Turk sayings about life

hi all! i'm a teenager in my 3rd year of high school and am thoroughly confused. in year 10, covid was ending but we were still coming back to school very slowly. i became friends with this girl in my class who is really popular.
in my school, or, in my life, popular people are friends with popular people. i am not popular. i have my little group of friends that i'm happy with at school and then outside i have a different one. at first i thought it was because we rly had no one else to hang out with, but even when school started full-time we continued to be good friends.
one more thing? she's barely close to anyone. she has friends, and she's really scary, but she's always stood up for me and claims me to be her closest/best friend. i just don't get it. it's the weirdest thing because i really doubted my friendship with her, she was known to be this person who would talk about her friends behind their back or even lightly insult them. she also has a ton of influence in our city.
but she never talked about me behind my back or anything. even at school, when people mention her and everyone goes "she's mean to everyone basically" they always say she's never mean to me. to add to the mix, she lies to me a lot, and not in the way that she lies that i look good when i dont or stuff like that. she makes up stuff about her life.
like, she has this "boyfriend" who i really don't think is real, it's a long story but 1000% sure (it'll take a while for me to explain why) that on multiple occasions she's faked being busy and "given him the phone" to speak to me while being her the whole time.
at the end of the day, i guess i just think it's kind of cool that she makes up all this stuff so elaborately, pretending to be multiple people all just to message me of all people...?
honestly have no clue what to make of this situation. because she has stayed up all night multiple times being these different people and it's just so... odd. any and all advice will be greatly appreciated :")

It's all the way you look at things
I know that I'm so positive it makes some people sick. Yes, I am “that” person who sees the best in everyone and everything. Yes, I do see the glass half full.
While talking to my best friend recently, I was saying that I was excited about going home for a multi year reunion. I was going to see many of our high school and grade school friends, and what a good time we are going to have. He said, “Ain't no one wants to see them, girl, I could care less about them!’
He doesn't keep in touch with many people besides me. We have very different points of view on the subject of childhood friends. I keep in touch with almost all of my friends and he keeps in touch with me.
He doesn't have friends where he lives. He works from home, and his mother lives with him. He hasn't been on a date in years and hasn't gone out to try to open his circle of life. For him, a vacation once in a while is enough. For me, it could never be. I, on the other hand, have many friends that I am constantly doing something with. I have church and other things that I do that I enjoy to keep me involved and busy.
I don't want to be this old person saying fuck this one or fuck that one. I don't know how much time I have here but I do know I want to live my life large! I want to leave the dishes in the sink to hang out with a friend. It's not an imposition for me to pick up a friend from the airport who flew in to visit me. This is life, these are the memories that I am making that are priceless, with people I love.
I don't want to be that person who is too busy or too self absorbed in their own life to share it with others. Life's for sharing, sharing memories, sharing love and sharing laughter. I want to forever keep doing that. I'm not going to be that miserable old person no one wants to see because they have nothing nice to say about anyone.
So today my friends, remember life goes by too fast. You never know when your time is up. Is it more important to have a clean house than a house full of friends? Is it more important to be rigid, to not let bygones be bygones, than to enrich your life with other people? I guess the question is up to you on how to live your life but for me nothing enriches my life more than to share it with people I love, doing the things I love. As I have told you before, I want to go to my grave screaming what a frigging ride!! “Be the change you want to see”

I might go into a bit of a rant , but I really need an outsiders opinion on my situation.
For a bit of a background I 21F have been going no contact for almost 2 years with my mother 40F.
Here’s some backstory,
My mother had me quite young, 19 and would later bring up to me how she had a VERY rough childhood and how poorly her parents treated her and her issues with SA at a young age. She never left home and lived rent free UNTILL this day my grandmother had a stroke and my mother took care of her for 1-2 years as her primary caregiver but afterwards my grandfather was the primary caregiver and my mother no longer helped. She claimed to not leave the house because “they needed her” when infact she didn’t provide anything that they “needed” she didn’t pay rent she didn’t help take care she was more of a roommate so to say.
I looked up to my mother very much as a child admired her achievements she was getting promoted at work and travelling to different places for work. When I was 13 she had lied to our family about going on “work trips” when in reality she was hooking up with a very wealthy co-worker . She ended up getting pregnant and lying to my dad and me and my sister saying that she had to go on work trips while she was visiting this rich man and going to baby appointments. She told my dad she cheated on him 1 month before she gave birth and me and my sister 1 week before. Now I should mention I saw my family as a near perfect family everything was very good.My dad forgave her and accepted this new baby like his own child.
My mom lied to her baby daddy (the rich guy) and said that my dad had left her, my sister and I and that my mom lives all by herself in her own home and has no job. This being the opposite of what’s being true. The man agreed to pay her to be a stay at home mom and pay all her “bills” my dad paid all the bills and they she lived rent and bill free. She would go to see the rich man for a 2-3 weeks at a time in a different city than come back to the house me and my sister and dad lived in with our grandparents for 1-2 weeks than repeat the cycle.
She ended up cheating on my dad again a year later with the rich man after promising they had nothing going on to me and my dad. I would beg her not to sleep in the same bed as the man when she would take the kids over to his house. As a 13 year old child.
She truly lived a double life. I never knew when she would come back and I was left to do all her motherly stay at home mom duties and raise me and my sister because my dad worked so many long days and nights.
Our relationship never got better and she expected me to help her out with the new children. She ended up cutting ties with the rich dude and would bring the kids to his house on weekends but return home always.
I had alot of personal trauma involving SA at the age of 14 and a lot of mental health challenges.
She tried to kick me out at 15 and when brining this up to a councillor they almost got me taken from the home. I was in and out of mental wards and picked up a drinking addiction from a young age because of the SA and how the treatment from my mom was.
She decided to take my debit card while I was in a mental hospital and spend 120$ on food for herself. When I came home she let the children break 300$ worth of my makeup and make the most disgusting comments.
She made me miss days of my school so I could watch my youngest sibling while she took my other sibling to school. I fed, washed and the youngest child even needed me to hold his hand while I put him to bed. She expected me to be another parent I even attended every single doctors appointment for the children she had with the rich guy when their own father never attended it was me who did.
There was a time where the baby daddy had cut off her money and she refused to get a job so I ended up paying for dinners gas coffee runs, outings and my younger siblings whole 5th birthday party.
This whole time she would taunt me when I was sad she would get almost excited to see me super sad one time I had overdosed and she kicked my limp body to see if I was dead. Terrible things.
No matter how helpful how supportive I was through her custody battle how much money I spent as a young girl to I was about 17 doing all these things btw, she never showed love to me she threatened to kick me out if I didn’t get a job but I did make very decent money doing online things for money I won’t disclose but it was nothing sexual.
I did whatever she wanted because I was so desperately looking to be loved and wanted.
I finally had enough of her toxic abuse and always blaming me for everything using me as the escape goat and threating that I would be on the streets so I moved out at 19 with nothing but a mattress and a fan no help from my parents at all.
3 months into moving out my grandmother had sadly passed away. My mother invited a women who no one in our family has ever meet before to my grandmas open casket. She was already bringing a friend for support but felt the need to bring a women she’d only known for 2 weeks. I told her how uncomfortable I would be sitting next to a women I never met since this was a private family matter and no outside people that didn’t know my grandma would be coming. She picked bringing this women over my feelings I was heartbroken and sad about my grandma and no one supported me. My dad later on told me if I had a problem with my mom brining the friend I wasn’t allowed to go. After this I cut all ties with my mom and whole family.
A year after I cut all ties and no communication my mother randomly showed up at my doorstep with my two younger siblings both under 8. Saying they wanted to play at the park with me . I hung out with them at the park because I didn’t want this to be a bad memory for them and it’s not the childrens fault. This went awful my sister saying “how many birthdays have you missed now” obviously a line fed to her by my mother. Since she’s to young to come to that conclusion.
I recently after almost 2 years got back in contact with my dad and he’s really wanting me to have communication with my biological sister but I really don’t want a relationship with anyone but my dad and my two younger siblings.
So the question is what should I do my mom is a very toxic person but apart of me just wants a mom and wants to feel loved and wanted by a mom but I don’t think she can do that I’m just so confused and need help. And I’m not interested in a relationship with my sister but my dad really wants one and I have a really goood relationship with him now and don’t wanna make him sad.
If you read this whole thing thank you so much

context I (21 f) had two childhood best friends let's call them Mary and Anna for the sake of the story... We were inseparable we did everything together made sure we spend as much time as possible together, now there has been many red flags about Anna since the beginning of this friendship but we ignored them cuz "she was our friend she could never have bad intentions"... Both of Mary's parents had cancer and she only had a little sister who was a kid at the time and only one uncle so she was on her own... Two years ago unfortunately both of Mary's parents died within the same year only five months apart her mom first then her dad.. The friendship went downhill since that moment when Mary's mom died she was devastated and all alone at the funeral "her culture demands three days funeral at the church and then people would come to visit the family's house after".... We all had uni exams at that time but I didn't think much of that and just packed my stuff and went to help my friend out cleaning the house helping her out and kept doing that for the next few months.. Now Anna..she didn't show up at the funeral ,also she would go out partying shopping during the first three days ...and posting it all on her stories... And of course Mary noticed that and got really hurt.. When she confronted Anna.. Anna tried to defend herself by saying the worst things ever things like "my parents didn't want me to catch all the bad energy" and "they said we aren't gonna adopt you anyway so why waste my time instead of studying" when she realised that Mary was even more pissed off she tried turn things around and make me look bad I wasn't even there she said that I told her not to come and I was trying to sabotage the friendship between them and that's when Mary had enough and decided to just cut her off and leave this friendship... Since that moment and that girl took it upon herself to make my life a living hell she tried to make our friends cut me off and spread a rumer that I was sleeping with MARY'S FATHER and would bully me for the fact that I'm a hijabi I'm Muslim she's not I confronted her and then completely ignored her. Fast forward to last month at my work place I saw a familiar name we have clients and those clients we deal with for like six or seven months cuz we're an educational institute I told my manager the story and that I'm ready to quit my job that I love just to not deal with that person ever again. Now when she realized I work there I ghosted her in real life I wouldn't even look at her she went back to her old twisted games she bullied our employees who are just a bunch of teenagers and was talking shit about me saying she wouldn't do business with this place if they didn't fire me cuz a well respected place shouldn't hire people like me unfortunately for her my clients were there they stood up for me defended me and put her back in her place at that moment she went crazy..she made a big scene and called for the manager .. Who was there at the time and saw everything and instead of getting me in trouble she was kicked out and banned from this place and since we live in a very small town now everyone knows her as the psychotic karen and now alot of people are avoiding working or coming into contact with her .. Now her family is blowing up my phone with nasty messages her mom saw my mom at shop and told her that she raised a monster and even some of our friends said it was a dck move from me to tell on her and that I ruined her reputation... So was it really a dck move that I told my boss her story .. I did that just because I didn't want troubles and was lowkey worried that she'd try to do something.. So AITA or was is self defense?

So I'm 25 and have grown up with autism / epilepsy and severe sensory processing, I don't know where to start I guess I just wanna rant about it. I've always had a hard time taking care of myself, getting teased bullied, for having poor motor skills, public meltdowns, poor social skills and being a wee bit awkward. I've been spending my last few months in a burn out - skill regression, it's made me be unable to eat, clean my place, remember where my things are or keep up my speech skills. I'm at the point of where I'm recovering and taking better care of my mental health now, starting ot therapy because of how bad my spd got I just can't hear I'm miserable in social settings. But within masking and not being understood, I did most of things alone or breaking the fuck down trying to fit in and just making it socially worse for myself , it's whatever, but it doesn't bring you much sympathy in the real world. While I didn't take care of myself and was untreated / and not taking care it genuinely made my life hell for months I've had on going sensory processing things, and I couldn't order food in high levels of stress now recovering I'm sticking it home until I see my specialists. Within this I was bullied with a co worker when I got a job ( whos self digoansed via much research on TikTok or ig) she treated me kinda like absolute garbage with her self digonised ass lamer self. Aslo upon this pepole don't believe me when I say I have autisum anymore, it's making me so lonely and miss understood, and its genuinely just not nice to have uncontrolled. It's not aslo quirky and roomy and emotional, it gets draining if you don't attend to that part of you, and can actually disable you more, it's hard to live with.

First off let me say it was his idea to share locations to begin with. We’ve been having a lot of issues lately regarding not spending time together. He is always working 4 am- 10 am then 10 am-5pm & lately he’s spending a lot of times at his moms house. I work a full time Job and never have any time to myself I’m always taking care of the kids I do 95 percent of everything for them. While cleaning the house. He does the cooking or he buys the food if we eat out. I feel like we spend no time together on top of feeling like I have no life. The other night he left work early and our dog had to get a rabies vaccine. He had time to stop home before tending to his grandma but I still had to take an extra long lunch break to take the dog to get it done. Even though technically it’s his dog I told him I didn’t want a dog but I take more care of it then he does. So anyway besides the point. The other night he was at his moms I could see his location and he said he wouldn’t be long. He ended up running errands for her at 11 o’clock at night . And I could see it from his location. I was pissed and confronted him about why why never spend time together and he could do that for her but can’t help me out with HIS dog or spend time with me. He turned it off that night and hasn’t turned it back on since. I finally decided to ask him what’s up. We’ve shared it for 5 years and you just turn it off now. Saturday night he spent the whole night out and didn’t come home. I did confirm where he was but I was up all night and couldn’t sleep. And that’s not something he typically does. It would’ve saved me a nights sleep if I had the location since he stopped communicating with me. I asked him about the location and this is how the convo went. I really need input and another perspective about this.
I called him on the phone to ask him then his phone died so he text me back
Him : Babe do as you please. My location settings is off which means I can’t see your location anyhow. When I turn it back on you can see mine.
Me : I know that babe but why do you turn it off ? You either want to share or you don’t. That’s what I’m asking babe. You never used to just shut it off so I am confused as to the random ons and offs.
Him: Cause I’m not worried about it. I feel like shit though babe
Me: I am worried about it though. So do you want to just turn it off and be done with it ? Cause it would’ve came in handy when I was wondering where you were on Saturday night all night. Would’ve saved me some anxiety.
Him: Do what you want babe. Thank you babe. What time y’all leaving?
Me: I don’t know but I’m asking you collectively. It was your idea to share the locations to begin with and I’m telling you something is bothering me. It’s literally as simple as pressing a button to fix it. If you don’t want to do that babe let me know.
Him: I’ll press the button when it’s important babe. It’s not like I can see yours. That’s all I have to say about it. Are yall going to the aquarium or the boys being bad.
Me: We’ve done it for 5 years I don’t understand why it’s suddenly different now though suddenly you aren’t worried about it ? Right when we’re going through hard times. We are about to go I’ve got to get myself together.
Him: Why are you pressing it so bad like I go so many damn places? Like damn it’s not that serious especially when I’m a call or FaceTime away. Because I don’t care to turn it on unless I’m in an unfamiliar place where you got to worry about me. As of now I don’t do shit I only go to family house so I’ll turn it on when I need to.
Me: Then what was the point of all this time having it on constantly ?
Him: Why is this even a debate? We shouldn’t even be going back and forth over this. It’s not even that serious Smfh. Let’s just spark more problems
Me: I just figured turning it back on would be a simple fix but I’ll just be quiet. My reasoning is that I’m used to it so I wanna know what’s different now. Clearly there was a change of heart for some reason. But it’s ok. Do what you think is best.
Him: Why do you go through these phases? Drilling shit in your head so that you put yourself in a bad place
Me: If your spouse does something for years then suddenly changes it puts you in a weird mindset. Especially when there’s no compromising or reason behind it.
Am I wrong ? Am I overreacting or acting controlling ? I just feel there was no explanation as to why especially when we’re not going through the best time in our marriage why wouldn’t you just want to put your wife’s mind at ease ??

I (25F) ’ve been dating my dating my bf (25M) for almost two years now, we were best friends before we started dating and he was always amazing, except that, he severely lacks empathy, towards everything and everyone, yet, he always complains about his issues, and whenever he’s sick he acts like he’s dying and it’s the end of the world.I take care of him and help him whenever I can, I try to be as supportive and spoil him even when I know he’s exaggerating. I think that the fact that he allows himself to be vulnerable around me is a good thing, so I don’t try to do anything to change that.
NOW, whenever I am sick or feeling low he just tells me to get over it. He keeps saying that he hates nagging women, and that it’s just in my head, and I’m the only one that can get myself out of my misery. I’m an overthinker, and I get a severe depression pre menstruation, I’ve always had problems with my period and hormones and I’ve been treated for that ever since I was a kid, he knows it. I always try to be as strong as possible but that specific week i just can’t be strong anymore, it’s an overwhelming cloud of depression and all the shit I’ve bottled up before just pours out in tears and sadness.
He has never shown me any affection or support whenever that happened so I just stopped talking to him about it whenever it was the case and deal with it alone until it passes, I try to not let it affect my relationship, and I got so good at it that lately that he thinks his technique worked, and by technique I mean him telling me ‘ oh you’re getting your period again ’ and proceeds to just ignore me for the rest of the day while living his best life.
This month I got some news about my family having major issues that are gonna affect my life, I didn’t tell him about it because he never listens anyways so I was determined to just deal with it on my own, for two weeks he didn’t even notice that anything was wrong. Until I had another call with my family, that was the trigger , I took the day off, and just stayed in bed crying.
We don’t live together and he was at work and called me randomly to talk about his work issues I just ignored him, and when he asked if it was my period again I just snapped at him, I told him everything and hung up. And once again he just proceeded to go on with his best life and ignore me, we’ve had similar fights before where I would come back later and apologize for whatever I was feeling and he would act all snob and mean.
He didn’t try to talk to me anyways and expects me to come back apologizing this time too. I won’t. Am I really the asshole ?
Edit : I wanted to edit the post but panicked and ended up deleting it

Hello friends!
Over the last few weeks I posted about my coworker who decided to throw out my personal items from my locker and replace it with Plexus garbage.
For those of you wanting more context start here:
TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of cancer, eating disorders and body dysmorphia.
Part 1: https://www.reddit.com/antiMLM/s/DKtg3tPztv
Part 2 : https://www.reddit.com/antiMLM/s/W3mDFhdZOt
———————————
So on to the finale!! It’s a long one!!
Quick recap: I am a night shifter security guard and have struggled with EDs the majority of my life and am very self conscious about my body and how I look. I keep crystal light and some snacks in my locker for when I need a little pick me up mid shift or if I want some juice instead of water. My personal items were removed from my locker and thrown out and replaced with Plexus weight loss garbage.
Buckle up everyone, here we go!!
I was paid back for the stuff she threw out. She handed me the money in front of our manager who for the record was not impressed she had to be on site at 8pm to make sure it was done. Our manager is a no-nonsense Slavic woman who hails from the same region I do - so I’m very familiar with the attitude 😂. So needless to say, having to show up at site on a Tuesday at 8pm when she’s an early to bed early to rise type was already a bad thing.

• There was an investigation into the theft from my locker which was concluded by statements from 3 people who are unrelated to my company, who recognized the items to be mine since they saw me bring them in. IT was able to recover footage of her opening my locker and putting items into a small dark bag. The IT guy said it looked like a dog-poo bag 😂. Unfortunately the footage wasn’t super clear but it’s very obvious it’s my locker door because I have a big sticker of a holographic beetle on the door (it was there before I started working here).
  
• My coworker was fired as well as had her licence pulled by the solicitor general who is our issuing body of licences. To my understanding she has a 10 year bar on re-applying for her security licence.
  
• The other two guards who left because of her were contacted and were able to give approximate dates of the same nonsense she pulled on me and there was footage recovered from that too. They also gave statements to the manager about what happened to them.
  
• The building owner we provide services for did file for charges but it’s a civil matter and probably won’t be pursued by the courts because the amount was under $500. I’m not sure what’s going on there. That’s between my company and the building we provide the services for. Also I don’t want any part in that more than I need to be involved.
  
• The lawyer-hun was terminated from her employer for unethical practices as well as encouraging the “replacement of items” aka theft. After the incident went down and she was told not to contact security for anything besides immediate emergent situations (after hours maintenance situations, safe-walks), we got a new guard and she went full on hun-bot and tried to recruit her. The new guard is an immigrant and mlms aren’t something that’s really a thing in her country so she’s a hun-bot dream come true. The new guard came to me and asked me some oddly specific questions about certain products and I was caught off guard at first and then my blood boiled, I forced myself to quickly calm down and asked her where she heard that crap. She confided in me and I told her about what’s going on with the situation and she started crying. I asked her what was wrong and she told me she signed up with one of the mlms lawyer hun was shilling. I helped her get in contact with our manager so she could help her with that. I’ve since had a sit down with the law association people and have made a sworn statement at their request. She’s currently suspended from all practice pending investigation by the law association. My statement was taken on the basis that if they find anything that proves ground for prosecution it can be used in court.
  
• Our lockers have been switched out for ones with dial locks on them. The only people who have the combinations is the locker holder (us individual guards and our manager). It’s kinda nice because it’s a wider locker and now I don’t have to Tetris my duty items into it to get the door closed.
  

If there’s anything I can say as a take away for anyone in a similar situation at their workplace - be brave and be confident in reporting it. Document everything in relation to the MLM crap - paper trails are your friend. If you’re unsure of how to approach the topic with a manager find someone you trust and are comfortable with (preferably an outside source. Eg: mom or dad, sibling, friend) and have a mock-manageemployee-conversation with them about the situation. I know not all managers are good and some are absolute crap - report it and then send an email to them with a “just to recap what we spoke about on _______ date at _____ time.” If that goes nowhere, most companies have an anonymous whistle blower hotline - call them if you’re comfortable doing so.
Good luck to anyone dealing with this!

I am very much a lurker in this community. I feel passionate enough about the Dr K. convo and all the things that have transpired since then to speak up.
I can base a lot of what I'm saying on a possible assumption but, I'm going to say what I have to anyways despite not having clear evidence of it. Be mad, idc.
Self Sacrifice Schema
I watched the interaction between Steve and Dr. K through the youtube video and everything I heard Steven express struggling with, I expressed to my own therapist only a few months ago.
I started medicating for ADHD a year ago and I can now operate on a much higher emotional intelligence then I've ever been capable of. And it hit me like a bag of fucking bricks.
I learned that, through whatever past traumas I have, I felt like I couldn't disappoint people, even when it was a detriment to myself. I would do the most for others while I didn't allow anyone to do anything for me. And at times people take advantage of that. I hate when people compliment me or thank me because in my mind it was my responsibility and not something to be commended for. I can't even stand when people sing "Happy Birthday" on my fucking birthday.
That shit gets taken advantage of. And I don't blame the other party entirely because I understand that I set up the relationship dynamics that contribute to it. My lack of boundary setting was an opportunity for others.
However, whenever I felt slighted enough I am very capable of going scorched earth. Doing the most piece of shit things feeling like someone has awarded me the opportunity and I am very capable of doing that. And it was always when things went way beyond a boundary I should've actually set. And I was made to feel bad for this capability of going scorched earth better than most people and I made myself feel bad.
What's worse however is curbing yourself so much knowing how fucked up you can be that you do nothing and allow people to step all over you.
I've seen plenty of posts here of people asking why Steve shows so much grace to people when they don't deserve it. I think the Dr. K talk explains all of that exactly.
Boundary Setting
Since I've acknowledged my own issues I've set so many boundaries. With my immediately family, my wife, my ex-wife, my children. And that shit is hard. As well, due to a misunderstanding of boundary setting based on not setting correct boundaries in the past, the pendulum had to swing in the complete opposite direction in order to figure out what I should be doing. I became extremely restrictive on my boundary setting with other people.
And due to the dynamics I set up by being extremely graceful it was very difficult for every other party involved. And when they retaliated I had no choice but to stand my ground to get them to understand the dynamics have changed. If it meant being a piece of shit so fucking be it. For my own mental health I was changing the dynamic of relationships with others
In the past couple months we've seen Steve cut the bullshit people he showed more than enough grace to. He split from someone who stepped all over the established boundaries she agreed to. He was as graceful as possible even in those instances.
Opticsmaxxing/Going to far
About a month ago things have finally began to normalize with the people around me. I am a lot more content with myself and have so much more conviction in my approach to others. For the most part it means that my relationships with people who matter have matured and gotten better. But it also means that people who want to fuck around with me are more likely to find out a lot sooner then I would've in the past. And I am not fucking nice.
I struggled at first with this conviction of being straight vile to people who thought I could be fucked with. Thought I was a bad person for it. I realize that I've always done this to myself. I've always been this way and hated myself for it. I now hate that I ever hated myself for it.
I've always been capable of going scorched earth with people. Anytime in my life I've been brought to that point it was either always justified or I dialed my actions back enough knowing that I was taking things to far. When it was justified it was a benefit to others or myself. When I dialed it back it showed maturity, empathy, and understanding. I've today come to terms with that side of me and not longer make myself feel bad for it.
Steve has shown that hes tired of a lot of shit and, fuck it, its time to scorch the fucking earth.
Retaliation
Here's where things get personal for me and why I feel motivated to even post this as a lurker.
Trigger warning: I'm going to probably piss some people off.

1. This has been actually cathartic for me. So i appreciate if it even stays up and if you read through it
   
2. You fucking opticmaxxers in here need to stand the fuck down and eat some fucking shit
   

What I feel like I am witnessing is someone choosing to lean into who they are and always have been. Curbing themselves thinking they were suppose to due to these fucking societal norms of fucking "be nice"
Eat shit and die (in minecraft). The man has shown enough good will and has proven that even in these moments of retaliation he's capable of managing even through the lense of optics. To hear people complain about what hes doing knowing that hes done enough to prove that he knows what hes doing is fucking annoying. Let the man scorch the fucking earth. Its earned. Its deserved. These people in this clique have consistently had his name in their mouth with him showing more grace than any of them showed him.
Scorch the fucking earth
Tldr: Opticsmaxxers need to eat shit and die (in minecraft)

Alright I get it, LOML? Is this guy insane at 19 really? Yes Hopefully my first relationship will be my only. So without further a due, here we go...
Introduction
Hi, my name is Jonathan. Nice too meet you. Im 19 originally from the US and my interest and what I am passionate about is running, gym, traveling, gaming, and anime. My goals and priorities in life are to gain experience with managing money and how it works and starting a business of my own, creating a family and watch as our kids grow up(cheesy I know), and having enough free time to enjoy it with the fam such as traveling and also pursueing passions of mine. This is the general gist about me.
Looks:
I will send you a picture and saying high just so you are aware of what I look like because I think both of the physical and mental aspects of attraction are equally important. I will describe myself here so you get a general idea of what your getting into I guess lol. Im a 6ft 1(185cm for Europeans), 142 lbs hispanic guy with glasses. Im a tall lanky dude is the gist of it.
Interests and Passions:
Loved running as a kid, loved it as a highschooler, and still love it now as an adult. Longistance is my favorite but hey I can do walks if youd like. Gym is good for me in the long run and I love the progression. Shred for summer am I right. I picked up a love for traveling when I first visited NYC when I was 18 and loved the though of exploring new places, recently picked up a side passion of traveling in the form of unplanned spontanious trips(sometimes). Now being in Europe I have the option to go to a whole different country in just a couple hours like what???? I always loved video games as a kid and still now although I have less and less time to play them. Some of my favorites are SQUAD, WARFRAME,LEAGUE OF LEGENDS and ESCAPE FROM TARKOV just to name some but games Ive loved in the past are APEX LEGENDS, ROCKET LEAGUE, RUST, COD BO, FORTNITE, and DAYZ. Love games :). Anime is definetly a big one for me. Been getting into manga more recently but some of my favorite anime have to be action like MHA, Death Note, AOT, Naruto, Demon Slayer but favorite one is by far ONE PIECE. I also like some other animes that arent action like Dr. Stone.
Goals in Life:
I want to be financially stable is the main gist and free up a lot of time for adventures like traveling with my family or my passions like anime running and video games. Learning about money is by far the best way to achieve that goal. I want to start a family eventually maybe in the late or mid 20s depending on my partner. Just something about being a father and experiencing that joy of having another little you running around and watching and mentoring them as they grow up and become successful is just something else really. To reiterate what I said in the first sentance about financial stability goal I would like to do so to free up time and focus more on fun things with the family and enjoying the short life we've got to the fullest experiencing as much as we can.
What Im looking for in terms of looks and personality:
Have at least some mutal interest. Preferably be at a healthy or normal BMI, so really no overweight(sounds fatphobic I know but its just what I prefer) ladies, dealbreaker. Be 18+ (I say this for the Europeans mostly cause US knows its 18+ or a case). Thats really it, dont really care about the size of your butt or chest. Some preferences that are not dealbreakers but bonus or brown ie points are short haired, short, gamer, or asian. Again not dealbreakers or anything but it is prefered. Dont be rude as well.
Alright thats the end thanks for reading this, care more about having a special someone that cares about me and is eager to talk to me or be romantic. Hopefully if you are in europe we can meet up after getting to know each other. Have a great day. PS. if you did come this far us this emoji🗣️ and DM me if you found me interesting or would like to talk.

Open communication is crucial to keep connections strong and create a loving environment in the family. As a son, my perspective on our relationships has changed over time to account for both our personal development and life transitions. Here, I'll discuss how I handle these crucial talks, highlighting the different facets and modes of communication that support the health of our family bond. Active listening is one of the fundamental components of family communication that I believe is particularly important. Rather than waiting for my turn to speak, I try to listen to and comprehend what my family members say. I often talked with my family in the living room or dining room when I was at home. These spots offered a familiar and cozy environment for conversation, whether we were talking about lighter topics like our days or more important ones like life lessons. As I grew older, these partnerships' dynamics evolved. These days, we communicate primarily through text, video, and phone calls that happen online. Despite the changes in medium, the underlying ideas of our discussions—respect and understanding for one another—remain the same. Despite our different locations and ways of contact, my family and I still make an effort to stay in touch and be involved in one another's lives. I appreciate how simple and convenient technology makes it to stay in touch, even though I miss our face-to-face interactions. We have become closer over time, and I am grateful for the unconditional affection and backing that enter every one of our conversations, no matter how they turn out. Our conversations are typically lighter and funnier when it comes to my siblings. We converse casually, sharing jokes and amusing stories, as well as updates on our lives. Keeping the family's spirit of fun and togetherness alive requires this kind of communication. But when necessary, we also talk things through more seriously, offering guidance and support when things get tough. Our communication is also greatly influenced by the setting of our encounters. At home, people can talk freely because the atmosphere is more relaxed. On the other hand, we communicate gently and respectfully about social rules when we are in public or at family events. This flexibility ensures that, in any situation, we can continue to communicate properly. Technology has had a big influence on how I talk to my family. I can communicate in real-time, receive instant information, and make visual connections with it. I can communicate effectively and quickly through text messages, phone calls, and video calls. Especially with video calls, we can connect visually, which adds a more intimate element to our conversations. Despite our physical distance from one another, these techniques enable me to uphold healthy relationships and strengthen my bonds with the people I love. Technology has made the world feel more connected and smaller. Understanding individual communication styles, adjusting to various situations, and using technology are all necessary for effective family communication. We may continue to have an effective and positive relationship by focusing on these factors. To maintain our tightly connected family, as a son, I use a combination of classic and modern strategies, embracing technology and empathy. Every interaction—digital or in-person—offers a chance to express love and support, promoting a feeling of unanimity and belonging.

I need some advice on how to handle a situation with a friend I met last year at a wedding. We've met up a few times since then ( a grand total of 3 times) all for brunch, but it feels like our interactions are a bit one-sided. I usually have to initiate plans and conversations when we message via whatsapp, and while she's nice, I find her conversations can be a bit one-dimensional, mostly revolving around her career.
Recently, she asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, which caught me off guard. I'm flattered, but I don't feel like I know her well enough to take on such a significant role. I've only met up with her 3 times, all times for brunch (max 3-4 hours). Plus, I don't know her family at all, which makes me hesitant.
Adding to my uncertainty, there have been instances where she's been a bit forgetful or canceled plans last minute. For example, she suggested we celebrate New Year's together at a bar, which was slightly odd because I didn't really know her that well but was equally chuffed about it but then she canceled on me because she made other plans with her family. While I understood that plans can change, it still felt a bit odd given our relatively new friendship.
Another time, we had plans to meet up, and she completely forgot about it until I reminded her (as I was walking to the restaurant). While we rescheduled, it left me feeling a bit disappointed and unsure about the reliability of our friendship.
I've been reflecting on whether being a bridesmaid is the right choice for me, considering these factors. On one hand, I value our friendship and want to support her, but on the other hand, I'm not sure if I'm ready for such a commitment given our current level of closeness. I also find her forgetfulness and the lack of texting me/initiating conversations a bit off-putting. I don't expect friends to message me all the time but a 'Hey, How are you? How's life?' once in a while would be nice. This is what I do. I always check up on friends. She does have some great ideas while we meet for brunch...she suggested we go hiking, or go to spa retreat or go on holiday together (which is all fine for me) but doesn't then go about planning it or initiating anything. Of course, I'm more than happy to help but she's not very proactive. If she's had an idea, she should message me and ask when I'll be free in the next month or say I have looked at these spas etc.... I am more than happy then to look further and book. Every time we have met up has been me organising it.
Do you think I'm being rational in feeling hesitant about being a bridesmaid, or am I overthinking things? Should I address my concerns with her, or politely decline the offer? How would I go about even replying to her.

Hi,
I don't know what to do.
I am not out to myself or others. I only have one sexual experience that went further then flirting with the same sex and it has left me confused.
Me and a friend kissed when we were drunk one night when I was about 15. After that for a while everything was normal.After maybe half a year or less had passed and I was still friends with this girl. I started to watch gay TV shows and maybe had a crush on a teacher and also flirted with girls that I thought might be gay but I still declared myself as straight, I started to remember my kiss with her fondly and started to fantasies about having a relationship with her, things got really weird quickly from there. I felt so awkward around her I would get spiteful and bitchy and be very jealous when she made new friends, I would be mean to her but I still insisted on staying friends, I would glue myself to her invite myself round to her house and pretend everything was normal. I would keep asking her for reassurance that we were still friends.
I would indulge myself into fantasy's that we were in love etc I asked her once if we could kiss again which she refused saying that I shouldn't have told my other friends about our kiss.
20 years later I am still coming to terms with it all, I have dreams about her and my life has not been the same since. I try to distract myself with porn or play with the idea of being with girls I meet at work etc. I keep messaging her with the idea that I can bring it all up to talk to her about it. But end up just talking about normal mundane things.
I feel alone and isolated. I just came to terms with it this morning that maybe it was obvious that I was in love with her and maybe people around me are just waiting for me to admit it.
Should I ask her if she could tell I was in love with her? Something like "was I in love with you at school?". It is all abit of a blur and I don't know myself really but looking back on it does seem like I was in love with her.
It is so complicated relationships with girls because there is a power dynamic that comes to play which confused me. For example when we started hanging out she would copy me and dress like me etc but when she no longer needed me I felt bad and I was confused when she rejected me. Was I in love with her or was if just a complicated friendship and I was just emotional and sensitive at the time?Will coming out about this fix anything?
I don't know what to do? life is not black and white and it is what you make of it. I just wish she could tell me she loved me so I could understand my feeling were real.

Please bear with me as this may be a long one.
I (F) am 26 years old and have not lived with my parents since 18 (went to college moved to another city for work etc). My parents have never 100% supported me financially (not a lack of funds, rather to be spiteful and to hold it over my head), we have never had a great relationship mostly due to how they treated me and the poor life choices they have made. I am quite successful in my career, although it does take a few years to work yourself up in my career (legal field) as you work on salary and commission and need to build up clients. I know I am 26 but we study and do practical so I only finished that last year. Recently I found myself facing a hard financial time (I have to move to another city to accept a better work opportunity and had to pay double rent and deposit, my previous boss also did not pay me my full salary and notice period (even though I did work the month though and my notice period & that is the law here).
I reached out to my parents for help and I was offered a loan with high pay back, which I rejected (lending money through a bank would be a better deal). Now everyone is fighting with everyone. That however is not the reason I want to cut them off, just another fight to add to the long list of rubbing each other the wrong way. For as long as I can remember they have been very absent in my life (I hardly ever saw my father growing up and when I did he would always yell, swore at me and belittle me, the usual "you will never amount to anything" etc). My earliest memory of my father was him cussing at me, I was 3 years old and I remember it like yesterday. My mother although, she did try and made a effort made a lot of messed up decisions in her life which cost her almost everything. That led to her being dependent on my father as well, even though they are divorced (she moved back in with my father a few years back because she couldn't afford to survive on her own anymore, she also isn't treated great and I do feel sorry for her, but in my opinion she did bring it upon herself. My father has done horrible things like, swore at me, said thing no person should ever say to another person, let alone a parent, slapped me and threatened me, e.g. if I didn't do this he wont give me money for food, if I didn't do that he wont help me though college etc. (Just a note, he forced me to go study and held it against me if we ever had an argument). I have always been respectful towards them, but after a few years I also snapped and started arguing back (I usually just cried and went to my room). I have never gotten into any trouble, never had any issues with anyone, so generally I was a good teenager and adult. I always help them with anything they need etc.
Just to give you idee, he wouldn't give me money for things growing up, not in college and I was a full time student, so I couldn't take a half day work. When I first started working I earned just enough to cover fuel, medical aid, rent, utilities, I could not afford food and other necessities every month and would reach out and ask for a small amount of money like 5 dollars or less small. You can imagine how that went, I had to pray to make the fuel last each month to get to work every day. Anyways, he has "friends", people who only surround him for benefits (everyone can see it for what it is, except him) he supports them financially, food, money, alcohol, cloths, pays for their children's school, clothing etc. Mind you, he didn't pay my school fees and was handed over to debt collection, he didn't buy me clothes growing up etc. My though always was, why them and not me, why random people off the street (not actually homeless people or the less fortunate), why am I not enough, but they are. I ask for 5 dollars or food, no big problem, gets insulted, but he will give them 100 dollars for alcohol and to go out and eat (no joke that actually happened). I would sit and not be able to afford monthly expenses and he would call and brag about him taking them out to eat, buying cases of alcohol. And mind you it has been so for more than 10 years, so it isn't like he is doing this now that I am an adult, he this when I was still a child.
Almost everyone think very highly of him, he is always the center of attention, the best person, if I ever told anyone how he treated me he would get very upset and even slapped me once, because he didn't want me telling people that he wasn't the best, I didn't lie nor exaggerate either. Another example is I was in a relationship with a man who handled me very badly (as in abuse in the worst kind of way), my father liked him and knew what had happened. Shortly after I left the relationship, he had him over for a get together and drinks. It has been a constant cycle of manipulation, disrespect, arguing, being belittled, screamed at, swore at and mistreatment for as long as I can remember, I have gone no contact a few times but every time I am reeled back in and it goes well for a few weeks and then back to the same old thing. Addressing it does help, I have tried over and over to convey my feelings, to try and make it better, explain why I feel like I feel, but it does absolutely nothing.
So AITA? Because I do feel guilty and like I am TAH.

I can’t remember the entire dream as there was a lot of different mini plots and places (most of my dreams are like this). What I do remember is the end. I was with a group of 3 others, and we were playing some game. There was not tv or video game controllers, we were just “in” the game. My character within this game was only a silhouette of a basic fantasy-type archer. I hit one of the others with an attack, and the game went silent and still. In the game, my archers bow was hovering in the air in front of my character, the string touching the person I had attacked. My character held a Chain, one end in each hand, and was rubbing the Chain horizontally across the vertical string of the bow, as if he was starting a fire. The rubbing was very stocatto, and after the 5th or 6th rub there was the sound of numerous people performing one distinct clap of their hands.
I was instantly in the kitchen of my old family home, about 10 ft away from the sink. I was now me, and not my video game character, but I had the bow with me. I saw the silhouhette of a tiny human, probably 3-4 inches tall, run out of my bow and to the kitchen sink area, where the other three people were standing. I was amused by the little guy, and asked the other three if they saw it (it’s worth mentioning that I didn’t question the instant teleportation from the game world or the fact that I had a bow with me now), but the remained silent. I heard a creaking sound, and approached the sink to see why they weren’t replying and what the sound was. I saw the guy I had done that weird attack to in the game with a bow in his hands, holding it in the sink. He was tying it with string, which is what the creaking sound was, and just staring at it. He seemed robotic, and I was instantly aware that I had caused this by doing that attack in the game. I couldn’t see his eyes or the two people next to him, who were also frozen and staring at his work. It was silent and completely still with the exception of the bow string creaking as it was tightened. I began to get frustrated, and slightly concerned, so I gave him a light shove on the shoulder. What happened next was genuinely horrific and I’m still getting chills retyping it. He instantly dropped the bow in the sink and turned to me, and there was something terrifying about his eyes. They weren’t all black, but the pupils were definitely bigger than normal. They were also extremely shiny. I don’t know if any of you have seen the movie bird box, but the peoples eyes from that movie are the closest thing I can compare this too, although they’re still very different. I know this probably doesn’t sound scary, but believe me when I say that seeing these eyes was one of the most genuinely horrific things I’ve ever experienced. They were wide open, and I instantly backed away in shock. I instinctively put the kitchen island between myself and him, and he continued to absolutely stare into my soul (this is honestly what it felt like) as he matched my path of movement, but on the other side. As he stared into me, unblinking, I got the overwhelming sense that he hated me, and that I had done something to him that was causing immense torture. I opened my mouth to scream, but barely anything came out. Fight or flight kicked in and I raised the bow in my hands to hit him, but my arms barely worked. I just stood there for another moment, screaming so hard it felt like my head would explode, as his eyes peered into my own. I then woke up, feeling like I had been screaming in real life, and laid there absolutely frozen with horror for a good 5 minutes or so.
Edit: if any of you have seen mullholland drive, it all felt VERY similar to that one scene with the homeless guy.
Once again, I know it doesn’t sound that scary, but something about this dream was different than any dream I’ve ever had. Lately, I keep having these horrible nightmares that cause me to wake up feeling like I can’t breath or even gasping for aishouting out for help. This nightmare felt like the ones that usually cause those things, but it didn’t this time. Anybody else have nightmares like that?

I need some advice on how to handle a situation with a friend I met last year at a wedding. We've met up a few times since then ( a grand total of 3 times) all for brunch, but it feels like our interactions are a bit one-sided. I usually have to initiate plans and conversations when we message via whatsapp, and while she's nice, I find her conversations can be a bit one-dimensional, mostly revolving around her career.
Recently, she asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, which caught me off guard. I'm flattered, but I don't feel like I know her well enough to take on such a significant role. I've only met up with her 3 times, all times for brunch (max 3-4 hours). Plus, I don't know her family at all, which makes me hesitant.
Adding to my uncertainty, there have been instances where she's been a bit forgetful or canceled plans last minute. For example, she suggested we celebrate New Year's together at a bar, which was slightly odd because I didn't really know her that well but was equally chuffed about it but then canceled on me because she made other plans with her family. While I understood that plans can change, it still felt a bit odd given our relatively new friendship.
Another time, we had plans to meet up, and she completely forgot about it until I reminded her (as I was walking to the restaurant). While we rescheduled, it left me feeling a bit disappointed and unsure about the reliability of our friendship.
I've been reflecting on whether being a bridesmaid is the right choice for me, considering these factors. On one hand, I value our friendship and want to support her, but on the other hand, I'm not sure if I'm ready for such a commitment given our current level of closeness. I also find her forgetfulness and the lack of texting me/initiating conversations a bit off-putting. I don't expect friends to message me all the time but a 'Hey, How are you? How's life?' once in a while would be nice. This is what I do. I always check up on friends. She does have some great ideas while we meet for brunch...she suggested we go hiking, or go to spa retreat or go on holiday together (which is all fine for me) but doesn't then go about planning it or initiating anything. Of course, I'm more than happy to help but she's not very proactive. If she's had an idea, she should message me and ask when I'll be free in the next month or say I have looked at these spas etc.... I am more than happy then to look further and book. Every time we have meet up has been me organising it.
Do you think I'm being rational in feeling hesitant about being a bridesmaid? Should I address my concerns with her, or politely decline the offer? How would I go about even replying to her.

TLDR: A close long-time male friend (20M) from high school has been telling me he loves me (20F) for years. He lacks goals, stability and we differ on religious/cultural values. Despite a deep bond, I have concerns about pursuing a romantic relationship due to these incompatibilities, even though he might change - but I don't know if he would. Should I give a relationship a go or leave things as they are currently?
Throwaway account because I need advice before I go mentally insane. There's a guy that I started to talk to in high school. I didn’t know him but he seemed like my type (same religion/spirituality, same ethnicity, tall, good vibes) and so we started to talk because I wanted to get to know him better.
Fast forward to a couple weeks after we start talking, he tells me he loves this other girl that we both know (we all go to the same school). He tells me all of his issues with her and how he’s depressed about her not liking him back and I'm like oh. I never knew he felt this way about her. He said that he would always love her and he just has a feeling that they will end up together.
In my head, I was friendzoned and honestly I was okay with it because we only talked for like 2 weeks before he told me about his past situationship with that girl. We kept texting though and we ended up getting really close (he wasn’t in a situationship during this, he was just grieving the fact that she didn’t like him back).
Fast forward 5 months, we're super close now. But then he completely disappears, no calls, no texts and right before he disappeared he told me he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. That broke me. Then a month later he comes back out of nowhere and apologizes about what he did and says he was in a bad mental state and he just needed to be alone. I was so hesitant to let him back in because I still felt broken from that last conversation. But he apologized so much so I caved and said I guess we can be friends. We went to the same school too, so I'd see him every day regardless, including when he completely stopped talking to me. He also has mental health issues and has been told by doctors to get properly diagnosed but he hasn’t done it.
Then we start talking again and 6 months later he tells me he loves me. I was shocked, because remember he spent the first couple weeks of us talking telling me about how he'd always love that other girl and they were destined to end up together. So in my head I'm like "uhh...are you sure about this?"
We had our big final exams coming up too, so I wasn't trying to start anything romantic that could mess with my studying. I already knew he was capable of sending me on an emotional rollercoaster, and I didn't need that affecting my academics. So I told him I didn’t feel the same way about him, leaving him heartbroken. We still saw each other every day for the next 2 years at school and would text on and off. He told me he would be willing to wait till we were older, but I didn't want to give him false hope and told him I cannot guarantee him anything.
We ended up both graduating and are now at university and at this point, I thought he had moved on. We spoke 4 or 5 times during our freshman year and they were 8+ hour long calls or full days of texting. Now we are in our sophomore year and he tells me he still loves me. I don’t know what to do. I legitimately thought he was over me and moved on. I feel like I'm just shattering his heart into a million pieces at this point, because sometimes when we talk he seems so emotionless, like he's just numb from the pain. Now we speak occasionally every few months and sometimes every few weeks. He just texts me out of the blue or calls me.
But he thinks I don't love him back. The thing is I don't want to let myself love him back, because he has never given me a sense of stability. Since I met him he has always acted on very strong emotions, gets very upset and very angry and that has rubbed onto me. Whenever he would get sad, I would get sad and I felt like I had no control over my own emotions when I was around him. If I was in a happy mood and he was upset about something, he would get angry at me for being happy while he was upset. I also feel like he has no goals in life. He's just cruising along whereas I want someone who's very goal oriented and has a stable job because I am very goal oriented. I have done a lot better than him academically speaking as well. Sometimes I think it is my fault for him not trying because I broke his heart by saying I didn't love him back, but I think that’s a stupid thought and I'm not responsible for him acting the way he does and slacking off.
I also realized that despite him being the same ethnicity, he isn't in touch with his background at all which is very different to me. And due to this, I 100% know that my family will not be fond of his family and my family will not be happy with me dating him. They are aware of him though and know that we used to be close friends. He is also not religious/spiritual. I would say I'm 100 times more religious/spiritual than him. I have met other guys who do align with my goals in terms of stable careers and hardworking, enjoys traveling, and has the same religion/spirituality. But I just have not known these guys as long as I have known him. I feel like we both either have attachment issues or a trauma bond or we are just some dysfunctional soulmates.
A part of me wants to give him a shot, but I don't want to end up trying to mold him into who I want him to be. I don't want to nag him about studying harder at university or tell him to travel just because that's what I'm into. If I do that, he may grow to resent me down the line because he would have only made those changes because I pushed him, not because it's what he genuinely wanted for himself. The truth is, he just doesn't seem to have any goals of his own right now.
Another part of me thinks that if we try to make it romantic, it could completely ruin the relationship we've built over all these years. We're still at a point where we can reach out to each other for help when we really need it. I don't want to risk damaging that bond by giving a romantic relationship a shot, only for it to backfire and make us end up resenting or even hating each other.
I also feel like I'd be doing myself a disservice by giving him a chance. There are certain non-negotiable qualities I need in a partner, and he just doesn't display those. I feel like I'd be settling if I committed to him. I don't want to spend my life having to constantly manage his emotions and push him to take action. I don't want to mother him - I already felt that way when we were very close before.
After all these years, I still have an emotional bond with him though. And he still says he loves me. I have tried no contact multiple times, the longest being around a year. But it just hasn’t worked. The other girl he mentioned in the first two weeks of us talking many years ago is long gone by the way. It's been just me and him in that sense for a long time now. And we have so many mutuals and know the same people, which makes fully separating impossible. But I don’t know if taking the risk and giving him a shot is the way to go or if leaving things as they currently are is the better option.

Hello, everyone! It's been a while since I posted anything or even visited the sub. I do not visit the sub anymore as I collected all the information I needed long ago and staying on the sub only led to more thinking about flox. Focusing on other areas of life has been a great life hack for me! I have done a lot of positive things in the past half a year - I am starting my own business, been meeting new people and making a lot of new friends. Flox has changed me for the better.
I want to preface this by saying that I was probably the only person (or almost only as I've met maybe 1 or 2 other people on Reddit) who claimed flares from CoQ10. It actually flared me quite a lot — sometimes I could handle 100mg and sometimes even 30mg would lead to terrible pain. It was frightening to be one of the rarest cases in a pool of already rare cases, so, naturally, I tracked reactions to supplements extremely attentively (u/vadroqvertical won’t let me lie about that) and I have tried a lot (my cupboard is full of supplements — I spent around €3,500 on them in the span of 1.5 years). I will list reactions to supplements and the approximate timeline of when it happened:
— First of all, CoQ10/Ubiquinol flared me not so much 1 month out (tried 100mg ubiquinol multiple times) but it got worse as time went on to the point that April 2023 I could not even take 30mg without great pain. I tried it 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 16 months out all without luck with varying doses flaring me to different extents. I will outline the reasons for it below;
— Vitamin E flared me a lot 2, 4, 6 and 8 months out. Never tried again. Tried 200-400 IU at a time. Due to poor GSH regeneration through Glutathione Reductase dependent upon B2 and NADPH;
— Benfothiamine flared me as well (doses 150mg-300mg/day). This is due to high sulphite and blockage of complex IV of the Electron Transport Chain in the mitochondria the reason for I will explain further. Thiamine is easily broken down by sulphite in the body and it is broken down into sulphite as well, which causes a negative loop reaction in people with high sulphite levels. Benfothiamine also caused me a severe allergic reaction (extreme anxiety and itching) that gladly did not require hospitalisation but was extremely scary and scarred me psychologically (likely high sulfocysteine activated NMDA receptors);
— Vitamin B6 increased my neuropathy when I got it. Likely due to poor B2 functional status. The problem I was also deficient in B6 and its supplementation led to great improvements in sleep quality once I could tolerate it. Note B6 is easily destroyed by sulphite just like B1;
— Riboflavin flared me (tried at 100mg, doses under 10mg never flared me). This is likely due to unmatched NADPH supply due to high sulphite load in the body (speculative);
— Astaxanthin greatly improved my physical health at 5-6 months out (proving that the core of my issues was solely ROS) but it caused reductive stress (NADH accumulation), which also caused pain, albeit the pain was a different kind and asta caused worsening neuropathy and visual snow. It accumulates in fat tissue, so stopping it was nice with ROS coming to a balance at about 10-12 days after discontinuation (after a loading dose of 36mg/daily for 3.5 weeks) but ROS then came back after it went out of the body further. I did not retry astaxanthin as I realised it caused me reductive stress and neurological issues;
— NAC helped me a damn lot. It was the best antioxidant for me. The problem is it depleted my molybdenum and copper and started giving me allergic reactions (low molybdenum + copper as well as blocked complex IV will lead to way higher sulphite generated from NAC);
— Did not feel much from vitamin D. I live in a very sunny country and tested at 51 (ref. Range 30+) without any supplements;
— Magnesium helped me a lot. #1 supplement;
— Calcium did not help me much in the beginning, actually, caused me heart palpitations. Was fine taking it after a few months;
— Potassium was a good supplement. I took 800mg/day for a while and it supported my muscle health;
— Important: vitamin B5 made me feel a lot better. It took my ROS down like crazy — I could feel normal muscles again, it removed my oxalate pain completely, too but for only a short while like 3-4h.
I have tried many more supplements that were phyto-supplements and such and none of them really helped me beside maybe some placebo effects. Some made me feel worse and were not worth it at all. I did not try anything mood-changing as I was not interested in it. To note, GABA supplement made me feel a little euphoric at first.
It is very relevant that I have been oxalate dumping since 27 Dec. 2023. The description of the experience can be found here: https://www.reddit.com/floxies/comments/1by0uh0/comment/kyma718/
Now, to the real question: why did CoQ10 flare me even at high nutrient status (just after flox). I have to stress that flares from CoQ10 were much less at the beginning of flox likely due to better nutrient status (it went from extremely terrible to slightly more extremely terrible while 6 months out it went from ‘eh’ to terrible).

1. First, I have to say that NAC made me worse long-term. How? Over a long period of time I was taking it and was not watching my copper (NAC increases metallothionein and causes poor copper absorption) and molybdenum levels (NAC raises generation of sulfite and it needs molybdenum to be detoxified). Some NAC formulations have molybdenum in them but I was not lucky to get one of those and, due to lack of knowledge, did not supplement any molybdenum. The result was high sulphite and from that high ROS (with a combo of benfo which further increased sulphite it caused me peripheral neuropathy at 5 months). Sulphite causes Fenton reactions when complex IV gets blocked up. H2S (a signalling molecule and a vasodilator) also needs to be detoxified by a CoQ-10 dependent enzyme and turned later into sulphite and then sulphate by molybdenum and complex IV (dependent on copper) and if it is not detoxified, it causes a complex IV blockage and starts Fenton reactions as well as electron leakage during production of ATP, causing ROS. This causes a negative feedback loop that was described in the linked at the end article as follows [CoQ10 Deficiency Is Sulfur Toxicity]:

«This can be explained as follows:
1) hydrogen sulfide inhibition of complex IV generates superoxide in the respiratory chain, which becomes hydrogen peroxide,
2) hydrogen sulfide reduces ferric iron to ferrous iron, which makes it release from storage in ferritin,
3) this increases Fenton reactions between free iron and hydrogen peroxide, which generate more dangerous reactive oxygen species like the hydroxyl radical,
4) all of this deplete glutathione,
5) since a major purpose of the trans-sulfuration pathway is to provide enough cysteine to make glutathione, glutathione depletion hyperactivates the trans-sulfuration pathway, leading to more cysteine availability, the excess of which is catabolized to sulfite by alternative reactions that do not produce hydrogen sulfide and therefore do not require CoQ10.»

1. In the article linked below, you will see that CoQ-10 protects against reactive oxygen species mainly due to improving hydrogen sulphide clearance (H2S). Therefore, CoQ-10 deficiency did not cause much ROS in complexes I and II but mainly produced issues in Complex III (where sulphite detoxification starts) and complex IV (where the last electrons are delivered during the sulphite-sulphate reaction). Excerpt: «In human cells with CoQ10 synthesis defects from the same study, CoQ10 protected against reactive oxygen species, but suppressing the enzyme that uses CoQ10 to clear hydrogen sulfide abolished this effect. This shows that the reactive oxygen species were coming from poor hydrogen sulfide clearance.»

Considering this, and oh my god, finding this article was like god sent it to me: my CoQ10 flares were coming from poor hydrogen sulphide clearance. At that point there were multiple reasons this could be happening:

1. Cellular CoQ-10 deficiency;
   
2. Manganese toxicity which causes CoQ-10 deficiency [read "Manganese Toxicity Is a CoQ10 Deficiency" linked below];
   
3. Copper deficiency;
   
4. Molybdenum deficiency;
   
5. SUOX (enzyme which converts sulphite to sulphate) or another genetic impairment;
   
6. Blockage of complex IV by something else.
   

I checked my molybdenum and copper transporting genes, SUOX using DBSNP and my AncestryDNA.txt file, and they were all good (Yes, I know Ancestry does not do a full genomic profile but it still had the main SNPs for that). I also checked my manganese transporter genes and seemed I was homozygous for an important one but fine with others. It is really hard to estimate how that might affect you IRL, perhaps that would require a really good genetic counsellor (or lots of hours spent ruminating again). I also did not think I had any genetic issue since I was very very healthy all my life and had 0 pain or health issues before flox occurred (I have extremely healthy young looking parents that drink, smoke and do whatever they want and have 0 consequences to their health as well).
I took some tests, for example: Genova NutrEval at ~6 months out, full nutrient blood test panel at ~11 months out (abstained for 35 days from any supplements at all, even vitamins and tested literally everything, paid around €1,200) and my CoQ10 levels at both of those occurrences were at 1 & 1.07 in absence of supplementation with ref. range 0.8-1.4, so it was definitely not low. That way I eliminated #1 and #5. While I was not entirely sure whether genetic issues had to do anything with it, I decided to pretend like they didn’t, since I had to try out other solutions before jumping to the most complex one. I took a lot of molybdenum, so molybdenum deficiency was not at the table for me. In this way I was left with #2, #3 and #6. In the full blood panel, my manganese was slightly high (20.1 with ref. Range <~18) and the SNP people were talking about that caused them manganese toxicity was homozygous for me, so I definitely considered it but manganese when supplemented made me a feel a lot better, actually (mentally, not physically), so I was also likely deficient in it. For now, I just avoid it in supplemental doses but I do not avoid foods containing it. Besides, I do not have iron overload genes that could contribute to manganese toxicity. My CoQ-10 levels were good enough, too, so it was unlikely to be manganese toxicity.
I could not take copper because it would lead to high ROS immediately (due to complex IV blockage the reasons for which I will outline further). Considering manganese was likely deficient and not superfluous, I discarded reason #2 and reason #3 could not be fixed by copper, so it was definitely not only copper deficiency but either another factor or another factor coupled with copper deficiency. I was stuck for a long time until I found another article from the same author about B12 and B9 helping to detoxify oxalate. As I said before all this explanation, I have been oxalate dumping throughout the whole process (already 4 months). I should note I was oxalate dumping even before I got floxed (I likely had oxalate overload due to my appendix surgery — this is proven by inflamed mesenteric lymph nodes confirmed by 3 MRIs — Sally Norton has the same case of over-absorption in her book) and that is how I actually got the E. Coli they gave me Cipro for (oxalate crystals create a good environment for it in the urinary tract lol) and how I got floxed (I went full circle, lmao). When I was floxed, I was not oxalate dumping for at least a year likely because my body was not in the state to handle the dumping process but it was still affecting me as I will outline further. First of all, I want to say that biotin actually promoted dumping for me as said in the article and not relieved it like it is said in Sally Norton’s book (I am not sure if there is a genetic variation to this). The proposed mechanism of oxalate detoxification in the article is as follows:
«Recall my proposed two-step detoxification process:

1. Pyruvate carboxylase [biotin-dependent] converts oxalate to formate.
   
2. Formate is joined to tetrahydrofolate to enter the methylation cycle, be used for the synthesis of purines or DNA, or be converted to carbon dioxide and exhaled in the breath.»
   

This are also very important words: «There may be more regulation layered on top of this to prevent excessive formate accumulation. It would certainly be preferable to have oxalate crystals cause pain or disrupt the skin than to have formate accumulate beyond the capacity to clear it.» This is why I felt best when dumping. Could eat anything, drink beer, even smoked weed once without issue. Another time though I got too brave, smoked a lot of weed and got a very bad ‘relapse’ but recovered quickly from it. The next morning when using a towel after a shower I had the same pain I used to have 2.5 months out from Cipro (which was extremely bad and took me back 14 months in memories) while before I smoked weed that second time I had almost 0 tendon pain in my daily life apart from oxalate [Here I thought maybe I and DrHungry share similar issues then? He also had an extreme (same in intensity relatively to his flox journey) flare from weed and is also using a lot of sulphur-based antioxidants still. Could such weed flares be related to complex IV dysfunction and/or impaired sulphite clearance?]. In either case, I felt best when dumping, probably because my body was able to regulate formate accumulation and ROS production greatly reduced at those times.
I was sitting outside with my parents and their friends, researching my flox issue when I read these lines: «Formate accumulation is the principle mechanism of methanol toxicity. Part of its toxicity is driven by inhibiting cytochrome oxidase, complex IV of the mitochondrial respiratory chain, which would inhibit the clearance of sulfite and hydrogen sulfide and block the production of ATP.» It finally clicked. It was honestly one of the best moments in my life when I realised. I made the connection between great improvement from B5, formate accumulation, issues with copper supplementation, general ROS improvement from dumping and oxalate everything together. Suddenly, my whole flox journey became crystal clear to me.
B5 is mainly used in the body to create Coenzyme A. An intermediate molecule in the production of CoA is called 4’-phosphopantethine and is used in the enzyme 10-methyltetrahydrofolate dehydrogenase (high formate will pair with THF and form 10-MTHF in the attempt of the body to detoxify formate). This enzyme converts 10-MTHF back to THF and creates NADPH in the process which is used by Glutathione Reductase to regenerate Glutathione. Hence, high-dose B5 led to a lot of those reactions occurring and me feeling a big relief from ROS AND OXALATE, so oxalate is indeed detoxified into formate by biotin-dependent pyruvate carboxylase.
Okay, so theory is very interesting but what is theory if it has no proof? When I read it, I realised I finally cracked my flox but I had to get real proof.
Just a few weeks before this, I drank some wine and got nerve damage (likely from high sulphites in it, again, duh — while this was a terrible experience, it played a role in me getting closer to the solution of my issues). Beer caused me no issues, could drink 10 or more bottles in one sitting, eat a lot of rice when drunk with no issue. Before, I had only numb hands and top of feet. After the wine, I had burning up to the knee and burning in palms and behind my shoulders. I got fed up with this, I just decided to methylate the fuck out of my nerves and eat copper not in supplements but from calamari (very high in copper but low in vit A, so no toxicity risk like from liver). At that time, I was dumping and my ROS was not too high. I started consuming around 200g protein per day, eating a lot of copper 3-4mg/day and my nerves really healed a lot. To the point they even became normal after 3-4 days. My vision became brighter, it was absolutely crazy. I was also supplementing 150mg molybdenum/day. After a week of that, though, I started getting ROS back and it was very bad ROS, like almost a year ago when I had low molybdenum and copper from a lot of NAC use. That confirmed my suspicion that my issue was indeed sulphite. Eating almost anything caused ROS for me, dumping stopped since the body had no free reducing agents (NADPH) to support sulphate-producing enzymes (oxalate is transported on sulphate transporters, so it literally could not drive out of the cell because it had no car lol). As you understand, high ROS prevents a lot of enzymes from working and here it causes, as you have probably understood, a negative feedback loop.
So, back to the proof. Since I realised that my issue is probably formate, I just decided to take high-dose B5 again (did not add any high dose B2, B1 or other B vitamins, just took my usual B complex with food). It really helped me a lot, again. I felt almost normal. Then, it caused me some pain but I felt how I was getting better and the next day I took it in the day, then in the evening I ate around 80g carbs and took double the dose of B complex (my B complex has low doses: 10mg B1, 10mg B2, 25mg B3, 20mg B5, 5mg B6, 100mcg B7, 100mcg B9, 50mcg B12) instead of adding a lot of B5 and boom, no pain and oxalate dumping restarted quite more strongly than it even used to be before mega-dosing protein. So I was in pain for at least 2 weeks dying from ROS and then 2 days of B5 and suddenly I was normal again and dumping restarted? It felt like paradise with a twist. The next day, I went out with my friends. I was a little nervous since we were going to eat out and we ordered 600g of carbonara (the portions were huge there). I ate it all at once with 2x my light B complex and guess what happened? NO PAIN, just oxalate dumping. I finally realised that I was right and detoxifying formate unloaded my complex IV, allowed sulphate transporters to be created, reduced ROS production from food and suddenly I felt like a normal human being (except the dumping part). I recently retried CoQ10 — no flare. Likely before formate got recreated a lot because I was dumping a lot (if you read my comment linked above, you will understand).
I am not megadosing B5 right now but just stuck to 80-100mg B5 per day, so 4x my light B complex as my B6 tolerance improved a lot. Why I am not megadosing B5 is because oxalate likely blocks conversion of vitamin B2 into its active forms as I, at ~11 months out, when I did full-testing in the absence of supplementation 35 days pre-testing had high molybdenum, iodine, (almost above the ref. Range (113 with ref. Range <120) selenium and very high B2 even though I was cellularly deficient according to Genova NutrEval (at 356 with ref. Range <295).
Considering everything above, we can understand what happened to me from the beginning:

1. Oxalate overload led to formate overload as oxalate is converted to formate through the action of biotin-dependent pyruvate carboxylase;
   
2. Formate overload led to complex IV blockage, high ROS and high sulphite, which also leads to high ROS and also leads to complex IV blockage (negative feedback loop);
   
3. High sulphite destroys vitamins B1 & B6 as said in the beginning, which caused endogenous production of oxalate to skyrocket (you can read about this if you google, this information is very available);
   
4. Hence sulphate transporters also got impaired, oxalate detoxification in the form of physical crystals also halted, which led to even higher overload;
   
5. This led to higher formate, this led to even more ROS.
   

Mega-dosing B vitamins and especially B5 and B9 led to formate detoxification and the ability of my body to detoxify oxalate. This improved me a lot and it definitely feels like it will inevitably lead to my recovery. I feel good now, I still have some remaining neuropathy but it’s minimal and I know what to avoid to not make it worse and how to improve it quickly if I need to. I have no OS from beer, coffee or food. Also, I am dumping a lot right now. You can ask me all kinds of questions that you want and I will try to answer them to my best ability since I know what it is like to be floxed and I will help anyone who is in the same situation.
I am only 22 years old and this experience led to me rethinking my whole life. I plan to become an extremely rich person to be able to fund biochemical research in the future and will focus specifically on floxed individuals and I will help floxed people first. I will try to reach my goals as fast as possible, I promise. While flox was very difficult, painful and frustrating, I only took the good things out of them. I already realized it but it confirmed that we only have one life and there is no place for negative emotions or indecision.
I hope this post does not get removed by moderators. If there is anything to moderate, change, or add, I will be happy to do that. I can provide my analyses if needed as well as proof. All I say here is very attentively selected and fact-checked either from external sources or personal experience. I do not lie and have no motivation to do so. I am only trying to share my knowledge and to help realise others flox is not unbeatable and can be understood and solved — it all depends on individual factors.
Linked articles:
Manganese Toxicity Is a CoQ10 Deficiency
https://chrismasterjohnphd.substack.com/p/manganese-toxicity-is-a-coq10-deficiency
CoQ10 Deficiency Is Sulfur Toxicity
https://chrismasterjohnphd.substa2ck.com/p/coq10-deficiency-is-sulfur-toxicity?utm_source=profile&utm_medium=reader
10-Formyltetrahydrofolate dehydrogenase
https://lpi.oregonstate.edu/mic/vitamins/pantothenic-acid#formyltetrahydrofolate-dehydrogenase
Can Biotin Help Detoxify Oxalate?
https://chrismasterjohnphd.substack.com/p/can-biotin-help-detoxify-oxalate
Can B12 and Folate Help Detoxify Oxalate?
https://chrismasterjohnphd.substack.com/p/can-b12-and-folate-help-detoxify
Just an extra fact: My ALT was consistently high >50 for a year after flox. Dropped to 30 when dumping occured.

This is my first time using reddit and by doing this—typing all this shit down in here—I feel like I could at least feel less burdened.
I don't know how to start because my mind is a mess right now, so basically:
I am genuinely in love with studying and writing in general (this doesn't necessarily make me an exemplary student tho), however I am currently failing in my academic duties. I have not submitted a single assessment this year nor have I really worked on what I personally wanted to do with my undergrad thesis, and the only thing I do is answer my professors' exams.
I am also the current Editor-in-chief of our college's publication. A leadership position I am unfortunately failing at. I have made so many narrow-minded decisions, and I feel like I should stop my clownery act and resign already despite my deepest wishes not to.
I blame everything on my own laziness, stupidity, and some of my other unresolved issues, some of which I couldn't even identify.

Regarding my academic life: I just can't find the drive to simply START my assessments immediately to thr point that I just forget about them and not submit. It seems that I just keep on procrastinating—putting everything off to the side. However, when I do get to start answering an assessment: I just enjoy constructing every single sentence, and if we are given the freedom to add designs, then it's all the better. But with just a few hours in, I just stop. I get mind-blocked. And as aforementioned: I do every other thing besides that assessment until I just forget about it and end up without anything to submit.
It sounds stupid, but it's something I've been deeply struggling with for a whole year now. It's unfortunate as well, since we now have professors who actually care for the things we do, read the shit we submit and gives helpful comments on them.
I am currently trying to catch up with the heap of shit I got to submit.
As for my publication life: I've had the great opportunity to meet great people from every other program/course from both the lower and higher years. Some of those people are now members and officers of the publication, and most of the people I have met are simply, amazing, not for just putting up with my shit and by being kind and open-minded, but for also giving the publication a chance.
I love the publication and the members and officers we have, and I could probably say that I mostly abide by its motto about the truth, but no matter how much I love—how I feel about this publication, I am pretty sure I am currently bringing it more harm than good.
We have a system wherein we would timely post campus events we were requested to cover, but I haven't been able to keep up. I also don't think about asking anybody to post it on our page since I feel like they might be busy. This is especially harmful since my members took photos for those events, and I feel like I'm making them and their efforts feel exploited and unrecognized.
Speaking of our page, it has been so inactive to the point where the presence of the publication is non-existent.
A brand new non-official organization was established recently. They act similar to the publication in many ways, but we don't exactly compete with each other, however we indirectly do due to the vision we share. Most of my members have migrated and my officers have been scouted by that organization due to how the current leader runs things (which I look up to him for) and how thry have more creativr freedom and it has made me feel unneeded and more useless, but that's not their fault.
I've also recently felt so overwhelmed to the point where I've felt like I wanted to vomit everytime I woke up or even think about the publication. Our "Head" for our publication is also pretty much a mess and is someone who I would like to partly blame for the way I am concurrently due to her demeaning and irrational actions and treatment towards me, my officers, and the student leaders she manages directly.
As for my narrow-minded, tunnel-vision decisions, they are so bad to the point I simply want to disappear instead. In fact, I've been deeply considering about ending my life because of how I've fucked up what I envisioned for myself and how they've been affecting the people around me.

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Hi everyone, I'm recently thinking about moving to the UK and I'm wondering whether it would be possible to directly get Citizenship since my mother was born there.
I was born in Italy in 1998 and my mother was born in London in 1971, for which she have the UK citizenship even though she only lived there the first 3 years of her life.
I've looked into the government website (here) and it seems like for people born outside the UK between 1983 and 2006, having a British citizen parent "you're automatically a British citizen", what does that automatically mean?
Should I apply for a letter to confirm I have never acquired British nationality (form NQ) even though it says "Select this option if you need proof that you have not gained British citizenship while in the UK."
Has anyone gone through this process already or know if it is actually possible to obtain Citizenship in this way? Am I already eligible to work there? Should I request some kind of certification? Any advice is appreciated :-)
EDIT: "Applying for a letter to confirm your immigration status (form NS)" is probably what I'm supposed to do, am I not?