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2024.05.29 06:00 Choice_Evidence1983 [New Update]: AITAH for refusing to help my FIL with a vehicle?
I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/Chemical-Scarcity964
Originally posted to AITAH
Previous BoRU
[New Update]: AITAH for refusing to help my FIL with a vehicle?
Trigger Warnings: emotional manipulation, deaths of loved ones, financial struggles, cancer
RECAP
Original Post: December 3, 2023
I (38F) have been married to my husband (43M) for almost 15 years. My FIL has never really accepted me as family. He referred to me as "my son's wife" for the first 5 years of my marriage & when he convinced us to go halves on a property insisted on only his & my husband's names on a survivors deed, "in case we divorced". In the last few years, he has struggled financially due mostly to poor choices he made. His wife, husband's step mom, is much older & has medical problems leading him to choose to work mostly from home. He has traded in vehicles numerous times in the last few years, supposedly trying to lower his payments, but is always upside-down on the loans that it doesn't work. He is paying close to $1000 a month on a minivan. Now here is my problem.
My FIL is currently trying to guilt trip my husband into giving him one of several vehicles I inherited. I had two uncles pass away 3 weeks apart during the holidays more than a year ago & I am still going through the probate process because they passed so close together. I do not have the court's permission to do anything with their vehicles yet.
He told my husband how much it would help him to have one of the vehicles so that he could let his car go back on repo & not have to make the payments. I may have considered it too, if he had waited more than a couple weeks after my both uncles passed away. I was, quite litterally, knee deep in a horders paradise, trying to clean out their apartment within the month to avoid having to pay rent because i couldnt afford it and had no access to their money (strike one). He picked out which vehicle he wanted, the most valuable of the 4, rather than asking if we had plans for them yet (strike two). Then he asked my husband to give him said vehicle (strike three). As a cherry on top, asked my husband again (still has never asked me) to give him a $10k vehicle after we pay for all the little repairs it needs, of course.
Here is where I might me the Asshole: Do I need the vehicle? No. Could I use the money from its sale? Yes, but I could live without it, too, as our finances are better now. Will I sign it over to him? Never. This is far from the first time that man has shown utter disrespect for me & he can pay for rides before I give him any vehicle. Yes, I am probably being a little childish. The only reason I hesitate, I actually like his wife & it would help her to some extent.
Edit to add: My husband has already told me that the vehicles are mine & I can do whatever I want with them.
Since it's been mentioned a few times: he has been bought out on the property & my name added.
Edit for clarity & to address the most common responses: My husband acts as a buffer against FIL for the sake of my sanity. He has told FIL multiple times that the vehicles are not his to do anything with, but the man is intentionally dense. His wife cannot legally own a car as it cannot be registered in her name (no license) I will not loan/rent him a vehicle as I can't trust that he will maintain it.
Relevant Comments
akhoneygirl: Offer him the worst for 3 or 4000!
Good luck!
How does he know what you're inheriting from your uncles. Why does he think he's entitles to any of it?
Update #1: December 11, 2023
You guys asked for an update, so here you go. I have had a long talk with my husband about FIL & his "request" for one of the vehicles I had inherited. I showed him my original post & he got a good laugh out of some of the suggestions (especially the toy car). We have agreed that the only way to handle his constant hints & requests, is for me to draft an email to him. For reference: FIL loves to send me rude & demanding emails when he "feels unheard."
The email will not be sent until I know that probate is done & is as "polite & civil" as I can possibly write it. The jist of the email I typed up is this:
"I understand that you have been asking husband to gift you one of my uncles' vehicles. Unfortunately, you have chosen to speak to the wrong person. I have told you before that, in some things, his business is his & mine is mine. The vehicles that you keep asking about are mine. As such, I have decided that they will be sold at a fair market value. The funds will be split evenly into savings accounts for my daughters, as a seed for their futures. I already have buyers lined up for the vehicles & will be arranging times for them to be collected shortly. I hope you can understand my desire to ensure that my childrens' futures are secure, as my uncles would have wanted."
I am tempted to sign it as "husband's wife" but am undecided right now.
Thank you to everyone who commented on my previous post. Your thoughts & support helped me a lot. I was genuinely on the fence as to whether or not I was being too sensitive about everything. You were all amazing & supportive about the entire mess. I just hope that this email to him puts an end to his covert begging once & for all (at least about this). And yes, my husband is behind me 100% and has no issues with my approach.
A few people have reached out to ask so here it goes.
Everything is finally settled. The vehicles are sold, except one I decided to keep for my oldest to learn on when she gets her permit.
I didn't send my FIL the email, although I do still have it saved. Turns out I won't have to. As of a few weeks ago, I am getting a divorce. My, now stbx, husband decided that he no longer wants to play house. He moved out & I am in the process of packing his things. Since the vehicles and my house were all inherited, he has no claim to them or the money from their sale. Yes I double checked the law in my state. If he would have waited a few more weeks, I would have paid off every debt we had, but he didn't. So he saved me a bunch of money by telling me before I commingled my inheritance funds with joint assets.
I don't know how his family will act towards me & our kids when he finally tells them all. His brother has called to make sure he is still allowed to keep in touch but he is the only one I've heard from so far.
Oh and as a bonus: the week before I found out about my impending divorce, my mother (who I was never close to) was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She passed away a week later. She was 58 years old, the same age my uncles were. So, yeah, it's basically just me & my kids against the world now.
Anyway, that's the update.
Relevant Comments
OOP on moving forward with her life and personal issues going on in her family especially health issues
submitted by Choice_Evidence1983 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
Originally posted to AITAH
Previous BoRU
[New Update]: AITAH for refusing to help my FIL with a vehicle?
Trigger Warnings: emotional manipulation, deaths of loved ones, financial struggles, cancer
Original Post: December 3, 2023
I (38F) have been married to my husband (43M) for almost 15 years. My FIL has never really accepted me as family. He referred to me as "my son's wife" for the first 5 years of my marriage & when he convinced us to go halves on a property insisted on only his & my husband's names on a survivors deed, "in case we divorced". In the last few years, he has struggled financially due mostly to poor choices he made. His wife, husband's step mom, is much older & has medical problems leading him to choose to work mostly from home. He has traded in vehicles numerous times in the last few years, supposedly trying to lower his payments, but is always upside-down on the loans that it doesn't work. He is paying close to $1000 a month on a minivan. Now here is my problem.
My FIL is currently trying to guilt trip my husband into giving him one of several vehicles I inherited. I had two uncles pass away 3 weeks apart during the holidays more than a year ago & I am still going through the probate process because they passed so close together. I do not have the court's permission to do anything with their vehicles yet.
He told my husband how much it would help him to have one of the vehicles so that he could let his car go back on repo & not have to make the payments. I may have considered it too, if he had waited more than a couple weeks after my both uncles passed away. I was, quite litterally, knee deep in a horders paradise, trying to clean out their apartment within the month to avoid having to pay rent because i couldnt afford it and had no access to their money (strike one). He picked out which vehicle he wanted, the most valuable of the 4, rather than asking if we had plans for them yet (strike two). Then he asked my husband to give him said vehicle (strike three). As a cherry on top, asked my husband again (still has never asked me) to give him a $10k vehicle after we pay for all the little repairs it needs, of course.
Here is where I might me the Asshole: Do I need the vehicle? No. Could I use the money from its sale? Yes, but I could live without it, too, as our finances are better now. Will I sign it over to him? Never. This is far from the first time that man has shown utter disrespect for me & he can pay for rides before I give him any vehicle. Yes, I am probably being a little childish. The only reason I hesitate, I actually like his wife & it would help her to some extent.
Edit to add: My husband has already told me that the vehicles are mine & I can do whatever I want with them.
Since it's been mentioned a few times: he has been bought out on the property & my name added.
Edit for clarity & to address the most common responses: My husband acts as a buffer against FIL for the sake of my sanity. He has told FIL multiple times that the vehicles are not his to do anything with, but the man is intentionally dense. His wife cannot legally own a car as it cannot be registered in her name (no license) I will not loan/rent him a vehicle as I can't trust that he will maintain it.
Relevant Comments
akhoneygirl: Offer him the worst for 3 or 4000!
OP: That's part of it. He wants us to fix & give him the vehicle. All of them need at least a few hundred in repairs. He has no interest in paying us for anything. He is just set on guilt tripping his son. My husband has told me everything from the start & said it's all up to me, my uncles, my vehicles, my decision.SawwhetMA: So FIL set you up to lose out on a property if your SO passed away before FIL did? I'm glad to hear you bought him out and that's set now . If you find it in your heart to give him one of the vehicles then you may be a better person than I because I'm not sure if I could, given the history. What if (when probate is set and all) you offer to rent him one of the vehicles? Obviously that isn't what he wants, but you'd get some income but still own it to sell it when he was done with the vehicle?
Good luck!
OP: He would run it into the ground & I would end up having to go get it when he refused to pay. It's just frustrating because I like his wife & would consider doing it to help her, if he would just man up & ask. Instead, he tries to play the poor me card.Dixieland_Insanity: INFO:
How does he know what you're inheriting from your uncles. Why does he think he's entitles to any of it?
OP: He knew my uncles fairly well since they were basically the last of my family. He doesn't really know what the full inheritance is, but the vehicles were the most obvious. He has told him no a couple of times. Everything FIL gets tight on funds he asks again.Cdn_Giants_Fan: Not The A•H. But that said I would probably sell him one of the vehicles for its bluebook value and say pay 100 bucks a week. And if he says anything about it saybthat perhaps if you weren't such an asshat to me I would've just let you have it. Then if he starts being nice after it's partially paid off tell him hes good. He learns a lesson and you earn some money.
OP: I would never see a dime. He thinks that being "the father" means he is owed something from my husband and, by extension, me. Honestly, even if he offered me full value in cash, I would probably laugh at him & tell him to shove off.VadersLoversLover: Gift it to your MIL with a lien on it so he can’t change to title.
OP: Due to a medical issue, she can't drive and had to surrender her license. That makes it impossible to register it in her name because she can't be insured as a driver.
Update #1: December 11, 2023
You guys asked for an update, so here you go. I have had a long talk with my husband about FIL & his "request" for one of the vehicles I had inherited. I showed him my original post & he got a good laugh out of some of the suggestions (especially the toy car). We have agreed that the only way to handle his constant hints & requests, is for me to draft an email to him. For reference: FIL loves to send me rude & demanding emails when he "feels unheard."
The email will not be sent until I know that probate is done & is as "polite & civil" as I can possibly write it. The jist of the email I typed up is this:
"I understand that you have been asking husband to gift you one of my uncles' vehicles. Unfortunately, you have chosen to speak to the wrong person. I have told you before that, in some things, his business is his & mine is mine. The vehicles that you keep asking about are mine. As such, I have decided that they will be sold at a fair market value. The funds will be split evenly into savings accounts for my daughters, as a seed for their futures. I already have buyers lined up for the vehicles & will be arranging times for them to be collected shortly. I hope you can understand my desire to ensure that my childrens' futures are secure, as my uncles would have wanted."
I am tempted to sign it as "husband's wife" but am undecided right now.
Thank you to everyone who commented on my previous post. Your thoughts & support helped me a lot. I was genuinely on the fence as to whether or not I was being too sensitive about everything. You were all amazing & supportive about the entire mess. I just hope that this email to him puts an end to his covert begging once & for all (at least about this). And yes, my husband is behind me 100% and has no issues with my approach.
----NEW UPDATE----
Final Update: May 22, 2024 (five months later)A few people have reached out to ask so here it goes.
Everything is finally settled. The vehicles are sold, except one I decided to keep for my oldest to learn on when she gets her permit.
I didn't send my FIL the email, although I do still have it saved. Turns out I won't have to. As of a few weeks ago, I am getting a divorce. My, now stbx, husband decided that he no longer wants to play house. He moved out & I am in the process of packing his things. Since the vehicles and my house were all inherited, he has no claim to them or the money from their sale. Yes I double checked the law in my state. If he would have waited a few more weeks, I would have paid off every debt we had, but he didn't. So he saved me a bunch of money by telling me before I commingled my inheritance funds with joint assets.
I don't know how his family will act towards me & our kids when he finally tells them all. His brother has called to make sure he is still allowed to keep in touch but he is the only one I've heard from so far.
Oh and as a bonus: the week before I found out about my impending divorce, my mother (who I was never close to) was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She passed away a week later. She was 58 years old, the same age my uncles were. So, yeah, it's basically just me & my kids against the world now.
Anyway, that's the update.
Relevant Comments
OOP on moving forward with her life and personal issues going on in her family especially health issues
OOP: Thank you. Its kinda sad that your kind words are enough to make me want to cry because it's expected that I am the strong one for everyone else. I don't really get to give myself time to be weak. And you are right. If it were not for my kids, I probably would have been completely broken.
My uncles had other health problems, no cancer at all that I know of & most of our family lived into their 70s and 80s. I am definitely working on getting my little health concerns checked out, though.
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
2024.05.29 05:59 penguinetta Songs that you now relate to pregnancy
I was listening to the radio in the car, and The Waiting by Tom Petty came on...I am very sure that song is about sex and not about pregnancy but at this point, my brain connects everything to pregnancy. And I actually teared up a little thinking about how hard it is waiting to meet my baby. I used to listen to that song when her father and I were in a long distance relationship, and now we are together, married and waiting for our little girl.
Which songs are not about pregnancy but your brain is convinced that actually they are?
Oh baby, don't it feel like heaven right now? Don't it feel like somethin' from a dream? Yeah, I've never known nothing quite like this Don't it feel like tonight might never be again? Baby, we know better than to try and pretend Honey, no one could have ever told me 'bout this I said, yeah, yeah (yeah, yeah) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah The waiting is the hardest part Every day you see one more card You take it on faith, you take it to the heart The waiting is the hardest part Well yeah, I might have chased a couple of women around All it ever got me was down Yeah, then there were those that made me feel good But never as good as I feel right now Baby, you're the only one that's ever known how To make me wanna live like I wanna live now I said, yeah, yeah (yeah, yeah) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah The waiting is the hardest part Every day you get one more yard You take it on faith, you take it to the heart The waiting is the hardest part Oh, don't let it kill you, baby, don't let it get to you Don't let 'em kill you, baby, don't let 'em get to you I'll be your bleedin' heart, I'll be your cryin' fool Don't let this go too far, don't let it get to you Yeah, yeah (yeah, yeah) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
submitted by penguinetta to pregnant [link] [comments]
Which songs are not about pregnancy but your brain is convinced that actually they are?
Oh baby, don't it feel like heaven right now? Don't it feel like somethin' from a dream? Yeah, I've never known nothing quite like this Don't it feel like tonight might never be again? Baby, we know better than to try and pretend Honey, no one could have ever told me 'bout this I said, yeah, yeah (yeah, yeah) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah The waiting is the hardest part Every day you see one more card You take it on faith, you take it to the heart The waiting is the hardest part Well yeah, I might have chased a couple of women around All it ever got me was down Yeah, then there were those that made me feel good But never as good as I feel right now Baby, you're the only one that's ever known how To make me wanna live like I wanna live now I said, yeah, yeah (yeah, yeah) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah The waiting is the hardest part Every day you get one more yard You take it on faith, you take it to the heart The waiting is the hardest part Oh, don't let it kill you, baby, don't let it get to you Don't let 'em kill you, baby, don't let 'em get to you I'll be your bleedin' heart, I'll be your cryin' fool Don't let this go too far, don't let it get to you Yeah, yeah (yeah, yeah) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
2024.05.29 05:58 butterflyscarfbaby Bed time “I’m scared” check ins advice needed
Hello! I am facing challenges with my 3.5 year old at bed time. TL;DR how do I reduce the number of check ins/him saying he’s scared repeatedly and have a fastemore peaceful bedtime?
He goes through phases of not wanting to be left alone in his room. Solid bed time routine, wind down/quiet time with snack, tooth brushing, snuggle in bed with a book, talk about the day/sing a song. We have a sound machine going, temp is good.
He goes to bed at 8ish and usually lights out/good night by 8:15. But he resists sleeping until 8:45-9 most nights. He calls out for mom/dad every 1-3 mins. With much much much reassurance the stretches get longer until my last check in when he is sleeping.
He still naps during the day 1ish-3ish pm. We tried capping and reducing naps hoping for a more tired bed time. Reducing nap length did initially help but eventually led to behaviour problems (constant whining, complaining, fighting, breaking down in tears all day) even when reducing naps only every 2nd day. Behaviour has been much better since reinstating full naps so I think he’s just not ready.
He wakes up between 5-6am most days. Usually closer to 6.
He’s always saying he can’t sleep because he is scared. I have given many comfort items, photos of us with notes that remind him I’ll be back, a charm bracelet to remember me by, lullabies on a Bluetooth speaker, a shirt of mine that I wore so it smells like me, countless stuffed animals, night lights. Initially these helped, now they are wearing off.
I tried reducing TV time and it made no difference, though we’re not big for TV regardless day to day.
We have tried pushing bed time later but that just results in the whole song and dance taking place later. It doesn’t make him more tired or fall asleep more easily.
We’ve talked about bed time and how I need him to settle down, that it’s ok if he can’t sleep but he needs to be quiet in bed. I’ve asked what would help him feel safe, offered tons of reassurance. Explained the numbers on the clock and let him know I’d be back when it says x:xx to check on him.
We have also tried staying in his room With him at times when we’ve given up going for the dozens of check ins. But that makes it so so much worse the next night, he feels totally unsafe all over again and hugely set back.
I don’t want to let him cry because while I think some kids would realize that they are okay, and go to sleep, he has always been so sensitive I think he would be more and more afraid and make it worse. usually if he ends up crying for any length of time for any reason, he will also puke. So it’s just not really an option.
I just want to have a peaceful bed time where I get a little time to myself after the kids are sleeping. For a long time, he used to go to bed after our night time routine. He has gone through phases of this before but never so long. He was thrown out of whack a little over a month ago when we all got a stomach bug and we allowed him into our bed when he was sick overnight, and we haven’t got back to our normal bed times since.
His little brother who is 1 yr old goes to sleep independently in his room with zero fuss. I know I shouldn’t compare but man oh man. I am not sure what else to offer him to encourage independence in this area.
submitted by butterflyscarfbaby to gentleparenting [link] [comments]
He goes through phases of not wanting to be left alone in his room. Solid bed time routine, wind down/quiet time with snack, tooth brushing, snuggle in bed with a book, talk about the day/sing a song. We have a sound machine going, temp is good.
He goes to bed at 8ish and usually lights out/good night by 8:15. But he resists sleeping until 8:45-9 most nights. He calls out for mom/dad every 1-3 mins. With much much much reassurance the stretches get longer until my last check in when he is sleeping.
He still naps during the day 1ish-3ish pm. We tried capping and reducing naps hoping for a more tired bed time. Reducing nap length did initially help but eventually led to behaviour problems (constant whining, complaining, fighting, breaking down in tears all day) even when reducing naps only every 2nd day. Behaviour has been much better since reinstating full naps so I think he’s just not ready.
He wakes up between 5-6am most days. Usually closer to 6.
He’s always saying he can’t sleep because he is scared. I have given many comfort items, photos of us with notes that remind him I’ll be back, a charm bracelet to remember me by, lullabies on a Bluetooth speaker, a shirt of mine that I wore so it smells like me, countless stuffed animals, night lights. Initially these helped, now they are wearing off.
I tried reducing TV time and it made no difference, though we’re not big for TV regardless day to day.
We have tried pushing bed time later but that just results in the whole song and dance taking place later. It doesn’t make him more tired or fall asleep more easily.
We’ve talked about bed time and how I need him to settle down, that it’s ok if he can’t sleep but he needs to be quiet in bed. I’ve asked what would help him feel safe, offered tons of reassurance. Explained the numbers on the clock and let him know I’d be back when it says x:xx to check on him.
We have also tried staying in his room With him at times when we’ve given up going for the dozens of check ins. But that makes it so so much worse the next night, he feels totally unsafe all over again and hugely set back.
I don’t want to let him cry because while I think some kids would realize that they are okay, and go to sleep, he has always been so sensitive I think he would be more and more afraid and make it worse. usually if he ends up crying for any length of time for any reason, he will also puke. So it’s just not really an option.
I just want to have a peaceful bed time where I get a little time to myself after the kids are sleeping. For a long time, he used to go to bed after our night time routine. He has gone through phases of this before but never so long. He was thrown out of whack a little over a month ago when we all got a stomach bug and we allowed him into our bed when he was sick overnight, and we haven’t got back to our normal bed times since.
His little brother who is 1 yr old goes to sleep independently in his room with zero fuss. I know I shouldn’t compare but man oh man. I am not sure what else to offer him to encourage independence in this area.
2024.05.29 05:56 Fillasophical Need hope
For about 2 years I have done nothing. I have been unemployed and have had an income through government supports which i no longer have and have lost my house my cats and my girlfriend. In December I stopped taking my medications because I was sure they were causing my issues. It seems like all my issues sky rocketed once I took risperidone for a few months. I feel like I have no personality, no thoughts, no feelings, except rage and distress. My life feels like a constant state of being in agony in my mind. I read and read and read and all I come to find is that apathy is permanent and you can't get rid of it. If this is the case why should I keep on living. What life is this? I can't do anything because I don't know what to do or rather I think why do anything. If my existence as a human is lacking the part what makes it a human experience then why do I exist. My whole life ive been babied. Mother paying my bills when I cant and making appointments for me and what not.
Ive spent so much time on NPD or ASPD or schizoid or AvPD that I'm convinced I have some sort of cluster b personality disorder and all I can think of is why would I even try to live my life when I am nothing more than a walking pathology and don't really have a personality just a brain that works off IF statements like a line of code.
People get to experience life without having to second guess themselves all the time but that's the only thing I can do, to the point where i simply don't do anything because I'm not really doing anything I'm just acting.
I cold turkeryed lamotragine, sertraline and this other medications for sleep, I can't even remember what I was on and now I feel like I have brain damage. I can't think I can't enjoy anything I cant feel love for anyone, but I also wonder if I ever did. And it's debilitating, I constantly wonder If I ever was someone with a "soul" or if I have always been just a robot with a reactionary function to the world. If this person says this then say this back. Everything seems so fake and unreal and I honestly think I have a block in-between my brain and reality.
When I got evicted I moved into my friends parents place where he stays and now I'm stuck and can't stand it anymore. Was he even my friend though or just someone who also partied alot. I don't want to be around people I don't want to have to explain to these Christians that I can't just go to church and be cured and that my depression is a choice. For the past 2 years I've been stuck in some purgatory state and it doesn't make any sense how any living being could even feel this way. It's literally hell on earth.
I cant move out because I don't have an income and I can't get an income because in all honesty If I had a job I would quit after a week. 1 year ago I almost had a job and I did an interview and the first day of work on the way there I turned around went home and blocked all the phone numbers associated with it.
I cant get supports because by the time I'm half way through the process I realize nothing matters reality isn't real my thoughts are fake I'm a psychopath anyway so why would I bother. I applied in December and didn't follow up and just did it again. 2 weeks ago.
When I graduated in 2019 I was drinking every weekend and in 2021 started trying drugs with my best friend, we did mushrooms and acid a couple times and a few times molly on the weekends. I've been drinking since grade 9, not every weekend but any chance I could, every party, every family event and holiday. Around 2020 I became a pothead and I would smoke insane amounts of weed, some days I smoked 3.5 grams a day some days I smoked 7 grams a day but more or less from 2020 to 2023 I would smoke non stop with no breaks unless around peopoe who disaproved, waking up in the night to smoke ,sometimes twice. I also took shrooms every like 3 months for a year or so and would be able to say that I've done them 3 times a year atleast from 2020 to 2023. All while being on these meds that I have been convince are neurotoxic and designed to give you brain damage. Oh and I've tried cocaine 3 times in the last year aswell. Never did much of it tho.
So I've lost all hope in living a life that is human. I feel void of myself I don't know who I am, I constantly feel like I'm pretending and acting to be human and can't connect with anyone and they would never know I feel this way.
The past 2 years I have don't nothing but sit at home with my blinds closed and hope no one is going to knock on my door as I sit for I hours a day staring at my phone googling and resding reddit and coming to the conclusion that I have some sort of psychosis or skitzophrenia or paranoia. My friends will call and I'll watch it ring until it stops and won't reply to my family. Because whats the point in trying to be human when I am no longer a human thanks to the cognitive issues I have to face.
And there's no hope online. You have anhedonia? It's the same everywhere I look, people replying to other people's posts or articles with "same here been 20 years now." So what's the point. How am I to know if it's depression or ASPD or NPD or Permanent Apathy from being chronically staring at my phone since I was 14 and watching gore and porn since I was that age. There's no knowing, there's no certainty in my own cognition or personality, not that i have one anymore. It's like do I have this cluster b? Who knows because if I did I wouldn't let a therapist know because I'm scared I do so I don't touch on it. Everything is a loop and a pardox of mental illnesses. I should have never read anything and I could have just been like "yup I'm depressed" now I have to worry if I should even try.
I moved to this place I'm in in december and just threw all my belongings in a room and I walked over everything until a couple weeks ago I threw out thousands of dollars worth of stuff because it's in the way and I dont have my own place anymore so things don't have a designated place. Threw out my computer, my tv, my model cars and all the model building supplies I had, airbrushes compressors hundreds of paints and brushes and clamps and just so much shit because those are people things let alone the human aspect of putting them somewhere.
Now I have cloths and a phone so running away will be easier. But where to go? Food costs money, I'm just tired of not feeling like a human and realizing everything I owned was just part of the act anyway. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. It's all that goes through my head all day long even if I did I wouldn't know it because I'm too far gone and it would be second guessed. I've now hyperfocused on the fact that laying down and staring at my phone for 2 years straight has, if not amplified, solidified my brain damage beyond repair. Because I feel nothing all day I just stare at my phone. But I can't do that anymore because now I'm expected to be a human in this household that I no longer want to be in. I'm completely isolated and I prefer that but I don't but I do but I don't but I do. It's like I want to be able to have friends and connect with someone but that's impossible because I'm just some empty emotionless husk with pure apathy and so I don't know what to do anymore.
I could get back on meds but isn't that the cause of this. The chemical lobotomy at its finest, causing you to need more of itself.
I dont see any hope anywhere because I want to be someone who has emotions but I have none and I want to be someone who has a human experience but I am not one. What do I do? Suicide? No there's ways to cope. I don't want to cope. What the fuck? You think coping with hell on earth is better than dieing? Why would I cope when all I have then is to look around at the world going "oh look that person feels this, thats something I can't do" because that's all that goes in inside.
I just say what I think someone is expecting to hear and then I think we'll isn't that what everyone is doing? Their all saying the same shit anyway but then I think we'll no they say what they say because they feel a certain way. Something I can't do, feel. Because im a sociopath. Being out if this household could help I'm sure but that's not even fathomable. Even with supports at max I can't afford a ppace of my own. I'd have to rent a room with a stranger, but it's funny because even those who aren't strangers are strangers now.
I shower once a week because why would I shower that's a human thing. I am not human anymore. I am void of humanity.
23 and dead. Who would have thought.
No one understands any of this so I just say I'm depressed and they think i shoukd try therapy and meds. Whats that going to do? Give my sociopathic brain the ability to not be a sociopath? If only they knew what distress and pain I feel every second of every day.
Ontop of all that even I was able to come back to myself it's just constant ocd of where should I place this and when or what or where should I do and what's the most optimized way to do this or that and why is that there instead of here and how do I know if here or there is better.
So now I guess I'll go back on ssris, and go back to thinking I'm poisoning myself and then repeat this cycle until death.
I'm just gonna run away and start stealing to eat because nothing matters anyway
submitted by Fillasophical to anhedonia [link] [comments]
Ive spent so much time on NPD or ASPD or schizoid or AvPD that I'm convinced I have some sort of cluster b personality disorder and all I can think of is why would I even try to live my life when I am nothing more than a walking pathology and don't really have a personality just a brain that works off IF statements like a line of code.
People get to experience life without having to second guess themselves all the time but that's the only thing I can do, to the point where i simply don't do anything because I'm not really doing anything I'm just acting.
I cold turkeryed lamotragine, sertraline and this other medications for sleep, I can't even remember what I was on and now I feel like I have brain damage. I can't think I can't enjoy anything I cant feel love for anyone, but I also wonder if I ever did. And it's debilitating, I constantly wonder If I ever was someone with a "soul" or if I have always been just a robot with a reactionary function to the world. If this person says this then say this back. Everything seems so fake and unreal and I honestly think I have a block in-between my brain and reality.
When I got evicted I moved into my friends parents place where he stays and now I'm stuck and can't stand it anymore. Was he even my friend though or just someone who also partied alot. I don't want to be around people I don't want to have to explain to these Christians that I can't just go to church and be cured and that my depression is a choice. For the past 2 years I've been stuck in some purgatory state and it doesn't make any sense how any living being could even feel this way. It's literally hell on earth.
I cant move out because I don't have an income and I can't get an income because in all honesty If I had a job I would quit after a week. 1 year ago I almost had a job and I did an interview and the first day of work on the way there I turned around went home and blocked all the phone numbers associated with it.
I cant get supports because by the time I'm half way through the process I realize nothing matters reality isn't real my thoughts are fake I'm a psychopath anyway so why would I bother. I applied in December and didn't follow up and just did it again. 2 weeks ago.
When I graduated in 2019 I was drinking every weekend and in 2021 started trying drugs with my best friend, we did mushrooms and acid a couple times and a few times molly on the weekends. I've been drinking since grade 9, not every weekend but any chance I could, every party, every family event and holiday. Around 2020 I became a pothead and I would smoke insane amounts of weed, some days I smoked 3.5 grams a day some days I smoked 7 grams a day but more or less from 2020 to 2023 I would smoke non stop with no breaks unless around peopoe who disaproved, waking up in the night to smoke ,sometimes twice. I also took shrooms every like 3 months for a year or so and would be able to say that I've done them 3 times a year atleast from 2020 to 2023. All while being on these meds that I have been convince are neurotoxic and designed to give you brain damage. Oh and I've tried cocaine 3 times in the last year aswell. Never did much of it tho.
So I've lost all hope in living a life that is human. I feel void of myself I don't know who I am, I constantly feel like I'm pretending and acting to be human and can't connect with anyone and they would never know I feel this way.
The past 2 years I have don't nothing but sit at home with my blinds closed and hope no one is going to knock on my door as I sit for I hours a day staring at my phone googling and resding reddit and coming to the conclusion that I have some sort of psychosis or skitzophrenia or paranoia. My friends will call and I'll watch it ring until it stops and won't reply to my family. Because whats the point in trying to be human when I am no longer a human thanks to the cognitive issues I have to face.
And there's no hope online. You have anhedonia? It's the same everywhere I look, people replying to other people's posts or articles with "same here been 20 years now." So what's the point. How am I to know if it's depression or ASPD or NPD or Permanent Apathy from being chronically staring at my phone since I was 14 and watching gore and porn since I was that age. There's no knowing, there's no certainty in my own cognition or personality, not that i have one anymore. It's like do I have this cluster b? Who knows because if I did I wouldn't let a therapist know because I'm scared I do so I don't touch on it. Everything is a loop and a pardox of mental illnesses. I should have never read anything and I could have just been like "yup I'm depressed" now I have to worry if I should even try.
I moved to this place I'm in in december and just threw all my belongings in a room and I walked over everything until a couple weeks ago I threw out thousands of dollars worth of stuff because it's in the way and I dont have my own place anymore so things don't have a designated place. Threw out my computer, my tv, my model cars and all the model building supplies I had, airbrushes compressors hundreds of paints and brushes and clamps and just so much shit because those are people things let alone the human aspect of putting them somewhere.
Now I have cloths and a phone so running away will be easier. But where to go? Food costs money, I'm just tired of not feeling like a human and realizing everything I owned was just part of the act anyway. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. It's all that goes through my head all day long even if I did I wouldn't know it because I'm too far gone and it would be second guessed. I've now hyperfocused on the fact that laying down and staring at my phone for 2 years straight has, if not amplified, solidified my brain damage beyond repair. Because I feel nothing all day I just stare at my phone. But I can't do that anymore because now I'm expected to be a human in this household that I no longer want to be in. I'm completely isolated and I prefer that but I don't but I do but I don't but I do. It's like I want to be able to have friends and connect with someone but that's impossible because I'm just some empty emotionless husk with pure apathy and so I don't know what to do anymore.
I could get back on meds but isn't that the cause of this. The chemical lobotomy at its finest, causing you to need more of itself.
I dont see any hope anywhere because I want to be someone who has emotions but I have none and I want to be someone who has a human experience but I am not one. What do I do? Suicide? No there's ways to cope. I don't want to cope. What the fuck? You think coping with hell on earth is better than dieing? Why would I cope when all I have then is to look around at the world going "oh look that person feels this, thats something I can't do" because that's all that goes in inside.
I just say what I think someone is expecting to hear and then I think we'll isn't that what everyone is doing? Their all saying the same shit anyway but then I think we'll no they say what they say because they feel a certain way. Something I can't do, feel. Because im a sociopath. Being out if this household could help I'm sure but that's not even fathomable. Even with supports at max I can't afford a ppace of my own. I'd have to rent a room with a stranger, but it's funny because even those who aren't strangers are strangers now.
I shower once a week because why would I shower that's a human thing. I am not human anymore. I am void of humanity.
23 and dead. Who would have thought.
No one understands any of this so I just say I'm depressed and they think i shoukd try therapy and meds. Whats that going to do? Give my sociopathic brain the ability to not be a sociopath? If only they knew what distress and pain I feel every second of every day.
Ontop of all that even I was able to come back to myself it's just constant ocd of where should I place this and when or what or where should I do and what's the most optimized way to do this or that and why is that there instead of here and how do I know if here or there is better.
So now I guess I'll go back on ssris, and go back to thinking I'm poisoning myself and then repeat this cycle until death.
I'm just gonna run away and start stealing to eat because nothing matters anyway
2024.05.29 05:56 Fillasophical Need hope
For about 2 years I have done nothing. I have been unemployed and have had an income through government supports which i no longer have and have lost my house my cats and my girlfriend. In December I stopped taking my medications because I was sure they were causing my issues. It seems like all my issues sky rocketed once I took risperidone for a few months. I feel like I have no personality, no thoughts, no feelings, except rage and distress. My life feels like a constant state of being in agony in my mind. I read and read and read and all I come to find is that apathy is permanent and you can't get rid of it. If this is the case why should I keep on living. What life is this? I can't do anything because I don't know what to do or rather I think why do anything. If my existence as a human is lacking the part what makes it a human experience then why do I exist. My whole life ive been babied. Mother paying my bills when I cant and making appointments for me and what not.
Ive spent so much time on NPD or ASPD or schizoid or AvPD that I'm convinced I have some sort of cluster b personality disorder and all I can think of is why would I even try to live my life when I am nothing more than a walking pathology and don't really have a personality just a brain that works off IF statements like a line of code.
People get to experience life without having to second guess themselves all the time but that's the only thing I can do, to the point where i simply don't do anything because I'm not really doing anything I'm just acting.
I cold turkeryed lamotragine, sertraline and this other medications for sleep, I can't even remember what I was on and now I feel like I have brain damage. I can't think I can't enjoy anything I cant feel love for anyone, but I also wonder if I ever did. And it's debilitating, I constantly wonder If I ever was someone with a "soul" or if I have always been just a robot with a reactionary function to the world. If this person says this then say this back. Everything seems so fake and unreal and I honestly think I have a block in-between my brain and reality.
When I got evicted I moved into my friends parents place where he stays and now I'm stuck and can't stand it anymore. Was he even my friend though or just someone who also partied alot. I don't want to be around people I don't want to have to explain to these Christians that I can't just go to church and be cured and that my depression is a choice. For the past 2 years I've been stuck in some purgatory state and it doesn't make any sense how any living being could even feel this way. It's literally hell on earth.
I cant move out because I don't have an income and I can't get an income because in all honesty If I had a job I would quit after a week. 1 year ago I almost had a job and I did an interview and the first day of work on the way there I turned around went home and blocked all the phone numbers associated with it.
I cant get supports because by the time I'm half way through the process I realize nothing matters reality isn't real my thoughts are fake I'm a psychopath anyway so why would I bother. I applied in December and didn't follow up and just did it again. 2 weeks ago.
When I graduated in 2019 I was drinking every weekend and in 2021 started trying drugs with my best friend, we did mushrooms and acid a couple times and a few times molly on the weekends. I've been drinking since grade 9, not every weekend but any chance I could, every party, every family event and holiday. Around 2020 I became a pothead and I would smoke insane amounts of weed, some days I smoked 3.5 grams a day some days I smoked 7 grams a day but more or less from 2020 to 2023 I would smoke non stop with no breaks unless around peopoe who disaproved, waking up in the night to smoke ,sometimes twice. I also took shrooms every like 3 months for a year or so and would be able to say that I've done them 3 times a year atleast from 2020 to 2023. All while being on these meds that I have been convince are neurotoxic and designed to give you brain damage. Oh and I've tried cocaine 3 times in the last year aswell. Never did much of it tho.
So I've lost all hope in living a life that is human. I feel void of myself I don't know who I am, I constantly feel like I'm pretending and acting to be human and can't connect with anyone and they would never know I feel this way.
The past 2 years I have don't nothing but sit at home with my blinds closed and hope no one is going to knock on my door as I sit for I hours a day staring at my phone googling and resding reddit and coming to the conclusion that I have some sort of psychosis or skitzophrenia or paranoia. My friends will call and I'll watch it ring until it stops and won't reply to my family. Because whats the point in trying to be human when I am no longer a human thanks to the cognitive issues I have to face.
And there's no hope online. You have anhedonia? It's the same everywhere I look, people replying to other people's posts or articles with "same here been 20 years now." So what's the point. How am I to know if it's depression or ASPD or NPD or Permanent Apathy from being chronically staring at my phone since I was 14 and watching gore and porn since I was that age. There's no knowing, there's no certainty in my own cognition or personality, not that i have one anymore. It's like do I have this cluster b? Who knows because if I did I wouldn't let a therapist know because I'm scared I do so I don't touch on it. Everything is a loop and a pardox of mental illnesses. I should have never read anything and I could have just been like "yup I'm depressed" now I have to worry if I should even try.
I moved to this place I'm in in december and just threw all my belongings in a room and I walked over everything until a couple weeks ago I threw out thousands of dollars worth of stuff because it's in the way and I dont have my own place anymore so things don't have a designated place. Threw out my computer, my tv, my model cars and all the model building supplies I had, airbrushes compressors hundreds of paints and brushes and clamps and just so much shit because those are people things let alone the human aspect of putting them somewhere.
Now I have cloths and a phone so running away will be easier. But where to go? Food costs money, I'm just tired of not feeling like a human and realizing everything I owned was just part of the act anyway. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. It's all that goes through my head all day long even if I did I wouldn't know it because I'm too far gone and it would be second guessed. I've now hyperfocused on the fact that laying down and staring at my phone for 2 years straight has, if not amplified, solidified my brain damage beyond repair. Because I feel nothing all day I just stare at my phone. But I can't do that anymore because now I'm expected to be a human in this household that I no longer want to be in. I'm completely isolated and I prefer that but I don't but I do but I don't but I do. It's like I want to be able to have friends and connect with someone but that's impossible because I'm just some empty emotionless husk with pure apathy and so I don't know what to do anymore.
I could get back on meds but isn't that the cause of this. The chemical lobotomy at its finest, causing you to need more of itself.
I dont see any hope anywhere because I want to be someone who has emotions but I have none and I want to be someone who has a human experience but I am not one. What do I do? Suicide? No there's ways to cope. I don't want to cope. What the fuck? You think coping with hell on earth is better than dieing? Why would I cope when all I have then is to look around at the world going "oh look that person feels this, thats something I can't do" because that's all that goes in inside.
I just say what I think someone is expecting to hear and then I think we'll isn't that what everyone is doing? Their all saying the same shit anyway but then I think we'll no they say what they say because they feel a certain way. Something I can't do, feel. Because im a sociopath. Being out if this household could help I'm sure but that's not even fathomable. Even with supports at max I can't afford a ppace of my own. I'd have to rent a room with a stranger, but it's funny because even those who aren't strangers are strangers now.
I shower once a week because why would I shower that's a human thing. I am not human anymore. I am void of humanity.
23 and dead. Who would have thought.
No one understands any of this so I just say I'm depressed and they think i shoukd try therapy and meds. Whats that going to do? Give my sociopathic brain the ability to not be a sociopath? If only they knew what distress and pain I feel every second of every day.
Ontop of all that even I was able to come back to myself it's just constant ocd of where should I place this and when or what or where should I do and what's the most optimized way to do this or that and why is that there instead of here and how do I know if here or there is better.
So now I guess I'll go back on ssris, and go back to thinking I'm poisoning myself and then repeat this cycle until death.
I'm just gonna run away and start stealing to eat because nothing matters anyway
submitted by Fillasophical to anhedonia [link] [comments]
Ive spent so much time on NPD or ASPD or schizoid or AvPD that I'm convinced I have some sort of cluster b personality disorder and all I can think of is why would I even try to live my life when I am nothing more than a walking pathology and don't really have a personality just a brain that works off IF statements like a line of code.
People get to experience life without having to second guess themselves all the time but that's the only thing I can do, to the point where i simply don't do anything because I'm not really doing anything I'm just acting.
I cold turkeryed lamotragine, sertraline and this other medications for sleep, I can't even remember what I was on and now I feel like I have brain damage. I can't think I can't enjoy anything I cant feel love for anyone, but I also wonder if I ever did. And it's debilitating, I constantly wonder If I ever was someone with a "soul" or if I have always been just a robot with a reactionary function to the world. If this person says this then say this back. Everything seems so fake and unreal and I honestly think I have a block in-between my brain and reality.
When I got evicted I moved into my friends parents place where he stays and now I'm stuck and can't stand it anymore. Was he even my friend though or just someone who also partied alot. I don't want to be around people I don't want to have to explain to these Christians that I can't just go to church and be cured and that my depression is a choice. For the past 2 years I've been stuck in some purgatory state and it doesn't make any sense how any living being could even feel this way. It's literally hell on earth.
I cant move out because I don't have an income and I can't get an income because in all honesty If I had a job I would quit after a week. 1 year ago I almost had a job and I did an interview and the first day of work on the way there I turned around went home and blocked all the phone numbers associated with it.
I cant get supports because by the time I'm half way through the process I realize nothing matters reality isn't real my thoughts are fake I'm a psychopath anyway so why would I bother. I applied in December and didn't follow up and just did it again. 2 weeks ago.
When I graduated in 2019 I was drinking every weekend and in 2021 started trying drugs with my best friend, we did mushrooms and acid a couple times and a few times molly on the weekends. I've been drinking since grade 9, not every weekend but any chance I could, every party, every family event and holiday. Around 2020 I became a pothead and I would smoke insane amounts of weed, some days I smoked 3.5 grams a day some days I smoked 7 grams a day but more or less from 2020 to 2023 I would smoke non stop with no breaks unless around peopoe who disaproved, waking up in the night to smoke ,sometimes twice. I also took shrooms every like 3 months for a year or so and would be able to say that I've done them 3 times a year atleast from 2020 to 2023. All while being on these meds that I have been convince are neurotoxic and designed to give you brain damage. Oh and I've tried cocaine 3 times in the last year aswell. Never did much of it tho.
So I've lost all hope in living a life that is human. I feel void of myself I don't know who I am, I constantly feel like I'm pretending and acting to be human and can't connect with anyone and they would never know I feel this way.
The past 2 years I have don't nothing but sit at home with my blinds closed and hope no one is going to knock on my door as I sit for I hours a day staring at my phone googling and resding reddit and coming to the conclusion that I have some sort of psychosis or skitzophrenia or paranoia. My friends will call and I'll watch it ring until it stops and won't reply to my family. Because whats the point in trying to be human when I am no longer a human thanks to the cognitive issues I have to face.
And there's no hope online. You have anhedonia? It's the same everywhere I look, people replying to other people's posts or articles with "same here been 20 years now." So what's the point. How am I to know if it's depression or ASPD or NPD or Permanent Apathy from being chronically staring at my phone since I was 14 and watching gore and porn since I was that age. There's no knowing, there's no certainty in my own cognition or personality, not that i have one anymore. It's like do I have this cluster b? Who knows because if I did I wouldn't let a therapist know because I'm scared I do so I don't touch on it. Everything is a loop and a pardox of mental illnesses. I should have never read anything and I could have just been like "yup I'm depressed" now I have to worry if I should even try.
I moved to this place I'm in in december and just threw all my belongings in a room and I walked over everything until a couple weeks ago I threw out thousands of dollars worth of stuff because it's in the way and I dont have my own place anymore so things don't have a designated place. Threw out my computer, my tv, my model cars and all the model building supplies I had, airbrushes compressors hundreds of paints and brushes and clamps and just so much shit because those are people things let alone the human aspect of putting them somewhere.
Now I have cloths and a phone so running away will be easier. But where to go? Food costs money, I'm just tired of not feeling like a human and realizing everything I owned was just part of the act anyway. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. It's all that goes through my head all day long even if I did I wouldn't know it because I'm too far gone and it would be second guessed. I've now hyperfocused on the fact that laying down and staring at my phone for 2 years straight has, if not amplified, solidified my brain damage beyond repair. Because I feel nothing all day I just stare at my phone. But I can't do that anymore because now I'm expected to be a human in this household that I no longer want to be in. I'm completely isolated and I prefer that but I don't but I do but I don't but I do. It's like I want to be able to have friends and connect with someone but that's impossible because I'm just some empty emotionless husk with pure apathy and so I don't know what to do anymore.
I could get back on meds but isn't that the cause of this. The chemical lobotomy at its finest, causing you to need more of itself.
I dont see any hope anywhere because I want to be someone who has emotions but I have none and I want to be someone who has a human experience but I am not one. What do I do? Suicide? No there's ways to cope. I don't want to cope. What the fuck? You think coping with hell on earth is better than dieing? Why would I cope when all I have then is to look around at the world going "oh look that person feels this, thats something I can't do" because that's all that goes in inside.
I just say what I think someone is expecting to hear and then I think we'll isn't that what everyone is doing? Their all saying the same shit anyway but then I think we'll no they say what they say because they feel a certain way. Something I can't do, feel. Because im a sociopath. Being out if this household could help I'm sure but that's not even fathomable. Even with supports at max I can't afford a ppace of my own. I'd have to rent a room with a stranger, but it's funny because even those who aren't strangers are strangers now.
I shower once a week because why would I shower that's a human thing. I am not human anymore. I am void of humanity.
23 and dead. Who would have thought.
No one understands any of this so I just say I'm depressed and they think i shoukd try therapy and meds. Whats that going to do? Give my sociopathic brain the ability to not be a sociopath? If only they knew what distress and pain I feel every second of every day.
Ontop of all that even I was able to come back to myself it's just constant ocd of where should I place this and when or what or where should I do and what's the most optimized way to do this or that and why is that there instead of here and how do I know if here or there is better.
So now I guess I'll go back on ssris, and go back to thinking I'm poisoning myself and then repeat this cycle until death.
I'm just gonna run away and start stealing to eat because nothing matters anyway
2024.05.29 05:55 lilkorea_189 Packed up my life for a man only for our relationship to sour almost immediately
I, 35 female, had been in an on again off again relationship with my boyfriend, 45 male, for the last 3 years. I won't bore you with the details of how we met and what went on for the last 3 years of our relationship, I'm just going to get to the point.
Back in late September 2023, my boyfriend moved to Iowa. We had just gotten back together when he sprung that on me and I was rather upset at first but knew that he was only moving because it was for his mental health. Living in the big city can be very costly and stressful, so I understood his reasoning. I did not go with him and figured we would go our separate ways. Fast forward four months later and I get a message from him through Facebook messenger asking me to call him. I call him and learned rather quickly that he had been drinking but he was asking why I suddenly ghosted him by not replying back to his texts or calls. For context, I never blocked his number.
I told him that I did not get any of his texts or calls. He asked me why I never tried reaching out to him and I explained that I thought him moving away and not staying in contact meant the end of our relationship. We had a lengthy conversation that night and he asked me to come visit him. I told him that I will consider it but would need to build up some PTO as I had just started a new job and didn't want to risk anything during my first 90 days. We stayed in touch after that, calling each other daily and talking on the phone for hours just catching up and going over mutual interests and so on until I've built up enough PTO to go visit him.
You may wonder why I was the one to go visit him in Iowa. Firstly, he wanted me to see the town he had decided to settle in. Secondly, we had discussed resuming our relationship and possibly having me move out there as it was out of the question for him to move back to the city where I live. I understood his reasoning for moving but felt that leaving the life I have behind for him felt a bit extreme. But I kept an open mind about Iowa and went to visit (side note, there are no direct flights to where he moved to. I had to fly to Chicago, which is a 2.5 hour drive away and he had to rent a car to pick me up). I spent a four day weekend with him, and I'm not going to lie and say that it was magical and romantic because it's Iowa. Seeing him again, however, brought back all the feelings I had for him and I realized just how much I had missed him.
I honestly didn't see much during my visit as it wasn't a dense town like I would see back home, as everything was very spread out. That should have been my very first clue to the kind of life it was like. It was very quiet and peaceful, which was a change. Unlike the city where it was always busy and sirens going off in the distance was a constant, at night it's dead silent. It was definitely a change in pace and I was more or less charmed, but not impressed. My weekend visit was over before we knew it and I returned home back to the life I was most comfortable with.
My boyfriend and I resumed our daily phone calls, but I noticed our conversations began to shift towards me moving out to Iowa. And in truth I was swayed by the idea of leaving the big city for small town life, however, my biggest hesitation was job security. I work in the medical field and finding a job with my skill-sets wasn't a huge challenge aside from the lack of urgency of callbacks from the jobs I had applied to. My boyfriend reassured me that it was just how things were in Iowa, that unlike the city, the businesses moved through a system that was much slower than what I was used to. I had my doubts but then again I didn't know much about the hiring process in the mid-west. My boyfriend then said it would probably go a lot faster if I was actually in the area (which I was skeptical about but didn't comment). I knew he just wanted me there with him and, at that time, I wanted to be with him because I had truly believed that we had talked through our past issues and were now on the same wavelength of what we wanted as a couple moving forward.
Boy was I in for a rude awakening.
I literally packed up my life into my SUV. I didn't take any furniture with me knowing that what my boyfriend lacked we could always buy. It took me 3 days of driving to reach Iowa and I had never thought I'd be so happy to be in Iowa or all places, but I was. I was blinded by hopes and dreams of a happy life with the man I thought I was in love with. I should mention that I have been saving money for a down payment on a house for the last 5 years and have managed to save $20k. It has been a personal goal, not dream, for myself to be a homeowner, not because I want that white picket fence dream, but because I simply want a home that is truly MY home. I want a safe space that truly feels mine and have it reflect the type of person that I am, instead of apartments where I would have to return the space to the manufactured setting once I leave.
Now, the housing market in Iowa is relatively cheap compared to Washington. And when I saw the cheap listings, cheap as in less than $200k for a 3 bedroom 2 bath, move-in ready house I was ready to commit my new life in Iowa with my boyfriend. At first, my boyfriend was very supportive of my house hunting, he knew that it was personal goal of mine and had always said how he admired my ambition to become a home owner. I got in touch with a realtor agent who collaborated with me on what my boyfriend and I were looking for in a home. I probably saw about a dozen houses within my first 2 weeks since arriving to Iowa and I actually found a house that we both really liked. I was ready to put in an offer when my boyfriend suddenly told me that he didn't want to become a home owner, saying that it was too much of a commitment that he never wants to make.
It gave me pause, and though I was very disappointed in having to put aside a goal I made for myself, I half-heartedly agreed. It was then things started to unravel between us and his mood just quickly declined. I should note that my boyfriend has diagnosed PTSD from childhood trauma and he has a tendency to become anxious and agitated when stressed out. The days that followed I had noticed a shift in him and because he works from home, I just assumed it was because his work was stressing him out.
I tried to be a good girlfriend by staying out of his way while he was working and try to be as quiet as possible while at home. I would try to help out with small things like letting the dogs out to relieve themselves and take them on short walks. I tried to be mindful to not make a mess. Along with my boyfriend's anxiety and mental health struggles he also has OCD, and while back in Seattle I had noticed he liked to keep a clean home, out in Iowa it had become abundantly clear that the smallest mess would upset him.
His bad mood only worsened. One day, while he was folding laundry, I asked him if there was anything he'd like me to do around the house because I wanted to be helpful. He said "If you see a mess, clean it." That came off as truly strange to me.
"Do you want me to vacuum or clean the bathrooms?" I asked.
He looked at me like what I had asked was the dumbest question he had ever heard and snapped at me with: "If you see a mess, clean it. You're not 12 years old, you're not being paid an allowance to do simple chores. You're an adult, you should already know what to do."
What he said embarrassed me and made me feel so small and inferior, but it also truly angered me. Where was all this hostility suddenly coming from? I didn't want to start a fight over chores and simply helped him fold the laundry. We eventually had a talk, which turned into him going on a tangent about how he requires to keep a clean and sterile house, that "everything has its place" in the house. He then went on about not wanting the commitment of home ownership and that he has no intentions of ever returning to Seattle. He told me how all my stuff cluttering the bedroom and office is taking a toll on his mental health and that it's my job to make sure that they're all put away so he doesn't have to see them (mind you, I was still unpacking and with limited storage space the rest of my belongings are still packed away).
Then he suggested something that blindsided me. He suggested that I possibly look for my own place so that we live separately and slowly integrate into each other's lives again. It was then that I took account of all the red flags that had sprung up from before I foolishly packed up my life to be with this man that I suddenly no longer loved. It was as if a switch in me had been flipped and all those feelings of affection just left my system. I told him that what he was proposing wasn't possible because I was struggling to find employment and didn't want to waste my savings on a brand new lease, especially since I was just added onto his lease.
I tried to find a middle ground with him, especially when it came to my personal belongings. I knew that he was talking about my makeup being out on the counter. Mind you, my second day in Iowa, we had gone to Costco where I found a makeup organizer and purchased it. All my makeup fits neatly in it and isn't scattered all over the place, he just doesn't like seeing them. That still wasn't good enough for him but I had to point it out to him by saying "I live here, too. It's only fair that I should feel like this is my home."
After that, the tension between us only got worse. He would have angry outbursts over the smallest inconveniences and prioritize more on his "mental and physical health" than work on our rapidly deteriorating relationship. I'm also at fault for not trying harder to talk things out but after he suggested I find my own place I subconsciously knew our relationship was over, on top of that, I was also emotionally drained and feeling depressed.
Now moving to the present, I had finally secured a job that would be opening a clinic nearby, meaning I wouldn't have to waste gas as much and would finally be able to contribute financially to the household. When I told my boyfriend the news it was received with a rather lackluster response but I still held out hope that once I start working and be out of the house more things might mellow out. Then, over the weekend, everything fell apart.
I had woken up early because the dogs needed to go outside. I knew my boyfriend wasn't getting much sleep lately so I let him sleep in as much as possible. Once the dogs had finished relieving themselves I had the intention of going back to bed to get another hour or so of sleep but the dogs came in to disrupt that plan. My boyfriend didn't like that and got up explosively, cursing and yelling as he stomped downstairs about how he couldn't get any sleep. I go downstairs to tell him that he can go back to bed, that I forgot to feed the dogs after letting them outside and that I would take care of it. He yells at me that he would do it since he's up and then goes on a rant about how his life was disrupted ever since I arrived. Let me remind you that he wanted me there in the first place.
He blamed me for the poor sleep he's been having ever since I arrived (there is also 3 dogs sleeping in the bed with us). He blamed me for his financial woes (he took care of the bills until I found a job). He blamed me for the hit to his credit score (I took a hit as well because we were getting pre-approval for a home loan before he said he didn't want to move forward with it). Blamed me for the decline in his mental and physical health (he vapes throughout the day and his vices are scotch and ice cream). And he blamed me for his inability to focus on drawing his comic series because of his mental health decline (he's a decent artist but I can't take credit for his creative block).
While he listed off all the things I am to be blamed for and how he had made so many compromises for me I reflected back on my surprisingly short time here (3 weeks, nearing 4), I was the one who made all the compromises. I was the one who made the bigger sacrifice. I traveled half-way across the country for a man who will never make my happiness a priority. From the start of our relationship 3 years ago to now, I was the only one who had to make sacrifices just to pacify this giant man-child.
He brought up me finding my own place again and I told him that if I have to move out then I'm returning to Seattle. He didn't fight me on that but the downside is that I have to wait for my parents, who had planned to drive out this way in June from Seattle, to visit friends in Chicago. They've been made aware of the situation and will be driving out in my step-dad's pickup truck to haul back all of my belongings and we would leave together in both my step-dad;s truck and my SUV. I had emailed the hiring manager I had gone through my interview process with, letting her know that I unfortunately will be returning to Seattle due to personal circumstances.
In the meantime I have begun submitting my resume to clinics and hospitals back in Seattle and already have several interviews set up (much faster turn-around than Iowa) and hopefully soon I will have secured a job before my return home.
submitted by lilkorea_189 to BreakUps [link] [comments]
Back in late September 2023, my boyfriend moved to Iowa. We had just gotten back together when he sprung that on me and I was rather upset at first but knew that he was only moving because it was for his mental health. Living in the big city can be very costly and stressful, so I understood his reasoning. I did not go with him and figured we would go our separate ways. Fast forward four months later and I get a message from him through Facebook messenger asking me to call him. I call him and learned rather quickly that he had been drinking but he was asking why I suddenly ghosted him by not replying back to his texts or calls. For context, I never blocked his number.
I told him that I did not get any of his texts or calls. He asked me why I never tried reaching out to him and I explained that I thought him moving away and not staying in contact meant the end of our relationship. We had a lengthy conversation that night and he asked me to come visit him. I told him that I will consider it but would need to build up some PTO as I had just started a new job and didn't want to risk anything during my first 90 days. We stayed in touch after that, calling each other daily and talking on the phone for hours just catching up and going over mutual interests and so on until I've built up enough PTO to go visit him.
You may wonder why I was the one to go visit him in Iowa. Firstly, he wanted me to see the town he had decided to settle in. Secondly, we had discussed resuming our relationship and possibly having me move out there as it was out of the question for him to move back to the city where I live. I understood his reasoning for moving but felt that leaving the life I have behind for him felt a bit extreme. But I kept an open mind about Iowa and went to visit (side note, there are no direct flights to where he moved to. I had to fly to Chicago, which is a 2.5 hour drive away and he had to rent a car to pick me up). I spent a four day weekend with him, and I'm not going to lie and say that it was magical and romantic because it's Iowa. Seeing him again, however, brought back all the feelings I had for him and I realized just how much I had missed him.
I honestly didn't see much during my visit as it wasn't a dense town like I would see back home, as everything was very spread out. That should have been my very first clue to the kind of life it was like. It was very quiet and peaceful, which was a change. Unlike the city where it was always busy and sirens going off in the distance was a constant, at night it's dead silent. It was definitely a change in pace and I was more or less charmed, but not impressed. My weekend visit was over before we knew it and I returned home back to the life I was most comfortable with.
My boyfriend and I resumed our daily phone calls, but I noticed our conversations began to shift towards me moving out to Iowa. And in truth I was swayed by the idea of leaving the big city for small town life, however, my biggest hesitation was job security. I work in the medical field and finding a job with my skill-sets wasn't a huge challenge aside from the lack of urgency of callbacks from the jobs I had applied to. My boyfriend reassured me that it was just how things were in Iowa, that unlike the city, the businesses moved through a system that was much slower than what I was used to. I had my doubts but then again I didn't know much about the hiring process in the mid-west. My boyfriend then said it would probably go a lot faster if I was actually in the area (which I was skeptical about but didn't comment). I knew he just wanted me there with him and, at that time, I wanted to be with him because I had truly believed that we had talked through our past issues and were now on the same wavelength of what we wanted as a couple moving forward.
Boy was I in for a rude awakening.
I literally packed up my life into my SUV. I didn't take any furniture with me knowing that what my boyfriend lacked we could always buy. It took me 3 days of driving to reach Iowa and I had never thought I'd be so happy to be in Iowa or all places, but I was. I was blinded by hopes and dreams of a happy life with the man I thought I was in love with. I should mention that I have been saving money for a down payment on a house for the last 5 years and have managed to save $20k. It has been a personal goal, not dream, for myself to be a homeowner, not because I want that white picket fence dream, but because I simply want a home that is truly MY home. I want a safe space that truly feels mine and have it reflect the type of person that I am, instead of apartments where I would have to return the space to the manufactured setting once I leave.
Now, the housing market in Iowa is relatively cheap compared to Washington. And when I saw the cheap listings, cheap as in less than $200k for a 3 bedroom 2 bath, move-in ready house I was ready to commit my new life in Iowa with my boyfriend. At first, my boyfriend was very supportive of my house hunting, he knew that it was personal goal of mine and had always said how he admired my ambition to become a home owner. I got in touch with a realtor agent who collaborated with me on what my boyfriend and I were looking for in a home. I probably saw about a dozen houses within my first 2 weeks since arriving to Iowa and I actually found a house that we both really liked. I was ready to put in an offer when my boyfriend suddenly told me that he didn't want to become a home owner, saying that it was too much of a commitment that he never wants to make.
It gave me pause, and though I was very disappointed in having to put aside a goal I made for myself, I half-heartedly agreed. It was then things started to unravel between us and his mood just quickly declined. I should note that my boyfriend has diagnosed PTSD from childhood trauma and he has a tendency to become anxious and agitated when stressed out. The days that followed I had noticed a shift in him and because he works from home, I just assumed it was because his work was stressing him out.
I tried to be a good girlfriend by staying out of his way while he was working and try to be as quiet as possible while at home. I would try to help out with small things like letting the dogs out to relieve themselves and take them on short walks. I tried to be mindful to not make a mess. Along with my boyfriend's anxiety and mental health struggles he also has OCD, and while back in Seattle I had noticed he liked to keep a clean home, out in Iowa it had become abundantly clear that the smallest mess would upset him.
His bad mood only worsened. One day, while he was folding laundry, I asked him if there was anything he'd like me to do around the house because I wanted to be helpful. He said "If you see a mess, clean it." That came off as truly strange to me.
"Do you want me to vacuum or clean the bathrooms?" I asked.
He looked at me like what I had asked was the dumbest question he had ever heard and snapped at me with: "If you see a mess, clean it. You're not 12 years old, you're not being paid an allowance to do simple chores. You're an adult, you should already know what to do."
What he said embarrassed me and made me feel so small and inferior, but it also truly angered me. Where was all this hostility suddenly coming from? I didn't want to start a fight over chores and simply helped him fold the laundry. We eventually had a talk, which turned into him going on a tangent about how he requires to keep a clean and sterile house, that "everything has its place" in the house. He then went on about not wanting the commitment of home ownership and that he has no intentions of ever returning to Seattle. He told me how all my stuff cluttering the bedroom and office is taking a toll on his mental health and that it's my job to make sure that they're all put away so he doesn't have to see them (mind you, I was still unpacking and with limited storage space the rest of my belongings are still packed away).
Then he suggested something that blindsided me. He suggested that I possibly look for my own place so that we live separately and slowly integrate into each other's lives again. It was then that I took account of all the red flags that had sprung up from before I foolishly packed up my life to be with this man that I suddenly no longer loved. It was as if a switch in me had been flipped and all those feelings of affection just left my system. I told him that what he was proposing wasn't possible because I was struggling to find employment and didn't want to waste my savings on a brand new lease, especially since I was just added onto his lease.
I tried to find a middle ground with him, especially when it came to my personal belongings. I knew that he was talking about my makeup being out on the counter. Mind you, my second day in Iowa, we had gone to Costco where I found a makeup organizer and purchased it. All my makeup fits neatly in it and isn't scattered all over the place, he just doesn't like seeing them. That still wasn't good enough for him but I had to point it out to him by saying "I live here, too. It's only fair that I should feel like this is my home."
After that, the tension between us only got worse. He would have angry outbursts over the smallest inconveniences and prioritize more on his "mental and physical health" than work on our rapidly deteriorating relationship. I'm also at fault for not trying harder to talk things out but after he suggested I find my own place I subconsciously knew our relationship was over, on top of that, I was also emotionally drained and feeling depressed.
Now moving to the present, I had finally secured a job that would be opening a clinic nearby, meaning I wouldn't have to waste gas as much and would finally be able to contribute financially to the household. When I told my boyfriend the news it was received with a rather lackluster response but I still held out hope that once I start working and be out of the house more things might mellow out. Then, over the weekend, everything fell apart.
I had woken up early because the dogs needed to go outside. I knew my boyfriend wasn't getting much sleep lately so I let him sleep in as much as possible. Once the dogs had finished relieving themselves I had the intention of going back to bed to get another hour or so of sleep but the dogs came in to disrupt that plan. My boyfriend didn't like that and got up explosively, cursing and yelling as he stomped downstairs about how he couldn't get any sleep. I go downstairs to tell him that he can go back to bed, that I forgot to feed the dogs after letting them outside and that I would take care of it. He yells at me that he would do it since he's up and then goes on a rant about how his life was disrupted ever since I arrived. Let me remind you that he wanted me there in the first place.
He blamed me for the poor sleep he's been having ever since I arrived (there is also 3 dogs sleeping in the bed with us). He blamed me for his financial woes (he took care of the bills until I found a job). He blamed me for the hit to his credit score (I took a hit as well because we were getting pre-approval for a home loan before he said he didn't want to move forward with it). Blamed me for the decline in his mental and physical health (he vapes throughout the day and his vices are scotch and ice cream). And he blamed me for his inability to focus on drawing his comic series because of his mental health decline (he's a decent artist but I can't take credit for his creative block).
While he listed off all the things I am to be blamed for and how he had made so many compromises for me I reflected back on my surprisingly short time here (3 weeks, nearing 4), I was the one who made all the compromises. I was the one who made the bigger sacrifice. I traveled half-way across the country for a man who will never make my happiness a priority. From the start of our relationship 3 years ago to now, I was the only one who had to make sacrifices just to pacify this giant man-child.
He brought up me finding my own place again and I told him that if I have to move out then I'm returning to Seattle. He didn't fight me on that but the downside is that I have to wait for my parents, who had planned to drive out this way in June from Seattle, to visit friends in Chicago. They've been made aware of the situation and will be driving out in my step-dad's pickup truck to haul back all of my belongings and we would leave together in both my step-dad;s truck and my SUV. I had emailed the hiring manager I had gone through my interview process with, letting her know that I unfortunately will be returning to Seattle due to personal circumstances.
In the meantime I have begun submitting my resume to clinics and hospitals back in Seattle and already have several interviews set up (much faster turn-around than Iowa) and hopefully soon I will have secured a job before my return home.
2024.05.29 05:53 zolipoli My parents took all my money (2.7k) and wont let me get a job
A few months ago I got hired at my moms work and I stayed there for a few months until I quit (I was working full time and a student full time, my grades were dropping so I left to focus on school).
I was fine with this as I saved up over 3k from those few months, and thought it would be able to hold me over until summer started (I live at my parents still so I don't pay rent, and scholarships covered my fall/spring tuition), however during the passing months, my parents asked me to borrow money. My ndad doesn't work at all..it's bad, he stopped working for years and he makes my mom pay for everything (he hasn't paid his credit cards in months, all he does is watch tv), so my mom asked me to borrow money (she makes 10/hr, which is NOT enough to cover anything in our house). I said it was okay at first because I felt bad for her and I didn't want her to struggle since it wasn't her fault.
Fast forward to today, my parents have borrowed 2.7k worth of my money. It's horrible. I know my mom can't really pay me back and my dad just gets mad when I mention it. I legitimately just paid off my summer tuition today, so I was left with only $80 in my bank account. I also really wanted to apply to a LSAT prep class but I didn't have enough money, so I told them I wanted to apply to a job. My mom was furious and doesn't want me working, and my dad doesn't want to drive me anywhere that's too far (he says it's too tiring...yet he does nothing all day, also, the only car we have at the moment is my twin sisters car which she left to me for the summer since she's moving to her fiances - I was also never really taught how to drive, and they don't want to teach me, I can drive on the country side but nowhere in the city). My mom said she will pay me back but I don't think she can, with all the bills that she has to pay and everything (once again, not really my moms fault, I blame it all on my lazy dad)
I just don't know what to do and I'm stressing out. I know a part of it is my fault, I shouldn't have let them take that much money from me. I'm so stressed out, I don't know if ill be able to pay for the LSAT prep I wanted to do, as I wanted to take my test this fall. I don't know if there's any remote jobs available.. I just don't know anymore.
submitted by zolipoli to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]
I was fine with this as I saved up over 3k from those few months, and thought it would be able to hold me over until summer started (I live at my parents still so I don't pay rent, and scholarships covered my fall/spring tuition), however during the passing months, my parents asked me to borrow money. My ndad doesn't work at all..it's bad, he stopped working for years and he makes my mom pay for everything (he hasn't paid his credit cards in months, all he does is watch tv), so my mom asked me to borrow money (she makes 10/hr, which is NOT enough to cover anything in our house). I said it was okay at first because I felt bad for her and I didn't want her to struggle since it wasn't her fault.
Fast forward to today, my parents have borrowed 2.7k worth of my money. It's horrible. I know my mom can't really pay me back and my dad just gets mad when I mention it. I legitimately just paid off my summer tuition today, so I was left with only $80 in my bank account. I also really wanted to apply to a LSAT prep class but I didn't have enough money, so I told them I wanted to apply to a job. My mom was furious and doesn't want me working, and my dad doesn't want to drive me anywhere that's too far (he says it's too tiring...yet he does nothing all day, also, the only car we have at the moment is my twin sisters car which she left to me for the summer since she's moving to her fiances - I was also never really taught how to drive, and they don't want to teach me, I can drive on the country side but nowhere in the city). My mom said she will pay me back but I don't think she can, with all the bills that she has to pay and everything (once again, not really my moms fault, I blame it all on my lazy dad)
I just don't know what to do and I'm stressing out. I know a part of it is my fault, I shouldn't have let them take that much money from me. I'm so stressed out, I don't know if ill be able to pay for the LSAT prep I wanted to do, as I wanted to take my test this fall. I don't know if there's any remote jobs available.. I just don't know anymore.
2024.05.29 05:48 Beginning_Wrap_8732 Problems with booster charge and MeatNet
I’ve really enjoyed using my three CPTs with boosters and display to smoke briskets and pork butts, roast chickens and roast the Thanksgiving turkey. It’s an incredibly useful, well-designed and well-built family of products.
Except for two things: lack of charge indication and reliability of MeatNet.
Chris has explained that a special chip would be required in order for the CPT to report its charge state, and it isn’t compatible with high heat environments. I can live with that. So far, I haven’t had an instance of a CPT running out of charge during long cooks going well over 12 hours. But when I asked why the booster doesn’t have charge indication, Chris said it just didn’t make the cut for the first generation of hardware. OK, but this weekend my overnight Memorial Day cook was nearly ruined due to lack of information about booster charge, and maybe a problem with MeatNet.
Here’s what happened:
I smoked a brisket point and flat, separated, with CPTs in each cut. Before the cook, I pressed the button on each CPT’s booster and got a green light, so I knew the probes were fully charged. The meat went in my Kamado Joe ceramic grill, and I put a booster on a cabinet about six feet away. I put the other booster on a table indoors about 40 feet away. I took the display and my iPhone to the bedroom, about 40 feet from the second booster. I set the iPhone to Never Lock and brought up the CPT app so I wouldn’t miss the prediction alarms (learned to do that the hard way.) I set the CPT predictions to 180F to catch the end of the stall, at which time I’d think about wrapping. One of the CPTs set off an alarm at 180F. I decided not to wrap, and reset the predictions on both CPTs to 200F, at which time I‘d wait until they hit 203F and remove the cuts for a long hold.
The alarms never went off. Luckily, I happened to awake in time to see in the app that both cuts had reached and slightly exceeded the target temp. But both CPTs were not connected, and the display was showing they weren’t connected. I rushed to the smoker with a ThermoPen and was relieved to find that the two cuts weren’t far over the target temp of 203. One was at 205F and the other was at 208F. The texture of the cuts was good (wabba wabba) and a ThermoPen showed temps weren’t too far over target over most of the meat. I took the meat off for a long hold.
What happened? It didn’t take long to discover that both boosters had run out of charge. Given the last temps shown by the app, I guess I was lucky to awake shortly after the boosters ran out of charge. I’m puzzled why display and/or iPhone didn’t directly connect to the CPTs in the ceramic cooker when the boosters ran out of charge. The total distance was less than 75 feet. Is it necessary to have a MeatNet relay close to the CPTs? I’ve been doing that, but I thought the range was better. Is the distance significantly reduced when the CPTs are inside a ceramic grill? If this is the case, I think I should put the display, which has a much larger battery, near the ceramic grill so the iPhone can stay connected anywhere in the house.
So, why did the boosters run out of charge? The last time I can be sure I charged the boosters was about month before, after smoking a pork butt. I did one cook after that, a roast chicken last week. At the time, I pressed the buttons on all three boosters. Two lit up green, and one didn’t light up at all. I put the CPT in one of the other boosters and it showed green, so it looked like the CPT was charged but, unlike the other two boosters, its booster had run out of charge. Seemed like that shouldn’t have happened in 2-3 weeks without using the CPT. In fact, I had seen this once before, but I didn’t mark the booster that had run out of charge earlier than expected. So I charged up the one that had run out and left it on my desk with a different CPT to see if it would happen again (I wanted to rule out a problem with the CPT.) When it came time to do the brisket cook on Memorial Day, the booster in question showed green when I pushed the button, which meant the CPT was still charged. Of course, that didn’t tell me what state the booster battery was in, but I had to get on with the cook so I aborted that experiment. I thought I had charged the boosters after the roast chicken cook, but maybe it was only the booster I was testing.
It’s possible I have one booster that can’t hold a charge, but it’s also possible that all three of my boosters have problems holding charge. It’s also possible I have one or more CPTs that draw power from the booster too often. After all, my CPTs and my boosters are early production models. I need to do some careful experiments to figure this in out, and the lack of any charge indication for the CPTs and boosters is going to make that very difficult. One idea I had is to use a USB dongle I have that reports mAh delivered. That might give me some info by showing how much charge a given booster can take.
I’d appreciate any advice for setting up experiments to determine if I have bad boosters and/or CPTs.
Beyond that, I hope Combustion will consider a Gen 2 booster with charge indication (fine if it’s in the app.) I will probably replace my boosters if that happens (though a trade-in deal for early adopters would be nice.)
Recently, someone posted about Combustion offering a charging dock for CPTs. After this weekend, that idea appeals to me, too. The ability of the boosters to keep the CPTs charged would be superfluous (the plain charger would do), but it would still be worthwhile for keeping the boosters charged for use in MeatNet.
The other problem I’ve had is frequent disconnects. It’s worst in my Breville Combi Wave oven, but I’ve chalked that up to the amount of metal between the CPTs and boosters, and maybe noise generated by the Combi Wave electronics. The CPTs do reconnect eventually, but sometimes it can take several minutes. I can get through a roast chicken cook (oven, not microwave), but the disconnects are annoying. Most of the time I don’t get lots of disconnects when using CPTs in the ceramic cooker. They can go hours without disconnecting. But I do get them. The CPTs eventually reconnect, but it‘s annoying. Perhaps this happened as the boosters charges were winding down to zero.
Oh, one more issue: After setting a prediction, sometimes I couldn‘t get back in to change clear the prediction. When I tapped the prediction section, it would display the food safe page. Then, sometime later, I could tap the section and change or clear the prediction.
submitted by Beginning_Wrap_8732 to combustion_inc [link] [comments]
Except for two things: lack of charge indication and reliability of MeatNet.
Chris has explained that a special chip would be required in order for the CPT to report its charge state, and it isn’t compatible with high heat environments. I can live with that. So far, I haven’t had an instance of a CPT running out of charge during long cooks going well over 12 hours. But when I asked why the booster doesn’t have charge indication, Chris said it just didn’t make the cut for the first generation of hardware. OK, but this weekend my overnight Memorial Day cook was nearly ruined due to lack of information about booster charge, and maybe a problem with MeatNet.
Here’s what happened:
I smoked a brisket point and flat, separated, with CPTs in each cut. Before the cook, I pressed the button on each CPT’s booster and got a green light, so I knew the probes were fully charged. The meat went in my Kamado Joe ceramic grill, and I put a booster on a cabinet about six feet away. I put the other booster on a table indoors about 40 feet away. I took the display and my iPhone to the bedroom, about 40 feet from the second booster. I set the iPhone to Never Lock and brought up the CPT app so I wouldn’t miss the prediction alarms (learned to do that the hard way.) I set the CPT predictions to 180F to catch the end of the stall, at which time I’d think about wrapping. One of the CPTs set off an alarm at 180F. I decided not to wrap, and reset the predictions on both CPTs to 200F, at which time I‘d wait until they hit 203F and remove the cuts for a long hold.
The alarms never went off. Luckily, I happened to awake in time to see in the app that both cuts had reached and slightly exceeded the target temp. But both CPTs were not connected, and the display was showing they weren’t connected. I rushed to the smoker with a ThermoPen and was relieved to find that the two cuts weren’t far over the target temp of 203. One was at 205F and the other was at 208F. The texture of the cuts was good (wabba wabba) and a ThermoPen showed temps weren’t too far over target over most of the meat. I took the meat off for a long hold.
What happened? It didn’t take long to discover that both boosters had run out of charge. Given the last temps shown by the app, I guess I was lucky to awake shortly after the boosters ran out of charge. I’m puzzled why display and/or iPhone didn’t directly connect to the CPTs in the ceramic cooker when the boosters ran out of charge. The total distance was less than 75 feet. Is it necessary to have a MeatNet relay close to the CPTs? I’ve been doing that, but I thought the range was better. Is the distance significantly reduced when the CPTs are inside a ceramic grill? If this is the case, I think I should put the display, which has a much larger battery, near the ceramic grill so the iPhone can stay connected anywhere in the house.
So, why did the boosters run out of charge? The last time I can be sure I charged the boosters was about month before, after smoking a pork butt. I did one cook after that, a roast chicken last week. At the time, I pressed the buttons on all three boosters. Two lit up green, and one didn’t light up at all. I put the CPT in one of the other boosters and it showed green, so it looked like the CPT was charged but, unlike the other two boosters, its booster had run out of charge. Seemed like that shouldn’t have happened in 2-3 weeks without using the CPT. In fact, I had seen this once before, but I didn’t mark the booster that had run out of charge earlier than expected. So I charged up the one that had run out and left it on my desk with a different CPT to see if it would happen again (I wanted to rule out a problem with the CPT.) When it came time to do the brisket cook on Memorial Day, the booster in question showed green when I pushed the button, which meant the CPT was still charged. Of course, that didn’t tell me what state the booster battery was in, but I had to get on with the cook so I aborted that experiment. I thought I had charged the boosters after the roast chicken cook, but maybe it was only the booster I was testing.
It’s possible I have one booster that can’t hold a charge, but it’s also possible that all three of my boosters have problems holding charge. It’s also possible I have one or more CPTs that draw power from the booster too often. After all, my CPTs and my boosters are early production models. I need to do some careful experiments to figure this in out, and the lack of any charge indication for the CPTs and boosters is going to make that very difficult. One idea I had is to use a USB dongle I have that reports mAh delivered. That might give me some info by showing how much charge a given booster can take.
I’d appreciate any advice for setting up experiments to determine if I have bad boosters and/or CPTs.
Beyond that, I hope Combustion will consider a Gen 2 booster with charge indication (fine if it’s in the app.) I will probably replace my boosters if that happens (though a trade-in deal for early adopters would be nice.)
Recently, someone posted about Combustion offering a charging dock for CPTs. After this weekend, that idea appeals to me, too. The ability of the boosters to keep the CPTs charged would be superfluous (the plain charger would do), but it would still be worthwhile for keeping the boosters charged for use in MeatNet.
The other problem I’ve had is frequent disconnects. It’s worst in my Breville Combi Wave oven, but I’ve chalked that up to the amount of metal between the CPTs and boosters, and maybe noise generated by the Combi Wave electronics. The CPTs do reconnect eventually, but sometimes it can take several minutes. I can get through a roast chicken cook (oven, not microwave), but the disconnects are annoying. Most of the time I don’t get lots of disconnects when using CPTs in the ceramic cooker. They can go hours without disconnecting. But I do get them. The CPTs eventually reconnect, but it‘s annoying. Perhaps this happened as the boosters charges were winding down to zero.
Oh, one more issue: After setting a prediction, sometimes I couldn‘t get back in to change clear the prediction. When I tapped the prediction section, it would display the food safe page. Then, sometime later, I could tap the section and change or clear the prediction.
2024.05.29 05:46 r0tten_cl4wz are my inlaws going too far?? im at my wits end.
(long story) this is a throwout because im anxious and dont know what else to do / have no one to talk to this about. im 19 and i live with my bf (20) in his parents house. he rents his room and pays a fair share of the bills (his choice / his parents dont expect him to pay anything). i moved in after my mom and i got into a fight and she basically kicked me out (she has done this before). i cannot live at my fathers after multiple assaults and threats on my life, my grandparents are enablers to my moms extremely hazardous/drunken abusive behavior, and no other family live in state. i moved into their house after he talked to his parents and they both agreed (his dad had an extremely abusive household like mine so he sympathized). its been alright so far (ive been here for 4 months) with minimal issues until it started a few months ago. in march i recently miscarried and it made everything really… awkward? his mom started to make comments to her husband to which he relayed to my bf about us sleeping in the same bed together and even went as far as to push us to get engaged and married multiple times / for him to sleep on the couch out of the room he pays for. she states she feels awkward and uncomfortable around ME because of us sleeping in the same room + im a stranger to her (shes one of those older generation that believes are owed a convo about ever detail of their lives + she is extremely gossipy about other people in a rude way) (she did apologize only to my bfs face about the MC and went out and bought some snacks as a silent apology for us + wished me a happy mothers day with some hesitation.) i dont really know how to handle it anymore. i dont have anywhere to go, i cant sleep in my car because im pregnant again but havent told anyone except my bf. we both came to the conclusion that we are moving out ASAP. we were close to renting a home but got backtracked because of the surprise MC in march. afterwards i started to spiral and my mental health hasnt been so good, a couple months afterwards a mentoparental figure passed away from a LOT of cance going into hospice, no one told me about the funeral either, had to figure out myself.. anyways, shes mainly just brought my bf to talk to her and her husband under the guise of how hes performing at work and then starts ranting about ME to him for literal hours. he does put his foot down but is kind of a mediator to not cause any drama that would ultimately get us kicked out. her husband does not intervene with her lectures/ ‘talks’. he sits there and actually doesnt say a word. this isnt the first time for a push for marriage has happened (her reasoning us that shes religious and believes that a man and woman shouldn’t even live together without being married, but has told us to our faces, with me present, that she doesnt want us to go anywhere because she likes us there/ theres no pressure to leave and every time my bf shows her an apartment he found she tries to talk him out of it) they also say that my bf barely spends time with his parents anymore and hints its because of me locking him away from them. i do not want to be here, i never did, i strongly advocated of not staying there because i knew it would cause issues since theyre pentecostal.. i do not agree with their religious views at all and have no issue with people being religious but do not force it on me, especially when im at my wits end and trying not to stress me and my baby out more + literally am homeless. i dont want to sleep in a walmart parking lot while pregnant.. but i feel like this is my last resort because of the blatant two faced bullying im receiving. i cook for them once and a while (with my own money + spend my own money buying them groceries because apparently 200 dollars my bf gives them isnt enough to feed anyone), i drive people around to work (sometimes as early as 4 in the morning and immediately get up at 4 in the evening to pick people up and no i dont get paid for the gas i do it for kindness/to help), i get zero sleep (mostly 4 hours and under right now) because her husband sleeps in the living room mostly and has absolutely maddening alarms (tornado siren) that go off between 2 am and 8 am (if he doesnt wake up to stop them) + no one lets me sleep in the ‘afternoon’ they call it (its 9-12 am) and have irritated my dog to bark at nothing at even 7 in the morning on weekends. ive been nice, ive been lenient but i cannot be nice to them (which they complain im so weird because i dont talk to them and am not buddy buddy with them for some sTrAnGe reason /sarc). please help me, i genuinely have no idea what to do and am on the verge of just walking into a river /sarc.
submitted by r0tten_cl4wz to Vent [link] [comments]
2024.05.29 05:43 WaveCave420 Sterilization Success !
Just had my bilateral salpingectomy today! I saw Dr. Charlotte Pickens in La Jolla, CA btw. It was an amazing experience y'all! Much easier than I anticipated! Buckle up, it's a long one, and very detailed! But all positive for the most part LOL
I'm 34 and have never EVER had surgery aside from getting my wisdom teeth out at 16, and a colonoscopy at 24. Never even broken a bone or gotten stitches, nothing. I have a lot of medical anxiety, I was tripping out the most over sleep paralysis despite anesthesia LOL Wasn't even nervous about the actual surgery, just didn't wanna wake up during it and be mentally scarred for life 🤣 Saw a few scary stories on TV once about that phenomenon.
The office gave me Hibiclens at my consult appt to take home & scrub my abdomen with the last 3 showers leading up surgery. Yesterday morning, yesterday evening, and this morning. No deodorant, lotions, perfumes, nail polish or jewelry after my shower this morning.
I was NPO after midnight last night. They instructed me to drink an ensure between 9pm-11pm last night since my surgery was in the afternoon. I also took half an Ativan last night at 9pm to make sure I slept and didn't have anxiety insomnia lol They also instructed me to take my heart arrythmia pill this morning right upon wakening with a tiny sip of water. I had an echocardiogram a week ago, so yes, I got cardiac clearance lol I also had a pre-op transvaginal ultrasound and blood work 2 weeks ago.
When I got there, they called me back to the pre-op room. I got weighed, asked for my height, and had to pee in a cup first thing. They then had me change into my gown, skiddy socks & hair net. They gave me 2 Tylenol 500mg & a Celebrex (200mg - for preventative nerve pain) with a tiny sip of water. Then they took my BP/pulse ox, and started my IV in my left hand, and started fluids and some Ativan. They also put on the leg compression things, man they feel great lol They got me heated blankets, and even had a lil pack of lavender smelly stuff they taped to the top left of my paper gown for relaxation 😊
All the staff came in and introduced themselves while in pre-op, from the surgeon herself, to the anesthesia team, to the OR scrub nurses, to the surgical resident that'd be observing (with my permission of course.) They also asked if they had permission to let the surgical resident practice a pelvic exam on me while under anesthesia, I agreed. I've been employed in healthcare myself for 17 years, so anything to help with someone's education! I could've refused if I wanted, but I really appreciated them asking beforehand.
They then wheeled me back to the OR, and I was feeling goooood with the Ativan lol They also pushed a lil GI cocktail too before they gave me the gas. I had to scoot myself from my original pre-op bed to the OR table, which was easy, they leveled the beds together and helped me. They then masked me with the gas, and I was outttt like a light after about 4-5 deeeeep inhales!!!
I woke up in post-op an hour and a half later. Went in at 12 noon, woke up at 1:30pm, all done! They intubated me after falling asleep, and pulled it out before waking up, it's like nothing ever happened! No soreness, hoarseness or coughing. I'm clearing my throat occasionally here and there 7 hours later, just kinda feels like when you get "bubbles" (post-nadal drip basically lol) in your throat with seasonal allergies. Not often enough to cause soreness which is great, waaaay better then what I anticipated after reading about other people's experiences on here. They cathed me too since they gave me fluids, thankfully after I was out, and removed it before I woke up, so it hurts to pee just a little bit, not even as bad a UTI 🤣 Like, a 4 on a scale of 1-10.
They gave me ice chips & apple juice straight upon awakening too, which was great! I had no nausea at all, still don't hours later. I rested for about 30 mins, then they brought back my ride to hang out with me and go over discharge instructions. I got up to go pee, and then they wheeled me outside to the car, and even opened the door & helped me get in!! They have $5 valet services for 0-3 hours parking, so the car was pulled right up to the curb right outside the front doors!
We drove straight to IHOP afterwards. I took it easy with some Belgian waffles & a few strips of bacon, and a mango iced tea, and a few sips of my ride's cinnamon milkshake lol I then stopped by Walgreens to grab a few house things I forgot to pick up last night, my ride helped & carried everything 😊
The ride home was smooth, I didn't have any discomfort from the shitty ass bumpy roads on our 30 min drive home lol I did bring a squishmallow to put between my belly and the seat belt, which was a genius idea I picked up on here!
BTW, I'm an occasional recreational cannabis user. I was honest and disclosed my use to my anesthesiologist only (VERY IMPORTANT), I didn't want that ICD-10 diagnosis use code going to Tricare from my consult appt ahead of surgery & prior authorization for obvious reasons lol. I quit edibles 2 months ago, and vaping 1 month ago. My anesthesiologist said I would've been fine discontinuing use just 5-7 days prior to surgery (no ibuprofen 7 days before either lol), but I did a month + to be safe, I'm a bit on the heavier side, and I've heard edibles stick around in your system (fat lol) much longer than just smoking/vaping, so I wanted to be super certain that I'd be clear and not fuck up anesthesia for myself. For reference, I'm 5'6", 180lbs. I took 3-4 puffs of a vape 4-5 days a week, and 10mg worth of edibles once almost every weekend for a few months straight, so not a super heavy user.
I hope my experience can help others make the decision to take the plunge too before election day lol I called to set up the consult appt back in December, had the actual consult appt in February, and first available surgery was today, late May.
I am a generally super anxious person by nature, and had my bestie/coworker take me to my very first surgery. My family is 3k miles away on the east Coast and couldn't be here, so if my anxious ass can do it, literally anybody can do it! I literally have nobody out here but my bestie, no family, no nothing. My soon to be ex husband is on deployment right now out in the Pacific, and is unreachable at the moment, and frankly doesn't give a shit. He knows I had surgery today too, and I KNOW he won't call or email out of common human decency to at least ask how it went when he does get back in service/port. He asked for a divorce a week after my consult appt, which happened to be 2 weeks before deployment, how convenient, after saying straight to my face before & after the appt that he totally supported my choice, and was looking forward to the DINK lifestyle with me. Oh well.
Y'all are 💯 when you say men aren't ~truly~ childfree unless they've had a vasectomy, or atleast got one scheduled on the books soon lol My conservative family back on the east coast are losing their shit over this, they're all christofacist trump bootlickers, I'm so glad I got to move away from all that and experience personal freedom/a different & better way of life out here. I'm so thankful to be in a position financially & geographically to have been able to take care of this. My GYN back home wouldn't even put an IUD in me at 29yrs old cause I never had kid before, so my cervix wasn't soft enough 🙄 Whatever bitch, I left and got spayed in Cali at 34 with no pushback from my Drs out here, kiss my grits lol
Thanks for coming to my hippie TED talk, hope this helps others! ♥️
submitted by WaveCave420 to sterilization [link] [comments]
I'm 34 and have never EVER had surgery aside from getting my wisdom teeth out at 16, and a colonoscopy at 24. Never even broken a bone or gotten stitches, nothing. I have a lot of medical anxiety, I was tripping out the most over sleep paralysis despite anesthesia LOL Wasn't even nervous about the actual surgery, just didn't wanna wake up during it and be mentally scarred for life 🤣 Saw a few scary stories on TV once about that phenomenon.
The office gave me Hibiclens at my consult appt to take home & scrub my abdomen with the last 3 showers leading up surgery. Yesterday morning, yesterday evening, and this morning. No deodorant, lotions, perfumes, nail polish or jewelry after my shower this morning.
I was NPO after midnight last night. They instructed me to drink an ensure between 9pm-11pm last night since my surgery was in the afternoon. I also took half an Ativan last night at 9pm to make sure I slept and didn't have anxiety insomnia lol They also instructed me to take my heart arrythmia pill this morning right upon wakening with a tiny sip of water. I had an echocardiogram a week ago, so yes, I got cardiac clearance lol I also had a pre-op transvaginal ultrasound and blood work 2 weeks ago.
When I got there, they called me back to the pre-op room. I got weighed, asked for my height, and had to pee in a cup first thing. They then had me change into my gown, skiddy socks & hair net. They gave me 2 Tylenol 500mg & a Celebrex (200mg - for preventative nerve pain) with a tiny sip of water. Then they took my BP/pulse ox, and started my IV in my left hand, and started fluids and some Ativan. They also put on the leg compression things, man they feel great lol They got me heated blankets, and even had a lil pack of lavender smelly stuff they taped to the top left of my paper gown for relaxation 😊
All the staff came in and introduced themselves while in pre-op, from the surgeon herself, to the anesthesia team, to the OR scrub nurses, to the surgical resident that'd be observing (with my permission of course.) They also asked if they had permission to let the surgical resident practice a pelvic exam on me while under anesthesia, I agreed. I've been employed in healthcare myself for 17 years, so anything to help with someone's education! I could've refused if I wanted, but I really appreciated them asking beforehand.
They then wheeled me back to the OR, and I was feeling goooood with the Ativan lol They also pushed a lil GI cocktail too before they gave me the gas. I had to scoot myself from my original pre-op bed to the OR table, which was easy, they leveled the beds together and helped me. They then masked me with the gas, and I was outttt like a light after about 4-5 deeeeep inhales!!!
I woke up in post-op an hour and a half later. Went in at 12 noon, woke up at 1:30pm, all done! They intubated me after falling asleep, and pulled it out before waking up, it's like nothing ever happened! No soreness, hoarseness or coughing. I'm clearing my throat occasionally here and there 7 hours later, just kinda feels like when you get "bubbles" (post-nadal drip basically lol) in your throat with seasonal allergies. Not often enough to cause soreness which is great, waaaay better then what I anticipated after reading about other people's experiences on here. They cathed me too since they gave me fluids, thankfully after I was out, and removed it before I woke up, so it hurts to pee just a little bit, not even as bad a UTI 🤣 Like, a 4 on a scale of 1-10.
They gave me ice chips & apple juice straight upon awakening too, which was great! I had no nausea at all, still don't hours later. I rested for about 30 mins, then they brought back my ride to hang out with me and go over discharge instructions. I got up to go pee, and then they wheeled me outside to the car, and even opened the door & helped me get in!! They have $5 valet services for 0-3 hours parking, so the car was pulled right up to the curb right outside the front doors!
We drove straight to IHOP afterwards. I took it easy with some Belgian waffles & a few strips of bacon, and a mango iced tea, and a few sips of my ride's cinnamon milkshake lol I then stopped by Walgreens to grab a few house things I forgot to pick up last night, my ride helped & carried everything 😊
The ride home was smooth, I didn't have any discomfort from the shitty ass bumpy roads on our 30 min drive home lol I did bring a squishmallow to put between my belly and the seat belt, which was a genius idea I picked up on here!
BTW, I'm an occasional recreational cannabis user. I was honest and disclosed my use to my anesthesiologist only (VERY IMPORTANT), I didn't want that ICD-10 diagnosis use code going to Tricare from my consult appt ahead of surgery & prior authorization for obvious reasons lol. I quit edibles 2 months ago, and vaping 1 month ago. My anesthesiologist said I would've been fine discontinuing use just 5-7 days prior to surgery (no ibuprofen 7 days before either lol), but I did a month + to be safe, I'm a bit on the heavier side, and I've heard edibles stick around in your system (fat lol) much longer than just smoking/vaping, so I wanted to be super certain that I'd be clear and not fuck up anesthesia for myself. For reference, I'm 5'6", 180lbs. I took 3-4 puffs of a vape 4-5 days a week, and 10mg worth of edibles once almost every weekend for a few months straight, so not a super heavy user.
I hope my experience can help others make the decision to take the plunge too before election day lol I called to set up the consult appt back in December, had the actual consult appt in February, and first available surgery was today, late May.
I am a generally super anxious person by nature, and had my bestie/coworker take me to my very first surgery. My family is 3k miles away on the east Coast and couldn't be here, so if my anxious ass can do it, literally anybody can do it! I literally have nobody out here but my bestie, no family, no nothing. My soon to be ex husband is on deployment right now out in the Pacific, and is unreachable at the moment, and frankly doesn't give a shit. He knows I had surgery today too, and I KNOW he won't call or email out of common human decency to at least ask how it went when he does get back in service/port. He asked for a divorce a week after my consult appt, which happened to be 2 weeks before deployment, how convenient, after saying straight to my face before & after the appt that he totally supported my choice, and was looking forward to the DINK lifestyle with me. Oh well.
Y'all are 💯 when you say men aren't ~truly~ childfree unless they've had a vasectomy, or atleast got one scheduled on the books soon lol My conservative family back on the east coast are losing their shit over this, they're all christofacist trump bootlickers, I'm so glad I got to move away from all that and experience personal freedom/a different & better way of life out here. I'm so thankful to be in a position financially & geographically to have been able to take care of this. My GYN back home wouldn't even put an IUD in me at 29yrs old cause I never had kid before, so my cervix wasn't soft enough 🙄 Whatever bitch, I left and got spayed in Cali at 34 with no pushback from my Drs out here, kiss my grits lol
Thanks for coming to my hippie TED talk, hope this helps others! ♥️
2024.05.29 05:38 DownPin At Fault Car Accident at Work [KS]
At Fault Car Accident While Working [KS]
Just needed some advice regarding an incident that had happened while at work.
I live in Kansas and my job requires me to drive around the county fairly often. They provided a fleet of cars. The cars are insured by them.
Today I was driving along with a coworker who was in the passenger seat. I was going south and had stopped to make a left turn into a street. The other side of the street had cars backed in their left lane due to a car wanting to take a left lane as well so my view was obstructed. When I thought it was safe and clear to go, I proceeded with a left turn and was immediately hit by a car going north about 35 to 40 mph. From what I can remember my car felt like it spun multiple times. Two car accident. My airbags went off. The driver of the other car stayed in his car until paramedics came and was taken to the hospital by ambulance. He seemed disoriented. Our car definitely sustained a lot of damage and I believe it will be totaled. As soon as I recovered from the shock I got out the car to check on my coworker who seemed disoriented and in shock still. I had a bystander call the police. Plenty of witnesses to see what happened. Firefighters came first and then EMS and then the police. We declined an ambulance since I told them that we could get a ride to the hospital (I had my GF come and pick us up). I promptly notified administration at work of the accident and the maintenance man was sent out to tow the car and provide insurance information of the car. Administration also had HR send me workers compensation information to fill out. The police took my statement and had me fill out an accident form. I put the company auto insurance down. I was cited for failure to yield to right of way - left turn.
We then went to the hospital to get checked out since my ankle was hurt and my worker seemed to have a concussion. She and I both provided our personal insurance information. They then learned we were on the clock for work and stated it changes things since it’s considered worker’s compensation.
They ran 3 x rays on my ankle and deemed no fractures or dislocation. I do feel a sharp pain when I fully extend it backwards and forwards. I can walk on it but there is a bit of discomfort. My coworker stated her head really hurt and they had her do a CT scan.
When I got home I called to pay the citation and they said there’s no notice to appear and it’s just a fine.
Is there anything thing I need to be aware of since I was considered at fault by the police? How will this affect my insurance? Will I be needing an attorney? Is there anything I should or shouldn’t be doing?
submitted by DownPin to Insurance [link] [comments]
Just needed some advice regarding an incident that had happened while at work.
I live in Kansas and my job requires me to drive around the county fairly often. They provided a fleet of cars. The cars are insured by them.
Today I was driving along with a coworker who was in the passenger seat. I was going south and had stopped to make a left turn into a street. The other side of the street had cars backed in their left lane due to a car wanting to take a left lane as well so my view was obstructed. When I thought it was safe and clear to go, I proceeded with a left turn and was immediately hit by a car going north about 35 to 40 mph. From what I can remember my car felt like it spun multiple times. Two car accident. My airbags went off. The driver of the other car stayed in his car until paramedics came and was taken to the hospital by ambulance. He seemed disoriented. Our car definitely sustained a lot of damage and I believe it will be totaled. As soon as I recovered from the shock I got out the car to check on my coworker who seemed disoriented and in shock still. I had a bystander call the police. Plenty of witnesses to see what happened. Firefighters came first and then EMS and then the police. We declined an ambulance since I told them that we could get a ride to the hospital (I had my GF come and pick us up). I promptly notified administration at work of the accident and the maintenance man was sent out to tow the car and provide insurance information of the car. Administration also had HR send me workers compensation information to fill out. The police took my statement and had me fill out an accident form. I put the company auto insurance down. I was cited for failure to yield to right of way - left turn.
We then went to the hospital to get checked out since my ankle was hurt and my worker seemed to have a concussion. She and I both provided our personal insurance information. They then learned we were on the clock for work and stated it changes things since it’s considered worker’s compensation.
They ran 3 x rays on my ankle and deemed no fractures or dislocation. I do feel a sharp pain when I fully extend it backwards and forwards. I can walk on it but there is a bit of discomfort. My coworker stated her head really hurt and they had her do a CT scan.
When I got home I called to pay the citation and they said there’s no notice to appear and it’s just a fine.
Is there anything thing I need to be aware of since I was considered at fault by the police? How will this affect my insurance? Will I be needing an attorney? Is there anything I should or shouldn’t be doing?
2024.05.29 05:35 Professional-Sky-821 So... I (18M) kind of disobeyed one of the two rules set by my now ex-girlfriend (18F) and me before our temporary relationship began. TLDR: I fell in love with my gf despite being told not to at the start of our relationship. What should I do?
I'll start this story off by saying that I may not have known this person for very long on a deep and emotional level for very long, and she didn't reveal herself to me very much until we began to at least try and function like friends, but when she did I couldn't quite get enough of it. The story starts a little ways back when I was trying to get over my feelings for my first girlfriend (it happened unrelated to the following events) and my now ex-girlfriend (let's call her Becky) was trying to get one of our peers to leave her alone because we thought he was a little creepy.
At this time, Becky and I are completely unable to stand being around each other for longer than thirty seconds. We fight like siblings. The best and only possible solution is to begin fake dating. Yay, we're a romcom minus the "rom" part (I can't help but laugh as I remember this). Whenever we were talking about the terms of the fake dating act we discussed how we would play along and did all sorts of things to make the act seem real even at close inspection. I made it completely clear to her at the beginning of our "relationship" that there was a 90% chance that I caught legitimate feelings, and I fought those off for a while because I remembered the mission of the fake relationship was to make first girlfriend jealous.
Well, even a friendship with the first girlfriend wasn't possible after I got upset one night about her new boyfriend and said some things that I shouldn't have. This isn't an AITA post though, so big skip. When I was dealing with the fallout of having lost friends and feeling angsty and frustrated Becky was the for me for some reason, even though we still fought with each other when nobody was looking and gagged at the idea of touching one another, even worse, acting like we were in love. I had told her the entire story of what had happened and she still thought I was a safe person to be in proximity to. She was also very gentle with me after that.
Some things happened and I slowly started to realize I wanted to know Becky far more than I did before. She was gentle with me and knew what to say and how to say it while making sure my head was secured to my shoulders. I did it. I formed legitimate feelings. I called Becky a few nights later to tell her how I was feeling. I wasn't really expecting her to want to go on a date with me, I just really wanted her to be aware of my thoughts and feelings, for my worst fear was turning into the peer that she was trying to avoid, but I would be worse because I could act on the romantic feelings within reason.
She told me she needed to have a little time to think about things and talk to her friends about how she was feeling. A couple of hours later she texted me and said that she would do the real relationship on the condition that we end the relationship when she moves away at the end of the semester. That was really what I was thinking before since I had just gotten out of a really stressful and controlling relationship a couple of months prior (life is crazy). The second rule would be that we would not fall in love. The relationship is temporary and it will stay that way. The deal was struck. Let the dating begin.
I just want to say that the three or so months spent with Becky were some of the most special moments of my entire life so far (yes I know I'm 18 and have plenty more of those chances). Two moments spent with her occupy the top two of the top three spots of the most romantic moments I've ever taken part in. 1. Looking up at the stars in the middle of an empty field on the hood of my dinky little sedan and 2. joy riding my father's mid-life crisis car (a manual with no electronic assists, so it's like fighting for your life the whole time.) Plus all the little moments that we spent together in between the giant ones.
Something that needs to be understood about Becky is that she does not ever show her emotions. If she were at a card table in Vegas I would have no doubt that she would walk out of that gambling hall ready to retire comfortably. It made me incredibly interested in her even more. Especially when she let me see her thoughts and feelings. I became fascinated by any little emotion I could find, any bit of need, curiosity, joy, hurt, jealousy, terror, care, sadness, love. And I found it quite a bit (my eyes are welling up currently). She seemed quite happy with me because I could always get her to reveal herself to me.
I would like to add that this entire time I was so terrified of disrespecting or making this woman uncomfortable at all to the point where I apologized excessively if I misread signals. I almost always asked permission to touch her. And never once in our relationship did I find the guts to kiss her.
The time of Becky's move was quickly approaching. She was to go to her new town on vacation for a week to look for homes and cover other bases before she could leave for good. The day before she left she asked if we could talk. I knew as soon as she said it that it was to be a breakup. we met up at a restaurant and ate our meals before she got to business. Even though she wouldn't be moving for another few weeks after returning (she still hasn't) that it would be best to end the relationship now. She explained why, but I can't remember because I was so focused on how her voice broke when she was saying her opening line. I responded with a brisk "okay" and we fist-bumped to seal the deal. I began laughing hysterically because I was going to cry since only a pretty awesome girl ends a relationship with a fist bump (it wasn't awkward or anything and that may just be my personal opinion).
This past week I've been pretty upset about the fact that it's over. I even cried when I made the joke to myself, "Since our relationship is over do we go back to hating each other?" That's when I realized that I couldn't stand the idea of hating her again and that I in fact fell in love with her despite being told not to.
I told my best friend about how I was feeling tonight and about how I had fallen in love with Becky despite that being one of two rules set at the beginning of our relationship. How do you break a rule when there are only two that you could possibly break?! I also asked my friend tonight if I should tell Becky I love her. His answer was a very short and simple "no". I'm here mostly to use Reddit as my therapist and maybe here the opinions of internet strangers on what I should do.
How do you suggest I take action here? What are some of the solutions for a long-distance relationship from 1,200 miles away? How can I move on from these thoughts and feelings if I should just let good things go (that made me cry a little)? How do you think that she would react?
submitted by Professional-Sky-821 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
At this time, Becky and I are completely unable to stand being around each other for longer than thirty seconds. We fight like siblings. The best and only possible solution is to begin fake dating. Yay, we're a romcom minus the "rom" part (I can't help but laugh as I remember this). Whenever we were talking about the terms of the fake dating act we discussed how we would play along and did all sorts of things to make the act seem real even at close inspection. I made it completely clear to her at the beginning of our "relationship" that there was a 90% chance that I caught legitimate feelings, and I fought those off for a while because I remembered the mission of the fake relationship was to make first girlfriend jealous.
Well, even a friendship with the first girlfriend wasn't possible after I got upset one night about her new boyfriend and said some things that I shouldn't have. This isn't an AITA post though, so big skip. When I was dealing with the fallout of having lost friends and feeling angsty and frustrated Becky was the for me for some reason, even though we still fought with each other when nobody was looking and gagged at the idea of touching one another, even worse, acting like we were in love. I had told her the entire story of what had happened and she still thought I was a safe person to be in proximity to. She was also very gentle with me after that.
Some things happened and I slowly started to realize I wanted to know Becky far more than I did before. She was gentle with me and knew what to say and how to say it while making sure my head was secured to my shoulders. I did it. I formed legitimate feelings. I called Becky a few nights later to tell her how I was feeling. I wasn't really expecting her to want to go on a date with me, I just really wanted her to be aware of my thoughts and feelings, for my worst fear was turning into the peer that she was trying to avoid, but I would be worse because I could act on the romantic feelings within reason.
She told me she needed to have a little time to think about things and talk to her friends about how she was feeling. A couple of hours later she texted me and said that she would do the real relationship on the condition that we end the relationship when she moves away at the end of the semester. That was really what I was thinking before since I had just gotten out of a really stressful and controlling relationship a couple of months prior (life is crazy). The second rule would be that we would not fall in love. The relationship is temporary and it will stay that way. The deal was struck. Let the dating begin.
I just want to say that the three or so months spent with Becky were some of the most special moments of my entire life so far (yes I know I'm 18 and have plenty more of those chances). Two moments spent with her occupy the top two of the top three spots of the most romantic moments I've ever taken part in. 1. Looking up at the stars in the middle of an empty field on the hood of my dinky little sedan and 2. joy riding my father's mid-life crisis car (a manual with no electronic assists, so it's like fighting for your life the whole time.) Plus all the little moments that we spent together in between the giant ones.
Something that needs to be understood about Becky is that she does not ever show her emotions. If she were at a card table in Vegas I would have no doubt that she would walk out of that gambling hall ready to retire comfortably. It made me incredibly interested in her even more. Especially when she let me see her thoughts and feelings. I became fascinated by any little emotion I could find, any bit of need, curiosity, joy, hurt, jealousy, terror, care, sadness, love. And I found it quite a bit (my eyes are welling up currently). She seemed quite happy with me because I could always get her to reveal herself to me.
I would like to add that this entire time I was so terrified of disrespecting or making this woman uncomfortable at all to the point where I apologized excessively if I misread signals. I almost always asked permission to touch her. And never once in our relationship did I find the guts to kiss her.
The time of Becky's move was quickly approaching. She was to go to her new town on vacation for a week to look for homes and cover other bases before she could leave for good. The day before she left she asked if we could talk. I knew as soon as she said it that it was to be a breakup. we met up at a restaurant and ate our meals before she got to business. Even though she wouldn't be moving for another few weeks after returning (she still hasn't) that it would be best to end the relationship now. She explained why, but I can't remember because I was so focused on how her voice broke when she was saying her opening line. I responded with a brisk "okay" and we fist-bumped to seal the deal. I began laughing hysterically because I was going to cry since only a pretty awesome girl ends a relationship with a fist bump (it wasn't awkward or anything and that may just be my personal opinion).
This past week I've been pretty upset about the fact that it's over. I even cried when I made the joke to myself, "Since our relationship is over do we go back to hating each other?" That's when I realized that I couldn't stand the idea of hating her again and that I in fact fell in love with her despite being told not to.
I told my best friend about how I was feeling tonight and about how I had fallen in love with Becky despite that being one of two rules set at the beginning of our relationship. How do you break a rule when there are only two that you could possibly break?! I also asked my friend tonight if I should tell Becky I love her. His answer was a very short and simple "no". I'm here mostly to use Reddit as my therapist and maybe here the opinions of internet strangers on what I should do.
How do you suggest I take action here? What are some of the solutions for a long-distance relationship from 1,200 miles away? How can I move on from these thoughts and feelings if I should just let good things go (that made me cry a little)? How do you think that she would react?
2024.05.29 05:33 relaxbro14 Home Insurance Claim Question; Ordinance or Law Coverage
Long story short, a wind storm removed a handful of sections of tin roof allowing rain to leak into my house, which has ruined my dining room and belongings. For back story, it appears as if the dining room was an addition to the original blueprint of the house at some point long before I bought it.
When the contractors were gutting the room, they came across a litany of things not up to current code. A third party engineer came out and inspected it, giving a detailed list of things not up to code/require further inspection.
Direct list of things from the engineer’s report “We observed the following: -The addition framing does not match typical IRC framing methods. Permit research of the property did not show any permits for this type of work. -No hurricane ties are present at the roof rafter bearing. -The exterior wood studs are not continuous to the sill plate and the sill plate is stacked with gaps and offsets. Improper load path at wall framing. -The sill plates are not mechanically fastened to the foundation walls. Additionally, they do not match typical IRC detailing. -The floor joists rest directly on soil. The joists and sheathing are rotting from the top down. -The joists are not mechanically fastened to the foundation wall. -The foundation walls are ungrouted -The following architectural/MEP items were noted: -No apparent vapor barrier below the joists -Not adequate crawl space depth, per IRC code -No crawl space venting, appeared to be damp conditions below floor system -Floor and wall finishes appeared compromised due to the inability of proper air flow. -Unclear how the roof would be vented – if unvented, improper insulation techniques utilized -The roof slopes and roof intersections between them, as well as at the chimney, present inadequate water paths for drainage -Juncture of asphalt roofing to metal roofing is missing a high/low transition strip, therefore relying on adhesive sealants – prone to failure”
I have Law and ordinance (code upgrades) in my policy up to $40K, but my adjuster stated that they won’t cover any of the upgrades to things such as the improper foundation or framing since “they were not directly damaged from the peril” and instead currently plan on just covering the costs of redoing the drywall, flooring, and subfloor.
Perhaps I’m mistaken, but isn’t this exactly what code upgrades are for? If not in this specific instance, then when exactly are they used? I’m genuinely curious, because section 3 below makes me feel as if I’m entitled to utilize that portion of the policy given that I pay for it. The following text is directly from my insurance policy, specifically the law and ordinance subsection.
“Ordinance Or Law Coverage- If a loss by a PERIL WE INSURE AGAINST occurs to covered property, or the building containing the covered property, "we" will pay for the increased costs incurred due to the enforcement of any ordinance or law that is in force at the time of the loss. The maximum amount "we" will pay in any one loss is the amount shown on the "Declarations.” Payment is in addition to the amount of insurance applying to the loss.
"You" may use this coverage for: 1. the construction, demolition, renovation or repair of the portion of the building damaged by a PERIL WE INSURE AGAINST; 2. the demolition and reconstruction of the undamaged portion of the building if the entire building must be demolished because of damage by a PERIL WE INSURE AGAINST: 3. the removal or replacement of the undamaged portion of the building because of the repair or replacement of the portion of the building damaged by a PERIL WE INSURE AGAINST; 4. or the removal of debris resulting from the construction, demolition, renovation, repair or replacement of Item 1. 2. or 3.
Ordinance Or Law Coverage does not include coverage for: -loss in value to any covered building due to the requirements of any ordinance or law; or -the cost to comply with any ordinance or law requiring the testing, monitoring, cleaning up, removing, containing, treating, detoxifying, neutralizing, responding to or assessing the effects of any solid, liquid, gaseous or thermal irritant, pollutant or contaminant in or on any covered building.”
Will somebody please help me break down exactly what that all means? Am I just being strong armed by my adjuster in order to keep the total claim amount low, or am I truly the one that has to foot the bill on those things?
Thank you in advance, kind experts of the Redditverse <3
submitted by relaxbro14 to Insurance [link] [comments]
When the contractors were gutting the room, they came across a litany of things not up to current code. A third party engineer came out and inspected it, giving a detailed list of things not up to code/require further inspection.
Direct list of things from the engineer’s report “We observed the following: -The addition framing does not match typical IRC framing methods. Permit research of the property did not show any permits for this type of work. -No hurricane ties are present at the roof rafter bearing. -The exterior wood studs are not continuous to the sill plate and the sill plate is stacked with gaps and offsets. Improper load path at wall framing. -The sill plates are not mechanically fastened to the foundation walls. Additionally, they do not match typical IRC detailing. -The floor joists rest directly on soil. The joists and sheathing are rotting from the top down. -The joists are not mechanically fastened to the foundation wall. -The foundation walls are ungrouted -The following architectural/MEP items were noted: -No apparent vapor barrier below the joists -Not adequate crawl space depth, per IRC code -No crawl space venting, appeared to be damp conditions below floor system -Floor and wall finishes appeared compromised due to the inability of proper air flow. -Unclear how the roof would be vented – if unvented, improper insulation techniques utilized -The roof slopes and roof intersections between them, as well as at the chimney, present inadequate water paths for drainage -Juncture of asphalt roofing to metal roofing is missing a high/low transition strip, therefore relying on adhesive sealants – prone to failure”
I have Law and ordinance (code upgrades) in my policy up to $40K, but my adjuster stated that they won’t cover any of the upgrades to things such as the improper foundation or framing since “they were not directly damaged from the peril” and instead currently plan on just covering the costs of redoing the drywall, flooring, and subfloor.
Perhaps I’m mistaken, but isn’t this exactly what code upgrades are for? If not in this specific instance, then when exactly are they used? I’m genuinely curious, because section 3 below makes me feel as if I’m entitled to utilize that portion of the policy given that I pay for it. The following text is directly from my insurance policy, specifically the law and ordinance subsection.
“Ordinance Or Law Coverage- If a loss by a PERIL WE INSURE AGAINST occurs to covered property, or the building containing the covered property, "we" will pay for the increased costs incurred due to the enforcement of any ordinance or law that is in force at the time of the loss. The maximum amount "we" will pay in any one loss is the amount shown on the "Declarations.” Payment is in addition to the amount of insurance applying to the loss.
"You" may use this coverage for: 1. the construction, demolition, renovation or repair of the portion of the building damaged by a PERIL WE INSURE AGAINST; 2. the demolition and reconstruction of the undamaged portion of the building if the entire building must be demolished because of damage by a PERIL WE INSURE AGAINST: 3. the removal or replacement of the undamaged portion of the building because of the repair or replacement of the portion of the building damaged by a PERIL WE INSURE AGAINST; 4. or the removal of debris resulting from the construction, demolition, renovation, repair or replacement of Item 1. 2. or 3.
Ordinance Or Law Coverage does not include coverage for: -loss in value to any covered building due to the requirements of any ordinance or law; or -the cost to comply with any ordinance or law requiring the testing, monitoring, cleaning up, removing, containing, treating, detoxifying, neutralizing, responding to or assessing the effects of any solid, liquid, gaseous or thermal irritant, pollutant or contaminant in or on any covered building.”
Will somebody please help me break down exactly what that all means? Am I just being strong armed by my adjuster in order to keep the total claim amount low, or am I truly the one that has to foot the bill on those things?
Thank you in advance, kind experts of the Redditverse <3
2024.05.29 05:30 Interesting_Prompt97 Minimal Insurance Policy to keep when moving out of the US for an year
I have to move to Singapore because of my visa and I will return to the US after one year. I own a Mazda 3 and it is under finance. I reside in Los Angeles and since I will not be using my car, I plan to ship it to Washington state to keep it at my brother's place. He won't be using it but he has agreed to keep my car until I return. My car is on finance and I am trying to make an informed decision about the minimal insurance policy I should maintain as I want to keep my car. I called the Mazda finance and they informed me that I should have the insurance policy that covers the "loss of damage for the full value of the vehicle" (in their exact words). I don't want to keep paying a lot of money for insurance while I don't use the car. Has anyone ever been in this situation? I am seeking help to understand how I should proceed in this situation?
submitted by Interesting_Prompt97 to Insurance [link] [comments]
- I called up progressive insurance and they said they don't have any storage mode. However, they said that having only comprehensive coverage is the same as "storage mode". Since my vehicle is on finance, would DMV agree to that as I read that different states have different policies in place? Does anyone know what are the requirements California state has for minimal insurance?
- Can I cancel the vehicle registration and later cancel my insurance? From what the Mazda finance has told me, I don't think this is possible but I would like to hear this sub's opinion?
- Would selling my car make more sense? I dont want to go this route but I would like to know if that is indeed a reasonable thing to do to avoid all this hassle. My vehicle has already depreciated in value by $9000.
2024.05.29 05:27 Positive-Light-7032 AITA/ Bridezilla - For standing up for my happiness n not allowing my siblings/ family and friends ruin our day.
Please bare with me as this will be a long one, it's my first ever post on reddit.
TW of child loss.
I (32f) my FH (35m) are getting married august this year. We live in Australia in a different state to both sides of our family. As we thought instead of picking between the two states we are from, we will have it where we are now.
History as I know all you lot love the background stories. We met in 2019, through tinder(in the state we currently both are atm). It was love at first sight for me. I already had a son who in 2019 was 8yo. My son adorned my partner, he would talk about future siblings and us getting married. Which led my partner n I picking wedding songs and talking about marriage. In 2021 my partner n I were a bit rocky. But my world came crashing apart when I got a phone call my son passed in a car crash. I flew back to my home state and well as you can imagine I was a mess. My family which I hadn't spoken to in 4 years due to being accused for something I did not do. They found out I didn't. But long story short I was in the head space to nit pick. My sons funeral happened and well I just got left by all my siblings to do the clean up my self while they went to the after do. I missed it. I'm only one person and I got blamed and made to feel like crap for it. And a lot other shit. In other words three of my siblings are arseholes. If they dont get their way. My sister we'll call her Petal(24), brothers Steve (31) n Bob (27).
My partner n I always stayed in contact but we spilt as he was still in the state we met. His boss wouldn't let him take time off etc. In the beginning 2023 I came back to the state to organise my sons stuff. Realising this man kept everything of his and mine in the same spot. He still looked after my cat n dog after all that time also. We rekindled and both realised the flame was always still there for each other. So by September last year we were ready to move forward with life as short as it is announce to our family's save the dates. Via Txt as we both have huge families, we would save the money this way.
A few weeks go by. I get a phone call from Steve. (Whom I havent spoken to since before coming up here as I had enough of always being cancelled on or never picking up my calls or barely responding to my texts) So I was like why am I getting a call. Turns out I just got questions after questions... well statements 'you never asked me to move' 'mum will be staying with me not you on your wedding' 'im not babysitting joey' youngest brother 12yo we I stated he would be other brother Dale (second youngest 21- they are all my siblings from my mother's side) as they are always together when Dale visits. I just focused on the positive. I knew he was wanting me to bite. Then when I was explaining joey would be walking behind my nieces with my sons photo Steve interrupted when are you getting married and laughed. He then said no, His daughter wasn't going to be wearing a dress she'll be wearing the same as her dad... and laughed. at the beginning of his save the date I put 'Aunty would love niece to be a flower girl if she would like' Remember no contact since this phone call at all. So I thought he was joking as he laughed. He then started repeating she was wearing the same as him. He also asked why would joey be following them and as I was explaining what I was thinking as my son would've wanted his cousins up there with him. I got cut off. I just planned all this and I said no I asked and you never responded. You never said no even when I spoke about the dresses. Apparently I just don't know what no sounds like and I've not changed and she is HIS flower girl for when him and his partner get married. I understand wanting your child to be apart of your wedding.... hence why I was trying to do what I know damn sure my boy would have done - to the point if they weren't in the party he would walk up to them n get them to help throw petal down the isle. I was upset. He rambled on and yelled shit at me and hung up when I said well if you didn't want her being a flower girl you could've just said it straight out.
I am still upset but I'm only upset due to he only brought it up when I was talking about what my son would want. If he had a problem with it why didn't he say it before hand. Later mum(51) found out him n his partner were upset I was getting married before them ( they have been engaged since 2021 and no mention of a wedding date) and they didn't want their daughter being someone else's flower girl before hand. Which again I understand so why not say that instead of starting the shit?
The next day Bob decided to tell me he couldn't come to the wedding as he doesn't know what his life would bring him to be doing then 🤦🏼♀️
Anyway I start to move forward with wedding planning . I let a friend know, as i was going to ask her to be a Bm. After saying getting married she bloody laughed so hard like i told the most funniest joke ever.... her daughter came in she is still laughing n said ' can you believe they are getting married' while wiping away tears from her eyes she laughed so hard. So I decided not to mention the bm part. She later started telling me what I should do for colours, who the bms should be, that the best man wears something different to the groomsmen. Etc. It was getting out of hand and everytime I mentioned we had decided what we are doing already is was wrong .... until she decided to make a competition with my unaware mother 'she better wear a dress or ill look better then her. Maybe even you' so I cut her out of my social group, my partner still thinks she was just helping. He needs the fog to clear.
I ask my best friend who I have known since 2017 and who was still there for me through the hard time of my son passing and still is to this day. Kel(43f) to be my MOH. My two sisters Petal n Kay(28f on father's side) as bridesmaids. As iTs tHe rIgHt tHiNg to do 🤦🏼♀️ at first I thought petal would flake first. If it's not her way she'll make some sort of version (even if it's LIES) that you did her wrong. I picked the dresses they were more then happy to pay for them. $160 ish each(aus). Well Kay went Mia for a few weeks. Then in January this year asked me if the place accepted afterpay. I said I know they accept Kalana or what ever its called. N then she was busting her arse for me to check.... she had the website I asked if she had her flights and accommodation prebooked. Nothing. As I was going to offer to pay for the dress if she was struggling. So I offered for her to come as a guest. 2 weeks NOT A SINGLE WORD. Not answering my calls or texts that wasn't even about the wedding. Its now Feb. I ask my cousin to be a back BM she was more then happy n as I was on the phone to her Kay said ' im getting a job so it'll be all sorted' now Kay is a sister who will take advantage for other people's hand outs. Where we are the closer to august you leave it your looking at 1600 n back minimum. N the week we are getting married not only with it be tourist session but race day also ( we forgot about race day 😅) After explaining this to her she decided with many more weeks in between she'll not come to the wedding at all.
So then it was my BF, petal and cousin.
Two weeks ago I got asked by my fathers (he is a dead beat) sister if he was invited. Long story short, I'm the child he never wanted. He never met my son at all while he was alive and loves to cause drama when it's not about him. He was a junkie when I first met him. So I politely said sorry no he is not and sorry for putting you in this position.
Just up until last week petal flaked. Family drama was happening and I pulled her up on her lies she had put in a group chat. She hadn't spoken to me since May. She would read the wedding chat but not respond. And I found out she had me on mute. Laste week I messaged her on the group chat, our private chat and text her can you aleast let me know whats going on. She came back with ' im not coming nor will I be in your wedding' I thanked her for letting me know. Went in the group chat for the wedding n she had already removed herself. N I blocked her shortly after my mum called. Mum had asked if I had heard from Petal. I told her what happened. Well, mum Being a mum was like 'ill get to the bottom of this' She asked why are you not part of the wedding anymore. My sister turned n said its not of your business. N then said I blocked her from the chat a while ago and I have not once messaged her n I'm mean. Mum caught her out n said she seen her lil picture keep up with the messaged just today etc. N she just banged on how no one understands her. So I blocked her.
I have now asked for my partners Sister to be a bm and she's more then happy to and I paid for her dress straight away so it should arrive to her before she is due to come up.
I found out in April my son will finally be a older brother like he always wanted. This is a miracle baby as I've had a few health problems with my uterus. To the point doctors said I might not even be able to do IVF. My partner n I are over the moon. I am in a a place where I'm happy and upset because my son is not here to witness what he always wanted. We have only told those that have been supportive, mu mum Dale and joey and my Sil.
All the stress of just my family has taken its toll. We have already paid majority of the wedding off and can't elope. I've lost all happiness for our day. I'm scared my father will rock up (he is spiteful like that) n im just deflated. With the add stress of being now 12weeks pregnant and still worried I could lose it at any point.
I have gotten all their jewellery, personalised pjs since Kay was involved. Personalised gifts and im paying for their hair and make up.
Kel my Moh is ready to go on a witch hunt. She's pissed that I have let it all go on for so long. So I'm trying to see if I am in the right or if I am in the wrong.
Am I being the Arsehole ? Bridezilla? Just feels no matter what happens in my life it's not good enough. If anything needs clearing up please let me know. Sorry for the long post. Thankyou in advance And if anyone has any advice ? Thankyou
submitted by Positive-Light-7032 to CharlotteDobreYouTube [link] [comments]
TW of child loss.
I (32f) my FH (35m) are getting married august this year. We live in Australia in a different state to both sides of our family. As we thought instead of picking between the two states we are from, we will have it where we are now.
History as I know all you lot love the background stories. We met in 2019, through tinder(in the state we currently both are atm). It was love at first sight for me. I already had a son who in 2019 was 8yo. My son adorned my partner, he would talk about future siblings and us getting married. Which led my partner n I picking wedding songs and talking about marriage. In 2021 my partner n I were a bit rocky. But my world came crashing apart when I got a phone call my son passed in a car crash. I flew back to my home state and well as you can imagine I was a mess. My family which I hadn't spoken to in 4 years due to being accused for something I did not do. They found out I didn't. But long story short I was in the head space to nit pick. My sons funeral happened and well I just got left by all my siblings to do the clean up my self while they went to the after do. I missed it. I'm only one person and I got blamed and made to feel like crap for it. And a lot other shit. In other words three of my siblings are arseholes. If they dont get their way. My sister we'll call her Petal(24), brothers Steve (31) n Bob (27).
My partner n I always stayed in contact but we spilt as he was still in the state we met. His boss wouldn't let him take time off etc. In the beginning 2023 I came back to the state to organise my sons stuff. Realising this man kept everything of his and mine in the same spot. He still looked after my cat n dog after all that time also. We rekindled and both realised the flame was always still there for each other. So by September last year we were ready to move forward with life as short as it is announce to our family's save the dates. Via Txt as we both have huge families, we would save the money this way.
A few weeks go by. I get a phone call from Steve. (Whom I havent spoken to since before coming up here as I had enough of always being cancelled on or never picking up my calls or barely responding to my texts) So I was like why am I getting a call. Turns out I just got questions after questions... well statements 'you never asked me to move' 'mum will be staying with me not you on your wedding' 'im not babysitting joey' youngest brother 12yo we I stated he would be other brother Dale (second youngest 21- they are all my siblings from my mother's side) as they are always together when Dale visits. I just focused on the positive. I knew he was wanting me to bite. Then when I was explaining joey would be walking behind my nieces with my sons photo Steve interrupted when are you getting married and laughed. He then said no, His daughter wasn't going to be wearing a dress she'll be wearing the same as her dad... and laughed. at the beginning of his save the date I put 'Aunty would love niece to be a flower girl if she would like' Remember no contact since this phone call at all. So I thought he was joking as he laughed. He then started repeating she was wearing the same as him. He also asked why would joey be following them and as I was explaining what I was thinking as my son would've wanted his cousins up there with him. I got cut off. I just planned all this and I said no I asked and you never responded. You never said no even when I spoke about the dresses. Apparently I just don't know what no sounds like and I've not changed and she is HIS flower girl for when him and his partner get married. I understand wanting your child to be apart of your wedding.... hence why I was trying to do what I know damn sure my boy would have done - to the point if they weren't in the party he would walk up to them n get them to help throw petal down the isle. I was upset. He rambled on and yelled shit at me and hung up when I said well if you didn't want her being a flower girl you could've just said it straight out.
I am still upset but I'm only upset due to he only brought it up when I was talking about what my son would want. If he had a problem with it why didn't he say it before hand. Later mum(51) found out him n his partner were upset I was getting married before them ( they have been engaged since 2021 and no mention of a wedding date) and they didn't want their daughter being someone else's flower girl before hand. Which again I understand so why not say that instead of starting the shit?
The next day Bob decided to tell me he couldn't come to the wedding as he doesn't know what his life would bring him to be doing then 🤦🏼♀️
Anyway I start to move forward with wedding planning . I let a friend know, as i was going to ask her to be a Bm. After saying getting married she bloody laughed so hard like i told the most funniest joke ever.... her daughter came in she is still laughing n said ' can you believe they are getting married' while wiping away tears from her eyes she laughed so hard. So I decided not to mention the bm part. She later started telling me what I should do for colours, who the bms should be, that the best man wears something different to the groomsmen. Etc. It was getting out of hand and everytime I mentioned we had decided what we are doing already is was wrong .... until she decided to make a competition with my unaware mother 'she better wear a dress or ill look better then her. Maybe even you' so I cut her out of my social group, my partner still thinks she was just helping. He needs the fog to clear.
I ask my best friend who I have known since 2017 and who was still there for me through the hard time of my son passing and still is to this day. Kel(43f) to be my MOH. My two sisters Petal n Kay(28f on father's side) as bridesmaids. As iTs tHe rIgHt tHiNg to do 🤦🏼♀️ at first I thought petal would flake first. If it's not her way she'll make some sort of version (even if it's LIES) that you did her wrong. I picked the dresses they were more then happy to pay for them. $160 ish each(aus). Well Kay went Mia for a few weeks. Then in January this year asked me if the place accepted afterpay. I said I know they accept Kalana or what ever its called. N then she was busting her arse for me to check.... she had the website I asked if she had her flights and accommodation prebooked. Nothing. As I was going to offer to pay for the dress if she was struggling. So I offered for her to come as a guest. 2 weeks NOT A SINGLE WORD. Not answering my calls or texts that wasn't even about the wedding. Its now Feb. I ask my cousin to be a back BM she was more then happy n as I was on the phone to her Kay said ' im getting a job so it'll be all sorted' now Kay is a sister who will take advantage for other people's hand outs. Where we are the closer to august you leave it your looking at 1600 n back minimum. N the week we are getting married not only with it be tourist session but race day also ( we forgot about race day 😅) After explaining this to her she decided with many more weeks in between she'll not come to the wedding at all.
So then it was my BF, petal and cousin.
Two weeks ago I got asked by my fathers (he is a dead beat) sister if he was invited. Long story short, I'm the child he never wanted. He never met my son at all while he was alive and loves to cause drama when it's not about him. He was a junkie when I first met him. So I politely said sorry no he is not and sorry for putting you in this position.
Just up until last week petal flaked. Family drama was happening and I pulled her up on her lies she had put in a group chat. She hadn't spoken to me since May. She would read the wedding chat but not respond. And I found out she had me on mute. Laste week I messaged her on the group chat, our private chat and text her can you aleast let me know whats going on. She came back with ' im not coming nor will I be in your wedding' I thanked her for letting me know. Went in the group chat for the wedding n she had already removed herself. N I blocked her shortly after my mum called. Mum had asked if I had heard from Petal. I told her what happened. Well, mum Being a mum was like 'ill get to the bottom of this' She asked why are you not part of the wedding anymore. My sister turned n said its not of your business. N then said I blocked her from the chat a while ago and I have not once messaged her n I'm mean. Mum caught her out n said she seen her lil picture keep up with the messaged just today etc. N she just banged on how no one understands her. So I blocked her.
I have now asked for my partners Sister to be a bm and she's more then happy to and I paid for her dress straight away so it should arrive to her before she is due to come up.
I found out in April my son will finally be a older brother like he always wanted. This is a miracle baby as I've had a few health problems with my uterus. To the point doctors said I might not even be able to do IVF. My partner n I are over the moon. I am in a a place where I'm happy and upset because my son is not here to witness what he always wanted. We have only told those that have been supportive, mu mum Dale and joey and my Sil.
All the stress of just my family has taken its toll. We have already paid majority of the wedding off and can't elope. I've lost all happiness for our day. I'm scared my father will rock up (he is spiteful like that) n im just deflated. With the add stress of being now 12weeks pregnant and still worried I could lose it at any point.
I have gotten all their jewellery, personalised pjs since Kay was involved. Personalised gifts and im paying for their hair and make up.
Kel my Moh is ready to go on a witch hunt. She's pissed that I have let it all go on for so long. So I'm trying to see if I am in the right or if I am in the wrong.
Am I being the Arsehole ? Bridezilla? Just feels no matter what happens in my life it's not good enough. If anything needs clearing up please let me know. Sorry for the long post. Thankyou in advance And if anyone has any advice ? Thankyou
2024.05.29 05:26 Realistic_Many_950 Going on 10 years with the stalker
So this is my story , I honestly need advice and for someone to understand me. Here goes nothing ! Back in 2013 I was in a relationship with a guy (Jake ) & he had a child’s mother ( Layla ) . At first I was cordial with Layla because Jake lived with me. However Jake turned out to be a HUGE whore. Well more of a bum . So a bummy whore. Layla wanted her family with him which I understood however he was my boyfriend. She would use the baby to get him to be with her while I was at work. Layla would purposefully post like they were in a relationship knowing that he lived with me . I would attempt to break up with him , he would just beg and tell me lies. I was 20 and stupid. I stayed until one day I was fed up of the back and forth and explained to Jake I was done with the back and forth between Layla & I. At that moment he put a play in action to get me pregnant. He succeeded. I was completely mortified at the fact I was now stuck with this situation. When I posted my pregnancy my car window was busted out . This is where the stalking started. I noticed every hair style I wore she would copy & the outfits , my poses for pictures. Even vacations I took with my kids . I found messages between Layla & Jake . She asked him “what is it about Sophie? That you won’t leave her alone.” My mind was blown that’s not normal for me . After I left Jake for good it didn’t matter . Layla & her friends would watch all of my social media platforms. They constantly bullied me online . Called my phone and told me they hoped my baby would be mentally challenged. Layla had her brother shoot at my new car. She told people she would come to the hospital and punch me off of the hospital bed after I gave birth. The whole time this is taking place . She’s filing restraining orders on me lying to the police trying to have me put in jail. I moved 45 minutes away to get some peace. However that didn’t last they couldn’t physically drive past my house but used social media to harass me. Any guy I was seen with Layla tried to date or even sleep with. I started dating another guy and thought I was free aside from the shade being thrown on the internet. Well that didn’t last for long because once the new guy Rick’s ex Patty caught wind they became a task force bullying me everyday. I had moved back to my town however no one knew where. One day I got fed up and beat Patty up & took her phone 🫣. What I found inside was messages talking about me , pictures of me & my house. Talking about my children and trying to get me fired from my job . Layla was telling Patty my phone number . They said they were going to bully me until I unalived myself. I broke it off with Rick after the gang came to my house and busted my windows out !
I moved on & got pregnant. I thought it was over until one day I realized it wasn’t. Layla at this point spent 6 years studying my online persona. She would tell anyone she meets I’m obsessed with her while she talked , dressed & acted like me. I gained so much weight that I got a butt she went and bought one. Layla moved 10 blocks away from me & then proceeded to move her business 5 minutes away from my house . I started seeing her a the local stores & she would pull up to the pump next to me & sit in her car watching me. After doing this 7 times & reaching out to my mother who I have no relationship with . I was served with a restraining order. I went to court & she admitted in open court that in the last year i did none of the things she stated in the paperwork which got me served in the first place . The cases was dismissed. This happened in 2023 . In 2024 , 7 months later she text me asking to meet up to talk . I did thinking finally she is ready to be an adult & let this shit go ! I was WRONG AF ! She told me I was obsessed with her and I’m crazy ! She said you think about me so much your business wouldn’t be failing if you stopped caring about me . Layla then stated she doesn’t think Is “Sophie wearing panties or a bra.” She brought up my kids and how I’m struggling. Said that she wants to know what wrong with me & “are you in a competition with me”. Brought up my daughter who she’s never seen or met in real life. She knew me & my daughter’s dad wasn’t together.
I don’t want to keep going because it’s way more ! I am scared because how long does it take for someone to move on ! Advice please!!!
submitted by Realistic_Many_950 to Stalking [link] [comments]
I moved on & got pregnant. I thought it was over until one day I realized it wasn’t. Layla at this point spent 6 years studying my online persona. She would tell anyone she meets I’m obsessed with her while she talked , dressed & acted like me. I gained so much weight that I got a butt she went and bought one. Layla moved 10 blocks away from me & then proceeded to move her business 5 minutes away from my house . I started seeing her a the local stores & she would pull up to the pump next to me & sit in her car watching me. After doing this 7 times & reaching out to my mother who I have no relationship with . I was served with a restraining order. I went to court & she admitted in open court that in the last year i did none of the things she stated in the paperwork which got me served in the first place . The cases was dismissed. This happened in 2023 . In 2024 , 7 months later she text me asking to meet up to talk . I did thinking finally she is ready to be an adult & let this shit go ! I was WRONG AF ! She told me I was obsessed with her and I’m crazy ! She said you think about me so much your business wouldn’t be failing if you stopped caring about me . Layla then stated she doesn’t think Is “Sophie wearing panties or a bra.” She brought up my kids and how I’m struggling. Said that she wants to know what wrong with me & “are you in a competition with me”. Brought up my daughter who she’s never seen or met in real life. She knew me & my daughter’s dad wasn’t together.
I don’t want to keep going because it’s way more ! I am scared because how long does it take for someone to move on ! Advice please!!!
2024.05.29 05:26 nightmare_purp The intruder
Creakkk! I looked up and saw my daughter descending the stairs, her face dropped when she realized how loud the floor boards were below her feet. She’s holding up her shirt up using it to hold all her most valuable goods. I hear a door up stairs slam shut. She runs down the stairs clearly terrified of the man upstairs, she doesn’t care how loud her feet are anymore.
We hide inside a closet and make sure we have everything we need, phones, expensive jewelry, the extremely valuable pure breed dog my daughter is obsessed with, and most importantly the car keys.
From outside the door I hear the man trudging around aggressively, I peak out the keyhole and see what he’s holding, a large shotgun ready and loaded. I hold my daughter’s head to my chest, oh what would I do if this crazy man hurt my daughter. She’s only six, she doesn’t deserve this. It’s my fault she is in this position but I try to convince myself it isn’t.
I hear the man round the corner and we make a break for it, straight out the back door around the side of the house and to the car. We get in and start it up, zooming away in the brand new Mercedes. I am so glad to get away from the scary man. Just as I think we are free of him and start deciding where we should go from here. I hear the sound… the loud alarms trailing around the corner of a nearby street. I try to turn the car around and find a new escape route but it’s too late… red and blue lights surround my vision. How is it that I got caught? What will they do with my daughter? It’s not fair that he can own things like this car and she hasn’t eaten all day. How am I the one breaking the law?
submitted by nightmare_purp to Creepystory [link] [comments]
We hide inside a closet and make sure we have everything we need, phones, expensive jewelry, the extremely valuable pure breed dog my daughter is obsessed with, and most importantly the car keys.
From outside the door I hear the man trudging around aggressively, I peak out the keyhole and see what he’s holding, a large shotgun ready and loaded. I hold my daughter’s head to my chest, oh what would I do if this crazy man hurt my daughter. She’s only six, she doesn’t deserve this. It’s my fault she is in this position but I try to convince myself it isn’t.
I hear the man round the corner and we make a break for it, straight out the back door around the side of the house and to the car. We get in and start it up, zooming away in the brand new Mercedes. I am so glad to get away from the scary man. Just as I think we are free of him and start deciding where we should go from here. I hear the sound… the loud alarms trailing around the corner of a nearby street. I try to turn the car around and find a new escape route but it’s too late… red and blue lights surround my vision. How is it that I got caught? What will they do with my daughter? It’s not fair that he can own things like this car and she hasn’t eaten all day. How am I the one breaking the law?
2024.05.29 05:26 nightmare_purp The intruder
Creakkk! I looked up and saw my daughter descending the stairs, her face dropped when she realized how loud the floor boards were below her feet. She’s holding up her shirt up using it to hold all her most valuable goods. I hear a door up stairs slam shut. She runs down the stairs clearly terrified of the man upstairs, she doesn’t care how loud her feet are anymore.
We hide inside a closet and make sure we have everything we need, phones, expensive jewelry, the extremely valuable pure breed dog my daughter is obsessed with, and most importantly the car keys.
From outside the door I hear the man trudging around aggressively, I peak out the keyhole and see what he’s holding, a large shotgun ready and loaded. I hold my daughter’s head to my chest, oh what would I do if this crazy man hurt my daughter. She’s only six, she doesn’t deserve this. It’s my fault she is in this position but I try to convince myself it isn’t.
I hear the man round the corner and we make a break for it, straight out the back door around the side of the house and to the car. We get in and start it up, zooming away in the brand new Mercedes. I am so glad to get away from the scary man. Just as I think we are free of him and start deciding where we should go from here. I hear the sound… the loud alarms trailing around the corner of a nearby street. I try to turn the car around and find a new escape route but it’s too late… red and blue lights surround my vision. How is it that I got caught? What will they do with my daughter? It’s not fair that he can own things like this car and she hasn’t eaten all day. How am I the one breaking the law?
submitted by nightmare_purp to shortscarystories [link] [comments]
We hide inside a closet and make sure we have everything we need, phones, expensive jewelry, the extremely valuable pure breed dog my daughter is obsessed with, and most importantly the car keys.
From outside the door I hear the man trudging around aggressively, I peak out the keyhole and see what he’s holding, a large shotgun ready and loaded. I hold my daughter’s head to my chest, oh what would I do if this crazy man hurt my daughter. She’s only six, she doesn’t deserve this. It’s my fault she is in this position but I try to convince myself it isn’t.
I hear the man round the corner and we make a break for it, straight out the back door around the side of the house and to the car. We get in and start it up, zooming away in the brand new Mercedes. I am so glad to get away from the scary man. Just as I think we are free of him and start deciding where we should go from here. I hear the sound… the loud alarms trailing around the corner of a nearby street. I try to turn the car around and find a new escape route but it’s too late… red and blue lights surround my vision. How is it that I got caught? What will they do with my daughter? It’s not fair that he can own things like this car and she hasn’t eaten all day. How am I the one breaking the law?
2024.05.29 05:26 nightmare_purp The intruder
Creakkk! I looked up and saw my daughter descending the stairs, her face dropped when she realized how loud the floor boards were below her feet. She’s holding up her shirt up using it to hold all her most valuable goods. I hear a door up stairs slam shut. She runs down the stairs clearly terrified of the man upstairs, she doesn’t care how loud her feet are anymore.
We hide inside a closet and make sure we have everything we need, phones, expensive jewelry, the extremely valuable pure breed dog my daughter is obsessed with, and most importantly the car keys.
From outside the door I hear the man trudging around aggressively, I peak out the keyhole and see what he’s holding, a large shotgun ready and loaded. I hold my daughter’s head to my chest, oh what would I do if this crazy man hurt my daughter. She’s only six, she doesn’t deserve this. It’s my fault she is in this position but I try to convince myself it isn’t.
I hear the man round the corner and we make a break for it, straight out the back door around the side of the house and to the car. We get in and start it up, zooming away in the brand new Mercedes. I am so glad to get away from the scary man. Just as I think we are free of him and start deciding where we should go from here. I hear the sound… the loud alarms trailing around the corner of a nearby street. I try to turn the car around and find a new escape route but it’s too late… red and blue lights surround my vision. How is it that I got caught? What will they do with my daughter? It’s not fair that he can own things like this car and she hasn’t eaten all day. How am I the one breaking the law?
submitted by nightmare_purp to scarystories [link] [comments]
We hide inside a closet and make sure we have everything we need, phones, expensive jewelry, the extremely valuable pure breed dog my daughter is obsessed with, and most importantly the car keys.
From outside the door I hear the man trudging around aggressively, I peak out the keyhole and see what he’s holding, a large shotgun ready and loaded. I hold my daughter’s head to my chest, oh what would I do if this crazy man hurt my daughter. She’s only six, she doesn’t deserve this. It’s my fault she is in this position but I try to convince myself it isn’t.
I hear the man round the corner and we make a break for it, straight out the back door around the side of the house and to the car. We get in and start it up, zooming away in the brand new Mercedes. I am so glad to get away from the scary man. Just as I think we are free of him and start deciding where we should go from here. I hear the sound… the loud alarms trailing around the corner of a nearby street. I try to turn the car around and find a new escape route but it’s too late… red and blue lights surround my vision. How is it that I got caught? What will they do with my daughter? It’s not fair that he can own things like this car and she hasn’t eaten all day. How am I the one breaking the law?
2024.05.29 05:25 ZanaZamora KLR story time! This is lengthy war story so TLDR months ago I posted having found something in oil screen, soon after engine blew , I replaced the motor and have just now opened the old one and have confirmed that it was a piston circlip from previous owners big bore kit
 | As title says, This isnt a cautionary tale so much as a war story for the sake of it and to add to the wealth of knowledge on these bikes a story of… a curious thing that happened. XD That’s to say this isn’t a thing many will ever encounter, nor something one should ever worry about, but something that might make you say “hmm… neat” 😂 submitted by ZanaZamora to klr650 [link] [comments] That being said this is a story of how I killed the unkillable, or I guess at least gave a KLR a heart transplant after complete cardiac arrest. The interesting journey of what happened, but I do not truly know how. So maybe some more seasoned KLR surgeons can offer additional insight into the how. I had considered breaking this up into the story and just the mechanical aspects for those not interested in the story, but the motivation here is the story and so that’s the read, enjoy 😀 About 8 months ago I bought a ‘09 KLR as my first bike. I’m an over the road truck driver and have always dreamed of putting a motorcycle on my rig, and decided at a fork in my life that it was time. It had 28k miles on it, amazing shape, very few mods, all ones that I considered valuable as I would have done them myself. Crash bars, metal skid plate, panniers with very nice Givi cases, Sargent seat, etc. The curious bit was a big bore up to 683. I did not ask what mileage it had been bored at or if it was done for maintenance reasons or just performance. In retrospect I would have asked these questions but that’s out of curiosity not because I believe to any degree the seller was misleading me. I do not believe they had any idea the events that followed would conspire and I accept them as just bad luck. What did follow is in the first 3 weeks I put nearly 900 miles on it and had only encountered a single issue which was the clutch slipping too easily under heavy acceleration. As one does with a KLR I had already ordered and done a slew of other personalization so I added new clutch plates and heavier springs to the list. Job went smoothly, the old clutch plates were worn but not to any degree that alone would warrant the slipping so the weak springs were the culprit as my research had strongly suggested. But new “performance” clutch plates sounded fun so I installed them as well 😀 This is where things get interesting. As some may know, on the right side of the engine there is an oil screen, a fine metal mesh that acts as a filter to catch larger particles. Definitely something to clean if you’re ever in there, as it’ll tend to have any gasket material and other manufacturing run off in it that over time could choke oil flow. In mine I found the expected gasket gunk, suggesting it had not been cleaned since birth but frighteningly I also found 2 mysterious metal pieces that appeared to be the greater part of a metal ring. Reference the 1st photo. They had been chewed up slightly suggesting they made their way through the engine less than smoothly but not catastrophically obviously as the motor ran fine with no signs of any problems. I spent the better part of the day digging through any and every resource I could find for an answer on what this ring could be and the further I dug the more and more confident I grew in my initial suspicions that it was a piston circlip… but this just didn’t make sense, how did it get there? How was it not more destroyed? How was the engine still running with zero indication of damage? The sun was setting and I had to be on the road in the morning so after weighing all the possibilities I decided to button it back up, hope for the best, and tell myself if it was fine before it’s fine now. As the alternative was tearing apart the engine which meant going back out on the road with no bike, and no idea where to even start weeks later when I returned. Of the many theories the one I convinced myself of was that this was indeed a piston circlip but not one from the current piston but from the original one. That the mechanic that had done the big bore had either snapped it when removing the original piston and it fell down in the engine to never be fished out, or maybe it had been the reason for the bore. 2 days later I get it out for the first time since the quick 5 mile test ride after putting it back together and my theory is proven wrong, violently. About 80 miles later I was enjoying the bite of the new clutch, accelerating hard through 50mph and bam instantly the rear wheel locks up. At this point I had just under 1000 miles under my belt on two wheels, no MSF completely self taught…. Holy shiet that was a bad thing nearly gone horrible. I don’t know how I had the muscle memory at that point to instinctively grab the clutch but I did fractions of a second before I went down, hard. As I coasted to a stop on what little shoulder there was my thoughts were “holyshitholyshitholyshitholyshit….Ohhhhhhhhh it was a piston circlip” before I even stopped 😂😂😂 Sure enough I look back to a trail of oil behind me, dismount and out of the front of the block I see a very displeased connnecting rod peeking out. Well, there’s your problem. I took a gamble and initially I was feeling like I had lost, but after not getting taken out with the engine, I was pretty okay with the situation. I rolled the bike into a church parking lot a couple blocks down the road and helplessly called for ride after ride on Uber to no avail. I was states away from anyone I knew and too far from any civilization to find luck with any ride share or cab service. As it started to get dark the 6 mile hike back to my truck in Mx Boots was not a great outlook but I was out of options. Just as I had buttoned up what I could on the bike getting ready to start walking I noticed an older couple sit down on their porch enjoying what was, to anyone else, admittedly a very pleasant evening. I’m shy as hell and absolutely terrified of being imposing, especially when it’s a true need… but these boots were brand new, zero flex, damn near knee high… just from standing there I was on the fence of what would be worse, boots or socks. So I mustered up the will power to make my way to their front yard and explain that my motorcycle had broken down and that I had no way to get back to my truck to come back and get it, if they’d be willing to give me a ride I’d happily pay for the trouble. They happily obliged and were the nicest folks you could have met, asked me about my travels and wished me luck in getting it back together, wouldn’t even accept my money. They drop me off, I get my rig back over there and load up the bike. They waved me off from their porch and that was that. I know that bit doesn’t pertain to the mechanical endeavor but I wanted to share it as well as an appreciation of just how much generosity can change the outlook in things. I had bought this bike at a critical moment in my life, during a separation, unsure what direction I was going, and it by all means was my coping mechanism. Sitting there stranded, the adrenaline started to wear off and the dread and hopelessness started to develop… the 6 mile walk back, nothing by my thoughts torturing myself for the dumb decisions I made would have left me feeling defeated and lost. But instead I got to share a tiny bit of my story, that it was still chaos but I was… proud of myself for chasing after my dreams not letting it consume me. And it was because of that moment of pride that I had the fuel to tuck tail and accept my circumstance, that I had indeed known this was a possibility and that it was not the end of my journey, just a different path. I believe without that I would have easily accepted the loss and dropped the bike off at home to gather dust and that would have been the end of my motorcycling experience. But I was determined. So I spent every minute of free time I had researching what I needed to rebuild it, what it’d cost, how hard it’d be, and if it was even something I could do over the road. As I added things up it was indeed doable but it’d leave the bike out of commission at best for well over a month… and I had a fire under me to get back on it… so I started digging through marketplace, eBay, Craigslist, etc searching for doner bikes or full engines. Scrounging up every penny I had, I booked a load and made my way all the way to Kansas City where I had found a salvager with a 2009 with just 1300 miles on it that was willing to take $1300 for the whole engine if I’d help him pull it. My determination was unwavering. I showed up at his house as early as I could after my delivery, about noon. My semi truck left on the street where it clearly did not belong 😂 It was a two lane and the right lane was conveniently closed, so I moved some cones and it worked out perfectly but was still a funny sight. He gathered bikes from auctions and had them scattered around his yard, and so while he gathered some stuff he pointed me to two other KLRs to see if there was anything I wanted from them. Ended up pulling a full yoshimura exhaust from one that he tossed in for cheap. Before I had gotten there he had already stripped the most of the bike with the doner engine down so it took us a little under an hour to pull it. Yet another really positive experience that I’ll never forget, really nice older guy who genuinely enjoyed wrenching on the bike with me, not just trying to get it done and get paid. Offered me any small bits like the rubber tank picks that would easily get lost for no charge. And even gave me an old Milwaukee battery charger he had laying around as I had lost my charger at some point and my last battery died while we were working on it. We had it out by 2pm and I heaved the enormous hunk of steel into my chest high passenger floor board of my semi truck to be on my way. And by on my way I mean 7 miles away to a Walmart parking lot where I then unloaded my bike and started the transplant. I gathered my tools while waiting for a Milwaukee battery to charge, caught my breath, and started the operation around 3pm. I was definitely a bit of a spectacle. Not everyday you see someone doing an engine swap in a Walmart parking lot. The semi truck parked alongside definitely added a layer that invoked enough curiosity for people to inquire about what they were looking at as they passed by. I enjoyed the conversation and that sense of pride grew ever stronger as I worked through it. Early on in the process another rider had briefly stopped by and asked if I needed help, I declined understanding he was inquiring if it was an emergency not if I needed a wrenching buddy haha. Over the course of the next 4 hours he passed by another 2 times, giving a nod of approval at my progress. I was fired up. So excited to get it all done, feeling like I’d be too tired to do anything else but driven just to know it was ready to ride whenever I was. All and all it took about 5 hours to get done, a few stuck bolts there, a few how the hell does this come out there, and a good bit of how does one finagle this thing back in here by themselves(ps lay it on its side right side and just set the engine down into the frame, stand up and then align it) and it was done. I had done some mechanical work on cars and what not in the past but honestly changing the clutch on the previous motor was the most invasive thing I had done prior to this. But my confidence was in the clouds, and rightfully so, because while it took some convincing with the starter this stagnant motor awoke with not a cough or a sputter, but with an immediate healthy growl! My excitement was immeasurable and my little KLR, now much more aggressively singing through the Yoshimura exhaust, seemed just as excited as me. The sun had set, I was exhausted and against my recommendation they had already booked me a load picking up early the next morning. But I couldn’t not sing through the streets with joy, so a quick ride I told myself…. I was gone for hours, returning well past midnight. Ripping around Kansas City, sobbing with joy, with what felt like the loudest exhaust I’d ever heard 😂😂😂 A true menace, she was alive and god damnit I was too. Exhaustion catching up with me I loaded my precious back on to the truck and realized I still had an entire engine to deal with. So I opened one of my side bins, at chest height just as the floor board was earlier in the day loading the new engine. If I didn’t look like a maniac riding around I certainly did trying to get that motor up and into the truck 😂 I was too happy to be upset or anything but it was just about all I could muster to get it up to that height after the day I had had. 2am and I’m screaming, crying, and laughing simultaneously as I blew out every single part of my body trying to get this absolute brick of an engine into the side bin. While I know at that point I was significantly more worn out I still find it very funny that my sheer will power made that new engine effortless to lift into the truck, but the old one was an inch shy of being impossible 😂 Over 7000 miles later and that new motor is still singing happily ❤️ So… the old motor… it rode around in my side bin for 7 months till last week I was at home and finally had the free time to unload it and crack it open. Motivated by the interest of pulling the new clutch plates and springs I had put in it that’d only have about 80 miles on them, and the curiosity of figuring out if the seemingly obvious cause for its demise was indeed due to the piston circlip… breaking? This is where any KLR surgeons may be able to chime in, if they made it this far xD Because I pulled the motor down to just about as many pieces as one could so I could take the bits that may be useful to have on the road with me and have the less likely to fail ones ready to go if I needed them at home, and all of the evidence seems to suggest that one of the circlips did indeed get ingested. The piston is definitely missing one of the circlips, and… the entire part that would house it lol. The broken pieces found in the oil screen visually match the remaining circlip, and I never found any parts of the circlip if those pieces in the oil screen were not it. So… I have full confidence the circlip did indeed end up in the oil screen. The fact that I found it was complete coincidence and had I not changed the clutch out it likely would have failed just as it did, meaning that circlip could have been there for… lord knows how long… which raises the questions, how did that happen? How long could it have feasibly been there? And was this just a ticking time bomb bound to happen without warning at any time or did maybe the stress of a more aggressive clutch bite upset it? And also just… how does this happen in the first place? Improper install or weak components? I know the kit they used is from Schnitz Racing and I was told 683 but I’ve never seen a 683 kit, only 685 so I would assume maybe that, regardless not cheap parts so, just a curiosity. Final notes, the new engine with 27k less miles absolutely feels more powerful than the bored out one did, that’s seat of the pants and inexperienced rider mixed with intense emotions but I still to this day think it’s more peppy. Have not installed the new clutch on the new motor yet but I’m curious as hell as I don’t think I had enough experience to really appreciate the difference for the 80 miles I got to use it lol. Oh and as a trinket to remember this entire experience and to show my KLR is on its second heart I polished up the blown piston and hung it on the tail ❤️ Thank you for coming to my TED talk, stay safe out there! |
2024.05.29 05:22 Rightfoot28 Looking for a radio
I'm looking for an analog to a car radio transmitter...something that's cheap, bluetooth compatible, short range and battery powered....but that can transmit outside the normal citizens bands of 88.0 - 107.9. I don't really know how to go about finding something like that. All my searches just turn up the normal car stuff. I know you typically need a license to operate on a lot of these other frequencies, but I'm trying to get something that's a short enough range that no one outside my immediate vicinity can pick it up. I'm also not located in the U.S.
The application I need this for is a specific aviation radio I'm stuck with that won't let me program in the citizen freqs, but I still want to put on some music while I fly, and I'm not able to make any mods to the aircraft or plug devices directly into it. Any help would be appreciated
submitted by Rightfoot28 to AskElectronics [link] [comments]
The application I need this for is a specific aviation radio I'm stuck with that won't let me program in the citizen freqs, but I still want to put on some music while I fly, and I'm not able to make any mods to the aircraft or plug devices directly into it. Any help would be appreciated
2024.05.29 05:22 syscorpdev It's Time Riders Understand What Drivers Experience - If You Really Want To Know
I've been a driver since 2017 and have provided over 7000 completed trips but I'm always amazed at how little riders know about what drivers do. For instance:
It is OUR car that you ride in - not Uber's and it is our livelihood that we are protecting when we set rules for our riders. Some of my rules are:
Want to know more - just ask - it's better not to assume.
submitted by syscorpdev to uber [link] [comments]
- Drivers NEVER determine what you pay for your ride - UBER has complete control over pricing
- It's NEVER acceptable behavior to get sick or make a mess in an Uber - we don't care how much you've had to drink or what the reason is - if you're feeling like you might throw up then don't schedule a ride until after you barf your guts up.
- Don't blame your driver when you leave something like your phone in their car. It costs us time and money to return your things and we are not your parents. Besides - Uber pays us a $20 fee every time we return your lost items
- When you schedule a ride - you are not guaranteed unlimited access to our vehicles. DON'T open the trunk without asking and DON'T bring your kids without the appropriate car seats. EVER!
- We are NOT moving vans and we are not going to help you vacate your apartment. That's what Uber Connect / Delivery / Freight is for.
- Do NOT be upset when we wait for you for five minutes and cancel when you DON'T show up - we are only required to wait two minutes (the next three are at OUR discretion - not yours).
- We get paid for minutes and mileage - those are the things that make us money.
- Honest drivers DO NOT file false claims for cleaning fees - we would much rather not have to clean our cars after you and we do not want the reputation that comes with being branded a "scammer"
- It's our job to get you home safely - Uber provides a recommended route we drive but you can suggest taking an alternate route. But remember - it's OUR job and responsibility to drive - ultimately we as drivers get to determine when and where to turn unless it becomes obvious we are not going in the right direction or getting you to your destination.
- Please don't assume your driver is paid a majority of what Uber has charged you as this is NEVER the case and in most instances it is less than 50% of the total fee.
It is OUR car that you ride in - not Uber's and it is our livelihood that we are protecting when we set rules for our riders. Some of my rules are:
- No weapons of any kind in my vehicle - period. If you are law enforcement just tell me you are a LEO. No other discussion is needed.
- No smoking or vaping of any kind at any time inside the vehicle
- No drinking alcoholic beverages inside the vehicle because it violates open container laws
- No fighting or abuse of passengers (i.e: no domestic violence, bro fights or abuse of the driver)
- No racial profiling or discussion of sensitive subjects
- I control the stereo and the phone chargers - ask first
- Bring your own car seats - it's the law. (Enough said)
Want to know more - just ask - it's better not to assume.