach her. I have to train her. She's just a baby. She's just a little baby.
Same thing with biting: "Guys you see how she is playing with the rope but then eventually goes to my hands/pants. This is where you want to redirect. Remember, your puppy doesn't hate you, their teeth hurt right now and they're still learning how to play. This is temporary and as long as you redirect to an acceptable toy, they will learn."
I swear to you it helped me so much. Eventually, once Mango hit around 5 months, she slept through the night and I began getting my sleep back which made everything so much better. Sleep really helped. Now, she's 8 months old and is fully potty-trained both at my home, my sister's home, and at work. She doesn't bite us anymore unless my sister or husband plays rough with her (play bites), and she is such a good listener. My husband says that sticking with that hourly potty training schedule really made her training stick well. She just finished her first heat (we hope to spay in 3 months) and she has calmed down a lot. She stares at me to communicate more, asks for cuddles more (did not cuddle before), and she's better at retention. She also presses a button to go outside now. I still take her out about 7 times a day and there are a lot of times where she doesn't pee or poop so that tells me that she just doesn't need to go as much. I think as of now she actually needs to go out 4 to 5 times a day. I'm just a worrier.
There are still lots of things we need to work on. If we are eating, and she's in her crate, she screams bloody murder. We got a crate cover and that helped. She begs for food when we are eating but sits nicely and jumps up only once in a while and we always correct her. She barks at random stuff so we make sure the blinds are closed and reward her when we can expect weird sounds. She's horrible on a leash because she's just not used to a collar but we are slowly collar-training her. She is reactive to dogs but she's fantastic with people. She doesn't love her food and food changes make her stomach sensitive but we are working on it. Every time I think about an issue I have with her now, I remember those first few months and feel so so so lucky. Cause she might not be perfect but by God, she is so much better.
I really hope this helped. In one way or another. If you have any questions, let me know!
TL;DR - Act like you're a YouTuber teaching people how to train/play with a puppy to keep yourself sane.

Novel Perahu Kertas bertemakan persahabatan, percintaan, dan idealisme seseorang. Kisah ini berawal dengan seorang remaja laki-laki yang baru saja lulus dari Sekolah Menengah Akhir (SMA) bernama Keenan. Ia adalah laki-laki yang cerdas, mempunyai minat dan bakat dalam bidang seni melukis sangat kuat.
Keenan hanya bercita-cita menjadi seorang penulis, tidak ada cita-cita lain baginya. Akan tetapi, kesepakatan antara Keenan dengan sang ayah yang mengharuskan dirinya pergi meninggal Amsterdam untuk kuliah di Indonesia, tepatnya di Fakultas Ekonomi, Bandung.
Tokoh utama lain dalam novel ini ialah Kugy. Kugy merupakan perempuan unik, mempunyai daya imaji yang sangat tinggi, kemudian bisa dibilang ia berpenampilan eksentrik cenderung berantakan. Kugy hendak berkuliah di kampus yang sama dengan Keenan, di Bandung.
Sedari kecil, Kugy memang sudah mencintai dunia perdongengan. Maka dari itu, jangan heran bila dirinya mempunyai imajinasi tinggi. Ia memiliki koleksi dan taman bacaan, serta hobi menulis cerita dongeng. Tidak lain, ia hanya bercita-cita untuk menjadi juru dongeng.
Akan tetapi, dirinya menyadari bahwa penulis atau juru dongeng bukanlah suatu profesi atau pekerjaan yang ‘menghasilkan’ dan diterima oleh lingkungan kehidupannya. Kugy memiliki cara agar dirinya tidak jauh-jauh dari dunia kepenulisan, yakni dengan melanjutkan studinya di Fakultas Sastra.

2 weeks ago I (32f) was rushed into hospital (my sister having to persuade me to go), struggling to breathe, heart was constantly racing, delirious to the point I couldn't get any words out that I wanted to, as white as a ghost, struggling to maintain my own body temperature and generally feeling unwell. I'd started struggling with my breathing a little several weeks before, but given I am overweight, I had presumed it was a combination of that and a cheat infection and so didn't seek medical help. Fast forward to the day I was rushed in, my health had dropped massively. I had some bloods taken within 10 minutes of being in A&E and they also did an ABG (blood gas test). I was wheeled back into the waiting room as is usual procedure (I'm in the UK, like many hospitals my local one is under immense pressure with a rapidly increasing population and little done to expand the infrastructure, so A & E has waiting times exeeding 5 hours just to get in minor and majors, over 20+ hours to get on to the wards unless its an extreme emergency) but had my name called within 15 minutes. The nurse rushed me into majors/resus and I was put on a blood transfusion. It turns out I was severely anaemic, with a hemoglobin level of 3.8g/ml, which I was later informed is life threatening level. I spent nearly a week in hospital, countless blood tests that left me covered from shoulder to fingers in bruises, 5 blood transfusions etc. At the time most of the staff didn't mention the severity of my condition, but given my previous job was as a health care assistant, I knew the amount of observations, tests and the fact the staff would pop in to just check on how I was feeling every hour, it was significant. Since returning home, I have had an appointment with my regular GP who has made me aware that it's shocking that I was even able to get into my own car to get to the hospital, the level I was at can cause organ failure and death. I was in abit of a bubble over it all, but it's slowly dawned on me had my sister not persuaded me, I likely wouldn't be here. I'm a mum of 2, one of my biggest fears for a long time has been the thought of leaving them without a mum (I have other health conditions that effect me day to day as it is). The reason for my post is to hopefully find others who have experienced similar, because my question is this, how did you mentally process everything you experienced? I'm finding it a little difficult, im becoming paranoid about making sure my skin isn't starting to go pale, im constantly aware of how my breathing is in case I start struggling again and I am so petrified of my levels dropping. I know I am lucky to have survived (thanks to my sister and the amazing NHS staff that cared for me is the reason that is the case) and I'm doing my best to try and keep positive thoughts, but I can't help but worry that I may not be fully out of the woods and that I could dip again...
Sorry for the long post, but I wanted to ensure I give a full picture to better understand my current mentality. T.I.A for any input given on this ❤️

This long overdue post is basically continuation of my last post about internship. It's already like next year and I have forgotten the small things but I will try to put down whatever I can remember.
That one day was the only snag in my entire postings of anesthesia I think? As time went by I noticed that while the pgs maybe quick to judge, they were also capable of changing opinions based on what they perceive. That same lady who told me that I won't get attendance was later very sweet to me when I went to the department for some pre anesthesia evaluation thingy for another patient.
To summarize anesthesia postings, it was faar better than the chaos called medicine postings 😂. The systematic way of working annd assignment of work put me into a good space. I just did whatever was clearly my part of the work and that too in the time limit given and everyone was happy.
Tiny incident - I almost passed out in one of the OTs. I had Dosa for breakfast that day and suffice to say the oil that was dripping from the dosa was making my stomach do somersaults. The AC in the OT, my tendency to develop postural hypotension? Basically feel woozy from standing for too long in a crowded place didn't help my situation. I started to see spots and felt light headed also felt that I was definitely sweating. Stepped out from the OT and went to anesthesia staff with wobbly steps like I want to sit down somewhere. The sweet lady immediately took me by hand while supporting my shoulders and led me to the duty doctor room and let me lay down on the bed there and checked my pulse. In the meantime two pgs also came in and felt my pulse. They were like we can't feel your pulse take some rest and let us know if you want anything. Asked for water and after drinking like 2 glasses I laid down and rested till I felt better. Then later I requested if I could leave early that day and she let me go.
Another incident which happened was that I did one night duty all alone by myself. In 2 weeks posting, we have like 3 night duties with like 2 other interns. My bad luck that I only had 1 other intern for my night duties because the 3rd intern only reported to dept. but never came to postings. The other cointern was unwell so he couldn't work much. Finally on our last night duty poor fellow got food poisoning and had to take like 3 days leave. That night I stayed awake the whole night in ICU. The duty pgs called a first yr pg to stay in the ICU alongside me. It was still fun tho somehow? I just sat and chatted with the nice nurses. There was one code blue that night where I got chance to help give cpr.
There was also one patient who was on atropine, she was there on 2 of my 3 night duties. At night she would blurt out random things, sing laugh etc basically atropine psychosis. She would say the funniest things and have random episodes of bursting out into songs at random times even at like 3 am.
The next morning pg asked me to do abg for all patients. And after that everyone knew me by name that was unsettling because I still didn't know names of so many pgs and nurses. I did ask my cointerns and friendly nurses for their names later tho. Also got a few chances to insert ryles tube on the same patient because he will find ways and means to pull it out like bruh even with restraints on his limbs he still yanked out the ryles tube. 🤦‍♀️ Definitely loved the ICU part of anesthesia postings more than the OT postings.
Next postings was Orthopaedics. Midway through, I had already decided to not report for next posting and go home for a much needed break. There was only one other cointern in my unit. Took me a while to get used to the idea of working in minor postings. Because somehow despite having same number of patients like in medicine there was still less work? I honestly felt like this was some next level sorcery 🤣🤣🤣 But then I realized that ortho as a dept was really independent. The PGs will do almost everything themselves. Only had to collect reports and circulate OT list and monitor vitals.
There was this one pg I was good friends with. He's from another unit so when he asked for help, I went to monitor one patient for him on a non night duty day. It didn't even come to mind that I was working or stressed. I just strod into the wards in casuals and steth at like 10pm? took manual BP of that patient and that's it? Like it was 2 hourly monitoring with the condition that if patient is stable then I don't need to monitor beyond 10pm. Come to think of it, It was a Sunday too. Wow I had come really far from my medicine postings days.
Also having only one session of rounds per day really helped set the pace for the day. This time I frankly told the PGs my tendency to faint in OTs and they were very accommodating and let me step out from the OTs whenever I felt unwell or even not attend the OTs and do ward work or other things instead. Few days into ortho, my only other cointern took leave because of some family emergency and I was alone all over again like bruh. Then thankfully one extension intern showed up 🥲🥲I even did one night duty less as opd day was my last day in ortho. Perks of being odd batch I suppose. There are only like 20 of us scattered throughout different departments so we can, with permission, opt to just not do night duty in case it falls on the last day in that department provided there were sufficient interns. The extension intern had to do night duty. Usually there are no duties during extensions but he never reported to the dept so he has to do like 15 days hence was made to do night duty.
Finally I went home for a much needed break. I did some self reflection and realised that the reason why I was such an escapist during the beginning weeks of internship is because I had yet to come into terms about how my life will be during this internship year. Also felt like I had changed somewhat by the time I left medicine postings and went through anesthesia and ortho. It's not like I was incapable of working hard it's just that I didn't know how to work properly and of course escaping cointerns didn't help.
There were no units in anesthesia and no follow ups or keeping track of patients so I could focus on getting done with whatever work I was given without having to depend on other factors. In ortho I slowly got back to working in a unit but since it was a chill department with pgs not wanting work done ASAP, I could pace myself in a way that I was in a good space mentally and actually had fun working. In the end for the first time I felt like maybe I can actually do it?

Another year, another Coachella.
I’m sitting at my desk now, neglecting work duties, and gradually coming down from what was another 10/10 weekend. This festival does not miss.
I remember people complaining about the line-up the second it dropped. Don’t worry, I was one of them too. And while I do think there is some merit to those complaints, I’ve gone to enough of these now to know that Coachella will always deliver.
When you wrap the weekend and pause to reflect, you realize (1) you can only see up to five acts a day if you’re diligent, (2) at least one act that you see every day will be highly memorable, and (3) that the overall festival experience is so much more than the line up.
For this year, Coachella was a chance for me to connect different social circles and friend groups over a single weekend. People walk into the house as complete strangers on Thursday and by Sunday are cracking inside jokes as if they’ve known each other for years. It’s a real joy to see that and I’m grateful for Coachella for helping make it happen.
Anyways. For the purposes of having a time-capsule to read back years later and to give the Weekend Two’ers some content, here are my random thoughts on the weekend:
Friday:

• Shuttles: Our group purchased shuttle passes for the first time and learned the hard way that you cannot wait until 4:00 PM to leave the house. Monroe Street was giving the 405 a run for its money. We course-corrected the following two days however and now I am 100% sold on the product. By the second day we were back in Palm Springs faster than the time it took to walk to our house in Indio last year!
• Light Crowds: We walked into Coachella on Friday fairly late but were still able to catch a great spot for the tail-end of L’Imperatrice. I couldn’t believe how quiet the fields felt. I’m guessing ~25% fewer bodies than 2022 / 2023? It may be bad for GV, but it’s AMAZING for attendees. Is this what Weekend Two’ers keep yapping on about?
• Everything, Always: The first ~20 minutes felt super disjointed. I was envisioning Jon Summit and Dom Dolla putting together original tracks, but this was more of a glorified B2B. It picked up in the second half but I think it’s fine to skip, especially with both artists playing separately on Saturday / Sunday. That being said, “Rhyme Dust” was stuck in my head the entire weekend.
• Justice: Wow. Just wow. Tied for set of the weekend! The French duo put on a master-class in visual design. I especially loved the One Night / All Night to D.A.N.C.E mash-up to close out the set. Also, can I just shout out the glow stick organizers? When those things came up after the first drop, I enthusiastically ran to my group and was like “OMG REDDIT MADE THAT HAPPEN!” Your $10 investment legitimately added to the vibes.

Saturday:

• Thuy: Some unfortunate mic issues at the start, but the set closed out strong. You could tell she was so grateful to be at Coachella. It was also a legitimate ABG convention in the Gobi but I’m not complaining!
• T-Pain: Just kidding. The demand to capacity ratio for this set was easily 10:1. “Get to the Heineken Tent early” they said. I don’t even think we managed to get within ~50 yards of the stage before tapping out. T-Pain could have probably filled the Mojave. If you want to see this set, you’re going to want to budget ~3ish hours.
• Charlotte de Witte: My surprise set of the weekend! My more “EDM-forward” friends brought our “normie” friends to CDW and we were legitimately nervous. Are they going to have fun? Is this going to be too intense? Are they going to “get it”? But those worries subsided quickly. Charlotte delivered a 10/10 energy set with some of the best visual production I’ve ever seen at Coachella.
• Gesa: My buddy and I have a tradition where we try to get as close to the rail as possible for at least one set, which is next to impossible with a large group. So we dropped the kiddos off at daycare, i.e., walked our group of ~10 to Kaskade at DoLab (which I’m sure was fire), and then headed to see the Dark Prince. The set was dope! I will caveat that the best drops came from his 2011 / 2019 discography. Gesa weaved in the new album (Gamma) here and there but I found the lyrics to actually be a bit distracting. I’d still recommend this set however!
• Tim the Bus Driver: Did anyone else get stuck with Tim the Bus Driver on the shuttle back to Palm Springs Convention Center? Dude really felt the need to do an entire stand up routine on the mic on our ~40 minute drive home. C’mon dog let people go to sleep!
• Regrets: The big miss on Saturday was not checking out Tyler, especially given Weekend One’s reviews. Sometimes the fatigue just catches up to you and you choose to call it a night early. I’ll stream Tyler’s set for Weekend 2. The silver lining is that I can now be one of those snobs that can say “I went to Coachella, did not watch a single minute of any headliner, and had an amazing time.”

Sunday:

• Hermanos Gutierrez: Four years at Coachella and I had never once stepped foot in the Sonora. One of our buddies works directly with the band so our group chose to come out and show support. Wow… TIL that Sonora is a vibe! The elevated bar in the back is so clutch. I actually ended up listening to Hermanos’ whole discography on the long drive back to LA yesterday and will make it a point to listen to more Sonora artists moving forward.
• Victoria Monet: “Smoke” came on and the entire crowd pulled out joints in unison and hotboxed the Mojave. Lmao. That’s all I have to say!
• Barry Can’t Swim: Also tied for set of the weekend and by FAR the best crowd energy! Do not miss this. The set reminded me of L’Imperatrice in the Gobi in terms of crowd engagement. Everyone knew the assignment and was on the same page. At one point even Barry was a bit taken back at how turned up everyone was. It’s that kind of small tent magic that’s only possible in Mojave / Gobi!
• Yuma (Folamour / ARTBAT): First time stepping into Yuma since 2019. I forget that this is a completely different take on Coachella. If you wanted to, you could drop acid for three straight days and not leave the Yuma the whole weekend. I’m sure people do. I get it now.
• Jon Summit: Was this crowd bigger than Doja? We didn’t actually manage to get into the Sahara and it felt like I was at EDC with people weaving in and out every minute. I was very jealous of everyone that got to watch this set from the hill. Oh well. The Temper Trap appearance still made this a worthwhile close-out for the festival.

And that’s a wrap. It’ll be a long ~360 days, but I’m already looking forward to 2025. Weekend Two’ers, I pass the mantle to you!

**PLEASE READ BEFORE LOOKING!!!!*\*
**ABSOLUTLEY NO SPLITS, PLEASE DONT ASK!!*\*
**SLASHED PRICES, MAKE AN OFFER!*\*
**ALL MANGA WAS KEPT IN A SMOKE FREE HOME, MORE PICS ON REQUEST*\*
**IF YOU BUY MULTIPLE LOTS I CAN CUT A DEAL*\*
TIMESTAMP PICS: https://imgur.com/a/5WDZ1D3
**EVERYTHING IN TIMESTAMP PIC MAY NOT BE AVAILIBLE, CHECK LISTING!!!*\*
Freezing 1-26 Complete $615 Shipped
All volumes are in very good to good condition with little to no wear.
Minor yellowing on a few volumes.
Link to pictures: https://imgur.com/a/6gSb2ar
Blood Blockade Battlefront Complete $440 Shipped
All volumes are in very good to good condition with little to no wear.
Link to pictures: https://imgur.com/a/cYFhGim
Dragons Rioting 1-9 Complete $170 Shipped
All volumes are in very good to good condition with little to no wear.
Minor yellowing on a few volumes.
Volumes 2&3 fell over on my shelf so have a little wave. I put weight on top to straighten them back out.
Link to pictures: https://imgur.com/a/vuu3y0q
Drifting Classroom 1-11 Complete $150 Shipped
All volumes are in fair to good condition with minimal to some wear.
Some volumes have yellowing from age.
No major damages or defects to any volumes.
Link to pictures: https://imgur.com/a/qTgKBWg
GON Paradox Press Volumes 1-8 + Color Spectacular $80 Shipped
All Volumes are in fair condition for age (1996).
Volumes have wear and yellowing.
Link to pictures: https://imgur.com/a/OskbAbg
One Piece 1-3,9,24-77 $190 Shipped
All volumes are in good condition with little wear.
Manga has a little yellowing from age.
Link to pictures: https://imgur.com/a/8et3lZN
Andromeda Stories 1-3 Complete $80 Shipped
All volumes are in good condition with little wear.
Manga has some yellowing from age.
Link to pictures: https://imgur.com/a/CCxOL1N
Brides Story 1&6 $22 Shipped
All volumes are in good condition with little wear.
Link to pictures: https://imgur.com/a/w44a98r
Arm of Kannon Volume 5 $20 Shipped
Volume is in good condition with some wear on corners.
Link to pictures: https://imgur.com/a/BOKgcfI

I’ve got your standard terrace house concrete yard (stretch of it down the side of the house and then a square at the bottom up to the wall)
It’s west facing and all just a bit dingy
I’m thinking of decking down the side of the house and then either
A) decking the square at the bottom too
B) putting some plastic grid stuff- like below- then shoving artificial grass on it
https://youtu.be/ABgAbGAbFWM?si=gZGfb_Q-Ljcb69Q-
With artificial grass ontop (I’d much prefer real grass but I don’t think that’s a possibility (I’m not sure we can dig up the concrete etc)
I’ve got a 2 year old so have a bit of space for her to play on, have her slide on when it’s nice etc
We’re then doing to put flowers in planters all around the edge
So thoughts on plan A vs Plan B and….and artificial grass not truly awful?

My mother wrong doing to the family:

1. After ayah died she tried to chase aishah(my adopted lil sister) out of the house
2. I think she and step dad killed my dad
3. She cheated on my father when he was alive multiple times
4. In my childhood she tried multiple times to abandon me
5. After ayah death she stop putting up an act of a caring mother towards aishah
6. She stopped giving school allowance to aishah and kak midah(my nanny) or abg yuda( my nanny son) would have to give her an allowance
7. She is the living embodiment of the malay drama evil step mother exactly like a shitty malay drama
8. When my father was in the hospital a day before his death she was with a man in the car park of the hospital instead of waiting with me and rushdey in the waiting area
9. She doesn’t really love us, she just has a sense of slight responsibility towards us even worse so for aishah
10. She is barely home and mostly spent her time meeting up with men and pretending to be a teenager again instead of a mother
11. She clearly hates us for being born, even tho she was the one had sex and she could have an abortion or take contraceptive but opted not to
12. She caused most of my mental health and emotional stability to decrease my self confidence even if it is fake when i truly hate myself.
13. She had made me want to unalive myself
14. She is the reason i hated my religion but i looked back and understand i just hated how people like her use the religion as an excuse to look good on other as a tool for politics and have since respected my religion but hate the people
15. She made me understand why thanos did what he did
16. She brought off duty cops to scare me and when that didn’t work she brought 5 strange men and 2 fully dressed women cops over and dragged me out off the house to the hospital without telling me the reason and only for me to find out she wanted me to be admitted.
17. She tried to ask the doctor to put something in my file to make me sound crazy( I found that out through one of the patient that was near her and the doctor that was eavesdropping on their convo and then he told me the stuff she tried to ask)
18. Afterwards i think i have developed a weird trauma response to them because they make be physically sick, like I would feel like I wanna barf, when I see them of think of them or be near them.
19. I took a video of when they grabbed me and they took my phone away and hacked into my phone and looked at my bank statements and thru my phone without permission
20. They also open my laptop and changed the password and now I have to wait until the 23 February to be able to start my work.

im not really good at story telling so I made a list instead

I’m considering putting either Pothos, Tradescantia or Ivy in my first isopod tank when I make it. The tank is 12x12x12 inch HabiStat enclosure with a front door about 2 inches up from the bottom and a mesh lid on top.
I want to pick an easy yet fun species, so perhaps Zebras or Magic Potions. They also like more ventilation afaik which seems ideal.
Should I just go full substrate or have a small drainage layer? I want to avoid the drainage layer becoming a death trap, and also avoid it resulting in the substrate being shallow to accommodate it.
I do want to avoid substrate changes too if possible as I dislike the idea of killing and disturbing the isopods/springtails, which plants may help with?
Not sure what substrate yet but I’ll either get an ABG mix or just use my excess GrowTropicals houseplant soil as it’s organic.

When I was 14, I could never get a good breath and would see stars in my vision. I could never breathe enough. I can't overstate that.
I was a very nervous person, which unfortunately caused some diagnostic overshadowing and I was prescribed Ativan to take daily, indefinitely. I came to think of it as my breathing medication, because while it didn't make me breathe better, it made me care less that I couldn't breathe well. I had to drop out of all sports and couldn't even play casual tennis which is something I had loved. I got less and less healthy over time.
I went to college, and the summer before I went my dad weaned me off the Ativan. I went to college and had constant breathlessness trying to walk to classes. I went to the student health center, and the doctor I saw was incensed that my dad had taken me off the Ativan without a doctor being involved. They refused to see me until I saw the school psychiatrist, who was really old-fashioned--was in his 70s or 80s perhaps. By this point (2001) I knew what benzodiazepines were and insisted I wanted no benzodiazepines, and he said he loved Klonopin and that it worked like a benzodiazepine but wasn't one (which I know now isn't true). I was put on that, and my physical and mental health got worse and worse, and he then added Ativan on top of it. I was on it for so long and by the time I had to drop out of college the next doctor I saw said I was too autonomically unstable to stop them, but streamlined me to just being on Ativan again.
It wasn't until my 20s when I was at a dentist that he wanted to show off his new equipment for conscious sedation that he put a pulse ox on me, and my oxygen was 92% which he said was concerning.
It had never been tested before that.
I started monitoring it myself, and it was always in the low 90s (this was at sea level).
We had a family vacation to a mountain at 3,500 feet, which is not that high of an elevation, but while I was there I had what should have been treated as a medical emergency but wasn't (my parents were very controlling and said they would kick me out of the house when we returned if I called 911—they have a religious background opposed to medicine, but strangely not psychiatric medicine, and especially opposed to emergency care). Anyhow, I was urinating massive amounts. My pulse was in the 170s even taking bisoprolol. And my oxygen was in the mid 80s. Eventually my sister drove me home after me pleading. It was torture. I felt like I was being suffocated and stuck on that mountain.
The symptoms went away when I got back to sea level.
My PCP who had not been concerned about my 02 in the low 90s (he thought it was from deconditioning) finally agreed to let me see a pulmonologist after the mountain trip.
The testing back at sea level.
The pulmonologist did an ABG and PFT which he said were "normal enough."
Regarding the ABG, my pulse ox at the time the blood was drawn matched exactly what their calculation of my oxygen saturation says, but it was unusually high for me because I was anxious and breathing much harder than usual. I had read you're supposed to lie down and have your arm resting in a certain way for an ABG, but they did it right away with no real prep. It was extremely fast, and I'm not sure if it was done correctly.
The reason I'm looking back at the ABG and PFT now is twofold: I just moved cross country which meant having to drive with my parents across high elevations and also because I am trying to find a new PCP and so I am collecting my old medical records and was looking at these.
Before driving cross country, I had asked my PCP if he would prescribe oxygen because of what happened at the mountain at 3,500 feet. He said his hands were tied because my oxygen would need to consistently be below 88% to get insurance to cover oxygen. My oxygen at sea level is 88-94%. I never see it above 94% usually.
I ended up buying recreational oxygen that athletes use for sports recovery to have in the car with me. It barely helped. Driving cross country just getting to 3,000 feet my oxygen started dropping and when we stopped to use the bathroom at around 3,000 feet my heart was again racing out of control and it was even worse than the mountain trip (I'm older and health has gotten worse over time since then).
The lowest I saw my oxygen was at 82% going cross country. I just tried to stay as still as possible lying in the back of the van and used the recreational oxygen. We drove a southern route to minimize elevation as much as possible (but it still got up to 6000 some feet) and drove nonstop for two days so I wouldn't have to sleep in the higher elevations.
These are the ABG and PFT from 2017 (at sea level):
https://imgur.com/a/QE6dB0M
​
Other info: My former psychiatrist tested her entire panel with an EBV antibody panel of tests, which at the time I thought was sort of a "woo" thing. But I was the only one who came back positive for all four types of antibodies showing current infection. My PCP continued doing serial testing and I never not tested positive. My PCR for EBV was also positive at times. My initial breathing problems in high school before being put on Ativan followed a viral infection that may very well have been EBV. A lot of what I have seen people describe as Long Covid is exactly what I experienced in high school (obviously long before Covid existed), except I had no outlet or info. I fully bought into the anxiety diagnosis and Ativan as treatment. I didn't become skeptical of it until much later. But looking back on it, my complaints were of breathlessness, complete lack of stamina (going from a 7 minute mile to having trouble just walking to classes), seeing stars, constant fatigue (and again this was before the Ativan--the Ativan inexplicably was the treatment for all this). My nervous disposition was blamed for all this, but I was not anxious about playing tennis, for example. I loved playing tennis. I just stopped being able to do it. I became virtually bedbound over time and everyone around me just sort of . . . I don't know how to put it. It just became normal that I wasn't normal without anyone looking into it.
My PCP never had any proposed treatment for the EBV and didn't even know what to make of it. I only during Covid started thinking of that result more because of how much my symptoms seemed to parallel exactly what people with Long Covid said they were experiencing and it made me wonder more if it was EBV. He also tested me for HHV-6 and I also always have a current active infection for that according to serology at least. Again, I have all this info but have never had anyone make sense of it or tell me if there is anything to be done with it. I add it in case it's related to the oxygen issues.
Because I'm used to people saying it must be my pulse ox when I first tell them my oxygen, the pulse oxes I used cross country when I desatted to 82% were a Nonin Vantage 9590 and a Masimo MightySat to confirm. They have always matched clinical values. Apple Watch could not get a reading cross country when I desatted, which I mention just out of interest because I was curious myself to see how it would work in a desaturation setting.
I now live at sea level again (moved from east coast to west coast). And my oxygen is again 88-94%. I'm waiting to get in to see a new PCP. At least according to my last PCP insurance won't cover oxygen at my levels, but in finding my records for seeing a new PCP and because of the trip I went down the rabbit hole of wondering again if something had been overlooked in the ABG and PFT tests. Obviously there are abnormal values, but I was told they were normal enough.
These were the comments from the portal for the testing:
"PFT: Normal FEV1 and FVC. TLC and RV increased. Various methodological factors can influence this. No clear-cut asthma, TB, or PE/DVT."

In my story I'm describing several real people. And one of them is dark skinned.
And ... without it looking unpleasant, their skin is reflective? Like, the light reflects off their cheek or nose, and it looks good, but when I try to put it into words, oily skin sounds disparaging. Reflective skin tone creates a whole different image.
Anyone found some complimentary words to describe this phenomena?
I've linked an example of trait im trying to describe an example.

Where I work gets 100% totality during the eclipse. It just happened, actually. But this past week at work, I have seen more craziness than my entire nursing career combined (I’ve only been a nurse since last August but still lol). I work in the ICU at a small hospital. We are the only ICU at this hospital. We get med surg, step downs, and criticals. I worked on this unit as a tech when Covid was really bad and I would compare the insanity of this past week to how the unit was during the height of Covid. Let me break it down:
-Wednesday: this day was fine but still important info. I had 1 stepdown and 2 med surg. I discharged one of my med surg patients off the floor and to a med surg floor. My stepdown had surgery on a septic shoulder due to arthritis a few days before, and was going to be discharged to a facility the next day (Thursday).
-Thursday: I get the same stepdown patient again, and she was supposed to discharge to her facility that day. She was doing great. A&Ox4, eating, getting up to chair, laughing and making jokes, totally fine. PT got her up to the chair with a hoyer lift (very weak legs at baseline) and in the middle of her taking and laughing, her face goes completely blank. She wouldn’t respond to anything and she would say anything. It seemed like receptive and expressive aphasia. I call doc, he comes up and does a stroke work up. He isn’t fully convinced she is stroking because she doesn’t really have any stroke symptoms other than the aphasia… everything was fine bilaterally EXCEPT she couldn’t follow his finger to the right, but she was blind in the right eye, so we didn’t think much. We take her to STAT CT. She comes back up, still in the same state she was before. CT was negative. All of the sudden, after not talking or interacting for over an hour, she looks off to her right side and starts SCREAMING and sobbing. Then she looks out the window and starts saying “they’re here! They’re here!” All the while I’m trying to calm her down but it’s like she has no idea I’m right there. Then she stopped and was fine for a few minutes. Then she looks off to the left, starts screaming bloody murder and sobbing again, and the entire left side of her face completely scrunches up and she starts having a massive seizure. No history of seizures. I call a rapid, we intubate because she stopped breathing. Her body was still contracted for like 2 whole hours after the rapid and I assume she was still seizing despite giving lots of seizure meds. We sent her to a different hospital for continuous EEG.
-Saturday: I come in to work and see that I am assigned two critical patients. No big deal, except after I go see both patients, I realize they are both extremely unstable. Patient 1 was a 30 year old woman with epiglottitis on bipap and extremely lethargic. She sounded like a literal duck. ABGs were showing increasing CO2. She was a difficult airway, so if she needed to be intubated, she had to go to OR. patient 2 was a 45 year old man with Covid who was tubed and on max vent settings and still only satting 84%. To make matters even worse, I ran out of my vyvanse so I hadn’t taken any that morning and I was barely functioning lol. I was worried something emergent would happen with patient 1 while I was stuck in patient 2’s covid room, so I told my charge nurse I was uncomfortable with my assignment. Thankfully, she was able to switch things around, so someone else took patient 1 and I kept patient 2. A couple hours later, doc says let’s paralyze and prone patient 2 because he’s just not satting well. At the same time, patient 1 (who I gave up) had to go to the OR for emergent intubation due to her difficult airway. Thank fuck I gave up one of the patients. Later that day, a rapid response happened on a med surg floor so that patient got transferred to my floor. She came to us freshly intubated. As soon as she gets to my floor, she codes. I run in to help, only to realize it’s the med surge patient that I had discharged off of the floor and onto a med surg floor on Wednesday. WTF she was literally fine??? Anyways, as we code her, there is blood continuously pouring out of her ETT tube. I have never seen so much blood come out of someone in my life. This was the messiest, scariest code I have ever seen. We coded her for over an hour as she continued to spew blood everywhere, and eventually the doctor called it. She died.
-Sunday: I get my Covid patient back who is now proned and paralyzed, so he is a 1:1 assignment. He was great all day, actually improved a bit. But there were 3 rapid responses on other units of the hospital and all 3 came to my floor. 3 rapid responses in one day is literally unheard of at my hospital. Then, at the end of the day, I had finished everything for my patient so I offered help to other nurses. Randomly this one med surg patient drops their HR to the 30s and her MAP drops to the 50s. wtf she was literally fine all day. She could get up on her own and eat and everything. Anyways, she didn’t have any IVs so we rushed to put 2 in. Pushed atropine twice and it literally did nothing. The nurse asks me to go hang atbx on her other patient so she can focus on this one, so I do. I go into the other patients room and wife says she’s not feeling good. She is uncontrollably shaking and just looks awful. We took vitals and sugar, sugar was 80 and temp was 100.7. She could barely walk to the bathroom because she was so shaky all of the sudden. So I call a code assist. Doc comes up and takes her to the ER.
I called for 2 emergencies this week. That’s more than I have ever called. So much happened. I am in complete shock. I am blaming the eclipse because what. The. Fuck.

Kemanusiaan yang adil dan beradab
- Sila kedua Pancasila

The world’s eyes are currently on Gaza right now, and for VERY good reasons. After Hamas’s October 7th attack, Israel has razed the entirety of Gaza to the ground with missile strikes, in addition to the deliberate starvation of the population in Gaza of any kind of aid like food, water, fuel, and medicine as collective punishment. Many, and I mean many, war crimes have been documented being committed by the IDF including massacres of innocent civilians, rape, and torture. Israeli officials, soldiers, and segments of the public have been astonishingly clear that they want to ethnically cleanse Gaza of all Palestinians. It’s fully obvious right now that what’s happening in Gaza is a genocidal campaign being committed by the Israeli government with the full backing and funding of the US as well as parts of the Western World.
Some of you may see where I’m going with this, but I think it’s important for me to lay out an example that I’m sure most of you can see is pretty morally unjustifiable and use it to make analogies with what I’m gonna talk about, implicitly or otherwise.
As I’m sure most of you are aware by now, there’s been some recent discourse around the circulation of two video recordings that recently went viral on Indonesian social media where it showed a group of TNI soldiers torturing a Papuan man known as Definaus Kogoya inside a barrel filled with water that was contaminated with his blood. One of the videos shows the soldiers punching, kicking, and beating him in the head, while the other shows someone cutting him with a knife. The soldiers themselves recorded this.
The backlash against the TNI because of the video was so bad that the military had to apologize, investigating 42 soldiers and arresting 13 among them that were suspected of being involved in the torture. The TNI accused the man in the video of being a KKB member who was planning to commit arson, but there’s no evidence of this provided, with members of the man’s family claiming he was just fixing his roof along with another friend of his, Alianus Mirok, when TNI soldiers captured them.
After they were handed over to the police, they were released soon afterwards due to there being a lack of evidence against them. After Defianus was already tortured.
There are also some articles that state that Defianus died from his injuries, which if true would make this whole situation extra fucked.
However, this is far from the only incident of torture that has been committed by the TNI. In February of 2020, a civilian named Jusni was tortured to death by a group of 11 soldiers, with most of the perpetrators only getting 9 to 11 months in prison, and only 2 received a sentence of more than a year as well as getting fired.
Even more recently as I was making this, there was a recent article reporting on how TNI soldiers tortured a journalist in Northern Maluku for reporting on the TNI seizing a ship with minyak tanah and threatened to kill him unless he signed a deal where he promised to stop reporting on their activities and quit being a journalist.
The TNI always had a pattern of behaviour when it comes to this, with there having been 431 cases of torture in Papua by apparatuses happening all the way back from 1963 up until 2010, with only 2 having been committed against pro-independence militants, the rest of them being civilians. Of these cases, 65% of them were committed by the military, 34% by the police, and 1% by separatist militants.
Why was there such a high amount of torture by the military against civilians? Aside from the soldiers having a power complex over other people and for the most part feeling immunity from any kind of punishment, there’s another important reason, racism.

Sangat sulit (mengidentifikasi) karena mukanya hampir sama. Mereka brewok
- Mayjen Izak Pangemanan, Commander of the Cenderawasih Military Area Command, when asked by the press why the military had a hard time distinguishing between civilians and militants.

So, to be clear, because TNI soldiers were incapable of telling the difference between a regular civilian and a separatist militant, they captured civilians who weren’t even involved with the militants in the first place and since they were free to do whatever they want, tortured them. Apparently, this problem is so bad that Papuan men have a term for it, musa (muka sama) because they’re afraid that they’ll be mistakenly captured as being a part of the TPNBP and tortured by TNI soldiers.
Now, with the recent discourse surrounding the use of torture by the TNI in Papua, there’s been some comments by people I’m gonna refer to as “ultranationalists” that try to justify or defend what the TNI soldiers had done in Papua. Some of them are current soldiers that say that because TNI soldiers and POLRI men have been killed by TPNPB members, that they shouldn’t be held accountable for their actions. Then there are your netizens that will basically defend everything the military does and say that the people criticizing them are unpatriotic western bootlickers who should go to Papua themselves if they care so much about HAM.
To put this one straight, I strongly disagree with these deflections, I think they’re war crime apologias and I’m gonna spend the rest of my post arguing against them.
And just to be extra clear, when I say “war crimes,” to my understanding it means violations of international law (including torture) that are committed during an armed conflict, at least from what I read from the UN.
There are 2 main arguments I want to make for this case, the first are the political arguments and the second are the moral arguments.
Political Arguments
If we’re looking exclusively from a realpolitik perspective where the main goal is the integrity of the current borders of NKRI, then what happened in Papua, and most likely continuing to happen, is a fucking optical disaster, and undermines that goal entirely.
In Papua itself, stuff like this would radicalize the fuck out of your average Papuan person, imagine if you found out that a family member of yours was tortured by TNI soldiers and the perpetrators went scot-free, of course you would be fucking livid. It further erodes trust in the institutions of the state and galvanizes the pro-independence movement, as chances are they’ll either join one of the civilian pro-independence organizations, or if they’re in the more rural and mountainous areas take up arms with the TPNPB. TPNPB members don’t just come out of nowhere.
We’ve seen this phenomenon played out countless times already, torturing or oppressing a group of people with the aim to instil fear in a population and subdue them usually leads to the opposite effect. As an example, not long after Oct 7, support for Hamas, which advocates for armed resistance, has increased among Palestinians in both Gaza and the West Bank due to Israel’s incessant bombing of Gaza as well as increasing violence with Ultra-Orthodox settlers in the West Bank, while support for the Palestinian Authority has plummeted to the ground.
Internationally, it hurts Indonesia’s credibility on the world stage, turning public opinion against Indonesia’s handling of Papua. People often forget that one of the reasons why Western governments decided to no longer back Indonesia’s occupation of East Timor (may Henry Kissinger burn in hell) was because of the Santa Cruz massacre, in which Indonesian soldiers gunned down unarmed protesters that killed about at least 250 civilians, with footage of the massacre causing international outcry as well as pressure on Western governments to cut their support for Indonesia, similar to what we’re seeing in Gaza right now.
If your goal IS the integrity of the current Indonesian borders, then you should scream out of the top of your lungs to say that shit like this is unacceptable, because this just leads to the opposite effect.
Moral Arguments
As far as moral arguments go, it essentially boils down to this, torture is morally bad, no exceptions.
For one, torture has terrible effects on the victim. Physically, it can lead to chronic pain, brain damage, hearing and vision loss, cardiovascular and respiratory problems, and physical scars. It also psychologically traumatizes the victim, causing them to have depression, PTSD, sleep deprivation, and in the case of stripping the victim naked, strips them of their identity and causes shame.
Two, torture also affects society at large, as the use of torture can lead to its continued and increased use. If soldiers are allowed to torture someone without any consequences, that leads to the entire military feeling that they can get away with it, leading to more cases like Defianus.
The military should not have leeway when it comes to using extrajudicial punishments, as there’s the rule of law when it comes to stuff like this. The use of torture is a violation of the law itself, as Indonesia is a party of the ICCPR (International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights), which among other things include the prohibition of torture, as well as of UNCAT (United Nations Convention Against Torture). Heck even in the 1945 constitution of Indonesia itself, at verse 28G of chapter 10A (which is a chapter that focuses solely on human rights), it explicitly states the right to be free from torture.
“BuT HAM iS JuSt WeSTeRn SJW ProPagAnda” Pancasila&Orba_supporter_#315645, I dare you say that to our founding fathers.
If we legitimize extrajudicial torture as a legitimate form of punishment by the armed forces, who’s to say that the same tactics can’t be applied to you when you’re, say, protesting or criticizing the government? It sets a bad precedent that your civil rights don't need to be taken into account when it comes to the military or authorities for that matter, as well as further creating a culture of impunity among the military and police. I’m sure most of us here don’t want the return of the Orba regime.
Even if the victim was in fact a KKB member who has done some heinous shit, torture in general, aside from being a bad way to make someone tell the truth as it just leads to people lying in order to escape the pain, is just a harm to the individual and society as a whole, hence why I think it should be universally opposed.
Conclusion
So yeah, that about wraps up the main part of my long fucking Reddit post. Normally in a situation like this, I would just write a comment on a post and call it a day, but certain comments riled up my brain that I felt the need to write this all down.
I’ve seen the same logic espoused by Zionists to justify to their ongoing genocide in Palestine by blaming Hamas being said by Indonesian ultranationalists who try to justify the torture of Papuan civilians because of the actions of the KKB, which is EXTREMELY ironic to me, considering I know that these same people would consider themselves to be Pro-Palestine.
To be extra, extra clear, the killing of civilian workers as well as the burnings of public facilities by Papuan militants are completely unjustified and also constitute war crimes. In the same breath, I’m sure that some TNI soldiers feel pain from the loss of friends to KKB gunshots. But that’s the thing though, some of those people part of KKB probably joined the group at least initially because TNI soldiers did some fucked up shit towards either them or their family and friends, but that surely doesn’t justify their attacks on civilian workers on the vague assumption that they’re “spies for the enemy”, neither should that apply for the TNI (and in case the analogies weren’t obvious enough, this also applies to both Hamas and the IDF).
The insane number of comments, lies, and abuses that were levied against the Rohingya Refugees that landed in Aceh by netizens as well as Acehnese students shows to me how dehumanization rhetoric can affect basically everyone, it just depends on how susceptible you are to it. It’s the main reason why I decided to make this post in the first place. We shouldn’t fall into dehumanization rhetoric of an entire group of people just because of the actions of a few. Terrorism committed by the TPNPB should not give the military impunity to do whatever they want, and vice versa for that matter. If we do, we end up using the same justifications that Zionists use.
Di sila kedua Pancasila, dibilangnya kalau semua kemanusiaan itu adil dan beradab. Which to me certainly suggests that all people have equal rights, a.k.a., HAM (gasp, scary acronym). I’m not sure if ultranationalists Orba types who defend TNI soldiers torturing civilians and tell protesting students at BEM UI to KKN to Papua realize that they’re going against a literal principle of Pancasila but guess we all have our blind spots.
A few of the responses to this post will say that I’m just a stupid, unpatriotic, SJW who’s out of touch with the real situation in Papua, and maybe I am, but hey, at least I’m not a war crime apologist.