I've never been good at school, and since elementary school my teachers have been having a hard time trying to teach me stuff and getting me to remember it. I'm terrible at basically every subject, especially math. I remember there was so many times my teachers had to talk to my parents about me not being able to add or subtract as fast as the other kids, and from 1st-5th grade i basically spent all of my time after school sitting at the table with my parents yelling at me trying to get me to understand my homework but for some reason i was just too dumb to understand simple math.
With stuff like reading and writing, I was pretty average up until sixth grade, now I have to reread things a couple of times to fully process it because it feels like I'm just looking at the words and writing things like essays is very difficult for me because I will get bored or find it too hard and get distracted.
I graduated high school a year late because I failed every single class sophomore year, passed 2/6 classes junior year, and I spent my senior trying to make up the classes I failed but couldn't complete them all on time because I found the work really difficult. Before the start of my senior year, I was sent to an alternative school that was supposed to make things easier for me but I never made any progress, so I got put in independent study as a second time senior. In independent study, you don't actually have a teacher so you have to teach yourself, I got very lazy and bored of having to do my classes so I ended up just cheating which is the only reason I didn't become a third year senior.
I've also never had any interests or hobbies. As a kid I would just play with my dolls when I had time during school breaks or the weekend, but I was never in any clubs. I have no hobbies because honestly I don't like anything, and I never really have. I secretly don't want to do anything with my life and would rather spend it rotting away in bed and on my phone, but I know that's just because I'm incredibly lazy and unmotivated.
I've had tutors, I've been put in support classes, and I've made no progress. I have no idea what I want to do with my life, or what career I could tolerate having. Most of my friends are in college and even if they've changed their majors they at least have had some idea from the start what they want to do, or they're not as dumb as me. Also, this isn't an insecurity thing where I just think I'm dumb, I literally am. Most people think I'm so dumb that I lack common sense and can't do things that anyone with a brain could do, like being able to order my own food or driving a car.
I don't think it would be a good idea to take a gap year because I'm already turning 19, and don't want to be a 20 year old freshman. I'm also incredibly embarrassed about this because my friends don't really understand how I could possibly not like anything or have literally no idea what I want to do with my life and everyone just thinks I'm lazy (which I am but I really don't want to be). I have no idea what to do because I don't want to waste my parent's money and end up dropping out because I'll be too stupid for the work, but they're making me go. My parents are acting as if this is an easy decision to make and keep saying I'm the only girl in the world who doesn't know what she wants to do.
tl;dr
never been good at school, never had any hobbies, i don't like anything, and i'm very dumb. i need to go to college, but i'm not sure what i should go for and i'm afraid of dropping out and wasting my parent's money.

Gender: Trust me, I would love to have the satisfaction of saying that my gender identity was easy to decipher, but it very much isn't. When I was a very small child, maybe around six or seven years old, I was playing with my toys, and then out of nowhere I got the super strong feeling that I was born in the wrong body, that when I was born, God had put me in a female body when he should’ve actually put me in a male body. I had always understood boys more than I understood girls; I believed myself to be an oy, but after I told my mother this feeling, we got into a one-sided heated argument with my mother. I decided to just identify as a tomboy, since her saying I was born a girl, so that's what I was, didn't change how I feel. When I was in sixth grade, I didn’t necessarily feel like a boy or a girl; I just felt super gender neutral, like I wasn’t anything at all; I was just a person, but at the beginning of high school, I began to feel super masculinely aligned again. As time went on, I felt a lot more genders; sometimes I feel like a man; sometimes I feel like a woman; sometimes I feel gender neutral; sometimes I feel completely genderless; and for a long time, I identified as genderfluid, but for the last three weeks, my gender has been suspiciously absent, and it’s actually starting to stress me out. Most of the time I feel masculine and gender neutral at the same time; sometimes I feel genderless but also feminine, but now I just feel absolutely nothing at all.
Sexuality: I forced myself to be attracted to people because I thought that's what I was supposed to do because all the other kids my age were being in love; I just became really good friends with my 'crushes' and never wanted to kiss, hold hands, or do more than just hang out; I never thought any of my classmates were attractive; if society deems someone attractive, then so do I; I never realize people are genuinely drawn to people they think are attractive and want to DO things with them; I think romance is gross when I see it IRL or between live-action people and think it should just stay in books or non-live-action media. I just think people of any gender presentation look pretty. Growing up, I developed a 'crush' on anyone who was nice to me; I had a crush on ALL my friends and just wanted to hang out with them a lot; I got super uncomfortable and my attraction faded when we became 'intimate' with me like holding hands or wanting to date; and I feel this towards ALL genders, so I thought I was pan. But inside my head is the only place I feel sexual and romantic attraction, and it's only between non-live action characters and is always experienced from a 3rd-person perspective. Love and sex are just a storyline to me; I feel the romantic and sexual emotions of the character I'm telling the story's perspective from, but once the storyline ends, so does my attraction. I have a libido; I still experience personal desires, but I find that they can be managed easily on my own. I feel very repulsed by the idea of having sex with someone else. But, when I do get aroused, it's sexual attraction to anyone of any gender, but again, it's viewed from the 3rd-person perspective. After the solo mumbo jumbo, the arousal and sexual attraction fade into nothing; I even get repulsed by sex and romance for a long while after solo spicy adventures. I genuinely don't understand how somebody looks at someone else and wants to touch them, kiss them, and have sex with them. It's always been "Oh, they're pretty!"; it's never been "Oh, they're pretty; I want to date/have sex with them!". When I was a kid, I was a hopeless romantic; I wanted to find my soulmate, but the way of doing that was unrealistic. It was more like a remix of a Disney movie rather than something I actually wanted. I saw other kids my age have crushes, and adults always asked me if I was going to get a boyfriend, so I always thought it was something I was supposed to want, but I don't. I'm fine with being single forever. I'm happy this way, but I also don't want to do anything with anyone, so I feel as though I'm somehow on both the a-spec and m-spec. I’m not sure how exactly. All I know is that I consider both men and women attractive, but I don’t necessarily care about their gender identity when it comes to finding them attractive or not. I honestly can't understand how someone wants to do romantic or sexual things with another person. I dated this one guy in my freshman year, and it only lasted a week, and I avoided him like the plague the whole time. I felt all mushy and blushy when we talked and did things together, but once we started dating, I got super uncomfortable. We texted, and I was a huge flirt, saying we could hold hands and all that stuff , but when I went to school and he wanted to hold hands, I didn't want that. I didn't like being touched in a romantic way. I'm fine with my friends, though. What's confusing is that, at the same time as never wanting or feeling romantic attraction, I still want to do those things. I literally only feel romantic and sexual attraction to fictional characters. Because I am attracted to [female OC] and [male OC] (currently speaking, not speaking about past fictional crushes). I always have the strongest desire to be with [female OC], touch her, kiss her, and do other things, but I don't feel those things in the real world. She is literally my soulmate. Yes, romance and sex are still just a storyline to me, but I would say that I am in love with her. And sometimes the same can be said for [male OC]. There are some moments where I, Rowan, will get blushy and just smitten over him, but again, it's never in the real world. Would this even be considered a romantic or sexual attraction? I think it would. It's very rare when I feel something for real-world people, but it's always on the a-spectrum, like cupioromantic or grey-, for example. The reason I think I have a gender preference is because my entire life I have only been introduced to boys and girls, and the only queer people that I see are online, and all of them are attractive regardless of their gender, but again, that’s only online. How do I know if I actually feel that in the real world? How do I know if this is even a romantic attraction or just an aesthetic attraction? @DannyPhantomexe and @_augustskyz_ are both hot as heck, and just seeing them on my For You page gets me giddy. I honestly don’t know how to explain this part (m-spec) any better. I was brought up in a ultra-conservative Christian family and community, so I’ve only ever been introduced to gender men and women, so I’ve only ever been attracted to men and women, but when I am online, I find everybody attractive, regardless of what their gender is. If they have an objectively pretty appearance, then I think they are pretty. Growing up, obviously, I was attracted to men, because that’s all I ever grew up thinking was OK, but I just remember seeing girls on TV and thinking that they were so pretty, wanting to hold hands with them, and wanting to snuggle and cuddle with them. but I just thought that meant I just wanted to be really good friends with them and wasn’t anything romantic. But knowing about the queer community nowadays, I would technically consider that romantic. Any ideas as to what this would be?
— Rowan (they/he)

Imagine being told the house would take 10-13 months to build. And then imagine being assigned a crappy construction manager named Kevin Thornton and waiting 18+ months for the completion of your home, who seemed to only been hired because his brother Chris Thornton was already a construction manager for the company.
Being told 4 false closing dates. Having to lose a good interest rate because they don’t know how to build a house within a reasonable time. I’ve seen whole apartment complexes built in the time we’ve been waiting.
Having to reach out to said construction manager and the sale consultant Zac Davidson every single month to get an update when you were told you would get an update roughly every two weeks. Being lied to every single month. Trish is also a dishonest unprofessional woman who constantly dodges phone calls and lies about everything.
Finding a crappy job being done in the primary bathroom shower and them having to rip it out and start over again, because part of the shower wall was bowing out into a triangle shape and the small square tiles were not flat and straight with tons of extra grout around them. Having a crappy grading job where 1/3 of the back yard is unusable. And nothing can be done about it, Holiday Builders just loves cheap labor.
Going through a full roll of blue painters tape to point out all the flaws in the construction, where the manager will run out of tape, but luckily we brought some to continue using half the roll. And they still didn’t fix everything the first go around, where we had to call them back multiple times to fix the issues described at the first walkthrough, after closing. You’ll find paint on every single door handle in the house. And paint splatter all over your floors. Different caulking colors used on the countertops right next to each other. You’ll ask them to paint the water access water into the home because it looked like crap the first time and then they’ll make it worse and also paint the grass and gutter runoff as well because they simple don’t give a hoot about anything.
They even had to rip up two parts of the yard to have water and septic lines in place inspected because they forgot and now we’re stuck with even more shitty grading and yard work because of that.
They’ll schedule exterior stuff after laying sod down that end up leaving the yard dug up and not manicured and looking like trash. And then you’ll wait weeks for them to come fix it.
They give you a smart door lock that’s supposed to come with the Rekeying tool, but they won’t give it to you for unspecified reasons, even though you paid for it. You’ll ask if the front door lock is a smart/Wi-Fi compatible one. They’ll say no, but after reading the manual you’ll find out it is. They don’t even know how the products they’re installing works!
Being told a shower door for the primary bathroom isn’t even included after finding out 1 week before closing, seems like their architects failed physics, because water still gets out the shower with a door there if it’s it recessed. Finding out that something as inexpensive as cabinet handles are not included and finding out after the first walkthrough that they’re an “expensive upgrade”, when it was never mentioned during the upgrades selection. Why would I upgrade to 42” upper cabinets and soft close but not op for handles, does that make sense to you. Paying nearly 400k for a house and they can’t even do these simple thing’s correctly or offer these simple things as standard. What if someone had a disability and opening cabinets without handles is extremely difficult for them. Holiday Builders doesn’t give a single hoot about you if that’s the case.
When blinds and a refrigerator and a washer and dryer and a garage door openers are already not included. I would expect the said things above be STANDARD! And a sales consultant that only cares about his paycheck and his ego, than the customer named Zac Davidson, who won’t let you know certain basic things are an upgrade. Zac Davidson is a man that gets his feelings hurt when he gets caught in a lie and starts to be disrespectful when he doesn’t agree with something you’re trying to explain to him.
Holiday builders doesn’t care about the customer. They only care about their wallets. They’ll rush to get the CO before having everything installed. In hopes of you signing before notice they put a hole in your drywall while installing your shelves. Or better yet the construction manager won’t even walkthrough the house prior to have any touch ups or fixes done before the first walk through. We found out our water heater wasn’t even hooked up correctly after closing. Holiday Builders are real comedians.
The trades that they hire can’t even get simple things done like paint and caulking and not painting the floor and door handles, we basically covered the whole house in blue tape and only 50% of it was taken care it. 50% of the trims around the door frames were missing paint and the other 50% looked like a blind man painted the door frames, thick goops of paint and splatter everywhere. They’ll even make sure the caulking where the base boards meet the dry wall has spider web cracking in every single ROOM. Every single one of these trades and construction managers need glasses because I do not honestly understand how you can be proud of your work and let customers find this type of garbage work.
We were so fed up with this process we ended up just fixing all of the issues ourselves. Don’t build with them unless you’re okay with paying for upgrades on basic things that should be standard and you’ll have to ask the construction managers like they’re a 4th grader if they completed their homework. And having to do all the basic touch ups yourselves. It’s extremely frustrating and sad that I can’t be excited about being my first home because of this shitty fucking experience. Also any response to this review will be taken as passive aggressive, if you state that this was taken care of because it wasn’t, everything still looks like shit.
The plumbers and septic company they use suck too. We’re still dealing with sewage smells in our home that they can’t figure out. Constant back ups due to poor plumbing ventilation and workmanship. The plumbers came to investigate and didn’t even have any of the right tools or equipment to do anything and had to borrow my equipment. If you’re wondering which clowns they use. Naber Plumbing and Brain David Septic.
They even under size the AC unit tonnage for the home. Your AC will run for 18 hours a day. I found that they didn’t even seal the area for where the cold air comes out the air handler. It was just blowing all the cold air into the AC room and into the attic. Mechanical One don’t know what they’re doing and Holiday Builder takes shortcuts everywhere they can with undersizing your AC unit and going with the cheapest labor.
Every single builder in the area builds homes faster than these clowns.
Holiday Builders suck. Ever heard the saying lazy people work twice. Everything about their workmanship is trash. The construction managers do not inspect work done by the trades after it is completed. Their scheduling sucks too. They lie about everything, every step of the way. Don’t build with them. We’re still finding issues every single damn day with this house. Don’t make the mistake of building with Holiday Builders. Build with Maronda or anyone else other than this clowns. Zac Davison sucks. Trish sucks. Chris Thornton sucks and his brother Kevin Thornton sucks even more, Steve Pettko sucks. Chris Cubillos Suck.

I just got her back from the hospital a few hours ago. Maybe instead of writing this post I should make the most of my time with her...
So my cat is a rescue, I've had her for over two years and then shelter said she was two at the time. She has a (likely congenital) heart murmur, along with some other health difficulties.
A few years ago we lost our family dog to congestive heart failure, due to dilated cardiomyopathy. The dog was also a rescue, with a high grade congenital heart murmur. Yesterday was the sixth anniversary of the family dog's passing, and yesterday we noticed my cat was breathing kind of fast, with a weird crackly sound. We took her to her vet immediately, and got referred to a 24/7 vet hospital where they could keep an eye out on her overnight. They haven't echoed yet (since it's a stat holiday weekend here) but it's very likely due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. Their first priority was to stabilize my girl and she's home now, with some meds to get her through the weekend before we go back to follow up, and then I have an option to get that echo to see what exactly is going on.
This is all right after she had a drastic and sudden personality change, where last week she randomly attacked my other cat, myself, and my boyfriend. She's normally a very sweet girl, and loves my other cat, so it's been a distressing week as we have had to move my other cat to my boyfriend's to keep them separated. We had these plans to slowly reintroduce, but with the heart failure I don't know how much time she has -- if it's only a few months like it was with my dog, is it right to stress her out through the reintroduction? I also don't know if I should go ahead with the echocardiogram. They're gonna have to sedate her for it, and she always reacts weirdly to that. My family has also been quite insensitive to the ordeal, telling me the vets only want my money and they don't care about my cat. It's just very overwhelming.
I don't know what to do. I wish I could at least have both my girls home, but it's very likely that they may never see each other again...

Url: https://caringforkids.cps.ca/handouts/behavior-and-development/social_media
Title: “Social Media: What Parents Should Know”
Author: Canadian Pediatric Society
Date Published: August 2023
In society today, social media has become an essential part of staying connected with others. But as children become old enough to have phones and get social media including apps such as TikTok and Instagram, it’s important for parents to know how to monitor their kids' online interactions and keep them safe from its dangers. Social media has some positive attributes that can benefit children and teens, but also has some negative effects that can be harmful. The Canadian Pediatric Society published an article titled, “Social media: What parents should know,” that discusses how social media is used by kids in both good and bad ways and how parents should take steps in keeping their children safe from the dangers of social media.
The First Media Key: Balance
In the book, Infinite Bandwidth, seven media keys are used to describe and interpret the strengths and weaknesses in the media. The first media key of balance relates to eating healthy and using social media. “That’s what eating right looks like: a little bit of everything, more of what’s good for us than what’s bad for us…” (Gan, pg. 27). This example shows that media can be shown to us in moderation because it is not good to consume too much of it. Using balance also allows us to make decisions about whether the media is acceptable for our children. If we practice the virtue of temperance, then we will be able to use this media key to examine and moderate the media and focus more on the good in the world around us rather than on social media.
An example of balance is when the author suggests that parents use parental controls to block certain websites and use time limits on social media. This shows that if we use social media in moderation then we will be healthier. And by establishing boundaries and guidelines we can protect our children from the dangers of overusing social media. Using temperance will allow our children to experience social media in a safe way, but also enjoy and see the beauty in the world that God has created for us that is right at our fingertips.
The Second Media Key: Attitude Awareness
The second media key, attitude awareness, focuses on the virtue of prudence. “With the help of this virtue we apply moral principles to particular cases without error and overcome doubts about the good to achieve and the evil to avoid” (Gan, pg. 47). This media key shows that we are aware that there is both good and bad content on social platforms and we must use reason and our best judgment when discerning the role of each particular form of media.
In the article, we find an example of attitude awareness when the author discusses how we need to see both sides of the media. “Social media can have both positive (staying connected with friends) and negative (lowered self-esteem, making social comparisons) effects on kids’ mental and emotional health” (Canadian Pediatric Society). This shows that parents need to have prudence when looking at the strengths and shortcomings that media can have on their children. If parents examine social media sites using good judgment and wisdom then they will be protecting their children from the negative side of social media.
The Third Media Key: The Dignity of the Human Person
The third media key highlights the virtue of justice. “Justice towards men disposes one to respect the rights of each and to establish in human relationships the harmony that promotes equity with regard to persons and to the common good” (Gan pgs. 62-63). The dignity of the human person key reminds us to respect one another in relationships, especially as children of God. But also to respect our mind and bodies because they too are a part of us and we need to respect and honor ourselves and the bodies of others.
When discussing social media with children, parents need to teach them how to protect themselves and their privacy. One way we can respect each other is to “[p]rotect and respect their friends’ privacy by asking permission before posting a photo or video of another person” (Canadian Pediatric Society). Also, parents should remind their kids that online photos that they post could be used against them. A person’s body is sacred and photos should not be shared containing anything inappropriate or provocative. These parental reminders reiterate the dignity of the human person and teach children to be respectful of their bodies and the bodies of others in what they post online.
The Fourth Media Key: Truth-Filled
Truth-filled is the fourth media key that follows the virtue of fortitude. The virtue of fortitude “strengthens the resolve to resist temptations and to overcome obstacles in the moral life” (Gan pg. 79). “Whether we’re creating a misleading picture of our life on Facebook, cultivating an online persona who does what we would never do offline, or simply failing to give credit where credit is due, we’re not using the media in a way that reflects or upholds truth” (Gan pg. 76).
On social media, we must remember that not everything we see is true or real. Parents must teach their children to be aware that even when others are not truthful, they need to be honest and true online. “Remind your children that what they see on social media doesn’t always reflect reality, and help them find joy in offline activities” (Canadian Pediatric Society). If we teach them fortitude and strength of character, then they will be able to overcome the obstacles like lies or fake personas on social media that may lead them away from being truthful in real life.
The Fifth Media Key: Inspiring
The fifth media key, inspiring, shows us the best in the media and that it does have a good purpose. By using the virtue of hope, we will be able to “desire the kingdom of heaven and eternal life as our happiness, placing our trust in Christ’s promises and relying not on our own strength, but on the help of the grace of the Holy Spirit” (Gan, pg. 95). God wants us to live a good life full of happiness and love. If we practice hope then it will inspire us to do good in our everyday lives.
There are many negative effects of social media but there are also many positives as well. Children can use social media in ways of “connecting with others, messaging and chatting, and joining groups. For youth with disabilities or chronic conditions, peer support groups can provide a safe place to meet others with shared experiences, and can help rescue social isolation” (Canadian Pediatric Society). This gives children hope and allows them to partake in the good life that God has promised us. Using social media in positive ways shows us the best of this form of media and allows us to understand its purpose in our lives and society.
The Sixth Media Key: Skillfully Developed
The virtue that connects with the sixth media key is faith. Having faith is not only limited to yourself, but also having faith for those in the media. We must educate ourselves in new technology and experience advancements throughout our world. This will shape us to “learn how to recognize and create media that meets the culture’s expectations for what constitutes skillfully developed products” (Gan, pg. 102). If we see this skillfully developed media with faith as our guide then it will allow for us to make a better judgment for us and our children in the future.
“Social media apps are designed to keep people online as long as possible. Constantly checking for ‘likes,’ followers, and messages can lead to unhealthy behaviors and mood changes” (Canadian Pediatric Society). If parents skillfully develop guidelines for media and technology and understand its role in society, then they can set limits and restrictions to minimize its risks for them. Social media is out there, but if parents educate themselves about it, then they can curb its negative effects and instead put their faith in the positive effects for their children.
The Seventh Media Key: Motivated by or Relevant to Experience
The motivated by or relevant to experience media key follows the virtue of charity. “The practice of all the virtues of animation and inspired by charity, which…upholds and purifies our human ability to love, and raises it to the supernatural perfection of divine love” (Gan, pg. 128). Our love allows us to use charity to motivate us into action to protect and care for each other.
“Set a good example by following the rules you set for online behavior. Ask them before you share anything about them” (Canadian Pediatric Society). This quote tells parents what they can do to set a good example for how their children should be behaving online. This media key shows us that our own experiences have an impact on our children and their thoughts and behaviors. If what parents reflect in their social media posts is good and wholesome then when their children get social media they will have an admirable example to follow.

Sheff Utd vs Spurs

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Competition: Premier League
Date: 19th May 2024
Venue: Bramall Lane
Kickoff: 16:00 (BST)
TV: Sheffield United vs Tottenham Hotspur Live Streaming and TV Listings, Live Scores, News, Videos - May 19, 2024 - England Premier League :: Live Soccer TV
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Team News

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After being forced to deploy a makeshift backline at Goodison Park, Sheffield United boss Wilder will have two centre-backs at his disposal once more; Mason Holgate could not face his parent club last weekend, while Anel Ahmedhodzic is back from suspension.
Andre Brooks (illness) and Oliver Arblaster (calf) should shake off the afflictions which forced them off early against Everton, while none of George Baldock (calf), Daniel Jebbison (illness), Tom Davies (thigh) and Ben Osborn (thigh) have been ruled out just yet either.
However, Chris Basham (ankle), Oli McBurnie (thigh), Rhys Norrington-Davies (thigh) and Max Lowe (ankle) are guaranteed to miss out, while John Egan (ankle) - out of contract this summer - is unlikely to force his way into contention either.
As for Spurs, it is largely as you were from the midweek defeat to Manchester City, where eight infirm troops were absent from the ranks and will also be missing for the trip to Bramall Lane.
Richarlison (calf), Yves Bissouma (knee), Manor Solomon (knee), Fraser Forster (foot), Destiny Udogie (thigh), Ryan Sessegnon (hamstring), Ben Davies (calf) and Timo Werner (thigh) will all watch on from the sidelines, while Giovani Lo Celso is a fresh doubt owing to a blow to the knee.
Rodrigo Bentancur, who did his best to destroy a chair on the Tottenham bench after being taken off in midweek, is a candidate to be demoted by Dejan Kulusevski, but Micky van de Ven should continue as an emergency left-back.
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Sheffield United possible starting lineup: Foderingham; Ahmedhodzic, Robinson, Trusty; Bogle, Souza, Hamer, Arblaster, Brooks; Brereton Diaz, Archer
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Tottenham Hotspur possible starting lineup: Vicario; Porro, Romero, Dragusin, Van de Ven; Sarr, Hojbjerg; Kulusevski, Maddison, Johnson; Son
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Match Stats

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• Sheffield United have lost their past three league games against Tottenham, as many as they had in their previous 13 against them (W5 D5).
• Tottenham won 3-1 in their most recent away league game against Sheffield United and they last won consecutive visits to Bramall Lane in December 1975.
• Sheffield United have won their final league game in each of the past three seasons. They most recently did so in more consecutive campaigns between 1969-70 and 1973-74 (five), with the fourth game in that run coming against Tottenham.
• Tottenham have lost their final league game in only one of the past 13 seasons, with that loss coming at already-relegated Newcastle in 2015-16.

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Head to head (h2h) history and results

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Sheffield United wins: 30
Draws: 27
Tottenham wins: 39

Pundit Predictions

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Chris Sutton
We have seen an angry Ange Postecoglou this week, and I totally get why. I really liked what he said before the Manchester City game about how he wants the club to win something, rather than just have bragging rights. If I'm a Spurs fan, that's what I want to hear.
He was bang on. He is trying to build a winning culture at Tottenham and clearly the mentality at the club does not align with his.
On the flip side, I do also understand the pettiness of the Tottenham fans who do not want Arsenal to win the title.
But it sounds like Postecoglou's anger is not just at some of the Spurs supporters who wanted their side to lose to City on Tuesday, but at some people inside the club too.
If you are are on the inside and you want to build a winning club, then you cannot have that mindset where you don't want to win every game - you cannot pick and choose, you have to be relentless and all pull in the same direction.
That does not seem to be happening at Spurs. We have seen this movie before, and it will be interesting to see how it pans out.
I admired Postecoglou when he was at Celtic, for the way he turned the club around as well as the football he played.
I still think he has over-achieved in his first season at Spurs because they lost Harry Kane just before it started, and the football has been excellent, but they have fallen away recently.
I am sure Postecoglou would accept it has been a disappointing end to the campaign, with five defeats in the past six games, even if they have had some difficult fixtures in that run, but all of this underlines that there are other issues at the club. I don't know what happens next - they either believe in him, or they don't.
He will be desperate to finish the season on a high, as will Sheffield United boss Chris Wilder, whose side are already relegated, are bottom of the table with only three wins all season, and on a six-game losing streak. Even if the Blades do respond, I am still backing Spurs.
Sutton's prediction: 0-2

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Mark Lawrenson
Tottenham have had really difficult games recently with Arsenal, Liverpool and Manchester City. That’s just what you want at the end of the season when you’re going for things! They’ll win this, though. Sheffield United 0-2 Tottenham.

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Paul Merson
Chelsea have kept Tottenham hungry in recent weeks with a bit of a run, so they need to win this game to confirm UEFA Europa League qualification. If Spurs can play anywhere close to their full potential, they will win this game easily and that's exactly what I think will happen. It's been a decent first season for Ange Postecoglou, but he needs to be careful with his comments.
The Australian has received flak for calling out Tottenham's 'fragile foundations' after their defeat against Manchester City, seemingly referring to the fact that most of their fans weren't fazed by the result as it wouldn't be a favorable outcome for Arsenal in the Premier League title race. Arsenal vs Tottenham is a huge rivalry and you have to understand it. If you don't, its perfectly ok to not say anything, but just don't question fans!
The fans will be here much longer than any player or the manager - they are the heart and soul of the football club. Ange isn't going to have people ringing him every few minutes if Arsenal win the Premier League, so I doubt he knows what the result meant to Tottenham fans. All I'm saying is there was no need for him to say anything!
Prediction: Sheffield United 1-3 Tottenham

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Robbie Savage
Spurs need a point to secure fifth place and Europa League football. If they lose, slip to sixth and Manchester United win the FA Cup, it means they will be playing in the Europa Conference League.
Spurs know what they have to do. They have to get something at Bramall Lane. I think they will, I think they’ll get all three points in a 2-0 win.

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COYS

ive struggled with my eating since i was 9 years old, and i developed anorexia and bulimic tendencies from when i was around 15-17—i would call it an ed, but i was never diagnosed so i dont know. those years of my life were by far the worst and a testament to truly how sick and hurt i was. looking back, it was horrific, i dont want that back, no one should want it. im 18 now, and i’d like to say i have my life back and have been recovered for like a year; of course, i have my setbacks, but i think im doing better.
so my issue is, a few weeks ago/months ago i started staying later at school to revise for my alevels. when id get home, id make some instant noodles because i hadnt eaten yet that day. i still feel uncomfortable eating in front of people and there typically isnt enough room in my bag to bring lunch—i also find it too overstimulating to eat in the sixth form area with everyone around. i would eat my noodles and within a few hours i’d be called for dinner; but because i had eaten my noodles like two hours before, i would still be full and unable to finish it, and because i was full and trying to be intuitive, i thought i was fine. it sounds silly, but ive genuinely been full and not constantly thinking about food the past few weeks/months. a few weeks ago, i started to get shaky and really fatigued, so i ordered vitamins as i thought itd help to boost my energy on top of everything else so i could keep myself healthy for exams. ive been told by my friends that my loss of energy is probably due to the change in weather—most people get a bit more tired in summer, and i normally do too.
the other day though, while i was putting on my trousers for sixth form, i noticed how baggy they looked; they were tight on me in the beginning of the school year. i havent weighed myself in months, but i decided to later that day because i was genuinely a bit surprised. when i weighed myself, my weight is a a few kilograms off of what it was at my sickest, and i wasnt even trying. i feel this sick sense of happiness and i feel myself slipping back in. i ended up calorie counting my noodles, to try and establish the root of the issue because that’s the only thing ive been doing different. ive come to realise that they are way less than i thought they were—i add cheese and sauces to it, so i thought they were so much higher than they actually are.
before this, i was quite slim because i used to do a lot of sports, half the time im not hungry—i have messed up hunger cues—and i simply dont have enough time to waste on cooking meals. i dont want to give specifics on the amount ive lost or the calories of my noodles because i understand it can be quite triggering, and this is probably already quite triggering. my mum has even started asking me questions about my weight and commenting on it, and it is hard to miss. personally, i think my face gives it away more than anything. naturally, i have more buccal fat in my face, so when im at the weight i am now, i look gaunt and sickly pale. i am genuinely concerned and now im aware of it im panicking. i enjoy my noodles, i dont want to change it but obviously it isnt healthy and im concerned that even if i go back to my routine before ill probably keep losing because my appetite has already diminished. i also dont have enough money to buy snacks like i used to, because i have driving lessons to pay for and am saving up to get my level one in swim teaching.
right now, im just worried that im feeling very lowkey accomplished. i havent been this weight in years; even when i relapsed, i couldnt get back here. in the back of my mind, there’s something telling me this is where i should be and if i go back up then everyone will notice ive gained and ill probably break out in spots. ive been weighing myself consistently since too, and at first i tricked myself into thinking that it’s because i need to keep track of it so i can try and gain; deep down, i know it isnt because of that. im going university soon, and i worry it may only get worse too.
if possible, could i please have some advice or support on what to do and how to get back to where i was?

Hello everyone, I am doing my igcse right now and will finish in June. I have applied to a few different schools in the UK for A-levels, such as Oxford international college, Cardiff Sixth Form and other prestigious A-level institutions. i already got accepted to all of them. but however I am not sure if I want to study in the UK or not. As an international student all my life, I don't really know if I should move to the UK earlier, since I do plan on studying uni in the UK. Budget- wise I am not too concerned, so I am asking if anyone who is currently in any of the schools listed above or have any experience with those schools, I was wondering what it is like and if I should make the move to move there.
thanks for the help in advance

I'm 41, been around the block, set boundries with corporate types from the get go when hired. I'm not looking for advice, but want to tell my story. Currently, I'm in charge of 5 CNC machines and 2 multi-million dollar stone saws on the night shift where I work. There is of course, an\ expectation to perform, which I'm fine with, the goals are close to realistic and there is some movement from leadership to help make them happen. That said, I worked a 6 day week two weeks in a row, with the second sixth day a Sunday morning (I'm normally 2-12:30 Mon-Thur). I worked the Sunday to A: take some pressure off of my younger brother who is the manager on days, and B: Earn the bonus.
Outside of this, I've taken over the manager position on the night shift in this factory, with the promise of a 2.00 raise (this is eclipsing a year, and a standard raise for CNC operator, so I'm a bit shafted to begin with). I'm not an experienced saw operator, and management has saddled me with two noobies on the saws. I've got the two other CNC operators on nights trained well and they are capable at this point, but I'm lacking in the ability to support the sawyers. I've been coming in early/days off to learn the basics of running and programming the saws so that I can help the new sawyers. These hours are clocked. The plant manager supports this. He's a reasonable, intelligent person, but ultimately there a lot of corners cut on the production side so that he can earn his bonuses.
My latest pay period should have had both the bonus and pay raise attached, neither are there...
So tomorrow, since I'm now in the corporate e-mail, I will e-mail and then call him, asking when I should expect to see the bonus and back pay. If there is any bullshit involved, my exact response will be this:
'I like you and understand you are an intelligent and reasonable person with some leadership qualities. If this was not the case, I would not be employed at this location at this company. However, this is not my first rodeo; I know who I am and what I am worth. I do not chase carrots on sticks, nor do I leave money on the table. I expect this issue with payroll to be addressed post haste or I will be started at a better paying job this coming Monday. Again, no hard feelings toward yourself, but I come here and perform my duties for compensation, and I expect that compensation to be correct. Best Regards, XXX.'
Keep in mind this kind of response will not earn you corporate bonus points nor will the boss you send it to promote you again. However, this is exactly the kind of response you should be prepared with if you get jerked around on money at your job, especially if put in the impossible situation/overly high expectations.

Hello everyone, I am doing my igcse right now and will finish in June. I have applied to a few different schools in the UK for A-levels, such as Oxford international college, Cardiff Sixth Form and other prestigious A-level institutions. i already got accepted to all of them. but however I am not sure if I want to study in the UK or not. As an international student all my life, I don't really know if I should move to the UK earlier, since I do plan on studying uni in the UK. Budget- wise I am not too concerned, so I am asking if anyone who is currently in any of the schools listed above or have any experience with those schools, I was wondering what it is like and if I should make the move to move there.
thanks for the help in advance 🙏

Jacob Boehme (or as some say Behmen) was a German mystic and spiritualist who began to write in the 17th century. In his works he inserted a picture of an angel blowing a trumpet, from which issued these words: "To all Christians, Jews, Turks and Heathens, to all the nations of the earth this Trumpet sounds for the last time." In truth it was a curious emblem, but he, the author, was a mystic, and as all experience shows, the path of the mystic is a strange one. It is, as Job says, a path which the "vulture knoweth not." Even as a bird cleaves the eternal ether, so the mystic advances on a path nor ordinarily manifest, a way which must be followed with care, because like the Great Light, which flashes forth and leaves only traces when it returns again to its centre, only indications are left for those who come after seeking the same spiritual wisdom. Yet by these "traces," for such they are called in the Kabbala, the way can be discerned, and the truth discovered.
Boehme was poor, of common birth, and totally devoid of ordinary education. He was only a shoemaker. Yet from the mind and out of the mouth of this unlettered man came mighty truths.
It would be idle to inquire into the complications of Karma which condemned him to such a life as his appeared to be. It must have been extremely curious, because though he had grasped the truth and was able to appreciate it, yet at the same time he could not give it out in its perfect form. But he performed his work, and there can be no manner of doubt about his succeeding incarnation. As Krishna says in the Bhagavad-Gita, he has been already or will shortly be "born into a family of wise devotees"; and thence "he will attain the highest walk."
His life and writings furnish another proof that the great wisdom-religion―the Secret Doctrine―has never been left without a witness. Born a Christian, he nevertheless saw the esoteric truth lying under the moss and crust of centuries, and from the Christian Bible extracted for his purblind fellows those pearls which they refused to accept. But he did not get his knowledge from the Christian Scriptures only. Before his internal eye the panorama of real knowledge passed. His interior vision being open he could see the things he had learned in a former life, and at first not knowing what they were was stimulated by them to construe his only spiritual books in the esoteric fashion. His brain took cognizance of the Book before him, but his spirit aided by his past, and perchance by the living guardians of the shining lamp of truth, could not but read them aright.
His work was called "The Dawning of the Eternal Day." In this he endeavors to outline the great philosophy. He narrates the circumstances and reasons for the angelic creation, the fall of its chief three hierarchies, and the awful effects which thereupon fell upon Eternal Nature. Mark this, not upon man―for he was not yet―but upon the eternal Nature, that is BRAHM. Then he says that these effects came about by reason of the unbalancing of the seven equipoised powers of forces of the Eternal Nature or Brahm. That is to say, that so long as the seven principles of Brahm were in perfect poise, there was no corporeal or manifested universe. So in the Bhagavad-Gita we find that Krishna tells Arjuna that "after the lapse of a thousand ages (or Night of Brahm) all objects of developed matter come forth from the non-developed principle. At the approach of that day they emanate spontaneously." (Bhagavad-Gita, Chap. 8. ) Such is the teaching of the Secret Doctrine.
And again Boehme shows the duality of the Supreme Soul. For he says in his work "Psychologia Vera cum Supplemento" that these two eternal principles of positive and negative, the yea and the nay of the outspeaking Supreme One, together constitute eternal nature,―not the dark world alone; which is termed the "root of nature,―" the two being as it were combined in perfect indissoluble union.
This is nothing else but Purush and Prakriti, or taken together, what is referred to in the Bhagavad-Gita where it is said: "But there is another invisible, eternal existence, superior to this visible one, which does not perish when all things perish. It is called invisible and indivisible. This is my Supreme Abode."
Clearly the Supreme Abode could never be in Purush alone, nor in Prakriti alone, but in both when indissolubly united.
This scheme is adhered to all through this great philosopher's works, no matter whether he is speaking of the great Universe or macrocosm, or of its antitype in man or microcosm. In "De Tribus Principiis" he treats of the three principles or worlds of Nature, describing its eternal birth, its seven properties, and the two co-eternal principles; and furthermore in "De Triplici Vita Hominis" he gives the three-fold life of man from which the seven is again deduced.
In "De Electione Gratia" he goes into a subject that often proves a stumbling block to many, and that is the inevitableness of evil as well as of good. From this it is easy to pass to a contemplation of one of the difficult points in occultism as shown in the Secret Doctrine, that nothing is evil, and that even if we admit evil or wickedness in man, it is of the nature of the quality or guna, which in the Bhagavad-Gita is denominated raja―foulness or bad action. Even this is better than the indifferent action that only leads to death. Even from wickedness may and does come forth spiritual life, but from indifferent action comes only darkness, and finally death.
Krishna says in Bhagavad-Gita, Chap. IV: "There are three kinds of action: first, that which is of the nature of Satyam, or true action; second, that which is of the nature of Raja, or bad action; third, that which is of the nature of Tamas, or indifferent action." He then says: "Although thou wert the greatest of all offenders, thou shalt be able to cross the gulf of sin in the bark of spiritual wisdom"; and a little farther on "The ignorant and man without faith, whose spirit is full of doubt, is lost and cannot enjoy either world." And in another chapter in describing Himself, he says that he is not only the Buddha, but also is the most evil of mankind or the Asura.
This is one of the most mystical parts of the whole secret doctrine. While Boehme has touched on it sufficiently to show that he had a memory of it, he did not go into the most occult details. It has to be remembered that the Bhagavad-Gita, and many other books treating on the Secret Doctrine, must be regarded from seven points of view; and that imperfect man is not able to look at it from the centre, which would give the whole seven points at once.
Boehme wrote about thirty different treatise, all of them devoted to great subjects, portions of the Secret Doctrine.
Curiously enough the first treated of the "Dawn of the Eternal Day," and the second was devoted to an elucidation of "The Three Principles of Man." In the latter is really to be found a sevenfold classification similar to that which Mr. Sinnett propounded in "Esoteric Buddhism."
He held that the greatest obstacle in the path of man is the astral or elementary power, which engenders and sustain this world.
Then he talks of "tinctures," which we may call principles. According to him there are two principles ones, the watery, and the igneous. These ought to be united in Man; and they ardently seek each other continually, in order to be identified with Sophia or Divine Wisdom. Many Theosophists will see in this a clue not only to the two principles―or tinctures―which ought to be united man, but also to a law which obtains in many of the phenomena of magic. But even if I were able, I should not speak on this more clearly.
For many inquirers the greatest interest in these works will be found in his hypothesis as to the birth of the material Universe. On the evolution of man from spirit into matter he has much more than I could hope to glance at. In nearly all of it he was outlining and illustrating the Secret Doctrine. The books indicated are well worthy of study not only by Western but also by Eastern metaphysicians.
Let us add a few sentences to support this hypothesis from Count Saint Martin, who was a devoted student of these works.
"Jacob Boehme took for granted the existence of an Universal Principle; he was persuaded that everything is connected in the immense chain of truths, and that the Eternal Nature reposed on seven principles or bases, which he sometimes calls powers, forms, spiritual wheels, sources, and fountains, and that those seven bases exist also in this disordered material nature, under constraint. His nomenclature, adopted for these fundamental relations, ran thus: The first astringency, the second gall or bitterness, the third anguish, the fourth fire, the fifth light, the sixth sound, and the seventh he called BEING or the thing itself."
The reader may have begun to think the author did not rightly comprehend the first six but his definition of the seventh shows he was right throughout, and we may conclude the real meanings are concealed under these names.
"The third principle, anguish, attenuates the astringent one, turns it into water, and allows a passage to fire, which was shut up in the astringent principle."
There are in this many suggestions and a pursuit of them will repay the student.
"Now the Divine Sophia caused a new order to take birth in the centre of our system, and there burned our sun; from that do come forth all kinds of qualities, forms and powers. This centre is the Separator." It is well known that from the sun was taken by the ancients all kinds of power; and if we mistake not, the Hindus claim that when the Fathers enter into Para-Nirvana, their accumulated goodness pours itself out on the world through the "Door of the Sun."
The Bhagavad-Gita says, that the Lord of all dwells in the region of the heart, and again that this Lord is also the Sun of the world.
"The earth is a condensation of the seven primordial principles, and by the withdrawal of eternal light this became a dark valley." It is taught in the East, that this world is a valley and that we are in it, our bodies reaching to the moon, being condensed to hardness at the point where we are on the earth thus becoming visible to the eye of man. There is a mystery in this statement, but not such an one as cannot be unravelled.
Boehme proceeds: "When the light mastered the fire at the place of the sun, the terrible shock of the battle engendered an igneous eruption by which there shot forth from the sun a stormy and frightful flash of fire―Mars. Taken captive by light it assumed a place, and there it struggles furiously, a pricking goad, whose office is to agitate all nature, producing reaction. It is the gall of nature. The gracious, amiable Light, having enchained unerupted Mars, proceeded by its own power to the bottom or end of the rigidity of Nature, when unable to proceed further it stopped, and became corporeal; remaining there it warms that place, and although a valet in Nature, it is the source of sweetness and the moderator of Mars.
"Saturn does not originate from the sun, but was produced from the severe astringent anguish of the whole body of this Universe. Above Jupiter the sun could not mitigate the horror, and out of that arose Saturn, who is the opposite of meekness, and who produces whatever of rigidity there is in creatures, including bones, and what in moral nature corresponds thereto." (This is all the highest astrology, from one who had no knowledge of it.) "As in the Sun is the heart of life, so by Saturn commenceth all corporeal nature. Thus in these two resides the power of the whole universal body, and without their power there could be no creation nor any corporification.
"Venus originates in effluvia from the Sun. She lights the unctuosity of the water of the Universe, penetrates hardness, and enkindles love."
"Mercury is the chief worker in the planetary wheel; he is sound, and wakes up the germs in everything. His origin, the triumph of Light over Astringency (in which sound was shut up silent), set free the sound by the attenuation of the astringent power."
It is certain that if this peculiar statement regarding Mercury is understood, the student will have gained a high point of knowledge. A seductive bait is here held out to those striving disciples who so earnestly desire to hold converse with the elemental world. But there is no danger, for all the avenues are very secret and only the pure can prevail in the preliminary steps.
Boehme says again: "The Mercury is impregnated and fed continually by the solar substance; that in it is found the knowledge of what was in the order above, before Light had penetrated to the solar centre."
As to the Moon, it is curious to note that he says, "she was produced from the sun itself, at the time of his becoming material, and that the moon is his spouse." Students of the story of Adam being made to sleep after his creation and before coats of skin were given, when Eve was produced from his side, will find in this a strong hint.
The above is not by any means a complete statement of Boehme's system. In order to do justice to it, a full analysis of all his works should be undertaken. However, it is sufficient if thoughtful minds who have not read Boehme, shall turn to him after reading this, or if but one earnest reader of his works, or seeker after wisdom, shall receive even a hint that may lead to a clearing up of doubts, or to the acquisition of one new idea. Count Saint Martin continually read him; and the merest glance at the "Theosophic Correspondence" or, "Man―His Nature, &.," of Saint Martin will show that from that study he learned much. How much more then will the Western mind be aided by the light shed on both by the lamp of Theosophical teachings.
"Let the desire of the pious be fulfilled."
WILLIAM Q. JUDGE
Theosophist, April, 1886.

Hello, I am a soon-to-be 11th grader who wants to be able to qualify for the AIME competition this cycle. I have some experience in competition math, and am currently making my way through the Art of Problem Solving’s Volume One book. However, I’ve heard from some people online/AIME qualifiers that I know personally that Volume One is more of a review book and that going through the Intro Series is better for learning. Should I drop Volume One and try to grind out the Intro Series this summer and then make my way through some of the Intermediate Series/Volume Two before the AMC 12, or should I just stick to Volume One and then start the intermediate series earlier? For context, I’ve already taken everything up to and including AP Calculus BC, and while I know competition math is a lot different from school math, I’ve still found that my past school math experience has been allowing me to go through Volume One without much difficulty.
So what do y’all think, should I try to go through the entire intro series and then the intermediate series before November (quite the time crunch), or just finish Volume One and then go through intermediate series sooner? Thank you.

For anyone familiar with competition math and the Art of Problem Solving textbook series.
Hello, I am a soon-to-be 11th grader who wants to be able to qualify for the AIME competition. I have some experience in competition math, and am currently making my way through the Art of Problem Solving’s Volume One book. However, I’ve heard from some people online/AIME qualifiers that I know personally that Volume One is more of a review book and that going through the Intro Series is better for learning. Should I drop Volume One and try to grind out the Intro Series this summer and then make my way through some of the Intermediate Series/Volume Two before the AMC 12, or should I just stick to Volume One and then start the intermediate series earlier? For context, I’ve already taken everything up to and including AP Calculus BC, and while I know competition math is a lot different from school math, I’ve still found that my past school math experience has been allowing me to go through Volume One as a light review.
So what do y’all think, should I try to go through the entire intro series and then the intermediate series before November (quite the time crunch), or just finish Volume One and then go through intermediate series sooner? Thank you.

I am still NOT the Original Poster. That is u/ThrowRA-scarecrow. She posted in relationship_advice. Thank you to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for the original recommendation and to u/ivy5kin for letting me know about the update
Previous BORU here. New Updates (starting with one from a few months ago and ending with one 7 days old) marked with ****\*

Read trigger warnings

Trigger Warnings: infant abuse; spousal abuse; drug use; stalking; kidnapping attempt
Mood Spoiler: utterly terrifying and disturbing
Original Post: March 16, 2024
My husband (42m) and I (35f) tried for so long to have our boys and girl. Due to a health issue my husband suffered he developed fertility issues and we had to get medical assistance to be able to have our children because if we didn’t he’d probably never have kids. So we went through fertility treatment. He desperately wanted his own biological children and we spent a fortune just to bring them into the world and now he’s jealous and distant with them?
He’s constantly in competition with his own infant children. If I hold the children he gets frustrated. Any time they take my attention away he gets completely pissy. He’s always in a foul mood, irritable and just down right nasty. I don’t understand it. Why is he like this? Our children are barely 6 months and they won’t stop crying every time he’s near. I feel like they can sense his negativity. I tried talking to him. Ive suggested he take interest in the kids and spend more time with us as a family. I know it can sometimes take a little longer for parents to bond with their children but this is down right scary to experience. He’s full of jealousy and envy. He sees our children as competition to my time and affections.
A few times now he has made comments about feeling frustrated that I still breast feed our children. The thing is we mix feed so he has had ample opportunity to feed them and he just doesn’t. He also said that this (meaning our life&our marriage after children) wasn’t what he thought it would be like. I mean what did he expect? A singular baby cries and three of them cry a lot.
We’ve been together for 8 years and married for 7 years. He wanted these children. He pushed for them and now this. I never thought this would ever be me. I am scared. I am scared for my children. I have tried talking to him but he just brushes me off. I’ve suggested counseling. He refuses. He tells me it’s all in my head. I want to save this marriage but I am scared I won’t be able to and maybe it’s not worth saving.
He comes home later everyday. He avoids us on the weekends and any time he has off. I’m not ashamed to say that I went through his phone and there are a lot flirtatious text between him and a “Jessica”. I don’t think anything has happened between them but it sure looks like they are building up to it. I haven’t said anything because I’m afraid. Where do I go with three children, with no money and no family that can help me? I haven’t worked in two years and I’ve spent all my savings on having these children. My mind is in a complete meltdown. I can’t sleep I can’t think and I’m always exhausted.
What the hell happened? Is this him now forever?
Edit: Some of you are some real evil bastards ! Stop blaming me for him mistreating me! I do not deserve to be treated this way and neither do my kids! Stop messaging me evil things!
Relevant Comments:
Examples of 'competition':
If I’m with the kids and say I’m feeding them he gets upset I’m focusing on them and not him, or as he likes to say I’m fussing over them. He expects they sleep through the night and gets upset when I’m with them instead of in bed with him. He has even made weird comments about me loving them more than him.
Did he really want kids or did YOU want kids?
Due to my husband’s fertility issues he was the one pushing for us to have kids. He knew early on that he had a health condition and wanted us to have children way earlier but I asked if we could wait but then his condition worsened so we agreed to get treatment before he couldn’t have any kids. He desperately wanted to be a father and they are biologically ours. His desire to be a father was one of the qualities I liked about him when we started dating.
I’ve always worked and the plan was for me to stay home for the first 2/3 years and perhaps work part time until the kids were school aged. But that’s out the window now because I don’t want to ever be this vulnerable! I’ve been brushing off my cv and scouring the internet for a job. I will never allow myself to be this vulnerable again.
Does he help at ALL? Do you have a support system you could go to?
He doesn’t help me at all. I take care of our kids on my own. My parents are long gone and my sister is abroad. She stayed with us for the birth and a month after the children were born. She lives in France but she’s due to return home this summer. So I know I’ll have her help when she’s back. But I’m trying not to bother her as she’s going through a divorce.
I’ve suggested couples counseling and he refuses. He says everything is in my head.
I’m actually even crying writing this but I do have a small to go bag in the trunk of my car. Just incase. I feel like I’m not being rational because he doesn’t hurt me or the kids but I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells. Like what happened to my happy go lucky husband? Who’s this person I’m afraid of?
Are they his biologically? Did you guys go to a support group for infertility treatment?
We didn’t use any sperm or egg donations. The kids are his and mine biologically.
We also went to a support group, two support groups actually. One of them was for couples and the other for men experiencing infertility. He also went to individual therapy to deal with his emotional issues around infertility.
Update Post: March 19, 2024 (3 days later)
Title: He’s (42m) been pinching my (35f) babies?
Thank you to the person who said I should watch his interactions with my babies more closely and frequently. Not even hours after I posted here asking for advice I caught him pinching my son!
While I was scrolling on here and replying to people I decided to check my baby monitor and I watched my husband enter our children’s room and insult them in a hushed and whispery tone. I couldn’t make out much of what he was saying but he was without a doubt telling them that he hated them and wished them dead. Then he pinched my son and my baby boy didn’t even cry which made me think he’s done this many times before.
It all happened so fast and by the time I could make sense of what was happening on the monitor he was already walking down the hallway and down the stairs. At the same time I had lept off the sofa and pretty much tackled him as he came off the stairs. We got into a physical and verbal altercation, we fought, argued and shouted for hours. I guess the police were called by the neighbors because the next thing I know the police are banging on my door. I explained the situation to the police and the officers said that they could not prove that my baby was harmed since he didn’t have a bruise and my baby monitor was only on live feed and not simultaneously recording. Eventually they got my husband to agree to pack a bag and leave. He left reluctantly.
He has since been blowing up my phone begging for forgiveness, talking about how he’s been depressed and stressed by the babies, and that his anxiety and jealousy got the best of him. I just responded once telling him to go fuck himself. I’ve also been in contact with a lawyer and she’s advised me to leave him unblocked incase he further incriminates himself. I don’t even recognize who this man is! Where did this all come from?
How did this happen? Has any other parent experienced this? How did you handle this?
Before y’all start jumping down my throat I am absolutely getting a divorce and I will do everything in my power to get full custody. I did take my children to our family doctor and they are in good health and there are no other signs of abuse. I’ve filled a report with the police and my lawyer is dealing with it. I’m also about to start the process of divorce.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: He just wants more and better access to his victims. This is someone who gets off on hurting children. Actual human beings who are stressed and depressed do not sneak around abusing children for their dopamine hits.

OOP: Exactly! I’m tired, stressed, depressed and I’m physically still not fully healed from the pregnancy and the cesarean birth but not once have I thought of hurting anyone let alone a baby! I don’t buy his bullshit excuses. He clearly knew what he was doing was wrong otherwise he wouldn’t have been sneaking around and being all hush hush. I do not believe him for one second. He’s a goddamn beastly man.

Update the monitor to one that records:
I’ve set the monitor up to record now! I’ve also ordered a home security system and will be installing it real soon!
On what OOP is doing to protect them:
I’m doing everything I can to protect them! This all happened a few days ago but I am in the process of getting a temporary restraining order. My lawyer is handling it and I understand it takes some time to actually get one and in the meantime I’ve been advised that I can just deny him visitation until he gets a judgement from the courts that forces me to grant him access to my babies but that takes time. So in the meantime he can’t force me or my babies to see him.
I’ve recorded every call and saved ever text. Literally documenting everything. Thankfully he’s saying and texting a goldmine of incriminating things that I hope would be sufficient information for a judge to give me and my babies a restraining/protective order and for family court to grant me primary and sole custody.
Did you tell him you saw the pinch?
Yes. He at first told me I was imagining things. Then switched to saying he was just frustrated our son wouldn’t go to sleep. Then he started saying that he was angry that our son was interrupting our “personal time” and that he was doing it on purpose because the other babies were asleep so why wasn’t he?
Honestly nothing he says makes sense to me. Like my baby boy was just laying there sleepy and he would’ve fallen back to sleep by himself that bastard actually woke him up with his pinching and insults.
He says he went in their room to check up on them and I call bullshit on that he went in there to torment my children. Who in their right mind whispers death to two sleeping babies and a another half asleep baby?!
Did he tell you that over phone or text?
This was on a call which I’ve recorded!
*****Update Post 2: April 10, 2024 (3 weeks after OG post)****\*
Title: How did it go so wrong? For my (36f) birthday he (42m) broke into the house?
Every conversation with him (42m) feels like I’m (36f) losing my mind. The only thing that has kept me semi-sane and able to track what he has been doing is my audio journal and my posts on here.
Last week it was my thirty sixth birthday. Actually I had forgotten it was my birthday and was reminded by my sister that it was in fact my birthday. I decided I couldn’t mope around the house and I got my kids dressed to go shopping and get groceries. We got back and I put away half of the groceries but my babies were fussy and so to tire them out and ready them for bed we went for a walk. When I got back home he was in the kitchen cooking and putting away some of the groceries I had left out. He greeted me and acted normal. I didn’t react because his entire demeanour was freaking me out so I played along. I went upstairs and got the kids down. I did think of walking out the front door but he was kind of anticipating it and so he was following me around and I thought in the moment that the best thing I could do was to get my kids upstairs and away from him. He said he wanted to talk and clear the air because this has “gone on too long”.
We had a long conversation and it started out reasonable but eventually spiralled out of control. We got into physical confrontation because I refused to let him stay. He tried to physically intimidate me and he, well hurt me. While he was hurting me I was still able to contact the police. It took them a excruciatingly long 20/25 minutes to get there.
So here I am sitting with two completely black and blue eyes, a busted lip, swollen face,massive knots on my head and bruises all over. I don’t know what happened to my life or how I got here but here I am. I can’t even look my neighbors in the eyes. I can’t go outside without seeing the shocked faces of people.
I have never felt so ashamed, so humiliated, so hurt and so utterly stupid. I thought I made all the right choices in life. What did I do wrong? When did it all get so fucked? I mean I think I did everything right? Like I created a stable life for myself then picked a man that at time was a very loving partner, I married that man and waited five years before even going through the process of having children with him and now once I’ve had his children he’s just beating on me and our babies?
Edit: My sister is now aware of what’s been happening and she is supporting me as best as she can. I have plans to move out but since I’m not working right now I need some time to save up.
His family is also aware. His family refused to believe that I saw him hurt our child but they can’t deny this attack now that they’ve seen my bruises. Also yes he was arrested and he was bailed out by his brother. He’s currently staying with his brother.
Relevant Comments:
I’m in contact with a dv organization that my lawyer has put me in contact with. I did have a locksmith come out and I have new locks. I also have a couple of safety locks for my windows, and security cameras around the house and I changed our security code but honestly he doesn’t give a shit.
He despite it all broke in and beat the living shit out of me.
Making the audio journal:
I really didn’t make my audio journal to use as evidence. I literally made it because he makes me feel like I’m insane! I never know which version of him I’ll get at any given time. I also keep my journal to keep track of what he says. Every conversation with him makes me lose grip of my fleeting sanity.
Leaving the house:
The biggest reason I haven’t left my home is because he would without a doubt say I abducted the children! I’m already withholding my children from him since I caught him hurting my six month old son.
On advice of my lawyer I have stayed put. It’s my best option for now and it shows that I’ve been reasonably measured in my actions.
Restraining order?
I am in the process of getting one.
Update Post 3: April 25, 2024 (15 days later, almost 6 weeks from OG post)
Title: It was all for the love of another woman? Who barely knew of his existence? He (42m) hurt my (36f) children to further his own selfish desires
I say all of this without exaggeration. I am certain he was getting ready to kill us. After nearly 8 months of turmoil I’m finally close to understanding.
My soon to be ex husband is in love with a woman he came across on social media and he has been obsessing over her for at least a year. She also happens to be a sex worker and he was paying her for her time and attention. In his mind he believed they could have a future together if only he could get rid of my children and me. Even though this woman gave him no inkling that she even wanted to be with him. He has spent so much of our money on this woman. I am at a loss for words that could accurately describe the situation. I can barely believe half of the things he’s been up to.
I’ve spent the past few weeks playing detective and I finally decided to contact “Jessica”. This is obviously not her name but I need to call her something. I contacted Jessica and at first she was very reluctant to speak to me but I literally begged her to and she was kind enough to get on the phone with me.
She told me that she had been seeing him for awhile but she stopped seeing him because he started to scare her. He was sending her unhinged messages and voicemails. He had been stalking her and trying to convince her to be with him. Jessica eventually stopped seeing him and had him blocked and I guess this is when he started to escalate from emotional abuse to physically abusing my children and myself. He was looking for a way out and in his crazy mind, killing us would free him because the only reason Jessica wouldn’t be with him was because me and my children were in the way.
During our long call I also explained to Jessica what had been happening to me and she was genuinely kind and helpful. She also agreed to speak to my lawyer and to send them the thousands of unhinged texts, voicemails and voice notes he sent her. For a little while after our conversation a part of me genuinely hated Jessica and wanted to blame her for everything but the rational part of me pushed out those unreasonable and dangerous thoughts especially after I read his disturbing texts and heard his voicemail/notes to Jessica. She has also been victimized by him.
Honestly there is nothing like listening to your husband and father of your children talk about how you and your children mean nothing to him and how he wishes you were dead. He could’ve just asked for a divorce or just got up and left. I sent him a few texts asking him why? (this was a one time thing and since then I’ve stopped all contact) Why do all of this? Why torment my babies? Why not just walk away? He responded with a message saying any conversation between us should be through our lawyers. His parents have him lawyered up. They know what he’s been up to and they’ve chosen to protect him. His father came to see me and in a not so direct way suggested he could pay me if I stopped talking about what his son has done and was planning on doing. Ever since he broke into the house and pretty much tried to kill me I’ve told anyone who’d listen what he has done. At this point even his colleagues know.
Relevant Comments:
I have emergency custody of my kids and a protective order. I’m in the process of getting two trained guard dogs haven’t gotten very far though and I have a security system.
I’m also seriously considering a gun. More than seriously actually I’ve applied for a permit. Of course I do plan on taking lessons in gun safety and training.
Be careful with the dogs, he may just kill them:
He probably would but the few seconds to minutes he needs in order to do that is perhaps the chance I need to save my children and myself.
This may seem horrible to you but I rather have them as a buffer then my children getting harmed. I of course don’t want this to happen but I’m in a situation now where I need to do everything I can to protect my children.
His parents:
Oh they really are bastards and refuse to believe their precious son could ever do the things he’s done despite the fact that I installed security cameras after I caught him abusing my babies and despite the fact that my neighbors have signed witness statements attesting to the fact that they saw him break into my house and attack me. They’ve seen the police report. They’ve seen the pictures of my battered face and bruised body. They are feigning ignorance but they know, and I know they know.
You don't want to give him ammunition in the divorce- maybe stop telling people?
Actually me telling people has been the best thing I’ve done so far. It’s what has kept me safe. My neighbors now look out for his car and call the police if they see he’s anywhere near the house.
What was he like before all of this? Were there any signs?
We’ve been married for nearly 8 years. Will actually be 8 years in 2 months. We never had any issues. Sure we had minor squabbles but that was few and far in between. Never did I have any issues that would lead me to think that he’d try to hurt us let alone kill us.
It was during my pregnancy and birth that he became verbally and emotionally abusive, this is also the time period he met Jessica and started fantasizing about running away with her. He was angry and jealous that my attention was more on the pregnancy and the babies and this built resentment towards me and my children. It also pushed him more into his obsession with Jessica and when he was also rejected by her, he spiraled into this insane mindset. At the same time he escalated into verbally and physically abusing our infant children and when I found out he hurt my children, I attacked him. I caught him hurting my son and we physically fought and my neighbors called the police and he was escorted out of the house. Then he came back and broke into the house, he attacked me and beat me into a bloody mess. He was arrested for this. I’ve since attained a lawyer and I’ve been granted emergency custody and a protective order.
Again- why isn't he in jail?
He’s out on bail.
Update Post 3: May 11, 2024 (2+ weeks later)
Editor's note: This post was deleted by reddit. I have transcribed it from this youtube video and this tiktok video
Title: My (36f) husband (42m) has been arrested for stalking and attempting to abduct his former “mistress”.
Last week Thursday at approximately 2:00 AM in the morning, my (36F) husband (42m) of nearly 8 years was arrested outside of Jessica's house, (the sex worker he met online and used to pay to spend time with him until he started to creep her out by his stalking and obsession.)
When he was arrested, they found in his truck small baggies with drug residue and they also found tools of abduction. I honestly do not know what these are exactly.
My soon to be ex FIL called me at around 4:45/4:50 AM to tell me that his son was arrested. My FIL was the one who used the term tools of abduction. When I asked him what the hell that means, he said he didn't have time for my interrogation tactics. He then asked if I could help them find a lawyer for him and to stand by his son throughout all of this. When I said to him "how the hell am I supposed to find a lawyer this early in the morning," he lost his shit and then was just screaming.
My soon to be ex MIL took over the phone, telling me that I'm a goddamn b****, and that all this is my fault. I hung up before she could say anymore.
I never knew this man to take drugs. Sure, he drank occasionally, but hard drugs? I honestly don't know what's happening anymore or how I got here. I mean it does make sense he was on cocaine the past 7/8 months now that I look back at things.
I mean, I don't even know anything about drugs to be able to recognize the behavior pattern, but once I researched it, it seemed clear. The moodiness, the disappearances, the lies, the anger, the sudden outburst and the violence- it all points to drug usage, as well as him being an abusive piece of shit.
His parents and the rest of his family had called and texted me so much abusive shit and they occasionally switched to begging me to go see him or pick up his calls, but I've mainly ignored them. I don't have the time, the energy or the love that is needed to be there for this man and his parents. I've given him eight years of my love and affection, and he spat it back into my face during the hardest and most vulnerable time of my life
Also, why would they think I'd help him after everything he's done? Especially since I think he deserves to be in jail for not only hurting my children, but also for hurting myself and Jessica.
I hope and pray he's jailed for the rest of his natural life. I mean I've tried being a good wife, but he has attacked my children. He has attacked me. He has lied and tormented us, and I'm supposed to help him?
I don't even know how I got here. How did we get here?
I've packed everything up and I'm leaving. I'm disappearing with my kids, and anything else between me and these people can be handled through my lawyer. The only person who knows where I'm moving to is my lawyer and my sister. I mean what else can I do to protect my children? His entire family blames me. And how do I keep my head high when I'm now being treated like I'm an evil and disgusting person by pretty much everyone I once called a family? These people are trying to destroy me inside and out, and I don't know how to survive them. How am I supposed to rebuild my life when they won't stop tormenting me?
In less than a year of their birth, I've managed to fail my children...
TLDR: My soon to be ex-husband was arrested while stalking his former mistress/sex worker and during his arrest they found drug residue and tools for abduction
Relevant Comments:
Change your surname/the kids' surnames:
My kids and I have double-barreled surnames (my surname and their dads) but when I can we will drop his and we’ll all go by just mine.
People blaming OOP:
The sad fucking thing it’s not only his parents. It seems like everyone is blaming me.
OOP's response to a crappy (now deleted) comment:
“ You need to discover the reasons why you failed to notice or do anything about everything that was going on with him. You have to build skills so you can take full ownership over your own life.”
This genuinely has me fucking raging right now! I feel like everyone keeps blaming me!
And I don’t know why everyone keeps blaming me for his shit! We didn’t have any problems in the previous 7 years of our marriage. He started doing drugs during my pregnancy and this is when he started to behave abnormally. I tried to get him help because I thought it was depression or the stress of being a new parent.
When I noticed his irritablity, combativeness and generally shitty behavior was more than just depression or jealousy of me spending more time with my new born children, I kicked him out, I got a lawyer and involved the police because there no way in hell I’d stay with someone who hurt my children or let him get away with it and I also made sure to get emergency custody of my children. This is also around the same time when he spiralled into using more drugs. I don’t know what else I could’ve done but I know I took all the right steps when I noticed his escalation!
I’m so sick of everyone acting like I was making him do drugs and like I’m suppose to know that he’d ruin my life after having had a good marriage before he started taking drugs and going out of his mind.
What has your lawyer said about disappearing?
I currently have emergency custody. My lawyer is the one who suggested to disappear (meaning moving to new house and not letting anyone know) because she says this is a time of great danger and I heartily agree. Since my ex-husband first went to look for me at the house but me and my children went to stay somewhere else for a few days because I was scared he’d come back after he broke into the house previously and attacked me.

Url: https://web.p.ebscohost.com/ehost/detail/detail?vid=0&sid=3275b164-3f3a-4206-8329-4476a8eddc0b%40redis&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZQ%3d%3d#AN=158651457&db=a9h
Title: “Dating in the Digital Age: A Content Analysis of Dating Websites Designed for Disabled People”
Author: A. Santinele Martino & E. Moumos
Date Published: August 3, 2022
Today, there are thousands of online dating websites that millions of people go to looking for love. There are popular websites such as eHarmony or Match. There are also dating websites which target a more specific audience like elderly people, people of different religions and even one specific to farmers. A few of these dating websites cater to disabled people. The purpose of all of these sites is to help people establish connections and find love based on similar interests and preferences. Dating websites for disabled people are designed to help those with a disability find a match. Sometimes even people without disabilities are looking to make a connection with someone with a disability. These online dating websites show the compatibility between two people and create a safe space where disabled people don’t have to feel ashamed of their disability, but rather proudly show who they are beyond their impairment. A study in 2022 titled, “Dating in the Digital Age: A Content Analysis of Dating Websites Designed for Disabled People,” looks into the positives that dating websites provide for disabled people.
The First Media Key: Balance
In the book, Infinite Bandwidth, seven media keys are described. The first media key, balance, shows that we must look at media from all angles. “We have to look at the target audience, the media-maker’s intent, the context of certain actions or decisions, and the consequences those actions and decisions bring in order to determine if the media is acceptable for us or for our children” (Gan, pg. 23). The first step of applying balance is prayer and we should pray for the virtue of temperance, that directs people to good in a healthy manner (Gan, pg. 31). When using this key of balance in assessing media, we must show temperance and be willing to see media from every angle.
According to this study, one dating site states, “‘That’s not to say that all of our members are disabled; we have plenty of non-disabled women and men who are eager to meet someone like you too.’ They noted that non-disabled people who choose to join these specific digital sexual fields were individuals who would not discriminate against disabled people as potential partners’” (Martino & Moumos). This is a good example that both the website and the people on the website are showing balance because they are not one-sided in who can be on the site and who they are looking to date on the site. It shows a temperance to the good of maintaining a healthy, unbiased relationship between the people on the dating site, whether they are disabled or non-disabled, they do not discriminate between the two.
The Second Media Key: Attitude Awareness
In the second media key, attitude awareness, we look at the attitudes behind certain forms of media. “It’s been created and designed to convey the point of view of the media-maker and to achieve the goal they set out for their creation” (Gan, pg. 40). In this media key we must pray for prudence. When praying for prudence, we are reminded of the good in everything around us and choose to find the good in our lives and surround ourselves in goodness.
A website from the study said, “‘Dating has its challenges, particularly when a person is disabled, and may not be able to get around town as easily as other people. An online dating site for the disabled will help people find friends and date’” (Martino & Moumos). Because of this quote, we can infer that the goal of online dating websites for disabled people, particularly this dating site, is for the good of others. These sites are positive because they help people make connections and build healthy relationships.
The Third Media Key: The Dignity of the Human Person
The third media key is the dignity of the human person. This media key discusses how we need to understand that everyone is a unique creation of God, and that the media should share in our respect for dignity. “The human person is equal parts matter and spirit, flesh, and soul. Our bodies aren’t cages that contain a soul. They’re a part of us…” (Gan, pg. 53). We also need to understand that the “[m]edia should also help us understand the importance of giving ourselves in love to others” (Gan, pg. 53). A prayer we can use in order to put this media key in practice is a prayer for justice. Justice allows us to make positive relationships and understand the importance of respecting your neighbor.
Online dating sites allow disabled people to embrace who they are and not let their disability define or cage them in, but rather show others that they too are equal and are looking for love just like everyone else. “These websites framed themselves as spaces that created equal opportunities for disabled people” (Martino & Moumos). This quote shows that the third form of media through dignity lets disabled people make connections with others in a safe environment that is respectable and proves that they too are creations of God.
The Fourth Media Key: Truth-Filled
The fourth media key is titled truth-filled. In this key we learn about how we should be filled with the truth and not with lies. In the media today, it is just as easy to share truths as it is to share lies and falsehoods. “We can all ‘make’ media that leads people to the truth, and we can all use media in a way that obscures the truth” (Gan, pg. 76). The prayer we can use to seek truth-filled media in our lives is fortitude. Fortitude will allow us to remain strong in our temptations to stray from the truth and overcome this obstacle by being truthful and honest.
This study presented a fact that many disabled people feel a need to hide their disability from people online because they may feel ashamed or afraid of rejection. However, online dating websites for people with disabilities allow for people to have a safe space where they can be truthful and freely show who they are. “[T]here are also examples of disabled people who actively choose to disclose their impairment because it was important for them to find a partner who is understanding and accepting of their impairment” (Martino & Moumos). This is an example of how the media key of how a truth-filled and honest foundation to a website is important.
The Fifth Media Key: Inspiring
Inspiring is the fifth media key. “We create those signs, and through them people find their way… [b]y God’s grace, we make media that inspires people toward their transcendent destiny” (Gan, pg. 84). In discovering this media key, we should pray for hope. By placing hope in God we are able to discover our eternal life with Him. God wants us to experience all of the joys of life and so we must be inspiring in our media messaging and communication because it is a gift from God. “Media should inspire because that’s what media is intending to do” (Gan, pg. 94).
Dating websites for people with disabilities show that disabilities shouldn’t be looked upon negatively, but rather positively. This shows that disabled people are made in the image and likeness of God, and a website like this inspires them to love who they are because God loves them and they are perfect in His eyes. They also feel inspired to meet someone who doesn’t look at them like they have a disability. These websites inspire happiness and give hope for a better life. One website in the study said, “we have the best facilities to help you succeed… and find your perfect date online so you can eliminate loneliness from your life, succeed and find happiness” (Martino & Moumos).
The Sixth Media Key: Skillfully Developed
The next media key is skillfully developed. In this key, we find that the Church believes that all media should be skillfully developed. We should present the media with the best quality. “Ultimately, no matter how deadly or false the underlying message of a particular piece of media might be, if it comes in the right package – if it’s been skillfully developed according to cultural expectations and industry standards–it will strike many people as good and true” (Gan, pg. 109). A prayer for this key is faith in yourself and the media. So by asking for faith you can trust that you will develop appropriate media and also have a good perspective on what should be expected from the media.
The online dating websites for disabled people are skillfully developed because they are promoting a positive way for people to meet and bringing happiness and joy to people’s lives. “Websites emphasized the narrative of disabled people overcoming isolation and accessibility barriers. Many websites also promoted the idea that their platform eased the uncomfortable task of disclosing one’s impairment and would improve their overall quality of life” (Martino & Moumos).
The Seventh Media Key: Motivated by and Relevant to Experience
This final media key is supposed to create an experience for us as consumers and move us into action. “Good media also does all that in a language we can understand. It uses words, metaphors, and images that make sense to us. Good media connects with us when it touches something in us, when it speaks to our own experience of need, love, fear, and want. It reflects the world as we know it back to us” (Gan, pg. 118). A prayer we can use to help us with this media key is charity. If we pray for charity then we are asking for the understanding of others.
The ultimate purpose of online dating websites is to create an experience for its members and help them find lasting love. Dating websites for disabled people are also motivated to connect people that especially find it hard to meet new people. This reflects our world because these sites are here to help others and give them a chance at happiness and joy (Martino & Moumos). A person’s disability doesn’t define them and by going online and sharing themselves with the world it allows others to see that those with disabilities are children of God who need love too. Websites that promote and motivate people to have a positive effect on the world and on others. It allows people to connect and share their experiences and find happiness in the world that God created for us.

Sionia
Chapter 13
Map First Previous
It was an overcast day with a bit of fog as I exited the carriage for my morning constitutional. At the gate to our enclosure, the owner of the inn wanted to provide the morning meal. I agreed to bacon, eggs, toasted sliced bread, cheese and apple cider. The inn owner was over joyed given the fact that my party was an imposing fifty two counting the apprentice doctors.
I ate with Freya who was still looking after Charlie and making sure he ate enough. It did not escape my notice the look Freya gave me with the “I want a child” expression and attitude. I set that aside as it was obvious that Freya's and my relationship would accelerate soon but I wanted to pursue her without the trials and issues of hard travel with a large group.
Upon seeing Robert, I sought him out as he was talking with Hazel. I stopped short when I noticed their copper rings and general appearance. I then motioned to Robert as I stepped forward.
“I will send Gus and Lorna to get clothes for you two and Charlie. You also need to remove your rings and put them on a cord to hang around your neck so you can access it quickly but hide it too. Stay hidden in the carts until you change into your new clothing. If you are being sought, those searching will eventually take notice our group if not actually closely inspect our party for rings as well as any child of similar age. Just be cautious and go out of your way to stay hidden for about eight to ten days. Then you can relax. Just act like you belong to my house! Be a servant that does not have much to do. However, do pitch in here and there as travel is a strain on everyone.” I stated my wise counsel and order.
“We will do as you say Lord Wyatt. Where will Charlie stay and wear?” Asked Robert with concern.
“His new clothing will be non nondescript of a commoner and he will become just another one of my wards. He will wear his ring on a cord around his neck as well. Since he is my ward, he will travel with them and be under the same restrictions and protection all my wards have. Your duty right now is to support me as guardian for the young lad as I am in charge. Make no mistake on this matter! Challenge it and suffer greatly.” I stated with authority how things would be followed by a strong warning.
“We understand.” Robert answered with a salute and bow which Hazel also copied.
I sought out Gus and gave him five koper to go get commoner clothing that was a dark color and a second that was lite tannish brown. I made sure Gus understood the clothing would be bought from a shop that is not frequented by nobility for our newest trio and also to find slippers that would closely fit but not custom made. Lastly, Gus was to get basic grooming supplies for Charlie. With that finished, Gus and Lorna went to judge the clothing and shoe sizes they were to get.
Finally, I caught up with Freya again where we shared a quick hug and kiss that I hoped no one saw or at least only one or two persons. I asked Freya to continue looking after Charlie as he is the newest of my wards. I asked her to keep Charlie out of sight as I did not want any spy to get an easy look at him and to get a cord for Charlie's ring and hang it around his neck out of sight. Back at my carriage, I took out several copper rings from the strongbox which I took to Luke my blacksmith to have him fit all my people with rings denoting their service to my house as it needed to be done. I thought this would have the added benefit to further hide the trio from assassins.
With things set into motion, I asked Razor and Meowth to accompany me to the adventurer's guild office leaving the wolf kin brothers to look after the girls and Charlie.
Walking about a quarter mile from the inn, Razor stopped and put his big paw on my chest and pushed me behind him a bit. Meowth growled with a hiss which Razor also gave a very low grumbling growl.
“What is it?” I asked as I put my hand on my sword hilt.
“Meow Lord Wyatt. That tom in the black cloak a bad human fur sure. He kills for coin and does highway robbery.” Meowth stated with another growl and a Q sounding hiss.
“I have fought him before when I guarded a merchant through lands of Mag Mell. It was a hard fight against his mercenary friends. We won eventually but many of ours were wounded and killed. I want to rip his belly apart!” Growled Razor with his desire for revenge.
“He is a walking cat-tastrophy! I want to claw his eyes out!” Meowth growled again her own desire of violence.
“Watch him close. If he does anything threatening or tries to follow me, you have permission to deal with him however your wish. If he does nothing, just watch him on the sly without being obvious and do absolutely nothing! I do not need to be in a fight against possible dozens in the middle of a town I do not know!” I ordered with a slice of my hand through the air.
“Agreed.” Answered Razor and motioned for Meowth to move behind me to protect my back.
The mercenary did nothing and actually sat down to eat his morning meal as we past. The adventurer's guild office was just a small two story building about thirty feet by thirty feet. Inside was an open spaced room about twenty by twenty feet with four tables evenly spaced. At the back, was a counter that separated a staircase, a store room and an office from the front area where a fifty something man with gray hair stood.
“Welcome to Trino Adventurer's Guild office, I am Ronga. How can I be of assistance.” Stated Ronga with a salute and head bow.
“I wish to hire Zack Tally's party from Avalon for a guard, scouting and guide job.” I requested crossing my arms and made what I understood was the standard merchant's business pose.
“Zack Tally. Yes, I can send a floxis request but it will be at least a week before I get a reply.” Stated Ronga as he scratched the back of his head.
“I want Zack's party to met me about three to five millo this side of Avalon on the main road as I will not be waiting here.” I further explained what I wanted.
“That will require an upfront fee for those kinds of arrangement. May I ask who is making the request?” Ronga asked as he was writing the job request down.
“I am Count Ryan Wyatt.” I stated with a look that I hoped was incredulous.
“Count Ryan Wyatt. Wait. You are all everyone talks about these days.” Ronga stated as he looked up in surprise.
“Whatever, not interested in gossip of others.” I stated with a heavy frown.
“Yes, I understand. But tell me, did you really kill a war orc in single combat all by yourself while not once taking a blow that had injured many dark elves before you joined the fight to rescue them?” Ronga asked with undisguised excitement.
I sighed and said, “Yes, I suppose that is true. I am certain it is not as you imagine it.” I stated as I tried to keep my answer short and sweet.
“Yes, I understand. However, defeating a war orc in single combat is amazing!” Ronga stated as he could not stop his excitement as if he had met a legendary idol celebrity.
“Please, Zack Tally's party!” I stated again with my index finger thumping the counter.
“Yes, yes. I will send the filoxis right away. I will require one sceats upfront. How long do you wish to hire Zack and his party?” Ronga asked still beaming with his excitement.
“You know, I am not sure. I am traveling to Camelot. I have never been there before and do not know the dangers, roads or places to rest. Thus, the guide part. I am lacking in guards and fighting strength to deal with raiders and rogue mercenaries. I have already fought battles short handed. I just want to make sure I have more protection. So, ten days to two weeks at a minimum. Two to six months at the most. However, that could change once I reach Camelot.” I stated as I really was not sure.
“Yes, I have heard about you wiping out a nasty dishonorable mercenary unit that abandoned the army as cowards to runaway and join pirates.” Ronga stated with even more excitement.
“That is way over exaggerated and not accurate. I had Knights of the Sixth Order with me.” I stated the truth.
“Yes, yes. I heard they were drunk and you had to save them from being slaughtered.” Ronga continued his excitement that was now just getting too much to deal with.
I sighed and shook my head. I then hit the counter with my fist to get Ronga's attention.
“Just figure ten days to two weeks for now. Leave the contract open ended as I have travel to do after I leave Camelot.” I stated with exasperation.
“Yes, yes. That will be two hundred fifty denari for ten days. Should there be an attack by monsters then the pay is increased by half. Do you wish to pay here or in the city of Avalon?” Ronga asked as he was finally calming down from his excitement.
“Avalon. Circumstances always change and future is never certain.” I stated after thinking for a minute.
“Good. I will need fifty denari for the up front plus fracto twenty five for the job posting fee with the guild.” Ronga stating the bill's total.
With that, I handed over one scates and one peleno. I quickly realized that “Fracto” meaning fraction of a whole was an ancient Roman term on earth for decimal place with money or numbers. I then remembered I needed some mites where I handed over a koper for one hundred mites as that was all that Ronga would exchange.
“It was my pleasure to assist you Lord Wyatt. You are very welcome here anytime.” Ronga stated with a salute and a very deep exaggerated bow.
“Alright.” I stated and motioned for Razor and Meowth to follow me out.
Looking across the way and down the road back toward the inn, I saw a small merchant storefront with the same sign as the Green Trading Company of the tradesman's guild I previously had been to. Heading over, I inquired for another fully fitted out cart and desire to hire a stable boy servant who could drive a cart. About forty minutes later, I was introduced to an eighteen year old boy named Raulo Zukas. I learned he was previously the stable boy for the tradesman's guild and was recently trained to drive a supply cart. I also purchased a water cask, extra tin cups and two cart replacement wheels as I saw a cart with a broken wheel being repaired. I ordered the cart with spare wheels tied to the side delivered immediately to the Resting Unicorn Inn.
About an hour later, I had our group loaded up and heading out. The newest cart was solely for my people ride in. The carts for the Order of Knights was cramped given the sheer number of people now numbering fifty six in total with the newest additions to our group. However, the main reason for the new cart was for Robert, Hazel and Charlie. They would need a cart to travel through the city of Avalon as the original carts were already full of passengers, baggage and supplies.
The travel on the road south was steady and unsurprisingly boring. Pamba just stretched on her back to sleep where she actually snored which made me and Gus laugh. We continued on until little after mid day where we stopped for lunch. I was informed by Lars that Ivor had spotted three riders that apparently was following us as our pace was slow and florse riders should have overtaken us easily. Ivor also reported that they looked like soldiers or mercenaries. With that news, I informed Robert and Hazel. I then spoke with Freya to insure that Charlie hid himself as much as possible. I also gave two of my extra swords to Freya's remaining girls from Asgardia for their reputation as fighters was well known.
When Big Jake and Jason was announcing meal ready to be served, the Mercenary riders came up quickly and camped on the opposite side of the road where they began to eat cold rations. It was obvious that they were looking our party over closely. I had to stop Razor whose fur stood up as I recognized the mercenary from Trino.
“Razor, do nothing unless they cross the road.” I ordered for I wanted them to get a look.
“I do not like it but as you command.” Razor said as I realized he was actually considering on acting against my orders.
I had Lars post an extra guard to face the mercenaries to send a message of strength that even their little party would be noticed and opposed with serious force. When our party began packing up and loading back into the carts, the mercenaries also mounted up where they galloped quickly back toward the city of Trino. I sighed with relief as I suspected that they were looking for Charlie and had assumed he was not with our group.
Two days later, we entered into Monmu where we stopped at a very large inn called the Red Apple Tavern. It was similar to the one in Trino where it had wooden walled enclosures for large traveling parties to camp. Again, I forbid any in our party from going to the tavern as I did not want any drunken problems. I allowed the Tavern owner to bring out two casks of ale and one of beer. The meal was boar steaks, potatoes with gravy and green peas with diced carrots. The inn also had a filoxis message for me from the adventurer's guild letting me know that Zack Tally's party would meet me five millos from Avalon's north main bridge gate.
About two hours after our party had gone to sleep, I was awakened by noise and call to arms.
I heard Razor roar as and the carriage shook when he leaped off from where he was sleeping.
“Alarm! Alarm! Arm yourselves!” Called one of the guards on watch.
“Reeeearrr!” Screamed Meowth with hissing as it sounded as if she was in a cat fight back on earth.
Grabbing and putting on my weapons belt where I pulled the sig and readied myself for battle. I pulled back the window curtain to see what was happening as I could hear fighting all around. I first saw Meowth slashing at a cloaked person and then in a flash of incredible agility she jumped up onto attacker's shoulders taking him to the ground. A split second later, Meowth had ripped out the throat of this intruder. I then saw Razor off to the left had easily dispatched his man and standing tall over his foe was screaming his victory roar.
Looking around further, I saw one of my guards on his knee seemingly dazed with another holding a person at sword point who had been wounded.
“Men of House Wyatt!” I called out my predetermined code phrase which would alert me if fighting was still ongoing or if all was secure.
“Rah!” Called out my guards in unison acknowledging the fight was over and our group was victorious.
Stepping out of the carriage, I walk over to Lars who was checking on Greg who had blood streaming down the side of his head.
“Thieves, Lord Wyatt. Greg took a blow from a slinger's stone. Good thing he wore his padded head mail as all should. He is alright just stunned a bit. More of the mail cutting him than anything else.” Lars stated with a salute and double chest bump.
“Have Old Maude look at him just to be sure. Build up the fire over there and bring the intruder.” I stated and holstered my sig.
Before the roaring fire that brightly lit the enclosure, I began my interrogation.
“You will answer my questions quickly and without lies. If you do not answer or lie, I will let Razor slowly rip you to pieces after he removes your tongue so you can not scream.” I threatened the thief and pointing to Razor's blood soaked claws.
The thief's eyes bugged out to the point that you would think they would pop out and roll around on the ground. Razor to his credit reached out his right paw with claws extended slowly toward the thief's eyes then quickly ripped the thief's shirt demonstrating the how sharp his claws were.
“I will talk!” The thief said as Lars had also put his thumb on the wound in the thief's right shoulder that was cut deep enough that the right arm was useless.
“Who are you and why come after us?” I asked as I drew my dagger using it to seemingly clean under my fingernails as a threatening gesture.
“My name is Andros. We are or were an adventurer party hired to recover a ventu volpis that was spotted with your group by its owner. We though we could slip in and get out without getting caught. Beast people are harder to sneak past than we thought.” Andros stated as he looked at the ground unable to face me.
“The ventu volpis is my companion and has never been someone else's property! Who hired you?” I stated then asked threateningly with my dagger pointed at Andros.
“The guild office has that information. We were told it was a noble of significant authority who wanted to keep their name secret. The pay was very good at three gold.” Andros stated shaking his head.
“We will go to Avalon and see if your story is true. I am sure the guild has harsh penalties for rogue adventurers who do crimes under the guise of a legit job.” I stated as I sheathed my dagger.
“I know. Ten years hard labor often in a dwarven mine. If you are lucky, working on stone walls or laying brick on roads.” Andros stated as he shook his head realizing what his fate would be.
“Have Maude look after his wound so he does not die before we reach Avalon. Once done, tie his hands and feet. He will ride with the baggage with a guard. We will deliver him to the adventurer's guild in Avalon tomorrow. Now, lets get back to sleep. Well done, men of House of Wyatt!” I stated my orders and praise of my guards.
“Rah!” Shouted the guards in unison.
Just as the first sun was peaking out, I had everyone woken up and having the morning meal. The owner of the inn made breakfast of bacon and eggs with bread toasted over an open fire, fresh churned butter, apple sauce and apple cider. The sheriff of Monmu came to collected the dead bodies and he took my statement as to what happened. The sheriff wanted to take Andros into custody but I refused stating I was taking him to Avalon to know the truth. The sheriff just shrugged and left.
A little over an hour later, our party was back on the road and heading mostly southwest and down to the river Paradise. It was about nine hours travel from Monmu to the city of Avalon. We made good time and stopped for lunch about six hours later as the suns were reaching their zenith of mid day. I had Big Jake and Jason make sandwiches for everyone as I did not want to spend two to three hours for lunch. We were back on the road over an hour later.
It was late afternoon early evening when I was informed by Ivor that there was heavily armed and well kitted out adventurer group sitting on the side of the road ahead. I asked Lars to have Nick, a scout and point man for our party, inquire if this armed group was Zack Talley's party. Once Nick gave the affirmative sign, I had our little train pull well off the road.
Exiting the carriage I was flanked by Razor, Meowth, Lars and Ivor as I approached Zack Talley's party. Nick and Moe then bracketed the ten adventurers.
“I am Count Ryan Wyatt.” I announced as I approached the group.
A golden haired well muscled man in his late twenties stepped forward.
“I am Zack Talley and leader of this group called the Keepers of the Blood Oath.” Zack stated with a salute and bow followed by a sweeping arm toward his party.
“It is good to meet you, Zack. I find that I have need of your services.” I replied with a slight nod of my head.
“It is an honor to work for one with your reputation. Let me introduce my party. Here is Mi a dog kin from Argosa. She is my right hand and our tracker. Fang is a jackal kin from the Far Islands and our scout, Leonardo a lion kin from Amazonia is a melee fighter, Brent is a shield man from the Blue Mountains, Dagmar is from Shambala who is our negotiator and in charge of procuring supplies. She is excellent with the bow. Kia, Ollie and Ozzy are brothers from Yis so they are expert florse riders. They are very skilled with lance and good with a bow and sword. Lastly is Todd a master swordsman who served in the army as a vanguard attacker. Todd like me is from Avalon. I am master of the sword and bow and was a sergeant in Duke Boasag's levied army. I am the fifth son of a baron and do not have any title or lands. So, I became an adventurer.” Zack introduced and explained everyone's skills and background.
“Very good. I am traveling to Camelot to meet with the king. I have many wards under my protection from up north that I am escorting south. I hired you because one of my wards needs guards to protect them as they have a very dangerous enemy in Avalon. I do not want to risk their lives as it would stain my honor. They will be riding in a cart through Avalon that you will be guarding. Find a good camping spot a good days journey from Avalon that is away from any towns, taverns or inns. I will catch up two days later after I finish my business. After that, you will guide me to Camelot and provide extra security. That is basically what I need from your party.” I explained.
“That is not a problem and seems a fairly simple job. However, the enemy you speak of must be very dangerous for you to hire us given your prowess and reputation. Worry not for we have never failed a job.” Zack stated with confidence and a short laugh.
“You will be guarding a cart with my stable boy Raulo the driver and house servants Rob and Hazel who are assigned to care for my ward and Jason one of my cooks. I ask that you do not speak with them unless it is absolutely necessary. I do not want them spooked nor have any bad stories that the king might find displeasing. Understand that I have quiet a few wards which the king will speak with. I will hold you responsible if the king is displeased.” I bluffed a threat to help hide Charlie's identity.
“Will you require us to hunt game?” Zack asked as you could see his mind hard at work.
“Yes. Just enough for your group and the five you will be guarding. I ask that you wait here a full span before you head out. I do not want this cart associated with our group in Avalon. I want people to think they are with you or you are helping them out of kindness. That should be everything.” I replied with a a quick half salute.
“Very well. We will do as you have asked. When you go to the guild, ask to speak with Marine. Tell her this is a level one escort. Marine will then collect the payment..” Zack explained with a salute and bow of his head.
“Good enough. I will see you in two days before nightfall. If we have not caught up to you by then, head to Camelot and leave a message with the guild where I can find you.” I stated my final instructions.
“Very well. Have safe travel and we will be waiting.” Zack stated with a salute and a bow.
After separating Robert, Hazel, Charlie, Raulo and Jason and their cart, Pamba suddenly refused to leave Charlie. I was shocked when she actually growled at me when I reached for her.
“OK, you win. You want to ride with Charlie then so bit it!” I acquiesced with a sigh.
Pamba then barked where she rubbed up against my leg before she leaped into Charlie's arms catching him off guard.
“I will care for her. So, do not worry.” Said Charlie with a smile as he was happy to have Pamba's companionship.
“See that you do care for her well. Remember what I told you and be a good boy.” I said with a nod of my head.
We headed back onto the road which was before a slight rise that gave an excellent view of Avalon in the river valley below. Avalon was both a city and a rather sizable island that sat where the Paradise River broadened out into a flood plain. This broad area appeared as a large lake with the city of Avalon filling up most of the island save an orchard section that obviously was kept as a food source should the city be besieged.
The ride down to river was nerve racking at times as the winding switchback road was built up with very steep drop offs to provide easy travel over the steep terrain of the river valley. I chose to read the book of animals I had purchased to keep my mind well occupied off the possible perils of crashing down hill into the river below.

Groaning awake, panic twisted my features at the sight of Marcus slumbering peacefully next to me. Flying off the bed, the sound of me hitting the floor had him snapping awake. Patting the bed, a tender blush painted my cheeks at him grinning flirtatiously in my direction. Seconds from reprimanding him, the door blew open. Tarot bounced over to me, a tarot card flipping through his fingers. Flashing a bemused grin, he flicked the card into my palm. Of course, he had to dance his way in. When was he going to stop being such a child?
“First job and you might like it. We have an unknown killer in the seventies. We have intel that they are meeting with Glanda.” He explained with a wink, confusion twisting my features. “Glanda Kills the witch we are dealing with. Prevent their meeting and you get to put another serial killer on the map. Your disguises are on the door. Have fun, my lovely weirdos.” Floating out in a scarlet velvet suit, pale blue bell bottoms and a green floral disco shirt had me rolling my eyes. Popping to my feet, Marcus looked less impressed with his navy bell bottoms and a cheesy blue and white button up shirt. Low growls rumbled in my throat, my fingers dancing along the material. Excusing myself to give my hair the Farrah Fawcett treatment, the hair curler worked overtime to give me the perfect bouncy flips and curls. Flipping through the makeup bag, the correct pallet greeted me. Painting my face the best I could, the bold lines contrasted wonderfully with the blue. Coming out to get dressed, Marcus looked miserable in his outfit. Fussing with the colorful material, a fit of laughter burst from his lips at my hair and makeup. Flipping him off as I tugged on my modern undergarments, he turned his back as I tugged on the denim bell bottoms. Tying the front of my disco shirt, hesitation lingered at the faded scars covering my bare stomach. They weren’t completely visible, a lump forming in my throat. Getting lost in my thoughts, Marcus dropping my pendant over my head ripped me back into reality. Sliding his hands down to my hips, his lips brushed against the top of my head.
“No one is going to see them and witchcraft isn’t so taboo. At least you look sexy. I look like someone’s dad back in the day.” He complained with a snarl on his lips, a quick peck on his cheek softening his frustration. Plucking the tarot card from his fingers, a date was required for me to work my spell. Lifting my pendant over my head, his hand stopped me. Fishing around his pocket, he pressed a silver engraved dagger into my palm. What was the point of this weapon? It wasn't that I didn't know my way around them but a deep disdain lingered with using them.
"I can’t have you trapped without a way out again.” He whispered gruffly into my ear, a shiver running up my spine. “Cut your palm and it should shrink into a charm.” Listening to him with a look of pure annoyance, my magic tended to keep me alive. Cutting my palm, a bright light blinded me. The light died down to reveal a jingling charm bracelet on my left wrist, pride glistening in his eyes. Offering him my palm, hunger burned in his eyes. Licking off the blood, the substance would keep him healing throughout our next mission. Remembering that I needed boots, Marcus crouched down to slide on a pair of worn black boots. Thanking him while reading the date one more time, something told me that today was going to get heated. Clearing my throat, it was time to go. Spinning my pendant clockwise, time would always be on my hand.
“I call upon the sands of time to whisk me away to the Quincy Market in Boston on the twenty-sixth of August in the year of nineteen seventy-six!” The pendant spun faster, a blast of energy knocking us onto the cobblestone street. Landing on our asses, one would think that we could land on our feet by this point but the energy was unpredictable. A sea of bell bottoms and brick buildings greeted us, a long sigh pouring from my lips. Staring at the card in my hand, nothing but the card of death greeted me. So much for the details, Marcus tapping my shoulder causing me to quit my silent fuming. Dropping my pendant over my head, his head rested on my shoulder.
“Any more information about our mission or are we in the dark per usual?” He grumbled venomously, his fingers drumming on my lap “Of course it had to be on a busy day.” Helping to my feet with him, the food vendors had people lining up and blocking the way. The energy shifted, a woman with a sleek silver bob and dazzling emerald eyes walked past me. Time slowed down, emerald ribbons following her. Her green crop top matched her brown bell bottoms to a tee, our eyes meeting for a second. Flipping her hair with a middle finger, my temper visibly flared. Chuckling under her breath, Marcus had to hold me back. Glancing around for the person she was meeting with, another energy giving us pause. A blood soaked man with dirty blonde waves around his shoulders darted after her, crazed ruby eyes lingering on us for a little too long. A golden spiked club dangled off of his wrist, screams and chaos erupted in the distance. Pushing our way through the crowd, a man lay at my feet. A jar of souvenirs rolled out of his pocket, the face having been beaten to a pulp. That mission was a bittersweet ending, a blast of green energy catching my eyes. Stomping on the tail of her time travel spell, Marcus grabbed my waist. Twisting through time to the land of the dinosaurs, the sheer force of the energy had us splashing into a pond of mud. Dragging ourselves out, she wasn’t getting away that easily. Grabbing onto her magic trail, one yank had them in the mud. Low growls rumbled in her throat as she pulled herself out, a steady stream of curse burst from her lips. Mud dripped to our feet, dinosaurs of all kinds darted around us. Parting our lips to speak, screeches had us hiding behind thick trees. More problems, right? Why did Murphy's law have to taint my plans?
“What the hell is your fucking problem!” She screeched over the chaos around us, a giant leaf tickling my legs. “The great Glanda Kills refuses to listen to anybody! The world will be ruled by chaos!” Rolling my eyes, someone was full of herself. Marcus poked his head around the tree, his club spinning in his hand. Placing my hand on his chest to calm him down, curiosity had me wondering who the hell she thought she was.
“Wow! We speak about ourselves by our names. The fact you speak of yourself by your name implies that you are less of a wicked witch.” I returned sarcastically, waiting with bated breath for a response. “Now we don’t have a backbone after time traveling like a reckless buffoon.” Marcus shot me a warning look, my palm rubbing against his chest to keep him calm. A fit of laughter burst from my throat at her mate and her arguing, the two of them weren’t in sync. Yanking Marcus down by the collar of his shirt, a purr rumbled in his throat. Not now, you hungry demon.
“Calm down, killer. We are going to split up and figure out how they fight.” I teased with a wink, disappointment dimming his eyes. “Play your cards right and we can have fun very soon. You do recall that a pure witch can only engage in such activities if she is married, right?” Huffing a playful fine, he pretended to get on his knees. Sticking out my tongue, I took my necklace off of my neck. Extending it into a smooth violet wand, violet ribbons swirled down my arm. Combining all four elements of nature into a single ribbon had been my specialty. Stepping out from behind the tree, Marcus crept in the opposite direction. Spinning my wand in between my fingers, something had to give.
“Miss Glanda, are you down for a good old fashioned witch’s duel or am I going to have to call you chicken?” I challenged her with a hearty laugh, the muddy witch stepping out from behind the tree. “She makes an appearance.” Raising her palm into the air, ruby poured down her arm. Bowing in my direction, a look of disdain leaving her lips at my steady bow. Manners weren't her strong point either, her disrespect pissing me. Refusing to show it, my composure remained as strong as it always was.
“You act like you are all high and mighty but you are no different than me. We keep breaking the laws of time and you never have yet to face any consequences like me.” She spat icily, my brow raising at her harsh words. “Oh wait, I forgot! The time guardians gave you a free pass because you want to improve people’s lives. How pathetic!” Pointing my wand her direction, another fit of laughter had me doubling over.
“Sure because destroying what has a right to live makes you so much cooler than me.” I taunted with a sly grin, storm clouds rumbling to life. “Screw you with that bullshit. Time isn’t my only strength, you foul wench. Unleash a storm!” Heavy rain soaked us to the bone, the mud splashing around our feet. Snapping her fingers, a blizzard replaced the rain. Snapping my fingers, the rain took over. Grinning ear to ear with triumph, a wave of my hand stopped the storm. Her lips parted to speak, a shrill roar ending our duel. A tyrannosaurus rex roared behind me, true fear rounding our eyes. Looking up slowly, angry yellow eyes met mine. Cursing under my breath, a bright flash of green announced her leaving with her partner. Marcus skidded up next to me, fresh bruises and cuts dotting his exposed skin. Shrinking my wand back down to my pendant, another roar rattled the ground beneath my feet. Dropping it over my head, we needed to get away from the current danger. Splashing through the mud, our eyes scanned the overgrown land for a solution. Hopping into a raging river, rough waters tossed us all about. Holding me close to him, his body took the brunt of the rocks hitting us. The water speed picked up, the sounds of a waterfall roaring away frightening me. Wiggling my fingers in the water, a wave tossed us onto a sandy beach. Rolling onto our backs, his wounds sealed shut. Turning over to face him, the corner of his lips curled into a twitching grin. Curiosity mixed with love, scarlet painting my cheeks.
“Did you plan any of this?” He inquired with a wink, a snort causing him to laugh. “Too bad that we couldn’t get him in jail. At the very least the guy will have the crimes linked to him. Why are you so beautiful?” Snorting at his compliment, his eyeballs must not be working. Sitting up, my hands rested on my knees. Taking off my necklace gingerly, Marcus grabbed my waist as I began to spin it counter clockwise. Time to blow this prehistoric dump!
“Time to go home. I call upon the sands of time to whisk me back home and to set this timeline in place.” I chanted with a wry smile, a blast of energy knocking us into a random park during present time. A familiar energy had my hair standing on in, a demon gang coming our way. Marcus noticed the numb but panicked expression on my face, his hands cupping my face. Struggling to find the words, chains had me paralyzed in my spot. Laughing with an apologetic grin, my past was coming back to haunt me. His stern expression told me to speak, my hand beginning to tremble uncontrollably. Why today of all days?
“I might have pissed off a gang of demons before I met you. So let’s say about twenty years ago.” I expressed with another nervous laugh, his hands dropping to his lap. Mumbling under his breath for a couple of minutes, his harsh words were sure to come my way. Staring around the park to seek out the gang, his attention returned to me. Working through what I had said, a long breath drew from his lips.
“Given your track record of running your mouth, I can presume that you talked yourself into the issue.” He pointed out simply, my eyes averting to the grass. “Judging by your expression, I am correct. While I enjoy our banter, most people don’t.” Jumping to his feet, his hand hovered in front of my face. Accepting his hand with vigor, one tug had me in his arms. Spinning me around, his lips brushed against the top of my hand. Was he ever the flirtatious Casanova or what?
“Wake up your dagger and get ready to talk in a different way.” He ordered with an annoyed expression, my charm expanded into its dagger. “Please do your best to keep your sharp tongue under control.” Clenching my fist, he didn’t flinch the moment I pressed my blade into his throat. As much as I adored him, he didn't have a right to talk to me like a child.
“My banter is my blade and my words are the sharp edge of it. Sue me if I like to mess with my enemies. They broke into my place in search of my pendant and I couldn’t let them take what was given to me.” I spat back, his expression twisting into a bemused grin. “Why won’t you marry me already! Am I not good enough for you! I can’t keep dropping the hint hard enough! I have been alive since the seventies. Do you know how long that is! I didn’t get abused by my father in a shitty home in the worst part of a small town to suffer an empty eternal life! Why did they have to stop me from aging at fucking twenty!” Cupping my mouth, his expression softened. Silent tears trickled down my cheeks, his mind putting two and two together. His lips parted to speak several times, seven masked demons approached us with black iron chains curled around their hands. The tallest one stepped forward, his chains whistling over his head. Preparing for a battle, dread bubbled in my gut.
“Do I have to burn you to get what I want?” He sneered furiously, my lips curling into a sadistic smirk. Must he interrupt an important conversation, my dagger spinning in my palm. Pointing it in his direction, Marcus towered behind me like a shadow. Marching up to him, surprise rounded his eyes. Did these demons not expect me to stand up for myself? Honestly, where were their brains?
“Even if you wanted the pendant, you still need me. Time travel is blood magic and that one person who has the blood is the one in charge of the crystal. Study your damn lore!” I berated him venomously, hovering the dagger over his heart. “Screw off or let me cut your freaking head off!” Rolling his inky eyes, his giant hand swallowed mine. A hearty laugh cascaded from his lips, his hand dropping to his worn jeans. Why put on a big show? Did he desire to mess with my mind in a friendly manner?
“I didn’t come here to fight. I came to warn you. My respect for you was garnered a long time ago when you mouthed off to me.” He warned me with a polite bow, Marcus lowering my blade gingerly with an apologetic smile. “No need for that, mate. Her sharp tongue is her blade. Back to why I wanted to talk to you. Glanda is hiring my cousin and his gang to come after you. Can’t help you because of family ties but know that I won’t be helping him. Have a fine day.” Turning to leave, my hand snatching the hem of his t-shirt had his eyes widening with shock. An apology was necessary, the words tasted odd on the tip of my tongue.
“Don’t leave like that. I am sorry for being rude. Thank you for the head’s up.” I apologized politely, a natural smile curling on his lips. “Where are we?” His words faded in and out, Marcus taking in the information for me. Crunching away, Marcus snapped his fingers in front of my face. Tuning him out again, Glanda’s energy seemed to be near. Dragging him towards the energy, his protests fell on deaf ears. Marching into a city, a pizza parlor ultimately being her destination. Hiding him behind a tree, our eyes watched Glanda stomp into the pizza parlor. Mumbling a spell under his breath, the filth lifted off of our outfits. Seconds from going in, Tarot stepped out of a flurry of tarot cards. Two ordinary bands glittered in his palms, Marcus grinning ear to ear. What did the two man children have planned?
“What I have here is two wedding bands that unify the lovely couple standing in front of me. They are both blessed by the demon king and the grand witch. Slide them on and you are a married couple.” He announced while floating around with a Cheshire Cat grin, Marcus turning towards me. “You didn’t tell her that you planned on asking her. After all that floating around!” Cupping my cheek, his other hand tucked my hair behind my ear. Blushing a deep scarlet, his golden heart made it impossible for me to be mad at him.
“I didn’t know about your past but I don’t care. Hear me out for a second.” He choked out adorably, his cheeks burning a deep crimson. “Do me the honor of becoming my wife in this crazy world. I have to admit something to you. Your light bathed me that day you darted past me with those wounds. You stopped to ask if I was okay and I couldn’t believe it. Everyone hated me at the time. Every moment since has been a blessing and I wish to have many more years with you. I ask again. Will you be my wife?” Melting into his arms, this had been my dream since I was a young child. The image of a big family flashed in my mind, the sight of our children running around a yard while laughing had me smiling softly to myself.
“Why would I ever say no?” I answered in an uncharacteristic lack of sarcasm, his nervous grin swelling into one of relief and pride. “Are you going to slide the ring on or what?” Returning our usual style of banter, his shaking fingers slid on the smaller wedding band. Accepting his band from Tarot’s palm, my own quaking fingers slid on his. Swinging me underneath him, his lips pressed against mine hungrily. Time slowed, the sound of the outside dying down. Our heart beat to the same beat, a tap on my shoulder had the sounds rushing back in. The bands twisted to matching silver metal flames, Marcus kissing the top of my hand. Tarot pointed towards the pizza parlor, Glanda stepping out of the restaurant. Hopping into a onyx town car, our target rumbled away. Tarot shoved his phone in my face, the article that pinned that man to those crimes. Happy to see that, something else ate at me. Why murder them if you could use them? Perhaps there was a special spell you could perform with those souls.
“Don’t worry about his death. Asphy told me that he was going to die that day, regardless.” He assured me with a comforting grin, Marcus embracing me from behind. “She is one of my friends and in charge of the universe. Maybe one day you could meet her. In fact, she is younger than you. The grand witch told me to give you this.” Feeling around the pocket of his suit, he pressed a lilac envelope into my palm. Ripping it open, my heart sank into my stomach at a request to meet with her personally. Lowering the card with a huff, Tarot shrugged his shoulders. What did she need with me now? Every time she asked for me, it was simply another witch hunt.
“Can you tell me if I am going to be ripped to shreds or is this a little spot of tea?” I questioned through gritted teeth, hating that my aunt was calling for me. “Fine, let’s go!” Bringing my dagger back to life, a quick slice had blood staining the paper. Lilac smoke swirled around us, a force of energy whisking us outside heavy lilac doors. Marcus kissed the top of my head, my dagger shrinking back down to its charm form.
“Whatever comes your way, I will be by your side.” He promised lovingly, shooting me a playful grin. “Your words are your blade and your bite is the sharp edge.” Looking back up at him, my husband watched me with all the love in the world. Our marriage may have been rushed but both of us would be more powerful. Perhaps the flames of hope could burn bright once more.

1. Why exactly did the Nomai die? I know it was because of the explosion of Ghost Matter from the Interloper, but why did it kill them and not other life forms, like the lanternfish and the primordial Hearthians?
2. Why can't your translator translate Nomai coordinates? I spent ages trying to figure out how to just fly to the Eye once I had them.
3. How is Solanum alive? I get how they're in a state of quantum indeterminacy, but quantum matter in the game is stable while it's being observed, and Solanum was observing it, so it should have been stable. I guess maybe they were still on it while it was anchored to Brittle Hollow, and your bringing the moon to the Sixth Location retconned their death, but they should still be 200,000 years old and dead anyway. And the Quantum Moon is sometimes at the Sixth Location when you're just normally out and about, so Solanum should be alive and experiencing the passage of time any time that's the case.
4. Speaking of which, why does the Quantum Moon teleport every time you try to land on it? It's being observed, so it shouldn't be moving around. Taking a picture of it shouldn't change anything. I thought maybe it was because you couldn't see because of the fog surrounding it, but you can see the fog, and the photo is also of the fog. Plus your probe also goes right through it unless you're looking at a photo, even if you're seeing what's in the photo with your eyes, which I don't understand.
5. The Eye is itself a quantum object, right? So why is it at a determinate set of coordinates? Moreover, doesn't it orbit the sun, so isn't it moving?
6. Why was there an epidemic of supernovae? Was it just the inevitable death of the whole universe? Shouldn't the universe be contracting and not expanding at that point?
7. What actually happened at the end of the game? Clearly everything the player experiences after falling into the Eye is a hallucination. But then I guess you just... reboot the universe? Effectively restarting a loop that's 2 billion years long instead of 22 minutes? If so, that's kind of dark.

Residential Contracting 101
With over 20 years of building experience, I would like to share with you my insights in navigating becoming a successful contractor. With many different avenues of the building world its key to understand what problems will arise on any given day. A man once told a saying that stuck-the 6 p’s in life- Piss Poor Preparation leads to Piss Poor Performance. Preparation builds everything in construction, without preparation the jobsite will not run correctly. The best advice I was ever given was to learn a little about every trade giving you the ability to understand trade lingo and secrets. An example would be painters use the terminology flash; this means when the sub structure bleads through the paint. Subcontractors will give the best pricing if they respect your knowledge of the industry. If the subcontractor feels they will have to hold your hand through the job they will charge an extra fee…i.e. I call it the aggravation fee. In this blog I will explain the key elements in finding success in all aspects of the industry. Contracting is a physically and emotionally demanding job which requires planning and foresight to complete projects on time within budget. Picking your customer is just as important as picking your employees or subcontractors. I have worked for some of the most demanding customers leading me to question at the end if the job was even worth it. Sleepless nights, constant changes, lack of payment, lawsuit threats, adding work that was in the contract are just a few things you could face with a tough customer. With so many moving parts at all times it is critical to be able to adapt to changes within a short time frame. Materials will come in damaged, subcontractors will be late, employees will get sick, but the deadline you set does not change. The stress can be overwhelming at times keeping your mind in a good place is key to navigating all that is thrown at you. Choosing your client picking the right jobs-Keep these questions in mind The first question to be asked is what the time frame is to start the job to see if it fits within the timeframe for your business. If the time frame doesn’t work then move on from the project or let them know when you would be available to start. If the client really wants to use, they will wait until you are available. Taking on too much work will only lead to problems. Construction is a serviced based business, staying on top of the project and client will eliminate an unhappy customer and construction issues that will be over seen. With online presence if details are missed and customer service lacks it will only be a matter of time the phone will not ring. The second question to be asked to the client is do they have a budget in mind for the project. If they answer yes this is good, follow through with what the budget is. If the budget seems low let them know, this will eliminate a tire kicker, educate them on what the price range could be. If the budget seems reasonable then continue the discussion to the next question. If they answer no let them know that you can give them an estimate to see if the project is feasible with their finical capabilities. Taking on a job that is not correctly budgeted will lead to an unsatisfied customer due to non-transparency of the construction cost. The third question to be asked is anyone else bidding on the job, if the answer is yes, understand you might just be number check for the contractor doing the job. Dig a little deeper and find out how many numbers they are getting and why. If your business model is to be competitive be completely transparent with customer, this will gain trust with them. Let them know you get what you pay for and if you they choose the lowest bid it could lead into lack of quality of work.
The fourth question I will ask is there any specific subcontractors they wanted to use. If the answer is yes then I would explain to them you only use the subcontractors you have a working relationship with. Otherwise, this could backfire as the subcontractor might not show, do subpar work, talk behind your back to the homeowner. In my experience I would stay away from using any homeowner to alleviate problems down the road. A quick conversation now can save headaches down the road. The fifth question I will ask are planning on getting the job permitted, this needs to be known it takes more time for the permitting process. Plans will have to drawn submitted and approved to the city before work can commence. The sixth question I will ask if a residential remodel is are you going to be living through the remodel if yes understand this will take more time to navigate the project due to answering questions and cleaning the house on a daily occurrence. I would recommend seeing if the customer would be willing to move into an Airbnb or friends for at least the demo portion of the project. If they do plan on living through the remodel add a couple hours a day to accommodate the extra time that will be required. The seventh question I would ask in a residential remodel is how old the house is to see if there is asbestos that would need to removed by a proper company. A home built before 1979 will most likely have some asbestos in the house, use a licensed company with proper insurance to dispose of the materials. If everything looks good to this point find out a little more about the client personality. If the client seems reasonable, I would bid the job. Unreasonable people can cause you more stress than its worth. These are some red flags I would look out for. Some jobs are not worth the money. Very demanding in the way you are going to perform your job- I.e., tell you how you are going to do your job- You’re the professional not them! Give you a hard time about your price- haggle with price you estimated- The price is the price! If they are a family with little money and you want to help them out is one thing, if they are trying to beat you down is another. Mention they have a lawyer-there is no need for them to bring up that they have a lawyer - Run for the hills as if the job goes south, you will be the one losing out! Tell you what the payment terms are. It’s your business you get paid how it works for your company. If you want to get paid every Friday, put it into your contract-If the clients do not agree move on it will save you frustrations If they talk bad about the last contractor, chances are they will talk bad about you. There is a reason why the contractor does not work for them anymore, unless he did subpar work this a red flag Clients are using an interior decorator that will purchasing all of the materials- The materials could be ordered incorrectly by the interior designer your company will not make the mark-up it deserves. Interior decorators usually add time to the job as well as act like your boss. Charging a little extra for the time and stress that it will entail is only fair. Clients want to purchase the materials- You are using your knowledge to buy the correct materials-The mark up on the materials keeps the doors open working for wages only pays the bills The husband and wife do not get along-You will become the mediator between the couple it will lead to taking sides a losing proposition- A drama free work place is always best! Dangling carrot-if you do this job the next one will be better-Only look at what there offering at the present moment, if its not a good fit do not take the job for a job down the road…Its not worth chasing a job that might not happen! The Art of the Sale First things first selling your company is all about presentation. In meeting your clients for the first time show up with a collared golf shirt tucked in, belt, nice jeans, and newer shoes. Have a truck that a clean, no dents scratches, preferably washed the day you are going into your meeting. Have a leather note pad that is clean no dirt or paint visible. Show up 5 minutes early, if you’re running a little late shoot them a text to let them know. Treat the situation as if were going on a first date, best foot forward. As you introduce yourself give them a warm greeting, letting them know you are very interested in the work. Find out a little about them, hobbies, where they lived, etc etc. You are going to be working with them on a daily basis its nice to know what makes them tick. Having a good working relationship from the start is key forming a solid relationship. As the conversation progresses find out who wears the pants in the family…ie who’s the final decision maker. If its fits the wife, chances it is…..then kindly let the husband know happy wife happy life when their in a stall mate on an issue. As your looking at the project throw in some suggestions of what you think would look good from past experiences, this will get their attention that you have knowledge and want what’s best for them. If you see ways to save them money in their project let them know, money is a large point of the sale keep that in mind. Mention that you’re not the least expensive contractor but you’re not the most expensive either. Your customer satisfaction is your number one goal which leads to more time spent on keeping them happy. One happy customer will lead to another, one unsatisfied customer leads to work in the future. Bring up the fact the finishing the job on time is key goal to your business, many contractors run several jobs at once causing the jobs to be finished way behind schedule. You must stand out as having integrity, good morals, and the ability to problem solve to get the job. The clients will be testing you to see if you’re a good fit as well. Keep in mind as you take your notes that you must not forget anything they mention as it will come back before the job is completed…i.e. we mentioned that to you before we started the job! Take pictures of the proposed area for work, that way you can use it to better right your estimate. Let them know you will give them a detailed outline of when the job will be completed letting them see how long each phase will take and correlate it with your payment schedule. Before you leave their house let them know when the estimate will be sent to them. MAKE SURE YOU HIT THAT DEADLINE! Once you sent the email over with estimate make sure you get confirmation that they received it. Wait at least 2 days before checking with them, hopefully they contact you first! If they want negotiate the price, let them know that it is the best price that you can manage, its not worth losing money before you start. I closed 80% of the work I estimated by being very transparent and friendly. If you come off with an attitude charge double what the going rates are you might only land 1 out of 10 jobs as well as getting the reputation of being expensive. Bidding the job Looking up industry standards on pricing is what I would go buy for pricing. If you google the coat of any installation there will be a cost range for everything. Looking at the cost ranging from high to low I would tend to be in the middle. Some items might be low on the internet if this is the case use your best judgment not to lose money. Closing sales is key to success and keep the doors open for business. Being in the middle on pricing is key as most customers shy away from contractors that are extremely low or high on the price range. I tend not bid out hourly as wages do not pay for retirement. Bidding is better as customers no the exact price of the cost of construction. It also keeps the job moving quicker as time and material contractors take longer to complete projects…Thus costing the client more money and valuable time they could spend in their house. Using a Contract Using a detailed estimate tied to a contract covers your butt in 99% of the time. Having a piece of mind that every aspect of the job is covered in the estimate and contract protects both your company and the client. Key terms to include in your estimate/contract are. Have a schedule on excel showing the start dates and dates of each trade this will show the customer you are organized with time lines. If not written in the detailed in the estimate the item is excluded- This ensures if its not written down its not included. TBD- To be Determined- A phrase on a line item that has yet to had final decision of products or service needed. -The pricing will follow the decisions to be finalized Give out what your written warranty will be for parts and labor this changes state to state. If the homeowner provides the product than no warranty will be given on that particular item. In the contract have a start date and end date with the verbiage subject to change due to weather, product delivery, change orders Have a progress payment schedule to ensure the client understands when funding will be expected-Including if not payment is rendered service to the project will stop. Have written terms of how change orders will be charged-cost plus 20% or a set fee Make sure in your contract that arbitration is required versus going to court- This will save lawyer fees and going to court Many contracts can be found online and each state requires different contracts
Finding leads Finding leads is easy with the right network of people. I personally do not find working for friends or family members a good fit. Relationships get strained when money is involved, causing undue stress for both parties. I have listed a couple of ways to build a network or find work using the internet. Get in contact with realtor’s- Realtors have a big client base of homeowners who need work done Contact local Architects to see if they are working with any general contractors Leave some business cards at your local materials suppliers-Doowindow/lumber-many times clients will ask salesman for a referral. Join a business networking group- BNI is one of many Join a internet website lead generation company- Houzz, Angie’s List, Home Advisor, thumbtack, Yelp run an ad on craigslist Use a marketing company to market your website-This could become costly with little results Create a Facebook business page Create a Yelp business page
Building your subcontractor base Having 2 subcontractors for every trade, gives you the flexibility of completing jobs on time if the one the subcontractors is too busy at the time you need their service. Your subcontractors are the face of your business, choose owner run companies that are professional. Check to make sure there license are up to date..ie workman’s comp, liability insurance, state license. Choosing subcontractors with lettered vans, logoed t-shirts is s key to looking professional in the clients’ eyes. In the past I have gotten a lot of subcontractors for material supply shops, stopping by jobsites, researching the internet using Yelp, Home Advisor, etc etc. Once you get one good subcontractor ask them if they know any other trades they would recommend. One good subcontractor leads to another in most cases. The key to having a good group of subcontractors is to let them know that you are there to get help them get the job done. They do work for you but without them you are nothing…keep that in mind! Make them aware a clean jobsite is required at the end of everyday to ensure the proper safety for all parties including theirs! Over the years I have referred a lot of companies work when there is only 1 trade needed. Referring work to subcontractors is a good way to get top priority when you have work that needs to be completed ASAP. Timing is everything in times of emergency having a good group of subcontractors will make your business run smoothly. Pay your subcontractors immediately after performing work, this will make them feel appreciated! A happy subcontractor is one that will gladly go the extra mile for you knowing that there not just a number to your business! Buying lunch once a week for the jobsite is always a good token of appreciation!
Supervising In supervising any jobsite its key to monitor everything from materials on hand, weather, vehicle parking (if applicable), jobsite safety, and subcontractors’ workmanship. If you hired a professional there should be little supervision in the work being performed, on rare occasions a new hire might need some mentoring to get the results completed correctly. If you see a problem with there work address it with the worker directly, no need to call his boss…. building repour with the worker letting him know you got his back goes miles down the road! Checking in on the job first in the morning to answer any questions or changes that need to be conveyed and once in the afternoon to make sure all work be completed is done per construction industry standards. A job that is run blindly will have many more issues than one that is watched over. I have seen many jobs with no site supervision, leading to subpar quality work as well as safety hazards. Its better to be like an eagle than cluck like a turkey!
Working with the City/Inspectors On permitted jobs the city and site inspector will be a large part of how smoothly the job runs. Each phase of construction has an inspection allowing for the project to continue. Make sure your subcontractors are aware that the project is inspected before starting the job. The best way to stay on his good side is to provide a clean jobsite and having the job built to the highest standards possible. When having the site inspected be courteous to the inspector asking any questions or concerns you have with the work during the job. Being completely transparent will save you aggravation of problems down the road. The more he trust you the better if you seem sneaky or rude he will make your life a living nightmare! Many inspectors will have an attitude towards you….I suggest keeping quiet and doing what ever he wants….he’s the boss no need to get in a pissing match you will not win at. How to deal with irate customer Stay calm during any argument with an irate customer. Never raise your voice or show that you are bothered by their disgruntled behavior. If the customer is trying to get more from you than agreed upon stand your ground. Worst case scenario is you walk from the job, which in the long run be more of a loss for the client. I have only run into a couple of these clients; they are unreasonable and not worth losing sleep over a few dollars. Its best to terminate the relationship as it would be my best guess that a referral from this customer would not be one you wanted anyway. If you feel it was just a miscommunication on your end, take reasonability and remedy the problem. Taking accountability for your mistake will go a far way in their eyes and on future issues that arise. Prepping the homeowner pre-construction Before starting the job, it very important to give the homeowners a warning of what will happen during the construction process.

1. All furniture in the proposed working area must be moved- I would recommend having the clients take care of this to limit the risk of damage to their belongings.
2. There will be dust that will be in the house up to 3 months after construction-I would recommend hiring a construction cleaning company at the end of the job even so after it is cleaned dust will be present months after words.
3. There will be conflicts between you in the homeowner at some course of the job. - You will do your best to eliminate them as quickly as they arise-i.e. material damages, miscommunication, job delays
4. All decisions on materials must be made before the start of the job- this will eliminate job stoppage due to materials not being on site.
5. All materials will be on site before commencement of job-
6. Payment structures must be made per contract otherwise job will stop until payment rendered
7. Cars are to be moved out of the driveway- Ensures ease of loading and unloading of materials/tools
8. Give the specific hours that workers will be present- i.e. 7-3:30
9. Determine what areas are allowed to be used as staging for tools/materials
10. If animals are present in the home that they put outside or in a room during the day
11. All valuables in the house are locked in safe
12. Ask if using client’s household bathroom is okay or to bring in Porter Potty
13. Being transparent as possible is key to keeping a great relationship with your client!

During Construction During construction it is key to take detailed photos to eliminate any damages that were not caused by the construction process. I would also make a video to ensure all areas are included. All subcontractors should also take progress pictures to ensure if problems arise in the future, they will not be responsible for any work that they did not perform. Keep an on-going log of progress to the homeowners and share the pictures for there records. This will keep homeowners excited of the progress being made. When the house is gutted to the studs it is important to have construction photos showing where all utilities are run in the walls or sub floor. If there is a problem in the future there will photos showing all utility locations. Protect all flooring with plywood or floor protective. I also like to protect front door and tarp all areas where subcontractors are to be working. Make sure to cover any chandeliers/furniture/doorways with plastic to eliminate dust. Ask the homeowners if they have any concerns that they could think of. We’re all human and possibly a detail was missed! Post Construction Phase If the project went smoothly appreciation should be shown to the customer. Find out if the husband likes a particular type of liquor. Bring the wife a bouquet of flowers. Send a Christmas card to the family letting how much you appreciated the work. You know you have done a good job if they tell you they will refer you to their friends. The best compliment you could receive is a good referral. In Summary Try to find a knitch in the market, I found kitchens to be a great remodel projects. Bathrooms are tough as they are small, expensive with little profit margin with every trade involved. Windows/doors are also another great knitch as they can be installed quickly. There are so many different remodeling items that can be stream lined to make the selling installing process flawless. Once the core group subcontractors are in place the job almost runs itself. Every day is a learning experience with new materials or methods in construction. Keeping up with codes, materials, fluctuating labor and material cost is a job within itself. Anyone can be a contractor with the right mindset.