This is just a Quality of Life thing, but when you play the first copy of a bloon card (say Swarm Blue Bloons) your opponent knows that you have the other parts of that card in hand. Your opponent should be able to see a face-up version of that bloon card in your hand, next to your other face-down cards, including the missing coin it now has.
There’s already a visual indicator showing that your opponent has seen one of the cards in your hand: the “missing coin” in the top left. You already have an up-to-date record of which bloon cards you’ve already played, so why shouldn’t your opponent?
The screen real-estate is already being taken up by you being able to see your opponent’s cards in hand at the top of the screen: besides hand size, it can also provide information on what bloon cards you know your opponent has access to. Instead of seeing 6 face-down cards, you could see 4 face-down, a Swarm Red Bloon, and a Swarm Blue Bloon (for example).
3rd party “Hand-trackers” have already been made for other card games like Hearthstone. This change will let players who don’t want to, or can’t, download them not have to memorize every card their opponent plays or write it down in a notebook or a spreadsheet.
This kinda stuff matters for things like “what bloon cards does my opponent have to generate Bloontonium” or “how many cards in my opponent’s hand might be Firestorm.”
For example, if you know your opponent is Gwendolyn, with max bloontonium, with Ceramic Bloons in hand, you won’t want to play into them setting your own Ceramics on fire with their 5 cost active, playing the remaining Ceramics, and then destroying them using their 20 cost active. But if you turned away for a second and came back, and saw a Ceramic bloon but wrongly assumed it was created by the storm increasing, you might go for a “Hail Mary” Ceramich rush play that was destined for failure… unless you had a hand-trackethis change was implemented.
I wanted to mention this now, even though the game is in early restricted access still, because I think(?) this sort of change is the kind that is best done at the start of development, so you don’t run into issues like having to program all the previous Bloons cards to work this way.
It matters most for those Bloon cards, but I would like this to be implemented whenever both players know that a certain card is in a certain hand: if you return a Banana Farm into hand using Return 2 Sender, you should still be able to see the banana farm in your opponent’s hand, AND, as that opponent you should have some indicator letting you know that THIS is the banana farm your enemy knows about, the other banana farm is still secret info. That is (probably) more work though, but it’s another kind of thing a hand-tracker would be able to do. If this “my opponent has seen this card” indicator is deemed too much for a new player, you could make it a toggleable setting.

Hey guys, when I first installed this toilet I bumped it against a wall and a small piece of the left side ceramic broke.
I know and have read how dangerous ceramic toilets can be if they break. However, this backside left of the toilet that broke doesn't get any weigh in it or pressure. It is simply the backside part of it. So no weight when sat on.
When I flush, less than a handful of water comes out, it's not poop water but instead the clean water. What can I do to patch this up? I don't want to throw away a brand new toilet, that's been used less than 10 times.
Any suggestions?
It wouldn’t let me post the post with the images. Uploaded here:
https://postimg.cc/gallery/mkTc92C

I’m used to the occasional itchy episodes from my dysautonomia. Usually I get super itchy in one spot, scratch until it bleeds, and then it’ll stop itching and heal up and then I have a new scar I have to explain to my family. This is so much worse than that.
I have so many itchy spots and the itch isn’t going away. My arms, my stomach, my hands, my face, but the worst is on my neck. It’s on the front down by my collarbone, and on both sides as well. I’ve tried lotions, ice cubes and cold water, wearing less irritating clothes, cleaning it, nothing helps. I’m trying so hard not to scratch because I don’t want to bleed from my neck, but I’m at the end of my rope. Any advice would be extremely appreciated.

Puppy biting is easily a top issue people ask about - especially on this sub. So I want to share what I have learned when asked: "How do I stop puppy biting?"
Here's the thing: you don't want to stop puppy biting. People misunderstand what it's all about and come at the problem all wrong.

Why do puppies bite?

Play biting and fighting is absolutely one of the most important developmental pieces for young dogs. In fact, the only thing puppies do more than bite is poop, pee and sleep. That tells us that it's important.
There is a reason why Mother Nature has programmed them to do it so much: Puppies play bite because they must receive feedback for their bite pressure so they can acquire the skill of monitoring and adjusting the force of their jaws.
That process is what develops "acquired bite inhibition" or ABI. And, good ABI is what makes a safe dog in adulthood. It can only be done in the early stages before it’s locked in forever. There are no methods to alter this after adolescence.
So, play biting is not only natural, it’s necessary. An adult dog that has never developed ABI will not know how to monitor and adjust the force of their jaws when they have big adult teeth and big adult jaw muscles.’
Consider a dog sleeping in your family room and a family member accidentally steps on the dog. A dog with good ABI won’t even make contact. A dog with poor ABI might bite that person, perhaps badly.
So, bottom line - you don’t want to stop puppy biting, because then the training stops too. Okay, so how to train?

How to properly train for ABI

First, we focus on intensity before frequency.
In the correct progression you will see a reduction in the intensity before you see a reduction in frequency. Biting will get softer and softer before actual incidents of biting diminish. And it’s critical that Force be trained before Frequency because they are separately processed in doggie brains.
Second, provide meaningful feedback. You MUST socialize your dog. Other dogs train this naturally in one another, so get them to off-leash puppy classes or playgroups after their second round of shots (I’m not a vet, consult with a vet).
Third, your puppy has to believe that humans are super sensitive. Every time they bite you, you cry out. Act like it hurts (which it probably does). Loudly say, "Ouch! That hurt!"
Here's the secret to making that work. The internet tells you to cry out but never fills in the rest of the strategy. First, do not jerk your hand (or whatever body part) away. Quick movement is stimulating and that triggers chase drive. They'll just go harder for it. Instead, leave it there.
Your puppy needs to be the one to back off.
Second if you say "Ouch" loud enough and sharp enough, your puppy should buck their head back. Immediately start praising and allow them to re-engage. If they're softer tell them "good puppy." If not keep up the feedback. Ramp it up a little with tone and volume without making it scary.
This feedback has to be binary: Right and Wrong. It also has to be constant. One of two times isn’t going to do it. This is a progression. And remember: At this stage you aren’t trying to stop biting, you want to see it getting softer and softer, and then frequency will diminish too.
Also, make sure to cry out even if the puppy bites your clothing or hair. The puppy doesn’t know what the differences are and should be gentle with both.

Be ready to briefly leave

If during a session your puppy is too jazzed up and is not responding to the work then leave, simple as that.
You probably have a puppy playpen area, so don’t move the puppy (presuming you’re playing in the playpen) - it isn’t instructive and fast enough. YOU have to get up and leave. This is exactly how dogs do it - a painful bite causes a yelp and play stops momentarily.
Well, no one wants that, so they learn to monitor and adjust. If you - the playmate of the moment - get up and leave for say 30-60 seconds, the puppy will begin to make that association.
This is why we don’t give puppies free reign of the house at the start and use playpens. They exist in gated off rooms or areas for a while and earn more space over time. In the meantime you have to be able to get away when the puppy is too intense.

Play Biting isn't 'bad behavior'

You also can't keep labeling play biting as bad behavior—it's not. It's inconvenient for us humans, but we don't call it bad behavior when a baby poops its pants or cries at night. You know this is part of what you signed up for, inconvenient as it is.

After intensity dies down

The play biting will eventually just be soft mouthing. At this point it is appropriate to start addressing the frequency of incidents.
We can begin addressing the number of incidents because we've cultivated a dog that thinks differently about the way they use their mouth.
You should ideally have been integrating obedience training into your puppy work all along the way anyways, so it's a simple manner to use incompatible behaviors to stop the mouthing.
By now the mouthing behavior is more about controlling their environment than it is trying to elicit feedback, so now you can focus on polite behaviors, redirecting, building impulse control, engaging them in interactive and instructive play, and simply continuing to give good representative feedback on their behavior.

What not to do:

Tap them on the nose—this is great if you want to teach your dog that you're a bully. Also great for creating a head shy dog. However it does nothing for bite inhibition. Actually you'll probably get some relief from the biting though because the puppy will just stop interacting with you altogether.
Using a squirt bottle—do we squirt babies in the face when they're doing something that annoys us?
Using a muzzle— this prevents all mouth interaction and pretty much guarantees a hard biter as an adult. Also it means no eating, drinking, playing with toys, or anything else related to just being a puppy. It's lazy and irresponsible.
Redirecting to a chew toy—Seems weird, but hear me out. Puppies aren't trying to relieve teething pains when they play bite. As you've learned they bite to learn ABI. You might get a temporary respite but it'll be short-lived and you missed a teachable moment. Chew toys are awesome but they're for chewing during quiet times. Chewing is relaxing and it does relieve teething discomfort but play biting serves a whole other purpose. Don't waste the opportunity.

TL;DR and Conclusions

• Puppies need to learn about their bite pressure which is why they play bite
• Puppies need you to train them on Acquired Bite Inhibition (ABI)
  • Intensity of bites should be the first thing to train ("ouch! that hurt")
  • Frequency of bites should be trained next
• Don't be a bully to your dog. These behaviors are totally natural and we don't bully babies for pooping their pants. Learn the behaviors and how to control them, and why they exist

Wishing you all well in your puppy journey!
Note: Much of this information has been sourced from the puppy101 subreddit. Go there and read all their awesome content.

When I (21M) got into a relationship with my partner (20F), it was awesome. Then she involved her friends in the relationship. She came off as very codependent (“I’m very attached”) to her friends, even saying her friends (20F) are never wrong (you’re gonna see some red flags here that I was stupid to ignore). Met one of her friends - wonderful guy not a bad bone in his body, hope all of them could be Ike that. She expressed (I don’t even know jokingly) that her girl friends were jealous that she got a boyfriend - yet she wanted us to be friends.
I have never met such hypocritical people in my life on first meet. They would neg me constantly. My career (I earn decent money in school), my race (they’re the same race as me), the fact I didn’t drink underage, they would question my validity as a partner in earshot much to my partner’s silence. They would criticize my colloquialism after poking fun at me- I would say “shut the fuck up” when a funny story came up while laughing. They would tell my partner (not me) that they didn’t like it (happy to not say it if it makes them feel uncomfortable) but then they proceeded to tell me to shut the fuck up with impunity. The double standards sucked. The dishing out but not being able to take it sucked. I was always made to be the villain. When I brought these up to my partner - “Oh you feel that way because they have siblings, and you’re an only child”. They showed up to my apartment unannounced when I was on a date with my partner (I live on the 3rd story). After the date was over, they would make plans to go out and say “This is a friends only thing”.
I held my tongue for a lot of disrespect. The people were openly known in their friend group to be third wheels in the relationship. They used to call me a b-word and a groomer (because I had friends who were 2 years younger than me). I used to call the main instigator a horseface after she made fun of my forehead and looks. But then it was too far. They could say whatever to me but the moment I come back I’m in the wrong.
They would openly ask my partner “Did he even get girls before you” to which my partner felt she had to defend her “choice” in me. My partner had told me that we won’t talk about our sex life. I was like yeah ofc. Her friends then started to tease me with info from our sex life - and they didn’t hear it from me. I confronted her on this and she was like “Oh it was a wine night and we started talking”. It was all ok until she started downplaying my skills. Then when her friends made fun of me with this info - I would then make fun of myself and then they would go to her saying that THEY were feeling uncomfortable about ME making fun of MYSELF.
They would cause fights to the point where I’m crying and hoping I’m no more. I would dream they would make fun of me so much - I would get up and walk out (I actually did this once but chalked it up to having to take a phone call).
They would compare me to their brothers and fathers. Token me for my race but then ask me to set them up with someone from my race. They would make fun of my career, yet ask me to get them a job. I tried to play nice with these people. On my own birthday, one of these girls was stressing out over organizing a career fair, I walked 40 minutes to help her out. These people would cause fights between us and I would apologize to them about stuff they do to me all the time saying “I just want to be accepted by the group”.
Worst part came when her friends pulled switchblades out on a moving bus as a joke and were brandishing it. I was the only voice of reason telling these people to stop, protecting my partner, motioning others to sit down and telling them that the group can get in so much trouble because of their idiotic behavior. Yet all her friends laughed at the fact I was getting serious. One of her friends had come up to me afterwards and showed me her palm, laughing. It was blood- she had cut her hands on the blades trying to play with the knives. Laughing.
Whether it was them blacking out drunk, headbutting each other, and touching each other inappropriately- I need to make sure no one falls behind or gets in trouble. Her friends would smack me for sitting on their bed by accident just to charge my phone near the wall. Everyone would laugh.
Her friends dressed up during Halloween as red flags (can’t make this up) and they kept making racial remarks to my friend. “Dance white boy”, “bathroom’s over there white boy”, etc. He took it as a joke the first few times but then started to feel uncomfortable. He told me wayyyy too late that this is what he experienced.
One day, I had fallen through my chair and winced in pain to which they laughed. I had enough of their immaturity, their laughter at my pain, their double standards, and their unresolved hatred. I thought since these people frequently call me out for every small thing (albeit behind my back), I can confront them directly and fairly (never confronted them on their behavior before). I asked them to treat me with some respect and just apologize. My partner stood silent as they continue to make insulting and demeaning faces at me and avoid the issue. I had a freeze response. I could not get any more words out of my mouth. Then my hypervigilance took a toll on me 30 seconds later in the form of an extreme panic attack (first one ever) where I cried and clutched my chest on a train. They stared indifferently. I sat crying with the doctor hugging me, while they called an Uber to go to a bar. They called the paramedics- they were heroes. I had enough, went up and yelled some disgusting things at the main instigator, who was making disgusting invalidating faces at me while I was approaching her for accountability. Called her a horsefaced. Told her “Why should I die on the train? You go kill yourself!”
My partner threatened to break up with me if her friends had told her to and told me I wasn’t fit to meet her dad. The next day, her friends guilt tripped her “You made a choice to go home with him instead of come with us to the bar”. They talked about how it was “bizarre” why I was so kind to the doctors and the paramedics yet yelled at them.
Partner said “Oh they have panic attacks all the time”. “It must have been caused by something else”. “They make those faces even when their relative died”. “There was a girl who doesn’t like her because she didn’t apologize to her properly”. “She thinks you’re attacking her face - just like her dad and uncles”.
What do I do…

Did anyone have persistent flushing that led them To A diagnosis?
A month after having a baby I started having a hot red face and shoulders and it’s literally Not Let up since!
Did a Dutch test and metabolized cortisol was insane but daily levels were normal. Doing blood now

Suddenly, Johnathan saw a picture of his father training him and Kane. ‘I wonder where he is’ was what he thought. His presence disappeared the same day Carl’s got fierce. He thought the legendary marine might be dead, but ruled it out due to it seemingly being impossible. However, after seeing his father’s sword with its god in front of him today, this scenario became much more likely. But simply stealing the power of a god would be impossible. After all, if a host died, their god would leave the Earth. This must’ve meant his father was alive for the time being.
After this, he remembered what Shin said about Carl. He realized it was too early to die, but could do nothing about it. His spirit was drawing close to its end by the moment. When he noticed how little life was left in him, his heart stopped, and he began his took his final breath. What stopped him from going over to the other side was a female voice behind him.

• Are you done? – it was woman, with pure white skin and clothes
  
• I am not, but there is nothing left in me – he answered – I am very sorry for wasting your power, Luna.
  
• Don’t be sorry, after all, this is our final time seeing each other, – she sounded resigning
  
• So, you don’t have anything left for me? Like some crazy power up, that could restart my body? – he was asking doubtfully, but with still some hope
  
• There is a way for you to return back to life. But that means our parting as well. If you trade your powers with me, I can save you, but that would mean you have to find a way to defeat a goddess all alone.
  
• If that is what must be done, it must be done. How can we do this trade?
  
• You have nothing else to do, but to wish for what your heart wants most at the moment and nothing more. If that happens, I can complete our exchange.
  
• Is there a way for me to make a contract with you after I’ve lost your powers? – he wanted to ask whether there was any chance of them meeting up again
  
• You may prove your worth once more, but even then, a contract broken might be never prepared again.
  

Johnathan didn’t say anything more and closed his eyes. The only thing on his mind was him standing in front of Themis once more. There was nothing he wanted more. Not his own ambitions, but only revenge for what she has done. When this thought took over his mind, he found himself as a spirit above his body. He knew if he wanted to win, he had to re-enter his body. He saw that the flame was gone and his bones were repaired, but the Moonlight Eclipse wasn’t there either, only a plain sword. He saw these as a parting gift from Luna. He also saw, that the other two were hardly living. If he wanted to finish it, he had to do it fast.
When he opened his eyes and grabbed the new sword, Themis’ laughter stopped. She watched in disbelief, as a man, who once died woke up again. She also noticed that his goddess disappeared, making his presence much weaker, but somehow still stronger the other two with their peak strength. She realized, he must’ve made an exchange, saving his life, but losing his deity. She was a little happy, that she got to toy with him a little more.

• It’s good to see that you can still stand up – she was smiling – but what can you without her?
  
• I will prove that us humans don’t need gods. Not against a pitiful creature like you. You are the goddess of nothing. A powerless creature. Why can’t I create my own justice, and see which prevails.
  
• Insolent human! – her joy switched to anger. It was the first time a mortal has ever made fun of her – you shall pay for your foul mouth as well!
  

Themis swung her sword at Johnathan, who stopped it with his bare hand. Themis jumped backwards while she grabbed her opponent and slammed him to the ground. She tried using fire again, but it was as ineffective, as the sword. However, her punches still managed to inflict heavy injuries. With just a few, she already broke six ribs.
With his body bleeding from the inside, Johnathan knew, he didn’t stand any chance, but still pushed forward, shouting things like ‘unjust’ and ‘false justice shall be prover guilty’. With each of his shout, it seemed like Themis’ sword was becoming smaller, like it knew the human was right. When the sword disappeared, Themis let out a fiendish screech, making Johnathan’s ears ring.
Using this distraction, she broke free of the crushing words and went to Carl’s dying body. She stepped on his head, laughing like she already won.

• Make another move, and I will crush his head. Although, if you stay there, you will die of internal bleeding. What is worse? To be responsible for you ally’s death, or to watch, while you diem knowing you might have stood a chance – her laugh became like a maniac’s.
  
• You see, this is what I was talking about.
  
• What? I’ve never heard you admitting your defeat – she shoved her feet even deeper into Carl’s face
  
• You know, if you kill that man, you will die as well, so I have nothing to lose.
  
• Is it that other being inside of him? Don’t worry, if it didn’t come out yet, it will remain lying dormant forever – she didn’t seem fazed by the threat
  
• And I wasn’t talking about admitting defeat. It was you, abusing your power, betraying it – he walked closer
  
• What are you doing? Don’t move! – She tried to crush Carl’s skull but didn’t have the strength for it
  
• And how would you stop me – He saw an opening
  
• Stop right there! You can’t do this! I am a goddess! No mortal shall attempt to harm me! – her voice was filled with fear
  
• Then you shouldn’t consider me a mere human – this time, it was him, who was smiling
  

Naturally, gods don’t fear death. None of them has died for millennias. Most of them weren’t even alive then, including Themis. They grew up, being taught that they must only enter the world of the humans if one of them is their host and tries to use the powers of Death against the rest. The ones who knew, that the humans were ruthless creatures tried to avoid forming pacts with them, but some of them especially liked to. Luna of the Moon and Themis of Justice were the perfect examples of the latter, while gods like Mars of War was counterpart to his Greek brother, Ares, never talking to humans. He never wanted to get involved with Death, because he knew that some special humans might be the end of him.
This is what Themis was experiencing. She felt the metal pass through her heart, while it started taking on a different shape. Johnathan tore her blindfold off, to see the eyes filled with the fear of death and despair. Her poison and mutilation became reverted on the two lying on the ground. She could see the one holding it regain the silver eyes and armor. She felt the blade taking on a shape, that it might’ve had had before. With her dying breath, she uttered her final words:

• Oh, how the mighty have fallen!

She fell onto the ground, leaving the corpse of a once glorious goddess behind. With this, Johnathan Teach became the first human in history to ever bring a divine to its knees and end their life.
Check out the full story: https://www.wattpad.com/story/365789475-seas-of-change

Experiencing a lifetime in a second, feeling one heart beat after the other wishing you were as close to me as my heart.
I feel like I’m levitating like all I could see is you and I.
How I wish to live every single second of my remaining life close to you, but at the end it’s only in my head.
If only you know how much I need you, how long I’ve been waiting for you, how many things I have planned, how many days pass with only you on my mind… wondering if you’re one of the faces I’ve met, or have yet to meet.
Give me a sign, that’s all I need.
Strangers everywhere are you one of them? Or have I been lucky enough to see you, do you feel it too? Are we close? Is it you?
I’m hurting, I’m alone, I’m lost, I don’t expect you to fix me just hold my hand as I pass through.
Oh soulmate how I wish I was born knowing who you are.

Yo I was just playing ground zeros cause I got It in a bundle with phantom pain so I wanted to start this and bro on the 4th mission I saw some prisoners in the abandoned place or whatever it's called and I always save them And suddenly two started saying that they wanted to see some girls face and their families and tell them they're ok and go home and the other one told me that his life's in my hands and that words aren't enough and I started crying so badly that I just sat somewhere else and started thinking about my life choices 😭🙏 Even the supposed rape tapes almost made me cry but I immediately read that par wasn't actually rapped just tortured by some dudes and that chico didn't actually sexually assault her (like the 14 year old 💀) Like who moans when getting raped it's weird and disgusting and shows that you somehow like it the fuck Kinda glad Kojima left so we won't have to see weird shit in the game that is depressing like who puts the developers as game characters you have to save and talk to like not even Sony does this

Long Story Long: But I’d seriously appreciate some insight!
My husband (38M) and I (38F) are high school sweethearts and have been together over 20 years, married for 17. We don’t fight, nor argue really. I would call disagreements intense discussions. He’s the ying to my yang, we just fit and have developed pretty good communication over the years - but we’ve also put in the work for it.
He became close friends with 2 guys in our neighborhood and since we are moving out of state, the previous weekend has been a blowout. These 2 have joked for over a year about doing mushrooms with him. My husband and I always laughed it off because the man hasn’t ever done anything that wasn’t prescribed to him by a doctor. I have said to the 3 stooges whenever they brought that topic up that I don’t care (because he’s a grown man) but I do think there should be someone sober just in case, especially because my husband is a novice when it comes to that recreation.
Friday was apparently the night - he didn’t come home until 4 am and slept on the couch. I was with everyone until about 8, and went home to clean up and do some chores before the party the next day. Being out later isn’t uncommon, these guys play darts or ride around on the golf car listening to music and drinking a bit. (It’s not often, but there have been some late nights when I can be found right along with them). Saturday evening we had people over for a BBQ and friend #1, James, was recounting some tales to me, his wife and another friend. They were funny, but out of character for my husband when he’s drunk. James’ wife asked, so … what else was involved? James smiled and whispered ‘shrooms’. I didn’t skip a beat and continued on with our conversation.
Fast forward - he’s sawing logs by the time I get in bed. I lay there but can’t fall asleep, my heart is racing and I need to get it off my chest (something we’ve learned together, if its on your mind say it, don’t let it fester and grow).
+I ask why he didn’t tell me about the mushrooms.
+“James said you knew”.
+Um, no, I knew it was talked about previously, but I had no idea there was a plan. Okay, benefit of the doubt, it was a “surprise buddy! Let’s do these!” after I went home for the night. Why could I have not received any communication about it then, nor a mention of it the next day? If James hadn’t said anything would you have even talked to me about it? You know .. how it went, what it felt like .. etc?
+“I didn’t talk to you much today” and again, “James said you knew about it, I didn’t think it was a big deal”
+Well, it hurts that you wouldn’t divulge any of it to me, especially since you want me to pour out my soul to you any time something seems off. It’s kind of hypocritical because we both know you would have lost your mind if you found out from someone else that I had been out until 4am doing shrooms with my 2 friends, riding around and drinking. *I would like to note that I do get animated when I talk, and I was a Disney illustration at this point.*
I think the role reversal scenario is what did it because he leapt out of bed and turned the light on, slamming the door open and YELLING at me (why he opened the door I don’t know, nor do I really remember what was being said in the moment due to my shock). I instinctually jumped up and when I heard the door hit the stopper I started to bend down to grab a pillow; serious childhood trauma kicked in and it was full fight or flight mode, I felt like I needed to get out of there as a panic attack was imminent. When he saw the pillow in my hand he yelled “What the hell are you doing?!!” as he slammed the door closed staying in front of it.
I instantly started to shake and sob uncontrollably at the same time and mumbled “You are scaring the shit out of me”. I was frozen because on the inside I was a small kid again. This man has NEVER raised his voice, let alone his tone to me. He immediately changed his entire demeanor and walked over to hold me, saying how sorry he was. I can’t remember if I hugged back to be completely honest. I did say that “you made me flash back to my father .. you’ve never yelled at me before .. I don’t understand.”
After calming down he held me in bed while I cried and told him how sorry I am, that it’s my fault, I shouldn’t have opened my mouth, I should have waited until the morning .. over and over again. I don’t know why .. it was instinctual I guess. He finally sighed heavily and said “No, not at all. If I had just told you about it to begin with none of this would have happened”. The remorse was real, but I still cried myself to sleep, waking up with swollen eyelids from all of it.
We talked it over Sunday after some reflection; I get it - he probably just wanted to live it up with his pals without a “handler”. But reasonable me would have liked to have known, God forbid anything happened, or I could have at least checked on them every now and then. I don’t hover and can read a room pretty well, so it just hurt my heart that I wasn’t included in the knowledge of the events whatsoever .. especially because he didn’t tell me himself. I didn’t care about the shrooms, I just wanted to know they were being done, does that make sense?
Our talked concluded - nothing bad happened that night, I said my peace, let’s move on from it. I did reiterate how much I was bothered by the argument, his response and my fear. I could see the sorrow and regret in his face, so we decided to put that away too.
My problem is that I have realized that I am not really over that part as much as I want to be. I have replayed it a few times this past week while alone, resulting in the same feelings surfacing again with some tears. I can’t help it. When I say I have no one to talk to … I have no one. My husband is probably the most amazing man you could meet. I couldn’t imaging divulging this to anyone and having their view of him a-skewed; I know he’d be mortified. And I don’t want to bring it back up, having him relive probably the worse night he can remember, like I am rubbing salt into the wound - even more so because I said let’s move on from it. I don’t want him beating himself up again and again (Though that may very well be the case, I would hate to make it worse).
I am pretty sure his lack of reaction (which pushed my frustration) followed by overreaction was due to guilt, knowing he hurt me, and that what I said was probably true - he just handled it poorly after a couple of days with little to no sleep; not to mention the additional stressors in our lives right now with the move. I could have done things differently as well; he rarely hurts my feelings, so I don’t handle it as well as I would if it was coming from someone else. He’s my kryptonite.
I know this was a one off, however I do have to admit that I am subconsciously anxious whenever he’s gotten irritated with normal everyday annoyances (just life, packing .. logistics .. etc) this past week. Almost like I am gun-shy that he’ll pop off again (even though my rational mind knows he won’t). I just can’t shake the feeling of not recognizing the man that was in front of me, nor the fear I had caused by the one person who has always been my ‘safe space’ and protector.
I feel like I am being ridiculous and irrational. Any advice, or do I just let time take care of it?

I'm not sure if what I experienced was astral projection or not but I had the strangest experience I've ever had falling asleep.
As I was falling asleep, I didn't quite fall asleep and was getting this really loud static vibrational noise in my ears that would come in waves with my breathing. Then out of nowhere it felt like I was drop-kicked out of my body and into a state of free-fall. I "woke up" in this strange green-hued world where I was a builder of these massive gates attached to walls that spanned beyond the horizon and a massive ocean on the opposite side. They were made of stones that were impossible colors that would change when light shone on them and every gate was closed.
Eventually I fell through the ground and ended up with my hands and feet tied by zip-ties on a futon somewhere. Two beings came in and started laughing at me. They taunted me and I noticed one of them was wearing one of my really good friend's face but I knew it wasn't my friend. It would change shapes but would always have my friend's face on it. The arms would elongate and get spindly or it was like there was molten plastic underneath the surface of its skin that would morph into different shapes. Eventually I shimmied until fell off the futon. I remember feeling my face hit the carpet and it hurt. It felt like I got rug burn from the impact but I shimmied again till I faced a wall and willed myself to fall through the floor.
I ended up back at the world with all the walls and gates and most of them were open now. I kept hearing a voice repeating 3 names and when I turned my head I was in a house I've never seen before with stairs that led up. The voice kept repeating those names and as I followed it, it said "we were all murdered here" then I looked up and saw the same being wearing my friends face, but it had a body type similar to Luther from Umbrella Academy. It was holding a gun on a guy in a bed who was reciting the names and then it shot him as it was staring at me. The face distorted and I turned towards a wall where a furnace was. As I was looking at the writing on the furnace maintenance card, all the words started changing until they all said "hell" on it. The being starting screaming "its not hell" and I willed myself to turn over in my actual body because I started getting scared and jerked awake.
I know I'm only recalling bits and pieces of it because I was trying to memorize the names the guy was saying. I know I went to different "levels" of dreams too but I can't remember them all. I remember that I woke up in other bodies inside that dream state more times but I don't remember them well enough to talk about.
Does anyone else have any similar experiences with the face-stealing being or gates like that? Did I even AP or was it just a really vivid lucid dream?

I.

I shoot PLA, not guns
I squirt and slap that HK, it's such fun
It's Print Shoot Repeat until the mag’s done
When I see the feds, it's not duck and run

II.

It's pop out and pull it. Blow it, you know-
-It's all for YouTube. I'm asking like who
The fuck do you think you are to my god?
Armed and militant behind the facade

III.

I got a slide to go with the glock, the ghost
No numbers like I'm Mason facing out the window
Of the book depository, getting grassy on the knoll
Staying classy on the whole, Robert Hanson like the mole

IV.

But Robert Durst up in my soul
And I ain't talking chopping bodies
All these substances I stole
I'm bending knees like I'm Pilates

V.

No Bugatti. On the roof with half a gram of hash inside my hollowed tooth
I'm past the far beyond, I'm way out of the mother fucking noose

VI.

She said the time I said I was afraid to choke her harder was the day she knew that I would never lay a hand on her
I never really planned the words
I wrote down what I heard
And what occurred.
“I'm such a fucking nerd” is what I highly slurred

[INDEX]
Blackheart Bill stared at us from the porch of the tiny cabin, his eyes filled with murder. A cruel smile crept across his face, causing me to break into a sweat — this was a man who enjoyed the suffering of others.
“Well, well. If it isn’t the two bounty hunters that killed half my gang,” Bill drawled, his voice dripping malice. “What do ya think we should do with them, boys?”
“Face me like a man,” I shouted at him. “I refuse to be hung like a criminal!”
Bill’s lips twisted into a grin. “Is that so?” He said. “You think I had you brought here so you can challenge me to a duel? You’re mistaken kid.”
“I don’t want to be hung,” I said, mentally instructing Horse edge closer to Silas’ mount.
“What you want and what I want are different things, boy,” Bill said, his face relaxing into an unreadable mask. “And what I want is for you to suffer for killing my men. Jim, get a rope.”
Gap-tooth laughed like a drunken donkey and swung down from his horse.
I brushed against Silas, pulling his gun from my Inventory. Silas was fast, insanely fast. The gun appeared in my hand for a split-second before Silas had it pointed at the outlaw and was firing sizzling black bolts of energy.
Blackheart Bill was faster.
The outlaw dodged to the side in a blur, firing off three wild Kinetic bolts, one passing on each side of Silas before the final one tagged the man in the chest with the sound of shattering glass.
I pulled my gun from inventory a moment later, regretting my decision to load it with Lightning rounds as I pulled the trigger. Thunder roared as I shot the bandit behind me, then I squeezed the trigger again, clipping the other with a finger-thick bolt of electricity. Stone bullets whizzed around me as Horse hightailed it around the corner of the shack. Triggering [Aimed Shot] I fired a third round and a clap of thunder fried the man guarding the wood door set into the canyon wall.
Silas rounded the building a second later, his gun firing wildly at the remaining bandits. Quick as a flash, he ejected the spent brass and reloaded from his gun belt, picking off two more as they rounded the corner.
A Metal bullet burst from the wood next to my face, grazing my temple. I shoved my Mongoose into a gap between the weathered boards and fired off the remainder of my Lightning rounds, setting the front of the shack on fire. My fingers flickered as I reloaded unprimed rounds into the gun, slamming the cylinder closed.
Silas took one edge of the cabin and I took the other, shooting at anyone who moved, trapped in a standoff with the remaining five bandits and Bill, who continued shooting through the walls at us while screaming obscenities.
“Told you I didn’t want to hang, you scar-faced freak,” I taunted the man, firing a shot at one of the bandits scurrying to find better cover behind a broken wagon missing its rear axle. The Kinetic Bolt spread as it covered the distance, growing from a finger-sized bolt of blue energy into a basketball sized cloud that dispersed with a crackle and pop. Somewhere in the back of my head I knew the range was only about twenty yards and chastised myself for wasting the bullet.
I had less than 550BP remaining, which was a lot for unprimed shots, but only 54 [Aimed Shots] or about 100 primed shots. If I needed to use any of my other Utilities, it would drop fast. The bandit I had missed popped off a shot from his new vantage point, punching a hole in the wall above my head. I sent a Stone bullet in reply, causing him to duck from sight.
\Ding**
A popup blocked the lower half of my vision.
-=-=-
📱 [New Power-Up Available!] 📱
🔫 Pinned down behind an old shack? Bullets not packing enough punch? Try [Overcharge]! 🔫
💥 Just 500 credits, Limited time only! 💥
🌟 Features Include: - [Overcharge] Utility**: Infuse your bullets with extra battery points and surprise everyone! - Costs 500 credits - Requires 82 Memory
⚠️ Important Notes: - Cannot be stacked with active Utilities - Overcharge can severely damage firearms
[Get Overcharge Now ✅] [Maybe Later ❌]
-=-=-
The 60 second timer counted down 2 seconds before I punched accept.
[Downloading…20%…32%…68%…87%…Done!] [Installing…8%…12%…49%…52%…91%…Done!]
“You get shot?” Silas asked, sparing me a glance while I was stuck waiting for my upgrade to finish.
I shook my head. “Psychic thing,” I said once the System was done shoving data in my head. The knowledge of how to use [Overcharge], was simple enough — just push extra BP through the runestone and increase the destructive power of the bullet.
I triggered [Overcharge] and pushed an extra 5 Battery Points into the runestone, bringing the total cost of the Stone bullet to 6BP, then squeezed the trigger. The projectile impacted the broken wagon like a grenade, sending fragments of wood flying everywhere.
The screaming started a second later, followed by the bandit whose face was covered in blood and splinters. Selecting [Aimed Shot] I put a Stone bullet into his head, shocked by the spray of gore that filled the air. Hot bile burned the back of my throat, forcing me to swallow hard and refocus on the immediate situation.
The sound of hooves reached my ears, followed by Silas swearing. “They’re escaping,” He said, turning to mount his horse and swearing again. The animal was trembling in shock, bloody froth covering its mouth as it struggled to breathe. I noticed the blood covering its side then, where it had been shot when we had retreated behind the shack.
The shack was now burning quite impressively. The flames had grown to the point that it was uncomfortable to remain close, so I moved to a cooler spot and took a seat on the sandy ground. Pulling the Marlin from inventory, I popped off the leather caps that protected the scope lenses and took aim at the fleeing bandits. The scope pulled them in close enough that I felt I could reach out and snatch them with my hand even though they were over a hundred yards away now.
Bracing the rifle on my knee, I sighted through the scope and pulled the trigger, worked the lever to eject the shell and fired again. On the fourth shot I watched as Blackheart Bill’s horse stumbled and dropped to the dirt. I was aiming at Bill, but taking out his horse was good enough.
I watched as Bill took cover behind his downed horse and yelled at his men to come back and get him. They didn’t even look back, hunkering down as he started shooting at them, hitting one and dropping him from the saddle. Taking aim through the scope, I shot a few more rounds at Bill, causing him to turn his attention back to me and return fire.
A gunshot from behind me caused me to jump. Turning to see the source of the gunfire I saw Silas standing over the body of his horse. I guess he decided to end its misery.
Holstering his weapon, Silas yelled at the outlaw. “It’s over, Bill! Throw down your guns!”
Bill fired off another few rounds, none of them even coming close. A gunslinger like Bill might be deadly at close range, but he was just as accurate with a pistol as everyone else at a hundred yards.
I fired off a Metal slug from the Marlin and Bill returned fire. Our standoff continued, none of us wanting to commit to a move.
“How far you think that is?” I asked Silas.
“About a hundred ten, hundred twenty yards. Why?”
“Long as I’m here I might as well try to zero in this scope,” I replied, sighting down the barrel while adjusting the stupidly expensive piece of equipment.
“It’s a nice scope,” Silas admitted, rolling a cigarette. “You’re only as good as your gun.”
I nodded, fired off another shot, adjusted the scope, then fired off another. Until I got this thing in a vise and did it properly, this was as good as I was going to get.
The top of Bill’s hat was just visible over the ribs of the dead animal, so I used [Aimed Shot] and fired, eliciting a string of curses from the outlaw as it was knocked from his head.
I grinned at Silas, who returned it with a smile of his own. “You think this is gonna take long?” I asked.
“Put a few of those explosive rounds into that horse. That should get ‘em moving,” Silas answered.
“That was an [Overcharged] stone bullet,” I said. “Not sure it’ll have the same effect with a Metal slug.”
Silas nodded his head. “Be careful you don’t Overcharge too much, you can damage the core of your gun or even cause it to explode,” he said.
I sighted down the scope and triggered [Overcharge] with 5BP, sending another five Metal slugs downrange just as quick as I could work the lever-action. The slugs tore through the carcass, kicking up little puffs of dust as they tore into the ground beyond it.
Bills hat began to wave over the remains of the horse, then it dropped from sight.
“Let’s give him a few minutes,” Silas suggested. “If he’s playing games, he’ll lose patience. No sense endangering ourselves if he decides to pop up and start firing.”
I shot a few more [Overcharged] Metal slugs into the carcass, the last one causing the hat to fall out of Bills hand. Through the scope I could see his limp arm draped over the side of the horse.
Pushing the Marlin back into Inventory, I rose from the ground and looked at Silas. “You take the left and I’ll take the right?” I offered.
Silas loosened his pistol in its holster and began walking.
“Is it always like this?” I asked the bounty hunter.
“Like what?”
“So…messy.”
Silas tossed the remains of his cigarette onto the ground. “This was pretty bad,” He admitted. “Most times it’s just some guy in a small town saloon or holed up in a shack somewhere in the woods. Someone who thinks moving a few towns away will cover their tracks. Some even try to start their lives over. Bill was a two gold bounty, someone a posse would chase down, not two men.”
“So why did we go after him?”
“Because I thought he was in the Hardash forest, not running roughshod over the patriarch of Silvertown,” Silas laughed suddenly, shaking his head. “The plan was to locate his hideout, collect a few more men to handle his gang, and ambush them.”
We eased around the bullet-ridden horse to discover Blackheart Bill bleeding out. One of my bullets had gone through the horse, through his back and exited his chest. He gave us a bloody grin as we approached with guns drawn.
“There’s a healing potion in the saddle bag under the horse,” the bandit said, spitting out a mouthful of blood. “I’m worth more alive than dead and you don’t want to throw away good money, do ya?”
Silas pulled the hammer back on his gun, pointing it at the outlaw’s head.
“Wait,” Bill said, coughing weakly. “I got a dragon core, a real dragon core. I’ll tell you where to get it.”
“Now where would you get a dragon core?” Silas asked.
“From the Silvertown mines,” Bill rasped. “One of my boys, his brother works the mines and told him that they found dragon bones. That’s when I took the girl and made her daddy my bitch. He’d do anything to get her back.”
Silas pulled the trigger, splattering the outlaws head all over the remains of the horse.
“I’ve heard enough,” He said, holstering his pistol. “He kidnapped the girl and the others, holding them hostage so the Patriarch and other townsfolk wouldn’t interfere with his scheme. Let’s find the girl and get back to town.”
“Damn, Silas. In cold blood,” I said, turning my head from the sight of the gore. This is twice today I’ve seen the inside of a man’s skull. I should be bothered by this, like really bothered, but I’m not. Not really. It’s like there’s a disconnect and the only thing my brain can process is how smooth and efficient Silas was when he pulled the trigger. I can still taste bile in the back of my throat though.
“You want to do that thing of yours? Or you want me to dig his core out?”
“I’ll handle it,” I said, kneeling to touch the man so I could trigger [Disassembly]. “You should go see about the girl, she’s trying to use my Horse to get away and is having a nervous breakdown because he won’t move.”
I asked Horse to mosey around the burning remains of the shack with his new rider and to meet Silas. He sent back an image of him riding in a wagon with me pulling it. I’m guessing that he’s not enthused about being a taxi service.
The girl, Loretta Jurgens, was not in good shape.
The door set into the wall of the canyon covered the dead-end shaft of an abandoned moon silver mine left behind by some prospector. Loretta had been kept in there for the better part of a month and was in hysterics trying to get Horse to move. I'll let Silas deal with her while I process everything.
I collected 2100 credits for the all bandits, another 130 silver that I split with Silas, and of course, all their cores which would need to be turned in for bounties. A dozen pistols and several score of bullets were added to my inventory as well, including several knives and other personal effects that Silas assured me would fetch a few coin at a local pawnshop or general store. And gold teeth.
All that remained now was to locate the loot and leave this hell hole.
[INDEX]

Before anyone jumps to criticize, let me clarify: I'm fully aware of the security risks associated with running Windows 7. It's simply an OS I keep on another hard drive for tinkering and experimentation purposes. Patching modern programs to work on Windows 7 is a hobby of mine, and I never store any sensitive information on that install.
That said, I'm currently facing a frustrating issue. Despite numerous attempts, I've been unable to install any version of Windows 10 or 11, or even Linux. Every time I try to install Windows 10, I encounter the dreaded blue screen of death with the error bugcode_ndis_driver. Linux installations, on the other hand, consistently stall at around 40% completion, remaining stuck for hours on end.
I've tried various troubleshooting steps, including disabling both onboard LAN and Wi-Fi in my BIOS, yet the problem persists across all installations of Windows 10 or 11. Interestingly, Windows 7 installs without a hitch.
For context, my system specs include a B450 Gaming Pro Carbon AC, Ryzen 9 3900X, and a GTX 1080 Ti. At this point, I'm leaning towards a BIOS-related issue. Could it be a faulty Ethernet chip causing these troubles? I'd greatly appreciate any insights or suggestions on how to resolve this perplexing dilemma.

"EVERYBODY IS TRYING TO BLAME US"
Puts man's hand on stick to beat him
Shoots at the window of a guy recording
Arrests girl not drinking
Gets in a guys face and feelings hurt
Pulls down peaceful protestors mask
Roid Rage Cop
Arrest store owners that were being looted
Bodyslams innocent man
Draw guns on Stormtrooper Cosplayer
Cop accidentally shoots other cop then suspect
Off duty asks for papers
Arrests Firefighter
Pulls gun on student outside of his dorm
Points gun at man for tinted windows
Shoots Press with rubber bullets
Kicks handcuffed man in the head
Arrests man for doing what he is told
Beat man for reasons unknown
Uses illegal chokehold
Kneeling on neck and tasing pregnant woman
Tries to shoot dog, kills the owner
Homeowner gets arrested
Choke a 13-year old
Attacks man about to file complaint
Release K9 on someone not resisting
Pull gun on teens
Plants drugs
Shoot water-spraying protesters with rubber
Uvalde
Almost sprayed
Provokes man with mental illness
Bikes over man's head
No Warrant entry
Pulled over for obeying the law
Bag of weed vs Twenty cops
Refuse to leave wrongly accused house
Almost breaks guys arm
Arrogant C
Beat a man with mental illness
Vs peaceful protesters
Flips pregnant woman's car
Pulls over Sheriff
Schooled by superior
Sergeant defends cameraman
Traffic Cop
Beat after complying
Power trip
Mom vs Cop
Ego trip
SWAT shoots complying man
Arrested going to work
Locked in jail freezer
Vs crashed old lady
K9 gang beatdown
Kill man eating anxiety pill
Arrested for recording
Assaulted over beer
Old woman dies in police car
Store owner Vs Cop
Don't flip off cops
Vs store employee
Shooting protestors
Execute a man whose car isn't working
No warrant entry and choke
No warrant entry
Woman in cop car hit by train
Shoot man running away
2x POV police brutality
Tazed in Tennessee
Police brutality
Cop neighbor shoots dog
Dying in cop car
Abusing disabled man
Blind man has a stick
Victim blaming
Laughing at civilian killed by cop
Getting run over while tazed
Trigger happy cop executes man
Shoot a man running away
Shoot Pomeranian
Kill woman with knife
Cop vs Cop
Beatdown after complying
Killing suicidal man
Middle finger
Off duty officer punching man at red light
Scared cops hide from shooter
Officer breaks 64 year old woman's jaw
Officer throws 65 year old to the ground cause brain bleed
Arrested for not providing ID while looking for cat
Four mags unloaded on woman in her own home mistaken for burglar
Go to the wrong house, execute the man holding a gun when he opens the door
Trooper murders motorist
Pulling over a bicycle rider
Raid wrong house, injure premature baby
Enter house and kill two dogs
Taze car crash victim
Another slam to the ground
Cop flees after killing motorcycle driver
Punch handcuffed man 13 times in the face
Frames man with open-container
Wildly shoot at suspect and kill kidnapped victim
Brutality for resisting
Punching handcuffed woman in the face
Abandon mentally ill teen in facility lobby
Elbow man in the face offering donations
Sheriffs execute non aggressive dogs
Burst in man's home and arrest without warrant
Police misread address = dead dog
K9 attacks restrained, non-resisting suspect
Cops vs paint roller
Smash suspect's head with handcuffs
Not giving ID = made up charges
Unlawful entry, no warrant, no arrest
Shoots barking dog
Executes confused blind/deaf dog
Woman's face destroyed after pushed into holding cell
Airmen shot in his own home holding a gun after police hide from peephole

I was so close to a n🧊. I haven’t reset my counter yet. Will do after hitting post. I went out to eat with family last night and for some inexplicable reason decided that a margarita would be nice. It was nice. So nice I had two. To be honest, I never felt bad last night. Was able to enjoy a movie with my family and went to be at a respectable time. But today. Omg, TODAY. I’m literally in pain from the swelling. In my hands, feet, even in my face. My digestion is shit. My head aches. I’m embarrassed and angry that I broke my streak. So, so, SO disappointed in myself. Thanks for reading. IWNDWYT. It ain’t worth it.

It is one full chapter, but because it is so long, I broke into four parts.
This is a theory for the actual Prologue of The Winds of Winter. Please enjoy. This is Part 4 of 4.
The Winds of Winter
Prologue
[Part 3]
Suddenly a voice roared from above. “This is Ser Forley Prester! Drop your weapons! Drop them!”
Ser Barnabus started to curse as he stood on the ladder halfway. He took a deep breath in disappointment. “Come on Leo, we have work to do.” He ascended.
Leo gave the golden egg to a shocked Lady Mormont and took a step towards the ladder, but he then turned around to Eleyna. He kissed her on the lips. The princess fought back and held Leo’s blond head with both her hands, forcing more of herself onto him. Their tongues danced a secret hidden inside their mouths, taking each other’s breath away over and over again. Olyvar did not think they would ever let go, until Eleyna did, shedding a tear. Leo turned back to the ladder. Ice in his veins and without another word, he began to climb.
Ser Brynden shared a look with Ser Olyvar. “I’m not kissing you!” He began walking towards the ladder as well, with Lord Edmure Tully trailing. He shoved his nephew aside. “Your lady wife is waiting for you on that ship with your child! Protect them! Keep the Tully name alive! Fly away now! That is an order! Take Queen Jeyne Stark to the ship and protect her family too!” The Blackfish conjured a duty that Edmure could not decline. He gave his uncle a sad agreeing nod. While climbing up, the Blackfish then looked at Olyvar. “Ser Frey, guard this ladder!”
Though not giving any direct orders to the Seashell Knight, Ser Raynald Westerling kissed his sisters and mother. They begged him not to go, but Ray flew to the top as well.
Ser Olyvar got up and began to follow, but the crying Queen tugged his cloak. “Olyvar, you promised me.”
“Goodbye Jeyne. I have to do my duty.”
“Just hang on a minute. Listen and promise me Ser Frey. Don’t be a fool. If you are in trouble, don’t try to be brave, just fly, fly away. Find me.”
Olyvar Frey got to his knees again and kissed her forehead. “Okay. Jeyne, my Queen … I’ll be back. I promise.”
“We need to move her to the rowboats,” Alesander Frey suggested. Olyvar hugged his brother, and ordered him to carry Jeyne’s weight to the exit with Lord Edmure’s help. Sybell and Eleyna Westerling held up Jeyne’s thighs as Lady Mormont spearheaded the path with her torchlight in one hand and the golden egg curled on the other.
“You better be right behind us,” Maege commanded.
“I will,” Olyvar hoped.
The new knight approached the base of the wet ladder and began to climb. He reached halfway and stopped to listen above. The thunderstorm roared its fury, and the Blackfish was already speaking.
“What kind of knight threatens a pregnant woman?” Ser Tully voiced his rhetorical question.
“We did not know she was pregnant. She fooled us with her sister. But I am one that follows the orders of his liege lord.”
“You mean the Lannister one that killed his king once? Or the other Frey one that killed his other king too? Or the dead lord who killed Dornish babes? How do the princes of Dorne feel about you cheap-honor Lannisters?”
“You were the ones that rebel against the crown.”
“And it was the Kingslayer that threw Bran Stark out the window in a time of peace! At his own home! Do the Lannisters enjoy killing children and murdering unarmed people at dinner?”
“He is my liege lord.”
“Aye, and you seem like someone who knows his role and shuts his mouth. Do you want to be remembered for the rest of time as the knight that cleans up after his shit? ‘Here lies Ser Forley Prester, the legend that wipes the Goldenhand’s ass,’ will be written on your tomb in gold. Too bad your grave-mark will forget the part where everyday you take his golden-hand, shine it up real nice, turn that piece of metal sideways and shove it up your own candy arse for pleasure!”
The men above laughed as a shriek of thunder rumbled not too far from the Rock.
“You seem like a charming man Ser Brynden, but we are not here to discuss the rights or wrongs of men, knights, lords, kings and princes who are far far away from here.”
“Well here in my garrison I have Ser Olyvar Frey, son to Walder Frey, and a loyalist to his King, Robb Stark. Please ask Ser Olyvar Frey which is right and which is shit?”
Olyvar realized the Blackfish is chatting to buy time for Jeyne to escape.
“Is he a knight now?” A familiar voice that sounded like Edwyn Frey asked. “How did that come to pass?”
“Kill the right people I suppose. And whom do I have the pleasure of speaking to now? What is your name my lord?”
“My name is Ed–“
“IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!”
Giggles tickled the rainy circular drain above Olyvar.
“And aye, I knighted him myself. And his Queen in the North even made him a new coat of arms to differentiate himself from his disgraceful family,” the Blackfish announced to Edwyn Frey.
“And how would I know what cloak he wears now?” Ser Forley’s voice continued.
“Fastened by Queen Stark herself, it’s the bridge of the twin towers with a river flowing underneath, colored Stark grey and Tully red & blue. But every one of my friends here are all championed by our Queen. Are any of you beloved by a queen?”
Ser Forley tried to counter, “A new sigil of water flowing underneath a bridge? Did he make the water flow himself? Is he a plumber?”
“Aye, he may be a plumber knight, but you got shit for honors.”
“My honor is in tact.”
“Was it in tact when you abandoned your army at the Battle of the Camps? Claiming that you have honor is like claiming turtles can grow wings and fly. My plumber knight has more honor than your shit!”
Ser Forley paused … and then exulted, “Will this plumber be cleaning up my shit later?” Quiet chuckles whispered from the higher balconies.
The Blackfish retaliates, “As long as you acknowledge your honor as shit, he will.”
Loud laughter filled the air, but with Olyvar hiding in the hole of the floor, he could not tell if it was from his brothers, from his foes or both. Alive or facing death, one should know better not to trade japes with the Blackfish.
“Enough!” yelled Ser Forley. “You are clearly out manned down there at this courtyard! At least three of my men to one of yours! AND I have the high ground! So I won’t say it again, drop your weapons and I will let your men live!”
“Do you take me for a motley fool? You just don’t want us to loose back when you shoot your crossbows at us. You Lannisters cannot win in a fair fight against us if we are armed, but you men sure do a good job of killing defenseless people and children. And I will not give you that pleasure!”
“I do not know what you heard, but that is not entirely true.”
“Not entirely true? Do you Lannisters fondle the children first before you kill them? Do you give the children a good sniff before you cook them like Mad Danelle Lothson? Mother have mercy!” Ser Brynden teased.
“Enough! I will let your men live if you drop your weapons! I swear it on my hon-“
“We shit on your honor! Are there no true knights among you lot? You men following this shit knight’s shitty order, do you not have any honor yourselves? To chase after and kill a woman who is in labor? To kill a babe? Our king—”
“OUR CHOSEN KING!” Lord Galbart Glover’s voice thundered in before the Blackfish continued.
“—chose to execute his own kin and bannerman for butchering children … Lannister children! Frey children! But your knight here serves men without honor. Ser Jaime Lannister the Kingslayer! Lord Walder Frey the Guestslayer! Lord Roose Bolton the Turncloak! COWARDS! Men who serves hospitality with bloodshed beneath their roofs and massacre innocents! Will you continue to serve these false knights and false men? Are you not fathers, nor aspire to be fathers some day? Well serve your CHOSEN lord’s bidding and be cursed! A predator of children is no lord of mine!” Ser Brynden Blackfish Tully spat and thunder boomed. “The gods will never forgive that, the slaughter at the Twins, the murder, the treason, the mutiny!”
Ser Forley began to scream louder, “You call it what you want! You’re down there, we’re up here! You came into the wrong damn castle Ser!”
“Stand fast brothers!” Ser Tully alerted.
“Gods damn this, I am telling you this one last time. Order your men to drop their weapons to the deck.”
“So you could parade us as prisoners before executing us? I cannot give that order,” defied the Blackfish.
“I am not going to repeat that order!”
“I WILL NOT GIVE THAT ORDER!” Thunder boomed again.
“WHAT IN SEVEN HELLS IS WRONG WITH YOU? THIS IS USELESS!”
“STAND FAST!”
“ONE LAST TIME! ORDER YOUR MEN TO –“
“Ser Forley!” an unfamiliar voice called. “Queen Stark and her group are spotted. They are escaping on a rowboat at sea below. They appear to be heading west,” the watchman said.
Edwyn Frey’s voice commanded, “Archers, to the western edge! Kill them! Kill them all!!”
“BROTHERS! Kill the watcher first and anyone on that western edge!” the Blackfish thundered in the order.
A quick shoosh was heard above and a cry of pain immediately sounded from the west, as a body thumped and squished onto the lower muddy ground.
And suddenly the air was filled with it, as the thunderstorm raged on.
Shoosh shoosh shooosh shooosh shoosh ahhhhhh ahhhhh shoooosh ahhhh shooooshhh shoosh boom doom boom doom boom doom shooosh shooosh ahhhhhhh boom doom boom!
The heavens exploded from above, illuminating Olyvar’s drain instant after instant. Men were heard screaming and dying in agony. Whether or not it was his brothers or his foes, Olyvar couldn’t tell. He caught a glimpse of three bolts speeding above his small hole in different directions, and knew there were a hundred more he could not see. The enemy has the high-ground, Olyvar remembered, all my brothers are probably dying. He was unsure whether to descend down or ascend up the ladder into the chaos. He started to tear up, the cold rain still soaking his face as lightning continued to flashed and thundered through the pit above him.
“GOOSE!!!” Leo’s voice screamed. No!
“LEO TAKE COVER!”
“KEEP LOOSING BRO—AHHHHH!”
“FATHER!!”
“BROTHER, NO!!”
“TO THE WEST! LOOSE! LOOSE! LOOSE! PROTECT YOUR QUEEN!!!”
“I’M GOING TO KILL YOU ALL YOU MOTHERF*CKERS!!!”
Men were still crying up there, along with the bass of the approaching storm, blending with the streak of arrows and bolts hitting stone, mud and flesh. Still clung to his ladder, Olyvar looked down cowardly as a teardrop fell off his face. It landed on Alesander.
“You fool, what are you doing here? You left the rowboat?”
“I came back to fight.”
“You are no fighter, you are a singer. Leave here. Escape into the tunnels and save yourself my brother.”
He hesitated to answer, his own tears trickling down. “Aye, I will. And when I leave here, I’ll sing about what has happened today, what is still happening above us.” The screams were not stopping. Bolts, arrows and curses could still be heard flying above. Alesander moved towards a fissure in the cavern wall, spying to the west. “The Queen should be far out of harm’s way. The winds are kind, and the bolts are missing its mark away from the LionsJape.” He walked back to him. “Come with me Olyvar if you want to live.”
“Soon. But not yet. I need to hold this ladder. Leave my brother. Sing about this and immortalize our sacrifice.”
“Don’t go.” He grabbed Olyvar’s leg.
“Just let go of me!” Olyvar winched free.
“If you can escape, escape. I’ll fly away now. Farewell my honorable brother.”
“Wait!” Olyvar almost forgot. “Do you know what it is?”
His brother smiled a smile that Olyvar will never forget. “We have a Stark princess.” His footsteps faded into echoes as Alesander descended into the darkness of the tunnels.
But Olyvar began the climb in his. The hole above was gaping wider with each slow step up, ready to swallow him whole. Olyvar trembled. Besides the flashes of lightning, he could not see what was going on, but he could feel it in the air. He can taste the rain from above. He can hear the music of defiance to House Lannister, the sounds of arrows and loud screams drowning into silence. He can even smell it too. The smell of the Rock cooked with the salt of the sea, the iron of his brothers’ blood, the piss & stool of honorable dead men, staining & stinking the courtyard of Tywin Lannister’s home, leaving Casterly Rock an empire of shit.
He stood on the one rung that exposed his head just above the ground. Bodies. Brothers’ bodies and bolts everywhere. Rain and blood soak the mud, and fading cries of pain filled his ears. He saw the Queen’s uncle and master schemer of this plan, Ser Rolph Spicer, had a bolt in his eye as he died by the kitchen doors. The Seashell Knight was lifeless with his face first in the middle of the mud near Olyvar’s pit. Donal with bolts to his shoulder, stomach, and legs was on one knee shouting & cursing as he continued to loose arrows from three quivers as his brothers Raff & Mikkal laid dead beside him. Lord Glover had two bolts in him and took another in the chest. He paced backwards and fell over the parapet into the sea. A bolt was stuck on Goose’s neck, as he and Leo rested motionless together at the foot of a column, sharing a single bolt that shot through their hearts. The shield that Leo had held up was decorated with a dozen bolts, but it was too late for the other ones that got through.
Olyvar’s soul ached in agony, the clutch of his hand shaking as he clung onto the ladder. A small pile of feathered Lannister men had fallen from the western balcony and onto the courtyard. But he could not feel the victory in it … not now, nor not yet, perhaps never. The rest of his brothers Olyvar could not see from his ladder, but he spotted a few arrows still loosing up to the second floor behind cover, still fighting back. It is so few. Many more bolts were still shooting down from the top. Crossbowmen hid as they reloaded, popping up to release before ducking again.
He spotted Ser Brynden Tully the Blackfish crawling towards him, needled like a red porcupine blowfish. “Olyvar!” He hooted bluntly. “Why are you still here?” Olyvar’s heart quenched at the sight of the blood of Riverrun; his pink life flowing in a thin river and draining out towards his ladder. The water-downed blood reached Olyvar’s fingers. He wanted to help but did not know how, nor know the words. He offered his hand and Ser Tully held it. “Did she make it out to sea?”
“Yes Ser, she should be safe,” Olyvar prayed.
“So, do we have a prince or a princess? Or one of each? Heh!”
“Do not get greedy Ser,” Olyvar jested. “We have a she-wolf.”
The Blackfish smiled a hard smile with blood filling his mouth. “Good, they should be safer this way. And I hope she takes after her fierce grandmother.”
“Which one? Lady Catelyn Tully?”
“Of course heh. That would be a great granddaughter name for our storm-born she-pup … Catelyn,” the Blackfish joked.
Olyvar smiled while Ser Tully reciprocated a red one. “I like the name Adara.”
“Adara? That sounds like a wonderful name. Where did that come from?” Ser Tully asked, tearing and bleeding.
“It was Captain Samullu’s mother’s name.”
“Aye, that is a terrific name. Princess Adara Stark. Tell that to our Queen Jeyne that I concur to the name choice, pass that final message of mine. Now fly along Ser Olyvar, escape here, reunite with your Queen and protect your family. There is nothing left to do here but die, so fly! Let the divine swift winds of winter push Adara to safety. You have King Robb’s spirit within you. The babe does not have a father nor Grey Wind, so you must keep her safe.”
“We are all her fathers,” Olyvar declared.
The Blackfish grinned, knowing Olyvar probably out teased him in his final moments. “No … a band of fathers brothers? That would make us a band of uncles.” He chuckled bloodily.
Olyvar laughed and teared a drop. “That was a very clever. Just don’t tell Lady Mormont.”
“Don’t worry fellow Uncle, I won’t.”
“It has been an honor fighting by your side, Ser Uncle Brynden Tully, the great Blackfish.”
“It has been an honor living by yours, Ser Uncle Plumber Knight,” the legend replied.
He watched the knight’s life wash away, his last breath tasting the rains of Casterly Rock. The legendary Ser Brynden’s last words were for me. Wells flooded in Olyvar’s eyes, beginning to blind. He lets go of his hands.
He takes a few steps down the ladder, and then suddenly stops. What honor is this? Leaving my brothers and my commander like this? Am I a little cowardly rat of a ratty family, hiding in a tunnel? Or am I a brave knight?
The thunder and rain continued, but the arrows have stopped. Nothing but silence, only stares if Olyvar had to guess. His brothers were all dead. I need to get up. One step up and he suddenly stopped again. No, I need to escape and protect my Queen, does that make me a coward?
He checked his pocket and made sure his letter to his father sat below his heart. It was still there. Olyvar’s grip on the rung was firm and quivering.
To flee or not to flee? That is the riddle.
“Soldiers! To the lower floor! Grab their bows and quivers. Get down that ladder, find a boat, chase Queen Stark and kill them! Kill them all!” Edwyn Frey’s voice ordered.
Well, that made answering the riddle a lot easier.
Ser Olyvar Frey ascended from the pit of his ladder, his arms pulling, legs pushing, up and up into the chaos. The thunderstorm loomed above as his soul was escaping into the hole that was gaping wider with every step. He was ready.
At the ground level, he stood up. Cold rain and warm tears danced down his face, his cloak whipping in the air to the winds, his heart and fists began to fill with fiery rage. From up here, he can see the full horror of the slaughter. Brothers with bolts. Was this the same scene of my King’s death? Before he could ponder any further, he unsheathed Honor from his back, the sword was singing off its scabbard just as a bolt of lightning ripped across the sky … its twin mirrored off the steel’s reflection, the blade alive with blinding light for an instant.
Ser Olyvar counted the ill-fitted armored and shield-less men as they came pouring out from the kitchen doors at his level. Two, three, four, five, six … seven. Thin white stripes splits the sky. His heart was thumping and rumbling to the same beat of the thunderstorm that was mumbling in every distance.
I’m going to fight them all, no soldier in any Seven Kingdom army can hold me back!
The distance between the first unarmed man closed. His shocked face eyed Ser Olyvar’s new twin tower sigil on his cloak. Confused, he began to slow down, but Olyvar sped up. He greeted him with a deep slash, ripping him off as the skies flashed again. He darted forward to the next man, allowing the first one to take his time dying behind his back.
The second reached for his sword but was too slow to the draw. Honor found the front of the pink man’s chest and the rear of his back. For a heartbeat, the bloody front half of the exposed steel glowed damped red, while the clean side sparkled in purple. Olyvar pulled back his sword after a twist, and the soldier dropped to his knees to the boom of thunder.
The third drew his sword halfway before Olyvar swung at his head as his steel electrified, emitting blinding light to his eyes. He smelled Honor up close with his nose, as a gash ran from ear to ear while teeth and tongue exploded in the air. Olyvar paid him no more mind.
The fourth with panicked eyes was just a boy. He successfully drew his weapon from his belt and lifted above his head a short wooden stick. A flute? He stared up at his own wind pipe as his sword rested in his scabbard untouched. Between his legs, his breeches began to darken more with moisture, as the rest of his body was frozen like ice. A fLuke? It doesn’t matter. The Plumber Knight began to raise Honor high. The boy cried out, “Mother have mer—“.
“No,” Olyvar cuts him off, his voice was cold as stones. “I am not your mother.” Honor fell in a bright silvery-blue arc as the force of the blade severs the soldier’s right stick-bearing wrist, and splits the skull & brains underneath. Ser Olyvar Frey kicked off the mayhaps-fourth-corpse as its limp body slid from his red wet steel.
The fifth one was ready with his sword, as the sixth and seventh began pincering around Ser Olyvar with theirs. The rain began pouring heavily, cleansing the blood and brains off Honor, ready to shine again.
Olyvar’s wits returned from his blind rage, and began backing up calmly before they could surround him. The rear of his heel tapped a fallen shield that once belong to one of his brothers. Olyvar grabbed it instinctively and raised it up. “Come on you apes! Do you want to live forever? Come at me then!” No one came forward to answer the riddle, so Ser Olyvar went to them.
He charged at the one on his right as Honor slashed and flashed, but the soldier jolted backwards avoiding the swing. The shifty swordsman slipped on the surface with his hop and fell face-first into the mud. The other two took their chances when Olyvar swung and missed. He caught the cut of the left soldier on his shield, as the middle fighter aimed high. To the ground, the knight ducked under, saving his head. The middle slugger lost his balance at his empty decapitating slice, and a crouching Olyvar stroke savagely at his knees in a splash of red and bright purple. He fell face-first too, as the other soldier on his left began hacking at the wooden shield that Olly held up. Doonk! Doonk! Doonk! Before his challenger could swing a fifth time, Olyvar Frey on one knee whirled the apex of his shield viciously at the man’s wrist and sent the sword flying from his hand. Without hesitation, the Plumber Knight stabbed upwards from crotch to brains as the steel surprised the man with shock. Olyvar stares into the white of his eyes as they reflected a flash of lightning. The eyeballs then slowly rolled up into the back of his head. He unsheathed Honor downward from the dead man, as blood and shit fell like loose stool to the ground.
The other fighter with no knees rolled around to face up before he could drown in the mud. He was crying and screaming on the ground. “Nooooo!” But the Plumber Knight jumped on him without mercy. He tried to dart and evade, but forgot he had no knees to push from. Olyvar’s feet stomped the man’s stomach as he thunder-slammed the edge of his shield to kiss his opponent’s mouth, silencing him forever.
The first armed man that dodged his death finally got up from his struggles with the slippery ground, only to meet at it again. Soaking in mud, he began to bull-rush Olyvar, trying to stab or slash an opening with his sword. Olyvar dashed towards him in squishing strides, and took his charging strike at his Brother’s shield as he stepped aside. The former squire of Robb Stark, Olly, instantly planted his foot and twirled. His Queen’s wet cloak spun and smacked his opponent’s head. Suddenly the Plumber Knight had the enemy’s rear and naked. He lifted his King’s sword up, pointing down with both his hands on the grip. Ser Olyvar and thunder roared together as Honor brightly stabbed from above into the mudman’s back with the flash and fury of the gods. “AHHHHHHHHH!!!”
He lifted his sword back up as the seventh corpse fell to the ground, face-first again. Suddenly a mosquito buzzed from behind his ear and a short wooden stick skidded off the flat stone-path in front of him. He then felt a bite in his back, lost a breath and saw another wooden rod. But this one was lodged in his right breast. Red blood slowly began to seep from his black scaled boiled-leather armor as he grunted in pain. He reached for the stick trying to push it backwards from where it came from. Quickly he felt the pain again as he saw another bolt stab the front of his stomach while his Brother’s shield slid off from this left forearm. The third one struck the side of his left thigh, sending Ser Olyvar to the ground on one knee. He braced on his King’s sword to keep him from falling flat.
“Cease fire! Cease fire!” Ser Forley Prester ordered.
Cold rain danced on his face with the warm tears he tried to hide, his cape was flapping in the wind, and his heart was thumping quicker in unison to the beat & the flash of the storm. Ser Olyvar Frey, you honorable fool, why did you rush in? You can’t help yourself falling in love with bloody vengeance for your fallen brothers and King? For an instant, lightning popped again above the Rock and thunder rolled. You should have taken your time killing them as they descended down your pit, instead of you going up the ladder to their chaos. Frey blood, -no … blood of Roses By another name welled from the bolts that had punched him. He had known nothing half gallant and half stupid at the same time for what he just did. Or at least you could have flown away, such a fool! You should of just beat it. No one wanted to be defeated like this. Why did you have to show off how funky strong your fighting skills were? At this point, it doesn’t matter who’s wrong or who’s right … you should of just beat it!
Ser Forley Prester spoke from his balcony above. “You must be the Plumber Knight that the Blackfish talked about, judging by the sigil on your cape. A traitor to your own family. But for the honor of your lord grandfather, let us pass and I will let the maester do his job to save you. Or would it please you Ser, if you wanted some more bolts?”
More? Olyvar twisted his mouth in defying silence, his gruesome wounds spitting out blood. He had a job that he promised to do. He must rescue his pregnant Queen. Little did he know, he had to rescue a princess from this castle too. We all died for Robb’s little girl, there was no more to ask of them. Did these uncles succeed for her safety? He turned around to the west to see as far as his eyes could see into the sun setting sea. Her boat was far enough from any archers, and soon it would be too dark for a chase. The thought brought him joy. Thank the gods for this swift divine wind. We did our duty.
Impatient for a reply, the shit knight said, “I will not ask again. Knight to knight. Let us pass. We need to take back the Queen and her unborn son. I will bring them no harm, you have my word. Drop your sword, bend the knee like you mean it, let us pass … and I will tell Lord Walder Frey what an honorable warrior and a great grandson you are.”
That offer was a lie, a conjurer’s cheap trick. They would just humiliate and shame him before executing him for treason. That was not the song he wanted, not for his despicable old father. Olyvar would rather die sword in hand to the tune of another. He wanted Alesander’s song about the Motherfunker, Ser Brynden “Blackfish” Tully, his real brothers and the band of uncles. And he had one last shot, one last opportunity, to seize everything he ever wanted here. In this one moment, can I still capture it? Or will I let it slip? His palms were bloody, knees weak, arms were heavy … but the Queen and Princess are safe. Mother’s mercy. He was nervous, but on the surface, he looks calm and ready to drop bombs. But he had forgotten what he wrote down in his father’s letter, as the crowds above goes so loud. He opens his mouth but the words won’t come out. He is choking. How? Everyone was joking now.
“Your luck has run out. The time’s up, it is over SER Olyvar. Bow.”
No. I refuse to BOW Ser. And I cannot die yet. There is something I still need to do. Both hands on hilt and pommel, he pushes himself up with Honor, surrounded by the doom above. He can feel his life leaving him. The skies blurred between light and dark, white and grey, with the black slowly creeping in.
“It’s a girl,” Uncle Olyvar said gently as he thought about his princess niece. The Plumber Knight then roared a roar that would put any craven into tears. “AND NO! YOU SHALL NOT PASS!” Honor rose and fell, the pointy end of his King’s sword squishing the blood soaked mud and crunching the rocks underneath.
KABOOOOOOOMMMM!!!
Instantly, lightning and thunder erupted above them at the loudest exploding caliber of the evenfall, blinding the sights of men and gods alike.
Uhoooooooooo! boom doom boom doom boom doom
Suddenly drums were beating, and trumpets were blasting from the east. Lord Gawen Westerling’s diversion! But they’ve come too late to rescue Olyvar and his brothers. The enemy did not divert to their last jape yet … their silent scared eyes still on the dying Plumber Knight. They began to reload their crossbows. This is my moment. The things I do for love, but I’m sorry Jeyne, I can’t do that. I can no longer keep my promise. Robb was waiting and I can finally rest again. We three will meet again together some day, but not today, he thought*.*
The band of drums, trumpets and thunderstorm blended into a sweet sad song that Olyvar wanted. This music is for me, and I will lose myself in it.
Charging up his final energy into his wounded lungs, he began to scream again.
“OUR QUEEN— ” A howl of blood cuts him off from finishing what he meant to say … our Family is safe.
“OUR KING—” A pool of iron filled and choked him before he could declare … we have done our Duty.
Still standing, he dips his chin low to empty his mouth, coughing out his mother’s Rosby blood. He needs to say his final words loud and clear. After the last spoon of blood poured down, he snapped his chin up towards the heavens and reality … ready for the gravity. With all the weight of his life, he pressed his King’s sword deeper into the Rock as the Plumber Knight thundered a roar, “OUR HONORRRRR!!!”
From below, Ser Olyvar of the disgraced House Frey faced off to the sad conflicted look of Ser Forley Prester with his garrison of archers beside him. The darkest gloom of the grey stormclouds had arrived and hovered above them, wet and heavy. The gods want their vengeance for the Red Wedding, he thought. The skies of Casterly Rock began to blacken with the rain of bolts and arrows. The only thing that could be seen is the single golden teardrop of the shit knight, reflected by the last light of the setting western sun.
BOOM!
THANK YOU FOR READING.

Tl;dr: The title pretty much sums it up. An unfortunate series of events, the PEP is making me very sick, poor leadership and now I’m resigning.
I’m an RN circulator in the cath lab. About 45 minutes into an open procedure, the doctor’s eye glasses fell off of his very sweaty face and into the sterile field (we were putting in a pacemaker) The doctor freaked out, yelled at and rushed us to scramble for supplies to make the situation right. He made us feel as if it was our fault because the room was too hot. We had turned it down to 60°. We also had a traveler training a traveler (the monitor person) and the scrub tech was training a brand newbie to the cath lab on her 2nd day.
As I was dropping new towels to the field I got hit in the eyes with the blood as my scrubber was flushing the used sheath with saline. This came out at very high pressure and it had copious amounts of blood in it. The scrub tech got it in his eyes too. He was wearing goggles I was not. It was a dumb move on his part but he’s in the same boat as me, it wasn’t malicious and I don’t blame him.
I went and rinsed my eyes in the eyewash station for 5 minutes at the direction of my ANM. My ANM was great and helped me through the whole process of calling the BBP hotline, etc. However, we are shortstaffed, so I was expected to go back into the room and finish circulating the case (and several others before they finally had to send me home because I had to hunt down the post exposure prophylaxis “PEP” medicines at some obscure pharmacy.)
I didn’t find out until after that the patient was HIV+, as it was not disclosed in the H&P, or the one previous, but 3 H&P’s ago! This was an outpatient and those H&P’s were from his previous hospital stay. Outpatients are coming from the cardiology office and 1 H&P is all we have to go on!
I could tell the doctor felt bad when I returned, but nervous because he knew he dropped the ball. The doctor told me that the patient stated (while under sedation during the case, mind you) that they do not have a detectable viral load. After the case, the doctor gave me a big hug and told me his own sob story about how he got cut by a scalpel when he had a hepatitis C positive patient (but he “didn’t worry about PEP for myself”) but then proceeded to make sure that I take the PEP, told me it might make my stomach “a little upset, but it may be a good idea to just take a PPI.”
My boss (manager not my ANM) made me cry in our storeroom when I told him that we were rushed and spread thin and bad mistakes like this happen under these conditions. He argued with me and reprimanded me for not wearing “proper PPE” …all of this in front of the poor blood-borne pathogens nurse who was just there to draw my blood (yeah, in a storeroom…I couldn’t be too far because I needed to get back into my cases!). She even apologized on his behalf when he left.
Now here I am, after having taken 3 days of post exposure prophylaxis, and I’m incredibly sick. Nauseous, vomiting food that I ate 12+ hours prior, fatigued and having constant splitting headache. I’m a chronically ill person to begin with, with a millions symptoms with what looks like Lupus on multiple different autoimmune reflex tests. My BP has been so low before this that my cardiologist has been ordering IV fluids on my lunch brakes and started me on midodrine. I have 3 little kids and I’m 8 months away from taking my FNP boards. To say I was struggling even BEFORE this shitshow was an understatement and now I just can’t handle it…
I’ve put in my resignation for 5 weeks from now, but I’m feeling too sick to work now on these awful medicines. And I have to take them for 28 days! I’m so lost, scared and never EVER thought nursing would be like this.