I want to lose weight and my ribs stick out
Beginner Fitness
2013.05.10 01:38 DarkSareon Beginner Fitness
A safe and open space for Redditors to post their questions and thoughts about fitness training.
2015.03.10 22:08 THUMB5UP 1500 kCals A Day!
A sub about eating on 1500 calories total per day.
2010.07.29 14:53 mindspread loseit - Lose the Fat
A place for people of all sizes to discuss healthy and sustainable methods of weight loss. Whether you need to lose 2 lbs or 400 lbs, you are welcome here!
2024.05.16 07:52 tequilamockingbiird I’m going to miss you
I’ll miss running my hands through your hair I’ll miss seeing your RAV4 pulling up on my street I’ll miss passionately making out with you I’ll miss being so insanely excited to see you after being 2/3 days apart I’ll miss packing up and taking the kitties down to yours I’ll miss making dinner with you I’ll miss listening to mixes with you I’ll miss our desert adventures I’ll miss rubbing and scratching your back I’ll miss squeezing your nipples I’ll miss our insanely long phone conversations I’ll miss baby house & North Lake Tahoe I’ll miss clipping your toenails I’ll miss spanking your butt I’ll miss driving in the car with you I’ll miss listening to significance lover & dancing in our seats I’ll miss our Burning Man prep I’ll miss showering with you I’ll miss washing and scrubbing your hair I’ll miss seeing your hats resting on top of the lamp on your bedside stand I’ll miss being the first to wake and prepping your coffee I’ll miss your pep talks I’ll miss your notes & cards I’ll miss sipping boba tea with you I’ll miss you making dinner in sexy underwater and heels I’ll miss sharing intimate moments on the dance floor I’ll miss walking around museums with you I’ll miss streaming series with you I’ll miss you snuggling up as the little spoon every night & every morning I’ll miss sharing new mixes/ music with you I’ll miss bathing you & scrubbing your back I’ll miss taking you out for sushi & a movie I’ll miss our intimate and passionate sex I’ll miss asking you to listen to/ critique my music I’ll miss taking you out on surprise day trips I’ll miss picking flowers for you and placing them in your hair
You and I just got off the phone. A lengthy conversation which did not go the direction I was hoping. I fantasized that we would come back together after this last go. To hold one another. To look in each others eyes. To kiss and say that everything is going to be alright. We’ve been here before. We’re no stranger to conflict. But what I appreciated about us was that we always come back together and we love even harder than before.
More than anything, I wanted to make this work with you. I’m not going to lie. This is going to be one of the hardest, most challenging experiences I’ve ever endured. Every love is different, I know. But I’ve never loved anyone like I love you.
The weight of the above memories has just now pulled me under and into the depths. I miss you more now than when thousands of miles separated us. Now that you’re gone it’s as if these memories are sharp enough to cut through skin & bone.
I will forever love you G. I wish.. more than anything, that we could have made it. Because we were a fucking VIBE.
submitted by tequilamockingbiird to BreakUps [link] [comments]
You and I just got off the phone. A lengthy conversation which did not go the direction I was hoping. I fantasized that we would come back together after this last go. To hold one another. To look in each others eyes. To kiss and say that everything is going to be alright. We’ve been here before. We’re no stranger to conflict. But what I appreciated about us was that we always come back together and we love even harder than before.
More than anything, I wanted to make this work with you. I’m not going to lie. This is going to be one of the hardest, most challenging experiences I’ve ever endured. Every love is different, I know. But I’ve never loved anyone like I love you.
The weight of the above memories has just now pulled me under and into the depths. I miss you more now than when thousands of miles separated us. Now that you’re gone it’s as if these memories are sharp enough to cut through skin & bone.
I will forever love you G. I wish.. more than anything, that we could have made it. Because we were a fucking VIBE.
2024.05.16 07:51 nicwiggy Breaking Unwanted NC
Have you ever been in a position where your LO was never someone you knew, never someone you interacted with, maybe they showed serious signs they wanted to at least engage in conversation with you like move down an entire train car to be right next to you?
Maybe you were a new father, struggling with the fact that you hated the partner you had a kid with before they were even born, felt the mutual vibe with LO but couldn't do anything about it even just say hello, as it would ruin your entire life?
Maybe your LO disappeared for months, and you used the time to try to fix yourself and your existing relationship, but your significant other refused to do anything meaningful to contribute? So you doubled down on LO even though you hadn't seen them in months?
And then out of nowhere, bam, there's LO AGAIN!? A week later, a SECOND TIME, three weeks after that, a THIRD? And you know what they say about three, it's perfect, it is completion, it is a confirmation of a pattern.
But then LO does this super scripted ass shit of having a boy on the phone, and "my supervisor gave me a [reference]" for some other job. So you smile and sincerely ask, "how was your day?" And she says, "it was great, and now I'm seeing my boyfriend!", so you say "that's really awesome, he sounds great" and give the most genuine smile like I really hope you're telling the truth and you have the best boyfriend in the fucking world because you deserve nothing less than that. And she moves over to the other seat because of "the sun" (even though the sun is more intense on the other side?)
Then she's speaking some other language entirely and you think damn I probably should have learned more Chinese or picked a different dialect of Chinese because I'd actually understand what the fuck is being said right now 🙈🤣
Then she's almost sulkingly moving forward on the platform of her town as if it even hurt her a tiny bit to play out these scenes.
I kept a bright smile on my face the entire time breaking this unwanted NC, dude. I was not prepared at all to break this shit, but it was the first time in a year where I was like I don't give a fuck anymore, I'm not sitting in limbo anymore. Maybe she was expecting I'd get mad or jealous or some dumb shit but I just didn't. I couldn't. This was the first time in my life I saw a complex and flawed (severely flawed) human being instead of some deity when it comes to her and I'm even more hooked than before. She's even more beautiful and flawed as a human being than the LO version of her in my daydreams.
So now my only mission is to grow. I'll become beyond proficient with finances, I'll double down with vanity and lose weight, gain muscle mass, do everything that I can personally do to become the best version of me so that even if she never shows up again I am just the best version of me I can be. I'm hoping that if she ever does show up again, she is so astounded with what I've built myself up to thanks to my limerence over her and my jealousy for a fictitious boyfriend or arch nemesis or whatever lol
It pissed me off the train waited 10x as long to begin moving like c'mon I'm too old to make suicidal threats or gestures, I even joked in the past the commuter train has too good of brakes to ever jump in front of I'd need a fuckin freight train if I was at that level again 💀 thankfully I'm nowhere near, I am in my selfish villain era and I will get what I want, meaning I will become irresistible
submitted by nicwiggy to limerence [link] [comments]
Maybe you were a new father, struggling with the fact that you hated the partner you had a kid with before they were even born, felt the mutual vibe with LO but couldn't do anything about it even just say hello, as it would ruin your entire life?
Maybe your LO disappeared for months, and you used the time to try to fix yourself and your existing relationship, but your significant other refused to do anything meaningful to contribute? So you doubled down on LO even though you hadn't seen them in months?
And then out of nowhere, bam, there's LO AGAIN!? A week later, a SECOND TIME, three weeks after that, a THIRD? And you know what they say about three, it's perfect, it is completion, it is a confirmation of a pattern.
But then LO does this super scripted ass shit of having a boy on the phone, and "my supervisor gave me a [reference]" for some other job. So you smile and sincerely ask, "how was your day?" And she says, "it was great, and now I'm seeing my boyfriend!", so you say "that's really awesome, he sounds great" and give the most genuine smile like I really hope you're telling the truth and you have the best boyfriend in the fucking world because you deserve nothing less than that. And she moves over to the other seat because of "the sun" (even though the sun is more intense on the other side?)
Then she's speaking some other language entirely and you think damn I probably should have learned more Chinese or picked a different dialect of Chinese because I'd actually understand what the fuck is being said right now 🙈🤣
Then she's almost sulkingly moving forward on the platform of her town as if it even hurt her a tiny bit to play out these scenes.
I kept a bright smile on my face the entire time breaking this unwanted NC, dude. I was not prepared at all to break this shit, but it was the first time in a year where I was like I don't give a fuck anymore, I'm not sitting in limbo anymore. Maybe she was expecting I'd get mad or jealous or some dumb shit but I just didn't. I couldn't. This was the first time in my life I saw a complex and flawed (severely flawed) human being instead of some deity when it comes to her and I'm even more hooked than before. She's even more beautiful and flawed as a human being than the LO version of her in my daydreams.
So now my only mission is to grow. I'll become beyond proficient with finances, I'll double down with vanity and lose weight, gain muscle mass, do everything that I can personally do to become the best version of me so that even if she never shows up again I am just the best version of me I can be. I'm hoping that if she ever does show up again, she is so astounded with what I've built myself up to thanks to my limerence over her and my jealousy for a fictitious boyfriend or arch nemesis or whatever lol
It pissed me off the train waited 10x as long to begin moving like c'mon I'm too old to make suicidal threats or gestures, I even joked in the past the commuter train has too good of brakes to ever jump in front of I'd need a fuckin freight train if I was at that level again 💀 thankfully I'm nowhere near, I am in my selfish villain era and I will get what I want, meaning I will become irresistible
2024.05.16 07:50 MightySpy Part 1 - The journey of a shinigami to understand himself.
In this I will discuss what I think is the ultimate goal of a shinigami is and how he achieves it.
The journey of a shinigami can be divided into two major stages:-
This is the point from where every shinigami starts his journey.
At the starting of his journey the shinigami gets an asauchi, in which slowly he imprints a part of his soul which later becomes the catalyst to bring forth the shinigami’s inner power.
Now, even though the spirit is ultimately part of the shinigami, they do not “understand & trust” each other yet, completely. Shinigami deepens the bond by calling out the spirit while “commanding” it and saying its “name”. Thus the shinigami learns to use some of his power. That is “Shikai”.
“Commands” basically represent the “nature & power” of the spirit and therefore saying the “command” followed by the “name” releases their power.
At this stage the bond between the spirit and the owner is deeper than before but still they dont trust each other, most likely happens when the user is not true to himself yet the spirit gives him power to protect himself and continue the journey that he desires.
{Like Japanese culture - the first step of the friendship starts with calling the last name.}
Blade is Me
The next and most important journey of a shinigami. At this stage the shinigami has come to understand that the spirit is part of them and eventually he starts to trust and accept it and same goes for the spirit it starts to trust the owner.
{Once again like the Japanese culture, as the friendship grows, people start to call each other by their first name since the bond/trust between them has increased.}
Now while this looks like the end of a shinigami’s journey, it isn't.
To understand this we need to ask few questions first:-
So now that the shinigami has understood the blade is me, then the question comes: Why does his spirit reside somewhere else? Why does he still have to use a “separate” tool? What if he loses my zanpakuto? What if someone controls his zanpakuto? (eg: Pepe)
Also while the “Bankai” of a shinigami keeps growing stronger as his understanding increases but ultimately it gets capped. So, what’s next?
This is where the next two steps within the blade is me comes that is:-
While the spirit & the owner already understand each other, the zanpakuto becomes a limit to how much power they can use.
Ultimately the zanpakuto, while in perfect sync with the owner's soul, is still a secondary object. Therefore the amount of reiatsu that can flow from the shinigami’s body into the sword is still limited. Thus by merging with it the shinigami increases the threshold of his power.
Conclusion - The Blade
The ultimate understanding of one’s power. This is the point where the journey of the shinigami comes to an end. There is nothing “natural” beyond it.
Once again the shinigami questions himself, if the spirit is me, the power is me, then why do I still have to depend on a “tool” even if it’s a part of me, can’t I use my powers in a more "natural" way?
Why not become the blade itself? The power is me, The spirit is me, and the “Blade is Me”.
When the shinigami understands and archives this stage he gets complete freedom to use his power however he wants, He can now manifest the “blade” (his power) from himself, his body itself acts like a zanpakuto. And thus the shinigami achieves complete understanding of his power & himself.
Thank You for reading this far, do share your feedback if I missed something, and what are your overall thoughts on this, what points you differ with in case you have a different interpretation.
Part 2 sneak peek - What kind of power Dangai & FGT Ichigo had? What kind of power Aizen has? - Did they not achieve “blade is me”? Was it a "False blade is me” just like Renji’s “False Bankai”?
submitted by MightySpy to bleach [link] [comments]
The journey of a shinigami can be divided into two major stages:-
- Blade and Me - Starting
- Blade is Me - Ending
- The Blade - Conclusion
This is the point from where every shinigami starts his journey.
At the starting of his journey the shinigami gets an asauchi, in which slowly he imprints a part of his soul which later becomes the catalyst to bring forth the shinigami’s inner power.
Now, even though the spirit is ultimately part of the shinigami, they do not “understand & trust” each other yet, completely. Shinigami deepens the bond by calling out the spirit while “commanding” it and saying its “name”. Thus the shinigami learns to use some of his power. That is “Shikai”.
- Shikai
“Commands” basically represent the “nature & power” of the spirit and therefore saying the “command” followed by the “name” releases their power.
- The False Bankai
At this stage the bond between the spirit and the owner is deeper than before but still they dont trust each other, most likely happens when the user is not true to himself yet the spirit gives him power to protect himself and continue the journey that he desires.
{Like Japanese culture - the first step of the friendship starts with calling the last name.}
Blade is Me
The next and most important journey of a shinigami. At this stage the shinigami has come to understand that the spirit is part of them and eventually he starts to trust and accept it and same goes for the spirit it starts to trust the owner.
- True Bankai
{Once again like the Japanese culture, as the friendship grows, people start to call each other by their first name since the bond/trust between them has increased.}
Now while this looks like the end of a shinigami’s journey, it isn't.
To understand this we need to ask few questions first:-
So now that the shinigami has understood the blade is me, then the question comes: Why does his spirit reside somewhere else? Why does he still have to use a “separate” tool? What if he loses my zanpakuto? What if someone controls his zanpakuto? (eg: Pepe)
Also while the “Bankai” of a shinigami keeps growing stronger as his understanding increases but ultimately it gets capped. So, what’s next?
This is where the next two steps within the blade is me comes that is:-
- Fusion with the zanpakuto.
While the spirit & the owner already understand each other, the zanpakuto becomes a limit to how much power they can use.
Ultimately the zanpakuto, while in perfect sync with the owner's soul, is still a secondary object. Therefore the amount of reiatsu that can flow from the shinigami’s body into the sword is still limited. Thus by merging with it the shinigami increases the threshold of his power.
Conclusion - The Blade
The ultimate understanding of one’s power. This is the point where the journey of the shinigami comes to an end. There is nothing “natural” beyond it.
Once again the shinigami questions himself, if the spirit is me, the power is me, then why do I still have to depend on a “tool” even if it’s a part of me, can’t I use my powers in a more "natural" way?
Why not become the blade itself? The power is me, The spirit is me, and the “Blade is Me”.
When the shinigami understands and archives this stage he gets complete freedom to use his power however he wants, He can now manifest the “blade” (his power) from himself, his body itself acts like a zanpakuto. And thus the shinigami achieves complete understanding of his power & himself.
Thank You for reading this far, do share your feedback if I missed something, and what are your overall thoughts on this, what points you differ with in case you have a different interpretation.
Part 2 sneak peek - What kind of power Dangai & FGT Ichigo had? What kind of power Aizen has? - Did they not achieve “blade is me”? Was it a "False blade is me” just like Renji’s “False Bankai”?
2024.05.16 07:50 Reezhx OPW2, Garmin, Polar,...
Hi, Ive never owned any smartwatch but want to change this now. However, the options are overwhelming to me. I am unsure if I should go with wearOS (In that case I think itbwill be OnePlus), or a more fitness oriented watch like the forerunner series from garmin, or coros, or polar.
I do a lot of weight lifting and want some tracking in that area. I also highly appreciate sleep and stress tracking. And I prefer that as much as possible of this is automated. E.g. Ive heard that for garming watches, you have to manually enter sleep times, and if you go earlielater to bed, the app has some annoying habits? That would be a huge no no from me personally, I want my smartwatch to automatically detect whether I'm sleeping or not. Ideally same with working out. I also want to get more into running, but haven't commited to it yet. Another thing I want is some controls on my watch for spotify, and some settings for notifications. I also want to be able to replace the band/strap.
Any suggestions for what I should be looking foprioritizing? Thankss!:)
submitted by Reezhx to Garmin [link] [comments]
I do a lot of weight lifting and want some tracking in that area. I also highly appreciate sleep and stress tracking. And I prefer that as much as possible of this is automated. E.g. Ive heard that for garming watches, you have to manually enter sleep times, and if you go earlielater to bed, the app has some annoying habits? That would be a huge no no from me personally, I want my smartwatch to automatically detect whether I'm sleeping or not. Ideally same with working out. I also want to get more into running, but haven't commited to it yet. Another thing I want is some controls on my watch for spotify, and some settings for notifications. I also want to be able to replace the band/strap.
Any suggestions for what I should be looking foprioritizing? Thankss!:)
2024.05.16 07:50 IShouldDie2000 Move back into mansion?
I really want to join the royal family, and I decided to take a peek at the Royal Chambers. I was very disappointed… I bought a mansion and I’m aware that I’m going to lose it if I join them, but am I at least able to buy it back? Do I HAVE to live in the Royal chamber? It looks so cluttered, and empty at the same time. I tried putting furniture in and it barely made a difference. In fact it just looked weird. I don’t even care about flower planting so the indoor garden attached to the room isn’t interesting for me. My mansion had a gramophone, a separate room for kids that looked nice, pink beds, an actual kitchen, and I checked out another mansion that had a grand piano in it. This is ridiculous. The mansions are far better for a royal family.
submitted by IShouldDie2000 to WorldNeverland [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 07:49 scaredandworried1994 need to lose weight rapidly for a operation
Hi, i'm needing a pretty big surgery soon (brain surgery actually ) to remove a tumour thats wrapped around the 8th cranial nerve)
i have put on a good 40lbs due to steroids , cravings and being bed bound pretty much...now im stuck at the point of needing to lose the weight to get on with my treatment of chemo and radiation
what is the best way to lose weight fast (apparent from calorie counting) do u think keto or paleo is better ? i'm pretty much bedbound now and now get the chance to walk out and fo exercise
i dont mind doing drastic things becase im about to go through a drastic surgery ...i just really need to lose this weight within 2 months time...my weight is 345lbs and im 6ft female
any advice ?
submitted by scaredandworried1994 to loseit [link] [comments]
i have put on a good 40lbs due to steroids , cravings and being bed bound pretty much...now im stuck at the point of needing to lose the weight to get on with my treatment of chemo and radiation
what is the best way to lose weight fast (apparent from calorie counting) do u think keto or paleo is better ? i'm pretty much bedbound now and now get the chance to walk out and fo exercise
i dont mind doing drastic things becase im about to go through a drastic surgery ...i just really need to lose this weight within 2 months time...my weight is 345lbs and im 6ft female
any advice ?
2024.05.16 07:49 Reezhx OPW2, Garmin, Polar...
Hi, Ive never owned any smartwatch but want to change this now. However, the options are overwhelming to me. I am unsure if I should go with wearOS (In that case I think itbwill be OnePlus), or a more fitness oriented watch like the forerunner series from garmin, or coros, or polar.
I do a lot of weight lifting and want some tracking in that area. I also highly appreciate sleep and stress tracking. And I prefer that as much as possible of this is automated. E.g. Ive heard that for garming watches, you have to manually enter sleep times, and if you go earlielater to bed, the app has some annoying habits? That would be a huge no no from me personally, I want my smartwatch to automatically detect whether I'm sleeping or not. Ideally same with working out. I also want to get more into running, but haven't commited to it yet. Another thing I want is some controls on my watch for spotify, and some settings for notifications. I also want to be able to replace the band/strap.
Any suggestions for what I should be looking foprioritizing? Thankss!:)
submitted by Reezhx to smartwatch [link] [comments]
I do a lot of weight lifting and want some tracking in that area. I also highly appreciate sleep and stress tracking. And I prefer that as much as possible of this is automated. E.g. Ive heard that for garming watches, you have to manually enter sleep times, and if you go earlielater to bed, the app has some annoying habits? That would be a huge no no from me personally, I want my smartwatch to automatically detect whether I'm sleeping or not. Ideally same with working out. I also want to get more into running, but haven't commited to it yet. Another thing I want is some controls on my watch for spotify, and some settings for notifications. I also want to be able to replace the band/strap.
Any suggestions for what I should be looking foprioritizing? Thankss!:)
2024.05.16 07:48 cherry_sum1969 Calories burned?
Hi all, i know that pretty much everything vastly overestimates calories burned for x amount of exercise, but im having trouble figuring out my tdee. Im 5’5 and 132lb, and i work 35hrs a week at a fast food job which involves quite a lot of moving around. In addition to this i do home workouts and walks/runs outside 1-3 times a week. would i be considered moderate or heavily active? I dont want to set too low of a deficit and end up binging and/or losing muscle but also want to lose a couple of pounds of fat
submitted by cherry_sum1969 to CICO [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 07:48 Adorable-Pickle-2577 Learning to live with autoimmune diseases & conditions
I have Hashimoto’s disease and hypothyroidism. I haven’t felt like myself for the last year. At first I thought I just had a lot going on in my life but after 5 months nothing had gotten better. I was so extremely exhausted and became antisocial (when at 1 time I was a social butterfly). I lost a lot of my hair. I didn’t know how to describe in a way other could understand and how I truly didn’t feel like myself and that I’m just existing. I don’t believe I’m depressed because I’m not sad. I was first diagnosed with hypothyroidism by my general doctor about 6 months ago. Then on prescription vitamin D (to take once a week) and synthroid levothyroxine; since then I have gained a significant amount of weight. I finally got in to the endocrinologist… found out along with hypothyroidism and hashimoto’s that I’m insulin resistant. They also tested me for cushings. So not I’m on b12, vitamin d, metformin, and synthroid 75mcg. I have lost 5 pounds in a month. I don’t have my next appointment for another month or 2. What can I do to feel like myself again and stop this brain fog? Have any of you experienced something similar? Did metformin help you lose weight, and what else can I do to lose weight? Are these things genetic?!
submitted by Adorable-Pickle-2577 to Hashimotos [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 07:48 dalhaze Does conditioner dry your hair out?
It seems like conditioner helps in the short term but can dry your hair out in the long term.
I just got a new unit and i’m going to really try to be nice to this one. It currently currently has that really slick silicon coating on it and i want to see if i can preserve it a few weeks by rarely shampooing.
My plan is:
I’ve been using the tressemme silk and smoothly as a leave in which many people say works well, but even small amounts weight the hair down and i swear it drys the hair out in the long term.
Does anyone have thoughts?
submitted by dalhaze to HairSystem [link] [comments]
I just got a new unit and i’m going to really try to be nice to this one. It currently currently has that really slick silicon coating on it and i want to see if i can preserve it a few weeks by rarely shampooing.
My plan is:
- Minimize leave in conditioner so the hair doesn’t get too coated and weighed down
- And i’ll minimize my need for conditioner by shampooing only once per 7-10 days. And i’ll minimize my need for shampoo by not using very much product.
- Rinse hair with distilled water every 2-3 days (days i work out). Thinking i’ll be really sparse with conditioner, Like a dime every 2-3 days.
I’ve been using the tressemme silk and smoothly as a leave in which many people say works well, but even small amounts weight the hair down and i swear it drys the hair out in the long term.
Does anyone have thoughts?
2024.05.16 07:44 avenauser Mini pixel Astrophotography guide
 | Be preparedI don't want to spend too much time explaining this point because I think it's already the most discussed and known one: you must have a tripod to stand the phone in a good position and point the subject you want to capture (landscape, milky way), also, it's highly recommended to use Stellarium to find easily when the moon is out the sky, where the milky way is, when it's visible, etc, etc. you have also look for a day with clear sky, no fog, no clouds, no light pollution.Don't touch manual controlsThis could be caused by my device model (Pixel 7), but as soon I touch any of the available controls (brightness, shadows, white balance) the others lose their auto balance, Astrophotography mode automatically handles those controls great. There are situations in which you can't get the results of the default mode by changing the manual controls, take this example when I set the white balance at maximum, see how the result I got has a mediocre white balance:Default White Balance set to max Also, I did the test changing only the exposure and the white balance got terrible, it seems when you touch any of the manual controls, even when the others seem to be auto, they are not. Avoid RAWI engage you to do the test, but when using RAW mode you lose most of the default post-processing magic that your Pixel does, the quality is worse and less detailed, here you have the comparison:Raw vs Default Practice your editing skillsThis could appear irrelevant but it's in the end one of the most important things, you don't necessarily have to use Lightroom, you can use the integrated editor on Google Photos or Snapseed, they are great for simple edits, don't be afraid and play with the contrast, brightness, tint, wb, saturation, see others work as reference, watch to youtube tutorials. Now if you want to go a step further I would recommend you use Lightroom, especially if you have some landscape, it makes it easier to edit each part of the photo differently.Here you have how I quickly edited the previous photo: Edited |
2024.05.16 07:42 askingforadvice333 I’m 20 and don’t rly wanna live anymore
First post in ages, deleted this, but I’m back to get this off. I just turned 20 a couple months ago, have good friends, decent job, loving family, but my life has been rough for 6 years now, I’ve lost many friends , have gone through depression, agony even, best friend got with my ex and I told him it’s ok then stopped being friends with me, broke up with the girl I loved (different then that one my friend got together with) , got back together , crashed my car, broke up again and for good, she then totally abused me for months afterwords by doing everything she can to hurt me, still dealing with that, watched my best friend at the time crash into and kill someone , I saw all the aftermath and it was scarring , and more recently I have a legal thing going on and it’s totally effecting my life, and it’s for something I didn’t even do, it will pass over and things will go back to normal because I didn’t do anything but it will take time and until then my life is drastically effected and I’m spending lots of money on a lawyer, I’ve had so many bad things happen to me, and I just want to give up
Out of all those things the heartbreak of losing my girl was the worst, it was over a year and a half ago and I still think about her all the time, I loved her with all my heart and wanted to marry her. No girl after her makes me feel the same and now I hate talking to other girls because I’ve talked to countless girls and they just aren’t her. I know I’m young , and have friends and family, but I’ve gone though so much already and I’m just done. My best friend is about to move away in a couple months too. I don’t want to do this anymore. I just want it to all go away and to sleep forever. If anyone has advice I’d like to hear it. But I feel the way I do for a reason.
submitted by askingforadvice333 to offmychest [link] [comments]
Out of all those things the heartbreak of losing my girl was the worst, it was over a year and a half ago and I still think about her all the time, I loved her with all my heart and wanted to marry her. No girl after her makes me feel the same and now I hate talking to other girls because I’ve talked to countless girls and they just aren’t her. I know I’m young , and have friends and family, but I’ve gone though so much already and I’m just done. My best friend is about to move away in a couple months too. I don’t want to do this anymore. I just want it to all go away and to sleep forever. If anyone has advice I’d like to hear it. But I feel the way I do for a reason.
2024.05.16 07:42 Grand-Big-3114 Mega Swerte VIP – Your Ultimate Guide: How to Play Scatter Wins in the Philippines 2024
 | submitted by Grand-Big-3114 to u/Grand-Big-3114 [link] [comments] megaswertevip.com IntroductionWelcome to your ultimate guide on how to play Scatter Wins in Mega Swerte VIP! If you're looking to maximize your gaming experience and increase your chances of winning, this guide is for you. Scatter Wins, a popular feature in many slot games, offers exciting gameplay and significant rewards. In this comprehensive guide, we'll cover everything you need to know to become a Scatter Wins pro. 🎰💸Table of ContentsWhat is Mega Swerte VIP?Understanding Scatter Wins What are Scatter Symbols? How Scatter Wins Work Getting Started with Mega Swerte VIP Creating an Account Navigating the Platform How to Play Scatter Wins Game Rules Winning Combinations Payout Structure Tips for Winning at Scatter Wins Betting Strategies Managing Your Bankroll Leveraging Bonuses and Promotions Advanced Strategies for Scatter Wins Analyzing Game Patterns Using Statistical Analysis Common Mistakes to Avoid FAQs about Scatter Wins Conclusion 📷 What is Mega Swerte VIP?Mega Swerte VIP is an online gaming platform that offers a variety of slot games, including those featuring Scatter Wins. Known for its user-friendly interface and diverse game selection, Mega Swerte VIP provides players with a premium gaming experience.Mega Swerte VIP stands out in the crowded online gaming market due to its commitment to quality and player satisfaction. The platform offers an extensive library of games, each designed with vibrant graphics and immersive sound effects that enhance the gaming experience. Whether you are a novice or a seasoned player, Mega Swerte VIP caters to all skill levels with games ranging from simple, classic slots to more complex, multi-featured games. Additionally, the platform is continuously updated with new games and features, ensuring that players always have fresh content to enjoy. Furthermore, Mega Swerte VIP is known for its generous bonuses and promotions, which can significantly boost your bankroll and extend your gameplay. New players are often greeted with welcome bonuses, while regular players can take advantage of reload bonuses, free spins, and other promotions. The platform also emphasizes security and fairness, using advanced encryption technologies to protect player data and ensuring all games are tested for fairness. With its excellent customer support and robust community, Mega Swerte VIP offers a comprehensive and enjoyable online gaming experience for all its users. 📷 Understanding Scatter WinsWhat are Scatter Symbols?Scatter symbols are special icons in slot games that trigger various bonuses and free spins when a specific number of them appear anywhere on the reels. Unlike regular symbols that need to align on a payline to generate a win, scatter symbols can appear in any position and still result in a payout or activate a bonus feature. This unique characteristic makes scatter symbols particularly valuable and exciting for players, as they increase the chances of winning without the constraints of paylines.In many slot games, landing three or more scatter symbols can activate a range of bonus features such as free spins, mini-games, or multipliers, which can significantly boost your winnings. The exact number of scatter symbols required and the bonuses they trigger can vary from one game to another, but the general principle remains the same: the more scatter symbols you land, the better the rewards. This adds an extra layer of excitement and anticipation to the gameplay, as players eagerly watch the reels spin, hoping for scatter symbols to appear. How Scatter Wins WorkScatter Wins are triggered when you land a specific number of scatter symbols anywhere on the reels, regardless of their position. This is one of the unique features that set scatter symbols apart from other symbols in slot games, which typically need to align on a payline to count towards a win. When you land the required number of scatter symbols, various bonuses and rewards are activated, adding an extra layer of excitement to the game.The more scatter symbols you land, the greater the potential rewards. For instance, landing three scatter symbols might grant you a set number of free spins, allowing you to spin the reels without using your own credits. If you land four scatter symbols, you might receive not only free spins but also multipliers that increase the value of your winnings. In some games, landing five scatter symbols can trigger the highest rewards, such as massive multipliers, extended free spins, or even jackpots. These rewards can significantly boost your overall winnings and make the game more thrilling and rewarding. Getting Started with Mega Swerte VIPCreating an AccountTo play Scatter Wins on Mega Swerte VIP, you need to create an account:
Navigating the Platform
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2024.05.16 07:42 TackoftheEndless The older I get, the more I love the episode "Breezy" and it's wonderful lesson about the importance of genuine love.
People often thought I was joking or being a contrarian when I say Breezy is one of my top 10 episodes of the entire series but I meant it. It's also one of my favorite pieces of western animation ever.
Season 6 is my favorite season of Adventure Time. It's weird, it's philosophical, and most importantly it let its characters deal with issues that we never really saw in a serious limelight before. Like depression, loneliness, and betrayal. The older I get the more I vibe with it because it's so much more "grown up" than anything before. That also leads into why I love Breezy as much as I do.
When I was 18 I thought this episode was boring. It involved Finn going around kissing a bunch of ladies then a cop out ending where he gets his arm back at the end, when they been building up him losing it since season 5. That's what the young me thought.
When I rewatched the episode again at 24, and had lived a little more, I suddenly saw a different episode. I saw an episode where Finn : After suffering from great loss, trauma, and deep loneliness tries to use physical connections to fill a void in his heart. It suddenly made sense because I had been there before.
Love in the Darkness is one of my favorite adventure time songs, on the same level as I Remember You. Seeing Finn remember what it was to just love someone for the sake of loving them, not to fill a void, not wanting a physical connection, just being unafraid to fill joy in his heart because of someone he thinks the world of was a beautiful moment.
Seeing him get out his slump and get his arm back because he found a way to make himself whole again and allowing himself to move on from his father, with love restored to his heart is one of my favorite endings to any episode of any show.
I feel this episode deserves revisiting and I'm glad it's gotten new discussion in its favor. I think now that the Fandom has aged a bit and they learned to appreciate this episode more like I learned to.
submitted by TackoftheEndless to adventuretime [link] [comments]
Season 6 is my favorite season of Adventure Time. It's weird, it's philosophical, and most importantly it let its characters deal with issues that we never really saw in a serious limelight before. Like depression, loneliness, and betrayal. The older I get the more I vibe with it because it's so much more "grown up" than anything before. That also leads into why I love Breezy as much as I do.
When I was 18 I thought this episode was boring. It involved Finn going around kissing a bunch of ladies then a cop out ending where he gets his arm back at the end, when they been building up him losing it since season 5. That's what the young me thought.
When I rewatched the episode again at 24, and had lived a little more, I suddenly saw a different episode. I saw an episode where Finn : After suffering from great loss, trauma, and deep loneliness tries to use physical connections to fill a void in his heart. It suddenly made sense because I had been there before.
Love in the Darkness is one of my favorite adventure time songs, on the same level as I Remember You. Seeing Finn remember what it was to just love someone for the sake of loving them, not to fill a void, not wanting a physical connection, just being unafraid to fill joy in his heart because of someone he thinks the world of was a beautiful moment.
Seeing him get out his slump and get his arm back because he found a way to make himself whole again and allowing himself to move on from his father, with love restored to his heart is one of my favorite endings to any episode of any show.
I feel this episode deserves revisiting and I'm glad it's gotten new discussion in its favor. I think now that the Fandom has aged a bit and they learned to appreciate this episode more like I learned to.
2024.05.16 07:41 Start_over_dude I’m not sure what to do after losing my mom.
I (36m) lost my mom not long ago, just this past February. She had been chronically ill for a while, but never imagined it was life threatening. Inconvenient, poor quality of life, but not terminal. She started taking ill about 5 years ago in mid 2019, and since I had quit my previous full time job to go back to college I too care of her pretty much full time in addition to school and a part time job at Walmart. My dad travels too much to be able to help and my slightly younger brother left the house upon getting a job out of state. So I didn’t really complain about taking care of her. My mom and I were always super close,so I was glad to. It wasn’t even like I had a girlfriend at the time to have to split attention with. My last relationship ended pretty amicably, but I just didn’t have the self confidence to try again. This went on for the rest of 2019, and it was a pretty soothing routine, she could mostly help herself most days, but she had pretty major fatigue from time to time unpredictably. We imagined she’d get better eventually. I graduated at the end of 2019 and applied to jobs with that in mind. Then Covid hit and somehow she ended up getting worse. She never told me what she was ill with, if she even knew, she distrusted doctors except for vaccines and acute injury care. I still cared for her as best I could, she still had good days and bad so it wasn’t a burden. I even managed to get an okay job that let me work remotely thanks to my degree. It was a little stressful, but mostly sedentary, the occasional run to get food or something. During that time I was pretty glad to be not dating. It carried on like that all through the pandemic and I found myself becoming somewhat of a hermit, just working and taking care of my mom, keeping her company since my dad/her husband still needed to travel for work even if it was less. I naturally put on weight, picked up bad eating habits, resumed my gaming habit and that kind of thing.
And then she died. I assume it was peaceful since it was in her sleep.
Now I’m just alone. Dad, despite his best efforts was never wired to be especially emotionally intelligent or available. My brother, god bless him, has a fiancée and responsibilities across the country. And I’m just here. Fat. Alone. No real self esteem to speak of(not to disparage fat people or anything, I’m all about body positivity. For thee, anyway).
I don’t know how to rebuild myself. I’ve never been especially social. This whole thing has made it worse. I’ve always had negative self talk, but being able to give and care for someone helped quiet the inner monologue. But now the most important person in my life is gone, and I feel like the past five years were simultaneously the best and worst years of my life.
While I’m sure I’m grieving still in some way, I’m glad my mom isn’t trapped in her body anymore. So this far out, not that it’s that far, I’m not shattered or wracked with grief over my mom. I miss her every single day. But I understand that she wasn’t living her best life. And I’d rather she go on to a better place than be trapped. So I’m not destroyed anymore. I was. I cried and was unable to get out of bed for a week. And I’m sure I deliriously talked to her during that time too. But that passed.
Now I just feel aimless. I work. I sleep. I eat poorly. I want to get back into life but I don’t know how anymore.
Hell. I don’t even know how to close this post out. Ask for advice? Ask for support? Just put it out there and not give a shit? I can’t think of anything witty. So that’s the deal. Yeah. Sorry for the rambling.
submitted by Start_over_dude to offmychest [link] [comments]
And then she died. I assume it was peaceful since it was in her sleep.
Now I’m just alone. Dad, despite his best efforts was never wired to be especially emotionally intelligent or available. My brother, god bless him, has a fiancée and responsibilities across the country. And I’m just here. Fat. Alone. No real self esteem to speak of(not to disparage fat people or anything, I’m all about body positivity. For thee, anyway).
I don’t know how to rebuild myself. I’ve never been especially social. This whole thing has made it worse. I’ve always had negative self talk, but being able to give and care for someone helped quiet the inner monologue. But now the most important person in my life is gone, and I feel like the past five years were simultaneously the best and worst years of my life.
While I’m sure I’m grieving still in some way, I’m glad my mom isn’t trapped in her body anymore. So this far out, not that it’s that far, I’m not shattered or wracked with grief over my mom. I miss her every single day. But I understand that she wasn’t living her best life. And I’d rather she go on to a better place than be trapped. So I’m not destroyed anymore. I was. I cried and was unable to get out of bed for a week. And I’m sure I deliriously talked to her during that time too. But that passed.
Now I just feel aimless. I work. I sleep. I eat poorly. I want to get back into life but I don’t know how anymore.
Hell. I don’t even know how to close this post out. Ask for advice? Ask for support? Just put it out there and not give a shit? I can’t think of anything witty. So that’s the deal. Yeah. Sorry for the rambling.
2024.05.16 07:41 TheEssenceThatFlows Introverted girls, how long do you need to recharge during very stressful life events?
I’ve done quite a bit of research but I’d like to get a more specific idea. I’m in this relationship (long distance for now) with an introverted girl (I’m a guy), I am myself introverted but inevitably find myself craving to talk to her as much as possible whereas I’m usually very quiet and like to be alone quite often.
She told me very early on how she was as well when I hadn’t heard from her in like 10 days (we’re also set to work on a project together in person, so I’m going over there next month and will finally have in person time with her) and she explained that she got exhausted from socializing, even with close friends she’s had for years, and she would then have to deal with very low moods where she’d check out and had to deal with it alone and it was not out of anger or anything.
I’m super grateful to her because aside from very long, passionate emails, and recently texting, we skype for three to four hours usually weekly, or once every two weeks if she’s particularly busy and it’s always so joyful, full of laughter and connection. I’m also surprised by how personal and vulnerable she gets, more and moreso, and myself too when I never usually do and bottle my feelings up.
Anyway, long story short, last time we spoke (11 days ago, long skype), she told me how stressed she was, how hectic the last weeks had been (flu, new job) and it was clear the low mood was fast approaching. She’d not only started a new job (that requires a lot of socializing, even if she really likes it and the people working there) but found out that there was a working visa issue that she was unaware of (panic mode) which meant she had to urgently deal with the embassy over there (and she hates that kind of stuff), but it being the weekend, she had to wait, she was nervous about losing her new job, possibly being kicked out of the country, having to possibly get a new passport too.
She’d said we could see each other Thursday of last week, so the week after we skyped, but I haven’t heard from her since which is really unusual as she always shows up, even when I know that her giving me that much time to skype is time away from her (and I let her know I don’t take it for granted). I know deep down she must be facing a shitstorm (and needless to say, that some of her important holiday plans will be ruined without a working visa and passport as well) and needs her space to deal with it, so I’ve limited myself to four texts checking in on her over a week and a half.
I don’t know if she read them but needless to say, it’s some of the longest amount of time I’ve gone so far without hearing from her and I’m really worried about her but I don’t want to add to her stress, appear needy and crossing a line. So fellow introverted girls especially, how long do you usually need on your own when life gets chaotic and does your SO checking in every so often help? Does it help knowing they’re here if you need them?
submitted by TheEssenceThatFlows to introverts [link] [comments]
She told me very early on how she was as well when I hadn’t heard from her in like 10 days (we’re also set to work on a project together in person, so I’m going over there next month and will finally have in person time with her) and she explained that she got exhausted from socializing, even with close friends she’s had for years, and she would then have to deal with very low moods where she’d check out and had to deal with it alone and it was not out of anger or anything.
I’m super grateful to her because aside from very long, passionate emails, and recently texting, we skype for three to four hours usually weekly, or once every two weeks if she’s particularly busy and it’s always so joyful, full of laughter and connection. I’m also surprised by how personal and vulnerable she gets, more and moreso, and myself too when I never usually do and bottle my feelings up.
Anyway, long story short, last time we spoke (11 days ago, long skype), she told me how stressed she was, how hectic the last weeks had been (flu, new job) and it was clear the low mood was fast approaching. She’d not only started a new job (that requires a lot of socializing, even if she really likes it and the people working there) but found out that there was a working visa issue that she was unaware of (panic mode) which meant she had to urgently deal with the embassy over there (and she hates that kind of stuff), but it being the weekend, she had to wait, she was nervous about losing her new job, possibly being kicked out of the country, having to possibly get a new passport too.
She’d said we could see each other Thursday of last week, so the week after we skyped, but I haven’t heard from her since which is really unusual as she always shows up, even when I know that her giving me that much time to skype is time away from her (and I let her know I don’t take it for granted). I know deep down she must be facing a shitstorm (and needless to say, that some of her important holiday plans will be ruined without a working visa and passport as well) and needs her space to deal with it, so I’ve limited myself to four texts checking in on her over a week and a half.
I don’t know if she read them but needless to say, it’s some of the longest amount of time I’ve gone so far without hearing from her and I’m really worried about her but I don’t want to add to her stress, appear needy and crossing a line. So fellow introverted girls especially, how long do you usually need on your own when life gets chaotic and does your SO checking in every so often help? Does it help knowing they’re here if you need them?
2024.05.16 07:40 Suitable-Custard3155 Grief and intimacy
I F(32) am going through life trying to navigate my grief. I lost my baby and my partner M(32) and I aren’t on good terms. We live together but we haven’t been talking and we haven’t been intimate since a little before his passing. It’s been challenging going through this pain of losing a child and not having my partners support. We’ve been grieving alone. Long story short we’ve have some bad arguments since his passing and a lot of guilt and blaming each other is what has caused this silent treatment from his part. But I’ve looked past all of this and have accepted that we couldn’t control what happened and that we need to find a way to try and move forgive and move forward for our toddlers sake. Anyways, I’ve been giving him space and trying to just take things day by day and being patient. Lately he’s been a bit more calm and not so angry. Of course I miss him, I haven’t been able to kiss or really even hug him since everything happened. I don’t want to lose my family. It’s hard grieving and not having the one persons support that you need. Lately I’ve just been working on myself and trying to focus on my toddler. I realized I can’t control his actions but I can control mine. I want to become a better mom and partner so that’s been my goal. I started working out, and cut my hair, also listening to more podcasts to motivate myself and learn to live with this pain. So I’ve gotten to the point where I miss my partner so much, and I’ve been wanting to have some cuddles, kisses and possibly sex but I can’t find any way to approach this without getting rejected or might it be too pushy to even try to persue this now? He’s been a lot calmer around the house lately and he doesn’t know I found out that he was watching porn a few nights ago. I’m sure he’s masturbating when I leave the house. I know my partner and he’s always been a very sexual guy. So noticing that he’s been seeking some release makes me want to try and see if we can maybe have some intimacy, even if it’s just kissing and hugging. Any advice on how to approach this? Or has anyone encountered a situation like this
TL;DR! - I haven’t been intimate with my partner since our son’s passing. He won’t talk to me and we’ve been on bad terms but I caught him watching porn and I’ve been wanting some affection, how do I approach this?
submitted by Suitable-Custard3155 to relationships [link] [comments]
TL;DR! - I haven’t been intimate with my partner since our son’s passing. He won’t talk to me and we’ve been on bad terms but I caught him watching porn and I’ve been wanting some affection, how do I approach this?
2024.05.16 07:38 carrottbunn Does he see me as a sister in Christ or is he interested?
Ok so I (19F) rlly like this guy (20M) we’ve known each other for about half a year now, but got a lot closer three months ago when I started training for my first ever half marathon with him.
For some context, we are both sophomores in the same church. He used to be a huge red flag, doesn’t have the best reputation bc he was known to be a big partier and flirted w tons of girls while having a girlfriend. After breaking up and also a revelation about his spiritual journey, he changed a lot. Now he doesn’t really talk to girls at all, he’s very devoted to church, classes, and especially physical health (he’s huge on weight lifting and running). So I first started getting to know him through sophomore dinners (three guys + me). And that’s when I got inspired to attempt a half marathon. Since then, this past quarter (three months ago) we’ve started running together every Saturday (with one other guy too who is also training w us) but not together together in that he runs his own pace and I run mines. He also reached out a couple times to workout tgt, but it all seems very friendly cause he would joke he doesn’t know how to talk to girls and then call me a bro. Earlier this quarter we also had a conversation about relationships in the church and he actually literally said that he felt like God was calling him to be single for the rest of his life. His reasoning was that he doesn’t feel a strong desire to be in a relationship in the moment, like he doesn’t feel like he needs one. That should be one big sign he doesn’t like me. He also directly told his friends that he isn’t looking for anything right now and doesn’t like me.
However it’s confusing cause I actually got injured a couple weeks ago into my half marathon training. And the day I was in the most pain and the day I didn’t have any access to ice cause it was super late into the night, he went all the way to seven eleven and delivered ice to me along with his massage gun. That’s when I started liking him. Since then he’d continue initiating working out but not extremely proactive either, we do see each other at least three times a week including church sophomore dinner and long run.
Two weeks ago however, during sophomore dinner the topic of relationships came up, and another guy was asking me how girls would like to be approached or how a guy should express his interest in a girl. He responded to this question by stating first study together, then get a meal, then talk about the relationship ship. He also said he’d be very proactive . Then things get interesting cause he continues to say you have to be sacrificially nice to them saying that if they’re sick you have to make food for them, he also said that it would be best to have a weekly activity you can do with them so that you don’t have to always intentionally be setting things up to see them. He also said that you have to push and pull. Tell me I’m crazy but I feel like these are the things he’s been doing to me. And part of me is afraid I’m being manipulated with his tactics bc he may very well just be bored and as the only girl he’s talked to since freshman yr it seems likely. However he also does not seem like the type of person to do that, cause he changed a lot since then.
I don’t know what to do. Should I confess my feelings and hear directly from him what his intentions are so that I can set boundaries from these misleading actions. Or should I just let it be, and not risk ruining a friendship potentially, because I also don’t want to make things awkward and weird for the sophomore class.
submitted by carrottbunn to dating_advice [link] [comments]
For some context, we are both sophomores in the same church. He used to be a huge red flag, doesn’t have the best reputation bc he was known to be a big partier and flirted w tons of girls while having a girlfriend. After breaking up and also a revelation about his spiritual journey, he changed a lot. Now he doesn’t really talk to girls at all, he’s very devoted to church, classes, and especially physical health (he’s huge on weight lifting and running). So I first started getting to know him through sophomore dinners (three guys + me). And that’s when I got inspired to attempt a half marathon. Since then, this past quarter (three months ago) we’ve started running together every Saturday (with one other guy too who is also training w us) but not together together in that he runs his own pace and I run mines. He also reached out a couple times to workout tgt, but it all seems very friendly cause he would joke he doesn’t know how to talk to girls and then call me a bro. Earlier this quarter we also had a conversation about relationships in the church and he actually literally said that he felt like God was calling him to be single for the rest of his life. His reasoning was that he doesn’t feel a strong desire to be in a relationship in the moment, like he doesn’t feel like he needs one. That should be one big sign he doesn’t like me. He also directly told his friends that he isn’t looking for anything right now and doesn’t like me.
However it’s confusing cause I actually got injured a couple weeks ago into my half marathon training. And the day I was in the most pain and the day I didn’t have any access to ice cause it was super late into the night, he went all the way to seven eleven and delivered ice to me along with his massage gun. That’s when I started liking him. Since then he’d continue initiating working out but not extremely proactive either, we do see each other at least three times a week including church sophomore dinner and long run.
Two weeks ago however, during sophomore dinner the topic of relationships came up, and another guy was asking me how girls would like to be approached or how a guy should express his interest in a girl. He responded to this question by stating first study together, then get a meal, then talk about the relationship ship. He also said he’d be very proactive . Then things get interesting cause he continues to say you have to be sacrificially nice to them saying that if they’re sick you have to make food for them, he also said that it would be best to have a weekly activity you can do with them so that you don’t have to always intentionally be setting things up to see them. He also said that you have to push and pull. Tell me I’m crazy but I feel like these are the things he’s been doing to me. And part of me is afraid I’m being manipulated with his tactics bc he may very well just be bored and as the only girl he’s talked to since freshman yr it seems likely. However he also does not seem like the type of person to do that, cause he changed a lot since then.
I don’t know what to do. Should I confess my feelings and hear directly from him what his intentions are so that I can set boundaries from these misleading actions. Or should I just let it be, and not risk ruining a friendship potentially, because I also don’t want to make things awkward and weird for the sophomore class.
2024.05.16 07:37 MaenNHijazi Conflicted and confused - Overthinking the future
So, here's where I'm at in life.
I'm 23 and blessed to be in a wonderful relationship, holding down a solid job, and actively planning my future. But lately, I've been feeling like I'm living in the future rather than the present, if that makes any sense. I catch myself daydreaming about what's ahead. It excites me and scares the shit out of me at the same time.
I've made a big decision to switch jobs, moving from a large international Company to a smaller one with the same pay. Why? Because this new opportunity aligns with my dreams of starting my own business. Going on the fact that they said they will give me time and help me open my own company. It's a risk, but one I'm willing to take.
However, there's more on my plate. There's the expectation to get engaged by the end of this year and tie the knot by 2025. The thought of all the responsibilities and financial burdens that come with these milestones overwhelms me. It's not that I don't want to move forward, but sometimes it feels like I'm suffocating under the weight of it all. (Don't worry, Alhamdulilah I'm not entertaining any harmful/suicidal thoughts.)
Adding to the pressure is the cultural expectation that, as the Arab male in the relationship, I should shoulder the financial burden. I'm okay with that notion, and I want to provide the best for my partner, but just thinking about it makes my heart race and leaves me feeling breathless.
I know my current salary won't cover everything—rent, wedding expenses, you name it. So, I'm banking on the success of my future business to secure a more comfortable financial position. It's a gamble, but it's my best shot.
I wish I could consider postponing the engagement and wedding, but for various reasons, that's not an option right now.
submitted by MaenNHijazi to selfimprovement [link] [comments]
I'm 23 and blessed to be in a wonderful relationship, holding down a solid job, and actively planning my future. But lately, I've been feeling like I'm living in the future rather than the present, if that makes any sense. I catch myself daydreaming about what's ahead. It excites me and scares the shit out of me at the same time.
I've made a big decision to switch jobs, moving from a large international Company to a smaller one with the same pay. Why? Because this new opportunity aligns with my dreams of starting my own business. Going on the fact that they said they will give me time and help me open my own company. It's a risk, but one I'm willing to take.
However, there's more on my plate. There's the expectation to get engaged by the end of this year and tie the knot by 2025. The thought of all the responsibilities and financial burdens that come with these milestones overwhelms me. It's not that I don't want to move forward, but sometimes it feels like I'm suffocating under the weight of it all. (Don't worry, Alhamdulilah I'm not entertaining any harmful/suicidal thoughts.)
Adding to the pressure is the cultural expectation that, as the Arab male in the relationship, I should shoulder the financial burden. I'm okay with that notion, and I want to provide the best for my partner, but just thinking about it makes my heart race and leaves me feeling breathless.
I know my current salary won't cover everything—rent, wedding expenses, you name it. So, I'm banking on the success of my future business to secure a more comfortable financial position. It's a gamble, but it's my best shot.
I wish I could consider postponing the engagement and wedding, but for various reasons, that's not an option right now.
2024.05.16 07:36 VonBagel Killer Concept: The Avarice
This one is actually fairly simple, I promise. In fact, this killer was born because I saw a comment in the main DBD sub that said only three of the 36 available killers were listed as "easy," so I decided to challenge myself to make one that could also be rated as "easy," with a simple power.
I've been struggling with figuring out how to do an idea I've wanted to make for a while, a killer whose touch was the most dangerous thing about them; I have in my mind the image of a killer who only has to put a single finger against a prop to break it, owing to some cursed touch they have. I went the route of decay and rot for a while, thinking up stuff a la Phage the Untouchable from MtG, then I pondered tapping into a really niche hit with Quachil Uttaus, the Treader in the Dust, a minor eldritch entity from the Cthulhu Mythos, but that one will likely be saved for a more complex take on the same idea. Don't yell at me when I basically post the same killer twice, but one with more bells and whistles.
I eventually settled on a gender-reversed take on King Midas, as I also have a sore lack of female killers in my fanmade roster (I have more genderless nightmare monsters than women). I believe in unhinged lady's rights, and so from that comes the Avarice. I only have a rough grasp on her overall appearance, but I know her left arm has been dramatically altered; her skin is solid gold, but not in a beautiful, elegant way; it's more like she dipped her arm in a molten vat and pulled it back out before it could fully incinerate her. Body horror as Entity thorns and spines jut from below the flesh, the thorns also transmuted into gold. Her body is run through by veins that pulse precious metal throughout her form. Gemstones grow like tumors and warts on her corrupt arm and rarely across her body, including one on the back of her left hand which looks more like an eye than anything else. Her left eye has been completely replaced by a bloody gemstone.
Despite what appears to be a grievous and horrid transformation, she has an air of playfulness in what she does. Her wall-breaking animation is her spinning her hand around before giving the wall a single, gentle poke with a single finger. She gently flicks generators to damage them. Her pallet break animation is grabbing the thing and sinking her fingers into it, letting her power shatter it. About the only thing that isn't playful is her stun animation, in which she's absolutely furious, where she growls and hisses, the sound joined by a chorus from the living jewelry she wears. Whenever she interacts destructively with a prop, veins of corrupt gold and silver boil across the surface she's touching until it breaks.
110% speed. 32 meter terror radius. Medium height (Pig height)
--Power: Gilded Transmutation. Pressing the ability button causes the Avarice to hold her cursed hand forward and begin to laugh. She laughs continuously for the 8 seconds she remains in her 'transmutation stance,' signaling all nearby survivors that the power is in play. While Transmutation is active, the Avarice moves 5% faster, and she can end the ability early to perform a special lunging attack which follows the logic of a normal M1 lunge. If she strikes a dropped pallet or breakable wall with the lunge, the impediment is destroyed after 0.80 seconds by her curse.
Upon striking a survivor, that survivor gains their sprint burst as if they had been damaged, and is afflicted with Golden Death. After 60 seconds pass, if the survivor is reduced to the dying state through any means, or if the survivor is struck with Gilded Transmutation a second time, the survivor is wracked with pain and screams as golden tendrils slither across their bodies and engulf them until they're a Gilt Statue. 7 seconds after becoming a statue, sacrifice progress begins as if the survivor had been hooked. If the survivor was on top of a prop, inside a locker, mid-vault, in midair, or otherwise not in contact with the ground when their timer ran out, the survivor staggers towards the nearest empty patch of ground that is at least 2 meters from any interactible props before transforming.
Anti-camp measures affect survivors transmuted gilt statues; they can break free of the transmutation at any stage if the Avarice spends too long within 16 meters of them. A survivor that dies from the transmutation is claimed by the Entity and pulled into the ground. Another survivor can free a transmuted survivor by taking 3 seconds to pull at the gruesome metal enough to free the trapped victim's limbs, after which they free themselves.
After hitting a survivor with Gilded Transmutation, the Avarice is slowed by 30% and cannot attack for 2.5 seconds as she giggles to herself. If she hits a pallet or wall, she is slowed by 15% and cannot attack for 1.5 seconds as she brushes wood scraps off her hand. If she impacts terrain or obstacles with her lunge, or misses completely, she is slowed by 20% and cannot attack for 2 seconds as she rages impotently. Gilded Transmutation has a cooldown of 35 seconds.
--Passive: Golden Rings. Four special rings mold themselves from the Fog at the beginning of the trial. Survivors can see the auras of these rings if they're within 24 meters of one, or from any distance if they're affected with Golden Death.
A survivor can stand over a ring and pick it up as if it were an item, wearing it on their right hand. A special icon pops up on their portrait (visible to other survivors, but not the killer) to show they have a ring. A survivor with a ring on has a band on their right hand which visibly glimmers every now and again when the survivor is in chase.
A survivor wearing a ring that is struck by Gilded Transmutation loses a health state, and their ring is destroyed, but they are not affected by Golden Death. A survivor affected by Golden Death who picks up a ring is locked in place for 2.5 seconds as the ring counteracts and ends the curse, then crumbles away. A survivor who is wearing a ring can slip it onto the finger of a transmuted survivor, which frees them in 0.75 seconds and destroys the ring. A ring on a survivor's finger is destroyed if they're reduced to the dying state or otherwise grabbed.
Rings take 45 seconds to respawn, and will attempt to respawn at least 32 meters from any survivor.
See? Simple! Sort of. ... Okay, this is logically probably a medium-difficulty killer, but in my head it's no more hard to grasp than Legion; you do a special lunge attack that either damages survivors (if they have a ring) or curses them (if they don't) and clears obstacles super quickly. The auto-hook mechanic returns again, as well, but this time it requires a special prop to end it early!
The primary tactics here are to either hit someone with the curse and then force them to scamper off and find a ring, which means they aren't doing gens; hit someone with the curse and then chase them for 30 seconds until the cooldown is done, then hit them again to instantly transmute them; OR hit them with the curse, then down them with two basic attacks to transmute them, using the transmutation to swiftly break obstacles in your path.
ADD-ONS
COMMON
PERKS
Ravenous Want: It doesn't matter what it is or what it does; if someone wants it, you want it more. This perk activates while you're within 8 meters of an item on the ground or a chest and remains active for 4 seconds after leaving this radius. While this perk is active, the cooldown for your successful basic attacks is reduced by 24%.
Terrifying Rage: The sound you unleash when you're pained is so shockingly inhuman that anyone nearby is filled with supernatural fear. Whenever you are stunned through any means, all survivors within 18 meters of you become incapacitated for 5 seconds. Then, Terrifying Rage goes on cooldown for 20 seconds.
ALTERNATE: Affects all survivors in your terror radius, but the cooldown is 45 seconds.
Hex: Webs of Gold: An insidious sloth twines itself over those who find themselves seduced by greed, making it hard to concentrate on what truly matters. Whenever a survivor opens a chest, sabotages a gook, picks up a non-killer item, or cleanses any totem while this Hex stands, they become cursed for 20 seconds. While cursed by this Hex, they suffer a 14% penalty to repair and healing speeds. When this Hex totem is cleansed, the survivor who cleansed it is cursed for 35 seconds.
submitted by VonBagel to PerkByDaylight [link] [comments]
I've been struggling with figuring out how to do an idea I've wanted to make for a while, a killer whose touch was the most dangerous thing about them; I have in my mind the image of a killer who only has to put a single finger against a prop to break it, owing to some cursed touch they have. I went the route of decay and rot for a while, thinking up stuff a la Phage the Untouchable from MtG, then I pondered tapping into a really niche hit with Quachil Uttaus, the Treader in the Dust, a minor eldritch entity from the Cthulhu Mythos, but that one will likely be saved for a more complex take on the same idea. Don't yell at me when I basically post the same killer twice, but one with more bells and whistles.
I eventually settled on a gender-reversed take on King Midas, as I also have a sore lack of female killers in my fanmade roster (I have more genderless nightmare monsters than women). I believe in unhinged lady's rights, and so from that comes the Avarice. I only have a rough grasp on her overall appearance, but I know her left arm has been dramatically altered; her skin is solid gold, but not in a beautiful, elegant way; it's more like she dipped her arm in a molten vat and pulled it back out before it could fully incinerate her. Body horror as Entity thorns and spines jut from below the flesh, the thorns also transmuted into gold. Her body is run through by veins that pulse precious metal throughout her form. Gemstones grow like tumors and warts on her corrupt arm and rarely across her body, including one on the back of her left hand which looks more like an eye than anything else. Her left eye has been completely replaced by a bloody gemstone.
Despite what appears to be a grievous and horrid transformation, she has an air of playfulness in what she does. Her wall-breaking animation is her spinning her hand around before giving the wall a single, gentle poke with a single finger. She gently flicks generators to damage them. Her pallet break animation is grabbing the thing and sinking her fingers into it, letting her power shatter it. About the only thing that isn't playful is her stun animation, in which she's absolutely furious, where she growls and hisses, the sound joined by a chorus from the living jewelry she wears. Whenever she interacts destructively with a prop, veins of corrupt gold and silver boil across the surface she's touching until it breaks.
--Power: Gilded Transmutation. Pressing the ability button causes the Avarice to hold her cursed hand forward and begin to laugh. She laughs continuously for the 8 seconds she remains in her 'transmutation stance,' signaling all nearby survivors that the power is in play. While Transmutation is active, the Avarice moves 5% faster, and she can end the ability early to perform a special lunging attack which follows the logic of a normal M1 lunge. If she strikes a dropped pallet or breakable wall with the lunge, the impediment is destroyed after 0.80 seconds by her curse.
Upon striking a survivor, that survivor gains their sprint burst as if they had been damaged, and is afflicted with Golden Death. After 60 seconds pass, if the survivor is reduced to the dying state through any means, or if the survivor is struck with Gilded Transmutation a second time, the survivor is wracked with pain and screams as golden tendrils slither across their bodies and engulf them until they're a Gilt Statue. 7 seconds after becoming a statue, sacrifice progress begins as if the survivor had been hooked. If the survivor was on top of a prop, inside a locker, mid-vault, in midair, or otherwise not in contact with the ground when their timer ran out, the survivor staggers towards the nearest empty patch of ground that is at least 2 meters from any interactible props before transforming.
Anti-camp measures affect survivors transmuted gilt statues; they can break free of the transmutation at any stage if the Avarice spends too long within 16 meters of them. A survivor that dies from the transmutation is claimed by the Entity and pulled into the ground. Another survivor can free a transmuted survivor by taking 3 seconds to pull at the gruesome metal enough to free the trapped victim's limbs, after which they free themselves.
After hitting a survivor with Gilded Transmutation, the Avarice is slowed by 30% and cannot attack for 2.5 seconds as she giggles to herself. If she hits a pallet or wall, she is slowed by 15% and cannot attack for 1.5 seconds as she brushes wood scraps off her hand. If she impacts terrain or obstacles with her lunge, or misses completely, she is slowed by 20% and cannot attack for 2 seconds as she rages impotently. Gilded Transmutation has a cooldown of 35 seconds.
--Passive: Golden Rings. Four special rings mold themselves from the Fog at the beginning of the trial. Survivors can see the auras of these rings if they're within 24 meters of one, or from any distance if they're affected with Golden Death.
A survivor can stand over a ring and pick it up as if it were an item, wearing it on their right hand. A special icon pops up on their portrait (visible to other survivors, but not the killer) to show they have a ring. A survivor with a ring on has a band on their right hand which visibly glimmers every now and again when the survivor is in chase.
A survivor wearing a ring that is struck by Gilded Transmutation loses a health state, and their ring is destroyed, but they are not affected by Golden Death. A survivor affected by Golden Death who picks up a ring is locked in place for 2.5 seconds as the ring counteracts and ends the curse, then crumbles away. A survivor who is wearing a ring can slip it onto the finger of a transmuted survivor, which frees them in 0.75 seconds and destroys the ring. A ring on a survivor's finger is destroyed if they're reduced to the dying state or otherwise grabbed.
Rings take 45 seconds to respawn, and will attempt to respawn at least 32 meters from any survivor.
The primary tactics here are to either hit someone with the curse and then force them to scamper off and find a ring, which means they aren't doing gens; hit someone with the curse and then chase them for 30 seconds until the cooldown is done, then hit them again to instantly transmute them; OR hit them with the curse, then down them with two basic attacks to transmute them, using the transmutation to swiftly break obstacles in your path.
COMMON
- Tarnished Silver: Golden rings respawn 5 seconds faster, and Golden Death takes 5 seconds longer to trigger. Double the bloodpoint reward for score events with Gilded Transmutation.
- Golden File: The Avarice remains in her transmutation stance for 1 additional second.
- Shattered Earrings: The Avarice moves 2% faster while in her transmutation stance.
- Cracked Sapphire: The cooldown for hitting terrain or missing Gilded Transmutation is reduced by 0.5 seconds.
- Gilt Hooks: The lunge distance of Gilded Transmutation is increased by 40%.
- Polishing Rag: Gilded Transmutation's cooldown is reduced by 4 seconds.
- Transmuted Lead: Golden Death triggers 5 seconds sooner, and the grace period is 1 second shorter.
- Twisted Necklace: The Avarice moves 4% faster while in her transmutation stance.
- Slag Pile: Golden rings take 5 more seconds to respawn and will attempt to spawn 4 meters further from survivors.
- Greed's Toll: A survivor that performs a conspicuous action within 10 seconds of being unhooked becomes affected by Golden Death.
- Gilt Scraps: The Avarice remains in her transmutation stance for 3 additional seconds.
- Gnarled Rings: The Avarice moves 6% faster while in her transmutation stance.
- Old Jewelry Box: Damaging a healthy survivor with a basic attack while they're wearing a golden ring destroys the ring.
- Perfectly-Cut Ruby: Gilded Transmutation's cooldown is reduced by 8 seconds.
- Twisted Jewelry Box: The cooldown animations for Gilded Transmutation are all 0.5 seconds shorter. Reduces the speed penalty the Avarice suffers while in her cooldown animation by 5%.
- Thorn Ring: The Avarice moves 5% faster while in her transmutation stance, and her transmutation stance lasts 3 additional seconds.
- Weight of Gilt: Whenever a survivor becomes affected by Golden Death or is fully transmuted, all other survivors within 32 meters of that survivor become incapacitated for 5 seconds.
- Appraisal Lens: Survivors outside the Avarice's terror radius cannot move their cameras completely off the aura of the nearest transmuted survivor.
- Iridescent Diamond: Breaking a pallet or wall does not end Gilded Transmutation, though it still forces the Avarice into her cooldown animation.
- Malignant Gem Tumor: If you are further than 32 meters from a transmuted survivor, other survivors which free that transmuted survivor without using a ring are affected by Golden Death.
Ravenous Want: It doesn't matter what it is or what it does; if someone wants it, you want it more. This perk activates while you're within 8 meters of an item on the ground or a chest and remains active for 4 seconds after leaving this radius. While this perk is active, the cooldown for your successful basic attacks is reduced by 24%.
Terrifying Rage: The sound you unleash when you're pained is so shockingly inhuman that anyone nearby is filled with supernatural fear. Whenever you are stunned through any means, all survivors within 18 meters of you become incapacitated for 5 seconds. Then, Terrifying Rage goes on cooldown for 20 seconds.
ALTERNATE: Affects all survivors in your terror radius, but the cooldown is 45 seconds.
Hex: Webs of Gold: An insidious sloth twines itself over those who find themselves seduced by greed, making it hard to concentrate on what truly matters. Whenever a survivor opens a chest, sabotages a gook, picks up a non-killer item, or cleanses any totem while this Hex stands, they become cursed for 20 seconds. While cursed by this Hex, they suffer a 14% penalty to repair and healing speeds. When this Hex totem is cleansed, the survivor who cleansed it is cursed for 35 seconds.
2024.05.16 07:36 rmc_19 Where is the line between trust issues and mental illness. Is it abandoning someone to leave
My partner M and I F just ended a LDR mutually. He's previously married with 2 kids.
Fundamentally he boiled it down to I disrespect him constantly, according to him by design. Anytime I tried to clarify with him what he thought was disrespectful he thought I was asking to "validate my ego" which never made sense to me.
I always chalked it up to him having narcissistic abusive ex who constantly torments and triggers him. And when he did share with me, long after the fact, things he found disrespectful I understood. Ending a phone call too abruptly, calling him from a party (once) when he considered our phone calls to be dates, playing games on my phone when we were talking sometimes. Texting him my feelings instead of calling but I always did that because it was extremely hard to get him to listen without interrupting most of the time. We did video calls and it was hard for me to always look at the same thing for 2-3 hours (I'm like this with everyone) but I was always listening. I never did it in person but I stopped when he finally told me it bothered him.
Whenever he felt disrespect he would yell at me. It took me almost breaking up with him to get him to stop raising his voice. I was in a four months depression from it before he took me seriously. I was in a PTSD headspin from other triggers in my life and being yelled at more than once a week rocked my nervous system completely.
It turns out he thought I was involved with a friend of his before we got together. We were never involved and he told me months later it didnt matter to him but it bothered me that I "lied" to him about it. I was always single this is my first LTR and I had a past (truly in the past) of a party and sexually active lifestyle which I had been done with for the better part of 5 years . I admitted this to him to lay my cards out on the table early on. It's not something I worried about ever being an issue again as I'm quite content with my calmer life and I've always been loyal even when I dated short term. But I feel like because I was honest with him about it made him afraid I would revert because his an ex was an alcoholic and cheated on him.
Eventually every time I tried to address an issue he was concerned with he would just start saying I was full of shit and I started having super strong reactions to this and screaming. But then he started telling me he thought me and his ex friend were talking behind his back, including my family who his friend has never met. He finally told me he thought people were talking about him at work and spreading information and I saw him start arguments with his family over nothing and I was like holy shit is he losing his mind? Like he is not ok.
Unfortunately by the time I realized he might be paranoid I was already exhausted and couldn't stay any longer. He would go from telling me I'm going to meet more of his family and what type of marriage proposal would I like to telling me he doesn't trust me one bit and I should stop stringing him along. And when he would talk like this, the distrusting crazy talk he looked like a completely different person. Then it would be over and he'd be back to himself.
At this point I started to believe he's breaking down and something is not right with him. But I was too exhausted and I said I need you to consider that learning what respect means to you is hard when you believe I disrespect you intentionally and don't tell me what I do that bothers you. People have different ideas of respect and I'm open to growing and learning and always have been. And that I need you to consider that I've always been honest with you and I can't handle that you don't believe anything I say.
I genuinely believe he needs help and I feel like a bad partner for leaving him if that's the case. But I lost 15 lbs, I started losing my hair and I had severe brain fog. I was supposed to move in with him but I couldn't even begin to make preparations to do that with all the stress.
I feel so guilty for leaving him. He made me feel so loved, but the contrast with the other behavior was so much. He supported me through my mental health crisis despite his outbursts and frustration with me. He wanted to support me and help me recover financially. But I did everything I could and I can't afford for this to make me sick any longer.
submitted by rmc_19 to BreakUps [link] [comments]
Fundamentally he boiled it down to I disrespect him constantly, according to him by design. Anytime I tried to clarify with him what he thought was disrespectful he thought I was asking to "validate my ego" which never made sense to me.
I always chalked it up to him having narcissistic abusive ex who constantly torments and triggers him. And when he did share with me, long after the fact, things he found disrespectful I understood. Ending a phone call too abruptly, calling him from a party (once) when he considered our phone calls to be dates, playing games on my phone when we were talking sometimes. Texting him my feelings instead of calling but I always did that because it was extremely hard to get him to listen without interrupting most of the time. We did video calls and it was hard for me to always look at the same thing for 2-3 hours (I'm like this with everyone) but I was always listening. I never did it in person but I stopped when he finally told me it bothered him.
Whenever he felt disrespect he would yell at me. It took me almost breaking up with him to get him to stop raising his voice. I was in a four months depression from it before he took me seriously. I was in a PTSD headspin from other triggers in my life and being yelled at more than once a week rocked my nervous system completely.
It turns out he thought I was involved with a friend of his before we got together. We were never involved and he told me months later it didnt matter to him but it bothered me that I "lied" to him about it. I was always single this is my first LTR and I had a past (truly in the past) of a party and sexually active lifestyle which I had been done with for the better part of 5 years . I admitted this to him to lay my cards out on the table early on. It's not something I worried about ever being an issue again as I'm quite content with my calmer life and I've always been loyal even when I dated short term. But I feel like because I was honest with him about it made him afraid I would revert because his an ex was an alcoholic and cheated on him.
Eventually every time I tried to address an issue he was concerned with he would just start saying I was full of shit and I started having super strong reactions to this and screaming. But then he started telling me he thought me and his ex friend were talking behind his back, including my family who his friend has never met. He finally told me he thought people were talking about him at work and spreading information and I saw him start arguments with his family over nothing and I was like holy shit is he losing his mind? Like he is not ok.
Unfortunately by the time I realized he might be paranoid I was already exhausted and couldn't stay any longer. He would go from telling me I'm going to meet more of his family and what type of marriage proposal would I like to telling me he doesn't trust me one bit and I should stop stringing him along. And when he would talk like this, the distrusting crazy talk he looked like a completely different person. Then it would be over and he'd be back to himself.
At this point I started to believe he's breaking down and something is not right with him. But I was too exhausted and I said I need you to consider that learning what respect means to you is hard when you believe I disrespect you intentionally and don't tell me what I do that bothers you. People have different ideas of respect and I'm open to growing and learning and always have been. And that I need you to consider that I've always been honest with you and I can't handle that you don't believe anything I say.
I genuinely believe he needs help and I feel like a bad partner for leaving him if that's the case. But I lost 15 lbs, I started losing my hair and I had severe brain fog. I was supposed to move in with him but I couldn't even begin to make preparations to do that with all the stress.
I feel so guilty for leaving him. He made me feel so loved, but the contrast with the other behavior was so much. He supported me through my mental health crisis despite his outbursts and frustration with me. He wanted to support me and help me recover financially. But I did everything I could and I can't afford for this to make me sick any longer.
2024.05.16 07:35 sphenisciformes_surf Something fun I wrote this morning: A queer devotional
He told them still another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like yeast that a woman took and mixed into about sixty pounds of flour until it worked all through the dough.” (Matthew 13:33)
The current wave of dysphoria has lingered longer and deeper than previous ones that I remember. In a strange way I've come to appreciate these periods of clarity where I get to encounter the self that is mostly closeted and suppressed.
By co-incidence, my wife is navigating peri-menopause and the doctor has prescribed HRT patches. She has found that they do not agree with her and cause all kinds of problems, so they've been sitting in the cupboard.
Yesterday, I did a thing. I've been sorely wanting to do it ever since she received the prescription. But finally, I opened the packet, and slapped a patch on my thigh. Don't ask me the make or the dose. I have not looked. If I had to consider those things, I would simply never do it, and then I would never know!... And No!... this is not a devotional about Eve taking the apple in the garden of Eden!
After putting it on: I developed a slight dull headache almost immediately, but that dissipated after an hour. I felt slightly dizzy, but maybe I should not have had a second cup of coffee in the morning. Somewhere in the day I felt as though the skin around the private parts had contracted somewhat and become wrinkly and rubbery. It felt a little bit achy as well. But after an hour or so they were back to normal. Damn!
When I went to bed, I could not sleep.
This was for two reasons:
My brain was in overdrive. What have I done! I don't think I want to take this patch off! ... Or more accurately... I am going to keep slapping them on! This was never the plan! My plan was to lose 60 lbs of weight first. Then I would seriously talk to the family, request an appointment with a gender clinic. There is a 3 year waiting list in the part of the country where I live. Perhaps I would then try to bridge the waiting period by using a private gender medical service. In the mean-time I would use the time to re-skill and find a job where I would not be fired for transitioning.
The other reason why I could not sleep was because there was a distinct ache in my chest (breast tissues). I could not find a comfortable sleep position, curled up on my side as I usually do. Even just moving the duvet over my chest felt rough and painful. I'm not sure if it is my imagination, but in the morning light they look and feel bigger, fuller, tighter, with the nipples standing quite stiff.
O Shit! What have I done!
She's being let out! She's been closeted for so long and as dawn breaks, she's seeing the light of day! It won't be long then it may finally not just be "he/him". Together it will be they them! ... Like yeast it is, this E! Powerful stuff! Like the Kingdom of Heaven in all its queer glory!
submitted by sphenisciformes_surf to TransChristianity [link] [comments]
The current wave of dysphoria has lingered longer and deeper than previous ones that I remember. In a strange way I've come to appreciate these periods of clarity where I get to encounter the self that is mostly closeted and suppressed.
By co-incidence, my wife is navigating peri-menopause and the doctor has prescribed HRT patches. She has found that they do not agree with her and cause all kinds of problems, so they've been sitting in the cupboard.
Yesterday, I did a thing. I've been sorely wanting to do it ever since she received the prescription. But finally, I opened the packet, and slapped a patch on my thigh. Don't ask me the make or the dose. I have not looked. If I had to consider those things, I would simply never do it, and then I would never know!... And No!... this is not a devotional about Eve taking the apple in the garden of Eden!
After putting it on: I developed a slight dull headache almost immediately, but that dissipated after an hour. I felt slightly dizzy, but maybe I should not have had a second cup of coffee in the morning. Somewhere in the day I felt as though the skin around the private parts had contracted somewhat and become wrinkly and rubbery. It felt a little bit achy as well. But after an hour or so they were back to normal. Damn!
When I went to bed, I could not sleep.
This was for two reasons:
My brain was in overdrive. What have I done! I don't think I want to take this patch off! ... Or more accurately... I am going to keep slapping them on! This was never the plan! My plan was to lose 60 lbs of weight first. Then I would seriously talk to the family, request an appointment with a gender clinic. There is a 3 year waiting list in the part of the country where I live. Perhaps I would then try to bridge the waiting period by using a private gender medical service. In the mean-time I would use the time to re-skill and find a job where I would not be fired for transitioning.
The other reason why I could not sleep was because there was a distinct ache in my chest (breast tissues). I could not find a comfortable sleep position, curled up on my side as I usually do. Even just moving the duvet over my chest felt rough and painful. I'm not sure if it is my imagination, but in the morning light they look and feel bigger, fuller, tighter, with the nipples standing quite stiff.
O Shit! What have I done!
She's being let out! She's been closeted for so long and as dawn breaks, she's seeing the light of day! It won't be long then it may finally not just be "he/him". Together it will be they them! ... Like yeast it is, this E! Powerful stuff! Like the Kingdom of Heaven in all its queer glory!