Exploring Java's Core Concepts

Java's handling of data and method arguments is a fundamental aspect that affects how programmers write and understand code. At the heart of this discussion lies the question: Is Java "pass-by-reference" or "pass-by-value"? This question is not just academic; it influences the design and efficiency of Java applications. Understanding the distinction and its implications is crucial for developers aiming to manipulate objects and primitives effectively in Java. The way Java treats variable passing under the hood can lead to different outcomes in code execution, affecting everything from variable manipulation to object-oriented programming practices.
The confusion often arises from Java's ability to manipulate objects, leading some to believe it operates on a pass-by-reference model. However, the reality is more nuanced, affecting how functions and methods interact with data. Clarifying this concept is essential for debugging, optimizing, and writing efficient Java code. By dissecting Java's argument passing mechanism, developers can gain insights into the language's behavior, allowing for more precise control over program flow and state management, ultimately leading to more robust and maintainable applications.

Command	Description
int, Object	Primitive data type and object declaration in Java.
System.out.println()	Method to print messages to the console.
new	Keyword to create new objects.

Delving Deeper into Java's Argument Passing

In Java, understanding the distinction between pass-by-value and pass-by-reference is crucial for developers, as it fundamentally influences how methods interact with arguments, be they primitives or objects. Java strictly follows the pass-by-value paradigm. This means when a variable is passed to a method, a new copy of that variable is created and used inside the method. For primitive types, such as int or double, this concept is straightforward. A copy of the value is made, and any modifications to this value within the method do not affect the original value outside the method. This behavior ensures the integrity of the original data, allowing developers to operate with the assurance that their variables outside the method scope remain unchanged.
However, confusion often arises when dealing with objects. While Java still uses pass-by-value for objects, what gets passed by value is the reference to the object, not the object itself. This subtle but crucial distinction means that when an object is passed to a method, the method receives a copy of the reference pointing to the same object in memory. Therefore, while the reference itself is a copy, any modifications made to the object's attributes via this reference will affect the original object. This behavior often leads to the misconception that Java uses pass-by-reference for objects. Understanding this mechanism is vital for developers to effectively manage memory and manipulate object data within their Java applications.

Understanding Pass-by-Value with Primitives

Java programming language

public class Test { public static void main(String[] args) { int a = 10; incrementValue(a); System.out.println(a); } public static void incrementValue(int number) { number = number + 1; } } 

Demonstrating Pass-by-Value with Objects

Java code snippet

public class Car { int speed; } public class Test { public static void main(String[] args) { Car myCar = new Car(); myCar.speed = 10; increaseSpeed(myCar); System.out.println(myCar.speed); } public static void increaseSpeed(Car car) { car.speed = car.speed + 10; } } 

Clarifying Java's Pass-by-Value and Pass-by-Reference Mechanisms

The concept of pass-by-value versus pass-by-reference in Java is pivotal for understanding how information is transferred between methods and variables within a program. Java's strict adherence to pass-by-value means that when a variable is passed to a method, a copy of the variable is created for use within that method's scope. This principle applies universally across Java, regardless of whether the data type is primitive or an object. For primitives, this mechanism is straightforward: the method operates on a copy, leaving the original value untouched. This ensures that changes made within the method do not inadvertently alter the program's state outside the method's scope.
When dealing with objects, the nuance of Java's pass-by-value becomes more apparent. Although it might seem like objects are passed by reference, Java actually passes a copy of the object's reference. This distinction is crucial. It means any modifications to the object's attributes through this copied reference will reflect on the original object, as both references point to the same memory location. However, if the reference itself is changed within the method, this does not affect the original reference. This understanding is essential for managing memory effectively and manipulating object-oriented data structures in Java applications, ensuring developers can predict and control how data moves through their applications.

Common Questions on Java's Pass-by-Value System

1. Question: Is Java pass-by-value or pass-by-reference?
2. Answer: Java is strictly pass-by-value, copying the variable's value for primitives or the reference value for objects when passed to methods.
3. Question: How does pass-by-value affect primitive types in Java?
4. Answer: For primitive types, pass-by-value means any changes to the variable within a method do not affect the original variable outside the method.
5. Question: Does Java pass objects by reference?
6. Answer: No, Java passes a copy of the reference to the object, not the object itself, maintaining the pass-by-value paradigm.
7. Question: What is the implication of pass-by-value for object modifications?
8. Answer: Modifications to an object's attributes via its reference affect the original object, since the copied reference points to the same object in memory.
9. Question: Can changing the reference within a method affect the original reference?
10. Answer: No, changing the reference to point to a new object within the method does not affect the original reference outside the method.
11. Question: How can one ensure data integrity when passing objects to methods in Java?
12. Answer: Understanding that objects are passed by copying the reference can help manage how and when data is modified, ensuring integrity.
13. Question: Does pass-by-value affect performance in Java?
14. Answer: Pass-by-value can affect performance, especially when large objects are involved, due to the need to copy object references.
15. Question: How does Java handle method overloading with pass-by-value?
16. Answer: Method overloading is unaffected by pass-by-value, as it depends on the method's signature rather than how values are passed.
17. Question: Can pass-by-value lead to unexpected behavior in Java?
18. Answer: Without proper understanding, it might lead to unexpected behavior, especially when modifying object attributes thinking it's pass-by-reference.
19. Question: How can developers work effectively with Java's pass-by-value system?
20. Answer: Developers should be mindful of the pass-by-value nature, especially when dealing with objects, to manage memory and data flow effectively.

Wrapping Up Java's Pass-by-Value Discussion

Java's approach to handling data through pass-by-value is a cornerstone concept that influences the behavior of both primitives and objects within the language. This article has dissected the nuances of how Java processes variables and references passed to methods, highlighting the importance of understanding this mechanism for effective programming. Despite common misconceptions, Java's consistent use of pass-by-value for both primitives and objects—via copying the reference, not the object itself—ensures that developers must be meticulous in how they manage memory and manipulate data. Grasping this concept is not just about adhering to Java's syntax but about embracing a methodology that enhances code maintainability, efficiency, and predictability. The clarity provided on this topic aims to empower developers with the knowledge to navigate Java's intricacies confidently, fostering a deeper comprehension of how Java's design principles affect day-to-day coding and overall application architecture.
https://www.tempmail.us.com/en/java/understanding-java-s-argument-passing-mechanism

I know I know, why are we even wasting 5minutes on an ex? I’ve just always opted to take the high road and show respect. I just can’t decide here.
our breakup from 4yrs was savage. a text from him and then some kind of no contact. he was always the first to ever reach out, but casually and briefly. he did end up chasing my siblings bestie after 2 months of “healing”. i mailed a birthday card with a gift card last year, even though we were already a few weeks split up. he thanked me for the gesture and for being me but, I think he mistook it bc he also mentioned we shouldn’t think to get back together—even though i didnt hint to it. I just knew how sad I felt readjusting, and wanted to still be kind on the last bday of his I thought I would acknowledge. unfortunately, when my birthday came around a few months later, he did not reach out… maybe at that time he was still riding the high of a rebound, and only now he’s actually starting to feel remorse and process the break up.
that leads me to today. part of me feels like I should match his energy and not greet, but I would feel guilty. I don’t want to start convo, but I don’t want it to be assumed unkind to ignore the day. maybe im not completely ready to bury it. he has since apologized at the end of last year and once more a month ago. I will attach his latest apology. he was definitely the villain in the end, but after seeing this second go round of apologies, although we’re kind of no contact still, I kind of want to greet him—in case he’s really changed and to the least deserving of acknowledgement.
pros and cons of texting? will I look silly or send mixed signals? he’s probably still with the other girl, so I could be made a fool of for texting ex happy birthday… but he’s the one still with his rebound yet offering me sweet nothings.
im not sure if his reaching out again was closure for him, or if passively putting the ball in my park.
some of his apology
^{^(} It’s not just today, it’s anytime I think of how I could’ve been better tbh. It’s when I notice what I’m doing now and I catch myself later on being sad and recognizing if only I could’ve been that way with you when you needed me to be.)
^{^(} I know I caused so much hurt and pain for so long you didn’t deserve that from me. It’s not guilt or apologizes that you bring by mentioning this it’s just the truth. What my heart feels and it’s because deep down inside through all of it all there’s love and will always be love for you. For who you were to me and the girl that I wanted to be with and was with. But I guess that’s life )
^{^(no} this is not some sad feel sorry for me but more you deserve to know that I know I messed up in a lot of things and I’ve recognized it. You learn from your mistakes in life and you just have to be better and that’s all I’m hoping for to never hurt someone I loved and loved me like you did ever again.)
^{^(I’m} just honestly grateful that you do not hate me. Your love was pure and kind. The memories and times we had are real and I think that at the times were we had so many storms I just wasn’t strong enough or ready. And I’m sorry I hope you know that things always remind me of you of us and it’s hard. I do hope and always wish for the best for you and just hope that you are okay.)
^{^(And} I say that genuinely with a heavy heart that knows what I did to you and wishes that it could’ve been better for us. I took you for granted is the truth.)
Do I text because maybe deep down I’m trying to also keep the memory alive? Or maybe he’d prefer I didn’t reach out, advice please!

Dear Elysia,
A few nights have passed and new wounds have opened up, I forced you to bury your feelings in a bottomless pit, so that they would fall into oblivion along with other platonic and unnecessary passions, but it's no longer my fault... You know very well that you hurt him and that your words were bitter, there's no going back, everything will be different now.
You could easily have ignored this message and made up some excuse as you always do, but unfortunately, you preferred to swim against the current and drown in an icy sea of thorns, when you look at it, the discomfort is visible and a bitter, harsh taste comes into your mouth.
I'm waiting for you in your mirror to talk, don't run away from me, I'll come back for you.
Yours sincerely, Subconscious.

I, 35 female, had been in an on again off again relationship with my boyfriend, 45 male, for the last 3 years. I won't bore you with the details of how we met and what went on for the last 3 years of our relationship, I'm just going to get to the point.
Back in late September 2023, my boyfriend moved to Iowa. We had just gotten back together when he sprung that on me and I was rather upset at first but knew that he was only moving because it was for his mental health. Living in the big city can be very costly and stressful, so I understood his reasoning. I did not go with him and figured we would go our separate ways. Fast forward four months later and I get a message from him through Facebook messenger asking me to call him. I call him and learned rather quickly that he had been drinking but he was asking why I suddenly ghosted him by not replying back to his texts or calls. For context, I never blocked his number.
I told him that I did not get any of his texts or calls. He asked me why I never tried reaching out to him and I explained that I thought him moving away and not staying in contact meant the end of our relationship. We had a lengthy conversation that night and he asked me to come visit him. I told him that I will consider it but would need to build up some PTO as I had just started a new job and didn't want to risk anything during my first 90 days. We stayed in touch after that, calling each other daily and talking on the phone for hours just catching up and going over mutual interests and so on until I've built up enough PTO to go visit him.
You may wonder why I was the one to go visit him in Iowa. Firstly, he wanted me to see the town he had decided to settle in. Secondly, we had discussed resuming our relationship and possibly having me move out there as it was out of the question for him to move back to the city where I live. I understood his reasoning for moving but felt that leaving the life I have behind for him felt a bit extreme. But I kept an open mind about Iowa and went to visit (side note, there are no direct flights to where he moved to. I had to fly to Chicago, which is a 2.5 hour drive away and he had to rent a car to pick me up). I spent a four day weekend with him, and I'm not going to lie and say that it was magical and romantic because it's Iowa. Seeing him again, however, brought back all the feelings I had for him and I realized just how much I had missed him.
I honestly didn't see much during my visit as it wasn't a dense town like I would see back home, as everything was very spread out. That should have been my very first clue to the kind of life it was like. It was very quiet and peaceful, which was a change. Unlike the city where it was always busy and sirens going off in the distance was a constant, at night it's dead silent. It was definitely a change in pace and I was more or less charmed, but not impressed. My weekend visit was over before we knew it and I returned home back to the life I was most comfortable with.
My boyfriend and I resumed our daily phone calls, but I noticed our conversations began to shift towards me moving out to Iowa. And in truth I was swayed by the idea of leaving the big city for small town life, however, my biggest hesitation was job security. I work in the medical field and finding a job with my skill-sets wasn't a huge challenge aside from the lack of urgency of callbacks from the jobs I had applied to. My boyfriend reassured me that it was just how things were in Iowa, that unlike the city, the businesses moved through a system that was much slower than what I was used to. I had my doubts but then again I didn't know much about the hiring process in the mid-west. My boyfriend then said it would probably go a lot faster if I was actually in the area (which I was skeptical about but didn't comment). I knew he just wanted me there with him and, at that time, I wanted to be with him because I had truly believed that we had talked through our past issues and were now on the same wavelength of what we wanted as a couple moving forward.
Boy was I in for a rude awakening.
I literally packed up my life into my SUV. I didn't take any furniture with me knowing that what my boyfriend lacked we could always buy. It took me 3 days of driving to reach Iowa and I had never thought I'd be so happy to be in Iowa or all places, but I was. I was blinded by hopes and dreams of a happy life with the man I thought I was in love with. I should mention that I have been saving money for a down payment on a house for the last 5 years and have managed to save $20k. It has been a personal goal, not dream, for myself to be a homeowner, not because I want that white picket fence dream, but because I simply want a home that is truly MY home. I want a safe space that truly feels mine and have it reflect the type of person that I am, instead of apartments where I would have to return the space to the manufactured setting once I leave.
Now, the housing market in Iowa is relatively cheap compared to Washington. And when I saw the cheap listings, cheap as in less than $200k for a 3 bedroom 2 bath, move-in ready house I was ready to commit my new life in Iowa with my boyfriend. At first, my boyfriend was very supportive of my house hunting, he knew that it was personal goal of mine and had always said how he admired my ambition to become a home owner. I got in touch with a realtor agent who collaborated with me on what my boyfriend and I were looking for in a home. I probably saw about a dozen houses within my first 2 weeks since arriving to Iowa and I actually found a house that we both really liked. I was ready to put in an offer when my boyfriend suddenly told me that he didn't want to become a home owner, saying that it was too much of a commitment that he never wants to make.
It gave me pause, and though I was very disappointed in having to put aside a goal I made for myself, I half-heartedly agreed. It was then things started to unravel between us and his mood just quickly declined. I should note that my boyfriend has diagnosed PTSD from childhood trauma and he has a tendency to become anxious and agitated when stressed out. The days that followed I had noticed a shift in him and because he works from home, I just assumed it was because his work was stressing him out.
I tried to be a good girlfriend by staying out of his way while he was working and try to be as quiet as possible while at home. I would try to help out with small things like letting the dogs out to relieve themselves and take them on short walks. I tried to be mindful to not make a mess. Along with my boyfriend's anxiety and mental health struggles he also has OCD, and while back in Seattle I had noticed he liked to keep a clean home, out in Iowa it had become abundantly clear that the smallest mess would upset him.
His bad mood only worsened. One day, while he was folding laundry, I asked him if there was anything he'd like me to do around the house because I wanted to be helpful. He said "If you see a mess, clean it." That came off as truly strange to me.
"Do you want me to vacuum or clean the bathrooms?" I asked.
He looked at me like what I had asked was the dumbest question he had ever heard and snapped at me with: "If you see a mess, clean it. You're not 12 years old, you're not being paid an allowance to do simple chores. You're an adult, you should already know what to do."
What he said embarrassed me and made me feel so small and inferior, but it also truly angered me. Where was all this hostility suddenly coming from? I didn't want to start a fight over chores and simply helped him fold the laundry. We eventually had a talk, which turned into him going on a tangent about how he requires to keep a clean and sterile house, that "everything has its place" in the house. He then went on about not wanting the commitment of home ownership and that he has no intentions of ever returning to Seattle. He told me how all my stuff cluttering the bedroom and office is taking a toll on his mental health and that it's my job to make sure that they're all put away so he doesn't have to see them (mind you, I was still unpacking and with limited storage space the rest of my belongings are still packed away).
Then he suggested something that blindsided me. He suggested that I possibly look for my own place so that we live separately and slowly integrate into each other's lives again. It was then that I took account of all the red flags that had sprung up from before I foolishly packed up my life to be with this man that I suddenly no longer loved. It was as if a switch in me had been flipped and all those feelings of affection just left my system. I told him that what he was proposing wasn't possible because I was struggling to find employment and didn't want to waste my savings on a brand new lease, especially since I was just added onto his lease.
I tried to find a middle ground with him, especially when it came to my personal belongings. I knew that he was talking about my makeup being out on the counter. Mind you, my second day in Iowa, we had gone to Costco where I found a makeup organizer and purchased it. All my makeup fits neatly in it and isn't scattered all over the place, he just doesn't like seeing them. That still wasn't good enough for him but I had to point it out to him by saying "I live here, too. It's only fair that I should feel like this is my home."
After that, the tension between us only got worse. He would have angry outbursts over the smallest inconveniences and prioritize more on his "mental and physical health" than work on our rapidly deteriorating relationship. I'm also at fault for not trying harder to talk things out but after he suggested I find my own place I subconsciously knew our relationship was over, on top of that, I was also emotionally drained and feeling depressed.
Now moving to the present, I had finally secured a job that would be opening a clinic nearby, meaning I wouldn't have to waste gas as much and would finally be able to contribute financially to the household. When I told my boyfriend the news it was received with a rather lackluster response but I still held out hope that once I start working and be out of the house more things might mellow out. Then, over the weekend, everything fell apart.
I had woken up early because the dogs needed to go outside. I knew my boyfriend wasn't getting much sleep lately so I let him sleep in as much as possible. Once the dogs had finished relieving themselves I had the intention of going back to bed to get another hour or so of sleep but the dogs came in to disrupt that plan. My boyfriend didn't like that and got up explosively, cursing and yelling as he stomped downstairs about how he couldn't get any sleep. I go downstairs to tell him that he can go back to bed, that I forgot to feed the dogs after letting them outside and that I would take care of it. He yells at me that he would do it since he's up and then goes on a rant about how his life was disrupted ever since I arrived. Let me remind you that he wanted me there in the first place.
He blamed me for the poor sleep he's been having ever since I arrived (there is also 3 dogs sleeping in the bed with us). He blamed me for his financial woes (he took care of the bills until I found a job). He blamed me for the hit to his credit score (I took a hit as well because we were getting pre-approval for a home loan before he said he didn't want to move forward with it). Blamed me for the decline in his mental and physical health (he vapes throughout the day and his vices are scotch and ice cream). And he blamed me for his inability to focus on drawing his comic series because of his mental health decline (he's a decent artist but I can't take credit for his creative block).
While he listed off all the things I am to be blamed for and how he had made so many compromises for me I reflected back on my surprisingly short time here (3 weeks, nearing 4), I was the one who made all the compromises. I was the one who made the bigger sacrifice. I traveled half-way across the country for a man who will never make my happiness a priority. From the start of our relationship 3 years ago to now, I was the only one who had to make sacrifices just to pacify this giant man-child.
He brought up me finding my own place again and I told him that if I have to move out then I'm returning to Seattle. He didn't fight me on that but the downside is that I have to wait for my parents, who had planned to drive out this way in June from Seattle, to visit friends in Chicago. They've been made aware of the situation and will be driving out in my step-dad's pickup truck to haul back all of my belongings and we would leave together in both my step-dad;s truck and my SUV. I had emailed the hiring manager I had gone through my interview process with, letting her know that I unfortunately will be returning to Seattle due to personal circumstances.
In the meantime I have begun submitting my resume to clinics and hospitals back in Seattle and already have several interviews set up (much faster turn-around than Iowa) and hopefully soon I will have secured a job before my return home.

Just trying to get as many opinions as possible bc the people in my life keep giving me mixed viewpoints.
One of my (18F) best friends (18M) is a guy we can call Kevin. Kevin was seriously one of my closest friends, someone who could give me brutal truth and honesty, great advice, reciprocate my sense of humour and talk about any topic to.
Kevin and I first met in grade 8 where he was the new kid at my old school and I was one of his first friends. Kevin and I lived in the same area, which is a trek to my old school, and was one of the only kids my age I knew in that area, so we became fast friends and close. Kevin, at one point in year 9 (ages ago), had a crush on me, but I rejected him bc I knew our friendship was better than that, and nothing of that nature has come up since.
In late year 10, Kevin got a girlfriend, Alanna (now 18F). I’ve moved schools and Kevin is one of the only people I’m still in contact with, and now my only friend who lives in my area, so we continue our friendship meeting up every month or so for a run, coffee and gossip about our old school. Alanna never comes up in convo except when I ask how she is, and he says good, what she’s been up to, end of discussion.
Flash forward to present day, Kevin broke up with Alanna 2 weeks ago bc of undisclosed reasons (I never asked). Kevin is permanently leaving for the Air Force soon so he came up to Canberra so we could meet one last time, so we met up with a few other old guy friends and hung out. A few days later I post a photo dump on insta of activities and photos of my family and friends from the past month, on the very last slide is one of Kevin from that Canberra meet-up. Kevin messages me a few days after the post, saying that it was “extremely upsetting” for Alanna, and to take it down. He continues to say that he should’ve never hung out with me at all during his relationship, bc he did it seeking “validation” and “attention”, which is a wild fucking thing to say, and a bit of a punch to the gut tbh, bc im not a yes man, all I ever did was treat him like I treated all my female friends and I viewed our friendship as a genuine thing and not whatever he apparently sees it as. Anyways, he says “I’m not sure if I can talk to you for quite a while, you’ve been an incredible friend to me, and I hope that everything works out really well for you” which kinda makes it seem like im being cut off for being the toxic one?? And now im just confused, are we no longer friends? And should I be ok with that considering all our friendship was to him was a source of validation and attention? But I am genuinely curious, AITA for posting that photo?

I work at a restaurant and am relatively new working a lot of hours only getting paid 15 an hour. I’m a manager and have already hit burnout. I tried reducing my hours to come in 2 or 3 and close at midnight instead of coming in at 12 which would reduce my shifts to about a regular 12 hour shift. For context I normally get 17 to 18 an hour at previous places I’ve worked and here I’m making food by myself the entire day. Lately I noticed on the days I’m there extremely late and I get in trouble for it the labor will be at around 13 to 14 percent and that’s why it’s taking me longer. Then my boss just presumes to say well the labor doesn’t matter it should take 2 and a half hours at most on a bad day.

I can give the penny 😉 but it won't work if you're in the negative.
Webull investment app wants more customers, so they are running this promo!
They give you 3 fractional stock shares worth between $3 and $3,000 each.
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Please message me for the link
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I am specifically looking for good stats on SINGLE PLAYER SETTINGS. I know that on server settings the answer is usually 25k health and 500%+ melee. My rex currently has 25k+ Health and around 2600% melee which tells me the damage scaling is very different for singleplayer settings. So my question is will the bosses be a breeze because of these inflated stats? or are they too scaled up to match the new settings? and If so where should I aim my stats to be? btw I don't plan on switching to server settings

After a wonderful year with an amazing girl who I fell in love with and was building a future with, I got suddenly dumped. Just a few days before the anniversary of the day we met.
About two months ago, after I returned from a trip, she came to meet me with the intention to break up because she felt the relationship had lost the ‘spark’. We had a healthy conversation and communicated the flaws and what was missing and decided that we would work on them together and revive it. Over the next month, we did exactly that, both proclaimed that we loved each other. We had our serious discussions and planned out the next couple months with weekend trips, and her introducing me to her mom who was supposed to visit this past weekend.
May 1st, her birthday, I surprised her, had a wonderful day on the weekend with her friends and everything seemed to be going great. She came by to spend the night next day and she would reiterate her feelings for me, through words and actions and everything seemed to be going great. May 8th, before going to sleep, I told her how much I missed her, and what exactly I missed about her to reiterate my feelings to show how serious I was as well. May 9th, morning, she replied normally and said she missed me as well and wished she could cuddle with me all day every day. I jokingly said I want to hear more, in detail as to how much she misses me. That message was followed by an entire day of silence. We were supposed to meet later that day however, she made up a reason to not meet and then called me later in the night and broke the news.
She felt she did not want to be in a relationship with me anymore. She had come to realize, that she would never love me the way I love her. We met a day later to say our goodbyes as I was in a state of shock. I was blindsided. I thought I only reciprocated the feelings. She mentioned that ‘I miss you’ message from me made her realize that she could never love me the same way. She said she will always hold love for me and care for me, and cherish the memories we made over the past year. I couldn’t muster up the courage to fight for us, how could I knowing that it was probably the last time I would be seeing her? I asked her what changed, what happened, what did I do and all she responded was ‘I don’t have an answer for you. I wish there was a reason, because you do and say everything that I want you to do and hear.’ Yet she left me. I didn’t beg, all I could say was, if that’s what you feel, how can I change your feelings?
I sent a letter proclaiming my feelings to her and why I said what I said and how ‘she’ had planned all those trips and plans over the next couple weekends and the summer. The day it got delivered, I sent her a message that I wasn’t expecting a response, even though I so much wanted to, and that I will be blocking/removing her from my instagram as that’s the only social media app I use.
She didn’t reply, it broke me apart, but maybe that was for the best? So, it’s been 17 days of no contact, and I miss her every day, all day. I truly loved her and this has broken me into a million pieces. She was the first girl I was going to confess my love for, to my conservative and religious mother. It felt like someone snatched the earth from beneath me. I wake up in the middle of the night multiple times trembling or sweating dreaming about her. I have lost 8 pounds due to a loss in appetite. I have been meditating, journaling, working out, playing soccer, staying busy as all of you have said but it still feels like a gaping hole in my heart. I get anxious and shortness of breath. I cry till I can’t cry anymore. Each day is a battle with myself so I don’t reach out to her.
How do you go from best friends one day and to being a stranger the next? She made me a better man than I was yesterday and now it feels like everything I had hoped for is shattered. I know time heals all wounds, but how do I go forward knowing she will not be a part of my life the way I had and atleast till the last day, she had envisioned as well? It hurts.
I miss her so much and I know I will always love her. But I’m doing my best to stay no contact so I can hopefully heal. Why is the world so cruel?

I (23F) am a busy young adult. I am a nursing student (currently taking summer classes as well, I work nearly full-time, I volunteer with shelter kitties, I have a healthy relationship, and I try my best to balance out everything at the end of the day. I don’t do drugs or drink.
My brother (20M) is mentally ill. He recently had a manic episode in which he threatened the lives of those who live with us, peed on our house, cussed out me, cussed out my mom, stole my moms social security and opened up credit cards in her name, and ultimately, impulsively moved out. He was taking drugs and drinking daily. I was upset when my mom said she would take him back into our house. My younger brother (16M) took his room, so he’s been sleeping on the couch. But now (without asking me), they let him use my room when I am not home. This is upsetting to me. He had a stomach illness and I work in the food industry. I came home from work and he was in my bed in his underwear on the phone arguing with his girlfriend. When I got upset and told him to leave, he left cussing about having to sleep on the couch…
Also when he had his own room here it was so extremely filthy. I’m particular about cleanliness.
Fast forward to today, I spent the night at my boyfriends and I woke up to a long message saying I need to let my brother use my room as he pleases when I’m not home. My mom called me a bitch and told me I treat my mentally ill brother like an animal and when I asked her why, she said it was because I asked her if he had a job yet (he’s chronically unemployed and plays video games all day) and won’t let him use my room. She said I act as if I’m better than my siblings. She said it’s inhumane that he does not have privacy. She then focused on me not spending enough time with them, she says I spend too much of my free time with my boyfriend. I told her it is hard to spend time with someone who says I have a bitch attitude and when I asked her how, she couldn’t give me a single example. She kept going back to me being cruel for not letting my brother use my room.
I just want a space that is my own and I don’t want to kick someone out of my bed every night when I get home from work. Now, they are all calling me cruel and I am starting to think I may as well let him use my room and start saving more aggressively to move out albeit that is difficult in nursing school.
AITA?

After a wonderful year with an amazing girl who I fell in love with and was building a future with, I got suddenly dumped. Just a few days before the anniversary of the day we met.
About two months ago, after I returned from a trip, she came to meet me with the intention to break up because she felt the relationship had lost the ‘spark’. We had a healthy conversation and communicated the flaws and what was missing and decided that we would work on them together and revive it. Over the next month, we did exactly that, both proclaimed that we loved each other. We had our serious discussions and planned out the next couple months with weekend trips, and her introducing me to her mom who was supposed to visit this past weekend.
May 1st, her birthday, I surprised her, had a wonderful day on the weekend with her friends and everything seemed to be going great. She came by to spend the night next day and she would reiterate her feelings for me, through words and actions and everything seemed to be going great. May 8th, before going to sleep, I told her how much I missed her, and what exactly I missed about her to reiterate my feelings to show how serious I was as well. May 9th, morning, she replied normally and said she missed me as well and wished she could cuddle with me all day every day. I jokingly said I want to hear more, in detail as to how much she misses me. That message was followed by an entire day of silence. We were supposed to meet later that day however, she made up a reason to not meet and then called me later in the night and broke the news.
She felt she did not want to be in a relationship with me anymore. She had come to realize, that she would never love me the way I love her. We met a day later to say our goodbyes as I was in a state of shock. I was blindsided. I thought I only reciprocated the feelings. She mentioned that ‘I miss you’ message from me made her realize that she could never love me the same way. She said she will always hold love for me and care for me, and cherish the memories we made over the past year. I couldn’t muster up the courage to fight for us, how could I knowing that it was probably the last time I would be seeing her? I asked her what changed, what happened, what did I do and all she responded was ‘I don’t have an answer for you. I wish there was a reason, because you do and say everything that I want you to do and hear.’ Yet she left me. I didn’t beg, all I could say was, if that’s what you feel, how can I change your feelings?
I sent a letter proclaiming my feelings to her and why I said what I said and how ‘she’ had planned all those trips and plans over the next couple weekends and the summer. The day it got delivered, I sent her a message that I wasn’t expecting a response, even though I so much wanted to, and that I will be blocking/removing her from my instagram as that’s the only social media app I use.
She didn’t reply, it broke me apart, but maybe that was for the best? So, it’s been 17 days of no contact, and I miss her every day, all day. I truly loved her and this has broken me into a million pieces. She was the first girl I was going to confess my love for, to my conservative and religious mother. It felt like someone snatched the earth from beneath me. I wake up in the middle of the night multiple times trembling or sweating dreaming about her. I have lost 8 pounds due to a loss in appetite. I have been meditating, journaling, working out, playing soccer, staying busy as all of you have said but it still feels like a gaping hole in my heart. I get anxious and shortness of breath. I cry till I can’t cry anymore. Each day is a battle with myself so I don’t reach out to her.
How do you go from best friends one day and to being a stranger the next? She made me a better man than I was yesterday and now it feels like everything I had hoped for is shattered. I know time heals all wounds, but how do I go forward knowing she will not be a part of my life the way I had and atleast till the last day, she had envisioned as well? It hurts.
I miss her so much and I know I will always love her. But I’m doing my best to stay no contact so I can hopefully heal. Why is the world so cruel?

My boyfriend and I got into a really bad argument, and he's really busy with school, work, amd internships so we haven't even really been able to talk it out and since he was the only person I ever talked to since I don't have any other friends, I'm really lonely and it would be nice to have someone to talk to and just be friends with. Also yes we are still together and I do very much still love him, so please keep everything platonic.
I'm not that interesting so it can be hard to find things in common with people, but I really like Marvel, Harry Potter I'm currently rewatching The Office, I play genshin impact, honkai star rail, and I'm trying out wuthering waves, and I also love playing stardew valley! I'm a huge reader, mainly romance tho lol and I work at a library! And a library is actually more action pact than one might think, so there's a little tidbit of info for you
I'm not good at making conversation, but I enjoy just random chatting, talking about our days and hearing other people talk about their interests and learn new things so if you would like to talk and become friends feel free to message me! (18+)

So, 10 months ago I got a new boss at work. He’s been great to work with. We have a great working relationship and we get along very well. There’s a lot of trust between us and we both opened up to each other about our personal lives pretty quickly. He shared with me that he was gay just a week after he got hired. After working with him so closely for a while I started developing very deep and strong feelings for him. I couldn’t say anything because I didn’t know if it was mutual and I could also risk losing my job or at the very least making things awkward between us. 4 months ago he started dating a guy and it seems to be going well. This whole experience has been so hard and emotionally painful. Today, I learned that he decided to leave and take another position elsewhere. If he wasn’t dating someone, I would use this as an opportunity to share my feelings and see if he would be interested in possibly dating. But, now that he’s dating, is it worth it to still share with him how I feel? I’m crushed that he’s leaving and I won’t see him everyday, and struggling if I share how I feel I would risk losing a friendship with him. Any thoughts?

So, recently nagkaron ng issue na hindi makapag-transfer from Paypal to Maya, and I saw a lot of people recommending GoTyme as an alternative.
However, sabi nung iba ay medyo matagal daw yung pagreflect ng balance transfer considering na "instant" dapat yung transfer.
Tinry ko magregister at magwithdraw using GoTyme and so far okay naman.
Here's what I did:

• Downloaded and registered with GoTyme via the app
• Transferred some residual Maya funds to GoTyme app (PHP ~200)
• Went to nearest GoTyme Kiosk to print GoTyme Visa card
• Linked GoTyme Visa Card to Paypal - asked for Paypal (via message center) para palitan yung currency ng card maging USD
• Verified the GoTyme Visa Card on Paypal ($1.95usd transaction na irerefund within 0-5 business days) - I think eto yung makakatulong para mas madali ang pagtransfer ng funds kase usually daw sa unang transaction nahohold pag bago sa GoTyme
• Proceeded with Paypal to GoTyme transfer

Note: In my experience, naging iba yung virtual card ng GoTyme after ko magprint ng physical card sa kiosk nila. So be aware, baka i-connect n'yo yung virtual card ng GoTyme sa Paypal.
-Di ako affiliated with GoTyme.
Sana nakatulong.

My boyfriend and I pay (we have a joint bank account) the mother of his children a set amount a month. We have no custody agreement with her, nor any set child support, we just pay her.
She is technically the “custodial” parent, because she doesn’t let us see them a lot. The verbal agreement was every weekend (we’d do more if he wasn’t on evening shifts & she wasn’t stingy about it or weird about them staying with me only) I’ve never given her a reason to feel like this. I work full time, I am recently 29, I work for the department of defense, I was in the army for 8 years until I got out, no legal trouble. She lets me watch them alone when it conveniences her and she has something to do. Like there’s no reason for her to be like she is. She also lets them go over and spend the night at her new husband’s brother’s house alone. So, yeah, there’s a double standard there.
Well, recently, we found out she’s been getting welfare and food stamps. She has a new husband, pregnant, and a total bum if I’m being honest. We give her more than enough every month and then some. But she’s ALWAYS asking for more money. Her car’s broken, she needs car insurance money, her rent is late, kid’s gymnastics needs paid (even tho we already sent her money this month to pay it) pay for the kid’s entire birthday party, all of their Christmas and birthday gifts because “she just doesn’t have the money” ALL. OF. IT. She also lets her new husband eat all of the good food like Chick-fil-A when they order it and then tell her kids to go get canned food out of the pantry. Won’t buy them new shoes. Took them school shopping at “Larry’s garage” and that’s her husbands brother. The boy showed up in pants he was literally walking on.
Ok, we let it slide. We haven’t been giving her more money for the past 9 months or so, instead buying whatever she says she “needs” for the “kids” which is a BS excuse most of the time and she acts pissy about it when we actually buy what she says she needs. Recently, something happened that just didn’t sit right with us. She told his entire family (they were together for 9 years, 2 kids together) that we don’t pay her anything & that she’s struggling financially. She has no college education, no plans to do better for herself in order to get a better job, she works as a substitute lunch lady and her new husband doesn’t even have a car. Said that we leave it all on her. That WE never ask for the kids or want to see them because we are “living it up” which we are not. At all. We’re still in our one br apartment trying to find another place we can afford (even tho we make well over 100k a year together) and she’s in a 4 br house she can’t even afford with a pool in the back yard & a dead beat husband.
My question here is, even though we’re not officially paying her through a court mandated process, on our own free will, can she be penalized for not reporting that for not reporting it to the WIC/DHR office? Was she supposed to claim that on taxes? We have a custody hearing on June 3rd for all of this, but honestly I’m sick of her & her lies, vindictive nature. I know she didn’t claim any of it on taxes, but I AM going to turn her into the welfare office if I have the grounds to. We feel like the kids would be better off with us anyways. She cannot financially support them, which is a major factor in raising a child.
We are located in PA, a commonwealth state. If anyone has any info please let me know. Thanks in advance.

Hello everyone! 🌟

I was watching the Pokimane episode, and she said something that really hit home about the need for online security information, especially for women. She mentioned how scary it is to deal with stalkers, tracking devices like AirTags, and the lack of adequate stalking regulations. This really hit home that we need to be vigilant.
As a normal girlie, I've had people try to hack my accounts and make fake profiles using my photos. It's a bit much. The law hasn't quite caught up yet, so we need to stay vigilant! Here are some tips to keep us all safe online:
This will be a long guide but it's so important to stay informed.

🌐 General Online Safety Tips

Use Strong Passwords:

• Create unique passwords for each account: Use a mix of uppercase letters, lowercase letters, numbers, and symbols.
• Avoid using easily guessable info: Steer clear of using birthdays, pet names, or other obvious choices.
• Consider using a password manager: I use 1Password, and it’s a lifesaver! A password manager securely stores and generates strong passwords for you. It was a bit of a hassle to set up, but it’s so worth it now because it helps me store everything. Plus, I can share my Netflix password and other accounts with my family easily. 🌸
• Need help setting it up? They also have great user guides here and support here if you get stuck.

Enable Two-Factor Authentication (2FA):

• Extra layer of security: 2FA requires a second form of verification, like a text message or app notification, in addition to your password. It’s like having a double lock on your door, making it much harder for anyone to break in! 🔒✨
• Why it works: Even if someone gets your password, they’d still need your phone or access to the second verification step to get into your account.
• Always enable 2FA: Turn it on for accounts that offer it, especially for your email, banking, and social media. It gives your accounts an extra level of protection. 🌟
• Need help setting it up? For more details on how 2FA works and how to set it up, check out this detailed guide and JumpCloud's explanation.

Be Cautious with Personal Information:

• Avoid sharing personal details: Don't post your address, phone number, or financial information online. This info can be used by scammers or stalkers, so keep it private.
• Be mindful of social media sharing: Think twice before sharing personal updates. Make sure you know who can see your posts and adjust your privacy settings to keep things tight.
• Learn more: For additional tips on staying safe online, check out these great resources from Stay Safe Online.

📧 Email Security

Beware of Phishing Scams:

• Be cautious of unknown senders: If you get an email asking for personal info from someone you don’t know, be super sceptical. Scammers love to pretend they’re legit to trick us.
• Watch out for suspicious links and attachments: Even if it looks like it's from a friend, always double-check before clicking on anything. Phishing emails can be sneaky!
• Verify the sender: Check the email address carefully and look for signs of phishing, like bad grammar or urgent requests that seem a bit off.
• Learn more about phishing: Dive deeper into spotting phishing scams with Phishing.org.

Use Secure Email Providers:

• Choose providers with strong security measures: Popular email services like Gmail offer robust security features such as two-factor authentication, spam filtering, and protection against phishing attacks. These are great for general use and offer strong security.
• End-to-end encryption: For the highest level of privacy, consider using email providers that offer end-to-end encryption, like ProtonMail. This ensures that only you and the recipient can read the message, and not even the email provider can access it. This is particularly important if you're handling sensitive information or just want the peace of mind that your messages are truly private.
• Robust privacy policies: Ensure your email provider has a solid privacy policy that protects your personal information and doesn’t share it with third parties. Gmail has strong security, but it’s important to understand how your data is used by reading their privacy policy. ProtonMail, on the other hand, is designed with privacy as a priority and doesn’t collect or share user data.

🔒 Social Media Safety

Adjust Privacy Settings:

• Review and update regularly: Regularly check and update your privacy settings to control who can see your posts and personal information. This ensures you're always in control of your online presence.
• Limit visibility: Set your profile visibility to friends only or create a custom list of trusted people. This helps keep your personal information and posts private.

Limit Location Sharing:

• Avoid real-time sharing: For safety, avoid sharing your location in real-time. If you want to share your location, do it after you've left the place. This prevents anyone from knowing your exact whereabouts at any given moment.
• Be mindful of tagging: Be cautious about tagging your location in posts or stories. This also applies to tagging friends; make sure they're okay with sharing their location too.

Be Selective with Friend Requests:

• Accept only known contacts: Only accept friend requests from people you know in real life. This helps prevent scammers and stalkers from accessing your personal information.
• Be wary of strangers: Be cautious of friend requests from unknown people, as they often create fake profiles to gather personal information. Look out for red flags like a lack of mutual friends or minimal profile information.

🛡️ Device Security

Keeping our devices secure is just as important as online safety. Here’s how to make sure your gadgets are protected:
Keep Software Updated:

• Regular updates: Always update your devices and applications to fix security vulnerabilities. This includes your phone, computer, and any apps you use regularly.
• Enable automatic updates: Turn on automatic updates so you don’t have to worry about missing any important security patches.
• Learn more: Check out this information from US-CERT.

Install Antivirus Software:

• Use reputable antivirus software: Protect your devices from malware and other threats with reliable antivirus software. Some popular options include Norton, McAfee, and Bitdefender.
• Regular scans: Schedule regular scans and keep your antivirus software updated to ensure maximum protection.
• Read reviews: Find out which antivirus software is best for you by reading reviews from AV-TEST.

Use a VPN:

• Encrypt your connection: A Virtual Private Network (VPN) encrypts your internet connection, adding an extra layer of security, especially on public Wi-Fi networks.
• Protect your data: VPNs help protect your data from being intercepted by hackers. Some popular VPN providers include NordVPN, ExpressVPN, and CyberGhost.
• Learn more: Discover more about VPNs from NordVPN.

💬 Communication Safety

Use Encrypted Messaging Apps:

• Choose apps with end-to-end encryption: For private conversations, use apps like Signal or WhatsApp, which offer end-to-end encryption to ensure that only you and the recipient can read the messages.

Be Wary of Strangers:

• Caution with unknown contacts: If someone you don’t know tries to contact you, be cautious. Don’t share personal information or agree to meet them in person without verifying their identity.
• Learn more: Get tips from Get Safe Online.

💖 Mental Health and Safety

Seek Support:

• Reach out for help: If you’re experiencing online harassment or threats, seek help from trusted friends, family, or support organisations. Every situation is different, so it’s important to reach out to the appropriate authorities or professionals who can provide guidance specific to your circumstances.

Remember, your safety is paramount. I could yap all day about this, but for all of us (the girls, the gays, the theys) who are more susceptible to harm, the law doesn't usually catch up until tragedy strikes. So let's stay vigilant! 🌟💖

My first launch! Would love to hear back 😄
🌐 Welcome to DMhere! 🌐
Thrilled to launch DMhere – your new go-to platform for direct messaging on public forums. Simplified, efficient, and secure. Discover it now!
🔗 https://www.dmhere.com/
Why use DMhere?

• Job Seekers and Recruiters: Share your DMhere link on public forums or social media profiles to allow potential employers to contact you directly, or manage communications with multiple candidates securely.
• Online Communities and Forums: Communicate privately with other members without revealing your personal contact details, maintaining your privacy and security.
• Event Organizers and Attendees: Manage inquiries and communications with attendees, or network with other participants without sharing personal email addresses or phone numbers.
• Classified Ads and Marketplaces: Include your DMhere link in ads to handle inquiries from potential buyers securely, or negotiate without revealing personal contact information.
• Freelancers and Clients: Communicate with clients from various forums and job boards, ensuring all conversations are kept private and secure. We'd love to hear your thoughts! Your feedback is invaluable in helping us improve and grow. Please leave your feedback and suggestions after exploring the platform.

You can reach out to me directly here: https://www.dmhere.com/rdahale/9bd8

DMhere #Tech #DirectMessaging #Feedback

Looking to set up my new to me dell r720xd with proxmox.
1) Looking for recommendations for ssds to populate it with, was thinking WD reds, 2tbs.
2) Best zfs configuration to allow me to easily add additional drives to my main pool at a later date.
3) Best way to create a large smb share? I currently have a virtualized truenas server set up on a 710 I have running.
Notes). I'm not sure if the raid card in the 720 supports passthrough, but I will purchase one if needed. I'm looking to spend about $500-$600 today on ssds and slowly populate the rest.

Hello I am new to reddit and never thought I would be on here to ask a question. I read so many stories on here. But here is my dilemma.
Also this story is a long one I apologize for the long post. if this story seems scattered around, don’t hesitate to ask me questions.
In 2020 I (27f) lost my papa (56m) to a unforeseen disease. I was so depressed and put all my focus into work and taking care of my family, mom not in the picture. I was so affected by him being gone I switched jobs and cities so I could stop feeling sad.
A year passed by and one day I was leaving work when I got a random message from a guy (54m) saying hello and that he knew me. He was friends with my papa and sent his condolences. I of course was on guard asking why and how he knew us. He and my papa worked in the same work field and they would talk about it on different occasions. I then ask how he met me because I would have remembered. He told me my papa gave it to him. Which is true, he always remembered my phone number and never kept a phone due to his hatred for technology.
For future reference, I will call this guy A. So A told me he saw me with my papa a lot and I caught his attention. And I thought he was on drug, there was no way someone was attracted to me. I was and still am a bigger woman. A is one of those guys who prefers them bigger. Always trying to build my confidence up when I had none. We became friends not just plain old friends, the one where it’s a romantic relationship without the label and been inseparable since. Literally texting all day everyday for months on end. Both have tried dating people but it didn’t work, and he was always there.
In the being I didn’t know I was being lied to this whole time. A lied about his age three times over the course of knowing him. In order he told me 29, 26, and 35. I am still finding out more and more lies even recently it’s more. I was so blind to his bs. I tend to interrogate people when I notice things are not right and stories dont add up. Like the fact that he moved three times since knowing him never sent a picture of his face. But would send nsfw pictures and they were cropped. He said he was shy and didn’t like the way he looked. Or the fact that we had a few phone calls but his voice was in a whisper. We even lived 30 minutes away from each other and he always made an excuse to not meeting in person. A was always busy at work and didn’t have time off, not one day. But randomly tell me late after having multiple days of no work conveniently just remembered.
I was still acting like this stuff didn’t affect me. It’s not his age that bothered me, it’s the fact that he is lying about everything. I was so open and told him everything. Even things my family doesn’t and will never know.
Time passes he caught on that I was suspicious of him and put my guard back up. A finally wanted to confess. In 2023, he confessed he was 54, at the time I was 25 turning 26. A then told me earlier this year his name wasn’t real. In my mind I cant trust him. He called me young and childish because he had to come clean.
So can someone tell me what is going on?

Looking to set up my new to me dell r720xd.
1) Looking for recommendations for ssds to populate it with, was thinking WD reds, 2tbs.
2) Best zfs configuration to allow me to easily add additional drives to my main pool at a later date.
3) Best way to create a large smb share? I currently have a virtualized truenas server set up on a 710 I have running.
Notes). I'm not sure if the raid card in the 720 supports passthrough, but I will purchase one if needed. I'm looking to spend about $500-$600 today on ssds and slowly populate the rest.