Oh how sad I am. I've been planning this escape for years. And now that I'm finally here, with one more night on my... not-really-a-bed, just a... mat-on-the-floor with blanket and pillows...
I sob. Sob and cry and wonder why I feel all this pain. I'm the one who wanted to escape. To live my life to the fullest. To do all the things I love. To draw and sing, to wear my hair down and bake, to make friends and wear cute dresses, to have cats and be with the man I love and oh gosh how lucky I am that he loves me dearly and wants the best for me. He and his mum supported me so so much. My friend too. They are my chosen family.
But... why am I feeling so horribly sad...? Its because I'll never see my parents or siblings again. I feel so bad for my mum because she allows people to use her and by that I mean she does everything for my grown ass siblings. And my extended family all use her a lot too.
About my mum.
Sadly, shes religious. Prays constantly. Always telling us to pray. Donates money to needy. Forced me to pay zakkah. Buys counters to constantly recite, it's like digital tasbeehs and stuff to use wherever without looking or counting. You just press and then you get your number on a screen. She takes care of her mum sometimes. Often cooks for her. She often watches her sisters kids because her sister, my aunt... is ever so social and kinda just expects my mum to baby sit them. My mum cooks almost every day. Usually every other day because my dad refuses to eat old food. And when I say cook I dont mean something easy like whip up a pasta. I mean dishes that take at least more than 2 hours to cook. Mind you though, hes a chef and does cook sometimes in the house. But since he works he expects mum to cook and honestly if I were a man, I'd want that too. To come home from work to good food. Anyway...
I have siblings. One of which is a piece of good for nothing shit. Uses and abuses mum psychologically. For real. It's so sad. And mum enables this shit because she believes it's not actually my siblings behaviour. It's apparently a ghost. My other siblings are not of legal age yet. I will miss them terribly. They... will have to grow up a lot. Mum does a lot for them. Cooking. Cleaning. Honestly, I dont cook because mum does it. Nor clean. I avoided being with mum and basically without realising it, did that rock technique with her. Where I basically diffuse the conversation and stuff because I hate talking about Islam and just avoid being around her and stuff. I forgot what the technique is actually called.
I love her. Even if I'm sure her love for me is conditional. I wish to keep contact with her. But I worry about her health. Diabetes and general pressure issues. If she dies, my dad wont be able to take care of my siblings. My dad will cook for them and teach them how to travel to school and stuff. But besides that, he wont know about their medical conditions or history, he cant speak much English just some. He is smart but also not really? It's weird.
Mg siblings and mum is who I worry for most. The two siblings who arent over 18 yet. I dont care for the other one because they ruined my life and became such a horrible person. I get some of it is mental health issues so they need help but I'm speaking very specifically of their character before all this began.
Anyway. I escape tomorrow. Today is technically my last day ever with my family. I do love them. I wish to text or call them from time to time but I do think a period of no contact may be necessary for both them and myself to kind of... let this choice I made sink in. I've bought games for my younger siblings where we can chat and hopefully they keep this private. I do believe that they may understand me when they reach a certain age and be more accepting than my parents.
In my letter, I'm not sure if I should say I left because I wanted to live my life or because "God guided me" and play that card. I'm semi atheist. Sometimes I believe in God and other times I dont. Right now km not really sure what I am so I say semi atheist. I will cry and cry and cry after I've made it to my partner. He and his mum will hold me close and tell me I'm safe and loved and deserve to choose the life I want. I have support. We are gonna do so many things together that we couldn't before!
I'm an artist. In so many ways. I had to hide my art with my family. With my partner, he wanted them all displayed. For Christmas, I drew portraits, more like fantasy portraits of him and his mum and his cat. They still have it displayed in their house. It warms my heart. I draw, sew, sculpt with clay, paint sometimes, do traditional pencils drawings with colour and without, digital art, pixel art for working on my game, make plushies and I plan to sew my own dresses, I like styling my hair although my hair is pretty damaged sadly, no not with heat products, more of just unhealthy hair. What else...? I just love making things with paper like water fall cards and spinning cards and pop up books. When I confessed to my partner, at the time he couldn't be with me because he wanted to make sure he was ready, I made him a well designed pop up book. It had stuff we liked, camping, gaming, sleeping, loads of pop up and sliding elements. Then on our 1st anniversary, I made him an explosion box. He was absolutely in shock as he opened it over Skype. I plan to make an even better gift for next time. For Christmas he attempted something similar, he is very creative too. He made me a book of himself. Like a little toy for my to hold around with funny comments and his cat kinda touring me through his weak knee joints Haha and his heart which loves me 100% and his little nose which if I boop, doesnt do anything, nor the the little mole he has on his face. All these drawings and details, I love it so much.
Why did I write all that... I'm trying to cope right now. I want encouragement. I'm scared. But I know I have to do this. I dont want to cry or be sad. I wanna be happy because I have this opportunity to run away move out and be free. I've saved and saved enough for at least a few years. But I'll be getting a job in the new country after I learn the language officially. By going to school to learn the language I'll keep myself occupied and busy. At my partners house we will be playing games ans cuddling and making Lego stuff and drawing and going for walks and watching films so I know I'll be happy.
I just also know I'll wonder how my family are and worry those thoughts will eat into my happy time. I dont know how to go about this.
Please... I wanna move out on happy terms. I deserve to live. To think 7 years ago I was going to take my life because I prayed constantly to God and he didnt seem to reply to it... and then I became an ex Muslim and found a new friend and then a another one of which who became my partner... I never would have believed if someone told me, hey in some years you'll move away from your family have a loving boyfriend and be free from religion. I'd have slapped them maybe and said shut up you liar. Get lost.
But here I am. I didnt take my life. I won. And I'm gonna win again tomorrow when I take that plane. I'm just sad about missing my family. Even if they were unpleasant at times. I still love them.
But I deserve to live my own life. I can do this. One more night on my not so very comfy floor bed.
Paper Blackstar
I will never post from this account again. For updates on my situation, possibly a tutorial of how I escape, please see my other account, The Paper Blackstar. It has one post saying that it's me, and in the comments a mod confirmed.

Hey guys,
I'm looking to create a gift for my GF, it would be a children's book about her cat being a bad hunter. Only 1 copy will be made.
I'm looking for an EU/UK based designer who can:

Help me find a printing service that can print out the book and send it over to me, most of them ask for 100+, but I just need 1.
Help me decide on the size of the book, it should be a nice gift, but not to big, not to small.
Within that book size in mind, help me form the digital version of the book. I already have the text, image ideas and photos of the cat in those positions. It should be around 16 pages (front, back + 14 pages in-between)
Work with me in checking how the finalized product looks once it is in my hands, if we need to fix anything etc.
The final delivery should be a .pdf version of the book for digital reading, and a .pdf for printing (or .ia I have no clue which tool does these things).

The book will contain:

1 main cat character, 1 supporting that will show up on two pages
house and garden backgrounds
smaller supporting characters that will show up once (mouse, duck, bird)
my gf who will show up once or twice

I'm looking for a silly character design. Example: https://mymodernmet.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/lingstov-cat-comics-22.jpeg
RE; price, I saw that the prices are hovering around $25 per page, but if you're amazing at what you do I don't mind being flexible regarding pricing. We can decide on the exact price after our discovery session.
To apply for the gig, kindly send me a PM with the following answers:
#1. Can you provide a turnkey solution, where you would guide me through the design and printing process? #2. A link to a children's book that you've made before. #3. What are your payment methods? #4. How do you prefer to communicate with me, mail, skype etc.

Low effort messages will be ignored, last time I asked for a designer I've gotten 150+ messages with AI bs.

AI written articles are a godsend for small business owners. They’re short, informative and usually free. However, like with everything else, AI has its drawbacks. It cannot generate 100% factually correct, engaging articles that are SEO friendly. Another thing it cannot do is post it to your website with formatting and images included.
I am here for that. I'll fix your AI generated articles, optimize them for search engines, and post them to your website – all for $25/hr. I can usually edit 1000 words an hour, to give you an idea of the cost.
I’m also a writer with 7+ years of experience, and my rates range from 7-12 cents/word.
WHAT I CAN WORK ON
I can work on just about anything. I usually don’t write essays, poetry and super technical articles, but editing those isn’t a problem.
COMMUNICATION CHANNELS
I can communicate through Reddit and email. I usually send files in .docx format, however, so email is preferred. I may require a phone call (via Skype, Zoom or Google Hangouts) before finalization.
RATES AND PAYMENT METHOD
My rates for editing and publishing range from $25-30/hr, and for writing they range from 6-12 cents per word. It all depends on how much work is involved, and how long-term the project is.
I accept payment through PayPal, credit cards, and direct bank transfers. I accept US dollars, and payment must be made upfront. Happy to send you an invoice if needed. I usually need recurring clients to sign a contract – this protects both you and me, and ensures there are no misunderstandings.
WRITING SAMPLES
Here are a couple:
https://cuddl.com/babies/what-should-my-baby-eat-age-by-age-guide-to-feeding-your-baby/
https://flewidfriendly.com/canada-plastic-ban-edible-straws/
https://springnaturals.com/blogs/dog-cat-nutrition-blog/the-link-between-shedding-and-your-pets-diet
https://mcgregorbenefits.com/individual-family-health-insurance/dental-insurance/
https://lakewashingtonwindows.com/windows/garden-windows/
https://faitaveccoeur.com/blogs/fait-avec-coeur-blog/plastic-usage-in-the-skincare-and-beauty-industry-all-you-need-to-know-for-sustainable-living
https://faitaveccoeur.com/blogs/fait-avec-coeur-blog/recycling-isn-t-the-solution-to-our-waste-problem
https://boise.social/
https://wormbucket.com/blogs/worm-composting-resources/how-to-harvest-worm-castings
https://hubpages.com/health/Phobias-what-how-why
https://www.initiatelift.com/digital-detox-for-business-owners/

I just wanted to vent I guess. I’ve been depressed and heartbroken for over a year now and it’s been slowly killing me.
Some background: her and I met on a dating app sometime in 2019. We were both going through our own respective divorces and we both share similar feelings and we bonded very quickly. It’s crazy to me that it’s been almost 5 years…it just feels like it was yesterday, but maybe that’s just how fresh these feelings still are to me. I often feel nostalgic for those days when I’d go to her house. Everything just felt so real. It’s so bad, this nostalgia, that I even bought a car that’s the same make and model that I had back when I was in that time period. Everything seemed so much better then. The car rides to her house, hanging out with her, watching The Good Place together, sleeping in her bed. The feelings were just so much more intense then and I haven’t ever felt the same type of feeling towards anyone since.
We dated for a few months in 2019-2020. She moved in with me. Sold her house to be with me. Like I said, it only lasted a few months. The first time we broke up, it was over something stupid and I regret that we broke up. She moved out and found an apartment, while I stayed with a friend for a few days. Afterwards, we went our separate ways. We both found other people, but no one could ever fill the void that she could. There’s no one I ever met that made me feel the same way she could. We were apart for about a year..Then I messaged her out of the blue, telling her how much I missed her and asked to meet up. She said she felt similar, so we met up for breakfast and discussed getting back together. We did get back together and this was in May/June 2021. I was so happy. It felt like I was living in a dream world. The love of my life came back to me. She moved back in with me. I helped her move out of her apartment about 45 minutes away to my house again.
It didn’t take long before I proposed to her. It was in my kitchen one morning. Some may not consider it romantic, but I thought it was. I think it was just the gesture. I was so in love with her that I couldn’t wait to make her my wife and I HAD to propose to her ASAP. She said yes. We got married in October of 2021 in a cabin in a state park a few hours drive from our house. It was just us, because that’s all we needed. We exchanged our own custom vows that day. Neither of us believe in a god, but I felt like if there was, we were swearing our allegiance in front of god to be together forever, no matter what. After we got married, I still felt like the happiest man alive. The love of my life loved me back and that’s all I ever wanted.
The next year seemed pretty normal for being a married couple. We had it all in my mind. We had the job, had the cat and the dog, had the job and the cars. But, Something went wrong over the next year. I must have become complacent.. stopped paying attention to her needs as much as I should have. I didn’t pay attention to the signs that she was unhappy. She told me she wanted a divorce in January/February 2023. I was shattered. She said it’s too late for counseling or reconciliation and she just wanted out. She lived in my house for a few weeks until she could find a new apartment and move out. In that time I did something I shouldn’t have and snooped on her Apple Watch, where I found she was on Tinder and talking to multiple other men. When I found it, I wanted to vomit. I’m not sure what felt worse, her asking for a divorce with no reconciliation possible, or the fact she had already moved on and was wanting to see other people without even having moved out of our home.. I know women often move on from relationships months before they ask to break up, but it was still extremely difficult to process. When I found those texts between her and other men, I had to leave my house and go for a walk while having a panic attack. It was like 2 am. I called a friend and vented to him about it.
I became bitter. I never lashed out towards her but I did let her know I knew about her talking to other men. It just hurts I guess. It seems so callous that she’d just move on so quickly and leave me behind when we had so many amazing times together. We were each other’s rock. I helped her through hard times. I was there for her when she needed me. She was there for me. Then she threw it away and just seemed so uncaring. That’s the worst feeling for me. It’s the uncaring attitude. How can someone who was so in love go to being a stranger so quickly?
Our divorce was final in April 2023. During the divorce proceedings, it was over Skype. I was at my attorney’s office and she was at her new apartment. She just knitted throughout the whole process and it just seemed so cold. I can say it enough but that’s the worst part. Just how fast she went from being lovers who would do anything for each other to being distant strangers. Like she wouldn’t care if I died that day. In a way, a part of me did.
Since then, I’ve tried moving on. I did therapy. I’ve dated other people, unsuccessfully. No one can just capture the same feelings she could. The worst thing is, I’d NEVER take her back. Not after all that happened. I don’t even feel anger anymore. We recently made contact because my tax person had her bank account as the default account for my taxes so she received my return and got my federal taxes withdrawn from her account. We had to coordinate paying each other back for it. She wished me well, and I wished her well. I truly meant it. I hope she is doing well.
Now, I cry a lot. I drink a bottle of whiskey every other day. I drink to forget. I drink until I can’t remember anything. I know it will kill me someday and a part of me welcomes that. I don’t want to be alive anymore but I won’t kill myself because there are other people in my life that rely on me being around. I’m just living a hollow existence until one day I’m too sick to continue. I plan on offing myself when it gets to that point. Being sick like that is no way to live in my opinion. I mean, I’m relatively healthy now and I’m barely feeling alive. I can’t imagine how it will be when I’m sick.
Oh, I really have tried everything. Therapy, self help books, talking to friends and family, meeting new people, etc. Nothing will fill this void she left.
That’s all I guess. If you made it this far thank you for reading.

Reader-friendly is search engine friendly. Gone are the days when stuffing keywords made your blog rank up in search engines. Now, it’s all about catering to your audience (and having some well-placed keywords throughout). Sure, AI can do that (kinda), but can it make shit up with no factual backing and make it sound like facts? Also yes!
If you’re looking for a writer who knows her stuff and will write well-researched, factually correct and engaging articles for your website, let’s talk. I’ve been writing professionally for over 8 years. I’m familiar with a variety of SEO techniques, and have helped a client climb to the first page of Google’s results within 3 months.
WHAT I WRITE

Blog posts
Articles
Website copy
Press releases
Fiction (various genres and formats)
Others on a case-by-case basis (just ask)

I also undertake editing and proofreading projects. So if you want your articles and website copy edited for errors, readability, or to add in some keywords, that’s something I can help with as well. I usually charge by the hour for all forms of editing (copy, content, proofreading), and I can copy-edit approx. 1000 words per hour.
Some things I don’t write include: anything about crypto, legal stuff, tech stuff, essays, poems, and disturbing erotica (think shock sites). Most other things are fair game.
COMMUNICATION CHANNELS
I can communicate through Reddit and email. I usually send files in .docx format, however, so email is preferred. I may require a phone call (via Skype, Zoom or Google Hangouts) before finalization.
PAYMENT METHOD AND SOP
I can accept payment through PayPal or credit cards. I accept multiple currencies, but prefer US $. Payment must be made upfront. Due to several unfortunate experiences in the past, I’ll require a contract to be signed – which will protect both you and me.
ARTICLES WRITTEN BY ME
Here are a couple:
https://cuddl.com/babies/what-should-my-baby-eat-age-by-age-guide-to-feeding-your-baby/
https://flewidfriendly.com/canada-plastic-ban-edible-straws/
https://springnaturals.com/blogs/dog-cat-nutrition-blog/the-link-between-shedding-and-your-pets-diet
https://mcgregorbenefits.com/individual-family-health-insurance/dental-insurance/
https://lakewashingtonwindows.com/windows/garden-windows/
https://faitaveccoeur.com/blogs/fait-avec-coeur-blog/plastic-usage-in-the-skincare-and-beauty-industry-all-you-need-to-know-for-sustainable-living
https://faitaveccoeur.com/blogs/fait-avec-coeur-blog/recycling-isn-t-the-solution-to-our-waste-problem
https://boise.social/
https://wormbucket.com/blogs/worm-composting-resources/how-to-harvest-worm-castings
https://hubpages.com/health/Phobias-what-how-why
https://www.initiatelift.com/digital-detox-for-business-owners/
Fiction samples can be provided on request.
MY RATES
…range from 7 to 12 cents a word, with a bit of wiggle room for easy projects. It’ll depend on the subject matter, article length, research required, and several other factors.

Reader-friendly is search engine friendly. Gone are the days when stuffing keywords made your blog rank up in search engines. Now, it’s all about catering to your audience (and having some well-placed keywords throughout). Sure, AI can do that (kinda), but can it make shit up with no factual backing and make it sound like facts? Also yes!
If you’re looking for a writer who knows her stuff and will write well-researched, factually correct and engaging articles for your website, let’s talk. I’ve been writing professionally for over 8 years. I’m familiar with a variety of SEO techniques, and have helped a client climb to the first page of Google’s results within 3 months.
WHAT I WRITE

Blog posts
Articles
Website copy
Press releases
Fiction (various genres and formats)
Others on a case-by-case basis (just ask)

I also undertake editing and proofreading projects. So if you want your articles and website copy edited for errors, readability, or to add in some keywords, that’s something I can help with as well. I usually charge by the hour for all forms of editing (copy, content, proofreading), and I can copy-edit approx. 1000 words per hour.
Some things I don’t write include: anything about crypto, legal stuff, tech stuff, essays, poems, and disturbing erotica (think shock sites). Most other things are fair game.
COMMUNICATION CHANNELS
I can communicate through Reddit and email. I usually send files in .docx format, however, so email is preferred. I may require a phone call (via Skype, Zoom or Google Hangouts) before finalization.
PAYMENT METHOD AND SOP
I can accept payment through PayPal or credit cards. I accept multiple currencies, but prefer US $. Payment must be made upfront. Due to several unfortunate experiences in the past, I’ll require a contract to be signed – which will protect both you and me.
ARTICLES WRITTEN BY ME
Here are a couple:
https://cuddl.com/babies/what-should-my-baby-eat-age-by-age-guide-to-feeding-your-baby/
https://flewidfriendly.com/canada-plastic-ban-edible-straws/
https://springnaturals.com/blogs/dog-cat-nutrition-blog/the-link-between-shedding-and-your-pets-diet
https://mcgregorbenefits.com/individual-family-health-insurance/dental-insurance/
https://lakewashingtonwindows.com/windows/garden-windows/
https://faitaveccoeur.com/blogs/fait-avec-coeur-blog/plastic-usage-in-the-skincare-and-beauty-industry-all-you-need-to-know-for-sustainable-living
https://faitaveccoeur.com/blogs/fait-avec-coeur-blog/recycling-isn-t-the-solution-to-our-waste-problem
https://boise.social/
https://wormbucket.com/blogs/worm-composting-resources/how-to-harvest-worm-castings
https://hubpages.com/health/Phobias-what-how-why
https://www.initiatelift.com/digital-detox-for-business-owners/
Fiction samples can be provided on request.
MY RATES
…range from 7 to 12 cents a word, with a bit of wiggle room for easy projects. It’ll depend on the subject matter, article length, research required, and several other factors.

Intro:
10 years.
This month marks a decade since I've been in IT. I thought I'd share my experience between starting out as a student employee for my K-12 school to a cloud security architect for a global consulting and service provider.
I'd also like to share my personal background and hobbies to keep it more casual and real than too formal (and how some of it comes full circle later on if you're interested enough to read). If you want to jump straight into the career part, skip to the header titled, Help Desk (Age 18/19, No pay).
TLDR: I wrote this post to elaborate on my own personal and professional experience and self-discovery; my decade-long and counting journey in IT / Security, what drew me into infosec, lessons learned, and how I'm bettering myself as a person and professional within the community.

Bio / What Got Me Into InfoSec:
'90s kid, born and raised by divorced parents in Middle America surrounded by farmland and ditches that stretch for 50 miles in every direction until the nearest city / town. When I was a kid, my passion was video games and music, more specifically, metal. Both of these were my escape from the angry, frustrating childhood I experienced rooted from my parents' divorce. They still are my passions, but as a kid, I lived, breathed, and bled video games.
In my youth, it was Crash Bandicoot, Spyro, Tekken, Resident Evil, and Metal Gear Solid on the PS1, and Commandos on the PC. Youth to teenager, it was Max Payne, Hitman, Splinter Cell, Grand Theft Auto, Manhunt, The Warriors, Call of Duty, professional wrestling games, the list goes on, on the PS2.
I was very indecisive on what I wanted to do when I grew up. In middle school, I thought survival teacher. In junior high, I thought American military history teacher. In high school, I thought psychology. In college, I thought military. During the first 1.5 years in college, I changed my major probably 5 times on paper and 8 times in my head.
Over the years, I've learned two things:
1.) Call me crazy, but I believe I enjoyed these video games because there are many threat modeling aspects to them all, especially on the offensive side like Hitman, Splinter Cell, and Metal Gear Solid. You have objectives, you assess the situation you're given, and you have to figure out how to bypass / eliminate these threats in your way.
2.) Many, many, many people in infosec come from all backgrounds. Business, law, medicine, literature, music, zoology, etc. Just because a person didn't get a degree in business / tech / cyber doesn't mean they don't know anything about IT / cyber. Experience is what matters, and everyone needs to start somewhere. After all, the education system is broken and doesn't prep anyone for the real world.
--------------------------------------------
10-Year Career Path:

Help Desk @ K-12 School (Age 18-19, No pay):
I was 18-19 when I started out in help desk. It was an elective in high school that was practically a study hall. Myself and another kid were in the Director of Technology's office. We would help him if he needed a hand with something or answer the phone, troubleshoot, etc. for staff when he was away, which was often. He did everything from helping Betty plug her VGA cable into her monitor so her "computer was no longer black" anymore to the entire IT budget for the K-12 school system. It was mainly assisting with answering the phone, troubleshooting a smart board, set up MacBooks and iPad racks for the elementary and middle school, and run wire for surveillance cameras.
Lessons Learned:
None. I was too stupid at this age. All I cared about in my late teenage years were girls, my car, and my drum set. I had an '88 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme.

Asset Protection @ Grocery Store (Age 20, $11/hr):
My primary job during my high school and early college days was working at a grocery store. My grocery store was looking for an asset protection / loss prevention associate. Semi-jokingly, I applied, got 2 interviews, and was accepted. I say "semi-jokingly" because I truly never understood what that job was. All I knew was I got to walk around dressed normally without having a supervisor on my ass, or so it seemed. I was 20 and way too stupid to realize what I was diving into.
Asset protection / loss prevention is essentially physical security; monitor, detect, and prevent financial loss via fraud and theft from both employees (internal) and customers (external). For this role, there were mandatory classes that were held for a week or two about laws, store policies, self-defense, etc.; essentially a watered down criminal justice course.
There was so much thrown at me within the 6 months I had that role. I experienced coworkers bend the rules and attempt to apprehend thieves aggressively, chasing them in the parking lot, ripping their handbag off their shoulders with stolen merchandise in it, calling 911 multiple times a day to report theft, burning CDs with surveillance footage for local police and evidence for ongoing investigations, getting yelled at by meth head customers, investigating an incident on Thanksgiving Night where a traveling construction contractor lost his wallet at the store's gas station, which ended up being stolen by one of the employees who later quit, accidentally setting the fire alarm in the store off, quickly running to a fire in the deli department (different day) ensuring everyone was safe (they were), etc.
In my small, farm town, I caught one person - an old lady stealing cat food and other misc. items off the shelf who was caught doing it elsewhere in the region in the past. It was ~ $40 worth of items, and apparently enough for the cop that I called to arrest her right then and there in the security office, and I had to escort the cop with her in cuffs out to his patrol car.
It was a role I never anticipated being in, especially at an age where I couldn't even legally drink alcohol yet, but I learned a lot from it. Part of me was proud that I caught my first and only person because the on-the-job (OTJ) training quota was apprehending like 10 people within the first 6 months, which is what ultimately led to me switching departments versus just being released. But in hindsight, I really felt bad for the lady. No one knows what her life circumstances were, what issues she was battling, etc. But it was my job. Due to my "poor results" per the OJT quota, I switched departments before applying and getting accepted for a student employee position in the IT department at the college I was attending. My friend was already an employee there, and he helped me with the employment opportunity.
Lessons Learned:
Adaptation. Mentally, this job was a learning curve and noticeable pivot for me in my work ethic, attitude, hunger for knowledge, general curiosity, and tenacity. There was so much thrown at me, my brain couldn't wrap around all of it. It was a mental shift where I gained fuel for tenacity and adapted to the mentality, 'I don't care what I have to do to get the job done, so long as I know what I'm doing'. I'm glad I experienced it, but don't miss it whatsoever. I liked the idea of potentially having a career in safety, so much so that I ended up having a phone interview with a safety manager who worked at the state level just asking about his career, why he likes it, what his path was, etc. But for this role? $11/hr wasn't enough for me to potentially get my ass beat or shot by an unhinged person on a random Tuesday.

Help Desk / Desktop Support @ College / University: (Age 20-22, Min. wage):
Despite moving to another help desk role, I still didn't know what career I wanted. This was one of the best jobs I've ever had. I was part of a fantastic small team of network / sysadmins who really threw us into the frying pan with hands-on experience, which will always be the best way to learn. It builds self-discovery and soft skills.
I didn't know what a T-568B or what an RJ-45 plug was. I patched my first cable, redid the entire cable management and desktop / workstation setups in classrooms and conference rooms, ran wire through the ceilings, set up IP cameras, troubleshot with users via controlling their screen through System Center Configuration Manager (SCCM), now known as Microsoft Endpoint Configuration Manager, printers, degaussing hard drives, physically destroying them, re-imaged devices, etc.
When I got my Associate's, I transferred to a university to pursue for my bachelor's. But before I transferred, I learned that the college's Chief Technology Officer (CTO) was an information security guru. Didn't know anything about information security, but the terminology fascinated me.
Access control, risk management, firewall, vulnerability management, etc.
For some reason, I thought Security was all coding. I was absolutely 100% clueless, and was evidently unaware I had already done Security (the asset protection role).
Before I continued my post-secondary journey at the university, I found the Desktop Support Manager of the university's email, sent him an email directly with my résumé, and asked if he offered / needed student employees to help. He replied a week or so later asking for an interview, which I got and was accepted immediately, essentially doing the same thing but on a much larger scale. Instead of 5 IT people, there were around 200, all scattered within different departments, i.e. Helpdesk, Desktop Support, Security, Enterprise Applications, Database, college / building support, etc.
Told my new manager about my interest in Security, in which he put word out for me to the Chief Information Security Officer (CISO) of the university for a potential internship opportunity. I had an interview with him a few weeks later on Friday, October 21st, 2016 at 10am in his office. He was happy to move me into Security starting Monday.
Right place, right time.
Lessons Learned:
Google. Oh my God, people, GOOGLE IT. This is one of, if not, THEE most universal example everyone should understand. One of the questions the director and sysadmins asked me in my job interview was, "What do you do when you don't know the answer to something?" My response was, "Ask someone else." "What if no one else is available?" "...Google?" "Yep. Correct." Even if someone was nearby and you knew they have the answer, still attempt to find out yourself. Resist relying on others. Obviously not all the time since it's not always possible, but prohibit yourself from always having someone fetch information for you when you can simply Google the answer or try accessing what you have access to, to find what you're looking for first before relying on others.
Under promise, over deliver. Tell a customer you can fix their issue in 5 days and it takes you 5 hours, you're a hero. Tell a customer you can fix their issue in 5 hours and it takes you 5 days, you provided a bad service, even if the end result was exactly what they wanted. Bottom line is you promised 5 hours, and it took you 5 days. Word on bad experiences aka reputation gets around quicker than good experiences. Think before you say. Soft skill 101.
Orange-white, orange, green-white, blue, blue-white, green, brown-white, brown. Networking 101.
I truly believe if you want to work in IT, whether it's Security or not, Helpdesk is the absolute most best place to start. You learn the basics, you learn the people skills and soft skills, which can take your career to an incredible distance.

Security Intern @ University (Age 22-24, Min. wage):
During the interview with the CISO, he asked me what made me interested in security. I responded exactly what I said above. "Honestly, I don't know anything about it, but the terminology fascinates me." He took that as a positive in that I was simply curious.
The CISO was also a lawyer, which was another shift in my curiosity. It made me wonder, "Why is a lawyer working in cybersecurity? I thought you went to law school to work at a law firm or self-practice." I thought it was a stupid question, so I kept it to myself, but answered it on my own the next ~ 2-3 months of being there - HIPAA, SOX, GDPR, etc. Where, how, and why the law intertwines with technology alone was / is still super fascinating enough for me to say, "This is definitely what I want my career to be."
Helpdesk / Desktop Support and Security are apples and oranges in terms of permissions and rights. As a result, I didn't have anything to do at least 80% of the time I was employed there, but did the grunt work, i.e. Excel, setting up devices in the "lab", deploying hardware to a separate campus, etc. The crew was awesome in that they were no nonsense, sarcastic people, annoyed with end users, and were passionate about what they did. I fit right in with these guys.
I would do a couple tasks and be done for the day unless they needed me to do some grunt work in Excel. Those tasks were to enter tickets for what we called the "Top 10". The Top 10 were the top ten devices that had the highest risk score passed a certain threshold that day. I would enter a ticket to order the asset owner(s) to remediate the vulnerabilities on the device.
I would also handle copyright infringement. We would get an email from a production studio company like Paramount Pictures, telling us someone on our network with X IP address on Y date / time was illegally downloading / streaming content they didn't pay for. Via Splunk queries, I was able to map the identity of the details of that user given in the email, document what they watched, when they watched it, on what device they watched it on, etc., and submit the form to the Office of Student Conduct & Community Standards (OSC&CS). Essentially, it was a slap on the wrist to them more than anything, but damn, did that power feel good for Lil 22 year-old me.
Through my colleagues outside of work and school, I was starting to attend the following local security conferences - Information Systems Security Association (ISSA), Information Systems & Audit Control Association (ISACA), and InfraGard. ISSA is generally everything security. ISACA is mainly geared towards auditing and security. InfraGard is an organization partnered with the FBI mainly focused on U.S. critical infrastructure.
Then came 2017; one of the worst documented years in cyber history, mainly due to WannaCry. Quantitatively speaking, we didn't get hit hard. Qualitatively, we got hit so hard, it was only worse than the Equifax breach because human safety was at risk. All because of a ransomware attack. Luckily no one actually died, but holy shit, what madness this field can be. That was my one and only shit-hit-the-fan moment in this field where it was a true positive, and luckily I was only an intern, so I didn't have any accountability / stress of rem, but I got a taste of the real cyber world with the best seats in the house; front-row, center.
One of the architects retired from the university to go work elsewhere as an analyst. That company was offering an IT internship. Through his word and my application, I got an interview and was accepted.
Lessons Learned:
Networking. If your colleagues have positive things to say about a specific person whether it's work ethic, great character, both, etc., get to know them. You could not only learn from them, but chatting with them can build yourself a connection.
This business changes every 2 minutes. It really is cyber police. Most of the time, the work can be boring until the short-lived adrenaline rush from a potential incident kicks in. Even now, every week I see a company that was hacked or a global tech giant that was fined for violating laws.
Cover Your Ass (CYA). Document. Everything. Seriously.
For the love of God, don't use Windows XP devices for crucial operations, i.e. providing gas to hospital patients who literally rely on those to live.

IT Internship @ Agriculture Company (Age 24, $18/hr):
I had two roles with this job. I was originally put in with project management to handle metrics and status updates on SAP tickets and defects. This was the worst role I ever had. Not only did the 50, 60-year old PM want me understand her god awful paralysis-by-analysis Excel spreadsheet, but I never understood nor learned a thing, and she wanted me to contact everyone physically (not via Skype chat) who needed to provide updates so she can update her slide deck.
I was already a disgruntled dude who doesn't want to be bothered and who knows what it's like when a random stranger, especially an intern, approaches you with a clipboard, nagging at you for input. She wanted me to do this every Monday, and I ignored the physical approach. I would message them on Skype, so I'm not bothering them and that they don't feel micromanaged. Plus, I didn't want to be known as "that guy".
She disagreed with me and was upset that I didn't physically approach with them, and the task eventually was handled by the other intern who was hired; who, by the way, kept talking about how he missed his ex-girlfriend so much and that he wanted to show up at her house with roses wearing a tuxedo begging for her back. I'm sitting there in there in my head like, "Dude. I have to test the configuration and utilization of this software. Can I go back to testing while listening to the OST of Hitman: Contracts?"
So I asked for other work around the office and ended up assisting with the identity & access management (IAM) and governance, risk, & compliance (GRC) teams. It was a little bit of Security and a little bit of internal audit. They were in the midst of migrating to ServiceNow, to which I was selected to perform some security and software assessment and testing on. That was okay, but it definitely beat being the lame PM henchman.
I was finishing the last course for my Bachelor's that season and was hunting for my first full-time job. I was accepted for a position as a Support Specialist at a small bank in my hometown, which so happened to be the first IT role in that town for probably several years.
Lessons Learned:
More networking. This was only a summer internship, so I wasn't here long. But in my short time of being here, I met A LOT of people; most of which I met just by scheduling 1:1 meetings with to learn about their background and how they got to where they were. That's a potential hack for interns: If you want to network, but just don't know where to start, try scheduling 1-on-1 meetings with individuals you're interested in learning about. You learn a lot about their personal and professional background, depending how open you are. It builds connections, potential friendships, and overall networking. Someday, that person you met through a simple 1:1 meeting could get you in at another job.

IT Support @ Small Bank (Age 24, $41k/yr):
Part of me wants to backtrack and say this was the worst job I had, but I actually learned from this job. Mainly what not to do. I was provided the opposite of my lessons learned from the help desk days. I was over-promised and under-delivered and unappreciated. I was promised free training during the interview, but it was never brought up again after that day. I was promised to learn more networking / communication aspects, but was never offered a task. I sat there for 2 months doing nothing.
Everyone who worked there was nice personally, but their work ethic sucked. One guy had been there since the late 70s and was disgruntled and tired, and said, "I hate this place" every day. And he was my favorite of the bunch. The late 50s / early 60-year old I shared an office with kept falling asleep on the job and was on his phone constantly. This guy was also the father of my high school prom date (lol). The one and only helpdesk admin would walk to work from his house and immediately FaceTime with his wife and kids when he sat in his cubicle behind me. My direct supervisor lived an hour away and wouldn't come in until 10-10:30, be on the phone all day bullshitting with people (rarely anything work related) and would be on the toilet somewhere between 3:30 and 4, and be there past 5. This was also the guy who had hired me, promised me training, and didn't teach me anything because he wanted to be the "hero" to come in and save the day and not pass any knowledge to me. Without a shadow of a doubt, the worst boss I ever had.
I did get permission from him to start building and developing security policies, guidelines, standards, baselines, etc. That was fun, but it was all for nothing when I found out that none of them were even reviewed and completely fell off the radar. I think he just had me literally do something to make myself seem useful. Yet, I'm his employee, so I should be his shadow, but guess not.
I also provided new Dell workstations to users and developed an entire re-imaging / validation process from acquiring the old device and providing them with the new. I came in at 5am during the week for a couple weeks and sometimes on Sunday mornings to catch up where I left off. It was a big ask, and I wanted to prove myself. My direct supervisor didn't care at all, and all the Chief Information Officer (CIO) said was, "Good" and walked away. It was right there that I knew I was worth way more than this.
The CIO, who was also the Chief Operations Officer (COO), once engaged me and said their helpdesk admin cannot be trusted. The CIO and helpdesk administrator have nearly come fisticuffs and on more than just one occasion during the 6 months I was there. And that wasn't even the worst part about this role.
Christmas Eve was my very last day. My supervisor asked if I stay at the office until he was there. He didn't get there until 2-3pm. He cornered me and asked me for my password. He claimed that he needed my credentials so that he can use my account to have full control on other users' access from when I went about creating images for people's devices. I wasn't entirely understanding how that was possible and given that it was my last day, I caved in pretty easily and wrote it down for him.
Immediately, hindsight kicked in, and I was pretty pissed at myself. To this day, I still look back on that and wonder why the hell I didn't bother laughing at his face and ignored him. But I had nothing against the people there personally, I just knew I'd never go back there even if they offered me $250k/yr.
The last thing I did was deploy more Dell devices by driving a van full of equipment 2.5 hours away to their mortgage / loan branch and set up workstations there, which was a multi-day process. It was nice to stay at a random hotel and get out of that hellhole for a short period of time.
I knew a guy who I used to work with who had an executive role for a business services company. He had passed my résumé onto HR, and I eventually was reached out to, got an interview, and accepted for a consulting role in Security.
Funny enough, when I told the bank's CIO I was quitting to go work for a consulting company elsewhere that's paying me $17k more for work I actually want to do, he was unsupportive of my decision and said, "It will chew me up and spit me out" and that he could've "easily" seen me being the CISO of that bank.
So consulting will chew me up and spit me out, yet I can easily be envisioned as a CISO. As someone who hadn't been a consultant yet nor a CISO, I was baffled by this statement, but essentially said it's my own decision, and I'll take my chances.
Lessons Learned:
What not to do. There was the bad, and there was the ugly. Notice I didn't mention good because, well...there wasn't any.

Security Analyst to Cloud Security Architect @ Global Consulting & Service Provider (Age 24 - Present; $58k/yr - $118k/yr 4.5 years later):
I wouldn't say this was a new life chapter, but a new whole book. This was the real deal. A full-time role in a city, 2+ hours away from home, finally living on my own for the first time in my life. These were the bachelor years. I feel I owed the guy who put word in for me for this new role and growth opportunity. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't have this. I got a mediocre apartment in a central spot located within city limits, with everything from the home office, to groceries, to downtown, to the airport, all within 20 minutes or less from me.
Every new hire for this company is essentially trained from the get-go to be a consultant, despite that not being everyone's role. It was standard protocol. There were about 20 new hires with me. During onboarding, we took a consulting course that really challenged me as it wasn't anything I experienced before. Every time someone said, "scope", I would just think of a Leupold rifle scope.
After onboarding, there was the 2-week mandatory training, which was essentially more consulting-oriented classes. This took place in a major city along the west coast where we were there for 2 weeks practically for free. Just the idea of being over 2,500 miles away from home was one of the biggest breaths of fresh air I've ever experienced. We took classes for 8 hours, we explored the city on the weekends, and even hiked up a mountain as a group activity.
That mountain hike was actually an interesting demonstration of team work. Our team lead purposely put this together, so that he could also visually point at who was marching ahead, who stayed back to help others, who was checking in, etc. There was no right or wrong, any expectation, it was nothing more or less than an observation to him, and to ourselves.
Training and fun is over, now we get into the heart of it. I'm immediately put on a project within my new home city with a bank. Then a manufacturing company. Then a hospital. All of these were short-term engagements where we were selling them Microsoft solutions. This was Intune and Defender - back when it was known as Advanced Threat Protection (ATP).
I was then on the bench for about 4 months. "The Bench" is a consulting term, or so I think. I didn't know anything about being on the bench, what it meant, how it could impact me, etc. Being on the bench is generally not a good thing because it means you're not chargeable to another client aka you're not billing time towards a client. Being on the bench, at least to this company, means you're expected to keep applying to other roles so you can get staffed, but until then, take training and get a new certification every 2 weeks. As someone who is a terrible test taker, this made my heart sink. The training and certifications are free regardless of the outcome, but passing a whole new test every 2 weeks is insane. Luckily, I was able to get a fundamentals certification that I believe saved me from getting fired. In hindsight, it does make sense. Executives are going to eventually wonder why they're paying me $60k/yr if I haven't been staffed to a client.
During bench time, I was finally staffed to a Managed Security Services (MSS) team of about 12-13 people (now we're at 40+). We were a small group of shared resources where all of us were staffed to multiple clients simultaneously. So we had the same managers and resources on multiple projects. This was nice for two reasons.
1.) If you're staffed to 4 projects and released from 1, you're still staffed to 3, so you're not on the bench. In other words, you remain chargeable.
2.) More clients means more tools and technologies to learn and play with, which means more experience, which means growth.
In the last 5 years, I've worked with clients in aerospace & defense, government, banking, manufacturing, and medical industries. I've worked with cloud & infrastructure security, cyber defense, data protection, and elements within, i.e. security information & event management (SIEM), endpoint detection & response (EDR), data loss prevention (DLP), file integrity monitoring (FIM), threat & vulnerability management (TVM), identity & access management (IAM), and governance, risk, & compliance (GRC). On the business service side, I helped facilitate a 24x7 business model for our remote security operations center (SOC) team. I trained and still train analysts on all shifts with different tools for different clients helping them navigate and utilize specific tools and how to apply it to our incident response plan (IRP) for that client.
Between then and now, I was promoted 3 more times. What helped was me positioning myself to being the backup for every subject matter expert (SME) I worked with. I didn't know the tool as much as the SMEs did, but I did know enough to know what it does, its purpose, and the alerting (if any), monitoring, and reporting (if any) aspects of that tool. I would say this is a key point if you want to be an architect. You don't need to know everything at a granular level, but you do need to know the basics of the what, where, when, and how. What is setup, where is it located, when does it do its purposeful actions, and how.
This isn't something that can be learned in a short period of time. A lot of grunt work, a lot of tedious tasks, and a lot of red tape, especially when your clients are in the public sector. The worst thing I ever experienced in this role was working with another team for a government client that made me work on an Excel spreadsheet with 25-30 tabs, VLOOKUPs everywhere, 15-20 pivot tables, and the output of all this was their threat & vulnerability management (TVM) metrics. I wish I was exaggerating when I said this, but it took me from 6am - 10pm (16 hours, not a typo) to start and finish this sheet. 50% because it was confusing, 50% because my laptop couldn't handle the size of this file. Finally 10pm hits, only to be told the real thing was already submitted and that this was "just a practice round". Oh, and this was also during a July where my A/C wasn't working nor my apartment complex was taking an effort to fix.
That was one of many inconvenient work tasks I've had, and there are countless I've had in the last 5 years, but that was easily the worst by far. What kept me with this team was the support group that came with it. These guys are nice personally and some of their work ethic has a coasting feel to it because they've been doing this longer than me. However, a work / life balance is perfected with this team, and that is really what matters to me. Some clients can be hell, but that's what a supportive team is for. Some clients can be hell, but in the end, you're going to come out with something you didn't have before.
Lessons Learned:
Identify, plan, execute, evaluate, adjust, and repeat. When this process becomes second nature, any goal becomes achievable. It's funny how this job works. If you break down infosec concepts, they apply to life like math where you do it almost every day but don't realize it.
There's certainly way more, but I found the above lesson to be the most important truthfully.
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Present Day:
On the professional side, my current role is a Technical & Compliance Lead for a client with an Azure GCC High environment. It's stressful, but being a jack-of-all-trades, I'm learning many valuable skills I can carry with me elsewhere. I'm also studying for the Certified Information Systems Security Professional (CISSP).
On the personal side, I have a girlfriend, I'm almost 30, and have really counted my blessings in the last year or two. I'm incredibly fortunate and lucky to have had the experience I've had in this field and the people I have in my life to this day. What's changed between then and now is an increased chance of burnout.
Burnout is real as fuck. Mental health is enormous and why a work / life balance is crucial for me. I was burnt out for a while until I discovered a game called Deep Rock Galactic - easily one of the best co-op games I've ever experienced. It's enough for me to unplug and reset my mental capacity. And hey, there's threat modeling concepts within it. :) I'm also interested in audio and sound design. This is a hobby of mine that tremendously helps with burnout. Also, walking. Taking daily walks is one of my favorite activities because I get to go outside, stretch, get the body mechanics in motion, and just think clearly to myself. It's almost like my meditation.
In my early to mid 20s, I was all about the work because it was all I really had. I was on the grind with commuting to college, doing homework, and finding roles to gain experience. Now that my 20s are closing up shop, I'm focused on my life now and what life is going to be like 30 years from now.
Who do I want in my life? Who do I want to exclude in my life? Where am I in life? Where do I want to end up in life? What life goals have I accomplished? What other life goals do I want to accomplish?
These are questions I now ask myself every day that can apply to a lot of general life concepts. Ultimately, it all boils down to what you value.
My Lessons to You:
Google. Take an initiative. CYA. Network. Get a hobby.
Best of luck to up and comers, newbies, seniors, and veterans who reside in this field with me. Please feel free to ask any questions.
Enjoy your Wednesday!

PART 2&3
Link for part one > https://www.reddit.com/ReddXReads/comments/1b9lsbz/dating_a_neckbeard_for_3_years/
Hi! I'm not sure if anyone is really interested in my neckbeard story and i am unsure about writing it overall, but well, i started it already and my fiance says that i should totally write it here. We both love listening Reddx at work and send those stories to each other, so yeah, its our thing i think. Thankyou Reddx for doing this and existing, you help me through my days at work.
Like title (sorry if the title is not so creative, if you can come with a better one, please tell me) says, i dated a neckbeard. I thought he was the love of my life, because my anxious and naive mind said if someone "loves" you, thats gotta be it (ew). Honestly i was just craving any male attention because my past relationships were trash full of fiery red flags and i just wanted to find "the one" so badly, and this guy didnt first seem to have those same red flags, i was so sure that this was it. Nope. Luckily not. Things are a lot better now.
Now, to the story!! Yahhooo
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PART TWO: BEARD WOO'S

CAST LIST:
Me, pixie, op! whatever you wanna call! Story's timeline age is 16, 163cm (5'4), long brown hair with blonde stripes, cute purple glasses. Hyperactive, happy-spirited, love to help and take care of others, insecure about myself (who at 16 wouldnt be tho) because list of different learning disabilities, i've always been in "special kids class" and now at nursing school, because i wanted to work at day care or something like that. Signs of depression and anxiety but ignored them. I love art, anime, games, everything cute.
Vivian, my classmate, little bit taller than me with brown hair, silly with me but overall very calm. She helps me with assingments and if i needed help at class (teachers didnt help) and we hanged out together a lot. Deeply depressed and anxious, not sure what she liked because she seemed to be kinda.. blank or something, i dont know really. One year older than me.
Sifbeard, THE neckbeard. (sort of?) Tall, blonde "emo" hair that hanged always on his eyes, a liiiittle start of a beard, had acne, very skinny and seemed to be a decent guy. Often bragged doing "bad boy stuff" like stealing from stores, escaping cops, stealing cigarettes from his father and brought alcohol to school. Studied videogame programming, liked videogames (obviosly), anime and was a furry. (i have no hate to furries)
Ariana, a "friend" i knew from middle school, classmates and friends with sifbeard, shorter and little bit overweight. Wanted to be that popular gamer uwu -girl, likes Kardashians, games, also anime and Hatsune Miku, which she hid from everyone. Kinda two-faced and loud.
Witcherbeard, tall, little bit overweight, loud. I dated him for 5 months. It was terrible, closer to friends with benefits but one-sided. Likes that game Witcher, overall many games, maybe likes anime, idk, i didnt get to know him well because he ignored me after doing da nasty and didnt wanna talk either on phone or chat. Douchebag. also studied videogame programming.
Yay, all that is now clear, so TO DA STORYYY yayyy
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I was broken. Depressed, anxious, i felt like crap overall, but still tried to go to school. I failed my on-job-training, (so did vivian for other reasons)and we hung out with Ariana and his classmates. Sifbeard noticed how Vivian and i were, so he started to get closer to us. We hung out after school this one time, waiting for a bus to go home, until Sif noticed Witcherbeard far away.
Sif: "Hey, pixie, you should smoke these cigarettes so he sees how he broke you." he seemed to be very exited about this masterplan idea.
Me: "What?? Why??"
Sif: "idk, cause he is over there."
I saw witcherbeard there and felt getting little bit mad about it, so, as a "rebel" and "angst" teenager, i took the challenge. Keep in mind, i have never, ever smoked, i've been teached by my parents to never touch any alcohol or cigarettes, drugs etc. because they only bring misery to your life once you start it. I always were that good girl who never broke any rules because if i did, i felt like i was the worst person in the world.
I took that cancer stick and.. did that thing and started coughing ofcourse, but tried to hide it. I still somehow smoked that whole thing and then, sif gave me another one after another one.
I recall witcherbeard looking at me one time, looking bit concerned but then continued with his life with his friends. Sif on the other hand was really exited, smiled really wide and then praised me after this stupid act. "You are doing the right thing" he told me.
For a next few weeks, Sif had got me my own pink lighter and a pack of cigarettes. Those weeks i actually went for a smoke with Sif and Vivian, but luckily, ended it as fast because my inner voice was yelling at me to stop this stupidity.
Did he try to make me and Vivian drink booze at school? Absolutely. Few times we took a sip from that same hipflak, one time Vivian and i were seen by our classmates doing this so we had a huuuge drama-fight about it, where i was defending me and Vivian while everyone else called us out. Asked why were we hanging with "nerds" and that they are a bad influence. We started to skip classes because Vivian was so anxious, Sif skipped his because he just did, cause he wanted to be with us i suppose. I actually didnt wanna skip mine, cause it was wrong, but Vivian insisted that she was so anxious that she couldnt go there, but didnt also wanna be alone so ofc i stayed with her.
Where is Ariana? i actually dont remember. But i remember Sif again, very proudly reveal us that he had a thing with Ariana and even "slept" with her. When he told more details about it, it actually wasnt actual nasty. They did it with clothes on, just.. Sif humping on top of Ariana. And yes this actually happened, he didnt made it up because Ariana later confirmed this. Sif told at one point that Ariana pressured him to do stuff, like be her servant -kind of. Like being her dog. lol. But sif was really proud of himself.
Time passed, and Sif and i started to talk more and more, get to know each other.
He used a lot of ":3" emoji and sended me furry art, lots of it. Ofc it wasnt his own art. sometimes sexual even. He talked to me like i was his little kid, and i remember those ":3" emojis and "^-^".
He sended me videos where he just talked random things and acted like such a bad boy, flipping his emo hair from his face and tried to look cool. He stole packs of cigarettes from his dad and smoked them behind a childrens playhouse, "hiding there", but it was a failure because he was tall. I started to have skype calls with him and they were MANY hours. Ofcourse, i started to have feelings for him because he gave me attention i craved, he was nice to me and all that. Time passed until it happened. The first kiss.
It was actually kinda cute, it was at a local beach, us tooking a nap there with Vivian and Sif. Now i think it was cringe and gross because nowdays im not a romantic type at all, and that is because of Sif. He bombed me with love and cutesy words and all that, pet names and just over the top of it.
There was this one time, actually right after that cutesy-wytesy first kiss, i went to friend who lived like 3 hour drive away, and i cried my dad to pick me out from there because i wanted to come back home. Truth was that i wanted to be with Sif. My dad, bless his heart, picked me up but immediatly we got home, i again went out to see Sif. My dad was bit mocking me about it but letted it go. My life was all about Sif now !
And i was so happy, i felt like everything fixed out and everything was okay, perfect even. My teacher warned me that why i was hopping from ships to other, and she was right. This actually wasnt a good thing, because i should figure my own personality and company, i was always hanging on that who gave me attention.
i remember this feeling, that something was off.. but i ignored it totally because i was too scared to be alone. He HAD to be true love. That i was just anxious and that, because many years of my life i spent in chaos and alerted, so i blamed my head for being worried for nothing.
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PART 3, START OF THE CHAOS

CAST LIST
Me, pixie, op! 16 yo (now 24), 5'4, brown long hair with blonde stripes, purple glasses. Hyperactive, happy-spirited, love to help and take care of others, insecure about myself (who at 16 wouldnt be tho) because list of different learning disabilities and school was always difficult for me because of them. at nursing school, because i wanted to work at day care or something like that. Signs of depression and anxiety but ignored them. I love art, anime, games, everything cute.
Sifbeard, THE neckbeard (sort of?) Tall, blonde "emo" hair that hanged always on his eyes, a liiiittle start of a beard and had acne, very skinny and seemed to be a decent guy. Often bragged doing "bad boy stuff" like stealing from stores, escaping cops, stealing cigarettes from his father and brought alcohol to school. Studied videogame programming, liked videogames (obviosly), anime and was a furry. (i have no hate to furries)
Ellie, my close friend who gave me a chance to meet Rex. Not a major character on the story
Rex, my now fiance, has small part on this story. Enemy of Sifbeard. Lived another city, i met him through Ellie's family. Very kind, fun to be with, wanted to help everyone. Likes games, anime, nature, and is nerdy overall.
Names are changed for safety reasons.
i memories with timeline is bit foggy, so i am sorry if this is complicated to read, i'll try my best to line it all up.
__________________________
I spent my whole summer with Sibeard, mostly him gaming his games and me watching. Sometimes we drove around our homecity with my scooter, he loved it cause he used to have moped or motocross, (idk but this is what google magical translator gave me XD) He bragged about his stunts with his moped, like "how there were 3 guys on one while escaping police and one not wearing a helmet", driving under influense of alcohol etc. He many times told me how cool he think he was for being a bad boy. He was starting to get overly protective about me driving my scooter, that i shouldnt drive it, because it was dangerous (i am not stupid and i am VERY cautious when driving) so often when we were together, he was the one driving.
I remember this one time we were drinking at the beach with his friends, Vivian, even Ariana was there. Note that i am still under-age. He was very protective, asked me many times if i was okay and if cops were to come, "you will run and and i promise i will distract the police". Ariana was trying to get all the attention towards herself that how she will ~~unalive~~ herself and hurt herself, random high-pitched screams now and then and even at one point acted like she was gonna jump from the bridge. She didnt wanna talk to me or Vivian, she hated me cause i had my thing with Sif. (i know, dont touch friend's exes and i felt REALLY bad for her)
I always slept very badly with him because he played games all night while i tried to sleep next to him. When he came to sleep, finally, he had to play video on the background, or without it he couldnt sleep. I tried to get used to that, and for 3 years, i still didnt. If i wished him even one night without video playing, he started to argument me that it will mess his sleeping and then he would be cranky.
Everytime when i wasnt with Sif, i felt that feeling again. That something was off. That i shouldnt be with him. But i brushed it off everytime.
At one point, he started to call me his little cub. Tiger cub more specifically. That he was my wolf who saved me from somewhere. That he adopted me. We even played being cub and wolf, mostly i just was my hyper-active self, but he did wolf noices and put his hands same way those anime cat girls hold. He even tried to lick me to "wash me". He sent me more furry art and said that those were us etc. There were few nsfw ones. I drew art for him, about us, drawings of those cub and wolf. When i asked what his fursona would look like, he said it would be black with red stripes on cheeks, like naruto styled (he loved naruto) and we would have a scarf. He really dreamed about fursuit and i think it was cute.
Now, i feel really cringe and uncomfortable writing about these next things; sex. but, you gotta do what you gotta do and hey, arent we here for the cringe?
Usually it was very awkward. He was a virgin, so ofcourse he didnt have any experience and that was totally cool and okay to me. But, i totally wasnt the dominant one. I was always just "that doll", so neither did i have any idea what we were doing. (He told me before we were a thing that he was asexual..?) edit. worth mentioning; his lower body was surpisinly hairy, LIKE REALLY HAIRY, i had monkey vibes from him. ive never seen so much fur and hair from ass to down to legs !!!!) He was very clumsy with protection, and when i started pills, it was still very clumsy. I tried to teach him little bit that there is good to be some foreplay and i even showed him ways but he rarely did those. He didnt wanna go down on me because "it tastes bad" (is it suppose to taste like candy or cheesenuggets which were 95% of his meal) The sex itself often hurted A LOT, i told him about it and we changed positions, but it was always veeeery short. It didnt last than maybe 5-10 minutes? At least thats how i remember it. Poor thing was embarrassed that he didnt last long and he even tried to google what could help. Also, he was in bad shape because he had health issues (problems with lungs and heart) so his stamina was what it was. But it didnt affect his overall health, he just couldnt for example run a long distances.
Well, points for him trying his best.
Other traits i noticed is that he didnt clean his room and i just realized that we slept in the same bed sheets for a year........ EW. He often demanded money from his parents to buy games, one example is that when VR was new, he reaaaally really wanted it and tried to talk her mom out that "he will pay back" and had tantrums over it but .. he never did pay her mom back. This happened often. He had these sudden, changing intrest's and he just HAD to get it, and they were usually very expensive. Why he didnt pay back? Because he didnt wanna work. He said "He doesnt wanna work, ever, that he will live just with the support money from our state" To explain, in Finland, you can seek for support money (its from taxes) if you are either sick (sickness that can't be cured and you cant work) or are either without a job, but you GOTTA actively look for a job because you wont get that support money forever. He 100% seriously said that he doesnt wanna work (i mean ofcourse it would be a dream just live and not be a slave of our capitalist world but it just doesnt work that way) And will just play his games everyday.
I was working myself at those times at a health center as cleaner lady, its very hard work and long days. After work, he said that he will see me at bus station (like first i ride a bus and then walk) and we would walk from there to his place which is 4km (2,4 miles?) and often, he didnt. because he was sleeping. didnt wake up to his alarm clocks and i walked there alone often. He often didnt wake up even when i tried, so many many times i just waited him to wake up, many hours. When he woke up, i was already too tired so i went to sleep, but ofcourse, had hard time to sleep because he played his games with his friends very loudly. Before this he had promised that he will spend time with me.
So school started again and i tried my best to succeed, i completed this one job-on-training because they were lovely and understood my difficulties and were patient and it paid back! I got my best number from there! yay me <3 These times Sif was skipping school even more and more, but sometimes, when i was at his place, his mom gave us a ride to school and he went because i had to go. otherwise he either slept or played games.
Things were otherwise okay. Time passed, and one year later, i met my best friend after a like what, 4 years. She lived 6hours away from me and he had a boyfriend. Ofcourse we all met, like me, Sif, her, and her boyfriend, but oh no, sifbeard did NOT accept him. He didnt even want to talk to him, just looked at me and had that "i dont trust this dude" -face and told me that "her boyfriend is a loser and trash, and that he should just leave". My bestie, ofcourse, was offended by this and we tried many times to friend them, but Sifbeard didnt want him even close. Only thing he said to him was "hi, im sifbeard".
Just for your information, my best friend is now married to this dude and is really happy with him.
Then my other friend, who we will name here now Ellie, told me that we should go to this party close to me. It was her sisters friends birthday party. It was almost winter and we went there with my scooter, no winter-tires! It was HELL OF A dangerous, but she have now told me that she had never felt so alive XD
Well, we went there, and everyone was drinking. At one point, i separeted with Ellie. I wasnt comfortable with drunk people, and then, i noticed something!! A computer!!! Someone sitting on it on his headphones!!! On teamspeak ! (if anyone remembers teamspeak, it was before Discord) I went to this guy ofcourse and he was sober (thank god).
me: "Hi! " i looked happily at him
Him: "Heeey ! Dont you like being there with others?" He looked with a curious smile
Me: " yeaahh no, i really dont care about alcohol and besides, im driving. Who you talking to?" I was exited because there was nerds like i was, maybe escape from these drunk teenagers.
He suddenly planted his headphones to me and sat up from his chair, offered me to sit there. I was exited but little shy at same time, but i sat down and said
Me: "Hiiiii!"
People on teamspeak: "Ayyyy heyyy girl! How ya doing?"
Now, i dont remember much from that conversation, but overall it was fun to talk to them and they were as exited as i was. But at one point, i asked that is there anyone who plays League Of Legends.
There was only one who answered, it that was Rex. He said he played it.
Then we started to chatter about that game and our mains, my main was Lux. (because rainbows lol i love rainbows). Then we exchanged our numbers and game tags.
This was the moment..... to be continued!!

Forgive the length of this, but I'm writing both to vent and as a bit of self-therapy. This happened to me during Covid, after I had been laid off from a prior job just a week before the pandemic/lockdown hit in 2020 and the job market tightened up.
After a 3 month job search, I applied for an IT position at a local company, got through 2 interviews, and was offered the job with the possibility of a substantial raise after 6 months if management was happy with the work I was doing. The raise would top me out in the salary range they advertised. It was a backfill position for someone who had been there for 13 years and was promoted to supervisor of the group.
I was told to report at 7:30 in the morning my first day for routine HR paperwork, and was scheduled to meet my manager for onboarding after lunch. Not sure why they thought it would take 4 hours to do HR paperwork - I finished by 9:30. The HR person seemed a bit uncomfortable about sending me to my manager early, but did so anyway. First red flag was when I got to her office - she seemed extremely annoyed that I was there early, and made it pretty clear to the HR rep. She had me sit down in her office, got my laptop, building keys, etc. Pretty much dropped it on the table. Overall she didn't make me very welcome. Takes me out to the floor and introduces me to my co-workers. They all looked pretty whipped and didn't even lift their heads from their screens to say hello.
She then takes me to what would be my cubicle - turns out it was her old cubicle before she was moved to an office - half of her crap was still in there. I was told to decorate the cube how I saw fit and to get rid of anything I didn't want (basically I interpreted this as clean up her crap because she didn't finish doing it.) That's when I looked on one wall of the cube and noticed 19 nameplates from top to bottom in a neat little line. Since it was the beginning of the pandemic, I asked if the nameplates were for people when they returned to the office, and that's when I was told "no, those are people that USED to work here in IT." Had the job market been better and I wasn't so desperate to be off unemployment, I think I would have walked out right there - major red flag. I doubt those were people she missed. In the coming days, I saw and heard things that basically confirmed my suspicions that they were trophies of people she either pushed out of the company or had gotten fired. All of the names were people under her wheelhouse and not other areas of IT. At one point, I looked up the names on LinkedIn. 17 out of the 19 had only lasted a year, one had been a manager (her boss) for 4 years, and I could never figure out why the other one was up there. I had never seen anything like this after 23 years in the business, and I'm fairly sure as a line engineer, you don't get in the habit of ripping the nameplate off a manager's door and sticking it on your cube wall unless you are making some sort of statement. Also noticed later on when I started doing backup tape rotation a post-it note on top of one of the dead backup tape piles in her handwriting that said "Dead to us like" with a name from one of the other nameplates. Overall a bit creepy but I ignored my instincts since the market was so bad.
Fast forward 6 months. She had told me several times during that period when I asked how I was doing (in writing on chat) that I was doing great and to "trust her" if anything were wrong I would have heard about it already. I get the raise that was in my hiring agreement. Shortly after I confirmed the higher pay rate on my check is when things started going completely sideways. The raise kicked in the week before Christmas, 2020. I started getting the silent treatment, then she handed me a trial for MS Intune 4 days before it was due to expire that she had been sitting on for three weeks and couldn't get it to work. No one on the team knew that she had signed up for it, and thought it odd that she was testing this for a feature we already had with another vendor we just renewed support with. Both she and her boss (who had approved the raise) then were out on vacation. I got the trial working, and when reporting that I did, got crickets chirping back on it and it was never mentioned again.
During the middle of the week after New Years Day, she returns to the office on Wednesday, her boss on Thursday. I continue getting the silent treatment on Friday. I'm in the office for half the day - and I hear nothing from her until just before lunch, where she drops a Skype conference on my calendar for 3:00 in the afternoon entitled "Getting Back on Track." Since I just got a substantial raise, I assumed this was to align on projects for the year. I dial into the call from home, and find she hasn't even bothered to turn her camera on. She then starts in about how she's not good at difficult conversations, and proceeds to tell me that her boss feels he isn't getting his money's worth from me, and how she's been holding all of this in since Wednesday of that week. Red flag there because that's the day before he returned to the office, and that it's less than 2 weeks since I received the raise. Hardly enough time for anyone to come to that assessment.
I ask for his reasons, and I'm given really petty ones, like I was too quiet in the last meeting we had, I "continue" to work remotely (even though that was what I was told to do because -- pandemic) and used the word continue like I had been sent a memo to stop working remote or alter my schedule. I received no such communication from anyone in my department or HR. Everyone else was working remotely same as I was. She had taken it upon herself to start coming in 3 days a week on her own, and when I asked if she wanted me to follow suit over chat, she asked why I wanted to do that when most of my job could be done remotely. I had a written record of this. Claimed that her boss thought I was a ghost around the office. Kind of pot meet kettle there because he would spend any time he was in the office with his door shut and his Skype on do not disturb, including when he was working remotely. The last reason I received was that they hadn't seen any system change requests in the last several weeks, but what she conveniently left out was that at that time we had been in the middle of a six week change freeze for the holidays instituted by her boss. She then went into this pity party for herself acting like she was the victim by saying she keeps thinking of me as being new there, but if anything she was new. She had been working there for 13 years, I had been there for 7 months! I asked how that made sense and she said new at management. She had been promoted to management several months before I started and her previous job before working at this company was as a manager for 4 years. Rusty, maybe but definitely not new by a long shot.
I decided to have a followup meeting - when I was hired I recalled her telling me she had an open door policy - any issues, don't hesitate to call, email, chat, or set up a face to face. I set one up for the following Monday morning, 9:30AM. She accepted - no comments about the date/time being inconvenient. Fast forward to Monday - I walk in her office, and I'm greeted with "Who the F--- do you think you are scheduling a Monday meeting at 9:30 and what the F--- is so important that it can't wait?" I calmly explain that the phone call we had didn't really make sense and left me with more questions than answers, and I wanted to make sure there were no misunderstandings. Next thing I'm told is "FYI, you're making more money now than so and so on our team and he's been here for 25 years!" I'm not sure why the blame for that other guys pay situation was being laid at my doorstep. Not sure if I was at fault because I accepted the job offer, or somehow it was my fault that someone didn't do the math before extending the offer. Basically this escalated from "you were too quiet in a meeting" to weaponizing someone else's salary due to being pissed off at a pay disparity that YOU created. I made it clear that this was the company's problem and not mine since I had no control over that, but she could easily recommend an increase for this person as a supervisor if she felt he was being paid unfairly. I ended the meeting because she basically put me in another uncomfortable position that I felt wasn't going to get resolved.
After that meeting I was basically made to feel by her that nothing I could do was right - after 6 months of being told I was doing great, it was a complete 180. She would question every move I made, roadblock projects I was working on, withhold approval for purchasing licensing for IT tools that I was supposed to implement, then sit in workgroup meetings telling everyone we weren't going with the product I recommended, and instead going with something she liked that was nixed earlier in the project. She'd also hammer me about delays in team meetings for things she knew she was stalling on.
While all of this was going on, in the periphery I was dealing with my Dad's deteriorating health - stage 4 brain cancer, inoperable, and they were giving him 6 months. When I let her and her boss know what was going on, her only response was "Hope he feels better soon." Her boss didn't say a word. I wasn't looking to make an excuse, but the complete lack of empathy and silence was deafening. The only thing missing was a "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" response.
Fast forward another 3 months. I'm doing my in office Friday morning work like always, and she storms in the server room, holding the door open and starts yelling like a maniac so everyone could hear. "HOW LONG IS THIS GOING TO TAKE YOU?" I respond that it would be 10 minutes like always since I had just started. "10 MINUTES, THEN GET YOUR A$$ IN MY OFFICE!" She walked out and slammed the door.
Cue the ambush meeting. I get in her office, and see review papers even though company wide reviews aren't for another 2 months. As I'm sitting down, I see her boss come in wearing shorts - he was on a staycation day, and came in to sit down behind me for the ambush. I then proceed to get the only bad review I've ever had in the 23 years I had been in the business for the next hour - she's getting me for any petty mistake she could find, and her boss kept repeating the same thing at regular intervals over and over again for the next 45 minutes. "Are you overwhelmed or do you just not care?" With this tag team going it was difficult not to stutter and be flabbergasted. Once she was done trashing me on the review, he gets up, leaves and I could see him through the window getting into his car and going home. Next, I see her grinning from ear to ear like a Cheshire Cat as she hands me another piece of paper, and says "this is the part I hate." She hands me a PIP notice. Mind you this was 3 months after I got a raise based on them supposedly being happy with my work.
I had 90 days to complete three tasks (basically 3 major things she had been sitting on for the last 2 1/2 years based on the ticket history in our tracking software.) 60 days in, I completed a server migration - no issues at all with that, and had a software upgrade on deck for the 2nd weekend in June (this weekend was roughly the 60 day mark.) Change request was approved by her boss. I then get a text from her asking if I could come in on Thursday of that week for official reviews since she was out of office on Friday. She scheduled mine for 3:00 that day. I walk in her office, and she bolts out of her chair saying "Follow me to HR." My review was getting fired. Reason was "it's not working out and we're parting ways." No other reason given. First thing HR tells me (this is the VP of HR) is that they were "absolutely not" going to contest my unemployment claim and to file immediately due to the waiting period for the benefits to kick in. I leave after the meeting. No escort out the door, but I made sure to grab the nameplate because I didn't want it on my manager's trophy wall.
6 weeks later, I still haven't received UI benefits, and come to find out that HR lied and someone contested my unemployment - claiming willful misconduct and gross negligence. I had a phone call with my case worker, and explained what had gone on. I guess the Unemployment office didn't buy their story, because I got my money. It took 4 months - right around the time I started a new job and depleted our savings account.
Thinking back, I suspect this had all been about pay, but I don't believe it was about the other guy's pay. This is the same person that she had been competing with for the supervisor position and she worked at HQ. He worked at a satellite office in another state, and had been there twice as long as she had. She had no problem taking a promotion over him despite his length of service. I backfilled for her old position with the same job title he had. I think this was really about hers. If what she was saying was true, and I was making more than someone who had the same job title as me for 25 years, it's a safe bet to assume I might have been making the same or more than she was considering she had been there for only half that time. This company has a rep for tiny increases or no increases at all in pay over time, sometimes for several years in a row. If they were relying on merit increases to climb up the pay range, it was probably a losing proposition.
Anyway - end of rant. My take away from all of this is don't be fooled and always pay attention to red flags at the beginning that someone is a potential bully or unhinged - it will save you tons of grief in the end. Better to keep looking for a place to enjoy working at and have good health rather than draw a paycheck from people like this.

Reader-friendly is search engine friendly. Gone are the days when stuffing keywords made your blog rank up in search engines. Now, it’s all about catering to your audience (and having some well-placed keywords throughout). Sure, AI can do that (kinda), but can it make shit up with no factual backing and make it sound like facts? Also yes!
If you’re looking for a writer who knows her stuff and will write well-researched, factually correct and engaging articles for your website, let’s talk. I’ve been writing professionally for over 8 years. I’m familiar with a variety of SEO techniques, and have helped a client climb to the first page of Google’s results within 3 months.
WHAT I WRITE

Blog posts
Articles
Website copy
Press releases
Fiction (various genres and formats)
Others on a case-by-case basis (just ask)

I also undertake editing and proofreading projects. So if you want your articles and website copy edited for errors, readability, or to add in some keywords, that’s something I can help with as well. I usually charge by the hour for all forms of editing (copy, content, proofreading), and I can copy-edit approx. 1000 words per hour.
Some things I don’t write include: anything about crypto, legal stuff, tech stuff, essays, poems, and disturbing erotica (think shock sites). Most other things are fair game.
COMMUNICATION CHANNELS
I can communicate through Reddit and email. I usually send files in .docx format, however, so email is preferred. I may require a phone call (via Skype, Zoom or Google Hangouts) before finalization.
PAYMENT METHOD AND SOP
I can accept payment through PayPal or credit cards. I accept multiple currencies, but prefer US $. Payment must be made upfront. Due to several unfortunate experiences in the past, I’ll require a contract to be signed – which will protect both you and me.
ARTICLES WRITTEN BY ME
Here are a couple:
https://cuddl.com/babies/what-should-my-baby-eat-age-by-age-guide-to-feeding-your-baby/
https://flewidfriendly.com/canada-plastic-ban-edible-straws/
https://springnaturals.com/blogs/dog-cat-nutrition-blog/the-link-between-shedding-and-your-pets-diet
https://mcgregorbenefits.com/individual-family-health-insurance/dental-insurance/
https://lakewashingtonwindows.com/windows/garden-windows/
https://faitaveccoeur.com/blogs/fait-avec-coeur-blog/plastic-usage-in-the-skincare-and-beauty-industry-all-you-need-to-know-for-sustainable-living
https://faitaveccoeur.com/blogs/fait-avec-coeur-blog/recycling-isn-t-the-solution-to-our-waste-problem
https://boise.social/
https://wormbucket.com/blogs/worm-composting-resources/how-to-harvest-worm-castings
https://hubpages.com/health/Phobias-what-how-why
https://www.initiatelift.com/digital-detox-for-business-owners/
Fiction samples can be provided on request.
MY RATES
…range from 7 to 12 cents a word, with a bit of wiggle room for easy projects. It’ll depend on the subject matter, article length, research required, and several other factors.

Reader-friendly is search engine friendly. Gone are the days when stuffing keywords made your blog rank up in search engines. Now, it’s all about catering to your audience (and having some well-placed keywords throughout). Sure, AI can do that (kinda), but can it make shit up with no factual backing and make it sound like facts? Also yes!
If you’re looking for a writer who knows her stuff and will write well-researched, factually correct and engaging articles for your website, let’s talk. I’ve been writing professionally for over 8 years. I’m familiar with a variety of SEO techniques, and have helped a client climb to the first page of Google’s results within 3 months.
WHAT I WRITE

Blog posts
Articles
Website copy
Press releases
Fiction (various genres and formats)
Others on a case-by-case basis (just ask)

I also undertake editing and proofreading projects. So if you want your articles and website copy edited for errors, readability, or to add in some keywords, that’s something I can help with as well. I usually charge by the hour for all forms of editing (copy, content, proofreading), and I can copy-edit approx. 1000 words per hour.
Some things I don’t write include: anything about crypto, legal stuff, tech stuff, essays, poems, and disturbing erotica (think shock sites). Most other things are fair game.
COMMUNICATION CHANNELS
I can communicate through Reddit and email. I usually send files in .docx format, however, so email is preferred. I may require a phone call (via Skype, Zoom or Google Hangouts) before finalization.
PAYMENT METHOD AND SOP
I can accept payment through PayPal or credit cards. I accept multiple currencies, but prefer US $. Payment must be made upfront. Due to several unfortunate experiences in the past, I’ll require a contract to be signed – which will protect both you and me.
ARTICLES WRITTEN BY ME
Here are a couple:
https://cuddl.com/babies/what-should-my-baby-eat-age-by-age-guide-to-feeding-your-baby/
https://flewidfriendly.com/canada-plastic-ban-edible-straws/
https://springnaturals.com/blogs/dog-cat-nutrition-blog/the-link-between-shedding-and-your-pets-diet
https://mcgregorbenefits.com/individual-family-health-insurance/dental-insurance/
https://lakewashingtonwindows.com/windows/garden-windows/
https://faitaveccoeur.com/blogs/fait-avec-coeur-blog/plastic-usage-in-the-skincare-and-beauty-industry-all-you-need-to-know-for-sustainable-living
https://faitaveccoeur.com/blogs/fait-avec-coeur-blog/recycling-isn-t-the-solution-to-our-waste-problem
https://boise.social/
https://wormbucket.com/blogs/worm-composting-resources/how-to-harvest-worm-castings
https://hubpages.com/health/Phobias-what-how-why
https://www.initiatelift.com/digital-detox-for-business-owners/
Fiction samples can be provided on request.
MY RATES
…range from 7 to 12 cents a word, with a bit of wiggle room for easy projects. It’ll depend on the subject matter, article length, research required, and several other factors.

Reader-friendly is search engine friendly. Gone are the days when stuffing keywords made your blog rank up in search engines. Now, it’s all about catering to your audience (and having some well-placed keywords throughout). Sure, AI can do that (kinda), but can it make shit up with no factual backing and make it sound like facts? Also yes!
If you’re looking for a writer who knows her stuff and will write well-researched, factually correct and engaging articles for your website, let’s talk. I’ve been writing professionally for over 8 years. I’m familiar with a variety of SEO techniques, and have helped a client climb to the first page of Google’s results within 3 months.
WHAT I WRITE

Blog posts
Articles
Website copy
Press releases
Fiction (various genres and formats)
Others on a case-by-case basis (just ask)

I also undertake editing and proofreading projects. So if you want your articles and website copy edited for errors, readability, or to add in some keywords, that’s something I can help with as well. I usually charge by the hour for all forms of editing (copy, content, proofreading), and I can copy-edit approx. 1000 words per hour.
Some things I don’t write include: anything about crypto, legal stuff, tech stuff, essays, poems, and disturbing erotica (think shock sites). Most other things are fair game.
COMMUNICATION CHANNELS
I can communicate through Reddit and email. I usually send files in .docx format, however, so email is preferred. I may require a phone call (via Skype, Zoom or Google Hangouts) before finalization.
PAYMENT METHOD AND SOP
I can accept payment through PayPal or credit cards. I accept multiple currencies, but prefer US $. Payment must be made upfront. Due to several unfortunate experiences in the past, I’ll require a contract to be signed – which will protect both you and me.
ARTICLES WRITTEN BY ME
Here are a couple:
https://cuddl.com/babies/what-should-my-baby-eat-age-by-age-guide-to-feeding-your-baby/
https://flewidfriendly.com/canada-plastic-ban-edible-straws/
https://springnaturals.com/blogs/dog-cat-nutrition-blog/the-link-between-shedding-and-your-pets-diet
https://mcgregorbenefits.com/individual-family-health-insurance/dental-insurance/
https://lakewashingtonwindows.com/windows/garden-windows/
https://faitaveccoeur.com/blogs/fait-avec-coeur-blog/plastic-usage-in-the-skincare-and-beauty-industry-all-you-need-to-know-for-sustainable-living
https://faitaveccoeur.com/blogs/fait-avec-coeur-blog/recycling-isn-t-the-solution-to-our-waste-problem
https://boise.social/
https://wormbucket.com/blogs/worm-composting-resources/how-to-harvest-worm-castings
https://hubpages.com/health/Phobias-what-how-why
https://www.initiatelift.com/digital-detox-for-business-owners/
Fiction samples can be provided on request.
MY RATES
…range from 7 to 12 cents a word, with a bit of wiggle room for easy projects. It’ll depend on the subject matter, article length, research required, and several other factors.

My nearly 25-year-old daughter is , IMO, behaving in an entitled manner and has been doing so for some time. She is basically a good kid and I do absolutely acknowledge this. Here is a run-down on why I believe she seems to be unreasonably entitled:

She and her partner have lived in my FIL's house for over three years, paying nothing towards rent or utilities. This was fine when they were both students, but my daughter has been working for 1.5 years and still doesn't pay anything, saying her step-great-grandmother won't accept payment.
She's been using her step-great-grandmother's car (2008 Camry, so not a new car but not ancient either) since she started working, with everyone's permission, but refuses to take the car on, so pays zero towards anything for it, apart from gas.
The house is split. The upstairs and downstairs have their own bedrooms, kitchens, bathrooms, living areas, etc.; the kids are upstairs while my FIL's mother is downstairs. My daughter's partner will help with Gran's cats' litterboxes occasionally, and do the odd chore as well, but they accept payment for this. They do not help her out at all otherwise.
When I bring up to my daughter the above points, she gets defensive and says she can't be expected to pay rent/utilities/car when they're only making $16/hr. I counter with the ole "yes you can...you can give up the luxuries you have to pay for the necessities" schtick, she closes down any listening. She does this for any suggestions I have for anything, including when she asks for advice/help, stating I don't understand her generation and my suggested solutions aren't what she wants to hear.

Things that might be important:

I know she's still at the age when she's likely to not have respect for her mother and that will hopefully change over time.
She's trans, and generally refuses to socialise outside of her online trans friends...she has no real-life friends (apart from her partner). I, her stepfather and his extended family are all fine with her gender identity...matters little to us apart from ensuring she is safe and feels supported.
She tells me - has for several years - that my generation (X) and all those before mine have ruined the future for them (Gen Z, Millennials, Alpha) so we owe them.
She was diagnosed at age 8 (and I was, alongside her) with Asperger Syndrome, aka HF ASD. It could take her some time before she is able to focus on the bigger picture of how she approaches life.
Due to my unhappy childhood, I have tended to prioritise her comfort and happiness over mine, to ensure she feels loved, supported and, overall, happy.
She never really got along with her father (we separated when she was 12), and says she's not bothered if she never hears from him again. While he doesn't 'get' her gender identity, he tries hard to understand her. They have a Skype call once a month and she has nothing good to say about the interaction.
She got a fairly good degree (BA in MIS) and works as IT software tech help for a local logistics firm.

Am I overthinking all this? She is basically a good person, I believe, but is increasingly selfish and entitled in her approach to the world. I'm hoping this is just something she'll grow out of with time, support and love.
Did I create this entitlement? If I did, I will do what I can to be more accountable for all this. If not (or only did so as is the norm for any parent), I will still naturally do all I can to help her so she can navigate the world as successfully as possible, and hopefully become a much happier person.
Edited to add: The house needs a good clean from top to bottom, but the kids say. "We're busy and don't have the time ". So I'll be doing that myself next weekend with the kids' help, whether they like it or not.

Hey everyone. I have created a separate account, as my husband does use reddit.
Issues with his mother started way before we got married and up until April 2023 I tried to keep it neutral.
I am tired of giving her chances, of telling my husband I do not want to be in contact with her and I do not want to see her at OUR house for months, as she did in 2021, 2022 and 2023.
I have tried to be civil, understanding, polite, and kind. But all of that was taken for granted by my MIL and she thought she could act out because she is older and my husband's mother. I had been patient and bit my tongue many times.
She is overbearing. And while staying with us she was never happy that we would go somewhere together without her. We just wanted some quality time together. For example, our anniversary. We had dinner booked at one place 3 months prior, the day of that and she sat there pouting that we could’ve taken her with us. My husband shut that down and said that it was our anniversary and not hers, the celebration is of our relationship.
When we had a trip to the country we wanted to go from the very beginning of our relationship - she was staying at our house all that time. To which I am grateful, she fed the cats and cleaned their litter boxes as well. But she still said that both of us were ungrateful to the fact she was taking care of our house and cats. She was staying rent-free with all the utilities paid. And cats? Both of our cats are easy to take care of and they don’t cause any problems. She also demanded calls during our trip and after we shared positive emotions about the country - she would start crying about how sad and depressed she was. We brought her most gifts and she was ungrateful and acted like it wasn’t enough.
My last straw was when my husband was helping me with making lunch as both of us worked from home. He offered to help and I asked him to cut vegetables. Our kitchen and lounge are open space. So MIL was in the lounge, with her laptop and when she saw my husband cutting vegetables, she started “Oh, I've never seen you like this! I should take a photo or make a video for memories! Do you even know how to use a knife?”. Then she went on a rant about how nobody ever cooked anything for her. Nor he, my husband, nor her youngest, BIL, nor her late husband. I don’t know why, but I said “Your husband did cook for you… I remember he was showing it on a Skype call when you were visiting”. And she went on about how I was making fun of her and humiliating her. I just said, “I’m trying to remind you that you had good things. I guess I am doing a bad job”.
She stood up, packed her laptop and stuff she had and decided to leave the room. But still had to say “I would love to see you see good things if you were abused like I was!!” I didn’t yell or raise my voice “I see you want conflict. I suggest you go to the room and cool off.” She went stomping like a child upstairs to the spare bedroom she was using. Then came downstairs yelling at me that I am spoiled and have zero respect for older people. The thing is I do respect people no matter the age, but it goes both ways. For some reason, my MIL made up a thing that I hate her and believes that. I don’t know what hate feels like. I feel nothing towards that woman and the last ounce of respect disappeared in April 2023.
She’s returning on Monday. Because for God knows what reason my husband and his brother helped her to gain pre-settled status in the country we are in right now. And she keeps talking about how much she loves this country and people and how she wants to find a husband here. Yet does nothing to learn more about people, learn the language. She expects everything to be given on a silver platter. Why? Because she gave birth and raised her sons, so she thinks they owe her their lives.
I am baffled by that. I don’t see my mother interfering with my brother's family or mine. Yes, I agree that we have to help our parents and etc, but not sacrifice our lives. When will we live our life? I want to be a mother, I want kids and I want a peaceful house. Is it too much to ask?.. In 2022 I almost filed for divorce after my MIL didn’t return to the country we’re originally from. She didn’t know she needed a COVID test and blamed me for not telling her and said “She said she’d find out” which I never said. I said, “That will need checking”. I didn’t say that I would do that.
After she left in 2023 I kept pretty much no contact. I only wished her a happy birthday and a merry Christmas. That’s it. And she was complaining to my husband as to why I am not talking to her. I don’t know what to talk about with her. Every time it feels like walking on eggshells and god forbid you say something she may take offence. She also complained about my mother not talking to her. I did tell my mum bits of what’s been happening as I needed support from my mother. My husband didn't understand my feelings at all at that time and the only person I could count on was my mother. The thing I didn’t tell my mum for a very long how it truly is with my MIL. Yet my “dear” MIL would complain about me immediately to her mother and relatives.
My MIL will never see me as a good DIL, no matter how much I would try. I am tired and I am done with being nice. If all she sees is me is something bad, then she will get bad. I don’t care anymore. I have told my husband about it. He asked “Why can’t you be nice?” which led me to tell of why am done with that. If she’s not happy with me I will not be ripping my arse to be liked. I’m not a million euros to be liked by everyone. I have reminded him how she acted when we celebrated our first New Year in our new house, how she acted when we were at his brother's place, and how she acted when we got after our holiday. I could tell him more and more of the list of WHY I cannot and will not be nice.
I was nice and patient long enough. I don’t care if she will feel miserable in our house. I don’t care if she will be crying and moaning about it to her relatives. She’s always miserable, so I don’t think it will be anything new for her.
Sorry for the long post and a rant that probably isn’t cohesive. My mind is all over the place right now and I feel like I will not able to handle MIL for long period of times anymore. I feel like I will just kill myself off just not to suffer anymore… I do love my husband dearly. But the thought of a divorce and living a life somewhere else seems like the better option than dealing with his mother… I don’t want a divorce…

Reader-friendly is search engine friendly. Gone are the days when stuffing keywords made your blog rank up in search engines. Now, it’s all about catering to your audience (and having some well-placed keywords throughout). Sure, AI can do that (kinda), but can it make shit up with no factual backing and make it sound like facts? Also yes!
If you’re looking for a writer who knows her stuff and will write well-researched, factually correct and engaging articles for your website, let’s talk. I’ve been writing professionally for over 8 years. I’m familiar with a variety of SEO techniques, and have helped a client climb to the first page of Google’s results within 3 months.
WHAT I WRITE

Blog posts
Articles
Website copy
Press releases
Fiction (various genres and formats)
Others on a case-by-case basis (just ask)

I also undertake editing and proofreading projects. So if you want your articles and website copy edited for errors, readability, or to add in some keywords, that’s something I can help with as well. I usually charge by the hour for all forms of editing (copy, content, proofreading), and I can copy-edit approx. 1000 words per hour.
Some things I don’t write include: anything about crypto, legal stuff, tech stuff, essays, poems, and disturbing erotica (think shock sites). Most other things are fair game.
COMMUNICATION CHANNELS
I can communicate through Reddit and email. I usually send files in .docx format, however, so email is preferred. I may require a phone call (via Skype, Zoom or Google Hangouts) before finalization.
PAYMENT METHOD AND SOP
I can accept payment through PayPal or credit cards. I accept multiple currencies, but prefer US $. Payment must be made upfront. Due to several unfortunate experiences in the past, I’ll require a contract to be signed – which will protect both you and me.
ARTICLES WRITTEN BY ME
Here are a couple:
https://cuddl.com/babies/what-should-my-baby-eat-age-by-age-guide-to-feeding-your-baby/
https://flewidfriendly.com/canada-plastic-ban-edible-straws/
https://springnaturals.com/blogs/dog-cat-nutrition-blog/the-link-between-shedding-and-your-pets-diet
https://mcgregorbenefits.com/individual-family-health-insurance/dental-insurance/
https://lakewashingtonwindows.com/windows/garden-windows/
https://faitaveccoeur.com/blogs/fait-avec-coeur-blog/plastic-usage-in-the-skincare-and-beauty-industry-all-you-need-to-know-for-sustainable-living
https://faitaveccoeur.com/blogs/fait-avec-coeur-blog/recycling-isn-t-the-solution-to-our-waste-problem
https://boise.social/
https://wormbucket.com/blogs/worm-composting-resources/how-to-harvest-worm-castings
https://hubpages.com/health/Phobias-what-how-why
https://www.initiatelift.com/digital-detox-for-business-owners/
Fiction samples can be provided on request.
MY RATES
…range from 7 to 12 cents a word, with a bit of wiggle room for easy projects. It’ll depend on the subject matter, article length, research required, and several other factors.

Reader-friendly is search engine friendly. Gone are the days when stuffing keywords made your blog rank up in search engines. Now, it’s all about catering to your audience (and having some well-placed keywords throughout). Sure, AI can do that (kinda), but can it make shit up with no factual backing and make it sound like facts? Also yes!
If you’re looking for a writer who knows her stuff and will write well-researched, factually correct and engaging articles for your website, let’s talk. I’ve been writing professionally for over 8 years. I’m familiar with a variety of SEO techniques, and have helped a client climb to the first page of Google’s results within 3 months.
WHAT I WRITE

Blog posts
Articles
Website copy
Press releases
Fiction (various genres and formats)
Others on a case-by-case basis (just ask)

I also undertake editing and proofreading projects. So if you want your articles and website copy edited for errors, readability, or to add in some keywords, that’s something I can help with as well. I usually charge by the hour for all forms of editing (copy, content, proofreading), and I can copy-edit approx. 1000 words per hour.
Some things I don’t write include: anything about crypto, legal stuff, tech stuff, essays, poems, and disturbing erotica (think shock sites). Most other things are fair game.
COMMUNICATION CHANNELS
I can communicate through Reddit and email. I usually send files in .docx format, however, so email is preferred. I may require a phone call (via Skype, Zoom or Google Hangouts) before finalization.
PAYMENT METHOD AND SOP
I can accept payment through PayPal or credit cards. I accept multiple currencies, but prefer US $. Payment must be made upfront. Due to several unfortunate experiences in the past, I’ll require a contract to be signed – which will protect both you and me.
ARTICLES WRITTEN BY ME
Here are a couple:
https://cuddl.com/babies/what-should-my-baby-eat-age-by-age-guide-to-feeding-your-baby/
https://flewidfriendly.com/canada-plastic-ban-edible-straws/
https://springnaturals.com/blogs/dog-cat-nutrition-blog/the-link-between-shedding-and-your-pets-diet
https://mcgregorbenefits.com/individual-family-health-insurance/dental-insurance/
https://lakewashingtonwindows.com/windows/garden-windows/
https://faitaveccoeur.com/blogs/fait-avec-coeur-blog/plastic-usage-in-the-skincare-and-beauty-industry-all-you-need-to-know-for-sustainable-living
https://faitaveccoeur.com/blogs/fait-avec-coeur-blog/recycling-isn-t-the-solution-to-our-waste-problem
https://boise.social/
https://wormbucket.com/blogs/worm-composting-resources/how-to-harvest-worm-castings
https://hubpages.com/health/Phobias-what-how-why
https://www.initiatelift.com/digital-detox-for-business-owners/
Fiction samples can be provided on request.
MY RATES
…range from 7 to 12 cents a word, with a bit of wiggle room for easy projects. It’ll depend on the subject matter, article length, research required, and several other factors.

Reader-friendly is search engine friendly. Gone are the days when stuffing keywords made your blog rank up in search engines. Now, it’s all about catering to your audience (and having some well-placed keywords throughout). Sure, AI can do that (kinda), but can it make shit up with no factual backing and make it sound like facts? Also yes!
If you’re looking for a writer who knows her stuff and will write well-researched, factually correct and engaging articles for your website, let’s talk. I’ve been writing professionally for over 8 years. I’m familiar with a variety of SEO techniques, and have helped a client climb to the first page of Google’s results within 3 months.
WHAT I WRITE

Blog posts
Articles
Website copy
Press releases
Fiction (various genres and formats)
Others on a case-by-case basis (just ask)

I also undertake editing and proofreading projects. So if you want your articles and website copy edited for errors, readability, or to add in some keywords, that’s something I can help with as well. I usually charge by the hour for all forms of editing (copy, content, proofreading), and I can copy-edit approx. 1000 words per hour.
Some things I don’t write include: anything about crypto, legal stuff, tech stuff, essays, poems, and disturbing erotica (think shock sites). Most other things are fair game.
COMMUNICATION CHANNELS
I can communicate through Reddit and email. I usually send files in .docx format, however, so email is preferred. I may require a phone call (via Skype, Zoom or Google Hangouts) before finalization.
PAYMENT METHOD AND SOP
I can accept payment through PayPal or credit cards. I accept multiple currencies, but prefer US $. Payment must be made upfront. Due to several unfortunate experiences in the past, I’ll require a contract to be signed – which will protect both you and me.
ARTICLES WRITTEN BY ME
Here are a couple:
https://cuddl.com/babies/what-should-my-baby-eat-age-by-age-guide-to-feeding-your-baby/
https://flewidfriendly.com/canada-plastic-ban-edible-straws/
https://springnaturals.com/blogs/dog-cat-nutrition-blog/the-link-between-shedding-and-your-pets-diet
https://mcgregorbenefits.com/individual-family-health-insurance/dental-insurance/
https://lakewashingtonwindows.com/windows/garden-windows/
https://faitaveccoeur.com/blogs/fait-avec-coeur-blog/plastic-usage-in-the-skincare-and-beauty-industry-all-you-need-to-know-for-sustainable-living
https://faitaveccoeur.com/blogs/fait-avec-coeur-blog/recycling-isn-t-the-solution-to-our-waste-problem
https://boise.social/
https://wormbucket.com/blogs/worm-composting-resources/how-to-harvest-worm-castings
https://hubpages.com/health/Phobias-what-how-why
https://www.initiatelift.com/digital-detox-for-business-owners/
Fiction samples can be provided on request.
MY RATES
…range from 7 to 12 cents a word, with a bit of wiggle room for easy projects. It’ll depend on the subject matter, article length, research required, and several other factors.

Alex Youtuber PrettyPastelPlease ~700k subscribers ~100M views. Thanks ALL POSTERS information merged together, derived mostly from Alex's own posts. Please excuse any mistakes due to timezone, Alex jumping around time with posts, trolling, happiest she has ever been and low point of life, also what Alex says is one side of story.
--History--
Sep13 1993 Alex born [currently 30]
2007 Alex Sam met
Time Teen Alex into goth, rock, emo, punk, birds, photography, modeling, makeup, singing, Japan
2010 Alex in beauty pageant
2011 Alex Sam became boyfriend and girlfriend
2012 Japan trip Alex and Sam meet Dan through common friend Tash
2013 Alex breaks up with Sam after dating, living with, and working with each other
Time Teen Alex rehomed Charlie the Galah Cockatoo for going 'absolutely psycho', but fine with new owner
Time sometime Fall or Winter 2013? Chose to end pregnancy (Alex and Dan around 20, before officially boyfriend girlfriend, 6 years before Aug2019 wedding, and child would have be 8 years old in Apr2023, Alex 10 page story said Dan chose to end pregnancy, Alex read out Sam's final text said Alex chose to end pregnancy and only told Dan for needed money)
Aug31 2014 Alex Dan became boyfriend and girlfriend
Jul11 2016 Alex wants engagement and Dan wants to wait 'I will always love you'
Mar 2017 Got 4 month old Archie Eclectus Parrot 'the bird stays'
2017 Alex brand posted and reposts User-Generated Content
Dec23 2017 PPP Oldest public video
May 2018 Japan videos filming in stores with no cameras signs [continues 2018, 2019, 2020]
May8 2018 Alex Dan become engaged in Japan
May19 2018 Pet Parrot Q&A includes comments don't pet Archie anywhere else but head or can stimulate and become aggressive
Aug1 2018 Alex says posted first haul video because saw LucyLivinVlogs post haul
Aug29 2018 Article The Outline 'Brands are paying influencers $75K+ to trash competitors'
Dec30 2018 Old photos of noticeable weight loss in short period early 2010s keto [stated lost 40kg/88lbs]
Jun24 2019 Article BBC News 'Jaclyn Hill promises lipstick refunds to fans after contamination'
Aug4 2019 Wish bikini visible abdomen scar [connected to noticeable weight loss in short period?]
Aug31 2019 Alex Dan became husband and wife [bridesmaids pastel JJ house dresses, men in Isle of Skye tartans and swords, Sam Mate of Honour, decor purple wisteria, photos with Archie]
Oct19 2019 GG Alex appears to have gotten lip filler, Alex confirms 4 years later, as well as forehead and lockjaw botox
Jan18 2020 Alex hosts Australian Bush Fire Emergency Fund Raiser and Gofundme combined $64k AUD
Jan28 2020 Alex in Japan bleaches and dyes hair pink
Feb7 2020 Alex nose job 1 [wouldn't confirm until Aug24]
Feb08 2020 people are so damn rotten and I'd like to know what they've done to help Australia [someone reported fundraiser money still in her bank account to Australian Taxation Office]
Mar10 2020 transferring money to charities [post Japan trip and Nose Job]
Mar 2020 Covid starts which negatively affected nose job followup and Alex mental health extremely
Mar26 2020 GO HOME YOU F*ING MORONS [people not social distancing covid]
Aug1 2020 Realestate House SYD bought $1.2M 5bdr 3bth house (~300sqm/3200sqft)
Oct6 2020 Alex nose job 2 for revision
Dec01 2020 Thriftmas thrifting, guest room decorating, and hyperfixations
Feb14 2021 Alex get 6 chickens
Sep15 2021 I really don’t think I’d be here today, if I didn’t have my pets to keep me going from CPTSD
Sep29 2021 Article Girlfriend Magazine 'Is Social Media Lying To Us About Nose Jobs? We Found Out'
Dec1 2021 Thriftmas depop, online thrifting, and drunk hair saga
Dec9 2021 Archie the parrot very agressive hormonal towards Alex [warned 3.5+ years about petting]
--2022--
Feb1 Alex boob job [wouldn't confirm until Dec15]
Feb23 worst my mental health has ever been in my life was in 2017
May13 [$20K+ USD Guess] designer clothes Alex wore AUS SYD Fashion Week (Fendi, Chanel, Prada, Versace, Zimmerman, etc)
Sep4 Alex opens up about mental health, in 2020 diagnosed with OCD, ADHD, CPTSD, Anxiety Disorder, psych thought may have bipolar
Sep04 What Vyvanse [rx] did to my mental health was so scary that I’m lucky I’m still here to write this caption ... developed Hyponatremia and Serotonin Syndrome - it almost killed me
Sep13 Alex 29th birthday gets first pigeon [of like 30 she collects in next 30 days spent in Sydney]
Sep13 Alex starts vlogging 100 packages in 100 days [did ~50]
Sep13-Oct19 changing/stopping doses of medication on own, drinking on medication, vitamins/supplements overload, protein cookies overload, lack of energy stuck in bed, personal hygiene issues, bird droppings everywhere, self diagnosing self/friends, discussing friends mental health, asexual, birds literally everywhere, birds having babies, shopping addiction, mini obsessions, over PPP personna, not working, not posting, bailing on sponsorships, not pursuing needed nose revision surgery 3, etc
Sep16-Sep23 Trip to TAZ with Dan, Lucy, and Max whose idea on record was to go to TAZ
Sep25 Alex's friends build a new backyard garden SYD, 6+ carts of plants
Sep30 Physically about once a year in hospital for a long time
Oct1 SQ Starts [Oct1], Alex names fans NPCs [Oct3], Alex later decides what NPCs stands for Nerdy Pigeon Coop [Oct13]
Oct10 Alex confirmed hiding new dog for future video talking with buttons [didn't]
Oct11 put fan art on Redbubble [did artist get cut?]
Oct12-13 6 Closet Clean Outs series with SYD friends actually filmed, paying for Lucy and editors work
Oct12 Sam build a new backyard 4mx4m aviary SYD
Oct14 Lucy mops up bird poop in Alex's office SYD
Oct16 I dont know what I would do without people around me
Oct18 I always dreamt of an enormous aviary full of birds and plants, happy tears SYD backyard
Oct19 [$6K+ USD Guess] Sony Alpha A7 iv, lens, and telephoto lens, just got iphone 13 pro max, while SYD kitchen is being remodeled
Oct20 Alex visits TAZ with Grace
Oct24 Alex fan meetup TAZ NPCs in person including polycule Zeke, Arden and Arden's fiance Claye, who did not know who Alex was
Oct27 Alex by herself alone decided to buy home in TAZ
Oct27 Alex eats raw oysters found on beach
Oct28 Gofundme for Pigeons rehabilitation property in Taz [no permit, training, etc]
Oct28-31 Caitlyn visits Taz
Oct29 Everything that I want in my life to be happy is the dead opposite of whats available in Sydney, but jobs are in Sydney
Oct31 Driving speeding Caitlyn to airport
Nov1 Alex stops replying to discord admins
Nov3 Alex returns to SYD for only a few days
Nov4 Driving in SYD with new bird free in car again, with Claye
Nov4 Claye in SYD for weekend to meets Dan, Sam, Michelle and transport stuff to TAZ [Alex knew Claye ~11 days]
Nov6-8 Dan and Alex go to Taz, Alex stays in Taz
Nov11 THE PHONECALL™ Recordings 56min AND 80min, Alex only showns as screenshot no audio [Alex claims Dan complete mental break, yelled for first time, and scared Alex]
Nov11 Dan flew back to Taz to apologize for THE PHONECALL™
Nov12 Dan and Alex make an offer on an house in Taz, Dan throws SYD work shirt in a bin for Taz life in 6 months when hits 10 year service leave
Nov12+ a few days house offer declined and Dan decides wants to stay in SYD and not move to TAZ
Nov14 Alex buys Dan a new WRX car in Taz $57K+
Nov10-20 Alex house shops Egg $1M
Nov15-22 Alex house shops Barn $1.25M
Nov mid Tiasha visits Alex driving new WRX in same airbnb where Alex stolen someone's chicken to cuddle in airbnb bed
Nov mid Basically just I'm bringing all of my friends down here until they all decide that this [TAZ] is superior to Sydney
Nov16 pre Article 6 month lease most expensive rental in Hobart $1400/week 4bdr 4bth
Nov16 Alex new 8 person NPC staff [now gone, did what?]
Nov16 Gofundme bio changed to support costs for Alex to rehabilitate and rehome her birds
Nov mid Alex in hospital based on comment, hat and sweater in photo posted May03
Nov27 gaming alter ego RavensPaw
Dec1 Starts thiftmas donating revenue for friends top surgery, then posts only 4 videos, and then deletes them
Dec1 sexy Saturday and hoe era
Dec5 Happiest she's been in over 10 years
Dec5 Alex asks viewers to send in art for her to turn into manic merch
Dec5 SYD mental health medication issues wishing I was dead, because being dead would be better than living such a miserable life
Dec7 the day that changed my life forever [filmed Oct27]
Dec8 Pretty Pastel Please would go three months without showering or brushing her teeth, would starve herself to stay thin to try on clothing for hundreds of thousands of people to see (and inevitably comment on her body)
Dec8 I can pinpoint the last time I genuinely felt happy in my own skin and it was back in 2011
Dec8 No, I'm not experiencing some sort of mania or manic episode and NO, I'm not making fun of people with bipolar disorder. If you really think my sarcastic use of the word manic was intended to hurt those that actually suffer from manic episodes, please hear me when I say that I was lashing out at those that throw the word around so lightly
Dec8 I discussed the idea of selling our house and moving to Hobart with my husband, and while he agrees it's a great idea, he isn't ready for it to happen yet
Dec8 Coming to Tasmania ... I love myself wholeheartedly, and I have such a strong desire to live again
Dec9 Asking an AI to write [erotic] fanfic about my ex boyfriend [Sam] and my husband [Dan] [deleted]
Dec10 SQ Alex flies to SYD with Claye and immediately leaves with BRZ and 25 birds
Dec10 Alex and Dan agree to separate and take time apart
Dec11 Getting 25 Pigeons on 11 hr Ferry to TAZ driving 900 km with bird free in car, again
Dec12 Offical Separation Date [australia can file divorce one year after separation]
Dec12 Sam and Michelle are no longer following Alex's IG
Dec12 Caitlyn no longer talks to Alex
Dec12 Lucy politely resigns and no longer talks to Alex
Dec13 Dan called and said he was divorcing Alex, Alex low point ideation with BRZ and guy friend comes to get her [Claye?]
Dec13 song numb little bug do you ever get a little bit tired of life
Dec15 Alex Gets a Boob Job Part 1 [filmed Dec20 2021] includes When are you planning on having kids? Oh I feel like we might have a good 5 years maybe in us before we want to do that
Dec16 Missed Dan's birthday
Dec16 lingerie with Claye's jacket is it self confidence, or a mental breakdown?
Dec16 story of Nicole Kidman Divorce Pictures Celebration [Alex wouldn't confirm Dan separation until Apr8]
Dec17 Alex evicted from most expensive rental for breaking lease by letting birds fly free
Dec17 Alex says Dan wants Alex to take half of 3 houses worth of stuff, but she doesnt want to get stuff because she would have to go to Sydney and she fn hates Sydney
Dec31 Another house rental with large deck birds stay under as coop
--2023--
Jan6 Meeting a stranger in a Bunnings carpark and buying something white [filmed ~Nov4]
Jan7 Buying a house in Tasmania The Cottage in the Mountains and The Converted Barn House [filmed ~Nov6-22] [Includes Dan at beginning of video with text over Dan agreed Tasmania was perfect for us and we would move here, posted after Dan asked for separation]
Jan12 First sighting of day collar
Jan14 People in Sydney are more familiar with living a miserable life than a happy one [conditioned]
Jan17 I mean yeah, I did just make this so I could give my friend $500 worth of clothing lol, Alex comment on now deleted disrepectful Yesstyle video
Jan18 without wedding ring
Jan mid Alex hospital based on hair and necklace in photo posted May03
Jan21 Dan at Grace's birthday without wedding ring
Jan24 I am currently selling my home in Sydney and moving to Tasmania city to be closer to my in-laws. [City is near Claye's parents, Dan's parents live near Sydney]
Jan25 Tash, childhood friend from SYD, currently from Melbourne, visits Alex in TAZ
Jan25 Tash instagram 50+ birds total with Alex
Feb1 Love is not a game of chess. The queen doesn't sacrifice herself for the king
Feb2 Hospital baited, but was just visiting someone
Feb10 Archie parrot imported and more pigeons
Feb10 Archie moves in with Nellie in TAZ with wildlife permit to own parrot [Alex never gets easy permit]
Feb12 lingerie with lock and dirty hair
Feb14 Claye and Zeke Valentine relationship breakdown instagram
Feb14 Alex said she was in hospital for surgery when Zeke was posting breakup and quit speaking to Alex
Feb15 Claye instagram sad breakup posting and unfollowing Alex and including she/her pronouns none of the polycule uses, No, you didn’t love her and She doesn't need you anymore
Feb15 Alex kissing cheek of TAZ friend who looks similar to Dan
Feb15 When you have to unfollow all your friends and they have to make their profiles private cause the internet is fucking crazy
Feb15 Wedding band not fitting
Feb15 Pinning old photos of Dan
Feb15 Another house rental with multiple small coops
Feb15 Silly birds get abused daily by me, but they just keep coming back [sarcasm]
Feb16 Alex posts man and woman holding hands frolicking in meadow This life>> It's happening
Feb16 Any weird rumours you read online about my friends, family and I are blatantly false
Feb20 I defintelty added fuel to the fire by posting some troll stories to confuse the conspiracy theorists but I promise everything is wonderful
Feb20 slightly doxxed herself by saying SYD house was up for auction, so easily found real estate listings, looking for forever home in Taz
Feb25 Please leave me and my DDLG BDSM polyamorous sex cult alone to be friendless in peace. [sarcasm]
Feb 25 Yes you fucking pile of rotten pumpkin three days after halloween I'm checking because you guys doxxed me and put my address online and now my husband is paranoid some ass clown is going to steal our god damn strawberries [gossip forums]
Feb26 Yes, my views are low and my channel is tanking. No, I don't care. No, you aren't smart for saying if you REALLY didn't care, you wouldn't be saying you don't care Please enjoy the video, or unsubscribe and go touch some grass
Feb27 Another house rental with red brick with pet carriers coop
Feb27 commented Wow you’re in for a surprise when you find out at the end of the series that I don’t keep anything at all and I move to Tasmania and only buy thrifted clothing lol
Mar4 Alex posts wearing Claye's shirt
Mar4 Realestate House in SYD sold $1.7M professionally staged, almost empty, aviary removed, redone backyard
Mar4 you're used to seeing me depressed, so my happiness is interpreted as mania
Mar4 very much looking forward to living a normal life in a beautiful place surrounded by beautiful people and beautiful animals
Mar4 Every single person received a refund, and it you didn't, please contact Go Fund Me, because l most certainly didn't withdraw a single cent from the funds raised (and fuck you for saying I used the money for personal expenses. I try to use my platform and following te do something good, and every time i do, asshats like you make up false claims about me committing LITERAL FRAUD)
Mar4 Made this account private so the morons on the forums will leave me the fuck alone (not like they ever will because they seem to be obsessed with hating me for living my life)
*Mar early Alex buys new Taz house 300K *
Mar24 Alex in bed with dark curly hair person [not dog]
Mar30 Financial abuse post
Mar30 You ever come THIS close to exposing all the bullshit someone is putting you through, but then stop because you want to be the bigger person
Apr1-8 Empty house in SYD, moving with just one suitcase and two dogs, had not been back to SYD in 6 months prior to help with packing, staging, or house sale
Apr8 Announces seperation with Dan
Apr8 Sign asset division property settlement
Apr8 there are people in this world that will tell you what they know you want to hear, and will make promises they don’t actually have any intention of keeping
Apr8 I'm really thankful I am still here too. I wouldn't be, if it weren't for the people in Tasmania that helped me through the darkest time of my life
Apr8 Dan stops all contact
Apr~ tries and fails to sell WRX on Facebook marketplace Vehicle is only being sold as it is now excess to business needs
Apr16 In TAZ cottage
Apr21 3 dogs total - Lachie, Skye, Merlin [from 2 year waitlist breeder]
Apr21 worst my mental health has ever been in my life was in 2022
Apr21 story claims Baby Timing Man Youth [while being 20/21, before they were boyfriend girlfriend, in Uni, Alex claims Dan chose to end pregnancy, Sam saying Alex chose to end pregnancy and only told Dan for needed money]
Apr21 story claims Baby Timing Man Recently [Alex boob video Alex says didnt want kids for at least 5 years at end of 2021, in 2022 with Alex says Alex was mental health spiraling and couldn't take care of herself]
Apr21 story claims Mortgage Free Priority [in 5bdr 3bth house bought for $1.2M renovated and sold for $1.7M, friends homes shown in videos being drastically smaller, renting Hobarts most expensive rental $1400/week 4bdr 4bth, hiring 8 people, house hunting in TAZ a $1M and $1.25M house, just bought Dan new WRX, while Alex decreased posting, skipped sponsorships, got Nose Job, got Boob Job, bought a lot of designer clothes]
Apr21 story claims Animal Abuse Man [when Alex left her animals for 2 months to go to TAZ herself, where Dan works full time long hours and now has to care for the 2 Dogs, Parrot Archie, Chicken coop and 30+ bird Aviary]
Apr21 story claims Friends Abandoned [while Alex accused Caitlyn on sleeping with Dan, asked Lucy not to talk to Dan since Dan had a crush on Lucy, and Alex called Sam a shitty friend for not coming to TAZ to support her, and showing communication with friends to 129K people]
Apr21 story claims Financial Abuse of Stuff [Alex had not returned to SYD to get stuff or help sell house, while SYD house was professionally staged all personal belongings were removed and put in storage which when Alex was in SYD could then have ownership and monthly rental signed off to her, which over a year after leaving SYD still has not collected]
Apr21 story claims Financial Abuse of Money [while Sam acted a mediator on asset division Alex signed, and Alex was already living in mortgage free TAZ home by this post]
Apr22 Doxxing Dan about not proposing by Jul11 2016 Dan I will always love you, less than 2 years into relationship, when they were 22, proposal ended up being Apr2018
Apr22 Doxxing Caitlyn stopped replying after Dec12
Apr22 Doxxing Lucy some PPP payments including haul costs, supposedly keeping SD cards, politely resigns, stopped replying after Dec12, Alex accuses Lucy of pretending to be Alex's friend to get paid and Alex's help start Lucy's career
Apr22 Please, cancel me so I can get on with my life
Apr24 18 chickens and needing more
Apr24 Lack of construction safety PPE
Apr24 Bails on a HelloFresh sponsorship again
Apr24 I provide a safe and loving home for unwanted/rescued pigeons & doves. If you have any birds in need of relocating, please let me know!
Apr25 What a difference 5 months makes, when you remove yourself from a situation that was slowly killing you
May~ Sam sends final text to Alex including The last straw for me was the 10 part series you put up on Instagram
May3 that hospital photo was taken a few months ago after a medical incident during my first few weeks in Tasmania. Not a great time for me back then, but I'm in a much better place now
May4 guard dog instead of police from people coming to house
May4 airbnbs broken into multiple times
May7 If you're the sort of person that posts about Are You Ok Day and ignores phone calls from a friend that is having a genuine crisis and is in desperate need of help, you're a liar with no true regard for human life
May9 Use code gurugossip for 10% off prettypastelparent to prettypastelpersonal to .... to cabinpressure13 Alex new IG
May12 Alex thrift with Claye in mirror
May15 Reddit prettypastelproof ComfortableAthlete53 troll banned
May20 pre 1 kitten ragdoll
May26 bird in construction zone
Jun2 Ok everyone, as a community, let's all go bully a yough autistic adult that like sanrio and kawaii fashion. We can do this, i believe in us with GG screenshot
Jun3 Reddit prettypastelproof DMCA takedown
Jun3 Please continue to write fanfic about me [Alex] on a public forum and then getting upset when I [Alex] come along and read it
Jun3 I [Alex] literally don't film people without asking, I [Alex] don't
Jun3 reply to haters that not alone has uncountable amount of pigeons
Jun8 THE PHONECALL™ Recordings 56min and 80min, only shown as screenshot no audio, possibly without consent [recorded Nov11]
Jun14 Claye instagram Alex glasses and leg on Claye
Jun16 Tasmanic, Tasmania manic bad pun
Jun27 please stop mistaking my happiness for mania
Jun27 Alex confirmed although stopped Fluvaxamine, trailed with Prozac, then with Zoloft, however confirmed stopped taking Strattera for ADHD
Jun27 Alex said My husband and I decided to move to Tasmania together, and once I moved here to start house hunting, he decided he didn't want to move any more. I would have stayed in Sydney to keep the marriage together, but he made the final call
Jul1 Alex starts Twitch streaming as prettypastelplease, with Twitch vods subscriber only and then deleted, using Claye's setup
Jul1 said renovations waiting for council approvals
Jul1 Alex said previously bought tiny house due to renovations
Jul3 GG 69beastar69 Melbourne troll banned
Jul3 Claims Alex unfollowed Caitlyn, Sam, Michelle, etc because Alex was upset [Dec12]
Jul3 Claims Dan put Alex's belonging in storage unit not giving Alex access for 5 months until she signed separation asset agreement, which included agreement of selling high value items to be sold and money split between her and Dan
Jul3 Claims Dan would kill it if she got a cat in SYD [horrible accusation]
Jul3 Claims Nov11 THE PHONECALL™ Dan had complete mental break, breaking things, threatening, scream at Alex first time ever, due to stress of move, difficulty to find job in Taz, and death in family
Jul3 Claims Dan said he had a crush on Lucy and alluded to sleeping with Caitlyn
Jul3 Claims heavily alluded threatened lowest point if Sam/SYD folks didn't drop everything and come support her in TAZ, ended up in hospital with medicine issue
Jul3 Claims Alex asked Caitlyn if Caitlyn had slept with Dan [~Dec]
Jul3 Claims Caitlyn was trying to turn Sam and Michelle against Alex
Jul3 Claims Alex asked Lucy not to talk to Dan, as Dan had a crush on Lucy [~Dec]
Jul3 Claims Lucy still had PPP USB Closet Clean Out to be edited, quit before being replaced by Hobart crew, and told Dan Alex's earnings [~Dec]
Jul3 Claims Alex called Sam a bad friend for not coming to Taz to support her [~Dec]
Jul3 Claims Sam did act as mediator over finances with Dan in SYD [~Apr]
Jul3 Claims had bought a car WRX for Dan in Taz that she still has and makes payments on [~Nov]
Jul3 Claims is going to a content exchange gifted nose job revision in Korea soon [didn't]
Jul3 Claims still doesn't have easy to get permit to own Archie, staying with Nellie, but aggression was not hormonal, but stress from SYD
Jul3 Claims cannot import Holly ringtailed dove to TAZ [true]
Jul3 Claims tried, but failed, to track down Lola the Rooster in SYD to bring to TAZ
Jul3 Claims she understands birds, so can let them free in car and house
Jul3 Claims Dumpling has gone missing potentially stolen Errol passed away assumption was of heart break
Jul3 Claims she has contacted Police over doxxing of Alex cottage address online
Jul3 Claims abandoned discord out of fear of what people were saying
Jul3 Alex when Claye was on screen pushes him away, There's no one here. I'm alone
Jul3 Claims she was seen in Claye's clothes because no access to her belongings and needed to borrow clothes [Alex posted many outfits in TAZ lingerie, dresses, wigs]
Jul3 Alex openly drinks wine while listing medications on that shouldn't drink with
Jul3 Caityln instagram those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones & even a worm will turn are such good phrases, huh
Jul3 Caitlyn instagram yes, I'm vague posting no, l'm not happy about it I'm trying to be mature and careful and I don't want to air out dirty laundry over the whole internet. Where it will live forever. It's tacky and petty and harmful feel free to talk about your woes offline all you like. You gotta talk through it to get through it but for the love of all that is good could you stop thinking the absolute worst of everyone else and take some accountability for you're own life and your own choices you're doomed to have history repeat if you don't and even don't want that for you. shows' over kids sorry for being such a downer
Jul5 not going to bother correcting lies I read about myself anymore
Jul5 Here I was thinking people were genuinely misunderstanding things l've said before because they didn't listen to the whole thing, but this morning I've woken up and finally realised that they aren't misunderstanding they're just fucking idiots and don't have two brain cells to rub together, so they purposefully over exaggerate, lie and warp things I've said to paint me as a terrible person, because they KNOW it'll push my buttons. They're literally doing it to rile me up and I'm so glad I've finally come to realise that they aren't 'concerned fans' but just bored, sad, lonely people who get a kick out of trying to hurt someone they know has been struggling mentally for a long time
Jul5 go follow this handsome man [Claye] on twitch
Jul6 If people legitimately thought that I meant to go bully an autistic person, I'm really sorry. If people legitimately went to bully that person, I'm very sorry ...we don't have bullies in my community ... if you were actually genuinely offended by me making that post I'm really sorry .... I like to think that people know me well enough to understand when I'm being sarcastic
Jul8 Alex made Twitch Affiliate
Jul10 If I could snap my fingers and change one thing, I'd be talking to Sam and I'd be talking to Dan. And I might get some more chickens
Jul14 Alex applies Twitch Partner [didn't get]
Jul18 Divorce Q&A Twitch and Youtube
Jul18 in SYD was not living just existing, wanted dopamine from hair dye, shopping, drinking
Jul18 Covid really affected her mental health, left house for medical appointments only 6 times in 2 years and a couple others [Nope thriftmas 2020 and 2021]
Jul18 on mental health medication from psychiatrist in New South Wales skype consultations, but I'm not having like therapy as far as like a psychologist
Jul18 parts of time Alex can't remember due to medications
Jul18 Alex is Straight, Ace, has never been and will never be polyamorous, and not interested in relationship while legally married, last thing on her mind
Jul18 got botox in forehead and lip filler right after wedding, didn't repeat, just overlines lips now and has better skin care
Jul18 does not regret boob job, but regrets nose job, can't breath for last 3 years
Jul18 Alex wants Bonorong wildlife rescue training when Alex has time [6 hrs free]
Jul18 Alex had a team of 8 in Hobart working for her [~Dec]
Jul18 wishes PPP more diverse and not just hauls
Jul18 has like 35 videos of content filmed on hard drive, but hates editing
Jul18 can see herself doing Twitch long term [abandoned by Aug21]
Jul18 wanted to be mortgage free, Dan didn't want to live in granny flat, Dan wanted to live near work, Alex wanted large land, photo studio to knock down walls, and office for work
Jul18 would still like to have kids, but in a loving relationship
Jul18 claims during separation pretended everything was ok online, Alex didn't want to talk about it at all, but rumors started online [from Alex's posts including Nicole Kidman divorce photos Dec16]
Jul18 Alex agreed to sell Louis Vuitton collection and split money as part of divorce settlement
Jul18 does see some SYD stuff on sale at Salvos online
Jul18 Dan stopped all contact after house sale [assuming early Apr]
Jul18 Alex sent Dan 10 page story before she posted, but Dan never replied [as Dan stopped all contact]
Jul18 Unfortunate what happened to a few birds in SYD, as it was Alex's responsibility, later in stream blaims Dan
Jul18 Alex said not in relationship with Claye, but do spend a lot of time together
Jul18 Claye did not know who Alex was before NPC meetup, Claye just came with partners Arden and Zeke [Oct24]
Jul18 does not regret sharing friends conversations
Jul18 wishes responses from old friends and for them to defend her
Jul18 now at peace with situation and does not want to bring it up again
Jul18 Question 'Do you feel guilty about anything you said to your friends and Dan' Alex 'No, I don't think I did anything wrong [....] I stand by anything I've done'
Jul18 Alex reads Sam's final text to Alex [~May] includes with Sam saying Alex's Apil 10 page story was last straw, that Alex was not even going to tell Dan about pregnancy
Jul18 Alex reads Sam's final text to Alex [~May] ends with 'Really, I think the reason everyone here is ignoring you might be due to the fact that we've seen how much of an manipulative liar you are and likely have always been.' ... 'Either you truly believe everything you say and you're ignorant beyond salvation, or you're fully aware of your lies and you just don't care. Either way, it's not worth my time
Jul19 Sam instagram comment reply ends with 'my opinion that I [Sam] and many others have been gaslit by Alex for years. My [Sam] regret is not realizing it earlier'
Jul19 Alex comment 'respectively, I dispute your accusations that i've gaslit anyone'
Jul19 Article in Shahab 'Pretty Pastel Please Divorce Dating, Relationship, Husband And More Information!'
Jul20 Twitch New discord
Jul24 SQ discord admins announce end due to new discord, Alex abandon in Nov1, and Alex being an example of unhealthy mentality
Jul25 I've been hospitalised multiple times, abandoned by almost my entire friend group in Sydney, lost my husband and the future I panned for in the blink of an eye and my closest friend in the world has stopped talking to me. I'm very VERY sorry I stopped using the old discord server, and I hope you understand that went through a period of immense grief and haven't had it within myself to go back to discord in many months.
Jul25 Alex said she didnt make new Discord, a fan did [actually Claye]
Jul26 discord mod team we've discovered that members of the hate forum were active users of the old Discord server
Jul26 Authentic friends tell the truth
Jul26 gets in trouble for making 'Manic' jokes as insensitive, but where is the outrage about Manic Panic hair dye name?
Jul31 Alex comment on Divorce Q&A 'A summary is my husband abandoned me in the middle of an interstate move lol'
Aug21 last stream [kept saying she would come back next week, but didn't, where people had paid monthly subscriptions]
Aug23 The guy from the RSPCA today searching for animal abuse and being very confused lol. Thanks for sending him out though, we had a nice chat and he learned a lot about pigeons
Aug23 Claye twitch got ducks, keeping at Alex's house with guinea hens
Aug25 what you can't get over ... your friends turning against you
Aug26 Alex said editing boob job video [didn't post]
Aug27 Who needs therapy when you have tiktok filters to help work through your emotions
Aug27 why you can't move on, because they made you feel something real and then they left
Aug27 welcome to divorcetok, me+d=red flag
Aug28 renovations restarted as builder finally returned
Aug31 Alex struggled on wedding anniversary
Sep9 Alex visits Tash in Melbourne with face mask 'molested this street pigeon'
Sep15 baby bird image, my toxic trait is accumulating thing that need my attention to survive
Oct3 Gothic Gamer Girl tiktok (probably Alex) defends Alex
Oct3 Alex posted part of dating profile Pro I come with two Subarus my 2018 BRZ & my 2022 WRX. Con I also come with 50+ pet pigeons that are guaranteed to poop on you
Oct6 The only date I feel comfortable with and I think I'm going to lock in is with a girl that wants to take me to Korean BBQ. Fast lane to my heart lmao
Oct7 cottage renovations done, My whole computer setup has been boxed up for the move so all content is on hold right now [didn't move]
Oct9 Michelle tiktok liked comments about not trusting Alex in maiapapaiyaa tiktok
Oct9 prettypastelprojects of NOT her renovated kitchen, NOT her photo, NOT her inspo [should credit actual photographer and workers]
Oct13 Claye i have a housemate who is very concerned about being identified on stream or being doxxed
Oct18 Alex shows dating app message My partner is a big fan of your YouTube channel saying deletes app [Alex met Claye through his partner who was a fan]
Oct25 pigeon then a hawk [predator could have stolen Dumpling instead of human]
Nov1 Alex started 61 days of vlogging [did 12]
Nov1 Says Bringing Archie Home, Going Back On Twitch, Working on Boob Job 2 Video, wants recipes to bake, Depop [didn't]
Nov18 last vlog of 61 days made it to 12 videos total, which showed cottage living room wall opposite fireplace painted blue, entry hallway wall wood slats, sheds containing birds [didn't move]
Nov20 BUYEE $1818 AUD cost, says not sponsorsed, 7 days after Lucy posted Buyee video, showed half of designer items bought early Apr2022, [not include storage, shipping, customs, taxes, fees nor did promised followup videos]
Nov25 Excuses why he can't post you, I know my friends will get jealous of our relationship so I want to keep it private
Nov25 Claye twitch chat dare Alex to shave Claye's beard, Alex typed I dont think his girlfriend would ever forgive me, Claye says hey Alex I normally do not talk about personal stuff on stream
Nov29 Claye twitch Alex intro it is I Alex, no ones favorite person, Claye That's not true at all, Alex Yeah
Dec4 Between personal stuff, work, and working on main channel content too busy to post content or stream ... since I moved [didn't]
Dec6 Claye twitch Alex intro No one of particular importance, just Pretty Pastel Please
Dec9 Tash Instagram Alex in Melbourne
Dec12 I'm a Virgo and that's why I don't want to have to be a single person
Dec13 First possible divorce start filing date [12 months post seperation]
Dec14 Alex in SYD at Parent's with multiple items from Alex's SYD life like chair, vase, clothes
Dec17 It should be impossible to remember moments that never happened and yet I hold memories of everything we did not get to do
Dec20 Claye twitch internet issue player says you guys were a void for a while, Alex I am always a void
Dec23 story about low point ideation year ago after Dan called said divorcing [~Dec13 2022]
--2024--
Jan1 Alex stream says didn't realize disappeared for 4 months from Twitch [Aug21]
Jan1 save for #spons Braun Korea nose surgery revision, wants teeth veneers but dentist recommended 50 things so didn't go back, and self diagnosing from tiktok POTS and EDS
Jan1 Jan plan #spons Princess Polly, #spons Halara, #spons WhiteFox, Temu cursed items bought Jul12 stream [didn't]
Jan3 Lucy Youtube address personal and professional life blasted and lied about and her boyfriend Max on the record was his idea to go to TAZ Sep2022
Jan3 Lucy Youtube getting jump scared about your own personal information being shared in quite a vindictive fashion it was kind of like oh is that what the truth is how interesting I don't remember it being that way, but sure it's giving lies ... the latest drop that implies some very interesting things about your character and your relationships or ... a new personal information drop that implies things about your professional character with messages that are creatively cropped and lacking context ... that treatment is not okay was not okay I felt that it wasn't right for me to be treated that way it felt really unempathetic it was really hurtful and it was quite awful and bad
Jan5 when someone tries to start drama with me but I’m in my healing girl era
Jan12 My entire friendship group abandoned me because my ex husband fed them lies and they cut me off without even trying to ask me my version of events
Jan17 archived all photos of Dan but one
Jan20 why is it when you leave a trio the other two who talk shit about each other become inseparable, bound by god soulmates
Jan21 when you find out the girl he told you not to worry about is in fact now his new girlfriend
Jan21 I have no friends
Feb3 Claye Twitch Alex summoned fan reward cost $40, takes 40 minutes, Alex's same dining chair
Feb3 Alex says Claye should incentivize his Twitch to raise $2000 for Claye new setup, then Alex could take his old setup and stream more
Feb3 Alex if only i had a valentine looks at Claye
Feb5 Claye Twitch Alex drastically scares Claye
Feb12 two people who were in love but stopped because one of them couldn't get their priorities straight which forced the other one to choose themself even though they didn't want to leave
Feb21 Claye Twitch Alex extremely drunk
Mar18 Claye filmed and edited vlog for his channel, but Alex asked to post on her sidequest channel
Mar19 She's in bed with a man that's not her husband, this is my dog [re Mar24 2023 photo, yet dog didn't live in TAZ then and not curly hair]
Mar25 Dan liked comment about Alex in bed with Claye
Apr1 Some people can cut off their friends in the blink of an eye at the first mess up but forgive the disrespect of their romantic partners/exes time and again
Apr1 You ask your man-child husband to help with the household chores [folds laundry terribly] [Alex never did laundry]
Apr9 Millennials, Gen Z will like, I'm ready. Take me now. Complete. I don't even need a reason. You want me to unalive myself, uh, to save humanity? Uh, I don't actually need a reason. Just take me now.
Apr13 PPP fans know Alex has a history with the drink
Apr13 Brings up infamous blue bomber jacket that was Alex's and then Claye's [Jacket in Alex lingerie photo Dec15 2022 and on Claye filmed Dec17 2022]
Apr13 Previously had Kidney failure and nearly died
Apr13 Was in artificially up mood with new place, new house, new friends, renovating, etc ... as settled in new life, depression hit really hard
Apr13 Divorce fd her up for like a year [mentally]
Apr13 Start streaming soon with 24hr subathon
Apr15 Alex says people think she is a liar, but she is an open book
Apr15 Not settled in new TAZ house yet at all, but not planning on staying in current house [didn't move]
Apr15 When Dan was on board to move to TAZ put offer on Bridgewater house, then offer was declined [~Nov12 2022]
Apr15 Old discord server was a really great place for mental health talk, but we don't have that at the moment, as hard to moderate and keep up with that type of community [Alex abandoned]
Apr15 Very proud of herself to still be here, only here because she has the best parents
Apr15 Pets 50+ chickens, 50+ pigeons, 23+ ducks, 3 guinea fowl, 3 dogs [Cat Ted and Parrot Archie living elsewhere]
Apr15 Does not have a psych now, does not have an active script 10mg Ritalin ADHD, on 20mg Prozac OCD [never therapy]
Apr19 Alcohol quietens my brain more than ADHD meds ever will okay
Apr24 'ah and here is why you shouldn't get married, there is an assumption they are not going to be a dick, and then they are'
Apr30 Doctor said no caffeine and no alchohol, does anyway
May 3 Alex Dan divorce should already be final

This week has been so incredibly hard. Over the past week or so we noticed some significant weight loss and lack of appetite. A couple vet visits later and it appears that my boy, Matsson, has leukemia or lymphoma. He's lost 30% of his bodyweight and all of his usual vigor and spice. We considered chemo, but the best outlook even if he responds to treatment is only a few more months.
So we've made the devastating decision to put him on steroids and make him comfortable. To snuggle him constantly. To try to make it possible for him to come with us to my family home this Christmas, where he can lay in the Florida sunbeams one more time. He's only 8. This is so fucking unfair.
I'm bawling just writing this out, but I need to express my emotions somewhere. Matsson was my first adoption. My now fiancee helped me pick him out, back when we were just friends. He's been a central part of our entire relationship. Even as we combined households, adding her two black cats, and adopted a dog together, he's always been my boy. My little man. Our tiny tiger. Our Mr. Spice.
I got Matsson one month before my mom died of ovarian cancer. The last time I talked with her was to introduce him to her over Skype. I can still remember holding him up to the camera like Simba in the Lion King. My mom called him her grandkitty. When she passed a few weeks later, Matsson was all I had, a thousand miles from home. I squeezed him. I cried. I laid in bed and forced him to snuggle me. He helped me get through it all. And he's given me thousands more wonderful cuddles ever since.
I have never known a more patient cat. A more cuddly cat. A cat that would let me flip him upside down, cradle him like a baby, and rub his fuzzy belly. A cat that could find complete peace and contentment in a warm sunbeam and a cozy, fuzzy blanket. A cat that loved every stranger who walked into our house. He always cuddled the new person. He's just that loving and social.
It's been so hard watching him get thinner. Watching as his demeanor has changed. As he seeks a hiding spot upstairs rather than my lap or a sunny window. He cuddled with us in bed last night, but I don't know how many more nights we will be blessed with. I guess all we can do now is make him comfortable and let him know how much we love him. But it feels like I'm losing my firstborn. My best friend.
To whoever reads this, thank you. We will be okay, eventually , but the world needs to know about this sweet loving boy before he's gone. I love him so much. I always will.

How do you do a cat on skype

Everyday Carry. What essentials do you carry on a daily basis?

PART TWO: BEARD WOO'S

PART 3, START OF THE CHAOS