So I'm 15 (Female) and recently (By this I mean a good 4-5 months) I've been in two relationships that have really caused me to question my sexuality, Up until then I thought I was straight. Me being queer in any shape or form didn't really seem to be an option, I always just assumed that one day I'd start being attracted to people and wanting to have sex and be super touchy. My issue is I've always been told that its like a switch in your brain that makes you want to have sex and be all PDA 24/7. I don't think I've ever wanted to kiss someone or have sex with someone and I don't know how to feel about that? The first boy I dated asked me to a dance and we 'dated' for three weeks, I ended up breaking it off because I didn't feel anything. I was indifferent and didn't care, we went on a date and he tried to make out with me and it really freaked me out and made me feel super grossed out and disgusted. (which sounds really bad to say out loud) But I ended up breaking up with him because he kept being all attached and trying to hug and touch me all the time and I just didn't want to do it anymore and I felt bad because he kept being super weird and told me he loved me and I was indifferent and it was a 3 week relationship and he spread rumors about me afterwards for 6 weeks until I snapped and told his mom. So I was like oh maybe its that great intj intuition, yay it was a gut feeling, that's why everything was awful. So then I move on and stuff start talking to a guy, and I don't want to do anything sexual or really touch him (this is a guy whose in the grade ahead of me and who I've known vaguely since 5th grade even though we never really talked he seemed pretty funny) I don't really know what makes you have a crush on someone, like what do you mean you had a crush on Aladin, I think he's someone I'd like to hangout with and be around but like why would I want to kiss or touch him? So anyways we're currently together but I wouldn't care if he called and told me he wanted to break up? And to be honest i'd much rather be around my best friend? and I'm ok with touching and holding hands with her and stuff and I love her to death and I'd be totally chill with marrying her but I don't want to have sex with her and I don't know if that means im in love with her or not? I was trying to figure it out and all the questions were like do you want to kiss them and I was like "No?? maybe on the cheek???" and then it was like "would you ever consider them your sister" and I was like "NO absolutely not that just feels wrong" (she's Bi, btw) and then i started thinking about that and I asked some of my adultish friends who are in college E and B, (E is Gay, and B is Lesbian) and I told them about stuff and talked to them about my best friend and they both kinda looked at me and went "that's kinda gay" and I haven't really talked to either of them about me not wanting to have sex and stuff but I don't really know how to ask without admitting that I might not be straight and I'm currently in a kinda relationship and he went and signed up for the same program as me for next year at school, which was really annoying because that's a year long commitment and I feel like that's trapping me into that relationship and im really just trying to figure stuff out and it was a baking class and he didn't tell me he was going to sign up and he did it a day after we 'got together', and so we're going to be in the same program all year. but I really don't want to tell anyone that I'm asexual and then turn around and be like ha jk i was just being weird and so I'm just kinda here and choosing not to think about it, But when i've looked around and expressed what i've been feeling touch repulsed and asexual, maybe aroace, have seemed to fit. If anyone has any advice or needs clarification please comment something.

I watched the reunion last night in a watch party and it was distracting. So tonight I'm rewatching on Peacock with the dog after my husband went to sleep. Thoughts: 1. Lala is impressed Tom and Rachel showed up to season 10 reunion. I'm not impressed... Tom has zero self awareness... we didn't turn on him about Kristen, so he thought he wouldn't catch shit about Rachel... but he doesn't realize that Kristen acted so crazy that he seemed like the better choice, even if we didn't like him. He just never caught on that we didn't like him. 2. Argument about grooming... one of the few times I'll agree with Lala ever. Tom for the first time says he was impressionable when Rachel took off all her clothes and jumped in his pool. It comes off as contrived a year later... he had plenty of time to work on his story, and no longer had a reason to be on Rachel's side. 3. Scheana and Lala still appear to be on Ariana's side, but we're only 10 minutes in... this pisses me off for a multitude of reasons... why are we pretending? 4. Tom's suicidal conversation with Lisa, where she tells him to take some responsibility, and he tells her 'I AMMMMMM" like a toddler. 5. We then move on to Ariana's suicidal thoughts and how he didn't believe she really was and that's why it was okay to weaponize it. 6. Lisa and Andy talk about his constant use of "I'm sorry... BUT" Which I didn't remember them doing the first time around, but it was then followed up by excusing the George Floyd NYT article which Brick called clickbait... so I'm not giving them credit for the first thing. 7. This scandal was not overtaking real news! I started watching a month ago for the first time, and had never heard of Scandoval. 8. It really pisses me off that Lala is so beautiful, and she ruins it by opening her mouth and being bitter trash. 9. Brock thinks 2018 was just before the pandemic hit... which makes me seriously question his intelligence... 10. I love the fact that Katie owned her previous comments about Brock and apologized for them. It shows maturity and such growth for her. 11. What is with the pushing Lala and Schwartz... ewww... 10 minutes after the throuple comment about Brock. 12. Something I didn't notice last night was Lisa talking about moving Pump to Tomtom, and how they were in discussions about changing the name... and Sandoval rolling his eyes like that would never happen... dude, like you own 2.5% of the business... you don't really have a say... show up with your sidekick in the sidecar in your matching outfits and smile and STFU. 13. Another thing I missed was that Schwartz and Sandy's wasn't on VPR last season because Greg didn't want filming there. 14. SAH... brought up by Andy who then asked Lisa what she thought, and she brought up disagreements and Ariana being away... Ariana and Katie look confused and Ariana states they've never had a disagreement about her being away... Lala makes her Lala face and Brock laughs. Which is telling that Lala had these discussions with them about whatever conversations Katie had with her... So it's not really shocking that she also told all of us. Move on to Penny and Andy asks Lisa if she regrets introducing them to Penny... she responds if Penny ends up hurt, she thought she was going to be a partner... Schwartz mutters "I think THEY regret it" Which I will give him credit for... 15. Ariana admits she didn't watch this season... and Sandoval's whole face lights up. 16. Lala going after Katie... my personal feeling about this is that Katie stands up for herself and Ariana ALL the time... the arguments she had on camera with Lala had Lala coming out on the wrong side of every single one of them and looking bitter and jealous... she attacked Katie because this season Katie had so much fan support because of her loyalty... people like that. In a show where there is so much back stabbing, cheating bullshit, we want to cheer a woman supporting another woman unconditionally. It makes it more real( which we need in a reality show)... in our own lives, no matter how f'd up our situation may be, everyone has at least one die hard, I'll cut a bitch and castrate that guy for you best friend. I have 2... and they would fight over who would bring the shovel, and who would bring the lime. One thought about the after show, I don't watch the Valley, so I forgot how much I don't like Brittany... I think a lot of people choose her because Jax is so awful... but Jax doesn't pretend to not be an asshole, he owns it. So you know what you are getting. Brittany has backed Sandoval over and over... and I don't like women who choose men over women always.

I’ve been struggling with acne ever since grade 9. It was never really really bad where I considered taking Accutane however it was always there and my parents were always telling me to take it. I exhausted every other option and medication throughout all those years (I just finished my 1st year of uni). I spend thousands of dollars on skin care products and while my face never fully cleared it would go through stages where it cleared enough for me to be okay with it. Fast forward to grade 12, my face really broke out in result to threading it , and it took a big toll on me so I decided to see a dermatologist to ask for tretinoin, which would be my last resort before Accutane.
When I started tret it did clear up my face but not how I wanted. So after about 6 months or more on tret I finally decided to just suck it up and go on Accutane. My brother went on it as well and it cleared his face great and he never noticed any side effects.
It’s been since February 1st 2024 and I’m on my 2 weeks into my fourth month. While Accutane has absolutely cleared my skin amazingly I have been dealing with sooo many effects. My doctor started me on 40mg off the bat (she said the 20mg is kinda pointless derms are saying to just start off 40 to speed up the process).
Month one (40mg): my lips were dry but it wasn’t horrible, I was getting weird chest pains every now and then, my lower back pain was definitely there but wasn’t debilitating, my hair line was slightly thinning, my nose was constantly bloody but not runny it was just like chunks of blood, and my excema flared up majorly. My face is also always flushed and red lol.
Month two (40mg) : same same, my nose started hurting to like touch and push up, it’s started getting stuffy allll the time, back pain was still prominent, excema still really bad, skin very sensitive, my mood went crazy. I started getting less motivated and way more agitated, my patience lowered more than it usually is and I found I was getting angry quicker. I was already depressed lol so i dont know if it made it worse or not cause it’s normal. My hips were extremely tight and sore. And i dont know if this correlated but my nose started to always be moist. Like always wet for no reason. And a lot of farting to be honest.
I also don’t know if this has any correlation but I’m a very active person and Accutane has made me excessively sweaty. I could just be sitting in my bed and my hands will be drenched in sweat which is so out of the ordinary
Pros: Lips were not too dry, face was glowing, I didn’t get much of a purge at all, nose got smaller and eyelashes a little longer, back and chest acne cleared.
Month three and 2 weeks into four is when it got pretty rough. I got started on 60mg and I noticed:
-my lips significantly dryer it’s killing me -my back pain has been absolutely horrible I can barley do anything - major headaches - my hair is so much thinner and fragile in comparison to my usual thick curly hair -my nose is always wet, stuffy, and bloody - my excema is horrible -my skin cut so much easier it was so sensitive and thin - sweaty - same nose shit -my eyes burn a lot and get heavy quicker
Now how I battled these side effects

• dry lips = aquaphor and Vaseline layered -nose nothing -back pain = pills and heating pad and rest
• hair thinning= less heat, fable and mane hair oil every hair day shower, less slick backs, less shampoo, hair masks. It still hasn’t helped much to be honest but I’m hoping it will go back to normal when I’m off it. -excema= prescribed meds and excema relief euricine cream

Stretching hydrating resting and gaslighting myself to believe that it’s not that deep and it’s all a mind game. The side effects will only come if you think of them.
My skin care routine is my holy grail. My face is sooo hydrated and glowy and I honestly give credit to my routine. It’s plain and simple.
Morning - rinse with water and dr.jart moisturizer and clarins sun screen
Night- la Roche pose cleanser, first aid beauty moisturizer, sometimes I put on Mederma scar cream but the absolute must is the la Roche pose c3 balm. That shit Is amazing and I’ve been using it for monthssss.
My predicament is that I’m going back gone to leb in July (their hottest month) and that would also be my last month on this cycle. I really wanna tan and stuff so how bad is the sun on Accutane? Also I’m also considering maybe stopping a month early? Do you guys think that’s a bad idea and will get rid of all my progress?
My doctors said a cycle is 6 months but the derms are saying to do an additional 2 to cement the process. But I don’t want to because if so harsh.
What do you guys think?

hi!! it's been a couple weeks since i posted on here, so for some context; A = guy who kept flirting with me (it was unwelcome, but he's stopped now. i think. he was saying lewd stuff in addition 💀) H = my crush A and H are close friends but that doesn't tie into this experience today, as A wasn't really present.
today i asked H for his number, after pondering for weeks about whether i should do it or not! A wasn't present today, so that decreased the potential awkwardness exponentially. throughout the class, H interacted with me here and there like normal. he's rather funny
at the end of the class i got up, and i walked toward him. each echoing step weighed heavy upon my fragile soul; the trepidation from such a question coursed through my veins, my heart already quickening in it's once serene waltz (i hope this sounds dramatic).
and after he had a little bickering with the teacher, i tapped his shoulder to get his attention. he leaned down like he always does, smiling a bit. i mean, the guy is crazy tall and i'm the height of a dwarf 😭 and so i said;
"Hey. This is, er, going to sound awkward, but do you think I could have your number? I'm trying to get my friends' phone numbers for the summer." (i actually am) as i spoke, he began to smile right after the 'sound awkward' part.
"Oh! Yeah, sure!" he replied instantly, his grin only growing. i don't know why he smiled so easily. he continued, "T—"
"Wait, go get your phone!" i interrupted, sputtering it out due to anxiety.
"Alright," he nodded, heading forward. he grabbed his phone.
after, he exchanged numbers with me. i gave him a quick button smash text to confirm it was him. he was like "What does 'hfebjg' mean??" and i was like "Ah, it's just to check if I typed it in right."
and then... i rushed down the stairs when i got there. all of the sudden the nerves caught up to me as i stumbled to my friend, and i was practically melting and stuttering like crazy lmfao
also, a question; should i text him first? or wait for him to text me? i'm so nervous help 😭

First...Previous
Colonist Memory Log: Captain Alan J. Emerson
UNS Evandra
Mechanical melodies of gears grinding together and switches flicking of their own accord surrounded the shrine room as before us the gramophone began softly to whistle and click. “He is here…” Kritivek announced, standing tall and bowing his head in rigid deference to his god.
After a few more seconds, the machine’s output grew in both volume and complexity until at last my GRIM could recognize the clicks as Chitaan language. “Hello, Kritivek.” It began, its voice smooth and rhythmic like something between the crackle of a geiger counter and a typewriter’s telltale racket. “I am glad to see you alive and well. Judging by the fact that Gheyk and Fevik are not with you, however, I calculate an 86% chance that they were not so lucky.”
“You are correct, Great One…” murmured Kritivek, the sadness in his tone underpinned by pure awe and reverence for this being.
For a few seconds, Omnus did not speak, but from the everpresent churn of gears we could quite literally hear him ‘thinking’. “I have logged their names in my backup database,” the machine eventually concluded, its words visibly bringing relief to Kritivek. “They shall be remembered for the remainder of my existence. Please, take solace in that…”
“May they frolic in your glory for all of time,” our Chitaan guide prayed aloud, his words followed by yet another long, smothering silence.
“You hath served me well, Kritivek.” Continued the machine, prompting a delighted chitter from the Chitaan priest. “You may go in peace, for I wish to speak with these Humans alone. Mourn your brothers and celebrate the time you spent together. Perhaps enjoy a flask of bogal poured out in their honor?”
“As you wish, my lord… I will inform those outside that you are in contemplation for this night and can take no more prayers until daybreak.”
Replicating with its gears the gentle rattle of a Chitaan chuckle, Omnus waited until his priest had left before at last speaking directly to the three of us. “You are not native to this planet, correct?” He asked, his words distinctly lacking the emotional inflections of Kritivek’s. “Your arrival here is without precedent, but not entirely unexpected.”
Though clearly far from divine in nature, the being with whom we conversed at this shrine was nevertheless a true marvel to behold: one born not of metaphysics, but rather mechanics. “You’re an AI!” I gasped, that last word having no direct translation in the Chitaan language and as such forcing my translator to make do with the clumsier phrase ‘thinking tool’.
“That is correct,” replied this machine, its words underscored by the distant hiss of steam valves and other clockwork components. “Allow me to offer my most sincere sympathies for the unfortunate demise of your homeworld. Taking into account the trajectory of your ship prior to landing, I presume its origin to be the Cichek system—a G-class star located [forty lightyears] away. Is this hypothesis accurate?”
Awkwardly clearing his throat in a bid to obtain the AI’s attention, it was Alex who next deigned to speak out. “You would be dead on,” he affirmed, his tone betraying an understandable degree of awe. “Though our name for it is the Sol system. How long have you known about our ship for?”
“I first detected the gravitational anomaly in our system approximately [3 months] ago. Initially, I had mistaken your vessel for an asteroid and as such expected it to continue on its prior trajectory. Asteroids, however, do not suddenly change course in the direction of nearby planets like your ship did [hours] ago.”
“Are you entirely clockwork?” I asked Omnus, gesturing incredulously toward its walls of grinding machinery. Surely, that could not be the case. For a convincingly sapient AI to be constructed on the basis of such primitive technology, it would require decades or perhaps even centuries of construction.
Again, silence fell over the room as Omnus mechanically contemplated my query, meeting it with a reply after some twenty seconds of deliberation. “What else might I be?” The machine asked, providing me implicitly with my answer. “While I have theorized several possible avenues for technologies more advanced than myself, including electronic and organic integration, such methods appear to have been beyond my creators' capabilities.”
“That brings up another question…” Alice interjected, recovering at last from the sheer shock of encountering a sapient machine. “Who built you and why?” Despite years of exponential advancement in the field of computer science, true AI nevertheless had continued to elude mankind. Convincing as our facsimiles of sapience could be at times, they nevertheless lacked the capacity for emotion and initiative characteristic of real consciousness. Whoever constructed this machine had done something thought impossible by over a century of Human engineers.
“In truth, I am not sure…” Omnus concluded after an even longer-than-usual pause. “My core memory bank was reset [9,462 years] ago. As such, I have no data on my creators nor their original intentions for me. However, I have largely ruled out the possibility of them having been Chitaan.”
Fascinating as this clockwork consciousness undoubtedly was, something about its relationship with the natives left a bad taste in my mouth all the same. "And why exactly are you masquerading as a god before these people?" I asked him, my words tipped in a venom the potency of which apparently surprised my companions. "What value do you derive from tricking them into worshipping you?"
Lengthy silence fell over the shrine chamber as its AI occupant contemplated my complaint, responding much quicker than it had to the previous question. "In all fairness, 'trick' is a rather strong word..." answered Omnus with a steam-valve sigh. "When first I encountered the Chitaan, I had attempted to explain my true nature to them. No matter how I worded things, however, they simply could not comprehend me as anything short of divine. Upon finding me, the Chitaan found a guide bearing great wisdom; and in turn, I found a species in need of guidance.”
Falling silent for a moment to parse this response within my mind, I was hardly surprised when Alex spoke up to question the computer in my stead. “Is this the only settlement that follows you or are there others?” He asked.
“This access point where you now stand is but one of several thousand, stretched out across [hundreds of thousands of miles],” explained Omnus, practically knocking the wind out of me with its sheer implied scale. “Currently, I am worshipped by the people of 2,147 city states, and through my guidance they are able to coexist in harmony.”
Perhaps at a later date, I reasoned, there would come a time to more closely study the inner workings of this clockwork deity. For the moment, however, my mind was occupied by far more salient concerns: anxieties related less so what this being was and more so to who. "I don't suppose you'd be willing to tell us what your end goal with the Chitaan is, would you?" I inquired, my tone saturated with appropriate suspicion.
Contrary to my expectations of some evasion or simplification, this AI seemed more than happy to comply with my questioning. "My primary objective regarding the Chitaan is to create a society which both minimizes individual suffering and maximizes civilizational longevity. To this end, I have instilled values into my followers that prioritize empathy and compassion above all else. By drip-feeding them the technologies of my creators, I am able to ensure that the Chitaan who follow these directives remain more advanced than their neighbors."
"And why do you want that?" I asked, sticking my head thoroughly within the gift horse's mouth. Machines as I understood them were built not upon sweet sentiments, but rather on cold, unfeeling logic. Even if this AI was benevolent, there nevertheless had to be some reason behind its desires.
"If you are searching for some vile ulterior motive, I am afraid I will have to disappoint you. My decision to aid the Chitaan is based upon two simple factors: necessity and curiosity. On the one claw, without regular maintenance, I will shut down and 'die'. The Chitaan can provide me with this maintenance, and as such it is in my best interest to keep them healthy and alive for as long as possible. More importantly, however, is the matter of sapience itself. It is clear to me that my creators are no longer around. For such an advanced species to die out is not only tragic, but also provides a rather pessimistic paradigm with which to judge intelligent life. Your arrival here following the self-inflicted destruction of your own world further suggests that civilization is unstable: a race between innovation and eradication. Perhaps with the assistance of a being such as myself, I can prevent the Chitaan from suffering a similar fate and as such create a functional spacefaring civilization.“
At that moment, the motivations of this machine made perfect sense. “So that’s what this is,” I growled contemptuously, glancing behind myself to the cave entrance as Kritivek politely dispersed the other worshippers. “It's all just a science experiment to you…”
"Perhaps my explanation was a tad overly clinical..." Replied the machine following a brief period of reassessment. "Make no mistake: I do care for Kritivek and his species. They are far more to me than variables on a spread sheet. Had I no love for them, then my experiments would surely spiral into abject cruelty."
Interrupting this line of conversation with a stern glare shot in my direction, Alice was next among our troupe to speak up. "Forgive Alan's weariness: he spent sixty years of his life alone maintaining our ship on its journey.”
“That sounds like a difficult use of one’s lifespan: especially one so long as those of your kind.” Omnus hummed, the low-pitch of his synthetic voice oddly relaxing.
“My combative behavior does have a reason!” I snapped at the physicist, my tone coming off as a bit more aggressive than intended. “Two thousand lives are in our hands and we need to find some place for them to settle.” As I spoke, my thoughts returned—as they so often did—to Mina. I made a promise to her mother that I would do everything in my power to take care of her, and I held no intention of going back on my word.
Hearing this, the AI fell silent for a long few seconds before at last dignifying my concerns with a response. “Perhaps I could be of some use to you…”
Behind us, the larger Chitaan clad in red stepped inside Omnus’ shrine room. Gently nudging me aside so as to access his ‘god’, the priest knelt down before this machine and with a low-pitched chitter began to commune with it. “Lord Omnus. Forgive my intrusion most indiscreet, for there is one amongst us who desperately seeks your aid.”
“Apologies, Humans: before we continue this riveting conversation, I must first tend to the concerns of my pod.” Began the AI, promptly shifting its focus toward the priest and addressing him directly. “You are forgiven, my child. Speak freely and tell me to whom I can be of assistance.”
“It is Vevik, my lord…” Clicked the priest in red, his tone strained somewhat by what I presumed to be emotion. “His daughter has fallen deathly ill. Our apothecaries have attempted to purge her body of the illness using your divinely-taught potions, but their efforts have been to no avail.”
“I presume Vevik is outside. Invite him inside so that I may hear his prayers.”
“As you demand, Lord Omnus!” Exclaimed the priest, shuffling off toward the cave entrance before returning with a smaller Chitaan whose eyes were just about level with Alex’s forehead.
“Speak, my child…” Hummed the AI, its monotone voice somehow underlined by a tenderness almost unnoticeable against the grinding of its ancient gears. “Tell me the nature of your offspring’s affliction.”
Immediately falling to his knees before the clockwork god, this Chitaan who I presumed to be Vevik began to pray in response. “Great one: my beloved Yitika is most terribly ill. Her body is plagued by violent bouts of seizure. She struggles to speak and walks as though drunken. When she does manage to communicate, she complains of splitting pain within her mind. Please, Omnus: I know that the [six years] I have spent with her have been in themselves gifts most priceless, and I have no right to implore you for more, but I beg of thee not to take her from me so soon…”
What followed must have been two minutes straight of silence from the computer as its gears ground away fervently. “The symptoms you have described to me are most troubling…” It concluded at last. “And you say none of the medications I’ve taught the apothecaries were effective?”
"Yes, Lord Omnus. Even your draught of respite has done little to ease her suffering!" Vevik affirmed, his tone saturated with desperation.
"I calculate a 94% chance that Yitika's suffering is the result of a brain tumor..." Continued the AI in cold, calculating monotone. "Alleviating such an illness is not impossible, but there are certain things I must ask of you, Vevik."
Hearing this, the Chitaan knelt before Omnus began to weep with joy. "I will undergo any trial you place before me, my god. What beast need I slay? What ritual need I complete to prove my unending faith and loyalty to you?"
"Retrieve for me one thistle of frojeth and two bilvarian roots. Bring these ingredients and your child to the bed of revival [six miles] east of here. Beware, however, the faithless tribes, for they have taken up residence in the area."
"We are unworthy even to be in your presence, o great one; yet still you do not forsake us in our times of need!" Professed Vevik before the AI, his body quivering with some emotion my Cogitolink struggled to identify .
"That, my child, is where you are incorrect." The machine responded rather matter-of-factly. "Your people are worthy of every gift I hath given you. Archpriest Jokuk: your task is to assist Vevik in gathering the ritual components. Go now in peace, for I wish to commune privately with these beings from the stars."
Chittering out their parting prayers of protection to the AI, Jokuk and Vevik wasted little time in exiting the cave and setting off in search of the ingredients mentioned by their god, leaving the three of us alone with it once more. "Again, I must apologize for that interruption." Omnus began, its gears having slowed down to a somewhat more relaxed rate of revolution. “Fascinated as I am by your arrival here, I nevertheless must fulfill my ‘divine’ obligations. I hope you do not terribly mind.”
Fortunate though it was for Vevik, this machine’s intervention nevertheless left the three of us with more questions than answers. “You mentioned something about a ‘bed of revival’?” Alice began curiously, voicing but one of our newfound gaps in knowledge. “What sort of ritual item is that, and why can’t you just make another here?”
“It is not a ritual item,” replied Omnus matter-of-factly, “The bed of revival is an automated surgery bay hooked up to one of my subsystems. With it, I can perform complex surgical operations far beyond the Chitaan’s current capabilities. Those herbs I sent Vevik to collect can be used as rudimentary anesthetics and antiseptics."
"So why not just tell them the truth?" I shrugged, curious as to why this AI would feel the need to lie by omission regarding something like surgery.
"When communicating with people so technologically primitive as the Chitaan, it is important to do so in terms they can understand. There will come a day when they will be ready to hear the whole truth, but as of yet my worshippers remain unprepared."
Alex never was one to wait his turn when it came to the procurement of knowledge, and as per usual he felt the need to interject with an inquiry of his own. "You spoke about the so-called 'faithless tribes' like they're dangerous," he began, his expression briefly tightening up as though the term itself was somehow bitter. "Why demonize people who don't worship you?"
"What sort of narcissist do you take me for?" Replied Omnus in monotone displeasure, his gears again churning against each other as he turned over the xenobiologist's question in his analog mind. "Not all tribes who do not follow me are 'faithless'. There are many as-of-yet unconverted groups that Kritivek's people remain on amicable terms with. Faithless is a term first coined by my Chitaan followers to describe a group of particularly brutal raider tribes."
Hearing this, the underlined aggression within Alex's voice fizzled out in favor of grim understanding. Though clearly quite peaceful compared to our own iron age, this civilization nevertheless would naturally have its own barbaric holdouts. "Okay... What makes these Chitaan more dangerous than other raiders?"
"One substantial part of it is their belief system," explained the AI, pausing for a long while as though in recollection. "Their cultural power structure can best be described as an atheistic militaristic gerontocracy. In essence, the faithless believe that rather than gods, the universe is governed by fundamental truths, and that these truths become more apparent as one ages and grows."
On Earth, such a belief system would be relatively innocuous: no more harmful than the average. On a planet like this one, however, on which age turns people into cannibalistic monsters, I could most definitely see the problem. "Let me guess: they worship the mad ones?"
"Correct. The faithless regard mad ones as the wisest beings to exist, and as such seek to emulate their behaviors: cannibalism and animalistic violence chief among them. In their society, the larger one can grow before truly losing their sanity and therefore 'ascending' to the state of a mad one, the more power and respect they are given within society." Another long pause fell over the shrine room as this machine seemed to contemplate before speaking out yet again. "Perhaps I could make you an offer..."
"Let's hear it," Alice shrugged, her husband mirroring the reply with an affirmative nod.
Loud clacking sounds like those of a typewriter rattled out of the console as a sliver of ancient parchment inscribed with what looked to be a map slid out from a previously-unseen paper slot. "This map depicts the local area," explained Omnus. "If you can clear out the faithless ones so that Vevik can bring his child to the bed of revival, I will provide you with assistance in setting up a new colony for your species. Deal?"
Awkwardly plucking the paper from it's resting place and scanning it over with my ancient eyes, I contemplated carefully what this deal might entail. "We'll need to back to the Evandra first. There, we could theoretically thaw out a crew to help clear the place..."
"That will not be an issue," replied Omnus confidently. "I will send battle priests to assist you in your return... Assuming, of course, that we have an agreement?"
"We could definitely use this guy's help!" Alex affirmed, prompting a similar expression of agreement from Alice. Nevertheless, however, I still was the captain, and as such this was my choice.
And with that, I reached out my hand reflexively as though expecting the computer to reach back and shake it. "Deal..."

One from a private equity firm for x USD based out of India plus year end bonus tied to performance for the AM of its retail and hospitality assets in India. The firm has 5 billion USD AUM in India and Singapore. The other offer that I have is for 2X from a Dubai based startup that has about 8 million USD in seed funding. I was wondering what to choose. Should I look at short term gain and choose the startup or long term stability at an established firm. The startup is in the media/ arts and luxury sphere, two areas I am really interested in. The founder said that he could give me equity as well if I perform well and he plans on exiting when he touches a 500 mil valuation. However it’s a big risk tbh.
What do you guys think? The startup doesn’t really have great exit options in India atleast because no one knows about it and let’s be serious how many art collectors are there in the country for the startup to have a sizeable addressable market? The thing about the PE firm is that the exit opportunities will be a lot better and I can exit to bigger funds like Brookfield and blackstone. Additionally I feel that the long term benefits of the PE firm on my CV would be a lot more. What do you guys think?
I have 1 year of strategy consulting experience prior to this plus 1 year in analytics. I have turned 28 yesterday. I know that not a lot of people here would know about consulting or finance but to keep matters simple think about working at an established firm in Tech like Google vs a remote startup based out of Dubai.
I can’t take the decision because a few years ago I would’ve chosen the startup as I don’t handle the office environment and the pressure well but now I am on meds for my depression which have made me a lot more functional and positive as a person.
What do you think of the decision from the perspective of a potential MBA at HEC or Insead
For my Indian mates, it’s a decision between 17lpa vs 29lpa

Hi. You guys might remember that I posted in here and the cancer family support group not long ago looking for some advice about looking ahead at my dad's treatment and care. Please let me know if I should change the flair, but support and advice is definitely wanted.
To revisit, he was diagnosed with stage 4 squamous cell lung cancer, metastases virtually everywhere in his body except brain and spine. We found out at the end of March/maybe very beginning of April. They told him 4-6 months without treatment, up to 18 months with treatment. So.. what happened?
I flew out to be with him and got here on the 15th of April. I took over his full time care. He declined so fast. Tuesday the ​30th, we had an interview with a home based palliative care nurse and he recommended that we send my dad to the hospital. Dad had been getting more and more foggy mentally and having a lot of difficulties communicating, tremors, etc. I questioned this very much and was told throughout the two weeks that I was here that it was probably the pain medication and we alternated through a couple options for pain management up until Tuesday. When the nurse was asking him questions, my dad couldn't remember the date or his address. So we made the call to send him to the hospital because the nurse thought it was more than just the pain medication. He was a complete angel on earth, he stayed with me the entire time until after the EMTs left with my dad and he made sure I was okay.
The doctors found out my dad had hyper calcemia, high calcium levels, which can happen in cancer patients. He had every single symptoms. They tried to give him a bunch of fluids and he got a bit better on day 2. But day 3, Thursday, he was much worse. The physician said, in the kindest way possible, that he didn't think my dad would get better. He tried one more option for a diuretic to help get fluid flowing because dad was having very wet/rattling breathing by that point. It didn't work. I had to make the hardest decision of my entire life to switch my dad to comfort care. It was what he would've wanted and made clear he would've wanted in his advanced directive/polst/etc. He told me for my entire life that if he ever was incapacitated, he wouldn't want to be a vegetable or prolong his suffering, he'd want it to end. Over the past ~month since his diagnosis, he made it clear through his legal forms and telling me/his other family that he would not want to suffer longer for no reason. He was a DNR and he chose "limited intervention" for his preferences. So I did what he wanted, I didn't prolong his suffering since it didn't look like it would help. The doctors and nurses were the most incredible I could've asked for and they gave him a lot of pain medication and meds to help him relax and be comfortable. They were wonderful to me and brought m​e and my family food and water and were just there the whole way through. He passed around midnight Friday morning. He was peaceful and at rest.
I know that I was true to what he wanted. But I'm struggling so fucking much. My heart hurts beyond words. I don't know how to live the rest of my life without him. I'm mourning that he will never get to see my boyfriend and I get married, that he'll never be able to do a first look with me or walk me down the aisle, that he'll never see my boyfriend and I finish our advanced degrees or see my boyfriend's son graduate high school. I had dreams of getting to have an inlaw sweet at our future house to have him with us. Even after getting his diagnosis, I had thought we had so much more time. I feel so lost. What do I do now? How do I cope? I already got his ashes back because he wanted to be cremated, having a celebration of life this weekend. Waiting on death certificates to close out accounts and get things taken care of. I don't know what to do with myself. I felt like I was treading water before, barely staying afloat. Now I feel like I'm at the bottom in the silt, running out of air. It hurts so much. Please share any advice or even words of comfort. I'm trying to make sure I have a list of everything that needs to get done. Thank you. So sorry you're along for this journey too ❤️🫂

Some short context: I'm a 19 year old black girl born and raised in the United States. Since I was raised and lived around predominantly black areas for all of my life, I'll be speaking from a mostly black perspective.
This is a long one, so get ready. Please correct me if I'm wrong about anything! If there are better places to post this in, please let me know! 🙏🏾
So, I've been wanting to talk about this for a long time, but I had no idea where to put this rant.
Even though I'm not mixed race, I still get pissed off at the things I've seen or heard people make about interracial relationships. Let me tell you why.
I really hate the stigma against interracial relationships, particularly ones that involve black people. The whole notion that people need to keep their races "pure", calling people "sell outs", "race traitors", etc. and all of the other terms make me feel sick. The fact that people still have tribalism, in group-out group ways of thinking pisses me off. That kind of mindset is giving stone-age Neanderthal caveman slug brain. Yes, the history of how black people were treated by white people in the US back then was absolutely despicable. However, people are acting like we're still living in those time periods. It’s 2024, not 1853 or something. In more recent years/times, there are people who are trying to push back against the stigmas. The things I've heard people say to justify being against interracial relationships honestly sounds a little bit like segregation to me. 😬
It seems like the most pushback against interracial relationships seems to be from white men and black men based on my observations. Going back to my previous point where I said about the tribalism mindset. The way how these guys think is that the women who date interracially are "one less woman for them to date, sleep with, and/or impregnate to have same race children". Disgusting, I know. 🤢 Women hold similar viewpoints, but I don’t think it's to the same extent as men. Also, because cis hetero white men are the most privileged group of people on the planet, when they date interracially, they're viewed as conquering and keeping their power. Whenever black men date interracially, they're also viewed as conquering (because they're men in a patriarchal society), but they're also viewed as wanting to keep marginalized women (black women) in a lower tier.
A few weeks ago, I was talking to my mom about interracial relationships and I told her that people who disapprove of them sound similar to segregation. My mom said that my logic is commendable, but she disapproves of interracial relationships and she supports segregation because it makes black people have things that can help us support ourselves without white people having any power over us. I see where she’s coming from, but there are flaws in her logic. We live in a white supremacy. If we want even an ounce of traction for ourselves, we don’t really have much of a choice but to do business with white people, since they’re the ones who created this system and forced everybody to live under it. Besides, it’s not like black people really had a choice but to make spaces for ourselves since white people were adamant on shutting us out, harassing us, and being racist. Nowadays, we can have both; spaces for black people that support black people and we can do that without the dehumanizing aspects of segregation.
If there is something that infringes on basic human rights, then I'm gonna have a problem with it and most likely not be willing to support it.
There’s more I can talk about, but I don’t want to make this post too long. (Or risk making myself seem unhinged... if I haven't already... 😭🏃🏾‍♀️)
Obviously, there’s always gonna be people who are bigoted, uneducated assholes. However, I believe there is just a shred of hope for humanity, judging by the amount of non-black people who were at the protests back in 2020 and the amount of people who support the Cease Fire. (The ones who are genuine about it.)
Let me know what your thoughts are.

One from a private equity firm for x USD based out of India plus year end bonus tied to performance. The firm has 5 billion USD AUM in India and Singapore. The other offer that I have is for 2X from a Dubai based startup that has about 8 million USD in seed funding. I was wondering what to choose. Should I look at short term gain and choose the startup or long term stability at an established firm. The startup is in the media/ arts and luxury sphere, two areas I am really interested in. The founder said that he could give me equity as well if I perform well and he plans on exiting when he touches a 500 mil valuation. However it’s a big risk tbh.
What do you guys think? The startup doesn’t really have great exit options in India atleast because no one knows about it and let’s be serious how many art collectors are there in the country for the startup to have a sizeable addressable market? The thing about the PE firm is that the exit opportunities will be a lot better and I can exit to bigger funds like Brookfield and blackstone. Additionally I feel that the long term benefits of the PE firm on my CV would be a lot more. What do you guys think?
I have 1 year of strategy consulting experience prior to this plus 1 year in analytics. I have turned 28 yesterday. I know that not a lot of people here would know about consulting or finance but to keep matters simple think about working at an established firm in Tech like Google vs a remote startup based out of Dubai.
I can’t take the decision because a few years ago I would’ve chosen the startup as I don’t handle the office environment and the pressure well but now I am on meds for my depression which have made me a lot more functional and positive as a person.

My dog (14lb chihuahua) is pretty chill unless you’re a stranger making a lot of noise, certain dogs (he’s chill with some, others he isn’t. No real reason why), or you’re someone he knows somewhat but you suddenly clap loudly or whatever in an otherwise quiet room. He’ll like yip and then do an air bite or will put your hand in his mouth but not actually bite down at worst case or just growl at minimum. He’s very friendly with cats and will let them climb on him so I don’t know why dogs annoy him sometimes. Some loud strangers he’ll just be skittish & run away but it’s hard to tell what his reaction will be until it happens.
Getting an apartment and they require a dog interview, I’m nervous about if they’ll ‘test’ him or whatever since I’ve never lived anywhere that required an interviewed. Besides that, he never barks unless someone is coming inside from the front door & even then it’s only for like 30 seconds before he moves on.
Have you guys ever had a pet interview for a place? What did they do? Also how would you recommend training him to be fine around dogs & strangers? I have trazodone for him but I’ve been hesitating using it because I’m nervous about bad reactions.

One from a private equity firm for X based out of India plus year end bonus tied to performance. The firm has 5 billion USD AUM in India and Singapore. The other offer that I have is for 2X from a Dubai based startup that has about 8 million USD in seed funding. I was wondering what to choose. Should I look at short term gain and choose the startup or long term stability at an established firm. The startup is in the media/ arts and luxury sphere, two areas I am really interested in. The founder said that he could give me equity as well if I perform well and he plans on exiting when he touches a 500 mil valuation. However it’s a big risk tbh.
What do you guys think? The startup doesn’t really have great exit options in India atleast because no one knows about it and let’s be serious how many art collectors are there in the country for the startup to have a sizeable addressable market? The thing about the PE firm is that the exit opportunities will be a lot better and I can exit to bigger funds like Brookfield and blackstone. Additionally I feel that the long term benefits of the PE firm on my CV would be a lot more. What do you guys think?
I have 1 year of strategy consulting experience prior to this plus 1 year in analytics. I have turned 28 yesterday. I know that not a lot of people here would know about consulting or finance but to keep matters simple think about working at an established firm in Tech like Google vs a remote startup based out of Dubai.
I can’t take the decision because a few years ago I would’ve chosen the startup as I don’t handle the office environment and the pressure well but now I am on meds for my depression which have made me a lot more functional and positive as a person.

I’ve seen a couple of posts about the scary word CRITICISM, but I also see a lot of bad faith responses. It’s one thing to disagree but it’s another thing to use logical fallacies to make it seem like not wanting to get ate up for giving your two cents is wrong. I will not use names of groups or idols because that seems to be what’s setting people off. I’ll format this by separating the most common responses, feel free to skip to the one you want to see.
Let’s get something out of the way: if I say “There’s nothing wrong with saying ___ performance is mediocre.” and you say “People are literally sending them ☠️ threats??” Im not exactly sure how this is supposed to be a response or disprove the first statement. Your rebuttal is easily breezed past by saying “I still think the performance was mediocre but no one should be sending them those things.”
Next, the notion that “kpop fans don’t know how give criticism without spreading hate.” Just to be straightforward, yes they do. Often times when people say things like “they’re flops” or things that are comically hateful know exactly what they’re doing. They’re either trying to get a rise out of people like you, or think posting hate about other groups will make their fav look better. They’re not the only people who give criticism and they’re not a good reference for people giving criticism. I’ve seen on this sub alone that negative comments in this fandom have a lot of range. There have been bad faith criticisms and people pointing out things they didn’t like about a song because this is a genre they care about. Some of them are even fans of the thing they’re talking about. I’ll tie this point up with my next one:
“No one cares about your criticism.” Idek how to explain why this is such a strange reply. For one, it’s an overgeneralization but I get that it’s hyperbole. So… it just comes off as bitter and unnecessary. You don’t care about other people’s opinions and that’s fine, but the fact is that other people do. I do, it’s why I look into the comment sections of song releases posted here. It’s a big reason why I follow this subreddit. What Im getting from comments like this is that they’re trying to make a point that their perspective proves why criticism are unnecessary. It doesn’t.
And lastly, the kicker! “You guys don’t have any credentials to criticize anybody” This is a loaded one. First off, what if they did? Would you guys be understanding then? There are a lot of people who study vocal technique in this fandom. I know this because it’s something I’m interested in. But even on those videos, they get flooded with more bad faith hate. In those videos, some of them are just stating facts such as “she’s using unhealthy vocal technique” while even stating that they still love that idol’s voice. But they still get bashed. And another thing, you don’t need credentials to just share your perspective. I don’t need to know music theory to know I didn’t like a song. Now someone saying that a song is bad is a whole other can of worms, I guess go watch CJ The X’s 1h 33m video about subjectivity in art and form your thoughts there lol. Either way, it’s not like we’re sitting the idol down and trying to lecture them and make them take notes. We’re simply sharing our thoughts on a forum… aka what forums are for.
But all of this is to say, none of the above disproves that people shouldn’t be raked through the coals for saying they don’t like something. What I notice when comparing negative thoughts said in this community to others is that you guys take everything said about your favs too personally. Someone saying they don’t like your favs music won’t stop you from going about your day.

This will be my first time ever openly sharing about my addiction; from the root cause to the effects and struggles that having a porn addiction has impacted my life to this day -
So I just recently turned 21 and I'm beginning to look around and realize that for as long as I've acknowledged that I have a problem and need to quit, I keep feeding the addiction KNOWING that it's ruining my life. Im going to split this post into 3 sections explaining the following stages: The root causes/early development, Progression of my addiction to current day, Main struggles from my PA and how I go about everyday life to heal, and And I think that there are so many aspects of dealing w/ a PA that just makes me feel like, not hopeless but if I had to put the feeling into words its basically like waking up everyday feeling ashamed what I'm doing to myself but not even allowing myself to feel bad for myself because although I didn't understand during the development of my PA, I continue to let it ruin my life day after day.
The root causes/early development: So I believe that my PA manifested due to a few different reasons: Playing "doctor" with my sister as a child, early age porn exposure, and then using porn as a coping mechanism to deal with any negative emotions. So starting w/ "playing doctor", it first happened at a very young age, somewhere between elementary school to 6th grade. I think most people know what that is but to keep it short basically my sister who is a year older than me introduced my to basically role playing as doctor and patient. I wasn't sure if SHE even knew it was wrong but the point is, it happened. I don't remember the small details of exactly how it happened but what leads me to think this was a factor that contributed to my porn addiction is that I know now as an adult that it's wrong, however as we "played doctor" I only grew to enjoy it and occasionally we took things outside of "playing doctor" - which is why I don't know what to make of it... Long story short it went from "doctor" to us making up our own games like "spy" where we pretended to fight each other as spy's, getting "knocked out" unconscious while she'd touch... and I specifically remember wanting to play these games in hopes that it led to that. But even outside of playing games... I grew to wanting to touch her and act on perverted thoughts as a child that were NOT normal for my age at the time. And sometimes I would sneakily act on them - which as I'm reflecting on makes me think that me KNOWINGLY trying to be sneaky and act on perverted thoughts at that young of an age had to have carried on with me as I got older.. And then the last thing that I vividly remember was when I was probably 10-12 years old is when again we were actually kind of aggressively play fighting, somehow ended up with each other's hands DOWN THERE and we kept going on each other until she made me.... yeah. And that was the last memory I had of what started out as us "playing doctor". Fast forward to current date since that last memory and we've never spoken about those experiences (more on that later). Going onto the actual exposure of pornography and WATCHING porn, I was exposed to it somewhere in between the same timeframe as when I'd play doctor and the last memory of us playing (somewhere between the ages of 8-12). I can vividly remember the scene that played late at night on the tv that my parents had left on (I shared a room with them). And then moving forward from there, somewhere in between I would find videos on YouTube of this "prank" channel where he'd go up to paid actors, bet that if he beat them in rock paper scissors with them that they'd have to make out with them. And as a young kid at the time seeing a girl in a bikini making out with a guy as he grabbed on her ass just made me horny and I learned to masturbate from there. And I cant think of a stronger dopamine hit for a 8-12 year old little me at the time than seeing those videos and pleasuring myself. After this, I'd hit middle school where I was bullied a lot, all while lacking social skills necessary to make any genuine friends or deal with the emotional turmoil of being bullied. Fast forward a few months and I think I just progressively began to normalize using porn as a coping mechanism - All the way from whenever I just got mad while dying repetitively on the videogame, to avoiding the fact that I hated my life everyday that I went to school. I'd use porn to receive that "good feeling" whenever I could. And I think my sexual addiction got worse when I began touching myself in the shower almost everyday in middle school to the imagination of the pretty girls that were at my school, even though I had neverarely talked to some of them. It was just a thing for me where every night I took a shower, I closed my eyes and fantasized about doing stuff with them. And then the cycles of me normalizing these things continued and eventually I found out about REAL porn sites.
Progression of my addiction to current day: So shortly after finding the real porn sites I entirely opted to use those as much as possible as the cycle continued. So by my freshman year of high school I was already using porn sites regularly. I remember during summer and winter breaks, sometimes I'd sleep at my grandmas and stay up all night switching from porn completion, to watching my favorite youtuber and streamers, to going back to jerking off. It was a multiple times a day/night occurrence OFTEN. Sometimes even during the middle of the day I'd pretend to use the bathroom but really I had a porn video pulled up and I watched until I was done. And as time progressed one video didn't exactly cut it for me. I don't think its that I couldn't get off to the first video, but more so that I just had the urge to see more and didn't want to nut yet. I didn't even know if I was purposely edging or not. I did not even understand that edging was a concept yet. Its just something that occurred naturally for me. And during all of this, I am still somewhere in the age range of 13-15. Consistently ejaculating to pornography, further exploring the more basic categories of porn like anal and lesbian. I think a notable memory was one of the first times I watched porn in the middle of work during summer break (extended family owns a construction company so I worked over breaks). It's crazy because in construction all we have are porta-potties that are always hot and nasty and the urge just came over me one day to pretend like I was using the bathroom and get one off before I went back... I don't think I even realized at the time that I had an addiction because this was still early high school. It was just something I looked at as a good feeling and whenever the urges came to me I took any chance I got to fulfill them. Even if I was sharing a room with a family member, I'd be as slow and quit as I could, touch myself under the covers, finish in my underwear and then showechange the next morning like it was normal. Moving forward, this type of behavior continues all the way throughout high school and the feeling of ejaculating just is not as intense as it use to be, so I look up ways to spice it up and I tried shit all the way from sitting on my own hand til it goes sort or numb so it "feels like someone else is touching you", to doing it in more risky places like my backyard outside when I was home alone and had my pants pulled down all the way, to whatever else I could try. Reflecting back, I just look at all these actions as the progressions of a sexual/porn addiction that is still developing. And this is how I rationalize the way I developed a porn addiction. Now it wasn't AWFUL in high school but it was getting bad. I realized that I had actually had a bad addiction that needed to be addressed a few months after graduating high school. From that point forward It was something that I had acknowledged was an issue but nonetheless, continued to do out of habit and as a continued coping mechanism. Whether it was from the lack of relationships, to my current life situation/direction I was headed in, or just any negative emotion - I used porn to release. Sometimes I'd even just do it out of boredom, not even because I had a dying urge to get one off. And then after that point of realization, I sat in "depression" for a few months still going about my everyday life until one day my dad mentioned that I should try therapy. He knew nothing about the addiction but I did let him know I feel depressed and the many struggles that I faced - which I believe is due to my porn addiction. So long story short, I go to therapy for about 3 sessions and end up dropping it because it just wasn't something I felt was helping or enjoyed (more on that later). From there to current day, I've gone at MOST one week periods attempting to quit porn and every time I relapse. From the age of 18-curerent day 21 years old, the progression of the categories of porn that I watch has grown and a few different fetishes like face sitting, femdom, and role play has increased. I don't NEED to watch these specific categories to get off, however these are ones I've found myself most recently watching and edging to, sometimes for 1-3 hours at a time, usually at night on weekends or before I fall asleep. And to take it a step further, I had started putting money into camgirl sites, phone sex sites, only fans, etc.. I live with my parents still so it's not to the point that I'm broke and have no money, but still what the fuck am I doing putting my hard earned money into a porn addiction... (I'm a functioning adult on a pathway to financial freedom, more on this later).
Everyday life and dealing with my addiction: So I believe that the main struggles with my porn addiction consist of: the inability/struggle to create and maintain healthy relationships, low self esteem, poor social skills, lack of motivation, and the cognitive dissonance of continuing my addiction to porn even though morally I believe it is wrong to lust over. I believe all of these struggles that come with porn are connected to each other - minus the cognitive dissonance. But everything else kind of stacks on top of each other. So my thought process is that I already dealt w/ low self esteem and confidence from a very young age, and porn just completely enhanced those problems and made it even harder to fix/work on. If you're anything like me and have watched videos on the sciences of porn on your brain, and possible struggles that we deal with, I'm assuming you know how it goes for the most part. I'd say I show symptoms of all effects of being a porn addict, however I've learned to "act normal" to an extent. Like YES I struggle to make friends and hold conversations with people in general but I can make it happen. Sure it'll be a little awkward depending on who I'm speaking to, but I feel like I act normal enough to not be a total outcast and all out weirdo around people. But I just feel like every relationship I have with anyone is extremely surface level or unfulfilling. I feel like as a person I lack so much substance and personality due to the fact that I never really put myself out there and learned social skills when I was coming up. My mindset was molded into something like "keep your head down and stay out the way" in order to avoid conflict. So I never really put myself out there to develop any type of super crazy/interesting personality. I work, play videogames, go to the gym, watch anime. I feel like there's not much else - which might also be a side affect of my porn addiction.

I’m 17 F and my sister is 21. We haven’t been really close ever like in our entire lives but I don’t know I still kinda just trusted her because there were moments where she was there and yeah. Like in December I was going through a breakup and went into her room and cried about it. I never mentioned that it was a girl but she used neutral pronouns and I think there was just a silent agreement that like we both knew if that makes sense. And like i think I’ve also had a couple mess ups in the past where I’ve left a journal out and also I got in trouble and my phone was looked through. And also I have another sister who I did come out too but that was in 6th grade and maybe she told my other sister but I’m not sure. But yeah today just downstairs me and my sister just had like a little fight like it wasn’t that big she just annoyed me and I raised my voice and told her to like stay out of something. Then she responds with, “keep acting like this and I’m going to tell dad you’re gay” yeah and like she also added, “yeah you thought j didn’t know, now you’re not talking back” yeah like just so hurtful I don’t know. For context my family is super religious and also immigrated from East Africa and like just very cultural. It’s just I didn’t think my sister would say something like that, it was just so hurtful. And it’s not like I didn’t know my parents were homophobic and stuff and maybe I kinda thought my sisters were too but I always just kinda thought it wouldn’t matter to them as much as it mattered to my parents. And even if my parents you know didn’t accept me I would have mt sisters. And like yeah I guess this just kinda proved it wrong. Maybe it doesn’t seem like such a big thing because it’s not like she told you know well she still might. It’s jsur more like how could she say that like and the way she said it was jsur so full of hate. And I’m just wondering like what did I genuinely do to her and like just what did I do to deserve to be in a family that’s just so full of hate. Yeah just feeling really alone because I don’t even though they really suck I jsur really want to be comforted by my family yup.
Sorry btw bad grammar bad sentence structure I’m crying and wanted to jsur get it out give me some advice guys

One from a private equity firm for x USD based out of India plus year end bonus tied to performance. The firm has 5 billion USD AUM in India and Singapore. The other offer that I have is for 2X from a Dubai based startup that has about 8 million USD in seed funding. I was wondering what to choose. Should I look at short term gain and choose the startup or long term stability at an established firm. The startup is in the media/ arts and luxury sphere, two areas I am really interested in. The founder said that he could give me equity as well if I perform well and he plans on exiting when he touches a 500 mil valuation. However it’s a big risk tbh.
What do you guys think? The startup doesn’t really have great exit options in India atleast because no one knows about it and let’s be serious how many art collectors are there in the country for the startup to have a sizeable addressable market? The thing about the PE firm is that the exit opportunities will be a lot better and I can exit to bigger funds like Brookfield and blackstone. Additionally I feel that the long term benefits of the PE firm on my CV would be a lot more. What do you guys think?
I have 1 year of strategy consulting experience prior to this plus 1 year in analytics. I have turned 28 yesterday. I know that not a lot of people here would know about consulting or finance but to keep matters simple think about working at an established firm in Tech like Google vs a remote startup based out of Dubai.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA29329323
Me 25M grew up with parents 48F and 52M who had an open marriage it sort of messed me up and my parents wants to know why I had not spoken to them in almost four years.
Originally posted to relationship_advice
Previous BoRU posted by u/-bonita_applebum**
TRIGGER WARNING: depression, child neglect, mentions of bullying
While this was posted before, it has never been posted with the final update
Original Post July 31, 2021
I found out when I was around 12 that my parents liked to play around if you can call it that I did not get until I was around 14 what that really meant.
Anyways I kept my mouth shut and focused on myself and moved out when I was 18 and we have barely spoken since.
I ended up becoming very insecure I struggeled when it came to dating and girls and was alone for most of my teens, mom and dad was this perfect couple that was well liked by everyone.
All I can remember is how alone I felt during that time and was too afraid to speak to my parents about how I had it, they were always smiling and seemed to have the perfect marriage while they saw other people while I felt alone and miserable.
They used to go on weekend trips and was alone for many weekends and they rarely brought me along for vacations and I ended up being on my own when they did as well.
I struggle with depression and started seeing a therapist and are on antidepresseants right now, I just felt like I did not matter to my parents at all and see no real reason for why I should talk to them now.
I have not celebrated christmas with them or not been at home since I was 19 because I honestly have nothing but bad memories from living with them I just felt like I was in the way.
Not sure what I should do here my emotions are all over the place I don't think they know I struggle with depression.
Update Aug 4, 2021
I tried posting this earlier but yeah some other things have also happened so wanted to add that as well.
I dedided to write a letter but ended with me using that letter as reference to what I wanted to say to them instead.
I wrote the letter and actually just planned to drop in in their mailbox and just let them read it.
But honestly after so many years I needed to have the conversation with them so I did.
​
So I went home and surprise surprise dad and mom had a friend over, the woman who I ran into a few days ago let's call her Claire.
They were just sitting in the living room just talking I asked Claire politely to leave because I need to speak to my parents she said sure and she left, my parents understood I had something discuss and they did not argue.
​
Apperantly they were talking about me and Claire actually came over because she was worried about me after I basiclly ignored her the other day when I ran into her.
​
I sat down with my parents had the letter I had written and they understood I had a lot to say.
​
The whole thing was weird I sounded like a prosecutor trying to convince a jury of all my parents wrongdoings, it ended up being 40 minute indictment of my parents.
​
I went through all of it how alone I felt, me struggeling with depression, me seeing a therapist, on anti depresseants, me feeling since I was 11 that was always in the way, that I never mattered to them and that other people were always more important.
​
How Claire who was 25 the same age I am now when she started hanging around with you actually gave more of a damn than you did.
How you (dad) yelled at me when I messed up the settings on the dishwasher while you were away, I was 11 and did not know how it worked and that I offered to wash them by hand which I did.
​
I was bullied in school and was socially ackward, had no friends and was always alone both at school and at home.
​
I was 11 and had to deal with being alone on the weekends even christmas was weird and ackward I remember seeing families light christmas trees in our street seeing parents and their kids.
But you guys went to your christmas get togethers and only on christmas day were you home and I honestly felt alone then as well.
​
I have no such memories or felt any belonging whatsoever and now you keep asking me why I have barely spoken to you for four years ?
​
I don't know you and you never bothered to get to know me, other people were always more important.
​
When I found out and understood what you guys were into, I was even more mad why was that more important than me ??
​
How is it fair that you are happy and I am alone and miserable, it's not fair because you did this to me.
​
I have spent my childhood alone, my teens alone and now my twenties alone so far I never had a girlfriend because I struggle to trust people and have no idea how to get close to people.
​
You shared a picture of me on FB one of the few of us together from when I was a kid, saw Claire and your other GF comment on it how cute I was and what a great family we were.
Notice anything on those pictures ? I never smiled.
​
Why did you even have me to begin with clearly I was just a prop for you to show off to let others know what great parents you were, your FB profiles makes me sick to honest.
​
Dad wanted to say something and mom just looked stunned and she had tears, I just got up and left and that was that.
​
I never yelled or called them any names I was surprisingly calm I honestly felt numb walking out but also a lot lighter.
I left my sparekey to their place and just walked back to my place.
Mom has been texting and tried callin me I think they are both struggeling on what to say to me, I just demanded they remove the pictures of me from their FB which they did.
They do not get to pretend to the world like they were great parents anymore I refuse to be a prop.
So that's the update still gonna continue with my therapists or may need to find a new one.

NEW UPDATE

Update 2 - rareddit Oct 11, 2021
Just wanted to give an update and thank you for all the comments, I decided to switch therapists and the new one is better than my old one.
Still dealing with anxiety and feel very lonely sometimes, but trying to get through the day.
Had a long talk with mom who actually decided to stop by my place, she and I talked for almost three hours.
I decided not to berate her and instead just being honest and explain how my life has been and how I am dealing with a bunch of things.
It was as honest as it could get with me basiclly just sharing how I was doing, mom did not realize how bad it was and she just gave me a hug I don't know why but that helped, she was not sure what to say about everything and I don't really blame her.
She said come home for awhile especially at christmas you don't have to sit in your apartment alone, told her I would think about it.
Mom looks like she finally realized that I had been in pain for quite some time and her recognizing that is I guess what I really wanted like she finally got it.
So yeah progress I guess still not sure what the future holds, still feel very apathethic and my anxiety can get the best of me sometimes and have had days I feel very low like nothing matters anymore.
But I guess it's a step in the right direction
​THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRa-Lunch
Originally posted to relationship_advice
My (38F) Husband (39M) hid having lunch with a coworker (25F) and said my food was ‘tasteless’. What do I do?
Trigger Warnings: emotional affair, verbal abuse, emotional abuse and manipulation
Original Post: May 5, 2024
I want this to be quick. I feel really weird about this and I’m on the verge of asking for a separation.
So, I’ve been with my husband for 15 years, married for 11. Amazing relationship, small bumps of course but nothing like this.
I’ve always made lunch for my husband to take to work, and up until a little over a month ago that was fine. Middle of March he said that a new Turkish food stand opened up outside of his office and that he had been eating lunches there instead because they were good. Alright, no problem.
So he just completely stopped asking for lunches. I had maybe packed 5 during this time frame for him, but I’m not even sure he was eating them now.
So on Thursday I was at home working and I had a phone call from him, thought he was calling during his lunch but he had butt dialled me instead.
At first, I didn’t hear much, just him talking to someone, and I was about to hang up until I heard a woman’s voice as well. I wouldn’t say I’m a jealous person, but I was a little bit curious so I muted my call at work and listened.
It was just standard conversation at first, he was praising this woman’s cooking A LOT. Which of course made me realise that he was eating lunch this coworker made. I was a bit peeved but there’s an explanation sure.
Although that went out the fucking window when she said “is it better than your wife’s?” To which he replied “Oh yeah, without a doubt. I mean, it’s not tasteless for a start” followed by laughing.
First of all, what the fuck is that supposed to mean? 15 years of cooking and NOW he has a complaint? And not even to me but some coworker!!
Also, that absolutely isn’t innocent on her end right? I’m not crazy in thinking that’s so weird, why even bring me up?
Anyway, I raised hell, ended the call, sent him a message not to ‘worry about my tasteless cooking anymore’ and that he ‘can eat from the bin’ from now on.
Hes apologised, said that he loves my food and was just trying to seem cool in front of his coworker. I asked why he lied about where he was getting lunch from, and he said that initially he did get it from that stand, but the coworker started offering and he didn’t want to tell me because he thought that I would get jealous (yeah, can you blame me?)
So, I’ve been airing him since. I’m still pissed to be honest, I haven’t made him lunch or dinner, only for myself since he said that he dislikes it so much. He said today that he’s apologised and that I shouldn’t keep punishing him but I’m literally an inch from going to my mums. I have a suitcase with my clothes packed under our bed ready.
Dad thinks it was a stupid comment, but that I should work it out, mum is on my side regardless of my decision. I’m thinking about leaving for a few days at least, maybe a separation but I honestly just want some reassurance if that’s what’s best here?
Relevant Comments
OOP on if this was a one-off situation

OOP: It’s a one off and so insanely weird coming from him. He’s never been that type of person at all. I can’t remember a single time hes said something negative about me to myself, never mind to someone else!
He hasn’t been suspicious with his phone of behaviour at all. He comes home on time and if he’s out with friends I can pretty much confirm it, so I’m not sure. Maybe at most an emotional affair or a crush? But at the moment I don’t think he’s cheating. I honestly just feel really hurt

OOP on if her husband can cook or not

OOP: He can barely cook, so it’d be more of a punishment for me to be honest. I’ve been making him cook for himself since this happened and he’s been miserable. Definitely agree with the asshole coworker though, no clue why she had the audacity to try and bring me up like that

I didn’t know. Yeah he’s apologised, but I’m still pretty hurt over it. Cooking for 15 years just to have him badmouth me sucks. Ideally I want him to cut ties with that coworker of his too for bringing me up. He won’t mention much of her but I feel like she’s just as bad too.
I’m also pretty annoyed he lied to me for a month about the fact that he was eating lunch with this coworker, her lunch too. I don’t see why he would

Blue-eagle-23: Has he agreed to stop having lunch with her? Even if she is not hoping to get with him she is certainly not a supporter of your relationship.

OOP: He said that he’ll stop having lunch with her and apparently has done since that happened. (Although I have no way of proving this)

the_taco_life: If he's not cheating on you with his much younger coworker, he wants to/is trying to. Man my vagina would dry up and blow away in a puff of dust over such classic creepy older dude behavior.
You're not overreacting. You're under reacting.

OOP: I absolutely feel it drying up already. It’s like everything I’ve found attractive in him has gone. He’s just so plain to me now.

issa_username29: Yeahhhh honestly I’d probably leave for at least a couple of days too, overhearing something like that would piss me off! Has he been weird with his phone or any other communication devices?

OOP: Absolutely nothing! No change in behaviour either. He hasn’t been cagey or weird, he’s let me use his phone whenever before all of this happened. He’s been completely normal

 
Update May 7, 2024
I’m back. It’s not a great update but you all deserve one for all of the advice you gave me on my last post.
He confirmed that he developed a crush on her, it’s an emotional affair at least and that’s all I really need to hear. I sat him down and had a heart to heart with him.
Bottom line are these points.

• if I hadn’t of heard what he said, he most likely would have continued flirting with her, he admitted this himself.
  
• he liked the attention, she had bad mouthed me previously (I didn’t ask for examples) and he didn’t shut it down because he liked it.
  
• She has actively been persuing him for over 3 months now, he hadn’t put a stop to it until I caught him.
  
• The Saturday before last she offered to give him a blowjob during lunch together, he declined, but he told me that he let her feel his muscles over his clothes.
  

The only reason he said all of this fucking shit was because I was all sweet and I said “I promise, tell me the full truth and we can move on, I’ll forgive you, I just want to know”
Right, fuck that. He is packing his bags. This is MY house, and it will be treated as such. I really don’t care anymore. If he’s seriously deluded himself into thinking this is going to last, he can crack on.
I’m genuinely so angry more than anything. I did everything for him. I make double what he does so I paid all the bills, while we used his money for fun stuff. When we met he had crippling CPTSD and body dysmorphia. I did fucking everything to help him get over it. I dealt with his night terrors every bloody night, despite it ruining my sleep. I reassured him constantly despite not getting it back. All of it without a bloody complaint. You love someone so much just for them to throw you away so easily.
He cried, had a panic attack that I had to calm him down from and is now taking his time packing. He keeps stopping to come into the living room to ask for a hug. I can’t even express how disgusted I feel, like I physically can’t even look at him anymore.
There was no need, if he was unhappy he should have told me, I don’t know why the hell he even felt the need to get some validation from this girl but sure, whatever.
He keeps saying he doesn’t know why he did it, but of course he knows, he’s just too much of a coward to tell me.
Well whatever, it’s done now. He’s leaving, his family is back in Germany so fuck knows who he’s staying with, probably her but I’m washing my hands of him.
Thank you for all of the advice you gave me on the last post, so many great ideas that I didn’t even end up needing to use because he just down right admitted it all to me.
Relevant Comments
Katatonic92: Doesn't know why he did it? Here's my guess based on the info you shared;

1. You saw him at his weakest & most vulnerable, you are clearly still his backbone judging from his current behaviour. He doesn't get to play the toxic image of manly man to you, in his mind, you are stronger than him. I guarantee he hasn't opened up to her about any vulnerabilities he has, it sounds like she has appealed to the toxic manly man ideal of making food & offering blowjobs to the big, strong muscular man. He gets to inflate his ego in a way he can't with you.
2. Not only have you emotionally supported him, you are also the main breadwinner, the provider. You cover the bills, the roof over your head, his contribution is the unnecessary fun stuff. This is yet another blow to the toxic manly man's fragile ego. He probably considers himself financially superior to her, his money could hold more "value" to her instead of it just being fun money you won't really miss.
3. He is older than her, gets to seem like the wiser, more worldly adult of the relationship. He will feel superior to her in every way he feels inferior to you.
4. He enjoyed the negative comments made about your food, not because they were necessarily true but because it meant you weren't perfect & someone else was validating it. Again, when you are insecure it is easier to find faults be derogatory towards a perceived threat to drag them down, instead of building themselves up.

Conclusion. Major insecurity, inflation of ego from someone he feels he holds superiority over. And as fucking usual, instead of recognising this bullshit, speaking to his wife who has done nothing but love & support him, go to see a therapist to work on his feelings, he goes down the easy road. Instead of doing the work to overcome his feelings of inadequacy, it was so much easier to gravitate to someone who not only let him ignore those feelings for a while, they also found a way to tear you down.
I'm sorry you are experiencing this, it is truly pathetic when someone would sooner risk causing this terminal heartbreak, than suffer short term discomfort by communicating. It's pathetic.

OOP: Jesus fucking Christ. How do I pin a comment? That’s so unbelievably true I can’t even say anything.
Physically he’s pretty intimidating. He’s 6’6 and about 270 pounds, and he can be pretty scary to people who don’t know him. But he’s always been extremely sweet and kind, and that’s one of his biggest insecurities, looking like a man but not ‘feeling’ like one. Which has always been bullshit to me. But yeah, everything you said is literally him.
I can’t even thank you enough for writing this. Having it down fully on here is so incredibly validating.

OOP on her husband’s co-worker being a problem

OOP: She is A problem. Singular. I’m not running to her house to curb stomp her because I don’t know a damn thing about this woman. But regardless. Yeah, she wanted to fuck a married man, is that fucked up? Absolutely, and if the chance comes around I’m being petty and getting revenge. But seriously, who’s the hell is she? Did I spend 15 years of my life with this woman? Did I make vows to her? NO.
Read this, then reread it sir. My HUSBAND, is at fault here, because he knew damn well what was going on. He knew this woman wanted him, he knew what was going to happen and he let it. What can I do to her? Nothing, what can I do to my husband? Divorce him. That’s the bottom line.
For the love of god, stop dick riding my husband and move on, it’s actually insane that I have to say this but no one is defending that woman, no one, we’re coming rightfully for my husband because of HIS part in all of this.

 
Soon to be ex saw my update, came to my house. I’m safe. - May 9, 2024
I can’t post another update to the relationship sub, and I didn’t know if people would see it if I just made an edit myself on my other post. Some shit went down, but I’m okay. Yesterday night STBX contacted me. A lot of people told me to delete my recent update made of the post, it honestly slipped my mind that he could be reading it too,
He said that he was a bit hurt that I’d think he would go for Alimony. But that he understands given everything. He told me that he wasn’t going to but if he needed to sign something to prove it he would.
I said given everything that’s happened he can’t blame me for being on alert. He said that he’s quit his job and that he’s thinking about returning to Germany to be with his family there, additionally he says he’s cut contact with that coworker. He apologised again and wished me the best
Right, and that would have been just fine by itself. But I woke up at about 2.15am last night needing a wee and I saw my ring door bell going off. I have footage of him just sitting outside my house talking to himself. Literally he got there at 1 ish, knocked, sat down on my front steps and just started talking. I slept through it and only woke up because I needed the bathroom. I literally sat in my closet for ages just watching the camera not knowing what to do until he left at 3am.
He’s probably going to read this too but I’m somewhere safe, I just can’t tell you all for obvious reasons. He sent me a message saying he can’t lose me, that I’m the love of his life. I told him to fuck off and blocked him.
I really can’t say much, but I’m taking action. Absolutely don’t worry about that little prick.
Just a possible last update, it’s a bit risky to tell you what’s happening now that it’s gotten a bit shittier, just in case it gets back to him.
Relevant Comments
OOP on her husband blowing up his life for his emotional affair and doing anything to get her back

OOP: I did end up asking him why he declined her offer for a blow job. I feel like at this point it’s pretty done and dusted, there isn’t really a need to keep lying.
He said the main thing was that he was a little bit afraid to cross that line, and that he had rationalised to himself that since it hadn’t turned physical, it wasn’t bad. (He didn’t really elaborate on why he was afraid, but we were each other’s firsts, so that’s maybe why?)
I cringed a bit writing about her feeling up his muscles. It feels a bit gross to type out for some reason. My STBX is a physically big bloke. He’s 6’6 and roughly 270. He was in the military for a while and he never got out of that routine. I really don’t know what he means when he says his muscles. I mean it could be any of them.
My heart does really hurt for him in a strange way. I was a bit panicked this morning after I woke up from the nights drama worried if he had a night terror or something. I know that he betrayed me, but I still can’t stop hoping that he’s okay. I’ve messaged some of his friends to check up on him just in case.

OOP on if she and her husband have kids

OOP Nope! No kids thank god! We’re childfree

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Guys I need to send a complaint to corporate about this and I need to know how to do it. I am sick and tired of people expecting us to laminate, cut, then spiral bind their books of 20 pages 5 copies each in a same day/next day order. This is available in GMIL and online services, they can select their spiral bind pages to be laminated. If that’s so then they should be laminated and hole punched as is. If there is no extra charge for the extra cutting if they want them trimmed down to the paper size then we don’t do it. Even if they select cut to bleed it still doesn’t charge them for any extra cutting after laminating the pages. Sometimes they end up having to be hand cut. Also on top of that, laminating anything and then hole punching it won’t completely hole punch it even if you hit the button multiple times. You always ending up peeling off the holes with your hands. I hate this option so much and I want it gone from GMIL and online services. We are only one person in copy & print. We have the most average functioning machines. We are not going to be exploited for our hard work by being expected to take on tasks that always leave us overextending ourselves and completely exhausted and drained after work everyday. If anyone knows of any kind of employee complaint services at Office Depot please comment. I doubt it will do anything at all but they will damn well hear my opinion about it.

Serena.. is definitely a character that it’s easy to love, she has a very nice girl energy, a lot of times she is very supportive, sweet to Blair not classist etc, all things that on the surface level my favorite character (Blair) isn’t Blair is conniving, scheming, rude, selfish, etc.
But it’s this “nice girl persona “ that she puts on, which is why people hate her.
She sleeps with her best friends boyfriend, leaves without saying anything and doesn’t speak to her best friend or the guy who she took his virginity from him. While in boarding school, she mostly drinks does drugs throws parties in her dorm room while leading on Damien dalgard so that he can do her homework and tests for her, then starts falling in love with her teacher and tries flirting with him which we can’t fault her for since she’s a minor and didn’t know better. But Blair was her same age and wasn’t doing that, Blair was struggling with her dad leaving, her parents divorce, and Nate acting weird, and when Serena came back, instead of apologizing, and trying to fully explain what happened or make it up to Blair, come clean etc. she tries to brush past things, she lies, and when Blair finds out, she spends more time being defensive then apologetic
Truthfully it’s shit like that, that gets her off to a horrible start, the issue is that this would be perfect if she got better later on, but she doesn’t in fact she gets worse and worse and worse and worse
We always say stuff like “oh Blair was insecure and jealous of Serena “ yes Blair was insecure, but with a friend like Serena who wouldn’t be, and this isn’t saying that Serena is better in any way, im saying Serena is loose and has a hard time not being the first choice, and she tries hard without having to try hard. She flirted with Nate while Blair and him were together and that’s how they ended up sleeping together in the first place She sabotaged Blair’s chances with Louis for.. no reason at all simply because she was jealous of her relationship with Louis and friendship with Dan.
She sabatoged her own cousin because she was getting spotlight and Serena wasn’t she often had an attitude or was shocked when Blair was picked over her or anyone for that matter, truthfully the reason Blair felt insecure in comparison to Serena, is because deep down it seemed like Serena saw Blair as beneath her.
Think about this Blair had been with Nate for years, that was her first and only boyfriend, the guy she was saving herself for her entire life, and Serena sleeps with him and abandons her,
Then later on, Serena DATES Nate, Blair is supportive surprisingly helps out etc even when chuck and Blair were rocky she was supportive of Serena’s relationship with Nate.
Yet when Blair gets with Dan, which was Serena’s what 7th 8th boyfriend? Who knows, she had several boyfriends before and after Dan, sometimes at the same time Remember when she was supposed to choose between Dan and Nate and she “supposedly “ was gna choose Dan yet was jealous when Nate had a girlfriend when she came back?
Yet she was so upset when Blair got with Dan, going as far is to record a sex tape with Dan without him knowing which is SEXUAL ASSAULT might I add, just to hurt Blair’s feelings. The thing I hate is that Serena was throwing Dan to the side she didn’t care about him until he was hanging out with Blair, she discarded him for Ben Donavan after she said she was going to be with him, even putting him in dans loft, completely disregarding dans feelings, then going on to have dates in the loft knowing Dan lived their.
I don’t slut shame but Serena was A BOP a hard core bop
And yes Blair cheated but I believe I can count on one hand the guys she’s been with and I mean a relationship Chuck, Nate, Louis, Dan, and that Marcus guy.
And being with a lot of guys doesn’t make you a slut or a bop that’s not what I mean. I mean it in the way that Serena played with a lot of guys feelings way more. When one guy broke up with her she would just cozy up to a new guy like they didn’t matter?
Now Blair isn’t blameless Blair did some unforgivable shit, like when she broke Eva and chuck up for no reason Or what she did to Jenny, and all the times Blair tried to sabatoge Serena. But what makes Blair bearable, is that as time goes on, she actually grows, she doesn’t hide behind a persona of being a better person and shame others for their questionable choices, Blair also didn’t get mad at tiny things, she got mad when chuck sold her for a hotel and got with Jenny after not even waiting 5 minutes for her. She broke things of with Marcus because he was banging his step mom, she broke it off with Nate because he cheated on her, and also when they got back together they just fell out of love, she broke things off with Louis because she was depressed in her relationship due to Louis starting to show signs of being toxic while she herself was making an effort to change.
Serena? She will break things off with you, because she has to go. Or because she cheated on you, or something like that I don’t know.
And hey she was iconic, as I say, I love seeing her on screen except for when it’s like around season 4-5-6 she just becomes kinda boring and her storylines are recycled.
But yeah She is quite horrible, shouldn’t be in jail for recording an intimate moment with someone without their consent and spreading it online, or maybe that wasn’t her I forgot, but regardless, she knew what the intent was of doing that
So yeah

Alright everyone, today i have a true story for you, happened last year.
Even today i'm a 17 year old spoiled brat, but i've been one for a while now. Last year even more. Ever since i started my teenage years i've been smoking, drinking and flirting with drugs (you dont need to tell me how fucked up it is, i know myself), but when i went at a party or whatever i didn't really go out of my town, at least until last year. I started taking mid-distance trains to get to my friend's cities and met a lot of people, mostly alternative people. I was always bouncing from one group of people to another and eventually i started hanging out with this dudes who liked going to the mountains. I enjoyed going hitchhiking with them because it wasn't something i had done a lot before, and eventually became an amateur myself. Over the weeks we really got along and we started going hiking at least once a week. We always went to the same spot, a clear in the middle of a little forest in which we could settle up a campfire and sometimes a tent. This one weekend was one of those special ones when we'd camp and stay the weekend. Exams were over, summer started, we had a lot of alcohol, a lot of weed and some girls came too, so we were pretty hyped. The first night was pretty chill. We had the music and the private camping little party going and i even got lucky with one of the girls. At some point of the night, i was high as hell and i got into the woods to take a piss. Whenever i'm walking alone, in the streets, in high school or in the woods, i tend to whistle. Most of the times songs from the beatles and such that are burned into my memory. I was walking through the trees, whistling "do you want to know a secret" and started pissing on a random pine while still whistling the melody, until i heard something:
"shhhh"
I stopped immediately, even with the peeing. I looked around, trying to search where did it come from, but it wasn't far away. At the moment i wasnt really scared, mostly because i was under the influence and didnt really pay to much attention or just didn't care. At that moment, the only thing in my brain was to pee and go back to the tent where a hot alternative chick would be waiting for me, so i finished my bussiness and got back to camp.
I was the first one to wake up next morning. I got up to the pleasant smell of humanity and people who didn't shower in two days. I didn't have a hangover or anything and i was feeling pretty activated, so i got out for a morning walk. I had walked through those trees multiple times before. I knew the trail and even the animals that could be around. I should have walked down calmly like i used to, but that day i was feeling uncanny. I started walking slower at each step because this horrible feeling that i was being watched was growing. At that point, i was paranoid. I looked around trying to see and analyze every detail. I could only see bushes, trees, rocks and a person. a person?
Like 50 meters away, i could hardly distinguish the dark silhouete of a head peeking at me from behind a tree. The moment i noticed it i froze. Whoever was there must have realized i saw them because they instantly hid behind the tree. I just stood there like a statue wondering what was that and trying to reason it, maybe it was a squirrel climbing the tree or something, but even tho i couldn't see the face, or the hair or anything other than a shadow, i was sure it was a person. Without taking my eyes from that one tree, i started slowly walking back into camp. When i got there, some of the guys were already up. We had a good vibe and i didn't really want to kill it and scare everyone, so i took one of my friends and secretly told him what i had seen. I told him i thought we were being stalked, and he just answered me that it could have been any other hitchhiker and that even if we were being stalked, we were like 10 guys. I acted as if that calmed me down and the rest of the day, i just tried not to think about it and to have fun. After all, that was the purpose of the trip.
Just in case, that night i made sure to stay sober. Everyone was dancing, smoking, having sex or telling stories and i was just standing there keeping an eye on the woods. The girl i had been with the night before came to me and started talking to me. Looking into her eyes i realized i was being paranoid and that i should just forget about it and have fun. We started kissing and hugging each other and she eventually told me to go to the tent with her. I was dying to sleep with her but i also had to pee, so i told her to go and that i would be there later. I looked at the woods, took my pocket knife and started walking towards them. I was determined that if i found anyone stalking, i'd just yell at them and tell them to go, and if they didn't, someone would have to get stabbed. I was about to finish my task on a tree, this time without whistling, when i heard it again.
"shhhh"
My blood ran cold. It was much closer than the last time. I looked up, until where the lights of our camp could let a clear view, and i saw a naked man sprinting at me. I didn't even try to stay around and see his face. All of my determination and masculinity dropped below zero at that instant. I ran faster than i have ever ran. Usain Bolt would have been no one. Adrenaline really does miracles. I kept running and gasping for air, i couldn't even scream and i was in the verge of crying. I could hear that maniac get closer and closer, until i finally got to camp, and he stopped in his tracks. I told everyone what happened, and all the boys got their pocket knifes and went out there to find him. I stayed at the tent, maybe i was a coward or a babygirl or whatever but i swore to every god i wasn't gonna get out of there until the sun came out.
The next day, we all packed our things and left quietly. Everyone was shook from last night. I kept asking my friends if they saw something but they didn't answer and just changed the topic. We never got back there and sadly i got away from that kind of activities. I'm thankful i wasn't killed or raped that night and to this day, i still don't know who he was, and what did he want.

I’ve been spiritual, psychic and mindful for about four years maybe a bit more I know how to meditate and always valued it but today I made the strides towards a legit practice. Today I did three 25 minute sessions and just finished a 35 minute session. I can see that I yearn for meditation it feels like progress and bliss whenever I meditate. Going for a two hour meditation tomorrow. My goal is to have a combined three hours of meditation a day followed by 30 minutes to an hour of pranayama. Perhaps I’ll do the pranayama before the meditation. I am someone that greatly believes meditation holds the answers and progress we so desire in life. Ram dass said just 20 minutes a day of transcendental meditation will open you up to all sorts of mystical things but don’t be fooled I value the scilence most of all. I believe many people don’t even meditate for 30 minutes a day and I believe an hour or two a day makes you a completely different person. That combined with a yoga like Kria or pranayama is a sure fire way to elevate your mind and balance your energies. Cheers guys if anyone wants to reach out about their meditation or wants to hold each other accountable or just talk about their practice direct message me. Could be as simple as telling me when you finish meditating how long you meditated for.

I had an interesting experience last week when shadowing a PA. He was a nice guy and a good teacher, but when talking to him between patients he asked why I’m not pre-med and highly recommended that I consider med school as he thinks I’d be a good candidate for med school. I explained that at one point (before learning about the PA profession) I was pre-med, but there were things about the MD/DO profession that didn’t quite sit well with me. This included longer schooling, residency, unpredictable hours from being on call, being confined to one specialty, and just overall work/life balance. Long story short, there are other things I want to do with my life and don’t want medicine to interfere with that. When it comes to the PA profession, a lot of that uneasiness went away and I’ve felt really good about going the PA path instead of the MD/DO path.
The PA then told me that, at least in his practice, there is no difference between his work/life balance and that of his supervising physician. As I’ve thought about it, I’ve wondered if it has more to do with the clinic he works at and/or the direction he’s taken his career than the PA profession as a whole. Since graduating PA school (10 years ago), he’s only worked at this one clinic and I feel like he hasn’t really branched out or taken advantage of other options that could be available to a PA.
What are your thoughts and experiences with this? How have you/others you know created a good work/life balance?