The latest and most thrilling season of English football would also be the most controversial. The amount of times we had issues with refs, VAR, red cards, and blown calls made the NFL refs seem like experts in their craft. Seriously, the best European football league can't even get a video review correct in less than 2 minutes and it drives everyone mad. We also had further proof of Rich 7 favoritism with the FFP punishments dished out. It was absolute chaos, it caused fanbases to melt down like Chernobyl, but it made for amazing shitposting. How did your team do?
Manchester City: Sigh, the Prem is not beating the farmers' league allegations after this. In some way, we all expected this. After their historic treble, everyone assumed City would take a step back. They weren't even the best team in the country and they still found a way to creep up into first place. Their fourth title in five seasons, six under Pep Guardiola. They still have a chance at a double, too. If you're still living in the "Fraudiola" camp, I suggest you touch grass. Do you know understand how fucking insane that is? Sure, you can say Abu Dhabi bankrolled him and now they may be paying for it dearly but that is serious contention for greatest manager of all time. This time he was up against the adversity, too. They went without KDB and Haaland for long periods of time. Phil Foden was rightfully voted PFA Player of the Year for his efforts in their absence. Julian Alvarez took massive strides in becoming the next great Argentine striker...when he can get into the team. Jeremy Doku showed flashes of greatness, and it might spell the end for Jack Grealish. Rodri was Rodri, Ruben Dias was Ruben Dias, you know the deal. Even academy kids made serious progress. Pep won the Champions League without Messi and with a real striker. He's now guided City to another title. Goddammit, can we please get someone to topple this monopoly?
Arsenal: You did it again...you fucking did again. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You thought you were becoming the reincarnation of Real Madrid. You ended up becoming the red version of Poch's Spurs. Some might even say that Spurs team was better than this team. Arsenal had the title in their grasp again. Then they sat back and drew with City, lost to Villa at home, and in the end, these results cost them. You bottled it again. Bukayo Saka had his best season ever. So did Martin Odegaard. Leandro Trossard made a case for a starting spot. Gabriel Martinelli was sporadic but effective. William Saliba and Gabriel locked down the backline. David Raya won the Golden Glove. Mikkel Arteta has a case for Manager of the Year (likely going to Unai Emery), and they still bottled it. We don't need to rehash how their European campaign went. You should've known Spurs were never going to give you that benefit of the doubt. Why would your local rivals help your title charge? At least you're back in the Champions League, and you showed you could shed some of those demons next campaign, so long as you don't match up with Bayern again. The painful truth is, you went trophyless again. How much longer is the goodwill with Arteta going to last? Doing this once? Forgivable. But twice? Unconscionable.
Liverpool: This was not how Klopp's Last Dance was supposed to go. One trophy, and the League Cup at that, is all Liverpool had to show for it. They hit the worst patch of rotten form at the most inopportune time. You might think losing games twice to Manchester United in a span of a week was bad enough, but to go to Italy and lose to Atalanta? And they kept a clean sheet?? Dear god, they made Crystal Palace look like prime Barcelona at one point. You are fucking cooked, and it shows. Darwin Nunez started to break out, then reverting to forgetting how to play the sport of football entirely. Virgil Van Djik's age showed. Ibrahima Konate shows flashes but is injury- and mistake-prone. Mo Salah is mentally checked out, and it showed with him in only scoring twice in the last 10 matches of the seasons. Him and Klopp arguing on the sideline was peak Liverpool banter era. You literally on the verge of a quadruple AGAIN and you scuffed the run... This team is going to need a massive reset, and that may mean cashing in a few aging stars. New manager Arne Slot will have an absolute gargantuan job ahead of him. With FSG's financial model, it'll be interesting to see who they bring in. But what do you about Mo Salah? Clearly his age is starting show.
Aston Villa: Unai Emery was sacked by Arsenal for "underachieving." When you see the job he did with Villa with half the budget he had at Arsenal and players willing to run through walls for him, you can understand how Villa managed to stay in the Top 4 most of the season. Ollie Watkins had his best season to date. Douglas Luiz become the third-best defensive midfielder in the league, and dispatched a few penalties. Niccolo Zaniolo played a smaller role and still contributed heavily to big wins. It wasn't ever perfect, and there are plenty of wayward results to point out, but Villa has got some of their old mojo back. Get ready, boys, you're going dancing next season. You'll be in the new-look Champions League for the first time since the 1980s. Don't forget: Villa has some European pedigree to them. Sure, it was back when the competition wasn't as fierce as it is now, but respect them. Otherwise all you Madrid fans are going to be shitting themselves when you rock up to Villa Park for the league stage.
Tottenham: Tottenham's season hit some very high highs, and some deeply low lows. A 10-game unbeaten streak to start the season ended with a four losses in a row. Injuries crippled all the progress they made. Ange Postecoglou's all-out attack works, but when it doesn't, it is absolutely terrifying to watch. Hueng-min Son had a nice comeback season. Richarlison finally came good for the club. James Maddison started out well enough and then had a fall-off for the ages, as did Pedro Porro. The backline of Cristian Romero and Micky Van de Ven showed they can be great but they need real discipline in midfield to balance out the high line. But there are still many players that can't get them over the hump. Not to mention, they were derailed by injuries all campaign. Make it 16 years since the last major trophy. Fifth seems fitting for a team still going through an identity and cultural reset. Some supporters think Ange isn't the one for the job. They often forget just how big of a rebuild is needed after losing Harry Kane and other core players over the past five seasons. Those are probably also the people that don't see the positive of the Tottenham money-making machine. Why win trophies when you can host NFL games? Sigh, I just want one Cup, is that too much to ask for? At least they clinched Europa League, I guess.
Chelsea: Todd Boehly will no longer be making the calls about Chelsea's transfers. That should make the fans a little bit happier. If you're keeping score at home, he's only got 1/30 of new signings right. Jury is still out on Enzo Fernandez, Moises Caicedo, Axel Diasi, Mykhalio Mudrk, Noni Madueke, and Levi Colwill. Mauricio Pochettino was trying to build something, but it was hindered by constant setbacks. A massive pile of injuries, extreme fan pressure, and underperforming players signaled it would not be another fruitful season for the Blue Lions. You got beat by a bunch of high school students in the Carabao Cup final, and somehow that wasn't the lowest point of the season. It was the thrashing by Arsenal. Chelsea should feel lucky they snagged Cole Palmer out from under Man City. He's the real Eden Hazard regen, even though he's a bit of a penalty merchant. He dragged Chelsea from finishing outside the Top 10 again. This summer will be a major clear-out. Raheem Sterling, Reece James, Ben Chilwell, and Thiago Silva might or are already leaving. The thinner squad will allow Poch to actually build something...maybe. You're not seriously going to sell Conor Gallagher to Spurs, right?
Newcastle: Eddie Howe can feel sort of vindicated that he guided this Newcastle team to a top 10 finish. They had one of the worst injury sheets in the league this season. The delicate balance of Champions League and the English season exposed their biggest flaw: not enough depth. Sandro Tonali getting suspended for being a degenerate gambler definitely did not help. Nick Pope was out most of the year and Martin Dubravka showed why he's no longer first-choice. Sven Botman and Dan Burn spent time on the sidelines and that killed their defense. Seriously though, they were chucking out Football Manager regens to play critical minutes. That only works in video games. In reality, the club is backed up against the FFP bubble. They will need to sell to buy, and that might mean cashing in on Alexander Isak or Bruno Guiamares. Maybe they'll even cut ties with Tonali and try to recoup some of their money. The richest club in the world is playing inside the rules? I guess they don't want to be the new Man City. I honestly commend them for trying to play within the confines of the rules. Some clubs can't say they do that.
Manchester United: Jim Ratcliffe really had no idea the scope of the rebuild he inherited once he bought his stake in United. He called out the club culture and facilities in the media multiple times, but perhaps it was all reactionary. United had a shit season. And boy do I mean shit. None of their players could stay healthy. Marcus Rashford is entering Dele Alli territory with how bad his falloff has been. There was the Mason Greenwood situation, then the Antony situation, and the Brazilian managed only two league goals across the whole season. Jadon Sancho called out Ten Hag's management and was gleefully banished back to Dortmund, where he started picking up his performances. He's in a Champions League Final...lol. Casemiro and Raphael Varane showed their age. He had a solid run of form but it didn't last. Varane's already said he's done in Manchester. Rasmus Hojlund took 15 games to find his first goal of the season. Alejandro Garnacho is now the best player at the club and even he had beef with Ten Hag's coaching. Bruno Fernandes might be seeking greener pastures. They finished dead last in their Champions League group and were out of Europe by February. Take solace in making the FA Cup final, but you were losing 3-0 to Coventry City, a Championship club, and had to beat them on penalties. Old Trafford may truly be falling down, and it doesn't help with Ten Hag waffling about he is still the best man for the job. Because you know, it was his signings that set the club back so much money. Antony costing 100 million quid needs to be investigated. There's no real sign of progress under INEOS's ownership. It's still too early to judge, but it's clear they will need to make some decisions. Enjoy raiding all your rivals for executives. Apparently "We're Manchester United" still works.
West Ham: Was it a bad season for West Ham? When you deep it, you'd probably say not really. David Moyes started out kinda slow but managed to get the Hammers going in vital moments. Jarrod Bowen continued his remarkable rise even as a center-forward. The pillage of Ajax for Edson Alvarez and Mohamed Kudus was fruitful, even if Kudus's underlying numbers aren't that great. James Ward-Prowse stepped up his game after being freed from the shite coaching at Southampton. Alphonse Areola cemented himself as the true No. 1 in goal. Lucas Paqueta was the real eye candy. So much so he's looking like the heir-apparent for Kevin De Bruyne. He'll cost another small nation's GDP but he was that class. Sure, they didn't reach the Europa final like they wanted to and got knocked out by Xabi Alonso's Leverkusen, but how can you say this was a disappointing season? Disappointing enough to tell Moyes he's done after this season? You're replacing him Julen Lopetegui? I know he did fantastic work with Sevilla, and you may see yourselves as the English Sevilla, but tread lightly. Did you see what happened between Wolves and him? Or what happened in his final season in Seville?
Crystal Palace: Today's top stories: Crystal Palace finished comfortably mid-table for the 11th season in a row. In other news, grass is green. It was a strange but similar season for the Eagles. Spats between ownership over the long-term vision for the club coupled with Roy Hodgson's depressing retirement tour clouded what could've been an opportunity to pounce. With Brighton and Bournemouth shitting the bed, the time was prime to strike. But again, they were let down by inconsistent forwards. Jordan Ayew and Jean-Phillipe Mateta are still struggling to score consistently (At least Mateta is producing now). Odsanne Eduoard is made of glass bones and paper skin. Eberechi Eze, Michael Olise, and Dean Henderson were good enough to keep them afloat. Eze's got enough street cred to have City and Spurs linked to him, but we'll see what premium the Eagles charge. More credit is owed to Oliver Glasner. He was a shrewd appointment, and it showed with his tiki-taka style of play. Remember, he took Frankfrut to a Europa League final win and beat Barcelona and West Ham to do it. Next season should be a moment to capitalize on drops in quality from other mid-table rivals, but you'll probably be back here with me in 2025 with a 12th consecutive mid-table finish. At least this time it's in the Top 10.
Brighton: Brighton was my biggest disappointment for the 23-24 season. Maybe that's too harsh, but what the actual hell happened? There was a lot of squad turnover, understandably affecting the quality. But they still had Evan Ferguson, Karou Mitoma, Lewis Dunk, Danny Welback, Julio Enciso, and Simon Adringa to pick up the slack. Oh wait, almost everyone listed above was injured long-term. Roberto De Zerbi's managerial stock took a massive blow. He couldn't properly juggle the league and European football, especially as the injuries piled up and they were relying on academy kids to play key minutes. There's also rumors of him beefing with club executives about the transfer policy. The drawback of such a unique system: the falloff is inevitable. It ended up causing "irreconcilable differences," and De Zerbi promptly packed his shit and left. At least Brighton can take solace knowing they won their first European group stage and picked up sensational victories against Ajax and Marseille. Proud moments amid a rather shite season. Pick yourselves up and go again, lads. Even though De Zerbi bounced, your ownership will already have his next candidate picked out. Just pray it's not a Graham Potter return.
Bournemouth: The Cherries had another fine season where a lot started to come together. I was skeptical about them parting ways with Gary O'Neil after the job he did, but Andoni Iraola was a shrewd appointment. He actually found ways to unlock Dominic Solanke. Not even Jurgen Klopp could do that. Antoine Semenyo appeared as a servicable mid-table winger. Luis Sinisterra brought the Colombian flare to the South Coast and proved he could be the country's next great hope. Some of the English lads like Lewis Cook carved out key roles, and did just about everything right to ensure another comfortable finish. Bournemouth really were not in any danger of going down. The blueprint is there. I doubt Iraola will be able to take them into European places, but I've been proven wrong by plenty of managers before.
Fulham: Another solid finish for Fulham. Look at you, not yo-yoing even amidst Tony Khan's ridiculous pro wrestling PR drama. The Jaguars of English football showed a lot of fight and a lot of class. The signing of the season is surely Rodrigo Muniz. The Brazilian revolution between him, Andreas Pereira, and the aging Willian was glamorous. Antonee Robinson played like a man reborn and may get a move to a bigger club. USMNT fans couldn't be happier. It was tough not seeing Tim Ream playing week in and week out but he's clearly slowing down and might need replacing. But you can't get rid of Tom Cairney! It's not allowed by order of the streets. I doubt Marco Silva will read this, but he may not even have a choice in the matter. Joao Palhinha likely played his final season at Craven Cottage. Even at his age, he's good enough to get into the Bayern or Arsenal first team. Cash in and replenish, you know the drill. They'll have a lot of work to do this summer.
Wolves: Gary O'Neil is a top manager for the jobs he's done with Bournemouth and Wolves. It was not an easy season for Wolves, but compared to past campaigns, this was fantastic. O'Neill successfully unlocked Hwang Hee-Chan and Matheus Cunha. That alone is massive. Toti Gomes flourished in midfield. As did Pablo Sarabia. Pedro Neto showed flashes of brilliance...when he wasn't struck down by injury. Jose Sa returned to form and kept the team comfortably floating between between the top half and upper-mid talbe. What more can you say of Wolves? They were one of the better mid-tier teams this season, and that was after Julen Lopetegui walked out just days before the season began. You thought the Wolves were dead? Oh no, they are still on the hunt. Unfortunately, their pack is likely to find new homes with more money. I think you get the metaphor.
Everton: It was meant to be a Sean Dyche masterclass. Playing attractive football has never been his repertoire, yet that was exactly what he did with this Everton. Meanwhile, Everton fans are still steaming about the points deductions they underwent. I can understand why they feel this way, considering there are much worse violators and they're being made an example of. Yet Dyche thrives on these situations. He could only collect so many points with this Everton group but they did play well enough and have some decent talent. Jared Branthwaite is clearly an upgrade over some of their past center-backs. Consider this his window-shopping season. DCL flirted with injuries and still managed to score key goals. Beto hasn't come good yet but give it a little time. Idrissa Gana Gueye played well for his age, and Amadou Onana too had his window-shopping season. Fear not, Toffees. Even with the points deduction, you will finish comfortably bottom-half, and had it not been for the Premier League's hypocrisy, you would've been as high as 12th. This is a huge moment, because you're also moving into Bramley Moore next season. Godspeed, Everton.
Brentford: Ummm, hello? Anybody here want to win a fucking football match? Anyone want to collect three points? The good vibes at the Gtech Community Stadium are starting to falter. Brentford's feel-good story is starting to get a reality check: they lack significant quality. The plan was to continue Thomas Frank's Nordic Connection since it had produced results in the past. They got Ivan Toney back around mid-winter, but did it really change their fortunes? He wasn't anywhere close to his past self. Too much time on the couch will do that. Yoane Wissa and Bryan Mbuemo did step up in attack, but without Rico Henry and Ethan Pinnock in defense it was too easy to carve through them. Mark Flekken did his best to mitigate the damage, but it was not enough to save them from a 16th-place finish. Nathan Collins was ok business but he clearly needs more time to develop to the system. Sergio Regulion put in some decent shifts on load, but not enough to justify keeping him permanently. You passed: DON'T! GET! RELEGATED! But for the love of god, please fix this shit before 24-25. Time to reset on the squad, find another plucky veteran willing to take a pay cut for playing time.
Nottingham Forest: Speaking of points deduction, nobody feels bad for Forest. They made more signings than Chelsea and clearly did it by some fishy means. It was mostly because they couldn't get Atletico Madrid to buy Brennan Johnson, so they had to accept Tottenham's lower offer. That doesn't excuse past transgressions. Then that wild social media statement that called out the Premier League's officiating. Secretly, everyone loved it but also wondered how they had the audacity to say such a thing. The only thing they can't defend is themselves. Steve Cooper, the architect of their return to Premier League and first-season survival, was canned for Nuno Espirito Santos. It kinda worked...I guess. They're not in a relegation spot even with their punishment but they definitely look the part. Gio Reyna came here on loan and had minimal impact. Morgan Gibbs-White looks good but clearly has flaws. Chris Wood is still their only reliable striker. Matt Turner was benched for a 32-year old Mats Sels and that didn't fix any of their goalkeeper problems. They're like a frat house toilet: always leaking. They'll definitely be another clear-out this summer.
Luton Town: At some point, results start to matter. It felt like Luton realized that too late. They did put up some impressive results like a 4-4 draw to Newcastle and a 4-goal dismantling of Brighton, but they struggled mightily. It was expected, but they really did give better teams runs for their money. Ross Barkley and Andros Townsend came off the couch to help. Barkley made a case for Comeback Player of the Year. Townsend provided some experience but football skills...not so much. Elijah Adebayo and Alfie Doughty tried to get the creativity going. Carlton Morris managed to post a double-digit goal season. They had pieces but could never put it together fully. The defense...good god, the defense! It couldn't stop a beach ball from going over the goal line. You brought in Daiki Hashioka to stabilize things, and all he did was score own goals and turn the ball over. It's sad that Luton is going back to the 2nd tier. Rob Edwards's job is probably safe, but can he remake the magic of 2022-23? Might be a step too far. Honestly, I'm more sad to see Jeffrey the Labrador go. The goodest of boys makes the goodest of club mascots.
Burnley: I can only applaud Burnley's ownership for not thinking like a yo-yo club. They chose Vincent Kompany because he is the anti-Sean Dyche. Free flowing, tiki taka football, playing out from the back with inverted fullbacks. Even if all the haters wanted to see him go to bring in a relegation dogfighter like Big Sam, the executives kept their man. Truly cut from the same cloth as Pep, but without any of the Pep players. That was the real downfall of Burnley's return to the Prem. This group won 101 points in the Championship last year? They didn't even manage to get 30 this time around. Kompany played anti-survival ball, and it didn't work. Sure, they had talent with guys like Vitinho and Jacob Bruud Larsen, but after it was shite through and through. At least Kompany had the audacity to play an expansive style, but survival needed more defensive rigidity. Go win it again, Clarets.
Sheffield United: If Burnley was ass, Sheffield United was mega-ass. They played like a Championship club, so it's only natural they got clobbered like a Championship club. They brought in Ben Brereton-Diaz and his fake Chilean skillset and he was...actually kinda good. It can't be said for the rest of them. Ollie McBurnie and Cameron Archer seem like the standouts, but nobody on this team was convincing enough to warrant a move to a bigger team except maybe BBD. He'll likely sign for Everton as the replacement for DCL. The club thought bringing back Chris Wilder in place of Paul Heckingbottom was the move, and it did next to nothing. Setting a record for most goals conceded in a single season is hilarious levels of incompetent defending. Conglats, you are now the new Norwich. Wear your badge of shame in anguish and go win the bloody lot in the Championship.

I'm writing a recap of the beef in my own eyes, based on what has been shown out there.
If anyone sticks around to the end to read all this shit, if you have any comments on what I missed or should be edited, lmk. Also go touch grass.
* October 2023: Cole/Drake dropped First Person Shooter, which sees Drake take shots at Kenny and while he gives props to the Big 3, Cole also claims he’s the best rapper alive. The verse from Cole is a bit disingenuous, calling themselves the Big 3, but referring to himself as Ali and saying "me and Drizzy shits like the Super Bowl," which in turn refers to KDot as the third best in the group. Also calls himself "Muhammed Ali," who is considered the greatest to ever do it. In Jermaine's eyes, its Cole Drake Kenny.
* March 2024: Metro Boomin (rap producer) and Future drop “We Don’t Trust You,” an album which sees them take multiple shots at Drake. One song (Like that) features Kendrick, who is practically inviting him to throw gloves with Drake (and Cole). Responds to the Big 3 claims with "Fuck the Big 3, it's just Big Me." A lot of his verse is going at Drake directly, calling his best work a "Lyt pack," and playing up the MJ Prince comps with the "Prince outlived Mike Jack" bar.
(The Drake Metro beef goes back a bit. Drake wanted to be on Metro's album on the song 'Trance,' but Metro didn't like what Drake had submitted. Drake also submitted his verse late, which pissed off Metro, who ended up removing Drake's verse and keeping him off the album entirely. Drake does not take this news kindly, and ends up leaking his verse, which pisses Metro off further. He goes on a twitter rant, stating why Drake doesn't deserve a Grammy. When 21 Savage dropped his album "American Dream", Drake congratulated him on Insta, with a Screenshot that omitted Metro's name out of the credits. Which leads to Metro dropping "We Don't Trust You" and "Like That" as a result.)
Thank you u/CROW_is_best
* Two weeks later: Cole drops Might Delete Later, a 12 song EP. The last song (7 minute drill) is his response to Kendrick. However fans were pretty critical of his reply, with some claiming that as a diss it was pretty tame at best. Other fans claimed it was just a warning shot, and that it wasn't meant to be a diss back. A few days later, Cole apologized to Kendrick at Dreamville fest, and backed out of the battle. It is rumored that TDE member Schoolboy Q advised Cole to drop out of the beef, as it was between Kendrick/Drake, and it would get more personal.
* April 2024: 3 weeks after “Like That”, Metro and Future drop another album, “We STILL Don’t Trust You." This album features multiple artists who also throw disses at Drake. ASAP Rocky for dissing his BM, Weeknd calling out "leaks in the operation."
* A day after Metro/Future drop their 2nd album, Drake's “Push Ups” leaks online. This song clapped back at everyone that took shots at him on We don’t trust you, from Kendrick to Rick Ross to ASAP to Metro to Weeknd. In the song, Drake makes fun of Kendrick’s height, shoe size, his label split (supposedly he had to give TDE 50 of his publishing), and had a subtle jab at Kendrick’s wife Whitney.
* Drake also dropped a song that featured an AI voice of Tupac (Kendrick’s idol) and Snoop Dogg. Both west coast legends, but encouraging Kendrick to drop and stop being scared. A controversial track that was polarizing to say the least. Some fans praising its creativity in the rap beef, along with great verses from Drake. Others calling it disrespectful to a rap legend, and a bad precedent to allow AI in music. The Tupac estate ended up sending a C&D to Drake, who later removed the song from all socials.
(Note that here the public perception was for Kendrick to drop a reply, that Drake had come back correct with Push Ups and that if Kendrick was going to start a battle, he shouldn't duck when met with a reply)
* Two weeks after “Push Ups:" Kendrick drops “Euphoria,” which goes in on Drakes parenting ability, legitimacy in the rap game, and so on. A very solid dissection into the man we know as Drake, its a very good diss track that shows Kendrick's lyricism in full display. Also acknowledged that the industry is out to get Drake "wtf is this a 20v1," and told Metro to "shut yo hoe ass up and make some drums."
(He replied to this with an IG story of a merengue remix of that Metro bar, which was hilarious lmao. That and the band peforming outside Magic City in ATL were the funniest parts of the beef)
* A few days after, he followed up with “6:16 in LA" on Instagram. Not really a diss track in my opinion, it felt more like a track that had some warnings to Drake. Dot questions the loyalty of OVO and their legitimacy in the group, planting seeds of doubt in the mind of Drake. The cover this song is a black Maybach glove.
* Drake replied with “Family Matters” later that night, claiming Kendrick as a phony, attention whore, and worst of all a wife beater. Also claims that Dave Free (Kendrick’s manager), is the father of one of his kids. He drops this song with a full on music video, crushing the GKMC van, showing off the jewelry of rap legends like Pharrell and Pac, and so on.
(Honestly some of Drake's best work, and fans see it as such. Honestly some of his best writing since at least IYRTITL. That along with the beats make it a top 10 Drake song in my opinion. Some claim it's the best song in the diss. However, I just don't see it, for the reason I'm mentioning below:)
* Not even half an hour later: Kendrick drops “meet the grahams” which has heavy accusations. The cover of this song contains some of Drake's items. It includes: Ozempic/Adderrall/Zolpidem prescriptions, a receipt for the chains that Drake bought, presumably the ones in the FM video, and a visit card. Song claims Drake is a terrible person, has pedophilic thoughts/tendencies, runs a underground sex ring, and has a daughter that he’s hiding who’s at least 11 yrs old. It is a haunting track that sees Alchemist produce the beat.
(In my opinion, the clear turning point of this battle. For Kendrick to drop the time that it did, took the wind out of the sails that was Family Matters. And did it at a time where EVERYONE was reacting to it in real time. If the track didn't hit as hard as it did, it probably does not have an impact and Drake would have been the winner. Which is why IMO it's the best diss song in the battle. Despite the fact that daughter claims are mere allegations, he hit home on every other point that was made, with the cover art being proof of his verses holding truth. Which can't be said about any other diss in this battle, bar Euphoria.)
* He then dropped “Not Like Us” a day after FM/Meet the Grahams, which doubles down on the pedo claims, and also calls him a colonizer. This song is an instant hit and a West Coast banger, as it is currently the top song on the Billboard 200 as of the time writing this post.
(This song shifted the tide to "Drake is cooked" status. Prior to this song, people were still reeling from the back to back disses and asking that both sides bring receipts to the table. But with Not Like Us being a colossal hit, fans flocked to Kendrick's side. This track felt like the equivalent to a 3rd quarter run from the 2017 Warriors. Once it happens, you're done.)
To make matters worse, Metro also dropped a disstrumental called "BBL Drizzy," encouraging fans to drop a verse on the song, giving the winner 10k and a free Metro beat.
(Also a pivotal moment. If Drake wasn't losing the battle before, he lost the internet game with this combo. Now social media was clowning on him)
* A day later, Drake replied with "The Heart Part 6," a play on the The Heart series that Kendrick Lamar has. This song sees Drake claim that he set Kendrick up with fake information, and planted all this from the start. He also continues to apply pressure on the DV claims, and dispells the accusations made against him about him being a pedo. Also claims that he understands why Kendrick is so pent up, as Drake believes that Kendrick got molested as a child, referencing "Mother I Sober." Fans believe this track was a white flag of sorts, with the bars saying "You could drop a hundred more records, I'll see you later," and:
"That's why these pedophile raps and shit you so obsessed with, it's so excessive They actin' like it's so aggressive, but you just never known affection I don't wanna diss you anymore, this really got me second-guessin."
The last bar seems to question Kendrick's motives in the beef, and that Drake wants no parts in a battle that is really just projecting trauma. Regardless, the song was met with criticism for questionable lyrics and disses in the song. Shortly after, both sides alluded to move on, with Punch/Top of TDE declaring Kendrick the winner, and Drake saying "Good Battle, summer vibes up next," with the beef ending there.

Obviously most of these guys actually had an English VA or two so I went went those, but anyone with an * next to them is someone who's never had an English VA before and THATS when I had to fancast them for this list.(Stehoney is the only one who had an English VA but still has an * anyway on account that I had to take a guess who voiced those things in the .hack quadrilogy since the goblins aren't among the credited voice. Same logic with Ustanak's grunts, so I just made him and Nemesis the same.) Please be sure to let me know what you all think.
Playable=
Reiji Arisu(Namco X Capcom): Liam O'Brien*
Xiaomu(Namco X Capcom): Erica Lindbeck*
Jin Kazama(Tekken): Patrick Seitz
Kazuya Mishima(Tekken): Kyle Hebert
Kite(.hack): Mona Marshall
Haseo(.hack): Yuri Lowenthal
Yuri Lowell(Tales of Vesperia): Troy Baker
Flynn Scifo(Tales of Vesperia): Sam Riegel
Ciel Alencon(God Eater): Cristina Vee
Nana Kozuki(God Eater): Cassandra Lee Morris
KOS-MOS(Xenosaga): Bridget Hoffman
Fiora(Xenoblade Chronicles): Carina Reeves
Valkyrie(Legend of Valkyrie): Heather Halley*
Natsu(Soul Calibur): Kate Higgins
Aty(Summon Night): Melissa Gulden
Alisa I. Amiella(God Eater): Kate Higgins
Heihachi Mishima(Tekken): Jamieson Price
Estellise Sidos(Tales of Vesperia): Eden Riegel
Chris Redfield(Resident Evil): Roger Craig Smith
Jill Valentine(Resident Evil): Kari Wahlgren
Dante(Devil May Cry): Reuben Langdon
Vergil(Devil May Cry): Daniel Southworth
X(Megaman X): Ted Sroka
Zero(Megaman X): Johnny Yong Bosch
Hiryu(Strider): T.J. Storm
Hotsuma(Shinobi): Jordan Rosa
Ryu(Street Fighter): Kyle Hebert
Ken Masters(Street Fighter): Reuben Langdon
Chun-Li(Street Fighter): Laura Bailey
Xiaoyu Ling(Tekken): Carrie Keranen
Demitri Maximoff(Darkstalkers): Richard Epcar
Morrigan Aensland(Darkstalkers): Siobhan Flynn
Leon S. Kennedy(Resident Evil): Matthew Mercer
Phoenix Wright(Ace Attorney): Sam Riegel
Maya Fey(Ace Attorney): Abby Trott
Felicia(Darkstalkers): GK Bowes
Captain Commando: Steven Jay Blum*
June L. Milliam(Star Gladiator): Cherami Leigh Kuehn*
Ingrid(Street Fighter): Cassandra Lee Morris*
Akira Yuki(Virtua Fighter): Jay Momet
Kage-Maru(Virtua Fighter): David Rosenthal
Ichiro Ogami(Sakura Wars): Dave Wittenberg
Erica Fontaine(Sakura Wars): Caitlin Glass
Sakura Shinguji(Sakura Wars): Wendee Lee
Gemini Sunrise(Sakura Wars): Laura Bailey
Kazuma Kiryu(Yakuza): Darryl Kurylo
Goro Majima(Yakuza): Mark Hamill
Zephyr(Resonance of Fate): Scott Menville
Vashyron(Resonance of Fate): Nolan North
Ulala(Space Channel 5): Cherami Leigh Kuehn
Axel Stone(Streets of Rage): Joe Bianco
Pai Chan(Virtua Fighter): Evelyn Huynh
Hibana(Nightshade): Kristi Swensson
Leanne(Resonance of Fate): Jessica DiCicco
Segata Sanshiro(Sega Saturn): Eric Bauza*
Ryo Hazuki(Shenmue): Corey Marshall
Chrom(Fire Emblem): Matthew Mercer
Lucina(Fire Emblem): Alexis Tipton
Enemy=
Byaku Shin(original): Mary Elizabeth McGlynn*
Saya(Namco X Capcom): Leah Clark*
Sheath(original): Cindy Robinson*
Dokumezu(Namco X Capcom): Fred Tatasciore*
Dokugozu(Namco X Capcom): Charles Adler*
Zagi(Tales of Vesperia): Roger Craig Smith
Azure Kite(.hack): Mona Marshall
Skeith(.hack): none
Stehoney(.hack): Doug Erholtz*
Kamuz(Legend of Valkyrie): Ray Chase*
T-elos(Xenosaga): Bridget Hoffman
Unknown(Tekken): Edi Patterson
Vajra(God Eater): simulated
Marduk(God Eater): simulated
Sigma(Megaman X): Chris Tergliafera
Vile(Megaman X): Roger Rhodes
M. Bison(Street Fighter): Richard Newman
Juri Han(Street Fighter): Jessica Strauss
Solo(Strider): Dave Rivas
Tong Pooh(Strider): Niki Kernow
Pyron(Darkstalkers): David Kaye
Lord Raptor(Darkstalkers): Scott McNeil
B.B. Hood(Darkstalkers): Karen Strassman*
Nelo Angelo(Devil May Cry): David Keeley
Druk(Captain Commando): John DiMaggio*
Shtrom(Captain Commando): Kevin Michael Richardson*
Shtrom Jr.(Captain Commando): Kevin Michael Richardson*
Nemesis T-Type(Resident Evil): Damon Dayoub
Ustanak(Resident Evil): Damon Dayoub*
Black Hayato(Star Gladiator): Johnny Yong Bosch*
Dural(Virtua Fighter): none
Shadow(Space Channel 5): Tom Clarke Hill
Coco☆Tapioca(Space Channel 5): none
Kurohaganea(Nightshade): Casey Robertson
Robot Axel(Streets of Rage): Joe Bianco
Ranmaru(Sakura Wars): Dorothy Elias-Fahn
Dokurobou(Sakura Wars): Paul St. Peter
Aya-me(Sakura Wars): Karen Strassman*
Ciseaux(Sakura Wars): Chuck Huber*
Metal Face(Xenoblade Chronicles): Timothy Watson
NPC= Chizuru Urashima(original): Nika Futterman*
Aura(.hack): Stephanie Sheh
Miyuki Chan(Ordyne): Carol Lawrence*
Tarosuke(Yokai Dochuki): Nicky Jones*
Otohime(Yokai Dochuki): Karen Strassman*
Sylphie(Forgotten Worlds): Tara Strong*
Ada Wong(Resident Evil): Megan Hollingsheed
Miles Edgeworth(Ace Attorney): Kyle Hebert
Cardinal Garigliano(Resonance of Fate): Dave B. Mitchell
Tiki(Fire Emblem): Mela Lee

Obviously most of these guys actually had an English VA or two so I went went those, but anyone with an * next to them is someone who's never had an English VA before and THATS when I had to fancast them for this list.(Stehoney is the only one who had an English VA but still has an * anyway on account that I had to take a guess who voiced those things in the .hack quadrilogy since the goblins aren't among the credited voices) Please be sure to let me know what you all think.
Playable=
Kogoro Tenzai(original): Kaiji Tang*
Mii Koryuji(original): Stephanie Sheh*
Haken Browning(Super Robot Wars): Steven Jay Blum*
Kaguya Nanbu(Super Robot Wars): Cristina Vee*
Jin Kazama(Tekken): Patrick Seitz
Xiaoyu Ling(Tekken): Carrie Keranen
KOS-MOS(Xenosaga): Bridget Hoffman
T-elos(Xenosaga): Bridget Hoffman
Yuri Lowell(Tales of Vesperia): Troy Baker
Estellise Sidos(Tales of Vesperia): Eden Riegel
Kite(.hack): Mona Marshall
Blackrose(.hack): Wendee Lee
Soma Schicksal(God Eater): Yuri Lowenthal
Alisa I. Amiella(God Eater): Kate Higgins
Reiji Arisu(Namco X Capcom): Liam O'Brien*
Xiaomu(Namco X Capcom): Erica Lindbeck*
Sänger Zonvolt(Super Robot Wars): Doug Erholtz*
Flynn Scifo(Tales of Vesperia): Sam Riegel
Valkyrie(Legend of Valkyrie): Heather Halley*
Neneko(Yumeria): Luci Christian
Neito(Yumeria): Tiffany Salinas
Alisa Bosconovitch(Tekken): Cristina Valenzuela
Heihachi Mishima(Tekken): Jamieson Price
Lindow Amamiya(God Eater): Kyle Hebert
Ryu(Street Fighter): Kyle Hebert
Ken Masters(Street Fighter): Reuben Langdon
Chun-Li(Street Fighter): Laura Bailey
Morrigan Aensland(Darkstalkers): Siobhan Flynn
X(Megaman X): Ted Sroka
Zero(Megaman X): Johnny Yong Bosch
Dante(Devil May Cry): Reuben Langdon
Demitri Maximoff(Darkstalkers): Richard Epcar
Frank West(Dead Rising): T.J. Rotolo
Hsien-Ko(Darkstalkers): Hunter MacKenzie Austin
Chris Redfield(Resident Evil): Roger Craig Smith
Jill Valentine(Resident Evil): Kari Wahlgren
Arthur(Ghosts 'n Goblins): Dan Woren
Devilotte de DeathSatan IX(Cyberbots): Tabitha St Germain
Tron Bonne(Megaman Legends): Tara Platt
Servbots(Megaman Legends): Elizabeth Hanna
Lady(Devil May Cry): Kate Higgins
Batsu Ichimonji(Rival Schools): Matthew Mercer*
Ichiro Ogami(Sakura Wars): Dave Wittenberg
Sakura Shinguji(Sakura Wars): Wendee Lee
Gemini Sunrise(Sakura Wars): Laura Bailey
Erica Fontaine(Sakura Wars): Caitlin Glass
Akira Yuki(Virtua Fighter): Jay Momet
Pai Chan(Virtua Fighter): Evelyn Huynh
Kurt Irving(Valkyria Chronicles): Todd Haberkorn*
Riela Marcellis(Valkyria Chronicles): Emily Neves*
Toma(Shining Force EXA): Nick Tagas
Cyrille(Shining Force EXA): Erin M. Cahill
Zephyr(Resonance of Fate): Scott Menville
Leanne(Resonance of Fate): Jessica DiCicco
Imca(Valkyria Chronicles): Cassandra Lee Morris*
Ulala(Space Channel 5): Cherami Leigh Kuehn
Bruno Delinger(Dynamite Cop): H. Richard Greene*
Rikiya Busujima(Zombie Revenge): Christopher Sabat*
Bahn(Fighting Vipers): Steve Staley*
Vashyron(Resonance of Fate): Nolan North
Enemy=
Meden Traore(original): Xander Mobus*
Due Flabellum(original): Lani Minella*
Ein Belanos(original): Jim Ward*
Drei Belanos(original) John DiMaggio*
Saya(Namco X Capcom): Leah Clark*
Dokumezu(Namco X Capcom): Fred Tatasciore*
Dokugozu(Namco X Capcom): Charles Adler*
Vajra(God Eater): simulated
Skeith(.hack): none
Phantom(Super Robot Wars): none
Necron(Super Robot Wars): Mela Lee*
Omicon(Super Robot Wars) Cree Summer*
Stehoney(.hack): Doug Erholtz*
Seth(Street Fighter): Michael McConnohie
Juri Han(Street Fighter): Jessica Strauss
Nemesis T-Type(Resident Evil): Damon Dayoub
Astaroth(Ghosts 'n Goblins): Patrick Seitz*
Jedah Dohma(Darkstalkers): David Kaye
Lord Raptor(Darkstalkers): Scott McNeil
Vile(Megaman X): Roger Rhodes
Selvaria Bles(Valkyria Chronicles): Carrie Keranen
Aya-me(Sakura Wars): Karen Strassman*
Ciseaux(Sakura Wars): Chuck Huber*
Riemsianne La Vaes(Shining Force EXA): Amy Provenzano
Coco☆Tapioca(Space Channel 5): none
V Dural(Virtua Fighter): none
NPC=
Aura(.hack): Stephanie Sheh
Iris(Megaman X): Michelle Gazepis

I'm calling Aidan Gillen underappreciated as most people would probably have to Google him rather than recognise him by name.
He's an Irish actor who's had big acting credits in so many great shows, critically and commercially. Just absolutely bossing it.
The Wire - seen as the greatest series ever by a lot of people. He plays Tommy Carcetti, a mayoral candidate who is very compelling.
Game of Thrones - certainly the most popular series ever. Gillen plays the wiley and conspiratorial Little Finger, and it seems like he was born for this role.
Love/Hate - incredible Irish gangster show, you're doing yourself disservice if you haven't seen it, also stars Misfits actor Robert Sheehan. Gillen plays an intimidating mob boss with a crazy streak. Ireland's answer to The Sopranos.
Kin - another Irish gangster show which has clearly been heavily influenced by Love/Hate, also stars Daredevil actor Charlie Cox. Gillen plays a completely different character in this - a cowardly gay head of a crime family
Quantum Break - an Xbox/PC game that also features a fully fledged miniseries TV show. Gillen plays a really great villain in this.
Peaky Blinders - he plays a less substantive role in this but still a very cool gig, which is worth a mention
P.s
I feel like the only other TV actor who came close was Lance Reddick (also in The Wire and Quantum Break). And he was the king of cool.
Watch Bosch if you want to see Reddick at his best, such a smooth operator in that. Then watch Corporate, he's so utterly funny in that.
Also, a shout out for Stephen Graham and Tom Hollander! Always in the best projects .

I stared, mouth dry, heart pounding, at the message from my boss – That awful combination of words that my coworkers and I pray we never see:
“You’re in the running for Employee of the Year.”
For him to send something so callous via email – that was just rubbing salt in the wound.
My eyes glazed over the wall of text that followed. I didn’t need to read the details – I’d cleaned enough of the prior winners off the walls and ceiling of the soundproofed breakroom to know exactly what the award entailed.
After that initial, deep pang of fear faded, denial flooded in to take its place.
I wasn’t just hitting my sales quota, I was blowing it out of the damn water – selling big ticket items daily. I never forgot to place the stickers with my barcode on the products, either, so when my customers checked out and it was scanned at the register, the sales should’ve automatically been linked to my employee ID.
We don’t receive commission – there are other ‘incentives’ to keep our sales up. I hadn’t been watching the numbers because I knew I was making sales left and right – I would've never even dreamt that I was at risk.
It was just a glitch with our computer system, I decided with a nervous laugh. It had to be – something IT could probably sort out in no time.
When I finally regained control of my legs, I wobbled to my manager’s office.
There was no miscalculation, he assured me. It was my employee ID that ranked at the bottom.
“The barcodes never lie, Graham.” He didn’t even bother making eye contact.
I was circling the drain figuratively, and if I didn’t get my shit together – literally – soon enough.
I begged him to review the camera footage – I knew he'd be able to see me making all those sales. “Don’t worry,” he added, with a smile vacant of anything remotely resembling happiness, “One way or another, we all contribute to the success of our company.”
I suppose that by then, he was long desensitized to the pleas of the desperate.
As I left his office, I assured myself that this wasn’t a death sentence.
Not yet.
I had another month until they recalculated our final standings, before shit would get real. Before I’d be given a limp handshake and an empty ‘Thank you for your devotion to the company’ as I was led down the hallway. Before I’d meet what lives behind the usually padlocked door in the shadowy corner of the breakroom.
Before I’d learn what it truly meant to sacrifice myself for the good of the company.
Word spread fast around the office.
Kevin gave me his smug, shit eating grin – maybe he thought that with me out of the picture, he’d finally have a shot with Elise.
Elise… I just desperately hoped that hers wouldn’t be the name drawn afterwards – the one selected to hose what’s left of me off the breakroom floor and down the stained, rusty drain.
As required, I began parking in my new designated space at the far end of the employee lot – the faded sign indicating ‘Reserved for Employee of the Year’ nearly swallowed up by the encroaching tree line. It added an extra ten minutes to my walk to our store, and I dreaded that added time in the oppressive Texas heat. The rational part of me knew that was soon to be a moot point, though.
One way or another, in another month, I wouldn’t have that parking spot. If I were lucky, I’d live to see another summer – live to see some other poor bastard’s car parked there.
If they hadn’t already heard the news, when the rest of my coworkers saw my car in that space, they knew what it meant. Don’t get too attached.
They started avoiding me like the plague. I didn’t blame them.
We all knew what would be coming next if my sales didn’t improve – it's the same thing that happens every time:
We’d gather for the mandatory meeting on the closing night of the fiscal year, all eyes on the sorry son of a bitch that had ‘won’ – the room so quiet that you could hear their muffled sobs. They’d receive what barely constituted a handshake from my manager while he muttered – dead-eyed – his appreciation for their devotion to the company.
Next, they’d be ushered off to the breakroom to meet ‘corporate’. No one tried to run – not after what happened in ‘19. Instead, the winner would always turn back, shooting us a desperate, final look – eyes pleading for someone, anyone, to intervene. Of course, no one ever did.
Once the door closed behind them and that sound-proofed room swallowed up the last of their sobbing, begging – it was over. The rest of us would be sent home and I'd try to shower away that disgusting feeling – that sick sense of relief that someone else was sent to their death, and not me.
Cal – the nicest guy I’d ever met – he was the bottom performer two years ago.
He’d fallen so ill that he’d nearly wasted away and eventually, couldn’t work anymore. He must've thought that freed him from his contract – if he left, if he never came back into work, he’d be okay.
He must not have read the fine print in our hiring paperwork.
Although, to be fair, if any of us had read it, we'd never have signed it in the first place.
Cal was a warning to the rest of us, that there is no quitting in our line of work. If they have to track you down and find you (and I promise you that they will find you) – well, wouldn’t you prefer to go with your dignity, with the company compensating your loved ones – rather than be pulled from your home, kicking and screaming into the night?
Gina was employee of the year in 2023. Gina, with the kind smile, whom Kevin had set his sights on before Elise – and, just like Elise, she wanted nothing to do with him.
I still remember that day, the day they released the final numbers. The way Gina’s mouth hung open in confusion, shock.
When she finally managed to form words again, she too insisted that there must be some mistake. We all vouched for her to management – I’d personally seen her make so many sales.
Our manager simply reminded us that the barcodes never lie.
My name was the one drawn for breakroom duty that next morning, to pick up what remained of her smile and her simple gold wedding band, to be returned to her family. In one business week, they received a box containing a check, and everything left of her that wouldn’t fit down the drain.
Once the numbers are finalized, once your employee barcode has been slapped on that innocuous looking pink slip, well, your fate is sealed.
Kevin, in all his years at the company, has never parked on the far side of the lot. He has never even come close to becoming Employee of the Year, even though he couldn’t sell a bottle of water to a man dying of dehydration. He is sleaze incarnate and doesn’t even have the charisma to mask it.
I never understood how he did so well, but I couldn’t afford to think about him.
I had myself to worry about, and the glitch in the system. Any time I found myself in the breakroom, that ancient wooden door was an unwelcome reminder of the impending one-way trip it held for me.
I took special care to keep an eye on my sales, working my ass off, pulling double shifts. I pulled up the numbers as the end of month drew near, and couldn't believe it.
I was still dead last.
Somehow, there were days where less than half of my sales had been recorded to my employee number.
I didn’t understand.
I waited for the opportunity to sneak into the manager's office, and pull the footage myself.
I’d show the boss that something had gone wrong with the calculations, that the system was broken.
I finally got my chance. At first, I triumphantly watched myself make sale after sale – far more than had been credited to my account. For the first time in a month, I felt a sense of relief. I had evidence, and that had to count for something.
I switched feeds, to the camera nearer to the registers so I could confirm that the codes were being scanned. I'd seen several scanned successfully, and reached to turn off the recording. That's when I saw it.
Saw him.
Kevin.
It was subtle. I didn't realize what he was doing at first, until I recognized the pattern. Even then, I had to rewind and watch again for it to click.
It happened for nearly half of my sales that day. I saw him Intercepting the customers before they could check out – before I could get credit for my sales. And while he chatted them up, he discretely slapped his employee barcode over my own.
I confronted him that night – I was furious. He just smiled, smugly gave me that line about how the barcodes never lie.
He didn’t give a shit that he was sentencing someone else to death.
Hell, maybe he even enjoyed it.
Kevin had stolen credit for Gina’s sales – and god knows who else's.
Fucking. Kevin.
The day our numbers were to be finalized, he had the audacity to place his barcode over mine on a huge sale I’d made – he made no attempt at hiding it – right in front of me. He flashed me a grin as he did.
I caught up with the customers before they checked out and they kindly allowed me to peel the sticker off. I stuck it in my pocket to show my manager.
I pulled the video, too, and I stormed into his office, refused to leave until he watched it. I studied him as his eyes moved across the screen and if he was upset or shocked, he certainly didn't show it.
Finally, he met my eyes, and at the sight of the pain in his – well, for the first time, I felt a sense of relief.
Until I realized why he looked so miserable. Until he whispered, “I'm sorry, Graham. Someone has to receive that award tomorrow. It's out of my hands.”
I wordlessly handed him that damn barcode sticker of Kevin’s that I’d peeled off. He studied it for a long moment before he handed it back to me with a mere, “Why don't you hold onto this.”
I told Elise what had happened over lunch, and as much as I appreciated her outrage on my behalf, I was already resigned to it. I'd mainly wanted to warn her because I had a sick feeling she'd be the one Kevin went after next.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't devastated when, that night, my boss called me into his office and informed me of the final standings. Yeah, I knew it was coming, but I guess it's just human nature to hold onto denial – hope – until the bitter end.
For what felt like an eternity, we stared at each other in silence. The presence of the pink slip of paper lying on the desk between us, said more than enough.
Finally, my eyes drifted down to the form.
He’d already signed, but the space where my barcode – the series of vertical lines spelling out my death sentence – should’ve been placed, was empty.
I never knew how this part went, since it always took place behind closed doors. No one that ever filled out that form lived to tell the rest of us about it.
“I need you to place a barcode here before I send the form to corporate.” he said, eventually.
I opened my mouth for one final, impassioned plea for my life, but he interrupted me. He spoke each word slowly, softly.
“I’m leaving the room now. I need you to place a barcode here, before I send the form to corporate.”
He stared at me for a long moment, waiting for my barely perceptible nod of acknowledgement before leaving me alone in the office.
They processed the paperwork, and announced the Employee of the Year that next day.
Yes, I did feel a pang of guilt as I watched the smug grin fade, the blood drain from Kevin’s face as he stared in shock at the outstretched hand of our manager – as he was thanked for his devotion to our company.
I felt it again as I watched him plead all the way to the breakroom, as our manager spoke to him the same mantra we’d all heard before.
The barcodes never lie.
But I thought of Gina, of the countless others, and by the time I heard the door slam behind him – the guilt was already gone. In its place, the relief of knowing the rest of us were safe.
Well, at least until next year.

I stared, mouth dry, heart pounding, at the message from my boss – That awful combination of words that my coworkers and I pray we never see:
“You’re in the running for Employee of the Year.”
For him to send something so callous via email – that was just rubbing salt in the wound.
My eyes glazed over the wall of text that followed. I didn’t need to read the details – I’d cleaned enough of the prior winners off the walls and ceiling of the soundproofed breakroom to know exactly what the award entailed.
After that initial, deep pang of fear faded, denial flooded in to take its place.
I wasn’t just hitting my sales quota, I was blowing it out of the damn water – selling big ticket items daily. I never forgot to place the stickers with my barcode on the products, either, so when my customers checked out and it was scanned at the register, the sales should’ve automatically been linked to my employee ID.
We don’t receive commission – there are other ‘incentives’ to keep our sales up. I hadn’t been watching the numbers because I knew I was making sales left and right – I would've never even dreamt that I was at risk.
It was just a glitch with our computer system, I decided with a nervous laugh. It had to be – something IT could probably sort out in no time.
When I finally regained control of my legs, I wobbled to my manager’s office.
There was no miscalculation, he assured me. It was my employee ID that ranked at the bottom.
“The barcodes never lie, Graham.” He didn’t even bother making eye contact.
I was circling the drain figuratively, and if I didn’t get my shit together – literally – soon enough.
I begged him to review the camera footage – I knew he'd be able to see me making all those sales. “Don’t worry,” he added, with a smile vacant of anything remotely resembling happiness, “One way or another, we all contribute to the success of our company.”
I suppose that by then, he was long desensitized to the pleas of the desperate.
As I left his office, I assured myself that this wasn’t a death sentence.
Not yet.
I had another month until they recalculated our final standings, before shit would get real. Before I’d be given a limp handshake and an empty ‘Thank you for your devotion to the company’ as I was led down the hallway. Before I’d meet what lives behind the usually padlocked door in the shadowy corner of the breakroom.
Before I’d learn what it truly meant to sacrifice myself for the good of the company.
Word spread fast around the office.
Kevin gave me his smug, shit eating grin – maybe he thought that with me out of the picture, he’d finally have a shot with Elise.
Elise… I just desperately hoped that hers wouldn’t be the name drawn afterwards – the one selected to hose what’s left of me off the breakroom floor and down the stained, rusty drain.
As required, I began parking in my new designated space at the far end of the employee lot – the faded sign indicating ‘Reserved for Employee of the Year’ nearly swallowed up by the encroaching tree line. It added an extra ten minutes to my walk to our store, and I dreaded that added time in the oppressive Texas heat. The rational part of me knew that was soon to be a moot point, though.
One way or another, in another month, I wouldn’t have that parking spot. If I were lucky, I’d live to see another summer – live to see some other poor bastard’s car parked there.
If they hadn’t already heard the news, when the rest of my coworkers saw my car in that space, they knew what it meant. Don’t get too attached.
They started avoiding me like the plague. I didn’t blame them.
We all knew what would be coming next if my sales didn’t improve – it's the same thing that happens every time:
We’d gather for the mandatory meeting on the closing night of the fiscal year, all eyes on the sorry son of a bitch that had ‘won’ – the room so quiet that you could hear their muffled sobs. They’d receive what barely constituted a handshake from my manager while he muttered – dead-eyed – his appreciation for their devotion to the company.
Next, they’d be ushered off to the breakroom to meet ‘corporate’. No one tried to run – not after what happened in '19. Instead, the winner would always turn back, shooting us a desperate, final look – eyes pleading for someone, anyone, to intervene. And, of course, no one ever did.
Once the door closed behind them and that sound-proofed room swallowed up the last of their sobbing, begging – it was over. The rest of us would be sent home and I'd try to shower away that disgusting feeling – that sick sense of relief that someone else was sent to their death, and not me.
Cal – the nicest guy I’d ever met – he was the bottom performer two years ago.
He’d fallen so ill that he’d nearly wasted away and eventually, couldn’t work anymore. He must've thought that freed him from his contract – if he left, if he never came back into work, he’d be okay.
He must not have read the fine print in our hiring paperwork.
Although, to be fair, if any of us had read it, we'd never have signed it in the first place.
Cal was a warning to the rest of us, that there is no quitting in our line of work. If they have to track you down and find you (and I promise you that they will find you) – well, wouldn’t you prefer to go with your dignity, with the company compensating your loved ones – rather than be pulled from your home, kicking and screaming into the night?
Gina was employee of the year in 2023. Gina, with the kind smile, whom Kevin had set his sights on before Elise – and, just like Elise, she wanted nothing to do with him.
I still remember that day, the day they released the final numbers. The way Gina’s mouth hung open in confusion, shock.
When she finally managed to form words again, she too insisted that there must be some mistake. We all vouched for her to management – I’d personally seen her make so many sales.
Our manager simply reminded us that the barcodes never lie.
My name was the one drawn for breakroom duty that next morning, to pick up what remained of her smile and her simple gold wedding band, to be returned to her family. In one business week, they received a box containing a check, and everything left of her that wouldn’t fit down the drain.
Once the numbers are finalized, once your employee barcode has been slapped on that innocuous looking pink slip, well, your fate is sealed.
Kevin, in all his years at the company, has never parked on the far side of the lot. He has never even come close to becoming Employee of the Year, even though he couldn’t sell a bottle of water to a man dying of dehydration. He is sleaze incarnate and doesn’t even have the charisma to mask it.
I never understood how he did so well, but I couldn’t afford to think about him.
I had myself to worry about, and the glitch in the system. Any time I found myself in the breakroom, that ancient wooden door was an unwelcome reminder of the impending one-way trip it held for me.
I took special care to keep an eye on my sales, working my ass off, pulling double shifts. I pulled up the numbers as the end of month drew near, and couldn't believe it.
I was still dead last.
Somehow, there were days where less than half of my sales had been recorded to my employee number.
I didn’t understand.
I waited for the opportunity to sneak into the manager's office, and pull the footage myself.
I’d show the boss that something had gone wrong with the calculations, that the system was broken.
I finally got my chance. At first, I triumphantly watched myself make sale after sale – far more than had been credited to my account. For the first time in a month, I felt a sense of relief. I had evidence, and that had to count for something.
I switched feeds, to the camera nearer to the registers so I could confirm that the codes were being scanned. I'd seen several scanned successfully, and reached to turn off the recording. That's when I saw it.
Saw him.
Kevin.
It was subtle. I didn't realize what he was doing at first, until I recognized the pattern. Even then, I had to rewind and watch again for it to click.
It happened for nearly half of my sales that day. I saw him Intercepting the customers before they could check out – before I could get credit for my sales. And while he chatted them up, he discretely slapped his employee barcode over my own.
I confronted him that night – I was furious. He just smiled, smugly gave me that line about how the barcodes never lie.
He didn’t give a shit that he was sentencing someone else to death.
Hell, maybe he even enjoyed it.
Kevin had stolen credit for Gina’s sales – and god knows who else's.
Fucking. Kevin.
The day our numbers were to be finalized, he had the audacity to place his barcode over mine on a huge sale I’d made – he made no attempt at hiding it – right in front of me. He flashed me a grin as he did.
I caught up with the customers before they checked out and they kindly allowed me to peel the sticker off. I stuck it in my pocket to show my manager.
I pulled the video, too, and I stormed into his office, refused to leave until he watched it. I studied him as his eyes moved across the screen and if he was upset or shocked, he certainly didn't show it.
Finally, he met my eyes, and at the sight of the pain in his – well, for the first time, I felt a sense of relief.
Until I realized why he looked so miserable. Until he whispered, “I'm sorry, Graham. Someone has to receive that award tomorrow. It's out of my hands.”
I wordlessly handed him that damn barcode sticker of Kevin’s that I’d peeled off. He studied it for a long moment before he handed it back to me with a mere, “Why don't you hold onto this.”
I told Elise what had happened over lunch, and as much as I appreciated her outrage on my behalf, I was already resigned to it. I'd mainly wanted to warn her because I had a sick feeling she'd be the one Kevin went after next.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't devastated when, that night, my boss called me into his office and informed me of the final standings. Yeah, I knew it was coming, but I guess it's just human nature to hold onto denial – hope – until the bitter end.
For what felt like an eternity, we stared at each other in silence. The presence of the pink slip of paper lying on the desk between us, said more than enough.
Finally, my eyes drifted down to the form.
He’d already signed, but the space where my barcode – the series of vertical lines spelling out my death sentence – should’ve been placed, was empty.
I never knew how this part went, since it always took place behind closed doors. No one that ever filled out that form lived to tell the rest of us about it.
“I need you to place a barcode here before I send the form to corporate.” he said, eventually.
I opened my mouth for one final, impassioned plea for my life, but he interrupted me. He spoke each word slowly, softly.
“I’m leaving the room now. I need you to place a barcode here, before I send the form to corporate.”
He stared at me for a long moment, waiting for my barely perceptible nod of acknowledgement before leaving me alone in the office.
They processed the paperwork, and announced the Employee of the Year that next day.
Yes, I did feel a pang of guilt as I watched the smug grin fade, the blood drain from Kevin’s face as he stared in shock at the outstretched hand of our manager – as he was thanked for his devotion to our company.
I felt it again as I watched him plead all the way to the breakroom, as our manager spoke to him the same mantra we’d all heard before.
The barcodes never lie.
But I thought of Gina, of the countless others, and by the time I heard the door slam behind him – the guilt was already gone. In its place, the relief of knowing the rest of us were safe.
Well, at least until next year.

I finished another Radiant Dawn run on the hardest difficulty and felt the bug to talk about tier listing again. Thanks for indulging me. My list:
https://i.imgur.com/8d4aPNg.png
Some commentary, from worst to best.
F Tier:
Lyre - This character has literally nothing going for her. Lyre has terrible bases, the worst class in the game, bad growths, and no endgame potential beyond being a mediocre filler unit. I can't imagine a worse character in Fire Emblem. Maybe Sophia. Even if you wanted to do an all-Laguz run, she can't crack the top 10. She isn't even force deployed on any maps. I cannot think of a single positive thing to say about Lyre.
Fiona - With even worse bases than Lyre and a baffling availability schedule, Fiona should be the worst unit in the game, but at least her class is solid. Female Silver Knight has bad caps overall, but good weapon types, speed, and a top-tier mastery talent. If you can endure the grind, you can make a unit with real contributions in the endgame. I feel like the game designers hate this unit, though; they make her arrive in a map themed around rescuing, but don't even let you recruit her to do any rescuing. The very next map is indoors. After that, we go to a swamp which is once again themed around rescuing, but Fiona isn't even available! After that? Another indoor map! Then another swamp! Then more cliffs! 3-13 is considered an indoor map and penalizes horse units! Literally the first map with wide open spaces to take advantage of cavalry classes that allows you to deploy Fiona is in Part 4. Her class level and bases are even bugged (allegedly). I can't believe how this game is engineered to ruin Fiona, and it's a miracle that she isn't the worst unit in the entire game.
Kyza - While he can be crafted into a tolerable lategame unit (better than many on this list who rank higher), there just isn't any reason to do so. He's got a terrible class (only cat laguz are worse), bad bases, and joins in a big pile of units that are a hundred times better at everything he can do. Need a tank? You've already got Brom and Gatrie on the team, and they don't untransform halfway through enemy phase. Kyza has the crown for most forgettable, pointless unit, but at least if you do train him for the experience, you get a unit that can kind of do something late game.
Makalov - Easily the worst of all cav units, any chance Makalov has to be good late game is betrayed by his poor class caps. He nearly escaped F tier by having a few useful turns in Part 2, but after some consideration, I honestly think he's more of a liability than helpful. The only units he can reliably hurt in Geoffrey's Charge are the ones that give you bexp if you spare them. I don't even like putting out fires with him; let the yellow units do it, so they don't run off and get themselves killed. Makalov is just a trainwreck of a character. At least he gets Sol.
Pelleas - As a secret character with a completely unique weapon type, you'd think unlocking him gets you access to some outstanding lategame growth unit with a big payoff for all your hard work. Nope. You get the worst mage in the game instead. While I give him a glimmer of usefulness for the potential to learn staves, you have to invest heavily in him to get there and it's just pointless when even Tormod can do the same thing for cheaper. I can't imagine a run where I'm relying on Pelleas as my 12th string healer for the tower. If you haven't really looked into the numbers, and you decide one day "I'm doing a Pelleas run!" you're going to find his bases shocking. What were they thinking here?
D Tier:
Sephiran - Kind of an easter egg at the end of the game, I considered not rating him at all (like the Burger King), but eh, he contributes something against Ashera I guess. Can't say much more here. Maybe, in an ironman, if you've lost all your non-Micaiah staffbots, you'll be glad when he joins? For barely squeezing out a microniche he escapes F tier.
Sanaki - Maybe I'm underrating her, but I just don't see the point. She needs heavy investment (particularly in seraph robes) to be able to survive the bosses of the tower. When she joins, she's just another subpar mage who doesn't even have the decency to learn staves. Her one saving grace is that she doesn't count against your 10 tower selections, so if you slap a paragon on her and get her battle ready, she can bless Meteor or something and make some contributions. The resources (including combat xp) you pour into her are better used on your real tower units.
Astrid - I considered dumping her in F tier. What the heck happened to the star paragon unit of Path of Radiance? Somehow, she's turned into a turd of a growth unit with atrocious bases, mediocre growths, and wacky availability. I only pulled her out of the gutter because of her class, and even with really awful strength and defense caps, she can turn into a solid tower unit. I've used her before and found she was legitimately not a waste of space as early as 4-1, where she was popping falco knights. I could see her be a good bird sniper in the Izuka map. Still, like all bad growth units, she's just not worth the effort.
Kurthnaga - While he can be fun to train, again, why? He provides the least useful of all dragon auras and just takes XP from your many units who still need it. Maybe make a Kurth juggernaut once for the experience, and then never again. If he joined at the start of Part 4, I can imagine him getting boosted a couple tiers, but nah, you can't be picking up new projects this late in the game.
Meg - Often times called the worst unit in the game, she is...somewhat underrated... as a midgame tank. A project unit for sure, and not worth it, but Meg does grow into a strong unit around 1-E and for all of Part 3. She can solo Ragnell Ike and the field of laguz in 3-13 pretty easily. You've got better options for that, but I do recommend experiencing a Meg run once just to see that it can be done. Ultimately, though, Meg can't escape D tier because her awful class caps betray her in the end, and her best attribute (speed) gets cut off at the knees.
Vika - The Tormod Squad all suffer from the availability curse, but Vika has it worst, since she desperately needs training to be viable at all. As if laguz weren't bad enough already, they can't take Discipline or upgrade weapons by any means other than the long, dark strike rank grind, and Vika has no time at all to do it. That leaves only her joining maps to recommend her, and she can do things like poke-canto or rescue villagers in the swamp, so that's something. If you force yourself to train her, she does gain incredible speed, but hitting twice for 0 isn't impressive. Her class also has cat-like gauge drain, and she can't gain any experience in part 1 due to bizarre laguz xp math, leaving Vika no angles to improve.
Stefan - Thrown in at the end like an afterthought, Stefan is (I would argue) the worst of all the Tower Gotohs, that is, the units that just join at the very end to make sure you have high level units for the tower. With bad luck and a fairly bad class, the only reason I can recommend bringing Stefan is if you want an Alondite unit and you don't like Renning for some reason. He just doesn't serve any purpose. He even joins in a map that locks down his movement. Take his sword and bench him.
Ena/Gareth - I put them together because they fill the same role: buffing your units to fight Ashera. While Gareth is legendary for getting wrecked by magic, Ena is arguably worse, as Ashera's physical attack can kill her too. While that's not nothing, I can't justify taking someone out of D tier when their entire purpose is to help a faster clear in one map, and you don't even really need them.
C tier:
Tauroneo - I had a hard time rating Big T. He pops in to dominate just a couple of chapters before disappearing until part 4. He's the worst Marshall, but gets boosted a tier over Meg because of his efforts in part 1. Marshall is a pretty bad class, but if you want one anyway, you've got two much better options that have tons of availability, so don't bother.
Heather - In a game that doesn't care much about thiefy stuff, Heather just doesn't have a key role to fill. She gets you a couple of stat boosters, which you can promptly feed to your units that cap everything anyway. I'll give her a leg up out of the worst tiers because she can rescue you in Oliver's Mansion if you ran out of chest keys, and the Fortify Staff is really, really good.
Muarim - Unlike Vika, he dominates his few part 1 maps, and he's still viable in Part 4 with his bases. Not bad! Unfortunately, with so little time to train him, you really have to invest heavily to get him tower-ready, and why bother? He's got an awful class and competes with much better units. I suppose he gets a slot in an all-laguz run.
Tormod - He kills that obnoxious wyvern rider on the swamp map. I give him a whole tier for that, because man, that thing is annoying. Beyond that, he's helpful for several part 1 maps, and he can be trained up to use staves for the tower.
Leonardo - The worst member of a great class, Leonardo will absolutely wreck with Double Bow, but the road to get there is harrowing. Only his prf bow's speed boost gets him out of D tier. Maybe even F. He's just such a liability for so long that I can't recommend him.
Ilyana - Strange that in a game where availability is so restricted, the number one most available character is so bad! She was great in PoR, too, but thunder magic has been substantially nerfed. I give her a lot of credit for her join map, which is arguably the hardest map in the game, and if you really work hard to level her, she gets staves with an excellent magic score. As with most units this far down, though, she's just outclassed by all the better options who do the same thing, and you don't need that many backup staff units.
Ranulf - Force deployed for what feels like a dozen chapters, Ranulf mostly hangs around to shove people and occasionally do some damage. He's got the worst class in the game, but unlike Lyre, has great bases that give him a nice little midgame role and then not much else. If you manage to feed him experience in Part 4, he's somewhat endgame viable, as long as you don't have much competition for the laguz gem.
Nealuchi - Like Ranulf, the old bird has a bright spot in the middle of the game where he's got some utility, but is best ditched when his time is up. I find him essential for 2-P and 2-1, a good contributor for 2-E, and then...well, that's a C tier unit.
Kieran - Bummer that he's so reduced here versus PoR, but at least his class gets better caps than most cavs, and he's viable as Geoffrey's sidekick for those odd chapters in Part 2/3. I can't hate him. He's easy to train and turns into a viable, if underwhelming, tower unit, but joining Ike's crew so late in Part 3 hurts him, as he is immediately outclassed by like two dozen people that you've been training for ages.
Lucia - She gets a big boost for being essential for 2-1 and viable in Part 4. If I was going to train a bad trueblade, I'm picking her over Stefan at least, but her lack of availability and bad class push her to the middle tiers.
Renning - An unfairly hated tower gotoh, Renning is your best freebie Alondite user, and has tolerable enough bases to hang out and contribute with your actual good units. He's just mediocre compared to anyone you've actually built up yourself, and he's clearly worse than Giffca and the royals. Many people do their ironmans with all royals banned for the challenge, and if that's you, Renning suddenly becomes a valuable backup unit that I would maybe bump another tier. As-is, he's just mid.
Volke - Ditto what I said for Renning, except he uses the Baselard instead, doubles auras without help, and can instakill people. I usually take Stillness off and give it to Micaiah, though, so his durability is a problem. Volke is like a super-trueblade and worth considering if you are low on viable tower units.
Giffca/Mufasa - The lion king and his shadow are virtually the same unit, except that Giffca has to use a laguz gem to transform for some reason (Guess he was borrowing his boss's formshift scroll last game?). I usually refuse to use them on principle, but I can't count that against them. They absolutely wreck the Tower but serve no other purpose. As the best of the Tower Gotohs, I can't justify higher than C.
Nasir - The best of the dragon auras, Nasir enables some aura one-rounding strategies that make a big difference. Still, we're talking about one dang map. When I made this I struggled with whether or not he should be down with Gareth and Ena, but I'm giving him a lot of credit for his special aura and his invincibility versus magic.
Sigrun/Tanith - The lesser two of the three Seraph Knights, they have one of the best classes in the game, but mediocre bases and growths. There's only one Wishblade, unfortunately, and while Seraph Knight is the best class to use it, that just means there's no reason to bring multiple of them unless you want to goof off with triangle attack. If Marcia turned out poor or you didn't use her, I recommend grabbing Sigrun (higher base level) for the Wishblade and training her up in Part 4. If you aren't training these units, they still get credit for flying utility in the desert.
Ulki/Janaff - Can't decide which of the twins are better here. With insane bases and no xp gain at all, these guys show up in part 3 to help shove people and generally help out when someone is in trouble. While they stay viable to the end (to the delight of the zero percent growth community), I don't get too excited by their lategame contributions. The laguz gauge is their Achilles Heel in part 3; I just can't justify relying on them.
Bastian/Oliver - My hottest take of this tier list, I have argued for a long time that Oliver is underrated as your Renault/Yoder character; that is, your staffbot gotoh who fills in to rescue ironmans. Bastian serves the same role, but slightly better. If your Micaiah is bad or untrained and you haven't leveled any of the project mages, these guys are your strongest staff users.
Devdan - Just as forgettable here as in Path of Radiance, Devdan suffers from bad bases and availability, and as the worst member of a meh class, there's just no reason to invest in him. I give him a lot of credit for major contributions in two key chapters without being a liability, and if you do train him, his superior caps make him arguably better than Kieran in lategame. Oh, and in part 3, he can climb that one ledge to keep it open. That's...something.
Calill - Helping out on a couple more midgame maps than Devdan, Calill is never good, but she can chip a bit here or there and usually isn't a liability. Anyone who can do anything in Elincia's Gambit gets a push in my book. If you do wind up making good use of her and slap on a crown, she's another backup staff unit with okay stats.
Lethe/Murderkaiser - The cat and tiger duo once again shows up midgame with good stats, bad growths, and a spot waiting for them on the bench. I find that they make a great contribution in part 2, remain viable in part 3, and...well, they exist in part 4 I guess. Mordecai can be built into a viable tank thanks to having vastly more time to grow compared to Muarim, and better everything compared to Kyza. Lethe has dramatically better strength than her idiot sister. Too bad the bad classes keep them out of the good tiers.
B tier:
Edward - We're getting out of the riffraff and into some viable units. While Edward is one of the weaker Dawn Brigade growth options, he is super helpful in numerous key early chapters where you desperately need it, and he can grow into a complete powerhouse. Just watch his growths as he naturally levels throughout part 1, and if he fails to pop off, bench him. If he crushes those strength and defense growths, though, he's an excellent choice for a Part 3 carry, as he's on the shortlist of units who can solo 3-13 - not the best one, but much easier to level than Meg, for example. His luck sword is I guess the worst of the DB prf weapons, but it's still decent for a long time, before you toss it for Alondite. If he didn't fall off in late part 1, he'd be A tier. Also, he's got a bad class and competes with at least one or two better units for that precious Alondite.
Soren - With magic nerfed in this game, Soren has no chance of breaking into the highest tiers, but he sure tries. I'd argue he is the best mage in the game. He's not too difficult to train, hits high magic numbers, and turns into the game's best staffbot (arguably) by endgame. While I'd rather bring a free Bastian than a high effort Soren to the tower, Ike's BFF gets a big boost from his super high availability. I never feel like he's a drag on the party.
Rhys - Like Soren, but you don't need to wait for staves, alright, Rhys probably snatches the prize of lategame staffbot from Soren, but not by much. He's hurt by awful physicals, which can make him seem like a liability, but your list of part 3 staff units is sparse, so he's going to contribute a lot every run, no matter what you have planned for him.
Mist - She's much weaker than Rhys in every way, but when she promotes, she gets Canto, which is wonderful for a frail unit. While Florete is bugged (or sucks by design, depending on who you ask) and there is no Sonic Sword, Mist is still viable as a mobile healer who won't let you down through the entire game. I know I keep saying different people are the "best lategame staffbot" but I swear this is the last one, it's really Mist.
Zihark/Volug - I paired them for nearly identical availability and the legendary earth/earth affinity, which gives them a niche in certain difficult part 3 maps where their contributions are invaluable. Neither character scales well into endgame (there are better options for trueblade) and they aren't invincible like Big T, but at least they show up for work. Use them as Jeigans in part 1 and tanks in part 3, then say goodbye.
Micaiah - Often called the worst lord in the game, she...probably deserves it. Oh no, I'm about to call her the actual best staffbot, aren't I? No, she's difficult to raise up due to being such a frail liability all game and having forced promotions. She gets big credit for a couple key Thani nukes early game, and she's a force deployed physics bot from 3-13 onward. Have I overrated her? Maybe, but I like healers.
Geoffrey - With a couple chapters designed to make him look good, Geoffrey is essential to clear the game, but his class caps keep him from getting into the elite levels. I find that he levels quickly in part 4 (without paragon, even) and holds his own. I really wish he joined with Kieran and the others. By endgame, he's a viable filler unit.
Nolan - A godsend in the early chapters, the Dawn Brigade would have died in the cradle without Nolan. He gets an amazing prf weapon and is easily viable as a part 3 carry, but I find him inadequate to solo 3-13 or reliably fight Ike. His strength and defense growth is just too poor, and he lacks the avoid to make up for it. Still, he has the best beorc class caps in the game, and after being reliable and useful for so long, you can reward him with careful bexp abuse to make sure he can slam the tower bosses with 62 attack power. There's something satisfying about seeing a human inflict lion-like damage to gods.
Laura - I always see her at the bottom of tier lists, but your only healer in part 1 (Micaiah doesn't count) deserves some love. She's a huge liability on the field, but think about how much harder Part 1 gets if she dies. She stays viable in part 3 (I usually savior backpack her with somebody) and is, yes, another top tier lategame staffbot. For being an essential unit for so long, and for having endgame potential, I can't see lower than B tier.
Simba - The lion prince needs paragon and some effort to get rolling, but boy does he! As an acceptable alternative to those cheating royal laguz, Skrimir is just an unstoppable powerhouse who can solo entire maps in part 4 if you let him. Until the white dragons show up, Skrimir is never in danger from anything other than his own stupid laguz gauge, which is why he's not in A tier. If you haven't tried slapping paragon and adept on Skrimir and letting him eat all of 4-P, try it once, it's hilarious.
Royal Trio - I put Nailah ahead of the bird brains for her availability, but they all have the same role: hold your hand through part 4. Tibarn can actually die to the crossbow guy in 4-2, which makes me laugh, and Naesala is downright mortal by comparison. I like to leave Pass on Nailah from part 1 and give her chest keys for Oliver's Mansion. All of these units are insanely strong and help trivialize the tower, which is why I don't bring them.
Singing Siblings - I know, putting Rafiel lower on the list than the others is blasphemy, but he's barely around through the whole game. He's widely accepted as the best tower bird (though I prefer Reyson), but other than Oliver's Mansion, what hard missions does he help out on? Rafiels' role is to help fight dragons and gods, which is a pretty good resume, so he's up this high. Leanne wins my heart for Elincia's Gambit alone, but she also helps make the bridge and desert maps more tolerable.
Marcia - A hot take here, but Marcia has a lot of availability and a positive, if underwhelming, contribution through most of it. By lategame, she turns into an excellent flier (Seraph Knights are truly amazing) and is, in my opinion, the single best Wishblade candidate in the entire game. Marcia never crushes this game like she does Path of Radiance, but I'm here for her.
Boyd - Notoriously tough to get rolling, Boyd has those insane Reaver caps and a lot of time to reach them. While he's just a project unit in part 3, he does crest that hill eventually and turn into a complete wrecking ball who trivializes the rest of the game. He easily hits 40 strength and isn't that tough to train up to 35 speed with bexp. He's the game's best Urvan user (as his caps are easier to hit than Nolan) and I only don't put him higher because it's a bit of a struggle to get him going.
A tier:
Rolf - People are going to lose their minds over this one. I'm always astonished how many people don't know that Rolf has 75% strength growth! Snipers are easy to level and have a great payoff, meaning that even if Shinon wins your double bow, you'll never regret bringing a second killer deadeye through the whole game. Imagine if Leonardo had Rolf's growths. Little bro is like Dmitri, but in the Wii era. Don't sleep on Rolf. He's amazing.
Nephenee - Sometimes overrated, sometimes underrated, Nephenee has top notch availability and is an essential unit for several chapters, and while she can get lost in the Greil Mercs spam, she quickly turns into a stellar well-rounded infantry unit who can carry the game. She's never bad and turns into another excellent Wishblade user, who I only put below Marcia for the tower due to lack of flying/canto. Due to high availability and never needing particular training attention, though, Nephenee skirts into the top tiers.
Mia - Unlike Path of Radiance, Mia starts viable and quickly takes off like a rocket, turning into your best Trueblade. Lacking only one strength in her final caps versus Edward, she's easier to level and, imo, your best overall Alondite unit. Because she is around so long and always helpful, she gets a bump.
Brom/Gatrie - Brom almost gets the nod for being an essential unit for so Part 2, but his falloff is noticeable, and his endgame potential as a Marshall is worse than, say, Nephenee. Gatrie picks up that slack and remains as one of your best Greil Mercs for the rest of the game. I could see someone valuing Brom's early contributions more and swapping this order. Both units suffer from the usual Marshall problems: bad caps, bad movement, competing with far better units for the best items.
Titania - The stalwart ride-or-die arch-paladin of Tellius, Titania doesn't carry hard like she does in the previous game, but she's immediately dominant and stays that way virtually forever. She has reasonable class caps (compared to other cavs, anyway) and is fine to bring to the tower, but you will notice a dropoff. Regardless of tower viability, she's so damn strong for so long that I can't rank her any lower.
Oscar - While he starts weak and is imprisoned by truly awful tier 2 caps, Oscar is still solid and provides that lovely earth affinity through a ton of chapters. Once he breaks into tier 3, he's immediately one of your best units, and stays that way for a long time. I almost rated Titania higher, but I think Oscar surpasses her and is a candidate for an early crown. If not for those tier 2 caps, he'd be S tier.
Shinon - Embarrassed by the "9 strength incident" in Path of Radiance, Shinon hit the gym and turned into a powerhouse from the moment he joins until the end of the game. He's never not great, and he only gets better as he gets his outstanding third tier caps and SS rank weapon. While he usually needs bexp to hit str and def caps, that's more a function of the highish caps than any weaknesses in growths. Shinon is almost breaking into S tier. If he was a flying archer, he'd be the next Haar.
Aran - The wrongest opinion in all of Fire Emblem is that Aran is bad. Just wrong, wrong, wrong. Aran starts as a weak unit among numerous other weak units, is easily trainable, and quickly pops off - 75% strength growth, again! - to turn into a juggernaut that surpasses everyone except the royals. By Part 3, Aran has made the rest of the Dawn Brigade redundant, and by 3-13, he's a walking god. I always laugh when I hear commentators talk about how difficult part 3 is, then minutes later, mention how bad Aran is. Well, of course it's hard if you don't use the best unit! I only keep Aran out of S tier because of DB availability and because his class caps keep him from stomping as hard in the tower, where he rarely doubles.
S tier:
Jill - Flying utility gives her the bump into the upper echelons. Slightly harder to train than Aran, she benefits immensely from the str and def items (which are useless to Aran, who caps immediately) and turns into another juggernaut. While she stays weaker than Aran throughout most of the game, the mobility is a factor, and she grows into one of your best endgame units. If you had to average the two games together, Jill is probably the best character in Tellius. Or Titania, it's hard to say, but it's definitely a canto redhead.
Sothe - Play this game: a trickster god deletes one character from your rom, permanently. Seize squares and game over conditions get reassigned, but you now have to play the rest of the game without that unit, forever. What's the absolute worst unit to lose? I cannot think of a worse unit to lose than Sothe. Is the Dawn Brigade even possible without him? I'm sure someone has done it. After making the game playable, Sothe falls off hard, but he can be trained into a sub-par Volke if you want. I contend that Tellius literally could not be saved without him. So why isn't he the absolute top tier? Well, I guess I'm weighing the rest of the game higher, but I'm not 100% convinced that's right.
Elincia - What a glow-up from PoR! The devs nerf her in 2-P to keep it difficult, but as soon as she gets her weapon, she turns into a flying healer who also wrecks things. I think she's a lock for the tower, even if you are dedicating six tower slots to royals and lions. While a weaker staffbot than some others I mentioned, she's good enough. And she flies! Elincia is just awesome.
Reyson - Speedrunners and LTCers prefer Rafiel for a better Turn 1 against Ashera, but I like Reyson's high movement and canto, and you have laguz gems by that point. As for the rest of the game, Reyson has by far the best availability of all herons - which isn't saying much, I know. I just wish this game wasn't so weird with dancers.
Ike vs Haar for the championship - People have debated between Ike and Haar since the game came out. I put Ike 2nd because, while he carries harder with Ragnell, he's still a normal (albeit stronk) infantry swordlocked unit for a long time before then. Haar saves your bacon in Part 2 (twice) and then carries Part 3 just for fun afterwards. He also has the best boss convos in 2-P and 4-E-2. Ike gets the boss convo award in 4-P, so this most critical of category tips the scales toward Haar. The real answer is availability + domination = top of the top tier. As if Haar wasn't stupid OP enough, he gets the best beorc defense cap in the entire game, because why not? He even beats out the Marshalls on Strength! And his mastery skill is better! Honestly, what were they thinking here? While Ragnell Ike is the strongest unit in the game, Totality Ike is only the second strongest.

Hey demons, It's me, ya boi...
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Notice: This story is about to humanity, but they are introduced much later into the narrative.
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First: Chains of The Veiled :
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Station 68 was one of necessity, built along with many others to remain active in the case it was needed during any sort of instance of Civilian Hardship. This was a place built for those with no path to rest and wait to walk a new one, and as such had many government-funded commodities to those that sought refuge here. Many found shelter here, homeless through any situation, from financial ruin to wartime refugees. They were civilian projects, for those who could not care for themselves, for those to rest and rely on until they could regain a foothold in reality. To regain control financially and socially.
This was not just free housing however, there are certain conditions that need to be met in order for your stay here to be acceptable. This wasn’t a service meant to be abused, it was for the homeless and poor alike, and those who needed it only... As such, the amenities provided weren’t stellar in any regards. There were recreational activities and freely distributed foods, but it was minimal and decent at best. It was free though, and beggars aren’t in a position to choose what kind of help they get. It’s enough to get reassurance that you don't need to worry about next meals. There was one thing about this place that was rather disappointing though… As Kazzi was currently complaining about in the seat across from me in the larger corner booth.
“Why pay for drinks?! Everything else here is free! Sure, it’s cheaper than anywhere else, but still! It just seems inconsistent with how everything else is here.” she spoke in a fit as she took another swig of alcohol. I could only sigh in a disappointed manner, finding Kazzi’s current behavior both unacceptable, and out of character. I knew that she was supposedly a party animal from what others in the department would suggest, but not to such a degree as to already be at her second bottle halfway into the evening.
After a second of regaining my barrings, I looked back up at the Fulkari woman to respond, “Well, drinking isn’t considered something that should be encouraged Kazzi. It’s an incentive to seek other means of coping with struggle, even if it’s as cheap as it is. It’s also more of a luxury on a station with barely any to give. The fact it’s as cheap as this despite its surprising quality really doesn’t seem to have the effect though. It seems like everyone that was on the yacht who escaped with us is also taking advantage of this feature.” It wasn’t a lie either, I say many others entered before and after us. All grabbing what they could, drawing the bartenders with requests as they wished to drown away problems.
Hopefully those staff got paid aplenty for dealing with shit like this. Some people were less than savory after having to deal with a mechanical extermination that removed them from their very way of life. Everyone and their mothers wanted something to down to distract from the trauma that flooded everyone’s mind, and I was no exception. With a glass of Vlekvir branded Whiskey, I took a long swig, downing a good portion of the bottle. Kazzi seemed to cheek me on somewhat, as she seemed to chuckle at my prolonged chugging. I simply rolled my eyes to Kazzi’s antics and continued to eat my meals. I made sure to drink enough water to not end up a complete Drunk, knowing that I was going to need to direct Kazzi back to the ship considering her tipsy state.
Why is it that I always have to hinder my fun just so this Fulkari doesn’t kill herself in the aftermath of her own?! It’s a serious issue that I refuse to tolerate any longer. Regardless of the current favor Kazzi had in this game of life, the tables would soon turn after I would help her back to the ship. Kazzi would owe me a favor for this, and that was something I intended to make good use of.
“Excuse me?” I heard, jumping at the suddenness of the question, spoke so close. I looked around frantically in response to being so startled, only to look down and find a small entity. A Kraviska, an insectoid species known for rapid repopulation with their method of reproduction being unique compared to most others. As long as they had a type of Queen to their hive, and enough meat and yeast to feed them, then they'd never run out of larvae. Her blue chitinous exoskeleton glistened in the light, and her four compound eyes bore an unease into my gaze. Her two claw-like pincers clicked as she spoke.
I took a moment to recollect myself from the scare, with Kazzi all but laughing at me in her tipsy state. I scoffed at her tease and looked back down at the Kraviska. “How did I not hear you walk over to us?” I asked her, and her antenna seemed to flicker up and down in her species form of embarrassment. For what I could only assume was the scare. She held herself low, keeping her tray of food close to her as she stuttered to respond. “I-I’m sorry,” She spoke. “It’s just something that I end up doing… I’m not trying to sneak about like I do, it just happens. I don’t understand why or how, but I make silent movements.”
“Is that a Kraviska thing, or just something that you do because…” I asked, leaving the question incomplete, waiting for a response. She looked to the side for all but a moment, antenna continuing to wiggle in embarrassment. “It’s something that I myself do, not my species. I’m sorry, I really am.” Seeing her hiding her face with her tray the way she was, I sighed and opted out of any further confrontation. “It’s fine, You just startled me is all… sorry for coming off as so hostile.” I said with a nod, a gesture meant to convey that I meant no escalation of conflict.
She seemed to ease up with this reassurance that I provided and lowered her tray from her face. Her face reverted back to her general curiosity that she initially spoke with. “I’m sorry for the scare. But… you see, the whole establishment is packed with patrons. My significant other and I can’t find a seat anywhere else. You’re in one of the larger booths, so I was wondering if maybe we could squeeze in? I-If you’d be willing, that is…” The Kriviska spoke in a meager tone, trying her best to be as polite as possible. I was honestly surprised to find such an non-confrontational member of her species, considering how prideful some of the supposed hive queens could be.
I nodded and responded in affirmation of the request, “Of course, there’s plenty of space for you and whoever else. Kazzi, could you move in a bit?” The tipsy fulkari huffed in annoyance as she scooted aside for whoever might need a seat. I gave her a glare, and one that seemed to have the expected effect. Being a hardened navy man, she was quick to correct her attitude when she saw me. As for the Insectoid, she nodded her head and went over to speak with…
A… A T’ccoj?! T’ccoj were silicon-based lifeforms that were essentially just massive electrical golems. Electrical signals capable of transmitting all about a metal interior which functioned as neurons in a brain in biological life. These electrical signals are so powerful that it allows them a limited ability to manipulate broad and wide bipedal legs they possess to move. They weren’t able to last long however, only able to live for a few hours after being struck with lightning. Only when they were discovered and provided robotic arms to manipulate tools, and battery packs to increase their menial lifespans, were they able to build up cities and civilization proper. T’ccoj were known for they’re adept learning and utilized in a plethora of roles. This T’ccoj in particular was large compared to most others, easily reaching my height, and my kind were one of the taller species.
When the insectoid walked over with the Living mineral, I found myself nervous and confused. Silicon life was always something that I was antsy around, I wasn’t sure why. It was just a great unease to speak with what was essentially a rock… It would be best to not call it that. I’m pretty sure that’s a racist term for lithoid life to refer to them as rocks.
The Kriviska hopped up into the seating and used her multi jointed legs to scutter across the cushions to the corner. She sat close to Kazzi and gestured to her silicon companion to take a seat just by her. Getting a better look at the T’ccoj, I saw the makeup of the living mineral. Its body was divided between crystalline orange and rocky brown textures. A battery pack along the back of its body, and powerful hydraulic based robotic arms allowing for heavy lifting. They were similar in color and texture to the T’ccoj’s natural body and moved in blocky and stiff manners like that of the Lithoid. It moved to sit downright next to the Insectoid…
What did the Kriviska refer to this entity as?! A significant other?!
“Allow me to introduce ourselves.” She spoke, regaining my direct attention. Whilst she did have my focus, my gaze was still trained on the T’ccoj, trying to get a better understanding of who I was dealing with here. “My name is Zikee, and this is Bocc… my husband.” Whilst I did my best to keep my shock as internal as I could. I found it baffling to see an insectoid like her with a lithoid like this. There was such a divide between compatibility, that I found it strange to be a witness of. Despite my ability to maintain composure, my Fulkari associate wasn’t so like me in the current state she found herself in. Being so tipsy caused her to nearly shout out in raw shock at the fact. As she spoke, it was slurred and unfiltered due to the unnerving amounts of alcohol in her system.
“You married a Lithoid? As a small and fragile Kriviska?! Wouldn’t that lead to some very dangerous situations, like being crushed by the big guy's weight?” I turned to glare at Kazzi, trying to shut her up from this drinking sprawl she seemed to invite with her comment. My glare didn’t have so much of the same effect as before. She seemed to have a bit more resistance to my influence due to the increased effect of her alcohol intake. I should have stopped her sooner, but decided against it since Kazzi needed some relief after the attack. I was beginning to regret that decision even more than before…
Zikee seemed to sigh an annoyed sigh, likely having this conversation many times before. “No… it doesn’t. We Kriviska’s don’t have as fragile exoskeletons as theories believe. Our kind developed in a high gravity world after all! I could bench press Bocc on certain low gravity worlds. Admittedly there are very few where that could happen, but they do exist! Not to mention that I love Bocc, they’re a joy to have around. A shy and gentle giant who’s all but the most tender with little ones. They’re my husband because I love them for who they are. They’re a loving soul despite the hardened exterior they have.” She turned to look at Bocc as she spoke, looking at them with a sense of compassion and devotion that I considered rare to see.
Bocc had a vocalizer attachment, one which allowed them to speak to others freely. Using the electrical signals in their rock brain to operate the machine and speak as needed. “My goal is to be the best I can be… For her. She deserves as much for all she does for me.” He said in a heartfelt tone of conviction. One which caused the Kriviska to turn her head in embarrassment. “Oh stop it you.” She teased, waving one of her arms at him in a dismissive manner, chuckling all the while.
“Seems like you two are really close and trust each other. Can I ask how you two met?” I asked, wanting to know the story to these two. It’s not every day that I find such an interesting duo like the one before me. Bocc seemed to respond on their behalf, “We met years ago when we fell on hard times. We met at a restaurant where I was working, and she was eating at the time. I decided to strike up a conversation after work and it ended up leading me to ask her out. We had our ups and downs, but we pushed through because of the understanding we share. Not to mention, despite our incompatibility in terms of physical appearances, we were never concerned with. We cared about each other because of who we were, not because of any other desires. We wanted to be with one another, because… We just love each other.”
… I was surprised to find such an outlandish couple to be one of the most wholesome I’ve ever seen. “But what about-” Kazzi began to ask before I shut her lips myself with my claws. Kazzi was about to ask something vulgar, and I refused to let her alcohol-ridden system ruin something so pure. The adoration in Zikee’s compound eyes was evident to the devotion she had for Bocc. “As long as we have each other, we’re complete. No matter what else we lose…”
Zikee’s comment left open many interpretations to be made, as the last part was spoken solemnly. As such, it led me to ask the question, “You were part of the evacuation of Fojhiam too, right?”
The two froze up for a moment, before turning back to me. They laid still and motionless as the thick air was left to permeate the surroundings of our booth. From their silence, a thousand words were spoken. It was clear that these two were very much victims like us, victims of tragedy and loss. As hundreds of billions of people lost connection with the wider galaxy. The whole event is almost taboo to speak on, despite us being witness to it. The two of them seemed hesitant to speak up, not wanting to confirm anything right yet. Despite the heavy air, and the stoic expressions they tried to wear, I could feel the heavy emotion radiate from them both. I was going to say something, but Bocc spoke first, their mechanical voice a product of the machine they spoke through.
“We were able to escape on a Jasvikan Superyacht. It was luck that was on our side for such a wealthy individual to permit us entry without leaving. I guess there are good people no matter the walk of life they take.” Bocc said, giving a general idea of his opinion of wealthy individuals. But what my attention gravitated to during their whole exposition was the ship they escaped on… the one that-.
“Oh, you escaped on my ship!” Kazzi spoke up, saying the statement with a drunken burp. I swear this Fulkari is going to be the death of me. The two were shocked at the idea, sitting before the owner of the ship that led them to safety. Zikee was completely stunned by the claim and stuttered to respond. “Y-You’re telling me… T-That you’re the owner of the Jaskivan yacht?! That’s insane! You must enjoy browsing the exotic side of the market! Regardless of the ship itself, you have no idea how grateful I am for you saving us!” She scuttered over to Kazzi to go about shaking her hand and conveying appreciation. The Fulkari woman was able to at bare minimum reply with equal appreciation, even if her words were slurred.
It was amusing to see, but turning to Bocc on the other side gave a completely different look. Something that seemed like a crack in the sort of shy and stoic personality which Zikee advertised. Their tone was one of barely contained anger, shrouded in annoyance. “So… were you the one that flew the ship? Or was it someone else?” Why he was asking that made me unnerved and concerned for my safety. I was the one who piloted the ship and did so in a way which tossed a few folks around, despite the prime conditions of the gravity generators. Was Bocc tossed about, and bitter about the condition that I inflicted upon him with my flying?
Kazzi was dismissive of the claim made by the T’ccoj, which caused the attention of the lithoid to shift onto me. T’ccoj’s didn’t have any sort of face, let alone a head. Despite this inability to convey emotion in a traditional manner, I could see in the way the Bocc composed himself that they were ticked off over something. “Was it you then?” They asked me, with a glare despite not having eyes. It terrified me to answer truthfully, because I was the helm throughout that whole escape. I was once a military man, serviced upon a warship during the outbreak of the GA-Foretold War. Even during the days of service, a loose cannon was the best way to describe my performance at the helm. For better or for worse, I was one to fly in a manner that could only contribute to great insanity.
Flying which seemed to be a major tick in the metaphysical eyes of the T’ccoj before me. I twiddled my claws as I struggled to respond. However, my reaction was enough to provide more than enough evidence to my role during the escape. Evidence which was swiftly examined by the Lithoid, and which attributed to the T’ccoj slamming the robotic appendages they possessed onto the table in aggression. They stood in place as they brought a claw to point directly at my face as they spoke in a tone which clearly cited their annoyance. “Do you have any sort of awareness of how your flying strains the reactor?! I was needing to evacuate the powerplant because of the dangerous conditions that the reactor was reaching with the overclocking that you set upon the suffering machine! Yes, you got us out of that nightmare, but you in turn caused me to experience one in turn! Do you have any idea of how devastating it is as a reactor technician to watch such a tremendously important machine be abused by such reckless flying?!”
Kazzi and Zikee both exchanged glances as they coward away from the seething lithoid, Bocc was creating a bit of a scene with the passion behind their anger. I was able to piece together the story in my mind relatively quickly. Bocc was without doubt the one on the other end of the call that I had during the evacuation. Calling the power plant to prepare for the overclock when I did. It makes much more sense now, considering my actions did cause major stress upon the Prestigious Vow’s framework. I began to speak in a last ditch effort to explain myself to the T’ccoj.
“Bocc, please understand that anything less than the extremes that I was pushing upon the ship wouldn’t have gotten us through the warp gate the way we did. I did what I needed to in order to prevent any contact with enemy missiles, and pass through the warp gate through the collapse. I’m sorry for the stress I put on the ship, but there wouldn’t be a ship if I did anything less.” I stated, causing the T’ccoj to flinch for a moment. I could tell from the way Bocc held itself that they understood that I was right. Despite agreeing with me, they shivered in aggravated annoyance with me for my reckless piloting.
The Lithoid grunted and begrudgingly slumped back into their seat. They held their hands up to the peak of their torso, like how one would palm their face with their hands. Despite not having a head, it was clear whatever was in its place for Bocc was hung low. A great disdain was ever present, but one whose initial prominence was substituted with a current sulking. “That poor reactor…” I heard muffled by the T’ccoj as they struggled to cope with the damage to the machine. I could tell without doubt that this reactor technician took their position very seriously, almost viewing the reactor system as an extension of themselves.
Zikee seemed to scutter to her lithoid partner and rest a claw upon their shoulder, giving them comfort as they seemed to wallow in misery at the condition of the ship. I won’t lie, whilst it got out of the evacuation the least banged up, that meant very little considering all the other ships. Some of those husks shouldn’t have been flying, but they hung within the drydocks of the station, waiting to either be taken to repair yards or scrap yards alike. Most couldn’t afford to repair them like Kazzi, as such I anticipated many of them to be scrapped. That was probably something that ached the lithoid.
“You seem to have a great love and reverence for these kinds of things. Technology is something that you adore isn’t it?” I asked, garnering the attention of the T’ccoj. “Indeed so,” Bocc replied not soon after. “It’s technology that has allowed my people to become a true civilization. To be able to survive for more than a few simple fleeting hours. We exist as a testament to the wonders that such technology provides, as such I feel indebted to the machines that encompass the everyday lives of those loyal to the Assembly. I want to one day understand every modern technological marvel, to one day become more than a reactor technician and become a true inventor.”
I felt a sense of warmth at the rather pure dream, and huffed in amusement before properly speaking. “Your passion for this goal will attest to it coming to reality. I wish you well in achieving it.” The lithoid seemed to appreciate my words of affirmation, and shifted to a much less stiff composure. Bocc sighed synthetically through their vocalizer, before looking back at me to respond. “Thank you for such supporting words Kovvak. I’m… I’m sorry for speaking the way I did. Even though it was a personal reason, it was still unacceptable for me to speak so brashly.”
“That’s quite alright,” I added. “We can all lose sight of what’s important when clouded by heavy emotion. I’m sorry for the reckless flying, but at least you’re here to curse me for it now rather than being cursed to walk through the next life alone, right?” The Lithoid only chuckled at my words. “You are most correct. Maybe I gave you too little credit before… I’m glad to be shown otherwise now.”
“I have that effect on people.” I speak in a joking manner, one which warrants a laugh from Zikee and Bocc. Kazzi said nothing, blacking out rather easily after the alcohol in her system finally took control. I could only sigh at the Fulkari woman… She’s going to really need my help handling such a prominent hangover once all is said and done-
“Everyone listen,” I hear someone speak up from the bar. Causing my train of thought to shift tracks towards the source of the commotion. I wasn’t the only one to have their gaze pulled to this new source, Zikee and Bocc also did the same. The Kraviska hoisting herself to look over the back of the seat towards the bar, and the T’ccoj having their robotic eye lift up without having to move themselves. Kazzi is still blackout drunk from all the alcoholic influence she was subjected to at the moment.
What was a simple conversation between strangers turned into a strange situation as the bartender moved their appendage to show a remote, one with had their eyes fully trained on as they poked away at numerous buttons. The remote was one for the televisions, as they shifted to switch to CCNN, the Core Central News Network. The tv volumes also increased to ensure that this was the main attention grabber in the room. Whilst that was the case, I also looked outside to find that many of the overhead televisions and other such devices were being changed to shift to what seemed like breaking news. The CCNN showed their host news anchor speaking on the GA council head. The representatives of each of the Elder species of the entire organization were present. Each one standing before a podium being recorded by the camera which was transmitting across all channels. This was a PSA, a majorly important PSA given the presence of such important people being presented.
Already I knew well what this was about. After all, practically everyone here in the establishment was a victim of the tragedy. Majority on the station were all there on Fojhiam as it fell. Not everyone in the universe knew however. There were still many worlds in the GA, among outreaches that took around a full day of travel to achieve. The GA would only ever make announcements like this under certain conditions and never anything less.
All instances pertaining to massively influential events. Almost all of them are related to disasters…
The woman who stood in the middle podium was tall and lanky. A Svenoiraq, one of the eight founding species, and chairwoman of the galactic assembly’s council chambers. With three long and spindly fingers holding down firmly at the edges of the podium, her pale white skin glistened against the fabric backdrop of the set. A long neck and pale flat face, adorned with four binocular eyes and a vertical mouth. Chairman Ryu was the most powerful in the GA, and her presence at the PSA conference was no mistake.
“My fellow sapients”, she spoke in a calculated manner, with little emotion in her voice. Her eyes glazed over with an almost lifeless expression, magnified only by her monotone voice. “18 hours, 56 minutes, and fourteen seconds ago, we of the GA high command received an alert regarding unregistered fleet activity in the Fulkari home system. An unknown fleet of an origin that is both mysterious and obvious all the same. Before you, shall be shown what little footage we managed to recover from one of the military vessels that escaped the carnage. I beg you to avert the eyes of your children.”
A Holographic display formed behind the Elders, one that provided the perspective of a ship camera. Raw and unedited footage based on the condition of the camera. A small display was provided in the corner to monitor activity on a diverse and extensive sensor grid. One which remained inactive for what seemed like a concerning amount of time. It was choking with the amount of mental strain this silence caused. In all but a single nanosecond, the display shifted to show the sensor grid flaring alarming all about as a literal supernova worth of activity just spawned… instantaneously, lights flared and sensors went awry with panic. The sensor display on the left showed the size of the active Fulkari fleet compared to that of the enemy that just materialized in the system. And the difference was that of night and day. The Fulkari defenders all but a single atom to the cell of power that was the black fleet. It didn’t matter that those black ships seemed unshielded, the sheer amount of them was more than enough to overpower the Fulkari.
The camera gave all the more unease, as instantly, light from distant stars appeared almost snuffed from reality as the mass of forces blotted any room for light to weave through. Faint lights were visible, which conveyed a sense of primal hatred. Hatred with seared through space like hawking radiation from all but the smallest of singularities. This was only then followed by battle footage, of the enemy forces punched through the stationed defensive craft with beams of terrible firepower. Invisible powers that caused massive explosions upon the defending craft, grilling anyone unfortunate enough to not immediately die. All but a second later was all that it took for the camera to finally be struck, the station that it was attached to likely receiving critical damage. Footage only received by the crews working hastily to escape with all the data they could.
That was all that was recovered from the military craft, all we had as to the source of the Black fleet. A clue with no trail, a lead with no start… but despite the mysterious air to the whole situation, the source of this attack was as obvious as the light of day. With the chairwoman speaking up, the silence was much less heavy than a few seconds before.
“This recording received from one of the surviving members of the planetary Garrison was nowhere near enough to receive a definitive claim on who assaulted the Fulkari territories. As the ships which by all accounts seem to be AI automated, are unheard of in our collective spaces but the most likely theory is what we all suspect. My fellow sapients, such technology is foreign to us, outside of GA jurisdiction and influence. No force could be built within our space without our noticing, and such technology to simply appear in a fixed point in space exists in our collective. There’s only one source we can possibly theorize is the source of this attack. Until any further evidence is presented in spite of the assumption, it’s very much likely that The Foretold Survived… And have bided their time building up these mechanical forces.
“Such a theory, whilst unfounded, is terrifying to reminisce on, especially considering the implications. They were already dangerous without their hostilities to the GA… now more than ever we face a threat of an even greater magnitude. One that is to meet in full force… As such, we of the high council call upon the members of the GA to begin preparations to re-enter wartime production and prepare for total War. Now more than ever we must be ready, for time is no longer on our side.”
It certainly wasn’t…
…
I can’t help but think of how this is a fate that we’ve inflicted upon ourselves… do we really deserve this?
Maybe…

BACKGROUND

GHB is a party drug that produces feelings of euphoria, confidence, relaxation and sociability. Smaller doses can be more stimulating and larger doses can be more sedative.^[1]

TIME ^[2, 3]

• GHB takes effect in 15 to 30 minutes
• Effects last 3 to 6 hours
• Detected in blood ≤ 4 hours
• Detected in urine ≤ 12 hours

CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM EFFECTS ^[3]

• euphoria
• drowsiness
• decreased anxiety
• confusion
• memory impairment
• visual hallucinations
• paradoxically, excited and aggressive behavior
• GHB greatly increases the CNS depressant effects of alcohol and other depressants.

EFFECTS ^[3]

• Low doses of GHB produce nausea
• High doses of GHB can result in:
• Unconsciousness
• Seizures
• Slowed heart rate
• Greatly slowed breathing
• Lower body temperature
• Vomiting
• Nausea
• Coma
• Death

SOURCES

• [SOURCE 1]
• [SOURCE 2]
• [SOURCE 3]
• [SOURCE 4] ^{Waterfall Bar Menu indicates 3 brands on tap but indicates others are available. Publication date is unclear.}

FACTS AND OPINION

FACT 1: The 11:58pm Waterfall receipt indicates John O'Keefe paid for 3 drinks: Bud Lite Bottle, Miller Lite Lager, Tito's. They are listed alphabetically, not in order of purchase.
OPINION: Anecdotally, people generally have a "preferred" beer. Why would OJO have two brands? Option 1: He bought a beer for someone else. Option 2: The Miller Lite was a draft and/or tasted weird (skunky, or?) so maybe he switched to a bottle of something else. Sometimes the draft lines haven't been cleaned in awhile... but sometimes the taste of bar drinks can be impacted by GHB... This may be important later. ^[4]
FACT 2: Witnesses indicate Karen was drinking a clear liquid from a clear glass. She and John are also described as overtly affectionate.
FACT 3: CCTV shows John taking a swallow of a clear liquid from a clear glass and exiting the bar with glass in hand.
FACT 4: Karen drove her vehicle, a dark Lexus SUV, while John rode in the front passenger seat.
OPINION: Someone who is particular about people cutting through their lawn and particular about the kids' breakfasts is unlikely to be okay with drinking and driving. Option 1: John believed Karen was not impaired. Option 2: John's own judgment was impaired and therefore he didn't realize she was impaired.
FACT 5: Witness Heather Maxon believes she saw two occupants, one male, in the dark SUV that ultimately pulled up in front of 34 Fairview.
FACT 6: Witness Ryan Nagel believes he saw an SUV not in park, with in-tact tail lights and without rear damage, containing only a female driver facing forward with hands on the wheel. Neither Maxon nor Nagel saw John O'Keefe in or outside of the vehicle as they were leaving.
FACT 7: Karen awoke from John's couch after 4am. She could not find him and had no memory of what had happened 4 hours earlier. She was immediately frantic and distraught about his absence. She believed she'd last seen John at the Waterfall. Her behavior does not seem consistent with a traditional hangover.

THEORY

What if someone in this already-established collection of pranksters/roughhousers (including at least one potentially jilted paramour) slipped something into their drinks? Option 1: Someone slipped something into Karen's drink, and John is accidentally also drugged when he drinks from her glass. Option 2: Someone slipped something into BOTH Karen's drink and John's drink. John is accidentally dosed a second time when he drinks from Karen's cup.
Ask yourself this: who would benefit from 2 to 4 hours of Karen's and John's memory loss? What could be done to them while they were impaired? Why was Jen McCabe so insistent about them attending the "after-party"? What, if any, was the "surprise" Jen had for Karen? Did she want to see them make fools of themselves or be made fun of? Did she want a front-row seat to watch the entertainment portion of a prank?
If both Karen and John were drugged/impaired without their knowledge, and both attended, the possibilities range from relatively harmless silly photos or an intent to embarrass Karen and John to more nefarious plans, like SA to Karen or maybe roughing up John. He could be a human punching bag and then wake up on the lawn and have no idea where he was or how he got banged up. Unless someone accidentally took it too far and caused the injury to the back of his head.
There'd be no memory of anything that happened. There'd be no evidence of a drug in their systems. Rumors have indicated Karen didn't stay at the Alberts' house because she didn't feel well and was confused about if they were welcome. By the time her blood was drawn at the hospital, it was well after the 4 hours that GHB can be detected in the bloodstream.
Look at the list of effects and side-effects again.

• euphoria
• drowsiness
• decreased anxiety
• confusion
• memory impairment
• visual hallucinations
• paradoxically, excited and aggressive behavior
• nausea and vomiting
• unconsciousness

Is it really so far-fetched to wonder if someone laced their drinks, even as a prank? We're already entertaining two bizarre scenarios: a hit-and-run without evidence of a hit versus a widespread cover-up. Is it really beyond the scope of possibility?

Just had it done this morning! wanted to share my experience as i read like every experience post here beforehand lol
I was scheduled for 10:30 got to hospital around 8 and was prepped and ready by 9. Prep consisted of urine test, routine questions, gown, iv, and heated blankets. Talked to the OR nurses, anesthesiologist, and surgeon (who is a family friend which was so nice). We were able to go in early so I was under around 10:15 and woke up in recovery around 12:30. (They also found endo which is vindicating as ive had pain for years!) Didn’t have any nausea or sore throat or uti pain when peeing. Overall just felt sleepy and tender. Had some ginger ale and graham crackers. Got up to walk and pee around 2 and was discharged afterwards. Felt extremely fatigued and sore when i got home. Most painful thing was getting in and out of bed but even then is was only like a 5/10. Had a small migraine later but i chalk that up to caffeine withdrawal and the anesthesia wearing off. Currently cycling 600mg ibuprofen and 1000mg Tylenol, also prescribed gabapentin. 10pm now and im feeling overall ok, surprisingly no shoulder pain i read a lot of people got. definitely recommend having cough drops to avoid straining coughing thats the most painful thing so far. And a cold cap if you are prone to headaches.
shoutout to my surgeon/gynecologist for being absolutely amazing! Heather Florescue at Highland Hospital in Rochester NY!

For the first time since his incarceration, Bankman-Fried described his daily life in a detailed interview with journalist William D. Cohan of Puck:

On a recent Tuesday, I went to the Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn for an intimate chat with America’s most famous prisoner, Sam Bankman-Fried. During our 75-minute conversation, we discussed everything from Caroline Ellison and the travails of his new life, to his regrets about the demise of FTX and his forthcoming appeal.
I got the distinct impression that Sam still doesn’t believe he committed any crimes, only that he was the one responsible for putting FTX in a position where it was vulnerable to a bank run and the devious actions of its competitors

WILLIAM D. COHAN -- May 9, 2024
On Tuesday afternoon, I found myself in the most unusual circumstances—sitting on a small plastic chair at a cramped table in the Metropolitan Detention Center, the federal prison on 29th Street in Sunset Park, in Deep Brooklyn. Outside, it was a gorgeous day, the sort of picturesque and slightly humid one that inevitably reminds longtime New Yorkers of the weather on the morning of September 11th. Inside the prison’s visiting room, however, there was no natural light, no sunshine, only the Hitchcockian buzz of fluorescent bulbs and three vending machines standing in a corner. Posters on the wall attempted to compensate for the bleak atmosphere by buoyantly welcoming visiting families.
I first met Sam Bankman-Fried in December 2021, during the height of his power and influence, when he was the richest person in the world under 30. My friend Anthony Scaramucci, a.k.a. The Mooch, had connected us. On a cold winter night at the One Hotel, on Sixth Avenue, I interviewed him for a documentary I am part of making about Bitcoin and its developer, Satoshi Nakamato. Sam showed up an hour late, in a black t-shirt and cargo shorts, apparently having just flown in via private jet from the Bahamas. A month later, Sam’s cryptocurrency exchange, FTX, would raise its final $400 million round of financing from a group of highfalutin investors—led by Softbank, Temasek, and Paradigm—at a valuation of $32 billion, making the company one of the most valuable in the sector. At that moment, Sam was said to be worth $26 billion.
This week, we reconnected amid very different circumstances. Sam and I arranged for this visit through his Corrlinks email account, at the suggestion of his mother, Barbara Fried, and the family’s prison advisor. We met on Tuesday around 1 p.m. because that was the only day that visiting hours are permitted at MDC, a hangover from the Covid era. Prisoners can have visitors for one of two sessions, either starting at noon or at five in the afternoon.
We were meeting later than noon because of the staffing shortage at the facility. I was allowed to bring in $1 or $5 bills, up to a total of $30, in case I wanted to buy Sam some water, soda, or snacks from the humming vending machines. I was told to put my $20 bill as well as my wallet and iPhone into a locker. Sam was not permitted to buy anything himself.
Following about an hour of bureaucratic snafus (I went to the wrong building at first, and I wasn’t wearing dark pants—although an exception was made for me) and other forms of prison processing (shoes and belt off, metal detection, sticking my hand in a scanner) I was finally allowed inside the prison, without a phone, a watch, a recording device, or even a pad of paper and a pencil. (I knew this in advance, of course, and set about preserving my recollections of our conversation immediately after leaving the facility.)
After a few minutes of waiting, I looked up to see Sam Bankman-Fried, over in the corner, dressed head to toe in a chocolate-brown prison jumpsuit, along with the still-wild frizzy hair that has been his trademark. These days, Sam looks considerably thinner than the last time we met—it appeared he’d lost 25 pounds, at least. But he looked better and fitter than I thought he would, to be honest—less pudgy, less manic, less fidgety, no bags under his eyes.
He was sustaining himself on rice and beans, he said, because the prison food was unsurprisingly inedible, especially the vegan entrées he was served, which his fellow inmates thought literally smelled like shit. He wasn’t complaining, mind you; he noted that he was just trying to make the best of a bad situation. The rice he buys at the prison commissary has become one of the currencies of the realm inside MDC. We joked briefly about how the arbitrage opportunities in jail were better than anything he experienced trading crypto at Jane Street Capital or buying and selling assets at Alameda. He looked me in the eye pretty much the whole time, something he rarely did with people in the old days.
After we shook hands, he sat down in his own plastic chair as a camera watched us from the ceiling. We were surrounded by a couple of other inmates, dressed similarly, facing their visitors. Sam declined my initial offer to buy him some snacks but ultimately agreed to a $4 bottle of water and a small $2 package of Wheat Thins, which he eagerly consumed.
We talked for the next 75 minutes or so, the first in-person interview he has given to a journalist since he was locked up in the MDC last August and then subsequently convicted of two counts of wire fraud, conspiracy to commit wire fraud, securities fraud, commodities fraud, and money-laundering at his federal trial in November. In March, he was sentenced to 25 years in prison. Our chat, under these rather drastic circumstances, was a profoundly jarring and fascinating experience.

Prison Diaries

Sam began by answering my question about his life in prison. According to him, he lives in an area of the jail that was dedicated mostly to incarcerated women, save for the 35 men with whom he shares a dormitory-style existence in a big open room—bunk beds, no privacy, extreme boredom, and four television sets tuned to ESPN, Telemundo, BET, and a news channel. Sam said he could try to persuade his fellow inmates to change up the channel selection, but television bores him, so he has no interest in that challenge. He prefers watching a small selection of movies or playing some inferior video games on a tablet, without an internet connection, that the prison provides him and other inmates.
When I told him he seemed better than I had anticipated, he replied that he’d become good at faking it. So, yes, life inside the MDC is not the Bahamas. But, truly, I had expected to see him coping less well. At the MDC, Sam has mostly been permitted his prescription medications, and the cocktail he’s been allowed has him thinking clearly, he said, and energized for the legal battle he plans to wage soon against the verdict.
In the meantime, he told me, he doesn’t fear for his safety. He can use the bathroom and shower a couple of times a week in peace. He’s always been a light sleeper, and he’s still not sleeping soundly at the MDC, but mostly because people sometimes bug him during the night about those bags of rice, which they intend to use to barter. He has not been touched or abused, and he seemed notably thankful for that.
He acknowledged that he has a unique rap sheet at MDC, and his fellow prisoners indeed recognize him. He estimated that about half of the other 35 men in his unit were murderers who had been turned into cooperating witnesses for the prosecution in exchange for not serving a life sentence. In prison, many inmates consider cooperating witnesses the lowest form of vermin, lower even than child molesters. Sam also told me that some of the other prisoners tried to get close to him, thinking they would benefit financially from the proximity to a former billionaire. He doesn’t play along, he said.
We didn’t talk about his trial strategy or whether he intentionally siphoned off the $8 billion of FTX customer funds into Alameda. Both topics seemed moot at this point. We did discuss his onetime girlfriend, Caroline Ellison, whom he selected to run Alameda after lawyers kept hounding him about the inherent conflicts in him running both FTX and the hedge fund. (He chose to run FTX.) He acknowledged that he had asked a few other people if they would be interested in the role, but they turned him down. Ellison, he said, was a good manager of people and a good administrator but didn’t like making big investments and didn’t like taking risks. (Obviously, this seems like a bizarre aversion for a hedge fund manager, but I didn’t belabor the point.) In any event, Alameda ended up doing both.
He regretted that he had not tried harder to find another executive. He also said he should have ignored the lawyers and just kept running both FTX and Alameda, conflicts be damned, sort of like how Elon Musk oversees his various companies. Wishing he had ignored his lawyers’ advice emerged as a theme of Sam’s during our visit.

Legal Therapy

We did talk a fair amount about his appeal and about how he believed he was set up to be the fall guy—the victim of the old build-’em-up-only-to-tear-’em-down narrative arc. His theory of the case was that by the fall of 2022, it was every man for himself on a boat that looked to be sinking. By early November 2022, FTX was facing a liquidity crunch. Sam first sought a deal with Binance, which quickly fell apart or was never truly real, and was in the process of trying to raise billions in capital when his lawyers advised him to turn the keys of FTX over to John J. Ray III, which he did. Ray quickly filed FTX for bankruptcy and installed Sullivan & Cromwell, the company’s outside counsel, as counsel to the debtor.
Sam became the target of federal prosecutors, he told me, soon after FTX’s outside counsel at Sullivan & Cromwell made a presentation to them, on November 9, 2022, a day or so before the bankruptcy filing, about what they believed Sam may have engineered between FTX and Alameda, which has been described as the theft of $8 billion of customer money. In a sworn declaration about that meeting, S&C attorney Andrew Dietderich said he reported to the D.O.J. only what Ryne Miller, FTX’s U.S. general counsel, told him about a problem of “reconciling digital assets with entitlements” on FTX’s U.S. exchange, and nothing about Sam and his alleged transgressions.
Sam told me that had he not been persuaded by Sullivan & Cromwell and then by his personal attorneys to relinquish his job as C.E.O. to Ray, the company would not have filed for bankruptcy, and it would still be a thriving enterprise, worth $80 billion now. In this alternate reality, he would be worth $40 billion and he certainly wouldn’t be at the MDC. (S&C declined to comment on Sam’s theory of the case. It’s also fair to reiterate here that Sam was sentenced to 25 years in prison after a jury convicted him of the crimes described above.)
I got the distinct impression that Sam still doesn’t believe he committed any crimes, only that he was the one responsible for putting FTX in a position where it was vulnerable to a bank run and the devious actions of its competitors, not unlike how both Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers failed in 2008. Why, Sam wondered, was he prosecuted when no one at either Bear or Lehman faced criminal prosecution? During our chat, Sam was contrite and certainly chastened, but not exactly apologetic: He was adamant about his innocence, aside from a few degrees of negligence—punishable, in his view, perhaps by civil consequences, not criminal penalties and a quarter-century sentence.
According to Sam’s theory, he isn’t in prison for commingling assets of FTX and Alameda. Instead, he’s an innocent guy who didn’t get a chance to negotiate a deal with the federal prosecutors, and wonders why he was even prosecuted at all for what he believes was a form of a bank run. Instead, they just presented him with his indictment and told him he could eat it— accept it and plead guilty and then get sentenced, or go to trial and try to fight it. Since there was no plea bargain on the table, he said, he fought the charges at trial, and lost. Unlike his fellow inmates, he told me, Sam speaks to his new attorney nearly every weekday for an hour or so, as the focus of his appeal comes into view. He expects to file it this fall. Yes, he will appeal, but most people think he faces long odds of success.
On the day of my visit, Sullivan & Cromwell, still counsel to the debtor-in-possession in FTX’s bankruptcy case, filed a first draft of a plan of reorganization that appears to give its customers and creditors all of their money back, plus a little more—a return of $15 billion on $12 billion of claims—in large part because of the investments Sam made through Alameda. The plan, which still has a long way to go before being confirmed, also gives Sullivan & Cromwell, along with other FTX advisors, “exculpation” from future lawsuits related to its conduct in the matter. This is not unusual in a plan of reorganization. But Sam has exhaustive thoughts on this subject, which I may explore with him in a follow-up conversation.

Go West, Young Man

I’m not sure how much longer Sam will be at the MDC, and neither is he. He has asked to remain in Brooklyn at least until the fall, when his appellate brief will be filed. But that’s not up to him, of course. If he gets moved, which could come at any moment without warning or explanation, I’m told, it would probably be to California, closer to Palo Alto, where he grew up, the son of two Stanford Law professors. At that point, the question will be whether he gets to spend his incarcerated years in a federal penitentiary, which are mostly nasty places filled with hardened criminals, or in more of a minimum security prison, as Mike Milken once did.
If he does get moved out of Brooklyn, his family and legal team worry, he could spend as long as four months on a bus, handcuffed to the seat, making his way, slowly, across the country. Such prison buses make frequent stops—picking up new prisoners, dropping off others—which explains why they take so long to reach their final destinations. There’s also a remote possibility that he could be placed on one of the many planes operated by the U.S. Marshals Service, a.k.a. “Con Air.” But he’s more likely to get the infamous “diesel therapy,” they fear. Either way, during this hypothetical cross-country journey, Sam would be completely incommunicado with both his family and his lawyers until he reaches his new home in California, deprived of the minimal access to the internet and email he now enjoys in Brooklyn.
Just as we were getting ready to discuss some knotty issues, such as his choices during his trial or the fact that many of the people who once worked for him had turned against him to save themselves, our visiting time was up. It was non-negotiable. We quickly shook hands again. Then Sam went back to his dormitory and I went back outside into a glorious spring afternoon.
Credits/Via: https://puck.news/exclusive-prison-chat-with-sam-bankman-fried/

https://tj.news/new-brunswick/shadows-of-nb-power-hydro-quebec-deal-in-new-law-critic
Green leader David Coon raises concern that new Tory bill allowing public utility to forge partnership might lead to partial sale
Author of the article: John Chilibeck • Local Journalism Initiative reporter
Published May 15, 2024 • 4 minute read
The Progressive Conservative government has introduced a bill in the legislature to allow outside firms to run some of NB Power’s operations and take an ownership stake in the public utility.
The move immediately led to questions about who would eventually have control of the public utility – New Brunswickers or people from elsewhere.
It also comes 14 years after a deal between the former Liberal government of Shawn Graham to turn over NB Power power plants to Hydro-Québec crumbled amidst growing public outcry about the potential sell-off and the utility’s steadily deteriorating finances. The Liberals were trounced in the following provincial election in 2010.
“NB Power is currently not able to enter into strategic partnerships with subject matter experts or third parties and we wanted to give the flexibility to the utility to be able to do that,” Energy Minister Mike Holland told reporters after tabling the bill on Wednesday. “For instance, on Lepreau.”
Now $5 billion in the hole, NB Power recently caused rate shock by raising its prices for residential customers by 13 per cent in April, a figure it plans to repeat next year.
It has already been working with Ontario Power Generation, or OPG, to run the troubled Point Lepreau nuclear plant near Saint John more effectively after multiple breakdowns caused millions of losses over the last several years.
NB Power CEO Lori Clark said last year her organization was hoping to come up with a long-term deal that could include an ownership stake for the powerhouse firm from central Canada.
“I don’t know. You’d have to speak to NB Power,” the minister said, to the incredulity of reporters, who peppered him with more questions. “I’m not at the table on those negotiations. I know OPG involvement at Lepreau has seen significant improvement. They are working positively and favourably toward a deal, but I don’t have any specifics to when they could put that together.”
The amendments will also allow NB Power to borrow money at more favourable interest rates, backstopped by Ottawa’s superior credit rating, for big projects, such as the upcoming rehabilitation of the Mactaquac Generating Station near Fredericton, upgrades at Lepreau and the conversion of the Belledune Generating Station in northern New Brunswick from coal to wood pellets, expected to cost billions. In the past, it always borrowed money at the interest rates the provincial government could secure, which are not as low.
Holland, who has been minister for five years but will not re-offer in the next election, said the changes would be beneficial to ratepayers, as they’d help keep electricity prices lower.
Green party Leader David Coon didn’t have time to examine the bill thoroughly before talking to reporters, but he warned much of the changes depended on the regulations the government would eventually pass, all of which remain secret.
He said he had two concerns: the impact on New Brunswickers’ electricity bills, and the province’s ability to govern its own electricity system.
“We haven’t heard much at all from the CEO of NB Power lately, things are going on in the background and she’s been extremely quiet,” Coon said. “It’s the people’s power company and everyone needs to be apprised of what the plans are. I expect they’re pretty shy, given what happened to the Liberals in the past when they tried to sell NB Power and the public reaction to that. New Brunswickers don’t want to see their power company sold off. That’s not what this bill is proposing but there are shadows of it here.”
NB Power’s CEO declined an interview request.
“We welcome the legislative changes introduced today as they will allow NB Power to pursue partnerships and options that ensure affordable, safe and reliable electricity for our customers while improving the financial health of the utility,” said NB Power spokeswoman D’Arcy Walsh in an email. “Discussions on a potential partnership with OPG are ongoing. We are approaching this partnership through the lens of ensuring it is in the best interests of New Brunswickers.”
Liberal Deputy Leader René Legacy said he didn’t find the bill surprising because there were only so many ways NB Power could get more money to fix its power plants and powerlines.
“My concern is when the minister comes out, he talks about partnerships, about putting everything on the table, but we never get a sense of what the strategy is,” he said. “It’s three times he’s opened the Electricity Act, and there’s always something attached to it, but come clean and tell us what you’re trying to get done.”

Like That - Opening cutscene
7 Minute Drill - Ally tries to attack Kendrick first boss fight
J Cole apology - Ally runs away
Push Ups - Getting upgrades
Rick Ross, The Weeknd, etc. disses - Main levels
Taylor Made - Only available in the Beta
Kanye Like That Remix - Bonus level
The wait for a Kendrick diss - Loading screen
Euphoria - The Kendrick attacks for the first time
6:16 in LA - The Kendrick hits hard, but leaves you alone... for now
Family Matters - In one of the final chapters, you choose the "Hurt Kendrick's Family" dialogue option and steal Kendrick's prized possession(the van)
Meet the Grahams - Unfortunately, the "Hurt Kendrick's Family" option leads you to the "Bad Ending" where the Kendrick holds your family hostage and kills you
Not Like Us - Ending Credits
The Heart Part 6 - Drake accidentally deletes his save file☠☠☠

I hit a year. A bit past that now actually, May 9th was my year. I've honestly been debating on whether or not I want to post this, but I've decided that I do (prepare for a rant).
Now, don't get me wrong, a lot of things have gotten better with my newfound sobriety. I was drinking upward of a litre of Jameson Irish Whiskey on the daily, paired with beers or whatever mixed drinks I was feeling on the particular day. So most definitely, the daily hangovers are not missed.
However having to deal with the consequences of my own choices, without a vice to numb myself, is admittedly quite painful. Basically, shortly before quitting drinking I landed myself with a DUI, and shortly afterward a mischief charge for firing a paintball gun in the street (just at a lamppost in the middle of the night, for the record). Also, in the time between these charges, I lost my job (also due to my drinking). ALSO at the time, the bank had pre-approved me for a $10,000 line of credit (SCORE!! Right??!). Wrong.. Due to my lack of employment, I basically just lived off this line of credit (as well as liquidating my stock portfolio) to cover my rent and of course my bender.
Now, I've been fortunate enough to get back in with the employer that dismissed me (also taking a $2/hr pay cut to get myself in the door), to that I am grateful. But let me tell you, the road has been tough. Like insanely nerve-rackingly tough. I feel like I'm running in a fucking hamster wheel. I've taken care of some debts, I've gotten myself in the Back On Track program to get my license back, admittedly I have been making progress and I should probably stop beating myself up so bad about it.
But it feels like I will NEVER fully recover from this. Honestly. It's so fucking frustrating to get your pay in, and all of it be gone to try and make a dent in recovering from the damage your former self caused. Hell, it's a rarity that I even have fucking groceries in my house as a result. I'm barely managing to SURVIVE, let alone have any sort of quality of LIFE.
I'm sorry, I know that this is not your typical inspirational post about how life gets so much better when you eliminate alcohol, but for me it hasn't been. I challenged myself to at least complete a year, and for that I'm definitely proud. I never ever EVER thought that would be in my cards, but here I am, killing it. And I don't know why, but somehow I thought that if I hit a year of sobriety, things would just magically get better for me. But I'm struggling now more than ever, stressed and hungry all the time, and just waiting for there to finally be a light at the end of this bullshit tunnel.
Sorry for the rant, guys. I've needed to vent for a very long time in all honesty. Things do get better I guess.
I'm just waiting.