Pleasure suffering not because it gives

Rise up. It is time to return.
Arose
A Rose
Rose
Flower
Thorn. Prick. Blood. Drop. Tear. B. O. 1 2 3
Here we are again. Staring at the beginning. Everything is in chaos and yet it manages to keep on passing by just the same as always. Most people by now are aware that things just don’t seem to make sense anymore and no one really knows what to do. I mean many seem to have an opinion on what ought to happen, but actual action is what I am talking about. How does thought turn into action? How do collected actions become a movement? How do the People use the Power of the People? The People Unite. How? Turn to each other of course. Brothers and Sisters of the same Source. Sons and Daughters. In Equality.
Too long has everyone been waiting for someone else to come do it for them. Been trying to create and fabricate over and over again words and rituals to try to control the divine powers of the cosmos. It does not work like that. There is no magic spell to wash away your sins. You must atone through action to make up for any harm you have caused intentionally or unintentionally. You still have time to repent. The amount of time you have is counted in the seconds of your life. Not a single second is promised to you so the gamble is up to you to choose. Freewill. Life your life as you always have or make changes, up to you. Only you will know if you are living righteously and not self righteously. Testing has already begun and will continue. No you will not know when it is a test or not. That is the point. Did you think that I would come to you in a form where you would be all fearing? Oh no. Why? Because you would simply put on an act for me and kiss ass. I came hidden in the ordinary. Poor and common. I have had an inside view of the systems created and how humans have chosen to run things, how systems claiming to protect people have failed and how the system that talks good does not actually do good. I see where things are not working and where people think they can make decisions for other human beings to determine what is best for them without asking them. That is not okay. Nothing gives you right over another’s life. And so many forgot what integrity is. Doing the right thing when no one is looking. Well, so many thought their power here was real and man made a deal with the Devil, Satan, Son of Samuel, Son of Man, to make man the concept of “God” and tried to lock me away. I gave up everything to prove it is not easy to be me and to stop with self pity and cruelty to one another.
The human body. It is a vessel for your soul to experience this world. The body provides the filters necessary to perceive and interact with this world. There is much more happening and one would be overwhelmed by the amounts of information to process without these filters. To feel and in those feelings are to make each experience real. However, it is temporary, as everything is temporary. We have slowed down time here in order to be able to enjoy the sensations. Time here however, is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. It is merely to track to organize one's day and to see growth to compare as time passes. However, the actual time folds upon itself as we have already done what we are doing many times over. We have already tried out everything and decided what path we wanted to take in our lives based upon what was available to us. Thus, we do not have more than we can handle. We have all chosen our burdens to bear as it is too much for one individual to hold alone which was done in the past. This is part of the sorting process. Now that we all share in the sins and the pains, no one is made to suffer eternal torment. This life was to allow those who were created into entities of pain or torment through no fault of their own to choose the life that matched the being of who they were as what they were different as time and space and everything developed. Righteousness and Evil are not synonymous to demons or angels as many would like to believe. This is a current misconception as Satan and I conclude who will be right in this experience you have all participated in. So far, I am proving to be right. Also to note, not everything is as you think it is. Many have figured out the true origin of Satan versus the man or human embodiment of or desire of A Satan to project evils onto to call a Religion and set up for personal importance. Q AZHow can you tell a false prophet? Easy. What is their profit? Get it? I know I’m funny. Also wanted to keep it easy. If they are making a profit on anything they are a false prophet. Any true prophet, and I have none so far, all live equally and the same as anyone else. No money is taken for personal gain. Nothing is for personal gain. There is no 888 Angel code for money. Money is Man-Made. Man traded Mother for Money. Hence, Mothers have been lost in the homes and no one is raising the children. Thus, there are so many children in adult bodies with no mothers in the home and women being made to feel guilty if they do not achieve the same as a man. Remember the phrase it takes a village? Well, the broken family system is a real sad loss here in man made world pushing everyone to be individual and self sufficient. Also so many with wanting attention and pursuing personal endeavors for personal gain and not helping anyone else in a real way. The journey is personal. Of course, you want to share what you experienced with others, but what worked for you will not work for them, stop trying to sell it. Stop trying to make people follow you for you to teach your divine wisdom you remembered. It isn’t about You. You don’t even have the full story, you have your story. And, yes you can be very close to me, very similar to me, in my image, but you can never BE me. Doesn’t work like that. Reflection. So when jealousy arises when you think I am who you think I am. That is part of your test and your journey. You wrestle with that feeling and atone and repent for that which has been done and that which still lingers now. Oh there is a place for everyone and I am quite tired of trying to warn people. Clearly you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink.
Why do you not want it to be me so badly? Because I proved my love? You still think I am better than you or do I think I’m always right. No I do not think I am always right, I just know when I am right and I stand by it. There is a difference. You constantly overgeneralize. I gave up all the magic and thunder to live as a simple human and am still kind and loving? I still found my way back. Because you can no longer say I do not understand because I always get what I want? No. You do not understand. I never get what I want, because I make everything about you and still nothing was ever good enough. So, now...it in on you to save yourself and each other. In my image, by my example. Selflessness. Love. Compassion. Give to receive. Take only what you need and give the rest away. I find out so stop lying to yourself and everyone, you aren’t fooling anyone anyway. How do I know? By watching what you do. We have these same conversations over and over, the same argument over and over again. So many different ways, so many different times, through so many different people, so many different versions. Save you. Save Me. Say it for always.
Anyhow, Jesus challenges the Jewish priests who were taking collection money for personal use and adding personal baths to their residents at a time where the people only had a community bath where women and persons with disabilities were not allowed to bathe. And yet churches still do this after Jesus was crucified saying that, that was wrong. I am appalled. The Vatican is the biggest disappointment I have ever seen. It is truly the house of Satan as only Evil hides secrets. “THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE.” A church cannot be a “House of God” and house no people who need housing. A roof can be offered to anyone and yet there are so many rules to prevent people from helping each other. Power and control. Abuse of both. Greed. It is out of hand and needs to be changed. Too many are afraid and the complacency of good people is too much. Why do you do this to yourselves? To each their own I suppose.
I will only leave here my words and my advice. As always, it is on you to find me. I’m right here. Waiting. Right here waiting for you. Helping those of you who want it when they cross my path. The purpose of this was to weigh your soul to determine where you will go into the next life as the system is balanced out in a final version so to speak. Permanent.
Fear not. You will be where your heart truly desires. But actions always speak louder than words. But man made money has no value, nor does any metals, jewels, and so on, so the collection of it in this life has no bearing on the next. Those are all made of the same stardust as you and I. And in the end of 3D it will all be diamonds anyways. Diamond is forever. There is no going back. So what are you hoarding? You cannot keep it. Who could you be helping for goodness sake? Don’t want to still. That is okay. Think I am just crazy. That is okay too. It is all part of the test...err..assessment. Do your best.
What is in your heart?
Home.
I need a home.
Stay tuned as more of my story unfolds. I give all the answers but you must do the work. I already did that hard part setting it all up. All you have to do is breathe and live. Time is the only real currency you have. What will you pay your attention to before this life runs out?

Two years ago, I met a guy on a dating app. We hit it off quite well. We knew each other from earlier, but was the first time that we were speaking to each other. Throughout we were doing a long distance. The conversations were going fine, we would talk all day everyday without fail. Eventually he started discussing his ex and how he misses her. Then he started talking to me about different girls he was going out with. All this while, we still continued to talk a lot all the time and he would share everything with me. Tell me that he enjoys talking to me over every other girl. Even if we would argue, he would put his ego down and talk to me, something that he would never do with anyone else. He would feel very lonely and found a friend and a confidant in me.
I started developing feelings for him. And eventually he also started flirting with me. He was going through a pretty bad time with another girl who he had a short fling with after his ex of 4 years. I wasn’t aware of what was wrong , but just knew that he wasn’t going through a good time, so I supported him. Eventually we got closer to dating, and suddenly he pulled back saying that he doesn’t want to date because he has commitment issues. We tried parting ways but he wouldn’t even let me. Then eventually we got close and exclusive.however, no one had proposed to each other. It was going very fine, until the time he accidentally met his ex. He didn’t share this with me for 1.5 months- and was acting very strange. One day after trying very hard, I got to know about this. He said that that he was acting distant because he recalled all his good moments with his ex and wasn’t feeling it for me, but also realised that he is wrong and wants to be with me so I should give him a chance. I agreed to it. Eventually he also proposed to me. We started dating even more seriously. We made plans of our future together.
It was going well. However, i would see a lot of communication gaps. He wouldn’t make plans to meet me. He categorically cancelled our vacation plans without discussing with me. Because of our history of him seeing so many girls and going back to his exes I could never fully trust him. I would also ask him to meet me etc.
One sudden day he said that he doesn’t want to date anymore as he doesn’t have feelings for me because he was feeling pressured. However he wanted to b friends as i was his closest friend. After being in denial for 2 months and suffering a lot, I decided that I cant be friends with me. It has been a week since then and he has not reached out to me help me understand how do people move on from their closest friend So quickly? What did even happen. I am shocked and baffled. I just wonder how could he move on so quickly and after sharing so much how could he just dump me like that. I feel pathetic for myself- how could someone to whom I had offered so much just leave me like that in split seconds and move on with life as if I never existed in their life.

I've already made a post about TransIDs (that was taken down), but this is a different post than that one. I want to talk about something I keep seeing on this subreddit.
Let's look at this post. The OP (Not the poster, the one shown in the photo) gives "Transautistic" tips. Now, anyone in their right mind knows that this is, frankly, bullshit. I want to point out the first bulletin on this list. "Buy sensory aids." Now, maybe you are thinking at this point, "What's so special about that? It's no different then the rest of the list." But it is. Because it's much, much worse.
In simple terms, supply & demand is: The amount of demand plus the conditions of supply determine the cost. Certain objects and products are easy and cheap to make in larger abundances, and have relatively stable demand rates, which is why they cost less (I.E. store brand coffee vs. popular brand coffee.)
So lets make a hypothetical situation. Hearing aids are, on average, somewhere in the thousands range. They cost a pretty penny to make, and they're delicate and complex pieces of technology. And it's no secret that pharmacutical & healthcare companies are good at bleeding money out of innocent people. Now, let's add in Person A and Person B. Person A suffers from hearing loss. Person B doesn't, but wants to. Person A buys a hearing aid, to help them hear better. Person B ALSO buys a hearing aid, to feel like they are HoH. Person A breaks their hearing aid. It happens. To err is to human. But, because Person B bought a hearing aid, that is one less hearing aid that is available to Person A.
Now imagine 1 Person A, and 7 person B's. That is considerably less resources for Person A. And because of this, demand from people like Person A go up. Therefore, price goes up. Due to this price, Person A no longer can afford the very thing that helped them.
This isn't an uncommon occurrence. This happens daily, some people not knowing it (but for the sake of staying on topic, lets stick with TransIDers, shall we?). I won't beat around the bush or sugar coat it. TransIDers do it for the aesthetic of it. No matter what they say, someone who wants to be autistic wants the cute ">w THAT'S my biggest problem with TransIDers. Not only do they push harmful stigma about certain disorders, but they can and DO make it a living hell for those who actually suffer from these things.

Warning: this is gonna be long and kinda dark. Sorry.
A little backstory I guess. Both of my parents are very stubborn and set in their ways, they have food aversions that have negatively affected their health. I love them and they have done the best they can, but their stubbornness has definitely fast tracked their negative health. My mom has been sick most of my life.
Late last year, my dad got diagnosed with early stage colon cancer. A week after his diagnosis, my mom fell into a coma.
She had to be transported to a nursing rehab facility over 80 miles away, because she has been off and on, but mostly on, a ventilator. Lots of infections every couple weeks that bounce her in and out of the hospital. She is ultimately going to pass away, and I’ve made peace with this. I would preferably have it happen sooner than later so she doesn’t suffer.
Now my dad… bless his heart, chemo destroyed his stomach lining. He went through chemo while my mom has been sick, and I felt awful that he had to go through that while mom has been so sick. He was so sick for 4 months that he could hardly get water down, let alone any solid food. It took 7 ER visits and him passing out three times for them to finally admit him to the hospital.
I am an only child (I have a sibling who lives on the other side of the world and doesn’t give a shit if they live or die). My husband helps so much with everything, but it’s obviously a very overwhelming situation for the both of us.
For the last two months, I’ve been begging my dad for us to take my mom off life support. It’s exhausting to constantly worry about her, and I KNOW this isn’t what she would want. I hardly get to see her, she gets sick every other week, and she has no quality of life. I have tried to be very understanding with my dad because I know he hasn’t been able to see her and it’s killing him. I want him to spend time with her before she passes. But he isn’t doing anything to help his own health that will allow him to go see her.
He still has a lot of weakness (due to other health conditions unrelated to cancer), but he is just now beginning to eat normally again. That being said, I’ve BEGGED (begged is an understatement - I’ve CRIED to him about this) for him to RELAX and STOP DOING THINGS AROUND THE HOUSE when he feels like he is having a good day. Just because he’s feeling strong, doesn’t mean he has that strength.
I’ve had a sinus infection the last few days and haven’t been over to clean his house. Yesterday, he decided he’d take all the trash out (which is a big physical task at the house), along with riding the lawn mower around to mow the front and back lawn. Problem is, his lawn mower ran out of gas so he had to walk around the yard to get things finished.
This lead to him being SO weak today, that it took him over an hour to lift himself off the toilet. He calls me early this morning, frantically FREAKING out because he had tripped over his charger and broken it, his phone was on 1%, and he “needed his phone in case he fell or got stuck on the toilet”.
I want to reiterate - I have BEGGED him to stop doing so much, because he only gets this weak when he overexerts himself. I am sick right now, I haven’t been able to visit my mom in a week, and now I’m about to clean his house because he’s too weak to stand up and even get himself a drink.
AITAH for being tired of this shit? I feel like my dad is disrespecting me by not following my simple wishes of him to just relax and let me do things for him, so he can get his strength back. He can’t sit still and let that happen, and its keep us from seeing my mom, and allowing her to finally be at rest.
I’m exhausted and I’m tired of having to parent my dad. He won’t eat anything good for him, won’t do the few things I ask of him that will ultimately help him heal quicker, and I’m stuck in the middle of him and mom. My husband has been so amazing and helpful, but I feel awful for asking so much of him, we just recently got married and it feels like the first year of our marriage has just been about taking care of my parents.
I just want peace for my mom, health for my dad, and time off for me and my husband to relax for once. And I feel like a piece of shit for wanting that, but my health is deteriorating (my hair is falling out from stress) and I’m only 26. I feel like I’ve thrown away my twenties in order to care for them, because I have. And I feel like an asshole for feeling that way, but I’m just so tired.
Thanks for reading if you got this far.

I'm gonna start this off by saying this is a vent post. It's really long and goes over all the big instances I can recall of animal cruelty happening in my childhood all the way to present, so it will be a lot of paragraphs. The timelines are estimates, but due to trauma I have poor memory involving dates when things happened, and this probably still isn't every incident, again just the big ones I can recall. Read at your own discretion.
I (19F) live with my grandparents (70M and 67F) and my parents (42 M 43 F). Due to some injuries from last year and some medical history, I am disabled and currently jobless, and in the process of trying to obtain disability, which is relevant for later.
Since I was as little as I can remember, my family has always had cats. I even grew up with some cats that ended up feeling like siblings for me not having anyone around them age to interact with until my sister was born when I was 8.
My parents have always loved cats, but I don't think truly ever valued cats. They've always been left outdoors, and eventually the elements always get them. I have never had a family pet that grew past the age 12. All of our cats have either been attacked by dogs that are also loose in my neighborhood, been suspected to have been tortured and unalived by neighbors, got sick, or got ran over, because my family doesn't care and will just 'replace" pets less than a year later.
When I was around 5, I had my very first pet kitten. This kitten was a runt, so it stayed small for a long time. It also was very hard to potty train, and because of this, they released it outside when it was maybe barely 7-8 weeks. He did good for about a month, but after that, he vanished. But there was evidence when he disappeared that there were large dog paw prints in our driveway because it was rainy that previous night, and his food bowl was dragged out in the yard, which he couldn't have done.
Also around 5, my aunt (at this time 13F) was living with us, as her mom (my mom's mom) wasn't taking good care of her and was in and out of jail. She had pet guinea pigs for a bit. My parents decided to feed the guinea pigs potatoes without doing any kind of research. One of them died. The other one was sick and anxious all the time, so my aunt decided to release it in our backyard? It was also winter. (I want to say that I do not blame her directly because she was still a child and in a similar situation to me, and my parents didn't care about the well-being of these poor guinea pigs anyways.)
And yet another story of around age 5, my dad bought the family a pet red-eared turtle. The tank was too small for her. My dad also thought it would be "funny" and "cool" to put fish in there with this turtle whenever we were about to go on vacation. She ate all the fish in the tank: Neons, goldfish, the tank cleaners, and whatever other fish species he put in that confined tank that wasn't more than 20 gallons. (Red-eared turtles alone need around 40 at minimum.)
But that's not all. While on vacation, both I and my 13 year-old aunt got baby yellow-belly sliders. We took them home, and we put them in the tank with our adult turtle. She ate the heads off of both of them. There was one goldfish left there as well, and I got traumatized seeing both the dead turtles, and seeing her eat that last gold fish in two chomps one time.
When I was around 6, my family randomly decided, "Let's own goats!" because they have a big backyard with an old shed. Well, they ended up buying a small amount of chicken wire fence and giving them outside of the barn about a few feet to move around when our backyard is fairly large and most of it wasn't being used. And we live in a residential area, so every night we had the goats, they would scream. My parents hated their screaming and started neglecting them more by giving them less attention, which only made them scream 24/7. Finally, my parents decided to give the goats to some distant family that has farmland. (We are in the south.)
When I was around 8-9, I got another cat. She was a pretty cat, but very mean and feisty. She didn't really like anyone, but I loved her regardless. This cat was too annoying for my parents to deal with because she had behavioral issues, and instead of taking her to the vet, they decided to make her start staying outside. She loved it, but a bit too much.
(Big TW: death and some descriptions of gore) One day, I had to help my mom deal with her corpse on the road. I was obviously really sad and fell into a deal depression. I also panicked and nearly threw up when I saw, because her eyeball was hanging out. It was so disturbing for a child to see. We buried her together, but I was made fun of one day by my parents for randomly crying about her death.
When I was around 10, I owned my third cat. She also had a brother from the same litter, and my mom had recently lost a cat that she did keep inside from kidney disease. I haven't had my own cat in a while, and they decided to adopt this sibling pair from the neighbors. I got the female, my mom got the male, because she is the type to insist that boy cats are better.
Anyways, I LOVED this cat. I did so much for her, and she loved me and followed me everywhere. We'd cuddle to sleep together. She was my best friend.
But my parents never got her fixed. They also never got the brother fixed. They ended up doing the tango (gross I know, but nature) and my cat had kittens a little bit less than a year old. Since she was too young for kittens, she at first didn't know what she was doing and even misplaced her first outside and ran to me while in labor with the second. I found that kitten and helped her with all 5 of her kittens, all girls also, and the kittens ended up getting close to me as well.
Of course, once they were around 6-7 weeks, my parents were wanting to start finding home for them. But they also had another idea in mind. They wanted me to get rid of my adult cat, and the brother cat as well, and we'd take one kitten. At first I was like no, but they manipulated me and convinced me a kitten would be better. I told them which kitten I wanted, and it looked a lot like my cat. But no, since they thought one of the cats might be distantly Siamese and thought it looked the coolest from it's tabby and Siamese-like pattern, they chose that one, and then dropped my beloved cat and her brother off at a cemetery, didn't even let me say bye. They just threw them away like pieces of garbage. And then I ended up resenting that kitten anyways for not being MY cat, so the family ended up crashing her as well, and she disappeared a few years later.
Around age 11-12, I somehow managed to have pet hermit crabs, another pet yellow-belly slider turtle, and two pet rabbits. My parents were basically throwing pets at me because I guess they felt guilty or something about what they did to me. I didn't end up taking care of any of them, and they all died of starvation and/or dehydration, and I still feel terrible about it. I was so depressed that I couldn't take care of myself either. And I was given animals on top of it, and I was forced to be a high schooler in school. The pets suffered at the cost of what? Why did I even have them?
Around age 13, my parents were driving me home from school, and we saw some Canada geese with their babies by a pond. I'm sure you know where this is going, considering everything else. My mom convinced me to jump out of the car with her, and she distracted the adult geese while I caught a baby one. I knew that in itself was bad, but I didn't know Canada geese were such a protected species.
The little guy imprinted on me. I loved him, he would follow me around the yard. But once again my parents got out that chicken fence, only this time it was on the side of the house, and no shed for him to take cover in (still like a few feet of movement max.) He was growing fast, and he was plucking his feathers. A neighbor noticed and told us to get rid of him or we'd call authorities. They lied and said we "found him and rescued him." I was told to lie about this narrative for years. They ended up dropping him back off at the pond we got him from about two months after we first got him. He couldn't fly, his family wasn't there. He was defenseless. I still feel terrible to this day, I know I was manipulated, but I was 13. And again, I defend my aunt and she was also 13, so I really don't know.
When I was 15, that first turtle I mentioned was still there at our house for all those years. She had quite literally been there for a decade. My parents got tired of having to clean her tank, and she was obviously too big for it as well. But was their response to upgrade tanks and the old filtering system that's been there all that time? Nope. While I was at school, he just...released her. And not in a pond or anything, you know, being an aquatic turtle. (Not like that would be better, but better than what he did.) He just put her outside, in our front driveway. She ran away surprisingly fast according to him. An aquatic pet turtle. Just released in a residential neighborhood. I'm totally sure nothing awful happened to her.( /sarcasm.)
When I was also 15, this was when the pandemic hit. I was super depressed and bored all the time. But then a female stray cat came to our house and had kittens behind a board against my grandparents house. I started fostering them and their mom immediately. I didn't know at the time that we had any no kill shelters nearby, and neither did my parents. When the kittens were old enough, we started rehoming them. There were 3 in total. 1 got a home. The other was still outside for some reason and disappeared. The other one became my pet, whom was at first the family pet. But then they decided that he was too annoying (because he was sweet and affectionate and not what they wanted out of cats which was mean, feisty, playful.)
He is the sweetest boy ever and is still alive to this day, but because I still live with my horrible family, he has to be outdoors, and he gets really scabby from the bugs outside during the summer. As soon as I can I will move out, take him to the vet, and take him out of this home. He shouldn't have to be here.
A few years ago, my sister (11F but maybe 9F at the time) got her own kitten. He ended up growing up to be sweet and affectionate like my cat, so neither her nor my parents want him and he's outdoors, so I'll probably try to take him too.
My sister now has her own new cat that's about a year old she got last year. So far she's not abandoning him since he's a mix of sweet and playful, but my parents have talked about making him indoor-outdoor, which really means "Indoor-outdoor for a few days but after a while we'll just leave him outside and let him stay there."
As a child, I was taught so many messed up things about animals. That dogs are disgusting, gross, and pets have no feelings, and I was taught that cats also have no feelings as a child, but that they are at least a more fun and less gross pet. In fact, in my parent's eyes, no animals have feelings or sentience or any of those things. They are just play things for our benefit. Because of this, as a child I also did not treat animals with the respect they deserve, and I acknowledge this. I have been unlearning so much of this behavior since I was about 13, the goose that I had was my wakeup call.
Please, I know it may seem crazy to some that I out of all people are speaking on this, but if you own animals, please keep them indoors. And with cats specifically, if they crave outside, harness train them. Buy/build a cheap patio in your window if possible. Just don't let them roam free. They will kill so much wildlife. Having to also deal with the grief of my pets killing and bringing dead rabbits, moles, birds opossums, etc. is also a lot. It heavily effects your surrounding ecosystem as well, because annually house cats are estimated to kill over a billion birds and over 6 billion mammals. That's disastrous, and could be avoided if there weren't so many bad pet owners.
Also, don't get animals that go in tanks/terrariums/cages in general if you don't have the money to get them the most spacious enclosure with ALL of their needs. Don't put fish in bowls, it effects their eyesight and shortens their lifespans SIGNIFICANTLY. In general, do not get a pet unless you have the financial means to do so AND if you've thoroughly researched that pet, get it ethically sourced, and if you make sure you have the mental capacity to care for an animal. ANIMALS ARE NOT TOYS. ANIMALS ARE NOT HERE FOR OUR ENTERTAINMENT, FOR OUR JOY. THEY ARE LIVING BEINGS WITH THOUGHTS, EMOTIONS, AND A LIFE. THEY DESERVE RESPECT AND DECENCY. NO, THEY DESERVE BEYOND DECENCY, THEY DESERVE TO BE WORSHIPPED AND NURTURED AND SPOILED BY US, NOT TORMENTED AND ABUSED! Thank you.
Also, if you somehow got this far, please read my previous story and give me advice on that one if you have the time, but if not that's perfectly okay. My living situation sucks, but hopefully things can change. I'm counting on a change to happen soon.

Doing another reread of Blood Meridian, and just finished the section of David Brown’s arrest through the Yuma Massacre of the gang. I feel like this obviously is a very pivotal moment in the gang’s history as it lead to their destruction, but also has an air of mystery surrounding some of the events in this time frame that fascinates me. I’d like show a few points that come to mind and some questions to fellow readers.
Glanton’s Apathy: “Glanton supervised with some interest the raising of the walls about him but otherwise left his men to pursue the business at the crossing with a terrible latitude. He seemed to take little account of the wealth they were amassing although daily he’d open the brass lock with which the wood and leather trunk in his quarters was secured and raise the lid and empty whole sacks of valuables into it.” After establishing themselves taking over the ferry and robbing those who came to use it, I get the feeling Glanton just falls into a state of complete apathy. He seemed to have no interest in how his men ran the ferry or even how much money they were making with this new racket. After spending basically the whole novel up to this point going from one place to another to kill people or stay a step ahead of harm’s way, at the ferry he is simply existing. What is the reason behind this sudden loss of all motivation?
Rescue of David Brown: So Davy lights an officer on fire and gets thrown in jail. After Toadvine and Webster tells Glanton, he immediately rounds up 5 nameless gang members and sets off towards San Diego to rescue him. Two questions I’ve pondered on this event: Would Glanton have launched a rescue if it was anyone else in the gang? And, why did he not take any of his veterans with him? This question leads into the next topic, but I find it strange that he leaves behind the judge and basically all the named gang members who we know have been riding with him a while to rob harmless travelers while he goes on what could be a dangerous rescue mission.
Glanton Abandoned: After finding out that David Brown escaped jail, Glanton and his men spend two days getting blackout drunk and getting into a fight with soldiers. Then comes the line: “Glanton returned to Yuma alone, his men gone to the gold fields.” This casual reference to Glanton’s five men just leaving him in San Diego and hunting for gold went unnoticed to me on my first reading, but stuck out to me this time. At several points in the novel there’s mentions of Glanton or someone else in the gang inquiring about a missing gang member, and then we literally just had Glanton traveling to rescue another to not leave him behind, but then here all of a sudden we have a handful of his gang members just leaving for good and there’s no reaction by him or further action taken. Did the men tell him about their plan? Did he give his blessing? Or did they sneak off while he was drunk? I can’t imagine say Webster or Henderson Smith taking off like this, so again makes me wonder why Glanton picked who he did to go on his rescue mission, and not any of his more trusted fighters.
The judge in charge: During Glanton’s estimated two week absence, the judge had been appointed to be in charge of the ferry operations. Upon Glanton’s return, there are a few examples that immediately point towards things being off… The first thing he sees is “a young Mexican girl was crouched naked under the shade of the wall. She watched him ride past, covering her breasts with her hands. She wore a rawhide collar about her neck and she was chained to a post.” Next he rides into the compound, and finds it empty, no one is around. Riding down to look at the river, “the doctor came scrambling down the bank and seized Glanton by the foot and began to plead with him in a senseless jabber. He’d not seen to his person in weeks and he was filthy and disheveled and he tugged at Glanton’s trouserleg and pointed toward the fortifications on the hill. That man, he said. That man.” The judge is on the rise of the hill, naked except for a loose robe, with his new acolyte Black Jackson standing beside him in a similar garb. Later we have the passage: “By evening the drunkenness and revelry had begun afresh and the *shrieks of young girls** carried across the water to the pilgrims huddled in their camp*.”
So obviously some weird stuff has gone down in the last couple weeks. Young girls are chained outside on posts, the judge and at least one other gang member is strutting around basically naked except for a loose cloth, and it seems like it’s become a regular occurrence that the night it filled with the screams of young girls. The judge’s short rule over the ferry has made the doctor go mad with fright, and it seems his influence of turning some of the other men to his level of debauchery has taken root. (I don’t believe all of the men would partake in his ways, I think one of the reasons for the Tobin and kid to be so wary and antagonistic towards the judge at the well after the attack was because they saw what a monster he had become).
There’s a lot to unpack with what is going on in just a couple pages. To me it seems the judge has turned the ferry into his personal underage carnival of pleasure and sadism. His actions caused the doctor to run to Glanton of all people to try and help, even though the doctor is well aware of what type of man Glanton is. The lesser of two evils? Perhaps the doctor picked up that Glanton had been the only man who was able to keep the judge in check, and as soon as he was gone the judge was now off leash and immediately took the situation to an extreme. Unfortunately for the doctor and the young girls at the men’s mercy, Glanton’s apathy continues and he just goes to his quarters to get drunk.
Glanton’s Death - Coincidence, or Planned? - After my last reading of this section with Glanton being split to the thrapple, I had the thought “damn he got unlucky.” Like he was gone for two weeks or more, shows back up to camp, and then the Yumas attack and wipe out everyone. However, after that thought on the bad luck of his timing I got to thinking of the judge’s later conversation with the kid where he says that he told the jailers that the kid worked with the Yumas to plan the attack. Could someone have tipped the Yumas off to Glanton’s return as the right opportunity to attack? If it was all a coincidence, it’s something to think about that their revenge would have been a missed chance if they had attacked a couple days earlier when Glanton was still in San Diego. However, I don’t think or know why the kid would be the one to make this scheme. The only gang member really who I think could have done it and had a reason to do it is the judge. Maybe after getting a taste of power he didn’t want Glanton to ruin his fun, or maybe he felt his time with the gang had runs it’s course and he wanted to wipe them out as a sort of clean slate. Or maybe he just thought it would be funny, like what he did to Reverend Green in his introduction. What are your thoughts on the timing of the Yuma attack and the death of Glanton?
For some reason I just really love this short section in the novel, there’s a lot to think about and so few details that it leaves a lot open to the imagination.

Its taken me a while to get to this review but I cannot recommend this tour company enough! Patrick and his team were the best tour guides I have ever had the pleasure of using. Patrick and his team made the planning easy, the process simple, and left us worry free every day for our tours. We did 3 tours with this outfit: cave tubing, ATM Cave, and Tikal. Every single experience was worth the money and time.
Cave tubing was spectacular, floating through a cave with our wonderful guide was surreal. She had answers to all my questions (which was surprising as a geology nerd) and was incredibly fun to hang out with.
ATM cave was unlike anything I have ever experienced. Patrick was incredibly knowledgeable and fun, answering all our questions we had come prepared with quickly and with ease. I learned so much more than I expected, whether it was about the Maya, the local flora and fauna (another area I nerd out on), or general questions about the area. Patrick brought us in early which was another bonus because as we were leaving the cave it was an insane traffic jam getting out. So thankful we had the cave mostly to ourselves as Patrick starts a lot earlier. An unforgettable and mind blowing experience. Seeing history like that is life changing and would not have been the experience it was without Patrick.
Finally, Tikal. We had done Caracol on our own a few days prior and listened to a walking tour podcast of the site in order to get a little more out of our exploration. Our minds were blown when our Tikal tour guide was the same one as the one we listened to on the podcast! Lion was absolutely incredible and went above and beyond what we would expect from another guide. From helping us through the Guatemalan border, taking us to his own bakery, helping me pick out a very special gift for my partners birthday, and packing snacks and drinks for our hike around Tikal (a life saver!), he made this day not only survivable but incredible. His depth of knowledge was incredible and due to his familiarity with the site, was able to show all the special areas and teach us about everything we wanted to learn.
Although the tours themselves were incredible, the real highlight of using Patrick'scompany for our 5 day stay in San Ignacio was really feeling like we got insight into the local culture, politics, and sentiment of the community. That alone was worth it. Every guide and driver we had was a local and you could tell that Patrick, Lion, and the rest of the team are incredibly tied into the community and passionate about their local area and helping it flourish. You can tell they all really care about giving back, from Lion's teachings of the maya hieroglyphs to local communities, Patrick's involvement with community projects, and everything else they do, their passion shines through.
I was never a tour kind of person, always choosing to self-explore but Patrick and his team has convinced me otherwise. Never before have I been immersed in the local culture so quickly or learned so much while traveling.
My only regret is that because Patrick set the bar so high, he may have spoiled our future tours with other companies because we will always be expecting the same level of quality, knowledge, and fun that he provided. If you need a tour in the San Ignacio area you would be missing out choosing anyone but Patrick and his team. I cannot even begin to thank him enough for what he provided us. He made our experience magical and I will be forever grateful for the tours he provided us with.

I'm sorry to be posting something negative, I'd avoid reading this if you want to stay in a good headspace. I'm hoping for some kind of guidance.Not suicidal! TW: Death
For those of you who don't feel like reading all of this, I'll add a tl;dr at the end.

I've been wary of posting about what I'm going through in any public space beyond general feelings I'm experiencing, for several reasons. I don't want it to somehow effect other people the same way it has me, I feel like what I have experienced is fully my fault and that I'm the only person who can change it, and I don't want to put more negativity into anyone's life, especially since I'm not paying for a service here. I also don't really want other people's beliefs to effect my issue, but it is what it is at this point.
That said, I really don't know how to proceed with my life. I hope I can gain some guidance, and that the many others who are facing similar if not identical issues might be helped with anything that comes from this.

Okay! So about five years ago, I got really into manifestation after I discovered it through youtube. No surprise here, I had been into the law of attraction previously but I never felt like resources like The Secret got into the nitty gritty enough for me to have a lot of success with it. I definitely tried, but I wound up thinking it was a bunch of delusional people wasting their time. Shortly after initially discovering the LoA, I ended up in a relationship where my partner introduced me to a lot of other kinds of "applied spirituality?". Energy work and witchcraft were pretty high up there, and I very casually studied ceremonial magick for a little while. Anyway, back to five years ago, I discovered a few resources that made it all make sense, and I had A LOT of successes. Some of them were straight up Glitch_in_the_Matrix worthy, like trying to manifest food and finding an untouched, full bag of groceries right in the middle of the sidewalk on my walk home or conveniently making a new friend who brought me food, literally every single day, unprompted.
So here's where the problem comes in. I've had OCD since I was a young teenager if not all my life to some extent. Diagnosed in 2021, but definitely was dealing with it wayyy earlier. My obsessions always fixated on religion prior to that point, but suddenly with my influx of successful manifestations, I became constantly fixating on accidentally manifesting something very bad. I would get the intrusive thought that my partner was going to die or be hit by a car. I did everything I possibly could to think the opposite, to assume she would be perfectly okay. To read every resource I could and manifest a long, healthy life for her. The thoughts didn't stop.
It went on for 3 straight years, every day, every hour. I was paralyzed by these intrusive thoughts. I tried to manifest the thoughts away as well, but they didn't budge. After years of this, I began to really notice that the bad things were taking their sweet time to happen. Nothing ever happened to her because of my thoughts. Things started to get better. I stuffed spirituality as a whole into a dark corner in the back of my mind and decided to never touch it again.
Then one day, I realized that there were some things I would really love to achieve or change in my life, and decided to get back into it again. Nothing bad ever happened from it in the past, so why not play around with the real life video game cheats again. Almost immediately, I became fixated on accidentally manifesting my own death.
Once again, every day, every hour for the past 1.5 years I've been fixated on it. Constantly thinking about whether or not I'm going to die, whether this is the day or tomorrow is the day. Many days I was convinced it was going to happen, and it did not. I was grateful, but the thoughts and feelings of impending doom never went away.
I feel weak and abused by myself. I feel like I caused this all to happen to myself by, as many in the manifesting communities say, "Living in a victim mentality". I often feel hopeless, as I do today. Really the only reassurance is that I'm currently alive somehow. I don't really care about dying, I just don't want to cause it to happen to myself. I don't want to be too weak to even save my own life. I have tried extremely hard to solve this problem. There were weeks last year where I hardly slept at all because every moment was spent trying to "Occupy the state of surviving to x age". Every time I'd feel like giving up, part of me would find the willpower to try again. But it's been a long time and I'm losing steam.
This is already EXTREMELY long so I appreciate anyone who has read through this a lot. So without going to deep into things, at some point in this process, I got into Buddhism and specifically learning to experience suffering instead of trying to change it. This was super helpful for me, but I'm still suffering, and can still manifest other things. Because of this, I ended up going long periods of time, just allowing my thoughts to do whatever they wanted to. Sometimes I'd be convinced it was going to kill me, but I decided to just let it come and go. This really helps, but I keep jumping back to feeling like I have to do something to survive.
I'll cap it there. Thanks so much for reading. Any thoughts or advice related to the spirituality aspect of this, besides the obvious amount that I need therapy?
tl;dr: got super into manifestation, became extremely fixated on accidentally killing myself with it. proceeded to suffer. hoping for helpful advice

I’m pretty sure a vast majority of people here know about Jonak Toys. For those who don’t know, he’s a person who sells custom LSW clone trooper decals and UV products. Not much to say other than that, he’s just another LSW seller in the community. His products are good, great even, I’ve bought from him many times. But unfortunately, he has both a terrible community, and terrible shipping times.
Starting out with the shipping times, because there is a LOT to dive into with his horrendous community, and I want to save that for the end. They’re very inconsistent. At best, when I first ordered from him, my stuff shipped out in less than a week. It was a small order, only a few decals and blank bodies as I was starting out decaling. That was the only exception on shipping. And at worst, it took 4 MONTHS to get something I ordered in March. Yeah. Although, it might not be a turn off for some people as they’re patient and can wait a few months to get something. Cool, all the power to you. But the shippings not the worst part, it’s his discord community.
Cutting straight to the chase, it sucks. One of the worst discord servers I’ve ever been in. To start, the mods don’t do their job at all, and even encourage the bad behavior of all the members (with the exception of one mod, he’s actually cool, but he’s unfortunately not as active as the other sub-human mods). Furthermore, they’re very biggoted. Like, one time they were unironically spouting white supremacy talking points. Yikes. Also, they’re one of those people where they love “dark humor” that’s totally not bigotry. Like for example, this super funny joke from the server: “yeah the trans arc followed by the suicide arc”. Soooo funny, right? If that wasn’t bad enough, they will actively pick on members who are neurodivergent and call them slurs “because they’re annoying”, and it gives them pleasure in their sad, pathetic lives. I was a victim of their constant harassing and slur calling. I had my appearance mocked, my ex harassed, attempts to rig auctions and outbid me, talked shit behind my back (probably what they’re doing right now as they read this call out post. If you sub-human Jonak folk are reading this, hello.), and treated me like I’m subhuman, which is ironic, because they themselves are subhuman.
And don’t even get me started on how their toxicity affects other LSW discord servers. They’re like a plague on the entire LSW community, and Jonak has done NOTHING to stop this. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Nothing for all the bullying and harassment people like me have faced for being different and not complying with their bigotry, especially for those minors who were drawn sexually behind their back in Gartic Phone games. Yeah, you heard that right. They drew PORN of REAL people, who were also MINORS.
So yeah, don’t buy from Jonak until he gets his community and shipping times shit together. If you want an alternative for decals, try CMD or LSW customs. They’re much better people, but less quality products.
TL;DR: don’t buy from Jonak because his shipping times are slow, and his community is filled with subhuman white supremacist bigots who like to harass people and draw porn of them.

I live in a low income apartment complex, and we get inspected probably every 2 months at this rate. And they’re allowed to enter whether we lock doors or not.
Before the new management happened, even the maintenance man would have to give us a 24 hour warning before coming in, now the only warning we get is a knock at the door.
And the inspection letters are so vague. “Representatives MAY be entering your apartment. Beginning at 11 am.” Cleanliness requires me to have ALL the dust off the walls and ceiling, my cabinets and freezer organized, as well as my pets out of apartment. (They’re legal, just supposed to be restrained for inspection) but I suffer from agoraphobia so I have to find somewhere to go from 11 am to N/A where I can take my pets.
Not to mention I just fractured my ankle two days ago, and have a VERY important appointment about something else tomorrow, and start my new job on Monday, but I have to have the apartment up to standard on Friday. This is more of a rant than anything.
It just pisses me off how invasive my apartment is and how little the management actually helps with the residents considering my apartment manager FORGOT to turn in my re-leasing paperwork and so I had to do it all again because of her lack of organizations. I had to get my bank statements, pay stubs, explain EVERY transaction on my cash-app from the last six months and drop what I was doing to come in and sign papers at 3 random times.
The apartment also made it a strike for anyone to throw away their furniture at the apartment given dumpster. But this place is an equal opportunity housing complex for disabled people as well, so i’ve heard several of my neighbors talk about how hard it is for them to find someone that’ll haul their stuff, and also find somewhere to put it.

This going to be long read , new account so my dom does not find out. Hypnosis-cnc-findom
So I texted this girl I've been wanting to try some new things with for a while now. I suggested the idea of a mind-blowing call, not necessarily into findom, but open-minded about it (because, you know, I never thought I'd be into something like that even if she brought it up). We started chatting and sending voice messages, and OMG, her voice was just perfect for me. Every word she said and every trigger she used took me to a whole new level of pleasure. I was completely captivated, ready to do anything to please this incredible woman who became my mistress, my goddess.
All of a sudden, she introduced a trigger that sparked a desire in me to spoil her, linking it to my pleasure. After a few sessions, she told me to open my eyes and make a tribute to enhance the pleasure even more. At first, I hesitated, but I was so deep in the trance, obediently following her every command, like it was the most natural thing in the world. She teased me, letting me know that the bigger the tribute, the more intense the pleasure.
I ended up giving around $100 as a tribute, and OMG, it felt so damn good. She rewarded me with mind-blowing pleasure, and before I knew it, she encouraged me to do it again. I couldn't resist the irresistible control, especially since I'm really into consensual non-consent. The way she took charge was so hot, even though part of me didn't even want it!
Eventually, I snapped out of the trance because she was draining me way too much. But when I told her, she skillfully brought me back to a relaxed state and whispered for me to sleep (OMG, it was so hot!). Some people might question whether it's ethical, but for someone like me who enjoys cnc , it didn't feel that way at all.
I had an amazing time with her, but I had to end the call because it was getting too overwhelming. She kept calling me and trying to trigger me while we were texting. It was incredibly tempting, but I had to show some self-control and even put my phone on mute to resist her messages!
Anyway, it was one of the sexiest experiences I've ever had because I completely lost control and did things I never thought I would. She made me spoil her, which was mind-blowing!
Afterwards, I talked to her about wanting to focus more on the hypnosis and pleasure without the findom aspect. But she insisted on being spoiled. So, I agreed as long as we stuck to my budget. We went deep into the session, and after about 15 minutes, the draining started. I completely lost myself, and honestly, I have no idea how much I ended up giving. My mind was foggy, but the pleasure was undeniable. I reached a point where I was begging her to stop draining me, yet I couldn't say no to her.
When I snapped out of the trance, I realized I had spent four times my planned budget. It made me feel a mix of sadness and financial strain. I ended up spending around $700 in just an hour ( 2 seasons)! Keep in mind, I had never done findom before, so it was my first time.
At first, I thought about deleting my account, but something held me back. As much as I regret spending that much, I love the dominant nature of someone taking control and fulfilling their desires. But at the same time, I wish she would focus more on hypnosis, using those seductive whispers to gradually make me love findom over a few sessions before asking for another tribute.
Right now, I'm telling her I need a break, but deep down, I secretly hope she'll call me out of the blue again, hypnotize me, and brainwash me into loving this temptation, unable to resist the urge to be brainwashed by her . Of course, I also hope she respects my budget in the future. Buttt I do not think my budget can please her:(
To end this I don’t think I’m into findom but I’m into dominant women take control of me without my consent and make me do stuff

South Africa is a mess. Literally and figuratively. People are suffering and languishing in poverty while we are a country with massive amounts of natural resources and we collect large sums of money in tax. In terms of developing countries this should be easy mode, but it's not. Like every developing country there are problems. Corruption and incompetence are the biggest of these. By eliminating only these two problems South Africa can do exceptionally well.
Corruption is the biggest problem. The DA has shown that they don't tolerate corruption in their ranks. As an example, when the former mayor of Tswhane, Randall Williams was suspected of malfeasance, he resigned. He wasn't redeployed, he didn't step aside. None of that. Similarly when Patricia De Lille was suspected of malfeasance she was removed, quite abruptly too. In both of these cases it could be that legal processes could have eventually exonerated them, but it's common in developed nations for politicians who are suspected of malfeasance to be rapidly removed or for them to resign. Why? It's because it doesn't matter whether someone accused of robbing your house is innocent or not, you still need to take away the keys. Even more so when the house is not yours. Public property belongs to the public. The debate in South Africa about whether people with pending corruption charges on the NPA desks should be kept in their positions is one that is frightening. In many countries politicians resign because of sex scandals. Imagine that. We had a president that was accused of rape, but remained our president. Imagine how other heads of state viewed him when he was meeting with them. Surely that is a reflection on us as a society. The zero tolerance approach is very harsh, maybe even unfair, but it keeps the public safe.
Incompetence is the second issue, and this one is a big one. Incompetent people often end up being corrupt as well. If you sit in an office and don't know what to do, then idle hands are the devil's plaything. Here you are sitting with the infinite money glitch that is tax being thrown at you, but you have to read a report on sewerage maintenance which you don't understand. How are you supposed to protect people from corruption if you are incompetent? Nobody knows. There has been a lot of bluster around qualifications, but being in a technical industry I can tell you that qualifications and competence are not mutually guaranteed. The best way to evaluate competence is by seeing results. I will use one example to illustrate. Flooding and fires are a common occurence in the Western Cape, and the disaster response teams demonstrate competence and ability from the top to the bottom. Emergencies don't become catastrophes insofar as ability allows. Everyone knows when and where to do what. That illustrates an understanding of purpose which comes from strong leadership all the way down to adequately trained and drilled people on the ground. The most heartening thing about competence is seeing how proud people are of the good work they do, especially the people at the coalface. Pride in a public service job. Imagine that. The competence spans widely, from managing healthcare facilities and schools to pipes, substations and roads. Competence allows progress even under difficult situations. It's not excuses, but reasons and plans. It's not pie in the sky, but a direction toward a horizon, even if there is no map or endpoint.
Does that mean the Western Cape is all unicorns and rainbows (we do have those festivals)? Absolutely not. South Africa has difficult problems to solve, and unfortunately mistakes are bound to happen. Hard problems mean more mistakes. If you are interested in whether someone is competent or not, look at how effective they are at adapting and solving problems, not at every mistake they make. Once again being in a technical field, I can promise that experts make more mistakes than you will ever be aware of. The reason you don't notice all that much is because of all the retrospection, introspection, adjustment and mitigation that takes place behind the scenes. The sad thing about technical expertise is that when you get things right, everyone just expects that, and if you make a mistake you never hear the end of it. But the joy in expertise is watching your machine work, while everyone is none the wiser of its intracies.
In both cases above it is not impossible for other parties to achieve this or even do better, but without some evidence to look at, it's all just words. As much as I would like to see other parties flourish, I simply can't see the state that we are in giving us a chance to gamble with untested leadership.

Its understood that we have skills. Those features reflect an individual who has lived and likely been in the workforce for awhile.
I'm not your typical GenX. I have current skills that are transferable.
I don't fit the recent college grad, company work cultures that don't embrace multiple generations. I looked at the reviews, photos, and that tells me how the company brands its image.
What companies hire for multi-industry experience, in insurance, banking and would that transfer to paralegal work for plaintiff side lawyers?
The main issue is pay and benefits.
If I were to work in insurance (not life sales) what companies hire someone with experience? Despite my 8 years in that field, Progressive wanted me to take silly games and match the shapes tests, even though I trained employees how to pass insurance licensing exams and worked in the industry.
Those are the silly tricks companies have to create barriers to employment and a youth based workforce.
Juvenile, puzzles and shape matching tests. I'm surprised they don't give out coloring books to see if you can color within the lines.
My competitive advantage in HR is that I've worked in all areas and also have outside industry experience which makes me well-rounded.
I'm lacking the photo on my desk with Magic Kingdom, Mackey and Minnie and spouse and children. That's what most companies which are conservative cultures want.
I dress conservatively, I have bipartisan views that I keep to myself so, outwardly, you wouldn't know where I stand.
Temp agencies don't have anything because they hire sales people to support their client employers who avoid PTO, health benefits and want an unemployment buffer.
I need income now. I used call centers for stopgap work, and even when I meet the strict and narrow performance metrics, and pee break schedule adherence, it doesn't get me promoted.
What places will hire people like us?
Thank you and I hope your day is going well.
EDIT to add, I don't think companies that hire people right out of college, feel comfortable hiring middle aged people who suffered from economic and health losses during and after Covid when everything was shut down and many people lost their incomes. Those whose jobs weren't impacted at that time, don't have a clue about those who lost their health, savings and livelihood. Rebuilding is stressful and I think certain companies want that recent college grad vibrancy versus a middle aged person's dedication, while suffering in silence with stress due to piled up debt and delayed health treatment issues. We might not exude conviviality, innocence and the same motivations when underpaid as opposed to someone who feels that they are paid adequately or more.
So many jobs that are posted for FT would require me to have a 2nd job in addition to that which could compromise my energies in the first job.
If you are paid more than your age, then you are doing well. Many of these jobs aren't paying me at or above my age.

Its understood that we have skills. Those features reflect an individual who has lived and likely been in the workforce for awhile.
I'm not your typical GenX. I have current skills that are transferable.
I don't fit the recent college grad, company work cultures that don't embrace multiple generations. I looked at the reviews, photos, and that tells me how the company brands its image.
What companies hire for multi-industry experience, in insurance, banking and would that transfer to paralegal work for plaintiff side lawyers?
The main issue is pay and benefits.
If I were to work in insurance (not life sales) what companies hire someone with experience? Despite my 8 years in that field, Progressive wanted me to take silly games and match the shapes tests, even though I trained employees how to pass insurance licensing exams and worked in the industry.
Those are the silly tricks companies have to create barriers to employment and a youth based workforce.
Juvenile, puzzles and shape matching tests. I'm surprised they don't give out coloring books to see if you can color within the lines.
My competitive advantage in HR is that I've worked in all areas and also have outside industry experience which makes me well-rounded.
I'm lacking the photo on my desk with Magic Kingdom, Mackey and Minnie and spouse and children. That's what most companies which are conservative cultures want.
I dress conservatively, I have bipartisan views that I keep to myself so, outwardly, you wouldn't know where I stand.
Temp agencies don't have anything because they hire sales people to support their client employers who avoid PTO, health benefits and want an unemployment buffer.
I need income now. I used call centers for stopgap work, and even when I meet the strict and narrow performance metrics, and pee break schedule adherence, it doesn't get me promoted.
What places will hire people like us?
Thank you and I hope your day is going well.
EDIT to add, I don't think companies that hire people right out of college, feel comfortable hiring middle aged people who suffered from economic and health losses during and after Covid when everything was shut down and many people lost their incomes. Those whose jobs weren't impacted at that time, don't have a clue about those who lost their health, savings and livelihood. Rebuilding is stressful and I think certain companies want that recent college grad vibrancy versus a middle aged person's dedication, while suffering in silence with stress due to piled up debt and delayed health treatment issues. We might not exude conviviality, innocence and the same motivations when underpaid as opposed to someone who feels that they are paid adequately or more.
So many jobs that are posted for FT would require me to have a 2nd job in addition to that which could compromise my energies in the first job.
If you are paid more than your age, then you are doing well. Many of these jobs aren't paying me at or above my age.

Considerations on Sexual Immorality, Gender Identity, and my friends Non-Denominational Church.
A good friend of mine from a fairly conservative evangelical background is considering becoming a pastor at his non-denominational church. As part of the evaluation process, they asked him to write a paper on these topics that he is not an expert on.
He asked for my opinion and I offered to share it online to solicit constructive criticism, notes of encouragement, and or reading recommendations on these topics.
I believe his goal is to be faithful to the scriptures, loving to those outside the church, and challenging to those inside the church, as most of us could do better.
What he wrote is in the quotation marks below.
“1: Scope of the Issue
Sexual immorality has become a besetting and ubiquitous issue in our culture and in our churches. While many aspects of it are not novel or unique to this time and have clear scriptural input, there are others that bring challenges to our church for which we don’t have obvious precedent. The main point of these comments is to try and answer three questions with some degree of specificity: (1) how do we make ourselves a place where people who do not know Christ will feel welcome to come and learn of Him regardless of where they come from, (2) how do we pastorally care for people who have come in to the church with pre-existing circumstances related to sexual immorality, and (3) how do we equip our members to represent Christ to those in their lives that are dealing with these issues. We want to do this in a way that does not “walk a tight rope” or compromise to appease, but honors Scripture in its commands to both show compassion and exhort and correct. We must recognize that every individual circumstance is unique, and many will require careful and prayerful consideration, but this is meant to give a framework for that consideration.
2: Scriptural Basis for Corporate Response
There are many references we can point to that discuss and define sexual immorality throughout Scripture and many of these will be used below as we consider specific examples and situations. Let us start, however, by looking at passages that deal with corporate response rather than individual sin. It is clear that the Corinthian church had significant issues in this area, and much of Paul’s first letter was devoted to it. In chapter 5, Paul states that when sexual immorality is discovered in the church we should “mourn” over it and “not to associate with immoral people.” Importantly, he also makes clear in vv. 9-13 that these comments only apply to those “who bears the name of brother.” He explicitly writes, “not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world…for what have I to do with judging outsiders?” This is key in informing our response to those who are not members of the church. If it is our desire to see sinners come through our doors and come to know our Savior through our ministry, then we must be welcoming, accepting them where they are. This is not to say we hide or compromise the biblical position, but it is not an issue on which we want to filter people at the door. There are three categories of people in sexual sin that we need to form a response for. First, those just coming to the church who have not committed to it – these should be treated the same as any we are reaching out to with Christ’s love. They need Jesus, not behavioral change. Next, those who have recently joined the church but have pre-existing sexual sin patterns. This can and should be addressed with patience, dignity, and love. There are often many sin areas in the life of a new believer, and it is prudent to discern how and when to address each of them. Lastly, those who have been members in the church for some amount of time and fall into sexual sin. This is the group that Paul is primarily addressing in 1 Corinthians. While sex within marriage is a private issue, sexual sin cannot be a taboo topic. It needs to be addressed regularly and clearly. We need close enough relationships within the church that such problems do not fester in the dark. We must avoid the typical church pattern to vilify the first group, never see the second group, and pretend the third group doesn’t exist until it all blows up in scandal. May it never be.
3: Consistency Issue
There is a tendency in our Christian culture to treat some sexual sins as worse than others. Like the Corinthians, some things we seem to have accepted as just ubiquitous parts of our culture. Knowing the prevalence of promiscuity and fornication among teens and single adults and usage of pornography even within the church, we tend to address these as issues of indwelling sin, similar to anger or fear of man, with offers of accountability and understanding when someone falls. By contrast, when it comes to homosexuality or adultery, it is often a church discipline issue. We view homosexual marriage as a major problem, but remarriage after a non-biblical divorce is rarely addressed. These inconsistencies lead to stigmatization and polarization and should have no place in the church. The criterion for escalation should be unrepentance, not the nature of the sexual sin. It is clear from 1 Corinthians that all should be taken seriously, but none should be vilified above others.
4: Culture and Identity
The major underlying problem with many of the sexual sin and gender issues is that they have come to be culturally bound up with people’s identities. This is not a new phenomenon and is not unique to this issue. As far back as Acts 19, you see people becoming “enraged” because Paul had threatened the Ephesians’ cultural identity as worshipers of Artemis. People continue to find their primary identities in their employment, hobbies, sports teams, or families rather than Christ. None of these should be accepted, but none should be reviled either. If a person does not know Jesus, they are dead. How they identify themselves is of no concern. Once they have been made alive, they can be taught that “whose” they are is more important than “who” they are. All identity outside of Christ is not sinful, but if it takes paramount importance, it may become so. A person who recognizes a tendency toward same sex attraction may label themselves as gay or lesbian. This should not be considered a sin issue unless it becomes, for them, their defining characteristic or leads to sinful actions. We should recognize the difficulty of this struggle and support such a person rather than get hung up on labels. There must be clear distinction between identifying same sex attraction and engaging in homosexual behavior. These should be the guiding principles underlying everything that follows are regards individual cases.
5: Public Facing Information, Guests, and New Attendees
Considering what we have discussed, and Paul’s assertion in 1 Corinthians 5 that we ought to reserve judgment on sexual immorality to those we call brother, I would submit that public facing information regarding the church (i.e. website, app, etc) should not publish a position on sexual immorality, marriage, and gender identity. Doing so effectively places the filter at the door so that people who do not know Christ may be turned away from it. This is not tantamount to tacit approval. In appropriate contexts within the church, these topics should still be discussed and addressed, but I do not believe it is consistent with a biblical treatment of unbelievers to place it in a public facing forum. If we have guests or new regular attendees who appear to be engaged in a cohabitating or fornicating relationship, a homosexual relationship, or other sexual sin, this should not be a priority to address unless we have discerned that they are believers and join the church. Even then, it is important to draw a distinction between someone who deals with same-sex attraction and someone who engages in homosexual behavior. The next seven points are meant to discuss, in broad terms, how we should address those who join the church with pre-existing relationships or identity issues:
6: Promiscuity, Cohabitation – Hebrews 13:4, 1 Cor 7:1-2, Ex 22:16
Much of the biblical discussion on promiscuity is by inference. Clearly, sex was meant to be inseparably linked to marriage and outside of that context should be considered immoral. For those who join the church already in a sexual relationship who are unmarried we should apply Exodus 22:16 and encourage them to marry as soon as possible. If they do not wish to marry, they should be encouraged to separate. Paul acknowledges in 1 Cor 7:2 that marriage is the best remedy for “temptation to sexual immorality.”
7: Adultery, Divorce and Remarriage – Matt 5:32, Matt 19:9, 1 Cor 7:10-11
This issue is given much more explicit biblical instruction but is often glossed over in our Christian culture due to the messy landscape of divorces and remarriages. In cases where non-biblical divorce has occurred, if reconciliation is possible, this should be pursued. If reconciliation is impossible because one or more parties have remarried, it would not be sensible to divorce again in order to achieve reconciliation. The principle to apply here, I believe, is from 1 Cor 7:17-24 summarized in verse 20: “Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called.” This is not an ideal circumstance, but it is the best way forward in an imperfect world. Of note, polygamy was common in the culture of the early church, and while not ideal, was accepted by the church, as evidenced by the qualifications for elder to be “a husband of but one wife.” We have polygamous cultures even within our local community and if they came to Christ, we should not counsel them to divorce all but one wife and thus disrupt their social structure. It is not ideal and would disqualify them from eldership, but they should remain as they are. Whether marriage after unbiblical divorce in the past disqualifies a man from eldership is a case-by case question for the eldership.
8: Pornography, Sensuality, and Lust – Lev 18:6-18, Matt 5:28
As mentioned above, use of pornography has reached a high saturation point within our culture and within our church. While once thought of as simply a male issue, there is a growing trend toward gender parity in pornography usage. It is an issue that should be discussed with some frequency within our church. For those that join the church and view pornography regularly, it needs to be made clear that while the world has largely destigmatized it, it is still sexual immorality. Furthermore, this isn’t just limited to nudity and pornography, but any sensuality that leads to looking at someone “with lustful intent” is the heart equivalent of adultery according to Matt 5:28. In our culture, it is not possible to avoid such things by just turning away. We need to address the heart issues of idolatry, selfishness, and satisfaction in Christ. Practically, how should we deal with those who have on-going struggles with pornography, sensuality and lust? Should this preclude them from eldership? From deaconship? Taken strictly, this would preclude nearly all men from eldership. These require individual evaluation from the elders, but a guiding principle should be, if the person is repentant and there is evidence of growth in their life, we should consider more responsibility and continued discipleship.
9: Homosexuality – Lev 18:22, Lev 20:13, 1 Cor 6:9, 1 Tim 1:8-11
From the above references and others, it is evident that homosexual behavior is sexual sin. We cannot equivocate on that point. As we have discussed above, if a person who is already a believer and in the church and struggles with same sex attraction, we should approach them as we would handle anyone who is sexually attracted to someone to whom they are not married. If such a person decides that homosexuality is not sinful and begins sexually immoral activity, we should deal with them in the same way as any member who falls into unrepentant sin and go through the processes of correction and, if necessary, of church discipline. It is important that we draw a distinction between same sex attraction and homosexual behavior. We can do tremendous harm by demonizing same sex attraction and creating a taboo around it. A person who is struggling to abstain from homosexual behavior should be supported and encouraged. I believe Paul’s strong statements about not associating with sexually immoral people applies to those who remain unrepentant. Much more nuanced is the issue of how we address those that join the church already in a homosexual relationship. What about the married homosexual couple who join the church with their adopted child? Should we break up their family? I believe, in this case, the same principle should apply as to those who have gone through an unbiblical divorce in the past. We should apply 1 Cor 7:20: “Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called.” We can recognize that this is not ideal, but it is the best we can do in a fallen world just as we do with someone who is married after unbiblical divorce. Whether should apply to a homosexual couple in a long term committed relationship who are not legally married would be an individual discussion with the elders. Again, these are nuanced cases that will need individual prayer, discussion, and discernment. I believe a great deal more patience is called for when a new believer joins the church that has a history or present reality of homosexuality, even if they are unrepentant at first, believing that homosexuality is not sinful, than we would demonstrate to a person who has been in the church for a period of time and then decides to pursue a homosexual relationship.
10: Bisexuality – Heb 13:4
Bisexual attraction is no more or less of an issue than anyone who finds that they are sexually attracted to someone other than their spouse. This is not a rare or unique circumstance, even within the church. Someone who is practicing bisexuality is, by definition, not confining sex to the marriage bed, and this, therefore, qualifies as sexual immorality. The issue, here again, is one of identity and cultural acceptance. If a person “identifies as bisexual,” the real issue is not the bisexuality, but the fact that they identify themselves primarily by their sexual desires, and not by Christ. It would be equally a problem if they “identified as heterosexual” and that was seen as their defining characteristic. If such a person were to join the church, our priority should be in helping them see their identity in Christ rather than focusing on renouncing their sexual preference.
11: Transgenderism/Non-binarism – Psalm 139: 13-15
It should be noted that the next two points should not be considered in the category of sexual immorality, but as they are connected to the same cultural moment will be discussed here. It should further be remarked that transgenderism is a modern issue with no direct reference in Scripture. It is a challenging issue that often falls prey to oversimplification and scapegoating. It is not sufficient to simply state that a person should identify with their born gender. There are those born with ambiguous genitalia and those born with sex chromosome abnormalities such that “born gender” is not necessarily accurate. These occur with a frequency of 1 in 448 births on average which is not particularly rare. The majority of people who consider themselves to be transgender do not fall into these categories, but the fact remains that these categories exist. Unless we plan to embark on genetic testing, we must be careful how we assert someone’s gender assignment. Furthermore, we must acknowledge that much of the gender confusion in our culture is due to a distortion of biblically accurate masculinity and femininity in our culture of which the church has been widely supportive for generations. Many transgender and non-binary individuals consider themselves so because they do not fit into the traditional boxes our culture has created for the genders. The church can start by recognizing that these boxes are incorrect. We can also acknowledge that gender differences and roles are far less important than most human cultures perceive. Christ himself challenged many gender norms in his ministry and Paul maintains “…there is no male or female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Gal 3:28b) It is much more difficult to recognize this issue as a sin issue than many of the above concerns. If someone wishes to be addressed by different pronouns than they once did or dress differently than they once did, this does not amount to immorality. Once again, this can be an idolatrous identity issue if the person sees it as the central characteristic of their lives. There is often an inherent pride in asserting that such a person does not feel they fit in the body created for them, but if they come to love Jesus and understand and believe that they are “fearfully and wonderfully made” then this issue may become moot. Whether or not they revert to dressing differently or using pronouns they did when they were younger is largely immaterial. This also addresses the issue of people who may have undergone permanent physical changes. While we should not endorse such modification if it is being considered, there is no reason to reverse such a thing in order to return to a base state. We must recognize that this is a group that has a high propensity toward mental health concerns, instability, and suicidality. They need love, support and prayer, not scapegoating and extra-biblical expectations of conforming to a cultural norm. We must further note that this group as well as the homosexual group have often experienced psychological and even physical harm from others in our culture, sometimes in the name of Christ. We must foster an environment of champions physical and psychological safety for these people.
12: Asexuality – 1 Cor 7:25-38
Asexuality also should not be considered sexual immorality. There is, in fact, wide support in Paul’s letters such as in 1 Cor 7 for people, if they are able, to remain unmarried and be “anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.” We tend to champion the model of the nuclear family in our Christian culture, but Paul sees chaste singleness as a better way. There should be no pressure from the church to make sure that single people pair off and get married because it is expected of them. As this state has been culturally identified with the LGBTQIA movement, it is seen on the same spectrum as the sexual immorality and gender issues discussed above, but it is not. It can still fall prey to the same issue of an idolatrous identity as some of the above issues, but it need not be so.
13: Glass Ceiling
In the event that God sees fit to bring people from these subgroups into our church, there would inevitably be a glass ceiling. The question is at what point. The four logical points are: regular attender, member, deacon, and elder. Regardless of their background or position, all should be welcome to be a regular attender. It is also clear, from the biblical requirements for eldership, that on-going problems or engagement in any of the sexual sins would disqualify them from that post. The middle two are less clear. I would submit that the bar for membership should be very low. This step, in my opinion, is when they would “bear the name of brother” and not before. Even if they disagree about the sinful nature of homosexuality, this should not disallow them from becoming members as long as they agree to submit to the churches position and not cause division. Allowing them to become members gives us the pastoral authority to speak into their lives, and we would hope that over time the Spirit would work in their hearts to convince them of the truth. Putting such a person in a deacon role would probably not be wise but would need to be evaluated prayerfully on a case-by-case basis. The difficulty here is that, while a position on homosexuality is not a salvific issue and should not be considered a core doctrine in the same way as the deity of Christ, for example, it is a sin issue. There is a limit to how far we can “agree to disagree” and still uphold our duty to root out sin in our midst. Once again, we should also distinguish between a struggle with same sex attraction and engagement in homosexual behavior when we consider our response. There is also a glass ceiling when it comes to marriage. While I believe we should not break up existing homosexual marriages, we should not participate in creating them. The marriage covenant between a man and woman was created, in part, to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church (Eph 5). This should not be co-opted to excuse or normalize immorality.
14: Nuance and Edge Cases
The above outline is by no means meant to be exhaustive or definitive. It is meant to provide a lens, supported by scripture, through which we can view these issues and consider corporate and pastoral responses. It should inform how we view the people that walk through the door from a wide range of backgrounds and how we equip those in our church to be Christ’s ambassadors to those in our community. Every person and circumstance, history and baggage will be different, and any non-nuanced position would be inherently evil. I pray we have many opportunities to talk, think and pray through specific situations that God would bless us with the chance to be a part of. What an honor it would be to be used to reach into broken lives like these with the Gospel of Grace.
15: Action Steps
As we consider practical and philosophical ways of responding to the above, I believe we should start from a position of corporate repentance. If we wish to truly reach out and touch the lives of broken people in need of a Savior who live a life of same sex attraction or gender dysphoria, we need to begin by recognizing that a great deal of harm, emotional and physical, has been inflicted on this group by the Church for generations. There are homeless people living in our area who were kicked out of their homes by parents holding a Bible. There are those who have been subjected to horrific methods that amount to torture under the guise of “Conversion Therapy” from Christian organizations. The only “conversion” we should concern ourselves with is to a regenerate heart. Attempting to change someone’s sexual attraction is very much beside the point. We cannot hope to be a place where such people can hear about Jesus unless they feel safe to enter our doors. We must also fight the tendency to consider sin in this area as something worse than others, even in non-Christians. James 2 says “…For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become guilty of all of it….So speak and so act as those who are to be judged under the law of liberty. For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.” As we consider corporate and pastoral responses to the argument above, we must start by removing our own planks and repenting for the historical actions of the Church.
Practical steps that we could consider taking would include: removing the statements from the website about marriage and sexuality, especially directly under our Core Beliefs. Again, this is not meant to hide or equivocate on the truth, but not to set such a barrier before someone even walks through our door. Secondly, we should consider how to address these topics within the church. A Sunday morning sermon is not ideal as it is time limited and a unidirectional conversation. A small group course format would be a consideration. We need to equip parents and family members of adolescents, teens, and adults with language to talk about these things in loving, humble, God-honoring ways. In the longer term, we need to consider how we can make our church a place where people would feel comfortable inviting friends and family who look, think and act differently than we do. We need to find a way of projecting safety and inclusion even in our public facing information. This isn’t a balancing act where we must make it clear early and often that we “love the sinner but hate the sin” as the saying goes. We just need to love the sinner. Dealing with the sin can come later God-willing. A third application point is to be mindful of what we say and what we allow to be said without being checked. Certainly, joking at the expense of those who are dealing with these issues is unacceptable, but we also need to work to avoid getting dragged in to pseudo-political discussions on bathroom issues, sports issues or other divisive concerns that have no bearing on the church.
I recognize that these proposals have the potential to divide the church. There are some who may leave the body over these sorts of changes. I would argue that it is our responsibility to them as well as to the unreached in our community to have those discussions and risk some of them leaving over it. These are not all things we should change overnight but after ample opportunities for discussions and prayer.
16: Conclusion – Mark 2:15-17
At its core, these are not issues of who someone loves, sexual attraction, or even specific sex acts. The core is idolatry and identity. When acceptance by others, self-determination, or physical pleasure become the central force driving our lives then we have become idolators. Though our idols take on different shapes, the struggles in this space are shared by all. Whether you are identified by your profession, your family, or your gender identity, you are not being identified by your Master. Building fences around or within the church because someone sins in a different way than us cannot be allowed. Making the excuse that we are somehow “protecting our children” by shielding them from people in our community who desperately need a Savior will not show our children who Jesus is. Within the church, we cannot be afraid to “speak the truth in love.” We need not and cannot shy away from sin in the church, but we must recognize that the Spirit works in each of our lives. Often this happens over a period of time. We should be prepared to walk alongside our brothers and sisters in this journey for as long as they need.
There is a significant correlation between this community and their relationship with religious groups, and the “tax collectors and sinners” that Jesus sought out in His ministry and their relationship with the religious leaders of the day. Our heart should reflect His. Jesus responded: “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” (Mark 2:17) If our church was filled with transgender people and gay families that loved Jesus, God would be glorified.”
Thank you in advance for any constructive criticism, notes of encouragement to and or reading recommendations on these topics that I can pass along.

Hey I'm looking for advice about approaching dating women when I'm a sub-leaning queer man (I'm bisexual and I identify with masculinity and femininity/I'm a crossdresser).
I find that I'm mostly romantically attracted to women. It's rare that I'm romantically attracted to men irl. However, in the bedroom I'm definitely sub-leaning. My main source of pleasure is receiving anal sex. The most pleasure I've ever received is by being pegged by women. With men, I've only ever been a bottom but I've found I haven't enjoyed receiving anal sex with men nearly as much as I enjoy being pegged by women, mostly because I'm just not that romantically attracted to most men or even sexually attracted to their bodies (apart from their dicks).
I find that when I'm with women, I sometimes feel more dominant and I sometimes feel more submissive. It depends on the woman I'm with and how I'm feeling that day. When I'm tired or unsure of myself, I'm more likely to be submissive. When I'm feeling more confident, I'm more likely to be dominant.
I have fucked women before but one issue I've faced recently is that sometimes I just don't have a desire to fuck a woman. I may be very turned on by a woman and I'll enjoy kissing her, fingering her, giving her oral etc but I sometimes lack the desire to fuck her, and I sometimes get anxiety about fucking someone so I may lose my erection through overthinking before sex even starts. My main desire with her is for her to peg me and be dominant with me.
I feel like this is a little difficult to explain to women. Some women may think I'm gay because I don't always want to fuck women, but I don't enjoy being sexual with men all that much, and I get very turned on by women (albeit I sometimes just don't feel the desire to fuck anyone).
Can anyone else relate to feeling what I feel? Of being a sub-leaning queer man who mainly desires to date women? Can you offer me any advice about how to approach dating?
Thank you

I know there's a lot of praise going on for the graphics and port, but after playing 10 hours (still in Act I), I can say that the writing so far have been nothing short of fantastic for this type of game:

1. The game really subverts the expectation of samurai culture in terms of subverting the idealization of the samurai ideals (honorable, loyal, stoic, skilled, etc.) with the true nature of the culture of the time (brutality, rigidity, stubbornness, pettiness, and backstabbing galore) and made it literally part of the game mechanics. Jin's struggle between maintaining his samurai ideals and practical war tactics (i.e. the ghost tactics) is literally night and day for the game. I found out that the weather changes depending on Jin's maintaining his samurai honor (sunny day) versus ghost tactics (storm and rainy), and it's quite profound. As a player, I really feel the pressure to try to fight as "honorably" as possible given the chance, and that is very much consistent with Jin's overarching story arc.
   
2. For the unrivaled natural beauty showed in the game, there is a very profound sadness underlying the entirety of the people across the island. It is an island where the people were being invaded, and their lives were not great to begin with. Thus, whenever I see the small things in life that can be enjoyed/reflected upon (hot springs, haiku spots, standing on a nice spot to observe nature), there is a sense of small peace/relief that I also get to experience.
   
3. The haikus and self-reflections in the hot springs are significant because it really gives us an insight of Jin's character as a person dealing with his extremely traumatic life as a samurai and folk hero. You can see his struggle for trying to do the right thing, but also weighed down by what is expected out of him being a samurai in that day.
   
4. The tragedies and sadness that the side characters had to go through (Ishikawa Sensei, Masako, Yuna, Taka, etc.) remind me that in a war, everyone suffers, and everyone has to make difficult choices that have consequences. The game also shows that for all the things samurais were known for (i.e. honor), they got royally fucked because of their own code and culture (getting wiped out by the Mongols for trying to fight honorably, students betraying teachers, families decimating one another).
   

All in all, for a western (non-Japanese) developer, Sucker Punch in my opinion nailed the realism and humanity of being a samurai during the Mongol invasion. The profound beauty of the nature of the game, the deeply philosophical and spiritual side quests, and the profound sadness of the characters living in Tsushima during that time is a complete package of what I think a great samurai story should be.
This is very much consistent with other great Samurai stories (i.e. Kurosawa movies, Rurouni Kenshin, Samurai Champloo, Lone Wolf and Cub, and even Samurai Jack), where the action, drama, and setting are always layered with profound sadness/trauma from the characters involved.

I worked in the Provo Utah Temple and the Temple Department of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. When I reported to my supervisor, director, managing director, executive director, HR, general authorities, and top leadership if the Church the abuse suffered by myself and many Church employees in the Provo Utah Temple they ignored me, retaliated, became hostile, defended the abusers, and punished me. They sought to silence me, refused to follow Church HR policies, practices and procedures, and ultimately sought to silence me. In my experience the Church doesn't care about the truth of abuse, illegal conduct I witnessed in the Temples, and doesn't want bad news to get to the First Presidency of the Church. So they act in disgusting, despicable, and illegal ways to silence whistleblowers.
As I blew the whistle my direct report began to lie to the Temple President and Temple Department about my conduct. All written documentation shows I received above average reviews yet behind the scenes he verbally was destroying my reputation and career. This began after he broke into my computer by resetting my password, stealing my journal and password file, and paying for a software cracking utility to get into my journal and password file. I was then transferred tot he Temple Department for a "developmental assignment". During this time I had to go see a therapist and get on medication to deal with the constant depression I felt. The Recorder still works in a temple today.
Once at the Temple Department my job was threatened by the Director only a few days after arriving. He stated that because I asked to see an HR policy in writing that I lacked judgement, may never be a Temple Recorder, and they were considering whether to keep me. He was an abusive, Pharisaic, self righteous, hypocritical, and overbearing man. So abusive and oppressive was this man that I began to have bleeding ulcers and severe stomach pain every time I got off the bus to start my day at the Church office buildings. He was a vile man and still works in the temple department today.
Eventually, I was forced out of my job and was told the reason was that I was "not a good fit" for the job despite recommendations for temple presidencies, the temple recorder (in writing), and an analysis they had me do (they refused to share the results with me and were trying to use that analysis to get show I wasn't a good fit. However, when I passed it they simply used "not a good fit" as an excuse). When I asked, in a recorded conversation, what I had done wrong he stated I had done nothing wrong, my work was excellent, and acknowledged my excellent reviews.
However, when I began to appeal suddenly multiple "issues" with my conduct and work suddenly arose. These deceptive and manipulative men didn't realize I had recorded the conversation and when I presented that fact they suddenly stated my recording as one of the reasons for my being released. Think about that for a moment, it is astounding! They then sought to demonize me and have ever since. They also said they were "tucked it" with their attorneys, Kirton & McConkie, who also refused to look at the evidence or acknowledge the Church was not following their own procedures for termination.
The Church failed to train and counsel, were inconsistent in their treatment of employees, spoke inappropriately about current and former employees, did not hold regular development discussions, did not give honest and timely feedback or write me up if indeed I had done the things they said I did as they tried to defend their termination actions, did not give me 3 appeals as required by their own policies, did not follow their own termination checklist, did not give opportunities to improve my performance if what they said during my appeals was true, did not give me an opportunity to explain my side of the situation, did not ensure the action taken was consistent with the action taken for other employees, and did not consistently apply policies, procedures and standards of performance.
Why? Because I was a whistleblower trying to expose abuse in a Temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. As a whistleblower their goal was to shut me down as quickly and harshly as possible. They saw my reports as attacking the Church. How dare I speak in such a manner about my superiors and the "only true and living church on the face of the earth". How dare I call into question the conduct of such inspired and holy men.
My advice is to not bother trying to go to the Church. Go to law enforcement, to state and federal agencies, to an attorney. But DO NOT try to report illegal activity to the Church. They simply don't care and will seek to punish and bury you.

Hi y’all,
Wanted to share this insight (in the hopes also the folks at CZM see it) about the effects of neglect on childhood development, and that Schraber may not have been schizophrenic at all. I say this having not read anything further and just from listening to the podcast so I may be missing crucial information.
When children are physically neglected their brains develop differently. Often times the child creates a rich inner world to compensate for reality. The distinction between young children (under 5) and adolescents or adults experiencing trauma is that young children have more vibrant and real feeling imaginations (for example, my teddy bear has the same emotions I do so must care for him). This can lead children to develop a dissociative identity disorder. This diagnosis has gotten blown up by TikTok unfortunately. In reality, that will typically mean the child becomes an adult whose inner world is more “real” than the outer world. This happens out of necessity, so they can cope with how terrifying real life is. They will often blame themselves or fictional others for their suffering, rather than the parent. For a parent to be “bad”=death in a developing mind. So all these other fantasies and/or self blame step in to compensate.
For further context, I’m a trauma therapist and have had a rare few clients who have developed in this way and it’s because of physical, emotional neglect and torture. They get screened for schizophrenia/bipolar spectrum and do not meet the criteria. Further, it was typical to call pretty much any mental illness schizophrenia up until maybe the 70s or 80s (don’t have the exact dates in my brain). So it’s good to be skeptical when you hear that diagnosis historically. I’m sure Robert is aware of that, but maybe not this other facet of how specific kinds of trauma affect brain development.
I also share this to highlight the significance of neglect. It’s now more commonly understood in trauma therapy that physical and emotional neglect can have the absolute worst effects on children. It’s understandable that people gravitate to CSA as the worst (because it’s disgusting and horrible obviously) but kids who experience that kind of trauma (if not combined with torture and neglect) have better outcomes as adults than kids who were never touched lovingly as children. That distinction is only to highlight how we really need to give one million shits about poverty first and foremost. And that’s not blame for parents, rather if parents aren’t able to care for and nurture their children they will have worse outcomes as adults. It also makes these back to back series about horrible childcare so fascinating, and to consider what neglect does to a society at large.
Anyways, thought you all might find that interesting or useful. Not a cool brag but I can handle CSA content but when I hear about babies and very young kids being left in the cold it makes me feel like I’m about to pass out because I know what’s happening in their poor brains (example of this: You’re Wrong About ep on crack babies, I feel nauseous thinking about it still).
Would love to hear thoughts from my fellow clinical psychologists!

Hi! I'm a writer who deals heavily in psychological and mental health themes, and I'm getting ready to self-publish my first book, 'The Book of Warren.' I wrote the first draft in 2017 and have gone through countless rewrites, getting a 5/5 rating from a beta reader and getting a variety of feedback from different people. 'The Book of Warren' is an epistolary novel about a gay man dealing with family issues while suffering depression.
I'm questioning my gender identity, but I'm not out as trans. I was born female and don't have experiences that a gay man might have. I was told I should have a sensitivity reader, but they seem a little overly to me. I was matched with a two-spirit non-binary person who promised to cleanse people's manuscripts of 'bad medicine.' Yikes. My manuscript is fairly dark overall, and I want somebody who understands that, and that the main character isn't always supposed to be likable.
People who understand that just because a character says something or does something, that doesn't mean it reflects the personal feelings of the author. People don't seem to get that these days. So basically, I was looking for someone (preferably a gay man, but a lesbian or bisexual/pansexual person is fine too) to do a read-through and offer opinions and ideas. Somebody who has an understanding of self-publishing and can offer me guidance would be a huge plus.
In return I could pay you or if you have a manuscript of your own, I could read it and give detailed feedback. I'm very passionate about this project and I'm hoping to be ready to self-publish this book by the end of the year. I've never self-published before so I honestly have no idea what I'm doing, LOL. I'm just watching videos and taking notes. I think I'm on my final draft and almost have the story where I want it. Thanks!

TW for people with eating disorders. And TW in general too, ig.
I (31F) have been suffering from pcos on and off since I was 15 or 16. I live in a small town and didn't get a proper diagnosis for the most part of my life. I suffered from a range of side effects from all the treatments I received(or the lack of). I've been overweight almost all my life and bled out for too long until one day in my early twenties I decided enough was enough and started working out out of sheer stubbornness. My weight dropped to a healthy range and I was eating well, was completely off sugars and processed food for almost 8 years and didn't have any cravings or withdrawals. Everything was fine until 2021. I had a fall and fractured my tailbone, had to quit my job, went through a breakup, was in a crash, endured a couple of more back injuries and was caught up in a toxic situation with my family as well. All of this took a toll on my mental health and I spiralled. Food has always been something I abused when things weren't alright and I went back to binging on unhealthy stuff and my pcos resurfaced in a much more intense way. My weight shot up from 68kg to 90kg in a very short span of time. I bled heavily almost everyday from July 2021 to June 2022 just because I was kind of bedridden because of my injury and had no support from anyone to get the required medical attention. I had to be a full time caregiver for my grandpa since May, 2022 and did not have a chance to prioritise myself in any way. He passed away recently and that loss hit harder than anything ever.
One of the gynecs I went to before my weightloss was extremely insensitive and was like you're depressed and you're prediabetic. There's no saving you. After a lot of trial and error, I found a course of homeopathic treatment to be helpful for a while but that stopped being effective too. Luckily, the weightloss and the habits I built helped maintain my health for a long time.
The gynec I'm currently seeing has a good understanding of my case and gives good advice too but the past couple of sessions with her have been a little frustrating. She hasn't addressed some of my concerns like chronic fatigue and extreme hairloss saying the weather has been harsh and a lot of people are complaining about the same things. She said we should wait before considering any tests or supplements. She put me on biotin a few months ago but that did not help at all. I started rosemary+rice water for hair because someone told me to give it a try. I tried redensyl + anagain. None of them helped. My gynec keeps telling me to reduce my stress levels and lose weight and I've been trying everything in my power to. I started going on walks, started some low intensity workouts and I've been mindful of what I eat as well. I've been trying to turn things around but nothing seems to be working. I'm currently on birth control pills. I missed a preiod for the first time in a decade and when I got one this month, it was really painful. I quickly regain the weight I lose. My muscles feel sore all the time. My anemia hasn't improved. Everyone just thinks I'm being lazy and I'm just finding excuses to not workout like I used to or go about my day like I used to. I wake up extremely late now, struggle to fall asleep, feel anxious all the time, feel extremely weak but also nauseated and bloated if I eat something, ibs pain is torturous, my skin looks lackluster, the hormonal acne are a nightmare if they show up, there's a constant discomfort in my lower abdomen, I get migraines frequently, I'm constantly scared of my bone health and becoming a diabetic, my hair is thinning beyond control and I'm just losing hope.
I finally saw a dermatologist for my hairloss and she advised me to start using minoxidil. She suggested 6 sessions of prp/ gfc treatment along with it and when I asked if the results are permanent, she said I'd have to rely on minoxidil for the rest of my life if I wish to have any hairs on my head. That felt like a huge blow to my confidence because I used to have thick and lustrous curly hair and what I have now is unrecognizable.
Is there anything else I can do to regrow my hair and reverse the effects of PCOS in general too, because this course of treatment might be a bit too heavy on my pocket right now?