Where should I actually start.
Normally, I don't write lots of stuff to guys before meeting up due to personal experiences of the chemistry not matching up, but this guy was different. He hit me up on this dating site and we moved into WhatsApp, and we talked for a week a lot about deep topics. It was really fun talking to him and I think he had fun too. He invited me to his home and he even said I could stay the night if we had good chemistry. We then met at his house and upon meeting we had a really good chemistry. We cuddled a lot, we kissed a lot, we talked about such deep things (politics, economics). It lasted around 5 hours where we just cuddled and hugged each other. Then we ordered delivery for dinner and during that time I noticed he became colder (not much to talk about), and then after eating we both proceeded to cuddle again for a few moment on his sofa. Afterwards, he then looked at his phone and asked me when my last train was. I quickly noticed it was already midnight which means I don't have a train anymore. I asked him if maybe I could sleep over (and offered sleeping on the sofa because I felt a really cold aura from him at this point). He said "No" straight away. I was kind of shocked tbh. We laughed a lot during our cuddles and he complimented me a lot, I asked myself if I did something wrong. He then told me to get an Uber and he'll pay for it. We spent 10 more minutes on the sofa where it was very awkward and we spent it mostly on our phone. Then I decided to leave and we only said "Bye" to each other, no hugs, and everything. He paid for the Uber and didn't block me until now actually.
I then wrote him this: Hey, I really enjoyed our time together and felt we had a great connection. However, I was a bit confused about how the night ended. I would love to understand better what happened. Hope to hear from you. 🙂
He read it, no answer.
I'm confused. We had such a great vibe. Did I do something wrong?

The Context:

/Barcelona is the main sub for the second largest city in Spain and the capital of Catalonia. Long a tourist hotspot, much of the local economy is driven by tourism.
OOP posts a picture of graffiti in a park with the message: “Tourist: your luxury trip my daily misery.” [sic]
Users begin debating if this is a fair take, the effect of tourism on the city, and vomiting memes.
For ease of readability to a majority English-speaking audience, I’ve translated some comments from Catalan, poorly.

The Drama:

Is the graffiti expressing a selfish sentiment?

What a selfish, shitty thing to say to someone trying to live their best lives and share a bit of the magic you enjoy everyday.

Love this comment! Not all tourists are bad.

Tourism is unsustainable.

So we should all just stick to the respective cities we’re born in? What a lovely, thriving, multi-cultural society that’ll end up in /s

Not all the cities have the same problems. Responsible tourism is a thing

[Continued:]

Then why don't you vote for politicians that want to improve the situation?
Tourism tax, restrictions on how many people can visit a park/attraction per day, etc pp.
Instead you get nonstop whining on reddit. Or shared bicycles that can only be rented by Barcelona residents. Wow, good job! The tourism tax is at only 4-5€ per night in Barcelona. Compare that to Berlin where it's a whopping 7% soon (which is usually way higher than 5€).

Who did tell you who I vote for or what I do? [If you want we can talk face to face when you want clown]

Oh no, we got a badass over here. [I didn't say anything like that, of course you tourists are the problem if your head lacks intelligence...]

[It's very good to learn Catalan (good luck with what you have left to reach a decent level, I'm really telling you this with love) but don't put words in other people's mouths without knowing. There are many of us here who are fed up with the borderline situation that the city is living in and if you are a privileged person who doesn't get the slightest bit, I would at least ask you to have the decency to keep quiet when it's time to keep quiet]

[…]

No. We should stop travelling at the expense of the plane, the cities and the people's suffering. And locals should resist what makes their lives more difficult. In this case, a tourist model that hikes rents, contaminates and destroys the social fabric of the community displacing people and creating precarious jobs that provide no stability or value. Barcelona can be a great and fun place if you are staying here for a week, or if you are a remote worker that gets paid by a large firm with headquarters in Amsterdam. But that fun can be, and is, disastrous for other people. That search for sun and beach, of parties and stories uploaded to social media causes many problems for others. That's a fact. Non-sustainable tourism is what it is. Tourists and expats (high earning migrants) can be, individually, very nice and conscious folks. But the dynamics they are participating in are the cause of many problems for the city and its inhabitants.
[It's the market, friend.]

[…]

The problem isn't the singular tourist. The problem is suffocating hordes of tourists that treat your home like an amusement park or museum.
Tourism can be a real economic win for a city, but it also has externalities that can kill the very thing that made it special if not kept in check. Barcelona is a great example of this.
I say this both as someone who loves to travel and who lives in a tourist hotspot.

I mean, there is not too much you can do about it besides a ridiculous tax, and that would be a little hypocritical if you love to travel, because traveling should be accessible to the majority of people.
It makes sense to me if you defend the free market, and you put the price on your city or whatever you want to do like a libertarian, but again,it is hypocritical when we see that the political party that won the elections do not like the free market or libertarian politics.
You can't have all.

Woooosh!
That's the sound of everything going over your head

Lmao, it is the definition of being a logical thinker and not being a hypocrite.

Oh sorry, it went so over your head, that you didn't even hear the whoosh.
You're talking politics when I was talking social and economic. So, not much of a logical thinker.
But it doesn't surprise me that Barcelona would vote that way. It's called the resource curse, and by now tourism will have all but killed all other industries. So yeah, they have no choice now. Which is exactly what I was talking about in my second paragraph.

Who are the users of the sub anyway?

Because 90% of the people answering are expats. They don't fucking care about locals, they mostly despise or ignore them. Most of them live in their own English ghettos, not even bothering about anything else that themselves.

Biggest load of horseshit I’ve read all day.
You live in fantasy land and it’s really, really sad to see. I hope you open your eyes one day.

[How is your Catalan?]

[my Catalan is good. not that it matters]
Nobody “despises” Catalans. Every single person I know that has moved here is desperate to get involved with local culture, history and activities. They try their hardest to learn the language. They try their hardest to make more catalan friends.
Classic Reddit perpetual victim.

Is Barcelona dying?

Barcelona is dying. Soon it will be an empty city, a shiny shell of what had once been alive and authentic. The locals can't face the rent prices, the gentrified shops and bars, we are forced to leave our neighborhoods and give up decent housing.

Looking at rent availability and prices - it is very far from dying.

Are you looking at the prices as a foreigner or as a local? Because wages in Spain for most of us are quite poor, so yes, it's really difficult to find decent housing with those prices

And yet people don't do anything like moving away meaning situation is still not that bad.
When things like that happened in my country - a lot of people emigrated for better work and things normalised at home too.
Economy has a way of fixing itself. No workers to serve tourists - higher wages or fewer tourists.

It will only be expats and tourists here and the 10% rich Catalans in the end. Look at the most common local salary from locals in the city.

You're so close to understanding the root of the issue. Yet so far...

Yeah, it's all the fault of the 10% of evil Catalans. OK. Nobody else is responsable or can do anything.

[Continued:]

Think a little bit harder. You can do it.

[You're enlightening, kid.]

I give you the answer because you're obviously struggling. It's the wages. Your salary is shit, and there's no excuse for that because you live in a rich region, of a rich country, part of a rich continent.
And once again, one of the greatest success of those profiteering is to turn people like you into the useful idiots by pointing the finger to people from your own social class: in this case, the Ryanair flying middle to low income tourists (yeah, far from luxury holidays), who are the majority of the people visiting this city. And with whom you have much more in common than you realize.
While prices have increased, as it did everywhere around the globe, Barcelona remains a cheap city. And that's exactly the reason why it is such a popular destination across the spectrum of tourists, and especially with low income ones.
So, if you really want to change something, start asking yourself why wages are so low in such a rich region. And at an individual level, negotiate (like I did) an income worth your efforts. And if it's still not enough, keep in mind that 80% of the properties are owned by locals.

You don't know shit about how I fight, or any people like me for a more fair society. Probably way more than you. But this post is about overtourism and touristification. I can care about multiple things and fight multiple fights.

Then this conversation is over, you don't have the intellectual bandwidth to understand something as simple as how low wages are linked to the problem you blame "the tourists" for. Also, if me, an immigrant from a poor Caribbean country, is able to live significantly better than you in a place where I arrived few years ago without speaking the language, ask yourself the right questions about your fighting abilities, and probably your life choices.

[Continued:]

Lol you know shit about who I am, my life choices, or the money I earn. Your comment is funny.
I'm a socialist. I care about my family and friends, about people who had less oportunities than me. I despise people who only think about themselves, or fight only for themselves. The last part of your comment says a lot about you. Bye.

Sure, keep telling yourself that you're a socialist while defending a xenophobic agenda benefiting the ruling class. Like I said, useful idiots like you are what's keeping the system on its feet. Great work 👍

A user is crowned king:

When your own city becomes overcrowded all the time and you can’t afford to live in the center because it’s so expensive due to tourist/expats money inflating the market, it doesn’t matter how much money “the city” makes from tourism, your individual life is affected very negatively and you live worst off than with less tourism. I’m not even a local, but this is not hard to understand.

can’t really blame tourists for systemic issues

Erm, says who, you, the king?
If local wages are lower than abroad (not ideal but would be ok in its own, it’s still better than my own country) but due to how attractive the weather and culture is, people from other countries with much higher wages flock here and destroy the market, either by paying much higher (making it impossible for locals) or buying properties to rent (know many who do this, buy something, live in it 3 months of the year, and rent to other expats the rest of the year) - who’s fault is? The locals? lol

then fight for wages, not tourists.

This is why the locals hate you lol

[Continued:]

This is why I don't care bro.
[Photo of a beach]

What are you trying to prove? I’m not even a local, I just have more than a brain cell and understand why the locals blame the tourists, which is what was being discussed.

Nothing mate, I just really don't care who hates me. That is my day everyday at 11 am.

You care enough to have made now 3 comments that are totally irrelevant to what was being discussed.
“I don’t care. I swear. I promise! Let me show you that I don’t care. I really don’t care I swear”.

[…]

People working in tourism related jobs mostly work part-time, have no indefinido contracts and earn minimum wage. You can google that.
Some people are getting rich by tourism, most people are just surviving in it.
But of course 'expats' and tourists who represent most of the sub members and not local or immigrant workers are going to upvote your out of touch comment.

Some of these people need it to survive though

Not the Airbnb owners obviously

I have an Airbnb and I need it to survive.

Get a job.

What is misery?

Misery is that your old neighborhood is full of souvenir shops and none of your friends even live there anymore.

Shut the fuck up, Spain has one of the highest living standards in the world. You’re mad because other people want to visit and have a bit of it in their shitty lives? Spain has it so damn good, the thing youre complaining about is literally a problem around the entire developed world and isn’t necessarily any worse or unique to Barcelona. Stop being so damn dramatic and accept that your ‘misery’ is just you disliking seeing foreigners happy.

If you can afford spending hundreds of euros in partying and Airbnbs, why is their life so shitty? Leave your jobs and come work here as a server, try to rent anything with the minimum salary. Barcelona can be a paradise, but the tourist model is making it a hell for the majority.
Yeah, the market is being a problem for everyone everywhere. Now, people in Barcelona have to fight against the effects of the market in the city. As everybody should do in their home cities. A Barcelona for those who build their lives there, not for those who wish to consume and toss it.

Something tells me, me, a guiri, leaving my job and working in Barcelona makes Catalans even more mad than if I were just visiting.

And that something is in the room, here with us?
in fact if you live and work in Catalonia you are a Catalan. so this comment makes 0 sense at all.

Who’s to blame anyway?

Classic losers playing the victim card. Without tourism beautiful Barcelona's economy would be destroyed. But please keep blaming your shortcomings on others.

Barcelona was beautiful before tourism.

If you live in Barcelona, enjoy it. It is and will always be beautiful, and if you truly believe otherwise you are wasting the time you have in one of the world’s greatest cities. Times are tough, yes, but remember that people are also having tough times in the middle of nowhere, without any cultural outlets or ability to find likeminded people. Real estate greed is running rampant the world over, and hopefully it will not last.
Be a part of the solution, never travel again please. Just spend the rest of your life in Barcelona like a hermit. Otherwise you're a fucking hypocrite.

Hypocrite is thinking that tourism is good for the locals.

Ok great. Then be a part of the solution and never travel again. It hurts the locals. Been to London? Been to Berlin? Been to Italy? Greece? Cairo? Are you going to stop travelling and seeing the world? Everyone here knows perfectly well that you won't. It's just childish whining

The Flairs:

• “But I don't eat and vomit memes like you…”
  
• “Stop getting your news from memes”
  
• “You don't know shit about how I fight”
  

I (20M) feel like i got pretty lucky with alot of things that men say women want. Im 6"5, im semi muscular (ill get into this one l8r), i got good hair, and half desent facial hair, i have a LOT of money for ppl my age (around 100k at 20 due to a legal suit involving a death of a close relitive), and above average sized thing (not to be crass but i think its important for what im talking about).
Now thats all great, like every alpha male guy would say thats all that matters to get women but my insecurity comes from my face. I HATE the way my face looks. Like i cant put into words how disgusting my face is. My nose is down turned and pruyrdes too far from my face, my eyes are too deep set into my skull and have these disgusting genetic under eye bags that are always shadowed, my cheeks are fat and puffy and i have a aweful jaw that shoots way too high up to early on my face, as well as one side of my face is round and 1 side is sharp. I hate seeing myself. But so much of life is just seeing yourself, i dont want photos of me, i dont want to be seen in public, i dont want to go on dates, etc all because i hate the way i look. Ive gone through soo much in my life but ive really gotten through it all, abusive parents as a kid, dead parent as a teen, all my grandparents are dead, no real connections, a disease that hospitialized me for most of highschool, and so many other struggles in my life and yet the only thing that consitantly weighs on my mind and makes me suididal is my face.
I hate it so much i cant put it into words. Ive done ALOT of reflecting on why i hate how i look because im probaly objectivly speeking barely below average or maybe even average levels of attractivness. I think it comes from bad experinces with women in the past and a sense of inadequicy caused by having abusive parents. I know i mentioned alpha male shit at thr begining of this post but im actually not into any of that bullshit at all. Im a pretty big feminist and ive always kind of prided myself on not being that cringe women hating andrew tate fan, but what im realizing is i just internilized all that hatred instead of putting it onto women.
I constantly look at myself, i check myself in every reflection to confirm im still ugly, if there isnt a mirror i take a photo or look at myself in my phones reflection. I do this because i want to know what i look like in the moment. Even when im alone i constantly check. I have over 6k selfies on my phone if just that. Sometimes i feel confident and i feel like a 8 or a 9 out of 10 and then i see myself in normal/natural lighting and i feel like a 3/10. Its so paralalyzing. I would do anything to just feel comfterable in my own skin. I miss out on so many great things because im paranoid about how i look. When i walk to the store i spend the entire time obbsesivly freaking out about my aprarejce, when i hang out with friends i try and consuously position myself in ways they see my good side or me in good lighting because i dont want them to THINK im ugly. Its so miserable i want it to be over. Im genuinly suisidal over my facial apearnece which feels so pathetic when you consider what other people are going through or even what I have experinced in the past, its wierd THIS small thing is so deteimental to my life.
I feel my body is fine but i do have a eating disorder specifically in a attempt to reduce facial fat. I do sooo much to try and inprove my aperace but at this point its just genetics. Like i have a massive skin care routine, i work out frequently, and so much more but it just doesnt help.
One of my friends told me he though i was ugly when he first met me but now he things im average and it destroyed me. Idk why he said it honeslty i think he was drunk and ment it as a compliment and for a normal person they would just move on but for me its lingered in my mind 24/7 for the last 3 months. It doesnt even matter what he thinks because im straight and its not like im trying to date him but I think becuase of the way i obssess over what others think of my apearjwce it like confirmed my already negitive thoufhrs about my apernece. I dont voice these kind of things to ppl so its not like any1 knows not to say things like that but if i did ask him not to it would honeslty make ut worse because then it would feel like he was silently judging me.
I desprutially want to be loved, i think it has to do with being phyically and emotionally abused by both my parents as a kid because i feel this deep sinkinh feeling in my chest all the time and it feeld like the only way i could fix it would be love. Sometimes i get a glimse of it, like i fall in love and we go on a few dates and then it doesnt work out but for that short few weeks it felt like everything was fine fir the first rime ever. I want to just experince basic love like hugging and spending time together with someone in a romantic sense SOO deeply and it feels like it i was more attractive maybe those dates where i was in love but it wasnt mutual would work out.
I social media stalk one girl in particular and evey new boyfriend she gets is like 500x more attractive than me and it just makes me feel hopeless but i litterally cant get over her. 2 years and the feelings never went away. Every time i think im over her i dream about her or something big happens involving her or a friend mentions her in passing and its like all these dormant feeling reawaken and i just feel so inadiqet. Like i dont even want any1 else. Its wierd and it fucking sucks.
I feel like the only real options left are get cosmetic surgery and hope that fixes everything, or die and never have to worry about it again but i genuinly think all the time about all the bad photos thsg would be used at my funeral. If i got cosmetic survery i would move to the other side of the country and start a new life and just pretend it never happened and not talk to any1 who new me from before until they A forgot what i looked like, or B enough time passed its reasonable i looked diffrent.
What should i do? Is this fixable?

So i'm married with my husband (Kevin) since 4 years and our relationship since we get married is very boring. I'm the one always suggesting trips, go to events, go somewhere for a romantic week-end or only a romantic dinner at home. I mean for 4 years i tried to spice up our marriage with easy things like i said before and i never expected to go to expensive places, doing luxury trips or have jewels every single day. I'm a pretty easy type of woman and even a dinner with a frozen dish to me is very romantic and unique cause it's a spontaneous thing or even a flower caught by the street would make me happy and feeled like i'm important to Kevin. So as you see i'm not a very "demanding" woman. I still remember when, before marriage, Kevin brought me a few flowers from the garden and gave them to me and i was the happiest girl of this world cause this simple things are, to me, the things that tells you how much someone cares for you. Or the time when i burnt the dinner cause i was distracted and Kevin, when he got back home from work, reassured me and we bought some McDonald's and stayed there hours just cuddling and talking. But since we got married he acts like i don't exist and just comes home to eat, watch the TV and sleep. Nothing else.
I tried many times to have a talk with him about our relationship, what we (and i) could do better to improve it, if i was doing something wrong, couple's therapy but he always brushed it off saying "i'm nust tired leave me alone". Every single time the same answer so after 4 years of frustrations like this i just gave up.
But then a year ago i made a gym membership cause i wanted to be in shape and because i thought that maybe my body was the problem and in 1 year i got in the best shape of my life but my husband didn't even noticed it and always act like it's all normal. In this year i met a guy at the gym and we started talking and become friends.
Before going on i want to specify that we never did anything physical like sex, kiss or this things and we always only talked like friends. This guy (Martin) apparently could seem like a tough and strict guy but i can guarantee that despise his body size (he is 194 cm for 134 kg) he is the sweetest guy i ever met. He is extremly sweet, innocent and extremly funny. He always talks with everyone at the gym and everyone likes him for his funny character. Since we started talking randomly, before, and then more seriously after i noticed that we have many things in common and we basically have the same character. I still remember that 3 months ago i was of the worst mood ever and he arriving to the gym and seeing me angry took a flower from the plants around the gym and gave it to me making me happy and smiling.
I never felt a connection like this with no one before and not even with my bestfriend. Just to make you understand.
I have no idea of what this guy is doing to me but i feel extremely attracted to him emotionally and physically. I would never cheat on my husband so having sex with Martin isn't an option and i never talked with him about my marriage problems cause it's a very personal thing and i don't talk about this things with everyone so Martin knows only a superficial part of me.
So folks of Reddit is this "normal"? How do i unravel this situation? What should i do?
P.S. i'm working as a secretary while Kevin works for a tech company as a business manager so he is the breedwinner of the couple and i'm doing all the house chores because Kevin is "too tired". We never wanted kids so this isn't a problem and our intimacy is doing it 3 times in 6 months.
TL:DR; I(28F) feel attracted to a guy i met at the gym but i'm married with my husband(28M). What should i do? Advices please!!!

History: * Heavy vaper for 10 years * Tapered down over 2 weeks with patches (21-14-7 for a few days) - was feeling confident; could have spread it out more; in evenings I would take off the patch and vape to my heart's content * I quit coffee about a week before I started patches (may have impacted withdrawal positively)
Just graduated college a few weeks ago, took this dead time between graduation and starting a new job to get off of nicotine.
Tapering nicotine patches down experience: Going from 21 to 14 was pretty seamless, felt only mild symptoms. Going from 14 to 7 was a bit more challenging for the first couple days, had some symptoms and took some hits to alleviate, but overall was consuming less nicotine. That was incredibly mild compared to day 1 without the patch.
Day 1: strong cravings, brain fog that got progressively worse (12 hour mark); can't concentrate on anything for long, doing mentally challenging things feels impossible. Frustration tolerance is low but I'm not super irritable.
Day 2: moderate cravings. Brain fog feels worse. In a panic/desparation I'm googling people's nicotine withdrawal timelines hoping that this brain fog won't last for weeks. Brain fog is temporarily better after going for a nice walk. Maybe that slight amount of adrenaline is helping.
By the evening I'm noticing that the brain fog is starting to lift a bit, but irritability is settling in. It's sinister, I don't feel completely annoyed by arbitrary things, but I'm subconsciously picking fights and giving people a hard time for no reason. I remember noticing I was more irritable/quick to anger when I started vaping years ago... ironic.
Day 3: Brain fog is definitely lighter but still present. No way I'm getting anything mentally challenging done. Ended up playing Pokemon for much of the day... haven't played in 7 years or so. I feel awesome, I tell myself, but think it's mostly relief that the brain fog is starting to fade.
Noticed I'm still coughing a good bit here and there, but not experiencing the early morning coughs like I did when I was vaping. Cravings are somehow low but the temptation is still there. Just one hit, just to prove to yourself that you don't need it... glad I didn't do it.
Been drinking the same amount of water I usually do but I'm peeing a LOT. Feels like every 15 minutes I'm getting up to pee. Like I've had coffee for the first time in a while.
Feels like I can't eat as much as I used to. Like things aren't moving through my system as fast (which is fine).
Day 4: Brain fog is 85% gone. Cough is 95% gone and when it's there, it's dry. Irritability is decreasing. Mouth is dry as hell despite drinking tons of water. It's easier to fall asleep.
Day 5: Feel less out of breath when going for moderate walks (2 miles/3.2 km). Have noticed I feel way less irritable/anxious, I'm less stressed around friends/family. More open than normal.
Second day now I've woken up 90 minutes before my alarm. Feels like my sleep is good, it's just harder to fall asleep after waking up compared to before. Took a midmorning nap.
Day 6, Day 7: More of the same. Brain fog is gone. Irritability seems gone. Mouth is still dry. Got the courage to throw out my vape/remaining juice.
I can't believe I've made it this far. I thought I'd always be someone dependent on nicotine. I recommend anyone having a go at least take a few days off from work (if possible), stay hydrated, and do some light exercise.
I feel like I definitely had it easier than some folks. Best of luck to all of you.

“We’re a meat family,” my dad would proudly tell strangers. He’d wait for the quizzical look, then launch into detail, starting with how many freezers we had, how long we could sustain ourselves on the contents. It was just his way of starting a conversation, which made sense when you considered that raising and home-killing animals for food was, for want of a better term, his life-long hobby. His prize possession was one of those industrial-sized vacuum sealers: you could put half a pig inside and wrap it in plastic so tightly that every wrinkle and skin fold waxed unreal with shiny detail.
If we hadn’t lived in a rural area, albeit semi-urbanised, I guess it would have been pretty weird. But the mostly farming-stock locals only found his extra enthusiasm a little bit odd.
When he wasn’t being a bit embarrassing talking about it, I never really paid much heed to his hobby. I had a child’s vaguely grateful awareness that though our family went through some lean financial times, our stomachs never suffered like some of the families around us. All the beef, pork, ham and bacon in those big old chest freezers passed down from his dad really could have fed us for years.
I should preface all this by saying that I wasn’t a particularly bright kid, though neither was I dumb. I didn’t fail badly at anything in school, I just never achieved beyond a pass. I didn’t know it yet back then, still quietly dreaming about being a ballet star or a dressage champion, but mediocrity was my destiny. And I think that’s why I got on so well with my Aunt Liz.
Liz was my dad’s live-in youngest sister. She was one of those women who get described as ‘bubbly’ — not really pretty, not really smart, not a lot going on besides just being… well, all Liz. But she was salt of the earth; kind, caring, and great with kids. She was the only person who would willingly mind my two older brothers, who fought like hellcats and caused more trouble than the whole last generation of my family combined. People would privately lament to my parents that it was a shame Liz didn’t have kids of her own, but dad would just shake his head and say Liz liked it that way – that all the fun of looking after kids is being able to give them back to their parents.
I guess she was like me; nice, but mediocre. Lovely, but somehow forgettable when she wasn’t doing something for you.
But when Liz left us, I couldn’t forget her.
In hindsight, it was pretty weird timing that we had a big fortieth birthday party for Liz right before she disappeared. She was radiant that night; she’d hired a local girl to do her hair and makeup, and it was honestly the first time I’d ever seen her look pretty. She’d even worn a push-up bra under a tight red dress, which flattered her very plump curves well enough that the neighbour’s farmhand was spotted disappearing into the woolshed with her for a snog. In my dawning awareness, that gave a plain girl hope: if Aunty Liz could get a guy at forty, maybe things would turn out okay for me.
Anyway, I couldn’t forget how her pink cheeks, her eyes, her whole self, glowed that night before Liz went to bed. She said it was the best birthday ever, and that she was very much looking forward to the next stage of her life.
Would I have done anything different, if I had known? If I had realised what, exactly, that next stage was?
The week after the party, Aunt Liz said she was going on a little holiday up north, to visit some old school friends. She packed her things – she didn’t honestly have that many – and drove her little orange mini out onto the main road. And with a wave of one fleshy hand, she was gone. Nobody really thought much of it when she didn’t call, because nobody rural had cellphones back then. And Liz was, as I said, somehow kinda forgettable when she wasn’t right in front of you.
When we hadn’t had contact for six weeks, Dad tracked down the land line numbers for their old school buddies. They were surprised to hear from him — Liz had never arrived, so they had just assumed she’d cancelled her visit. No-one had thought to check. I eavesdropped on the conversation, and it sounded for all the world like *they* had forgotten about Aunt Liz, too.
From there it became a missing person case. The local cops came and talked to all of us; the farmhand who’d been seen snogging her was briefly detained, then let go, dad got grilled at length, even my hellion brothers were questioned thoroughly to see if this was one of their wild and dangerous pranks gone wrong.
But everything was a dead end. Nobody knew where Liz was, or what had happened to her.
The remains of her old mini were found halfway across the country, burned out on a beach, on a derelict stretch of ragged, rocky coastline. The police assumed murder and combed the area for remains. But even the most expert divers couldn’t conquer the incredible undertow and fast-shifting seabed of that coastline to look for evidence, so none was forthcoming.
Eventually the cops collectively shrugged and said that there was really nothing more they could do unless more information suddenly came to light. The locals knew nothing, no witnesses had come forward, and the trail was cold. As far as anyone knew, poor aunt Liz had been murdered on some desolate beach, far away from her home.
It didn’t feel fair to me. She’d once mentioned wanting her remains buried on our farm, in the graveyard plot beside grandma and grandad.
So, in my grief, I went into her room to look for something of hers to bury beside them.
Like I said, Liz didn’t have many things. Her room was pretty spartan, and her wardrobe was mostly sensible farm stuff. There was one exception: she, like me, did like to read, and she had a pretty good collection of well-thumbed books. I think it’s the escapism – even the most mediocre girl can lose herself in the plot of some trashy romance novel, imagine there’s still hope of being swept off her feet by that handsome stableboy, his inexplicable yearning for chubby plain girls.
So I set myself the task of going through the books, to find the right one to bury in the graveyard plot.
Most of them were exactly what you’d expect, but some of them were racier than I was used to. I felt various parts of my body flushing and tingling, as I read breathless prose about calloused hands touching the softest flesh of the protagonist. Okay, if I’m honest with myself, I might have got a little *too* invested in my project at that point. But that was also why I persisted going through her entire collection, until I found the ragged paperback from 1970, entitled Tawny Sands. And inside that trashy cardboard romance cover, I discovered not the tale of Tawny Sands, but some carefully hand-cut, stitched-in pages. A handwritten story in my Aunt’s rounded penmanship: Memoirs of a Long Pig.
I read her story twice in a row, utterly gripped.
Aunt Liz was no Stephen King – heck, she wasn’t even the Goosebumps guy – but her story was gripping and compelling, and I couldn’t put it down. Even if I hadn’t known her, I think that would have been true.
The gist of it was that Liz, when she was sixteen, had discovered that our family had a very long history of eating what she described as ‘Long Pork’. It’s an antipodean term, anglicised from the Pacific Islands: human meat.
Like me, young Liz still had some hopes and dreams. In one of her many failed attempts to find a special talent, she’d taken up cooking as a hobby. Naturally, with our family’s overabundance of meat, she’d scoured the freezers in the shed for ingredients: the racks of ribs and stacks of pork chops, butcher-paper wrappings all neatly labelled with the first letter of the name of the animal they came from.
She found familiar meat from Rodney, one of the pigs that had been recently slaughtered, emblazoned with an ‘R’ in her father’s strong, blocky lettering. There were cutlets labelled ‘M’ for Mary, from one of the lambs she’d hand-reared, and ‘F’ for Ferdinand, the steer they’d killed the month before. But she couldn’t explain the many, many curious parcels of meat on one side of the huge freezer, all labelled ‘J’ – at least, not until she took it all out and assembled it as well as she could on the scoured concrete floor of the killing shed. A big, frozen jigsaw puzzle without the box, her best attempt to discover what kind of beast the pieces had come from.
The animal, she quickly realised, was a Long Pig. Her own Aunt Jenny, who had died the month before – just after her fortieth birthday.
Fortunately, or perhaps not, for Liz, her father entered the shed right at that moment and realised his daughter had discovered the family secret. He sat down calmly on the lid of the freezer, and explained to her that this was a long-running family tradition, dating back to at least before his grandfather had been born.
“There are always people in life, Liz,” he’d said, “who won’t really amount to much. They want to be useful, want to be more. They strive and they strive, trying job after job, hobby after hobby, trying to hit on something they’re really good at. Something that makes them special. Those people can waste their whole lives, chasing dreams that never come true. Eventually they die unfulfilled, knowing that all their time has been wasted. That what they leave behind will fade quickly.”
His voice was oddly gentle as he leaned down and patted one of the neatly wrapped cuts of Aunt Jenny, still sitting frozen on the shed floor.
“Your Aunt Jenny was one of those people. So was my Aunt Irene.” He paused to gaze at his daughter, his next words peppered with emphasis. “But you see, my sweet Liz, they did find a purpose in life. They did find a way to be special, and they left this world utterly certain of their gift.” He stood up, stretched his back. “Let me show you.”
Liz waited while my grandad meticulously stacked the meat back into the freezer, all but one J-marked parcel that looked for all the world like a thick venison steak. He took her back to the farmhouse, and reverently unwrapped the deep red, heavily marbled meat to let it thaw. Then he laid it in the family’s ancient, cast-iron pan, basting it with butter and rosemary until a heavenly scent filled the kitchen, and Aunt Liz couldn’t stop her mouth from watering.
“Just try it. Let her show you. You’ll see exactly what I’m talking about.”
Even though she knew it was her aunt, Liz couldn’t stop herself from taking that first bite. There was something transcendent about the smell, overriding her natural revulsion that this was human meat, not one of their farm animals. For the first time, she truly realised it: we’re just another kind of animal. And weren’t her memories of Mary the lamb almost as fond as her memories of Aunt Jenny?
Liz explained then, in her curly handwriting, the explosion of taste that had assaulted her when she tried the steak. It was tender, it was succulent, it was rich beyond imagining. The fats melted on her tongue, lingering somewhere between pork and beef, but oddly neither. The flavour of the meat defied identification; something familiar, yet not.
But one thing she couldn’t deny; it was the most delicious thing she had ever eaten. Tears dripped onto her plate, mingled with the juice, the grease — not grief, but a pure, real, giddy delight.
“You’re tasting your aunt’s love for this family,” my grandad explained. “Her entire life was carefully curated, to eventually make unforgettable moments for us, just like this. This was her way of being special. This was the greatest gift she could possibly bring to our world – and because she realised that, she died with not a single regret. She knew her life had purpose. She was perfectly, completely fulfilled.”
I felt those words. I felt them lodge in my own belly, settling uncomfortably deep. I knew Aunt Liz, probably better than anyone else in the family. I’d seen how fucking happy she’d been on her fortieth, how goddamn fulfilled she was, despite apparently being a *nobody* and achieving *nothing*. Somehow, in the space of a single day, she had gone from being a forgettable background character to becoming the *main character*, immortalising herself in our family’s history with her sacrifice. Quite literally becoming part of all of us, forever.
I went to the killing shed after I finished with the book. I looked inside the freezers.
But there were no vacuum-sealed packages labelled ‘L’, no matter how deep I dug into the frozen stacks of plastic-wrapped flesh. Panicked now, not sure if I wanted to connect all the dots or unconnect them, I tried to think back over the last few months, recall any meals that had been unusually good. A few Sundays ago, we’d had a stew that really hit the spot and left me craving more. And I realised that the family had a really good night that night; my brothers behaved themselves, my parents didn’t fight, and grandma and grandad had been there. Hadn’t they looked far more… expectant than they should have?
I strained my brain, trying to recall if I’d seen the homekill bag on the kitchen bench – if I’d registered what letter it was. I knew it wasn’t an L. I would have remembered if it was an L.
And then it hit me, the memory, the connection, sizzling as if branded with a hot iron.
It had been an ‘E’.
E for Elizabeth. Not for Edward the pig.
I snorted at my own stupidity – of *course* Liz was short for Elizabeth – and as I comprehended my lack of smarts, I felt something give inside me.
I wasn’t clever, and nothing, nothing would ever make me smart. I had no big talents. I wasn’t beautiful, or even cute – and even if I had a million plastic surgeries, it still wouldn’t fulfill me. It wouldn’t be real.
I was a Liz.
I was a Jenny.
I was whoever the first aunt had been, the aunt who had dedicated her life to making her flesh as delicious as possible, who had worked every damn minute to be the best Long Pig she could ever be.
I wondered how many magical family evenings had been spent eating Aunt Jenny. How many glorious, satisfying, memorable dishes had been made out of her.
And… I wanted that. I wanted to finally know I had a *purpose* in life. One so simple, and so easy to achieve.
I wanted what Aunt Liz had.
***
It's my fortieth birthday today and I’m so fucking excited. For the last twenty-four years, I’ve dedicated myself to this moment; I’ve eaten exactly what I needed to, I’ve exercised just enough, but not too much, to maintain that perfect balance of marbling vs tenderness. I’ve relaxed and meditated to keep all those amazing flavours inside of me. I’ve researched all the greatest meats in the world, from prime Angus beef to A5 Wagyu. I really think I may have outdone myself.
I’m having my hair and makeup done at the local salon this afternoon, and I’m going to look so pretty; all prize piggy on show at the fair. I’m even going to have a big red ribbon in my hair, in memory of Aunt Liz.
Maybe there’ll be a cute boy I can snog in the wool shed, maybe there won’t – I don’t really care; because the most important, most certain thing is that I’m going to be the most delicious Long Pig in the history of our entire family.
I’m going to make everyone so damn happy, and I’m just so glad I can share my story with you all, instead of hiding it in a grubby book like poor Aunt Liz.
My only real disappointment? That you won’t get to taste me.
Reader, I have loved, loved my life. My Long Pork will be out of this world: once tasted, never, ever forgotten.

General
I am looking for a lady between 28 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I tried to be as concise as possible while still providing what details I think are crucial to know; I realise this post turned out very long, but I prefer those because I can get as good an idea as possible with detailed descriptions, bar actually talking to the person, and find that very valuable, so if that also applies to you, that would be awesome.
Basics
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner (ranging from 5k to full marathon), training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with a fearful avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or in the stadium watching football and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I am looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus (and there have to be at least a couple things we have in common), emotional and sexual compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals (some of which in quite a litteral sense as they make for really amazing pillows) and ideally, you do too.
There is a saying that in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly, like I said, need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well – this just to put the picture I'm (somewhat haphazardly) trying to paint into perspective.
Second, sexual compatibility. I have a high libido and I have kinks, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy them together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, sexual fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. Someone on here has coined the term 'filthy best friends and partners' which I have no shame to be stealing because it's such an apt description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. I love the relationship model outlined in Stan Tatkin’s ‘Wired for Love’ and you should, too. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. I know codependency is the latest thing everyone’s afraid of, but experiencing someone you’ve grown very attached to just bailing because they’re counterdependent and can’t stand working on themselves while simultaneously letting you in is something I’d rather not go through again. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere. If you think’s it’s okay to lovebomb someone and then leave after a couple of months with the minimum amount of information and no proper conversation because you’re not ready to own up to what’s happening to you emotionally, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, be opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: many childfree people seem to be adventurous, but that is a trait I don't associate with myself at all. I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, seeing them change around us, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side (albeit not regarding height), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
The natural progression for me would be to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but having my heart broken because I already developed feelings due to a longer timeframe and then everything unexpectedly turning to shit is not something I want to have to live through again. I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself, I unfortunately had to learn that
Caveats/Possible red flags

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

So I am expecting 590 marks in NEET 2024. This was my 2nd attempt. I belong to SC category and lower middle class background.I am from maharashtra.
Until 12th I haven't had much thoughts about my future. In 12th I got to know about neet and jee. I got 60% in 12th .I appeared for neet but got only 150 marks. I took a drop year and studied hard and got 590 this time.I was happy. My parents aren't that educated so I didn't get academic guidance from anyone including my other family members.
My parents are very great and I respect them so much.They never scolded me for bad performance in academics and are very open minded. They never forced me into anything.I had right to take whatever decisions I desire related to academics.They do suggested me to get admission into bsc but I told them that I want to take a drop for neet and they agreed. I told them my expected marks and they are very happy.
I have many friends from open category and they never treated me any differently. They know I belong to lower caste and never once they mocked me or made me feel left out. I was always invited to theireventss, gatherings and hangouts and we all respect each other. I have been called words in the past like chamar,nichi jaat ka, achut(untouchable) in the past and I used to thought that this is what it's gonna be like ahead. But these people changed my entire perspective. It's always few people who are the troublemakers from every community.Most of the people are good and think rationally.
But now the important part.My friends too got good marks in neet like 600, 610 ,596,620 etc.But they are going to take an another drop because they probably won't get the college they desire just because they belong to general unreserved category. I, who belong to reserved category will probably get good government medical college. But I don't think I deserve to be there. My friends and many other open category students deserve it more than me.They worked hard.The guilt is eating me from inside out since few days and I am feeling low. What if I even get into college? I don't think I will be able to live with the guilt of being there just because I had the reservation previlage. Had I belonged to general category, I wouldn't have gotten shit at 590 marks.
I am thinking of taking an another drop and score better next time so I can get into the college of my choice on my own,Not with the help of my category certificate.
To my unreserved category brothers out there, I respect you a lot.Cracking a competitive exam is a lot lot harder for you guys compared to us. You guys are real warriors fighting out there on your own.Hope you all get all the success you aspire for.

I am looking for a lady between 25 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner, training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with an avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or at a football game and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I'm looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus, emotional and intimate compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals and ideally, you do too.
Apparently in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well.
Second, intimate compatibility. I am rather insatiable and love to experiment when it comes to the bedroom, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, this kind of fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. I found the term 'filthy best friends and partners' to be a perfect description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
I’d prefer to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself.
Caveats

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
• I don't want children and had a vasectomy
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

Introduction

Hello fellow Helldivers. My name is Elliot, alias TeGoRE, a player with 155 hours on the game and plenty of experience gathered from 3rd party sources, especially Reddit and YouTube. I primarily play on difficulty 7, so this post will be biased specifically towards that difficulty.
As you all may know by this point, a lot of people are upset with the Automaton faction, its issues, balancing, bugs, etc. In this post I will be attempting to bring awareness to specific issues rather than asking for vague and general "fixes" the faction would need. I will also be referencing the other faction currently present in the game, the Terminids, as a point of comparison throughout the post.

"Fun factor" analysis; Loadout restrictions

I'll begin with what I believe will be the major point of discussion here. The automatons are just not fun. I understand this is a critical take, but please read before jumping straight to comments.
Let's compare the "fun" factor of Terminids to Automatons here. The Terminids allow you to run pretty much any loadout, while still letting you have impact on the game. You can run pure fodder clear loadouts with light penetration primaries and support tools and contribute to the mission that way, allowing your teammates to clear the heavies with ease. You can also run pure heavy clear with big bulky primaries and anti-tank tools, still contributing to the mission by destroying any charger and bile titan that comes into sight hence allowing your teammates to shoot the other fodder present without being spat on by a 400 ton oversized shrimp or being charged at by a walking rock. With both loadout cases you can also bring stratagems or change out your primaries and other tools (secondary and grenade specifically) that will allow you to have at least some impact on the heavies or lights, respectfully.
The Automatons don't allow for such loadout variety, and considering all the nerf barrages we've been receiving it's obvious that loadout choices are quite restrictive when it comes to fighting automatons. When was the last time you ran flamethrower against the Automatons? Any of the guard dogs? Any other sentry besides autocannon, EMS mortar or maybe the rocket sentry? Gas or airburst strikes? Light penetration or non-precision primaries? You get my point.
The faction requires a playstyle too specific for the casual player. You need to equip high precision weaponry (AMR, Counter sniper, Dominator, etc.) or medium penetration weaponry (Liberator penetrator, Counter sniper, Autocannon, etc) alongside way too many anti-tank tools. Sure, you can bring fodder clear, but the only realistic fodder is the regular troopers or the strider unit. Maybe berserkers. Only reliable (not saying it's the only viable one might I add) fodder clearer would be the grenade launcher, maybe the arc thrower. Furthermore, once on the actual battlefield, you can't necessarily play aggressive. Jump into a pile of bots and you'll be jumping back out limb-by-limb. You have to stay in cover, picking enemies one by one, slowly advancing forward. Then get all your progress denied by a bot drop :^)
We can then conclude that one of the contributing factors to why the Automatons aren't fun is the fact that it's too restricting and too sluggish. Let's look deeper, and analyse why your loadout and playstyle get so restricted;

Enemy analysis, its' contribution to the fun factor

The enemy types of the faction just do not let you vary your loadout enough.
Devastators specifically are the biggest issue. The regular devastator is well-thought out, a heavier bulkier unit with obvious weakspots and not too much firepower which could be compared to the hive guard in terms of mechanics. However, for the heavy devastator and rocket devastator, these are built to just bullshit you into dying. And good luck killing them if you have a light-pen weapon or generally don't have a longer-ranged or high-precision tool, as their primary body (excluding the abdomen) has enough HP to take three full counter sniper magazines (I do not know how a rocket devastator managed to do that, but it did) and just shrug it off. I don't think I need to talk about heavy devastators, they've been brought up enough... I will just briefly skim over it. They're too accurate. "Suppressive fire" does nothing to them. Their 70%-body-covering shield can eat anti-tank projectiles no problem. Sometimes a pack of devastators can be more devastating (badumtss) than a pack of hulks, depending on what devastators they are. If the "heavy" unit of a faction gets outperformed by common enemies, it's an obvious issue.
Another obnoxious enemy type is the berserker. As the name implies, they're a rage-crazed bot with only one directive: charge at you and kill you, no regard for its personal being. Which would be fine if they didn't have the health pool of a damn tank. One unit alone can eat an anti-tank projectile. And they typically spawns in packs of 4. Their weakspots don't even count as weakspots from what I can personally tell, shooting them in the head or the abdomen does about the same damage as just plain out shooting them. They're hard to kill at their core, and if they're backed up by support fire from the other enemy types behind them, you're pretty much helpless.
The rest of the enemy units are fine, in my opinion. They're well thought-out, with obvious counter-measure mechanics.
Hulks can be compared to Chargers. Heavy, tanky units at first, but mechanic rich enough to be an easy take-down once you figure out what you're doing. They have a giant heatsink which is where you have to shoot at regularly to take them out reliably. Not a weakspot might I add, just a point which you can shoot. Think Charger's butt. If you're a space cowboy shooting their tiny faceplate with anti-tank, or even medium penetration tools, can kill them as well. Lastly, just pumping them full of anti-tank projectiles (typically 2 rockets from any of the support weapons) will take them out just fine. There's other cool tricks you could pull off, such as throwing impact grenades between their feet, making them land behind the hulk, which would then take it out in 2 impact grenades if done right. Thermite grenades also deal a lot of damage to their legs, which can take them out too. Lastly, their arms can just be plain out shot off with the right tools. In conclusion, they are threatening at first, but once you use your brain to figure out its weakness, you're going to shrug them off.
Factory Striders are the Bile Titans of the Automatons. They are a bit less obvious but can still be handled decently well by a complete newbie. 2 miniguns on the front, shoot them off with medium penetration for easier kiting. Rocket the top cannon off for further success. Their big exposed abdomen is the obvious weakspot anyone can figure out. Shoot it enough and it'll die. For the more experienced, the front panel eye alongside the opening vents can also be points of advantage. Oh also can we talk about how they're a giant walking factory? Just bomb that bitch! 500kg, orbital precision strike, a regular airstrike, etc. It's a giant target just BEGGING you to throw stratagems at it.
Striders are simple as well. Big impenetrable front plate, completely exposed sides and back. A baby could do it!
Troopers are just fodder. Shoot 'em, they fall over.

Issue with dropships

If you played at least a few hours on the automaton front, you may know that the dropships can be shot down. However, when was the last time you saw that actually do anything?
The explosion deals too little damage, only sometimes killing the trooper units it's carrying. The body of the dropship itself seems to do no impact damage on the automatons, but loves to damage the shit out of you. The automatons also don't seem to care when they fall down 50 feet. Especially dropships with tanks. Shoot them down at the highest point of their drop, tank flies down at crazy velocity, lands with literally 0 damage to itself, then the dropships smacks on top of the tank doing fuck-all to it.
Oh and you can't forget the fact that the debris is solid cover FOR THE BOTS. You can't shoot through it. They can. They can also walk through it, you can't. ??????????

Issues with Automaton-specific side objectives

I will only bring up the ones that have actual issues behind them. If it isn't brought up here, then I personally believe it is fine.

• SEAF SAM Site

Barely does it's job. Shoots down one dropship per reinforcement, and as we learned earlier shooting the dropships down doesn't even do anything to begin with. Often times the rockets hit terrain as well. Completely pointless side-objective.

• Stratagem Jammer

Add some sort of indication to the spectating players when the person they're spectating is inside a jammer field, and therefore cannot reinforce them. Too many posts about too many people getting kicked for not reinforcing when they literally cannot.

• Mortar emplacement

WARNING YOU ARE IN RANGE OF ENEMY ARTILLERY WARNING YOU ARE IN RANGE OF ENEMY ARTILLERY WARNING YOU ARE IN RANGE OF ENEMY ARTILLERY WARNING YOU ARE IN RANGE OF ENEMY ARTILLERY oh my god SHUT UP!!!!

Bugs (not the Terminid kind)

The faction is riddled with way too many bugs, which just suck the fun out of it. Bots shooting through obviously solid cover, bots seeing you from across the map / through cover and then calling reinforcements, their seemingly 50/50 resistance to explosive damage, then other misc bugs not worth addressing.
This obviously drives people away. A terminid can't shoot me through a rock, I'd prefer fighting that terminid.

Conclusion of analysis; Solutions, final thoughts

The Automaton faction enemies & its mechanics at its core are fine, most enemies making complete sense. Most mechanics, while rich in function, are not very obvious. To play the faction well you need to invest some time into learning how it works. This deters the casual player back to the terminid front, which is a bit more brainless, requiring you just "hurr durr shoot bugs". Here's some solutions to consider:
Rework the devastator enemy type, specifically its specialists types:

• The rocket devastators shouldn't be able to spam their rockets as much as they do. I'd much prefer a larger barrage with a longer cooldown.
• Heavy devastators shouldn't be pin-point accurate if you're not moving / moving slowly. They do spread their shots out if you're moving, but it doesn't contribute all that much, you will still most likely take at least some hits. They're carrying a machine gun and shooting it from their hip with seemingly 0 precision. How is it that accurate?

The spawn rates of the specialist types could be reworked instead, allowing space for the default devastator instead rather than constantly spewing the specialist types. When was the last time you saw a dropship bring just normal devastators?
Please please please do something about berserkers. Lower their health pool. Maybe make the weakspots actually do something. Perhaps make them spawn less frequently if they're in the major enemy pool. Or, instead of that, make the packs smaller. They're a major ammo sink currently and by the time you're done killing them all the other enemies are already in your face.
Dropship crashes should actually do something. If I use up my support weapon's ammo to shoot down a dropship, I would want it to actually contribute to me destroying the bots, not just create a flashy explosion and extra 1-way cover for the bots.
SEAF SAM Site needs a rework of sorts. Make it always spawn on higher terrain, maybe buff its firerate (see actual SAM sites for reference), or keep the firerate as is if dropship crashes actually start doing something, instead improving its turn speed and lock-on speed. Primary issue is terrain though.
"oh yeah this spot is PERFECT for a SAM site!" said the seaf engineer after ordering it be built in a trench enclosed by cliffs from all 4 sides "what the hell is this" said the helldiver when stumbling upon it
Realistically speaking, the only people who perform well when fighting against Automatons are those who have tens of hours of experience on their belt alongside a team with similar skill level, using proper "meta" (god forbid) loadouts to properly counter the bot menace. The casual solo-queue player just crumbles.

Conclusion & Goodbyes

I may have missed some things, but I tried to grab everything problematic about the faction to the best of my ability. I will most likely not edit the post due to it already being gigantic. However any comments adding onto the post are obviously appreciated. :)
If you're here to find a tl;dr, don't bother. No way in hell I'm summarizing 11.5k+ worth of characters. Just read the analysis conclusion.
If you're here after reading everything above, thank you. I hope this was a fun read and brought attention to why you might not be having as much fun on automatons, maybe made you realize what needs to be done in order to counter the currently sluggish faction. I just hope I helped in some way.
If you're a developer, thank you for creating an amazing game. I've been in love with Helldivers 2 since the very start (upon finding it reaching sky-high popularity), enjoying every hour of gameplay. But just like with any game, it has its flaws, and I hope these are properly addressed. The community has been asking for changes, and I hope my post brought awareness to it.
Buh-bye!!!

Twice this week I drank wayyyy too much alcohol. 5 days ago it was a hard soda then a four loko, horrible 2 day hangover and that night was awful... Last night I had a roughly estimated 10 total shots of whiskey and rum, then two additional shots just to try out whiskey i have not tried before. I felt fine after the first 5 ish shots (waited 10 mins after last sip, not even tipsy), then had 5 shots of rum and the remaining two new-to-me whiskey shots. I felt okay, just tipsy 30 mins after the last sip. Within an hour I became horrifically drunk as all the alcohol finally built up...
I had a complete inability to think, focus, look straight, sit, walk, or crawl, and blinking gave me an instant headspin. I was so tired, no energy, not tired enough to pass out but I apparently had slight trouble breathing at some point. While crawling was an impossible task, I dragged myself over to my bed and rolled onto it. Using purely muscle memory I fired up my Xbox and opened YouTube. Focusing was obviously not something I was able to do, I selected whatever videos I wanted to see and just listened with my eyes mostly stuck to the ceiling. Having the audio playing was nice, since a complete lack of controllable stimulation would bore me out of my mind which is worsened when I am drunk. Due to headspins, which is when your vision and balance is swirling around (can be worsened with eyes shut), I could not sleep for 4 hours especially from how sick my body felt. I didn't have the best quality sleep but I slept for 9 and a half hours. The hangover was not as excruciating as what the Four Loko did to me, but I had digestive problems and a lack of appetite for most of the day.
IT IS NOT WORTH GETTING ANYWHERE NEAR BLACKOUT DRUNK! I cannot understand how people even want to be that drunk, I have no fun in not being able to do anything. I like being relaxed or moderately tipsy at most. Hangovers will ruin the next day(s) and potentially make you mentally unable to have alcohol for some time because that sickness is in the back of your mind, subconsciously keeping you away from your favorite whiskey.
In fact, I am at the late stage of my hangover where I am mostly recovered. I took a small sip of my whiskey and the alcohol going down my throat did not feel right, my brain is literally preventing me from drinking any more and I am not intoxicated. I'm going to have to temporarily switch to having lower alcohol drinks like beer and cider until my brain allows me to sip the whiskey.
If you are new to alcohol or are going to try alcohol for the first time, don't immediately try getting extremely drunk as it will ruin the experience. Find tasty drinks that won't fuck you up on their own (of course quantity matters a lot). Ciders, light beers, etc. are a good start. If something tastes bad to you, that's fine as the world of alcohol is seemingly endless. So far I have a handful of drinks I know I like from most categories. Have fun, don't get fucked up, and be responsible.
For those starting out, I like these and I believe they are drinks that most people agree are alright:
Light beers (lagers, one might be ale): Blue Moon (I haven't tried the "Light" version, just the regular), Heineken, Coors Light (bottled or on tap).
Ciders: Salt Creek Ciderhouse "Freedom", Portland Cider Original Gold, Helvetia Cider Oregon Blueberry.
The ciders are local brands, so if you're in Oregon see if your stores have these and give them a try.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk. Stay safe.

For context we have a 5 month old male lab, I currently don't work and partner works full time but can take pup with him . Currently we dog share where some days I'll look after pup, other days he goes to work with my partner. For practice because I'm starting new job in August. In general he's doing really well, we're happy with his training and temperament (although dreading adolescence). My issue is that my puppy won't settle by himself, which I know is normal for ones his age, but it's only with me. He will settle by himself when he's at work with my partner, at home with my partner and he settled at home when we left him with our friend for the day. Getting a bit of a complex that it is me somehow causing it but I'm not sure if and how I'm training this/encouraging it! His schedule with me is:
7:00- 7:30 am Wake up, outside for wee, food in a knotted tea towel
7:30 - 8:00 am chills with me and partner til he leaves for work
At this point if he goes with my partner to work where he has a crate. He goes out at 10:30 for half an hour and sometimes plays with other dogs in the garden and comes home for lunch 12-1, then back in office til 5. Spends the rest of the day either playing by himself or with my partner or chewing on something (sanctioned chew toys only) then he will just take himself to his crate for a sleep whenever, never seems to get overtired and is good as gold the whole day. My partner will leave him sporadically from 5mins to an hour for meetings etc
8:00-8:30/9am I'll play with him for 10 mins max nothing too strenuous because he's still digesting and I stop when he starts getting a bit rambunctious / over excited, then give him something to chew to calm him down a bit and do some job life admin etc. During this time pup becomes naughtier and naughtier, jumping on sofa, counter surfing, stealing shoes to the point where I know he's overtired. I put him in the crate where he passes out almost immediately for like 1-2 hours
10/10:30 am he wakes up and I take him for a walk, loose lead for 5 mins and then 20 mins of off lead sniffing etc. Halfway into the walk I'll sit down and do some down stays, and throughout the walk we do sporadic recalls and 'find its' to get his nose working. Then it's a 5 min loose lead walk home. I know he's tired and it's been hot so I give him a frozen carrot to chill inside and then he just starts get naughty again. I think, well he's only been up for 40 mins at this point but don't want to overstimulate. Some days I leave him by himself in the morning some days in the afternoon so he's used to it. If I leave him at this point in his ex pen I give him a long lasting king/licki matt and he will fall asleep v quickly, if I don't, he ramps up the naughtiness again and I pop him back in crate and he's straight to napping.
12/12:30 pm He wakes up, partner is home for lunch so we eat and chill with dog, he's being fine
1pm Lunch where I do training with his food, atm it's place training and we're doing the relaxation protocol on the matt (the Karen one) and then some other training like heel, sit, touch, recall etc never shows signs of frustration or confusion so I don't think it's too challenging. Maximum takes 10 mins
1:15- 2pm Let him digest his food for a bit, has a few toys but again don't wanna do too much but he starts getting naughty again, all the usual but now with humping me and jumping up and nipping at my clothes. I try being a statue and covering my face but it hurts when his claws get me and he's ruining my clothes. Crate him again and he's out like a light or I give him licki matt/Kong if I'm leaving him in the afternoon.
3/4pm He wakes up so either had 1-2 hours sleep, btw i always make sure he's properly awake (dog cam) and give him some time by himself to make sure he doesn't just need a longer sleep. I'll usually give him a chew because he's teething hard, I'll play with him for a bit (max 10 mins) and do some loose training where I just kind of reward him for chilling or not jumping on sofa (because he gets a look in his eyes where I know he wants to). I try and leave him to it while I do other stuff but he ramps up again to the point of overtiredness and so he goes back into crate, and again he is out.
5pm - 7:30 partner home, wait for pup to wake up then walk with same structure as my morning one, chill, food at 7 sometimes with training but if he seems tired or done we just give it as a licki bowl. Then he's usually out til 9:30, where he wakes up, we chill for an hour and he sits there chewing on a pig ear and then final wee before bed and sleeps through the night.
If I'm doing something wrong please can you tell me what it is / how to rectify. If you haven't got any advice can I please just have some reassurance that it will improve as he leaves puppy hood, even if it's past adolescence idm I just can't cope with the idea that I can never have a dog I can just chill with. It gets really frustrating and I am getting some resentment towards him. I know it's not his fault but I can't help but feel so upset when I try and just relax with him and I end up with scratches all over my legs and holes in my clothes. I know I'm lucky that this is my only bug bearer because it's normal not to be able to settle but I need to know if I'm doing something wrong / causing it somehow.

Wade held Jasmine in his arms as he flew a low height down the long road to another section of the staryard, Tina on his back and Nathan and F right behind them in the air. Together, the five glided across the base grounds, taking care as to not irritate the aerial security during their search for the meeting room. Being outside for the flight, the group considered it a blessing that Wade's 'enhanced cooling unit' allowed his body to tolerate the breaching sun in the still cloudy sky, which, according to F, was dangerous to drones like her due to the inefficient cooling she and disassembly drones like her suffered from. Given F's physical fault, she had to fly under shady areas in order to safely traverse the base at day.
Originally, Wade and his friends had planned to walk to the meeting zone, but after running into a trooper experiencing a health mishap, the group did what they could to help the distressed officer. By the time he was brought to the medical ward by other soldiers, Wade found that him and his team would be at least a few minutes late if they kept on their way with their walk.
Deciding to speed things up, Wade, understanding the concern for performing such an effort, opted to carry the Fowleys around the base to the meeting area. Reluctantly, F decided to come along, carrying Nathan in a similar manner that Wade was carrying Jasmine. Taking notice of the time on his HUD, which read, "9:47 AM", Wade scouted for the building he and his friends were directed to. "8072" He said to himself, the number being for the building that would house the imminent meeting.
"They said it was down here, right?" Wade asked aloud to Tina before stopping himself in mid-air, the girl holding onto him tightly as he tried to speak over the growing sound of a retrofit Apache flying overhead.
Looking about, Tina nodded as she spotted the target building. "Yes, I believe that's the one over there!" Pointing past his head, Wade followed her finger to a large building ahead at his right. The structure was moderately tall, only about two stories high, with several soldiers and officers going in and out of the building. Wade smiled as he noticed the target number, as well as the big, bold words describing the building's designation. "8072, Briefing Center B"
"Good eye, honey. Hang on!" Continuing his low glide, Wade zoomed towards the building's entrance before stopping just meters above the ground, his two friends close behind as they slowed down as well. The troopers around them initially looked startled by the sudden arrival of Wade and his group, but quickly regained their composure as Wade hovered still above them.
"At ease! Just visitors." One of the soldiers declared as they identified the newcomers, who touched down before Wade let Jasmine down to her feet, Tina hopping onto the ground along with her.
Putting his hands up, Wade apologized for his swift surprise. "Sorry for the scare, we got delayed for a meeting we're invited to."
The soldier gave an understanding nod as he replied to the former worker drone sternly. "I can see that, just be a bit more careful next time, Mr. Carter. You gave the boys here quite a scare."
Wade returned the gesture in embarrassment as F put a hand to his back, chuckling at his efforts as Tina questioned the officer. "Is Mrs. J in there? She's the one who called for us."
The guard gave his reply as Wade and Tina pulled out their IDs for clearance. "Yes she is, Miss. The meeting's set to begin in under ten minutes." Checking the two drones' IDs, Jasmine and the others pulled out theirs as well, the watchman motioning another trooper over to verify the group. Once the guard finished checking the five's cards, he nodded in approval as the watchman spoke once more. "You're clear to enter."
"Thank you Sir, again, sorry about that spook back there." Wade replied with a smile as the trooper gave one of his own, the disassembly drone and his allies making their way towards the office door before stopping upon the call of a voice.
"Hey, Felice!" Wade turned to find the origin of the voice, F doing the same as the two quickly spotted a quartet of soldiers walking excitedly towards F. The disassembly drone glanced to her friends with a smile before turning back to the approaching entourage.
Wade examined the four troops as they got closer: Two human men, one woman, and a male worker drone. One of the male soldiers had short, blonde hair, and a small scar to the right side of their face. The second man bore a tan skin tone and had black hair, with blue strips that went down slightly in a mullet style. The woman bore a set of long, dark green hair, with the hair going down and over her left shoulder. As for the worker drone, he wore the standard green soldier helmet, single eye visor and all. He had no hair on him from what Wade could tell, and bore a pair of whiteish purple eyes on his visor.
As F walked over to the soldiers, the same one that called to her spoke again. "Felicity, I didn't expect to see you around here today! Where you been?"
The girl soldier interrupted his initial chatter. "Hang on Carlos, do you even know if she remembers us?"
"Aye, don't she have one o' them memory locks, or sumthin?" The drone added in a heavy Scottish accent.
F waved her hand as she replied to the group. "Easy, everyone. Thankfully I still got my memories, courtesy of my technician back at Central." Lowering her hand, F let down her usual persona as she gave a wide smirk to the soldiers, clearly pleased to see them. "Good to see you guys around here."
The soldiers gave light cheers to F as they all embraced her, the group having a surprise reunion as Wade and the others watched in surprise. These must've been F's old colleagues from when she was in the service, Wade thought. Quite the coincidence for them to be here at this base of all places.
Not bothering with the convenience of the matter, Wade shook the thought off as he and his friends watched F and her old friends breaking the hug, Tina wrapping an arm around her boyfriend as the second male human spoke to her in what the two discerned as Spanish. "Ay, who your new friends, F?"
"Oh, these guys?" F replied in the same language, quietly startling Wade and the others as they had never heard her speak like that until now. Glancing over to Wade, F motioned him and the others to come over. "Everyone, these are some friends I made in the past few days. Wade, Nathan, Tina, and Jasmine." She pointed her hand to the four as she said each of their names. "I met the boys here during my time on Ceres. Jasmine and Tina here are sisters."
The four soldiers gave various forms of excitement, ranging from hearty laughs to low woops and even a whistle from one of the guys. As F stood next to her old teammates, they each introduced themselves to Wade and his friends. The blonde soldier went first. "Well, it's a pleasure to meet you all, name's Carlos, Lieutenant Marksman."
"I'm Private Alvaros, good with close-range and stealth operations." Said the tan soldier with a salute.
"Sergeant Lucia Vasquez, usually the one who leads this bunch around these days." The female warrior stated with a humorous smirk.
"And Corporal Duncan Wallace, at your service!" The soldier drone stated proudly as he saluted to the bunch in front of him, who gave warm smiles as Wade shook his hand.
"Quite honored to meet you all, seems you have quite the history with F." The former worker drone said as Carlos patted F on her back.
"Oh, we do! She's the one who took charge when we didn't! Did you all hear of the Pasting of Nola VI?" Jasmine and Tina gave nods of affirmation while Wade, not as familiar with such history, held his hand up in a questioning manner.
"I think, wasn't that the battle where the Navy just barely held the outpost in that system? From the Stryker Clan?" Wade asked as Carlos nodded approvingly to him.
"That's right, and if Felice weren't there, WE would've been the ones getting pasted!" Carlos' statement brought victorious cheers and "oorahs" from the group, F letting a blush loose as she chuckled at her team's praise of her efforts.
"Well, that's not wrong." Although she didn't want to break off from her friends and discuss the past few years since they'd last met, F remembered the briefing. Clearing her throat, she continued. "And as much as I'd like to chat about the good times, I've been called to a meeting here, as have Wade and his crew."
The soldier group gave understanding looks to F as Lucia spoke up. "Thought so, Carl here was real eager to see you, though."
"Maybe we can talk after the meeting?" Nathan proposed as the soldiers collectively nodded in agreement, F readying a smartcomm attachment before turning to face her friends again.
"We're probably getting low on time, you all go in, I'll catch up in a sec." Wade nodded in acknowledgement before taking Tina's hand, the lover drones continuing towards the briefing center as Jasmine and Nathan followed behind them.
Passing through the door, the four guests observed a short hallway, which seemed to split into two paths as they came closer to the other end. Looking to a sign on the wall above, they saw arrows pointing to two separate areas, "Primary Briefing Room; Main Lobby + Secondary & Tertiary" Going to the right, they entered the moderately active lobby, several officers walking and standing about in mass chatter. Walking over to the desk up against the wall to their left, Wade and his group waved a hand to the occupying attendant.
"Welcome, what do you need?" The desk attendant asked as Tina raised a finger to reply.
"We're here for a meeting, Mrs. J called us here."
The attendant nodded in understanding before directing an arm towards the other end of the room, where a single door stood. "She should be in the second briefing room down that way."
"Thank you." Tina replied warmly before she and Wade began walking towards the door, their friends behind them as they proceeded into the room.
The room beyond the door was quite sizable, a large circular table occupying the middle with several chairs surrounding it. The walls went up a few meters, with four whiteish blue lights illuminating the room. On the wall opposite to Wade and Tina were three monitor screens, all of which showed the USN in bright blue. In several of the seats were faces both familiar and unfamiliar, several men and women in varying styles of uniforms conversing about quietly or taking notice of the recent visitors. Standing up near the monitors were three people: A decorated officer whom Tina identified as a ship captain, and the so-called operatives, Tessa, albeit as a hologram, and J.
Walking slowly into the room, Wade gave a low wave of his hand as he tried to hide his nervousness. Noticing his shyness in front of the officers, Tina held his hand and rubbed his arm comfortingly while returning a pleasant smile to the staff in the room.
"Ah, Wade, Tina. Glad to see you all here." J stated with a smile as she scanned the group, raising a digital eyebrow as she noticed one missing guest. "Or, most of you, I see. Did F run off somewhere?"
Wade shook his head as he replied to his fellow disassembly drone. "Oh, no. She just ran into some old friends, she should be back-"
"Right now." F finished aloud as she entered the room, seemingly having heard Wade speaking about her absence. The warrior drone fast walked to Wade's team, taking a seat near them as they prepared to do the same. "Not too late, are we?"
"Not at all." The standing officer answered as the group took their seats, Wade and Tina sitting next to each other as they got comfortable. The captain examined the lot for a moment, glancing to J as he asked about them. "So, these are the ones you helped rescue from the Mojave?"
"Yes Captain, and they helped us out greatly in turn. This is Wade Carter, one of the captured drones whom became a disassembly drone before we could mount the rescue. The luckiest one, if you ask me." Motioning her arm over the others, she continued. "And there's his girlfriend, Mrs. Tina Fowley, and her sister Jasmine." Smirking to F and Nathan, she finished her friends' introductions. "And these two are Serial Designation F and Mr. Nathan, whom I've heard were once under your ranks."
The military captain gave a welcoming smile to the five as they returned the gesture, eyeing F and Nathan specifically before speaking to them. "Indeed they were, we still have records on their contributions to the colonies." Eyeing F, he continued. "Though, in Mrs. F's case, I won't blame her if she doesn't remember us. We've been very well aware of JCJenson's 'memory suppression' protocols when it comes to their DDs."
F laid back in her seat with a smug look as she replied to her former superior. "Well, my friend on the station's a good tech gal. She's... waived that hindrance from me."
"I see, that means your still with us, am I right, Mrs. Lee?" Unlike her friends next to her, F was not startled by her original name being said aloud, rather smiling proudly as she saluted to the captain. "Good to see you again."
"Pleased to be here, Sir." F replied as she lowered her arm, glancing to her companions next to her as J spoke up.
"Everyone, I'd like you to meet Captain Preston Mitchell, commander of the USNV Vickers down at the stardock."
Wade gave a respectful salute to Preston as he spoke first. "It's an honor to meet you, Sir."
"Thank you, Mr. Carter. I've heard about your efforts from J, you did an admirable job back there, son." Wade failed to hide an embarrassed blush from the compliment, but it quickly faded as a beep sounded from a small device on the table. It was swiftly silenced by the captain as he tapped a button on the small, pyramid shaped timer, then facing Wade's group before continuing. "Though, as much as we could use some small talk, it'll have to wait till later."
"Indeed, we're running late at this point." Said another officer, a highly decorated member of the base with dark skin, dark grey hair and a thin beard. He immediately won the attention of everyone in the room as he spoke up. "I'm General Hugh Hood, overseer of this base. I'm certain you know some of the reasons you're here with us, correct?"
Wade nodded as he spoke to Hood. "Yeah, it's cause of those rogue agents from the JCJenson corporation." Glancing to J, the corporate drone nodded in affirmation before speaking herself.
"Tessa and I spent the last hours of yesterday evening clearing up the matter with General Hood, along with several other officials stationed here." She stopped as the middle monitor behind her flashed with a banner at the top, reading, "INCOMING TRANSMISSION", and in place of the USN emblem was a textless version of the JCJenson logo. Below the profile image was another two lines of text. "N. Jenson (Company Exec); Comms Source: Yottrite IV"
"And also told our boss about what happened here too, he wanted to give his say on this ordeal." Looking to the general, J asked him, "May I put him on?"
Hood only gave a nod of approval to the corporate drone before she picked up a remote on the table and tapped a button, accepting the call as the picture shifted to show a middle-aged man in a pristine-looking business suit on the screen.
Wade and Tina glanced to each other before J introduced their guest on the screen. "Ladies and Gentlemen, the CEO of JCJenson: Mr. Noor Jenson."
Jenson gave a pleased nod to his subordinate as he spoke to J. "Thank you for the pleasantries, J. I see we are ready to discuss our plans on dealing with this 'recall' disaster I've bore witness to on the news this morning?"
J nodded as she replied to her boss. "Indeed, I've explained to General Hood here about our efforts yesterday, and, as of recent, we've just received a message from a source we believe to be close to the company."
Mr. Jenson looked down to J attentively as he spoke to her. "Well, that's quite intriguing news, J. Do you have this message available for us to view?" J and Hood both nodded in affirmation, but didn't get an immediate reply as Jenson gazed to Wade and his friends. "...And I presume these are some of the drones rescued from one of the factories?"
Again, J nodded to her superior before explaining her colleagues. "Yes Mr. Jenson, the two drones at the front in particular were among those taken by the Administrator and their subordinates." Pointing an arm to Wade and Tina, she introduced the drone couple. "The disassembly drone here is Mr. Wade Carter, a brother to his-technically speaking-owner, the late Ron Carter. The latter helped us recover Wade during an initial raid inside the Nevada facility." When bringing up Ron, J gave an apologetic look to Wade as to show she did not mean to be offending on him and his brother's relationship. "And this is his romantic partner, Mrs. Tina Fowley. I heard she and her sister Jasmine are pilots."
Jenson looked over the two drones as his obedient employee described them to him, quietly sighing as Wade and Tina returned the gaze with nervous smiles. Once J finished, Jenson spoke to Wade. "I... would say it's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Carter. But, given recent events, I don't hold fault to you for feeling frustrated at me for my... former subordinate's actions."
Wade shook his head lightly, taking Jenson's light apology with a faint smile as he replied to the CEO. "Actually, I don't. The only person I have such feelings put towards is," He hesitated for a moment, his anger at Dr. Halloway returning for a short moment before he eased himself. "..That bastard Halloway."
"The feeling's mutual, Mr. Carter. Dr. Halloway has been trying my patience for years now, especially with you and your fellow disassembly drones." Looking to J, then F, he returned his gaze to Wade before questioning him on his new body. "I don't know if J has told you of this, but if there's one truth my company has admittedly not held up to for a while, it's our quality. Recently, some of my research staff here made blueprints for an upgraded variant of the disassembly drone design. It's intended to fix several faults we expected to be nonexistent previously, most notably that atrocious cooling unit."
As a schematic pulled up on the left monitor, everyone glanced to the improved design before F spoke up about it. "If I may ask, Mr. Jenson, how big of an improvement is this new cooling unit supposed to be?"
"Good question, F. Frankly, it's supposed to do away with the issue entirely. Saves us from sacrificing enormous supplies of oil for the poorly built unit in the previous iterations. We even tested it with a repaired drone just a few days ago, and it worked flawlessly." Then, glancing to Wade again, he questioned the former worker drone on his new form. "Speaking of, how does your enhanced body feel, Mr. Carter? I'm certain it feels better to not have to-"
"Actually, Mr. Jenson," Wade interrupted, pulling out one of his canteens as he answered the CEO on his upgrades. "I guess Halloway changed up the blueprints, cause unfortunately this new cooling unit didn't cure the overheating problem. I... kinda learned that the hard way." Wade glanced to Tina apologetically, still feeling bad from her seeing him eat the corpse of the dead murder drone back at the factory.
The corporate CEO grimaced in frustration as he took in Wade's statement, already intolerant of the head researcher's actions as he replied. "...I was worried about that, Edgar always likes to run things his own way, making excuses for that 'Administrator' he watches over." Taking an agitated breath, he continued on with his spew on the two culprits of yesterday's events. "It was only because of all the very impressive creations and enhancements she and her research team provided that I tolerated them for so long, but this..." Sitting up straight in front of the camera, Jenson finished sternly. "J said the Administrator... Cyn, I believe? She was apparently something worse than we presumed originally, and I'm very inclined to believe so after yesterday."
"As well as the program tied to the Administrator, the AbsoluteSolver." J clarified before receiving an agreeing nod from Mr. Jenson, standing corrected on his placing of blame.
Raising a hand, Nathan asked about the supposed plans. "Yeah, about this "Solver Project", what do we plan to do about that?"
"Good question, Nate." Tessa replied as she crossed her arms before looking to Jenson and beginning her explanation. "Initially, we were going to investigate the other factories spread across Earth in order to get some more info on the Administrator before things get worse. But, just this morning, it seems someone else saved us the trouble." Just as Tessa neared the end of her sentence, J held up the remote again, tapping a few buttons before the left monitor shifted to show a slightly grainy video onscreen.
The video only showed a single being, a worker drone, dressed in a chrome suit and bearing a set of yellow eyes. Behind them was what appeared to be a vacant room, a few shelves holding many books within them standing still in the back. The drone's visage indicated they were filled with immense anxiety, terrified of being caught as they spoke quietly to the camera.
"I can only hope someone gets this in time, they're gonna be on me once they find out the transmitter screens are down!" Turning the camera, he showed what appeared to be a large factory room, several more of the mysterious conveyor belts like at the factory slotted next to each other. It was hard to discern every detail due to not only the window reflection, but also the dark lighting in the inactive conveyor room. Filming the room beyond, the drone continued. "Dr. Halloway's a madman, he's got more of those stolen drones being brought here and he's going to be overseeing it in the afternoon tomorrow! I've seen what happened back in Nevada, I can't take this any longer! I'm at coordinates ##.######, -###.###### Please, send someo-"
The suspicious, partially scrambled transmission immediately cut off to static, leaving Wade, Tina, and their friends with confused expressions as Tessa spoke up. "Yeah, that caught me by surprise too."
"So, that guy says they got more drones being sent 'there', but... where is there, exactly?" Jasmine asked with immense curiosity.
"I was hoping you'd ask that, Mrs. Fowley." The technician replied as she glanced to J, who tapped a few more buttons on the remote before speaking over her boss-friend.
"While the transmission itself isn't much to work off of, our friends from Comms over here managed to intercept the signal earlier, and even better, discern where it originated from." As J started her explanation, the screen shifted once more to show a large city, with one skyscraper highlighted in red as it was zoomed towards on the screen. "That scrambled audio wasn't a simple glitch, it was intentionally done so as to hide key information for us to uncover. Upon cleaning up the message, we managed to recover a set of coordinates, which direct to this structure here, in San Francisco."
Wade and his friends stared at the building in shock, examining the tall structure as it stood over the shorter buildings in the city. Tina broke the silence in her gaze. "So, this is another factory? It looks... terribly different from the one we got out of."
"Not exactly, Mrs. Fowley." Mr. Jenson answered, Tina and the others looking to him as he continued. "THAT is the Administrator's main laboratory, its location was kept on the down low so other authorities and terrorist groups wouldn't find out what the buildings true purpose was." Sighing, Jenson completed his reply. "But, with this recent mistake of Halloway's, that place has lost all purpose for us at the company."
Wade raised a hand to speak. "So, we're going to pounce on that place? Get Halloway before he runs off again?"
"Exactly." General Hood replied as he looked up to Mr. Jenson. "This whole 'recovery/recruitment' effort has gotten out of hand all across Sol. We've gotten countless reports of people being killed because of this, be it the brutal robberies here in Nevada or the bloodbath on Ceres. Even if Mr. Jenson refuses to cooperate, this has become a dire matter for us now. One way or another, this insanity will be stopped with due haste."
The CEO nodded in acknowledgement before explaining his own plans for the mission. "Speaking of cooperation, upon seeing what was happening at Earth, I ordered a detachment of our corporate starships in orbit at the time to depart for Sol in order to help with investigating the situation. They're not warships, but they are well-armed. I'll dispatch them to your authority upon concluding this call." Glancing to Wade and his team for a moment, Jenson continued. "As for the mission, I may not have much of a say, but let it be known that you have my blessing to do whatever it takes to end this madness. I don't care what you do with Halloway or any of his lackeys, or what happens to that facility down there... I want that program shut down."
"Thank you for the extra hands, Mr. Jenson. We'll make sure this Administrator is dealt with." Hood replied gratefully as Wade sat firm in his seat, Tina and the others following suite.
"General?" The former worker drone said aloud, catching Hood's attention before he made his request. "I know I'm not a soldier, but I want to help with dealing with Halloway and his grunts. After what he did, after losing my brother, I can't rest until I see that man stopped."
Tina raised a finger as well. "As do I, Wade could use a hand with those people, and given how we did during our escape run out of that place, I think the two of us make quite the duo." She glanced to Wade with a smirk as she referenced their combat prowess when flying together.
Nathan and F stood up before the latter gave her own request. "Sir, I wish to take part in this mission as well. I can also recommend Wade for you too, as I fought alongside him during the factory raid."
"Wouldn't mind giving a hand myself! And I'm sure my pal Kurtis would love to help, he's here at the base too!" Nathan added with a confident smirk, the group's determination encouraging Jasmine to stand up as well.
"I'd like to help too." She stated simply, a smile on her face as the general and his companions observed the five guests.
Admittedly, Hood knew it would be a bit absurd to allow these people to take part in an operation which would certainly involve bloodshed, especially considering most of them merely had civilian status at the moment. But, upon careful evaluation of the five, their desire to see this problem dealt with, and the fact that some of them had experience on the field...
He paused his train of thought as Captain Mitchell spoke to him. "General? I read up on the Fowleys' files when we recovered Mrs. Jasmine here, they provided service in their early careers." He smirked to the pilot sisters as he finished adding his say. "And to be frank, we need more people like them here. The records we have of them showed them to be damn fine pilots."
Tina blushed at the praise from Mitchell as she spoke to the general. "That is true, we uh... did get discharged for our... 'fancy maneuvering'."
"Sir?" Jasmine said, the general's attention on her as she added to the conversation. "Even if our flying is a bit out of protocol, Tina saved a lot of people on that starjet a few days back. I can promise you, she's an excellent woman to have at the wheel."
Glancing to Wade again, Hood took in his face, one of begging desperation as he spoke once more. "Please, Sir. My brother, the troops he brought from the Coalition, Halloway's gotten them all killed cause of this. I want to do this. I HAVE to do this, at least for them."
The good general took a deep, quiet breath, considering his decision once more before finally revealing it to Wade and his friends. "Mr. Carter, Fowleys? I'm probably making myself a fool for saying this, but you're permitted to assist us in this mission."
The drone couple contained their gratefulness in the form of ecstatic grins as Wade replied to the general. "Thanks, General. We won't let you down."
"And Mrs. Lee?" Hood said as he glanced to F, who returned the gesture as he told her, "You're technically under Mr. Jenson's authority, whatever his answer is, it's mine as well."
Bringing her yellow-orange eyes to her CEO, F awaited Mr. Jenson's answer. "F, yes? I heard Mr. Hood call you by a different name just now, I assume you have some experience with the army?"
The warrior drone nodded as she explained herself. "I once inherited the name of Felicity Lee, Mr. Jenson. I served under the USN Defense Forces before joining the DD Division." Then, glancing to the military staff near her, she finished with, "I had hoped to provide my enhancements to the Force one day."
Jenson gave a hint of a proud smile as he finally gave his decision. "Well, it seems you'll finally get that chance. From now on, even after this mission on Earth is over with, you're hereby dispatched to serve under the USN."
F admittedly couldn't hide her excited smirk as she flung a salute to her now former boss. "Thank you Sir!"
Looking up to Jenson, General Hood asked the CEO, "Mr. Jenson, how long until your ships can reach Earth?"
Jenson glanced down at his communication console as he answered the military leader. "At max speed, their Ion drives should be able to bring them into orbit in as little as one to two days. I believe there should be some ships within the system that could help as well."
"Signal them when you can, Mr. Jenson. We could use all the help we can get from them." The CEO nodded to Hood as he stood firmly to the viewer, the general turning to face Wade and his colleagues. "And Mr. Carter? We'll be mobilizing our forces immediately after this meeting concludes. It'll be a minute, but I want you to gather whatever items and belongings you'll need for this operation. Be ready to head to the flight pads in no more than three hours."
"Understood Sir!" Wade said with a salute, Tina, Jasmine and Nathan giving their own as Jasmine raised a finger.
"What about the area around the lab? That place looks like it's in the middle of the city."
J raised a finger as she told Jasmine and the others about their resolution of the civilian obstacle. "Shortly after reporting our findings on the transmission, Hood told us that they were sending in some teams to clear out the civilian population within several miles of the facility. Once we get there, it should be of no concern."
Jasmine sighed in relief as Tina spoke up. "So the people should be safe from any sort of danger?"
"Correct, Mrs. Tina." Preston answered before continuing. "Given the resistance Halloway and his men showed during the Coalition's raid, they most certainly won't hold back there."
"One more thing, Sir." Nathan asked. "The Coalition's going to help us out with this too, right?"
"You can count on it, Mr. Nathan." The Vickers' captain replied as he looked to J, then to Jenson as he spoke further. "I met the leader of the Coalition's detachment working with us when I was introduced to J and Mrs. Elliott here, they intend to see this conflict finished. I highly doubt they're willing to sit back and let us do this by ourselves."
"And their help will be much appreciated." Hood added, everyone's attention returned to him as he looked to Tessa, curious eyes scanning her holographic form. "And Mrs. Elliott, if I may. Do you mind heading down here to assist us in our investigations later on?"
"Funny you say that, General. I'm almost done with my own snooping around on the JCJ up in orbit, Cyn has some small departments of hers aboard, and I thought I'd gather some more intel before coming down." Glancing to Mr. Jenson, she saw him giving an understanding nod before returning her gaze to the military staff. "I should be down there by the evening, judging by where you're located."
"Do what you must, Mrs. Elliott. We could use whatever you find." Hood replied firmly as he turned once more to the JCJenson CEO. "Thank you for your time, Mr. Jenson. We will get to the bottom of this."
"It's my pleasure, General." Glancing to J and Tessa, he spoke to them once more. "J? Contact me when you've finished with Halloway and his Administrator."
"It'll be done, Mr. Jenson." The obedient servant answered before saluting firmly, receiving a final nod from her boss before he ended the transmission.
With their off-world guest out of the way, Hood looked to Wade and his friends, J, Tessa and Captain Mitchells sharing the gaze with them as the general spoke to them in finality. "Well, you know what comes next everyone. You're all dismissed for now. And remember, landing zone by 1300."
"We'll be there Sir." Wade said with a nod as he and his friends stood up, pushing in their chairs before making their way out to the door.
As they neared it, Wade stopped for a moment as they heard Hood call to one of his friends. "And F?" The soldier drone looked to the general as he continued. "Before we depart, would you mind changing your uniform? I believe it could help with identifying you from the other disassembly drones more easily." Glancing to J, then back to F, he finished with, "I recall hearing about the most formidable drones having clones prepared, yes?"
"Correct, Sir. I'll stop by the nearest barracks while I can." F replied before turning back to the door with her colleagues, Wade opening the door for them all as they passed through. After them, Wade passed through himself, shutting the door to the meeting room as he returned to the lobby.
Walking about together, F spoke to Wade and the others. "Well, that went smoothly. I'll be heading down to the barracks, then head over to your place to help out."
"Actually," Wade replied, raising a finger up as he asked his fellow murder drone, "You think you could bring your friends over? We could get to know each other while we're getting ready."
F glanced to Nathan with a smile before returning her eyes to Wade. "I could see about that. You're gonna like them, I can promise you that."
Taking Tina's hand, Wade walked with his girlfriend alongside Jasmine and the others, nearing the hallway they came through as they prepared for the walk back to the apartment.

I (27M) broke up with my recent boyfriend (27M) because of some seemingly petty reasons that ultimately made me fall out of love with him. We were on and off for about 2 years. He’d always seek me out and promise to try the things I wanted.
We were too different as well with completely different tastes in music, I’m a movie buff he’s not, I love making friends he doesn’t. Also he’s this person you can’t trust to keep anything you leave at his house. Be it shoes, clothes or electronics.
He had a regular average body with a big bubble butt which I was obsessed with but his big sexy hairy butt turned out to be a big insecurity for him being that were from an extremely homophobic country so it made him feel too seen so he always resorted to wearing baggy clothes. Even with how much I worshipped his butt (and huge calves) , it never really changed anything about his attitude.
I go to the gym at least 3 times a week, I’m always horny, I’m in decent shape and he loved that but for some reason but he was not experimental enough with sex and it was always about foreplay, blowjobs and jerking off. He never let me eat his ass or play with it.
He never showed any interest in ravaging me and turning me upside down which are things I always wanted to do to him and have him do to me. I’m vers and love new sexual experiences and experimenting but he always said no. I respected this and just had to take my sexual frustration and break up with him.

Hi guys, let me explain my question. For context, I am male, 24 years old, and weigh 151 kg/332 lbs. Usually doing OMAD with a 48 hour fast once a week. Over the weekend, I was on vacation and did a lot of walking. Normally, I barely have to walk and work is very sedentary. My GF is very supportive in my weight loss journey and we decided to have a short over-the-weekend vacation where we'd walk way more than I would do in my normal life. And I loved it! On the first day, I walked 10.71 km, and on the second day, it was 8.19 km. For me, this is a big contrast compared to my usual workday or weekend and it felt amazing.
As for eating, I wasn't too hungry so quantity-wise I ate very little. On Saturday, I ate a currywurst with fries and a cone of ice cream. On Sunday, I had a pizza and another cone of ice cream. As for drinks, I had a single glass of Pepsi Max over the course of the weekend, everything else was water. I fasted at least 16 hours.
On the first day, I burned over 1000 calories through walking, and on the second day, it was over 800. Now I know that the food I ate isn't healthy at all and I didn't mind too much because a) we were on vacation and b) I was moving a lot, sweating a lot and burning calories so I thought there was no way I'd gain weight from this. Nevertheless, I gained 200 grams. How can this be? Admittedly, I didn't drink a great amount really. Could this just be water holding on to my body? I normally drink around 4 liters a day whereas over the weekend, it was probably more like 1 - 1.5 liters a day.
Thank you in advance!

The world conspired in the best of ways to bless me with a whole bunch of new games at once and I happened to be able to get in a lot of plays quickly with them.
Always get an idea of who's talking before you take anything away from these reviews/impressions. Maybe we're really different people. I've been in the hobby for 10+ years. I've played a lot of games. I love interactive and mechanically unique games. I worship Reiner Knizia. Some of my favorite games are Tigris and Euphrates, Spirit Island, Race for the Galaxy, Agricola, Battle Line, and Oath. My favorite games of last year were Stationfall, Ra (reprint), and Zoo Vadis.
Okay, let's go!
Cascadito/Cascadero - Is this a Pokemon Red/Blue scenario? No! There's room for both halves of this pair of Knizias in a collection. I think Cascadero is the better game, but Cascadito slides onto our table more easily. I'm a bit of a believer in the Moneyball theory of games (does the game "get on base" (to the table)?) so, that matters!
Cascadero - 4 plays at 2 players - First, the production is perfect. Svelte box that's easy to pack, wooden pieces, great graphic design with built in rules reminders by Ian O'Toole, and a striking cover make this a joy to play. If you enjoy the general waves hands of Irish Gauge, you're going to love how this looks.
Cascadero requires a little patience, but I think I'm starting to see a heart of gold down in there. As a Knizia tile-layer, right away, this game is, unfortunately, going to get compared to some of the greatest games ever made. Games like Through the Desert, Samurai, Babylonia, etc. I say unfortunately, because I don't think you'll love this game on the first play. That's because I think the default/starter side of the board is less interesting. If you're familiar with games, do yourself a favor and flip to the farmer side as soon as possible. Even then, Cascadero is subtle. When played best, it's a quiet maneuvering of cubes up to just the right spots on tracks with pieces on the board in all the right places that build a little lattice of opportunity. Not just one combo ready to score, but a set of circumstances that hedge on an opponent's move. Paths are everywhere, and you're using them in just the right ways to get across a double score gap or to slip into a fold in the track that gives an extra bonus. I feel like the review circuit doesn't usually play games enough times to appreciate this one, and maybe it's subtle to a fault. It isn't great when you hear "it gets good on game 4", but I'm four games in and usually that's the point where I'm bored of most games. With this one I'm excited to play more.
Cascadero is great!
Cascadito - 5 plays at 2 players - Do you like My City? Do you like My City: Roll and Build? I do. I probably wouldn't list them in my favorite games, but they are such great weeknight-with-the-partner games that I appreciate them all the same. Cascadito isn't billed as a campaign game, but rather as four maps. Maybe a 4 game campaign doesn't sound long enough, but I'm busy. 4 games sounds like something I can do. If you've played Cascadero, map 1 is the less interesting version of that game. Stick with it though! Like My City, you get the joy of seeing Knizia riff on an idea. We enjoyed each subsequent map more and more and we could see ourselves replaying #3 and especially #4. In fact, on map 4 we kept looking at each other's sheets during the game - on a roll and write! I like that.
Cascadito is good!
Spectral - 6 plays at 2 players - I'm pretty picky about deduction games, especially as board games. As someone who has put hundreds of hours into Picross and sudoku I need there to be a good reason why I'm using my precious time with my friends on something that is usually so solitary. So far, I've really only liked The Search for Planet X. While it isn't known as a particularly interactive game, my friends and I have played it so competitively that we look for any scrap of information that might give us the edge, and the publishing system cranks up the incentive to take some leaps of faith in a tight race.
When I heard about Spectral I was excited - an interactive, bidding based logic puzzle - cool! Six games later, I haven't really figured out how to interact with my opponent. While The Search for Planet X has clear moments of intention to watch for (publishing papers), it's really hard to tell when your opponent is acting with intention or just exploring in Spectral. You also don't have those little clues like what your opponent is scanning for or researching like in Planet X to build some kind of theory around. The game is a breeze to play, yet barely leaves room to grapple. So maybe the interaction isn't super strong, but how's the logic puzzle?
Boring. Imagine playing sudoku, but the logic restrictions were only for rows and not also columns, or within squares. You can do some deduction with the curse cards, but the treasure cards (12 of the 16) are all essentially equally informative and don't allow for much in the way of chains of deduction. You can do a little bit with probabilities of where treasures are likely to overlap, but it rarely feels worth it to pursue when finding curses provides a much more reliable benefit.
I want to be wrong about this game. Please, someone argue this one with me.
Spectral is okay. If you play it once or twice, I think you'll have a good time, but I don't see it having legs.
Slay the Spire - I've had this game for less than a month and I think I've put in maybe 50 hours at the table with it at this point. I've played with people who have 1000s of hours in Slay the Spire - they have loved it. I've played with people who have never played Slay the Spire - I see them playing Slay the Spire on Steam the next day and asking when they can next come over. People who usually duck out of a game night at 10pm are still at the table at 1am.
I was really worried it would be bad. I wondered, why not just play the digital game? But here I am, holding the box and knowing without a doubt, this object sparks joy. Have you ever experienced a solitary piece of media, obsessed over it, and then gotten a chance to experience it together with other fans? Maybe something like watching Game of Thrones with friends after reading the books. It feels great to share in something you've loved. That's how Slay the Spire has felt. But it's not just that, as evidenced by the friends that have never played the digital game and still loved it. It's just a damn good deck builder, and the whole system of knowing exactly what the enemies are going to do before they do it goes over so well here. It's so apparent that this translation was a labor of love and so much has gone into preserving the spirit of the game. I love it.
Slay the Spire is excellent!
Leviathan Wilds - played the first 3 Leviathans solo and at 2 - I backed this as a Shadow of the Colossus fan, and hoped for the best. I'm honestly blown away by how much this game has exceeded my expectations. First, there's something about this game that feels so complete and efficient. There's no Kickstarter bloat. It's in a very understated, retail sized box. The game just gets so much out of each component. It feels like the people who made it have made a lot of games before (and they have!).
I have trouble finding mid-weight 1-hour co-ops that I like. I love co-ops like The Crew at the short and sweet end and Spirit Island at the epic and heavy end, but the games that hit around the Pandemic range have never appealed to me. There often seems to be too much upkeep and setup, and not enough to keep me interested in sharing a puzzle with other people.
Leviathan Wilds is sooooo easy to set up. Setting up a Leviathan involves opening a spiral bound map book and laying out five cards. Processing the enemy turn involves flipping a card and later doing what it says. I don't play solo games, pretty much ever, but I'm playing this solo because it's so damn easy to run.
The moment to moment gameplay has been a blast. The systems are very open and freeform and the cards are multi-use, so there's often this feeling of scrapping together just the thing you need from odd parts - burning this card, eating this mushroom, falling here, etc. The movement system really leans into the mechanics of Shadow of the Colossus and allows for a creativity and freedom while reinforcing the theme. Every game we've played has been tight and we've failed a few times. I like that. My only complaint was that the enemies will sometimes do "swift" moves that resolve before your turn so you don't have much of a chance to react. I didn't realize until a game or two later that you can still use skills on cards to react instantly which might be an easy rule to miss. I've felt much better about "swift" since learning that. I'll definitely be backing the announced small expansion for the upcoming reprint. What a pleasant surprise.
Leviathan Wilds is excellent!
Harmonies - 6 plays at 2 players - This game has been called a Reef killer, an Azul killer, and a Cascadia killer. I own all those games! So, what's the body count at my table? Well, first off this game is lovely. The art is beautiful, the spatial puzzle is quite satisfying, and the playtime is breezy (especially at 2). It is most comparable to Reef in that you are arranging and stacking pieces in configurations for points, but there's a second layer of tile arrangement, similar to Cascadia's habitats, that's always present, no matter what cards come up. The Azul comparison is probably due to the drafting of tiles from a central market. So, what's the outcome?:

• Reef - Dead. Harmonies gives me a similar spatial puzzle in less time, in a smaller box, with better art, and it feels more thematic (I want to make homes for all my animals!).
• Cascadia - Dead. (although I was tired of it already). I find the game to game strategies in Harmonies to be more diverse and I don't feel like I have an algorithm to follow like in Cascadia (Is there a tile that increases two habitats? Can I fit a fox between my other groups of animals?).
• Azul - Alive. It's a stretch to compare the two games, but the drafting portion is far more interesting in Azul with the combining pools of tiles. Azul sits with Carcassonne in this perfect zone of being a gateway game that starts out gentle and puzzley and more you play it the more cutthroat it becomes. This isn't Harmonies, but...

Harmonies is excellent. I wouldn't be surprised if its the best gateway type game of the year. I do think it could slow down significantly with more players, but I tend to play something more interactive beyond 2.
Dro Polter - Too many plays to count and at all player counts - I think this is Oink's cutest production yet. The chunky wooden ghost, the tiny bells, the little set of treasures you'll hold in your hand. If you like frantic dexterity games, this is great. You can explain the rules in about 2 sentences and it's very non-gamer friendly. The cleverest bit is how you have to hold onto points in the form of tiny bells and if you drop them you lose them. It's an excellent system of handicapping the leader that often turns to laughs. It's mostly a novelty, but if you can introduce it to a few different groups of people, it feels worth it. Great with kids too.
Dro Polter is great!

I finally took home a stray, a dehydrated and malnourished beautiful boy. His age is unclear, but vet estimated between 2 and 5 years old weighing in just under 2kg (4 pounds ish), unneutered. Stray cats on Malta typically have access to water and the occasional food bowl.
Here's a picture of him when he was on the streets: https://i.imgur.com/eLmaUdu.jpeg
I'm so worried that I am feeding him too much, or too little. I got him last Friday and fed him small portions, often, to avoid refeeding syndrome which I read about. Now I am feeding him 4 times per day every 4th hour between 10am and 10pm, around 30-40g of wet food (high meat content) per time which equals around 140-160 grams per day.
Another reason for concern is possible thyroid issues which my vet detected from palpating under his neck. Blood tests will be carried out on Thursday. He also seems to have a cold, or cat herpes. Sometimes there's small amounts of discharge from his nose, and he sometimes sneezes it out.
The vet put him on antibiotics (Marbocyl/Marbofloxacin P 5mg), something against his cold/herpes (Herpless), something to alleviate inflammation/reduce pain (Loxicom 0.5 mg/ml) along with vitamins and aminoacids (Vigorpet).
There's so many things that he could potentially suffer from. I've got his lice infestation under control, and I wouldn't be surprised if he's got worms - but his faeces don't show any signs of it, other than the occasional diarrhea. I stopped giving him dry food because there seems to be mouth/tooth or gum ache when eating harder food. I even started adding water to his wet food to make it easier for him, his pain or at least the complaints stopped.
My questions to you all is:

• Do you think I am feeding too much or too little? Any advice on his diet?
• From my report, is there anything else you think I should worry about, or act on ASAP?
• Isn't he a good boy?

on my mind lately but i do want to share it.
about 8 years ago, i had a lot of problems and was in a bad abusive relationship and basically he threatened me that if i didn’t let him sneak in at night that he would do something to me so i let him. this was all because he got into a fight with my brother and my mom didn’t want him over anymore. but anyways. he came one night and he got caught in my room. my mom freaked. i was already dealing with mental health problems and this made it 100000x worse. she took everything from me. i would just sit in my room and cry. eventually my doctor found out i self harmed because of taking my blood pressure and they recommended i go to a psychiatric facility. at this time my mom was being extremely horrible to me.
when i was in, i met this girl there. a quiet small girl. i decided to let her sit at my table during the day and we quickly became friends. she didn’t have a phone or socials but i gave her my info just in case. about 5 months later, i got a facebook message from her. comes out she got a phone after she begged her family for one so she can talk to me. from then on, we talked pretty much every day and shared everything with each other. she lived kind of far so i wasn’t able to see her in person until a few years later when her family got a car. she started dating this kid we also met at the hospital… i supported their relationship 100%. she was my best friend. i even taught her how to drive!
when we did see each other semi-regularly in person, i brought her with me to hang out with me my then bf and his best friend. his friend met a girl at my church and they started dating. so i brought my friend with me to hang with all of us and her and that other girl became friends. it bothered me because that other girl i knew my whole life. we never got along. but i was being nice since she was dating my bfs friend. the girls exchanged snaps i guess and they talked a lot without me knowing…
one day friend tells me she is pregnant. she misses a birth control shot and her boyfriend finished in her. she said she didn’t want him to and she doesn’t know what to do. and sure enough she is indeed pregnant. her family didn’t have much. they were about to be evicted… no one worked… it was a tough situation. she considered abortion and i told her, i will support you no matter what you decide. either way i am here.
i went to the mall one day with my bf and his friend and that other girl. we got to talking and she started saying how my friend can’t get an abortion because that’s wrong and it’s murder and idk what else. i didn’t like that she was saying that. i told her it was my friends choice no matter what.
my friend was supposed to go for an abortion. says she went. then she tells me they said she was a day too late and they couldn’t do it. i said it’s okay, i will be here to help! i spent the rest of her pregnancy finding the baby clothes, buying them groceries so she doesn’t go hungry, and so much more. i stepped up as much as i could.
my friends bf got into an accident and i dropped everything and drove to her to pick her up and take her to the hospital to see him after o took her to buy stuff for his hospital stay. mind you, i had just gotten my license yet i was driving downtown just to make sure she got to see him since no one else was able to take her. i stayed with her a while and took her home. all that.
i even went to see her and the baby when she was born and took her whatever she wanted to eat and even took photos of the baby for her. i loved that baby and her so much. she wanted me to be her godmother!
fast forward to covid, i was sad because i couldn’t visit her anymore. i wanted to keep her and the baby safe! we still talked daily like nothing. then i found out she talked to that girl from my church (the girl that dated my bfs friend) … and i told her hay she isn’t a great person. no one at church likes her and i explained to her all the reasons why. and that she also was talking crap about her wanting an abortion and the names she was calling her like murderer and whatnot. she proceeded to get upset at me and told me not to tell her who to be friends with…. so she blocked me.
one day out of the blue a few days later she asks me why this girl (who introduced me and my then bf) was telling her how i told her her business about her being pregnant and me buying her stuff and her bfs accident …. and im like ? what? and it comes out that my friend and my bfs friends ex were so pressed that they went and messaged someone who they knew i wasn’t talking to. we talked like one time ages ago and i was talking about my friend a bit with no details. but they go and text her and she spills how i told them all this and so my friend gets mad and says she doesn’t like me doing shit for her because i’m just gonna throw it in her face later. i was confused. but i couldn’t force her to talk to me. so i gave up trying to explain and reason and she blocked me on everything.
comes out the 3 girls met up just to talk shit. the third girl i mentioned who they messaged to get info from ended up not talking to them anymore and she told me how they’d talk about me and pull up my social medias to make fun of me and my now partner.
I also found out she lied to me about the abortion… she wasn’t late to get it. she didn’t even go because the girl manipulated her into not getting it because she convinced her that she would be a murderer. literally convinced her to keep a child she couldn’t support and did nothing to help yet i spent time and money making sure her fridge was stocked and the baby had clothes.
what’s fucked up is the told the girls that the groceries i got her she didn’t like or didn’t eat yet i literally still have the text message of the stuff she wanted, brands and all… and i literally got exactly what she wanted. that really helped me realize that i shoukdnt do shit for anyone because no one will ever appreciate it.
it’s also funny that her boyfriend or whatever messaged me about 2 months after this happened trying to hook up. he said he was sorry she did that to me. that he told her not to do it. and then said he wants to meet up to hookup and that he always thought i was hotter and that he only stayed with her because she needed someone LOL. so messed up. but anyways…
this whole situation caused me to spiral and almost attempt suicide. i ended my relationship as well but that wasn’t as painful as losing my best friend …. i’ve never felt a pain like that before. it hurt so much. and it still does hurt to think about. i ended up in the psych ward 3 months after my best friend blocked me. i’ve been different ever since.
the third girl i mentioned is now cool with me and we are on good terms. she apologized for engaging with them and talking to them. she assured me that what they did was wrong and i never did anything wrong in my friend ship with my best friend.
did i do something wrong? it’s been 4 years now and i still wonder what i could’ve done different.
i live in a different state and im in a great relationship now and life is great but i still miss having a close friend like that. no friendship will ever compare to the one i had with her ….
please tell me if you think i did something wrong i really want to know.
it’s eating away at me again …
***this all happened 4 years ago but she did reach out to me about 2 years ago from her dads facebook letting me know that he passed away since he really liked me a lot and i did talk to him every so often and when i would visit and take them food. it was kind of her to do that but the extent of the conversation was just that he loved me and that she wanted to let me know because he would want that. that broke me even further that she knew her family liked me yet chose to leave me anyway.

LONG POST
Hi! I need some advice in setting boundaries. My bf and I (both 23) have been together for just over a year now and moved in together two months ago to our own apartment.
We moved together especially for the reason of us being alone and building our routine together as a couple.
But here is where it all becomes tricky. In our first year of dating, I got to know that he was close to his family, but he didn't show it to the extent we are at now. (Mind you the family closeness comes from their national tradition also). But when we moved together (for the last two months) my MIL especially, as well as the rest of the mom's side of the family, doesn't leave him alone. What is especially driving me nuts is the constant calling. On workdays he gets about 5-10 calls per day, MIL calls him at least 3 times, grandma as well. When he gets home it continues. On weekdays, when we usually try to have our time together, MIL calls him 5 times a day, asking him stupid questions for ex.: did he eat, does he need food, will he come at her place for lunch... and every week its the fking same. For example on saturday I started cooking lunch and then MIL calls and just announces she is bringing us food. Like excuse me?!?! And 15 minutes after dropping it off, she calls to ask if we ate? Well no, we threw it in the trash duh. And then two hours later she calls again saying she would like to come to visit us. Not even asking if we have plans/ time, which we did. Whenever I tell my BF that I don't like her interfering and calling all the time, he doesn't step on my side but defends her. I knew its a cultural difference, but we talked about this before we moved and now he's doing the exact opposite of what we agreed on.
She also makes some disrespectful comments, about how when me and my boyfriend will argue he is always welcome in her place, and how mom will take care of him. And whenever we have a disagreement she starts telling him how she misses him and loves him, like she is using it to her advantage.
Recently I've notices she plants ideas in his head based of which we later argue. The other day he was sleeping in the afternoon, and we made a deal that later we will go to get groceries together. So he wakes up and is still tired and asks me if I can go alone that he would like to rest, I then go alone and when Im returning I call him to ask him if he wants to eat anything special from the bakery or a kebab maybe. He replied no thanks i am at MILs house, see you later. I was a little bit angry because he didnt help me, but instead ran to her house the moment i left the apartment(his excuse was that she called him and sad she missed him so much) . So I ended the phone call by just saying: real nice, and then i hung up. After two hours when he came home he was mad at me, because I didn't greet her and he told me she was telling him how she feels I don't like her and asked him if she, the poor MIL, did something wrong. And then we had an argument . He said I dont respect her, and I said to him that this is all to overwhelming, and I have a feeling that out agreements don't stick the second she calls and makes planes or expresses the wish to see him. Even tho we live 10 minutes away, and they see each other 4/5 time a week. (Also I am always respectful and cultured with her, giving her no reason to think I don't like her, even if I don't)
She always acts nice and understanding of our alone time and private life, but then does the exact opposite. We also help her alot financially because her husband (my BFs dad) and her are divorcing. But she continuously spends a lot on useless stuff. I think by observing her behaviour she tends to always be the victim, and never guilty of anything. Also with the divorce, she is presenting her husband, as the worst human possible, but her as the innocent, trash talking their dad to her children.
I hate her invasion in our "together life", but I also blame my bf for not stepping in and talking boundaries with her. I feel like his family doesn't let us alone since we moved together, like they're always checking on him.
I get that we keep in touch with family, but this is just too much.
What should I do, how do I improve the situation, because all of what is written above might be the dealbreaker for this relationship?

Why being transgender is not a sin, by MARK WINGFIELD NOVEMBER 9, 2018

Link to original post: https://baptistnews.com/article/why-being-transgender-is-not-a-sin/#.YYk6tE7MK72
I recently met a lovely young family in the northern suburbs of Dallas. They told me they previously attended a large Baptist church there – until their high school son became their daughter.
The mother was committed to her volunteer work in the church, and when she told the pastor who supervised that ministry area that her child was transgender, the pastor said: “That’s fine. We love everybody here. But it’s still a sin.”
“Blah, blah, blah, but….” Whatever comes after the “but” always negates whatever nice things were said in the first part of the sentence. Beware of the “but.”
Some would look kindly on the suburban pastor’s response because, after all, the pastor didn’t kick the family out of the church or condemn the teenager straight to hell. But.
Even among Christians who appear kind or progressive, too often the existence of someone who identifies as transgender gets chalked up to “sin.” No doubt that’s the root reason so many Christians happily pile on against transgender persons and their family members about bathrooms and schools, because in their heart of hearts, they don’t understand transgender identity and simply default to thinking it is a sinful lifestyle choice.

I think we all can agree that a “sin” is something we do that we shouldn’t do, something we have a choice about. If I eat an entire half-gallon of ice cream, I am likely guilty of the sin of gluttony. I didn’t have to eat the ice cream. If I fixate on why other people are more athletic and agile than me in my mid-life body, I probably am guilty of the sin of envy. There is a way for me to redirect my thoughts to avoid envy.
The same is not true of transgender identity. Emphatically and conclusively, this is not a choice. It is who a person is. Did you choose to have red hair? Did you choose to be tall or short? Did you choose to have the genetic markers you have? Of course not. Transgender persons are simply acknowledging that the gender identity assigned to them at birth because of physical anatomy does not match the brain, biochemical and genetic gender identity they know inside.
Since writing a column two years ago about understanding transgender identity – an opinion article that has been read more than 1 million times and led to giving a TED Talk on the same subject – I have conversed with hundreds of transgender persons and family members of transgender persons. That’s not just ministerially speaking. It really has been hundreds. Every one of those transgender persons has told me that they knew from their earliest awareness – from the time they were 4, 5 or 6 years old – that the gender anatomy they showed on the outside did not match who they knew they were on the inside.
There is an increasing body of scientific evidence to back up this assertion. For example, a 2008 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that female fetuses with increased prenatal exposure to androgens are more likely to have gender nonconforming behaviors. Researchers – including some theologically conservative ones – point to environmental factors that may be responsible for what appears to be an increase in transgender identity through endocrine disruption beginning in the 20th century. This is linked to industrialization, development of new chemicals and medicines.
But these environmental factors only explain an increase, not the presence of transgender identity, which has been documented for centuries. The American Academy of Pediatrics (not to be confused with a small association of conservative pediatricians often cited by critics of transgender rights) recently released a new policy statement explaining that variation in gender identity is a normal part of human diversity. For an excellent, lay-friendly description of the emerging science of transgender identity, look to this report from Harvard University.

I could quote chapter and verse for study after study, and that would not change the minds of some people who are determined to label as sinful anything they do not understand, usually because “the Bible says so.” In these cases, I ask people to tell me where in the Bible being transgender is condemned as sinful. The only answer usually offered is Deuteronomy 22:5, which says: “A woman shall not wear a man’s apparel, nor shall a man put on a woman’s garment; for whoever does such things is abhorrent to the Lord your God.”
Here’s the problem with even a literal reading of that passage: Transgender persons will tell you they are not “men” putting on “women’s” clothing or “women” putting on “men’s” clothing. Instead, they are declaring an identity much deeper than clothing; they are saying that they are dressing outwardly to match who they know they are on the inside. This is not cross-dressing, which is not the subject of this column. Cross-dressing is about finding pleasure in wearing certain clothes. Being transgender is about finding mental and spiritual peace by aligning outward presentation with inner being.
Occasionally, people will point to Genesis 1:27 as a condemnation of transgender identity: “male and female he created them.” Most transgender persons will tell you they believe God has, in fact, created them as either male or female; the problem is how they have been labeled by others who are not God.
Some people today identify as “gender fluid,” meaning they find in themselves bits of both male and female identity and cannot definitely say they are one or the other. While this may sound unsettling to some of us on first hearing, a return to Genesis might help. There we also learn that God created both “night” and “day” and that God separated “land” from “sea.” Yet we have no problem understanding the existence of dawn and dusk or marshes and everglades. Also, the point of Genesis 1 is inclusion, not exclusion. The ancient text tells us that God created everything: “and,” not “or.”
The other lesson we need to keep learning from Genesis is that all humanity is created “in the image of God.” Everybody. Without exception. When we look at others who are different than us and try to see in them the image of God, we gain new understanding and empathy.
Sometimes well-meaning Christians get this part but still can’t get over the “sin” label. So they will say things like, “All of us are sinners in God’s eyes, and it’s just that my sin is different than your sin.” That’s another way of saying, “I love you, but….”
There’s an easy way to remember why this is wrong: Transgender identity is about who a person is. It is about their fundamental being as humans created by God in God’s image – an image that God has declared to be good.

I'm sorry if this is long. To keep you somewhat in the loop I'm 27F, my mother is 53F, sperm donor is 60M, little sister is 25F.
My parents divorced when I was 2 and my little sister was an infant. In the split, our sperm donor took me and left my little sister with my mother. At first there was some kind of visitation happening due to help from social services, however with my sperm donor being a classic narcissist he managed to hide me from them, or evade visitation days claiming we were away somewhere.
My mother at the time was new to the country I grew up in (Nordics), so she didn't speak the language much nor did she know which cultures were normal or how the social service system worked. My mother moved to my home country, married my sperm donor the same year and I was born a year later. He kept her locked up at home, and if she wanted to see friends or go out he would drop her off, give her an hour or so, and pick her up again, complete control. She had no chance of learning more about anything even if she wanted to.
He raised me telling me my mother is an abusive, evil witch who would kidnap me back to her home country if I went to her house. Being a child, of course I believed this, and when she showed up at my school with my siblings so we could see each other I started scream crying. This was when I was 6 or 7. I went home and told him about this, and his response was to 'not believe in her crocodile tears'. She was heartbroken, but I was taught it was fake. If social services showed up with her at our house for visitation, I was told to pull my curtains and hide, not go near windows or make any noise. I didn't know who they were at the time, so I did what he told me to do.
Growing up I also spent a lot of time at my grandparents house since sperm donor had more important things to do (like meet strange women off the internet, engage in shady politics or harass foreign women (he's racist btw). This should've been a safe haven, but he didn't leave me there without giving them a long list of rules regarding how I was to be treated, what I was allowed to eat and what chores I was to do that day. My grandparents, despite being the sweetest people on earth, are extreme enablers and did not dare go against his word, probably in fear of me being taken away from them too.
With sperm donor being a textbook narcissist these things were normal to me. During my childhood I was extremely isolated from other people and their families, I was interrogated if I wanted to see any friends (not that I had many, I was the weirdo kid and got bullied throughout school), and I was forced into multiple different sports. If I got bored of one I had to pick a new one, I was always in at least 2 but sometimes juggled 3 different ones at the same time. I was a kid, maybe 9-10?
He was a hoarder, there were paths through the house you had to walk through cause there was so much stuff everywhere. He'd never throw anything away, and if he did, it was my toys and belongings. He occasionally cleaned up the house for guests, maybe once every few years. When the house became messy again due to his hoarding he blamed me for it and said it was because I left my toys/drawings/pencils out after using them.
There's a lot more to the story of my upbringing but these are the key points. I was emotionally and physically abused and because of that I have been NC with sperm donor for about 7 years now.
I left him when I was 13, lived at my grandparents house for a year (he thought it was because he told me to, cause he got "death threats"), got in touch with my mother (I did not know her at all at this time due to him cutting her out of my life) and at 14 I moved in with my her and little sister. I'd never had a mother figure and so I didn't know what to expect, but what I got was a essentially a friend instead of a mother. I didn't get many rules set for me at her house and so I tried to be a responsible kid and be home on time etc, I didn't want my freedom taken away again. She would hang out with me and my friends if they were over and sometimes she'd let us have a sneaky drink/smoke here and there (towards like 15/16), so to my friends she was the coolest mum. She didn't act like an adult, she unloaded her emotional problems on me, I was the mediator between her and my little sister when they fought and I made sure they communicated and resolved it. I'd listen and hold her when she cried, and give advice as best I could since I was a teenager. She couldn't hold down a job because of her emotional issues, so she relied heavily on benefits and whichever guy she was dating at the time. It wasn't a healthy environment, and all this was projected onto me and my sister.
My mother now lives in South America again and we haven't seen her since 2019, she's not made any arrangements to come back to Europe and visit. She still hasn't learned how to reflect on her behaviour and any attempts to talk to her about her unhealthy habits and behaviours are met with either tears or hostility as she sees it purely as criticism. She won't listen despite several attempts from me and my little sister, because of this we are both LC with her.
I left my home country at 19, I'm an adult now, and I can see so clearly why I'm so messed up, but I just can't let go. I've been in and out of talking therapy, psychiatrists, CBT and grief counselling since I was 17. I know the techniques, I have the tools, and I have been practicing them to get better, but I just don't. I've tried medication too and they work until they stop working, it's pointless. If anything, the more time passes the more sad and resentful I become.
All I want is acknowledgement from either of them, for them to say they were wrong, an apology and some self work, anything. But I am left without a real mother and father. I have great support, my auntie is the closest thing I have to a mother and she's really stepped up in that role, even though she doesn't have to. My boyfriend is amazing and looks after my every need. But I'm so stuck on the past, I can't get over it. I have so many mental issues because of them and I really struggle getting through this life. I know there are people who have had it way worse but it just feels so unfair.
I'm not really sure what I want to get across by posting this. No one has ever acknowledged that sperm donor is a narcissist who took my only childhood away.
Thank you for reading.