I first read about NUCCA on Reddit after hitting multiple dead-ends, and in pure desperation, decided to try it. I live rurally so I even had to drive 5 hours and pay $700 out of pocket, but it was worth the risk at that point even though 80% of me expected it to be quackery.
First of all, I have never had any health care professional be that thorough or spend that much time with me. Those $700 and two appointments covered four and a half hours. Secondly, I was already relieved after my first appointment because he pieced together what I already knew with some of my symptoms that no one else has been able to figure out in a way that makes COMPLETE sense.
But the most unbelievable thing to me is that after my second appointment, I could clearly tell I was experiencing less pain, and I just realized today that I haven’t taken any pain medication for over a week. Things aren’t great still, but they’re not awful anymore. In the past, even when I was on preventative meds that worked optimistically well I was taking abortive medications at least every other day.
I read enough stories to know there are some MLM-y, scammy NUCCA practices, and obviously every practitioner is different, but damn if I’m not gonna fall in love with this man because holy fucking shit, I can’t believe there’s hope. Even if the buck stops here and all I have is 8 days relatively pain-free and a solid explanation of what’s causing my pain and symptoms, it was worth it and it was definitely worth the risk.

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Synopsis:
Juliette Contzen is a lazy, good-for-nothing princess. Overshadowed by her siblings, she's left with little to do but nap, read … and occasionally cut the falling raindrops with her sword. Spotted one day by an astonished adventurer, he insists on grading Juliette's swordsmanship, then promptly has a mental breakdown at the result.
Soon after, Juliette is given the news that her kingdom is on the brink of bankruptcy. At threat of being married off, the lazy princess vows to do whatever it takes to maintain her current lifestyle, and taking matters into her own hands, escapes in the middle of the night in order to restore her kingdom's finances.
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Action, Fantasy, Copious Ohohohohos.
Chapter 239: Standing Start
A wine bottle rolled against the side of my boot.
Amidst a gallery of stunned faces and open mouths, it was easily the second most lively thing here.
The first was a clockwork doll clutching at her stomach in pain.
“Ahahahha~ ahahaha~ ahah … uck … ack … ughh … ahahaha~”
I pursed my lips.
Still, I said nothing.
For one thing, this was precisely what happened when one ate the mouldy cinnamon rolls combined with any grass growing by the side of the road. If Apple refused to eat something, then so should she.
But for another–
“What … What is this … ?”
It was because the first response was reserved for the baroness.
Her words came out in a quivering tone, matching the disbelief upon her face.
Frankly, she had to do better than that.
Only the wine from the bottle I nudged away dribbled into the soil. And also the line of drool from a comatose farmer. But I didn’t want to think about that.
Still, it was an excellent benchmark. Until her tears could properly overpower the sour aroma from the Château de Riaré Hensoise, I would deem her bawling to be incomplete.
She had a long way to go.
“How … How are you still …” she began, slowly rising from her seat. “This … This is impossible–”
I offered a tidy smile alongside a flick of my hair, relishing in the moonlight adorning my figure.
“I agree. It shouldn’t be possible. But I assure you, my skin is 100% natural.”
“E-Excuse me … ?”
“No magical enchantments. No unicorn elixirs. No witchly glamors. Just a healthy sleep schedule of however many hours I desire and a diet of fresh strawberry shortcakes.”
The baroness mouthed silently at my secrets being revealed.
A strange way of offering her gratitude. Other princesses hounded my door for this knowledge. Given her pale, blotchy skin and lips as dry as a pond in a desert, she should be pleading for more.
Instead, she pointed at the fallen drunk beside us.
“This … This shouldn’t be possible … no, wait … the clockwork doll … did she–”
She suddenly snapped towards Coppelia, her eyes widening.
“Uuh … ahaha … ugh, it hurts ... ahaha … it hurts so much … ahaha … my tummy … aha … oh no … I’m … I’m seeing daisies … aha … I … ugh … I think I need help …”
Coppelia hugged her stomach, writhing like a freshly hatched caterpillar. Her eyes darkened as hiccups of laughter assailed her defeated form.
The baroness pursed her lips.
Then, she turned to Renise instead.
“Did you–”
“A-Amazing! … I … I have no idea what you did … but it wasn’t just wonderful … it was beautiful! The colours! The warmth! It was like a rainbow come to life!”
With a smile worthy of any attendant, the maid brought her hands together in polite applause. Naturally, to be praised for my brushwork was nothing new to me. Nor was the sight of stars shining in her eyes with greater brightness than any in the night sky.
Why, that even came whenever I left my bedroom.
“You … how did … how did you defeat him … ?”
The strands of the baroness’s golden hair began to frizzle as she turned towards me. All I saw were her tonsils. Bright red and healthy. She should be pleased.
“This was … this was no common man … do you know who he is … ?”
Without offering a chance to ignore her, she stamped a foot, pointing at the fallen drunk with maddened jabs. The man offered no defence, now as spent and drained as the bottle beside him.
I raised a brow.
“Indeed, I do. He’s a farmer who made poor life choices. And between leaving his farm and offering his pitchfork to an overly ambitious baroness, the greater was you. My congratulations on being the superior mistake. I acknowledge your triumph.”
Bwam.
The baroness promptly slapped her palms down on the table.
“This man … is Willem of Hagel,” she said, her teeth gritted together. “A man desperate and cursed.”
“Yes, well, to be a peasant is a dire thing. But it could be worse. At least he isn’t nobility.”
A mouth further widened before me.
Indeed, this was a terrible time to realise her affliction. But I was no famed angel of healing for nothing. There was a cure for ambition. And it involved copious amounts of tears.
I was still waiting.
“There is no world in which you should have been able to defeat him … not if half the tales about him prove true … he is a famed opponent … all the while you are … you are …”
Suddenly, her eyes left my face for the very first time.
No longer feeling that my cheeks were in danger of being poked, she swept her eyes upon my person, as though hoping to find some blemish to signify I was as false as a field of corn.
She stopped at the sword by my side.
And also–
“A copper ring,” she said softly.
Suddenly, my 29th house of cards I was subtly constructing collapsed.
… T-The ring!
The blot on my finger! The insidious badge of shame! The symbol of the Adventurer’s Guild!
Why, I’d taken it for granted that my masterful disguise was impervious! But this was no ordinary noblewoman I was seated across!
This … This was one I’d previously sat across before!
I’d made a terrible mistake!
I was mesmerising! A beautiful princess as charming as I was modest!
There was utterly no scenario in which I’d be forgotten!
I … I should have removed the copper ring!
“O-Oho … ohoho … w-what copper ring?” I said, my hands vanishing below the table at a speed con artists could only nod at. “Ah, do you refer to the ruby inlaid ring I often carry on my hand? The one which changes colour depending on the longitude and latitude? In that case, you may very well have briefly spied something which resembled a copper hue. But it is in fact a thing of unparalleled beauty and craftsmanship. Not a disgraceful copper ring.”
The baroness slowly looked up at me, her eyes blinking.
“No. I wasn’t mistaken. I … I recognise that ring. It is a copper ring, the same size and shape as those worn by … adventurers.”
My mouth widened in horror.
At once, I immediately sought a plant pot or a heavy book. Something to immediately erase the past few seconds of her memory.
Why … if she knew my secret, then the shame would haunt me all the way until I’d found something weighing at least equivalent to a standard hardback!
“I see,” she mumbled, as much to herself as me. “I understand now …”
The baroness removed her palms from the table.
She stood up straight, a hard expression upon her face. One which calculated with each passing moment the optimal way to exploit this devastating information.
Then, she took in a deep breath–just as I began assembling the playing cards into a thick pile.
“… it must be a legendary artifact.”
As I began eyeing her temple … I blinked in non-understanding.
“Excuse me?”
She nodded, her frown harsh enough to permanently crease her skin.
“To wear such a plain, ugly and shameful ring … one which utterly demeans your history, your worth and your pride, destroying any semblance of dignity you possess–”
My hand went to my stomach, struck by as much pain as Coppelia had experienced in a single moment.
“–indeed, to wear a ring so easily mistaken as one belonging to adventurers, the vermin of the world … it must be a truly terrifying artifact.”
I blinked.
And then–
“Ohhho … ohoohho! You … You see the truth of it!”
The baroness squeezed her fists by her side.
“I knew it.”
I nodded, my bangs bouncing against my forehead.
“I-Indeed … ! This ring I carry on me … it is a masterful item of supreme quality, passed down along generations of my family! Why, its appearance matching those of rings worn by adventurers is no coincidence! Theirs are based on this very design! Although they have since tarnished it, it was forged back in the first days of the kingdom when copper was greater than gold! Poured within it is knowledge now lost to time! A power beyond compare, called upon from the depths of the Royal Vault!”
The baroness sucked in a hateful breath.
“Then that explains it,” she said with bitterness ringing throughout her voice. “You were able to defeat such a powerful adversary through the use of your family’s ancient heirlooms.”
“Indeed, this powerful ring with a rare ability I cannot disclose defeated a terrifying farmer! Therefore, there’s no need for you to relay any suggestion that I’m anything but a princess, as far removed from the Adventurer’s Guild as hygiene is to their members!”
The baroness gave no response.
A respite which lasted far too short.
“... I see, then it means the plan continues. Different, yes. But I’ll not be deterred.”
She smiled, the familiar sight of aristocratic opportunism mixed with an utter denial of facts shining within her grey eyes.
I could only react with horror.
“Plan?” I replied, convinced she was well and truly several sandwiches short of a picnic. “Do you mean the plan currently lying in a fallen heap beside us? Did you not just say I defeated your farmer? Your only plan now is to decide which part of the ground you wish to offer your forehead to.”
The baroness shook her head with renewed confidence.
“I think not. To defeat Willem of Hagel, you must have expended every effort you had available. Not a crumb of power could be spared, for to underestimate him would have resulted in your certain loss. Meaning …”
Without hesitation, she gave a multipurpose wave of her hand.
“... You’ve nothing left but a sword you cannot wield, and two retainers against all of mine. One of whom is incapacitated. The other a maid.”
She continued to keep her hand raised. Her simple call to arms.
It took several moments before she cared to even look around her.
A sad thing.
If she had, she would have realised the curiosity of her hoodlums was less than their prudence.
She would have noticed the eyes without loyalty, seeing only the fallen figure of a drunk they’d been led to believe was more than a farmer now watering the ground with his drool.
And she would have noticed the state of her dress, as dishevelled as her ambitions as those she relied upon slinked away in search of newer gutters to inhabit, following instincts she could learn as the last of their feet shuffled into the darkness.
The baroness paled.
It was far too early for that. She had no idea Apple was currently resting in her tavern, and wouldn’t be helping her haul all of the goods which needed delivering to a place less damp than here.
But I could sooth her forthcoming backache with a smile, at least for the assistance already provided.
“You have my gratitude,” I said, brushing a speck of … countryside from my lap. “For so long as the nobility continues to concoct slapdash schemes with no hope of success, the kingdom can continue to assign blame on you when all else goes wrong. When the mobs come calling and heads start rolling, it ensures a steady queue of necks can be offered before ours are reached. That is why the nobility continues to exist, you see, despite the ceaseless treason. So allow me to offer a word of advice when next you wish to survive in a position of responsibility. When fleeing, the best defence isn’t to run faster–it’s to trip the person beside you. And this means better hiring practices.”
I glanced pointedly around me.
All this empty space and not even a single eyepatched second-in-command to use as a distraction? An amateur mistake. One the baroness now realised as her mouth opened wordlessly, the realisation of her solitude only now dawning upon her.
Yet all it invited was a newly wrought defiance.
“I do not mean to flee,” she said, her fists tightly clenched. “I am Arisa Sandholt. And even should I be captured here, you would not be afforded a night’s rest. I am not alone. Whether tonight or tomorrow, this kingdom will fall. I am not alone in planning its demise.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Oh, please. Planning my kingdom’s demise is what everyone does.”
“What?”
“If it’s not being actively planned, it’s because someone’s in the middle of planning how to formulate a plan. And then once they’ve finished planning, they wonder why their plan didn’t work as planned. This is not a cause for concern. It’s a sign the world is still spinning the correct direction.”
The baroness feigned a dignified silence.
It was far too late, of course. By default, nobility had no dignity.
Still, I accepted the effort, and filled the silence with a tidy clap of my hands.
“Now, since you’ve no intention of fleeing, you can be useful instead. I’ll require a full inventory of your stock. I intend to requisition every single item you have in your possession. Every grain. Every crown. And every odd piece of tableware, carpet, candleholder and painting you might have.”
I pointed at the barn. A tragic thing to requisition. But if I was fortunate, it’d grow lacquered tiles and bay windows in the short steps between here and there.
Suddenly, the baroness’s eyes widened. The needless defiance dropped alarmingly from her face.
“Wait … what do you mean by that?”
I paused for a moment, puzzled by her reaction.
This was hardly the complicated part.
“I mean exactly what I mean. This should come as no surprise. I will be emptying every corner of the property you’ve misappropriated, including whatever manner of tunnels you’ve carved for your use. Rest assured, I’ll be employing the talents of my retainers extensively. With or without your cooperation, every single inch of your abode will be inspected by myself for the Royal Treasury’s benefit.”
She blinked between Renise and Coppelia. Although one was dressed as a maid and the other now appeared to be napping on the ground, their skills when it came to matters of unearthing valuables in my kingdom’s underbelly was not one I doubted.
Nor, from the way the baroness gulped, did she.
“I can do it,” she said suddenly.
I looked at her in confusion, uncertain what ploy this was.
“... Excuse me? Do what?”
“The items of value. I can bring them out. There’s no need to personally see to such a thing yourself.”
“While I’m in full agreement, I can hardly trust your reliability in this manner. And besides, I’ll hardly be playing the mule. I shall be supervising while closely assessing every item.”
Once more, the tonsils came out.
An appalling disregard of decorum. There was only one time that nobility was permitted to look so horrified in my presence. And that’s if they were copying my own after I discovered a list of marriage suitors posing as a napkin beneath the dessert spoon again.
“E-Even so … as the one who wronged you, I insist on not troubling a princess any further. If you give me a few moments, I can acquire the most important valuables for you in a fraction of the time you’d spend on finding them.”
“A few moments to hide them, you mean. No, I’m afraid that anything you wish to stuff beneath a floorboard will need to be appropriately examined first.”
I leaned away in mild alarm as a bead of sweat ran down the baroness’s face.
A moment later–
She finally did what only someone in her position could.
Adhering to the instincts of all nobility, she swept up her dress and suddenly dashed away.
Except it wasn’t towards the dark forest, to be lost amidst the shadows and the jaws of whatever awaited her there. It was back towards the barn.
I watched as she stumbled several times before even reaching the steps.
“... A desperate sight, no?” I said, with a sad shake of my head. “To throw away all semblance of the image she’d hoped to craft. Now she flees like a frightened towngirl. She should know that escape is now impossible.”
Beside me, Renise let out a hum.
Far from chasing after the baroness, she collected the pack of cards I’d assembled for memory wiping purposes. She began to build a house of cards.
I looked at her in puzzlement. She gave a strangely pained smile in reply.
“I believe we can offer her a few moments.”
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So, as a young kid I knew my family wasn’t normal. I walked on eggshells, my dad threw things, punched holes in walls, my mom guilt tripped us, used me as a therapist, they fought constantly and I knew every single fight and the reasons and what was said and so on. I was scared of my dad, and learned later completely enmeshed by my mom.
I’m looking into therapy again, and it reminds me how my therapist in highschool was leaving and he told me to please keep using therapy. That of all the children he had seen I needed it the most. However, I didn’t keep going. Through college the abandonment of my father emotionally, and the complete lack of boundaries from my mother came in full swing. I couldn’t leave my dorm because my mother would call me constantly, text me constantly threaten to call the police for a wellcheck on and on. My father completely checked out. These are all still happening, but I gave in. I just gave up trying to be independent, to emotionally connect with people, or even work on myself.
Recently the straw broke, I live on my own with my husband, I have a daughter. My parents crossed a massive boundary with her, and then the manipulation tactics set in. She threatened to kill herself, got my dad involved to scare me. And it worked, until my husband stepped in. Now, out of danger in my own home I’m left with this tangled mess my parents gave to me. Things have to change right now, I won’t let their dysfunction go on to live in my baby. I’m looking for a therapist, but the self work has to start now.
So how do you begin? I am completely unable to stand up for myself, I have the lowest self esteem I’ve ever had. My parents are extremely involved in my marriage, my life. I have my location given to them all. I feel guilty for being selfish at all and give in without realizing 95% of the time. I need to know how to create boundaries and deal with the consequences of it. How to cope with the extreme guilt that will be thrown my way. So those further along on their journey, what are the first self work steps you recommend for someone just starting?

Heads-up, score = exp.

New mode is added where you face off against your mentor. Your mentor cannot be defeated. You have 15 minutes to land as many attacks as you can. The mode ends instantly if you are defeated.
Combos multiply your score when the run ends, and the multipliers stack. The first hit in a combo adds a 1.01 multiplier, growing by 0.01 for every following hit in the combo (a 100 hit combo, also known as a z combo, would have a 2.00 multiplier).
A “survival” multiplier exists for the run ending by time. This stacks with combo multipliers. The survival multiplier is based on what class test must be beaten for the mentor to offer their tutorship (I have no idea how many “mentor levels” there are, so let’s just say the survival multiplier goes up by 2.00 per “mentor level”).
I don’t know how score boosting souls work so I won’t use one in the example scenario. Also, title score boosts are deactivated (the words you get on results screen for fighting in certain ways). Every hit you land is worth 100 score.
Example scenario: you finish a run with mentor krillin with two Z combos and a 47 combo. This is 247 landed hits, netting you 24,700 score alone. You got a 2.47 total combo multiplier, adding 2.00 from the survival multiplier for a total multiplier of 3.47. You got 85,709 total score.
This new mode is called Sparring Session. It requires maxing out their first bond meter to parake. Participation adds to their dual ultimate bond meter less than just doing Infinite History DLC story missions, but more than just doing PQs.
Sorry if my math is off btw. I suck at math.

I’ve had anxiety/depression by entire life (and as officially diagnosed at 18 and am now 40). I’ve been off medication for a few years now and (due to work related issues) have not seen my GP for a couple of years. I’ve had some severe work related stress over the past year and a half. Long story short I was “promoted” and worked 2500+ hours last year and have been so overwhelmed. I hadn’t checked my BP pressure in 2 years and after feeling unwell this week decided to check it. Apparently my BP has gone from ~100/60 to ~160/95 in a year and a half.
I am beside myself. The stress of knowing my BP is so high makes my heart race and causes an anxiety attack. It’s an endless cycle and at this point I don’t know if it’s anxiety causing the issue or high BP making my anxiety 10x worse.
Honestly, I’m scared to go to the doctor after so long. My habits aren’t the best (not overweight and exercise 2 hours a day but use alcohol in the evening and vaping to get me through the day). Is this something I can deal with on my own (reduce nicotine and alcohol use) or do I really need to make the dreaded appointment?
I really don’t want to be on a pill for the rest of my life if I can help it (at least not at 40). I quit taking citaloprom (40 mg) on my own without medical assistance and that was God awful. Would prefer to remain drug free if at all possible.

I am a middle-level manager. I have a newer, very strict boss who likes things done a precise way, so I find myself checking in on my own staff very often to make sure they’re keeping up with their work per my boss’s deadlines because I don’t want to give the impression that I am not a strong manager.
One of my employees consistently deflects and gets defensive when I point out things that aren’t being done within a certain time frame.
The thing is, she’s been in this role for 2 years. She knows what her duties are, and her responsibilities have significantly dwindled within the last 6 months due to our department automating and streamlining internal processes. There’s hardly any work to do in her position right now, certainly not 8 hours worth compared to what she used to be responsible for…so I do have an expectation that her remaining tasks are done daily and to their fullest extent. She even vocalized in a 1:1 recently that the work seems slow. I’ve spotted a few times over the last month or so where she misses things, leaves tasks unfinished for over a week, etc.
She always has an excuse as to why, or will flat out say I am mistaken and insists she is doing everything on time even when I show her proof that she is not. This has lead me to following up with her via email and constantly checking in on her or reminding her what to do because I don’t trust that she is remembering/ completing all of her current tasks. I definitely do occasionally question her too much now when I know I should probably let it go. I should have more faith that she can handle things because she used to be one of my strongest team members, but her work doesn’t demonstrate that anymore.
Am I being a micromanager? If so, how can I approach this better?

Heads-up, score = exp.

New mode is added where you face off against your mentor. Your mentor cannot be defeated. You have 15 minutes to land as many attacks as you can. The mode ends instantly if you are defeated.
Combos multiply your score when the run ends, and the multipliers stack. The first hit in a combo adds a 1.01 multiplier, growing by 0.01 for every following hit in the combo (a 100 hit combo, also known as a z combo, would have a 2.00 multiplier).
A “survival” multiplier exists for the run ending by time. This stacks with combo multipliers. The survival multiplier is based on what class test must be beaten for the mentor to offer their tutorship (I have no idea how many “mentor levels” there are, so let’s just say the survival multiplier goes up by 2.00 per “mentor level”).
I don’t know how score boosting souls work so I won’t use one in the example scenario. Also, title score boosts are deactivated (the words you get on results screen for fighting in certain ways). Every hit you land is worth 100 score.
Example scenario: you finish a run with mentor krillin with two Z combos and a 47 combo. This is 247 landed hits, netting you 24,700 score alone. You got a 2.47 total combo multiplier, adding 2.00 from the survival multiplier for a total multiplier of 3.47. You got 85,709 total score.
This new mode is called Sparring Session. It requires maxing out their first bond meter to parake. Participation adds to their dual ultimate bond meter less than just doing Infinite History DLC story missions, but more than just doing PQs.
Sorry if my math is off btw. I suck at math.

Hello,
I applied for a job in a CA school system in March and received a tentative offer in April. I did not disclose that I had a misdemeanor on my record so upon the employer receiving the live scan results they stated they have a nondisclosure agreement and for those reasons they cannot move forward with me.
It was so dumb of me and I completely understood. Not to make any excuses but it was 17 years ago and I have neglected to disclose it since I have been with my current employer for 10 years now. When I applied for positions within the organization I never disclosed my record because my fingerprints were done when I first got hired. Got in a bad habit with other applications from that point on.
Anyway they reposted the position so I applied again, disclosed the item, and got another offer. I just completed my 2nd live scan. I initiated the scan on May 3rd and both the FBI and CA DOJ both state completed as of May 13th. I called my employer to see if there was any movement and they said that my live scan has been “flagged” most likely because it was conducted 2 times for the same position in 1 month.
She couldn’t clarify what this actually meant. It went over my head as she ultimately said she would call me when it clears and she is unable to call the DOJ and check the status until a 14 day window has passed otherwise they won’t give her the time of day.
Has anyone ever encountered this?
TLDR: applied for a job and had the offer rescinded due to not disclosing my record. Applied to the job again and got a 2nd offer pending livescan. Employer says status has not cleared and has been “flagged”.

Hi All-
When looking for testosterone pellet information, I found very little documentation in the form of journals and regular cadence check-ins. The one I found was immensely helpful to me, and I wanted to return the favor. I am six weeks into my first pellet therapy and very happy with the decision to do it.
Prior to the pellet, I was really suffering from massive amounts of brain fog, and I could hardly focus. I had very low energy, no libido (no desire at all), I was unhappy, cranky, and cried easily.
My biggest fear going into this was having a ravenous libido (as some have experienced). I let my doctor know this and we started with a healthy but moderate dose.
I've tried to provide as much detail as possible, but happy to answer any questions.
46 yo
158 lbs, Current T level of 18 (prior test was 11), estrogen is in the normal range
Biote 125mg on 3/29/24
3/29/24 - Day one
The procedure was quick and easy, I was nervous and tense, but it was painless.
No shower for 24 hrs, no soaking for 3 days.
Also taking DIM 150mg once per day (also prescribed a supplement for ADK and B12 but these are unrelated to the T pellet)
Was tendesore at insertion point for a few days but nothing major.
4/5 - 1 week update
Sick for a few days this week (unrelated), so this may impact my overall experience. I haven’t felt any different for the most part.
I rubbed my eyes (thanks to allergies) and lost some eyelashes and brow hairs. it seemed to be more than normal, which could be a tiny side effect, but maybe not. I did notice a few small pimples over the week, but I’m also in my week of menstruation.
I haven’t gained or lost weight, no mood changes.
Still a tiny bit of tenderness at the insertion spot, but it’s very minimal. The incision is completely healed from the outside.
I haven’t been consistent with the DIM supplement due to illness, but have restarted after a few days off.
My doctor did tell me that it may take a few weeks to start to feel the effects of the testosterone.
4/12 - 2 week update
Allergies took over and I had a bad couple of days with extremely low energy. Went to bed at 9pm one night, and the next day had the worst hot flash of my life (beet red from chest to face for a solid 45 minutes.
My weight gain has been minimal but a bummer. I have gained 3 lbs and currently weigh 160.
No change in sexual desire, or energy that I’ve noticed yet.
I met briefly with my doctor, who said I should be feeling it by now, but I’m not. Maybe it's due to a couple of weeks of not-so-great health.
4/19 - 3 week update
I’m starting to notice some changes. In general, my energy seems to be slightly increased. I seem to wake up a bit easier in the mornings. I feel more motivated in general, and more capable of letting go when bad things happen.
I noticed that the mild vaginal dryness I was experiencing is gone. There is no real noticeable change in desire (yet), but I will say that even the slight increase in energy and ability to once again self-lubricate makes me feel more open to the idea of sex.
My weight has leveled off and I have dropped half a lb since the week prior.
5/5 - 5 weeks update
No changes from week 3. Feeling a bit of motivation and more energy to keep going during the day. The biggest change so far has been a decrease in my brain fog. I have clearer thoughts in general and fewer days spent lost to brain fog. I have noticed that the severe breast swelling and tenderness I typically experience ~2 weeks before my period has not happened since being on testosterone. It’s only been 5 weeks, which means I’ve only moved through one cycle, so this may change, but an observation for now. There are no other changes in my cycle to note, but because of the Mirena IUD, I do not typically have periods where I bleed (but I have had a handful of breakthrough bleeding in the last year).
I’ll be going in this week for my 5 week (midpoint) bloodwork and I’m very curious to see what my T levels have balanced out to and talk through what my next dose may be.
5/13 Check-up
160.5 lbs, Testosterone 195!!
Great check-in with my doctor. My testosterone is in a great range at 195. I feel good. Not bad. Thats something worth celebrating! Nothing earth-shattering, but I feel so much better in general. Most days I wake up feeling ready for the day (and waking up is a bit easier), there are fewer brain fog days, my libido has come back (YES!), and I feel much more able to focus and get things done. No breast swelling pre-cycle as I had before, and much less dense fibrous tissue as well (from what I can tell). I think I may have noticed a decrease in inflammation in my joints, but I can’t be sure just yet.
My emotions feel much more in check. In the last few years, I was referred to as a "crier," which made me very self-conscious. Now, when there is conflict or some sort of upset, it's much easier to keep this in check. I still get weepy occasionally; it's just easier to manage. Crying is healthy. I don't not want to cry; I just want the ability to have a bit more control over it.
No side effects other than a few lbs of weight gain (which I’ve read could be water weight and may go away), but I’m fine with this given the other results.
Overall thoughts: I’m really happy with the results. The energy boost is subtle but noticeable after a few weeks. Keeping a journal has definitely helped me check in with myself and take note. I would say this option is worth exploring. Prior to the pellet i tried the gel, but was not happy at all with the results. This is clearly a very personal choice. Gel or injections may be right for others, but pellets work for me.
Honestly, I feel like I'm back to the me I used to be. It's really nice!
I scheduled my next pellet insertion for another 6 weeks out. We’ll continue to monitor levels throughout the year.
I hope this helps others make a more informed decision!

I’ve (F36) been with my boyfriend (M34) for 2.5 years, long distance. In the beginning, obviously things were great. However, early on, I started to see some red flags.
He would lie about the stupidest things…things that didn’t even make sense to lie about. For example, I had visited him and made up a bunch of breakfast sandwiches for him to take to work. After I had gone home, he called me one morning saying that the sandwiches were great. He verbatim said, “I had one while I was running around the house getting ready and another one while I was driving to work.” Later in the day, I said “so those sandwiches were good, huh?” He said “what? I told you I was rushing today. I didn’t have any time for breakfast.” It honestly really scared me, and we never got to the bottom of it. His final comment on the situation was “it worries me, I don’t remember saying any of that to you.”
For reference…he has had multiple head traumas due to abuse by his mom and her boyfriends, abuse by his stepdad, dirt bike accidents, getting kicked in the head by his horses, and when he was married, he mouthed off and got whacked in the head with a frying pan by his ex…
Anyway, he’s VERY generous due to his high paying job and supports me with $1000/month which I apply to my rent (which is $1750). The other day I texted him saying I was craving a margarita, and he immediately sent me money to go get myself one. I didn’t need the money, but the gesture was thoughtful.
But lately, he’s just been really sketchy, mean, and self centered.
Sketchy: During the day, he is great about letting me know where he’s going and what he’s doing, usually; come evening though, he will sometimes just fall off the face of the planet and I cannot get a hold of him. He claims he doesn’t hear my calls or texts but he has a watch which is connected to his phone, so I know he’s ignoring me. We’ve talked about it a lot but he just says that he doesn’t need to give me an update every 10 min. And it’s like, no, you don’t…but once every 2 hours should be doable.
Mean: Today I was just having a rough day accompanied by a terrible headache. I called him because I knew he was off work and I just wanted to see if talking with him could put me in a better mood. Regarding my headache, he threw in a quick “you’ll be fine” line. When I told him I was feeling depressed and sad that he never asks how I was doing (more about that later in the “self centered” section), he said “you always tell me! I don’t need to ask! You BOMBARD my phone with 20 messages about your day so there’s no need to ask! I’m not gonna text you every hour and be like ‘how are you?’ I haven’t done that since junior high!” First off…I do text him sometimes, sure, but I do not “bombard” him. And the first thing that came to mind when he said that to me, was ‘he’s insecure that I actually DON’T text or call near as much as I used to, so he’s making things up to make himself feel more important and needed’. I said “well do you prefer that I don’t text you during the day and just wait til you’re off work to talk?” He said “umm no. That’s a game. Don’t play games with me.” I thought it was a possible solution…
Self Centered: Today, he knew I had a long commute in very stressful traffic. Instead of asking how my drive was, he texted me that he had broken his truck window, followed by a picture. Honestly, he’s not great at responding to my messages, and since I was driving, I didn’t respond. He eventually called to tell me the WHOLE story in FULL detail, not once, but twice! This is very common. He will tell me a story, and then tell me the same exact story again. And if I say “oh you already told me that”, he gets angry! So I just have to listen and come up with a new reaction, otherwise he will say I’m being rude. It’s like, he just loves the attention from his stories.
Later on, we were talking about my work and I started to tell him a story. He thought he knew what I was going to say so he tried to finish my sentence. I gently said, “oh, no that isn’t what I was going to say.” He said “oh, well that’s what I’M going to say.” I responded with an “ohhhkay…” which caused him to loudly exhale and say “FINE, what were you going to say?! My God!”
He can really be so mean. And we’ve tried talking about it, which just results in him talking over me, and not listening to anything that I say.
It’s been about three months since we have seen each other and I’m actually supposed to head his way next week for his niece’s wedding.
I know that he will be working the whole time I am there with the exception of the day of the wedding, so we won’t have to spend a lot of time together. Pretty sad to say that.
I just feel like he’s such a broken person who has been through so much trauma in his life. He really does have a lot of amazing qualities, but I feel like I just see less and less of them. I pray about the relationship all the time, but is there a point that I need to leave and just let God handle him when he’s not in a relationship?

Hi (M23) I’ve started new job as a pharmacy tech, first job experience with the medical field currently in school for a position in the healthcare industry. Finals coming up for two classes and I’m working full time at This new job for the past 4 weeks can’t go back to old job cause owner was VERY upset with me leaving. I’ve been working since I was 16 mostly retail in the food industry and have never really royally F@&$ up. Until now the F up was not only charging the wrong prescription to a customer but giving the wrong card back to the customer who then left with the other customers card. Of course I panicked and tried to salvage the situation by trying to figure out the customers name to look up there information and call them to tell them they have the wrong card. But with everything with school and job training I’ve had the worse brain fog ever and just forgot the name and everything of the customer. To the point where my other coworkers have to fix my mess, the head pharmacist gets mad/disappointed and harks on me the rest of the shift because of my incompetence (eventually smoothing thing over with me and telling me it wasn’t completely my fault) but the frustration and shame were to inducing I just beat myself up over it and focus on just doing better the rest of the shift. To the point one of veteran tech noticed and gave me a pity hug. So I ask should I just be a man stop being a little bitch about it and just head in and continue the job like normal? Another question as well should I have even took the hug or does that make me look even more weak?

So in the flashback arc we get the statement from Satoda sensei that those 3, Sakamoto, Nagumo, and Rion, can beat anyone if they work together. Now obviously Sakamoto and Nagumo are currently injured and Rion isn’t exactly around and they’re fighting a freaking force of destruction! So why bring this up? Well what if Akira is the replacement for Rion not alt personality Uzuki?
Akira is basically lesser Rion. She’s got the killing pathways, weapon proficiency, and skill when in bloodlust mode. Know I’m not saying she’s anywhere near as lethal as Rion was but she would be a better fit with Sakamoto and Nagumo much better than Uzuki, Rion personality or not. Akira also happens to have a reason to show up at the museum. And a reason to fight Takamura.
My theory is that Gaku will do reasonably well at stalling Takamura for a decent amount of time. Giving Mr. Reindeer enough time to fix up our boys and Akira to show up. We, the reader, and Akira will find out exactly what happened to Rion. I assume this will clear Uzuki and pit all the blame on Asaki. I believe this will be about the point where Gaku loses and round 2 starts. Akira has stated she wants closure for her aunt leading me to believe she’ll want to kill Asaki so she’ll most likely have to go through Takamura to get to him. Sakamoto have a vast amount of experience fighting against and with Rion therefore I posit they would be able to fight with Akira fairly seamlessly. Playing off her strengths and covering for her weaknesses based off of their general experience and time with the Rion.
Lastly we have Kanaguri and his desire to make a great movie. You’d be hard pressed to find a better thing for a movie in the Sakamoto verse than a fight between Takamura the current strongest, Sakamoto the previous strongest, Nagumo top of the order, and a girl hell bent on revenge!

Hi! this is a little embarassing to post here, but i need some input from others.
I (21F) have a crush on my best friend (21M). We've known each other for a year now and have become very close with one another. We hang out pretty much everyday at uni, as well as call/text, send each other tiktoks, and facetime a lot.
I like him, but its hard for me to gauge if he's into me too. It's hard to tell what's a sign (romantic/flirty), or what's just normal things between close friends. If it helps, neither of us have been in relationships (or kissed anyone, or any of that stuff) before. We're both on the same page in terms of those things, haha.
I feel like some of the things we do are not normal 'guy-girl' friendship things; these seem to go beyond that. I've been interpreting these things as more "romantic" than what normal friends do. Can you guys help me figure out what seems like a sign, and what doesn't?

• He calls me pretty, constantly. Many times, he has told me that I'm a "pretty girl" and that I can get away with a lot of things. Him calling me pretty has come up more times than I can count.
• We facetime for hours, even late into the night (until 3-4 am). Not playing games together, just talking about things.
• He has introduced me to his close friends (even outside of school). One weekend, he invited me to come with him to 3 parties in a row (same weekend)
• Everyone assumes we are dating (family, mutual friends, professors all assume it.)
• I don't ask for relationship advice, he will just start telling me it sometimes.
  • says stuff like "if you want to get a guy to like you, do ____. That's worked on me."
  • once i broke a bet i made with him, and he kept going on about how you can't lie to your partner in a relationship. I told him he's not my partner, but he still kept talking about it.
• Once (on another late night facetime call) he asked about my relationship status, and if I've had my first kiss yet.
• Worries about my health, A LOT.
  • a few months ago, i was dealing with some eye problems, when i complained to him about it, he went on searching online for symptoms and fixes. every time i saw him, he would ask how my eyes are doing, and point out other things he searched up that it could be. Months later, eyes are fixed now, yet he still asks: "how are your eyes? do they still hurt?"
  • I used to drink too much coffee, and everyday he would always nag at me to stop. He'd tell me it was bad for my overall health, anxiety, etc. Eventually he made up a bet to get me to drink less caffiene.
• This one makes me think a lot: he worried about my courseload/extracurriculars at school, and how much I can handle. He then made a list of classes I could do instead to help make things easier for me.
  • He got worried for me, asking if I really could manage all of that at once. He then went through our college's list of minors and courses and tried to find something easier for me to do so that I wouldn't be overwhelmed.
  • He even told me on a facetime call about it: "One day you're going to have a nice boyfriend, and you won't have any time for him if you get involved in all of those things around school."
  • (I understand that it is good to have a friend look out for you. but some of this seems above and beyond what even I would do for a close friend.)

Sorry for the long post! I'm happy to have a supportive friend. But some of the things that we do don't feel like normal 'girl-guy' friendship things.
What do you guys think? Are these signs?

For context - we’re all 18, graduated last year and They’ve been dating for two months but they’ve known each other for a year. I also have a boyfriend and I have a great support network of friends (two in particular have been helpful), family and I just started going to therapy. We’ve been friends for 15 years and we’re basically family. Most importantly, I have a boyfriend of one year who has been my rock throughout this and without him I think I’d go insane. (Just in case anyone thinks im jealous of the relationship itself) But she is very comfortable with him and has called him one of her top five friends and it’s amazing seeing them get along. When they first met she thought he was a wanker, and he is and she still does think that (yeah I don’t get it either) but she went to his formal in November and they started becoming good friends and the more they saw each other, the more the tension grew. They hooked up in February and started dating in March. Here’s the thing - I don’t like him, I think I may hate him but for my sanity I won’t admit that. As a matter of fact, she has no idea I don’t like him, I know that with these problems he has, she needs to be the one to realise that, and if I put myself between them she’d choose me but I will never do that to her. The other thing is, I know she needs this experience, I should not and will not be the person to point out his flaws. If she cannot realise that on her own… well I don’t know. But I know she is aware of these, but they haven’t hindered her passion and care for him. He has made comments to my family, he said to me my brother will get ‘clipped’ because of his name, which is awful, and my little brother, along with my siblings are so dear to me they are like my family. It’s also important to note that I am very friendly to this guy and we get along fine, he just always says something a little fucked but I keep that to myself and repeat it to my boyfriend and sometimes my best friend - I don’t give my input I just am like ‘he said this… im surprised you were accepting of that’ and she usually (genuinely) agrees ‘it’s fucked’ and brings it up w him, he apologises and then she’s fine w it (not sure but I can only assume because she rlly likes this guy, and it’s only grown, so clearly nothing has changed). I have a few concerns about this whole situation 1. How the hell can she forgive this guy who has made derogatory remarks about my family more than once and just being generally hateful to the people around him and then still look at him with this love (which by the way, they haven’t said I love you yet but she hangs out with him every two nights - including mothers day AND the night before mothers day so she ?… you gotta really love someone to put them in front of your mum) 2. She keeps telling me don’t worry it’s not like I’m going to marry him but DUDE you told me never in a million years would you date him! And the thing is… She didn’t think so, but I knew, once they started getting closer it became apparent it to me that it was only a matter of time… She’s never had a good understanding of her own feelings, so I can’t blame her, but it is so frustrating that it seems like I know her better than she knows herself - which she’s told me over and over again. 3. This is the worst part… I feel like I think less of her because of whose she’s dating. This man is arrogant, rude, fake and disrespectful. He’s good to her and they have a great time together. But if he’s rude, how can she allow that. I’d be ok with that if she was like nah I don’t like him too much we just have fun. But she likes him! She truly does. And I can’t help but hate that... How do I stop thinking less of her? It’s not really her fault but I can’t help it! I feel so immature and selfish and she deserves so much better than the way I’m feeling And I know she loves me so so much, and I promise if I had a doubt I’d say that here. But for some reason I get so stressed by this and I don’t fully understand why and how to help myself. And if I can’t help myself, how can I help her? But then there’s the concern that these concerns are illegitimate. I’m also worried that this is all in my head… I know why I care, it’s because I love her more than life itself and I want her to have everything she deserves, but I’m starting to worry I care TOO much. Every time we go out I talk about why I’m worried —> she understands (and agrees?) —> I feel better for two or three days —> I stress out —> I talk to her and the cycle continues. It’s draining! The thing between them has been going on for three months (dating for two) and it’s been almost the worst three months of my life. I am constantly met with confusion, grief, anger and overall despair. I know this is coming across as ’typical teenage drama’ and I’m sure it probably is that, and I know in five years I will be adjusted to this and he’ll be long gone. But this is so hard! I cannot find peace! Someone please help me figure out a way to accustom to these feelings and how much I need to change or talk

Hello all!
Today is an unfortunate day on my end - my daily driver studio monitors of nearly 20 years, the ADAM A7s have gone kaput. I’m honestly devastated.
Today I booted them up and to my dismay when I loaded up the commercial I was doing some music editing for, the image was leaning aggressively right. I solo’d out each side and there’s certainly something wrong with the range below 100hz and the crossover range around 2k so I can’t use them in their current condition. My assumption is there’s a failing/leaking electrolytic cap like what this guy found a few years ago: https://www.pgmusic.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=746967
Thankfully for now I have a set of B&O BeoVox 5700s I just finished restoring and recapping with polycaps and new resistors, and they sound excellent, so they’re a workable substitute for now (arguably better sounding than the A7s minus a bit of top end detail from the ribbon tweeters) but they’re 50 years old and there’s still some wonk to a few of the drivers so I don’t trust them completely.
On the horizon are a set of HiVi 3.1s that I’ll be building with the Sehlin Option #5 perfectionist crossover. With the AMT/ribbon tweeter and 6.5” woofer I’d imagine the HiVi 3.1s would pair super well with the remaining A7 components for a center speaker. I’d love to fix the ADAMs, but I’ve been looking at upgrading monitors for a while (always intending to keep the ADAMs as an alt set 😪) and really enjoy the midrange detail the 3-way B&O speakers provide. The B&Os have also gotten me really into crossover design and DIY stuff in general, so I figure building a super accurate 3-way like the HiVi 3.1s with the crossover mod would be a fun upgrade over trying to fix a 20 year old monitor with failing components or dropping $1.5-2k on a new set of ADAMs.
That got me thinking and the plan in question is to repurpose the right ADAM A7 as a center channel as it’s still fully operational. Since just the woofer amp has failed on the left speaker and there’s no damage to the drivers but I’m sure they’re still in good shape. That said, I’m also assuming the right amp is just behind the left and could go any day now, especially as some of the earlier symptoms of failure have been starting to happen on the right side.
Could I, in theory, build an MTM/MTTM style enclosure for the Right ADAM’s components and place either or both of the drivers from the left speaker in this new enclosure and build a frankenstein center channel a la the A77X, either in line with the A77X’s single tweeter or possibly with two tweeters? For said speaker, I see two real options - either building an MTM/MTTM 2.5 way speaker with the existing (failing) amps OR I build a passive 3-way crossover and make an A77X clone (plus an extra tweeter) that is a proper 3 way.
I’m imagining three ways of doing this that go up in complexity:

1. Put in only 3 drivers (MTM 2.5 Way) and use the working amps from the right speaker only to drive all 3 drivers by powering both woofers from the same amp. I’d imagine I could I’d just splice and solder two ends to each cable.
   • I’d assume here the woofers would receive less power, and that would either be extremely problematic and they won’t move properly, or they would miraculously combine together to add up to the equivalent power of one woofer powered by one amp, but as I write that it feels like a pipe dream.
2. Put in all 4 drivers (MTTM 2.5 Way with the tweeters vertically aligned) and use the amps from the right speaker and run a second set of wires to both the second woofer and second tweeter from their corresponding amp - again by splicing.
   • I’d assume this would give me half the power to both drivers, which could be problematic. If again somehow it’s not problematic, I’m sure I could compensate with level calibration as I’ve got a pretty flexible routing & output system in my home Atmos room and I’ve got 6db of headroom on the input gain dial.
3. Put in all 4 drivers (MTTM 3-Way) and build a new passive crossover around the driver specs. In a cabinet of that size I could either single or bi-amp with an internally mounted amp like a Fosi Audio V3.
   • I like this idea more than doing nothing and using the remaining A7 as a center as I’d have all new components in the crossover and another failing amp wouldn’t leave me without a center channel. Also don’t like the idea of an asymmetrical center and it would have to lay horizontally underneath my monitor.

Any thoughts on this idea? Did I drink too much coffee today and now I’m just tweaking or is this a potential project?
Sidenote: I’m not particularly worried about the enclosure, a woodworker friend of mine is collaborating with me to build some speakers for her house and she has unlimited access to a woodshop with free wood as a part of a fellowship she’s been accepted into.

In about a week, I’ll be leaving the US to study abroad in Europe for 5 weeks, which will mean a 7 hour time difference. My boyfriend and I are in college, have been dating for two years, and recently moved in together a few months ago. Things are great between us, but I’m worried about him when I go abroad. He doesn’t really have any friends, mostly just me and his parents who live 2 hours away. He will visit them on the weekends and he working full time during the week, so he will be somewhat busy. We also have a cat that will keep him company a bit.
My worry is that he is going to get really depressed and lonely. I know with the time difference and his work/my classes we won’t be able to talk a ton. He says that he’s going to be fine, but I know he’s just saying that because he doesn’t want me to worry. Do you guys have any suggestions for things that I could do/say to make this transition easier for him? As of now, I got him a jar of notes for all 34 days I’ll be gone, but I’m trying to think of some other ideas.
Do you guys have any suggestions of gifts or maybe some apps that could help us stay in contact more? I’m just very worried about him.

Started Hades a week ago and really enjoyed it but I’ve really hit a wall for like a couple days
I’ve got all the weapons and most of the keepsakes and a good upgrades for the mirror but I just can’t seem to beat the game
I got to hade boss fight once and depleted his first health bar but I have not even been able to get out of Elysium
Maybe I just don’t know how to create good builds but it just feels so luck based at a certain point. Not getting any good boons or anything and can’t craft any builds I like.
Elysium just been kicking my ass. So many enemies and they all just have so much health, it feels like I have to do so much just to window down their health bars.
Maybe I’m just bad at the game but I’m really getting frustrated and losing enjoyment because of how hard of a wall I’ve hit. because I’ve already got all weapons and most keepsakes it just doesn’t feel like I can work towards anything else to improve my odds to complete the game.
Just venting :)
Edit: I don’t know if this is a glitch but whenever I equip a god keepsake after leaving Tartarus it doesn’t give me that gods boon immediately. Like if I equip adamant arrowhead after defeating a erinye the next boon I get won’t be Artemis.

ok ok ok ik this is gonna be a basic white kid story but I hope it helps some of ya’ll
so me m15 turning 16 in one week struggles with very severe anxiety, my dad was imprisoned and on parole since I was 2, I’ve lived with a single mother all my life, and have multiple mental disorders. These include adhd severe anxiety mild depression PTSD and undiagnosed (getting evaluated soon) autism and bipolar. I am currently a tenth grader and have grown up in church all my life. I got saved when I was five and always believed in God but mever truly trusted in him. well over time bc of the PTSD of my dad and mom one aspect of it is bc of my parents divorce and my loneliness I’ve struggled very badly with severe crushes that I can’t control bc I feel desperate to be in a relationship and have somebody to love who I won’t be afraid to leave me and romance is very serious to me It’s not just for fun to me I date to one day marry if I can bc i dont plan on it anytime soon at all but ik very well that any girl i date could end up being my wife and if she does I want it to be a good healthy relationship bc it isn’t likely but idk the future so who am I to tell. anyways, I had a bery bad experience with a girl who led me on and I fell deep in live with her a year ago but eventually she broke my heart. we are still friends and we have both matured and learned from that and i like her again as of now and am still struggling with accepting being single but shes a much better person than she was and was still very young then (1 year younger yhan me whoch is a lotta maturity at my age depending on the person) but after realizing I was living a lie the whole time feeling ok bc of all that thinking id finally have a girl (I’d broke. up with a girl after only two weeks due to circumstances neither of us wanted but still that already left a scar) and so I broke down into tears but soon went on a NYC trip on a plane for the first time. but secondly me and my dad have a very spontaneous relationship to say the least. He loves me more than anything ik that but we are both very stubborn and very firm in our very different beliefs and opinions. I wont get into all of that bc im not getting political or say anything that might be taken the wrong way or offensive but we argue a lot and he is a very manipulative person like me neither of us realize it half the time but we are both working on it but with him being my dad he automatically has more authority to overpower me and make me feel trapped. Along with that my parents fight A LOT well did over me and visitation and stuff so much that since I was in kindergarten I felt like they were providing for me but I was THEIR parents wich put so much pressure on me. so with all that combined all my life suppressing not even feeling it eventually it built up and after an amazing LIFE CHANGING trip to nyc last year after all thats happened and my mental instability, came one last thing. Makeup work

Alt account, mid 20s m
I’ll try not to make this too long, but I’m genuinely hurt and I can’t really see anything that will make things better. For context, I got to therapy and am on anti depressants. I don’t think I’m a great person or anything, but I just don’t know how much more I can give. If the post is too long I apologize in advance, I don’t want people to feel like they need to read all this stuff.
P.S. I have already called a friend and they are on the way to help me. I just wanted to get my feelings out somewhere others can see. I haven’t done this before so bear with me… also I have ADhD so if shit gets over explained that’s just how it goes. I’m working on it
My family has a pretty bad codependency problem and I’ve always been seen as “the mediator” or “third party”. More or less it just meant that I was always involved in everyone else’s issues and they would look to me because I was the most understanding. I genuinely have a hard time even writing that because something deep in my brain feels wired to say it’s fake, but in my heart it feels true.
To get to the point, one of my siblings and I have been having issues for a couple months now. It all started when I felt uncomfortable about a carpool offer they had given me for a family event. For more context, my family events tend to take 4 hours and this sibling would often “have other plans” once we left so I’d be out for waaaay longer than I anticipated. I know it’s stupid to say that I don’t wanna be outside all the time but I genuinely just need some time alone. I’ll also add that this is not the only thing I’m dealing with. I got a high stress job, a friends funeral and changes to my lifestyle that are all adding to this mess.
This is not the first time, or even second time this has happened. This sibling has had issues with everyone in the family and was about to completely run away before I told them that I still want them in my life and that I can help them re aclimate with the family. It just sucks that they kinda threw me away and don’t even care that I’m hurt. I’m trying to be strong and not just give into this recurring behavior but it just feels overwhelming.
My family keeps telling me that I need to reach out first and that I need to be the bigger person. I get calls from my mother where she just slips in how I should fix this saying stuff like “well I know you didn’t do anything, but you know how this goes”, “they just react that way, you need to be the bigger person” “they will do what they want, just forget about what happened”
Idk, I just genuinely feel like nothing makes sense anymore. I’ve been doing everything I can to make my family happy and they just continue to need more. I just can’t take any more of the pain from them. I mean for fucks sale my mom still talks about shit I told her makes me uncomfortable or upset by saying “oh I know you said you don’t wanna talk about this but we need to”. Lately they’ve been using the threat of calling my brother over so that I’m forced to talk things out.
I’ve been told my entire life that I was always too late with my complaints. Like when someone did something wrong and I finally got the courage to tell them, they would always say that I took too long or that I’m being dramatic. It’s gotten to the point that I don’t even know if I’m being too sensitive right now. Like this kind of emotional processing wasn’t even a thing before I moved out.
I do really love my family and I have accepted that the past is the past, but it feels like they want me to just forget without them having to do anything. I have year of these issues that are piled up and I’m only just not getting to deal with them, but the weight of all this family pressure just makes me want to lock myself up and never talk again.
I feel like I’m the problem, my whole family has issues and I shouldn’t just assume that mine are more important. I so badly want to just forgotten so I can just live with the hurt and not hurt them anymore. I have a part of me that wants to be happy, and a part that wants to be a good son, brother,whatever. I don’t think I can do both and maybe that’s something I need to live with.
I feel like a broken person and I’m at my last rope. I have a very deep love someone which is why I’m fighting, but I just don’t know if this family is worth all this pain.
Thanks to anyone who read the whole thing, this is definitely too long. Definitely spiraled at the end there. I have someone with me no so I’m just gonna post this and…. Idk I guess figure it out from here
For those going through their own struggles, I hope you know that you are always worth something to someone. I’ve been blinded by negativity for a long time and I hope someone can take something positive from this. Shit sucks, but the moments of light is what keeps me going at this point.
Peace and love ❤️ trying to keep this positive

I had a hard day. I feel like I need to put this is writing because I know I’m not good at expressing myself. Maybe this will help another stay at home mom out there that feels alone. Before I start, I want to mention that I am extremely grateful for my situation because as most people, no way could I afford child care.
Today, my toddler was sick. We went to the doctor early today to get him medicine and checked to make sure it wasn’t something more serious. Luckily it wasn’t but we’re definitely in for the long haul on this cold. I also feel myself getting sick which doesn’t help how tired I’m feeling.
Obviously I know today is an outlier because working from home with my son is usually a breeze. He takes long naps, he plays, he wants cuddles and to play outside. He’s so independent and I love that for him. But when he’s sick, he wants me the most. I totally understand because I was a mamas girl when I was sick too. Trying to get just a single task done today felt almost impossible.
I think what’s frustrating me the most, obviously isn’t him but, is that I’m most likely not going to be able to go into work for the meetings I have this week. Again not a huge deal because I can just zoom in when I need to. I think the frustrating part is I feel like my job means less. If our son is sick, I have to stay home and take time off and not my husband. He’s the bread winner so of course it makes sense that I have to take the time off and put his career first because we’d literally be no where without him. I’d also like to note that my husband is incredible. He does everything for me and our son and never blinks an eye. It’s not him telling me I have to do these things. It’s me telling me that “no don’t ask him, he literally just worked a long shift. Figure it out yourself. Don’t ask for help. You can do this. You have to stay home. Don’t ask him to stay home. You chose this career.”
It’s crazy how that looks on paper but I truly stand by those thoughts.
My career feels less important. My work feels less important. My stress feels less important. My tiredness feels less important. Everything feels less important.
I am a mom. I have to just keep chugging because I am his mom. Shit is tough and I have to keep going because what else am I supposed to do.
Today I felt alone and sad and frustrated. But I also feel like I have no right to those feelings because he’s sick. I feel like I’m constantly in a battle with myself. I don’t feel like the me I was before a baby (obviously duh) but personality wise I feel different most days.
On top of that, I haven’t fully grieved the loss of my dog and I really feel like that is effecting me emotionally. I think that factors into the loneliness because I also had her at the end of the night or in the middle of the day to cuddle with and really decompress.
Today was hard but honestly everyday has an aspect of being hard. When my husband says, “oh yeah he was so easy for me”. I’m so grateful for that but it also sucks because then why am I struggling? I know it’s because again, he’s a mamas boy and I’m always home so obviously he’s most attached to me. I know one day I’ll miss this but being a mom is hard.
At this point, I don’t even know what I’m getting at…I guess if you’re also a mom out there feeling alone and less than. Just know I’m here too feeling those feelings. Which I guess makes us not alone…

I recently purchased a zero turn mower at a pretty good discount. I later decided to get the three year protection plan for $300. The plan claims to reimburse 50% on maintenance items up to $100 annually and will rebate 30% if no claims filed. I can see using up a good chunk of the $100 annually. I have several older mowers and really bad luck with all of them, despite excellent maintenance. This is what prompted the purchase. I know some people have had issues with the protection plans, but I haven’t read anything about mowers.
My question is, am I a sucker or is there a chance this will work out in my favor?