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Europe in Early January, 1805. How the continent looks at the start of a Napoleon: Total War game.
Seven years ago I started posting a writeup of playing a game of Empire: Total War with the challenge of conquering every region in alphabetical order. This was inspired by someone trying to play Crusader Kings in alphabetical order back in 2006. After 75 chapters, with about 2,600 images and just a silly amount of text, I completed the game and swore off touching another Total War game for some time!
I’m now back, to try and achieve the same goal of conquering every region in alphabetical order but in Napoleon: Total War. I’ve never finished a game of N:TW before, so it will fun to see what this more focused and refined(?) version of E:TW will be like to play. As with my last playthrough, I’m using DarthMod and playing on Normal/Normal difficulty. I have no idea if those settings will make this challenge too easy or impossible, let’s find out!
Napoleon Bonaparte’s stats and the 11 regions I have to sell off before I can start this challenge.
There is a vast quantity of books studying the life of Napoleon Bonaparte, but what none of them will tell you is that he had a passion for the alphabet just like King Louis XIV. So obviously he was forced to sell off every region of the French Empire so that he could conquer the entirety of Europe in alphabetical order.
Unfortunately if I lose France I automatically lose the entire game, so I’ll need to unofficially keep hold of that, but otherwise I first need to trade away Alsace-Lorraine, Aquitaine, Bretagne, Corsica, Hannover, Normandie, Pays d'Oc, Picardie-Champagne, Piedmont-Liguria, Provence, and the Southern Netherlands. At the moment the French Empire’s prosperity is spectacular, its prestige sublime, but that’s going to take a bit of a hit…
The French military units in those region capitals will soon need to vacate, most are just militia and basic cavalry, but Strasbourg has a decent sized force led by Napoleon’s brother-in-law Joachim Murat.
The French Imperial Army, scattered across Alsace-Lorraine, Northern Italy, and Hannover
The rest of the Imperial Army is along the empire’s eastern border. Napoleon himself commands the largest army to the west of Strasbourg, close to two smaller forces led by Marshals Michel Ney and Louis-Nicolas Davout. Over in Northern Italy a detachment led by Marshal Jean-André Masséna guards the border with Austria, and in isolated Hannover a similar-sized group guards the city with Marshal Jean-Baptiste Bernadotte as its commander.
The two French fleets, one off Portugal and the other near Genoa, and the flagship Scipion.
The French Navy has just two fleets. The Atlantic Squadron is currently stationed near Portugal, Admiral Pierre-Charles Villeneuve commands the immense 122-gun Scipion, two 3rd rates, two 4th rates, and frigate. The Mediterranean Squadron is near French-controlled Genoa, led by Vice-Admiral Victor Durand it consists of just two frigates and a corvette.
Soon the French Empire won’t have any ports that need defending or to repair ships at, and my income is about to nosedive, so I think it’s time to do something reckless…
An outnumbered French fleet is defeated by Britain’s finest, but not without scoring a massive blow against the Royal Navy.
Admiral Villeneuve is told to take his fleet north and engage whatever enemy vessels he can find, to sink as many ships as possible even if it risks wiping out his own. It doesn’t take long: in the Bay of Biscay the Atlantic Squadron bumps into none other than Vice-Admiral Nelson and a huge British fleet. The two commanders had previously fought at the Battle of the Nile as Rear-Admirals, and in reality weren’t due to meet for another 10 months at the Battle of Trafalgar. The British fleet greatly dwarfs the French, with Nelson commanding his own 122-gun Heavy 1st rate, a 1st rate, two 2nd rates, and three 3rd rates!
I auto-resolve the battle, resulting in an expected defeat. Villeneuve survives on board a battered Scipion, with only a 4th rate for company, but somehow his squadron managed to sink every British vessel except for Nelson’s Rose! The Royal Navy has suffered a pyrrhic victory, my navy upkeep costs have gone down by more than 1,000 gold, and what remains of the Atlantic Squadron flees south to join up with the Mediterranean Squadron next turn.
Parts of the French Empire are sold off, ready for them to be retaken in alphabetical order with the rest of Europe.
With those naval manoeuvres finished I start haggling with other nations to remove eleven French regions that are stopping me from starting my alphabetical challenge. I sell each region to a different ruler, to get as much cash from the sale and to stop any one nation becoming too powerful. I try to give territory that is towards the end of the alphabet to my allies, and those towards the start to my enemies, to prevent having to backstab my friends until I’m already forced to destroy them anyway.
While cash is important I also barter for as many technologies as I can: one technology can take 7 turns to research, gaining them now will pay dividends in growing my economy and strengthening my armed forces.
The main achievement of these region swaps, apart from losing all my income and making me only one region away from defeat, is completely changing the United Kingdom’s foreign policy: by letting George III have both a personal and political union with Hannover I convince the British Empire to abandon all of its allies, and instead join the side of its centuries-old nemesis. That recent battle in Biscay didn’t seem to matter! Along with becoming friends with Prussia I now feel less worried that Paris might be immediately marched on, though it’s hard to tell how long these new alliances will last.
The first unedited screenshot of the game. France is exempt from taxes, to help pretend it doesn’t exist, which doesn’t help the Empire’s negative income.
After all those region swaps I now only control France, as mentioned before I can’t remove this territory without automatically losing the game. So to try not to benefit from being forced to keep France I’ve set myself the rule that I cannot build anything there, cannot research there, cannot recruit any troops from Paris, and the region is exempt from taxes. I keep a company of Grenadiers à Cheval and two artillery batteries to defend the capital, together they cost 546 gold a turn in upkeep so Paris is losing me money!
Right, the game is now set up to start my challenge of conquering Europe in alphabetical order (sort of, ignore France). Which region do I need to capture first?
Alsace-Lorraine. Only just traded to the Austrian Empire, it is surrounded by French armies including one teleported from Hannover.
This is Alsace-Lorraine. Two images ago it became Austrian, in exchange for 5,530 gold and two technologies that would have taken me 14 turns to research. Unfortunately for Austria the region is surrounded by the bulk of the French Imperial Army, so the question isn’t how will I immediately conquer Alsace-Lorraine but can I do so without losing a single soldier?
The full might of the Imperial Army is amassed against Strasbourg, defended by a small number of Austrian infantrymen and some armed civilians.
Marshals Ney, Murat, and Bernadotte link up to immediately attack Strasbourg together. The full stack of units is supported by further armies commanded by Napoleon and Marshal Davot. Protecting the city is just five companies of Austrian line infantry, supported by hastily-armed citizens.
Alsace-Lorraine is captured, denting the expected deficit and allowing resources to be spent on improving the French military and economy.
It would be insanity to resist such an attack so the small Austrian infantry detachment wisely surrenders without a fight. Unfortunately, yet again, there is no battle to see here!
I choose to peacefully occupy Strasbourg and immediately start the construction of basic roads, a cannon factory, a musket manufactory, and an iron mine, plus a cantonment to replace the local tax office. Until that’s all built I can’t actually recruit any more soldiers, cavalry, or artillery (as I’m ignoring France existing). So avoiding a battle is boring but the troops I have are priceless!
The people of Alsace-Lorraine are unhappy under French rule, despite being Austrian for less time than it takes to read this sentence. Luckily I need to keep a large garrison here anyway to protect against my enemies to the east, and I also lower taxes a little to keep the region’s population and wealth growing, so the newly conquered population should be content for now.
OK, so far this challenge seems ridiculously easy, I captured my first region immediately without a single casualty. What’s next?
Aquitaine. Until very recently French, traded away to the Russian Empire.
This is Aquitaine. Like Alsace-Lorraine it was part of the French Empire but quickly traded away, this time to Russia, and like Strasbourg an enemy force has magically popped into existence to guard the region’s capital.
Unlike last time though there are no doom stacks waiting, ready to steamroll the city. What I do have is a random collection of units which originally guarded Bordeaux, Rennes, and Toulouse. A force of two companies of Chasseurs à Cheval (light cavalry) and two cohorts of the local National Guard is led by Captain Alexandre de Rosée, who waits for a company of Chevau-légers Lanciers (lancer cavalry) and another cohort of militia to reinforce him from Bretagne. Combined, this ragtag group of misfits should be enough to win against six battalions of Russian infantry squatting in Bordeaux. So attacking the city will need to wait until next turn, but before we move to Late January 1805 I have a few chores to do…
The French Empire is leaps and bounds ahead of every other nation in research, but this has ground to a halt until a college can be acquired.
One task is to think about researching new technologies. Most nations begin with all technologies locked, some are lucky to have already researched one or two when the game starts. France is luckiest of all with three technologies already researched: Army Corps Organisation, Conscription, and Division of Labour). Thanks to those earlier region trades the French now also understand Classical Economics), Fire and Advance), Improved Coppering), National Debt), and Public Schooling.
Those technologies provide various small economic and military bonuses which will take any other nation at least 50 turns to research, so I’m at a significant advantage on turn 1. However with my self-imposed rule of ignoring the existence of France I cannot use Orléans to start researching any new technologies, instead I send my two gentlemen east towards the first region which will provide a college I can use. It will take more than 10 turns for François-René de Chateaubriand and Jean Rapp to reach their destination, in the meantime my enemies will have unlocked a new technology each, and I have to hope the college they’re travelling to will be controlled by the French Empire by the time they arrive! Charles-Louis Schulmeister, French spy extraordinaire, joins them on the journey.
The French Council of State sees the appointment of a Keeper of the Seals, and new trade deals dent an expected deficit.
One other job to do before ending the first turn is to review who is running things. My starting ministers all have decent stats except for 3 star Keeper of the Seals Claude Ambroise Régnier. I replace him with a string of candidates until one, Oliver Molyneux, arrives with the Stallholder trait which give him a total of 4 management stars. That one extra star means the cost of repressing unrest in my regions is 3% cheaper, and that repression now has a +1 bonus. Small benefits like that could make or break my game in the long run!
Selling off all my regions severed all my trade routes. I re-establish all of them except the one with Spain, as I no longer have a sea or land connection with the Iberia Peninsula. Instead I create a trade agreement with the Electorate of Hesse-Kassel, worth 300 less gold than the Spanish agreement. Overall my trade income has dropped by 1,100 gold since I started this game, but at least I’m now only going to lose 2,880 in gold per turn!
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That's the draft of this first chapter for now, this will be taken down when I start posting chapters on the Total War subreddit.

Scandale en Espagne. Une maison d'édition a publié un livre à colorier qui permet aux enfants de « démêler des pénis » afin d'aider l'un des personnages (qui a clairement l'air d'un petit enfant) à découvrir qui a des relations sexuelles avec lui. Après avoir été dénoncée, la maison d'édition affirme maintenant que c'était une erreur et que le livre a été mal classifié. La question logique est: ça aurait dû être quoi la "bonne" classification d'un tel livre? Porno à colorier pour adultes? Ça fait 0 sens.
Voici la traduction de l'activité à colorier :
Activité 6 : Enchevêtrement de pénis ! Quelqu'un fait du sexe anal consenti avec le jeune Barthélemy, mais oh non ! les pénis se sont entremêlés les uns aux autres... Peux-tu aider Barthélemy à découvrir qui est-ce qui l'explore par derrière ?
En y regardant de plus près, on découvre que c'est le personnage 5 (qui a AUSSI l'air d'un enfant) qui pénètre analement le jeune Barthélemy.
L'auteur Edu Galán, pour sa part, qui a intitulé son livre "El niño Jesús no odia a los mariquitas" ("Le petit Jésus ne déteste pas les fifis"), nie complètement qu'il a écrit ça pour les enfants, mais prétend plutôt que c'était pour "combattre l'homophobie".
C'est en dessinant des enfants nus qui font du sexe anal qu'on reussit à combattre l'homophobie dans la société? Drôle de façon de faire avancer la cause LGBT... 🫠 Pour rappel, l'Espagne est l'un des pays les plus wokes et gauchistes d'Europe.
https://twitter.com/againstgrmrs/status/1791589527896887663?t=41MAeWIxq2rusf-IarBBvQ&s=19