Bill o reilly@mohegan
SoundsLikeMusic
2015.07.07 18:08 manapod SoundsLikeMusic
SoundsLikeMusic
2012.03.04 07:52 Odd Future Wolf Gang
Appreciating the art, music, culture, and influence of Odd Future. Also fuck Bill O'Reilly
2014.08.23 19:27 RachelMaddog That comment was the tops, kid! (kid = me)
Just real great stuff from RachelMaddog what a great commenter
2024.05.16 21:58 863-jaylaa AITAH for not wanting to clean after school and rest for one day.
I’m a 17 y/o high school student soon to graduate. I work almost every day afterschool from 4-12, and I work 9-5 on the weekends. Today I came home from school completely exhausted from doing tests to graduate all day. It’s one of my days off and I wanted to come home and rest maybe an hour or two because my head has been hurting me. I walk into myself and my mom is screaming at me about how I never do anything around the house anymore (I pay bills and buy food) and how e i’m becoming lazy, and that I need to clean today or I will be grounded. I tried to explain how i’m feeling mentally today and she turned it on to herself. I ran into my room and closed my door to take a breather. Currently i’m in my room thinking on if I was being dramatic or if she was .
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2024.05.16 21:24 BackgroundCrafty3755 Tax Advocate Service? NOPE Hardship request? NOPE Senator? NOPE
It seems like none of these are real. I significantly overpaid withholdings trying to make sure I did not get hit with a huge tax bill because of a stupid year of lay off, severance, 403b withdrawal, contract work etc.., It has now been 109 days since I filed. and nothing. Of course I shouldn't count on a refund to pay bills, but I never imagined it would take m o n t h s to get those withholdings back. My home is in default, behind on everything, even Turbo Tax now trying to take their fees out of an overdrawn account... Filed Jan 27, accepted Jan 29, 5071 Mar 7, 4464 April 8. Tax Advocate Service says my home in default does not qualify for a case (what?!) and that they are not accepting cases "like this" until July, the IRS tells me to call TAS, TAS tells me to call IRS, State Rep Barbara Lee's office says the IRS has 45 days to respond to their inquiry, might be longer... this is nuts. IRS and TAS websites paint a pretty picture of accountability and possibility, but none of it is real. Like it's their Facebook page and they're all posing on a yacht. I guess maybe they were able to buy that yacht with the interest free loan I provided them?
submitted by BackgroundCrafty3755 to IRS [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 19:54 Tight_Philosophy8244 Am I wrong for apparently making my friend's girlfriend suicidal by asking for basic fairness?
The people involved (names are changed):
Jake – me
Tom – my flatmate
Kath – Tom’s girlfriend
Emily – Kath’s flatmate
TLDR (but context is very important for how the situation develops):
· Me and Emily get with each other at a party.
· It turns out Kath had forbidden Emily from getting with me. Since Emily went and did it anyway, Kath falls out with her.
· Kath ends her friendship with Emily. Me and Emily continue seeing each other.
· When I plan to go to see Emily at their apartment, Tom tells me that Kath is in a really dark place mentally, and the thought of me and Emily being there together while Kath’s there is triggering her anxiety, so he asks me not to go over.
· Me and Emily follow these instructions for months, all whilst Tom and Kath continue coming and going to either of our apartments as they please.
· Emily eventually gets in touch with Kath to try and understand exactly why me coming over is an issue, since Kath has no problem coming to my place. Kath has a meltdown due to this and it makes her suicidal.
· Tom falls out with me because I knew about the messages that caused his girlfriend to feel suicidal.
(Skip to 'Late April' if you want to go straight to the crux of this post, but I do think it's quite an entertaining read).
Background Context
Me and Tom (both mid-twenties) have lived together in our apartment since I moved to the city last year. I’ve known him for several years and would put him in my inner circle of closest friends, so living with him was all just good chill vibes as expected - or at least it was for the first six months.
I met Tom’s girlfriend of several months, Kath, for the first time pretty soon after moving in. Although she was kind of shy, I thought she seemed nice enough. I noticed that Kath would seem to lean on Tom a fair amount when it came to support for her mental health (she had been diagnosed with anxiety), which of course is normal as her boyfriend. On one occasion, she had a particularly bad anxious episode during a group hangout, with Tom consoling her about it afterwards. Following this, Tom seemed exhausted, saying to me “I’m not a professional, I’m not equipped to deal with all this mental health stuff. She needs help from someone who can adequately help her deal with these thoughts. When she blows things out of proportion and she stresses out to me about her anxiety, it just ends up making my own anxiety worse”. He also said that he had even offered to pay for therapy for Kath, but she didn’t want to accept it.
I just felt bad for Tom, especially since I had some understanding of what he was going through. I had previously had a girlfriend who had anxiety/depression/BPD and put all her mental health issues on me. That girlfriend was also very manipulative and would mention suicidal thoughts any time she started feeling like she was losing control over me (just to be clear, there was no indication that Kath was acting in a manipulative way towards Tom at that point). In my experience, when you end up in a situation where you’re essentially acting as someone’s full-time personal mental health counsellor, it hardly ever ends well.
At some point in January, I met Kath’s “bestie” flatmate, Emily. I remember thinking she was cute, seemed nice and easy to talk to. We all hung out as a group a few times that month and I thought there may have been a little bit of a vibe between me and Emily.
So as you do, I slid into Emily’s DMs and basically let her know I was interested. I messaged her a week or two before our party that her and Kath were coming to, but her response was lukewarm so I just thought she probably wasn’t interested.
For context, I had recently broken up with my girlfriend in January, who had just got back from travelling for the last 6 months. Things in that relationship weren’t great before she even went travelling, and during the months she was away I had come to terms with the fact that it was best to end it. I waited until she was back to say it in person, as I didn’t want to drop that on her while she was travelling and ruin that once in a lifetime experience. However, deep down I knew I had wanted talk to other girls and explore new connections for the last few months, but obviously I didn’t want talk to anyone until it was cleanly over. Me messaging Emily was only a few days after breaking up with her, which I guess isn’t great, but in my head I had been ready to move on for a while, I saw no point in putting an arbitrary time limit on myself. I made sure to explain this context when I messaged Emily so that she was aware of my recent circumstances.
The Party (End of January)
So me and Emily end up getting with each other at the party. Initially, when I brought up me messaging her, she said “I think you’re cute, but I think it’s best we just be friends for the next couple months, since you just recently got out of a relationship, and we can see what happens afterwards”. But as the night went on, I guess Emily changed her mind, because as we kept talking it got increasingly flirty and we ended up getting together. Perfect end to the night, right? Not exactly.
At one point when Emily goes to the bathroom, she comes back into my bedroom saying “Kath is furious at me”. I ask why, and she says that Kath had basically forbidden her from getting with me.
Back when I first messaged Emily, she had of course shown Kath the messages straight away. It turns out Kath for some reason had a really intense reaction to this and was like “I can’t believe he has the audacity to hit on my best friend right after breaking up with his girlfriend! It’s so disrespectful using you as a rebound, it’s disrespectful to his ex and it’s disrespectful to me for hitting on my best friend like this! He was the only one of Tom’s friends that I actually liked but he’s ruined that too now!”.
Apparently, Kath had been used as a rebound before and this was triggering for her, so she didn’t want her best friend to be used as a rebound. She said “you can’t get with him, Emily, that’s my boundary.” Emily was a bit taken aback by the intensity of this reaction and was just a bit like “umm okay…?”. She tried a few times before the party to understand a bit more about why Kath had such a problem with it but didn’t get much further explanation than that.
Now, I agree that Emily was in the wrong for saying to Kath that she wouldn’t get with me and then went and did it anyway, and Emily also acknowledges this. Emily should have said from the start she wasn’t okay with this weird “boundary” Kath had set. It was a bit cowardly. Although given how intensely Kath overreacts to things, I can understand why Emily initially just agreed to whatever she was saying to calm her down. I can also understand how when you’re at a party having fun, drinking and realise that you do actually have a good vibe with the person, in the moment you might change your mind and be like “actually fuck that, who the fuck is she to tell me who I can and can’t get with?”.
Kath saw this as Emily having no respect for their friendship, by choosing some guy she’d just met over her. From Emily’s perspective she was choosing herself, choosing not to follow these nonsensical rules that had been imposed on her, and she was just tired of Kath overreacting to everything and trying to control her.
In my opinion, being this controlling for no good reason is pretty disrespectful in itself. Given that Kath’s reason for telling Emily not to get with me was because she didn’t want her to be used as a rebound…well that’s Emily’s risk to take, isn’t it? I can see how from Emily’s perspective, she knew Kath might not be happy about it, but it’s also not some deep betrayal, since based on the reason Kath gave, the consequence would only be on Emily herself. Emily had the exact same knowledge about my recent relationship status as Kath did, so why did Kath think she can tell her what to do?
As we get to further into this post and the real reason why Kath set this “boundary” is revealed, you will see why I actually think any argument Kath has against Emily for getting with me at the party is automatically void, but we will learn these details as they come.
Start of February
After the events of the party, Kath didn’t want to talk to Emily the next day when she tried to initiate communication via message (Kath tends to avoid in-person confrontation). Fair enough, Emily gave her space. Me and Emily spend the next day together just talking and getting to know each other more, and it’s clear that we vibe together and both feel very comfortable with each other, which is pretty rare for both of us.
I don’t see Tom for the first few days after the party, as he had been staying at Kath’s. When I do, I’m a bit surprised that he didn’t think much of Kath’s reaction at the party. He says “yeah I probably should have warned you about this beforehand”. We both agree that Emily was in the wrong for going back on what she said, but also that Kath shouldn’t have tried to control her like that. He did say “sorry I know this put you in an awkward position”.
A few days after the party, Emily again tries to get in touch with Kath via message.
Emily’s message essentially apologised for her actions, saying she was in the wrong for going back on what she said, and that she should have said from the start that she wasn’t happy with this “boundary”. She also said that Kath shouldn’t have tried to dictate her life and tell her what to do, especially when it’s something that’s none of her business, and that she is going to continue seeing me, taking the risk of being a “rebound”.
Kath’s response essentially said the whole incident at the party was only a small part of why she exploded so intensely, this was just the last in a long line of things Emily had done in the past which she had not forgiven her for. This was just the last straw for Kath because “it hit so close to home, so close to the love of my life”. She wanted things to be civil between them until the end of their tenancy, but this was essentially the end of their friendship.
Okay good, Kath flipping out so badly now finally made a bit more sense to me. Obviously, I wanted to know what Emily had done that was so bad to cause this, as any indicators of bad character would inform whether I choose to keep talking to her.
Emily went through these, explaining that these were incidents from their past that they had discussed at the time, dealt with and moved on from. I have cut these out for the word limit as they don’t add much to this post, but it was the most minor, nonsensical things (I can explain in the comments if anyone wants details).
In any case, I wasn’t particularly interested in what mistakes Emily might have made months or years ago, I was more interested in what her character was like now and going forward.
Early/Mid February
So here’s where the main situation we’re in now starts. For context, Kath and Emily’s apartment is in the city center, close to where both mine and Tom’s offices are, so it would make sense to go over in the evening and go into work from theirs the next morning, as Tom has been doing once or twice a week for the last few months.
It's worth noting that ever since the party right up to the present moment, Emily and Kath have not been interacting at all, avoiding each other in their apartment, only messaging for things like bill payments.
The first time I planned to go stay round Emily’s place was early/mid-February. When I mention this to Tom, he tells me that Kath has been having a really bad time mentally since the party, and the thought of me and Emily being there together triggers her anxiety. He asks me not to go over to their apartment for the next couple of weeks or so while she’s in this particularly bad phase. I don’t really understand what me going over and seeing Emily has to do with Kath’s anxiety (and Tom says he doesn't really understand it either himself), but I say okay fine it’s not that big of deal, I won’t go over for the time being.
Now, a valid question for myself is why I decided to keep seeing Emily, despite knowing that Kath had fallen out with her and therefore knowing it could potentially cause fiction between me and Tom. I don’t think I did anything wrong for several reasons:
· I suppose there’s the general visceral reaction against being told what to do. Like mind your own business, it’s not my fault Kath decided to get involved in my business. Why should she get what she wants when she’s the one being unreasonable? Why should we deny ourselves the opportunity of getting to know someone we seem to vibe with just because Tom’s girlfriend doesn’t like it?
· Before I even knew there was any issue at all, it was already too late; I had already gotten with Emily, they had already fallen out, and Kath already thought I was a dickhead. So what good would it do now to not see each other? Kath already didn’t like me (and she had also previously told me that once she doesn’t like someone, there’s no going back, they’re finished in her mind).
· In the initial first few days after the party, both me and Tom were kind of expecting that Kath’s reaction would blow over in a few days after she had cooled down. How could I have predicted that her reaction would instead continue getting increasingly intense as the situation went on?
· Frankly, I was annoyed at Tom at this point. He knew how Kath had reacted to me messaging Emily, so why did he just bend over and enable his girlfriends’ controlling, unreasonable behavior without question? If it was my girlfriend acting like this generally, I’d be like “why are you getting involved in their business, just let them do what they want?”, and especially so if it was directly affecting one of my close friends.
· Fundamentally, there’s no inherent reason why there had to be any issue at all? Okay Kath has ended her friendship with Emily and might not like that we’re seeing each other, but there’s no need for there to be any continued drama. Obviously we won’t all be hanging out as a four having fun like I had initially hoped, but that doesn’t mean we can’t just exist as adults and be civil? The only reason this continues to be an issue in the first place is because Kath is making it an issue for everyone else involved.
· Finally, I actually like Emily – from the first few days it was clear it wasn’t just going to be a FWB situation. If it felt like more of a superficial FWB situation, then yeah I probably would have just thought it’s not worth the drama, even though I thought Kath was the one in the wrong.
Late February
Over the month of February, me and Emily keep hanging out and getting closer. Whilst I was keeping a very close eye on her for any sign of character flaws (it was still possible that Kath could be in the right, even though her side of it didn’t make much sense to me), the more I got to know her, the more it seemed my initial judgment of her was accurate. I saw how she acted with her other friends, they all seemed to really value and appreciate her. I saw her helping out her friend in need of a fairly large amount of money without a second thought, I saw her going to accompany her friend for a medical scan they had, and generally she was really nice and thoughtful with me. Not exactly the behavior of an inconsiderate person.
Sometime in late February, Emily messages me completely baffled. She couldn’t believe that Kath had invited over a girl from their social circle, Dianne. The reason why this is a bit scandalous is because Kath is always talking shit about Dianne behind her back. And it’s not just “she can be a bit annoying sometimes”, it’s an explicit sentiment of how much she dislikes her, how much of a bad person she is and how much she wants her removed from her life. And she does this frequently, I barely speak to Kath and even I’ve heard her rant about how much she doesn’t like Dianne. So, she’s constantly saying this kind of stuff behind her back, and here she is now inviting her round for tea acting all friendly. I just found that so two-faced and this inevitably shaped my perception of Kath being deceptive.
Not long after I heard about this, Kath was round our place over the weekend. Me, Tom and Kath were heading off to our friend’s housewarming party later that day, with me driving us. At one point when the three of us are all in the kitchen, Kath speaks to me properly for the first time since the party, basically to clear the air. She says she doesn’t want there to be any bad blood between us and that her problem wasn’t with me, it was with Emily. I just say that I was cool with her, I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable with me or when coming over to our apartment, and that the situation between her and Emily was between them and not my business.
I wasn’t entirely convinced with her “clearing the air”, given that I had seen she apparently has no issue with being two-faced, but at the time I thought it was best to stay cool with her for the sake of me and Tom’s friendship and also I didn’t particularly fancy spending the rest of the day and a long car ride with awkward vibes.
End of February
At the end of February, Tom asks me how things are going with Emily and basically advises caution with her. He says that from what he’s seen she’s basically not a good person and she’s generally inconsiderate. I tell him I find that surprising from what I’ve seen of Emily, but I know it’s possible she could have just been putting on a front for the last month. I openly accept this, saying “I want to hear what you have to say, obviously you’re my friend and I respect your opinion”.
Essentially, he doesn’t bring up anything that I hadn’t already been told.
When I question Tom on why Kath thought she was a mind reader and assuming what my intentions were with Emily at the very start of this whole thing, Tom reveals he had since found out that the real reason Kath had forbidden Emily from getting with me in the first place actually wasn’t really to do with me recently breaking up with my girlfriend/using Emily as a rebound (Tom said this was a minor part of the reason, more of an excuse to base it on). It was more that Kath already knew beforehand that she wanted to end her friendship with Emily and was essentially trying to prevent her still being part of her life (i.e. by getting close to her boyfriend’s friend/flatmate).
Now it all made sense why Kath tried to “ban” her from getting with me in the first place. I’m not sure if Tom thought telling me this would make me more sympathetic to Kath’s side of it, but if anything, this deceptive behavior was even more of a red flag to me. As far as everyone (except for Kath) was concerned, her and Emily were best friends. Kath had even said to Emily a couple of weeks before the party that “she was like a sister to her”.
Tom didn’t seem to have much issue with this, saying something along the lines of “yeah I know she shouldn’t have kept all this stuff bottled up, but she doesn’t like confrontation, it makes her really anxious”.
After learning this, I think any argument for Emily being in the wrong for disobeying Kath’s instructions at the party is automatically void: Imagine having the audacity to be like “yeah I know I tried to control you by framing it as me being a protective friend looking out for you, but actually it was really because I wanted to end my friendship with you anyway teehee 😊”. In my view that is just so manipulative. No wonder the reason given to Emily for not getting with me made no sense to her.
When I revealed this to Emily, she said that she had been suspecting that was the case anyway, but it still really hurt to hear it confirmed.
Form her perspective it was like: “So was Kath holding all these grudges all the times I was consoling her for whatever mental health issue she was having at any given time?” (I wonder if Tom was thinking what a bad person Emily was when it was him and Emily staying up till stupid o’clock trying to console Kath who was crying about job applications a few weeks before all this kicked off). There are many other examples of things she had done for Kath in both the recent and more distant past.
Kath also knew that Emily’s best friend had killed herself a few years prior, and after going through the loss of her best friend, Emily had always said she was super hesitant to call anyone her “best friend”. Kath knew about this and still let Emily believe they were best friends, whilst she clearly didn’t really mean it, which I think is quite cruel of her.
Despite what I had seen of Emily so far, I still took what Tom said into account, and continued to watch her carefully.
Mid March
Another couple of weeks pass and given that my last interaction with Kath was her clearing the air with me, I thought everything was now cool between us. I mention to Tom at the start of the week that I’m planning to stay at their apartment later that week and he says “okay cool”. However, later that same evening, he once again asks me not to go over to their apartment. Apparently when he told Kath that I was going over, she started having a panic attack at the thought of me going there.
At this point I’m really started to get frustrated at this situation and again I try to understand exactly what the problem is, because this entire time Kath and Tom have been coming and going to either apartment as they please, so Kath clearly doesn’t have a problem coming to my apartment while I’m there. Tom again says that he doesn’t fully understand it himself, and that Kath doesn’t want to feel this way either, but she’s in a really bad place at the moment and me being there with Emily is really triggering her anxiety.
This makes no sense to me or Emily, because we obviously wouldn’t do anything to make Kath uncomfortable, and from our perspective this is just enabling her dysfunctional way of dealing with this situation.
Even though I still don’t understand what the fuck me seeing Emily has got to do with Kath’s mental health, I’m obviously not going to barge my way into someone’s home when I’m not welcome. So once again, I do as I’m told and say I won’t go over. But I do tell Tom that this situation isn’t going to continue going on like this indefinitely, and to me it feels to me like I’m being walked all over, in the sense of “oh yeah no worries, you two carry on going to either apartment as you please, I’ll just sit here like a dickhead and follow my instructions, don’t worry about it 😊”. He does say sorry and that he knows it’s inconvenient for us, but it's an even bigger inconvenience for Kath.
It’s worth bearing in mind that at this point, I could have responded to this situation by saying that if I’m not welcome at her apartment, Kath is not welcome here (or equally Emily could say to Kath “you can’t bring Tom round”). Whilst yes, it’s a bit petty, I think this would be a completely justified response to prevent a situation where we are being walked all over. Because what would be the alternative? They just carry on doing as they please indefinitely whilst Emily is told she isn’t allowed to have equal use of her own apartment? Now obviously telling your friend that his girlfriend isn’t allowed to come over is really a last resort and would definitely put a big dent in our friendship, and generally I have no desire to control what anyone else does, so of course I didn’t respond in this way.
Despite my frustration at this entire situation, I do feel bad for Tom because I can see how uncomfortable he seems during these conversations with me, he obviously doesn’t want to give me these unreasonable instructions. I can only assume he’s just trying to do whatever he can to keep his girlfriend afloat and prevent her next meltdown. I’ve been there myself dealing with a girlfriend with mental health issues, so I don’t want to actively make things worse for my friend either. However, I’m also worried that it’s likely to get worse for him the more he feeds into it and gets sucked into it.
At this point, the cynical side of me couldn’t help but wonder if Kath was being a bit manipulative and leaning into all the mental health stuff to maintain control of the situation.
· She seemingly is unable to give a reason for exactly why me and Emily being in her apartment makes her so uncomfortable. To me, this was completely indistinguishable from her just hating the fact that we’re together.
· All this reminds me of exactly the same kind of manipulative behavior I saw with that ex-girlfriend.
· She’s shown she has no problem with being intentionally deceptive – maybe if the entire basis of this situation hadn’t started off with Kath being manipulative she would have a bit more credibility in my eyes.
I know this kind of behavior is often not even intentional, and that it can be subconscious where the person doesn’t even realise they’re being manipulative.
(Still Mid March)
Now we get to the part that pisses me off the most in this whole situation. Only a few days after that conversation with Tom, for some reason Kath comes to stay in our apartment for the weekend while Tom was away at a house party. As in, it’s just me and Kath in my apartment.
Personally, I couldn’t imagine having the nerve to say to someone they aren’t welcome in my home because their presence triggers me, and then only a mere few days later actively choosing to go stay the weekend at their place while it’s just us two in the apartment. Like either my presence triggers you or it doesn’t?
Now to be fair, Tom had asked me a week or two beforehand if Kath could come to our apartment to hang out with someone from our friend group while he was away, and I said that was cool. Anyway, those plans fell through, but Kath still came over by herself.
But the main thing that pissed me off about this is that Tom, after knowing that I was already feeling like I was being taken for a mug in this situation, apparently didn’t even think it was worth bothering to check with me if it was still cool with me that Kath came round, given our conversation a few days prior.
If he’d at least checked in like, “I know it’s a bit weird that she’s coming to stay round by herself after having just said that your presence triggers her anxiety”, I still would’ve said okay, because I have no desire to control what anyone does. But it was just the fact he didn’t seem to care, saying “btw Kath is gonna stay here tonight” moments before leaving to his party.
To me it felt like he had spent the last month or so basically giving me instructions to make sure everyone caters to his girlfriend’s feelings, and yet didn’t give the slightest consideration to how this would make me feel. Part of me was thinking does he even see me as a friend or just as an inconvenience to his relationship at this point?
I spoke to Tom in the week following this, expressing how I had felt about Kath staying round. He did apologise and acknowledged he could’ve checked in with me, but he didn’t really seem to understand why her coming over like that was such a kick in the teeth for me. He said Kath doesn’t have a problem with me, it’s only a very specific situation that triggers her (i.e. me and Emily being in her apartment together).
Again I try to understand exactly why it’s a problem. Ever since the party, Emily’s presence in their apartment has consisted of her quietly staying in her room, quickly cooking her food and going straight back to her room. She doesn’t spend 2 hours in the kitchen making food like Kath and Tom sometimes do when he’s there.
Tom again says he doesn’t fully understand it himself. From what he understands, it’s triggering because her home is her safe space and if we’re both there it’s like there’s two hostile presences in that safe space. He reiterated that she is in a very dark place at the moment, and that she’s been having frequent panic attacks and suicidal thoughts.
Tom then says that Kath would be prepared to leave the apartment if me and Emily wanted to meet there, and Kath would basically get out of the way and come to me and Tom’s apartment instead. This did give me a bit more confidence that Kath wasn’t just purposefully making things difficult.
If Kath genuinely meant this, then of course that’s really appreciated, but I’m obviously not going to make her leave her own home and come all the way to ours to then have a 2 hour commute to her work. It’s so over the top and needless. I think that this clearly isn’t a functional solution going forward. What if one day when we want to meet up, Kath has had a long day at work and doesn’t feel like leaving her apartment (obviously, fair enough!), what if she’s got plans with friends in her apartment that evening? In any case, it’s still a situation where rules are being imposed on us, I can never just spontaneously decide to go see Emily one day after work or something. We still can’t come and go freely in the same way they have been doing for the past two months. It would be much better to understand why exactly it’s such a problem and see how we’re going to find a long-term solution, instead of Kath just running away from it.
The cynical side of me was wondering if Kath was just saying this knowing that neither me or Emily are realistically going to make her leave her own home, and if we do agree to it, then she can say “oh look how inconsiderate they are, making me leave my own home just so that they can be in the apartment”, ensuring that she keeps Tom firmly on her side.
Logically, I would’ve thought as time goes on, Kath would eventually get used to the situation and just accept it. Conversely, is it not quite understandable that the longer we have rules imposed on us, the more frustrated we become?
Once again say that I won’t go over and tell him that I won’t press this issue for the time being.
Late April
So now we get to the latest development in the situation, which is the crux of this post.
For the next month or so after that conversation with Tom, me and Emily have just been following our instructions and not pressed anything, whilst they continue coming and going as they please. One weekend we’re talking about the whole ‘Kath situation’ and we say “okay we’ve left it for a while now, it’s probably time to see how we’re going to move forward with this”.
In that next week, Emily sends Kath the following message:
“Hey, I appreciate this message might be uncomfortable but we need to discuss the fact that Jake can’t come here while you’re at home because I know that him and Tom have spoken about this but we’ve never addressed it with each other and I think it’s unfair that they’ve been largely absorbing this conflict this whole time. Can you please tell me what the exact problem would be and how we could make it work? At the end of the day we both pay equal rent here and I should be allowed to bring someone over, especially considering that Tom comes here whenever you want. We’re nothing more than just 2 housemates now and if you were living with a stranger from Spareroom such restrictions couldn’t have existed. I think I’ve let it slide and should have addressed it earlier, but it’s time we come up with a fair solution and I’d like to know if there’s anything reasonable we can do. I don’t want to go into other conversations about our fallout cause that’s done and dusted now, I want to strictly address this issue. Would you like some notice before he comes? I can’t always guarantee how far in advance I can let you know but I will do my best to give you enough time.”
Kath’s response:
“hey, I do not really appreciate this conversation being brought up 2 days before my birthday and I wish we can settle it today and not drag it on. And I do not appreciate you using Tom as a weapon to guilt trip me either. Please let me know if he is coming over tonight so that I can go somewhere else. As u probably already know I am in a really bad place at the moment and being in the apartment with both of you makes me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe. I’m already struggling to be there and I have been discussing with the agency about terminating the contract early, the terms have only been made clear to me today so I was going to message you about it. By paying a fee of £660 (£330 each) we can terminate the contract 12th of June and I wish u will consider this. I will be gone from the apartment for 2 weeks. I would really appreciate it if you do not bring him over in the next few days as I said it will be my birthday and I will be gone for 2 weeks after if you decide to do so after this, please let me know at least 2 days in advance so that I can leave (pack clothes and everything), but do not take advantage of this as it is extremely difficult for me to commute to work – it takes me 2 hours on the bus”
Emily’s response to this:
“I don’t appreciate you using your birthday as a “weapon” to paint me as an inconsiderate person once again as you’re saying you were going to message me anyway about terminating the contract. You always have Tom round without any notice, without ever considering if it was ever uncomfortable for me given what’s happened - but now you expect me to organise our schedule around you? We can’t ever do something spontaneous or simply make plans the day before? Jake won’t be coming tonight or in the next few days until you’re away. I was hoping we could talk about why exactly this makes you uncomfortable and unsafe as it’s quite clear we wouldn’t interact with you or do anything to purposely upset/annoy you. You also had no problem being in his apartment with him without Tom there, so clearly his presence must not be that big of a problem. I am going to get back to you about terminating the contract as I have to figure out where I would go, but I’d love nothing more than to leave this apartment as early as possible too.”
There was no response after Emily’s second message.
Tom comes back to our apartment the next day and ignores me all day until the evening when he asks “Did you know that Emily was going to send those messages?”.
I say “Yes, obviously?”. He responds with “Right, okay” and starts walking back towards his room.
I ask him what was wrong with the messages, and he comes back and says “what the fuck is Emily doing sending messages like that to my suicidal girlfriend?”. He essentially thought the tone of the messages, the proximity to Kath’s birthday and the fact that we’re once again bringing up this issue of me coming round was out of order. He also said that Emily’s 2nd message was implying that she was just going to bring me round without any notice anyway (looking at the message, no it wasn’t? It was just highlighting the unfairness of Kath expecting us to organise our schedule around her? None of the messages say that I’m going to come over, they are essentially just trying to understand exactly why it makes Kath uncomfortable).
We also did note that it was Kath’s birthday on the Friday (messages were sent on Tuesday). Maybe that wasn’t ideal, but we thought what real difference does it make? This is nothing new, it’s the same situation that’s been ongoing for the last 3 months anyway (and personally, I thought that up until the moment Kath says “okay sorry, I shouldn’t have imposed rules on you” then she shouldn’t expect that this won’t be brought up to her?).
I was a bit shocked at how angry he was and explained that we’re just trying to understand exactly what her issue is, because it still doesn’t make any sense to us. I bring up the general point about Kath imposing rules on people and expects everyone to cater to her feelings, whilst zero consideration has been given to how Emily has felt over the last 3 months, when not only does it make her uncomfortable as well that there are two “hostile presences” in her home, but especially given that those hostile presences have told her she’s not allowed to have equal use of her apartment she also pays rent for.
Tom responds with “but it’s not making Emily feel suicidal is it? Kath was having convulsions on the fucking bed last night after those messages. Why do you keep focusing on this tiny issue of coming to the apartment when my girlfriend is literally suicidal? She’s already said she’d make arrangements to leave the apartment for when you want to come over, and yet you keep pressing the issue and triggering her further”.
In that moment I was a bit taken aback and didn’t have much of a response. I kind of just sat and processed that for a few minutes, thinking “fuck, have I actually been in the wrong this whole time?”. Tom looked exhausted and stressed out, he must have been dealing with Kath’s meltdown the whole of the night before.
I say to Tom “tell Kath not to worry about me coming over while she’s there, I’m not going to, I’ll just leave it for good and won’t press this issue anymore”. Tom doesn’t give much of a response, but I think he says “I appreciate it”. He leaves for his two-week holiday shortly after.
I felt really bad that evening, thinking I had caused Tom to have to deal with whatever horrible meltdown because of me pressing this issue. Maybe I had been overly cynical of Kath, and she genuinely was just trying her best and not meaning to be manipulative.
When Tom got back from his holiday, he basically confirmed our friendship is over because I had known about those messages that caused his girlfriend to feel suicidal.
I’ve thought about the situation a lot since he left for his holiday:
· Looking back at the messages Emily sent, I think the tone is completely fine? Every single person I’ve shown the messages to has said they are actually quite kind and empathetic, and way nicer than they need to be given Kath’s behavior over the last 3 months.
· Tom’s reaction was essentially “how dare Emily have the audacity to ask for a reason why she hasn’t been allowed to have equal use of her own apartment for the last 3 months!”
· It’s true that Tom had mentioned that Kath had been having some suicidal thoughts a month prior, but I didn’t know that this would directly impact that, especially since I thought the message was quite nice and sensitive. Just the weekend before this Tom and Kath were out clubbing, having fun and they were going on holiday later that week. So obviously I didn’t realise she was still feeling so bad. How could anyone expect that simply asking the question of “why does this make you so uncomfortable” would result in this reaction.
· As soon as I did realise how intensely Kath had reacted, and what Tom had had to deal with as a result, I backed off straight away, saying that she doesn’t have to worry, I’m not going to press it anymore.
· Realistically, if this is how Kath reacts to being asked for basic fairness, then I think really she needs to be in a mental health crisis center or hospital, not just carrying on with everyday life as if everything is fine, and certainly not in a situation where she’s imposing rules on people.
· At the end of the day, Kath’s mental health is not my responsibility, nor is it Tom’s responsibility. I think it’s unfair of Kath to have made it his problem to such a large degree.
Logically, I don’t think I’m in the wrong, and yet Tom’s reaction to this makes me feel like I’m going crazy. That’s why I wrote out everything’s that’s happened from start to finish to “audit” myself and evaluate each of my actions throughout the entire situation.
I’ve looked back and don’t think I’m in the wrong for anything I’ve done. The only explanation I can think of is that Tom has been so deep in all of Kath’s mental health stuff 24/7 that he’s just not thinking clearly about this situation.
submitted by Tight_Philosophy8244 to amiwrong [link] [comments]
Jake – me
Tom – my flatmate
Kath – Tom’s girlfriend
Emily – Kath’s flatmate
TLDR (but context is very important for how the situation develops):
· Me and Emily get with each other at a party.
· It turns out Kath had forbidden Emily from getting with me. Since Emily went and did it anyway, Kath falls out with her.
· Kath ends her friendship with Emily. Me and Emily continue seeing each other.
· When I plan to go to see Emily at their apartment, Tom tells me that Kath is in a really dark place mentally, and the thought of me and Emily being there together while Kath’s there is triggering her anxiety, so he asks me not to go over.
· Me and Emily follow these instructions for months, all whilst Tom and Kath continue coming and going to either of our apartments as they please.
· Emily eventually gets in touch with Kath to try and understand exactly why me coming over is an issue, since Kath has no problem coming to my place. Kath has a meltdown due to this and it makes her suicidal.
· Tom falls out with me because I knew about the messages that caused his girlfriend to feel suicidal.
(Skip to 'Late April' if you want to go straight to the crux of this post, but I do think it's quite an entertaining read).
Background Context
Me and Tom (both mid-twenties) have lived together in our apartment since I moved to the city last year. I’ve known him for several years and would put him in my inner circle of closest friends, so living with him was all just good chill vibes as expected - or at least it was for the first six months.
I met Tom’s girlfriend of several months, Kath, for the first time pretty soon after moving in. Although she was kind of shy, I thought she seemed nice enough. I noticed that Kath would seem to lean on Tom a fair amount when it came to support for her mental health (she had been diagnosed with anxiety), which of course is normal as her boyfriend. On one occasion, she had a particularly bad anxious episode during a group hangout, with Tom consoling her about it afterwards. Following this, Tom seemed exhausted, saying to me “I’m not a professional, I’m not equipped to deal with all this mental health stuff. She needs help from someone who can adequately help her deal with these thoughts. When she blows things out of proportion and she stresses out to me about her anxiety, it just ends up making my own anxiety worse”. He also said that he had even offered to pay for therapy for Kath, but she didn’t want to accept it.
I just felt bad for Tom, especially since I had some understanding of what he was going through. I had previously had a girlfriend who had anxiety/depression/BPD and put all her mental health issues on me. That girlfriend was also very manipulative and would mention suicidal thoughts any time she started feeling like she was losing control over me (just to be clear, there was no indication that Kath was acting in a manipulative way towards Tom at that point). In my experience, when you end up in a situation where you’re essentially acting as someone’s full-time personal mental health counsellor, it hardly ever ends well.
At some point in January, I met Kath’s “bestie” flatmate, Emily. I remember thinking she was cute, seemed nice and easy to talk to. We all hung out as a group a few times that month and I thought there may have been a little bit of a vibe between me and Emily.
So as you do, I slid into Emily’s DMs and basically let her know I was interested. I messaged her a week or two before our party that her and Kath were coming to, but her response was lukewarm so I just thought she probably wasn’t interested.
For context, I had recently broken up with my girlfriend in January, who had just got back from travelling for the last 6 months. Things in that relationship weren’t great before she even went travelling, and during the months she was away I had come to terms with the fact that it was best to end it. I waited until she was back to say it in person, as I didn’t want to drop that on her while she was travelling and ruin that once in a lifetime experience. However, deep down I knew I had wanted talk to other girls and explore new connections for the last few months, but obviously I didn’t want talk to anyone until it was cleanly over. Me messaging Emily was only a few days after breaking up with her, which I guess isn’t great, but in my head I had been ready to move on for a while, I saw no point in putting an arbitrary time limit on myself. I made sure to explain this context when I messaged Emily so that she was aware of my recent circumstances.
The Party (End of January)
So me and Emily end up getting with each other at the party. Initially, when I brought up me messaging her, she said “I think you’re cute, but I think it’s best we just be friends for the next couple months, since you just recently got out of a relationship, and we can see what happens afterwards”. But as the night went on, I guess Emily changed her mind, because as we kept talking it got increasingly flirty and we ended up getting together. Perfect end to the night, right? Not exactly.
At one point when Emily goes to the bathroom, she comes back into my bedroom saying “Kath is furious at me”. I ask why, and she says that Kath had basically forbidden her from getting with me.
Back when I first messaged Emily, she had of course shown Kath the messages straight away. It turns out Kath for some reason had a really intense reaction to this and was like “I can’t believe he has the audacity to hit on my best friend right after breaking up with his girlfriend! It’s so disrespectful using you as a rebound, it’s disrespectful to his ex and it’s disrespectful to me for hitting on my best friend like this! He was the only one of Tom’s friends that I actually liked but he’s ruined that too now!”.
Apparently, Kath had been used as a rebound before and this was triggering for her, so she didn’t want her best friend to be used as a rebound. She said “you can’t get with him, Emily, that’s my boundary.” Emily was a bit taken aback by the intensity of this reaction and was just a bit like “umm okay…?”. She tried a few times before the party to understand a bit more about why Kath had such a problem with it but didn’t get much further explanation than that.
Now, I agree that Emily was in the wrong for saying to Kath that she wouldn’t get with me and then went and did it anyway, and Emily also acknowledges this. Emily should have said from the start she wasn’t okay with this weird “boundary” Kath had set. It was a bit cowardly. Although given how intensely Kath overreacts to things, I can understand why Emily initially just agreed to whatever she was saying to calm her down. I can also understand how when you’re at a party having fun, drinking and realise that you do actually have a good vibe with the person, in the moment you might change your mind and be like “actually fuck that, who the fuck is she to tell me who I can and can’t get with?”.
Kath saw this as Emily having no respect for their friendship, by choosing some guy she’d just met over her. From Emily’s perspective she was choosing herself, choosing not to follow these nonsensical rules that had been imposed on her, and she was just tired of Kath overreacting to everything and trying to control her.
In my opinion, being this controlling for no good reason is pretty disrespectful in itself. Given that Kath’s reason for telling Emily not to get with me was because she didn’t want her to be used as a rebound…well that’s Emily’s risk to take, isn’t it? I can see how from Emily’s perspective, she knew Kath might not be happy about it, but it’s also not some deep betrayal, since based on the reason Kath gave, the consequence would only be on Emily herself. Emily had the exact same knowledge about my recent relationship status as Kath did, so why did Kath think she can tell her what to do?
As we get to further into this post and the real reason why Kath set this “boundary” is revealed, you will see why I actually think any argument Kath has against Emily for getting with me at the party is automatically void, but we will learn these details as they come.
Start of February
After the events of the party, Kath didn’t want to talk to Emily the next day when she tried to initiate communication via message (Kath tends to avoid in-person confrontation). Fair enough, Emily gave her space. Me and Emily spend the next day together just talking and getting to know each other more, and it’s clear that we vibe together and both feel very comfortable with each other, which is pretty rare for both of us.
I don’t see Tom for the first few days after the party, as he had been staying at Kath’s. When I do, I’m a bit surprised that he didn’t think much of Kath’s reaction at the party. He says “yeah I probably should have warned you about this beforehand”. We both agree that Emily was in the wrong for going back on what she said, but also that Kath shouldn’t have tried to control her like that. He did say “sorry I know this put you in an awkward position”.
A few days after the party, Emily again tries to get in touch with Kath via message.
Emily’s message essentially apologised for her actions, saying she was in the wrong for going back on what she said, and that she should have said from the start that she wasn’t happy with this “boundary”. She also said that Kath shouldn’t have tried to dictate her life and tell her what to do, especially when it’s something that’s none of her business, and that she is going to continue seeing me, taking the risk of being a “rebound”.
Kath’s response essentially said the whole incident at the party was only a small part of why she exploded so intensely, this was just the last in a long line of things Emily had done in the past which she had not forgiven her for. This was just the last straw for Kath because “it hit so close to home, so close to the love of my life”. She wanted things to be civil between them until the end of their tenancy, but this was essentially the end of their friendship.
Okay good, Kath flipping out so badly now finally made a bit more sense to me. Obviously, I wanted to know what Emily had done that was so bad to cause this, as any indicators of bad character would inform whether I choose to keep talking to her.
Emily went through these, explaining that these were incidents from their past that they had discussed at the time, dealt with and moved on from. I have cut these out for the word limit as they don’t add much to this post, but it was the most minor, nonsensical things (I can explain in the comments if anyone wants details).
In any case, I wasn’t particularly interested in what mistakes Emily might have made months or years ago, I was more interested in what her character was like now and going forward.
Early/Mid February
So here’s where the main situation we’re in now starts. For context, Kath and Emily’s apartment is in the city center, close to where both mine and Tom’s offices are, so it would make sense to go over in the evening and go into work from theirs the next morning, as Tom has been doing once or twice a week for the last few months.
It's worth noting that ever since the party right up to the present moment, Emily and Kath have not been interacting at all, avoiding each other in their apartment, only messaging for things like bill payments.
The first time I planned to go stay round Emily’s place was early/mid-February. When I mention this to Tom, he tells me that Kath has been having a really bad time mentally since the party, and the thought of me and Emily being there together triggers her anxiety. He asks me not to go over to their apartment for the next couple of weeks or so while she’s in this particularly bad phase. I don’t really understand what me going over and seeing Emily has to do with Kath’s anxiety (and Tom says he doesn't really understand it either himself), but I say okay fine it’s not that big of deal, I won’t go over for the time being.
Now, a valid question for myself is why I decided to keep seeing Emily, despite knowing that Kath had fallen out with her and therefore knowing it could potentially cause fiction between me and Tom. I don’t think I did anything wrong for several reasons:
· I suppose there’s the general visceral reaction against being told what to do. Like mind your own business, it’s not my fault Kath decided to get involved in my business. Why should she get what she wants when she’s the one being unreasonable? Why should we deny ourselves the opportunity of getting to know someone we seem to vibe with just because Tom’s girlfriend doesn’t like it?
· Before I even knew there was any issue at all, it was already too late; I had already gotten with Emily, they had already fallen out, and Kath already thought I was a dickhead. So what good would it do now to not see each other? Kath already didn’t like me (and she had also previously told me that once she doesn’t like someone, there’s no going back, they’re finished in her mind).
· In the initial first few days after the party, both me and Tom were kind of expecting that Kath’s reaction would blow over in a few days after she had cooled down. How could I have predicted that her reaction would instead continue getting increasingly intense as the situation went on?
· Frankly, I was annoyed at Tom at this point. He knew how Kath had reacted to me messaging Emily, so why did he just bend over and enable his girlfriends’ controlling, unreasonable behavior without question? If it was my girlfriend acting like this generally, I’d be like “why are you getting involved in their business, just let them do what they want?”, and especially so if it was directly affecting one of my close friends.
· Fundamentally, there’s no inherent reason why there had to be any issue at all? Okay Kath has ended her friendship with Emily and might not like that we’re seeing each other, but there’s no need for there to be any continued drama. Obviously we won’t all be hanging out as a four having fun like I had initially hoped, but that doesn’t mean we can’t just exist as adults and be civil? The only reason this continues to be an issue in the first place is because Kath is making it an issue for everyone else involved.
· Finally, I actually like Emily – from the first few days it was clear it wasn’t just going to be a FWB situation. If it felt like more of a superficial FWB situation, then yeah I probably would have just thought it’s not worth the drama, even though I thought Kath was the one in the wrong.
Late February
Over the month of February, me and Emily keep hanging out and getting closer. Whilst I was keeping a very close eye on her for any sign of character flaws (it was still possible that Kath could be in the right, even though her side of it didn’t make much sense to me), the more I got to know her, the more it seemed my initial judgment of her was accurate. I saw how she acted with her other friends, they all seemed to really value and appreciate her. I saw her helping out her friend in need of a fairly large amount of money without a second thought, I saw her going to accompany her friend for a medical scan they had, and generally she was really nice and thoughtful with me. Not exactly the behavior of an inconsiderate person.
Sometime in late February, Emily messages me completely baffled. She couldn’t believe that Kath had invited over a girl from their social circle, Dianne. The reason why this is a bit scandalous is because Kath is always talking shit about Dianne behind her back. And it’s not just “she can be a bit annoying sometimes”, it’s an explicit sentiment of how much she dislikes her, how much of a bad person she is and how much she wants her removed from her life. And she does this frequently, I barely speak to Kath and even I’ve heard her rant about how much she doesn’t like Dianne. So, she’s constantly saying this kind of stuff behind her back, and here she is now inviting her round for tea acting all friendly. I just found that so two-faced and this inevitably shaped my perception of Kath being deceptive.
Not long after I heard about this, Kath was round our place over the weekend. Me, Tom and Kath were heading off to our friend’s housewarming party later that day, with me driving us. At one point when the three of us are all in the kitchen, Kath speaks to me properly for the first time since the party, basically to clear the air. She says she doesn’t want there to be any bad blood between us and that her problem wasn’t with me, it was with Emily. I just say that I was cool with her, I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable with me or when coming over to our apartment, and that the situation between her and Emily was between them and not my business.
I wasn’t entirely convinced with her “clearing the air”, given that I had seen she apparently has no issue with being two-faced, but at the time I thought it was best to stay cool with her for the sake of me and Tom’s friendship and also I didn’t particularly fancy spending the rest of the day and a long car ride with awkward vibes.
End of February
At the end of February, Tom asks me how things are going with Emily and basically advises caution with her. He says that from what he’s seen she’s basically not a good person and she’s generally inconsiderate. I tell him I find that surprising from what I’ve seen of Emily, but I know it’s possible she could have just been putting on a front for the last month. I openly accept this, saying “I want to hear what you have to say, obviously you’re my friend and I respect your opinion”.
Essentially, he doesn’t bring up anything that I hadn’t already been told.
When I question Tom on why Kath thought she was a mind reader and assuming what my intentions were with Emily at the very start of this whole thing, Tom reveals he had since found out that the real reason Kath had forbidden Emily from getting with me in the first place actually wasn’t really to do with me recently breaking up with my girlfriend/using Emily as a rebound (Tom said this was a minor part of the reason, more of an excuse to base it on). It was more that Kath already knew beforehand that she wanted to end her friendship with Emily and was essentially trying to prevent her still being part of her life (i.e. by getting close to her boyfriend’s friend/flatmate).
Now it all made sense why Kath tried to “ban” her from getting with me in the first place. I’m not sure if Tom thought telling me this would make me more sympathetic to Kath’s side of it, but if anything, this deceptive behavior was even more of a red flag to me. As far as everyone (except for Kath) was concerned, her and Emily were best friends. Kath had even said to Emily a couple of weeks before the party that “she was like a sister to her”.
Tom didn’t seem to have much issue with this, saying something along the lines of “yeah I know she shouldn’t have kept all this stuff bottled up, but she doesn’t like confrontation, it makes her really anxious”.
After learning this, I think any argument for Emily being in the wrong for disobeying Kath’s instructions at the party is automatically void: Imagine having the audacity to be like “yeah I know I tried to control you by framing it as me being a protective friend looking out for you, but actually it was really because I wanted to end my friendship with you anyway teehee 😊”. In my view that is just so manipulative. No wonder the reason given to Emily for not getting with me made no sense to her.
When I revealed this to Emily, she said that she had been suspecting that was the case anyway, but it still really hurt to hear it confirmed.
Form her perspective it was like: “So was Kath holding all these grudges all the times I was consoling her for whatever mental health issue she was having at any given time?” (I wonder if Tom was thinking what a bad person Emily was when it was him and Emily staying up till stupid o’clock trying to console Kath who was crying about job applications a few weeks before all this kicked off). There are many other examples of things she had done for Kath in both the recent and more distant past.
Kath also knew that Emily’s best friend had killed herself a few years prior, and after going through the loss of her best friend, Emily had always said she was super hesitant to call anyone her “best friend”. Kath knew about this and still let Emily believe they were best friends, whilst she clearly didn’t really mean it, which I think is quite cruel of her.
Despite what I had seen of Emily so far, I still took what Tom said into account, and continued to watch her carefully.
Mid March
Another couple of weeks pass and given that my last interaction with Kath was her clearing the air with me, I thought everything was now cool between us. I mention to Tom at the start of the week that I’m planning to stay at their apartment later that week and he says “okay cool”. However, later that same evening, he once again asks me not to go over to their apartment. Apparently when he told Kath that I was going over, she started having a panic attack at the thought of me going there.
At this point I’m really started to get frustrated at this situation and again I try to understand exactly what the problem is, because this entire time Kath and Tom have been coming and going to either apartment as they please, so Kath clearly doesn’t have a problem coming to my apartment while I’m there. Tom again says that he doesn’t fully understand it himself, and that Kath doesn’t want to feel this way either, but she’s in a really bad place at the moment and me being there with Emily is really triggering her anxiety.
This makes no sense to me or Emily, because we obviously wouldn’t do anything to make Kath uncomfortable, and from our perspective this is just enabling her dysfunctional way of dealing with this situation.
Even though I still don’t understand what the fuck me seeing Emily has got to do with Kath’s mental health, I’m obviously not going to barge my way into someone’s home when I’m not welcome. So once again, I do as I’m told and say I won’t go over. But I do tell Tom that this situation isn’t going to continue going on like this indefinitely, and to me it feels to me like I’m being walked all over, in the sense of “oh yeah no worries, you two carry on going to either apartment as you please, I’ll just sit here like a dickhead and follow my instructions, don’t worry about it 😊”. He does say sorry and that he knows it’s inconvenient for us, but it's an even bigger inconvenience for Kath.
It’s worth bearing in mind that at this point, I could have responded to this situation by saying that if I’m not welcome at her apartment, Kath is not welcome here (or equally Emily could say to Kath “you can’t bring Tom round”). Whilst yes, it’s a bit petty, I think this would be a completely justified response to prevent a situation where we are being walked all over. Because what would be the alternative? They just carry on doing as they please indefinitely whilst Emily is told she isn’t allowed to have equal use of her own apartment? Now obviously telling your friend that his girlfriend isn’t allowed to come over is really a last resort and would definitely put a big dent in our friendship, and generally I have no desire to control what anyone else does, so of course I didn’t respond in this way.
Despite my frustration at this entire situation, I do feel bad for Tom because I can see how uncomfortable he seems during these conversations with me, he obviously doesn’t want to give me these unreasonable instructions. I can only assume he’s just trying to do whatever he can to keep his girlfriend afloat and prevent her next meltdown. I’ve been there myself dealing with a girlfriend with mental health issues, so I don’t want to actively make things worse for my friend either. However, I’m also worried that it’s likely to get worse for him the more he feeds into it and gets sucked into it.
At this point, the cynical side of me couldn’t help but wonder if Kath was being a bit manipulative and leaning into all the mental health stuff to maintain control of the situation.
· She seemingly is unable to give a reason for exactly why me and Emily being in her apartment makes her so uncomfortable. To me, this was completely indistinguishable from her just hating the fact that we’re together.
· All this reminds me of exactly the same kind of manipulative behavior I saw with that ex-girlfriend.
· She’s shown she has no problem with being intentionally deceptive – maybe if the entire basis of this situation hadn’t started off with Kath being manipulative she would have a bit more credibility in my eyes.
I know this kind of behavior is often not even intentional, and that it can be subconscious where the person doesn’t even realise they’re being manipulative.
(Still Mid March)
Now we get to the part that pisses me off the most in this whole situation. Only a few days after that conversation with Tom, for some reason Kath comes to stay in our apartment for the weekend while Tom was away at a house party. As in, it’s just me and Kath in my apartment.
Personally, I couldn’t imagine having the nerve to say to someone they aren’t welcome in my home because their presence triggers me, and then only a mere few days later actively choosing to go stay the weekend at their place while it’s just us two in the apartment. Like either my presence triggers you or it doesn’t?
Now to be fair, Tom had asked me a week or two beforehand if Kath could come to our apartment to hang out with someone from our friend group while he was away, and I said that was cool. Anyway, those plans fell through, but Kath still came over by herself.
But the main thing that pissed me off about this is that Tom, after knowing that I was already feeling like I was being taken for a mug in this situation, apparently didn’t even think it was worth bothering to check with me if it was still cool with me that Kath came round, given our conversation a few days prior.
If he’d at least checked in like, “I know it’s a bit weird that she’s coming to stay round by herself after having just said that your presence triggers her anxiety”, I still would’ve said okay, because I have no desire to control what anyone does. But it was just the fact he didn’t seem to care, saying “btw Kath is gonna stay here tonight” moments before leaving to his party.
To me it felt like he had spent the last month or so basically giving me instructions to make sure everyone caters to his girlfriend’s feelings, and yet didn’t give the slightest consideration to how this would make me feel. Part of me was thinking does he even see me as a friend or just as an inconvenience to his relationship at this point?
I spoke to Tom in the week following this, expressing how I had felt about Kath staying round. He did apologise and acknowledged he could’ve checked in with me, but he didn’t really seem to understand why her coming over like that was such a kick in the teeth for me. He said Kath doesn’t have a problem with me, it’s only a very specific situation that triggers her (i.e. me and Emily being in her apartment together).
Again I try to understand exactly why it’s a problem. Ever since the party, Emily’s presence in their apartment has consisted of her quietly staying in her room, quickly cooking her food and going straight back to her room. She doesn’t spend 2 hours in the kitchen making food like Kath and Tom sometimes do when he’s there.
Tom again says he doesn’t fully understand it himself. From what he understands, it’s triggering because her home is her safe space and if we’re both there it’s like there’s two hostile presences in that safe space. He reiterated that she is in a very dark place at the moment, and that she’s been having frequent panic attacks and suicidal thoughts.
Tom then says that Kath would be prepared to leave the apartment if me and Emily wanted to meet there, and Kath would basically get out of the way and come to me and Tom’s apartment instead. This did give me a bit more confidence that Kath wasn’t just purposefully making things difficult.
If Kath genuinely meant this, then of course that’s really appreciated, but I’m obviously not going to make her leave her own home and come all the way to ours to then have a 2 hour commute to her work. It’s so over the top and needless. I think that this clearly isn’t a functional solution going forward. What if one day when we want to meet up, Kath has had a long day at work and doesn’t feel like leaving her apartment (obviously, fair enough!), what if she’s got plans with friends in her apartment that evening? In any case, it’s still a situation where rules are being imposed on us, I can never just spontaneously decide to go see Emily one day after work or something. We still can’t come and go freely in the same way they have been doing for the past two months. It would be much better to understand why exactly it’s such a problem and see how we’re going to find a long-term solution, instead of Kath just running away from it.
The cynical side of me was wondering if Kath was just saying this knowing that neither me or Emily are realistically going to make her leave her own home, and if we do agree to it, then she can say “oh look how inconsiderate they are, making me leave my own home just so that they can be in the apartment”, ensuring that she keeps Tom firmly on her side.
Logically, I would’ve thought as time goes on, Kath would eventually get used to the situation and just accept it. Conversely, is it not quite understandable that the longer we have rules imposed on us, the more frustrated we become?
Once again say that I won’t go over and tell him that I won’t press this issue for the time being.
Late April
So now we get to the latest development in the situation, which is the crux of this post.
For the next month or so after that conversation with Tom, me and Emily have just been following our instructions and not pressed anything, whilst they continue coming and going as they please. One weekend we’re talking about the whole ‘Kath situation’ and we say “okay we’ve left it for a while now, it’s probably time to see how we’re going to move forward with this”.
In that next week, Emily sends Kath the following message:
“Hey, I appreciate this message might be uncomfortable but we need to discuss the fact that Jake can’t come here while you’re at home because I know that him and Tom have spoken about this but we’ve never addressed it with each other and I think it’s unfair that they’ve been largely absorbing this conflict this whole time. Can you please tell me what the exact problem would be and how we could make it work? At the end of the day we both pay equal rent here and I should be allowed to bring someone over, especially considering that Tom comes here whenever you want. We’re nothing more than just 2 housemates now and if you were living with a stranger from Spareroom such restrictions couldn’t have existed. I think I’ve let it slide and should have addressed it earlier, but it’s time we come up with a fair solution and I’d like to know if there’s anything reasonable we can do. I don’t want to go into other conversations about our fallout cause that’s done and dusted now, I want to strictly address this issue. Would you like some notice before he comes? I can’t always guarantee how far in advance I can let you know but I will do my best to give you enough time.”
Kath’s response:
“hey, I do not really appreciate this conversation being brought up 2 days before my birthday and I wish we can settle it today and not drag it on. And I do not appreciate you using Tom as a weapon to guilt trip me either. Please let me know if he is coming over tonight so that I can go somewhere else. As u probably already know I am in a really bad place at the moment and being in the apartment with both of you makes me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe. I’m already struggling to be there and I have been discussing with the agency about terminating the contract early, the terms have only been made clear to me today so I was going to message you about it. By paying a fee of £660 (£330 each) we can terminate the contract 12th of June and I wish u will consider this. I will be gone from the apartment for 2 weeks. I would really appreciate it if you do not bring him over in the next few days as I said it will be my birthday and I will be gone for 2 weeks after if you decide to do so after this, please let me know at least 2 days in advance so that I can leave (pack clothes and everything), but do not take advantage of this as it is extremely difficult for me to commute to work – it takes me 2 hours on the bus”
Emily’s response to this:
“I don’t appreciate you using your birthday as a “weapon” to paint me as an inconsiderate person once again as you’re saying you were going to message me anyway about terminating the contract. You always have Tom round without any notice, without ever considering if it was ever uncomfortable for me given what’s happened - but now you expect me to organise our schedule around you? We can’t ever do something spontaneous or simply make plans the day before? Jake won’t be coming tonight or in the next few days until you’re away. I was hoping we could talk about why exactly this makes you uncomfortable and unsafe as it’s quite clear we wouldn’t interact with you or do anything to purposely upset/annoy you. You also had no problem being in his apartment with him without Tom there, so clearly his presence must not be that big of a problem. I am going to get back to you about terminating the contract as I have to figure out where I would go, but I’d love nothing more than to leave this apartment as early as possible too.”
There was no response after Emily’s second message.
Tom comes back to our apartment the next day and ignores me all day until the evening when he asks “Did you know that Emily was going to send those messages?”.
I say “Yes, obviously?”. He responds with “Right, okay” and starts walking back towards his room.
I ask him what was wrong with the messages, and he comes back and says “what the fuck is Emily doing sending messages like that to my suicidal girlfriend?”. He essentially thought the tone of the messages, the proximity to Kath’s birthday and the fact that we’re once again bringing up this issue of me coming round was out of order. He also said that Emily’s 2nd message was implying that she was just going to bring me round without any notice anyway (looking at the message, no it wasn’t? It was just highlighting the unfairness of Kath expecting us to organise our schedule around her? None of the messages say that I’m going to come over, they are essentially just trying to understand exactly why it makes Kath uncomfortable).
We also did note that it was Kath’s birthday on the Friday (messages were sent on Tuesday). Maybe that wasn’t ideal, but we thought what real difference does it make? This is nothing new, it’s the same situation that’s been ongoing for the last 3 months anyway (and personally, I thought that up until the moment Kath says “okay sorry, I shouldn’t have imposed rules on you” then she shouldn’t expect that this won’t be brought up to her?).
I was a bit shocked at how angry he was and explained that we’re just trying to understand exactly what her issue is, because it still doesn’t make any sense to us. I bring up the general point about Kath imposing rules on people and expects everyone to cater to her feelings, whilst zero consideration has been given to how Emily has felt over the last 3 months, when not only does it make her uncomfortable as well that there are two “hostile presences” in her home, but especially given that those hostile presences have told her she’s not allowed to have equal use of her apartment she also pays rent for.
Tom responds with “but it’s not making Emily feel suicidal is it? Kath was having convulsions on the fucking bed last night after those messages. Why do you keep focusing on this tiny issue of coming to the apartment when my girlfriend is literally suicidal? She’s already said she’d make arrangements to leave the apartment for when you want to come over, and yet you keep pressing the issue and triggering her further”.
In that moment I was a bit taken aback and didn’t have much of a response. I kind of just sat and processed that for a few minutes, thinking “fuck, have I actually been in the wrong this whole time?”. Tom looked exhausted and stressed out, he must have been dealing with Kath’s meltdown the whole of the night before.
I say to Tom “tell Kath not to worry about me coming over while she’s there, I’m not going to, I’ll just leave it for good and won’t press this issue anymore”. Tom doesn’t give much of a response, but I think he says “I appreciate it”. He leaves for his two-week holiday shortly after.
I felt really bad that evening, thinking I had caused Tom to have to deal with whatever horrible meltdown because of me pressing this issue. Maybe I had been overly cynical of Kath, and she genuinely was just trying her best and not meaning to be manipulative.
When Tom got back from his holiday, he basically confirmed our friendship is over because I had known about those messages that caused his girlfriend to feel suicidal.
I’ve thought about the situation a lot since he left for his holiday:
· Looking back at the messages Emily sent, I think the tone is completely fine? Every single person I’ve shown the messages to has said they are actually quite kind and empathetic, and way nicer than they need to be given Kath’s behavior over the last 3 months.
· Tom’s reaction was essentially “how dare Emily have the audacity to ask for a reason why she hasn’t been allowed to have equal use of her own apartment for the last 3 months!”
· It’s true that Tom had mentioned that Kath had been having some suicidal thoughts a month prior, but I didn’t know that this would directly impact that, especially since I thought the message was quite nice and sensitive. Just the weekend before this Tom and Kath were out clubbing, having fun and they were going on holiday later that week. So obviously I didn’t realise she was still feeling so bad. How could anyone expect that simply asking the question of “why does this make you so uncomfortable” would result in this reaction.
· As soon as I did realise how intensely Kath had reacted, and what Tom had had to deal with as a result, I backed off straight away, saying that she doesn’t have to worry, I’m not going to press it anymore.
· Realistically, if this is how Kath reacts to being asked for basic fairness, then I think really she needs to be in a mental health crisis center or hospital, not just carrying on with everyday life as if everything is fine, and certainly not in a situation where she’s imposing rules on people.
· At the end of the day, Kath’s mental health is not my responsibility, nor is it Tom’s responsibility. I think it’s unfair of Kath to have made it his problem to such a large degree.
Logically, I don’t think I’m in the wrong, and yet Tom’s reaction to this makes me feel like I’m going crazy. That’s why I wrote out everything’s that’s happened from start to finish to “audit” myself and evaluate each of my actions throughout the entire situation.
I’ve looked back and don’t think I’m in the wrong for anything I’ve done. The only explanation I can think of is that Tom has been so deep in all of Kath’s mental health stuff 24/7 that he’s just not thinking clearly about this situation.
2024.05.16 19:44 Natural_Thought_6532 Am I doing enough?
Hello Fire Community -
Looking to get some feedback on my current financial situation.
32YO - earning 180-200k TC the last 3 years,
Married - 1 kid wife earns 150k + RSU but I do not include her portion on any of the numbers
Assets
Cash - 60k in HYSA (4.5% INT) Home Equity - 60k Total Short Term Investments (Brokerage) - 10k Total Long Term Investments (401k, IRA, Pension, T-Bills) - 200k
Total: 330k Assets
Debt
Car Loan - 8k
Monthly I roughly burn 5.5-6k M/O between fixed and variable expenses
Fixed - Car Loan - 240mo Car Insurance - 150mo Mortgage + Insurance - 2k mo Utility/Phone - 350 mo Subscriptions - 300 mo Childcare - 800 mo
Total Fixed: 3840 mo
Variable Grocery, Food, Going Out etc…. The rest
On average I put away about 3-3.2k mo between 401k, Cash LT and ST investments
Allocated 1.7k LT 300 ST (this is more recent) Remainder Cash
I feel like I’m overspending on variable expenditure. I mean I generally go out to eat with my wife 1-2x a week.
Vacation/Travel - 1-3 times a year, which is why I have a high allocation to cash + emergency fund
Generally want to keep cash floating at 60k so I have cushion of a oh shit moment, layoff etc…
I would like to put away another 1k mo
Am I going nuts?
I feel like I over stress and overspend but wanted to get this community’s thoughts to see if I am going crazy on how I’m thinking about this.
submitted by Natural_Thought_6532 to Fire [link] [comments]
Looking to get some feedback on my current financial situation.
32YO - earning 180-200k TC the last 3 years,
Married - 1 kid wife earns 150k + RSU but I do not include her portion on any of the numbers
Assets
Cash - 60k in HYSA (4.5% INT) Home Equity - 60k Total Short Term Investments (Brokerage) - 10k Total Long Term Investments (401k, IRA, Pension, T-Bills) - 200k
Total: 330k Assets
Debt
Car Loan - 8k
Monthly I roughly burn 5.5-6k M/O between fixed and variable expenses
Fixed - Car Loan - 240mo Car Insurance - 150mo Mortgage + Insurance - 2k mo Utility/Phone - 350 mo Subscriptions - 300 mo Childcare - 800 mo
Total Fixed: 3840 mo
Variable Grocery, Food, Going Out etc…. The rest
On average I put away about 3-3.2k mo between 401k, Cash LT and ST investments
Allocated 1.7k LT 300 ST (this is more recent) Remainder Cash
I feel like I’m overspending on variable expenditure. I mean I generally go out to eat with my wife 1-2x a week.
Vacation/Travel - 1-3 times a year, which is why I have a high allocation to cash + emergency fund
Generally want to keep cash floating at 60k so I have cushion of a oh shit moment, layoff etc…
I would like to put away another 1k mo
Am I going nuts?
I feel like I over stress and overspend but wanted to get this community’s thoughts to see if I am going crazy on how I’m thinking about this.
2024.05.16 18:53 aitaiamsotired AITA for yelling at my boyfriend for waking me up when I don't need to be awake?
For background; my boyfriend and I are both 29 and have lived together for three years, and this morning when I yelled at him, he told me to post the situation to reddit.
The whole time we've lived together, he's had this incredibly irritating need to wake me up when *he* wakes up, even when I don't need to be awake yet. He can fall asleep on a dime, but it usually takes me at least an hour to pass out (melatonin gives me the *worst* nightmares, so that's a no go). On top of that, I very frequently wake up a few times in the night.
For the record, every time he sleeps, I let him sleep. It's Saturday and I woke up earlier than him? I just hang out quietly on my phone or go to the living room if I'm gonna be any semblance of "loud." He's taking a nap? Lights are off, I make everyone be quiet and I leave him be, because *sleep is important*.
He has let me nap longer than thirty minutes maybe four or five times. He says that he does this stuff because "normal couples want to spend time together," but it feels like a control thing to me. He is very often out all weekend and some weeknights, which I don't mind at all because friendships are super important, but that shoots down the "quality time" narrative for me.
I have two kids from a previous relationship that are 8 and 6. Both kids have strep throat right now and one has scarlet fever on top of it. I currently also have strep. I have a constant headache, my throat and body hurts, and I am especially tired. Last night, he fell asleep at 12. I fell asleep at 1:30, and got up for the kids at 2:45 and 4. He gets up at six thirty for work, and he woke me up at 7 for zero reason.
Since he pulled this yesterday, waking me up to lock the door for him as he'd left his keys at work (I gave him my spare key the evening before so he could go to the gym, it was on the kitchen counter) I yelled (read: sternly admonished, I can't physically yell right now) at him, asking what on earth he feels the need to wake me up for. Does he feel wronged having to be the only one awake? Why would you not care about the needs of your girlfriend? I don't get it. He gave me the "nOrMaL cOuPlEs" blah blah blah and told me to post it here for judgment.
Just for context, he works 8-5. I'm in college full-time and pursuing a separate certificate on top of that. He does not pay my bills or for anything my kids or I need, so it can't be resentment from that. All the chores that get done were done by me, (he does start his own laundry and wash his own dishes *most of the time*) so it can't be that either.
Pass your judgement upon us, O Reddit.
submitted by aitaiamsotired to dustythunder [link] [comments]
The whole time we've lived together, he's had this incredibly irritating need to wake me up when *he* wakes up, even when I don't need to be awake yet. He can fall asleep on a dime, but it usually takes me at least an hour to pass out (melatonin gives me the *worst* nightmares, so that's a no go). On top of that, I very frequently wake up a few times in the night.
For the record, every time he sleeps, I let him sleep. It's Saturday and I woke up earlier than him? I just hang out quietly on my phone or go to the living room if I'm gonna be any semblance of "loud." He's taking a nap? Lights are off, I make everyone be quiet and I leave him be, because *sleep is important*.
He has let me nap longer than thirty minutes maybe four or five times. He says that he does this stuff because "normal couples want to spend time together," but it feels like a control thing to me. He is very often out all weekend and some weeknights, which I don't mind at all because friendships are super important, but that shoots down the "quality time" narrative for me.
I have two kids from a previous relationship that are 8 and 6. Both kids have strep throat right now and one has scarlet fever on top of it. I currently also have strep. I have a constant headache, my throat and body hurts, and I am especially tired. Last night, he fell asleep at 12. I fell asleep at 1:30, and got up for the kids at 2:45 and 4. He gets up at six thirty for work, and he woke me up at 7 for zero reason.
Since he pulled this yesterday, waking me up to lock the door for him as he'd left his keys at work (I gave him my spare key the evening before so he could go to the gym, it was on the kitchen counter) I yelled (read: sternly admonished, I can't physically yell right now) at him, asking what on earth he feels the need to wake me up for. Does he feel wronged having to be the only one awake? Why would you not care about the needs of your girlfriend? I don't get it. He gave me the "nOrMaL cOuPlEs" blah blah blah and told me to post it here for judgment.
Just for context, he works 8-5. I'm in college full-time and pursuing a separate certificate on top of that. He does not pay my bills or for anything my kids or I need, so it can't be resentment from that. All the chores that get done were done by me, (he does start his own laundry and wash his own dishes *most of the time*) so it can't be that either.
Pass your judgement upon us, O Reddit.
2024.05.16 18:48 aitaiamsotired AITAH for yelling at my boyfriend for waking me up when I don't need to be awake?
For background; my boyfriend and I are both 29 and have lived together for three years, and this morning when I yelled at him, he told me to post the situation to reddit.
The whole time we've lived together, he's had this incredibly irritating need to wake me up when *he* wakes up, even when I don't need to be awake yet. He can fall asleep on a dime, but it usually takes me at least an hour to pass out (melatonin gives me the *worst* nightmares, so that's a no go). On top of that, I very frequently wake up a few times in the night.
For the record, every time he sleeps, I let him sleep. It's Saturday and I woke up earlier than him? I just hang out quietly on my phone or go to the living room if I'm gonna be any semblance of "loud." He's taking a nap? Lights are off, I make everyone be quiet and I leave him be, because *sleep is important*.
He has let me nap longer than thirty minutes maybe four or five times. He says that he does this stuff because "normal couples want to spend time together," but it feels like a control thing to me. He is very often out all weekend and some weeknights, which I don't mind at all because friendships are super important, but that shoots down the "quality time" narrative for me.
I have two kids from a previous relationship that are 8 and 6. Both kids have strep throat right now and one has scarlet fever on top of it. I currently also have strep. I have a constant headache, my throat and body hurts, and I am especially tired. Last night, he fell asleep at 12. I fell asleep at 1:30, and got up for the kids at 2:45 and 4. He gets up at six thirty for work, and he woke me up at 7 for zero reason.
Since he pulled this yesterday, waking me up to lock the door for him as he'd left his keys at work (I gave him my spare key the evening before so he could go to the gym, it was on the kitchen counter) I yelled (read: sternly admonished, I can't physically yell right now) at him, asking what on earth he feels the need to wake me up for. Does he feel wronged having to be the only one awake? Why would you not care about the needs of your girlfriend? I don't get it. He gave me the "nOrMaL cOuPlEs" blah blah blah and told me to post it here for judgment.
Just for context, he works 8-5. I'm in college full-time and pursuing a separate certificate on top of that. He does not pay my bills or for anything my kids or I need, so it can't be resentment from that. All the chores that get done were done by me, (he does start his own laundry and wash his own dishes *most of the time*) so it can't be that either.
Pass your judgement upon us, O Reddit.
submitted by aitaiamsotired to AITAH [link] [comments]
The whole time we've lived together, he's had this incredibly irritating need to wake me up when *he* wakes up, even when I don't need to be awake yet. He can fall asleep on a dime, but it usually takes me at least an hour to pass out (melatonin gives me the *worst* nightmares, so that's a no go). On top of that, I very frequently wake up a few times in the night.
For the record, every time he sleeps, I let him sleep. It's Saturday and I woke up earlier than him? I just hang out quietly on my phone or go to the living room if I'm gonna be any semblance of "loud." He's taking a nap? Lights are off, I make everyone be quiet and I leave him be, because *sleep is important*.
He has let me nap longer than thirty minutes maybe four or five times. He says that he does this stuff because "normal couples want to spend time together," but it feels like a control thing to me. He is very often out all weekend and some weeknights, which I don't mind at all because friendships are super important, but that shoots down the "quality time" narrative for me.
I have two kids from a previous relationship that are 8 and 6. Both kids have strep throat right now and one has scarlet fever on top of it. I currently also have strep. I have a constant headache, my throat and body hurts, and I am especially tired. Last night, he fell asleep at 12. I fell asleep at 1:30, and got up for the kids at 2:45 and 4. He gets up at six thirty for work, and he woke me up at 7 for zero reason.
Since he pulled this yesterday, waking me up to lock the door for him as he'd left his keys at work (I gave him my spare key the evening before so he could go to the gym, it was on the kitchen counter) I yelled (read: sternly admonished, I can't physically yell right now) at him, asking what on earth he feels the need to wake me up for. Does he feel wronged having to be the only one awake? Why would you not care about the needs of your girlfriend? I don't get it. He gave me the "nOrMaL cOuPlEs" blah blah blah and told me to post it here for judgment.
Just for context, he works 8-5. I'm in college full-time and pursuing a separate certificate on top of that. He does not pay my bills or for anything my kids or I need, so it can't be resentment from that. All the chores that get done were done by me, (he does start his own laundry and wash his own dishes *most of the time*) so it can't be that either.
Pass your judgement upon us, O Reddit.
2024.05.16 18:47 aitaiamsotired AITA for yelling at my boyfriend for waking me up when I don't need to be awake?
For background; my boyfriend and I are both 29 and have lived together for three years, and this morning when I yelled at him, he told me to post the situation to reddit.
The whole time we've lived together, he's had this incredibly irritating need to wake me up when *he* wakes up, even when I don't need to be awake yet. He can fall asleep on a dime, but it usually takes me at least an hour to pass out (melatonin gives me the *worst* nightmares, so that's a no go). On top of that, I very frequently wake up a few times in the night.
For the record, every time he sleeps, I let him sleep. It's Saturday and I woke up earlier than him? I just hang out quietly on my phone or go to the living room if I'm gonna be any semblance of "loud." He's taking a nap? Lights are off, I make everyone be quiet and I leave him be, because *sleep is important*.
He has let me nap longer than thirty minutes maybe four or five times. He says that he does this stuff because "normal couples want to spend time together," but it feels like a control thing to me. He is very often out all weekend and some weeknights, which I don't mind at all because friendships are super important, but that shoots down the "quality time" narrative for me.
I have two kids from a previous relationship that are 8 and 6. Both kids have strep throat right now and one has scarlet fever on top of it. I currently also have strep. I have a constant headache, my throat and body hurts, and I am especially tired. Last night, he fell asleep at 12. I fell asleep at 1:30, and got up for the kids at 2:45 and 4. He gets up at six thirty for work, and he woke me up at 7 for zero reason.
Since he pulled this yesterday, waking me up to lock the door for him as he'd left his keys at work (I gave him my spare key the evening before so he could go to the gym, it was on the kitchen counter) I yelled (read: sternly admonished, I can't physically yell right now) at him, asking what on earth he feels the need to wake me up for. Does he feel wronged having to be the only one awake? Why would you not care about the needs of your girlfriend? I don't get it. He gave me the "nOrMaL cOuPlEs" blah blah blah and told me to post it here for judgment.
Just for context, he works 8-5. I'm in college full-time and pursuing a separate certificate on top of that. He does not pay my bills (**edit: he pays his half, I pay my half of rent/utilities bills -, bad phrasing, sorry) or for anything my kids or I need, so it can't be resentment from that. All the chores that get done were done by me, (he does start his own laundry and wash his own dishes *most of the time*) so it can't be that either.
Pass your judgement upon us, O Reddit.
submitted by aitaiamsotired to AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC [link] [comments]
The whole time we've lived together, he's had this incredibly irritating need to wake me up when *he* wakes up, even when I don't need to be awake yet. He can fall asleep on a dime, but it usually takes me at least an hour to pass out (melatonin gives me the *worst* nightmares, so that's a no go). On top of that, I very frequently wake up a few times in the night.
For the record, every time he sleeps, I let him sleep. It's Saturday and I woke up earlier than him? I just hang out quietly on my phone or go to the living room if I'm gonna be any semblance of "loud." He's taking a nap? Lights are off, I make everyone be quiet and I leave him be, because *sleep is important*.
He has let me nap longer than thirty minutes maybe four or five times. He says that he does this stuff because "normal couples want to spend time together," but it feels like a control thing to me. He is very often out all weekend and some weeknights, which I don't mind at all because friendships are super important, but that shoots down the "quality time" narrative for me.
I have two kids from a previous relationship that are 8 and 6. Both kids have strep throat right now and one has scarlet fever on top of it. I currently also have strep. I have a constant headache, my throat and body hurts, and I am especially tired. Last night, he fell asleep at 12. I fell asleep at 1:30, and got up for the kids at 2:45 and 4. He gets up at six thirty for work, and he woke me up at 7 for zero reason.
Since he pulled this yesterday, waking me up to lock the door for him as he'd left his keys at work (I gave him my spare key the evening before so he could go to the gym, it was on the kitchen counter) I yelled (read: sternly admonished, I can't physically yell right now) at him, asking what on earth he feels the need to wake me up for. Does he feel wronged having to be the only one awake? Why would you not care about the needs of your girlfriend? I don't get it. He gave me the "nOrMaL cOuPlEs" blah blah blah and told me to post it here for judgment.
Just for context, he works 8-5. I'm in college full-time and pursuing a separate certificate on top of that. He does not pay my bills (**edit: he pays his half, I pay my half of rent/utilities bills -, bad phrasing, sorry) or for anything my kids or I need, so it can't be resentment from that. All the chores that get done were done by me, (he does start his own laundry and wash his own dishes *most of the time*) so it can't be that either.
Pass your judgement upon us, O Reddit.
2024.05.16 18:17 thetaco4611 Problem with WWE Shop
Hey!
I got a little problem with the WWE Shop. To give some context, I recently went to a WWE Live show in Europe and got to meet Damage CTRL in the Meet&Greet experience. They were really nice and I had a great time, so I wanted to buy some Asuka/Kairi Sane merch, but unfortunately they have none of their shirts in the WWE Euroshop. So I made an account in the US Shop and wanted to purchase it there, but it said that "Due to manufacturer restrictions the items in my basket cant be shipped outside of the US or to an P.O. Box"
So I thought i could ship it to a parcel forwarding service like Stackry, so I made an account there and ordered the same shirts with my stackry address and the order went through and I even got charged the money with my paypal. 1 week later I checked on my account how long the order is going to take to get shipped, but I couldnt log in my account. I just kept getting error messages. I also saw on my paypal, that I got my money from my order refunded so I contacted the customer support live chat, where the employee there couldnt really help me, but said, that orders usually get cancelled if the billing address doesnt match the one whre the parce should be shipped to, or if there´s a fraud suspicion or something like that. They also told me to call one of their support hotlines for further clarification.
So my question now is if someone has experience with this and could help me out or give me any tips on how I can circumvent these shipping restricitons. I guess the problem is that I want to ship it to a parcel forwarding service, but I have no other option if I want some of those US exclusive tshirts :/.
Would really appreciate any help on this matter! Thank you in advance!
submitted by thetaco4611 to WWE [link] [comments]
I got a little problem with the WWE Shop. To give some context, I recently went to a WWE Live show in Europe and got to meet Damage CTRL in the Meet&Greet experience. They were really nice and I had a great time, so I wanted to buy some Asuka/Kairi Sane merch, but unfortunately they have none of their shirts in the WWE Euroshop. So I made an account in the US Shop and wanted to purchase it there, but it said that "Due to manufacturer restrictions the items in my basket cant be shipped outside of the US or to an P.O. Box"
So I thought i could ship it to a parcel forwarding service like Stackry, so I made an account there and ordered the same shirts with my stackry address and the order went through and I even got charged the money with my paypal. 1 week later I checked on my account how long the order is going to take to get shipped, but I couldnt log in my account. I just kept getting error messages. I also saw on my paypal, that I got my money from my order refunded so I contacted the customer support live chat, where the employee there couldnt really help me, but said, that orders usually get cancelled if the billing address doesnt match the one whre the parce should be shipped to, or if there´s a fraud suspicion or something like that. They also told me to call one of their support hotlines for further clarification.
So my question now is if someone has experience with this and could help me out or give me any tips on how I can circumvent these shipping restricitons. I guess the problem is that I want to ship it to a parcel forwarding service, but I have no other option if I want some of those US exclusive tshirts :/.
Would really appreciate any help on this matter! Thank you in advance!
2024.05.16 18:11 acutemisadventure 2024 NFL & CFB season. Let's talk strategy and expectations!
I've been watching more nfl than cfb so I'll definitely be looking forward to hearing people's thoughts or expectations for the college world
Eagles over Packets. Why? Eagles D will help carry them to victory. Hurts ability to run adds more dimension than Love. D line will feast on love. Close game. I think jacobs takes a step back or needs a few games to find his groove. I'd personally would go +12 Packets for wiggle room
Falcons over Steelers. Why? Cousins needs to prove to every person with higher percentages of melatonin in this home opener in ATL that he's not a scrub and that he earned his 100$ guaranteed contact. He has every weapon known to man to succeed on that team plus a not to shabby D. Steelers, Tomlin, Tomlinson, Wilson, WizKhalifa and Justin fields can kick rocks and get their wins after this game.
Cards over bills. Why? Mostly because idk why but figure out the finer details yourself. But seriously, I believe they won't be able to contain Kyler. He's got more to prove than Josh Allen and the bills finally having a full season back from injury. I'd argue the Cards D will be hungrier as well.
Bears over Titans. Why? Caleb Williams seems to be more mature and focused on success than what reports initially were. I think he's gotta play a lil hero ball but I think with the receivers and the D being near top 10 at the end of the season last year the make a statement to the city that Da Bears are back. Levis will have a good team behind but.. ehh.. I think the D let's him down. They'll be good after this first week
Bengals over Patriots. Why? Because Boston hates black people but jokes aside I hope I don't have to explain why.
Colts over Texans. And that's the bottom line because Stone Cold said so!!! I'd like to leave this one up for discussion but I just feel that texans have had everything go for them since last season. Tripping up week 1 wouldn't be a knock to them but I think the O coordinator for the colts, Richardson, Pittman and Taylor..uh.. actually never- mind the Texans win. I think it'll be an interesting match though.
Phins over Jags. Why? Because the women in south Beach are approximately 100x hotter than the ones in Jacksonville. I think speed kills. If the D can pressure Sunshine(can't think of his name) then it'll be though to win the in state battle.
Saints over panthers. Why? Because unless Bryson added 'growing 5 inches' to his off-season todo list or unless all New Orleans floods again then the opener is going to be hype and Carr needs to prove he's not a waste. Also Legette and his southern draw isn't going to draw up anything special to make Carolina magically win this game. I don't give a shit if he can run as fast as his horse qwatah hoaw Dolla Bill.
Vikings over Giants why? I hope I don't need to explain this.
Chargers over Raiders why? Idk why they're just the better team.
Seahawks over broncos why? Either Sam Howell or Gen Smith and the receivers and D have absolutely no god(s) damn business losing to a rookie in Nix or Zach Wilson or even Stidham. Also, I don't have better reasons
Browns shit on the Cockboys/Cowgirls why? I really don't feel like typing anymore
Bucs over Commanders why? Last year I said to every Viking living Nordic person in a bar to not under estimate Baker. Quite honestly I don't think Dan Quinns strikes any fear into any teams expect maybe the giants from last year so why would a guy like Baker with a new contract and still a chip on his shoulder and a team with a mostly super bowl caliber players give a fuck now?
Lions over Rams why? Reference Falcons summary and partially the superbowl caliber type players reasoning from above
Jets over the 49ers why? Because Rodgers will be closer to Pacfic ocean. Why does this matter? 76% of the dolphins that used those high frequency sound waves will be in the Bay area that night. That's essentially the equivalent of Super Man fighting near the sun. Quite frankly I don't know how this is even remotely fair or legal. JETS D puts the clamps on the Shanahans scheme picks purdy a couple times, Rodgers throws around 250ish yards and Hall runs for atleast 75 yards and a TD
Would like to know what you guys think.
submitted by acutemisadventure to sportsbetting [link] [comments]
- Actually have a strategy.
- No more 16+ leg parlays anymore...........unless if it's less than %10 of your roll' and even then I feel like they should be roundrobins
- I have this theory that incentives or game strategies can definitely correlate to play contracts in certain instances.
- Shedeur Sanders will crack 4k passing
- Last I ignored or chickened out on calling week one in the nfl. I made a video of it for the sub in last year so check it out. But here's how I think it'll go down. Mind this is what I think if 90% of key players are healthy throughout training camp and preseason:
Eagles over Packets. Why? Eagles D will help carry them to victory. Hurts ability to run adds more dimension than Love. D line will feast on love. Close game. I think jacobs takes a step back or needs a few games to find his groove. I'd personally would go +12 Packets for wiggle room
Falcons over Steelers. Why? Cousins needs to prove to every person with higher percentages of melatonin in this home opener in ATL that he's not a scrub and that he earned his 100$ guaranteed contact. He has every weapon known to man to succeed on that team plus a not to shabby D. Steelers, Tomlin, Tomlinson, Wilson, WizKhalifa and Justin fields can kick rocks and get their wins after this game.
Cards over bills. Why? Mostly because idk why but figure out the finer details yourself. But seriously, I believe they won't be able to contain Kyler. He's got more to prove than Josh Allen and the bills finally having a full season back from injury. I'd argue the Cards D will be hungrier as well.
Bears over Titans. Why? Caleb Williams seems to be more mature and focused on success than what reports initially were. I think he's gotta play a lil hero ball but I think with the receivers and the D being near top 10 at the end of the season last year the make a statement to the city that Da Bears are back. Levis will have a good team behind but.. ehh.. I think the D let's him down. They'll be good after this first week
Bengals over Patriots. Why? Because Boston hates black people but jokes aside I hope I don't have to explain why.
Colts over Texans. And that's the bottom line because Stone Cold said so!!! I'd like to leave this one up for discussion but I just feel that texans have had everything go for them since last season. Tripping up week 1 wouldn't be a knock to them but I think the O coordinator for the colts, Richardson, Pittman and Taylor..uh.. actually never- mind the Texans win. I think it'll be an interesting match though.
Phins over Jags. Why? Because the women in south Beach are approximately 100x hotter than the ones in Jacksonville. I think speed kills. If the D can pressure Sunshine(can't think of his name) then it'll be though to win the in state battle.
Saints over panthers. Why? Because unless Bryson added 'growing 5 inches' to his off-season todo list or unless all New Orleans floods again then the opener is going to be hype and Carr needs to prove he's not a waste. Also Legette and his southern draw isn't going to draw up anything special to make Carolina magically win this game. I don't give a shit if he can run as fast as his horse qwatah hoaw Dolla Bill.
Vikings over Giants why? I hope I don't need to explain this.
Chargers over Raiders why? Idk why they're just the better team.
Seahawks over broncos why? Either Sam Howell or Gen Smith and the receivers and D have absolutely no god(s) damn business losing to a rookie in Nix or Zach Wilson or even Stidham. Also, I don't have better reasons
Browns shit on the Cockboys/Cowgirls why? I really don't feel like typing anymore
Bucs over Commanders why? Last year I said to every Viking living Nordic person in a bar to not under estimate Baker. Quite honestly I don't think Dan Quinns strikes any fear into any teams expect maybe the giants from last year so why would a guy like Baker with a new contract and still a chip on his shoulder and a team with a mostly super bowl caliber players give a fuck now?
Lions over Rams why? Reference Falcons summary and partially the superbowl caliber type players reasoning from above
Jets over the 49ers why? Because Rodgers will be closer to Pacfic ocean. Why does this matter? 76% of the dolphins that used those high frequency sound waves will be in the Bay area that night. That's essentially the equivalent of Super Man fighting near the sun. Quite frankly I don't know how this is even remotely fair or legal. JETS D puts the clamps on the Shanahans scheme picks purdy a couple times, Rodgers throws around 250ish yards and Hall runs for atleast 75 yards and a TD
Would like to know what you guys think.
2024.05.16 17:26 j3ckie0714 Sa utang napupunta ang sahod ko
Ako lang ba yung akala na maaahon ko na sa kahirapan yung pamliya ko pero once na magkaroon ng sakit ang isa sa pamilya ay mahirap na makabangon ulit.
I'm currently 25yo right now and masasabi ko lang na mahirap pala talaga bumuhay ng pamilya lalo na at only child pa ako, walang kapatid na katulong sa pagtaguyod ng needs namin. Senior na papa ko and two years ago lang nastroke siya at di na makabalik sa dati niyang ginagawa.
Since then, dun na kami nagkaroon ng mga utang sa mga kaibigan ni mama na never namin talaga nagawa noon kasi sapat lang naman yung sinasahod ko para sa amin. Na-ospital papa ko for about two months at sa private na ospital pa namin siya nadala na pinakamalapit lang sa bahay namin. Umabot ng magiisang milyon yung bill sa ospital kaya tumagal talaga kami ng two months dahil di namin siya mailabas ng walang pera. Buti na lang may mga medical assistance na malalapitan kaya bumaba na lang sa 400k yung natitirang bill. Nagbayad kami ng 100k na parang down muna para makalabas na si papa pero may kasunduan or naka-notaryong kasulatan kami na may 3 months installment kami para mabayaran yung 300k.
Salary loan ko and pension loan ni papa sa sss yung pinaka-una naming option para makakuha agad ng pera para sa natitira. Lahat ng bonus ko sa trabaho sa bayarin lang napupunta. Sa totoo lang, ang pagbenta sa bahay namin na mahigit 20 years na naming tinitirhan ang unang naisip ni mama bago pa makalabas ng ospital kaso walang bumibili sa bahay namin kasi siguro luma na rin at di kami makahanap na bibili sa gusto naming presyo.
Hanggang ngayon nagbabayad pa rin kami ng natitirang 50k balance (fortunately wala pang interest kasama) kasabay pa niyan may mga money loan pa kaming hinuhulugan monthly.
Bilang breadwinner ng pamilya ko, madami na rin akong naging experience na what if hindi ito nangyari sa amin, marami na siguro akong ipon dahil medyo may kakuriputan din ako or madami na siguro akong napundar kung di lang sa utang napupunta yung sinasahod ko. May araw din na sa sobrang overthinking ko umaabot na ako sa thoughts na di ko na kaya, nakakapagod na. Gusto ko na lang matapos lahat ng ito. May times na naiingit ako sa mga friends ko sa social media kasi sila madami nang napuntahan, nabiling gusto ko din at naexperience. Kaya nasanay na rin ako na di masyadong tumitingin sa social media.
Thankful pa rin ako kahit na sobrang tipid namin sa bahay ngayon di pa rin kami napapabayaan ng Diyos. May mga times na sobrang down pero iniisip ko na lang konti na lang malapit na ako sa finish line ng mga due date. Kahit na nag-eenjoy na sana ako living my young life nagpapasalamat pa rin ako kasi kompleto pa kami ng pamilya ko nabubuhay sa hirap man o ginhawa. Ito na lang ang kaya kong isukli sa lahat ng mga paghihirap nila maibigay lang lahat ng mga pangangailangan ko.
Sa lahat ng may struggles sa buhay, madami pa tayong pagdadaanang pagsubok. Di lang natin mararating ngayon yung mga goal na naset natin pero alam kong darating pa rin ang panahon na unti unting mababawasan ang bigat na dinadala natin.
submitted by j3ckie0714 to adultingph [link] [comments]
I'm currently 25yo right now and masasabi ko lang na mahirap pala talaga bumuhay ng pamilya lalo na at only child pa ako, walang kapatid na katulong sa pagtaguyod ng needs namin. Senior na papa ko and two years ago lang nastroke siya at di na makabalik sa dati niyang ginagawa.
Since then, dun na kami nagkaroon ng mga utang sa mga kaibigan ni mama na never namin talaga nagawa noon kasi sapat lang naman yung sinasahod ko para sa amin. Na-ospital papa ko for about two months at sa private na ospital pa namin siya nadala na pinakamalapit lang sa bahay namin. Umabot ng magiisang milyon yung bill sa ospital kaya tumagal talaga kami ng two months dahil di namin siya mailabas ng walang pera. Buti na lang may mga medical assistance na malalapitan kaya bumaba na lang sa 400k yung natitirang bill. Nagbayad kami ng 100k na parang down muna para makalabas na si papa pero may kasunduan or naka-notaryong kasulatan kami na may 3 months installment kami para mabayaran yung 300k.
Salary loan ko and pension loan ni papa sa sss yung pinaka-una naming option para makakuha agad ng pera para sa natitira. Lahat ng bonus ko sa trabaho sa bayarin lang napupunta. Sa totoo lang, ang pagbenta sa bahay namin na mahigit 20 years na naming tinitirhan ang unang naisip ni mama bago pa makalabas ng ospital kaso walang bumibili sa bahay namin kasi siguro luma na rin at di kami makahanap na bibili sa gusto naming presyo.
Hanggang ngayon nagbabayad pa rin kami ng natitirang 50k balance (fortunately wala pang interest kasama) kasabay pa niyan may mga money loan pa kaming hinuhulugan monthly.
Bilang breadwinner ng pamilya ko, madami na rin akong naging experience na what if hindi ito nangyari sa amin, marami na siguro akong ipon dahil medyo may kakuriputan din ako or madami na siguro akong napundar kung di lang sa utang napupunta yung sinasahod ko. May araw din na sa sobrang overthinking ko umaabot na ako sa thoughts na di ko na kaya, nakakapagod na. Gusto ko na lang matapos lahat ng ito. May times na naiingit ako sa mga friends ko sa social media kasi sila madami nang napuntahan, nabiling gusto ko din at naexperience. Kaya nasanay na rin ako na di masyadong tumitingin sa social media.
Thankful pa rin ako kahit na sobrang tipid namin sa bahay ngayon di pa rin kami napapabayaan ng Diyos. May mga times na sobrang down pero iniisip ko na lang konti na lang malapit na ako sa finish line ng mga due date. Kahit na nag-eenjoy na sana ako living my young life nagpapasalamat pa rin ako kasi kompleto pa kami ng pamilya ko nabubuhay sa hirap man o ginhawa. Ito na lang ang kaya kong isukli sa lahat ng mga paghihirap nila maibigay lang lahat ng mga pangangailangan ko.
Sa lahat ng may struggles sa buhay, madami pa tayong pagdadaanang pagsubok. Di lang natin mararating ngayon yung mga goal na naset natin pero alam kong darating pa rin ang panahon na unti unting mababawasan ang bigat na dinadala natin.
2024.05.16 14:15 South-Hair7431 F&O taxes for an IT professional
I am a fresher with roughly 9 months of work ex, I recently started F&O trading also.I read some blogs regarding the tax calculation of F&O taxes for a salaried person. I have some queries :-
submitted by South-Hair7431 to IndiaTax [link] [comments]
- When does one require a tax audit for F&O trades? I read that if I have a turnover of less than 2 crore but in presumptive taxation scheme, I need to get it done. Problem is, I do not know whether I am in presumptive tax or not
- I read in one blog that if I am doing F&O trading, and in new tax regime, I will not be able to claim tax benefits under Chapter VI (A) , although I couldnt find more such reference. Is it really the case?
- Let's say I have an F&O turnover of 10 lakhs, while my net profit/loss is 3 lakhs, which components will I be taxed on, turnover or profit/loss?
- What all deductions are possible against the non-speculative income? I know I can subtract all the charges that I had to take for carrying out the trades(brokerage, tax etc). Can I also claim the full internet bills, phone bills, rent, electricity? How is the depreciation cost of the device used for such trades calculated?
2024.05.16 13:20 samacora Official - Thursday Free Chat Thread
Good Morning Patriots
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Free place to chat and a good place to discuss whatever you like with other sub users
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submitted by samacora to Patriots [link] [comments]
__
Free place to chat and a good place to discuss whatever you like with other sub users
__
2024 Opponents Set.
__Patriots front office tracker
__Meet New England’s 2024 Rookie Class.
Patriots updated depth chart
__New England Patriots News Catchup Links - Dissecting Drake Maye: Premature evaluations
- Transactions: Patriots sign four rookie free agents; Release RB Ke’Shawn Vaughn.
- Evan Lazar tackles this week’s Patriots Mailbag: What is OC Alex Van Pelt’s plan as the ‘lead guy’ in Drake Maye’s development?
- Highlights: Patriots draft picks get fitted for their helmets. (1.30 min. video)
- Highlights: Patriots rookies receive advice from veteran players. (1 min. video)
- Chris Mason writes about how Drake Maye’s family forged an unflinching confidence in the Patriots’ QB.
- Chris Mason shares 10 more Drake Maye anecdotes.
- Mike Kadlick recaps everything Drake Maye did and said at rookie minicamp. Belichick rarely, if ever, opened up rookie minicamp, so this was the first time in a long time the media was allowed to observe the newbies practice
- Karen Guregian finds that ‘Operation Fix Drake Maye’ was on full display last weekend. Here’s a first look at Drake Maye showcasing his skills, along with the Patriots approach to cleaning up any mechanical issues he may have.
- Michael Brauner relays Drew Bledsoe on how Patriots offensive coordinator Alex Van Pelt will be huge for the development of Drake Maye.
- Mike D’Abate reports Drake Maye has been logging some late hours to “learn as much as he can” at minicamp.
- Ben Volin says Drake Maye is the future, but the Patriots may have a perfect mentor for him in Jacoby Brissett.
- Darren Hartwell passes along a report that the Patriots-Eagles joint practice will have one difference from Belichick’s tradition: “Word is that Mayo prefers just a single practice, in part to limit fighting that can sometimes become prevalent on a second day.”
- Christopher Price’s Patriots mailbag: What is going on at left tackle and defensive end?
- Alex Barth talks about the four undrafted free agents signed by the Patriots this weekend.
- Alex Barth spotlights OLB Jay Person who signed with the Pats after his rookie minicamp tryout.
- Sara Marshall thumbnails four Patriots already on the chopping block before OTAs. 1. JuJu Smith-Schuster.
- Michael Brauner notes the Patriots revealed a new alternate logo and it caused a social media frenzy.
- Nick O’Malley relays Stephon Gilmore on why he hasn’t signed with a team yet. “I’m still focused on playing, but it has to be the right opportunity. I feel like it’s the age thing with some of these teams. If I was 28, I would already have been signed by now.”
- Sara Marshall points out how the Patriots-Tee Higgins rumors are growing louder after the huge extension of Antoine Winfield Jr.
- Matt Sidney recaps the Pats’ top 5 game-changing moves during the offseason. 1. Cutting ties with Bill Belichick.
- A Clare Perspective podcast: Clare welcomes Alex Barth to discuss their ‘way too early’ takes on what’s been going on in New England… and more. (33 min.)
- Locked On Patriots podcast: Mike & Murph dive into the Mailbag to discuss Drake Maye, rookie OLs Caedan Wallace and Layden Robinson and the official hiring of Eliot Wolf as executive VP of player personnel in (37 min.)
2024.05.16 12:02 ganjapuxxy Who has a right to protest against the govt’s lunacy?
I haven’t posted in a while (which is unlike me), life has been in the way.
Anyway, I’m about to get into a very heated debate with my aunt on the family group chat and I need some insight.
I don’t actively participate in political discussions because I know I’ll turn into a potty-mouth and I become intensely, but negatively, passionate. But you know how family groups are: politics are a heavy discussion.
I commented about the finance bill (which I haven’t read in its entirety because it’s explicitly awful) and said that our ancestors didn’t fight for independence for this nonsense. My aunt went ahead to ask if I voted. And I said I didn’t. Then she says I have no right to complain (which I hear from my folks too).
I think that opinion is absurd. I’m Kenyan, no? I live in this country and dumb govt policies and increasingly tricky living standards affect me directly. I have a right to complain.
I didn’t cast my vote because democracy doesn’t exist, the candidates were all fucked and I don’t believe in hiding behind “exercising my democratic right”.
That being said, I will see how this feud will turn out.
Edit: the argument didn’t go far because of other more urgent matters. S/o to everyone who shared my sentiments.
submitted by ganjapuxxy to Kenya [link] [comments]
Anyway, I’m about to get into a very heated debate with my aunt on the family group chat and I need some insight.
I don’t actively participate in political discussions because I know I’ll turn into a potty-mouth and I become intensely, but negatively, passionate. But you know how family groups are: politics are a heavy discussion.
I commented about the finance bill (which I haven’t read in its entirety because it’s explicitly awful) and said that our ancestors didn’t fight for independence for this nonsense. My aunt went ahead to ask if I voted. And I said I didn’t. Then she says I have no right to complain (which I hear from my folks too).
I think that opinion is absurd. I’m Kenyan, no? I live in this country and dumb govt policies and increasingly tricky living standards affect me directly. I have a right to complain.
I didn’t cast my vote because democracy doesn’t exist, the candidates were all fucked and I don’t believe in hiding behind “exercising my democratic right”.
That being said, I will see how this feud will turn out.
Edit: the argument didn’t go far because of other more urgent matters. S/o to everyone who shared my sentiments.
2024.05.16 11:38 Agreeable-Ad4806 Exploration of Purva Bhadrapada Nakshatra Part 2
Preface: This is for Vedic, Sidereal Astrology.
This took a super long time to finish, but I've finally reached a point where I think I'm done trying to improve it. This part will focus more on how Purva Bhadrapada manifests for individuals.
Nature
Purva Bhadrapada reminds me a lot of Kali Yuga. In Hindu cosmology, Kali is the final of the four ages that the world goes through as part of a continuous cycle of creation, maintenance, and dissolution. It is the final stage before the onset of a new cycle, promising the destruction of the old order and the eventual merging of all into a unified whole. It signifies a time of dual balance before dissolution of individual identities and the reunification of all existence with the divine source. This can be viewed as being similar to the process of individual death, but it is on a universal scale. Kali Yuga is considered the age of darkness and moral decline, where spiritual values deteriorate and materialism prevails. According to Hindu scriptures, Kali Yuga is characterized by widespread social, political, and moral corruption, as well as a decline in virtue and Dharma (righteousness). It is believed that, during this age, human beings face numerous challenges and spiritual tests, and the pursuit of higher consciousness becomes increasingly more difficult compared to the previous Yugas. Just as Kali Yuga tests individuals with challenges to their spiritual resolve amidst the prevailing degeneration of values, Purva Bhadrapada is a cosmic stage where one's truest nature is tested through the weakening separation of the spiritual and the material. Here, individuals are made to confront their deepest fears and desires, burdened with the challenge of facing their true nature and purifying their souls. The emphasis of this nakshatra lies in releasing attachments amidst the seduction of outer freedom and power, mirroring the spiritual trials inherent to Kali Yuga. Yet, despite challenges of degeneration, there exists a unique opportunity during the stages of both Kali and Purva Bhadrapada. Kali is believed to be the best time for spiritual progress and true liberation because individuals can attain spiritual growth more rapidly due to the intensity of the challenges they face during this period, and the same is true of Purva Bhadrapada nakshatra. Both Kali and Purva Bhadrapada emphasize the importance of transcending mundane concerns and dedicatedly seeking spiritual truth amidst the backdrop of pervading ignorance.
The primary nature of Purva Bhadrapada is that of penance and disequilibrium. Purva Bhadrapada is the stage of evolution where individuals are made to undergo intense internal transformation and dissolution, shedding layers of their being in preparation for spiritual renewal and divine return. This process of metamorphosis can be seen as a type of penance, whether embraced willingly or thrust upon them. It offers eventual rewards as they journey towards enlightenment. As the primary nature of Purva Bhadrapada revolves around penance and transformation, individuals heavily influenced by this Nakshatra are oriented towards personal introspection and societal purification, viewing their lives as both a personal quest for growth and an opportunity to contribute to something greater. Individually, they seek to cleanse themselves of past transgressions and strive for spiritual redemption, and they feel personally responsible for their impact on others. At a broader societal level, they are driven by a strong sense of justice and a duty to rectify societal wrongs of the past and present in order to contribute to the collective upliftment and purification of their community. As such, they often subject themselves and others to extreme physical, mental, and spiritual challenges. They are presented with a kind of spiritual trial of sacrifice: either they can willingly embrace self-denial and endure while remaining detached, or they can create so much desire and fear that it causes them to lose the direction of their souls in the process. While the primary manifestation of Purva Bhadrapada energy is inwardly focused on cultivating self-discipline and perfection, oftentimes to an unhealthy degree, sometimes the focus can instead shift outward. This is where Purva Bhadrapada gains a lot of its infamy; Purva Bhadrapada is revered as one of the most "difficult" and "intense" nakshatras among Vedic astrologers. It is an asterism that gets approached with trepidation due to its somber imagery and associations with themes of violence, debauchery, and malevolence. The negative traits linked to Purva Bhadrapada, such as paranoia, pessimism, and hedonism, contribute to its daunting reputation. And for the most part, the fear of this nakshatra is justified. Not only are these individuals capable of doling out punishment themselves through various means like violence, manipulation, curses, etc., but they can also inadvertently bring out the self-destructive or uncontrolled nature of others. They are the types to cause deep introspection and confrontation with one's own shortcomings and fears, often acting as catalysts for irreversible transformation of character.
In terms of Purva Bhadrapada's inherently unbalanced nature, the trajectory is quite clear. These natives are not the type to do anything in moderation and often have an unstable demeanor and sense of self. They will always be pulled towards the polar extremes of anything, but they can flip on their values rapidly following any transformative event. They may occupy the deepest levels of material saturation, completely lost in chasing fame, drugs, sex, and uncontained immoral activities. Yet, paradoxically, they can also find themselves drawn to the heights of spiritual austerity, sometimes even at the same time they are trying to maximize their material standing. This innate propensity for extremes and contradiction manifests in every aspect of their lives, from their relationships, to their goals, to their beliefs, and to their actions. They are esteemed for their amiable disposition, characterized by warmth, thoughtfulness, and a selfless inclination to assist others without seeking acknowledgment. Yet, concurrently, they are often perceived as self-serving, prone to bouts of ill temper, and housing a proclivity towards ego-centricity. Despite appearing outwardly normal a lot of the time, they can be very eccentric. They are the types to lead clandestine lives, harboring secrets and maintaining hidden facets of their personalities and activities, even to those closest to them. This can make them seem nefarious and untrustworthy. Sometimes this is the case, but despite having a reputation for deceit, many of them are known to be sincere and honorable. Yet, underlying however they are being perceived is a deeper struggle to fully identify with anything. This challenge leads to inner conflicts and uncertainties, as they grapple with their sense of self and their place in the world. They are up and down, left and right, constantly in a state of internal conflict that leaves them questioning who they really are. They can feel like they don't know themselves while still being hyper-individualistic and defensive over whatever their current sense of identity is, even though it is likely to change. These contradictions reveal the complexity of their psyche, where outer appearances often mask inner conflicts and contradictory emotions and experiences. Purva Bhadrapada natives navigate the space where boundaries are starting to blur, reflecting the burgeoning singularity of existence in their minds. Due to this, sometimes they can seem like walking contradictions, embodying multiple clashing characteristics at once. For example, while they may harbor a sense of superiority over others, they can also experience deep-seated insecurity and jealousy. They can like to be critical, but cannot handle criticism. Additionally, they might demonstrate a strong desire for independence and self-reliance, yet simultaneously crave validation and approval from those around them. These conflicting traits contribute to their complex and enigmatic nature, making them intriguing yet challenging individuals to understand to others and themselves.
Purva Bhadrapada's inclination towards extremes extends to their pursuit of goals, as they approach certain tasks with unwavering ambition and dedication. They set high standards and are willing to push themselves to extreme limits to get what they want. This relentless drive for perfection and attainment can sometimes lead them to engage in behaviors that are harmful to the well-being of themselves or others, as they struggle to find balance and moderation. At this point, you may be asking, "how is that penance if they are only striving to selfishly get what they want?" Well, the painful truth about this is that they do not really want these things. They are told by others ignorant to their situation that they will be happy when they achieve some kind of abstruse goal set forth for them by society, and they are sent on a goose-chase of material ambition to achieve happiness, but this inevitably only leads to further dissatisfaction. They are met with pain, humiliation, and harsh transformation, but they keep pushing towards their aspiration of material fulfillment. It is only when they get that job, marry that partner, become famous, etc. that they realize it does not bring them happiness or fill them with the sense of purpose they crave. In fact, this realization often leads to intense anger as they confront the worthlessness of what they spent all their time chasing. The journey through Purva Bhadrapada is undeniably arduous, but that is to be expected with such a potent force. They are called to transcend their attachments, lest they be forcefully ripped away. They begin to grapple with an inescapable emptiness they feel when interacting with the world, and this can often lead them to deep feelings of nihilism. Purva Bhadrapada natives are predisposed to being unhappy, and this is not a shallow kind of unhappiness that fades based on external circumstances. Rather, it is a deeply existential depression– a feeling of confused worthlessness and dissatisfaction they often battle with for the duration of their lives. Their experiences and attachments become increasingly burdensome as they grow more aware of the fleeting nature of life. These natives will openly acknowledge the impermanence of worldly intentions, and while this can be both good or bad, it ultimately makes their minds unpredictable and unstable. With the recognition that nothing lasts forever, a new philosophy can be used to justify any action according to moral relativism. If nothing matters in the grand scheme – where whatever you do will eventually fade into obscurity, wiped away with the start of a new cycle – then anything you do doesn’t really matter in the end. This gives these natives a sense of untouchability, a feeling to do whatever they please at their most uninhibited. And it is in this stage of recognizing one’s freedom to do whatever they want is that the test to discern their one’s nature begins. When there is total freedom, the only real concern becomes about what one chooses to do with their freedom. After all, the only harm that can come from doing what you want is ultimately the result of wanting to do something harmful. Sadly, the reality is that most people are not strong enough to fully resist the temptation of evil and would fail this test. It is for this reason that this trial is exclusively administered to individuals who possess a high level of spiritual advancement found under Purva Bhadrapda. Regardless of the difficulties they face, those governed by Purva Bhadrapada have tremendous inner strength and personal resilience, which often manifests in worldly and spiritual achievement and prosperity in various facets of their lives.
Individuals born under the influence of the Purva Bhadrapada Nakshatra are inherently inclined towards detachment from external influences. This detachment often leads them down two distinct paths. Some choose to embrace a life unbound by societal norms, driven solely by their inner convictions. These individuals seek to experience life to the fullest, embracing both its joys and challenges. However, if they feel unfulfilled, they may turn to darker pursuits in search of excitement. Conversely, others utilize their detachment for spiritual advancement, renouncing materialism in favor of a disciplined quest for higher truths. In both cases, detachment becomes a defining trait, shaping their lives in divergent yet meaningful ways. Whether they become revolutionary leaders or appear lazy due to their selective motivation, their actions are stirred only by what truly invigorates their souls. Their inner character often changes with time. They can start out seeming quite innocent and fragile, and a lot of the time they will have something about them that invites torment, be it their big and eccentric personalities, their height, their weight, their looks, etc. This often leads people to perceive them as different and vulnerable. Unfortunately, this vulnerability often attracts individuals who seek to exploit, victimize, or corrupt them. There's a noticeable pattern of others attempting to take advantage of their perceived weakness, whether it be through just trying to make them feel bad, manipulating them, coercing them to do things they do not want to, or forcing them to be alone by treating them as outcasts. This predatory behavior can leave these individuals feeling isolated, betrayed, and miserable, further fueling their inner turmoil and sense of disillusionment with the world around them. However, this also serves to strengthen them. During the course of their lives, they will experience a series of external transformations that will change who they are. While their soft and innocent demeanor may still be present in some ways, there will be a new darker side to their nature. The inner transformations that Purva Bhadrapada natives undergo change them into stronger, more hardened versions of themselves. This alteration can manifest in tendencies towards violence, aggression, deceit, manipulation, etc., yet at the same time, it also equips them with the strength and capability to protect others when needed. As they navigate the complexities of life, they become formidable forces, possessing the resilience and detachment to confront challenges head-on along with the capacity to wield their strength for both good and evil.
Purva Bhadrapada natives exhibit a curious mix of flippancy and seriousness, often displaying a casual attitude towards many topics yet simultaneously exuding an air of solemnity in regards to topics concerning things like philosophical and existential inquiries. They possess a keen intellect characterized by innovation and depth of gnosis, which lends to their excellence in fields like science and research. Additionally, they are known to have an insatiable thirst for knowledge and information gathering brought about by a powerful yearning for deeper truth. While they may have a religious inclination, their focus lies more on unraveling the essence of spirituality rather than adhering rigidly to dogma. As a result of their approach to religion, they can sometimes be critical of conventional religious practices, which rely heavily on dogmatic rules and rituals. These natives are generally liberal and disdain hypocrisy as well as superficiality, valuing authenticity and depth in both thought and action, regardless of how much it clashes with anything else. Despite their show of outward confidence, they often wrestle with inner self-doubt and a crippling fear of failure, which leaves little room for optimism when they are faced with setbacks. While they typically prefer to be alone, they may inadvertently rely on others when seeking to escape the monotony of their everyday lives. This can make them seem unreliable or inconsistent when it comes to their relationships. They are driven by an innate desire to transcend mediocrity and to be perceived as exceptional. This drive for superior distinction stems from underlying feelings of insecurity and a fear of judgment, compelling them to constantly push the boundaries and strive for success through originality in all aspects of their lives. In their personal relationships, Purva Bhadrapada natives may struggle to balance their need for independence with their desire for connection. Generally, in their interactions with others, Purva Bhadrapada natives are intense yet detached. Despite their desire for authenticity and closeness in relationships, they may struggle to express their openly, fearing rejection or misunderstanding. This internal conflict between their need for connection and their fear of vulnerability can create barriers to intimacy, causing them to retreat through self-imposed isolation. Additionally, their critical nature and high standards can sometimes alienate others, as they can come across as overly judgmental or demanding of their fitness, partners, colleagues, etc. They value depth and sincerity in relationships, but sometimes it can be too much to where they end up pushing others away with their intensity. Despite these challenges, they are still often very empathetic and understanding, and they can offer support to people when needed.
Before I get into the padas, I want to give some examples. I do not want to go into much detail or take up too much time with this, but given the very complicated nature of this nakshatra, I feel that it is necessary to provide media representations for people to look into if they are interested in knowing more about how it manifests: Martin Scorsese PB Moon and Andrew Garfield PB ASC (Silence Official Trailer (2016) - Paramount Pictures), Billie Eilish PB ASC (Billie Eilish - bury a friend (Official Music Video)), Jack Black PB Moon (School of Rock (2003) Trailer #1 Movieclips Classic Trailers), Dylan O'brien PB Moon (AMERICAN ASSASSIN - Official Trailer - HD (Dylan O'Brien, Michael Keaton), Logan-Marshall Green (Upgrade Trailer #1 (2018) Movieclips Trailers), Paul Walker PB Moon (Hours TRAILER (2013) - Paul Walker Movie HD), Bill Skarsgard PB Moon (The Crow - Official Trailer (2024) Bill Skarsgård, FKA twigs, Danny Huston), Olivia Wilde PB Sun (A VIGILANTE Official HD International Trailer Starring Olivia Wilde) & (The Lazarus Effect Official Trailer #1 (2015) - Olivia Wilde, Mark Duplass Movie HD), John Stamos PB ASC (John Stamos Stars in "Secrets of Eden" Lifetime), Hozier PB Sun (the lyrics and imagery of this video are extremely Purva Bhadrapada) Hozier - Take Me To Church), Kaya Scoledario PB Sun (Spinning Out Official Trailer Netflix), Ryan Gosling PB ASC (THE FALL GUY Official Trailer 2 (Universal Studios) - HD), Camila Mendes PB Moon (Do Revenge Official Trailer Netflix), Bryan Cranston PB Sun (Breaking Bad Trailer), Sabrina Carpenter PB Moon and Milo Manheim PB Sun (Sabrina Carpenter - Feather (Official Video) Alexandra Daddario PB Sun (Anne Rice's Mayfair Witches Trailer: Starring Alexandra Daddario AMC+), Jacob Elordi PB Moon (2 HEARTS Official Trailer (2020) Jacob Elordi, Tiera Skovbye), Tom Blyth PB Moon (Billy The Kid (EPIX 2022 Series) Official Trailer), Daniel Gillies PB Sun (COMING HOME IN THE DARK Trailer (2021) Daniel Gillies Suspense Thriller Movie), Matthew Gray Gubler PB Sun (KING KNIGHT Trailer (2022) Angela Sarafyan, Matthew Gray Gubler), Jon Hamm (Corner Office (2023) Official Trailer - Jon Hamm, Danny Pudi, Sarah Gadon), Rachel Weisz PB Sun + Moon and Sam Claflin PB Moon (MY COUSIN RACHEL Official Trailer FOX Searchlight), Chris Pine PB Moon (Jack Reacher Movie Trailer), Madison Beer PB Sun (Madison Beer - Make You Mine (Official Music Video), Sharon Stone PB Sun (Basic Instinct - Trailer (1080p)), and Michael Jackson PB Moon (Michael Jackson - Thriller (Official 4K Video).
Padas
(mostly for Moon) They all tend to be skinny to middle weight until they get older, where they either become more muscular or plump/curvy.
1st – The first pada of Purva Bhadrapada, falling in the Aries Navamsa, signifies a stage of primal energy and raw ambition. With Mars as their guiding force, they exhibit a relentless drive to achieve their goals, refusing to be deterred by obstacles or setbacks. However, being the initial pada of the nakshatra just leaving the stage of Shatabhisha, this quarter is the least spiritually developed. While they may possess great worldly ambition and the capacity for success, they may also be prone to ego-driven actions and an overly narrow focus on material pursuits. They can get into occultism or spirituality, but it is usually an attempt to further themselves in the material realm. Natives born under this pada possess a combative nature, always ready to engage in confrontations to defend their beliefs or assert their dominance. They tend to be more mentally aggressive than physically, but nonetheless their volatile temperament can lead to physical disputes as well when they are provoked enough. They know they can be very damaging when they lose control, so they will do everything in their power to prevent escalation. Ironically, this can make them seem passive. They typically exhibit anxious tendencies while attempting to conceal or downplay their feelings of worry. Natives of this pada are extremely passionate, but they have a tendency to constantly compare themselves to others, which ultimately can lead them to disregard their efforts to focus on surpassing someone else's. This propensity of theirs for aggression, envy, and competitiveness can strain relationships and hinder their personal growth, as they become consumed by their own desires for dominance and validation. They are usually medium tall with a wide forehead and low eyebrows.
2nd – The second pada of Purva Bhadrapada, ruled by Venus in the Taurus Navamsa, embodies a stage of sensual indulgence and creative expression. Individuals born under this pada are drawn to the occult and mysteries of the unseen, often delving into practices such as astrology and black magic. There is a bit of detachment from the mysticism of it at this stage though. They may prefer to look at it through a scientific or philosophical perspective as opposed to one that embraces faith in the divine. While their interest in these esoteric realms may lead to proficiency in such arts, it also heightens their propensity to lose track of their life's direction, becoming absorbed in the pursuit of hidden knowledge and power. Natives of this pada are characterized by their attractive physique, with beautiful broad teeth and strikingly captivating eyes that draw others to them. They possess an innate charm that makes them highly appealing to the opposite sex, and they are not hesitant to indulge in their darker desires and fantasies. Their creativity knows no bounds, as they constantly innovate and explore new avenues of expression. However, despite their magnetic allure and creative flair, individuals of this pada are prone to indulgence and excess, particularly when it comes to satisfying their sensual appetites. Their pursuit of pleasure and gratification can sometimes lead them astray, causing them to lose sight of their responsibilities and priorities. This stage of Purva Bhadrapada is more spiritually evolved than the prior, but it is still in the accumulation phase of Aquarius and the 11th house. Despite their outward charm, they may struggle to find stability and balance in their lives. They are prone to accidents.
3rd – The third pada of Purva Bhadrapada falls in the Gemini Navamsa and is ruled by Mercury. Natives born under this pada embody the mental side of Purva Bhadrapada, which is very focused on cultivating critical reasoning and gathering information, emphasizing communication, learning, and adaptability. Individuals born under this pada are intellectually inclined, constantly seeking to expand their knowledge and understanding of the world around them. They are playful and curious by nature, approaching life with a sense of wonder and exploration. Their energy is expressed through communication and expression, as they excel in articulating their thoughts and ideas. They have a natural gift for language and may find success in fields such as writing, teaching, or public speaking. Despite their playful demeanor, they are still very serious about their pursuits, driven by a deep-seated desire for personal growth and self-improvement. Natives of this pada tend to be peaceful and honorable, seeking harmony and balance in their interactions with others. However, their mercurial nature can sometimes manifest as manipulation or deceit, particularly when they perceive it necessary to achieve their goals. Nonetheless, they are skilled at navigating social situations and may possess a knack for making money through their cleverness and resourcefulness. In terms of appearance, individuals of this pada may have gaunt lower cheeks, high cheekbones, a narrow and defined jawline, and a medium stature. These physical characteristics complement their sharp wit and agile minds, making them engaging in social settings.
4th – The fourth pada of Purva Bhadrapada is ruled by the Moon in Cancer Navamsa. This is the most spiritually advanced of all the padas and tends to be among the most intense. At this stage, individuals born under this pada have either undergone profound inner transformation, shedding their attachment to worldly desires and material gains for the sake of aligning with the cosmic order, or they have fallen for the empty temptations of material life, leading them to a deeper state of moral decay. This pada in the sequence of this nakshatra symbolizes the finalization of death, and just like when we die, the impact of our lives can no longer be altered. You are called to surrender all you have acquired to the purifying flames of the spiritual fire, relinquishing personal benefit for the greater good, and if you fail, your soul will be lost to another cycle of rebirth. This represents the height of the nakshatra's power to manifest, it can come to be either an uplifting force for individuals and humanity as a whole, or as a potentially dangerous influence. Those born under this pada are deeply engaged in their own spiritual pursuits, usually guided by a sense of purpose and higher calling. They possess an innate magnetism and power that exerts influence over others and the world around them. Despite the intensity of their spiritual journey, individuals of this pada tend to enjoy good longevity and robust health, thanks to their deep connection with the cosmic energies. They are often perceived charismatic individuals, drawing others to them with their presence. However, their innate power comes with a responsibility to wield it wisely, as they hold the potential to bring about significant positive change or destruction, depending on how they choose to channel it.
Caste
Purva Bhadrapada belongs to the Brahmin or priestly/scholarly caste. This classification is based on the inherent qualities and tendencies of individuals born under this nakshatra, rather than their family lineage, as seen in contemporary caste systems. In Vedic astrology and Hindu tradition, each nakshatra is associated with as caste, thereby linking them to specific attributes, occupations, and societal roles. Brahmin is positioned as the highest caste and is given the most power and responsibility, both socially and spiritually. In classical texts, the Brahmin caste is exalted for its dedication to scholarship, spirituality, and moral rectitude. Brahmins are depicted as the keepers of sacred knowledge, entrusted with the preservation and dissemination of ancient scriptures and teachings. They are revered for their intellectual prowess, philosophical insights, and commitment to upholding the highest ethical standards. Brahmins are expected to lead lives of austerity, simplicity, and self-discipline, setting examples of virtue and righteousness for society. Additionally, they play important roles in leading religious rituals, ceremonies, and spiritual practices, acting as intermediaries between individuals and the divine. Their contributions also extend beyond religious and intellectual realms though, as they also provide guidance, counseling, and healing to individuals and communities. Overall, Brahmins are portrayed as paragons of virtue, wisdom, and enlightenment, embodying the highest ideals of human excellence and divine knowledge as described in classical texts, acting as oases of wisdom by guiding society not only in matters of spirituality but also in areas such as literature, philosophy, and science. Their primary occupations are mostly associated with administration of all sectors of society, teaching, healing, and providing spiritual guidance. Its intersection with Aquarius Rashi on the ecliptic plane may also relate it to Kshatriya and Shudra.
Gunas
The nakshatras each represent the different gunas at different levels of functioning. For this asterism, it might be confusing to find out that, despite all of its negative connotations, it is associated primarily with Sattva or purity/balance. This mainly stems from this Nakshatra's capacity for penance, spiritualism, and generosity. Overall, Purva Bhadrapada is associated with two levels of Sattva and one of Rajas. Sattva prevails at the physical and mental levels, while Rajas predominates at the spiritual level. At the physical level, individuals born under Purva Bhadrapada exhibit qualities of purity, harmony, and balance. They are often composed, grounded, and possess a sense of stability in their physical endeavors. Mentally, they tend to exhibit clarity, wisdom, and a penchant for introspection when they are only focused on engaging their rational mind. This can get muddy when they try to incorporate less tangible aspects into their thinking though. At the spiritual level, the influence of Rajas emerges, driving them towards spiritual growth and evolution but also threatening them with the struggle of inner turmoil. With Rajas at the most personal level of the spirit, this can cause a onstant seeking pf external validation and gratification, which leads to things such as constantly chasing after fleeting desires and pleasures from their lack of contentment. Additionally, the intense drive associated with Rajas may result in overexertion, burnout, and a disregard for self-care. It can lead to an inflated ego, arrogance, and a tendency towards manipulative or self-serving behavior. Therefore, while Rajas can propel individuals towards spiritual evolution, it also poses challenges that need to be navigated with mindfulness and self-awareness. Together with the heavy influence of Sattva, Rajas in this nakshatra creates a spiritual restlessness that works to propel these natives to actively engage in spiritual practices, seeking to transcend worldly limitations and attain spiritual liberation. It comes with risk, but this is a necessary trial.
Gana
Purva Bhadrapada Nakshatra falls under the category of Manushya Gana, or "human/mixed species." This designation speaks to the inherent qualities and tendencies of individuals born under this nakshatra, aligning them with human characteristics and behaviors. People belonging to the Manushya Gana Nakshatras, including Purva Bhadrapada, place value on their self-worth and esteem. They often enjoy good physical attributes and are blessed with fortune, leading comfortable lives. With warm and friendly personalities, they exhibit care and affection towards their family, friends, and loved ones, readily offering assistance to those in need. However, they also prioritize their own interests and benefits. They are known for their warm and caring nature, and while they may appear busy if approached, they are capable of balancing their personal and professional lives effectively. The path of those born under Manushya Gana nakshatras is undefined. They possess the potential to exhibit both positive and negative qualities, akin to the diverse nature of humanity itself. They have the potential to be even more evil than the Rakshas and even more good than the Devas. While some may lean towards acts of kindness and generosity, others may display tendencies that are less altruistic. This blend of qualities makes them a complex combination qualities you might see for the Deva and Rakshasa Ganas. Keep in mind that you should look at the dominant Gana in your chart to gain a better understanding of how this may apply to you.
Thank you for taking the time to read this if you did. I will have to continue this in a third part because I'm out of room on this post. Afterwards, I will be starting on Shravana Nakshatra soon, and then later on Anuradha.
submitted by Agreeable-Ad4806 to Advancedastrology [link] [comments]
This took a super long time to finish, but I've finally reached a point where I think I'm done trying to improve it. This part will focus more on how Purva Bhadrapada manifests for individuals.
Nature
Purva Bhadrapada reminds me a lot of Kali Yuga. In Hindu cosmology, Kali is the final of the four ages that the world goes through as part of a continuous cycle of creation, maintenance, and dissolution. It is the final stage before the onset of a new cycle, promising the destruction of the old order and the eventual merging of all into a unified whole. It signifies a time of dual balance before dissolution of individual identities and the reunification of all existence with the divine source. This can be viewed as being similar to the process of individual death, but it is on a universal scale. Kali Yuga is considered the age of darkness and moral decline, where spiritual values deteriorate and materialism prevails. According to Hindu scriptures, Kali Yuga is characterized by widespread social, political, and moral corruption, as well as a decline in virtue and Dharma (righteousness). It is believed that, during this age, human beings face numerous challenges and spiritual tests, and the pursuit of higher consciousness becomes increasingly more difficult compared to the previous Yugas. Just as Kali Yuga tests individuals with challenges to their spiritual resolve amidst the prevailing degeneration of values, Purva Bhadrapada is a cosmic stage where one's truest nature is tested through the weakening separation of the spiritual and the material. Here, individuals are made to confront their deepest fears and desires, burdened with the challenge of facing their true nature and purifying their souls. The emphasis of this nakshatra lies in releasing attachments amidst the seduction of outer freedom and power, mirroring the spiritual trials inherent to Kali Yuga. Yet, despite challenges of degeneration, there exists a unique opportunity during the stages of both Kali and Purva Bhadrapada. Kali is believed to be the best time for spiritual progress and true liberation because individuals can attain spiritual growth more rapidly due to the intensity of the challenges they face during this period, and the same is true of Purva Bhadrapada nakshatra. Both Kali and Purva Bhadrapada emphasize the importance of transcending mundane concerns and dedicatedly seeking spiritual truth amidst the backdrop of pervading ignorance.
The primary nature of Purva Bhadrapada is that of penance and disequilibrium. Purva Bhadrapada is the stage of evolution where individuals are made to undergo intense internal transformation and dissolution, shedding layers of their being in preparation for spiritual renewal and divine return. This process of metamorphosis can be seen as a type of penance, whether embraced willingly or thrust upon them. It offers eventual rewards as they journey towards enlightenment. As the primary nature of Purva Bhadrapada revolves around penance and transformation, individuals heavily influenced by this Nakshatra are oriented towards personal introspection and societal purification, viewing their lives as both a personal quest for growth and an opportunity to contribute to something greater. Individually, they seek to cleanse themselves of past transgressions and strive for spiritual redemption, and they feel personally responsible for their impact on others. At a broader societal level, they are driven by a strong sense of justice and a duty to rectify societal wrongs of the past and present in order to contribute to the collective upliftment and purification of their community. As such, they often subject themselves and others to extreme physical, mental, and spiritual challenges. They are presented with a kind of spiritual trial of sacrifice: either they can willingly embrace self-denial and endure while remaining detached, or they can create so much desire and fear that it causes them to lose the direction of their souls in the process. While the primary manifestation of Purva Bhadrapada energy is inwardly focused on cultivating self-discipline and perfection, oftentimes to an unhealthy degree, sometimes the focus can instead shift outward. This is where Purva Bhadrapada gains a lot of its infamy; Purva Bhadrapada is revered as one of the most "difficult" and "intense" nakshatras among Vedic astrologers. It is an asterism that gets approached with trepidation due to its somber imagery and associations with themes of violence, debauchery, and malevolence. The negative traits linked to Purva Bhadrapada, such as paranoia, pessimism, and hedonism, contribute to its daunting reputation. And for the most part, the fear of this nakshatra is justified. Not only are these individuals capable of doling out punishment themselves through various means like violence, manipulation, curses, etc., but they can also inadvertently bring out the self-destructive or uncontrolled nature of others. They are the types to cause deep introspection and confrontation with one's own shortcomings and fears, often acting as catalysts for irreversible transformation of character.
In terms of Purva Bhadrapada's inherently unbalanced nature, the trajectory is quite clear. These natives are not the type to do anything in moderation and often have an unstable demeanor and sense of self. They will always be pulled towards the polar extremes of anything, but they can flip on their values rapidly following any transformative event. They may occupy the deepest levels of material saturation, completely lost in chasing fame, drugs, sex, and uncontained immoral activities. Yet, paradoxically, they can also find themselves drawn to the heights of spiritual austerity, sometimes even at the same time they are trying to maximize their material standing. This innate propensity for extremes and contradiction manifests in every aspect of their lives, from their relationships, to their goals, to their beliefs, and to their actions. They are esteemed for their amiable disposition, characterized by warmth, thoughtfulness, and a selfless inclination to assist others without seeking acknowledgment. Yet, concurrently, they are often perceived as self-serving, prone to bouts of ill temper, and housing a proclivity towards ego-centricity. Despite appearing outwardly normal a lot of the time, they can be very eccentric. They are the types to lead clandestine lives, harboring secrets and maintaining hidden facets of their personalities and activities, even to those closest to them. This can make them seem nefarious and untrustworthy. Sometimes this is the case, but despite having a reputation for deceit, many of them are known to be sincere and honorable. Yet, underlying however they are being perceived is a deeper struggle to fully identify with anything. This challenge leads to inner conflicts and uncertainties, as they grapple with their sense of self and their place in the world. They are up and down, left and right, constantly in a state of internal conflict that leaves them questioning who they really are. They can feel like they don't know themselves while still being hyper-individualistic and defensive over whatever their current sense of identity is, even though it is likely to change. These contradictions reveal the complexity of their psyche, where outer appearances often mask inner conflicts and contradictory emotions and experiences. Purva Bhadrapada natives navigate the space where boundaries are starting to blur, reflecting the burgeoning singularity of existence in their minds. Due to this, sometimes they can seem like walking contradictions, embodying multiple clashing characteristics at once. For example, while they may harbor a sense of superiority over others, they can also experience deep-seated insecurity and jealousy. They can like to be critical, but cannot handle criticism. Additionally, they might demonstrate a strong desire for independence and self-reliance, yet simultaneously crave validation and approval from those around them. These conflicting traits contribute to their complex and enigmatic nature, making them intriguing yet challenging individuals to understand to others and themselves.
Purva Bhadrapada's inclination towards extremes extends to their pursuit of goals, as they approach certain tasks with unwavering ambition and dedication. They set high standards and are willing to push themselves to extreme limits to get what they want. This relentless drive for perfection and attainment can sometimes lead them to engage in behaviors that are harmful to the well-being of themselves or others, as they struggle to find balance and moderation. At this point, you may be asking, "how is that penance if they are only striving to selfishly get what they want?" Well, the painful truth about this is that they do not really want these things. They are told by others ignorant to their situation that they will be happy when they achieve some kind of abstruse goal set forth for them by society, and they are sent on a goose-chase of material ambition to achieve happiness, but this inevitably only leads to further dissatisfaction. They are met with pain, humiliation, and harsh transformation, but they keep pushing towards their aspiration of material fulfillment. It is only when they get that job, marry that partner, become famous, etc. that they realize it does not bring them happiness or fill them with the sense of purpose they crave. In fact, this realization often leads to intense anger as they confront the worthlessness of what they spent all their time chasing. The journey through Purva Bhadrapada is undeniably arduous, but that is to be expected with such a potent force. They are called to transcend their attachments, lest they be forcefully ripped away. They begin to grapple with an inescapable emptiness they feel when interacting with the world, and this can often lead them to deep feelings of nihilism. Purva Bhadrapada natives are predisposed to being unhappy, and this is not a shallow kind of unhappiness that fades based on external circumstances. Rather, it is a deeply existential depression– a feeling of confused worthlessness and dissatisfaction they often battle with for the duration of their lives. Their experiences and attachments become increasingly burdensome as they grow more aware of the fleeting nature of life. These natives will openly acknowledge the impermanence of worldly intentions, and while this can be both good or bad, it ultimately makes their minds unpredictable and unstable. With the recognition that nothing lasts forever, a new philosophy can be used to justify any action according to moral relativism. If nothing matters in the grand scheme – where whatever you do will eventually fade into obscurity, wiped away with the start of a new cycle – then anything you do doesn’t really matter in the end. This gives these natives a sense of untouchability, a feeling to do whatever they please at their most uninhibited. And it is in this stage of recognizing one’s freedom to do whatever they want is that the test to discern their one’s nature begins. When there is total freedom, the only real concern becomes about what one chooses to do with their freedom. After all, the only harm that can come from doing what you want is ultimately the result of wanting to do something harmful. Sadly, the reality is that most people are not strong enough to fully resist the temptation of evil and would fail this test. It is for this reason that this trial is exclusively administered to individuals who possess a high level of spiritual advancement found under Purva Bhadrapda. Regardless of the difficulties they face, those governed by Purva Bhadrapada have tremendous inner strength and personal resilience, which often manifests in worldly and spiritual achievement and prosperity in various facets of their lives.
Individuals born under the influence of the Purva Bhadrapada Nakshatra are inherently inclined towards detachment from external influences. This detachment often leads them down two distinct paths. Some choose to embrace a life unbound by societal norms, driven solely by their inner convictions. These individuals seek to experience life to the fullest, embracing both its joys and challenges. However, if they feel unfulfilled, they may turn to darker pursuits in search of excitement. Conversely, others utilize their detachment for spiritual advancement, renouncing materialism in favor of a disciplined quest for higher truths. In both cases, detachment becomes a defining trait, shaping their lives in divergent yet meaningful ways. Whether they become revolutionary leaders or appear lazy due to their selective motivation, their actions are stirred only by what truly invigorates their souls. Their inner character often changes with time. They can start out seeming quite innocent and fragile, and a lot of the time they will have something about them that invites torment, be it their big and eccentric personalities, their height, their weight, their looks, etc. This often leads people to perceive them as different and vulnerable. Unfortunately, this vulnerability often attracts individuals who seek to exploit, victimize, or corrupt them. There's a noticeable pattern of others attempting to take advantage of their perceived weakness, whether it be through just trying to make them feel bad, manipulating them, coercing them to do things they do not want to, or forcing them to be alone by treating them as outcasts. This predatory behavior can leave these individuals feeling isolated, betrayed, and miserable, further fueling their inner turmoil and sense of disillusionment with the world around them. However, this also serves to strengthen them. During the course of their lives, they will experience a series of external transformations that will change who they are. While their soft and innocent demeanor may still be present in some ways, there will be a new darker side to their nature. The inner transformations that Purva Bhadrapada natives undergo change them into stronger, more hardened versions of themselves. This alteration can manifest in tendencies towards violence, aggression, deceit, manipulation, etc., yet at the same time, it also equips them with the strength and capability to protect others when needed. As they navigate the complexities of life, they become formidable forces, possessing the resilience and detachment to confront challenges head-on along with the capacity to wield their strength for both good and evil.
Purva Bhadrapada natives exhibit a curious mix of flippancy and seriousness, often displaying a casual attitude towards many topics yet simultaneously exuding an air of solemnity in regards to topics concerning things like philosophical and existential inquiries. They possess a keen intellect characterized by innovation and depth of gnosis, which lends to their excellence in fields like science and research. Additionally, they are known to have an insatiable thirst for knowledge and information gathering brought about by a powerful yearning for deeper truth. While they may have a religious inclination, their focus lies more on unraveling the essence of spirituality rather than adhering rigidly to dogma. As a result of their approach to religion, they can sometimes be critical of conventional religious practices, which rely heavily on dogmatic rules and rituals. These natives are generally liberal and disdain hypocrisy as well as superficiality, valuing authenticity and depth in both thought and action, regardless of how much it clashes with anything else. Despite their show of outward confidence, they often wrestle with inner self-doubt and a crippling fear of failure, which leaves little room for optimism when they are faced with setbacks. While they typically prefer to be alone, they may inadvertently rely on others when seeking to escape the monotony of their everyday lives. This can make them seem unreliable or inconsistent when it comes to their relationships. They are driven by an innate desire to transcend mediocrity and to be perceived as exceptional. This drive for superior distinction stems from underlying feelings of insecurity and a fear of judgment, compelling them to constantly push the boundaries and strive for success through originality in all aspects of their lives. In their personal relationships, Purva Bhadrapada natives may struggle to balance their need for independence with their desire for connection. Generally, in their interactions with others, Purva Bhadrapada natives are intense yet detached. Despite their desire for authenticity and closeness in relationships, they may struggle to express their openly, fearing rejection or misunderstanding. This internal conflict between their need for connection and their fear of vulnerability can create barriers to intimacy, causing them to retreat through self-imposed isolation. Additionally, their critical nature and high standards can sometimes alienate others, as they can come across as overly judgmental or demanding of their fitness, partners, colleagues, etc. They value depth and sincerity in relationships, but sometimes it can be too much to where they end up pushing others away with their intensity. Despite these challenges, they are still often very empathetic and understanding, and they can offer support to people when needed.
Before I get into the padas, I want to give some examples. I do not want to go into much detail or take up too much time with this, but given the very complicated nature of this nakshatra, I feel that it is necessary to provide media representations for people to look into if they are interested in knowing more about how it manifests: Martin Scorsese PB Moon and Andrew Garfield PB ASC (Silence Official Trailer (2016) - Paramount Pictures), Billie Eilish PB ASC (Billie Eilish - bury a friend (Official Music Video)), Jack Black PB Moon (School of Rock (2003) Trailer #1 Movieclips Classic Trailers), Dylan O'brien PB Moon (AMERICAN ASSASSIN - Official Trailer - HD (Dylan O'Brien, Michael Keaton), Logan-Marshall Green (Upgrade Trailer #1 (2018) Movieclips Trailers), Paul Walker PB Moon (Hours TRAILER (2013) - Paul Walker Movie HD), Bill Skarsgard PB Moon (The Crow - Official Trailer (2024) Bill Skarsgård, FKA twigs, Danny Huston), Olivia Wilde PB Sun (A VIGILANTE Official HD International Trailer Starring Olivia Wilde) & (The Lazarus Effect Official Trailer #1 (2015) - Olivia Wilde, Mark Duplass Movie HD), John Stamos PB ASC (John Stamos Stars in "Secrets of Eden" Lifetime), Hozier PB Sun (the lyrics and imagery of this video are extremely Purva Bhadrapada) Hozier - Take Me To Church), Kaya Scoledario PB Sun (Spinning Out Official Trailer Netflix), Ryan Gosling PB ASC (THE FALL GUY Official Trailer 2 (Universal Studios) - HD), Camila Mendes PB Moon (Do Revenge Official Trailer Netflix), Bryan Cranston PB Sun (Breaking Bad Trailer), Sabrina Carpenter PB Moon and Milo Manheim PB Sun (Sabrina Carpenter - Feather (Official Video) Alexandra Daddario PB Sun (Anne Rice's Mayfair Witches Trailer: Starring Alexandra Daddario AMC+), Jacob Elordi PB Moon (2 HEARTS Official Trailer (2020) Jacob Elordi, Tiera Skovbye), Tom Blyth PB Moon (Billy The Kid (EPIX 2022 Series) Official Trailer), Daniel Gillies PB Sun (COMING HOME IN THE DARK Trailer (2021) Daniel Gillies Suspense Thriller Movie), Matthew Gray Gubler PB Sun (KING KNIGHT Trailer (2022) Angela Sarafyan, Matthew Gray Gubler), Jon Hamm (Corner Office (2023) Official Trailer - Jon Hamm, Danny Pudi, Sarah Gadon), Rachel Weisz PB Sun + Moon and Sam Claflin PB Moon (MY COUSIN RACHEL Official Trailer FOX Searchlight), Chris Pine PB Moon (Jack Reacher Movie Trailer), Madison Beer PB Sun (Madison Beer - Make You Mine (Official Music Video), Sharon Stone PB Sun (Basic Instinct - Trailer (1080p)), and Michael Jackson PB Moon (Michael Jackson - Thriller (Official 4K Video).
Padas
(mostly for Moon) They all tend to be skinny to middle weight until they get older, where they either become more muscular or plump/curvy.
1st – The first pada of Purva Bhadrapada, falling in the Aries Navamsa, signifies a stage of primal energy and raw ambition. With Mars as their guiding force, they exhibit a relentless drive to achieve their goals, refusing to be deterred by obstacles or setbacks. However, being the initial pada of the nakshatra just leaving the stage of Shatabhisha, this quarter is the least spiritually developed. While they may possess great worldly ambition and the capacity for success, they may also be prone to ego-driven actions and an overly narrow focus on material pursuits. They can get into occultism or spirituality, but it is usually an attempt to further themselves in the material realm. Natives born under this pada possess a combative nature, always ready to engage in confrontations to defend their beliefs or assert their dominance. They tend to be more mentally aggressive than physically, but nonetheless their volatile temperament can lead to physical disputes as well when they are provoked enough. They know they can be very damaging when they lose control, so they will do everything in their power to prevent escalation. Ironically, this can make them seem passive. They typically exhibit anxious tendencies while attempting to conceal or downplay their feelings of worry. Natives of this pada are extremely passionate, but they have a tendency to constantly compare themselves to others, which ultimately can lead them to disregard their efforts to focus on surpassing someone else's. This propensity of theirs for aggression, envy, and competitiveness can strain relationships and hinder their personal growth, as they become consumed by their own desires for dominance and validation. They are usually medium tall with a wide forehead and low eyebrows.
2nd – The second pada of Purva Bhadrapada, ruled by Venus in the Taurus Navamsa, embodies a stage of sensual indulgence and creative expression. Individuals born under this pada are drawn to the occult and mysteries of the unseen, often delving into practices such as astrology and black magic. There is a bit of detachment from the mysticism of it at this stage though. They may prefer to look at it through a scientific or philosophical perspective as opposed to one that embraces faith in the divine. While their interest in these esoteric realms may lead to proficiency in such arts, it also heightens their propensity to lose track of their life's direction, becoming absorbed in the pursuit of hidden knowledge and power. Natives of this pada are characterized by their attractive physique, with beautiful broad teeth and strikingly captivating eyes that draw others to them. They possess an innate charm that makes them highly appealing to the opposite sex, and they are not hesitant to indulge in their darker desires and fantasies. Their creativity knows no bounds, as they constantly innovate and explore new avenues of expression. However, despite their magnetic allure and creative flair, individuals of this pada are prone to indulgence and excess, particularly when it comes to satisfying their sensual appetites. Their pursuit of pleasure and gratification can sometimes lead them astray, causing them to lose sight of their responsibilities and priorities. This stage of Purva Bhadrapada is more spiritually evolved than the prior, but it is still in the accumulation phase of Aquarius and the 11th house. Despite their outward charm, they may struggle to find stability and balance in their lives. They are prone to accidents.
3rd – The third pada of Purva Bhadrapada falls in the Gemini Navamsa and is ruled by Mercury. Natives born under this pada embody the mental side of Purva Bhadrapada, which is very focused on cultivating critical reasoning and gathering information, emphasizing communication, learning, and adaptability. Individuals born under this pada are intellectually inclined, constantly seeking to expand their knowledge and understanding of the world around them. They are playful and curious by nature, approaching life with a sense of wonder and exploration. Their energy is expressed through communication and expression, as they excel in articulating their thoughts and ideas. They have a natural gift for language and may find success in fields such as writing, teaching, or public speaking. Despite their playful demeanor, they are still very serious about their pursuits, driven by a deep-seated desire for personal growth and self-improvement. Natives of this pada tend to be peaceful and honorable, seeking harmony and balance in their interactions with others. However, their mercurial nature can sometimes manifest as manipulation or deceit, particularly when they perceive it necessary to achieve their goals. Nonetheless, they are skilled at navigating social situations and may possess a knack for making money through their cleverness and resourcefulness. In terms of appearance, individuals of this pada may have gaunt lower cheeks, high cheekbones, a narrow and defined jawline, and a medium stature. These physical characteristics complement their sharp wit and agile minds, making them engaging in social settings.
4th – The fourth pada of Purva Bhadrapada is ruled by the Moon in Cancer Navamsa. This is the most spiritually advanced of all the padas and tends to be among the most intense. At this stage, individuals born under this pada have either undergone profound inner transformation, shedding their attachment to worldly desires and material gains for the sake of aligning with the cosmic order, or they have fallen for the empty temptations of material life, leading them to a deeper state of moral decay. This pada in the sequence of this nakshatra symbolizes the finalization of death, and just like when we die, the impact of our lives can no longer be altered. You are called to surrender all you have acquired to the purifying flames of the spiritual fire, relinquishing personal benefit for the greater good, and if you fail, your soul will be lost to another cycle of rebirth. This represents the height of the nakshatra's power to manifest, it can come to be either an uplifting force for individuals and humanity as a whole, or as a potentially dangerous influence. Those born under this pada are deeply engaged in their own spiritual pursuits, usually guided by a sense of purpose and higher calling. They possess an innate magnetism and power that exerts influence over others and the world around them. Despite the intensity of their spiritual journey, individuals of this pada tend to enjoy good longevity and robust health, thanks to their deep connection with the cosmic energies. They are often perceived charismatic individuals, drawing others to them with their presence. However, their innate power comes with a responsibility to wield it wisely, as they hold the potential to bring about significant positive change or destruction, depending on how they choose to channel it.
Caste
Purva Bhadrapada belongs to the Brahmin or priestly/scholarly caste. This classification is based on the inherent qualities and tendencies of individuals born under this nakshatra, rather than their family lineage, as seen in contemporary caste systems. In Vedic astrology and Hindu tradition, each nakshatra is associated with as caste, thereby linking them to specific attributes, occupations, and societal roles. Brahmin is positioned as the highest caste and is given the most power and responsibility, both socially and spiritually. In classical texts, the Brahmin caste is exalted for its dedication to scholarship, spirituality, and moral rectitude. Brahmins are depicted as the keepers of sacred knowledge, entrusted with the preservation and dissemination of ancient scriptures and teachings. They are revered for their intellectual prowess, philosophical insights, and commitment to upholding the highest ethical standards. Brahmins are expected to lead lives of austerity, simplicity, and self-discipline, setting examples of virtue and righteousness for society. Additionally, they play important roles in leading religious rituals, ceremonies, and spiritual practices, acting as intermediaries between individuals and the divine. Their contributions also extend beyond religious and intellectual realms though, as they also provide guidance, counseling, and healing to individuals and communities. Overall, Brahmins are portrayed as paragons of virtue, wisdom, and enlightenment, embodying the highest ideals of human excellence and divine knowledge as described in classical texts, acting as oases of wisdom by guiding society not only in matters of spirituality but also in areas such as literature, philosophy, and science. Their primary occupations are mostly associated with administration of all sectors of society, teaching, healing, and providing spiritual guidance. Its intersection with Aquarius Rashi on the ecliptic plane may also relate it to Kshatriya and Shudra.
Gunas
The nakshatras each represent the different gunas at different levels of functioning. For this asterism, it might be confusing to find out that, despite all of its negative connotations, it is associated primarily with Sattva or purity/balance. This mainly stems from this Nakshatra's capacity for penance, spiritualism, and generosity. Overall, Purva Bhadrapada is associated with two levels of Sattva and one of Rajas. Sattva prevails at the physical and mental levels, while Rajas predominates at the spiritual level. At the physical level, individuals born under Purva Bhadrapada exhibit qualities of purity, harmony, and balance. They are often composed, grounded, and possess a sense of stability in their physical endeavors. Mentally, they tend to exhibit clarity, wisdom, and a penchant for introspection when they are only focused on engaging their rational mind. This can get muddy when they try to incorporate less tangible aspects into their thinking though. At the spiritual level, the influence of Rajas emerges, driving them towards spiritual growth and evolution but also threatening them with the struggle of inner turmoil. With Rajas at the most personal level of the spirit, this can cause a onstant seeking pf external validation and gratification, which leads to things such as constantly chasing after fleeting desires and pleasures from their lack of contentment. Additionally, the intense drive associated with Rajas may result in overexertion, burnout, and a disregard for self-care. It can lead to an inflated ego, arrogance, and a tendency towards manipulative or self-serving behavior. Therefore, while Rajas can propel individuals towards spiritual evolution, it also poses challenges that need to be navigated with mindfulness and self-awareness. Together with the heavy influence of Sattva, Rajas in this nakshatra creates a spiritual restlessness that works to propel these natives to actively engage in spiritual practices, seeking to transcend worldly limitations and attain spiritual liberation. It comes with risk, but this is a necessary trial.
Gana
Purva Bhadrapada Nakshatra falls under the category of Manushya Gana, or "human/mixed species." This designation speaks to the inherent qualities and tendencies of individuals born under this nakshatra, aligning them with human characteristics and behaviors. People belonging to the Manushya Gana Nakshatras, including Purva Bhadrapada, place value on their self-worth and esteem. They often enjoy good physical attributes and are blessed with fortune, leading comfortable lives. With warm and friendly personalities, they exhibit care and affection towards their family, friends, and loved ones, readily offering assistance to those in need. However, they also prioritize their own interests and benefits. They are known for their warm and caring nature, and while they may appear busy if approached, they are capable of balancing their personal and professional lives effectively. The path of those born under Manushya Gana nakshatras is undefined. They possess the potential to exhibit both positive and negative qualities, akin to the diverse nature of humanity itself. They have the potential to be even more evil than the Rakshas and even more good than the Devas. While some may lean towards acts of kindness and generosity, others may display tendencies that are less altruistic. This blend of qualities makes them a complex combination qualities you might see for the Deva and Rakshasa Ganas. Keep in mind that you should look at the dominant Gana in your chart to gain a better understanding of how this may apply to you.
Thank you for taking the time to read this if you did. I will have to continue this in a third part because I'm out of room on this post. Afterwards, I will be starting on Shravana Nakshatra soon, and then later on Anuradha.
2024.05.16 09:05 ethetician Any success stories?
Any fathers who can share their success stories despite the challenges of paying child support, not having the child full-time anymore, and overcoming adversity after losing it all? Currently 30 y/o and feel defeated.
She has a new child, a man in the house helping with bills, and I'm struggling to survive and catching up on arrears.
I don't know how I can do this another 10 years
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She has a new child, a man in the house helping with bills, and I'm struggling to survive and catching up on arrears.
I don't know how I can do this another 10 years
2024.05.16 07:24 Glittering_Layer_602 I need some assistance
I need to get more bloodwork done to get more meds. I am a super private person when it comes to my transitioning. Paranoid actually. My doctors office uses Lab corp and insists on sending me a paper bill.
My doctor suggests getting a P.O. Box. Soooo new problem/fear. Does the post office send paper bills to the house?
What’s next?
submitted by Glittering_Layer_602 to TransLater [link] [comments]
My doctor suggests getting a P.O. Box. Soooo new problem/fear. Does the post office send paper bills to the house?
What’s next?
2024.05.16 04:32 Western_Cake5482 May batas po ba tayo na pwedeng tumulong sa mga taong binibigyan ng pangit na serbisyo?
May batas po ba tayo na pwedeng tumulong sa mga taong binibigyan ng pangit na serbisyo?
Or baka may kilala kayong pwedeng tumulong sakin?
Nakabili kami ng bahay sa Lumina. Primewater ang provider ng tubig. Di kami nakatira doon dahil ginagawa pa ang loob. Around 400 pesos per month ang binabayaran, minimum. Kahit walang usage.
Then from 50 the previous reading naging 220 out of nowhere!
From minimum naging 6k ang bill namin. Walang leak, walang tao, may cctv walang gumagamit ng tubig.
Di ko alam kung anong pwede kong gawin.
Dami ding nag rereklamo sa Primewater, laging walang tulo o kaya laging kalawang ang tubig.
submitted by Western_Cake5482 to Philippines [link] [comments]
Or baka may kilala kayong pwedeng tumulong sakin?
Nakabili kami ng bahay sa Lumina. Primewater ang provider ng tubig. Di kami nakatira doon dahil ginagawa pa ang loob. Around 400 pesos per month ang binabayaran, minimum. Kahit walang usage.
Then from 50 the previous reading naging 220 out of nowhere!
From minimum naging 6k ang bill namin. Walang leak, walang tao, may cctv walang gumagamit ng tubig.
Di ko alam kung anong pwede kong gawin.
Dami ding nag rereklamo sa Primewater, laging walang tulo o kaya laging kalawang ang tubig.
2024.05.16 04:10 SonOfScungilliMan 38F - looking for fellow weirdos to share memes, cat pictures, fashion obsessions, horror, history and more
Okay so. Hi. I’ve posted on these types of subreddits on and off for a minute and the results have been pretty good. Truth be told I’ve met some of my bestest pals online and I love knowing I’m like a click away from someone I can chat with. I love sending and receiving snail mail but maybe we can start with some chats and see how that goes and maybe move to Snapchat or something idk.
Anyways. Me. Well, I’m 38, from BC, Canada close to Vancouver. I work as a clinician in healthcare and have worked in healthcare for 14 years. Previous to that I got my BA in English. I’m a published writer and poet - nothing crazy like novels but a few short stories and articles here and there. I’m also an avid photographer and got my start on the high school yearbook where I was free to be the weird girl dressed in all black lugging around a camera.
On the subject of black clothes, I consider myself a recovering goth. I’d probably fit in with an alternative label but I don’t truthfully see myself that way anymore. I’ve got tattoos but so does just about everyone now a days so whatever - I don’t feel they’re particularly interesting. Same thing with piercings etc
I’ve had people say I’m death obsessed and maybe that’s true. I’ve seen a lotta people die and I think about it a lot. I’m very interested in antiques and vintage items and consider a hobby of mine to be thrifting and I’m on a first name basis with the ladies at a few thrift shops. I’m definitely an aesthete. I love home decor and fashion. I make a lot of clothing and other items. I definitely have a “how hard can it be attitude?”
I’m into animals and have two cats who are useless shitbags who probably should get jobs but they haven’t yet so I’m stuck paying the bills.
I own my own home, I don’t drink any alcohol and haven’t for something like 12 years now. I don’t use any substances recreational or otherwise. If I’m feeling wild and out of control I might share a menthol cigarette with a friend outside a dive bar just for the drama of it all.
I’m an Aquarius, INTJ, if any of that is meaningful to you.
I go through phases and hyperfixations, and some current ones are:
On and btw, I’m attaching a selfie idk
me on some Flannery o‘Connor shit
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Anyways. Me. Well, I’m 38, from BC, Canada close to Vancouver. I work as a clinician in healthcare and have worked in healthcare for 14 years. Previous to that I got my BA in English. I’m a published writer and poet - nothing crazy like novels but a few short stories and articles here and there. I’m also an avid photographer and got my start on the high school yearbook where I was free to be the weird girl dressed in all black lugging around a camera.
On the subject of black clothes, I consider myself a recovering goth. I’d probably fit in with an alternative label but I don’t truthfully see myself that way anymore. I’ve got tattoos but so does just about everyone now a days so whatever - I don’t feel they’re particularly interesting. Same thing with piercings etc
I’ve had people say I’m death obsessed and maybe that’s true. I’ve seen a lotta people die and I think about it a lot. I’m very interested in antiques and vintage items and consider a hobby of mine to be thrifting and I’m on a first name basis with the ladies at a few thrift shops. I’m definitely an aesthete. I love home decor and fashion. I make a lot of clothing and other items. I definitely have a “how hard can it be attitude?”
I’m into animals and have two cats who are useless shitbags who probably should get jobs but they haven’t yet so I’m stuck paying the bills.
I own my own home, I don’t drink any alcohol and haven’t for something like 12 years now. I don’t use any substances recreational or otherwise. If I’m feeling wild and out of control I might share a menthol cigarette with a friend outside a dive bar just for the drama of it all.
I’m an Aquarius, INTJ, if any of that is meaningful to you.
I go through phases and hyperfixations, and some current ones are:
- High altitude mountaineering. Not that I’d ever do this myself but I love reading about and listening to information about Mt Everest.
- The Chris Watts murder case
- Tudor England
- 1700s France
- Olive Oatman
- How dementia is addressed across cultures
- Why Tom Hiddleston looks like a sickly Victorian chimney sweep
On and btw, I’m attaching a selfie idk
me on some Flannery o‘Connor shit
2024.05.16 03:48 StoryTimeReddit1 Descubrí Que Mi Esposa Que Superó El Cáncer Me Engaño Hace Años Me Divorcio Y Ahora Tengo Una Nueva Familia Parte 3
Después de reponerme un poco me puse a ver los mensajes que tenía Olivia y la mayoría eran mensajes sexuales con Daniel y de todas las veces que quedaron para salir y me sorprendi al ver la cantidad de cosas que tenía el iPad guardadas ahora entiendo porque Olivia siempre la cargaba y nunca lo soltaba creo que jamás pensó que yo la fuera a tener y ya que no tenía contraseña eso demostraba lo segura que estaba y también en los mensajes pude ver cómo Olivia compartia todo con su amiga Yuli y podía ver qué Yuli le daba ánimos pero la sorpresa vino para mí cuando pude ver mensaje de mi esposa con mi hija Sara y pude ver cómo Sara lo sabía todo y podía ver cómo Sara le decía a mi esposa que ella era una mujer fuerte y valiente y que podía hacer lo que quisiera, le dijo eso y más cosas feministas olvidé mencionar que mi hija desde los 14 años es una feminista liberal y que cree que todas las mujeres merecen ser liberas ya que están oprimidas por muchas cosas incluido el matrimonio aunque intentamos hablar con ella por mucho tiempo sobre sus ideas al final ella nunca cambio de opinión. Para Cuando vi eso no podía creer que mi hija apoyara a su propia madre en su infidelidad me di cuenta que estaba rodeado de traidores, y supe que nunca miraría a mi hija de la misma forma, cuando finalmente termine de ver todo no tuve tiempo para pensar y rápidamente le envié todo a mi abogado y me respondió diciendo vaya esto es increíble de dónde lo sacaste' esto Ara todo más fácil solo te encargo la prueba de ADN y Cuando El mencionó lo de la prueba me conmocione otra vez porque lo avía olvidado y me hizo darme cuenta que tenía que terminar con Olivia rápido y decidí que si la niña no era mía no la peliaria ni nada y dejaría que Olivia se hiciera Cargo. cuando finalmente volví a Casa no podía ni ver a Olivia a la cara porque aunque mi amor por ella murió tenía muchas ganas de sacarla De Mi casa en rastra y gritarles a todos lo que ella hizo y hacia pasaron 5 días tomultosos en los que apenas le hable a Olivia y aunque ella me preguntaba que pasa yo le decía que tenía problemas en el trabajo y en el quinto día me llegaron los resultados de la prueba de paternidad y sorpresa resulta que no soy el padre de Alexa la compatibilidad es del cero% para ese momento ya estaba tan desconectado mental y emocionalmente de mi familia que esto no me pego tan fuerte como esperaba más bien me sentí aliviado porque sabía que podría expulsar a Olivia más rápido de mi vida, rápidamente le envié la información de mi abogado y dijo que los papeles estarían listos en 10 días y me preguntó que dónde quería que fuera notificada Olivia en el trabajo o en la casa y le dije que me dejara pensarlo y termine la llamada, decidí que me vengaria de Olivia exponiendola en su trabajo haciendo que la despidieran junto con Daniel ya que su Estudio de doblaje era una pequeña división de una gran Estudio que estaba en los angeles y a puesto a qué a esa gran empresa no le gustaría que se manchara su imagen. Decidí también buscar a la esposa de Daniel para que supiera lo que avía pasado entre su esposo y mi esposa recordé que se llamaba Emma porque en una fiesta nos presentaron y me puse a buscarla en las redes sociales después de buscar un tiempo pude dar con ella atraves del perfil de Daniel.
Y no sabía cómo iniciar la conversación ella así que solo le envié por mensaje una foto de Olivia y Daniel besandose y le dije si quieres saber más te veo hoy o mañana en donde tu quieras y ella contesto rápidamente y dijo te veo en restaurante Elegantt a los 8 de la noche, y cuando porfin dieron las 8 yo estaba en el restaurante esperando a Emma y después de un rato vi que una mujer que vestía un vestido rojo que era realmente hermosa se acercó a mi y reconocí que era Emma y me dijo tu Eres el esposo de Olivia y dije si y ella se sentó enfrente de mi y pude ver cómo Emma tenía los ojos rojos por aver llorado y Emma me preguntó con una voz muy quebrada acaban de empezar a hacernos esto verdad y tú los descubriste y yo le contesté no esto ocurrió hace 5 años y Emma dijo que, yo le dije esto ocurrió hace 5 años y su aventura duró un año y le mostré fotos y vídeos de Olivia y Daniel y Emma se puso emocional y se puso a llorar y me pude dar cuenta que incluso llorando se miraba realmente hermosa e indefensa que daban ganas de abrazarla, y Emma dijo entre sollozos pero hace 5 años apenas llevaba un año casada con Daniel como pudo hacerme esto y Emma lloraba más fuerte y decidía que voy hacer no se que hacer no tengo a nadie en esta ciudad que me pueda ayudar y yo la tomé de las manos y le dije aquí estoy si quieres ayuda te la daré y ella me dijo ya no quiero volver con Daniel el me rompío el corazón y entonces le dije te ayudaré a pagar un hotel para que te quedes ahí si quieres y ella dijo porque harías eso por mi yo lo dije porque verte sufrir hace que me duela el corazón y después de un rato de estar en el restaurante el dueño nos dijo que nos fuéramos ya que estábamos muy emocionales e hicimos un escándalo y después de salir de ahí le pregunté a Emma que si quería que la llevara a un hotel y ella dijo entre sollozos que si pero que no esperará tener relaciones con ella porque que ella no era como Daniel que se acuesta con todos yo me reí entre dientes y dije tranquila no te busque para eso y para cuando llegamos al hotel y entramos a la habitación senté a Emma en la cama y le dije hay algo más que debo decirte y ella dijo que puede ser peor que lo que ya me dijiste. Le tuve que contar que Olivia y Daniel tenían una hija y esa información hizo que Emma rompiera a llorar desconsoladamente y Emma decía porque porque me hiciste esto yo te amaba eres muy malo porque me hiciste esto ami, y yo abraze a Emma y le pregunté que te pasa que sucede y Emma dijo entre sollozos apenas pudiendo hablar hace un mes finalmente después de intentarlo mucho tiempo pude quedar embarazada pero Daniel me dijo que abortara ya que no estaba preparado mental y económicamente para un bebé y que un bebé lo estresaria más y que si no abortaba el divorcio era la única opción. Entonces con todo el dolor del mundo aborté a mi bebé pero ahora me dices que tiene un hijo con tu esposa y no me lo Puedo creer siento que me arrancan el corazón, y después de escuchar lo que Daniel hizo hacer a Emma recordé lo que Olivia avía dicho sobré que Daniel la avía buscado hace un mes porque estaba triste por aver perdido asu hijo y me llené de un odió increíble hacia Daniel me di cuenta de que era una gran cobarde y escoria por hacerle esto a una mujer que lo amaba y después de que Emma lloro por más de una hora se empezó a dormir y me dijo por favor no me dejes sola y yo le dije tranquila no iré a ningún lado y entonces Emma se quedó dormida abrazándome y antes de darme cuenta yo también me dormí profundamente ya que desde que empezó todo esto no abia podido dormir bien.
Cuando me desperté me di cuenta de que eran las 7 de la mañana y pude ver qué tenía 20 llamadas perdidas de Olivia pero realmente no me importaba y voltee y vi que Emma estaba sentada en la orilla de la cama y me dijo tu que vas hacer Chris y yo dije le dije voy a expulsar a Olivia de mi vida no importa que ella una niña de por medio y Emma dijo no amas a la niña después de todo tu la criaste y yo le contesté si la amo pero es mejor separarse ahora que aún es pequeña ya que se que nunca la podré ver igual, Emma dijo es triste pero entiendo es mejor salir ahora antes de que aya más daño, Le pregunté a Emma que vas hacer y ella dijo ya no quiero volver a mi casa ya no quiero volver a ver a Daniel entonces yo le dije si quieres yo te puedo ayudar a divorciarte ya tengo un abogado que es muy bueno y Emma dijo me lo puedes presentar y yo le dije yo me encargo y le di mi número a Emma y le dije que después vendría a verla ya que tenía que ir a mi casa y ella dijo no me dejaras sola verdad y yo le dije no podría y entonces salí del hotel y cuando llegue a mi casa vi que todas mis cosas estaban afuera y pensé ahora que y cuando abrí la puerta vi que Sara estaba ahí junto con mis padres y suegros y cuando entre Sara me dió una cachetada y me dijo como te atreves hacerle esto ami madre y entonces yo la tomé de la cabeza jalandola de los pelos y le dije primero no me vuelvas a tocar y según nunca me vuelvas a tocar y la tire al suelo, cuando entre a la sala de star vi que mi Olivia estaba sentada y tenía la cara de que avía estado llorando y mi mamá y suegra estaban alado de ella consolandola y Olivia me dijo dónde estabas porque nos hiciste esto quiero que me contestes y después quiero que tomes tus cosas y te vayas de mi casa y le dije que quieres y entonces Olivia saco su celular y me mostró imágenes mías y de Emma estando en el restaurante y después llendo al hotel, eso hizo que mi suegra y mi madre se lanzarán sobré mi y empezarán a decir me de cosas' mi Madre dijo yo te crie mejor que esto como puedes hacerle esto a tu familia y dijo no te quiero volver a ver esta que de rodillas le pidas perdón a tu esposa y mi padre intentaba calmarla y mi suegra dijo no voy a permitir que te quedes con mi hija después de lo que hiciste y yo le contesté no lo hize por más un año como otros eso hizo que Olivia abriera bien los ojos pero después dijo por qué lo hiciste quien es esa mujer y yo le dije tu la conoces Es Emma La Esposa De Daniel y Olivia apenas pudiendo hablar dijo que tienes que ver tu con ella Y voltee a ver a Olivia y le dije lose todo y Olivia dijo no entiendo que sabes. se que fuiste amante de Daniel hace años por más de un año y Olivia empezó a balbusear y decir espera no lo que sea que te aya dicho Emma te juro que no es cierto te juro que fue solo una vez y entonces saque el iPad y dije reconoces esto, y cuando Olivia vio el iPad hizo un gemido horrible y calló de rodillas llorando y dijo no no no por favor espera Chris puedo explicarlo fue sin querer y yo le dije ahórrate tus explicaciones no me interesan a lo que Olivia contesto te juro que no significo nada y entonces yo contesté pero te aseguro que para Alexa siempre va a significar algo y Olivia dijo de que hablas y yo le dije Alexa no es hija mía es de Daniel y después de decir eso Olivia se desmayó y me sorprendió que nadie intentará atraparla ya que todos tenían las manos en la boca y voltee a ver a sara y le dije se que tú encubriste y apoyaste a tu madre por tu ideología barata me traicionaste ami que siempre te ame pero desde ahora estarás por tu cuenta ya no te pagaré la universidad ni ningún otro gasto más y salí de mi casa mientras todos intentaban entender lo que avía pasado y aprovechando que todas mis cosas estaban afuera las empeze a subir a mi troca mientras todos me veían y cuando ya me iba a ir Olivia por fin se levantó y me gritó te juro Chris que no significo nada yo solo te amo a ti por favor no me dejes, dejarte pero si fuiste tu la que saco mis cosas y eso hizo que Olivia llorará más fuerte y yo le quería contestar algo pero pensé que no valía la pena, y mientras me iba recibí una llamada de mi hijo que decía papá que está ocurriendo mamá dijo qué no nos dejas por otra mujer y yo le dije no es así si quieres te puedo explicar y Stephen dijo está bien te escucho y le conté todo lo que hizo su madre y que su hermana lo sabía todo y entonces Stephen dijo no puedo creer lo que me estás diciendo papá necesito hablar con mi mamá y me colgó y me sentí triste al saber que mi hijo no me creía pero decidí que esto me afectaría y fue entonces cuando recordé lo que me dijo mi jefe sobre si quería ser trasferido y decidí que lo aceptaría así que lo llame pero me acordé de que tenía a Emma en el hotel y fui hacia aya y cuando llegue vi que tenía la cara roja por ever estado llorando y pero cuando me vió intento hacer una sonrisa eso me pareció muy lindo y me preguntó que pasa porque trais tantas cosas en tu troca y le conté lo que sucedió y Emma dijo entonces te vas y yo le contesté si, pero Antes quería hablar de eso contigo, Emma contesto conmigo porque, quería saber si te gustaría venir conmigo y Emma agachó la cabeza y dijo entre sollozos porque harías eso por mi y yo le agarre la cara que era muy Suave y le limpie las lágrimas y le dije porque no podría estar en paz sabiendo que te deje sola eso hizo que Emma abriera mucho sus bellos ojos, y seguí diciendo ven conmigo y yo me encargaré de todo para que Puedas terminar tu matrimonio sin tener que volver a ver a Daniel y Emma dijo está bien iré contigo y cuando Emma acepto venir conmigo nosé porque eso me hizo muy feliz y haci fue como al día siguiente nos mudamos de ciudad y mi empresa nos proporciono un departamento y Emma y yo nos pusimos a descargar y acomodar todo y me sorprendió que el departamento solo tuviera un cuarto pero yo decidí dormir en la sala para no incomodar a Emma unos días después Emma me dijo nerviosamente lo siento no tenía ropa que ponerme así que me puse la tuya y eso me hizo reír ya que se miraba graciosa, Emma era un poco más baja y delgada que Olivia pero también estaba demasiado cuerpuda y cuando caminaba todo rebotaba y cuando eso pasaba y yo intentaba no verla pero no podía y ella también se avergonzaba y después de unos días mi abogado me llamo y me dijo que tus papeles y los de Emma ya estan listos y que dónde quería que los entregará y le dije que yo iría por ellos y se lo entregaría personalmente a Olivia y Daniel y cuando me iba ir le dije a Emma que tenía que volver a nueva York para ponerle fin a nuestro asunto y ella me deseó suerte y me abrazo.
Y cuando llegue a mi casa pude ver qué mis padres y suegros todavía seguían ahi y cuando entre vi que todos se me quedaban viendo y Olivia vino hacia mi rápidamente y pude ver qué no avía dormido Bien y me Dijo porque te quieres divorciarte de mi te juro que lo de Daniel no significo nada, yo le pregunté cómo sabes Que me quiero divorciar de ti y Olivia contesto Rob me lo dijo todo dijo que tú lo buscaste porque te querías divorciar y cuando el te dijo que no tu fuiste con otro abogado y Rob dijo que el me iba a representar, me quedé sorprendido con lo que me dijo Olivia y después me enteré de Rob Acepto Representar a Olivia porque se entró que Bill era mi abogado y en el mundo de los abogados el es un pez gordo y no quería que Olivia sufriera y yo realmente me decepcioné de Rob porque el me avía dicho que no quería escojer bandos, Pero no desenfocandome saque los papeles de divorcio y se los mostré a Olivia y le dije este es un acuerdo de divorcio donde nuestros bienes se dividen a la mitad y yo renuncio por completo a la custodia y derechos de paternidad de Alexa y está también es una orden de restricción para que no te acerques a más de 100 metros de mi y mientras decía todo esto Olivia no dejaba de llorar y decía no puedes hacernos esto eres un bastardo sin corazón como puedes irte así después de 20 Sin Siquiera pelear por nosotros y abandonar Alexa y entonces Olivia cayó sobré mis pies y me dijo por favor dime qué puedo hacer para que me perdones y yo le dije si quieres estar bien conmigo solo firma los papeles y así salí de la casa mientras Olivia lloraba a gritós y me dirijo a la casa de Daniel y cuando Daniel me vió me dijo aquí estás bastardo y me intentó golpear pero yo lo derribe y Daniel se levantó y me dijo dónde está Emma porque se fue contigo y le dije tu porque crees ya lo sabemos todo toma estos papeles y firmarlos y deja a Emma libré y después de que Daniel miro los papeles dijo que es esto porque tengo una demanda de paternidad y le dije acaso no sabías tienes un hijo con Olivia y casi podía ver cómo se le acababa el mundo y el decía no esto no puede ser siempre nos cuidamos y otra cosa está es una demanda por a ver echo que Emma abortara y Daniel dijo no es cierto solo le dije que si no se quería divorciar debía abortar pero jamás la obligue y le dije pues según el estado de nueva York eso es obligar y antes de que Daniel dijera algo más llegaron dos oficiales preguntando por el y el solo se me quedó viendo y me dijo eres un bastardo y yo le dije espero que tengas dinero ahorrado porque le envié varios videos y fotos comprometedoras a tus jefes en el estudio de doblaje y no creo que les guste ver lo que hiciste en el trabajo.
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Y no sabía cómo iniciar la conversación ella así que solo le envié por mensaje una foto de Olivia y Daniel besandose y le dije si quieres saber más te veo hoy o mañana en donde tu quieras y ella contesto rápidamente y dijo te veo en restaurante Elegantt a los 8 de la noche, y cuando porfin dieron las 8 yo estaba en el restaurante esperando a Emma y después de un rato vi que una mujer que vestía un vestido rojo que era realmente hermosa se acercó a mi y reconocí que era Emma y me dijo tu Eres el esposo de Olivia y dije si y ella se sentó enfrente de mi y pude ver cómo Emma tenía los ojos rojos por aver llorado y Emma me preguntó con una voz muy quebrada acaban de empezar a hacernos esto verdad y tú los descubriste y yo le contesté no esto ocurrió hace 5 años y Emma dijo que, yo le dije esto ocurrió hace 5 años y su aventura duró un año y le mostré fotos y vídeos de Olivia y Daniel y Emma se puso emocional y se puso a llorar y me pude dar cuenta que incluso llorando se miraba realmente hermosa e indefensa que daban ganas de abrazarla, y Emma dijo entre sollozos pero hace 5 años apenas llevaba un año casada con Daniel como pudo hacerme esto y Emma lloraba más fuerte y decidía que voy hacer no se que hacer no tengo a nadie en esta ciudad que me pueda ayudar y yo la tomé de las manos y le dije aquí estoy si quieres ayuda te la daré y ella me dijo ya no quiero volver con Daniel el me rompío el corazón y entonces le dije te ayudaré a pagar un hotel para que te quedes ahí si quieres y ella dijo porque harías eso por mi yo lo dije porque verte sufrir hace que me duela el corazón y después de un rato de estar en el restaurante el dueño nos dijo que nos fuéramos ya que estábamos muy emocionales e hicimos un escándalo y después de salir de ahí le pregunté a Emma que si quería que la llevara a un hotel y ella dijo entre sollozos que si pero que no esperará tener relaciones con ella porque que ella no era como Daniel que se acuesta con todos yo me reí entre dientes y dije tranquila no te busque para eso y para cuando llegamos al hotel y entramos a la habitación senté a Emma en la cama y le dije hay algo más que debo decirte y ella dijo que puede ser peor que lo que ya me dijiste. Le tuve que contar que Olivia y Daniel tenían una hija y esa información hizo que Emma rompiera a llorar desconsoladamente y Emma decía porque porque me hiciste esto yo te amaba eres muy malo porque me hiciste esto ami, y yo abraze a Emma y le pregunté que te pasa que sucede y Emma dijo entre sollozos apenas pudiendo hablar hace un mes finalmente después de intentarlo mucho tiempo pude quedar embarazada pero Daniel me dijo que abortara ya que no estaba preparado mental y económicamente para un bebé y que un bebé lo estresaria más y que si no abortaba el divorcio era la única opción. Entonces con todo el dolor del mundo aborté a mi bebé pero ahora me dices que tiene un hijo con tu esposa y no me lo Puedo creer siento que me arrancan el corazón, y después de escuchar lo que Daniel hizo hacer a Emma recordé lo que Olivia avía dicho sobré que Daniel la avía buscado hace un mes porque estaba triste por aver perdido asu hijo y me llené de un odió increíble hacia Daniel me di cuenta de que era una gran cobarde y escoria por hacerle esto a una mujer que lo amaba y después de que Emma lloro por más de una hora se empezó a dormir y me dijo por favor no me dejes sola y yo le dije tranquila no iré a ningún lado y entonces Emma se quedó dormida abrazándome y antes de darme cuenta yo también me dormí profundamente ya que desde que empezó todo esto no abia podido dormir bien.
Cuando me desperté me di cuenta de que eran las 7 de la mañana y pude ver qué tenía 20 llamadas perdidas de Olivia pero realmente no me importaba y voltee y vi que Emma estaba sentada en la orilla de la cama y me dijo tu que vas hacer Chris y yo dije le dije voy a expulsar a Olivia de mi vida no importa que ella una niña de por medio y Emma dijo no amas a la niña después de todo tu la criaste y yo le contesté si la amo pero es mejor separarse ahora que aún es pequeña ya que se que nunca la podré ver igual, Emma dijo es triste pero entiendo es mejor salir ahora antes de que aya más daño, Le pregunté a Emma que vas hacer y ella dijo ya no quiero volver a mi casa ya no quiero volver a ver a Daniel entonces yo le dije si quieres yo te puedo ayudar a divorciarte ya tengo un abogado que es muy bueno y Emma dijo me lo puedes presentar y yo le dije yo me encargo y le di mi número a Emma y le dije que después vendría a verla ya que tenía que ir a mi casa y ella dijo no me dejaras sola verdad y yo le dije no podría y entonces salí del hotel y cuando llegue a mi casa vi que todas mis cosas estaban afuera y pensé ahora que y cuando abrí la puerta vi que Sara estaba ahí junto con mis padres y suegros y cuando entre Sara me dió una cachetada y me dijo como te atreves hacerle esto ami madre y entonces yo la tomé de la cabeza jalandola de los pelos y le dije primero no me vuelvas a tocar y según nunca me vuelvas a tocar y la tire al suelo, cuando entre a la sala de star vi que mi Olivia estaba sentada y tenía la cara de que avía estado llorando y mi mamá y suegra estaban alado de ella consolandola y Olivia me dijo dónde estabas porque nos hiciste esto quiero que me contestes y después quiero que tomes tus cosas y te vayas de mi casa y le dije que quieres y entonces Olivia saco su celular y me mostró imágenes mías y de Emma estando en el restaurante y después llendo al hotel, eso hizo que mi suegra y mi madre se lanzarán sobré mi y empezarán a decir me de cosas' mi Madre dijo yo te crie mejor que esto como puedes hacerle esto a tu familia y dijo no te quiero volver a ver esta que de rodillas le pidas perdón a tu esposa y mi padre intentaba calmarla y mi suegra dijo no voy a permitir que te quedes con mi hija después de lo que hiciste y yo le contesté no lo hize por más un año como otros eso hizo que Olivia abriera bien los ojos pero después dijo por qué lo hiciste quien es esa mujer y yo le dije tu la conoces Es Emma La Esposa De Daniel y Olivia apenas pudiendo hablar dijo que tienes que ver tu con ella Y voltee a ver a Olivia y le dije lose todo y Olivia dijo no entiendo que sabes. se que fuiste amante de Daniel hace años por más de un año y Olivia empezó a balbusear y decir espera no lo que sea que te aya dicho Emma te juro que no es cierto te juro que fue solo una vez y entonces saque el iPad y dije reconoces esto, y cuando Olivia vio el iPad hizo un gemido horrible y calló de rodillas llorando y dijo no no no por favor espera Chris puedo explicarlo fue sin querer y yo le dije ahórrate tus explicaciones no me interesan a lo que Olivia contesto te juro que no significo nada y entonces yo contesté pero te aseguro que para Alexa siempre va a significar algo y Olivia dijo de que hablas y yo le dije Alexa no es hija mía es de Daniel y después de decir eso Olivia se desmayó y me sorprendió que nadie intentará atraparla ya que todos tenían las manos en la boca y voltee a ver a sara y le dije se que tú encubriste y apoyaste a tu madre por tu ideología barata me traicionaste ami que siempre te ame pero desde ahora estarás por tu cuenta ya no te pagaré la universidad ni ningún otro gasto más y salí de mi casa mientras todos intentaban entender lo que avía pasado y aprovechando que todas mis cosas estaban afuera las empeze a subir a mi troca mientras todos me veían y cuando ya me iba a ir Olivia por fin se levantó y me gritó te juro Chris que no significo nada yo solo te amo a ti por favor no me dejes, dejarte pero si fuiste tu la que saco mis cosas y eso hizo que Olivia llorará más fuerte y yo le quería contestar algo pero pensé que no valía la pena, y mientras me iba recibí una llamada de mi hijo que decía papá que está ocurriendo mamá dijo qué no nos dejas por otra mujer y yo le dije no es así si quieres te puedo explicar y Stephen dijo está bien te escucho y le conté todo lo que hizo su madre y que su hermana lo sabía todo y entonces Stephen dijo no puedo creer lo que me estás diciendo papá necesito hablar con mi mamá y me colgó y me sentí triste al saber que mi hijo no me creía pero decidí que esto me afectaría y fue entonces cuando recordé lo que me dijo mi jefe sobre si quería ser trasferido y decidí que lo aceptaría así que lo llame pero me acordé de que tenía a Emma en el hotel y fui hacia aya y cuando llegue vi que tenía la cara roja por ever estado llorando y pero cuando me vió intento hacer una sonrisa eso me pareció muy lindo y me preguntó que pasa porque trais tantas cosas en tu troca y le conté lo que sucedió y Emma dijo entonces te vas y yo le contesté si, pero Antes quería hablar de eso contigo, Emma contesto conmigo porque, quería saber si te gustaría venir conmigo y Emma agachó la cabeza y dijo entre sollozos porque harías eso por mi y yo le agarre la cara que era muy Suave y le limpie las lágrimas y le dije porque no podría estar en paz sabiendo que te deje sola eso hizo que Emma abriera mucho sus bellos ojos, y seguí diciendo ven conmigo y yo me encargaré de todo para que Puedas terminar tu matrimonio sin tener que volver a ver a Daniel y Emma dijo está bien iré contigo y cuando Emma acepto venir conmigo nosé porque eso me hizo muy feliz y haci fue como al día siguiente nos mudamos de ciudad y mi empresa nos proporciono un departamento y Emma y yo nos pusimos a descargar y acomodar todo y me sorprendió que el departamento solo tuviera un cuarto pero yo decidí dormir en la sala para no incomodar a Emma unos días después Emma me dijo nerviosamente lo siento no tenía ropa que ponerme así que me puse la tuya y eso me hizo reír ya que se miraba graciosa, Emma era un poco más baja y delgada que Olivia pero también estaba demasiado cuerpuda y cuando caminaba todo rebotaba y cuando eso pasaba y yo intentaba no verla pero no podía y ella también se avergonzaba y después de unos días mi abogado me llamo y me dijo que tus papeles y los de Emma ya estan listos y que dónde quería que los entregará y le dije que yo iría por ellos y se lo entregaría personalmente a Olivia y Daniel y cuando me iba ir le dije a Emma que tenía que volver a nueva York para ponerle fin a nuestro asunto y ella me deseó suerte y me abrazo.
Y cuando llegue a mi casa pude ver qué mis padres y suegros todavía seguían ahi y cuando entre vi que todos se me quedaban viendo y Olivia vino hacia mi rápidamente y pude ver qué no avía dormido Bien y me Dijo porque te quieres divorciarte de mi te juro que lo de Daniel no significo nada, yo le pregunté cómo sabes Que me quiero divorciar de ti y Olivia contesto Rob me lo dijo todo dijo que tú lo buscaste porque te querías divorciar y cuando el te dijo que no tu fuiste con otro abogado y Rob dijo que el me iba a representar, me quedé sorprendido con lo que me dijo Olivia y después me enteré de Rob Acepto Representar a Olivia porque se entró que Bill era mi abogado y en el mundo de los abogados el es un pez gordo y no quería que Olivia sufriera y yo realmente me decepcioné de Rob porque el me avía dicho que no quería escojer bandos, Pero no desenfocandome saque los papeles de divorcio y se los mostré a Olivia y le dije este es un acuerdo de divorcio donde nuestros bienes se dividen a la mitad y yo renuncio por completo a la custodia y derechos de paternidad de Alexa y está también es una orden de restricción para que no te acerques a más de 100 metros de mi y mientras decía todo esto Olivia no dejaba de llorar y decía no puedes hacernos esto eres un bastardo sin corazón como puedes irte así después de 20 Sin Siquiera pelear por nosotros y abandonar Alexa y entonces Olivia cayó sobré mis pies y me dijo por favor dime qué puedo hacer para que me perdones y yo le dije si quieres estar bien conmigo solo firma los papeles y así salí de la casa mientras Olivia lloraba a gritós y me dirijo a la casa de Daniel y cuando Daniel me vió me dijo aquí estás bastardo y me intentó golpear pero yo lo derribe y Daniel se levantó y me dijo dónde está Emma porque se fue contigo y le dije tu porque crees ya lo sabemos todo toma estos papeles y firmarlos y deja a Emma libré y después de que Daniel miro los papeles dijo que es esto porque tengo una demanda de paternidad y le dije acaso no sabías tienes un hijo con Olivia y casi podía ver cómo se le acababa el mundo y el decía no esto no puede ser siempre nos cuidamos y otra cosa está es una demanda por a ver echo que Emma abortara y Daniel dijo no es cierto solo le dije que si no se quería divorciar debía abortar pero jamás la obligue y le dije pues según el estado de nueva York eso es obligar y antes de que Daniel dijera algo más llegaron dos oficiales preguntando por el y el solo se me quedó viendo y me dijo eres un bastardo y yo le dije espero que tengas dinero ahorrado porque le envié varios videos y fotos comprometedoras a tus jefes en el estudio de doblaje y no creo que les guste ver lo que hiciste en el trabajo.
2024.05.16 03:44 thegrlnxtdior AITA for wanting to buy my own car
for context, I am 17 yrs old and I recently got 3 weeks my license. I paid for majority of my driving school ( parents 300 . Me 550). I pay own phone bill every month ($95). Plus im paying off my phone which my father “bought” for me. All this to say i am responsible when it comes my to finances. I recently saved up enough money to buy my own used car. The problem is in my state you have to be 18 in order to have your own insurance ( unless you’re on ur parent’s insurance). My parents do not want me to drive alone because “ you don’t have enough experience “, which is true I don’t but how am I supposed to gain those experiences w/o driving alone. So, today, I told my mom that I found a car within my budget and if she could add me to her insurance I can give her the money for the extra cost every month. She proceeds to say that “ let your dad help you buy a car” but I responded “ I don’t want him to help me”. Somehow this made her furious. She said I was disrespectful for declining help from her parents and that because im turning 18 , I want to do what I want. Which is partially true because im an independent person. I never depend on my parents for anything. I got my first job at 14 and saved up since then. Somehow the whole car argument turned into you’re acting “grown” and we can’t talk to you anymore, so I should move out when I turn 18 or she can kick me out now Which shocked me because everytime I talk about leaving for college next year, they are opposed to it? Either way, im so confused on why they are so upset that I want my independence. The reason I want a car is because whenever I ask anyone to take me to work or if I miss the school bus it’s a whole hassle for them. I don’t like to seem that I’m a burden so I usually walk to school or work if I miss the bus. Am I wrong? Pls lmk if im being disrespectful in any way !
submitted by thegrlnxtdior to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 03:13 Authorrlee AITA for going full No Contact with my sister the same week as our grandmother’s funeral?
(I am SO sorry for the needed lengthy) Back Story & Context Leading To My Decision:
I (33F) have 1 sibling, “Sam” (38F). Although we share the same parents, our childhood & the way we were treated was incredibly different. Mainly because Sam had always been favored & treated far better than me. A fact that Sam refuses to acknowledge to this day.
Before & after my parents got married, it was agreed upon that they would not have children, until one day my mother “Susan” (66F) came up with the bright idea that if she gave her parents (“Norma & Gene”) a grand-baby they would finally love her. She went off the pill without telling my father, got pregnant, then had Sam. To no one’s surprise, Susan hated being a mom. So she would ship Sam across the country to Norma & Gene’s constantly, so much so, they saw her as THEIR child. And they showered her with love that Susan never even got a taste of. This led to Susan being aggressively jealous & resentful of her child.
Years later, my dad was tricked again into having me to “save their marriage.” They divorced when I was 3. All Sam ever knew from Susan was neglect, emotional & mental abuse from Susan, which only became worse when she could use “favoring” me as another way to hurt Sam. This was NOT a secret in my family, resulting in maltreatment towards me (either subconsciously or intentionally).
Abuse toward Sam turned physical. My father was given full custody of her when I was 8, and I was left with Susan for the next 2 years until she decided she wanted to move to San Francisco because she “deserved” a more glamorous life. I do not remember the years living with Susan, but recently one of my closest friends (of 25 years) said to me I practically lived at her house & she barely interacted with Susan throughout the entirety of our friendship.
To make up for Susan being an awful parent, Norma & Gene would dote on Sam & shell out a lot of $$$ to give her a very nice life which includes but not limited to; taking her on luxury trips around the world (I was only invited on 1 in the times we lived together), Norma would write her lengthy letters to continue growing their bond, has had so much money spent on her such as down payment on her first house & paid for extravagant events such as majority of the bill for her $50,000 wedding @ 21yo, the rest my father paid for. The only time she worked before graduating with her degree was part time ONE semester in college then quit because it was “so tiring” to work & study. Want to guess who paid her bills & gave her an allowance the rest of the time? Compare this to me when I barley received a kind word. They offered me money ONCE in my early 20’s to pay off my credit card & medical debt I accrued in college as I had to pay all my own bills while working full time (I have been working since I was 15) and going to school full time. I am the only one in the family who worked in college, yet I am still the only one to graduate with honors. I accepted with the condition it would come out of my “inheritance.” I have never asked or been offered money since. I have paid for ALL my own bills since I left home @ 18 years old.
Despite the obvious disparities and constant hurt they put me through, I was an active member of the family who mainly kept her mouth shut. I attended family events unless I could not afford to go, I sent holiday gifts, called between 1-2x per month for an 1 hour+ phone call in which I most often bit my tongue unless it was to defend Sam as Norma did not agree with her parenting.
Something to note, in May 2021 my father had an accident that would lead to his passing in December 2021. The disagreements & Sam’s nastiness toward me after the accident and then his death further strained our relationship.
Fast forward to March 2023. An explosive incident at Susan’s home. Susan started berating Sam for not allowing Susan to take my oldest nephew cross country for a week. When Sam confronted her on the abuse she endured growing up, and will not subject her kids to that, Susan lost it. Not only did Susan say that Sam made that up (I have the court documents in my possession) she screamed at Sam until she began sobbing in ear shot of her 3 young kids, husband, and my step father. I stood up for Sam as always, which resulted in Susan screaming in my face “I don’t want a relationship with you” with Sam as a witness. I cut ties at that moment, then made the family aware of my decision, and everyone, including Norma agreed to respect my decision.
By August 2023, my physical health that had been on a rapid decline since 2019 including 18 out of 23 (78%) of my spinal discs deteriorating without a known cause had become unbearable to manage + time I had to take off because of migraines & doctor’s appointments, I had to quit my corporate desk job. I had enough money saved to tide me over for some time, but as any US adult in their 20’s & 30’s know, it’s been rough the past few years, add in physical disabilities & limited mobility + regular migraines, I was running low on money & needed help. So at the end of December, at the encouragement & insistence of my aunt “Elizabeth” (61F & Susan’s sister) who I had become quite close with over the past few years, I went to Norma & Gene to ask for a LOAN. They had donated $25,000 to Sam’s place of worship on her behalf a few months prior, offered to buy Sam & her husband a house the year prior, paid for Elizabeth’s bills & expensive lifestyle for the last year when she was soul searching on what line of work she wanted to do next, this was after putting a down payment on Elizabeth’s new $470,000 condo + $70,000 of renovations it needed, not to mention the literal hundreds of thousands of dollars that they have given Susan over the years just to pay off her credit card debt (none of which is coming out of their inheritance might I add) she assured me they would absolutely loan their granddaughter with serious health issues money. Elizabeth would talk to them personally about it, just to seal the deal while Sam would help me find cheaper alternatives to my current necessities such as Medicaid.
I make the request, and to my surprise they are more than happy to help me with a loan. But one week later & their phone calls with Susan, they say by email they “love me but cannot continue to financially support my poor decisions.” I call Elizabeth who says, it was not in her best interest to talk to them about helping me as I am “worthless to this family and society while being disabled.” Then adds that she will not let her “mental health deteriorate just to emotionally support me.” I then immediately reach out to Sam who does not even have the guts to talk by phone only text, and says she called Susan to explain my circumstance but “wasn’t going to argue or pick a fight” to help me and that she is sorry that that she “can't show up for me the way I want her to because she needs to maintain her own mental health, relationships and boundaries.” She also threw in that I have “made up this narrative in my head” that they treat her & I different, that she is treated better.
That day I fully cut contact with Norma, Gene, and Elizabeth. I told them they will not be hearing from me again, and I will not be attending theirs or Susan’s funeral. And I stopped speaking with Sam for the time being. Ironically, what led us to speaking was last month (April 20224) I had begun working on an article about going No Contact with family members. I asked if I could discuss her childhood abuse in a few sentences as part of the article. She agreed and offered to give me quotes. I accepted then interviewed her. From there we began rebuilding our relationship.
Then last Wednesday, (May 8), Norma passes. I do not attend the funeral that happened on Friday, May 10. My two cousins who I have become very close with in the last 6 months understood why, and supported my decision. But even though I did not go, I continually checked in with them & Sam to ensure they were okay. Not once from Wednesday to yesterday (Tuesday) did Sam reply to a single message. As I am concerned about this, I reached out yesterday morning. She replied in the afternoon. I was incredibly hurt by her very lengthy message. Here are 2 excerpts that led me to full NC.
I work very hard to stay positive as it’s just me to lean on. When there is something eating at me emotionally, it will drain my energy & have me spiral until it is resolved. I did not want to waste another moment feeling hurt especially when I wasted hours being angry & upset after receiving her text before crafting my reply. But with that said, AITA for cutting ties at this time & not waiting?
EDIT: I realized that this post may have appeared as me venting more than asking for perspective since my mind was already made up about going full NC, but the reason I pose AITA is in reference to the timing. My dad always preached that Sam is “far more sensitive” than me & needs to basically be treated with kid gloves despite her being almost 5 years older (he held this stance until his passing). He would have surely wanted me to apply that rule to this situation by waiting a few weeks to cut ties once she had time to process her grief. As Norma was the closest person to a loving mother Sam consistently had, I cannot help but compare it with my experience of losing my dad. If someone who always supported me esp. with any family issues, cut contact the same week he passed, it would have added a whole other layer of devastation & loneliness to an already difficult time…So, I am torn between if did the right thing by putting myself first or if I should have done what I am known & expected to do which is making Sam’s feelings the priority over mine.
ADDITIONAL ADVICE REQUESTS: 1. If anyone else has gone through a similar situation or has no immediate family, how do you handle it when having to discuss it with others? Such as explaining it to a new S/O’s, or the least complicated version to their family members or my friends who do not know the full back story but will eventually pick up on me not mentioning my sister or my nephews & niece. 2. If anyone is not able bodied or is limited to working options due to health, what you do for your full or extra income (outside of any government assistance)?
TY to all who comment &/or upvote!☺️
submitted by Authorrlee to CharlotteDobreYouTube [link] [comments]
I (33F) have 1 sibling, “Sam” (38F). Although we share the same parents, our childhood & the way we were treated was incredibly different. Mainly because Sam had always been favored & treated far better than me. A fact that Sam refuses to acknowledge to this day.
Before & after my parents got married, it was agreed upon that they would not have children, until one day my mother “Susan” (66F) came up with the bright idea that if she gave her parents (“Norma & Gene”) a grand-baby they would finally love her. She went off the pill without telling my father, got pregnant, then had Sam. To no one’s surprise, Susan hated being a mom. So she would ship Sam across the country to Norma & Gene’s constantly, so much so, they saw her as THEIR child. And they showered her with love that Susan never even got a taste of. This led to Susan being aggressively jealous & resentful of her child.
Years later, my dad was tricked again into having me to “save their marriage.” They divorced when I was 3. All Sam ever knew from Susan was neglect, emotional & mental abuse from Susan, which only became worse when she could use “favoring” me as another way to hurt Sam. This was NOT a secret in my family, resulting in maltreatment towards me (either subconsciously or intentionally).
Abuse toward Sam turned physical. My father was given full custody of her when I was 8, and I was left with Susan for the next 2 years until she decided she wanted to move to San Francisco because she “deserved” a more glamorous life. I do not remember the years living with Susan, but recently one of my closest friends (of 25 years) said to me I practically lived at her house & she barely interacted with Susan throughout the entirety of our friendship.
To make up for Susan being an awful parent, Norma & Gene would dote on Sam & shell out a lot of $$$ to give her a very nice life which includes but not limited to; taking her on luxury trips around the world (I was only invited on 1 in the times we lived together), Norma would write her lengthy letters to continue growing their bond, has had so much money spent on her such as down payment on her first house & paid for extravagant events such as majority of the bill for her $50,000 wedding @ 21yo, the rest my father paid for. The only time she worked before graduating with her degree was part time ONE semester in college then quit because it was “so tiring” to work & study. Want to guess who paid her bills & gave her an allowance the rest of the time? Compare this to me when I barley received a kind word. They offered me money ONCE in my early 20’s to pay off my credit card & medical debt I accrued in college as I had to pay all my own bills while working full time (I have been working since I was 15) and going to school full time. I am the only one in the family who worked in college, yet I am still the only one to graduate with honors. I accepted with the condition it would come out of my “inheritance.” I have never asked or been offered money since. I have paid for ALL my own bills since I left home @ 18 years old.
Despite the obvious disparities and constant hurt they put me through, I was an active member of the family who mainly kept her mouth shut. I attended family events unless I could not afford to go, I sent holiday gifts, called between 1-2x per month for an 1 hour+ phone call in which I most often bit my tongue unless it was to defend Sam as Norma did not agree with her parenting.
Something to note, in May 2021 my father had an accident that would lead to his passing in December 2021. The disagreements & Sam’s nastiness toward me after the accident and then his death further strained our relationship.
Fast forward to March 2023. An explosive incident at Susan’s home. Susan started berating Sam for not allowing Susan to take my oldest nephew cross country for a week. When Sam confronted her on the abuse she endured growing up, and will not subject her kids to that, Susan lost it. Not only did Susan say that Sam made that up (I have the court documents in my possession) she screamed at Sam until she began sobbing in ear shot of her 3 young kids, husband, and my step father. I stood up for Sam as always, which resulted in Susan screaming in my face “I don’t want a relationship with you” with Sam as a witness. I cut ties at that moment, then made the family aware of my decision, and everyone, including Norma agreed to respect my decision.
By August 2023, my physical health that had been on a rapid decline since 2019 including 18 out of 23 (78%) of my spinal discs deteriorating without a known cause had become unbearable to manage + time I had to take off because of migraines & doctor’s appointments, I had to quit my corporate desk job. I had enough money saved to tide me over for some time, but as any US adult in their 20’s & 30’s know, it’s been rough the past few years, add in physical disabilities & limited mobility + regular migraines, I was running low on money & needed help. So at the end of December, at the encouragement & insistence of my aunt “Elizabeth” (61F & Susan’s sister) who I had become quite close with over the past few years, I went to Norma & Gene to ask for a LOAN. They had donated $25,000 to Sam’s place of worship on her behalf a few months prior, offered to buy Sam & her husband a house the year prior, paid for Elizabeth’s bills & expensive lifestyle for the last year when she was soul searching on what line of work she wanted to do next, this was after putting a down payment on Elizabeth’s new $470,000 condo + $70,000 of renovations it needed, not to mention the literal hundreds of thousands of dollars that they have given Susan over the years just to pay off her credit card debt (none of which is coming out of their inheritance might I add) she assured me they would absolutely loan their granddaughter with serious health issues money. Elizabeth would talk to them personally about it, just to seal the deal while Sam would help me find cheaper alternatives to my current necessities such as Medicaid.
I make the request, and to my surprise they are more than happy to help me with a loan. But one week later & their phone calls with Susan, they say by email they “love me but cannot continue to financially support my poor decisions.” I call Elizabeth who says, it was not in her best interest to talk to them about helping me as I am “worthless to this family and society while being disabled.” Then adds that she will not let her “mental health deteriorate just to emotionally support me.” I then immediately reach out to Sam who does not even have the guts to talk by phone only text, and says she called Susan to explain my circumstance but “wasn’t going to argue or pick a fight” to help me and that she is sorry that that she “can't show up for me the way I want her to because she needs to maintain her own mental health, relationships and boundaries.” She also threw in that I have “made up this narrative in my head” that they treat her & I different, that she is treated better.
That day I fully cut contact with Norma, Gene, and Elizabeth. I told them they will not be hearing from me again, and I will not be attending theirs or Susan’s funeral. And I stopped speaking with Sam for the time being. Ironically, what led us to speaking was last month (April 20224) I had begun working on an article about going No Contact with family members. I asked if I could discuss her childhood abuse in a few sentences as part of the article. She agreed and offered to give me quotes. I accepted then interviewed her. From there we began rebuilding our relationship.
Then last Wednesday, (May 8), Norma passes. I do not attend the funeral that happened on Friday, May 10. My two cousins who I have become very close with in the last 6 months understood why, and supported my decision. But even though I did not go, I continually checked in with them & Sam to ensure they were okay. Not once from Wednesday to yesterday (Tuesday) did Sam reply to a single message. As I am concerned about this, I reached out yesterday morning. She replied in the afternoon. I was incredibly hurt by her very lengthy message. Here are 2 excerpts that led me to full NC.
- “Your perspective on the situation was clear, you werent coming to be with the family and you arent grieving [Norma’s] death at least in the conventional sense. I had to be the one to answer from most of the family why you werent there, it was incredibly awkward and uncomfortable for me.”
- “Since late January/Early February things have already been really strained between us. I know that most that comes from my point of view and actions were really hurtful to you. I hate that I hurt you and Its been difficult for me to reconcile that I can't show up for you the way you want me to while also maintaining my own mental health, relationships and boundaries.”
I work very hard to stay positive as it’s just me to lean on. When there is something eating at me emotionally, it will drain my energy & have me spiral until it is resolved. I did not want to waste another moment feeling hurt especially when I wasted hours being angry & upset after receiving her text before crafting my reply. But with that said, AITA for cutting ties at this time & not waiting?
EDIT: I realized that this post may have appeared as me venting more than asking for perspective since my mind was already made up about going full NC, but the reason I pose AITA is in reference to the timing. My dad always preached that Sam is “far more sensitive” than me & needs to basically be treated with kid gloves despite her being almost 5 years older (he held this stance until his passing). He would have surely wanted me to apply that rule to this situation by waiting a few weeks to cut ties once she had time to process her grief. As Norma was the closest person to a loving mother Sam consistently had, I cannot help but compare it with my experience of losing my dad. If someone who always supported me esp. with any family issues, cut contact the same week he passed, it would have added a whole other layer of devastation & loneliness to an already difficult time…So, I am torn between if did the right thing by putting myself first or if I should have done what I am known & expected to do which is making Sam’s feelings the priority over mine.
ADDITIONAL ADVICE REQUESTS: 1. If anyone else has gone through a similar situation or has no immediate family, how do you handle it when having to discuss it with others? Such as explaining it to a new S/O’s, or the least complicated version to their family members or my friends who do not know the full back story but will eventually pick up on me not mentioning my sister or my nephews & niece. 2. If anyone is not able bodied or is limited to working options due to health, what you do for your full or extra income (outside of any government assistance)?
TY to all who comment &/or upvote!☺️
2024.05.16 03:07 Easy_Fun9789 Officemate kong Chismosa
Yung chismosa kong officemate gumawa ng dummy account para lang alamin sa BFF ko kung umutang ba talaga siya sa office namin.
For context, I've been in a very bad financial situation since last year. Nagkaron ng point sa buhay ko na nautangan ko na ata lahat para makaahon kasi shit happens. I got super broke and was diagnosed with BPD1 and depression. My manic levels were on the roof and too late ko na narealize na I maxxed out everything.
Long story short, hindi to alam sa office namin syempre. My walls are high. Alam naman nilang may problema ko kasi evident naman. I get phone calls from banks and I loaned out every fucking loan na pwede ko iavail sa office just to pay up.
Fast forward, medyo nakaahon ahon na ko ng March. Madami dami pa rin akong cc bills pero wala naman na kong utang sa tao. Im living paycheck to paycheck, minsan at madalas kapos pa.
Si chismosang officemate, kaclose ko kasi dati. She probably wants to know what happened, bakit natuto ako magsinungaling pag nanghihiram ako, bakit ako madaming utang.
For someone na wala naman ambag sa buhay ko. Bakit kailangan mo pang alamin. Magaambag ka ba sa bayad ng mga bayarin ko? Tangina mo. Hahahahahahahahaa magaabot ka ba? Kakalahatiin mo ba. Kasi kung oo, sige kwekwento ko lahat ng sad stories ng buhay ko sayo. Uupuan pa kita.
Peace of mind mo bang malaman. Alam ko naman na consequences to ng bad choices at bad decisions ko sa buhay last year pero ano ba to sayo? Hindi ko nga sinasabi kasi ayokong magshare.
I know you lurk in reddit too. I hope you stumble across this. And I hope you learn in the future, na sometimes people around you make bad decisions and therefore we suffer the consequences pero IT'S NOT ON YOU. IT'S NOT YOUR LIFE.
LEARN TO READ BETWEEN THE LINES. KAPAG AYAW ISHARE SAYO IBIGSABIHIN NUN AYAW IKWENTO SAYO. HINDI TO SIGN NA MAGING NBI KA AT MANGIELAM O MAKIALAM SA BUHAY. GAHD.
MAY AMBAG KA SA SINAPUPUNAN NG NANAY KO NUNG PINANGANAK AKO BAT GUSTO MONG MALAMAN AT GUSTO MO RIN BA MAGDECIDE FOR ME? Gahd.
submitted by Easy_Fun9789 to OffMyChestPH [link] [comments]
For context, I've been in a very bad financial situation since last year. Nagkaron ng point sa buhay ko na nautangan ko na ata lahat para makaahon kasi shit happens. I got super broke and was diagnosed with BPD1 and depression. My manic levels were on the roof and too late ko na narealize na I maxxed out everything.
Long story short, hindi to alam sa office namin syempre. My walls are high. Alam naman nilang may problema ko kasi evident naman. I get phone calls from banks and I loaned out every fucking loan na pwede ko iavail sa office just to pay up.
Fast forward, medyo nakaahon ahon na ko ng March. Madami dami pa rin akong cc bills pero wala naman na kong utang sa tao. Im living paycheck to paycheck, minsan at madalas kapos pa.
Si chismosang officemate, kaclose ko kasi dati. She probably wants to know what happened, bakit natuto ako magsinungaling pag nanghihiram ako, bakit ako madaming utang.
For someone na wala naman ambag sa buhay ko. Bakit kailangan mo pang alamin. Magaambag ka ba sa bayad ng mga bayarin ko? Tangina mo. Hahahahahahahahaa magaabot ka ba? Kakalahatiin mo ba. Kasi kung oo, sige kwekwento ko lahat ng sad stories ng buhay ko sayo. Uupuan pa kita.
Peace of mind mo bang malaman. Alam ko naman na consequences to ng bad choices at bad decisions ko sa buhay last year pero ano ba to sayo? Hindi ko nga sinasabi kasi ayokong magshare.
I know you lurk in reddit too. I hope you stumble across this. And I hope you learn in the future, na sometimes people around you make bad decisions and therefore we suffer the consequences pero IT'S NOT ON YOU. IT'S NOT YOUR LIFE.
LEARN TO READ BETWEEN THE LINES. KAPAG AYAW ISHARE SAYO IBIGSABIHIN NUN AYAW IKWENTO SAYO. HINDI TO SIGN NA MAGING NBI KA AT MANGIELAM O MAKIALAM SA BUHAY. GAHD.
MAY AMBAG KA SA SINAPUPUNAN NG NANAY KO NUNG PINANGANAK AKO BAT GUSTO MONG MALAMAN AT GUSTO MO RIN BA MAGDECIDE FOR ME? Gahd.
- end rant. Lol.