Can i switch from one verizon family plan to another

The truth is, I’ve never experienced a relationship. I’ve never kissed someone; I’ve never been with someone sexually and I never had a deep conversation with someone. I never had that chance to have a connection with someone and I feel like there aren’t people out there who truly understand what I’m dealing with. I’m not perfect and unfortunately people strive for perfection. I've pretty confidence when it comes to looks face wise but I'm not confident when it comes to my body. I’ve always put in the effort and truly want to experience loving someone. I’ve always wanted to experience silly moments. I’ve always wanted to enjoy company with someone where I can put overthinking aside. I've always wanted someone that I can grow with sexually. I’m someone who enjoys moments of quiet without expecting someone to talk to me. I believe being comfortable is key to having good communication. I know saying all of this is meaningless for some because preferences are key but that’s just how I’ve been thinking lately. I don’t mind any culture or race and I wish people judged based on personality.
My life a years ago while suffering through depression and anxiety affected me greatly. I’ve been dealing with negative energy which caused me to be unestablished with life with no type of motivational goals. I was extremely overweight lying in bed all day doing nothing but playing games. My family had put a lot of their problems on me, and I was usually the scapegoat for their narcissistic traits. Regardless, I am still grateful because my life could have been worse. While my parent’s gave me a hard time, I am still able to pursue life goals and bettering myself with a roof over my head, which is why I will always be grateful for them. While my life now has changed a lot. I am still in the process of self improvement. Currently I’m finishing up my first year in college studying for a technology degree. I’ve always wanted to experience college and I also wanted to have a good future with a degree that can open multiple opportunities for me. I’ve also lost a significant amount of weight. I don’t have the “ideal” body that most look for, but I’ve been feeling better for myself recently which is all I need. Self care plays a major role in changing my wellbeing. I picked up some new hobbies along the way. I’ve been fascinated with aquariums and aqua scaping. I’ve been in love with nature and everything to do with it. I’ve also started watching more shows and movies.
If you’ve reached the end, I appreciate you giving me the time to even read this. I don’t like sharing my name randomly, but you can call me Ken for now. I’m willing to show my picture so don’t be afraid to ask. My height is 5’9, I’m a black American with a light skin complexion. I wear glasses, I don’t have any tattoos, I don’t have any piercings, I don’t smoke or do drugs, I drink on special occasions but would be nice to finally have someone to casually drink with, I normally dress presentable, I smile a lot and tend to be silly, I don’t mind any humor. I lean more to be extremely introverted which gave me my shy and awkward traits, I am respectful and treat people how I want to be treated. I love to game, especially on PC. I’m always down to trying a variety but my favorites so far have been anything from Tom Clancy or a game to vibe to whether it’s Mine Craft or some old 2d games like maple story. I love watching streams especially GTA RP, I love watching YouTube, I love watching anime and reading manga. When I’m not too focused on college I tend to do them more. I don’t mind going out, which is something I would love to get more comfortable with. I’m always willing to try new hobbies.
All that I can ask from you is to be patient with me. Most importantly, JUST BE YOU. Besides interest being the most important thing when it comes to connecting, I would appreciate someone closer to me in NYC or train distance. I will consider another distance if the connection is right. My personality and hobbies are very important when it comes to connecting so I would appreciate it if you’re similar in thar regards. I tend to stick to one person than multiple people at one time. I want to be able to understand you how you would understand me. Before you talk to me, understand that I’m in the process of improving my life. That means, don’t expect a 27 year old to be established with everything. I’m working on it. So please, to avoid certain spams, can you tell me about yourself just like how I did in this post of mine. Thank you.

I feel like I'm 'healing' but really can't trust myself (because, blind spots) so I'm seeking perspective. I have avoidant tendencies. So the stereotype would be seeking an unavailable partner.
I'm not going out of my way to seek a partner (available or unavailable). Have been single for while. Should I avoid dating someone out of physical reach, in another city or country, at all costs? Or can I handle it? How would I know either way, if I'm doing it for the right reasons and not just because the distance is 'familiar'. I imagine it's a bit like recovering from being an addict of any kind, can't just go, oh I'll have one, I'll be alright...Our attachment styles are a bit like an addiction that we have to manage and are forever recovering from...

Said rules lawyer had a plan, see. Become a god and annoy people with the most intrusive mass surveillance system any world had ever known so that they could pretend the rules on targeting shit don't exist and counter their magic from another plane.
Not a great start, but I figured some amusing insanity could follow, might as well indulge for a bit. How on earth does one supposedly become a god?
Apparently the first step is to cast Leomund's tiny hut. Then you cast fabricate to turn the hut into an undead corpse. Reason for why this clearly nonsensible thing can supposedly be done?
'Cause a magic item can make objects out of force. Supposedly means that force is thus a raw material, and can be used in place of anything. And what's more, using fabricate supposedly makes it so that the force doesn't disappear when the spell maintaining it ends.
Some wild shit. But the best part is that, obviously, making something out of force is unnecessary as you can just obtain its raw materials, so I wondered why the hell you'd even bother.
Supposedly, if you use force as opposed to raw materials, it's not susceptible to DM fiat. Makes up a rule saying you can use Leomund's tiny hut as a crafting supply and he's doing it because he thinks the DM's going to say he doesn't have the right materials.
'Course, fabricate makes mention of the fact that you can't actually make an object if you don't know how to craft it out of raw materials, and that the thing you create can't be magical. So the notion that you'll be creating it out of magical force kinda explicitly doesn't work, and the notion that any character in existence can fabricate a working corpse is absurd.
But then it goes one step beyond, for the objective is to return this supposed fake corpse to a state of undeath that it was never in, and in so doing replicate the magical abilities it never actually had. Something fabricate explicitly can't do, but what are rules to a lawyer?
Only problem there is that there really isn't a way to revive an undead. You can turn humanoids into undead pretty easily, but turning what was once an undead back into a functioning one is fairly complicated. But the lawyer had a plan.
True polymorph into a Dybbuk.
Only problem there is that Dybbuk can't possess undead corpses. They also can't possess fabrications made out of pure force formed into the shape of an undead corpse. But there, he has a solution!
Cast Nystul's magic aura on the fabrication to make it appear to divination and magical senses as though it were a humanoid. Actual, literal Road Runner logic where painting the image of a tunnel onto a rock surface allows some birds to run through it.
'Course, to that, I raised a question. Supposedly, according to this misinterpretation of what Nystul's does, you would be able to cast it on an ooze.
A brainless, skullless ooze.
Does said ooze, now appearing to supernatural senses as though it were a humanoid, have the ability to fall victim to an intellect devourer's ability to eat a target's brain and inhabit its skull?
The answer to this question, supposedly, was yes.
As a result? Supposedly you're now capable of using fabricate to replicate the magical ability of any being in existence by turning into a Dybbuk to take control of corpses made out of magic under the effect of an illusion that makes sensory spells and effects misread them as humanoid in origin. And instead of using this to contest Asmodeus's control over the denizens of hell, the best way to use this power is to turn into a lich, make a surveillance state over the entire world, and use it to annoy wizards by occasionally counterspelling them.
Which is fun as a thought experiment, absolutely. But what I don't get is why someone would bother trying to convince anyone else that any of it was legal.

That will be a long post, I hope you can accompany me until the end, I will give you a little context and I will start with my story. I 24 (F) I clarify that I am a trans girl, my ex 27 (M) heterosexual cisgender had never had a trans girlfriend. We met through a social network. We realized that we lived nearby and decided to go out to eat, before seeing each other in person I made it clear to him that I was a trans girl, which took him by surprise, it was something that he was not expected, but he still said that he felt something inside his being that told him that there was no problem. two weeks after seeing us for the first time he asked me to become his girlfriend to which I agreed because he is an excellent human being with very good values, good ethics and morals and definitely men like him difficult to find today. the relationship flowed and at about three months, he decides to leave me. He had a lot of things in his head. He was waiting for a new job, struggling with insecurities and I know that the fact that I was trans somehow took away his sleep and I didn't know how he was going to handle it with his traditional family. he lied telling me a story saying that he had to go to Las Vegas for work, for a year and a half and that he could not continue with a long-distance relationship, at the passage of the hours he confesses to me that it was a lie that he was not gonna leave. At this point deep inside me, I had already left him, I had cried and I had suffered the grief and even though I agreed to continue trying something in m broke from that first time he left me, with the passage of time, I realized that there were things that did not convince me at all his physical appearance, his personal hygiene, his height, his neediness, his way of being so closed in certain things, they made me quite angry, we talked about it, he told me that he was going to change, but I only saw changes for a certain time and then he did the same again 6 months after being in a relationship I decided to finish things this time on my own and within hours, he came regretful, telling me that everything was going to be fine that everything was going to work. After that I began to feel a little uncomfortable, but I decided to move on because he had given me a promise ring when he asked me to be his girl, since his dream was to see me dressed in white. we made many plans for the future, we planned to have a family. A month ago He managed to get that job that he was waiting for so long, everything was slowly taking form and in order to accomplish the plans we had he needed that very good job. I was able to meet his mom, he never told her that I was a trans girl and his mom didn't realize it and he kept hiding it until certain point, I got along very well with her. Everything went well and the date to meet his dad, brothers and his sister-in-law was near and I began having doubts in me. I really wanted to stay with him and meet his whole family but It would seem like an act of bad taste if a few months after i decided to end up things. Then I tried to postpone things and not meet them. when spending time with him when sleeping together when kissing, I already felt different. I felt that something was off. I felt that something had broken since that first time, we broke up, but maybe I hadn't wanted to accept it. It hurt me a lot to think that all our plans, the great work he just got, the big salary, was finally coming true, everything we waited for almost a year. I just wasn't feeling it anymore, I talked to him and told him that I no longer felt the same as he deserved someone who could give him the same thing he expected since he was settling for the little I gave him of my person, he said that this was love and that it was worth fighting and that it didn't matter how long he had to wait that it was going to be worth it. Two weeks ago, I decided to leave him and coincidentally a best friend invited me on vacation with his family. I had time to think about things and I realized that maybe I'm too young to get married. Although I feel ready, were simply mixed feelings and I didn't know what to do, when I returned last weekend we saw each other we talked and I told him that it was time to heal both for him and for me that we could not continue living a half-love because he gave everything for me, but I didn’t. I decided to put an end to our story, he told me that he would never understand why I did it if he tried so hard that if this was actually love because why I did not continue fighting, but there was simply something inside me that It made me feel that I should no longer continue and it hurts me because he is an excellent man, he will be an excellent husband, an excellent father, an excellent provider has all the qualities that any girl would die to find a man, but I simply do not know if I am getting carried away and I will regret it in the future, but I simply no longer feel this relationship. I would like you to share your opinion with me. I feel that in the future, a part of me may regret it, but for now I feel that it is the best thing for both of us to take different paths and take care of healing and doing things. Better. Maybe in our next relationship. Thank you for reading me so far, I told you it would be long. If you have any questions, leave it at the comments and I will answer since I can't put all the details here because it would be too much. Thank you. Kisses. Melina.
TL;DR I need advice if I should fight for a man that is worth it but I don’t longer feel the relationship and am not sure to continue even though I might regret it since he’s an excellent men.

I received the DCMWSP650Y2 yesterday and as I alluded to in a comment on a post over the weekend, my lawn was very ready to be mowed. Bonus -- it was wet, though not soaking wet. I'll update this post after a few mows with it, however here are my first thoughts after a mow and a half. Keep in mind, this is my first ever self propelled mower, and I'm upgrading from the Gen 2 push, so it's a few steps for me here.
Highlights Performance:
Overall I think this mower is a winner. Is it an EGO? No. Do I even know how an EGO mows. Also no. But what I can say is that this mower had oodles of power. I tested this in a few ways. I did part of the lawn mulching, most of it bagging, and part of it side-discharging. I want to stress here that I did most of the lawn bagging. I never would have even been able to do this with the Gen 2, it just didn't have the lift potential. I'd have to empty the bag after every stripe, and this is a marked improvement over the Gen2. It consistently filled the discharge bag with slightly wet grass, as can be seen below. (I can confirm however that with soaking wet grass, the rear discharge chute does still clog, but I would never mow the grass with it as wet as it was when I did this short test this morning. I was just curious.) Mulching was overall pretty good, I don't have any pictures of the mulching performance, however it did reasonably well for wet, about 7 inch tall grass. Not too shabby. My overall thoughts on the performance is that this mower is stupid powerful. Probably too much so to be honest, more on that later.
https://preview.redd.it/0bgttx5qyt1d1.jpg?width=3000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f3a79b12181ad397a4cdf0f2fd345574502d86f6
Power Drain: This was my biggest concern, though it's hard to tell. I didn't realize because I misread the level settings on the height adjust that I was mowing lower than I normally do, that plus the fact that it poured like cats and dogs like 5 hours earlier meant that my battery drain was quite high. I went through 1 heavily used DCB609, two lightly used DCB609s, and one full brand new, fully charged DCB612. So overall I burned through probably went through probably 36ah worth of batteries. (I'm rounding some capacity down for age of batteries.) That's actually not _too_ bad given that I usually use all four of my DCB210s when I mow with my gen2 so it's roughly the same, I was just hoping for a bit better. That being said, I'll trade that battery consumption for the time saved mowing. Doing this mow with the Gen 2 would have likely meant I had to go over the rear lawn twice, which would have taken me 2.5 hours with this level of grass wetness using the Gen2, and mowing at this height. (Which was lower than I normally mow). So all of that to be said, the battery life is good enough but probably not industry leading. The reason I went the FV route was because I already have 5 DCB609s, so I felt like i had enough flexvolt batteries that it was worth it for me. I have no grave concerns here, and I'm not disappointed in the battery life, I'm just not impressed.
Raw mmph - This mower mulched all the way through the section behind my fence in the small ravine, which was about 9 inches, and had a ton of extra clippings from the last time I mowed, which was kinda intentional because I knew I was going to be getting this mower and wanted to send it through the gauntlet. It did not bog down, save for when I bottomed the mower out hitting a mound I couldn't see. This mower doesn't bog down, if you've used DeWalt's FV circular saw -- not the FV Advantage / Power Detect saws, the full 60v one, you know what this feels like. It. goes. I'm super impressed and this is why I wanted this mower. My lawn is very thick, probably because it hasn't been dethatched in like 8 years, but that's a conversation for another day.
https://preview.redd.it/llokr8mx0u1d1.jpg?width=3000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2d64a0e48a61433a4eab8daa91633f232f3e9b35
https://preview.redd.it/kt4hgjmx0u1d1.jpg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=56ed329c4aeb0a98fb49c2312b7c4e181f165613
https://preview.redd.it/7950y7mx0u1d1.jpg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4d80b4b9ffc935dc9b7cd0789627b1dfac66dad5
https://preview.redd.it/vw7we8mx0u1d1.jpg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2a6c1d687aaadc0fe7a9be7118ac74f4033f62e5
https://preview.redd.it/2zhgaamx0u1d1.jpg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cc7de8012c5098a8c51bfe2dd91db7d50995b285
https://preview.redd.it/u88gjnmx0u1d1.jpg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=96d353514cfff6643ef648aefef26dedc964b0af
https://preview.redd.it/z7fye7mx0u1d1.jpg?width=3000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c3a4d795bb3c0c027e33fcea5030fcefb86b158c
https://preview.redd.it/mq5go8mx0u1d1.jpg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d1b949ac940f2970092da01463892a42586c6f8c
https://preview.redd.it/z2p608mx0u1d1.jpg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6283d48c5d19150a007bc00abe72e5813ecd688f
Random other thoughts:

• I'm not sure if this thing will actually fit the DCB615, there isn't that much clearance, and I"m not sure how much bigger the DCB615 is than the DCB612 is, I'm happy to measure things though if anyone has the dimensions. I'm actually mostly worried about the tip of the port to the rear of the battery, which I don't think I can find the specs for online.
• The thumb paddles aren't great but they're not bad and I"m sure I'll get used to them. I don't think they're quite as bad as Projects For All thought they were, I'm sure I'll get used to them.
• The start button on mine has a cracked clip apparently which I found out this morning. I might reach out to DW about this, I don't have a photo of this, but it works it just sometimes doesn't reset correctly after I push it. A thing I'll probably just fix with a 3d printed part. Not because I don't trust DW warranty, I just don't like the idea of getting a whole new mower over a button that has a cracked plastic latch. Seems excessive.
• Unlike previous gen mowers when this thing cuts out due to a dead battery it's done, I suspect if it detects a voltage that's too low it'll just quit. I don't blame it, this mower is asking a lot from batteries. But it does mean it'll probably cut out before theh battery is actually dead. I took it out, put it in my string trimmer, and used the trimmer to tidy some stuff up, but the mower didn't like the battery anymore. I did this with two separate DCB609s so it wasn't just a one off.
• Like the Projects For All review, I too did experience the motor not disengaging when trying to pull the mower back however I quickly adjusted to it and stopped noticing it. After a few mows I'm sure that releasing it slightly early will just be second nature. I did also just take to pushing it manually. Again this is my first Self Propelled mower so I have no benchmark. x

TL;DR This mower has oodles and oodles of power, it'll go through basically anything. I don't know how it compares to gas, I refuse to buy a gas mower and therefore don't have a benchmark, but it's plenty powerful, even if the battery is just "ok". I was primarily using older DCB609s though so YMMV. If you have FV batteries, I recommend this mower, based off my initial thoughts. My main takeaway here having not used a gas mower in the last 20 years, and having never used a self propelled mower in my life, my initial impressions can be summed up with three words. This is sweet.
Take from that what you will.

I was visiting my friend who had lost a leg to diabetes plus hitting up a clinic inside the hospital for antibiotics because I was waiting for my dental benefits to kick in and I had just started working. This elderly man got out of a taxi in front of the pavilion entrance that leads to kinda like a cafe, food shops, path to emergency and other places. Except nothing that serves alcohol or table service for folks if you're curious to know. Because it's a fucking hospital. Anyway this guy wasn't causing trouble he just seemed like he was walking up a steep trail or the equivalent for him walking while standing up. He went towards a sign and out into another area that kinda looked like admittance. He layed down on the floor after waving at the nurse. The nurse came over and seemed more like she was less about to help them then she did seem like she was standing over someone who was embarassing them and was asking him to sit on the chairs or go wait outside. I tried to point out what was going on to an employee and explain it but they were having lunch and said she didn't know anything about it. Asked if he was a patient then I said I dunno. She said if he's not a patient with them I shouldn't worry about it. I went back to my friend with a couple coffees and hung out for a bit. Then I saw two security guards basically ordering him out across the street from the hospital property. He kept mumbling at them and they were telling him no drunks here. He wasn't drunk from what I could tell at all. He was out of breath and couldn't speak to make words they understood but that made the security guards pissed off. So he sat down and kept trying to wave at staff. Other people who were passing buy seemed confused and were trying to get there attention again. I wasn't as alarmed by the situation as I wasn't cued in. I figured he must have had a history with them and how quickly they rustled him to the corner like it was routine for them. He sat there calmly. I didn't think anything of it and later went back downtown to do run some arrons. I had another appointment pre-booked but it was only half an hour. Figured I could get some drinks after and I'd grab the bus out to nowhere land to decide on a ferry or if I'd stay in town rest of the weekend to hang out with friends more if some money ended up getting paid back.
So 5 hours have passed and I end up back down to see buddy before he goes to bed and brought him a six pack for an easy $10 profit. There's an an ambulance on the corner where the man was and another van. The man the security refused had passed away. I never found out his name or why they failed him. Told a few people around there and even explained it to my family doctor who also was practicing out of the ER a couple days a week at this hospital. But no one knew anything. Did they just take a dying man and kick him out for not sitting on a chair? That's what I gathered from this.

I 30 m Swede decided one day roughly two months back I wanted to brush up on my Spanish. I went out on a language exchange app called Speaky and while for the most part the experience was miserable I started talking to a pleasant mexican woman (30). Initially my intentions were purely to learn Spanish, and we had good fun showing small tidbits of our every day life to each other.
She quickly asked to switch to whatsapp, which typically is one of those red flags which you read on every romance scam article. I however didn't mind much because Speaky was full of sleazy eggplant emojis and accounts asking for hookups as well as bots. Besides, at this point I my headspace was that I would never meet this person anyways. There we were chatting as well as doing some video calls. We quickly started chatting every day.
But of course there's more to this story otherwise I wouldn't be writing here. She came across as lightly flirty and I just figured it was good fun and didn't mind (again, I was never supposed to meet this woman). However, things evolved into more explicit proclamations of romantic interest from poth parties involved (another red flag due to the short time that has passed). She also starting sending these really cute messages to me on the regular which I initially thought nothing of but now might consider lovebombing (third red flag).
Eventually talk went to the idea of me going to visit her (Figured I'd do the traveling since I'm from a wealthier country.) That's when, roughly two weeks back, my warning bells went off and all these suspicions came rushing all at once. And I directly confronted her about them.
Now this far down it might seem like a dead ringer for a romance scam, but there is more to it. She has showed me pictures from her university she studied at which seem legit as well as images from her work. She has a substantial amount of followers on social media with certain videos reaching millions of viewers (and from what I've seen no bitter person accusing her of being a scammer or not either). She claims she's from a well off family with roots from Spain and even Germany which she sent me images of. She even sent me photos of an ID (which frankly made me uncomfortable) with the same last name as some of those old (supposedly) family pictures. She has never asked me for money either which she did point out.
This soothed me and perhaps rashly I bought tickets to Mexico shortly after. We continued talking and had fun chatting. After some time we also engaged in some explicit video call activity as well as send NSFW pics to each other. Quite quickly we also talked of future plans (which makes sense if it was legit since just visiting each other would take a big investment) and we both stated we wanted something long term with children and marriage and the whole deal with the idea of her moving to Sweden if all would work out (which could be construed as another red flag as supposedly traditional family warnings is also sign).
I had up to this point mentioned it to a few friends but not to my mother. When I finally did tell her she INSTANTLY went to the idea of it being a scam (she might also be the most cynical person I know). Some time later I worked up the courage (I didn't want her to dislike my mother) to tell my Mexican friend of my mother's reaction and we talked about what we could do about it and decided on me showing my mother what had already been shown to me as well as have them having a video call so my mother could ask questions directly. I talked with my mother and it was decided, however as the day approached my mother said she felt too uncomfortable with idea of the video call so instead she and just had a long talk about the risks both of Mexico in general and romance scams. She painted quite a gruesome picture (she's quite good at it). She also had some questions to send to my Mexican woman.
Passport, home adress, name of her company. She also suggested for me to reverse image search the photos I had been sent, which I did (I just got the social media pictures to no big surprise). She also wanted me to ask for me and my mexican friend to instead meet in Spain as that had been mentioned between us and it would be neutral ground.
Being the mama's boy that I am I obliged. To which my mexican friend got upset, now whether that is from justified disappointment due to my distrust or from manipulation I cannot tell, and she was not keen on traveling to Spain (we had also been talking about my visit to Mexico for a while now), atleast not now, initially. She did however send me photos of her passport and home adress.
She asked what I thought of it all and I said I wasn't sure. It ended with a quite cold conclusion that I needed time to mull things over.
If you've read this far I thank you, wholeheartedly.
Now I sit here with a ticket to mexico (if it isn't used I will consider it an expensive life lesson). A mother who considers Mexico to be the most dangerous place in the world (and me partly agreeing) - my stay would be in CDMX which I've heard is relatively safe.
If I were to travel to Mexico what would be the risks, would they be greater from her knowimg of my coming or they as great if I just traveled alone as a nordic man?
Any other thoughts? Is this a romance scam or not?
Thanks.

I have been wanting to move out and live away from my parents for a long time now. We currently live in a rented apartment and I’m the major breadwinner in the family. I finally am at a stage where I can pay for their rent and mine as well. But in doing so I will be spending a bunch more and still not getting the ideal kind of lifestyle I want. Like what I can afford is 70% of my dream lifestyle. If that makes sense.
I can either keep staying with my parents. Pros: we get a better apartment together, we can get a new car, save more money possibly
Or I can get my own apartment. Pros: live with independence I have never experienced and have been wanting for a long time, feels like it will help me mature and grow up as a person, will give me solitude and mental peace
Logically, the first one makes sense, but I’ve just wanted the latter for so long and I feel I have so many hopes from it (which might not end up working out as hoped, worst case scenario)
What should I do?

Building a home an obvious decision here?
In the past year, my grandfather passed away and left my Dad and his sister with his remaining money. Details aside, my parents are willing to fund my wife and I up to $600K to build a home for my family (warm hand versus cold hand conversations have occurred numerous times).
Currently, my wife and I (Both 32) have 4 kids and currently live in a 2200 sq ft home (3 BR, 2.5 BA) built in 2007 in Florida on 5 acres. My wife stays home with our kids (eldest is 8) and homeschools, while I have about a 25-minute commute to work and about 25-30 minutes from any grocery store or major shopping or town. The area we live in is quiet, which is nice, but have a couple neighbors around that are a somewhat unsettling to live near (former addicts, domestic issues, etc). If/when we sell our current house, we can expect to net around ~$200,000 based on market value and our realtor’s recommendations.
In moving towards our new home, we purchased 6 acres of land earlier this year as the first step towards building a new home, which will be closer to town (5-10 minutes) and closer to my job as well (~15-20 minutes). We have been working with a builder and have decided on a ~2550 square foot plan that will be on about 6 acres of land. All in, this build is projected to cost around $700k including the land cost, which we would pay the difference using the proceeds from the sale of our current home. My parents are willing to cover costs over $600K, but we will need to pay back the overage after the sale of our home.
My wife and I are extremely appreciative of the effort my parents are making to allow us to hopefully build our forever home for our children while they are young enough to not feel super attached to the home we are currently living in. Additionally, we will be living a slightly higher taxed area, but will be able to essentially live debt free and closer to everything, which my wife and I both value.

All this detail above was basically given to ask the following question:
Why do my wife and I feel so unsure or uneasy about what seems like an obvious choice for the betterment of our family? Are we missing something here?
We moved away from family about 3 years ago, so we aren't sure if our lack of clarity here is because we feel more isolated than we have before, but looking for some reassurance or insight on this situation because it seems so unique.

So I’m going to make this short and sweet. I’m at a crossroads with the woman I’m involved with. It’s very possibly the end of idk a log drawn out version of what’s already ended. Or I just need to say we are ok and we are good and things will work as we drift away from one another (which if civil would make things hurt less, as long as no infidelity is revealed along the ways). Weird but so is a relationship with someone with BPD. That said I’m someone who takes responsibility for MY actions and the results of MY choices. And although I know where things stand now with my BPD meaning the BS is over. She may stop it. But I am clear and will remain so until she either shows consistency and the ability to have a relationship that’s only problems or issues of any relationship as they are work, or she goes on with all her bullshit and I remain so disciplined and graceful and non reactive it’s on her. And no amount of bullshit will change my mind. Nor rage and abuse. She cheats I hope I can sense it and she uses protection but yeah that’s the fucked one. That said let’s focus on US. As I and we all have some culpability as to how we got here. Truthfully we all know it. Whether it’s posts where it’s clear the person posting is maybe more then SIMPLY the victimization of a borderline to this with the multi decade table scraps, discard, Hoover, rinse wash repeat. Many posts state multiple partners ALL having BPD. My “person” asked me early in our relationship “think there’s a reason these people are able to..?” I now remember with a sort of wicked weight and dark intentions. Which now seem like “let me Show you..”
But I can say this woman isn’t all terrible nor responsible for our chaos. I’ve often failed miserably at being non reactive. We all know the point where we are now being asked why WD are yelling and to stop after they… you all know. All the terrible shit here. But because I have or had a sexual “dynamic” with mine (now I refuse to do it as it’s dangerous in many ways ) which included consensual abuse it led to me losing my shit twice and physically assaulting her. After Which I IMMEDIATELY felt disgusting and disgusted and told her so. Told Her if ever again to leave me and never come back for her sake not mine. Weirdly she seemed to like it and also if all things excused it me saying “no it’s not nothing..” I have never and will never again. Yet she did store it and use it as material to threaten me with. And let’s say a lot of other shit I helped fuel and or volley back and forth. My question is also when we become victims or if ever? Or do we choose this abuse many of us? And just as they are old and cruel to a degree that is unhealthy are we also the same on the opposite side?
I ask because my struggle is how cognizant this thing is that she was and is and always will take me For a ride as long as I let her? And if I doin not a victim? But I know in some ways I have been exploited and abused.
Anyone here gone therapy to figure out the why they ARE vulnerable or SO vulnerable it’s always a BPD they end up With? This is my first actual relationship And definitely my last. But the definition of insanity is doing the same thing expecting different results? So we are sort of addicts of their machinations if we can’t do what all addicts must do. Accept and change. Often what we ask of them and they parrot back.
Just food for thought and maybe insight for me. I know my heart was matured wit my emotions leaving me “your so vulnerable “. Not anymore ladies. Healthy and sensitive yes. Vulnerability no.
All feedback welcome.

Firstly, I am not a therapist. I am a 43-year-old male who has been very much weakened by MEcfs. There is a profound physical aspect to CFS, but it very much has a psychological underpinning. It seems that The only people who recover are those that use mind body approaches as a spouse by John Sarno, Howard Schubiner, etc. I am very weak, and am entering in this information via voice. For this reason, there might be some errors, such as the misspelling of CFS.
I have tried psilocybin in two CONTEXTS before. One was a macro dose of 1.5 g. I felt that the experience was pleasant. However, as the mushrooms were wearing off, I developed areas of my body in which it felt, my skin was burning, and went through waves of anxiety. I felt like I went into a lesser trip again the following day. I experienced closed visuals that made it impossible. The only way I can calm down with my eyes open. All of the problems sided after a week. after a week, I took a prescription medication, and this caused an exacerbation of problems that last another week. Additionally, I have I experienced a lesser withdrawal from the Macrodosing, that went away after a few sessions all in all, didn’t have any lasting benefit, though during individual sessions, I felt that I was a state of levity at sometimes. I feel that psilocybin might help me progress with my condition, buried, trauma, etc. However, I am very much worried about the idea of HPD, hallucinogen, persisting, perceptual disorder, or symptoms of the that just last well beyond when they should. Considering it took a while to get down to baseline, and after my back road, I wonder if I might be a specially . Predisposed to. I have used ketamine lozenges before, and have a prescription for them. I’ve only used them a few times, and I found that they didn’t do much in terms of helping me access anything deep within my psyche. This is a potential alternative to be psilocybin, and one less downside, potentially, but also potentially less upside as well.
I think from here on, I’m not going to bother making any paragraph breaks. It’s just too hard on my arm. The only reason I’m considering this is because I had a very meaningful synchronistic event which I believe might be pointing me toward this course of action as a treatment modality. of course, that which I experienced could’ve just been a wild coincidence. If it was coincidence, it certainly defied the laws of probability. No one here can tell me whether I will be safe, using psilocybin or not. I am wondering what the chances are of the bad at weighing the good. in forums in which people discuss negative experiences from the substances, including HPD, there is a substantial responder bias. The same can be set of forums in which people discuss healing benefits that they’ve had. It should also be mentioned that I’m currently taking 2.2 mg of fluoxetine per day. I have had a great deal, difficulty, discontinuing, fluoxetine, and I’ve been tapering down by a small amount over a long period. My psychiatrist informs me that, contrary to popular belief, there is no risk of taking psilocybin with fluoxetine so far as serotonin syndrome is concerned , I wonder if the fluoxetine at this would noticeably attenuate my experience. Roughly 50% of SRT receptors are block at. this dosage. If I were to hold off until being completely off of the fluoxetine, I would be looking at many more months before use. I’m very frustrated at my physical weakness and my lack of progress. More than anything I just want to get my life back. it seems like a key feature of the feeding MECFS, and fibromyalgia for that matter, is to become INDFFERENT to the symptoms. Ironically, those that do develop each HPPD from the substances say that reaching this point of indifference is the only thing that cures them as well. Considering I have a condition that is perpetuated by a lack of indifference, I do wonder if I would be more predisposed to HPD, and then on the other hand, there are those that said that psilocybin has helped their MEC massively. at this point the last thing I want put myself in a state where I’m functioning far worse as a result of a lingering trip that just won’t go away. Any thoughts that you have on this would be very much appreciated. Thank you.

Hey everyone, I think I managed to get myself into a pretty complicated situation. I’m honestly pretty lost and I don’t know what to do anymore.
Here’s some backstory: In September 2022 I moved 300km away from my family because I enrolled in university. The problem was that I only started this whole thing because my (ex) best friend (24F) wanted to move and study there. At that time we’ve been friends for like 15 years and I had no friends besides her. So I was really afraid of her leaving me and decided to join. I was really scared to move so far away (6h drive by train, i don’t have a car) from my family but ultimately did it.
That was of course a pretty dumb decision. I ended up being really unhappy there and was doing a lot of drugs and other unhealthy stuff. Me and my friend are not even friends anymore. I was always regretting that decision and I also chose a random degree because I didn’t know any better.
So last year in July I tried Online dating and met a guy who’s really nice and we met a few times. But then I had to leave in August for a semester abroad and I was gone for about 4 months. We had been texting for that time. After I came back in December, I visited him again in January and it was (again) really nice.
Afterwards I travelled back to my family (because I tried to be with my family whenever I could) and suddenly an extreme existential crisis hit me. I’m not joking, I felt like I couldn’t go on anymore. I was extremely overwhelmed with my whole situation and especially that constant travelling between university and my family. I started to question everything. I was shaking constantly. I felt extremely anxious and stressed. And so ultimately I decided to move back to my family to start a vocational training instead of university.
But two weeks ago the guy I’ve been seeing invited me to go to a music festival with him and some friends. I went and stayed with him for a week. I really enjoyed the time with him and he did too and there was definitely a strong connection. So today I asked him if we want to make things official and he said he would love to, but he just can’t handle a long distance relationship. Especially he would stay at university for at least another five years and I would be done with vocational trading in three years. We were both really sad and had to cry a lot. I decided to leave because I really needed some time to process everything. Before I left he said he is going to miss me a lot and that we both need to think about things.
I’m honestly in so much pain right now because I really want to be with him and I’m regretting everything I’ve done. If I would’ve stayed in that city I could be in a relationship with him right now. Now I’m seriously considering moving back there. I could continue my vocational training there. But after all I’m not sure if that’s a good decision. But to be honest I also wasn’t happy with moving back to my family anyways. It felt like a huge step back and I wasn’t sure if that was the right decision. Something tells me this wouldn’t be a smart decision at all but I’m honestly not sure anymore what a smart decision even is. I just feel like I’m doing everything wrong.
What would you do in that situation? I’d really appreciate some advice.
Ps: I might add some info later in case I forgot something.

I'm in the 13th grade. A friend of mine came into contact with an old classmate of ours. She is planning to meet up with another classmate and invites both of us to come. The problem is that the other classmate and I have a really troubling relationship. She and I are actually in the same grade. In Germany the last few month of 13th grade are just like 6 days of school in 3 months, so I have not seen her in a while. I was in love with her and I never really found a way to express it properly. The only time I said anything to her was when I wrote her a letter telling her everything. From the info I got that letter made cry and was quite triggering for her. I have an eating disorder and depression, which certainly made the letter even worse as I mentioned both and in how far it connects to my love to her. I feel so terrible ever since and I don't want her to see me. I hurt her and I don't think she wants to see me again. My love for her might be gone, but I can't forgive myself for it(I don't deserve forgiveness anyway). I still feel a lot of shame and disgust for what I've done and by how awful and insane I can be. This all happened a few months ago. Somehow some part of me still wants to see her, but can't get over what I've done. I feel so guilty for wanting that and I think I will not go. My friend told me that it would be fun and that it's probably not as dramatic as I make it to be(I never told him much about this incident), but is that really true? I don't think so, but I am quite known for being a bit dramatic, so maybe I'm just wrong. I really do not want to cause more harm and I can't tell what's the right move here. My instincts haven't been very good or reliable in the past. Should I go or not?
Thanks for any replies

Few facts about Canada from an American first Canadian second duel citizen.
Quick about me: I've lived in Canada most my life 22 years, and in the U.S. 11 years. I wish that were reversed anyways on with the show. First though I've asked way too many Canadians who their head of state is. If they know what that means at all they usually say Trudeau...... It's king Charles....yea not great, in fact the second in line is the governor general, prime minister is third. Onwards.
Canadas "constitution" if it can be called that technically isn't a legal document. Québec refused to sign it's ratification and to this day hasn't. That doesn't stop Québec from collecting equalisation payments of which Alberta pays the most. I like the fact that Québec is grifting the other provinces makes me smile. They could develop their resources and quickly become the wealthiest province but why not get welfare eh? And the language thing holy cow.......nuff said.
Which brings me to Alberta the wealthiest province overshadowing Ontario per capita. The weather there is by far the worse in the provinces (and I grew up in Winnipeg). We like to put Vancouver down due to the homelessness (worst I've ever seen) however Calgary and Edmonton have metro populations of 1.5 m each and the homeless issues have ballooned in recent years. It's to the point where it can be compared to places like Nashville TN, Tampa FL, and Atlanta GA, all of which are at least double the population where as ATL is quadruple. As car dependant a city I've ever seen, akin to LA. Calgary has become a mini Toronto and Edmonton a large Winnipeg.
Moving on to good ol' Winnipeg the asshole of Canada. Potholes, poverty, pessimistic, petty, predictable, and of course proud. It's like the old adage pride go before the fall, except in this case the fall came first. Winnipeg is isolated and has a Stockholm syndrome hovering over it's people. Being the only city in Manitoba, everyone flocks there from the small towns. Way too heavy on the sports, I'd imagine it's due to how little there is to do. Per capita Manitoba as a whole is statistically on par with Chicago in murder and violent crime rates (look it up). Winnipeg itself is up there with D.C. not great. It's so poor and corrupt the roads have crumbled and no one fixes them. It took like 3 years to put up the new "tallest tower" 300 main. For reference Toronto puts them up in half the time and twice the height. The tallest building in Omaha is 50 m taller, in Tulsa it's 60 m, 50 m in Des Moines, and 70 m in New Orleans. Not that that matters. Way over priced housing for where and what it is, and anything "affordable" is in areas akin to American ghettos. Lastly transit... Nuff said. Moving on.
The maritime provinces. They're poor, really poor, but mostly poorly treated by Ottawa, if they hadn't been so long they would've thrived much like Winnipeg would have without the coast to coast CN line. I digress, of all the places in Canada the maritimes are the friendliest, pretty on par with the stereotype of nice Canadians. There's nothing bad to say about this place. Moving on...
Saskatchewan would be good if not for the fuckin RCMP giving it a bad rap. Moving on...
Before we get into the meat I'll add a quick not about the territories. STOP IGNORING THE RESERVATIONS NEEDS FOR CLEAN WATER, AND LOWER THE FUCKIN PRICES UP THERE!!!. Next.
I'll start with Ontario the dirty asshole of Canada. Ottawa, Great little city ruined by over confident politicians walking around convinced they're better that you 🫵. The amount of investment into transit in and around the GTA from Montreal to Windsor is impressive and on the level of European countries. I don't see that kind of investment in the rest of Canada. Ontario is, was, and always will be, me first.... Fuck you. They literally stifle other provinces from becoming wealthier. Look at the bombardier contract as a perfect example. Carbon taxing Manitoba who has been green since before we all knew what that was. The actions against the trucker protest and all the scandals, that's all Ontario... Americans don't know much about Canada but they do know the "crack smoking mayor". What can I say. Toronto has been ruined by too much construction and lack of proper city planning. So over priced NYC is jealous. Next.
Last on the list we have the beautiful British Columbia. Right so, it is beautiful but the people are criminally rude. Vancouver is poised to be the best city in north America in all metrics, however they choose to follow Ottawa and now look at it. As I mentioned worst homeless issue I've seen including skid row in LA. The Okanagan is a bible thumping tax haven and stash for drug money and gang revenue. Despite these things and a few more I won't mention the lower mainland is a unique and interesting place. Good luck living there holy mackerel the prices..... Anyways O' Canada stop being what you are before you either dissolve and are annexed by the USA or get invaded by a modern version of the allied powers... Freezing bank accounts.... Whoa. Even D.C. isn't that tyrannical. Taking away legal gun owners guns. Whoa, while Toronto, Vancouver, and Winnipeg's illegal gun seizures skyrocket. No free speech, which is the backbone of any democracy.
Don't get it twisted Canada you aren't a democracy you are a dominion of the U.K. an archaic monarchy. Have fun with all that eh!! America has it's issues some starker than yours that's not lost on me, but for now in 2024 it's a better place to live, not best, better. Good day ladies and gentleman.
Sincerely Quirky Blurky 🥭

Hey all! So glad I found this group.
I’m from the US and I’ve been in the UK on a student visa for almost 2 years now (2 year masters programme). The time has come where I’m handing in my dissertation in 2 weeks and will complete my course in mid july. I am permitted to be here until mid December as that’s when graduation is, however I would like to switch my visa now.
I was planning on going for a skilled worker visa as my career offers this as a route, however I feel more secure with the partner route. Now I am aware the rules and wording have changed so I wanted to share my situation to see if this visa is something I can apply for now.
My partner and I have lived together for 1 year and 8 months, it will be 2 years in September. We have been together for a little over 3 and a half years. We meet the financial requirements with combined income. I’m just worried that if I apply now it’ll be risky due to it not being exactly 2 years that we’ve lived together, however I have two years of leases as we are almost completed with the second year and then are hoping to rent a house in August.
Also what is an approved letter to provide for proof of address?
Any guidance will help, thank you!

The last few years I have lived in a branch in a large US city. Much of the area in our boundaries are very poor. Homes are dilapidated and squatters and homeless are common. My heart goes out to these people and I want to do something. I have learned to love the members of this branch and I appreciate their faith. I often think about Alma 32 when he turns his back on the prideful and preaches to the poor and those who have been humbled by their condition.
This Sunday I went to a Stake leadership meeting. The discussion was on missionary work, and during a lull in the conversation I expressed my love for the converts in the branch and how we needed more resources to reach everyone who could accept the gospel in the boundaries.
An older gentleman from one of the wealthy wards in our stake responded to my comment that we were “fishing in the wrong pond” and that we should only baptize those with transportation and financial resources. I was livid and didn’t say anything because I knew I would regret whatever came out of my mouth. He essentially said the people I went to church with weren’t good enough for the gospel because of the financial situation that many of them were born into.
The stake president said we needed to fish in all ponds. I appreciated the subtle correction. Another brother who joined the church 30 years ago talked about how converts need a friend. When they can’t make it to church because of a lack of a ride or some other hurtle they are still receiving negative feedback from friends about joining the church. Even if they can’t make it we still need to make sure they get some sort of uplifting treatment. Later in the meeting the RS president in one of the branches in our stake made a comment. She has been a member for less than two years and had a great perspective on conversion. She expressed what a blessing it was to receive the gospel for a short period of time. That even if someone only believed for a short time they still were better off than having never believed at all and their lives are made better and their children have a greater chance of finding the gospel. I loved this perspective. The stake president closed by saying something about how we take people where they are and bless their lives as long as we can.
I just wanted to share these views on conversion and say that everyone needs and deserves the gospel. I have seen many people be baptized and many have fallen away, but the labor was worth it. Even if many fall away, lives are still blessed and some stick around. In the last two years I have watched a convict become a gospel doctrine teacher who is excited by scripture. Don’t judge people as not worthy of the gospel. Only God knows them.

Few facts about Canada from an American first Canadian second duel citizen.
Quick about me: I've lived in Canada most my life 22 years, and in the U.S. 11 years. I wish that were reversed anyways on with the show. First though I've asked way too many Canadians who their head of state is. If they know what that means at all they usually say Trudeau...... It's king Charles....yea not great, in fact the second in line is the governor general, prime minister is third. Onwards.
Canadas "constitution" if it can be called that technically isn't a legal document. Québec refused to sign it's ratification and to this day hasn't. That doesn't stop Québec from collecting equalisation payments of which Alberta pays the most. I like the fact that Québec is grifting the other provinces makes me smile. They could develop their resources and quickly become the wealthiest province but why not get welfare eh? And the language thing holy cow.......nuff said.
Which brings me to Alberta the wealthiest province overshadowing Ontario per capita. The weather there is by far the worse in the provinces (and I grew up in Winnipeg). We like to put Vancouver down due to the homelessness (worst I've ever seen) however Calgary and Edmonton have metro populations of 1.5 m each and the homeless issues have ballooned in recent years. It's to the point where it can be compared to places like Nashville TN, Tampa FL, and Atlanta GA, all of which are at least double the population where as ATL is quadruple. As car dependant a city I've ever seen, akin to LA. Calgary has become a mini Toronto and Edmonton a large Winnipeg.
Moving on to good ol' Winnipeg the hole of Canada. Potholes, poverty, pessimistic, petty, predictable, and of course proud. It's like the old adage pride go before the fall, except in this case the fall came first. Winnipeg is isolated and has a Stockholm syndrome hovering over it's people. Being the only city in Manitoba, everyone flocks there from the small towns. Way too heavy on the sports, I'd imagine it's due to how little there is to do. Per capita Manitoba as a whole is statistically on par with Chicago in murder and violent crime rates (look it up). Winnipeg itself is up there with D.C. not great. It's so poor and corrupt the roads have crumbled and no one fixes them. It took like 3 years to put up the new "tallest tower" 300 main. For reference Toronto puts them up in half the time and twice the height. The tallest building in Omaha is 50 m taller, in Tulsa it's 60 m, 50 m in Des Moines, and 70 m in New Orleans. Not that that matters. Way over priced housing for where and what it is, and anything "affordable" is in areas akin to American ghettos. Lastly transit... Nuff said. Moving on.
The maritime provinces. They're poor, really poor, but mostly poorly treated by Ottawa, if they hadn't been so long they would've thrived much like Winnipeg would have without the coast to coast CN line. I digress, of all the places in Canada the maritimes are the friendliest, pretty on par with the stereotype of nice Canadians. There's nothing bad to say about this place. Moving on...
Saskatchewan would be good if not for the fuckin RCMP giving it a bad rap. Moving on...
Before we get into the meat I'll add a quick not about the territories. STOP IGNORING THE RESERVATIONS NEEDS FOR CLEAN WATER, AND LOWER THE FECKIN PRICES UP THERE!!!. Next.
I'll start with Ontario the dirty hole of Canada. Ottawa, Great little city ruined by over confident politicians walking around convinced they're better that you 🫵. The amount of investment into transit in and around the GTA from Montreal to Windsor is impressive and on the level of European countries. I don't see that kind of investment in the rest of Canada. Ontario is, was, and always will be, me first.... Feck you. They literally stifle other provinces from becoming wealthier. Look at the bombardier contract as a perfect example. Carbon taxing Manitoba who has been green since before we all knew what that was. The actions against the trucker protest and all the scandals, that's all Ontario... Americans don't know much about Canada but they do know the "crack smoking mayor". What can I say. Toronto has been ruined by too much construction and lack of proper city planning. So over priced NYC is jealous. Next.
Last on the list we have the beautiful British Columbia. Right so, it is beautiful but the people are criminally rude. Vancouver is poised to be the best city in north America in all metrics, however they choose to follow Ottawa and now look at it. As I mentioned worst homeless issue I've seen including skid row in LA. The Okanagan is a bible thumping tax haven and stash for drug money and gang revenue. Despite these things and a few more I won't mention the lower mainland is a unique and interesting place. Good luck living there holy mackerel the prices..... Anyways O' Canada stop being what you are before you either dissolve and are annexed by the USA or get invaded by a modern version of the allied powers... Freezing bank accounts.... Whoa. Even D.C. isn't that tyrannical. Taking away legal gun owners guns. Whoa, while Toronto, Vancouver, and Winnipeg's illegal gun seizures skyrocket. No free speech, which is the backbone of any democracy.
Don't get it twisted Canada you aren't a democracy you are a dominion of the U.K. an archaic monarchy. Have fun with all that eh!! America has it's issues some starker than yours that's not lost on me, but for now in 2024 it's a better place to live, not best, better. Good day ladies and gentleman.
Sincerely Quirky Blurky 🥭

We've only been dating a month. We starting things out really fast. He wanted to know if we were dating after a week (we were pretty much already doing all the things a couple would do anyways), and I was hesitant because I'm afraid to invest into someone so quickly because I have issues where I'm afraid someone is going to leave me due to many past experiences. So it's very anxiety inducing to have me jump in so quickly. I did end up asking him out regardless. I decided to put all my anxieties aside and still be with him, put all the affection In was afraid to in, etc, etc.
I brought up how I still talked to my ex (he and I were long distance. Literally over 13 hours away. He also has a girlfriend currently. And we obviously had no intentions of being together. We still updated eachother on our lives because we still recognize eachother as people who we care about). He was uncomfortable with that. I tried to offer reassurance and other things, I wasn't entirely okay with not talking with my ex. To be fair, our last discussion was an argument and I haven't spoken to him since. Still, I revaluated and realized I would be okay not talking with my ex again if it meant my boyfriend was more comfortable and needed that.
Eventually my bf brought it up again and how he was uncomfortable. I offered to not speak to my ex again if it made him happy. He said he didn't want that, and it wouldn't matter anyways because he would still overthink. I tried to be positive and say we could work through it and I would be there to support him in whatever way I could. He said I was treating it as if things were gonna 100% work out, and he told me that he was really struggling not to break things off. He said that normally he would have already when he was seeing another person, but since we were dating it was different. He said that he was pretty much "on the edge of doing it already." But he was seriously trying not to because he liked me. He also said I didn't do anything wrong, and he felt bad for having to tell me that, and I didn't deserve any of it.
My abandonment issues kicked in and I just broke down. I said how I was hurt because I felt like I put so much on the line even though it was so difficult for me to just jump in and do that. That I was hurt because no one gave me love the way he did, and it felt like it was for nothing since it felt like he was just gonna leave. I said how this was exactly why I wanted to wait, that if felt like we didn't know eachother enough. I then felt awful and like I made it all about myself. I apologized and said I won't bring it up again unless he does. I then asked if we could spend more alone time together, so I could enjoy what time I had left with him, for whatever choice he made.
So now, I'm unsure of what to do. I understand many might say to just leave. It's very pathetic, but I can't. I can't bring myself to do that. I couldn't forgive myself for the possibility that things would have worked out because I left. It would honestly hurt me less if I waited around and let him leave me. I am doing my best to avoid talking about it or letting my feelings show so he doesn't leave because of that. But I've been crying all the time since it's happened. I am super in my head and am overanalyzing everything again, thinking he's about to leave me at any moment. I don't know if there's anything I can do to help him. I don't know what I should do for myself if I can't get myself to leave.
TLDR; Boyfriend has trust issues because of ex. Says he's thinking about breaking up with me but doesn't want to. I can't do anything to make him feel better. I won't leave him, but am now constantly thinking about when he's going to leave me. What to do if I can't bring myself to leave?
EDIT: forgot to mention: We have never met in person yet, just online. We had plans to meet up (he only lives like 2 hours away) but idk if that's going to pan out or not considering.

The night was bone-chillingly cold. The slightest whisper of a breeze nipped at my exposed ears and drafted unpleasantly within my overly large winter coat. The black, barren trees stood unmoving like sentinels bearing ominously down upon either side of the sleet-slick street, which was lit only by dim street lamps that, other than creating a dull yellow reflection on the otherwise unlit pavement, seemed to do nothing against the oppressing dark of this fateful December night.
I had passed through a wrought iron gate twenty minutes before, the gate that separated a cozy subdivision from this eerie, undeveloped stretch of road that seemed to be dropped in the middle of the forest. I could think only of my warm, lively hearth and a nice, hot cup of tea between my palms, which now, instead of being pressed against warm porcelain, were being stabbed by my untrimmed fingernails as I tightened my fist onto the leash and plunged the other still deeper into my coat.
This night was the culmination of weeks of investigation on a missing person’s case turned sour. A man named Arthur Smith had reported his four daughters missing, then hung himself three days later when we couldn’t find anything. Oddly, Arthur’s body went missing from the morgue shortly after. The only trace left was an incredible amount of flies, and we were displeased to see that every drawer was leaking a mixture of blood and embalming fluid because the refrigerant pipes burst. When we opened them up, the neck of every corpse had been slit.
Eventually, through good detective work, we were able to connect some dots, and that led us to where we were now: We were now on a manhunt for a suspect that was last seen at a gas station about a mile up the road, not two hours earlier. We checked a network of cameras to see that he had headed for the woods, grabbed the hounds, and here we were.
My colleagues and I were spread around in different parts of the forest with the police force’s seven bloodhounds. I got stuck with Old Ben, the force’s droopiest and most seasoned canine. He was partially blind and notorious for not obeying commands. He didn’t even respond to a dog whistle, which was why some of my colleagues thought his hearing was shot. I doubted this theory, though, because sure enough, when somebody whispered the word “biscuit,” Old Benny perked up and started wagging his tail.
Another ten minutes found Old Benny and I at the end of the once seemingly endless street, with the streetlamps and pavement stopping abruptly at the edge of the woods, which had not entirely swallowed up a bulldozer. Old Ben stopped and sniffed the air for a moment, then plunged down a path in the woods to our right. It was a dirt path, not two feet wide, overgrown and partially washed out, making it an unpleasant and muddy journey from here on out.
…
My flashlight was now the only source of light illuminating our way. Its beam slid over roots and rocks that jutted out of the path at odd angles and briefly swept over the nearest trees, bringing them out of the shadow for a moment. I felt claustrophobic as they bore down upon me and upon the path. The only sound was my deep breathing, my sloppy footsteps, and Benny’s blundering in the mud about ten feet in front of me.
The path turned in such a way that I could see faint moonlight up ahead, but a cloud soon covered the moon and removed the slight comfort its light had provided. I continued following the curve of the path, and pointed my flashlight up ahead. Suddenly, everything was pitch black, as my flashlight had just gone out without a flicker. I was especially annoyed because firstly, I had just replaced the batteries earlier that week, and secondly, I caught a glimpse of the dark outline of what seemed to be a small cottage up ahead, which was now invisible in the darkness.
To my surprise, Benny stopped as soon as the light went out, which made it easy for me to replace the batteries with the ones that I always carried around in my service belt. To my dismay, Benny did not continue walking when the light flickered back on, even when I started tugging on his leash. He simply sat in the mud and peered at the cottage in the distance, which I knew for a fact he couldn’t see. The cottage was incredibly run down, but I couldn’t see much more, as it was just at the edge of my flashlight beam.
I began feeling uneasy when Benny started whimpering and backing away, tail between his legs. Our dogs were trained to bark when they found something, not stand still, and certainly not whine and back away. Old Ben had never been a skittish animal; I had never seen him act like this before. I peered back at the cottage, suspecting something more sinister than I was originally prepared for.
I tied Benny loosely around a nearby tree, so he could pull away if need be, pulled out my handgun, and continued on. Not fifteen seconds later, I was hit with the smell of blood and wet dog, and heard whimpering to my left. I told Benny to stay, and turned to find him where I left him, about twenty yards behind me, looking at me like I was insane. I bent down and examined the source of the noise, only to find one of our bloodhounds laying just off the path and covered in a mixture of mud and its own blood. It was missing its hind legs and was shivering badly. I cursed and dispatched it with a quick slit with my utility knife, then unclipped its collar and stuffed it into my pocket before turning away. I did not want to alert the suspect of my position. I grew worried about the location of my colleagues, as our dogs were trained not to run off. I also wondered what kind of predator would have taken only the hind legs of an animal. I tried not to think about it as I continued on.
As the cottage grew nearer, I was able to make out a few broken windows reflecting my light back at me. Through these I was able to see that the inside of the cottage was pitch black, the darkest black I had ever seen. I walked closer still, and I couldn’t stop looking into the darkness of the cottage. The darkness was so potent it seemed to be spilling over the window sill into the crisp night air. I felt consumed. My heart began pounding within my chest, and I felt colder than ever as I stepped toward the gravel path that led around to the left of the cottage. The sudden change in surface and the sound of my feet crunching upon the gravel seemed to break my trance, and I shuddered.
I didn’t know why I had felt so trapped, and I didn’t like it. Something was definitely wrong with this situation, and my feelings of dread intensified as I followed the gravel path around to the front of the cottage.
A dripping noise interrupted my thoughts and temporarily washed the dread from my mind. I paused. I determined it was coming from the direction I was headed, but I couldn’t see the front door yet as the porch was draped with ivy. I was suddenly hit with the putrid smell I knew all too well: the smell of death. It hit my nostrils like a truck and returned my feelings of dread all at once. I shined my beam to the front steps.
There was a dark, red liquid trickling gently down the steps, pooling under the porch: blood. I looked up onto the front porch, now visible, and saw the torso of a man hanging from his neck about three feet away from the front door. His legs were nowhere to be seen, though there was a blood trail leading into the house, and his glistening entrails swayed sickeningly with the light breeze. Blood was pooling below him, trickling down the steps, and down through the cracks in the porch. It had begun coagulating, and dark swirling orbs rotated in the puddle each time a drop splashed down. I looked up again at the carcass and recognized the man as our suspect. There was frost beginning to form at the edges of his mouth and over his glassy eyes, but his exposed entrails were still steaming. Furthermore, the blood dripping from his wound was still deep red in color. The back of my neck prickled and I knew this man had not been hanging for very long. No, not very long at all.
I raised my pistol and nudged the front door open. I was again hit with the smell of death, though now much stronger, so strong I could scarcely draw breath. The inside of the cottage was unbelievably dank, and the darkness seemed to eat the quivering beam of light I pointed out in front of me, so I couldn’t see ten feet forward.
I heard a sharp crack and I bolted my gaze to my feet. I had just stepped on a human rib. Suddenly the cottage came alive with creaking and shuffling. I heard flies buzzing all around me. I heard a raspy rushing noise to my right. I shined my flashlight to where I thought the noise was coming from, but all I saw was a bloodstained floor and darkness out in front of me. I took a step toward the noise, and the beam of light revealed the glistening mangled corpse of a man, missing most of his skin, hunched in the corner of the cottage. His whole torso was heaving, and I saw the rushing noise was coming from the base of his throat, where a large gash was opening and closing with every breath, spraying flecks of fluid. Maggots wriggled out of his wound, and black purge fluid trickled from his soupy eye sockets, his missing nose, and his gaping mouth. He was missing most of his teeth, and one of his cheeks was rotted through.
I was frozen in place with fear, until, to my horror, the man’s mangled arm rose and reached out to me. At this I aimed and put a bullet through his partially exposed skull, splattering a putrid mist on the wall behind him. Instead of slumping over, as I prayed he would, the man slowly levitated into an upright position as though controlled by a puppeteer. Skin began regrowing around his legs, his torso, and eventually his skull, which sprouted two bloody horns out of his forehead. This being had the likeness of Arthur Smith, though I sensed it was no longer him. I placed two rounds into his torso, and the being staggered, but the bullet wounds simply closed with sickening squelching sounds. I backed away slowly, and he simply stood in the corner and leered at me with burning black eyes and a disconcerting grin.
I continued to back away slowly, placing one more round between his eyes. His head jerked back, but still it healed and he seemed unbothered. I bolted around and headed for the door. I jerked the handle but it wouldn't budge. I tried kicking it down, which was something I was very practiced at, but still, the rotten oak planks held fast against my will. I turned around, back against the door, firearm at the ready, and stared into the blackness. Everything was quiet once again. Despite the temperature, cold sweat beaded upon my brow and dribbled down my neck.
Suddenly I felt a rumbling that seemed to come from the very depths of the Earth. A splitting and splintering sound came from what I presumed was the center of the cottage, and I was soon showered with bits of wood and stone that nicked my exposed skin and drew droplets of blood. I noticed my back was no longer pressed against the back of the door, though I was not moving. The floor seemed to be carrying me slowly in the direction of the noise. I was frozen in place, and found that I could not change my trajectory.
My flashlight beam found the edge of a large hole in the floor. I saw dark, root-like tendrils sprout from the hole and rush across the floor with the sound of scraping and splintering. They then returned to the hole, and they had within their grasp six bare human bodies, which I horrifically realized were those of my now former colleagues. I watched in horror as their pale naked bodies were folded, torn, ripped, and broken in the churning earth. The sound of tearing flesh and cracking bone was deafening and filled the darkness of the cottage. The mass of mangled flesh formed into one chunky, glistening mound in the center of the hole. It began pulsing and rising, and horrible screams rang in my ears. I watched in horror as the mass formed a humanoid figure that rose up ten feet out of the hole and bent over against the ceiling. It was facing away from me, but its raspy voice seemed to mix seamlessly with the screams directly in my ears.
“The churning of earth, the tearing of flesh, the cracking of bone”
At this it let out a booming laugh that reverberated in my skull and shook the foundation of the building. The cottage once again came alive, but now more than ever before. Shutters were opening and closing, floorboards were rattling, flies swarmed in a huge mass around and around the room, blocking the beam of my flashlight and obscuring my view of the figure. I felt my legs quiver along with the rest of the cottage. I looked down at a red book with its pages fluttering in the still air. I dove for it and slammed it shut, and the cottage grew still. I paused for a moment, but the giant figure began turning towards me. I bolted around to see that the door was now open, but the hung corpse was clinging to the top of the door frame, now very much alive. Its entrails were still swinging freely from its short leap, and the rope lay severed and frayed upon the ground.
I paced towards the door, dumping the rest of my magazine into the corpse, which to my relief fell to the ground with a squelch. I hopped over the body and sprinted out the front door, away from the cottage, down the dirt path. I could still hear the screams of the damned faintly in the distance, and the earth began rumbling once again underneath my feet. I continued running back along the path, trying not to think about what I had witnessed. I paused for a moment to catch my breath, and shivered in the now relentless sleet.
The pounding of the earth became the distant rumble of thunder in the distance. By the time I had gotten back to the paved road, I was soaked to the bone in cold sweat and freezing rain, and I was covered up to my thighs in mud from the path. My coat was snagged and torn in places from the splinters of wood and from branches along the path.
When I finally got back to my car, I saw a leash leading underneath it, and found Old Ben, crouched below, tail between his legs. I scooped him up and plopped him in the passenger seat, entirely disregarding the former cleanliness of my car, as it was now covered in mud and dog hair. I cranked up the heat and sped off towards the station to report what I had witnessed.
…
We never did find that cottage again. Other guys went back to where I was and failed to find the path, but they did find the dismembered bodies of my colleagues hidden under the bulldozer at the end of the street. I was charged with the deaths of my colleagues and was thrown into a mental institute, but I don’t mind it much. There are people here that are far more insane than I am. The worst part is my occasional perception of a distant rumbling, and during thunderstorms I’m a whimpering mess.
I have been disciplined three times for writing symbols on the walls that I can’t get out of my head. I draw them in my blood so they stand out more and resemble what I see. I have found that once they are on the wall, they stay out of my head. Unfortunately, I haven’t finished writing them all out yet. The first time I started I got really close to finishing, but then I found myself strapped to a hospital bed.
The worst part of my new existence is the nightmares. I am plagued by images of my former colleagues: their pale dismembered bodies, the sound of cracking bone, their blood on my hands, their shrieks of pain, and the taste of flesh.

A bit of venting…
TDLR; a series of freak accidents. Why?! I feel like this has to be an autistic thing. :(
I don’t even feel like I’m clumsy, per se, but I’m always getting hurt somehow. I’m so sick of it. It adds to my fear of going anywhere alone.
Few days ago, the one expensive thing I have to buy every month was misdelivered. I never leave the house anymore, especially alone, but I had to look for the package.
I walked literally half block and tripped on broken concrete. I fell all the way down, and got super hurt! It was scary, and a pretty bad injury I’ll be tending to for weeks.
(Warning, gross ahead.)
Now today, I remembered to take my vitamins, but after a few min, the omega must have burst, because suddenly my mouth filled with this horrendous taste / smell like fish, garbage, chemicals.. I immediately started uncontrollably dry heaving, nothing helped remove the taste.
I became severely distressed bc it was like “the worst pain”, but it wasn’t “pain” in the typical sense. Even so, I felt so overwhelmed, it sent me into immediate meltdown. It was like, if this doesn’t stop, I feel like I’m gonna die (or hurt myself to make it stop.)
Now I just feel so sad and upset like, why?? Why does weird distressing shit like this happen to me, frequently? I’m constantly bruised, injured, sobbing, in pain, or using extreme caution to avoid another situation, but I can’t even plan for the absurdity.
Yes I have severe anxiety, I’m scared of everything, because so much crap happens to me, and it devastates me more than is a “normal” response. Ughhhh.