How do you tell your partner the ghosting and isolation is hurting you without making them feel like it’s their fault? We’re currently LDR and it’s really hard not to worry when he’s ghosting and isolating himself. He doesn’t feel like he can show his feelings because he never did it with family. Last time we talked he said it’s tough for him when he threw things out. He’s a widower and he also lost his dog. He’s been at his mom’s for months and when he finally went back home, he had to face everything again and clean and went into a spiral. He left me before, I didn’t know he’s suffering from depression at that time and would constantly ask him to communicate and made things about me, but now that I know I’m careful not to do it again, but also it’s hard not to worry. Also worried about his kid, she might be needing support as well and since he turns to sleeping the depression away, kid might feel unsupported too. He says he loves me and is sorry for not showing it as much. Said he would get help too and I hope he does.

I seriously don't think it was a good idea having me cook, clean, do my parents laundry, look after my 30 something year old special needs brother, help my mom shower, and get groceries.
I usually struggle just cleaning my own damn room. I honestly should have gotten a new job. My mom told me I shouldn't before she got her surgery and she said I should take care of her.
I hate to say it but working retail is less stressful than dealing with her and my brother.
I don't want to be a caregiver for anyone. Everything I do isn't correct for her and I just want to have a chill day instead of having her shout at me for mopping while she went to the restroom and telling me I might make her fall down because of that. (Even though I didn't notice she went to the restroom)
Like I've seriously ran out of patience for her and my brother. My brother is mentally disabled so despite being annoying and constantly arguing with me, he can't really help being like that.
My mom will get up and do things even though she shouldn't. And then gets mad when I don't just want to spend every moment of my day cleaning.
I'm probably the problem. Maybe I'm a bad son but I just hate this. I hate being around her and her view of life. She always wants to do something cleaning related and never lets herself relax. Being around her is the worst. I should want to help her but honestly I just feel tired and stressed.
I wish we just hired someone but that probably isn't possible. I just know I'm not very compassionate and dealing with my mom leaves me feeling upset and angry 24/7

Why did I get such a shitty life? What did I do to deserve to be the way I am? Why does the world hate me?
I wish so badly to get a new and better life. The one I have is awful. I hate everything. I just wish I could change everything with a snap of a finger. I hate being in constant pain, both physically and mentally. I just wish there was something that could be done. Instead I’m grasping for hope that’s not even there. I have to stop myself multiple times a day from hurting myself. And my suicide ideology is a constant thing in my mind. The world is always against me and I just want to throw in the towel. I know my happy days are long gone. I can’t even remember the last time that I was truly happy without faking anything. It just sucks seeing everyone around striving in life while I’m stuck. Maybe I’m just better alone and and far from people. They have the world going for them while I don’t.

So to start, if we had a competition for the most toxic family in the country. My family would get to the finals.
Ever since I can remember, even the simplest of tasks are impossible without 'kalesh' and 'neechpan'. I feel like getting into the details is something I should do only with a therapist.
I personally checked out of this circus mentally like a decade ago. I just laugh at people shouting in my face these days, it has helped me a lot career wise.
Now, my sister has been affected by this a lot. She has developed this habit of not doing even the simplest of things without 'kalesh' and 'neechpan'.
My parents are well off, we don't have any liabilities left. Own multiple properties and so on.
My sister dated a lovely guy for a year and since he's from the same community, they turned it into an arranged marriage. The guy is not aware of how our family is, or how my sister can be. He is from an extremely well off family and is a genuinely great guy, sweet kind and understanding. He had a last relationship fail which sent him into depression which took a lot of effort and time.
When both families met, my parents knew that the groom's side cannot say no and they used it to their advantage. Lowballed them on the marriage expenses talk, said we'll spend only 15L on the wedding. I'm no fan of dowry, especially in my own sister's wedding.
But the least we can do is share the wedding expenses fairly, seeing the status of their family we can easily manage to afford such a wedding by selling off one property, 50L would be appropriate.
But my parents do not even want to spend the 15L, while my sister wants to spend like it is going to be a 1 cr wedding. My parents spent around 30L on her education (barely 5L on mine lol, scholarships) now My sister earns as well, but she does not want to spend her own money on her wedding, she even has some savings she is not willing to spend on her own wedding. I don't pick sides bw her and my parents as they are constantly in a competition to find out who is the worst person in our family.
Normally I would not care about all this and just be there for the photos and the food like I have been in all the family events so far. But this affects my plans as well, my parents have asked me for a year worth of my salary for the wedding expenses, and it's going be my first year of earning properly and having enough money in my account to actually buy something for myself.( Never did that actually, parents have money but never gave me any)
Now I don't understand why she won't use her own money, or why they won't sell one of our properties to pay for it. My parents think they can take their wealth with them after death. My sister thinks they'll change their mind if she fights ugly enough. And here I am learning that family helps each other financial only after I started earning.
I decided to go and meet my would be Jiju, what a lovely guy he is. I feel extremely guilty that someone so nice will have to deal with this never ending 'kalesh' and 'neechpan'. There is almost a moral outcry from within to stop this marriage.
Should I help my sister secure a good future or should I help an innocent guy who's getting in something he cannot handle ?
(I know my wedding is going to be one hell of an event, going to call a camera crew and make The Office style documentary if I can, but let's talk about this for now)

I like reading good books, which just turn out to be whatever is placed infront of me. I’m a fantasy dweeb but doesn’t mind history or romance (my friend forced me to read bridgerton). If you got a favorite read or a read that you want to share feel free to send me a dm and recommend it!
I really like mythology and is struggling to find something that scratches that myth itch I play dungeons and dragons and lately I’ve been reading more of those books (making a glory of giants campaign)
In the pandemic my sister and I got really into movies, I got her to watch Star Wars, watched a ton of classic and modern horror movies. Lately watched most of the Rocky movies so they’ve been inspiring. I’ve watched lots of those comedy mockumentories, currently watching “what we do in the shadows”
My main video game medium is PlayStation, though I occasionally play pc. Currently doing my first play through of baulders gate 3. My sister got me into playing ukulele…and I’m pretty mediocre. Im a pretty good cook, I’ve always been cooking since I was a kid and I’ve continued into adulthood. I like American, South American, Mediterranean, Asian and Indian food and is always up for exploration
In highschool I really got into music. I collect vinyls when I see something I think I’d like. I mainly collect movie, show and game soundtracks, I have a couple of albums from artist (Igor by Tyler the creator is my favorite). I like 2000’s R&B, and lots of those modern chill pop songs. Most of my Spotify playlist is really relaxed music, a specific type you know? I’ll gladly send it to you if you ask though it’s a strange mix lol.
I could use some different friends then the ones I have now. I’m just kinda there, if I were gone things would continue like usual without me. Though I don’t wanna be that person that dumps on baggage when we talk! I want a completely clean slate with someone who is willing to make a friendship and at the very least mutually try! At least for a bit. From Florida If that matters to y’all!

So a couple of years ago my wife self diagnosed with autism. She went deep deep down the rabbit whole and spent months hyper fixating on the mountains of information. In the midst of all of this she would also flood me with information supporting the claim and I have to say I was super on board with the idea. All of it just made so much sense.
But the thing about it is, I also started to feel that these things that she was discovering were also hitting very close to home for me as well. But when I mentioned that I may be on the spectrum as well she was pretty opposed to the idea. It felt to me as though she felt that i was trying to rain on her parade of realization. Thats not my intent at all but i also understand why she would feel that way. Which makes me reluctant to speak on it. I don’t have health insurance and can’t go to therapy to be properly evaluated but im also afraid to do so because i feel as though if i were to get diagnosed she would hate me for it. There has been a history of me always putting myself into her ideas which leads to this feeling. She decided to go back to school and i decided to do the same. She decided to learn a new thing and i want to join. It’s something I’ve always struggled with due to the constant need to relate to others. I’ve taken every online test I could find and each one of them say I am very likely to be on the spectrum. I know that means nothing in the grand scheme of things. I’m just not sure how to navigate this situation without making my wife feel like once again I’m trying to overshadow her experience by adding my own on top of it.

My daughter is turning 3 this week. She is constantly crying and whining when she's talking to me. She will literally just be asking for water and sounding like she's about to cry when she asks. I'm ok with her crying, but why are we crying about asking for water and to be picked up or watch a movie? I ask her why she's sad and she doesn't really know. She's eaten, just got her pull up changed, and she woke up from a few hour nap about 45 minutes to an hour before. Her other parent and I are not together and I told her other parent to let let her whine or using a baby voice (example: came to pick them up yesterday and my daughter immediately went "I want uppies" in a baby voice) and when I gave examples, my ex said "I thought that was just how she talked." But it's not. She has a big girl voice and doesn't whine with her aunt. These past 3 days have been the worst. I'm telling her to use her big girl voice and it's a whole evening of fighting it. I model it, I praise it, I give her what she wants when she asks in her big girl voice. I just don't know what to do and I feel like im failing. My bestfriend tells me all the time she never hears the baby voice until I get home and she starts trying to do it to me. I just want her to ask for things without it being a meltdown. I was going to get your water, why are you whining?

Imo the mobile version is pay2win.Let me explain why. These are my views on the subject. Everyone has their own definition on whats pay2win. Here is how i think about it:
Pay2Win Definition: Paying real world currency for a clear advantage over others ingame.
Pay2Progress Definition: Paying real world currency to skip some form of grind or unlocking higher tiers/levels faster.
Mobileshop:
Beeing able to buy savecontainers (kinda harmless, pay2progress) It doesnt affect me too much whether my enemy has one or not, even though i might miss out on his red loot i can accept it.
Beeing able to buy gun packages (concerning, possible pay2win, definitely pay2progress) depending on what time and wuality of weapons are beeing sold i consider this pay2win. Is some really good weapon sold on day 1 that non paying players need 1 week to unlock? Problem. Is some midtier weapon sold 2 weeks in that most people unlocked already? Mostly harmless.
Beeing able to buy currency (could be pay2progress but in the mobile is clearly pay2win) The problem here is that weak bullets and armors are a gigantic disadvantage. Sure i can legkill people but if they can use t6ammo to onetap my head while i need 7bullets in their feet it is a gigantic disadvantage. Currently high tier bullets are extremely expensive and can be bought indirectly for real world money. A paying player can always run full t6 armors and bullets. With market restrictions similar to tarkov where only t4 and lower items are available which can be easily sustained for free it would be much less problematic since free players could run the same gear constantly.
Why it is pay2win: Both equally skilled players play 100 raids. The whale cashes in and has 100 raids full t6 armor bullets helmet .... Survives 65 raids. The free user runs mostly t4, some t5 and a deew games t6 when he killed a chad or earned a bunch of koens, but mostly t4 which he can sustain, has a survival rate of 45 raids. Result from worse gear with exact same skill level & fights taken.
The 20 raids more survived (=won) are the Pay2Win. They paid to win 20 More fights and raids. Big problem.
A limited availability would at least give free players the chance to afford the same amount of high tier geaammo per day. With limited acess to higher ammo and weapons for example only through barters or buying caps on market i could maybe accept people buying koen for cash. Currently if it is like on mobile i cant really support it.
Game is awesome it would do well without pay2win im sure of it.
TLDR: Infinite amount of better gear leads to more raids survived/fights won conpared to same player with limited money. The higher survivalrate is literally paid irl cash for more wins.

i’ve recently got into the wnba and have been keeping up with pre season etc. i downloaded the wnba app to keep track of scores since i knew i most likely wouldn’t be able to watch here but found out that i can watch most games through the wnba app. however i haven’t paid for the pass. watched the fever game last night and currently watching the sky game but i am scared i’m going to get charged for watching. does anyone know why i am able to watch without paying for anything??

This game is sadly unplayable on old consoles. They should probably take out that stupid interactive lobby bullshit if they want people with an older console, or an older computer to play. Naraka:Bladepoint is utterly miserable on older systems. Xbox 1 in my personal experience, is the most dogshit experience to play imaginable. Followed by if your computer doesn’t have an SSD.
I initially installed Naraka:Bladepoint about 2 years ago on my hard drive for the reason that my SSD is only 500mb. I ran it for a couple hours before realizing that it should be downloaded on my SSD. When I downloaded it to my SSD, the lag problem was solved. Now that I’ve started to phase out of computer gaming and into more relaxed console gaming, I decided to install it on the Xbox 1. The game is absolutely miserable to play on console. Usually I will experience constant frame drops during fights and I usually just have to spam buttons. Sometimes I even drop to negative frames and my game rubber bands back to where I was 10 seconds ago. This shit is unplayable and not worth buying extras, if you decide to download it. In my opinion, this should be the first thing they fix, while their game is still getting popular.
Call of duty world at war(2016ish) had a problem when they released their game with an interactive lobby that would cause unplayable lag when you entered a game. I’m thinking that this is one of the reasons that an older console(with a hard drive) cannot handle running a game of naraka without lag. I’m sure someone else could elaborate on this, but I have yet to find a solution for myself, or on the internet.
Lastly, I’m here to help new players with an answer to the question: try or not to try. If you do not have an SSD or a next gen console: don’t bother with this game. It is free to download; if you would like to give it a try, but I wouldn’t waste money on any of the extra stuff you can buy. It’s a real shame, this game has been a good change of pace to what everyone else is making, and I remember having a really fun time playing it on pc. I’ve been looking for a solution to this problem, and getting an Xbox series x might be the only solution here, without losing my progress. Let me know if you guys have had better success on the next generation consoles. Because this would help all new players alike.

As the title says, I am an idiot, and I should not have put off transitioning and living as myself for as long as I did.
To say I'm a late bloomer is a bit of an understatement. I realized I was trans when I was 28, despite things along the way hinting at it from early childhood. And I started down the road towards discovering this part of me. Started taking hormones, buying clothes, and changed over some of my online accounts around 2000. Then a few things happened. In 2002, I became a single parent. I had a bad experience where some people I confided at work who I thought I could trust turned my life into a private joke in the gossip mill behind my back. I found out when my boss at the time (an old Christian woman) pulled me into her office to "have a talk" that I wasn't ready mentally or emotionally to have at that time. And I wasn't aware as much about my rights back then as I do now, so it was very scary when she said she was putting a note into my permanent file. And, I was renting a house from my mom and dad. While I believe my mom would have been cool about it, I know I can't say the same for my dad.
Because of the situation, I ended up stopping and compartmentalizing things. I was doing DIY HRT, using the gels instead of the patches (because I wasn't happy with them and they itched) or pills (There's history of strokes with my maternal grandfather and his brothers). But out of fears of accidentally dosing my daughter and the added cost of childcare, I stopped HRT completely. For a while I was still dressing up and going out once every week or two, but stopped that the same time my daughter started preschool and her old babysitter was no longer available. (Babysitter was going through things in her life and moved across town when her own kids. So, it wasn't anything to do with this.)
At the same time, work was hell and I had long commutes to and from the office, even without having to drop off and pick up my daughter from school. And then there's the added daily parental stuff once I got us home. Because of her school, my bad experience with work (that persisted for YEARS after that event), and fears of what would happen to both her and me should one of the staff and/or parents get wind of "there's a man in drag on campus", my female self got stuffed into the back of the closet. Enrolling my daughter in soccer and volunteering to coach and ref for the organization did not help. And then there was the fear of what my dad would do should he find out. When it was just myself, it wasn't that bad, but it's harder to move and look for a new place when you have a child to consider. And, No, I did not hide this from my daughter. She knew from a very early age that sometimes Daddy was also Mommy.
Now it's 24 years later. This month marks the third year I officially became an empty nester as my daughter moved across town to attend college. I don't know what it is. Maybe something she said to me in front of her boyfriend. Maybe it was her confession that she used me and my life as to refute something said in a sociology class she was taking. (I really wish she would have asked me, but oh well.) Maybe it's just something else I am not aware of. But I dragged the boxes of myself out of the closet and unpacked them. Last couple of months saw me clear out all the old clothes I either don't fit in now (I'm a size 16/18???Uhg!) or never fit back then and donated them to Goodwill. I've started going out and doing most of my daily stuff not only dressed female, but with jewelry and makeup. I have meds ordered. And I'm made changes to most of my online profiles I don't need a legal identity for. The cleaning went well beyond the wardrobe into other areas that aren't gender related. (Dishes don't sit in the sink for as long as they used to.) Toes have been painted. I've stopped biting my nails and are trying to grow them out so I can get a manicure. And while I still feel some anxiousness, I'm generally happier.
The moment that relates to this title happened earlier today. Looking at my nails, I realized it's been over a month and a half, maybe two, since I've last bitten, ripped, or clipped my nails well into their beds. This might sound small and insignificant, but I turn 52 this weekend, and for most of my life, I've struggled with nail biting. If a nail rubs a finger wrong, or I find something "off" running my thumb across them, it was almost automatic before I noticed. It was almost an instinctual reflex. And I have tried at times. At most I would go about two months while constantly fighting the urge. Because of how things were in the 2000's and other situations in my life, I couldn't go the nail polish route, and emery boards didn't help. But now the impulse itself seems to be gone. Sure, I might chew on the nail a little, but not to bite or rip the nail. And I know correlation does not imply causation, but I can't help think it's part of it.
Sure, there's still stuff left to do. I still haven't had "the talk" with work, but it's not an issue as I work from home and we rarely have in office meetings anymore. (You can thank working in a healthcare environment and COVID for that.) Talked with my brother, and we both agreed that at this point, having "the talk" with my dad would not help anything. (It's complicated. But he also doesn't have much time left.) But looking back, I shouldn't have stopped things and waited so long. I could have kept up with HRT. I should have found out what my rights were back then instead of living in fear at work. It wasn't a big deal for my daughter at the time and I could have been freer and more open in the privacy of my own home. It might have even helped me with the stresses of working in the department I was in. And by the time my daughter was high school aged, the world changed enough that I could have been open doing the parental stuff. (Her school was very pro LGBTQ+ and my daughter was even part of a support club for a while.)
So, long story short, the title tells it like it is. I am an idiot for waiting so long. Please use me as an example of how NOT to transition. Hugs for everyone.

First, I want to say that this might just be an oddly specific case of deja-vu, so don’t take what I’m saying at face value. It’s probably just me re-discovering a genre (or mix of genres, as it were) that I sub-consciously connect with some long dead, never-grieved-for game from the late 90s or early 2000s. That kind of feeling.
More to the point, it’s a feeling I got when I rediscovered the joys of city builders and management/resource gathering sims. This was after finishing college, since I finally had time to chill regularly. Now, of all strategies (turn based and RTS), the only constant in my life was Stronghold Crusader, it’s something I’d replay every year in April or May. But everything about games like that — but also others like Zeus Master of Olympus, old Civ 3, Sim City (who remembers that one?) — has an old school vibe in my head. They’re the nostalgic type of chill that I basically skimmed over and even forgot existed, so I just ceased playing them at some point. I thought they (like RTS) were pretty much dead and so I refused to give the modern ones I try. Either because I thought they’re too difficult, too unintuitive or just that I “grew out” of the genre.
Fast forward, I’ve tried Frostpunk so far (cuz of the aesthetic) and RimWorld (cuz of Sseth and because tons of my friends have played it) and I’m honestly astonished by how much more interwoven narrative, RPG-lite elements and the base building core are all finely mixed. I even tried out them space building strategies that I never attracted me (just don’t like sci-fi), but stuff like IXION and the newer Heliopolis Six to find out that… I actually just like looking at the screen and seeing the consequences of my options after the fact. Rather than just actively hacking away at stuff like in an ARPG. There’s a calm to the genre (besides it being much more polished now) that I thought lost in modern gaming. Well, almost all AAA gaming at least. But the strategy/sim genre (idk how to call it) is evolving in ways that I really like. It’s something that gives me hope for other genres.
Anyway, just my 2 cents on this from someone who’s been patiently retracing his steps back through a genre that y’all are probably well acquainted with, but is a real re-discovery for me.

My biggest stim is swaying side to side while in public. I MADE myself stim like that instead of messing with my hands (Ex. Flapping, counting rapidly on fingers, cracking knuckles, etc.) which is what I usually do.
But even then, I'm still constantly being told to stop swaying as it makes people anxious.
BRUH. I feel like I'm about to explode whenever I can't stim when needed. But every time I do it, I have a family member immediately telling me to stop as I'm 'causing a scene'.
How am I supposed to deal with this? Just not listen to them and continue doing it? Nope, I tried that and the peoples got mad lol. Stop stimming? Sorry, no can do.
Most of my family is unaware of me being autistic (I don't feel like explaining why lol) and I think that might be the issue.
How do I respond to that? Why is me swaying make people anxious? I'm literally chilling!

Student background: I have a student whose name I will change to Devon for privacy purposes. He is in third grade. Repeated 2nd. He has broken every rule in the book: Be Safe, Be Kind, Be Respectful, and Be Responsible. He is physically aggressive, verbally aggressive, elopes class multiple times daily, is often disrespectful, and is very disruptive. He has used every insult you can think of and it doesn’t matter if you’re a kindergartner or adult. He has said horrible things to almost everyone, steals from other students and then aggressively smashes their things for fun, has held freshly sharpened pencils to other students’ necks and asked them if they want to die, laughs mockingly at others, doesn’t listen to authority (in fact shows defiance and refusal if you tell him anything), doesn’t do any work, the list goes on and on and on. And issues happen ALL. DAY. EVERY. DAY. Not a day goes by without incident. Collectively as a school, the specialists teachers, admin, and I have documented as much as we could and it could very well be as thick as a Harry Potter book. Every teacher and staff member at my school sympathizes and agrees that he is super challenging, and they tell me even the most veteran teachers would struggle with him.
Now, for my background: I haven’t yet received an official diagnosis for PMDD but I have received one for bipolar (which I don’t think I have but it seems that there are many other women who have been misdiagnosed with bipolar in this community prior to their PMDD diagnosis) and was one criteria away from an official ADHD diagnosis.
I also tend to show extreme hormonal sensitivity every time I start a new pack of birth control every month and show a lot of irritability and anger and other mood swings and all of that happens again like clockwork before my period. I get…ragey. It almost cost my relationship with my boyfriend of seven years multiple times in the past. I’m better at managing my emotions with my partner and family but not at work… Teachers, you know how stressful this job is. We have to wear every hat and smile through all the disrespect and overwork and little pay. But we love kids and value education and that’s why we do this.
Anyway, I learned from Devon’s dad yesterday that his mom left the family when Devon was 3 years old. He is the youngest child in the family. His dad in our meeting yesterday also said that he believes his son is constantly seeking attention (in the most negative ways) to fill in this void and that’s why he acts out. The mom has had a strong presence in the older siblings lives and barely any in Devon’s life.
So, the story is… I have showed restraint and professionalism and bit my tongue since the third month of school and we have 6 actual school days left now. I almost got fired for lashing out at Devon once before. But I’ve ignored most of his behavior since the third month of school and let admin take care of it. Also note that I’m not coming back next year since my admin didn’t renew my teaching contract for not having good classroom management. End is near, not coming back anyway, my most well-behaved kids are acting unruly, had a medical emergency and a loss in the past month, and I’ve HAD IT with Devon’s nonsense. We just started eating breakfast this morning. School just began. And already, Devon and his bff Bruno are picking a fight with one of my most well-behaved students who I’ll call Sam. Devon’s laughing and egging my well-behaved student Sam to fight Bruno. Then my well-behaved student who is clearly done with Devon’s nonsense gets mad and gets in Devon’s face, ready to fight. Devon says to get out of his face and I’m OVER IT. I’m thinking, “WHY DOES THIS KID CAUSE PROBLEMS EVERY DAY?! SCHOOL JUST STARTED!” I walked past him and was someone else. I just started UNLEASHING upon him everything I’ve been holding back. He’s disrespectful, he’s mean, he causes problems every day, and I ended it with “and that’s why your mom left you when you were three.”
…………Not my finest moment.
I felt horrible after and thought, “Holy moly WHAT DID I DO…? How did I let myself say something like that?”
I apologized three times to him. He looked really sad. Whole third grade staff and third grade students and admin knows. Again they sympathize but tell me it still wasn’t cool. My boyfriend, same thing. Said he sympathizes and said I was probably better off just calling him dumb and ugly.
A colleague told me since my contract isn’t getting renewed that I should take a break from teaching for the sake of my mental health. But I don’t know what other careers to pursue that aren’t going to require tuition from a university again. I have a bachelor’s in psychology, an initial teaching license, and am struggling financially as it is. I need to make at least $50k a year pre-tax to keep up with my bills.
Yikes. Thoughts? Advice?
Edit: fixed typos and fixed fake names, whoops!

Is there any way whatsoever of mapping Audio From and Audio To in ableton to a midi device? I need to be able to do bouncing without touching my computer if at all possible. I can do everything from my Novation Launckey except setting the audio from, I worked around audio to by using return tracks and using my controller for sends with the knobs but I still have to go with my mouse and set the audio from to the return track. I need to be able to bounce in real time and having to constantly be doing it with my mouse takes away a lot of time.
Thanks!

I hate coming on the internet and seeing so much racism. I go to school and I’m constantly being called slurs. I just want to enjoy my hobby (gaming) and I can’t even do that anymore without seeing racism, like with this whole assassin’s creed drama. I’m just so tired and I’m only 16 years old. What’s life gonna be like when I’m older if I’m this tired with the world already. I don’t wanna live on this earth with all of this negativity anymore…

Hey all, I came across this subreddit when searching for similar cases to mine and wanted to help and share my experiences.

First occurrence or reoccurence?

My problem first started when I saw a clot of blood come out when peeing 2 weeks ago. I went into a state of shock where I nearly fainted. After breathing deeply for 10 mins, my head slowly stopped turning and I thought back to when something similar happened about 3 years ago when I masturbated and afterwards my pee was faint red. Evoking a similar horrified reaction, what I did back then was no masturbation for 6 days and a semi-constant array of ice packs on my groin and testicles. A complete lack of libido was prevalent throughout this. The ice packs and lack of libido seemed to have quickly resolved that case and no further episode of bleeding was seen.
What seemed to cause it back then was over-masturbation as I was not doing any other vigorous activity.
No one seems to touch on this in all the posts and comments I've read but if you are constantly feeling horny and you are constantly masturbating then this is not good. In my case, I remembered masturbating 8 times a day. I developed a varicocele and one of the veins leading to the testicle is now huge and causes discomfort when I don't masturbate for too long (it swells). I think that it's not just masturbation but the constant and over-production of sperm in the seminal vesicles caused by too high testosterone and sugar consumption causes inflammation of the seminal vesicles and prostate which leads to a rupturing of a blood vessel in both or either.
My assumption is that if you've had hematospermia happen before, then it is more likely to happen again.

Clots = healing?

Fast forward to 2 weeks ago after noticing that clot of blood, I instantly ceased all masturbation activities again. However I was still extremely horny. As touched on above, this would be my undoing as I was feeling so horny that I tried masturbating again 4 days later. To my absolute horror, the whole ejaculate was red (about 2 tablespoons). Let's just say, it wasn't a bloody good time at all 😶‍🌫️. After examining my ejaculate, I saw that it was fresh blood and some white bits inside. I went to empty my bladder and I was horrified yet again - the whole thing was dark red. To top it off a random clot came out. Went to pee twice more and still fully red and a few more clots came out. The third time it was clear.
I learnt that due to the clots, my body was healing something and this gave me reassurance. They were uncomfortable to pass through my urethra but nothing major.
I booked a doctor's appointment ASAP. Men are so much less likely to seek medical help but in this case, I didn't want it to be anything nasty, so I called my doctor straight in the morning and they booked me in that very same afternoon. Although awkward, I recommend any person reading this to book in with a healthcare professional, they give you reassurance and I know it's awkward but you have to do it just to rule out anything super concerning. I took a urine sample in and although it was a female doctor in attendance, she understood a lot about what was happening and just to rule out an infection, gave me a few tablets to take. She told me to continue masturbating infrequently as there was no pain, just to see if symptoms were decreasing. Female doctors are on average way more understanding and sympathetic and I certainly felt reassured.
I stopped doing any form of exercise and focused on healing.

Take 2

I stopped masturbating for 4 more days and with the above reassurance, I tried again. I was terrified to do it thinking I'd die. Thankfully no pain again but my nut was all still red but hold on, it was less red than before? Or was I seeing things?
Went to pee again and it was red. Two more times I peed red and on the 3rd time a clot came out and the pee went crystal clear. It seemed as though the clots were causing a lot of blood? I went to bed that day thinking I was never going to get better. For anyone reading this, I want you to know that your body loves you more than anything in the world, it will literally fight to see you survive and heal you in wondrous ways even though you might abuse it. Give your body a hug.
By this point, I was feeling extremely deflated and lacked a libido. Like I would not even get hard in the mornings or at anything. I was a nervous wreck to be honest thinking I would not have children ever again. Honestly I thought I had cancer. I was listening to sad songs on repeat and I certianly wasn't my happy self.

Take 3

3 days later I tried again and there was no blood!! Success 😀!! No blood in my pee too. Something seemed to be getting fixed!

Take 4

The next day, I was beginning feel my old self come back. I rode my bike, I went to the gym and had a hot shower to celebrate. Then I decided I would try again at 2am. As I will touch on later, all of those combined led to my downfall and I shot out a small fingernail's worth of blood at the end of my not-so-happy ending. Went to pee and it was all red. 3 clots came out in short succession. The next time I went to pee it was all clear.

Take 5 - time to get serious

After the last try, I knew something was getting better and that gave me reassurance. It also enabled me to understand that just like how you brush your teeth too hard your gums will get inflamed and start to bleed, in the same sense that if you keep masturbating an obviously inflamed reproductive system, you will get bleeding.
I stopped thinking about sex for 6 days, I would pinch myself hard if I ever thought of it. I put ice packs on my balls and above the penis area. I did a few stretching exercises. I drank chamomile tea daily. I drank water. I wore shorts rather than fleeced joggers. I went to sleep for a full 8 hours rather than 6. I drank blueberry and orange juice.
By the 5th day I wasn't feeling horny but my varicole behind my left testicle was swelling and the area above my penis on the left side was feeling very inflamed. My body was telling me to get rid of all the stored gunk. I drank chamomile tea and it calmed that area down and I soon fell asleep.
On the 6th day, I knew I couldn't keep it all in there and so I tried again and to my relief the ejaculate was normal looking. Pee was clear too. Success 😄!!!

Self diagnosis

If I were to self diagnose, the whole thing was caused by my intense gym session which led to me being very aroused which led to me overmasturbating in a hot room which led to something getting inflamed and start bleeding a lot. I think I burst a blood vessel in one of my sperm vesicle as no blood would come out without masturbating first. The presence of clots indicate that I ruptured quite a bit of stuff in there, oh dear. The whole ordeal lasted 2 weeks but from now on I will take better care of myself.

Possible remedies

If you don't want to read the above, here's things that worked for me:

• Seek professional medical advice at once. You're bleeding in a place that should not be bleeding. Get it checked now before it's too late.
• STOP thinking about sex. I found that my case was exacerbated by horniness. If you keep this to a minimum, your body will stop making demands from your inflamed reproductive system thereby reducing inflammation.
• It follows on from the above that you should STOP masturbating and having sex. I kept it at once every 4 days but I think I should have left atleast a 5 day gap between sessions as the first 2 days were my body still feeling aroused.
• Reduce physical activity. Do not do anything highly taxing.
• Chamomile tea has significant natural anti-inflammatory properties that will reduce overall inflammation. Drink daily. (find a high quality batch mind you).
• The doctor did not recommend doing this as she thought it had no effect but you can try it: Ice your groin area including your testicles.
• Drink water.
• Get more sleep to heal faster. 8 hours.
• Wear breezy shorts if you're in hot climate.
• Reduce sugar intake. Not sure if this had any effect.
• Drink blueberry and orange juice. Not sure if this had any effect.
• Most importantly is please don't be afraid. I had no idea if I'd be leaking mounds of blood when I came and that fear made me sit for hours in bed with worry. From what I've read most cases are nothing to worry about.

Back story, this is about my kindergarten aged daughter’s best friend. She lives in the neighboring townhome of our conjoined building. She doesn’t have a father in her life and at first it seemed like she was looking to my husband to fill that role.
Immediately I have to say it was not an ideal situation from the very beginning . We’re temporarily renting and have been waiting on land complications to clear up so we can begin building. Even if the girls were to manage staying close, the amount of time they would spend together would drop dramatically. So her looking to my husband to fill that void would have been sad in the end.
Recently she’s been making him uncomfortable, friends have seen her behaviors and so have some other family members. Because she lives right next door and her mom just casts her off to us in order to get some quiet, our family members have also seen her around him. She tries to climb on his shoulders and his back when he’s loving on his own kids and giving them affection. She’s physically knocked our kids off his lap to sit there herself. She asks him to watch her instead of our own children when they want to show us something they can do.
I’m serious.
She’s asked him to watch her do the splits and tries to go in the bathroom when he either goes to use the toilet or shower after work because he works with metal and wires and can’t touch our kids until the shavings are gone. We have always had a very strict rule about boys and girls not being in the bathroom together. My daughter’s friend is well aware of the “knock first” policy if the bathroom door is closed.
My husbands mom even witnessed this behavior and has said it is best if I am always home so that she can never put him in a compromising situation that makes him look like he’s tried to do anything to her. Especially if he were to say something that upset her and made her run back and make her mom assume the worst.
I thought “thats impossible, what would a 6 year old know that could get a grown man in trouble without it actually happening.”
Except that we’ve told our son right in front of her that little girls aren’t supposed to see boys undressed because he would strip down butt naked in front of her to put on his favorite costume. 🫠
I know my husband would NEVER. But I don’t know what this child has been exposed to, she’s been staring at him constantly when she is over and only interacting with him. She won’t go into the play area where they are supposed to be, he won’t go to the play area if she’s there. He stays stressed. He’s specifically asked to enforce less visits. And we’ve cut them out by half but her living next door makes it difficult to avoid.
I get it may just be a crush, but it’s creeping everyone out.

I returned home after a long absence, finding everything in order. Starting university earlier in this year had kept me busy, from freshmen welcoming events to final exams, leaving my feeling overwhelmed. When summer break began and I returned home from the dormitory, it felt cozy and comforting, as if I hadn't been there in years.
My parents ran a restaurant, so they often returned home very late. With some free time on hands, I decided to relax by catching up on some movies I had missed. But just as I was engrossed in my movies, the doorbell rang. It was 11 PM, and I assumed it was the upstairs neighbor, as it often was.
Peeking through the peephole, I saw the familiar face of my neighbor, whom I hadn't seen in a while. Despite the annoyance I felt whenever he showed up unannounced, I couldn't help but feel a bit comforting tonight. I was home in ages.
During my stressful senior year of high school, I often got irritated by the neighbor's late-night visits. When I first saw him, I didn't know who it was and mistakenly opened the door. The drunk man stumbled into the house and slept on the living room sofa. Shocked, I called my parents and even the police. It turned out he was a new neighbor upstairs, and the day passed with repeated apologies due to his drunken state.
But every night at 11 PM, the upstairs neighbor would ring the doorbell. Alone and annoyed, I decided to use the intercom to communicate with the upstairs neighbor. During my sensitive high school days, the constant ringing of the doorbell was nerve-wracking, and naturally, the intercom conversations with the upstairs lady were tense and awkward. Whenever I met them, the upstairs lady always apologized, and I awkwardly accepted it.
However, the ringing doorbell and the drunken neighbor's visit that day made it feel like an event, and my voice over the intercom to the upstairs neighbor was cheerful. After a while, the feeble voice of the upstairs lady could be heard. I greeted her warmly and suggested that since her husband was at the door again, she should come and collect him. Normally, she would have apologized and come immediately, but after a long silence, she ended the intercom conversation.
Despite feeling puzzled by her unusual reaction, I understood that the elderly lady had been through a lot. The next day, waking up late, I saw my mother watching TV in the living room. It was already past 10 AM, and she should have been at the restaurant. I asked her what was going on, and she mentioned that the doorbell had been malfunctioning for a few days, so she called someone to fix it today. I told her it was working fine yesterday.
Finding it odd, she went to test the doorbell, which remained silent. She asked how I would know if it was working or not. I mentioned that the upstairs neighbor had rung it again at 11 PM last night, and my mother asked if I had seen the neighbor. Having been peeking through the door peephole, I confirmed it was indeed him.
I also mentioned using the intercom with the upstairs lady, but she abruptly ended the conversation without apologizing, saying it seemed tough because of her husband. My mother listened intently, her expression growing serious. My mother sternly warned me never to answer the doorbell or look outside if it rang again. She also advised me not to engage with anyone who showed up unannounced. Her subsequent words left me stunned: "The neighbor passed away a month ago while returning home [drunk.](https://youtu.be/3eKetgaDhJU)"

Hi,
I’m M 32 and about 4 years ago I started having bad reflux/gut issues, I had an endoscopy and it was revealed I had a hiatal hernia (I think I got this from a particularly heavy deadlift)
At around the same time I started having palpitations, which eventually built up to a full blown panic attack and me in an ambulance taken to hospital, I had my heart checked over and drs said my heart was structurally okay, I stayed in over night and was in constant bigeminy for hours, I was given the beta blocker Bisoprolol and it sorted me out and the palps went away (yay)
I went home and carried on being careful with my diet and eventually even came off the beta blockers and had no issues for months and months, I then went off track a bit with my diet and my gut flared up and then boom I was in constant state of bigeminy again, off to A and E I went, bloods etc taken again, monitor fitted and again was told I’m okay and to get back on the beta blockers..
Every time I speak with a dr and I mention the gut issues seem to coincide with the palps, they dismiss me.
Anyway I got better again and again came off the beta blockers for months and months, then I started to feel really gassy one day and then I had my worse PVC episode yet, I went into constant bigeminy for days and had horrendous gas and belching, I started taking my beta blockers but it wasn’t helping so I went back into A and E, again explained the gas issues but they didn’t seem to care or think it was related, they upped my Bisoprolol from 2.5mg to 5mg and it eventually calmed down my palps, but unfortunately it made me really light headed and dizzy and my resting heart rate went down to 43 bpm! I’ve since gone back down to 2.5mg and it’s helped my dizziness…
What’s weird is the constant burping and gas I experience every time I get palps, for me it’s like the chicken and the egg, what came first?
Is the burping/gas causing my palps or are the palps causing my gas? Is it anxiety related? The Drs just wanna put me on meds and not think of the root cause and it’s driving me nuts.
Some weeks I can exercise without any problems, and some weeks exercise will cause me to have PVCs as well..
I’m finding it really hard to pin point what it could be and the Drs don’t really care and just say I’m fine and to take the meds but if my heart is fine, what the hell is causing it?
Just wondering if anyone else has noticed a pattern with gut issues?
Thanks

So a little bit of background. I used to write ALL the time. Almost constantly, I would be pumping out some idea or another. All your classic derivative fantasy stuff that I feel like a lot of teenagers who just read Lord of the Rings for the first time would churn out, but hey there's no shame in that. Took an English and Creative Writing course at uni and while I was there discovered a love for screenwriting that I didn't have before. Decided I wanted to try and write for cartoons when I was older, and started making good headway onto that!
Then I graduated. Two years ago to the day of posting this, I got a temporary job at a local retail place selling coats. I'm still there now. I've given up on the cartoons thing, which is ok sometimes stuff doesn't work out. The problem is I now don't write at all. I'm constantly awash with ideas when I'm working but they vanish or suddenly seem unappealing the second I actually find a minute to put pen to paper. I don't want to work in the shop forever, but the only jobs that don't sound terrible are the ones in writing and I know I'm just not consistent enough for them. I feel stuck. I've been defined as a creative and a writer by everyone for so long that I don't know who I am without it, and have nothing to show for it whatsoever.
I'm aware that the reasons and solutions here are probably very obvious. Sorry if I've brought anybodys mood down. The two years of working in the shop hit me harder than I was expecting and I just felt like I needed to get something out about it.