I’m a stay at home mom of two baby boys. Married 3 years & dated 6 months prior to marriage & got pregnant a couple of months before getting married.
I’m going to get shit for all my bad decision-making here.
I prayed (out loud) for a man that would meet all this criteria and one month later met my husband. He met all the criteria of my prayer so no matter what bad things happened, I thought God had this purposed for me. I mean like a checklist of 10-20 items all checked off. I was vedy devout in my faith. But, now looking back I feel like maybe it wasn’t God who answered my prayer. Maybe this was like a time in the book of Job where God let Satan attack Job and take everything away from him. I don’t know. Oddly enough, the man that became my husband said he prayed for this, too, one month prior.
He love-bombed me. He devalued me. Later, he threatened to leave me (but never has). While we were dating, when I was pregnant, when we were engaged. He called escorts behind my back. I find out he had sexual relations with a woman in his apartment complex one week before we started dating - he told me three years into our marriage. Before we dated, he also had a two year affair with a married woman (whose husband to this day has no idea about it.) He was meeting her and texting her behind my back 2 weeks into us being officially dating exclusively. I find out because he got arrested and I went to pick up his things on his person at the jail. I guess his passcode in one try and there I see the truth. He lied about this woman - he said she was a best friend with no I love yous and no sexual relations. He even asked me if it was okay to be friends with her and I asked him those two questions. He lied and the proof was right there. We were fairly new so I didn’t read too many texts. I spent one hour on his phone at most and handling a panic attack in between.
I read where he texted escorts, too, and read two other relationships he had while seeing this married woman. My mind was blown. I was done. I screenshoted some evidence for my personal keepsake. I texted the married woman because their I love you was so recent. I told her what happened and said to go get him out of jail because I was done. She blew up my phone with texts. She wanted to know who I was and she wanted to share all the creepy details about this man. She claimed they only had sex twice and it was rape - bullshit. She also said a lot of other things like she knew when he bought me a coffee and knew when he went to the city to meet his friends. She said he said that they could still have sex while he was seeing me. He denied it and said it was the other way around.
When he got out of jail, he contacted me and sent me a video. She texted me to show me he sent her a video, too. Same shirt, same scenery and all filmed back after back. He told her how much he cared about her but he was letting her go. He came to meet me because I took his dog to care after her while he was in jail. He talked me into giving him one more chance. I moved into his apartment to get away from a situation at home. I fell for him hard and believed I was in love. We texted and talked all the time and when we were able, we were together. I went on a trip for a week withoht him to California. I got back and the sheets were washed. He said he did that for me so I can come home to clean sheets. Later over the course of our relationship I noticed he never much stepped up to do the laundry. A lot of chores started falling on me. Before even being married he expected me to coean his whole apartment which seemed to have never been touched once with any cleaning.
We were fighting a lot and I saw some of his anger but I thought he was just frustrated with things he was dealing with in his life. He got sort of pushy with me having intercourse with him at times I told him I didn’t want to because I wanted to wait. That made him angry. I find out that he had been FaceTiming escorts from the first weeks we started dating and found at least one call every month up to the week we were suppose to get married. I was shocked! I had no idea and I couldn’t believe it. We had intercourse so much that he wouldn’t need that so I thought. He said it was like porn to him and he had that habit from before he met me. Keep in mind, I’m religious so I was abstinent most of my life and these red flags weren’t so obvious to me. I thought most men were dogs like this. The biggest factor that blew my mind (of which he explained away) was that these escorts weren’t typical - they were transgender women and some still had their boy parts. After talking with someone who I thought was like a mom to me(I find oht later she wasn’t for me), I went through with the wedding, and besides, I was having his baby.
We moved states. I noticed a lot of verbal abuse starting from typically the night time as we shared a bed. He would cuss at me a lot and get so angry. It was almost every night. I was surprised - thinking who is this guy. He made me cry a lot. It was so stupid, I got screamed at just for rolling over in my sleep. He explained this away later after the problem got better. I began feeling like I made a mistake in marrying him. I was so scared at the same time because this was my first pregnancy. I feared so much about the “what ifs” and what world this baby was coming into.
The abuse got worse. It got physcial from time-to-time. He says I was abusive back but I feel like it was reactive abuse because it became too much for me. I would hit him back. It ate at my mind every day and I had all these hormones because I was going to have a baby soon. When pregnant, he has pushed me, held me down, jumped on me with his hands around my neck. He said things that were horrible like he would walk away from this son like he did his first son (he had a son from an earlier relationship which he had nothing to do with). Fear overcame me and some days I thought ending my life was the only way to escape my life and prevent a nightmare for my son. (These feelings relented later in time.)
One time he held up furniture above his head and he was ready to throw it at my head - I believe this was right after our son was born. We argued a lot because my mistrust in him because what I mentioned I discovered earlier. I wanted him to assure me he was trustworthy so sometimes I asked for his phone. Doing that resulted many times in violence and rage. When he had that furniture held up, I felt like he was going to end me right then and there. He stopped himself and I asked him why. He said because he saw the fear in my eyes.
We fought and made up A LOT. That was our relationship and me asking him where he has been or was he with someone. It was terrible for both of us. I discover later that he lied about a lot of things. I didn’t even know he didn’t have a drivers license until about 1-2 years into our marriage. I didn’t know the pictures of his boy parts I found once while dating were to the escorts. I asked him approximately a thousand times. He doesn’t just lie - he tells a story with details and the whole thing is a lie.
I use to check his phone and browser history because it was never ending place of discovery. I never got confessions out of him but I did get evidence that he thought he hid. He must have gotten better at hiding things because I would find less and less. I got to a point where I don’t check anymore - I know and it’s a damn headache to live like that. All the time he did these things, he swore his love for me. He said I was everything.
I discovered again a lie the first time he went to Miami last year (his first time away from me.) He took advantage and called at least ten eacorts and almost met up with one (or did. I don’t know. There’s no money spent but he lied and said the last escort called was his co-worker. I may never know what happened but his coworkers got weird around me after that trip. They won’t look me in the eye.) I didn’t know all this until December last year where I asked him for his T-Mobile password. He didn’t think I would find this when giving me the password.
I saw a text after that trip and found out he lied. He was awake at 2:00PM after he told me he went to bed on the phone. He told me how he missed me SOOO much. He said he tried putting his arm around me in bed to realize I was not there. We FOUGHT over the phone. He didn’t want me to see the rest of the texts between him and his coworker. He left bruises on my arms pushing and shoving me with all his strength. He overpowered me and I never saw the messages. He said he was hiding the fact ge did cocaine. I lost control because I pulled a knife out at him. Not to hurt him but to intimidate him. (I never lost it like this again -he ALWAYS uses this against me to say I’m the abusive one.)
December he admitted the elaborate cocaine story he gave me was a LIE. He said he did do cocaine but not how he told me. The real thing he was hiding was the escorts. At that time, I find out he kissed a coworker (maybe more but nobody will tell me anything.) Another girl told me he was always flirting with new hires. After I find this out from these girls, he put two holes in the walls and broke the doors at the apartment that was in my name. He also bought me $200 roses and a new marriage ring fo Christmas along with other nice gifts. He even goes to therapy to get better at his lying problem (which he only did for about 3 sessions.) He swore this was the last time I would EVER have this happen to me. He swore he loved me and our family. My second baby was born February after ALL of that.
November, my mom died and left me money. I find all that out after I put money on a house for us - Our first house. I made sure we were good. I made sure my baby had everything he could need. I didn’t even buy myself a new car (backstory I lost my good credit, my 2020 car and had one eviction in this marriage. I was almost $30,000 in debt after all of that. My husband made his bad credit good and how we got the house, too. He still has his car and no evictions on his name. We paid over $5,000 for his traffic tickets and court fees plus his debts.)
I could have left then but I was vulnerable because I was having another baby in two months.I feared all the time because I couldn’t get a job or keep one being pregnant and I worried about having one after because I wouldn’t make enough with him and me working would put us at a negative income. I tried building this website but I have yet to get sales. I knew I needed to get out but one last things I feared was breaking up my marriage. I thought he could get better for all his problems.
His anger reared its head again this past month. I found a book titled “Why did he do that.” My husband fits a lot of those examples of abusers. The book said the nice guy is the mask.
This time when he got angry, he said it was my fault he cheated on me. He said it’s a woman’s fault if a man cheats. He said that women need to keep a man happy. He said he had depression caused by me which he never mentioned before. He always said I made him happier than he ever has been in his life. I didn’t know about the cheating just like I didn’t know about the cause. He endlessly lied to me.
I went to his work and asked his boss about the girl he kissed. He is still lying. He said he told his boss what happened. His boss said they both said nothing when they came in for questioning. My husband got the word out and it turned into drama when those girls texted me.
My husband is two people. Dr. Jekell and Mr. Hyde. I just learned recently he has been reading my journals on my phone and texts between my sister. He read my reddit posts. He lied about this and kept it to himself. I feel like he may have planned trapping me in my marriage so I would have nothing. I feel like he is stalking me, too. I have 30K left locked up in a CD - he wants that when its available to pay off the credit cards in his name. We both spend on those cards for food and needs. I want to keep it as my nest just in case. He scares me sometimes. I feel like he may charm a judge when we fight for custody if I leave. I’m scared he will bring up the knife incident and the baker act (I was bakeracted last year when 5 months pregnant- he said he would cut me off financially and have me and our unborn baby fend for ourselves. I panicked and he was being a monster. I said he was hurting me and he said he didn’t care.) I told a cop I wanted to hurt myself but I wasn’t suicidal - I just feared my husband and wanted to get away from him. It was impulsive and I regretted saying it immediately. He was messing with my mind - he fake called the cops. Never dialed but acted out a conversation. I called right after.
I fear him. He is looking like a pscychopath to me or narcist - he pal ed his whole marriage and family around abuse and lies. He admitted to lying to keep me from leaving him on a few occassions. He would act like a little innocent and hurt boy. I could never see the abuser when he switched.
Would you be scared, too? I feel like no matter what I will never be free from him. My husband has once told me nobody will believe me. Everyone thinks I’m crazy - he said this right after convincing the cops that. (Time where he bent the truth to make it funny - the cops were sold.)

I’m a stay at home mom of two baby boys. Married 3 years & dated 6 months prior to marriage & got pregnant a couple of months before getting married.
I’m going to get shit for all my bad decision-making here.
I prayed (out loud) for a man that would meet all this criteria and one month later met my husband. He met all the criteria of my prayer so no matter what bad things happened, I thought God had this purposed for me. I mean like a checklist of 10-20 items all checked off. I was vedy devout in my faith. But, now looking back I feel like maybe it wasn’t God who answered my prayer. Maybe this was like a time in the book of Job where God let Satan attack Job and take everything away from him. I don’t know. Oddly enough, the man that became my husband said he prayed for this, too, one month prior.
He love-bombed me. He devalued me. Later, he threatened to leave me (but never has). While we were dating, when I was pregnant, when we were engaged. He called escorts behind my back. I find out he had sexual relations with a woman in his apartment complex one week before we started dating - he told me three years into our marriage. Before we dated, he also had a two year affair with a married woman (whose husband to this day has no idea about it.) He was meeting her and texting her behind my back 2 weeks into us being officially dating exclusively. I find out because he got arrested and I went to pick up his things on his person at the jail. I guess his passcode in one try and there I see the truth. He lied about this woman - he said she was a best friend with no I love yous and no sexual relations. He even asked me if it was okay to be friends with her and I asked him those two questions. He lied and the proof was right there. We were fairly new so I didn’t read too many texts. I spent one hour on his phone at most and handling a panic attack in between.
I read where he texted escorts, too, and read two other relationships he had while seeing this married woman. My mind was blown. I was done. I screenshoted some evidence for my personal keepsake. I texted the married woman because their I love you was so recent. I told her what happened and said to go get him out of jail because I was done. She blew up my phone with texts. She wanted to know who I was and she wanted to share all the creepy details about this man. She claimed they only had sex twice and it was rape - bullshit. She also said a lot of other things like she knew when he bought me a coffee and knew when he went to the city to meet his friends. She said he said that they could still have sex while he was seeing me. He denied it and said it was the other way around.
When he got out of jail, he contacted me and sent me a video. She texted me to show me he sent her a video, too. Same shirt, same scenery and all filmed back after back. He told her how much he cared about her but he was letting her go. He came to meet me because I took his dog to care after her while he was in jail. He talked me into giving him one more chance. I moved into his apartment to get away from a situation at home. I fell for him hard and believed I was in love. We texted and talked all the time and when we were able, we were together. I went on a trip for a week withoht him to California. I got back and the sheets were washed. He said he did that for me so I can come home to clean sheets. Later over the course of our relationship I noticed he never much stepped up to do the laundry. A lot of chores started falling on me. Before even being married he expected me to coean his whole apartment which seemed to have never been touched once with any cleaning.
We were fighting a lot and I saw some of his anger but I thought he was just frustrated with things he was dealing with in his life. He got sort of pushy with me having intercourse with him at times I told him I didn’t want to because I wanted to wait. That made him angry. I find out that he had been FaceTiming escorts from the first weeks we started dating and found at least one call every month up to the week we were suppose to get married. I was shocked! I had no idea and I couldn’t believe it. We had intercourse so much that he wouldn’t need that so I thought. He said it was like porn to him and he had that habit from before he met me. Keep in mind, I’m religious so I was abstinent most of my life and these red flags weren’t so obvious to me. I thought most men were dogs like this. The biggest factor that blew my mind (of which he explained away) was that these escorts weren’t typical - they were transgender women and some still had their boy parts. After talking with someone who I thought was like a mom to me(I find oht later she wasn’t for me), I went through with the wedding, and besides, I was having his baby.
We moved states. I noticed a lot of verbal abuse starting from typically the night time as we shared a bed. He would cuss at me a lot and get so angry. It was almost every night. I was surprised - thinking who is this guy. He made me cry a lot. It was so stupid, I got screamed at just for rolling over in my sleep. He explained this away later after the problem got better. I began feeling like I made a mistake in marrying him. I was so scared at the same time because this was my first pregnancy. I feared so much about the “what ifs” and what world this baby was coming into.
The abuse got worse. It got physcial from time-to-time. He says I was abusive back but I feel like it was reactive abuse because it became too much for me. I would hit him back. It ate at my mind every day and I had all these hormones because I was going to have a baby soon. When pregnant, he has pushed me, held me down, jumped on me with his hands around my neck. He said things that were horrible like he would walk away from this son like he did his first son (he had a son from an earlier relationship which he had nothing to do with). Fear overcame me and some days I thought ending my life was the only way to escape my life and prevent a nightmare for my son. (These feelings relented later in time.)
One time he held up furniture above his head and he was ready to throw it at my head - I believe this was right after our son was born. We argued a lot because my mistrust in him because what I mentioned I discovered earlier. I wanted him to assure me he was trustworthy so sometimes I asked for his phone. Doing that resulted many times in violence and rage. When he had that furniture held up, I felt like he was going to end me right then and there. He stopped himself and I asked him why. He said because he saw the fear in my eyes.
We fought and made up A LOT. That was our relationship and me asking him where he has been or was he with someone. It was terrible for both of us. I discover later that he lied about a lot of things. I didn’t even know he didn’t have a drivers license until about 1-2 years into our marriage. I didn’t know the pictures of his boy parts I found once while dating were to the escorts. I asked him approximately a thousand times. He doesn’t just lie - he tells a story with details and the whole thing is a lie.
I use to check his phone and browser history because it was never ending place of discovery. I never got confessions out of him but I did get evidence that he thought he hid. He must have gotten better at hiding things because I would find less and less. I got to a point where I don’t check anymore - I know and it’s a damn headache to live like that. All the time he did these things, he swore his love for me. He said I was everything.
I discovered again a lie the first time he went to Miami last year (his first time away from me.) He took advantage and called at least ten eacorts and almost met up with one (or did. I don’t know. There’s no money spent but he lied and said the last escort called was his co-worker. I may never know what happened but his coworkers got weird around me after that trip. They won’t look me in the eye.) I didn’t know all this until December last year where I asked him for his T-Mobile password. He didn’t think I would find this when giving me the password.
I saw a text after that trip and found out he lied. He was awake at 2:00PM after he told me he went to bed on the phone. He told me how he missed me SOOO much. He said he tried putting his arm around me in bed to realize I was not there. We FOUGHT over the phone. He didn’t want me to see the rest of the texts between him and his coworker. He left bruises on my arms pushing and shoving me with all his strength. He overpowered me and I never saw the messages. He said he was hiding the fact ge did cocaine. I lost control because I pulled a knife out at him. Not to hurt him but to intimidate him. (I never lost it like this again -he ALWAYS uses this against me to say I’m the abusive one.)
December he admitted the elaborate cocaine story he gave me was a LIE. He said he did do cocaine but not how he told me. The real thing he was hiding was the escorts. At that time, I find out he kissed a coworker (maybe more but nobody will tell me anything.) Another girl told me he was always flirting with new hires. After I find this out from these girls, he put two holes in the walls and broke the doors at the apartment that was in my name. He also bought me $200 roses and a new marriage ring fo Christmas along with other nice gifts. He even goes to therapy to get better at his lying problem (which he only did for about 3 sessions.) He swore this was the last time I would EVER have this happen to me. He swore he loved me and our family. My second baby was born February after ALL of that.
November, my mom died and left me money. I find all that out after I put money on a house for us - Our first house. I made sure we were good. I made sure my baby had everything he could need. I didn’t even buy myself a new car (backstory I lost my good credit, my 2020 car and had one eviction in this marriage. I was almost $30,000 in debt after all of that. My husband made his bad credit good and how we got the house, too. He still has his car and no evictions on his name. We paid over $5,000 for his traffic tickets and court fees plus his debts.)
I could have left then but I was vulnerable because I was having another baby in two months.I feared all the time because I couldn’t get a job or keep one being pregnant and I worried about having one after because I wouldn’t make enough with him and me working would put us at a negative income. I tried building this website but I have yet to get sales. I knew I needed to get out but one last things I feared was breaking up my marriage. I thought he could get better for all his problems.
His anger reared its head again this past month. I found a book titled “Why did he do that.” My husband fits a lot of those examples of abusers. The book said the nice guy is the mask.
This time when he got angry, he said it was my fault he cheated on me. He said it’s a woman’s fault if a man cheats. He said that women need to keep a man happy. He said he had depression caused by me which he never mentioned before. He always said I made him happier than he ever has been in his life. I didn’t know about the cheating just like I didn’t know about the cause. He endlessly lied to me.
I went to his work and asked his boss about the girl he kissed. He is still lying. He said he told his boss what happened. His boss said they both said nothing when they came in for questioning. My husband got the word out and it turned into drama when those girls texted me.
My husband is two people. Dr. Jekell and Mr. Hyde. I just learned recently he has been reading my journals on my phone and texts between my sister. He read my reddit posts. He lied about this and kept it to himself. I feel like he may have planned trapping me in my marriage so I would have nothing. I feel like he is stalking me, too. I have 30K left locked up in a CD - he wants that when its available to pay off the credit cards in his name. We both spend on those cards for food and needs. I want to keep it as my nest just in case. He scares me sometimes. I feel like he may charm a judge when we fight for custody if I leave. I’m scared he will bring up the knife incident and the baker act (I was bakeracted last year when 5 months pregnant- he said he would cut me off financially and have me and our unborn baby fend for ourselves. I panicked and he was being a monster. I said he was hurting me and he said he didn’t care.) I told a cop I wanted to hurt myself but I wasn’t suicidal - I just feared my husband and wanted to get away from him. It was impulsive and I regretted saying it immediately. He was messing with my mind - he fake called the cops. Never dialed but acted out a conversation. I called right after.
I fear him. He is looking like a pscychopath to me or narcist - he pal ed his whole marriage and family around abuse and lies. He admitted to lying to keep me from leaving him on a few occassions. He would act like a little innocent and hurt boy. I could never see the abuser when he switched.
Would you be scared, too? Am I overthinking his lies and abuse? Do I need to get away now? I feel like no matter what I will never be free from him. My husband has once told me nobody will believe me. Everyone thinks I’m crazy - he said this right after convincing the cops that. (Time where he bent the truth to make it funny - the cops were sold.)

Hello, My CT scan shows a large consolidation. Report says:
4.6 x 3 cm consolidation abutting the anterior inferior pleura on the left. Differential diagnosis includes pneumonia, neoplasm, rounded atelectasis or pulmonary infarction.
I know it can be any of the things listed there. At the time of the CT scan I had 100 fever , some cough and chest pain. In a few days I'm going to see a pneumologist, that is almost 3 weeks after the CT scan.
I'm very worried.
Problem is that this is the 4th time I've been diagnosed with pneumonia after an X-ray, but the first time that actually someone thought it was weird and decided to check with a CT scan. Previous times I never had a fever, maybe a little bit of a cough.

My wife had tummy tuck with MR 5 weeks ago and so far had been okay until week 4 when she started moving around significantly more.
The last few days she has pain she would describe as a burning feeling at the internal stitch location. She says coughing hurts really bad as well. The pain comes in waves, and is really dictated by how much she rests. There seems to be a correlation between movement and pain level. There is no fever or any redness signifying infection.
Is it normal at even 5 weeks to have these issues? Any experience or recommendations are greatly appreciated.

I somehow avoided Covid for years and finally got it last fall. Since then I have a constant cough, phlegm, headaches, sweating and exhaustion when I’m not even doing anything strenuous. I can write well but I struggle with speaking coherently sometimes.
I work in customer support and am on the phone about 75% of the day. Constantly trying to mute before I cough and ruining my reputation by taking sick time. I’m wondering if anyone has gotten any ADA accommodations for long Covid or even what they could be.

Hi! I was recently diagnosed with pots… I’m have a garden time realizing if my “bad days” are pots or me being sick. I get sick quite frequently! And I had the worst dizziness and headache and fainting and stuff and I’m trying to decide if that’s pots or me being sick. I do not have a fever!!!! What is your experience with having bad days and sick days and how you tell which is which. Another question, I live in Indiana and my boyfriend’s family is OBVIOUSLY with the Indy 500…. They invited me to it. I said yes. Then I got diagnosed…. And my doctor told me try to stay out of the sun for long hours….. the Indy 500 is outside with very few inside places. It’s also supposed to be about 85 degrees…. What should I bring with me…. Again I’m very new to this disorder so I’m sorry if these are stupid questions!!!!

My sister has COVID and is not coming to my wedding on Thursday. Idk. I just need to vent. I’ve been sobbing all day, stress induced sickness all day. I’m gutted. Emotional. My mom tried to downplay it so I was hopeful she was on the up and up. I called and spoke to her and she was in fact, not. 102 fever, cough and runny nose. She’s not gonna be able to attend. I’m heartbroken.

I'm laying on my couch with extreme neck and head pain, I kinda feel like I need answers at this point. Like this is my rock bottom.
A bit of history: I'm AFAB and 25 years old. As long as I can remember the joints in my legs have hurt. As a kid I was told it was growing pains, that I'd grow outta it. Never did, to this day I'll still experience it. It seems like the cold and being in uncomfortable positions brings it on. I can't sit criss cross for more than 5 minutes before the pain becomes too much. Kneeling is a nightmare if I'm not on something to cushion them. At some point it began in my arms as well. Shoulders, elbows, wrists, and fingers. I get pain from itching my head because of having to hold them up. In recent years my neck has started hurting and it'll give me an entire headache. Those are the worst. And when performing oral my jaw hurts very quickly (sorry for the TMI just trying to paint a picture of all I experienced). I'm at a point I gotta pop 1000mg of ibuprofen or acetaminophen to feel relief. Getting a job where I sit, proper footwear, and a high quality mattress have helped but I don't feel "cured." At one point around 18-19 I brought it up with my PCP and we did some blood tests. Everything came back normal and I didn't have the time, energy, or financial means to look into it further. Well now I have all of those things, but I still feel afraid? 2023 was the year of medical stuff for me and I was ready to be done with it. However now the pain has been flaring up again and I have to decide how I wanna proceed. I guess I just wanna know what to try, what to look out for, what I should be pushing for in doctor visits. Any practical advice would be appreciated.

Hi moms. We are currently at Disney world on vacation and our son is so sick. We are stuck here at the hotel and he seems to be staying the same every day. Low grade fever, horrid cough and seemingly endless runny nose. He perked up considerably this morning and always seems to fall back. Has anyone been through a sickness like this? How did you cope? I'm high stress. We are taking him to the doctor tomorrow but I'm terrified. I don't want him to have a secondary infection or anything. His fever was moderately high in the beginning but had remained mostly low grade. We can see that the slight temperature still affects his mood and comfort. I want my boy to get better. He's never been this sick for this long. What on earth is going around?
Thanks for letting me cry on your shoulder.

Hi all! I have been dealing with headaches, migraines, and visual disturbances starting in 2018. I have seen 11 different eye doctors, optometrists, ophthalmologists, and an NO. I’ve had blood tests, MRIs, an MRV, and a lumbar puncture. My optic nerves showed minimal swelling, my lumbar puncture was only 25, and the MRIs/MRV did not show anything. My headaches feel like my head could just pop, my neck is stiff, I see my pulse in my vision, I’m having enlarged blind spots in both my eyes now, trouble focusing my vision at times, I’m horribly fatigued, I have brain fog, my processing just feels slower than it has in the past. I know something is wrong, I’m being treated as a suspect of IIH and papilaedema and I’m starting to feel hopeless. My headaches have definitely gotten better with diamox but overall my symptoms still feel uncontrolled. I have only been on it since January. I’m so frustrated.
Does it ever get any better? Will my blind spots ever go away?
I’m not sure if I just want support or suggestions so please feel free to offer whatever advice you have or maybe if you think I need to tested for something else. I’m honestly up for whatever will help with relief.

I have been on a long journey over the past 2 years trying to figure out what is happening to me. Long story short, i've been to around 15 specialists, therapists, psychiatrists, you name it. Possible diagnosis that have been thrown out are: POTS, autonomic dysfunction, celiac, hashimotos, etc. As of right now, they label it an "idiopathic autoimmunity". Through my tests i've found: High T4, fluctuating TSH, sinus rhythm tachycardia (beta blocker has helped a ton), low ferritin (not absorbing although taking it), foraminal narrowing in my left neck, MTHFR gene mutation, under average response to vestibular cues.
I knew I was having trouble with food as soon as a few months in, just was unsure which foods. I tried to cut out sodium, garlic, lots of trial and error with rashes, feeling like i was going to pass out or my body was putting me to sleep after meals. I had a doctor suggest gluten and dairy free- this was a HUGE help, I went from 15% functioning to about 80%, still having "flare ups" and getting sick from food unsure of what is causing it. Over the months of tracking, i've come to realize I cannot have eggs or banana as well. Both cause me to feel feverish and unable to breathe, for which I have been prescribed a Z-pac for a suspected respiratory infection realistically every 3-5 months during all of this, but am started to suspect rather than repeating URI's- there may be allergic reactions happening, some stronger than others. I eat a very strict diet and still sometimes find myself feeling ill, often nausea as well.
I suspect MCAS due to the amount of foods I can no longer eat out of no where with no clear diagnosis or purpose and the intense respiratory effects I have in response to it. Especially in the summer, I have heat intolerance accompanied by a huge intolerance to the air outside, I have had asthma all my life but i've generally been ok without my inhaler unless I was full on running, this keeps me inside because I just can't breathe.
Some of my main symptoms before my diet changes were: partial body numbness, tachycardia, flutters/palps, dizziness, brain fog, extreme fatigue/weakness, impending doom/panic attacks (never had anxiety before this), intense mood swings, red hot face after eating/flushing, appetite fluctuations STARVING or cannot even smell food.
If you've read this far, thank you. Please give me your input as I just recently heard about this diagnosis and am considering it. I do not want to look like a fool and be dismissed for going to another doctor with another suspected diagnosis. I am 23 F, very active and health conscious.

Hey Everyone! I wanted to share my experience because I’ve noticed a lot of posts on here talk about their bleeding and clots started within hours of starting their MA, and other posts from people being concerned about not bleeding right away. I’ve spoken with my doctor and the MA hotline who have confirmed my experience was normal, just a little different than most people as my body took a little bit longer to respond (:
5/17 at 10pm: I took mifepristone and went to sleep. The following day I didn’t feel great and had intermittent light cramping all day.
5/19 at 10am (36 hours after mifepristone): took 4 pills of misoprostol under tongue. Before the 30 mins were up I started intense cramping. pain scale was probably 6/10 even with 600mg of ibuprofen. I probably took 5 showers this day because just sitting in the hot water helped a ton.
5/19 at 2pm: I still hadn’t started bleeding so I took another 2 miso pills. I started bleeding within an hour but it was light. I passed one teeny tiny clot that night and my cramps were over but I continued bleeding just very light. I was only 4.5 weeks so I figured the pregnancy had passed and that was it.
5/20 at 7am: still lightly bleeding when I woke up. I had a terrible headache and some of the worst lower back pain I’ve ever experienced in my life, I could barely move. Even turning my head or moving my neck up and down I wanted to cry. I figured this was a side effect of the medication.
5/21 at 7am: mild back pain and I noticed the cramping came back 2 out of 10. Still bleeding but this was expected. Now that I think about it, this morning I noticed the bleeding had been getting heavier since Sunday.
5/21 at 3pm: I stood up to go to the bathroom and had the most intense wave of blood rush out of me. Id never even seen that much blood and clots even during my normal period. It clicked in my head that this is what I had been reading on Reddit was supposed to happen. What happened on Sunday was not the actual abortion like I thought, but I was now finally experiencing it.
5/21 at 5pm: I’ve passed about five large clots and am still bleeding but the amount has decreased. I’ve since spoken to Aid Access and MA hotline and they’ve said this is normal, it just took my body a little longer to respond to the medication.
I hope this helps! Definitely still contact your provider with any questions, but everyone is different so just listen to your body.

Hi I am a 24F 5'4, 140 lbs, and live in USA. No existing medical issues, no smoking or recreational drugs.
I have been having fevers off and on for the past 10 days with the highest getting to 101 as well as night sweats and one swollen lymph node on my left cervical neck. COVID, Flu, RSV, and Mono negative. Should I be concerned? I am also so fatigued I have trouble finishing a shift at work.

My 5.5 year old son has had a chronic left ear infection for 11 months now. He got tubes in November of 2023 and is still getting recurrent infections, the last 3 of which his ENT has cultured. The first came back as mold, the second MRSA and now the one that came back today was e.Coli and Pseudomonas Pituda. Everything I can find out p. Pituda is scary. He’s not immune compromised. He’s developed fever (t max 101.5) and cough since the culture was taken last Thursday. Is this a serious infection? Should I take him to a ID??

Data-Miner Gego stared at the results of the analysis, still in disbelief that this wild theory had borne fruit and stood up to scrutiny again and again. But now, here before him in data as clear as even the youngest apprentice could see, was evidence, clear and unshakable:
Humans were not what they promised themselves to be.
Feeling slightly nauseous with anxiety, he keyed in a request to meet with the diplomat’s office as soon as possible.
As the diplomat looked over his latest treaty proposal, there was a faint sound of horns in harmonious blaring, signifying someone had requested permission to enter. Glad for any distraction from the monotonous paperwork, he activated the intercom, saying “You are recognized and accepted. Please enter.”
As the crouched and scrabbling shape stepped into the doorway, diplomat Hale-he mused again how interesting it would be if the if their ancestors could have heard such a magnificent call for a mere diplomat. Previously, such a grand instrumentation would have been reserved for a high chieftain or king, and yet here was Hale-he, a diplomat to be sure, but certainly no ruler of any stripe, heralded by a song that would bring envy even to high lords and minor rulers in ages past.
The individual sat before him, and Hale-he could tell by their coloration and the shape of their antenna they were a scientist or engineer, someone likely far more familiar with numbers than he was. Hale-he, while now taking on the rich purple hues of a diplomat, had the underlying color of brilliant crimson, a mark of his near-decade of study as a historical scholar and graduate before his appointment into diplomacy.
“What do you have for me? Gego, I believe?”
The other individual nodded, crossing his pinchers in a sign of deference and respect. “I am sorry to disturb your appointment, but I have important information regarding humans.”
“Ah yes, humans,” said Hale-he, feeling a degree of relaxation and comfort at the mention of the gregarious and affable people.
Humans had taken quite some time in venturing out to the stars, but their planet was located such that a number of major trade routes passed quite near to their system. Several species had reported contact with them before humans had in turn reached out and started to make contact of their own. But from all reports, they were kind, clever, and selfless to a fault, with no recent instances of conflict despite a very violent early history. They were renowned for having an impeccable record of interspecies relations.
“I'm actually in the process of framing a new trade treaty with some of their inner-system human colonies. I believe the primary planet in question is called Mars, but they also have gas refineries and extractors above their gas giants, and several mining operations set up on a number of moons and their asteroid belt.”
“Yes, I have seen the newscast about how much this treaty is expected to aid both species,” said Gego. There was an odd note of apprehension Hale-he could detect in their chittering voice. “There is some invaluable context that I believe needs to be put to light.”
“Context? What do you mean, ‘context?’”
“Well, you are aware that we, the Civicor, first met humanity when a trade ship fell off course and crashed upon Earth?”
“It is a well-known accident. Some manner of navigational mishap; Thankfully, our propulsion systems are far more accurate today.”
“This is true, but are you also aware the Bayons have a remarkably-similar story related to their first contact with humanity as well? A military scout vessel, intending to regroup with the bulk of their fleet and engaging the Dendite menace, and they were likewise drawn off course, spiraling to crash onto Earth as well.”
“I remember the stories that time hypothesized that it was Dendite sabotage, even though it was unlikely for such a minor and inconsequential vessel,” said Hale-he. “Other than that, I’m unfortunately not familiar with their own reports on it.”
“But our two species are but a few from over a dozen first-contact reports with humanity. All stemming from engine failures, navigation failures, and crashes or forced landings of ships that lost control and arrived on Earth.”
“Well,” said the diplomat, starting to see the shape of the data-miner’s point, “Warpspace travel.has always been an inexact science at times, and was even less accurate decades ago. It's possible you are reading too much into a handful of coincidences.”
The data-miner rubbed their eyestalks, feeling exhaustion creeping in for how much frantic effort they had put in over the past three-day cycle. “Yes, but to borrow an idiom for the humans, ‘Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, but three times is a pattern,’ let alone a solid dozen instances within barely a fifty-year timespan. Even the most heavily-trafficked routes past the most dense or erratic planetoids have only achieved a third of that number.”
“You're asking me to disrupt peaceful and productive diplomatic ties with humans by suggesting they were responsible for these instances. Are you truly suggesting that this was intentional from humanity's part?”
“I am.”
“That may be, but we will require more proof than mere happenstance, unlikely though it may be.”
“I have additional data as well.” Gego was the most proud of this next part, and he carefully pulled up the diagrams and charting maps. A vibrant animation appeared onscreen of what appeared to be a rainbow-colored and spiked disc, surging and shaking on the screen. “This is the analysis of the gravitational field irregularities within a quarter of a solar year of Earth's primary star.”
The diplomat looked nonplussed at the diagram. “I would assume the fluctuations here are not ideal?”
“No indeed. They could be likened to a reef within a shallow sea, permitting transit in the calm regions but damaging and disrupting ships passing through a rough space. I have reached out to several of the shipping guilds for more details, but initial reports back support this theory, with several commenting that the route passing near to Earth is highly undesirable amongst experienced pilots due to the rough effects it has on engine stability and wear and tear.”
The diplomat looked over the diagram further before attempting to wave it away dismissively. “But who’s to say that this isn't a natural phenomena of Earth’s system? There are many regions of space that are disruptive or dangerous to travel through in warpspace, so what would make Earth's patch of turbulence unique?”
“The fact that they can turn it on and off at will.”
The diplomat coughed violently as the surprise dislodged the piece of fruit pulp he was eating out of his primary digestion sack and instead into the top of his gas exchange organ. “What in the three spheres do you mean they can turn it off?”
Gego grimaced this time as he keyed in some commands to the report. This time the disc figure that was pulled was much grainier and blocky, fine measurements now showing as wide swaths. “This was reverse-calculated from a series of gravimetric scans done across that entire arm of the galaxy.”
Even with the poor resolution, the diplomat could still see that this was a wildly chaotic and dangerous gravitational field. “It looks the same.”
The data-miner nodded. “Yes, but watch here: It's hard to tell, but this readout is actually playing in reverse, stepping backwards through time. We're about to hit 76 years ago.”
“What's so important about 76-” The diplomat cut off, words caught like fruit pulp in his throat as the image abruptly stilled. The disc depicting the gravitational field was now still and smooth as a windless pond.
“So it just started one day?”
“Indeed, Diplomat Hale-he. And furthermore, this beginning of the turbulence was a mere month before the first vessel lost controlI and was forced to make an emergency landing on Earth.”
The possibilities were rapidly narrowing, but Hale-he was still in favor of exploring whatever possible shred he could find to avoid confronting the dawning reality about humans.
“Well, while things of this nature are highly irregular, I presume, I'm still not convinced that this shows they can activate it at will.”
“I know, Gego said, “Which is why I wanted to show you that data before I show you this.”
The gravitational field display became the ragged tumultuous ocean of currents and surges, and this time in the higher detail that told Hale-he this was more recent readings. “I'm sure you saw the announcements a fortnight ago that humanity had tested their first faster than light engine they had made themselves, rather than trading for, and successfully made a jaunt out to the furthest planetoid in their star system and back without incident?”
“Yes?” the diplomat said cautiously.
“I received this data from a colleague, who was concerned there may have been an instrument malfunction to produce such data as I’m about to show you. She checked and validated it herself. It was fully accurate and reliable, which makes it all the more troubling. I don't think she realized the cause of what she was seeing, but unfortunately the timing of it adds up too perfectly.”
The data-miner continued quietly recalling “I believe at this point we're at 30 seconds to launch the human’s test flight.”
Hale-he let out an involuntary gasp of breath as the gravity field abruptly stilled again, perfectly smooth simultaneously across the entire spread of it.
Grimly, the data-miner said “Here we had the jump,” and after a short pause continued “-and the return.” A few seconds later and the field abruptly resumed its turbulence.
The diplomat was still in shock, staring at the gravimetric readout, when Gego said “That's also not the most concerning part, either. This was supposed to be humanity's first faster-than-light capability of their own they were testing here; Isn't that right?”
“Well of course,” replied Hale-he. “It was on all the new stations. A great achievement for a species that had been slow to achieve that milestone.”
“I would remind you then that the readout here is half a light-year in diameter.”
The diplomat scrunched his eyestalks in confused concentration, trying to understand what the other alien was implying, when suddenly it hit him. “Yet they were able to disrupt such a large region simultaneously, and stop it equally quickly?”
Gego nodded. “Whatever means they have at causing such a disruption is certainly faster-than-light, and immensely wide-ranging. If it was slower and confined to a small area, I might have some theories as to how it could be accomplished, but this size, this scale and the speed? I have no idea. It is beyond anything our sciences and technology can produce, or that of any other known species.”
The diplomat sat back, stunned. “By the Spheres.” He glanced up at Gego. “What do you propose we do with this information?”
The data-miner waved an arm. “Perhaps we can get to the bottom of this: Go to humanity with the information we have. Tell them we want the secrets of this technology and the power sources that feed it, as it far eclipses anything we can currently achieve. Tell them that we will expose these findings to the rest of the space-faring civilizations of the galaxy if they continue to hold back.”
The diplomat’s eyes widened, before after a long moment he said “I see. Well, I still need to get to my duties and figure out how to handle this. You are excused, and a reminder to keep the strictly confidential while I inform the appropriate other parties.”
Gego bowed in deference before leaving the office. After he left, Hale-he leaned back in his saddle chair and groaned. The idiot had uncovered humanity possessed the capability of affecting a wide chunk of space at a power and complexity unheard of among any other known species, and his first suggestion was to blackmail them? The diplomat rubbed his head trying to make the sudden headache go away.
A few thoughts were coming to mind, snippets that had been dismissed in the moment, but now he couldn't shake them as he was reminded of the first species that had ever encountered humanity, and the comments by their scientists. They had said that humans were curiously disinterested in their warpspace drivers, despite not having faster-than-light capabilities already.
Then the second species that encountered humanity had mentioned that a child of one of the diplomatic party had become separated from the group, and accidentally come in contact with and ingested some Earth flora. It wasn't something toxic or dangerous to humans, but the physiological makeup of that species reacted poorly with alkaloids in the flora and would have resulted in a swift and painful death if left untreated. But instead, the humans had administered a series of emetics and alkaloid-binding treatments, something they said was common in the case of an accidental poison ingestion, The diplomat remembered reading a footnote from the inhuman physician at the time that this particular blend of neutralizing agents was not something commonly found in human medical kits, and in fact was uniquely suited to their own species’ biology.
Both had been written off as flukes, interesting anecdotes at most, but now the diplomat began to see the greater shape of it, as a species that cared not for faster-than-light travel, for they'd doubtless already achieved it, mastered it, and discarded it as uninteresting at some point before. A species, who upon supposed first contact, had comprehensive medical and anatomical knowledge of their guests sufficient enough to save a child in mere minutes from otherwise certain death.
All this from a species that had befriended and gregariously hosted every alien ship that had come astray upon their planet, and offered nothing but support and friendship to both waylaid travelers and their subsequent diplomatic summits, despite seeming to lack the ability to travel outside of their own star system. A species that was confident, at a basal level that Hale-he was only just now beginning to truly understand.
He opened a communications missive, addressed to all the other diplomats of similar station amongst the other species humanity had made contact with.
”Greetings to my fellow ambassadors. * *I come bearing difficult news regarding humanity: * *They are not what they appear to be. * *Yet, I believe it is of the utmost importance that we continue to pretend that they are, * *For fear that otherwise, we will learn who, or what, they truly are…”
Enjoy this tale? Check out DarkPrinceLibrary for more of my stories like it!

Lol, I thought this would be funny to write about as a first silly little post as it is the most interesting thing in my life. (Don’t mind any typos)
First of all, to anyone who wants to tell me to stop or get over it or give me any valid reasonable and rational advice,I will not listen so don’t bother.
As these stories go, I 15(f) in love with English teacher 26(f). I’m obsessed with her, and have been for almost msot 2 years, it would have been longer if she had come into my life sooner.
I’m not a love at first sight person, so it took a while for it to come about. And iv always had problems with getting violently obsessed with things, I believe it’s some kind of coping mechanism, you know? If I don’t have something to live for then I fall in love with something, subconsciously of course. First it was cartoon characters then celebrity’s and the for the first time a real person who I know in real life! (Except she’s my teacher and she’s 26) but also the first woman iv ever fallen for (iv always known Im pan so it wasn’t a shock really). I think another HUGE reason I love her is because I don’t have a mother, she was abusive, druggy, alcoholic yadi-yadi-yada, and so I don’t live with her and I don’t like her and she isn’t there for me, and so I meet a kind female adult who I look up to? Obviously I get attached and I see her as a mother figure. I really do, I want to be just like her, I want to make her proud, I seek her validation, i want to fuck her. You know, regular motherly things!
The first day I met her, first day of year 10. From the second she walked into the class I felt her energy and her vibes and I had that feeling where you instantly like someone and want to be friends with them and think they are super cool. Now, she is not hot, like Obviously to me me right now in this moment she’s the most beautiful and pretty person iv ever seen she’s so cute and hot and all that, but Obviously that’s because I’m obsessed with her everything about her is great, but she’s the kind of ugly that when she first walked into the class people snickered.
She has a rash on her chin, a noticeable moustache, she looks at least 30 despite being much younger, her eyes are creepy looking and small, her skin is really red and dry and way too textured, she does weird ugly facial expressions, she has a big nose, her hair is never brushed and always greasy, she has really small eyelashes blah blah blah.. (she obviously has some really nice features as well, but I’m trying to prove i don’t like her for her looks)
Now In her defence I think they were laughing because she has the hugest ass iv seen in my entire life, not cuz of her face. (She wears really tight leggings everyday) But, she is overweight and a lot of people bring her down cuz of it but that has nothing to do with any of it for me obviously, and I obviously didn’t laugh when she walked in.
The point is, I instantly liked her and her personality, she has that school mum vibe, she’s witty she’s confident she’s loud, she’s funny, she’s so weird (like she does and says the weirdest stuff, she’ll start dancing out of no where with no warning, she shortens words all the time and then says them three times like: “fab fab fab” she has just the weirdest tendencies and mannerisms it’s insane), shes always so exited and jolly, she’s like a ball of sunshine yet at the same time she’s so sassy and passive aggressive, when I’m older I wanna be just like her you know!
And that’s how I felt for a long time, I would just enjoy her lessons because of the energy and vibes she’d bring! She makes everything so much fun just by being there, she’s also a drama teacher so she’s great at getting a crowd going and stuff. But it seemed no one else liked her, they either fat shamed her, or said she was a bitch, or found her annoying.
They aren’t wrong she is all of those things, but she’s only a bitch to you if you don’t respect her and then she’s passive aggressive and makes your time in her class hell, and as her favourite student who kissed her ass everyday it was fun for me to watch people get roasted by her and never have to worry about it. She is annoying to a lot of people because she hypes everyone up, and she’s loud and obnoxious and confident, she laughs at her own jokes and she’s giggly and she does stupid accents, she’s the walking talking definition of “QUIRKY” and so 15 year olds find her incredibly cringey and jarring. But as an immature individual my self I found her energy like something I have never seen anyone have so i from the first day thought she was my favourite teacher ever!
I often take the role of like comic relief when it comes to my friends so I often make the joke myself, and once I felt this admiration for my English teacher, and this giddy happy feeling in me when I saw her, I thought it would be a great idea to pretend/ hint to having a crush on her to my friends as a joke so they can make fun of me. It was small things like “oh my english teacher! … oh.. I liiiiikkkee herrrrrrrr~!” Id day when people mention her, no one caught onto the joke for a couple months until one day, after a holiday I had dyed my hair and she walked past me and she complimented it, I thanked her and INSTANTLY MY HEART WAS POUNDING AND I GOT ALL GIGGLING, my friend was next to me and found it funny obviously. And then the more I went to her lessons I couldn’t stop getting all sweaty and nervous around her, and every time she’d do something cute, like squeal when she’s frustrated and make weird noises or do a fake accent, or tell a joke I’d feel so unbelievably happy, and I couldn’t stop talking and thinking about her, but Eveytime I’d think about her or look at her id get a huge ick of like.. but ewww she’s so not hot! I can NOT be in love with THAT.
By summer I was still feeling this Same way, one day she wore a dress and like the dopey idiot she is, she lifted her leg and from where I sat I saw her panties. I WAS DISGUSTED, and looked away. And then looked back.. but then looked away.. and then looked back.. and then looked away.. (and did it a couple more times) but I felt sick in my stomach the whole time! It was not a hot thing at the time.
Then the year ends and it’s the summer holiday, (now up until this point I was quite caught up with my David walliams obsession. yes the 56 year old.. and so I didn’t really care about her all that much. On the first day back, before school started I went to a birthday party and I saw her walking outside of the school, when I saw her my heat was beating so fast, i hadn’t seen her in 6 weeks and I was not expecting to see her then, I said hi to her and i couldn’t stop thinking about that moment so intensely, and every thought I had about her being ugly didn’t matter to me, it’s not like I forgot about it, I know what she looks like, but I just think everything about her is so beautiful, it’s part of her and so its perfect.
That feeling got worse and worse as the year went by, every time i see her I shake, i sweat, I have panic attack like symptoms, but I feel so happy, like manic, I am overwhelmed, I want to punch things, I want to scream.
Then we get to the part where to silence this obsession I did regrettable and wierd things that she will never know about, some of the despicable things iv done in “the name of love” for her include:
Eating her hair Licking her spit of the table Kissing her chair when she leaves the room Following her around school Drawing her Writing poems about her Writing songs about her Making edits of her Taking photos of her Recording her voice when she talks to me Stealing her trash Licking her pens Making AI chat bots with her personality Making a bingo game about her (that one is just funny, and all my friends played it too, during her lessons lol)
And many other things I won’t mention. Obviously I’m not proud of any of this, and I didn’t really need to do it, some of it I did “as a joke” for my friends, some of them I did just because I could.. but the recording her voice one is essential! Anytime we’d have a heart felt convo I’d record it so I can listen to it if I ever loose the will to live (surprisingly frequently).
Now our relationship as student and teacher was/is very good.
We’ve had some lovely moments, she told me she cared about me outside of the classroom.
A personal favourite of mine: One time she was marking my work and it was just us in the classroom and I rested my head on her shoulder as she was going through it with me, and she looked down at me and she smiled and then we stayed like that for ages while she marked my work.
All my friends said I was delusional and that she probably hates me, but she has a huge ego and i believe she likes to keep me around to give it a boost every now and then.
I wore a matching outfit with her once (on accident) and she was very happy about it
Anytime I’d ask her what I can do to improve my grade she’s say to me “oh no! But you’re doing really well! I thought you did great!”
She’d never get mad at me or shout at me for anything, if we are doing a one between two activity she’d give me the only extra sheet in the class
I asked her to sit at the front to her because I “concentrate better at the front” (i only asked cuz i wanted to sit closer to her) she gave me a sly smirk and then the next lesson she moved me to the back of the class, and also moved her self to the back of the class.
We took a selfie together and the whole time she was giggling, I gave her a Christmas card, she lets me follow her around the school, she gave my friends dirty looks when they were being mean to me
I sent her stupid emails of pictures of capybaras (it was an inside joke between us) and she responded with a way to enthusiastic response for such a simple image lol!
I sand “you belong with me” by TS and she stood in the crown and when it got to the “you belong with me” bit I pointed at her and she pointed back! Singing the words back to me
Oh, and let us not forget the amount of eye contact. I never look people in the eye, one of my first exes I barely ever looked into their eyes all the time I knew them, I just suck at eye contact. Until I met her, since I’m so insecure about her forgetting me or loosing me or something I often stare at her when she’s teaching to make sure that she doesn’t forget me. And some how in the last couple of months she stares at me as well.
Anytime she tells a joke she looks straight at me to see how I respond (always with giggles even when it’s the lamest thing iv ever heard. It’s often not funny at all.) and the entire time shes teaching the lessons I will stare at her. IN HER EYES. Like, I’ll often smile calmly, but if she hasn’t looked at me in like 4 minutes then I’ll stare deeper, but she usually looks into my eyes and hold it for a while sometimes she’ll even smile at me and then stutter and forget what she’s saying before looking away and continuing. She’ll stare deeply into my eyes, throughout the lesson, and I also always catch her looking at me first.
Once she was helping me with my work, she got really close to me, and she stared into my eyes and then I see her getting small glances at my lips (with this one I may be a little delusional) she leaned in and she kept getting confused. Like, she yaps a lot, and a lot very loudly. So it was odd for her to be standing there her arm touching mine talking to me and being like “…. Um-.. heh-.. where was i..” and she flicks through my paper and then looks back at me and goes silent and then swallows and then looks down and then flips through it again and then says something small and short followed by more silence.
I also have a theory shes on drugs, for many reasons but one time I needed her to take a photo of my book, and she was acting so weird, tired but like really like dizzy and loopy and breathless. And she went to take a photo of my book, and got behind me and she leaned into my book, and I felt her heavy loud breath on my neck as her stray hairs were tickling the side of my face and her shoulder was touching my back, she she just stood there and stared at my book for ages until i was like “um so.. you can.. take a photo or something..” and then she slowly did it hahahaha!
Obviously it’s now exam time and so school is basically over and I have no more lessons, so I didn’t go into depth about how much she means to me as a person but to sum it up into one sentence; I would want to seriously kill my self with out her in my life.
And so the thing I had been fearing for so long, the last English lesson, the last time seeing my dear beloved. Well obviously it’s life or death so I have to tell her how I feel and get her to stay in contact with me.
The last lesson ends I go up to her after a morning of: pissing my self, shitting my self, throwing up in my mouth, constantly putting on perfume, checking my hair and chewing the mintiest of gums. And I start my speech, I won’t go into it but I told her how I felt about her (minus the being in love bit I played it off as platonic duh, im not fully stupid).
I told her that she means so much to me, and she’s (one of) my favourite people in the world (that’s a white lie she’s my only favourite) I can’t go on with out her, I need her, iv felt this way since the first lesson, your so fun, you mean so much to me! I cant loose you, I don’t know what I would do with out you!!!!
I cried in her arms as she hugged me! And i didnt even need to ask she suggested we could stay in contact, in-fact all i had said was “I’ll miss you so much :(“ and she already suggested we stay in contact, but Obviosuly I still did the whole speech cuz at some point she needed to know. Her response was basically that she already knew, but she was very pleased to hear it, and everything is going to be perfectly okay.
She said we can stay in contact (through email, cuz apparently there is a “legal thing unfortunately” stopping her from giving me her number (yes I did ask for her number, but in a total no homo way.)
She said I can talk to her anytime about anything as much as I like, and that’s good enough for me!
I also gave her a drawing I did of her and me together which was cute, her response to that was “oh very cool! she walks over. she takes it in her hands, very excited to see it. This really throws her confidence off, she’s really not expecting this. OH THIS IS AMAIZING! her voice cracks THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH! this is lovely! thank you, this is soo good! oh-muh-gud it’s SO good! oww I love it! thank you.. I’m wearing the same top as well, how fun~.. HOW FUN!!!! how fun!! … she takes it and puts it in her bag i will prop this up, on my desk! wicked wicked awesome!” (I recorded her reaction so that’s how you know it’s word for word)
In conclusion, im creepily obsessed and its a problem, but I don’t really regret anything cuz it’s all gotten me to this point where I can talk to her when ever I want and that’s all I could ever ask her. Yes I want to fuck her, but that’s not important to me I just need her in my life, she’s my world she’s my reason of living, and I’m so happy things are this way! I’m doing my exams now so I get to see her everyday when I come into school (by see her I mean wait outside the staff room so I can catch a glimpse of her knee). I’m also glad I’m not in her lessons anymore cuz I’d always get so twitchy around her, anytime she’d be near me and I’d be trying my best not to lunge at her, when I see her my mouth waters I just wanna grab her and kiss her all over! Eeek! She’s adorableeeee!
I love herrrrr ❤️❤️❤️

Everything in my inventory is up for trade. The most valuable items are listed here, the rest you can find in My Inventory

Feel free to Add Me or even better send a Trade Offer. Open for any suggestions: upgrades, downgrades / knives, gloves, skins / stickers, patterns, floats.

All Buyouts are listed in cash value.

KNIVES

★ Butterfly Knife Lore (Factory New), B/O: $7194.77

★ Butterfly Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear), B/O: $2025.74

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★ M9 Bayonet Ultraviolet (Field-Tested), B/O: $557.87

★ M9 Bayonet Stained (Well-Worn), B/O: $529.41

★ M9 Bayonet Boreal Forest (Field-Tested), B/O: $465.39

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★ Talon Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $1295.27

★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Minimal Wear), B/O: $746.28

★ Karambit Bright Water (Field-Tested), B/O: $688.15

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★ Flip Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $547.93

★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear), B/O: $476.69

★ Flip Knife Case Hardened (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $278.18

★ Flip Knife Black Laminate (Well-Worn), B/O: $258.83

★ Flip Knife Urban Masked (Field-Tested), B/O: $181.64

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★ Stiletto Knife Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $686.04

★ Stiletto Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $665.41

★ Stiletto Knife, B/O: $601.39

★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested), B/O: $418.25

★ Stiletto Knife Night Stripe (Field-Tested), B/O: $227.80

★ Stiletto Knife Boreal Forest (Field-Tested), B/O: $194.96

★ Stiletto Knife Safari Mesh (Field-Tested), B/O: $192.79

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★ Nomad Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested), B/O: $518.11

★ Nomad Knife Scorched (Field-Tested), B/O: $169.78

★ Nomad Knife Forest DDPAT (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $166.88

★ StatTrak™ Nomad Knife Blue Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $335.79

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★ Skeleton Knife Stained (Well-Worn), B/O: $442.05

★ Skeleton Knife Urban Masked (Minimal Wear), B/O: $426.24

★ Skeleton Knife Boreal Forest (Field-Tested), B/O: $314.03

★ StatTrak™ Skeleton Knife Fade (Minimal Wear), B/O: $2361.28

★ StatTrak™ Skeleton Knife Urban Masked (Field-Tested), B/O: $376.53

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★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $557.12

★ Ursus Knife, B/O: $471.42

★ Ursus Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $212.37

★ Ursus Knife Case Hardened (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $187.66

★ Ursus Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $178.18

★ Ursus Knife Ultraviolet (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $155.13

★ Ursus Knife Boreal Forest (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $124.26

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★ Huntsman Knife Black Laminate (Minimal Wear), B/O: $204.83

★ Huntsman Knife Black Laminate (Field-Tested), B/O: $184.50

★ StatTrak™ Huntsman Knife Lore (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $224.11

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★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $2142.02

★ Bowie Knife, B/O: $230.44

★ Bowie Knife Damascus Steel (Factory New), B/O: $209.20

★ Bowie Knife Ultraviolet (Minimal Wear), B/O: $180.51

★ Bowie Knife Ultraviolet (Field-Tested), B/O: $131.03

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★ Falchion Knife Night (Field-Tested), B/O: $132.54

★ Falchion Knife Urban Masked (Well-Worn), B/O: $112.81

★ Falchion Knife Scorched (Field-Tested), B/O: $108.81

★ Falchion Knife Forest DDPAT (Field-Tested), B/O: $107.82

★ Falchion Knife Safari Mesh (Field-Tested), B/O: $107.46

★ StatTrak™ Falchion Knife Ultraviolet (Field-Tested), B/O: $143.08

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★ Paracord Knife Crimson Web (Minimal Wear), B/O: $486.48

★ Paracord Knife Blue Steel (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $163.12

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★ Survival Knife Blue Steel (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $138.26

★ Survival Knife Night Stripe (Field-Tested), B/O: $131.03

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★ Gut Knife Sapphire (Minimal Wear), B/O: $1127.79

★ Gut Knife Gamma Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $286.17

★ Gut Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $246.55

★ Gut Knife Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $240.77

★ Gut Knife, B/O: $210.49

★ Gut Knife Lore (Field-Tested), B/O: $194.22

★ Gut Knife Case Hardened (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $151.51

★ Gut Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $124.94

★ Gut Knife Rust Coat (Well-Worn), B/O: $118.99

★ Gut Knife Boreal Forest (Minimal Wear), B/O: $109.80

★ StatTrak™ Gut Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $237.96

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★ Shadow Daggers Gamma Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $264.92

★ Shadow Daggers Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $253.03

★ Shadow Daggers Tiger Tooth (Factory New), B/O: $237.22

★ Shadow Daggers Crimson Web (Field-Tested), B/O: $153.40

★ Shadow Daggers Autotronic (Minimal Wear), B/O: $144.42

★ Shadow Daggers Blue Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $105.20

★ StatTrak™ Shadow Daggers Damascus Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $150.46

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★ Navaja Knife Fade (Factory New), B/O: $365.99

★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $228.93

★ Navaja Knife Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $227.43

★ Navaja Knife Slaughter (Factory New), B/O: $209.06

★ Navaja Knife, B/O: $203.16

★ Navaja Knife Case Hardened (Well-Worn), B/O: $132.57

★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Factory New), B/O: $121.69

★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $109.95

★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $100.41

★ StatTrak™ Navaja Knife Fade (Factory New), B/O: $369.01

★ StatTrak™ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $109.95

GLOVES

★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Minimal Wear), B/O: $2394.67

★ Sport Gloves Omega (Well-Worn), B/O: $572.33

★ Sport Gloves Bronze Morph (Minimal Wear), B/O: $338.88

★ Sport Gloves Big Game (Field-Tested), B/O: $323.66

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★ Specialist Gloves Marble Fade (Minimal Wear), B/O: $1652.07

★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike (Field-Tested), B/O: $599.14

★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web (Well-Worn), B/O: $231.57

★ Specialist Gloves Buckshot (Minimal Wear), B/O: $126.21

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★ Moto Gloves POW! (Minimal Wear), B/O: $996.99

★ Moto Gloves POW! (Field-Tested), B/O: $383.31

★ Moto Gloves POW! (Well-Worn), B/O: $276.00

★ Moto Gloves Turtle (Field-Tested), B/O: $180.28

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★ Hand Wraps CAUTION! (Minimal Wear), B/O: $502.29

★ Hand Wraps Giraffe (Minimal Wear), B/O: $180.73

★ Hand Wraps CAUTION! (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $178.32

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★ Driver Gloves Queen Jaguar (Minimal Wear), B/O: $181.01

★ Driver Gloves Rezan the Red (Field-Tested), B/O: $101.66

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★ Broken Fang Gloves Jade (Field-Tested), B/O: $127.88

★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point (Minimal Wear), B/O: $124.55

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★ Bloodhound Gloves Guerrilla (Minimal Wear), B/O: $127.94

★ Hydra Gloves Case Hardened (Field-Tested), B/O: $102.55

WEAPONS

AK-47 X-Ray (Well-Worn), B/O: $478.95

AUG Hot Rod (Factory New), B/O: $425.83

StatTrak™ M4A1-S Hyper Beast (Factory New), B/O: $413.95

M4A4 Daybreak (Factory New), B/O: $309.51

StatTrak™ AK-47 Aquamarine Revenge (Factory New), B/O: $305.43

AK-47 Case Hardened (Well-Worn), B/O: $196.38

StatTrak™ M4A4 Temukau (Minimal Wear), B/O: $174.64

P90 Run and Hide (Field-Tested), B/O: $167.03

AWP Asiimov (Field-Tested), B/O: $153.33

Souvenir SSG 08 Death Strike (Minimal Wear), B/O: $140.00

M4A1-S Printstream (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $124.70

StatTrak™ M4A1-S Golden Coil (Field-Tested), B/O: $117.48

AWP Asiimov (Well-Worn), B/O: $115.97

StatTrak™ Desert Eagle Printstream (Minimal Wear), B/O: $112.96

StatTrak™ AK-47 Asiimov (Minimal Wear), B/O: $110.85

Souvenir M4A1-S Master Piece (Well-Worn), B/O: $102.42

AK-47 Bloodsport (Minimal Wear), B/O: $100.53

Trade Offer Link - Steam Profile Link - My Inventory

Knives - Bowie Knife, Butterfly Knife, Falchion Knife, Flip Knife, Gut Knife, Huntsman Knife, M9 Bayonet, Bayonet, Karambit, Shadow Daggers, Stiletto Knife, Ursus Knife, Navaja Knife, Talon Knife, Classic Knife, Paracord Knife, Survival Knife, Nomad Knife, Skeleton Knife, Patterns - Gamma Doppler, Doppler (Phase 1, Phase 2, Phase 3, Phase 4, Black Pearl, Sapphire, Ruby, Emerald), Crimson Web, Lore, Fade, Ultraviolet, Night, Marble Fade (Fire & Ice, Fake FI), Case Hardened (Blue Gem), Autotronic, Slaughter, Black Laminate, Tiger Tooth, Boreal Forest, Scorched, Blue Steel, Vanilla, Damascus Steel, Forest DDPAT, Urban Masked, Freehand, Stained, Bright Water, Safari Mesh, Rust Coat, Gloves - Bloodhound Gloves (Charred, Snakebite, Guerrilla, Bronzed), Driver Gloves (Snow Leopard, King Snake, Crimson Weave, Imperial Plaid, Black Tie, Lunar Weave, Diamondback, Rezan the Red, Overtake, Queen Jaguar, Convoy, Racing Green), Hand Wraps (Cobalt Skulls, CAUTION!, Overprint, Slaughter, Leather, Giraffe, Badlands, Spruce DDPAT, Arboreal, Constrictor, Desert Shamagh, Duct Tape), Moto Gloves (Spearmint, POW!, Cool Mint, Smoke Out, Finish Line, Polygon, Blood Pressure, Turtle, Boom!, Eclipse, 3rd Commando Company, Transport), Specialist Gloves (Crimson Kimono, Tiger Strike, Emerald Web, Field Agent, Marble Fade, Fade, Foundation, Lt. Commander, Crimson Web, Mogul, Forest DDPAT, Buckshot), Sport Gloves (Pandora's Box, Superconductor, Hedge Maze, Vice, Amphibious, Slingshot, Omega, Arid, Big Game, Nocts, Scarlet Shamagh, Bronze Morph), Hydra Gloves (Case Hardened, Emerald, Rattler, Mangrove), Broken Fang Gloves (Jade, Yellow-banded, Unhinged, Needle Point), Pistols - P2000 (Wicked Sick, Ocean Foam, Fire Element, Amber Fade, Corticera, Chainmail, Imperial Dragon, Obsidian, Scorpion, Handgun, Acid Etched), USP-S (Printstream, Kill Confirmed, Whiteout, Road Rash, Owergrowth, The Traitor, Neo-Noir, Dark Water, Orion, Blueprint, Stainless, Caiman, Serum, Monster Mashup, Royal Blue, Ancient Visions, Cortex, Orange Anolis, Ticket To Hell, Black Lotus, Cyrex, Check Engine, Guardian, Purple DDPAT, Torque, Blood Tiger, Flashback, Business Class, Pathfinder, Para Green), Lead Conduit, Glock-18 (Ramese's Reach, Umbral Rabbit, Fade, Candy Apple, Bullet Queen, Synth Leaf, Neo-Noir, Nuclear Garden, Dragon Tatto, Reactor, Pink DDPAT, Twilight Galaxy, Sand Dune, Groundwater, Blue Fissure, Snack Attack, Water Elemental, Brass, Wasteland Rebel, Vogue, Franklin, Royal Legion, Gamma Doppler, Weasel, Steel Disruption, Ironwork, Grinder, High Beam, Moonrise, Oxide Blaze, Bunsen Burner, Clear Polymer, Bunsen Burner, Night), P250 (Apep's Curse, Re.built, Nuclear Threat, Modern Hunter, Splash, Whiteout, Vino Primo, Mehndi, Asiimov, Visions, Undertow, Cartel, See Ya Later, Gunsmoke, Splash, Digital Architect, Muertos, Red Rock, Bengal Tiger, Crimson Kimono, Wingshot, Metallic DDPAT, Hive, Dark Filigree, Mint Kimono), Five-Seven (Neon Kimono, Berries And Cherries, Fall Hazard, Crimson Blossom, Hyper Beast, Nitro, Fairy Tale, Case Hardened, Copper Galaxy, Angry Mob, Monkey Business, Fowl Play, Anodized Gunmetal, Hot Shot, Retrobution, Boost Protocol), CZ75-Auto (Chalice, Crimson Web, Emerald Quartz, The Fuschia is Now, Nitro, Xiangliu, Yellow Jacket, Victoria, Poison Dart, Syndicate, Eco, Hexane, Pole, Tigris), Tec-9 (Mummy's Rot, Rebel, Terrace, Nuclear Threat, Hades, Rust Leaf, Decimator, Blast From, Orange Murano, Toxic, Fuel Injector, Remote Control, Bamboo Forest, Isaac, Avalanche, Brother, Re-Entry, Blue Titanium, Bamboozle), R8 Revolver (Banana Cannon, Fade, Blaze, Crimson Web, Liama Cannon, Crazy 8, Reboot, Canal Spray, Night, Amber Fade), Desert Eagle (Blaze, Hand Cannon, Fennec Fox, Sunset Storm, Emerald Jörmungandr, Pilot, Hypnotic, Golden Koi, Printstream, Cobalt Disruption, Code Red, Ocean Drive, Midnight Storm, Kumicho Dragon, Crimson Web, Heirloom, Night Heist, Mecha Industries, Night, Conspiracy, Trigger Discipline, Naga, Directive, Light Rail), Dual Berettas (Flora Carnivora, Duelist, Cobra Strike, Black Limba, Emerald, Hemoglobin, Twin Turbo, Marina, Melondrama, Pyre, Retribution, Briar, Dezastre, Royal Consorts, Urban Shock, Dualing Dragons, Panther, Balance), Rifles - Galil (Aqua Terrace, Winter Forest, Chatterbox, Sugar Rush, Pheonix Blacklight, CAUTION!, Orange DDPAT, Cerberus, Dusk Ruins, Eco, Chromatic Aberration, Stone Cold, Tuxedo, Sandstorm, Shattered, Urban Rubble, Rocket Pop, Kami, Crimson Tsunami, Connexion), SCAR-20 (Fragments, Brass, Cyrex, Palm, Splash Jam, Cardiac, Emerald, Crimson Web, Magna Carta, Stone Mosaico, Bloodsport, Enforcer), AWP (Black Nile, Duality, Gungnir, Dragon Lore, Prince, Medusa, Desert Hydra, Fade, Lightning Strike, Oni Taiji, Silk Tiger, Graphite, Chromatic Aberration, Asiimov, Snake Camo, Boom, Containment Breach, Wildfire, Redline, Electric Hive, Hyper Beast, Neo-Noir, Man-o'-war, Pink DDPAT, Corticera, Sun in Leo, Elite Build, Fever Dream, Atheris, Mortis, PAW, Exoskeleton, Worm God, POP AWP, Phobos, Acheron, Pit Viper, Capillary, Safari Mesh), AK-47 (Steel Delta, Head Shot, Wild Lotus, Gold Arabesque, X-Ray, Fire Serpent, Hydroponic, Panthera Onca, Case Hardened, Vulcan, Jet Set, Fuel Injector, Bloodsport, Nightwish, First Class, Neon Rider, Asiimov, Red Laminate, Aquamarine Revenge, The Empress, Wasteland Rebel, Jaguar, Black Laminate, Leet Museo, Neon Revolution, Redline, Frontside Misty, Predator, Legion of Anubis, Point Disarray, Orbit Mk01, Blue Laminate, Green Laminate, Emerald Pinstripe, Cartel, Phantom Disruptor, Jungle Spray, Safety Net, Rat Rod, Baroque Purple, Slate, Elite Build, Uncharted, Safari Mesh), FAMAS (Waters of Nephthys, Sundown, Prime Conspiracy, Afterimage, Commemoration, Dark Water, Spitfire, Pulse, Eye of Athena, Meltdown, Rapid Eye Move, Roll Cage, Styx, Mecha Industrie, Djinn, ZX Spectron, Valence, Neural Net, Night Borre, Hexne), M4A4 (Eye of Horus, Temukau, Howl, Poseidon, Asiimov, Daybreak, Hellfire, Zirka, Red DDPAT, Radiation Hazard, Modern Hunter, The Emperor, The Coalition, Bullet Rain, Cyber Security, X-Ray, Dark Blossom, Buzz Kill, In Living Color, Neo-Noir, Desolate Space, 龍王 (Dragon King), Royal Paladin, The Battlestar, Global Offensive, Tooth Fairy, Desert-Strike, Griffin, Evil Daimyo, Spider Lily, Converter), M4A1-S (Emphorosaur-S, Welcome to the Jungle, Imminent Danger, Knight, Hot Rod, Icarus Fell, Blue Phosphor, Printstream, Master Piece, Dark Water, Golden Coil, Bright Water, Player Two, Atomic Alloy, Guardian, Chantico's Fire, Hyper Beast, Mecha Industries, Cyrex, Control Panel, Moss Quartz, Nightmare, Decimator, Leaded Glass, Basilisk, Blood Tiger, Briefing, Night Terror, Nitro, VariCamo, Flashback), SG 553 (Cyberforce, Hazard Pay, Bulldozer, Integrale, Dragon Tech, Ultraviolet, Colony IV, Hypnotic, Cyrex, Candy Apple, Barricade, Pulse), SSG 08 (Death Strike, Sea Calico, Blood in the Water, Orange Filigree, Dragonfire, Big Iron, Bloodshot, Detour, Turbo Peek, Red Stone), AUG (Akihabara Accept, Flame Jörmungandr, Hot Rod, Midnight Lily, Sand Storm, Carved Jade, Wings, Anodized Navy, Death by Puppy, Torque, Bengal Tiger, Chameleon, Fleet Flock, Random Access, Momentum, Syd Mead, Stymphalian, Arctic Wolf, Aristocrat, Navy Murano), G3SG1 (Chronos, Violet Murano, Flux, Demeter, Orange Kimono, The Executioner, Green Apple, Arctic Polar Camo, Contractor), SMGs - P90 (ScaraB Rush, Neoqueen, Astral Jörmungandr, Run and Hide, Emerald Dragon, Cold Blooded, Death by Kitty, Baroque Red, Vent Rush, Blind Spot, Asiimov, Trigon, Sunset Lily, Death Grip, Leather, Nostalgia, Fallout Warning, Tiger Pit, Schermatic, Virus, Shapewood, Glacier Mesh, Shallow Grave, Chopper, Desert Warfare), MAC-10 (Sakkaku, Hot Snakes, Copper Borre, Red Filigree, Gold Brick, Graven, Case Hardened, Stalker, Amber Fade, Neon Rider, Tatter, Curse, Propaganda, Nuclear Garden, Disco Tech, Toybox, Heat, Indigo), UMP-45 (Wild Child, Fade, Blaze, Day Lily, Minotaur's Labyrinth, Crime Scene, Caramel, Bone Pile, Momentum, Primal Saber), MP7 (Teal Blossom, Fade, Nemesis, Whiteout, Asterion, Bloosport, Abyssal Apparition, Full Stop, Special Delivery, Neon Ply, Asterion, Ocean Foam, Powercore, Scorched, Impire), PP-Bizon (Modern Hunter, Rust Coat, Forest Leaves, Antique, High Roller, Blue Streak, Seabird, Judgement of Anubis, Bamboo Print, Embargo, Chemical Green, Coblat Halftone, Fuel Rod, Photic Zone, Irradiated Alert, Carbon Fiber), MP9 (Featherweight, Wild Lily, Pandora's Box, Stained Glass, Bulldozer, Dark Age, Hot Rod, Hypnotic, Hydra, Rose Iron, Music Box, Setting Sun, Food Chain, Airlock, Mount Fuji, Starlight Protector, Ruby Poison Dart, Deadly Poison), MP5-SD (Liquidation, Oxide Oasis, Phosphor, Nitro, Agent, Autumn Twilly), Shotguns, Machineguns - Sawed-Off (Kiss♥Love, First Class, Orange DDPAT, Rust Coat, The Kraken, Devourer, Mosaico, Wasteland Princess, Bamboo Shadow, Copper, Serenity, Limelight, Apocalypto), XM1014 (Frost Borre, Ancient Lore, Red Leather, Elegant Vines, Banana Leaf, Jungle, Urban Perforated, Grassland, Blaze Orange, Heaven Guard, VariCamo Blue, Entombed, XOXO, Seasons, Tranquility, Bone Machine, Incinegator, Teclu Burner, Black Tie, Zombie Offensive, Watchdog), Nova (Sobek's Bite, Baroque Orange, Hyper Beast, Green Apple, Antique, Modern Hunter, Walnut, Forest Leaves, Graphite, Blaze Orange, Rising Skull, Tempest, Bloomstick, Interlock, Quick Sand, Moon in Libra, Clean Polymer, Red Quartz, Toy Soldier), MAG-7 (Copper Coated, Insomnia, Cinqueda, Counter Terrace, Prism Terrace, Memento, Chainmail, Hazard, Justice, Bulldozer, Silver, Core Breach, Firestarter, Praetorian, Heat, Hard Water, Monster Call, BI83 Spectrum, SWAG-7), M249 (Humidor, Shipping Forecast, Blizzard Marbleized, Downtown, Jungle DDPAT, Nebula Crusader, Impact Drill, Emerald Poison Dart), Negev (Mjölnir, Anodized Navy, Palm, Power Loader, Bratatat, CaliCamo, Phoenix Stencil, Infrastructure, Boroque Sand), Wear - Factory New (FN), Minimal Wear (MW), Field-Tested (FT), Well-Worn (WW), Battle-Scarred (BS), Stickers Holo/Foil/Gold - Katowice 2014, Krakow 2017, Howling Dawn, Katowice 2015, Crown, London 2018, Cologne 2014, Boston 2018, Atlanta 2017, Cluj-Napoca 2015, DreamHack 2014, King on the Field, Harp of War, Winged Difuser, Cologne 2016, Cologne 2015, MLG Columbus 2016, Katowice 2019, Berlin 2019, RMR 2020, Stockholm 2021, Antwerp 2022, Paris 2023, Swag Foil, Flammable foil, Others - Souvenirs, Agents, Pins, Passes, Gifts, Music Kits, Cases, Keys, Capsules, Packages, Patches

Some items on the list may no longer be available or are still locked, visit My Inventory for more details.

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TL;DR: My friend insisted she was too sick to see me during the 4 days we went specifically to visit her, but it sounded like an excuse.
I've been friends with L for decades. We've been what I had considered best friends. Our friendship has had some ups and downs, but nothing too major. When I got married several years ago, I moved to a different country. But I still visit my family and my friends once a year and we keep in touch via text and video calls (about 4 a year). The visits and video calls all have to be organized by me, btw.
I am a forgiving person, so when she did not come to my wedding and, more importantly, did not even try, I forgave her because I understood it would've been a major expense to travel and pay for the travel documents for it. When some years later I offered to pay for her and her new husband's tickets to come visit me if they got the travel documents, she never said no but never said yes. But she never tried to get the documents. I still cut her some slack.
Recently L moved to a different, neighboring, country and she's now 4 and a half hrs away by car. I visited her last year in her new hometown, then a second time we met up with her halfway (on her side of the border), and this visit was going to be my third time seeing her in this new country.
The first time I visited I went for just a couple of days and it was just me. Her mother-in-law was visiting as well at the time, so her husband was busy with work and entertaining his mom. My friend and I had a great time going everywhere just the two of us. The second visit when we met halfway, was very quick, just a few hours because she and her husband had to catch a ferry back. I know she'll never come to visit me because it would require her to get the travel documents she has never once tried to get (even though she now has a permanent residency card for the new country, which would make it easier to get documents to visit me).
This time I drove up with my husband to visit her. We took time off from work to make sure we had plenty of time to sightsee and visit, and we paid for 3 nights at a hotel. My friend and I planned a lot of activities together. We had started planning a couple of months before the trip. I was thrilled and incredibly excited. It had been YEARS since I spent my birthday with friends. It really meant a lot to me. We were to drive up on day 1, see her on her own while her husband was working on day 2, go out all of us together on day 3, and have more fun together before we headed back in the afternoon of day 4.
Day 1 as we were driving slowly making our way to where she lives, she told me she and her husband were feeling a little sick, but that they were taking some Tylenol to make sure they were better by day 2 (when the bulk of the activities we planned together that did not include her husband was going to happen). I told her to rest well and feel better.
By day 2 she said she was still feeling sick, with a temperature of 37.2ºC/99ºF (which is still considered within normal range FYI) and sniffles, cough, and watery eyes, and she didn't think she could join us. I was very, very disappointed, but I thought it might be better if she rested. We switched around the plans for day 3 so we could at least have lunch together.
Day 3 she was feeling better but didn't feel 100% and preferred if we saw each other for lunch on day 4, the day we were going to go back. I told her lunch had to be at 1 pm so we could get going around 2 pm. I asked if there was any way to see each other before lunch as well since I had come all the way to see her after all. A lot of back and forth ensued where we planned to meet at 10:30 am because her husband had an online event earlier, but we could watch them have breakfast (I declined to have breakfast at that time given that we were eating lunch at 1pm), then chit chat and have lunch at 1 pm.
Day 4 she sent a message that she had a "fever" of 37ºC/98.6ºF and wasn't feeling well (again that is an even more perfectly normal body temperature). And she had the flu and didn't want to get us sick. She also said that the weather was rainy and bad and didn't want to get worse by going out in that weather (the day was sunny and clear). She sounded proud that she was telling me early enough that we could still get some sightseeing done. I was devastated to say the least. I took a while to reply thinking of all the things I could say, but I finally decided that if she just didn't want to see me I was not going to beg or point out the inconsistencies. I replied with the equivalent of an "Ok I guess". When she saw that, she sent a message about how she was going back to bed and how she "might" feel better if we wanted to stop by on our way out of town around 1 pm so we could say hi across the lobby while wearing masks. At that point, my husband and I had decided to just go home early because I was devastated and doubted she would see us. A couple of hours later, she tried calling, and sent tons of texts, again explaining that she had been sick with a fever and that the doctor had at some point (she did not see a doctor at this time) told her that she's contagious if she's coughing. And no, she was not going to be able to see us for the couple of minutes she had hinted at. I proceeded to ignore her messages as I was very upset and we were already driving back anyway.
The next day (my actual birthday), she sent a text in our group chat about how she was so sad she had been sick after all that planning, but happy birthday.
I don't know what to think. Was she avoiding me? Was she truly sick? If so, why tell me the not-really-fever temperatures? Is it bad depression? Was she having trouble with her husband and this was a way to cover for it? I kept telling her we could do anything she wanted, we didn't have to sightsee or go anywhere. She never suggested meeting at an open area to chat and not worry about being contagious until the very end. I am so hurt and upset, but part of me is wondering if this is one big cry for help. If it is, how can I help her? Do I tell her to go to therapy? That is a big taboo in our culture, so I don't even know how to suggest it. What if she really thought she was sick? Will hinting that maybe she had something else going on insult her? How do I move past this? She broke my heart a little.
We've grown apart geographically and in our beliefs/interests as we got older and we both changed and got married, but neither of us has that many friends so we remained best friends by default. Do I just give up on the decades of friendship because she couldn't be bothered to see me during the trip?

Hi! I’ve been diagnosed for anxiety since August of this year because I started vaping. Ever since then I’ve adopted an anxious tic where i tense up my muscles where my neck meets my head. I’ve been getting really bad dizzy spells, ringing in the ears daily, killer headaches, feel sick, and when i get dizzy i can’t form coherent sentences. It’s like my brain fully shuts off. I dont know if this is a result of my anxiety that formed from vaping ? But it affects my everyday life to the point it happens everyday and I can’t do basic things.
Is my anxiety so bad that my body is in fight or flight and shuts off to protect me?
Or could it be from Vaping?