I got ghosted again by a guy I really liked and I'm genuinely crushed.
We have been talking for a while and decided to meet up last night. In my opinion, I feel like we both had a really fun time.
We went out for a drink, we played a few arcade games, had dinner, played Pool and made out at the end of the night. The whole time we chatted, he was flirty and made each other laugh.
This morning I went to message him, I noticed he had deleted me off Tinder and Snapchat.
I'm genuinely confused as at the end of the night he said he had a really good time and wanted to meet up again, even discussing what days worked for us.
Advice and kind words is appreciated but imagining that he just died or something equally tragic hurts less than being ghosted

Lets try this again, hopefully I use the right combination to get good results!
I am primarily looking for long term with someone who enjoys just A nice discord call, chats, sharing memes and everything included. We dont need to have all the same interests, I am more than happy to learn about the kind of things you are into. I got a post on the Gamerpals one, but being as this is more for *Sparkle* normal friends *sparkle fades* I figures it would be better spot to describe myself further, and you best believe I am writing this mid match so yes I will be copy pasting it haha.
But in Summary I am looking for a friend for the long haul, my line of work means I dont meet people. That should be an interesting conversation right? "What do you do for work?", I would turn around dramatically like an M Night Shyamalan movie and say "I am A..>" but I am cut off my a distant family member walking through a conveniency adjacent door.
I have a plethora of stories and would like to hear some of yours. Feel free to pop a dm to see if we click and can become friends. If you need to vent I'm happy to relax and vibe, and due to being sleepy, yes, this will be copy pasted into Looking for... because I can.
Likes : PC Gaming, Kayaking, Gym, wood working, water sports and more. I love zombie narratives, and am a huge Fallout fanboy. I am wanting to start going to dress up conventions for gaming and media but It takes a lot more planning than I thought, still, tis be a blast!.
Games I like : Fallout nv, Tarkov, Minecraft, Sims 4 and more

I am 16 years old. Throughout my early childhood, my parents did nothing but physically/verbally abuse me and emotionally neglect me. They never did anything with me, never let me hang see friends outside of school, and pretty much made sure that i’m alive. My older sister would bully me every day about every aspect of myself, even down to the stupidest shit like the month my birthday is in. She is the reason for almost all of my insecurities
I have a huge love for music. I started playing guitar about two years ago, and at first it was a good escape, but it’s seeming like it’s done more harm than good to me. I’ve had a couple of shitty friends in the past who would make fun of me (either to my face or behind my back) about my appearance and musical abilities. I picked this thing up 2 fucking years ago. Obviously i’m not gonna be Jimmi Hendrix. I still try to play regularly, but it’s so hard for me to keep motivation for more than a couple of minutes and not give up.
Every time things finally start to look up for me, it gets ruined by either something or someone. I’ve tried to make myself feel better by working out, journaling, and going on really long walks. Nothing works. Nothing matters because the moment i step back in my room, i’m met with the fact that this is my reality and this is who i am which causes my thoughts to spiral down every single night. The smallest inconveniences end up ruining my day. I cant look at myself in the mirror without feeling disgusted at the creature thats staring back at me. I’ve even made new friends who genuinely care and support me, but for some reason it’s not enough.
My parents don’t abuse me anymore and my sister stopped bullying me, but i have 0 relationship with them and everyone else in my family. I don’t talk to anyone besides a couple surface level interactions, but it doesn’t matter because the damage is already done. I feel like I’ll never be a real person or accomplish anything in my life. I want to run away but i know i’m just gonna get caught. Suicide feels like the only way out. Why does this have to be my life? Why is this who I have to be? Why can’t i just enjoy my life as a teenager? Fuck those guys. Fuck my family. Fuck my life.

For a small bit of context, I work in a small (but relatively well-known) shoe brand in Australia as a keyholder (i.e. I have a key to the store and so can do stuff like opening and closing shifts). On Sundays (like today), we are open 10 am - 6 pm, so a pretty good 8 hours. Here's the story of how my day just kept getting better thanks to 3 different customers (apologies in advance for the length!)
\1. I got to work at around 9:55 this morning, leaving just enough time to do my start-of-day cash count, maybe opening like 2 minutes late. We had a new person do all day yesterday, and it was her first time doing EOD duties, so she wasn't too sure about the full procedure when it came to banking, so she left a note asking me to finish it off for her. No problem, meant I'd probably be opening about 5 minutes late. At this point, I noticed an old man in maybe his 70s standing outside our front door taking a phone call, which whatever, people stand outside our store for all sorts of reasons all the time, especially given our proximity to the escalators and the toilets
I finished fixing up last night's banking and EOD slip and got onto my SOD slip and cash count, at maybe about 10:03 at this point. I had all the cash out on the register, clearly visible through the windows (doors locked of course), so it's obvious I am doing important stuff. Old guy starts knocking on the front door, however I just ignored him as I counted the cash. He realises I won't look up from my count and comes around to the side door and starts knocking on that. Once again, I don't respond, just keep counting and writing down what I need to on my slip. He does this a few more times, back and forth between the doors and knocking, increasingly louder while I'm counting cash, during which time I realise I've miscounted (off by around $4), as a result of him trying to get my attention
By this time, it was around 10:07. I start checking increasingly smaller amounts starting at $2 coins, emptying the pre-counted bags to make sure I've counted properly, in full view of anyone going by. Old guy is STILL knocking. I eventually got my SOD all figured out and got the POS area ready for trading and started approaching the door at like 10:10. At this point, old guy has stopped knocking and is instead gesturing at his wrist, asking "what time do you guys open?" to which I give a vague "I just had some admin stuff to do". He looks at our shoes for about 30 seconds before asking if we have any belts to which I inform him we do, just next to the counter. Has a quick look before asking if we have anything similar to what he was wearing, which we didn't. He says he bought it at a store in the city (great, we live about 25 km south of the city so that's not helpful). I just apologise and recommend either [nearby menswear stores T and C] or [nearby department store M]. He walks off at 10:12. Why did you wait a whole 10 - 15 minutes for me to open, just to be disappointed that we don't sell what you're after (which by the way, our belts are also visible through the window)

1. Sometime after coming back from lunch, I had these two sweet customers (mum and daughter) come in and start looking around at shoes they wanted to wear for an upcoming holiday. I grab them the ones they were after and make sure the sizing is fine. Just before they came to pay for them, they wanted to quickly try on a pair from our clearance rack, so I suggested that we have several pairs under $50 there (for reference, our women's generally range from $100 - $300 and our men's around $150 - $250). They picked up a pair of the $38 heels we have which we just so happened to have in their size. In the end, the mother ended up buying a pair of sandals as well as some shoe care (very thankful for due to stupid $30 daily target). The daughter got two pairs of shoes, which meant I got a little shout-out from the owners for a "multi" sale. Overall they were very sweet and we had a good chat about their holiday plans :)
   
2. Around 4:45 pm at this point, a well-put-together man in his 30s comes in and just wants to try on a pair of European-made boots, which I grab for him while I help other customers. Eventually, he tells me he needs a replacement for another pair of boots of ours which he has owned in the past and so I start suggesting some options, going through maybe 5 or 6 different styles to find a few he liked. I grab those for him to try on and the whole time checking how each pair fits, and what he does and doesn't like about each pair. He ended up picking one of these pairs to get as well as the initial pair he came in for. At this point I thought the transaction was nearing the end, but he suddenly asked if I had one of the styles in any other colours too, to which I responded we had the tan and dark brown and got those to show him. He ends up trying on the tan and liking it, decides to get that and the original black pair which he wasn't too sure on. At this point now he is getting 4 pairs of shoes
   

For a bit of additional context, we have a "multi competition", essentially sell $800+ worth of shoes in one transaction ($500+ if you work at the outlet store) and get a $300 visa gift card! As I'm packing away the shoes I'm thinking "is this $800??" I knew a few of the pairs were just under $200 but wasn't sure of their exact prices. I get everything up to the counter and scan it all. $830. I was practically shitting myself at this point as I never thought the day would come were I would win the multi prize. I inform him of his total and ask if he is a member, which he is, so get that all put in. At the end of the transaction, I send him off wishing him an excellent evening before giddily sending off an email to the owners to let them know I'd hit the target! I was just so elated and shocked simultaneously, like "did I seriously just win this?!" That confirmation email practically made my night, to the point where I just stopped being mad at the customer from that morning, as this basically doubles my pay for the week
I honestly just cannot believe how amazing my day has been and how it's been able to go from a terrible start to a surprising but exciting end! It's days like these that I think make the job worth it, especially as a broke 1st-year uni student

Backstory: I was close friends with a girl, let’s call her Emma, for a considerable number of years. She had always been a bit manipulative and had a vast history of short-term flings with guys, but my family liked her. I, 17f, am relatively self reserved and had never experienced a relationship before. One summer I returned from an abroad trip and she announced that she had a new guy to “rebound” from her ex boyfriend (Tom) of a couple months. She invited me to meet him. He was an attractive guy, let’s call him Jake, and him and I got along pretty well. I asked her if it was okay to get his Snapchat and she agreed. Main story: As Emma and Jake started to grow closer, Jake became suspicious of her cheating. As a good friend I didn’t know what to do, as she was already bragging about Tom being interested in her again. One evening I get a call from Jake asking me to tell him Emma’s Life360 location as she’s been very dry over text and barely responded to his messages. He also said it was starting to negatively impact his mental health and he didn’t know how long he could cope. I looked at Emma’s location and instantly knew it was Tom’s house. I had no idea what to do, but knew the morally right thing would be to be honest to Jake. I called Emma, who told me that she was seeing Tom in secret and for me to not report back to Jake as she still wanted him in case “things went wrong”. It didn’t sit right with me knowing Jake was in such a state, and seeing Snapchat videos of Emma cuddling with Tom and looking so smug. I told him the location and Emma came clean, ending things with Jake so she could return to her ex. Emma made it clear that Jake was never her boyfriend, she was never in love with him and he was simply a “quick rebound”. Fast forward two months and Jake and I had been messaging a while as friends. We bounced off each other’s humour and shared very similar morals. One evening he asked me if I fancied meeting his friends, and I said sure. I distanced from Emma after she said some nasty words to my sister, and thought it would be fun. I didn’t realise it would end in kissing Jake at the end of the night. His friends were teasing him and making it obvious he liked me, and I couldn’t deny my attraction towards him. We continued to meet until he asked me to be his girlfriend, and soon later we confessed our love for one another. I felt guilty, but had comfort in the fact that Emma told me she never loved him and he didn’t mean anything to her. A mutual friend between Emma and Jake noted that I was Jake‘s girlfriend and proceeded to tell Emma. Despite Emma still being in a healthy, long-lasting relationship with Tom, she proceeded to message family members, including my sister, saying that I need “psychiatric help” because I’m “f****d in the head” for getting with Jake. She said I should have “taken her feelings into account” and she felt “incredibly hurt” because she allegedly felt such an attraction to Jake when she was with him. She messaged my friends telling them to avoid me because I’m “dangerous” and I’m “going insane”, and tried to tell me that the only reason Jake is with me is because he’s still in love with her and “needed a rebound”, so it’s not “real love” which I perceived as a little arrogant. She also tried to tell me that Jake was flirting with her and head-over-heels in love with her, would get back with her in a heartbeat and HE told her we were dating, not the mutual friend. Jake and I both knew this wasn’t the case, and I had confirmation from all of our friends saying it wasn’t Jake that told Emma. After Tom recently broke up with Emma, she is trying to make out that she is suddenly in love with Jake “again” and wishes to get back with him, and if I was a “good friend”, I would break up with Jake so that she could get back with him and finally “take it seriously”. So- AITA? Fast forward- Jake and I split up due to him cheating on me with another girl. Their short relationship soon ended and our friend group decided to meet up after I finished colllege. Jake turns up, and brings Emma with him. He announces that they are back together. Of course this is a strange feeling, and seeing Emma purposely kissing him/publicly showing affection all whilst giving me an evil eye was an unpleasant experience. She also body shamed me multiple times and continued to ask my other friends (who I met through Jake) why they were friends with a “fake friend” like me, all while I was there. My family tells me to leave the group, but they are the only friends I have and since Emma has rejoined the group things have changed. Any advice on this subject would be appreciated ❤️

I am ashamed to admit that I stayed in toxic relationship just because we had great sexual chemistry and sex was great.
He wasn't abusive but he had childhood traumas and as result he was avoidant. It was very difficult for him to open up or talk about problems/issues. He also wanted much less time together than I did and it caused a lot of tension and we used to fight a lot because I felt frustrated with him when he used to push me away.
But when it comes to sex he was great at it. He really loved pleasuring me in bed, he was always keen on trying different things in bed. He was very sensual and physically affectionate person overall. We could cuddle for hours, spending nights with him together felt like heaven.
I miss sex we had and falling asleep with him a lot...I still fantasize about him sexually how great he was in bed and how amazing it felt sleeping with him.
So is there anyone else who stayed in toxic relationship with their ex just because sex was good? Do you miss physical intimacy with your ex/ fantasize about them sexually?

For a bit of background, I (21m) have been with my boyfriend (19m) for over a year now. He moved in with me last July, and we have been nothing but content with one another since. It started kind of slow, with us talking to each other December 2022, and our relationship went crazy from there. I love this man with my whole heart, and he loves me. But we are totally different, he is the sweetest, kindest guy who will try to do anything to appease anyone. I am the opposite (I'm not mean by any means, but I'm blunt). I don't sugarcoat anything, I am straight to the point, and I try not to beat around the bush.
Since he has moved in with me, his mom has made snarky, harsh comments on my livelihood, my personality and who I am as a person. Lately, this has been getting much worse since his mom just met someone back in November and literally married her Friday. The first interaction I had with his mom was her calling at 3pm (at the time, my boyfriend was working night shift, not getting home til 4am), so naturally he chose to sleep in. I was woken up to her screaming and cussing him out on the phone for sleeping in... And this was a slight argument between her and me because she woke me up too, and she had no right to call her son screaming and cursing him out for sleeping in.
Moving on to a month after that interaction, she started showing up out of nowhere (his family lives 2 hours away from us, so she was making an appoint to come up on his days off without notice to see him - wrecking any plans we had). Eventually, him and I got tired of it and when we confronted her about at least giving us a notice, she started threatening to kill herself...
Fast-forward to January, my boyfriend and I went on a trip with my family to Florida. It was completely paid for by my grandmother and my aunt, and his mom had nothing good to say about it. She insisted that I'm spoiled rotten and I get everything I want (I don't, this was literally a treat). We went to Florida because my aunt and grandfather passed away just a little bit before and left her and my aunt everything they owned, so in remembrance of them - we took a trip which I invited my boyfriend.
When we got back from our trip, I decided to take off from work since I have saved up a lot of money to pay my way through school to get my accounting degree.... And oh boy did his mom not like this.. Ever since I chose not to work to instead take on 5-6 classes, she has been nothing but nasty to me and about me. For the past few months she has said that I have been using her son for money, I'm a mooch, I'm lazy, I don't work worth of shit, I'm terrible, I'm abusive, etc. You name it, any insult under the sun she's said about me to him. I've tried to keep my cool about it, venting to him about how much his mom hates me and what she says isn't right. Did she forget he is living under my roof?! I door dash on the side for extra income, but I've said money since high school so I could go to college. It's always been my dream to focus on my education and studies and not worry about working a crappy dead end job.... I've told him to tell her numerous times that I don't use him for money, if anything he still owes me over a grand for me covering his expenses when he moved in with me!
Last month, she and her new fiance decided to invite him, and only him, out to lunch. I ended up getting so upset over this because I wasn't invited to an event that should've included me, and I have been with my boyfriend much longer than she's even known this woman. I ended up asking her if she has a problem with me because I wasn't invited, and she just assumed I knew I was invited (I think she deliberately didn't invite me because she doesn't like me...) It's not just the lunch invite that says this, it's the fact she's only says negative things about me, she tells him I am abusive, if she contacts me it's because she wants something from me. God forbid she texts him wanting something, she's told her son that she would kill herself if he didn't send her money.... What kind of mother.... Anyways, onto yesterday.
It got bad yesterday. I decided to try to call, and I was responded with voicemail. I wasn't mad at this point, her wife (they got married the day after I mentioned I am going to propose to my boyfriend, it's like she was trying to one up me?!) said to me that I need to work and focus on school, and I told her, "what I need to do is do what I want to do and what's best for me, not what you and his mom keep saying for me to do!" I ended up telling her if they don't fk finance or feed me than they need to stop trying to have a vote in my life because I have done nothing but support and help their son, and they have done nothing but talk crap about me... Oh this went so bad. After saying that (which, no I did not cuss her out. The only curse word I said was that saying of fk feed finance), she went ballistic. She started cursing me out, going off on me. I have never ever read so many curse words, but after she said they don't say "shit" about me this is when I got mad. After all the cursing and name calling she did, I said "say it with your fking chest." It ended up with her going off on me even more, and I told her wife to go fk herself, I don't have to put up with this. Blocked her. His mom started calling him, screaming and cursing at him that I cursed her wife out and that I'm abusive, he needs to break up with me and get out of this "toxic" relationship. I tried to call his mom once I cooled down, and I sent my boyfriend the messages because that isn't what happened whatsoever!! I texted his mom saying she needs to get her facts right, and if she's going to talk shit about me she needs to have something other than lies to stand behind. It didn't go over to well with her, and no I didn't curse her out either (because why would I? I have more self respect than to drop to their level of petty and hurtfulness!!) I have been trying so hard to be good to his mom, but I have absolutely had it with the bashing and name calling and everything else she has been putting me through....
Tonight, when he got off of work, we talked about what was happening. He agrees with me, and is going to be distancing her out of his life for a little bit... I told him that she is only hurting herself and her relationship with her son.... And that I have the final say in what she gets to be apart of, hell she won't be invited to our wedding if she doesn't apologize and make this right. And I have every right to exclude her from any events with her son because it's him and me, and she isn't going to treat me like a 2nd class citizen....
I don't know what's going to happen, but I have tried so hard to be sweet and kind to his mom. After a certain point, I can't take it anymore. I am just glad I had the texts of her and her wife cussing me out and calling me all those terrible names! And after all they told him I better apologize. This is such a mess, but if he loves me he'll stand by my side. And if he doesn't, I'll help him back his bags to go home. But I'm not going to be treated like garbage, and I shouldn't have to put up with the insults, the harassment, the petty comments, all the bs she has been dishing out at me this past year.... I'm done.

This is hard. My partner drinks every day. He’s never drunk but it’s an issue all the same.
He’s not able to drive anyone after a certain time each day because he might be over the limit. He drinks when we take the kids bowling! He drinks with dinner almost every night and then after the kids go to bed.
I realise he’s not a drunk in the sense that his behaviour is an issue (he’s never drunk or aggressive) but it is so frustrating. I don’t want my kids to see that he drinks every night. I don’t want them thinking it’s normal and the way to cope with life. We have no other drinkers around us so he’s always a little like the odd one out.
When I raise it he gets defensive.
I can’t even properly articulate the issue.
He says I’m trying to change him. That’s not exactly right. I want him to be honest with himself about how much he drinks. I want him to realise for himself that it’s not good for him. I want him to make better choices.
But the main problem for now is I can’t articulate why it’s an issue. Has anyone else faced this or something similar? Any suggestions on how to approach it would be greatly welcomed.
Thanks in advance.

Hello Evertonians! I am an FC Barcelona fan, based in Los Angeles, who works in Sports Finance. My neighbor and his wife, who are Evertonians, came over to chat and understand what’s up with the club. It's Saturday night here, and I didn't have anything better to do, so I dug into things.
I will try to simplify things from what I read and the conversations I have heard. I am not involved with the buyout but know folks who are. It's a much smaller industry where everyone knows everyone.
Here we go.
The Debt

• £159 million – MSP Sports Capital
• £225 million – Rights and Media Funding
• £4-5 million – Metro Bank
• £190 million – 777 Partners (Inherited by A Cap)
• £450 million – Moshiri Shareholder Loans

MSP Sports Capital has two distinct security arrangements:

• Assets of Everton Stadium Development Company Limited. This means that in default, MSP can acquire the new stadium to recover their loan. Slightly complicated to explain, but Andy Bell, George Downing, and Moshiri through Blue Sky Capital are also funders of this project.
• Alternatively, MSP has an option to acquire 50 per cent plus one share of Everton’s issued share capital, which would give MSP majority control over Everton Football Club.

Rights and Media Funding is a five-year rolling credit facility. Think of this as something similar to a credit card. Here is where you get conflicting information. A significant discrepancy in reporting, which in my opinion can be a dealbreaker. A few outlets report this loan is secured by future payments from transfers/media, etc. I likely believe it is secured against Everton’s bank accounts, fixed charges over Everton’s property portfolio (near Goodison Park), and a floating charge over all other unencumbered assets. (Shoutout to The Esk, he is an absolute gem). This RMF debt accrues a 10.25% interest.
These are the loans that Everton will have to pay regardless as they are secured well.
Loans to 777 Partners (Inherited by A Cap) are likely junior to these two loans. In any bankruptcy event, MSP and RMF get paid first before 777 Partners and Moshiri. However, A Cap says their loan is secured and they are senior creditors of the club, which would put them at the same level as MSP and RMF.
The Timing
Something that came up in the chatter was the timing of this takeover. It is interesting as Everton is due to receive prize money payments from the league which are stood at £133 million. This is the money the club receives from the overall competition commercial pool, which is distributed to all the teams, based on a few things, for example, their position in the league table at the end of the season.
Folks involved in financing other clubs have said this payment likely hits before 30th June. There is another payment due in August/September which is the first tranche of payments from the league. (Unsure on this one, but this is what I heard, payment flows vary a lot).
Despite the timing, the payments would go only so far in helping the club and were likely factored in during takeover talks. My bet is the takeover is likely to complete before 30th June, or at least a structure is agreed upon. 30th June is the deadline used for accessing Premier League Profit & Sustainability Rules (PSR) compliance.
If deals can be done before that “deadline”, they fall within transfers for the 2023/24 season and are included in the club’s financial accounts for last season, rather than moving into the new campaign. If the plan of the new owners is to recapitalize the team, pay down some debt, and sell players to avoid another PSR violation penalty, my bet is the deal gets done before June 30th.
The Sale
The Buyers As of today, June 8 11:00 pm PDT, here are the potential suitors:

• Andy Bell, George Downing, backed by BDT & MSD Partners (More on this later)
• A consortium led by MSP Sports Capital
• Vatche Manoukian and Investors from Gulf and USA
• John Textor, founder of Eagle Football, owns 45% of Crystal Palace
• Dan Friedkin, Owner of AS Roma

Hear rumblings of another group, but almost everyone is looking to finance the takeover using debt along with equity. Many suitors will be willing to provide debt-based financing for the purchase, hence allegiances are bound to change.
The Possibilities
Here are the things that can happen. I am simplifying this to the bare minimums. The actual deals are complicated af and take months to put up and months to complete.
Possibility I: New Owner comes in, pays all debt, and recapitalizes the team
Highly unlikely. The Premier League is a lucrative league for almost every single private equity investor. It’s the league that is expected to continue to grow and firms take less downside risk when buying a team versus a team in a league like Serie A.
However, this would cost any new owner over £1 billion. My bet it costs somewhere around £1.3 billion. Deals of this size happen, but Everton is in a unique position and negotiating from a position of weakness. In my opinion, only someone in the Middle East or a single buyer would be able to pull this through. No one in private equity would commit to this, as they are all answerable to their investors.
Simply put, Everton is not worth £1.3 billion.
Possibility II: New Owner comes in and negotiates with creditors
A likely option. In this case, a new owner comes in and negotiates with the creditors to either forego some of this debt or restructure it over an extremely long period of time at low rates. This would make Everton a more lucrative option. However, the club would still owe a lot of money over the long run and will be paying interest on that loan.
This would mean Everton is run like a lean machine for a few years, with fewer resources going towards things like player transfers, etc. It would, however, still be able to stay afloat.
Possibility III: MSP Capital exercise the option to take majority control of Everton
Another likely option. More likely than Possibility II. MSP Capital takes majority control and would, in all honesty, look to buy out Moshiri. They will need a lot of capital, and they are already pulling strings, putting up their stake in FC Augsburg for sale last week. MSP buy out Moshiri, restructure some of the debt, and put up some more capital. They would likely clear the RMF loan first.
The managing partner of MSP Sports Capital, Jeff Moorad, was a professor of mine in a class I took at UCLA. He is an absolute beast, and an amazing dude to hang with. Unbiased view, MSP is actually highly respected in the industry, and widely regarded as having a razor sharp approach to finance.
They are known to take long positions, but I think Everton would likely be a position they hold for the short term, IF they go alone on this deal. (This is my take, not Professor Moorad). It would be akin to what Elliott Investment Management did with AC Milan when their Chinese owners backed out. They would step in, stabilize the ship, hope the new stadium attracts enough new commercial and matchday revenue, and sell the team to another buyer recovering some of their investment. What Elliott did with AC Milan was absolutely legendary, and in no world would Gerry Cardinale and RedBird have bought AC Milan had Elliott not done its job.
INSIDE INFO HERE: I cannot reveal others in the MSP Sports Capital consortium. Texted a former colleague who is at the firm that are bidders with MSP. If the consortium is agreed upon, MSP comes in with others, who are capable of buying majority control, and running Everton over the long term. MSP in this case would still retain a minority stake. The new stadium holds the key to this deal.
Possibility IV: Everton goes into administration
Cannot rate this option or its likelihood. Let me walk you through this. Administration is a major taboo in the football world, but something extremely common in finance. It is a way for a firm to basically restructure its debt and get back to good health. It does not mean the club ceases to exist.
The preferred way that things are done is through a method called ‘company voluntary arrangement’ (CVA). In a CVA, a deal is put forth, which creditors vote on, usually giving them less money than they are owed, with voting power decided based on seniority. In this case, MSP and RMF would get more votes in the say versus A-Cap and Moshiri.
CVAs are extremely common in the EFL and other leagues, with advisory firms literally minting millions every year, doing nothing but advising teams here. In the Premier League, only Portsmouth has ever gone into administration. Going into administration would see 9 points being docked at the start of next season for Everton.
The Pros of this approach:

• Everton sheds a ton of debt. This would make it extremely attractive for someone to buy the club.
• The reduced debt will likely be restructured over the long run, hence a free-spending owner coming in can actually devote more money to things like rebuilding the squad, enhancing facilities, hiring more staffers, and growing the club.

The Cons:

• A ton of people likely get fired at Everton, as the club must break even.
• The club cannot spend any more money on signings. They may even sell players.
• Local businesses are affected the most, these are folks who provide things like catering services, produce, florists, etc.
• The Big Kahuna: Going into administration can trigger certain clauses in player contracts that allow them to leave for free. I have seen it happen with teams in the EFL, but the situation remains subjective. Any player with such a clause would need assurances from the new owners before the takeover is complete.

There are some speculations online as this being the preferred way in for new owners. I doubt it, but the threat of administration is enough for even the world’s biggest banks/financiers to come to the negotiating table. Every possible new owner would hold this gun over Moshiri’s head, to get him to agree to a deal, and forgo as much of his loans.
Some Questions I think are FAQs
Is Michael Dell buying Everton?
No, Michael Dell is not buying Everton. Michael Dell’s family office is DFO Management, which was formerly known as MSD Capital. MSD Capital was Michael Dell’s family office, meaning it exclusively invested his money. However, in 2009, MSD Capital opened up to outside investors and became an investment firm of its own. In 2023, MSD merged with BDT to create BDT+MSD, the firm that is backing the Bell and Downing bid.
They do still invest some of Dell’s money, and Dell may be their biggest investor, but as far as I know, BDT is huge itself, managing some of the capital from the Walton Family (Walmart), the Pritzkers, and the Mars Family. BDT’s founder, Byron Trott, is worth about $3.2 billion alone. Trott is considered a legend at Goldman, where he helped Buffett structure his investment in Goldman Sachs during the financial crisis of 2008. One of my ex-bosses worked at Goldman during this period under Trott’s team and considers him a legend, even saying he single-handedly saved Goldman Sachs by convincing Buffett to invest and structuring some wild deals.
One thing I know for sure is BDT+MSD would likely pursue a debt-based financing structure. They are not built to go heavy into equity-based financing for sports teams. BDT+MSD have already done a bunch of debt-based deals; Everton won’t be different. In the scenario where Bell and Downing succeed in taking over, Everton would likely owe a lot of money to BDT+MSD.
Would Bell and Downing with BDT+MSD make sense?
My take here is no. Running a football club is no joke. Even though Bell and Downing being Evertonians makes it ideal, I am not entirely convinced of their ability to run a team. Everton would still be severely constrained financially, as they would owe money to BDT+MSD, and Bell and Downing wouldn’t be able to pump a lot of cash into the business from their end.
There is nothing that guarantees Everton will not see the same scenario as it does now, three years after Bell and Downing take over. Private equity folks make sense, as they come in knowing they may know other clubs but don’t know much about Everton. They will, by default, bring on Evertonians on the board, and will have much more incentive to run it over the long term, as the only way they see a return is through actually growing the club economically, which only means a better Everton on and off the pitch.
Are BDT+MSD backing only Bell and Downing?
No, BDT+MSD are free to back anyone in the contention. They are committing to debt-based financing, so as long as the buyer is credible enough, they should have no problem going ahead. Considering they are backing Bell and Downing, I would be surprised if others in the race did not get better financing terms.
As I said, allegiances in debt-based financing are fluid. The hard truth here is BDT+MSD would likely be calling up other potential buyers who bid to see if BDT+MSD can provide financing for their deal. Debt-based financing for a Premier League club is pretty much a dream scenario for any firm, as the underlying asset securing the loan is more stable than in other deals.
Simply put, BDT+MSD are not competing with other potential buyers; they are competing with firms like JP Morgan, Sixth Street, Ares, Arctos, etc., who may want to front one of the buyers.
What’s up with A-Capital?
I do not know. Conflicting things online. I doubt A-Capital will get to invest anything more in Everton, through debt or through equity. I also read that their financial position is under question as the rating they rely on no longer reflects their financial standing. However, I still do not know what there position is.
Who do I want to see win the bid?
Biased towards MSP Sports Partners because of Jeff Moorad. If they pull the consortium through, and the other investors take over the majority club, all I can say is Everton would be lucky. That being said, there are plenty of other people willing to buy Everton with MSP. As of now, the one most likely, along with MSP, would be a dream scenario.
Also, it wont take time for someone entirely new to emerge as a suitor. That is how consortium works. People are surprised, but its literally like texting friends to pitch in and creating a group chat. Things happen over Telegram/Whatsapp/Signal. My boss had once raised $xxx million for a deal texting the LP in the deal. The conversation went along these lines.
Prospectus sent over Mail + WhatsApp
My Boss : What do you think?
LP : $xxx m 👍
LP : Jeff also $xx m and Jake $xx m 🤝🤝
I can bet there are plenty of group chats of potential consortiums that may enter bidding. Everton FC is low-key a bargain, the debt will eventually get restructured. There are plenty of more messy restructurings that have happened in Finance before. Creditors eventually cave, but its a dogfight.
Enough written. Feel free to drop any Qs you may have, I will answer them to the best of my ability and knowledge of Everton’s finances. Massive shout to The Esk. The guy seems incredibly passionate about Everton.
I really hope you guys pull through, I know you will.

For context we were in a relationship for approximately 3 years and everything seemed great we were a good fit, understood and loved each other deeply, besides some disagreements that in my mind I thought they were normal because every couple has them.
The disagreements started two months ago when he out of the blue told me that he decided to leave to another state to work for 4 months to save some money for his family, for me it was okay that he decided to do that but the only issue was that he never said he planned that, he told me one day before he made everything ready, the plane tickets and resigning from his job in our country, his response for that was that he believes in bad eye.
Thinking that we had three years that we were together I wished i was included in this decision and that made me upset, the month prior to his departure was the one that we had the most arguments, him saying i wish you were more supportive and understanding and me saying that if you keep things from me now in the future you will do that again for more important things, also that i wish to be included in important decisions like this.
We never got to understand each other perspective, but still we made it work, before his departure both of us were crying and sad he also left me some of his things that he would get them when he came back. So i never thought we would break up because of these disagreements.
When he went abroad the first week was okay him sending me instagram reels how i make his life better, video calling and texting constantly, two days after the reel he became cold when texting and we argued the whole night because he was saying life cannot be spent with someone so emotional, so dramatic and not understanding, and that i made his life a living hell for the three years we were together. This came as a shock to me, I’ve never thought the situations was that bad we argued and talked and for a moment it seemed that everything was okay since he said im just overworked and stressed and im not sure what im feeling so we talk about this another time. We talked the upcoming days but he was being colder and more distant, I was mad that this happened like that so i kept pushing him to make a decision in what to do and his answers were only “I dont know” which made me more frustrated.
He suggested we keep talking and see were things would go, I did agree but he still was distant, we had an argument about it and in the heat of the moment he said lets end everything that we have right here.
Since i felt bad I started the argument and that I was really pushy for an answer I suggested to have some time alone and he agreed. Didn’t hear from him in some days so I decided to text him, I also did miss him and I wanted to talk. He was cold and said that he thinks were better off alone and he made his decision clear, not happy of how it happened i texted that this way was not fair it was selfish of him but over text you cannot say much, we just agreed that when he comes back after 4 more months he will take his stuff back.
After removing him from my socials we did talk once more when he accidentally sent an message and unsent it but i was able to see it and i texted him to at least get an explanation. He said that he didn’t want to repeat himself, the month prior to his departure was a living hell because of me he has been thinking about this for some time and that the distance made him understand that is better not to be together.
Its been two weeks I haven’t heard anything anymore, looks like his decision clear, I’m still in shock, confused and mad. I’ve never saw it coming since overall he’s been great and this was the first time it happened, also there were no signs prior to this.

Dear child....
a future version of you wanted me to send this to you, right now you are scared.... alone.... but you are brave. you chose sacrifices.... you will know Love one day in it's purest unconditional form. IT WILL FIND YOU. I know future you.... I Loved Her so intensely that my passion and hope for her to find peace turned to anger and envy. your greatest strength can become your undoing, or it can ride the on the rays of your beaming smile and spread this Love to Everyone you encounter.... choose wisely though. your exchange for this gift comes at the great cost of pain and not just your own. but stay vigilant Child..... you will taste Love.
the lesson:
The pain and fear of opening up to love after betrayal is a reminder that while you were DETERMINED to move forward, we must also acknowledge and heal from our past wounds.
Your Story:
In the realm of the forsaken, a man stood alone,
His heart encased in stone, from the love he once known.
Abandoned and Betrayed by his wife, his children, his kin,
Each wound deeply carved into his skin. A story of loss, of deceit, and of sin.
He wandered the earth, alone as a nomad of sorrow,
Swearing off love, and secretly fearing all tomorrows.
His world, once bright, was now a desolate scene,
A callously hardened soul, where warmth used to be....
In his exile, he vowed to start anew,
But the weight of his past was a burden too true.
Then, as fate would have it, in his path crossed a maiden,
A Gorgeous Goddess, smile vibrant, with life she was laden.
Her beauty was like the dawn, radiant and clear,
But within her eyes, a shadow of fear.
She, too, was running from a past that was grim,
Together they walked, their futures less dim.
She took on his load, shared in his plight,
Gave him laughter, gave him light.
But as he grew stronger, she began to fade,
Her vibrant colors to a somber shade.
They shared a lifetime in moments so brief,
Their journey together brought a bittersweet relief.
He built her a world, from the life she restored,
But as it took shape, her presence was ignored.
For she was the night to his emerging day,
And as he shone brighter, she slipped away.
He turned to show her, his creation so grand,
But faced abandonment, an empty hand.
The first three wounds reopened wide,
Seeping dreams, hopes, and the promises that died.
The fourth cut deepest, a cruel twist of fate,
Leaving him hollow, in a desolate state.
He continued to build, though she was gone,
But in his heart, he knew he couldn't go on.
The man who once was, now a memory faded,
In the world he built for her, alone and jaded.
For in the end, it was he who ceased to be,
A shadow of a man, lost in a sea.
Of betrayal and fear, of love's cruel jest,
A tale of a heart, that never found rest.
I hope you find this one day here. you know who are. i wrote this with the essence of the Pisces last gasp of breath to try and creatively let you into this painful area.... this is the NICEST way i can interpret my feelings for this situation. i won't remember the good. fuck you for it. all of you honestly. your good memories are selfish and cowardly for the pain and anguish i have to endure yet. but your peace of mind is/was what matters to you. i can never look at you for all i can remember is the LIE that bound my soul to your Tainted Twisted mind. Felt proud of once.... Proud of the person who ripped my walls down with that FAKE smile (your eyes told on you). just enough to here me commit. but you knew.... you knew when i would look into your eyes that you seen fear. you hated the comparisons... sick of them you said. can't help but to see her in you. some darkness in the pits of my Ex-Wife's soul touch you. I Do Not Know how the devil knows my name so well, but i told you he finds me everywhere i go. so you played his game and told me lies with that forked tongue.... you didn't love me. you Loved your image in the eyes of peers. burn me down as long you get a glitter in each and every one their eyes as they look upon you. i hope you feel important. i was no saint. but at least i call myself Human still. the thought of touching your skin makes my stomach wretch bc i KNOW i'd also be touching all of them too. THAT was the curse you would whisper in your dreams. yet i knew it was in the contract that i signed when i told you i love you. i will NEVER forgive you for the cutting blow that put me on this path again. i came here to start over, not to sleep for a while and keep running. you've left me with no choice. enjoy your stone garden. i here the sulfur is plentiful here..... ROT
Keep my heart.... i have no need for it

Backstory: I was close friends with a girl, let’s call her Emma, for a considerable number of years. She had always been a bit manipulative and had a vast history of short-term flings with guys, but my family liked her. I, 17f, am relatively self reserved and had never experienced a relationship before. One summer I returned from an abroad trip and she announced that she had a new guy to “rebound” from her ex boyfriend (Tom) of a couple months. She invited me to meet him. He was an attractive guy, let’s call him Jake, and him and I got along pretty well. I asked her if it was okay to get his Snapchat and she agreed. Main story: As Emma and Jake started to grow closer, Jake became suspicious of her cheating. As a good friend I didn’t know what to do, as she was already bragging about Tom being interested in her again. One evening I get a call from Jake asking me to tell him Emma’s Life360 location as she’s been very dry over text and barely responded to his messages. He also said it was starting to negatively impact his mental health and he didn’t know how long he could cope. I looked at Emma’s location and instantly knew it was Tom’s house. I had no idea what to do, but knew the morally right thing would be to be honest to Jake. I called Emma, who told me that she was seeing Tom in secret and for me to not report back to Jake as she still wanted him in case “things went wrong”. It didn’t sit right with me knowing Jake was in such a state, and seeing Snapchat videos of Emma cuddling with Tom and looking so smug. I told him the location and Emma came clean, ending things with Jake so she could return to her ex. Emma made it clear that Jake was never her boyfriend, she was never in love with him and he was simply a “quick rebound”. Fast forward two months and Jake and I had been messaging a while as friends. We bounced off each other’s humour and shared very similar morals. One evening he asked me if I fancied meeting his friends, and I said sure. I distanced from Emma after she said some nasty words to my sister, and thought it would be fun. I didn’t realise it would end in kissing Jake at the end of the night. His friends were teasing him and making it obvious he liked me, and I couldn’t deny my attraction towards him. We continued to meet until he asked me to be his girlfriend, and soon later we confessed our love for one another. I felt guilty, but had comfort in the fact that Emma told me she never loved him and he didn’t mean anything to her. A mutual friend between Emma and Jake noted that I was Jake‘s girlfriend and proceeded to tell Emma. Despite Emma still being in a healthy, long-lasting relationship with Tom, she proceeded to message family members, including my sister, saying that I need “psychiatric help” because I’m “f****d in the head” for getting with Jake. She said I should have “taken her feelings into account” and she felt “incredibly hurt” because she allegedly felt such an attraction to Jake when she was with him. She messaged my friends telling them to avoid me because I’m “dangerous” and I’m “going insane”, and tried to tell me that the only reason Jake is with me is because he’s still in love with her and “needed a rebound”, so it’s not “real love” which I perceived as a little arrogant. She also tried to tell me that Jake was flirting with her and head-over-heels in love with her, would get back with her in a heartbeat and HE told her we were dating, not the mutual friend. Jake and I both knew this wasn’t the case, and I had confirmation from all of our friends saying it wasn’t Jake that told Emma. After Tom recently broke up with Emma, she is trying to make out that she is suddenly in love with Jake “again” and wishes to get back with him, and if I was a “good friend”, I would break up with Jake so that she could get back with him and finally “take it seriously”. So- AITA? Fast forward- Jake and I split up due to him cheating on me with another girl. Their short relationship soon ended and our friend group decided to meet up after I finished colllege. Jake turns up, and brings Emma with him. He announces that they are back together. Of course this is a strange feeling, and seeing Emma purposely kissing him/publicly showing affection all whilst giving me an evil eye was an unpleasant experience. She also body shamed me multiple times and continued to ask my other friends (who I met through Jake) why they were friends with a “fake friend” like me, all while I was there. My family tells me to leave the group, but they are the only friends I have but since Emma has rejoined the group things have changed. Any advice on this subject would be appreciated ❤️

As the title suggests, we need help and advice on how to undo a habit we have created. We have a 22 month old daughter and since about 12 months old she has been crying at night to the point where we’d give up and go into her room & sleep on her floor to get her to settle. She physically would not settle until we went in there but obviously being so tired, we’d end up falling asleep with her. This quickly became a nightly occurrence and myself or my partner were in there every night without fail. Then we had another baby in January so we thought, we will get her used to the baby then try and transition her out of this habit, then we moved states and my partner said, when we settle and she’s used to her new room, we will work on how to stop going in every night. Well, now she is 22 months and it’s still happening, every. single. night.
Because we have another little one, I’m with her at night and my partner is sleeping with our older child. He never sleeps in our bed and is having the worst sleeps plus we never get to sleep in the same bed together which isn’t good for our relationship.
We are both against cry it out. We’ve tried leaving her baby gate open so she can run into our room and hop in our bed when this happens, that was not a fun time trying to get her back down in our bed. We do not know what to do but we need this to stop. How do we do this?!

Hey everyone,
I wanted to share an interesting story that happened to me a few days ago in the world of Tibia. It involves Lady Tenebris, a bit of bad luck, and ultimately, a reminder of the good people in our community.
With Lady Tenebris being boosted, I decided to maximize the opportunity by killing her just after server save (SS) and aiming for another kill before the next SS. Since I work night shifts and finish just an hour before SS, I knew time was tight. So, right after work, I logged into the game on my Surface Go 2 tablet at my workplace. I met up with my organized team, and we successfully took down Lady Tenebris.
After the fight, I quickly packed up my gear, pressing a button to stow my Soulshell armor back into my backpack. I then closed my device, unplugged my mouse dongle, packed my tablet into my real backpack, and headed home. Later, when I logged back into the game on the PC and went to kill more bosses, I noticed my Soulshell armor was missing. It wasn’t in any of my backpacks or my depo. I was puzzled.
Suspecting a bug introduced by a recent update, I asked around in a server Discord group if anyone else had experienced something similar. One member, going by the name Dash Zoomyy(1000+ RP), asked me about the specifics of the armor and if it was imbued. He also asked if I had killed Lady Tenebris that morning. After confirming my responses, he told me he had my armor.
Here's what happened: After I killed the boss and left the fight room, I entered the safe room, where I pressed the power button on my tablet and got kicked from the game a moment later. Sometime later, Dash entered that room and saw a 290 Royal Paladin, Roberto'Pall, standing there with a Soulshell armor laying on the ground. Assuming it was dropped by accident, Dash let Roberto pick it up. Roberto didn't feel good about keeping something that wasn't his and, suspecting that the armor actually belonged to Dash Zoomyy, decided to return it to him. At first, Roberto thought it was just some player disguising himself as the armor with spells. It took him a moment to realize that it was indeed a Best-in-Slot (BiS) armor just laying on the floor.
Despite his guildmates advising him to keep the armor, Roberto felt it was right to give it back. I reached out to thank Roberto for his honesty, as he saved me from losing around 110 million gold coins. Although this might not be a significant amount for many, it was for me, given my playstyle doesn't generate much income, and I had bought the armor for 150 million only thanks to selling Tibia coins.
A few days later, I powered on my tablet again and saw my character still in that small room with the Soulshell armor on the floor. It seems I might have accidentally dragged the armor out while closing my device, likely due to contact between the keyboard and screen.
This experience reminded me that despite the sometimes self-serving nature of online games, there are still good people out there who care about others. Let’s appreciate and cherish these moments and the people who make our community better.
Stay safe and happy hunting!
Once again, huge thanks to Dash Zoomyy and Roberto'Pall for saving me from another fail, courtesy of my need to play Tibia after night shifts.
TL;DR:
I lost my Soulshell armor after killing Lady Tenebris and logging off at work on my tablet. Dash Zoomyy discovered Roberto'Pall had picked it up, thinking it was accidentally dropped. Despite his guildmates' advice to keep it, Roberto returned the armor, saving me from losing 110 million gold coins.
I'd love to hear your own experiences with kind players in the game, so feel free to share your stories in the comments below!

To start this post, I'll preface this that I do enjoy a few drinks with friends, from time to time. There's nothing wrong with most vices in moderation. The problem lays with how dominant alcohol is within our culture.
No matter where you go in the U.K., alcohol is a large part of our culture. Whether it be regular pints after work or binge drinking weekends. It's everywhere, pretty much nonstop.
My family has Irish roots. Growing up, I saw the damage alcohol did to people. To people who are alcoholics (obviously) and people who didn't necessarily binge, but drank alcohol regularly. Our symbiotic relationship with alcohol is problematic.
There's two main problems with our British drinking culture:
Default method of socialising
It seems most British people can't comfortably socialise without drinking. No matter what the social event is, most people need a few drinks. They've effectively created a strong neural asscociation between alcohol and socialisation within their brain.
This leads to drinking far too regularly and/or too much. As a social species, we need regular social contact. If alcohol is a default part of this within the culture, it results in what we currently have, which is people drinking multiple times per week.
Detrimental health effects
The average person thinks regular consumption of alcohol is okay, so as long as one stays within the weekly unit guidelines.
This isn't correct. Limiting units per week is beneficial compared to someone who consume significantly more, but regular alcohol consumption still leads to detrimental health effects.
Not to mention, most people don't understand what a unit of alcohol is and drink significantly more than they think.
Alcohol is a toxin, which the body tries to eliminate as fast as it can. But the thing is, it takes time for the body to heal from the effects of its damage. Once the body has excreted alcohol and its metabolites, it still needs time to repair each organ.
Here's a good study overview on this:
https://arcr.niaaa.nih.gov/volume/41/1/natural-recovery-liver-and-other-organs-after-chronic-alcohol-use
It takes weeks for various organs to restore in function after a single night of drinking. Especially organs such as the pancreas. Regular alcohol consumption in the West accounts for up to 70% of pancreatitis cases. Inflamed pancreas is a large factor in the development of diabetes. It's worth reading the above study.
Not to mention, alcohol depletes a plethora of micronutrients from the body. Especially water soluble micronutrients such as; thiamine, vitamin C, sodium, magnesium, potassium and more. Many of which, the average British person doesn't consume enough to begin with. So they’re losing their already low levels of these micronutrients.
This regular alcohol consumption also affects one's appearance. Depletion of micronutrients and not allowing the body to heal, triggers accelerated aging. This is why our friendly cousins from the land of the free, who on average drink 1/2 as much as us Brits (according to studies), judge us as looking worse than them. A lot of us have that stereotypical, aged and stressed out look. We both have similar life stressors, both eat the standard Western diet, but us Brits drink double the alcohol...
Our culture needs to change
Me and my friend group are in our 20s and have started to socialise a lot more without alcohol. It's improved both our mental health and our overall health. I think it's about time our culture breaks from the shackles of regular alcohol consumption.

know this might sound like I'm being entitled as that's why so many are lonely but I need some advice on why I feel this way.
31M I have a successful career, I own my house, I'm financially stable.
So I been doing some Online dating around 6 dates (women) in 3 months. All went great I've had 2 girls wanting to take it more serious and become a couple. But for some reason I feel like if I proceed to the next level i feel like I will let them down.. or I won't be good enough for them as time goes on.. is this feeling normal or is there something else going on with me.
I have a date again next Saturday with a different girl. She has gone straight to the point of saying "we can go out drinking get wasted and grab some food and see where the night takes us"
This is obviously a invitation for a hookup. And I'm all for that but now I feel like I might be leading this girl on. Should I tell her this Is how I feel or should I just keep doing what I'm doing till I feel comfortable.
As some friends stated it's "because you haven't met the right one and she will come along eventually just keep dating"
I'd like to also get some advice from women about this aswell as men have any of you felt this way?

A4A
Story driven script
Sfx/actions: ()
Male/female
Word count:1401 ………………
Masterlist version:https://drive.google.com/file/d/18qZHsfgBd2cxZX7b0AQBFeIBci31KlFf/view?usp=drivesdk
(Fire crackling)
“ugh my head, that's the last time I have six shots in three minutes, it's such a stupid bet why do I always take it up, it only ever leads to the worst hangovers the next day”
“Huh? This isn't my apartment. Where the hell am I?”
“OK breath (name) breathe this could still just be a dream, I mean it must be right I've been drunk before but never drunk enough to end up in a cave that for some reason has those ancient torches on the walls “
(Pinches themselves)
“Oww…OK so not a dream, that's not good I'm gonna need to get up and find a way out of here before whatever calls this cave home either wakes up or comes home to find a nice tasty and possibly still slightly drunk snack”
“Ugh OK standing up is not going to work right now, damn I am in a mess, sitting in a random cave too lethargic and dizzy to stand up”
“This can't just be from too many drinks, maybe someone spiked my drink?... I mean it's possible and would make sense for why I'm in the middle of nowhere with no memory of last night”
“Well now it's even more important that I get out of here, for all I know they Could be coming to find me right now, or maybe it was them that put me here in the first place”
“Whoa…Ok still can't stand but I can crawl”
“There we go, that's better, the world isn't spinning and I'm making progress, at least I think this is the way out …up is out right?”
(Pause)
“Pant, pant, pant, that was a much deeper cave than I thought, I swear if I kneel on one more sharp rock I'm going to scream”
“But at least I'm finally at the entrance to the cave and it seems to be daytime so I can finally get back to some semblance of civilisation, how I ended up all the way out here I'll never know”
“AHH oww what the hell?”
“AHH fuck why does the sun burn …ahh that felt like I grabbed a hot iron”
“ok, ok breathe (name) there must be some kind of reasonable reason for why the sun burns, I mean there must be right? it's not as if someone just becomes Hypersensitive To the sun overnight, maybe I'll head back into the cave and see if I can find any AHH WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?, GET BACK”
“RELAX…NO, I WON'T RELAX YOU KIDNAPPED ME, STOP MOVING”
“Stop…telling me to calm down, I'm not going to …wait why did I calm down?...why can't I get angry?”
“I'm…in your thrall?, what do you mean that I'm in your thrall?”
“I follow your orders even if I don't want to … the Hell is that supposed to mean, I'm like your slave?”
“More like a servant?...ok OK let's go back a minute, what The hell is going on?”
“Yes I think that at the very least I deserve some answers about what happened last night, why I'm in a cave and why every time I try and go into the sun it feels like someone has dumped acid on my skin AHH …STUPID SUN”
(Footsteps)
“OK, ok I'm calm again, I'm calm but I still want answers “
(Pause)
“ ok…so you're telling me that I got attacked by a group of vampires on my way home from the Bar and they pretty much entirely drained me of blood? I'm not sure that I believe vampires are real but let's ignore that for just a second. How did I end up here?
“Oh you weren't done, sorry ill be quiet, please continue “
(Longer Pause)
“ok well that's a lot to take in all at once, so there is a list of rules that the more powerful vampires have put in place so that the risk of vampires being discovered and ultimately hunted is reduced as much as possible, so one of these rules is that you do your best not to hunt or harm humans if you have any other choice and you absolutely do not kill, turn or leave them unconscious but that group were young and thought they were untouchable, well young in terms of vampires but still they broke that rule and hunted me anyway”
“Huh, That makes a little more sense but it's still a lot I mean 5 minutes ago I didn't know that you guys existed and now there are rules and laws as well”
“OK well that does explain some stuff but it doesn't answer My question…why am I in this cave?”
“Because they didn't just drink from me they thought it would be funny to turn me into a ….no no you have to be kidding me there's no way that I'm a vampire now I mean there's just no way”
“Stop telling me to relax, this is a perfect situation to not be calm in, and now that I'm thinking about it why am I in thrall to you and not them if they were the ones that turned me?”
“Because they never performed the ritual to bind me to them so you did instead when you found me …why the hell would you do that? I could have been free, I could have figured something out without being in a dark cave while having to follow some random vampires orders”
“Because when a new vampire Is bound to an older one it prevents them from turning feral…I um, didn't know that was a thing that could happen. I guess I'm sorry about that outburst… ugh Can I have a minute?... I just need a minute to try and make sense of everything that you just told me ”
“Thank you…wait before you go. I do have one more question if that's OK?”
“Good um l, what happened to the vampires that turned me? are they still out there?”
“Declawed and de-fanged?That sounds like a pretty painful experience, is it painful?”
“It is?...in that case good, fuck those assholes”
“thank you, I don't know why you're being nice since I've been nothing but aggressive since I met you but, thank you”
“I know that it makes sense to be upset after all that happened to me but still, thank you”
(Pause)
In the speaker's mind: “So I'm a vampire now, well that's just great and it had to be right after I managed to save up to buy my apartment, I wonder if I'll be able to go back after the sun sets, I wonder if they will let me go back”
In the speaker's mind: “ I mean they seem nice enough, they never raised their voice or manhandled me as I'd imagine as an older vampire they could, I wonder if the movie thing about older vampires being stronger and more powerful is a real thing or just fantasy, I'll ask them when they come back ”
In the speaker's mind:” Ugh well there's nothing I can do except try and come to terms with all of this and figure out if I'm spending an eternity in this cave ….hey I just realised I'm immortal now so that's one upside at least”
(Small pause)
In their mind: “I'm going to have to drunk blood aren't I?....well that didn't last long now it's right back to sucking…I hope I don't like the taste”
“ok that's enough wallowing it's time to find them again and see what happens now, hopefully, nothing too bad because my head is still pounding, it's going to be because I'm thirsty I just know it, ugh I feel sick at the thought of having to feed on something…or someone, I honestly don't know which I think would be worst if I'm honest “
“Oh you were only over here, well then I guess you heard a few of the questions I still had but if it's OK can I ask you a couple more?”
“Ah well thank you, should I call you anything in particular?”
“Yeah I can't pronounce that name can I call you Vamps instead? no? Hmm how about fangs?...that's better? good then fangs it is, oh sorry lord/lady fangs”
“Ok, the first question is about the whole drinking blood situation”
(Audio fades out)
(End)

Heavy daily drinker for decades. Many attempts to stop. This felt different etc etc. wasn't clear with how long I was abstaining for, a year felt like a good idea as the idea of forever was too "big".
Went on a solo business trip and decided I deserved 2 pints the night before some big meetings.
Didn't get much out of it, it was only 2 pints. In the morning I was very mildly groggy - no big deal, but anxious. I had not felt anxiety AT ALL for the 31 days prior.
Next day I had one pint, again no big deal. Came home, had 2 very large gin tonics. Woke up, and all of the following flooded back:

• Anxiety
• Agitated and frustrated
• Sweating, I can't believe this came back so immediately
• Craving shit food
• Lethargy
• Depressive symptoms

So, my body is screaming at me to quit once and for all. I think this is it. Forever.