Big agnes lost dog

Major s3 spoilers. So after 3 years I finally have the chance to watch season 3 of Pose and I kind of wish I had just left these character’s stories at the end of season 2. Everyone was so happy, despite the hardships they may have to face in the future. Papi and Angel being engaged , Blanca & Pray adopting two new children, walking off into the night with hope. Damon, taking a break from his amazing career to take care of his mother. And then, I started season 3. Excuse me ? What a slap in the face to , quite frankly everyone , but especially Damon? Did Ryan Swain , actor for Damon , have a falling out with the writers before he left ? That is the only explanation that I can think of for taking this amazing character with a shining light, the one character who actually made it out and made it big, and completely write him off with two sentences. Lamar : Your son Damon, the alcoholic. Huh ??? I had to pause and rewind. Alcoholic ?? Bitch, where ? And then, later, Blanca : I’ve already lost one person to alcoholism , I’m not losing another. Damon’s not coming back. He’s gone. Bitch, what ???!? What are we doing here ? Why would they not just have let him go back to Paris to continue his career ? What a slap in the face to every viewer if this show. I don’t even want to finish it now— I probably won’t. Ryan Murphy and his team of writers do this with every single one of their productions. Nothing is ever consistent and the decisions they make often feel like they did a line of coke and threw an arrow at a dart board. I’m also just not interested in seeing Angel throw her life away again and be confrontational and horrible to Angel. I’m over it. In my head, the season 2 episode was the final episode of the show. Thoughts ? Insights ?

Final update- We are being evicted. He wasn't paying the rent for the past 3 months. He said things slowed down at his job and since there has never been financial transparency I believed him. I did some investigating and I saw his most recent pay stub and he was making less but it was still enough to cover the bills with a 500 dollar surplus each week. I looked at his total sum that he's made thus far since Jan and it's my whole take home for the year!! He's made what I make in a year in 5 months!! I am so disgusted and defeated. I'm taking my daughter and moving us in with my parents but the problem is they live 11 hours away and I have to uproot my daughter and switch schools to a district we don't know about as she enters high school and I have to leave my job. Please take this as a cautionary tale. DEMAND financial transparency if you decide to stay at home even if it's just for a few years. Any words of encouragement and prayers would be greatly appreciated right now. My heart is breaking.
Update**** (See part 1 below for background)
I asked him to sit down with me and he said things are so far gone there's nothing to see. If I can't contribute to the big bills then I can't help. I really think we are getting evicted soon. I told him I'm going to take our daughter and stay with my parents a few states away until we can figure this out. He's now guilt tripping me saying I'm abandoning him with this mess. I told him we are possibly going to be homeless living out of a hotel and I can't have our daughter living like that. He said it would be temporary. If we face eviction he won't be able to rent it buy a house and I don't make enough to qualify. He's really making me feel bad like I took advantage of being home and working around our daughter while he held everything down and now we are facing a crisis I'm leaving. I've wanted to leave for years! Sorry if TMI but we haven't slept in the same bed for over 10 years or "anything" else because he's so stressed with work trying to provide for us. I told him if he could be more present and help with our daughter I have NO PROBLEM getting a full time job. He said no I need you to take care of her. I'm so miserable but somehow I really feel guilty for him paying all these years but I also sacrificed my independence. Thank you again for reading and all of your support and advice❤️
***********£
Part 1- I've always made great money but when I got married me and my husband agreed that I would be the one to give up my career and stay at home. Now that our child is in school I have a job but I can only work so much because I have to be there to run our child to activities and be there when she needs me. We agreed that my husband's job would come first and my job would have to be flexible because we have no family around or support system. Everything that comes to our daughter falls on me. He pays for all of the household bills and I pay for all of the groceries extra curricular's ( dance so it's really getting expensive) and all the clothes as extra stuff that comes with a teen girl. We have no joint accounts or financial transparency he just pays the bills and what ever I can make goes to groceries and our daughter. I never have anything left for me which I'm ok with but what hurts is that he makes me feel like he's doing everything and I'm just another dependent. I tell him we need to connect but he says he stressed paying bills has no time for us. I have no idea what's going on financially on his end he's so secretive. I don't even know his bank accounts. He recently said we might be getting evicted because his work slowed down but when I see our tax returns it's the same amount as last year. He started trading in Forex but claims it's not taking anyone money but now we are facing eviction. I think he lost money in forex. I'm so scared. I really want a divorce. He talks to me so degrading like I can't and I don't help. My WHOLE check goes to groceries. He makes 3x what I make. Am I the ahole? I can't support me and my daughter if I leave him. I gave up all of my earning power. PLEASE HELP!

Welcome to our first discussion of David Copperfield! This week, we will discuss Chapters 1-5. The Marginalia post is here. You can find the Schedule here. The discussion questions are below.
One reminder - although this is a classic novel that has been adapted many times over, please keep in mind that not everyone has read or watched already, so be mindful not to include anything that could be a hint or a spoiler for the rest of the book or for other media related to this novel! Please mark all spoilers not related to this section of the book using the format > ! Spoiler text here !< (without any spaces between the characters themselves or between the characters and the first and last words).
Links of Note:

• Goodreads page
• Storygraph page
• Rockingham Castle and Mr. & Mrs. Richard Watson: Dickens dedicated this novel to the Watsons (link has minor spoilers for Bleak House)
• A David Copperfield Map (zoom in to click on individual locations - beware of potential spoilers, though)
• Get your own Dickens character name! Use this automatic generator or go by your birthday.

Chapter Summaries:
Chapter 1 - I Am Born: David Copperfield launches into the retelling of his life story with that famous line that questions whether he or someone else will turn out to be the hero of his life…but we’ll just have to read the whole thing to find out! Immediately we are let in on the unusual circumstances of David’s birth, which is suffused with superstition, causing the town gossips to speculate wildly. He was born on a Friday night near midnight, which of course means that he’ll have an unlucky life and be visited by ghosts and spirits. (I mean, would this even be a Victorian novel without some ghosts? David assures us that he’s yet to be haunted, though.) He was also born with a caul (inside the amniotic sac) which means he’ll be safe from drowning. This is apparently such great news that they advertise the caul for sale after his birth, but only get one hit on Victorian Craigslist, so they hang onto it until they can put it up for a raffle several years later. David says he remembers that raffle and found it super weird to watch a piece of himself get sold off, which, fair! He does note that the old lady who won the caul died in bed and not by drowning, so I suppose it was worth it?
Anyway, back to David’s birth! His father had been dead for six months on the night of his birth, and his mother was a terrified teenager living alone with Peggoty, her servant-girl, so called because they share the same first name. One Friday afternoon in March, his mother was hanging out by the fire and pondering the likelihood of dying in childbirth, when a formidable woman named Betsey Trotwood showed up at her door. Miss Betsey was his father’s aunt and she loved Mr. Copperfield, but hated her abusive husband, who she paid off to go to India and leave her alone. It worked - he died there! On the night in question, Miss Betsey literally pokes her nose into Mrs. Copperfield’s window and then demands that the pregnant lady get up to let her in. Being a force of nature, she takes charge of the room right away, criticizing the Copperfields’ choice of home (a rookery with no birds?) and making somewhat disparaging remarks about Mrs. Copperfield’s history as an orphan and a nanny. She also declares that the baby will be a girl and demands to be the godmother and namesake so the new Betsey Trotwood (Copperfield) can undo all the mistakes of Great Aunt Betsey’s life. Mrs. Copperfield goes into labor and Miss Betsey stays by the fire, plugging up her ears with cotton. She spends some time mildly abusing Ham Peggoty (the servant’s nephew who was hanging around the house to carry emergency messages) and generally ignoring the doctor. Said doctor, Mr. Chillip, is a gentle man but speaks so slowly that Miss Betsey almost throttles him. When he congratulates her on the birth of a BOY, she smacks him upside the head with her bonnet and leaves immediately, never to darken the Copperfields’ door again! Welcome to the world, David!
Chapter 2 - I Observe: David Copperfield relates some of his early impressions of life: his memories of creepy pantries, stuffy parlors, boring church services, and a loving home. His mother is young and beautiful in these memories, and Peggoty is beautiful to him in her own way (though she insists she is not). One day, Davy's mom shows up with a stranger who walks her home and - gasp! - touches her hand! Davy immediately dislikes this black-bearded, dead-eyed interloper and Peggoty seems to like him even less. He falls asleep while his mother is swooning over her new admirer, but when he wakes up his mom and Peggoty are having a big fight. Peggoty says the new man is bad news and Mr. Copperfield would never approve, while Davy's mom says Peggoty is being unfair and heartless. When all she does is sacrifice for Davy, doesn't she deserve some attention and excitement?! All three of them end up crying, and things are never quite the same between the trio again.
Davy's mom continues to see this man, Mr. Murdstone, who rides up one day and invites Davy to take a little trip with him to see a yacht. Peggoty gets him ready in a huff, and you can just tell this is the Victorian era version of riding on the irresponsible boyfriend's motorcycle without a helmet. Davy gets to meet some friends of Mr. Murdstone and watch them do a bunch of paperwork on the yacht. They also make fun of him, comment on how hot his mom is, and make him drink brandy. Since Davy is a little kid, he thinks they're having a grand time. When he later tells his mom they complimented her looks, she is quite thrilled. And then a few months later, Peggoty invites Davy to go with her to visit her brother for a fortnight. She talks up the trip so Davy will be excited, but it's clear she's worried. Davy wonders how his mom will fare all alone, but Peggoty assures him she will stay with a neighbor. (Lies!) Mr. Murdstone is there to see them off and he has … opinions … about how emotional Davy's mom is during the goodbyes. I'm with Davy when he wonders why it's any of this guy's business in the first place. In retrospect, Davy reflects that he wishes he had known he was leaving something behind forever and he is glad that he and his mom had a touching moment full of love as his carriage pulled away.
Chapter 3 - I Have a Change: Davy endures a very boring journey across flat countryside towards the sea to get to Peggoty’s family in Yarmouth. When Davy complains, Peggoty defends her hometown, as a proud Yarmouth Bloater. (Here's some bonus reading: a Victorian-era article about bloaters.) Davy is won over when they reach the busy fishing town and he gets to see the Peggoty home: it is a boat that has been converted for living, and he thinks it is pretty perfect. It turns out to be a full house due to the generous nature of Mr. Peggoty (original Peggoty's brother). Just don't mention said generosity because it makes him super mad. Mr. Peggoty has taken in the orphaned children - Ham and Em'ly - of his drowned brothers, as well as Mrs. Gummidge, the widow of his fishing partner. Davy's fortnight with the Peggotys is full of happiness. He explores the seashore with Em'ly and falls in love with her. They bond over never knowing their dads, although Em'ly wishes she were a lady in the same class as Davy. Davy reflects that given what he knows of her future life, it might've been better if Em'ly drowned that day by the sea. Dark! Mrs. Gummidge often has melancholy moods where she cries all day and declares she has it worse than everyone else, but the family kindly chalks it up to mourning for her husband and assures her they don't want her to go off to the poorhouse and die.
As the visit draws to a close, Davy realizes he has quite forgotten to miss his home and becomes eager to see his mother and Blunderstone Rookery. Yet when they arrive, Peggoty pulls him into the kitchen nervously. She really botches the delivery of her big news because Davy first thinks his mother may have died and then, when she tells him he has a dad, imagines Mr. Copperfield may have risen from the dead. But she brings him to the parlor to greet his new step-dad: it's Mr. Murdstone, of course. Mr. Murdstone proves himself to be a real downer, kicking things off by correcting Davy's mom (who we discover is named Clara) for jumping up too enthusiastically at her son’s arrival. Davy sneaks away to find that his house has completely changed and the yard has acquired a mean, black dog that snaps at him.
Chapter 4 - I Fall Into Disgrace: Davy has fallen asleep crying after the discovery of his mother’s marriage, and when Clara and Peggoty wake him, his mom blames both Peggoty and Davy for his despair. Mr. Murdstone comes up and dismisses them both so he can be alone with Davy. He explains that if he had a stubborn animal, he’d beat it until it obeyed, strongly implying that Davy had better change his attitude or else. Things get pretty grim for Davy after this. He is kept isolated from both his family and neighborhood children. Mr. Murdstone’s sister, Jane, comes to live with them and immediately takes over Blunderstone. Clara is given no say in household matters: even the keys are kept by Miss Murdstone and, when Clara protests and weeps at being pushed aside, the Murdstones manipulate her into apologies and submission. When the family goes to church, Peggoty is no longer invited and the Murdstones keep Davy and his mother apart; Davy also notices that the family seems to be the subject of much whispering and staring from the community.
Davy’s days are miserable. He is often locked up alone in his room, where he loses himself in his father’s old stash of novels and uses this escape as a survival mechanism. (This collection of novels was taken straight from Dickens’ own childhood, according to his biographer John Forster.) When allowed out of his room, Davy endures lengthy, difficult lessons in the parlor. He suspects the lessons are meant as much to teach his mom the Murdstone tradition of firmness tyranny as they are to educate him. No matter how hard Davy tries, he cannot seem to remember the lessons under such severe supervision. Davy is belittled as stupid for his mistakes and boxed on the ears with his books by Mr. Murdstone. When Clara tries to help Davy at one point, Miss Murdstone catches her, and both Clara and Davy are in a good deal of trouble. Clara is chastised, Davy is removed from the room, and the next day’s lessons are overseen by Mr. Murdstone with a cane and switches. This goes about as well as you would imagine: in his terror, Davy makes more mistakes than ever and is dragged from the room by Mr. Murdstone. To her credit, Clara does protest and try to run after them (unsuccessfully). Mr. Murdstone wields his cane and switches, but Davy bites his hand in an attempt to wriggle away. He then beats Davy severely and leaves him locked in his room for five days. During his imprisonment, Davy sees only Miss Murdstone who brings him meager meals and allows him short walks in the garden each morning and family prayers in the evening, before locking him away again. At the end of this punishment, which feels like years to Davy, Peggoty sneaks to his room to whisper through the keyhole that he will be sent to boarding school in the morning. She tells him his mother isn’t very angry with him, only disappointed, and begs him to remember her and her love for him. She promises to look after Clara and they both vow to write to each other. Davy asks to be remembered to Em’ly and the other Peggotys.
The next morning, his mother expresses her disappointment in his behavior and her hope that boarding school will reform him; Davy seems to realize she has been coached to believe the worst of him. He chokes down a little breakfast before his coach arrives, and Clara steals one unsupervised moment with him to say goodbye affectionately. Then, they are parted, and Davy is on his way to boarding school. It’ll surely be a harmonious and supportive learning environment. Right? Right?!?
Chapter Five - I Am Sent Away From Home: Mr. Barkis, the carrier driving Davy on the first leg of his journey to school, pulls over not too far away from the house. Who should appear out of the bushes but Peggoty! She silently hugs Davy until she pops some buttons of her dress (one of which Davy keeps), hands him some cakes, and slips him a note from his mother that includes two half-crowns. Davy shares a pastry with Mr. Barkis, who asks a lot of questions about Peggoty’s relationship status and cooking skills. He asks Davy to write Mr. Barkis is willin’ in one of his letters to Peggoty, which Davy does at the next stop. As he waits in Yarmouth for the stagecoach to London, Davy eats lunch at a hotel restaurant where he is grifted by the waiter. This unscrupulous man tricks Davy into giving him his ale, most of his food, and some of his money. The rumor goes around that Davy has the appetite of a boa constrictor, making him too nervous to eat at the next stop for supper. Wedged between two men and with a woman’s luggage stuffed underneath him, Davy spends an uncomfortable night in the stagecoach as it approaches London. He finds it strange the next morning, after all the snoring and moaning he witnessed, that the adults insist they were unable to sleep a wink!
Upon arriving at the station in London, there is no one to collect him. Waiting in the office, Davy begins to worry that he will be turned out of the station at night, run out of money and starve, get lost walking home, or have to offer himself as a soldier or sailor (though he knows he is too small for that). Finally, a rather scrawny man - who Davy assumes is the Master of Salem House School - arrives and takes Davy the rest of the way. Weak from lack of food and sleep, Davy begs to stop so he can buy breakfast, and the man takes him to the home of a poor woman (presumably his mother) to cook the provisions they purchase. The man plays the flute very badly as Davy begins to eat, but soon Davy has fallen asleep. He wakes to hear comments of “delicious” which he assumes refers to the man’s music, but I bet indicates they were eating Davy’s breakfast. They continue on to Salem House, where a man with a wooden leg lets them in and throws old boots at Davy’s escort, who turns out to be Mr. Mell, an employee of Mr. Creakle, the school proprietor. Salem House is dilapidated, dirty, and deserted. Davy wonders where everyone is and Mr. Mell informs him that Davy has been sent to school during the holidays as punishment. Another punishment: Davy must wear a sign on his back identifying him as a biter, which makes him increasingly paranoid that someone is always behind him reading it. (Probably not.) He also worries that the students, whose names he can read carved in the doorpost, will all make fun of him for it when they return. (Probably true!) Mr. Mell, an odd man with various ticks, doesn’t pay much attention to Davy, but neither is he mean. We get another ominous reference to the future in that Davy says he dreads the return of boys like J. Steerforth and the presence of “the awful Mr. Creakle”.

Hi all. Long time listener, first time caller. On mobile so sorry for whatever that causes that I see other people frequently apologize for. Formatting?
This is going to be a lot long, apologies in advance. I have suffered from PTSD/CPTSD, GAD, and treatment resistant major depressive disorder for most of my teenage and adult life, or at least that's what the diagnoses are. I'm 34, bio female.
I lived a rough home life and moved out at 16, was homeless for a while at 17. This is just to say that I did have bad things going on, so the problems were not completely internal. But then I got a place and a job and my boyfriend at the time eventually stopped being physically abusive (not making any excuses, he was a bag of shit), but my life was going relatively smoothly at the moment, though still a bunch of unresolved trauma of course. Then thing kept getting worse mentally. Quit my job, went on disability, lost the ability to leave the house, and then after six months almost bed bound and two weeks of non stop crying I started my first antidepressant. Back story over, I promise.
I started with mirtazapine which worked wonders at the beginning. It gradually lost its effect, raised the dose until we couldn't anymore. Tried escitalopram and serroquil, couldn't handle the immediate side effects and didn't wait the weeks to let the meds start to work. For info escitalopram made the physical symptoms of anxiety go into overdrive (mostly racing heart) and serroquil made me unspeakably angry. I'd try escitalopram again, I feel at the time I didn't have the recreational drug experience to just ride it out. I do now.
Stayed on mirtazapine for over ten years, it clearly wasn't doing anything for me though. Was just afraid to stop or try something new. Spent a few years self medicating with coke and mdma while holding a job that I loved and was literally living my best life, and I was so functional! My job was abnormal and let me work when I could, I knew I still couldn't handle 9-5 5/7, but I was happy. In this time I'd also tried a lot of therapy.
Some time before the pandemic I stopped using recreational drugs, and then my work closed because pandemic. I started to really slip back down. My partner (at the time and now) had also done some retraumatizing due to his coke addiction (why we both stopped, he was never abusive, just lied about stuff, and is the most amazing partner now). I started Zoloft. The first day I felt like I had taken a bunch of M, spent half the day freaking out until reddit told me I wasn't alone. Zoloft worked wonders for me. Until after about a year, and it stopped.
Since then, we've tried abilify as an addition to the Zoloft (also really helped at first, then stopped). Keeping the abilify, I have also tried wellbutrin (did nothing, not even a side effect), Prozac (was effing allergic, boo), citalopram, and just tapered off citalopram and started Effexor. Also got rid of the abilify about a month ago because I couldn't afford it and I didn't feel it was doing much, and I'm not missing it. Taper from both citalopram and abilify was very manageable.
This whole time I've also had lorazepam to manage anxiety emergencies, and it has always been extremely useful when I need it.
I have also spent the last few years trying to get an adhd diagnosis, to limited avail. My psychiatrist finally gave in, told me I'd "jumped through enough hoops", and I started Adderall over two months ago. It has allowed me, for the most part, to get my shit done without feeling overwhelmed and shutting down.
Now here are my thoughts/questions (finally, I am so sorry). Except for the brief periods when I started mirtazapine and then later Zoloft, I have felt this background glumness that pervades everything. I think it's emotional bunting, except I am fully capable of feeling bad things if I'm drunk. I'm also tired of the weight gain and sexual dysfunction. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope with antidepressants (I once thought I'd be on them forever). I no longer know where my baseline mental health is and what are actually constant side effects/withdrawal from ssris/snris. I tried a couple years ago to wait a month on nothing between Zoloft and wellbutrin (my doctor made me keep the abilify) and it got really bad. But the withdrawal from Zoloft was so bad (brain zaps, intense paranoia, SI, intense moods) that I feel like I didn't get past that hump. And now with the Effexor, I slept in the other day and took my pill 5 hours late and was a mess all day with vertigo and really low mood. I'm tired of the mental and physical toll antidepressants have taken on me.
Now that I have the Adderall and can function, I'm wondering how much of my depression/anxiety was coming from just not being able to get through my regular responsibilities and self care without drowning. I can do these things now, and I havey lorazepam for anxiety/PTSD emergencies.
I have an appointment with my doctor next week where I plan to discuss all of this but, what do you guys think. Is there a chance the antidepressants have just been making me worse? I clearly have trauma but could untreated ADHD have caused a lot of the major depressive symptoms? Is it worth it to try to stop them altogether (I'm on the min dose of Effexor as of two weeks ago, no abilify) and just keep going with the Adderall. Is it possible to stop them completely but maybe go back on them for shorter periods if I'm having an MDD episode? Hell is it worth it to just quit antidepressants and just do MDMA a few times a year (I used to get great stuff and never crashed after, always felt great for days after a roll). Have any of you ever been in a similar situation and can share your experience so I feel less alone? I feel like I'm doomed to cycle through antidepressants forever and never really be happy and just have to keep going through withdrawals plus side effects when one stops working and I have to start another. But I'm scared that things could get really bad again if I stop. I run a business with my partner now and we are losing our one employee so it'll just be us and I'm afraid I'll screw our livelihood with an extended episode. I just don't know what to do. If you have any advice, any meds I haven't tried that you feel are worth a shot given my history, any therapies I haven't tried, any hopeful stories, or tales of caution, anything, I feel lost.
For what it's worth, for therapy I've done CBT (didn't finish) DBT (super helpful) and extensive talk and trauma therapy. Still have a therapist but can only see her once a month due to finances. I have a great relationship, great home, great job, dogs, cats, my life on paper is amazing. I'd really like to know that beyond objectively.
I also drink moderately, no weed, went through a phase with shrooms (microdosing and larger doses), not against doing them again, no other drugs at all, not even caffeine.
I'm so sorry that this has been so long, I didn't know how else to do it. If you've made it this far I can't thank you enough for taking the time and energy to try to help or sympathize with a complete stranger, you are an absolute gem.

I feel I should mention I’m autistic before all this, anyways I hate both my parents, I kinda always have. As long as I can remember my dad was an asshole that liked to hit me n’ my ma. Still, she stayed with him for almost 13 years after I was born. We had to leave in the middle of the night, otherwise he would’ve find out and locked us in cupboards and beat us til’ we were black and blue. After we escaped we moved in with my aunt and i began to realise how pathetic my mother is, she’s a shell of a woman. And ridiculously (this is where i’m probably the asshole) I started acting like my da, screaming at her even hitting her on some occasions (most of the time she hit me first, but i still hit her). One thing i remember saying was “You’ve been abused your whole life, by ur dad, my da, maybe your the problem!” After that, stupidly I started going to visit my da. I wanted to see if he was a horrible person or if it was just my ma making him that way. I mean she was making me that way, she was insufferable. I found out the hard truth that both my parents are awful people who had no right to have children, it was maybe my fifth visit and i almost lost a tooth cuz i took a nap instead of doing my homework. I came to find out i hate them both, i live with my ma and am now no-contact with my da so a lot of this hate has been very prominent in me and my mums relationship. I know she was hurt and traumatised by the things my da did to her but the thing is, she’s no better than him. She beat me over the head with the dog lead just a two days ago. She can’t handle her problems unless it’s with violence, threatening to send me to a home, or breaking down crying telling me what a bad mother she is, which I agree to but she gets offended cuz “how could I say that to my own mother”. She’s a violent, manipulative bitch. She’s never been a mother to me. Oh and she was like this WHILE we were still with my da. And if any of u need another reason to hate him, my da would kick and hit the dog.

My soul dog, Oliver, died six weeks ago today and I miss him more than I can possibly express. He was 13 years old and we had almost 10 years together. He was such a special, quirky little dude; it's not an exaggeration when I say I've never loved a being more than I loved my Oliver.
I'm sobbing as I write this because my brain is being just so awful to me. All I can think about are the times I lost patience with my boy, pulled his harness a little too hard, got annoyed when he ate something he shouldn't have, that kind of thing. I keep replaying this moment from one week before he died: it was time for his post-breakfast potty break, so we made our way down the hall to the elevators to go out. He started peeing on the carpet outside of the elevator and I was so frustrated that when the elevator doors opened, I pulled him inside and he slipped. I feel like such a monster!! Of course, on that same day, I finally realized (thanks to Dr. Google) that his heart was giving him trouble and he peed because he couldn't walk fast enough anymore. I started carrying him outside so he wouldn't have to exert so much energy - I wanted to avoid all stress for him.
So, instead of thinking about the love we had and all I did for him in his final days, all I can think is that I was a bad mother. Was I bad parent? Or is my grief-stricken mind just re-playing all the wrong scenes? I want to remember all the good times and sweet moments - when does this stop?

Hey there! Before anything,i know my account is new but i had another account that i lost not long ago so yeah,i swear i am not a robot or a kidney stealer. Maybe a heart one tho? Who knows.
Ahem,so about me!
-I'm a 20,almost 21 year old male from Europe. Mixed,and bilingual. I'm here looking for a very special girl that knows what she wants. Someone to appreciate life with,and enjoy moments together irl and online. I guess you could say i'm a big romantic in this world of looks and such. And talking about looks!
Physically speaking: -I'm neither obese or slim,i do have some extra love but hey,i'm good for warming u during winter! haha. Height wise i'm between 5'11-6'0. CM speaking it's 181/182cms. I have dark hair and brown eyes. You could say i'm like a teddy,since i do have hair but if you like that i'm glad.
So,what do i like,have interest in? -My main interests are:
Gaming: I love anything rpg related. Started playing DS1 a few days ago and finished it today. I want to play BG3 so bad but my pc isn't good,so i gotta save for a better pc. I also play Fortnite so if you wanna duo tell me! My main game franchises are: Fallout,Warcraft,Final Fantasy. And starting to like the Souls one too :))
Manga/Anime: I'm not a big weeb,yet i do love some of them. My main ones are : D-Gray Man,Berserk,Gantz,JJBA,Hellsing and Dorohedoro. One Piece is my childhood tho.
I also love Fantasy in general and i want to be a fantasy author. I do worldbuilding and all of that cool stuff so if you're a fantasy girl it'd be so good!
Music: My main artists/bands are Muse,System of a Down and Queen. I love classical music but mostly rock/nu metal and old pop.
But,what am i looking for in a girl?
-Well i'm not very picky. Just...you know,share stuff from above with me or have similar taste,be yourself and have true intentions. My main aim towards the future relationship-wise would be getting you know,a ring on your hand. And also some little devils,you know? So i hope you want the same. My age range is from 19 to 23 years old,i guess. Ethnicity,beliefs or location don't matter to me,yet it'd be more comfortable if you were from Europe if you don't your timezone messed up,but if you don't care about that thing,go ahead as well! So what else...i don't know,don't want to write the whole bible here. If you feel interested about me and want to see how things go,introduce yourself as detailed as you want in dms,and also add the word "Icarus" so i know you saw all of this.
Anyways,see you in dms maybe? Hope so!

So I was married to Emily for the longest time, two beautiful children together, a dog and parrot. The whole thing. It was good for a while, but after so many years we just lost that spark. She stared buying random bits of furniture and putting them all over the house in the weirdest places. It's clear I have a vision for the interior design of our home, and she didn't even mention it to me before bringing a horrendous pink chair into the middle of the kitchen. She would also make these passive-agressive hints that she didn't enjoy this life with me. She'd say stuff like, "it's a simple life, but i don't mind it." I felt it was time we both move on with our lives separately. I filed for a divorce. Since then she's been distant and wants space but I think we can be friends again.
The day after Emily moved out, I asked her sister, Haley, to marry me. I figured I do need someone around to help with the kids, since Emily left them here and hasn't mentioned co-parenting. And Haley and I have been seeing each other for the past few years as well, nothing sexual just a deep emotional connection and the official title of girlfriend. She's pretty annoying and hates my gifts but she's super hot.
Anyways we got married and I thought the dust would settle but yesterday she slept all day in bed. At first I thought she was just sleeping in, since I'd only shared a bed with her sister before her and Emily was always strangely up at 6am like me. I thought it was a cute part of Haley's personality. But I got back to bed at 4pm (yes I sleep for 14 hours sometimes no hate) and she was still there so I just cuddled up and when to sleep. But this morning she's STILL in bed so I went to talk to her and she was pissed off and snapped at me that she wants to spend the day in bed.
I think us getting married so fast put a strain on her relationship with Emily. What do I do to fix things with my wife and AITA ?

Going to the concert tomorrow and wondering if we do, or not, access to the early entry, as I don't wanna arrive 4h before if I won't be able to leverage the early access. One friend bought the tickets for the whole group and transferred them to us. Now we have a big issue.
Heard from Ticketmaster. Ridiculous. No merchandise box. Now I wonder if we also lost access to the early entry.
System (Ticketmaster US) Jun 9, 2024, 05:00 UTC
(04:59:12) Dave Wilson Hernandez: Hello, I am Dave. I understand that you are looking for a VIP package with your tickets.
I see that your tickets were transferred to you (rather than purchasing your tickets from Ticketmaster), so there is no VIP package included with the tickets, If you paid someone else for your tickets, reach out and see if you can get the package from them or if they offer other options.
All merchandise, VIP package elements, fan club memberships, and ticket insurance originally purchased or included with the ticket are not transferable. Ticket insurance will not apply to transferred tickets.

Sorry to ask but does anyone have a Jolly/Naive level 1 Riolu? Long story short, I lost my best friend, Noki, a few weeks ago. He was the sweetest, goofiest, and most lovable dog in the world, and I want to keep his legacy alive in as many ways as possible. Wanted to try to get a level 1 Riolu that matched his personality. I missed my chance on Iron Island and I don't want to restart my game, although I'm tempted. He meant a lot to me, and I want to try to keep him near and dear to me at all times. Sorry for the sappy stuff, but thanks for reading.

So in a nutshell I moved to Australia on a working holiday, where I met my ex. We started dating and got engaged, and we started living with each other. During the year we were together, he bought two puppies. The first one was from a pet shop and the second one was from the show breeder. I am immensely close to the second one and as we broke up and I flew home, he agreed to letting me keep the second one and to transport her back to my home country. I got in touch with the breeder about this a month ago and she consented. Fast forward to today when I asked for information of her microchip, she basically told me she doesn’t want us to keep the dog anymore, that it’s not a healthy or happy environment for her because we decided to split, and that she will be taking the dog back in the next few weeks. I was flabbergasted because my breakup from my ex was amicable, we both care deeply for each other still and the dogs were always well loved by both of us. They get professionally groomed once a week, raw fed on a balanced diet with regular vet checkups. Heck, I bought them Tiffany & Co collars! I tried to call my ex but he’s at the movies with his friend right now and I’m scared. I don’t want my dog to be taken away and made into a breeding dog and I’d prefer if my partner could just keep her in the country if relocation is such a big dealbreaker. Any advice? Are breeders allowed to just take away a dog for no evident reasons?

Lost a bit of weight, around 4-5lbs, Starting from 280ish , been doing low-ish carb, Ive been amazed to read people still losing weight eating anything they want. I have to keep my insulin excursions controlled as my subcutaneous fat just loves to suck up lipids.
I tried Saxenda few years ago and it was a disaster, the sides were intolerable but Mounjaro so far has been much more amenable
Positives

• I have much less desire to start eating however once I do start eating I find im still eating almost as big portions
  
• cravings for Junk food are way down, although I still have daily craving for sweet and chocolate they have also gone down
  
• I find myself naturally gravitating to picking more healthy food options, I dont have to fight with myself in my head to not pickup unhealthy stuff
  
• dont seem to drink as much fluids, particularly at night. I had a bad habit of drinking alot of diet soda before bed then getting up 10 times a night to piss
  
• dont feel as bloated after eating
  
• sweating alot less, which has been a lifelong problem for me
  

Negatives

• Insomnia is pretty bad for 2 nights after injection ( I inject in morning ) , eases off after that but I seem to sleep lighter and for about 45 mins less than normal
  
• constant mild feeling of the fight or flight/anxiety , I also feel more emotional and have several times thought about crying for no reason even though im a 43yr old man
  
• mild constipation, it seems food takes much longer to pass through the GI tract including colon
  
• sometimes feel lethargic , noticeably different from normal
  
• weakness, feel like my physical strength has gone down a fair bit
  
• loss of morning erections and tendency towards erectile dysfunction, general libido also down a bit
  

I remember on cycle 1, I had fully convinced myself it worked. I had quite the appetite, some nausea, bigger boobs, and overall just felt. It had to be it, I'd never felt that way before! Boom, period. Ok fine, obviously let's keep trying this was just the first time. By month 6, I'm like...ok....what gives? Is something wrong? Maybe we didn't time it correctly, we should be more strict, let's continue to do every other day no matter what. Cycle 8....nothing still, deep levels of frustrations and failure, but it's ok in addition to every other day, I'll do OPKs and BBT. Got it now we've narrowed it down, we've got this! Failure, after failure, after failure. That's ok...I'll go see a doctor, see what he says. I've got a period like clockwork, am healthy, maybe we aren't doing this right. Everything looks good by the doctor! Ok great that's exciting, nothing is wrong, let's keep going! More failures. I've never had a late period, or even gone so far as to be able to test. Ok fine, let's try this Clomid/Letrazole timed IC, this will be great, they can confirm if eggs are mature and about when I'll ovulate so I can match my OPKs and BBT. Big plus, chance of multiples! Now I can really get a chance at catching up to the vision we had for our family without feeling like time was lost. Same thing, failure after failure, always on the dot.
Now on cycle 16...at this point, I don't trust my body, my brain, or myself at all. That glimmer of hope of motivation to move towards something great as died. Our hopes and dreams, gone. I've never seen a positive in my life. Is this even possible for me? Will I ever? At this point, I cannot imagine a world where this dream of ours will come true. I'm truly in shock, disbelief, denial. How could something like this happen to anyone? We've been told to protect because it's so easy to get pregnant, but it hardly feels that way at all. We're told to put your career first, then start a family. Was that why, am I being punished, or did I wait too late?
Brought to you by cramping, a temp drop, and a BFN this morning. Welcome, Aunt F***.

Ever since the witch queen expansion there has been many debates about whether the traveller actually chose the hive or not with some saying it did and others disagreeing thinking savathun did something to trick it, I've always been on the side that it did infact choose the hive and that the hive were always chosen even before humanity, my interpretation of the campaign was that the big plot twist was this fact.
I am also aware of the witch queen lore cards detailing that ghosts for the most part have a choice of who they pick and raise as their light bearers even outside of mentions of ghosts finding their "marks" and the fact that only humanity and the hive are picked by ghosts (meaning there is a choice but it's still limited).
But we know have an official confirmation thanks to some new lore provided in the final shape, a side quest called "The illusion" has us trying to find a lost ghost for Micah-10 in Savathuns throne world, cayde being on coms asks for an explanation of how and why Savathun and the hive got the light and ghosts with Micah answering "the Hive were always chosen even before humanity, the traveller always intended to have the hive by it side but the Witness intervened before it could reach the hive".
And there you have it, it's officially confirmed that the traveller did infact choose the hive and chose them way before humanity and given what we now know about the traveller and how it operates it makes even more sense now.
Also note cause I know someone will argue this there is a difference between the traveller choosing and uplifting a civilisations, the traveller has uplifted many worlds and species but has only chosen 2, humanity and the hive.
After many many heated debates on this topic I finally feel validated.

I live in an apartment building in a big city that has a dog park built into the parking garage. My dog was very sweet when she was younger but went to live with my parents for a few months when I got very sick. Ever since then she’s been a reactive barker to any person and I have to tug her harness to get her to move and she won’t stop barking until we go inside. She’s an Australian shepherd (2 years), so she is a bigger dog but she never growls or shows her teeth and has never bit. I keep her on a leash and when we aren’t in the dog park I keep it tight so she can’t go very far from me but I am worried that neighbors will be afraid or will report her for barking. I apologize to everyone we come in contact with and give a wide berth but I need advice to help stop this behavior before it gets any worse.

I was telling my therapist how things like practicing deep breathing, yoga, meditation, getting enough sleep, eating healthy, journaling and exercise have significant positive effects on my emetophobia. But it’s so hard, I told her. It’s hard to keep up. Some days I’m just exhausted. I don’t want to do yoga. I don’t want to meditate. I don’t want to take the time to prep a healthy meal instead of just throwing something in the microwave.
But on the days I manage to do some of those things, I feel much better. If I sleep good, do some yoga and journal my anxiety is much more manageable. Whereas if I stay up late, eat a poptart for breakfast and be lazy all day, I’m more likely to get lost in thought , amp my anxiety up and have a horrible day. But I tend to let these horrible days happen often because I just don’t want to do all the things.
My therapist asked me “So let me ask you this. Say you have a really long day. You’re tired. But you sweat all day and you stink. Your hair is greasy. You have makeup on. You had a big dinner. Are you going to go to bed with greasy hair, makeup, sweat and onion breath? Probably not. You’re going to wash your face, brush your teeth and take a shower. That’s because we were taught how to take care of our physical bodies. We’ve gotten into hygiene routines and most of us stay on top of hygiene because we’ve been doing it for years. You brush your teeth to prevent cavities, not to get rid of them.” And my mind just 🤯
Because she’s so incredibly right. Not only do I procrastinate mental self care but some days I wait until the anxiety is at a 10, try doing yoga and meditate and wonder why it’s not working. A lot of these things work better as a preventative rather than a quick relief. Most of us didn’t grow up learning how to calm down anxiety. So our tools for anxiety feel like major chores.
So here’s your sign if you needed one. Take care of yourself. Before the anxiety reaches its max today… go on a walk. Do some yoga. Meditate. Journal. Do whatever helps you and do it often. It’s okay to have some bad days, to put everything aside for a few days. But keep trying.

The dogs/Canidae side
There’s around 900 million dogs, but with them, all the wolves, foxes, wild dogs, raccoon dogs, dholes and others
The cats/Felidae side
There’s around around 600 million to 1 billion domestic cats, but there’s also all the big cats, along with the bobcats, wild cats, ocelot’s and others.
The battle finishes once one side is dead.
Humans can’t do anything about this.
But in such a battle who wins?
I mean I think the cats will win, but most will die

Hi all, I'm a ftm and 38+2 days pregnant. No signs of labour yet other than what I presume was bits of mucus plug four days ago (not bloody, more pale yellow but defiantly jelly like and not normal discharge for me) but nothing else. It's a been a long and anxiety ridden pregnancy, not to go into it too much but spotting throughout, which I now know is down to cervical etroption, a hematoma at the begining which was discovered after a big bleed, which then went thankfully, and numerous trips to triage for said spotting, reduced movements etc, and one emergency buzzer being pulled situation when the fetal trace lost his heartbeat which was traumatising in itself.
My question is, does anyone know or has anyone experienced what will the outcome be if I ask my midwife at my 38 week appointment (which I'll be 38+6 by then) if I can have a sweep done ? I know it may not do anything/work but I'm just feeling a bit at my wits end between worrying about movement daily, basically every minute of every day is consumed with has he moved enough and has been like this for months really 😔 and feeling like labour won't start naturally for me (I know I have nothing to back that up on, its just a feeling) would they do a sweep or basically offer anything if I asked and explained all this ? I really don't want to go past 40 weeks, I just feel too anxious about the placenta stopping working or something like that. I know a lot of it is just my own anxiety and many women do go later but it feels very debilatating now. I also wanted to try for vaginal delivery and baby was measuring 7 pounds at my 36 scan so him being really big now is playing on my mind also.
Basically if anyone has any advice or experience with any of this, please let me know and thanks for reading my novel! X

Yesterday I (M25) visited the Nous Klaer festival in Rotterdam at BRUTUS, a venue next door to BITTER. A club I’ve heard good things of but never went. I’m more familiar with the bigger events like Awakenings, Rotterdam Rave or free your mind but never had a “school”-like techno experience. This will be a review of someone who doesn’t have any experience in this scene and experiences it for the first time. A friend of mine who has been yapping on about her school time invited me to this festival and I’m forever in her debt because this festival raised the bar for me.
Location
A short walk from Marconiplein is an industrial site with different creative venues, setting the mood for a night of unfiltered artistic expression and vibrant energy. You entered through a beautiful sculpture garden with some wacky statues and get instantly drawn in into the first stage, a big open space perfect for a sundown set. The second stage was inside a warehouse with high ceilings and pillars, filled with smoke and lasers this stage was mesmerizing. If you entered a small door at the end of the cathedral and pass through a tunnel you can get to the third stage, disco inferno. Called after the exposition that was around it, a fascinating contraption that I didn’t understand but kept my mind guessing. Finally for the the people who like intimate sets there was the rave keet, a small ten by five meter cabin that shakes when everybody bounces. Big shout out to the organizers for this whole setup, it was perfect for walking circles, side questing and making you linger at places.

Music
This is the good shit, this is where this festival and the line up shines. Like I said I’m used to commercial DJs who just do transition mixes, but this was the real thing. DJs creating soundscapes with loops and basic sounds to a point where you don’t know what sounds come from the left or right deck. Highlights for me were Nelly b2b Tammo Hesselink, two different sounds that compliment each other. The trancey sounds of Nelly with the berlin sound of Tammo set the stage for the rest of the day. Hilbert played in the bowels of the festival in the disco inferno. Apparently it was the first time for the man in a long time, but you wouldn’t have noticed. The man was doing his magic live, constantly reusing different sounds in different orders making you hyped when a bass pattern came around again. During Konduku B2B Mary Lake in the concrete cathedral someone said to me, “this is total berlin vibes” and I totally believed him even though I’ve never been there. The hard beats hit the dancefloor in the cathedral like a priest delivering a sermon to the faithful. And I could only follow his lead and dance the sins away. If this is that berlin vibe that everybody keeps talking about I really need to make a pilgrims journey to the city. Finally John Talabot came to tear up the dancefloor outside and I don’t even know how to describe this, he played a mix of tribal, techno and drum and bass, I think? Never heard anything like it and I’m afraid I won’t find anything like it for a long time. This man is insane and everyone should experience this live. I’m literally speechless about this set.

Atmosphere
When you’re used to a crowd of buff muscles dudes and Instagram girl ravers it felt like a breath of fresh air to see and feel the diversity of this crowd. Cool outfits, funny personalities and everyone being open for a conversation of course but you could tell the people who went here were the people of the good life. The people who don’t just go to get fucked up but enjoy the day and most importantly the music. Even though some people were having conversations right in the middle of the dancefloor sometimes, you could always find a spot to space out and rave with people who vibe like you. I’m not a social butterfly like my friend, so I lost her at some point but that didn’t matter because I ended up dancing like manic with the other big dancers somewhere in the back. I make big movements when I dance and can easily push against people or accidently knock them, but everytime it happened people were like “Nah man you’re the good vibes, enjoy your time”. Final shoutout to the left front, lit as always no matter what stage. The vibe was great for people who just like to dance, great for people who prefer to socialize and for people who like to sidequest.
I can’t wait for the future events of nous klear, don’t know if they do more things like this at this venue but I could see myself becoming a regular at maybe the coolest festival I’ve been in my own town. Definitely going to end up in my top five festivals. For an event so small it left a huge impact on me. For people who were there too, if you saw a tall guy with long blonde hair, bandana, watermelon t shirt and probably dancing like a mental patient it was fun to experience this with you all and I can’t wait till next time.