Sure thing shared

Recently started my new post as a manager and given “Ola” to manage. I was told she was “challenging” and that she would need managing to ensure she was meeting standards, as her quality of work had been quite poor. They suggested I consider managing her out of the department…No problem I thought… I had no idea!
Met with Ola and she appeared quite burnt out. I thought no wonder she’s challenging if she’s not feeling good in work. I genuinely felt for her. Ola listed all the things wrong with the department and how this was affecting her mental health and quality of work.
I’ve since gone through that list and systematically ticked these things off whilst offering regular support for Ola to talk about how she was feeling, plus arranged for her to speak to a psychologist outside of the organisation confidentially. The idea being we start with ourselves and our own processes before potentially performance managing Ola. I like to be fair and supportive.
Ola has not improved. In fact, her behaviour towards colleagues has worsened… she’s now also turned on me!
She sends LOTS of emails which are passive aggressive, she states she is bullied by colleagues (although does not wish to take it further), that there has been no support, that I have been horrible to her, that others are horrible to her etc.
Ola is a narcissist. She believes she should be considered much higher than her current position (despite not being able to perform), and in fact should be in charge of all those in the same position as her right across the firm.
She makes “informal complaints” against other colleagues who do something well, offering criticism on why they actually didn’t do a good job.
She even emailed my boss and gave a list of things that I had not done and how this has been upsetting to her and her wellbeing. None of this was true or highly exaggerated.
She twists everything I say round to make it look like I’m making threats to her, that I have been dismissive of her, that I’m generally a horrible person. None of this true!
My boss spoke with me about Ola’s complaints and reassured me that this is how Ola is and she had said similar things about my predecessors. In all fairness to my boss, he has been supportive of me and is on my side thankfully.
He called a meeting between me and Ola to discuss the complaint. Ola reeled off all the horrible things I had supposedly done and they were absolutely ridiculous and frankly insane. When challenged on these views by my boss, Ola took no responsibility and even turned on him. My boss became visibly frustrated with Ola and asked her to reflect on her behaviour.
Since then, Ola has got much, much worse! Now sending emails to to other managers to complain about me and requesting meetings with them.
She’s already on HR’s radar due to this conduct, my boss has said if her behaviour continues, he will meet with her again and as he put it “be more forceful”.
It’s absolutely looking like I will have to manage Ola out of the department/company, but feel very much on sticky ground due the constant complaints and allegations made against me. I’m going to have to be highly creative here.
I feel horribly uncomfortable in work now and I’m not enjoying a job I was once thrilled about. It really is not pleasant going into work and having to see her face.
Apparently it is also affecting others in the department. They have gone to one of the other managers and explained that they are feeling uncomfortable with some of Ola’s behaviours.
Just wanted to share with other managers as in all my years, I’ve never anyone as toxic as Ola.

Hello there!
Not really sure how to properly describe my self or what I'm looking for but I'm pretty open and would love to talk about what pretty much anything. I love learning new things (I'm a prof after all), traveling and spending weekends reading wiki articles. Huge music nerd too. Huge nerd I guess. Feel free to send me a chat, I'm really easy going!

This year I entered algebra 2, 2 years behind many of my peers who took it during their freshman year, but I had a good track record in a geometry and algebra 1 so I was fairly confident. However I ran into an issue I don’t think I’ve ever had in my life. For some reason I have quite literally become incapable of solving things. I often will multiply, add, or subtract incorrectly in ways that an elementary school student wouldn’t even mess up. I have maintained a b both semesters, but my teacher doesn’t grade entirely off of true answers and is therefore very lenient. For example I once received a b on a 2 question quiz that really should have been an f because I didn’t get the second one right. The problem at hand has manifested itself in the same way over and over again and is again on my mind as I try and practice before my final(it’s tomorrow). I completely can grasp these concepts and ideas and can even teach them and lay out every single step meticulously, but often when I solve I cannot get to a right answer. For example today I attempted a question that went along the lines of “Write a polynomial in standard formgiven the zeros below. 7,3 + 1.3 - i”. I attempted this question for over 30 minutes with a confident attitude and being very meticulous with the steps I knew and making sure my multiplication was perfect. I attempted it with three different approaches but the same method and got radically different answers each time. As the title suggests, I’m fed up with this ridiculous issue and knowing what I do about intelligence, brain plasticity, learning, and my other behaviors, I don’t think there is anything I can do. I, not going to give up though and I recognize that some issues are best resolved when we get a fresh set of eyes or distance ourselves. What do you guys recommend if there is hope for me at all? I don’t want to stay like this.

On New Years Day, 2024, after the balloon drop in a nightclub, I saw a hot girl with her hot friends dancing and grinding on men and each other. The girls shared kisses with each other, too. I wanted one of Jane’s (fake name for privacy) hot friends, but after dancing with her for a minute, I pivoted to Jane. She was giving me bedroom eyes and after we danced for a minute, she gave me a giddy smirk, closed her eyes, grabbed me and made out with me. Her lips tasted like alcohol, literally. I was in shock she was kissing me and I eventually kissed back. After a couple hot seconds, Jane pulled back and said I was hot. I am nervous as this was my first kiss since like middle school (I know, I know). We dance and kiss more. All of a sudden I felt panic because again, I tasted alcohol on her lips. “Is she drunk?” - I thought to myself. She was talking pretty normally with ditzy flourishes here and there. She wasn’t stumbling or anything (I actually saw her friends and her enter and leave the vicinity so many times before I pursued her friend. They were very lively and entered dancing every time).
Anyways...after Jane and I tongue kissed on the dance floor while embracing, I pulled back and asked Jane how many fingers I was holding. I remember out of like 4 or 5 times I did the finger test consecutively in that moment, she got 1 wrong. I corrected her. I told her I didn’t want to take advantage of her and she told me that she wasn’t drunk, just “lit”. Jane then put her hand on my shoulder and thanked me for keeping her safe. I then told her that I wanted to make sure she was in control and she was safe (earlier that night, I helped a clearly drunk girl who fell into me find her friend (I did the fingers test on her and she did NOT respond, just glassy eyed, drunk stare and stoically shitfaced) so I already had safety at the forefront of the mind even more from that point). Jane’s response was that she was in control.
We then went to the patio and sat down. She then called me cute in a ditzy way with her giddy smile. We introduced ourselves and actually had a nice conversation. She then proceeded to say she wanted to have sex with me and if I was top or bottom. I told her that I wasn’t interested in sex with her (I was paranoid about STD’s since a relative of mine is a doctor, so I told her that if we were to do it in the future (not that night or the day after due to just being there for vibes, settling into the new year right, New Year’s Day streets were gonna be chaotic with drunk drivers and wild attitudes, I also didn’t bring protection), then I needed paperwork of when she last got tested after sex.
We got each other’s IG’s and planned Tuesday for us to hang out and have sex. Obviously it didn’t work out because my scaredy cat self didn’t create enough comfort and connection compared to attraction in the club. So she saw me as another cute guy who she made out with to 000’s crunk. Jane told her hot friends that I was a good guy and that I was looking out for them.
After we grinded with her friend, Jane and I shared more make out sessions (after she said I was hot and that she loved me) She then told me to tie her up and do naughty things to her. I just laughed and we danced and kissed the night away. The day after, her texts were very favorable and full of encouragement and positivity (we were talking about self improvement). We still follow each other on IG but ceased contact for now. Guess the emotions wore off. It’s all good.
I couldn’t help but make this post because I have generalized anxiety, sensory integration disorder, and non verbal learning disorder. I’m currently getting screened for autism at my regional center. Am I overthinking this whole event and thinking that I coerced her into kissing and shit (when she couldn’t get one of the finger holding rounds right)? I had a serious nervous breakdown over it in March. I deal with a lot of toxic shame and guilt but I don’t know what’s real and what’s not when it comes to truth or narratives that I create for myself. Whether they are healthy or not, am I ducking my ego? I don’t know please help!

For something that’s been in the works for 6 years total, I feel sad and scared. I feel like at the beginning of my academic journey I had room to fall more in love with the career, but after being in school settings (hated) and an SNF setting (ehh), I can’t help but feel like I’m gonna be in a career that I’ll be trapped in forever.
I look at what people rant about a lot, from low pay to high caseloads to burnout, etc. and I can’t say I’m excited to be apart of it all. Not to mention the debt that comes with it.
I know these posts cycle around here and there and I apologize for adding to it, but it seems like this career takes up a lot of room and I’m not sure if I love that.
I plan to work in a SNF… but I’m wondering as a CF would it be OK to work less than 40 hours? I really value my life outside of work and I pray that I get the chance to still have time to do things I love like design and sew… see my friends… make sure life isn’t all as depressing as nursing homes… but would that be feasible?
Please go easy on me haha I’m just anxious and rambling but I’m open to all suggestions and comments. Thank you

i’m just looking for anyone to talk to about genuinely anything, as long as the conversation isn’t dry and it is lively instead. that’s all.
if you have anything you’d like to talk about or share like, interests, hobbies, movies. or just things you don’t talk to people about usually, i am down to listen and give you prompt and fun conversation!

Hodadenon: The Last One Left and the Chestnut Tree
Long ago a boy and his uncle lived together in an elm bark lodge.
The boy’s name was Hodadenon, which means “The Last One Left.”
All of the rest of his family had disappeared over the years and it was thought they had been killed by those who were ‘otgont’, possessed of wicked powers.
Each morning the uncle would feed Hodadenon and then go out of the lodge to hunt, leaving the boy by himself. Each evening he would return, again feed the boy, and then go to sleep.
One day Hodadenon was playing by himself in the lodge.
He began to think. “Enh,” he said, “why is it that I never see my uncle eat?”
Then he took a bone awl and made a small hole in the deerskin he used as a blanket each night.
“Tonight,” said Hodadenon, “I shall see what happens after we go to bed.”
That evening as always the uncle returned. He fed the boy and told him to go to sleep. Hodadenon lay down on one side of the fire and on the other side the uncle lay down on his couch, which was made of saplings and covered with many animal skins.
Pulling the deerskin over his head, Hodadenon pretended to sleep, but he could still see his uncle through the small hole he had made.
After a time, the uncle stood up and went over to the fire.
“Hodadenon,” said the uncle in a soft voice, but the boy did not answer.
Three times more the uncle called his name, but Hodadenon still pretended to sleep. Coming closer to the fire, the uncle blew very hard into it.
Sparks flew out, landing on the boy’s legs.
“Hodadenon,” said the uncle, “be careful. You are going to be burned.”
But even though some of the sparks fell on his bare skin and burned him Hodadenon did not move.
“Nyoh,” said the uncle, “the boy is indeed asleep.”
He went over to his couch and removed the skins.
He lifted off the top of the couch and took out a box made of birch bark.
All of this Hodadenon watched through the hole in his blanket.
Opening the box made of birch bark, the uncle took out a small pot.
It was so small that it fit easily in the palm of his hand.
From inside the pot he took out another object which the boy could not clearly see though it looked to be smaller than an acorn.
Using a little knife, the uncle scraped tiny shavings from the thing into the pot.
Then, putting the tiny pot over the fire, he blew on it and sang this song:
Grow, pot, grow in size
Grow, pot, grow in size
And as Hodadenon watched, the pot grew in size as the uncle sang his song and blew on it. Finally the pot was as large as a normal cooking pot and the odour of something delicious came from it.
Before long the food was ready and the uncle ate it all.
When he was through, he blew once more on the pot and sang this song:
Shrink, pot, shrink in size
Shrink, pot, shrink in size
And once again the pot became small enough to hold in the palm of his hand.
Replacing the thing he had scraped in the tiny pot, Hodadenon’s uncle replaced the pot in the birch bark box and again hid everything in the secret compartment under his couch. Then he went to sleep.
The next morning, as always, the uncle went out hunting and left the boy alone in the lodge. For a time Hodadenon played around the lodge.
He shot his small bow and arrow at a target and did other things, but the song his uncle sang to the pot kept going through his head.
Finally he could stand it no longer.
“My uncle will be back soon from his hunting,” he said. “He will be very hungry. I should prepare a meal for him.”
Hodadenon went over to his uncle’s couch, pulled off the skins and opened the compartment.
Taking out the box of birch bark, he opened it and found the tiny pot.
Within it was half of a small dry nut.
“So this is my uncle’s food,” said Hodadenon, “but it is almost gone.
If I want to make enough for him to eat, I must use it all.
I am sure he can get more.” So Hodadenon took a knife and scraped all that was left of the nut into the tiny pot.
Then, placing the pot over the fire, he blew on it and sang:
Grow, pot, grow in size
Grow, pot, grow in size
Sure enough, just as it had done for his uncle, the pot became larger.
Now it was the size of a normal cooking pot and it was boiling and boiling.
But Hodadenon was not satisfied, “surely my uncle will be more hungry than this when he comes home.
I must make more.”
Then he blew on the pot and again sang:
Grow, pot, grow in size
Grow, pot, grow in size
Now the pot was so large and bubbling so fast that Hodadenon had to stretch to stir the contents, which smelled very good indeed.
“Neh,” said Hodadenon, “this isn’t enough. What if my uncle wishes to share this good food with me.
After all, he will be grateful that I prepared it.
I must make more.”
So, once more, he blew on the kettle and sang the song.
Again the pot grew and now it was so large that Hodadenon had to stand on top of his uncle’s couch and use a canoe paddle to stir the contents, but he was so excited that he did not want to stop.
“This is almost enough for us,” he said, “but what if we should have visitors?
We should have enough to offer them as well.”
So, for a fourth time, Hodadenon blew on the pot and sang the magic song.
The pot grew so big that Hodadenon had to get out of the lodge because it filled the whole place from side to side! It was so big that the only way the boy could stir it was by taking a long pole up to the roof and reaching down to stir it through the smoke hole!
When Hodadenon’s uncle came back from hunting, the first thing he saw was the pudding bubbling out of the door of the lodge.
He heard someone singing above him and looked up.
There was Hodadenon, swinging his legs in the smoke hole, still stirring the pudding and singing happily:
What a good cook I am
What a good cook I am
We all will eat well now
What a good cook I am
“Nephew,” called the old man, “come down from there.
What you have done has killed me.”
Then Hodadenon’s uncle blew on the pot through the door of the lodge and sang the song to make it grow small.
When it was down to the size it had been at the beginning, he entered the lodge, lay down on his couch and began to weep.
Hodadenon, who had come down from the smoke hole, walked over to where the old man lay.
“Uncle,” said Hodadenon, “what is wrong?”
“Hodadenon,” said the uncle, “you have used up all of the only food I can eat.
Now I will starve to death.
This is why I never allowed you to see me eat.
I knew that you would do this.”
“Uncle,” said the boy, “things can’t be that bad.
Just go and get another of those little nuts.”
“Neh,” said the uncle, “that is the kind of food called a chestnut.
Long ago, though it was very dangerous, I obtained that one.
All these years I have eaten it and it would have lasted for many more.
Now I am too old to get another one.”
“Wah-ah,” said Hodadenon, “this is my doing.
I shall go and bring back many chestnuts.”
“It is not possible,” said the old man.
“The way is long and guarded by many terrible creatures.
Others of your family have gone there but none have ever returned.”
Yet Hodadenon would not give up. Finally the uncle agreed to tell him the way.
“Go straight to the north, the uncle said. “There you will find a narrow path.
At its first turn it is guarded by two great rattle snakes, slaves to the evil ones who own the chestnut trees.
No one can get past them.”
“But what if I do, Uncle?” asked Hodadenon.
If anyone by good luck passes the great snakes, he will next encounter two huge hears.
They guard a passageway between the rocks.
They too are slaves of the evil ones.
They will tear apart anyone who tries to pass.
“Further on down the path are two giant Panthers which leap upon anyone who attempts to get by them. Hodadeno, it cannot be done.”
“Is that all, Uncle?” Hodadenon said.
“Is it not enough?” said the old man.
“Neh, that is only the beginning. Next is the place where the chestnut trees grow.
There live the seven sisters who own the trees.
All of them are strong in ‘otgont’ power.
If anyone comes to steal the chestnuts, they run from their long lodge and beat the person to death with their clubs.
No one can hope to go undetected, for a flayed human skin hangs in the top of a tree looking down on the chestnut grove and it sings a warning when anyone comes close.”
“Nyah-weh, Uncle,” said Hodadenon, “I thank you for your good advice.
Now I must he on my way. I shall return with the food you need if all goes well.”
Taking two sticks, he tied them together and placed them standing near the fire.
“Watch these sticks, Uncle,” said the boy. “If all is well with me they will not move, but if I am killed they will break apart.”
Now Hodadenon set out on his way.
He went straight to the north and found a narrow path.
“This must be the road my uncle told me of,” said Hodadenon. “It looks easy enough to travel.”
The boy continued along and soon the path began to twist and wind.
Ahead, it turned sharply to the left. Hodadenon stopped, crept off the path, went through the trees, and peered out cautiously.
There on either side of the path, were two great rattlesnakes, coiled and ready to strike.
“Uncle,” said Hodadenon, “you know this road well.” He went and caught two chipmunks. Holding one in each hand he again began to walk the path.
When he came to the two rattlesnakes he threw a chipmunk into the mouth of each before they could strike him.
“Tca,” he said, “you seem to be in need of food.
Now I have given you that which you should hunt for yourselves.
Hawenio, our Creator, did not make any of his beings to be slaves. Go from this place.”
As soon as he finished speaking, the two rattlesnakes uncoiled and crawled off in different directions, leaving the road unguarded as Hodadenon went along his way.
Meanwhile, back at the lodge, the two tied sticks which had been quivering now stood still as Hodadenon’s uncle watched them intently.
Now the path entered a rocky place.
Again Hodadenon left the trail to scout ahead.
There, where the way dipped between two big boulders, were a pair of giant bears, crouched and ready to tear apart anybody who tried to go by.
“Uncle,” said Hodadenon, “you have travelled this road before.”
He climbed a tree where he heard the buzzing of many bees, pulled out two combs of honey and went back onto the path.
When he came to the bears, he hurled the combs of honey into their mouths before they could grab him.
“Hunh,” the boy said, “it looks to me as if you were hungry.
Now I have given you that which you like best of all.
The one who gave us breath, Hawenio, did not make us to be the slaves of anyone.
Go from this place.”
At his words, the two bears turned and went away,each in a different direction as Hodadenon continued down the trail.
Meanwhile, back at the uncle’s lodge, the two tied sticks stopped quivering and Hodadenon’s uncle breathed a sigh of relief.
Now the path entered a deep forest and wound between large trees.
Leaving the trail, Hodadenon crept along till he could see the place where two huge panthers, eyes glowing like green flames, hid behind a pair of giant pines on either side of the path.
“Uncle,” Hodadenon said, “you remember your travels well.”
Taking his bow and arrows, he killed two deer.
Carrying them over his shoulders, he went down the trail once more.
Before the panthers could leap upon him, he threw each of them a deer.
“Ee-yah,” he said, “I see that you were in need of food.
Now I have given you that which you are supposed to hunt.
Know that the one who gave us strength to walk around, Hawenio, did not intend that any living creature should serve another as a slave.
Go from this place.”
In two different directions away into the trees slunk the panthers and the boy continued along his way.
Meanwhile, back at the lodge, the two sticks which had been shaking as if struck by a strong wind once more stood still as Hodadenon’s uncle watched them.
The path in front of Hodadenon was very straight and wide. It looked to have been travelled by many feet.
The boy listened very carefully and soon he began to hear a very faint song coming from the treetops.
Crawling forward through the brush, he peered up and saw the one who was singing.
It was the skin of a woman tied in the top of a tree.
This was her song:
Gi-nu, gi-nu, gi-nu
I am the one who sees all,
I see you
The song was very soft.
Hodadenon could barely hear it, but he knew it would grow loud indeed if she caught a glimpse of him.
Below her was a grove of trees.
They were covered with a fruit which had burrs all over it.
These, Hodadenon knew, must be the chestnuts.
Beyond the skin woman and the trees was a great pile of human bones and just to the other side of them was the long lodge of the seven witches.
“Tcu,” said Hodadenon, “now I shall need some help.”
Going to a basswood tree, he peeled a long strip of bark.
With a burned stick and the juice of berries, he decorated the piece of bark until it looked just like a long wampum belt.
Slinging it over his shoulder, he knelt down and tapped four times on the earth.
“My friend,” he said, “I am in need of help.”
Up out of the ground poked the nose and then the head of a female mole.
“Nyoh, Hodadenon! How can I help you?” asked the mole.
“Grandmother,” said the boy, “if I make myself very small, will you carry me under the earth with you?”
“That’s too easy,” said the mole. “Let’s go!”
Then Hodadenon began to rub himself with his hands.
As he did so he grew smaller and smaller until he was small enough to travel with the mole under the earth.
Down into the ground they went, coming up beneath the very tree where the Skin Woman was swaying back and forth.
Once again Hodadenon rubbed himself with his hands until he was back to normal.
Then he called up to Skin Woman.
“Sister,” he called, “I have seen you first.
Do not tell the others I am here and I will give you this fine belt of wampum.”
“Wah-ah!” said Skin Woman, “I did not see you, Hodadenon.
Give me the belt and I will not warn them you are here.”
Hodadenon tossed the belt up to Skin Woman.
She put it on and immediately it wrapped itself so tightly about her she could not speak. Under the tree, Hodadenon quickly filled his pouch with chestnuts.
Then, making himself small once more, he called for his friend, Mole, to take him back under the earth.
Up in the tree, Skin Woman finally got her breath. She began to sing:
Gi-nu, gi-nu, gi-nu
Someone has bribed me
I cannot say who
Out from the long lodge ran the seven witches.
Each of them carried a long club.
They ran to the place where Skin Woman hung, but they saw no one.
“Someone has been here,” said one of the witches.
“Some of our chestnuts are gone,” said another.
“Skin Woman,” said a third witch, “you are our slave.
Speak and tell us who has been here.”
But Skin Woman did not answer the question.
All she did was swing back and forth in the wind, singing this song:
Gi-nu, gi-nu, gi-nu
I’ve been given a wampum belt
Shining and new
“You are a fool,” said another of the witches.
“That is only the bark from a tree.”
“It must have been The Last One Left.” said the fifth witch, “the boy whose uncle stole from us long ago.”
“If he comes back,” said the sixth witch, “we will catch him and kill him.”
“Nyoh,” said the last witch, “now we must punish our slave.”
She took her club and struck Skin Woman a heavy blow.
Each of the others did the same.
Then the seven witches went back into the long lodge, leaving the Skin Woman covered with bruises, but still singing softly of her fine new belt of wampum.
Meanwhile, back in the lodge of Hodadenon’s uncle, the two sticks had fallen over on the floor.
Picking them up and standing them upright once more, the old man watched them with great concern.
From his hiding place in the earth, Hodadenon had listened to all that was said by the seven sisters. “It is not right,” he said “that those terrible creatures should go on like this.
Friend Mole, we must go back there.”
The mole dove deeper into the earth.
She carried Hodadenon under the long lodge and came up beneath the couch where the sisters slept.
There, tied to a string of sinew, were seven hearts.
Quick as a spark leaping from the fire, Hodadenon grabbed the string of hearts and ran from the lodge.
Seeing him, the seven witches grabbed their clubs and gave chase.
Now back in the lodge of Hodadenon’s uncle the two sticks fell over once more.
The old man was so disheartened that he did not stand them up again.
He lay there staring at them, certain that his nephew would now never return alive.
From the top of her tree, Skin Woman sang as the seven witches chased Hodadenon:
Gi-nu, gi-nu, gi-nu
Hodadenon has your hearts
This will be the end of you
Now the first witch had almost caught up with the boy and raised her club to strike him.
As she did so, Hodadenon squeezed one of the hearts on the sinew string and the witch fell dead.
Now the second witch was about to strike.
Again Hodadenon squeezed a heart and the second witch died also.
In the end, he had squeezed all seven of the hearts and all seven of the evil sisters had fallen dead.
Climbing to the top of the tree, Hodadenon cut loose the cords which held Skin Woman.
He brought her down and placed her on top of the pile of human bones.
Then he began to push against a great dead hickory tree which was near the pile.
“Get yourselves up, my relatives!” he shouted. “A tree is about to fall on you!”
Immediately Skin Woman and all of the people whose bones were piled there leaped up and came back to life.
Skin Woman was, indeed, the sister of Hodadenon.
Long ago the evil witches had caught her and the others of his family whose bones lay in that pile.
There before him were his parents, his brothers, and all his relations.
All were very happy to be alive and thanked the boy again and again.
Taking the chestnuts from the ground, Hodadenon passed them out to all his relatives.
“Plant these all over,” he said. “Food will be shared with everyone from now on.”
Finally, his pouch filled with chestnuts, Hodadenon went back to the lodge of his uncle.
The old man lay there on his couch, thin as a skeleton, his eyes fixed on the two tied sticks.
“Uncle,” said Hodadenon, “I have returned.”
The old man jumped up and embraced the nephew.
To this day he still sits in that lodge, making chestnut pudding in his pot.
And from that time on, the chestnuts, like all the other good things given to us by Hawenio, our Creator, no longer belong to just one family, no matter how powerful they are, but are shared by all.

It’s been difficult being a meth addict and drug dealer that didn’t want to get sober at all or stop selling for the last 8 years. Then I lost who I was once the Alcohol and Fentanyl took over.
Eventually, The passing of my wife, the suicide attempts, the violence and hardcore alcoholism to Fentanyl. Being evicted, hated waking up every morning and dope sick everyday. Whole paychecks on drugs. Being homeless wandering the streets trying to steal copper from light poles. Losing jobs after 3 days because I would be sick and couldn’t finish my shift. Realizing my family was mourning me while I was still alive. My rock bottom.
January 27th 2024
My life changed when I found AA. I had just gotten out of Detox 1st time visiting. Left a day early and then the withdrawal symptoms creeped in later that evening. My first meeting I was going through it. I stuck it out and continued going to meetings. I didn’t sleep much or if at all for 3 weeks. Not sure how I did that still.
Lately I struggle every morning to wake up or motivate my dopamine deprived brain. Difficult to navigate life when the reward system up there is fighting against me. My character defects had sometime to develop and hardwire into my personality and subconscious. I would say the things I find most difficult is keeping up with my laundry, thinking too much and negative self talk. Pity party’s that my inner dialogue invite me too..
Simple program? I can make it more difficult.
Having willingness along with rigorous honesty.
Holding myself accountable and having the courage to change certain things about myself helps me. Helping others caring about people. I used to care I thought but I always had an agenda driving that ounce of give a fuck.
Here in the right now that is gone I can love from the heart which I am grateful for. I can now look at my day at night and take a personal inventory of what I could’ve done better. I find that I’m always the problem no matter what anyone does. If I’m angry or upset I think about If I have been self seeking, dishonest and inconsiderate.
How it’s going, I’m onto my second Sponsor. Started going through the Big Book. Planning to go through the Steps again. Got myself into College and I work with one of my fellows. My license was reinstated and I’ve been able to hang my bicycle up finally after 8 years. I am able to pay my bills now and make money legally. My family feels whole again. I have a home group and a service position. I reach out I have grown to love strangers. I have found a higher power of my own understanding. I get to be a Father to my 11yr old son. Admitting the deepest darkest secrets of my past. Being willing to make amends for the harms done. I still struggle every step of the way. I have tools and know that there’s a way better alternative to active addiction. For all of this I’m filled with gratitude today.

I've just come out of an 8+ year long friendship with a pwBPD and wow, this subreddit has been clarifying. For context said person has been homeless on and off for 3 years - he got kicked out of his family home, moved in with his boyfriend, got kicked out after a year or so, moved back home, then in October he got kicked out again which is when I took him in and let him sleep on my couch. I didn't even think twice about it, he had nowhere else to go and we'd been good friends for so long.
I will spare the details but we had an argument about a month ago. I definitely snapped, after 6 months of him bumming around not helping with the housework, not looking for work, blaming every little problem on him being homeless, and rotting on the couch getting stoned, I was done giving him leeway.
The jist of it is, I needed a break from living with him and his two flying monkeys, so I went to stay at my mam's for a night. But! I left the toilet clogged (genuinely just forgot, I had been dealing with it the night before and needed to go out to buy things to fix it, then some petty fight happened between me and him which was what made me decide to go stay with my mam for a night. My bad, but I told him I would fix it once I got home and that he could use the ensuite in my flatmates' room until then. Not ideal, but shit happens (literally!).) He lost his shit, saying this was "typical" (it wasn't, this had never happened before) and so I was just at the end of my rope. I told him to get a grip and that this has never been an issue before in the 6 months I'd been kindly sharing my bathroom with him. This was on Saturday afternoon.
That was too much for him, and then within 3 days he'd left and took his monkeys with him. I left them to clear out, my landlord texted me telling me they were gonna be out by the end of the week so I just let them do that while I stayed at my mam's. He bombarded me with vicious texts, I realised things could get unsafe so I went back on Monday to collect my cat and checked her into a cat hotel. When I did that I found a note pinned to my bedroom wall detailing all the ways in which I'm a shitty cat owner and friend. Apparently he's been running his mouth about me on twitter, has a pinned tweet in which he's namedropping me and badmouthing me, and has posted a private discord message I sent him that was taken out of context.
He has everyone fooled. My exflatmate's gf had an Xbox we all used for Youtube in the living room, I left my account logged in and one night she deleted all of my subscriptions, watch history, etc. Real petty shit.
I'm glad to be rid of all of them. I know the love I deserve, I have incredible friends and family and a wonderful partner. If anything this has given me more motivation to work on my own mental health recovery - I have cPTSD (ontop of auDHD, fun and games /s) and have made incredible strides over the past year, I still have my moments but I realised that I don't want to be like him. At all. So truly, this is the best thing that could've happened.
Thanks for giving me a space to share this 🫶

I have installed SharePoint 2013 Foundation single instance and I can log in via local username "Administrator".
However, this uses NTLM. Since in future, I would like Sharepoint to be behind an apache reverse proxy, I can't use NTLM. I want to change to HTTP Basic Auth (*).
In IIS, under the Site "Sharepoint - 80", "Authentication", I removed NTLM as a provider from "Windows Authentication". I also enabled "Basic Authentication" and restarted IIS.
While I can still log in with "Administrator" I am not getting "Sorry, this site hasn't been shared with you."
I am sure there is something else I need to do. But what?
(*) First off, this is a playground setup, so not (yet) concerned about security. I also know that credentials for HTTP Basic Auth are in clear text. This is definitely no issue because the reverse proxy only accepts HTTPS and the connection to SharePoint is secure and private (virtual network on same host).

I really like the look of the Black Nebula Heavy Blaster, Nico's blaster from the Return trailer, but I'm not a fan of the holographic display that pops out when you draw the weapon. The only other blasters that share the same model that I could find both belong to companions, Theron's blasters and QO-77's blasters (the droid from the CM). With TOR Fashion gone and Swtorista's weapons page not well optimized, I'm not sure where to look to find alternatives, and recommendations on item databases would also be much appreciated.

I'm (41m) currently sitting here wide awake at 3am, with less than 4 hours to go before work thinking about what I found on Facebook.
This might get long but...
Before all this I found tonight, several months back my wife was getting super pushy to see a band that had a player that was local to us. At first I didn't think anything of it, but she wanted to go see them. Ok cool, except I hate going to the city and wants really interested. But I went anyway because my wife wanted to go.
Anyway, fast forward to tonight and I'm scrolling Facebook and I see a react from my wife on a old high school friends post. Normally I wouldn't think anything of it, but I don't typically see this. She doesn't get on Facebook often so when she does, it's genuinely noticeable. So I dug a bit deeper and saw you commented on his post. Again, odd. Nothing bad, just commenting to a general discussion towards him. But because of her infrequency, it stood out again. So I began looking from my account side and only found comments/likes to his posts that seemingly were proactive.
To be clear, this dude is ripped. Used to be a scrawny dude in school but now he's not only jacked, but has 0 body fat which I could only imagine people on TRT/Steroids could do... Also he's out of state so there's no way they could have been physical
So of course, jealousy kicked in and I needed to know more. Well, she doesn't hide passwords from me and I figured, there's smoke here, so I better go investigate. Sure enough he contacted her late one night and they sort of started chatting about old times and school. However, I saw some comments that broke my heart. I don't remember the specifics, but she definitely made a comment about his looks and how he probably uses it to his advantage at his job.
He at one point later admitted to a crush back in the day, seemingly out of place in the Convo. The Convo continued on with each sharing kid photos. Then eventually a very emoji heavy goodnight. Again nothing sexual, but seemed flirtatious to me...
This was the only Convo she had but I noticed she actively searched him tonight, after seeing her reply to a post (about a pet bunny) at around midnight tonight.
It doesn't appear to have gone super far but I'm worried it may go there...
As I sit here, pondering what Im doing... Clearly tired... Waiting anxiously to see how she responds my text I sent about "us needing to talk"... Am I the asshole for doing any of this? Weve been together forever and I would hate to lose her if it's something we can work out and discuss..
She has no cheating history. Actually I have... We've worked through some tough things. I feel I've gotten better but I fear things may be sliding away from me here...

Acha to im on a detox and really want to go outdoor to kill boredom but im not sure where to go and do what. Most of the time koi kam hota h or kuch khanay ka mood hota h but today i need some suggestion from you guys because i got nothing.
Any suggestion like koi exceptionally good restaurent or new/good/peaceful park or location or some event type of things jese aksar frier hall per hoti antique car showcase event or bookstall wagera, ya koi aesi market ya shop jahan se kuch antique cheez mil jaye jese ke old school antique lighter. Just to kill some hours any suggestion koi bi ho appreciated. Im probably leaving in afternoon and i live in karachi.

I started off with a cPTSD (unofficial) diagnosis. I tend to sway more on the anxiety side, but I definitely struggle with depressive episodes. I just recently started considering that I may have ADHD and I have long wondered if I was autistic (struggle with truth, lying and justice in general, amongst other things...) Except I have always considered myself a conversational wizard who's very talented at reading people's body language/facial expressions (learned it was hyper vigilance from my CPTSD) & very recently learned about masking, which makes so much sense! Especially growing up my mother would scream at us if we exhibited any stimming behavior. I ended up with a tic (that I copied from her, ironically) which is picking at my scalp and cuticles, but luckily (for her?) They were not that noticeable or stigmatized as foot jiggling or body rocking. Long story short, I found this sub by coincidence and took the detailed questionnaires (CAT-Q: 110, MASKING: 38, ASSIMILATION: 34) and I'm wondering if I should find a psychiatrist willing to help me with that, as they seem to be more difficult to diagnose high masking individuals (specifically women, at least from what I've read so far).
My concern with medication (and getting over my own bias) is habit forming and dependence and meds that could mess me up even more and beyond repair. I'm also afraid stimulant ADHD (I scored 1850 on the ADDA questionnaire), would exacerbate my anxiety and/or also lead to habit forming/dependence.
Can you share the name(s) of meds & therapies that worked for you, if you can relate at all to my post?
Edit: I forgot to mention that I have been struggling with burnout for the past few years (since before the pandemic) due to a few professional and personal failures and heartbreaks, that I don't seem to recover from. After learning about my cPTSD I just assumed it was because of that, but reading a lot of posts on burnout on this sub, it seems to make more sense to me that it could be AUDHD related (in addition to cPTSD, if that makes sense).

When my now partner and I started talking, we messaged each other all day everyday. It was intense and we opened up to each other about a lot of things.
This is something I’m used to and I was expecting it to continue since all of my past relationships tend to be volatile. A lot love bombing and then withdrawing and codependency.
Currently, my partner and I have moved past the infatuation stage. We’re not messaging each other every second. We update each other throughout the day but we live independent lives.
I’ve felt a little bit taken aback by how chill everything is. It’s so chill that I’ve been feeling kind of ignored lately and my partner insist they’re not ignoring me and they’re not bored at all and feel very happy with everything.
They told me that I’m just used to toxic relationships full of drama and it’s not healthy to constantly be messaging.
I think maybe they’re right. Idk what a healthy relationship looks like. I’m not sure what the difference is between someone losing interest and someone who is stable and doesn’t need constant attention.
Also, I want to know everything they’re doing. I’m constantly resisting the urge to make sure they still like me because I’m afraid of being abandoned.
I feel like my current relationship is bringing out all these insecurities I have. I’m used to someone needing me and me needing them. And if I’m not needed then I feel like they don’t care about me.
Am I just messed up?

Hi all, doing well I hope! I had a quick question on self-driving in Goa - it seems options are very limited and IRL friends + Reddit friends have expressed concern over their experiences (with quality of the cars, attitude of the team at the rental place, having to go pick the car up, etc). Have you all faced similar negative experiences? If not, please please share any details on how I can make sure we're safe and have fun! Thank you loads!!

My LO and I are both in committed relationships.
I'm pretty sure its reciprocated but of course its limerence so it's... uncertain. It makes things worse honestly.YAY LIMERENCE!!!
Basically, the main reason I couldn't fully believe in the reciprocation is because I'm overweight, and believe that nobody could possibly be into me because of that.
However...

• my coworkers thought he was into me (he used to come into my work all the time before I left that job)
• he seeks me out
• he always makes time for me and shifts things around just to hang with me
• he thinks about me, messages me to tell me his misses me, remembers important events, messages me randomly just to tell me to have a nice day
• he goes out of his way to create conditions for us to hang out together
• we talk about totally different subjects when we are alone vs with others. He mentions women he's been with, had crushes on, sexual experiences, etc.
• The feeling you get when you're falling in love with someone... walking together, laughing, enjoying every moment. We both experienced that.
• He keeps choosing my favourite songs to sing which makes me want to put my head through a wall but its very nice
• The other day I saw him put in a password that was 99% likely to be a reference to me. Its way too specific so I can't explain here but it blew my mind when I saw it.

However!!!
We both make sure to keep safe distance from each other at all times.
We are careful not to cross any boundaries in that way. And both very respectful of each others partner.
Is this limerence, insanity, or what??? He has become one of my best friends and I don't want to lose him. But I am not having a good time with all this.
Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

As the title states this happened this morning, for context i’m in my first year of college and live with my parents atm. My mom usually wakes me up for college as i sleep through my alarms. So as per usual i hear my mom knock on my door and tell me to wake up, i don’t think twice about it and start to get up. Every morning i usually check my phone to see the time (making sure i have enough time to get ready) and i notice that is 00:04 am. I am prone to night terrors and hallucinations but this felt completely different and far too real.
i am also no stranger to odd happenings, as things in my room tend to fall/launch themselves even when i’m not moving. I’m also aware there is some doppelgänger following me (that’s a story for another day).
i am very superstitious however i don’t know what to make of this.