I have a friend who is incredibly intelligent but i guess to use the appropriate terms I'll say he is perfectly intellectually "abled". But he has Cerebral Palsy so cannot drive or use fine motor skills and cannot walk far distance so he is vulnerable out in public if unaccompanied. As a result, protective work (factory line work basically) is not an option and he would not even be interested or stimulated by it.
Problem is due to family issues and finances he never completed high school. He is younger than 30. What the hell is out there for him??? He can edit videos and pics, types well with predictive text and he has a knack for politics and sociology... but that counts for nothing right now.
We tried contacting the Western Cape CP association and the disability association and network and seems like they only have a pipeline for protective work applicants... why are there not even support groups or online support groups that are South Africa-relevant??
sorry for rant but being friends with him has opened my eyes even more to how ableist this society is.

it’s about an ex. didn’t ever communicate what bothered her and would always make excuses when asked to meet. she blindsided me and I haven’t figured out what went wrong 10 months post break-up. she most likely checked out of it much earlier hence the excuses? sounds cliché, but left me at my worst, literal rock bottom and never bothered to send a sorry or take care text. It has been in my head all this time.
She’d get really flattered by compliments from this guy friend of hers ‘S’ who she was in high school(12) with (i was a +2 pass out then). she’d talk about him a lot with me too and i thought they were just friends it didn’t occur to me that she might like him, until she said she “predicted” he liked her. she started being distant from me. that guy wrote a long ass paragraph as a parting message on their last day .
some weeks after we parted she posted a series of picture wirh that guy(don’t know when the pictures were from) in her alternate instagram. it was a farewell post, he was headed to US for his undergrad prolly. she had a bunch of hearts, and lungs, and hand heart emojis that she’d never used to anyone else. she’d use the 🫶 often but never those. that post sent me deep into a spiral which has struck me till date.
i’ve always wanted to believe that they had no such thing and were just friends but the way she got distant and he came into picture tells a different story. and this has fucked my mind till date. i assume i’d rather be in peace if i knew it for sure they were a thing already instead.
she had the time of her life touring while i could barely lift myself. i feel so pathetic of the state i was in and cry to it till date.
Reconnected with her a month and half back hoping for a closure (and an apology for ending it abruptly) but got a “i’m speechless”, invited her to a ceremony hoping we could be friends but she couldn’t come. would only reply for the sake of reply when texted. can’t really unfollow her again since i’ve already done it multiple times but seeing her social media activity(likes on reels) is a daily reminder that she’ll never be mine anymore. we’re both in distant colleges, she’s an year younger. can’t stop reminiscing about the good times we had and i know for sure that i’ll never bond that well with anyone.
i’m so confused all the time, always switching from being content with it, to raged, depressed, to regretting reconnecting with her and being vulnerable time and again. it’s as if i’ve put myself on a lower hand situation by acting on all these impulses instead of fucking sticking to No Contact.
I still really love her but hate her at the same time. She has no idea how much I went through. I’m also vengeful. It also feels over for me in all possible ways because I couldn’t ever find out on what grounds she broke up with me. I feel helpless and heavily betrayed although i’ve made a lot of progress physically, mentally and emotionally. It feels as if all this progress is a waste, because she’ll never look back and has already moved on (prolly is with that guy i don’t fucking know)
could it be her friends influence? can say that she wasn’t very fond of me in front of her friends.
sorry for mentioning details that might seem petty. i’m definitely not at peace, else i wouldn’t be posting this either. please be kind, all i want is insights on what might’ve happened and help me move on. it’s not getting any better for me. she’s 18 and i’m 19 for the age group reference.

-Disclaimer: This is an examination of Dottore being a complex morally grey villain that wasn't just born 100% evil, it's NOT a case that he's a good boy.-
I'll assume Zandik is Dottore since it's very likely (plus, someone tried to name their Wanderer that but it didn't work.)
Let's start with the oldest piece of lore:
-- Doctor's Pinion reveals a tragic past with unknown reasons for persecution --
When Pierro first tried to recruit Zandik / Dottore, he responded:

"Will you treat me like the Akademiya did? Will you call me a monster, a madman?" "Or will you treat me as my hometown did, and chase me away with pitchforks and clubs...?"

Some people assume the persecution was because of his experiments but it's important to note that the fact is we don't know what happened so there's a chance it wasn't something evil. That he could be chased away by "pitchforks and clubs" indicates he was weak at that point and couldn't do anything to stop it.
He also expresses a desire to merge humans with machines.

"With or without a Vision, and irrespective of their physique or combat skills,"Enhanced humans" would surely display strength far beyond the average."

This shows a desire to give power to the weak (likely including himself), even if they lack visions. Which isn't inherently a bad thing, it's just against the Akademiya's teachings. This applies even to Scaramouche, whose power had been locked by Raiden and he unlocked it.
-- Mysterious moral convictions --
Although a lot of the fandom accuses him of having no ethics or morals at all, there are several hints that this isn't the case.
He got mad at Scaramouche when told: "you only care about your crazy experiments" and told Nahida he has "his own convictions, we just don't share them" which were both conveniently not further explained. There is also the Jeht quest incident but i'll discuss it later on.
-- Eleazar hospital notes --
To briefly summarize the notes, he cured a patient using another dead patient's remains. His treatment was harsh but successful. These notes read like a Dr. House script, Dottore not giving a crap about the patient's religious beliefs included.
Abbas had a terrible ending because he had developed insanity and ran away. Zandik/ Dottore left a note warning not to let him go but it seems the staff didn't listen.
These notes align with how plague doctors were misunderstood and feared in real life. This motif was incorporated into his video game iteration, replacing the joker / clown persona.
Some people interpreted these notes as "Dottore murders and mutilates people that are alive for experiments" but there's no indication of that.
-- Aranara experiment notes --
These are the worst by far. It's unclear if the "subjects" were people with Eleazar or healthy people exposed to the withering for tests. It has to be pointed out that it seems the actions were done by his subordinates since it's likely Dottore reprimanding them at the end:

"This is a waste of resources. It is advisable to watch over the subjects' mental state in the next experiment and avoid exposing them to extreme environments... Lab Lead on duty: ████"

Yes, this sounds bad but it's proof he isn't a sadist that enjoys watching pain.
It also means he is higher in a moral standpoint than characters like Jack Horner. These type of characters don't care or enjoy deaths with the pretext of "we can always get more lackeys."
-- During the Jeht quest --
Froderock (a subordinate of Dottore) wants to capture an eremite. It is stated he is acting on his own and that Dottore gave an order not to kidnap eremites.
A note by another Fatui member states that Froderock is going to get killed for going against the order. We can theorize that the Harbinger himself would kill him. There's also a line about "following military regulations" which means his subordinates operate under a code and can't just kidnap people for experiments for the lols.

Fatui Negotiator: Professor Froderock was looking for live specimens in the desert — he always defied The Doctor's orders... That's just pure jealousy, if you ask me
...I urge you to consider, Captain Zoya, that if we are able to complete this research work in the desert, perhaps our entire expeditionary force may receive the favor of our great Harbinger... (This line has been crossed out using a red pen, and a line in red has been added: "How about you consider military regulations? Or perhaps you would like to consider how long you have left to live?")

A similar thing happened with Arlecchino in the Fortune Slip quest in Inazuma. Subordinates of her were acting on their own by following the previous Knave's teachings to make some orphans for the House.
-- *Time of Insight Artifact * --
It mentions a "mad scientist expelled by the akademia" and the text under it seems to be Dottore speaking.
The last part says:

"Those sellswords (Eremites) once did much for me. I trust they will not disappoint this time, either."

Combining Jeht quest with this makes it seem that eremites helped Dottore in some way and he is fond enough of them to slaughter a subordinate that brings them harm.
The following text seems to be Dottore's reason to want to capture Aranaras:

"The dream had to be captured — along with the inhabitants of the forest who could control dreams, To remind that friend once again of one's own form and the memories that were shared.
If the organ that governs memory has taken too much damage and cannot be healed, Then bring another old friend and dwell in dreams of the past together, Play in a small tree house, and explore the limitless depth of the jungle. Yes, that would be nice as well. For in dreams, everyone has a chance to start over."

I couldn't find more info about this "friend". It seems to be someone who suffered the effects of erosion or death, or an aranara that lost their memory.
-- Al Haitham's SQ --
Alhaitham: (To Siraj / the villain, after praising his intelligence)

"You would never let a test subject escape. Mistakes like that are beneath you, and you also won't leave any mistake without a resolution."

This is relevant because we know Dottore is canonically smarter than Siraj yet he didn't hunt down Collei (Barnabas is the one that traumatized and wanted to kill her), Abbas or Scara. It's a known thing there's a Fatui code that traitors and deserters are executed to avoid spilling secrets. Dottore leaves even Scara alone, you may argue that he was lazy but suspiciously Childe, who during Labyrinth Warriors was chasing Scara, soon appeared in Inazuma in a photo taking event, leaving for Snezhnaya, after Scara lost his gnosis.
It was never explained why Childe was chasing him to take away the Gnosis yet suddenly Scara appeared with Dottore without Childe. This is suspicious because Childe loves to fight, to the point he wanted to fight Arle while recovering on her SQ. He didn't even show up to finish off Scaramouche at the end.
To play Devil's advocate, it could also be Scaramouche is a part of some unknown plan too and nothing to do with mercy.
-- Dottore's speech to Niwa --
Taking into account Nahida's story that says: "the monster found solace in the kitten", the black bird referring to himself as "a monstrosity yet they are too foolish to see it" and Dottore's lines to Pierro:

"Will you call me a monster, a madman?"

Dottore sees himself as an inhuman monster. It puts into question if the following line wasn't just about Scaramouche and is actually a metaphor of Dottore speaking about his past:

"Escher: Even without you, that pure, innocent puppet would only end up being used by someone else instead. What other reason would a human have for befriending one who is not of our kind?"

Although Dottore refers to himself as "human", the two lines I quoted previously contradict this. Mentally he sees himself as not human (to the point of finding solace in a living puppet), even though his words say otherwise. There is also a chance this Dottore was no longer human at all, the Nahida story shows the monster bird had tiny floating birds around, even though he hadn't studied Scaramouche to create the segments.
There is also a stark contrast between Dottore joining the Fatui expresing concern over been rejected again yet he is embracing his monster persona in the Niwa scene.

"Escher: Think of me as a monster or a demon, if you wish... "

It could be a sign of a person with trauma who steered into an evil path. Kept getting called a monster until he accepted it.
There could be many reasons for the change, besides being used, -incoming pure speculation- he could have experimented on himself to have less emotions or taking this quote into account: "everyone has a chance to start over in dreams" he believes he can commit atrocities and it won't matter because he plans to do a reset somehow.

" The Doctor: Jester, I have completed the task you gave me. Creating a gap and infiltrating Inazuma's inner workings... Heh, what fun it was. The Doctor: I'd like to introduce a puppet to you. If he proves useful, let's make him our newest comrade. And if not... let's turn him to dust."

The bold part is more clues of either future Scara related scheming or Dottore's words are an act, mercy was shown when he became useless. It also seems that Pierro stirred him into a darker path.
I wouldn't say it's confirmation that Pierro is pure evil because we barely know anything about him, there's a chance it was for some greater good since that's a trend with the Harbingers.
-- Possible Sohreh murder --
At first glance, it seems way too obvious that Zandik did it, it's like watching a murder mystery movie and the first suspect is a red herring.
Since people frequently incorrectly state: "Dottore murdered a girl while they were having a picnic" like a fact, I'm going to make a deep dive into these notes:
First there is no clear motive for him killing Sohreh. (Niwa had a purpose.)

attack of Rishboland Tigers. In need of first aid..."

The bold part implies she was still alive while Zandik was dealing with the Ruin Guard. The broken bone didn't happen during the picnic while he was alone with her. She was declared dead and buried after the attack, she could have been killed during it while everyone was distracted.
-Does the Akademiya think that Zandik is responsible?-
There is a message board that says he was investigated over her murder.
The lack of motive combined with Zandik only receiving negative consequences from saving the team makes me think he was framed and acted on impulse / emotion when saving them or he turned it on to spook the tigers and it accidentally killed her.
Why? He could have just ran away and let everyone die to not reveal he was hiding ruin guard knowledge. Which he expressed on the notes that he didn't want the rest to know:

"I am going to take them (Ruin guards) apart, and record the size and shape one by one...
...But first of all, this secret must not be revealed to the other team members..."
...Thank goodness, Zandik reacted quickly. Otherwise, the whole team would be in serious trouble..."

-Some people argue that "running away and letting everyone die would have been too suspicious so he saved them."
It's more likely he was just a weak regular human at that point in his life so it wouldn't have been too suspicious to run away / he actually risked his life to shut it down.-
The 2 burned notes both state: "Someone seems to have burnt the contents in a hurry" it could have been the person trying to frame him. One of them is a note about the Ruin Guards and has Zandik's signature, they may have wanted to steal credit of his research.
-Regarding who framed Dottore, u/Sandflow_23 commented an excellent theory
lt seems Zandik didn't care much about Sohreh's death since he proceeded to ask the team to take back the Ruinguard while she was bleeding but the Eleazar hospital notes come after this incident. Was this his first instance of curing people?
Did being unable to save someone influence him in some way? It may just be coincidental but it's worth taking note. I'm trying to look at all possibilities.
People usually see Sohreh's note as "she learned Dottore's secret so he murdered her" But something I haven't seen discussed is how there is also a chance he trusted her and decided to open up to people more. Previously he said studying Ruinguards could get him kicked out but after the following note by Sohreh, he decided to try to convince his team to take back the ruin guard:

"...Zandik was attracted by the ancient machines left behind by some civilization here...
We had a great time and decided to go on a picnic tonight..."

Finally, to play Devil's Advocate: it seems he also had another secret mission that was never explained.

"...It's a shame that documents regarding its (the giant golem's) energy supply systems have been lost, and I have far too important a mission to accomplish to afford to start from scratch. If not..."

He could have killed her because she learned that secret but it's still weird that he'd go and choke her with people focused on him speaking about Ruinguard studies.
-- Arle SQ --
Lyney said "he proposed the direction of the research " for the bottled flames. That he wants to give people "a chance to start over" was also hinted in Time of Insight artifact. I won't be surprised if it turns out most of the injured kids he took from Crucabena are actually fine. The Eremites, which he didn't want his subordinates to kidnap, were also healthy, so this is another instance of him seeking to work with weak people to give them power. I'm NOT denying there's a chance he wants to use it for some other plan like burning the tree like other Redditors have proposed
Finally, there remains the question of which Dottore would be playable. I predict the original or Omega. (Knocking off the angelic new segment theory)
We don't know if the original is alive, since Raiden destroyed her physical body (and the segments were based on Scaramouche) he could be dead BUT giving a kill switch to Omega may have a deeper meaning. Like those fragments of his mind from dead segments will re-materialize in an empty segment or object his soul is bound to or go back to Omega and change his personality, the former sounds like FullMetal Alchemist but a Remuria quest confirms this is a thing in Genshin.
Finally done, sorry if this is ridiculously long but I wanted to provide quotes to sustain the arguments, especially since some people hate him so much based on mostly misinformation.

Welcome prospective citizen of the stars!

Use my code STAR-F3V9-NVLK when signing up (or click this link: https://robertsspaceindustries.com/enlist?referral=STAR-F3V9-NVLK ) to nab an extra 5,000 of the game's currency UEC when the game is eventually finished (as well as after wipes, like the most recent one which happened for 3.18). Note that you cannot add a code after creating your account!
Bonus? What bonus?!
The bonus stuff happens once you have spent at least USD40 in the pledge store; for example, in case there is a referral bonus going on when you go past that USD40 spend, using my code here would also let you get in on that if you pass that threshold during that period. Doing it any other time will still land you that 5,000 UEC, but it's usually a neat bonus and it'd be a shame to miss out on it :)
The most recent bonus ended on the 2nd of May, so there may well be a bit of a wait until the next one. There is usually one during the two large events each year, including Invictus, however since the most recent one was, well, so recent, there is not one for Invictus this year. You can always create an account with my code, and give me a poke here to send you a note when it's on (i do this for free-fly events as well, read on for that).
Free Fly Time
But! Don't spend until you're ready. Invictus Launch Week (or fortnight as it happens) is currently happening, which means the game is fully and entirely free to try out until the 29th of May. The full details are over on the ILW mini site, but the short of the long is: If you are wanting to try out the game, always do that first, before paying. It also shows the game at its roughest (because of the influx of new people), so if you can deal with how the game runs then, you'll be ok when it runs better. Importantly, until you're pretty sure you want to get in, don't spend.
To try out the game (why you're here), all you need to do is sign up for an account, and then download the client, log in, download the game itself, and then launch it. No codes or anything, just that. Click here to use my code https://robertsspaceindustries.com/enlist?referral=STAR-F3V9-NVLK and then just follow the instructions on the site to get the client, and don't sleep on the little helpful things in the client - while the game is downloading, check out the guides and such there, perhaps even find youself an actual guide, which is other players who are volunteering to show new people around.
Invictus Launch Week is a now two week long celebration of all the military focused ships in the game (nominally at least), and not only will get have an Avenger Titan (the wonderful space penguin) to fly around with for the duration of the event, but you can get a free short-term rental of a whole pile of ships, by going to the Bevic Convention Center in Area 18 on the planet of ArcCorp in game and pick from any of the ships that are on the daily list, which then will become just as though it was your own ship, for 48 hours. If you need guidance, just ask in global chat in game, someone should be able to help you out (though remember, many will be new, just like yourself, be patient and don't be that gamer). The schedule of what ships are available when can be found here, along with links to more information on the whole event itself, including more specific details on how to get there, and how to rent things and so on: https://robertsspaceindustries.com/comm-link/transmission/19914-Invictus-Launch-Week-2954-Schedule
A fun little detail is, too, that if you attend the convention in-game at least three different days (that is, as the game counts it - they roll over 1600 UTC, so keep that in mind), you will get both a badge over on Spectrum (CIG's bespoke communications platform, with both forums and chat), and a Medivac Beacon, which is a hand gadget that you can use for, well, making yourself known as either in need of or being a supplier of medical assistance when out and about.
What Do?
If you do decide to pledge now, however: As a new player, you will likely want to hop on and actually do the tutorial that has (finally) been added. It's a fairly short one, but it'll get you familiar with the basics of the game (on-foot navigation, interaction, flight controls, that sort of stuff), and you even get a set of armour and a bit of cash at the end of it. In short, simple, but worth your time. You can also use the Guide system, which you can find over on Spectrum once you've signed up: https://robertsspaceindustries.com/spectrum/guide - sometimes there's little bonuses for doing that as well, but it's always useful, as it's a real person, who plays the game, who is there to help you work out how to do things in the game.
For the moment, the servers seem to be pretty happy, but as the game is still in development, there's going to be bugs, sometimes light, sometimes extreme. So while the general gameplay is decently smooth, of course the old "it's an alpha" always applies, and you should always treat this game as one to make sure your expectations are at the correct level for jankiness. That said, you just might be able to have some outright gameplay type fun out in the big sandbox that is out little star system of Stanton.
In addition to Invictus Launch Week itself (and DefenseCon, the Drake "we are not down with the UEE" counterpart to ILW - lore stuff ;) ), the game is also currently playing host to a huge new chain of missions, which can arguably be done solo (according to some), but which are outright amazing with other people. There's even permanent bonus gifts for you if you complete the chain! I won't go into it too deeply here, but the page here has all the information you need to take part, and as you will see, it's quite a lot: https://robertsspaceindustries.com/comm-link/transmission/19753-Overdrive-Initiative
What Game Package To Get
Most importantly, when picking what to get: Anything called a "starter pack" will get you in the game, and spending more doesn't equal a better ship. Specifically, don't get something called a Standalone Ship, as that will not include game access. It says as much on the store, but there is a lot of text, so it bears pointing out here.
Right now, one of the two largest sales of the year is going on, which means there is a sale on two specific starter packs as well, and either of the two will do you very well as a starter: The Aurora MR Invictus Starter Pack is 10% off the usual price, and the Avenger Titan Invictus Starter Pack is a full 25% off, which lands it as an absolutely amazing value for the cash. Both of these come with a nifty paint as well, as well as a bit of extra starting cash, and longer insurance than the default (though do note, insurance currently doesn't matter, that's going to be more a thing later on, though CIG's word on the topic is also that you'd never completely lose anything you spent cash money on).
Either of the two will do you just fine, but the Titan is one of the best small ships in the game, outright, and would be my recommendation in general. That one can be found here: https://robertsspaceindustries.com/pledge/Packages/Avenger-Titan-Invictus-Starter-Pack-Warbond
If you want the cheapest option to get the game, forever, the Aurora pack should be your pick. It also is genuinely not a bad ship at all, and there is essentially nothing you can't try out in the game, outside of perhaps cargo running (though even with the Titan's larger capacity of , that still would be just dipping your toes rather than actually doing it as a career). The Aurora pack can be found here: https://robertsspaceindustries.com/pledge/Packages/Aurora-MR-Invictus-Starter-Pack-Warbond
Don't forget that you can buy any ship in game, including that Titan (minus perhaps the fancy paint).
Definitely don't spend until you're ready, though - especially given it's Invictus, where you'll be able to try out a whole pile of ships, including the Titan Avenger, which will be your ship during the free-fly.
Thanks!
Thanks for you consideration, and o7 to all our new citizens from captain leinir! If you need any help, feel free to give me a poke here, and i'll be happy to try and help you (we can even do the guide thing) - in particular the basics of the game and its quirks, or if you need help working out which starter pack to buy in the pledge store.
So either use my code STAR-F3V9-NVLK when signing up, or just click right here to create a new account: https://robertsspaceindustries.com/enlist?referral=STAR-F3V9-NVLK

I have 40% hearing loss in my right ear. Its mostly that I can't hear speech when there is background noise at all. It just all blends into a pile of noise. My family notices it mostly when in the car, they all have to scream around me. I have been to a few ENTs that all agree the problem exists but they can't quite pinpoint the exact cause. They finally all agreed that hearing aids were the best move right now so I bought a pair and got them yesterday. I think the fitting went well and all that but I really didn't know what to expect or what to look out for and I have to say after having a few hours with them, if this is what hearing is supposed to be then I really don't want any part of it.
They are super tinny and they pick up every single noise. There is so much static. I don't want to be able to hear my hand going into my pocket. The streaming from my phone is abysmal (galaxy s24).
I tried creating some new sound profiles but they are only marginally better if at all and they all lack any bass. Not that I want to be in a dance club but I would like to listen to a movie without everyone sounding like chipmunks. And keyboards are the absolute worst. I am at a computer all day and every key press just makes me insane. I've read here that the closed domes can help a lot, is there something else I should be looking at as well?
I think what is the most frustrating is the overall inconvenience of the things. Ideally I would just pop them in and out as needed like a set of earbuds. I don't always need them and I only need it in my right ear which doesn't sit well with wearing glasses. I am also having a difficult time getting them in and out but I think I could learn to get better at that. I see that jabra has some hearing aid type earbuds but they only work with iphone and I will never own an iphone otherwise I would try them. I can't find anything else that seems legit and not some amazon junk.
Is this just how it is now? Do I need to just suck it up and get used to it? I called costco and am trying to get back in for a follow up but I typically don't hear back from them for at least a day or two.

Wanted a few opinions on this situation: moved out of a rental at the end of march and did a walkthrough where the landlord said everything looked great and we (my husband and I) were the best tenants he'd ever had. We only lived there 11 months (left 1 month early due to military orders). At the walkthrough, he said 'he didn't have the funds to return our security deposit because he thought he would have found a new tenant by then and would have given us their security deposit. We gave him nearly double the notice required to terminate a lease due to military orders. He said he had 30 days to get it to us. We moved away out of state.
31 days after we move out we receive a horrible letter accusing us of all sorts of things and saying we aren't allowed to break the lease so he's keeping the deposit. Unless he never hears of this again, he'll be charging us for various things (one is a retroactive increase in rent). The only thing fathomable that could actually be charged to us is he is claiming water damage from a wall ac unit and a months rent for not being able to rent the home due to repairs. The home was listed for rent and the listing updated every few days during the month it wasn't rented. He lowered the rent and the listing has been down now for about a week so I doubt he did any repairs but just couldn't find a tenant. 100% we had absolutely no knowledge of a leak from the ac unit. He is claiming the ac, wall, door, doorframe, and front porch light are all not repairable. The ac was above what should have been the front door but he lived in the garage of this house so we were basically not allowed in the front yard and used the back door as our front door and exited to the street behind the street this house was actually on. He put large plants and other of his items on the porch essentially blocking us from coming out as well. It's a very long story regarding our backwards house but essentially we did not use the front door at all, under 10 times in that year. We did clean the filter for all of the acs monthly (I have extremely severe asthma) and never noticed any water issues. There was no water on the floor or dripping. I have a picture from the day we moved out and in the picture there is no visible water damage. The ac was working on the day we moved out.
Before we moved in, he told us he was going to replace all 4 wall units. That didn't happen and he told us he was going to do it while we lived there and that didn't happen. All of the acs were horrible and we used to make passing remarks of how hot it was to the landlord. He eventually said he's not replacing them until the one above the door stops working completely. I also have texts from him saying that particular ac can't be turned down past 76 or it will break. He literally lived right below it and heard it running (it was on 76). Basically, I am certain there were problems with that ac and he was aware of it but I was not aware at all that it was causing water damage, if it actually was. I wish I had known because I would have insisted he replace it. I'm thinking he either did actually get around to replacing it and discovered it or is making it up.
I have contacted a lawyer to send him a demand letter but my husband is now worried about what if he does actually try to sue us? What if he decides to rip out the whole wall and sue us for tens of thousands? Doesn't he need to prove we were aware of this water damage? In his letter he stated he asked for entry into the house each month to service the ac but we denied him and broke the ac by never cleaning the filter in 12 months. He never asked us once to service the ac and entered the house on several other occasions, once to fix a plumbing issue and once to replace the dishwasher. Plus a few other times we invited him in. There is no clause in our lease saying anything regarding reporting damages, water damages, or we are responsible for maintaining the ac. My parents also came to stay with me for nearly 2 months while my husband was away and they are willing to write a statement that they never saw any water damage whatsoever. My husband doesn't want to send the demand letter at all because the letter we received we full of just bizarre untrue statements and he feels like he will make up a huge lawsuit. Even appearing for a lawsuit would cost us a ton in travel so we really don't want to get involved with that. I do want my deposit back but I feel like this water damage thing is totally made up or can't reasonably be blamed on us?

My mother has over 10+ autoimmune diseases and she's always sick and in pain but she still gets through. A few months ago, she suggested that I get a summer job because there will be a car available for me at the house (I just graduated undergrad and I'm starting my master's in the fall) and so I decided to start searching for a job because I don't want to be a bum all summer like I have been my entire life. Every single summer I fall into a depressive episode, don't wake up at good times, barely eat, don't work out, never leave the house, etc. But this summer I wanted something different. So after getting the inspiration to apply for jobs, I scored 3 different ones. I decided not to do the first one because I'd be working 24/7 (literally) and it wouldn't be great for my mental health and the pay sucks. I got a second job offer where I would be out in western America for 3-4 weeks, then I'd be in my home state about two hours ish away for another 4-5 weeks. After wanting to do the second job, I told my mom about it and she suddenly said I don't need to work and that she doesn't want me to go and that it wouldn't help my career. I was so confused because getting a job in the first place was all her idea. Then I got another job offer that was significantly closer to home, would help with my career, and I could stay home for the summer and I thought it would be great because I could use the car, but then she said she's not willing to let me use the family car for a job. Then, when I started considering staying, I had a few requests, (1) that I could use the family car to go to the gym and that I would pay for the membership and gas, and (2) that I can use the kitchen appliances to make my own food (they're new and my parents don't allow me to use the stove for anything and only they're allowed to make food but they work remotely in their offices all day so I don't really have time to get either of them to make me food. I learned this from staying home for a few weeks this winter when we got the new appliances). So after requesting those two things, she said no to both and that I should cope with what we have at home. So then I decided I was going to take the job out west because I need to stay on this upwards slope I'm going with my mental, physical, and emotional health.
This weekend, it was my graduation and a week or so before my mother said she didn't want to go and that she wanted to go on a trip because her anniversary is later in the week of my graduation and that I was basically being selfish for not choosing to take a trip for my graduation. Some context, we were planning on going on a trip to Europe for years but then a year or so ago my mother said it wasn't going to happen and so when she asked if I wanted to go to my undergraduate graduation or go on a trip I chose my graduation because I never got a real high school graduation because I graduated in 2020 during the pandemic. So, this past week, she was upset with me about this and she had gotten sicker and so I told her not to come because (1) she doesn't want to come and (2) she's sick, but she decided to come anyways and I am very grateful she did. Fast forward to today, my mother texted me saying that she's not doing well and she wants me to stay home this summer and not do the jobs I have lined up so she can get a break (from worrying about me and financially, even though she said she'd not paying a dime to get me to my job or to help me with my job). She's been coughing a lot and I think it's because she has a respiratory infection from a medication she started taking that could cause a side effect of a respiratory infection but when she went to the doctors they couldn't determine what was wrong with her.
I'm trying to think of I'm leaving anything out... Well for one, I'll be home for the next 2 weeks and then I'm going out to the job out west for 3-4 weeks and then I'm coming back to our home state to work the second part of the job but I won't be living at home. Also, I can't just drop out of the job because (1) I signed a contract, and (2) the company paid for my flights out west and back and the tickets are non refundable and I may want to work with this company next summer.
All in all, I don't know what to do. I know she's not doing well but if she dies I will truly regret it, and if I don't do this job I will regret it, probably fall into a depressive episode, will lose weight (which has been an issue and I'm finally a healthy weight now), and I won't be able to go anywhere because I'm not allowed to drive the car except to run errands for my parents. Additionally, my sibling just graduated grad school and my mother is wanting them to come home too even though they're in the process of starting their life in another state as well... My sibling coming back to our home state is a whole 'nother story with countless issues that I don't want to get into.
All in all, what should I do? I don't think she's going to die, but I don't want her to get sicker worrying about me. But I need the freedom to workout, work a job to be productive, to not fall into another depressive episode, and to experience life in a state I've been wanting to go to ever since I was a kid. But I also do care about my mother and she's worked so hard to provide for me and my sibling and I don't want to be selfish. But for how long will I be stuck at home during the summer, not having any freedom, before I become a real adult and have to live my own life? I just want to experience things while I'm still young but I also don't want to lose my mother. I may be overreacting with how bad her health is but she never asks me to stay home, but I've always been home for the summer.
Any advice?

Ever-shifting Short Seller Claims

The short sellers attacking RILY in 2023-2024 have been relentless (currently 57% of float sold short per FinViz), with an ever-shifting list of wild accusations.
It's sickening to watch them compile a never-ending list of baseless wild theories and claims to support their short positions, which are demonstrably false. But as each is proved false, they pivot to new claims, and/or change the goalposts.
The sheer volume of shifting claims makes it hard to track how despotic they are with their "platform," and how many falsehoods they've spun. Even for someone who watched it in real-time, for almost a year

Compiled & Debunked

Sunlight kills vampires. To that end, I've compiled a list of (i) claimants (ii) claims (iii) reality (iv) definitive source proving reality.

Why Did They Target RILY?

One of the most vocal short sellers, Nate Koppikar (who also introduced Marc Cohodes to the "opportunity") has a fund Orso Partners. Based on their SEC registration document, this is their investment thesis:
"The Account’s investment objectives are to achieve capital appreciation primarily by identifying and selling short marketable equity securities of underfollowed and complex companies with misleading or corrective disclosures through a research-intensive process. The Account employs a short-biased investment strategy with an emphasis on primarily small to mid-cap companies that are underfollowed and complex (i.e., companies with market capitalizations of less than $5 billion which the market does not yet have a wellformed bull and/or bear perspective)."
RILY fits their description. The icing on the cake was the relatively large market cap, and the relatively small float. Given extremely high insider ownership (32.9% of shares per the proxy), and limitations on when and how insiders can trade, the "free float" of the stock (i.e., the shares that regularly trade) is very small for the size of the company. Moreover, the setup would only get better - given insiders have consistently used their free cash to buy additional shares hand-over-fist (further reducing the float).
That meant, with relatively small amounts of capital, the short sellers could shove around the stock price. That ability to move price opens another profit avenue - taking large derivative positions (buying puts, and selling calls), and shoving the price (or allowing it to drift up) to profit all along the way. It looked so good, the stock has been the highest-shorted on the US indices for several months. Even after the release of the 10-K, shares remain "hard to borrow" with elevated borrow fees.

Debunked Claims

The claims made by vocal short sellers could fill a book. Most were outrageous and fanciful when they were proposed. Virtually all have objectively debunked. This isn't a comprehensive list, as their claims are too numerous and varied. But it paints an illuminating picture.
With a track record this poor, one would expect the short sellers to exit - rather than continuing to spin new narratives. Perhaps the continued attacks are their exit strategy to avoid bankruptcy... Well, #Bullish.
With the highest short interest of all US stocks (albeit likely decreased from the highs of ~76% of the float), I think this is more than ripe for a return to fair value - or well above, if a short squeeze occurs.
Note: this sub disallows image posts. There is a similar post in the RILYStock sub which contains virtually all source images for the claim in the comments (too many images to embed in the post). The source images are illuminating.
Note that the list below deliberately excludes three types of posts/claims from the short sellers:
A) Juvenile personal attacks and attempts to character assassinate and dox a long list of people (RILY CEO, RILY new hires, RILY clients, Marcum the auditor, Marcum's lead audit professional, any firm or individual publicly posting a bull thesis on RILY, etc.).
B) Those that make no objective claims, but simply exist as a product of malicious degeneracy (like pictures of roasted pigs in ovens labeled Bryant Riley the CEO, photoshopped pictures of the CEO in prison chains next to convicted felons, video of an obese woman barely able to walk being gored by a bull labeled Mrs. Riley the CEO's wife, etc.).
C) Those that are impossible for short sellers to know, and impossible to objectively verify (e.g., Marc Cohodes claiming a single RILY trader front runs the CEOs personal short trades in front of clients taking following the firm's bullish advice on those stocks, to guarantee profits).

Claimant	Claim	Reality
1) Wolfpack	Wolfpack “RILY will record investment losses of up to ~$700 million in 2023” FALSE 10-K	FALSE
2) Wolfpack	“new loan to CORZQ will work out just as badly as the last and end in default (again) before June 2023”	Repaid in fullFALSE , early, on 1/6/2024.
3) Wolfpack	“The coupon rate on RILY’s seven issues of baby bonds ranges from 5% to 6.75%, which we believe to be far too low to compensate investors for the existential risk that accompanies these securities.”	Full redemption FALSE of May 2024 came early. Far more than sufficient cash to cover debt payments.
4) Wolfpack	“According to our analysis, 4 of RILY’s largest 7 corporate borrowers with outstanding loan balances of $295.3 million are at a high risk of default, or in the case of CORZQ, is already in default.”	Core Scientific IncExela Technologies Arena Group Holdings FALSE a. . repaid early and in full ($111MM of the “risk”) b. repaid term loan in full ($55.8MM of the “risk”) c. debt retired in full ($99MM of the “risk”). Publicly disclosed in the most recent 10-K for each company (search for "Riley" in the filing)
5) Wolfpack	“RILY’s NAV is Far Below the $1.1 Billion Minimum NAV Requirement That Is Required for the Nomura Credit Agreement Putting RILY at Risk of Collapse in 2023”	is in full compliance FALSE RILY with the Nomura credit agreement. Moreover, reflecting the strength of the relationship, Nomura even granted a no-fee extension when the 10-K filing was delayed. Also see 10-K for current status.
6) Wolfpack	“Over $200 Million of the Goodwill and Intangible Assets on RILY’s Balance Sheet is Attributable to its Telecom Rollup, which is Centered on Dial-up and DSL Internet:” - criticizing them as dying businesses with no value	extremely valuableFALSE Segment is . From just 2020 to 2023, the communications segment has returned over $212.2MM in adjusted EBITDA.
7) Nate Koppikar (TheFriendlyBear) + Bill Abbate Jr. (JrAbbate), Various	RILY committed fraud with loans and closing the FRG acquisition. "The fact $RILY closed the FRG deal while hiding the Kahn loan - an all PIK defaulted loan backed by $FRG shares - is a Hall of Fame worthy act of fraud. I thought after Enron/Sarbox we couldn't have something like this happen in US markets."	FALSE A law firm led an internal investigation, and an independent external investigation both found “The review confirmed what the Company previously disclosed: that the Company and its executives, including Bryant Riley, had no involvement with, or knowledge of, any of the alleged misconduct concerning Prophecy.” “The results of the independent investigation confirmed that the Company and its executives had no involvement with, or knowledge of, any of the alleged misconduct concerning Mr. Kahn or any of his affiliates. This independent investigation was conducted subsequent to the Company's February 22, 2024 disclosure of the internal review performed with the assistance of Sullivan & Cromwell LLP as outside counsel.” Also see 10-K
8) Marc Cohodes (AlderlaneEggs), ParrotCapital, Bill Abbate Jr. (JrAbbate), Various	The 10-K will never be filed. They can't produce audited financials.	Audited 10-K FALSE was filed. Delay was due to Audit committee fulfilling its responsibilities and proactively conducting investigations (internal and external).
9) Marc Cohodes (AlderLaneEggs) + Nate Koppikar (TheFriendlyBear) + Bill Abbate Jr. (JrAbbate) + ParrotCapital	Sullivan and Cromwell knew about Massive Fraud, and did a "sham investigation"	Sullivan and Cromwell FALSE is one of the most respected law firms, in the US and worldwide. "Sullivan & Cromwell continues to lead all law firm advisers in announced and completed global deals in 2023, according to Bloomberg and LSEG. The Firm advised on global announced deals totaling more than $345 billion, representing a 12.1 percent market share, per Bloomberg, and on completed global deals totaling more than $431 billion, representing a 16.9 percent market share, per LSEG." They're not compromising themselves for a relatively small client.
10) Marc Cohodes (AlderLaneEggs), Nate Koppikar (TheFriendlyBear), Bill Abbate Jr. (JrAbbate), Parrot Capital	Marcum is enabling Massive Fraud	MarcumFALSE is a respected audit firm, and 13th largest by revenue. "Marcum LLP advanced into the Top 15 in the 2023 Vault Accounting list of top-ranked accounting firms. Marcum climbed six levels to the No. 13 ranking overall and earned a ranking of 14 in prestige. The Firm also won Top 20 rankings across all Practice Area, Quality of Life, and Diversity categories, including several new classifications added this year."
11) Marc Cohodes (AlderLaneEggs)	Nomura is enabling Massive Fraud	NomuraFALSE is a global financial services company, and the oldest brokerage firm in Japan. They operate in a highly regulated industry. They're not putting themselves on the line for a relatively small client.
12) Parrot Capital	"The list of $RILY enablers is massive: Marcum LLP, Sullivan and Cromwell, Seeking Alpha, Holbrook Holdings, $AX Axos Bank, Many, many more."	FALSE There's no global conspiracy whereby these companies - all respected law firms, auditors, banks, and media outlets - are collectively colluding to enable RILY to commit fraud. Requires only two brain cells and one functioning synapse to know there's no grand collusion cabal between these disparate companies.
13) Marc Cohodes (AlderLaneEggs), Jonathan Weil at WSJ	Franchise Group shares used to secure Kahn loan: "It is unclear whether Kahn pledged the same shares twice—to both Prophecy and B. Riley."	stated by the company UCC search FALSE As , Simple disproves this. UCC # 202302295747
14) Marc Cohodes (AlderLaneEggs)	“Bryant Riley is on the Road, telling people the ‘audit partner at Marcum left’ and that ‘I have made mistakes’ “	hit the 5yr SEC ruleFALSE Marcum audit partner was working on the audit the whole time; the original audit partner had , so he was never working on this year’s audit.
15) Marc Cohodes (AlderLaneEggs)	"So it turns out James La Rocca was Fired by MarcumLLP If nothing was wrong with prior $RILY Audits, why is he gone? This will be great in discovery of what exactly went on.	hit the 5yr SEC ruleFALSE Marcum audit partner was working on the audit the whole time; the original audit partner had , so he was never working on this year’s audit.
16) Koppikar (TheFriendlyBear)	“So Bryant Riley did disseminate MNPI back in March” in response to Cohodes claim that he told people the Marcum partner left	5 consecutive yearsFALSE Cohodes claimed Bryant Riley was telling people the Marcum auditor left. Koppikar called that disseminating MNPI. Cohodes statement was false (and thus Koppikar's derivate claim is also false). A different auditor worked on RILY, as Marcum follows the SEC rules; the lead auditor can only serve the client for . As such, Koppikar’s derivative claim of disseminating MNPI is false.
17) Koppikar (TheFriendlyBear)	“He appears to still not be familiar with the voting interest model of consolidation… why is a life science and tech partner signing an extremely complex investment company / broker dealer audit ???” i.e., auditor is unqualified	Marcum is a highly respected auditorFALSE The auditor is fully qualified. ; they don't hire unqualified people, or assign them to clients they're unqualified to audit. RILY is continuing to use Marcum as the 2024 auditor.
18) Marc Cohodes (AlderLaneEggs)	"Now that the $RILY dividend is going away, this omission is serious stuff"	reduced 24Q1FALSE The dividend did not go away. It was from $1.00/share to $0.50/share, to allow them to opportunistically allocate capital. 23Q4 and

There are too many source images for the claims above to embed in a reddit post, and this sub doesn't allow images in comments. Images can be seen on a version of this posted to a sub that discusses RILY in the comments (~55 images). All claims can be sourced on the various social media venues and websites utilized by the short sellers. Other sources include: https://wolfpackresearch.com/research/rily/ and here https://friendlybearresearch.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/RILY-Analyst-Day-Questions-12_11_13-Final.pdf and https://www.institutionalinvestor.com/article/2cpgaejc45gocvoqb1ngg/corner-office/how-b-riley-garnered-the-biggest-short-interest-of-2023 and https://www.wsj.com/finance/how-an-unremarkable-deal-became-a-big-threat-to-a-small-investment-bank-f819a169 . https://adviserinfo.sec.gov/firm/summary/304196 form ADV. This is not financial advice. All claim summarizations reflect my interpretation of the short seller claims, and should be verified against original sources, along with all counters.

I decided to make a short post about how music IS haram, as someone who’s believed it’s halal my entire life until recently.
The Hadith
The main Hadith used to source that music is haram is the following;
“Among my ummah there will certainly be people who permit zina, silk, alcohol and musical instruments…” (Narrated by al-Bukhari ta’liqan, no. 5590; narrated as mawsul by al-Tabarani and al-Bayhaqi. See al-Silsilah al-Sahihah by al-Albani, 91)
How come now in today’s world there *are* people who permit musical instruments nowadays? Just like what prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said? Indeed there are no coincidences in the Quran. One argument against this Hadith is that the prophet (peace be upon him) is referring to musical instruments accompanied by zina, silk, oand alcohol, but that’s just not true because that’s not what he said. Another argument is that it’s okay to listen to musical instruments but not playing them cause of how for example you can’t drink alcohol but you can watch someone else drink alcohol. While this argument does have merit, this next Hadith kind of disproves it:
“And of mankind is he who purchases idle talks (i.e. music) to mislead (men) from the path of Allah…” [Luqman 31:6]
It disproves the argument because it says purchasing music, not playing musical instruments.
—
Therefore, music is haram.
Now, how to quit music? Here’s a guide I wrote on another site.
ᯓ★ (step 1 - acceptance) ᯓᡣ? ! ༘⋆
first of all, you’ll need to accept that it’s haram. for so long I would specifically search for sources that say it’s halal instead of accepting the facts I naturally found. the hadiths clearly state it is and yes there is a chance it’s not, but it most likely is. you as a Muslim should take what it most likely is as your belief. this life is temporary but the afterlife will be permanent, do your best to go to jannah. take this: how come the hadith which says it’s haram was saying that there will be people who will consider musical instruments as permissible and there will be punishment for them, and musical instruments is what some people now consider as permissible? Indeed there are no coincidences in the Quran.
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ᯓ★ (step 2 - stopping) ᯓᡣ? ! ༘⋆
well, yeah, step 2 is where it begins. just.. stopping. at the beginning, just.. stop. don’t listen to music. you’ll find it easy at the beginning but then the silence might start to break you because you’re so used to having music in the background 24/7. when you’re at that point, don’t give in. just don’t. try listening to some nasheeds, nasheeds work great as a substitute atleast for me, and they are a great way I’m getting through this stage of quitting. and no, you don’t have to leave your favorite music artists, you can search for acapella versions of their songs and your likely to find some. while you won’t find every song, you can possibly upload some yourself using AI tools to extract vocals and uploading as podcasts however you may wanna look into copyright issues with that !!. acapella songs will inevitably not feel the same. you might find yourself craving the normal versions of those very songs but remember: all of this is for a reason, Allah knows best and you’re doing this for jannah. the songs that you’ll avoid in this world are the ones you can listen to in the next. though, here’s a tip, nasheeds fill in the gap of music better then acapella cause of the way vocals are placed in the background, so try to listen to them more -`♡´-
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ᯓ★ (step 2-2 - stopping for musicians) ᯓᡣ? ! ༘⋆
you can skip this part if you aren’t a music producer or musician or someone who wanted to learn instruments.
I recommend that you watch other videos and stuff for help on this as I’m really not the best person to give advice on how to quit music for musicians, but I’m putting this here anyways. this might be incredibly painful for you and I assume you tried to convince yourself it’s halal more then anyone else. if you’ve been learning instruments for years it might be really difficult to accept this but just put the instruments away and think. try to remember that this world is just a test. you’ll be able to play these instruments in the next world, and it may feel like all this effort in learning has been wasted but it’s not, you can use that effort in jannah inshallah. I personally have a guitar that I planned on learning but it has sat in my closet for a while, and now I know it’s gone to waste hurts me alot I won’t lie, I cried last night because of it. but I came to terms when I remembered what this is for, what IM for. life is a test and never forget that. it may be incredibly painful to quit, leave, and forget music especially for you as a music producer or musician, but it’s all worth it I promise you.
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ᯓ★ (step 3 - removing music from your ugc) ᯓᡣ? ! ༘⋆
ugc stands for user generated content. now you’ll need to remove the music from the content you have posted on sites such as youtube, etc. for youtube, look for tutorials on how to replace audios from already posted youtube videos, I can’t explain it in text lol. it’s really easy to remove audios from yt videos luckily. some other sites come to mind but I don’t have time to mention all of them, so just look for tutorials and stuff. the reason you need to remove the music from all ur ugc is because correct me if I’m wrong, the bad deeds of those who listen to the music from ur ugc will be on you.
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ᯓ★ (step 4 - avoiding music) ᯓᡣ? ! ༘⋆
now for avoiding music. music is EVERYWHERE and it’s incredibly difficult to avoid it. try to not go to restaurants and places that play music but if you can’t then just cover your ears, if you can’t do that then try to ignore it, and if you can’t do that then just try to not care about it and pretend it doesn’t exist even if it’s hard to ignore. when watching stuff like YouTube shorts, mute ur audio, check the video/sound if you’re pretty sure it doesn’t have music, unmute, then repeat.
———————
So uh yeah that’s it bye! Also feel free to argue against my points or correct any mistake I made. This is just my observation of music and Islam as someone who has had an obsession with music and as someone has believed it’s halal for a long portion of my life.

CONTENT WARNINGS: eating disorders && substance abuse This is going to be a wall of text and for that I apologize but I don’t know how else to explain my situation without giving the full story.
I’m not sure what I hope to gain posting this here. Maybe I just need somebody to talk to, or I need some advice. I don’t really have anybody in my personal life I can talk to about this so here I go, my name is Aria and I’m a nineteen year old girl. I’m about to be twenty. I’ve been smoking weed since I was sixteen, admittedly almost everyday. I’ve been very mentally ill my entire life but diagnosed with nothing, except adhd, because my borderline abusive parents didn’t support putting me into therapy, even though I’d cry and beg them to let me go to therapy at such a young age. I’ve always, always known something is very deeply wrong with me. My mental health is very severe, I frequently go through drug binges (harder than weed but softer than things like heroin or fentanyl), self harm, have ideations to end my life, etc.
I also have a restrictive eating disorder, which I’ve been struggling with since childhood. I recovered in my early and mid teens, but it came back with a vengeance. Because I’m diagnosed ADHD, I use my medication as a tool for my eating disorder. I won’t say anymore than that. I don’t think the medication is good for me, it doesn’t make me feel good, but I still take it everyday because of my disorder.
Now … I don’t know if it’s the weed, or the medication, or a mix of the two, but recently I lost a drawstring bag with all of my 3DS games in it. Ever since I was a child, my 3DS has been an escape for me. I absolutely love playing games on it, I know it sounds cringey but some days it’s the only thing I have to look forward to. It helps me sleep, it helps me clear my mind, it takes me back to my childhood … I dunno. It’s pretty much the only healthy distraction I have from my mental health. This loss is not only devastating to me, but it’s also very confusing. I know exactly where I left it, but when I went to grab it, it wasn’t there. It has never left the house, yet I’ve torn apart my room looking for it and it’s just nowhere to be found.
Here’s where I’m going to start to sound crazy. I have been binge eating an insane, almost inhuman amount these past three days. Like seriously a disgusting amount of food. And for some reason, my brain is convincing me that God is hiding them for me as punishment for my gluttony and I have to go on a hunger strike if I ever want to get them back. I know how this sounds … trust me, it sounds off the walls insane to me as well. But literally for some reason it’s the only justification I can make to myself right now. I’m confused and scared. What does this mean for my mental health if something as simple as losing a something important to me is the thing that sends me into the deep end?
The one funny thing throughout all of this is the fact that I’m not even religious :P my mom just forced Christianity onto me as a child and I guess this is the consequence.
Anyway, that’s pretty much all. I’m just a little unsettled by my mental health right now and some support would be nice. Thank you for reading this far if you have, I appreciate you all. <3

This is part of my efforts to interprete upanishads as advocating action from a state of sattva. For anyone reading this post, please be aware that this is not how this text is interpreted

aum ity etad akṣaram idam sarvam, tasyopavyākhyānam bhūtam bhavad bhaviṣyad iti sarvam auṁkāra eva yac cānyat trikālātītaṁ tad apy auṁkāra eva

The vocal movement that produces the sounds A, U and M covers the whole range of mouth movement for producing all the phonemes of the sanskrit language and hence AUM is a good approximate for speech itself. Since what is knowable is also speakable then as the representation of speech AUM can be seen as representative of the state of visible world across all time past, present and future. As speech can also convey ideas not part of the world hence AUM also represents everything beyond it - the shabda tattva(ground of all concepts).

sarvaṁ hy etad brahma, ayam ātmā brahma, so’yam ātmā catuṣ-pāt.

Ayam Atma Brahma - Brahma is the creative principle, the manifestor of the waking world. The agent self is indeed that Brahma as it creates the world we experience by imposing upon it conceptual abstractions called name and form.
We have already seen why our Atman is Brahma in the preceding sentence but the Atman is not alone in manifesting the world of experience. The external world too plays a part in creating our experience because without it's existence how can the Atman add it's interpretation. Therefore the world outside and the components that help the Atman interact with it also play a part in the "creation". Hence all things are Brahma. This atman is said to operate in 4 states which is discussed subsequently

jāgarita sthāno bahiṣ-prajñaḥ saptāṅga ekonaviṁśati-mukhaḥ sthūla-bhug Vaiśvānaraḥ prathamaḥ pādah.

The 1st state is called vaishvanara. Here it engages with the waking world consuming it through its 7 limbs(divisions of our body) and 19 mouths - (divisions of our motor, cognition and other processes represented via - 5 jnanendriyas, 5 karmedriyas, 5 pranas, intellect, manas, memory and ahamkara affected by rajas and tamas gunas). Due to its intense engagement with the outside world it has a tendency to identify with the things it operates on, forgetting the boundary between the agent and that which is acted upon(outside objects)

svapna-sthāno’ntaḥ-prajñaḥ saptāṅga ekonavimśati-mukhaḥ pravivikta-bhuk taijaso dvītiyaḥ pādah.

The 2nd state is called taijasa. Here it engages with our inner world(dreams) constructed via our memories consuming it again through its 7 limbs and 19 mouths. The 7 limbs are only apparent here , in our dreams we think we have a body and our perceptions are fuzzier so in a sense this is the state of rajas slowing down. Due to its muddled engagement with the inner world it has a tendency to identify with the things it operates on, forgetting the boundary between the agent and that which is acted upon(memory fragments)

yatra supto na kaṁ cana kāmaṁ kāmayate na kaṁ cana svapnam paśyati tat suṣuptam suṣupta-sthāna ekī-bhūtaḥ prajñānā-ghana evānanda-mayo hy ānanda-bhuk ceto-mukhaḥ prājñas tṛtīyaḥ pādah.

The 3rd state is called prajna. Prajna describes the state of Atman in times of deep sleep. This state cannot consume anything being cutoff from its limbs and is predominantly in the mode of tamas. Since it is rajas that is primarily responsible for mood swings etc which results in anger and suffering , a tamas dominated atman can be euphemistically said to be consuming ananda(bliss).

eṣa sarveśvaraḥ eṣa sarvajñaḥ, eṣo’ntāryami eṣa yoniḥ sarvasya prabhavāpyayau hi bhūtānām
nāntaḥ-prajñam, na bahiṣ prajñam, nobhayataḥ-prajñam, na prajnañā-ghanam, na prajñam, nāprajñam; adṛṣtam, avyavahārayam, agrāhyam, alakṣaṇam, acintyam, avyapadeśyam, ekātma-pratyaya-sāram, prapañcopaśamam, śāntam, śivam, advaitam, caturtham manyante, sa ātmā, sa vijñeyaḥ.

The 4th state is the state immediately after we wake up from a good deep sleep. We feel fully rejuvenated and our senses are keen. We are in a state of clarity , neither being too absorbed in our memories nor in the external objects, peaceful, radiating calmness. It is our ahamkara regulated by sattva(emerging from the balance between tamas and rajas). This is the real Atman. The others adjectives listed are simply in praise of this ineffable state to make us strive to maintain this throughout our waking life.

so’yam ātmādhyakṣaram auṁkaro’dhimātram pādā mātrā mātrāś ca pādā akāra ukāra makāra iti.

This identical Ātman, or Self, in the realm of sound is the syllable OM, the above described four quarters of the Self being identical with the components of the syllable, and the components of the syllable being identical with the four quarters of the Self. The components of the Syllable are A, U, M.

jāgarita-sthāno vaiśvānaro’kāraḥ prathamā mātrā’pter ādimattvād vā’pnoti ha vaisarvān kāmān ādiś ca bhavati ya evaṁ veda.

Vaiśvānara, whose field is the waking state, is the first sound, A, because this encompasses all, and because it is the first. He who knows thus, encompasses all desirable objects; he becomes the first.

svapna-sthānas taijasa ukāro dvitīyā mātrotkarṣāt ubhayatvādvotkarṣati ha vaijñāna-saṁtatiṁ samānaś ca bhavati nāsyābrahma-vit-kule bhavati ya evam veda.

Taijasa, whose field is the dream state, is the second sound, U, because this is an excellence, and contains the qualities of the other two. He who knows thus, exalts the flow of knowledge and becomes equalised;

suṣupta-sthānaḥ prājño makāras tṛtīya mātrā miter apīter vā minoti ha vā idaṁ sarvam apītiś ca bhavati ya evaṁ veda.

Prājña, whose field is deep sleep, is the third sound, M, because this is the measure, and that into which all enters. He who knows thus, measures all and becomes all. One might wonder why this state of absolute tamas is seen as the measure. It is by using this state of no activity and engagement as the 0 can we measure our current level of activity and judge if it is closer to the 4th state or not.

amātraś caturtho’vyavahāryaḥ prapañcopaśamaḥ sivo’dvaitaevam auṁkāra ātmaiva, saṁviśaty ātmanā’tmānaṁ ya evaṁ veda ya evaṁ veda

The fourth is soundless: unutterable, a quieting down of all relative manifestations, blissful, peaceful, nondual. Thus, OM is the Ātman, verily. He who knows thus, merges his self in the Self – yea, he who knows thus.
Only when we are in a state of absolute calm unperturbed by both memories and the external world can we let our intelligence operate at its full capacity. Only such a state can effortlessly act as the wellspring of all ideas - the shabda tattva represented as AUM itself. Knowing the benefits we must purify our ahamkara by cultivating sattva thereby operating as the Atman.
Traditional commentary - https://www.swami-krishnananda.org/mand/Mandukya_Upanishad.pdf

I met someone at work and we started talking and hung out a few times. This has been ongoing for a few months.
My mental health is trash, but I don't share that with people and try not to burden anyone else. Last week was not a good week for me, and Thursday and Friday consisted of panic attacks. Thursday, they noticed and I said I just wasn't feeling very good, verbatim. Later in the day I asked if I could use their vape because I'm having a panic attack, but didn't expand or go into details. Friday, they asked if I was feeling better and I said yes (not true). I have a panic attack an hour later and just go home. They ask why I left and I just texted back "Because I'm going to lose my fucking mind. Rather not do it at work." They responded that I didn't have to share, but worried and couldn't do anything to help.
This leads to me oversharing when I didn't want to, although it was just listing some things that were bothering me. They texted back a usual platitude of support, which I expected. I wasn't and am not upset about the response, but I wasn't feeling well and my next few replies were just getting shorter and with a hint of irritation. The final text from me being "idk, I don't have any answers for you." This was the end of the conversation considering they didn't text back.
I was feeling a little better later that night and apologized for being a bit rude and short when they were trying to help. The only response was "it's okay," which is a good response, but this isn't how they text and seemed like they weren't happy about the interaction. I finally text back "please lmk what I can do to make things better. I don't mean to hurt other people when self sabotaging." I instantly regretted the second sentence, but still not that bad. They didn't and haven't responded at all, and has been avoiding me at work.
I haven't reached out or said anything after the last text, but the no response at all and avoidance has made me feel a type of way. To me, anyway, it seems like the friendship ran its course, but would I be wrong for pulling back from the friendship after hearing no response at all from someone you were close with when you're in a panic?
I was in a very stressed state and admittedly overshared, but the reaction (no reaction?) does not sit right with me. I'm aware I'm not owed anything and someone oversharing can be overwhelming (and I would definitely take it back if I could), but the continued avoidance and ghosting is not something I would do to someone I considered a friend, especially knowing they're in a stressed mental state.

A little long but could really use advice and help.. I live in a shared house with 2 males and 2 females (25m, ?m, 25f,27fme). We are all strangers found eachother online when past housemates moved out. I've lived with my female housemate for 2 yrs and the 2 male housemates just moved in a month and 2 ago, We'll call everyone A(25f) B(25m) C(?m). So last week A announced she will be leaving next month which leaves me with a whole set of complete strangers I just met, that's fine. My main point is the bathroom has always been a big deal even with the old housemates, no one want to clean the tub which get dirty and moldy fast since there's no window, A and i didnt get along due to different ideas of cleaning(she just wouldnt unless asked to). When B moved in I expressed to A and B that the bathroom has become an issue because there's alway poop splattered in the bowl and the tub isn't being cleaned. 1 month later C moved in, I got my own bathroom, problem solved,out of sight out of mind. Well the house was stinky today and I checked in and the bathroom is disgusting. 4x more poop is splattered in the bowl, hairs collected everywhere and tub is getting moldy again even tho I did a complimentary cleaning 3 weeks ago before leaving it to them, ( i have a feeling this is why A is leaving but we're not friends so idk really)... So what do I do?? Everyone has a private bedroom so not my problem, even tho the house is getting musty and stinky. My problem is I am currently looking for a Female housemate to move in and like wtf is that -_-... so how do I approach this with 2 stange men I just met? B is the culprit who's diet is take out and 7/11 food only and seems really immature and arrogant. C I just met and seems to have a healthy diet, keep to himself and is respectful, no complaints but also just met him. A is gone in a month so she really is just surviving here and doesn't really talk to me anyways so I really need advice from someone with a little experience in this. I used to be very passive up until a year ago when I found my voice, and I struggle with approaching things calmly without it sounds accusatory or a little aggressive. I am learning. This situation is making me feel very frustrated because I feel like adults should just adult. But how do I ask my 2 male housemates to clean the bathroom more often? And how do I assert house rules and a chore chart (that was talked about before when i interviewed them both for the room) This is really important to me because I just lived 2 years of stress and passive aggressiveness from my old housemates for these same issues that never got addressed unlit it was out of control and we couldn't take it and back then we were all females! I don't share the bathroom anymore so I shouldn't care but It smells sooo bad. Also they keep leaving dishes in the sink even though a 24 hr limit was discussed ... please help reddit 🙏

Right below this post on my overview page, you'll see a serious, sober reply I gave to somebody's perhaps not altogether serious question about galaxies named "Snickers," bringing up a mildly interesting tidbit from the History of Astronomy. Read it there, because you'll never be able to see it anywhere else. It was deleted, almost instantly, with no reason given, a perfect example of what can happen on a site adults use to discuss serious matters, when the adolescents are so often in charge.
If you are new to Reddit, no, that was not a snarky joke. So-called "power mods" have, in the past, turned out to be minors, well under the age of 18, nothing more than dull-witted children with far too much time on their hands, and an overpowering desire to be in control. When governmental policy was being set in keeping with the consenses set by the social media mobs, a few years ago, these are the people who effectively had the power to decide who would be free to speak about what, and about how full grown adults would be forced to conduct their affairs - the sort of adolescents that, in the days before the Internet was invented, would have been shunned by their peers, and with good reason.
I went to mention this most recent moderator power flex on RedditCensors, and discovered that it had been banned by Reddit, which I understand has created a rule that prohibits public complaints about a moderator's abuse of power - literally, an anti-transparency rule. Those are inherently corrupt and on a platform where freedom of speech is effectively put to a vote through the downvoting process, corrupting.
If it ever was anything else, Reddit has become a place where neurotic teens and tweens have gone to live out their dreams of power, as they've been allowed to control the public consensus by being given the ability to quietly silence the voices of dissent with their mad reign of error. Some tried to excuse this inexcusable reality, a few years ago, by mentioning the stress so many people were under due to the "Pandemic," and arguing that free and open discussion of serious issues would be more than people could cope with during the drama, and perhaps they would again, but let us be serious. That was a nonsensical defense even then, and 2024 is not 2020. Sanity might not have returned, but the panic has passed, and at this point there can be no serious question about Reddit's role in that time of panic. The admins and mods eagerly got down and dirty to encourage that panic and haven't reformed, since.
Strictly speaking, this has cost Reddit its safe harbor protection, since it is in no way running a neutral platform, but we already know how much the law matters when a large Internet firm breaks it - not at all. By now, we all know that Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) and those hearings of his are a joke. They are there to defuse anger, not to start any real sort of move toward justice.
One could respond to this ugly reality by jumping over to a supposedly uncensored platform - like Gab, to cite the best known example. But when one goes to that supposed alternative to the censorious lunacy of Reddit, Twitter, Facebook, Youtube, et al., what does one find? Literal neo-Nazis, flat earth conspiracy theories and endless death threats and targeted harassment, while the staff looks the other way and refuses to enforce its own rules, because the founder is, himself, not so far from being a Nazi, himself. To attempt to have a serious discussion there would be like breaking into a gathering of the Ku Klux Klan, and trying to have a town hall meeting during it.
At some point, one has to be willing to see that something has been tried and proven to be such a trainwreck, so consistently, that to put much more time and effort into it would seem like madness. That is how I've come to see the social web, and perhaps even the Internet in general. You can see the links to my other sites and you're welcome to follow me on them, but I'm not sure that I'm ever going to bother to post to them, because I'm at a loss when I try to think of a good reason for doing so. Certainly, I incur a massive opportunity cost by getting down in the trenches with the losers - compare what I was getting paid to answer student's questions about Mathematics in the real world ($120/ hour as an independent tutor before Covid) with what I get here, where I get repaid only in aggravation. In person, at an art fair, I can be (and have been) approached by the editor of a literary journal and asked to submit. Online, if I'm lucky, I'll see a fraction of the audience I'd get at an open mic night, run into censorship because somebody with well developed psychiatric problems though he sensed a hidden agenda behind my words, and then get to deal with scrapers afterwards.
The Internet has, for the most part, neither proved a pleasant, nor a profitable, nor a productive experience, so why get deeply invested in it, at all? I'll be shutting down my groups on this and other sites, as I reduce the role of the Internet in my life to being what it should always have been: a place for posting announcements, along maybe with a tiny amount of free content as a loss leader, in order to get other people to link to the page with my event announcements and other notices. I'm going to turn off the computer and get back outside, more, as I really should have back in 2020. As everybody should have, really.
The Internet, properly used, is a bulletin board, not a community. Life was better when people remembered it, and for me, it's going to be better, again. If other people want to go on being immersed in a miserable, futile effort to succeed where all others have failed before for structural reasons, they're free to do so, but I think they'll find that other serious people will be making the same choice I have, and for the same reasons. The power mods will still be there, and so will the trolls, but when they're nearly all that remains, when the Internet is firmly linked to the craziest members of society in the minds of the general public, just how much influence will it go on having?
Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing at all. Over and out, for now, and probably permanently. There's a nice, sunny day waiting for me, just outside my window and I'm going to go enjoy it.

I posted something like this a few hours ago but none of the text showed up.
Life has become a trap for me in which there is no way out. Everything is a mess since moving to Glasgow, UK, two years ago and I've had three annus horibilis in a row each getting progressively worse. A fatalism has creeped in which I see no prospect for my future and in my darkest hours feels like I'm in the final moments of my life. By that I'm not necessarily referring to a sudden impulse to kill myself but a dreading that it'll happen in the next year.
Speaking analogically I feel like I'm in a dump truck about to throw its load away into an abyss. Ive been struggling to get out and now I'm nearing the point of no return. One wrong move sends me into the abyss.
I doubt I'm an immediate risk of suicide. However the safeguards I have in place are getting worn down.
The problems started 3 years ago in which shortly after moving into my own apartment and doing some trauma therapy I experienced bullying and discrimination in an environment aimed at myself and others at work. I fought for my part before leaving to Glasgow a year later.
Once in Glasgow, the trauma of what happened at work started haunting me and I was experiencing some symptoms of PTSD. I found another job in Glasgow but it was incredibly stressful. I have Autism and Dyspraxia diagnosed well also looking into ADHD. The job just put incredible stress and my family who were accommodating me needed money help. Eventually I fully burned myself out and quit because of active suicidal thoughts (this was about 10 months ago).
While off sick from work, I struggled to do the emotional work to recover because of tension in the household amongst my family. We found a way to deal with the tension but I've not been able to put in the emotional work because I'm deemed to be too volatile though one family member has a history of being emotionally provocative.
I have debts that are completely ignored. No friends as I struggle making friends. No relationships either. Family is the only support I have but that can get extremely tense. I'm living with my parents at 33. The jobs I can get stress me out so I can't function and I have limited prospects of getting the jobs I could do.
My life is just a giant mess. When I see hope I feel like I can't trust myself mentally or physically anymore to push through. I struggle acting and have severe procrastination issues from fear of failure, success and perfectionism. I struggle with impulsivity and bad financing though I know how to budget.
I'm at the point I just see suffering in my life, useless pain. No hope, no prospects and I feel like an abject failure in life as a human being. I've wanted to die for numerous years (around 14) and it's the most efficient option out of the mess I'm in.
I've increasingly moved from third person views of idealising my suicide to first/third person. The thoughts have been increasingly intense. I'm in a pull and tug relationship with the pull towards suicide ever increasing. I've lost faith in myself.
I'm reluctant getting help because I don't see myself as an emergency care though a part of me wants to have an emergency so I can get immediate help. Part of me doesn't think I warrant the help or a bad enough to justify having it. I'm used to living with suicidal thoughts my whole adult life so it's normal for me.
Do I check myself in a hospital? Should I be getting help? (From my previous post the answer is clearly yes). What help do I need? I feel wrong misstep could send me spiralling into the abyss.
Thank you for reading.
Gareth
P.S.
This is a note I wrote a month ago
Why live?
What is the point of life? All I see is misery and despair. All the beauty has vanished. All the good has vanished. All the love has vanished. I want nothing more to do with this world. The world is better without me here. I hog up resources and take. I'm a parasite deserving of death. There's nothing good about me. There can't be any good about me. I'm a sick evil demon. Only through death can I be salvaged into the abyss for eternity so I can have an unearned rest.

After a few hours I've finally saved this bot which is meant to roleplay a text conversation over phone as {{char}} and {{user}} are away from one another, and I've run a few tests to make sure it isn't utterly broken, and I'm honestly quite pleased with how easy it seemed to pick up on the formatting of "chat bubbles" and a fitting use of emojis without pushing it. Sadly I can't really get it past two or three messages as the bot wants to fall asleep if I don't push against it, which isn't particularly desirable for me as I want the relation between {{char}} and {{user}} to be supportive and understanding.
I intended the bot to primarily be a non-explicit slow burn character but I let it be limitless as I want to leave the choice of potential sexting open but if that doesn't work it can easily be dropped.
Either way that's a short summary of my situation, if people have some tips or feedback in general I'm happy to receive it, the link to the bots is right below.
Anna (texting with your girlfriend)
Good chatting!
(also my stupid ass accidentally clicking the update button mid script writing because 'Ooh, shiny golden button' 😭)

Hi I wasn't quite sure who to speak to about this so I decided to use a burner account.
So I 18F have known this guy, 18M (let's call him Connor) since we were kids. Like we have known each other since birth. Now Connor and I live about an hour away from each other and our families used to meet up a bit when we were younger. However, about 5 years ago or so our mums fell out and so we didn't see each other for 5 years. Yet a few months ago, my grandma died and as Connor's mum and my grandma were quite close. We actualy ended up meeting up because we went to visit my grandpa on the same day thatConnor went to the same area to see a play (of a GCSE text that he studies). When our families met up I was actualy taken by surprise, I remembered Connor a bit form when I was younger but of course he was all grown up now and so different than my memory. Not that I'd admit it in my teenage embarrassment but I found Connor really quite cute and after dinner, we went on a small walk round the village to just talk because we were around the same age and our parents went off to get ice cream. We talked about our schools (him going to an all boys school and ke just a public one) and how different they were. I really enjoyed talking to Connor and so when he asked if I had snapchat I of course said yes. Before this I didn't use it like at all. I didn't have any snapstreaks and only had it installed. But after this we kept on talking every day and it was really quite nice to have a friends a friends I spoke to every day.
However at some point my friend, Braleigh (17F but 18 in 2 days) found out about Connors existence because I think my friends spoke about him because ethey kept on teasing him about me (they asked what I did at the weekend and when I said I met a family friend they all made innuendos). Now Braleigh and I hadn't been friends very long but she enjoyed teasing me about Connor but after begging for weeks, I finally showed a photo of him to her and her friends (My first mistake). She said he was ugly and I couldn't really defend him because at this point I hadn't even accepted the crush myself. So time progressed and at some point around Christmas, Connor asked me to give her snaochat to me because he enjoyed teasing her when on my phone. I didn't want to but he said something like "come on don't be boring" and I stupidly accepted.
Now one thing you need to know about Braleigh is she is very good at trying to message guys. No offence to her but she isn't the most attractive but she gives attention to many guys (even in lower years) and is very well experienced. Up until this point she had been in a relationship for about a month with her first boyfriend (now ex) in the year above.
Now I wa strally worried when driving home and when he began to give slower response times than usual I began to get really worried that he was messaging her back and not me (ehich he's fine to fo its his life) but I was in denial about my feelings at this point. Now my family ended up visiting his a few weeks later just after Christmas and ge said he blocked her and we even got into an argument about him not long before. She aid I was acting "stroppy" and ignoring her (she was talking about a time I felt really sick and wanst speaking to anyone just sat with my head in my hands). She said "fine I'll block him" and I thought that was that. She playfully joked about sharing his snapchat to the people in my school because they were all interested about this "Mystery Connor, [my] boyfriend." No matter how often I told them we weren't dating, they didn't drop it (mainly because I'm not really attractive and am not really expected to find love)
Time skip to a few weeks ago. Braleigh and I fell out because some of her friends were gossiping about her behind her back. One of her friends said that it was awkward in lesson when I gave her ex-boyfriemd (This is Braighleigh's second and they had been going out for a month and a half give or take). I said yeah but wanted wanted to drop it because she'd already said the same thing in the lesson and I didn't think it wa say of our business. Now some people started calling her a slag and I think unintentionally U said something that supported that (which I would never want it to be my intention) but two days later she ended up sending me loads of accusatory texts. Now I said to her that I didn't say anything like that and it's mone of my business about her relationships. But a day later she said "why did you lie" and I just didn't want want get involved and said well I'm confused now but I'm sorry. I don't think it's best if we hang out for a bit etc. (Which is fine because she isn't even in my main group of friends she was just a good friend I had outside of that). She said good and a thought that was it. However, the next day at school, she started standing really close to me and my friends where we were stood, talking (like half a meter, it was concerning) and I could see her constantly turning to look at me in teh corner of my eye. I just ignored ignored because I'm sure it would blow over. Yet next week, a friend if mine said oh at Braighlrigh was gossiping about you behind your back. And I said well that's annoying yet she's being hippocritcial is that's what she claimed I did but oh well, it didn't affect me directly, she can do what she wants. I continued to ignore her because eif she wanted to talk then she can approach me but U have other, better friends so uts fine. I haven't spoken about her once (not yo her friends or anyone else) and it really was a thing of out of sight, out of mind situation.
Cut to today where Connor snaps me saying, somethings happening. I said in what way? He said Braghleigh added me... I said OK... and he said that she told him all of what happened and he wasn't picking sides yet. Which kind of annoyed me because me falling out with Braigheigh has nothing to do with him and now she's dragging in out. So I told him, you're great but it has nothing to to with you. And he agreed. But I can't say that I went into a shop with my family and just started stressing (to the point where tears started started fall unwillingly). And I began to feel sick. This only happened once before when Braighleigh said Connor looked fit in a photo and whilst I felt sick for the rest of the day I also pushed it to the back of my mind because she was in a relationship.
Now I know that I can't control either of their actions, they're both poeple in their own right because U really know what I want to do. I want to move on from this guy that I'm left crying over but can't seem to do it. Like I don't know what to do and haven't even been in a situation where I've liked a guy like this or this much. It genuinely make some feel ill and don't know what to do. Could someone give advice. Please and thank you :)

After seeing several doctors (2 obgyn, 4 endo and 2 dietitian) and mentioning all of them i was using ssri (citolapram to be exact) none of them told me this

SSRIs have been shown to increase insulin sensitivity in both nondiabetic and diabetic individuals.

here's a link to the specific study but honestly just write insulin resistance and ssri and you will have lots of articles. It makes me so mad, how come i learn this by myself after all these years trying to lose weight? This should be malpractice or something. I told all of them i could not lose weight, it was beyond hard and no one said my ssri was effecting my ir badly. All they said was "lose weight". I could have changed my medicene, i could have switch to something else cause the more i gain the worse i feel lol.
I do not want this post to be a vent post. But keep in mind if you are using ssri, it could be effecting your insulin badly and having pcos is just a cherry on top. Also just a claime, dont ever cut your antidepressant cold turkey. Talk to your doctors about options. There are always options, but in my case i had doctors who could only say "lose weight".

Finished my latest build, still tweaking here and there but mostly happy with it. It's on the plot NW of Brighthaven, and currently has about 725 tiles. Might have gone a bit overboard there....
I'm running my own private server so various limits have been increased; total tiles, height, etc.
You can see a ton of pics HERE.
Used admin commands to clip stuff into stuff. You can do some cool things like:
Place a fountain where it normally wouldn't go, and put a tree inside it
Put furniture under the pergola's, as it should
Put a pergola where it doesn't want to be, and connect a garden fence to it
Make a nice lighted centerpiece for your tables
Finally connect those damn hedges as they should
Put a working garden fence in the hedge 'door' where it belongs
This one is subtle but put a brazier inside the waypoint gargoyles to make 'em creepier
Park statues inside lights, or lights inside statues, for cool effects
Put stuff on tables, combine items, have gargoyles peek out of walls, etc
Combine a pillar, 4 fireplaces, and 4 gargoyles to make a neat furnace for your boiler room
Have the smoke stacks outside of the walls
Put a bigass fountain in the walls of your dining room to make it even more ostentatiouser
Any many more...
How to do that in case people are interested:

1. You need to be able to use the 'adminauth' command in the console to give yourself the admin rights. If you're running your own server you probably already know how to do this. I don't know how this works in the private game options.
2. Enable observer mode by typing 'toggleObserver 2'. This lets your character clip into objects if needed. You can disable it by typing 'toggleObserver 0'.
3. Place the item you want to move somewhere nearby, in the orientation/rotation you want it.
4. Move your char to the exact center of the spot where you want to move the item.
5. Place your cursor over the item you want to move and type 'teleport ClosestUnitToCursor Self'. This will move the item closest to your mouse cursor to your exact location, clipping into whatever is there.

Getting things in the exact spot can be a bit tricky but there's a few tricks you can use to make it easier by binding the commands to keys:

console.bind c teleport ClosestUnitToCursor Self console.bind i toggleObserver 0 console.bind o toggleObserver 2 

This will bind the c key to the teleport command. The i key to normal no-clipping mode, and the o key to clipping mode. Use whichever keys you find handy. Hit o to go stand in the spot, hover over the item that needs moving, hit c. If the location is off enable build mode and move the item back, move your char a bit, and teleport it again. It can take a couple of tries.
Be careful because the teleport command will happily move whatever it thinks you selected. It'll yoink a growing plot out from under a flower, or grab a wall-fixed light from 3 floors over. There's no undo-button so you'll have to go fix it yourself :)
Note that you can move a lot of stuff, but not everything. Walls, windows, doorways, stairs, carpets,etc cannot be moved. Neither can anything that goes flush on a wall, like vegetation.
The big fountain in particular has a rather large invisible hitbox above it; so if you move it too far under stairs or whatever it could block off the stairs with an invisible wall.
Note that you can't disassemble objects, nor shapeshift, while you're in the clipping mode.
Have fun clipping stuff into other stuff!

One trait I've come to realize that I have is being overbearing on people. I do it both on and offline. When I talk to some verbally I'm often thinking more about my reply to what they're saying than actually listening to them, for the fear of not being able to reply and there being awkward silence between us. In verbal communication I often say too much too fast and control the direction of the conversation. This is fine with doctors and therapists but I always end up making my parents mad when I do this to them.
A similar thing happens in online conversations with text but often it's just me creating a wall of text and repeating myself a lot, often using the same words or phrases over and over to get a point across. And just like with verbal communication I'm usually directing the conversation and not letting the other person to share their thoughts as much as they want to be. And changing the subject when I can't immediately think of a proper response to whatever topic they bring up.
I have mental illness and even with the medications I take it seems there is always an internal conscious, or subconscious dialogue that I can't ever pause or make it stop, which often makes it seem that I have pressure of speech. On top of that, I'm extremely introverted, so my pressure of speech only comes out to people I trust but when it does, I can tell that I'm being overbearing to a certain degree because I'm afraid I'll run out of things to say and I don't allow other people to speak their mind as much as they want. I will on occasion ask things like "is there anything more you want to say" but I've found that usually doesn't work on most people when I want to generate more conversation.
My overbearing personality has driven people away from me, and has actually caused me to be banned from some online communities, despite not trying to act rude or like a troll to those people. What can I do to avoid being overbearing to people I begin to trust and how do I truly listen to people without trying to plan the rest of the conversation out in my head? I could use some advice on this.

"Heya guys I am Brandon Sanderson pleased to meet you"
This line has been appearing without end in my dreams as of late. On the walls, glowing red on the insides of my eyelids, scrawled in coagulating blood on mirrors... I just can't seem to stop it. Well, you know how writing is, tee hee! The ol' voices only stop when you put pen to paper (not literally. I use a keyboard most of the time? Though I've heard most still use paper and quill from a trusted source.).
So, in order to appease them, I've decided that I should put Brandon Sanderson in my novel and have him say this. However, I'm not sure how to go about it. Do I literally put the guy, as if this were some isekai, coming to my fantasy world post-die, straight as he is, not batting an eye? Or do I just slap his name onto one of my characters and call it a day? (I'm worried the latter could be considered inauthentic. I've never read any of his stuff, but I've heard that if you do, you have to take him on as your patron saint, and as I mention below, I'm not the type to want to be affixed to a cross! Let alone by nerdy book-reading zealots...)
Also, I'm a little concerned about copyright. Is Brandon Sanderson a copyrighted character? Do you think they'd make the exception for me? I really wanna be published, so this is important, but I also don't wanna be crucified by the voices for going against them (they've been dragging it closer to the foot of my bed every 7 days to remind me who's in charge) so I need to find some compromise.
And just one last thing, all my characters tend to be really racist. It just happens. Write what you know, if you get my gist. I think it makes them more nuanced and really shows that not all racists mean any harm! But I get that the masses don't get this and someone from the legal team might be forced to issue a cease and desist because of all those angry fans who don't know what's best, or, worse, the houses would refuse to publish my special novel (this would be bad because I wouldn't get published). Assuming we get the earlier paragraph sorted out, how racist do you think I could make him? Maybe just some implications here and there? Or maybe it's okay if I do show don't tell and make him express his feelings through actions instead of walking up to the camera (I write so it'll be adapted into a movie someday, for context) and stating everything that composes him as the rest of my characters do?
Thanks for the help. Gee, writing can be tough, huh? Luckily we have each other.

Imagine Udio compared to an old Yamaha or Casio keyboard. If you press the "demo" button, it will play you a song. Did you make that song? I think we would all agree that you didn't. If you go into Udio and just hit "create", it will also play you a song. Granted, the song will be unique but did you really make a song? I would say no, you did not.
With an old keyboard, you could press a button to play a backing tune and press the keys to trigger chord changes. Would that then be you creating a song? The line starts to become blurred. If you use some basic features in Udio, like describing the song and it's characteristics (live, electronic etc), would that also be considered as making your own song? Again, it's a little more blurry.
If you start using the keyboard in a more in depth way, actually playing the keys and arranging a composition, did you then make a song? It starts to seem more like you did. Same goes with Udio. If you take the time and consideration to use all of it's features to craft a piece of music exactly to your liking, did you make a song? I would say that perhaps yes, you did.
My point here is that "did you make a song" is not a simple yes or no question. What constitutes a song or piece of music? How much input and decision making is required for the song to be considered legitimately "yours"?
As more features and tools get implemented into Udio (which I seriously hope they do) then users can have more control and input into the end result, which at some point can be considered as though YOU made the song.
At the moment we are in the early stages of this tech. Are we making songs yet or are we just pushing the demo button?
I believe we have enough tools within Udio right now to "make your own song", but that doesn't stop casuals just pushing the demo button anyway. It seems to me there exists a majority of songs being made in Udio that are from people using it in this way, but there are also those that use it in a more considered way as a tool to "make their own song" as well.
Where will this all lead us? What features are in the works? What will the next generation of this tech be like? As a hobby musician/producer, I am excited to have as much control as possible over how Udio generates its content. If Udio were a fully integrated VST plugin for my DAW that has tonnes of producer friendly features then producers/musicians using this kind of tool will almost certainly be considered as using Udio to make their own music in my opinion. Right now, I think we're half way there