Friendship bracelet with writing

Obsessive spiraling thoughts about an ex friend
I will try to keep this as short and cohesive as possible but please forgive if it isn’t. I’m also not the best writer so please excuse rambling sentences, misplaces commas, etc. My wife (27) and I (25) had this friend for a while before we moved away, she was much younger than us(19 I believe at the time) and for a while I think we kind of looked at her as a young sister which is great because we’re both the youngest in our families so it was a nice dynamic. We mostly spent time at our house at the time and even took a 3 day trip to the Smokey mountains. It was a very short lived friendship but it felt very special, a kind of friendship I’ve never had before.
I can go on and on about this specific event but I will keep it pretty vague and to the point if you would like further details feel free to shoot me a DM. Basically I decided to take magic mushrooms one day when we were all chilling in the house. Obviously in hind sight this was a horrible idea, if you have never taken a psychedelic substance there are a few basic ground rules people should follow so they don’t end having a bad trip: don’t take it a whim (plan, plan, plan!) and don’t trip around people who have never tripped and don’t know what it’s like because they can say or do something minor that can throw you into a nasty head space and your trip can turn real bad real fast. Well that’s exactly what happened. She made a comment that was objectively kind of rude but she was just trying to be funny but that sent me spiraling and all of this trauma got unleashed that had been hiding in my mind for years. Memories of being sexually abused as a child, old insecurities and self worth issues I had thought I had gotten over, and the early death of my father. I have no idea why what she said triggered all of these things to come up but they did and my mental health took a hard dive. It’s been a little over two years since that trip and it still feels like it happened yesterday. After that day I just couldn’t see her the same way she became a trigger for me even though it wasn’t her fault I’m the one who stupidly decided to trip on a whim in front of someone who’s younger and didn’t know anything about the effects of psychedelics so I’m aware it’s completely on me.
I did finally talk to her about this (over text and not in person another ridiculous mistake) and at the end of the day it ended up with us deciding we just couldn’t be friends anymore. Meanwhile, my wife and her still remained close and would go to concerts together and then when we moved to another town she just stopped talking to my wife and they had a falling out (somewhat related to what happened with me and her but a few others thing too) so she’s no longer in either of our lives.
Again I left out alot of details just for the sake of the length, but I’m willing to fill in any gaps if it helps with feedback. Even though I have virtually no connection with her and we don’t really have any mutual friends she will pop on my social media sometimes and whenever I think I put it behind me it sets me right back where I was two years ago. To make things worse I recently started writing and preforming music as a cathartic way to express my feelings about everything and started playing gigs which helps but some of the venues I play I found out from another source that she frequents quite often which always sends me great anxiety when this is the one area that I feel like is helping me deal with this shit. I don’t know how to move on. I currently have no health insurance so I can’t get on meds or talk to a professional and I really wish I could just hate her honestly it would be so much easier to deal with anger than deal with hurt. I have so many mixed emotions towards the whole situation: anger and resentment for what happened to me, guilt and shame for how I handled the whole situation with her, and grieving a lost friend. There are days where I think about reaching out to her but I just can’t I know for a fact she feels really awful about the whole situation and I don’t want to bring her down with me.
Again I apologize for the messy writing I can’t sleep and it’s four in the morning and I just needed to express my feelings openly somehow. Any advice would help or just some overall feedback. Again I’m aware it’s my fault at the end of the day with the mushrooms that was very irresponsible of me so I just ask to not harp on that. Thank you ❤️

Hey there, welcome to my little post that probably won't be so little past this point, but thank you for reading as much as you do. I'm known amongst my friends as the over-explainer, so I apologize for the forthcoming novel. If you want to skip most of it, just read the first bit of each bullet point, that should do it.
Age wise, I'm looking for someone between 27 and 34, preferably. Also, I tend to be a night owl, so I sleep during a good portion of the day, and am up at night, so responses may be slow at times.
To begin, some things about myself:

• I'm here to make a friend or two, that maybe grows into something more. I don't care where you are from, though I am a sucker for an accent that isn't from the US. Realistically, at this point in my life, I'm old and tired, and know that it just doesn't magically happen for some people. I don't expect to fall in love immediately, I just want someone to enjoy my hobbies with together, and theirs in turn. It's 2024, the world is going to shit and back, and I just want to find someone I can click with.
  
• I'm friendly with pretty much anyone of any ethnicity, creed, chosen identification of gender or the inbretween and so on, unless they give me a reason not to be. That usually happens when they decide to be an ass to anyone I care about or myself, try to shove their ideals down my throat, or are clearly just not a good person (this is subjective, but sometimes you just.. you know, get the feeling someone might skin you and turn you into a lamp).
  
• I'm non-religious and pretty apolitical. I wasn't raised religious and will never be, but am perfectly fine with people believing in anything they want, as long as those ideals or beliefs aren't enforced on myself. Politics wise, I kind of agree with some things on either side, but mostly just don't care. In my experience, politics ruin relationships, friendships, and so much more, just because people as a whole are stubborn.
  
• I do NOT have my entire life together, plain and blunt. I was in a relationship for a long time that ended very dramatically and poorly, and all of the plans I had to move and so on were crushed, so I'm still getting my actual life together. I'm over the relationship and have moved on mentally and such, just haven't gotten everything else entirely in line. I can explain more if asked, I won't hide anything at all, as that isn't how things work. This doesn't mean I don't have a job and freeload, it just means I'm not a rich dude who owns his own home and will buy you everything you need. It's 2024, most people are struggling.
  
• My hobbies are varied, but mostly encompass gaming (PC, no mobile or console anymore), reading novels, listening to audiobooks at work, binging movies/shows/animes, and roleplaying, be it Discord, in a game (I'm an old WoW RP nerd), or D&D. I'm a huge sci-fi and fantasy nerd. I just love writing and telling a story with someone that can match and challenge my own ability to write. I also probably know too much backstory for the smallest of things in many fandoms and universes, and if it's something I don't know, I tend to absorb it quickly if it interests me.
  
• I'm pretty healthy for the most part. I don't smoke, cigarettes or weed, and while I don't care if people do, I'd prefer if it wasn't your entire lifestyle. Vaping also doesn't bother me as much, but I'd prefer if you just didn't really feel the need to murder your lungs, you know? You need them to keep hanging out with me! I do drink a bit here and there, but I'm far from an achoholic. I grew up with a few bartendresses in my close family, and so I just grew to enjoy a couple cold ones, or a wild and weird mixed drink.
  
• I'm not the most physically fit person right now. I'm not bound to a scooter and spend all day laboring for each breath, but the last few years have been a bit rough on me with depression and other things. That said, I am in the process of starting to work out again, because I've grown tired of not doing that sort of thing anymore.
  

That was probably more than I should have typed, and if you made it this far, thank you. I know it's a lot, but I'd rather show the kind of person I am and explain a bit (a lot) about myself, than put two sentences and pretend that's enough to satisfy me. Most people won't read this fadon't care about a wall of text, but those of you that manage to are the kind of people that would probably put up with me.
If you are interested at all, feel free to send me a chat request, or a message on here. I have Reddit on mobile, and will respond as soon as I can!

https://preview.redd.it/ifzvacox0k0d1.jpg?width=1176&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b3ad5768a247b490aa3090d4174fa75456a71eee
For me, there's two things I'm personally proud of about my OCs.
One of the things I am most proud of about my OCs is the fact that they are a teenage boy and teenage girl that are not romantically involved and are never romantically interested in each other ever, and they are simply just friends. The friendship isn't exactly healthy since Kama (the boy) is a very toxic abusive jerk to Hallie (the girl) a lot of times, but I still like that there's no romance involved and they just act like regular friends, withe neither of them ever questioning their feelings.
The second thing is that most of my OCs are just a bunch of regular schmucks. Most of them are average guys that aren't exactly the best people, a lot of them being either jerks, idiots, plain losers, or all of the above. While that does make them sound unlikeable, this and the fact they're all regular people in a world where fantasy and paranormal things exist makes me enjoy writing them even more.

Obsessive spiraling thoughts about an ex friend
I will try to keep this as short and cohesive as possible but please forgive if it isn’t. I’m also not the best writer so please excuse rambling sentences, misplaces commas, etc. My wife (27) and I (25) had this friend for a while before we moved away, she was much younger than us(19 I believe at the time) and for a while I think we kind of looked at her as a young sister which is great because we’re both the youngest in our families so it was a nice dynamic. We mostly spent time at our house at the time and even took a 3 day trip to the Smokey mountains. It was a very short lived friendship but it felt very special, a kind of friendship I’ve never had before.
I can go on and on about this specific event but I will keep it pretty vague and to the point if you would like further details feel free to shoot me a DM. Basically I decided to take magic mushrooms one day when we were all chilling in the house. Obviously in hind sight this was a horrible idea, if you have never taken a psychedelic substance there are a few basic ground rules people should follow so they don’t end having a bad trip: don’t take it a whim (plan, plan, plan!) and don’t trip around people who have never tripped and don’t know what it’s like because they can say or do something minor that can throw you into a nasty head space and your trip can turn real bad real fast. Well that’s exactly what happened. She made a comment that was objectively kind of rude but she was just trying to be funny but that sent me spiraling and all of this trauma got unleashed that had been hiding in my mind for years. Memories of being sexually abused as a child, old insecurities and self worth issues I had thought I had gotten over, and the early death of my father. I have no idea why what she said triggered all of these things to come up but they did and my mental health took a hard dive. It’s been a little over two years since that trip and it still feels like it happened yesterday. After that day I just couldn’t see her the same way she became a trigger for me even though it wasn’t her fault I’m the one who stupidly decided to trip on a whim in front of someone who’s younger and didn’t know anything about the effects of psychedelics so I’m aware it’s completely on me.
I did finally talk to her about this (over text and not in person another ridiculous mistake) and at the end of the day it ended up with us deciding we just couldn’t be friends anymore. Meanwhile, my wife and her still remained close and would go to concerts together and then when we moved to another town she just stopped talking to my wife and they had a falling out (somewhat related to what happened with me and her but a few others thing too) so she’s no longer in either of our lives.
Again I left out alot of details just for the sake of the length, but I’m willing to fill in any gaps if it helps with feedback. Even though I have virtually no connection with her and we don’t really have any mutual friends she will pop on my social media sometimes and whenever I think I put it behind me it sets me right back where I was two years ago. To make things worse I recently started writing and preforming music as a cathartic way to express my feelings about everything and started playing gigs which helps but some of the venues I play I found out from another source that she frequents quite often which always sends me great anxiety when this is the one area that I feel like is helping me deal with this shit. I don’t know how to move on. I currently have no health insurance so I can’t get on meds or talk to a professional and I really wish I could just hate her honestly it would be so much easier to deal with anger than deal with hurt. I have so many mixed emotions towards the whole situation: anger and resentment for what happened to me, guilt and shame for how I handled the whole situation with her, and grieving a lost friend. There are days where I think about reaching out to her but I just can’t I know for a fact she feels really awful about the whole situation and I don’t want to bring her down with me.
Again I apologize for the messy writing I can’t sleep and it’s four in the morning and I just needed to express my feelings openly somehow. Any advice would help or just some overall feedback. Again I’m aware it’s my fault at the end of the day with the mushrooms that was very irresponsible of me so I just ask to not harp on that. Thank you ❤️

I (25F) ghosted my friend (24F) earlier this year and I am not sure I did the right thing.
We are in grad school together and grew very close over a two year period (trauma bond lol). Around February, I found out that she had been saying things about me over the course of friendship that basically boiled down to my being delusional about my goals. There were a couple specific instances that were shared with me that really shook me, for example I shared a long term career goal with her and she later told someone about it unprompted in a way that made it seem like I thought I was going to have that position immediately after graduating (not possible).
For me, this was the last straw. We had been on a team together over the past school year and she had been a nightmare to work with and I was smoothing things over for her behind closed doors and defending her to people in charge of both of us. Basically, putting my reputation on the line because I truly cared about her. Finding out she didn't have the same sense of loyalty was pretty devastating.
While this might seem trivial, this is a very professional setting - you absolutely see your classmates and work with them after graduation. Basically, you're building a reputation you will carry into your career.
Instead of confronting her I decided to slowly and quietly distance myself. She is not someone who takes criticism well and often becomes defensive if you attempt to talk to her about things she's done. Honestly, I was so hurt I didn't have the energy to deal with it.
Now, it's summer and I wonder if I did the right thing. There was so much about being her friend I enjoyed, and I don't think she's a bad person, just a callous one. I wonder if I was too quick to write her off or if I did the right thing and have saved myself a lot of heartbreak. Does anyone have any advice?

I've been trying to write "the last email" - while I am sober, during the day. I realize I should just stfu, though.
I want to justify myself, but I feel like I can't anymore. I am going to try to stop. I am aware that you not responding is a response. I am trying to understand.
I have been being mean to you (even if you honestly blocked my email forever ago), and I need to apologize. If this is the only way I can, so be it. I understand that I seem crazy, and I have no right to interfere in your life. Please forgive me, though; I am not trying to interfere. I am trying to fix what is broken in myself.
I think I misunderstood our relationship. I would call it friendship, but that is also a relationship, so please forgive the misnomer. .
I need to explain my pent up anger. You said you'd given me every chance to talk about what happened. Obviously, it wasn't enough for me. It was an ongoing issue for me. I understand I was asking for more than you could have given, and I want to apologize. That was why I was angry, though. Short conversations never made me feel better, but I also didn't want to ruin every day that we talked or played together. And I really didn't want to push you because I knew there were other things happening in your life.
I haven't had an easy life either. I am sorry for lashing out at you for things I never explained and weren't your fault. I could never apologize enough about that. Every single time I've tried, I effed it up somehow.
I realized today, after my son had some trouble with a relationship, that it was time for him to (sadly) learn that you can't pick the consequences of your actions. We brought you and "Mario" up as mistakes I've made with people who were important to me that I've lost.
I wish we could be friends at all. I understand that won't happen right now.
This morning as I was sitting across from my son, I said out loud that "I've now been trying to just apologize for blocking [you] for longer than I actually had [you] blocked." The exact dates were Dec 27/28th, 2016 to around April 2020. So, a bit over three years. It's been over four years now.
It's time for me to stop. That's all there is to it. :( If I don't stop, even if you have never read any of the emails I've sent over the last 4 years, it just proves I was never worth your time to begin with. Normal people should be able to control their urges (like you, for example). I obviously can't. I am very obviously mentally ill. I didn't mean to be. :(
I'm sorry for all of the mean things I've said to you. I wish you would've had more time for me. But, I understand I was asking too much. Just based on what I think happened with you. I would've given you a million years of silence if you asked. I kept bringing up the "I drove 1000 miles one way to see you" thing to show my dedication, not to rub it in your face.
I didn't want to let go, and I only drowned myself.
But, that isn't how I want to end this.
I know it will probably be impossible to forgive me for all of the mean things I've said. Unfortunately being a traumatized person has a lot of downsides. I know I keep saying if you ever want to, please reach out. Even though I've been mean in emails, I don't believe that you are a bad person. If I did, you wouldn't have been hearing from me.
I don't want you to think of me as a bad person; though, I know I deserve that right now.
My biggest regret in life is that I didn't go to see you in 2013. I should have. We needed to talk face to face. I think you would've seen how broken I was inside. Pretending to be okay for everyone else's sake. I'm sorry I was too afraid to be honest about it and that it just came out regardless in different ways.
I will try not to hate myself forever for my actions. I sincerely miss you. I sincerely hope to hear back from you one day. I am sorry for all the pain I have inflicted. I really, really am.

Hey there, welcome to my little post that probably won't be so little past this point, but thank you for reading as much as you do. I'm known amongst my friends as the over-explainer, so I apologize for the forthcoming novel. If you want to skip most of it, just read the first bit of each bullet point, that should do it.
Age wise, I'm looking for someone between 27 and 34, preferably. Also, I tend to be a night owl, so I sleep during a good portion of the day, and am up at night, so responses may be slow at times.
To begin, some things about myself:

• I'm here to make a friend or two, that maybe grows into something more. I don't care where you are from, though I am a sucker for an accent that isn't from the US. Realistically, at this point in my life, I'm old and tired, and know that it just doesn't magically happen for some people. I don't expect to fall in love immediately, I just want someone to enjoy my hobbies with together, and theirs in turn. It's 2024, the world is going to shit and back, and I just want to find someone I can click with.
• I'm friendly with pretty much anyone of any ethnicity, creed, chosen identification of gender or the inbretween and so on, unless they give me a reason not to be. That usually happens when they decide to be an ass to anyone I care about or myself, try to shove their ideals down my throat, or are clearly just not a good person (this is subjective, but sometimes you just.. you know, get the feeling someone might skin you and turn you into a lamp).
• I'm non-religious and pretty apolitical. I wasn't raised religious and will never be, but am perfectly fine with people believing in anything they want, as long as those ideals or beliefs aren't enforced on myself. Politics wise, I kind of agree with some things on either side, but mostly just don't care. In my experience, politics ruin relationships, friendships, and so much more, just because people as a whole are stubborn.
• I do NOT have my entire life together, plain and blunt. I was in a relationship for a long time that ended very dramatically and poorly, and all of the plans I had to move and so on were crushed, so I'm still getting my actual life together. I'm over the relationship and have moved on mentally and such, just haven't gotten everything else entirely in line. I can explain more if asked, I won't hide anything at all, as that isn't how things work. This doesn't mean I don't have a job and freeload, it just means I'm not a rich dude who owns his own home and will buy you everything you need. It's 2024, most people are struggling.
• My hobbies are varied, but mostly encompass gaming (PC, no mobile or console anymore), reading novels, listening to audiobooks at work, binging movies/shows/animes, and roleplaying, be it Discord, in a game (I'm an old WoW RP nerd), or D&D. I'm a huge sci-fi and fantasy nerd. I just love writing and telling a story with someone that can match and challenge my own ability to write. I also probably know too much backstory for the smallest of things in many fandoms and universes, and if it's something I don't know, I tend to absorb it quickly if it interests me.
• I'm pretty healthy for the most part. I don't smoke, cigarettes or weed, and while I don't care if people do, I'd prefer if it wasn't your entire lifestyle. Vaping also doesn't bother me as much, but I'd prefer if you just didn't really feel the need to murder your lungs, you know? You need them to keep hanging out with me! I do drink a bit here and there, but I'm far from an achoholic. I grew up with a few bartendresses in my close family, and so I just grew to enjoy a couple cold ones, or a wild and weird mixed drink.
• I'm not the most physically fit person right now. I'm not bound to a scooter and spend all day laboring for each breath, but the last few years have been a bit rough on me with depression and other things. That said, I am in the process of starting to work out again, because I've grown tired of not doing that sort of thing anymore.

That was probably more than I should have typed, and if you made it this far, thank you. I know it's a lot, but I'd rather show the kind of person I am and explain a bit (a lot) about myself, than put two sentences and pretend that's enough to satisfy me. Most people won't read this fadon't care about a wall of text, but those of you that manage to are the kind of people that would probably put up with me.
If you are interested at all, feel free to send me a chat request, or a message on here. I have Reddit on mobile, and will respond as soon as I can!

Firstly, I'd like to state that, as always, I am not trying to police what anyone write. Fanfiction is for the writer first and foremost, so I'm just trying to start a discussion.
I find reaction fics, despite being a fairly odd concept, to be a fun idea, and I enjoy reading them. That said, there is one big complaint I have when it comes to them; bloated casts.
The larger you make your cast, the more reactions you have to write from each character, and the more likely their reactions will blend together. How do you write everyone from Classes 1-A, 1-B, their parents, their teachers, and all of the other pro-heroes while still giving relevance too every character? Whatever the theoretical answer, the practically always results in most characters only get a few lines per chapter. At that point, why not just cut a few characters out?
The problem is amplified when you start to mix heroes and villains together. Why would Shigaraki, Dabi, or Toga care about something horrific they see, when they are serial murderers? They wouldn't, and they would most likely mock the heroes who do care. This mean that the reaction fic either turns into a "Deku and Shigaraki bickering fic", or you have to write the villains OOC.
When you need to have your own ASB/ROB step in and stop the cast from getting out of control and/or fighting each other, it starts to feel unwieldy.
I would suggest looking at whatever media/fic you are using as the subject of reaction, and then limit yourself based on that.
Are you writing a fic where the cast reacts to the series? Consider limiting yourself to just 1-A, 1-B, or the LoV, rather than all three. 1-A gets the opportunity to reflect on what has happened to them, whilst also getting forewarning about what may happen in the future. 1-B gets to see that their "rivals" actually lead pretty terrifying lives, and maybe they should tone down the interclass rivalry rhetoric. The LoV also gets the chance to reflect, but in a different way. All of the potential dynamics are heavily muted when the three are combined into one.
For that matter, going even smaller than Class 1-A might be a good idea. Writing, say, just Deku, his immediate group of friends, and, possibly, Bakugou, would allow you to focus much more intimately on each character. You would lose width, yes, but you might gain depth.
To give an example of what I mean, one of the best reaction fics I have ever read is a RWBY fic titled Describing The Series Via References. In the fic, Team RWBY receives a mysterious device which informs them that, in another universe, there is a show that, by sheer cosmic coincidence, happens to line up exactly with the major events of their lives, including their futures.
They are then given the ability to use this device to learn about the future, with a single caveat: the only thing they have access to is the memes within the FNDM. They can see what volume the memes come from, but they have no other context for them, resulting in Team RWBY having to attempt to avert disaster by figuring out what the memes mean.
One interesting element of the story is the culture clash. Team RWBY don't get all of the references made, because most of the outside media referenced simply does not exist in their world. They hear the name "Zootopia", and assume from the name that it is a bigoted film about faunus. They hear the word "furry", and are horrified, because that word is a grievous anti-faunus slur in their world. There is a meme that calls Ren a "Genji main", but Team RWBY have no idea what that means, because Overwatch doesn't exist in their world.
None of these references are explained to them, either. They have to figure things out on their own, and sometimes they just have to accept that they aren't going to understand a reference. Furthermore, they don't just idle with this information, they whatever they can figure out in order to stop bad things from happening in the future.
Eventually, another character, Penny, joins them after they discover memes that expose her biggest secret early, which results in them having an earlier and deeper friendship with her. At the end of the day, however, the fic limits itself to five primary characters, and it benefits immensely from that.
That's about all I had to say. Again, write what you want, I was just curious to see what others thought of this.
Also, sorry if this post is written badly, I just got out of bed in the middle of the night and decided to type this up.
EDIT: Fixed a few spelling mistake, though there are probably many more. Again, just woke up.

TW: Alcoholism, drug addiction, violence, suicidal ideation, sex abuse
This is going to be a LLLLLOOONNNNGGGGG one. This story goes back quite a way, but yesterday was the tenth anniversary of the ending to this story and I'm feeling it, still got some guilt about everything that happened, wondering what I could have done differently and I just want to vent it out and hope to get some closure from it.
This story started in 2010.
Characters in this story (names are fake, duh!):

• Me, Guy, 32M at the time, 45 now.
• My BFF Stephanie, 33F at the time.
• Stephen, 40M at the time, Stephanie's boyfriend.
• Maryse, 27F at the time.

Background and intro
I had known Stephanie for many years and we had the kind of friendship that made her BFs and my GFs uncomfortable to put it lightly. We had never crossed that boundary and I wouldn't consider us in the friendzone, we were just friend, but the kind of friend where she would sit on my lap with her arms around my neck or her head on my shoulder.
At the start of 2010, Stephanie met her then boyfriend, Stephen. He tolerated me and my friendship with Stephanie because I also had a gf back then. She liked Stephanie, wasn't at all jealous of my friendship with her, so he didn't deem me too suspicious. Then my gf and I broke up for reasons unimportant and all hell broke loose for Stephen. He became convinced that I would try and steal Stephanie from him. He insisted that Stephanie introduce me to her female friends or female friends of his. Thus began what I called the year of the 50 blind dates. It was probably closer to 20, but still I like saying the year of 50 blind dates. Most of them were unremarkable and never went beyond the first date. There are some fun stories in there if anyone wants to hear them eventually!
In July of that year, I had to switch gears because I had to focus up and study for a professional exam for a certification important to my career. This exam required close to 600-800 hours of study over a 3-4 month period. So I hunkered down, told Stephanie to stop the blind dates for now because I had to focus on that. She respected my wishes and, other a text here or there, we went low contact for the last two months before the exam.
Except for one fateful night in September. Her birthday was in September and she always threw these big bashes at her house. She would throw a big pool party that started around noon and would go on to the wee hours of the morning. I knew she would harass me to go to her party, so I made some quick math and figured I would lose more energy and time trying to dodge her calls, texts and most likely visits at my place than by just going to the party itself. So when she called me to ask, I just said: "Okay I'll go to your damn party, now git." I texted her I would get there in the evening probably around 8. She texted back "Great, can't wait. Now study, bitch!"
So I ultimately get there around 8PM. Basically everybody is already drunk off their gourd. Stephanie sees me, squeals in excitement and runs to me in her bikini and just jumps in the air and slams into me, wraps her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist and gives me a big hug. I hug her back and just keep walking back to the pool where she had started, carrying her with me. I just duck my head around hers and say hi to Stephen, who just glares at me.
She drops back down and I give her her gift. We chat for a few seconds and says "There's beer in the fridge and food in the dining room." I told her I'd be right back.
I go inside and grab a beer from the fridge. I head to the dining room and the table is against the wall with a buffet of sandwiches, tomato pizza, salads, etc. I grab a plate and start putting food on it. I was focused on the task because I was starving. I barely noticed, sitting at the end of the table one of the most stunning woman I have ever seen. I just see her in my peripheral vision and I do a quick double take, quick glance at her and back to the food. I do that a second time. And finally a third time. At that point she is just straight up staring at me and I can't help but chuckle and whisper under my breath "Subtle Guy, sub-tle".
Thankfully she starts laughing too, saving me some embarassment. I look at her and greet her. She says "Hi, I'm Maryse and I'm guessing you're Guy?" I just nod and we start talking. At that point, I just thought I have no shot with her, she's so far out of my league that I'm just gonna talk to her until she sees one of the "models" hanging out by the pool and ditches me for him.
So I'm not feeling like I'm playing for anything, so I'm just myself and not nervous, just talking to her as I would any friend. We chat and she laughs at all my jokes, she gets all my cultural references. She never gets up or ditches me. The plate of food I had made and the beer I had gotten are sitting on the table next to me untouched, I was too busy with the convo to think about food or beer anymore.
After what felt like only 20-30 minutes, Stephanie comes in and tells me, fake grumpy: "So that's where you disappeared to. I invite my best friend to a party and he spends the whole night talking to someone else." I laugh and go: "What do you mean the whole night? I haven't been here that long." She says "Dude, it's 2AM. You've been here for 6 hours..." My jaw dropped and I just said: "Wow, time flies when you're having fun." Maryse chimes in, with a big smile: "It sure does!" That made me happy as you can imagine.
Now I was a little stuck because where Stephanie lived, there's no night service for the bus and the subway had been closed for an hour or so. I figured I would cab it. So I turn to Maryse and tell her: "It was absolutely lovely to meet you and I enjoyed our conversation very much." She says that she did too. I continued with "At the moment, my schedule is incredibly hectic. I'm basically working full-time, studying full-time and sleeping part-time. So I don't have a lot of free time, but if she was interested, whatever little free time I had, I would love to call her or text her to keep on getting to know her."
I see Stephanie in the backgroudnd, looking like a proud mama at how smooth that came out, knowing I was always anything but smooth with women, as proven by the string of blind dates! Maryse has a big smile and we exchange numbers. I go to Stephanie to wish her a happy birthday again. While I'm talking to her, my phone buzzes with a text from Maryse: "Just checking!"
I asked Stephanie "What's the best cab company to call in this area?" Maryse chimes in: "Where do you live?" I tell her where I lived and she goes "It's on the way to where I live, I can give you a ride if you want." Stephanie raised an eyebrow in surprise. I learned later, she did it because it absolutely was not on the way to her place, like, at all. I say that I would love that as it would give us a chance to keep talking.
We get in her car, driving to my place. We talk, she asks me what I'm studying as I hadn't mentioned it earlier. I tell her all about the boring maths I had to study. Much too quickly, we get to my place. She parks in front of my building and we keep talking. At some point, I tell her: "Normally, this is where I would try to "trick" you into coming up to my place..." She interrupts me: "You wouldn't need to trick me. I'm willing and able!"
I tell her that "As tempting as that sounds, I know who I am and I know that if you come up and things proceed to where they're going, I'm not going to be able to study for the rest of the month. I have a kind of obsessive mind and when I find someone or something I like, I can push everything else to the side in favor of that. So to make sure I can still focus on my studying, I have to go up by myself."
She looks at me, a little disappointed but then says, half-jokingly: "We don't have to go up, there's a backseat right there!" We laugh and I give her a kiss and wish her a good night. I managed to stay strong and go back to my condo. Damn it, why did I have to stay strong!!!
My exam was at the beginning of november. During the month of october, we texted a bunch of times and talked on the phone. We went for coffee a couple of times and dinner once. She respected my boundaries and never pushed for more, which I appreciated but also hated at the same time, if that makes sense. The exam came and it was a monster of a Friday. I slept for basically 18 hours after the exam as the adrenalin dropped and my system crashed.
I texted her when I woke up at around 1PM. She was working at the clothing store Stephanie owned. She said "I'm off at 5PM, wanna meet me." I said: "Duh! Why do you think I'm texting? ;)" So I met her at the store downtown. I asked if she wanted to grab a drink, go for dinner, or what. She proposed going to her place and getting some take out. Stephanie who was closing the store at that moment, came up to us and said: "Hey, so what are we doing?" I said: "WE, that is Maryse and I, are going to her place and getting some takeout. Bye!" I'm sure you'll understand when I tell you that no food was ever ordered that night!
Thus followed a whirlwind month of November where any free time we had was spent together, and I wasn't going to complain!
The troubles
By the start of december, things were still going great with us. One saturday night, we were having dinner at a restaurant and I mention that this coming Friday is my office Christmas party, that it's employees only, so we wouln't see each other that night. She tells me: "Oh sure, that's fine! It'll give me a chance to go see some girlfriends I've been neglecting lately." I said "Great! BTW I also got us a reservation at [this great restaurant she had mentioned a few times] for next Saturday, so we could go there and I'll tell you all about my party and you can tell me all about her night with the girls!"
That was settled, I thought. I was wrong. On Thursday, we had spent the evening together at her place and I was about to leave to go back to my place. She tells me: "So are you coming to meet me at the store tomorrow or do I go to your place?" I reminded her: "Neither, tomorrow is my office Christmas party and we won't see each other tomorrow." She said: "Oh right, I forgot." I asked her if she had made plans with her friends like she had mentioned last saturday. She said that they were all busy tomorrow and weren't available.
She suggested "If your party is boring, maybe you could come meet me." I retorted that it wasn't going to be, knowing who was going to be there.
"Yeah but what if?"
"But it won't"
"But what IFFFFFF?" she kept insisting and I kept saying no. After what felt like 30 minutes of that (probably only 2-3 minutes in reality), I had enough and just said to end the argument: "Okay, if it's boring, I'll come. but it won't be." She said: "Cool" with a big smile on her face. I came to learn that that smile meant "Challenge accepted".
The following night, my colleague and I were pregaming in a conference room before leaving for the party proper and my phone buzzes. Maryse was wishing me a good party. I replied. She texted me again. I replied. She texted again, but I was in a conversation with a colleague so I didn't reply or even look at the phone. My phone buzzes again. Still talking, and didn't want to be rude to my colleague. Another buzz. I just kept talking. Phone buzzes differently, she was now calling because I hadn't answered her texts.
"Why aren't you replying to my texts?"
"Hey, sorry, was talking to my colleague Patrick."
"What? you don't want to talk to me?"
"I am talking to you now."
"Why didn't you reply to my texts?"
"Because it would have been rude to my colleague to pull my phone out while talking to him."
"But you're talking to me now."
"Because I thought something was wrong, maybe it was an emergency."
"I wanted to talk to you, that's all."
"Well, gotta go back to the party. Talk to you later."
She kept texting and if I didn't reply right away, she would call after two or three missed texts. After about 2 hours of this, I stopped answering the texts. When she called back, I asked her: "Aren't you supposed to be working?" which started another round of guilt-tripping of "why are you asking me this? you don't want to talk to me?" At that point I had had enough and wanted to enjoy my party. I remembered that the Blackberry (no shaming old tech!) I had had an annoying feature, but I was hoping to put it to good use at that moment.
Whenever the battery would get really low, like less than 1%, it would let out an ear-piercing BEEP for about 3 seconds, reminiding you to charge it and giving you a heart attack all at the same time. It would do that even when you were in silent mode. It had happened a few days earlier when I was with Maryse. I figured, if I press a button on the Blackberry, it would make a beep too that could be heard through the phone. So while I was talking to Maryse, I pressed my thumb on the space bar for a good 3 seconds and sputtered; "what... the .... what?" trying to put on a somewhat believable performance.
She asked what that noise was and I tell her that it was my blackberry letting me know I was low battery and it might shut off any second. I told her "Listen I'm gonna wish you a good night, I'm having a good time at my party so I'll see you tomorrow at 5PM to go spend our evening together. I hope you have a good....." and hung up mid-sentence. I promptly shut my phone off and went back to the party. I concede that I may be a bit of an AH for that move.
The party was great, I got drunk much quicker than I expected owing to the fact that I hadn't had a drink in over two months because Maryse didn't drink so I didn't either when we were together, and we were always together. At 1AM, I went home and passed out on my bed.
This is another place where I may have been an AH. I didn't turn my cell phone back on and I unplugged my home line too, because I wanted to sleep the deep sleep of the drunkard. I woke up at around 1:30 PM, not knowing it was already too late. In my mind, I was meeting Maryse at 5PM to go out on the town that night. Maryse had other ideas as you'll see.
So like I said, I woke up at 1:30PM and was sticky with alcohol sweat, so I went straight for the shower to get clean again. While in the shower, my stomach grumbled with hunger and I started daydreaming of bacon and eggs. That pushed me out of the shower right quick. I dried myself off quickly, tied the towel around my waist and went to the fridge. No bacon.... booo. Looked at the egg compartment... no eggs... booo again. Okay then, how about a cream cheese bagel. No cream cheese, damn it. Look in the pantry, no bagels.... god. I was starting to get angry. Okay, cereals then. I pick up the cereal box, that mofo was empty and I get mad: "who's the idiot who puts the empty box back in the pantry?" I remembered I live alone.
I close the fridge dejected and see the grocery list stuck on the fridge, taunting me with everything I wanted to eat for breakfast written on it. But I felt like if I went to the grocery store hungry as I Was, I'm just gonna pay 600$ and not get one single healthy thing to eat. I then remembered there's a restaurant next to the grocery store that serves breakfast until 3PM. I get excited! I get dressed quickly, grab my wallet and keys, put my boots on, my coat on, wrap my scarf, my tuque and my gloves and go to the restaurant. If you notice, I didn't mention my phone in there.
I get to the restaurant and confirm that they still have breakfast and get even more excited when she confirms it. I order the "heart attack", at least that's how I nicknamed it: 3 eggs, 3 servings of bacon, 2 sausages, and, I guess to give one peace of mind, fruit (or to be precise, one single solitary slice of orange). Now that the food is ordered and coming I figured I would check if I have any messages. I pat the pocket where my phone always is. No phone. uh-oh. I start clutching evert pocket, no luck.
I wonder if I should go back home after the meal before going to the grocery store and decide against it, it would be too long a detour. So I scarf my breakfast down, rush through the grocery store. I get home and set my bags down in front of the fridge. I go pick up my blackberry. I turn it back on. The little tape icon tells me there are messages on my voicemail, at that time there were no red dots with a number in it to tell you how many.
I connect to the voicemail while starting to put the groceries away. The little automated voice tells me "You have 25 new messages." I pull the phone away from my ear, look at it in disbelief as if saying: "are you f'ing kidding me?" So I press 1 to start playing the messages.
Remember: Maryse knew I was at a party with a dead phone, no chargers and I probably wouldn't get home until 1AM. From 6:30PM, when my phone died, to 11:34 PM, when she went to sleep she left me 9 messages. BTW I know she went to sleep at 11:34PM because she left me a message saying "it's 11:34PM and I'm going to bed. Thinking of you." The 9 messages were in the same vein. These are the salient details, but the messages were all much longer.
She woke up at 7:15 the following day, I'll let you guess how I know that tidbit of information! She left me 5 more messages like those from the day before: 7:15 woke up. 7:35 going to take a shower. 7:55 out of the shower. 8:25 getting ready to leave for work 8:50 walking out of the subway to go to the store.
She leaves me another message at 9 that was different. She sounded very excited as if she had had the best idea in the world: "Hey it's 9AM, I'm about to start my shift. I know we're only supposed to meet after my shift, but what if you came and met me for lunch so you could tell me all about your party." I just did my best Scooby-Doo "Ruh-Roh" and chuckled that I blew that, not thinking the calamity that was awaiting me.
Another couple of messages to talk logistics: "I could take my lunch at 12 or 12:30, let me know which you prefer." "I'm taking my lunch at 12:30"
A slightly worried message: "It's 11:15 and you stil have not said if you were coming or not, are you okay?"
The first bomb goes off and I knew I was in trouble then: "Where are you? We're supposed to meet for lunch and you still haven't given me any sign of life, you're not answering your home phone either, what happened?" Reminder: we were not supposed to meet for lunch, she suggested doing so a couple of hours earlier and I never agreed to anything. I guess she told her colleagues I would meet her for lunch and it was now fact and could perhaps make her look bad in front of her colleagues.
The second bomb drops: "It's almost noon now, WHERE ARE YOU? Stephanie says you're probably sleeping off your drunk, but I don't believe her. I'm sure you got yourself a slut and cheated on me. Didn't you? didn't you, you asshole." Stephanie knows me very well, but that wasn't enough for Maryse it seems.
Ensued four more messages from 12:30 to 1:15, where she starts sounding more and more drunk and accusatory, spewing more attacks like in the message above. At that point I already knew it was over, there was no coming back from that. I can understand having trust issues, but that was nuclear. I don't tolerate jealousy because of horrible experiences with a couple of jealous toxic exes.
A final message comes in, and it's a different voice, that of my best friend being more than a little angry: "Hey Guy, listen, Maryse tells me you had a Christmas party yesterday, so I'm guessing you're sleeping off your drunk, still. But call me when you get this. I put Maryse, who's f'ing drunk, in the backstore so she can dry off and "do inventory". She can't be on the sales floor obviously and I just don't feel safe sending her home in the state she's in. Call me to tell me how you want to handle this."
At that point I had finished putting away my groceries and had put my boots and my coat on and was making my way to the subway to go to the store. I call Stephanie and tell her I got the messages and I was coming. She was right, I was sleeping off my drunk and had just woke up (didn't feel the need to mention the breakfast and grocery store). I ask her if she knows what I'm gonna do when I get there. She says that she knows and understands. She knows my bad history.
When I get out of the subway, I call her again before getting to the store. I ask her how she wants me to do this. It's her store and I don't want to create drama in front of her customers. Does she want me to wait outside and she tells Maryse to meet me in the street or do I go in the store and she takes me to the backstore and I do it there? She says to come to the store.
I walk in the store and every saleswomen on the floor looks at me and gives me the biggest case of the stink-eye. They only have Maryse's side of the story, so they think I did all these horrible things. I see Stephanie in the middle of the store and I walk towards her. She shakes her head and points me towards the cash register. I look over there and see Julia, a salesperson that I've known for a couple of years and really like, who also happens to be the biggest gossip in the store. I understand what Stephanie is trying to do. She's gonna make me tell her my story in front of Julia so Julia can spread the "good news" to the other employees and rehabilitate my name possibly.
So I get to the register and say Hi to Julia. She barely acknoledges me. Steph joins me. She asks me:
"How are you?"
"I was better an hour ago, before I listened to those voicemails. I had gone to our office party last night, had a great night, got drunk off my ass, got home at around 2 and woke up around 2."
Julia asks "Maryse told us you were supposed to meet her for lunch."
"No we weren't. I have a reservation for tonight at XYZ restaurant. I was supposed to take the day to do errands, stuff around the condo and meet her here at closing time. She suggested that it could be fun if I came at lunchtime to meet her, but that was never the plan."
Julia asks again "But why didn't you answer your phone?"
"It ran out of battery last night during the party and when I got home, I was so drunk that I forgot to plug it back in. I only plugged it when I woke up at 2. That's when the messages came in."
Julia asks "She says she tried calling your home line and you didn't answer and your machine didn't kick in."
"Yeah, that one's my fault, I knew I wanted to sleep and telemarketers have a habit of calling me early saturday mornings so I didn't want to be awoken by a call for a rug cleaning service, so I unplugged it yesterday morning, knowing I would be drunk when I got home and forget and be angry if I was awakened by a telemarketer."
Julia gave me a hint of a smile, showing me she was starting to believe me. She asked me a few more questions and then she asked what I was gonna do. I told her that whatever I'll do, I would tell Maryse first.
I looked at Stephanie and said: "Can you open the back store so I can go see her?" So we went to the backstore. As we reached the door, it swung opened and out popped Maryse, looking absolutely terrifying, I actually jumped back when I saw her. Her usual perfect makeup was completely smeared, her mascara streaking down her cheeks from the crying. Her hair was disheveled. She was a mess. Apparently, she had had enough of waiting back there and was planning on leaving the store to go home and had put her coat and boots on.
When she saw me, she went into an unhinged rant about me being an asshole for cheating on her, me not being great in bed, me not treating her right, etc. I let her vent everything she had to say, I looked at Stephanie and apologized for creating such a scene in her store. I tell Maryse we should go outside and talk in private. She keeps on yelling, but when I grab her hand to lead her outside, she follows.
When we get outside, her anger had started to wane a little, or maybe just her energy. I was able to talk to her to explain everything, how I had gotten drunk, had overslept (alone) and woke up at 2PM. I reminded her that we were only supposed to meet at 5PM not for lunch. The anger was leaving her and a smile almost appeared on her face. Through all of this I was being very calm and patient with her, which she interpreted as me not being mad at her. I then said in a firmer tone: "However..." and let it hang for a second.
The beginning smile vanished. I continued: "When you accused me of cheating on you, that broke me. That triggered memories of toxic exes who would always accuse me of cheating, not trusting me when I would tell them where I was, snooping on me, stalking me. Because of those experiences, I have a zero tolerance policy for jealousy. I told her that if she was behaving like after only two months of dating, it didn't bode well for the future and I have to protect myself."
At that, the tears started again and she just turned and ran/waddled away. I told her to wait, but she didn't hear me. I turned towards the entrance of the store to see basically all the employees and customers milling around the door trying to catch the drama. I went back inside to talk to my best friend. The mood had definitely changed and no one was giving me the stink eye anymore, but I didn't really care. I was just sad that it had ended, but proud of myself for having stood up for myself.
So AITA for getting drunk and keeping my phone turned off?
There is a lot more to this story and if you want to learn what happened afterwards, then read on.
The immediate aftermath
So I went back inside the store and talked to Stephanie. I told her that I had a reserrvation for XX restaurant and if she wanted to go with Stephen, she could take it, I wasn't in the mood for a dinner. She said "I already have plans for tonight, but thanks for offering." Julia said she would go with me if I wanted, but I just said that I wasn't in the mood to go out. I just wanted to crash and eat a pizza and get into a food coma.
Stephanie said she didn't feel comfortable leaving me by myself and I should join them at her house. They were having friends over to play board games and it could at least distract me a little. I said why not. So brimming with enthusiasm, I went to play bored games. I left early as I wasn't in the mood. I was feeling a little better, but still a bit down. I thanked Stephanie for the invite and left. I got home and just passed out on the bed.
I woke up at around 7AM the next morning and I saw along the corners of the window the tell-tale signs of a snow-drift and got excited as it was the first snow of the season. I pushed the curtains aside and looked on to see a beautiful white carpet outside. It was early enough that very few cars had marred the whiteness. I was admiring it when I noticed that, against the red bricks of the building across the street, there was a pink blotch. As I focused, the blotch became human shaped and I cleared my eyes enough to realize that it was Maryse and she was raising her cell phone to her ear.
On cue, my phone rings. I pick it up. Still sounding drunk, she asks me if we can speak. I ask her to give me five minutes to get dressed and I'll meet her down there. She asks why she can't come up. I say that I'm not sure I want her in my apartment. She says that it's cold out. I say: "Good, then this will be quick."
I get dressed and meet her outside. I'm still bleary-eyed from having woken up 5 minutes ago, but I try to get my wits together. I tell her that we're going to walk to the subway. It 's a 10-minute walk normally, but with her drunkenness, it might take 15-20 minutes. That's how long she has to tell me what she wants to tell me.
She wants to apologize for accusing me of cheating on her. She says she knows I'm a great guy and... I may be the A-hole at this point too, but I start to drift off in my little bubble and start daydreaming about, if I go back to bed, would there still be some residual heat or would it be cold? I could take a hot shower and warm the bed that way. I could still hear her in the background making excuses, saying how she had been cheated on, but I wasn't really listening.
During the daydreaming I notice it got quite quiet. I look on my left and she's not there, I turn around she's a good 5-6 steps behind me looking angry and she says: "you're not listening" I just say: "when you're right, you're right." I tell her that I understand she's been hurt too in the past, and I hope she can work to resolve her issues, but I was done and I'm going back to bed. I was a bit harsh there, but I was tired and still down.
I walk past her and get maybe 10 paces past her when I hear a scream coming from her. I turn around and I see her messing with something inside her coat. She pulls out a chef's knife with like an 8-inch blade. That wakes me the fuck up. Byebye bleary eyes, hello wakefulness. better than a cup of coffee or a red bull I tell you!
So she's got the knife, she's screaming something that I can't quite understand. She gets quiet and then she charges at me with the knife. If I'm being honest I could have stayed where I was and she probably would have missed me anyways, but someone charges at me with a knife, I'm gonna nope out of there. I take a massive side step and once she gets to where I was and realizes that I'm no longer there, she turns her head towards me and says heyyyyy.
At that point, I have a moment of clarity and see what's gonna happen. She's drunk running one way and looking another, I know she's gonna trip. As I predicted, she stumbled over her feet and starts falling to the ground. I start praying to god and anybody who would listen: "Please don't let her cut herself. I don't want to have to explain this to the doctors, EMTs and nurses. I don't want her drunk ass deciding to take revenge on me by saying I did it."
Thankfully, she winds up in a sitting position on the sidewalk holding the knife up and it was clean. Thank god for small miracles. She starts crying and, other moment of clarity, I know she's gonna turn the knife on herself now. I jump towards her and I realize I was right, the knife starts moving towards her left wrist. I tackle her, grab her right wrist and twist it so she drops the knife. I pick the knife back up and put it in my pocket. She looks at me crying and says: "Why did you stop me?"
I pick her up and take her back to my building. In my building there was a couch in the lobby, so I take her there and I sit her down and plop myself next to her. I look at her and wonder out loud: "What am I gonna do with you? What can I do?"
She goes: "Just let me go, I'll be good." I tell her that's not going to happen. I realize I have three options and I give her the three options.
"So here's the choice I give you.
1- I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted murder back there and they send the police to arrest you. I don't want to do that because that could derail your life and not get you the help you need. Besides, they might not do anything anyway as it's your word against mine.
2= I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted suicide back there and that you need to be placed on a 72 hour hold. I could do that, but at the same time, again it's my word against yours, so maybe they don't believe me.
3- I'm gonna hazard a guess here. From what I've seen, you have alcohol problems. So I'm gonna guess you were in AA, had been sober for a while, I want to say 6 months, maybe less, when we met."
She confirms my guess.
"alright so option 3, I'm guessing you had a sponsor in AA." she nods "we call them up and tell them about your relapse and what happened this morning. Can they come get you and take care of you?"
She takes her phone out and picks a contact and calls. She hands me the phone. Someone answers and I explain the situation. They said they were coming right away. I give them my address, they get here 15 minutes later. Maryse had fallen asleep in the meantime, so I wake her up gently and help her to the car. Off she went.
I went back to my apartment and just crashed back to sleep.
A month later
Mid-january, my phone rings and I see Maryse's number on there. I send her to voice mail. Another call. Voicemail again. 5 minutes later, Private number calling. "Gee I wonder who that could be." Voicemail once more.
Afterwards, I didn't get any unidentified callers for a little over a week. One afternoon, I was at work and my phone rings and it's a number I do not recognize. I pick up.
"Hello."
"Hi, is this Guy?"
"Yes, to whom am I speaking?"
"This is Hannah, Maryse's sponsor. we spoke last month." I started fearing the worst.
"Yes, I remember. How can I help you?"
"Maryse tried to reach you last week and you rejected the calls. I think it could help Maryse if you listened to what she had to say. You're obviously not obligated to entertain her, but I think despite everything that happened, you still care about her or you would not have called me that morning."
"You are right, I do still care about Maryse. I'm just not sure how good it would be for her to meet me this soon after everything that happened. I understand wanting to work through the 9th step and making amends, but..." She interrupts me.
"So you know about the steps."
"Yes I have friends in the program. which is how I could guess that she was in the program too that morning."
"You know it's important."
"I know. I know. How about this: we meet in public at a cafe, you would have to be there. Not necessarily at the table with us, but nearby in case she needs help, in case meeting me causes her pain. Tell her I promise to be in a more receptive mood than I was that morning."
So we make an appointment for that saturday afternoon.
I get to the coffee shop. She's already there, and so is her sponsor. I realize happily that she's not wearing makeup. I say happily because that means she understands that this is not a date, but something serious. She's still stunningly beautiful, and I feel sad almost right away.
I grab a coffee and go join her at the table.
"Hey" I say,
"Hey. So this is gonna be uncomfortable, but thank you for agreeing to meet me and for coming, I appreciate it more than you know. I'm sure you heard I quit the store."
"I have, I'm sorry about that, I hope you didn't do it just because of me."
"No, I needed time to focus on myself for now."
She proceeds to tell me about how I wasn't far off with my guess. She had been sober 4 months when we met. Now she had 39 days. She tells me that in AA, if you are single, they recommend not dating anyone new for at least the first year of your sobriety as it can cause issues, similar to what happened with us. I was like her "drug" and as long as I was available, she could get her fix. But the moment I wasn't available all hell broke loose, and that is what led her back to drinking that day.
I told her I'm glad to see her back sober again this quickly and I hope she can get all the help she needs from it. I ask her if she wants to talk to me about her drinking.
She starts to share a story about how she started drinking at around 11 years old. When puberty hit her, she got into a deep depression because the sexual feelings she was starting to feel were triggering responses. As a child she had been abused by two of her uncles repeatedly and her parents never believed her. They accused her of trying to make herself interesting. That was until they caught one of those uncles red-handed.
They finally believed and took the necessary steps to protect their daughter. But they were poor and they couldn't afford therapy. So she never really got help for it. At 11, she started self medicating the depression with alcohol. When alcohol wasn't enough, she added drugs.
At that point, I was full on crying. She asked me if I wanted her to stop. I told her that she doesn't have to stop. That the tears are there because that was one more thing we had in common. I was also a survivor of sexual assault as a child. In my case, it wasn't a family member, it was only a stranger, so it only happened once. But I also self-medicated with alcohol at the onset of puberty, switching to drugs later on too. I was lucky to avoid the pitfalls of addiction, but I was still dealing with my demons, slowly making peace with them.
So there we were, sitting at a coffee shop, both crying and holding each other. I tell her that I think it's great she's getting help for her alcoholism and addicion, but was she doing anything to help with the underlying issue, the original trauma? She said no, she couldn't afford therapy. I tell her that I am a member of a survivors group and if she is interested, I could get her into a meeting and perhaps learn to heal that part of herself too.
She said that she could give it a try. I tell her I have to talk to the other members to know if I can bring someone new and I would let her know. If they said yes, we would go to her first meeting together, I would introduce her and then we would coordinate so that I never went to meetings where she was. I wanted to do that because I wanted her first few meetings to be about healing and I didn't want our own history to be intertwined or mixed in with that.
After that, we left both feeling content and, while not necesarily happy, at peace if you will. Later on, I contacted Stephanie who was one of the "pillars" of the support group (that's how we met) to ask her if it was okay for me to bring in a new member to the group. She said sure. She asked if it was anyone she knew. I told her she would have to meet her at the meeting if she decides to come.
We were having a meeting the following day. I called Maryse, told her the time and place, and she said she would be there. She came to the group meeting and was shocked to see Stephanie there but Stephanie kinda guessed that it was Maryse I was referring to.
I introduce her, we start sharing stories, talking about how we're feeling, etc. The meeting was good and Maryse liked the vibe. So for the first six months after that, I never saw Maryse and we planned which meeting we would be attending to ensure we didn't cross paths. She started feeling much better.
After maybe 2 and a half years, she finally felt ready and she started dating again. She met someone and she fell for him. They were together for about six months, she looked happy. Unfortunately after about six months, she caught him cheating on her. We tried supporting her, being good friends, cursing his name, doing all the things we could to make sure she didn't relapse. But on April 5th 2014, she ODed on heroin. She was hospitalized for 2 weeks after that.
Hannah took her in and she set up a room for Maryse. She was still in a fragile state, so a group of her friends and I started taking turns watching over Maryse, making sure there was always at least one person there with her to keep her company.
Despite our vigilance, on May 14th 2014, when Hannah was out running a quick errand, she was gone maybe 15 minutes tops, Maryse found a way to cut her wrists and she died. We found a note saying that "the OD was not an accident, and neither was that. Thanks for everything you did for me. I love you all, but I can't do this anymore."
It feels good to write that story (I'll just ignore the fat tears rolling down my face!). Thanks for reading this far and sorry for the long story, I just started writing and couldn't stop. I apologize if it was a bit of a bummer.

I’m not exactly sure what I should try reading, outside of the niche idea I was pursuing, and made a post on here about it some days ago. Though other than that, I cannot think of much else that would interest me.
There are some things I do enjoy, but I believe that they are rather disjointed. I have the worry that a book might not have enough of one thing and I will get bored or something.
Maybe dysfunctional family relationships. Intense emotions, perhaps. Dramatic prose. Addiction? To substances or something. Rotten friendships. Boarding school or something similar? Like basically being stuck somewhere that isn’t a physical prison/jail. Reckless behavior.
Not too interested in romance right now.
A fictional book for sure. Modern day. 100 - 300 pages, if possible. I’m just starting out and attempting to make reading actually books a long term habit to make me think about concepts deeply, interact with the ideas of others and try writing short stories.
Also, I would really prefer that the book has no sexual content or a least a minimal amount of it, if it’s unavoidable.

believe it or not, i dont want to die sad. but how does one die feeling happy? feeling at peace? i too do not know how, but i want to try to find the answer today. i want to sleep forever, now. so i want to try my best to give you a brief recap of how ive been suicidal and depressed till now.
to be honest i didnt know how it exactly started. when did i feel depressed? no, scratch that. when did i feel sad for no reason? ninth grade. i cant remember the specifics now, but i do remember trying to drown myself, my first attempt of suicide, because of my grades. i was 13, i felt hopeless, my mom got mad at me, and we didnt have the closeness of our relationship that we have now. i became more sad when i reached my senior year of high school, grades 11 and 12. i had my first heartbreak (cliche as it sounds) and i sabotaged all my friendships. i was a bad friend, i was getting into smoking and drinking--i made both of them my coping mechanism. i spent my days lying in bed, crying in the mornings before school started inside the bathroom stalls, i skipped classes and traveled on my own and smoke and drink--people believed i was 18. but i was 16. i was 16, but i felt like my inner machinery was already tarnished. i chased love but turned away the second they showed me that they liked me. i ran away from my friends and used them for my own benefit because i was 'sad' and that they should 'know' that because they were my 'friends'. but no. nobody deserves that kind of treatment. i was never saved that time, never told anyone how i truly felt. but when i did tell i immediately regretted it because they never understood my weight of emotions; i felt invalidated.
freshman year of college rolled through and i thought i was doing fine, but i wasn't. i wanted to be so much that i ended up overexerting myself. when it finally became too heavy for me i stayed out late, drank again, spent the night with my friends and didn't come home. the next day i told my mom that i had this urge to be alone, to disappear, and that my emotions were all so heavy that i was becoming more sad everyday that even i didn't know the reason. before i could say i wanted help, she told me instead the opposites of what i have been saying. 'ah, this must be what invalidation feels like' i thought, and thats when i knew that really, no one will understand what im going through. its the pandemic now, 2020 and im turning 18, the age of adulthood. funny enough months before that i told myself that i wanted to die, and that there was a bleach ready in out bathroom for me to try out. i thought back then, dying at 18 would be nice because it would spare me the pains of adulthood. my birthday came, i felt heavy when i woke up; i finally decided, you know. my mind was made up. but then i woke up and i hear my dad calling my mom on the phone and asking her if i was already awake, my mom sounded giddy, excited, and told my dad that i haven't woke up yet and that there's too much food on the table she's excited on how ill react. i cried. they were downstairs celebrating my birthday but i was stuck in bed thinking of ways to unalive myself. in the end i came down, wiped my tears, celebrated my birthday normally, posed for some pictures, and called it a day. that was the day i started dreading having to celebrate my birthday. same year, october, i called the suicide hotline with pills in my hand, ready to end it all. long story short, more shit happened. called the hotline, texted my cousin i was gonna die, she then called her parents then said parents called my mom. mom caught me, we cried so hard, i told her everything. we became closer then. she was my best friend and still is, and it pains me that im not the best daughter and friend she has. i wanted to take a break from school then, i wanted to see a shrink, but guess what, nothing happened. i went back to classes like nothing happened. my emotions werent compensated. i was doing everything with a broken mind. no one around me talked to me about what happened, only i relived it. i preferred if they talked to me about it, i preferred if i took a break for a while, it would have been nice to talk to someone about, talk about this unending sadness that im feeling; if i did then maybe i could be a tiny bit better. but no. i gave every feeling i had for free.
4 years passed and im still here. what am i now? things were good two years ago, but how about now? i still sabotaged everything, while trying to fix things aside. i tried to live life, but my anxiety just got worse; heck i didnt even have anxiety before. i had everything planned out three years ago, now im lost again. i dont have someone to talk to, i ruined the friendships i built with trust. i ruined my relationships with everyone and i act like the victim in my head. im a fucked up person and i wonder if my sadness and melancholy justifies all this. everyday i live with a weight on my shoulder. id say i want to try my best today with a lump on my throat. i tell my mom im having fun but then i turn to a socially awkward girl alone. i tell her im doing fine but i really want to jump off our unit. im becoming a threat to myself, im becoming so lost that i need something to believe in again. im so lonely, im so alone, but i pushed away everyone else. maybe this is all im meant to be, really. i dont think the blues will ever me leave me, ive been accustomed to feeling sad and hurt all the time that im scared of being happy. does it even suit me?
i need help. i really need to figure out whats wrong with me. ive always yearned for help. i gaslighted myself a year ago that i didnt need it anymore, i still do. but what will i do when no ones listening to me? when my parents care about imagery rather than my wellbeing? when they care about other people telling them that their daughters 'fucked in the head', well i am. and to the people who tells me that i am, well i am, and probably you guys are and your children feels the same too.
what will the girl who dreamed of becoming a beautician think about the girl who i am now? what will my other selves say about me? ill forever mourn the girl who i wanted to be. the writer, the poet, someone who writes for a living and just sits down in her room with a view. i could also work in a library or in a museum, where i could stare at art and write about it. i want to write. and im sorry lola that i didnt get to finish the story i was writing for you. im sorry im not becoming someone you wished to be. im sorry to everyone who i let down. to my mom, you really are my best friend and im thankful to everything youve done for me, and the little things youve done to make me feel better. to my dad, thank you for the sacrifices you made for us, for my education, despite not being there physically. but you know, i had a lot of trauma growing up and carrying them now because of you two. my social anxiety, the way im afraid to speak up, when im asked about something i dont respond, because everything feels like a wrong answer. and a wrong answer always equates to screaming and shouting and punishing me physically for discipline. but dont worry, i guess, i tried to accept it with love. love equals hate, after all. the two of you did your best, but im sorry. i just want to sleep now.

Family and Friends are often seen as the cornerstone of our lives. We grow up with them, share memories, and build bonds that are supposed to last a lifetime. However, as we get older and experience different things, we come to realize that "not all" family relationships and friendships are positive and healthy. Sometimes, the people we love the most can also be the source of our pain and suffering.
It is a sad truth that there comes a point in life when we have to stop trying to mend things with them. We reach a breaking point where we can no longer tolerate their toxic behavior or their inability to acknowledge their mistakes. This can be a difficult decision to make. We often feel guilty for distancing ourselves from them, but sometimes, it is necessary for our own well-being.
I must add that as an adult during ,post Pandemic when i have going through very tough and challenging times, all my immediate family members supported me not just financially but even emotionally, to the extent of allowing me the liberty to transition through my career.
I am writing this post because recently when a conflict with someone arised which truthfully was based on something absolutely frivolous but dragged to look so big. I don't like dragging conversations when people have made up their mind that like always, they are always right.
The constant need to be right, the fragile egos, and the verbal toxicity were all traits that I couldn't ignore anymore.
Instead of having a mature conversation, this person resorted to personal attacks by namecalling. It was at that moment I realized that I could no longer keep trying to mend things with them. I couldn't continue to massage their fragile ego and tolerate their stubborn attitude.
It was a painful realization because I love this person and always wanted a close relationship, but I came to understand that sometimes, love is not enough. Toxic behavior should not be excused or tolerated just because they are family or friends or companion. It took me years to understand this and to finally put a stop to it.
But what was even more hurtful was the involvement of their child in this toxic dynamic. This kid, who used to share everything with me and considered me as their best friend, suddenly became distant and cold towards me. I couldn't understand why, and when I tried to talk to them about it, I was met with two worded response, while they pretended to indulge in their phone. I made a second attempt only to once again feel humiliated. It was as if I didn't exist anymore.
I spent couple of nights trying to figure out what I did wrong and how I could fix it. But the truth is, I didn't do anything wrong. Their behavior was a reflection of their own issues and insecurities.
It was at this point that I realized that I needed to protect myself. I couldn't continue to let their toxic behavior affect me. I had to learn the art of detachment – the act of letting go of toxic people and situations. It wasn't easy, but it was necessary for my mental and emotional well-being.
Detachment doesn't mean that you don't care about the person or situation. It simply means that you recognize your own boundaries and prioritize your own well-being. It is about creating distance from harmful relationships and learning to let go of expectations.
I had to learn that I can't control how someone i love treats me, but I can control how much I let their behavior affect me. I have finally stopped trying to fix things or constantly seek their approval. Instead, I am now focused on building healthy relationships with people who uplift me.
Detachment also teaches me the importance of self-care. I prioritize my own needs and take care of myself both mentally and physically. I surround myself with positive influences and activities that bring me joy. And slowly, I know I will heal from the pain and hurt caused by some people.
I have also learned to forgive them, not for their sake, but for mine. Forgiveness is not about excusing their behavior, but about freeing yourself from the burden of anger and resentment.
In the end, learning the art of detachment has been a powerful lesson for me. It has taught me to protect myself from toxic people and to prioritize my own well-being. It is not an easy journey, but it is necessary for our own growth and happiness.
So if you find yourself in a similar situation, remember that it is okay to distance yourself from them and focus on your own well-being.

I apologize if this is long, I don’t know how to shorten it! Recently I found out my childhood friend of 25 years, who is also my moms best friends daughter, messaged my ex boyfriend. I’m not sure how to navigate this. For some background, I grew up with this friend, we’ll call her “M,” but because we lived in different towns, and had very different lives, we’d really only see eachother when our moms would hangout. Regardless, it was like no time had passed and remains that way to this day. A few years ago, we ended up at the same college. M and I spent 3 years of college hanging out daily, and were incredibly close. During my entire college experience I was in a relationship with someone, who treated me terribly, we’ll call him V. This was my first real relationship, and V and I were together for 5 years. We broke up a few years ago, and I am in a new, incredibly happy relationship, so this story has nothing to do with V and everything to do with my friendship with M.
During college, when V would treat me poorly (name calling, yelling, I could never do anything right), I’d frequently spend time crying to M and she would console me. She knew how terribly he’d treat me while also knowing how absolutely inlove I was with V. So much so, that it obviously took me some time to gain strength to end it with him. V, M and I would spend a lot of time together, often with our other friends, hanging out as a group. M was a messy drunk, which would result in V feeling incredibly offput by her, and due to me and M’s long history, I never suspected she had a crush on V at any point. So, when she’d occasionally be more touchy with him, it struck me as innocent, and again, he’d be visibly offput by her in those moments, and would often tell me verbally later when we were alone that he found her weird. Nonetheless, she was my best friend, and after getting to know her well enough after some time, he knew how to shutdown the touchiness, and they were still friends because of how close M and I were.
After I graduated, M and I we went back to a more physically distant friendship but still kept in touch and would see eachother from time to time, and again it would be as if no time had passed. It is still that way now, 4 years since I’ve graduated. It’s now been a few years since I broke up with V, and M’s only relationship with V at any point was through me, so they haven’t seen eachother since I had been with him, and never had a friendship that would warrant keeping in touch with eachother after our breakup. I’ve seen M since the breakup and have talked about it and she is quite aware of the reasons for ending things with V.
So now to the main reason I’m writing this post: V’s twin sister, we’ll call her K, is my absolute best friend (I know, a bit crazy but our friendship started years and years prior to me and V dating. She does an incredible job at separating her relationships with the two of us and isn’t incredibly close with V.) Recently, V told K’s fiance that M reached out to him via text. Of course the information made its way to K, who then told me because she’s my best friend and knows it’s worth knowing, because otherwise I’d never know. However, it was heavily emphasized by V that I don’t find out. I’d like to reach out to M but it opens up the potential for K’s fiance finding out she told me and I don’t want to cause problems. I also don’t know the extent of what M texted V, other than that it was likely related to a hookup or something to that extent, and V was weirded out that she had reached out to him. I suppose I’m wondering what are peoples thoughts on the situation and how can I navigate this? I’m feeling betrayed by M as we’ve been friends for 25 years.

Greetings, Huntsmen, Huntresses, and gender neutral Hunters! Welcome to another week of writing prompts! If you are new here, this is a community-driven weekly event, and the purpose is primarily to generate creativity and have fun while doing so (whether you are a 100% real-meat person or not, we don't judge).

What will be involved Special Note for Spoilers!:

Each week, three RWBY-related topics will be posted (subject to ties and special events!). Participants can write a short piece of fiction or dialogue based on that prompt. When writing, the suggestion is to aim for 1k-3k words, however, this is not a requirement. There is no goal - this is not a popularity contest - just write and have fun! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! :)
SPOILERS:
Reminder that the spoiler embargo for Volume 9 and the Justice League movie has been lifted! You are all now free to make posts about the two without needing to spoiler tag it.

Rules (gore, NSFW, spoilers etc.)

The rules are the same as the sub's posting guidelines. Nobody here wants to see your story taken down, so please refer to them before contributing! If someone chooses to ignore these rules, the post will be removed.

Additional information

Pre-writing is welcome! /rwbyprompts is a sub with writing as a focus - there you will find an archive of all the threads as well as a somewhat fleshed-out wiki with odds and ends. :) A detailed spreadsheet of WPW things is here! Keep in mind that this houses a lot of the old prompts, but it also has links and things like early participation to previous WPW threads. We're trying this whole week-to-week thing in the face of the bajillion prompts we had built up. We might do something with them, or people might cycle them back in, who knows what could happen??
Find us on Discord at The Qrow's Nest! The permanent invite has been deleted due to Discord bot shenanigans, so dm shand if you want an invite!

The Prompts!:

Surprise! We're doing them all this week - have fun! :D
Team RWBY, plus Zwei, and Team JNPR play pirates. RWBY, except all songs are written by Sabaton. Atlas makes a space elevator near Vale and Vale is not happy with it. All out war resumes and the use of aerial drones are being used. As a joke, Yang sends pretend Valentines between the most random pairings of people she can think of. She’s shocked when all of them end up together. Team RWBY somehow travels back in time and encounters Team STRQ of the past. When Blake left her family to stay with the White Fang, she became the extremist, not Adam. Ozma agrees with Salem's plans to rule both humanity and the Faunus as the new Gods of Remnant, and has no regrets. After forsaking her mortal inheritance, Weiss is now eligible to be a Queen of the Winter Court of Fae, which is returning to Remnant for the first time since the Brother Gods abandoned it. "'s good as new. Maybe even a little better." "While bullets may wear your name, a hand grenade simply says 'to whom it may concern.'" An Atlas experiment accidentally fuses earth and remnant, hyjinks ensue. Free from Cinder, yet lost without a female figure to commit to, Emerald begins her quest for a new sistemothebestie/lover in Vacuo. The one time Port told a completely realistic and believable story. Yang and Blake discover another bonding point after realizing they both like a certain musician. Instead of Crocea Mors, Jaune has the Moonlight/Darkmoon Greatsword from any From Software Games you choose (boss fight included). Weiss and Ruby host a series of events to determine who has the best big sister. Instead of instilling fear into the hears of the people to make Beacon fall, Watts' hack sparked the Great Meme War!
Optional prompts that must be combined with one or more of the above:

Next Week's Poll:

[The Poll! is on vacation this week, see below!]()

Previously, on Writing Prompt Wednesday:

The thread
The Prompts:

• Blake tries to catch a mouse. Cue Tom and Jerry-esque hi-jinx.
• Nora and Ren get into a heated argument and start dividing team RNJR's camp in half with duct tape. Jaune and Ruby have to fix things.
• Glynda takes a day off, and comes back the next day to see Beacon in a state of...
• Jaune and Ruby have a Pokemon battle with NPR and WBY as their Pokemons.

Alternate-Secondary Prompts:

• Blake discovers all of "White Fang" had apparently redeemed themselves via "The Power of Friendship"
• [Insert character] establishes the Revolutionary Insurrectionary Black Army of Argus.
• The heroes react to finally learning what Headmaster Theodore looks like.
• The unfortunate way Yang learned that flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.
• An event from your fanfic/AU described in the style of the Armchair Historian.
• A Hero and Villain go out on a date. What happens during the date?
• A meeting between Signal Academy Instructors Qrow Branwen and Taiyang Xiao Long with Beacon Academy professors Peter Port and Bartholomew Oobleck to discuss Yang and Ruby as potential students at Beacon.
• Blake enters a dating show where Ilia, Sun, and Yang are vying for her affections.
• A comedy skit with the different Grimm as characters with different personalities as they discuss about their life and interactions with the Human/Faunus characters of RWBY.
• Domestic Team WTCH.
• A character mentally rehearses a conversation they imagine having with another character. They quickly blow things way out of proportion.
• Jaune, Salem, and Hazel reenact the scene from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom where the title character is forced to drink the Blood of Kali.

Upcoming Events:

New Year, new events! And now we have the quarter of spring leading into summer and the 4th of July FFA, I hope you all had a great holiday!

Important Stuff and Things!

I have managed to rescue /RWBYFanfiction from an untimely demise! If you would like to share your fanfic or make recommendations, head on over there! I know that I've said something special was coming for this, but Ruby on Rails is hard and not cheap to operate. The fanfiction indexer that I was trying to set up just isn't working and probably needs someone with more experience in RoR programming/design. I haven't completely put it to bed, but it might be a while before I can circle back to it. In the meantime, the fanfic sub has actually had a decent amount of postings - head on over and say hi! :)
No matter how bad things may get, words will always have meaning. Now get out there and write something, but most importantly, have fun! :)

Sorry if the formatting is weird, I’m typing this out in my phone. Also, sorry if the story is all over the place, I’m not a very good writer.
I simplified it in the title, but it’s not her boyfriend. My (18F) friend (18F) has been talking to this guy (16M) for around 3 weeks. Recently, she’s been ignoring my calls and then texting me that she’s on the phone with him. I don’t have a problem with that, she’s allowed to call him obviously, but she’s literally always on the phone with him or hanging out with him. While it hasn’t gotten to be that big of a problem yet, I can see it continuing to happen as they keep talking.
Last Saturday, me and her had a senior photo shoot together for our grad party. Since me and her are both awful procrastinators, we put off choosing our outfits until the day before. I facetimed her that night and she declined it. She then, of course, texted me that she was on the phone with him. She basically begged me to just talk about it over text before I even replied. She wasn’t wrong, I was against doing it over text because it would be a lot harder to do. I told her I wasn’t going to do it over text because of that, and asked her to just call me for 5 minutes then call him back. She again told me no and begged me to just do it over text or if she could just call me later. It was almost 12am and I was about to go to bed, but I caved because I didn’t want to start an argument. It made me especially upset because she hung out with him that day for 4 hours, then was calling him even after that, and still couldn’t spare 5 minutes for me on something I told her we’d have to figure out days before.
Today, the reason I’m writing this post, she bailed on me and my other friend. Last week, we made plans to go shopping today and we never get to hangout due to our schedules never matching up. I confirmed plans around 12PM and just 2 hours later she cancelled. She said it was because she wanted to wait for her paycheck, but (and I know this is bad to do) I checked her location after she sent that text and she was at his house. Then tonight I tried to call her and she was on the phone with him.
I don’t know what to do. We’ve had an conversation in the past about me feeling left out and it led to her saying she felt “suffocated” because everyone always wanted to do things with her. But now she’s spending every moment she can with this guy and I can’t help but feel that she just doesn’t want to hangout with me. I want to talk to her about it but when I brought up feeling left out before, she made me feel so invalidated.
And I don’t want to make this seem like she’s an awful friend, she isn’t. She’s an amazing friend and she’s just terrible when it comes to managing relationships/friendships. She gets anxious and stressed out very easily, so I don’t want to cause drama by bringing this up to her. Because I haven’t been able to actually talk to her about it, I’ve been snarky (“Ohh you can’t hangout because you’re gonna be with your man” type of remarks) when she brings him up or declines my calls. I don’t want to act like this because I don’t want to be a bad friend, but I find myself doing it without even thinking. Does anyone have any ideas on how to bring this up to her? If not, any opinions on the situation? Am I overreacting?

Hey there! Looking for some new people to talk to, down to chat about pretty much anything as long as you can somewhat hold a conversation haha. Not really great at writing these things so I'll just list off some of my interests and things I'm looking for.
About me:
-i like watching sports; baseball, hockey, F1, sometimes basketball.
-i love video games, I play mostly on my PC, but I also have a PS5 and a switch. Right now I'm mostly playing dota 2 and r6 siege, but I have and play a lot of other stuff too.
-I have two cats that I love to death, totally down to show you how cute they are!
I love movies, I have a pretty large physical movie collection of blu rays and 4ks, I especially love horror but I'll watch most genres.
-I also enjoy music a lot, mostly metal, but also pop punk, pop, rap, country, and some other random stuff too. I've been to A LOT of concerts over the past 10 years but haven't been to many recently.
-im pretty introverted, I work a lot and when I'm not working I like to pretty much stay in and relax for the most part.
-i work night shift, i I have a pretty unorthodox schedule and sleep during the day and I'm up all night haha
I have 6 tattoos!
I don't smoke or drink, I don't really mind or care if you do though!
Physically im 6 foot tall hazel eyes with glasses and short brown hair. Medium build, a bit of a dad bod.
That's pretty much it, I'm sure there's a lot more I could include but I'll save that for later. Now here's some things I'm looking for!
What I'm looking for:
-someone who can somewhat hold a conversation and is actually interested in getting to know each other
-down to share selfies and possibly down to voice chat in the near future
down to switch to another platform, I don't really want to use the chat feature on here, sorry.
-open to the possibility of something flirty, and or just friendship. I'm not strictly looking for friendship only.
That's mostly it I think. Shoot me a message with a little about yourself if you're interested

Hii! My name is Sophia and I’m a 16 year old girl looking to exchange stylish letters/small packages with a penpal :D I also don’t mind just sending messages to each other here on Reddit, or a different platform you may be comfortable with!
Let’s set one thing straight… I am extremely lonely! I haven’t had a real connection or conversation with anyone for a long time and I’m need of someone to talk to! I don’t mind any conversation, wether it’s deep and personal or if it’s just something about your day. We can talk about anything!! I have a great personality and just looking for a real human connection.
I’ve been homeschooled for a long time, since the past 8 years! So I’m not very social, and I have zero friends, and I mean that literally 😅 Unless you count my journal as one! But just because I don’t have friends, doesn’t mean I don’t know how to make a great conversation 😉 I have so much to talk about, our conversations could go on for a long time with white I have stored in here 🧠
I’m not very focused on school, I just do the assigned work and go to classes and that’s it, nothing extra! It’s just really hard for me to focus on it, I don’t feel happy doing it and doesn’t have anything to do with what my future career is going to be 🎤 Being a singesongwriter is my goal for the future, and yes to most people it probably sounds silly and think it’s not possible, but if it was then would be have any musicians today? I like to think that almost anything is possible!! 🌟💭 I honestly can’t say if I’m good or bad. I’ve been singing almost non stop for the past six years. Of course there are some things I need to improve on though. The thing is.. I’ve never sang in front of anyone before! Not even my own parents. I sing in front of my brother, but he’s really young so he can’t criticize me 😣
I love watching shows and movies! My favorite genres are romance and comedy the most but I like others too. I also watch crime/investigation shows, it’s always interesting and I have so many recommendations! I have been watching many different shows for the past couple of weeks, it’s very entertaining. I’m always open to recommendations as I usually stick to watching the same things in rotation…which can get boring 😓 My favorite show (anime), is One Piece!! If you don’t like One Piece, then I’m not sure I can talk to you… just kidding 😂 It’s something my entire family likes watching together, we’re currently starting the Whole Cake Island Arc! No spoilers please, I’ve already seen too many 😭
I like drawing, coloring, doodling. I have a journal that I like to decorate with stickers and cute little designs, which is what I plan to do in our letters!! I’m not the best, but I’m not the worst either 😄📝
I go to the golf range regularly to practice! I joined a golf club when I was younger and entered in tournaments too! I say I’m a decent player haha ⛳️
I have an “online business.” I sell here on Reddit and other platforms as well. I sell miniature toys and have been doing so for over a year. I make a decent amount of money from it! 🤑😅
I love cats, flowers/plants/nature 💐, both my parents are amazing cooks so it’s hard to choose a favorite dish 😬, one of my favorite colors is blue, and I can describe what I look like in a private chat if you’re interested in knowing!
I’m very serious about skincare, I had really horrible acne and after all these years I’ve finally been able to clear it up completely 🤩 My skin has never been more radiant :D Still needs work in some places though, I am always open to hearing what you think are the best products, or products that you’ve used that you feel are amazing! Im half Korean, and have always wanted to try Korean/Japanese skincare products. Im not very big on makeup, I don’t wear any. I’m working on showing my natural beauty, and also because I don’t want my skin to break out 😅 I like wearing lipgloss and that’s about it :o
I’ve been through some really dark times and I’ve found the easiest way to let your feelings out is by writing it out in a journal, which is what I’ve been doing recently! My young brain is still growing so it’s hard to process what I see and hear sometimes, and I talk inside my head a lot to try and process it, but the best way to make sense of it all is by writing out what you really feel ❤️‍🩹 But, just know that even if you may be going through something terrible, that it will eventually come to an end, because life is not that cruel and has to balance negative and positive. It’s what I’ve learned and seen, that’s why we have so many emotions because we can’t just be happy all the time, and life can’t just give you happy moments every day, sometimes you need sad/bad days in order to appreciate the good ones! I realized that the past few years I haven’t done anything productive or tried to make myself feel better. But that’s changing! I’ve starting exercising, journaling, upgraded skincare routine, eating healthier and more nutritious hearty foods, and hoping to keep it up! Remember to love yourself and don’t neglect your body, and always take care of yourself 😙 And hopefully once we start chatting, you’ll feel comfortable sharing any dark times you’ve been through!
I’m looking for a penpal from anywhere, male or female!! And hopefully also around my age (16-25), but age doesn’t really matter to me, it’s just a number after all! 💌 We can send letters, chat here on Reddit (or somewhere else if you’d like) or little packages with things each of us like ours letters inside! I’ll be sure to design the letters in an aesthetic you like ✨ I really just want to talk about anything and everything, whatever we want!! Hopefully it can turn into a long lasting friendship 💝
Message me if you’re interested in becoming my penpal! There’s still so much you haven’t learned about me yet <3

Please let me know how this sounds 💚 I am terrible with words and terrified of public speaking sooooo I need it to sound good while I try not to pass out as I give this speech 💀
-Hello everyone! Thank you all for joining us to celebrate these two amazing individuals. Bride, you look absolutely stunning, and groom, you clean up quite nicely too!

• I know a good portion of you here with us tonight but for those I don’t know, hi my name is MOH.
  
• I met Groom and Bride in high school through mutual friends. While I hung out with bride occasionally and bumped into groom in group settings, it wasn't until a few years later that bride and I would become close.
  
• bride, It's difficult to put into words just how grateful I am for you, but ill give it my best shot. Thank you for loving me for who I am, even though I'm a bit bullheaded and stubborn. You’re the person I call when I have exciting news to share or need to vent after a tough day. I know my deepest secrets are safe with you and you’ll give me the advice I need, even when it's tough to hear. Thank you for loving my children as your own, even if they are little wild. I can never thank you enough for always being around to support me during those dark days after I had child’s name.. I don’t know how I would of made it these last 9 years with out you. While life has taken us down different paths, we have always made the best effort to keep our friendship as close as possible. Naps on the couch with the dogs and all day hangouts have turned into trips to the zoo and hour long phone calls on your drive home and even longer when you commuted for school. Just know we can never stop our wild days on the boat and ice cream runs to ___, those keep us both somewhat sane. Bride you are kind and loving, genuine to the core and never afraid to speak your mind. You are truly amazing inside and out and i’m so glad I to call you my best friend.
  
• Groom, I was unsure if we would become friends in the beginning of you and bride’s relationship. You would walk in the door without saying a word, heading straight for the computer room. Now when you walk in, you almost always have some smack to talk, so id say we’ve come a long way. You’re not the type to write some mushy Facebook post professing your love for bride, and If you did, I'd probably think you've hit your head... But words aren’t necessary to see how much you adore her. The way your face lights up when you look at her says it all. Your love for her is unconditional. Thank you for loving bride exactly as she is, for always standing by her as her biggest supporter, and for filling her days with laughter and joy. Even if that means occasionally pushing her buttons just to get a rise out of her. I could not imagine a more perfect person to be her husband.
  
• Mr. And Mrs. XXXX! I have been dying to say that all day. Thank you for allowing the kids and I to be a part of your special day. May your love continue to grow stronger with each passing day, and may your journey together be filled with laughter, joy, and endless blessings. Here's to a lifetime of happiness and cherished memories. Congratulations, Groom and Bride, I love you both. Cheers!!
  

Please let me know how this sounds 💚 I am terrible with words and terrified of public speaking sooooo I need it to sound good while I try not to pass out as I give this speech 💀
-Hello everyone! Thank you all for joining us to celebrate these two amazing individuals. Bride, you look absolutely stunning, and groom, you clean up quite nicely too!

• I know a good portion of you here with us tonight but for those I don’t know, hi my name is MOH.
  
• I met Groom and Bride in high school through mutual friends. While I hung out with bride occasionally and bumped into groom in group settings, it wasn't until a few years later that bride and I would become close.
  
• bride, It's difficult to put into words just how grateful I am for you, but ill give it my best shot. Thank you for loving me for who I am, even though I'm a bit bullheaded and stubborn. You’re the person I call when I have exciting news to share or need to vent after a tough day. I know my deepest secrets are safe with you and you’ll give me the advice I need, even when it's tough to hear. Thank you for loving my children as your own, even if they are little wild. I can never thank you enough for always being around to support me during those dark days after I had child’s name.. I don’t know how I would of made it these last 9 years with out you. While life has taken us down different paths, we have always made the best effort to keep our friendship as close as possible. Naps on the couch with the dogs and all day hangouts have turned into trips to the zoo and hour long phone calls on your drive home and even longer when you commuted for school. Just know we can never stop our wild days on the boat and ice cream runs to ___, those keep us both somewhat sane. Bride you are kind and loving, genuine to the core and never afraid to speak your mind. You are truly amazing inside and out and i’m so glad I to call you my best friend.
  
• Groom, I was unsure if we would become friends in the beginning of you and bride’s relationship. You would walk in the door without saying a word, heading straight for the computer room. Now when you walk in, you almost always have some smack to talk, so id say we’ve come a long way. You’re not the type to write some mushy Facebook post professing your love for bride, and If you did, I'd probably think you've hit your head... But words aren’t necessary to see how much you adore her. The way your face lights up when you look at her says it all. Your love for her is unconditional. Thank you for loving bride exactly as she is, for always standing by her as her biggest supporter, and for filling her days with laughter and joy. Even if that means occasionally pushing her buttons just to get a rise out of her. I could not imagine a more perfect person to be her husband.
  
• Mr. And Mrs. XXXX! I have been dying to say that all day. Thank you for allowing the kids and I to be a part of your special day. May your love continue to grow stronger with each passing day, and may your journey together be filled with laughter, joy, and endless blessings. Here's to a lifetime of happiness and cherished memories. Congratulations, Groom and Bride, I love you both. Cheers!!
  

Hey there! I’m Izzy, and I’m on the lookout for fellow enthusiasts of immersive roleplaying experiences. If you’re someone who loves delving deep into a rich, multi-layered narrative, values multi-paragraph writing, and appreciates decent grammar while understanding that mistakes happen, then you’ve come to the right place!
But wait, there’s more! I’m not just searching for roleplay partners; I’m seeking friends who are passionate about collaborative storytelling and are eager to embark on an epic journey together. If you’re ready to not only be part of the creative process but also continue working together in the future, then you’re exactly who I’m looking for!
Now, let’s delve into the captivating world of “Earthbreakers.” Picture a universe teeming with cosmic wonders, where ancient elemental forces shape the destinies of planets and civilizations. From the frozen cyberpunked landscapes of Stilbon to the fiery lawless wastelands of Pyroesis, each planet holds its own secrets, conflicts, and untold stories.
In this vast expanse of the cosmos, Earthbreakers—individuals gifted with extraordinary abilities—are caught in the midst of societal turmoil and cosmic conflict. As these wielders of elemental power navigate a world plagued by fear and prejudice, they must grapple with questions of morality, power, and survival amidst the chaos.
But that’s not all! Within this universe, powerful organizations and factions vie for dominance, shaping the course of destinies and wielding influence over entire societies. Whether you align yourself with the authoritarian Orion Security Governance or The Feudal Hierarchy of Voxar the Golden’s rule, across the planets, there’s a place for everyone in the grand world of “Earthbreakers.”
So, are you ready to join me on this epic adventure? If you’re eager to explore vibrant worlds, weave intricate narratives, and forge lasting friendships along the way, then let’s embark on this journey together! Reach out to me via PMs!

Dont get me wrong I’m not giving up on people, just having one of those days where I feel trapped. Ive (23F) learned to associate social interaction with rejection, exhaustion, cringing at myself, etc because I’ve always sucked at it. Job searching/being unemployed has been maddening recently, I dont feel worthy of friendship if I dont work or have anything going on because I’m so dull as a person. My interests have always been put down and I caved to the peer pressure, but I recently connected again with stuff that helped me cope as a kid (undertale, cartoons, zelda, etc) and it made me feel,,,HAPPY. For the first time in I dont even know when. But I think my biggest struggle at the moment is feeling that I need to choose between what makes me happy and human connection. Balancing reality and daydreams has always been really tough, some days I’m fully present and other days I despise the thought of eating or being percieved. Being alone is more than relaxing, I feel like I can breathe without fear of judgement or having to perform, its addicting. Though I’m at a point of isolation where even the thought of just making friends online is intimidating lol. Anyways, just needed to write shit down and get it out of my brain.

I have always struggled with friendships. Brings tears to my eyes just writing that.
I used to be super proactive and always making plans with people, but I noticed that no one really calls me or reciprocates. It really sucks!
I’m tired of asking and rarely being asked.
How have any of you dealt with feelings like this?