I wasn't planning on watching Thrice Upon A Time. I had not liked the previous films and they seemed like a very inferior product compared to the original anime. However, the good reviews and opinions I saw about it encouraged me to do so. I did it with as open and tolerant a mind as possible, knowing that there was a good chance I wouldn't like the film. "What's the worst that could happen? That I don't like it and continue to prefer the original series? At least I'll be entertained for two and a half hours," I thought. What I did not expect at all is the deep feeling of disgust and repulsion that this film provoked in me, in a way that no other film has provoked in years.
I hated the movie from start to finish. I could spend hours talking about the boring action sequences, about its ugly, excessive CGI that ruins the already ugly mecha, about its disgusting hypersexualization of fucking 14-year-old girls, about how Misato's plans don't make sense, about how Last Kiss almost made me tear my ears off, or its plot full of Deus Ex Machinas with concepts conveniently taken by Hideaki Anno from the place that his last name suggests; but the real reason I'm writing this is because I feel like these movies spit on everything the excellent original work represents.
Not only because as adaptations they fail miserably, but also because they retroactively damage the original work (we'll talk about that later).
Before I begin to explain why the rebuilds are bad adaptations, I want to warn that I am going to do a relatively exhaustive review of the 4 films, so this rant is going to be very long, like staying up late on a winter night with chronic insomnia. That said, let's start to see the reasons:
WHAT IS NEON GENESIS EVANGELION?:
To understand why rebuilds fail as remakes, I must first ask you, dear reader: What does Neon Genesis Evangelion mean to you? (it should at least be familiar to you, unless you've spent your life under a bridge) What do you think about when you read that title, apart from Shinji fucking in front of a comatose Asuka? What comes to mind when you hear the most famous opening in anime history, apart from Shinji strangling the otter against Happy Thursday's throat? (in more ways than one). If your answer is: "It's a mecha anime for emos with a coomer protagonist", that's fine, I respect that; but please press the red "X" in the top right corner of your screen, you can now leave.
Now, I'm going to get serious and explain my definition: Evangelion is a work about the hedgehog's dilemma and the difficulties of forming emotional bonds that human beings have, as well as the consequences of trying to separate from them for fear of rejection. It is not a story about heroes. It's not a story about saving the world. In Evangelion there are neither heroes nor villains, but rather a group of emotionally broken characters trying to be happy in a world just as broken as them. The real enemy of Evangelion is not the angels. It is the lack of communication and empathy.
https://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dilema_del_erizo
It is that same lack of communication and empathy that progressively causes everything to go to hell to conclude with a cathartic and bleak ending, but consistent with the themes of the work. It is therefore an existentialist work about human relationships disguised as a mecha anime. This, added to a unique visual style, daring direction, and mechas like never before seen on television, made Evangelion one of the most influential anime in all of history, as well as a true commercial success for Gainax Studio. Success that encouraged other studios to carry out projects such as Cowboy Bebop or Serial Experiment Lain, taking anime towards a new golden age.
Even today you can hear the echoes of that Third Impact of End of Evangelion in 1997. The list of works influenced by Evangelion both inside and outside of Japan is endless. Of course, it is not a perfect work, nor extensive in errors: its target audience is ambiguous, many of the biblical references are more for decoration than anything else, and several aspects of the ending(s) could have been explained better. However, many of these errors can be attributed to a lack of time and budget during the production of the original anime (which was quite chaotic and improvised); therefore, they are understandable and forgivable.
In summary, we can conclude that Evangelion is a dark, introspective, provocative and unique work (at least at its time). This is also combined with a unique visual identity and complex characters whose relationships intertwine and interconnect throughout the work. The sum of all these factors is what led Evangelion to be such a critically acclaimed work that it transcended its own genre and became an icon of popular culture. And this in turn constitutes the biggest mistake of rebuilds; because they commit the biggest sin that an adaptation can commit: denying everything that made the original work great.
ADAPTING WITHOUT A CLEAR PURPOSE:
One of the biggest problems with these remakes (as well as a clear example of what I'm saying) is their total narrative inconsistency. Let me explain: the first rebuilds movie (1.11) is a literal copy-paste of the first 6 chapters of the original anime, with practically the same scenes, dialogues and even music. This makes the film completely redundant and unnecessary (and makes one wonder why it exists); But in any case, the message is being conveyed that the purpose of these remakes is to adapt the original series as faithfully as possible to the cinema with a current animation style.
However, the second movie (2.22) is a... something. A pastiche of new and old things where the plot broadly follows that of the original anime, but with many things changed (of course, for the worse) and a different ending. All this compressing no less than 14 chapters of the original anime into two and a half hours. Here the message that one can infer is that it seeks to adapt the original story (very briefly) by changing and rearranging certain elements, now more in line with what an adaptation is.
However, then we get to 3.33 and... well, after a 14-year because reasons timeskip, we're now in a post-post-apocalyptic world (repetition intended) where ex-Nerv members fight against Nerv itself. Nerv in giant spaceships, there are mechas everywhere, Misato is a sociopath, and Shinji and Asuka still look exactly the same because "DAMN JEBA." Here we can infer that what is sought is to create a totally new story and take it in different directions than the original. The following movie (3.0+1.01) is the only one that is consistent with this purpose.
Whether all these narrative pirouettes were planned in advance or not (clearly not), we can see that there is a clear incongruity between what is intended to be done and what is finally done. All of this generates a strong narrative chaos where the elements and themes of the original anime are mixed with the new ones, creating a total inconsistency. Since also in 3.0+1.01 it is revealed (unfortunately to me) that everything is part of the same universe and this is not really a remake, the excuse of "they are different universes, they don't have to be the same" doesn't work either.
In fact, one thing that you will see me comment a lot throughout this article is the lack of narrative consistency of these remakes, especially in comparison to the original work.
A HEDGEHOG WITHOUT TICKS:
No character in Evangelion better embodies the central theme of the work than Shinji Ikari, its own protagonist. Shinji is not a hero: he is not brave. He is not a genius. He is not charismatic. He is not selfless. He doesn't want to save the world. His reason for piloting the Eva is to gain recognition and appreciation from others; especially from his father, whom he hates, but at the same time admires; He feels that she despises him, but he also wants (and needs) that she loves him. Shinji spends the entire series in the dilemma between escaping from what hurts him (classic avoidance behavior) or accepting it and moving on, even at the risk of being hurt again.
This theme is rock solid throughout the entire original series: from the first to the last chapter of the anime, and from minute one to the very end of End of Evangelion. Even the opening itself makes several visual references to Shinji's hedgehog dilemma. This can make Shinji an infuriating character for audiences accustomed to typical anime protagonists; but it's those same things that make Shinji such a unique and special character. He deconstructs and subverts the hero's journey. And it's not as if this hinders the plot: Shinji is not proactive, but he also does not spend the series crying, as many often claim.
https://files.catbox.moe/eolho0.mp4
https://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monomito
And as you may already be imagining, the Shinji of the rebuilds does not have a hedgehog's dilemma. Or rather, he has it, but only during the first movie (copy-paste of the original anime) and part of the second. This is a problem, because it creates a strong narrative inconsistency (again) where it seems that two Shinjis exist at the same time or that this one is bipolar. As of 3.33, Shinji's entire character arc is based on trying to redeem himself for his past mistakes first by unleashing "Almost Third Impact" (what a stupid name) and subsequently preventing Kaworu's death while trying to right said mistake.
Is this a bad thing? Not necessarily. The problem is that I have already seen the arc of the hero who fails to eventually rise up and succeed in 100 trillion works, while the hedgehog's dilemma in none more than in Evangelion (at least in my case). Which makes Shinji a much less interesting character. Some might argue that in 3.0 + 1.01 Shinji does have such a dilemma because he spends half the movie crawling on the ground; but there is not a hedgehog's dilemma, but rather depression for having seen Kaworu's head go KAWOOM (I know, the joke was very bad, but if he didn't do it, I would explode too).
End of Evangelion's Shinji did have such a dilemma because the reason for his depression was having been manipulated and used by someone he had previously opened up to and then forced to kill him, not for failing in his mission (in fact, he was very efficient in her mission to separate Kaworu's head from her body), which in turn brings sexual (and later, deadly) results for Asuka. I insist: narrative consistency. But this is not the worst: the worst thing is that at certain moments in these films, Shinji becomes the typical shonen savior hero, betraying the central point of his character in the original series.
https://youtu.be/E-x-f2OrWeA
A perfect example of this is the ending of 2.22, where the fight in chapter 19 (COINCENTLY from where the original anime starts to get more introspective) is transformed into a ridiculous shipping attempt, with Rei turned into a damsel in distress and Shinji into a savior hero while spouting all the typical cliché lines, topped off with a disgustingly cheesy ending. But of course, how could it end otherwise? With Shinji's Eva practicing cannibalism on Zeruel's corpse (the original scene)? Too disturbing for current times. Shinji and Rei fighting as a team to defeat him? Yes of course. Rei has enough not being in the kitchen. Besides, Asuka already takes care of that, hoping to receive her alpha male's cock as a reward.
https://youtu.be/TPS0Uk0TkP0
Because, like any good modern anime protagonist, Shinji now has a harem.
FETISHING WITHOUT CONTROL:
Of all the characters who are now part of Shinji's harem, the one who is most harmed by this is Rei (Asuka's case is different, and the other character is an infernal creation from Anno's sick mind). Not only because acting like a bitch in heat goes totally against her personality and because of the murky situation, considering that she is a clone of Shinji's mother, but also because her character is reduced to a mere fetish object that does things cute to produce tenderness in the viewer and make coomers buy their figurines.
Rei is an interesting character because he raises numerous existential questions based on the ship of Theseus paradox: the concept of identity, to what extent we can consider ourselves still ourselves, the construction and definition of a "self", etc. But here, her screen time piloting her Unit 00 is minimal (COINCENTLY most of it in 1.11) and her exploits are practically irrelevant or non-existent, also being reduced to a mere damsel in distress at the end of 2.22, as I said before.
https://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradoja_de_Teseo
In 3.0+1.01 he doesn't even get to pilot an Eva. Her role in the film is to cause pity and produce tenderness with her total ignorance (I see that the idiot Anno forgot that all the Reis are born with basic knowledge) while she is seen with different hairstyles, different outfits, working as a farmer, taking care of a baby, etc. In short, a fetish object where she wants the public to value her for how "moe" she is instead of for her abilities or as a character. In Anno's mind, feminism advances in reverse. Ironic, considering that it was precisely Rei who unintentionally started the moe culture.
Of course, it goes without saying that Rei is not the only one who suffers from this extreme fetishization of her character in these films. Under the excuse of paying homage to End of Evangelion, Asuka now always wears an eye patch (needless to say it has nothing to do with having been injured there), a cap with cat ears, in addition to having a very convenient trend for the coomer public of walking naked and semi-naked through other people's houses. She sometimes puts on the plugsuit, but near the end of the movie, it is conveniently torn off, lest we forget that this is made by the Japanese.
One of the best examples of how this hareminication has destroyed the main female characters is in the elevator scene. In the original anime, Rei tries to advise Asuka in a time of particular vulnerability and depression. Rei's limited social skills, coupled with Asuka being Asuka, cause her to misinterpret the attempt to help as mockery and an act of condescension, triggering a slap from her towards Rei and a worsening of her already strained relationship and Asuka's mental state. Rei doesn't fight back because she knows that doing so would only make things even worse.
It is an excellent dramatic scene because it once again brings to the foreground the hedgehog's dilemma and the difficulties between human relationships, very much in line with what Evangelion is. In 2.22, this scene is gratuitously introduced and turned into two horny bitches fighting over which of the two will let their alpha male penetrate first, with a highly OC Rei stopping the assault attempt in a 100% gangsta way to make her see more "cool." The scene doesn't even make plot sense, because Asuka at that moment is not even depressed, and in the original anime this occurs at a much later time under a very different context.
and speaking of asuka...
SOMEONE CALLED ASUKA:
When I started watching these movies, I was afraid that Asuka's character had undergone modifications to make her more "palatable" to new audiences. What took me completely by surprise was how radically different this Asuka is from the original. So different that they can't even be considered the same character. To show it very clearly, we are going to review the personality of both:
Asuka from the original anime: An energetic and outgoing half-German, half-Japanese girl (actually it's 1/4, but who cares) who loves to be the center of attention and have everyone praise her due to the lack of parental love received during her childhood having been abandoned by her father and supplanted by her mother, who suffered from severe mental disorders. She is extremely proud and competitive because she feels that being Eva's pilot is the only thing that gives her an identity and purpose, which makes her tend to become quickly frustrated when things don't go her way and become defensive when she feels like she is being outmaneuvered. . He loves to make fun of others (especially Shinji), to the point of being cruel at times, but he does not do it out of malice, but rather to compensate for his enormous inferiority complex due to the rejection suffered by his mother and having witnessed her. committed suicide (and possibly even tried to kill her) the day she was chosen as Eva's pilot and came running to wish her a Happy Thursday. She admires Kaji and wants to fuck him because she hates her own adolescence, she needs to feel adult and independent due to suffering from a certain Electra complex for having lacked a true father figure during her childhood. She has a sweet and vulnerable nature, but she rarely expresses it to anyone except her best friend Hikari and I better stop this now because too much text.
Rebuild Asuka (hereinafter "Asuka"): A girl soldier created by Nerv as part of a series of clones who has always been alone and thinks she doesn't need anyone, although she secretly wishes to have a family. She hits and insults others for no reason, she yells a lot, never smiles or makes jokes, and hates socializing with others, which doesn't stop her from looking for Shinji's dick within 2 days of meeting him. She always plays video games while someone is talking to her and at night she talks to herself with a doll like an autistic person.
As we can see, these two characters not only look nothing alike: several of their traits directly contradict each other. Because they look alike, they are not even alike in aesthetics: the original Asuka had red hair and dressed in the traditional feminine way, while "Asuka" is light brown and dresses in a tomboy style (which I'm not saying is wrong, I'm just commenting to show the radical difference). It's not that they have changed Asuka: it's that they have directly murdered her to supplant her by someone with whom she only shares her first name (not even her last name). And needless to say, the change has been VERY for the worse.
To describe the first character, I had to spend 15 damn lines, and even then I had to leave out many important facets of his personality, his development in the original series and his entire character arc in EoE, because if I didn't have one endless bible For the second, 6 lines were enough for me, and I could have had more left over if I had been more concise. The first character is a complex and three-dimensional character, with multiple facets, edges and layers. She feels like a real person. The second character is a generic tsundere that you can find in any mecha anime of the week. She is not even comparable to the first; She's not even a good character.
We cannot speak of Flanderization because not even the most basic traits of the character have been respected. Nor can we speak of a deconstruction because that same absence of basic traits means that there is no character construction on which to stand in the first place. Obviously, this change greatly resents the interactions between characters: the original Asuka was a charismatic and fun character with the ability to drive the plot on her own (as soon as she appears in chapter 8 of the original anime she is already changing the entire dynamic between characters) , while "Asuka" is mostly only in the background or to fight; He doesn't even have a character arc as such. In fact, in 2.22 he has even less screen time than several supporting characters.
His chemistry with Shinji is also non-existent (and I'm not just referring to the romantic level) and they barely have any development together. They like each other here because... ehhhh... she likes how he cooks and he thinks she's hot? It's not that the AsuShinji (or ShinSuka, or whatever the hell it's called) here is forced: it's just that it doesn't even make sense. The only reason people still ship them together is because they did it in the 90s. Yūko Miyamura's performance also feels very lackadaisical and lacks passion, which is quite unlike her. Although perhaps this is intentional, since her character always talks as if she has the spear of Longinus permanently stuck up her rectum. In fact, the few times she says her iconic "Anta baka?" This one feels very forced, in addition to not having her characteristic high-pitched tone.
In short, the character has suffered the same fetishization as Rei (gamer girl, tomboy, one-eyed, etc.), but also with the aggravating factor that not even her basic characteristics have been respected here. This is especially disconcerting when we take into account that the rest of the characters have their original personalities more or less intact (albeit simplified). Even more disconcerting if we take into account that Asuka is possibly the most popular character in all of Evangelion, and even more so if we consider that she is Anno's favorite character (in fact, the initial idea was for Asuka to be the protagonist).
https://evaresources.wordpress.com/der-mond/
Given this, the inevitable question arises: "Why?" What was the point of turning Asuka into an inferior and tsundere copy of Rei, even more so when there are already three clones? It has always been rumored that Asuka is not popular in Japan, but that is completely false. The only semi-rational explanation I can think of is that they did it to please the haters. It's no secret that a portion within the Evangelion fandom (and outside of it) hates Asuka with a passion. They see her as someone toxic and cruel who dedicates herself to screwing others for no reason, without understanding that you don't have to like a well-written character.
https://imgur.com/a/KznXE1x
What these people fail to understand is that Asuka's verbal abuse is a defense mechanism to avoid opening up to others, since Asuka constantly says things that do not fit with what she really feels or thinks (clear proof is chapter 16 from the original series). It's not like it matters much, considering they were never more than an extremely vocal minority. That the character is so popular is proof of this. The great irony of all this is that the new "Asuka" is a much more unpleasant and detestable character than the original, since she lacks the redeemable qualities of the original and her moments of comic relief.
And if until now I have been more or less benevolent with this remake, this is something I cannot forgive: because changing a character just because a group of people doesn't like it is one of the most cowardly and pathetic acts in the world. that a writer can fall. The fact that this was also at the expense of one of the best female characters in the history of anime and with a wonderful story arc makes it even more bloody. Any other halfway competent writer would have responded with this.
https://youtu.be/5Js0ea6yPKM
...although if we go by Ockham's razor, the most likely explanation is simply that Hideaki Anno is mentally retarded.
A CHARACTER TO DESTROY A FRANCHISE AND BIND IT TO DARKNESS:
Mari Makinami Illustrious A.K.A María Iskariote (what an appropriate last name) is one of the worst creations ever made by humans. Not since the atomic bombs has humanity created something so horrible. Worse than the holocaust. Worse than fascism. Worse than Facebook memes. Worse than stepping on a lego. I would even dare to say that it is worse than pizza with pineapple. No character better reflects Anno's mental decline or better embodies all the problems of the current anime industry than this trash.
This character contributes absolutely nothing to the plot, he does not contribute at any time to its advancement, he lacks his own development or story, he does absolutely nothing relevant in the 3 films in which he appears, and he does not even have a defined personality. So much so, that all of her scenes could be eliminated or replaced by any other character and she would barely affect the plot, or not affect it at all.
The character is so frighteningly one-dimensional that she doesn't even show different emotions or moods during the three films in which she appears, always being perpetually happy and carefree even in tense situations for literally no reason. This leads to moments as surreal as her starting to sing and hum in scenes that are intended to be serious or dramatic (or so I think; perhaps what they wanted was to turn this into an unintentional comedy), again generating a gigantic narrative dissonance. The last third of 3.33 is the best example of this.
But that's not the worst: this character is clearly made for otaku coomers to masturbate to. She has almost every fetish possible: glasses/lenses (whatever they call it in your country), pigtails, miniskirt, schoolgirl, saying "nya", big tits, obsession with smell and tight outfits, etc. To make matters worse in 3.0 + 1.01 we discover that she is 48 years old, so we can also add the milf fetish. Evidently, her tits always bounce in her plugsuit (she would swear that never happened in the original series) and there are many close-ups of her ass. In addition to constantly making sexual advances towards Shinji, which also turns this piece of shit into a potential pedophile.
If the thing simply ended there, we could say that this character remains a mere annoying and unnecessary secondary character. Unfortunately, the character is also disruptive to the plot, occupying long filler scenes that do nothing more than waste time that is already scarce in a film, and that could have been used on something else more interesting; like Pen Pen watching TV, Pen Pen eating a sardine, etc. Without going any further, both 2.22, 3.33 and 3.0+1.01 begin with a long filler scene of her hitting on her. Well, to be honest, the 3.33 one is more Asuka, but this abortion is still out there fucking and singing.
It would not be an exaggeration to say that discussing why this character exists is much more interesting than any other debate that can be created about these films. I still think about it. However, the ending of 3.0+1.01 gives a good clue: the character was created solely and exclusively to stay with Shinji. I can only imagine that Anno made this tired of the fandom shipping and the arguments over who Shinji should stay with, so he decided to end the matter by creating his own ideal waifu with all the fetishes he likes in a woman to end it. with this. It's disgusting, but considering we're talking about a Japanese, totally possible.
It's surreal coming from the man who harshly criticized the use of anime as escapism and the excessive female objectification and sexualization in it, but it's the only semi-decent explanation I can think of. Basically, he is what is called a mascot character in literature. That would explain why this character never shows doubts, nor any kind of internal conflict, or why he is a better Eva pilot than Asuka and Rei themselves. It is also very revealing about the quality of the Rebuilds: creating a self-insert OC just to be the partner of the protagonist or another main character is the quintessential trait of all bad fanfiction.
However, among all this tsunami of disqualifications, I also have to say something positive: spending three movies giving hope to the shippers only to have Shinji be cuckolded simultaneously by Rei and Asuka in the last one and end up with a character with which had zero development (before 3.0+1.01 I didn't even know its name) is a true trolling masterclass, worthy of the best of ball pumpers. Only a true emperor of evil would have come up with such a twisted and at the same time perfect way to screw over a large part of the fandom. I give you my tens, Anno.
THE ANTI-UNIVERSE OF ANTI-NARRATIVE:
Of all the new concepts that Anno brings up at the last minute from the place named after his last name, none stands out more than the "anti-universe." Or, as I like to call it, the "anti-good writing." Basically because it perfectly represents all the problems of the rebuilds and their script. In the final stretch of 3.0+1.01 we have the last-minute revelation of a quantum plane of existence capable of turning imagined worlds into reality and changing this through Lilith, which cannot be understood by the human mind (wow, WHAT CONVENIENT!) and whose existence has never been mentioned or even hinted at in the entire franchise until CONCIDENTLY the aforementioned last third of the film.
In other words, a gigantic Deus Ex Machina created in an improvised way to avoid repeating End of Evangelion and forcing a happy ending where Shinji creates an ideal universe for each character (although that is questionable, as we will see later). And it is far from being the only one: the spear of Cassius, the Eva of Infinity, the key of Nebuchadnezzar, the Book of Life, and so on. None of these concepts are integrated into the plot in an organic and natural way, but rather they arise spontaneously at its convenience when it needs it. Except for the new "Super Berserker Mode" of the Evas, which is simply a power-up to sell figurines.
As I said before, if at least this were an alternate universe separate from the original anime, all this bombardment of concepts pulled out of the ass would be a little better justified. But the revelation that everything is a cycle and we are in the same universe as the original work only makes it even worse, generating countless inconsistencies about why they never mentioned this or never used that (what's the point of the seeds of life If you can create universes simply by imagining them?). Although without a doubt, the worst of all these new concepts is "the curse of Eve."
Here we have a new concept with very strong repercussions completely launched, which is not even an explanation in itself, it does not answer anything and to make matters worse, the same films contradict each other several times. Needless to say, this is a cheap excuse for the three main characters not to grow up and continue sexualizing 14-year-old girls after the most gratuitous timeskip ever seen. And speaking of timeskip, putting such a long one in the middle of the story is a first-time writing error. If you are writers, never do that: the bigger the time jump, the more things you will be forced to explain, since the less you do it, the more plot holes will form as a result.
And of course, here it explains little to nothing of what happened these 14 years. Like where Nerv got such a tremendous base from, if in 3.33 it seemed that together with Rei and Kaworu it was made up of four people. Or how they have gotten such an army of pseudo-Evas, especially when these are supposed to be extremely expensive (wow, and SEELE with all her unlimited resources was barely 9 in EoE). Or worse yet, how Kaji managed to stop Almost Third Impact (seriously, the name couldn't be stupider). None of these questions are answered at any time. Obviously because they can't do it.
Evangelion has always been characterized by leaving things up to the public's interpretation, but here I feel that they are vilely taking advantage of it so as not to have to give any kind of explanations. And in the case at hand, do not even pay attention to contradictions. Like Touji and Kensuke got on Unit 01 and that doesn't stop them from being 28 after the timeskip. Or that Mari appears to be 14 despite looking like an adult in Gendo's photos and flashbacks, plus the fact that Evas, by simple logic, could not exist back then.
The height of absurdity is when near the end of 3.0+1.01 the "unexpected" revelation occurs (actually we all saw it coming) that everything is a cycle and we are facing a reboot of the original timeline, of which only Kaworu seems to be conscious. He let them guess without giving them any clues how many times Kaworu mentioned or even hinted at such a thing in the original series. Needless to say, nothing is ever explained about it: Who created that cycle? (Adam? Lilith? The First Ancestral Race? Hideaki Anno's last name?) For what purpose? How does it work? How long does it last? Why is Kaworu the only one who remembers him? Do these remakes make sense?
THE DEATH OF A STYLE:
Fortress-cities folding in on themselves. Designs and constructions oscillating between the nineties, the utopian and the cyberpunk. Meshes of flesh and blood animated with the souls of the dead fighting with classical music in the background. A mysterious and ambiguous lore where aliens, technology and conspiracies mix with gnostic, cabalistic elements and the most esoteric aspects of Christianity (did the History Channel predict Evangelion?). Minimalist posters moving quickly between frames. Monochrome backgrounds flashing aggressively (bad luck if you were epileptic). So consistent with its themes that the A.T. fields themselves. They were an allegory of the hedgehog's dilemma (I'm not making this up, Kaworu himself says it in chapter 23).
https://imgur.com/a/2M0eDVK
The sum of all these factors is what allowed Evangelion to build an absolutely unique identity, the one that allowed people to say "hey, that's an Eva!". Starting in 3.33, all that is lost to disappear in 3.0+1.01 in favor of giant spaceships, mechanical mechas made of pure CGI, battles full of colored lights, multiverses and time loops. I'm not saying these elements are bad in and of themselves, but I've already seen a thousand mecha stories with these. For that, I start watching any of the versions of Gundam or Macross. I could also complain about the boring shots without audiovisual language and always using the same color palette, but to be fair, that is an endemic evil of current anime.
And like any bad remake, 3.0+1.01 can't help but pay homage to several scenes from the original work, completely failing to understand the point of said scenes. As an example, we have Ritsuko shooting Gendo for no reason other than to pay homage to End of Evangelion, ignoring that the context between both scenes is very different. Furthermore, here they never explain the relationship that exists between the two, so the scene makes no sense; especially for those who never saw the original series, who will also find mentions of facts that these films have never shown or bothered to explain.
Even worse is when they try to pay homage to the iconic battle between Asuka and the Eva Series. Not only because of the total absence of the graphic violence and choreography of the original, but because what makes that fight so remembered is its emotional component, since it is preceded by a narrative catharsis in which Asuka discovers that the Her mother's soul was always in Unit 02, in addition to being marked by the constant tension of knowing if she will be able to finish the fight before the Eva's energy supply runs out. Here the Evas never run out of energy (why do they need the power supply, then?), so there is no such tension.
In the original fight Asuka may not be shooting 1387945 Evas with a super cannon larger than her as she falls through an... interdimensional hole?; But there you feel every blow, you can appreciate every movement in detail, and the dramatic tension in crescendo only improves the result. If this were a shonen, the logical thing is that Asuka would win. After all, her character arc has been wrapped up in a climactic way. Unfortunately, this is Evangelion. When the Evas Series manage to cause a mortal wound with the pseudo-spear of Longinus and the energy counter reads zero, the outcome is already decided. What happens next is horrific (Asuka's enemies are cruel to her even after she is dead), and just as horrifying are Yūko Miyamura's screams and Miki Nagasawa's performance as Maya announcing that Asuka is dead. In the Rebuilds there are no performances anywhere near that level.
End of Evangelion will be as dark and uncomfortable to watch as you want, but it is a film where all those responsible put their souls into achieving the best possible result, both on a technical and artistic level.
and well, I think that for today I have already downloaded too much, an apology for the large amount of text, I will make a second part at another time because I have so many things to comment on... anyway, I hope you have a good day/afternoon/night or when you read this .

Use to love their content and a regular viewer 5-10 years ago, admittedly I don’t watch nearly as often but feels like whenever I actually do it’s sorta the same shit as most automotive youtubers, everything overhype and “mr-beastified”.
It bothers me slightly that MCM seem to regularly push the idea that they’re just 2 ordinary blokes enjoying a hobby. Except they conveniently leave out the part that they are well established with brand sponsors, industry connections, heaps of subscribers and a 15+ year Youtube legacy.
Yes, they didn’t have access to a hoist in their dedicated hobby location, but seem to have every other Ryobi tool under the sun (they even had their photo on the actual WD40 cans several years ago), heaps of mates to dedicate unlimited time and resources to helping them drive up their content. It’s the same vibe like how multi millionaires walk around in a grey T Shirt so they can push the whole “see, we’re just like you” idea.
Most recent example in the “$1000 per hour” car flip which is obviously clickbait. Look, i’m no expert but I flipped several cars as a side hustle few years ago. I can tell you first hand this wouldn’t work in the real world if you counted all the time stuffing around with finding the car, the normal back and forth bullshit on facebook marketplace, the rego paperwork / rego transfer (possibly also Roadworthy inspection + repairs if you’re in VIC), add travel time to the wreckers and anywhere else collecting parts and then you still need a good buddy who is also an expert spray painter.
You also can’t tell the buyer you’re flipping or they’ll lose all interest unless they really wanted that car so much.
Every ordinary AF grocery getter nugget they touch suddenly skyrockets in price because nobody gave a fuck about insert model of car here till the automotive influencers overhype it, like the Yaris engine swap.
What the hell happened to installing stereos and springs in a suburban driveway?

Edited: The title was supposed to say that: I may be a Petty jerk, but at least I got away from a toxic "friend. Auto correct changed it to Jersey, and I couldn't edit the actual title.
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was a jerk, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
EDITED/UPDATE: It has come to my attention that some may feel unfulfilled on the petty revenge side. For this former doormat, removing myself as her very cheap childcare was my revenge. I realize that many may not feel it was enough, but at the time, it was a MAJOR achievement for me. I had worked 8 to 10 hours a day for 5 days a week to receive $300.
When "invited" to parties, I ended up providing free childcare while the other adults got drunk. I don't like the taste of alcohol or the feeling of being buzzed or drunk, so I don't partake. I feared what would happen to the ignored kids, so I found myself watching them.
I never had a lot of friends, so for a long time, I truly thought Wendy was my friend. It took conversations with my husband, my mom, Angelface, Joy, and others for me to see the reality of my situation.
Some may say this post is in fact gossiping about her. To a point, yes I will agree. I did change everybody's names though.
Ultimately, I have always questioned whether or not I was fair or did the right thing by Ghosting and blocking Wendy. I often second guess my choice; especially when thinking about those kids.
I have tried to be more alert about the people around me since this experience. I do still find myself being too nice and accepting of some ways in which I am treated. I have tried to build more boundaries though.

I may be the A-H and a bit Petty, but at least I got away from a toxic "friend".
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and cloved feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk throughs than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as popular with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his going with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a pissed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just how toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friended on apos simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond pissed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool in order to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally blocked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was an A-Hole, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
EDITED/UPDATE: It has come to my attention that some may feel unfulfilled on the petty revenge side. For this former doormat, removing myself as her very cheap childcare was my revenge. I realize that many may not feel it was enough, but at the time, it was a MAJOR achievement for me. I had worked 8 to 10 hours a day for 5 days a week to receive $300.
When "invited" to parties, I ended up providing free childcare while the other adults got drunk. I don't like the taste of alcohol or the feeling of being buzzed or drunk, so I don't partake. I feared what would happen to the ignored kids, so I found myself watching them.
I never had a lot of friends, so for a long time, I truly thought Wendy was my friend. It took conversations with my husband, my mom, Angelface, Joy, and others for me to see the reality of my situation.
Some may say this post is in fact gossiping about her. To a point, yes I will agree. I did change everybody's names though.
Ultimately, I have always questioned whether or not I was fair or did the right thing by Ghosting and blocking Wendy. I often second guess my choice; especially when thinking about those kids.
I have tried to be more alert about the people around me since this experience. I do still find myself being too nice and accepting of some ways in which I am treated. I have tried to build more boundaries though.

Everyone has a different way of testing but i try be as precise as people in the setup of every angle, concept, hook and framework.
The 4 Ps (Promise, Picture, Proof, Push)
Make a promise, paint a vivid picture of the benefits, provide proof to back up your claims, and end with a strong push to take action. This framework builds credibility and persuades the reader with a logical progression.
here is also one of my best performing prompts to get really good copy from facebook..
👇
I am developing ad copy ideas for Facebook for my brand and need some help.
Here are some details about my brand for context:
Brand name: [INSERT BRAND NAME HERE]
Tone of voice: [ADD TONE OF VOICE DETAILS HERE]
Service offered: [EXPLAIN YOUR PRODUCT AND WHAT IT DOES]
Target audience: [INSERT IDEAL TARGET AUDIENCE]
Example audience segments: [INSET KEY AUDEINCE SEGMENTS WITHIN YOUR TA]
Audience pain points: [INPUT PAIN POINTS]
USPs: [INPUT USPS]
Benefits to customer: [INSER BENEFITS TO CUSTOMER]
I would like you to write some copy concise examples for our brand using the [INSERT COPY FRAMEWORK] copywriting framework for the [INSERT AUDIENCE SEGMENT] audience segment. Please make sure that the copy is appealing, relatable, and hits the can't concentrate pain point.
Please segment the copy using the following headings:

1. Primary text:
   
2. Headline:
   
3. Description:
   
4. CTA
   

Here is best practice advice from Facebook to follow when writing copy for ads
Keep copy short. Primary text should span 1-3 lines at most.
Communicate what you want people to do. Communicating what you want people to do at a glance is the most important goal of your ad. All of your text should be developed with this goal in mind. A range of call-to-action buttons are available, depending on your objective.
Test it on one of your ad accounts and let me know how it compares to your current tests :)

Ok, the title is a little "click baity", but also true (although "begged" might be a little over the top)
A few years back my brother and I were visiting our parents in our hometown. While we were there for the week, one of our good friends little sister was turning 21, and invited us to come to celebrate with them. It was the town over, so we drove out there to enjoy the festivities. I word it like this because it wasn't some wild party, just a small group of friends (8 or so) and her parents. We were at her parents house when her brother (our close friend) suggested we take her to her first bar visit. My brother and I drove separate as we were going to just stop in, buy a celebratory drink and head out (It was about 10pm and we had to get back).
One note, my brother and I were not drinking at all. Just hanging out (really that's what most of us were doing)
We get to the bar, it's a small town so small bar, and they push some tables together. Our buddies sister is excited, her first time at a bar, so I go up to the bar top and order a round of shots for everyone (excluding my brother and I). I made sure to leave him like a 50% tip cause it was a lot of drinks and everything and wanted to not annoy him. He gave me a serving tray with all the shots and I brought them to the table, and we were going to do a bday toast. Our buddies sister said first we need to get drinks, so I went and got to redbulls (in the cans) for my brother and I. So we could toast and then leave. We do the birthday toast and chat for a minute and then go to leave. My brother downed his redbull so was going to grab another one but forgot his wallet. I gave him mine to pay. And he goes up there.
While a I wait I am chatting with my buddy and his sister, the bartender some up behind me and tells me to leave "right now!" I turned to my brother with a "what?" expression. The dude holds up my ID and tells me my brother just tried to use it and he wants us to leave is bare "Now!". I guess when my brother was getting another redbull for the road (he was driving and wanted to be awake), the bartender asked for his ID, which he didn't even think about since he wasn't drinking, so figured he would just show him mine (since he didn't have his wallet). That didn't work lol.
Now a few things to note, I was 32 and my brother 28, so way over the drinking age. My brother ordered a redbull and not alcohol. And it was 100% justified that the dude wanted to kick us out. I am in no way upset about him kicking us out... it was the WAY he kicked us out.
I told him sorry and that's fair, we will take off, I turn to say goodbye to my friends and he grabs my arm and says "Right now!".... ok, not a fan of someone touching me. Especially aggressively when I agreed to leave and was not putting up any type of "fuss". I jerked my arm away and said "ok dude". As we are walking away he then yells "Nope! No no no!" I was at the door looking at him, no idea why he was yelling this at us.... "The Redbull stays!" What? I purchased this already. It's in a can. He yelled again "Drop the can!" By this time it felt like this whole thing was becoming a scene. If he just came up and said "hey, you gotta leave" and said why, I would have no problem with it. I worked at a restaurant for 4 years, so I completely understand what these guys go through. But this guy was now being a dick just to be a dick. I stared at him for a second, then dropped the can in the trash and walked out.
My brother was fuming. He's a big, street justice kind of guy. We get in the car and he wants to slash tires or something (we don't know this dude or have any idea what car he drives lol) he was just needing something. I told him I had an idea we just need to head out. As we are driving back home, I take out my phone and make a craigslist post (this was before facebook marketplace) and it read something like this:
Title: Everything free *PS4* *Electric guitar* *PSP* FREE!
Description: I just found out my boyfriend cheated on me and am giving away ALL of his shit! He is gone for the next few days and I need everything gone ASAP. First come first served.
Free items are:

• Playstateion 4
• Lots of games for it (I don't play, so I'm not going to list them)
• Electric Guitar (Black and says fender, that's all I know)
• Sony PSP and games
• Bunch of car stuff

If you see this posting it means I still have it!
Literally cal me ANYTIME as I am trying to get rid of this shit before he gets back
(insert BAR phone number) **I called first to confirm it was the bar and that dude picked up**
I hit post and then I called my buddy that was still at the bar and told him what I did. He thought it was funny and said he would tell me if anyone called.
Then 10 minutes later he started texting me.

Dude, the phone keeps ringing
The bartender is getting pissed
He just said, this is a fucking bar

He updated me for an hour or so while he was there. Then I woke up to 3 emails from the bar. They went and found the post and kept messaging.

You put the wrong number on your post, FIX IT!
YOU NEED TO FIX THIS NOW, PEOPLE KEEP CALLING
WE ARE REPORTING YOU

This went on for about 3 days before the post was finally removed.
"and then everyone stood up and clapped" lol. I had to add that because that's how it feels when writing the story out. I am not the best "reteller" of stories, so....
TL:DR: Bartender was being a dick. Posted the bars # on a FREE STUFF craigslist post. Annoyed the bartender for a few days. And it was all petty.

Welcome to the Weekly Employment Question Thread!
This thread is where you can ask questions about joining, training to become, testing, disqualifications/qualifications, and other questions that would be removed as individual posts per Rule 1.
The answer to almost every question you can ask will be "It depends on the department". Your first step is to look up the requirements for your department, state/province, and country.
As always, please attempt to resource information on your own first, before asking questions. We see many repeat questions on this sub that have been answered multiple times.
Frequently Asked Questions:

• I want to be a Firefighter, where do I start: Every Country/State/Province/County/City/Department has different requirements. Some require you only to put in an application. Others require certifications prior to being hired. A good place to start is researching the department(s) you want to join. Visit their website, check their requirements, and/or stop into one of their fire stations to ask some questions.
• Am I too old: Many departments, typically career municipal ones, have an age limit. Volunteer departments usually don't. Check each department's requirements.
• I'm in high school, What can I do: Does your local department have an explorer's program or post? If so, join up. Otherwise, focus on your grades, get in shape and stay in shape, and most importantly: stay out of trouble.
• I got in trouble for [insert infraction here], what are my chances: Obviously, worse than someone with a clean record, which will be the vast majority of your competition. Tickets and nonviolent misdemeanors may not be a factor, but a major crime (felonies), may take you out of the running. You might be a nice person, but some departments don't make exceptions, especially if there's a long line of applicants with clean records. See this post... PSA: Stop asking “what are my chances?”
• I have [insert medical/mental health condition here], will it disqualify me: As a general rule, if you are struggling with mental illness, adding the stress of a fire career is not a good idea. As for medical conditions, you can look up NFPA1582 for disqualifying conditions, but in general, this is not something Reddit can answer for you. Many conditions require the input of a medical professional to determine if they are disqualifying. See this post... PSA: Don't disqualify yourself, make THEM tell you "no".
• What will increase my chances of getting hired: If there's a civil service exam, study for it! There are many guides online that will help you go over all those things you forgot such as basic math and reading. Some cities even give you a study guide. If it's a firefighter exam, study for it! For the CPAT (Physical Fitness Test), cardio is arguably the most important factor. If you're going to the gym for the first time during the hiring process, you're fighting an uphill battle. Get in shape and stay in shape. Most cities offer preference points to military veterans.
• How do I prepare for an interview: Interviews can be one-on-one, or in front of a board/panel. Many generic guides exist to help one prepare for an interview, however here are a few good tips:

1. Dress appropriately. Business casual at a minimum (Button down, tucked in long sleeve shirt with slacks and a belt, and dress shoes). Get a decent haircut and shave.
2. Practice interview questions with a friend. You can't accurately predict the off-the-wall questions they will ask, but you can practice the ones you know they probably will, like why do you want to be a Firefighter, or why should we hire you?
3. Scrub your social media. Gone are the days when people in charge weren't tech-savvy. Don't have a perfect interview only for your chances of being hired gone to zero because your Facebook or Instagram has pictures of you getting blitzed. Set that stuff to private and leave it that way.

Please upvote this post if you have a question. Upvoting this post will ensure it sticks around for a bit after it is removed as a Sticky, and will allow for greater visibility of your question.
And lastly, If you're not 100% sure of what you're talking about, leave it for someone who does

This is the weekly recap of the 102 monetized posts from Kylea and Joseph "Joe" Gomez of Kylea G Weight loss Journey from 05/05/24-05/11/24.
They have made 609+ monetized posts in 5 weeks.
Disclaimers: I am not a physician, influencer, or paid content creator. I am not affiliated with WW. I am semi-retired from the healthcare field with multiple college degrees. These opinions are my own based on social media content. I wish no harm to Kylea or Joe Gomez.
☎️ If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, please call or text 988 for assistance.
📢 To the perfectionists, Kylea has a habit of heavily editing posts 3+ times and archiving/hiding and deleting posts. I do not have a burner account for Facebook and have not viewed every comment made. She does not post receipts and is secretive about her purchases.
The tagline of Kylea G Weight loss Journey is, "I changed my life with prayer and a playlist of songs. No surgery, no meds. Just Jesus."
Of the 102 monetized posts last week on the topic of faith:
0/102 discussed which version of the Bible she prefers
0/102 revealed her church home, a service she attended online/in person, or how she worships when traveling
0/102 discussed a personal/group Bible study she completes/attends
0/102 were a favorite scripture or Bible verse
Of the 102 monetized posts last week on the topic of music:
2/102 referenced music Kylea prefers= an unnamed Taylor Swift song as a clapback to a comment about pizza crust and a drinking buddy anthem duet with Morgan Wallen + Post Malone
Of the 102 monetized posts last week on the topic of health:
0/102 were about intentional exercise
0/102 shared a food, water, or exercise log
0/102 discussed meditation, deep breathing, attending grief group, or therapy for her mental health. (There were references to a mental health care provider that gave her a letter recommending an emotional support animal.)
0/102 shared reputable medical sources for nutrition or weight loss content. (She mentions WW points but does not list a website or how to access their app.)
0/102 shared a recommendation for another weight loss influencer to follow
1/102 shared a source for her recipe (Joe's deceased mother)
13/102 shared a recipe. Shared recipes below.

1. Frozen Pancake Breakfast Sandwiches;
2. Banana Puddin' Protein Overnight Oats,
3. Smothered Crockpot Pork Chops;
4. Trader Joe's Protein Pancakes;
5. Snapple Zero Sugar Peach Tea & Splenda Brown Sugar Marinated Chicken;
6. Dirty Dr. Pepper Protein Ice Cream,
7. Joseph's Lavash Bread Pizza;
8. Lemon Blueberry "Muffin" Cupcakes;
9. Blueberry Sugar-free Oatmeal Waffles;
10. KFC Inspired Bowl;
11. Sara Lee 45 cal French Toast;
12. G Hughes Smoky Mesquite Raspberry Jam Chicken;
13. Lemon Blueberry Greek Baked Yogurt;

⚠️ Disordered Eating- Daily WW Points Consumed (based on monetized content):
Sun 05/05: 10 WW points; Mon 05/06: 11 WW points; Tue 05/07: 7 WW points; Wed 05/08: 7-9 WW points; Thu 05/09: 10-11 WW points; Fri 05/10: 1 WW point; Sat 05/11: 8 WW points;
📢 To our friends at Meta, Kylea can consume up to 30 WW points per day, roll over 4 unused daily points, and consume 28 weekly points. She is clearly underutilizing her daily points and used zero weekly points. This is dangerous and potentially deadly messaging for those on a weight loss journey. 🚨
So what was Kylea's "weight loss content" about? Let's dive into her purchases to find out.
Her subtotal from 05/05/24-05/11/24= $2489.80 est + all applicable taxes, tips, and fees
Her 5-week subtotal from 04/07/24-05/11/24 was $17,133.54 est + all applicable taxes, tips, and fees
🚨 Per Missouri public court records, Kylea Gomez has not satisfied her current medical judgment and is only able to pay $25 per month.
This next section is long due to the volume of purchases. You've been warned...
Weekly Takeout Purchases= $71.73 est + tips;
Sunday 05/05/24 Mexican Takeout Salad with chips/salsa= $15 est + tip (no proof she went with friends);
Monday 05/06/24 Iced/Blended coffee: $8 est + tip (no proof she went with a friend);
Tuesday 05/07/24 Carafe of coffee at unknown restaurant= $5 est + tip (no food shown or proof sister was present); Blended Coffee= $8 est + tip;
Wednesday 05/08/24 Htea0 Happy Hour Drink for 2 + fruit upcharge for 1= $3.25 est;
Thursday 05/09/24 Pineapple Bliss for 2= $6.98 est + tip;
Friday 05/10/24 Blended coffee= $8 est + tip; Wendy's Large Sprite Zero= $2.50 est,
Saturday 05/11/24 Unknown breakfast for Joe= $15 est + tip;
🚨 These additional shopping/travel expenses do NOT reflect her rent, utilities, phone, 2 car payments, etc.
Additional shopping/travel expenses= $2418.07 + all applicable taxes, tips, and fees
⚠️ CBD aka Shopping Addiction: Most of the purchases were for a future puppy.
Monday 05/06/24 Breeder fee for female Cavapoo puppy= $1000 est + fees (breeder unknown); Outward Hound Multi-color Squeaker Ballz Fetch Toy 4-pack= $4.99 est; Outward Hound Blue Whale Big Mouthz Interactive Plush Toy with Treat Ball= $9.99 est, Outward Hound Chicken Roperz Plush Squeak Dog Toy= $11.81 est; Silicone Collapsible Food & Water Bowl= $8.99 est; Plush Oyster Shell with Pearl Dog Toy= $6.99 est; Peppa Pig Squeak & Crinkle Plush Dog Toy= $19.99 est; Pally Paws Butterfly Squeaker & Crinkle Dog Toy= $14.99 est; Woven Dog Bone-shaped mat= $9.99 est; Woven beach bag with pawprints= $19.99 est; Grey fleece blanket= $19.99 est;
Tuesday 05/07/24 *Possible Target Women's Cowgirl Boot Grid Graphic T-shirt= $12.99; Chaco ZX/2 Women's Cloud Sandal in Candy Sorbet= $105 est; Vibrant Life Playful Buddy Emoticon XS 5 count Dog toys= $5.12; Nylabone Puppy Starter Pack-up to 25lbs= $7.57; Nylabone Power Chew Textured Dental Chew Toy Chicken Medium/Wolf-up to 35lbs= $4.97; Vibrant Life Tug Buddy Rope Multi-color= $1.98; Custom Dog Tag for Birdie= $5.99 est; Two Jessica Simpson Pet Dresses= $30 est; Personalized baby blanket for Birdie (Amazon)= $19.99 est;
Wednesday 05/08/24 Roundtrip Gas Joplin, MO to Tulsa, OK= (224mi/33mpg) x $3.85 est = $26.13 est; Costco Skinny Dipped PB Cups= $25.94 est; Costco Deebee's Freezie Pops= $22.75 est; Trader Joe's Frozen Roasted Corn x 8 bags= $40 est; Additional Costco & Trader Joe's purchases= unknown; *Pawdre T-shirt for Joe= $10.99 est; Dog Treat container= $25 est; Patchwork Pet Snuggler White Claw themed plush dog toys= $9.99 est; Smoochy Pet Pals Cheeseburger & French Fry themed plush dog toys= $15 est; Armor All Hammock Style Back Seat Cover= $10 est; Black Dog Bone Mat= $5.99 est; 3 Dog bath towels= $14 est;
Thursday 05/09/24 Alani Nu 12oz Energy Drink Pink Slush for 2= $4.96 est;
Friday 05/10/24 Approx. 72 cupcakes= $41.91 est (Walmart online price used); Mani/Pedi= $75 est + tip;
Saturday 05/11/24 Coleman SaluSpa Air Jet Inflatable Hot Tub in Grey= $609.00 (Amazon price); iCrate 2-door folding black crate= $36.79 est; Kong Blue Puppy Binkie Pacifier Dog Toy= $8.99 est; Kong Pink Puppy Natural Teething Rubber Toy= $7.49 est; Lamb Chop Puppy Plush Regular 10"= $15.90 est; Remy+Roo Small Spring Dog Bandana 4-pack Kathrine Set= $23.95 est; Hubulk Pink Pet Dog Bowl Set with food scoop and Non-Skid Silicone Mat= $9.99 est; MidWest Homes for Pets Deluxe Dog Bed in Grey= $16.99 est; Beirui Cute Little Girl Dog Collar, Harness, and Leash Set= $27.99 est; 3 pack of Blankets Super Soft Fluffy Premium Fleece= $11.99
🤔 Final Thoughts 🤔
Kylea showed her narcissistic greed posting triggering content all week without disclaimers or warnings in clear violation of Meta policy on explicit content and tragedy & conflict. If that is not enough to demonetize and deplatform her, her obvious signs of disordered eating should. Her messaging is dangerous, potentially deadly, and I, for one, ask our friends at Meta to review her content and take action.
All info from Reddit. ✌️

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/lolfuckno.
This post was originally posted to weddingshaming.
There was already a BoRU post by u/autochthonouschimera, which didn't include the last update yet.
TRIGGER WARNING: cheating, child neglect, extreme entitledness, talk of abortion
MOOD SPOILERS: infuriating, confusing, frustrating
The new update at the bottom of this post has been marked with --- ---
EDIT/DISCLAIMER: FFS FOLLOW THE NO BRIGADING RULE = DO NOT COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POSTS LINKED IN BoRUs!! THIS OFC ALSO INCLUDES NOT TEXTING THE OOP DIRECTLY, NOT REPORTING THEM TO SUBS LIKE care AND NOT INCLUDING THEM IN THREADS AND DISCUSSIONS!! LEAVE THEM ALONE, THIS SUB IS MADE TO LURK AND GET SOME SPICY STORIES WITH CLOSURE, NOT TO HARRASS PEOPLE WHO ALREADY GOT ALOT OF INPUT THROUGH DIFFERENT SUBs!!
Original story was posted on December 7, 2021
Okay, so this girl I know from high school is getting married. We're both 22, for reference. In our senior year of high school she got pregnant, with baby daddy A who will be referred to as Adam. Her super conservative parents kicked her out and she ended up moving in with a friend's family. She barely graduated high school. The only reason she did were because of the generosity and support of our teachers and students who volunteered to help her, which is how we met. We were in the same law class in the morning and she had the worst morning sickness that really affected her ability to be in class. So, I took extra notes for her, tutored her, and brought her her stuff if she hadn't come back by the bell. I wasn't the only one who did stuff like this for her and I know she really appreciates all the assistance we gave her. She had the baby a month after we graduated.
She'd signed up for a 911 dispatcher course for after high school because where we live it's a good steady job, with opportunity for certificates and promotions. But she didn't realize how intensive the course would be and had to drop out. She started working at a grocery store bakery, just until she had a better plan. Adam started an apprenticeship while working part time at a hockey rink, and proposed to her literally the day of her eighteenth birthday, and brought up marriage because "it's the right thing to do" (I don't really agree with that but this isn't about me) and she was always refusing.
She started cheating on him after a while (we're all 19 now), and eventually leaves him for another guy because... She's pregnant again and it is far more likely that this guy, baby daddy B who will be referred to as Brad, is the father of the child. Neither of them can afford lawyers so getting any kind of custody agreement is a mess, and then their parents got involved and they did 50/50 split (still not made official). She has the baby, that does turn out to be Brad's, and everything is okay for about nine months, when she finds out Brad has been cheating on her with his TA. Brad decides to pay child support but doesn't really want contact with the kid, only around holidays and one weekend a month for his parents' sake.
She moves back in with her parents (we're all 20 now) who only accept her back because there's grandchildren around. On the plus side, (when she's 21) she gets to take that year long dispatcher course, and passes with flying colours!
After working as a dispatcher for a year (we're all 22 now) she meets a police officer we'll call Chad, who's 26 and married... And Adam's second (?) cousin (I can't remember how they're related, just that Adam and Chad are related somewhat distantly). She has an affair with him (infidelity is super common among cops apparently). She gets knocked up, his wife divorces him, Chad proposes because "it's the right thing to do", she accepts, and her parents kick her out again for being a [insert expletive here], she moves in with Chad with her two kids. They've started planning the wedding, which... Given the background is something akin to a dumpster fire. Adam is LIVID. He was desperately in love with this girl and hasn't really recovered from what she did to him, and while she rejected his proposals years ago, she's accepted one FROM HIS COUSIN WHO PROPSED FOR THE SAME REASON HE DID.
Adam has basically made a call for loyalty in the family, dividing everyone one who should go, who should give money, etc plus they're having trouble planning anything because of COVID. Her parents have outright said that they're not going, along with half of her family, and her younger sister has been going around and sabotaging what plans they can make.
She has asked me to be a bridesmaid, I said that I couldn't because I live in a different province now, but the truth is, I do not want to be wrapped up in that clusterfuck in any way . I'm just watching the arguments and events unfold on social media because this is quite honestly the most entertaining thing I've seen all year. It's weird to me that she even asked because we're not friends, we never have been. We were friendly strangers in high school, I just helped her out for one class because she needed help and I could give it to her. I was just being nice. But based on how she turned out I'm just sad for her. Three kids in four years, and she's alienated so much of her friends and family because if her actions, and I'm torn between feeling sorry for her and putting my head in my hands.
EDIT 1:
First off, all of your comments are hilarious. Second, I'm going to answer some of the common questions.
We're from a city with over 400,000 thousand people, she just comes from the neighbourhood that is made of either bible thumpers or white trash, with no in between. But the high school we went to was in a completely different neighbourhood than that.
Our school had a pretty good sex Ed course, and they gave out free condoms and had resources to help girls get birth control, and they had programs in place for if students ever got pregnant/were going to be teen parents (they also had one of those classes with the dolls for girls who were high risk at teen pregnancy but she wasn't high risk so she wasn't in that class) I don't if BC just didn't work for her, or if she never tried it.
She started alienating her friends after the affair with Chad came out, because people weren't exactly jumping for joy that she'd broken up a marriage (Chad and his ex didn't have any kids, thankfully, so there were less obstacles). When people weren't immediately ecstatic for her she started getting very snippy, rude, and was "calling the bitches out" on social media for not supporting her new relationship or pregnancy. (Tbh I'm really worried about her health because having this many babies so close together is just not good for her health, mental or physical.) People are also worried that Chad will cheat on her "if he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you" and think she should avoid marrying him so that she can just leave him if it happens.
I'll give you updates as they come out, but so far it's just a lot of yelling on social media (mostly from her), some relatives slut shaming her, and people who are just really worried about her because, as funny as this is, this doesn't seem like healthy behaviour.
EDIT 2:
First off, I realized I never gave this girl a name. For the sake of clarity we'll call her Beth. I realize that I didn't mention this before, but all of these are fake names.
Second, to everyone commenting that Chad is at fault for his marriage breaking up, believe me I'm well aware of that. It is his ex wife and her family/friends who solely blame Beth. Chad is also older than her and has more life experience, so I do believe that he could potentially be taking advantage of her naivete. However, she is also an adult who is capable of making her own decisions and has chosen to make poor ones in the past.
Third, people who are upset that I'm posting this story here, claiming I'm humiliating her. She has been posting about this mess on every social media platform she has since they got engaged in July. She put this out there long before I did except she did so in front of friends, family, employers, and coworkers, as well as internet randos.
Fourth, despite getting engaged in July and attempting to start planning then, I was only asked to be a bridesmaid three days ago. I knew that there was a mess going on but I didn't really pay attention to it until she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I tried to ask what was going on, I said that she should talk to someone, but when she completely brushed me off I checked her FB and Instagram and found out about all of... This.
Fifth, I realized that I didn't really talk about how disastrous the wedding planning has been going, see here you go:

• they've had to rebook three times because venues and vendors kept cancelling when infection numbers got worse even thought their wedding was months away
• Beth has been flipping between having the wedding while she's pregnant saying she's proud of her bump, and wanting to wait until they're born because she feels fat, which is unfortunate because she's been breaking down due her insecurity on a public platform
• Beth is currently seven months pregnant
• Beth's great aunt was going to give her her wedding dress to wear (after she gives birth) but Beth's mom freaked and stole the dress from said aunt before Beth could get it and is now keeping it, the great aunt says she's too old to get in a fight and has shrugged it off
• Chad's immediate family is paying for the wedding and has been cut off by the rest of their extended family for 'choosing Chad'
• Beth's wedding colours are pink and green, which is usually a nice combo but the specific shades don't go great together, they're her and Chad's favourite colours, which is fine but she literally made a video talking about these colours for 14 minutes on her insta and both of her kids are just full on bawling in the background and she's ignoring them and she's gotten some flack for that
• Adam is finally settled into his trade and has now hired a lawyer and is trying to get primary custody and not allow his daughter to go to the wedding
• she's planning a zoom baby showebachelorette party and has sent out a registry and she's asking for crazy expensive things
• she's also set up a go fund me to help pay for a honeymoon and is making a lot of posts about how no one loves her cause the fund only has $1267 of the $20k she wanted

I'll update when I can but I'm still in school and while I do want to help her, she's refused help offered in the past and there's only so much of this I can take mentally right now.
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UPDATE:
Hey everyone, so some stuff has gone down, and it doesn't look like it's over yet. Sorry, I didn't update sooner, but Rona came back with a vengeance and totally messed up plans with uni and family. Anyway, onto the update.
From the last update - 16th - Lots of ranting and chaotic wedding planning on social media, she found a dress and has decided she will get married while pregnant, they found a local wedding venue that is very lovely, but I'm shocked she's still trying to book stuff with all of their previous venue cancellations.
December 16th - Her little sister unblocked her to call her a s*ut and tell her that all her wedding plans were stupid. This resulted in a petty and entertaining facebook war until the little sis blocked her again on the 17th.
December 18th - Beth went nuts on social media because Adam had "kidnapped" their daughter, what really happened is that because courts are moving at a snail's pace due to COVID and Adam had reason to believe that their daughter was not safe living with Beth he decided to just... Not give her back. They don't have a custody agreement, and when Beth tried to call the cops they couldn't do anything because he was kinda right. There were dozens of videos on her various social media accounts of her ignoring their daughter, yelling at her daughter for crying or doing other things that toddlers do, it turns out that everything she needed was bought by Adam, food, diapers, clothes, toys, daycare (while it was open) etc. on top of the unofficial child support he was paying every month (which turned out to be $500 a month, a number I find ridiculous because Adam was already paying for literally everything) because she refused to buy anything for her daughter and insisted it was Adam's responsibility. Additionally, after the immediate post-birth appointments, Beth never took baby A to a doctor's appointment, she always deferred that to Adam. Baby A's pediatrician has NEVER met Beth. Beth even tried to get Chad to push back or intimidate him or something, but the local police where we live are under one hell of a microscope after a bunch of dirty cops got busted a couple of years ago. Basically, the cops, and the social worker they ended up calling, ended up saying there was nothing she could do until they get to court. The social worker tried to get her to go to therapy and parenting classes, but Beth refused and went on a fifteen paragraph long rant on Facebook about how she doesn't need parenting classes or therapy (she really, really does though) and called the social worker some choice words.
December 19-24 - Just a bunch of ranting on social media, calling everyone who doesn't enable or justify her behaviour cuss words, slurs, and a whole bunch of other horribly creative things. Also, both she and Chad are under investigation at work now, but she has no idea why. I'm gonna take this time to remind everyone that 99% of this info is coming from her public social media pages where her coworkers are friends and place of employment is listed.
December 25 - I am officially embarrassed to know this woman. I didn't go on her FB page until the evening cause I didn't want to deal with drama, first thing in the morning, on Xmas. In the morning she put on a very beautiful blue maternity dress, got Chad in his police blues, and baby B in a purple romper, and then live-streamed her and her family going to the courthouse to get married on Christmas day. (According to her Twitter, part of this was because their newest venue cancelled on them after COVID numbers spiked) Overall, a pretty tacky thing in my opinion because she stated plain as day, several times, that she intended her wedding anniversary to eclipse Christmas for her children because it's just "so much more special, you know?" (I am so glad that Baby B's grandparents are filing for guardianship) But here's the thing... The courthouse isn't open. Because of COVID for one thing, but also because it's Xmas and Canada has a predominantly Christian history. She proceeded to have a full meltdown, and when Baby B cried because, y'know, the kid's mom was screaming up a storm and scaring her, Beth called her a c*nt. Yup. So done with this bitch.
December 28 - I ran into her at a vaccine clinic cause we were both getting our booster shots. She didn't recognize me at first but one of my old bosses (cause I used to work at the hospital the vaccine clinic was in) called my name and said hi, so she came up to me after my old boss had left. We talked a bit while we sat down for the mandatory waiting period after getting the shot. She asked how I was but didn't even wait for me to respond before she started ranting and complaining about her life. I was just going to sit there until the time was up and then just politely make my exit, but when she started talking shit about her kids something inside me snapped. I just said "Do you even like your kids? Do you like being a mom?" She got pretty quiet for a second and then said "no". Idk, her voice and demeanour completely changed and we just sat in silence until our time was up. I said goodbye but it was really awkward.
December 31st (today) - I just looked at her feed and, this is such a shocking what-the-actual-f*** moment. She's thinking about giving up her kids. She went on about how recently she was asked if she liked her kids or being a mom, and how she realized that she didn't. She hates her children and blames them for ruining her life, and how she doesn't want to be a mom. I mean, nothing is official yet, but what the hell?!
I'll update as stuff happens now that I have the time, but this whole thing has been a big giant mess. Also, sorry for any formatting or grammatical errors, I'm not used to using Reddit on my PC.
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UPDATE
Okay, so, some stuff has happened and most of it's good? Also, the TL:DR for this update will be at the bottom
Jan 4th - Beth (and Chad) stopped posting on all social media. I was actually a little worried she died, I mean this woman posts everything short of her trips to the bathroom on IG.
Oddly enough, this got people messaging or interacting with her social media pages because she was usually the one to start contact, and that contact was usually yelling. No one heard from them and some people started to be like "should we call the cops for a wellness check?" Until Chad posted a status saying that they're fine but are "busy, please stop trying to contact us right now". Everyone listened but it was weird.
Jan 11 - I got a notification that Beth and Chad are active on social media again, but I didn't feel like drama so I didn't check out any of their posts.
Jan 12 (today) - she messaged me on FB asking me to be her MOH. She also kept going on about the resort in Cancun that she and Chad were looking to have their wedding at... This coming February. Omnicrom is really bad where we are, so no one should be travelling anywhere. I've actually had to delay my trip back to the province where I go to university. No one should be travelling anywhere.
Beth also found out that Chad was cheating on her with one of her co-workers and called the woman a "homewrecker" on FB tagged her, and posted the texts she found on Chad's phone. But Chad is the "love of her life" so she's forgiven him, but not the other woman. Which I find very hypocritical, considering how she and Chad got together.
She also sent pics of possible bridesmaid dresses and they are the most hideous dresses I've ever seen. I know that some brides do that thing where they want to look a million times better by comparison but this was just ridiculous. One of them looked like a partially deflated balloon with feathers strapped to it. She also openly admitted that she expected everyone attending to pay 3k, 2k would go towards that guest's stay at the resort and 1k would go to her and Chad and they will expected wedding gifts, so that they could get their room for free. Apparently, she talked to someone at the resort and if she got enough people to book their rooms she and Chad would get theirs for free. She also wanted the money to be given to her instead of directly to the hotel so that people wouldn't realize that she was taking 1k of their money. Beth sent me a pic of the wedding dress she wanted, and it's definitely a clubbing dress. If that's what she wants that's fine (and for the record I do think she would look great in it, Beth's (current) dream wedding dress ) but she wants all the guests to be dressed black tie. And she's already sent a list of unreasonable requests. Such as;

• all women must wear heels (for a wedding in the beach???)
• no one is allowed to have a baby or be pregnant (really?)
• girls must have longer than shoulder length hair, boys must have very short hair, only and inch or two long
• no one is allowed to be skinnier than her
• she will be providing diets for everyone attending based on how she wants us to look
• she and Chad must get bachelor and bachelorette parties both in Canada and in Mexico that need to be "fit for a king and queen" and both must be paid for but anyone but the bride and groom "cause that's just tacky"
• no unnatural hair
• no tattoos (you have five tattoos, Beth, and in the dress you want all will be on full display)
• no one is allowed to talk to her directly, they must speak through the MOH and BM

Honestly there's a lot more but I didn't feel like typing all that out. She's posted the list on FB and IG and people are already calling her a bridezilla.
I was also just kinda weirded out because aside from the previous convo at the hospital and when she originally asked me to be a bridesmaid, we haven't spoken since high school. So I respectfully declined, stating that the virus and school were my top concerns right now. Then, I decided to check her socials to see if she'd posted anything. She had and everything was basically how it was before the hiatus... Except her kids are nowhere to be found. No "look at my cute baby" pics are kids crying in the background of her videos. Nothing. Though, based on her new pics of herself, she's given birth to baby C. I mean, she's definitely still recovering, but she also definitely had a baby and that baby is not on any of her socials, so when she responded to my decline with an attempt at guilting me to be her MOH, I asked her where her kids were. This was her response.
"Oh, I left them at the side of the road in our way home from the hospital those moochers could walk home lol"
I was like, please tell me you're not being serious (especially cause it looks like she had the baby days ago). And she replied "I was just joking you shouldn't be so serious all the time". Honey, you made a joke about child abandonment/abuse, you're not being serious enough. And then I finally got the update on the kids.

• Baby A is still with Adam, Beth signed away her rights
• Baby B and Baby C have been given to a mutual cousin of Adam and Chad who is infertile (tbh I didn't need that last tidbit of info or the three paragraph long rant about how God hates infertile women, I didn't even read all of it, I couldn't, and I didn't think that Beth could be so cruel to even think those things). I checked out the FB page of Baby B's grandparents and they're happy with their grandchild's new parents, it looks like the cousin and her husband and welcoming them to the family as another set of grandparents and will let them have access to B. So yay!
• One thing I do need to stress though is that because of COVID the courts in our areas are either moving at a snail's pace or closed, so none of this is "official" but Beth (and Chad) has signed paperwork and all that needs to happen now is presenting that to a judge.

And when I rejoined our convo she said the doc she had for baby C gave her brith control, and she was surprised cause after her first pregnancy she asked her doctor for it but he refused to give her any. She mentioned that her old doctor was also her mom's and sister's doctor, she ended up asking the doc who delivered baby C to be her new doctor, so I hope that works out.
After learning all this my convo with Beth started to go down hill...
Beth: wait, did you actually think I would just leave my kids at the side of the road! I just didn't want to be a mom, but I wasn't a bad one
Me: Beth, I think that you've been through a lot of trauma in the past few years, and that it's gotten to you mentally and that you should speak to a professional.
(Of course, Beth has been a bad mom, but she does need mental health help and I wasn't going to convince her to get it, or to not tell at me, if I said that )
Beth: what? You think I'm crazy?!
Me: no. I think that getting kicked out as a teen because of a pregnancy and having your family actively reject you and try to sabotage you must have been very painful. Plus, pregnancy puts a lot of mental stress on women and you've had three in such a short time span, I just want you to take care of yourself and get what you want in life, and I think that will start with you taking care of your mental health.
Beth: what I want... IS FOR YOU TO GO STRAIGHT TO HELL! Beth then calls me every cuss word, expletive, and derogatory word she can think of one of the words she called me was a derogatory word about people from my ethnicity and my blood is boiling that she thought it was okay to say that to me.
So, I'm now on her hit list. She's been blowing up my social media all day, on her last FB post where she called me a slur she said that she still expects a good wedding gift from me. Yeah, no. So I've blocked her on everything, and I've decided to completely cut off contact. This will be my last update.
TL:DR - Beth went on a social media blackout for a bit, had baby C. Gave up all her kids, baby A is still with Adam, Baby B and Baby C are with a mutual cousin of Adam and Chad and baby B's grandparents have access. Chad cheated on her and she forgave him, but she probably shouldn't have. She's decided to have her wedding in a little over a month in Cancun and is expecting unreasonable things of everyone already. She asked me to be MOH I respectfully declined. I also suggested that she talk to a mental health professional because she's been through a lot in the last few years and she cussed me out, she also called me a derogatory name directed at people of my ethnicity and that was the final nail in the coffin. I'm now on her hit list. But her kids are safe and I have no interest in going to wedding so I'm cutting contact completely and have already blocked her on all my socials. I'm refusing to be involved with her anymore and will not be updating on the situation.
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--- EDIT - NEW UPDATE --- - JANUARY 25, 2023 - TL:DR AT THE BOTTOM
Hi, everyone, I didn't think I would be making another update, but here I am. I don't know if anyone will even care but whatever. I saw a YouTuber, Charlotte Dobre, do an entire video about this post on Facebook (which was funny, she did it well), [editor's note: here's the video in question and also: check out Charlotte Dobre's subreddit !] and got so nervous that Beth was gonna see it. Turned out, she's seen it and does not give a single damn, because as I pointed out, the majority of the info in this post came from her public social media. She also doesn't know who posted it (more on that in the update). I am still no contact with Beth and have no plans to change that anytime soon, but we have mutual friends who have told and shown me what's happened.
First things first, she and Chad did get married, but they eloped. According to all sources they are completely and utterly miserable though. Chad has proven to be and overall lazy and unfaithful husband, and Beth has really gotten into feminism (with a focus on reproductive issues) after she started using birth control, and Roe v Wade getting overturned (even though we're in Canada) really caused tension in their marriage. As it turns out, Chad thinks that abortion is murder and God created women for the purpose of making babies.
Beth tried to argue that not all women want or should be mothers using herself as an example, and then Chad went ahead and used her as an example of why women should be forced to have kids, because in the end she gave kids to an infertile couple. She didn't take that well and said that her entire life and future was ripped away from her and destroyed the second she got pregnant with baby A. Adam was never slut shamed or demeaned like she was, both at home and at school (which is a fair point, myself and many others were helpful and supportive but there were a lot of people who judged the hell out of her and said really nasty stuff) and that if she hadn't gotten pregnant she would've gone to college or university because she lost the general and financial support of her family with that positive pregnancy test. Chad has made a Tinder account. Beth was informed but it doesn't seem like she gave a damn.
So basically you could cut the tension with a knife.
And with her family, her sister came out as gay and cut off/has been cut off from their parents. But she's got a partial scholarship so she's doing okay. She and Beth are NOT on good terms but have met up and acknowledged that their parents messed them up by being religious nuts and their parents encouraged them to be competitive with each other and sabotage each other. Apparently their dad's motto is "competition brings out the best in everyone" (ugh). But they've talked and that's good enough for now.
Neither Beth nor Chad have custody or visitation of their children, which Chad is starting to regret because he's suddenly getting more and more into the church and religion. Chad talked to Beth about getting baby C back but Beth shut that down hard and warned the cousin who adopted baby C (officially and legally btw).
Beth started going to therapy after she and Chad got married, which makes me very happy and excited for her.
There was a rumour going around that Chad has a mistress and it took me a while to confirm, but it's true. He's cheating on her with a paramedic and she knows. Beth is fully aware. Idk if she plans to do anything about it or just continue to ignore it, but I hope she leaves his ass. I'm still not gonna talk to her, she crossed so many lines, but she's grown and improved a lot and her life would be a lot better without that sac of scum in her life.
Now, I have given a few details in my post that should've revealed my identity to her, namely her asking me to be her MOH. I have found out that she actually asked around 15 girls (including myself) to be her MOH, without telling any of us about the others because she was trying to get money from all of us and because her mental health has just been very bad and she needed help. And of those 15, 8 have been going to school out of province and of those eight we all had basically the same classes in high school. And apparently doesn't remember our discussion at the vaccination clinic and had major blow up with everyone she asked to be MOH. So she knows it's one of 8 people and reportedly has no interest in trying to narrow that number down. (Chad did the same thing with his groomsmen, but idk any of the numbers)
TL:DR Beth and Chad got married (eloped), are miserable, have zero custody or visitation with any of their children, Chad's cheating and Beth doesn't appear to care, Chad is super sexist, Beth is a feminist now, Beth's sister is gay and they've talked but not reconciled, Beth asked too many girls to be MOH for money and doesn't know the ID of who made this post.
Dear "Beth", if this post gets forwarded to you or somehow graces your phone screen, leave Chad. He's trash and you'll be much better without him in your life. And though I'm not willing to talk to you again because of your words and actions, I do wish for you to have a wonderful and happy life.
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I'm not the OOP!

There is quite a bit of chatter in the JFM Facebook Group since the KFVS12 follow up report a few weeks ago.
I have reached out to my sources and to the family to see if there's anything substantive they can share and will provide any updates as soon as possible.
From what little I've heard and have been able to piece together, Illinois State Police "ISP" has re-engaged with the case again to some degree and even the Carbondale Police Dept. "CPD" is showing increased/renewed interest. ISP re-engaging would seem to be a good thing on the surface because many of the prior investigators involved have left ISP, been demoted (or taken a demotion), or have otherwise transitioned.. However, given the early history of the investigation, any further CPD involvement is potentially quite concerning. Recall that CPD supposedly turned over the Investigation to ISP very early on Day 1, yet they allowed specific staff to stay at the scene and even attend the autopsy. So, at this point, it is unclear why CPD may be trying to re-insert itself or how/why they would be allowed to do so.
Given that both LE bodies seem to be showing renewed interest, logic would seem to dictate that some new evidence has come to light or some new (or revised?) witness testimony has become available.
Justice for Molly!
(Edit - removed KFVS12 link as it is already pinned above and cleaned up spelling/grammar.)

How unhinged will my family and friends think I am if I post this on Facebook? 😂😩😭
Why do people begin to act insane when you’re pregnant? My name is [insert my first name], not “mama”. I’m not a walking incubator. Genuinely not sure how I’m supposed to answer the question “How are you feeling?” ten times a week. People asking if I plan to breastfeed!?! What an incredibly odd and personal thing to ask someone. Why do you want to know this? People just touching my stomach without asking!? In what world is this appropriate?
People. Treat and talk to your pregnant friends/family like they’re still a person. You go through enough changes when you’re pregnant, it makes it that much worse when people you’ve known your entire life reduce you to an identity of MAMA 🤮

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Parking_Breadfruit80 posting in AITAH
Concluded as per OOP
3 updates - Long
Replaced L with Larry and J with Janet
Original - 20th April 2024
Update1 - 20th April 2024
Update2 - 21st April 2024
Update3 - 27th April 2024
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1 New Update
Update4 - 4th May 2024
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Aita for refusing to have my dad in my life after he chose his new family?
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When I was 13 my dad had an affair and left my mom and moved in with his affair partner who ill call Janet .
At first me and my sister would visit every weekend and I will admit he was a good dad although I never liked Janet .
When Janet got pregnant and had their son our visits became less frequent and my dad was more concerned with his new family. He would miss some of my my recitals or my sisters competitions because he was busy with his son.
When I was 16. Janet decided she wanted to move for a new job opportunity. Me and my sister begged him not to leave us bit he just said "I need to prioritise my family". He moved 10 hours away. That pretty much ended our relationship and I decided to go no contact as it was clear he did not consider me family.
My younger sister stayed in contact with him. He would try and call me and offer for me to come and visit with my sister but I refused. When he came back to see my sister I would refuse to speak to him when he turned up at the house. I didn't invite him to my high school or college graduation.
I'm now 33 and have remained no contact with him, he has over the years repeatedly tried contacting me and getting his family to contact me on his behalf to reconcile. I have avoided family events in case he attended including my sisters wedding and baby showers.
My dad and his family moved back to our home town 3 months ago and he has been relentless trying to reconcile.
I have received messages from my half brother and sister wanting a relationship saying he's a great dad. My dad found out I'm getting married and keeps trying to contact me and has even tried to speak to my fiancé.
Janet messaged me saying I have broke my dads heart repeatedly an I'm a pathetic and should get therapy. I replied back that she was nothing but a home wrecking whore and then blocked her.
Everyone seems to be wanting me to let him back in my life. I'm sick of all the harassment and accidentally bumping into my dad and his family in the town. Whenever I see him I just walk away and refuse to speak to them. Everyone is saying he's a good dad and tried his best to remain in contact but I pushed him away.
Everyone is pressuring me my mom, sister. Grandparents aunts and uncles, even some of my friends. My fiancé has even started saying I'm the AH for shutting him out. Its all starting to get to me so am I aita?
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Comments
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Zestyclose-Sky-1921
NTA but this is going to be brutal if your fiancé doesn't get on board with your pirate ship. Depending on the size of your hometown and how serious he is about pushing this, you may need to consider moving, especially if everyone around you is involved.
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Dry_Sandwich_860
You're allowed to have whatever kind of relationship you want with your father.
Did your fiancé have to deal with being abandoned by your dad? Nope. Your sister was younger than you and may not have felt the loss like you did. You have the right to feel angry and hurt.
Block Janet . This is the woman who pressured your father to leave your town. She had an affair with him that broke up your family. Your father did those things too. Neither one of them has any right to tell you how to react or feel.
Deadbeat parents love to get back in their kids' lives when the kids are adults and no longer need to be parented and things are easy. You should feel totally free to do what is right for you.
Tell everyone else that you no longer want to hear about this. They don't get to dictate how you feel. Whenever anyone brings it up, leave the room or put down the phone. Do not tolerate it and people will learn to shut it.
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Update - 8 hours later
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Thankyou for all of the comments although most seem to be NTA some were YTA. Some of you gave helpful suggestions which I am planning to take on board.
I have just spoken to my fiancé and unfortunately it has not gone well but at this point in time I've had enough and want to runaway and never come back.
My fiancé knows my history with my dad and Janet . I explained to him that him siding with my father and pressuring me was hurting me and as my fiancé he should be supporting me.
My fiancé who I'll call Larry told me he can't support me in doing something that he knows is wrong. Larry told me that he had spoke to my father and had an understanding of both sides of the story and believes that if we both sit down and talk we can sort this out and reconcile.
I told Larry I don't want this and want no contact and asked why he is even speaking to my father. Larry admitted his father who is friends with my dad encouraged Larry to speak to him and hear him out.
Larry told me my dad loved me very much and always wanted to be in my life and has pictures of me (I'm guessing he got these from my family as my social media is set to private). Larry said my dad is heartbroken at the state of our relationship because I was being unreasonable about him moving away when I was young. Larry stated I got on the wrong foot with Janet and that I was not innocent in the breakdown of the relationship. He told me that everyone can see the truth but me and to look in the mirror because I'm the problem.
Needless to say I broke down crying and asked him why he was doing this to me and not supporting me. Larry claims to love me but won't stand by and watch me be "a heartless bitch".
After he said this I stood up told him that he shouldn't marry a heartless bitch and walked out. I'm currently sat in my car. My phone is blowing up with Larry trying to contact me but I dont want to speak to him. I feel like I'm losing everything and everyone i dont understand what is happening.
​
Comments
​
Ladymistery
It's going to be awful for a while don't let them wear you down - because if you do, it'll just get worse. and at least you found out before you married Larry that he is like this. I wish you the best going forward.
​
Update - 18 hours later
​
Hi everyone thanks for the comments and letting me sound off on you as I desperately need an outside perspective.
I know a lot of you telling me to cut all contact with my family and leave town. That is not an option for me financially and I would not be able to set up business elsewhere all my money is invested in it and I have only managed to get established recently with steady income relocating is not an option for me. I love my friends and family and don't want to cut everyone off, I love my hometown I grew up here this is my life and I'm not willing to walk away from it.
I didn't expect to write another update this fast but a lot has happened today.
So firstly I agreed to meet my dad to talk and try and get him to back off and leave me alone. I asked my mom to arrange it, just him no one else. I wasn't sure if he would agree to that but within 15 minutes of her calling he was at the door.
I asked my mom to stay and mediate. To summarize the conversation. These are a bit messed up because it's a lot to remember.
Me:
* I asked him to give me space and stop trying to get everyone on his side and let me live my life.
*I told him he stopped being my father when he moved 10 hrs away
*I told him Janet was mean to me and told him about all the horrible things she has said to me over the years.
*I hate how he chose Janet and his new family over me and how he told me he had to prioritise them and how he basically told me I wasn't family
* He was an AH for withholding my college fund and trying to blackmail me and then spending it on his new family
* I hate how I have missed major family events because he attended the events and would make them awkward.
* I don't see his son and daughter as my family and I'm sick of them trying to speak to me and approach me
* he keeps making scenes everytime he sees me and making me look the bad guy
* he keeps inserting himself into my life going to my fiancés family events, going behind my back to talk and sway Larry to his side
* I hate how he cheated on my mom and broke our family up and then listened to Janet who stopped our dates, missed my recitals, reduced contact and was more concerned about his son.
Him
* He loves me and always has he is never going to give up trying to reconnect and he has given me enough space over the years and he is done hearing about my life from 2nd hand knowledge and is not willing to miss any more if it.
* he loves Janet and and can't regret his past because he wouldn't have her or his 2 kids. He wishes he had done it differently and ended his marriage with my mom first.
*his kids are innocent and I shouldn't be taking it out on them they just want to know their big sister
* I was difficult child who was rude and disrespectful to Janet breaking her belongings, calling her names, ruining day outs.
* when Janet got pregnant she was high risk and me coming every week and starting arguments was stressing her out so for her and his sons sake he stopped the weekend visitation. He still spoke to us on the phone and took us out for dinner and days out but just didn't let us sleep over.
* when his son was born he was premature and had health complications which meant him staying in hospital for weeks and frequent hospital admissions. Janet was also going through PPD so he wasn't able to see us as much and had to miss some events when he was taking care of Janet and his son.
* Janet was unable to get a job locally and the opportunity was too good to pass up so they had to move. He pointed out that he came back to town for weekends as much as he could to see us and would always invite us to fly out and spend vacations with him. He phoned everyday but I refused to speak or see him.
* They had flown in for my graduation but I refused to invite him and he lost his temper and refused to give me my college fund. He apologised for this and tried to fix this a few weeks later and give me the money but I refused it. He has not spent the money he still has it and I have only to ask and I can have it. * he had visited me at my college to try and talk to me but I refused to see him.
* He is not going to miss family events
* he makes a scene because he misses me and just wants to talk to me and reconcile but I always end up running way or shouting insults at him and Janet .
* He has been trying for 16years to reconnect but I shut him down at every turn he just wants to be my dad.
* He is old friends with my fiancé dad and he hoped my fiancé could talk some sense into me and open a line of communication.
* he feels I never gave Janet a chance no matter how she tried in the beginning and hoped we could be civil. Janet hates knowing I talk bad about her, am mean to her children and won't speak to him.
​
He wants:
My dad is in therapy and wants me to join him for family sessions. He wants me to spend time with him 1-1 To stop being rude and mean to his children and spend time with them. Stop trash talking Janet to everyone and actually give her a chance Invite for him and my family to my wedding and to walk me down the aisle.
​
I want:
Him to stop talking to my friends and getting others to try and talk to me on his behalf Keep Janet away from me completely To be be civil at events or in town providing he does not try and hug me or talk to me.
My mom told him he was being unrealistic with some of the things he wants especially regarding Janet and his other children so we have agreed for now.
I will attend 3 therapy sessions with him when he arranges it. ( my mom thinks I need individual therapy as well) He will stop trying to interfere in my life and relationships He will keep Janet away from me and talk to his kids to give me space. I will be civil to him in public as long as he respects my personal space and does not approach or pressure me.
As for my fiancé - I still haven't spoken to him, he turned up at my moms but she refused to let him in. He keeps blowing up my phone and so does his family and friends telling me to hear him out.
During my conversation with my dad I found out my dad has paid for most of the vendors and services for my upcoming wedding and they have been on speaking terms for quite some time ( longer than I thought). Larry told me his family had paid for these and i believed him. I feel betrayed by him and that I can't trust him. I'm going to have to speak to him eventually but I don't feel ready.
​
Comments
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stoat___king

"I feel betrayed by him and that I can't trust him"

I would argue that you HAVE been betrayed by him. If he is going to side against you over something that is only his business through you, then who else would he favour over you? Janet ? Mutual friends? Randos he meets at the bus-stop? I suppose your dad paying for stuff for your coming wedding is neither here nor there since I have very serious doubts it will happen. I am concerned that your dad isnt seeing your side of this at all. I dont see how you could possibly have been more clear. I wonder if he is even capable of seeing your side.
​
Update - 6 days later
​
Firstly I'd like to apologise for taking down my posts. I was really upset and felt under lot of pressure and needed space to think without constant messages. Some of you were trying to be helpful and I appreciate that but some of the abusive messages I received was terrible.
I'm updating for those who have asked for an update and were supportive to me. This will be my last post and I wont be posting again.
Firstly the deal with my dad is off the table. He couldn't even manage a week without overstepping my boundaries. So there will be no therapy sessions with him and I will remain no contact.
As you are all aware after speaking to my dad and agreeing a way forward and my conditions.
Keep Janet away from me Tell his kids to back off Don't pressure me or invade my space
It lasted all of 3 days. Everyone seemed happy I had "forgiven" my dad and told me so. My sister was excited I was willing to give him a chance and with some pressure I agreed to have dinner with just her and my dad.
When my sister and I arrived at the restaurant to meet our dad he was not alone. He had invited Janet , my grandparents his son and daughter. He got up and tried to hug me.
I immediately became upset asking why they were there. My dad told me that if we have any hope of repairing our relationship I had to accept Janet and my younger siblings. I told him he just broke our deal and to never contact me again and tried to leave. He refused to let me leave and grabbed hold of me.
When I say all hell broke loose I mean it. I started shouting at them. My Dad, Janet and grandparents tried to gaslight me and convince me to sit down when that didn't work things got very heated and a shouting match started and a lot of unforgivable things were said by my dad and Janet including remarks about my appearance and calling me a psychopath. My half brother walked out of the restaurant and my half sister started to cry.
My sister actually surprised me and defended me, shouting at my dad for ruining things after all this time when I had finally given him a chance. She even slapped Janet . She got me out of there and apologised to me. I think this was the first time she had really seen how Janet was with me and how she treat me. She kept saying she couldn't understand how dad had spent years saying he would do anything to have me back and then would do this when he finally got his chance to rebuild the relationship.
My dad has been trying to contact me but I have blocked him and refused to talk to him. I have also refused to speak to my grandparents. My dad has tried to convince my mom and sister to speak to me but I think he's burned his bridges with them.
The incident from the restaurant has spread and some people seem to be backing off. Like I said what my dad and Janet shouted at me was unforgiveable and they were overheard and this is a small town. Hopefully people will back off and those who won't Im going to have to cut them out.
My sister is very unhappy with my dad and Janet and not speaking to them. She is blaming them for me going no contact again. My sister is not letting them see her kids. I don't know if my sister will reconcile but right now she is furious. My mom is also furious and apparently had a few choice word with my dad and Janet and has promised she will never pressure me again to speak to him.
I am going to go to individual therapy I think I definitely need it. I do feel bad about my half siblings as they havnt done anything wrong and am maybe open to having a distanced kind of relationship with them in the future but I'm not ready yet or if I'll ever be. I did send them a message on Facebook to apologise and tell them they've done nothing wrong.
Lastly to update you all - in regards to my fiancé well I spoke to him yesterday about everything I had been radio silent since walking out on him.
Basically he was pressured by his father to speak to my dad and was fed a sob story of a misunderstood father desperately wanting to be in his daughters life. Larry had become annoyed with me refusing to attend his family events and walking out of his mother's birthday party when I realised my dad and Janet was there as he was getting pressure from his family about me ruining their events.
He just wanted everyone to be happy and get along clearly at my expense.
Larry admitted my dad had paid for some of the vendors for the wedding but he did not know this until after it was already paid. His father had told Larry that him and his mom had paid. My dad had told Larry it was a gift and his way of contributing. Larry admitted my dad had asked him to speak to me on his behalf.
I told Larry he had betrayed my trust and I couldn't see myself marrying someone who does not support me. He broke down crying and apologising to me and promising to never do it again. Larry was heartbroken and begged for a 2nd chance.
To those of you who wanted me to break up with him, I'm sorry to disappoint you but we are going to try and work through this. Apart from this issue he had been the best partner and I genuinely think that he had been manipulated by his family and my dad. Larry has promised to stand up to his family and go no contact with my dad.
I'm still living at my moms as I still need some space which I wont have if I move home. We are going to contact our wedding vendors and see what our options are next week. Larry is begging for a postponement rather than cancel it altogether. We may still break up as actions speak louder than words and I need to see if he can rebuild what we had and show me I can trust and depend on him.
​
Comments
​
Dachshundmom5

My dad has been trying to contact me but I have blocked him

Have you considered changing your number?

Larry has promised to stand up to his family and go no contact with my dad.

I'm not sure I understand how you are so strong with your Dad and Janet and not with Larry? His family will not stop. That's clear. So, your kids can never be left alone with them because that's when your Dad will have playdates with them. There will always be the risk of ambush. Is Larry willing to give up his family? Cause what they did is really disturbingly manipulative and deceitful.

OOP: There's no point changing my number when I've done this before he always manages to get it again.

As for Larry - breaking up is not off the table. I'm giving him a chance to show me he means what he says. I always thought I had a decent relationship with Larry'ss family, but clearly not. I'm not asking him to go NC with them thats for him to decide. I'm certainly going to distance myself from them and any further incidents no contact.
As for any future children if we are still together I won't be trusting them with my children at all
​
**New Update*\*
​
Update 4 - aita for not letting my dad in my life after he chose his new family - 7 days later
​
Hi everyone I did not plan to make another update at all but I'm still getting messages for an update and thought I would let you know the recent developments.
Firstly I have cancelled the wedding I was able to get some partial refunds but have lost some money. Larry begged me not to cancel the wedding but there was no way I could marry him after what he did.
I was set on giving him a 2nd chance and he promised me he would go low contact and stand up to his parents and issue an ultimatum that we would not tolerate any contact with my dad and Janet . Basically he would tell them we would not attend any event or party if they were invited and we would not tolerate any attempt to force contact or relationship with my dad.
He met with them to explain this to them. When he came back from this meeting he was quite irritable with me and appeared to have had a change of heart to summarize it - he was trying to convince me his family only meant well and that he can't go low contact with his family because he loves them and he can't dictate their friendships. He then tried to convince me it won't be an issue in the future and his father would speak to my dad and tell him to be on his best behaviour in my presence.
As soon as I heard this people's comments went through my head and the main one being if we had children he would take them to his family where my dad and Janet would be and I would have no control over this. At that moment I realised I couldn't trust Larry and never would be able to.
I broke up with him, he is not taking it well and keeps begging me to take him back and that he would go no contact with his family. His family and friends are trying to convince me on his behalf not to end our relationship. He has made his choice and proven to me he is spineless. I don't need him in my life.
In regards to my dad I'm looking into getting a restraining order given what happened in the restaurant I might be able to but i don't know yet a friend of mine is helping me look into this.
My dad has kept a low profile since last week apart from a couple of attempts to apologize to me I haven't heard much from him. My sister still won't speak to him or Janet . Unlike me my sister is highly confrontational and has blasted him and Janet on social media with what happened at the restaurant and things that have happened in the past which I didn't know about.
My sister and Janet had a very public screaming match when she had seen them in town due to my sisters posts and demanding to take them down it ended up with Janet assaulting my sister. My dad apparently sided with Janet in this. My sister now hates Janet and refuses to speak to our dad who is also trying to contact her.
My dad and Janet s reputation seems to have taken a hit and between the incident in the restaurant and my sisters fight with Janet and het numerous Facebook posts about them, People are gossiping. This has worked well for me because some people have backed off which Im happy about unfortunately there are a few people still on his side including my ex's parents.
As for my half siblings there's not much of an update in regards to them.
I've found a therapist however there is a bit of a waiting list before I can start my therapy. I'm still living with my mom who is completely on my side and I have found a kitten and pick her up next week.
​
Comments
​
Lost-and-dumbfound
Your ex and his family and your dad and his wife suck ass. Sorry this has all happened to you and I realise as much as Reddit is all aboard the “dump him” train and I do believe it was the best decision, you’re probably still heartbroken and it will take time to heal. Take your time, engage with the block button whenever someone send you an out of pocket message about the situation.
The people who you have removed from your life have no one to blame but themselves
PeakPretty7550
I love the fact the ex claims he can't control his family's relationships, but he's not above trying to control hers..
​
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First time Reddit poster here looking for some help making any kind of sense out of what’s been going on at my apartment complex lately. A friend recommend I bring it here so…. can’t hurt I guess? Or I hope.
Before I get into it, TW for suicide and gun violence.
For context: I just moved into this apartment My last living situation was really bad for my mental health and I needed a fresh start. At first when I got the place with a few roommates, we thought we’d struck gold. Only a month in, I noticed a huge change in my mental and physical health just from being in a space that felt comfortable and clean and had natural light.In a way I still want to believe it is as perfect as it originally felt, but I guess that’s what this will help me figure out.
One of the reasons it was (is?) so nice is that it’s WAY bougier than I ever expected I would be able to afford. My roommates and I worked really hard to get approved for a government sanctioned affordable housing unit. So in a way, I always feel like I’m crashing a party of “how the other half lives”.
The place is mostly inhabited by tech bros and young finance professionals. It’s the type of place where I assume people are doing coke all the time at their super high profile parties. Which, like, I don’t judge. You do you. But I do feel wildly out of place, financially, socially… in lots of ways.
Now that some of that exposition is out of the way, let me just explain when things started to get weird.
Well, weird isn’t the right word for the first incident, at least. “Tragic” would be a better fit. And if it had happened and then none of the rest of the weird things that followed happened, then that’s all it would be: tragic. But since there’s so much going on now that I feel could be connected, well…
At the end of my first month living in this new place, one of the residents committed suicide by jumping off of the roof of the building. I wont get into all the details, but it was very sad.
What I will go into are all of the strange (possible) domino effect it seemed to trigger.
Not two weeks after the suicide someone (in what we were informed was a deliberate act of vandalism) took a baseball bat or other blunt object to the fire sprinklers on one of the uppermost floors of the building. This set the sprinklers off and I guess the damage from the blunt object made them a lot harder to shut down. This caused the elevators to flood (all of them required full replacements) AND multiple tenants had to evacuate their homes, live in hotels for weeks while the most effected floors were demolished and rebuilt, and probably lost most of their belongings to water damage. While this SUCKED, the worst was yet to come.
The next week my roommate was walking home, crossing the highway overpass that’s right across the street and on the way to the building. On one of the poles/columns that supports the overpass, she saw that someone had written something. The message read as follows:
“Your life at [insert Apartment name] is plagued with envy, deceit, guilt, homosexuality. Jump now.”
She took a picture of this, then continued to walk only to find another message written on the next column in the same writing:
“[insert Apartment name] resident: show her your true love by jumping off this overpass.”
We found these extremely creepy and threatening. And, given the suicide in the building not long ago, they felt like they came from someone who really knew the goings-on in the community. After all, we had checked and there was no news coverage about it or anything like that.
We reported them to management of the building. They said, since it’s on the block next to their property but not on it, there was nothing that could be done about it.
However, none of these compare to what happened this morning. I woke up to an email from management telling people they could still use one of the elevators in the building, they just had to be careful not to touch the blood that was “everywhere” in it. The email said it needed to be kept preserved because police needed to investigate it for evidence in an incident that occurred on the rooftop common space during an unauthorized party in the early hours of the morning. Despite it being an active crime scene, they didn’t sanction off the elevator, just advised people to “step around” the blood.
My other roommate, unfortunately, used the elevator before he saw the email and could confirm (and show me pictures) that there was blood on the floor and against two of the walls, sort of dried in dripping pattern.
Eventually, news stations came around and I finally put together that the “incident” at the party was a shooting. Other residents had heard around 10 gunshots.
Some other details I found out from joining a residents Facebook page like an hour ago include that the maintenance men who work at the building were seen beginning to clean up the scene immediately. Also, some residents have reported seeing a strange and confrontational man watching one of the entrances to the building for days now as if he were posted there. Apparently he got threatening the moment someone asked who he was or what he was doing.
So, my questions for you, Reddit, are as follows:

1. Could these things be connected? Or do I just watch too much true crime
2. How can I demand that the building do more work to keep its residents safe
3. Are the current tenants being wronged legally in some way in this situation?
4. What should we do?

I would be devastated to find out that I can’t trust this living situation. I really need this to work out. Help!!!!!

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• What will increase my chances of getting hired: If there's a civil service exam, study for it! There are many guides online that will help you go over all those things you forgot such as basic math and reading. Some cities even give you a study guide. If it's a firefighter exam, study for it! For the CPAT (Physical Fitness Test), cardio is arguably the most important factor. If you're going to the gym for the first time during the hiring process, you're fighting an uphill battle. Get in shape and stay in shape. Most cities offer preference points to military veterans.
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1. Dress appropriately. Business casual at a minimum (Button down, tucked in long sleeve shirt with slacks and a belt, and dress shoes). Get a decent haircut and shave.
2. Practice interview questions with a friend. You can't accurately predict the off-the-wall questions they will ask, but you can practice the ones you know they probably will, like why do you want to be a Firefighter, or why should we hire you?
3. Scrub your social media. Gone are the days when people in charge weren't tech-savvy. Don't have a perfect interview only for your chances of being hired gone to zero because your Facebook or Instagram has pictures of you getting blitzed. Set that stuff to private and leave it that way.

Please upvote this post if you have a question. Upvoting this post will ensure it sticks around for a bit after it is removed as a Sticky, and will allow for greater visibility of your question.
And lastly, If you're not 100% sure of what you're talking about, leave it for someone who does

It’s Christmas Eve and, since my whole family is scattered across the globe, we have a FaceTime call set up for 1:00pm. It was set up a week prior by my older sister(51[Jennifer]) and at around 10:00am that morning I(49F) realized my son, who is is Zurich, can’t use FaceTime. My bad for remembering so late, but 3-4 hours is plenty of time to change apps…or so I thought. I sent the group {me, Jennifer, my mom ([Ellen]67), and my younger sister ([Sara]46} a text at 10:36am.
Me: Hey. Can we use WhatsApp so [Michael](son22) can participate? He can’t use FaceTime
It hadn’t crossed my mind that he couldn’t use FaceTime because we had been communicating on WhatsApp for months at this point. This was the immediate response:
Ellen: I don’t have it
Jennifer: I have never used it. Don’t know how to coordinate. Not sure if [Dan](her son19) will even have time to do that…had I known yesterday. maybe. If you wanna coordinate another one for tmrw perhaps
I answered with solutions or facts to quell their concern…
Me: It’s super simple. But we can use Facebook messenger too. Most people use WhatsApp for international communication
Jennifer: [Dan] isn’t on FB…sorry but this needed to be coordinated well before now. [Dan] is literally sleeping…(more about Dan)
7 minutes later I get…
Jennifer: Maybe you could WhatsApp [Michael] while you’re on FaceTime? That way he could sort of be there?
At this point I’m starting to get upset. I think I was typing something and had to delete it to send this:
Me: Y’all know it takes like 10 seconds to download an app and if we’re all in each other’s contacts, it’s just like using any other messaging app, right? I don’t understand how using a different app is gonna derail the whole thing. So we start ten minutes later. Everyone can be on the call
Me: [Michael] still has an I phone but a Swiss number
Me: I mean y’all could try it now and when [Dan] gets up, you ask him to use it? It’ll be way easier for him than any of us
All back to back. Then…
Jennifer: Why can’t [Michael] use FaceTime with a Swiss number? [Dan] doesn’t even have phone service and it works.
Me: (slightly offended) Idk. He just said he can’t. I didn’t ask why. Does it matter??
Jennifer: It doesn’t make sense
Me: (very offended) So you don’t believe him?
Jennifer: I never said that
You can imagine how it went downhill from here. I’ll end with this cuz Ellen and Sara got involved after this which really got me going cuz our mother had stayed out of our business our ENTIRE lives, so this really felt like taking sides and being shunned. (Something they said didn’t happen, never acknowledging how it affected me)
My response: Ok. Right now it sounds to me like inconveniencing one child is more important than including all of them. And if that’s the case, we’ll all sit out. It’s an app. We all use them all the time. We all know how. Millions of people use WhatsApp everyday just like we use iMessage. It’s literally the same thing that ALL of us can use. It will take less than 10 minutes to coordinate and because I didn’t bring it up yesterday we can’t do it?? THAT makes no sense.
Jennifer: Very sorry you feel that way [me]. We are going to keep the call as is, I will call everyone then. If we don’t see you, hope you have a Merry Christmas.
👀 What?!?!? I was stunned, and we sat out of the call. That was Christmas Eve. I was home alone on Christmas Day, my kids were in a different state and different continent, I am single and have no family where I live. My mother wished me Merry Christmas on Facebook at like 9pm and my brother in law was THE ONLY person to reach out to me on Christmas Day. Not one of my immediate family members reached out, knowing I was alone and likely hurt (I mean, I told them I was and that I felt rejected…I don’t think they believed me) My mother actually said at one point, after I had clearly stated I was upset because they were choosing to leave out m child, “I think you’re just upset bc they wouldn’t change plans for you” 😳 I thought, “You are sooooo close 🙄” But as she would say, close only counts in horseshoes and (guess I shouldn’t insert here) 😜
Jennifer reached out about a month later and gave me a genuine, yet incomplete apology. I accepted it but never said it’s water under the bridge. No one else has reached out about it in 2+ years. I don’t feel like I should chase an apology, so I didn’t reach out to them afterwards. I acknowledge there are times when people don’t know they did something to hurt you, in which case you would have to be the one to reach out. I don’t feel like this is one of those times. There is no way they don’t know that the whole experience was hurtful. And if they really don’t, how would they take me telling them and demanding an apology?
Am I the asshole for sitting out and going low contact after that? Oh! PS Found out after that [Dan] wasn’t even ready for the call. Didn’t have his phone, so he had to use someone else’s…I feel pretty justified in my response but I miss my family so if they can’t reach out and apologize, I’m gonna have to find a way to reconcile it. Just not sure I can without their accountability

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Parking_Breadfruit80
Originally posted to AITAH
Aita for refusing to have my dad in my life after he chose his new family?
Editor’s Note: changed letters to names for readability
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: verbal abuse, emotional abuse and manipulation, infidelity, gaslighting, betrayal
Original Post (rareddit): April 20, 2024
When I was 13 my dad had an affair and left my mom and moved in with his affair partner who ill call Jane.
At first me and my sister would visit every weekend and I will admit he was a good dad although I never liked Jane.
When Jane got pregnant and had their son our visits became less frequent and my dad was more concerned with his new family. He would miss some of my my recitals or my sisters competitions because he was busy with his son.
When I was 16. Jane decided she wanted to move for a new job opportunity. Me and my sister begged him not to leave us bit he just said "I need to prioritise my family". He moved 10 hours away. That pretty much ended our relationship and I decided to go no contact as it was clear he did not consider me family.
My younger sister stayed in contact with him. He would try and call me and offer for me to come and visit with my sister but I refused. When he came back to see my sister I would refuse to speak to him when he turned up at the house. I didn't invite him to my high school or college graduation.
I'm now 33 and have remained no contact with him, he has over the years repeatedly tried contacting me and getting his family to contact me on his behalf to reconcile. I have avoided family events in case he attended including my sisters wedding and baby showers.
My dad and his family moved back to our home town 3 months ago and he has been relentless trying to reconcile.
I have received messages from my half brother and sister wanting a relationship saying he's a great dad. My dad found out I'm getting married and keeps trying to contact me and has even tried to speak to my fiance.
Jane messaged me saying I have broke my dads heart repeatedly and I'm pathetic and should get therapy. I replied back that she was nothing but a home wrecking whore and then blocked her.
Everyone seems to be wanting me to let him back in my life. I'm sick of all the harassment and accidentally bumping into my dad and his family in the town. Whenever I see him I just walk away and refuse to speak to them. Everyone is saying he's a good dad and tried his best to remain in contact but I pushed him away.
Everyone is pressuring me my mom, sister. Grandparents aunts and uncles, even some of my friends. My fiance has even started saying I'm the AH for shutting him out. Its all starting to get to me so am I aita?
Edit:
Thank you for your comments I haven't got through all of them but I'm glad to know that most of you think I'm NTA which is a huge relief as I thought I was going insane.
I'm going to have a serious conversation with my fiance as most of you pointed out he should have my back. If he continues to defend my dad then I'm going to have to think if this relationship should go any further. We are 12 weeks out from the wedding but need to sort this out sooner than later.
For information
I own a local business moving away is not an option
I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone and he is friends with a lot of people including my fiance family.
My dad did not come back for me - he came back because Jane’s parents need help and care.
He has not financially supported me since I was 17 he witheld my college fund to try and blackmail me into having a relationship with him so I had to work and get loans.
I've avoided events because my family use it as a chance to force reconciliation. He also won't leave me alone and makes scenes - hell come up to me talking as if nothing has happened try to hug me or starts crying.
I cant simply cut everyone off - everyone is on his side and against me including my own mother.
Edit 2
To give you all a bit more context when he left my mom for Jane he only wanted us on the weekend my mom offered him 50/50 but refused.
I didn't like Jane and was standoffish with her because I knew what they had done- my sister was too young to understand and was more accepting of her. Jane was mean to me but nice to my sister when I was at my dad's I felt uncomfortable and she would purposefully leave me out of fun activities or plan things purely for my sister. We had a few arguments over minor things but my dad always took her side. My dad and me used to have daddy daughter date at least once every 2 weeks. Jane put a stop to that.
When she had my half brother we went from going every weekend to once every 6 weeks. My dad was MIA and had finally gotten his precious son. He stopped trying with me.
When they moved I was so upset he chose to leave us. He didn't want custody just for us to visit him every now and again and speak to him on the phone. Parenting at a distance so all of his focus was on his new family
When I graduated from high school and refused to invite him everything blew up Jane called me some terrible names and so did my dad and he refused to give me my college fund unless i started being part of the family again. From what I gathered, he spent it on his new family.
I'm sick of being the one to miss out on events with my family. I would be willing to be in the same room but not interact or even be civil but he pushes things and makes it impossible
Edit 3
Have spoken to my fiance. Update will be posted shortly
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Zestyclose-Sky-1921: NTA but this is going to be brutal if your fiancé doesn't get on board with your pirate ship. Depending on the size of your hometown and how serious he is about pushing this, you may need to consider moving, especially if everyone around you is involved.

OOP: I love my fiance, but he's a family orientated type of guy he's close with his family so doesn't understand my situation. It's not helping that everyone around us is advocating for my dad and making me out to be unreasonable.

Corodix: NTA, I'd send them all a clear message that you do not consider him family after he quite clearly told you, when you were 16, that you are not family (are they currently aware of this?). And also make it clear that you will start cutting them out of your life if they do not stop harassing you about this. Perhaps just throw them all in a group chat for this so you can send it once to everybody?
Your fiance siding with them instead of respecting your pretty clear boundary is worrying and would make me reconsider the marriage if he doesn't cut it out fast as that's a massive red flag that doesn't bode well for your future with him.

OOP: I cant cut every single person from my life and thats the reality I'm facing here. Everyone seems to think I'm the AH and I should just reconnect. This is really getting to me.

OOP on staying away from the father and his family and blocking Jane

OOP: I've tried my best to stay away from him and his family but with it being a small town its impossible to avoid them. Some of the times I've bumped into him seemed a bit too coincidental and feel like it was a set up.
I have blocked Jane can't stand the woman she was always mean to me even when I was a child because I was standoffish. My sister is 5 years younger and was more accepting of her so my sister and Jane have a good relationship.

 
Update #1 (rareddit): April 20, 2024 (10 hours later)
Thank you for all of the comments although most seem to be NTA some were YTA. Some of you gave helpful suggestions which I am planning to take on board.
I have just spoken to my fiance and unfortunately it has not gone well but at this point in time I've had enough and want to runaway and never come back.
My fiance knows my history with my dad and Jane. I explained to him that him siding with my father and pressuring me was hurting me and as my fiance he should be supporting me.
My fiance who I'll call Logan told me he can't support me in doing something that he knows is wrong. Logan told me that he had spoke to my father and had an understanding of both sides of the story and believes that if we both sit down and talk we can sort this out and reconcile.
I told Logan I don't want this and want no contact and asked why he is even speaking to my father. Logan admitted his father who is friends with my dad encouraged Logan to speak to him and hear him out.
Logan told me my dad loved me very much and always wanted to be in my life and has pictures of me (I'm guessing he got these from my family as my social media is set to private). Logan said my dad is heartbroken at the state of our relationship because I was being unreasonable about him moving away when I was young. Logan stated I got on the wrong foot with Jane and that I was not innocent in the breakdown of the relationship.He told me that everyone can see the truth but me and to look in the mirror because I'm the problem.
Needless to say I broke down crying and asked him why he was doing this to me and not supporting me. Logan claims to love me but won't stand by and watch me be "a heartless bitch".
After he said this I stood up told him that he shouldn't marry a heartless bitch and walked out. I'm currently sat in my car. My phone is blowing up with Logan trying to contact me but I dont want to speak to him. I feel like I'm losing everything and everyone i dont understand what is happening.
Relevant Comments
HealthfulDrago: Did your fiance have specific arguments? Anything that would shed more light into his line of thinking? It just feels so odd to me that he would just side so heavily with your father.

OOP: Basically I was standoffish and mean to Jane on meeting her which put us on the wrong foot. When she has been mean to me I've retaliated and said mean things back to her.
That my dad has tried consistently over the years to reconnect with me but I have ignored all attempts.
I've upset family members by refusing to attend birthdays, wedding baby showers etc because he was attending.
I walked out of his parents party 3 weeks ago because my dad was there.
I won't speak and will ignore my half brother 18 and half sister 14 if I see them.

 
Update #2 (rareddit): April 21, 2024
Hi everyone thanks for the comments and letting me sound off on you as I desperately need an outside perspective.
I know a lot of you are telling me to cut all contact with my family and leave town. That is not an option for me financially and I would not be able to set up business elsewhere all my money is invested in it and I have only managed to get established recently with steady income, relocating is not an option for me. I love my friends and family and don't want to cut everyone off, I love my hometown I grew up here this is my life and I'm not willing to walk away from it.
I didn't expect to write another update this fast but a lot has happened today.
So firstly I agreed to meet my dad to talk and try and get him to back off and leave me alone. I asked my mom to arrange it, just him no one else. I wasn't sure if he would agree to that but within 15 minutes of her calling he was at the door.
I asked my mom to stay and mediate. To summarize the conversation. These are a bit messed up because it's a lot to remember.
Me: * I asked him to give me space and stop trying to get everyone on his side and let me live my life.

• I told him he stopped being my father when he moved 10 hrs away
  
• I told him Jane was mean to me and told him about all the horrible things she has said to me over the years.
  
• I hate how he chose Jane and his new family over me and how he told me he had to prioritise them and how he basically told me I wasn't family
  
• He was an AH for withholding my college fund and trying to blackmail me and then spending it on his new family
  
• I hate how I have missed major family events because he attended the events and would make them awkward.
  
• I don't see his son and daughter as my family and I'm sick of them trying to speak to me and approach me
  
• he keeps making scenes every time he sees me and making me look the bad guy
  
• he keeps inserting himself into my life going to my fiances family events, going behind my back to talk and sway Logan to his side
  
• I hate how he cheated on my mom and broke our family up and then listened to Jane who stopped our dates, missed my recitals, reduced contact and was more concerned about his son.
  

Him

• He loves me and always has he is never going to give up trying to reconnect and he has given me enough space over the years and he is done hearing about my life from 2nd hand knowledge and is not willing to miss any more if it.
  
• he loves Jane and and can't regret his past because he wouldn't have her or his 2 kids. He wishes he had done it differently and ended his marriage with my mom first.
  

*his kids are innocent and I shouldn't be taking it out on them they just want to know their big sister

• I was difficult child who was rude and disrespectful to Jane breaking her belongings, calling her names, ruining day trips.
  
• when Jane got pregnant she was high risk and me coming every week and starting arguments was stressing her out so for her and his sons sake he stopped the weekend visitation. He still spoke to us on the phone and took us out for dinner and days out but just didn't let us sleep over.
  
• when his son was born he was premature and had health complications which meant him staying in hospital for weeks and frequent hospital admissions. Jane was also going through PPD so he wasn't able to see us as much and had to miss some events when he was taking care of Jane and his son.
  
• Jane was unable to get a job locally and the opportunity was too good to pass up so they had to move. He pointed out that he came back to town for weekends as much as he could to see us and would always invite us to fly out and spend vacations with him. He phoned everyday but I refused to speak or see him.
  
• They had flown in for my graduation but I refused to invite him amd he lost his temper and refused to give me my college fund. He apologised for this and tried to fix this a few weeks later and give me the money but I refused it. He has not spent the money he still has it and I have only to ask and I can have it.
  
• he had visited me at my college to try and talk to me but I refused to see him.
  
• He is not going to miss family events
  
• he makes a scene because he misses me and just wants to talk to me and reconcile but I always end up running way or shouting insults at him and Jane.
  
• He has been trying for 16years to reconnect but I shut him down at every turn he just wants to be my dad.
  
• He is old friends with my fiance dad and he hoped my fiance could talk some sense into me and open a line of communication.
  
• he feels I never gave Jane a chance no matter how she tried in the beginning and hoped we could be civil. Jane hates knowing I talk bad about her, am mean to her children and won't speak to him.
  

He wants: My dad is in therapy and wants me to join him for family sessions. He wants me to spend time with him 1-1 To stop being rude and mean to his children and spend time with them. Stop trash talking Jane to everyone and actually give her a chance Invite for him and my family to my wedding and to walk me down the aisle.
I want: Him to stop talking to my friends and getting others to try and talk to me on his behalf Keep Jane away from me completely To be be civil at events or in town providing he does not try and hug me or talk to me.
My mom told him he was being unrealistic with some of the things he wants especially regarding Jane and his other children so we have agreed for now.
I will attend 3 therapy sessions with him when he arranges it. (my mom thinks I need individual therapy as well) He will stop trying to interfere in my life and relationships He will keep Jane away from me and talk to his kids to give me space. I will be civil to him in public as long as he respects my personal space and does not approach or pressure me.
As for my fiance - I still havent spoken to him, he turned up at my moms but she refused to let him in. He keeps blowing up my phone and so does his family and friends telling me to hear him out.
During my conversation with my dad I found out my dad has paid for most of the vendors and services for my upcoming wedding and they have been on speaking terms for quite some time ( longer than I thought). Logan told me his family had paid for these and i believed him. I feel betrayed by him and that I can't trust him. I'm going to have to speak to him eventually but I dont feel ready.
Relevant Comments
OOP on not liking her father’s wife

OOP: I'll admit I wasn't very nice to Jane when I met her because she broke up my family, but she was worse than me. She made comments on my weight, and my appearance would push my buttons to start a fight. She stopped my 1-1 time with my dad before she was even pregnant. My dad chose her over me everytime.
Yes he tried to stay in contact. Im not going to rewrite history but the damage was done when he moved 10 hrs away from me and told me he needed to prioritise his family.

Ok-Nose42: Thank you for update so quick and I’m happy your mom choose to help you get your side of the story out by helping you. I’m crying here reading this thinking it should been your fiance that helped you thru this but under his selfishness he dug himself deeper hole. I say cut your losses with him he never had your back he should have to his own dad she has her own life with her dad and I’m not sway her feeling. But he didn’t cut your loses in fact I tell my dad I want that money take it and then you get to leave the relationship and step yourself up before you remove yourself from the relationship. If you have to lie to do it. Fine you can admit it therapy anyways. Ask forgiveness later even though what you may do taken that money them thinking the money for marriage. Or worse get the cash deposit it walk down alter with dad and tell everyone at alter fuck you. This is taken my life party paid by my dad. But that my evil side lol but if you want move on maybe that not best approach. But I would take the money and use it and dump fiancé.

OOP: To be honest my mom seems to have changed her mind today in regards to my fiance when she found out about his involvement with my dad.
She told me to really consider if I want to stay with him and if I can trust him and says I can move home for a while.

OOP on if she can block her father and if she can have an order on him to stay away from her

OOP: I wouldn't be able to get a restraining order against him. What am I going to do tell the police my dad is talking to people in the town and my friends about me. He is showing up to parties and events he's invited to. He's trying to talk to me when he bumps into me in town?
He is not on my social media , he is blocked on my phone other than events and meeting in town that can be chalked up to coincidence I have nothing to report

 
Update #3 - April 27, 2024
Update 3 - aita for not letting my dad back in my life after he chose his new family
Firstly I'd like to apologise for taking down my posts. I was really upset and felt under lot of pressure and needed space to think without constant messages. Some of you were trying to be helpful and I apreciate that but some of the abusive messages I received was terrible.
I'm updating for those who have asked for an update and were supportive to me. This will be my last post and I wont be posting again.
Firstly the deal with my dad is off the table. He couldn't even manage a week without overstepping my boundaries. So there will be no therapy sessions with him and I will remain no contact.
As you are all aware after speaking to my dad and agreeing a way forward and my conditions.
Keep Jane away from me Tell his kids to back off Don't pressure me or invade my space
It lasted all of 3 days. Everyone seemed happy I had "forgiven" my dad and told me so. My sister was excited I was willing to give him a chance and with some pressure I agreed to have dinner with just her and my dad.
When my sister and I arrived at the restaurant to meet our dad he was not alone. He had invited Jane, my grandparents his son and daughter. He got up and tried to hug me.
I immediately became upset asking why they were there. My dad told me that if we have any hope of repairing our relationship I had to accept Jane and my younger siblings. I told him he just broke our deal and to never contact me again and tried to leave. He refused to let me leave and grabbed hold of me.
When I say all hell broke loose I mean it. I started shouting at them. My Dad, Jane and grandparents tried to gaslight me and convince me to sit down when that didn't work things got very heated and a shouting match started and a lot of unforgivable things were said by my dad and Jane including remarks about my appearance and calling me a psychopath. My half brother walked out of the restaurant and my half sister started to cry.
My sister actually surprised me and defended me, shouting at my dad for ruining things after all this time when I had finally given him a chance. She even slapped Jane. She got me out of there and apologised to me. I think this was the first time she had really seen how Jane was with me and how she treat me. She kept saying she couldn't understand how dad had spent years saying he would do anything to have me back and then would do this when he finally got his chance to rebuild the relationship.
My dad has been trying to contact me but I have blocked him and refused to talk to him. I have also refused to speak to my grandparents. My dad has tried to convince my mom and sister to speak to me but I think he's burned his bridges with them.
The incident from the restaurant has spread and some people seem to be backing off. Like I said what my dad and Jane shouted at me was unforgiveable and they were overheard and this is a small town. Hopefully people will back off and those who won't Im going to have to cut them out.
My sister is very unhappy with my dad and Jane and not speaking to them. She is blaming them for me going no contact again. My sister is not letting them see her kids. I don't know if my sister will reconcile but right now she is furious. My mom is also furious and apparently had a few choice word with my dad and Jane and has promised she will never pressure me again to speak to him.
I am going to go to individual therapy I think I definitely need it. I do feel bad about my half siblings as they havnt done anything wrong and am maybe open to having a distanced kind of relationship with them in the future but I'm not ready yet or if I'll ever be. I did send them a message on Facebook to apologise and tell them they've done nothing wrong.
Lastly to update you all - in regards to my fiance well I spoke to him yesterday about everything I had been radio silent since walking out on him.
Basically he was pressured by his father to speak to my dad and was fed a sob story of a misunderstood father desperately wanting to be in his daughters life. Logan had become annoyed with me refusing to attend his family events and walking out of his mother's birthday party when I realised my dad and Jane was there as he was getting pressure from his family about me ruining their events.
He just wanted everyone to be happy and get along clearly at my expense.
Logan admitted my dad had paid for some of the vendors for the wedding but he did not know this until after it was already paid. His father had told Logan that him and his mom had paid. My dad had told Logan it was a gift and his way of contributing. Logan admitted my dad had asked him to speak to me on his behalf.
I told Logan he had betrayed my trust and I couldn't see myself marrying someone who does not support me. He broke down crying and apologising to me and promising to never do it again.Logan was heartbroken and begged for a 2nd chance.
To those of you who wanted me to break up with him, I'm sorry to disappoint you but we are going to try and work through this. Apart from this issue he had been the best partner and I genuinely think that he had been manipulated by his family and my dad. Logan has promised to stand up to his family and go no contact with my dad.
I'm still living at my moms as I still need some space which I wont have if I move home. We are going to contact our wedding vendors and see what our options are next week. Logan is begging for a postponement rather than cancel it altogether. We may still break up as actions speak louder than words and I need to see if he can rebuild what we had and show me I can trust and depend on him.
Relevant Comments
OOP on if she is able to change her contact information and what about Logan

OOP: There's no point changing my number when I've done this before he always manages to get it again.
As for L - breaking up is not off the table. I'm giving him a chance to show me he means what he says. I always thought I had a decent relationship with Ls family, but clearly not. I'm not asking him to go NC with them thats for him to decide. I'm certainly going to distance myself from them and any further incidents no contact.
As for any future children if we are still together I won't be trusting them with my children at all

Tom_A_F: I vote for cancelling the wedding. Dude's gotta put in some MAJOR work to be husband material.

OOP: Sorry, the wedding is getting cancelled if I wasn't clear in my post. L is begging for it to be postponed.
I'm going to be contacting the vendors to see what our options are about getting refunds or partial refunds.
I can't marry someone I dont trust, and a few months or a year is not going to change that or reassure me.

 
DISCLAIMER: OOP HAS UPDATED AFTER THE BoRU WAS POSTED
SO PER RULES UPDATE IS INCLUDED
Update #4 - May 4, 2024
Hi everyone I did not plan to make another update at all but I'm still getting messages for an update and thought I would let you know the recent developments.
Firstly I have cancelled the wedding I was able to get some partial refunds but have lost some money. Logan begged me not to cancel the wedding but there was no way I could marry him after what he did.
I was set on giving him a 2nd chance and he promised me he would go low contact and stand up to his parents and issue an ultimatum that we would not tolerate any contact with my dad and Jane. Basically he would tell them we would not attend any event or party if they were invited and we would not tolerate any attempt to force contact or relationship with my dad.
He met with them to explain this to them. When he came back from this meeting he was quite irritable with me and appeared to have had a change of heart to summarize it - he was trying to convince me his family only meant well and that he can't go low contact with his family because he loves them and he can't dictate their friendships. He then tried to convince me it won't be an issue in the future and his father would speak to my dad and tell him to be on his best behaviour in my presence.
As soon as I heard this people's comments went through my head and the main one being if we had children he would take them to his family where my dad and Jane would be and I would have no control over this. At that moment
I realised I couldn't trust Logan and never would be able to.
I broke up with him, he is not taking it well and keeps begging me to take him back and that he would go no contact with his family. His family and friends are trying to convince me on his behalf not to end our relationship. He has made his choice and proven to me he is spineless. I don't need him in my life.
In regards to my dad I'm looking into getting a restraining order given what happened in the restaurant I might be able to but i dont know yet a friend of mine is helping me look into this.
My dad has kept a low profile since last week apart from a couple of attempts to apologize to me I havnt heard much from him. My sister still won't speak to him or Jane. Unlike me my sister is highly confrontational and has blasted him and Jane on social media with what happened at the restaurant and things that have happened in the past which I didn't know about.
My sister and Jane had a very public screaming match when she had seen them in town due to my sisters posts and demanding to take them down it ended up with Jane assaulting my sister. My dad apparently sided with Jane in this. My sister now hates Jane and refuses to speak to our dad who is also trying to contact her.
My dad and Jane’s reputation seems to have taken a hit and between the incident in the restaurant and my sisters fight with Jane and het numerous Facebook posts about them, People are gossiping. This has worked well for me because some people have backed off which Im happy about unfortunately there are a few people still on his side including my ex's parents.
As for my half siblings there's not much of an update in regards to them.
I've found a therapist however there is a bit of a waiting list before I can start my therapy. I'm still living with my mom who is completely on my side and I have found a kitten and pick her up next week.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

{{EDIT: }} Well the shower was yesterday, overall I'm happy with everything outside of my mother.
Drug aunt didn't come but sent mum a message around 1am. I only overheard the end of what mum was talking to dad and it was something like "____ being treated like this is why I would go on drug benders". I asked if she was coming and mum spat out "no" with such venom. Mum was in a shitty mood since, during the baby shower she spent hardly any time with guests, didn't speak to hubs parents at all, stayed in the kitchen the whole time.
Other aunt came 2.5 hours late, stayed an hour, said "really??" in a snotty tone about the baby name we picked (theodore) - that was the first thing she even said to me no hello or congratulations and didn't even get a card. So quite frankly she can eat shit too. I assume she's pissed off i didn't invite drug aunt and spent a good chunk of that hour she was here in the kitchen bitching about me with mum, i know this because everytime i would walk in they would stop talking at stare at me.
Husbands mother noticed my mother's attitude and I just told her everything. She feels more like a mother to me right now which I find really saddening.
Once aunt left and while the shower was still going mum was doing dishes instead of spending time outside with everyone else.
................................................. {{SECOND EDIT: }}
Just went and read the text while mum was busy, basically said "I'm so gutted for not being invited, how could she have invited me when she doesn't have me on social media ((I have blocked drug aunt)) so it feels deliberate, she could have called me yesterday to invite me, I don't care I wasn't invited I just care that I was excluded, shit like this is what would send me on a drug bender. Love you". I'm glad she knows it was on purpose and I'm glad she's upset honestly. Quite literally the only time she's ever had any sort of consequence to any actions. Once I leave here I might message mum to talk about how she acted but I really doubt it would do anything in the end. Having huge second thoughts about moving back here now. I don't want this sort of drama to be the rest of my life and my kids life. We were planning on having a first birthday here for bub but no, I'm not putting myself, my husband or the baby through this because it will somehow end up being about my motheaunt/insert whatever else.
I haven't really talked about my wedding in this post but it was very similar to my mother's behaviour for this. Before we flew up for today I even said to my husband if my mother acts like how she did at my wedding for this event I am done. And welp, I guess I'm done. We had planned on moving back to my hometown after husband is done his studying where we are currently, I honestly don't think I want to anymore. Sucks for my dad but it is what it is, I would rather see my parents a handful of times when they visit over having to deal with this bullshit constantly.
I'm really upset with how this visit went, it was alot of money to rebook flights after the first airline company went bust. And also my husbands lost wage as he normally works Friday and Saturday. Well over $3000 spent to be in this situation. If it wasn't more money i would be flying home with husband today instead of staying the few extra days as planned. Thanks for all the responses.
...........................................
{{ORIGINAL POST}} Sorry for the long post but context is needed.
My mothers sister (drug aunt) has been honestly one of the worst people I've ever come into contact with. There is so many things to list. From stealing my mother's engagement ring to pawn, stealing a house worth furniture from my grandmother while she was away and saying someone broke in, stealing my parents car and grandma's car, stealing money from everyone's purse. At the hospital while my grandma was dying, in front of the nurse my drug aunt has gone on a rant about her "black neighbour" who is doing yadda yadda to her, then said "so I called her a dirty n word and told her to fuck off". Putrid.
Most recently and my final blow was as she was getting a pension to care for my grandmothers brother who had suffered 3 strokes, unable to walk without a walker, unable to speak, she stole $28k over 6 months. She threw away a bank statement from him since he couldn't get to the mailbox to get it himself. The only way he found out was because a nice neighbour got to the mailbox at the right time for him.
I spent over 12 hours going through his bank statements highlighting every single thing she was spending it on, $100 dominoes, $90 mcdonalds, hundreds of dollars on alcohol. Useless shit. At the time she was doing this she was begging mum for money for groceries to feed her kid. My father was the only one working, they did not have the income to spend on her but mums till did. My parents went without so she could feed her child. Turns out she was buying $70 towels for her bathroom. When I say it makes me seethe I mean it. Cops did nothing btw, he's dead now so once again 0 consequences for her actions, I don't even think any of the family said anything to her about it.
I told my mother 3 different times leading up to now that my drug aunt is not invited as I will not associate with her now that grandma has died (i would see her at christmas), I want nothing to do with her, she will never know my child or even see it.
The other aunt has called my mother and said drug aunt is upset she wasn't invited and mums messaged her saying something like "oh didn't mean for you to call through the cracks just forgotten to invite you".
So over dinner tonight for my birthday mum and I had a back and forth over it because she kept saying she forgot I said I want nothing to do with her.. she did the whole b-but she's family thing to me. Told me that I have to be the bigger person, no I actually really don't. Dad said I need go grow up, Nana said I need to be more understanding to my mother and just let it go.. No. It's my baby shower, I wanted to spit on her at grandma's funeral but it wasn't about me so I just didn't speak to her. The only issue is that the babyshower at my parents house since I live out of state. I do not want her around me. The shit she has done to my whole family is putrid and I will not see her again.
So I have a few options going from here. 1. I unblock her from facebook and send her a message to tell her why I've not invited her. I'm not her friend on Facebook so it might go into the other inbox and she not see it. 2. If she shows up turn her away at the door, this will be awkward and has the potential of my mother trying to let her in. The has the potential of nuking the whole baby shower with the argument as its my parents house. 3. I write a message to my mother that she screenshots and passes onto drug aunt. Mum probably won't do this though.
Am i really the asshole here? Everyone but my husband is making out like im the problem. Feeling very stressed out.

EDIT: Well the shower was yesterday, overall I'm happy with everything outside of my mother.
Drug aunt didn't come but sent mum a message around 1am. I only overheard the end of what mum was talking to dad and it was something like "____ being treated like this is why I would go on drug benders". I asked if she was coming and mum spat out "no" with such venom. Mum was in a shitty mood since, during the baby shower she spent hardly any time with guests, didn't speak to hubs parents at all, stayed in the kitchen the whole time.
Other aunt came 2.5 hours late, stayed an hour, said "really??" in a snotty tone about the baby name we picked (theodore) - that was the first thing she even said to me no hello or congratulations and didn't even get a card. So quite frankly she can eat shit too. I assume she's pissed off i didn't invite drug aunt and spent a good chunk of that hour she was here in the kitchen bitching about me with mum, i know this because everytime i would walk in they would stop talking at stare at me.
Husbands mother noticed my mother's attitude and I just told her everything. She feels more like a mother to me right now which I find really saddening.
Once aunt left and while the shower was still going mum was doing dishes instead of spending time outside with everyone else.
................................................. SECOND EDIT:
Just went and read the text while mum was busy, basically said "I'm so gutted for not being invited, how could she have invited me when she doesn't have me on social media ((I have blocked drug aunt)) so it feels deliberate, she could have called me yesterday to invite me, I don't care I wasn't invited I just care that I was excluded, shit like this is what would send me on a drug bender. Love you". I'm glad she knows it was on purpose and I'm glad she's upset honestly. Quite literally the only time she's ever had any sort of consequence to any actions. Once I leave here I might message mum to talk about how she acted but I really doubt it would do anything in the end. Having huge second thoughts about moving back here now. I don't want this sort of drama to be the rest of my life and my kids life. We were planning on having a first birthday here for bub but no, I'm not putting myself, my husband or the baby through this because it will somehow end up being about my motheaunt/insert whatever else.
I haven't really talked about my wedding in this post but it was very similar to my mother's behaviour for this. Before we flew up for today I even said to my husband if my mother acts like how she did at my wedding for this event I am done. And welp, I guess I'm done. We had planned on moving back to my hometown after husband is done his studying where we are currently, I honestly don't think I want to anymore. Sucks for my dad but it is what it is, I would rather see my parents a handful of times when they visit over having to deal with this bullshit constantly.
I'm really upset with how this visit went, it was alot of money to rebook flights after the first airline company went bust. And also my husbands lost wage as he normally works Friday and Saturday. Well over $3000 spent to be in this situation. If it wasn't more money i would be flying home with husband today instead of staying the few extra days as planned. Thanks for all the responses.
...........................................
ORIGINAL POST:
My mothers sister (drug aunt) has been honestly one of the worst people I've ever come into contact with. There is so many things to list. From stealing my mother's engagement ring to pawn, stealing a house worth furniture from my grandmother while she was away and saying someone broke in, stealing my parents car and grandma's car, stealing money from everyone's purse. At the hospital while my grandma was dying, in front of the nurse my drug aunt has gone on a rant about her "black neighbour" who is doing yadda yadda to her, then said "so I called her a dirty n word and told her to fuck off". Putrid.
Most recently and my final blow was as she was getting a pension to care for my grandmothers brother who had suffered 3 strokes, unable to walk without a walker, unable to speak, she stole $28k over 6 months. She threw away a bank statement from him since he couldn't get to the mailbox to get it himself. The only way he found out was because a nice neighbour got to the mailbox at the right time for him.
I spent over 12 hours going through his bank statements highlighting every single thing she was spending it on, $100 dominoes, $90 mcdonalds, hundreds of dollars on alcohol. Useless shit. At the time she was doing this she was begging mum for money for groceries to feed her kid. My father was the only one working, they did not have the income to spend on her but mums till did. My parents went without so she could feed her child. Turns out she was buying $70 towels for her bathroom. When I say it makes me seethe I mean it. Cops did nothing btw, he's dead now so once again 0 consequences for her actions, I don't even think any of the family said anything to her about it.
I told my mother 3 different times leading up to now that my drug aunt is not invited as I will not associate with her now that grandma has died (i would see her at christmas), I want nothing to do with her, she will never know my child or even see it.
The other aunt has called my mother and said drug aunt is upset she wasn't invited and mums messaged her saying something like "oh didn't mean for you to call through the cracks just forgotten to invite you".
So over dinner tonight for my birthday mum and I had a back and forth over it because she kept saying she forgot I said I want nothing to do with her.. she did the whole b-but she's family thing to me. Told me that I have to be the bigger person, no I actually really don't. Dad said I need go grow up, Nana said I need to be more understanding to my mother and just let it go.. No. It's my baby shower, I wanted to spit on her at grandma's funeral but it wasn't about me so I just didn't speak to her. The only issue is that the babyshower at my parents house since I live out of state. I do not want her around me. The shit she has done to my whole family is putrid and I will not see her again.
So I have a few options going from here. 1. I unblock her from facebook and send her a message to tell her why I've not invited her. I'm not her friend on Facebook so it might go into the other inbox and she not see it. 2. If she shows up turn her away at the door, this will be awkward and has the potential of my mother trying to let her in. The has the potential of nuking the whole baby shower with the argument as its my parents house. 3. I write a message to my mother that she screenshots and passes onto drug aunt. Mum probably won't do this though.
So am I really the asshole here? Everyone but my husband thinks I am.

Hi guys, i understand it’s a late post, however i have been gone all day, I haven’t really kept up with anything going on, I had things to do including getting a new tattoo (I’ll insert clip) but from what it looks like, word is getting around. I personally posted on my instagram and town Facebook page to get more coverage. It’s surprising how many mums/families out there didn’t know that elphastink existed, some people have taken tiktok off their children’s phones so it’s a step in the right direction 💙 hope everyone is doing okay and is well 💛

I’m gonna start off this story with the fact that I no longer have contact with my grandmother. I finally had the courage to go no contact after losing my grandfather in 2022. (Worst year of my life.)
This all begins when I was born….Quite literally. I was raised under my grandparents roof ever since I was 2 weeks old. I knew I was different than the other grandchildren because of the way my family looked at me and held me to a different standard, but it only solidified once I got to be around 7-10. That’s when the comments didn’t keep slipping over my head and I became wiser to the mental anguish they were going to put me through.
My grandfather was the ONLY sensible person that kept my grandmother in line, even though they grew up in the same time. (They were about 8-9 years apart. He was older than her so she had less of an excuse-) My Grandfather knew what was disrespectful and would never treat me like a second class human being just because of my skin color….But my grandmother? Here's some of her best quotes that I remember from the time I was pre-teen onwards:

• "I love my white grand-babies, their blue eyes and blonde hair are just so gorgeous. They'll always be stars in my eyes."
  
• "Don't pronounce it that way- you'll sound like a n****r."
  
• "Your mom was a n****r lover, we almost sent her to [insert military school here] because she was with your father. Lucky we didn't cause you wouldn't exist."
  
• "You think the way you do because you were corrupted at that school, there was too many black kids there." (I went to a fundamental school that was majority white. Maybe 4-5% black.)
  
• "Your mother sent your sister to [insert school name here], it's 90% black- she's gonna come out speaking ghetto and uneducated like your cousin."
  
• [driving absolutely anywhere] "Make sure you lock the doors, you never know what these n*****s will do for some change.
  
• "Maybe stand in the back for the family photos, or let [insert name] stand in front of you. I have to put this on Facebook and my family in TN and GA will see this.”
  
• “You’re lucky you weren’t born with a tail, heard it’s super common with mixed breeds.”
  

Now I lived with this my ENTIRE adolescence, no matter if my mother was around or not- she'd always find a way to slip in a hurtful or racist comment towards me or my background.
Despite always being a stellar student in school, following every rule, and never straying from the high expectations they held me to as a family unit- I could never compare to the simple accomplishments her "treasured white grand-babies" did. She even use to say her grandson had a British accent, when it was a speech impediment....Just because she didn't want to admit her white grandchild had any flaws.
I grew up thinking I was born in the wrong skin. I straightened my hair until it all fell out or inevitably became damaged, staying out of the sun because it'd make me darker, shaping my nose in the mirror, and only inviting white friends over. (One time I had a black friend over she told her: "WOW! Your skin is so dark I almost didn't even see you." Her parents never let her over ever again, and we lost contact. I understand now, but when I was younger I started feeling rejected by not only white people, but other races as well because of how my family treated everyone.)
This ruined my self confidence, my pride in where I came from, and even some internalized racism towards black people for the longest time because of what I was told. (I would legit lie about my race. ANYTHING to not be grouped with the people my family hated with a passion.)
When I reached HS, I finally was open to all backgrounds and ideals- realizing not only was I stunted in life from ever feeling accepted and love, but shown how wrong my grandmother was. I grew resentful. But when my grandmother became older, she needed more help. I took up the responsibility of making all her meals, doing her errands, and even paying bills. But ONLY because my grandfather was the light of my life, and I'd walk to the ends of the earth for him. Years later, as he eventually grew sick and had in-home hospice (He had developed dementia and experienced really bad sundowning, he lost the ability to speak and move for the last 3 weeks of his life.) I could barely deal with the way she spoke to him, or me. I stuck around until his final breath, but as soon as he passed and I saw his death certificate…. I lost all feeling. I was more detached once he passed, but seeing her true colors made me want to curl into a ball and disappear… If my grandfather couldn’t change her, no one could….She turned into a complete monster.
• "I have my own house slave, making all my meals and doing what I need."

• "Put on my shoes" [She is more than capable to do so, being almost 10 years younger than my grandfather]
  
• "Thank goodness you got engaged to a white man, maybe he'll make your mothers wrongs right, IF you have kids" [This was in the midst of our infertility consultations, it killed me that she brought up kids constantly to get under my skin as we thought for so long that we couldn't conceive. And if we did, would they be treated like me? Because they had my blood?]
  

I eventually had enough, packed my stuff and left with my fiancé to a different state. She accused me of abusing the elderly by leaving her and called DCF on my mother- made up lies because she didn't like her or her current partner. (Her current partner happens to be black, which is what fueled her hatred.) Also found out that after we left, she would routinely go into the bathroom while my fiancé was showering and flirt with him on multiple occasions. He was disgusted by her behavior, yet had to deal with her because we were saving up money and we had no alternative place to reside at the time.
I am almost 23 years old now, just had our miracle baby in December 2023 and my grandmother will NEVER meet her great grandchild. I blocked her number and she has been out of my life for just over a year now. I realized just how damaging she was to my mental health and I'm sure I'll need plenty of therapy in the future to overcome it. Now, I was stupid to think she'd be thankful for me taking care of her, or that I could change her mind over the years, but to be honest….Nothing ever changed, and she eventually got worse. (Not to mention the apologists in our family just saying she's old and "set in her ways"…... She's only early 70s)
You could say I have thin skin, but for dealing with her for 21+ years, I can say now I can make it through the petty remarks some people may make from day to day when I come across the wrong person working/living life. She had taught me to become stronger mentally, and taught me how NOT to raise my child.
Reading this subreddit has helped me a ton, knowing I’m not alone is the greatest gift I can get. So, I decided to post my own story in hopes it’ll maybe come across someone who suffered the same fate. I have tons more stories about her, my other family members, and my experiences, but this post would turn into a book and I don’t want that.
Anyways- I wanted to mention, I never got pregnant until I left their house. My fiancé and I have been together 6 years and struggled many years with infertility. Once we left? I was pregnant within 4 months. Coincidence? Probably not. I was most likely too stressed to conceive.