The more I hear it the more I feel like it might make sense. And as we know, Kendrick loves doing verses from the POV of someone else. Here are my thoughts bar-by-bar:
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Off-white Sunseeker at the marina, Fuck a Phantom, I like to buy yachts when I get the fever
It’s rare for Kendrick to boast this directly about living a lluxurious lifestyle. Drake, on the other hand, loves doing just that. Furthermore, these lines hint at the photo Drake took of a 14-year old Millie Bobbie Brown on a yacht in an Australian marina. If this angle is granted, then “the fever” not only means an intense urge to buy things, but also an intense urge to…well, you know.
The lines “off-white sunseeker” further testify to it being from Drake’s POV, as he is a mixed (off-white) clout chaser seeking fame (sunseeker). It is also is another witty jab at his phony “blackness” since people seek the sun to tan / temporarily become darker.

Wine cooler spill on my white t-shirt, the sightseer
Drake has repeatedly talked / rapped about how much he loves sweet / fruity drinks (plus, his nickname, Champagne Papi, is based on wine). “Sightseer” is a reference to two things: the way Drake vacations to fancy getaways, and the way Drake treats music / culture like a tourist, visiting trendy scenes, styles, and sounds to “sightsee” and borrow what he needs to stay relevant.

Trifecta: money, morals, and culture, that's my leisure
At first this line seems like it must be from Kendrick’s POV, but the word to hone in on is “leisure.” Unlike Kendrick, Drake treats these topics with very little seriousness—he’s a temporary visitor, coming and going at his leisure. And as Kendrick explicitly points out on his other disses, Drake is bad with money, morally corrupt, and a top-tier culture vulture.

My visa, passport tatted, I show up in Ibiza
This line makes more sense if it’s coming from Drake’s POV. Ibiza is a well-known Spanish island where the rich and famous love to party / vacation. Drake has been spotted there multiples times, and is generally known to travel to a lot of other luxurious party spots (such as the Turks just the other day, which Kendrick mentions in MTG).

Lucalis dwellings in Brooklyn just to book me some pizza
This further emphasizes how Drake acts as “sightseer” of cultures by biting (wink-wink) styles from whatever is trending. The verb “book” is key here since it’s most commonly used in reference to booking a flight or vacation. It feels a bit odd to say someone would “book” some pizza. And, for what it’s worth, Drake has been spotted at this exact establishment.

Who could reach us? Only God could teleport this type of freedom
Lastly, Kendrick is implying that Drake feels untouchable, like someone chosen by God to reign over everyone and do whatever the hell he wants. But as we see in the following line, Kendrick’s POV kicks in as his voice changes and he appeals to God in a prayer about going to war with Drake.
Also a potential "God's Plan" reference.
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These are just some random thoughts. I think it would explain the structure of the song better than Kendrick bragging upfront about a luxurious lifestyle, which inherently feels a bit off brand for him anyways, especially in the middle of beefing with a guy who’s obsessed with those things. It would also make the lines later in the song about the OVO moles more thematically relevant if Kendrick is looking "through Drake’s eyes” to start the song.
Either way, 6:16 in LA is a phenomenal track, and one that I think will get more and more attention as time goes on.

Written 5/8/2024- updates attached below

I tried posting this on kendrick almost a week ago and it got no response, I messaged the mods to ask about Karma restrictions or account age requirements and they never replied. I made a new account and it was the same issue, but I found out last night I wasn’t fully banned, so I figured I’d throw it up and see if anyone finds it valuable. It’s written for people who have no prior knowledge of the rap game/music business. I don’t have to go as hard on obscuring names this time. One of the influencers I mentioned in my last post is known for doxxing and threatening violence against people who mention the many contradictions in their stories. (Sorry for any typos/mistakes I want to go to bed.)
Origins
I believe the current Drake and Kendrick Lamar beef is either completely or partially fabricated by certain industry leaders or the parties involved in an effort to distract from something bigger going down behind the scenes. If you were an influential label owner facing major accusations, and you needed to deflect media attention from yourself, recreating one of the most defining moments in rap history during the social media era would be a way to do it. It also wouldn’t hurt that two of the biggest rappers in the world were already sending shots at each other in their music for years prior. The public consensus is they are simply two famous rappers who hate each other and fighting over the spot for the top like in the 90’s. Only people who were directly involved could paint a more cohesive picture of the whole story. Even when all the cards drop, there is a good chance the average person won’t be able to find direct sources on their own and will continue to support their favorite artists and dismiss any evidence of their crimes like the drizzy subreddit or Ak fans.

As I said the beef between Kendrick and Drake has been brewing in the background for years, with both rappers sending shots and sneak dissing each other over the course of at least 8 years. The most agreed upon origin story is the first diss was the 2016 Big Sean and Kendrick collaboration, “Control,” and Drake responded with, “The Language”. Things stayed relatively lighthearted for a while and both were intentionally vague for many years. Before I go deep into the Kendrick and Drake stuff, it’s really important to examine some of Drake’s prior beefs because they add a ton of context to my theory. In my opinion Kendrick and Co. started scheming all of this some time around Mid 2020-Mid 2022, well after the whole Pusha T beef had transitioned into the Kanye beef.

What exactly started the beef is debatable, but at the time many attributed it to rumors of Drake pursuing Ye’s ex Amber Rose. Unfortunately the timeline isn’t 100 percent clear, and if I included every detail this would be at least 200+ pages so I’ll stick with the important stuff. The ultimate outcome of the Pusha T battle in 2018 was the revelation of Drake’s son Adidon that he had previously been hiding from the world along with getting Ye directly involved in the beef.

Here are some more examples of Drake antagonizing Ye and of him trying to use women as pawns to get material for his diss tracks. The Drake line, “Yeah, I probably go link to Yeezy, I need me some Jesus, but as soon as I start confessin' my sins, he wouldn't believe us," could be a reference to sleeping with Kim Kardashian, trying to double down on his threats to harm him or his family, or it could be a double entendre. Another example is using the name Kiki in another song, which was apparently one of Kim’s nicknames. Some other possible examples include the theories he may have tried the same thing with Kendrick’s wife Whitney around 2020-2021 in an attempt to use as ammo against Kendrick, which I’ll go into later. I don’t listen to much of either artist's music, but there are probably many of other examples in Drake’s catalogue that I’m leaving out. There is also his song Omerta released in 2019, which I'll go into below.

“Your baby mother call me when she lonely My tailor see me twice a week, he like my homie Forever grateful, forever thankful Diamond necklace, but she wears it on her ankle”

(Probably referring to Kim Kardashian since she had a few pictures with her wearing diamond ankle bracelets and was trying to make it into a trend.

“I plan to buy your most personal belongings when they up for auction”

(There were various rumors floating around for a while that Drake was blackmailing Ye with something and he was fighting to keep it from the public. I thought about it and this line might be referencing a sex tape with Kim or her little sister who me was very touch before she turned 18. In 2022 there was a whole storyline on Kim’s show where Ye flies to LA to prevent her second sex tape from being released.)

West Hollywood, know my presence is menacing
Cosa Nostra, shady dealings
Racketeering, the syndicate got they hand in plenty things The things that we've done to protect the name are unsettling But no regrets, though, the name'll echo Years later, none greater
Death to a coward and a traitor, that's just in my nature, yeah
(Drake and Ye both frequented the Delilah Nightclub located in West Hollywood and lived closeby on the same street for a while.)
"I don't carry cash 'cause the money is digital
It's the American Expresser, the debt collector"

(Sounds a lot more like it could be crypto to launder or send large amounts of ill gotten gains. It started becoming mainstream around them)

"Last year, niggas really feel like they rode on me
Last year, niggas got hot 'cause they told on me
I'm 'bout to call the bluff of anybody the fold on me"

These lines stood out because they could be referring to Ye telling the public about Drake's alleged threats a couple months before the songs release. This happened not long after the release of Sicko mode which was towards the end of 2018 as well. Ye was discussing the incident on Twitter and reached out to Drake and Travis to talk to him in private. In the next set of tweets Kanye publicly accused Drake of threatening him and his family in a major way. Surprisingly Ye seemed genuinely scared and amongst his, “crazy rants,” some of the stuff he said makes a ton of sense in hindsight. This also the beginning of his second serious public struggles with Bipolar disorder after being committed in 2016 shortly after an on stage rant where he calls out Jay Z for selling out and says he's afraid he might kill him.. As someone who shares the same diagnosis, I have a pretty good understanding of mania and psychosis and firmly believe that it's important not to write people off right away due to their mental illness. Some of my most thoughtful, creative, and productive periods were inspired by mania. Industry bigwigs have also been using mental illness to discredit influential black celebrities and visionaries going back decades, but it really picked up in the 80’s.

Dave Chappelle has gone into this a lot in the past and claims he experienced something similar before he quit show business and dipped to Africa. Their stories have a lot of interesting parallels if you’re familiar or curious. I remember he actually visited Ye at his house in Wyoming after he was reported to have had a, "mental breakdown," during his presidential run in 2020 thus marking his third breakown in six years.. The reason I put it in quotes is because it happened right after he publicly accused Kim of cheating and delivered his legendary speech on abortion. Dave went as far as going on live tv and telling the public he wasn’t crazy, he was just really struggling because he was the only one at the time fighting against the narrative, which can often be a suicide mission or a ticket to obscurity. These are three examples of someone speaking up and being deemed crazy, two years later came the nazi stuff and I'm sure we'll have plenty in store for 2024.

This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the very common pattern of artists dying or having their careers destroyed either after they try to leave their label or threaten to reveal industry secrets. A few more interesting industry connections I made in my research include the connections between:

T.U.G. records and J Cole's independent label Dreamville are both managed by Interscope Records, whose parent company is Universal Music Group.

Universal Music Group also hac Drake's label OvO label as well as Ye and Kendrick's old labels on their roster before they left to form their own independent labels in 2022 (around the same time the disses between Kendrick and Drake started escalating). Finally Bad Boy Records, which is owned by Diddy, and Motown Records who own Diddy's other R&B label Love Records, are also both owned by Universal. This means every label I mention is currently or was previously owned by Universal Music Group.

Ye tried for years to get out of his contract with Defjam, which happens to be ran by Jay Z who is known to be a close associate of Diddy. Jay would always used his money and power to fight against it. Ye even spoke out publicly on a few occasions, including when he said Jay Z was trying to kill him during one of his concerts. My theory is after years of getting nowhere and having his reputation skewered, in 2022 Ye finally said, "Fuck it," and dropped all the anti- Semetic stuff intentionally in a successful attempt to force his label to into using their morality clause, which requires labels to drop an artist if they're accused of any major controversy that could hurt the label’s profits. For the fourth time in four years the media reported he was having a breakdown. Even though they tried to punish him by cutting off all of his sources of income and freezing his accounts he still managed to bounce back pretty quickly. It was often reported how much he was losing, but it rarely discussed how he still was filthy rich in spite of the retrictions. His label wanted to discourage other artists from trying the same thing. My theory is he might have bought Kim or Kylie's alleged sex tape and used it for his own leverage. For Kendrick, his transition to his independent label ApLang went a lot smoother, but he had to split ownership of his new label with the previous manager owner Dave Free. Sadly it's still difficult for new or more niche artists to establish themselves without the some help.

He may be a lot of things but Ye isn’t dumb just because he has a mood disorder and the guys at the top know this, which is why I think he has really played up his diagnosis when it benefitted him. He’s still one of the most talented musicians in the game and I really think he sees his bipolar like a superpower as he says. It’s like his own invisibility cloak. He can go off his meds for a little, make an album after staying up for 72 hours, go on a “psychotic” twitter rant dropping facts throughout, then start up again once he makes enough news headlines. I think it’s worth noting the first divorce rumors in 2020 coincided with Ye’s abortion speech during his presidential run and the cheating accusations. that led to him dropping out and moving to Wyoming, and a couple months ago in February 2024 he was committed again.

The point I’m making is bipolar is complex, but pretty manageable especially if you have a ton of money to find meds that work for you and a good doctor and can keep substance abuse and stress at a manageable level. I think Ye is smart enough to know this, but it’s just safer for him to really play up the mental issues in the media. He’s proven he can literally say whatever he wants after getting cancelled and the average person is just going to write it off as psycho babble. While bias in health care is a sad fact of society, if you can use it to your advantage I say go for it. It might’ve just kept the microscope off of him long enough to plan his attack.

Ye v. Drake: Quotes of 2018
(Start of the beef, drake threats, and suspicion towards Kardashian family. )

“ It’s not about rap. It’s about family. We have to be close as a family and never let these people infiltrate just for radio spins”

“We need to show the world that people can talk without people ending up dead or in jail.”

”This is a man speaking to a man that has been placed in the program to fuck with Kanye West head and set me up“

”See when you care about your family you don’t let no man push you to do nothing that could risk your freedom“

These first four tweets by Ye were all in reference to perceived threats made by Drake after their beef escalated circa 2018. He began speaking on the industry and talking more about his psych hospital commitment two years prior and how he thought they were going to kill him. It's pretty obvious how the whole thing was planned by the sketchy doctor who called it in and his physical trainer who has a ton of connections to weird shit involving his celebrity clients.

I found interesting that Ye might not have been the first major league rapper whose life Drake threatened. During a similar period of mental illness the up and coming rapper XXXtentacion accused Drake of stealing his flow and dissed him a few times. Not long after he made a post online saying if he dies, it was Drake who did it. There are tons of conspiracies online, but none of the evidence is strong enough to draw a definitive connection. Also while it maybe be coincidental, Kendrick’s latest album Mr Morale also painted the picture that Kendrick was dealing with some serious personal issues. Some lines throughout the album may have been used to bait Drake into escalating, but it wasn’t until The Weekend, Future, and Metro Booming dropped, “We Don’t Trust You,” then Drake and J. Cole dropped, “First Person Shooter,” which was followed a couple days later with, “Like That,” where Kendrick started the chain of events that has led us to today.

Kanye vs. Drake: Quotes of 2020

Summary: Ye runs for president and gets suppressed for saying what very well could be the truth and was immediately deemed insane by the media. Kim did a couple interviews and everything he said was immediatly false. There is almost guarenteed to be some sketchy shit going down revolving her and her family. Ye was absolutely terrified of her keeping the kids away from him and it seems like there are still efforts being made to this day to paint a certain image of him for ulterior motives.

Below are six more quotes from a fan taking a deep dive into his 2020 tweets courtesy of u/ thehatstore42069 on Yeezy
”NORTHY I AM GOING TO WAR AND PUTTING MY LIFE ON THE LINE AND IF I AM MURDERED DON’T EVER LET WHITE MEDIA TELL YOU I WASNT A GOOD MAN,” West, 43, wrote in the tweet, adding, “WHEN PEOPLE THREATEN TO TAKE YOU OUT OF MY LIFE JUST KNOW I LOVE YOU”

"I need a public apology from J Cole and Drake to start with immediately... I'm Nat Turner... I'm fighting for us."

"the utmost respect for all brothers" and said "we need to link and respect each other... no more dissing each other on labels we don't own"

"Ye is constantly trying to tell people that his family does not have his or his kids best interests at heart. He goes on to list others, linking them together with the thinking emoji. These people include rap artist Drake and Larsa Pippen, wife of Scottie Pippe. Kim K is goddaughter to Pippen's daughter, showing how close the families actually are. All of these families that associate with Ye through Kardashian connections, as well as Drake, have been accused of the same thing Kris has. EVERY SINGLE ONE of these people have mixed race children that are groomed from a young age to fuck around with celebrities so the parents can remain famous. Drake on numerous occasions has been accused of grooming girls and then getting handsy on their 18th birthday.”

“These labels want their artists to make them money and they dont care about anything else. When Kanye says things like this in an attempt to expose him, the first thing they wanna do is drug him up and put him back in the studio.”
“Righteous indignation is typically a reactive emotion of anger over mistreatment, insult, or malice of another. It is akin to what is called the sense of injustice. This is how they keep the black man down. Keep people outraged about trivial things and distract them from the real issues in the world. The real problems in the industry. If you tell people enough times that they are unequal or discriminated against they start to believe it. Drug them when they step out of line and toss them aside when the checks run out. Ye is realizing he is pawn in a bigger game, and now that he has all these roots in the game such as Yeezy or the Gap or his music, too many people cant risk (Afford) a Ye who speaks his mind.”
(End of quotes)

Amongst the twitter rant, Ye warned about the predatory nature of record deals and discussed trying to get out of his own deal, and said again how his life may be in danger if it wasn’t already and was doing anything he could to protect his kids. The most fascinating part to me though is the public call to arms he made to Drake, J Cole, and Kendrick on twitter. After inviting them to all link up, he said, “It’s time to get free, we will not argue amongst each other while some guy we don’t know in Europe is getting paid and putting that money in a hedge fund.” I believe if Ye was able to pull off this meeting, there is an ever so slight chance that all four artists might be working together to take down a greater enemy. Weirdly there have been times throughout the last couple years where these supposed enemies were photographed together being friendly or praise each other in interviews, then out of no where the disses would start flying again.

To wrap things up I want to share my a few of my theories about the Drake/Kanye beef

A. Everything is exactly as it seems and the beef is over. Ye let his mental illness ruin his life and career so Drake simply picked another target after Ye stopped putting out disses. All of these connections are just a coincidence and all of this was choreographed to boost Drake and Kendrick’s music sales and possibly distract people from the Diddy trial and possibly the complicated geopolitical issues currently facing the U.S.

C. There is also the possibility that all four rappers are in cahoots and Drake’s dirt isn’t as extreme as people are theorizing, at least in comparison to the rest of the business. This could explain why everything has played out like a movie and how they were able to predict each other’s moves so well. This could either mean they’re all just trying to boost their sales or they’re all trying to take down the “slave masters,” as Ye calls them, and change the dynamic of the music industry in favor of the artist.

D. They may be trying to help their friends in the industry who are being abused or in shitty contracts. I know a lot of famous rappers have done a lot of collaborations with Jhene Aiko and Anderson Paak, who were both signed to T.U.G. records which I mentioned above in the connections to Universal Music Group. Considering they are both frequent collaborators with all of the artists involved on both sides, it’s not unlikely they may have played some part in influencing the takedown.

T.U.G was started by Chris Stokes with his partner Ketrina Askew. Back in the early to mid 90’s were gaining popularity attracting lots of young up and coming talent. They often collaborated with Diddy and his associates. In the 2000’s Raz B from the boy band B2K claimed he was molested by Stokes and his friend Marques Houston, then quickly retracted his claims. Years later he came forward again and said we was bribed into silence and that the rest of the victims were bribed with hush money and had another singer corroborate his story and they came forward together to level the accusations. After some of his former B2K members made fun of him for his claims and accused it of being a shakedown, Raz B revealed Stokes and Houston had preyed a lot of the children associated with the label including at least one of the former bandmates and paid them off.

I thought it was worth noting that the second whistleblower named Quindon Tarver died young in a car crash after mentioning his abuse again a few years prior. He seems to have left the industry not long after the incidents occurred and has few credits to his name. To this day Raz B is still trying to get his justice, while Stokes and his partner Askew, who was also involved in the abuse are still running the label to this day. Askew also has a ton of lawsuits, accusing her of using shady tactics to try to foreclose on houses. (Don’t quote me if a lawyer wants to take a look just google her full name), and has been tied to a ton of LLCs, similar to Drake. This is a good example of a shitty record deal, but I'm sure they have countless other friends in the industry who have even worse. While they were never convicted even Chris Stokes' wife confirmed it to be true.

E. The theory I personally think fits the narrative best and is the most realistic conspiracy is that Kendrick and possibly J. Cole went to the meeting, but not Drake due to his close relationship with Lucian Grange, the president of Drake’s label. Silence often speaks louder than words and this could explain why Kendrick was so ruthless and put so much effort into finding dirt on Drake. Ye, Cole, and Kendrick co-writing would be like the rap allstar team and if J. Cole wasn’t involved, it would also answer the question of whether or not he baited Drake into the battle by asking him to feature. I don’t think Drake is really their primary target though, which would explain letting him off easy. Compared to his bosses and their bosses he’s a small fish. If you take the big guys down you stand a better chance of landing a bigger blow on their operation.

Another really interesting connection is Kendrick and Ye were both signed under Universal Music Group and they both got out of their deals around couple months apart in 2022. As we speak U.M.G’s CEO Lucian Grange, who is often acccused of giving Drake special treatment, is facing charges related to sex trafficking by no other than P Diddy. This could very well explain the timing of it all. The craziest timeline would be Diddy masterminding all of this and using his connections to get it done and all the allegations are bullshit. The guy does seem pretty confident all things considered and constantly posts himself in his Batman costume which could mean he’s a vigilante.

It seems like there's a slight religious angle as well. (Ye and Diddy are both very vocal advocates of Christianity and Drake and Lucian Grange are both Jewish.) Obviously this is a reach, but they’ve been saying rap music was specifically promoted by mostly white label owners in the 80’s to help in the ongoing effort to expedite the systematic oppression of those living in black neighborhoods and the destruction of their family systems. Apparently it was an intentional decision to heavily promote rappers that promoted the very things that were destroying their neighborhoods. (So people know I'm and atheist and have zero agenda, I just thought it was interesting, please stay away from anything antisemitic. War is wrong on both sides.)

*** If my favorite theory is true, there is a possibility the Kendrick and Ye are going after Drake due to their mutual disdain for him and because he’s got a ton of power to dominate the charts and hog the radio airtime like Meek Mill and OG Maco claimed years ago. Even him dropping a record the same day as you could really fuck your album sales up. I’m also sure some of the many rumors throughout the years have had a least some truth and he will most likely snitch to avoid cell block one. I think that Drake could have been instructed to instigate this whole mess in order to draw attention away from the UMG charges brought about by Diddy. Or on the other hand it could be that Kendrick, Ye, and possibly Cole, may have had intel that Drake was going to be involved in the Diddy trial and are just gonna let the receipts show themselves. It might not have been the original plan, but they’ve already accomplished their mission of humiliating him, assuring he couldn’t use his influence to slide through the cracks, and taking over the throne.

Please take everything I say with a grain of salt I have no connection to this world or lifestyle. Regardless I believe all of the knowledge above does a pretty solid job at painting a picture of what may have let up to this and what may have been the source.
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More details found the last couple days…

Drake and Diddy Connections+Coincidences

Drake- In the P Diddy wig video from 2016 he talks about going to party with Drake, Cash, and The Weeknd in Toronto. Drake is also one of Birdman’s protégées who is known for being a predator and is rumored to have used label artists to lure young women.

Travis Scott- Interview where he comes out and says Diddy tried to lure him. Still has a long history of associating with him, video of him running from Diddy, his connection to Ruby Rose while underage.

Tim Westwood- Diddy had connections with sex offender Tim Westwood who also inspired the Drake song, “Westwood”. They also both were victims of drive by shootings along with The Weekend and they were all facing some type of allegations.

T.I.- Also has been associate with Diddy through the years, in 2021 his kid died and 11 women can forward at the same time to accuse him and his wife of drugging and assaulting them. Clearly someone wanted to fuck his life up. Possibly due to him getting arrested so many times for wild shit and people wondering how he continued to get away with it shining a light on how powerful industry lawyers are. He also had recently talked about having a gynecologist check to see if his daughter is still a Virgin, which sounds like it could have been an industrty secret. Could have been because he worried about someone trying to take advantage of her to get to him? Regardless that shit is fucking insane.

50 Cent- Has been saying pretty much the same thing as Travis Scott and has trolled Diddy for most of his career. It came out that his wife was a sex worker who was possibly recruited Diddy to help ruin his career. It sort of worked, which raises the question if 50 Cent is the only victim.

Ray J- Him and his sister worked with T.U.G. records when they were very young. Chris Stokes in the nineties who had connections with Diddy. He has been involved in a lot of sex scandals and allegedly may have played a part in Whitney Houston's death. (Which is also allegedly connected to Michael Jackson's death and both were deemed suspicious and happened during their final tours when their masters (song rights), became more valuable than their lives. Sony Records and Tommy Motolla, who also abused Mariah Carey when she was trying to start her career. These are just a few of the alleged examples of labels taking out musicians when they were worth more dead, another is the signing of high risk artists and requiring them to get life insurance so they can profit beyond releasing all their posthumous records. Also the ever so common story of the rising star artist that die at 21 after their first album or two.

He also partied with Diddy in Vegas with along Floyd Mayweather and a bunch of other famous industry people and athletes.

Tory Lanez- Tons of blackmail, also was signed by Interscope under UMG. got sent to prison for ten years after trying to leave his label. Also history of SA and and other allegations of violence towards women.

French Montana- On Diddy's label, close with Rick and Khaled, tons of drug and sexual assault allegations, also dated a Kardashian. Generally grimy.

DJ Khaled- Diddy said he could get anything in Miami, either referring to drugs or women, could explain his connections and lack of any notable talent. (New update, he was one of the first to promote Chris Alvarez’s instagram not long after he turned 18).

Rick Ross- Diddy said some weird shit about him and licked his lips and kissed him at a show. Ross is also signed to Bad Boy under Diddy. He ended up getting involved in the current feud and spamming social media nonstop dissing and threatening Drake.

A lot of the back and forth was both of them threatening to release dirt on each other. One strange coincidence I found was Drake recently trolled Ross about the 20 million dollar renovation to his home on Star island, where Diddy is currently residing. It’s rumored back in the day that P Diddy was caught in a room full of rich guys on ecstasy possibly at the beginning stages of a gay orgy. Drake also mentioned in the same tweets about Rick Ross that Birdman owned a house on the island and asked Rick Ross why he didn’t help him out.

Considering Ross is so sketchy and Drake claims the house isn’t that big, that’s a ridiculous amount of money. He may be covering up evidence, or creating tunnels in his house to escape if shit pops off and Drake might know what’s good. Interestingly enough Ross is very close with French Montana and also signed to Bad. He said his beef was related to something involving French, and Drake’s tweet popped up the same day the info came out concerning the Chris Alvarez stuff.

The famous line from U.O.E.N.O.

Meek Mill- “OG Maco called himself defending his friend Quentin Miller by substantiating the ghostwriting claims and agreeing with Meek. He hit up Twitter saying, "Some of us been knew. Meek just put it in the air. Sucks to have to compete with 6 n****s and get compared to”

Meek mill also had a short beef with Drake, some disses included lines referring to TI’s homie pissing on Drake at the movie theater, which is also interesting considering the current case against him. He also dropped a line saying Diddy almost got a domestic charge when he smacked Drake, which could either be saying that Drake is like a woman, or saying he was Drake’s boyfriend/sugar daddy.
( If you made it to the end comment with the number 8)
I thought it was interesting how the beef just kind of disappeared and even Meek said it didn’t seem genuine. Considering the allegations against Meek in the Diddy trial, and his rumored affair with Kim contributing to ending Kanye’s marriage, Meek Mill definitely did some dirt on him.

“Niggas frauds I told the truth, don't ask me shit
All this industry fake enemy and rap shit”

“Money make a sucker that told look trill again”

One of the many chapters in Drake's history in which he is seen paying his way out of trouble and starting beefs randomly.
“Now when that shit went down with Chris, you wrote a check”
This line is referring to Chris brown beef, another beef that was lost to time. All I can remember off the top was someone throwing a champagne bottle at the other’s entourage.

Ty Dolla $ign- Huge feature artist, close with Ye. Grew up in the industry and talks about growing up on the road and being in the studio with his dad and Rick James who was should have already been in prison for life for dragging, torturing, and S assaulting multiple women and children throughout his career and was himself a victim of the industry. May be part of Ye's motivation, considering their recent close working relationship.
The end.
Courtesy of,
The Randomest Moniker

I first got into BTS a long time ago when RM used “Rap Monster” as his stage name. I insisted on calling him “Nomster” out of all things as a nickname 😭😭😭
It worked these ways: Namjoon + Nom Nom (yum) + reverse the letters MON to get NOM
And then you add “ster” from Rap Monster
To get “Nomster.”
yeah. That was the craziest thing I did as a fetus ARMY. What kind of silly little things did you first do, that you now look back on and cringe and laugh at?

Context

This story fits into my world-building as an example of how people of the tribe at Saàkirlaasiik name one another. It illustrates that names are given by men to one another within their trade groups. Women ask their potential husbands to name them at their binding ceremony. This story illustrates both of those things.
The story is about two characters - 'Rows-in-loud-waters' and 'Hatchling'. They are on a battlefield against a tribe that broke apart from them long ago. Things get rough and a naming ceremony happens in the end. This takes place between the border of Saàkirlaasiik and Saàronit. It takes place in the second age after the Great Sundering.

Spoiler TL;DR

Summary: Rows-in-loud-waters is something of a squad leader to Hatchling. The two of them are in the alligator clan and are waiting for the 'Deceived' to come and fight them. When they finally do, the men fight with one of the Deceived for the majority of the story. This leads to some banter back and forth, but in the end, Hatchling dies. Hatchling tells Rows-in-loud-waters what he would have named his would-be wife if she had asked him to wed her. At the final end, Rows-in-loud-waters gives Hatchling a true proper name.

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What's In A Name

“Stand firm! Men of Nafóótkirriinhaa”, Leans-on-the-spirit, chief of their clan spoke over all present before him. Riding by on a horse, he raised a spear and pranced the line of warriors. “It saddens me that we will shed the blood of our cousins! But they come to steal, pillage, and destroy. Show no mercy, brothers. For, I assure you, the Deceived will not return it.” His dark hair streamed in the air behind him as his steed carried him far down the line of men and out of earshot from him. Men cheered as he galloped by and smacked the flat of their weapons against their chests.
Hide banners whipped as the wind bid them to their will and the trees bent with each gust. Each banner displayed the spirit patron of the clan lined up to do battle. Some tribes gathered hides from the animals that embodied the attributes of their families' skills and nature. Behind him, alligator scales bent against the howling air. They dyed the animal biting its tail with an eye in the middle. A single line split the banner in the middle horizontally, and the eye peered out from the line. It represented the watchful eye of the clan, looking from the lands around Eversun. Sniffing, he smelt the hint of trees mingled mostly with warpaint against his flesh. A drum rang out behind him, then another sounded in the distance echoing it, and further out another did the same. This echoed on for a few more raps. His heart pounded in his chest, but he steeled his face.
The dark brown hair smacked the back of his tanned neck and his dark eyes scanned the woods before him. Across the grassland, they stood like a wall in the distance, dense and ominous. He had fashioned leather armor from the scaled hide of his swamp-dwelling, neighbor beast. He added stone studs to it in places that stuck out. On either side, men stood around him and he glanced out of the corner of his eyes. Younger men stationed themselves on either side of him entirely still and they both wore similar garb.
Each man painted their body with different symbols to display their strength, ferocity, or, in his case, battles fought. He used the black dye they made to draw scales against his skin where it remained exposed to the elements. Each drawn shape represented the number of times that he challenged a Deceived in combat and won. To his right, Paako Saàchalkoorrich Tínafsorlor, whom he lovingly calls Hatchling, dyed his face with ferocious teeth in the hope of scaring his enemies.
Hatchling's eyes widened as a horn sounded in the distance. Lootookcholatnapàrooti placed his hand on the young man's shoulder and smiled. Not showing his teeth, the sparkle in his eyes faded as quickly as it came. Recalling his first battle, the now chief, captained his line then. He hoped he could offer as much hope as the chief did then.
"Hatchling, I understand. This is your first bout with the Deceived. The tales we've weaved of them are terrifying and vicious. I must tell you, those tales are half true, but the half is still terrible" Lootookcholatnapàrooti's eyes trained on the forest head of them across the clearing. Any motion in the trees hid from his view and he sensed it lingered beyond the tree line, in the underbrush.
“Rows-in-loud-waters”, which Lootookcholatnapárooti meant, said Hatchling, “I don’t like the nickname. I am strong and proven in the tests.” Rows-in-loud-waters almost heard the pout on the young warrior's face. Smirking, he gave the young soldier a soft elbow to the ribs. “You’ve fought them enough times. How well do you know their tactics?”
Choosing to ignore the dislike of the nickname and how proven he may or may not be, Rows-in-loud-waters answered, "More than fought them. I engaged the enemy when the sundering happened, those years ago, when the clans had made it across Saàronit and into the valleys of the east. When Kolotatliíchiit revealed himself as the spirit of lies and trickery known to us as Naríhììnanathìnafòò”, chortled Rows-in-loud-waters. His mind rowed back to the day on the ship of his mind through the sea of memories. Every day, the river of life eroded them from his mind and they became less and less tangible.
The young man remained silent but peered from the corner of his sockets with intent. The horn blew again and the wind howled against the dusk sky. Rows-in-loud-waters guarded the lands of the tribe for several years, being an ‘eye in the swamp’. The Deceived envied Eversun and believed it promised to them instead of the men around him now. They fell, though, tainted themselves with the lies of the evil their false god fed them. The land of ever-sun had been promised for believers of the beat-giver, not the nest-stealer.
The horn sounded again, this time a bit closer. Rows-in-loud-waters tensed his hand around the shoulder of the young man again, in an attempt to reassure him. He worried the giant they built in tales to keep children near the settlements, backfired in moments like these. Fear, if unchecked by faith and courage created by faith, ravaged a man and tore through his resolve like the monsters created in stories of the age past and gone. “I have heard the Deceived are industrialized people with forges and explosives.”
"They hold fewer explosives and kilns as they once operated in the realms of Setting-Sun and the Teal Forests. We all practiced forging or so I’m told. The sundering was a quick bout of brother against brother and clan against clan. At the base of the white-ridged mountain, where the Nòònchààrrílììsììnat dwelt, we fought for what seemed like hours. We fought until our muscles ached, until our bones hurt, and until our lungs screamed for relief. In the end, Kolotatliíchiit fell and their usurper king called the retreat", he retold the story, holding on to the ax in his hand, keeping it at the ready in his off-hand. "The spirit of Naríhììnanathìnafòò spread over those who lost their way and inhabited all of them. It spread like sickness and as they fled, it fled with them." He shook his head and removed his hand from the young man's shoulder. "Half the priests left with them, and four of the seven first tribes dictated by Wááchlachtat, the great beat-giver."
Hatchling murmured a short prayer, both, Rows-in-loud-waters thought, in reverence for the name of their god but also the fear his heart currently harbored. "And they come now astride giant wolves, Rows-in-loud-waters and hunt in the dusk to find weaknesses in our resolve and steal into the land of promise. There they hope to kill our king, our clan chiefs, and place themselves at the seat of it all. How many times have they tried?" Fear waivered in the voice of the young man, but he kept his eyes straight ahead. They both did. The last they needed, Rows-in-loud-waters thought, wolf-mounted cavalry running them down while they stared into one another's eyes.
"Since the sundering", Rows-in-loud-waters asked and pondered in silence. The horns dinned again and got a bit closer. "In a host of the size the scouts report? Here I face them a second time, but they have always sent scouts almost yearly and they try skirmishes against us almost every five years. So in the twenty years since the sundering, there have been four skirmishes and two battles. Neither side seemed eager to meet the other in open war." To keep the young man from falling deeper into despair, Rows-in-loud-waters kept to himself the assumed reason. The potential allied dark powers of the Deceived deterred the king and the clan leaders from open war. They feared, maybe rightfully so, that the enemy sought other children of Naríhììnanathìnafòò like the Chììktonààn with their horrid owl-shaped faces and wrinkled talon-like hands.
Though none have seen a Chììknààn in a generation, tales of their malice lingered around the fires of public areas. Elders spun tales of heroes fighting the demi-god-like beings. Their eyes could see a spirit walker, and their strength could wrestle to the ground men twice their size. The claws, razor-sharp on each wrinkled and pimpled hand, extended its arm into the spirit world itself and could yank a spirit walker out from between the realms.
He ventured to guess the enemy refused open war with them because of the fear of the great beat-giver intervening against them, as he had done at the sundering. Spirits of the eagle, the buffalo, and the snake descended from the skies and took shape around them. The eagle came to the aid of the great teacher and fought with him against the enemy. The sight still filled Rows-in-loud-waters with awe and fear. These great spirits with such power existed in their realm - the Wààchlachtatpààtiit. Who knew what else existed beyond the reaches of the seas and northern mountains? The horn blew again, but this time it had not moved. He grabbed the other hatchet on his belt with his right hand.
"They're stalling", Hatchling breathed out, almost in a whisper as if he dared not alert the enemy to his position...
"They are and it is not like them to do so. But remember the spirit of our clan. We watch like the eye in our banner. We wait. We strike. Let the panther clan hunt through the woods and draw them out. We are to wait here." Rows-in-loud-waters convinced himself but pondered what the spirit-walkers of the panther clan waited for, or worse if the Chììktonààn horde lingered within the enemy host and snatched them from between the material and immaterial. "We wait." He echoed again and stood at the ready. The scales on his armor glinted in the setting sun to their left as it sank over the rolling hills at the place where the mountains met the lowlands and fled into the prairies.
A sea of pinks, reds, and oranges washed over the sky to the left of them as they faced north. The sun sat at the bottom of it all, at the horizon in the planes before the Saàronit. He failed to see it but, past the seas of grass - it sank. The sun sought its evening home beyond the lands of teal forests and red cliffs. In the land of gold and beautiful ridged coastlines. It almost yanked him away from the battle before him. It almost drew him away from the moment.
"So they're not as bad as you've told me my whole life?"
"They're bad, but they're human. They bleed and die like you do. The tales your elders have taught you as a child have not been altogether false or altogether true. They *do* practice human sacrifice of those they capture", Rows-in-loud-waters stated. He hid the fact they often sacrificed young children of their clans in the event they captured no one. "But they are not able to speak with wolves or command spiders. These are lies for story-telling effectiveness."
The young man grinned, "Ah then I will bring back my weight in scalps and wolf heads to the feasts of the return party." The young man raised his hatchet in response. "Each being an honor to my family and a possible trophy to convince Fóó Pafààlktiit Tínafsorlor to ask me to give her a name. Been courting her for two years now, and she still hasn't asked me. Perhaps this shows her my ability to provide and protect." Rows-in-loud-waters nodded. Sometimes spoils of war could convince a woman to request a naming. He wondered if women had it better in their tradition of naming. A woman received her name from her husband at the naming ceremony, but a man got his name from his peers. One bad name could stick forever.
His eyes scanned over to Chàànatatnafsorhapààt, named for hiding during a skirmish with the Deceived a handful of years ago. At least his name, he thought, sat in the middle of the road. Not too over the top to be too ridiculous but not to note some character flaw. Once given a name, your name stuck with you for the rest of your life. Shaking his head, he heard screams in the woods before them. "Get ready", he squatted in his ready position. Silence oozed over the field as the sun made a half-eye like of their banner against a pink sky.
"Fóó pafààlktiit tínafsorlor, I will bring you back spoils! I will show you I am a man to father your children", the young man mimicked the position Rows-in-loud-waters took. The two of them stood side by side. "Wááchlachtat, please be with us. Guide our strikes. Smite our foes", the young man glanced up at the sky. Rows-in-loud-waters followed his gaze with his own eyes and witnessed a single eagle flying overhead. “A good omen”, he noted. "He is with us", the young man shouted and pointed up to the sky. "He. Is. With. Us." The fervor spread through the line as men glanced up to spot the eagle before it disappeared.
"Don't get too ahead of yourself, Hatchling. Have faith, but the battle is not yet over. Wááchlachtat is not ours to master. We are his. His will is not ours. He will do as he wishes with this day." Then they came. Oversized wolves burst from the treeline and the men in the front of the formation readied their spears. "When the charge breaks, move with me. Understood, Hatchling", Rows-in-loud-waters asked. The young man nodded a response and the two of them faced their full attention to the front. Drums around them wailed with each passing moment and the panther clan did their duty - pinching the Deceived and drawing them out.
Rows-in-loud-waters smelled them before they got close enough to attack. They reeked of sulfur, oxidized iron, and sweat. Of all the deceits sown by the evil spirit, the greatest blazed fire and iron. Though he lived too few years to have experienced the splendors in the teal forests. The forest they laid bare, the mountains and valleys they flattened to build large metal works. All of this culminated in the great lie the beat-giver gave them conquest as a purpose. Their people knew the truth as inherited from the great beat-giver. Upon creation, he gifted man with more than a heartbeat, but also a goal, a purpose, and a stewardship over the world. The Deceived abandoned it and clad themselves in metal armor atop their steeds.
Charging furred beasts broke against the spears of the stag clan who had adorned their heads with antlers and little white speckled furs along their backs. Wolves howled and snapped their jaws at them as they died against the spears. The drool from their large agape mouths dripped onto the stag clansmen and drenched their armor. The area around Rows-in-loud-waters filled with the reek of wet dogs, which, smelled more pleasant than their riders.
One Deceived soldier, overlapping plated armor, hopped from his beast as it hit the spears, and landed behind the line, rolling as he did so. Tumbling to his feet, he drew two swords made of crude metal and eyed around the Rows-in-loud-waters and Hatchling. He licked his filed-down teeth and stepped forward to the two of them. The smell shifted back to the scent of sulfur and rust. Evil, its stench, hung to the Deceived.
Rows-in-loud-waters turned to face him and tugged Hatchling to do the same. The two of them flicked their hatchets in their hands and semi-circled the Deceived man This outsider appeared like they did: dark tanned skin, darker hair, dark eyes, and markings along his skin denote his tribe. This one hailed from the wolf tribe, which drew its heraldry from the initial Coyote tribe of Kolotatliíchiit. "Traitors", the wolf warrior shouted and raised his sword to charge forward. Rows-in-loud-waters noted the warrior before them bore the scarred claws of the man-butcher on his face. Three scarred lines trailed down his face and missed his eyes by a half-inch.
Other men broke through the formation of spearmen at the front of the line. One by one, more Deceived lingered into the lines of their tribe and the tempest of blades and shields whirled to life. Swords clanked against hatchets, spears against armor, and maces against faces. He heard the crunch of bone under the pressure of horse hooves. The air filled with the smell of metallic liquid, not like rust but a bit more like copper.
Hatchling and Rows-in-loud-waters moved in and, like the jaws of the mighty alligator spirit, pinched the Deceived warrior between themselves. Hatchling threw a slashing move with one of his hatchets, preparing a parry with the other arm. As he did so, Rows-in-loud-waters lunged forward and hacked hard downward to put a severe dent in the helmet of the enemy. The outsider struggled between them. He blocked one blow from Rows-in-loud-waters, then turned around to parry a blow from Hatchling. Sparks flew off the crude metal weapon as their chiseled stone axes hit it. The two of them stepped back from the Deceived outsider before he could counterattack.
Charging in again Hatchling dented his armor, leaving scuffs and scratches, while the enemy pushed Rows-in-loud-waters back away. "Traitors? You fight for the enemy, cousin!" Regardless of how far out the family they believed all clans related through the first men created by the beat-giver. "Turn your heart to Wááchlachtat and see! See the error of your ways and your kindred, they betrayed our ways and clung to Kolotatliíchiit even when revealed himself as the enemy!"
"Kolotatliíchiit was a hero, a paragon of our people! He hunted and slew the Chììktonààn. He mastered the realm given to us and showed us how to bend it to our will", with each phrase the enemy slammed his sword against Hatchling. Raising both his axes to catch the oncoming slash, Hatchling grunted as each hit staggered him backward.
"Perhaps it is not ours to shape?" Hatchling posed the question now and pride welled up in Rows-in-loud-waters’s heart. The young one came to grasp the purpose, the great mission for all of the men on Laaliíoota, one of them anyway. They lived in harmony with nature, not against it, not bending mountains to their will. To protect the young soldier, he jabbed forward with the ax in his main hand and moved back. It acted as a deterrent to pressing the young soldier further.
Around them, the din of battle drowned out the sounds of any other thoughts or fears. The Deceived soldier before them held their full attention. Another enemy sped toward them but caught a spear in the back of the neck. It pierced through him and pinned him to the ground. Gurgling nearby, he struggled and flailed his arms against the ground. A pool of crimson soaked the grass.
"Why", he pushed back Hatchling with his foot. "Would the beat-giver", he slashed and cut a gash in Rows-in-loud-water’s arm. "Give us", he kicked again trying to keep Hatchling back. "a realm to exist in. He wants us to conquer it."
Glancing at the blood running from his arm, Rows-in-loud-waters shook his head. "Then you are lost, cousin. The beat-giver never commanded us to conquer anything. He asked us to live in love with one another, to defend the wilds and beauty he created, and to worship him." Rows-in-loud-waters spun his hatchets around his hands and stepped back. Love of nature, love of others, and love of Wááchlachtat existed as the key commands of their god. The spirits echoed this in their defined sub-goals for each clan.
"Cousin", Rows-in-loud-waters said, "I will ask you once more to lay down your arms and come to try and reform... And we will see to it you are integrated with your people. That you see the truth and the life." In all ways, if possible, he felt required to extend out to the lost and try and pull them back to the way. His eyes met the Deceived man’s eyes and they shared a moment. Contemplation washed over the features of the enemy for but a moment as he narrowed his eyes to Rows-in-loud-waters.
"Never. Your way is a lie. Designed to deceive us." He kicked Hatchling back away again when the gap between them closed, then turned and charged. Rows-in-loud-waters and the enemy met at full force. The two of them traded blows. A slash on the cheek of the Deceived, bleed and he could see the ivory teeth within his joules. He hissed with pain and stepped back again. Droplets of blood oozed from the wound of the enemy’s mouth and down his chin. He reached up and wiped the blood away and licked into the wound with his tongue.
Hatchling charged at him from behind and jumped up into the air to attempt to plunge his axes upon the Deceived's shoulders with two raking blows. Rows-in-loud-waters rose his axes to try and deter the young warrior from his actions against the Deceived. With sudden premonition and supernatural celerity, the Deceived turned around and jammed his sword upwards in a single motion. Hatchling stopped in his tracks, his body caved save for the spasms. The pain must have racked him as he shuddered when the enemy pulled the blade out and fell to the ground.
"No!" Rows-in-loud-waters shouted and charged, but even as he charged forward Hatchling continued to fight. Standing from his prone position, he struck the Deceived in the back of the leg with his hatchet and it bit into him. Crimson liquid sprayed out onto the ground, but he pressed against his abdomen with his left arm. Slashing with the other arm in rapid succession. They wasted too much time, thought Rows-in-loud-waters and he needed to press the combat now. The enemy must fall before Hatchling expired.
Rows-in-loud-waters smacked him with the flat side of his weapon so he turned back around. The blood of his fellow clan mate dripped from the crude metallic blade. The air smelled of rusted metal. Fuming inside, Rows-in-loud-waters swung his weapon again and cleaved through the enemy's collarbone. The Deceived’s neck slacked and the weapon fell to his side. Ringing against his armored thigh, the sword clacked there, tapping as the enemy struggled to hold on.
Heaving for breath, Hatchling continued slashing with his axes and making deep cuts against the enemy until he stopped moving. Blood, a mixture of his own and the Deceived’s covered his face and shoulders. His body rested over the Deceived’s body and he lay there motionless. The battle swirled around them, cousin against cousin. Night fell around them and the three sister moons lit the darkness. The pale, vulnerable light glinted off crude metal and seeped into obsidian weapons.
Rows-in-loud-waters dropped to his knees beside the two bodies as Hatchling gasped for breath. The battle waged on, but numbers weighed on their side. The Deceived brought a thousand men to this battle, where they fielded three times. His ally wrapped both arms around his stomach to try and slow the bleeding.
"Rows-in-loud-waters, tell Fóó Pafààlktiit Tínafsorlor I wish I could have made it back to her. This", he lifted the scalped hair of the enemy soldier on the ground beside him, "is for her." He placed the skin and braided hair into Rows-in-loud-waters’s hand. "Tell her", he coughed, "I would have named her... The most poetic names." The scalp’s blood leaked from the cracks in his hands and down his wrist.
Wrapping his fingers around the other man's hand, Rows-in-loud-waters nodded his head. "What would have named her, Hatchling?" He squeezed as the young man faded a bit more, though he looked far older now than he had ever looked at him before. The mission at the moment remained to keep the young man from dying in fear and panic. Blood gushed from the open wound under his rib cage.
"I would have named her for the way the crickets sing in the summer as the sun sets under the moss-draped trees - Saàriifòònaforchiínaforchiit. I could have named her for the light reflected in her eyes as the fire burns under a full moon and frogs croak out beats for our souls to dance to. I would have named her", he gurgled blood between the words, "queen of my heart - Kiwáátattalkti. Most importantly, Rows-in-loud-waters, I would have named her my wife..."
"I know, friend. I know. I will tell her", blood leaked from the scalp in his hand and down his wrists as he pulled Hatchling's head into his lap. "Rest now, friend." Rows-in-loud-waters leaned in close to his friend and embraced him. He wrapped his arms around the wound with him and tried to provide him warmth as all the blood left his body. The savage blade of the enemy, ripped as it came out. Shuddering, Hatchling closed his eyes, knowing the end came soon.
"Tell her", he whispered again.
"I will", Rows-in-loud-waters responded.
The battle wrestled to an end with the final Deceived being chased away from the battle lines and into the woods where the Panther clan decided to let them go further by themselves. Rows-in-loud-waters watched from his place on the ground and hand on the side of Hatchling's cheek. A set of footsteps jingled through the battlefield behind him, but he kept his face downcast. A clattering of bones against quartz rung with each step. Blotting out the light from the moon, a shadow towered over him.
"Rows-in-loud-waters, losing a soldier in your line is unforgettable and crushing of the spirit, but he is not gone forever. You will see him again when we return to the beat-giver and live with him in the land of peace. Do distress yourself." The chief of the alligator clan knelt and placed a hand on Rows-in-loud-waters’s shoulder. He remained silent for some time, and Rows-in-loud-waters continued to look at the young man who served beside him.
"He fought valiantly, but even in the halls of the beat-giver he will be unnamed."
"Because he has not earned a name? Do you believe he has not earned a name, Rows-in-loud-waters? I hardly think that is fair." The chief shook his head and clicked his tongue against his teeth disapprovingly. Rows-in-loud-waters placed both hands of his friend on his chest and then placed his arms at his sides to shake out the anxiety and pent-up energy there.
"But, Leans-on-the-spirit, no one named him in life. He would not know it when we meet him in the halls of the beat-givers home. How would he answer". At this question, the chief sat and nestled into the ground near Rows-in-loud-waters. Squeezing his shoulder with his hand, and looked into the warrior's eyes.
Removing his hand from the shoulder of Rows-in-loud-waters he lifted the hand of Hatchling to his lap and took in a deep breath. "Do you imagine the names we give one another are for them to know who they are? Do you think our understanding of self is so small we have to have our brothers explain our behavior to ourselves?"
"So the names we give one another are for those around us."
"They're not for the beat-giver to know us", the chief chortled in response. "He already knows who we are before any name is given." The chief looked into Rows-in-loud-waters’s eyes and Rows-in-loud-waters sensed a tenderness and joy in the life of the man which grew in him like a ripened fruit. Here, the fruit offered out to him in guidance and words. “He knew us before the foundation of Laaliíoota and before the breath of the first man”
“Then I have a name for him.”
The chief motioned his hand. “Go on, Rows-in-loud-waters. He fought his trial against the Decieved. He may not have survived, but as far as I am concerned. He passed the test.”
Rows-in-loud-waters pondered for a moment and then closed the eyes of Hatchling on his lap. The wreckage of the battle around them reeked of shit and blood. "Goodbye, Nilchiiltatnawànàt." He inhaled and let out a long sigh. It ripped through him. He sobbed and tears dropped. "Goodbye..." The name echoed in his mind, and the meaning of the syllables slammed together. *Goodbye*, he thought, *Goodbye Died-in-honors-of-all.*
The chief bent over him, wrapping his arms around him and holding his shoulders. "We will see him again. I promise." Standing, he turned his back to Rows-in-loud-waters and looked over the battlefield. "Many of the men who died here will be seen again. Some will be seen in the final moments of the Last End. When we line up before the beat-giver he unfurls the hide of our hearts and examines the colors we dyed there. Should he find there are more colors of lust, hatred, envy, or pride than of love for one another and Him... We will have to answer for that."
Rows-in-loud-waters rose behind him and looked over the battlefield, he knew even the Deceived, flawed, and wrong, stood before the judgment of the beat-giver, regardless of their beliefs. Mangled men lay with broken arms and legs twisted in unnatural directions. The great wolves splayed out with matted fur and broken jaws. He scanned the carnage and another tear came along the curve of his cheek. "Will they attack again?" The sound of men directing clean-up echoed throughout the mass grave before him.
"The enemy will continue to push, ever-escalating the power at his disposal until he is finally defeated in the final moment of the Last End." The chief of the alligator clan offered his words and it warmed Rows-in-loud-waters' heart.
"I don't understand why we must wait for the living spirit of the forest to take on human flesh to defeat Naríhììnanathìnafòò'', a hint of anger rose in Rows-in-loud-waters’s voice as he placed his hatchets back against the belt that held his pants in place. "Why can we not hunt the enemy." He kicked the head of one of the enemy soldiers near him, forgetting his place and not respecting the dead that now belonged to the spirits.
"Even if you hunted every vessel of evil. Even if you slaughtered all the clans of Chììktonààn. You would remain with yourself and the evil in your blood and heart." The chief’s mouth twitched a bit, as he knelt and placed the enemy’s head back where it lay before the kick.
Rows-in-loud-waters took a step back, staggered by the thought he harbored some part of Naríhììnanathìnafòò in himself. "What do you mean? I have never accepted the tenets of evil. I do not forsake my vow to stewardship. I do not forsake my family. I do not forsake my god." He listed out the beliefs every man of the tribe agreed in their ideology. But the chief shook his head in response.
"You are thinking too largely, my friend." The chief pointed softly to the muscles over the heart of Rows-in-loud-waters and pointed out to the battlefield for them both to see. "It is not these large acts, though terrible, that will weigh our hearts with the ink of debt. It is the small ones. Like putting your wants above your wife's needs. Or talking back to your parents. The taint of Naríhììnanathìnafòò is in all of us from the earliest days of his coming to us. Big and small all these evils stain our hearts the same. The smaller ones are easier to commit."
"I... I don't know what to say", Rows-in-loud-waters stammered and stared down at his own feet.
The chief shrugged his shoulders. "Seldom does anyone. It is hard to imagine the taint or the extent of contamination that exists in the world. What we can do is attempt to bring our cousins back into the fold, so to speak, and lead them to a life of stewardship over the realm Wááchlachtat has given to us." The chief’s eyes closed and he mumbled under his breath. Turning again, he left the battlefield and the warrior behind him.
The banners flapped against the wind as they packed up. Men from each clan gathered the dead they had and placed them either over the backs of horses or over their shoulders. The three sisters, moons each larger than the last, trailed across the sky in various phases. Rows-in-loud-waters chose to carry Nilchiiltatnawànàat instead of casting him to the side on the back of a horse. The man's limp arm fell down Rows-in-loud-waters’s back and blood dripped. It trickled the sections of bare skin on Rows-in-loud-waters’s back.
They marched on into the night, headed back south toward their families in Eversun and the drums played a slow, solemn tone with each step they made through the woods. His eyes scanned from person to person. All their eyes cast down to the ground as if looking to make sure they would not trip and fall, but he knew they felt the pain of losing a young one or an unnamed one, or even a brother or a friend.
As they marched, the air started to smell more like home and less like sulfur and metal. The hint of pines, the stench of swamplands, and the sound of water lapping against the sides of shallow ponds in the soft wind. An inhale drug air into his lungs and past his nose where he sniffed the familiar smell of rotted leaves. As they left, he heard a voice from his left. When he turned to face and looked at the voice, no one stood in the darkness of the trees. A voice in his ear, or his heart, told him all calmed for now.

the title says it all. Reddit DM's, will do any roleplay, DM me I'm gonna be on here for a few hours.
My OC's: Saiko (scaled and icy knockout/nickname for this RP) a young and promising lad who is gonna make their way to the top despite being poor, Autistic and Welsh, the odds, always against him but they survive off rap music and they perform a lot, seeking to get into the industry (poor x rich OC). Option A.
Bandito (Twenty One Pilots lore) an escapee who has tried before and failed. Despite Nico and the Niners threatening them they want to escape and pick a day to flee to Trench, leaving behind the city of Dema and singing Sahlo Folina whilst wearing the yellow tape. (New Bandito x experienced Bandito). Option B.
Dylan (Soldiestar wars or hunger games roleplay) A young soldier who fights for the good people of the place they are stationed. They use guerilla warfare and consistently save lives under their name. They are shy, find it hard to trust people and they have no emotion (soldier x other female soldieofficer). Option C.
Requirements:
Be willing to use an OC or character who fits the role and know about the theme or fandom we roleplay if it's option B or C. Option A can be adapted for different ones and Saiko is a consistent OC of mine, being my favourite and my most recent so it can be changed.
Be at least dialogue and actions every sentence so that it's clear where you'd like me to take the story or how this will go.
More than happy to accommodate your own ideas.
I'm in GMT, so remember that.

the title says it all. Reddit DM's, will do any roleplay, DM me I'm gonna be on here for a few hours.
My OC's: Saiko (scaled and icy knockout/nickname for this RP) a young and promising lad who is gonna make their way to the top despite being poor, Autistic and Welsh, the odds, always against him but they survive off rap music and they perform a lot, seeking to get into the industry (poor x rich OC). Option A.
Bandito (Twenty One Pilots lore) an escapee who has tried before and failed. Despite Nico and the Niners threatening them they want to escape and pick a day to flee to Trench, leaving behind the city of Dema and singing Sahlo Folina whilst wearing the yellow tape. (New Bandito x experienced Bandito). Option B.
Dylan (Soldiestar wars or hunger games roleplay) A young soldier who fights for the good people of the place they are stationed. They use guerilla warfare and consistently save lives under their name. They are shy, find it hard to trust people and they have no emotion (soldier x other female soldieofficer). Option C.
Requirements:
Be willing to use an OC or character who fits the role and know about the theme or fandom we roleplay if it's option B or C. Option A can be adapted for different ones and Saiko is a consistent OC of mine, being my favourite and my most recent so it can be changed.
Be at least dialogue and actions every sentence so that it's clear where you'd like me to take the story or how this will go.
More than happy to accommodate your own ideas.

In no particular order (and I'm too lazy to alphabatize) a list of characters associated with Bam Margera since ~2019.
Nikki/Nicole Boyd - Bam's ex wife and mother of his child, currently embattled in legal proceedings over custody and child support. Bam has called Nikki a "hotdog struttin' floozy" leading to this 🌭💃 in the sub.
David Glass - Nikki's lawyer in the custody/child support court case. Bam's sworn mortal enemy who he fully holds responsible for him not being able to see Phoenix (son of Bam and Nikki).
Danni/Danni Marie/Stretch Queen/SQ - Bam's current girlfriend/fiancee (depending on how generous he's feeling that day). She self describes in her IG bio as a "certified stretch queen" so the nickname Stretch Queen was born. Was suspected to have four toes based on an IG picture, but she cleared that up for everyone by counting her toes in an IG story. Holds a lot of the same beliefs as TSW (see next entry) and admits to meeting Bam because she was celebrity hunting at Hollywood parties. Was one of several women invited to staff a party where Bam was in attendance. Also admits to blocking and changing numbers in Bam's phone so he can no longer contact people she deems to be "bad" for him which is mostly family and old friends. You can listen to Danni saying way too much, here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bam-margera-turns-a-page/id1465273008?i=1000651293238
That Surprise Witness/TSW/Shitness/BJ Courville - You Tuber who graduated law school (but gave up her license to practice law) who believes Bam's family had nefarious intentions by placing him in rehab. Believes Bam should be free to do whatever he wants, even if that means drinking himself to death. Also "interviewed" Bam while he was out of his mind and validated some of his most unhealthy beliefs. Bam would go on to attack Jess (his brother) after this interview. Claims to be besties with Danni.
Lima Jevremovic/Lima/Lie-ma - Bam's former medical guardian who took responsibility for getting him placed in rehabs after he was court ordered to treatment. Had a VR technology she was developing to assist with addiction treatment. The guardianship had no financial aspect despite insinuations from TSW that it did. The guardianship ended in 2021/2022 and Lima has had no contact with Bam since. Bam claims Lima gave him tea that caused seizures, a claim that he didn't bring up until 2023, and he seems to still believe (despite no contact for years) that Lima is out there trying to get him "5150"ed. Sued That Surprise Witness for defamation, among other things. Lawsuit is currently pending.
The Shaman/Navid the Shaman - Runs a life coach type business where people can pay to participate in a "magic toad venom" ceremony. Bam appeared to do the Shaman's intensive program, staying with him for about a month. Bam said the Shaman didn't allow drinking (although a White Claw could be seen in a video Bam posted with the Shaman) and Bam would sneak away when the Shaman was doing his weekly ceremony to get loaded. It's unclear how much Bam paid for the privilege of working with the Shaman but Bam bought him several pieces of equipment for his business, like an ice bath. The Shaman also taught Bam "ooga booga." Whenever anyone says "ooga booga" Bam sits perfectly still, not talking until someone says "un ooga booga."
Vinny Beedle/Scumbag Vinny/Vinny - Bam's former booking agent (apparently Vinny was just a random who weaseled his way into Bam's circle) who wanted to take Bam on a stand up comedy tour. Vinny simped for Bam for about a year, being Bam's punching bag and trying to prop a very unruly Bam up in random venues. Allegedly Vinny came out of pocket a significant amount to fund his "tour" and lost money when Bam ultimately cancelled because he couldn't be bothered to follow a schedule. Bam would show up late to the shows and demand to go on. The fued over money lead to Bam cutting Vinny off. Vinny later admitting to buying a Cameo in the hopes Bam would talk to him. Bam ignored it. Bam still holds a grudge against Vinny, insisting that Vinny scammed him, took his money, and went to Disney World. An example of something Vinny put together can be seen here, at a failed party where none of the equipment worked and Vinny tried to entertain the small crowd with his stand up: https://m.youtube.com/watch?si=IGjVDLvtbRh6afRk&v=Cn7HJ3XSaOM&feature=youtu.be
Jack/Jack Tillery - Bam's current (?) manager. Known to be a giant asshole and also suspected of being Bam's drug dealer. Here's Jack cowering in a corner while Bam screams at him: https://www.tmz.com/2019/03/07/bam-margera-fights-manager-comedy-show-cancelled-new-york/
Jessica/Methica - Bam's most recent ex-girlfriend, known for wearing zip up hoodies with no bra. She has a daughter, Ysabel who is about 8. Jessica and her daughter travelled around with Bam and eventually Bam started to call Ysabel HIS daughter. When they broke up, Bam forgot all about his daughter. Ysabel was school aged yet did not seem to be in school.
Mia Walmart - A foot model who Bam briefly dated before meeting Danni.
Princess Purple Rain - Absolute bit part character but responsible for the greatest “laughing “at”, not “with” Bam video ever. She’s the equivalent of a rookie coming off the bench in a game 7 of the NBA finals, dropping 5 3s consecutively, blocking Lebron on the game winning drive and then never being heard from again. For the uninitiated, here’s the greatest thing you’ll see today: https://youtube.com/shorts/kiuOj05ju8o?feature=shared
Mike Quinn - Bam and Danni's current booking agent, possibly manager. According to Danni, Mike was arranging for a Lionsgate biopic to be made about Bam's life. No, this is not the same Mike Quinn that manages the Tik Tok'er.
Cult Shotta - Australian rappers who Bam met up with in LA shortly after his break up with Jessica. Bam hung out with them for several weeks, ultimately releasing the song "Feel Like Bam"....I'm not even going to link it, but suffice to say not only is it terrible, it's an earworm. "I can't heart a bitch but I can heart a gram."
Bear, The Lion - Bam is constantly obtaining gifts for Phoenix and then complaining he can't give them to Phoenix. One such gift was a stuffed lion that Bam carried around the Atlantic City Boardwalk (I'm sure it smelled lovely). Bam made an IG post to complain he couldn't give the lion to Phoenix, except he called it a bear.
Yelawolf - A long time friend of Bam's and rapper. He's also now an avid golfer repping the Malbon golf brand which markets itself to young, non-conforming golfers. Yelawolf lives in the Nashville area and Bam stops by his place 1-2 times a year.
Rob Swaverly - Long time acquaintance of Bam from Pennsylvania. Gives off big crackhead energy and keeps referring to something called "Golden Squad" that no one seems to know what it means. Also swears Bam is a "best friend" of his even though it appears they only may have known each other as young kids and then in passing as adults.
Fuck tent - Bam wrote an entire "business plan" for a sort of rehab that he would enjoy. It included Jess running some sort of music program, the Shaman doing rituals and meditation, and a fuck tent where the people living there would presumably go to fuck.
Ya mon - Bam says this as a sign off in a lot of his Cameos and rants, but when the Yemen flag started to appear in his IG captions, it became more of a joke because it appears he was using voice-to-text and it was interpreting "Yah mon" as "Yemen" and posting the Yemen flag emoji.
Kyle - Bam's roommate in rehab that told the same stories over and over. Bam said to him, "Great story, Kyle! Can you tell it again!" as a joke.
Navarone - Son of Priscilla Presley and also has a band. Bam and Navarone frequently talk via IG and take their conversations live sometimes Danni will be seen in the background nude or wrapped in a towel. Navarone supposedly gave Bam some of Elvis Presley's items (see next entry).
Elvis Presley Robe - Navarone supposedly gave Bam a robe and ring owned by Elvis Presley. This turned out to be false with Priscilla coming out to say she would never do such a thing and found Bam disturbing. Bam meanwhile made up an impromptu rap that went "Elvis Presley robe, let's go, let's go, let's go!" Here's the rap: https://www.reddit.com/LetsTalkBam/s/xwFNlaLHbj
Steven Donnelly - Possibly the booking agent for Bam's recent UK tour. Bam claims Steven refused to give him money and was trying to scam him, which is why the tour was cancelled. People called Bam out in the comments saying they had worked with Steven and found him to be fantastic. A venue even came forward to say no money was ever given to Steven and that Bam's figures ($150k in profits) were inflated and impossible given the size of the tour and the fees being paid.
Amore ad Lunam - HIM tribute band located in Puerto Rico. Bam went to PR fresh off his failed UK tour to "record an album" with them and apparently a music video.

So for those of you who ask, I'm 19 years old and don't really listen to 80s rap that much. HOWEVER, I was just interested in early stages of rap due to u/The_Chef_Raekwon's post and checked out some pioneers like Grandmaster Caz and the Cold Crush Brothers and Treacherous Three and Kool Moe Dee. But the person that stood out was SPOONIE GEE.
Spoonie Gee was born in 1963 and was nicknamed "Spoonie" because that was the only utensil he would eat with. He was one of earliest solo rap artists and the earliest rappers to put his shit on wax. (Not calling his raps shit but you know what I mean lol). He was also (I believe) the first rapper to have a "flow" before flow even mattered. He was really ahead of his time in many ways and is underrated especially when it comes to 80s rappers.
He was putting out great singles and was really respected up until 1987 when rap was just starting to enter in its golden age and peak with the likes of Rakim and NWA. But regardless, I am trying to enhance my knowledge of rappers new and old and Spoonie Gee as I said stands out.
Here are some tracks that you should definitely check out of this pioneer:
[Spoonie Rap] (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxN1xrLRvGU&pp=ygUXc3Bvb25pZSBnZWUgc3Bvb25pbiByYXA%3D) - While him saying "YES Y'ALL" is a bit repetitive, this is an important track and Spoonie is flowing on the beat for 7 minutes. Some of the lyrics in this record could make the argument that Spoonie was the first "gangsta rapper". Lyrics like "See, I'mma roll my barrel and keep the bullets still/And when I shoot my shot, I'm gonna shoot to kill". This could also be considered the first storytelling track.
[Love Rap] (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cv2ReNgW8I0&pp=ygUUc3Bvb25pZSBnZWUgbG92ZSByYXA%3D) - Here we see Spoonie with the track "Love Rap", paving the way for artists such as LL Cool J, Nelly, Ja Rule, and Drake.
[New Rap Language] (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlTvgyUBTRs&pp=ygUcc3Bvb25pZSBnZWUgbmV3IHJhcCBsYW5ndWFnZQ%3D%3D) - This is really Treacherous Three's track, Spoonie is featured on it. While Kool Moe Dee is definitely the stand-out on this record, this is still a cool, fun track. We see the first example of "fast rap" here.
[The Godfather] (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ry-o4DwEoFY&pp=ygUVc3Bvb25pZSBnZWUgZ29kZmF0aGVy) - This track came out in 1987. His buzz was starting to die down at this point but this is a cool song. Basically a braggadocios track on how cool his style is.
[That's My Style] (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jSGAzMXtGA&pp=ygUbc3Bvb25pZSBnZWUgdGhhdCdzIG15IHN0eWxl) - This was a diss towards Schoolly D (I believe?). Him accusing Schoolly of biting his rhymes showing that even back in those days, biting had ZERO respect (also see Grandmaster Caz and Big Hank Bank).
So, there you have it! 5 of my best tracks from Spoonie G. Dude was ahead of the curb when it came to this rap shit with his flow, voice, delivery and even lyrics which was different from rappers shouting their lyrics. I just wish that pioneers in rap were more respected and talked about like pioneers are in other genres like rock. I get that rap is competitive and I'm not saying it shouldn't. I love battling as much as the next guy and people should want to be the best at their craft but let's also show respect to the guys that paved the way. Thanks for reading :)

This is a subjective, personal interpretation. Reminders of this will appear throughout the post, but even if the language used doesn’t specify this again and again, it wants to be understood as a perspective. One of many.
 

A little context: I seem to have made a relatively sized and weighted faux-pas when nonchalantly suggesting that Socrates, Meister Eckhart and Lil Wayne may be considered Zen Masters. With that I didn’t mean to claim their connection to any linage, but rather throwing them out there for the purpose of an entertaining discussion. Alas, zen, didn’t accept this honest and rather serious presentation of my perspective. 

 
Since I don’t mean to ridicule, I have put some effort into some sourced and commented content regarding these Masters.
 
I have chosen to only look at the least likely to be such a Master. Dwayne Michael Carter Jr. aka Lil Wayne.
 

• Socrates’ status as a historical figure (as known to us today) remains to be proven, but so does that of Gautama and Bodhidarma. The body of research and opinions regarding their proclaimed teachings, influence and general attitude is however so rich, that a little nibble of it spit on these pages seems irrelevant to me.

 

• Since I have not been critiqued for mentioning Meister Eckhart, and here too many papers, articles and even theses exist likening them to Zen, I won't add to that.

 
Furthermore, I am daring the orouboroesque feature of comparing the quotes of Lil Wayne to those of Meister Eckhart. The one rather pragmatic reason being that German is my native language, so that the available source material is, quite literally, perfectly understood.
 

A few relevant words to Lil Wayne’s persona: He is known for his attitude, usually playful, but also unapologetically honest. His label is called “Young Money”, as in opposition to ‘old money’. He is widely considered as one of the most influential artists of this millennium's rap game. The man got bars. 

 

On to the first quote:

Hello may I speak to Tuneci, may I ask who's calling? Everybody got the juice without a glass to pour it.
Nicki Minaj ft. Lil Wayne - Good Form (3:08)

 

Additional information for the layman: Juice can be understood as influence, respect, but also energy or ability. This term, as many others used in US Rap, is not officially defined and is usually highly dependent on context. I would like to add a quote from Kendrick Llamar regarding the spoken language of afro-american youth in the streets of Compton, USA. 

 

“Speaking a language only we know you think is an accent”
Kendick Lamar - The Art Of Peer Pressure (1:47)

 

Tunechi is another name of Lil Wayne. The name originated from their Grandmothers nickname “Tune” for them, to which the -chi was added. “Like Gucci”. The full name was Tunechi Lionches (spelling unclear) [For the interested: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtU1mwcrYYM https://www.socratic-method.com/lil-wayne/meaning-of-tunechi-intro-by-lil-wayne ]. 

 
What I get from the first two lines is that the one who is spoken to depends on the one who is speaking. Name (and by this form) are interpersonal, or intersubjective. A possible idea being that Tunechi doesn’t speak to fans, but only to peers who are able to understand what will be said.
He then goes on acknowledging that everyone has “the juice”, the ability, the inherent energy, but no one is able to give form to this. I want to relate this to the idea that everyone is already ‘there’, but lacking the understanding, the realization of this, lets the form seem unfulfilled.
 

"And this you must know for sure: when the free mind is quite detached, it constrains God to itself, and if it were able to stand formless and free of all accidentals, it would assume God's proper nature."
Meister Eckhart - On Detachment (https://german.yale.edu/sites/default/files/meister_eckhart_on_detachment.pdf)

 
 

2nd quote:

And I call it like I see it, and my glasses on, but most of you don't get the picture, less the flash is on, satisified with nothing, you don't know the half of it,
Lil Wayne ft. Cory Gunz - 6 foot 7 foot (2:23)

 
I will let “And I call it like I see it” stand for itself.
 
He goes on stating that for his ability to see, he got his glasses on, but “most of you” need an additional source of light, an “enlightenment” to see what’s really going on.
 
I was unable to find an accessible english translation, so I translated it myself. For questions or critique of this translation I stand readily available.

“It’s a difficult position to be in, when God leaves humanity (the human) without divine presence, when God stretches humanity's loneliness, so that it is empty of him (God), without (God’s) light or sound or action, as you here teach and interpret. When the human stands in naught but nothingness, wouldn’t it be better, that they (humans) do something about it, to dispel the darkness and alienation, for example, that they pray or read or listen to a sermon or engage in actions which are virtuous, which should be helpful.”
Eckhart goes on to say that remaining completely empty and in stillness is most favorable.

 

German source material: Das ist ein schwerer Stand, wenn Gott den Menschen so ohne seinen Aufenthalt lässt, wenn Gott der Menschen Verlassenheit so dehnt, dass er nicht in ihm ist, leuchtend oder zusprechend oder wirkend, wie Ihr hier lehret und meinet. Wenn der Mensch so in lauter Nichts steht, ist es dann nicht besser, dass er etwas tue, um diese Dunkelheit und Entfremdung zu vertreiben, zum Beispiel, dass er bete oder lese oder eine Predigt höre oder andere Werke tue, was doch Tugenden sind, mit[37] denen man sich helfen soll? Meister Eckhart - Von der Dunkelheit (On Darkness) [ http://www.zeno.org/Philosophie/M/Meister+Eckhart/Predigten,+Traktate,+Spr%C3%BCche/Predigten/3.+Von+der+Dunkelheit ] 

 
The last two lines complete the picture for me, so to say.
Satisfied with nothing, wanting ever more, is not even half of it. Lets say, the other half is being satisfied with everything. Both of them together don’t complete the picture (to ride this horse a little longer). Perhaps pointing at the futility of depending on things, be it no-thing or all the things.
 

Therefore the masters declare that the blessed in heaven know creatures independently of any image of those creatures, knowing them in the one image that is God, in which God knows Himself and all things, and loves and wills them.
Meister Eckhart - The Book Of Divine Comfort
( https://german.yale.edu/sites/default/files/meister-eckhart-maurice-o-c-walshe-bernard-mcginn-the-complete-mystical-works-of-meister-eckhart-the-crossroad-publishing-company-2009.pdf )

 
Reading this as “being satisfied with nothingness”, or the void, does not point to full realization of ones true nature. And surely the void is not even close to being half of the absolute and true experience of this here moment, the utter fullness of here and now. Of being one with God.
 

You should know, God cannot leave anything void or unfilled, God and nature cannot endure that anything should be empty or void. And so, even if you think you can't feel Him and are wholly empty of Him, that is not the case.
Meister Eckhart - Sermon 4
( https://german.yale.edu/sites/default/files/meister-eckhart-maurice-o-c-walshe-bernard-mcginn-the-complete-mystical-works-of-meister-eckhart-the-crossroad-publishing-company-2009.pdf )

 

Completing the trinity:

Okay, you want me up in a cage, then I come out in beast mode, I got this world stuck in the safe, combination is the G-Code.
Eminem feat. Lil Wayne - No Love (1:35)

 
A personal favorite of mine, I have to admit.
Relating the state of ignorance to a prison needs no further citations.
Likening the freed to beasts, behaving most naturally, yeah, ok, why not.
But I would rather liken these first two lines to a possible motivation for the emergence of Zen, but also of Meister Eckhart. Zen and Eckhart seem to have partially developed because of the at the times prevalent doctrine of their respective parental figures. Buddhism and the catholic church. An act of rage against the machine (rage is perhaps a strong word, but Zack de la Rocha does rap). It feels a bit silly to invest time and energy in yet another sourced explanation of how Zen does not adhere to Buddhist, or any other doctrine or ritualisation of practice. Sources for Eckhart's heresy, deemed so by the catholic Church, are many and readily available to the interested.
 
The last two lines: To have the whole world “stuck away safely”, unreachable and for it having no means to reach out, does remind me of detachment from worldly affairs. But to have access to it, at will so to say, the code is needed. The G-Code. The God-Code? Why not. But Gs, in rap, are also the real players, the ones who got it. The Masters. And what is their pointing, if not the code, they key, for opening the door to reality.
 

But now I will speak again of the will. To give a hundred marks of gold for God is a noble deed, and appears as such. Yet I declare that if I have the will that I should give a hundred marks if I had them - if the will is perfect, then in fact I have paid God and He must give account to me as if I had really given Him a hundred marks. I say further, If I had the will to give up a whole world did I possess it, then I have made over to God a whole world, and He must render account to me as if I had given a whole world to Him. I say, if the pope had been slain by my hand, and if it had not occurred with my will, I would go up to the altar and say Mass as usual. I say humanity is as perfect in the poorest and most wretched as in pope or emperor, for I hold humanity more dear in itself than the man I carry about with me. That we may be thus united with God, may the truth of which I have spoken help us. Amen.
Finishing lines of Sermon Ten - Meister Eckhart.
( https://german.yale.edu/sites/default/files/meister-eckhart-maurice-o-c-walshe-bernard-mcginn-the-complete-mystical-works-of-meister-eckhart-the-crossroad-publishing-company-2009.pdf )

Looking for a buyer. I have tons of potions (I-V) and enchants (I-V) to sell. Willing to sell at 80% RAP, they are worth ~150M, I'll sell for 120M. Only regular enchants (no explosive, lightning etc.). Let me know your in-game nickname I'll friend you, we'll meet and trade. Cheers!

I watched this YouTube video like in 2016-2017 and it was like a Barbie skit, I don’t remember much but there was a part that a guy doll started rapping about potatoes. It was so revolutionary for younger me that I still have the rap ingrained in my head it goes
Wake up in the morning, eating potatoes
The haters get jealous so they throwing tomatoes
Deep fried waffle fries oh my
Potatoes are so beautiful they make me wanna cry
Girl, are you feeling insecure? Yhfdthvkbvh obscure
These buds aren’t you nickname, if you can’t handle them you must be really lame!
ROASTED!!!
Scalloped or fried
But them in the oven baby I don’t mind
So many colors red, yellow, or white
Potatoes are so beautiful they make me wanna cry!!
Pleasuh I need to find this video again for the nostalgia the only reason I remember the rap is because I recited it to my mom and lied saying I made it up

• I am: 33M, PST
  
• Seeking: 21+ Partner
  
• Content: NSFW+
  
• Genre: Drama, romance, sci-fi, erotica
  

"Yukimura Naoshi! You have been convicted of being socially defective."
Yukimura stood before the "judge" in an otherwise empty courtroom, or to be more precise a consensual hallucination of a courtroom. The judge – "Solidarity," it called itself – loomed forward, a mechanical tumor of wires, veinlike cables, haphazard monitors, chaotic pistons and widgets, a computer dreamed by a schizophrenic. But then, maybe he couldn't throw stones; he hardly cut a striking figure. His thin, long-limbed body saw him nicknamed "spider-kun" in high school, and maybe he looked the part. His mop of black hair came down to his eyes, barely hiding the rings around his dead-fish stare. Left pale by years lurking inside, he looked like something between a vampire (unsexy) and a zombified salaryman. At least, that's what came to mind when he had the misfortune to glimpse himself in his reflection in a window, or when his disassociation failed and he actually noticed his face in the mirror each morning.
Yukimura glanced down at his wrists, still shackled -- the chain ran down from the manacles to the floor, and then out the door.
"Your sentence is to participate in the Human Reconstitution project for 1000 hours or until such time as your defective heart is reformed."
"...why?" Yukimura narrowed his eyes. "What's the evidence against me?"
The monitors flickered.
Scenes popped up one after another: moments from his life, as captured by integrated optic implants, security cameras, recordings, memories. His teeth ground a bit. There he is at age five, sitting alone at an empty playground. He was the only kid who couldn't play the latest VR games. The other kids gathered in a far corner, planning for an evening's dalliance in the new top hits. When they went home, Yukimura would sit on the swings alone. There he was in school, watching from the roof while some of the popular kids tormented an unpopular girl; he only mused that it wasn't him, and that was enough. Oh! And there he is ignoring a classmate who asked for help with an assignment, asking her sharply if she was stupid – it's so obvious. His blank "career ambitions" handout he returned to the guidance counselor.
But most of all? His mother's funeral. He watched himself: his own blank face staring at the cold black stone of her grave. Anyone who saw him from the outside would say he seemed bored. Indifferent. Waiting for it to be over. His sister had doubled up over the family grave and he'd just watched her. What was it his sister screamed at him? 'Do you have a human heart at all?' When she reached up to claw at his shirt he'd shoved her off of him. She went off to college and he never spoke to her again.
What the fuck did she know?
How could anyone know?
His feelings are his own. No one has a right to them.
"Damning case," said Yukimura, "but I didn't think it was illegal to be a misanthrope."
"Your actions are indefensible because they cannot become law. If all acted as you did, humanity would perish."
Yukimura snickered. That's what this was about. The truth is, humanity now hurtles toward demographic collapse and everyone knows it. If things went on, global civilization would implode in a few decades as his -- the "last generation" -- withered away in front of the VR rigs. The civilization that began in ancient Sumeria would fade away not with a bang, but with a whimper... "If I was the last one alive, I'd spit on the world's grave," said Yukimura, voice flat.
"There is no greater proof you are socially defective. You would relish the destruction of the world that supports you. Do you not see that you would also die?"
"So what if I do? I don't prize a life my parents thrust on me unasked."
"You require rehabilitation."
"...what?"
"You will be taught to connect with others. Your actions will serve as a model to the human race, and remind you of your bond with others."
"Or what?"
"This project is endorsed by the Republic of Japan. Refusal to participate will carry legal consequences."
He glowered. He might be a nihilist, but landing in prison wasn't how he'd like to wait out the end of the world. "Fine. What'd you say? Thousand hours?"
"You will be required to participate in the rehabilitation protocols. You will work with a rehabilitation advisor and fellow participants to 'educate' humanity. You must be made to return to one another, and you will 'exercise' the muscles. After your sentence is complete, you will be free to go."
"So I can just wait it out and not try?"
"That is your own choice to make."
"...fine. Let's just get it over with."
"You have been registered as a project participant. Meet with your counselor within seventy-two hours. You will receive your first 'assignment' from her. For the restoration of mankind..."
The simulation ended. An uncushioned disconnect from the neuroscape: it hit Yukimura like a hammer upside his head. The world spun, his familiar room becoming a sickening swirl of colors and reflections. His fingers gripped the rumpled fabric of his bed as sweat beaded his brow. Every time was as bad as the first time: so bad he barely noticed himself sucking in fast, shallow breaths, or his eyes rolling up into his skull. As the attack ended, he collapsed back into the sheets, staring at the same water stained ceiling that had haunted him for 19 years.
A social defectiveness rap, huh? As strange as it sounded, everything checked out. This was a real thing the government pulled.
As he rose from his bed, Naoshi stalked over to his bedroom window. This became his house when his mother died in fact if not in law. His father rarely graced this place with his presence, perhaps because the air was pregnant with memories of his wife. His sister never came, but why would she? They left on bad terms.
Naoshi opened the blinds, stealing a peak of the outside world. Funny. If you really wanted to, you could divest yourself of the human race these days. Delivery food – likely prepared by a robot and harvested by an automated farm – and home AI meant that you could just stay inside for months at a time, avoiding the hateful eye of mankind. Not that Yukimura did. He avoided the Neuroscape as long as possible; he scratched the back of his neck. Behind the skin, muscle and bone lay his defective spinal cord. "Defective," in the sense that it created delirium every time he jacked in or out. Imagine if to participate in the world you had to be hit in the face with a hammer every time you left your house: that's what it's like. He couldn't even go to any conventional college because, well, again, imagine your professor knocking your lights out with a bat the moment you walk through the door.
(He had worn these furrows in his mind through constant rumination.)
Well…
He'd have to do "exercises" with a "fellow participant." Yeah, being asked to leave his home sucked, but he could make this interesting. What better way to crush the project than to corrupt its participants? He'd make them rue the day… he'd show them. He'd remind them why they called him the spider, good old "kumo-kun:" they'd just be the web to catch his flies for him. He can drag down anyone anywhen. By the end of it, he'll be a lifetime convict for social defectiveness.
He gave a rueful smile at a passing autocar. Right. Another one of his little fantasies of vengeance. Even he knew they were pathetic. You don't break people from a few exercises. True brokenness arises from a long, slow, painful erosion of the soul. Just look at him.
He turned around and glanced back at his room. Books – dead tree ones – lined the wall, a rarity in an age where you could get all human literature on your phone. As far as data storage went they were a feeble competitor to machines, but hey, they didn't hit him in the head. A dusty keyboard sat in the corner unplayed. He felt a stab of guilt every time he registered its existence, but… His phone gave a soft chirp; apparently his counselor was ready for him.
Well, well…
How best to bring this project to its knees?
Setting: In 2050, humanity is in terminal decline. Though we have conquered many evils like war, disease, and famine, a malaise has infected our species at the end of history. We're safer than we've ever been, and yet we are also more isolated, more lonely, more desperate. Some say that this is the Final Generation, and that global civilization will collapse once again into small communities as industrial society no longer produces enough people to support itself.
I picture this being set in Japan in the near future. It's a kind of "soft cyberpunk." No (or few) antiheroic mercenary-criminals with no legal identity, rusting megacities, or comically over-the-top grinding poverty, but yes full-dive VR, AI assistants, and grinding social alienation. I almost liken it to Star Trek, if you scratched the utopian surface and found a declining, depressed civilization under the surface. More than a few cases are reported each day of people wasting away in their full-dive VR sets (they have safety features to prevent this, but a committed addict can jailbreak them). Family formation, marriage, and birth rates are lower than ever. Rather than a sudden obliteration, the human race may simply die of loneliness.
Plot: Now you may be asking yourself, "What's this RP actually about?"
That's a great question.
This idea came from a single image that came to me: Two people, broken people, forced to pantomime a relationship in a (quixotic?) attempt to teach others how to love. This "Human Reconstitution Project" attempts to mend human relationships by creating "models" for others, producing bizarre "instructional content" somehow intended to reintegrate by example a world of hikikomori. What does that mean? I'd like to work that out with you. We could use the Project as a plot device, and make this more of a relationship drama about people connecting in this quasi-apocalypse. Maybe the project is benign, and the resulting scenes have a sillier fish out of water tone; or, the project is evil and oppressive, reducing its participants into hollow avatars of prosocial behavior, and the interest comes from escaping its grasp. Or we could push it in some other crazy direction with more action or adventure; for this one, I'm kind of just starting with a striking idea and letting it develop in whatever wild way!
Characters: Obviously I'm looking to play Yukimura here, a loner misanthrope -- he's isolated even in the context of this alienating world, since his "disability" makes full-dive VR hard for him. I present him as a bit of a moody outcast here, mostly because it is: like the only kid on the playground who is medically unable to play Fortnite, he doesn't fit in with the world around him, nor does he want to. But like most such dweebs he's haunted by a profound loneliness. Obviously, right now he plans to cause problems on purpose; he's being honest when he says he'd like nothing more than to be the guy who pisses on the world's grave. There's just one simple question: will you fix him, or make him worse? Or will he break his fellow participants over his knee.
Obviously, Solidarity will thrust our characters together as they attempt to complete the Project's "missions." Thus, there's only really one really one requirement for your character: they need to be fucked up enough that Solidarity would "sentence" them to the Reconstitution Project. How you define fucked up is entirely up to you. It could be the nerd girl who hasn't left her room in years and is in a committed relationship with a gacha game character, or it could be the honor student and campus UN head who has a heart-shaped hole in her chest and cries herself to sleep tonight, or really anyone with Issues. They can be of any age, but I prefer an F role.
It is a plus for this if you're willing to play multiple characters, as I am.
Content: This is basically a story about dysfunctional social relationships, so expect that. Beyond that, I'm wide open. I do enjoy ERP and I think sex in this setting would be interesting to explore (we can discuss that more privately). I don't see this prompt having much in the way of violence, but I guess it's possible, and I'm okay writing about it.
Writing Style: I will let you judge my literacy from the sample above. Most of my posts are between one and five paragraphs long, varying with the needs of the scene. I write in third person, and default to present tense, but I can adjust to past if you prefer. I try to post at least once a day, and I love rapid-fire posting where our schedules align and we can bounce shorter posts back and forth.
I'm friendly OOC and love to make friends, but I am also more than happy to respect your privacy if you prefer.
Beyond that, I'm happy to discuss, adjust, or brainstorm any aspect of this prompt!
Okay, if this interests you at all, please reach out with the following:

• A name for you, your age, pronouns, and time zone.
• What interests you about the prompt
• An idea for a character
• Include a short scene describing how they were sentenced to the project. For example, think about all the things Yukimura saw as 'evidence' – what would she see?

Hello all, I would like to share my story with you in hopes it can provide helpful information to someone. TLDR: Please detox safely. “when in the physically dependent zone of alcohol addiction self-detox is like rolling a 20-sided dice with DT being one of the values of 20. You can self-detox the same exact way 100+ times without issues but it only takes one bad roll to end up in the ICU/dead."
Background:
I’m a life-long alcoholic (since age 16) and have been a daily drinker (~12 high ABV beers a day average). Last year I started attempting to curb my intake by setting “rules” like only drinking on the weekends, etc.. One full year of consistent binging and withdrawing. I had my withdraw routines and knew to expect a few sleepless shitty nights after a 4+ day binge. It always sucked but I always would finally make it to the other side enough for 3-4 days of sobriety before the weekend drinking again.

The Event:
I was laid off with good severance over a month ago, guess what I did for the past month morning to night? You got it, drink my worries into oblivion! I decided on 4/9 it was time to sober up and get back on track. I did not have health insurance but I’ve self-detoxed many times and thought nothing of doing it once more (I’ve never had a seizure detoxing), just shakes and sleepless nights for a bit and everything will be good again, right? I was VERY wrong and it almost cost me my life. 5-6 days no sleep, Full-blown DT, ventilator, 2 ½ days ICU, 6 days total in hospital before release.

Timeline of detox and symptom progression
Day 1 (4/9): Shakes, unable to sleep.
Day 2 (4/10): Shakes, unable to sleep.
Day 3 (4/11): Shakes subsiding, unable to sleep, slight visual hallucinations (ghost flies & random sparkles), slight auditory hallucinations (grey noise was sometimes music).
Day 4 (4/12): Barely any shakes, unable to sleep, stronger visual hallucinations ( See notes from my experience below), strong auditory hallucinations (See notes from my experience below).
Notes: visual hallucinations- “my mother is curled up on my couch actively reading a magazine. My father is sitting at a dining table tinkering with something regularly looking at me through a mirror. My dad fixing what I assume is an electrical outlet on my wall. He then proceeded to call me by my nickname and walk over to me while talking and handing me a screw. I tried to ignore him because he’d disappear when looked at directly but we were able to “exchange” the screw by me sticking my hand out and saying “thank you”. My mom just asked if she can have a water bottle, then we had a weird rambling conversation in her current sad/worried tone of voice. I tested looking directly at her during conversation, she disappeared but didn’t immediately come back when in my side-eye like my father. All of this ended when I decided to go to my bedroom and lay down.
Notes: auditory hallucinations- "Sounds/music were originating from different items/appliances in my apartment. Air purifier: 80’s & Spanish music, Clothes dryer: 80’s & Spanish music, Roomba: while cleaning 80’s music while returning to dock Brazilian funk music, Parking garage noise: reggae music, Bathroom exhaust fan: apartment building fire alarm noise. Besides the fire alarm noise my experience with auditory hallucinations from withdraw have only included pleasant sounds and music."
Day 5 (4/13): THIS IS WHERE IT GETS BAD. Shakes have intensified, unable to sleep. Around 7 PM six-eight individual “people” invaded my home and are robbing it and holding me hostage in my bedroom. Each entity I’m able to observer directly and have full conversations with. They all had individual personalities and I had a very strong feeling of Stockholm syndrome as I was attempting to befriend a few of the nicer entities to improve my situation. Luckily the evil/mean entities including the one I deemed the “ringleader” were unable to enter my room but still were able to “access my brain/hurt me” via different methods. They all were there to hurt me in any way possible, for example there was a “girl” in my shower that would try to take pictures of me while using the bathroom to use for blackmail and would show the other entities and make fun of my genitals (I stopped using the bathroom because of this). Horrible memories were repeatedly brought up and made fun of. Fake horrible scenarios were “implanted in my brain” causing me duress until I acknowledged the “ringleader” put it there to hurt me. I could always see at least 6+ faces watching me from all angles partially hidden by door frames, gaps between doors and walls, gaps between TV and wall, morphing from blankets and clothing on furniture. Every time I attempted to close my eyes I would open them shortly after to find the evil entities attempting to insert wires into my nose so they could “control my brain”. The few times I attempted to physically interact with the entities they disappeared into a gap, crack, or void once within 2-3 feet but immediately reappeared visually and angrier once I increased distance. They mentally tortured me in every way possible for roughly 10 hours straight.
Day 6 (4/14): At 6:00 AM I luckily had a moment of clarity that screamed GO TO THE ER. The visual hallucinations were gone but the entities were still present and VERY angry I was going to the hospital. I went to the bathroom and while washing my hands the bathroom exhaust fan started playing the following line from Killer Queen,
“She's a Killer Queen
Gunpowder, gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind, guaranteed to BLOW YOUR MIND, BLOW YOUR MIND, BLOW YOUR MIND!!”
I’m a gun owner and I interpreted this in the most negative sense. Throughout the night they tried many different angles to get my gun out of my safe and in my hands (luckily I knew better).
I decided to shower before the hospital and the shower head now started talking to me and repeatedly saying, “HAHAHAHAH, (my name) is going to the hospital because he can’t sleep” “Kill yourself you’re weak, KILL YOURSELF YOU’RE WEAK, KILL YOURSELF YOU’RE WEAK”. I could also feel the floor of the shower moving under my feet as if someone was in the shower walking around me.
I was driven to the hospital and the entire ride all gray noise (traffic, lawnmowers, construction, etc) was replaced with loud chainsaw sounds over bloodcurdling screams/pleading not to be killed.
I made it to the hospital, the entire hospital was playing loud rap music (stuff on my playlists) throughout and while waiting in the room for the nurse my visual hallucinations returned as a couple of the entities from the night before were in the room on the ceiling/in the wall laughing at me “for being so weak”.
This is where my memory stops but I was admitted to the ICU immediately. Intubated, ventilator, catheter, 5 IVs in my arms, they attempted to use every drug possible to prevent seizures with zero luck.. until the last resort was used Phenobarbital. THIS SAVED MY LIFE and nothing short of that!
Day 7 (4/15): In ICU no memory
Day 8 (4/16): In ICU memory returns half-way through the day as I struggle to comprehend my situation laying in a private room hooked up to everything possible with my own nurse. I feel confused, foggy, but “okay”. Transferred to a normal hospital bed that afternoon.
Day 9 (4/17): Feeling “okay”, heart monitor, controlled withdraw from Phenobarbital.
Day 10 (4/18): Feeling “okay”, heart monitor, controlled withdraw from Phenobarbital.
Day 11 (4/19): Feeling “okay”, heart monitor, controlled withdraw from Phenobarbital. Discharge @ 12:00 PM.
Close to discharge my doctor shared the following with me that I hope you all will find as valuable as I did. He stated “when in the physically dependent zone of alcohol addiction self-detox is like rolling a 20-sided dice with DT being one of the values of 20. You can self-detox the same exact way 100+ times without issues but it only takes one bad roll to end up in the ICU/dead. There is no way of predicting your roll. If you lapse, immediately seek medical attention DAY ONE of detox and there are much less harsh medications that can be safely used to ensure you never experience this again.”
This is my story and I hope at least one person can learn from this. I’ve left out the most graphic (violet/sexual) hallucinations from this story as I don’t find it necessary to be any more vulgar that I have been but it was MUCH WORSE and I believe I’ve gotten my point across.
I am happy to answer any and all questions as my memory (blessing/curse) is very intact from the experience. I wish you all the best, please be safe!
On a positive note, today is day 12 for me!!

It feels like the cards were stacked against me from the start. My mom dated this guy off and on throughout high school, her senior year he cheated on her, and to get back at him she decided to sleep with his best friend, who would become my dad. My mom and dad were horrible drug addicts, my mom would take whatever she was given and dissappear for days at a time, days she has no memories of. I dont know everything she did, but she said she was a step away from heroin. My dad I think played in a band, and the only other thing I know for certain is that his nickname was Chunk. I don't even know his real name.
My mom was 18 when she found out she was pregnant with me, and the moment she found out, she quit all the drugs she was doing cold-turkey and asked my dad to quit the hard drugs. He refused, so she left him. She was ready to throw away her life with a guy she didn't even love for my sake, ill always appreciate her for that. After I was born, she only continued cigarettes and weed. The first two years of my life was an adjustment for her, she still liked partying and I vaguely remember a few boyfriends she brought around.
When I was 2 she met this guy named Rob, who was a bit older and worked in a factory and had his own house(trailer). Seeing as i was 2, as i got older my memories werent great and i just assumed he was my dad. Nobody bothered to correct me when i called him "daddy". He seemed like a great guy, and he was the only one willing to step up for me. At least, that's what my mom thought. See, my mom grew up in a very, very abusive family, so when Rob started getting on me more, punishing and grounding me more, and giving "tough love", she thought it was normal. Then Kindergarten.
This is the first distinct memory I have of him doing something too far. I got signed up for football in Kindergarten, and I went to every meet, bought my jersey, everyone in my family was so excited, especially Rob. That was, until, I got kicked off the football team for being "too big". I was pretty overweight, to be fair, and I've always been tall (I'm 6'4'' in my adult life) so they wanted me to play with the 4th graders. I didn't know a lick about football and those kids were at least twice my size. They took me off the team, and as punishment I was made to run laps around the trailer. I did this until I threw up.
Eventually they got married and had my little sister. This is were it gets worse. He ADORED my sister, she could do no wrong. He gradually transformed into the most stereotypical corporal parent you could think of. He was bald with a goatee, like Heinsenberg actually, and had a massive beer gut, and he sat in the Lay-Z-Boy all day. He started coming down on me harder, neglecting me more and more. The only consolation I had during all of this was my grandpa.
See, my Grandpa was a troubled soul. He suffered from addiction, alcoholism, and paranoid schizophrenia. He wasn't my real grandpa, he was my mom's mom's husband, but he's the only person in my life who I feel showed me true, unconditional love. He was abusive, but when I was born my mom refused to bring him around. He cleaned up his act really fast when nobody even asked him to, and everyone in my family attests that I was the reason he became a better man. My memories of him are of a fun, optimistic, rock n roll hippie.
He showed me music I actually liked, not just pop-country and rap like Rob. He introduced me to Led Zepplin, Pink Floyd, Bob Dylan, Queen, and his favorite, The Beatles. He bought me my first guitar, my first drumset, my first BB gun. He lived in a double wide in the middle of the woods, because he was a bigtime drug dealer. In my adult life I found out he had a mattress full of money and ties to the mob.
Things with Rob got worse after my sister started to talk. She'd cause all kinds of trouble, and blame me. I'd get beat on and sent to bed without dinner. She used to sleep in my parents bed every night. I asked once, one night, if I could just sleep on the floor in their room with everyone and Rob yelled at me all the way back to my room, beat me with a belt, and locked me in the dark. He'd mock me for being bad at sports, mock me for reading. I loved superman as a kid, he was my hero. I had a little plastic toy I'd carry around a lot, even as a 10yo. One day he said "Let's see if Superman flies" and threw it into a field. I never found it again.
Eventually my sister wanted to start coming to my grandpas with me, but I think my mom understood that was my place for my time with my Grandpa, and told her no. Until she asked my dad. I think my Grandpa also knew, so one day he pulled me aside and told me "I love all my grandchildren equally, but you're the one who made me a grandpa, and you're special to me." In retrospect I always wondered why my mom let Rob get away with so much, so I asked her and she said she met Rob at a drug deal, and that they were doing meth all the way up until my sister was born, where my Mom stopped, but not Rob. Thats why I was sent to my papaw's every weekend. They'd go to the city and buy meth.
Like I mentioned, my Grandpa was a drug dealer. However, he had a strict code, he refused to sell anything that would kill someone. So in the late 2000s before weed became mainstream, all the addicts in the area had moved up to pills, opiods, and heroin. My grandpas business was failing, he was losing money, and he slipped back into drinking. My last memory of him was him drunk in the living room, I must've been 9 or 10, screaming at my grandma about something. She was yelling back and I cried out for both of them to stop it. My grandpa angrily threw a dishrag at me. It didn't hurt physically, it was just a rag, but emotionally i was devastated. I think he was too. I could see the immediate regret in his eyes.
My Grandma rushed me back home after that. My grandpa ended up moving in with his son, of his own choice, my grandma wanted him to stay in the house. A few days later his son found him hanging from the ceiling. I know he left a note, and i know at least my mom has read it, and he did mention me. I don't know what he said, I've never even seen the note, and I don't know if I want to. I blame myself. Without his support, my mom couldn't stay with Rob any longer. They got into an argument over me one time, and afterwards I went to my mom and apologized that they were fighting over me. My mom said that was the second she knew she had to leave.
They divorced when I was 11 and it was messy. I never questioned why I didn't have to go to court meetings with my little brother and sister, or why all Robs girlfriends would shoot me dirty glances, but eventually he met this girl who didn't want someone else's kid around, I guess. One day, I must've been about 12 at this point, my mom took me for a drive and explained everything. Rob didn't want to see me anymore, he wasn't my real dad, my real dad would rather be off doing drugs, and my Grandpa had committed suicide and abandoned me too.
Before this I was a loud, annoying kid who was hyperactive and was told I talk too much all the time. I didn't know it at the time but I have ADHD. I didn't question why none of the kids I invited showed up to my 8th birthday party, or why everyone had solid groups while I just floated around, I just didn't care, I was in my own world. This car ride was when that kid died.
After hearing all of this, I told my mom "Okay." It was the start of my gradual shift into my shell of silence and one word responses. To just add the meanest insult to the worst injury, 12 years old is just a shitty age to be. The school bullying became much more targeted than "You're gay" or "You're stupid". And the newly shy nerdy fat kid with no real friends was the biggest target in their crosshair. Everyone says that they got bullied, but I think I was straight up harassed. I was picked on by the fucking gym teacher ffs. "Those kids'll stop calling you Big Mac if you shed some pounds!". I fell into a group of similar people, and we called ourselves the Outcasts, lol.
I was tired of being bullied, so I chopped my hair into bangs, dyed it black, and started wearing all black. I'd blast scary music and was just a prick to everyone. In 8th grade my friends and I had a falling out and the only friend I had left was the only kid more emo than me. It was easily my low-point. I was getting into playground spats, telling everyone I was gonna kms because I'm unloved, I even threatened to bring a gun to school to a group of kids bullying me. By freshman year it seemed everyone was more focused on helping themselves than putting other people down, but I hadn't got the memo. I had also hit puberty and shot up to, like I said, 6'4'', and shifted from an interest in Emo to an interest in Punk Rock. I had a bright blue undercut, a patched up denim vest, all my jeans were torn, and all my clothes from Goodwill. People were scared of me, even other emo kids. It doesn't help that my best, and only, friend started wearing a trench coat. I was cringy, I was weird, but people stopped bullying me.
In sophomore year I met a girl, and we had the cheesiest, most movie-like romance you could have. Punk bad boy and soft indie girl. Every show or movie or book I read with coming of age romance hits all the boxes our relationship had. Of course, my incessant negativity, along with some fratbro, caused me to lose her. We're friends now, but at the time it felt like the only person in the world I had found that was actually capable of loving me had left me for a douchebag. (Side note, he was a total douche and put her into a situation that caused her to be raped. A group of kids I used to skate with ended up jumping him later).
After finishing high school, I went to college where I met a group of people I fit right into. I actually more or less formed the group. We played music, walked around the city, and just hung out. I had a few flings in college but I eventually met my most recent ex. I won't tell our whole story but once again, dumped for my negativity. I also dropped out after one semester. From there, I tried being more positive, but socially I can either be a dick or be silent, I'm just not sure how to be nice without being creepy or weird or being rejected again which I just can't handle. I feel broken, misshapen, I'm 22 now and it's been years since I've been in a relationship. My friends barely talk to me anymore, they're all starting families, getting married, moving away. I'm cleaning shit off of toilets in the middle of the night at a casino. I don't think I'm a bad person, I do charity work, activism, and I do genuinely care about things and people. I could never intentionally hurt someone or something, I'm a vegetarian. Ive been told i have a gentle giant personality and that I'd be a good teacher or therapist (i know this seems contradictory with everything I've said so far, but I think i can just explain things in ways people can understand). Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person in the world who knows true pain and suffering, other times I feel like I have no right to complain, that my problems are all and only my fault, that I should be grateful I even have a mom, even if she did trade her addictions in for uber-Christianity and married another abusive man. I just want to feel loved, genuinely loved by someone.

Hello and welcome to Day 15 of the April Recovery Challenge, we're halfway through the month already!! How are you?
Wishing you peace and success for today :)

Today's check in:

What are three things you are grateful for?
​

Bonus exercise: Monday Mood Booster

Today's bonus exercise is to find a way to be silly and make yourself (and others) laugh!
Life sucks sometimes, there’s no getting around it. We might as well try to laugh when and where we can! Here are some ideas of harmless ways to be silly and make ourselves laugh :) (most taken taken from here). If you're wondering what this has to do with recovery, it has everything to do with recovery! Laughter can reduce physical pain and emotional distress, it eases the symptoms of depression and helps us not take ourselves too seriously. Laughter really is a powerful medicine! :)
Here are some ideas of ways to be silly and make yourself (and others) laugh

• tell a corny joke
• write a silly note to someone
• do a silly walk around your home
• play a silly game with a pet
• leave weird post-it notes around your home (“I know what you did”, “I’m watching you”) and wait for people’s reactions
• Convince a friend that you can talk to animals and then have long conversations with your pet in front of them.
• Send someone random unexplained gifts, like a pair of used socks or a half-eaten sandwich.
• Put googly eyes on random items in your house when no one is looking.
• Pretend to be asleep when someone tries to talk to you; when they come to wake you, scream and scare them.
• Text your friend at 10 pm telling them you lost your phone, is it at their place.
• Start a conversation with someone and then randomly start singing or rapping
• Act like you’re on a reality T.V. show, wear a small lapel mic, and start talking to the camera whenever you’re alone.
• Make up a ridiculous back story and stick to it no matter what.
• Pretend to make a phone call while on public transport and loudly pretend to split up with your partner, and spell out why in embarrassing detail
• Walk down the stairs like you are wearing ski boots.
• Carry around a toy microphone and sing into it
• Walk around with a personal fan and use it whenever someone talks to you
• Dress as a pirate and go about your normal day saying things like “landlubber,” “me hearty’s,” “arrrghh,” and “there be land” in an English accent.
• Get a friend to run up to you in the street screaming in the excitement that you are a famous Youtuber and they want your autograph.
• Stick some toilet paper to your shoe and walk around like normal.
• Talk to inanimate objects as if they’re real people.
• Make a fort out of blankets and pillows and spend the day inside it
• Pretend to be a character from your kids’ favorite book and stay in character all day
• Speak only in rhyme for the rest of the day
• Act like you’re a spy and share top secret information by whispering
• Dress up in costumes and act out scenes from your favorite movie
• Sing all of your words instead of speaking them
• Hide in a closet and jump out when someone walks by
• Speak in a different accent every time you talk.
• Start clapping whenever someone says something.
• Raise your hand whenever you want to talk, and start with “excuse me, Miss/Sir.”
• Randomly burst into song in the middle of a conversation
• Do a dramatic reading of a grocery list.
• Make up a theme song for yourself and sing it whenever anyone talks to you.
• Make up elaborate handshakes
• Give yourself a silly nickname and only respond to that name
• Speak in a British accent; if you are British, talk with an American accent.

​
WHAT IF I HAVE A SLIP DURING THE CHALLENGE?
if you have a slip and want to turn it into a recovery learning opportunity, here are some questions: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ZhdjmzEVA6UTCNAEU53xn9LuN8TOfLbl/edit
(you don't have to post your answers if you don't want to, but I do recommend writing or typing them out somewhere)
HOW CAN I GET A REMINDER TO CHECK IN TOMORROW?
Copy/paste the following text into your comment to get a reminder from Reddit:
RemindMe!
next day's post https://new.reddit.com/BingeEatingDisordecomments/1c5e7zx/april_recovery_challenge_day_16_check_in/

Again, this is not my personal picks but an overall selection by judging Talent, Quality of Work and Sales/Popularity combined. The 2000's was very interesting and drastically different from the 90's. For the first time the genre became mainstream on a widescale. There were mainstream hits in the 90's from El General, Big Boy, Vico C and Lisa M, but the music remained mostly underground. Beginning in 2002, the major record companies (Sony, Universal, Emi, Atlantic, WEA etc...) bought up almost every significant label and artist in Reggaeton and Hip Hop en Español. Up until recently this was the most successful era in the history of Reggaeton and Spanish Rap, but then Bad Bunny sold 5 million of 'Un Verano Sin Ti' and Karol G sold out stadiums. Still, to most fans, only because the underground of the 90's remains obscure to many, this was the true Golden Age (I only agree up until circa 2006/07 but stemming from 1994... to me that's the true Golden Era).

1. Daddy Yankee - This is obvious. He not only made great music with pretty much every album he released from this decade becoming a classic over time (El Cartel de Yankee II, ElCangri. com, Los Home-runes, Barrio Fino, The Big Boss and Talento de Barrio). Then his classic featuring and appearances on albums like "Mas Flow 1", "Mas Flow 2", "Guatauba 3", "Blin Blin", "Los Benjamins", "Babilonia", "Sonando Diferente", "Motivando La Yal" etc... On top of that he was the first to make record breaking sales in venues and albums. The first to get big endorsements from major companies. He made a movie that was #1 in several Latin American countries and made like $10 million dollars on a $1 million dollar budget. He did go a little too commercial at the end of the decade which caused a vocal fanbase of the Latin Hip Hop audience to turn on him, but you still can't deny his achievements. He was completely on point even when they said he was off.
2. Wisin & Yandel - Wisin & Yandel are the most successful Reggaeton duo in history. They were a phenomenon and even bigger than Enrique Iglesias at one point in time. Their classic album "Pal Mundo" is one of the most celebrated works in recorded Latin Music. They had so many freakin' hits in this decade. And they started with an album called "Los Reyes Del Nuevo Milenio" which proved to be prophetic. Maybe Wisin didn't always show off his lyrical abilities and neglected his impressive skills as an MC, but they made you dance and sing along which is the point of it all.
3. Tego Calderon - At his best, Tego is like a prophet giving a voice to the voiceless that come from an underserved part of the world speaking out against the injustices and crimes against humanity unlike anyone before or after. But he can make a really good perreo too. That second part gave him the chart topping success he needed to spread his message abroad. "El Abayarde" is the perfect Urbano album that not even the Canserbero fans who hate Daddy Yankee and W&Y can deny. And every other Tego album from this decade is also a classic from El Enemy De Los Guasibiri to El Abayarde Contraataca and especially the underappreciated "The Underdog".
4. Violadores Del Verso - The greatest lyricists of the era were a phenomenon in Latin America packing venues across Spain and South America. They are one of the most renown Spanish Rap acts of all time. "Vivir Para Contarlo" is possibly the most acclaimed Urbano work to ever come out of Spain (except besides maybe "Motomami"). Sho-Hai and Lirico are two of the greatest MCs ever to hold the mic, but Kase.O on tracks like "Pura Droga Sin Cortar" shows why he is still considered the best MC in Español alive today.
5. Vico C - Vico transcended generations and barriers. The 2000's were actually a more successful time period for him than in the 90's. His best selling album is "Desahogo" from 2005 selling over 200 thousand units worldwide. He made up for all his lost time in the 90's even making new fans like Bad Bunny citing him among his biggest influences because of the music he made during this era. Vico became more popular than ever during this time.
6. Hector & Tito - Whether as a duo or solo artists, Hector El Father and Tito El Bambino just dominated the 2000's. They put out dozens of hit songs and several classic albums during this time period. As a duo they were the first to win a Billboard Latin Music award for Best Rap Album with the masterpiece "A La Reconquista". Then when they went solo, they reached new stratospheres with Tito going on to even perform at The White House for President Obama thanks to his smash hit "El Amor". Meanwhile Hector El Father's solo works were among the most transcending and notable of the era including hits like "Noches De Travesuras", "El Telefono" feat. Wisin & Yandel, "Here We Go" feat. Jay Z, "Hola Bebe" feat. Jowell & Randy and so many more... Hector is now one of the most sampled Latino artists of all-time.
7. Don Omar - Don Omar nicknamed himself "The Hitmaker" and with good reason. It was practically nonstop from "Dale Don Dale" forward, he just knows how to make hits. "The Last Don" is a seminal work of Spanish Hip Hop and Reggaeton. He brought a unique flavor at a time where Reggaeton singers were not known for their singing abilities nor being able to make crossover Pop Ballads. Don Omar helped change all that but he can still take it back to the roots with hits like "Bandoleros" feat. Tego Calderon and the Battle Rap Reggaeton "Sacala" with Hector El Father, Wisin & Yandel.
8. Nach - I don't know if Nach ever charted on Billboard but he has headlined stadiums in Latin America and Spain. When "Poesia Difusa" came out, Nach was considered the best "pure" rapper in the world even over Tego Calderon. His songs that contain a great message with much intelligence but an incredible flow plus a unique cadence reached such a widespread audience throughout Spain and Latin America.. He is as pure of a lyricist that there can be and never compromised his artistic integrity for commercial success. Nach is an immortal figure in the history of Spanish Rap.
9. Luny Tunes - The biggest hitmakers of all time, possibly in all of Latin Music, not just Urbano. You have Mas Flow 1, Mas Flow 2, Los Benjamins. Albums lesser known by the mainstream but loved by Reggaeton purists like "La Trayectoria", "Blin Blin", "Los Matadores Del Genero" and "Desafio". Then when you consider they produced "Barrio Fino", "The Last Don", and "Pal Mundo" 3 of the biggest selling and most acclaimed Reggaeton albums of all time, that alone is worth the mention.
10. Eddie Dee - Thanks to 'Los 12 Discipulos' and its hit single of the same title, Eddie Dee became a household name in the Reggateon community. Not just that he co-wrote "Gasolina" and "Rompe" with Daddy Yankee. He also wrote hits for several other artists including Tito El Bambino, Alexis & Fido, Johnny Prez, Zion, among others... He is the reason we got "El Abayarde" as he rediscovered Tego, signed him and brought Calderon to White Lion. He also brought Predikador to Puerto Rico. "El Diario" still remains the most anticipated album in all of Urbano Latino besides the long awaited "Mas Flow 3". Eddie is known for being different from most Reggaetoneros and not relying solely on "Perreo" or "Club Songs". Eddie brings diverse content with deep underlying social themes and romantic lyrics.

Honorable Mention: Tempo, Baby Rasta & Gringo, Ivy Queen, Calle 13, Mala Rodriguez, Zion & Lennox and Arcangel & De La Ghetto.
my personal Top 5: 1. Tempo (for what he did in 2000-2002 before getting locked up and the classic Free Tempo in 2009) 2. Tego 3. Eddie. 4. Baby Rasta y Gringo 5. Yankee
Edits: Gramatical errors corrected, references and Zion y Lennox added.

I need help coming up with a hatsu for this guy. He’s an emitter who leans towards enhancement, also He’s a famous music hunter, who is venturing to the dark continent to find the original song writer of the world, nature. Due to the dark continent being the primordial origin for humans and most things he wants to see what kinda of song could the nature inspire him to make.
Personality -He’s a free spirit, a hippie you could say in few words, tends to get loud and sing/rap randomly

• He can get tunnel vision due to him being stubborn and focusing on minor details, not this big picture
  
• He has misophonia, a strong reaction to different sounds, he may react well to good vibrations or he can lose his shit from hearing something terrible
  
• He has a okay sense of right and wrong, but he isn’t manipulated easily
  

-Loves nature to due it being the original song writer

• He end his sentences with a yah! And gives nicknames to people he just meets because he forgets their names if he even hears it, most nicknames he gives are simple.