it's early game BLOWS ASS.
Keep in mind, I've played through the game twice now, and Im coming back for a third playthrough. This is to say I know most of the tips and tricks. Now... lets start from the beginning shall we.
Temple of Trials. Those three words are basically an insult of their own to the Fallout community.
I don't know of a better way to filter out players than spending the first 15 minutes of the game running in circles and missing ants over and over again, followed by a "totally not fight to the death" fight to the death with fucking Cameron. Cameron is a very well written complex character meant to ensure that you cannot continue this game if you didn't spec into the right stats. Actually, I dumped points into charisma for this playthrough, so I figured I would just be able to talk my way around him, right?
Hahahaha.... nope.
As it turns out, you HAVE to tag speech to do this, which I didn't do. You'd think with a charisma of 10, my speech skill would be high enough on it's own to bump that speech stat to where it needs to be to talk down the tutorial guy...
But since someone thought that rather than checking the stat itself, the game should check if you TAGGED the stat, which is just... why?
Then we get the side quests in Arroyo. They're fine, pretty easy for the early game... in fact, I'd say the early game quests are still by and large doable with the exception of rescuing Smiley.
It's the random encounters that suck good 'n proper.
When encountering some of the wasteland's friendly locals, you can do one of three things. The first two involve fighting. First off are highwaymen, robbers, slavers, etc. If you stay and fight these guys: you die. Pretty easily put. There are just hordes of them and they all have bigger guns than you, and a HEAP of jet. Fighting them is useless even after clearing the quests in the first three towns. The second option is a bit rarer, but happens like clockwork. Maybe this time you get the upper hand on the robbers. Likely they were attacking a caravan or something, right? So, stick around, wait for the two sides to kill eachother and finish off the survivors.
Nope once again, you see, as a rule, Fallout 2 seems to LOVE crashing if you stay in a random combat encounter for more than a couple minutes. So you're screwed if you havent been saving after every turn, which is the best gameplay mechanic said noone ever.
The third and final option in this fantastic gameplay loop that makes me want to drink paint is to simply run away. Doing this, your companion you were hoping to keep is pretty likely to kick the bucket since they inevitably fight back, making you reload the save anyway when fucking Sulik gets riddled with bullets.
So how did I get past Cameron in the temple of trials? Well, I simply attacked him with a spear before saying anything to him, giving me a head start and a very unfair advantage. Basically I cheez'd the shit out of it, which describes this early game pretty well I think...

This is the final section of the record that led to the verdict and its reasons. I would like to apologize in advance for the length.
The motive for the murder [144]-[171]
“The state's case regarding the question of whether the accused had a motive to kill the deceased largely revolved around the letter she wrote to him that morning. His behavior before and after learning of her death was also important in this regard." The main question was whether the relationship was a sufficient reason for the crime and whether this motive led to careful planning with convincing acting in an "apparently" watertight alibi. The state relied on a crime scene analysis by a Senior Superintendent in the SAPS and commander of the Psychological Investigation Unit in Pretoria, who stated in his full report, dated 29 January 2007: “It is my opinion that the motive for this murder was a personal one due to the circumstances under which the crime was committed and the type of aggression displayed towards the victim. Therefore the offender must have been well-known to the victim and motivated by anger.”
=> I believe that examining the question of whether the planning included acting and alibi alone is insufficient. In my opinion, it would also have to include consideration of whether other people were involved and the defendant knew about it or even was an accomplice.
The deceased's letter, which is dated March 16, 2005 and addressed to "Dear Fred", displays at the top of the first page two crosses and a heart by the date and four crosses, a heart and a smiley face by his name. The same symbols can be found at the bottom of the letter It reads as follows: “This letter is going to be a bit more difficult than email (can't delete and change sentences over and over again), but I have to get these things off my heart this morning. (This sounds like following a request/demand not to write an email but a handwritten letter.) I'm sorry you left here in such a mess this morning - I was unreasonable at first and then the whole story just got out of control. (She immediately takes the blame for the argument, not as a conclusion, but as an introduction. It may indicate that she has had the experience in the past of being able to appease him with this approach.) First about you and your brothers…I pray that God will give you wisdom in how to handle the situation and that you will sort out what is between you. Remember, I am ALWAYS there if you want to talk and I REALLY want to be a part of your life and try to understand what you are going through. (He apparently conveyed to her that he didn't know what the actual reason for the arguments with his brothers was. The capital letters indicate a correction of the extreme accusation that she was NEVER there for him when he wanted to speak out and she is NOT interested in his problems AT ALL) The little things that bother me at the moment… (response to the possible request to write down what bothers her about the relationship; she starts very carefully, immediately makes her needs small and insignificant in comparison) I am truly sorry about some of the things I lost this morning. My biggest mistake of late was finding my security and solution to a poor self-esteem in you instead of in God. I didn't realize it until this morning/now, but God has incredible ways of coming and talking to a person and I realize now that I was actually the unfair one, not you. (Another apology for her behavior. She was unable to draw security and reinforcement from God for her low self-esteem. It suggests that she may have accused him of not feeling enough support in the relationship. This now describes it as an unfair demand on a partnership.) Furthermore, I am incredibly afraid of the Easter weekend and that you will see my father if he has had too much to drink. I don't want to lose you in that way and I don't want you to see that side of our family. It probably sounds silly, but it really is a big concern of mine. (She expresses shame about her father when he drank too much alcohol. Although this is understandable, it shouldn't make a person extremely frightened and/or losing a partner because of it. Unless she fears that the father has something against Inge's relationship and could insult Fred. In this context, I had to think of this ornamental hammer. Since it is much better for opening bottles than as a tool, this could also have been meant as a small swipe and taken as an affront.) And finally the usual old stuff - work, CT1 [apparently the abbreviation of a subject she was taking], am I going to get a job? what am I going to do with my apartment? (Why is she moving before the job prospects are clarified?) etc etc It sounds so silly now when I write it down on paper, but it's only right that you know what's going on. [the word "Actually" is crossed out here] Just don't want to bother you with the same issues over and over again! (Again the reference to the fact that this is unusual on paper, but that she wants to follow what she considers a legitimate wish. Furthermore, the accusation was apparently made that she was constantly annoying him with the same problems.) Sorry that sometimes I forget that you are only human - I look up to you so much and have so much respect for you, your opinions and the way you deal with problems, that sometimes I don't realize that you also sometimes have bad days or just don't get hurt. I don't always know how to support you and whether you need/want support at all... I don't understand how you process or deal with hurt - will you please tell me? I must learn to understand you in this respect and how to support you. (Essentially, she explains that she idealizes him so much that she seems to forget that he is even human. However, the statements about vulnerability are striking. Because of his superior attitude, she has difficulty anticipating when he could feel hurt by something. For me, this shows narcissistic traits on Fred's part, which Inge has to struggle with. She is very careful and criticizes her own actions rather than his, because he obviously doesn't deal well with criticism.) I feel like I'm disappointing you if I don't do the things I’ve mentioned above and that you deserve to have a beautiful girl who looks good, can cook food ( :-) !! ) and who is just as perfect as you in every way - and I sometimes struggle to come to that - maybe that is what is the most difficult for me... I know you don't expect it from me, but then you have to please show me how to be the perfect girl for YOU. (The insults could have been a manipulative strategy to further unsettle her and portray her as inadequate for him so that he would seem bigger and more valuable next to her.) I love you very much and I don't want to look any further - tomorrow it will be a year since I fell in love with you:-)(the 1st Wednesday afternoon that you came to me alone for coffee :-) - and I still have no doubting for a second from that day that it's you that I want. You have enriched my life in so many ways and every day with you is the greatest gift one could dream of. (Even if you can't draw any conclusions, the coincidence of the time of the first meeting and the murder is strangely coincidental.) You NEVER have to doubt for one second that I am absolutely committed and that I want to be with you forever with everything in me. I want to promise today that I will no longer depend on you for a good self-esteem and for security, but that I will go to God with it, that I will support you in everything you do and that I will be absolutely honest with you in all areas of my life. I can also promise you today that with God's grace I will always remain 'faithful' and that I [the words "will never cheat on you" have been crossed out] will never do anything behind your back. (One could assume that Fred said that he gets his strength confidence and inner strength from belonging to the church. If she no longer wants to go there, he would have to do / achieve this as a / her partner. He could also have expressed the assumption that she does not want to adhere to the regulations of the HPC in order to cheat on him.) I love you with all my heart and there is no doubt in my mind that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. (This confession seems to be forced by Fred because, according to Wimpie's statement, he asked Inge to consider whether she still wanted the relationship.) Good luck with everything at work...All my love“
According to the accused, there was also an undated short note in the envelope which the deceased gave him that morning. It came from a writing pad found in the deceased's flat and read as follows: “Hi Honey! I also just want to say how much I appreciate you and how special you are! Thank you for your love, support and soft heart and that you are ALWAYS willing to listen to my little problems! I love you VERY, VERY, VERY! Good luck with your day and week and know that Jesus is with you every moment! Love and xx Inge PS You are in my thoughts and prayers all the time... I"
=> As has been speculated, this note may have been written at an earlier date. I was wondering if there were any prints on the top sheet of the notepad.
The court found that the two letters differed significantly from each other. The note could have been an attempt to tone down the first letter and to emphasize her affection again. It is not relevant whether these two were in the envelope, but only that the defendant only gave the mother the short note. He placed the envelope in a file on his desk at Inge's request not to leave the letter lying around because it was private. On March 29, 2005, the defendant handed the long letter to the private investigator with the addition “The most important thing for me is that the paragraph about her father on the 1st page should not get to Uncle Jan [Professor Lotz] (if possible).“ On July 27, 2005, the letter was analyzed by the state in comparison with the statements of various people. “It was hard to escape the feeling that much further information had not found its way to the court.” The police also expressed suspicions that the defendant was jealous and the deceased was unfaithful. This set a direction that was not appropriate as the Court stated. The evaluation concluded that the letter was intended to restore peace between the two, taking the blame for their differences and assuring him of her eternal and unconditional love and fidelity. “In the process, she belittled herself and painted the accused as a perfect person, a person for whom she wanted to be the perfect girlfriend.”
=> What I'm missing here is a psychological assessment of the obvious imbalance in the relationship (her being insufficient, him being perfect) and Inge's statement that she has difficulty assessing when he's vulnerable and what makes him feel hurt.
“The accused questioned at all Wimpie's testimony about the "hell fight", as it was reproduced to him by the deceased during their lunch together. Despite their argument, he saw it as a love letter. “Whatever was said deeply upset her and brought her to tears.” Apparently she calmed down quickly because she didn’t tell her mother about the argument and was “cheerful”. The arrangement of the meeting to hand over the letters was loving. The defendant attended class, picked up the cupboard and then drove to work. “If he still felt upset and anger, he suppressed or concealed it extremely effectively, as no one seemed to notice. (…) After his (Wimpies) assurance that her relationship with the accused was "perfect", she was apparently so reassured that she told Wimpie that she would like to get engaged to the accused by the end of the year. (…) These loving messages over and over appear spontaneous and natural on the surface, creating the impression that the upset of the morning was a thing of the past.“
=>At the time of this case, text messages were already known to be much easier, quicker and less thought-provoking to write than a letter. Short answers often convey a certainty that does not have to be given, just as the lack of an answer can have both a meaning and be due to the circumstances. Hence perhaps the request to Inge to write a handwritten letter. Since this letter mentioned a dispute, it was probably safer to just hand over the note instead/at first.
“The later events in which the accused was involved tend at all to strengthen this impression.” At 8:11 p.m. he announced to her in a text message that he would call her later “just to chat and hear your voice.” When she didn't answer a call, he said, "at 9:38 p.m., on his computer, began typing a loving email, in response to the letter she had given him that morning. However, in mid-sentence, he interrupted the letter to send another text because he was worried about the fact that he hadn't heard from her yet.” Given the communication, it is difficult to understand why the defendant would have had a motive. If he had such uncontrolled anger and wanted to destroy her, he would have done it. “However, it didn’t happen that way.” On the contrary, they quickly calmed down again. If the plan had been premeditated, “one would not expect such excessive violence.” This would be more likely if the victim had been caught in flagrante with someone else.
=> At this point - as in this entire section - it is not clear to me who drew these conclusions. The court or the person responsible for the psychological analysis? I would like to assert that it is doubted here that there are any psychopathological abnormalities in the personality of the accused. To my knowledge, these have never been professionally assessed. A narcissistic insult can lead to a planned action, while an impulsive act can overtake virtually anyone. Furthermore, in my opinion, it is nowhere considered that the crime was carried out with his knowledge but without his presence.
The state's assumption is that the defendant did not show much interest in reconciliation because he took a lot of time to make personal contact. He lied when he said that he and Mrs. Lotz had been looking for Inge since 3 p.m. and that she might have fainted to underline a feigned concern. “This image was put into a new gear when he told Mrs. Lotz that everything would be “okay” and that he would become a child in the house, as it was, as a substitute for the deceased.” The delayed contact could result from the exchange of loving text messages beforehand. The statement that he had been looking since 3 pm could be an expression of exaggeration, as is usual when someone has been looking for something for a long time, and would not create a motive. The suspicion of fainting dates back to 2004, when Inge lost consciousness because she stood up too quickly and injured herself at the coffee table. “Although he was not present at the incident himself, he thought of it when he could not get hold of the deceased.” This could also have been a simple exaggeration towards Marius. “The accused could not remember whether he told Mrs Lotz that everything would be “okay” and that he would be the child in the house.” The state assumes that he said it, the court rates it as “merely a clumsy way of trying to alleviate Mrs. Lotz's suffering.” and sees no indication of a motive due to the circumstances and the concern shown.
=> These interpretations each refer to the assumption that the dispute was resolved and the relationship was healthy. The exaggerated timing of the search could also be a Freudian slip of the tongue, the contact being made to conceal his knowledge of the crime that had already taken place. Benevolently interpreted as a sign of great concern. On the other hand, offering “the child in your house” is not “clumsy”, but rather unempathetic at best. Seen as a personal characteristic, it shows that the state of the other person does not play a role in the expression, but is guided by one's own motivation.
On April 18, 2005, the defendant opened an account at The Video Place to rent the same DVD as Inge, namely “Stepford Wives”. The same employee worked there on both days. He introduced himself as "the deceased's boyfriend and remarked that it was "funny" that the deceased would take out such a DVD." He was with his parents at a friend's house at the time and they (edit: the private investigator) recommended that he borrow this DVD "in case he could “find out” something from it.” The accused said, he probably introduced himself as such, as his face was already known from the newspapers at that time. He already knew that his fingerprint could be seen on this case and he wanted to find out how this was possible based on the loan procedure. “Oddly enough, he then never watched the DVD because it upset him to think that the deceased had watched it at the time of her death.” He couldn’t remember the term “funny,” but he admitted that he did find it “strange”. The court assessed this either as a coincidence or in connection with her statement in the letter “she would like to be the “perfect” girl for him, just as “perfect” as he is.” Since one can only assume that, no “ulterior“ motive can be derived from this “however unsatisfactory the explanation of his actions may be on the surface.”
=>Of course, it is not possible to determine why or at whose request Inge rented this DVD, but the fact that he opened an account at the same video store during a visit in order to rent it is striking. The question also arises as to whether he wanted to find out if it had already been returned or if he already knew this and wanted to remove traces, because the blood stain made him a suspect a few days earlier. I see the term “funny” as an expression of his lack of empathy and inability to behave in a reflective and appropriate manner in a social context.
Despite the unsatisfactory aspects of his testimony, the defendant left a good impression. Although he had the opportunity to hear the presentation of evidence and the argument of the prosecution in full before he had to respond to it, his statements were consistent with his “plea explanation”. Although some statements contradicted those of Mrs. Lotz and Marius, they played no role in terms of the alibi and a possible motive.
“When all these considerations are taken into account, the court cannot, in my view, come to the conclusion that the state has succeeded in finding a motive for the murder in the accused. Neither the letter nor the accused's behavior at the relevant time provide sufficient grounds for such a finding."
These statements are very extensive and, in my opinion, come to an rather unfounded conclusion. Even the sparse psychological analysis of the letter is not sufficiently appreciated. The expressions of love and efforts to maintain the relationship came more clearly from Inge. The defendant's reactions are always presented as appropriate and are viewed overall as an indication that the relationship was intact again at the time of the murder. I think most young people today would describe it as “toxic” with lots of “red flags”. This does not allow for the immediate conclusion that one of the partners would be capable of such a brutal act, but IMO doesn't make it as unlikely as it was ruled out in this case.
Edited for typos and a wrong attribution.

First off, let's get the formalities out of the way.

What is this?

This is a note to and about the online trans voice community (mostly restricted to this subreddit and a couple big Discord communities), and in it, I'll be laying out all of my frustrations with this sub and those Discord servers over the like, 1.5 years that I've spent somewhat involved with them. I have a lot to talk about.

Why are you making this?

Because I've seriously become tired of how draining these places often are. There's a reason my post history has such an unexpectedly wide gap; it's that I discovered how unhealthy being here actually is. It's so unhealthy that I might delete this account after I figure out a solution for keeping the Selene clip collection alive. This is also a great segue into the next question:

Who the hell do you think you are?

I am u/Cosmic_Marmalade, a sort-of known volunteer on here and on Discord. I've made the Selene archive and the L's Guide critique and have just generally dedicated a serious amount of time to helping out folks (and learning myself) since late 2022. It's not much compared to some other recognizable characters on here, but I believe I've been in these spaces for long enough that I can say something of tangible value. Anyway.
Once again, I want to remind you that this won't exactly be a perfectly-summarized bullet list. I'm gonna ramble and there's gonna be a lot of words, so expect exactly that.
I'm gonna be using they/them to refer to myself here just because I want to. I'm letting you know this because I've consistently been "a she", so to speak, before this post. Don't think too much about it.

1. Just a little bit of lore about me while we're here

I first got into trans voice when I was 14 (two years ago; I'm 16 at the moment, how shocking) through Lsomethingsomething's infamous guide to voice feminization. I didn't really get anywhere using it so I started looking around for other methods and stuff online, and eventually decided I'll become active in the online communities to hopefully get a little bit of that learning-by-(supervised)-teaching going. From there, I started doing the whole helping-people-and-linking-to-resources thing, talked to and consumed the material of people more educated than I am, and eventually started kind of knowing what I was doing to a certain degree. I wasn't arrogant by any means, but I was a little more confident in myself. I got better at explaining stuff and made that clip post that I'm still quite proud of.
One thing I never told anybody before is the reason I spent so much time still learning and still helping: I wasn't actually satisfied with my voice just yet. It's quite the systemic problem really; most people who figure out the secret sauce have no reason to remain here, especially when they get nothing (or even less) in return. The thing I like blaming for my lack of vocal prowess is the fact that I live in... imperfect conditions for a transgender person practicing their voice. I can't exactly have a VFE routine since those get quite loud, nor can I start habitualizing my voice effectively (since that would require both never leaving my room and only speaking at a restrictively low volume in there to avoid suspicion). Things like yelling and overfullness have also been quite troublesome for similar reasons. Is this really the only reason I haven't gotten anywhere after flying way past the expected time-for-satisfaction for voice? I don't know. Maybe? I just want you to hold your "Oh I bet they've got some inherent FLAW in their throat that makes it UTTERLY IMPOSSIBLE for them to EVER make a pleasant female-coded sound" horses for the time being. One can't draw valid conclusions from an experiment with so many non-standardized variables like this one, okay?
Anyway, yes, that's my deathly secret. Oh yeah, here's one more directed to Sumi the voice teacher: So, remember that time I made you like, completely reinvent a new term for "compression" because you thought the reason I strained during speech was because I was going off my own intuition regarding what the term means? Well, I wasn't actually doing that. I was actually already vocalizing in a horribly strained manner before and just happened to attempt your idea of compression (directly from the wiki) to that faulty template. Whoopsies!
Now that that's done, let's get to the offensive parts of this essay.

2. The deeply alienating uwu transbian culture

Here's a characteristic of these communities that's probably great if you're one specific flavor of person but utterly dreadful if you're anything else. I really wouldn't mind this as much if the thigh-high-wearing boymoders were just a small portion of the crowd, but it really feels like everybody around me is a gamer catgirl even though that's obviously not true. With all due respect, my dear 4chan-browsing nyaa smol beans, you really... claim the space, let's say. You're just a lot louder than everyone else and I feel like it makes those of us who aren't inclined to skirt-go-spinny-on-the-blahaj feel really isolated.
I also want to note that this isn't exactly just a problem with trans voice spaces in particular; most mainstream online trans spaces (especially those featuring younger people) also suffer from this severe pressure to act like the ideal cute-girl transfem you see on traa and egg_irl and such. It's to be expected, really, but it still upsets me that it's so hard to find people with a similar personality and/or self-expression to mine. If you feel as lonely in these communities as I do, I sincerely wish you the goddamn best in the world and want to let you know that I get it. I really do. I'm not about to tell you it's society or internalized transphobia or whatever, I'm just here to tell you that I truly understand how you feel.
There's also not enough trans men and generally masculine-presenting individuals 'round these parts, which again makes sense considering how unwelcoming big online spaces are to them and the seemingly lower demand for voice masculinization, but I still wish there was more of them.
So, to conclude my thoughts on this matter: It's alienation. I don't fit in with the "gib pats :3" folks and it just so happens that they are the dominant demographic in both these spaces and online trans spaces as a whole. Kind of unsolvable really but I might as well put it here in this totally-unnecessary farewell note. Try to stop me, I dare you.

3. Misinformation and the ungrateful bastards (tone shift much?)

Volunteering out of the goodness of your heart to help people unfortunately doesn't result in heartfelt "thank you"s and smiley face emojis. On some occasions, you get annoying entitled brats who think they have any semblance of a right to disrespect the ones providing them with this free-of-charge service. People just blazing with anger and throwing it at you as you try to explain to them that no, this 4chan sissification voice guide they found online IS awful and WILL be less effective at getting you the results you want. Now, obviously these people are severely mentally troubled for all sorts of reasons and the stress of voice training (which is its own topic) doesn't help, but there comes a point where this lack of discipline is just too much. You don't even KNOW how often I've seen people treat Selene (well-known teacher) with zero goddamn respect as if she's doing anything but helping them at the cost of her precious time. Something a lot of you (obviously might not be you specifically but also it MIGHT be you specifically) gotta understand is that you don't actually deserve our help and our time. I think I'll refrain from naming people here, but us volunteers are doing this and getting very little in return. Some people think we're part of a conspiracy to brainwash the masses and that we're all evil dumb idiots lying to get you to buy lessons from the teachers we've been employed by. That's not the case! We're just normal (well...) people wasting our priceless time on people who clearly aren't worthy of it!
Let me be clear here: This is what I (in bold) think. I don't want to see you harassing my fellow unpaid coworkers because I said some things you don't like. They absolutely have different philosophies than mine. I don't like you, but maybe they do, so show them the appreciation they deserve (and yes, they do deserve it cause they actually did something). If you just wanna scratch that harassment itch, I'm right here. Send me alllll the hate you've got.
The other thing this section shall be dedicated to is the pitiful state of information and methodology on here despite all of our best efforts. As an example, scroll through the front page on transvoice real quick and stop when you see a Voice Tools screenshot or video. Chances are that all it took was a few seconds to come across one of those. I tried it and I'm pretty sure it took me under half a minute on the crappy new big-man Reddit UI. Take a shot every time you see some poor soul obsessing over muscles and the larynx and the nebulous "resonance" (which never means the same thing no matter who you ask). It's all just a mess and that is made even worse by the existence of the snake oil proponents who resist the size/weight model on the grounds of "uhhh ummmm everybody learns differently" as they explain how you need to look at your throat in the mirror and trial-and-error your way into contracting the appropriate muscles. Ughhhhh. You know, I was around for that whole thing. I don't know if they still swear by this oropharyngeal-closure stuff in Scinguistics these days, but oh man people loved that gif of the lady terraforming her throat and uvula and would look you in the eyes and say "do something like this for OPC". Long-time residents of this subreddit remember that one user who would show up every once in a while to preach the gospel of Swallow-and-Hold 2 and have multiple heated debates with Cathy. God that lady was exhausting. You still sometimes get people saying Big Dog/Small Dog saved them or whatever, but hey, at least it's not the gosh-darn swallow exercise.
Honestly, I don't really care anymore about this neverending debate of which methods are better. All I'm gonna say is that Z (who explains stuff really vaguely now for some reason?), Selene, and Clover have the tools that are to me, the most sensible out there. I just don't respect those "mimicry doesn't work" randos, man, like how the heck did you learn the English language we're communicating in right now? How did you learn that horrible mock British accent you keep using for laughs? Through mimicry, that's how! You weren't thinking about your aryepiglottic sphincter and your thyroarytenoid muscles when you were screaming and crying as a small child because you had to go to school! Fortunately, I'm not interested in actually debating this with anybody, so feel free to completely ignore the cognitive dissonance bubbling up in your head right now if that's what brings you joy. I don't care (that much).

4. IS IT OVER FOR ME???? AM I ETERNALLY DOOMED TO BEING ASS AT VOCALISTICS????

This acts as a sort of follow-up to the previous section because we're still looking at the numerous troubles of volunteering. This time, it's the hopeless, depressed, extremely not-okay voice trainees who are unintentionally making things worse for everybody.
So, I often see people going like "voice training sucks and is super stressful" and such, and like, I understand what you're talking about, but also please, for the love of all that is golden, consider the fact that you're not just screaming into a vacuum when you say something like that. Maybe someone was already having a bad day with practice, and when they saw that, they got even more pissed off than they already were because what are these posts saying but "I should abandon all hope of ever being happy with myself; success is impossible and to give up is to be honest". It's just a really crappy vibe to spread and just makes everybody sadder. What's also just wonderful is when people expect you to be their unlicensed (and unpaid) therapist and also simultaneously blow up at you whenever you attempt to comfort them. It's a great time! I love it when stuff like that happens! I love it when people make things all about themselves and have no sympathy for their elders! I know I'm younger than every single one of you (except for you, Luna, I see you) but I'm really playing the role of the elder here when I have to help this mentally unstable child not explode. I didn't sign up for any of this shit when I decided I wanted to help people explore size and weight, man.
The fact that there's so many of these please-get-therapy-for-the-love-of-god children (they sometimes are literal minors but that's irrelevant) really ensured that I'll never work as a voice teacher ever. Can you imagine sitting with someone like that except you can't just leave the Discord channel???? AND THEN PEOPLE TREAT TEACHERS LIKE WEALTHY CAPITALIST ELITES! Shit makes no goddamn sense! You wouldn't last a second in the arena with a mentally ill college student!
However, the true horror appears when these people channel their trauma into rhetoric. All of a sudden, you get the only thing worse than comforting a sad stranger who hates you: debating a sad stranger who hates you. I welcome thee to the shittiest pits of trans voice discourse: The "should I just give up and die" war.
On one side, we're gonna gonna have team C (completely arbitrary letter choice by the way), which is the crowd that lives by the slogan "not everybody can succeed at voice training" and really wants to convince everybody of that. Then, we have what I like to call "the other andies", which are the resistive force battling the formidable team C in the marketplace of ideas and cat ear headphones. Team C and the Other Andies are a tale as old as time, one that is as eternal as the breeze of twilight. Let's look a little further into it.
Team C consists of people who are disillusioned with the messages they're given by popular voice teachers, naive students, and kids' shows: that you just gotta work hard enough and all your dreams will come true. They've arrived at a solid brick wall in their harrowing quest for a biologically female (or male) voice and they don't believe they have the zuzz it takes to get past this obstacle. Are they right? Hell if I know! It's really hard to properly get a picture of this demographic because I bet a lot of it is people who are simply in a horrible headspace and just need to try harder when they feel better, but I'm sure there's individuals in there with actual muscle problems and hearing/speech trouble and all sorts of other issues I can't shrug off in good faith. Furthermore, they kind of DO make a good argument when you take this little clip into consideration. Now I'm not one to jump to conclusions necessarily, but I think the contradiction between what Z says here what she tells to the public speaks to a wider problem among many of the Other Andies, which is that they often overpromise just to make you feel a little better about yourself (or to make you buy their stuff, I guess? Sometimes, maybe? I'm not a conspiracist).
Something special about the Other Andies is that they're not as much of a monolith as team C, which tends to say more-or-less the same stuff (you know the drill: some people can't do it, stop lying to us you scumbag pigs, etcetera). Some other andies say delusional shite like "99.99% of people succeed", while others carry the much more honest and respectable "you're probably gonna be okay". I like the latter subsection, the other other andies if you will. They're not riding the toxic positivity train, but they're also not shooting corrosive substances at your face, yknow? I still think this is a stupid fucking debate. You wanna train? Then do it. Can't do it? Then either you try harder or you make peace with what you've got. I'm not saying this from a position of privilege because my ass is MUCH closer to the vocal ability of a team C member.
This goes out to all my team C friends, possibly including the mysterious grand general of the movement if such an entity even exists. I'm... worried about you. It's really not healthy to spend so much of your life on a place you hate, talking about a topic you hate with people you hate, perceiving yourself as the only soldier standing between the small Voice City and the monstrous hurricane of false hope... Please let your trauma heal and move on from this place. I'm trying to do the same too, just work towards it. I understand and respect that you still find some purpose in helping others find their footing in this cold, dark world, but I think it's time you extend that courtesy to yourself. You're so much more than this and you deserve so much more happiness in this weird world. Allow yourself to start a new chapter with all of this headache- and heartache-inducing garbage behind.
You have it in you to make it out of this dumpster fire and finally live a more fulfilling existence. Is it gonna be hard? 100%, but we're gonna do it together, even if I don't even know who you are in the slightest. It's all about that little idea. That flame of ambition, to quote the Fell Omen. Keep the desire for a better life alive within you, and I wish you the motherfucking greatest quantity of luck.

6. The future of the Selene clip collection

The reason I didn't make this post earlier was because I was worried about what would happen to my dear resource collection if nobody was around to maintain it (since this account is almost certainly hitting the dectus at this point), but I've decided I'll delegate this task to a fellow volunteer. I haven't properly decided on how exactly this shall happen, but rest assured that your Selene clip supply may never run dry, my lovely friends that I absolutely did not insult the fuck out of for the past three thousand words.
That is all I have to say! May we never meet again. Was lovely, but I'm fucking TIRED, man.
[EDIT 10/05/2024: For the record, I am very very thankful for the nice responses here and a heart emoji goes out to you folks <3. I'm not really too informed about the whole language acquisition counterpoint thing that user brought up, but I respect them and what they're saying.
The Selene Clip Collection has been updated with a new announcement. One the GitHub organization becomes large enough, I'll finally be able to enter the florpus.

Whenever I’m in public and somebody’s kid says hi or tries to talk to me, I get extremely anxious and just wanna run away. I always hope their parent will take them away from me but they never do. The expectation of having to be friendly and bubbly with them is so frustrating because I don’t act like that with adults, so why do I have to change my whole demeanor to appease the kid? I hate emotional labor like acting all smiley and having to make my voice high and ask them dumb questions. They also invade my personal space and it’s a sensory nightmare. I’m also always anxious that they think I’m weird and won’t hesitate to insult me. I always just wait for them to make some embarrassing observation about me. I do want kids of my own one day because I feel like it’s different when they’re your own. I’m also okay with them when they turn like 7 or 8. But as a woman, I feel so unfeminine for feeling this way about young kids. Women are supposed to be nurturing and they’re supposed to be naturally good with kids, but I am not. I’m awkward around them and I feel like that discomfort is even more embarrassing when other adults (ex. The kid’s parents) witness it.

Two staff who JUST met me have alluded to it in a room full of students (thanks 🙄). A few students also suspect it too and ask probing questions trying to see if I react.
Essentially what it is, is that my tutor who is only about 35 (I’m 24 postgrad) seemed to have a crush on me. Conversationally we have a natural chemistry and we obviously think in a similar way. I think there might have been a few moments but I’ve never seen him outside class. He invited me to come back after class a few times in the first term when we just met. I declined at the time because I felt that it could go somewhere and I didn’t want it to happen. I think that could have been what started the rumour.
At times when he had to give formal feedback he was struggling to be “harsh” like he is with the others. One teacher noticed and accused me of getting him to do my work for me (obviously later it became obvious that I do my own work). I do think he has a crush on me and is confused about his feelings (he’s in a long term relationship).
We had a very brief and subtle falling out for two weeks. I think he felt that I was giving mixed signals and was hurt over it and he refused to print stuff for me after he said he would 6 times over three weeks. So I called him out in class, he tried to be snarky and said “well there’s nothing stopping you from printing?”, then he noticed I was mad and he made up an excuse that there had been print queues. I said if that if that was the reason then he should have told me. He was about to start denying but stopped mid sentence and had to leave the room for a few moments to calm down. I could tell he was sorry when we had our 1:1 time in class, but I felt it was necessary for me to be harsh because he was basically acting on his feelings instead of doing his job.
I think he had a few ego moments since then and I don’t like him so much anymore because I feel he’s not being subtle and he’s fuelling the rumour. But he hasn’t done anything hugely inappropriate yet. Generally he seems happy to see me. When I enter class he tends to look at me more than the others, he’s more helpful and much kore complimentary and smiley with me. There’s another tutor (female) in her 50s who likes to act like she’s best friends with him and other staff. She’s kind of awful at times and was laughing at student’s work during the assessment presentations and she noticed he was totally ignoring it because I was sitting on the other side of him.
The whole thing is confusing because technically nothing has happened. I can tell he likes me (a lot of tiny things I noticed, like he’s definitely lurking on my Twitter), and I think if we hadn’t met in this context then I might have liked him back. But the snarky comments from the new teacher last week who had JUST met me really pissed me off. She saw something I had designed and immediately asked if he had done it for me. Bare in mind this was in an elective class that has nothing to do with his area, and he wasn’t in the room let alone in the building. Not only is it insulting implying that I didn’t do my own work (I’m actually the talent scholar so of course I have decent skills!) but I feel like I’m being judged for his behaviour.
He’s kind of… the “cute” teacher on campus. He’s one of the few male staff who aren’t gay I guess and he’s on the younger side. He’s only been at the school for a year and he doesn’t seem like the type to go after students. I don’t see him act like this with other people. I wonder if they have a reason to suspect him already or if the rumour is just going around about me (I stick out at the school for other reasons and maybe that’s just also adding fuel to the rumour). Idk tbh.

Hi all, I'm currently in the process of getting diagnosed (I've filled out a written test, my SO did one about me, and my mom tried to do a parent one but it didn't go really well bc of issues we have with each other). Now I'm doing verbal interviews with psychologists.
I've been reading about and trying to understand autism for I think almost two years now. And I recognize SO much, stuff that I could never explain I suddenly have words for (autistic inertia, for example). I relate to so many things (not all of them), and I've felt way more accepting towards myself when considering it might be autism.
The problem is...childhood symptoms. I don't think I have any. It became very obvious when I was filling out the parent test with my mom. Like the only things that stand out to me is that I apparently chewed my hair as a kid, and have always had trouble with eating certain foods. But the whole social aspect? The baby-not-reacting stuff, the not smiling stuff? None of that. I was a super cheery smiley baby/toddler. I was bullied in primary school (nothing extreme, just wasn't really allowed to play with the others) and I was always quite an anxious child, but... I always knew how social rules worked, I was always polite, I always smiled and said thank you, I understood people's feelings, faces, thoughts.
I know that a big part of the autism assessment is the childhood part. And I know that some people don't even do the parent test bc they don't have access to their parents. But I'm so terrified I won't get the diagnosis. I know it sounds weird but I want so badly for it all to make sense, that my weirdness is a Certified Researched Weirdness™ and not just plain Dunno Whats Wrong With You Weirdness. I hope I'm not insulting anyone by saying this, I do realize I have a lot of internal ableism (I think). It's just that... shit has been clicking together SO MUCH for the past few months, and I'm so scared I won't get the diagnosis and then it'll be like "ok so you DONT belong here". Like I can't read up on autism anymore, I can't move around in those spaces anymore, I can't google autism specific things anymore. Because it feels like I'm not allowed. I know I still am, and all my friends tell me "if it helps you, it helps you, you are allowed access to stuff that helps you with your mental health, label or not". And rationally I know this but emotionally? Nooooo. It feels so, so bad.
I'm having big trouble accepting the way the DSM works. I find it very very weird that someone could have like 95% autism symptoms, but not enough for the "treshold", and then they are labeled "not autistic"?? Then what are they?? Because for sure they're not neurotypical either?? I get that it's hard to categorize people into man-made categories but... I don't know, I just have such a hard time getting over the idea that you're either autistic, or you're not, and there's NO inbetween. And I'm so scared they'll put me in the "not" category.
Has anyone else experienced this fear, or has anyone gotten diagnosed but with close to zero childhood symptoms? :( any tips on how to deal with this?

I was raised by a single mother. My dad was not around much and abandoned me at some point during my childhood. So most of my life it’s just been my mom and I (no siblings). I think part of the reason for my dad disappearing from my life was their messy & sudden divorce and him not wanting to deal with my mother. She blamed everything on my father, he was painted as a psychopathic, evil & violent man (not sure if he actually was abusive, at least not towards to me). As an adult I’ve realized she is not mentally stable and she has this malicious side about her when it comes to relationships with other people. Just a heads up: my native language is not English so I’m trying to explain these examples the best ways I can.
Sorry it’s a long post & thank you if you read it all.
• She is very impulsive, says one thing then does something complete opposite.
• Got angry easily when I was a kid, I don’t remember much from childhood because I seem to suffer from cPTSD, but I remember not being allowed to cry. She didn’t console me but instead told me I was a difficult child and should be put into some institution if my emotions were too difficult for her to deal with. I was not allowed to show anger so I became depressed very young. She blamed my dad for this (who was not even in my life and had never took part in raising me as they lived in different countries - very complex relationship & family situation which I don’t really understand even now as an adult).
•Tried to keep me very close to her. She didn’t have real friends (not even today), or her friendships ended for some reason. I was kind of like her best friend & company during childhood & teenage years. She has never had any hobbies (besides drinking too much).
• Manipulative: talks badly behind other people’s backs and in her stories (most of them are made up lies or she exaggerates something) she is always the better person or the victim. She turned me against my family on her side (cousins etc) while telling them what a terrible person I was. I guess her goal was to keep me isolated in some way, so I wouldn’t have any other family to turn to apart from her.
•Everything seems to be about her. Even when I graduated from HS, she held a speech that was mostly about her: how proud she is that she has been able to raise me alone and that I am now educated and have a bright future ahead of me thanks to her help. She has never helped me other than payed for most of my high school books when I was still underage. My academic and some other educational achievements since then are something she loves to talk about to other people: I do not seem to have any other reason for existence than to make her proud so she has something to brag about.
•Lies a lot. Makes up stuff other people have said or told her, only for me to find out from these people they never said anything similar she has described. This is VERY scary for me as I have only realized now as an adult how much she lies about other people. These lies are usually triangulation or to make her look like a victim.
•She portrays this out-going, talkative, smiley person who has a sense of humor. Especially to strangers. She is somewhat socially awkward though, has no idea what is socially acceptable to say. It’s hard to explain this, but usually people think she is very strange as she can’t keep her mouth shut and she jumps from one topic to another (or tells her exaggerated stories which normal sane people realize are not true).
•She let her boyfriend (or maybe this was someone she had just recently met as I only have one memory of him) sexually abuse me, I was maybe 6 or 7.
•She is VERY critical of other people, complains a lot and never has anything good to say about anyone. UNLESS it is a person she can benefit from or she has some other motive. She may say something nice to me or compliment me, then follows it with an insult or ”hides” an insult in a sentence, and pretends like she doesn’t understand she has done anything wrong.
•Blames other people, takes zero accountability for anything. Seems to think she is better than everyone else who has no flaws. What I’ve noticed is she isn’t very smart and hasn’t achieved much in life. She has a very basic, low-education level job but talks about it as if she’s the most important person in the whole organization. She is irreplaceable, and her job is sooo demanding, so she’s very tired after work days. Has a victim-mentality when it comes to work, she claims to be doing more than everyone else in her team etc. I know that this isn’t true since she is extremely lazy and likes to feel comfortable.
•Never apologizes. Has no respect for other people’s boundaries or private matters. E.g. shares information about me that I’ve told her to not share or discuss with other people (I do not share anything with here anymore since I became aware of this).
•Talks badly and belittles other people’s struggles in life or illnessess, has no empathy or understanding UNLESS she is in a situation in which she wants to make herself seem like a good, caring person.
•Her interests and opinions change a lot depending on who she’s with. Has no stable sense of identity or opinions of her own.
I could give so many more examples but the post is getting too long. Anyways, I personally believe she is a covert narcissist. Shows some signs of borderline too - or what do you think?
I guess I’m here writing to seek support and similar experiences with parents like mine. She is so strange, manipulative and can’t be trusted with anything, however I do not YET have the chance to go full no contact. :/
I know it makes no real difference whether she is NPD or BPD or both, but I am trying to understand her behavior now that I am FINALLY aware that she is not normal. I’ve been to therapy for years for several reasons, but I find it difficult to discuss my mother there, and it doesn’t help me much. I seem to feel worse every time I think about her so I avoid it.

He was not a good father, but he was my father. It doesn’t make sense and I feel stupid for missing him, but I do.
He passed away 3 years ago, due to cancer caused by drinking and smoking so much. He was an alcoholic and was abusive towards my mom, he would insult her, was overly jealous and did not let her study or be herself. He was not a good person to my mom.
However, the last few years he lived with us, he was really good and sweet to me. I think he was trying to manipulate me into staying with him after the divorce, but sometimes my brains does this funny thing where we just pretend he loved me.
He made my favorite food, would wait for me to arrive from school with warm food and his company. I would tell him about my day, about funny things that happened, he would laugh a lot. He always kissed me goodnight before sleeping and would tell a funny joke every night. I would pretend the jokes were not funny because he loved that. He would make fries and one of them would have a smiley face, I felt so lucky when I found these.
When he passed away I just wanted it to be a joke, until I saw his casket and all his family crying. They had no idea what we went through at home before my parents got a divorce. They just knew he had problems with “drinking too much”, I felt angry, but also sad. I thought he would ask me for help to stop drinking, but it never happened.
Last night I dreamed about him again. I was swimming in a pool and I saw him there. I was shocked! “I thought you died dad”, he told me he was in fact not dead, he needed to run away for a bit, and he was better now. But then big waves came towards us and I lost him again. He was smiling. I was happy I saw him again. Then I woke up.
I sometimes try to fool myself that he sometimes appears in my dreams or in the form of an animal to say hello. I really wish that was true. I miss my dad, despite everything he did and I feel stupid.

For some context : I (F20) live with my boyfriend (M22) since a year. I live in France, meaning all our medical expenses are covered by the government and public university (where I go) is almost free, about 250€ a year. My mom (F50) and dad (M51) are sending me an allowance to do my studies.
Today, my mother send a message to the group chat, asking my boyfriend how he wants them to give him the money for the technical control of his car (not sure for this word, basically a kind of exam a car have to pass every period to be sure it's safe to drive). My boyfriend said they can send me the money on my bank account and that I could then give it to him, because it'll be easier than having a check (he's not someone well organized and he's fully aware of that)
My mother answered him saying she would not do that because I would keep the money for me, with some laughing smileys. I got angry, because I had nothing to do with their agreement. I answered her saying that I do not appreciate what she was saying, because she was basically saying I was a thief. She insisted, asking "honestly, if I'm sending you some money, do you really give them to your boyfriend ? 😂" I answered, saying it was really upsetting that she doesn't trust me, and that of course, I would send him this money
Then she claimed it was a joke, i said it was not funny and because it was a joke doesn't mean I didn't feel bad. She didn't answered on the group chat but she send me a dm, saying I was an absolute brat because they are giving me an allowance and they pay for the car, which we never asked them to do because my boyfriend has a well payed job and we can fully handle this bill by our own
I didn't answered this text yet and I didn't planned to because I feel like I have to apologize to her. The allowance they are giving me is about a third of the amount my boyfriend is making a month, so I am very thankful for that, and I work hard since the beginning of my studies to get good grades. During every school breaks since two years I get a job to not be a burden for them. I don't know what to do now. I love my mom but I don't want her money if she's using it to insult me. I also know that if I say that, she'll never talk to me again and I don't want this to happen too. Aita ? What can I do ?

SPOILERS AHEAD!
Here’s my ranking of the characters as well as my brief thoughts and favorite moment of each character. Obvious disclaimer, these are just my opinions about them; not an in-depth analysis of their characters.
I didn’t add that much context to my favorite moments just in case you haven’t seen it but still decided to read this post. You should also know that those moments aren’t really supposed to be relevant to my opinion of them.
MAIN SQUAD:

1. Holt - I love how his demeanor makes him a character that is full of surprises. You’ll never know if he’ll say "I am feeling trepidation at the prospect of a parent-less existence” or “yas kween [snaps]" next. Favorite moment: Him having a showdown against a random street dancer.
2. Jake - Best character development on the show, not to mention really smooth. You’ll only realize how much he grew if you deliberately look back. Plus, I identify with how immature he is sometimes. Favorite moment: When Jake slipped a pen in Doug Judy’s pocket.
3. Terry - He’s a really caring sergeant and dad who’s very in touch with his feelings. I’d love to have a dad like Terry (yes, over Holt and Kevin). Favorite moment: Terry carrying the Vulture over his shoulders when the Vulture wanted to raid the store.
4. Amy - I really find her lovable especially with all the nerdy stuff and how it slips out of her despite being around people who are too cool for school (except Holt). Her feeble attempts to fit in are so adorable. Favorite moment: Every time she stands up to Holt and walks out secretly freaking out.
5. Rosa - Such an awesome character. Feels kinda forced sometimes but I never found it obnoxious or hard to watch. I love how she’s secretly a softie who actually cares about her friends no matter how much she tries to hide it. Favorite moment: Her speaking loudly and rolling around the bullpen on her chair while hopped up on cold medicine.
6. Gina - Actually the only reason Gina is down here is because I like the first five more. I kinda see why some people hate her, but I couldn’t bring myself to feel that way. The way she acts like she doesn’t care about her job but does it well anyway is so funny and amazing to me. Like Rosa, she cares about her friends more than she thinks she does. Favorite moment: Monologuing as she was surrounded by fascinated psychologists who were taking notes.
7. Scully - He’s actually a sweet oaf and obviously the better one between him and Hitchcock. Even though he’s depicted as an idiot, sometimes his talents come in handy. We must also acknowledge that young Scully was hot AF. Favorite moment: Scully quickly matching up a page from a truckload of shredded paper.
8. Charles - I respect how he’s such a loyal friend to Jake, but the guy has zero boundaries. I really can’t stand him most of the time, especially around Jake. He's okay to watch around the other characters, but he has ruined a lot of great Jake-centric moments. He's also really condescending towards Terry. On the plus side, he’s really comfortable in his own skin, not at all egotistic, and really embraces his character. He really is a sweet guy, though. Favorite moment: When he managed to “beta” Gina into helping him deal with Pimento.
9. Hitchcock - I can’t even think of a good thing to say about Hitchcock. He’s creepy AF and his lines aren’t even funny; it’s just disgusting. Well at least he’s a good friend to Scully and can be a great detective when it comes to food and other stuff they care about. Favorite moment: His proud partner moment as Scully sang at Holt’s party.

RECURRING CHARACTERS:

1. Cheddar - No explanation needed. Favorite moment: Cheddar licking a sundae off the ground.
2. Wuntch - I like her because she’s the only one who brings out Holt’s pettiness and creativity as he conjures fresh insults (always fun to watch). For some reason, her trying to ruin Holt doesn’t piss me off. I guess it’s because their relationship—in Holt’s words—was an epic chess match which, I find, was a very great addition to the whole storyline. Favorite moment: Opening her coat in front of Holt, revealing herself dressed only in lingerie.
3. Doug Judy - I love how he and Jake are so in sync. Of course he has tricked Jake so many times, but at least they’re so fun to watch together that every episode with Doug Judy is a treat. In fact, his song at the all-ages piano lounge adults only show gave me the best laugh out of the entire series. Favorite moment: “A little bit to the left. My left, my left, my left, my left.”
4. The Vulture - He’s a horrible guy, but the reason why I don’t hate episodes with the Vulture that much is because the squad almost always gets their revenge. It’s always so satisfying to watch the Vulture become “out-vultured.” Favorite moment: His version of how he’ll arrive at the crime scene where CJ would be kidnapped.
5. Kevin - Him slowly developing a relationship with the squad is so adorable. Absolutely the perfect match for Holt. Favorite moment: Citing out his long debate moderator license number over the phone.
6. Pimento - He’s so unhinged and chaotic it’s funny. I’m glad he’s just a recurring character, though. It would’ve been an overkill otherwise. Favorite moment: When he hurriedly walked away from Gina’s desk after being stopped from getting jelly beans.
7. CJ - I like him, but he’s not that interesting as a character. I sometimes get frustrated when he’s too much of a dumbass. Favorite moment: Him sadly resting his chin on a table when he lost an evidence.
8. Lt. Hawkins - She’s horrible. The only reason she's ahead of John Kelly is because she's a badass. Favorite moment: Her first appearance in the series where she reveals the perps Rosa and Jake caught were actually undercover cops.
9. John Kelly - The smiley, obnoxious villain that gets into everyone’s nerves because he doesn’t display the emotion we want to see. At least he gave Jake the opportunity to create the Suicide Squad. Favorite moment: “What just happened?”
10. Roger - Ugh. Favorite moment: His sweet moment with Mr. Santiago in the hospital after he accidentally cut off his thumb.

ROMANTIC INTERESTS/PARTNERS/EXES (no description):

1. Sharon
2. Sophia
3. Marcus
4. Genevieve
5. Jocelyn
6. Vivian
7. Frederick
8. Teddy
9. Eleanor
10. Jenny Gildenhorn

I will start by saying this: If you have seen this post many times, you do not need to comment, it's literally reddit, a space for conversation and discussion. I need to VENT.
I will also say that I adored Nessian in Acomaf and Acowar and that SJM gave us the best buildup. Now, I also loved that she introduced the character of Nesta Archeron who is not your typical smiley, bubbly heroine and who is not perfect. Like, finally (imo, don't come at me) we get a female character that is complex and that has to do some inner work. SJM did an excellent job on her healing arc. I appreciated the idea that Nesta saves herself and isn't a damsel in distress needing rescue. Female friendships were the star on this book, Gwyn and Emerie, along with the house, literally brought her back by not judging her and loving her for who she is. They didn't make her do things she didn't want to do, like attend a holiday party. So I will state that I love what SJM did in this regard and ACOSF is my favourite book from this series because how well she represents female friendships and Nesta's healing.
However, let's talk about the love story:
During my first read, I was so immersed in Nesta's character that I overlooked several red flags and I was even a die-hard cassian fan. However, upon new re-reads, I found myself growing to dislike Cassian and I'm trying to figure out if it's me being paranoid as a reader or that what happens during their romance is not something to be accepted:

• We went from ACOWAR to ACOFAS where he is flirting with another woman (the same woman he drops her hand for in Acowar) and exchanging lingerie gifts in front of Nesta to INSULTING her and saying that he doesn't understand why her sisters love her because she refuses his gift. The number of comments that I've seen of people hating on Nesta for refusing his gift after the shit he pulls on her and saying how evil she was for that. Like, did we read the same book and you are trying to tell me Nesta was in the wrong here? Also, SJM made Nesta apologize to HIM for this, so I'm assuming it's me not reading it correctly?
• Rhys threatens her to go 'outside' on her 'intervention' and him not say anything (he physically threatened her here!!). Cassian knows they are mates at this point. And they ALL know he has feelings for her. If Az can smell the mating bond between Elain and Lucien, the IC can do the same for Cassian and Nesta. Which is even more frustrating after the way they treat Nesta during the whole book.
• Mor: the way he describes her as a 'work of art' is more romantic than anything he thinks about Nesta (thanks, SJM, we know she has big boobies, but I don't know, maybe something else?). When he says she should be in the CON and he doesn't get angry at that? When she laughs and smirks when Cassian tells her that Nesta is in the house sleeping? Funny how they all understood PTSD for Feyre but not for Nesta. It's not like she didn't helped them win a war or sacrificed herself for it. Their weird relationship is never addressed either. What also upsets me is that he only STOPPED flirting with her as soon as he and Nesta started sleeping together or a bit prior to that. He continued doing it in front of her (acowaacofas) even when we all knew he liked her and wanted to be with her. That's the respect you show to someone you like/love and care about?
• Amren insulted her and actively bullied her in front of the whole IC after she was nearly killed. She called her a 'waste of life' when she was clearly depressed and suicidal. IMAGINE if Nesta would've said that to Feyre. No amount of SJM redemption books would've brought Nesta's character back from that comment.
• The famous hike that we all hate. What pisses me off is that just after Rhys threatens to kill her, Cassian is on that damn mountain telling Nesta how one of his biggest regrets was not being there for him when Amarantha took over. Mmmm, he just threatened your mate, maybe now it's not the time to talk about him? I hated that Rhys didn't get any consequences for the secret-keeping and that Nesta was punished during the hike to appease his feelings (not Feyre's) as if he were the victim. But hey, how dare Nesta call Rhys an asshole? Again, SJM is trying to make me side with Rhys and Cassian as the true victims of Nesta spilling the beans. What also upsets me is that nobody ever apologized to her for voting on her behalf, which is what triggered her to explode in the first place. I wish she would've left the NC right then.
• When the bond snaps and he leaves her to go to a stupid snowball fight? Like, I thought that you had been waiting for this moment forever, you could have skipped it a few days? But your friends, yet again, are more important? (from everything he has done to her this, to me, showed clearly he would NEVER put her first). The bond snaps, and you are happy you get to have a mate and move on with your life for a week? I thought mates were extremely protective. The excuse SJM gives about it is too poor for what we understand about mating bonds.
• At the beginning of the book he is having a conversation with Az about wanting kids in the future and he says that he didn't find the right person because 'deep down he was waiting for the mating bond' so clearly, its about having a mate. How, as a reader, am I supposed to be convinced that he loves her for her?
• Never declaring his love for her and as soon as she freaks out about the mating bond, insulting her with the shackled comment?

I just can't. Is this supposed to be romantic? The ongoing berating and punishing of her and enabling his friends to talk so badly of her, as if her integrity was nothing important to be protective of. I hate that this is what SJM gave us. Complex, fierce women also deserve kindness, care and devotion. In the same way we also see MANY times the other way around with complex males and sensitive caring female leads. I hate that she made Nesta apologize to people who have been SO CRUEL to her. What the heck did she do to any of them, truly? Nesta might have said some mean things to Cassian during the whole 5 books but he has been cruel to her: I'm not going to lose sleep at night when a 500-year-old fae gets sassed by his 25-year-old love interest, like be a bit more mature, boo. The only conversation and apology that was needed and never got was between Feyre and Nesta talking about their stuff, privately.
And what I hate the most is that because Nesta is already a polarizing figure, many believe that this treatment is ok, that she deserved having Cassian say 'Everyone hates you'. Question: if Rhys had treated Feyre like this in Acomaf would the readers have accepted this behaviour? I don't think so.
I hate the idea that SJM wanted me, the reader, to side with the IC or Cassian regarding the mistreatment of Nesta just because she wasn't immediately bubbly and open to them. Nesta deserved healing, patience and love. Just like any other FMC and I hate that she didn't get a proper romance either, like the ones she likes to read. The healing with the love story could've been linked beautifully if she had been given just that. The self-hatred that Nesta suffered paired with Cassian's patience and love would have been the perfect balance. And I do think that he was the perfect MMC for that, she needed someone with a strong personality to handle her. But SJM refused to write it like that. Instead, we got someone who seemed to not understand boundaries or know how to set them with his own family. He had experience and knowledge of PTSD/Trauma for the years he spent in battle, and yet, there were moments when it felt like he didn't understand it. Uh, SJM had the perfect material and setting to confront this!
I have also seen a lot of discourse of people stating that Cassian felt rejected by Nesta so he wasn't going to immediately side with her, that he has been friends with the IC for over 500 years and that it can be hard to be constantly be in the middle and that Rhys is his HL, so there's a hierarchy. Perfect, we had a 750-page book to confront this: Why was this not discussed and explored in his POV? Plus, he can be his HL but if my 'brother' pulled any shit with the women I cared about, I would stop attending his dinners. The lord of Bloodshet cannot give the cold shoulder to his family?
We are now officially moving on to the next couple and SJM is trying to convince me that she gave us their HEA. So, I don't know how I'm supposed to accept this and I guess I will have to because I'm getting the next damn book lol. But after everything he has done to her, I don't know how SJM will convince me to root for them, for him! and that this treatment is supposed to be acceptable. They were my favourite ship. Pro-Nessians care to convince me? because the more I read their love story, the angrier I get. There are cute moments between them, and I loved seeing him make an effort with her, like his acts of service with the gift giving and training her and the priestesses, but I just don't know if it's enough to balance all the other negative aspects and believe me, I'm trying! Their story had SO much potential!
I loved that their love language is physical touch, I just wished that besides the sex, which was something Nesta wanted so I'm not going to argue on that, it could have been explored further in different ways, not only through intercourse.
Also, for anyone saying she should be with Eris, I highly doubt SJM will break them up, especially after dedicating a book to Nesta's mental health journey with Cassian as a central figure. I'd prefer if Nesta chose to fly off to the Dusk Court with the Valkyries and swore off men forever, these men clearly can't handle strong women lol.
What most people wanted out of ACOSF was for Cassian to just give a shit about Nesta the way Rhys did to Feyre after he took her from Spring. That’s it. Some love, care, and devotion when a character is at their lowest and I wonder if SJM realized this once the book was out. I wish she realized it and republished the book with a better love story lol.
So if any pro-nessians, or not, care to share I would love to hear your thoughts because I don't know if I watched too much Pride and Prejudice or that I'm overanalyzing something and I'm wrong about their love story.
edit:grammar & added stuff
edit 2: I know that there are a lot of people who prefer Eris, but I still prefer Cassian. Eris punched Feyre in the face in Acowar and that, to me, is unforgivable. Cassian is one of the good ones, kind, funny, loyal and again, is the product of horrible conditions. I love his potential and the idea of his growth. It's normal to have a weird co-dependency with the IC as they took him in when he had nobody. I just wished this had been addressed in the book. I truly believe that the pairing between Nesta and Cassian was a good one and that with a healed Nesta they are capable of achieving great things together. Their contrast is perfect: she is meant to be a leader and him to serve. I just feel like SJM didn't deliver and made him more cruel and not understanding at points. I loved him in ACOWAR and I wish she kept him like that in ACOSF. I love that they are not feysand and I truly like Cassian, I just wished I would've seen more of his admiration, not only physical, and respect towards her and I feel that there were many missed opportunities and after how lonely and depressed Nesta had been for years, I wished she had had a better love story.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/OkOrganization9552 (Husband) and u/ThrowAwayWifeNBaby (Wife) posting in AITAH
Ongoing as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Thanks to u/Separate_Kick3186 for finding this BORU
Original - 10th February 2024
Update - 7th April 2024
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AITA for kicking my wife out after she punched my mom in the face?
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My situation went from bad to worse in a matter of a week and I don't know where else to turn. I need to know if I was wrong. Possibly a validation thing because life is fucking dumb right now. My wife and I have been together for 8 years and she just gave birth to our first (and last) baby 2 months ago. Up until my wife got pregnant, my mom loved her.
I'm not sure wtf is wrong with my mom or why the switch happened but after my wife got pregnant, my mom started being very clingy to me and started avoiding my wife at all costs. Told everyone she wasn't excited about the pregnancy, etc. I threatened to go no contact with her when my wife was about 7 months along and after that she snapped out of it for the most part and stopped being so ignorant. The comments 100% stopped, at least. Though she still was clinging to me.
Now, a week ago my mom, my sister, my sister's husband and my sister's daughter (12) came over for dinner. I prepared the meal. Before my wife could eat anything, our daughter got fussy so my wife excused herself to go feed the baby and get her down to sleep.
I thought I prepared enough but apparently not because my niece was still "starving" (she's 5'5" and 190lbs, I haven't seen her in a year and she was not that size then so I didn't exactly portion in an extra 3 helpings for a child- so it's on me). I apologized and told her that I hadn't made any more and offered her crackers, as I was putting my wife's portion in the fridge. After that, I just went outside with my sister's husband to smoke a cigarette and shoot the breeze. Didn't think anything of it. But then I hear yelling from inside.
When I walk in, my wife and my mom were screaming at each other. Apparently my mom (who saw me put my wife's food away) gave my niece my wife's portion of food. As I was walking inside, I heard my mom say "looks like you can afford to skip a meal" and slapped my wife's stomach. Right as soon as I get ready to step in (literally fast walking toward them yelling "enough"), my wife winds back and punches my mother square in the face and drops her. The whole house went silent outside of my mom crying and holding her face. I tell everyone to "get the fuck out".
Immediately everyone leaves and my wife just turns toward the counter and leans with her hands on the counter and face down, eyes closed. I look at my wife and say "you too, leave, now." She says "really?" She's crying at this point. I say a clipped "yup". She packs up her and the baby and leaves.
I text her that night and say I just need space. I need to decompress and come to terms with what just happened. She doesn't respond. The next 5 days I'm texting and calling and I get nothing. She shows up here today (so 8 days later) and hands me divorce paperwork and my baby and says "here, you have a bit to hang out with her while I pack. Where I'm breastfeeding we can work out a visitation schedule that is either at your place or my mother's until she will take a bottle."
I told her that's not what I want. I don't want to separate. I just needed time to process her punching my mother in the face. She said "you needing time to process gave me time to process the fact that I refuse to be in this situation any longer. I defended myself.
I initially felt bad and remorseful but you making me leave when I needed you made me see more clear. I'm done. I'm sorry for what I did but there's no fixing this." She refused to speak to me at all the rest of the time that she was here. My house feels so empty and I don't know what to do. AITA for making her leave after she punched my mom? I just needed some fucking space.
ETA: for the record, I am "team wife". My mom deserved it, wholeheartedly, and I've blocked her completely from my life. I literally just needed time to process what happened. My wife is a lot of things, violent is not one of them. So this came completely out of left field and would not have happened without her being provoked.
After it all happened, my mom sent me a text saying "See! I told you she was crazy! That fat bitch doesn't belong in our life." I'm willing to bet she purposely tried setting my wife off. So no, I'm on my wife's side 100%. I truly just needed to process what happened and my wife took it as me giving up on her, not defending her and throwing her and our baby out (which did essentially happen because I knew she had to take the baby with her when I kicked her out).
eta: the reason "why": my dad was stupid abusive. I was beat. My sister's and brother were beat. My mom was put in the hospital multiple times. It took years for police to enforce restraining orders and he finally died in 2013. Violence scares the fuck out of me. I clam up and get anxious around violence of any kind now. My wife knows this and she too grew up with a violent dad (step dad) and she gets just as anxious and panicky around violence.
Her punching my mom in the face triggered an anxious response and I needed her gone in that moment. I needed it far away from me. I don't know why I didn't just leave. I could have. But in that moment I just let my emotions and fear run the whole fucking circus and told everyone to get out, her included. My mom did slap her first.. I guess for some reason I was seeing my wife's punch as being worse than the slap. It wasn't a hard slap but my wife did kind of wince, looking back on it now. She was fine following but my mom was bleeding. Split her eyebrow open in good shape. Idk.
thanks for the responses. I'm the AH. I'm going to try to go kiss ass now.
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Comments
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celticmusebooks
So... to recap: You allowed your mommy to verbally abuse your PREGNANT wife for MONTHS (but still invited her into YOUR WIFE'S home). You stood there while your mother insulted and PUNCHED YOUR WIFE in the abdomen where she's been growing YOUR CHILD for the past nine months. Then when your PROVOKED wife defended herself from your bag of garbage mother you put your wife and child out of their home so you could process. SERIOUSLY, you put your wife and infant child out of THEIR HOME instead of YOU leaving to pull yourself together and stop being a mamma's boy.
You showed your wife who you truly were that night. A "less than". Not a real husband, not a real father, not a real man. How is she ever supposed to "unsee" that?
YTA dude a HUGE AH.
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Trailsya
Your bitch mom is the one who got physical first. YTA

My wife is a lot of things, violent is not one of them. So this came completely out of left field

Yeah, because she was DEFENDING herself from your bitch mom
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[deleted]
And instead of thinking “Holy crap! How have I let it come to this?” he booted his wife with infant out onto the street. I can’t see that there’s any coming back from this.
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NickelPickle2018
Processing what happened is one thing. But not supporting your wife and kicking her out is another. Your mom is out of line, if you would have checked her a long time ago it wouldn’t have gotten to this point. Your mom treated your wife poorly because YOU ALLOWED IT. Even your mom’s text that she sent you shows that she thinks that it’s ok to disrespect your wife. I guarantee your wife had been putting up with your mom’s crap for a long time. She’s had enough, you’re not going to win her back.
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Rude-Flamingo5420
This 100%. I understand some people need space, but kicking your wife out is a whole other spectrum of assholeness. HE could have gone for a walk and processed shit, kicking his wife out is just... he deserves this divorce unfortunately. He's definitely the AH
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Cayke_Cooky
He didn't even rethink when he saw she was leaving with the Baby. He essentially threw out his own child as well.
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a-_rose

• YTA your mother is an abusive pos and your wife reacted after she was provoked.
• You should have shut her down when she first start acting up.
• You should have set boundaries.
• You should have protected your wife who literally just grew and birth your child.
• You kicked your wife and baby out of their home.
• You need to process? Take a walk, go to a different room, watch a movie, see a friend.
• Congratulations you ruined your marriage over several months. This was the last straw that broke the camels back. Do the decent things and make separating easy.

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OOP comments

My mom did hurt her. She slapped her in the stomach and my wife winced back in pain before punching her in the face. As a few other people have pointed out.. I guess new moms have muscles separated in their abdomen so given the force that my mom slapped her in the stomach (like a little bit below the rib cage, full back handed slap, which could be heard from the door), I guess it's comparable to hitting my wife in her internal organs? Because her stomach muscles aren't healed? I just learned that.

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Idk. I can't justify it. I just let my own fear run the situation. Violence scares the shit out of me. I watched my mom get beat for years. My siblings and I were beat too but we weren't hospitalized. My wife punching my mom just immediately made the room spin and I wasn't thinking about the consequences of my actions from that point forward.

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I'm fully aware that my niece is fat. I'm assuming my mom made her that way (she lives with her). She did it with all her kids growing up. We were all fat fucks because she overfed us (ie: fat kids are happy kids). None of the night made sense.

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Starting to see that. My wife sent me a text about 10 minutes ago, saying "look up emotional incest", with no context. Definitely describes what my mom's doing. I did completely block her but it won't help my case.

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**Judgement - YTA*\*
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Update - 2 months later from the wife
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I’m still grieving at the loss of my marriage, but my friend had notified me about my husband’s post that had too may specific details that were hard to ignore. To clarify, this is my first time on Reddit. I read my soon-to-be ex-husband’s post and wanted to give my side of the story and include details that he didn’t provide in his post.
For those who hadn’t read it, long story short, my husband kicked me out of the house after his mother had physically slapped my stomach in front of him and I punched her in self-defense. I loved my husband dearly but his lack of action regarding his mother’s behavior was extremely disgusting to say the least, I tolerated his mom’s behavior long enough until I couldn’t take it anymore as he had overlooked his mom’s behavior over and over again that finally I had enough.
I was still recovering after giving birth to his child when his mom slapped my stomach, and my husband exaggerated when he said it wasn’t a hard slap. The slap itself was hard enough to be heard by everyone in the room. I had lost it at this point when his mother slapped my stomach with a turd eating smirk that wasn’t visible from my husband’s point of view, at least that’s what my husband claimed.
I had a mental breakdown when my husband told me to leave after kicking everyone out of the house, you should have seen his face when he told me to get out with a straight face and without hesitation. Our baby was crying at this point before I left, and I couldn’t do anything but cry that night after I went to stay with my mother.
His mother sent me a text mockingly saying, "I am going to file charges against you for assault, you fat little whore!" Now stay the fuck out of our lives!" She ended the text with a smiley face at the end. I was livid and decided I did not want to be associated with this family anymore and served my husband divorce papers, and as you can guess he didn’t take it well and tried to get me to reconsider. I told him that he overlooked his mother’s behavior one too many times, and I was done with him and his inability to establish boundaries with his mother.
I recommended setting boundaries, but he didn’t think it was necessary even after I told him throughout the pregnancy about the nasty names his mother called me when he wasn’t around, and he always brushed it off, even though he did tell his mom to stop she would continue this behavior after a short pause for a while. Before I left after handing him divorce papers he begged me for another chance and told me he cut contact with his mother permanently.
I told him that he is sorry now that I handed him divorce papers and that he was too late to act now that I decided I wanted out of the marriage. I told him I loved him so much that he should look at it as a sign that if I didn’t than I would have divorced him long ago because he didn’t stand up for me multiple times. and I let his mother’s snarky comments and behavior slide at my mental expense.
I told him he needed help with the trauma because I understand that he is dealing with trauma since he already mentioned my abusive stepdad, but he didn’t even realize that his mother hadn’t gotten him help for his trauma that he is still being affected in his adulthood. What I can’t understand is why he didn’t leave if he needed some space instead of being such a heartless bastard and kicking our child out with me.
I’ve been ignoring his texts and calls ever since, and I’m waiting for a divorce hearing. Something that I wanted to point out is that his mother had attributed to his niece’s weight gain, since she lives with my husband’s sister to save money. I, once again, told my husband about his niece’s weight gain that it’s concerning that she weighs 190lb at such a young age, and she was indeed not that weight before.
On the day of the incident I was making the niece’s second portion of food and then my husband’s mother came towards me and snatched the plate out of my hands and said "I’ll do it myself, let me take care of it!" and when I tried to take the plate back his mother said "I know what to fucking do, you don’t know how to properly feed someone as healthy as my grandchild!"
I was shocked that she thinks that her grandchild’s weight was normal for her age. I couldn’t take this harassment or abuse any longer and my breaking point was reached when he kicked me and our child out of the house, now I need to do what’s right for our child because she doesn’t need to be in a toxic household where she has to witness the drama going on.
My soon-to-be ex-husband wants us to do marriage counseling, to which I have refused to do so because I am done with him. I’m starting to feel slightly guilty with his begging and gaslighting. I just want to be done with him. I’ve blocked him as recommended by my lawyer but he keeps reaching out through his other family members and siblings. What should I do to make him go away until the divorce hearing?
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Comments
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GarfieGirl
I read your husband's original post, he was very clearly the AH. Your post only confirms this.
As far as your question about getting him to leave you alone until the hearing, ask your divorce attorney if they can send him/his family members a cease and desist letter (or send it to his divorce attorney).
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Designer-Carpenter88
I remember telling your ex husband that he was the asshole. His #1 job as a husband is stick up for his wife. If my mother had slapped my wife, that would be the last time she saw either of us or our children.
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I feel so drained mentally and physically. Life and health insurance are like a myth to my Asian parents. When they get sick, they would rather spend THOUSANDS of pesos on herbal remedies rather than go to the hospital to get checked and fix their ailments permanently. When the pandemic hit, their two business went down (but they are not bankrupt since they still operate today) with no income generated, just nothing. We survived through the subsidies provided and some networks.
A little background for me. I did not have any hobbies (they said it was expensive). I did not ask for any allowance from them for anything unrelated to school since I know how hard it is to earn money. I did not join any clubs or group organizations while I was studying cause that only meant I needed to spend some money when there were events (I could not support it on my own since they would not let me get any job). I am a straight-A student—a school achiever. I have a scholarship at university so tuition fees are not a burden to them.
I was studying at a state university during the pandemic. Still, I had to stop studying (it is hard to maintain the school and personal errands, and many other matters affected this) to help my AP with the chores since working was not an option then. I tried applying for remote work, but I did not get any since I did not have any job experience. I had no work experience since when I was younger cause they would not let me get a summer job. It was like an insult to them that they were not providing enough to satisfy my needs or the outside world would not treat me better cause I was a kid who was born with a golden spoon (I am not. We are just slightly above the low-income household. Their income is just enough for our survival) and they were scared that I might move out soon quickly.
They got infected with the virus. So, imagine how chaotic, stressed, and sick we were. We have to endure that shit with herbal medications and shit because we cannot afford to get treated. They didn't have any emergency funds, any healthcare cards, or insurance that may help us.
It opened my eyes that I would never want to experience that shit again. Helpless, barely surviving. So after we recovered and lifted pandemic restrictions, I grinded so hard. I returned to studying and worked hard with school papers, my thesis, and my internship.
I was absorbed with the company I interned (it was a paid internship, btw). I got promoted, had a higher salary, and got a regularization paper, so my work benefits increased (I enrolled them as my beneficiaries for my health and life insurance). The only problem is my current work is 5 cities away from the house. Commuting takes at least two hours, back and forth. Again, they would not let me move out since I was expected to help my younger siblings with their studies and chores.
I also got a second job that pays at least twice my salary and is remote so that I could work along with my main job. Call me ambitious, or what, but I badly want to build my emergency funds so that when the time comes, I can shell out something and not end up helpless.
There was a recent accident where I needed to report to work; I started working at 8 and now must report on-site at 7. They are aware of my jobs, my work demands, schedule conflicts, responsibilities with siblings, and any shit. I was sleep-deprived and physically exhausted, and I had tons of work demands, work commutes, PH traffic, and having an Asian parent. So, I really don't have the energy to deal with their bullshit. They got mad at me for not giving them the smiley face they wanted and are now giving me the cold shoulder and silent treatment.
I am so tired..

Part 1: here
Part 2: here
Part 3: here
Part 4: here
Part 5: here
Part 6: here
Part 7: here
Part 8: here
Part 9: here
Part 10: here
Part 11: here
Part 12: here
Part 13: here
Part 14: here
Notes: Bright-Eyes gets his first look at the Gerwanthir home world. He has a brush with the Tabloid press.
Part 15:
Throughout the next several days Bright-Eyes found his condition much improved. He suspected Cass’ threats were the reason. They provided him with normal clothes and two hearty meals a day. They also removed the collar from his neck with no trouble at all unlike the first time since this one was a dud.
When Cass did eventually return she wasn’t alone. To his surprise with her was The Gerwanthir Admiral and Kalimbo. The latter holding a small bundle of papers. He eyed Cass suspiciously “What’s going on Cass?” She looked to her two acquaintances both of whom nodded urging her to speak. “The Federation has an offer for you, it’s one I think you should accept.” Bright-Eyes did not like the sound of that. “Go on.” He said. “The ship you arrived in was a prototype that would’ve proved problematic for the Federation. You know that. The Xenthians don’t know the Federation has it and is working on reverse engineering it as we speak. You will therefore say nothing of it. You will keep this story to yourself and if anyone asks how you came to be here you were simply rescued from your escape pod by passing Gerwanthir traders.”
That didn’t sound nearly as bad as her initial tone suggested “Is that it?” she shook her head. “No, some of the rebellions being supported off the record are losing steam. You will help the Federation reinvigorate them.” Bright-Eyes laughed in disbelief “Me? How?” The Admiral spoke “You’re a symbol. ‘Bright-Eyes’ is a symbol, the Xenthians made sure of that when they put that bounty on your head. So we’re gonna show you off to every species that has access to Federation communications apparatus. Hopefully once they see you’re a real breathing person they will be more motivated.
Bright-Eyes shook his head “I’m just one man, and it takes more than symbols to win wars.” The Admiral countered “Whether you agree or not is inconsequential. This is the offer. If you accept you’ll find yourself a free subject of the Federation. You’ll work for us, as and when we require. You will stick to the script we provide. You will not step out of line or go off track. You will be paid a sum of 35000 credits a year. Once we deem it no longer necessary to parade you around you will be free to do as you wish.
He thought for a moment….”and if I refuse?” he asked looking over at Cass. She gestured for The Admiral and Kalimbo to leave. They left the cell but remained outside the door. “Cass?” she sighed at him. “If you refuse you’ll be stuck here while I go kicking up a fuss to whoever will listen. It’s not a bad offer. You get paid fairly, you do a few gigs where you say what they tell you to say, and you’ll probably rub shoulders with Gerwanthir high society in the process, though personally? I would not find that as exciting as most. It’s your choice?”
There’s only one thing he needed to know “Do you really think me doing this would make a difference?” She shrugged. “Who’s to say? After you killed the Empress copy-cat revolts were reported all over. Will it make a difference to humanities fight for freedom? I’m doubtful but at the least bringing you back to the forefront will likely inspire more to take the same course of action.” He pondered for a few seconds then said “Hope. You think they’ll see me and have hope. Hope unfounded can be dangerous.” She nodded “Like I said it’s your choice.”
Before the day was out he had signed papers and was being escorted down to the Capital city of Gerwanthir. Home planet of The Gerwanthir Federation. He had been provided with a handler to show him around and keep him on schedule. A flamboyant Gerwanthir named Trestor (since the native race and planet shared a name). When he stepped off the transport he couldn’t help but pause to look around in wonder. The city was stupid large. Oblong Skyscrapers adorned with screens advertising various products were everywhere. The Sky was a reddish hue, food vendors with roasted meats shouted out to passerby’s inviting them to come eat.
He was broken out of his gawking by Trestor. “B.E, darlin’ close your mouth you’re gonna catch critters” looking at Trestor he spoke “ok…right…so what now?” Trestor clapped his hands almost jumping up and down on the spot. “Welllll……we’ve got a fabulous schedule lined up already. I’m gonna take you to this human inspired food place, it’s run by a friend, Everything is super low-fat and healthy. It was even visited by Zafira herself. Then I’m gonna take you to where we’re staying. The interior design ughhh gross but the military don’t pay for keeping up with style, that’s all me. Tomorrow, first thing we have a Press Conference. We’re gonna wake up early and make you look stunning. Complete makeover and get rid of that horrendous beard. You’ll look soooo pretty.”
Bright-Eyes’ adrenaline shot up, his fists clenched, eyebrows furrowed but he controlled it with deep breaths, recalling to his mind the music he found calming. “Trestor. Don’t ever call me pretty. The beard stays. I don’t mind a trim, but the beard stays.” Trestor took a step back. “I know that look darlin’, we gotta get you booked in with a professional, someone to talk to before someone gets hurt for saying the wrong thing.”
Trestor led him across the city streets, talking about daily life in the city as they went. Further out from the pedestrian areas Bright-Eyes caught his first glimpse of Hovercarts. Small vehicles designed for local planetary travel. For his own safety Trestor had to teach him how to cross roads and what the various symbols on road signs meant. “See darlin’ we’ll have you walking around like you belong in no time.” Bright-Eyes however wasn’t so sure. Now I know why the Cap and crew preferred being pirates. It’s easier up there than down here. He thought.
The most uncomfortable part as they went about was the lack of other humans. He asked Trestor “So far I haven’t seen any other humans?” Trestor replied with pity “Aww darlin, escapes to the Federation used to only happen occasionally, a few hundred every few years at most. Now there’s been an increase but still most of them to Federation border worlds. On Gerwanthir? Your kind are a rarity, ain’t that gonna make you feel special.”
Bright-Eyes did not like the way he said “Special”, not one bit. He held his tongue as they arrived at a fancy looking restaurant. Inside it was well furnished in Gerwenthian style, dark purple cushioned seats with red table cloths on the tables. Apart from the two of them it was empty.
A slim older lady came over to greet them. “Tressstooor, baby, long time no see, I heard you were in the military?” Trestor replied back with equal enthusiasm. “Darleya, you heard right! I found crawling through mud bad for my skin, girl you wouldn’t believe how terribly my Tail started shedding. Soooooo I got myself transferred to a new gig!” Darleya laughed “Must be some gig if you’re coming to eat here, you will be paying this time won’t you?” Trestor opened his mouth wide, placing a hand on his heart in dramatic mock offence “Darleya, please, that was one time. I’m now in the PR department. Pay is good and I get to be the handler for this human here. You wouldn’t believe who he is, just guess?”
Bright-Eyes grew frustrated again. They were talking about him like he wasn’t there. His ghost stood behind Darleya giving voice to his anger in the most toxic way possible Is this the freedom you wanted so badly? He’s treating you like a child, Worse, he’s showing you off like some pet, he even used the word ‘handler’. Is there really a difference between a slave and a pet?
Bright-Eyes interrupted them by clearing his throat. “My designation was Bright-Eyes, I’ve yet to commit to a name” Darleya looked him up and down “Wonderful, don’t you worry. Trestor will take good care of you.” She spoke to Trestor again, this time in native Gerwenth, An awkward language to human ears full of harsh throaty sounds unpronounceable by human tongues.
Every now and again Trestor would gesture to Bright-Eyes and Darleya would stare at him intently. He recognised her look. One of pity. I hate it, with the Cap and crew I was truly an equal not a charity case. Here they’ll never see me as just an ordinary person. He thought.
Finally Darleya gestured for them both to take a seat at a table. She passed him a menu written in Galactic Common. “Now, Trestor has probably told you that all the dishes here are inspired by human cuisine, but I’ve been experimenting with new recipes. So you test one or two out, let me know if it gets an official human stamp of approval and I won’t charge for it?”
Bright-Eyes nodded. Trestor too placed down the menu not looking at it. “Girl, don’t be thinking of leaving me out of this?” Darleya huffed. “Fine you can have the same deal but only because I like you…so much for saying you’ll pay.”
The food that came was an inferior imitation of the chicken dish he had eaten with the crew during his first days aboard the Captains ship. The donuts she brought for dessert were nowhere near as sweet as the ones in Raul’s Scar. Still he had to credit her. She had done well for a non-human. As for drinks there was no lemonade just a fruity juice the source of which he didn’t care to ask.
After they had eaten he politely gave his approval to Darleya, rolled his eyes behind Trestors back as he waited for the two of them to say their goodbyes then left with Trestor out the way they came in. Trestor led him on a walk for another fifteen minutes until they came to a stop before a black door among a row of terraced houses. Pulling out a key Trestor said to Bright-Eyes “Don’t worry B.E I’ll give you your own key once we’re inside. I prefer access card systems but these ancient buildings still use manual locks.”
The house was itself split into two apartments. Trestor was to take the bottom floor while Bright-Eyes was to take the top floor. It was reasonably well furnished. A brand new access drive was left for him on his bed. A Gerwanthir entertainment system was stuck on one wall though he did not know how to use it nor did he feel inclined to ask Trestor. The bathroom was lavish with a large hot tub and shower.
As he was getting settled a message from Trestor popped up on his access drive. “Hope you like the access drive, it’s connected to the human database. Settle in. Tomorrow the fun begins” A set of Gerwenthian symbols ended the message followed by a love heart and a smiley face. “PS I’ll wake you up at around 6.00am with breakfast. Makeover crew will be here around 7.00. Press Conference for your big reveal to the public around 9.00.”
Bright-Eyes lay back on his bed with a grumble of annoyance. I wonder where you are Captain? Suppose it’d be too much of a miracle to hope you might find me again?
The next day he was awoken early exactly as promised by a banging on his door. He opened it to find Trestor all dressed up in eccentric finery. The man handed him a tray, on it contained a bowl with white liquid, floating in the liquid were two brown blocks topped with berries. Trestor saw his look. “It’s just Catrisco Milk, fully organic, some Danther oat blocks topped with some Sarsip berries. Perfectly healthy breakfast. My nutritionist has some experience with humans too, he said this would be good.”
Bright-Eyes took the tray, moved to sit at a small table in the corner then dug in. He had to admit as much as he hated feeling like he was being controlled again the food did taste nice. His enjoyment was tempered by Trestor who droned on about the day’s itinerary “Makeover crew is on the way, told them we’re planning to keep the beard. They said they’ll make it work. I think they’ll be focusing more on the outfit than anything….”
When the Makeover team did arrive they came with several elegant outfits some designed for men, some designed for women and some unisex. Bright-Eyes went through them one by one until he got to the last. A stylish navy blue suit jacket to be worn with a white shirt and matching trousers. It also came with a tie. He turned to the head of the team. “This one, but without this thing. I can’t stand having something around my neck anymore”
The head of the team glared at him. “I knew I should’ve left that one behind. No, no, no Sir, especially without the tie, The tie makes it complete. Look on your access drive at old human pictures you’ll see” Bright-Eyes was in no mood to negotiate on this point. “No, for all my life I’ve been forced to wear a collar. Now I do have a choice and I’m saying No.” The fashion guru still did not relent. “Ackh such human dramatics. It is not a collar, it is a tie. Trestor tell ‘im please.”
Bright-Eyes was surprised to find Trestor backing him up. “Sorry, B.E made his choice. It’ll do.” The fashion guru huffed visibly annoyed but did not argue. Bright-Eyes however found the indignities had only just begun. For the next two hours they made every other decision for him from what soap and hair products he used to bathe with to what perfumes he was anointed with.
They cut his hair back short, they trimmed his beard and moustache, they applied a black substance to his eyes, as a final touch they insisted he choose either a bracelet, wrist-band or watch to wear. In the end he chose a stylish ruby red bracelet. He could not deny that when he saw his reflection he looked good. Better than good. He looked like one of the mysterious heroes in some of the films he watched back when he was on The Captains ship. All he’d need to complete the look would be a gun.
The Makeover team left, leaving Trestor to usher Bright-Eyes out the building into a hovercart. As the chauffeur drove them Trestor coached him on what to expect. “B.E don’t be nervous, there’ll be a huge crowd taking pictures and videos. Keep cool. You wanna look powerful got it darlin’?” Bright-Eyes nodded. “They’ll be asking you questions directly. Admiral says for this one he didn’t care to write a script so just improvise with your answers. Don’t mention that we have the Xenthian prototype ship. Everything else is fair game. Admiral will be there too, Zafira might show up if she can make time.”
The Hovercart dropped them off outside a large domed building. Trestor led him inside into a hall. Immediately as they entered lights flashed all around. Trestor gestured for him to take a seat at a table at the front of the room. The Admiral and Zafira of all people were already there.
The Admiral opened up “Thank You, Thank you all for joining us today. The elected ruling council has asked me to host this press conference to confirm the existence of the Human known as Bright-Eyes, Also to put to death rumours of Federation involvement in the organic uprisings taking place across Xenthian border worlds….while we are now ready to confirm that we have indeed given Sanctuary to Bright-Eyes as you can see. That is all we have done. I and Zafira will be taking more questions about the War declared on us by the Xenthians, a very serious threat indeed, even if no blows have been exchanged we cannot take such declarations lightly. Anyway as I was saying the human designated Bright-Eyes is here to publicly answer questions for the first time. We open the floor to questions.”
Hundreds of voices rose up all at once. One voice reached above all the others until they quietened “Sir! Sir! is it true you killed the Xenthian Empress before your escape?” Bright-Eyes leaned forward “Yes it is….I had no choice.” Another voice butted in “What do you mean by no choice?” Bright-Eyes took a deep breath. I can get through this. It will be good even. Tell the world what a monster she was “She wanted me to force myself on a human girl, to create a new slave, I refused.”
Gasps of shock echoed throughout the hall another voice took the opportunity to ask further “You’re the only human we know of that has a name-like designation. This indicates some favouritism at least….did the Empress suddenly turn cruel or was there something else going on?” He wanted to curse at the questioner they’re implying I deserved her cruelty? He replied offensively “If you think there’s anything that can justify such a demand perhaps Gerwanthir isn’t the bastion of high values I was led to believe. It’s true I was treated well for a time. Until I asked for freedom then she became cruel. Do you think freedom is an unreasonable ask?”
Another voice continued on the subject. “You mentioned one instance of cruelty, was there any others?” Bright-Eyes grimaced “The whole institution of slavery is cruelty manifest. The training centres use beatings, food and sleep deprivation, and forced stress positions to condition obedience. I went through that just like all others.”
The questioner retorted “Sir what about other instances of cruelty by the Empress, were there any before you asked for freedom?” Is the one not enough? Do they think what I did was unjustified? “She didn’t physically torture me before that, no, I was her plaything, her pet. I fully believed at the time that she was one of the good ones. Even though I could not leave the ship on which she travelled, even though I was deprived of real clothes and forced to wear a torture collar, I was happy, yet would any outsider looking in not describe such restrictions as cruel? When I asked for freedom she said I stepped over the line and deserved punishment. I still have nightmares of the pain I endured that day.”
Another voice called out. “So one demand to mate, and one denied request for freedom was all it took for you to decide to kill her?” Bright-Eyes couldn’t understand Why are they defending her with their questioning. None of them could deal with what I went through. Not one. He resolved to shock sense into them. To Trestors horror he began to remove his suit jacket then his shirt leaving himself topless showing off the ugly scars he bore from when she had bitten into his flesh over and over. Lights flashed again and again to capture his image. The crowd uproared in shock.
“I killed her because her request was unconscionable but if you want visible proof of cruelty look no further.” He traced each scar with his fingers as he spoke “After she showed me off to Chief Diplomat Zafira and her delegation, she delighted in biting my flesh until I was bathed in my own blood. Is that enough cruelty for you all?” He put back on his upper garments.
Another question was shouted at him once he was dressed. “Reports from Zafira’s visit stated you seemed most docile, that the Empress was petting you, that she insisted humans lacked higher functioning yet here you are most eloquent?” Bright-Eyes did not know what to make of the question. Is it intended as an insult or to provide me an opportunity? “The Empress under pain of torture commanded me to be like furniture. I did not move nor did I speak while the Federation delegation was there. I am glad to prove such baseless assertions wrong…” He thought for a moment. Getting Zafira on-side might help me later “…and I am grateful to Chief Diplomat Zafira for doing what she could at the time to challenge the Empress’ treatment. I will not forget that kindness.”
The Admiral spoke next to the crowd “I think that’s enough of those questions…” but was interrupted by someone shouting one last question “What happened to the human girl?” The room fell silent. Bright-Eyes spoke, his voice sad and shaky “I tried to take her with me. I promised her I would. We got to the escape pod doors. They killed her. She was just a child and they killed her before I could get her inside the pod.”
Bright-Eyes felt that was enough, further, he wanted out. He would not lose composure. Not here, not in front of this pack of rabid devils eager to tear me apart with their questions. When the Admiral began to speak again Bright-Eyes as discreetly as he could stood up and left leaving Trestor to run hurriedly after him.
Trestor found him sitting with his face in his hands near a stairwell. “B.E?” Bright-Eyes did not respond. “Oh darlin’ that was the hard part. I promise you won’t have to do that again. I’ll tell the Admiral so myself. Come on, let’s get you back home.” Wiping his face Bright-Eyes stood.
Taking deep breaths he simply muttered a strained “ok, let’s go.” While Bright-Eyes on some level appreciated Trestors attempt at comfort he had one thought Home? Home is with the Cap, with Alder and Valera, out there where I’m truly free.
Part 16: https://www.reddit.com/HFY/s/xloEGPZkmf

I posted this on CMV a while back, most of the comments I got were just people calling me a redpiller. I tried to post this on PurplePill so I could get actual answers from "normies" (for lack of a better term) instead of just insults, but apparently it was taken down. I'm deciding to post it here, considering if PurplePillDebate thinks my views are too extreme, I probably need help.
At first, I was a bit confused about the replies I originally got on the CMV post. I wasn't a member of any redpill/incel/manosphere movements. I never have been, either. These beliefs, problematic as they may be, were based on my experiences with other people and common themes I've seen in human relationships. I don't watch Andrew Tate, Fresh & Fit, or any other frat boy "guru".
Then I did some research into redpill/blackpill and what they believe. Yeah...I have a problem, Houston. It isn't the same exact stuff, but it is similar. Call it ideological convergent evolution.
With all that aside, I present to you, in all its glory, the cringiest essay perhaps ever written.
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Love is a lie, there are no true equals, and romance is just business with a smiley face slapped on it. These declarations sound like some drug-addled spew from an insane basement dweller who has never left his room, but I may just be right. Maybe.
In ancient times, the Middle Ages, the Romans, ancient China, hell, even Sumer, relationships weren't about anything we modern humans perceive as "love". Marriage was a political bargaining tool or an opportunity to climb up in the caste system. Nothing more.
What modern humans perceive as love, that is, sexual attraction, was fulfilled in the form of concubines for the wealthy and brothels for the common man. Sex between the married was rare at best, and was more often initiated due to societal expectations rather than legitimate attraction.
We see this same logic often in modern times, women are dating "up" whereas men are dating at the same level, leading to the male loneliness epidemic and collapse of the birth rate. The rich are literally drowning in pussy, while the rest of us are starving for even the most basic human connection. Those women don't really "love" those men, and are often not even attracted to them. They're just rich.
Back in the day, we didn't have this problem, as women were dependent on men. In the nuclear family, we see the same dynamic as we have seen throughout history-the marital deal. That is, romance and marriage are strictly business. They are a business deal. In the nuclear family, the woman required a house, food, and clothing. The one thing she had to offer was sex. This spawned a transaction. She performs sexual acts, and he shelters her.
We've seen this in every society where the rights of women were limited. The Islamic world, medieval Europe, modern-day Africa, ancient China, pre-feminism America, and so on.
But now, with the new post-feminism marital market and the destigmatization of breakups and divorce, there is simply no need for 90% of men anymore and those men have been left in the dust. If love was a real thing, how come so many of us have been cast to the side? Again, partnerships are just business deals. You always want a better deal. A richer man, a hotter woman. Everyone fiends for the best, and most settle in their 30s, but if the opportunity for a better deal comes up, of course you'll accept.
This isn't some crap redpill argument. Men do this too. Henry VIII went so far as to behead his brides when he saw a better deal, even further proving that this logic is human nature and is utterly timeless.
The dynamics we're seeing aren't "OMG WAHMENS ARE EVIL AWALT AWALT FEMOIDS BAD FENEMIZM RUINED MY LIFEE", it's just that women have a higher market value than men and get way more options. They don't have to settle for less until they're basically on their deathbed. Naturally, you'd flock to the best deal like you were perusing through insurance adverts. It's nobody's fault.
Women don't need men anymore. For money, they have a job. For emotional support, they have friends. The only real reason a woman would need a man is for sexual pleasure, so naturally, they flock to the most well-endowed. The best deal. And relationships built strictly on sexual pleasure don't last long, as sexual attraction dies out over time, and sooner than later, you are trapped in a long-term relationship you are bored of. Then, you start to get sick of the other party and resent them. In loveless relationships such as these (like most marriages) a social hierarchy forms similar to Rudolf Schenkel's wolf experiments (a.k.a. the doggo prison gang) where the trapped wolves fought for dominance over the others. This stems from human nature-monkeys don't mate for life. Humans don't either. We are a hypergamous species-all of us, not just women. Long-term relationships and marriages turn people into Schenkel's wolves. Unrelated individuals trapped and left to fight.
Relationships are strictly business, and that's all they ever were. If there was some mystical binding force that attracts men and women like magnets, why have most men been forgotten about as soon as they ceased to be useful?
This is why I never understood why women are mad that they're "just sex". Of course they are, in the same way men are just a wallet. A sale isn't about the dude selling it to you, it's about what you get out of it. Don't women understand this? Men understand it just fine. Women treat men as wallets, so why aren't they mad when men treat women like prostitutes? It's dehumanizing, but it's human nature to dominate, to feel superior, and thus dehumanize others. I, a man, fully understand that romance is just an overcomplicated form of sex work.
Back to human nature for a bit. People claim that the best relationship is an equal one. But there's no such thing as an equal relationship. You might as well say that the best animal in the world is a displacer beast. It's human nature to dominate others. Every "romantic" relationship has a dominant partner. This is typically the one with higher "sexual market value" (hotter, richer, etc.). They know they have multiple opportunities to get a better deal, and they know that you know. And they know you will do anything to keep them. So of course they sleep around and take your whole paycheck. And they're so happy that you put their name on your house and your shiny new car. And you let them get away with it (This ties in back to the wolf experiments I mentioned earlier).
People have been letting the dominant partners do whatever the fuck they want for millennia. If the queen put up a fuss about the king's concubines, she'd be tortured to death in the castle dungeon. If a peasant woman didn't like the idea of her "dearly beloved" getting piss drunk every night at the brothel, well, she got brutally beaten and kicked out.
Sex was never wholesome, or pure, or had any meaning at all, really. It was always either a casual dopamine rush, or a reward for your "partner" for doing your bidding (getting you more things you want out of the business deal). I never understood why religious folks think sex is holy or something. It's not. It's just something of value that people will do anything for. Oil isn't holy, and neither are pieces of paper with Washington's face plastered on them. Neither is gold, or silver, or jade, or seashells, or cacao.
And back to business deals, here's why she got mad that you had another girlfriend before her or lied about your height/yearly income, kids! Because as soon as she finds out the truth, she sees you in the same way she sees used car salesmen. You conned her into a bad deal. If another woman broke up with you, she can infer that you aren't a very good deal. A house that keeps going up for sale is going to drop in price, because if nobody wants it for long, there must be something wrong with it. You are used, damaged goods. She returned you to the market, and there must have been a good reason.
If you lied about your height or wealth on a dating site, then the reason she didn't call back is the same reason companies have been sued: false advertisement. You can't do that in business relationships, so, by proxy, you can't do that in "romantic" relationships either.
Love isn't real, and sex and romance were always strictly business. In fact, most relationships are the direct opposite of pop culture's "love" in my experiences. They are not only transactional, but also adversarial. I'm not talking about domestic violence here, although DV has been used by the more brutish and unsavory among us to "win" (become the dominant partner) at relationships.
I tend to call relationships "Machiavelli's pissing match" for a few reasons. One of which being the fact that Machiavelli wrote about power and control, and how to obtain and defend such things from adversaries. Relationships are VERY Machiavellian when you look at it (This harkens back to the bit about "dominant partners" earlier). It's monkeys in a cage fighting, constantly trying to win more control, constantly vying to gain the upper hand. Everyone's heard of the "shit test" (to use RP terminology, can't find anything better) of "Oh, you can open up around me." This isn't someone being friendly, this is someone digging for dirt, grasping at anything they can use against the other party. An emotional man is a weak man, and weak men will never be feared, thus, never be loved. The weak are taken advantage of while the strong wear the pants.
In a relationship, you are either a superior or an inferior. In polygamous relationships, you can be both if you're in the middle of the hierarchy. Your superior will try to control you, your inferior will try to betray you and climb the hierarchal ladder. You are going to get hurt. Period. This Segways into my next bit of this rant.
The facade. Relationships aren't about emotions, or love, or anything. They're about saving face. Women have it easier in this regard, since they only need 1 mask for the relationship to continue and the benefits to keep flowing in. Men need 2. Both parties need to act like they love each other, but only men need to also act emotionless so the woman will respect him. Once the woman loses that fear and respect once they realize this burly, stoic tough guy is human like the rest of us, her mask of "love" drops and she finds benefits somewhere else. The only thing keeping relationships together is sexual attraction and money. If the guy doesn't have money and his mask slips, there goes the attraction. When someone "settles", they don't have this problem, they'll just be with the other person regardless (they don't want to be 45 and single). Settled relationships were loveless anyway, some don't even bother masking the fact that they'll never forget the benefits they got from the "old prince" (more Machiavelli for you) before they had to move on.
But why the facade? Simple. We don't get attached to the other person, as we shouldn't. We're just here to milk them dry of benefit and make the other person think we love them. If you never made an emotional connection to begin with, it makes it much easier to drop someone for a better deal and much easier to recover when someone pulls something to gain more power. If your wife cheats with 3 dudes behind your back, she is now the superior because she is wanted by more people and she knows that. The inferior has betrayed you to become your superior. Now she has a higher sexual market value, and she knows you know that, so now she makes the rules, otherwise she will leave you for one of the 3 dudes she fucked. But if you don't get attached in the first place, she can't manipulate you like that. She wasn't attached, if she was, she wouldn't have fucked 3 people. Now it's time for you to make the move and drop her ass. I hear so many people try to divert redpillers away from TRP by saying that women make emotional connections in relationships just like men, but here's the thing, NOBODY makes an emotional connection. They don't love you. They love to fuck you. They love your car. They love your house. There was just a case of someone who didn't care that their ex went to jail for 5 years over not paying child support for a kid that wasn't even his. She was the dominant partner. She got to sleep around. He was weak. He got taken advantage of. She didn't care. She liked it, even. She got to sit on her ass, gargle cock and cash checks.
A relationship is a heartless grab for benefit, pleasure, and power.
I understand that there may be holes in my opinion, that's why I'm coming here. This isn't a troll, I'm not gonna soapbox, this is a legitimate post. I promise. I need a different opinion here. This is the way I've thought about the world for a while, and I've come to realize it's kind of a fucked-up way to view things.
Please restore my faith in the human race.

Hello, first post here, i just wanted to collect some opinions on what's going on.
I have become friends with a nice but well manared and very reserved girl from work last year, we work remote, but some days of the month we have to attend the office, she's on her very early twenies and i am on my late twenies, we seemed to get on better and better last year, and during december we cosntantly texted both about work and about random stuff trough the day / what we were doing during christmans, preparations, gifts, new yeras, new yeras prepartions and what not.
Have in mind this girl was very reserved and opened up surprisingly well during december and leading to that month, we even started playing dota 2 and AoM every odd week end, things kept being ok early january, but from late january onwards to early febreruary it seem slike she started gettting very bussy ( she has a very bussy lifestyle, she takes care of stuff at home, her job's demanding and lives alone with her mother, aparently she has a big family and they like to pass time constantly with them too). She stopped answering much and started cutting messaging early with work stuff more and more, sudenly most of the time once you gave her a message she usually answered it next day some minutes before we entered our daily meetings.
i asked her if something was wrong, that i tought she was great, and an interesting person to talk with, and asked if i could help in anyway (she actually helped me a couple of weeks ago when i was very troubled by an issue at work, we texted for like and hour and a half or two about music, art, and hobbies we both had , helped me alot really), or if i was actually bothering her with the messaging (wich was about twice or thrice a week really). She told me she apreciated the concern, but that she was focused on her studies and solving issues with our project ( tbf the development she was doing was constantly failing furing this time), that i please give concerns to her trough teamschat during work hours and that lets give it our best to sucesfully ace the project.
I answered with " a sure, let's do great!" and proceded to basically not message her for almsot anything outside teams, and to be very formal and to the point on teams chat (our messaging previous was mostly trough whatsapp for our off work convos, but sometimes we spoke work troughthere too). This lasted 3 weeks mostly, until a certain critical problem forced my hand at triying to solve it with her and a mate, and i dropped the formal act, blowing presure and cracking jokes, my usual way, we somehow kinda solved the thing and she actually was quite onboard with my jokes and comments and the overall vibe of the long call, this was about februaries end.
Next day we had office day and we arrived early, and it was as if we were just transported from early january , we hit it off and started geeking about elden ring, dota2, and AOM, and talked about a lot of personal stuff like housing , prices, living alone and what not, overall we worked great and teh day was awesome. i restarted the friendly wsp messaging with a comment about the horrendus traficc , wich she answered the day later in the morning briefly , i amde a joke and we cutted off to teams again. There i asked to keep wsp for friendly banter and teams for work, and she agreed, but asked to not "spam" much becasue she gets bussy and can't answer all the time, i a agreed heartily, and since then i probably avergae about a message or less trough text per week, if there was more it's because it's a question about work, like clarification on the floor we are supoused to meet, or asking a door to open, i asked if she would like to play again ,a nd told me next week, but next week she told me she got busy again, so i just dropped the subject for the time being..
Next week seems fine and looks like it's all good, but the last two weeks of march something very strange happened, i asked her if we could set up a couple of study sesions in the following week for a very hard certification exam we had coming, and she told me she would confirm when she could do so, since she's still very bussy. Next day we went into the office and the entire vibe kinda changed, she was way less receptive, started kind of ingoring me and wouldn't take a book i wanted to lend her ( we spoke about it and i mentioned to her i would bring it next time we saw each other) , during lunch she wouldn't look at me in the face, even when i was talking, tried to walk as far away from me as possible and overall avoided me, she hardly laughed at any of my jokes, had to use the real good stuff to make her crack a bit, but would be very attentive and smiley at literally anyone else talking to her on the team, and easy to laugh and pay attention to absolutely anything anyone else said. We could still work and she would still kinda help, but the avoidance and aparent anger or dismisive attitude with me is very aparent, it's as if i have insulted her, or rejected her?, or something like that, i am just very confused. This attitude kept just like that during our last two office sessions during the past two, she feels confident enough to be snarky and sarcatic with my questions (she usually is very educated and soft mannered, so that side is kinda new and quite surprising to anyone that works with her), and the issue is our teammates noticed her aparent discomfort with me last session, and started asking questions, since we are probably the ones who had the best relation on the team, we had the same likes, we vibed well, we followed each other jokes and references, ect.
One of them tought i had told her something, or insulted her, or something along those lines.
I have no idea what happened?, what is she feeling?, i haven't spammed her at all in messaging, job was going fine and i didn't inivite or protrude other than the study invitation ( we have tried doing it before, but since we brought 2 clowns that wouldnt help at all it was kind of a failure). Her attitude is just baffling and i am kind of both hurt and confused, because i really have a great opinion of her, and was hoping to build a great friendship with her and see where it went. PD: some extra info about her, apart from young she's kinda socially awkward (reminds me of younger me really), seems like she has very little experience socializing, since she went to uni during covid and all her clases were remote. She's very hardworking and dedicated, has had to work and study since she was about 18 to support not jsut her, but aparently her mother, who seems to be quite overbearing, she even picks her up from work a lot. But she seems to love and have a good relationship with her.
For the time being i am goona give her another full break from interactions with me if possible, good thing i am going on vacations half of april.
Thanks in advance for the help, sorry for the lenght.

I don't have a naturally smiley face, I guess? So when I'm asked to smile, I do the thing I think is a smile, and someone inevitably goes "nono, not like that. I mean a real smile." It feels insulting. It's not a "fake" smile - my face just happens to be expressive in a way that you don't like. That's a you problem. If you ask me to express something, you can't dictate the shape of my face used to do it.
Edit: I feel the need to clarify - a lot of the comments are responding as if the problem is being asked to smile in the first place. I'm not talking "random dudebros telling women to smile more" kind of ask to smile. I'm talking "your grandmother wants a family photo" kind of asked to smile. I'm not going to tell off my grandmother for wanting a photo.

If you interact with a woman and suddenly she insults you like calling you dumb. Then after you don't react to her for a few days, she asks you if you are angry with a sad smiley. What's the best way handling that respect test? I think the worst way would be justifying yourself. But how would one stand up for himself and handling such a respect shit test? Isn't self-echoing a way to defeat that kind of test?
I think Derek also explained, if women insult you, it's because she disrespects you and it means you need to dominate her more. But how to dominate the woman who insults you and shit tests you?

"OCEAN ISLE BEACH, N.C. — Surrounded by fans at a beach town bar, Mark Robinson addressed his absent critics. “Mark Robinson is not running to be governor to be a bully over anybody,” he said.
"Left unmentioned: The deluge of offensive comments that made such a declaration necessary. There was the time he called school shooting survivors “media prosti-tots” for advocating for gun-control policies. The meme mocking a Harvey Weinstein accuser, and the other meme mocking actresses for wearing “whore dresses to protest sexual harassment.” The prediction that rising acceptance of homosexuality would lead to pedophilia and “the END of civilization as we know it”; the talk of arresting transgender people for their bathroom choice; the use of antisemitic tropes; the Facebook posts calling Hillary Clinton a “heifer” and Michelle Obama a man.
"Even in a Republican Party that, under former president Donald Trump’s leadership, has often rewarded crude insults, baseless claims and incendiary language, Robinson stands out among candidates this year for the volume of his bigoted attacks and vicious diatribes. The lieutenant governor of North Carolina and the first Black person to hold the office, Robinson is heavily favored to clinch the GOP nomination for governor in next Tuesday’s primary and, at a Saturday rally with Trump, got the former president’s formal endorsement."
[Emphasis, mine]
https://www.washingtonpost.com/elections/2024/03/02/mark-robinson-governor-candidate-north-carolina-offensive-comments