Me (20) and my now ex-girlfriend (29) were together for a year (I was 19 and she was 28 when we met). We met due to studying the same course at university and we instantly hit it off. The start of our relationship was very intense. It felt perfect. We had an amazing connection, things seemed to flow so naturally, and things therefore moved very quickly. I even visited her home country and met her family after only a month of being together. We spent so much time together and we seemed perfect for each other. As a result, we both became very quickly attached to one another. Despite how perfect things were in the beginning, there were occasional glimpses of our own issues making their way into the relationship. For example, I started noticing small, sudden shifts in her moods and behaviour towards me. She was always so talkative, bubbly, and enthusiastic towards me, but there were a few instances during which she suddenly became more distant and silent, and her behaviour felt different than usual. This confused me, especially considering I didn’t know what the reason was. It left me guessing if there was perhaps a problem between us or if it was just a natural shift in her mood. Sometimes, it was due to her having a problem with me and other times it was just a natural fluctuation in her mood. However, I would always have to guess which one it was and as a result I started to become very aware of her moods and I felt like I had to start paying a lot of attention to the relationship to not accidentally upset or disappoint her in any way. When things were good between us, I rarely felt insecure, but when I suddenly started noticing shifts in her mood or behaviour towards me, I started to feel anxious and insecure.
To further elaborate, at times in the relationship, I found it difficult to read, predict, and understand her moods and her behaviour towards me: her behaviour felt inconsistent to me at times. One day she was super loving, talkative, and interested in me, and the next day it felt different. However, I didn't know if my feelings were justified or if I was simply overthinking and overanalysing her behaviour. Since she didn't tell me what was the matter even when I asked her, I was left confused and still guessing why there were these shifts in her mood.
She did tell me that she found it scary to trust others and, therefore, to be fully open with me. She told me that was why she would push me away sometimes, meaning that my feelings were not completely unjustified. She admitted herself that she could be a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. She was also older than me and more the independent type, and didn't always need a lot of attention, which is also an explanation for her change in behaviour. However, I didn't know that at the beginning of the relationship.
There were times where it felt like I had to follow an exact script on how to act or what to say to not upset her. She would become upset at times, because she didn’t think I appreciated her or because I didn’t give her the reaction she had in her mind. When I didn't live up to these unspoken expectations, she became more distant and silent (or even slightly pasisve aggressive), like I mentioned before. She wanted me to naturally know what she wanted, since in her mind it was obvious and she didn’t feel like she was a hard person to to read, but it wasn't obvious to me. This didn’t happen too often, but it still had an effect on me.
To give an example of how she could deal with these unspoken expectations, there was an instance when we did grocery shopping together. I paid for it at the time, but she told me to send her a payment request for half of it and when I did so a few days later, I immediately noticed a slight change in her energy towards me. When I questioned her about this, she told me that there was nothing wrong, but when I came round her place later that day. she was extremely cold and unaffectionate towards me. Her reaction was like I had cheated on her. I wasn't allowed to sit or be close to her, she was visibly upset, she wouldn't talk to me, and I had to sleep on the opposite side of the bed. I even mentioned if me sending her a payment request was an issue, but she told me that it was fine since she had told me that I could send her one. The next day she was hot and cold towards me, going from acting normally towards me to cold and distant again. Only after I became very upset and questioned her about it again did she tell me that the reason she was acting that way was because she wanted me to offer to pay for the groceries. She had paid for the groceries last time, so she wanted me to pay for them this time (I would have had no problem at all with paying, but since she told me to send her a payment request, I did). She told me that she became upset when I hadn't offered to do so naturally, which caused her to feel like I didn't appreciate or care about her enough. This was the most extreme example from our relationship, though. However, this situation caused me to lose some trust in her and her words.
Her behaviour wasn't intentional. It seemed to be due to a mix of her character and the things she had gone through in her past. It seemed like it was more of a coping/protective mechanism for her. She was aware of this, but her awareness wasn't always enough for her to cope in a different way.
In the cases where I felt like there was a shift in her behaviour, mood, or energy, it left me guessing if there was anything wrong. I had learned to associate a change in her mood as there potentially being something wrong. I was just afraid of there being a problem between us and not knowing about it, like the payment request situation (and other situations).
At times, my insecurities, anxious attachment, and my resulting codependency from this relationship significantly affected her and put a strain on the relationship. For example, there could be absolutely nothing wrong and I would create a problem out of nowhere. I was dependent on her for my happiness and if there was even a slight bit of attention focused on someone else, it would bother me. Sometimes, this would make me overly needy and controlling. This frustrated and triggered her a lot, because she also wanted to give other people attention and felt suffocated by my unreasonable demands. This was also a reoccurring pattern in the relationship.
My fear of there being a problem between us which I might not know about, my fear of not being as important to her as she was to me, and therefore, my fear of losing her became too strong at times, which caused me to become insecure and worried. Especially the times where my insecurity and worry was unjustified affected her a lot. During those times, she felt like I was causing issues for no reason and she felt upset and frustrated that, despite her giving me lots of attention the days before, I would still need reassurance and interpret her behaviour as there being something wrong between us. This made her feel drained, annoyed, suffocated, and upset.
Her reactions tended to be quite defensive and dismissive towards me. I understand her reaction, because her feelings were completely justified, but she chose to respond in those ways to vent her frustration. She would tell me that I was annoying, way too needy, that I should stop overthinking her behaviour, and that I should work on my insecurities. She was correct though. During these moments, I would become very apologetic. I just wanted things to be good between us. There were also times I felt like I was taking responsibility for things I didn't feel responsible for, just to make sure things were okay. She wasn't completely wrong regarding what she was saying to me, but it was harsh. It was absolutely not my intention to cause a problem or to frustrate or annoy her, but because it seemed to affect her enough for her to become so defensive, I thought that my behaviour was unacceptable and blamed myself a lot. I also started feeling like my feelings were completely irrational and therefore I started doubting myself more.
Therefore, at times, I felt like I was walking on eggshells. I was afraid of bringing up a situation in which I thought there was something wrong between us, because I was afraid of being wrong and her reactions tended to be quite defensive and dismissive. She also felt like she was walking on eggshells at times due to my tendency to overthink her behaviours. She didn’t want to cause a problem either, since even small shifts in her behaviour could worry me.
During the relationship, I could at times become jealous when I was insecure, for example when she spent time with her friends or family without me, either through texting or in real life. This would obviously frustrate her a lot and was one of the most difficult parts of the relationship for her, since she was just spending time with others and didn't see how that could be a cause of insecurity for me. I tended to be rational and calm when I was insecure or jealous, but there were occasional instances where that wasn't the case and I acted in a more passive aggressive or guilt-trippy manner. I am not usually a toxic person, but I did display some toxic behaviours at times during this relationship.
We both had past issues which we projected onto each other at times. The relationship was very intense and that meant there were also many highs and lows. We had a deep affection and care for one another and we both thought the relationship was too good to be true. For me, it felt too good to be true be in a relationship for the first time and to have a romantic experience with someone I cared so much about, because I had never experienced that before. For her, it felt too good to be true that I was so kind and caring to her, because she had never felt that before from anyone else to this extent. She had always felt let down by people before in her life and she couldn’t believe that I wasn't like them. We were both afraid of losing each other. For me, it was expressed by going above and beyond for her, a tendency to be more clingy and have a need for reassurance, wanting to always feel close and connected with her, and things like that. For her, it seemed like she could show a combination of becoming distant and pushing me away, but also becoming very vulnerable at times too and showing me lots of love and affection.
My ex told me a lot about her past trauma and how life had been quite difficult for her the past few years. Her grandmother had passed away a 6 years ago and during that time she lost her group of friends (which included her best friend) after a big conflict in which she felt unfairly treated. It seemed like she had had quite a few friendships in which she didn’t feel like her needs were being met and she tended te feel unfairly treated. It was a reoccurring theme in her life.
Her other grandmother passed away ahalf a year before we met. She didn’t really have many friendships to rely on either at that time, because she studied abroad and her friends and family were obviously not present to support her. She also struggled a lot with academic stress during our time together. She had failed a few exams and fell behind, which compounded her struggles, especially since she was still grieving the loss of her grandmother. Then, her family dog passed away very suddenly 10 months into our relationship. It felt like her dog passing away was the last drop that made the bucket overflow. She loved that dog so much and it really affected her. Her grief was very intense. These incidents played a massive role in her mood shifts, especially considering she is an emotionally sensitive person and her moods already seemed quite easily affected at times.
She wasn’t emotionally stable and her emotional regulation seemed to be lacking at times too, especially considering she was 29. I was 9 years younger than her and in general life situations, I felt like the more stable and mature person for most of the relationship. I didn’t always act that way during our conflicts, though, but in general life it seemed like I was more regulated and rational. I was also the one who tended to take on a more caretaker role in the relationship due to my codependency.
Her emotions could be intense and easily triggered by other people or life stressors. She tended to attribute her behaviour and reactions more on external factors, such as her past experiences or the bad things happening currently in her life. Of course, she did take responsibility too, but often after the fact. Initially, it always felt like the world was against her. She was often the one feeling the most hurt from her past friendships. It was hard to not feel bad for her.
As a result, during the last two months of the relationship (after her family dog passed away), her emotional instability reached its peak. It was like her world fell apart. Her moods were very up and down, and she had depressive episodes during which she broke down crying a lot. During that time, I was pretty much her only emotional support. I took care of her a lot during that period. Things became very draining for me. Towards the end, I had given everything I had for her and had put all of her needs above mine. I felt more like a parent than a boyfriend. During this difficult period, we started triggering each other more frequently. I was often worried about her well-being due to her not taking care of herself very well during this period. I was starting to find it very hard to be supportive since I had become emotionally numb around that point. I had nothing left in me anymore. When I mentioned to her that I felt drained, she would feel upset. She interpreted it as me saying that her emotions was too much and she felt invalidated. Granted, I could have worded it more clearly, but I definitely didn't say it how she interpreted it. Towards the end, my behaviour also became slightly passive aggressive and controlling/possessive at times (I told her once that it bothered me how much she was texting her friends and that I wished she would text them less), and I had made an insensitive comment. I mentioned to her that I had become slightly less attracted to her and that she had gained some weight. I had become a caretaker for her, she wasn’t really taking care of herself, and I felt like this relationship was very draining to be in, and as a result I found myself feeling slightly less attracted to her. This feeling really bothered me, because I didn't want to feel that way. I loved her and wanted to feel 100% attracted to her. I thought it would be best to simply be honest with her. However, I should have worded it differently, because it obviously hurt her a lot. I should have not made it about her attractiveness or weight. I did apologise a lot and tried to reassure her that I did still find her attractive, but the damage was already done. I meant well, but I was very naïve in thinking that bringing that up was not going to have an effect on her. That is a harsh lesson learned from my side. I still feel bad about it.
However, I also felt very unfairly treated by her during that last part of our relationship. I did so much for her during that period relationship, yet she still managed to interpret some of my behaviour as me not caring enough sometimes. She seemed to become upset more frequently about very small matters and at times it seemed like she was nit-picking problems or finding reasons to become upset at me. This resulted in her becoming distant and passive aggressive towards me. That was very frustrating and exhausting to deal with, especially when I was already starting to become emotionally drained. She would say things like “Sorry for existing then” or “I guess I’ll just stop that then” when I felt bothered by something. This was also due time her own struggles and her grief at the time, so I fully understand.
Towards the end, my needs were not getting met. I just wanted to help her through this immensely tough period and it was more important to me that her needs were met than mine. I just wanted to see her happy, because as long as she was happy, I was happy.
Overall, she was generally a very loving, funny, kind woman who obviously cared a lot for me. We created so many amazing memories together and I will never forget her or the relationship. At times, things would be absolutely perfect between us and it felt like a dream. The relationship wasn’t constantly negative. We shared periods of stability and there are many examples of times when we were able to communicate in a loving and healthy manner. We shared a real love and had an amazing connection with one another. We were together for a year so that obviously counts for something.
The relationship became unhealthy for both of us, especially towards the end. There were toxic behaviours from both sides rooted in our own issues. However, there were also periods of stability and calm. It wasn't always a constant rollercoaster. Looking back, I believe we we did share more good memories with each other than bad ones, but in the end the relationship seemed to reach a point beyond repair. She felt very drained by my constant overthinking, and my insecurity and jealousy. She felt like she had to constantly prove herself as a result, which upset her a lot. She already had her own struggles and it seemed like my insecurities became too much for her and that the relationship became too unhealthy and upsetting towards the end. This was my experience so it will undoubtedly be biased in some ways. However, it is still a valid experience and I have tried to acknowledge her side as well.

At the very least, English subs could be shown in ALL parts of the game, such as when shopping, during battle etc.

Looking to get an automower for my mom, her yard is under 1/2 acre flat.
Found a new in box Cub Cadet XR3 3000 (from 2019 it seems, old stock?) for a good price ($450), but I am unable to find any sort of feedback on how well Club Cadet ones perform, reliable? Anyone have any insight or feedback?
From sitting in a box for along time, maybe the battery pack is toast, I am handy enough to rebuild battery packs, but how about drive motors/gears, spare parts, etc? I see parts listed on cubcadet.ca which should cover the majority of maintenance items. Cub Cadet used to be a good brand in the past but recently their tractor forums seem to indicate they're made cheap these days. Not sure on the automower side of things, this model doesn't come up on any forums.
thanks for any advice
Jonathan

Hi, in my country the Camaro has far more mechanics and shops working on it and the parts are dirt cheap and avaliable everywhere new and used.
On the other hand the brz is not as known and the spare parts are close to none existent, I'd have to order everything online which would take weeks to deliver and it would cost and arm and a leg if something breaks down (which will probably happen at some point due to the nature of racing)
They are both priced similarly, a 2014 camaro will cost the same as a 2015 brz.
Recommendations? unfortunately the miata doesnt exist here or it would be my first choice.

Dealing with the mother in law is hard enough, but can you imagine if you also need to deal with his sisters?
His oldest sister is living next door with her husband and her parent in laws. Her husband has a little bro. According to what she said, the brother is spoiled by the parents and she dislike him. Therefore, her front door uses key because she doesn’t want the brother to come so easily and so often. But our front door uses passcode, and she came over to our house every weekends at that time. She stayed the whole day in our house on weekends.
My husbands father has diabetes and needs kidney dialysis. Most of the time, his second sis is the one who took him to the doctor or hospital. But she needs to work, so my husband also needs to help from time to time. However, whenever they ask the oldest sis to help with the dad, she would say, I am married out already. In my memory, she seldom took the dad to the doctor or the kidney dialysis. I am not good at driving, and was pregnant at that time, I picked his dad up from the hospital once (what is ironic here is that his second sis thought it was their oldest sis picked them up from the hospital even though she is the one also complained the biggest never helped), helped his second sis to send his dad to the kidney dialysis ( because she needs people to help the dad get out or in the car), and helped with translation for his dad’s physical therapy when his second sis was not available. In January of 2021, his dad’s situation is very bad and the nurse asked them to make a decision if the hospital should save his life if ….. the chance is only 50/50, and even though he was saved, he would have to do kidney dialysis for the rest of his life, and he also would have to have his leg amputation. Considering his life quality and the care taking part, his mom and second sis agreed to let him passed away naturally if that really happens. My husband had a hard time making the decisions. The oldest sister kept crying over there, and said we should not give up his life. Suddenly, she turned to me and asked about my opinion. Then I expressed my opinion, if you guys decide to save his life then you guys should share the responsibility of taking care of him and help with doctor visit and kidney dialysis, but you guys also need to think about his life quality and the fact that he would lose his legs. His second sis agreed with what I said, and my husband agreed with his mum and second sis at the end The oldest sis also agreed with then after her husband s persuasion. After his dad passed away, the oldest sis is the one cried the hardest, and the mum told one of their aunt on the phone how sad the oldest daughter is, and asked her not to cry so much, otherwise her health might be affected. Mam, you should show your love and contribute more to your father when he s still alive.
After I had my first kid, especially my relationship with my mother in law was like freezing at that time, my husband and I would go to visit my parents every weekend, one reason is that I could escape that prison like house, the other reason is that my parents could help me with the baby there so that I can rest a little bit. However, I accidentally found out she complained to my husband about me in the message why I always showed them bitchy face at home and why would I go back to my parents house every weekend. But the fact is she came over to our house more often when their dad’s situation was bad. And after the dad passed away, she still came over very often, which lead to her mother in law yelling at her at one time(when her father in law was in hospital because of Covid), saying no daughter in law would go back to her mums house so frequently. She’s lucky to have her husband to back her up by then. And she came over to our house to complained about it, and said I was married to her son but not selling myself to his family. My mother in law told her to keep quiet then the situation would become better.
Talking about the message, how I found out she bitched about me and my family is also very interesting. Thats like when my son was like about 8 months old, my husband told me to let his mum to watch the baby a little bit and would go grocery shopping with me after that meeting. I was waiting for my husband in his office room, and his mom was holding the baby to nap. I left my phone in the living room, so I played with my husband s phone. I accidentally went to the message, and saw that the last msg his oldest sis said is if you go bankrupt don’t expect me to help you. I was wondering what would make her say this. Then I went into their msg. The first time I found out that actually she had so many complaints about my family and me. So my husband got my dad a free tablet through promotion and he shipped it to our house for setup. She saw that package with my dad’s name on it. Second sis said it might be sending here for set up. In the text she told my husband that she wanted to get a tablet and ask for suggestion. My husband asked why would u need that, you don’t use that. Then she said is this your father in law s Xmas gift? My husband explained that’s through a promotion, not he buying it. Then she said, I guess he would not get a Christmas gift since you already got him a house! lol my dad paid half of that retirement house. And because my sis and I could not get a good rate, my husband said he could help, but my sis s side will be responsible for half of the mortgage. My husband s name is also on that title! How come this house would become my dad’s Christmas gift? And in the message, she also said she s not as lucky as me, no need to wash dishes at home. But the fact is I am the one who cooked most in our house and did most of the dish cleaning before my baby came out, I am the one who cleaned the house all the time. I didn’t do so many dishes wash after the baby was born because I needed to take care of the baby and power pump is very exhausting for me at that time. For her, she doesn’t cook much at her house, because either her father in law cook or the parent in laws bring food home when they are off work or her mum would cook and ask the second sis to bring food over! And her parents in laws would clean the whole house every Wednesday at that time! Reading this I felt super angry, my face was burning and my heart was about to jump out of my breast! I directly replied bitch to her! I hung up on her when she called my husband s phone. After my husband finished the meeting , I said, “ u r in trouble now, because I just called your sis bitch!” She called my mother in law saying the brother curse her. And MIL came knocking at the door, disregarding if my husband is still in the meeting or my son was napping in her arm. She asked my husband why cursed his sis! I couldn’t stand any more, then I exploded, and questioned her why every time you defend your daughter no matter shes right or not. Do you know what she said about my parents and me in the message. I also directly called her bitch and claimed that it's her who kicked my mom out of our house when she was here to help me! That became a big arguement and I took my son back to my parents house right after the arguement.
Because of my husband, I tried to fix the relationship after half a year, and we had our own house as well.
However, just two days ago (5/14), his oldest sis called him around 10:30pm using second sis s phone because her husband got her a new phone and would like my husband to set it up for her. Her old phone is still usable, why the new phone must be set up now? And my husband is wondering why she’s not using the her husband’s phone to call but second sister’s phone. My husband went to check and found out she moved into our house, where his mom and second sis are living, with her 18 month son . And He traced that she was living there since 3/16. Not sure about exactly when as the history can only go back to two or three months. My husband and his second sis are the owners, and my husband is helping paying the mortgage ( before we moved out, he is the only one paying the mortgage). Why no one telling us about her move in. And we are sure she has no issue with her husband and parents in law because the husband just bought her the new iPhone and she s living in our house on weekdays, but on weekends she would go back to her own house. How hypocritical it is! When my son was about 8 months old she complained we went back to my parents house every weekend. But now she moved into our house even though her house is next door !!! My husband called the second sis and told her about this, expressed his disappointment about not letting him knowing this, telling her this whole shit is basically slapping my face. And also told them we are going to cancel NC trip. BTW, the oldest sister texted my husband asked him to go back to our house help clean the doggie this week, before the NC trip. Why the heck you live there , eat there, free baby sitter there, you can’t clean the dog with your sister?!!!

cs luis vives
Vida de CS Luis Vives
La vida de CS Luis Vives es un tema fascinante que nos permite adentrarnos en la historia y conocer más acerca de este importante pensador del siglo XVI. Nacido en Valencia en 1492, Luis Vives fue un destacado filósofo, humanista y pedagogo.
Vives se destacó por su profunda preocupación por la educación y la formación integral de las personas. Fue un defensor de la educación como herramienta para el desarrollo del individuo y de la sociedad en su conjunto. Sus ideas innovadoras en el campo de la pedagogía marcaron un antes y un después en la historia de la educación.
Además de su labor como pedagogo, Luis Vives también realizó importantes aportes en el ámbito de la filosofía y la psicología. Sus escritos abordan temas como la naturaleza humana, la ética y la política, entre otros. Su obra se caracteriza por su rigor intelectual y su profundo humanismo.
Luis Vives vivió en una época de grandes cambios y tensiones sociales y políticas. A pesar de las dificultades de su tiempo, supo mantenerse fiel a sus convicciones y contribuir de manera significativa al pensamiento de su época.
En resumen, la vida de CS Luis Vives es un ejemplo de compromiso intelectual y social que sigue siendo relevante en la actualidad. Su legado perdura en sus escritos y en la influencia que ha tenido en el desarrollo de la educación y la filosofía.
Filosofía de CS Luis Vives
La filosofía de CS Luis Vives, un prominente filósofo renacentista español del siglo XVI, sigue siendo relevante en la actualidad debido a sus ideas innovadoras y su enfoque en la educación y la ética. Vives abogaba por una educación integral que fomentara el pensamiento crítico y la formación de individuos autónomos y virtuosos.
Uno de los aspectos más destacados de la filosofía de Vives es su énfasis en la importancia de la introspección y el autoconocimiento. Creía que para alcanzar la felicidad y la plenitud era fundamental conocerse a sí mismo y cultivar la interioridad. Esta idea resuena en la actualidad, donde la atención plena y el desarrollo personal son temas de gran interés.
Además, Vives defendía la importancia de la educación como medio para el desarrollo del individuo y la sociedad en su conjunto. Creía en la educación como un proceso de formación integral que debía incluir tanto conocimientos académicos como valores éticos y morales. Esta visión holística de la educación es relevante en un mundo cada vez más globalizado y cambiante.
En resumen, la filosofía de CS Luis Vives nos invita a reflexionar sobre la importancia del autoconocimiento, la educación integral y el desarrollo personal. Sus ideas sobre la formación del individuo y la sociedad siguen siendo relevantes en la actualidad y nos inspiran a buscar la excelencia y la plenitud en nuestras vidas.
Contribuciones de CS Luis Vives
Como uno de los pensadores más influyentes del Renacimiento español, las contribuciones de CS Luis Vives han dejado una marca indeleble en la historia. Nacido en Valencia en el siglo XVI, fue un humanista, filósofo y escritor que se destacó por su profunda perspectiva sobre la educación y la sociedad de su época.
Uno de los aspectos más destacados de las contribuciones de CS Luis Vives fue su enfoque en la educación como herramienta para la formación integral de la persona. Abogó por una educación basada en el razonamiento y la reflexión, en lugar de la mera memorización de información. Su obra "De Disciplinis" es considerada una de las primeras obras modernas sobre pedagogía, donde defendía la importancia de enseñar a pensar críticamente y cultivar el intelecto.
Además, CS Luis Vives también realizó importantes aportes en el campo de la psicología, al explorar la relación entre la mente y el cuerpo. Se interesó por la influencia de las emociones en el comportamiento humano, y abogó por el cuidado de la salud mental como parte fundamental del bienestar general.
En resumen, las contribuciones de CS Luis Vives trascienden su tiempo y siguen siendo relevantes en la actualidad. Su enfoque en la educación como herramienta de transformación personal y social, así como su exploración de la psicología humana, lo convierten en una figura clave en la historia del pensamiento occidental.
Pensamiento de CS Luis Vives
El pensamiento de CS Luis Vives, uno de los filósofos más destacados del Renacimiento, sigue siendo relevante en la actualidad por su enfoque en la educación y la filosofía humanista. Vives abogaba por una educación integral que formara a individuos tanto en conocimientos académicos como en virtudes morales.
Para Vives, la educación debía centrarse en el desarrollo tanto intelectual como ético de la persona, con el objetivo de formar individuos íntegros y capaces de enfrentar los desafíos de la vida de manera racional y virtuosa. Consideraba que la educación debía ser accesible para todos, independientemente de su origen social o económico, y que era responsabilidad de la sociedad garantizar esta igualdad de oportunidades.
Además, Vives defendía la importancia de la observación y la experiencia en el proceso educativo, argumentando que el aprendizaje debía ser participativo y basado en la interacción directa con el entorno. Creía en la importancia de la educación como motor de progreso tanto a nivel individual como social, y en su capacidad para transformar positivamente a las personas y a la sociedad en su conjunto.
En resumen, el pensamiento de CS Luis Vives destaca por su enfoque humanista en la educación, su defensa de la igualdad de oportunidades y su énfasis en la formación integral de la persona. Sus ideas continúan siendo una fuente de inspiración para quienes creen en el poder transformador de la educación y en el desarrollo pleno del ser humano.
Legado de CS Luis Vives
El legado de CS Luis Vives, un destacado filósofo, pedagogo y humanista español del siglo XVI, sigue siendo relevante en la actualidad. Vives creía en la educación como medio para mejorar la sociedad y abogaba por la formación integral de los individuos, no sólo en conocimientos académicos, sino también en valores éticos y morales.
Una de las principales contribuciones de Vives fue su enfoque humanista en la educación, promoviendo el desarrollo de las habilidades intelectuales y emocionales de los estudiantes. También abogaba por la educación inclusiva, defendiendo el derecho de todos los individuos a recibir una educación de calidad, independientemente de su origen social o cultural.
Además, Vives fue un crítico de la educación tradicional basada en la memorización y abogaba por un enfoque más práctico y participativo, fomentando la reflexión y el pensamiento crítico en los estudiantes. Su obra más conocida, "De Disciplinis", es un tratado sobre la educación que sigue siendo estudiado y debatido en la actualidad.
El legado de CS Luis Vives se refleja en la importancia que se le da actualmente a la educación integral y humanista, así como en la necesidad de promover la inclusión y la diversidad en los sistemas educativos. Su visión de la educación como motor de cambio social sigue inspirando a educadores y académicos en todo el mundo.

I went to Europe in October and declared my items per the law because I bought some big-ticket items; Cartier, Gucci, Diptyque etc and I kept the boxes. I told customs that it was a little over 1500-2k (low balling it) thinking that they'll have me pay at the window, but I got flagged for more screening. It was only 3 of us over there out of huge flight from Paris. I was thinking...there's no way none of these people bought anything from Europe. Maybe Customs thought I was acting suspicious, or maybe everyone else was better prepared? Anyways, after 45 mins of waiting, and going through my stuff, they taxed me on the highest items and let the small stuff slide. They were "nice" about it, I guess. It was about 100 dollars, but I was more annoyed that I was holding up my friend and my friend's husband (our ride). Not to mention that I was in the front of the line because of Global Entry and was literally the last person leaving the terminal.
Fast forward to today, my coworker just returned from Europe with an LV bag that she didn't declare. She and her friend walked right through with their items. She lied and said that she didnt buy anything besides souvenirs. Mildly infuriated...not because of the taxes but that I was put through the entire screening process for being truthful.
Maybe my seasoned travelers who shop in Europe can fill me in on this whole import tax situation because a part of me feels like it was motivated by something else. Why didn't she just look at my receipts and tax me at the window?

Hi there, I’m coming to visit your beautiful country this upcoming september. Two years ago while on a work trip I bought an Albania NT Jersey at the AirAlbania Stadium store since I’m a collector of jerseys. Back then I also noticed they had some club shirts of local teams also wearing Macron.
Having been to Montenegro and North Macedonia in the past I know how hard it can be in this part of Europe to find official football shirts. In Montenegro I found nothing and in Macedonia I eventually found a FK Vardar shop and later found an awesome Shküpi jersey online.
Long story short, does anyone know of other places throughout Albania where one can find official football jerseys? Also doesnt matter which club it is, would be great if I can find some.

Red Seas Under Red Skies by Scott Lynch, Reminiscence: By Their Own Rope to Chapter 7
Welcome back to Tal Verrar, where the artifice is real and the pirates are fake. Let's see if we know the Gentlemen Bastards’ business this week.
Summary
Six months since the last Reminiscence, Locke has locked up the mysterious chairs and is with Jean in Vo Samara. Jean brought rope which was secured around a thick tree trunk. They're practicing getting to the vault. They used harnesses and a safety line to rappel down the cliff.
Someone calls down to them from the top. He'd steal their coats and chop the ropes. He was a highwayman always on the lookout for people to rob. He called them heretics and cut one of Locke’s lines. Jean tried to throw a knife at him, but only the hilt hit. Then the thief fell off the cliff onto Locke’s harness. Jean grabbed the bandit by the hair, and Locke held a knife to his throat.
His name was Trav, and he was unemployed. Jean made it up first and hauled them up. Locke berates the incompetent thief. He left a purse of silver for him. He could be helpful to them later if he remembered their kindness. It had been eighteen months since anyone tried to kill them.
In the present day, they eat breakfast at The Gilded Cloister. They discuss the attack last night and who might want them dead. Merrain is dressed as a waitress and hands them a bill and a note to meet where they first met. They are on their guard all the way there. They enter an abandoned shop where four men in gray cloaks and hats wait for them. The four men are decoys. Jean and Locke don their own cloaks and hats and get in a carriage.
Merrain is already in their carriage. They will head to the docks. They hoist themselves into a boat filled with rowers. Merrain is the coxswain. They enter the Sword Marina and the stone walls of the bay. A man meets them there and says it's a fool's mission. He's Caldris the ship's master. He leads them to a dinghy in a “pissing-pond” for practice. Stragos had tricked him with poisoned wine, too, so he “volunteered” his services.
Every ship must have a woman officer and a cat for luck. They have a kitten but don't need the woman yet. Caldris cut their palms with a knife and put a slice of bread over it as part of a ritual to the deity Iono Stormbringer. They practice rowing for hours. He bet them that they would capsize, and he won.
Locke is exhausted, but he has to see Requin and give him the chairs and tell him of the voyage. Merrain almost didn't let him go. After two hours, he and the chairs go to see Requin. He waits at the service entrance and pays a servant to get him Selendri. She used to be an Eye of the Archon before her injury.
Requin loves the chairs. Locke says he won them in a card game. He tells Requin that he'll be away for a while to find a lockpicker named “Calo Callas.” Requin makes him promise to tell him of any more plans right away.
They learn how to use a Verrari/Camorri quadrant (sextant) among other navigational instruments, books, and charts. Stragos and Merrain pay a visit to fit his uniform. He must look the part of a Captain at least for a day.
The ship The Red Messenger is in the harbor one day. It was seized from a man who tried to smuggle in stiletto wasps. The enormity of his task hit Locke as he boarded for the first time. Two weeks of training had prepared him to climb the ropes to the mast and sails. Caldris was feeling his age as they climbed down. Luckily the captain and the master stay on deck.
Jean found Locke in a sailor’s bar trying to get drunk and forget anything nautical for a night. (Wrong place for it.) Six watchmen entered and caused tension. The bar patrons were hostile, so one of the watchmen left some money for a round on him and all left. Locke and Jean give their free dark ale to a dockworker woman. The woman was choking and gagging. One the bar workers had put some poison (and not salt) in the drinks!
A ship leech used Locke’s stiletto to perform a tracheotomy on her so she could breathe. It was too late, though. The barkeeper accused the doctor of killing her. The other sailors demand he apologize. Then he drank some ale to prove it wasn't deadly. Jean asked where the second assistant was. Authorities would be called, so Jean and Locke made their exit. The free ale was a cover, and the watchmen were used by someone trying to kill them. The Priori did it.
Jean catches a man in the alleyway. He's an Eye, but who can be sure anymore? They want him to send a message to Merrain that they need a place to stay and protection.
They check out of the inn, and Locke sends a note to Requin. Caldris is even harder on them in his training. All three devise hand signals for when they can't speak among the crew. Caldris and Merrain are impressed by Locke's acting prowess.
Later on, Locke and Jean knock out a guard with a hood full of a sedative. A tower is their destination. Stragos had brought one of his own ships for them to do a demonstration. They sail to Windward Rock where a prison tower stands. That's where Stragos locked up the other Captain for stealing and treachery. He says that this Captain is Locke.
In the tower, Locke hands his papers to a woman who shows them to the lieutenant behind a desk. His pseudonym is Orrin Ravelle. He and Jean are there to see the prisoners. They both attack the guards. A poison called witfrost will put them asleep for the night.
Stragos tells Locke about Highpoint Citadel Gaol and Windward Rock. He has arranged for Ravelle to have a paper trail. He will find his crew in Windward Rock. The prisoners were in one large cell. Locke tells them that he chose them to be his crew. (Stragos chose 44 and made their lives miserable so they would want to leave and be on his crew. Four were women and got too sick, or so he said.)
Locke promises them equal shares of any plunder and freedom from the hell cell. They clamber to join.
Caldris had a bad feeling about the voyage if there won't be any women on board and no basket of cats.
Prisoner Jabril is made acting mate. Two younger prisoners row a boat out to a bigger boat. They all board and sail to the Red Messenger.
Merrain had hidden nearby, and after they all left, she snuck into the tower and killed the guards except the two on the top floor.
Locke pretends to knock out the guard on the ship. Duties are assigned. The guard is placed in the smaller boat. Some of the men were on the ship before and were assigned topmen. So starts their voyage. Locke was having fun playing the part of rogue Captain.
They sight sails on day three, but it's too early to be pillaging. Locke orders them to practice archery. Caldris estimates that they'll make it to the Ghostwinds in two weeks.
The crew drank and partied, playing knife throwing games. Locke saw bioluminescent ghostly things called flit-wraiths. Caldris had seen unbelievable things out on the sea. Two of the islands’ populations were destroyed: one by fire during a war and one by some kind of monster from the jungle.
The crew notices there are no cats. Locke had forgotten them on shore. (Uh-oh!) He tells them they're shy and hiding. Caldris is tired and gets little sleep. He is pissed off that there's no cats. The crew will mutiny if they find out. They'll have to fight another ship just for the cats. (They better hope it rains cats and dogs.)
A storm is brewing. The crew ready the ship and its supplies. Locke and Jean spend rare time alone in the stern cabin. Caldris feebly knocks at the door, and has a heart attack. He dies just as the storm hits. (Double uh-oh!)
Extras
Marginalia
Parts of a ship
Ship's cats
Ship's cats in hammocks
St Corella’s fire is actually St Elmo's Fire.
Larboard used to mean left.
Navigate back here May 23 for Part 2, Chapters 8-11. Questions are in the comments.

So I tried replacing the cable for my Duakshock 2 after my cat chewed through it, and the controller rumble is now always on. As part of swapping it out I desoldered the motors and reattached them after. So, before I go mucking around myself does anyone have an idea if I either soldered the motor wires onto the wrong terminals cause I completely forgot to mark which came from where. Or if I probably caused a short in both, or if maybe I soldered to the wrong spot when attaching the new cord. For the cord there are two spots on the board that lead to the same output pin, so maybe I just chose the wrong one to solder to. Sorry if my explanations made no sense, English is my first language. Thank you

I know it’s not a big deal to most but I feel sad the way the non-paid gear looks like. Part of what made d3 so fun for me was how unique some of the gear sets looked but I feel like the gear in d4 looks so dull and lifeless compared to the shop gear. I know it’s done intentionally to incentivise buying gear in the shop but seeing how many sets they pump out per class, they could have easily added one or two cool gear sets per class.
Any thoughts?

Hello everyone, my laptop is failing, so I'm currently looking for a new PC. Could you please give me your opinions on the attached build? I've done some research, but I'm still a novice at building PCs. Are there any better value parts within a similar price range that I should consider? Or have I chosen some poor parts? I'd prefer to keep the i7 and the 4070 Super in my build. The price is in CAD. Thanks a lot!
PCPartPicker Part List

Type	Item	Price
CPU	Intel Core i7-14700KF 3.4 GHz 20-Core Processor	$526.96 @ shopRBC
CPU Cooler	Deepcool LT720 WH 85.85 CFM Liquid CPU Cooler	$129.50 @ Vuugo
Motherboard	MSI PRO Z790-P WIFI ATX LGA1700 Motherboard	$259.98 @ Amazon Canada
Memory	Corsair Vengeance 64 GB (2 x 32 GB) DDR5-5200 CL40 Memory	$219.99 @ Amazon Canada
Storage	Kingston KC3000 2.048 TB M.2-2280 PCIe 4.0 X4 NVME Solid State Drive	$194.97 @ Newegg Canada
Storage	Western Digital Blue 4 TB 3.5" 5400 RPM Internal Hard Drive	$109.99 @ Western Digital
Video Card	Asus DUAL OC GeForce RTX 4070 SUPER 12 GB Video Card	$829.99 @ Amazon Canada
Case	Fractal Design Focus 2 RGB ATX Mid Tower Case	$114.99 @ Canada Computers
Power Supply	Asus ROG LOKI 750 W 80+ Platinum Certified Fully Modular SFX Power Supply	$179.99 @ Memory Express
Operating System	Microsoft Windows 11 Home OEM - DVD 64-bit	$149.50 @ Vuugo
	Prices include shipping, taxes, rebates, and discounts
	Total	$2715.86
	Generated by PCPartPicker 2024-05-16 15:42 EDT-0400

MAP: https://www.google.com/maps/d/edit?mid=12WtXWsPDZXN8FeCHK58aVnUzGqWMvFM&usp=sharing
I like making maps and started making a “Places to Live Guide” a while back. I picked it back up and updated it as the “is this area safe?” questions have picked up.
I want to promote our region and encourage people moving here. I also understand these questions get old, hence the responses of “search the sub” and “do research.” It also frustrates me that people only ask about safety. Sure, safety is one consideration but asking only about safety seems unhelpful. This map attempts to show more things that might matter to a person picking a place to live.
I defined 79 boundaries inside 270 in St. Louis. First, anywhere outside 270 or metro east is going to be true suburbs. Second, inside 270 should be our city limits if we were like most other North American cities. I stuck to 79 areas for the 79 neighborhoods of St. Louis City.
The boundaries are not true to neighborhoods and municipalities, but rather drawn to where the rating in one of the categories may change significantly (normally cost). Most neighborhoods/munis are split across more than one boundary. I named the boundaries by the any part of the neighborhood/muni covered.
The formula for ratings: Recreation + Walkability + Transit + Safety + Character - Cost
Ratings 1-10 for each category (10 being positive except for cost where 10 is high cost thus being subtracted from the rating).
Color Key- Red: 30+ rating Orange: 25+ rating Yellow: 20+ rating Green: 15+ rating Blue: 10+ rating Purple: Below 10 rating
I collected the following data for a score that corresponds to a rating in the individual categories:
Recreation: number of bars, restaurants, shops, attractions (includes parks) within boundaries + 1 mile
Walkability: groceries within distance from various points in boundary, wide roads, conflict points, miles of bike lanes, walkable jobs within boundaries
Transit: metrolink stops, high frequency bus routes, low frequency bus routes
Safety: property and violent crime mapping since Jan 2022
Character: historic districts, business districts, diversity
Cost: random sampling of average rent cost and purchase price
Top ratings- Overall Rating: Central Downtown (#1 overall) Recreation: Midtown-Covenant Blu Grand Center (tied #4 overall) Walkability: Central West End (Hospital District) (#2 overall) Transit: Central Downtown (#1 overall) Safety: Kirkwood-Des Peres-Glendale-Oakland (tied #76 overall) Character: Benton Park-Benton Park West-Marine Villa (Cherokee St. District) (#3 overall) Cost: Wells Goodfellow-Kingsway West (tied #73 overall)
Obviously for example, I understand a place like Ladue is desirable to live but rates low. The ratings are meant to favor well-rounded/mixed areas for the masses. If someone has money and wants a big house away from things, of course Ladue would be a nice place to live. Most places that rated low had low safety or high cost, though there are a few that punched above (Downtown Clayton for example rated well). Downtown St. Louis rates well because its built environment is objectively well-rounded. But of course not everyone wants a highly mixed use area.
I then split the places into sections to help people with a starting point: -Highest Rated Overall -A Lil’ Bit of Something for Everyone -Expensive Big Homes -Bang for Your Buck -Low Rating but Low Cost
I added three good things about each place because I think every place has great people and potential. Plus, it may allow someone looking for something specific to find a place that otherwise might be overlooked.
Maybe this could be pinned or used for quick response after some tweaking and allow people to overlay properties on the map or begin their search. After all, I want people to move here and stay here because they like it.
Please give feedback on where you disagree and what might make the map more readable or helpful. If anyone knows how to add a key, I would like to add one.
As I post this, I see a “Job offer in St. Louis…everything I see ranks it most dangerous place to live…” Man, it is disheartening. I want to see us grow so badly…

Hey guys, I run a fabrication shop in west Chester area and was just wanting to get it out there if anyone needs any powder coating done. We have a big oven so we are capable of doing a large number of parts or big parts that are hard to powder coat to begin with.

I have access to Amex, US Bank, and Bank of America. Here are my thoughts:

1. Amex offers some decent offers but most are useless. For example, I got a 10% off insurance offer (capped at $20), along with 15% Internet/cable offer (can be used twice). However, the vast majority of the offers aren't for everyday spending, more like get $100 off $500 for this luxury swimsuit brand or $50 off $1000 spend for a pair of sunglasses. I'm personally a buy what I need kind of person, so most of these don't appeal to me.
   
2. Bankamerideals give nice options but are kind of a pain in the ass imo and are pretty much equivalent to a shittier version of Rakuten. I see some stuff like 2% off Home Depot, 5% off Adidas, $1 off shampoo at a grocery store. However, almost all of these require a link to use the offers, where I have activate them, then upload a receipt, or shop online in order to get the 2% off. For the most part I prefer to shop in person for the stores listed, so I'm not a big fan.
   
3. US Bank. US Bank has these "cash back offers" that usually mimic coupons, like getting 5% off at Lowe's or Five Guys or something, and they're fine. I see the same brands listed every time offers expire. HOWEVER, as a Plus tier member of US Bank (>$50k stored with them), I also get access to something called Smart Rewards. Maybe everyone with a credit card can access these, but I've been getting about 4 smart rewards offers at a time ever since I hit Plus tier, and got about 2 on average with the Primary tier ($>20k). Right now I'm getting 15% dining, 15% gas, 15% home improvement, and 10% groceries... which stacks on top of my normal earnings, giving me 19% dining, 12% groceries, and 17% gas with the Altitude Go. The cash back usually posts 2 weeks after I spend on a category and has worked flawlessly so far, I just have to activate them beforehand.
   

I've been loving US Bank the past few months, I effectively have had a 19% dining credit card for 3 months now. I got nearly $80 in one month on gas, dining, and groceries in January without even counting the credit card rewards (and I'm not a big spender, probably only about $1000 a month in non-rent expenses).
They also recently just deposited $20 in reward credit into a US Bank Cash Plus card I haven't used in a couple months for no reason. I got a personalised offer in my email to get $20 for $80 spend on that card but I never even spent $80 subsequently, so I think they have a bug in their system.
I'm not sure if other people use these offers because I don't ever hear about them. But it's goddamn badass, I love US Bank. While I recently created a Fidelity brokerage and Merrill Edge account, I don't think I'll stop using US Bank as a secondary investment platform. These merchant offers are just too good.
What are Citibank or Chase offers like, what's the best ones you've gotten? Does anyone like Bankamerideals? I've only had my Amex account for a month or so, so what other kinds of general offers does Amex give out outside of insurance and Internet?
I'm also curious about people who use Citibank Shop Your Way. I hear good things about it, but when I hear of their offers the spending requirement seems to be too high for me, like $200 back for $3000 spent in a month. Do you guys ever get offers for less spend, like $500 in a month?

Hi, I bought a Pinter in a charity shop today and I can’t get the base to connect properly while in the main body. I can get the lid part to screw in to the main body and with some difficulty I can get the lid part to attach to the base but not all 3 together. Am I doing something wrong or is it just faulty? What I’m really asking is has anyone had a similar problem and managed to get past it? I realise this sub isn’t all that busy but hopefully someone has an idea as they no longer make replacement parts.

Apenas contar um causo que me traumatizou...
Essa amiga fazia parte do meu grupinho de melhores amigas da facul... Super querida, tínhamos certa intimidade, mas era apenas colega de turma, enfim...
E um dia ela me convidou pra gente se encontrar no shopping, pra tomar um suco... E super tínhamos intimidade pra isso... não estranhei... tipo, várias vezes já encontrei outras amigas do grupo, fui fazer compras com elas, tomar café, ir ao bar e tal...normal.
Tomamos nosso suco, jogamos conversa fora... Daí antes de a gente se despedir, ela simplesmente me agarrou e me deu um beijo na boca forçado! 😱 Eu não esperava, fiquei em choque!!!!
Depois ela se declarou por mensagem... dizendo que enquanto estava em trabalho de parto (meses atrás), ela pensava em mim... 😬 Ela disse que nesse momento tão importante da vida dela, ela não conseguia parar de pensar em mim. Insinuando que o sonho dela seria que o filho fosse meu, ou que eu assumisse a criança. 😬😬😬
Eu não sabia o que responder... fiquei chocado!!! Não respondi. Quando a reencontrei, agi como se nada tivesse acontecido. Um tempo depois ela me mandou a mensagem:
"V@DO! FILHO DA P#T@!" 😬😂
Alguém já se declarou pra vocês ou vice-versa e foi algo desconcertante?

Introduction
Someone reading this book may wonder what sort of audience is being targeted here. They may also be confused as to what the endgame is behind such a book. The aim of this book is to parallel the different religious & mystic traditions & connect them to the tropes that we find near death experiences propagate. They often are reconnecting us with what ancient texts have said but in the modern secular world where materialism is the norm we have become numb to the meanings & impact behind such text. These texts are often considered archaic & primitive. Unable to contribute much to the modern world they may only be useful in prayer chants.
Thus I aim here to revitalise the spirit of these traditions and connect them to what many call the modern day scriptures. The study of near death experiences, neuroscience, consciousness & other paranormal phenomena.
The endgame of the mystic is to connect, achieve union, knowledge and self growth. Thus by approaching all these texts and the various evolving thought that emerged from it, we can explore the parallels and connections that bridge the gap between traditions. The beauty of mysticism and perennial philosophy is the freedom it offers in interpretation.
This book doesn't focus on the question of whether scriptures are divinely inspired, man made tools written for sociological and political agendas or some sort of corrupted divinity. That discussion is a debate that will never end. Rather the focus here is on the possible wisdom & theological beliefs which parallel and mesh together well in forming a higher meaning & connection to the divine. Whether it be a higher power, an all pervading source or a metaphysical truth. You aren’t required to literally believe the divinity of these texts. A simple level of curiosity & intrigue is sufficient.
However one may contend that it is easy to parallel traditions when they are in harmony but when they differ they directly contradict rendering these connections meaningless and superficial. Therein lies the limitations of this book. Therefore the following concepts won’t be discussed in here. These are mainly :

• Unverifiable supernatural claims such as ancient miracles for instance Moses parting the sea, Jesus walking on water, resurrecting etc. For someone expecting this book to be a source of evidence for a specific religion it unfortunately won’t be. However there are multiple correlations and connections and these may act as subtle signs of evidence for a specific faith or multiple of them.
  
• Reconciling contradictions between belief systems and scriptures. For example whether the Divine is a trinity or a unity. Whether a certain sage was superior to another. For instance comparing the personality of Jesus with Muhammad, whether the Bible is morally perfect or not & a plethora of other beliefs that may not agree with one another. The book simply assumes they all are imperfect systems.
  
• The scientific debate on whether NDEs are classified as hallucinations or genuine supernatural occurrences. Whilst an interesting topic in itself, it is out of the scope of this book with many other books discussing the science behind ndes. However when necessary nde claims will be contrasted with naturalistic explanations.
  

The primary focus is in following a don't throw the baby out with the bathwater approach. Some may also contend that this book follows a shopping cart style of cherrypicking from texts and discarding beliefs from texts one subjectively finds inappropriate. To this I would simply say that the approach here is one of finding the parallels that align well together and acknowledging when a belief doesn't align well. Not necessarily a pick and choose system. An approach I would call the rational mystic.
The rational mystic is one who is simply open to what may be beyond their senses. They may be mystically inclined, fascinated and open to the plethora of supernatural ideas. However they will not blindly believe any and all beliefs. They will discern using rational faculties what of mysticism is most compatible with reality, what the data or evidence shows & what is more probable than not. I believe people of all beliefs or no beliefs can fit this definition. Whether you identify by a religion, as spiritual but not religious, non religious, atheist, deist or agnostic. Thus a skeptic or believer may able to gain an appreciation for these belief systems.
This book dives into the verses and parallels of ancient texts such as the Old Testament, Gospels, Quran, Hadith, Bhagwad Gita, Dhammapada, Tao Te Ching & Gathas of Zoroaster. Other older parallels such as from Vedic India, Ancient Egypt, Greece & Mesopotamia may be referenced.
Alongside that are the testimonies of NDEs and how they may parallel or differ to these texts. This book also attempts to provide commentary on major philosophical themes & elaborate on various exegesis, mystical traditions such as Kaballah, Sufism, Advaita Vedanta, Neoplatonism & Chinese thought. Since mysticism is ultimately about experience it relevant and useful to enhance these discussions by contrasts to various scientific ideas, philosophy & pop culture.
NDE Filter Methodology
One of the problems with ndes is the fact that they are subjective experiences which we cannot objectively verify or replicate. This makes them a weaker form of evidence compared to empirical studies which can replicate the results. These present a challenge. An individual nde may therefore be subject to embellishment, fabrications & delusions. Therefore in picking our choice of NDEs here we can only look at ndes as a whole in terms of statistical patterns that form. This is the methodology used in NDE literature by various academics including neuroscientists & philosophers researching the phenomenon.
To elaborate we therefore will discard testimonies that appear embellished with fantastical details. These fantastical details may also be subjective from person to person. Calling an otherworldly journey fantastical is simply irony. However in following the certain patterns that appear cross culturally in ndes it is much easier to identify reports that are considered fantastical. The following tropes appear the most across multiple nde studies.

• Out of Body Experience
• Tunnel of Light
• Meeting deceased relatives or unknown beings
• Perceiving a highly luminous pervading light
• Feelings of absolute peace, comfort & love
• Arriving at an otherworldly place ie a meadow, garden etc.
• Life Review
• Border of no return
• Pluralistic message about love & wisdom

There are of course other concepts that ndes reference which appear from time to time. These allow ndes to be flexible and not rigid experiences. After all no two nde experiences are the same. However using these motifs listed we can filter through unreliable ndes. These include

• NDE reports that are highly coloured with religious fundamentalist tropes particularly tropes promoting an exclusivist attitude to religion.
• NDEs that appear too detailed, fantastical & unrestricted appearing more like a science fiction or fantasy novel. For example nde claims of multiple lives on other planets or large scale prophecies & apocalyptic predictions & generally things that differ wildly from the core themes
• NDEs that talk too much about one specific spiritual concept, portraying themselves as special, prophets or mediums turning their nde into a narcissistic or monetary agenda through spiritual coaching, multiple books etc.

Finally one may say that the chapters of this book attempt to hint at the veracity of a religion & this book is a subtle attempt to proselytize that faith. I will reiterate that this book isnt trying to prove any specific religion. There may be subtle signs from one faith that fit better with the nde phenomenon than others. The following theories I would say explain these subtle signs. I leave it up to the reader to decide what they feel is the best explanation.

• Universal Divine Theory : This is the idea that prophets, mystics & sages from different cultures have been inspired through revelation from the same source & this explains the shared insights of a religion & ndes.
  
• Mystic Wisdom Theory : This simply means that certain religious writers and founders were simply wise spiritual men, mystically inclined honing on their intuition & knowledge.
  
• Intertextuality Theory : Each new religious founder simply built of older religious ideas assimilating it into their theologies.
  

Whilst these theories may suggest a subtle spark of corresponding truths, generally NDEs dont explicitly point to any religion. Some say its simply the case that a Christian will see Jesus, a Muslim will see Allah, A Jew sees Yahweh & a Hindu sees Krishna. This of course is not entirely true. The portion of ndes that claim to see Jesus form a minority & interestingly they too dont point at specific doctrines. NDE experiencers may simply describe a sentient light they perceive to be God. This being doesnt tell anybody that I am Yahweh or Allah. Experiencers will say that religious texts fall short of describing this being. It is beyond what people are taught in religion.
Those who are familiar with NDE reports and studies will know that NDEs tend to be very religion agnostic and at best subtly imply a religious correlation but rarely do we find massive amounts of nde reports cross culturally presenting exclusivist dogmas such as follow holy book x or you will burn, believe Jesus died for your sin or you will burn for eternity. When an nde does present this its seen as a red flag since this doesn't occur with the majority of other ndes. The most we have are subtle religious correlations. However NDEs do present us with certain philosophical dilemmas when it comes to religion.

• If NDEs are vague about religion how are we to interpret these religions ? Are we to see them as man made socio-cultural constructs ? Are we to see them as inspired by God but limited to their time ? Are we to see them as partially divine partially man made scriptures ?
  
• If NDEs prove that religions are man made we must ask what purpose the creator has behind the nde. If the creator has allowed man made cultures to negatively influence and control the world throughout history and has not intervened or communicated with humanity one must wonder what point there is in a nde being a message in the 21st century. So on one hand the NDE presents us with a deistic God who doesnt intervene and let false religions begin and on the other hand the God of the NDE seems very personal, involved in human lives, keeps tracks, feels love and joy for humans etc
  
• If one, many or all religions are truly divinely inspired why do NDES never directly point to this ? NDEs seem more concerned in lessons but not in pointing people to a religion.
  

Some may ask what difference does it make that it doesnt point to a religion. if anything NDEs show us that God is far beyond the narrow confines of religions. It makes an immense difference when we factor the fact that religions have influenced entire cultures and civilisations in good and bad ways. Religions have been used to wage war, cause destruction, control the masses, brainwash, confuse and build fear into the human subconscious. And on the good side religions have given hope to the world that suffering isnt in vain, that life has meaning & that justice and ultimate happiness exists.
For alot of people the need to connect to the transcendental is insatiable and religion provides a whole structure of beliefs that one can organise themselves on. For some this is very restricting and enforces a cultural dogma on to everyone. They may prefer a shopping cart version of religion where they take whats good for them and discard what they disagree on. For others they prefer to deny all religious concepts as dogma and cultural beliefs. One could argue that humans need the cultural clothing of customs and traditions to keep their lives going, something which they can use to relate with to the divine. Not everyone can believe in an abstract deity that they cannot conceive of in the absence of symbols such as scriptures.
Religious texts provide at the very least a gateway to which one can relate through stories of heroes, morals and metaphors of the divine. Of course none of this leads us to whether said divine being has revealed these texts, whether they are inspired but corrupted by man or fully man made. These symbols act as aids in feeling like we have a piece of the divine soul with us thus giving comfort and hope. Thus whilst some have no need for religions, for the masses religions have immense value.
So why dont NDEs prove religion ?
There are no clear answers to this (unless somebody has an nde and asks whoever they speak with to tell them in specifics what religion is from God and whats not) all we can do is speculate. The ndes that do ask or do mention a scripture are so few that we cannot form any conclusion on this.

• The simplest answer is that all religions are man made for good or bad intentions but this would of course lead us to the philosophical deist dilemma.
• Perhaps the NDEs message focuses on the lessons and ideals itself and sees scriptures and religions as redundant (even if there is a divine hand behind some) After all these are mainly symbols and cannot compare to a direct mystical experience (something fundamentalists struggle with)
• Perhaps an attempt to promote any specific faith would lead to an assumption that the nde message is about exclusivist salvation and leading to the worship of scriptures/religions (something fundamentalists struggle with)
• Perhaps this proves that religions are limited to their century and context and that we should only look to them for the universal timeless message they offer not the specifics. After all all major scriptures teach the core values that NDEs have revitalised ie love, mercy, kindness etc

Do NDEs support materialism or not ?
While the aim of this book isnt to debate the afterlife or brain hypothesis, I will say that at the time of this being written, my view on ndes is to say that I consider them a plausible source of evidence towards consciousness surviving death & the afterlife existing. This view of mine may change in time towards either side. The following are some reasons I would argue for them being plausible.
1 Veridical NDEs : Numerous NDES report out of body experiences including witnessing of events in an environment when this should not be possible. More than 100+ veridical cases have been documented. Not to mention veridical cases from across different countries which further strengthens the case. We would have to be radically skeptical to consider all of these testimonies fabricated.
2 Lucid narrative : NDERS experience a highly lucid narrative that usually doesn't end in the middle or chaotically unlike dreams or hallucinations. Their ndes tend to be structured with a beginning, middle and end where they are either told, know or are sucked back into the body. This is quite a strange experience compared to delirium, delusions, hallucinations etc.
3 Deceased Relatives : Most NDES claim to see deceased relatives rather than alive people supporting the afterlife hypothesis. We should expect a mixed cocktail of alive & deceased people appearing in ndes if this was a case of dreams or hallucinations. The population that do claim to see a mixed group of alive and deceased is quite a small proportion of total ndes.
4 Intuitive Reality : NDERS are very convinced that they are in a hyper real reality that makes this world seem black and white, like a dream/illusion as some would say. They are intuitively convinced they are in something real the way we might be talking in person, as opposed to it being just a dream. In one study its believed that nders brain recollect their nde as if it's a real world memory.
5 ESP claims : NDERS may perceive no time at all, may experience a life review such that they can feel the feelings of others and recall memories long forgotten. They may feel like they intuitively know things without needing to learn. Some may report greater vision and detail than waking life, ability to hear thoughts, instantaneously appear, be in two places at once or pass through solid walls.
5 Religious Expectations : NDES often may contradict the beliefs of many Christians, Atheists and Muslims who have varying beliefs about the afterlife. Some may be surprised to experience the things they see & are particularly surprised at the ESP abilities as these are not predicted by religions. Particularly interesting are religious conservative ndes with more exclusivist beliefs who are surprised and end up becoming more pluralist and liberal.
6 Clinical Death Scenario : The best NDE studies focus on scenarios whereby the person undergoes cardiac arrest and thus clinical death. At this time a person has no heartbeat, no breathing, dilated pupils, no light reflex, no gag reflex and EEG reading of little to no brain activity. This is consistent with unconsciousness as no blood and oxygen can fully reach the brain. Furthermore the fact that most undergoing clinical death dont report any experiences means NDEs are odd occurrences & consciousness should not occur.
7 Transformation : NDERS often are transformed in their beliefs with less to no fear of death, detachment from the material, more interest in altruism and spirituality and are impacted by their NDE for decades, remembering it far more than a hallucination or dream. They see it as the most important experience of their life.
8 Double edged sword : The fact that not everyone has an nde may support the idea of nde being more than brain activity. After all if the nde simply was some evolutionary dying mechanism we would expect everybody to have one. This point could also support naturalistic hypothesis (See below)
However there is still uncertainty regarding the nde phenomenon and further data, & studies are required to build a case that is greater than just plausible. These are some opposing reasons to consider doubt in them valid
1 Embellishment : NDEs are unverifiable and therefore we cannot verify which ndes are authentic or which ndes are embellished over time with the nders own thoughts, interpretations or exaggerations. This makes it easier for fabrications and frauds to claim an nde experience.
2 Brain Activity : Since NDES happen during clinical death or unconscious states where a persons brain can be returned to living we cannot be sure that there isnt some deeper brain activity that causes an nde. We also cant be sure than an nde isnt happening in the window where cerebral blood flow hasnt ceased or in the window where CPR leads back to cerebral blood flow. EEG machines also have certain limitations such that they cannot detect deeper brain regions due to the skulls electrical resistance. EEG spikes may occur due to muscle twitches & electrical noise which can often make it harder to differentiate whether this is due to the NDE or not.
3 Cultural/Religious Contradictions : If we keep an open mind, its entirely possible that a Western nde could see Jesus, an Indian nde see Buddha or an Indian nde see Jesus & a Western nde see Buddha. It seems this can be reconciled by the idea that ndes are customized to fit what comforts people subconsciously. Japanese NDEs for example see a bridge/river symbolizing journey to another world, Westerners a portal/tunnel. Westerners relate best to Jesus, Easterners to other figures. However some ndes provide conflicting metaphysical views. This can be an issue with some ndes if nde 1 says they were told to keep reincarnating until they reach nirvana, nde 2 says something more fitting to abrahamic faith. nde 3 says hell doesnt exist and nde 4 says they saw hell realms.
4 Double edged Sword : This point can be argued for ndes (See above) but also against ndes. Only a small percentage 10-20% of those under cardiac arrest are said to have experienced an nde. This point leaves questions as to why aren't all people experiencing an nde. Should we not expect a larger proportion say more than half of people to experience an nde ? If there is a realm beyond the material should we not expect every person to experience an nde. A low proportion may mean that the nde is some sort of brain anomaly. We only have speculations as to why all dont get an nde.
5 Future Science : Current materialistic explanations may be inadequate to explain ndes but this doesnt mean that future understanding of the brain may not yield a new theory/explanation that explains it away. Thus it remains a potential argument.
All of these points are worthy discussions on their own and can be found in various other valuable books. The above points are simply a valuable framework by which the reader may be able to take away what they value out of this book. Everything written is simply my own research into the subject & I always advise people to take it with a grain of salt unless it makes rational sense to you & appeals to your intuition.
Diving into the depths
Spirituality & mysticism can be thought of as two sides of the same coin with philosophy the ring that runs the circumference of the coin. While spirituality deals with the human aspects such as soul, spirit, ego, morality & purpose, mysticism deals with the divine aspects of things such as essences, attributes, metaphors, realities, realms, entities, space, time, substances etc. We aim to dive into the following themes in this book.
The Divine Source : Everything relevant to defining the higher power & source of existence including essences & attributes.

Consciousness & Spirit : Everything relevant to the nature of consciousness, qualia, perceptions, the spirit & soul.
Reality : Everything relevant to the nature of perception, illusion, concepts, space, time, substances, modes, forms & realities.
Spirituality & Purpose : Everything relevant to the nature of human meaning, objectives, purpose & suffering.
Morality : Everything relevant to values, ideals, ethics & morals.
Knowledge & Truth : Everything relevant to the nature of seeking truth, seeking knowledge & attaining wisdom. These include concepts such as beliefs, truths, axioms, speculations, nature of inspirations & revelations.
Awakening & Dark night of Soul : Everything relevant to the nature of materialism, spiritual awakening, seeking inner peace, anxieties, depression, remorse, angst & layers of the psyche.
Divine Sorrow : Everything relevant to the nature of the eschatological souls corruption, redemption, purification, punishment, divine justice & mercy including modes & forms.
Divine Bliss : Everything relevant to the nature of the souls destiny, ultimate peace, happiness, bliss & divine love including modes & forms.

Hi FJ community!
I'm here with a couple of questions because sadly I need to sell my FJ, but I have some questions about what it might be worth given its condition.
For context, the car was my late father's that I inherited, and while I love the car so much it no longer its my lifestyle or budget considering the amount of work it needs to pass inspection this year. I've never bought or sold a car before, let alone one that people constantly tell me is "worth something" or "a collector's item" and I don't know how real that is / don't want to be duped out of money that might be on the table. It was my dad's favorite thing and it's hard to finally part with it, so I just know he'd want me to be smart about this. Any advice y'all could give me from the perspective of FJ lovers / FJ owners would be much appreciated!
Specs are down below for specifics but the long story short is that the car has frame rust damage that I don't want to pay to weld considering I don't drive the car much anymore. Google is telling me that to sell a vehicle that isn't passing inspection, I should post it on Craigslist as "a non road worthy vehicle" and essentially part with it for parts, but I'm concerned about pricing it wrong or doing that if there's a better way.
Given the specs below, does anyone have a gut feeling about how much this should be selling for? If it's not much, that's okay, but I could really use the money and don't want to make a mistake here. Also if anyone has any tips for selling a car in this condition, I'd appreciate the advice! Without my dad I'm flying blind with Google and there's a lot of conflicting info out there.
Specs:
Model: 2007 FJ, maroon with white top and roof rack Mileage: At/around 215,000, it's at the shop so I don't recall the exact number Interior Condition: Decent but could use detail cleaning, no actual 'damage' past normal wear and tear Normal Maintenance Needs: Likely needs some new brakes, rotors I'm not sure of Exterior Condition: Dented back bumper, but not significant just on one corner. The rest of the car body is fine, but the real damage is to the frame which has "significant" rust. I got one section welded and patched last year that got me through, but the mechanics tell me sections of the back bumper area are "rusted out" as well as part of the frame towards the front of the car. They said it's something that could "probably be welded" but at this point would probably cost more than I want to pay considering I drive the car maybe twice a month since moving to a city. (I do take the car out weekly to get things moving, but as far as real / highway drive time that's 2x a month now)
Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read and respond, I appreciate it!
tldr; Need to sell a 2007 FJ with frame rust damage and high mileage but not sure how to go about pricing that or doing that.... any advice welcome!

I'm sure many of you have come across "trad-wife" content at some point or another online. I've been fed this content more and more lately, which had me thinking about what this "trend" means for mothers and families, and what impact it has overall for the mothers who are still "in the trenches" today. Whether it's a trend you participate in, or one you roll your eyes at, I think for the most part, it garners an emotional response from women, especially mothers, in either a positive or negative light. I also want to make it clear that "trad-wives" and SAHM are NOT the same thing at all, and should not ever be used interchangeably. These are two completely different things. A SAHM is still a working independent woman whos job inside of the home to be viewed equally as important as any work outside of the home.
I fall under the category of someone who is triggered by "trad-wife" content and generally have a pretty negative, critical response every time I run into it. But today, as I came across a video of yet another "trad-wife" influencer, who was defending her lifestyle, and call to "traditional" ways, I decided to stop and actually take a minute and be honest with what emotion I was really feeling when I come across this content. It isn't actually rage, disappointment or fear, like I tell myself it is. It's jealousy.
EDIT/CLARIFICATION I was at first jealous of their ability to stay at home with their children and homestead. I was lulled into the ASMR aspect of this “homesteading” lifestyle, and as someone who loves to garden and bake, and has no joy in their career, I was initially jealous of their ability to do all this in such a glamorous, aesthetically pleasing way—however, the jealousy ended really fast the minute I heard them describing themselves as being “subservient” to their husbands and calling to “traditional feminine roles” and realised this was brainwashing…then I became worried. It was so easy for me to get distracted by watching the pretty fields with chickens from my cubicle office, that I missed that these women believed themselves lesser than their husbands. 😬
The truth is, my first reaction is jealousy and a sense of inadequacy that feeds off of my deepest insecurities as a mother. Jealousy for the mothers that can stay at home all day with their children, who can clean, bake, garden and cook with their little ones at their side. And as someone who is a working mum, but not by choice, I feel jealous of the extra time these women can spend with their children during these short pre-school years. I feel inadequate because I secretly fear I am failing as a mother by choosing a double income, over the financial insecurity of a one-income household. Inadequate because my house is a mess and I'm burned out from work from a job I hate by the time I get home, that I worry my children aren't getting the best version of me.
After the initial emotional response of jealousy, my logical brain kicks in and reminds myself that this lifestyle they are showcasing isn't reality. Most SAHM's aren't baking sourdough on homesteads all day. They aren't showing the 3AM wakeups or the teething drama. This isn't an accurate representation of motherhood for 95% of us. This leads me to my next emotional response, which is to then to substitute jealousy for criticism. I begin to list all the ways their lifestyle is flawed, naive and unsustainable to give myself some false sense of superiority to these women who are essentially just cosplaying.
I'm sure this reaction isn't uncommon. I feel it's a natural response for people to substitute the emotion of jealousy with criticism to justify their own lifestyles and choices that feel attacked. You could argue that the "trad-wife" movement is just that--a way for some SAHM's who may feel the need to justify their lifestyle and choices of not be in the work force, when surrounded by a world that places outside work in higher esteem than domestic work.
However, I would like to clarify that just because I initially felt jealous when watching this content, doesn't mean I wish I was a "trad-wife". I find the entire concept to be just as toxic as the "hustle"/"girl boss" culture they are fighting against. Not to mention, a completely misinformed and myopic view of what a "traditional" wife or family looked/looks like throughout the world. The "traditional" wife they are cosplaying as is just ONE example of a historic "traditional" family and a woman/mothers role within one. Yes, women have always been charged with domestic duties and childrearing. The home has always been where women have traditionally been taught to focus on, however, women have also ALWAYS worked outside of the home too—either on farms, factories or kitchens (etc). And women have ALWAYS outsourced childrearing to either a nanny or governess (if wealthy) or they had their eldest kids stay home and look after the younger ones. Working mothers, and hired childcare are not new concepts to the female history.
But, I do see how this trend came about. It’s an allergic reaction to the extreme push for women to get out of the homes and into the workforce. To climb the corporate ladder while breastfeeding. To pity the girl with the college degree and spit up stains on her shirt at home with unused potential. To take “equal rights” so literally we act like a man’s life or parental journey is identical to our own. Ignoring our monthly hormonal fluctuations and pretend we're fine to sit through that 2 hour meeting while popping Midol. That we add more value to society as another cog in a machine sitting in a cubicle, then managing your home and family, because that's just "sitting at home" all day, right? And maternity leave is really such an inconvenience…
Looking at both extremes, I found it funny how both sides share the same core issues/beliefs which do nothing but hold mothers, and families on both ends of the spectrum back. This is what I found were the major issues in the perception of motherhood at both extremes, when I took a step back and away from my own biases as a working mother.

1. We need to recognise that both lifestyles come with the enormous privilege many women don't have-- The ability to live off of one income is a privilege just like having enough money for childcare or family support is a privilege. For many, our family set up wasn’t a choice, it’s a necessity. The reasons to be or not to be a SAHM are not always a choice or preference. A lot of times these are hard decisions that include major sacrifices. Before you judge either lifestyle, acknowledge the privilege you might have in the CHOICE to follow either life path. A woman who HAS to work to keep her family fed, even if all she could afford were Poptarts for breakfast, is just as good of a mum as the one who made fresh sourdough that morning. The mum who has to go back to school shopping at the second hand store, and mend hand me downs to dress her kids on one income is just as good of a mum as the corporate baddie who bought her kids the trendy shoes their kid asked for. Both kids are fed, both kids are dressed, both kids are loved.
2. No matter what they say, we all love our kids, and how they turnout does NOT come down to your choice to work in or outside the home -- At the end of the day, I don’t think kids of working mums turn out much differently than kids of SAHM. I think we all know personal examples of rotten kids or adults with both types of mothers. Neither dictates your relationship with your child. As kids get older, they naturally drift away from us. The truth is we may mess up in ways we didn’t even consider. Our kids may always blame us for being overbearing by not having a life outside of the home. Or resent us for never being around because of work. Bad/toxic mothers can be found both in the home or the work force. Just think back to how the adults in our lives talk about their mothers--sometimes it was "mum had 6 kids at home, but she somehow managed to keep us all fed and cared for", or "mum had to work a full day cleaning houses, but she'd always make sure we read a book together after work". All mothers make sacrifices, no matter what type of sacrifice it is. Our kids aren't going to love or resent us for our choices to work or stay at home, but how we show up for them. Don't underestimate our children's ability to recognise our sacrifices on either end.
3. Full time domestic work and homemaking is a real full time job that hold just as much value as working outside of the home and should be treated and respected as such.-- Childcare is a full time job. Full time nanny's and daycares prove that. Homemaking is a full time job. We hire cleaners, interior designers and household staffs that prove it. Cooking, is a full time job. We hire chefs and nutritionists that prove it. So, when a woman is a SAHM does one (or more likely) all of the above jobs for her family, it’s given lesser value or consideration than someone who works outside the home? You hear “I like to get dinner ready and the house clean for my husband who worked all day he deserves to relax when he gets home”, as if you sat around watching tv all day? Just because you enjoy it, or it’s for your own benefit doesn’t make it any less of a real fulltime job. You deserve sick days and breaks throughout the day like any corporate job would...except you never actually get them. The person bringing in a paycheck doesn’t contribute a greater value to your family than you. And same goes for working mums—you already have one full time job, don’t discredit the work left at home as just “chores” that you additionally take on as “lesser value” expected tasks. If two people work outside of the home then two people need to be responsible for domestic work. These are full time jobs. Spouses cutting the grass and taking out the trash is not equivalent to cooking, childcare and cleaning. We need to stop ignoring the home in the overall picture of a healthy family life. We all need a safe place to live that is clean, we all need to eat nutritious food, and our children NEED someone to look after them. These things have a real invaluable place in society. As a working mum, I'm finding more and more how hard it is to bridge that gap, to manage two workplaces essentially, the home AND the outside work. All attention and focus goes to work outside of the home, but the home life doesn't just sustain itself. We are neglecting the importance of our domestic life in favour of the outside working life. This goes for both working mums and SAHM's. We need to stop ignoring that piece of the puzzle if we want to create the complete picture. As it stands now, most working mums cannot afford help in the home which is effecting our mental and physical health--SAHM's don't get any sort of financial nest eggs or assistance at basically working for free, which makes them more vulnerable to abuse.
4. Men need to be included in the domestic work in a way that sets them up for success. You are doing your family or spouse more harm than good by taking it all on yourself. -- By not giving dads a real opportunity to be involved in domestic duties you are depriving them and the children the full depth of a parent child bond and perpetuating that domestic life isn’t as valuable as outside work, or that domestic work is strictly a "woman's" domain. If you are a SAHM, and your job is to care for the house and kids, you just worked a full 8 hour day, just like your spouse. Because you stayed at home all day, most likely the basic chores have been done (though, kids are wild and even things like unloading a dishwasher can't be tackled), and maybe dinner is cooking. That alone is taking so much off of your spouses plate. Every family situation is different, every work situation is different, however, both you and your spouse are entitled to decompress a little after a full day. Dads need to be incorporated into the childcare aspect at the very least when they come home. Maybe since you spent all day with the kids, your husband gives them a bath and puts them to bed. Or, if you are a dual income house, maybe you split the bedtime duties, giving you the chance to spend SOME time with your children, after being gone all day--and just "play time" alone isn't enough or fair. I think a big way we fall down in including men into the domestic responsibilities, is for the same reason working mothers are struggling. The workforce was never set up with women or mothers in mind, and homemaking was never set up with men in mind. Now, some people will use this as an excuse to perpetuate that it shows that "a woman's place is at home", but studies have shown that over and over again, that fathers who are more involved at home make happier, more successful children. Children gain an enormous value from having fathers be just as involved in their upbringing as the mothers. And, I argue that men also gain just as much value from this. My husband is an equal partner in childrearing, and I'm in awe to see how much he has completely flourished and grown in this role. The truth is, most of us don't find fulfillment in our jobs. It's a paycheck. But a lot of us do find fulfillment in parenting. But to my point, we aren't setting men up to be successful in these roles, because men don't always think or approach things the same way as women. How many times have we had arguments with our partners because they ignored a mess, or didn't clean/do something properly, or we had to "nag" them to follow up on a chore...I know I have. But then I decided to take a step back and change my perspective on the home and family, and look at it as almost a military or corporate environment. Women don't thrive on deadlines and assigned tasks. We are better able to multitask, switch gears. To be too hyperfocused on one thing doesn't work so well when you have so many jobs to tackle at once. But men seem to work better with structure and direction. I feel like women see the big picture, and can zoom in from there, but men need to break things into smaller tasks before they can see the bigger picture. When a man retorts with "I'm not a mind reader", they are being just as dismissive to your needs and views as you would be by saying "you should just know". The truth is we are different. We were raised different, our brains function differently...but, I've found my partner excels in the household if he is given clear directions and expectations within the household. If instead of viewing it as two separate worlds, work and home, I approach it as equal sectors of one unit. Like how accounting is just as valuable to a corporation as their sales team. We are all operating for one goal, and one greater good. If your partner works outside the home, and you stay at home, then you need to view yourself as the manager of the home and delegate accordingly. How can you help your partner in their work day, and how can they help you in yours? You are on the same team. If you both work outside of the home, then you both need to take equal responsibility for the domestic work. You are both managers of the home, how can you support each other? What does one person do better than the other? Being passive aggressive because your spouse doesn't naturally see what needs to be done like you do, doesn't help anyone. Your spouse becomes defensive, and never learns, and feels out of place in home where you have inserted yourself as manager instead of an equal partner.
5. Other people’s choices don’t discredit yours no matter what they say. -- Everything seems to be a targeted attack these days. People can’t seem to live in a way that makes them happy without you feeling threatened by it. If a woman is happiest at home catering to their husbands whims, that has no effect on your choice to be a stay at home dad. One is not a threat to the other unless you begin to feel superior to another. That the way you choose to live your life is so superior you want to control the narrative and influence personal choices of others in your life by attacking someone else to lift yourself up. I can’t help but ask myself who is benefiting from staging us against each others? Definitely not the mothers. Lumping one group as “those people” keep us divided. Each side more extreme in their POV echoed by peers and targeted social media. We have been fed that it's an "us" versus "them" issue. That one side is pushing us back into the stone age, and undoing all the progress we have made in the feminist movement. The other side feels attacked for finding joy and value in living a life at home and as a mother, that society has stopped valuing their contribution...really, society as a whole hasn't changed much in the past 40 years. The workforce has more working mothers than ever before, but work culture and regulations have not changed to accommodate that. We have to change to accommodate them. SAHM's have always existed, but we have not elevated their status to show the equal contribution they have in our society. In the end, society is still just exploiting women. A capitalistic profit driven society benefits more from more people in the workforce. I think we are all angry at the same thing, a lack of choice and a lack of respect. Women fought hard to enter the workforce and gain independence and equal rights so that we could have the CHOICE of what our life would look like. But are choices are still being under attack. Being a SAHM or a working mum is no longer a choice for a lot of us. We are being goaded into believing one is more valuable than the other, and that's just not true. If you find peace and fulfillment at home, that doesn't make you any less educated or independent of a woman. And if you love your career and thrive in your work, that doesn't make you any less feminine (because apparently we can't be feminine and work anymore according to some...) or as good of a mother. We are humans and multifaceted and cannot and should not be defined by one singular role.

This ended up being some sort of weird feminist manifesto, which isn't want I intended, but I guess I had a lot to say on the subject. I suppose I'm just scared at how well social media has gotten at dividing us. Social media isn't inherently good or bad, it's a tool for connection, but now even mothers are being pitted against each other. We all know it takes a village to raise a family, but we've pitted the village against each other. We are too busy claiming we are "under attack" from our peers, when we're just puppets--they want us to feel "triggered", and I'm glad. Because now I'm triggered, but it's not at the "trad wife" who is harkening back to a world that never existed, but at the people who are instigating this. Who are filling women's heads with this nonsense, and trying to box up our "values" or what "femininity" means...what it means to be a woman and mother. Because being a woman and mother has meant a lot of different things throughout history. We control our own narratives. We need to stop insinuating that our way is the "right" way, or that society is faltering because women are no longer "feminine" or because women want to go back to staying at home. All of this is "right", all of this is "feminine". Being a woman can mean whatever you want it to mean, and being a mother just means loving your kids and doing your best everyday.
***NOTES: I know this was a very hetero/cis centric post that focused a lot of perceived gender norms that excludes the same-sex or trans families...even single mothers. It was written as a reaction to a "trad wife" trend that is extremely hetero/cis centric, so my reaction to it is from this perspective as a hetero/cis mother. However, I know these values and views totally effect all families no matter what they look like. So, I just wanted to put it out there that I see you, and would love to hear your voice on this as well.
Also, a lot of sweeping generalities in here as well. These are broad sweeping statements and generalisations based on societies general assumptions about genders and family life. Right, wrong or myopic, it's what we live in. My point in all this IS that every family and every person is unique, and that we can't keep functioning under the assumption that there is only one way or one family dynamic out there.