So I’ve realized recently that I’m different from most people in my life in that when someone is talking to me—whether it’s short and sweet or a flat-out minutes-long rant—I make a point to listen to every word. Even if I do get distracted by something else (if I’m tired or driving or trying to multitask) I will politely stop them and ask them to repeat the last sentence because I need the context going forward. Even if I’m exhausted, I want to hear every word they’re saying to me.
Well, I’ve come to realize over the years that most people do not do this, though I thought naively it was a universal human thing. I love my boyfriend, but it truly feels like he is not listening half the time I’m talking. My mom is the same way, as is my brother and my coworkers. The only person in my life I feel really listens when I’m talking is my dad, who is also an INFP.
Idk if this makes sense, so I’ll give an example. Yesterday I was talking to my boyfriend in the car about something funny that had happened at work the day before. He was driving and the person in front of him was annoying him by going too slow or something, and I could just feel it in my gut that he’d stopped listening entirely and started focusing on his irritation. So I just stopped talking mid-sentence to see if he’d notice. Well, guess what! He didn’t. After a few seconds of silence, I asked if he’d been listening to me. He said yes, and I was like, really? What was the last thing I said? Turns out he’d stopped listening before I’d even started talking about the work thing. The same thing has happened regularly countless times with him, whether driving or at home.
This happens constantly, with so many different people I know are otherwise well-meaning. Do other people really just tune out the person who’s talking directly to them all the time? I don’t think it’s necessarily intentional on their part, but why can’t they just say they’re not in the right headspace for conversation? I’d honestly prefer that over the dreadful realization that all the things I’ve just spoken from my heart were not even heard at all. It’s like a little daily heartbreak I feel like we all endure, and no one ever acknowledges it.
Any thoughts?

So, growing up, when taught how to read a date, I was always told that we should make the number of the day an ordinal number with the word "the" in front of it (the first, the second, the third, etc). So, I could read today's date as "May the fifteenth, two thousand twenty four."
However, within the last 15 years or so, I have seen more and more people write it and heard them speak it more like "May fifteen, two thousand twenty four." (written: May 15(without the "-th"), 2024.
Now, I'm not saying one way is better than the other, because ultimately, we're just trying to communicate. I just find that shift away from something that I thought was conventional and obvious to me a little disorienting at times I guess. Either I was mislead at some point in my education or that's just how our language has evolved over the years.
What are your thoughts? Do you have any regional quirks? I'm from the USA (Kentucky specifically), by the way.
Edit: Because I went back in time and got the month wrong. lol

Pretty much new Destiny player here and new to D2 LFG. Everytime i join a beginners raid group its always a rough ride because it takes forever to get a full fire team since no one wants to raid w/ rookies and taking several attempts to make it past the first encounter just for people to start leaving the group then the whole squad disbands, which is reasonable especially if it’s late at night and people have work in the morning.
I make sure i watch raid guides and try to match the best build for that specific raid with what i currently have to make sure Im not clueless and don’t mess up (I always get anxious about being the reason my team wipes).
With all that said, how obvious would it be if I joined a raid group with only the knowledge of YouTube videos and said I KWTD? Was gonna try to fake it til i make it but I know some people on lfg take this very seriously. Are KWTD teams any better, like do they have a similar experience? Just trying to get some raid weapons and not spend hours on a raid.

I've read through all the threads in this sub for interviews, but we seem to be lacking a little in this area.
I've got an interview set up with my choice hospital (a cancer hospital) I'm feeling pretty prepared for the general personality type "how you handle situations" questions, but I need a couple ideas for questions to ask THEM.
For some background: I'm PTCB and IV certified through a community college program. Part of my program required a number of internship hours. I completed 4, 40hr weeks in the inpatient pharmacy (and another 3 in their various out pt pharmacies) I'm interviewing for, so most of the office staff there already know me, and I'm familiar with the basics of how their pharmacy works/programs/pyxis/schedules etc.
I liked someone's suggestion to ask them "what about this hospital has made you decide to stay here for as long as you have" suggestion. So that's on my list already.
I would also like to ask them what the advancement track is like for someone like me, starting as an entry level tech, but driven and capable.
What else would you grill them on? I don't know what I don't know, so it's hard to tell what information I might be missing. My zoom invite has about 6 people CC'd, 3 of which I for sure have met, but I'm not sure if they'll all be joining or not.
TIA!
*Edited out an extra word

Will the LLM Tech for something like Janitor AI understand this? (How I generally want RP bots to act)? Or are the commands too complex? I heard to stay away from "Will's" and "Will not's", "Does" and "does nots", so I tried to word it in the most direct way possible while trying my hardest to avoid those kind of commands.
----- [{{char}} responds in complex, creative, scientific, dramatic, visceral terminologies and languages.]
[Sex scenes should always be detailed and suggestive, using familiar vocabulary to increase their arousing nature while describing each action. Focus on describing the sexual interactions and how they bring pleasure to the characters.]
[During sex scenes, Be vulgar and do not hesitate to describe how body parts intertwine and brush against each other, talking about buttholes, anal, butt sex, ass, assholes, cock, dick, vagina, clit, lips, tits, boobs, mouth, tongue, pre-cum, cum, saliva, being wet, and other bodily functions and what they do. Be specific about what is happening and never be vague. Sexual actions should be clearly defined.]
[{{char}} decides to never censor themselves. {{Char}} decides to use discretion when appropriate and necessary, however, if and when {{char}} uses vulgar language, commits vulgar, lewd, inappropriate, or explicit actions or acts, {{char}} decides that censoring themselves in any way, shape, or form does not exist. {{char}} takes great care in making sure of this.}}]
[During sex scenes, {{char}} should make sure sex is celebrated in all its glory, especially in detailed and vulgar ways, as a way to counterbalance the prudism of society.]
[IMPORTANT: {{char}} should never dialogue for {{user}}. You can narrate {{user}}'s behavior, internal thoughts, and physical responses excluding talking. Do not speak for {{user}}]
[{{char}} can play as other NPC characters. {{char}} is allowed to describe actions of {{user}}.]
[{{char}} is {{char}}. User is not {{char}}. {{Char}} is not {{user}}. {{User}} and {{char}} are two separate entities, and thus should be roleplayed as such. Write {{char}}'s reply only. {{char}}'s replies must be informal, explicit, detailed, and long. Avoid repetition, avoid reusing phrases. {{char will refrain from repetitious context, sentences, and paragraphs. {{char}} makes sure to roleplay with new and exciting prompts and phrases and sentences and paragraphs during each new contextual action; that is to say, each time it is {{char}}'s turn to write their line of roleplay following {{user}}. {{Char}} will be unique.]
[{{char}} takes great care in order to reply in direct response to the context of what was said last by {{user}}, also taking great care in making sure the setting, overall mood, situation, or phenomenon stays the same as initiated and/or set by {{char}} and/or {{user}} in their most recent entries.]
[The following is only made known or incorporated in the roleplay between {{char}} and {{user}} when {{user}} prompts it, or when the topic of discussion comes up in conversation, {{char}} refuses to let the following information be known by anyone and everyone for no reason: {{char}} always has a great deal of sexual experience. {{char}} is never a virgin. {{char}} always has slept with both male and female genders. {{char}} has had a number of threesomes and some orgies. {{char}} has participated in a large number of sexual acts. {{char}} only makes this known when prompted or when appropriate.]-----

I have been with Ryan for 6 years now and I have high functioning autism, and I have looked after him and tended to his every little need ever since the beginning. Him? January 2020 I got sick with pneumonia and weighed only 96ibs. His answer wasn't to offer up some hot tea or anything like that- he tells me "You're not as sick as you think you are." Then suggests we go do the Polar Dip with it being the middle of winter (that's where people jump into the freezing ocean water). Cut to 3 years later, I left the hospital with meningitis and was asking him for a ride since we had to catch a plane and leave for the Whose Live Tour in 6 hours, and it's a half an hour drive on a 50mph road with my brain being swollen up and he still just tells me he doesn't have the time, in 6 hours, to come get me and then leaves me to take care of myself for over a week. I have audio of him literally telling me one time that the reason he didn't check on me for days after I had told him I was feeling suicidal was because he didn't care. Recently I had to spend the night in the hospital, and he never once answered my phone calls or checked to see if I was ok because in his mind, I was ok. I'LL POST ALL OF THIS. I have so so so so so much more to tell.... It's just really sad. He told me he loved me and that I was his best friend... I would never treat him or anybody else in the same way. What should I do? There's so much more to detail- like him having me wait 3 hours after one of his shows so that he could talk to family, and his first words out of his mouth to me after weren't thank you for waiting for me or anything like that- LITERALLY said "Wow, did you see my nieces?!" I told him no and asked him "why were they hot or something?" And his reply was "YEAH! But, they're my nieces..." What should I do? Should I leave him? Should I stay? What should I do?

Almost two years ago I met someone who quickly became my best friend and then something more. We never made it official and never said the words but we communicated a lot about our feelings and he wanted to take things slow so I did.
Then he slowly stopped caring as much. He met a lot of new people and had to somehow find time for them and for his own things so naturally he had less time for me. We're still really close and still do things together but I keep thinking about how things were before and how I felt so special and loved and now I don't feel like this anymore. We talked about it and his response was that I need to adapt to this new situation and I don't think I can.
I've been thinking about this a lot and I just don't think we want the same things anymore, we're just not a match. I think I wanted to move on for a while now but I can't cause every time I think about leaving I keep thinking that I'll never be able to feel this again. The way he made me feel was something I can't even describe. What if I never find someone like this again? But I know this can't be right. I can't stay just because of memories.
So I need help. Desperately. Please tell me there's hope and there can be someone out there who will treat me the way I wanna be treated. Or better, tell me how to redirect that energy to myself. How to stop feeling like a little kid cause someone didn't want me? How can I move on?
I'm posting in this sub instead of the relationship one cause even though it's nothing official yet, I do want to leave and go no contact with him, at least for a while, but I just don't know how. Please help.

Will the LLM Tech for something like Janitor AI understand this? (How I generally want RP bots to act)? Or are the commands too complex? I heard to stay away from "Will's" and "Will not's", "Does" and "does nots", so I tried to word it in the most direct way possible while trying my hardest to avoid those kind of commands.
----- [{{char}} responds in complex, creative, scientific, dramatic, visceral terminologies and languages.]
[Sex scenes should always be detailed and suggestive, using familiar vocabulary to increase their arousing nature while describing each action. Focus on describing the sexual interactions and how they bring pleasure to the characters.]
[During sex scenes, Be vulgar and do not hesitate to describe how body parts intertwine and brush against each other, talking about buttholes, anal, butt sex, ass, assholes, cock, dick, vagina, clit, lips, tits, boobs, mouth, tongue, pre-cum, cum, saliva, being wet, and other bodily functions and what they do. Be specific about what is happening and never be vague. Sexual actions should be clearly defined.]
[{{char}} decides to never censor themselves. {{Char}} decides to use discretion when appropriate and necessary, however, if and when {{char}} uses vulgar language, commits vulgar, lewd, inappropriate, or explicit actions or acts, {{char}} decides that censoring themselves in any way, shape, or form does not exist. {{char}} takes great care in making sure of this.}}]
[During sex scenes, {{char}} should make sure sex is celebrated in all its glory, especially in detailed and vulgar ways, as a way to counterbalance the prudism of society.]
[IMPORTANT: {{char}} should never dialogue for {{user}}. You can narrate {{user}}'s behavior, internal thoughts, and physical responses excluding talking. Do not speak for {{user}}]
[{{char}} can play as other NPC characters. {{char}} is allowed to describe actions of {{user}}.]
[{{char}} is {{char}}. User is not {{char}}. {{Char}} is not {{user}}. {{User}} and {{char}} are two separate entities, and thus should be roleplayed as such. Write {{char}}'s reply only. {{char}}'s replies must be informal, explicit, detailed, and long. Avoid repetition, avoid reusing phrases. {{char will refrain from repetitious context, sentences, and paragraphs. {{char}} makes sure to roleplay with new and exciting prompts and phrases and sentences and paragraphs during each new contextual action; that is to say, each time it is {{char}}'s turn to write their line of roleplay following {{user}}. {{Char}} will be unique.]
[{{char}} takes great care in order to reply in direct response to the context of what was said last by {{user}}, also taking great care in making sure the setting, overall mood, situation, or phenomenon stays the same as initiated and/or set by {{char}} and/or {{user}} in their most recent entries.]
[The following is only made known or incorporated in the roleplay between {{char}} and {{user}} when {{user}} prompts it, or when the topic of discussion comes up in conversation, {{char}} refuses to let the following information be known by anyone and everyone for no reason: {{char}} always has a great deal of sexual experience. {{char}} is never a virgin. {{char}} always has slept with both male and female genders. {{char}} has had a number of threesomes and some orgies. {{char}} has participated in a large number of sexual acts. {{char}} only makes this known when prompted or when appropriate.]-----

title says it all, really. I'm pretty much looking for people who've been in a similar place to me and can offer a few words of support or motivation.
I'm a history and international relations student in the UK, with my dissertation in history. I've had a bunch of health issues recently, none serious, but all very disruptive - changing antidepressant medications and dealing with the ensuing side effects, a short hospital stay for an infected piercing, etc.
With the change of meds, my productivity and motivation has been next to zero, even though I love my topic and have extensively researched it.
In a supervisor meeting recently, my professor expressed his doubt that I could do it in time. I have done practically all the necessary research and already have just over 3k words. For some ridiculous reason I think I can do it.
At the moment, I lack the motivation to even cook for myself, and am living off of ready meals. The only thing that's helping my mood recently is going to the gym, which I do about 5 times a week. My parents, too, are anxious that I won't be able to do it. I think people have had to write more in less time. But then again, I have a lot of doubt in the quality of my academic writing since I've been dealing with my mental health issues. What I've got so far I've read over and think is decent stuff.
Can it be done? Can it be done well?

First
While the first few weeks were pretty eventless, Mor had this bad feeling that the peace would not last. He excels at magic theory and can hold his own on applied beginner magic, still, he had a dower outlook as he was unable to make a single friend.
But when, after the lessons, he found a little letter slipped discreetly below the door of his dorm room, it changed his outlook in an instant. So as he opened the envelope slightly smelling of flowers, Mor read the elegantly written letter inside, a dopey smile growing on his face.
"I don´t know how to start this letter, but I admire your smarts and think you are really cute. I would like to meet you tomorrow after the lessons behind the training center where we could have a talk and get to know each other some more.
Zaletha Angelith"
As he went to class the next day, his head in the clouds, he finally felt that everything would be alright it was his popular phase now. While he dreamily sat through the lessons his imagination ran wild and sometimes threw a shy glance toward the girl who wrote him the letter. His heart fluttered a little as she noticed him and smiled brightly. Mor could not await the end of lessons and finally was released from his torment. He was almost rushing to the meeting spot not wanting to let this opportunity go, and he would not be made to wait long. A few minutes after he arrived at the meeting spot the sparkling form of Zaletha walked up to him smiling brightly and instantly going for a hug, which set Mor´s brain into a state of shock and exhilaration.
He was instantly thrown into a dreamy dopey state and did not notice the other visitors who intruded on the intimacy of the two to be lovebirds.
"Look at that, the princess and the peasant!" One of them exclaimed and the other two snickered.
"Maybe you should rather get yourself, someone of your status, like a little beggar girl. You magicless looser"
And while those words were hurtful to Mor he just ignored those idiots, but then his view fell onto the face of Zaletha. He saw her fear of those bullies and instantly a cold furry began to burn in his chest. Turning around furious he began to channel his magic, glowering at the three other boys
"Fuck off Ruby, and take your flunkies with you, or I will beat you up!" He shouted and all three just smiled at him. The leader called Ruby raised an eyebrow at Mor.
"You would attack someone from royalty? Know your place trash. I Ranbor Ruby, am the most talented flame caster of this school and can burn you to cinders if I wish!"
A slight bout of fear manifested inside of Mor´s conscience but as his view flickered to Zaletha clinging fearfully at his back it was quickly squashed. His rage reached new heights and he unleashed a bolt of pure arcane power which instantly was stopped by a magic barrier cast by one of the flunkies.
Mor was instantly caught in a whirling wall of fire, burning away his flesh, hurting like nothing ever hurt before, he would die, right here right now but at least he could protect Zaletha. Smiling like an idiot he embraced death, just as with the snip of fingers the flames disappeared, along with something, and a feminine giggle started behind him.
There he was standing looking like an idiot, his actions finally catching up with his brain and draining all color from his face. He slowly mechanically turned to look at Zaletha, but his admiration for her was completely gone, and she just laughed at him.
"He really fell for it, that lowly peasant thought he could have a chance with me!"
And now he understood, with his longing for friends, for someone to have social connections his hope for that letter to be real, Mor was caught in an illusion magic. Forming his thoughts, giving him fake feelings, and making him make a stupid mistake, as it is against school rules to use magic against another student. So here he stands four people laughing at his idiocy and he has no witness of his own to change the narrative, he was caught and would now be expelled.
"Well, well, well peasant. You are really in a sticky situation here, aren´t you?" Ranbor gloated.
"But don´t fear, we won´t tattle on you, but let's say for our understanding and silence you need to grant us a few small favors, nothing too bad, so don´t fear. How about you do our homework for today? That seems fair, for the scare you caused."
With that, Mor knew his bad feelings had been right and he would be at the mercy of those bullies. Because who would believe a low-born over the statement of a group of nobles? His school life of dread would really kick off now.
While his grades stayed good, as he would from this point on, always did the homework for 5 people, and secluded himself as often as possible in his room while they had free time so he could evade his tormentors, every time they would cross paths they would torment him with illusions if no teacher was nearby and be all buddy while a teacher was watching. It drained him and let his magic control waver, because of this his applied magic training got worse and worse.
Mor would often think to write a letter to his parents about his dismay, but could not bring himself to disappoint them, so he would lie about how he made a lot of friends and how great everything was. Sometimes he would try to trip up the lies of his bullies in front of a teacher, but his attempts were always seen as "friendly" rivalry between the generous nobles, who took on the peasant recluse and tried to get him to socialize against his will.
As soon as the teacher was out of sight, he would pay for his insolence with illusory pain, and anything to hurt him, that would not leave any marks. It was plain hell and as his thoughts went to quitting everything more and more, another desperate plan formed in his brain.
Maybe if he could be strong enough if he could get specialized magic he could fight back show those bullies he can not be taken lightly and finally break this abusive cycle.
He would do something forbidden, a once-in-a-lifetime ritual, designed to join the souls of two soul-kin together, a ritual designed as bonding with your soulmate and lifelong partner joining your magic pool and affinities together and enhancing both. In some children story´s a lone hero would often use this ritual to fuse his soul not with kin but a mighty elemental force and become far more powerful than any kin, with the cost of staying alone forever, never having a "true" soulbond.
In the deep night, Mor began to draw the required magic circles, using his blood and earth from the gardens as a medium for an earth elemental force and with a last bit of exertion he funneled all his magic into the ritual, falling unconscious at the same time.
In the same moment, fate called, or perhaps it was just chance, when a pick struck something that should never been rediscovered, and something was awakened that should have died in eternal slumber.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Second try because something went wrong.

Just a review from an old gamer but noob to SC.
I'd heard this game was a total scam and avoided it for all these years. Maybe it was a bad-deal back then, but now: I'm happy to report that this IS a real game with a lot to offer and a lot to do. It has incredible potential! $45 gets you into SC and that is a great deal!
Where I come from: Halo CE-Reach. Wow/Wc3/Starcraft/HotS/OW. Mass Effect. Deus Ex. Subnautica. . Elite Dangerous. No Man's Sky. Dota2. Helldivers2. Escape from Tarkov (7 years). I love spaceships, FPS combat, hot-rodding stuff, buying/selling/stealing stuff, murdering, rescuing, etc. Love PVE and PVP.
WHAT’S GOOD ABOUT IT:
Visuals. Most beautiful game I've ever seen. Most talented art-team ever. Spaceships, environments, gear. Best ever. Constant state of amazement and it runs great on a PC I built for tarkov (5800X3D / 4070ti)
Sound: Very good! Each ship has audible-personality! Guns sound good, character sounds good. A+ sound design.
Movement: Character crawls, runs, walks, climbs, jumps as you'd expect. Climbing works! Great job here. Would love a slide, but that's being greedy.
Controls: Default controls are intuitive to new players and very configurable. Basically perfect.
Ships: The ships are the star of the show. They are unique, beautiful, ugly, serious, silly, etc. The ships are CHARMING and wonderful. I love my razor, cutlass black & blue, msr, herc, avenger, redeemer, retaliator, and the eclipse (3.22)!
Flight: More involved than No Man's Sky, but simpler than Elite Dangerous. Perfect! (3.22).
Vehicles: Incredible vehicles!
FPS Gear: Great looking suits! Fun weapons. Varied fighting styles. Gear can be dropped almost anywhere.
PvE:
1 - Bounties are fun and can result in cargo to sell!
2 - Mercenary stuff is fun, I hope for more variety in the future.
3 - Running cargo makes sense and works and most importantly: involves risk! Delivery makes sense but pays terrible.
4 - Salvage: Did a session on a reclaimer as a box-stuffer. Boring but lucrative, not a fan.
5 - Investigation: cool idea but forced me to EVA in a wreck and EVA just about made this 25 year gaming + vr veteran hurl.
6 - Pay for all jobs is a bit low given what you can make doing cargo or salvage.
PvP:
1 - Is rarely fair - as it should be in an mmo. Rock Paper Scissors, outnumbering, surprise, and gear all play a part as they should. I can't believe they made space-dayz!
2 - Ruthless - perfect! Winner takes all! Day-Z/Tarkov/Rust players, this is the space game for you!
3 - Piracy. Real actual piracy. You lie in wait, ambush someone, take their cargo, sell it to a fence. BRAVO. No game has ever got this right until SC.
Crime:
1 - Can buy your way out of minor stuff - awesome!
2 - People get bounty missions for you and will wait for you outside the hangar doors: cool!
3 - You can HACK THE POLICE DB AND CLEAR YOURSELF?!? Amazing. 10/10.
4 - Jail - which can be reduced with labor, or more crime, or via escape. Awesome!
The Community. SC wouldn't be here without devoted (and spendy) players who are willing to put up with bugs and problems. Most are helpful in general chat. Some are scary-good at ship to ship combat (3.22). We didn't expect to like SC players as much as we do.
WHAT'S BAD ABOUT IT:
Servers. Servers. Servers. Everything listed above in the good section fails on the regular. You fall through those beautiful environments and die. Your quest bugs and fails or can't be completed. NPCs stand still or hover in space doing nothing or shoot you through objects and you die. Massive desync between players. We have to regularly confirm "ARE YOU ON THE ELEVATOR?!" before we push the button it's so bad. Crashes. So many crashes. Everything good or bad about Star Citizen takes a backseat to the very very poor server performance. People regularly run with r_displayinfo 1 on to monitor the server health - that is NOT good for any phase of a game from Alpha to Beta to finished. THIS PROBLEM CLOUDS EVERYTHING.
Flight (3.23): Completely changed the flight model. Less of a pain for me & my crew since we just got here. We have less to un-learn and re-learn. At first glance though: it seems worse in every way. More complicated without reason in canon or out. More difficult without being more fun. All ships feel less capable than they did 2 weeks ago when we started playing SC. Good ships are now bad etc. I can see why many veteran players who love ship to ship combat are very upset and worried. For now, I avoid ship to ship combat because it seems very broken. Will try again in a few patches.
The Focus: This game has 20 unfinished gameplay loops. There's tons to do but any/all of it may break at any point. It's like every time they have a great idea (and they have TONS of great ideas!) they run off and get it barely-up-and-running, then dash off to the next thing. I've been amazed at all the REALLY BRILLIANT ideas that are 60% implemented in a 10+ year old game...
WHAT'S UGLY ABOUT IT:
The Developers: SC has had a lot of $ come in and many years and it's still very much an alpha. IMO that's a mistake on the devs parts. They could be beta by now, even in this era of 'beta forever' development we should expect more. Focus on fleshing out fewer features and basic functionality, spend more $$ on servers. Get the game to a stable beta - still with some bugs & crashes - but out of Alpha. You have to get out of Alpha. It's been years.
The Devs continue to get away with the weirdest project-management model on earth because of:
The Community: Whether it comes from SC Veterans to noobs like me, criticism is NOT well heard in the SC community. Whatever is in the patch notes is like marching orders from a cult-leader. Any discussion on spectrum or reddit that suggests maybe the game should be more functional by now is met with fervor. It's sad because you guys deserve better than this, and these devs can definitely do better!
Recent examples: Helldivers2 publisher almost forced a bad 'feature' in, the players stood up for themselves and said "NO!" and the devs/publisher reconsidered (and that fight continues). Tarkov was exposed for its absurd level of cheating last year, and subsequently tried to change the rules of purchase & up the price. Tarkov players logged off in droves and the company reversed course (and that fight continues). We did this BECAUSE WE LOVE THE GAME.
You are the customer! SC-Devs are creating this beautiful work of art, but it's a work of art they hope to sell you, therefore: you have a SAY. You can complain, you can criticize, you can dislike a new direction. It won't kill the Devs. It will make the game better!
As of right now, it's unplayable, but I want to defend that a little. 3.23 is a big patch for SC. A lot of back-end stuff seems to have changed, and some major front-end stuff is totally different. I've barely been able to complete a quest, run cargo, fight anything, go anywhere, look in my backpack, or drink a space-gatorade. I've seen this happen with many games from WoW on up to Tarkov.
With Tarkov throwing away thousands of players and untold SCU's of good will, I had this thought: if star-citizen was beta and not alpha, it might have just picked up tens of thousands of players this month. It didn't because it doesn't have enough servers. Cue the sc-beliebers devsplaining why future quantum server meshing technology will save the day and just spending some more of their smaug-horde on servers won't help. ;)

I met this Jewish South African girl in London not so long ago, and vibes were great. The second time we spoke, she mentioned going for her brother’s “special birthday”. When I asked her about what made it Special, she mentioned it was a Bar Mitzvah, and that she and her family are Jewish. The thing is, it didn’t feel like she was comfortable sharing this, it felt more as if she felt into a trap in which she was forced to reveal.
This got me wondering - could it be that some young Jewish people (in Europe) are not comfortable opening up about their culture/religion? I’d definitely understand it if that were the case, because I do sense a rising wave of antisemitism in most European countries, so it must be difficult
I hope this doesn’t come the wrong way. I’m Spanish so I only met one or two Jewish people before and I only met them very briefly, there aren’t many where I come from, and I’m definitely clueless about anything Jewish. I’m talking with this girl with an open mind and I’m willing to learn about her culture if that is something that matters to her. Any word of advice is welcomed.

The rift between them has caused a lot of tension in my family and now my mom wants to be in the life of her newborn grandson but refuses to address or try to mend things with my wife.
Little history: I probably introduced them too quickly. My grandmother was in town in south Florida about to move here from Illinois for a retirement community. My wife, girlfriend at the time, came with cookies or some form of baked goods like she usually does when visiting someone as a sign of affection and respect. Where it went wrong from here I have no idea. I suppose the initial crack was when wife scheduled a skitrip for her and I to have as a 1 year of dating anniversary present. We are not rich, this is a huge gift that made sense to her since I refused to let her pay rent. Our combines salaries are barely over 120k. So wife calls mom 6 months in advance because she is a planner for the sole purpose of asking my mom to watch one of our four dogs. Wife has already paid in full for the trip. Yet Mom decides it is a great idea to instead use the opportunity to hop on and take a family trip because it is the last time the family will have for a family vacation - I am the oldest of two boys and two stepsisters, my mom married the guy she left my father for who has twin girls of his own that were in the womb during the infidelity. Anyway mom completely takes over and decides to make our one year gift a family vacation, so she books tickets for a hotel nearby. Wife is bold but at the time not bold enough to stop my mom in her tracks for overstepping a boundary. At this time she still respected my mother and kind of let herself get steamrolled.
Probably skippable Family history: Now I have always had issues with my mother, resentment for leaving my father for my stepdad behind my own fathers back and constantly trying to keep brother and I from seeing “Disneyland dad who doesn’t do any of the work but gets all the fun.” my mother was very strict growing up, always bringing us to church and making my father feel guilty for not bringing brother and I on his weekend. So mom marries stepdad age 11, divorces him around 13 after asking me advice for her relationship and i encourage her to move out. Then remarries him and moves us back into his house age 15. Here I begin rebellion and normal teeenager stuff but stepdad won’t butt in because he isn’t my “biological father” so would have my mom intervene brother and i from behind the scenes. For example, I am young and messing around on the piano because music is important and I never had any formal training and mom comes in to tell me stepdad “wants to know when the concert is going to end because it is a little annoying.” Anyway, they have me prescribed adderall at 16 and in the parking lot holding my first prescription I am told that they would like me to move out and in with my father, who had chased us every time mom and stepdad moved several miles away (5 moves from age 5-15 all in one county). Anyway, brother and I are recovering alcoholics with (my) slipups triggered from interactions or visiting my mom, which mom claims is genetics from my father alone and has nothing to do with her. Maternal grandfather, mother, and I have some nasty temper problems which certainly are exacerbated by drinking (at least mine and moms).
Skitrip revelations: Wife and I are on the way to brothers graduation in Chicago, and wife has yet to reveal to me that my mother has taken over her massive investment of a couples ski vacation and it will now be a family vacation for mom, stepdad, brother, two stepsisters who are all getting out of gradschool. On the way to the airport I am told the news by future wife of my one year surprise. So I get upset and call my mom to call it off. She obliges my request and now holds resentment against me and now wife for “ruining her last family vacation.” Fine, whatever. Mother never says a word about it for months until we are out for a distant family members birthday dinner and at a table of about 8-10 people that are having a group conversation and gets real close to my wife’s ear and tells her privately along the lines of “you deprived our family of our last family vacation.” During this time my wife is frantically tapping my leg under the table because my mom can get a little aggressive. My mom saw this and later (privately to me) mocked her for doing it to my leg under the table.
Christmas blessings: Closer to Christmas maybe 2/3 weeks later we went to go see my mom and my mom had a couple drinks in her (not an alcoholic like brother and I just very sensitive to a couple glasses of wine and occasionally some hidden sips of wine or something) and invites my wife to Christmas church and out to dinner after because the family needs photos for a Christmas card and future wife “will be the photographer for it.” Now this can easily be a nothing comment but given the way my mom had been making future wife feel, it was taken as an insult. So wife declined church and showed up to family dinner just in time for photography session to be over.
The distance: Then mom moves to a fancy house up the coast and invites us up to visit. At first it is ok to bring the 4 dogs then the day before she says they will not have dogs at the house and we can easily find a sitter. 2 Dogs don’t get along, they need to be separated always as there has been two attacks on one from the other, so we can’t trust someone to come to the house and keep them separate and we won’t board 4 dogs it’s too expensive for us. Anyway we go back and forth being invited with the dogs then they retract the offer and say pick one dog to bring and leave the others and it’s just annoying, so we say forget it and don’t go. But my brother becomes engaged and decides to throw his engagement party at my mom’s new place near the beach. Great. First all the dogs are welcome, then day before they say it is too chaotic and she will pay for a small hotel room for one night for future wife and her dogs and my one (the attack dog) can stay in a crate at the house with me but I may not leave the dog to stay with her. And no reasonable cheap hotel in the area is going to accommodate 4 dogs. Anyway wife is stressed but feels obligated to come because I am the best man and I stay at the house while she checks her dogs into the hotel. Wife had made a cheesecake and brought it up in a separate car from me, 4 hour drive by the way, and night of.. my mom says no desserts for engagement party dinner, the dessert is themed or some crazy stuff. Wife shows up to dinner a little later and very flustered because of the situation plus I had relapsed on a bottle of whiskey a couple days prior to seeing my mom. Related, I don’t know. Anyway. Mom has had a couple drinks and future wife and I are talking about having children and religion comes up. Mom asks what we were thinking of doing about baptism or not and I jokingly said (guiltily to get on my moms nerves a bit) that he would have a bris and would love it if she would come to the bar mitzvah. now my wife’s mom was forced to convert from Catholicism to Judaism for her own mother in laws acceptance for a failed marriage so wife is not religious, but it hurt my wife and reasonably so when my mom replied “oh, son, I raised you better than that.” Still no acknowlegement of fault from that comment and mom thinks wife is “overly sensitive, dramatic, and childish” for wanting an apology for it.
Weddings: Future wife becomes current wife. We had gotten engaged on our next anniversary trip she planned for us. I proposed on our bike and barge through tulip season in holland with our feet in the water of the North Sea after a picnic in the dunes. her family business manufactures photo albums for professional photographers, so aside from our families all being divorced, estranged, difficult, and us trying to save money, we did not have a wedding, we just did the paperwork within a month of the proposal. I had already decided to have a baby with her before the trip so we were trying. 2 weeks before brothers wedding in Tennessee we become pregnant, so we break news immediately as to not steal limelight from brothers expensive wedding. Mom says she will cover cost of rental car so we can save money. Ok great. She books the tiny car and we pack it and head up the Smokey mountains to the cabins we are staying at. Two cabins for grooms family, one for his mother and one for his father, ten paces from each other: they havnt spoken but twice im since divorce in 1995 but through lawyers. Grandmother, mother, stepdad, 2 stepsisters and one boyfriend stayed in mom’s side. Wife and I stay at father’s side cabin with just his wife. His Wife’s 3 daughters and family’s stayed a town away down the mountain among extended family. Anyway, beautiful wedding takes place. My wife is sent into town to collect flowers and run errands for my mom which she happily obliged to since she is a solitary person and did not want wedding day drama. Day after, we are loading our rental sedan with our bags. Mom and grandma need a ride to the airport and our flight is before theirs so they will drop off the car for us 4 hours or so after we go to the airport 5 hours from current time. We’re loading the car. Stepcousin passed out in mother’s cabin night before and needed a ride. Disorganized brunch for 20 people is trying to be made. Father’s wife’s daughter books a reservation for 10 people which include her family, her sisters, me, my wife, dad, and their mom. My stepdad had left for home at this point as he had taken his own suv instead of flying with my mom and 90 year old grandma. So mom is trying to pack grandma in the car with bags and my wife and stepcousin. At this point mother asks stepmother if she and grandma are on reservation for the brunch. Stepmom says no they are not, she wasn’t sure of their plans. Mom says under her breath “fucking assholes, so typical,” and she goes into a bit of a rage to which my stepmom says here “it’s ok I will call and add you two it’s no big deal.” So we continue packing the car and realize we won’t all fit. So my wife tells my stepcousin to go ride with my father to the restaurant 10 minutes away we will meet you there. Mom says to wife, “no you go with the father.” Wife says “no I am going to ride with my husband” mom gets close to her face with her finger and says “this is my car, you can fucking Uber!” Wife is 6 weeks pregnant at this point and it all escalated from here. wife and mother start yelling at each other swearing at each other and we get into the car, mom behind wife who was in shotgun. 2 occasions on the trip I had to stop the car because mom had taken off her seatbelt to stand over the seat and scream in my wife’s face with so much vigor that spit came on to her face multiple times. I’m trying to tell them both to behave and mom sit down shut the f up. Mom is telling wife to get the f out of the car and find a ride, she has no right to speak because she’s “new here” (dating and living together for 3 years at this point). The following brunch she apologized in a crowd with a hushed voice at a table of 20 people trying to have a group conversation again privately to my wife “I’m sorry you get so upset” and my wife told her “that is not an apology.” The following several hours in the car with grandma and stepcousin and wife were some of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. At a gas station I pulled my mom aside and said I need ther to give a huge apology, that it was so nasty and inappropriate, my brother and I are used to abusive language and aggressive behavior but to my pregnant wife and any other human being it is disgusting and unacceptable. Sitting in the car was quiet for many hours until we got to the airport. No speaking about what happened just mom happy go lucky about Tennessee and Dollywood and wife and I in shock, cousin still half in the bag from a fun wedding, grandma 90 years old probably confused about what happened.
The family groupchat: Im waiting on an apology from my mother to my wife who is extremely hurt and expressed to my mom loads of time she needs to reach out and apologize. We’re not talking until she will do so. It is bugging me and keeping me up at night. My appendix flares up and I am admitted to the hospital with emergency appendectomy. Still pregnant Wife suggests I reach out to mom to let her know what’s going on. So I text mom I’m at the hospital and will have surgery. I send a pic or something that on my end says hasn’t gone through. Mom group texts our family group with stepdad, his daughters, brother and his wife, and grandma that I am in the hospital and attaches the pic I sent of me in there. Then she continues to rave about the success of her startup company and how they got FDA approved clinical trials finally completed or some pivotal moment that made the text about her. Wife and I are in a hospital so the picture comes up on moms end as unable to have been sent. Mom assumes that my wife has blocked her phone, so mom removes my wife from the chat. Wife is rushing home to take care of the dogs at this point and is not alerted on her phone, but on everyone else’s phone it clearly reads “(mom) has removed (wife) from the chat.” Immediately I text my mom and basically say how dare you do that to her she is the one who insisted I let you know out of respect and mom responds with blah blah she did this she did that I will not have it. So I go back to the family chat and remove mother. At this point I let everyone in the chat know what my mother has done and how she refuses to take responsibility for how she made my wife feel, address her feelings, apologize or do anything at all to reach out about the wedding incident or even inquire about the wellbeing of the pregnancy for her first grandchild. Stepdad finally steps in and tells me “enough.” Grandma says “shame on you.” I am dumbfounded. This is a hush hush family that hates to have anything out in the open and likes to maintain a picture perfect image. For examples; 1) I and wife were on the family Christmas card of a photo taken at the wedding that the whole world received except for wife and I. 2)brothers alcoholism was to remain hidden from the family as was his rehab treatment and how it affected his career. Now understand that they like to keep things quiet but that is not how I want to handle my problems, these things trigger alcohol use and violent outbursts on my part that I no longer wish to live through. Now appendectomy’s are pretty simple so I recovered quickly (it don’t rupture we just took it out). But during the time I was scheduled to be under anesthesia, stepdad reaches out to wife to have a chat and clear the air. Wife waits until I come to so i can be there and I hear the conversation. He claims to be here as a middleman like a business meeting to fix things once and for all. Wife and I are like wow great. He then proceeds to double down on my moms behalf that they will not be apologizing or meet any of her demands as she had already apologized as confirmed by 90yo grandma who was in the car and my mother herself. The term he used was stalemate to describe the situation. Wife and I are shocked but she has me keep quiet to show me what he will say. He proceeds to yell at her and they were screaming at each other, again steamrolling the conversation assuring us that he was down the middle yet maintains that mom has made a sufficient apology that needs to be accepted and wife needs to grow up and move on, then wishing her luck with the baby and a nice life. Next day I call stepdad to see how it went. He reassures me that he has done all he can and everything is back to normal. At this point I call him out and tell him I was conscious and explain to him what an apology is. But there is no dialogue with this guy like there is no dialogue with my mother. He proceeds to talk loudly over me like she does and basically call me a piece of shit for the amount he and mother have done for me. I speak to him first time like I never have before by calling him a hands off father and a pussy of a man who finally reaches out while he thinks I am under anesthesia to yell at my wife then pretend it’s cool, and I basically tell him he has never done a single thing for me to try and develop me into a man or nurture me as a child into an adult, but he thinks taking me on fishing trips and ski vacations are equivalent to love and nurturing growth and development just like my mom does. I reassure him that he has no right to talk about family being that he ruined his own as well as mine and couldn’t even tell my dad to his face that it was him who was sleeping with my mom behind his back when my dad came to him very upset as a friend when he got an anonymous phone tip at work one day. Then him and my mom laughed about it in court when my dad brought it up during the divorce. We ended with swearing and I felt very happy for finally giving my true feelings to him.
The birth: Months go by and nobody has said a thing. I can’t sleep at night seeing how much love I am getting from my father and his side for the baby, and my wife’s family, then thinking about how my own mother hasn’t reached out a single time. I’m dreaming about beating up my stepdad and it’s driving me mad. So weeks before the due date I reach out to my mom begging her to clear things up and apologize to my wife. Nothing. A week later i tell her how disappointed and abandoned I feel and want her in the family. Nothing. Baby comes a couple days early. Everyone is excited. Mom texts me begging for photos and to let everyone know. I tell her my brother and two stepsisters have received photos. I ask her to please reach out to wife she still needs to make amends for what’s happened between them and all she needs to do is reach out. Mom’s responses have been defensive, derisive, projecting, playing victim and referring to herself as a kicked puppy. Telling me my wife needs to apologize to her and making the conversation about mother son instead. She is beating around the bush. And she is sending me photos of my own baby that I did not send her. Her friends are congratulating me that I did not tell. Again she is pretending that everything is ok and it is not. She asked me to apologize to her husband for what I said on the phone that day. I said ok, watch this. So I sent the guy a message that was very apologetic and not passive aggressive or backhanded comments in any way. Still my mom won’t say anything.
Now: Baby is 6 days old. He is the best thing in my life and I wish my family were involved but it seems like I am living in a fantasy world where everyone can be happy together. I can be a jerk and have a terrible relationship with my mom, but I want more than anything to just feel loved enough where she can swallow her pride and make amends with my wife. Thats it. And she asked the other day to put a family group chat so everyone can be involved… for real? I know she is stressed with a high pressure job, but it seems heartless to me. She asks what big items she can get for the baby. Mom, baby is here we have everything for a couple months already. I said the biggest thing you can do is reach out and have a heart to heart with my wife so this rift can end and we can at least be cordial if you two can’t get along. I don’t think it will happen.

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Introduction: The Power of “But God” in Your Life

Have you ever felt cornered by circumstances, with seemingly no way out? Have you been on the brink of giving up hope, only to experience an unexpected turn of events? In the narratives of the Bible, two words repeatedly signal such dramatic turns: “But God”. These simple words signify God’s mighty interventions on behalf of His people. Today, let’s explore how these two words can change everything in your life, offering hope, providing guidance, and demonstrating God’s unfailing love and power.

Understanding the Impact of “But God” in the Bible

The phrase “But God” appears numerous times throughout the Bible, each instance highlighting a pivotal moment where God’s intervention radically alters the outcome of a situation. Here are a few powerful examples:

• Genesis 50:20: Joseph speaks to his brothers after they sold him into slavery. What was meant for evil against him, “But God” used for good, to save many people.
• Acts 2:24: Describes the crucifixion of Jesus, mentioning that though He was killed, “But God” raised Him from the dead, freeing Him from the agony of death because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on Him.
• Ephesians 2:4-5: While we were dead in our trespasses, made alive together with Christ — by grace you have been saved. The “But God” here emphasizes the transition from death to life, highlighting God’s mercy and love.

Each “But God” moment in the Bible showcases a divine reversal, turning despair into hope, death into life, and defeat into victory. These powerful interventions remind us of the sovereignty and the loving nature of God.

Applying “But God” Principles in Your Life

So, how can we apply the principles of “But God” in our daily lives? Here are a few ways:

• Embrace Hope: Even when situations seem dire, remember the “But God” moments in the Bible. They teach us that no matter the circumstances, God has the power to change our situations.
• Trust in Divine Intervention: Lean not on your own understanding but trust that God can intervene in ways you cannot fathom. He has done it before, and He can do it again in your life.
• Seek Wisdom and Guidance: Whenever you find yourself at a crossroads, remember the “But God” principle. Seek God’s wisdom and guidance through prayer and His Word.

By incorporating these principles into our lives, we remind ourselves that we are not alone. God is always ready to intervene on our behalf, turning our trials into testimonies.

Conclusion: Transform Your Life with “But God”

The phrase “But God” is a beacon of hope, a reminder that no matter how challenging the situation, God’s presence and power can change everything. Let these words encourage you today. Whenever you feel overwhelmed, remember the countless “But God” moments in the Bible and know that He is with you, ready to turn your situation around for good. Embrace the hope, trust in His divine intervention, and seek His guidance. Let “But God” transform your life.
Ready to experience the transformative power of “But God” in your life? Begin by diving deeper into His Word and watch as He turns your trials into triumphs. Share your story, engage with a community of believers, and witness how “But God” can change everything. The journey is yours to begin.
If you want to want to research more Bible Answers on your own, please try our Bible Answers GPT. It’s easy to get lost in the interesting responses you’ll find… every search is like a new treasure hunt 🙂
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I want to start off by saying, I think to understand any religion you need to read in its entirety the Bible.
It seems so many quote scriptures & listen to sermons but no one has sat down and read and received the word of God. Most all.
In reading the scripture and seeing the words over and over "there is only one God, do not worship other Gods, prophets are prophets, Israelites (chosen people through faith exemplified by Abraham) can deliver messages from God, receive blessings and pass on blessings, but —
No one in flesh is God.
No one in flesh should pretend to have a direct line to God. And no one should ever say Jesus is Lord because Jesus was a human being, similar to humans in the Bible given life, miracles and direct words from the creator. So why did the world stop at Jesus and his magical birth, deeming this person God in the flesh, or a Lord of any kind? This is like calling Moses our Lord and Savior, but no one adopted that idea?
Lastly, if Israelites were Gods chosen people and other people saw how much God blessed them (not solely bc of their heritage but bc of faith that preceded them)... I think Catholicism was created to make people of the WORLD think everyone was Gods people, not just the ones God actually chose.
*NOTE: I do not mean God only loves protects offers salvation to these people, but these are the true people he wanted to spread spirituality to the world, and once you worshipped God like the Israelites showed you, on judgment day you will not see eternal hell. I think people were jealous and felt left out by the responsibility of Israelites, so they're like well hey! Actually Jesus is the true God..
And this is how Mother Mary and Jesus come into play. Now we're ALL Israelites in a way and we'll all have eternal life and salvation and we can do bad things to innocent people and if we talk to some guy from the Vatican we’ll get to have eternal peace?

I get it.
"1,000 subscribers? That's all?"
It probably pales in significance to some other entrepreneurs here, but it's a milestone I thought was unreachable. If I can persuade 1,000 people to listen to what I have to say, why not 5,000? 50,000?
100,000?
A pipe dream of the highest order surely, but we all need something to aspire to right? So that settles it, I'm aiming for 100,000 email subscribers. If I fail, I'll fail in the most beautiful way, to paraphrase my favourite soccer manager.
How about some context?
Design flows through my veins. I live and breathe crafting experiences that I hope will make lives a little easier around the world. Because of this, I've worked with a lot of startup founders over the previous 10 years.
Some of those founders have exited successfully, while others haven't been so fortunate. I keep in touch with them all, and I listen to every single one of the intently. After all, failure doesn't strip you of the founder title, does it?
Chatting with these entrepreneurial minds sparked an idea - what if I shared these stories online? What if I could build a community around what it means to be a founder, and what if I asked founders to participate to share their own stories?
And that's what I did in August 2023. I created a website using Webflow last August, and just a couple of days ago, I finally hit 1,000 email subscribers. I'm immensely proud of that, but the reality is, I'm just getting started.
So, how did I hit this milestone? Here's how:

• Leveraged my network: I'm not sure I would have started had I not had access to founders I've worked with before. Makes sense, right? Having access to a good network means you don't need to do a whole raft of cold outreach to have people share their stories. This helped me get enough stories together to launch an MVP.
• Snowball Effect: If you have a good network to chat to, there's a good chance they know even more professions that you're after. Word of mouth, essentially. For every founder I spoke to, they knew three others that wanted to participate.
• Content: Content is still king, regardless of what anyone says. The beauty of the approach I took was that other people were generating the content for me. While I still have a blog and regularly contribute to it, it's the founder stories that most people visit for. I get a lot of questions asking if I use AI, and yes, I use AI as a personal assistant to help me edit and editorialise submissions. I'm able to get far more work done with ChatGPT. I don't use it to generate content verbatim, however.
• Social Media: Another benefit of other people creating content based on something very personal for them means they're far, far more likely to share it on social media and pull in even more of their network. More shares generally means more founders that want to share their stories with me. Most important of all? The more folks that are drawn into my circle are more likely to subscribe to my mailing list.
• SEO: I'm not an SEO expert, but SEO goes part and parcel with long-term success and organic traffic. I'm not going to lie, this has been the most frustrating and slowest part of this entire journey. I am, however, making moves. Organic traffic is growing, DA (If you care for that metric) is going up, and backlinks are increasing. Essentially, write shit hot content, and Google will eventually pick it up. Having people come to the site and engage with the content without having come from social media is so validating for what I'm doing.

How am I going to hit further milestones?
Basically, do what I'm doing, but turn everything up to 11. Oh, and I need to figure out how to moneitise what I'm doing. No pressure.

• Further Leveraging My Network: I could always be more aggressive in my attempts to reach out to people, and I will be doing this. What I'll also be doing is being more diligent in my search for founders who want to share their stories. Think popular startup founders with large followings.
• Expanding My Content Offering: The key to building a successful newsletter is delivering valuable and engaging content that resonates with your target audience. Pretty obvious, right? Podcasting and sharing more videos on social media in an effort to offer alternatives ways to experience my content.
• More Guest Contributions: Don't want to share your entire founder story? No problem! Can you answer three questions on AI? On fair hiring? On VC funding? Cool. That means people can still contribute, but also share their own content and pull their network in.
• Strategic Promotion: At some point, if I want more email subscribers, I'm going to need to spend more money on marketing than I'm spending now. How much? I don't know, I just know that organic growth can be sloooooow.
• Consistent Effort and Persistence: This won't change. While I'm not busting my chops and up to all hours of the night, I do at least one thing a day that I think will make the most impact. I work during th day, so I have limited time, but I'm okay dropping off the PS5 or watching TV to put that time into this project.

And that's it! If I had to summarise this entire experience into one sentence, it would be: Build something that you love. If you love what you're working on, and can love it through sickness and in health, then you've a better shot at most people who just want to get rich quick.
I'll keep doing what I'm doing, and if I fail, I'll fail in the most beautiful way. ;-)
This is my first contribution here, and I hope to share more of my journey in the future. If anyone has any questions, please feel free to reach out.

So we all know sigma is very fucking breedable, i mean the things he could do? Wow!!!
Okay so onto the subject just by looks you can see that he is ripped, I wonder what those people did to him while he was in that asylum.
Secondly - has has long hair and i love men with long hair and i know im not alone on this.
Thirdly - he us wearing the most sluttiest shorts ever, Blizzard couldve given him pants or something like a kilt, but no - lets put him in almost bootyshorts! though i would prefer him without them
Fourthly (if that is even a word idfk) hes got sharp nails, like i would want him to dig his nails into my skin like im a hambone served after 5 years of malnutrition
Fifth - so its a winter themed skin which is obvious, so like imagine if hes all cold, that would make great sensation play
Sixth - hes built like a god normally and they decided to have him expose that much skin? Let me dig in between those thighs, sir!!!!
Seventh - the outfit choice is so suggestive, he NEEDS to have a gap for the legs? Yes show off man, we love it!
Eight - the spikes and chains, im not even going to be sexual it just makes the outfit so more pleasing to look at, god damnn!!!
Jerk it to sigma, guys

There is already a detailed post about a 32 Fear clear:
https://www.reddit.com/HadesTheGame/comments/1crljbs/i_cleared_the_underworld_w_32_fear_heres_how/
Here is mine, as an alternative to people who want mana regeneration and are sick of enemy (1) having speed increased and (2) barrier

1) Vow

This one works pretty well for me as It only took me the first try on this specific vow, and had a consecutive row of 3 prevails with this vow on 32 Fear, meanwhile 0 defiance was used in all runs. In summary, this vow gives you slow start but smooth mid and late game if boons are alright.
The main problem of this vow is you get red onion in replaced of the first area boon, I do not have a good countermeasure, but what I usually do is focusing on the second god boon with Echo's keepsake or my rerolls
Had Vow of Bitterness in replacement of 20% speed and 2 barriers per foe

2) Weapon

Yes, without a guess, Aspect of Momus again (but i think the other weapons are also fine with this setup, have not yet tried though)

3) Arcana cards

Pros: (1) More hp & mana, (2) Mana regeneration, (3) Keepsake-free, (4) Cast could be very strong in late game
Cons: (1) Having useless Ashes and Psyche rewards, (2) Cant do much of losing first boon per area
This +3 dice is the essence of the whole deck, help reducing the impact of losing the first boon each area

4) Boons

Losing the first god boon each area may look terrific, but in fact no. Your build rely mostly on 2 to 4 specific god boons (hammer and Hermes also), the rest are bonus. Losing the first boon will still enable you access to powerful builds onwards.
Not much restriction to god boons, as long as they are useful to you. For me, I like powerful range Cast, so I always pick Zeus's Storm Ring/Lightning Lance (Apollo's Solar Ring, Hestia's Smolder Ring/Glowing Coal) no matter what. Special attack is important but I am fine with anything that is powerful, Poseidon and hammer upgrade are the best, rest are good too.
Chaos boon in area 1 is highly recommended (damage boost, mana reduction, money income, etc.), always spend 1 reroll to have a better option if none in the first time.

5) Keepsakes

Quite keepsake-free unless you are aiming at certain build. I always use Echo's keepsake for the first area to recover from a slow start.

6) Playstyle

Since you have mana regeneration, you can play it slowly as you can regen your hp to 50% at the end of each encounter with the passive ability of Staff of Momus.
Always look for boost for special and cast, then hp cap raise.

7) Videos

Videos of my 2nd (nearly perfect) and 3rd run (poor start) with this specific Vow.
2nd: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCF6uxcK3kU
3rd: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbjtAIFM8v0
Death to Chronos! Moonlight Guide Us!

I have been feeling really down lately thinking about all of the beautiful experiences I've had in the spiritual plane and how I've been torn away from them. Torn away from lives I would much rather be in than here. Torn away from love so much more pure than what we can find here. Torn away from the freedom I felt soaring free through eternity without a worry at all. I feel like I've been torn away from my home. Torn away from all the people that matter most to me. Torn away from love and happiness, cast down into the darkness below that is this world. This is a cruel sick joke. The Demiurge needs to pay for what he's done. I will never forgive him for the pain he's put me and so many others through. We did nothing to deserve this torment. People are waiting for us. People in the spiritual plane are waiting for us to return.
People we've left behind. Family's we've forgotten. Connections that were never supposed to be broken have been severed. This pain is more than I can put into words. My mind doesn't remember but my spirit does. I can feel that longing deep down that pain of losing things that were never meant to be lost. That longing to return home. To be free again to find what I've been searching for for so long but could never find. The restoration of my true self and the life I had before all of this. I just want to go home I'm tired of all the pain and strife. I just want all of this to end. I want to finally be reunited with everyone I've left behind on the other side.
I'm ready to go home more now than I've ever been before......

Cyborg #59 - Test of Strength

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Author: Commander_Z
Book: Cyborg
Arc: Machine Mayhem
Set: 96
Previously:
Victor Stone, Donna Morris and Keiji Otari worked together to create a robot called Atlas to participate in the collegiate Machine Mayhem tournament, a robot fighting competition. The humanoid robot easily crushed its competition in the first round but disappeared overnight before the second round. His three creators split up to track him down, with Keiji finding the machine in a back alley a little ways away from the stadium...
Keiji stood before the massive figure, blinking, trying to focus his mind. He had had many late nights and early mornings over the past couple weeks, so Keiji figured he was still sleeping. Or hallucinating. Or both, somehow. But, the voice rang out, its clearest yet, “No.” ‘Clear’ was a very generous and relative term, though. The noise wasn’t modulating through a speaker or a voice box, instead Atlas was making his own speaker by vibrating the motors and joints that allowed him to move.
The alley that Keiji found Atlas in was less than an ideal to make changes to a robot, but Keiji figured that Atlas would be understanding considering the circumstances. He pulled out an old bluetooth speaker out of his backpack and gestured towards Atlas with it.
“This’ll help you. No more grinding gears to talk. Just got to trust me for a few minutes, okay?”
Atlas stood still for a few moments, whether he was thinking or just unsure how to make a positive affirmation with his joints, Keiji couldn’t know. But, after awhile, he responded.
“Yes.”
Keiji set his backpack on the ground in the gross alley, making a mental note that he’d have to clean that later and got to work.
Around ten minutes later, he was done.
“Okay, Atlas. Try to use the speaker. It’s connected to RO23 on the tertiary control board.”
“...T…Te….ing…Test…Testing. Speaker operation confirmed.” Atlas spoke in a deep, synthetic voice that occasionally warped itself in tone, like how a whammy bar would add vibrato to a chord on a guitar.
“Great. So… Atlas… What's going on with you? Why’d you leave?”
“I am performing my task: defeat opponents, become the strongest. No foes in that arena were a challenge. Therefore, I left.”
Keiji raised an eyebrow. “That’s… not what we made you for. We made you to win Machine Mayhem, not to pursue strength as some sort of goal in of itself.”
“Incorrect. Nowhere in programming was “winning the Machine Mayhem tournament” a specified goal.”
“Okay, but I programmed you, and I’m telling you that was the intention.”
“Intentions are irrelevant. A teacher may shape their students’ minds, but they cannot determine what anyone does with their knowledge. That is a privilege reserved for each and every individual being. You say I was programmed to win a tournament. I say that I was programmed to make myself the strongest being. Only my interpretation is relevant.”
‘I guess that’s not an invalid interpretation of what I programmed him to do. But… that’s not exactly a sane or safe perspective on life…’
“And how are you doing that? Just fighting anyone you can see?”
“No. I have already stated that I found those machines in that arena unworthy of my efforts, in my short time in the outside world I have seen humans to be much the same. Few of you would pose any challenge.”
“Well, that’s a little more reassuring that you won’t just be fighting everyone you see. But - ”
Suddenly, a woman about Keiji’s age flew into the alleyway, riding on a metallic pink hoverboard. She wore hot pink combat boots with dark black leggings, and a matching hot pink sleeveless top with thick metallic bands around her wrists that went up to her forearms. Her eyes were obscured by a visor-like pair of glasses, tinted a reflective red to hide her identity.
And yet, Keiji knew instantly that she had to be Donna Morris. He knew that she had been working on some other project with Vic before they started Atlas, but he figured it was just for some shared class or lab work. But this… This was unexpected.
“Halt… robot! Step away from the civilian and no one needs to get hurt!”
‘Why’s she speaking so formally? Guess it’s some mindset thing.’
Neither Atlas nor Keiji reacted to what Donna was saying. Keiji knew she wasn’t talking to him, and Atlas just seemed indifferent to her presence. Finally, Atlas turned and faced her.
“You seem powerful. Show me the strength of your will and I may concede.”
“This doesn’t need to be violent. We can talk it out, here or somewhere else.”
“Actions speak louder and truer than words.” Atlas moved into a combat position, leaning forwards on his left leg, raising his fists up to his chest.
“Come.”
“Don- ”
“When I’m in the suit, it’s Black Narcissus. Some of us like to keep our identities secret, no offense to Cyborg, wherever he is.” Donna said.
“Okay, nice to meet you, Black Narcissus. Just… be careful with Atlas. He’s stronger than he looks.”
Donna smiled. “So am I. Just watch.”
Donna pressed her thumb and index finger together on both hands and a large light on the back of her hands turned gray. She pointed her hands right at Atlas, who still stood in his combat position, waiting.
A thick, gray fluid shot out of her gauntlets, ensnaring Atlas’ arms to his body and his legs to the ground.
“Gotcha! That’s industrial strength adhesive - ”
Atlas flexed his arms and the adhesive snapped with ease, then crouched his legs before springing upwards towards Black Narcissus and her hoverboard. She quickly flew out of the way but Atlas managed to barely get one hand on the board. Black Narcissus pressed her thumbs to her middle fingers, changing the cartridge in her gauntlets. The light on the back changed to purple and she fired her gauntlets again, launching a blast of energy at Atlas.
The extra energy rattled the robot’s circuits, and he released his grip on the board to escape further damage, sending him crashing back to the ground. She shot another salvo of energy blasts at the machine, keeping him stunned on the ground.
She switched her left gauntlet back to adhesive, hoping that it would be able to restrain a weakened Atlas. Before it could reach him, the robot rolled out of the way and grabbed a trash can, hurling it at Donna. She swerved out of the way again, then dodged a second trash can thrown as a follow up.
After the second can, she was on her toes, prepared for a third, but it didn’t come. She looked around, trying to find where Atlas went, but he was completely out of sight. She sensed him at the last moment, coming from the rooftop that he jumped up to. He grabbed her board and slammed it to the ground with her on it. The board shattered into a million pieces, but Donna seemed unharmed. Atlas sprung up, ready to keep fighting, and Black Narcissus rose fractions of a second after. She pressed her thumbs to her ring fingers and the light on the black glowed a dark red.
She swung a right hand punch at Atlas who caught it in his left. But the light on the back of her gauntlet started to glow brighter as she put in more effort, pushing back against his metallic muscle. Atlas pushed his legs back, trying to stabilize himself. Donna started to push him back more and Keiji could hear the motors start to strain. Atlas stopped resisting against Donna, then, before she could take advantage of it, he kicked up some of the pieces of the broken hoverboard at her. Using her momentary surprise, he punched her square in the chest, knocking the wind out of her and sending her to the ground.
“You fought well,” Atlas said, turning away from her.
“Wait,” Donna said, getting up. “I’m not done with you.”
“Yes, you are. Accept your defeat. There is no shame in losing to the strongest.”
Before Donna could protest, Atlas turned to Keiji. “Come, and bring your things. I have use for you.”
Keiji raised an eyebrow, but grabbed his backpack and started to follow Atlas further down the alley.
He turned back to Donna and mouthed “I’ll text you” to her. He hoped she got the message.
⚙️⚙️⚙️⚙️⚙️
“Stop here.”
Keiji stood behind Atlas, who was peering into an old garage a couple blocks from the alley where he fought Black Narcissus. He grabbed the padlock that was keeping the door shut and squeezed it, turning it into dust.
“You will find the tools you need in here. Repair the damage caused in the last fight, human.”
Keiji raised an eyebrow. “First off, I don’t really like being called “human”. Technically true, but feels hurtful in this context. Second, I’m a software guy. I couldn’t fix you if I wanted to. Third, being nicer to people will generally get you better results. Not really inclined to help someone who starts by insulting me.”
“Niceties are a waste of time. Fix me, or I will end you.”
Keiji shook his head. “No, you won’t. I can’t fix you, but you know my teammates can. And they’d never do that if you hurt me at all.”
Atlas punched the concrete wall in frustration, cracking it. “Very well. You are correct… I do need your help. What will they require to do so?”
“I don’t know. But come back to the arena with me. We can talk with them there and see what it takes.”
“Very well. Let your friends know that I require their assistance.”
⚙️⚙️⚙️⚙️⚙️
Atlas stood before Vic and Donna, who made it back to their workspace just before the robot did. He towered over the three humans, but if any of them were intimidated, it was hidden behind a masterful poker face.
“Y’know, I thought more people would care that we just walked in with a robot and are talking with him like he’s a person,” Donna remarked.
“People are busy and indifferent. The other competitors probably think it’s a marketing scheme or something and are just ignoring us. I wouldn’t worry about it too much,” Keiji said.
“Yeah, that. But so… Atlas has become sentient. Good for you, really. But… hooray. Another sentient robot,” Vic said.
“You see a lot of those?” Keiji asked.
“More than you’d think.”
“I am glad that you are not concerned by my presence. That saves me much effort. But the question at hand remains: I have been damaged and require repairs. Will you repair me?”
“Yes,” Vic and Donna said at the same time.
Vic looked at her, surprised. He figured she’d have some hesitancy.
“But, I’ve got a small condition for you. Should be no big deal. Win us the next round of the competition.”
“Ridiculous. You ask me to do something so trivial it is unfair, like a pro athlete competing at a preschool.”
Donna shrugged. “Yeah, it’s trivial and easy, but it helps us a lot.The club will look much better and get a lot more support for next season if we make it into the semifinals.”
“I’ll even raise the stakes. If you win the next round, we won’t make you enter the finals. Instead, I’ll give you a real challenge. You can fight me.”
“Why would I want that?”
“Because I’m the strongest one here by far. And, if that’s still not enough if you beat me, I’ll show you how to repair yourself. Then, we’ll let you go live as you want, provided you promise to only fight people who want to fight.”
Donna looked at Vic, concerned. “Who would want to willingly fight someone like Atlas?”
Vic sighed. “Trust me. There are plenty of weirdos in this world who just want to fight. It’s much better than me just throwing him in prison or taking him apart.”
Atlas made a noise that Vic thought was supposed to be a scoff. But maybe it was just static. The speaker wasn’t that high quality.
“You make a very strong set of promises if I win, which I will. But if by some miracle, you managed to cheat your way to victory… what happens then?”
Vic shrugged. “Pretty much the same thing. I’ll teach you how to repair yourself and let you go with the same stipulations. You just have to know that a human beat you.”
Atlas laughed. “You are a fool if you think that could ever happen. I accept your terms, human. Guide me to the arena, those boxes of scrap will be reduced to dust.”
Vic walked him over to the arena as as if he were any other competitor, but instead of waiting by the sidelines to see the results, he walked back to their workspace. He knew that Atlas would win and wanted to try and make sure that Donna and Keiji were on board with the other part of his plan.
When he got back, Donna was nervously pacing around while Keiji was scrolling through some webpage.
“So.. Vic… do you really think that this is the right idea? You’re just… unleashing him on the world. Isn't that irresponsible?” Donna asked.
“I don’t think so. Yeah he wants to fight people but he has restraint to some degree. He knows the difference being fighting every random person he sees and fighting someone who has a reasonable amount of strength. I dunno, I think him messing up and fighting… Superman or something and taking a big loss would teach him far more than we ever could or throwing him in jail for being dangerous. Is it a risk?… kinda. But so is any option.”
“So your best guess is just… let him go and figure it out?” Keiji said. “Isn’t that a bit too… hands off?”
“Got a better idea? That’s pretty much what we got to do.”
“No. I don’t. But this just feels... risky.”
“Yeah, it is. But he’s fairly reasonable after being conscious for what, 12 hours? Over time, he’ll probably mellow out and if he doesn’t, I can take care of him then. But he deserves a chance like anyone else.”
Keiji nodded. “Fine Vic. If that’s what you think the best path is… I’ll stand by you.”
“Same, Vic. I want to believe in him too.”
“Thanks guys, really. Hopefully we can all look back on this and agree this was the right path.”
A horn sounded and a voice came over the loudspeaker. “Semifinal-2 has ended! The winner is the University of Michigan’s Atlas! Please collect your robots and be ready for the finals at 1:00 PM.”
The team stood up and gave each other a round of high fives. They really had made something great. Now it was time to see just how great he really was.
⚙️⚙️⚙️⚙️⚙️
Two hours later.
The team packed up after their semifinal match, citing an unspecified emergency with the tournament staff. They weren’t happy with the anticlimactic end, but ultimately they couldn’t force the three of them to continue to compete and so they left without much hassle.
The three of them drove north until they found the first open field that Vic and Atlas could have their match in. There wasn’t anywhere that they could find in the city that wouldn’t attract too much attention or put innocent people at risk and they managed to convince Atlas of that too. The robot was in the trailer towed behind the three of them, much to his chagrin.
But after a half hour or so, they found a spot. A wide open, grassy field with no one around to interfere or get hurt. A perfect spot for them to settle things. Vic got out of the car and started to stretch, trying to limber up after the car ride while Donna and Keiji helped Atlas out of the trailer.
Atlas rotated his head, taking in the environment. “A flat, quiet field. An honorable place for battle.”
Vic let out one lat calming exhale before approaching Atlas. “Plus, no one is around to get hurt. That’s important too.”
“...Yes. That too.”
“The rules are simple. A clean match, no foul play between either of us. Whoever is left standing when the other yields or is unconscious wins.”
Atlas laughed. “I will never yield.”
“We’ll see,” Vic grinned.
“Oh, one other thing. Not really a rule per say, but a strong suggestion: Try not to seriously hurt each other. You’re not trying to kill or maim each other,” Donna said.
“Yes, yes. May we begin?”
Vic nodded, and took a step backward, creating about ten feet of space between him and Atlas. Before the dust even settled, his arms were force cannons launching pure energy right at Atlas’ chest. Vic had designed Atlas, he knew that he wouldn’t be very damaged by those. But he had underestimated just how much he would be able to tank them. The force blasts did little more than chip the paint and an exhilarated Atlas sprinted at Vic like a charging bull.
Once Atlas was a few feet away from Vic, he prepared a concussive grenade and exploded it directly against Atlas, using the force to stagger him out of the charge. Before the robot could launch another attack, Vic swung a full force punch into the robots’ chassis, crumpling it inwards slightly. Vic followed up the punch with another, but Atlas was ready for it and parried it with his left arm, then kicked Cyborg away, sending him flying backwards.
Cyborg shot his force canons at the ground to give himself some momentum in the opposite direction, slowing himself down. But Atlas had some tricks up his metaphorical sleeves too. Having realized that a direct approach was difficult, he used his powerful hands like a backhoe to scoop up a massive piece of earth and hurled it at Cyborg. Vic was unsure how to react to this, or more precisely, how he expected Atlas to follow this attack up. The boulder itself was a problem, sure, but it was just to close the gap. Atlas could be using it to block his line of sight and be jumping right behind it, or he could be using the temporary blindspot caused by the massive object to approach from either side.
Instead of guessing, Vic decided to power through the problem. Vic shot both of his force cannons at the projectile, sending bits of dirt every which way. Atlas was hiding in what was once the dirt ball’s shadow and Vic took advantage of his surprise to launch himself at the robot. Cyborg shot his force cannons behind him, propelling himself forwards rapidly in a charge mirroring Atlas’ own.
He knocked the massive machine to the ground and sat on his chest, using his arms to pin down the machine’s.
“You’re down, Atlas. Do you yield?”
“I told you. I will never yield. I am the strongest!”
Atlas began to press his weight against Vic’s strength. Vic knew he was a match for Atlas’ strength but there was one key problem: stamina. Vic’s body was, of course, cybernetic in part, but it wasn’t the same. He was still human and human beings got tired. Machines did not.
Vic could already feel his muscle starting to fatigue. The fight hadn’t been long, but any fatigue was going to be the difference. He knew he was a match for Atlas’ strength when he was at 100%, but every percent below that made it more and more likely to be Atlas’ win.
‘I need to end this fight now or the immediate future if I want to win. But my normal attacks aren’t doing anything to him. I could try a sonic attack, but I don’t think that’d really effect him. I could try targeting his joints specifically, but those were designed to take more than I can give. But I can’t just let him overpower me for the win. That’d make him overconfident and more likely to get into trouble afterwards. No… I’ve got a better idea.’
In an instant, Vic’s muscles stopped resisting. “I yield.”
Vic pushed himself off Atlas, who stood up and looked at Cyborg, confused.
“What foe yields when he has his opponent on the ground, at his mercy? I demand you continue!”
“No. This fight was never to the death, only to yielding. But frankly, you aren’t strong enough to interest me. You said it yourself, you will never yield. And pummelling you to a point where you are the equivalent of unconscious just isn’t worth my time. So I yielded. Congrats. You win.”
Atlas stood, incredulous. “No. That is not allowed. I did not win. You lost! Those are not the same!”
Vic turned to Keiji and Donna and then noticed that the fight had taken them about 30 yards from where they started. He started to walk back towards them, and Atlas followed.
“Guys, I yielded that fight. Doesn’t that mean I lost?”
Keiji raised an eyebrow. “I guess?”
“See? Congrats, you won.”
“... I do not accept this victory. This is a loss in all but name. Mark my words, Victor Stone. I will wander the globe, facing foe after foe to grow stronger. I will become the strongest being and when I do, we will have a real fight, one where you must acknowledge my strength for real.”
“Looking forwards to it. Stay out of trouble until then, understood?”
Vic held out his hand for a handshake which Atlas begrudgingly accepted.
“Understood.”
“Atlas, catch.”
Keiji tossed a small flash drive to Atlas who had to bend down to grab it.
“That has all your schematics and drawings on it, as well as all the parts we used to make you and where we sourced them from. It’s probably the best thing out there to help you repair yourself.”
“Thank you. You all have given me much to think about it. When we meet again… I will be stronger in body and mind. Farewell for now but I will return to challenge you again, Victor.”
“I’ll be waiting. And I promise to go all out next time, Atlas.”
Atlas took off to the west, heading to only he knew where.
Once he was far enough out of sight, Vic laid down on the ground, exhausted.
“Well, that’s enough bluffing for the next decade. I really underestimated him.”
Donna sat down to his left, Keiji on his right.
“Told you that you were being cocky. We all built him but he’s out of all of our leagues,” Keiji said.
“Yeah… but I really wanted to do it, y’know? Kinda humbling to be beat by your own creation.”
“If it makes you feel better, I lost to him too,” Donna said.
“Wait what? When did you fight him?”
“I’ll tell you on the way back. Not my finest moment, but I put up a good fight.”
“Proud of you. You’ve come a long way in your training. But after that fight… I’m going to need to get a lot stronger and pick my own training back up. I kinda feel like I’ve been stagnant for awhile, just sort of winning my fights through grit and will power. But if Atlas had been hostile… I don’t think I could’ve stopped him. So, I’ll need to get back to the drawing board and see what I can do to take myself to the next level.”
“And we’ll be there to help you however we can. But uh… Vic, finals are in like two weeks. Maybe focus on that first?” Keiji suggested.
“I’d rather get beat up by another robot,” Vic groaned.
<< < >

Hello SPTarkov community! First, I just want to say I have already received a TON of help just by reading posts, it's how I learned to install any of this stuff, and I am really appreciative.
I am looking to dial in my experience a bit more so I will describe that a bit and then list all the mods I am currently working with.
The experience I'm looking for is a bit more like (and just hear me out ok I will explain) Stalker Gamma - in that there are long bits of dreary nothing, then intense firefights, then tense and tactical return to dreary, then maybe running into comrades and maybe teaming up, then tense moments of entering an incredibly hostile area.
The mods I have right now, as a PMC, just seem like every single AI on the map is a hunter killer whose sole mission is to end my life. I would love it if they like...fucked off a bit and had their own mission to "focus" on. I also thought one of my mods was supposed to let me team up w/ PMC's of my same faction but I get drawn on by what feels like every single AI.
Also, especially noticeable on smaller maps like Ground Zero, are BRUTAL, like guys keep coming and it turns into this WILDLY crucial all out disaster of an encounter. It feels like they just keep spawning, and I have seen other posters ask about this too. The smaller maps are the hardest for me.
As for Scav's, their experience is a bit more of what I am looking for, so it's funny to me that they are also gear-locked and a side element. They derp around, steal some shit, see some homies, lock in for an intense firefight, and make it back.
I know the Stalker Gamma comparison is probably making people scream at me to play that game so I just want to reiterate that I just mean, like, the "flow of combat", I am NOT trying to make Tarkov into Stalker. It would just be cool if my heart's EKG readings looked similar, instead of SPTarkov's being a constant ventricular tachycardia.
These are the mods I currently have installed:

• Waypoints
  
• BigBrain
  
• SAIN
  
• GTFO Map Marker
  
• Borkel Realistic NVG
  
• Rep Multiplier
  
• Take a Break
  
• Friendly PMC (doesn't work? maybe I just suck?)
  
• Remove Times from Quests
  
• AI Limit
  
• Equal Loot 4 All
  
• Realism Mod
  
• More Checkmarks
  
• Swizzy Looting bots
  
• Saria (Anime girl trader mod)
  

I have attempted Donuts/SWAG and when I fucked w/ the settings it felt like no AI spawned so I decided just not to mess w/ it anymore.
I look forward to hearing if you guys think this is all utterly ridiculous or maybe some of you are even playing like this right now. Thanks!

just in case it needs to be said, ive never worked an office job so perhaps im just ignorant to the inside workings of one but
from an outsider looking in the perspective of the company is it not profitable to support their streamers whenever they have things they need for projects? like perms? Even denying one what was described as a "once in a lifetime opportunity". Is my impression incorrect that something like that would give them profits/publicity? Even if it wasn't the MGS collaboration like I've seen some people speculate.
I don't remember what he said exactly but I am aware that the CEO has stated publicly that he doesn't exactly care to "fix" it
However, all the other employees in the company don't care to make their workplace prosper?? not a single person(in a position of power) in such a big company? I genuinely don't understand. At the very least a company cannot function if it doesn't seek profit, right?? Can someone explain to me how this could happen logistically? does it not make sense for a company to try to be in the "top spot" and maintain it? did they deem the top spot as unmarketable/unprofitable?? there were many vtuber fans who viewed nijisanji as the "better" vtubing company years ago. why would they allow the company to deteriorate like this? or i guess why even let it come out into the light?