Unblock unknown publisher
Ingo Swann, the father of Remote Viewing
2018.02.22 04:53 qwertyqyle Ingo Swann, the father of Remote Viewing
A sub dedicated to Ingo Swann's work. Remote Viewing STARGATE Psychic
2012.04.22 07:30 voxpupil Knowledge in .pdf form
Knowledge, one .pdf at a time.
2024.05.17 05:36 Equivalent-Weekend-3 Vimms' Takedowns (Nintendo)
Hello!! I haven't seen anyone here post about it recently, and figured it'd be good to mention here for anyone looking into it! ^ ^
Vimms has recently received takedown requests from Nintendo, leading to the site no longer host Nintendo content (with some exceptions)
Many mainline titles have been removed as already such as Mario, Legend of Zelda, and a couple other notable series from all Nintendo platforms, it's unknown if ALL titles for these consoles will be influenced, or just Nintendo published or branded games for them
Whether or not this has a significant impact on the site isn't really known yet, but it's been noticed already that other sites are getting a bit more traffic ever since
I'm not posting any links so it should all be good? If not feel free to delete the post and give me a warning or ban like you'd mentioned, I figured it'd be good to update people here on the status of the site since it's been extremely popular in the past
submitted by Equivalent-Weekend-3 to EmulationOnAndroid [link] [comments]
Vimms has recently received takedown requests from Nintendo, leading to the site no longer host Nintendo content (with some exceptions)
Many mainline titles have been removed as already such as Mario, Legend of Zelda, and a couple other notable series from all Nintendo platforms, it's unknown if ALL titles for these consoles will be influenced, or just Nintendo published or branded games for them
Whether or not this has a significant impact on the site isn't really known yet, but it's been noticed already that other sites are getting a bit more traffic ever since
I'm not posting any links so it should all be good? If not feel free to delete the post and give me a warning or ban like you'd mentioned, I figured it'd be good to update people here on the status of the site since it's been extremely popular in the past
2024.05.17 01:31 Common-Compote3949 The idea of chain of transmission in hadiths
 | Article: The idea of chain of transmission in hadiths submitted by Common-Compote3949 to islam [link] [comments] the recognition of fair historian non muslims : Asad Rustam - Orientalists: Margoliouth - Bernard Lewis!! (To read their confessions, you can go directly to the end of the article) In a scene some of you may have seen before: They come in a long line of people (for example, 20 or 30 individuals) with their backs to each others - then the first of them turns his back to the rest until one of the people tells him a simple story or shows him a simple movement (for example, as if he was getting up to sit on a motorcycle), Then he is asked to convey the simple story or simple movement to the one who After him - and the next to the next and so on to the last person in the line ـ And the surprise! : We notice the changes that occurred in the story or movement when it reached the last person - and here the ignorant atheists and deniers of the Sunnah shout with joy, saying: "See? This is a practical experience that you cannot deny that the idea of chain of transmission in hadiths is wrong and impossible!!" ـ The question is: This popular experience actually suits “the general public” in order to prove to them the possibility of the transmission of speech between them being wrong and inaccurate - but: Is “the science of hadith” in Islam and the Sunnah really like this?!! ـ The truth is: There are differences in every part of this example from ((the science of hadith))!! Let's count it together: ـ ـــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــ First: between the lay person and the muslim hadith narrator ـــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــ All the people in the long line: They are chosen from “the general public” in a random way, meaning: They have no relation to the science of hadith and do not worry about ((especially the conditions for accepting the chain of transmission)) - meaning: ـ We can do the same experiment to deny, for example, that (geometry) is important!! Or even (medicine)!! All you have to do is bring a group of random people and give them, for example, concrete, iron, and bricks. Then you ask them to build a building of 3 floors. Then, when the building is completed, you say: See, there is no point in studying engineering!!! ـ Or you give some ordinary and random people surgical, cutting and cutting tools, then you let them work on 10 patients under anesthesia to treat them, for example: Then when the patients die, you say with all pride: You see: there is no benefit in studying medicine!! ـ Now: What exactly happens in Hadith science? The answer: Each of the narrators (represented by a person in the line) will not stand in the line (i.e., his narration will not be accepted) unless his conduct is confirmed as: ـ 1- The name and circumstance are known (and ignorance of which makes the hadith weak or fabricated) 2 - Strong memorization at the time of hearing and at the time of reporting, with synonymous variations with the same meaning (because the hadith is not worshiped by its recitation like the Qur’an, so it is permissible to narrate it in the meaning) 3- His justice (i.e. he is not known to lie, betray, bear false witness, etc.) 4- Evidence that he was contemporaneous with at least one who heard from him, or they were both brought together in one city, or he declared that he had heard from those before him with the wording, he told us, or he narrated to us, or we heard. To the rest of these conditions for ruling on (the authenticity of the narrator’s acceptance of the chain of transmission) ـ The more difficult the conditions are, the more authentic the book of hadiths is than others (hence the preference for Sahih al-Bukhari, as we will talk about in an upcoming article, God willing, to demolish the lies about it as well). ـ All of this is known by the scholars of hadith (or scholars of the term hadith) from what they collected about the details of the lives of every companion, follower, follower of the follower, and narrators (which is what is called the translation of a person): such as the year of their birth and death - and at the hands of those who heard the knowledge and hadith - and from their students who heard from them after that. - Where did they travel - and when did they travel - and what were their morals and justice? - Or what was the injury to their morals and justice? - Did their memorization change as they grew older, for example, or not - and when exactly did this change in their memorization occur - and so on ـ This is what is called in Hadith science (Books of Biographies) or (Books of Jarh and Ta’deel) or (Ilm al-Rijal). The question again: Do we now see any relationship between that accuracy of science of hadith and the popular experience in which there is a row of random, unknown people who were not selected according to any criterion: neither in memorization, nor understanding, nor accuracy, nor knowledge, nor honesty?! ـ This means that if we wanted to apply (some) of the rules of hadith science to the experiment, before we chose the people in the class, we would first test: the strength of their memorization - and the accuracy of their verbal or motor performance!! Then we choose those who pass the test!! ـ ــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــ Second: The number of people and narrators!! ـــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــ In the popular experience, 20 or 30 and perhaps more people were included - while in the science of hadith, oral transmission ends as soon as it is written down - as long as it is written down, then it has been preserved in a book and the transmission process has ended. ـ This only follows the oral narrations - as it is known that there were companions who (wrote) hadiths in the life of the Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace - such as our master Abdullah bin Amr bin Al-Aas - and we are also not talking about (the Qur’an) which Muslims recite as it is in their prayers five times a day. (In addition to standing, worshiping, Tarawih, etc.)!! Moreover, the Qur’an is written and preserved!! ـ Therefore, even the number of many people in the dozens in a row in the popular experience is not suitable for comparison in the science of hadith!! The longest chain of transmission for a hadith is only one hadith in Sahih al-Bukhari, consisting of 9 narrators (which is a hadith of woe to the Arabs)!! Most of the hadiths are less than that ـ It is enough for us to know that the first (collection) of written hadiths from the Companions and followers who were contemporary with the Companions was in the year 100 AH - at the instruction of the Commander of the Faithful, Omar bin Abdul Aziz, the fifth of the Rightly Guided Caliphs - and this hundred years is the death of the last companion of the Companions, who was (Amer bin Wathilah Al-Laithi - Abu Tufail). )!! ـ This means that if one of the scholars of that period narrated a hadith on the authority of Wathilah al-Laythi, on the authority of a companion older than him, on the authority of the Prophet: there would be no one between them!! It means a chain of transmission from one person, then the Prophet!! Thus, we see many chains of narration between its recording in the books of hadith and the Prophet having only two or three narrations (therefore, it is one of the most authentic and highest chains of narrations) - such as: - Al-Zuhri’s narration on the authority of Salem, on the authority of Ibn Omar, may God be pleased with him, on the authority of the Prophet!! And like the narration of Malik on the authority of Nafi’ on the authority of Ibn Omar, may God be pleased with him!! Imam Malik’s Muwatta was compiled in 158 AH!! This means that there is only 2 between him and the Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace!! - Is there a comparison between that and a row of 20 or 30?!! By the way, most of Imam Malik’s Muwatta is found in the Musnad of Imam Ahmad and in the Sahih of Imam al-Bukhari, as we will see in an upcoming article. These are just some of the thousands of chains of narrations from the Followers and Companions on the authority of the Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace!! Glory be to God Almighty - ـــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــ Third: The power of preserving the early Arabs ـــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــ It is what the Arab nation was famous for even before Islam - one of them used to memorize hundreds and thousands of verses of poetry!! They used to hold competitions in their most famous markets (such as Souq Okaz) - and the hospitality was as great as the seven well-known commentators. - This leads us to a question: How do those with poor memory today measure such abilities in themselves?! Is there any similarity between them and those Arabs with the ability to memorize most of them?!! Indeed, by God, most of us today hardly remember a phone number except our own phone!! If it increases, it may be one or two numbers with difficulty!! This is due to the feature of saving numbers in our mobile phones - but before the spread of these mobile phones: most of us used to save at least 20 landline numbers, for example, for our phone and the phones of our family, friends, and work!! ـ The need to memorize is what stimulates and activates the memorization parts of the brain - and the Arab and Bedouin in ancient times used to walk in deserts extending for hundreds of kilometers, and he must memorize the routes of walking in them with every precision and every detail, no matter how small, otherwise the sand will swallow him - or he will get lost and die of thirst or burn under the flames of the sun. !! ـ ـــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــ Fourth: The importance of the topic ـــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــ Of course, there is a difference between 20 or 30 random people who may not have a specific lofty goal or sacred duty, such as reporting on the Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace, in common - unlike the science of hadith, which creates a religious and doctrinal motivation within each narrator to increase concentration, memorization, and attention to the highest levels - and out of hope for the Prophet’s promise. Peace be upon him : - ((May God bless a person who hears a hadith from us and memorizes it until someone else conveys it. Perhaps he carries jurisprudence to someone who is more knowledgeable than him, and perhaps he carries jurisprudence and is not a jurist.)) Narrated by Al-Tirmidhi and others with an authentic chain of transmission. - Likewise, fear of the threat of the Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace: ((Lying about me is not the same as lying about anyone else. Whoever lies about me intentionally, let him take his seat in Hell)) Narrated by Al-Bukhari and others with an authentic chain of transmission. - Therefore, we are not surprised that, to this day - in addition to the annual Qur’an memorization competitions (and this alone is a miracle that we did not talk about): there are competitions for memorizing the entire six or nine books of hadith!! It means support and text!! And from whom? From children under the age of eleven and fifteen!! - (The six hadith books: Sahih Al-Bukhari - Sahih Muslim - Sunan Al-Tirmidhi - Sunan Al-Nasa’i - Sunan Ibn Majah - Sunan Abi Dawud) and the nine additional books (Muwatta’ of Imam Malik - Musnad of Imam Ahmad - Sunan Al-Darimi) - Glory be to Him, the Guide, Glory be to Him, who facilitates the memorization of religious texts - ــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــ Fifth: What did the fair non muslim people say about the science of hadith?! ــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــ And here we mean non-Muslims (especially Christians) - who (and some of you may be shocked by this information): They do not have the original text of the Gospels as spoken by Jesus, peace be upon him!! Since the oldest 4 Gospels were approved by the Council of Nicaea in 235 AD and the rest were burned: they were written in Greek!! While Jesus, peace be upon him, spoke Hebrew or Aramaic!! ــ This is a big point and question mark in the face of the “Formation of Atheists” Foundation, led by Ibrahim Issa, for its attempt to cast doubt on the Sunnah and Islamic history!! Where, as is the custom of atheists and their selectivity: he tries to butt the mountain of steadfast and solid hadith in which every word has an authentic or weak chain of narration!! He leaves out the Christian Gospels, which do not even qualify as “the story of the life of Christ,” peace be upon him!! There are no chains of narration in it at all (neither authentic nor weak) ـ The meaning, in more detail, is that the 4 official Christian Gospels are of unknown lineage and the status of the writers (Matthew, Luke, John, and Mark). Therefore, they do not even qualify to be compared to the books of the Sunnah, Hadith, and Biography (although our Biography books are much weaker than the Hadith books), but at least they have chains of narration. We judge from it whether it is strong or weak - and it is mentioned in it who is narrating from whom!!) ـ Thus, we confirm the orientation of an atheistic institution such as (Takween) and that it was not supported externally or internally except to fight Islam only!! Therefore, there is no surprise if among its members is the priest Rifaat Fikri... whose job is to try to polish Christianity after the atheists who are with him question Islam!! - Christian historian: Asad Rustam He is the first one we will mention quickly: he is a Lebanese Christian doctor and historian - who worked as a professor of Arab history at the American University of Beirut - and who holds a doctorate in history from the University of Chicago - he says: - ((Hadith: knowledge and narration History: knowledge and narration: So we have a term for history, just as hadith scholars have a term for hadith!! This is from the introduction to his book ((The Concept of History)) - The historian doctor called in his book and his long scientific career that it is time for the science of history to be disciplined in its narration - and for precise and decisive rules to be established for accepting transmission, just as the Muslims did in the science of hadith, which he described as: ((A modern scientific method: to correct news and narrations))!! - Then comes an ignorant person like Ibrahim Issa, who makes a mistake in every two words he says about the Sunnah, biography, or history - and as he did in his first video at the Takween Foundation (watch Dr. Haitham Talaat’s video: Enlightenment by forgery Ibrahim Issa and questioning the Prophet’s biography). We will put his link in the comments. ـ Indeed, Asad Rustam says more clearly: ((Among what Farid mentions with admiration and appreciation is what hadith scholars have reached hundreds of years ago in this regard, and here is some of what was stated in their works, which we present verbatim and to the letter, in acknowledgment of their scientific scrutiny, and in recognition of their credit to history))!! - Glory be to God Almighty The thing that atheists and deniers of the Sunnah do not stop at because of their extreme ignorance is that “the science of hadith” in Islam is a unique science that has not existed in any nation before!! Indeed, all the famous historians in the world were just telling stories: we do not even know enough information about the historians themselves (truthful - lying - learned - ignorant) - and perhaps Herodotus is the best example of this and the funny wonders that his writings contain (such as what he reported about the reason for the color of Negroes by The Abyssinian sperm is black!! ـ Rather: All the narrations of history are whose authors or recorders are unknown, whether in what we find in manuscripts or on walls and temples!! Did they believe it? Did they lie? Did they exaggerate? Who are they even?! no one knows !! ـ As for Islam: it is never like this, thanks to God This is because when God Almighty promised to memorize the Qur’an: it was logical for him to inspire Muslims to memorize the clear Sunnah of the Qur’an, as we said before!! Prayer is mentioned in the Qur’an and the Prophet explained and performed it. How will it reach Muslims over hundreds of years if it is not made easy for Muslims to memorize the Sunnah orally and in writing?!ــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــ Orientalist Margoliouth ــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــ This man, David Samuel Margoliouth, did not leave anything in Islam without trying to cast doubt on it, even literature and history. However, despite his lying to distort the Sunnah sometimes, his scholarly standing refused to admit the truth reluctantly, so as not to lose the trust of his students and followers in him!! - He says :But though the theory of the Isnad has occasioned endless trouble, owing to the inquiries which have to be made into the trustworthiness of each transmitter, and the fabrication of traditions was a familiar and at times easily tolerated practice, its value in making for accuracy cannot be questioned, and the Muslims are justified in taking pride in their science of tradition. source: David Samuel Margoliouth - Lectures on Arabic Historians - 1929 - p.20 ـ ــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــ orientalist Bernard Lewis ـــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــ He is a British-American honorary professor of Middle Eastern studies - and a famous thinker, writer, and orientalist (who came up with the idea of dividing the new Middle East) - he says: ((Early on: Islamic scholars realized the danger of false testimonies and corrupt doctrines, so they developed a science for criticizing hadiths and heritage, which is (the science of hadith) as it was called.. - It differs for many considerations from the science of modern historical criticism!! While modern studies have proven a constant difference in evaluating the authenticity and accuracy of ancient narratives (i.e. in non-Islamic narratives): we find that a careful examination of it (i.e. the science of hadith) with its attention to the chains of transmission and chain of transmission and its careful collection and preservation of variables in the transmitted narrative gives medieval Arab history professionalism and development. Never before in ancient times!! Without even finding anything like it in the West in the Middle Ages at that time!! ـ When comparing it (i.e. the science of hadith among Muslims) with Latin Christian history: the latter appears poor and weak!! Even the most advanced and complex methods of history in the Greek Christian world are still less than the historical works of Islam in terms of total diversity, volume and depth of analysis!! ـ Original text : From an early date Muslim scholars recognized the danger of false testimony and hence false doctrine, and developed an elaborate science for criticizing tradition. " Traditional science", as it was called, differed in many respects from modern historical source criticism, and modern scholarship has always disagreed with evaluations of traditional scientists about the authenticity and accuracy of ancient narratives. But their careful scrutiny of the chains of transmission and their meticulous collection and preservation of variants in the transmitted narratives give to medieval Arabic historiography a professionalism and sophistication without precedent in antiquity and without parallel in the contemporary medieval West. By comparison, the historiography of Latin Christendom seems poor and meagre, and even the more advanced and complex historiography of Greek Christendom still falls short of the historical literature of Islam in volume, variety and analytical depth. ـ source: Bernard Lewis, Islam In History, 1993, Open Court Publishing, pp.104-105 ـ ــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــ We will suffice with this amount so as not to prolong it Especially after Bernard Lewis's last statement and his comparison of the knowledge of hadith and its accuracy in Islam: with the poor Latin Christian history!! Will the atheist (free thinkers) inspire us in (Genesis): By directing some of their outstanding geniuses to criticize the weariness of the Gospels and Christian books?! Or is the guidance and support, as we said, intended to fight Islam only?! By al behthoon al moslimoon https://www.facebook.com/share/p/5ouyZegF3dktRoTv/?mibextid=qi2Omg |
2024.05.16 23:08 Superbly_Humble Group game design (UPDATE 1) & sub news
Hey friends!
Looks like the Deck Building Card Battle (20 Card Decks) won yesterday. Thank you for participating in the vote.
Because this is the first group game, it will be very casual, as this will all be done on Reddit. I'll enable our chat to help out, but I'll need your help to keep people from abusing it. For the future, I want to have a discord server where we can interact better, but that's a slow process for me (anyone with experience and a desire to help please DM me).
I'll start out by really introducing myself; I'm Magnus, a game designer in Vancouver, Canada. My company, BRB Games, has been a subsidiary of a large game company, and my employees and I primarily designed games for ages 3-12. I have worked on a few other projects as a consultant, mainly doing logic, core design, testing, etc. In November we found out cutbacks were incoming. Due to a tight contract, I've had a second job the last few years as a lead robotics designer (among other hats) to cover my costs, plus top-up my own employees at BRB. I was often doing 16 hour days, juggling way too much, ontop of a 3 hour commute if I even went home. We all talked and closure was the best choice. Most of my employees were picked up right away, or transitioned into the parent company, and in April, my last person got a fantastic job remotely for an Australian company as a junior designer. I gave my notice with my employer and that brings me to here and now. I have time to actually go to conventions again, I'll be teaching 4 classes a month in person, I'm interning a highschool student in game design from California currently, doing weekly volunteer math tutoring, and I feel I can finally help everyone in boardgamedesign. I want to build this community back up, the best it's ever been. When it closed due to the Reddit protest, we lost 80,000 subs. I became the mod after 2 attempts (and a long talk with Reddit admins). Honestly, this calling in life fulfills me, and if I can pass on anything to you, or help get your game noticed and sold, I'm more than happy to. Long intro short, I'm here to help, so feel free to ask me anything and if I don't know the answer (happens a lot), we can find out!
Also, thanks to our mods u/bgg-uglywalrus and u/MudkipzLover. Without them, we couldn't do this. Their experience, determination and willingness for anything boardgames is inspirational and a foundation of what we are. Thank you, muchly.
So to get started on the game, I want to focus on the first aspects of proper design:
1 - Main Objective (DEVELOPMENT STAGE)
Deck 2 (u/Superbly_Humble) * Attacks and abilities don't use resources, but conditional on meeting a card setup condition (High risk / reward) *
6 - Game Mechanisms
• Setup - (layout as we define structure)
13 - Rulebook Design and Creation
Decide on platform (Digital or Physical, or Both)
Digital
Alright, this is my basic design format for board game development, with an updated minimal and modern approach. I'm going to treat it as a loose project management, with a 2 week turn around on the development stage.
Please feel free to add a comment with the section you'd like to add to quoted. We can respond to those threads for more detail, but EACH persons comments will be a different design element. Your name will be added to that section and that's your contribution! More than 1 person can be credited for the section, and more than 1 section can be credited to a person, because we are all collaborating!
When it comes to the deck creations, keep the art and theme to yourself for now, but list what you want in a deck mechanic. We will come to themes when it is time.
Again, this document will be updated constantly until we lock it and create the next stage.
If we determine that this project comes to a marketable standing (which is not intended, but never say no to glory), contributors will have a few options. Either DM me your real info for credit or your username will be used. I know privacy is a premium on the internet, but I can only credit those that want it. If that means creating a new account to protect your privacy, you'll have to DM the mod team so we can approve you due to the low karma automod ruleset.
Lastly, anything you contribute to this project is considered the IP of the project as a whole. Credit where credit is due (having your name on a project is a HUGE start for your resume), but please only contribute if you understand that there is no financial incentive, nor compensation of any kind outside of credit. I can't afford to feed you all :)
submitted by Superbly_Humble to BoardgameDesign [link] [comments]
Looks like the Deck Building Card Battle (20 Card Decks) won yesterday. Thank you for participating in the vote.
Because this is the first group game, it will be very casual, as this will all be done on Reddit. I'll enable our chat to help out, but I'll need your help to keep people from abusing it. For the future, I want to have a discord server where we can interact better, but that's a slow process for me (anyone with experience and a desire to help please DM me).
I'll start out by really introducing myself; I'm Magnus, a game designer in Vancouver, Canada. My company, BRB Games, has been a subsidiary of a large game company, and my employees and I primarily designed games for ages 3-12. I have worked on a few other projects as a consultant, mainly doing logic, core design, testing, etc. In November we found out cutbacks were incoming. Due to a tight contract, I've had a second job the last few years as a lead robotics designer (among other hats) to cover my costs, plus top-up my own employees at BRB. I was often doing 16 hour days, juggling way too much, ontop of a 3 hour commute if I even went home. We all talked and closure was the best choice. Most of my employees were picked up right away, or transitioned into the parent company, and in April, my last person got a fantastic job remotely for an Australian company as a junior designer. I gave my notice with my employer and that brings me to here and now. I have time to actually go to conventions again, I'll be teaching 4 classes a month in person, I'm interning a highschool student in game design from California currently, doing weekly volunteer math tutoring, and I feel I can finally help everyone in boardgamedesign. I want to build this community back up, the best it's ever been. When it closed due to the Reddit protest, we lost 80,000 subs. I became the mod after 2 attempts (and a long talk with Reddit admins). Honestly, this calling in life fulfills me, and if I can pass on anything to you, or help get your game noticed and sold, I'm more than happy to. Long intro short, I'm here to help, so feel free to ask me anything and if I don't know the answer (happens a lot), we can find out!
Also, thanks to our mods u/bgg-uglywalrus and u/MudkipzLover. Without them, we couldn't do this. Their experience, determination and willingness for anything boardgames is inspirational and a foundation of what we are. Thank you, muchly.
So to get started on the game, I want to focus on the first aspects of proper design:
This document will be updated constantly until we lock it and create the next stage.-------------------------------------------------
Card Game: Prebuilt Deck Builder
(Boardgamedesign Edition)1 - Main Objective (DEVELOPMENT STAGE)
- Design an engaging card game battle experience with deck building mechanics.
- Defeat opponents deck by reducing Health to zero
- Creating a lock out condition (Deck stall)
- Character cards
- Artifact cards (?)
- Condition cards (?)
- (Group Defined)
- Universal Status Cards (shared third deck with joint positive/negative effects)
- Cards are played from hand as defined per card
- Cards are activated using resources (?)
- Cards are activated with combining each cards defined resource value(?)
- (Group Defined Input)
- 20 Cards per deck hard limit
- Players construct a deck using individual preset decks of 20 cards.
- Players share a pool of universal condition cards (?)
- Players are able to discard cards (deal damage?) (u/Zoql)
- (Group Defined)
Deck 2 (u/Superbly_Humble) * Attacks and abilities don't use resources, but conditional on meeting a card setup condition (High risk / reward) *
6 - Game Mechanisms
• Setup - (layout as we define structure)
- Shuffle
- Determine turn order
- Draw (5) cards to hand (?)
- First turn rules (no attacks, activations?)
- Draw
- Playing
- Activating
- Resolving
- Player Universal Actions
- Resolving Turn
- Activation
- Checks
- Blocks
- Damage Dealt
- Conditions (Weakness, Lasting effects?)
- Interactions
- Resolution
- Reducing players health to zero
- Defeating all defensive cards (?)
- Creating a zero sum condition (unique mechanic or the 'gimmick')
- Spreadsheet stats analysis (as we go)
- FIRST INTERNAL PLAYTESTING (yay!)
- Recording data sets of all conditions
- Extensive strategy testing
- Group input about what worked, and didn't
- Refine Ruleset
- Card conditions and activation tweaks
- Gameplay change and redesign as needed
You can ALWAYS change your game at any time, this is a checks and balance dedicated to it11 - Closed Public Playtesting (BETA STAGE)
Closed as the artwork isn't finished yet, and play conditions are directly controlled
- Create play sheets for players
- Conditions to try Feedback for a variety of mechanics
- Seek out closed groups (either local, or online)
- Compile data and rework as needed
It's time to dedicate our resources to visual appeal and player immersionArtwork
- Overall game theme
- Deck theme
- Character theme
- Dice, Spinner, token theme (components)
- Game backstory ("Once a year, players...")
- Individual deck story
- Unique wording and phrases
- Compelling intrigue dialogue
- Art testing
- Compile feedback forms
- Test for colour visions, dyslexia and other impairments
13 - Rulebook Design and Creation
To be succinct, the rules will be compiled already, this is the design aspect
- List all game rules and mechanisms
- Startup guide (can be a seperate insert)
- Quick references (if complicated)
- Determine phrasing based on thematics
- Artwork and formatting
- Page count Structure and finesse
Decide on platform (Digital or Physical, or Both)
Digital
- Select release program Design phase (Inhouse or hire)
- Testing inhouse
- Testing public
- Feedback Review and reworks
- Determine desired materials (Request sample)
- Playtest with physical prototypes (We know certain materials hold up and reuse them to save time, so we only need to heavily test if we are using an unknown vendor, new product or process, or new paints).
- Determine content arrangement
- Choose box size
- Design insert
- Box art creation
- Decide on manufacturer
- Get specifications about batch sizes, weight, and distribution to warehouse / choice location
- Calculate shipping and vendor distribution
- You'll have the data to do this now.
We are able to send out prototypes before this step
- Select choice game stores, boardgame bars, playtesting groups, reviewers, streamers / YouTubers, notable designers, game design companies, publishers, and convention directors (You'll want to have a diaglue about review in exchange for a free game, credits or money. Return shipping if needed. Also a timeframe!).
Honestly this should be happening very early. The more people know about your game from an early stage, the more they feel connected. Ask for controlled opinions, and respond to everyone within reasonable limits. Every person and is a potential customer now and in the future, and you are building loyalty to YOU, not the game.
- Forums, Reddit, Online videos, Interviewers, Blogs, Website, Conventions, In person, everywhere!
- Business cards are affordable, grab them
- (More?)
- We'll cover this more
Alright, this is my basic design format for board game development, with an updated minimal and modern approach. I'm going to treat it as a loose project management, with a 2 week turn around on the development stage.
Please feel free to add a comment with the section you'd like to add to quoted. We can respond to those threads for more detail, but EACH persons comments will be a different design element. Your name will be added to that section and that's your contribution! More than 1 person can be credited for the section, and more than 1 section can be credited to a person, because we are all collaborating!
When it comes to the deck creations, keep the art and theme to yourself for now, but list what you want in a deck mechanic. We will come to themes when it is time.
Again, this document will be updated constantly until we lock it and create the next stage.
If we determine that this project comes to a marketable standing (which is not intended, but never say no to glory), contributors will have a few options. Either DM me your real info for credit or your username will be used. I know privacy is a premium on the internet, but I can only credit those that want it. If that means creating a new account to protect your privacy, you'll have to DM the mod team so we can approve you due to the low karma automod ruleset.
Lastly, anything you contribute to this project is considered the IP of the project as a whole. Credit where credit is due (having your name on a project is a HUGE start for your resume), but please only contribute if you understand that there is no financial incentive, nor compensation of any kind outside of credit. I can't afford to feed you all :)
2024.05.16 21:04 ImA_Stock_Wrangler Olive Resource Capital Announces April 30, 2024 NAV of C$0.063 per Share
 | Toronto, Ontario – May 14, 2024 – Olive Resource Capital Inc. (TSXV: OC) (“Olive” or the “Company”) is pleased to provide investors an updated, unaudited Net Asset Value (“NAV”) per share. Management has estimated the NAV of the Company at C$0.063 per share for April 30, 2024 (Table 1). At the end of March, the Company’s price per share was C$0.025. submitted by ImA_Stock_Wrangler to todaysstocks [link] [comments] Table 1: Olive NAV Breakdown https://preview.redd.it/x3cof4rt6u0d1.png?width=1228&format=png&auto=webp&s=7cd1d228d6e9da4ea0646ac268edcbc74b6634f4
Derek Macpherson, Executive Chairman stated: “Despite both our liquid and fundamental portfolio’s being up month-over-month, Olive’s NAV per share was down just under 2% because of Nevada Zinc. With this legacy equity position now marked to zero, this closes the book on Olive’s legacy investments, and Olive’s management can focus on its diversified portfolio of quality investments.” Investment in Nevada Zinc The Company has elected to reduce the carrying value of its equity investment in Nevada Zinc to zero because Nevada Zinc has received a Cease Trade Order for failing to file its year-end 2023 audited financials. The Nevada Zinc stock has been halted, and there appears to be no clear path to rectify the situation. Olive has made multiple offers to inject new capital into Nevada Zinc over the last year, none of which were accepted. Normal Course Issuer Bid (“NCIB”) During the month of April, the Company repurchased 500,000 shares at an average price of $0.025 per share, pursuant to its NCIB. As of the date of this release, the Company holds 1,000,000 shares in treasury pending cancellation. As of the date of this release Olive Resource Capital Inc. has 109,174,709 common shares outstanding. Use of Non-GAAP Financial Measures: This press release contains references to NAV or “net asset value per share” which is a non-GAAP financial measure. NAV is calculated as the value of total assets less the value of total liabilities divided by the total number of common shares outstanding as at a specific date. The term NAV does not have any standardized meaning according to GAAP and therefore may not be comparable to similar measures presented by other companies. There is no comparable GAAP financial measure presented in the Company’s consolidated financial statements and thus no applicable quantitative reconciliation for such non-GAAP financial measure. The Company believes that the measure provides information useful to its shareholders in understanding the Company’s performance, and may assist in the evaluation of the Company’s business relative to that of its peers. This data is furnished to provide additional information and does not have any standardized meaning prescribed by GAAP. Accordingly, it should not be considered in isolation or as a substitute for measures of performance prepared in accordance with GAAP, and is not necessarily indicative of other metrics presented in accordance with GAAP. Existing NAV of the Company is not necessarily predictive of the Company’s future performance or the NAV of the Company as at any future date. About Olive Resource Capital Inc.: Olive is a resource-focused merchant bank and investment company with a portfolio of publicly listed and private securities. The Company’s assets consist primarily of investments in natural resource companies in all stages of development. For further information, please contact: Derek Macpherson, Executive Chairman at [derek@olive-resource.com](mailto:derek@olive-resource.com) or by phone at (416)294-6713 or Samuel Pelaez, President, CEO & CIO at [sam@olive-resource.com](mailto:sam@olive-resource.com) or by phone at (202)677-8513. Olive’s website is located at www.olive-resource.com. Neither the TSX Venture Exchange Inc. nor its Regulation Services Provider (as that term is defined in the policies of the TSX Venture Exchange Inc.) accepts responsibility for the adequacy or accuracy of this release. The TSX Venture Exchange Inc. has in no way approved nor disapproved the information contained herein. Cautionary Note Regarding Forward-Looking Statements: This press release contains “forward-looking information” within the meaning of applicable Canadian securities laws. Any statements that express or involve discussions with respect to predictions, expectations, beliefs, plans, projections, objectives, assumptions or future events or performance (often, but not always, identified by words or phrases such as “believes”, “anticipates”, “expects”, “is expected”, “scheduled”, “estimates”, “pending”, “intends”, “plans”, “forecasts”, “targets”, or “hopes”, or variations of such words and phrases or statements that certain actions, events or results “may”, “could”, “would”, “will”, “should”, “might”, “will be taken”, or “occur” and similar expressions) are not statements of historical fact and may be forward-looking statements. This news release includes forward-looking statements that are subject to risks and uncertainties. Forward-Looking statements involve known and unknown risks, uncertainties, and other factors that could cause the actual results of Olive to be materially different from the historical results or from any future results expressed or implied by such forward-looking statements. All statements contained in this news release, other than statements of historical fact, are to be considered forward-looking. Although Olive believes the expectations expressed in such forward-looking statements are based on reasonable assumptions, such statements are not guarantees of future performance and actual results or developments may differ materially from those in the forward-looking statements. Factors that could cause actual results to differ materially from such forward-looking information include, but are not limited to: past success or achievement does not guarantee future success; negative investment performance; downward market fluctuations; downward fluctuations in commodity prices and changes in the prices of commodities in general; uncertainties relating to the availability and costs of financing needed in the future; interest rate and exchange rate fluctuations; changes in economic and political conditions that could negatively affect certain commodity prices; an inability to predict and counteract the effects of COVID-19 on the business of the Company, including but not limited to the effects of COVID-19 on the price of commodities, capital market conditions, restriction on labour and international travel and supply chains; and those risks set out in the Company’s public documents filed on SEDAR. Accordingly, readers should not place undue reliance on forward-looking information. Olive does not undertake to update any forward-looking information except in accordance with applicable securities laws. This commentary is provided for general informational purposes only and does not constitute financial, investment, tax, legal or accounting advice nor does it constitute an offer or solicitation to buy or sell any securities referred to. The information provided in this recording has been obtained from sources believed to be reliable and is believed to be accurate at the time of publishing but we do not represent that it is accurate or complete and it should not be relied upon as such. |
2024.05.16 20:43 Joshh170 Rockstar Co-Founder Developing AAA Open World Game
 | A recent job listing from Rockstar Games co-founder Dan Houser's new studio, Absurd Ventures, seemingly confirms development is underway on a AAA open-world game. Houser began Absurd Ventures back in 2023, with many speculating over what his first independent game would look like after leaving Rockstar Games. As it turns out, it may not be very different compared to his past work. submitted by Joshh170 to GameGeeks [link] [comments] In 2020, Dan Houser parted ways with Rockstar Games, the studio he co-founded and where he played a pivotal role in creating iconic open-world titles like Grand Theft Auto and Red Dead Redemption. While many worried about how Houser's departure could impact GTA 6 and future Rockstar titles, it marked the beginning of a new chapter for the renowned creator. He established Absurd Ventures alongside several other former Rockstar veterans, including popular figures like Lazlow Jones, Michael Unsworth, and Adam Tedman, bringing with them a wealth of experience in open-world game design. It appears those talents will come in handy, as a Lead Gameplay Designer job listing on Absurd Ventures' website reveals that the studio is developing an open-world action-adventure title. It's also understood that this will be a AAA project, as per an older LinkedIn post from Michael Unsworth, Absurd Ventures' Head of Story and Creative Management. The qualifications for the role hint at melee and shooting mechanics being a part of the game, as well as "non-combat forms of action gameplay," which are specified as driving, climbing, mounts, platforming, etc. These requirements could allude to a modern setting for Absurd Ventures' game. Absurd Ventures' AAA Game Could Feature Multiplayer Mentions of multiplayer combat design and "multiple game modes" can also be found in the listing, seemingly implying that the studio may be considering an online component for its debut game. Interestingly, Absurd Ventures released its first two projects, a graphic novel titled American Caper and a 12-part audio drama series called A Better Paradise, as part of a crossmedia storytelling approach. However, the job listing makes no mention of any connection to those projects, which is odd considering they were meant to introduce two separate universes which the studio's future projects would explore. Houser has worked on some of the best games in the industry, and while his latest venture may not be a complete breakaway from the types of games he's known for, it shows that he and the team are sticking to their strengths. It's currently unknown whether the project is being funded by a publisher, but with the talent and experience on offer, Absurd Ventures would most likely not have any issues procuring funding, if required. As unbelievable as it may sound, GTA 6 could have some stiff competition in the future. |
2024.05.16 18:52 ruZZian_braindead_Z Ukranian drone hits russian soldier. Published on 16/5/24. Location unknown.
 | submitted by ruZZian_braindead_Z to ukrainerussiareportII [link] [comments] |
2024.05.16 14:57 esdfa20 'In time of war YOU are liable to punishment by DEATH or imprisonment for not more than 30 years' (American government issued poster by unknown artist/ publisher (Federal Bureau of Investigation?). United States of America, ca. 1942).
 | submitted by esdfa20 to PropagandaPosters [link] [comments] |
2024.05.16 12:51 ElongatedMuskrat Starship Development Thread #56
SpaceX Starship page
Starship Dev 55 Starship Dev 54 Starship Dev 53 Starship Thread List
Official Starship Update SpaceX Update Thread
Temporary Road Delay
Up to date as of 2024-05-17
Follow Ring Watchers on Twitter and Discord for more.
Future Ship+Booster pairings: IFT-4 - B11+S29; IFT-5 - B12+S30; IFT-6 - B13+S31; IFT-7 - B14+S32
Something wrong? Update this thread via wiki page. For edit permission, message the mods or contact u/strawwalker.
submitted by ElongatedMuskrat to spacex [link] [comments]
FAQ
- IFT-4 as of May 11th, NET end of May or some time in June 2024 according to Elon Musk which ties in with Kathy Leuders saying on May 14th that they could have the FAA licence the last week in May or June. Expected to use Booster 11 and Ship 29. A licence modification is needed because they are planning to do "some different things."
- IFT-3 launch consisted of Booster 10 and Ship 28 as initially mentioned on NSF Roundup. SpaceX successfully achieved the launch on the specified date of March 14th 2024, as announced at this link with a post-flight summary. The IFT-2 mishap investigation was concluded on February 26th. Launch License was issued by the FAA on March 13th 2024 - this is a direct link to a PDF document on the FAA's website. Propellant transfer was successful.
- When was the previous Integrated Flight Test (IFT-2)? Booster 9 + Ship 25 launched Saturday, November 18 after slight delay.
- What was the result of IFT-2 Successful lift off with minimal pad damage. Successful booster operation with all engines to successful hot stage separation. Booster destroyed after attempted boost-back. Ship fired all engines to near orbital speed then lost. No re-entry attempt.
- Did IFT-2 fail? No. As part of an iterative test program, many milestones were achieved. Perfection is not expected at this stage.
- Goals for 2024 Reach orbit, deploy starlinks and recover both stages
- Currently approved maximum launches 10 between 07.03.2024 and 06.03.2025: A maximum of five overpressure events from Starship intact impact and up to a total of five reentry debris or soft water landings in the Indian Ocean within a year of NMFS provided concurrence published on March 7, 2024
/SpaceX Official IFT-3 Discussion Thread
Quick Links
RAPTOR ROOST LAB CAM SAPPHIRE CAM SENTINEL CAM ROVER CAM ROVER 2.0 CAM PLEX CAM NSF STARBASEStarship Dev 55 Starship Dev 54 Starship Dev 53 Starship Thread List
Official Starship Update SpaceX Update Thread
Status
Road Closures
Road & Beach Closure| Type | Start (UTC) | End (UTC) | Status |
|---|---|---|---|
| Primary | 2024-05-17 13:00:00 | 2024-05-18 01:00:00 | Possible |
| Type | Start (UTC) | End (UTC) |
|---|---|---|
| Primary | 2024-05-18 03:00:00 | 2024-05-18 07:00:00 |
| Primary | 2024-05-20 03:00:00 | 2024-05-20 07:00:00 |
| Primary | 2024-05-21 03:00:00 | 2024-05-21 07:00:00 |
Vehicle Status
As of May 16th, 2024.Follow Ring Watchers on Twitter and Discord for more.
Future Ship+Booster pairings: IFT-4 - B11+S29; IFT-5 - B12+S30; IFT-6 - B13+S31; IFT-7 - B14+S32
| Ship | Location | Status | Comment |
|---|---|---|---|
| S24, S25, S28 | Bottom of sea | Destroyed | S24: IFT-1 (Summary, Video). S25: IFT-2 (Summary, Video). S28: IFT-3 (Summary, Video). |
| S26 | Massey's | Testing | Static fire Oct. 20. No flaps or heat shield, plus other changes. 3 cryo tests, 1 spin prime, 1 static fire. October 27th: Moved to Rocket Garden where it was modified for unknown reasons. May 5th (2024): Moved from Rocket Garden to MB2, current fate unknown. May 8th: Rolled out to Massey's on the new ship static fire test stand. |
| S29 | Launch Site | Final Testing before IFT-4 | Fully stacked, completed 3x cryo tests. Jan 31st: Engine installation started, two Raptor Centers seen going into MB2. Feb 25th: Moved from MB2 to High Bay. March 1st: Moved to Launch Site. March 2nd: After a brief trip to the OLM for a photo op on the 1st, moved back to Pad B and lifted onto the test stand. March 7th: Apparently aborted Spin Prime - LOX tank partly filled then detank. March 11th: Spin Prime with all six Raptors. March 12th: Moved back to Build Site and on March 13th moved into the High Bay. March 22nd: Moved back to Launch Site for more testing. March 25th: Static Fire test of all six Raptors. March 27th: Single engine Static Fire test to simulate igniting one engine for deorbit using the header tanks for propellant. March 29th: Rolled back to High Bay for final prep work prior to IFT-4. April 1st: All of the tiles removed from the tip of the nosecone, the next day workers started to add new ones. Many other loose and broken tiles also removed from other places on the ship, replacement process ongoing. May 10th - moved from HB to MB2, also most of the problem tiles have been replaced, only a few gaps remain. May 12th: Rolled out to Launch Site for stacking onto B11 and subsequent WDR (possibly on May 16th). May 15th: Stacked onto B11. May 16th: Partial propellant load of LOX and LCH4 then detank (note: NOT a failed WDR, there were no indications that a WDR was planned). |
| S30 | High Bay | Finalizing | Fully stacked, completed 2 cryo tests Jan 3 and Jan 6. April 4th: Moved to MB2 for engines installation. April 8th: Two RVACs and one Raptor Center were taken inside MB2 and installed. April 9th: Another Raptor Center moved into MB2 then an RVAC. Note: it's being said that all six Raptors are now installed, one Raptor Center was missed when Rover Cam was down for some hours prior to the first RVAC being moved inside MB2. May 1st: Moved to Launch Site for testing. May 7th: Small cryo test then later appeared to be going for a static fire, but after filling with LOX S30 was detanked, so an apparent abort. May 8th: Static Fire of all six Raptors. May 10th: Rolled back to the Build Site where it sat outside the High Bay all night and was then moved inside on May 11th. |
| S31 | High Bay | Repair | Fully stacked and as of January 10th has had both aft flaps installed. TPS incomplete. May 11th: Placed on ship thrust simulator and rolled out to Massey's Test Site for thrust puck plus cryo testing. May 12th: Cryo test performed but there was an anomaly which caused a brief electrical fire on the raceway. May 15th: Rolled back from Massey's to the High Bay for inspection and, hopefully, repair work. |
| S32 | Rocket Garden | Under construction | Fully stacked. No aft flaps. TPS incomplete. |
| S33+ | Build Site | In pieces | Parts visible at Build and Sanchez sites. |
| Booster | Location | Status | Comment |
|---|---|---|---|
| B7, B9, B10 | Bottom of sea | Destroyed | B7: IFT-1 (Summary, Video). B9: IFT-2 (Summary, Video). B10: IFT-3 (Summary, Video). |
| B11 | Launch Site | Final testing before IFT-4 | Completed 2 cryo tests. All engines have been installed according to the Booster Production diagram from The Ringwatchers. Hot Stage Ring not yet fitted but it's located behind the High Bay. April 3rd: Rolled out to Launch Site for some testing. April 5th: Static Fire. April 7th: Rolled back to Mega Bay 1 for final prep work prior to IFT-4. May 3rd: HSR has been spotted as having been installed. May 10th: Rolled out to Launch Site for WDR. May 15th: S29 stacked on top. May 16th: Partial propellant load of LOX and LCH4 then detank (note: NOT a failed WDR, there were no indications that a WDR was planned). |
| B12 | Mega Bay 1 | Finalizing | Appears complete, except for raptors and hot stage ring. Completed one cryo test on Jan 11. Second cryo test on Jan 12. |
| B13 | Mega Bay 1 | Finalizing | As of Feb 3rd: Fully stacked, remaining work ongoing. April 25th: New temporary protective cap installed on top to protect the grid fin components (note: grid fins not yet installed) then rolled out to Massey's Test Site for thrust puck and cryo testing. April 27th: First cryo test (Methane Tank only). April 29th: Second cryo test (LOX tank). May 3rd: Rolled back to Mega Bay 1 for final work (grid fins, Raptors, etc have yet to be installed). |
| B14 | Mega Bay 1 | LOX Tank under construction | Feb 9th: LOX tank Aft section A2:4 staged outside MB1. Feb 13th: Aft Section A2:4 moved inside MB1 and Common Dome section (CX:4) staged outside. Feb 15th: CX:4 moved into MB1 and stacked with A2:4, Aft section A3:4 staged outside MB1. Feb 21st: A3:4 moved into MB1 and stacked with the LOX tank, A4:4 staged outside MB1. Feb 23rd: Section A4:4 taken inside MB1. Feb 24th: A5:4 staged outside MB1. Feb 28th: A5:4 moved inside MB1 and stacked, also Methane tank section F2:3 staged outside MB1. Feb 29th: F3:3 also staged outside MB1. March 5th: Aft section positioned outside MB1, Forward section moves between MB1 and High Bay. March 6th: Aft section moved inside MB1. March 12th: Forward section of the methane tank parked outside MB1 and the LOX tank was stacked onto the aft section, meaning that once welded the LOX tank is completely stacked. March 13th: FX:3 and F2:3 moved inside MB1 and stacked, F3:3 still staged outside. March 27th: F3:3 moved into MB1 and stacked. March 29th: B14 F4:4 staged outside MB1. April 1st: B14 F4:4 moved inside MB1 and stacked, so completing the stacking of the methane tank. April 26th: The ring stand that the methane tank was on was removed from MB1 so indicating that B14 is now fully stacked. May 8th onwards - CO2 tanks taken inside for B14. |
| B15+ | Build Site | Assembly | Assorted parts spotted through B17. |
Something wrong? Update this thread via wiki page. For edit permission, message the mods or contact u/strawwalker.
Resources
- LabPadre Channel NASASpaceFlight.com Channel
- NSF: Booster 10 + Ship 28 OFT Thread Most Recent
- NSF: Boca Chica Production Updates Thread Most recent
- NSF: Elon Starship tweet compilation Most Recent
- SpaceX: Website Starship page Starship Users Guide (2020, PDF)
- FAA: SpaceX Starship Project at the Boca Chica Launch Site
- FAA: Temporary Flight Restrictions NOTAM list
- FCC: Starship Orbital Demo detailed Exhibit - 0748-EX-ST-2021 application June 20 through December 20
- NASA: Starship Reentry Observation (Technical Report)
- Hwy 4 & Boca Chica Beach Closures (May not be available outside US)
- Production Progress Infographics by @RingWatchers
- Raptor 2 Tracker by @SpaceRhin0
- Acronym definitions by Decronym
- Everyday Astronaut: Starbase Tour with Elon Musk, Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
- Everyday Astronaut: 2022 Elon Musk Interviews, Starbase/Ship Updates Launch Tower Merlin Engine Raptor Engine
Rules
We will attempt to keep this self-post current with links and major updates, but for the most part, we expect the community to supply the information. This is a great place to discuss Starship development, ask Starship-specific questions, and track the progress of the production and test campaigns. Starship Development Threads are not party threads. Normal subreddit rules still apply.2024.05.16 09:22 drchitra What are the potential causes of infertility that can be addressed through treatment?
Infertility can be caused by various factors, both in men and women, and many of these causes can be addressed through treatment. Some potential causes of infertility that can be treated include:
1. Ovulation Disorders : Irregular or absent ovulation can contribute to infertility in women. Conditions such as polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), hypothalamic dysfunction, and thyroid disorders can disrupt ovulation. Treatment options may include lifestyle changes, medication (such as clomiphene citrate or letrozole), or assisted reproductive technologies (ART) like in vitro fertilization (IVF).
2. Tubal Factors : Blocked or damaged fallopian tubes can prevent the egg from traveling from the ovary to the uterus, leading to Infertility Treatment options may include surgical procedures to repair or unblock the fallopian tubes, such as tubal reanastomosis or tubal cannulation, or ART procedures like IVF.
3. Uterine Factors : Abnormalities in the uterus, such as uterine fibroids, polyps, or adhesions (scar tissue), can interfere with implantation and pregnancy. Treatment options may include surgical removal of the uterine abnormalities or ART procedures like IVF.
4. Endometriosis : Endometriosis is a condition where tissue similar to the lining of the uterus grows outside the uterus, which can cause inflammation, scarring, and infertility. Treatment options may include medication (such as hormonal therapy or pain relievers), surgery to remove endometrial implants or adhesions, or ART procedures like IVF.
5. Male Factor Infertility : Male infertility can be caused by issues such as low sperm count, poor sperm motility, or abnormal sperm morphology. Treatment options may include lifestyle changes, medication (such as hormone therapy or antioxidants), surgical procedures (such as varicocele repair or sperm retrieval techniques), or ART procedures like intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI).
6. Unexplained Infertility : In some cases, despite thorough testing, the cause of infertility may remain unknown. Treatment options may include empiric treatments such as ovulation induction, intrauterine insemination (IUI), or ART procedures like IVF.
7. Age-Related Infertility : Advanced maternal age can decrease ovarian reserve and increase the risk of infertility and miscarriage in women. Treatment options may include aggressive fertility treatments like IVF or the use of donor eggs.
8. Lifestyle Factors : Certain lifestyle factors such as obesity, smoking, excessive alcohol consumption, and exposure to environmental toxins can impact fertility in both men and women. Addressing these factors through lifestyle modifications can improve fertility outcomes.
9. Medical Conditions and Medications : Certain medical conditions (such as diabetes or autoimmune disorders) and medications (such as chemotherapy or certain antidepressants) can affect fertility. Treatment may involve managing the underlying condition or adjusting medication regimens to optimize fertility.
It's important for individuals experiencing infertility to undergo a comprehensive evaluation by a fertility specialist to identify the underlying causes and develop a personalized treatment plan tailored to their specific needs and circumstances. With advances in reproductive medicine, many causes of infertility can be successfully treated, allowing individuals to achieve their goal of parenthood.
submitted by drchitra to u/drchitra [link] [comments]
1. Ovulation Disorders : Irregular or absent ovulation can contribute to infertility in women. Conditions such as polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), hypothalamic dysfunction, and thyroid disorders can disrupt ovulation. Treatment options may include lifestyle changes, medication (such as clomiphene citrate or letrozole), or assisted reproductive technologies (ART) like in vitro fertilization (IVF).
2. Tubal Factors : Blocked or damaged fallopian tubes can prevent the egg from traveling from the ovary to the uterus, leading to Infertility Treatment options may include surgical procedures to repair or unblock the fallopian tubes, such as tubal reanastomosis or tubal cannulation, or ART procedures like IVF.
3. Uterine Factors : Abnormalities in the uterus, such as uterine fibroids, polyps, or adhesions (scar tissue), can interfere with implantation and pregnancy. Treatment options may include surgical removal of the uterine abnormalities or ART procedures like IVF.
4. Endometriosis : Endometriosis is a condition where tissue similar to the lining of the uterus grows outside the uterus, which can cause inflammation, scarring, and infertility. Treatment options may include medication (such as hormonal therapy or pain relievers), surgery to remove endometrial implants or adhesions, or ART procedures like IVF.
5. Male Factor Infertility : Male infertility can be caused by issues such as low sperm count, poor sperm motility, or abnormal sperm morphology. Treatment options may include lifestyle changes, medication (such as hormone therapy or antioxidants), surgical procedures (such as varicocele repair or sperm retrieval techniques), or ART procedures like intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI).
6. Unexplained Infertility : In some cases, despite thorough testing, the cause of infertility may remain unknown. Treatment options may include empiric treatments such as ovulation induction, intrauterine insemination (IUI), or ART procedures like IVF.
7. Age-Related Infertility : Advanced maternal age can decrease ovarian reserve and increase the risk of infertility and miscarriage in women. Treatment options may include aggressive fertility treatments like IVF or the use of donor eggs.
8. Lifestyle Factors : Certain lifestyle factors such as obesity, smoking, excessive alcohol consumption, and exposure to environmental toxins can impact fertility in both men and women. Addressing these factors through lifestyle modifications can improve fertility outcomes.
9. Medical Conditions and Medications : Certain medical conditions (such as diabetes or autoimmune disorders) and medications (such as chemotherapy or certain antidepressants) can affect fertility. Treatment may involve managing the underlying condition or adjusting medication regimens to optimize fertility.
It's important for individuals experiencing infertility to undergo a comprehensive evaluation by a fertility specialist to identify the underlying causes and develop a personalized treatment plan tailored to their specific needs and circumstances. With advances in reproductive medicine, many causes of infertility can be successfully treated, allowing individuals to achieve their goal of parenthood.
2024.05.16 05:53 RedSuperType1 James Earl Cash robloxian cousin
 | Context: submitted by RedSuperType1 to GoCommitDie [link] [comments] Manhunt is a horror stealth game developed and published by rockstar games in 2003. The game center on the main character named James Earl Cash that somehow end up in a snuff film ring. He was forced to play a snuff film while unknown director guides him through. The gameplay is around sneaking, hide in the shadow, being stealthy and execute enemies from behind. Traversal is a roblox successor to manhunt. Created by OCTIK. The game center around you waking up in and unknown place and must find a way to get out of this place by executing enemies like in manhunt. A lot of machanics from manhunt is brought over to traversal with some few changes. And some new machanics to spice up the game. The game is somehow harder than manhunt and the game leans more to slealth, atmosphere and melee combat than late game manhunt(you mostly had to use gun late game). The game is quite short and can be complete in half an hour. I recommended this game for manhunt enthusiast and some people who didn't know what game to play in roblox to give this game a try. |
2024.05.16 04:53 PyroIsSpai 195 Broadway and November 21: a theory on Lue Elizondos disclosure of being threatened today.
Lue revealed he and others were recently threatened today.
This is all over the Internet.Marik Von Rennenkampff, a former State and Department of Defense official, just tweeted this:
I have been made aware of specific, credible threats against Luis Elizondo.A former State Department and Defense Department appointee of President Barack Obama just corroborated Lue Elizondo's statement.
At this time, I am unaware of specific, credible threats against other confirmed or prospective UAP whistleblowers.
Unknown UFO/NHI data is in the wild for at least 54 hours?
On May 13th, 2024, Lue tweeted this from NYC:It is exactly 54 hours as I write this post, since Lue posted that image.
That is the headquarters of HarperCollins, the book publisher. It came out (perhaps via Steven Greenstreet, ironically?) that his book is listed for a November 21st, 2024 release. The last "major" UFO book was Leslie Kean's... which was a major bestseller that sold out several times. It is highly likely that Lue Elizondos book will release concurrently with an audio book version as well. That book will come out in hardcover. There are 192 days or approximately 27 weeks and 3 days between May 13 and November 21. Or... 6 months.
Lue posts the headquarters of his publisher and less than 48 hours later has to announce these people were all threatened.
This all gives us some immediate benchmarks on calendars.
Or, you know... the apocryphal "time constraints" we were warned about.
Keep that in mind: 6 months till the book releases.
Some quick facts to chew over:- It takes about a full week to record a typical audio book, and the creative staff will have access "several" weeks prior. An audio book takes narration, editing, sound engineering, and final mastering. Typically done 3-6 months pre-release.
- Physical books will finish printing 8-12 weeks before release; distribution 2-4 weeks before release; arriving in stores 1-2 weeks before release.
- Reviewers will get access 3-6 months prior.
- Editing can be 10-12 weeks of work typically on a short end. Editing has to be done before any printing or audio book to allow for typesetting, design, layout, etc., which can be another 2-3 months. So must be finished 24~ weeks at best before release.
Work the timeline backwards 6 months from November 21:
Using the shortest possible windows to be conservative:- November 21, 2024: 27 weeks from now. Release date.
- November 14, 2024: physical books arrive in stores.
- November 7, 2024: books ship to stores.
- September 26, 2024: physical printing is completed.
- August 21, 2024: reviewers get access, audio book done.
- Mid-May to early June , 2024: all principle editing/design done. About when audio staff get access.
- December 2023: HarperCollins would have the manuscript around here.
Each exposure is another leak possibility and a disclosure vector.
Thousands of people will have access to this data much sooner than you realize.
It's about 6 months from editing done to release.
Six months before November 21, 2024 is May 21, 2024. Today is May 15.Lue has been all TV, news, and documentaries since 2017, seven years ago. It is extremely widely assumed he is among the "Grusch Forty". It is extremely widely assumed he has testified to Congress. That's all in the past.
Why else threaten him now?
Did editing wrap up and things get settled, and the book in the past few days is "loose"?
Are we past coincidences now?
2024.05.16 03:14 Parking_Cucumber_184 Does anyone have access to journal articles?
I would really like to read this paper:
The identification of psychedelic compounds within Australian Acacia species L O’Grady, X. A. Conlan & L. Webb Pages 91-94 Received 30 Jan 2024, Accepted 04 Feb 2024, Published online: 28 Apr 2024
But I don’t have access and can’t find any discussion or excerpts about it. I want to know the 41 previously unknown Acacias that contain dmt.
submitted by Parking_Cucumber_184 to Aussiepsychoactives [link] [comments]
The identification of psychedelic compounds within Australian Acacia species L O’Grady, X. A. Conlan & L. Webb Pages 91-94 Received 30 Jan 2024, Accepted 04 Feb 2024, Published online: 28 Apr 2024
But I don’t have access and can’t find any discussion or excerpts about it. I want to know the 41 previously unknown Acacias that contain dmt.
2024.05.16 01:51 BowlLess4741 Should I block my ex or let her call?
My ex has BPD. We broke up a few years ago, we were no contact for about 10 months before she started leaving me voicemails from unknown numbers and calling, after I stopped answering she began calling from her real number. I’ve always left her unblocked incase she was feeling suicidal or something.
I’m not asking for me, what is the best thing for a person with BPD? (I know everyone is different but generally speaking) She is angry at me and traumatized. I feel like I should block her just so she will stop calling me cussing me out but if she needs to do that to make herself feel even a little better than maybe I shouldn’t.
I’m all ears.
submitted by BowlLess4741 to BPD [link] [comments]
I’m not asking for me, what is the best thing for a person with BPD? (I know everyone is different but generally speaking) She is angry at me and traumatized. I feel like I should block her just so she will stop calling me cussing me out but if she needs to do that to make herself feel even a little better than maybe I shouldn’t.
I’m all ears.
2024.05.16 00:50 Acrobatic_Point_2771 Finding gigs, how do you do it? (Europe/experimental area)
Hi music makers! I’m writing this post to ask for some advice and to see how fellow underground musicians are dealing with the current live panorama, since I admit that I am a bit frustrated.
I’m no professional but I take music making very seriously, I produce music in a niche genre, ambient/experimental electronica/post-rock/soundtrack-style (think Ben Frost, Tim Hecker and so on). I am based in Italy and in the last 10 years I’ve published 2 records with a duo and then one as a solo artist, all for a DIY label run by a friend. I’ve paid a press agency for every release, they found me some good reviews on respected specialized press, both web and paper, in Italy at least (less in other countries). Now I have a new record to be released in September, but this time it will be published by a well-respected label in the underground, active since many years, and I plan to hire the same press agent as last time.
So then I am trying to book some gigs in Europe for September, it has never been easy since I play a very niche genre but this is becoming harder and harder recently. As I said I am no pro, I don’t aim at big hi-level clubs, I don’t aim to make money out of it, I am fine with spending some, I have a day job that satisfies me and I’m doing it because I love music, I love playing live, bringing my music out of my room, traveling and meeting people. Playing a bunch of shows in some cities in Europe, with 30 people attending, losing some money, but having 30 people seriously interested in listening each time would be a failure for a seasoned professional but for me it would be a great deal of satisfaction. Of course I am ambitious and always aiming for more but I also want to be realistic and sincere.
Even this however seems to become hard to nail; I am sending so many emails right now, a place in Paris asked me to contact them again in August, too soon now for the fall; a place in Berlin where I played like 4 or 5 times during the years answers my mails with an excruciating delay and they haven’t confirmed me a gig yet, a place in Brussels where I played a couple of times, last one two years ago, doesn’t answer. All the other places didn’t answer. In Italy even small places don’t answer, or answer saying that my genre doesn’t fit (actually they book acts playing almost my exact genre, but they have a more established following).
I tried several times to contact good booking agencies, which are even specialised in genres like mine, they always say they are too busy/have their roster full.
So, there’s probably the easy answer, my music is not good enough. Which can definitely be true, but since I managed to find some good reviews for my last works (actual decent stuff, not “you pay - we review” stuff or minuscule, unknown webzines) and a label for my next one, I want to keep trying and asking the community: how do you manage to find your gigs? I know often people become friends with other acts and they exchange dates playing together, but this is also hard to do because I don’t even have enough contacts where I live to find gigs that would provide a good enough experience and enough money to host a foreign band in exchange for them to do the same.
Thanks a lot to anyone willing to share their experience, a virtual hug to everyone!
submitted by Acrobatic_Point_2771 to WeAreTheMusicMakers [link] [comments]
I’m no professional but I take music making very seriously, I produce music in a niche genre, ambient/experimental electronica/post-rock/soundtrack-style (think Ben Frost, Tim Hecker and so on). I am based in Italy and in the last 10 years I’ve published 2 records with a duo and then one as a solo artist, all for a DIY label run by a friend. I’ve paid a press agency for every release, they found me some good reviews on respected specialized press, both web and paper, in Italy at least (less in other countries). Now I have a new record to be released in September, but this time it will be published by a well-respected label in the underground, active since many years, and I plan to hire the same press agent as last time.
So then I am trying to book some gigs in Europe for September, it has never been easy since I play a very niche genre but this is becoming harder and harder recently. As I said I am no pro, I don’t aim at big hi-level clubs, I don’t aim to make money out of it, I am fine with spending some, I have a day job that satisfies me and I’m doing it because I love music, I love playing live, bringing my music out of my room, traveling and meeting people. Playing a bunch of shows in some cities in Europe, with 30 people attending, losing some money, but having 30 people seriously interested in listening each time would be a failure for a seasoned professional but for me it would be a great deal of satisfaction. Of course I am ambitious and always aiming for more but I also want to be realistic and sincere.
Even this however seems to become hard to nail; I am sending so many emails right now, a place in Paris asked me to contact them again in August, too soon now for the fall; a place in Berlin where I played like 4 or 5 times during the years answers my mails with an excruciating delay and they haven’t confirmed me a gig yet, a place in Brussels where I played a couple of times, last one two years ago, doesn’t answer. All the other places didn’t answer. In Italy even small places don’t answer, or answer saying that my genre doesn’t fit (actually they book acts playing almost my exact genre, but they have a more established following).
I tried several times to contact good booking agencies, which are even specialised in genres like mine, they always say they are too busy/have their roster full.
So, there’s probably the easy answer, my music is not good enough. Which can definitely be true, but since I managed to find some good reviews for my last works (actual decent stuff, not “you pay - we review” stuff or minuscule, unknown webzines) and a label for my next one, I want to keep trying and asking the community: how do you manage to find your gigs? I know often people become friends with other acts and they exchange dates playing together, but this is also hard to do because I don’t even have enough contacts where I live to find gigs that would provide a good enough experience and enough money to host a foreign band in exchange for them to do the same.
Thanks a lot to anyone willing to share their experience, a virtual hug to everyone!
2024.05.16 00:50 glebbwy Mold in home, health issues, and mold inspection results
Hello mold subreddit. First time reddit poster here. Thank you in advance for any insight you can offer to my case. In what follows, I'm going to first describe the health journey that led to my mold discoveries and questions, so please bear with me through the health stuff. I have included excessive detail in the hopes that my case might help others navigate possible mold problems.
If you don't feel like reading all the below, the tl:dr version: After struggling with unknown health issues for 15 months, I eventually linked my symptoms to my new home and subsequently discovered very high volatile organic chemical levels. I linked the VOCs to mold. I also had a mold inspection done, and the results are at the bottom of this post. The levels of mold were high in my kitchen and bathroom. However, oddly, the mold levels in the outside control group were much higher than inside. Can anyone help me understand how high my indoor mold levels are? Does anyone know whether the outdoor levels are reasonably normal? Is my specific blend of mold types implicated in neurological symptoms for others? And if anyone has dealt with mold before, do my possible mold symptoms described below seem similar to ones that you've had?
I bought my townhome in late 2022. Within four months, I started having new neurological symptoms. These symptoms started with a postural tremor in my left index finger and thumb. The same hand eventually began to appear smaller and shriveled, especially around my thumb. I also started having extremely frequent muscle twitches and jerks. These twitches take three general forms:
Aside from these neurological symptoms, I also have had frequent hoarseness, sneezing, jaw pain, and headaches. My joints often feel like they are more bony and poppy, especially in my left knee and knuckles. In addition, I've had a lot of issues with one ear on the same side as the shriveled hand. The ear had an apparent infection or cloudiness 12 months ago that went away, it then had recurrent pulsatile tinnitus, and now it just occasionally hurts at random times. There have been many other symptoms.
I have seen two neurologists, an endocrinologist, an ear-nose-throat doctor, and an orthopedic doctor. I've had countless tests done including two electromyographies (EMGs) over my whole body several months apart, an MRI, and a lyme disease blood panel. Every test has been normal, although the orthopedic doctor suggested possible thoracic outlet syndrome. The neurologist said my nerves are quite robust. My borrelia blood panel came back negative, although as a side note I did have a tick bite in early 2022 that caused a rash. I was treated for Lyme with 10 days of doxycycline. The tick bite itself still occasionally flares up red and its timing might be correlated with my symptoms.
Back to the house-- I was on a two week vacation out of state and noticed my twitches go away. Then I saw my arm become more normal sized again and the veins start to come back. I didn't feel the same joint issues, had no hoarseness, lost the headaches. All the symptoms came back as soon as I returned home, but nevertheless after that vacation and subsequent extended trips, I was able to conclude with a reasonable level of confidence that these symptoms are linked to the house. I bought an air filter and an air quality monitor that shows volatile organic chemicals, PM, formaldehyde, and C02.
Using the air quality monitor, I discovered that volatile organic chemicals (VOCs) and formaldehyde were usually abnormally high and sometimes extremely high. VOCs are usually above safety thresholds at >0.5 mg/m3 and formaldehyde >0.1 mg/m3. Sometimes, the VOC levels will stay consistently above 1.8mg/m3. I witnessed them reach a peak level of 5mg/3 in one bedroom late at night when I was woken up by a feeling of shortness of breath. I tried but failed to correlate these high VOCs to electronics, chemical sources in the home, cooking sources, heaters, and cleaning supplies. The way the VOCs would spike all over the house for no apparent reason in the evening helped me rule out some of these other possibilities. I also actively removed other sources.
Eventually, I realized that the VOCs were likely caused by mold, so-called microbial VOCs. The formaldehyde could also be explained by mold. The levels of VOCs would spike on rainy days, when the humidity was high inside, and in the evening. I don't think any other chemical source near the house would display this pattern. It took me a while to reach this conclusion because the mold issue in my house isn't too obvious. The house has always had a slight musty smell, especially if the air is stagnant for a while. The bathroom also has recurring mold growth on a tiles, in the shower, and on the various shower liners. A couple cabinets in the kitchen have always smelled musty. I didn't think these obvious signs of mold growth were that big of a deal, but given the extremely high levels of VOCs I now believe the mold has always been the issue.
Once I realized it was likely mold, I started noticing all the signs. The house is about 100 years old. The prior two owners of this house each moved out within five months. The house is not ventilated except from windows. It sits in a damp area near where water puddles up in the yard. It's mostly solid brick, so the house frame has a way of trapping hot air and releasing a lot of moisture onto the floors each evening. There's also a cheap layer of vinyl flooring throughout that could easily cover up a massive mold problem underneath. Finally, the townhome sits on top of an old shared crawl space that was used as a furnace. It has had known water puddling issues for which reason a vapor guard was installed underneath my first floor.
So, I had a mold inspection done. The results are at the bottom of this post. The bathroom results might be diluted because I left the window open the night before. Nevertheless, both my kitchen and bathroom had mold detected at levels between 6480 - 12,300 spores/m3. Oddly, the outdoor levels of all of the molds were often much higher, 3-6 fold higher than the levels indoors. It was a humid day, but it still seems odd for me that an outdoor space could have higher levels than indoors.
On later reading about my specific mold spores and neurological symptoms, I noticed that the two most elevated groups of spores in my house, ascospores and basidiospores, are the same class as all of the funguses known to have colonized the nervous system of ALS patients according to this published article. Those specific types of fungus found in the nerves of ALS patients are Candida, Malassezia, Fusarium, Botrytis, Trichoderma, and Cryptococcus. It naturally led me to wonder if my chronic als-type neurological symptoms could be caused by some latent fungal infection in my body that gradually improves when I'm away from the home.
Wrapping up this thread, I have a bunch of questions.
submitted by glebbwy to Mold [link] [comments]
If you don't feel like reading all the below, the tl:dr version: After struggling with unknown health issues for 15 months, I eventually linked my symptoms to my new home and subsequently discovered very high volatile organic chemical levels. I linked the VOCs to mold. I also had a mold inspection done, and the results are at the bottom of this post. The levels of mold were high in my kitchen and bathroom. However, oddly, the mold levels in the outside control group were much higher than inside. Can anyone help me understand how high my indoor mold levels are? Does anyone know whether the outdoor levels are reasonably normal? Is my specific blend of mold types implicated in neurological symptoms for others? And if anyone has dealt with mold before, do my possible mold symptoms described below seem similar to ones that you've had?
I bought my townhome in late 2022. Within four months, I started having new neurological symptoms. These symptoms started with a postural tremor in my left index finger and thumb. The same hand eventually began to appear smaller and shriveled, especially around my thumb. I also started having extremely frequent muscle twitches and jerks. These twitches take three general forms:
- The most common is an odd sensation of something wiggling under my skin. These primarily happen in my face, around my mouth, my butt/legs, and ribs.
- A pulsing regular beat in a muscle that lasts for several seconds and in some cases longer. These usually happen near joints, especially just above my elbows and knees. These are almost always visible to the naked eye.
- A sensation of rapid vibrating underneath the skin that lasts briefly. These vibrations are usually not visible but you can feel them if you press a hand over the area.
Aside from these neurological symptoms, I also have had frequent hoarseness, sneezing, jaw pain, and headaches. My joints often feel like they are more bony and poppy, especially in my left knee and knuckles. In addition, I've had a lot of issues with one ear on the same side as the shriveled hand. The ear had an apparent infection or cloudiness 12 months ago that went away, it then had recurrent pulsatile tinnitus, and now it just occasionally hurts at random times. There have been many other symptoms.
I have seen two neurologists, an endocrinologist, an ear-nose-throat doctor, and an orthopedic doctor. I've had countless tests done including two electromyographies (EMGs) over my whole body several months apart, an MRI, and a lyme disease blood panel. Every test has been normal, although the orthopedic doctor suggested possible thoracic outlet syndrome. The neurologist said my nerves are quite robust. My borrelia blood panel came back negative, although as a side note I did have a tick bite in early 2022 that caused a rash. I was treated for Lyme with 10 days of doxycycline. The tick bite itself still occasionally flares up red and its timing might be correlated with my symptoms.
Back to the house-- I was on a two week vacation out of state and noticed my twitches go away. Then I saw my arm become more normal sized again and the veins start to come back. I didn't feel the same joint issues, had no hoarseness, lost the headaches. All the symptoms came back as soon as I returned home, but nevertheless after that vacation and subsequent extended trips, I was able to conclude with a reasonable level of confidence that these symptoms are linked to the house. I bought an air filter and an air quality monitor that shows volatile organic chemicals, PM, formaldehyde, and C02.
Using the air quality monitor, I discovered that volatile organic chemicals (VOCs) and formaldehyde were usually abnormally high and sometimes extremely high. VOCs are usually above safety thresholds at >0.5 mg/m3 and formaldehyde >0.1 mg/m3. Sometimes, the VOC levels will stay consistently above 1.8mg/m3. I witnessed them reach a peak level of 5mg/3 in one bedroom late at night when I was woken up by a feeling of shortness of breath. I tried but failed to correlate these high VOCs to electronics, chemical sources in the home, cooking sources, heaters, and cleaning supplies. The way the VOCs would spike all over the house for no apparent reason in the evening helped me rule out some of these other possibilities. I also actively removed other sources.
Eventually, I realized that the VOCs were likely caused by mold, so-called microbial VOCs. The formaldehyde could also be explained by mold. The levels of VOCs would spike on rainy days, when the humidity was high inside, and in the evening. I don't think any other chemical source near the house would display this pattern. It took me a while to reach this conclusion because the mold issue in my house isn't too obvious. The house has always had a slight musty smell, especially if the air is stagnant for a while. The bathroom also has recurring mold growth on a tiles, in the shower, and on the various shower liners. A couple cabinets in the kitchen have always smelled musty. I didn't think these obvious signs of mold growth were that big of a deal, but given the extremely high levels of VOCs I now believe the mold has always been the issue.
Once I realized it was likely mold, I started noticing all the signs. The house is about 100 years old. The prior two owners of this house each moved out within five months. The house is not ventilated except from windows. It sits in a damp area near where water puddles up in the yard. It's mostly solid brick, so the house frame has a way of trapping hot air and releasing a lot of moisture onto the floors each evening. There's also a cheap layer of vinyl flooring throughout that could easily cover up a massive mold problem underneath. Finally, the townhome sits on top of an old shared crawl space that was used as a furnace. It has had known water puddling issues for which reason a vapor guard was installed underneath my first floor.
So, I had a mold inspection done. The results are at the bottom of this post. The bathroom results might be diluted because I left the window open the night before. Nevertheless, both my kitchen and bathroom had mold detected at levels between 6480 - 12,300 spores/m3. Oddly, the outdoor levels of all of the molds were often much higher, 3-6 fold higher than the levels indoors. It was a humid day, but it still seems odd for me that an outdoor space could have higher levels than indoors.
On later reading about my specific mold spores and neurological symptoms, I noticed that the two most elevated groups of spores in my house, ascospores and basidiospores, are the same class as all of the funguses known to have colonized the nervous system of ALS patients according to this published article. Those specific types of fungus found in the nerves of ALS patients are Candida, Malassezia, Fusarium, Botrytis, Trichoderma, and Cryptococcus. It naturally led me to wonder if my chronic als-type neurological symptoms could be caused by some latent fungal infection in my body that gradually improves when I'm away from the home.
Wrapping up this thread, I have a bunch of questions.
- Does anyone have the same kinds of molds (see below) in their home and have the ability to speak to how problematic my levels are from their own experience?
- Why would the outdoor control be so high? I do compost and garden, but all of the compost is buried underground.
- Is my specific blend of mold types implicated in neurological symptoms?
- Do my symptoms seem similar to mold-related symptoms that you might have had? I'm trying to figure out if mold is a likely culprit or if I should keep seeking help for possible tickborne illness or other issues.
- Should my mold levels be a cause to stay away from this house as much as possible? Should I ever return?
- Do I need to throw away all my belongings like books clothes and sheets?
- Would a very high quality HEPA air purifier make any difference?
- Is there some kind of public health representative that could help me navigate this or a type of mold doctor who could help me investigate the causes of my symptoms and seek the right kinds of medication?
- Do you have any other advice for someone in my situation?
2024.05.15 23:36 Low-Entropy From "Frontal Sickness" to "(Maria) I Like It Loud" - Marc Acardipane, the 'Forgotten Man' of Techno
There is an essay by "raver anthropologist" Simon Reynolds that has become a kind of cult thing amongst Hardcore Techno aficionados. It got published in The Wire in 1998; it turned into a cult object not only because it was one of the rare cases where Hardcore music was mentioned in a bigger zine during the late 90s (as opposed to the many badly xeroxed Hardcore-fanzines, with a run of ~50 copies, of which most were destined to end up on soaked squat party toilet room floors), but because it also focused on a very specific person: Marc Acardipane, his releases, and his label family. [1]
In it, he called Marc "the forgotten man of Techno", and followed up with the reasons for that: even though he was right there at the proper beginning of "Techno", was hugely influential, and good friends with many people that are now considered to be true pioneers and legends by vox populi, he fell out of favor when Hardcore itself fell out of favor amongst the Techno folk; because he stayed true to his "core roots" and didn't disown them, like so many other producers did on their way up to the place amongst the stars (and on their way down to the sewers again).
But let's move on from Simon, The Wire, and the year 1998. What happened after that date? First, Marc itself was pulled out from the "shadow zones"; because at least the Hardcore and Gabber scene finally remembered its Techno roots, and kept worshiping those roots again; although under different monikers, such as "oldschool", "oldstyle", "early rave", and so on - I guess "the names have been changed to protect the innocent". This meant that "Technoid Hardcore" could be enjoyed at Hardcore parties and festivals once more (often on separate floors), which led to a lot of gigs and exposure for Marc and his Planet Core Productions sound. [Note: PCP aka Planet Core Productions was a label family run by Marc Acardipane and Thorsten Lambart in the 90s.] It also influenced the Hardcore scene as a whole. A succession of genres such as "newstyle", "millennium" and "mainstyle" came into existence; genres that to 98% were built upon PCP and PCP-adjacent tracks: "Stereo Murder" (produced by Acardipane), "Atmos-Fear" (produced by Acardipane), "Poltergeist" (released on his label), "Flesh is the Fever" (released on Things To Come Records, a label with personal ties to PCP and that was inspired by PCP), plus various others.
This was already a good thing. But then, slowly but steadily, the Techno folk re-gained their interest in Hardcore and harder sounds, too; and now that the "millennial dominance" of the Techno scene, together with their favoring of minimalist and dandy-esque sounds, is slowly fading away, a younger generation is taking over the scene, and that new generation is very, very hardcore.
This led to a renewed interest in the works of Marc Acardipane, his crew, and his output again, coming straight from the heart of the Techno world. Marc himself acknowledged this development in some of his interviews, and added that the Techno people are sometimes even more zealous and knowledgeable about this music than the die-hard old-school gabbers!
A very fine evolution indeed; and we hope Marc gets into the spotlight again because of this, and that he finally reaps the respect that he deserves!
But why is the Techno folk favoring him and his sound specifically - in fact, more than a lot of other "Hardcore" players? I think this is because - and now we cycle back to 1998's "The Wire" essay - his sound is *indeed* heavily connected to Techno. It's not just some ultra-aggressive, ultra-noisy Gabber outing. It's real, true, bona fide Techno music. More than that, it represents a "road not taken" in the history of Techno music. Because, when you go back to the advent of Techno, to Detroit, Chicago, Berlin, London, Frankfurt, there was always a Hardcore contingent. Hardcore was always part of the Techno spirit, it helped to shape and mold the Techno sound. Alas, as mentioned above, it got disowned, and it became almost "forbidden" to speak of this type of music within Techno circles.
A liminal space that always lingered next to the scene as time moved on; a place that people did not dare to enter.
All this is changing now again. And while "every boy and his dog" (i.e. zines, webcasts, music academies) had their own Marc Acardipane feature by now, focusing on his more Hardcore and Gabber output, we decided to do the very opposite here, and showcase the Techno tracks from the past days of the PCP oeuvre, released using a cornucopia of aliases.
Bon appetit!
Oh, and by the way: we very dearly love "I like it loud", too!
(This list is in no particular order)
1. The Mover - Over Land and Sea how can one not love this track? great techno beats, rhythms, groove... and then this cosmic, celestial arrangement in the middle... the beats come back in, and the dancefloor erupts into madness. the flip side ("underwater operations") is also very well worth a listen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuYMsR1Cae8
2. Cyborg Unknown - The Year 2001 (Deep in Detroit mix) this is going deep into the history of detroit techno indeed. it's not enough to be friends of the jaguar here, this track channels cybotron just as much as it does metroplex. funky!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2q4v8_YxbE
3. Trip Commando - Cross The White Line a techno behemoth of the most epic proportions. has probably one of the most elongated build ups in dance history, until the epic cinematic breakdown unfolds. highly recommended!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGWv1e2hBZk
4. Turbulence - Whurlstorm this was on the second release by Industrial Strength Records - a label that shaped Hardcore history, too. it starts as a nice little nasty techno track, until everything breaks apart in the mid-riff, and turns into a hurricane of bass frequncies.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sngue8baqPs
5. The Mover - Nightflight (Nonstop 2 Kaos) and this was on Industrial Strengh Records number one! As Lenny Dee licensed "We Have Arrived" (a fantastic hardcore track, to say the least) for his label, and put that number on the back side. a cold groove, percussion that almost feels like a breakbeat... lots of bass, cyber-synth.... this is just dancefloor heaven.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snnHspK1QYI
6. Countdown Part V - Untitled (A1) Countdown FFM is another sub-label to go for if one is looking for some technoid gems. stellar electronic intro, then we get into dance grooves, and things become more deviant as acid sounds sneak in.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfIL6OCtN3o
7. Alien Christ - Of Suns and Moons (Phase II) inspired by "Suburban Knights - The Art of Stalking" (a true classic, originally released on Transmat). Marc made this influence his own, and delivered a very detroit-ish underground rave anthem.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGmmDrQTyyY
8. The Mover & Lunatic Asylum – Frequency Surfers Lunatic Asylum aka "Dr. Macabre" is another person that was entwined with electronic music history while turning into a global player in the hardcore sector at a later date. this is a joint-venture of these two titans of techno, and the result is a very trippy, very twisted and surreal track.
(Cannot be found on youtube, but here are audio previews: https://www.toolboxrecords.com/en/product/17643/techno-hardtechno/dance-ecstasy-2025/ )
9. The Mover - Astral Demons (Original Mix) you should have realized by now: the mover is a synonym for high quality productions. this is one of my favorite pics from the legendary "frontal sickness" releases; and indeed adds a very demonic vibe to the whole dance thing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSMT2KdQt5Q
10. Rave Creator - A New Mind (Thai Acid Mix) "Thai" was a pcp sub that focused specifically on techno, acid, even a bit of trance-ish tracks. despite the alias, this was put out on DE 2001 instead. It's a remix of the famous "A New Mind" track.
starting with pure bass drones. it builds up very slowly, until thunderous, reverberated bass drums come in, and then it goes into full-on acid feeding. similar to "cross the white line", this track could be given the title "cinematic techno soundtrack".
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGpuMbLicZU
Honorable Mentions:
T-Bone Castro - Return 2 Planet E Reincarnated Regulator - Italian Stallion Craig Tayaffo - Reduction (Back For Acid-The Expanded 0,25 Hrs Mix) Barracuda - Braineaters Two Tonys - Organ Bitch Nasty Django - Ey Loco Cold Rush Records Frontal Sickness 1+2 Reincarnated Regulator - Mindeater Climax - Relax Nasty Django - 3 P Rules! SexDrive Entertainment - No.2 T-Bone Castro / Ace The Space - Ace In The Hole Project Æ - Whales Alive Ultra Spaceman - Ultra-Style
Footnotes: 1: The original Wire essay - http://reynoldsretro.blogspot.com/2015/03/marc-acardipane-mover-pcp-dance-ecstasy.html
submitted by Low-Entropy to ravetechno [link] [comments]
In it, he called Marc "the forgotten man of Techno", and followed up with the reasons for that: even though he was right there at the proper beginning of "Techno", was hugely influential, and good friends with many people that are now considered to be true pioneers and legends by vox populi, he fell out of favor when Hardcore itself fell out of favor amongst the Techno folk; because he stayed true to his "core roots" and didn't disown them, like so many other producers did on their way up to the place amongst the stars (and on their way down to the sewers again).
But let's move on from Simon, The Wire, and the year 1998. What happened after that date? First, Marc itself was pulled out from the "shadow zones"; because at least the Hardcore and Gabber scene finally remembered its Techno roots, and kept worshiping those roots again; although under different monikers, such as "oldschool", "oldstyle", "early rave", and so on - I guess "the names have been changed to protect the innocent". This meant that "Technoid Hardcore" could be enjoyed at Hardcore parties and festivals once more (often on separate floors), which led to a lot of gigs and exposure for Marc and his Planet Core Productions sound. [Note: PCP aka Planet Core Productions was a label family run by Marc Acardipane and Thorsten Lambart in the 90s.] It also influenced the Hardcore scene as a whole. A succession of genres such as "newstyle", "millennium" and "mainstyle" came into existence; genres that to 98% were built upon PCP and PCP-adjacent tracks: "Stereo Murder" (produced by Acardipane), "Atmos-Fear" (produced by Acardipane), "Poltergeist" (released on his label), "Flesh is the Fever" (released on Things To Come Records, a label with personal ties to PCP and that was inspired by PCP), plus various others.
This was already a good thing. But then, slowly but steadily, the Techno folk re-gained their interest in Hardcore and harder sounds, too; and now that the "millennial dominance" of the Techno scene, together with their favoring of minimalist and dandy-esque sounds, is slowly fading away, a younger generation is taking over the scene, and that new generation is very, very hardcore.
This led to a renewed interest in the works of Marc Acardipane, his crew, and his output again, coming straight from the heart of the Techno world. Marc himself acknowledged this development in some of his interviews, and added that the Techno people are sometimes even more zealous and knowledgeable about this music than the die-hard old-school gabbers!
A very fine evolution indeed; and we hope Marc gets into the spotlight again because of this, and that he finally reaps the respect that he deserves!
But why is the Techno folk favoring him and his sound specifically - in fact, more than a lot of other "Hardcore" players? I think this is because - and now we cycle back to 1998's "The Wire" essay - his sound is *indeed* heavily connected to Techno. It's not just some ultra-aggressive, ultra-noisy Gabber outing. It's real, true, bona fide Techno music. More than that, it represents a "road not taken" in the history of Techno music. Because, when you go back to the advent of Techno, to Detroit, Chicago, Berlin, London, Frankfurt, there was always a Hardcore contingent. Hardcore was always part of the Techno spirit, it helped to shape and mold the Techno sound. Alas, as mentioned above, it got disowned, and it became almost "forbidden" to speak of this type of music within Techno circles.
A liminal space that always lingered next to the scene as time moved on; a place that people did not dare to enter.
All this is changing now again. And while "every boy and his dog" (i.e. zines, webcasts, music academies) had their own Marc Acardipane feature by now, focusing on his more Hardcore and Gabber output, we decided to do the very opposite here, and showcase the Techno tracks from the past days of the PCP oeuvre, released using a cornucopia of aliases.
Bon appetit!
Oh, and by the way: we very dearly love "I like it loud", too!
(This list is in no particular order)
1. The Mover - Over Land and Sea how can one not love this track? great techno beats, rhythms, groove... and then this cosmic, celestial arrangement in the middle... the beats come back in, and the dancefloor erupts into madness. the flip side ("underwater operations") is also very well worth a listen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuYMsR1Cae8
2. Cyborg Unknown - The Year 2001 (Deep in Detroit mix) this is going deep into the history of detroit techno indeed. it's not enough to be friends of the jaguar here, this track channels cybotron just as much as it does metroplex. funky!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2q4v8_YxbE
3. Trip Commando - Cross The White Line a techno behemoth of the most epic proportions. has probably one of the most elongated build ups in dance history, until the epic cinematic breakdown unfolds. highly recommended!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGWv1e2hBZk
4. Turbulence - Whurlstorm this was on the second release by Industrial Strength Records - a label that shaped Hardcore history, too. it starts as a nice little nasty techno track, until everything breaks apart in the mid-riff, and turns into a hurricane of bass frequncies.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sngue8baqPs
5. The Mover - Nightflight (Nonstop 2 Kaos) and this was on Industrial Strengh Records number one! As Lenny Dee licensed "We Have Arrived" (a fantastic hardcore track, to say the least) for his label, and put that number on the back side. a cold groove, percussion that almost feels like a breakbeat... lots of bass, cyber-synth.... this is just dancefloor heaven.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snnHspK1QYI
6. Countdown Part V - Untitled (A1) Countdown FFM is another sub-label to go for if one is looking for some technoid gems. stellar electronic intro, then we get into dance grooves, and things become more deviant as acid sounds sneak in.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfIL6OCtN3o
7. Alien Christ - Of Suns and Moons (Phase II) inspired by "Suburban Knights - The Art of Stalking" (a true classic, originally released on Transmat). Marc made this influence his own, and delivered a very detroit-ish underground rave anthem.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGmmDrQTyyY
8. The Mover & Lunatic Asylum – Frequency Surfers Lunatic Asylum aka "Dr. Macabre" is another person that was entwined with electronic music history while turning into a global player in the hardcore sector at a later date. this is a joint-venture of these two titans of techno, and the result is a very trippy, very twisted and surreal track.
(Cannot be found on youtube, but here are audio previews: https://www.toolboxrecords.com/en/product/17643/techno-hardtechno/dance-ecstasy-2025/ )
9. The Mover - Astral Demons (Original Mix) you should have realized by now: the mover is a synonym for high quality productions. this is one of my favorite pics from the legendary "frontal sickness" releases; and indeed adds a very demonic vibe to the whole dance thing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSMT2KdQt5Q
10. Rave Creator - A New Mind (Thai Acid Mix) "Thai" was a pcp sub that focused specifically on techno, acid, even a bit of trance-ish tracks. despite the alias, this was put out on DE 2001 instead. It's a remix of the famous "A New Mind" track.
starting with pure bass drones. it builds up very slowly, until thunderous, reverberated bass drums come in, and then it goes into full-on acid feeding. similar to "cross the white line", this track could be given the title "cinematic techno soundtrack".
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGpuMbLicZU
Honorable Mentions:
T-Bone Castro - Return 2 Planet E Reincarnated Regulator - Italian Stallion Craig Tayaffo - Reduction (Back For Acid-The Expanded 0,25 Hrs Mix) Barracuda - Braineaters Two Tonys - Organ Bitch Nasty Django - Ey Loco Cold Rush Records Frontal Sickness 1+2 Reincarnated Regulator - Mindeater Climax - Relax Nasty Django - 3 P Rules! SexDrive Entertainment - No.2 T-Bone Castro / Ace The Space - Ace In The Hole Project Æ - Whales Alive Ultra Spaceman - Ultra-Style
Footnotes: 1: The original Wire essay - http://reynoldsretro.blogspot.com/2015/03/marc-acardipane-mover-pcp-dance-ecstasy.html
2024.05.15 22:39 Still_Ad_4928 Of Hearts and Women Part-II (Book-Sample)
Not shared, nor my shade; but something to be weaved; just as the measure of disappointment became it's own solution. But I talked my way through things forbidden, just to find myself blind in bed with those who are dead. Clumsy, but altogether natural of course, because it's consciousness what you refer in the description, yet that's what we don't get a lot about. See your deeds the way you are seen, and then return to a restless place: and the question in-between sheets will be why. Well, I just can't motivate myself to work without hot bitches staring. And that's the truth. Sad but True
— Hearfelt comment for an instagram witch.
Del desprecio a ese descarte, no he visto muchas cosas. Así se pasa una más para las cuentas, y aquí otro más para los versos, por qué aquí no hemos sido vistos. Cuánto más querría uno, que sino lo cuentas ni mucho menos piensas: << lo de este pibe que cosa más horrible>>, haciendo eso lamentable, por qué en decirlo nadie ha mentido. ¡Es horrible! Que cara es entonces la cuenta de lo que le sale a uno vivir sin más complejos; mejor seria cobrarmelo, para así saber que de algo ha valido. Bloqueame.
— Heartfelt comment for a random supermodel-to-be.
The Spirit of Fire
Flames begone, flames in spite: their warmth I felt - so I closed my fist until I could feel the warmth of my blood in my hand. And in dreams Fire came up to me and said: who am I? And I said unto him: you are bound to my bidding, thus your name misery will be. But fire wretched as he was, got closer and asked: and who are you?
And I said unto him that the blood of David ran through my veins, as I was his heir; for the mother of God claim me from death as a son. So Fire tried me, and figured it out.
You are son of woman —said Fire unto me— but as Fire acknowledged the name, I extended my left hand, and took Fire by the neck throwing him into the gound. — You are going to lace yourself to the right hand of the beast, and you'll keep him steady, so I can cleanly take him down. And Fire stayed down, and with his forehead kissing the ground asked unto me —why would the heir of David do so to earthly man?
And I said unto Fire that the beast from the abyss had left no mother for God, so I was to leave none of his body left for his head; as I was going to make it bleed until the end of the end of times.
The Spirit of Earth
Shapeless and without body, but keen within her many numbers, Earth came up to me in dreams, and said: who am I? And posessed in spirit as I was, I said unto her, that God had made her maiden again, and that she shall become the coins that Judas never received, which were to become the due payment of man and women for the body of Christ. Then I extended my right hand, and grabbed Earth by her hair —which descended deep into the abysses of hell— and cut it short so the demons of Lilith would no longer had her gripped by her back.
You are now a woman, and I'm going to rise you from the grounds. You'll lace yourself to the left hand of the beast, and keep it steady so with one shot I can cleanly take him down.
The Spirit of Air
A dream shaped by written words, whispered down for years by the currents of this Montain, and it's requiem witnessed but by a few — the end of dreams. But from where I standed at the peak, I called upon the distant currents that went down, and asked them: who am I?
And Air came unto me as bird, which had thousands of letters for feathers, and in the tongue of dead men answered.
"Somebody who only a few will remember by strange deeds; as the burden on your back, is a past tainted by impossible dreams. You were a lunatic giving new names to folk, and folk never bothered to remember —so your name must be freak, as you died in a forgotten shack some short time ago."
And as Air said these things upon me, I called Misery —as I had dubbed Fire — and told him to get inside my shot. The burden as Air had said, became lesser as i took the shot from my quiver. And I said upon Misery; that he was to set ablaze this arrow, as I was taking down the bird of Britain, and that I would do so, so God would give the deeds of Earth some better names.
The Lord is making a bridge between the empire of strength, and the last empire of men. Now by God's grace, I'm making the tongue of free men, the tongue of Spain. You will be eventually bound to my bidding, and if not me, it will be to the one I'm preceding; for I'm giving you twenty years to attone your wrongdoing. Alas, now because of your wretchedness, my shot on earthly men won't be clean, for his left leg won't stay steady.
Your old name was apathy, now I'm calling you Cisma, which in the tongue of dead men means schism. So now by the will of God lay unto the ground and say the words you've been teached. And as the arrow blazed forward, it's bending motion pierced the veil hiding the secret ladder of men. The bird of Britain catched on Fire, and it's hollering resounded throught the ladders of the mountain until the depths of the abyss. A column of air turned into fire, then violenty erupted from the vowels of the bird, and the wild fire spread as a storm from west to east all throughout the five kingdoms of men away from its own fiery wings, with a gift of misery and a few words to say.
"The name of your woman or the name of your man, will no longer explain their purpose to a man, a woman, or God. Charred words written by thunder will now be the new ladder of men — but until then, darkness upon thee."
The House of Water
I head into the coasts, and the beautiful beaches in-between, to find the stranger who burns images in the skin of men. He is the stranger, and has adopted the body of a monster, and he is one who cannot be understood, so he went on to only go out home in stunts, for the burdens in his heart have become too great to bear. Through terrible pains he has given all he once was for an identity, and as I pick up on his past, i found familiarity in the feelings of his heart. Oh dear friend how we found looking in sadness to ourselves, after doing same but with different means, carrying into our shoulders the loneliness of this world. As you have in-skin the garments of the strange doctrine that I preach — I shall congrate you, for you truly have fought the world entire, for my doctrine is the words of those who shall defeat the world entire.
I may not have your strangeness in-body, but I have it in these words, and in the true feelings of my heart. And I say in admiration that there's no higher form of art, philosophy or religion: than those who perform the highest thing they can give a name about.
Now even within solitude, and at odds with what old dead men call God, I see you and I found strength in you, as I can see you are within me, and in that, you are within everything as it should be - as is meant in everyone who does something that touches the heart of another man. I call this the kingdom of God. Yet blind men and women will wonder how can the kingdom of God possibly be within two outcasts such as you and me.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Upong giving my regards and waiting for response, I found my way into a bench. It was a warm afternoon, and the wind carried the water of the sea. The bird of Britain came about down from the wind of north, and layed on the bench were I was sitting.
The bird asked: why hast thou become this?
And I said back to bird, scorched he was and nearing death, that it was me someone who was supposed to give names, yet for years I couldn't figure out one for myself. Then on went to being given a name, Alas all the wrong ones. Did Adan gave himself a name? - I asked the bird back. And there was no response from bird. Then I continued.
A man has the essence of his soul retained by what he is seen doing. Yet I did things nobody saw, so my soul wasn't with God but with something just as ancient, and nonetheless unknown by men in its true nature — then Satan as the better known devil, came about and pushed me into a hole. It was my own doing. Yet the things I did, I thought were seen. But nonetheless what I did was without contemplation on a posible return. Just as somebody who prints an image on their own skin. It's permanent. This is the essence of a memory in the soul of the man who's seen by others. But in the familiarity of a man who picked every irreversible decision like the Alien, I find myself feeling sympathy, for the man is still not what he has been seen doing, he shall redeem himself by what he decides to turn himself into.
Is this a way of saying that you want to get yourself a tattoo? Get a new look? - the bird mockingly asked.
And I gave the scorched bird no answer.
Then the bird said unto me: what about your career as a prophet, uh? And the things you said about returning with substance? Do you actually think this is substance?
And i considered what the Bird said, then I negated with a movement of my own head. It is not i answered, but i find the memories of me not making sense unbearable. For those mean the memories of a fool, un pendejo, an insane person, or both. And I will always try to amend what I don't do well. But now I wish for only one thing, and it is to be remembered as someone who makes sense, and who out of that sense, made good upon the world. I don't expect anything in return for what I do now, as it is merely an outlet to keep me sane while I finish editing my work. It's clear I'm too incompetent to be a competent influencer. As for once, I don't care about influencing anyone into what I think; but to perform what I think it's important.
Then every proverbial student is free to take classes so as they see fit, and to interpret such classes as their comprehension gives them grasp of what it's said. In such regard, this is what I offer now, while I make the journey to Madrid. And the bird tilted it's head so as to observe me with his left eye, then after a long impasse, it made a loud and painful caw, and finally flew away. Soon after the bird flew, I looked upon the stars in the nascent night, and confessed to them, that it was the memories of who we were, what often stumps us into wrong beliefs of who we should be, maybe even wasting an entire lifetime retained by that which other people remembered us as being. But we are not the owners of our own names, the place we go, and our destiny. That's the biggest lie the western world of hollywood heros tell you, as in truth is collective agreement what determines what we look like doing and thus the meaning we should comfort to, recalling that names are practical mechanisms to remember the purpose of things, their meaning, and how their motion is described in the world.
But making the task of beating that collective belief, akin to the Nietzschean ideal of the camel turning into the lion, so as to transform it's spirit and become something else. But if it's the golden dragon of all the huamn values which judges you insane, will you be prepared to wrestle with the entire culture so as to have your way?
As I layed my eyes upon each star counting up to the number seventeen, I confessed of being scared of those beliefs, as revisiting the past, became a painful deed — and as I prepared to leave, I uttered one wish on the seventeenth point in the sky.
Lord please grant me strength, the way you have given my friend strenght.
2.
The night deepen, while the sea tide sang its own song of breathing. Some time passed, and then on the stranger showed himself approaching at the distance. I waved my hand at him, and after the instant, he found his way into my bench while I welcomed him with an extended fist which he casually bumped - after the short acknowledgement the dark alien looked at my face in between it's cover of dark, and looking at it undiscernable in its true features, with suspicion asked.
— What is it that you want?
I acknowledged him as a friend, then mentioned my brief research, as I had come to know him as man looking for a job, yet nobody would hire for things mundane due to his appearance. I listened closely to the news, and came to understand that this was a man looking for a second chance.Then I saw the intent behind his doing, and two words came to stick to my own thoughts. The first one was <> and the second one was <>. I was admired.
In analytical psychology I figured this man was the ESFP —the personality archetype related to the performer and the entertainer—, possessed in an abnormal way by the spirit by which a person submits to it's contrary nature, seeking to integrate and find fulfillment through the chase of what's perceived absent. If he was the ESFP then doing the flip by following the radial axis of each Jungian function in the stack towards their opposite resulted in the INTJ. The mastermind. The architect. The genius yet awfully complex individual. That was the elusive spirit he was chasing.
But a spirit and a character that at its most pronounced embodiment in a person, would experience life as an eternal foreigner hiding from the light of other men. Such made sense to me, for I myself was the INTJ, and had at spirit the ESFP. Him. So where as this man chased the spiritual fulfillment of being a complex and deep individual, I chased the fulfillment of becoming simpler, so I could demonstrate with action the deepest desires of my heart. One who was born plentiful in means to be liked, becomes complex, mysterious and uncomprehended, meeting one who will be seen trying to make sense becoming simpler. For Carl Jung portrayed the anima and animus of individuals, as the sense of what its absent, yet deeply cherished an valued. So I said these things to the alien, while he silently listened to me.
— All of that sounds like bullshit to me. -Said the alien after some contemplation .— Sorry but the things you say, don't mean anything to me.
And alas for I expected such response, as if one thing was true about this journey, was that explaining the journey in and of itself would become it's grimmest task. I affirmated what he just said with a slight nod of head.
— These things I say and how they relate to each other, in its excercise are similar to doing stecheometric balance with equations in the head, but simpler I'm afraid. - Then I paused, looked back into the sea, and continued. — That's high school chemistry, but I don't expect everybody to pick up on it, nor like it, nor understand it.
— Now i have called you a friend, and where I came from we dub with this title the people we share destiny with. As far as I'm concerned, we are chasing the same thing, which is the hardest posible thing. We both innately understand that we are not home, as we want our spirit to return to us, and that's not what a lot of people ever honestly try to attempt in a lifetime; as such is anyone's call to feel complete.
— And very few people ever reach true individuality, beyond the name they are imposed at birth.
Then I looked into the black alien, and in-between his foreign facial features, I interpreted something familiar. Disturbance. And I continued.
— We have given ourselves hell as we lived chasing something hard, so we can avoid the same hell later on when we are finally back to our own house. This is a christian precept, altought a rundimentary one. Does that makes sense to you?
And after listening such, the black alien calmly looked at the veil in my face in silence. Trying to discern what my face actually looked like, but the night was dark. Then turned his stare back to the reflection of the moon over the waters, giving some thought to what I just said. I opened up my backpack, and drawed two cans of beer from it. Offered one to him, and he silently refused with a gesture of hand. I popped my can and gave it a sip, while I myself stared at the tides coming in and out of the shore.
— If you wan't a tattoo, we can work that out. But this sounds annoyingly familiar, and my interest is not religious. Are you religious?
I nodded in affirmation, and complemented saying. — But my doctrine is something nobody has heard nor seen. For its aim, is doing as Christ said, in perfect means. Yet its true that the teaching fits you, as it's the teaching of the future man; and there's nothing in common between the current man and the future man, as they may very well be different species. This is the precept of evolution.
The alien seemed surprised.
— These two men don't know each other, for the current man doesn't know where the future man comes from, for he himself doesn't know where he is going. Yet in deep realization of your own artistic concept, I think you might want new ideas to meet with your appearance. So tell me, are you curious about what truly happens to a man after he dies? Do you want to learn how to read someone's mind? Do you want to blast with words of fire the hearts of an amazed crowd?
But the black alien broke his calm contemplation of what I was saying, and slighty disturbed, aggressively rebuked after hearing such.
— But you mentioned 'Christ', so you must be christian. How can a christian even say anything interesting in this current time? Last time I asked, their sayings were dreaded by restriction - so why would anyone condemn themselves to a life of bore? Are you a christian?
And I nodded after the question, in silence. Admittedly, for I knew what the problem was with being what I was, and my new companion was bang on identifying it. Made a pause, then raised my sight to where it met with the sky and the stars in it, and I said back to him.
— I am, but not one of a type you have ever seen, for the Christ that comes, is a Christ of art.
2.
The riptide sang, in its secret dialect of earth and sea. I looked upon the coast, turned an eye blind, and saw the ocean as the scorpio, and the land as the taurus; as it was the struggle between two lovers, never meant to consume each other. Ideal love then - yet not to confuse with this partnership as it was whimsilcally tied by the means in which i arranged my current conversation; for my lady somewhere waited for me. Then i allowed my eyes to rest still.
The alien looked upon me, undiscernable in my intentions, and again figured for himself that my interest towards him wasn’t clear. In suspicion, and after the moment he collected his thoughts asked “In your weird words you dubbed me performer, so what is it exactly that you wan’t from me. To me it seems like you are gathering people for some form of religious clown show. When you forced this meeting upon me, was this a proposal you thought i would find amusement in?”. And after the statement my own stare wandered in my conversation partner. While as he had his say, i returned to my can of beer, and finished it with a long gulp. Tempered in an unwillingness to fall to my new found friend irritation, i said within my own thoughts: “The alien looks easy going, but he is barbed in wit”.
Then i opened the can of beer that the stranger rejected; the loud pop resounded in the relative silence, interrupting for a moment the steady chorus of the sea. Gave it a long sip, and said.
– Theres no proposal in place yet. But im certain of something, and that is that both of us are messed individuals which reached the bottom doing the same thing - but the way my understandment of the human soul goes: two people can act by mere interaction as reactives to each other, creating a new chemical compound after the fact.
– This new psychology is very much like chemistry. But it is not my intention to draw you into something, but to pull myself out of this «something» by doing right on another person and maybe that person reflecting the good back on me. I just need a conversation partner, thats all. And i will do this with you, and with many people more. Presidents included.
The alien reflected on it, and after the hiatus of a long standing position of suspicion he finally gave in, and eased up with a slight smile. A strange smile of relief. But the smile, was all too familiar for me, as i realized the man was a tortured individual: a person in long standing pain. I smiled back the way he did, and continued.
– Our pain has a common name, and is a name that can be written with words unfortunately. It’s the devilish mother of all spiritual ills and its foundation, rests at the concept of a past that wasnt solved. It’s called «inadequeacy», and for people like you and me, understanding one day that such inadecuacy had to be solved by our own means, lead us into an act where our name changed as the changes in our cover up act to solve our inadequacy did.
– We never honored the past or the present in our pursuit, as we desired in passion to find solution to the present, by matching it into the idealization of some future without ever realizing that the old or present essence of ones being would be crushed into non existance by said future.
– Then we found the realization of that new name, only to understand that its demands became a tyranny on the other faces of our soul: as our soul is not something that can be undestood in unity, but something that conceives in the beginning in multiple things which try to give shape to one thing. Theres many people in a village, and our minds, are no exception.
— But happiness is only achieved by those who have their soul entire - or those who are the same person regardless of the context and scenario. And we gave to much to somebody that wasn't us, as our spirit took possession and lead us down.
– This is this the essence by which someone goes to hell, only to do one thing over again, getting an ever lasting pain for all the things that were given up chasing that which was absent. The more someone is forced into being shaped by the thing that was concevied in lust, the more the individual misses the place they used to call home, for that is no longer within ones reach. Does this makes sense to you?
The alien left me with no answer, and as he contemplated the sea, a tear travelled through his strange face.
– In this state of anguish, affliction rarely ever feels company, as the very individual condition that was pursued, became a full suit and persona to be forced upon and wear. Hell, is one lonely place man because we only learn to speak a language, that only makes sense to ourselves. But i think we can find a way out of it. This is why I'm here.
“Look, what you’ve done, it’s not something i can see the way you can see my own doing on me.” The alien replied. “Besides the way in which i canno’t see your face in this night, you seem ordinary — but what you talk and the way you say it, evokes in every word regret. What is it that you’ve done that has you regret like this?”
As the alien finished speaking, I emptied the can of beer, layed my eyes on the irregular grooves that my feet had left on the sand, and then replied back to him, after making a recap of the story i had repeatedly told myself after falling down.
“My story, is the fairy tale of a guy who makes way for the new coming of a new man; a better man for the world, while he casts disarray upon the earth: much to his dismay, at the expense of his own soul as the people who become victims of disasters, were ones who this man deemed unfair; cruel, evil, despicable in past. That was at the beginning."
"Theres a pile of corpses behind that character — even in covid time, people as close as the local priest of the small town he lived in, would break their neck after falling in the shower, as he had the slightest suspicion of their secret deeds. All clean deads for that matter. Untraceable to nothing but sheer randomness. Magic as it seeems. But were this folk truly evil people or even guilty of anything? You may ask - the man never knew it for sure, as he never had faculties such as godly omniscience to actually know it; which has taken a toll on him, as the burden of justice is an unberable one for anything but a god."
"Which leads to another point: spontaneously picturing random numbers in the head, associating them with psychological compounds by angular momentum, and actually being bang on the suspicion. Truth friend, in its stochastic presentation: it's unberable.”
“Consequential of such attempts to rationalize his own story in the eyes of people such as close family, my dude became clinically diagnosed with referenced thinking. Which are fancy words for schizophrenia. Nobody believed the story as it was uttered."
"Yet the consequences are there for everyone to see, altought not visible in their cause and effect by anybody but this guy, which lead him first into regret over ever starting his quest as a reformer; and then repent.”
“Now before he realized of this lets call it «curse», he preached for years over the internet as the disasters started to slowly creep up. He preached in a fashion parallel to Niestzches Zarathustra; Zarathustra meaning a famous philosophical device artificied by the philosopher Niestzche, who’s aim was to portray the best posible man, as something he dubbed the <<Übermensch>> ”.
“Such concept being the seemingly more elegant brand of a humanist ideal for a not so distant future: today - albeit a wrong one, for this guy was not dyonisian himself. The backbone of his framework, is analytical psycholgy becoming a chariot for a true understandment of human nature: and ultimately a facilitator for love within light: not within ignorance; not within darkness. Most philosophers today though would mock anything analytical in it's aim."
"Then on the guy preached and dwelved further into the relative hole of his own doctrine: and became imprisoned by what he didn’t got right at first attempt, making him in the process the character that Nietzsche from the comfort of his own writers seat, never attempted to actually embody within realistic means: eventually figuring out within himself the ultimate Nietzschean aristocrat: a magic pen granted by being capetian by mother: from judah by father."
"But Alas, you have no idea how common suicide is within philosophers after they finish their best work. As language, becomes the ultimate barrier for understandment, and then to ones capacity to feel love. Difference — true saliency in ones individual destiny— leads to the gravest posible pain. Ironic isn’t it?”
“Besides technical work with a new form of psychology inspired by analytical chemistry, as that drawed from his efforts during the light of day, five years ago, once he felt the urge to try to reach out to the world from a position of what he deemed was greater understandment: he primitively preached during night his new set of ideas for people to behave beyond the limitations of manipulative psychology, albeit a harsh doctrine meant to clear the way for a better product: Christ himself."
"This is not a doctrine a human being can actually perform, as such its christianity at its highest capacity to bear fruit. It’s an impossible doctrine, yet solves the oldest problem posed in the bible. All which sounds very sci-fi bullshit-y but actual problems started for the protagonist in this tale, when the preaching matched with terrible consequences. Not figurative, but within tangible reality.”
“So just as we talk, theres a small legion of hackers pretending to be doing internet social experiments while talking in an artsy matter: much in my own style, entertaining the exact same concepts - a legion of dangerous monkeys, i have no control over."
"One of the many unexpected consequences being this, yet prompted by something evil; ancient: essentially replicating what my protagonist developed and then preached over the years, while these "hacktivists" lay their attention on things and people, as they select them and enforce upon them strict surveillance, to behave properly. Then to destroy them, as they did in 2020 with many corporations and institutions.A bizarre combination of theater actors to my own liking, and then cyber-security demigods: omniscient in their claims to surveill, and they are - derivative such of another device of what I've done; which is to build a theater so people can make-believe that they are infact performing within themselves something greater - but that's matter for another story."
“Most of the corpses piling up flat out dead, have no relation to him whatsoever; they became victims as my protagonist took measures to fight back the monster he found at the foundation of the known world. This is not an elaborate analogy for one's own unseen capacity for evil, as i mean this: a monster as literally as it can be. For these things friend, im doomed as in true strenght, i have nothing but the pen i use to write down what i think albeit always at danger of it’s eventual inversion. I have no real friends left. Not one who can understand, or help bear the pain: as friendship and love are all gated by understandment."
"The full story has many more vertients, but i think i’ve done it enough justice. This is the predicament of an insane man chased by his own shadow as he builds a better man: one who delivers heavenly things, and then a shadow stringed to deliver tyranny as the very strings behind him make the better man stumble while he tries to keep a grasp of his own spirit, and then of his own soul."
"That monster behind, is wicked smart — and cannot be outwitted nor overpowered but anything but divine smite."
“I’m heading now to a new country, to try to get friends from the only institution in the world who knows and adresses the current times being, and who by extension, might believe me. And to clarify, these being the end of times; but not the end of the world. Yet now i myself have a damocles sword pending over my own head, and i need to do something about it before it falls.”
And as i said these things, i reached out to my backpack drawing a third can of beer from it — besides my own super laptop, thats what my backpack had: an infinite supply of beer. Corona, Indio, Victoria, Dos Equis, Heineken; you name it. I popped the can, and gave it a long and definite sip as i emptied it complete.
The alien didn't try to show that he understood, but stood still in silence, with his sight in the sand below and pressing lips, knowing by my demeanor; that these things as I've said them was something that I needed to do. Then he said: "I don't follow man. You say you preach and then disasters occur. Like a prophet from the bible?"
"Yes. Then I preached to get rid of the things that are actually making the world worse, and something awoke soon after, and since then; everything I do is subject to being misinterpreted due to the diffamatory action of this thing. Now everytime I do something, it can be twisted and turned against my original intent. Right now the hackers are my worst problem: I may have a degree in computers but I have no fucking idea whatsoever of hacking. I earn my living as an A.I engineer.".
The alien raised his sight to meet with mine, and after doing some contemplation on the fact, quite simply said: "You are insane". Then lowered his own sight, and raised it again to meet with the sea and continued. "If you want a tattoo, we can work that out. But either way and whatever parts of your story are true and even worse; the ones you may be lying about: you sound dangerous in a delusional kind of sense, and my life is hard enough as is."
I pressed my fists, knowing then the old same thing had happened again. For I had never forced anything upon anybody, and I was willing to respect that until the bitter end. Then I released the build up of frustration with a loud sigh, and after this amend, I replied back.
"I understand and respect it. But let me just propose you that if you ever want to figure what is beyond life as it's lived by person who has never seen what is like to be someone you write a great story about; you can pin me, and I'll show you what's beyond that door. Give it some thought."
The alien; The Black Alien Project stayed there sitting, spechless but calm, almost expecting something else to be convinced about. But pointless, for i knew that nobody can be forced into anything without bringing a transgression into play – and i wasn’t one to taint myself in sin if it could be avoided. Not anymore.
3.
I made the distance at steady pace walking along the shore, until i found a small group of pines in-between the liminal space of the beach and the land. I sat with one of the pines trunk behind my back, and drawed the Schizo Pills from my eternal supply of traveller goodies.
Quetiapine 100 mg, and Olanzapine 10 mg, i made a smaller fragment from the olanzapine pill, and swallowed both complete. As their side effects were concerned, they would soon knock me out of conscience, as this little ritual was my own way of calling the day complete – then i layed there, vigilant, waiting for my own drowsiness to claim me into sleep - but the Bird of Britan came flying from above, and stood besides me.
\Chirp, Chirp, Chirp**
I watched the bird, annoyed, as its presence had become an omen for contempt. For me and the death people of my past. I frowned upon the little shit, and said nothing. The bird made a little nod, while tilting its head in excentricity the way birds do, and replied. — Hey Andrew!, do you remember when you tried to penetrate your own computer to make a universe grow inside of it? I just wan’t to know something: did your computer moan? Did it finally learnt how to scream your name?
\Chirp Chirp**
Ignoring the bird, i closed my eyes and stayed like that for a long moment, hoping to make the bird think i was asleep. Maybe that would make him leave.
— Can’t bullshit me like that Sweetheart. So please tell me something; why don’t you command one of your supermodels; these muses, to come here and warm the bed for you. It's a cold night and you seem lonely brah
. \Chirp Chirp**
I opened my eyes, and irritated, pointed menacingly at the bird turning my left hand into an imaginary gun. I had already failed at something today, and wasn’t convinced i needed the memory of the things i failed at before. Not now.
Said nothing.
"No longer care for love unless it's between good friends”. Said to myself. There was certainly a migraine coming, but maybe my dreams would help convince it otherwise. And as far as the hoes were concerned, Furious Angels would be there for them. Like the Rob Dougan song.
4.
Found my own mind after the slumber – asleep, then awake. I realized several hours passed - at least enough to wake up and witness the sun rise above the sea. But as for dreams, the light veil of their memories wasn't something to rely upon. But i did remember something, and it was some overtone in dread; an atmosphere of fear – and a kind of dread sustained in it’s inevitability by the urgency that builds upon dearth.
Now what exactly was it though? I couldn’t remember from my dreams, but ever since i falled to my own death i had always present in mind the future succesion of events that would follow when things started to go very wrong. Iran, the U.S, Israel - now whatever was it in the news; the outcome would be the same. A thousand more cuts to an already languishing economy. Make that corpse bleed, and then fall off a cliff.
As such things would be cooked, just as the bird of britain. The bird was still there though: just in pieces and roasted like the contents of a dropped KFC bucket would. But the little shit would return - as it always did. The economy? Not so much.
Yet i digress. None of the world circumstances mattered as far i was concerned – i had built a small and portable solar system to power my laptop, and my beer supply was well, infinite - i made myself sure that i had my needs covered whatever happened around me. Not tied to even a house for that matter. I incorporated myself and gave my back a stretch. The morning breeze coming from the sea evocated in my memories some time that had long passed – late childhood. I rejected those memories as they beared with them things i didnt wan’t to remember - then wen’t on as usual in my morning routine scrolling through my instagram feed, figuring if there were any new hoes to maybe motivate me into doing my God imposed labour.
Labour which was to either write, or to finish the House of Water — then after scrolling i did in fact saw a new hoe; i dropped a Faux Pas comment. Maybe she would play along, maybe not. Whatever. Sometimes I would put in a lot of effort to do a rhyme. But the effort depended on the insta-hoe in question. I know. Not the best of habits, but back in elementary school i was the kind of kid that would only get motivation when the girls in the classroom were present in physEd. And then i would run faster: whole lotta faster. Run Forrest! Run! Women love used to fuel me; and the habit sticked — and at the moment, i was kinda done with the idea of female trascendence. Would rely on their love, but not on their validation. Not like a simp. Fuck that.
Furthermore, what results did i demonstrably mustered after pursuing true egalitarianism and sharing it? Exactly. A bitch gonna do what a bitch gonna do, and so does the human female. After publishing the comment, I locked my phone and walked towards the highway, as i was planning to pay a visit to somebody long forgotten - I had kind of a schedule that i was going to follow, before taking the plane to Madrid and become hispanic Jon Snow from the walgreens Nightwatch.
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— Hearfelt comment for an instagram witch.
Del desprecio a ese descarte, no he visto muchas cosas. Así se pasa una más para las cuentas, y aquí otro más para los versos, por qué aquí no hemos sido vistos. Cuánto más querría uno, que sino lo cuentas ni mucho menos piensas: << lo de este pibe que cosa más horrible>>, haciendo eso lamentable, por qué en decirlo nadie ha mentido. ¡Es horrible! Que cara es entonces la cuenta de lo que le sale a uno vivir sin más complejos; mejor seria cobrarmelo, para así saber que de algo ha valido. Bloqueame.
— Heartfelt comment for a random supermodel-to-be.
The Spirit of Fire
Flames begone, flames in spite: their warmth I felt - so I closed my fist until I could feel the warmth of my blood in my hand. And in dreams Fire came up to me and said: who am I? And I said unto him: you are bound to my bidding, thus your name misery will be. But fire wretched as he was, got closer and asked: and who are you?
And I said unto him that the blood of David ran through my veins, as I was his heir; for the mother of God claim me from death as a son. So Fire tried me, and figured it out.
You are son of woman —said Fire unto me— but as Fire acknowledged the name, I extended my left hand, and took Fire by the neck throwing him into the gound. — You are going to lace yourself to the right hand of the beast, and you'll keep him steady, so I can cleanly take him down. And Fire stayed down, and with his forehead kissing the ground asked unto me —why would the heir of David do so to earthly man?
And I said unto Fire that the beast from the abyss had left no mother for God, so I was to leave none of his body left for his head; as I was going to make it bleed until the end of the end of times.
The Spirit of Earth
Shapeless and without body, but keen within her many numbers, Earth came up to me in dreams, and said: who am I? And posessed in spirit as I was, I said unto her, that God had made her maiden again, and that she shall become the coins that Judas never received, which were to become the due payment of man and women for the body of Christ. Then I extended my right hand, and grabbed Earth by her hair —which descended deep into the abysses of hell— and cut it short so the demons of Lilith would no longer had her gripped by her back.
You are now a woman, and I'm going to rise you from the grounds. You'll lace yourself to the left hand of the beast, and keep it steady so with one shot I can cleanly take him down.
The Spirit of Air
A dream shaped by written words, whispered down for years by the currents of this Montain, and it's requiem witnessed but by a few — the end of dreams. But from where I standed at the peak, I called upon the distant currents that went down, and asked them: who am I?
And Air came unto me as bird, which had thousands of letters for feathers, and in the tongue of dead men answered.
"Somebody who only a few will remember by strange deeds; as the burden on your back, is a past tainted by impossible dreams. You were a lunatic giving new names to folk, and folk never bothered to remember —so your name must be freak, as you died in a forgotten shack some short time ago."
And as Air said these things upon me, I called Misery —as I had dubbed Fire — and told him to get inside my shot. The burden as Air had said, became lesser as i took the shot from my quiver. And I said upon Misery; that he was to set ablaze this arrow, as I was taking down the bird of Britain, and that I would do so, so God would give the deeds of Earth some better names.
The Lord is making a bridge between the empire of strength, and the last empire of men. Now by God's grace, I'm making the tongue of free men, the tongue of Spain. You will be eventually bound to my bidding, and if not me, it will be to the one I'm preceding; for I'm giving you twenty years to attone your wrongdoing. Alas, now because of your wretchedness, my shot on earthly men won't be clean, for his left leg won't stay steady.
Your old name was apathy, now I'm calling you Cisma, which in the tongue of dead men means schism. So now by the will of God lay unto the ground and say the words you've been teached. And as the arrow blazed forward, it's bending motion pierced the veil hiding the secret ladder of men. The bird of Britain catched on Fire, and it's hollering resounded throught the ladders of the mountain until the depths of the abyss. A column of air turned into fire, then violenty erupted from the vowels of the bird, and the wild fire spread as a storm from west to east all throughout the five kingdoms of men away from its own fiery wings, with a gift of misery and a few words to say.
"The name of your woman or the name of your man, will no longer explain their purpose to a man, a woman, or God. Charred words written by thunder will now be the new ladder of men — but until then, darkness upon thee."
The House of Water
I head into the coasts, and the beautiful beaches in-between, to find the stranger who burns images in the skin of men. He is the stranger, and has adopted the body of a monster, and he is one who cannot be understood, so he went on to only go out home in stunts, for the burdens in his heart have become too great to bear. Through terrible pains he has given all he once was for an identity, and as I pick up on his past, i found familiarity in the feelings of his heart. Oh dear friend how we found looking in sadness to ourselves, after doing same but with different means, carrying into our shoulders the loneliness of this world. As you have in-skin the garments of the strange doctrine that I preach — I shall congrate you, for you truly have fought the world entire, for my doctrine is the words of those who shall defeat the world entire.
I may not have your strangeness in-body, but I have it in these words, and in the true feelings of my heart. And I say in admiration that there's no higher form of art, philosophy or religion: than those who perform the highest thing they can give a name about.
Now even within solitude, and at odds with what old dead men call God, I see you and I found strength in you, as I can see you are within me, and in that, you are within everything as it should be - as is meant in everyone who does something that touches the heart of another man. I call this the kingdom of God. Yet blind men and women will wonder how can the kingdom of God possibly be within two outcasts such as you and me.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Upong giving my regards and waiting for response, I found my way into a bench. It was a warm afternoon, and the wind carried the water of the sea. The bird of Britain came about down from the wind of north, and layed on the bench were I was sitting.
The bird asked: why hast thou become this?
And I said back to bird, scorched he was and nearing death, that it was me someone who was supposed to give names, yet for years I couldn't figure out one for myself. Then on went to being given a name, Alas all the wrong ones. Did Adan gave himself a name? - I asked the bird back. And there was no response from bird. Then I continued.
A man has the essence of his soul retained by what he is seen doing. Yet I did things nobody saw, so my soul wasn't with God but with something just as ancient, and nonetheless unknown by men in its true nature — then Satan as the better known devil, came about and pushed me into a hole. It was my own doing. Yet the things I did, I thought were seen. But nonetheless what I did was without contemplation on a posible return. Just as somebody who prints an image on their own skin. It's permanent. This is the essence of a memory in the soul of the man who's seen by others. But in the familiarity of a man who picked every irreversible decision like the Alien, I find myself feeling sympathy, for the man is still not what he has been seen doing, he shall redeem himself by what he decides to turn himself into.
Is this a way of saying that you want to get yourself a tattoo? Get a new look? - the bird mockingly asked.
And I gave the scorched bird no answer.
Then the bird said unto me: what about your career as a prophet, uh? And the things you said about returning with substance? Do you actually think this is substance?
And i considered what the Bird said, then I negated with a movement of my own head. It is not i answered, but i find the memories of me not making sense unbearable. For those mean the memories of a fool, un pendejo, an insane person, or both. And I will always try to amend what I don't do well. But now I wish for only one thing, and it is to be remembered as someone who makes sense, and who out of that sense, made good upon the world. I don't expect anything in return for what I do now, as it is merely an outlet to keep me sane while I finish editing my work. It's clear I'm too incompetent to be a competent influencer. As for once, I don't care about influencing anyone into what I think; but to perform what I think it's important.
Then every proverbial student is free to take classes so as they see fit, and to interpret such classes as their comprehension gives them grasp of what it's said. In such regard, this is what I offer now, while I make the journey to Madrid. And the bird tilted it's head so as to observe me with his left eye, then after a long impasse, it made a loud and painful caw, and finally flew away. Soon after the bird flew, I looked upon the stars in the nascent night, and confessed to them, that it was the memories of who we were, what often stumps us into wrong beliefs of who we should be, maybe even wasting an entire lifetime retained by that which other people remembered us as being. But we are not the owners of our own names, the place we go, and our destiny. That's the biggest lie the western world of hollywood heros tell you, as in truth is collective agreement what determines what we look like doing and thus the meaning we should comfort to, recalling that names are practical mechanisms to remember the purpose of things, their meaning, and how their motion is described in the world.
But making the task of beating that collective belief, akin to the Nietzschean ideal of the camel turning into the lion, so as to transform it's spirit and become something else. But if it's the golden dragon of all the huamn values which judges you insane, will you be prepared to wrestle with the entire culture so as to have your way?
As I layed my eyes upon each star counting up to the number seventeen, I confessed of being scared of those beliefs, as revisiting the past, became a painful deed — and as I prepared to leave, I uttered one wish on the seventeenth point in the sky.
Lord please grant me strength, the way you have given my friend strenght.
2.
The night deepen, while the sea tide sang its own song of breathing. Some time passed, and then on the stranger showed himself approaching at the distance. I waved my hand at him, and after the instant, he found his way into my bench while I welcomed him with an extended fist which he casually bumped - after the short acknowledgement the dark alien looked at my face in between it's cover of dark, and looking at it undiscernable in its true features, with suspicion asked.
— What is it that you want?
I acknowledged him as a friend, then mentioned my brief research, as I had come to know him as man looking for a job, yet nobody would hire for things mundane due to his appearance. I listened closely to the news, and came to understand that this was a man looking for a second chance.Then I saw the intent behind his doing, and two words came to stick to my own thoughts. The first one was <
In analytical psychology I figured this man was the ESFP —the personality archetype related to the performer and the entertainer—, possessed in an abnormal way by the spirit by which a person submits to it's contrary nature, seeking to integrate and find fulfillment through the chase of what's perceived absent. If he was the ESFP then doing the flip by following the radial axis of each Jungian function in the stack towards their opposite resulted in the INTJ. The mastermind. The architect. The genius yet awfully complex individual. That was the elusive spirit he was chasing.
But a spirit and a character that at its most pronounced embodiment in a person, would experience life as an eternal foreigner hiding from the light of other men. Such made sense to me, for I myself was the INTJ, and had at spirit the ESFP. Him. So where as this man chased the spiritual fulfillment of being a complex and deep individual, I chased the fulfillment of becoming simpler, so I could demonstrate with action the deepest desires of my heart. One who was born plentiful in means to be liked, becomes complex, mysterious and uncomprehended, meeting one who will be seen trying to make sense becoming simpler. For Carl Jung portrayed the anima and animus of individuals, as the sense of what its absent, yet deeply cherished an valued. So I said these things to the alien, while he silently listened to me.
— All of that sounds like bullshit to me. -Said the alien after some contemplation .— Sorry but the things you say, don't mean anything to me.
And alas for I expected such response, as if one thing was true about this journey, was that explaining the journey in and of itself would become it's grimmest task. I affirmated what he just said with a slight nod of head.
— These things I say and how they relate to each other, in its excercise are similar to doing stecheometric balance with equations in the head, but simpler I'm afraid. - Then I paused, looked back into the sea, and continued. — That's high school chemistry, but I don't expect everybody to pick up on it, nor like it, nor understand it.
— Now i have called you a friend, and where I came from we dub with this title the people we share destiny with. As far as I'm concerned, we are chasing the same thing, which is the hardest posible thing. We both innately understand that we are not home, as we want our spirit to return to us, and that's not what a lot of people ever honestly try to attempt in a lifetime; as such is anyone's call to feel complete.
— And very few people ever reach true individuality, beyond the name they are imposed at birth.
Then I looked into the black alien, and in-between his foreign facial features, I interpreted something familiar. Disturbance. And I continued.
— We have given ourselves hell as we lived chasing something hard, so we can avoid the same hell later on when we are finally back to our own house. This is a christian precept, altought a rundimentary one. Does that makes sense to you?
And after listening such, the black alien calmly looked at the veil in my face in silence. Trying to discern what my face actually looked like, but the night was dark. Then turned his stare back to the reflection of the moon over the waters, giving some thought to what I just said. I opened up my backpack, and drawed two cans of beer from it. Offered one to him, and he silently refused with a gesture of hand. I popped my can and gave it a sip, while I myself stared at the tides coming in and out of the shore.
— If you wan't a tattoo, we can work that out. But this sounds annoyingly familiar, and my interest is not religious. Are you religious?
I nodded in affirmation, and complemented saying. — But my doctrine is something nobody has heard nor seen. For its aim, is doing as Christ said, in perfect means. Yet its true that the teaching fits you, as it's the teaching of the future man; and there's nothing in common between the current man and the future man, as they may very well be different species. This is the precept of evolution.
The alien seemed surprised.
— These two men don't know each other, for the current man doesn't know where the future man comes from, for he himself doesn't know where he is going. Yet in deep realization of your own artistic concept, I think you might want new ideas to meet with your appearance. So tell me, are you curious about what truly happens to a man after he dies? Do you want to learn how to read someone's mind? Do you want to blast with words of fire the hearts of an amazed crowd?
But the black alien broke his calm contemplation of what I was saying, and slighty disturbed, aggressively rebuked after hearing such.
— But you mentioned 'Christ', so you must be christian. How can a christian even say anything interesting in this current time? Last time I asked, their sayings were dreaded by restriction - so why would anyone condemn themselves to a life of bore? Are you a christian?
And I nodded after the question, in silence. Admittedly, for I knew what the problem was with being what I was, and my new companion was bang on identifying it. Made a pause, then raised my sight to where it met with the sky and the stars in it, and I said back to him.
— I am, but not one of a type you have ever seen, for the Christ that comes, is a Christ of art.
2.
The riptide sang, in its secret dialect of earth and sea. I looked upon the coast, turned an eye blind, and saw the ocean as the scorpio, and the land as the taurus; as it was the struggle between two lovers, never meant to consume each other. Ideal love then - yet not to confuse with this partnership as it was whimsilcally tied by the means in which i arranged my current conversation; for my lady somewhere waited for me. Then i allowed my eyes to rest still.
The alien looked upon me, undiscernable in my intentions, and again figured for himself that my interest towards him wasn’t clear. In suspicion, and after the moment he collected his thoughts asked “In your weird words you dubbed me performer, so what is it exactly that you wan’t from me. To me it seems like you are gathering people for some form of religious clown show. When you forced this meeting upon me, was this a proposal you thought i would find amusement in?”. And after the statement my own stare wandered in my conversation partner. While as he had his say, i returned to my can of beer, and finished it with a long gulp. Tempered in an unwillingness to fall to my new found friend irritation, i said within my own thoughts: “The alien looks easy going, but he is barbed in wit”.
Then i opened the can of beer that the stranger rejected; the loud pop resounded in the relative silence, interrupting for a moment the steady chorus of the sea. Gave it a long sip, and said.
– Theres no proposal in place yet. But im certain of something, and that is that both of us are messed individuals which reached the bottom doing the same thing - but the way my understandment of the human soul goes: two people can act by mere interaction as reactives to each other, creating a new chemical compound after the fact.
– This new psychology is very much like chemistry. But it is not my intention to draw you into something, but to pull myself out of this «something» by doing right on another person and maybe that person reflecting the good back on me. I just need a conversation partner, thats all. And i will do this with you, and with many people more. Presidents included.
The alien reflected on it, and after the hiatus of a long standing position of suspicion he finally gave in, and eased up with a slight smile. A strange smile of relief. But the smile, was all too familiar for me, as i realized the man was a tortured individual: a person in long standing pain. I smiled back the way he did, and continued.
– Our pain has a common name, and is a name that can be written with words unfortunately. It’s the devilish mother of all spiritual ills and its foundation, rests at the concept of a past that wasnt solved. It’s called «inadequeacy», and for people like you and me, understanding one day that such inadecuacy had to be solved by our own means, lead us into an act where our name changed as the changes in our cover up act to solve our inadequacy did.
– We never honored the past or the present in our pursuit, as we desired in passion to find solution to the present, by matching it into the idealization of some future without ever realizing that the old or present essence of ones being would be crushed into non existance by said future.
– Then we found the realization of that new name, only to understand that its demands became a tyranny on the other faces of our soul: as our soul is not something that can be undestood in unity, but something that conceives in the beginning in multiple things which try to give shape to one thing. Theres many people in a village, and our minds, are no exception.
— But happiness is only achieved by those who have their soul entire - or those who are the same person regardless of the context and scenario. And we gave to much to somebody that wasn't us, as our spirit took possession and lead us down.
– This is this the essence by which someone goes to hell, only to do one thing over again, getting an ever lasting pain for all the things that were given up chasing that which was absent. The more someone is forced into being shaped by the thing that was concevied in lust, the more the individual misses the place they used to call home, for that is no longer within ones reach. Does this makes sense to you?
The alien left me with no answer, and as he contemplated the sea, a tear travelled through his strange face.
– In this state of anguish, affliction rarely ever feels company, as the very individual condition that was pursued, became a full suit and persona to be forced upon and wear. Hell, is one lonely place man because we only learn to speak a language, that only makes sense to ourselves. But i think we can find a way out of it. This is why I'm here.
“Look, what you’ve done, it’s not something i can see the way you can see my own doing on me.” The alien replied. “Besides the way in which i canno’t see your face in this night, you seem ordinary — but what you talk and the way you say it, evokes in every word regret. What is it that you’ve done that has you regret like this?”
As the alien finished speaking, I emptied the can of beer, layed my eyes on the irregular grooves that my feet had left on the sand, and then replied back to him, after making a recap of the story i had repeatedly told myself after falling down.
“My story, is the fairy tale of a guy who makes way for the new coming of a new man; a better man for the world, while he casts disarray upon the earth: much to his dismay, at the expense of his own soul as the people who become victims of disasters, were ones who this man deemed unfair; cruel, evil, despicable in past. That was at the beginning."
"Theres a pile of corpses behind that character — even in covid time, people as close as the local priest of the small town he lived in, would break their neck after falling in the shower, as he had the slightest suspicion of their secret deeds. All clean deads for that matter. Untraceable to nothing but sheer randomness. Magic as it seeems. But were this folk truly evil people or even guilty of anything? You may ask - the man never knew it for sure, as he never had faculties such as godly omniscience to actually know it; which has taken a toll on him, as the burden of justice is an unberable one for anything but a god."
"Which leads to another point: spontaneously picturing random numbers in the head, associating them with psychological compounds by angular momentum, and actually being bang on the suspicion. Truth friend, in its stochastic presentation: it's unberable.”
“Consequential of such attempts to rationalize his own story in the eyes of people such as close family, my dude became clinically diagnosed with referenced thinking. Which are fancy words for schizophrenia. Nobody believed the story as it was uttered."
"Yet the consequences are there for everyone to see, altought not visible in their cause and effect by anybody but this guy, which lead him first into regret over ever starting his quest as a reformer; and then repent.”
“Now before he realized of this lets call it «curse», he preached for years over the internet as the disasters started to slowly creep up. He preached in a fashion parallel to Niestzches Zarathustra; Zarathustra meaning a famous philosophical device artificied by the philosopher Niestzche, who’s aim was to portray the best posible man, as something he dubbed the <<Übermensch>> ”.
“Such concept being the seemingly more elegant brand of a humanist ideal for a not so distant future: today - albeit a wrong one, for this guy was not dyonisian himself. The backbone of his framework, is analytical psycholgy becoming a chariot for a true understandment of human nature: and ultimately a facilitator for love within light: not within ignorance; not within darkness. Most philosophers today though would mock anything analytical in it's aim."
"Then on the guy preached and dwelved further into the relative hole of his own doctrine: and became imprisoned by what he didn’t got right at first attempt, making him in the process the character that Nietzsche from the comfort of his own writers seat, never attempted to actually embody within realistic means: eventually figuring out within himself the ultimate Nietzschean aristocrat: a magic pen granted by being capetian by mother: from judah by father."
"But Alas, you have no idea how common suicide is within philosophers after they finish their best work. As language, becomes the ultimate barrier for understandment, and then to ones capacity to feel love. Difference — true saliency in ones individual destiny— leads to the gravest posible pain. Ironic isn’t it?”
“Besides technical work with a new form of psychology inspired by analytical chemistry, as that drawed from his efforts during the light of day, five years ago, once he felt the urge to try to reach out to the world from a position of what he deemed was greater understandment: he primitively preached during night his new set of ideas for people to behave beyond the limitations of manipulative psychology, albeit a harsh doctrine meant to clear the way for a better product: Christ himself."
"This is not a doctrine a human being can actually perform, as such its christianity at its highest capacity to bear fruit. It’s an impossible doctrine, yet solves the oldest problem posed in the bible. All which sounds very sci-fi bullshit-y but actual problems started for the protagonist in this tale, when the preaching matched with terrible consequences. Not figurative, but within tangible reality.”
“So just as we talk, theres a small legion of hackers pretending to be doing internet social experiments while talking in an artsy matter: much in my own style, entertaining the exact same concepts - a legion of dangerous monkeys, i have no control over."
"One of the many unexpected consequences being this, yet prompted by something evil; ancient: essentially replicating what my protagonist developed and then preached over the years, while these "hacktivists" lay their attention on things and people, as they select them and enforce upon them strict surveillance, to behave properly. Then to destroy them, as they did in 2020 with many corporations and institutions.A bizarre combination of theater actors to my own liking, and then cyber-security demigods: omniscient in their claims to surveill, and they are - derivative such of another device of what I've done; which is to build a theater so people can make-believe that they are infact performing within themselves something greater - but that's matter for another story."
“Most of the corpses piling up flat out dead, have no relation to him whatsoever; they became victims as my protagonist took measures to fight back the monster he found at the foundation of the known world. This is not an elaborate analogy for one's own unseen capacity for evil, as i mean this: a monster as literally as it can be. For these things friend, im doomed as in true strenght, i have nothing but the pen i use to write down what i think albeit always at danger of it’s eventual inversion. I have no real friends left. Not one who can understand, or help bear the pain: as friendship and love are all gated by understandment."
"The full story has many more vertients, but i think i’ve done it enough justice. This is the predicament of an insane man chased by his own shadow as he builds a better man: one who delivers heavenly things, and then a shadow stringed to deliver tyranny as the very strings behind him make the better man stumble while he tries to keep a grasp of his own spirit, and then of his own soul."
"That monster behind, is wicked smart — and cannot be outwitted nor overpowered but anything but divine smite."
“I’m heading now to a new country, to try to get friends from the only institution in the world who knows and adresses the current times being, and who by extension, might believe me. And to clarify, these being the end of times; but not the end of the world. Yet now i myself have a damocles sword pending over my own head, and i need to do something about it before it falls.”
And as i said these things, i reached out to my backpack drawing a third can of beer from it — besides my own super laptop, thats what my backpack had: an infinite supply of beer. Corona, Indio, Victoria, Dos Equis, Heineken; you name it. I popped the can, and gave it a long and definite sip as i emptied it complete.
The alien didn't try to show that he understood, but stood still in silence, with his sight in the sand below and pressing lips, knowing by my demeanor; that these things as I've said them was something that I needed to do. Then he said: "I don't follow man. You say you preach and then disasters occur. Like a prophet from the bible?"
"Yes. Then I preached to get rid of the things that are actually making the world worse, and something awoke soon after, and since then; everything I do is subject to being misinterpreted due to the diffamatory action of this thing. Now everytime I do something, it can be twisted and turned against my original intent. Right now the hackers are my worst problem: I may have a degree in computers but I have no fucking idea whatsoever of hacking. I earn my living as an A.I engineer.".
The alien raised his sight to meet with mine, and after doing some contemplation on the fact, quite simply said: "You are insane". Then lowered his own sight, and raised it again to meet with the sea and continued. "If you want a tattoo, we can work that out. But either way and whatever parts of your story are true and even worse; the ones you may be lying about: you sound dangerous in a delusional kind of sense, and my life is hard enough as is."
I pressed my fists, knowing then the old same thing had happened again. For I had never forced anything upon anybody, and I was willing to respect that until the bitter end. Then I released the build up of frustration with a loud sigh, and after this amend, I replied back.
"I understand and respect it. But let me just propose you that if you ever want to figure what is beyond life as it's lived by person who has never seen what is like to be someone you write a great story about; you can pin me, and I'll show you what's beyond that door. Give it some thought."
The alien; The Black Alien Project stayed there sitting, spechless but calm, almost expecting something else to be convinced about. But pointless, for i knew that nobody can be forced into anything without bringing a transgression into play – and i wasn’t one to taint myself in sin if it could be avoided. Not anymore.
3.
I made the distance at steady pace walking along the shore, until i found a small group of pines in-between the liminal space of the beach and the land. I sat with one of the pines trunk behind my back, and drawed the Schizo Pills from my eternal supply of traveller goodies.
Quetiapine 100 mg, and Olanzapine 10 mg, i made a smaller fragment from the olanzapine pill, and swallowed both complete. As their side effects were concerned, they would soon knock me out of conscience, as this little ritual was my own way of calling the day complete – then i layed there, vigilant, waiting for my own drowsiness to claim me into sleep - but the Bird of Britan came flying from above, and stood besides me.
\Chirp, Chirp, Chirp**
I watched the bird, annoyed, as its presence had become an omen for contempt. For me and the death people of my past. I frowned upon the little shit, and said nothing. The bird made a little nod, while tilting its head in excentricity the way birds do, and replied. — Hey Andrew!, do you remember when you tried to penetrate your own computer to make a universe grow inside of it? I just wan’t to know something: did your computer moan? Did it finally learnt how to scream your name?
\Chirp Chirp**
Ignoring the bird, i closed my eyes and stayed like that for a long moment, hoping to make the bird think i was asleep. Maybe that would make him leave.
— Can’t bullshit me like that Sweetheart. So please tell me something; why don’t you command one of your supermodels; these muses, to come here and warm the bed for you. It's a cold night and you seem lonely brah
. \Chirp Chirp**
I opened my eyes, and irritated, pointed menacingly at the bird turning my left hand into an imaginary gun. I had already failed at something today, and wasn’t convinced i needed the memory of the things i failed at before. Not now.
- Hol’ up cowboy ! you wan’t to bang my bird ass when you should be banging a bitch ass. What happened with Tyrone huckleberry? Did you managed to make him as impotent as you are right now? —I held steady my hand; and tired, the tempation to pull again the trigger on the bird was growing larger. I saw red roses in my own sight, making a terrible omen for a migraine forthcoming. Said nothing.
Said nothing.
- Alright cowboy, i will give meaning to that revelations verse. What was it? Ah yes. Revelations 9:6. Every single person with an internet history will be as paranoid as you were in 2020. Everyone will be diffamated into acts of political terrorism! Aren’t you am-
"No longer care for love unless it's between good friends”. Said to myself. There was certainly a migraine coming, but maybe my dreams would help convince it otherwise. And as far as the hoes were concerned, Furious Angels would be there for them. Like the Rob Dougan song.
4.
Found my own mind after the slumber – asleep, then awake. I realized several hours passed - at least enough to wake up and witness the sun rise above the sea. But as for dreams, the light veil of their memories wasn't something to rely upon. But i did remember something, and it was some overtone in dread; an atmosphere of fear – and a kind of dread sustained in it’s inevitability by the urgency that builds upon dearth.
Now what exactly was it though? I couldn’t remember from my dreams, but ever since i falled to my own death i had always present in mind the future succesion of events that would follow when things started to go very wrong. Iran, the U.S, Israel - now whatever was it in the news; the outcome would be the same. A thousand more cuts to an already languishing economy. Make that corpse bleed, and then fall off a cliff.
As such things would be cooked, just as the bird of britain. The bird was still there though: just in pieces and roasted like the contents of a dropped KFC bucket would. But the little shit would return - as it always did. The economy? Not so much.
Yet i digress. None of the world circumstances mattered as far i was concerned – i had built a small and portable solar system to power my laptop, and my beer supply was well, infinite - i made myself sure that i had my needs covered whatever happened around me. Not tied to even a house for that matter. I incorporated myself and gave my back a stretch. The morning breeze coming from the sea evocated in my memories some time that had long passed – late childhood. I rejected those memories as they beared with them things i didnt wan’t to remember - then wen’t on as usual in my morning routine scrolling through my instagram feed, figuring if there were any new hoes to maybe motivate me into doing my God imposed labour.
Labour which was to either write, or to finish the House of Water — then after scrolling i did in fact saw a new hoe; i dropped a Faux Pas comment. Maybe she would play along, maybe not. Whatever. Sometimes I would put in a lot of effort to do a rhyme. But the effort depended on the insta-hoe in question. I know. Not the best of habits, but back in elementary school i was the kind of kid that would only get motivation when the girls in the classroom were present in physEd. And then i would run faster: whole lotta faster. Run Forrest! Run! Women love used to fuel me; and the habit sticked — and at the moment, i was kinda done with the idea of female trascendence. Would rely on their love, but not on their validation. Not like a simp. Fuck that.
Furthermore, what results did i demonstrably mustered after pursuing true egalitarianism and sharing it? Exactly. A bitch gonna do what a bitch gonna do, and so does the human female. After publishing the comment, I locked my phone and walked towards the highway, as i was planning to pay a visit to somebody long forgotten - I had kind of a schedule that i was going to follow, before taking the plane to Madrid and become hispanic Jon Snow from the walgreens Nightwatch.
2024.05.15 22:25 HaykakanTxa Daily News Report: 05/15/2024
Date: 05/15/2024
Reading time: 11 minutes, 2384 words🪖 Military
The ceremony of withdrawal of peacekeepers from Nagorno-Karabakh took place
Russian peacekeepers were in Nagorno Karabakh based on a statement of November 9, 2020. The military group was supposed to stay in the region until 2025, which could be extended for another five years. The population of Artsakh was subjected to forced displacement, more than 100 thousand people moved from Artsakh to Armenia.CivilNet
Armenia and Slovakia discuss issues of military-technical cooperation
Armenia participated in the IDEB-2024 defense exhibition in Bratislava, Slovakia, at the invitation of the Slovak Ministry of Defense. A number of agreements have been reached between Armenia and Slovakia.Armenpress, Armenia, Slovakia discuss expanding defence cooperation
Armenia and India plan to create a working group on defense issues
The first defense consultations between the Ministries of Defense of Armenia and India took place under the chairmanship of Levon Ayvazyan. The progress and development prospects of Armenia-India cooperation in the field of defense were discussed, including military-technical, personnel military education and tactical training, exchange of experience and other fields.CivilNet, Armenian and Indian Defense Ministries hold first defense consultations in Yerevan, Armenia, India hold first defense consultations
🏛️ Politics & Government
Over 52% of respondents in Armenia support Tavush for Homeland movement to certain extent, Gallup phone poll shows
A total of 35.1% of respondents in Armenia said they “fully support” the Tavush for Homeland movement, Aram Navasardyan, head of the Armenian office of GALLUP International Association, said at a press conference on Wednesday. 17.8% said they feel “more than positively” about the movement, 10% - ‘more than negatively’, 10.5% “absolutely negatively”; 13.6% found it difficult to answer the question.ArkaAm
Civil disobedience campaigns continue in Yerevan
People demanding Prime Minister Nikol Pashinyan’s resignation again blocked streets in Yerevan on May 15.PanArmenian
The Baku court has extended the terms of detention of Artsakh officials for five months
Former presidents Bako Sahakyan, Arayik Harutyunyan, Davit Babayan and Davit Ishkhanyan are speaking. The detention period of the former President of Artsakh Arkady Ghukasyan was also extended by five months. 23 Armenian servicemen and civilians were arrested in September 2023, after a one-day war against Artsakh.CivilNet
Political consultations held between foreign ministries of Armenia, Georgia
The Republic of Armenia and Georgia held a round of political consultations in Tbilisi on May 13-14. It is noted that the participants of the meeting reviewed the existing relations between the two countries.Armenpress, Political consultations held between Foreign Ministries of Armenia and Georgia
Education reforms, institutional development, peace agenda implementation: PM delivers speech at EBRD annual meeting
Nikol Pashinyan attended the opening ceremony of the annual meeting of the European Bank for Reconstruction and Development in the Republic of Armenia. Armenia's economy has grown by almost 30 percent since the People's Nonviolent Velvet Revolution of 2018.Armenpress, Prime Minister highly values the partnership with the European Bank for Reconstruction and Development, Armenian PM and EBRD President discuss joint projects and perspectives, EBRD plans to invest up to 500 million Euros in Armenia in 2024, EBRD and InecoBank bolster science innovation hub in Yerevan
Border delimitation between Armenia, Azerbaijan should become a key tool for learning peaceful coexistence - PM
Armenia and Azerbaijan lack experience and knowledge of peaceful co-existence, says Prime Minister. Pashinyan: "What you don't know brings uncertainties, concerns, tensions, which you understandably formulate and perceive based on your experience"Armenpress, Moscow welcomes Armenia-Azerbaijan foreign ministers' negotiations in Almaty, Demarcation should become one of the tools that will teach Armenia and Azerbaijan to live peacefully – PM Pashinyan
PM Pashinyan sends congratulatory message to the Prime Minister of Serbia
Nikol Pashinyan congratulates Miloš Vučević on occasion of his election to the post of the Prime Minister of the Republic of Serbia. The message reads as follows: "Armenia values friendly relations with Serbia based on mutual respect and trust"Armenpress
Armenia and EBRD sign €236 million agreement for Sisian-Kajaran road construction
The EBRD signed a loan agreement worth €236 million for the construction of the 24.2 km southern section of the Sisian-Kajaran North-South Road. The project is a strategic priority for Armenia, ensuring its connectivity and access to Europe and beyond.Armenpress, EBRD plans to invest up to 500 million Euros in Armenia in 2024, EBRD grants Armenia 12 million euros for the construction of a logistics center in Syunik, EBRD funds largest road project in Armenia
Armenia and France expand cooperation in civil aviation sector
Meeting was held between the Director General, Mihran Khachatryan, and the Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary of France to the Republic of Armenia, Olivier Decottignies. Issues of strengthening and expanding cooperation between Armenia and France in the field of civil aviation were discussed.Armenpress, French Development Agency to extend cooperation with Armenia’s government, Armenia, France extend partnership in civil aviation, Armenia and France are expanding cooperation in the field of civil aviation, Armenia, French Development Agency to expand cooperation
The delegation led by Tigran Avinyan leaves for Paris
The Yerevan delegation will visit Paris from May 15 to 19. They will meet with the president of the regional council of Île-de-France.Armenpress, Yerevan Mayor to travel to Paris on May 15-19
Moscow sees the need to resume the work of the tripartite group on the issue of de-blockade
Moscow considers it necessary to resume work of tripartite working group co-chaired by deputy prime ministers of Russia, Armenia and Azerbaijan on blockade issue. Russian Deputy Foreign Minister Mikhail Galuzin said about it in an interview with the News.ru website: "We do not use the term Zangezur Corridor, but in favor of the complete unblocking of economic and transport communications in the South Caucasus. He also spoke about the role of Russian peacekeepers in Karabakh.CivilNet
Armenia is waiting for the decision to join the European Peace Foundation. Pashinyan
Pashinyan: We are waiting for the decision to include Armenia in the European Peace Fund. The fund was established in 2021 to promote world peace, prevent conflicts and supply non-lethal weapons to countries in need. In mid-April, the media wrote that a preliminary agreement was reached in Brussels to provide 10 million euros to Armenia from this fund, but Hungary blocked the decision.CivilNet
Mirzoyan to take part in Council of Europe ministers’ Committee session in Strasbourg
Ararat Mirzoyan will travel to French city of Strasbourg for a working visit on 16-17 May. He will take part in the 133rd session of the Committee of Ministers, devoted to the celebration of 75 years since the foundation of the Council of Europe.ArkaAm, Armenian FM to participate in the session of CoE Committee of Ministers
High-Tech Minister: Armenia considers creating investment fund
Armenia’s Minister of High-Tech Industry Mkhitar Hayrapetyan discussed a potential creation of an investment fund in the country with Noubar Afeyan, the founder of venture capital firm Flagship Pioneering. Fund is expected to improve cooperation between Armenian authorities and the private sector.ArkaAm
Armenia's policy is to diversify its foreign relations - Pashinyan
Armenia's policy is to diversify its foreign relations in all areas, Prime Minister Nikol Pashinyan said at Copenhagen Democracy Summit. "We are happy about the deployment of the EU Civilian Monitoring Mission on the border between Armenia and Azerbaijan," he said. The prime minister said that the EU decision on Armenia's inclusion in the European Peace Facility is now awaited.ArkaAm
Moscow slams EU mission in Armenia for “provocative activity”
The EU mission is doing more and more against Armenia’s neighbors Russia, Azerbaijan and Iran, Mikhail Galuzin said.PanArmenian
Uruguay Chamber of Representatives votes to submit draft law on the Armenian Genocide Memorial Day to executive branch
Chamber of Representatives of Uruguay on May 14 unanimously passed the draft law declaring April 24 as Armenian Genocide Memorial Day in Uruguay, 74 votes in favor by the 74 MPs present. After the executive's approval within 10 days, the law will come into force immediately, the Armenian Embassy in Uruguay said in a post on Facebook.Armenpress, Uruguay House of Representatives approves billdeclaring April 24 as Armenian Genocide Remembrance Day
Slovak PM in ‘life-threatening condition’ after being shot
Slovakia's Prime Minister Robert Fico is fighting for his life after he was shot multiple times following a government meeting. Fico's condition is life-threatening and he’s being flown by helicopter to hospital for emergency treatment.Armenpress, Slovak PM Fico in hospital after being shot, Violence has no place in politics: Armenian PM wishes speedy recovery to Slovakia’s Robert Fico, Slovak PM in life-threatening condition after assassination attempt, Slovak PM Fico in hospital after being shot
Zelenskiy cancels visit to Spain and Portugal
Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskiy has cancelled a visit to Spain and Portugal, authorities said on Wednesday. CNN Portugal and other media reported it was because of renewed fighting in his country. Spain's King Felipe of Spain had been due to hold a reception and host a meal in his honour. He had also been expected to sign a bilateral security cooperation agreement.Armenpress
The Power of One Dram Sums up the Two-Year Program with Teach for Armenia
During November and December 2021, AMD 9,328,753 was transferred to the “Teach for Armenia” educational foundation. The amount gathered within the framework of “The Power of One Dram” initiative of IDBank and Idram. As a result, two schools of Aragatsotn Region have been conducting an education program based on change for two years.Armenpress, Power of One Dram sums up two-year program with Teach for Armenia
Blinken, guitar in hand, sings ‘Rockin’ in the Free World’ in Kyiv bar
U.S. Secretary of State Antony Blinken plays guitar and sings Neil Young's "Rockin' in the Free World" with a local band. Blinken assured Ukrainians they are not alone and that billions of dollars in American military aid on its way will make a "real difference" on the battlefield.Armenpress
Armenia’s ruling party frames anti-government protesters as ‘Russia-backed’ on social media: DEMOCRACY WATCH #4
A CivilNet investigation has found that the campaigns, mostly on Facebook, are generated by the country’s ruling party. Among the main targets is the leader of the protest movement Archbishop Bagrat Galstanyan, the Primate of the Tavush Diocese. They circulate videos and photos suggesting his involvement in a “Russian plan to destabilize Armenia”CivilNet, Echoes of Déjà Vu: Reviving Resistance in Armenia, Archbishop Bagrat: This is our first victory
India and Iran have announced the launch of the Chabahar port development project
India and Iran signed a ten-year agreement on the development and operation of Iran's Chabahar port. The agreement aims to expand regional communication and facilitate trade, particularly between India, Iran and Afghanistan. India has invested in the infrastructure and modernization of the port, making it a viable transit route for Indian goods to Afghanistan and Central Asia.CivilNet
U.S. warns Georgia not to side with Moscow against the west
Georgia has been warned by the U.S. not to become an adversary of the west by falling back in line with Moscow.PanArmenian
💵 Economy
EBRD predicts Armenia’s economy to grow by 6.2% in 2024
The European Bank for Reconstruction and Development expects Armenia’s economy to grow by 6.2% in 2024 and 4,8% in 2025. The EBRD forecasted a 4.5% economic growth in 2024 for Armenia in its previous report, published in September 2023. The World Bank expects the Armenian economy to. grow by 5.5%, the IMF predicts 5% growth for the country's economy in 2024.ArkaAm
VTB (Armenia) expands opportunities for cross-border money transfers by phone number
Retail customers of VTB Bank (Armenia) can receive money transfers from Russia by phone number. Funds are credited instantly to the recipient's account or card in national currency. In 2023, the bank's retail customers received more than 94 thousand money transfers.ArkaAm, VTB-Armenia Bank has expanded the possibilities of international transfers by telephone
EBRD has significantly improved the forecast of the growth of the Armenian economy in 2024 to 6.2%
The EBRD predicts 6.2 percent economic growth in Armenia in 2024, and 4.8 percent in 2025. The World Bank expects that Armenia's economy will grow by 5.5 percent in 2024. The IMF predicts a 5 percent growth for the country's economy in 2024 and 2025.ArkaAm
Donations to Armenia:
HimnadramServicemenFund
Armenian Wounded Heroes
ArmeniaFund
2024.05.15 22:20 Dry-Junket7436 COMING VERY SOON 😀 💵 PROGRESSIVE PREMIUM💵 What does it include?❓ 😀• Spammers, Vendors, B4u, all type of bots such as food, cc, log, credit report, tlo, and more. 📲• Full Cooking tutorials with videos, links, materials, + more 🖥• Full spam guide with videos, materials, phis pages (custom), API
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submitted by Dry-Junket7436 to MoneyLogins [link] [comments]
What does it include?❓ 😀• Spammers, Vendors, B4u, all type of bots such as food, cc, log, credit report, tlo, and more. 📲• Full Cooking tutorials with videos, links, materials, + more 🖥• Full spam guide with videos, materials, phis pages (custom), API setup, Custom domains, Host creation, & every tool setup needed. 🖥• Slips basics, pop on times, fonts, templates, glass channels , signature vids, and link to materials to start. 😻• Full ACH guide, will provide pictures, Where to get logs, what banks going fresh, how to link log, trial deposits & 3rd party apps, how to start ach transfer & how to wipe correctly. 🥳• Chase ACH ($25,000+) will provide full process with pictures & logs needed and account type needed. (Next day) 🤬• Full M2M process with what banks are going such as Afcu, Navy, Macu, & more. Providing steps & rdp connection guide. ⚙️• Disputes on mainstream banks such as Boa, Wells, and Chase ($1,500+)
🖥• RDP+Proxy setup & how they work, will teach how to connect, what they are used for, & where to buy, also what they prevent from causing. 🔎• Best sites for punching shoes, cloth, weapons, w33d, vapes, devices, tickets, & more coming soon based on suggestions. ⌛• How to refund big sites such as Adidas, New balance, Holister, Costco, Walmart, Stadium Good, Microsoft. Full steps included with basics/ways of refunding. 🖥• Full CPN creation guide with pictures, sites, Credit report info adding, Building credit & profile, Tri merging and more. 👾• Open Ups I will provide the information to open banks such as Navy Fed, Boa, Chase, Citi, US bank, And BMO. (more coming soon) 🌟• Enroll making, cashing, unblocking, spoofing, with pics, sites, apps, bins, cashout sites. 🎁• Giffy Jwett with sites, bins, cashout methods, and walkthrough. 💰• Apps to load $1,000+ including bins, sites, materials, unknown crypto apps, & gambling apps. 💳•Bin list, punching, non vbv, and more. 🏠• Wholesale Real Estate , Contracts, Guides, Videos Guides. ❤️• YouTube Automation, Guides,Apps To Edit,How To Start ⭐• E-commerce,Found what's Best Selling,How To Start 👟• Shoes Selling, How To Start Off, How To Check Market , Where To Sell Them At 🎮• Vending Machines Investing, How To Start Off, Requirements Need
2024.05.15 22:01 AlexTheBlu A Noir Sci Fi book with cloned old celebrities and orphans having their brain chemicals harvested and sold
I read this book sometime in the late 2000's but I would be surprised if it was published in the 80's or 90's.
The main character is a detective who is hired by a clone to search for a missing orphan.
He finds a company is harvesting orphans brain chemicals and selling it as a enhancement.
At one point he enters an apartment and is kinda decapitated by a invisible wire string across the door frame.
The think the title was something along the lines of "Unknown"town world.
submitted by AlexTheBlu to whatsthatbook [link] [comments]
The main character is a detective who is hired by a clone to search for a missing orphan.
He finds a company is harvesting orphans brain chemicals and selling it as a enhancement.
At one point he enters an apartment and is kinda decapitated by a invisible wire string across the door frame.
The think the title was something along the lines of "Unknown"town world.
2024.05.15 18:58 HeadOfSpectre There's An Abyss Even Deeper Than The Mariana Trench
“Ready to make history, baby?”
I looked over toward Sheila as she stood on the gangplank leading up to The Burger. I still couldn’t believe she named our research ship ‘The Burger’... emotional relevance be damned.
“It's not exactly history,” I corrected.
“Oh come on! If your survey is right, this trench might run even deeper than the Challenger Deep, and you’re gonna be the first person to explore it! How is that not exciting?”
“Might be deeper, we only have a limited amount of topological data. And even if it is deeper, we’re talking only a few hundred feet at most, it’s really not that im-”
Sheila silenced me with a kiss.
“Nerd.” She teased, and I found myself too flustered to reply. After five years of marriage, she still could leave me speechless with just a kiss. God… how did someone like me end up with a woman like that?
Then again, how did someone like me end up where I was in general? It was honestly a little overwhelming. Standing on the dock, getting ready to board that ship and join the ranks of Jacques Piccard and James Cameron (yes, that James Cameron) as one of the few people to take a manned submersible down to the deepest parts of the ocean. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little scared too. Diving down that deep could easily be a one way trip if even the slightest thing went wrong. My submarine would be experiencing between 600 to 1100 atmospheres of pressure and while we’d tested it over and over again to make sure it would actually be up for the challenge, there was still a lingering iota of doubt in the back of my mind. All that needed to go wrong was one little thing, and that would be it for me.
The scariest part is that I probably wouldn’t even know what had happened… I’d simply be gone… and Sheila would be alone. The thought of that caused a momentary spike of panic in my chest that almost made me want to call this whole thing off.
Almost.
But, then I felt her hand close around mine. I looked up into her bright blue eyes, and saw her gentle smile.
“You’re gonna be okay, hun,” She promised. “You and your team have been running the numbers, right? It’s gonna go just fine!”
I nodded slowly.
“It’s gonna go fine…” I repeated, before she leaned in to kiss me, and gently pulled me by the wrist up onto the deck of the Burger.
She was probably right.
It probably would be fine.
Probably…
The trench I’d be exploring was a fairly recent discovery, located south of Greenland, in a vast stretch of water situated directly between Newfoundland and Iceland. It’d been uncovered during a topological survey in the area, and my team had taken an interest in investigating it further. At minimum, it was believed to descend to about 35,000 feet deep (over 10,000 meters), although the current theory was that it might have run even deeper. Determining the exact depth of the yet unnamed chasm was just one of the intents of our dive. The rest was studying the organisms that might be found down there, and how they might have differed from the ones found in other deep ocean trenches (some variation being expected given the isolated environment they were developing in.)
I had to admit, it would be exciting to see what new life might have developed in a place such as this, especially if it ran even deeper than our predictions… and that excitement was enough to make me chase the fear of the risks out of my mind, even if it was only briefly. While Sheila went to make sure we were ready to embark, I caught myself wandering out toward the rear of the ship where my submarine, The Tempura, waited for me. Did this submarine deserve a better name than The Tempura? Probably. But, this was my project, so I got to name it and since Burger was already taken, Tempura was the next best name I had. I liked to think that the subs namesake might approve… if she hadn’t died fifteen years ago. Shrimp don’t live very long.
As the ship began to depart, I caught myself reminiscing on how I’d ended up here… it really was all because of those damn shrimp, wasn’t it? Well… maybe not all because of the shrimp. But they were certainly part of it. Back when I was a lot younger, I never really gave much of a shit about anything at all. I guess I did have a thing for the ocean… the great, romantic vastness of it. The sense of adventure that it beckoned with. The endless mysteries that lay within its dark depths. I used to read about it all the time when I was a kid and I especially loved the classic adventures: Verne’s 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, and Melville’s Moby Dick… but that love was just confined to my books. I didn’t really have any interest in actually going out and seeing the ocean. Hell, the idea of going to a beach and standing in the sun with my toes in the sand seemed miserable to me. I was happier (although calling myself happy might’ve been a little disingenuous) alone in my room, enjoying the company of books as opposed to people.
Then came the shrimp.
One of my online friends kept them as a hobby. He used to post pictures of his tanks all the time, and I always thought they looked kinda cool. He said that if I was interested in them, I should try keeping some for myself, and during a particularly bad bout of depression, I figured that maybe it might be worth a shot. So, I bought a cheap tank and some cheap decorations, bought myself some shrimp… and promptly watched them die over the next few weeks. That… that bothered me. I don’t know why but… it really bothered me. I’m still not entirely sure how to describe what it was that I was feeling. Guilt? Defeat? Shame? Here I was, trying to set up a habitat for these creatures just to have something to do to keep the suicidal ideation at bay, and I’d failed almost right out of the gate.
Was I just that bad? Was I just that much of a failure? Was this just going to go to shit just like everything else in my life did, because I was just such an abysmal piece of shit who barely deserved the life she had? Had I just not tried hard enough? Was I too apathetic? What had happened? What went wrong?
It bothered me.
It bothered me enough that I made up my mind to just dump the remaining shrimp down the toilet and toss everything. Forget about it. Move on. End of story. But… that wasn’t fair, was it? The shrimp didn’t all deserve to die just because I couldn’t be bothered, did they? Sure, they were just shrimp, but they were alive too, just like me. They deserved to be alive.
I owed it to them to try and keep them alive, didn’t I?
So… I didn’t dump the shrimp.
Instead, I started doing some reading. Started looking into what I was doing wrong and how to do it all better. I actually got really into it and a few months later, I had a nice planted tank. Looking back, it was amateur shit… but it made me happy. I’d even picked out names for my two favorite shrimp. Burger and Tempura. They’d been the last survivors of my original batch, and they were the ones I ended up caring about the most. Caring for Burger and Tempura gave me a purpose. It became an obsession… and that little obsession drove me to finally start turning my life around.
Like I said, shrimp don’t live for very long. Burger and Tempura were long dead by the time I graduated with a degree in Marine Biology. But they were the ones who inspired me to finally get my life in order. Hell, the shrimp were half the reason that I met Sheila. She was something of an aquarium fanatic too… we’d met on a forum, and gotten to talking. I found out that she just so happened to be studying Marine Biology at another school, and we bonded pretty quickly after that. After graduation, I moved to California to be with her and after that, the rest is history. She was my rock. She was the one who always pushed me to be the best possible version of myself… and I loved her more than I ever knew I could love someone.
A glance back at the shore, fading into the distance tore me out of my reminiscing, and I shifted my focus to the present, going over The Tempura to perform some quick checks. My colleagues and I would be checking and rechecking the submarine over the next two days as we made our way toward the dive spot. Considering the danger that descending that deep posed, I didn’t want to take a single unnecessary risk.
I had too much to live for, after all.
***
The day of the dive, I couldn’t notice how excited the rest of the crew seemed… well… Sheila’s usual crew seemed excited. I guess to them, this was just another research expedition, no different than the ones Sheila usually took this ship out on. Lately her research had been focused on the analysis and study of whale calls. Her recent voyages had involved following their pods, recording their calls and playing them back to see how the whales reacted. It was fascinating stuff, but my research was admittedly a lot different than that.
My obsession had drawn me to the denizens of the deep sea. I’d used The Burger for expeditions before, although none of them had been on quite the same scale as this one. Up until today, the most ambitious thing I’d done was send down unmanned submersibles with cameras. Those submersibles had typically returned. We had lost a few early on due to technical glitches, but the past few years had been blissfully uneventful. Logically, this dive would probably be uneventful as well. But it was still hard to get the jitters out of my head.
My team and I did the final checks necessary to make sure that The Tempura was good to go, before setting up the crane to begin lifting it up. In less than an hour, I’d be inside of that thing, descending to the darkest depths of the ocean.
It didn’t feel real.
I felt Sheila’s hand on my shoulder, and looked over at her.
“Moment of truth, huh?” She asked. She probably meant it to sound encouraging, but it just sounded ominous.
“Moment of truth…” I replied.
“You’re gonna be okay, honey. I know you will.”
She reached out to gently squeeze my hand and gave me a reassuring smile that I meekly returned.
“Yeah, it’s gonna be okay,” I agreed, although there was an element of a lie in it. Statistically, yes. It probably WOULD be okay. But there was that lingering anxiety in the back of my mind that just wouldn’t go away. I looked quietly out at the submarine before me and couldn’t shake the thought that it sort of looked like a giant coffin. Unconsciously, I found myself squeezing Sheila’s hand tighter than normal. She just held me close and pressed a kiss to the top of my head, before gently rubbing my back.
“You’ll be okay,” She promised.
“Dr. Jenner, we’re ready for you.” I heard one of my colleagues say.
Moment of truth.
I took one last look at Sheila, and gave her a quick kiss on the lips for luck. She smiled at me, and I smiled back anxiously at her before heading over toward the submarine.
The crew helped me enter the cockpit and get myself situated inside. The cockpit of the Tempura was fairly cramped and not particularly comfortable. Space and comfort aren’t really luxuries you can afford in a submarine like this. The instruments I needed took up a lot of space, leaving little room for me in there… and I am not a very big person.
Once I was inside, they sealed the hatch. Then the diagnostics checks began.
“Grayson, can you hear us in there?” I heard Sheila say through the radio.
“Loud and clear,” I replied.
“Great. We’ll keep in constant radio contact, just to monitor the signal. In the meanwhile, how’s everything looking in there?”
“Green across the board so far,” I said, although I hadn’t finished running all my final checks yet. Ultimately, nothing was out of place.
This submarine was as good to go as it was going to get.
“I’m all good in here,” I said once I was done. “You can drop me when you’re ready.”
“You got it, honey. Let’s get you in the water, run one final round of tests and start lowering you down.”
A short while later, I felt the submarine begin to move as the crane lifted it off the deck and lowered it into the water. The Tempura honestly resembled its namesake in a way, being long and cigar shaped, only vertically oriented instead of horizontally oriented. We’d admittedly taken more than a few design cues from James Cameron’s Deepsea Challenger. Why fix what isn’t broken, after all?
Once I was in the water, a 1000 pound releasable ballast weight would cause the submarine to sink. Releasing that weight was also my ticket back to the surface, and I could either trigger it from inside the cockpit, or, in the event that the release failed for any reason, it would trigger automatically after roughly 12 hours of exposure to salt water.
Ideally, this would be the first of a number of dives I’d be undertaking… and if all went according to plan, the Tempura could be the first of many similar submarines that would allow other researchers to safely and effectively descend to extreme depths. If all went well, this could be a massive leap forward for researchers like me, allowing us to better explore the deepest depths of the Hadal Zone and learn all we could about the ecosystems down there via direct observation.
If all went well.
If.
Through the viewport, I watched as I was lowered into the ocean. A few of the other crew members had donned diving gear to escort me down, and after they did their final checks and I did mine, we were fully ready to go.
“All’s green across the board,” I said into the radio. “You can start my descent.”
“I hear you, honey,” Sheila replied. “We’re letting you go. Have fun down there.”
“Yeah, I’ll try…” I said quietly as finally, my submarine began its descent.
I took a deep breath, and told myself again that everything would go fine. We had checked everything on this submarine. We’d tested it rigorously. I wouldn’t have allowed myself to set foot inside of it if I hadn’t personally assured that it was safe. But anxiety never really goes away, does it? The crew couldn’t accompany me far. After only a few meters, they fell behind me as I sank deeper and deeper into the infinite, empty blue of the ocean. Soon after, the tether was released.
I was officially on my own.
“60 feet,” I heard Sheila say over the radio. “How are you doing in there?”
“Good,” I replied. “Doing… doing good.”
The submarine continued to descend. Through the viewport, I could see a few stray fish, but nothing particularly eye catching. I almost felt alone down there… almost…
“120 feet…” Sheila said.
“Still doing good,” I replied.
The descent continued, as the waters slowly grew darker and darker.
“400 feet…”
Everything around me just kept getting darker and darker. Only a fraction of the light from the sun ever reached these depths… and I’d be lying if I said that darkness didn’t feel a little… oppressive.
“800 feet… still feeling good?”
“Yeah, still feeling good…” I said, although it was a bit of a lie. If anything, I was second guessing all of this, but I wasn’t about to say that out loud.
“1000 feet… still good?”
“Still good…” I murmured. “I hear you loud and clear.”
Deeper… deeper… deeper.
“1500 feet…”
Three miles. I was three miles away from home. Three miles away from Sheila.
“2000 feet…”
Still a ways to go.
“3000 feet…”
By this point, it was fully dark outside of my cockpit. Outside, all I could see was inky darkness. Even the submarine’s lights didn’t really cut through it. And the kicker? Relatively speaking, I wasn’t that deep. Fishing trawlers reached deeper than this. Better to conserve power until I was at the bottom. My descent continued.
“6000 feet… still good?”
“Still good…”
The check ins were becoming less frequent. My descent still continued… deeper… deeper… deeper. By now, I’d entered the Hadal Zone. But there was still so much deeper o go.
“8000 feet…”
This was past the depths that most whales would dive to… and I still had a ways to go.
“10,000 feet.”
This was close to where the ocean floor usually bottomed out… and yet there was still so much further to go. No. I was really only a third of the way there. How long had it been?Not much had happened beyond my descent and a few sightings out of my viewport, but time had been passing. A glance at my watch confirmed it’d been almost an hour since I’d started to sink… and I knew I wasn’t even close to the bottom yet. The submarine continued to descend, sinking ever deeper as I dropped into an infinite darkness that few had ever dared to witness.
“15,000 feet.”
This check in came later than the others. At this point, Sheila and the crew must have figured that no news was good news, and they were right. I just continued to sink peacefully, down into the crushing depths of the ocean.
These were the depths that one might normally find deep sea fish… and yet I was going somewhere even deeper than that.
“20,000 feet…”
So close…
I continued to sink.
“25,000 feet.”
Soon… and finally…
“30,000 feet. You still doing alright, honey?”
“Yeah… yeah, I’m doing good,” I assured her. I was so close…
By this point, my real work had begun. I’d engaged the lights and begun documenting what little I could see using the on board cameras. Granted, there wasn’t much life at these depths and what little there was, was scarcely documented. Most of what was down here consisted of invertebrates and microscopic life that seemed to float past my viewport.
The light seemed to draw a few creatures in search of food. Small, hardy things that resembled shrimp.
“How’s it looking, Grayson?”
“Dark,” I said, half joking. “We’ve got some life… shrimp. They’re translucent. Can’t get a great look at them… but we’ll see what the cameras pick up.”
“They’ve recognized you as a friend,” Sheila said. I could almost see the smile on her lips as she said it.
“Yeah…” I replied, “Tempura sent them a message, told them I’d be down. How am I looking on depth?”
“35,000 feet… you seeing a bottom yet?”
“No… not that I would until I was there.”
“Damn… how deep does this go?”
“It can’t go that deep…” I murmured, although I really wasn’t so sure about that.
The submarine continued to sink…
36,000 feet…
37,000 feet…
38,000 feet… and then finally, just past the 39,000 foot mark, I finally saw solid ground below me.
Looking through my viewport, I could see a familiar dark brown diatomaceous sludge, covering the seafloor. Microscopic life, likely similar to what had been observed in other deep sea trenches, such as the Challenger Deep.
I needed to gather a sample.
As my submarine reached the bottom, I extended the mechanical arms, pressed flat against the surface of the Tempura, and opened the collection port near the bottom of the ship. Slowly, I sifted some of the sludge into the port. My disturbance of the seafloor kicked up a cloud of the microbial colony, and I could’ve sworn I saw something wiggling through the debris. A pale, white thing, perhaps some sort of sea cucumber? I hastily angled my submarines camera to try and catch a glimpse of it, before returning to my collection. Even in this forlorn place, there was still so much to see! And here I was… completely forgetting my fear as the excitement took hold of me! Few people had ever been down to these unfathomable depths… and yet here I was.
It didn’t feel real but it was! I had reached the deepest part of the ocean!
“How’s it going down there?” I heard Sheila ask. Her voice was a little garbled. The connection down here was faltering.
“It’s beautiful…” I said. “I can’t wait for you to see it!”
“I’ll bet…”
“I’m going to do a sweep of the area, see what samples I can gather,” I said. “What’s my time right now?”
“Three hours. You’ve got nine before your connection to the weight deteriorates and you start to ascend.”
“I’ll make the most of it,” I said. The plan was only to stay down there for six hours, and I didn’t want to push that limit. Life support would only last me for so long, and one little error was all it would take for the ungodly pressure down here to crush me.
I began to move the submarine. Mobility was limited. This thing wasn’t built to travel far. But I still had some limited movement. I recorded all that I could, filming the shrimp that investigated my light, and the things that slithered and crawled through the muck, likely feeding on the carpet of single celled organisms that populated these depths.
The first two hours were… well… I hesitate to call them uneventful, they were actually very fascinating, but little of note happened beyond my recording of a few specimens.
Midway through the third hour though, as I was reaching one of the rock walls of the abyss, I noticed something just above the edge of my viewport swimming away from the light. I could’ve sworn I saw slender, pale tentacles of some sort. Was that a squid? Were there squid down this deep? I wasn’t aware of any species of known squid who could reach these depths… but in this unknown place, what use was the known?
I moved my light and my camera to try and catch another glimpse of it, but whatever it was, it seemed to be gone. Maybe I’d see another one. I still had plenty of time.
“You made a noise. What’d you see?” Sheila asked.
“Something big… I think,” I said.
“Down there? Like a fish?”
“Squid. You wouldn’t find any vertebrates down this deep… the pressure would crush their bones.”
“Jeez…”
I didn’t reply to that, still searching for the thing I’d seen. I shone my light up along the walls of the chasm and angled my camera up as far as it would go. I could see a few volcanic vents, spewing dark clouds into the darkness, and more diatoms. But not much else. Strange invertebrates crawled along the walls. Small creatures, no bigger than an inch long. Related to isopods, perhaps? If I could collect one as a sample, I would have… although taking any of those back to the surface would surely kill them. They were built to live under the impossible pressure of these depths. Taking them to the surface would rip them apart.
I went back to my research, and it wasn’t long until I saw something in the darkness, just on the edge of where my flashlight reached. Trailing white tendrils, snaking their way through the darkness. My eyes narrowed as I moved the submarine forward, trying to catch whatever it was in the light. I saw the shape move, its body turning… I saw its tendrils unfurling. Whatever this was, it was big. It was almost as big as The Tempura… although it was also slender. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought I was looking at some sort of floating debris, but this far down? No. And debris wouldn’t move like that.
This had to be a deepsea squid… or perhaps some other type of cephalopod? Something that preyed upon the various invertebrates down here, perhaps? It seemed to float, just out of sight for a bit, as I tried to get closer. I angled up my light to get a better look at it. The light seemed to shine through it, like some sort of ghost… but I did manage to get a look at it.
Although that look…
That single look made me freeze up.
This things slender tendrils certainly resembled a cephalopod of some sort, but the rest of it… the rest of it looked like something else entirely. Its body was thin, emaciated and translucent, yet despite that it still had characteristics that almost seemed… human. It wasn’t human! Not by any stretch of imagination, but the resemblance was there. It almost reminded me of an exhibit I’d seen in a museum once, depicting a preserved, fully removed human nervous system. I could see a similar shape in its translucent body. Its head seemed almost human as well… albeit with no eyes, and a lamprey like mouth I could only describe as fleshy yet crablike.
Still, despite having no eyes I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was looking at me. And that was when I felt something hit the submarine.
I felt a sudden jolt of panic in my chest. For a moment, I thought that the pressure had started to crush me, but no… no, everything was still fine. Something had just hit me. But what? It didn’t take long before I got my answer.
Another pale creature floated past my viewport, swirling gracefully in the cold dark waters. I watched it for a moment with wide eyes, before noticing its ‘head’ turning slightly toward me. Then, almost instantly, it launched itself at the submarine, darting toward me with blinding speed.
I heard a distinct THUD as its body collided with me, and I could see its pale tendrils pressing against the viewport, twisting and writhing violently. It was trying to attack me. The first creature that I’d seen lunged as well, pounding on my submarine with another THUD. And moments later, I could hear more impacts against the hull. There were more of them… and they did not like having me down there.
“What’s going on?” Sheila asked.
“Somebody doesn’t like me…” I said. “One of the animals down here… some kind of squid, it’s just started attacking the hull.”
“How bad is the damage?”
“Not sure… could be nothing, could be-”
I felt the submarine shake as I tried to move it. The thrusters that pushed me forward weren't responding. Had something gotten caught in it? One of the creatures perhaps?
“Grayson?!” Sheila asked.
“Lost propulsion…” I said. “Fuck… I can’t move.”
“Then drop the weight and come up!”
“No, it’s fine, there’s no other damage, I can still use the port and starboard thrusters to-”
“Grayson!”
I paused. There was genuine panic in her voice… enough to make me realize that even if these things stood little chance of actually breaching the hull, taking the risk would be a fatal mistake.
“I’m on my way up…” I finally said, before reaching out to disengage the ballast weights.
Immediately, I felt myself beginning to rise, although the tentacles clinging to my viewport didn’t disappear.
“We’ve got you…” Sheila said. “Rising up to 38,000 feet.”
The submarine continued to rise, but the creatures clinging to me went nowhere. In fact… I was sure I could see more of them. More pale shapes coming up through the darkness, and these ones filled me with dread. I thought I had been looking at some sort of eerie undiscovered life. But seeing what was coming up toward me now… I knew that I was looking at so much more. The creatures swimming up toward me through the darkness carried weapons… makeshift stone spears and daggers. Primitive tools… but tools all the same.
Signs that these were more than just undiscovered animals.
Much. Much more.
The word: ‘Mermaids’ crossed through my mind, but these were something far different than the ones I’d heard of in folklore. These looked like they’d swam out of the depths of hell itself. Boneless pale tendrils reached for me… and they were getting closer. The pale shapes reached my submarine as I rose higher. I kept praying to whatever God may be listening that the dropping pressure would force them off. The air in a submarine is pressurized, so during normal operation, there should have been no danger of decompression sickness for me.
For them… well… normally I’d feel a little guilty about subjecting an undiscovered species of deep sea mermaids to the horrors of the Bends. But given my circumstances, I didn’t have a lot of other options.
They didn’t let go, though.
They should have. But they didn’t.
What were these things?
I saw a splayed hand press against my viewport. Or… it somewhat resembled a hand. It had suckers on it, like a tentacle and the ‘fingers’ curled open like tentacles. The creature crawled over my viewport, clinging to The Tempura as it rose, and I could see the folds of its crablike mouth opening and pressing against the glass. I could see some sort of bile rising up through its translucent throat, before it secreted it all over my viewport. Was it trying to digest me? Was that how these things fed? How strong were its stomach acids? Were they strong enough to-
The window cracked.
My heart skipped a beat.
“No… no, no no…”
“Grayson, what’s wrong?!”
“They cracked the window… S-Sheila they… oh God… oh fuck, they just…”
“THEY DID WHAT?”
“It’s secreting some sort of enzyme… it’s on the window, it’s… FUCK… I’m gonna die… I’m gonna die… I’m gonna die…”
“You’re not gonna die, baby! Just… just keep ascending, okay? You’re at 30,000 feet… just keep going…”
I nodded, and kept on rising, although the question of whether or not the rest of the creatures were trying to digest the other parts of my submarine floated through my mind. How much damage could The Tempura take before it imploded? How much longer did I have? The submarine still continued to rise… 25,000 feet… almost halfway home… almost… almost.
The creature outside of my viewport slithered along the glass, searching for a better area to try and digest. Past him, I noticed a few of his companions dropping off. Maybe the change in pressure finally was getting to them?
From the corner of my eye, I suddenly noticed a flashing light. A warning. The hydraulics on one of the Tempura’s arms were shot… what else was damaged?
I checked my oxygen levels. 32%.
I should’ve had at least 14 hours of air. I’d only been down there for about 6 hours… I shouldn’t have been this low.
31%.
No… no, no, no, no… they’d damaged the air tanks!
30%.
29%
“20,000 feet!” Sheila said. “You still with me, baby?”
“Y-yeah…” I said. I didn’t mention my air situation. I didn’t need to worry her further.
The submarine continued its ascent.
15,000 feet.
24%. I was running out of time.
The creatures still clung to the Tempura. How had the pressure change not killed them yet? My oxygen was dropping faster than before. I was hemorrhaging air. Another crack formed across my viewport. I let out a little, involuntary gasp before trying to force myself to stop hyperventilating.
“Grayson, what was that?”
“I-it’s fine…” I stammered, “It’s fine!”
“Grayson what the hell is going on down there?!”
“They’re still on the submarine… they’re still…” I paused, looking at my oxygen levels. “19%...”
“19% of what? Grayson what’s going on!”
I paused.
18%.
“Air… I’m… I’m losing air…”
“That’s fine, you’re going to make it!” She said, although I heard her voice cracking a little. “You’re gonna make it!”
I didn’t answer.
12,000 feet.
11,000 feet…
My oxygen level continued to drop.
15%.
14%.
12%.
9,000 feet.
The creatures still clung to me, as the submarine continued to rise. The one on my viewport was still there, slowly crawling along the glass again. I stared into its eyeless face and swore I was looking at the face of my killer.
7,000 feet…
Oxygen had dropped to 9%. It dropped to 8% before I even got to 6,000 feet. I was going to die here…
The viewport cracked again and I squeezed my eyes shut. The submarine rocked. I was sure one of the thrusters had been damaged. My ascent slowed.
“Grayson, what’s going on?”
“I’m sorry Sheila…”
Another crack spread across my viewport.
“I’m… I’m not making it back up…”
“YES YOU ARE!”
“I’m sorry…” The tears started to come as the reality of my death became clearer and clearer… this was it.
“YOU’RE COMING BACK UP, YOU HEAR ME! GODDAMNIT, I’LL BRING YOU BACK UP!”
“I love you…”
That creatures face pressed against the glass. It vomited more of its stomach acid onto the cracked glass, and I wondered if this might finally be what broke it. Part of me hoped it would be… the one good thing about dying this deep was that at least I’d die quickly. My suffering would be over. Then, the creature suddenly pulled back, twisting and writhing violently. I saw other shapes moving past it in the water, other ‘mermaids’ that had been clinging to the submarine.
Something was agitating them.
Something was scaring them off.
Then I heard it, over the radio… whale songs.
“What the hell…?”
“Grayson, are you still there?!”
“I… they’re finally breaking off. Sheila, what did you do?”
“I’m broadcasting some of the orca recordings we’ve been using. Are they still clinging to you?”
“No! They’re backing off! I… whatever you’re doing, keep doing it!”
The submarine kept rising.
5,000 feet.
4,000 feet.
4% oxygen.
I could still do this, right?
The submarine continued to rise.
3%.
3,000 feet.
2,000 feet.
2%.
1,000 feet… so close… I was so close…
I could almost see the surface through my viewport, rushing up toward me. I tried not to breathe. Tried not to move. All I did was hope.
500 feet.
I closed my eyes.
“Grayson we have your signal, we’re coming to pick you up!”
Sheila’s voice sounded so far away as my submarine finally breached the surface of the water… and with the last of my strength, I pulled the emergency release on the hatch, and threw it open, taking in lungful after lungful of fresh salty air.
I didn’t dare so much as touch the water beneath me… but I was topside again, and in the distance, I could see The Burger!
“We see you!” Sheila said, “We’ve got you baby… we’ve got you…”
“I see you too…” I said through the tears. “Thank you… thank you…” I didn’t have any words left in me after that.
As soon as I was back on the ship, I collapsed into Sheila’s arms, breaking down into tears as I clung to her, terrified that at any moment, some sort of unspoken other shoe would drop and I’d lose her all over again.
“Shh… it’s alright baby… I’ve got you… you’re safe… you’re safe…” I felt her fingers running through my hair and I knew that what she said was true.
I was home.
I was safe.
***
I left my colleagues to review the data that the Tempura gathered during its short expedition. As far as I know, they haven’t published anything. I have a few ideas as to why, but I’ll keep those to myself. Let’s just say that some people would rather this information not become public.
I have a feeling that the Tempura may not be diving again for some time, if ever. I will confess that I do consider that a bit of a shame. Despite everything… I would consider it a success. It endured far more stressful conditions than I had expected, and from what I heard, required fewer repairs than I’d thought it would. But, even if it was approved for another dive, it wouldn’t be me piloting it. No. I will never be setting foot inside of that machine again, nor will I ever be returning to what my colleagues have been quietly referring to as ‘The Jenner Trench’.
I can’t.
Every night, I wake up crying after dreaming of pale shapes outside of my cracked viewport, clinging to Sheila and sobbing. I can’t put myself in that situation again.
I can’t.
Instead, I think I’m going to spend the next few years on solid ground. There’s a teaching position available at a local university. I think that might be the best place for me right now. Who knows, maybe I can help some other deadbeat discover a passion for marine biology.
After everything, my love for the sea remains unchanged… I’m just a little more wary of it, these days.
submitted by HeadOfSpectre to nosleep [link] [comments]
I looked over toward Sheila as she stood on the gangplank leading up to The Burger. I still couldn’t believe she named our research ship ‘The Burger’... emotional relevance be damned.
“It's not exactly history,” I corrected.
“Oh come on! If your survey is right, this trench might run even deeper than the Challenger Deep, and you’re gonna be the first person to explore it! How is that not exciting?”
“Might be deeper, we only have a limited amount of topological data. And even if it is deeper, we’re talking only a few hundred feet at most, it’s really not that im-”
Sheila silenced me with a kiss.
“Nerd.” She teased, and I found myself too flustered to reply. After five years of marriage, she still could leave me speechless with just a kiss. God… how did someone like me end up with a woman like that?
Then again, how did someone like me end up where I was in general? It was honestly a little overwhelming. Standing on the dock, getting ready to board that ship and join the ranks of Jacques Piccard and James Cameron (yes, that James Cameron) as one of the few people to take a manned submersible down to the deepest parts of the ocean. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little scared too. Diving down that deep could easily be a one way trip if even the slightest thing went wrong. My submarine would be experiencing between 600 to 1100 atmospheres of pressure and while we’d tested it over and over again to make sure it would actually be up for the challenge, there was still a lingering iota of doubt in the back of my mind. All that needed to go wrong was one little thing, and that would be it for me.
The scariest part is that I probably wouldn’t even know what had happened… I’d simply be gone… and Sheila would be alone. The thought of that caused a momentary spike of panic in my chest that almost made me want to call this whole thing off.
Almost.
But, then I felt her hand close around mine. I looked up into her bright blue eyes, and saw her gentle smile.
“You’re gonna be okay, hun,” She promised. “You and your team have been running the numbers, right? It’s gonna go just fine!”
I nodded slowly.
“It’s gonna go fine…” I repeated, before she leaned in to kiss me, and gently pulled me by the wrist up onto the deck of the Burger.
She was probably right.
It probably would be fine.
Probably…
The trench I’d be exploring was a fairly recent discovery, located south of Greenland, in a vast stretch of water situated directly between Newfoundland and Iceland. It’d been uncovered during a topological survey in the area, and my team had taken an interest in investigating it further. At minimum, it was believed to descend to about 35,000 feet deep (over 10,000 meters), although the current theory was that it might have run even deeper. Determining the exact depth of the yet unnamed chasm was just one of the intents of our dive. The rest was studying the organisms that might be found down there, and how they might have differed from the ones found in other deep ocean trenches (some variation being expected given the isolated environment they were developing in.)
I had to admit, it would be exciting to see what new life might have developed in a place such as this, especially if it ran even deeper than our predictions… and that excitement was enough to make me chase the fear of the risks out of my mind, even if it was only briefly. While Sheila went to make sure we were ready to embark, I caught myself wandering out toward the rear of the ship where my submarine, The Tempura, waited for me. Did this submarine deserve a better name than The Tempura? Probably. But, this was my project, so I got to name it and since Burger was already taken, Tempura was the next best name I had. I liked to think that the subs namesake might approve… if she hadn’t died fifteen years ago. Shrimp don’t live very long.
As the ship began to depart, I caught myself reminiscing on how I’d ended up here… it really was all because of those damn shrimp, wasn’t it? Well… maybe not all because of the shrimp. But they were certainly part of it. Back when I was a lot younger, I never really gave much of a shit about anything at all. I guess I did have a thing for the ocean… the great, romantic vastness of it. The sense of adventure that it beckoned with. The endless mysteries that lay within its dark depths. I used to read about it all the time when I was a kid and I especially loved the classic adventures: Verne’s 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, and Melville’s Moby Dick… but that love was just confined to my books. I didn’t really have any interest in actually going out and seeing the ocean. Hell, the idea of going to a beach and standing in the sun with my toes in the sand seemed miserable to me. I was happier (although calling myself happy might’ve been a little disingenuous) alone in my room, enjoying the company of books as opposed to people.
Then came the shrimp.
One of my online friends kept them as a hobby. He used to post pictures of his tanks all the time, and I always thought they looked kinda cool. He said that if I was interested in them, I should try keeping some for myself, and during a particularly bad bout of depression, I figured that maybe it might be worth a shot. So, I bought a cheap tank and some cheap decorations, bought myself some shrimp… and promptly watched them die over the next few weeks. That… that bothered me. I don’t know why but… it really bothered me. I’m still not entirely sure how to describe what it was that I was feeling. Guilt? Defeat? Shame? Here I was, trying to set up a habitat for these creatures just to have something to do to keep the suicidal ideation at bay, and I’d failed almost right out of the gate.
Was I just that bad? Was I just that much of a failure? Was this just going to go to shit just like everything else in my life did, because I was just such an abysmal piece of shit who barely deserved the life she had? Had I just not tried hard enough? Was I too apathetic? What had happened? What went wrong?
It bothered me.
It bothered me enough that I made up my mind to just dump the remaining shrimp down the toilet and toss everything. Forget about it. Move on. End of story. But… that wasn’t fair, was it? The shrimp didn’t all deserve to die just because I couldn’t be bothered, did they? Sure, they were just shrimp, but they were alive too, just like me. They deserved to be alive.
I owed it to them to try and keep them alive, didn’t I?
So… I didn’t dump the shrimp.
Instead, I started doing some reading. Started looking into what I was doing wrong and how to do it all better. I actually got really into it and a few months later, I had a nice planted tank. Looking back, it was amateur shit… but it made me happy. I’d even picked out names for my two favorite shrimp. Burger and Tempura. They’d been the last survivors of my original batch, and they were the ones I ended up caring about the most. Caring for Burger and Tempura gave me a purpose. It became an obsession… and that little obsession drove me to finally start turning my life around.
Like I said, shrimp don’t live for very long. Burger and Tempura were long dead by the time I graduated with a degree in Marine Biology. But they were the ones who inspired me to finally get my life in order. Hell, the shrimp were half the reason that I met Sheila. She was something of an aquarium fanatic too… we’d met on a forum, and gotten to talking. I found out that she just so happened to be studying Marine Biology at another school, and we bonded pretty quickly after that. After graduation, I moved to California to be with her and after that, the rest is history. She was my rock. She was the one who always pushed me to be the best possible version of myself… and I loved her more than I ever knew I could love someone.
A glance back at the shore, fading into the distance tore me out of my reminiscing, and I shifted my focus to the present, going over The Tempura to perform some quick checks. My colleagues and I would be checking and rechecking the submarine over the next two days as we made our way toward the dive spot. Considering the danger that descending that deep posed, I didn’t want to take a single unnecessary risk.
I had too much to live for, after all.
***
The day of the dive, I couldn’t notice how excited the rest of the crew seemed… well… Sheila’s usual crew seemed excited. I guess to them, this was just another research expedition, no different than the ones Sheila usually took this ship out on. Lately her research had been focused on the analysis and study of whale calls. Her recent voyages had involved following their pods, recording their calls and playing them back to see how the whales reacted. It was fascinating stuff, but my research was admittedly a lot different than that.
My obsession had drawn me to the denizens of the deep sea. I’d used The Burger for expeditions before, although none of them had been on quite the same scale as this one. Up until today, the most ambitious thing I’d done was send down unmanned submersibles with cameras. Those submersibles had typically returned. We had lost a few early on due to technical glitches, but the past few years had been blissfully uneventful. Logically, this dive would probably be uneventful as well. But it was still hard to get the jitters out of my head.
My team and I did the final checks necessary to make sure that The Tempura was good to go, before setting up the crane to begin lifting it up. In less than an hour, I’d be inside of that thing, descending to the darkest depths of the ocean.
It didn’t feel real.
I felt Sheila’s hand on my shoulder, and looked over at her.
“Moment of truth, huh?” She asked. She probably meant it to sound encouraging, but it just sounded ominous.
“Moment of truth…” I replied.
“You’re gonna be okay, honey. I know you will.”
She reached out to gently squeeze my hand and gave me a reassuring smile that I meekly returned.
“Yeah, it’s gonna be okay,” I agreed, although there was an element of a lie in it. Statistically, yes. It probably WOULD be okay. But there was that lingering anxiety in the back of my mind that just wouldn’t go away. I looked quietly out at the submarine before me and couldn’t shake the thought that it sort of looked like a giant coffin. Unconsciously, I found myself squeezing Sheila’s hand tighter than normal. She just held me close and pressed a kiss to the top of my head, before gently rubbing my back.
“You’ll be okay,” She promised.
“Dr. Jenner, we’re ready for you.” I heard one of my colleagues say.
Moment of truth.
I took one last look at Sheila, and gave her a quick kiss on the lips for luck. She smiled at me, and I smiled back anxiously at her before heading over toward the submarine.
The crew helped me enter the cockpit and get myself situated inside. The cockpit of the Tempura was fairly cramped and not particularly comfortable. Space and comfort aren’t really luxuries you can afford in a submarine like this. The instruments I needed took up a lot of space, leaving little room for me in there… and I am not a very big person.
Once I was inside, they sealed the hatch. Then the diagnostics checks began.
“Grayson, can you hear us in there?” I heard Sheila say through the radio.
“Loud and clear,” I replied.
“Great. We’ll keep in constant radio contact, just to monitor the signal. In the meanwhile, how’s everything looking in there?”
“Green across the board so far,” I said, although I hadn’t finished running all my final checks yet. Ultimately, nothing was out of place.
This submarine was as good to go as it was going to get.
“I’m all good in here,” I said once I was done. “You can drop me when you’re ready.”
“You got it, honey. Let’s get you in the water, run one final round of tests and start lowering you down.”
A short while later, I felt the submarine begin to move as the crane lifted it off the deck and lowered it into the water. The Tempura honestly resembled its namesake in a way, being long and cigar shaped, only vertically oriented instead of horizontally oriented. We’d admittedly taken more than a few design cues from James Cameron’s Deepsea Challenger. Why fix what isn’t broken, after all?
Once I was in the water, a 1000 pound releasable ballast weight would cause the submarine to sink. Releasing that weight was also my ticket back to the surface, and I could either trigger it from inside the cockpit, or, in the event that the release failed for any reason, it would trigger automatically after roughly 12 hours of exposure to salt water.
Ideally, this would be the first of a number of dives I’d be undertaking… and if all went according to plan, the Tempura could be the first of many similar submarines that would allow other researchers to safely and effectively descend to extreme depths. If all went well, this could be a massive leap forward for researchers like me, allowing us to better explore the deepest depths of the Hadal Zone and learn all we could about the ecosystems down there via direct observation.
If all went well.
If.
Through the viewport, I watched as I was lowered into the ocean. A few of the other crew members had donned diving gear to escort me down, and after they did their final checks and I did mine, we were fully ready to go.
“All’s green across the board,” I said into the radio. “You can start my descent.”
“I hear you, honey,” Sheila replied. “We’re letting you go. Have fun down there.”
“Yeah, I’ll try…” I said quietly as finally, my submarine began its descent.
I took a deep breath, and told myself again that everything would go fine. We had checked everything on this submarine. We’d tested it rigorously. I wouldn’t have allowed myself to set foot inside of it if I hadn’t personally assured that it was safe. But anxiety never really goes away, does it? The crew couldn’t accompany me far. After only a few meters, they fell behind me as I sank deeper and deeper into the infinite, empty blue of the ocean. Soon after, the tether was released.
I was officially on my own.
“60 feet,” I heard Sheila say over the radio. “How are you doing in there?”
“Good,” I replied. “Doing… doing good.”
The submarine continued to descend. Through the viewport, I could see a few stray fish, but nothing particularly eye catching. I almost felt alone down there… almost…
“120 feet…” Sheila said.
“Still doing good,” I replied.
The descent continued, as the waters slowly grew darker and darker.
“400 feet…”
Everything around me just kept getting darker and darker. Only a fraction of the light from the sun ever reached these depths… and I’d be lying if I said that darkness didn’t feel a little… oppressive.
“800 feet… still feeling good?”
“Yeah, still feeling good…” I said, although it was a bit of a lie. If anything, I was second guessing all of this, but I wasn’t about to say that out loud.
“1000 feet… still good?”
“Still good…” I murmured. “I hear you loud and clear.”
Deeper… deeper… deeper.
“1500 feet…”
Three miles. I was three miles away from home. Three miles away from Sheila.
“2000 feet…”
Still a ways to go.
“3000 feet…”
By this point, it was fully dark outside of my cockpit. Outside, all I could see was inky darkness. Even the submarine’s lights didn’t really cut through it. And the kicker? Relatively speaking, I wasn’t that deep. Fishing trawlers reached deeper than this. Better to conserve power until I was at the bottom. My descent continued.
“6000 feet… still good?”
“Still good…”
The check ins were becoming less frequent. My descent still continued… deeper… deeper… deeper. By now, I’d entered the Hadal Zone. But there was still so much deeper o go.
“8000 feet…”
This was past the depths that most whales would dive to… and I still had a ways to go.
“10,000 feet.”
This was close to where the ocean floor usually bottomed out… and yet there was still so much further to go. No. I was really only a third of the way there. How long had it been?Not much had happened beyond my descent and a few sightings out of my viewport, but time had been passing. A glance at my watch confirmed it’d been almost an hour since I’d started to sink… and I knew I wasn’t even close to the bottom yet. The submarine continued to descend, sinking ever deeper as I dropped into an infinite darkness that few had ever dared to witness.
“15,000 feet.”
This check in came later than the others. At this point, Sheila and the crew must have figured that no news was good news, and they were right. I just continued to sink peacefully, down into the crushing depths of the ocean.
These were the depths that one might normally find deep sea fish… and yet I was going somewhere even deeper than that.
“20,000 feet…”
So close…
I continued to sink.
“25,000 feet.”
Soon… and finally…
“30,000 feet. You still doing alright, honey?”
“Yeah… yeah, I’m doing good,” I assured her. I was so close…
By this point, my real work had begun. I’d engaged the lights and begun documenting what little I could see using the on board cameras. Granted, there wasn’t much life at these depths and what little there was, was scarcely documented. Most of what was down here consisted of invertebrates and microscopic life that seemed to float past my viewport.
The light seemed to draw a few creatures in search of food. Small, hardy things that resembled shrimp.
“How’s it looking, Grayson?”
“Dark,” I said, half joking. “We’ve got some life… shrimp. They’re translucent. Can’t get a great look at them… but we’ll see what the cameras pick up.”
“They’ve recognized you as a friend,” Sheila said. I could almost see the smile on her lips as she said it.
“Yeah…” I replied, “Tempura sent them a message, told them I’d be down. How am I looking on depth?”
“35,000 feet… you seeing a bottom yet?”
“No… not that I would until I was there.”
“Damn… how deep does this go?”
“It can’t go that deep…” I murmured, although I really wasn’t so sure about that.
The submarine continued to sink…
36,000 feet…
37,000 feet…
38,000 feet… and then finally, just past the 39,000 foot mark, I finally saw solid ground below me.
Looking through my viewport, I could see a familiar dark brown diatomaceous sludge, covering the seafloor. Microscopic life, likely similar to what had been observed in other deep sea trenches, such as the Challenger Deep.
I needed to gather a sample.
As my submarine reached the bottom, I extended the mechanical arms, pressed flat against the surface of the Tempura, and opened the collection port near the bottom of the ship. Slowly, I sifted some of the sludge into the port. My disturbance of the seafloor kicked up a cloud of the microbial colony, and I could’ve sworn I saw something wiggling through the debris. A pale, white thing, perhaps some sort of sea cucumber? I hastily angled my submarines camera to try and catch a glimpse of it, before returning to my collection. Even in this forlorn place, there was still so much to see! And here I was… completely forgetting my fear as the excitement took hold of me! Few people had ever been down to these unfathomable depths… and yet here I was.
It didn’t feel real but it was! I had reached the deepest part of the ocean!
“How’s it going down there?” I heard Sheila ask. Her voice was a little garbled. The connection down here was faltering.
“It’s beautiful…” I said. “I can’t wait for you to see it!”
“I’ll bet…”
“I’m going to do a sweep of the area, see what samples I can gather,” I said. “What’s my time right now?”
“Three hours. You’ve got nine before your connection to the weight deteriorates and you start to ascend.”
“I’ll make the most of it,” I said. The plan was only to stay down there for six hours, and I didn’t want to push that limit. Life support would only last me for so long, and one little error was all it would take for the ungodly pressure down here to crush me.
I began to move the submarine. Mobility was limited. This thing wasn’t built to travel far. But I still had some limited movement. I recorded all that I could, filming the shrimp that investigated my light, and the things that slithered and crawled through the muck, likely feeding on the carpet of single celled organisms that populated these depths.
The first two hours were… well… I hesitate to call them uneventful, they were actually very fascinating, but little of note happened beyond my recording of a few specimens.
Midway through the third hour though, as I was reaching one of the rock walls of the abyss, I noticed something just above the edge of my viewport swimming away from the light. I could’ve sworn I saw slender, pale tentacles of some sort. Was that a squid? Were there squid down this deep? I wasn’t aware of any species of known squid who could reach these depths… but in this unknown place, what use was the known?
I moved my light and my camera to try and catch another glimpse of it, but whatever it was, it seemed to be gone. Maybe I’d see another one. I still had plenty of time.
“You made a noise. What’d you see?” Sheila asked.
“Something big… I think,” I said.
“Down there? Like a fish?”
“Squid. You wouldn’t find any vertebrates down this deep… the pressure would crush their bones.”
“Jeez…”
I didn’t reply to that, still searching for the thing I’d seen. I shone my light up along the walls of the chasm and angled my camera up as far as it would go. I could see a few volcanic vents, spewing dark clouds into the darkness, and more diatoms. But not much else. Strange invertebrates crawled along the walls. Small creatures, no bigger than an inch long. Related to isopods, perhaps? If I could collect one as a sample, I would have… although taking any of those back to the surface would surely kill them. They were built to live under the impossible pressure of these depths. Taking them to the surface would rip them apart.
I went back to my research, and it wasn’t long until I saw something in the darkness, just on the edge of where my flashlight reached. Trailing white tendrils, snaking their way through the darkness. My eyes narrowed as I moved the submarine forward, trying to catch whatever it was in the light. I saw the shape move, its body turning… I saw its tendrils unfurling. Whatever this was, it was big. It was almost as big as The Tempura… although it was also slender. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought I was looking at some sort of floating debris, but this far down? No. And debris wouldn’t move like that.
This had to be a deepsea squid… or perhaps some other type of cephalopod? Something that preyed upon the various invertebrates down here, perhaps? It seemed to float, just out of sight for a bit, as I tried to get closer. I angled up my light to get a better look at it. The light seemed to shine through it, like some sort of ghost… but I did manage to get a look at it.
Although that look…
That single look made me freeze up.
This things slender tendrils certainly resembled a cephalopod of some sort, but the rest of it… the rest of it looked like something else entirely. Its body was thin, emaciated and translucent, yet despite that it still had characteristics that almost seemed… human. It wasn’t human! Not by any stretch of imagination, but the resemblance was there. It almost reminded me of an exhibit I’d seen in a museum once, depicting a preserved, fully removed human nervous system. I could see a similar shape in its translucent body. Its head seemed almost human as well… albeit with no eyes, and a lamprey like mouth I could only describe as fleshy yet crablike.
Still, despite having no eyes I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was looking at me. And that was when I felt something hit the submarine.
I felt a sudden jolt of panic in my chest. For a moment, I thought that the pressure had started to crush me, but no… no, everything was still fine. Something had just hit me. But what? It didn’t take long before I got my answer.
Another pale creature floated past my viewport, swirling gracefully in the cold dark waters. I watched it for a moment with wide eyes, before noticing its ‘head’ turning slightly toward me. Then, almost instantly, it launched itself at the submarine, darting toward me with blinding speed.
I heard a distinct THUD as its body collided with me, and I could see its pale tendrils pressing against the viewport, twisting and writhing violently. It was trying to attack me. The first creature that I’d seen lunged as well, pounding on my submarine with another THUD. And moments later, I could hear more impacts against the hull. There were more of them… and they did not like having me down there.
“What’s going on?” Sheila asked.
“Somebody doesn’t like me…” I said. “One of the animals down here… some kind of squid, it’s just started attacking the hull.”
“How bad is the damage?”
“Not sure… could be nothing, could be-”
I felt the submarine shake as I tried to move it. The thrusters that pushed me forward weren't responding. Had something gotten caught in it? One of the creatures perhaps?
“Grayson?!” Sheila asked.
“Lost propulsion…” I said. “Fuck… I can’t move.”
“Then drop the weight and come up!”
“No, it’s fine, there’s no other damage, I can still use the port and starboard thrusters to-”
“Grayson!”
I paused. There was genuine panic in her voice… enough to make me realize that even if these things stood little chance of actually breaching the hull, taking the risk would be a fatal mistake.
“I’m on my way up…” I finally said, before reaching out to disengage the ballast weights.
Immediately, I felt myself beginning to rise, although the tentacles clinging to my viewport didn’t disappear.
“We’ve got you…” Sheila said. “Rising up to 38,000 feet.”
The submarine continued to rise, but the creatures clinging to me went nowhere. In fact… I was sure I could see more of them. More pale shapes coming up through the darkness, and these ones filled me with dread. I thought I had been looking at some sort of eerie undiscovered life. But seeing what was coming up toward me now… I knew that I was looking at so much more. The creatures swimming up toward me through the darkness carried weapons… makeshift stone spears and daggers. Primitive tools… but tools all the same.
Signs that these were more than just undiscovered animals.
Much. Much more.
The word: ‘Mermaids’ crossed through my mind, but these were something far different than the ones I’d heard of in folklore. These looked like they’d swam out of the depths of hell itself. Boneless pale tendrils reached for me… and they were getting closer. The pale shapes reached my submarine as I rose higher. I kept praying to whatever God may be listening that the dropping pressure would force them off. The air in a submarine is pressurized, so during normal operation, there should have been no danger of decompression sickness for me.
For them… well… normally I’d feel a little guilty about subjecting an undiscovered species of deep sea mermaids to the horrors of the Bends. But given my circumstances, I didn’t have a lot of other options.
They didn’t let go, though.
They should have. But they didn’t.
What were these things?
I saw a splayed hand press against my viewport. Or… it somewhat resembled a hand. It had suckers on it, like a tentacle and the ‘fingers’ curled open like tentacles. The creature crawled over my viewport, clinging to The Tempura as it rose, and I could see the folds of its crablike mouth opening and pressing against the glass. I could see some sort of bile rising up through its translucent throat, before it secreted it all over my viewport. Was it trying to digest me? Was that how these things fed? How strong were its stomach acids? Were they strong enough to-
The window cracked.
My heart skipped a beat.
“No… no, no no…”
“Grayson, what’s wrong?!”
“They cracked the window… S-Sheila they… oh God… oh fuck, they just…”
“THEY DID WHAT?”
“It’s secreting some sort of enzyme… it’s on the window, it’s… FUCK… I’m gonna die… I’m gonna die… I’m gonna die…”
“You’re not gonna die, baby! Just… just keep ascending, okay? You’re at 30,000 feet… just keep going…”
I nodded, and kept on rising, although the question of whether or not the rest of the creatures were trying to digest the other parts of my submarine floated through my mind. How much damage could The Tempura take before it imploded? How much longer did I have? The submarine still continued to rise… 25,000 feet… almost halfway home… almost… almost.
The creature outside of my viewport slithered along the glass, searching for a better area to try and digest. Past him, I noticed a few of his companions dropping off. Maybe the change in pressure finally was getting to them?
From the corner of my eye, I suddenly noticed a flashing light. A warning. The hydraulics on one of the Tempura’s arms were shot… what else was damaged?
I checked my oxygen levels. 32%.
I should’ve had at least 14 hours of air. I’d only been down there for about 6 hours… I shouldn’t have been this low.
31%.
No… no, no, no, no… they’d damaged the air tanks!
30%.
29%
“20,000 feet!” Sheila said. “You still with me, baby?”
“Y-yeah…” I said. I didn’t mention my air situation. I didn’t need to worry her further.
The submarine continued its ascent.
15,000 feet.
24%. I was running out of time.
The creatures still clung to the Tempura. How had the pressure change not killed them yet? My oxygen was dropping faster than before. I was hemorrhaging air. Another crack formed across my viewport. I let out a little, involuntary gasp before trying to force myself to stop hyperventilating.
“Grayson, what was that?”
“I-it’s fine…” I stammered, “It’s fine!”
“Grayson what the hell is going on down there?!”
“They’re still on the submarine… they’re still…” I paused, looking at my oxygen levels. “19%...”
“19% of what? Grayson what’s going on!”
I paused.
18%.
“Air… I’m… I’m losing air…”
“That’s fine, you’re going to make it!” She said, although I heard her voice cracking a little. “You’re gonna make it!”
I didn’t answer.
12,000 feet.
11,000 feet…
My oxygen level continued to drop.
15%.
14%.
12%.
9,000 feet.
The creatures still clung to me, as the submarine continued to rise. The one on my viewport was still there, slowly crawling along the glass again. I stared into its eyeless face and swore I was looking at the face of my killer.
7,000 feet…
Oxygen had dropped to 9%. It dropped to 8% before I even got to 6,000 feet. I was going to die here…
The viewport cracked again and I squeezed my eyes shut. The submarine rocked. I was sure one of the thrusters had been damaged. My ascent slowed.
“Grayson, what’s going on?”
“I’m sorry Sheila…”
Another crack spread across my viewport.
“I’m… I’m not making it back up…”
“YES YOU ARE!”
“I’m sorry…” The tears started to come as the reality of my death became clearer and clearer… this was it.
“YOU’RE COMING BACK UP, YOU HEAR ME! GODDAMNIT, I’LL BRING YOU BACK UP!”
“I love you…”
That creatures face pressed against the glass. It vomited more of its stomach acid onto the cracked glass, and I wondered if this might finally be what broke it. Part of me hoped it would be… the one good thing about dying this deep was that at least I’d die quickly. My suffering would be over. Then, the creature suddenly pulled back, twisting and writhing violently. I saw other shapes moving past it in the water, other ‘mermaids’ that had been clinging to the submarine.
Something was agitating them.
Something was scaring them off.
Then I heard it, over the radio… whale songs.
“What the hell…?”
“Grayson, are you still there?!”
“I… they’re finally breaking off. Sheila, what did you do?”
“I’m broadcasting some of the orca recordings we’ve been using. Are they still clinging to you?”
“No! They’re backing off! I… whatever you’re doing, keep doing it!”
The submarine kept rising.
5,000 feet.
4,000 feet.
4% oxygen.
I could still do this, right?
The submarine continued to rise.
3%.
3,000 feet.
2,000 feet.
2%.
1,000 feet… so close… I was so close…
I could almost see the surface through my viewport, rushing up toward me. I tried not to breathe. Tried not to move. All I did was hope.
500 feet.
I closed my eyes.
“Grayson we have your signal, we’re coming to pick you up!”
Sheila’s voice sounded so far away as my submarine finally breached the surface of the water… and with the last of my strength, I pulled the emergency release on the hatch, and threw it open, taking in lungful after lungful of fresh salty air.
I didn’t dare so much as touch the water beneath me… but I was topside again, and in the distance, I could see The Burger!
“We see you!” Sheila said, “We’ve got you baby… we’ve got you…”
“I see you too…” I said through the tears. “Thank you… thank you…” I didn’t have any words left in me after that.
As soon as I was back on the ship, I collapsed into Sheila’s arms, breaking down into tears as I clung to her, terrified that at any moment, some sort of unspoken other shoe would drop and I’d lose her all over again.
“Shh… it’s alright baby… I’ve got you… you’re safe… you’re safe…” I felt her fingers running through my hair and I knew that what she said was true.
I was home.
I was safe.
***
I left my colleagues to review the data that the Tempura gathered during its short expedition. As far as I know, they haven’t published anything. I have a few ideas as to why, but I’ll keep those to myself. Let’s just say that some people would rather this information not become public.
I have a feeling that the Tempura may not be diving again for some time, if ever. I will confess that I do consider that a bit of a shame. Despite everything… I would consider it a success. It endured far more stressful conditions than I had expected, and from what I heard, required fewer repairs than I’d thought it would. But, even if it was approved for another dive, it wouldn’t be me piloting it. No. I will never be setting foot inside of that machine again, nor will I ever be returning to what my colleagues have been quietly referring to as ‘The Jenner Trench’.
I can’t.
Every night, I wake up crying after dreaming of pale shapes outside of my cracked viewport, clinging to Sheila and sobbing. I can’t put myself in that situation again.
I can’t.
Instead, I think I’m going to spend the next few years on solid ground. There’s a teaching position available at a local university. I think that might be the best place for me right now. Who knows, maybe I can help some other deadbeat discover a passion for marine biology.
After everything, my love for the sea remains unchanged… I’m just a little more wary of it, these days.
2024.05.15 18:47 tgiokdi Out now: "Star Trek #20"
Out now: "Star Trek #20" by Collin Kelly Jackson Lanzing with covers by Taurin Clarke, J.J. Lendl, Megan Levens and published by IDW Publishing
submitted by tgiokdi to trekbooks [link] [comments]
Having revealed their true godlike identity, T’Lir is relying on Captain Sisko to help repair Kahless’ damage to space-time and save their species from extinction. Despite the Prophets’ eerie warning that Sisko is forbidden at the Pleroma-a meeting place for god-level species at intersecting space-time coordinates-he and his crew head to the Utopia Planitia Federation Shipyards for a retrofit to the Theseus in preparation to boldly take on the unknown. Meanwhile, a mysterious figure from Section 31 approaches Lily with a mission, claiming the Federation’s future is in her hands.