So, I've been on a diet for almost 2 months now. What I do, is the following:
At 12.00 I have a proteine shake. at 14.00 I eat three crackers with lean meat, like chicken filet or smoked bacon. Single, thin slices. At 16.00 another shake. At 18.00 A cup of soup. Just a 300ml coffee mug full of cup a soup. At 20.00 I eat one of these three meals: - A salad, consisting of tomato, cucumber, a pickle, some chickory, an apple, and some lettuce and some (about 80 grams of) chicken filet. - A stir fry of vegetables (usually brussel sprouts, carrots, green beans, or somethimes some cabbage or chickory) and 100 grams of lean beef sausage. - Twice a week this meal will be a chicken cordon blue with some white beans. The cordon blue is just a way of rewarding myself with a little extra senseless calories, to eat something I like. - During most days I will eat 200-300 grams of fruit in between, mostly grapes, apples, and tangerines. Sometimes a pommegranate.
On saturday evening, I will splurge a bit, give myself permission to break the diet, and that means: Drinking 1 cocktail and 2 bottles of cider. I will also eat some fruit and maybe 50-60 grams of lean meat like roastbeef as a snack.
I figure that with all this, I'm at 1200 calories a day, except for a little extra on saturday, which also should never get me over my 2500 maintenance level.
I'm a 1m98 man, 46 years old, currently at 118 kg I take 8-10 km walks 3 times a week, but I don't exercise much, and I probably will not exercise either. It's just something I hate very much.
Another thing that might be important to know: I take 25 mg of quetiapine, an antidepressant, every day.
This diet has helped me a few years back, to lose 25 kg, whicdh I have put back on since then. In fact, it helped me to lose it fast. Now I started doing it again, and after losing 7 kg initially, I've been stuck at 118 for 4 weeks now. Why is that? What can I change to make it work again?

The WACOKWARE 1-Quart Saucepan with Lid is a versatile and well-made kitchen tool that is perfect for a variety of small cooking tasks. This saucepan is ideal for boiling water, heating milk, simmering sauces, and even cooking single servings of pasta or instant noodles.
Customers appreciate the small, one-quart size of the WACOKWARE 1-Quart Saucepan with Lid, which makes it easy to maneuver on the stovetop and store in your cabinets. Because of its compact size, it is also very easy to clean.
One reviewer highlights that this saucepan is made from high-quality 18/10 stainless steel with a tri-ply capsule bottom. This material is known for its durability, even heating, and resistance to rust and corrosion. Another reviewer notes that they were pleasantly surprised by the quality, especially for the price point.
Overall, the WACOKWARE 1-Quart Saucepan with Lid is a great option for anyone looking for a small, versatile, and well-made saucepan for their kitchen. Whether you are heating up a cup of milk or simmering a delicate sauce, this saucepan will get the job done.
https://pansreviews.com/wacokware-1-quart-saucepan-with-lid/

So ive had tinnitus for over 3 years now but around a year and a half ago it basically disappeared and i habituated. currently i am studying for my finals so its very stressful but yesterday i had a cup of coffee in the morning and it was fine but at lunch (i had hotdogs i think it might be related because i opened my jaw alot??) suddenly my left ear feels 50% deaf. i tried to pop ot like what i would do in an airplane but it didnt work. its been like 24 hrs at this point and my ear feels blocked and i have slight ringing . it sucks since its in one ear i cant really tell direction of sounds anymore????
has anyone dealt with this before?

When considering coffee as a potential aid in weight loss, there's evidence suggesting its efficacy. Coffee, containing caffeine, a common ingredient in many fat-burning supplements, is recognized for its ability to boost metabolism. Additionally, coffee contains stimulants like Theobromine, found in cocoa, and Theophylline, along with chlorogenic acid, which may impede carb absorption.
However, it's important to note that while caffeine can stimulate the nervous system and prompt fat cell breakdown, this process alone doesn't lead to weight loss unless accompanied by calorie expenditure through diet or exercise.
Contrary to popular belief, the combination of lemon and coffee as a miraculous weight loss solution isn't supported. Healthline articles debunking this trend emphasize that neither lemon nor coffee possess magical fat-melting properties. Sustainable weight loss requires a balanced approach of consuming fewer calories and increasing physical activity.
While some studies suggest coffee may contribute to modest weight reduction, extravagant claims regarding its transformative abilities are unfounded and unattainable.

7-Second Coffee Loophole Recipe: What’s the Science Behind It?

The 7-second coffee loophole diet has gained significant attention as a method for weight loss, involving the combination of coffee with various ingredients. While the internet is flooded with different versions of this recipe, typically incorporating coffee, lemon, honey, cayenne pepper, and cinnamon, it has also been used to promote coffee-based supplements promising weight loss benefits.
The core concept revolves around consuming black coffee, often with additional ingredients, within a very precise timeframe, ideally within seven seconds of experiencing hunger pangs.
Proponents of this method, including advocates and influencers, make bold assertions about its effectiveness. They claim that rapid consumption of coffee tricks the body into feeling full, thus temporarily suppressing appetite. However, there's a lack of substantial scientific evidence to support these claims.
The theory behind the 7-second loophole stems from the interaction between caffeine and hunger hormones. According to supporters, drinking black coffee stimulates the release of hormones like adrenaline and dopamine, which may momentarily curb appetite. The strategy behind the 7-second loophole is to strategically time coffee intake to diminish hunger and the desire to snack.
Despite its widespread popularity, it's essential to approach weight loss trends with caution. Substitutes, tricks, and hacks should complement, not replace, a balanced diet and healthy eating habits.

Ingredients in the Coffee Loophole Recipe for Belly Fat

Exploring the foundational elements of the Coffee Loophole Recipe unveils the essence of its unique composition. Each component contributes significantly to the creation of not just a beverage, but a sensory journey. Here's a breakdown of the key ingredients that define this blend:

• Specialty Coffee Beans: These beans are celebrated for their distinctively rich flavor profile and elevated quality, setting the stage for a truly exceptional brew.
• Chicory Root: Infusing a delightful woody and nutty undertone, chicory root not only adds depth to the flavor but also possesses digestive benefits, ensuring a well-rounded experience.
• Lion’s Mane Mushroom: Recognized as a potent adaptogen, Lion’s Mane Mushroom brings cognitive support and heightened focus to the table, enhancing both the taste and the functional aspect of the beverage.
• MCT Oil: Serving as a rapid source of energy, MCT oil not only lends a creamy texture but also aids in boosting metabolism, amplifying the beverage's vitality.
• Cinnamon: Introducing a subtle warmth to the blend, cinnamon contributes not only to its flavor but also assists in regulating blood sugar levels, adding a nuanced dimension to the experience.
• A Pinch of Sea Salt: Elevating the overall flavor profile, sea salt imparts essential minerals while harmonizing the taste, ensuring a well-balanced and satisfying cup.

Together, these carefully curated ingredients converge to create a beverage that transcends mere refreshment, offering an immersive sensory experience that invigorates both the body and the mind.

How Does the Coffee Loophole Work?

Unravel the secrets behind the Coffee Loophole, a dynamic blend that taps into the potent bioactive compounds found in coffee, including caffeine, chlorogenic acid, and diterpenes. Here's how it works:
Turbocharge Your Metabolism:
Harnessing the synergy between caffeine and MCT oil ignites your metabolism, allowing your body to incinerate calories with increased efficiency.
Master Your Appetite:
Experience the satisfaction of satiety as MCT oil and protein team up to curb cravings, empowering you to take control of your appetite and avoid unnecessary snacking.
Balance Your Blood Sugar:
Welcome the stabilizing influence of cinnamon, supporting steady energy levels throughout the day by helping to regulate blood sugar.
Elevate Your Performance:
Fuel your endeavors with a sustained surge of energy, courtesy of caffeine and MCT oil, whether you're gearing up for a workout or tackling the day ahead.
Ignite Fat Loss:
Watch as stored fat meets its match with the dynamic duo of MCT oil and caffeine-induced thermogenesis, accelerating your journey towards weight loss.

Advantages of the Coffee Loophole Diet

Embracing the Coffee Tweak to Lose Weight can offer several noteworthy benefits:

• Weight Management: This diet can aid in weight loss by enhancing metabolism, curbing appetite, and reducing inflammation.
• Enhanced Blood Sugar Regulation: Regular coffee consumption has been linked to improved insulin sensitivity and lower blood sugar levels, benefiting those with type 2 diabetes or prediabetes.
• Lower Risk of Chronic Illnesses: The antioxidants in coffee contribute to protecting against chronic diseases like heart disease, stroke, and certain cancers.
• Increased Energy and Focus: As a natural stimulant, caffeine can elevate alertness, improve concentration, and boost overall energy levels.

Potential Drawbacks of the Coffee Loophole

Though the coffee loophole recipe has some promising benefits according to research, it is important to consider its potential downsides:

• Digestive Issues: High consumption of MCT oil may lead to digestive discomfort for some individuals.
• Cholesterol Concerns: Large amounts of saturated fats can increase cholesterol levels.
• Nutrient Deficiencies: Relying on the coffee loophole might result in missing out on valuable nutrients found in whole foods, such as antioxidants and phytochemicals.
• Caloric Excess: Lack of portion control can lead to consuming too many calories.
• Nutritional Imbalance: Using this method as a substitute for balanced meals might lead to inadequate nutrition.
• Medication Interactions: It could negatively interact with certain medications and health conditions.

As with any dietary change, it is advisable to consult your doctor before trying the coffee loophole, especially if you have existing health concerns. Always pay attention to how your body responds.

Step-by-Step Coffee Brewing Procedure

Now that all your ingredients are prepared, let’s delve into the brewing process! This stage is uncomplicated, direct, and bound to transform your morning ritual:

• Commence by preparing your coffee: The stronger, the more potent, as it forms the sturdy base of this blend.
• Introduce unsalted butter: Opt for grass-fed butter for its premium fats.
• Incorporate MCT or coconut oil: Utilize only a tablespoon to achieve the desired energy lift.
• Blend until smooth: Merge all the components in a blender until a creamy, frothy layer forms on top.

What Does the Coffee Loophole Taste Like?

The taste of the Coffee Loophole brew stays true to what you know. It maintains the richness of coffee flavor, its full-bodied nature, and the aromatic undertones. Sugar or cream aren't necessary additions, as they could counteract the metabolic advantages we aim for. Once you acquire a taste for black coffee, it seamlessly fits into your daily routine, becoming a satisfying ritual.

Maximizing Weight Loss Potential with Coffee

Unlock the full potential of coffee for weight loss with these expert tips:

• Moderate Your Intake: While coffee can boost weight loss efforts, excessive consumption may backfire. Keep your daily coffee intake in check, ideally limiting it to 3–4 cups to prevent any adverse effects.
• Embrace Dark Roasts: Opt for dark roast coffee varieties to harness higher levels of chlorogenic acid, a compound linked to enhanced weight loss benefits compared to lighter roasts.
• Ditch the Sugar: Resist the temptation to sweeten your coffee with added sugars, as they can counteract its weight loss properties. Instead, reach for natural alternatives like honey or stevia to satisfy your sweet tooth without derailing your progress.
• Holistic Approach: Remember, coffee alone isn't a miracle solution for shedding pounds. Pair your coffee routine with a wholesome lifestyle that includes balanced nutrition, regular physical activity, and sufficient rest. This holistic approach ensures sustainable, long-lasting weight loss results that go beyond just your morning brew.

The Coffee Loophole: Worth a Try?

Indulging in coffee blended with butter, oils, and spices has surged in popularity, with claims suggesting it aids in shedding pounds. However, the evidence supporting these assertions remains uncertain.
While it might slightly curb appetite, this concoction alone is unlikely to result in significant weight loss for the majority of individuals.
Nevertheless, incorporating it into a balanced lifestyle can be beneficial. Just manage your expectations and understand that no single solution can replace the importance of proper nutrition and regular exercise.
In summary, we acknowledge the potential benefits of the coffee loophole, but it's not a magical solution for weight loss. Enjoy it if you like it and if it complements your routine!

Disclaimers

Please note that relying solely on the coffee loophole is not a guaranteed method for losing weight. Individual outcomes may differ, and it's advisable to adopt a balanced lifestyle that includes healthy eating habits, consistent physical activity, and adequate rest. Prioritizing long-term sustainability is more important than seeking immediate solutions.

FAQs about Loophole Coffee

What sets Loophole Coffee apart from regular coffee?
Loophole Coffee is not your typical coffee—it's crafted with a unique recipe that reveals hidden flavors and aromas absent in standard coffee.
Where can I purchase Loophole Coffee?
Loophole Coffee is available at select coffee shops and through online retailers. Keep an eye out for this enchanting brew!
Can Loophole Coffee be made at home?
Although the precise recipe is a well-kept secret, you can experiment with various brewing methods to create your own version of Loophole Coffee at home.
Is Loophole Coffee more costly than regular coffee?
Due to its special ingredients and brewing process, Loophole Coffee might be a bit more expensive than ordinary coffee. However, it’s worth every penny!
Does Loophole Coffee include any artificial flavors or additives?
Absolutely not! Loophole Coffee is made from only the highest quality ingredients and contains no artificial flavors or additives. It’s pure magic in a cup!

Final Thoughts

The allure of miracle weight loss products persists, fueled by unsubstantiated claims from supplement manufacturers and their social media endorsers. However, scientific evidence remains elusive. While some ingredients show potential for aiding weight loss, there's no magic formula for shedding pounds rapidly without embracing a balanced diet and regular exercise.
Rather than pursuing rapid weight loss, the focus should be on achieving sustainable, long-lasting results through healthy lifestyle changes. To embark on this journey effectively, it's crucial to seek guidance from healthcare professionals such as your doctor and a registered dietitian. They can craft a personalized weight loss plan tailored to your unique needs and preferences, setting you on the path towards lasting success.

You've finished all 5 LNs, and want more, well this thread has you covered. This will go over what you can read next.

Official Stuff

• Turn Around and Face Me

Well, you've read the LNs, why not read Turn Around and Face Me, the sequel series, set years after the original? May and Aleah Francois are now teenagers, going to an All-Girls Academy. This series is more lighthearted, and won't have any earth-shattering consequences to it. It's just two dumb teenagers in love with people who aren't interested in them. TAFM is still ongoing, and we should be getting chapter 3 fairly soon.

• I'm in Love With the Villainess manga.

Same story from the LNs, with a lot more detail. Aono Shimo's art takes what is already a great light novel series, and brings it to life in greater detail. There is a lot added on here, helping to make this a wonderful experience. It's currently in the Investigation arc, and runs monthly in Yuri Hime.

• Inori's Skeb Stories.

These are commissioned works she's done, and their canoncity is essentially TBD. Only a handful are translated here, I'm unsure as to where the rest are.

• Manwha....sorta?

Look, I'll be real here, there's no legal way to read it in english, nor any illegal ways. If you're Korean, or read Korean, it's here.

Fanfiction

It's the lifeblood of this community, and there are so many talented writers to share. This one will be broken down into a few different categories, to help direct people towards something they might love.

Alternate Universes.

• Before the Morning Rush, AKA Coffee Loop.

Rae Taylor is a coffee shop barista, who has a crush on a regular customer, named Claire Francois. It's your typical Coffee Shop AU, that was one of the first big fics in the community, and continues to influence AU works. The sequel "A Quiet Cup of Cheer" is very good, and I highly recommend.

• Even in the Next One

"Claire Francois awakens to find herself in Japan, where Rae once lived out her past life. It’s not hard to find her wife once more, and given a second life surely it will be easy to live that one out with Rae once again and help Rae as she had helped her in Bauer. It’s hardly as if Rae will need convincing, right?
Rei Oohashi has had a crush on the icy Francois-san ever since university classes started, she is just so pretty. One would not have expected those feelings to be returned nor to have Francois-san claim they were wives in a previous life. And does Francois-san have no memories from this life either… oh no."
Essentially it's a reverse isekai, with Claire being a fish out of water. And it's full of Persona and Dungeon Meshi references. This has a NSFW companion piece from the lovely brooklynapple, which I will not link here.

• I Fragged the Villainess "American high school student Claire Francois has always risen to the occasion in her every endeavor. Now, however, she's facing perhaps her greatest challenge yet -- a first-person shooter game??? Determined to succeed, she logs in every night only to be thwarted again and again by another player with a rather peculiar gamertag. How will she react when she learns that her mysterious rival is actually another student from her school?"

The same writer also did an ESO Crossover, which I recommend reading!

• "The Queen's New Life"

"Rei "Quinn" Oohashi has a decently normal life. A job she excels at, a bothersome sister, a hobby she is undefeatable at. Things start to change when a blonde-haired fashion designer enters her life."
The story isn't very far along, but the writer is definitely having fun with this one.

• Villainess Calling

"Two trans women with very different backgrounds, and personalities. Claire Francois, is the epitome of elegance and grace, her father a wealthy politician. Beneath the facade of elegance however, lies a painful past, that she fears coming to haunt her. The Violin becoming her means of escaping her world, if only for a moment.
Rae Taylor, is a Punk Rock Bassist, who found solace in the raw energy of punk, channeling her anger and frustration into the pounding rhythms of her bass guitar. Running from her past, she attempts to make a fresh start somewhere much different. Despite the lonely pain she feels, she pushes past it, in an attempt to pretend she's someone she's not: Someone confident, and able to hide the pain from everyone around her.
A chance meeting intertwines their paths, forcing them to confront their painful pasts, and embrace their true selves. Through their shared love of music, a bond is formed, that may just help them both find happiness."
Fully admit, this is a shameless self-promotion. The first few chapters are rough, but if you enjoy punk music, or just want to see what it would be like if Rae and Claire, were trans? You'll enjoy this! This also has a NSFW companion piece which I will not link.

• Steam Punk Loop "We enter an era where technology is advancing. Not many of the common folks are capable of magic. Machines are developed to make their lives easier. The discovery of Steam Power has greatly advanced the lives of the Lower Class, at the displeasure of the Aristocrats. Magic, however, is still regarded as a higher power which most Aristocrats still wield and follow traditions. As technology grows, magic starts to fade as a higher power for the Lower Classes and questions arise, why are they bowing to Aristocrats' Magic when Steam is far greater now? Tensions grow, unrest spreads, how will the growing chaos be stopped?

Rae Taylor is the daughter of the General Store owners who sell all kinds of items and are part of the middle class.
Claire Francois is the daughter of one of the most powerful and influential Aristocrats who has control on most of the trades in the metropolis.
How can two hearts from two worlds meet at a time of uncertainty?"
Easily one of the most creative AU series, it's a fun one!

• From Enemies to Lovers.

"Rae Taylor works for the Lilium Mafia House-one of their best agents, never failed a mission. She is send to the Francois House to act as a spy and eventually eliminate their sole daughter-Claire Francois. However, little did she expect that this mission would not be as easy as she deemed."
Mafia Gays? Say no more, I'm in.

• Half-Outlaw, Half-Villainess

"Four years after the Black Mesa Incident, a gang of Outlaws including former Bureaucrat Orla Maguire and her Physicist Step-Brother, Gustavo Freeman are decimated following a disastrous heist in Panama, scattering them to the wind, and sending Orla adrift to another world, with a blonde noble girl glaring down at her.
Claire Francois must now teach this upstart commoner, who appears to go by Rae Taylor, the proper ways to act in the Kingdom of Bauer, while attempting to truly decipher who she is, why she does what she does, and why she keeps talking about 'Home' as if it were some far away place. Rae, formerly Orla Maguire, must hold out and come up with a plan in the scheming shadows of Bauer if she wants any chance of seeing her old world and family again, all while continuing to work for Claire, and realizing they have a much deeper connection than she initially thought.
Meanwhile in Panama, Dr. Gustavo Freeman is surprised by the arrival of another Noblewoman, facing evidence of string theory, and the ever encroaching threat of the so-called 'Combine' Empire that is now aware of Earth's existence. Time will tell, the currents are swirling... can Outlaws and Nobles truly find redemption?"
Half-Life meets ILTV, in an unexpected crossover!

Canon Divergent

These fics cover stories set within the main universe, but diverge from canon in some way.

• In Search of Spring.

"Claire François is madly in love—and that's a problem.
All the things she once valued now stand in her way. The nobility could never accept her loving a commoner. The church could never accept her loving a woman. Her father would be so disappointed in her. None of that matters to her anymore, not as much as creating a future for herself and Rae Taylor. To do that, they'll first have to survive the coming revolution, and to survive, they'll have to change.
But, maybe, even with the entire world is standing against her and her love, if they can change themselves they'll have a chance to change the world. So that's what they'll have to do—whatever it takes."
It's the top rated Wataoshi fic, and for a reason. It's extremely well written, and there is so much care put into this series.

• A Cleaved Soul

"In which Rae's Soul isn't simply a copy of the Demon Queen's Soul Data, but merely one half of the whole."
This has spoilers for LN5, so I recommend avoiding it, if you're reading this and have yet to complete LN5. In addition, the other has written "Memories of Another World" and "I'm in Love With my Best Friend"

• ILTV- Withering Begonia: Maybe in another life

"An exploration of Rei Oohashi's lives with Claire Francois. Major LN5 spoilers.
“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.” -Anias Nin"

• Head Over Heels

"Claire is accidentally hit with a love spell during magic class and suddenly can't keep her hands off of Rae. Rae doesn't know what to do now that Claire is giving her a taste of her own medicine. How will our heroine overcome this daunting challenge?"
Brooklynapple has also written "a day worth celebrating" a cute Claire birthday piece, and "what we deserve"

• Please Don't Leave Me

"Rae's Duel with Manaria goes wrong
She wakes up back in her old life in Japan
Claire is left alone"
From the author of Eitno, we have a tearjerker, that is excellent.

• Perfectly Flawed

"A collection of short stories concerning Manaria Sousse from "I'm in Love With the Villainess." I recommend reading this after at least reading Volume 2, or after reading the whole story."

• Right Person, Different Status

"Rei wakes up in Revolution like in the original but.... She's royalty?"

• Manaria Murder Mystery

"After becoming Queen, Manaria tasks have piled up. However, something sinister has happened. Someone from her family has been murdered! She has to recruit her friends to help her solve the mystery."

• Black Lilies

" As the dust settles, and the world begins to heal, the once mighty Demon Queen, Rei Oohashi has been defeated. But her story does not end with her defeat, it is only just beginning. Rei has been offered a second chance, a chance to repent for her actions as the Demon Queen. Despite her inability to forgive herself, despite her lingering scars, one person sees through them all: Lilly Lilium.
A girl who despite her own scars, from her time as her father's assassin, wishes for nothing more than to help Rei to heal, even if she's incapable of doing so herself. Together they begin a journey spanning the Kingdom of Bauer, and beyond, whilst battling their own inner turmoil."
Again, shameless self-promotion.

• Lilly Lilium Is Not A Princess!

"After deciding to take another pilgrimage, Lilly finds herself in Melica, where a certain chestnut-haired woman waits."
A fic dedicated to an underrated pairing. It's cute, check it out
I realize I am missing quite a few fics, but it's almost 2AM and I'm tired. Is there a fic you enjoy that should be on the list? Comment and I'll add it! Writing your own and need tips? Comment!

[Tldr: I just found an unexpected egg sac in a cup and don't know what to do with it now]
I was using a cup to relocate a medium(?) sized spider I caught in my room the other day. Apologies but I don’t have a photo of it at this time, I cannot say what species she is unfortunately. If that ends up mattering a lot then I will do my best to get the photo and we can go from there. It was right above my bed so I did what I always do and trapped it in a cup with a makeshift cover on it and wound up procrastinating taking her outside until just a few minutes ago. Well I took the paper lid off the cup to release her outside, had already verified she was sitting on the bottom of the cup. I looked inside and at the top of the cup on some webbing there’s a big old egg sac 😳 I had no idea she was gravid, or even female 🤦‍♀️
I immediately covered it up again and now I have no idea what to do with her as I don't want to disturb her eggs or separate her from them, although she is seemingly not even trying to be with them from what I can tell, but idk if she will or if she even would do that normally. I really would love to not be her brooding shelter but I have no desire to do anything that might endanger the babies, even though I'd love if they'd hatch far away from my apartment... Any advice is appreciated. I'm still sitting outside with the cup covered up at a loss of what to do next.. 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️😩

If you're on the apps—whether you're looking for marriage, looking for a hookup or you're just looking for a nice night out on the town—one thing is for sure: You have seconds to make a first impression that keeps someone from swiping left. What's the key? Knowing how to make your Tinder bios stand out among the rest.
If you're wondering: "What is a good bio for Tinder? How do I spice up my Tinder bio?" then you've come to the right place. Marissa Moore, a counselor and couples therapist with years of experience, gave us all her recommendations for making your bio the best of them all (plus 40 ideas for the best Tinder bios, below!)
What to Put In a Tinder Bio
So, you've opened up the "edit" section on your Tinder bio (or Hinge bio or even Bumble bio, too) and you're staring blankly at your phone. How are you supposed to know how to write a Tinder bio that will stop someone in their tracks?
How Dating Apps Are Changing Our Psychology
The secret, Moore says, is deciding between a few different formulas, and sticking to one. Remember: This doesn't have to be super complicated. It's actually supposed to be fun! To get started, use these are a guide on what to put in Tinder bio:
Everyone loves a perfectly-timed one-liner, right? Write something that captures your personality or sense of humor.
Want to keep it straight forward? Go the old-fashioned route and write a brief description of yourself, highlighting your interests, hobbies or passions.
You're funny, so maybe use this time to show it off. Using a joke or witty remark can be a great way to give someone a sense of your personality, too.
Lastly, if you're a romantic at heart or suave in your own right, try using a creative and flirty pick up line that stands out (but avoid anything overly cheesy or inappropriate.)
How to Write a Tinder Bio
Now that you've got a road map for how to make a good Tinder bio—i.e. you've chosen a one-liner, keeping it straight forward, leaning on your humor or a pick up line—what is the best way to approach actually writing it all out?
Whether you're looking to write clever Tinder bios, Tinder bios for guys or just wanting to make your dating app bio shine with your personality, Moore has a few tried-and-true tricks up her sleeve to stand out.
Be Authentic
It might be tempting to want to make yourself look "better" than you are IRL, but this is never a good idea, and your dates will learn the truth eventually. That's why Moore suggests the biggest piece of advice: to be authentic.
Good Morning Texts For Her
Wake Her With A Smile With These 82 Good Morning Texts
Let her know that she's always the first thing on your mind.
Woman looks at her phone while smiling.
Funny, punny and non-corny inpsiration, right this way.
"Showcase your genuine personality and interests," Moore says. "Rather than trying to portray yourself as someone you're not."
Keep it Concise
Next up? Make sure to keep your Tinder bios as concise as possible. Remember: you've got seconds to impress the person on the other end — let's make sure you get a swipe right.
"Aim for a bio that is clear, concise and easy to read," she says. "Avoid overwhelming potential matches with too much information."
Show, Don't Tell
Another tip? Show, don't tell. According to Moore, Instead of listing qualities about yourself, you might consider sharing anecdotes or stories that illustrate who you are and what you enjoy. This can sometimes be more intriguing.
Highlight Your Unique Traits
What makes you unique is a good thing! Use it to your advantage. By focusing on what makes you stand out from the crowd, and what you can offer in a relationship, you may find someone who already loves your quirks and differences, right off the bat.
Funny Tinder Bios
Do you consider yourself a comic? If so, you might have chosen going with the funny Tinder bios route. If so, here are some ideas to use, below.
I'm not a photographer, but I can picture us together.
Looking for someone who can keep up with my pun game.
Swipe right if you're ready for cheesy pick up lines and spontaneous dance parties.
Looking for a wingwoman to hunt down the best tacos in town on a random Tuesday afternoon.
Seeking someone who will support my travel addiction and my obsession for squeezing everything into a carry on bag.
If you date me, you'll be the good looking one.
Looking for someone to appreciate my puns and share pizza with. If you can't handle my cheesy jokes, you're not the one for me. Let's see if we can find the perfect slice together!
You're single, I'm single. You know what that means? Nobody wants us.
Life's too short for boring conversations and dull dates! Let's do both.
I'm really bad at putting together IKEA furniture—looking for a cute helper 😉
Clever Tinder Bios
Maybe a clever bio is more your speed. If so, there are plenty of ideas for Tinder bio that fall under clever and smart, too.
Currently accepting applications for a partner in crime and fellow Netflix binge-watcher.
Like a 'Fun-Size' Snickers bar, they say good things come in small packages.
If life is a game, consider me your cheat code. Swipe right and let's unlock some bonus levels together.
I'm like a Rubik's Cube—complex, colorful and slightly frustrating at times. But once you figure me out, you'll realize I'm worth the challenge.
If you can guess my favorite pizza topping, you win bonus points.
Seeking someone who can match my level of sarcasm and appreciation for dry humor.
Looking for someone who can handle my impeccable taste in music, questionable cooking skills and my uncanny ability to always find the best meme for every situation.
Outdoor enthusiast and indoor Netflix champion.
Professional overthinker seeking someone who analyzes texts as much as I do. Showcases self-awareness and a touch of vulnerability.
Chapter 23 - Looking for someone to co-author the next chapters. Indicates a life seen as an unfolding story, inviting collaboration.
Cute Tinder Bios
If being cutesy is more your thing, look no further: using cute Tinder bios has been proven to work again and again. Being and feeling cute can be a confidence boost when dating — here are some of our fave examples.
Lover of sunsets, dog walks and spontaneous adventures. Let's create our own love story.
Looking for someone to share lazy Sunday mornings and late-night conversations with.
Searching for my partner-in-crime to explore the city, try new foods and cuddle up with on rainy days.
Puppy enthusiast. Ice cream connoisseur. A seeker of great coffee dates.
Might steal your heart, will steal your fries.
Just a Jim looking for his Pam. Bonus points if you give great bear hugs!
A believer in fairy tales, serendipity and the magic of a good cup of coffee.
Looking for someone who's all about making everyday moments a little bit extraordinary.
Cuddling champion searching for a worthy competitor. Must be fond of star-gazing and midnight snacks.
Looking for someone to share in my adventure of finding the best tacos in town.
Simple Tinder Bios
If being cute, funny or clever doesn't speak to you, it's OK to stick to simple, too! Here are some ideas to try on for size.
Looking for a real connection, not just a one-time thing.
Just trying to find my other half.
Drinks?
Come say hello.
____ born & raised.
Looking for more laugh lines.
Traveling and exploring. Want to join?
Let's see how this goes.
Looking for an adventure partner.
If I am not home, you can find me ____.

I have a feint memory of reading a Hardy Boys book in the 90s where early on, I will describe with an early-chapter spoiler below:
>! Early on, someone drinks a cup of coffee and "you've just been poisoned" was written in the bottom of the cup. It may have been their father? I can't recall!<
Can anyone tell me what book this was? Thank you.

Me f40 was letting my daughter f17 use my back up car to get to work. She totaled the car and said she spaced out, I found out she was drinking that night and texting when it happened. She said, I'm sorry you can have the $500 I have saved(already in my possession). The car is worth around 1500, but I had about 4,000 into it. I had liabity so got 0 from it. 2 weeks ago I bought her a brand new dell computer for college and did a $400 repair on the car. I do gig work full time so a 2nd car is my job security. The very next day she wanted to go stay the night with her bf, I was very addimant that she wasn't allowed to go but she left anyway. Came home in the morning demanded her money back, starting throwing everything around my room litteraly, looking for it because I said no. she threw a bowl of suger and my cup of coffee so the kitchen was a huge mess. Her other 2 siblings got involved and the cops were called after she started hitting me, when the cops came she was still trying to throw stuff at me and when they tried to restrain her she ended up being charged with assaulting an officer and interfering with official acts. She hasn't found a place to live to attend college when I move and now has to start over saving for a car. She also hasn't made arrangements to get to school so I took the computer. I also took back one of my phones she was using because she completely shattered her iphone im still paying for, it wont even come on. As if that wasn't enough I sent her bf 24m a text telling him all truths she's been lying about, including cheating and where she was at the night she wrecked my car. She also said i stole her money and thats what lead to the argument when she got arrested. He's caught her before and I insist she tells him the truth and she always says she did. They are still together and she is at his house as long as he's home, he lives alone and after almost a year she can't live there, meet his family or even be at his house when he's not home. He never helps her with anything money wise and takes money from her when he makes significantly more, a nice savings and several credit cards. I don't want her with him obviously, but she defies me everytime I say she can't go over. When we have family day and go out to swim or fish , she doesn't join if hes not working. Her siblings are hurt by it as well as me and she doesn't care how we feel. She makes plans with us and leaves in the middle. I'm really not talking to her and if she asks for anything I tell her to ask her bf. I do not feel bad about her 500, she makes over 400 a week and has been consistently for 3 months now after taking 2 weeks off and starting a new job. I buy everything for the house including toiletries and food. All she has to pay is 50 a week rent and was putting gas in the car

I went to Dunkin to get 4 simple hot coffees. First, the guy took forever to answer the drive thru intercom thing, ok exaggerating like 5-6 min. Person behind me left. Only reason I stayed was because I pre ordered and paid my stuff…yeah I could’ve gotten down but sometimes the store door is closed and I would’ve lost my spot. Second, guy takes another 8-10 min to hand me my stuff but here comes the INFP part, worker didn’t insert a coffee well into the cup holder and didn’t close that one specifically all the way down either so when he handed the cups to me that one fell on my arm and to top it off he was on his phone on a call and sounded annoyed when he said “hold on” to the person he was talking to LOL. Of course that burned like H E L L but luckily I had my sweater on so that layer protected me from SOME heat but it still burned soo much. All I did was softly squirm, deep down I wanted to cry but I held it. And the worker was like with the most poker face I’ve ever seen “are you ok” I said yeah and he QUICKLY remade that coffee. After that incident I haven’t gone back to that Dunkin location lol. I just cannot go full Karen on someone. And the bad thing is that that location was my almost daily evening Dunkin run so everyone knows me and I am scared they would tamper with my stuff if I left a bad review or complained lol. So I just go to the Dunkin that’s like 3 more minutes down the road 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think “my simple pleasure” is the best prompt. If used right it’s a good way to say things you like. For example mine was- thrift stores, new tattoos, Philly sports and R&B. Really depends how you write it
As a woman, I’d advise men not to use “I won’t shut up about,” as a prompt.
Woman constantly complain about men dominating verbal conversations. Saying you “won’t shut up about…” just reinforces that you might be one of those guys.
I think if you actually have a good travel story, that prompt can work. That is to say, I think that the "tiers" really fluctuate a lot from person to person, and your qualifiers ("this works if you're funny") are kind of proof of that.
For example, I have two pretty good stories about coming face to face with sharks, and one less good story about coming face to face with a shark. I think that the shark thing is just crazy enough that it intrigues most people. But you have to have a genuinely good story for it to work.
Also, someone else said they need to get rid of prompts - I disagree. It's really annoying if you try a new prompt and then can't go back to your old one.
I think “my idea of a good Sunday” is a great prompt bc if guys include it and they say “church,” I’m 95% more likely to like them.
THERE'S AN ART to curating your Hinge profile. If you're looking for quality matches, don't be the guy with a barren profile who sends a mildly-enthused "hey, how's it going" to every potential partner. Hinge offers a feature called prompts: conversation starters that let you show yourself off and spark more substantive conversations—and you should use them to your advantage.
Choosing the right Hinge prompts—and writing good answers those prompts—will help you scan the many fish in the sea to find those most suited for you. It might sound like a daunting task to craft the perfect profile, but at least you're an expert in the subject matter: you.
Best Practices for Crafting Your Hinge Prompts
Having an air of mystery may seem hot in movies, but it's just a waste of time in real life—especially when it comes to dating apps, where determining what's real and what's not is so much more difficult than it is in person. "Being coy may seem like a safer way to interact on apps, but it doesn't yield fruitful results," Engle says. (No one's swiping right on a bio that says "I suck at writing bios.")
So nix those coy answers and get specific when you fill out your Hinge prompts. The more specific you get, the likelier you are to match with people that are similar to you. That means you'll really have to think about yourself and want you want.
Be specific when discussing what you're looking for, too. Vagueness won't help narrow your options. For example, don't just say you're looking for "someone with a lot of personality" (is anyone not looking for someone with a personality?); say you're looking for "someone with a lot of energy, and who enjoys being active and trying new things" (or whatever that personality looks like to you). Be honest, both with yourself and in your profile. Don't say you're "super into the gym" because you want someone with a six-pack, when in reality you haven't been to gym in six months and have no intention of starting again.
Add a variety of prompts to paint a full picture of yourself. If all of your prompts are jokes, that doesn't reveal a ton about you. But, if all your prompts are serious, you might come off as a little intense—and you won't be revealing much about your day-to-day life.
The 20 Best Hinge Prompts to Help You Get You a Response
Here are 20 Hinge prompts to get you off the apps and into real relationships.
I'll pick the topic if you start the conversation...
Starting a conversation isn't easy, and with this prompt, you're meeting them halfway. It creates less of a barrier to entry for the person doing the messaging. Pick a topic you're interested in or care about, and "be as specific as possible," Engle says.
What you can say:
The best bands to come out of the 90's.
The worst holiday traditions.
The best and worst concerts you've seen.
The last time I cried happy tears was...
"Consider the things that really make you YOU," Engle says. Mentioning things you care about "will allow you to engage with like-minded people who share similar likes and interests."
What you can say:
When they showed Jason Kelce ripping his shirt off at Travis's touchdown against the Bills.
At the closing scene of All of Us Strangers.
When I PR'ed my back squat (the boys didn't see).
The one thing I'd love to know about you is...
It's always nice to see someone on a dating app be interested in you, even if they haven't seen you yet. Put that energy out there with this prompt. People might feel more comfortable responding when it's something about them, since they know themselves the best. Find a topic that's important to you, and let your potential match take it from there.
What you can say:
What would you do for a living if money weren't a factor?
What's your go-to coffee shop order?
Were you a Nickelodeon or Disney kid?
Let's make sure we're on the same page about...
The great thing about this prompt is you can make your answer as lighthearted or as serious as you want. If you have something that's a deal-breaker for you (like wanting an open relationship), you can insert that here. It also works if you have something a little less serious that still plays a role in your life (like putting pineapple on pizza) and you want to get that out there.
What you can say:
Not wanting kids.
The ending of Game of Thrones.
The shape of Earth.
This year, I really want to...
This prompt is an excellent way to open up potential first date options, or show how you want to work on yourself in this upcoming year. Want to get more creative, more fit, or try something new? Maybe someone out there wants to do the same—and wants a partner to do it with.
What you can say:
Try a ceramics class.
Drink less.
Find the best burger in town.
I'm looking for...
If you already know what you're looking for, you may as well lay it all out there. That being said, don't nit-pick or be judgmental in your answer. Don't be too vague either, or you won't narrow down your options for people best suited to you.
What you can say:
Someone who will get along with my family.
Someone comfortable with being in an open relationship.
A good time, not a long time.
My simple pleasures...
You're probably looking for someone with similar interests as you (at least, we hope you are). "Prompts serve as conversation starters, so consider your interests, hobbies, and skills and lead with those," Engle says. Odds are someone shares them with you.
What you can say:
The smell of fresh cut grass.
When Debbie from marketing brings in banana bread.
Open sunroofs.
I go crazy for...
Another easy way into talking about the things you like—but make sure it's something you can carry conversation on. "Focus on answers that you can go into detail on," Engle says. "Talk about interests, hobbies, and goals outside of romantic relationships to give potential partners a full picture of the person you are."
What you can say:
Planning my next trip before the one I'm on has even ended.
Barry Keoghan. Obviously.
Reruns of Pimp My Ride.

You should leave a comment if...

This is another way to discuss what's important to you, with a call to action for the other person. You can pull in your hobbies, hopes for the future, or interests—the world is your oyster here. But remember: specifics, specifics, specifics (don't just put down "you like sports").

What you can say:

• You were hoping for a Ravens versus Bills Super Bowl.
• Your Spotify daylist often includes the term "mallgoth."
• You're on the dance floor all night at the club.

A shower thought I recently had...

Balance your prompts by throwing in a lighter option here and there. A shower thought is a great way to show off your humor and how your mind works. Get creative.

What you can say:

• Could really use a beer in here.
• Whose Line Is It Anyway needs a reboot.
• Is Punxsutawney Phil doing okay mentally?

Green flags I look for...

Get a little deeper into what you're looking for in your person by hinting at characteristics you want to see in someone. It's better to be open and honest about what you're looking for in a potential partner then have to do the dirty work of talking to a bunch of people only to find out you don't actually see a future with them.

What you can say:

• Funny conversation, but can get deep, too.
• Tipping 20 percent, always.
• Emotional support water bottles. Here for the hydration.

We're the same type of weird if...

Have some nuance interests that you want to get out there? Here's your chance.

What you can say:

• You're hitting up the Renaissance fair every time it comes to town.
• You're the person everyone wants on their trivia team.
• You enjoy 5Ks on Thanksgiving, too.

I hype myself up by...
Everyone gets nervous when it comes to online dating. Confidence is hot, but most of us aren't 100-percent confident all of the time, and that's okay. This shows you're nervous, too, but can hype yourself up when need be.

What you can say:

• Blaring some hard rap.
• Power posing.
• Hitting the gym.

I feel most supported when...

Dating app prompts aren't all about making the right joke or being overly funny. You'll want to layer in some real prompts, too, to show potential partners you can get deep. This prompt is a great way to do that without getting too vulnerable before you're ready. Plus, it reveals a little bit about what you want out of a relationship.

What you can say:

• My partner help around the house.
• There's healthy communication.
• My family and friends support my work.

A fun fact about me is...

An oldie but a goodie. To mix in a lighthearted prompt with some deeper ones, stick with what you know and toss in your go-to fun fact from freshman seminar in college. Don't over think the "fun" part—just pick something you think is unique about yourself!

What you can say:

• I've been cage diving with sharks.
• I speak four languages.
• I never lose in Mario Kart. Ever.

Teach me something about...

Want to learn something new and find a partner at the same time? This is also a great way to show an interest in potential partners by making your answer something related to them. Like we said, people are always more comfortable talking about themselves because it's the one thing they know everything about. People love talking about their passions... maybe someone out there has the same one as you. This is a great way to find out.

What you can say:

• The Roman Empire
• Your ick list
• What you want to see in a partner

I know the best spot in town for...

Hate the phase of online dating where you message back and forth forever and never actually get to a first date? Us, too. This prompt can help speed up that process by getting you out of the app, and meeting in person. Suggest something you'd want to do for a first date.
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What you can say:

• $5 happy hour Miller Lites.
• VPR watch parties.
• Live music.

First round is on me if...

Another prompt that gets you out of the app and right into the first date. Plus, you can pose a characteristic you really want to see in a partner: a win-win. PSA though: If it translates, you do actually have to pay for the first round.

What you can say:

• You love a Dadbod.
• You also cried when My Chemical Romance broke up.
• You're okay with my dog joining us.

My typical Sunday...

This gives a little snippet into your every day life. You're probably looking for someone who lives a similar lifestyle to you (if you're a "sleep until the afternoon every weekend" kind of guy, you're probably not looking for a "6 a.m. half marathon on a Saturday" kind of girl), and this is a great way to give them that insight.

What you can say:

• Rearranging all my furniture...again.
• Hitting the snooze button relentlessly.
• A walk with the dogs, football with the guys, and meal prep.

Give me travel tips for...

Have a trip coming up? Hit two birds with one stone: get some travel recommendations and start up a conversation with a potential special someone. It's an easy entry to talking, and you can quickly branch to "well, where else have you traveled to recently?" Even if you just put down your neighborhood—there's nothing like a little stay-cation.You should leave a comment if...
This is another way to discuss what's important to you, with a call to action for the other person. You can pull in your hobbies, hopes for the future, or interests—the world is your oyster here. But remember: specifics, specifics, specifics (don't just put down "you like sports").

What you can say:

• You were hoping for a Ravens versus Bills Super Bowl.
• Your Spotify daylist often includes the term "mallgoth."
• You're on the dance floor all night at the club.

A shower thought I recently had...

Balance your prompts by throwing in a lighter option here and there. A shower thought is a great way to show off your humor and how your mind works. Get creative.

What you can say:

• Could really use a beer in here.
• Whose Line Is It Anyway needs a reboot.
• Is Punxsutawney Phil doing okay mentally?

Green flags I look for...

Get a little deeper into what you're looking for in your person by hinting at characteristics you want to see in someone. It's better to be open and honest about what you're looking for in a potential partner then have to do the dirty work of talking to a bunch of people only to find out you don't actually see a future with them.

What you can say:

• Funny conversation, but can get deep, too.
• Tipping 20 percent, always.
• Emotional support water bottles. Here for the hydration.

We're the same type of weird if...

Have some nuance interests that you want to get out there? Here's your chance.

What you can say:

• You're hitting up the Renaissance fair every time it comes to town.
• You're the person everyone wants on their trivia team.
• You enjoy 5Ks on Thanksgiving, too.

Logan the bounty hunter was in a really bad mood.
It all started when the coffee machine stopped working. This wasn’t a rare occurrence; in fact, it was the third time this cycle, but this time his go-to solution (taking out and reinserting the star powder battery) didn’t fix it, and he was all out of ideas.
It’s not that the caffeine even did anything for him. The nanomachines in his system filtered out many sorts of potentially addictive or harmful substances, and for some reason this included caffeine, which is a fact he only realized after the seven-cycle refund period had passed.
Still, it was an old habit and an act of comfort that he sorely felt the absence of.
That was the first thing. The second thing was that his tracker had stopped working. In fact, his entire connection to the galactic wide web (gww) had gone down. Without the tracker, he couldn’t pinpoint the exact location of his current bounty—a low-class deathworlder wanted for kidnapping and trafficking—which kind of made his whole bounty hunting business difficult to do.
Oh, and his ship had crashed.
Damn thing was overdue for maintenance, and the autopilot had started malfunctioning while flying over a small dusty-brown planet. It had taken some careful manual maneuvering and some buffeting about in the planet’s whirlwind atmosphere, but eventually he had managed the miracle of walking away from a smoking and unsalvageable wreckage with only minor cuts and bruises.
Here he was now, trudging through the sandy windswept dunes of a planet that hadn’t even showed up on the map. Armed with little more than a spacesuit, a blaster, and an undying will. And wishing he’d had that cup of coffee (and wasn’t immune to caffeine).
Logan raised a hand to his eyes, peering through the thick glass of his visor. There was so much dust and sand swirling around that it made it quite hard to see where he was going, not that there were any landmarks in sight anyway. It looked scorching hot outside, though his spacesuit registered a cool 286 Kelvin for some reason. Likely another malfunction, one that he’d rather not put to the test.
On a planet like this, he supposed, everyone (if anyone was even here) probably lived under the surface where it was probably cooler and probably free from sandstorms. All he had to do was find the entrance to their underground tunnels among all this shifting sand.
The chance of that happening was, unfortunately, not very high. Still, Logan wasn’t panicking yet; he’d been through worse, he thought. He’d been through jungles teeming with 8-foot beetles. Survived massive hiveminds circling to entrap him, faced slippery slimes that reformed their bodies to resemble those he held dearest. Horrible learning experiences, those.
That being said, sometimes it’s the mundane problems that pose the greatest threats of all. Starvation, aching thirst, and a dwindling oxygen supply while wandering a barren desert. It wouldn’t be a glamorous way to go out, and Logan was wracking his brain for ideas.
Now would’ve been a good time to use his rescue beacon, if he had one. This would be his, what, 127th bounty? And until now, he’d never had to use a beacon. Stopped carrying one a dozen bounties ago. Maybe it was just luck, but things had always gone pretty smoothly, and maybe he’d gotten a little overconfident.
Logan knelt down and grasped at the ground, watching the little grains of sand sift through his gloved fingers. Those little specks seemed to shimmer and flicker, like a low quality hologram call. Otherwise, though, they seemed normal; surprisingly similar to the sand he remembered from Earth. It made sense that some things remained the same throughout the universe; it’s not like every planet could re-invent the periodic table, after all. Even aliens had to remain grounded in reality, however loosely.
He looked down. According to his suit’s display, he had a few hours of oxygen left. He’d been walking for a while now with nothing but the sands to show for it. He also had to pee. It was really going quite terribly.
“It looks like you’re doing quite terribly,” a voice said, velvety and welcoming. Logan jerked his head up, blinking rapidly in surprise.
Standing before him, with crossed arms and a smoldering look, was a lithe, dusky-furred humanoid. They—or she, judging by the feminine face—was wearing a long, thin shawl translucent enough to reveal a pair of twitching, swiveling ears and a questioningly arced tail, swaying in the wind.
The feline features were unmistakable. It was, by all accounts, a catgirl.
Mentally, Logan pumped his arm and jumped for joy. Just wait until the guys back at Earth heard about this! Many a novice pilot first set out for the stars with dreams of catgirls and other alien babes in mind, but thus far, most alien species had been decidedly strange and eerily-shaped, though this didn’t stop everyone from pursuing them. Outwardly, though, he nodded, and rasped, “I could use some help. Do you know about this thing called ‘oxygen’?”
The catgirl frowned. “Great way to say hi to a girl. But yes, you aren’t the first traveler to crash-land on Shaw Prime. Follow me.”
“Oh, great,” Logan said. How convenient. “Where to?”
“My people live underground, hidden from the elements within a complex system of—”
“Tunnels? I knew it.”
The catgirl turned around and whipped her tail against Logan’s leg. It kind of stung for a moment. “I don’t know what culture you come from, traveler, but in mine, it’s rude to interrupt someone while they’re speaking. Especially if they’re the host and you, the guest.”
Logan rubbed the back of his head (or tried to, but the spacesuit got in the way). “Sorry. Just got excited. Interrupting someone speaking is actually considered rude in my culture, too.”
“So you should’ve known better.” The catgirl harrumphed and started marching forward, waving her tail to signal him to follow. He shrugged and started trudging along behind her.
“So where am I, exactly? ‘Shoe Prime’ you said earlier, I think?”
“Shaw Prime,” she corrected. “A small sand planet on the outermost reaches of the nearest solar system. Quite uninhabitable for most, and all our visitors arrive unwillingly.”
“I see. It certainly feels inhospitable. And,” Logan said, jumping in place a couple times, “you’ve got decently strong gravity, though less than where I come from. You know, this feels like at least a minor deathworld to me.”
“The term ‘deathworld’ is new to me, but it does seem fitting enough.”
“Right. I’m guessing the Galactic Federation hasn’t gotten around to marking your planet yet. Actually, your planet didn’t even show up on my map; people might not even know that civilization exists here. Huh.” It would be the first time for Logan to discover a new species. He could report this back home, and hopefully get handsomely rewarded for it.
“The ‘Galactic Federation’? I haven’t heard that term before. What does it mean?”
“That’s the big alliance formed by all the space-faring species of the known universe. They’re basically responsible for everything, including first official contact with new species like yours.” Logan paused a moment. “Wait, you said I’m not the first traveler to land here, right? How have you not heard of the Galactic Federation before?”
The catgirl’s ears twitched, but she didn’t look back. “They must have neglected to mention it.”
“Weird. Surely someone must’ve mentioned it. The Federation’s got these rules for first contact, see, and—”
“We’re almost there.” The catgirl interrupted, glancing back at him with those smoky eyes. “The hidden entrance to the tunnels lies just ahead.”
Logan peered through his visor. Ahead of his guide’s slim figure, he saw nothing but more of the same brown hues. A sudden uneasiness prickled his skin. “Where? I don’t see anything.”
“If you could see it, it wouldn’t be very hidden, would it? Come on.”
She beckoned him forward, and a few paces later, stopped entirely. She crouched down and scrabbled at the sand a few times, revealing a circular wooden hatch buried under a thin layer of sand. It didn’t look that heavy, but she grunted and strained to lift it up with her paws, revealing a dark cavern down inside.
“In you go,” she said, pointing her tail at the hole.
Something about this didn’t sit right with Logan. Maybe it was the way her fur stood warily on end, the way her ears shivered every so often. Maybe it was the fact that his guide didn’t know about the Galactic Federation, yet seemed familiar enough with travelers to communicate with ease. Sure his universal translator helped, but that was only supposed to work with discovered species, not ones that had yet to be contacted and researched. Or maybe it was just that he didn’t like jumping into suspiciously dark holes in the ground.
There was also the fact that the temperature gauge in his suit was now measuring a chilly 270 Kelvin. A far cry from the heat suggested by the sun-baked sands he saw.
He had a guess where this was going, and he didn’t like it, not one bit.
“Say,” he said, conversationally. “I noticed your hologram flickering earlier. Think you need some maintenance.”
“What?” The catgirl said, raising a dusky eyebrow. “I don’t know what that is. Won’t you go inside?”
“I’m just saying. It’s a convincing show and all, promise, but once you’ve been in the biz long enough, you start noticing small details like flickering sand and mismatched temps.”
“Look at you. All the heat must’ve gone to your head.” She said, sidling up to him. There was a sudden yet subtle shift in her demeanor, so quick that he almost didn’t notice. Her eyes lowered, her tongue darted out to lick her nose, and she placed one foot in front of the other gracefully, retracing her own steps perfectly. She approached him, casually curling her tail around his leg, sending tingles up his spine.
“Poor, weary traveler. It must’ve been tough, sailing through space all on your own. Won’t you come inside and rest a while?” She purred, tugging him gently towards the open hatch. “Quickly, before the sand covers it again.”
He inched a hand towards the blaster hanging at his side, unmoved by the obvious act. “Does the word ‘gelatinous’ mean anything to you?”
Her eyes locked onto his hand, her tail going stiff behind her. “Not as such, no. Why don’t we discuss this inside? After you, of course.”
“Of course. I’ll be on my way, then.”
Logan said, shoving her away, leaping back, and unholstering his blaster, all in one practiced motion. She landed softly on all fours, hissed, then sprang at him, fast as lightning. He raised an arm to block, pulling up his blaster and aiming it at her center mass. At the same time, she skidded to an abrupt halt before him, half-crouching as one hand darted past his arm without a sound.
They both froze. Logan’s blaster trained on her torso, her claws nearly piercing his neck. It seemed they were at a deadlock.
Wait, Logan thought to himself. I have a spacesuit.
His fingers itched on the trigger, but in that same instant, he heard a small tearing sound as a single claw slipped through several layers of synthetic polymers, Kevlar, and silica fiber to rest itself pointedly against the actual skin of his neck. A small hissing sound indicated the oxygen leaking from the new hole in his suit.
“That’’s a sharp knife you’ve got.” He said, feeling his mouth drying up.
“It’s not a knife,” she said smugly, though her raised fur betrayed her wariness.
“Enough of these illusions, okay? I’ve seen through ‘em. We’re not in a desert, and you’re not a catgirl. I’ve met your kind before—shape-shifting, amorphous slimes, always taking the form of something I love. Usually it’s my late wife or a dear friend, but pretending to be a catgirl is taking it too far.” He sniffed.
She hmphed, and said, “You’re only half-right, outworlder.” She let out a trilling sound, and a moment later, the world flickered out of existence.
With the veil lifted, Logan could see the world for what it really was. Gone were the tan-brown desert and the shifting sands. In their place was a world of ash. White and grey specks drifted through a sunless sky, cold and desolate. Looking down, he saw that his feet were buried ankle-deep in the stuff. So the feeling of sand had been real, sort of. He wondered what it was made of.
Dreading what he would see, he raised his eyes once more, only to see the same catgirl shivering in her shawl before him.
“This is what I actually look like,” she said, pricking her claw against his neck. “Now how about dropping that gun and sticking your hands in the air?”
“So catgirls are real.” Logan wondered aloud, feeling hope swelling in his chest.
“I… guess?” She seemed uneasy about the way he looked at her. “So about that gun—"
“What is this place?” He asked, prodding his blaster against her stomach. “I’m pretty sure it looked like a desert world from outside. Don’t tell me you have some, some kind of planet-wide hologram going on. That would be… I don’t know, prohibitively expensive, and very concerning.”
“Yes,” she said, straight-faced. “The hologram covers the whole solar system, in fact. We are at the center of a powerful criminal empire spanning the galaxy. The white ash is made from cremating the corpses of all who have dared to oppose us, and soon you will join their ranks.”
“Woah, really?” Logan said, raising an eyebrow. They must deal in trafficking, then.
“No, I lied. Although, usually that gets a bigger reaction out of outworlders. Now come on, you can surrender now or wait until my backup gets here, and then it’ll get messy. You choose.”
“I think I’ll wait for more catgirls to show up, thanks.”
She hissed. “It’s your lucky day. Here they are now, actually.”
From behind mountains of ash, they plodded forwards. All varieties of colors, from dusky to snow-white to calico, but all sporting the same unmistakable ears and tails. Logan’s heart beat with excitement, until he noticed the strange metal tubes being pointed at him from all angles.
“Ah, am I correct in assuming that those are your planet’s version of blasters?”
The catgirl retracted her claw from his neck and nodded in confirmation. “They’ll blast a big hole right through you.” She stretched her arms and yawned wide, letting herself relax now that her reinforcements were here.
Logan dropped the blaster to his side. “Well, shit.” Surrounded by armed enemies on all sides, he had no choice but to obey.
It was then that he had a really stupid idea. One that would probably get him killed, but which would be really funny if it worked.
His blaster had a laser scope that shined a visible red dot on his target when toggled on. An attached laser pointer, in other words. If these catgirls were anything like the felines he knew on Earth…
Hell, it was worth a shot.
[To be continued? Or maybe not. I didn’t know how to end this, and I felt pretty silly writing it :c]

I have been a BOINC cruncher since I participated at SETI@home when I was 15 years old (I'm now 41). I became a Gridcoin cruncher 9 years ago, since I thought BOINC+Gridcoin was going to kick ass and yes, make some money, because at the end of the day everybody wants some money.
It's 2024 and I can only see 1 exchange that handles our coin. The net has not gained any attraction whatsoever and no partnerships with Academia/Universities has been made. I feel very dissapointed, looks like the people in charge of this network is not doing anything to get traction.
What is needed to make Universities join this wagon? so perhaps our coins will worth "something"?.
As of today prices one can barely buy a cup of coffee with all the effort and electricity put on this long-term investment.

I hope someone can give me some advice or direction. I am genuinely worried about my future. This is going to be a long post and I debated whether I should even do this or not, but I don't have anyone I can talk to. If you are reading this, then I am grateful for your time. Please note this is an arranged marriage situation so kindly don't troll. I am already in the situation, and I have to deal with it.
I (31F) have been married to my husband (36M) for one year now. We have had numerous fights over this time and they nearly always escalate to bad levels. A few times my husband even threatened to throw me out of the house because of these fights. I know I also have faults in this but he always acts like as if I am the only unreasonable one, that I am the only one being difficult, that I am the only one who is starting all the fights.
First I should explain my situation before marriage. I started pursuing a master's degree during the covid lockdown against my wishes, only because my parents forced me to do so. Previously I held a junior level job which was not very high-paying but it was my passion. I was always weak in academics but I found myself happy and even thriving in a job. I had to leave because of family issues, but I thought I would rejoin or seek a new job soon. But then the covid lockdown happened and my parents used this opportunity to give me an ultimatum to either get married or pursue masters. I decided to pursue masters. But despite this, my parents went back on their word and started pestering me to get married. They were scared I would be 30 and unmarried, hence undesirable to any man after that age. I met many guys and I always managed to turn them down respectfully. However the stress of this process and my explosive family situation got to me, and I failed to complete my masters. No one else knows this. I made it all the way to the last semester and I failed there. If I had to retake the exams I had to pay a hefty fee first. I didn't have the money and I could not confide in my parents. During the last semester I had been matched with my current husband and we got engaged (I was also tired of the endless matchmaking and people I had to talk to and he was the most decent one of them all). Then right after my "graduation" we got married. I have so much shame from failing that I have not still told my husband about it. Another big thing is that my sibling had a mental health scare a few years ago and is still recovering from it. I haven't told my husband because a) my sibling requested me not to since they feel ashamed and doesn't want to be judged, and b) my husband, I quickly realized, is more abrupt and also more dismissive of other's struggles - he would say that "everyone has issues and everyone one is suffering, get over it"
My husband is a nice man. He has a good job, and a loving family. They love me too. My family adores my husband. He is always good to me except I find that some of our values don't align.
Before marriage I spoke to him about the many things I was passionate about, and I always asked him if he was okay with it. He told me he was. It turns out he actually is not okay with many things
I have other issues with him too - for example, he doesn't use a c*nd*m with me even after I asked him to.
He expects that he can order me around (and sometimes I think he is not even aware). He is also always in my face; and I don't mean physically. For example - on the first day after the marriage he ordered me to get him a cup of coffee in front of all of his family and mine. I was also tired. I went through more things than he did during the wedding day. I had a look of irritation on my face but I still made it for him. He saw my face and in front of everyone he loudly asked me "what's wrong? did I do a mistake? did I do something wrong to you?" I got embarrassed and said "no, it's nothing" but he kept asking me a few more times, getting more people's attention. Later my parents pulled me aside and yelled at me for inconveniencing my husband.
Husband's biggest issue with me is that I did not immediately share about my sibling's condition until much later. He asked me a few times about it in the beginning and I asked him to give me some time until I could explain properly. I didn't want to explain badly and have him judge my sibling. And even though I did eventually tell him, he still brings up that he resented me for not telling him immediately when he asked. I don't think he had a right to demand this information or even to hold that grudge against me after so long.
When I have an opinion different from his, he implies that I'm stupid and that I don't know anything how the world works. Of course, I also don't back down and it turns into fights.
He says I have a huge ego and he is determined to bring me down. During a few of our fights he likes to remind me that I am no one special. I am a nobody, and I have agreed with him. But it still hurts.
I am fully financially dependent on him. I haven't been able to get a job yet, but I manage the whole household - cooking, cleaning, grocery run, routinely stocking household supplies, etc, while he manages all the bills. He told me that we are in a tight position financially and I need to get a job. I am currently looking for a job without much success.
I know I'm not the best or easiest person to be with. When I'm upset my voice goes up just as my emotions go up but at that point he stops listening to me. He will just say that I'm yelling and even after I reduce my volume and try to speak to him he won't listen. Even after I explain why I'm upset he will ask me again why am I upset which kills me because he isn't listening to me. Even if I don't yell at all and I tell him why I'm upset he still doesn't accept or understand because my reasoning is stupid for him.
A few times during our fights he reacts aggressively and gets up from where he is sitting and towers over me. I am much smaller than him physically. He grabs my arm and tells me to get out of the house. He tells me to leave. At this point I have to cower and cry because I have nowhere to go. But he is getting less forgiving each time.
The most recent fight started out as a small incident. We have a house guest staying with us and I was making dinner for us. It was getting late and I had just finished up the curries and I asked husband and guest to come sit and start eating while I make the rotis so I can give it to them hot, and so that I don't make them wait. House guest asks for ghee at one point. I give it. My husband says "Take the ghee and put it on the roti and make for the guest" I got irritated because I was so focused on my task and he was instructing me to do things. But I kept quiet and I did as he told. But again he saw my irritation. And he loudly started asking me "what's wrong? is something wrong?" and embarrassing me. I said "no, it's nothing" but he kept asking me. I finally had to whisper to him to "stop it". Dinner proceeded without any more problems. Later when we went to bed he asked me again what was wrong? This time I tried to explain that I was tired and got a little irritated at that moment but the biggest issue for me was him asking me again and again what was wrong. I tried to tell him that I don't want to be instructed on how I make food but moreover, I don't want to be "interrogated" in front of other people. He said he will do as he pleases if I am going to show my irritation in front of other people (I did not, the guests back was facing me so they can't even see me). I told him explicitly that he /will not/ interrogate me. He lost his temper and said he'll do "whatever the f**k" he wants. I also lost it and asked him back "who the f**k" he thinks he is to just do as he pleases.
It escalated more and I brought up point where he did the same interrogation on the first day after marriage and he said that I got scolded by my parents for telling him to shut up (Which I didn't, he is lying or I am a fool who can't remember this) not because he made it look like I was being unreasonable and difficult. It kept escalating and I had to raise my voice because he was talking over me and he lost it even more. He grabbed my arm and pushed me to the door saying "get out of my house. Leave and get lost I don't care where you go". I said no and he pushed me again with his whole body. Finally I kept pushing back and he went back to bed. He told me he wants to hit me so I told him to go ahead. Hit me as much as you want. Then he said "I'm not stupid, I won't hit you. There's worse ways to deal with you" and I had to leave the room. He also said to me that I don't do anything worthwhile, like as if all the work I have done in the house is useless. Basically I am useless.
I am feeling so lost and confused, and also a little scared because I really have nowhere to go. I can't go to my family. I can't humiliate them. I can't let him call them and humiliate them. I have no financial power so I can't even leave the house for a few days. In a few months I have an important wedding to attend and he's supposed to book my tickets but now I'm afraid to ask him in case he denies me out of spite. I am mostly scared because this isn't the first time he has threatened to kick me out and divorce me.
I am thinking about how I should go back to him and apologize. Please help me.
TL;DR I fought with my husband and he's threatened to throw me out of the house (not the first time). I'm financially dependent on him and I have nowhere to go and no one to talk to. I need to apologize but I also have an ego and this is too much for me. Help me to apologize sincerely to him without losing my autonomy.
​

What happened last night? Oliver couldn't fully remember. Then again, It's not like it mattered. Much. The son of Momus had decided, even before the dance, to hold a breakfast the morning after the dance. It was so that people who maybe stayed up past their usual time to go to sleep could get something to eat, or for any potential new couples, friends, or whatever else to talk.
Contrary to what people think, Oliver was actually a decent chef. Thus, when he made the breakfast, he made the following menu.

• Eggs (Scrambled)
• Omelette station with the works for fillings
• Breakfast sausage in both patties and link form
• Toast
• Any spare food from the previous night (Cookies, chips, etc.)
• Orange Juice, Apple juice, Grape juice, etc.
• Coffee
• Water
• Any spare soda from the previous night

The son of Momus, being ever so very slightly tired (not like it was that visible...) grabbed a cup of coffee, standing at the Momus table.

When I was ten, I formed a junior detective squad.
Mom bought me the entire box set of What's New Scooby Doo, and I was inspired to start my very own detective gang. I held auditions outside the gymnasium at recess (serious enquiries only) after a number of kids tried to apply for the role of Scooby Doo despite me reiterating I was not interested in playing make believe.
When I was laughed at in class, I made posters strictly asking for SERIOUS wannabe detectives, even going as far as using my Mom’s printer to make flyers, sticking them all over the school.
Auditions were simple. I asked them to solve a simple riddle.
Whoever impressed me got to sign their name down, and I’d get back to them.
I spent three days sifting through kids who definitely had charm, but they lacked the intelligence of a junior detective. Most kids were only auditioning to make fun of me, anyway.
Still, though, I didn't give up.
My flyers had five requirements:
1). You had to be smart.
2). You were not allowed to be a scaredy cat.
3). You had to accept your inevitable death at the hands of our town’s evil villains.
4). You had to have a fully registered driving licence (I quickly changed this to a bike).
5). You cannot have a criminal record.
(I later scribbled this one out, writing over it. *“You cannot have any tardies.”
Narrowing the applicants down to three kids, all of whom failed to share my enthusiasm for solving cases. The kids I picked didn't even know how to make plans, and when I invited them to my house, they stole my Mom’s necklace.
I didn't even need to solve the mystery of who stole Mom’s necklace. The girl was wearing it at school. I punched her in the face, and was immediately sent to the principal’s office. When I was being given the mother all lectures, the door quietly opened, a head peeking through.
It was Ben Callows, a freckly kid with overgrown brown hair hanging in his eyes. Ben really needed a haircut.
He was always wearing the exact same baseball cap, and I found myself wondering if it was permanently glued to his head, stuck on top of unruly brown curls practically matted to his forehead.
In class, Ben was also known as Bloody Ben. In the second grade, the boy had a nosebleed in the middle of a spelling test, bleeding all over his paper.
It's not like he didn't try and detach himself from the name.
Ben brought in Digimon cards, so kids would call him Digimon Ben instead.
Then he “accidentally” spilled yoghurt down his shirt in hopes we would call him Yoghurt Ben. But no. The kids in our class were relentless in reminding him of his name. No matter what he did, he was still Bloody Ben, and when anything related to blood came up in class, fifteen pairs of eyes would swivel to him, like he had invented the concept of bleeding.
I feared the nickname would follow him to junior high.
Ben didn't wait to be let in. He didn't even knock, striding in with his arms folded. Over the years, Bloody Ben, had definitely soured his personality.
He smiled rarely, and when he did smile, someone was falling over or hurting themselves.
Which definitely strengthened the claims of him being a sociopath.
The rumor mill was churning, with the latest claiming Bloody Ben killed his cat. That wasn't true. Ben’s cat was seventeen with cancer, and that was why he was sobbing all the way through reading time.
According to Ellie Daly, however, Ben had killed and dissected his kitty, and buried her in his Mom’s flowers.
Now, my principal did not like being interrupted, especially when she was in the middle of screaming at me.
Principal Marrow was old old (like, thirty, in my ten year old mind) stick thin like a pencil, and always wore the same stained sweater.
She used to be pretty, but I was convinced she had kissed a frog and been cursed. After our old principal suffered a stroke, she stepped in as a temporary replacement, and since becoming principal, had banned my favorite book series, colored shoe laces, and hamburger helper, even officiating a uniform.
(vomit green shorts and a tee, and plain white sneakers).
Kids were convinced she was a witch, and I kind of believed it.
Principal Marrow’s whole existence was built on sucking the fun out of school.
I was already reprimanded for my mystery gang flyers.
Her office smelled of peppermint and she was definitely sneaking sips of whisky in her coffee cup. I could see the bottle sticking out of the trash.
She straightened up, folding her arms across her chest, squinty eyes narrowing at the boy. I had spent the whole time she was lecturing me trying not to cry, my fists bunched in my lap.
I took the distraction as the perfect opportunity to swipe at my eyes, allowing myself to breathe.
Ben Callows was her victim now.
I was right. The woman's voice was like a thunderclap in my ears.
“You better have a good reason for not knocking, young man.”
Ben wasn't fazed by her tone. “You took my Switch two weeks ago,” he said, “I want it back, or I’m telling my Mom.”
At first, I thought I'd misheard him.
No, I was pretty sure he'd threatened our principal.
I swore I heard all of the breath sucked from the room.
“I'm sorry,” Principal Marrow cleared her throat. Her soft tone was dangerous.
She wasn't being nice. The lady was about to explode.
I could see visible veins straining in her temples, her right eye twitching.
It was straight out of a cartoon.
“Did you forget something, Ben?”
Ben sighed, like she was inconveniencing him.
He held out his hand. “Please can I have my Switch back? It counts as stolen property. Give it back, or I'm telling my Mom.”
The kid put so much emphasis on the word please, I couldn't resist a smile.
I think our principal was too shocked to get angry.
“Get out.” She said, firmly. “I don't have your gaming device.”
“It's in your drawer.” Ben nodded to her desk, “Under your divorce papers and the restraining order ordered by Jake Willow, the seventeen year old boy you've been having math ‘tutoring sessions’ with.” He quoted the air, his gaze lazily rolling to me. “Tutoring”
Principal Marrow went deathly pale, her eyes darkening.
“Benjamin Callows–”
“The school already knows about the restraining order, but your uncle is the head of the Board of Education, so all you get is a slap on the wrist and a warning to leave the boy alone."
Ben continued, and I found myself mesmerised by his words. He was a natural, his expression stoic, mouth curved with satisfaction that wasn't quite a smile. “However.” He held up his phone, pulling it away at the exact moment the teacher attempted to grab it. “You were outside Jake Willow’s house at 6:12am, drunk, and trying to climb through his window, which, I think violates the restraining order, does it not?”
Ben pretended to think real hard, his gaze flicking to the ceiling.
“I mean, I'm just a kid, right?” His mouth curled into the hint of a smirk
“What do I know, huh?”
Principal Marrow’s expression twisted, her lip wobbling.
“Mr Callows, remove yourself from my office, or I am calling your father.”
Leaning comfortably against the door, Ben’s lip twitched.
“Why? Are you planning on telling my Dad about your relations with a teenage boy, or will I have to tell him instead?”
I was enthralled, and fully disgusted, making a move to inch away from the woman.
“But it doesn't end there.” Ben continued. He straightened up, taking slow, intimidating steps towards the woman's desk. “You don't even want Jake, do you? Because, once upon a time, you were in love with his father. Jason Willow. You despised him for rejecting you, so you decided to defile his son.” Ben leaned over the principal’s desk, slipping his hand into the drawer, and pulling out his switch.
Painfully slowly.
She stood there, speechless, her shoulders trembling.
Ben smiled, and I found myself liking it.
“Thank you!” He said, waving the console in her face. Ben mimed locking his mouth and throwing away the key.
“My lips are sealed.”
Ben’s half lidded eyes found mine. “Are ya coming, Panda?”
I forgot my own nickname.
Panda.
I wore my Mom’s eyeliner because I thought it looked cool.
It did not.
Finding my breath, I snapped out of it.
Jumping up, I followed him out of the office, and when the two of us were safely on the hallway, I burst into hysterical giggles. “How did you know all of that?!” I whisper- shrieked.
Ben surprised me with a splutter. “Wait. You believed me?”
Something very cold trickled down my spine.
I stopped walking. “You lied?”
He shrugged. “I had a dig around her office before she caught me a few days ago,” Ben swung his arms, a smile curling on his mouth. “There's no restraining order, but there is prescription anti-psychosis medicine, and an extremely detailed story on her laptop about a teachestudent romance, which I presume is a self insert.”
Ben shot me a sickly grin. “The school refused to make her condition public.”
He prodded at his own cotton shirt embroidered with the school emblem.
“Why do you think she's made all these dumb rules? The woman is a certified Looney Tune.”
I nodded slowly. “Wait. What about Jake and his dad?”
“I made them up.”
I choked out a laugh. “And… the video?”
Ben walked faster, pulling out his phone and shoving it in my face. The video was real. Principal Marrow was walking around in circles, draped in her nightgown. “It's her own house,” he explained. “She locked herself out.”
Nodding slowly, I was in awe. Bloody Ben was kind of fucking amazing.
“But the restraining order isn't real.”
Ben raised a brow, coming to an abrupt halt. It was his smile that cemented his place in my gang. His lack of empathy for a woman he had gaslit into being a disgusting human being. Ben Callows wasn't exactly what I was looking for, but he fascinated me. Maybe for the wrong reasons. “Her filing cabinets are filled with tinned cat food, Panda,” he said with an exaggerated sigh, “I’m not psychic, but I thiiiiink we’ll be okay.”
I turned to him, unable to stop myself jumping up and down with excitement.
“Will you be my first?!”
Ben inclined his head. “Will I be your what?”
I shook my head. “Sorry. I mean, will you join my mystery gang?”
The boy’s eyes lit up, and I shoved him playfully.
“To solve real cases,” I corrected myself. “Not make them up.”
Ben wore a real, proper smile. But there was something in his eyes, a darkness that was so hollow and polluted and wrong, I pretended not to see it for the sake of his smarts and intellect. “Well, if you insist, sure!” Ben held out his hand, and I shook it. I'll be your first.”
We found our second member, who was, ironically, looking for her glasses under the table in class. Lucy Prescott, the quiet girl, was born to be with us.
The class eraser went missing, and she found it in the blink of an eye.
When questioned, Lucy’s face turned as red as her hair. “I asked everyone in the class and followed the clues to the last person who had it,” she pointed to Chase Simpson. “Which was Chase, who was throwing it at Marcus Calvin.”
Twisting around in my chair, I aimed to get Ben’s attention. But he was already looking at me, chin resting on his fist, eyes ignited with excitement.
The two of us cornered Lucy after class, and when she motioned for us to get back, I dragged Ben (who was a little too excited) to my side.
Lucy looked mildly horrified when I said, dangerous cases, though her expression pricked with intrigue.
She agreed, her gaze lingering on Ben, cheeks smouldering.
Our last two members were a surprise.
Violet Evergreen was what you would call popular on the middle school hierarchy. Not just because her mother was the mayor, but because Violet could get away with murder. The girl refused to wear the school uniform, coloring a single purple streak in her hair to cement herself as the it girl.
She was also one of the girls who started the Bloody Ben rumor.
Ben, Lucy, and I were sitting on the grass during recess, trying to come up with a name for our detective service, when Violet came storming over, hands planted on her hips. She was copying how her mother held herself during town meetings.
“What are you doing?” Violet demanded.
Lucy opened her mouth to answer, Ben nudging her to shut up.
“Making a mystery gang.” I told her. “Why?”
Violet inclined her head. “Oh.” She folded her arms. “Well, can I join?”
Ben stood up, stepping in front of the girl. Violet didn't move, stubbornly standing her ground. “Sure.” Ben flashed a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes. He stepped closer to her, his smile widening. “If you can pass the test.”
Violet’s lip curled. She took a single step back. “What kind of test?”
Ben nodded to me. “Meet us at the swimming pool at 8pm.”
To my surprise, Violet nodded. “Do I need to bring anything?”
“Nope!”
8pm. The four of us met outside the local swimming pool.
Violet was already on the other side of the fence, waving.
“Hey guys!”
I noticed Ben’s expression, his eyes darkening, lip curling.
Still though, he maintained positivity, vaulting over the fence.
“You made it!”
I followed him, helping Lucy, who was immediately freaking out. I didn't blame her. The pool looked cold and dark, a hollow oblivion carved into the ground.
Ben and Violet stood on the edge, the two of them shoulder to shoulder.
Violet Evergreen was braver than I thought.
Standing with her arms at her sides, Violet's hands clenched into fists.
“What's the test?” Violet said, her gaze glued to bleeding black depths.
“I don't know,” Ben murmured, his voice teetering on a giggle. He leaned forwards, arms spread out. “I didn't think you'd actually come meet us.”
Violet hummed, stretching out her leg, teasing it across the surface. “Was that the test?”
The boy leaned back. I caught the glint of a grin under the floodlights. “Nah.”
Before I knew what was happening, he shoved Violet into the pool. The girl didn't scream or shriek, she just hit the surface, sinking into pitch dark nothing.
“Sink or swim,” Ben said in a low murmur, when Violet’s head bobbed under water. I could see her shadow under the surface, imagining the freezing cold depths pulling her down.
“Drown, and you can't join us.”
It was so quiet, suddenly. The three of us staring into rippling water.
A minute passed, and my tummy started to twist.
“Fuck.” Ben’s expression stayed stoic. I wasn't expecting him to say a bad word.
He cocked his head. “I thought she could swim.”
I hit him, holding in a cry. “You need to get our parents!”
But he didn't listen to me, taking a single step, and dropping into the pool.
I fell to my knees, scanning the water.
Lucy was crying. “Are they dead?!” she shrieked.
“Shhh!” I was watching two shadows lingering under the water.
Violet broke through. I expected her to be crying, but her expression was unwavering. She was silent. I thought the splashing underneath her was her legs trying and struggling to tread water, before Lucy shoved me. Hard.
“Panda! What do we do?!”
Looking closer, Violet was perfectly still, her gaze on the sky.
While she shoved Ben under the water, drowning him.
Violet’s eyes sparkled, and somehow, I knew she belonged in my gang.
Her gaze found mine, glinting with that darkness, that poisonous streak I found myself drawn to. It was a starving, insatiable need to understand a fractured mind. Know your enemy.
“Do you want to see if Ben’s a witch?” Violet asked me, her tone something else entirely. This girl did not make sense, using barely her finger to drown Ben Callows. I knew she was wrong.
I knew there was something loose, something unlocked and unbridled and drowning inside her mind and heart.
But I wanted more of her. I wanted Violet Evergreen in my detective gang.
I think that is why I stood there, frozen.
When the thrashing stopped, Ben broke through.
He wasn't coughing or spluttering, his head inclined. “You didn't drown.”
Violet climbed out of the pool, offering her hand. “And you're not a witch.”
He declined her hand, taking the steps instead.
I asked Violet in a shaky voice. I was trembling with terror, but I was excited.
Exhilarated.
“Violet, will you join my gang?”
She didn't answer me until we were sharing hot cocoa in my house.
I told Mom we fell in the pool, and she believed me. I should have told her that my friends were sociopaths, and I was kind of maybe in love. Violet sipped her cocoa, nodding with a smile I didn't recognise. Violet never smiled at school.
Well, she did. But it was always the prick of a cruel smirk.
I don't think her smile was genuine, but she was definitely enjoying herself.
Our last member came to us, instead of finding him.
Jules Howell, a straggly brunette pushed his way in front of me in the lunch line. I didn't really know the kid.
He sat at the back of the classroom and slept through most of class. I did like his accent though.
Jules had moved from Melbourne in the second grade. He didn't talk much.
When he did, I found myself enveloped in his voice, which sounded like water to me, a bleeding cadence to his tone.
Jules piled his plate with fries, smiling widely at the lunch ladies.
“I saw you last night.” He murmured through that perfectly moulded grin.
“Saw me where?”
“At the pool,” Jules said. “You, Bloody Ben, Violet Evergreen, and that Lucy girl. You were doing a suiciding pact.”
“That's not what we were doing.” I said, “What's a suiciding pact?”
“When you kill yourself together.” Jules said. “I saw it in a scary movie my Mom was watching.”
I grabbed a fork. “We weren't doing that.”
His eyes were strange when I took the time to notice them. The excited gleam had fizzled out. Jules’s hands tightened around his tray. “Then what were you doing?”
I didn't reply, making my way over to our usual table. Ben was already waving me over, Violet and Lucy holding up the flyers we were making.
THE REDBLOOD DETECTIVES.”
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When I bothered turning around, Jules was lost in the crowd of kids.
We were on our first official case, searching for Mrs Lake’s missing mail, when Jules appeared seemingly out of nowhere. And with him, a golden retriever puppy he introduced as Arlo.
It took a dog jumping up at them for Violet and Ben to find their real smiles, their real selves slowly seeping through these facades they had built around themselves. Ben dropped to a crouch, ruffling the dog's ears, his smile faint.
“Who's a good boy?” He chuckled.
Arlo didn't move, tail wagging, eyes bright.
Ben motioned the dog towards him, but Arlo stayed put.
Jules joined us…quietly.
I don't remember asking him, or even him asking me.
He just became part of us, side by side with Arlo.
We soon came to quickly realize that our town was boring.
There were no monsters or thieves, or soul sucking demons. No criminals or serial killers. Not even one missing person. We did, however, get calls about missing cats. I turned eleven years old, patiently waiting for a murder or a kid going missing. But there was nothing.
All we did was chase cats, and the occasional dog. Maybe a budgie if we were lucky. Twelve years old, our detective club became a joke.
The five of us (and Arlo hiding under the table) were trying to pinpoint Mrs Tracy's lost hamster, when three girls came over, dumping their soda all over us.
We watched crime shows for inspiration on catching killers.
Ben’s favorite crime was one that happened in the 80’s in our town.
2 girls murdered.
Their intestines stuffed into envelopes and mailed to family members.
“That's what we should be solving,” he told me one night, “Not missing cats.”
Thirteen years old, we lay in Violet’s backyard under the cruel glare of the summer sun. We called it working and didn't like to admit it was hanging out, or that we were even friends. However.
That didn't stop us growing closer.
Even if it wasn't quite the way I’d expected.
I proposed a plan, standing up, wobbling a little off balance.
“I've got it.” I said, my voice kinda slurry from Violet’s special summer cocktail, which was just random alcoholic beverages we found, thrown into a blender, and diluted with water.
The town wasn't taking us seriously.
So, we were going to make our own mysteries.
I ordered a full-scale assault on our small town. One that they could not ignore. Ben stamped on Mrs Mason’s flowers, and Lucy threw mud pies at people's cars. Jules trashed the high school gym, and Violet and I spray painted threats and warnings on every store window. Now, this did cause panic, but also an official curfew.
Thirty minutes before curfew, we met in our usual spot, deep in the forest near the lake. Ben yelled at me when I was three minutes late. He was real passionate about finding a real mystery.
“You're late.” Ben was sitting on a rock waving a stick in Arlo’s face.
The dog still wasn't going near him, whining softly.
I took my place, muttering an apology. “I had to lie to my Mom.”
Violet, sitting with her legs crossed, idly digging her manicure into the dirt, suggested we buy mannequins and masquerade them as dead bodies, hanging them from the school rafters.
Lucy, who had slowly grown out of her shell, becoming a lot more outspoken, nudged her. “That's a stupid idea.”
The girl groaned, leaning into her. “Urgh. You're right.”
Jules was the only energetic one, standing on the tireswing.
He jumped down, definitely twisting his ankle.
But his smile only widened, kind of like he enjoyed being in pain.
“Why don't we pretend to be kidnapped?” He said, pulling the hood of his sweatshirt over blondish curls growing out. Jules did a dramatic spin, his eyes shining. “We can ‘go missing’ for like a week, and then when our parents are really scared, we can turn up, and tell them we escaped a kidnapping.” His lips split into a grin.
“And then we solve our own kidnapping!”
Ben awkwardly patted Arlos head, only for the dog to pull away with a snort.
“I like it,” he murmured. “I'm in.”
Jules’s idea was stupid.
But.
It was worth a shot.
The five of us agreed to meet the morning after with enough food and supplies for a week. Then we were going to hike to the next town, and hide out for a week. It was an almost perfect plan, using ourselves as victims of our own mystery.
Packing as much as I could, I kissed my mother goodbye (I told her my pack was for a picnic) and set off to the rendezvous we agreed on.
When I arrived, I was the first one there. I checked and re-checked my pack.
I waited ten minutes, unable to contain my excitement.
Then 20 minutes.
It was getting kind of cold.
One hour.
I sat on a rock for enough time to watch the sky change color.
When the clouds were orange, I stood up and stumbled back home. They had gone without me. Mom lectured me when I got home, and I stuck to the plan of pretending my friends had gone missing, even if I they had betrayed me.
Ben said he'd text me when he arrived at the redervous. I at least expected him to text an explanation, but there was nothing. I was in the dark, and after three days of nothing, our town finally began to take us seriously.
“Our children have been kidnapped!” The adults were screaming.
Mom was crying in the kitchen, praying to a god I knew she didn't believe in that I wasn't taken next. I was interviewed and stuck with the exact same story I came up with when I was with the others. Our plan was to return after a week, claiming to be locked up in a dark room with a masked man.
I told my Mother and the other parents that I didn't know where my friends were, repeating the same thing over and over again until I was tongue tied.
“I saw them the day before they went missing, and… yes, everything seemed okay.” I slowly sipped my glass of milk provided, looking the sheriff directly in the eyes.
“No, I didn't notice anything suspicious, sheriff. Yes, I'm sure, sir. No, they didn't tell me anything.”
It was Ben’s mother who shattered my mask.
“Did I know about… what?” I whispered.
Something warm filled the back of my mouth, foul tasting milk erupting up my throat. I leaned forward, trying to look Mrs Callows in the eye. “No, I… I didn't know about Ben’s…condition.”
Mrs Callows was screaming at me about her son’s troubled past when I barfed all over myself, my eyes burning.
In the privacy of my own room, I sobbed until I couldn't breathe.
I tried to tell Mom, but we had come so close.
One more day, and the others would be back.
But that day came. I sat cross legged at our usual spot, which was now covered in police tape. I waited for their thudding footsteps, their laughter congratulating each other for coming up with a great plan. I waited, my face buried in my knees, for my friends.
It was dark when my phone vibrated, and I'd fallen asleep.
I wasn't scared, forcing myself to my feet.
“Where are you?” Mom yelled down the phone.
“Coming home now.” I muttered.
“Sorry.” I paused, holding my breath against a cry. “Mom.” I broke down, forcing my fist into my mouth to hide my squeak. “Mommy, did they come back?”
Mom didn't reply for a moment.
“I'm so sorry, baby.” She whispered, ending the call.
I took my time walking home that night.
There were no stars in the sky.
When a hand clamped over my mouth, I could smell him.
When he dragged me back, stabbing a kitchen knife into my throat, I stared at the sky and looked for stars. His arms were warm around me, violently pulling me into the back of a pickup truck. The pickup truck he'd said he was bringing.
It was his grandfather's, and he could just about drive it.
Hitting the backseat, my body was numb, my thoughts in a whirlwind.
The pickup flew forwards, and I remembered how to move.
I rolled off the seat, my hands pinned behind my back.
Twisting around, blinking in the dim, I could feel something warm, something seeping across upholstery seats. Blood.
It was everywhere, sticky on my hands and wet on my face when I struggled to get up. I was lying in someone's blood.
A scream clawed its way out of my throat.
The pickup flew over a pothole, and something dropped off the seat.
Arlo’s leash.
I screamed again, this time his name gritted between my teeth.
I didn't stop screaming until the jerking movement stopped. The doors opened, pale light hitting me in the face.
Flashlight. Warm arms wrapped around me, pulling me from the car, and then, pulling me by my hair, into our old tree house. It was always our secret place, our saving grace on the edge of town.
The flickering candlelight caught me off guard, illuminating my surroundings.
Two bodies slumped over each other, lying in stemming red.
I felt suffocated, like I was going to die. I screamed, and that warm hand cradled my mouth again, gagging my cries.
Violet and Jules.
There was something wrong with them. And it was only when I forced myself to look closer, when I realized their insides had been carved out, heart, stomach, everything, pulled out.
There was paper on the floor.
No, not paper. Envelopes.
Envelopes stuffed with gore, bright red leaking through white.
Shuffling back, my brain was too slow to react, while my body was trying to vault to my feet, only to be violently pulled back by my ponytail.
I felt his fingers twining around my hair, revelling in my screams.
With another tug, my head was forced forwards.
Orange candlelight felt almost homely, this time lighting up a third body.
Lying on their back, curled up, pooling scarlet dried into the floorboards, their wrists restricted with duct-tape.
I could feel blood underneath me, sticky, a congealing paste.
“Do you know what happened on October 3rd, 1987, in our town?”
Lucy Prescott stood over me, her arms folded across her chest.
I managed to shake my head, when she grabbed Ben’s legs, dragging him under the candlelight. I dazedly watched her stroke the blade of a carving knife, the teeth already stained scarlet. “The intestine murders.” Lucy hummed, tracing the knife down the floorboards.
“A man murdered two high school girls, carving out their insides and sending their pieces to their loved ones.”
Lucy's eyes found mine, ignited in a familiar gleam. I saw it in Principal Marrow’s office. Then the swimming pool. The cafeteria. “It was the sheriff's only murder case, Panda. Ever since then, our town has been boring. There's no mysteries to solve. Nothing to find.”
The girl jumped to her feet, retrieving a blood stained envelope.
She held it up, a smile curved on her lips. The girl turned around, and I heard a horrific squelching sound. Lucy held up a bright red sausage, ripped into it, and slipped it into the white paper.
“But I can change that.” she said, in a giggle.
“I can create a real serial killer, who we can hunt down together.”
Lucy stabbed the blade into the floor, laughing.
“Or! I can bring a fan-favorite back! I can bring the intestine killer back from the dead!”
Her gaze flicked to the others. “There are casualties, of course. The story is, I was kidnapped with Ben, Violet, and Jules. The scary intestine killer killed them, and I managed to get away.”
Lucy shuffled over to me, her eyes wide. “Then! He came back and struck again!”
With those words, she shoved me onto my back.
“First he took Violet,” Lucy hummed, tracing the blade down my shirt.
“Then… Jules.” I squeezed my eyes shut, pulling at the restraints around my wrists. “Then Ben.” her breath tickled my cheek. “And finally… Panda.”
Lucy lifted the knife, and I accepted my death.
Until a low rumble in my ears.
Shouting.
Thundering footsteps, followed by the pitter-patter of paws.
“Lucy!” The sheriff was screaming, and the girl stumbled to her feet, the knife slipping from her fingers. Lucy stumbled, tripping over Ben’s body.
“He got away!” she shrieked. “He…he killed them! Oh, god, please help me!”
I don't think Lucy even realised the traces she'd left behind.
The blood slick on her fingers, her manic, grinning smile full of mania.
I was looking for stars when an officer crouched over me.
I couldn't understand what she was saying.
Her voice was white noise.
“Rachel? Hey, try and sit up, honey. You Mom is on her way.”
Instead of listening to her, I curled into myself.
My gaze found Arlo sticking his nose in Ben’s hair, trying to nudge the boy awake.
I didn't fully register the next few days.
They went by in a confusing blur.
Part of me tried to eat, and spent hours with my head pressed against the toilet seat.
I could still see the slithering, scarlet remains of my friends every time I closed my eyes. There was so much red, soaked in that hunting orange light.
Blood that I could still see, a starless sky that stretched on forever.
Weeks went by.
Then months.
I think I turned 14. I wasn't sure. I didn't feel alive anymore.
I stood at my friend’s funerals with a single rose I dropped into their casket.
Violet’s mother was quick to cover the whole thing up.
Lucy's plan didn't work after all.
Our town’s murder cases stayed stagnant at one.
It's been four years since my friends were murdered by our ’Velma’.
Now, at seventeen, Mom asked if I wanted to visit Lucy in juvie.
I'm not even upset or angry anymore.
I want to know why.
Ben picked me up. Arlo was at his side, wagging his tail.
Ben was…different. He'd dumped his baseball cap and gotten a haircut, swapping his old wardrobe of drab colors for an attempt at changing style.
That day, he looked awkward in a short sleeved tee and shorts.
At school, Ben is no longer Bloody Ben.
Now, he is Survivor Ben.
I’m still Panda.
Every time I was with him, I felt like my soul was being sucked out.
Guilt so deep, so fucking painful, I lost my breath.
I live knowing that I immediately assumed it was him that day.
Ben was barely alive when I found him. Lucy had started to carve into him before remembering she needed me.
After admitting it to him, his lips formed a small smile.
“Can I tell you a secret?” He said to me, at sixteen.
"Yeah?"
Whatever he was going to say, Ben never told me.
Presently, I nodded at the dog’s new collar.
“Peppa Pig themed?”
The boy shrugged, ruffling Arlo’s ears. “FYI, he chose it.”
“It's cute.” I said. “Very… chic.”
We didn't speak the whole ride, but Ben did entangle his hand in mine.
We spent half an hour outside the detention centre. I was panicking, and Ben was trying to hide that he was panicking. In the end, we joined hands, and strode through the doors together.
Lucy greeted us with a wide smile. Just as psychotic.
The orange jumpsuit suited her, though I had zero idea why.
“Hey Arlo!” she giggled at the dog, and Ben pulled the pup onto his lap.
“Ben.” She sighed. “I wish I got to finish you. I would have loved to solve the mystery of your gutted corpse.”
Ben’s smile was wry. “Nice to see you too.”
Behind a glass screen, I asked Lucy one simple question.
“Why?”
Lucy didn't reply. Or she did, but it was just nonsensical bullshit.
But there was one thing she said has stuck with me, chilling me to the core.
I am fucking terrified of Lucy. Of what's she's done, and what she's capable of doing.
It was a throwaway line, and I don't even think Ben noticed.
Or he did, and was in denial.
Lucy's smile was wide, her eyes empty pools of nothing.
The exact same glint in Ben’s eyes.
Jules’s eyes.
Violet’s eyes.
Like something was gnawing away at their psyche, twisting and contorting it, filling them with darkness, poison, that was so vast, so endless, I had craved it as a child. I still don't know what it is.
But I'm going to find it.
Lucy's laugh was shrill, and next to me, Ben didn't move a muscle.
But he did smile.
Yes, my gang were psychos.
But I kind of maybe loved it.
“I don't even wear glasses!”