I'm looking for advice on how to spend more time with boyfriend and become a permanent resident in Australia.
My boyfriend (26m) and I (18f) met each other through an online dating app in April 2024, Nepal, he extended his stay and we have been regularly seeing each other over the course of 1-2 months.
We felt a great connection instantly and have deepened our love for each other over this time and have genuine intentions to live together and get married. He is an Australian citizen and lived in Australia all his life despite being born in Nepal.
The most appropriate way to become a PR would be the 300 Prospective Marriage Visa since we can't meet the requirements for any of the partner visas; however, since there is a long processing time for the 300, we would still like to see each other in the interim.
He is now returning to Australia for his job and contemplating when he might come visit me next. This is all dependant on his work, holidays, etc. It's difficult for him to move here as we have lower wages and he would like to advance in his career which is easier back home. Of course, the other option to spend time with each other is if I visit him in Australia on the 600 tourist visa.
My question is how difficult would it be for someone like me to gain either the 300 or 600 visa? It is looking like quite a dire venture with the recent crack down from immigration.
More context in relation to myself: - 1st year University student (not enjoying the course wanting to leave) - Working < 3 months as an art teacher at a school - Working < 6 months as a receptionist at a tattoo studio - Working < 6 months as a tattoo artist at the same studio - Living at my mother's home with my sister
The wages I earn here are less than $400 a month and most of it I give to my mom anyway as she has been providing me with my living expenses.
Due to this, I'm having to be quite dependant on my partner and if I decide to visit him on a tourist visa, he'll be sponsoring me/paying for flights + visa and I'll be living with him while I'm there.
If I apply for the 300 and while waiting for it to process, apply for a 600 to visit, will the 600 be more or less likely to be approved? If I don't get granted for the 600, does that immediately invalidate the 300?
What should we do?

Me (30) and my bestfriend Mary (31) have been friends for 8 years, during this friendship, Mary was aware that cheating on a relationship is a big no-no for me (as all decent people should). Even when I find out celebrities, colleagues or even people I don't know break up because of cheating, I get this bitter taste in my mouth. It's all because, all my life, my dad is a serial cheater and even now even after 34 years - he still is. It started when Mary and I worked together on a cruise ship for the first time in our years of working on different contracts - we finally got the same ship and same contract dates. She is already engaged by this time and will be married in a few months, so almost all the preparations are done. And since we are on a cruise ship and far away from our country, Mary and her fiance Mark (36) are on a long distance relationship. I can only imagine planning a wedding apart from your partner. I know it's been hard on her. Over the course of our 6 month contract together, she developed a lot of guy friends within the crew (people who work onboard the ship) since there are more guys who hangout on crew bars at night after our shift. I on the other hand don't drink so I just sleep early since I work 11 hrs a day everyday. Oftentimes, she goes back to our cabin drunk or sometimes with her new friends in the middle of the night, sometimes it will wake me, sometimes not, which being a crew member for a few years living with different kinds of roommates, i am used to it.
But one night, I cannot fall asleep because my partner and I had a fight and I was waiting for him to reply, i heard someone open the door and I heard a man's voice snickering(obviously trying to not make a noise) and Mary's shushing noise followed him. For context we live on a cabin with a bunk bed and I'm top bunk and I have curtains for privacy. Obviously they won't be able to tell if i'm awake or not. I then heard kissing noises and felt movements soon after - they were doing the deed. My gut fell and I wanted to be a mean nosy bitch and go down and ask them what they think they are doing but I just stopped myself, telling myself it's none of my business and that I can deal with her tomorrow.
The next day came and I talked to her - to cut the story short, she's been feeling sad and she's having cold feet. She felt loved and seen by this "guy" and when they talk he just makes her feel everything she will be giving up when she gets married. For context again, Mark is her first boyfriend and they'd been together for 10 years. She just feels that she has been missing out being with him for so long and said she "wanted to try some new things". I argued with her, that if this was the case, she should break up with Mark instead of sleeping around and cheating. I told her that if she gets married with these thoughts in her head, she would end up hurting Mark (plus there's no divorce in our country, only an annulment and it's hell to pay - not that it's an excuse just a sidenote haha). She said she would think about it and wait for the right time, but apparently - her thinking about it means she'll still sleep around with this guy.
I hate every bit of it, but she asked me not to say anything and to not ruin anything I am not a part of. I've known this guy as much as I know her, Mark, my boyfriend and I bond on music and biking and he is practically like a big brother to me. But, I also want to respect Mary's life and her decisions. I continue to be there for her, on her mental breakdowns and her bad days when she feels really bad with the things she has been doing. I advise her to do the right thing and tell him. But ishe asked me to promise not to tell, inside I feel so bad, because this is not what my convictions are telling me. I know I have to be honest and I feel that I'm betraying Mark by not telling him. And in a weird way, i feel that the trauma I had growing up with a father that cheats, now with a bestfriend who does the same thing is taking a toll on me. I actually got so anxious with this situation that I often zone-out, had no appetite and I actually lost a lot of weight.
Our contracts pass and we're about to go home in a few weeks and she's still sleeping with the guy and some others, still "thinking about it", still not letting go of Mark and still going through with the wedding preps. And she still begs me not to say anything. I cannot tell you how many times I drafted a message on my notepad composing what I will tell Mark. There were also times Mark messaged me and asked me why Mary seems so distant lately. The urge to say the truth is really hard to supress but because I love Mary so much I try to be understanding and wanted her to tell it directly to him so as not to humiliate their 10 year relationship.
Fast forward, I came home a week before her. Being back to the Philippines and seeing my mom waiting for me in the airport - so beautiful and kind and yet knowing how much she feels unloved by my dad made me snap. On that day I came home I sent a whatsapp message to Mary, "I'm telling Mark" and turned off my phone. I met up with Mark that same night and told him everything. He was dumbfounded, he was crying and we spent 5 hours on that coffee shop talking and just him on a roller coaster of anger, sadness and just plain pity on himself really. He really does love her. So much. My boyfriend and I took him home. He was just staring into space on the car ride home and I feel so bad and i had this lingering feeling that I know i did the right thing but i also caused pain.
When I woke up and turned on my phone I had a hundred of texts, missed calls and even emails saying that i answer the phone, that i'm an ungrateful friend, a backstabber, i am stupid and that i just wanted to see her fall because I'm jealous of her. She said she was planning to go home and confess to him directly so that she can reason with him to continue with the wedding despite the circumstance. She said that she had never seen this evil side of me and she pity me because there's nothing interesting going on in my life that I had to cause drama in other people's lives.
I felt worse. I haven't replied to her and it has been 3 weeks from then to today as of writing. I deactivated all my socials because i heard from a friend that she has been posting cryptic status online. They called it off and informed everybody on the guest list. I still receive e-mails from her to this day saying 'I hope you are happy' and 'You're not a hero, you're a villain.' Mark had messaged me saying thanks but thats about it. I think he is also off the grid and not talking to anyone. I feel so so bad and the way she reacted to me made me feel that I'm an asshole for telling, so am i?
P.S Sorry for the long story, I'm just really writing the way I feel about it as it is still so fresh.
And if you were able to read this Charlotte, just wanted to let you know that you have a lot of fans from the Philippines. <3 Keep up being such a great youtuber you are such a great company specially at times like this.

I’m not quite sure how to start this, but the main goal of this post is to hopefully gain some advice on how to be as much as a help to my mother (39F) as possible, through her third trimester and past postpartum.
For some context, this baby will be my mother’s fourth child, however, he’s her first child with her current boyfriend (35?M). The rest of us have the same father who she was married to for around 18 years, until a few years ago. She has been with her current partner for two years. (Their anniversary was recently)
My father was quite abusive and my mom was left to do most things regarding us children alone, as a very young woman.
I do not want this pregnancy to be anything like that. However, I’m not sure that her current partner is completely ready for this father role. Which is fair, considering this is his first child and this was an accidental pregnancy.
He has yet to move in with us, which I am sure my mother is concerned about, because he has had since December to do so and it is now late May. He is a slow person in general and takes his time, but my mother has expressed to him many times that she would like for him to be moved in as soon as possible. He lives with his mom and brother as a caregiver figure of sorts for his mother (To give him so grace… but it’s barely that). However, we live extremely close and it would be very easy for him to get to her.
This next piece of context is extremely important!! I have a brother (13) who is special needs. He has a chromosome disorder so rare he’s the only person on earth with it. It’s quite hard to explain, but he needs 24/7 supervision. And he’s not easy to manage. Thankfully, he has a caregiver that helps some days of the week. But on the days he doesn’t, he is a lot for my mother to handle. I help the best I can, but I often feel like I can’t do enough to be a good help after her baby is born.
I am constantly researching things about pregnancy, birth, postpartum, babies, and more. I think instagram thinks i’m expecting at this point. But I’m not, and I’ve never been. I don’t know how to help in ways that are worthwhile. What can I do to truly make my mom as happy as possible? And to make this her best pregnancy experience yet?
I clean and make her breakfast (sometimes on breakfast… i tried to make her a snack yesterday and ended up just wasting food, and it’s things like that that make me wonder if I’m making things worse by trying to help. Maybe i’d just be getting in the way) but for some reason i feel like nothing is enough.
I know there’s only so much I can do. But sometimes i wish I could take the baby and raise him as my own away from her, so she could finally spend part of her just for herself, not taking care of others.
Also, I don’t have my drivers license, and don’t plan on getting it because the drivers where I live are very bad. We got in a car accident last month, and I’ve felt shaken up in the car ever since. I bring that up because it means i can’t go get stuff for her postpartum, unless I use my electric bike. I would like to be able to help in that way, though.
I just graduated high school, so I’ve been getting lots of money. I’ve been trying to either save it or spend it on the baby and my mom. I also have an internship for June that will make me over 1 or 2,000 dollars I can’t remember. I wanted to give it all to her. Maybe pay part of the hospital bill? I know those are really bad.
She’s also been stressed about money, I think. For some reason, her managers won’t give her shifts. Her partner works at the same place, but since he lives with his mom, he isn’t working and is focusing on pharmacy school stuff. Maybe i’m projecting my own feelings, (Because from time to time i resent them for getting pregnant) but i can imagine she’s upset he isn’t thinking ahead to all the things this baby will need.. all the expenses… etc.
Anyway, that was a lot of rambling, sorry. If anyone has advice for me on how to helpful without getting in the way, please let me know. I need it very much, and it’s eternally appreciated. Even if you just list off things people would’ve helped you with when you were pregnant and postpartum.
She doesn’t like me helping because i’m a (her) kid, but it feels like my duty as the eldest. I might update this if i remember more things but for now :) thank you

advice pregnancy
I’m not quite sure how to start this, but the main goal of this post is to hopefully gain some advice on how to be as much as a help to my mother (39F) as possible, through her third trimester and past postpartum.
For some context, this baby will be my mother’s fourth child, however, he’s her first child with her current boyfriend (35?M). The rest of us have the same father who she was married to for around 18 years, until a few years ago. She has been with her current partner for two years. (Their anniversary was recently)
My father was quite abusive and my mom was left to do most things regarding us children alone, as a very young woman.
I do not want this pregnancy to be anything like that. However, I’m not sure that her current partner is completely ready for this father role. Which is fair, considering this is his first child and this was an accidental pregnancy.
He has yet to move in with us, which I am sure my mother is concerned about, because he has had since December to do so and it is now late May. He is a slow person in general and takes his time, but my mother has expressed to him many times that she would like for him to be moved in as soon as possible. He lives with his mom and brother as a caregiver figure of sorts for his mother (To give him so grace… but it’s barely that). However, we live extremely close and it would be very easy for him to get to her.
This next piece of context is extremely important!! I have a brother (13) who is special needs. He has a chromosome disorder so rare he’s the only person on earth with it. It’s quite hard to explain, but he needs 24/7 supervision. And he’s not easy to manage. Thankfully, he has a caregiver that helps some days of the week. But on the days he doesn’t, he is a lot for my mother to handle. I help the best I can, but I often feel like I can’t do enough to be a good help after her baby is born.
I am constantly researching things about pregnancy, birth, postpartum, babies, and more. I think instagram thinks i’m expecting at this point. But I’m not, and I’ve never been. I don’t know how to help in ways that are worthwhile. What can I do to truly make my mom as happy as possible? And to make this her best pregnancy experience yet?
I clean and make her breakfast (sometimes on breakfast… i tried to make her a snack yesterday and ended up just wasting food, and it’s things like that that make me wonder if I’m making things worse by trying to help. Maybe i’d just be getting in the way) but for some reason i feel like nothing is enough.
I know there’s only so much I can do. But sometimes i wish I could take the baby and raise him as my own away from her, so she could finally spend part of her just for herself, not taking care of others.
Also, I don’t have my drivers license, and don’t plan on getting it because the drivers where I live are very bad. We got in a car accident last month, and I’ve felt shaken up in the car ever since. I bring that up because it means i can’t go get stuff for her postpartum, unless I use my electric bike. I would like to be able to help in that way, though.
I just graduated high school, so I’ve been getting lots of money. I’ve been trying to either save it or spend it on the baby and my mom. I also have an internship for June that will make me over 1 or 2,000 dollars I can’t remember. I wanted to give it all to her. Maybe pay part of the hospital bill? I know those are really bad.
She’s also been stressed about money, I think. For some reason, her managers won’t give her shifts. Her partner works at the same place, but since he lives with his mom, he isn’t working and is focusing on pharmacy school stuff. Maybe i’m projecting my own feelings, (Because from time to time i resent them for getting pregnant) but i can imagine she’s upset he isn’t thinking ahead to all the things this baby will need.. all the expenses… etc.
Anyway, that was a lot of rambling, sorry. If anyone has advice for me on how to helpful without getting in the way, please let me know. I need it very much, and it’s eternally appreciated. Even if you just list off things people would’ve helped you with when you were pregnant and postpartum.
She doesn’t like me helping because i’m a (her) kid, but it feels like my duty as the eldest. I might update this if i remember more things but for now :) thank you

Honestly I’m still so ashamed and embarrassed but this story is also mostly funny. So I work on a boat as a scuba instructodive guide, and we were on our way to the first dive site and I was just standing around on my phone. My stomach was feeling pretty upset but I had just taken a bunch of medicine because I’ve been sick so I figured it was just the medicine.
I almost trusted a fart but then realized it would be a mistake. But then for some unknown reason I thought maybe it was a fart and I really really had to fart, and all the sudden I feel something in my pants and know I’ve just shit myself.
But it gets worse, I feel it run down my legs and see it on the floor. I make the split second decision to walk away calmly and pretend nothing happened because no one seemed to notice. So I casually walk over and face my ass to the dash so no one can see the diarrhea streaking down my leg. And moments later one of my coworkers was like “What was that???? Did someone poop their pants” And I’m just like “I have no idea”
And he started giving me a weird look and I really thought I was caught and considered just breaking and telling him and hoping somehow he’d understand. But I was determined to keep going so I just kept pretending I had no idea. And asked him if I should clean it up with an engine diaper (disposable cloth, not important)
And he’s like “I mean I would”
And then I go “wait I’ll go look and see if we have any toilet paper in the head” So I back myself down to the head, making sure to keep my butt facing the dash.
As soon as I’m down there I quickly wiped the shit off my legs with the diaper, throw it away and frantically checked to make sure you couldn’t see it on my shorts from the back. I was wearing white shorts.
And by some grace of God my crime was only visible from the bottom, again I was wearing white shorts. I can only believe that providence saved me.
Anyways I went back up with the toilet paper but another coworker had already rinsed it.
And then she came up to me and was like “Do you know what that was??? I mean I know what it looked like but…”
And again I was just like “I have no idea”
This was like 8:30/9 in the morning, beginning of the day, I’ve still got two dives ahead of me before we get back to the dock.
Thank goodness I was guiding that day that way I could rinse it all off 😭. Anyways I did the dives, texted my roommate and asked if she could bring me a change of pants, I told her “I perioded myself”. And then I asked off for the afternoon and was able to get cut.
Also my boyfriend was on the boat and was trying to get me to take his shift in the afternoon and I told him “Nope, I can’t be here anymore” And he begged me to tell him why but I couldn’t tell him then in case he gave me away by his reaction. So I texted him about it later.
All I could think about was number one how embarrassed I was, but number two (no pun intended) how in the hell did I get away with it????
I don’t know if no one truly noticed or if someone did and just didn’t have the heart to say anything. But either way glad the whole boat didn’t see it or I would’ve had to quit and leave the country.
So to anyone on here who’s feeling really embarrassed or ashamed about something, I hope my story makes you feel a little better about whatever you’re embarrassed about 😂.
EDIT: For reference this only happened yesterday and I don’t know how to look my coworkers in the face 😭. I’m so embarrassed I cried just thinking about it today, I genuinely cannot believe that happened I keep thinking it was a bad dream. And also I spilled it to my high roommate and coworker just to get it off my chest 😂.
TLDR: I shit my pants at work and it got on the floor, and I’m hoping no one saw.

(I’m pretty pissed rn so i’m just blabbering and not sure if it will make sense). I (20f) met my friend group that consists of 5. I’ll be giving fake names, Danny, Ivan, Ivory and Daisy. I met them in my second semester of university. This particular “friend” Daisy specifically in the friend group stood out the most since she was the first one I became friends with and got along right away. We started hanging out more with the rest of the group 3rd semester (2nd year fall semester). At that time I was dating my boyfriend (still am) who is abroad right now, so I haven’t seen him for a while. They were aware about him and at that time I was already dealing with a sh*tty roommate, so I was hanging out their dorm constantly. But once 3rd semester came around then we started spending Fridays and Saturdays at Daisy’s dorm. Keep in mind my dorm was a 25 min walk and near a forest and I would get home usually around 12am. Those days we chose to hang out we got high together and it became our norm. Somewhere in late September and Early October I started having really serious issues with my boyfriend and he honestly wasn’t treating me well at that time and I told my friends, because he brought up the plan of marriage and I was hesitant when the group asked me if I really wanted to marry him. Late October I was telling Daisy about it and she told me its best to break things off with him and how she did the same with her ex boyfriend because he was bad for her, and I’m pretty sure she says she misses him (but yeah I kinda forgot). I really didn’t want to breakup with him but I knew I needed to cut him off, so I got home at midnight and called him and broke up with him and instantly regret it. I was already dealing with so much other shit and I almost una****d my self after. But plans didn’t work so I kept my mouth shut. (I’ll get to the point I promise.) Late December I got news that a contract i signed over a year ago with a friend whose father owned a business offered me a job meaning I was going to move to another country. ( I ended up changing the contact for a later year) I would be super close to my boyfriend and I was pretty hesitant since so much had changed and I called my boyfriend who was my ex at that time and told him everything and we talked for a while. Long story short we missed each other a lot and we acknowledged that we both did terrible stuff but in the end if we worked it out together then our relationship could work. We set boundaries and rules for us to follow and we are currently together and I’m really happy right now. I didn’t tell my friends about me getting back with him because I knew they would be upset which I understand. I told Ivory first in late March and I asked for her to be understanding that he changed and she was upset but told me that she’ll always support me and be there for me which I needed to hear. Daisy didn’t find out until 2 weeks before my birthday and Daisy was super pissed at me and ever since she was cold and rude, ending all the convos with the gc that replied to me with periods. Since January I’ve noticed that Daisy would be pretty rude and only think about herself mainly and not the rest of us. There would be some days where I would ask if we can hang out at my place instead and I would always hear the same thing how my place was too far and that it’ll be late when they leave which did annoy me a lot since that was exactly how I went home. I walked back home a lot at midnight, ALONE and high. The 2 times they had came over they all left as a group since Daisy, Ivan and Danny lived in the same building and they would drop off Ivory on the way, while I was the only one who lived the furthest. When we would hang out at Daisy’s place she would ask what we wanted to watch we give ideas and would usually 85% of the time say no to our suggestions and pick the movies she wanted to watch instead. None of us have cars so we rented zipcars and I noticed a while after that when it was only convenient for her and when she was the one who needed groceries then she would text us like the day before or the day and sometimes an hour or so before of whenever she needed to run errands and when we weren’t able too then she would get mad. But when it came to us asking if we can go then she didn’t want too or was low on money which that one i understand. She would get pissed or annoyed a lot at Ivory for being herself sometimes, which honestly imo it pissed me off so much for the way how Daisy was with her. I slowly started distancing myself from the group for a while since I had my own shit going on and I was getting overwhelmed with it. My breaking point was when 2 weeks before my birthday Daisy found out about my boyfriend and went radio silent with me and was ignoring me in the gc and I remember her reposting posts on insta that were targeting me. I sound selfish but I was really looking forward to my birthday, but a week before my birthday I got a call that my mom was in the hospital and I was 12 hours away from her and I was an emotional wreck because I was just hearing she was dying. I didn’t tell my friends about it. I was FaceTiming my boyfriend and crying to him because I felt so alone and needed someone, but I figured celebrating with my friends would kind of help distract me. Since a lot of uni students were doing “peacefully protests”, my campus was shut down and there were many cops on campus and we werent allowed back on campus or else we would get arrested or idk. But the day before my birthday Ivory texted me saying (copied and pasted) “Daisy and Netty would have to walk across campus for it and I asked if there was a way to cancel it still and Dulce said yeah and I was like I don’t want yall to get arrested and then Dulce is being weird and was like “then we’ll cancel it problem solved” and long story short the car has been cancelled”. The plan was that we were going to rent a zipcar and get jack in the box and dutch and then head over to Daisy’s dorm (which i didn’t want and asked if we can maybe do it at my place) and just hang out. But I really didn’t feel like walking 30 minutes back to my dorm (since I couldn’t walk through campus and had to go around). But I’m not sure it just got confusing and in the end everything was canceled and being sad was an understatement. I was really sad about it because it would be my first birthday party with a group of friends who I thought were my actual friends. The day of my birthday and got myself a tiny cake and celebrated by myself in my dorm. Ever since my “amazing” birthday I was just depressed and figured it was time for me to move on to the next chapter of my life. ( I had other problems with my life besides them.) Right before school ended i texted the gc that I was leaving and never coming back and I miss Ivory because she was a really good friend and I miss her a lot.. can’t say much about Daisy because today I posted an instagram story note saying “(uni name) is is greedy and mean just like em. glad im gone” i got sent a letter saying how the school was asking me to pay the remaining medical bill which was like 144$ and idk it just reminded me of the many rude people i came across on my campus. I wasn’t directing it at her until she posted her own insta note and it said “ that’s so crazy, not my fault your delusional” which i know was directed at me. I want to text her and call her out for her the stuff she had done and tell her to grow up. But I’m not sure if I should just block her and move on. I kind of need closure and advice on how to handle the situation.

my family situation is complicated. I have two grandparents on my paternal side that are alive, and one grandparent on my maternal side. my maternal grandmother stole my mother’s inheritance from her father’s will when he passed, and it’s not that my mom cared about the money. it’s just hard to allow someone to remain in your life when they steal from you, especially during such a vulnerable time in your life, as a family member. my paternal grandparents are another story. my grandfather is attentive and comes to every life event, though with his age and one leg, it’s been harder for him to get out in recent years. he is the sole caregiver from my grandma so he is forced to get out daily though. however, he recently broke his back. and my parents and I are her caregivers now. my grandmother is mentally ill, and hasn’t left the house in over 10 years. she missed my high school and college graduation, my sisters wedding, and my sisters graduate and masters graduations. I assume both grandmothers will miss my wedding and graduation from nursing school. for the last few years, my grandpa has been the only reason she had food each day, and clean clothes, despite her being hateful towards him. when I see her, she continuously tells me she wants to die (she is only 78 and is in relatively good health, no cancer, no diseases), auctioning off her items when I see her. however, she doesn’t take care of herself, and has let her teeth rot, her eyesight is so bad that she uses binoculars to see my face, and her toenails are 4 inches long. she won’t let my grandpa help her with her hygiene, and she refuses to do it for herself. the only thing she talks to me about is the news. she will begin with the new gossip, then move onto the wars in the world and end with how it is all the plan of God, and how the end times are upon us. every time. i’ve been holding out, hoping that she’ll change trying to talk sense into her (shower, stop talking to me like i’m an audience, be nice to your husband). I realized that i’m literally mourning her while she is still alive. i’m longing for the grandmother figure I never had. comparison is the thief of all happiness. I can assure you. I compare my grandmothers to my friends’, boyfriend’s and random people on tik tok’s grandmothers. it’s so unfair. I wish I could tell you all about the great memories I have with my grandmothers, and how many life lessons they taught me. but I can’t. for as long as I can remember (23 years), I have never had a conversation that I would consider normal with my grandmothers. i’ve never been able to go to them for advice, or make cookies with them at christmas time, I never wished to go to their houses when I was little, and I truly forgot what my maternal grandmother looked like because she burned her bridges to my family so long ago. I want to give myself permission to mourn the grandmother figures I wanted to have. I want to grieve the image i’ve had in my head all these years to move on from this world of hurt I live in.

My girlfriend (19F) and I (18M) are getting married in a few weeks. We sent out invitations, but we didn't invite her best friend, "B." B and my girlfriend have known each other since elementary school but only became close in the last two years. I also knew B since elementary school, but we never spoke until we ended up in the same college elective. I introduced myself, and we had about five brief and general conversations. She seemed chill and nothing out of the ordinary.
Months later, I started dating my girlfriend. During a conversation, I found out that B had been badmouthing me to her. B didn't know my girlfriend and I were dating, and my girlfriend felt uncomfortable telling her because of B's negative comments. According to my girlfriend, whenever I was mentioned, B would make wild assumptions about me, like claiming I was trying to talk to a lot of girls. Every time I was slightly brought up, my girlfriend noticed a shift in B's tone, making it clear B didn't particularly like me. This was shocking because, in my brief interactions with B, I had been nothing but respectful, friendly, and polite.
Eight months into our relationship, I urged my girlfriend to tell B that we were dating. B apologized to me, saying she didn't mean any of it and tha just hates on people for fun. I dismissed her previous behavior, and we all hung out once after that, which went well. Months later, B asked my girlfriend about marriage and how she and I had probably talked about it. At that stage of our lives, we weren't thinking about marriage, so my girlfriend gave a general answer like, “We've talked a bit about it, but nothing serious yet. We're so young." According to my girlfriend, B spent hours insisting that she should give me an ultimatum about marriage, suggesting she should threaten to break up with me if I didn't commit. My girlfriend tried to change the topic, but B kept discussing it for hours.
Recently, my girlfriend and B had an argument about B's behavior. While I was giving my girlfriend advice, she received an Instagram message from B with a meme about a girl moving on from her ex, captioned with my name and laughing emojis. This felt like B was mocking our relationship. Given all this, I told my girlfriend I didn't want to invite B to our wedding unless she really wanted to.
My girlfriend was unsure since B has been her best friend for many years, but she didn't get mad at me for not sending an invitation to B, so we didn't. Now, B is bombarding me with messages, demanding to know why she wasn't invited and making me feel like I'm the bad guy.
NEW UPDATE: So since then everyone agreed with my take and not wanting to invite her to the wedding and I showed my gf and she agreed kinda. Now since then she and the best friend talked and my gf confronted her about everything.
Girlfriend: “Hey B, remember that post you sent me?”
B: “Yeah, what about it?”
Girlfriend: “Well, I was with him the other day, and he saw it too. We were both like, ‘What’s this?’ I felt weird about it and was wondering where it came from. Even though it seemed pretty straightforward, I was curious about what you meant by it.”
B: “Wait, omg, he saw that? He wasn’t supposed to see it!”
Girlfriend: “Yeah, but it was weird to send even if it was just for me.”
B: “Okay, it was purely a joke poking fun at the fact that we used to have fake beef.”
Girlfriend: “I get what you mean, but the post seemed like it was taking a dig at our relationship, not just a lighthearted joke about my boyfriend.”
B: “I understand why you feel weird about it now. I didn’t see it that way at all. My intention was different, but your feelings are valid.”
Girlfriend: “Yeah, but you know, it’s not a great feeling to see something like that. I’m sure he doesn’t appreciate you sending me stuff like that because he knows how close we are. It comes off as weird, like you’re against our relationship.”
B: “I completely get that. Please tell him I didn’t mean it that way at all. I’m just silly and send stupid posts all the time.”
Girlfriend: “Okay, I’ll let him know. But what’s your plan going forward?”
B: “I’m definitely going to try to be more mindful about what I’m sending. I didn’t think about how it would look, even though it was straightforward to interpret. I maybe want to have a chat with him as well to sort things out and show I’m apologetic. But I’ll sleep on it first because this is a lot.”
Although she’s not invited my gf is reconsidering inviting her which somewhat annoys me. My gf doesn’t have many friends so I understand why she doesn’t wanna let go of her but at the same time I was hoping for more of a harsh outcome rather than this casual conversation.

Alright here we go, my boyfriend (25M) and I (25F) have been datinfg for 3 and a half years. We are in a monogamous relationship, so have only been with each other. However, I would say the first year our sexual intimacy was very regular 3-4 times a week and then after that it has significantly decreased. I am going to focus on this past year, just to give context. March 2023 I brought up how I noticed a lack of sexual desire/pursue on his end for me and how it made me feel unattractive, unwanted, not desired. He handled that well and changed habits like total 180 and it improved for maybe a month or two, then slowly went back. Well here we are May 2024. Been more than a year since the first I brought this up and it’s gotten worse with the periods between. It’s been 3 months since anything sexual has happened in my relationship. We hold hands, we kiss, but that is the extent. To be honest it’s fucking blows. We are both in shape, fairly attractive people. I could argue to say I look better now than we first started dating but idk. I brought it up the other day again and all he says is that he’s sorry. I have heard every excuse under the sun as to why it never happens : (1) I’m too tired, (2) I think I have low T, (3) you go to sleep too early , (4) sexual intimacy does not mean sex for me. I have tried on multiple occasions to pursue the act and I get shut down or he finds a way to like get out of it.
Is it bad of me to think he could be cheating on me? I never thought he would be the one but at this point I don’t know what else to think. I need some insight from a male.
TIA

I finally trusted you again and I'm heart broken. I thought we were at at point where we would eventually be able to work through this together. It wasn't there yet but, there was hope again.
You were becoming a good Dad and a caring romantic partner.
I've had glimmers of hope through out the years:
-Fruit strip gum and 5th grade mouth shirt.
-When you asked me out in 6th grade and we had a homework date, with your weird nice Dad on his dial up internet.
-When you kissed me on my roof, while I was wearing my striped Contempo belly shirt (the next time we hung out you asked if you could pick Rosemary's sunflowers to give to Rae)
-When we went to homecoming together (but you took shrooms with Vinnie, so you were off, we danced a little.)
-When we had strange sex on your dorm room couch (my first time.) Followed by you discarding me when we were supposed to hang out next, after having my Mom drive 3 hours to get you, you didn't hang out with me when we got home. You NEEDED to go to the mall with again, Rae. I guess not a glimmer.
-Then I guess we were sex friends and kind of together, you spent lots of time at my house. You were so kind to my family (other than the time we got my 11 year old brother high and potentially ruined his mental health forever. This timeline isn't accurate but I thought of it.

• You were kind to my brother. Thank you for that. You really were a great brother in law to him. Be probably misses you.

-When you moved in with me . You had no where else to go but I pretended it was because you wanted to be with me. (We had some good times there, our room was toxic)
-We did ecstasy and had sex the football field. That was fun.
-You introduced me to your cold, cold family. They told/tell me I'm family too but that dynamic is weird. I don't envy that upbringing.
-We were a long distance couple but it was official. I ruined my education to make it work. I don't really regret that you're better than an education at that school.

• You told me a ghost told you we had to be together. I believed that piece only. Blocked out all the red flags, including Jessica (we've gone over that enough.) Dropped out of college and ran to you. You went back to her.

-She dumped you (finally, how many abortions later?) and you called me and played the thrown away song (not a glimmer, I was just glad you broke up, remember I made a decision to love you when I was 13.)
-You got jealous that I had a boyfriend and I brought his dog home from Florida. We had sex on my Mom's porch.
-You came down to Florida and saw I had good friends and was doing ok without you, you wanted me back (but you wanted to keep fucking all the strange that you were fucking and were ok with me doing the same until we got back together. I never touched anyone after that call, I don't care if you did.)
-Our Fernwood house was nice, I loved that you got me Stoops. You punched a hole in the door that I fixed witb painters plaster and we hung out with Jamie too much ( one night while I was sleeping I think something might have happened with you two but if you read everything before this you can see I'm not feeling secure in this relationship so who knows.)
-You were nice to my family, you loved my Mom and could converse with "Cool Cal," Diane and Jackie (they're tough.)

• You started talking about the band. You played a song (I didn't think it was that good, I didn't tell you that.) I wanted you to be famous, you deserve that. You're amazing!

-We went to California. You were so anxious and cruel the day we left. Then you told me you "just wanted to take care of me." My Mom told me to never be with someone who said that, that's what my Dad said to her. I didn't listen.

• You never got a job when we lived in Caifornia, I was OK with that. No one else was including Jesse. You took care of the house and made me food and really seemed to love me. I was happy. (I don't care if you did weird shit on tour, you came back to me,)

-We came back to Michigan, we built a home. We were broke and lost together.

• We went to Karen and Tom's wedding, I was proud to have you by my side, we were in love and I was pregnant.

-YOU DID NOT WANT KIDS (you told me this when we were about 17, you said you wanted to be with me but didn't want kids, maybe we would adopt when we were older.)
-I'm sorry I never listened to your words and tried to wish you into the person I dreamed you were. That's too much to live up to. I really am sorry I do this.
-We had the kids and they make all of this worth it.
-We didn't have 1 of them. I couldn't have another one without your support. We had sex on the washing machine and you told me you loved me and we could keep that baby. The next day you changed your mind. I didn't really want to do it again either but it felt good for a few minutes that you were agreeing to one.
-I cried and cried at that appointment once I was called back, you hardly looked at me while we were waiting, you were stoic. I couldn't have anymore kids with someone that didn't want them.
-I saw a blue meteor, I thought we should buy the blue house. The one I knew you would love, that came up on Zillow from time to time. I never told you about it because it was way too much work. Only the best version of both of us could handle that house.
-Zelda came, I was so happy for that one glimmer when that test was negative. But it wasn't.
-You told me "don't expect anything from me when that baby comes." I should have listened to your words
-Covid- I have writing longer than this and pictures of all the horrible, violent, heinous shit you said when that hit. I thought we would reset and bond and spend quality family time. Ha, see above. What the fuck is wrong with me? I have hope.
-Divorce. You threatened to kill me and all our kids. That's probably time to stop pretending this is working.
-I didn't stop pretending, we kept on. I held you and excused you and supported you. I fucked you with a passion I could never give you before because really it was already over and it didn't matter.
-It started to matter, you were helpful and kind again. You had your set backs but you seemed ready to finally commit to me and the kids.

• You went nuts, I soldiered on trying to make a living to support 3 kids, putting my interests on the shelf. I pushed you away so they wouldn't have to see you like that. I wanted to help you but I needed to protect them more.

-I asked you to get yourself help, you did.
-You called me a trigger and found your support from other women and not me.
-I feel lost without you, this is what I know.
-I feel like you can finally protect and love the kids.
-That's good!
-I'm strong but I need support too. You can't give that to me. I am choosing not to love you so I can find someone who will.

• I let you do this because I choose to love you. Why did you do?

*This shit is really a cycle and I've spun out at 43. I don't regret any of it, he gave me 3 beautiful kids. I was trying to me positive with this but almost every poitive thing is riddled with underlying negative that I pretended wasn't there at the time. *
If he/she's great but constantly makes makes you feel uneasy it's time to go!
Night, night 🌙 strong ladies and gents!

I think my only option is to completely resign as a stepparent. I desperately need advice about sustaining a marriage with polar opposite parenting styles, & how to deal with teenage boys with no manners or basic hygiene.
There is a lot of background here I will try to keep as to-the-point as possible. I am 34 with a 10 year-old daughter. My husband is 39 with a 15 year-old son. We each had kids at 23. We are 5 years apart, as are our kids. We were also friends for 5 years before “courting” & built a strong bond of trust already, so yes, we courted. I had rejected him a few times over the years, as I was abstinent after a toxic relationship & did not want to repeat the same patterns. Over the covid lockdowns, we started talking, texting, facetiming more than ever. When he asked me out again, I told him I was not interested in dating without the ultimate goal of marriage, to which he said, “Good. I don’t want a girlfriend, I want a wife.” 3 months later, we became engaged & our marriage is truly amazing & fulfilling in so nearly every way except one - my daughter & I, some of the most playful & outgoing outdoorsy girls you could meet, have no idea how to connect to his son. And there is nothing to make me think it is worth even trying anymore.
Miraculously, husband & I both get along extremely well with our co-parents. I could not see myself with someone that doesn’t. Neither of us have court orders or child support or rigid schedules. My daughter’s bio dad is one of my best friends, & I made very clear that a relationship with me means respecting his role. He said the same of his son’s bio mom. I come from a very blended family in which this is the ideal. My parents were at each other’s weddings & all get along & still get together. Our own coparents attended our wedding a year & a half ago. And that meant the absolute world to me & hopefully if not now, someday our kids.
For sure, my husband could not be a better stepfather. He & my daughter share inside jokes & their own games & pranks. She has her own nickname for him & will run to him & hug & climb all over him. They convinced me to add baby goats to our homestead, & have been tending to & bottle-feeding them both, a beautiful connection & commitment to share. He says, “She makes it easy.” And to put it lightly, his son does not - but I am absolutely not allowed to talk about it without getting ridiculed.
I first met the son when he was 13. Overweight, awkward, all of his hair in front of his eyes. He then retreated to his room. I know him to be the exact same now. He is 6’0 & I think over 200lbs, larger than my dad. He defaults to locking himself in his room. Unless asked to help stack wood or play a game with the rest of us, he only emerges to use the bathroom (in which he never brushes his teeth or washes his hands), or ask his dad for food - of which, he literally only eats yellow rice & chicken. He will otherwise smash an entire bag of “Takis” or flaming hot Cheetos at 10 AM & continuously throughout the day as they are available to him. He plays live multiplayer games from morning often to midnight or 3 AM, with my daughter’s room right next to him, where I blast the fan & AC & ocean sounds to drown him out. Calling this out seemed to be calling stepson out personally, so all I can do is adapt. Daughter thankfully likes it cold.
I have tried to be as soft & supportive in airing my grievances to husband, but they are never taken with grace or accountability. I am not perfect & have definitely been passive aggressive with his reactivity, as he takes my issues as insults rather than something to work on. He casts blame on bio mom or Covid, & now me. “I don’t know what goes on at bio-mom’s house, we moved an hour away & he gets carsick! I’m out of his life!” “It’s because he was stuck inside for 2 years!” “Are you sure you didn’t HEAR him say hi?” “Good news, I’ve been living with him 15 years, never sanitized a doorknob in his life, & I’ve been fine!” “I wouldn’t want to leave my room with you criticizing his every move either!”
Our first night in our new home for example, was a nightmare. My hand lotion moved from the bathroom counter to the back of the toilet - so then into our room immediately. He left the toilet seat open & my razor covered in pubes. He left open bags of chips with crumbs all over the counter. “It’s an adjustment, it’s hard on everyone!” Husband said over & over. This was an understatement, being that my daughter has been raised to ask for anything from snack time to screen time always with “please,” “thank you,” & we eat out of bowls that we put in the sink rather than stack in our room with soda cans & candy wrappers.. I am familiar with the saying, “Living room kids come from healthy families. Bedroom kids do not.” Daughter is a living room kid. Stepson is a bedroom kid. Either way, I had never had personal items used without asking &felt extremely violated by stepson, then upset that husband blamed me for it instead of understanding where I was coming from.
This remains true nearly a year later. My husband has started lashing out while drinking the past few months, accusing me of “HATING” his son, which is extremely hurtful as I do not harbor any hate in my heart for anyone. What I disdain is the way he is raising his son under our shared roof & living spaces, & that he refuses to acknowledge or communicate about it. As things were not greatly improving, I personally had a talk with stepson about basic manners. I said, “When you enter this house without a greeting or making eye contact, it is an insult. It comes off as rude & entitled & I don’t like feeling like a ghost in my own house. This is your house too & I want you to feel comfortable. But you can help me feel more comfortable too.” “Yeah, okay. Sorry.”
I have truly never had a real conversation with this kid. He does say “hi” & “bye” & the occasional “thank you” now. At this point, it is abundantly clear that he does not want me in a step role, & neither does his father, & neither does bio mom. So it seems I have no choice but to let it all go & suffer bad manners & hygiene, silence, & now bitter resentment from husband.
What I have observed is that I actually“coparent” with my daughter’s father. We coordinate around each other’s schedules, we make decisions together, we communicate about her physical, emotional, spiritual, educational, & social wellbeing. Husband & bio mom do not. They parent in isolation & simply let the other do as they please, which has resulted in a child without manners or discipline. This has led bio mom to put the kid on PROZAC without husband’s consent. This horrified me, as someone who only goes to the doctor for stitches. My daughter’s doctor is the naturopath who midwived her in the bedroom she still sleeps in at her father’s house. I understand not everyone is as holistically minded, but I begged husband to get him to a nutritionist first. The child is obese & malnourished. But too late. Bio mom did as she pleased without communication, which seems constant among them.
I have not shared my views as I know they are not welcome. Bio mom is medicated, her other 10 year-old son (deceased dad) is medicated, & now teenage stepson is as well. Husband blames our distance from him which feels like an indirect blame on me, as we are closer to my community & business as husband works from home. But truly they live in the ghetto, & I have always lived on the coast & barely like to drive through those inner cities. I set up a high school tour for them here which is one of the best schools in the state with a tech program I thought stepson would love, but he chose to stay with his friends, in one of the worst schools of the state. He incredibly won class president, though has dropped a bunch of honors classes & continues failing others.
My birthday was last week. When my husband asked what I wanted, I said baby back ribs & family. I just wanted to grill & chill due to an insane work week. I run a housekeeping business & worked for 24 hours in 3 days opening up for the summer rental season. I did not want to go crazy hosting & knew I would if we invited friends. “Are you sure? You wouldn’t be hosting, I will be! You don’t have to do a thing!” He emphasized over & again. So when a friend ended up visiting from out of state, I was ecstatic to invite her & our mutual close friend to BBQ with us. They are single moms with 4 toddlers between them & wanted to camp on our land.
We had a great day grilling & running the sprinkler & feeding the animals. Husband had promised stepson would be outside with us all day. Toward the evening, I asked where he was. “Do you see any other teenagers out there? What’s he supposed to do?” I was hurt. “Well I don’t see any 10 year-olds either, but [daughter] is still out there, & you actually said he would spend the whole day with us. I just want some time all together.” Husband knocked on his son’s door & said, “Hey it’s her birthday, it’d be nice if you come out & spend some time with us.” Then he did, & even if it was just a quick basketball game with his dad & he introduced himself to no one, it still meant so much to me.
So later when we had helped friends & toddlers set up a tent & fire in our woods, I hugged husband & thanked him for bringing stepson out with us, saying family time was all I wanted. “You two have such a healthy relationship,” my friend says. At the time, it uplifted him & he said he loved this friend to death. A few hours later, he said it was “hilarious.”
We had invited stepson’s mom, but she was out of town. My coparent joined us however, & he & husband stayed at camp with the moms & toddlers while I went to tuck daughter into bed around 9. We played some trivia to unwind, said a prayer, & I kissed her good night & went to start the dishes. Husband & coparent came back around 11 when I was ready to go to bed myself. They were suddenly on a completely different level as my slow & steady beer intake. Both their legs were gashed & covered in blood from their hike without a flashlight, which they thought was hysterical. They were loud & silly like, “You can’t go to bed, it’s your birrrfday!” & I realized, ah. They were drinking my girls’ tequila.
Coparent went on a drunk spiel thanking me so much for all the love I am, how I keep the family together, this & that & showering me with slurred praise. Husband was drunkenly yet enthusiastically agreeing & thanking me, saying I was the best. I tried staying up with them to be polite but they were so deep in conversation on a different level that I went to go make the baby goat formula for their 5AM feeding & go to bed. But I couldn’t find their bottles. I raised my hand with the men, gradually higher & higher to ask husband if he had seen them. “I see you have your hand raised, but hang on, let me finish this point,” coparent said. So husband finally noticed, & I cut in anyway asking if he had seen them. “As a matter of fact, no, YOU fed the goats last so I have no IDEA where they are,” he raised his voice, literally pointing a finger at me.
That suddenly spiraled into another drunken heated accusation of how much I hate his son. I started crying & saying all I wanted was for him to be with us today & that I was grateful he brought him out. He fought me saying they can never have a good weekend because of me, called me an “@$$hole,” & said “F you ,” 3 times in a row, upsetting me so much as there was absolutely nothing I could say, to the point I slugged him in the arm to get him to stop. This has happened twice before embarrassingly with alcohol, when he just yells & yells things that are not true & curses at me that I can’t even respond vocally. “You see how she treats me?!” Both men of course freaked out & coparent started yelling at me to listen to husband. This essentially turned into 2 hours of incessant berating from both of them. They both cried during their own tangents. It spun out of asking for baby goat bottles & continued til 2 AM with, for the first time, continual threats of divorce.
“You are not in this relationship & do not need to mediate it,” I told coparent.
“Like it or not, I am! How you treat husband affects all of us! His feelings are VALID & you need to be quiet & listen to him!” he said.
“I’ve heard this all before & it is simply not true! I do not hate stepson & he wants to divorce me because he thinks I do!”
“Emotions cause us to say things we don’t mean, he does not want to divorce you & knows you don’t hate him,” coparent said.
“Oh no, I DEFINITELY believe she hates him. And if I have to spend the last 4 years of his youth with my son being constantly criticized, I will absolutely divorce her!”
“I did not criticize him once today! I never criticize him, I am trying to help us become a functional household!”
And he just went round & round in the same circular aggressions that can only hear themselves. I continually begged for them to stop yelling as daughter’s window was open, the baby goats needed sleep, our rabbits didn’t need that stress. But I got yelled at more for that. “You can’t control passion & you need to sit down & LISTEN to your husband!” Coparent kept insisting. But I had heard it all many times before. I even tried to sleep in the goat pen, trying to settle the poor babies, still hearing the men raise their voices about me, how being critical was just my nature, & then got yelled out of there.
Around midnight, I tried to resign again & go back inside to finish dishes when stepson emerged. “Do you know where Dad is?” “Oh he’s outside, you can probably save him from [daughter’s dad].” He went into the bathroom. So I poked my head out while they continued bashing me & said, “Stepson needs you.” “I’ll be right there.” I went back to the dishes. Stepson comes out of the bathroom. As always, flushes, no faucet (or hand-washing). “He says he’ll be right there sweetie.” No words, back into his bedroom. 10 minutes go by & still no husband as I continue the endless dishes. I poke my head out again. “Did you not hear me? Your son needs you.” “ALL RIGHT!”
Turns out he needed dinner. Despite a huge spread of barbecue & potatoes & corn & pasta & salad & veggies & dips, stepson touched none of it & needed his chicken & yellow rice. So husband literally cooked him dinner at 1230AM, all the while continuing to accuse me of hating him whilst doing so.
Coparent authentically apologized the next morning on the phone. “You screamed at me for HOURS when I was ready for bed to listen to falsities I have heard over & over without ONCE trying to hear me.” He got it. He humbled & admitted specific wrongs & I accepted his apology.
“Sorry” does not seem to mean anything when you throw around the “D” word like that though. Husband pledged to stop drinking. To his credit, 3 days later, he still hasn’t. But when I said, “If you think I am capable of hate, you don’t know me at all,” the best apology he could give me was, “I’m sorry, I don’t think you hate him. But I know you don’t like him.” Then, “I don’t want to divorce you. I feel like I ruined our entire lives in one night.”
I told him that this is going to take more than “sorry” to heal, especially where blame is still cast, & he will have to “show” me. I don’t even know how, through more conscientious parenting? We haven’t slept in the same bed in 3 nights. I haven’t cooked for him, but I still clean after him. We finished some homestead projects in near-silence together.
I think I must resign to being the invisible ghost stepson makes me feel like. Do I have ANY role here but to resign & accept his parenting & continue mine with my daughter alone, while he reaps the benefits of an amazing relationship with her? Isolation parenting just like with stepson’s biomom ? If not for my daughter & our animals & gardens, I would just want to lock myself in a room all day too. But that’s what is so hard for me to get. We have nearly 30 acres & this child is permitted to be a blob on a screen living on empty calories all day & night. I cannot & will not blame a child for anything. I told my husband that when a plant isn’t thriving, you nourish it & improve its environment. He said he didn’t get it. And as deeply as I love him & don’t want to even think about divorce, I have never been so unattracted to him.

14th: Jud “Fabio” Birza (Nicaragua - Winner)

MOVIE STAR JUD \"FABIO\" BIRZA
u/SMC0629:
Fabio, my second favorite winner of the entire show, he’s just too much fun. He perfectly encapsulates the trainwreck that is Nicaragua, and is the best winner for it as well. He gets to the end by just being himself, a decent amount of luck, physical strength, and a tiny bit of strategy. I know there’s some who seem to think Fabio is brought down by this factor of the edit building him up to know what he was doing, apparently undermining everything before the endgame. If you ask me though, who’s to say he DIDN’T have a tiny strategic mind in there? It seemed perfectly reasonable and in character for me, and it only improved him for me. Love Fabio, so happy he made it this far.
~
u/DryBonesKing:
From the same editing program that watered down Mike Gabler from OTT weirdo to a CP-lite strategic player “hiding in plain sight”, we have his prototype - the OTT blond surfer-bro that the players literally changed his name from Jud to Fabio because of how he comes across that gets a watered down CP-lite strategic edit of “they don’t realize I’m actually really smart, y’all!” Quit being cowards CBS! Give us the Goofball Fabio winner edit! #LetFabioBeFuckingWeird
I stand by the Gabler-Fabio comparison, but despite how much I dislike how the CP-edit kills Gabler’s character potential, I think Nicaragua does somehow make it work with Fabio. I blame the cast itself; with people like NaOnka, Marty, Jimmy T, Jane, Shannon, Dan Lembo, and whatever the fuck a “Benry” is supposed to be, “Fabio” almost does come across sane in comparison. As such, he can get these confessionals about pretending to be dumb and it does almost work just because the people he is surrounded by just feel literally ripped from Loony Tunes.
But despite it kinda working here, I do think Fabio is hilarious when he’s just allowed to be this weirdo that no one takes seriously, that ultimatley ends up winning because he’s surrounded by two people who have truly pissed off the jury. He’s a fun character with a truly unique winner’s story, and ultimately, I just REALLY dig his vibe. I wish I had him Top 100. But I also just wish we got a full season with the “real” Fabio as opposed to the occasional cuts to CBS trying to water him down to his most strategically-presentable version. #LetFabioBeFuckingWeird #ReleaseTheFabioOTTWinnerEdit
Overall Rank – 115/821
~
u/Zanthosus:
While I’ve never been as big on Nicaragua as many in the rankdown circle, I still appreciate a lot of what the season does and represents. And I think that Fabio’s win is the perfect ending for the clusterfuck of a season that preceded it.
~
u/Tommyroxs45:
Fabio’s run on Nicaragua is simply iconic and is a great way for the season to end. Having this likable underdog beast his way to the end under all odds against him is so satisfying. I’m happy he made this endgame even if I personally don’t have him here.
u/Regnisyak1:
Fabio is cool. I have him probably lower than a lot of people comparatively, but he was a ray of sunshine on such a negative season, and his win coming out of nowhere was great. He played the surfer bro role correctly, and while I don’t think he necessarily had the greatest ability to lead a season, he is a necessary feature in making it thrive and giving it such a large cult following here. Glad he made it after a long gap.
Personal Rank: 77/821. 9/10.
~
u/ninjedi1:
Jud “Fabio” Birza (1st Place, Nicaragua)
I love Fabio. He’s easily one of my favorite winners of all time. Every time I reevaluate my winners rankings, Fabio at worst will be the third best winner for me. Plus, as an added bonus, he also stars in my favorite B movie of all time, My Stepbrother is a Vampire!?!, which I won on DVD (I’m not joking, who do you think got the screenshot of Fabio for this writeup?). I mentioned in my Colby 3.0 writeup how I consider Nicaragua the last true old school season of Survivor, and that’s because it feels like a big fuck you to strategy, and Fabio plays a huge role in it. Enough of simply stating my love for Fabio’s character, it's time to describe why he’s so great.
The first episode properly sets Fabio up as who he is as a character this season. He gets the first confessional of the season, talking about how dangerous it really is out there and how it's not like the zoo cause it's all real (the first hint of the winner for being the first confessional of the season). He then gets put on the young people tribe, which he says are his people. One of Fabio’s main characteristics gets shown right at the start, where he basically says that they could use a snorkel flipper to collect rainwater, and when Chase said Fabio looked like he would be good in the water, Fabio instantly gets a woodchip in his foot, making him rescind the comment. Shannon then has a confessional where he calls Fabio a dumb blonde, and it instantly cuts to Fabio getting pinched by a crab claw. He then starts calling Fabio his titular nickname…uh…Fabio. This quickly catches on in the tribe, and even at the first challenge where Jeff tries to talk to “Jud”, the tribe corrects him, saying that they only know Fabio. This is Fabio’s first characterization, that he’s a goofball that isn’t taken seriously. While that’s a big characterization, it's not the most important one. The important one is shown in his confessional responding to his new nickname. He comes off surprised that everyone is calling him Fabio, calling the guy a cheeseball, but then says that he doesn’t care what people are going to call him cause he’s going to win the million dollars (in the weirdest audio edit ever) so people can call him Fabio. This highlights his second characterization, and the most important one, he is aware of what other people think of him.
Of course, just because he’s aware of his status doesn’t necessarily mean he has great strategic capabilities. This is shown in the first La Flor vote, where it's looking to be between either Shannon and Brenda, and Fabio was voting for Brenda with Shannon’s. However, Shannon has a huge meltdown at tribal, which clearly would be bad to stick with and would be better to switch sides. However, Fabio ends up sticking with Shannon anyways, voting for Brenda and going “I guess this is the vote?”, which put him on the outs. This would normally be an issue, but since everyone sees him as a goofball, he’s not near the bottom of the pecking order. It also helps that La flor will win every immunity from here on out until the swap happens, and while not happy at first that a swap was happening, he happy with the end result, as he ends up in the majority with the OG La Flor members, although some La Flor members aren’t too happy to work with Fabio strategically. Luckily though, Fabio would successfully make it to merge, where his true game would begin.
I would usually just talk about what Fabio did throughout the merge, but I would rather highlight his interactions with key people from the merge, as they all highlight Fabio’s main characteristics to varying degrees and also help add to his story.
Alina
Alina and Fabio don’t interact too much, as Alina would spend most of her time with Kelly B and then gets swapped onto Espada when the tribe swap happens, separating her from Fabio. But when they return at the merge, Alina ends up getting targeted for her involvement with the missing food fiasco. When she tries to pitch to Fabio to keep her around, he just flat out tells her that people want her out cause she’s dangerous and people think she always has a hidden motive. This does reflect back to earlier in the game, when they were both at the bottom but no one was worried about Fabio and wanted Alina and Kelly B out first. This would carry over all the way over to that moment now. Fabio has more on the pulse in the game than people think as shown here, and he’s able to avoid it due to how he plays up the perception of him.
Marty
On paper, it makes no sense for Marty to vote for Fabio as the winner. How could the most strategic guy on Espada vote for the least strategic person in the game? However, the relationship they develop over time is what really shines. When Marty gets swapped onto La Flor, everyone from OG La Flor either wants him out, or to use him for strategic gain. Fabio is really the only guy from OG La Flor that has his back. Fabio tells Marty about Naonka getting the clue, and when OG La Flor wants to split the vote and get Marty out, Fabio fights for Marty to stay. Even though Marty does trick Fabio by claiming he was a chess grandmaster, he does warm up to Fabio. They even work together at the merge, although that ends up being short-lived as Marty is taken out
Naonka and Purple Kelly
I have to lump these two together since they both highlight the one issue with Fabio’s story. Unfortunately, since both of them quit, they both get slaughtered by the edit, which in turn ends up hurting Fabio’s story since they’re both key to it. With Naonka, she is Fabio’s biggest adversary. She finds his antics way more annoying than funny, and actively yells at him when he complains to her about something, and pretty much dislikes him all around. The feeling appears to be neutral while there on La Flor, but not all is what it seems. When merge comes around Fabio and Naonka reunite again, they actually hug and get along. Even if that ends up being short lived when Naonka steals food, but when she gets cornered and comes clean about it, Fabio is the only one to thank her for doing that. Eventually, all that kindness pays off when at the F9 reward, Naonka is the one to fill him in on the Brenda vote. When FTC comes around, Naonka, despite everything that they’ve been through, calls Fabio her hippy friend and asks about how seeing his Mom gave him the strength to keep going, and Fabio gives a heartfelt answer, telling her about how much he misses his Mom and that it was the fuel he needed to make it all the way to the end of the game. Despite their rocky relationship, Naonka ends up giving Fabio her vote to win.
Purple Kelly is another important aspect of Fabio’s story that unfortunately gets buried due to the assassination edit given to Purple Kelly. Everyone knows that Kelly was miserable due to being given very little clothes to keep her warm during Nicaragua’s monsoon season, which led to her quitting. The only real time it gets acknowledged is when Fabio mentions that now Purple Kelly can sleep when they win the tarp, which is barely heard because it happens the same time that Chase finds a hidden immunity idol clue in the tacklebox. But it's interesting that Fabio is the one to vocally acknowledge it, as he’s the one who’s most involved in it. It's never mentioned, but you do always see it. Multiple times throughout Nicaragua, you can see Kelly wearing Fabio’s yellow jacket. He allowed her to wear it sometimes when she was cold to help her stay warm. Just that kind of gesture along from Fabio helping her out the best he could, led to her voting for Fabio to win in the end.
Benry
I don’t have much to say about Fabio’s relationship with Benry, but there are two things I want to highlight from it. The first is during the Marty vote, where Benry says that the best plan is to lay low and play stupid, while Fabio says that he hated playing stupid but it was the smartest thing to do. Fast forward to the F7, and the vote is between Fabio and Benry. The main alliance of Chase, Sash, Holly, and Jane are deciding who should go between Fabio, who everyone on the jury loves and could win, or Benry, who could go on an immunity run to the end. While Fabio is in general clueless at the vote and is still “playing stupid”, Benry ends up playing really hard to get the vote onto Fabio, which freaks out Chase and leads to the alliance voting out Benry over Fabio. And guess who ends up going on an immunity run right after F6 and makes it to the end and wins?
Jane
At the first merge immunity, it's a double immunity where the last standing man and woman would win immunity. When it came down to the men, the last two guys standing were Fabio and Chase. Ultimately though, it would be Chase that drops first, giving Fabio immunity. The only person that Fabio really had to compete against was Jane. This is a great foreshadow to the end of Jane’s store as well as the continuation of Fabio’s. Both of their stories are kind of similar overall, both of them end up on the outs of their starting tribe, they get new life when the swap happens, they're both overall well liked, and they were both screwed over by Chase during the loved ones visit. Both of them had strong cases to win the game just with overall likability, but one of them would have to go to allow the other one to thrive, and when Fabio comes in clutch to win F6 immunity, the majority alliance decides to cut Jane as a threat, allowing Fabio to fully harness Jane’s power to get to the end.
Sash and Chase
Once again I’m going to lump these two together because they are the ones that end up sitting next to Fabio at the end. You have big strategy Sash and country boy Chase. On paper, it should be one of these two that should win the season instead of Fabio. They were both in control for most if not all of the game, and the only reason why Fabio was there was because he won a couple immunities at the end. But yet, Fabio is the one to clutch out the title of sole survivor. Why? In my opinion, it's because Fabio is always himself, so people see him as a genuine guy, while the other two come off as terrible or fake.
Sash's main game is strategy, doing whatever he needs to get ahead of the game and make it farther. Any bond he has with someone is only on a surface level which makes him come off as sleazy and slimy, while Fabio is always genuine with his feelings and relationships with people. No one highlights this better than Marty. Marty’s main relationships involving La Flor were mainly Fabio and Sash. While Fabio always liked Marty and gets to know Marty on a personal level, Sash only really talks to Marty for strategy and cons him out of his idol on the promise of keeping him around longer. And when Sash no longer needed to keep Marty around anymore, he burned him and voted him out. Everything Sash does comes off as slimy to everyone, even his allies, while Fabio remains pure and genuine.
With Chase, it's a bit of a different story. Chase wants to be the good guy, but gets caught up in the strategy, and keeps ending up being on both sides. He always gets flip floppy and wishy washy when it comes to voting someone out or for rewards, which ends up annoying people. It's not a problem at first, but it definitely is when he starts making promises to people that he can’t keep which upsets them more, hurting his image and makes people like him less. The biggest example to this is the loved ones visit where he promised to take Fanio on reward with him if he won. However, Chase ends up burning both Fabio and Jane, who expect Chase to pick her. This leads to both Fabio and Jane being upset, and even Fabio telling Jane about the promise Chase made, which also pissed off Dan who was there. Chase always wants to maintain being the good guy while he is playing the game but struggles because of his indecisions and breaking of promises, while Fabio is actually able to maintain that status all throughout.
This all pays off at FTC, where we finally get to see Fabio speak out against the two guys, talking about how he actually got to play the game that Chase wanted to play. He talks about how played hard by being himself and being an open book for everyone, and never backstabbed anyone in the game which Sash could never do and Chase wishes he could do. He laughs when Sash calls him a wingman, telling him to take a backseat and take some notes. He doesn’t even let jurors who put him down get in his way, as when Alina says that he wants to vote for a man to win, not a boy, Fabio said he deserved to win, and when Chase said that winning three immunities didn’t mean he outwit, outplay, or outlast hi, Fabio points out that that’s outplaying him and he chose to bring Chase to the end and then says that Sash didn’t outplay anyone. I know people usually say that Chase had the better FTC performance since he flipped votes to his side, but that doesn’t matter (and is also wrong) as Fabio will end up clenching a 5-4 victory in one of the best endings to a season I could ever ask for, and that’s awesome.
SMC0629: 5
DryBonesKing: 19
Zanthosus: 20
Tommyroxs45: 15
Regnisyak1: 21
DavidW1208: 7
ninjedi1: 2
Average Placement: 12.714
Total Points: 89
Standard Deviation: 7.889 (3rd Highest)

I can't believe I'm writing this. But I need some insight cause I find myself getting angry and confused. This is my first reddit post. Please excuse my redditor literacy.
This is the most convoluted story. It is long. But it's a ride.
You've been warned.
(Fake names obviously)
I (20f) have a best friend, Karl (20m) of 4 years. Now I see what you might assume. No. We're close but I'm mainly into women, I currently have a partner and have had a partner 90% of the time they where dating.
Now Karl got with Regina(19f) late 2022, the relationship started off rocky as she said "I only want you" but then kissed her ex, and then couldn't decide who she wanted. But still insisted once she chose Karl, she wanted to stay friends with her ex. Posted pictures when they'd "hang out" where it looked like she was sitting on his lap. But she swore she wasn't. Constantly blocked him after things would happen, then unblocked him, lied, then cried when Karl would find out.
Yes. Infuriating. But here you go. That's how Regina was introduced to our lives.
It took a while but eventually I tried to look past this. I care about Karl, if this was who he loved. We accepted it. Infact made it a point to invite her out to gatherings, made sure to offer her food, offer her drinks, chatting. Making sure she's involved. Gassing her up. Girlie things. (God I'm so desperate for everyone to love me it's a problem.)
Then her friends, ex boyfriend began to follow me, I had hoped this was because of how well I'd done to make friends. But this waa short lived.
Originally I'd just hoped it was banter. I'd chat to them, often sending pictures with Regina in her classes and joking with me.
Unfortunately I have social impairments, Slowly it became clear they where just laughing at me, calling me names but with cutesy emojis. Remember the girls in highschool? The ones thatd pretend to be your friend in class because it was funny? Like that.
So i stopped paying attention, often ignoring them. Unfortunately it only got worse. It got to a point I'd be spammed and have my instagram story replies with slurrs, calling me a pdf. File??? (I was talking to someone 6 years older than me?) Weird references, calling me cringe (I know. I know, worst thing ever right.), picking on my hair, my eyes(strabismus), my clothing. So I folded. Told Karl I wouldn't be dealing with it anymore. I'd blocked them, and asked karl To ask Regina to ask her friends to stop contacting me, I was doing my finishing project in college (uk) to get into university and it was getting to point I couldn't focus. I told him what had been happening, that I didn't know what her problem was. But I am a adult woman and this was bizarre.
Now, that alone. I forgave and in time, forgot. She had allegedly appologized "for them" and didn't know any of that was happening and had no I'll intent and hoped we could still be friends. Okay, sure.
Weird semi important point: she confessed in a groupchat that she used to be a 'chav' I said " you do look like someone who'd have bullied me" Banter. She then posted on her Instagram story (Paraphrased by memory) "When someone says you look like someone who'd have bullied them- but your friend died" I can't remember, but it was along the lines of that kind of 'what the fuck does that even mean'
Upon a later night of drinking, regina was talking to Karl about the ex, Mike. I brang up the fact her ex boyfriend kept liking my photos and was following me Hoping to bond over the fact this guy was weird, common girly bonding
"You know he only follows you so he could make fun of you and how cringe your posts are". She laughs.
The group goes quiet and holy shit I'm embarrassed. I just internalise that and change the subject.
Later I repost a reel of a guy saying something vaugely corresponding to this convosation. Basic premise when someone tells you their friend talks shit about you, then obviously you ask "why do they do that to you" (I know childish but at this point I was starting to really dislike her. My friend had sent it to me, It was late.) When i say She launched, "if you've got a problem talk to me instead of being weird and I'd tell you I was so scared of Mike and he held such a power over me and I just let him chat shit" I'd love to just mention this is after the 2nd time she'd unblocked him to talk to him behind Karl's back. I put up with it. Karl is at this point family. And if this is who he loves. We have to love her too.
This is all important to the point I swear.
Anyway.
My partners (now ex) friend Frank (22) and us fell out. Unimportant to this story but he let me know, Regina and an old very close friend had a groupchat to say very unpleasant things about me in, despite this old friend I never stopped speaking well of. Hoping we'd find eachother again. He'd been scouted when we had fallen out. But respected me enough to tell me. Another confrontation where she is so misunderstood and I'm making a big deal out of nothing and she's never ever had a problem with me.
Okay. Talked to Karl again. He is shocked but takes her word. As I'd kinda expect. Its his girlfriend. He took her to London over my birthday, he didn't want to ruin it. So he gave it up.
Karl throughout this is withdrawing from us. When he's with us it's like the light is gone from his eyes. He's distracted, quiet, doesn't laugh as much. Often tries to slip out of meetups because he'll "only bring you guys down". He's constantly picking up his phone. Constantly messaging. Cancelling plans. He won't talk to us. We where all worried.
Karl few months later calls me for advice. Turns out she kept getting caught in lies about her ex and general behaviours. Ignoring him for days again, threatening to game quit if she doesn't get the attention she wants. It'd all gotten so tiring that he didn't have any attraction to her anymore. He had no sex drive. He dreaded seeing her. But had to constantly message her. He's been feeling like this for months. Karl didn't want to leave her just before her birthday, he felt it cruel. But then it was the anniversary coming up. He didn't want to be responsible. He'd tried gifts, trips, anything just to make her happy. No matter what he did he still felt like nothing was enough. I managed to talk him through. About threatening suicide if someone wants to leave, is indeed abuse. He wasn't himself. How we felt and how we where worried. He got choked up. Not realizing anyone cared. He asked if he should leave. I asked if he was happy. "I can't imagine not having her there." Okay no. Not what I asked. Eventually he confessed He'd never felt lower. I said. Can you see yourself marrying her? No. Infact he said the thourght freaked him out. I said. Well. Why are you with her. Eventually it got to a point He left her. She said she'd been thinking about it. Yay? No 12 hours later he calls me saying its all fixed. Its all okay. How He's a horrible person for doing this to her. How it's him that needs to change. How he will spend a long time making this up to her. You know. I'm a domestic abuse survivor. But I never realized how much hearing that killed abit of my sould. Trying to convince Karl that he's worth anything is like trying to convince a deaf non signing American Conservative that the gays aren't trying to make him gay too.
They do eventually a few months later split. She says she wants to breakup as he "doesn't love her the way she wants him to" he is hurt but says okay. She then obviously realizes hey, he isn't gonna start begging on his knees. You can only hurt someone so much. She then asks "breakup sex" directly after and to this day its our favourite quote. But he says no, she asks for one more night, he says no you just broke up with me? Leave? She complains about not being able to get to the train station. Now. Karl didn't have his licence till a few weeks later. So queue the weirdest car ride with his DAD you've ever heard of. She cried. Hugged him. Begged him to reconsider. Karl officially has realized how disconnected he's become. Nah.
Queue a weird amount of messages ranging between "I'm sorry baby" to "I CANT BELIEVE YOURE GIVING UP ON US" and sexually charged messages, After karl finally blocks her. She begins to call him from various different numbers. Tries to get with his friends. Fails. Still calls him crying for the next 6 months. In which these events happen.
Frank from before. Now it turns out. While we don't have full timeline but either weirdly around the time they broke up they got /very/ close. To the point despite Frank having a partner. She was begging him to sleep with her. But Being weird with it. One minute she wants him. Next she doesn't. Basically, she loves the idea that she could have him. But doesn't want to keep any of them. Frank had a girlfriend. Goddess of a lady. Daisy. Regina proceeded to pick on every little thing to Frank about daisy she could. Always. Physical appearance.
Then. Now I am simply not making this up. after Frank separates himself from this situation. Regina begins to harrass Daisy, With telling Daisy about how much Frank's missing out on not shagging her instead.
And making 6 different instagram accounts to harrass them, and this is where I come in further.
Regina now, after the hate group chooses some last straws she can pull to drag him back. She makes a fake account. Goes to message Frank. With the opener of gossip about me and my partners sex life. I talked to Regina less times than I can Count on one hand.
The main one I'm aware of is "Did you know my partner drinks my names piss" Which I'm not here to kink shame; but this does not happen unfortunately but i still find it beautiful of a statement.
I one day due to some more harassment and more attention than I'm used to.
Decide to private my instagram. It was only for 24 hours in full so I could change some settings and archive some things. Within 15. An account. David, requests to follow. Strange. Cause my account is shadow banned and cannot be shown to non followers. I click. Heavens foretold dear friends. Regina's new boo. Id like to clarify. 2 weeks before Karl was still getting snotty teary calls telling him she misses him. Karl's friends where sending screenshots of Regina trying it on with them then getting snotty when she was rightfully laughed at.
I ask "hi??"
"Hi me and my girlfriend just wanted to stalk how cringe your posts are" I wish I could have been funny and not caught off guard. And shamed them. Oh god. I wish I had. Basically I told him, the gym is waiting. She will chew you up. Idk what I did but I'm sorry. Godamn. Leave me be. And they said "It's not that deep lighten up" I am indeed embarrassed.
But they kept mentioning my workplace. I am a bartender, and one day she did come in with a man, they seems very loved up but then again. It certainly wasn't this guy. then said bad things about me infront of a coworker. It was a little satisfying seeing her face fall and hit the table from shame as I was carrying an ice bucket past her. She was already cut off at this point for her antics.
David's best friends memepage now follows me. But has been the first out of 5 accounts not to say anything. I'm sure they think I don't know. David claimed I was lying in my encounter. I do wonder if I could flip the table entirely.
but I also wonder if she's just very mentally unwell. But it's been 1.5 years of this and I'm just abit knackered and pissed off.
I'm 20 feeling like a highschooler. But I'm working for a bipolar diagnosis and I have ADHD, the paranoia. Is driving me up the wall man. Like this woman knows enough of my details and she's spread where I work. She's been to my house. She has clearly gotten multiple people involves historically and despite me trying to apologise, it makes no difference.
If I knew what the issue was, I'd gauge it. But it's not knowing and not being told. But it's reassuring it's not just me. With daisy, I'm wondering if this is historic. Might be vanity? She (used to?) Post alot of ...suggestive photography and always wears a lingerie corset and heavy makeup, filters. Nothing wrong with that of course but she's a very sexually orientated person, and given the contexts to that behaviour. I wonder if its to cover some in depth issues. But that's just a theory. Part of feels hey, if she needs men to tell her that I am ugly, cringe and worth nothing. Then she van have that. The other half makes me want vengeance for the boy, prove that I'm not whatever she'd been making me out to be and make her realize she needs to change. But that's. abit pathetic innit.
Anyway I doubt anyones made it this far and if you have. Thank you for reading my story and the weirdness of it. I hope it hasn't been too shit. Just needed to get it off my chest. And maybe if anyone has anything to say.
TLDR: my best friends ex has always had an issue despite my efforts. Getting various people to harrass and bully me, She tried to get with his friends, other guys we knew and harrassing us all. All while still crying she misses him. Her new bf thinks I'm lying and is joining in, his best friend now follows me too. My partner allegedly drinks my piss <3

I can't explain the dread I feel right now. I love him so much, I've drifted apart from basically all of my friends and he's the only person left right now that I actually enjoy hanging out with and put effort into seeing. He texts me daily, is so understanding of me and my anxiety issues - he's sat with me for hours upon end, rubbing my back, telling me everything is going to be okay. Granted, a lot of these anxiety causes were over stuff he did, but still. He showers me with compliments, and we get up to so much fun together. I can't recall the last time I had so much fun with someone just lying in their bed, going out for a walk, etc. I love him so much.
But, a more logical side of me is telling me we have to break up. I am extremely torn and it's causing me so much anxiety. There have been several incidents that have deeply hurt me and made me question our compatibility.
About a month or two after he and I became official, he sent me a picture of a girl he used to sleep with, intending for me to recreate it. He claims he “didn’t know” that it was her, frankly I was and continue to be insulted by the fact he thinks I’d believe he saw that picture and didn’t immediately know it was of his female friend and not some random girl he didn’t know, especially since he had cut her face out of the picture. Another thing related to this same girl - followed by an indulgence of my anxiety, I checked her instagram profile and I can see that he's liked a select number of pictures of hers whilst we were dating, all pretty provocative, which also makes me very insecure. What makes this different is that he’s told me they’re no longer friends, not by his choice but by her refusal since she ghosted him after they slept together, which makes it seem like he would be with her if he was given the choice. If I was her, I’d take a like to a picture like that to mean that he was still interested, especially since he told me she ignored his messages after they slept together, it changed the context a bit.
He also throughout our relationship for the first maybe 5 months demonstrated a very intimate knowledge about most of his female friends; I’ve heard him go into details about his female friends’ preferred masturbation techniques and relay that to me as advice, their favorite positions in bed, when I said I enjoyed it when he did something in bed, he could casually mention how “his friend told him she loved it as well”. For clarification, they never slept together, they had just deeply discussed things like this.
By happening to catch some notifications while we were on hisphone, I also was informed of his friend who sent him semi-regular updates about her sex life, describing certain sexual acts they did, how good the guy was, commenting on dicksize, etc. I made it clear I was not OK with this and he agreed that he found it too much. He claims he asked her to stop. But then, it happened again, and he blamed it on her forgetting. What hurt me here was also his lack of reaction when we both saw the text notification, he just noted on it and then continued watching the TikTok we were watching. He didn't seem to care about how it affected me or the breach of our set boundaries. That makes me suspect he either didn’t care or wasn’t surprised because, well, maybe he never set those boundaries in the first place.
When we spoke about it later, he did validate my feelings, but what also took place was him protecting her behavior. It made me feel so undervalued, and unheard. She has had sexual trauma, therefore she must message her friend who is in a relationship about who she had sex with, why, when and how. It was just such a shitty excuse, and I don’t know what’d make me feel worse; him genuinely believing that or him being so willing to lie to me. Regardless, we’ve now come to the decision to cut her off. So that problem should be “dealt with”, but my feelings of betrayal and distrust still linger.
I could never imagine doing these things in a relationship; it would make me feel like I was cheating. This is why I believe we're incompatible. While he may find this behavior acceptable, I don't. can't handle the anxiety and insecurity it causes me. I think I simply have a more conservative view of relationships, intimacy, and sex, and I believe it's essential that my partner shares this perspective.
Another major issue between us is our sex life. While I've enjoyed some aspects, I often feel my sexual needs aren't reciprocated. Despite discussing this before, improvements have been minimal. For instance, when I asked to use a condom for the first time, he put it on but then continued basically dry-humping me until he came. After that, I asked if he wanted to do something else - me still being horny - and he said he was too tired to continue. Next day, when I clarified “something else” meant intercourse, he was upset he missed out, indicating he did have energy but chose not to please me.
Another time, after we started kissing and moved to the couch, he requested I give him a blowjob, which I did, but then after he came he just left me on the couch, feeling used and alone. I feel this happens a lot, he is very focused on his own pleasure but not mine. What makes it worse, when I gathered courage to ask for reciprocation with a vibrator, which is hard for me being that forward, he responded unenthusiastically and then ignored it to first eat then play video games, then claiming he forgot. He later asked me “oh, did you want me to still do that?” maybe two hours later, but I was hurt and felt the way he asked seemed like it was more of an obligation to him than wanting to pleasure his girlfriend.
I've tried to communicate my needs and understand his, even considering factors like potential porn addiction (might be) or lack of attraction. Regardless, our sexual incompatibility persists. I need a partner as interested in my pleasure as I am in theirs.
All these reasons are, like I said, very logical reasons for a breakup, but my dread about it persists. I feel like I would rather take the insecurity and anxiety than feel this way. I’d miss him so much. It doesn’t help that I basically thought I was aromantic and asexual before I met him, I haven’t really been attracted to guys the way I am to him, on an emotional and physical level. I feel like I would never find someone who compares. I am an anxious wreck. Would apprechiate any advice on what you would do in my situation, how I could come to terms with breaking up. ANY insights, and I mean ANY, I would love, I am in dire need.
As a side-note, I was thinking of basically re-formatting this text a bit and sending it to him together with my break-up text, to explain it. He would require to know why, and I'd feel it'd be cathartic. Thoughts on that?
TL;DR: I'm torn about breaking up with my boyfriend, whom I love deeply and share a strong bond with. Despite his support and our fun times together, several incidents have hurt me and made me question our compatibility. He sent me a picture of a girl he used to sleep with, asking me to recreate it, and (IMO) lied about not recognizing it was her. He liked provocative pictures of her on Instagram, making me insecure. He shared intimate details about his female friends' sex lives, which made me uncomfortable. A friend of his sent explicit updates about her sex life, and despite agreeing to set boundaries, it happened again, with him showing little concern for my feelings. These actions have caused anxiety and insecurity, making me feel undervalued and unheard. Our sex life is also problematic; my needs often go unmet, and efforts to communicate haven't led to significant improvements. Despite these issues, the thought of breaking up fills me with dread, as I can't imagine finding someone who makes me feel the way he does. I need advice on how to come to terms with ending the relationship and moving on.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwra6064
Originally posted to relationship_advice
My twin sister (18F) and I (18F) took a genetic test, and we did not share any DNA. What should my next step be, when no one in the family is telling me why?
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Original Post: May 13, 2024
My twin and I are fraternal twins. Recently, we took a genetic test for fun, because we wanted to see what we shared and the differences between us. Since we still share genes, fraternal twins are like siblings genetically. My grandparents had suggested the tests and got them for us, so our parents didn’t know about it. But our results made no sense. My twin’s was coming up almost completely as Eastern European and Western European. Which makes sense, as most of my family are Croatian, German, or Austrian. So all of that would be accurate.
But mine wasn’t anything like that. It was almost completely Scandinavian, with some Russian and a couple of other places. Neither of which were on my twin’s result, she had a very small percentage of Scandinavian but that was it. And we had no matched DNA. Which clearly seemed impossible.
We were literally twins, we have to share DNA. My twin said they must have mixed my sample up with someone else. We ended up contacting the company, and my twin and I took a test again. It was the same result. Both my twin and I were really confused. We told our grandparents, and they just said that was interesting, and said nothing else.
My twin said we should tell our parents, and see if they had ever done a genetic test, or if any of our siblings had, and then we could see if somehow ours were still right. I mean, it kind of made sense I'd have Scandinavian, because I'm much taller than my mother, and quite a bit taller than my twin and I'm way better at football and handball than she is.
And I'm very blonde compared to the rest of my family, but I had thought it was the German. When we told our mother, they reacted almost the same way as my grandparents, but she seemed annoyed. And said that they're inaccurate anyway, and our grandparents shouldn't have told us to take one. And when we asked our father, he basically said nothing.
I'm confused. I know my twin thinks it's just a mistake, but I don't think so. We have to share DNA, about 50%. That's how twins and siblings work. Even though we're fraternal, we should still share quite a bit of DNA. But other explanations don't make sense.
My mother can't have cheated on my father, because my twin and I would still share DNA. Just less, because we would have different fathers. The results mean we can't share a parent, or even be related. But I don't see why my parents would adopt me if I'm not their child, when I don't think they've ever been to Scandinavia and why they'd adopt a baby that's almost exactly the same age as their baby. I'm panicking.
The person I'm closest with in the whole world, who I thought I even shared the womb with, might not even be related to me. My birthday might not even be real. None of this makes any sense, and no one is telling me the truth. I'm also scared my twin might tell her boyfriend about it, and then people might end up knowing that I'm some kind of fraud and my family isn't my family at all.
Edit: I called the clinic where my mother gave birth to all of my siblings. The day of my birthday, my mother is in the records but only for one birth. Not two, not twins. I don't know if it's an error, or my mother didn't give birth to me.
Relevant Comments
OOP on asking her extended family members for answers and ask her parents and grandparents

OOP: I don't think they want to tell me anything, they're all acting weirdly now, and I heard my mother yelling at people on the phone. I don't know what's going on, but there's no way they want to tell me what's going on.
I looked when my twin wasn't there, but I had no close ones, only very distant ones. Only people who are my eighth cousins and that sort of thing. So not very helpful.
She sounded a bit too polite for that sometimes. And sometimes at odd times of day, so I'm not sure it was always my grandparents. Probably my father too.

OOP on her mother’s records at the clinic and see if it was possible she was swapped at birth

OOP: Sadly, my mother has given birth every time in a private clinic that is very small, she prefers it. She thinks hospitals are disgusting and she prefers knowing the doctors. So while that is possible, and I'll look into getting parental DNA done, it would be very concerning if that had happened because at most, maybe three or four other woman would have given birth at a similar time as her. But possible, definitely.

OOP on getting her birth certificate from her parents, which might reveal more details on her background

OOP: I didn't think about my birth certificate. I'll ask them, but if they don't give it to me, then I'm sure it shouldn't be too difficult to find.

OOP on if her grandparents knew anything about her situation

OOP: Kind of, I did ask them why they suggested it, and my grandmother said that it doesn't matter. I said clearly it does if the results are right, but she just said she's doesn't know anything and to tell my mother that.
I don't know why they'd deliberately upset my parents with this, but I'm only assuming that they wanted me to know. But I don't know why, I think my grandmother thinks I should figure it out myself now I know, but I literally have no clue when no one will tell me anything at all.

 
Update: May 22, 2024
So, I'm adopted. Which was probably quite obvious as soon as I got the results, but I guess I was in denial.
My parents told me a couple of days ago, not much, but a bit. I know now that my mother was Danish, and my father's old girlfriend from when he was really young, which is seriously weird. I asked them a lot of questions, but I didn't get answers to all of them. I don't know who my father is, how my parents were able to adopt me and why, if she's even alive, nothing.
But thankfully I am actually legally adopted by them, which is a relief, since I was worried I might not be. And my birthday is actually my birthday, so they haven't been committing any weird fraud.
It's very weird. My sister has been acting weirdly, and my family as well. But in some ways, it's a relief. My parents still feel like my parents, and my siblings like my siblings. I know that technically they're not, but I don't feel too upset about it.
I'm just upset they lied, and also won't tell me everything. I don't know if they genuinely don't know, or don't want to talk about it, but at least I have an idea about everything now. I'm still not quite sure how I feel about it, but I'm glad I know about things now. Plus now I have a country that's actually good at football to support, which is nice.
Maybe some day I'll find out everything, maybe not. I could probably look her up, and find her if I wanted to, but I'm not sure if I do, if she's still alive. Although everything is different, it doesn't feel so bad, but it does at the same time. It's very weird.
But I have a family that loves me, so it could be much worse. I feel sad about my twin, since we're not actually related which feels really different and she's acting different as well, but I still love her a lot, and my parents as well. I think it will take some time to know how I really feel. In some ways I want to be mad at everyone and do stupid things, but that's only sometimes, and overall I feel okay so that's good. And eventually I think I'll be content with how everything is.
Relevant Comments
OOP on looking into her background to find her biological relatives especially birth parents

OOP: I didn't think of that. Maybe at some point I will, but right now I'm happy with my family and how things are and I don't really want to go through all of that right now.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

“ What do you want to do without his reactions ?

How do you want to do without his reactions ?
Who do you give priority to within your inside ?
Do you give priority to his feelings within your inside ?
Do you give priority to your feelings within your inside ?
It’s so important to watch his actions more than his words for you.
Because his actions have his real feelings and his love more than his words.
What evaluations do you believe about you when he says he doesn’t want to get married ?
Do you feel like you don’t get married to him forever and do you feel your sorrow when he says he doesn’t want to get married ?

Believe your real feelings yourself.

It’s so important to take his love through his actions more than his words for you.

It's so important to shift to have your mind that you're just happy even you get married to him and you don't get married for you.
To find what you learn through him will liberate your inside more from your beliefs, will lead you into more happiness. “
I’m sharing my messages with you through reading two below, because two messages are similar.
I really understand your feelings, because I’ve gone through the feelings as the same with you.
“ I think the “with you” is silent “ from relationship_advice on reddit ( I don’t write the age for protecting your personal information.)
My boyfriend (●M) and I(●F) have been dating for almost a year. Prior to this, we were friends for about 3 years. During this time we discussed our views on marriage, more kids (we both have one from prior relationships), finances and such. Yesterday, I decided to ask if he sees a future with me, as far as marriage. His reply was “I do not believe in marriage but I see a long term relationship. Marriage is man made and we can make our own contract.” I felt blindsided because this was never his view, and I understand people can change.
I feel like it’s my fault because during our friendship and relationship, I was taking on roles that one would consider a wife would do. Maybe this is the reason why he doesn’t see the point in marrying me? I’m not sure, but it hurt. He then goes on to say I’m always a feeling a way..but wtf, how could I not? Has anyone else had to walk away from someone they love because of this? Am I being extra?
『 My boyfriend (●M) and I(●F) have been dating for almost a year. Prior to this, we were friends for about 3 years. During this time we discussed our views on marriage, more kids (we both have one from prior relationships), finances and such.
Yesterday, I decided to ask if he sees a future with me, as far as marriage. His reply was “I do not believe in marriage but I see a long term relationship. Marriage is man made and we can make our own contract.” I felt blindsided because this was never his view, and I understand people can change.
I feel like it’s my fault because during our friendship and relationship, I was taking on roles that one would consider a wife would do. Maybe this is the reason why he doesn’t see the point in marrying me? I’m not sure, but it hurt. 』
【My view】; It’s not your fault and not this reason which you were taking on roles that one would consider a wife would do. I truly understand your feelings that you’re not sure and it hurts, because I’ve also gone through the feelings as the same with you.
『 He then goes on to say I’m always a feeling a way..but wtf, how could I not? Has anyone else had to walk away from someone they love because of this? Am I being extra? 』
【My view】; I think that you are not being extra.
Regarding he then goes on to say you’re always a feeling a way, I guess that he’s always feeling a way. You don’t have to receive his words too much, You should watch his actions more than what he says to you, because his actions have his real feelings he doesn’t express and his love.

What is the most important means “ What do you want to do without his reactions ?

Do you want to get married to him ? “
It’s so important to cherish your feelings and what you really want to do with him for you without his reactions.
I truly understand that you will be feeling you won’t get married to him through his reactions and his words.
If you think that you have the reason you don’t get married to him, it will give you sufferings and sorrow more. That’s not your fault. While you feel like it’s your fault, you will focus the road of differing from love between you and him on your view.
Even when he says that to you, his words are not related to what he doesn’t get married forever.
Regarding you discussed your views on marriage and you asked him about a future with you, maybe he will be thinking about marriage with you, he didn’t escape from discussion about marriage with you even thought his reply was not what you wanted.
As you both have one kid from prior relationships, maybe he won’t have a good image about marriage, but he will be thinking that he wants to keep the relationship between you and him as he sees a long term relationship with you.
Maybe, he won’t be confident about marriage and making you happy with your kids, his images will give the influence more to marriage.
What do you think about marriage ?
Marriage means you put happiness on both you, you make you more happy, he makes you more happy, you make him more happy.
If you want to get marriage to him without his reactions, how to communicate with him and how to take his love through his actions will be necessary for liberating him from fear which he is not confident.
The relationship between you and yourself gives him the influence.
At first, “ What do you want to do without his reactions ?
Do you want to get married to him without his reactions ? “
In my counselling,

• You will get how to communicate with him for giving him confidence.
• You will take his love through his actions rather than his words.
• You will get what to do for keeping to believe your real feelings and what you really want to do with him.
• To find what you learn through him will liberate you more, to fill the relationship between you and yourself with more happiness and freedom and peace will give a change to the relationship between you and him, you will get that.

" My [●F] boyfriend [●M] of 10 years doesn't want to marry me... yet. Should I leave? " from relationship_advice on reddit.
So me [●F] any my boyfriend [●M] have been together pretty much all of our early adult life. We've been living together for the past 5+ years as well. We are each others first girlfriend/boyfriend and are obviously in love with each other. Besides this one thing we're literally perfect for each other, have similar values and hobbies, lots of fun together etc.
He knew from the start that I do want to get married one day, even though I don't want to have children (he's on board with that), but I just love the idea of marriage. He has told me over and over again that he doesn't want to marry me... yet. His reason being that he doesn't have a lot of money right now (we both work and get by quite ok) or that he first wants to finish his bachelor study (which he also has been studying for the past 10 years with currently no end in sight)...etc. I've told him before that it doesn't have to be an expensive wedding and we would obviously be sharing the costs, but each talk about this ends up with either me crying and him comforting me or just him being annoyed. Sometimes he tells me that he doesn't want to get married as it won't change our relationship and there are many couples being happy together for years without ever getting married. Sometimes he promises me that he will definitely marry me one day. I'm tired of waiting yet I also feel like I might be asking for too much? I try to not pressure him at all and we maybe talk about this once or twice a year.
But then I see my friends getting married and get really sad wondering if I'm waiting for something that will never happen... am I wrong for thinking about leaving over this? Or should I just be happy with the relationship as it is and forget about the idea of marriage?
TLDR: Boyfriend gives me confusing answers about my wish to get married. Should I leave or just accept the idea of probably never getting married?
『 So me [●F] any my boyfriend [●M] have been together pretty much all of our early adult life. We've been living together for the past 5+ years as well. We are each others first girlfriend/boyfriend and are obviously in love with each other. Besides this one thing we're literally perfect for each other, have similar values and hobbies, lots of fun together etc.
He knew from the start that I do want to get married one day, even though I don't want to have children (he's on board with that), but I just love the idea of marriage.
He has told me over and over again that he doesn't want to marry me... yet.
His reason being that he doesn't have a lot of money right now (we both work and get by quite ok) or that he first wants to finish his bachelor study (which he also has been studying for the past 10 years with currently no end in sight)...etc.
I've told him before that it doesn't have to be an expensive wedding and we would obviously be sharing the costs, but each talk about this ends up with either me crying and him comforting me or just him being annoyed. 』
【My view】; Probably, for him and his reason that he doesn’t have a lot of money, what you share the costs won’t mean solution he desires. He will have his policy which he has a lot of money and you don’t share the cost, he will want to be confident in himself through having a lot of money without giving you the cost, what he has a lot of money and what he wants to be confident in himself for making you happy will link with one, he doesn’t say that to you or he can’t express his real feelings by his words, so he will be annoyed. But what is the most important means your real feelings,

“ What do you want to do without his reactions ?

How do you want to do for you without his reactions ? “,
What do you feel through his behavior which he’s annoyed ?
What do you believe through his behavior which he’s annoyed ?
Do you feel like you’re disliked through his behavior ?
When you cry regarding that, “ What do you feel ? do you feel like you don’t marry him forever ? Do you believe like you don’t marry him forever ? “
『 Sometimes he tells me that he doesn't want to get married as it won't change our relationship and there are many couples being happy together for years without ever getting married. 』
【My view】; A man tries to maintain the present condition. Probably, he will fear to change your relationship between you and him through marriage.
『 Sometimes he promises me that he will definitely marry me one day. I'm tired of waiting yet I also feel like I might be asking for too much? I try to not pressure him at all and we maybe talk about this once or twice a year. 』
【My view】; Regarding you try to not pressure him at all, Who do you give priority to within your inside ? Do you give priority to him within your inside ? He won’t notice what you do that even if you try to not pressure him at all, maybe such your action will make him lose being confident of making you happy in himself. What is the most important means your real feelings, doesn’t mean his feelings. Do you your best for your happiness ? and do you talk with him for your happiness ? It’s so important that you give priority to your real feelings within your inside for you.
For you, Cherish your real feelings which you want to marry him, so you may talk about this for many years more than once or twice a year, you should talk about your happiness with him more.
Regarding “ Sometimes he promises me that he will definitely marry you one day. “, that has his love through his actions and his behaviors, he will be thinking of your feeling which you want to marry him, his actions are full of his love although it will be not easy to notice his love through his actions and his behaviors more than his words.
He will be doing his best for your happiness, don’t you think that ? Don’t you believe his love ?
『 But then I see my friends getting married and get really sad wondering if I'm waiting for something that will never happen... am I wrong for thinking about leaving over this? Or should I just be happy with the relationship as it is and forget about the idea of marriage? 』
【My view】; Regarding you see your friends getting married and get really sad wondering if you’re waiting for something that will never happen,
Do you want to marry him ? or Do you want to get married ?
Do you consider about marrying him as your purpose ? or Do you consider about getting married as your purpose ?
If you see your friends getting married and you feel worried and you choose marriage, it will be broken, because that means you just want to get married, to marry him is not a purpose.
What is the most important means “ What do you want to feel through marrying him ?
What do you want to do through marrying him ?
What do you want to feel ? after you get married to him.
Do you want to deepen more love between you and him through marriage ? Is that right ?
Regarding you get really sad wondering if you’re waiting for something that will never happen,
You will feel like you won’t marry him forever through his words and his behaviors, “ Do you consider what he doesn’t marry you as he doesn’t marry you forever ? If you consider that and you believe that, you will suffer from your beliefs.
I understand your feelings you feel like his words he doesn’t want to marry you reach your thought which you won’t marry him forever, you feel like that never happen, because I’ve also gone through the feelings as the same with you.
For him, his words which he doesn’t want to marry you don’t reach your thought which you won’t marry him forever. In my counselling, you will find what you learn through him, you will notice the meaning of my words more deeply.
Regarding “ am I wrong for thinking about leaving over this ? Or should I just be happy with the relationship as it is and forget about the idea of marriage ? “ and your tittle “ your boyfriend of 10 years doesn’t want to marry you..yet. Should you leave ? ”,
Do you give priority to him ? What do you want to do without his reactions ?
Do you want to marry him without his reactions ?
What do you want to do with him through marriage ?
Do you want to deepen more love between you and him through marriage ?
If you feel happiness with him and you want to marry him without his reactions, you should cherish your real feelings you want to marry him and you should choose what you want to marry him.
Because to forget about the idea of marriage means you abandon your real feelings which you want to marry him, you restrain your real feelings, you ignore your real feelings.
You follow your real feelings which you want to marry him and you want to be happy more for your happiness, you follow your real feelings more honestly for you, so you can believe in you and him. Giving priority to him within your inside makes you lie to your real feelings which you want to marry him, makes you ignore your real feelings, makes you restrain your real feelings. That means you don’t fill the relationship between you and yourself with happiness and freedom.
It’s so important that you just are happy with the relationship as it is for you and him.
Regarding “ Sometimes he promises me that he will definitely marry me one day”,
That’s his love and his action and his behavior, do you believe him ? That means “ How much do you believe that you deserve to take happiness more through him ? Do you believe in you unconditionally ? Do you believe him as well as you believe in you unconditionally ?
You follow your real feelings more honestly for your happiness, so you can believe in you and him.
If you don’t cherish your real feelings which you want to marry him and you don’t follow your real feelings for your happiness through giving priority to him, you won’t be able to believe in you and him.
You don’t have to give priority to his feelings within your inside. Because you won’t feel happiness while you adjust to his words and you abandon your real feelings which you want to marry him.
While women adjust to men, women can’t be happy.
If you had the opposite situation, “ What would you have felt ? if he had told you that he wanted to marry you but you had told him that you didn’t want to marry him yet, if he had thought to leave you and he had tried to find other person for marriage, what would you have thought ? don’t you dislike that ? “, You try to give him that.
If you face your real feelings you want to marry him and you face him through your honesty, your honesty will inspire him..
Probably, he won’t be confident of making you happy in himself through marriage.
What you do for being confident in himself means

• You take his love through his actions and his behaviors more than his words.
• You tell him what you take his love through his actions and his behaviors.
• You follow your real feelings more honestly for you through your life and him.
• You keep to tell him your real feelings more honestly and what you’re glad and you feel sorrow and you get angry and what makes you happy more.
• You keep to tell him what you want to do with him and you want him to do for your happiness and your joy without his reactions.

What is necessary for doing that means

• You let go your beliefs and your evaluations of restricting unconditional love.
• Love you think is in the outside of love he thinks, you keep to shift your view to the outside of your beliefs and the outside of love you think.
• You keep to believe your real feelings which you want to do with him more honestly without his reactions.
• You accept your real feelings and your existence unconditionally.

In my counselling,

• You need to follow your real feelings more honestly for taking his love through his actions and his behaviors , you need to accept your real feelings and yourself unconditionally for taking his love, so you will get how to take his love and how to tell him your feelings and your happiness and your sorrow and your anger, how to accept yourself unconditionally.
• You will find what you learn through him and your life, to find what you learn through him will reach your understanding about that and my messages.
• To find what you learn through him will help what you believe your real feelings more honestly for you, what you follow your real feelings and you share your real feelings with him.
• You will deepen more love between you and him through sharing your real feelings more honestly with him and taking his love from his actions and his behaviors, being confident of making you happy in himself.

『 TLDR: Boyfriend gives me confusing answers about my wish to get married. Should I leave or just accept the idea of probably never getting married? 』
【My view】; “ What do you want to do without his reactions ? Do you want to marry him without his reactions ? You don’t have to leave and you don’t have to accept the idea of probably never getting married if adjusting to his thoughts makes you lie to your real feelings and abandon your real feelings which you want to marry him.
Probably, he won’t be confident of making you happy in himself.
In my counselling,

• You will get how to communicate with him for being confident of making you happy in himself.
• You will get what you give to yourself and what you say to him for deepening more love between you and him.
• You will notice his love more, to notice his love will help you more happily.
• You will get what you give to yourself for shifting to your mind that you're just happy even you get married to him and you don't get married.

Guidance for getting my counselling
Regarding my counselling
【Pricing plans of E-mail counselling】

• 8,000 Yen per 2 times；You can get my counselling twice about your sufferings and your worries.

1. You talk to me about your sufferings and your worries.
2. I answer about that, I will share with you if I give you your work.
3. You question me more if you have another questions. You talk to me through experiencing your work I give.
4. I answer about that.

• 20,000 Yen per 1 month

1. There’s no limit to the number of times you can get my counselling for a month.

※ It won’t be easy to change your habit of your thoughts and your actions so far for you through once counselling, it will take time to get a new habit and keep to get it for you, so it will take time more than two plans for getting a new habit and keeping to get it in your case.
※ Price, given in Japanese yen, differs depending on exchange rate against your local currency. Make some adjustment, as a result, money you send will be a little over your calculation. Fee for sending money is yours.
I recommend you to use “ Wise ” regarding Procedure of remittance ( sending money ) because fee for sending money is lower rather than others.
For procedure of remittance ( sending money ), you need my mail address and the registration of Wise. Registration fee for Wise has no charge. I’ll send my mail address to your mail address.
After my confirmation of your payment, you can get my counselling of E-mail.
Many people have written you many comments which you should leave, but I have a difference between their views and my view, I advise that you cherish your real feelings you want to marry him and you believe your real feelings and you give priority to your real feelings within your inside for you.
by Orga Mitsuki

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ADHDabsurdity
TIFU by realizing I wasn’t washing my “hair” right for 20+ years
Originally posted to tifu
TRIGGER WARNING: depictions of severe skin conditions
Original Post Aug 2, 2023
Uh okay. So warning.. this is very much gross.
Over the past several weeks I have been feeling these weird skin-like but not fully-attached lumps on my head. I’ve been scratching and picking them off fully (or so I thought) and didn’t give it a second thought.
Well, today my boyfriend takes a good look at my scalp in one of those spots that I was scratching because he was curious as to what I was doing. Apparently I was really going at it without noticing.
He practically gasped and asked me if I had hit my head, or if it hurt. I was stunned for a moment (it only felt like a little dry skin) and that began my panic induced examination. As it turns out, my entire scalp is covered in ranges of flaky to thick lumps of dandruff. And because I have a lot of hair, it isn’t noticeable on the outside unless you start going through layer by layer…
I obsessively begin to scratch and scrape my entire scalp to the point where it’s now in pain. There’s flakes and chunks entangled throughout my hair.. I am freaking out. I start Googling, thinking I must be dying, all my hair is about to fall out, etc.
Yeah.. no. Apparently you are supposed to scrub your scalp when you shampoo… I never knew this. Also I immediately put my wet hair in a bun or braid every time I washed it so it didn’t dry for literally 24 hours and caused more dry skin buildup. I really hope that after years (plus scraping for hours today) I haven’t really fucked my scalp up.
TL;DR : I haven’t scrubbed my scalp for 20 years because I didn’t know you had to. I have been scraping chunks of dry skin off my scalp for the past few hours. I feel disgusting.
EDIT: Firstly I’d like to say thank you to everyone for your advice and kind replies! I also wanted to answer a few of the common questions I saw.
1) “How did you not notice this for so long?” - I don’t think it was this bad my entire life, as I’ve said I’ve only seen flakes sometimes. It got like this sometime recently. I don’t particularly make note of checking my scalp on a periodic basis. Also if you haven’t already noticed by my username, I have ADHD. Out of sight out of mind. I don’t even intend to be gross… but like many others with ADHD we can struggle with habit, routines, etc.
2) “Why did you not just go to a doctor?” - I’m in America and healthcare costs are high. I can’t afford to go see one at this time even with insurance.
3) “Where did you put shampoo then?” - I put it on my head (obviously) and throughout all my hair. I think since my hair is so thick that when lathering the shampoo in, I may not have been really getting it onto my scalp enough. I’ve made note of the shampooing twice to help with that though, so thanks to those who said that!
4) “Did your parents not teach you ‘xyz’?” - Apparently not. Not everyone has good parents. I definitely did not. I’ve had to figure out many things throughout life on my own.
Most replies were very positive/helpful though. Thank you! I will be getting a new shampoo as I’ve been using a very cheap brand. Hopefully that helps!
TOP COMMENTS
NovaHorizon

Go see a dermatologist! That doesn't sound like a pure hygiene issue.

obsidianbonefish

Sounds like psoriasis on your scalp. The flakes are thick and oily. A dermatologist can prescribe something for it.

~
3pelican

Tbh it sounds more like you could have developed psoriasis or something on your scalp. I don’t ‘scrub’ my scalp when I shampoo my hair - sure I get the shampoo to the roots but I’m not actively trying to exfoliate my head - and I don’t have this issue. You should see someone about it.

TIFUpdate by realizing I wasn’t washing my “hair” right for 20+ years May 20, 2024 (9 months later)
Hi. It’s me again. I posted nearly a year ago about my “disgusting” scalp. Most comments were super helpful & positive. Others… called me a gross human being.
Anyhow, as it turns out, many of you were correct. I have psoriasis. I wasn’t washing my haiscalp wrong like I had thought. (I thought you had to scrape it basically.. like many other commenters had me believe.) but I am not an unhygienic person. Quite the opposite.
After posting that, I started to develop dry patches behind one of my ears, and around my eyebrows. No amount of washing, or lotion, makes them go away. So yeah. Turns out I wasn’t washing myself incorrectly. I just have psoriasis… I guess even this update is basically another “TIFU” by thinking I was not washing myself correctly; when I just had a skin condition.
Thanks to everyone who gave tips for dealing with psoriasis! And I’m glad my post called light to an issue that is more common than people think!
TL;DR: My real fuck up was not that I was washing myself incorrectly. I have psoriasis.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Sarcasmiron

I hope you got the psoriasis diagnosis from a dermatologist. Don't rely on reddit diagnosis. See a dermatologist if you haven't already, if you want a guaranteed plan of action.

OOP

Yes. I’d never just rely on a “Reddit diagnosis” . I’m not insane lol. People on here can give good advice but I know they aren’t doctors. I saw a dermatologist (again). I already had been living with a minor skin condition; keratosis pilaris. And my brother has eczema. But now I have been diagnosed with psoriasis.

~
dano5

do you have the nail-pits? it looks like someone took a needle to my nails on my hands.
that's how I found out... and going bald once in a while helps me and my scalp a lot, but that's not for everyone :p

OOP

Yeah I actually do.. I never considered anything of it though. And was always told it wasn’t a cause for concern. They were just “marks that meant you’ve survived trauma”. So that is really interesting that you brought that up. As for the going bald to help it part, idk if that’s something I could ever do. My hair means a lot to me. As a female/fairly feminine person, I can’t imagine myself without my hair.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Background: I have ehlers danlos syndrome, fibromyalgia, POTS
TLDR?: My foot rolled over on itself early Thursday morning, went to urgent care to get an X-ray, claimed no fracture or dislocation. Foot has been gradually getting more swollen and blue bruise color. Went to ER early this morning (Tuesday) because of IMMENSE pain, they refused to admit me saying it wasn't a "true emergency" and refused to even do any kind of imaging study (X-ray, CT, ultrasound). Hospitalist I work with says that's bullshit, they should have admitted me. Earliest orthopedic appointment I could get is Thursday and I'm legitimately concerned now if I should try to go to a different hospital to try to get formally admitted so the surgeons can examine my foot.
So I unwrapped my foot right before settling in for bed (didn't think to take a photo and I don't wanna go through the whole process of unwrapping it now), the foot swelling is worse by about 10-20%, the cyanosis (blue bruise color of my skin) is starting to spread over my entire foot (it's like a very faint shade of blue-purple) and going up my ankle.
When we went to the hospital this morning at about 4am, doctor said "well we aren't going to admit you because this isn't an emergency, emergency, we will give you some pain meds and nausea meds so if you feel ill in your stomach you can take the nausea" despite me clearly saying "can I at least get an ultrasound or CT to check on the soft tissues?" And they refused saying I needed to be formally admitted for this.
The earliest I could get an orthopedist appointment is Thursday morning. It feels like my skin is being stretched painfully thin over my foot where the injury occured (basically I got up too fast from the couch, BP dropped, pots episode, foot rolled over on itself in my effort to self correct).
My boyfriend is really concerned about my foot (he's not one to easily worry) and is worried that I could lose potential sensation or worse case scenerio, possible toe amputation because of how badly swollen things look (as well as the bluish color).
So now I'm laying in bed, with a wrap around my banged up foot and a hot toes/hands in the wrapping to try heat therapy to encourage the muscles and everything to relax.
He flat out said "if you get a lot of pain again tonight, fuck it, we are going to another hospital and demanding you get admitted because this is not okay at all". I work with a hospitalist remotely in another state (been working with this one for about 8 years), explained the foot situation and he texted me "😠 what the fuck if I saw you, I would have absolutely admitted you."
So, what exactly is the next best move? Really hoping I don't wake up in the middle of the night in a lot of pain again, at the same time, I am now legit worried about the condition of my foot and I do not want to risk any life long damage to it or potential amputation of toes due to lack of blood flow because the swelling is so bad right now.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years at this point. We did briefly break up for about a month and a half earlier this year but we both realized we wanted to be with each other. The reason we broke up, was because he ended up losing his job, and he went a week without speaking a word to me. Prior to this, I have noticed communication issues with him. There were multiple occurrences of me trying to get ahold of him without being able to reach him. And usually on days we had plans. He also tends to shut down when he’s having a rough day and it takes me calling him/texting him multiple times just to get a response. I was slowly starting to grow resentful of this. So, when he went a week without speaking to me, I just couldn’t be with him. And, I broke up with him.
I missed him terribly but was also focusing on myself and trying to heal myself from the relationship. Then, he called me 1.5 months later and we talked on the phone for 3 hours. I’m not going to lie, the words got to me. He apologized for the way he handled things. For going that long without speaking to me. He told me we are a team and we can get through anything together. So, I decided to give it another shot. And it was great. For almost 2 months, we were in absolute bliss. Communication was great, we hardly argued, I wasn’t feeling anxious about not hearing from him.
Then, last week, we had an argument. We had made plans to meet up in the city, get lunch and take cute photos throughout the city. It was his idea but I was really looking forward to it because we have never done anything like this. He texted me that morning saying we need to reschedule our time because he needed to take his sister to the ER. I didn’t know the reason why he had to take his sister so I wasn’t sure if it was serious or not. I responded saying “hope everything is okay, keep me updated”. And then I hadn’t heard from him all day. I called him, texted him and nothing asking for an update. He then updates me, 9 hours later that his sister fell and hit her head. I expressed my concern and wished for her speedy recovery. I then asked him to call me when he had chance. He calls, and we talked for about 10 minutes. He said sorry for not saying anything and that his phone was on silent and didn’t want to talk to anyone and that he couldn’t focus on anything else.
I’m not mad that he couldn’t meet up, obviously his sister is injured. It’s the communication. I had to take the day off of work so we could do this. Our work schedules never align because we work opposite schedules so this was the only option. When he was texting me later that night, I never brought up why I felt upset. I just asked him how his sister was doing, he said she’s doing better and I told him I was glad she was better. I’m not gonna lie, I was giving short responses and he sensed it and asked me if I was upset I could tell him. So, I did exactly what he asked. He apologized for wasting my day. Which I appreciated. And this is something I know I should have just let go because he was in an emergency situation, but I ended up expressing my anger. I think I was just so frustrated because this has happened numerous times in the past and he promised me communication would be the one thing he would work on. And, I specifically said this to him too because he asked me to tell him if I was upset. He took is as me being mad we couldn’t meet up and he basically said our plans matter more than his sister being in the hospital. Which, again was not the case.
We got into a pretty heated argument about this. So much miscommunication happened. He wasn’t understanding me and I wasn’t understanding him. I apologized to him about not being more understanding. He then said a few things that really bothered me. He said every time we have gotten into an argument before, he basically loses faith in our dating and his feelings for that person goes down. He also said it was up to me to keep the relationship going. That if I wanted to still date, that he has no problems with it but that our future is not guaranteed. I asked him what he meant by this and he basically said that looking back at the arguments we had, he doesn’t know if he would be able to take it to the next step (talking about marriage and whatnot).
We have gotten into arguments before and yes, it does get mentally draining. But, my feelings for him have never changed. And for him to basically leave it up to me to decide, to say our future isn’t guaranteed really upset me. He’s essentially telling me he will be okay if we break up. I can’t imagine not being with him. I feel afraid almost that if we get into another argument, he’ll say these things to me. I almost feel like I am walking on eggshells around him and I don’t want to live like that. And he’s telling me he can potentially take it to the next step only if we don’t argue or have disagreements and that’s an unrealistic expectation.
After this argument, we both took a few days to cool down. One of his friends from out of state came to visit and he asked me if I wanted to hang out with them both. So, we went out and had lunch and spent time in the city. And, he was being completely normal with me. He was being affectionate, holding my hand and hugging me and kissing me. Which is honestly not what I was expecting. I wasn’t expecting him to invite me out let alone be affectionate to me. I still wanted to talk to him about the situation. To be honest, I am not sure how to even talk to him and what to say. Sometimes I have a hard time articulating what I want to say which is why I want to get some advice. I also want to know if this is something worth saving, just based on what he said. I honestly don’t know what to do.

I (23F) am a busy young adult. I am a nursing student (currently taking summer classes as well, I work nearly full-time, I volunteer with shelter kitties, I have a healthy relationship, and I try my best to balance out everything at the end of the day. I don’t do drugs or drink.
My brother (20M) is mentally ill. He recently had a manic episode in which he threatened the lives of those who live with us, peed on our house, cussed out me, cussed out my mom, stole my moms social security and opened up credit cards in her name, and ultimately, impulsively moved out. He was taking drugs and drinking daily. I was upset when my mom said she would take him back into our house. My younger brother (16M) took his room, so he’s been sleeping on the couch. But now (without asking me), they let him use my room when I am not home. This is upsetting to me. He had a stomach illness and I work in the food industry. I came home from work and he was in my bed in his underwear on the phone arguing with his girlfriend. When I got upset and told him to leave, he left cussing about having to sleep on the couch…
Also when he had his own room here it was so extremely filthy. I’m particular about cleanliness.
Fast forward to today, I spent the night at my boyfriends and I woke up to a long message saying I need to let my brother use my room as he pleases when I’m not home. My mom called me a bitch and told me I treat my mentally ill brother like an animal and when I asked her why, she said it was because I asked her if he had a job yet (he’s chronically unemployed and plays video games all day) and won’t let him use my room. She said I act as if I’m better than my siblings. She said it’s inhumane that he does not have privacy. She then focused on me not spending enough time with them, she says I spend too much of my free time with my boyfriend. I told her it is hard to spend time with someone who says I have a bitch attitude and when I asked her how, she couldn’t give me a single example. She kept going back to me being cruel for not letting my brother use my room.
I just want a space that is my own and I don’t want to kick someone out of my bed every night when I get home from work. Now, they are all calling me cruel and I am starting to think I may as well let him use my room and start saving more aggressively to move out albeit that is difficult in nursing school.
AITA?

I can't explain the dread I feel right now. I love him so much, I've drifted apart from basically all of my friends and he's the only person left right now that I actually enjoy hanging out with and put effort into seeing. He texts me daily, is so understanding of me and my anxiety issues - he's sat with me for hours upon end, rubbing my back, telling me everything is going to be okay. Granted, a lot of these anxiety causes were over stuff he did, but still. He showers me with compliments, and we get up to so much fun together. I can't recall the last time I had so much fun with someone just lying in their bed, going out for a walk, etc. I love him so much.
But, a more logical side of me is telling me we have to break up. I am extremely torn and it's causing me so much anxiety. There have been several incidents that have deeply hurt me and made me question our compatibility.
About a month or two after he and I became official, he sent me a picture of a girl he used to sleep with, intending for me to recreate it. He claims he “didn’t know” that it was her, frankly I was and continue to be insulted by the fact he thinks I’d believe he saw that picture and didn’t immediately know it was of his female friend and not some random girl he didn’t know, especially since he had cut her face out of the picture. Another thing related to this same girl - followed by an indulgence of my anxiety, I checked her instagram profile and I can see that he's liked a select number of pictures of hers whilst we were dating, all pretty provocative, which also makes me very insecure. What makes this different is that he’s told me they’re no longer friends, not by his choice but by her refusal since she ghosted him after they slept together, which makes it seem like he would be with her if he was given the choice. If I was her, I’d take a like to a picture like that to mean that he was still interested, especially since he told me she ignored his messages after they slept together, it changed the context a bit.
He also throughout our relationship for the first maybe 5 months demonstrated a very intimate knowledge about most of his female friends; I’ve heard him go into details about his female friends’ preferred masturbation techniques and relay that to me as advice, their favorite positions in bed, when I said I enjoyed it when he did something in bed, he could casually mention how “his friend told him she loved it as well”. For clarification, they never slept together, they had just deeply discussed things like this.
By happening to catch some notifications while we were on hisphone, I also was informed of his friend who sent him semi-regular updates about her sex life, describing certain sexual acts they did, how good the guy was, commenting on dicksize, etc. I made it clear I was not OK with this and he agreed that he found it too much. He claims he asked her to stop. But then, it happened again, and he blamed it on her forgetting. What hurt me here was also his lack of reaction when we both saw the text notification, he just noted on it and then continued watching the TikTok we were watching. He didn't seem to care about how it affected me or the breach of our set boundaries. That makes me suspect he either didn’t care or wasn’t surprised because, well, maybe he never set those boundaries in the first place.
When we spoke about it later, he did validate my feelings, but what also took place was him protecting her behavior. It made me feel so undervalued, and unheard. She has had sexual trauma, therefore she must message her friend who is in a relationship about who she had sex with, why, when and how. It was just such a shitty excuse, and I don’t know what’d make me feel worse; him genuinely believing that or him being so willing to lie to me. Regardless, we’ve now come to the decision to cut her off. So that problem should be “dealt with”, but my feelings of betrayal and distrust still linger.
I could never imagine doing these things in a relationship; it would make me feel like I was cheating. This is why I believe we're incompatible. While he may find this behavior acceptable, I don't. can't handle the anxiety and insecurity it causes me. I think I simply have a more conservative view of relationships, intimacy, and sex, and I believe it's essential that my partner shares this perspective.
Another major issue between us is our sex life. While I've enjoyed some aspects, I often feel my sexual needs aren't reciprocated. Despite discussing this before, improvements have been minimal. For instance, when I asked to use a condom for the first time, he put it on but then continued basically dry-humping me until he came. After that, I asked if he wanted to do something else - me still being horny - and he said he was too tired to continue. Next day, when I clarified “something else” meant intercourse, he was upset he missed out, indicating he did have energy but chose not to please me.
Another time, after we started kissing and moved to the couch, he requested I give him a blowjob, which I did, but then after he came he just left me on the couch, feeling used and alone. I feel this happens a lot, he is very focused on his own pleasure but not mine. What makes it worse, when I gathered courage to ask for reciprocation with a vibrator, which is hard for me being that forward, he responded unenthusiastically and then ignored it to first eat then play video games, then claiming he forgot. He later asked me “oh, did you want me to still do that?” maybe two hours later, but I was hurt and felt the way he asked seemed like it was more of an obligation to him than wanting to pleasure his girlfriend.
I've tried to communicate my needs and understand his, even considering factors like potential porn addiction (might be) or lack of attraction. Regardless, our sexual incompatibility persists. I need a partner as interested in my pleasure as I am in theirs.
All these reasons are, like I said, very logical reasons for a breakup, but my dread about it persists. I feel like I would rather take the insecurity and anxiety than feel this way. I’d miss him so much. It doesn’t help that I basically thought I was aromantic and asexual before I met him, I haven’t really been attracted to guys the way I am to him, on an emotional and physical level. I feel like I would never find someone who compares. I am an anxious wreck. Would apprechiate any advice on what you would do in my situation, how I could come to terms with breaking up. ANY insights, and I mean ANY, I would love, I am in dire need.
As a side-note, I was thinking of basically re-formatting this text a bit and sending it to him together with my break-up text, to explain it. He would require to know why, and I'd feel it'd be cathartic. Thoughts on that?
TL;DR: I'm torn about breaking up with my boyfriend, whom I love deeply and share a strong bond with. Despite his support and our fun times together, several incidents have hurt me and made me question our compatibility. He sent me a picture of a girl he used to sleep with, asking me to recreate it, and (IMO) lied about not recognizing it was her. He liked provocative pictures of her on Instagram, making me insecure. He shared intimate details about his female friends' sex lives, which made me uncomfortable. A friend of his sent explicit updates about her sex life, and despite agreeing to set boundaries, it happened again, with him showing little concern for my feelings. These actions have caused anxiety and insecurity, making me feel undervalued and unheard. Our sex life is also problematic; my needs often go unmet, and efforts to communicate haven't led to significant improvements. Despite these issues, the thought of breaking up fills me with dread, as I can't imagine finding someone who makes me feel the way he does. I need advice on how to come to terms with ending the relationship and moving on.

My now ex boyfriend uploaded my explicit pictures and videos on the internet and on top of it he used to blackmail and threaten. So I’ve filed an FIR against him in the police station and right now he is in the jail but it’s bailable so he’ll probably be out in a month. I still have to give my statement in the magistrate. I have no idea what is the process and how will the trial begin and how can he defend himself.
If anyone have any knowledge on this, I would really appreciate your help.