I just resort to Reddit these days when I feel like I just want to talk to someone about how I’m feeling or when I’m crying and just need some comfort.
I can’t believe how all my 20’s life was just about survival and nothing else.
I’ve come to a point where I again have cancer, same ordeal of earning money just to pay off medical bills and I don’t know why it feels so shitty with absolutely no motivation to go through it all over again.
I go alone to my appointments, I go do my tests by myself and my family just couldn’t care less about it.
My friends call. They’re all in very different places and it’s physically impossible for them to come be with me. And I’m extremely grateful for all this, but really I just wish I had that physical comfort of having someone around me.
I can’t believe of all the things going wrong, all I genuinely crave is just human company and companionship.
I am surrounded by so many people physically, but I am just so lonely.

I haven’t see this brought up as an overall thing yet, but it’s not sitting well with me.
Not just are they sticking to 8 episodes, but they have cut down the run time in Season 3 to 52-58 minutes. As opposed to the up to 72 minutes for some of the episodes that we got in Seasons 1 and 2.
We have lost the equivalent of at least TWO episodes this season, likely a little more, with all the world building, storytelling and richness that would have provided. 25% of this story that could have been shared, gone.
I sincerely don’t understand why more people aren’t losing their shit over this.

Alright, so… I (18F) kinda made this reddit account just to get some feedback about this situation, since I’m too ashamed to ask my parents. The girl in question is 16, and is probably one of the most annoying people I’ve ever met…
(TLDR: This girl I was pretending to be friends with in High School obsessively fantasized about murdering someone for an entire semester, is overbearing as a person, interrogates people on a daily basis and is nosy, injects herself into drama that isn’t her own, throws temper tantrums when she doesn’t get her way, constantly touches people and makes unwarranted comments about girl’s bodies, asked me to draw CP for her, and MADE FUN OF HER SUICIDAL BROTHER. And I wrote a hate-letter telling her that all of this stuff is a problem, but now I feel bad about it because I think she might actually have mental issues. It’s a really wild ride and a long story, so if you choose to read it, you should expect to be here for a while. And it’s High School drama, so I’ll try to discard the boring details.)
At the beginning of this year, I ended up in a small Sports Medicine class with literally 8 students total in it. That made things quiet, which gave us some room to start talking and getting to know each other after the teacher was done with the lesson and we had our small hands-on tests and assignments out of the way. (The classes took about 20 minutes every day. Really quick and easy. Laid back. It met curriculum requirements actually, because there wasn’t constant bullshit from other students making the lesson longer.). There’s this girl, who… I’ll call her Storm. You’ll find out why. Storm quickly became the most annoying person in the class. Any time she talked, she didn’t have anything interesting to say, but just kept going on and on and on endlessly. It was annoying, but we just kinda played along to be nice. Well… Around a month into school, Storme started opening up and became comfortable talking about personal topics. She told us this story about how one of her other friends (I’ll call her Katie) “betrayed” her the previous year, and then went on to talk about how much she hated Katie and didn’t care if she lived or died. (Honestly, Katie’s offense was miniscule. At most, she replaced Storm with someone else as her best friend. You know… Regular High School drama that wasn’t that deep. I honestly forgot all of what Katie did because it was just so miniscule.) Then Storme started saying ludicrous stuff like “I hope she falls into a volcano”, or “I hope she gets eaten by sharks falling from the sky. Like Sharknado.”. But like… She kept saying it constantly, out loud in class. She ranted about how she wanted Katie to get kidnapped by the Mafia, be flown up to the moon, and be dropped into a black hole to become “Katie-spaghetti”. It was honestly really funny at first, so me and a few other people in the class joined in a little bit and added our own stupid, childlike scenarios. (Katie has a reputation for being… A slut. That’s why it was funny at first.) But then after this schtick got old, Storm just kept going and going and going… She ranted about Katie until it physically hurt to hear her talk anymore. She was back to being annoying and boring again, but it was worse this time because it was obvious that she was trying to re-kindle our intrigue without realizing that she should move on to something else. Instead of assessing herself, she just kept yapping until everyone rolled their eyes every time she opened her mouth, because we knew she would just keep going on and on about all of the stupid ways she wanted Katie to de. Even the damn teacher told her to stop doing that, but she never listened and the teacher eventually just gave up telling her off (And honestly, I think the teacher started zoning her out.). Katie then gradually started to get more morbid with the things she was saying, to the point where I genuinely considered calling the cops and getting this girl some grippy socks. She talked until she became red-faced, started tweaking, and laughed in a neurotic, nervous angry way while she started wringing out her trembling hands. She genuinely looked and sounded unhinged, and what didn’t help was that she started saying stuff like “There aren’t metal detectors in this school, right?”, and “I wish I wasn’t such a good person, because if I wasn’t, I’d be acting on my impulse to cave her skull in the next time I see her. One of these days I’m going to snap and then just do it..” …Yeah, so I was genuinely considering getting the police involved in this because of those two sentences. Thankfully Katie is safe and sound to this day and Storm never acted on these “impulses”. I’m so glad it worked out that I didn’t have to call the cops, but I was seriously worried for a minute… One of my other friends in that class, (I’ll call him Mark), eventually kinda snapped and called her out for being the annoying piece of crap she is. Quickly, Storm and Mark started getting into arguments just about every day and started throwing things like wads of wrapping-tape at each other, and I was becoming worried that they were going to start actually full-on fighting. It doesn’t sound logical in hindsight, but I ended up taking it upon myself to step in and start acting friendly toward her and listening to her (or pretending to listen to her) just to draw her attention away from him. Pretty soon she started talking mostly to me, and this was intentionally done on my part so that the other people in the class could relax a little bit and start doing whatever on their phones and zone her out instead of having to pretend to listen in agony. Ultimately, it was an exchange that benefited everyone, because after Storme got that angry energy out of her, she shut up for the day. She continued to talk about Katie, but mostly to me. She talked about this topic endlessly, her words getting increasingly violent until Christmas break. Yeah… 5 months. She ranted about the ways she wanted Katie to die for 5 whole months. Months. But then when she was done ranting, she finally shut up. …Oh God, the silence sounded like angels singing. I didn’t even really retain any of the information she spewed onto me, but holy crap, when it was over it was like heaven on Earth. So that’s what I did – I acted like the “lightning rod” for this Storm of a person until it passed (kinda). She wrote a note to Katie explaining “You hurt me really badly, but I’m a Christian so I forgive you and I hope you the best”... As if she didn’t rant about her for 5 months straight. Make it make sense. But enough about that. Here’s where my fck ups began. I gave Storm my number and we quickly started saying that we were friends, though I didn’t actually like her at all and just wanted to keep the peace. We had a few things in common, but I still didn’t like her whatsoever. She continued to rant to me nonstop about Katie, even over text, and I was burnt out listening after a while. So… To dampen the impact of this girl’s obsessive ramblings, I started sending her pictures of my drawings. (I’m an artist). I had characters that I liked to draw that are ocs of an anime fandom (all of which are underage), and she seemed to calm down a bit and hyper-focus on them. She even has a folder in her phone’s gallery completely dedicated to storing my artwork. That’s great and all, but… One day, the topic of Wattpad came up in one of our conversations. I, myself, was one of those cringy Wattpad 12 year olds who made the most illiterate fanfictions ever to be conceived by a human being (They’ve long since been deleted. Thank God, those were awful.) Then… The topic of “Wattpad smut” came up, because I admitted that I used to read those because of the awful grammar and I thought it was funny. I still do sometimes, actually. The way people on Wattpad can’t write to save their lives is just hilarious. Like the stupid “Shrek x Donald Trump” ones are the ones that make me wheeze. I don’t take them seriously, and I love it when the author doesn’t take it seriously either. It’s hilarious. …But then this asshole said: “I don’t like to read bad grammar, it makes me mad. But I do like to read that type of content… For a different reason”. So uhh… That’s… Weird. But then she asked: “Have you found any… Good ones? Do you have any recommendations? Asking for a friend.” …FCK NO. No thank you. Nope, I’m done. No jerkoff material for you, ma’am. Nope. You’re done. Seriously, I put down my phone for a little bit and went outside to go stare at some birds at the bird feeder until my sickness went away. I fell nauseous because of that (though in hindsight, that seems like an overreaction). When I came back, I didn’t answer that question and kinda skated past it, and that seemed to be the end of it. …But there is NEVER an end with Storm. She DID forget about the resolution to that conversation, but since we talked about smut to begin with, she started asking me some questions about my art. She asked if I had ever drawn p0rn in my life. Of course, I didn’t really admit to anything. I skated past it too, but then she said: “I think (character 1) and (character 2) are really cute together… Like… Really, really cute together.”. That’s great, she likes my characters… Cool, cool. And then my worst nightmare: “Have you ever drawn p0rn of them?” …Of course I didn’t, because that would be CP… Plus I’ve never thought of those characters as being “sxual”... They’re literally 14 and 15 years old. Then basically, she made an indirect “suggestion” for me to draw them together. I said fck no. Hell fcking no. She tried to convince me to draw them “aged up”, but again I refused. She eventually dropped it, but since then, she passively talked about things of that nature… Like if she saw a guy she thought was cute, she’d tell me she thought he’s cute or hot or gorgeous or whatever and allude to -other- awkward desires that I didn’t want to know about. She put me off from drawing those characters ever again. I haven’t drawn them since and I don’t take my sketchbook to school anymore because I don’t want her to see my drawings and be reminded of that BS.
But enough about that… Storm is a church-going girl, and so she has a few church-going friends. (This also makes everything I’ve said before all the more ironic.). One day when I was transitioning from my 5th to 6th period, I saw her talking angrily to one of her church friends (I’ll call her Isabelle) outside the school building. Storm was accusing Isabelle of lying about smoking weed/vaping and drinking, and she seemed to be so interested in it that you’d think it had an impact on her personally. Isabelle denied doing that, and they eventually parted ways to go to class. I walked with Storm to 6th period (the Sports Medicine period), and I asked her why she was so damn interested in Isabelle’s habits. Know what she said? Storm said “I just don’t like liars.”... So let me get this straight: She thought she had the right to interrogate someone half to death because she just “doesn’t like liars”? Make that make sense. I’ve heard many stories about how Storm interrogates other people, too. If she sees a guy/girl’s name pop up on the screen of someone she knows, she’ll pester them until they give her one of two answers: either “I’ll tell you later”, or the actual answer. She’s done that to me too, in front of everyone in class. The thing that upsets me about this is that she claims to be “nosy”, but thinks it’s a positive attribute rather than an annoying one. She brags about being “nosy” sometimes.
And the sxual assault… Since we were in a sports medicine class, our projects involved a lot of hands-on things. That didn’t bother me by itself, but with Storm, it was a nightmare. This girl, in the process of strapping an ice bag to my thigh, called my thighs “small”, and said that I have a “beautiful body”. We also did shoulder stretching stuff the next week, and I happened to fall under her care while she stared into my eyes and made weird faces at me, all the while she made sound effects and made the process much more uncomfortable than it needed to be. One week, we ended up as partners again and she ended up wrapping my shoulder. This shoulder-wrap wasn’t an issue for me, but having her as a partner made it an issue. As expected, she made sound effects, but this time she stated the obvious as if it was new information that nobody would have ever suspected: “Wow, this is squishing your boobies huh?”... Emphasis on the word “boobies”. Jesus Fcking Christ, it was already awkward as hell before she even brought that up, why would she say something like that?? I didn’t even realize that until she brought it up. In fear of being subjected to her uncomfortable BS again and feeling violated, I texted her and told her that she’s been making me feel uncomfortable, and to please stop being so…. Weird. I get it’s an awkward thing to wrap up your classmate’s thigh, but that’s a moment to keep comments to yourself. Her response? “I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY-” Just… Stop it. I didn’t introduce the topic as a big deal and told her not to worry about it, but she kept apologizing for it nonstop. Just endlessly, like everything else. Even when I tried to change the subject to something else, she just kept apologizing for it practically until she went to bed. (She has a bedtime at 9:30… At 16 years old.) All of this stuff contributed to my overall hatred toward her. I don’t like her at all, and it’s a wonder I didn’t explode and insult her entire personality and deplorable behavior to her face (Meg Griffin style). Things are just so awkward and awful whenever she opens her mouth, and it just doesn't ever stop. But because of all of this, when it came time for my Senior prom, I decided to secretly invite one of my friends from that class as a plus one, and NOT Storm. I was worried that if I told her that to her face, I would all of a sudden be the new “Katie” in her conversations, because the infraction Katie did was so miniscule that it seemed to be less like a “betrayal” than what I did. (In hindsight, it was probably the other way around.) So… I just kept the whole thing to myself and so did the friend I took to prom (I’ll call her Beyonce. Because… She loves Beyonce.).

If this wasn’t bad enough, strap in because not even three weeks ago, Beyonce was doing her usual schtick of making fun of random things. She once made fun of cool whip and the entire state of Texas at the same time and somehow made it make perfect sense. She should really have a comedy show, I swear. But this time, Beyonce was making fun of the name “Gage”, saying “Why would anyone name their kid after a 12-gage shotgun?” and “People named Gage seem untrustworthy. I wouldn’t want to be near one in a zombie apocalypse, because he’d just feed me to those f*ckers.”. Funny stuff. Storm then said “My brother’s name is Gage”, and in order to preserve the flow of the conversation (and also to tick her off a little, I’m ngl), Beyonce asked her: “Is your brother untrustworthy?” And then without a single millisecond wasted, she said, in a Disney Channel comedy fashion: “Welll… We can’t trust him with his own life, sooo…”.. And then she laughed as if it was funny. Like.. Rib-stitches type of laughing. ….So then the others (understandably) went quiet, which left only me and her talking for a moment after her laughter quieted down. She complained about how confused she is that nobody finds her joke funny, and said that her joke had the “perfect timing and everything”... So then my idiot ass decided to say what I was thinking at that moment: “You don’t seem to be taking it seriously. That’s your brother, but you don’t sound sympathetic at all.” She tried to “defend” herself, but Mark interjected into the conversation and changed the course of it entirely, which just left her to sit there in silence, pouting. I felt bad for that statement, so I apologized for it over text when I got home from school. Quickly, we erupted into an argument, (with me holding back), and she ended up saying “What does it matter to you? He’s not your brother. If Beyonce said that about her brother, you’d laugh. But when I do, it’s bad.”. Beyonce’s brother is 8 years old…. So no, that would be even worse. …So then I had to explain to her how human decency works, and how making fun of your s*icidal siblings isn’t funny whatsoever and how that joke could be considered to be in very poor taste, even for people who like dark humor. When me, Beyonce or Mark made “s*icide” jokes, it was about OURSELVES and it was usually in a statement like “I don’t want to take a test next period, I’m gonna kms.”... …Storm ended up getting so mad that we weren’t having a conversation anymore; we were just throwing sh*t around. I told her that if she was being livestreamed at that moment, she’d be bashed on the whole internet for a week or so and be called “evil” for that joke. In hindsight I shouldn’t have said that, but my goal was just to tell her how insensitive others might perceive her comment to be. She said that it wasn’t my business to tell her how to feel about her own brother, but I wasn’t doing that at all, that wasn’t my angle whatsoever – I was just explaining what people find funny. I even said repeatedly that I wasn’t trying to tell her how to feel, and that I know comedy can help lighten situations, but somehow she forgot about that part. And then she went on this whole thing about ending every massive text block with “Not that it’s YOUR business, or anything” to snap at me, despite me being in the room at the time of the joke... So I ended the conversation right then and there because it was pointless to keep going and I really didn’t want to spend any more energy on her. The next day, I apologized to her again. I retracted my statements and told her that I was sorry for talking out of line. She accepted the apology, and things went back to “normal”. She forgot about it, but I didn’t. …So here are the reasons why I feel bad, before I delve into the contents of the “hate letter” I wrote to her. Here’s a list of my crimes: 

I pretended to be her friend for an entire school year. I hid the fact that I was going to prom with Beyonce from her, and then lied to her face repeatedly whenever she asked if I went to prom or not. I got into business that wasn’t my own and criticized her. I wrote a hate-letter to her that I directed her to read at home on the last day of school.
…Here’s why I feel bad: Storm doesn’t seem to be emotionally intelligent and is unable to control her mouth whenever she feels strong emotions. She talks nonstop about her second cousin’s friend’s pet hamster’s wife’s sister’s drama, hoping we’ll find something funny or interesting or impressive, while seeming unable to understand that she needs to change her tune. All she wants is to be listened to and understood, but nobody can and nobody truly wants to. She feigns confidence and goes overboard with compliments in the hopes of catching the attention of people who want to be friends with her. She’s not used to change and is very naive, to the point where (just yesterday) she quit her job at a fast food restaurant after only the first day of working there. For the longest time she didn’t have access to the internet, so she doesn’t really have a means to connect with other people through sharing videos or memes or whatever. …I feel like a bad person because I knowingly, intentionally played into all of this just for the pathetic reason of making her shut up in class. It’s despicable what I did, and I’m beating myself up for it every day. I was just originally going to leave the school, block her and never talk to her ever again in my life, but when she made that joke about her brother, I decided (stupidly) to take it upon myself to be the bearer of bad news. I gave her a letter. Within the “hate letter”, it isn’t actually hate, per se. It’s more like… A report on the behavior she needs to fix, as well as an admission to my lies over the course of this whole year. I told her the awful truth. I told her about everything I mentioned in this post and tried to keep it “professional”, though I did end up going as far as to say “you have all of the attributes of an obnoxious piece of stale bread”........... And what’s worse is… I told her to read it on the last day of school, and my reasoning is pathetic at best. I told her to read it on the last day of school because I didn’t want her to burden the class with her nonstop ranting about me, since she, Mark and Beyonce are sophomores and I’m the only senior in the “friend group”, which means that I left the school an entire week earlier than them. I’ve been intentionally delaying her pain and still talking to her over text acting like things are “normal” so that she doesn’t read it early, knowing damn well that on that last day of school, my words are going to hurt her so badly that she might not be able to recover for a while. In the letter, I told her that by the time she reads it, I would have already blocked her because I don’t want any more conversation with her due to me feeling so bad and having nothing more to say. If the plan goes right, she’ll read it on May 23rd, and on that day I will block her.

I feel awful for all of this. I feel like a monster for this. It’s painful knowing that I’m going to cause her pain and that I planned when it’s going to happen, but at the same time I feel like she deserves it. But at the same time, I know damn well that it wasn’t my place to do that. I should have left everything alone. Nobody I can talk to irl would even hear me out; they’d just stop at the words “hate letter”, which means my only option is to seek advice from people on Reddit. Do my motives for doing things make sense? Am I actually a bad person for this? Am I the asshole? Does she deserve what she’s getting? 

I thought I was doing okay financially. 32M making about $80k-90k, 30k in savings, 70k in 401k, paid off car no debt, still live at home.
But I’m looking at the homes in my area, 900k for a little shack !! And with a 7% interest rate you will need to make close to $200k just to qualify. Who’s making that kinda money? My main focus is to save a big enough down payment to buy a home then hopefully start a family.
I’ve been seeing this girl going on 4 months now. She has a 1 year old daughter and is currently not working. She does plan to get a job soon though but even if she gets a job making $60k that still won’t be enough.
We go out once a week. Usually Chick-fil-A. Once in a while we’ll go to a restaurant, concert or Dodger game. I’ll buy her flowers here and there. I would say I’m spending $100-200 a week being in this relationship. I’m considering calling it quits to save that money and just be honest with her. Thoughts ?

DAY: MAY 20 2024
5-20-2024

Why nightmares and ‘daymares’ could be early warning signs of autoimmune disease

An increase in nightmares and hallucinations—or ‘daymares’—could herald the onset of autoimmune diseases such as lupus, say an international team led by researchers at the University of Cambridge and King’s College London. The researchers argue that there must be greater recognition that these types of mental health and neurological symptoms can act as an early warning sign that an individual is approaching a “flare,” where their disease worsens for a period.
5-20-2024 Yoga and meditation-induced altered states of consciousness are common in the general population, study says
Yoga, mindfulness, meditation, breathwork, and other practices are gaining in popularity due to their potential to improve health and well-being. The effects of these practices are mostly positive and occasionally transformational, yet they are known to sometimes be associated with challenging altered states of consciousness. New research by a team including investigators from Massachusetts General Hospital reveals that altered states of consciousness associated with meditation practice are far more common than expected. Although many people reported positive outcomes, that were sometimes even considered transformational, from these experiences, for a substantial
5-20-2024 Examining the benefits of out-of-network care for pediatric moyamoya
Total in-episode expenses and resource use before the index surgery (preop) and including/after the surgery (postop). The comparisons are separated for analysis into (A) single institution cohorts (1 and 2) and (B) multi?institution cohorts (3 and 4). Moyamoya disease is a rare condition that affects the blood vessels in the brain, especially in children. Narrowing and blockage of vessels significantly increases the risk of stroke and requires surgical revascularization for treatment. Although research shows that outcomes of revascularization are better
5-20-2024 Study explores links between social media use, mental health and sleep quality
The more time you spend on social media, the greater the likelihood of having unpleasant social-media related dreams that cause distress, sleep disruption and impact our peace of mind. Flinders University’s Reza Shabahang says that the vast and rapid adoption of social media has the potential to influence various aspects of life, including the realm of dreaming. “As social media becomes increasingly intertwined with our lives, its impact extends beyond waking hours, and may influence our dreams,”
5-20-2024 How are asthma and heart health linked?
Although the heart and lungs are neighbors in your chest, people may think of them as separate entities with unrelated problems. But a growing body of evidence suggests that asthma—one of the most common lung disorders—is a risk factor for cardiovascular disease. Asthma is a serious chronic disease in which airways are inflamed, often in response to specific triggers. It affects about 25 million people in the U.S., including nearly 5 million children, causing millions of annual visits to doctors’ offices and emergency rooms. “We call these major changes
5-20-2024 STUDY EXPLORES PATIENT TRUST IN PHYSICIANS
Trust in one’s physician drives positive health practices. In a scoping review, SUNY Poly Professor of Sociology Dr. Linda R. Weber discovered new developments in the measurement of trust, identified those measures of trust that have known reliability and validity, and compared those instruments’ conceptualizations, dimensions, and indicators. The paper is published in the journal PLOS ONE. Weber explains that 10 dimensions emerged from the study: fidelity, technical competence, communicative competence, interpersonal competence (i.e., caring), honesty, confidentiality, global, behavioral, fairness, and system trust/accountability. In addition, these findings provide the foundation
5-20-2024 TIMESAVING TIPS FOR COOKING HEALTHY MEALS
Living a busy, fast-paced life can make it hard to find the motivation to cook a healthy meal at home. However, learning some shortcuts in the kitchen can keep your healthy eating goals on track and help you avoid grazing on unhealthy snacks, grabbing the first thing you see in the fridge or going out for fast food. Why cook at home? Research shows that maintaining a healthy weight is challenging when you eat out too frequently. Restaurant portions often are super-sized
5-20-2024 UNDERSTANDING PERIMENOPAUSE VS. MENOPAUSE
Menopause marks a significant transition for women, yet understanding its precursor, perimenopause, and its symptoms can be complex. Dr. Stephanie Faubion, director of Mayo Clinic’s Center for Women’s Health and medical director of The Menopause Society, says experiencing perimenopause and menopause can be confusing for some. She says it is not only patients who may find it confusing, but medical providers as well, due to lack of training in menopause management. “Menopause is defined by no menstrual cycle for a year,” says Dr. Faubion.
5-20-2024 LOW-DOSE IRON SUPPLEMENTATION HAS NO BENEFIT FOR BREASTFED INFANTS, SHOWS STUDY
The American Pediatric Association recommends iron supplements to all healthy infants who breastfeed longer than four months, while its European counterpart, Society of Gastroenterology, Hepataology and Nutrition, does not recommend it. These deviating guidelines stimulated researchers to design a new study. Breastfeeding is strongly recommended, and the proportion of children are breastfed during the first half of life is high. The researchers wanted to determine whether breastfeeding babies could benefit from extra iron.
5-20-2024 ALLERGY MEDICATIONS COME WITH HAZARDS: BE AWARE
People with seasonal allergies often turn to over-the-counter and prescription medicines to relieve symptoms like coughing, sneezing, runny nose, congestion and itchy eyes, nose or throat. But they often aren’t aware that these meds—including antihistamines—have as much risk for potential side effects, drug interactions and overdose as other drugs. “All medicines have side effects associated with them even when they are taken appropriately and according to dosing directions on the label,”
5-20-2024 I CAN’T AFFORD OLIVE OIL—WHAT ELSE CAN I USE?
If you buy your olive oil in bulk, you’ve likely been in for a shock in recent weeks. Major supermarkets have been selling olive oil for up to A$65 for a four-liter tin, and up to $26 for a 750 milliliter bottle. We’ve been hearing about the health benefits of olive oil for years. And many of us are adding it to salads, or baking and frying with it. But during a cost-of-living crisis, these high prices can put olive oil out of reach. Let’s take a look at why
5-20-2024 Researchers uncover biological trigger of early puberty
Heather Brenhouse, associate professor of psychology, says disrupting the caretaker relationship can really traumatize a child or a developing rodent. Credit: Ruby Wallau/Northeastern University New research conducted by the Brenhouse Lab reveals how early life adversity triggers early puberty and late-life anxiety, paving the way for potential interventions. The onset of puberty has been creeping downward for decades. In the United States, the average age of girls reaching puberty ranges from 8.8 to 10.3 years old. The early start of puberty, which is associated with many health risks, can be
5-20-2024 Bioluminescence and 3D-printed implants shed light on brain–spinal interactions
Brain-spinal cord duet’s neurodynamic symphony is now accessible to scientists via novel multi-organ implants. Credit: Dmitrijs Celinskis A sensory process such as pain is no ordinary phenomenon—it’s a symphony of neural and vascular interactions orchestrated by the brain and spinal cord. Attempting to dissect this symphony by focusing on a single region is like trying to understand a complex melody by listening to just one instrument. It’s incomplete, potentially misleading, and may result in erroneous conclusions. Enter the Carney Institute’s team of visionaries. Their mission? To develop tools that allow
5-20-2024 New thesis explores cancer treatment that can prevent relapse
. What is the main focus of your thesis? Relapse following initial treatment efficacy remains a major clinical challenge for many cancers. The focus of my thesis has been to explore the therapeutic impact of immune cells in patients with blood cancer (leukemia), by first investigating which cells
5-20-2024 New study reveals health and social benefits of car-free living
Participating in a three-week car-free challenge has enhanced the health and well-being of Oxford residents, according to research conducted by The University of Bath’s Centre for Climate Change and Social Transformations (CAST), in partnership with climate charity Possible and Low Carbon Oxford North (LCON), conducted this research project. After ditching their cars for three weeks, 10 out of the 12 drivers across Oxford who participated said they plan to continue with reduced car use beyond the project. The findings of this research project show that: Day-to-day transport emissions were slashed
5-20-2024 Research shows linked biological pathways driving skin inflammation
A certain biological pathway—a set of linked reactions in the body—drives the inflammation seen in the skin disease psoriasis, a new study finds. The work could lead to improved therapies for all inflammatory skin diseases, including atopic and allergic dermatitis and a type of boil called hidradenitis suppurativa, say the study authors. The findings are published in the journal Immunity. Inflammation is the body’s natural response to irritation and infection, but when out of control, it can lead to the reddish, flaky, itchy lesions that
5-20-2024 Prescription co-payments linked to more hospital admissions in New Zealand, study finds
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Lets get into it, off the bat:
Property Tax: California 1%… Texas 1.7%
Average home price: California $786,000…. Texas: $307,000
Property tax for average home: California $7,860 annually…. Texas $5,219 annually
Homes in Texas are MUCH cheaper than California, in fact good luck finding a house in any nice area if any major city in CA for less than $1 million. Anyway, that greatly offsets how much property tax you will be paying. Off the bat it costs more to own a house in California, by a strong margin.
Next lets look at income tax, assuming $100K income (which again is low for CA and high for TX)
California: ~ 6.4% income tax plus 1.1% state disability insurance. Yields around $7.5K on 100M
Texas: ZERO state income tax, and zero disability.
Alright, so California’s state income tax burden is about 7.5% higher than TX.
Combined between property tax and income tax you’re looking at about $16.3K for California and only $5,219 for TX.
Now sales tax: California 7.25% - 10.75%…. Texas 6.25% - 8.25%
Again…. Higher
Vehicle taxes: California YES…. Texas NO
Gas taxes: California: $.51/gallon… Texas: $.21/gallon
Some other considerations: Literally everything is cheaper in Texas. Food, groceries, beverages, alcohol, utility water, cost of labor, Etc.
As someone who is from NY and has lived in: NY, CT, CA, TX and FL. I can say, without a single doubt that TX was by far the overall cheapest to live in, where my money went the furthest. Living in NYC and in CA was so absurdly expensive, and the taxes were fucking AWFUL.
Food is California is basically 2x the cost for 1/2 the amount of food compared to TX.
Also - I am fully aware I am comparing different home values (average state values). Comparing comparably based on sq footage, bedrooms and bathrooms, and comparable areas will only work against California. But I’m happy to compare a 4 bedroom 3 bathroom 3,000 sq foot home in Los Angeles or SF to one in Houston or Dallas.
Anyway, CMV

just wondering which bait is more worth it long term? 1.6 added ‘deluxe bait’ which ‘causes fish to bite even faster and increases size of fishing bar’ money-wise is it better to use wild bait or deluxe bait?

The TLDConclusions

• If you need a small passive bookshelf for under $300 and/or can't run a sub, I still think the RB42s are very hard to beat. They are certainly not perfect but nothing in this price range and size is. They are beautifully made and have a very versatile sound that can be improved even further with some minor EQ.
• If you're really low on space, the MB42X G2s have a smaller footprint than the RB42, with a very similar, but not as refined sound.
• If you have the space and the extra $70, the Kanto YU5.25 are absolutely worth it over the RB42. Their balanced frequency response and low distortion make them great for both nearfield and small/medium room listening across all music genres. My only advice is to pair them with a sub.

About my setup
The way my desk is positioned I can't have my speakers on stands next to it or mounted on the wall. They have to be on the desk, and I only have space for maximum 8" deep cabinets, so that rules out other popular options, such as the KEF Q150. All speakers were positioned about 42" center to center, toed in at 45deg and angled on 15deg Monoprice wedges. Distance from my ears was roughly 30" and from the wall - about 12". They did not resonate with my desk but did with the wall behind them so after stuffing the ports with socks didn't work, I had to resort to applying a -8dB @ Q=10 EQ at 135Hz to eliminate it. Also, probably due to their interaction with the environment, all of them showed a slight broad dip around 90-100Hz, which probably caused me to miss the resonances in this area that ASR measured on some of these models. All speakers were driven by a Loxjie A30 connected via toslink to my PC, and for music were paired with an SVS SB-1000 sub with its volume and crossover matched to each speaker pair.
About the tests
As I mostly use these for nearfield (I aimed for 60dB at my ears, measured with my phone), the Loxjie rarely went beyond 1/3 of what it was capable of, and the speakers weren't pushed even close to their limits. I typically run multiple slow sine sweeps to figure out where the peaks, valleys, and any other weirdness are. As for the more subjective part, I went through various music genres including EDM, hiphop, classical, jazz, reggae, various heavy metal subgenres, rock, as well as some audiophile albums.
About me
I'm by no means a hardcore audiophile and I'm usually a value shopper - meaning I like to pay for quality but right up to the point where diminishing returns really kick in. I do believe in a lot of the objective features high-end audio offers, but I also think there is a lot of snake oil selling involved, and very often you're paying for quality you can't actually hear. I don't do anything professionally-related to audio but am a geek when it comes to specs and objective measurements.
I'm in my late 30s and I'd like to think my hearing is still pretty good - typically what my ears hear matches measurement graphs to a large extent, but I can't hear anything beyond ~15kHz for example. My preference for frequency response is somewhere between studio flat and the Harman curve, but that depends also on the music genre. Probably goes without saying, but don't take anything I claim here for gospel - listening experience is highly subjective.
THE MINI REVIEWS
Polk ES10 (black, $249 new)
I'll admit these were my first choice to try since they were hands down my favorite visually with the contrasting gold cone and tweeter. They looked good even with the grills on, but of course I opted to leave them off. They would've won best fit and finish too if it weren't for a tiny dab of glue visible on one of the woofers. They were the second smallest of the bunch, with their design contributing to making them look even smaller.
Alas, with regards to sound, I'll place these last out of the four even if they were to cost the same as the Miccas. Overall, they sounded somewhat boring and dry, particularly with female vocals. Noticeable bass rolloff happens all the way up to 100Hz, so you definitely need to pair them with a sub. I set my sub's crossover to 120Hz to blend them in well. I noticed only one resonance at 3kHz but multiple dips - at 280Hz, 1.4, 3.3, 6.6, and 8.3kHz, the latter 3 probably contributing to the boring-sounding female vocals and sparkleless highs. Speaking of the highs, they did extend quite well, and were not fatiguing or laid back. Male vocals also sounded great.
Micca RB42 (very dark brown, $149 new)
Love them or hate them, you can't deny these have a lot going for them. Visually, what struck me was how deep they were - as deep as some medium-sized speakers, like the Kanto YU5.25. On the other hand they are very narrow, so the overall impression is of a much smaller speaker. I love how they look, and they are the only ones that I like better with the grill on - it's a very light mesh, so everything behind it is still clearly visible. Fit and finish was good but not great on mine - everything was well assembled but there were some imperfections on the edges where the front veneer meets the sides. They also come with some foam isolator wedges, so the budget conscious can save some money on buying those separately.
Sound-wise I'd give these runner up out of the four and gold in the 4" category. Like most reviewers, the first time you hear them, they have a wow factor, particularly because of their low-end frequency response - I could hear a decent thump all the way down to 50Hz. If you don't listen to a lot of EDM or hiphop, they are the only ones out of the 4 you can run without a sub. In contrast to ASR's measurements, I didn't catch the midbass overemphasis (see my setup notes), and, actually, I only noticed one resonance at 3.4Hz and one dip at 1160Hz. Out of the 4-inchers the RB42s had the smoothest treble - smooth all the way to the limits of my hearing, with a slight overemphasis around 9.5kHz. The highs, however, were a tad too fatiguing - I had to resort to lowering the volume or adding -1 or -2dB on the Loxjie's treble EQ when listening to heavy metal because my ears would start ringning after an hour of listening.
Still, as a total package, I wasn't able to find anything that can touch these at $150 - they are gorgeous and have a very versatile sound that can make any genre (except maybe heavy metal without EQ) sound great.
Micca MB42X G2 (black, $99 new)
I'll admit I bought these after I already had the RB42 and after watching Zeos' review that claimed they did some things better than the RB42.
Visually, they don't have much going for them besides their small size. I dare say, with the wide front and small cone, they look a bit ugly, especially sitting next to the RB42s. Putting the grills on didn't make things much better or worse. But you can't expect much for $99, can you?
Sound-wise, my hearing disagrees with Mr. Zeos'. I would place their sound somewhere between the ES10 and the RB42. Yes, their bass extension is almost as good as the RB42s, and yes, you could run them without a sub depending on the genres you prefer. They also had a similar resonance around 2.9kHz. However, I did notice some weird inconsistencies in the 3.2-4kHz range - depending on slight variations of the position of my head, I'd hear parts of that range suddenly dip. After that the highs sounded very similar to the RB42's - maybe slightly more uneven, but still as fatiguing.
So my verdict on these is they are fantastic for the money, but I'd skip another Doordash meal and save another $50 to get the RB42s, even if it's just for the looks.
Kanto YU5.25 (black, $229 new)
Yeah yeah, I know these are not the YU4s, which would be a fairer comparison. There are three reasons for this - 1) after looking at ASR's measurements I decided the YU4 wouldn't be good enough to dethrone the RB42; 2) I randomly found these used less than a month for $190 so I couldn't pass them up. And boy am I glad I didn't; 3) They are only 8" deep so they still fit on my small desk.
Visually, the simple minimalist aesthetic works very well. I didn't expect to like them as much as I do. What contributes to this visual impact to a large extent is the great fit and finish - every edge and seam is flawless all the way to the felt-lined port. They certainly lack the cheap feel that the MB42X have.
Sound is where they really shine. It's not a coincidence ASR recommended their powered version. However what I hear slightly differs from their measurements. In the low end, they do roll off fairly early - I can hear noticeable rolloff under 100Hz. You could run them without a sub, but the low end won't be as good as with the RB42s. I did hear the slight midbass dip ASR measured but for me it's only between 200 and 300Hz, not all the way to 900kHz. I also didn't experience the 900Hz resonance they did. Moving up in the frequency range, I did notice the minor resonance at 2.6kHz ASR did but it wasn't bothersome enough to EQ out. After that it's all smooth sailing - the highs are smooth and extend into the limits of my hearing. They have the detail and sparkle of the RB42 but without the fatigue. As a result I can (and do) listen to the Kantos all day long (don't worry I take breaks :) without getting exhausted. I thoroughly enjoy them with every music genre I've tried.

I'm an INFP guy in my 30's, and am currently living with my parents temporarily while i get a new place... my dad is an ISTJ.
My dad has never been emotionally available, encouraging, supportive.. we never have had meaningful conversations literally ever... he has mellowed out *a little* since retiring, but still overall seems insensitive a lot.
A little backstory, the past few years have easily been the toughest of my life, some very traumatic and painful things I've been going through... my dad involuntarily and unjustly sent me to a psych ward because he was concerned that i was depressed... he spent tons of money to convince a judge that he had good intentions and as a grown adult, police forced me away for 5 days, which ruined trust issues with my parents and caused lots of mental problems for me in the seven years since...
my parents apologized after the incident and admitted they misjudged me and made a mistake in thinking i was depressed. stupid fucking move if you ask me.
Anyways, this past year has been incredibly painful, dififcult for many reasons... I'm just trying to move forward in life and turn things around... and it was just easier for me to move back in with my family during this time, which they allowed...
Most recently, my dad has been wanting me to move out very soon and he is very aware that this is the toughest, most pivotal, delicate, painful time of my life by far... i've told him to just be patient and not force me to move out...
Two days ago he calmly asked me if we could meet at the park to talk about my living situation, how he came up with a time frame on me moving out and that he wants to discuss it... which couldn't have been worse timing, as i just recently began working a new job and aside from this stressful job, i have a ton of very difficult things going on,
and instantly when i began talking about how i have a lot going on, he cuts me off and doesn't even allow me to talk... i ask him to stop cutting me off, and soon after as i'm calmly talking, he gets angry..
i then calmly asked him to stop being insensitive, and to be understanding that i don't know when we'll meet... and he said it has to be less than two weeks, and during the toughest time of my life, and with work and the countless other very painful and difficult things i'm working through, i just couldn't agree to a time,
and i said to please be patient, and starts threatening me saying "if we don't meet, i'm just going to make a decision and you won't like it", meaning he'll kick me out,
and i begin asking him to be gentle and sensitive, how i've been asking him this for years, how he's always been insensitive since forever, and he begins turning up his TV volume loud to drown me out, and i get more hurt and begin crying a bit, and he is just cold and insensitive,
and gets angry and/or shuts me out by turning up the tv volume...
the confusing part is, he has a four year old grandson, a sweet boy that is my sisters son... i'm the uncle.. and my as the grandfather, my dad is always gentle and kind towards him,
and here's me, a child at heart who always stayed true to himself and the little boy within him.. .i remained a gentle childlike soul who still loves the same things i did as a boy... climbing trees and playing outside, art and music... i'm true to the boy i was...
and then i began saying how i'm a child at heart and how he's kind to his grandson and so why not me? and he began turning up the tv volume again and not responding..
i then asked him to just be gentle, and i was very hurt and talking a bit loud and as a petty defense mechanism my dad goes "oh, you're being gentle?", because i was emotional and expressing my feelings a bit loudly.
i walked away into a different room in heavy tears, about 30 minutes later wrote a note about how i'm going through the most painful time of my life, to please stop adding pressure into my life, and how i'm a gentle child at heart...
and soon after i heard a very loud bang noise from the kitchen, and i walked in and saw my piece of paper i poured my heart into, and it was taken off the counter i placed it on with tape, and placed to the side on this desk in the kitchen...
so he got mad and banged the fridge or something, and took the paper and cast it aside, like me and my feelings...
i don't understand why he would be so harsh and cold towards me his son, who he says he loves, but gentle and kind towards his grandson.
tl;dr yep

I don't play fifa often, probably like 50 hours total in my entire life, mostly at party's, but since it was on sale, I got it, and ive been climbing through the divisons in seasons, legit my best game ever, when the opponent was real madrid, and I'm beating him 7-1, it's 60 minutes in, and he leaves, I'm kinda sad cuz I wanted to see how far it can go, but not big deal.
Then the opponent leaves, and not only do I not get a record of the game, it doesn't even count as a win???? Literally the best I've ever played and it was for nothing.
I'm actually sad now.

I recently got in touch with Monarch support (shout out to Johsua and Jamar!) about my confusion with the current Goals feature. I had some ideas on how to improve the feature as it interacts with the Budget plan, which I wanted to share here on the subreddit to get other users thoughts and feedback.

A Problem with Goals

As others have pointed out, the Left to Budget section shows your contributions are also being deducted from your Income when their Expense counterpart has already deducted as well. For example, let's assume I have a Mortgage expense and a Mortgage paydown goal. If my monthly income is $5000 and my mortgage is $4000, my "Left to Budget" amount is shown as -$3000, when it should be $1000.
Many people have suggested a workaround by categorizing the expense as a Transfer so it is only counted once, but doing this would also remove the expense from your Cash Flow and Reports which is not good. You would not be able to track your spending in these categories. The user should be able to use all features in Monarch while categorizing their expenses properly. They shouldn't have to remember to do weird tricks/hacks to make things work. They shouldn't have to mark anything as Transfer that isn't a transfer, or hide recurring transactions as a matter of course.

A Possible Solution?

In my mind, Goals are just a subset, or view, of Expenses the user already has in their budget. The user can already track their monthly "goal progress" by budgeting using the system categories for "Credit Card Payments," "Mortgage" and "Loan Repayment" -- and watching as payments contribute to those categories throughout the month. But it seems the purpose of goals is to present these expenses to the user in a different light, to help them feel like some of their expenses are not "money spent" but "money saved."
For me, what would make more sense is an "Expenses & Goals" progress bar on the Budget Summary panel, underneath the "Income" progress bar. This number in reality would just be a total of the user's budgeted Expenses (not including Contributions). Beneath this "Expenses & Goals" progress bar, you could show two more progress bars as children:

1. Expenses: a subset of expenses that are not contributions to a goal (non-goal expenses)
2. Goals: just the goal contribution expenses

For example, if a user makes a credit card payment, they would categorize it properly as "Credit Card Payment" (to be able to have useful and accurate data in Budget, Cash Flow and Reports). Without linking the transaction to a Goal, it would be shown as spending in the "Expenses" progress bar (also rolled up in the "Expenses & Goals" progress bar). If the user has a credit card that isn't set up in Goals (or maybe they have technical issues and can't link their credit card account with Monarch) but they still want to track this payment in the budget, this would be the correct visualization. But let's continue with the assumption that this credit card is also being tracked in Goals...
Then, the user would link the debit transaction to the matching Goal (this is not currently possible as users can only assign credit transactions from linked goal accounts). This would shift the spending from being shown on the "Expenses" progress bar to being shown as savings/contributions on the "Goals" progress bar (still rolled up in the total "Expenses & Goals" progress bar).
Either way, the expense would only be deducted once from Income in calculating the "Left to Budget" amount. It is either a non-goal expense, or a goal expense.
The "Expenses & Goals" progress bar could even have two different colors, or a vertical notch, to indicate how much of the user's total expenses are contributions towards their goals. This could be incredibly motivating to see a large percentage of spending is actually savings.
The only thing the user would need to do differently here is linking both the debit and credit transactions to each goal. This could be automated with Rules.
Or perhaps this could remove the need to link the credit transactions altogether. From my experience, my mortgage and loan accounts don't support pulling in transaction data like my primary cash and credit card accounts do. Maybe because they are smaller institutions? I have to manually add the credit transactions to link to my goals, which is kind of a pain. I have also seen other users online who are completely unable to link their goal accounts/institutions to Monarch.
Anyway, I really love a lot of the thinking that's going into the Goals feature (and Monarch as a whole), so I hope this criticism and suggestion is met with open-mindedness and curiosity. This seems like a point of confusion for other users as well:

• https://www.reddit.com/MonarchMoney/comments/18sywi3/flustered_with_budgeting_for_goals_in_monarch/
• https://www.reddit.com/MonarchMoney/comments/1b8h2kh/balance_goals_budget_categories/
• https://www.reddit.com/MonarchMoney/comments/1c5ioro/help_categorizing_a_goal_thats_also_an_expense/
• https://www.reddit.com/MonarchMoney/comments/17oj654/how_to_use_goals/
• https://www.reddit.com/MonarchMoney/comments/1bczbbu/linking_goals_to_expenditures/

Would this solution make sense to anyone else? Anything else I'm not considering here?

I am writing this in your best interest, as the MAJORITY of retail investors back in the GME days have lost money. You may be biased by the 10% who earned tens (hundreds) of thousands of dollars by jumping on the boat very early, but forget about the remaining 90% of retail investors. Be diligent with your own research and don't get caught up in the hype without solid evidence to back it up.
Many retail investors, particularly those new to the market, might not fully grasp these risks. To begin with, the days-to-cover ratio for FFIE is alarmingly low (0.05 vs 6.5 during GME peak), indicating that a short squeeze is unlikely. Additionally, the short interest data doesn't paint the full picture: 98% of float is outdated (data is only published bi-monthly by FINRA), while the Fintel estimate only gives you an estimate of 1 single prime brokers compared to hundreds of security lending brokers existing in the market. The only 2 leading short interest data provider are S3 Partners and S&P Global, both which are geared towards institutional investors and require a subscription (S3 estimates short interest to be at 50%, implying HFs already covered a large junk of their short positions). Remember, high short interest alone isn't enough to trigger a squeeze – days-to-cover is a far more critical metric (the average traded daily volume over the past week was 1.1 - 1.5bn daily, if you compared this to the (low) short interest as of 30 April of 38mn by HFs, it will give you a DTC of 0.05, which means they could cover their shorts in less than an hour).
Lastly, the company's fundamentals are extraordinarily weak if you take a look at their balance sheet, plagued by financial instability, ongoing law suits (founder Jia Yueting committing fraud and filing personal bankruptcy in 2019) and significant operational challenges (cash reserves of $2mn without any signs of further financing rounds, only 10 sold cars since 2014 of which the majority were sold to their employees). This company is poised to file bankruptcy in the coming months. A significant event to monitor is the situation on their headquarters, as they face eviction for their LA headquarters for failing to pay rent, a bill that is now nearly $1 million.

After completing the season finale, you get a ship called Unforeseen Consequences. The description of it is "Be careful what you wish for".
In it, Crow is at Mara's throne when Mara enters. It's implied Riven disguised herself as Mara. Mara-Riven tells Crow that she regrets manipulating him, and that none of it went the way she intended. She then asks Crow if he would change anything in his past, to which he responds "Cayde".
Crow describes how he could have changed his path before he killed him. "Everything else, I can set right. But not that. I just wish I could tell him I shouldn't have done it".
Mara's eyes "shine in the starlight" and after Crow leaves, says "See you soon, O brother mine".
We know the Ahamkara have at least some influences in the Pale Heart, given that we know the Strike for TFS involves Ahamkara. It seems as though because Crow wished to be able to talk to Cayde again, she made it so.

I work in a company whose product is solid and we cater pan India. Our system is what is generally asked in the hld design questions of other companies. I work in the payments system and have contributed quite a lot - developed new services and contributed in solutioning with full ownership. We have good traffic like 2M per day.
Base Pay is decent.
1)I want to know why I should try to faang? Will I get good work?
2)Is it just basic integration and small low impact work in big system?
3) should I continue with my current role and gain more knowledge.
I am SSE, 6+yoe, backend, tier1 college
Ps- I know the money is good in faang but other companies have also caught up with the base pay.

This is really hard for me to talk about because I struggle to understand & accept it and I don’t talk to anyone irl about it which sometimes sucks & makes me feel alone. So I’m gonna try this & see if anyone has anything useful to tell me bc I could really use any advice or support right now that I can get. This might be a long story so I’m sorry in advance.
I’m 22f and I’ve lived with my bf (24) for 3 years. We do everything together and in my opinion we’re very close and alike but in his opinion the love that we have/the love he gets from me is not enough bc about a year & a half into living together, we went thru some money struggles & his loss of a close family member which really affected him and he hasn’t really been completely the same since. But even before that loss, about a year & a half into our relationship, he decided to tell me that he’s decided he’s poly. Which I don’t agree with and I’ve made it clear. And I know the normal thing to do in that situation is go okay, well you need to leave him because you both aren’t on the same page with what you want in your relationship. I just want him to choose me and put me first like i do to him, he means everything to me. He is actually the only family i really have which is why it’s extremely hard for me to leave him. but i can feel him slowly slipping away from me. And i have tried to end things before kind of a lot of times, but we never end up following thru with it bc he apologizes, lies & says he’ll choose me over “being poly” , delete all the dating apps, stop liking naked pictures, or whatever the case may be at the time. Or he has said in the past he would go crazy & they would have to put him in a mental hospital if we broke up, bc he can’t handle another loss after his close family member passed. So obviously i feel guilty. I always just hoped in the back of my mind that one day he would wake up from this bullshit and stop with the “poly” phase and be loyal. But it’s not happening. & he always gets back on the dating apps or whatever else he does and acts like i’m in the wrong for not letting him “be who he is” which is “poly”.
In my opinion it’s one thing if he had made this great revelation BEFORE we started dating but it just makes me feel tricked that he didn’t mention it ever once UNTIL we had been living together for like a year already. Bc if he told me that when I met him I never would’ve dated him and I never would’ve fallen in love with him and moved in with him.
I look at his phone about once every 3-6 months & every time i do i find something new & bad. He always turns it on me saying i’m in the wrong for going thru it but I really wish I didn’t have to do that but if i didn’t i would never find out anything. Bc he claims he doesn’t want to waste my time with telling me about someone who’s just playing with him (like something that’s not serious) bc he hasn’t found any girl willing to go fuck off and be poly with him (i don’t think any girl like that actually exists.) despite his ongoing search for a new girlfriend (or “connection”). but yet i feel lied to bc when i look at his instagram he acts single & he dms so many random girls LUSTFULLY. And it’s so embarrassing. On top of that girls rarely reply to him bc no one wants a random man lusting in their dms. I had no idea this was the type of person he was or i wouldn’t be with him. And when i ask him about it he lies or covers it up saying he’s not like that and he isn’t lustful & that being poly isn’t about sex it’s about forming a connection with multiple people. Well if it wasn’t about sex then he wouldn’t be lusting after random girls in their dms. And btw instagram has been an issue in the past due to me finding out he hearted a pic of a girl he knew, basically a nude or a bikini pic. And the way that situation went was that he said omg i’ll delete my whole instagram and i’m done with it since this is a problem. But i told him no stop saying that shit you know you don’t mean it and you’ll be back on it in 3 days. He’s like no i mean it and yeah then in three days he was back on it. This happened a few times with other apps like tinder and every time i’m like please just save it bc we both know you saying you’re permanently off these apps isn’t true.
I don’t even have instagram anymore ever since i saw the bikini pic bc i just didn’t want to spend my energy anymore feeling like i wasn’t as pretty as the girls he follows or interacts with, so i actually followed thru and deactivated my whole account & haven’t been on it since. (at least a year) other than that i don’t use SM other than reddit & lurking on twitter sometimes & watching tiktoks. I’m not a SM girlie it not that I’m not pretty ( not trying to sound narcissistic) but i’m not an ugly girl i just really prefer privacy and don’t like posting myself online. But seemingly my bfs type is SM wh-res and i’m truly not judging the girls, I’m judging my bf.
This morning i looked at his instagram and found some extremely NSFW dms from him to a few random girls & found message conversations with a girl that’s poly that’s out of our state that he talks to often & opens up to her about things he doesn’t open up to me about, and gives her the nicest compliments that he never gives me, says she’s the prettiest girl he’s seen, sympathies w her over her personal struggles w life & relationships, calls the girl his soulmate & says they share a brain, complains about me not accepting him being poly & going thru his phone and being “threatened” by her & has shared some personal details about my life that i don’t share with people even my close friends. and much more. however he still spins it on me being in the wrong for not accepting him and going thru his phone. he never takes accountability for what he does & always lies about it not being as bad as it is and that i’m reading into things. the problem is i don’t believe what he does is poly i believe it to be CHEATING. I believe it is possible to have an honest poly relationship (not that i want one) but what he does is not honest. he has betrayed me, even tho he has never slept with anyone else while we have been in our relationship, and he has only gone on one date in person with someone else throughout our entire relationship (that date ended up going nowhere). (not that he even takes ME out on dates & if he does make a plan to go to the movies or a basketball game he always ends up inviting our friends along everytime.)
He still treats me with love and care & does a lot of things for me , he supported us when we went through our financial struggles after i got in a car accident & couldn’t work, he is always here for me but doesn’t really let me be there for him. I owe him a lot of rent money from the time that i couldn’t work & he paid rent by himself. He doesn’t hold my debt over my head but he mentioned it to the girl on instagram . which made me feel betrayed.
I told him off about what i found in his phone & took pics of the evidence which ive never done before & sent it to him and i want to know if i’m overreacting to his betrayal or if i’m in the wrong for expecting loyalty from my 3 yr relationship. /:
TL;DR my bf is emotionally cheating on me with instagram girls and out of state poly girl.
thanks for reading