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Hi dear people. My younger brother (Sam) verbally attacked me so that all his words linger. He also connected this to the loss of my cat. So it is lingering even more. Do you have advice?
He was inconsiderate when I lost my cat in january after very difficult week at the vets. And the cats death was even more difficult because putting him to sleep did not go well. Understatement. I needed to go to a hospital after the cat died because I got panick attack that felt like heart attack at the time.
My brother knew this and two days after my cat died he calls me. First telling he was sorry my cat died, I was surprised because Im not use to that kind of support from him recently (after i decided to distance myself from our other brother (Mike), and Sam feels Im a bad person because of that).
But then he asks me to babysit his mother in law’s cat, a senior, sick cat that needs alot of looking after. I kind of got numb and felt the panick attack symtoms coming a bit again. I get very panicked in my body and call my parents that are babysitting their children and ask if they cant jump next door regularly and feed the cat. They say that they thought that was the plan. I text Sam and tell him i cant and tell him my parents dont have no problem doing it.
I get another panick attack at home and I then fall asleep and wake up in the night. And send him a voicemessage. Im upset because I feel he has no concerns for my feelings, and tell him it felt like if someone lost a baby and they were asked to babysit. I also bring up that he has been acting like he doesnt care at all, and been acting very cold towards me. The message is not accusing him. It is more vulnerable and in a hurt tone. I say that I dont feel he wants to hurt me, but feels like he doesnt care about my feelings and that hurts. He has been pulling stuff before that I related to that. Like saying in a family gathering that mold allergy is just bullshit, when he knows I lost all my furnature and health for some time because of mold. Feels like he has been trying to hurt me like that after I decided to distance myself from Mike that I have good reasons for. I do talk to Mike and have been nice when we meet, but I told Sam that I would take a distance from Mike with out him realizing it too much. Sam got furious and about him being the only one to know it, because they are best friends. I told him that nothing will change because Mike doesnt have so much interest in me anyway, and that I told him so he would understand when i didnt come to family gatherings. But I do feel Sam has told everybody, but anyway. I am super connected to his kids and have babysat them so many times. But after this ther were not meetings and no babysitting. Ihave been asking for well over a year what is the matter and if we can fix things. If he tells me what is wrong so I can fix it. But he just says everything is fine.
Then january comes with this call after the cat dies. And my voice message that he answers very dimissively and saying that comparing my cat to a child is absurd. He answers that we can talk about this when Im better ( in my mother tongue he says it with a wording like Im mentally ill but not just griefing and in trauma)
Time passes that Im just in my life trying to get better. Maybe one or two months. Then I call his wife and just ask her if something is the matter, I havent seen them or the kids for more than a year even though i often invite them. I tell her Im always asking my brother and if I can make it better and he just always dismisses it and saying everything is fine. She gets agitated and very deffensive. I make sure to keep calm. She blurts out alot of things, Im just happy to get answers so I let her rant thinking it will be healing for the relationship. I dont understand the amount of anger or the reason for that, the reason that are given for cutting the ties are very small, some text message I sent with hearts. But I dont tell her that. I just recieve the anger in the hope it will heal the relationship. And hope the real reason will come forward. But she is screaming, saying i was a dramaqueen after my cat died and that hurt my brother. This anger and blameshift relating it to my cat horrible death is what is one of the things still lingering.
Then I talk to my brother. Tell him his wife told me. He is super agressive and angry. I suggest if he would want us to meet with a third party, a therapist, to heal our relationship. He doesnt want to talk about that. Screams at me for being so emotionaland sensitive. I just say that that is how I am and that I hadjust lost my cat. He was the one calling me and being insensitive. I didnt even reach out to him for help and support. But the only thing that comes from him is namecalling, and what he said still lingers with me. Rationally I can say that what he said is not true and is soemthing I have never been told. But it lingers in my mind anyway. I was just loving and calm, because I wanted him to get the chance to rant if it would heal us. So I feel it hurt me even more because I was letting myself be vulnerable for them to see that it was a safe talk. I kind of just let them beat me with words. But answering though when I thought they were not being fair or right.
I told them. Its been more than a year of no contact. I have been asking and asking and no answers. That I was glad i got some answers finally. But I told them that if there is still no contact in september it will be inevitable for me thinking that the connection is over, that I have to let them all go, the kids as well.
They felt this was manipulative. But I told them it was not an ultimatum. Not me saying that there would be no contact from me. I would talk when meeting, be nice and civil. Just that the uncertainty for my heart was destoying me, their constant silence. And the kids I am so close to. And just that in september I will have to tell y heart to let go and start to heal and accept. That this is the time I will let my heart wait. This was in the beginning of april.
He said he would not be manipulated. He got super angry and agressive. Called me the worst things possible. Trying to hurt me. Then said that this was convincing him to cut all contact with me. I was not allowed to contact him or the kids. This call, the words and cutting me out is what lingers with me i my head. I think maybe because it is being a trauma.
2 weeks later my parents contact me. Tell me Sam has a brain tumor. I contact Sam. Tell him these news make it to hard for me not to say anything. I tell him I understand that I am not the person he needs around him at this difficult time. But that I love him, send him good vibes and that if they need any help I am there.
His wife opens a chat with her, our parents and all of us siblings. She updates us there. The surgery went good and now he is recovering. But then came the children birthdays and I was not invited. And I have been respecting his boundary to not contact.
I told them that I would keep what i said about september no matter what was said in that talk, if he changes his mind. But he is crazy stubborn and never apoligizes. So maybe this is it. I have lost him and the contact with his boys.
Do you have advices, insight because of your own stories, or some reflection of this? I accept if he wants to break contact. I am distancing from a big part of my family anyway. But I just need help healing from this because it is lingering so much and giving me depression episodes of feeling numb. Maybe its just because this is some kind of trauma. The loss and what I feel it being verbal abuse.

This is a crossover fanfiction between original fiction titles: Nature of Predators by SpacePaladin15 and The Last Angel by Proximal Flame respectively. All credit and rights reserved goes to them for making such amazing science fiction settings that I wanted to put this together.
You can read The Last Angel here: Be warned, it's decently long, and at its third installment so far. I highly suggest reading it before reading this, or this story will not make sense.

Otherwise, enjoy the story! Thanks again to u/jesterra54 and u/skais01 for beta and checking of work!
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Memory transcription subject: Adjek, Venlil Space Corps Engineer
Date [standardized human time]: October 24, 2136
I had departed with a collection of other engineers who had assisted on the tethering of Nemesis several days ago back to her massive ship. There were twenty-five of us, although none I knew directly from my work.
As our cargo shuttle entered the direct monitoring range of the beast once more, I felt a bad feeling throughout my fur. I didn't know what, exactly, but it was like we had just stepped into the eyes of a predator lurking in the undergrowth, watching us intently. As if to capitalize on that unease, our pilot Mimek bleated something in a panic that made said fur stand straight.
"T-th-th-there's an Arxur vessel trailing us!"
I whirled onto the oncoming feed near the front of the shuttle. Behind us, was a Arxur Ambusher-class dropship that had taken a path directly behind us. It followed the exact same trajectory as our own, and showed no signs of diverting. I bleated out a panicked command of my own.
"K-kick it! W-we need to get distance from them!"
While I had no authority to tell the pilot what to do in this situation, he must've nevertheless agreed, and as such Mimek kicked the boosters into overdrive to escape their proximity. I kept an eye on the rear display, watching as in response, the Arxur craft opened up its own engines, as if to accept the chase, and closed in.
Mimek spoke again. "Why are they chasing us?! D-didn't the humans forbid them from attacking us in-system?!" I had a horrible thought as to why...
"They've fallen to their p-predator bloodlust! They won't be stopped so long as we're in vulnerable space! Close to Nemesis, fast!" I pointed at the guidance lights to the hangar on Nemesis' keel opening. While the Arxur could likely outrun us in an extended burn, we had the advantage in a sprint over a shorter distance. Nemesis was in that shorter distance range, and so we needed to reach it fast to be in its haven.
Mimek, already piloting at full afterburn, corrected the shop in a sharp turn from the plotted approach vector cleared with the Lunar Shipyards. As this occurred, a reminder from the very same monitors came through on comms.
"Venlil ship, this is LSC Tower 3, you have left the agreed final approach vector, adjust your course to match the planned path immediately, do not continue on your current heading."
The humans did not realize the threat we were currently in, and thus the pilot ignored the warning. The Arxur seemingly took our course change as a challenge, and followed suit.
"I repeat, readjust your course heading immediately or fighters will be scrambled. This is your only warning." Even were that the case, we were far too close for them to plot an intercept vector. The shipyard monitors would need at least [one minute] to reach us, and Nemesis was merely [20 seconds] at full-burn-then-brake approach. We would not let the ship closing in behind us catch us, disciplinary action be damned. The damned Arxur succumbed to their predator madness!
A lazy-curve speed burnoff pattern was adopted, and we rocketed at ever-decreasing, but still frightening pace towards Nemesis in an attempt to shake the Ambusher behind us. The hangar was merely moments away, don't fail us now!
The Arxur vessel broke off the chase near the massive docked ship, seemingly slowing for no apparent reason. Perhaps it realized it couldn't slow down as fast as we could, and as such had to? But, that came with another stomach-hurdling problem: us slowing down. If we didn't, we'd crash and turn into nothing but paste on the walls of the gargantuan ship's hangar.
Thankfully, Mimek pulled through, and we zoomed into the hangar space, hitting the emergency external inertial dampener breaking as we attempted landing. The ship skidded across the floor, as it skipped nearly a [fourty meters] to a stop, crashing through something on the way through, but we were moving at such a pace that I had no clue exactly what.
As the ship came to a complete stop, rocking back onto its belly with a final thump, there was the sound of heavy stomping outside, before something rammed into the back of the ship, nearly rocking it off-balance again. "What...what was that?!" We both exclaimed.
We stepped away from the back exit ramp of the vehicle, all twenty five of us, as it began to groan under immense stress. The door dented in, and a few of us instantly cried out in surprise and fear.
And then again. And again. Another rocking of the ship as a dent formed. Another.
And finally, with an unsettling sound of metal being torn through, a crack in the plating of the door turned into a gap that widened into a shaking hole, until the door literally flew off its hydraulic support. The strain spat out fluids and electrical sparking, and several bleated in fear of the sudden disassembly of the door between us and the hangar. Had the Arxur caught up to us? Were we doomed?
But as the burst of electrical smoke cleared, and the light was filtered through our adjusting eyes, what was on the other side shocked me.
A mechanical monstrosity, far bulkier and massive than the one that had confronted my group and I aboard Nemesis stood on the other side. It towered above us, with a intimidatingly large cannon built into one of its arms, aimed dead center into our room, looking more akin to a vehicle's gun than a handheld one. One could see behind it many more of a similar looking model closing in. It spoke in a wrathful tone...Her wrathful tone.
"What the hell are you doing CRASHING INTO ME? There better be a-"
But I felt a chill as it suddenly cut off, and the featureless head of the bipedal robot swiveled to look directly at me instead. Though I could see no clear indicator of eyes like the nightmarish drone I had talked with in the past, I could feel it gaze directly at me, ignoring the others. It suddenly spoke again, a single word conveying contempt dripping in it. The blood in my veins turned cold as the Twilight.
"YOU..."
+CONFED IO.5+
+READING MAIN SEQ.MEM+
+ADDENDUM: ADJUSTED DATE 24.10.2136+
Something's wrong, I can feel it.
The bearing of the approaching ships has left the supposed approach vector, and directly accelerated towards my open hangar bay. While the ships pose no threat to me directly, I am uncertain if they are capable of stopping quickly enough to not risk the human crew that had just landed. I considered my options...
+grab beam non-responsive, schedule systems evaluation immediately+
I had no capability to tractor the ships from their path, and they showed no sign of slowing. I could fire a particle beam in the path of both ships, but there was no ability to tune down the power enough to not destroy the ships, and it would not reduce their velocity. I plotted the relative course of the Venlil shuttle to be coming at this angle, which thankfully was towards the opposite side of the hangar as the Human delegation. That did not remove the possibility of shrapnel from a crash, however.
I interspersed my Praetorians in front of them, seeking to act as a shield in the case of any flying debris. I warned them in the same instant.
"Take cover behind these drones, there is a problem with the landing Venlil ship on route."
"W..What's going on, Red?" Hailey asked, confused. Never had I been this direct with her physically, actively interspersing my drones in front of her and the rest of the scientific delegation.
"They are likely to crash. Predicted acceleration curves of the shuttle do not meet the prerequisite delta-V to stop safely at this current distance and velocity. Duck and cover."
The shuttlecraft streaked into my hangar bay at speeds that would make a 21st century jet blush. It slowed anomalously upon entering, but did not slow at enough rate to prevent the crash. The Praetorians situated on that side of my hangar were incapable of moving fast enough to dodge out of the way, and I was forced to watch as the shuttle crashed through thirty-two of them in a 45-meter break distance, before slamming into a hangar wall. They were built to withstand incredible munition strength, but not twenty-some odd tons of shuttle at near mach speeds. The impact brutally cast them across the deck, smashing some, tearing apart others.
Debris flew from the front of the shuttle outward, but none reached near the humans. Those moronic aliens were about to answer painfully for their incompetence on my deck.
"Dear god!" One of the humans swore at the sound of the shuttle crashing. Another screamed and ducked down further behind my Praetorian. The drone curled down to better envelop her in protection. Hailey was speechless.
A squadron of Praetorians had been closing in from a safe distance throughout the entirety of the crash. They were a mere hundred meters away, only 4.9 seconds to reach the doors. I collided with the shuttlecraft's exit ramp, and slammed repeatedly into the back of it, aiming to create a gap by which to pry the thing off. Eventually, a gap was made, and the Praetorian body wrenched a manipulator into it.
Then, after tearing off the ramp door to the ship, and beginning to interrogate the idiotic fucks at gunpoint, I find no less that a familiar face has come with them. A familiar face I would have rather not seen again in the slightest.
+identity confirmation, Adjek, Venlil engineer+
"YOU...What, are you doing here, again?"
I stepped forward, into the cargo shuttle, the Praetorian I controlled looming over them, over him, by nearly one and a half meters. I made certain to emphasize that size difference. One does not just crash in me like this without a good reason, or I'd be testing how long a Venlil survives vacuum.
Adjek decided to speak up, fear laden in his voice. "I-I-I...W-we were being chased by an Arxur vessel on the course here! T-They ignored the human's truce and decided to p-pursue us directly!"
I faltered a bit at that. Chased? The Arxur supposedly promised that they wouldn't attack the Venlil in-system, but given how much the bad blood between the Arxur and herbivore races was hyped up, I couldn't toss out the possibility.
"Is he telling the truth?" I swung the Praetorian's fake head about the room, scanning over each Venlil in the audience. It wasn't necessary, I had a panoramic view just from the chest optics alone, but the psychological effect and bait of having a head was palpable. They all parroted something similar to what Adjek and the pilot said, so I had no clear contradiction to go off of yet.
But I wasn't done with intimidation, I warmed the cannon muzzle to be visible within the deep red visual spectrum, and aimed it at him.
"Tell me everything, now."
He began to describe his intent and clearance for coming here...but reality decided to be a pain at that exact moment, as the likely culprit entered the hangar. Thankfully, I wasn't hampered by multitasking. A section of me split attention equally to the Arxur ship landing in my bay.
This ship, supposedly the Ambusher-class Goring Claw going off the IFF, was an armed dropship of some sort capable of intro-extra-atmospheric operation, given the rotary variable mode engines. They had been given landing clearance, but not by me, no, instead by the shipyard.
I would need to ask the UN to bring down that blackout protocol soon. This is immensely inconvenient to not have access to monitoring and communication outside myself, except through Hailey. Nevertheless, I positioned my remaining Praetorians around the likely exit of the dropship, awaiting it to open and...greet...these likely troublemakers. I had one Praetorian stand directly front-and-center to the back end, and aim weapons, but not arm them at the dropship hangar doors.
With a hiss, and a burst of slightly depressurized gas, the door opened, and out marched a line of two pairs of two Arxur guards. Their gear looked highly ceremonial, given its lack of tactical or efficient features, and the choice of weapon being a spear of some sort with a sidearm still holstered. Behind them, walked an even more gaudy individual than the guards, an Arxur with a prominent scar across their face covered in flamboyant ceremonial uniform. I was almost certain this was Chief Hunter Isif, Lithke's commanding officer, given Hailey's description of the visitors earlier. Behind him marched a set of less extravagantly dressed figures, likely advisors of some sort. And, of course, Lithke.
I wouldn't just let them off the hook so easily though, despite their far better entrance.
"Chief Hunter Isif. Lithke. You had best have a good reason for making a Venlil ship crash into my hangar."
Memory transcription subject: Chief Hunter Isif, Arxur Dominion Sector Fleet
Date [standardized human time]: October 24, 2136
Those idiots seriously did not-
...No, calm yourself, a Chief Hunter must always look composed, even in the face of absurdity.
The pilot in control of this Ambusher had heard my order to follow the Venlil in, got target fixation, and decided to escalate it to a chase. I would have him lashed for the offense later, but for now, I needed to quickly rekindle what little good will the Arxur had in Red One's eyes.
Losing it now could mean turning up hungry forever.
"I apologize for my pilot's unprofessional actions. He will be punished severely later for the transgression of letting his instincts override both human and my orders. Is there anything I can do further to fix your appetite, Red One?"
The robot frontmost of our shuttle stepped forward, it's bulk and size intimidating even by Arxur standards. It towered tall enough to nearly be at my head height despite the fact I was standing on the dropship ramp. Red One's response was curt, and [quick to the kill]. "You can start by convincing the odd twenty-five or so Venlil engineers your pilot chased into crashing on my hangar deck that you aren't here to eat them all, or whatever sickening actions you Arxur do. When that's done, then you may converse with Hailey Whitmer."
At least it wasn't "you've done enough, stop". I'd seen plenty disappear after that particular response in the Dominion.
"Fine. Blades!" I shouted to the ceremony guard I was issued. "Two of you will hold the pilot at the ship for punishment. He is to not eat, nor rest, nor do anything until I return. The rest will assist Lithke in assuaging the prey that they are safe...for now. I must speak with Red One while you do."
They saluted, and went about their way.
Good, everyone bought it. In a sense, this was funnily enough just the distraction I needed. Perhaps I'll reduce the pilot's lashing count quietly for that.
Now...for the harder part. I had no idea if Red would sense my intentions, and so-
The combat drone spoke once again. "Lithke's sung your praises, Chief Hunter Isif. An icon of 'applied cruelty' in his words. I'm curious as to why that should be praised, out of all things in a leader."
We're still too close to the ship, even if none are around to hear it, audio logs might pick up any dissenting thoughts. I should bring this conversation elsewhere.
"I see Lithke wasn't convincing on his own, it seems. Here, walk with me, I still have yet to meet your Special Envoy Hailey personally." I began to walk towards the group of humans near the other end of the hangar.
"So, you have met her?" Red One instantly picked up on the message, noticing the phrasing. So, she's capable of understanding subtlety...
"Yes, but not directly. She gave a presentation at the UN's discussion on you, which I attended."
"And what, pray tell, did you learn about there?" Red One seemed to press me slightly on the session, clearly looking for something. I'd play along, get in their favor.
"Plenty. You're by far the most powerful ship in the galaxy, as far as I can tell. The Humans and Venlil alike are afraid of you, but the former less-so, seeing a more mixed reaction to your presence."
"And what do you think of me?" Red questioned.
I began with a political mealy-mouth phrase.
"The Dominion is not-"
But she interrupted my train of thought. "No. I didn't ask what the Arxur thought. I was asking what you thought, specifically."
What?!
I scanned quickly, my head paced from side to side as I looked for any potential monitoring agent or tools nearby that could potentially pick up on my dialogue.
"You're...an interesting shake-up to the galaxy. Possibly even a means to an end I've been looking into."
There was a curiosity laden in that tone. "Is that so? What, pray tell, would an Arxur fleet leader need with me?"
Again, I checked about, to make certain none were close. "I...am trying to solve a personal problem. Your emergence is convenient to it..."
"Ah...so I was correct..." Red One's drone stopped in front of me for a moment, before turning directly to address me. "...The constant checking about other Arxur assets, the send-off of your personal guard, the overcompensation on the facial details and micromovements, the ordering of Lithke to 'convince' me of Dominion ideals. How much of it is an act, Chief Hunter Isif?"
She already found me out!?
The mask dropped in a panic, knowing none were close enough to pick up on it. "Quiet! How did you pick up on that?" I hissed under my breath to them.
She neglected to answer that statement directly, instead asking another question. "That's not important. The better thing to ask, is what exactly do you want with me?"
Well, since the meat has been spoiled...
I decided to be blunt, and honest. "I need either a line to directly converse with you on a sensitive matter later, or a method to do it now. There is a deep sickness within the Arxur, and you are a possible lynchpin to excise it. But it is traitorous in nature to Betterment, and they have agents everywhere. I would need it to be done away from their ears."
"I am currently operating in blackout conditions. I cannot send or receive signals from the outside without going through a UN transponder, so the first option is out currently. You need a distraction then, while you're here." Red's drone turned back around and continued walking, not giving away anything to the outside of her sudden skinning of my fake personality. "That can be arranged. But not this instant, we are already too close to outside ears for an extended conversation."
"A codeword, then? Some indicator that I may step away and talk securely with you?"
"A codeword is a start, but I'm more concerned about your personal guard. Are they loyal to you enough to ignore such a conversation?"
"Absolutely not. Effectively none of the group that has come along with me is loyal enough to hear this."
Red One didn't speak immediately, but the pause was small. "A full separation might be possible. I have an idea during the tour. If I say the phrase, 'Feel free to peruse' to you specifically, it will mean I have sufficiently separated attention enough that you may speak to me securely. Do you understand?"
She already has a plan? Her speed on that matter is dizzying.
I would have to trust her method. "I understand."
"Good, mask up again, we are within the distance of maximum human audible range given this volume."
Her matter of figuring out my intentions and act that quickly was unnerving, but it made some sense for a sentient computer. She likely thought far faster than the average Arxur, or even Human. But I could consider that later, I needed to get back in character. While my physical demeanor hadn't wavered any, I needed to give off the mental face of a Chief Hunter once again to allay suspicions. Especially since my personal guard were likely to return soon.
Hailey Whitmer noticed us soon after, and disengaged herself from talking with the other Humans. She began her way over here, leaving them to huddle around their ship, still unloading a collection of scientific equipment and personal belongings. "Chief Hunter Isif! Welcome to the UECNS Nemesis. What happened exactly that caused the Venlil to crash in like that, however? I heard a concerning bit that they were chased?"
I lashed my tail in frustration at that. "Our pilot idiotically got fixated on the Venlil ship. He will be punished later. For now I apologize on their behalf. I will try and...convince the Venlil's not to fear soon, but I honestly don't expect them to listen. They are prey, after all, sniveling in fear at the slightest provocation."
Hailey looked annoyed at that statement, but I could at least take personal solace in knowing it was mere persona. She would simply have to deal with it. "That's rather rude to our allies, Isif."
I corrected her: "Your allies, Human. The prey do not interest me. No, what interests me and my cohort is this ship." I pointed a claw at the robotic soldier behind me.. "I have already met Red One herself, and as you are the UN's Envoy here, I must meet you as well. Lithke has spoken much about both of you."
Hailey's expression changed from veiled frustration to surprise at that. "He has? Hah! I did charm-...oh, excuse my manners. When your entourage arrives over here, we can begin a proper tour with the both of us at the helm. Red?"
A voice emanated from the walls. "Yes, Hailey?"
"Do you have a path listed for a proper tour throughout your facilities?"
She responded immediately. "Yes. The UEC military has conducted tours before of my hull to other officials. I can follow said pathing, ignoring areas currently exposed to vacuum or damaged heavily. It will cover roughly 45% of the ship, and with transportation aid, take roughly 4 and a half hours."
Hailey clapped her hands together. "Perfect! When the three groups are gathered properly here, we can begin."
Given I could see my guard returning, thankfully not laden with prey blood or wounds, that would be soon.
+CONFED IO.5+
+READING MAIN SEQ.MEM+
+ADDENDUM: ADJUSTED DATE 24.10.2136+
I have had tours done of my shipself before. When my form was still under construction, Commander Theodore William Billingsly had given a walk-around to Yasmine, in preparation to turn over the role of Captain to her. The visit had gone rather easily, and familiarized her with my layout quickly in a professional manner. I had given numerous miniature tours of my layout to new crew members, with assistance from more established crew. I figured tours were nothing too special to my sensibilities and experience.
But I had never quite had the experience of juggling a tour where each distinct species of the tour was at odds with the other two. Listening to them was taxing.
"What are you looking at, leaflicker?"
"H-Help! I-It wants to e-e-eat me!!!"
"Could y'all just get along for a single moment? We're coming up on the barracks, supposedly, and yet you're at each other's throats!"
"Of course we're at their throats, those are rather delicious to tear out."
"You predators would focus on our vulnerable spots, w-wouldn't you!"
"Fuck's sake, you can't behave, can y'all?"
"Jealous of our vicious nature?"
"No we're not! What you do to the other races in this galaxy is abhorrent!"
"Yeah, you Arxur monsters have nothing to be proud of! I've lost family to your kind!"
Very taxing.
The human team and Hailey were trying to somewhat wrangle the mood down, but the Arxur and Venlil despised one another, and it showed. There was no quieting-down of their feud for more than a few minutes, before it started up again for the smallest altercations. I was glad I had brought a host of Praetorians to keep them physically separate somewhat, as I'd hate to have seen any humans hurt in the way.
Instead, I tried to focus on just providing an air of authority, as Hailey led them throughout my assorted systems and layout, only providing input where she did not know about. There were at least some receptive comments of myself during the tour that didn't result in lambasting the other two parties.
"The internal layout of this ship is rather unique. It doesn't look like anything in the Federation proper." A Venlil engineer by the name of Joluk mentioned.
"Yeah, I know!" Said a human scientist by the name of George Oscoda. "It's very...Death Star meets Nostromo, made a bit wider, then painted gunmetal black with red detailing."
Joluk turned back to him. "I have no idea what those are, but I don't like the sound of a Death Star." Their tail went ramrod straight, hanging down at the comment. Perhaps a body language fear response?
I decided to clarify from a drone nearby. "The internal design pattern of the UEC favors a highly geometric, hexagonal or octagonal hall layout, for maximum support with little freestanding support. A three-to-two width to height ratio also helps alleviate claustrophobic concerns, and detriments mental health minimally for extended stays."
George spoke up again. "I guess that's fair, but nothing will change how depressingly dark and scarred-up some of these corridors and bulkheads are currently. I get that it's battle damage, but..."
Lithke piped in from the front. "Nemesis wears her scars proudly. She is a predator forged in war, none escape without scars." I couldn't find a reason to directly deny said statement. I did sometimes prefer the reminder of how many Compact Janissaries had died within myself. How I shivered in delight at knowing they met their ends aboard my hull.
I decided to just remain silent on that. Hailey also responded to that soon after. "Well, honor besides, a lot of that damage will have to be repaired eventually. No amount of self-righteousness excuses holes to vacuum in some spots." She was also right. There were various spots throughout me that were not even enterable, let alone habitable as I was. Numerous collapsed-in sections, holes in my hull all-throughout. There wasn't even a main engines section anymore, with the aft exposed to space after redlining to Earth to save them from the Federation fleet. No amount of scars would justify not repairing battle damage.
I was at least partially glad they could not read Compact Standard. The various little easter eggs of alien languages scattered on my walls were filled with warnings and resignations of regret for boarding me. I left them there, to add to the ambient horror of unwelcome borders, but currently it just felt...out of place. I did not want to scare the people on board.
Thankfully there were few along this path, and none noticed it as the language it was offhand, so I avoided those questions. As we walked to the entrance doors to the barracks, there was a hallway we would have to cross first. One I had kept tenderly over the centuries.
I decided to speak ahead of time on it. "We are coming up on a particular area of mine en route to the general barracks. It was not something made in my time with humanity, but more...a personal project. Reminders and trophies of what and who I fought for both myself, and any others who might unfortunately find themselves this far into my halls." Some of the Arxur looked intrigued by that statement.
Hailey looked a little nervous at the way I introduced it. "I-I wouldn't really call it something particularly-"
I kept going over her response. It wasn't particularly polite, but if I was to make a maximal psychological distraction for Isif to say his piece, it would need to be done...
As a drone already within put the finishing touches on the arrangement, and skittered away into the dark lofts above, the doors opened to my favorite rooms, and I introduced the hallway ahead.
"Welcome...to my Collection."
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So 1 week ago, my boyfriend left me for one of my best friend. It has been a couple weeks that they have been hanging out more often than usual. I didnt want to be the jealous type or make my boyfriend feel like i am trying to control him. So i didnt really say anything. I told him that it was worrying me, but that i trusted him with that. Until last sunday, he stayed with her until 2 am while he works at 5 am. He didnt wake me up when he came home. One week before that, my boyfriend told me he needed some distance, he wanted to do his things on his side while i go see my friend or my family. We have been together 8 years, and all my friend are his friends. I tried to hang out with some of them, but they mostly dont answer my text message or pretend they already have something. He officially left me last monday, by saying he has feelings for the other girl. He also said he needed freemdom, since we have been together from 14 years old to 22. We never had a such thing. We never had a significant fight. The girl obviously ghosted me. I went back to my mothers house but i dont feel good. The only idea i have in mind, is to get him back. But a the same time, i feel like i am not respecting myself. We have a dog together so i come to his house everyday to take care of him. He doesnt talk to me at all, except for asking me to leave. I just feel that is not right. How am i suppose to disappear totally after 8 years relationship. I know i am not perfect in that situation. He told me he have been thinking about it a long time, but he was too afraid to Hurt me. He says he left me before it came to cheating. He also said he left me because i have the tendency to make negative comment and he was pissed of it. Which is True, but i never thought he would left me for it.
Yesterday i went to his house so that his brother can help me with my car. I intentionnaly dressed nice and put make up on, to kinda impress him if he sees me. I usually never wear make up. We had eye contact, but nothing more. Around 12am, i was missing him so much i was thinking about bootycall him. But i knew he was with her. He told his Mother we might get back together some day, but not now. His whole family is against his relationship with the other girl, but they still want him to be happy. I have really anxious feeling, especially at night, when i suppose he is with her. He also told most of our group friends that i didnt want to hang out anymore, when he asked me to stay home and not come with him. Now most of them dont wanna talk to me. So i wanted to know.
AITA for trying to win him back? Is it okay to do this or should i do everything i can to pretend i dont care. The only thing keeping me alive right now is my dog, but it comes with the risk of seeing them together everyday, and it really stresses me out. Should i keep hope? Should i give up completely? Should i confront my "friend"? If he ever comes back, should i listen to my heart or my reason?

I pretty much have a solid set of apps that I use on the AW for a couple of years now already. I decided to watch some YT videos on new apps that I may not know yet that may be useful to me.
The problem with these videos where they would list 10 apps is that these are “cool” apps and technology that you can do on your watch rather than be useful. What I mean is that they would sometimes name apps to watch youtube or apps to browse the web while it’s amazing that you can do it on your watch, it’s not really useful outside of “look at what my watch can do.” to your friends or elderly relatives. Lol.
Any other apps that you guys use on the daily that are useful? I’ll list some that I use and if you can suggest more, I would appreciate that. 1. Autosleep - Not for sleep tracking but the alarm is amazing. 2. Heart Analyzer 3. WatchMessage - unfortunately facebook messenger is big in my country and Meta removed the AW app so yeah. 4. Forest 5. OneNote 6. Elk - currency converter is really helpful when traveling. 7. Strava 8. Flighty 9. The rest of the built in Apple Apps

I've been married for 12 years, together for 16. I am a 38M and she is a 39F. Our marriage has mostly been very happy. We spend lots of time together, are affectionate, we go on dates. We've survived hard times together and have so many wonderful memories. She is my best friend. We have no kids, by choice.
The problem area for us has always been sex, and it's always been me. We were Christians at the time we got married, and we waited till marriage to have sex. We both regret this. I found sex to be disappointing, and for our entire marriage it hasn't been something I've ever felt that excited about. I still do it because I love her, but she knows it's more out of duty and it's not as often as she'd like.
A few months ago I met a co-worker (37F). We have a lot in common and she is genuinely the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. We became friends and started texting each other. At that point I didn't want anything more than friendship. She has a boyfriend and I was hoping she'd introduce me to him (we recently moved to a new city and I don't have many friends here yet), but the more I got to know her, the more I liked her. The attraction grew to the point that I'd never felt so attracted to someone in my life. I could not stop thinking about her and I knew it was going to be a problem.
A few weeks ago, my wife mentioned that I was acting weird (staring blankly, acting cold). I played it off as a mid-life crisis. I talked to a therapist and then decided to tell my wife about my feelings for my coworker. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but she deserved to know the truth. She was understandably very upset. She asked me to leave, and I did. A few hours later she said I could come home. It's been up and down since then, but we're still together and getting counselling. Divorce has been discussed, but we've decided that no matter what we're going to stay together until at least August.
It's too early in this process to say that things aren't working, but I'm so scared that we're sexually incompatible. I think going 4 years together without it before we were married really fucked me up, because that became normal. This obviously should have been addressed a loooooong time ago, but it wasn't and I can't change that.
I've cut all contact with my co-worker. I don't see her very often (we work for a huge company), but I still find myself thinking about her all the time. I'm hoping it will go away with time, but so far the feelings are just as strong as ever. I can't help but feel that this was what falling in love was supposed to feel like.
Here's my questions:
Is there any advice about how not to think of someone? If I can't stop, is it just something I need to cope with?
What can I do to ignite passion in the bedroom? I've cut out all porn use (should have done that ages ago but it's easier said than done).
Has anyone been in a similar situation and if so, do you have any general advice?
Thank you!
tl;dr Been married a long time, things were good but not enough sex. Met a girl, caught feelings, told my wife. Still together but things are shakey.

This theory is really a stretch but break week is driving me nuts, so just hear me out.
Many people have already made the connection between "The Mysterious Cities of Gold" and One Piece. In Cities of Gold the main character Esteban (Luffy) has an ancient relic, which allows him to enter the city of gold. There is a relic which Luffy poses aswell. It's the Hito Hito no Mi, Model: Nika.
A fellow redditor who sadly deleted his post thinks that Luffy's devil fruit is the key to enter Laugh Tale or do something there.
I think so too but wanted to make a connection between the recent revelations of Vegapunk, the mother flame and the relic of the Hito Hito no Mi.
Vegapunk engineered the mother flame. Based on his own research or upon knowledge of the ancient kingdom. King of Lightning claims in his video The Best One Piece Planet Theory I've Ever Made, that the entire planet in One Pieces is a giant Dyson Sphere. This might be the case or not. But after the revelation of the mother flame I atleast think that the ancient kingdom posessed one or more fusion reactors. They might be similiar to Dr. Vegapunks A&Mu reactor and the reactors which are researched today which use heavy hydrogen. Or the energy source of the ancient kingdom is the sun itself, as the sun is a natural fusion reactor itself.
*Puts on tin foil hat* What if there is an ancient fusion reactor located on Laugh Tale or in the ancient kingdom, which needs to be reactivated/activated or it is not running on 100% capacity. Is it possible that this reactor needs to be reignited by the mother flame which was invented by Vegapunk? Or is there a motherflame on Laugh Tale which needs to be put in place again to start the reactor? The one piece missing to start the fusion reactor? What if the only person who is capable of restarting the reactor is a stretchy boy? Think of the those glove compartments made out of rubber that are used in hazardous enviroments:
Isolator
I can imagine that it is technically difficult to position the material for the fusion inside the reactor chamber. The enviroment inside the reactor might be extremly hot/electrically charged/ contain a strong magnetic field. Maybe it is not possible to operate/repair the reactor mechanically from the outside. That's when Luffy's ability comes in play. He could position the mother flame inside the reactors core. Maybe this is the reason why he is made out of rubber(resistant to electricity), can withstand/create fire (Red Roc) and stretch really long to reach the center of a huge fusion reactors core.
And maybe this is the reason why the Hito Hito no Mi, Model: Nika is called the Sun God. It is because whoever has the sun god devil fruit is literally the god of the sun or in this case the fusion reactor.

So I got this cousin, we used to be best friends to the point we went to high-school together. We both lived at opposite ends of the city, we picked a school in the middle and boom.
Ive always tried to find something we could do together as adults. The GIANT ass goes on these long ass bike rides now and doesn't invite me. Ive asked him multiple times, if your going send me a message. Nothing, never. He posts his big ass routes to reallly rub it in.
Can someone help me create a bike route in the city so that when its done looks like a giant middle finger so I can send it to him. 😘🤣😁

I want to know if I’m justified in being upset or if I am truly being a jerk. I, 33F, have been married to my wife, 33F, for 11 years. I love my wife; I do, but I am so upset and feel like I’m underappreciated. This needs background. I'm sorry for the technical details, but it’s how my brain processes and I believe it is necessary.
I want to preface this by saying that I am nowhere near perfect and have my issues and trauma that I know can make me a little difficult to deal with. I have a lot to work on myself, and I try my best to see my faults and mitigate them before they burden her and others.
Okay, details:
I have a labor-intensive job. I am in middle management now, so I work on the computer a lot, but I also go on the floor to keep my skills sharp and keep in touch with my crew. Computer work is mentally draining as opposed to physically draining, but I also get physically drained. I work 40+ hours a week. My job pays all the bills, living expenses, savings, 401K/retirement and health insurance.
My wife works from home. She has her own business that she loves. She sets her hours, can wake up when she wants, works when she feels like it, and is only bound by the constraints of her own time. (I admit, I’m jealous). Her take-home varies. On a good month, 1/3 of my income. She used to have a “regular” job, but it gave her so much anxiety she was miserable, and we were fine to support ourselves, so she quit and went into her business. I have zero issues when it comes to money. Relationships are partnerships, and I long agreed that I was fine doing the bulk of the money-making labor. I have more of a constitution for these things. I would rather have her be happy than have some extra cash.
We have 3 dogs and no children. Our house is small and doesn’t require much daily up-keep. We have a backyard that the dogs run around in all day; no need to do extra walks unless you want to (really, the backyard is huge). I cook dinner 2-3 times per week. I do the dishes and clean up 2-3 times a week. I do the laundry every other week (it only needs to be done once a week). We do takeaway 1-2 times a week and have at least 1 “do whatever” dinner per week. Obviously, this varies. I don’t mind this. I am an adult; I should do all these things to care for myself and my house. This is called being an adult. I grew up in a house where both parents had 2 jobs; I’ve been cooking and cleaning with my siblings since I can remember.
My Mon-Fri schedule:
4am -Wake up with the dogs
5am – work out (I have to work out for my job, IYKYK), feed the dogs
6am – go to work (work starts at 7am) after letting the dogs back in the bedroom, or they’ll bark all morning and wake up my wife
4pm - off work
430- 5pm – Home
5-530pm – Tues & Thur walk the dogs, M-W-F projects or relax
6pm – Free time (630pm – cook on my days)
7pm – eat dinnerelax
745 pm – prep for my morning (set up coffee, pack lunch, etc.)
8pm – bedtime
Additionally, I am in my Master’s program. During the fall and spring, I do homework or study. This summer, I am studying to take tests to advance my career and working on writing projects in hopes of one day being an author.
Saturday and Sunday are my off days. I wake up on Saturday when the dogs wake up naturally, get them out of the room, outside, fed, and relax on the couch. They are good dogs, mostly chill. I drink coffee and do my writing projects or study for school if needed. Sat, I usually get things done around the house: home improvement, my personal projects, mowing the lawn, cleaning, and fixing anything that needs fixing. There is usually about 5-6 hrs of labor on Saturdays. Sundays, I try my best just to chill.
My wife already has her degree, so she doesn’t go to school and doesn’t know what she wants to do in life, so she doesn’t go after a higher degree even though it would be extremely low cost due to my job offsetting tuition for her (and school is almost free for me). She has hobbies that she loves and creates things for herself, her family and me, which I appreciate. She enjoys baking, which I benefit from. But mainly, and this makes me sound like an ass, she just kind of bee-bops around, hanging out. Her anxiety keeps her from having a job outside the house, keeps her from attacking her business full steam, and keeps her from figuring out what she wants to do for school or life in general. She has mental health care, and she is better than she used to be. I am so proud of her progress. But even the projects she creates for herself, like gardening, she doesn’t attack with gusto. She doesn’t have to garden; she chooses to, and yet the plants are going to shit because she doesn’t go out to weed the garden and prep for planting season. I don't care, I do, but I don't because none of it is necessary. She has the ability to do literally whatever she wants.
Anyway, here’s my current issue:
The dogs sleep in the room, next to my wife’s side of the bed. They sleep all night and hardly ever wake up; they are good dogs. But they do get up around 5-6am on Saturdays, because their natural routine is to wake up with me at 4am M-F. To wake us up, they scratch on the gate that separates their area from the bed and prevents them from jumping on the bed. I’m a light sleeper; they can’t sleep on the bed, or I’ll wake up. On the weekends, I hear them scratching, and I wake up, and my wife stays asleep. I am vigilant about waking up because I don’t want them to suffer needing to go pee, or accidentally pee, or if they are sick and need to puke. I love my dogs; I do my best to care for them. My wife loves them equally, but I don’t think she shares in their morning care equally. Once I’m awake, I’m awake; there’s no going back to sleep for me. I wake up 6 days a week, and she wakes up maybe 1 because even on Sundays, I usually wake up from them scratching, even though she’s right next to them. If I hear them, I’m up. I can’t just wake her up and say, “Hey, the dogs,” because now I’m awake.
If she wakes up early, she’s miserable. She complains for the 30 minutes it takes to get them fed and settled, then she goes right back to sleep on the couch. On the occasion I don’t wake up on a Sunday, I’ll come out of the room around 8-9am, and she’ll be asleep, having been asleep since she took care of the dogs. Then, she’ll take a nap in the middle of the day. (I rarely nap, my issues, not hers.)
Last night, one of our dogs got hot and wanted out of the room; I woke up at 1am and opened the door. We’ve been concerned about the girl dog, so I checked she was okay and laid back down. My wife woke to ensure everything was fine but instantly went back to sleep. I know this because it famously takes me an hour to get back to sleep if I wake up crazy early. Then the dog we worried about cried out loudly (she must have turned wrong in her bed and hit something), so I sprang up to ensure she was okay. This was probably 3am. My wife (who didn’t hear it, only heard me say my dog's name) woke up, checked she was fine, then immediately went back to sleep. Then, of course, 515am rolls around, and the dogs are scratching to get out; they are fully awake. Who has to get up? Me.
I just want one freaking morning to sleep consistently. I want Sunday to rest in my bed and not have to wake up. That’s it! I want to sleep. I understand that my schedule is my schedule; I choose what I do, but I do it to better my life and hers. I work hard all day. I work hard to ensure a good future and keep earning good money. I pursue my passions on the side. I take care of the house, and I fix everything because she “doesn’t know how to do that stuff.” I do all the outside chores; I set up everything for summer, then again for winter, then again for summer, over and over, every year, year after year after year. I go to work day after day after day. I come home, and I do as much as I can. I just want to sleep on Sundays. I've expressed this before, and it'll get better for a month, then return to the same thing.
Set an alarm! Do something! She knows I hate it! She should think that I deserve sleep and actively do something to make sure I get it. It's one day! I keep the dogs quiet M-F in the morning. I actively make sure they don’t disturb her, and I made sure that when they go back in the room at 6am that it doesn’t bother her. She doesn't get out of bed Mon-Fri until 8 or 9am. I know because I see the notification for the backdoor being opened while I'm at work. She doesn't have to get up on Saturdays until 9 or 10am and gets to wake up naturally. Just SET AN ALARM ON SUNDAY. Why would you not think, damn, my wife works her ass off and falls asleep on the couch early most days cause she's so tired? How about I set an alarm on Sunday for 5am so she can get some sleep since she has to go to work Monday! Just something! Please!

I got retraumatized again today.
A sign had the word gypsy on it. You wouldnt see shops with the word n*gger on it would you? I know I have privilege, and you might say "iTs nO bIg DeAl" or "yOuAr dEluSiOnAl" but do we really need to bully each other and further and divide the community? No. All trauma is like super valid ok.
Sure there are families in third world countries starving and homeless but I don't have any money in my bank account to buy food after attending that concert last weekend and my next payday is tomorrow. Food insecurity is truly terrifying.
So I promptly interrupted the retail workecashier who was in the middle of a transaction and told her off.
She honestly said "I just work here"
Like really? Being complicit in RACISM like that? I could feel the bigotry behind her hollow, exhausted, dead eyes. Can't believe it. So I talked to the manager. You bet I sat and waited for this lady. I was SEETHING. My trauma was traumatized. I couldn't wait to post about this. I was already writing up my boycott Facebook post to let people know to STAY AWAY.
Finally this lady shows up, her fake politeness made me even more angry, how dare you continue to oppress my people and then smile at me? Unbelievable.
She said it would be complicated to change the name, but she appreciates me educating her.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Take the sign DOWN. They have screwdrivers, there are companiee that do that! I don't know anything about business, but it can't be that hard! Just do the right thing, the LEGAL THINGS and change your business name!
Apparently there is a lot of "costs" and "talking to a lawyer and filing paperwork" and it's "something they can't do right now because they're a small business"
You run a business! It's like a landlord! You have to be dripping in spare cash I mean come on. Look at all the sales this business makes off the back of OUR PEOPLE.
We should start a petition with the city. Anyone have any traumatic family stories I can use to, uh, show the people in charge how hurtful this whole thing is? Don't worry, you can send me a private message. I won't name names, heck, if it means protecting you? I'll just use my own name.
We are all in this together. Naice Tok.

Looking for 1, at most 2, more players for a Cormyr based campaign in Forgotten Realms circa 1495 DR. A mostly lore accurate campaign (DM takes liberties as he sees fit) with an emphasis on RP and political intrigue in addition to the action/adventure we all love. A bit of a GoT flavour with the noble houses of Cormyr. Playing with discord and DDB on Mondays, bi-weekly, 12-3 pm eastern time. DM aims to use the 5e ruleset RAW but is reasonable and tries to keep us happy with accommodations here and there. He is flexible and asks the same of us. A lot of the setting is in or around Suzail. Put that city name at top of your message. We currently have a ranger, paladin, and druid but all classes are still up for grabs. We are beginning at level one on Monday June 17th at 12pm. The dm will provide the formula for stats. Character choices must make sense in the Forgotten Realms. It’s a pretty clean campaign as far as language/romance goes. DM really wants us to be respectful and have fun while our story unfolds ! Please dm a few paragraphs of why you’d like to join this campaign and what you could bring to the table.

Currently, in my early 30s, juggling roles as a wife and mother while living on our own with my small family, I've encountered a reality shift in my perspective. It's as if I can now see my past and the people in my life without being triggered intensely, and I’m gradually figuring out why I ended up the way I am today.
Our marriage isn’t the typical ideal, dream wedding scenario that a mature, stable woman might envision. Instead, it evolved from a period of post-college socializing, working and partying, then fast fwd to the intimacy of a private wedding after becoming pregnant.
Reflecting on my teenage years, I recall the emotional support I lacked, particularly from my adoptive mother. Discovering her infidelity during my high school years made maintaining silence in our home (during crucial developmental stages) even more challenging.
I found myself becoming a people pleaser, seeking validation and acceptance from a certain group of friends at the expense of my own identity. Despite coming from a modest background with a hardworking father, I became increasingly reliant on social media validation, leading to a sense of delusion about my life.
I can’t help but reminisce about my inner child – before the cheating and abuse. I was always considered one of the top students, consistently maintaining good grades. Though good grades don’t necessarily equate to good mental health, I must admit those were the last core memories where I felt truly happy with myself and was honest with both myself and my family.
Back then, family reunions were genuine—not perfect, but happy. My cousins were my first circle of best friends, and relationships weren’t toxic or confusing. In short, there was strong family support.
It seems that life indeed involves trade-offs. Exchanging your true self and values for superficial and shallow things ultimately comes at a high cost. Genuine connections are lost and replaced with what your current life values attract. It’s like betraying yourself = self-sabotage.
However, as reality hit hard, I realized that true fulfillment cannot be found in superficial validation. Going through late realizations and tough lessons, I've come to understand that healing invisible wounds and finding purpose and maturity are the true anchors in life, even as friendships come and go (especially when it’s not true and genuine).
Contrary to popular belief, your 20s aren’t the only defining decade of your life. Many people find that life truly begins at 30, and it’s never too late to start over.
Turning 30 often brings a sense of clarity and purpose that might have been missing in your 20s. This decade is an opportunity to realign your life with what truly matters to you, using the lessons and experiences of your past as a foundation for a more fulfilling future. ✨

I will give a lot of context of my situation, but I will try to make it as anonymous as possible (although, based on this, it is really easy to find me...). I won't try to justify, but rather explain the reasoning so you can understand it better. All of this is really embarrassing for me, but I'm so desperate that I feel like I need to tell you everything.
I, M23 non-citizen living in Europe in the process of acquiring citizenship, began my career around the Fall of 2021 as a Software Engineering Intern at a top 3 Password Manager company. I was 20yo at the time. I do not have a CS degree, but I had original personal projects that helped me during interviews. The fact that I failed a subject at school and couldn't join university was the trigger for a depression&anxiety (that had deeper reasons than just school failure) that I was in for over a year, and this new job sparked a joy inside me that I didn't experience during this time.
I was doing really great. After 4-5 months, I was offered a full-time Junior SWE position. I was even discharged from therapy. However, I was also interviewing for other companies as I didn't know if I'd make it into a full-time position. The offer came in as I passed Facebook interviews for a 3-month internship in London (I live in another country). I talked to my manager at the time, and he convinced me that it would be better to stay, as I had concerns about immigration & the fact that it didn't seem like Facebook had a long-term plan for me.
My salary as an intern was 24k€/year, remote. If I were to be full-time, I would be going into 32k€/year, remote.
Two weeks later, I also received feedback from another company, Company 2, B2B Fintech. I passed all the interviews for a remote Junior FE position. The salary was 72,8k€/year, but as a contractor, and I would be joining as an employee if I were to relocate to Paris. I discussed the matter with my parents, friends, and girlfriend, and I decided to take the offer. The company I was working at counter-offered for 45k€, but I didn't take it.
Then shit hit the fan.
Everything at work was fine, but I was going through a lot of stress at home. After roughly 2 months in this new company, I had two traumatic events outside work that put me into my first panic attack. Due to the high expectations I had for myself at this new job, I felt compelled to resign. I made up an excuse at midnight, wrote the resignation letter and sent it to my manager. He understood my situation and I left. I started to attend therapy sessions once more and took different medications as well.
I talked to colleagues at Company 1, and they accepted me back. One month later, I was back at my position, at 45k€. But things were different. I was giving my all, but I wasn't performing as well as I was before. My relationship with my girlfriend was getting worse, things at home were so tense, and responsibilities were piling up. My therapist thought (and she was right) that I was in the process of burnout. Closer to 6 months after my return, I was talking to my peers about taking a break, but I wasn't sure yet... Then the HR said I'd better take a sick leave because my performance was worse than before and this could trigger a PIP. I took the sick leave. 2 weeks weren't enough. The day I returned, I talked to HR again and I was surely going to PIP, so I told them I was not capable of doing more than I was already doing. I was exhausted. I resigned once more.
Two months later, I got another job at Company 3. I couldn't screw this up. 46k€, remote, I just had to go to Paris once a month. On the first day at this new job, I was so focused that I forgot to eat, and just noticed I was starving when my mom knocked on the door at 17h30 asking if I would eat something. I was dedicating 100% of my time to code.
On my first visit to the office, I had a great time, except for an interaction with a colleague that I really liked. He was asking about my story and I told him about my previous experiences. He said: "so you aren't going to leave us after 3 months, are you?". The voice tone was friendly, but I knew the concern was legit.
During my second visit to the office, I ran out of medication, so I was rationing the dose so I could make it until I was back home. I had a side project for a role-playing game, so I changed the whole BE & FE language & frameworks to match the Company 3 stack. I made a linkedin post to tell people I was practicing the stack after work hours on this project. On the next day, HR scheduled a meeting with my manager and asked me if I was founding a company, because that would clash against the non-competing clause in my contract, and that "Company 3 is the only entrepreneurship journey an employee should take".
Looking back, I understand the concern. In my mind, I was only sharing my RPG side project and showing commitment to improving, but they could not read my mind. I tried explaining that to my manager, and he suggested that instead of doing my side project, I could use those hours after work to solve more tasks from work, as my project would not give me any financial return. This whole thing made me feel horrible. I was so unstable due to medication and [sensitive information, trigger] that I thought of killing myself. I just didn't do it because I thought of my family, girlfriend and friends.
When I returned back home, I was worse. After two weeks I resigned, again. I made purchases with a credit card just so I could force myself to find a job to pay it later. My girlfriend also broke up with me, and lost contact with friends, so... I really asked my parents to stay in the hospital for rehab. I couldn't take it anymore. We searched for other therapists and they denied my hospitalization and we began working on my mental health again. They discovered that I have ADHD, alongside other childhood traumas...
After four months, I had an offer for an internship at Company 4. 21,6k€/year, but fully on-site in Paris. I had nothing to lose, so I went there. At the same time, it was my best and worst decision at the same time. It was good because I could prove to myself that I was a little bit stronger than I thought, but...
I began sharing a home with another 10 people (it was complete chaos, with a lot of fights between the people living there), taking 55% of my net salary (1380€/month) just for the rent, adding up to the interest payments I had, food, transportation, etc... I was basically paying to be able to do this internship. I couldn't pay the deposit for cheaper places. I decided I was going back home. I stood there for 6 months and, resigned and returned home.
Since then, I have taken some time to heal. Eventually, I had to stop therapy for some months as my parents had some financial issues (especially as they had to help me financially as well), but this month I will go back to it once more, thankfully. I tried job hunting, but either I couldn't pass the CV screening stage, or I failed during the process.
Right now, I'm doing some freelance for a LATAM client. I think will earn (as I don't have a contract or anything), 320€ a month.
I honestly feel like a kid. I made many mistakes and I feel like I've burnt bridges everywhere. If I weren't in the hustle from day one, I could've paid more attention to my health, to my ex, to my friends, and I wouldn't have made most of the decisions I did. I feel ashamed. I know part of the blame can be justified on the mental health issues I have, but I can't blame everything on it, I have my (the biggest) part of the blame as well.
I would like to have some advice on what to do. How to deal with this job hopping situation I have? My parents have a better financial condition now, so I'm going back to therapy and I'll be able to visit my home country. I have attached my CV, so you can have a look too and give me some advice on it. I also want to join the university next year and restart my social, professional, and academic life.
Thank you for your attention, this was really hard to share and I appreciate your time reading this.
CV: https://imgur.com/JfF4Ddy

He's there UE community. I looked into how to make characters customizable and what I found was that best practice is to render different body parts/meshes together. Putting meshes on top of each other is apparently bad practice. But it seems to me like PZ does that and it causes nice combinations of jackets laying on top of shirts and such. I assume the layers are actually on top of each other and there's some kind of boolean operation to get rid of the parts that are not used? Would be nice if someone here knew the answer. :)

While Israel-Palestine drama is basically cheating as far as this subreddit is concerned, this drama is unique as the freeing of hostages is objectively good news. People were kidnapped by Hamas during the October attacks and have been held in secret locations since. Some have died, some have been killed deliberately and by accident, but this is the first time that this many hostages have been freed in one go. In particular, the woman hostage is familiar to those who have been following the conflict as the girl who was snatched on a Motorcycle in the kidnap footage (Noa Argamani). The biggest issue with the operation to rescue them was that it incurred lots of casualties, as the hostages were being held in a civilian camp.
The hostage situation has caused mounting pressure on Israeli leadership, and the liberation of hostages goes a long way in calming and reassuring the Israeli people, whose leadership is becoming increasingly unpopular both internally and across the world.
Not everyone is pleased at the news. The raid itself has a significant casualty pool even if some of those were terrorists. While we don't know the exact figure, rumours say over 90 people have been killed in the raid. Israel's actions in the conflict have also been extremely controversial, with many accusing Israel of conducting ethnic cleansing or genocide under the guise of fighting a terrorist organisation. Whether earned or not, some see Israel as the 'bad guy' in the conflict.
Was the hostage rescue 'worth' the casualties? Did Hamas treat them well? Is it 'appropriate' to celebrate hostages being freed when Israel is killing people? Is this a good or bad thing? Will freeing hostages allow Israel to do worse things? Does Reddit support Hamas? Is it hypocrisy when Israel holds many prisoners without trialing them? Will this victory cause Israel to double down on it's extreme actions?
----- Pics ----- (A Father embracing her daughter who was rescued from captivity after 250 days) Locked. 76% upvoted.
Wasn't this girl who got taken by a motorcycle?
Watch how pro-terrorist will try to spin this beautiful reunion into something horrifying justifying her kidnapping. If you justify the murder, gang rape, torture, and kidnapping of kids, teenagers, and civillians including women and elderly, youre on the wrong side.
Strawman much? Literally no one is justifying any of the kidnappings. You’re making up arguments in your head to get mad about.
Hamas shouldn't have captured/killed/raped 300 innocent civilians from multiple nations of the world
Already seen a lot of people angry about this
Did people just want her to die or something?
Happy shes free and safe, lets hope to see the day when the Palestinians hostages are free and safe too.
How does someone that's been captive for 250 days by the worst group of people in the world have no scars, no bruises, clear healthy skin, and doesn't look like they've lost a pound that whole time??
----- Global_News_Hub ----- (55 civilians killed in refugee camp, 4 hostages saved: Report)
Zionists doing what they do best. Killing civilians and finding reasons for it later or play victim.
Originally, the Zionists didn't even know there were hostages there. They just wanted to kill civilians.
Epic levels of cope
55 Arab Lives are not important to Zionists. They are animals to Israelis.
Maybe Hamas shouldn’t hide their hostages in refugee camps? It’s almost like they want their civilians to die to gain international sympathy
Despicable! The IDF should let Hamas kidnap, rape, torture, and murder without any consequences!! How dare they rescue the very few surviving hostages
----- MadeMeSmile ----- (Footage of hostage reuniting with family)
Israel killed over 200 palestinians today. This is not a day for smiles
She looks very healty. Thats how hostages should look like at the end. Not like the ones israel and russians are holding. We clearly can see who are the real terrorists. Good she made it back like this and is able to smile
And isnotreal killed 210 to “rescue” her
Saved four and killed 150 Palestinian civilians. What a heroes
Makes me sad, not smile: 1200 upvotes after 6 hours. The state of mind of Reddit users.
Big mistake to sort by controversial - what the heck is wrong with some of you?
And you really trust Hamas?
More than "israel"
As much as one should be happy about it, Palestinians continue to be under a Genocide. Israel has Palestinian hostages 26 times more than what Hamas has Israeli hostages. Israel has dropped bombs on Gaza more than what were dropped in World War II.
The entire kidnapping was absolutely awful on every level. What Israel is doing right now is absolutely awful on every level I’m happy that she is back safe with her family. All things can be true at the same time
What kind of shitty, hateful comments, especially on such a wholesome group.
----- IsraelPalestine -----
Cool, I wish that all hostages get released from the captivity of Hamas. It’s a big shame that Netanyahu is refusing any ceasefire and is continuing this war, and I hope that we eventually get a ceasefire so that all the hostages can return home.
Ahhh when success is refusing a deal to release all hostages because your adversary is evil and your response is checks notes using aid vehicles as troop convoys (a crime you've accused Hamas of) to rescue four hostages and in the process kill two hundred people, thus showing that Palestinian civilian life has lesser value than Israeli Nothing like committing repeated war crimes to show you're the good guys, right? It's a good thing US taxpayers are bankrolling THIS as opposed to dealing with inflation or healthcare. Seriously, what blackmail does Bibi have on Biden?
Great news for the families. But the pictures of the hostages post rescue (not the one above) are very telling. - basically Hamas are kinder, gentler hostage takers than Israel
Genuinely good news for the hostages and their families. I'm happy to hear they were found in good health. Unfortunately this will send the message that the current IDF strategy is worth it, and many more people will die as a result. Small victories I guess.
Up to 200 people killed on that operation, lots of innocent Palestinians. Local hospital was overwhelmed with insured and killed people.
----- InternationalNews ----- (IDF rescues 4 Gaza hostages: Noa Argamani, Almog Meir Jan, Andrey Kozlov, and Shlomi Ziv)
So we're now at what? 7k dead Palestinians per hostage?
Get yourself ready for propaganda interview videos...
oh it's already in full force, saving 4 hostages is now being used to justify the killing of hundreds. Since we know these ppl don't think Palestinians are humans, they are going to not care one bit about the 47 innocent civilians (so far, more injured as well) killed in this "special operation". Israel will 100% use this to further try and justify killing more people in Rafah and probably to refuse the ceasefire deal on the table right now.
So, now we'll have four Mossad agents posing as freed hostages telling us horror stories of their brutal treatment. "They gang raped my severed baby head!"
There’s video of Noa being abducted on Oct. 7.

So i am a 15 yr old boy and i met a friend of mine in school. She has been my classmate since preschool and that was was when I fell in love with her (even though I didn't know what love was back then). I was the only guy she used to sit with or talk to in class. I felt special. After 5th grade pandemic happened and i lost contact with her. When the school reopened after the lockdown I was in 7th grade, I got myself a best friend and i started to reconnect with her. Things were going preety great but then in 8th grade my best friend proposed to her. I was devastated but happy for them at the same time. In 9th grade I got in different section than the 2 of them. I started distancing myself from the two of them but in 10th grade disaster struck mine and her section ended up being the same and on top of that she was the only one I knew In that class and now I have started to get very lonely because my mom and dad are a very good couple and my sister's go a boyfriend too. Now I don't have anybody to share my feelings with so i ended up posting it here. HOPE YOU LIKE READING IT and please give me some advice on what i should do

I have no idea where to go with these rant so here I am anyways... So the thing today me & father sat & looked at the boards answer copy & so omfg this is just the worst I got 63 in maths in boards well ik it's bad & all but my fucking father is eating me up he is just a fucking hypocrite atp first he says marks don't matter chill then he giving me 2hrs of lecture saying where this marks r gonna take me.. I in the test wrote 2 formulas wring well I take it I did a mistake I fucked up but this guy goes on scolding me saying this is just basic maths (by that I mean simple maths not the basic maths paper) not hard at all, just do something in the paper & use ur common sense (like wtf how tf do u use common sense in maths?) & then he goes to say do u even use ur brain in the exam? & starts giving me lecture on how TO FUCKING WRITE IN MY EXAM... LIKE TF I AM THE WRITING EXAMS FOR 15 FUCKING YEARS U HAVENT WRIITTEN A EXAM FOR OVEN 2 DECADES PLS STFU & he also starts scolding saying why I wrote a arrow that small & why wrote "Ans.B 1" like bro that's literally in the paper
He even gave me lecture on y I didn't write I the answer in STEPS IN ENGLISH & SCIENCE when I tell him the teachers said not to HE SAID WHO CARES... & he even said that I lost marks cuz of my phone like bro I DIDNT USE MY PHONE THROUGH PB-1 & 2 & BOARDS ASWELL... On top of all this today is my birthday... Not only did I not get any wishes from my friends at my old skl, I didn't even get it from the clg ppl... tbh my clg ends at 6pm & starts at 8am so i am usually exhausted asf so I was REALLYYYYY looking for today not only cuz Sunday but also my bday but this mess ruined it all ( Best bday fr)
Also, Ig u can argue that u don't remember ur friends bday but u don't forget a friend's bday who u always vent to no matter how small plus u don't forget a guys bday who's bday date is on their ig bio ( 🤡👈 Me fr)
DAMNN... I feel abit better now ig thanks 🙏 & no this is not a karma farm or anything this is fr & yes I am using the sympathy card that's y I bought my bday up cuz I just don't feel good rn & I dont hv anyone to talk to & sorry if I sound rude/mean/ cocky I just hv too many words in my head & idk where to put em lmaooo :D

I feel my 30F best friend 31F has irreparably let me down during the time I needed support the most.
My friend and I have been close for two decades, but in recent years we’ve been drifting apart somewhat due to differing life circumstances and values. She’s had a fair amount of difficulty throughout her life (and I feel like I’ve always tried to be there for her and be her emotional support, including staying awake for hours in the night to talk to her when she found out about a cheating partner) but I’ve noticed, especially in recent years, that unfortunately this has led her to being bitter and resentful, especially about men. Comments she’s made about these type of things have made me feel increasingly uncomfortable and on a couple of occasions when I didn’t want to nod along, I called her out (in a fairly neutral way) by saying that her using the phrases/slurs she does makes me uncomfortable.
She’s also seemed a little bitter about success in other people’s lives around her and will cope with others’ good news (e.g. engagements) by drinking because of (I think?) jealousy. It’s gotten to the point where it feels uncomfortable to share good news with her, or conflicting opinions - she’s very emotionally fragile and anything seems to set her off, so I feel like I’ve been walking on eggshells.
Recently after trying for some time (which she was aware of), I found out I’m pregnant. However this has been one of the most difficult times of my life - I’ve had unexplained bleeding twice where we assumed miscarriage initially and rushed to the ER, and then I was diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism (which could have been life threatening if not found, and the treatment is 2x daily painful injections). I’ve been in and out of hospital more times than I can count in recent weeks.
I knew the news of my pregnancy would be difficult for her (because she has concerns about this changing our relationship - she's not struggling with infertility/loss etc and doesn't even know if she wants children) but I also disclosed all the difficulties I’d had with my health, the frequent hospital visits and how scared I feel. She did seem relatively happy for me/expressed some concerned at first but the conversation (via text) soon tailed off and she stopped replying after a while.
The kicker was that she then just didn’t check in again. 3-4 days later she sent my husband a message about something unrelated in our group chat, but still did not ask how I was. After a week passed, I sent her a message to explain that I felt hurt and thought a close friend would want to know how I was, after getting a ‘life threatening’ diagnosis when she knew I was struggling. She didn’t seem to have a good reason for not checking in aside from her own ‘stress’ (though it seems she has constantly felt this way for years), needing a reminder to do things like check in because ‘that’s how my brain works’ and and ‘not knowing how to support with these sort of things’. She had sent a gift with a brief message about relaxing (which arrived that same day after I messaged, and I thanked her for this) but am I wrong for just wanting her to check in with a simple text/thinking this would have meant more?
This person was my MOH at my wedding and we’ve shared a lot together. But this feels like the last straw - does this seem reasonable? What would you do in this situation?

Hi there.
I broke up with my partner on the 17th of last month - she was somebody I credit to making the last 6 months of my life extremely enjoyable, and one of the sole anchors of happiness I had in my life. For the most part everything was good until the last few weeks - she had a very 'retreatist' attitude when it came to any sort of strain or negative emotion, where I normally sought to communicate with her whenever I felt down about either the relationship or anything in my personal life. This often led to her being occasionally distant, but as I said before, it was an all-round extremely fun time.
We broke up only days after making a littany of plans for summer and the next week was extremely emotionally taxing, especially during my finals. Through it all she vowed that we could remain in contact and be friends, primarily because we both shared a close-knit friendgroup and we didn't want to make things awkward or make anybody isolate themselves. However, it came out a few weeks post-breakup that she'd been telling people I was being uncomfortably clingy by continuing to message her, and that she had a crush on my best friend throughout our relationship. Additionally, she'd said that she only picked me because she thought I'd give her my most undivided attention, implying that I was an option and a source of entertainment. She even urged a mutual friend to tell me to just get over it whilst also leaving me on opened for days at a time.
Following all these comments coming out in the wash, I decided to simply message her saying I am going to block her now and asking that she changes for the better - following which, I blocked her on all messaging platforms. Due to the nature of our friend group, I knew that hanging out with them would make it unavoidable that I'd have to be in her close proximity - her house is one of the most frequently used for get-togethers and parties, and she is the only one that's yet learned how to drive, so she's always driving people around to places. When even the sight of her messaging on our joint groupchat gave me feelings of sadness and anxiety, I decided to leave that one as well as to ensure no contact is ensured.
However, I'm now contending with the thought that my 'movie-esq' summer that I'd planned for myself will actually be one of solitude and misery. I'm by no means socially isolated, a few close friends still communicate with me and remind me that they're always there if I want company - I've also reignitied some friendships that I'd let fall to the wayside whilst I was focused on my relationship. But I'm getting quite a feeling of missing out when I know they're all hanging out whilst I'm at home, despite knowing it's probably best I try to give myself the time to live completely externally from her and find my own sources of happiness, through hobbies and stuff.
I'm not over her yet, she was my first love and consequently my first heartbreak. But it feels that I've lost both my girlfriend and my friends over the last couple of weeks, and I'm extremely worried that I'll end up back at square zero - a lonely shut-in who used alcohol and nicotine to try and make me feel happiness through the boredom and silence. And, if I do begin to reaclimate to the friendgroup knowing she'll be there, how do I act? Sure, I haven't left on particularly bad terms with her, but the things she'd been spreading around were extremely hurtful to hear.

When I (35f) was 14, my mom had my little sister. I was an accident, the child that “ruined” my mother’s life (aka ruining her chances at marrying rich and living her best life… her words paraphrased), but my sister was planned. My mom’s entire pregnancy was a nightmare. She was always abusive, but somehow being pregnant made her even worse.
The day they both came home from the hospital, it became my job to take care of my sister. As you can imagine, that went over super well with a teenage girl, but I did it.
Every day I’d come home from school to find my little sister still in her crib. Sometimes crying and needing a diaper change, while my mother laid in bed watching General Hospital and screaming at me to take care of my sister. Any time I pushed back, my mother would punish me. She refused to take care of my sister because my stepdad was the one who wanted a kid. He could take care of her once he got home, which wouldn’t be for hours. So I’d take care of my sister, cook dinner, and do the list of chores my mother demanded.
My first homecoming game? My parents showed up, my mom dumped my sister on me, so I (at 15) had to walk around carrying my infant sister while my mom got drunk and had the time of her life.
We’d go out to dinner, and I’d be on “baby duty”. So the servers would think she was my kid, and talk to me like I’m the mom. I’d angrily clarify that I’m 15 and this was my little sister, and my mom would laugh like it was hilarious.
The day I turned 16, my mom literally had me going out applying for jobs because I was old enough now. She wasn’t going to pay for me anymore. I had to take care of myself… which was hilarious since my dad was paying her child support. While we had been dirt poor when I was a kid, my stepdad makes a ridiculous amount of money. We were no longer living paycheck to paycheck, and living in a million dollar home.
At 16, I was taking multiple AP and honors courses, in the presidency of five different clubs, was a senior editor of the newspaper with several columns assigned to me, a member of the varsity debate team (also was a mentor to the novice team members, working 30+ hours a week, paying all my bills (car insurance, gas, clothes, food), and raising my little sister. All that time, my mother’s abuse got worse. Her drinking had steadily increased, and she became more violent.
A few days before my 18th birthday, I finally snapped. I left home. When I tried to go home a few days later to get my stuff, my mom attacked me and my friend who’d come with me. My friend and I both ended up escaping and running… technically I had to do a barrel roll as the garage door opened to escape… which shouldn’t be funny but I’m laughing right now thinking about how ridiculous it must have looked to anyone on the outside who had no idea what was happening.
Anyway, I ended up moving across the country to live with my dad, for my own safety and mental/physical health. I wanted to go no contact with my mom forever, but I couldn’t leave my little sister alone with her. I went back eventually for my sister, but things were the same with my mom. I left again for my own sanity and physical well being.
When my sister hit high school, my mom refused to get her a phone, so I put my sister on my plan. Made sure Uber was set up for her so that I’d pay if she needed a safe ride to get out of a bad situation. I took her school clothes shopping. Bought her exactly what she asked for every Christmas (something my mother purposefully refuses to do).
I’m the one who taught her how to be safe at parties, how to protect herself, and to look out for other girls. I had safe sex talks with her. Encouraged her to do well in school so that she could escape our mother too.
What killed me was getting the calls from her that mom was off the rails again. The police did nothing to protect me back when I was 17, almost 18. When CPS was called on my mom for my sister, several times, they did nothing also. Having a lot of money and being able to look like a stepford wife at the drop of a hat worked in my mom’s favor I guess. I personally believe she’s a narcissist, but I’ll probably never know for sure cause she’ll never get diagnosed.
When my sister turned 18 and graduated high school, she moved in with me and my fiancé that summer. She took a gap year, and we took care of her. Having escaped our mother myself, I knew she needed that space to heal. My fiancé and I joked to ourselves that we became parents to a grown teenager.
I drove her to college last summer, she just finished her first year. My little sis has been accepted and is transferring to her dream school this fall. I’m so proud of her.
To be honest, I’ve busted my ass since I turned 18, because I knew the day would come where my sister would turn 18, and she’d need a safe place to fall. I wanted to be in a good enough place to be able to provide that for her… and I did it. I got her out, and she’s thriving.
We’ve been planning a trip to go see our grandmothers this summer. My fiancé isn’t able to join us for the trip, since it’s going to be an extended visit and we can’t leave our cats alone/have his parents look out for them for that long.
One of my grandmothers called to tell me that my little sister was disappointed that he wasn’t going to be there, and that he feels more like a dad to her than her own father…. And honestly that broke my heart.
She’s joked with me before that I’m more like her mom than our actual mother. Honestly, it’s true. I feel like her mom, more than I feel like her sister. Sometimes I wish she was my kid. That we were her parents, because she’d have probably been better off. I told my fiancé about what my sister said and we both got emotional about it… and then pissed at my stepdad for being so god damn apathetic and my mom for being an abusive alcoholic narcissist… that woman wonders why I never call.
I’m looking forward to seeing my sister soon and giving her a big hug. Fiancé did joke that little sis is being dramatic because she’s still flying back to our house to stay with us for a week. Her Christmas/Birthday present for 2023+2024 were VIP/barricade concert tickets to see her favorite K-pop group. I saved up forever for them. It was just supposed to be for her and her friend as her Christmas/birthday present for 2023, but she insisted on it being for 2023 and 2024. I just like seeing her happy.