Topic sentence

If you don't like walls of texts there's a TLDR below
I hope some of you get to read some of this, before it might get deleted. It can help you understand things.
I want to freshen the air a bit and hopefully untie some knots ppl are hung up on. I will not mince my words and feel like I need to vent a bit. I might answer questions as good as my autodidact ass can answer. Since I haven't read much leftist theory. I've only read The State and Revolution by Lenin, once. It's better to ask infinitely more knowledgeable ppl within the leftist movement.
So let's get to the "drama":
I'm superior to Destiny when it comes to being an autodidact. I'm morally, historically, rhetorically and logically superior due to the fact of, luck. The luck is that I was born in a Nordic country, so when I had my moral failings, society helped me through it, it gave me time to really analyze myself and society. One thing he has over me definitely is debate.
Anways, at every step of the way when met with an obstacle of moral nature, I stopped and self corrected. Meanwhile Destiny never truly internalized his failures to learn from it, he's such a stubborn and morally bankrupt asshole and deserve to be in the same trash heap of history (forgotten) as capitalism, the peak of immorality.
Capitalism's current torchbearer, the US, is history's most evil country. Just because it doesn't have as many internal governmental problems as other dogshit countries, doesn't give it a pass on things like exporting death and destruction. In total suffering and deaths, nothing compares to global neoliberal capitalism, how many ppl die again every year, due to starvation? That alone, kills so many.
So I don't hate the asshole as an individual, but I do despise the person he's become and his rotten ideas which he spreads to some of you little gremlins in here.
Maybe you'll understand my thought process more from this other angle. Let's think of the 2 big quotients of human intelligence. He might have a high IQ but it's balanced out by his EQ or EI being 100s of points in the negatives. This is what happens when you don't self correct bad behavior. This is not a balanced person and other sane ppl in the real world can see it clearly, can you?
His lack of understanding of concepts on a macro scale, again due to American education, is embarrassing. He keeps saying one has to debate him in which socioeconomic system is better and that's what everyone wants according to him. But Hasan doesn't have to and that fact makes him so mad. Doesn't Destiny understand there's 3 different types of rhetoric? Has he read any fucking thing, like Aristotle? There's logos, pathos and ethos, not everyone "debates" all the time, he just hates that hasan doesn't use "logos" a lot. Logic doesn't mean truth. Also the general population vibes with "aesthetics", and that's more of Hasan's angle because it's the fucking zeitgeist. That's why he's able to convince ppl.
Let's go through some of the other recent "drama" he's had with hasan

1. Crackergate: I will dismantle it with one sentence. The etymology of both words have no equal and someone that has basic understanding of history would know this.
2. Genocide: He doesn't understand the basic concept that morality trumps over law but with the caveat that it depends on what society or part of it thinks, after filtering through someone's moral arguments. If your morality is sound, people will listen. And if such a person's morality extends beyond current law on a subject, it will be deliberated faster among a part of civil population, it will take more time on a judicial level, understandably. Franscesca Albanese is one such a person and we feel it is sound, you have to prove it isn't. Saying there's no genocidal intent doesn't disprove anything, especially when there's several instances of it. Calling them animals, cutting off their supplies, threatening a second Nakba etc is proof on our side, which ppl like Destiny deny is intent ofc. Imagine being negatively polarized by a dumb influencer like Hasan, into defending genocide? That's just sad. So that he can't see why it's a genocide is a moral failing. I wouldn't call him sociopath but maybe "sociopath-lite"

Personally what lit a fire in me recently, and negatively polarized me further away from the right and towards the left, to a degree never before, was when all the ziofascists and other right wingers really loved to run the propaganda that Hamas is wrong with the numbers. Just because the UN decided to separate numbers between identified and unidentified bodies. How the fuck do you identity someone when there's only a foot left? Is it so hard to imagine why they couldn't be identified. It was instantly "Hamas lied" and it showed their bias. If one knows the history of the Hamas run health ministry. Things like UN finding out it's often an undercount due to how fragile their institutions are. Now that everything is bombed it's even harder to count, you know? Now I don't believe Ralph Nader's numbers, but he has been open about saying that up to 200k ppl could've been killed so far.
So stop being edgy, grow up and join the broader leftist movement in fighting against war hawks and the like. Everyone deserves a good life (even destiny) and nobody should die in unneccesary wars or conflicts. Btw Americans, not to fearmonger but doesn't it honestly feel like your country is on the brink of something, maybe either collapse or a fucking civil war, I'd hate to see workers fight amongst eachother.
Make it easy for yourselves. You belong in the majority, your fucked up leaders are the minority. Take down ppl like Matthew Miller, that Dracula looking ass state department spokesperson, from his position. He defends murdering families and gets paid for it. Meanwhile he smirks with that shit eating grin, while you work your ass off day in and day out, not knowing what to do, to change things.
Find the nearest group that dabbles in leftism, Parliamentarism is over, whether you like either trump or biden.. neither of them really cares about you. They only care about profit. You will at some point want to defend something and their police state will be ready to crack down on you.
Sidenotes: I want to cover the topic of white supremacy from another angle, hopefully it makes you think on it a bit.
So I've heard this be brought up enough, so I thought it's good to cover it.
The argument of [insert other ethnic group other than "whites"] using slavery over other groups is such stupid systemic analysis. There's enough time gap that there's no logic to it, especially if one tries to monolithically make a connection between a certain race, across history. The bigger the time gap the less logical sense it makes. There's a reason why we speak so much about white supremacy, the time gap is short and it's still in effect.
This can also be translated to Israel's modern founding. There's enough time gap that they have no justifiable claim on that land. 1000s of years ago? So? They should suck it up, it's also what their holy book say. Or they could retry without the colonialism part. Do you think sane ppl will wait x amount of time for the genocidal ziofascists to be able to make the same claim over the land? Like bro, come on..
TLDR: Don't abandon leftism. If you don't really care, the least you can do is read some stuff. I for example have only read Lenin's "State and revolution", it can help some. Read it so you can ask leftist theory nerds about context and why you don't like some parts.
I also have to say it's not the leftists that are radical, sure some of them are directionless and lash out in a bad way, but I probably can't change your mind on that. But have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, capitalism is radical? It's radically committing a genocide rn. Radically starving ppl worldwide. Radically only focused on profit, fuck the people that create that profit, right? How does this make sense? It's not radical to want to undo that.

Newly dx’d but not yet on meds. There is a ton of practical and theoretical knowledge that I’ve amassed over the years. I classify them as “the things I used to know”. Making musical instruments, making shoes, drafting from scratch and tailoring a complicated garment, deep dive independent research on primary source historical event with 25 books read multiple times and sitting on my shelf. Now I could barely string together 3 sentences to explain the topic.
I recently wrote a serious essay again using around 25 sources (too much I know but it was a Cracker Jack essay) and recently the topic came up in conversation and I just thought hm, I think that topic seems familiar.
I was a cabinetmaker but I wouldn’t dare touch a table saw bc I know I’d cut a finger off. I rode a motorcycle for years but right now I couldn’t tell you which is the clutch and which is the brake or shifter.
I’ll do really complicated (correct!) notes on making complicated drapes and the next day it looks like gibberish but I know I can take them to the store and buy the right hardware, and material quantities and trust those notes. It’s like a message from another person.
Good lord tell me stims might allow that connection between executive function and the other part of my brain so I might have access to my knowledge. Is there any hope? Or is it all just gone gone gone? I’m just not finding anything on this issue.
Fingers crossed someone can share their experience with this. I can’t be the only one. Thanks in advance :)

I'm very uninspired and tired today. It took me around 10 minutes to even put a first sentence together. My brain is fried, no single thing exists that I would like to write about. And these three sentences took me a couple of seconds. Writing with no structure and topic in mind is incomparably easier. So today's theme is gibberish. It reminds me of this Spongebob episode when he couldn't start his essay. When summer comes my music taste instantly switches. Suddenly I'm into indie artsy music for weird kids. My favorite summer album for around six years is Flower Boy. The vibe of this album is so lazy, whenever I hear it I think of lying and cooling myself by the fan.

Judge Patrick J. Schiltz:
“It’s surprising how many otherwise competent attorneys ‘punt’ at the sentencing hearing.”
Federal Judge Robert N. Scola:
Judge Scola suggested that lawyers take a page out of the book from our death penalty colleagues and advised,
“Don’t wait to think about sentencing advocacy,” since 99 percent of one’s federal criminal clients will be facing sentencing, start preparing the case for sentencing early on.

Hello, and thank you for tuning into my series, INDICTED AND FACING PRISON: NOW WHAT?
My name is Marc Blatstein. In 2006, I was Indicted, pleaded guilty to a felony, and lost my medical license. To call this a surreal experience is an understatement.
My goal in this series is to provide you with the crucial information you’ll need to survive and navigate these times. I’ll cover a new topic daily so you can move forward with Knowledge, Preparation, and Confidence.
Federal Judge Scola speaks from experience, and this series will highlight what you need to do while advocating for yourself.
Should you have questions, please do not hesitate to call and consider engaging my services at 240.888.7778—this is your life.
Whether you are a COO, CEO, Physician, Lawyer, politician, or anybody else, your decisions today will determine your future.
THERE IS A DOJ-HHS-OIG-OPM WHITE-COLLAR TASK FORCE, and once they're in a hunt with your name...
I will cover the do's, Don'ts, and what-ifs in this series. No one can promise that:
· I know the judge, don't worry.
· There's no rush to prepare - after you've heard that the Feds are asking questions.
· Trials: 0.2% win, you just got home – still with your world shattered
· At sentencing are those who Plea and have lost at Trial
· What can you do to defend yourself? Learn and follow…
If you're already at this point and don’t have the time to wait for my future videos, give me a call, and we can discuss your situation one-on-one. Once again, my number is 240.888.7778.

~Stages~
Indictment
Arraignment
· Release on personal recognizance.
· Bail or Bond, You’re on Pretrial Supervision; follow the rules.
· Remanded, you go directly to jail.
Plea or Trial: Your Defense
· A Well Written Personal Narrative (this is your BRAND, Story, or Autobiography).
o Why? Because the DOJ has gifted you their Story of you: Your Indictment – America Most Wanted
· Release Plan: your judge and other STAKEHOLDERS will want to know your future plans.
Trial Win, Go Home
Trial Lose and Plea
· Pre Trial-Supervision
· Personal Recognizance
· Remanded
Presentence Interview/Investigation Preparation,
· Your Personal NARRATIVE,
· Release Plan,
· Allocution Practiced
The Probation Officer who writes your Presentence Report- Your Advocate?
· They’re overworked and have no time.
· Getting all your files to them 1 week early, Comprehensive and Organized, may be appreciated.
Sentencing.
· Your Personal NARRATIVE and Release Plan, if attached to your PSR, is read by the Judge and could affect your Sentence.
· Allocution Practiced is your conversation with your Judge.
Sentence options.
· Prison, Halfway House, Home Confinement, Diversion sentencing, or a Combination.
· if you violate any arbitrary rules - it's possibly back to prison.
Probation Supervised Release.
· and then you're mostly done, except for your Felony.
· You’re still under the BOP Rules.
· You're at the mercy of your PO.
· Restitution or not, they will want you to work, volunteer, or care for a relative – but doing nothing may not work.
· No Narrative as part of your PSR; then all they will read about you is from your Indictment and BOP File.

To engage my services or to have your concerns answered, Call me Today: 240.888.7778. This is my Cell and I personally answer and return all calls. You can also get additional information on my website @: PPRSUS.com
Physician Presentence Report Service, LLC
https://reddit.com/link/1cxgrrf/video/w953yoet1u1d1/player

Previous Entry
Writing these things has made me realize how different I sound these days. Back when all this started I’m not sure I even spoke English and I certainly didn’t speak like I do now but to be honest, I don’t remember. Trying to recall things to write has made me realize exactly how many little things I’ve forgotten over the years. The sights, the sounds, all those fade into the background of most events.
Even something as visceral as Archer’s basement still takes me a while to recall clearly. I wonder if it’s more than just my long life, we do age after all. I mentioned before that sunlight is not deadly to vampires like myself but very unpleasant, that and it makes us more normal. In the sun I won’t be as strong as I would be in the dark and by my assessment I age in the sun as well. Not any faster than a normal person but I do age, its why I don’t still look like that little boy stuck in Paris anymore.
I did spend quite some time in Paris before I left or rather, escaped. I’m not sure I ever would have left if not for the war. I didn’t have many friends there save for other… I’m not sure what to call them… entities? Whatever you want to cal it I had some friends in the more supernatural parts of the city. A vampire named Belle had become a sort of mother figure to me over the years spent there.
I met her by chance one night as I sated myself in an alley. I was ready to fight but she just laughed and flashed her own fangs at me, ridiculing me for being so careless. It was under her wing where I learned everything I know now about vampires. It’s where I realized not all vampires endure sunlight as well as I do, if anything that one trait is what’s most unique about me according to her. But thats not the story I want to tell on these pages tonight. I want to tell the story of lieutenant Marsh and the real beginnings of the organization that would become Chimera.
When war came to Paris that summer I was unprepared. I never expected the war to spiral out of hand so quickly or for it to force me out of my home. I was with Belle and a few more of her friends whose names escape me waiting out the worst of it and hoping things would blow over in the city soon. Obviously we were completely misguided, it was that sense of invulnerability again just the same as when I was a boy. The world was our playground and nothing could hurt us. It didn’t help that in some ways I really was invulnerable and it went straight to my head.
Only flashes of my memory from that day remain. I remember the nazi soldier kicking in the door and firing at Belle’s friends. I remember the screaming that abruptly ended in a single gunshot. I remember the trail of blood leading to her friends body where it lay staked to the ground in the sun. We heal fast, not instantly but much faster than a human. Put us in sunlight though, and we’re just as fragile as a normal person. It was the first time I’d seen someone with abilities like ours die and it made me feel mortal again for the first time in decades.
The rest of the day is a disjointed blur. Belle and I fled the city, I blank out on the specifics of it but we made it out with some difficulty. After that we hunkered down for the night in a rickety old shack. I remember wanting to push on through the day but Belle protested, she didn’t deal with the sun as well as I did. When night finally fell we fled to the coast and managed to catch a ship heading towards the United States.
The trip was unpleasant to say the least, neither of us made good stowaways. We weren’t living life in the lap of luxury before by any means but we lived comfortably. This was a far cry from what we were used to in Paris and the welcome we received was even worse. Apparently fleeing for your own survival is a crime, both of us were separated and sent to prison on our arrival to the states for stowing away on the ship.
That was the last time I ever saw Belle, I get letters from her every now and then but I haven’t seen her in person since. She does well for herself, works in D.C. as a sort of handler for the supernatural. Regrettably she does work with Chimera, says they have the best interests at heart for the supernatural but she doesn’t see what I see out here. She doesn’t know the part I played in its creation, what it really stood for in the beginning. Chimera tends to kill first these days rather than actually try to help or give the supernatural some kind of place in the world. I think thats why I haven’t been to visit her, I just don’t want to argue with a friend as old as her. Funnily enough I don’t think anyone knows she’s a vampire. I doubt they’d take that very well, she’d probably lose her position. They must have suspicions though because theres no way she’d be able to get letters to me without Baelen knowing about it. Every few months they keep showing up though and I always make sure to write her back.
Anyways I’m getting off topic, back to my story. I was in prison for months until an offer came my way, serve the rest of my sentence or enlist in the army and be a free man when I came back, if I came back. Of course I took the offer, I didn’t realize how suspicious that deal sounded at the time but it actually played out exactly as they said. I also didn’t have much of a choice in the matter either. It was hard to get my hands on any blood when I was almost constantly under watch and I could feel the effects it was having on me. I figured it would be best to get a change of scenery.
The next week I was off to training then not long after, we shipped out to the trenches and met the commander of the platoon I’d been assigned to. That’s the first time I met Lieutenant Johnson Marsh and what a man he was. That first day I was convinced I’d never see a smile ever again, the trenches were a horrible depressing place. But there Marsh was, laughing and smiling and just generally enjoying life with the rest of the platoon. He was either crazy or stupid, thats what my first thoughts about him were. I remember those clearly even today but I couldn’t have been more wrong. If anything he may have turned out to be one of the smartest men I ever knew.
The first few weeks were spent holding our position from the germans. It was brutal but I found I was a decent shot with the rifle I was given. Marsh on the other hand spent those weeks barking orders at us and keeping us in line. He never used a rifle like most of the soldiers used. Instead he kept a Beretta m9 with him at all times. That weapon was the only one I ever saw him use. I remember the name only because he was so found of explaining everything there was to know about the gun to me whenever I questioned him about it. You could immediately recognize the pistol as his by its strange grip. One side of it had a picture of an idyllic scene of a manor house in the middle of a sprawling field. The other had a painting of a woman, his wife I’d guess but he never actually told me if that was there case. He seemed to spend the nights staring with longing at each side of the artistic grip.
I’d never really had a family, even with Belle I’d always felt like I was a bit of an outsider. There was so much I didn’t know about how normal people lived. Even though I’d had friends in Paris we were always kind of hidden away in our own personal corner. There was this separation between us and normal life, even between the other supernaturals in the area.
Here I felt like I was part of something though. Sure I was still lost but so was everyone else, we could be lost together and Marsh would always set us straight in the end. There was something about the man, some piece of him that just understood what we were all going through. He expected a lot from us but he was never unreasonable and several times even argued with command on our behalf when ridiculous orders came our way. I actually wanted to serve with him. The rest of the platoon wasn’t bad but they’d all been given the same deal as me. They were all just there to get out of prison. I’m still not sure what Marsh’s story was, he always kept that to himself but any of us would’ve taken a bullet for that man.
Our first real assignment came maybe three months into my period of indentured service. Our platoon was tasked with rescuing a captured American scientist and capturing a German scientist. The scientists in question were Frank Smith and Stein Hoffman and no, the irony of those names is not lost on me, fits the two of them though. I’m sure doctor Frankenstein wishes he was successful as those two. But before those orders could be acted on we had to overtake a German trench surrounding the compound they were staying in.
That fight was bloody and we lost several good men in the chaos. At one point a trench gun was shoved into my arms and I launched myself into the German trench. I wouldn’t be surprised if ghost stories are still passed around of what I did that day. After I made my way over and into the German trench I lashed out with all I had. Moving with superhuman speed and lashing out with both the bayonet affixed to my gun and my fangs, I fell upon the Germans. They stood little chance as I tore into them and all by my lonesome I ensured we’d face no more resistance.
Marsh was the first over into the now silent trench, I’m glad it was him because I’m not sure anyone else would’ve understood like him. I was holding the German officer to the trench wall, fangs buried in his neck as I fed when I heard footsteps behind me. I dropped him and turned to see Marsh staring questioningly at me. I must’ve been a sight to see, blood dripping from my mouth and covering my bullet torn uniform. Marsh steadied himself for a moment and shouted back to the rest of the platoon,
“Boys hold up a second! Just get down and stay up there a minute won’tcha!”
All of a sudden he took a step forward and a well mannered grin took its usual place on his lips.
“Though You didn’t care for sauerkraut J.?”
The joke stunned me, I fully expected him to shoot me then and there, put me down like the abomination I must’ve looked like to him.
“Lieutenant I…”
But Marsh raised his hands to cut me off.
“Command’d probably want me to shoot’cha, hell maybe I aught’a but I don’t think it’d be right. You seem decent, little odd sure but you’ve got heart, I see it in the way you look out for the boys. Plus I always figured there was some’n off about you. The way you stay out’a the light always seem a little faster and stronger than anyone got the right to be just didn’t figure it’d be…. That.”
Marsh told me pointing to the punctures in the officers neck.
“Thank you lieutenant, Could we keep this between us though sir?”
“Drop the formalities J. Jesus! We’re all friends here.”
“I just don’t want the others to know, they may not be as understanding as you.”
“No can do, but you can tell em’ yourself. Alright men, get on down here!”
In all my years I’d never had to explain myself to anyone up until that point. I guess that day my number was up but I never knew just how understanding people, normal people could be. I’d always lived around the supernatural in Paris, didn’t interact much with the normal people I saw in the streets every day, I didn’t have to. I’d always assumed there was a reason for that but in the moment I realized there wasn’t, not really. I’d just avoided normal people because I feared what they’d think if it came out that I wasn’t like them.
Of course There were some of the men that objected to… what I was. Most of them took after Marsh though. They didn’t really care what I was, I’d proven to them I was a good person and thats all that mattered. I just wish they’d been right about me back then because the truth was I still hadn’t learned to care, not really. Even the ones who objected came around eventually and that night Marsh finally came clean to me about why exactly he was so accepting.
According to him he’d always assumed there was more out there, things beyond human that lived on the fringes of society. Even he always thought he sounded crazy. I was the proof he needed to convince himself he wasn’t. Marsh also told me what we were really doing with the scientists. Both Frank and Stein researched the supernatural, their projects were as secret as secret could be. Marsh’s interests and theories, as personal as he tried to keep them showed up in his file somewhere. The higher ups had handpicked him for this mission because of it. The official story was that Frank had been captured but in reality he defected to further his own research with a like minded individual. Our mission was really to force Frank back into the fold and take Stein along with him.
The more he talked the more I could tell his heart was fully committed to this mission and the final assault tomorrow. I’d never seen someone so… alive. In my extremely long life I don’t think Id ever felt that kind of conviction myself. So I promised him I’d have his back tomorrow no matter what.
Morning broke and with it our assault began. Intel on the German defenses was shoddy at best but we never expected what we’d actually run into. At least three times our number acted as guards so a distraction was in order to give us a window of entry. A few of the men would handle the distraction “however they saw fit” to quote Marsh. Then Marsh and I would make our way into the compound itself and the rest of the platoon would cover us.
For what its worth most of the plan went off without a hitch. A tremendous explosion signaled Marsh and I to press the advantage and rush the confused soldiers that lay in front of us. Some actually turned and ran from me, apparently word of my stunt in the trenches yesterday had spread quickly. The rest of the platoon followed behind us but then our luck ran out with the roar of an engine.
An honest to god panzer tank rolled out of a tunnel we hadn’t seen that ran under the compound and turned its barrel towards us. I almost didn’t hear the blast from how slow time seemed to move. But move it did as the explosion of the shell’s impact scattered bodies left and right. The shell impacted behind us but the sheer force of the blast threw Marsh and I to the ground, knocking us unconscious.
When I slowly came to my eyes couldn’t believe what I was seeing. A man dressed in red priestly robes with a matching red top hat was walking between the bodies. When he approached one that groaned out with agony he’d kneel down and whisper things I couldn’t hear to them, after that he’d snap his fingers. sometimes the person he was talking with would disappear other times they would fall silent and sometimes it didn’t appear that anything happened at all.
Just the sight of the man terrified me and I wasn’t sure why. It was an instinctual reaction, the second I lay eyes on him I froze up and ice cold fear crept its way up my spine. When people accuse me of being the devil this man is who I think of. Even today I’m not sure what it is he does or why. What I do know is that he never looks the same. I’ve seen him appear as male, female, even as an animal on a few occasions but I can always tell. The second I’m near him no matter what he looks like the same old feeling comes over me.
Once my vision had finally focused in on the man he seemed to notice without ever looking at me. I blinked and suddenly he was there, kneeling over me.
“Would you like to live.”
He rasped down at me with a voice that seemed to boom around me no matter how quiet it must’ve actually been. I felt like a child again, staring at Archer for the first time. I’d never really had to fear death before but here I was, sure I was about to meet my end right here. In all honestly I wasn’t injured all that bad, I probably could’ve survived with or without this man help. But something told me that if I said no he’d make sure I would die right here.
“Ye…y… yes”
I stuttered out, barley able to form the words through the pain that stabbed throughout my body.
“You will be my instrument for one night at a time of me choosing.”
The man replied. I stayed silent as I stared into his eyes, trying to determine if the sunglasses he wore were tinted or if his eyes really did burn with an infernal red light. The man cocked his head as if waiting for a response to his question. I’m not sure if question was the right word though, there wasn’t much of a choice for me.
Looking back there was always a choice, maybe I could’ve survived on my own merits, found another way. In the years to come I’d wish I just said no, even if it would’ve cost me my life. But thats not what happened. I nodded and the deal maker snapped his fingers. As soon as he had dark clouds flooded the sky and blocked out the sun, allowing my body to begin repairing itself. The man moved on to where Marsh’s body lay and probably made him the same deal as I felt my body healing. Despite that, my consciousness faded again as I strained to try and hear what the man would say to Marsh.
We never actually discussed the man at all. Not then and not in the years since. Maybe that was all an unspoken part of Marsh’s deal. Maybe both of us just wished that man was nothing more than a waking dream, a vivid hallucination. Whatever the case neither of us ever mentioned that man to each other.
The next time I woke up I was chained to a table next to Marsh. We had been captured and brought before the very scientists we were here to apprehend. There were guards around but they all seemed to be waiting for some kind of order. I was certainly surprised when that order came in perfect English, even more surprised when the order was to let us down so we could talk.
Frank and Stein ended up being quite reasonable people. The two let us stay in relative comfort in the compound as long as we agreed to stay and leave them to their work. That was all the convincing it took for me. I understand that the men I’d served with were all dead and that these two were in some way responsible. Maybe that should’ve bothered me more, today it certainly would’ve. Back then I didn’t think the same way, they accepted me for what I was but only briefly, only out of respect for Marsh. What did the lives of people I’d known for so short a time really matter? Writing this now just makes me realize how cold I was before, I didn’t care for anything beyond myself. I’d made no efforts to find Belle since we were separated and how long had I known her, 100 years, more? I may have pretended I cared but when push came to shove I simply tried to make sure I survived.
Marsh wasn’t as cold as me, in fact he almost immediately reached for where his pistol should’ve been when he was unchained. It took Frank, Stein, and myself weeks to convince him that helping would be the right decision. He didn’t like it at first but little by little I think the scientists grew on him. The guards I’d seen our first day here seemed to thin out the longer we stayed. Wether that was a gesture of trust or simply because they were needed for more important duties I don’t know but it certainly eased Marsh’s mind.
I merely observed the scientists most of the time until Stein asked me for a sample of my blood. It didn’t surprise me that he knew what I was but for obvious reasons I was hesitant to give it to him, especially considering what I’d seen so called doctors do with vampire blood. Eventually he wore me down and I gave let him take a sample just to shut him up. After that I became more involved in their research though not by choice. They had me showcasing my abilities and tested the effects of sunlight on my blood. On a few rare occasions Stein even injected it into other prisoners that were brought in, something I put a stop to very quickly. T
hat sample of blood is why Frank and Stein are still around today. Somehow they managed to isolate whatever part of my DNA allows me to age so much slower than a normal person. They took that and spliced it into their own DNA against my recommendations. The crazy thing was it actually worked. Sure they had a newfound appreciation for rare steaks but beyond that I didn’t notice any of the effects that combining vampire DNA with your own would usually have.
As Marsh and I assisted the scientist’s research however we could we both came to the realization that they needed each other to function. Stein lacked a moral compass and was prone to suggest unethical or risky procedures, sometimes going so far as to carry them out without informing Frank. Frank on the other hand preferred caution in everything he did and sometimes I noticed him personally taking and shredding requests Stein had written for test subjects, hazardous materials, or samples from supernatural entities. The two kept a very delicate dance of checks and balances. Stein ever the daring mad scientist and Frank always playing the role of overly cautious genius.
Marsh and Frank got along extremely well near the end. The two would be up at all hours of the night as Frank explained what kind of things really existed in the world. Marsh always shared these ideas of a world where the supernatural and the normal could live together and I think Frank shared that vision. It wasn’t possible, still isn’t but treating the supernatural as something other than monsters couldn’t possibly be a bad thing. I think thats where the idea of the Bureau of Supernatural Affairs really came from, those talks Marsh had with anyone who would listen.
Overtime one of our favorite conversations was what we would do when the war was over and we could leave this compound. Stein wasn’t sure he would, if his research wasn’t going to a man who’d simply use it to cause more conflict he wouldn’t mind staying. Frank wanted to return home, if that was even possible and he asked if Stein would join him. Those two had also become close friends through our months in the lab. That checks and balances relationship they had made them basically inseparable. Marsh’s answer surprised me though, he said he wanted to get out of the military and start a program, something to help the supernatural live closer to normal lives. At least keep tabs on them so that the quality of their lives might improve. I was stunned, I couldn’t believe he’d throw his career away just to chase this pipe dream of his. I didn’t even know Marsh was concerned with that kind of thing. I didn’t have an answer of my own so I said I’d join Marsh and help with this program idea of his. Actually, even Frank and Stein seemed to agree with Marsh’s way of thinking. Little did we know the war would end less than a month after our talk and we’d all get the chance to actually put Marsh’s little idea to the test.
Once the Americans had come and discovered the compound pretty much abandoned aside from us we were all taken prisoner and shipped back to America. We were all interrogated and they either heard what they wanted to hear, or decided anyone we’d talk to about our experiences would assume we were just crazy. We were released back into society under constant surveillance. They even gave us a sizable home in D.C., it was certainly bugged to its core but thats exactly what we wanted.
Through the next year we used Frank and Steins knowledge and my supernatural nature to track down entities all over the country. We made sure that everything was discussed and planned out in the house. That way however was listening knew exactly what we were doing and how successful it was. It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows though, some entities would rather we didn’t know about them. Others were naturally aggressive but some we were actually able to help.
Our escapades as a group of four didn’t last much past the first year. Mostly because our master plan of using the bugs worked perfectly. Ol’ uncle Sam had been listening in and wanted his chance at calling the shots but it meant we became a legitimate organization, the BSA. Technically the acronym was already taken but no one ever complained and Marsh never came up with anything better.
We spent 4 years doing everything we could to improve the lives of supernatural beings everywhere. Not every one of our endeavors was a success but we did some good in the world. One such project was blood banks for vampires. While the blood that gets donated is used for transfusions and the like some was put into cold storage for the BSA. That got distributed to vampires who had come to an agreement with us to stop hunting humans for blood. Some vampires were even selected for jobs at these blood banks, under the supervision of BSA agents of course.
The more human supernaturals like werewolves, vampires, and succubi even used us to find jobs in the world. We made in roads for the supernatural in daily life because of it. Werewolves would use their strength for government construction. Vampire’s long lives made them excellent archivists or history teachers because they actually been there for those events. A succubus’s ability to understand and control someones emotions and reactions made them excellent therapists and conflict deescalation specialists. Those are just some of the fields we managed to get the supernatural involved in. While they usually had to hide their natural they were wildly successful.
Everything went well until that fourth year when I first met Baelen. He was headstrong from the beginning, the powers that be were grooming him for leadership. He was everything they wanted, he followed orders and didn’t question things to much. In short, he was the perfect solution to the inconvenience the four of us caused running the organization as we saw fit. But baleen had a mean streak, he didn’t want to protect the supernatural so much as he wanted to put them in their place. Unfortunately a lot of the research we provided had scared pretty much everyone above us who had never even entertained the idea of the supernatural until now. That meant Baelen’s ideas of monitoring and segregating the supernatural population were popular. So popular that suggesting culling their numbers to keep them in check and under the thumb of the BSA was an idea they actually entertained. That sentiment caught on and our orders became more and more militant.
Every time we disregarded them to do things the way we had envisioned the consequence grew steeper. Eventually Frank, Stein, Marsh, and I just couldn’t stand to see what our BSA had become so we left. We couldn’t do anything else to stop what was coming from the inside, no point in going down with the ship.
After that Baelen quickly ended up heading the whole operation. He still took orders directly from government officials and when the BSA became part of homeland security it became Chimera division. Why they chose such a stupid name I’ll never know but the organization was a shadow of its former self. Before we looked out for the supernatural, tried to help. Under Baelen Chimera just exists to monitor the supernatural and “correct” any issues uncle Sam decides to have with them. They’re glorified enforcers that don’t give a damn how the supernatural actually have it. That’s not to say some good people don’t work for them, people like Belle and even Marsh’s own daughter as far as I’m aware.
It sickens me to think I was a part of it though, for all the good we did maybe it would’ve been better if Johnson Marsh’s pipe dream would’ve stayed just that. I can do a lot but I can’t change the past so I guess we’ll never know. A while ago I heard that something had happened in a little nowhere town out in New Mexico. Pretty much dropped off the face of the Earth. The only reason I even heard about it was through Belle’s letters. Apparently Chimera had to do some huge cover up job and decided it was better if the town just never existed. Maybe I should go myself and see if I can’t piece what happened together. Could be that someone else out there has it in for Chimera and is a whole lot more direct about it than me. I’m just imaging it was some runaway experiment Frank and Stein got up to. I wonder where those two ended up, I’ll have to check up on them sometime. This journal writing is digging up a lot of memories for me but thats probably a good thing. Write them down before I forget again. I think that’ll be all for today then, why do I keep addressing these like someone’s reading them? Not much point to that is there?

Previous Entry
Writing these things has made me realize how different I sound these days. Back when all this started I’m not sure I even spoke English and I certainly didn’t speak like I do now but to be honest, I don’t remember. Trying to recall things to write has made me realize exactly how many little things I’ve forgotten over the years. The sights, the sounds, all those fade into the background of most events.
Even something as visceral as Archer’s basement still takes me a while to recall clearly. I wonder if it’s more than just my long life, we do age after all. I mentioned before that sunlight is not deadly to vampires like myself but very unpleasant, that and it makes us more normal. In the sun I won’t be as strong as I would be in the dark and by my assessment I age in the sun as well. Not any faster than a normal person but I do age, its why I don’t still look like that little boy stuck in Paris anymore.
I did spend quite some time in Paris before I left or rather, escaped. I’m not sure I ever would have left if not for the war. I didn’t have many friends there save for other… I’m not sure what to call them… entities? Whatever you want to cal it I had some friends in the more supernatural parts of the city. A vampire named Belle had become a sort of mother figure to me over the years spent there.
I met her by chance one night as I sated myself in an alley. I was ready to fight but she just laughed and flashed her own fangs at me, ridiculing me for being so careless. It was under her wing where I learned everything I know now about vampires. It’s where I realized not all vampires endure sunlight as well as I do, if anything that one trait is what’s most unique about me according to her. But thats not the story I want to tell on these pages tonight. I want to tell the story of lieutenant Marsh and the real beginnings of the organization that would become Chimera.
When war came to Paris that summer I was unprepared. I never expected the war to spiral out of hand so quickly or for it to force me out of my home. I was with Belle and a few more of her friends whose names escape me waiting out the worst of it and hoping things would blow over in the city soon. Obviously we were completely misguided, it was that sense of invulnerability again just the same as when I was a boy. The world was our playground and nothing could hurt us. It didn’t help that in some ways I really was invulnerable and it went straight to my head.
Only flashes of my memory from that day remain. I remember the nazi soldier kicking in the door and firing at Belle’s friends. I remember the screaming that abruptly ended in a single gunshot. I remember the trail of blood leading to her friends body where it lay staked to the ground in the sun. We heal fast, not instantly but much faster than a human. Put us in sunlight though, and we’re just as fragile as a normal person. It was the first time I’d seen someone with abilities like ours die and it made me feel mortal again for the first time in decades.
The rest of the day is a disjointed blur. Belle and I fled the city, I blank out on the specifics of it but we made it out with some difficulty. After that we hunkered down for the night in a rickety old shack. I remember wanting to push on through the day but Belle protested, she didn’t deal with the sun as well as I did. When night finally fell we fled to the coast and managed to catch a ship heading towards the United States.
The trip was unpleasant to say the least, neither of us made good stowaways. We weren’t living life in the lap of luxury before by any means but we lived comfortably. This was a far cry from what we were used to in Paris and the welcome we received was even worse. Apparently fleeing for your own survival is a crime, both of us were separated and sent to prison on our arrival to the states for stowing away on the ship.
That was the last time I ever saw Belle, I get letters from her every now and then but I haven’t seen her in person since. She does well for herself, works in D.C. as a sort of handler for the supernatural. Regrettably she does work with Chimera, says they have the best interests at heart for the supernatural but she doesn’t see what I see out here. She doesn’t know the part I played in its creation, what it really stood for in the beginning. Chimera tends to kill first these days rather than actually try to help or give the supernatural some kind of place in the world. I think thats why I haven’t been to visit her, I just don’t want to argue with a friend as old as her. Funnily enough I don’t think anyone knows she’s a vampire. I doubt they’d take that very well, she’d probably lose her position. They must have suspicions though because theres no way she’d be able to get letters to me without Baelen knowing about it. Every few months they keep showing up though and I always make sure to write her back.
Anyways I’m getting off topic, back to my story. I was in prison for months until an offer came my way, serve the rest of my sentence or enlist in the army and be a free man when I came back, if I came back. Of course I took the offer, I didn’t realize how suspicious that deal sounded at the time but it actually played out exactly as they said. I also didn’t have much of a choice in the matter either. It was hard to get my hands on any blood when I was almost constantly under watch and I could feel the effects it was having on me. I figured it would be best to get a change of scenery.
The next week I was off to training then not long after, we shipped out to the trenches and met the commander of the platoon I’d been assigned to. That’s the first time I met Lieutenant Johnson Marsh and what a man he was. That first day I was convinced I’d never see a smile ever again, the trenches were a horrible depressing place. But there Marsh was, laughing and smiling and just generally enjoying life with the rest of the platoon. He was either crazy or stupid, thats what my first thoughts about him were. I remember those clearly even today but I couldn’t have been more wrong. If anything he may have turned out to be one of the smartest men I ever knew.
The first few weeks were spent holding our position from the germans. It was brutal but I found I was a decent shot with the rifle I was given. Marsh on the other hand spent those weeks barking orders at us and keeping us in line. He never used a rifle like most of the soldiers used. Instead he kept a Beretta m9 with him at all times. That weapon was the only one I ever saw him use. I remember the name only because he was so found of explaining everything there was to know about the gun to me whenever I questioned him about it. You could immediately recognize the pistol as his by its strange grip. One side of it had a picture of an idyllic scene of a manor house in the middle of a sprawling field. The other had a painting of a woman, his wife I’d guess but he never actually told me if that was there case. He seemed to spend the nights staring with longing at each side of the artistic grip.
I’d never really had a family, even with Belle I’d always felt like I was a bit of an outsider. There was so much I didn’t know about how normal people lived. Even though I’d had friends in Paris we were always kind of hidden away in our own personal corner. There was this separation between us and normal life, even between the other supernaturals in the area.
Here I felt like I was part of something though. Sure I was still lost but so was everyone else, we could be lost together and Marsh would always set us straight in the end. There was something about the man, some piece of him that just understood what we were all going through. He expected a lot from us but he was never unreasonable and several times even argued with command on our behalf when ridiculous orders came our way. I actually wanted to serve with him. The rest of the platoon wasn’t bad but they’d all been given the same deal as me. They were all just there to get out of prison. I’m still not sure what Marsh’s story was, he always kept that to himself but any of us would’ve taken a bullet for that man.
Our first real assignment came maybe three months into my period of indentured service. Our platoon was tasked with rescuing a captured American scientist and capturing a German scientist. The scientists in question were Frank Smith and Stein Hoffman and no, the irony of those names is not lost on me, fits the two of them though. I’m sure doctor Frankenstein wishes he was successful as those two. But before those orders could be acted on we had to overtake a German trench surrounding the compound they were staying in.
That fight was bloody and we lost several good men in the chaos. At one point a trench gun was shoved into my arms and I launched myself into the German trench. I wouldn’t be surprised if ghost stories are still passed around of what I did that day. After I made my way over and into the German trench I lashed out with all I had. Moving with superhuman speed and lashing out with both the bayonet affixed to my gun and my fangs, I fell upon the Germans. They stood little chance as I tore into them and all by my lonesome I ensured we’d face no more resistance.
Marsh was the first over into the now silent trench, I’m glad it was him because I’m not sure anyone else would’ve understood like him. I was holding the German officer to the trench wall, fangs buried in his neck as I fed when I heard footsteps behind me. I dropped him and turned to see Marsh staring questioningly at me. I must’ve been a sight to see, blood dripping from my mouth and covering my bullet torn uniform. Marsh steadied himself for a moment and shouted back to the rest of the platoon,
“Boys hold up a second! Just get down and stay up there a minute won’tcha!”
All of a sudden he took a step forward and a well mannered grin took its usual place on his lips.
“Though You didn’t care for sauerkraut J.?”
The joke stunned me, I fully expected him to shoot me then and there, put me down like the abomination I must’ve looked like to him.
“Lieutenant I…”
But Marsh raised his hands to cut me off.
“Command’d probably want me to shoot’cha, hell maybe I aught’a but I don’t think it’d be right. You seem decent, little odd sure but you’ve got heart, I see it in the way you look out for the boys. Plus I always figured there was some’n off about you. The way you stay out’a the light always seem a little faster and stronger than anyone got the right to be just didn’t figure it’d be…. That.”
Marsh told me pointing to the punctures in the officers neck.
“Thank you lieutenant, Could we keep this between us though sir?”
“Drop the formalities J. Jesus! We’re all friends here.”
“I just don’t want the others to know, they may not be as understanding as you.”
“No can do, but you can tell em’ yourself. Alright men, get on down here!”
In all my years I’d never had to explain myself to anyone up until that point. I guess that day my number was up but I never knew just how understanding people, normal people could be. I’d always lived around the supernatural in Paris, didn’t interact much with the normal people I saw in the streets every day, I didn’t have to. I’d always assumed there was a reason for that but in the moment I realized there wasn’t, not really. I’d just avoided normal people because I feared what they’d think if it came out that I wasn’t like them.
Of course There were some of the men that objected to… what I was. Most of them took after Marsh though. They didn’t really care what I was, I’d proven to them I was a good person and thats all that mattered. I just wish they’d been right about me back then because the truth was I still hadn’t learned to care, not really. Even the ones who objected came around eventually and that night Marsh finally came clean to me about why exactly he was so accepting.
According to him he’d always assumed there was more out there, things beyond human that lived on the fringes of society. Even he always thought he sounded crazy. I was the proof he needed to convince himself he wasn’t. Marsh also told me what we were really doing with the scientists. Both Frank and Stein researched the supernatural, their projects were as secret as secret could be. Marsh’s interests and theories, as personal as he tried to keep them showed up in his file somewhere. The higher ups had handpicked him for this mission because of it. The official story was that Frank had been captured but in reality he defected to further his own research with a like minded individual. Our mission was really to force Frank back into the fold and take Stein along with him.
The more he talked the more I could tell his heart was fully committed to this mission and the final assault tomorrow. I’d never seen someone so… alive. In my extremely long life I don’t think Id ever felt that kind of conviction myself. So I promised him I’d have his back tomorrow no matter what.
Morning broke and with it our assault began. Intel on the German defenses was shoddy at best but we never expected what we’d actually run into. At least three times our number acted as guards so a distraction was in order to give us a window of entry. A few of the men would handle the distraction “however they saw fit” to quote Marsh. Then Marsh and I would make our way into the compound itself and the rest of the platoon would cover us.
For what its worth most of the plan went off without a hitch. A tremendous explosion signaled Marsh and I to press the advantage and rush the confused soldiers that lay in front of us. Some actually turned and ran from me, apparently word of my stunt in the trenches yesterday had spread quickly. The rest of the platoon followed behind us but then our luck ran out with the roar of an engine.
An honest to god panzer tank rolled out of a tunnel we hadn’t seen that ran under the compound and turned its barrel towards us. I almost didn’t hear the blast from how slow time seemed to move. But move it did as the explosion of the shell’s impact scattered bodies left and right. The shell impacted behind us but the sheer force of the blast threw Marsh and I to the ground, knocking us unconscious.
When I slowly came to my eyes couldn’t believe what I was seeing. A man dressed in red priestly robes with a matching red top hat was walking between the bodies. When he approached one that groaned out with agony he’d kneel down and whisper things I couldn’t hear to them, after that he’d snap his fingers. sometimes the person he was talking with would disappear other times they would fall silent and sometimes it didn’t appear that anything happened at all.
Just the sight of the man terrified me and I wasn’t sure why. It was an instinctual reaction, the second I lay eyes on him I froze up and ice cold fear crept its way up my spine. When people accuse me of being the devil this man is who I think of. Even today I’m not sure what it is he does or why. What I do know is that he never looks the same. I’ve seen him appear as male, female, even as an animal on a few occasions but I can always tell. The second I’m near him no matter what he looks like the same old feeling comes over me.
Once my vision had finally focused in on the man he seemed to notice without ever looking at me. I blinked and suddenly he was there, kneeling over me.
“Would you like to live.”
He rasped down at me with a voice that seemed to boom around me no matter how quiet it must’ve actually been. I felt like a child again, staring at Archer for the first time. I’d never really had to fear death before but here I was, sure I was about to meet my end right here. In all honestly I wasn’t injured all that bad, I probably could’ve survived with or without this man help. But something told me that if I said no he’d make sure I would die right here.
“Ye…y… yes”
I stuttered out, barley able to form the words through the pain that stabbed throughout my body.
“You will be my instrument for one night at a time of me choosing.”
The man replied. I stayed silent as I stared into his eyes, trying to determine if the sunglasses he wore were tinted or if his eyes really did burn with an infernal red light. The man cocked his head as if waiting for a response to his question. I’m not sure if question was the right word though, there wasn’t much of a choice for me.
Looking back there was always a choice, maybe I could’ve survived on my own merits, found another way. In the years to come I’d wish I just said no, even if it would’ve cost me my life. But thats not what happened. I nodded and the deal maker snapped his fingers. As soon as he had dark clouds flooded the sky and blocked out the sun, allowing my body to begin repairing itself. The man moved on to where Marsh’s body lay and probably made him the same deal as I felt my body healing. Despite that, my consciousness faded again as I strained to try and hear what the man would say to Marsh.
We never actually discussed the man at all. Not then and not in the years since. Maybe that was all an unspoken part of Marsh’s deal. Maybe both of us just wished that man was nothing more than a waking dream, a vivid hallucination. Whatever the case neither of us ever mentioned that man to each other.
The next time I woke up I was chained to a table next to Marsh. We had been captured and brought before the very scientists we were here to apprehend. There were guards around but they all seemed to be waiting for some kind of order. I was certainly surprised when that order came in perfect English, even more surprised when the order was to let us down so we could talk.
Frank and Stein ended up being quite reasonable people. The two let us stay in relative comfort in the compound as long as we agreed to stay and leave them to their work. That was all the convincing it took for me. I understand that the men I’d served with were all dead and that these two were in some way responsible. Maybe that should’ve bothered me more, today it certainly would’ve. Back then I didn’t think the same way, they accepted me for what I was but only briefly, only out of respect for Marsh. What did the lives of people I’d known for so short a time really matter? Writing this now just makes me realize how cold I was before, I didn’t care for anything beyond myself. I’d made no efforts to find Belle since we were separated and how long had I known her, 100 years, more? I may have pretended I cared but when push came to shove I simply tried to make sure I survived.
Marsh wasn’t as cold as me, in fact he almost immediately reached for where his pistol should’ve been when he was unchained. It took Frank, Stein, and myself weeks to convince him that helping would be the right decision. He didn’t like it at first but little by little I think the scientists grew on him. The guards I’d seen our first day here seemed to thin out the longer we stayed. Wether that was a gesture of trust or simply because they were needed for more important duties I don’t know but it certainly eased Marsh’s mind.
I merely observed the scientists most of the time until Stein asked me for a sample of my blood. It didn’t surprise me that he knew what I was but for obvious reasons I was hesitant to give it to him, especially considering what I’d seen so called doctors do with vampire blood. Eventually he wore me down and I gave let him take a sample just to shut him up. After that I became more involved in their research though not by choice. They had me showcasing my abilities and tested the effects of sunlight on my blood. On a few rare occasions Stein even injected it into other prisoners that were brought in, something I put a stop to very quickly. T
hat sample of blood is why Frank and Stein are still around today. Somehow they managed to isolate whatever part of my DNA allows me to age so much slower than a normal person. They took that and spliced it into their own DNA against my recommendations. The crazy thing was it actually worked. Sure they had a newfound appreciation for rare steaks but beyond that I didn’t notice any of the effects that combining vampire DNA with your own would usually have.
As Marsh and I assisted the scientist’s research however we could we both came to the realization that they needed each other to function. Stein lacked a moral compass and was prone to suggest unethical or risky procedures, sometimes going so far as to carry them out without informing Frank. Frank on the other hand preferred caution in everything he did and sometimes I noticed him personally taking and shredding requests Stein had written for test subjects, hazardous materials, or samples from supernatural entities. The two kept a very delicate dance of checks and balances. Stein ever the daring mad scientist and Frank always playing the role of overly cautious genius.
Marsh and Frank got along extremely well near the end. The two would be up at all hours of the night as Frank explained what kind of things really existed in the world. Marsh always shared these ideas of a world where the supernatural and the normal could live together and I think Frank shared that vision. It wasn’t possible, still isn’t but treating the supernatural as something other than monsters couldn’t possibly be a bad thing. I think thats where the idea of the Bureau of Supernatural Affairs really came from, those talks Marsh had with anyone who would listen.
Overtime one of our favorite conversations was what we would do when the war was over and we could leave this compound. Stein wasn’t sure he would, if his research wasn’t going to a man who’d simply use it to cause more conflict he wouldn’t mind staying. Frank wanted to return home, if that was even possible and he asked if Stein would join him. Those two had also become close friends through our months in the lab. That checks and balances relationship they had made them basically inseparable. Marsh’s answer surprised me though, he said he wanted to get out of the military and start a program, something to help the supernatural live closer to normal lives. At least keep tabs on them so that the quality of their lives might improve. I was stunned, I couldn’t believe he’d throw his career away just to chase this pipe dream of his. I didn’t even know Marsh was concerned with that kind of thing. I didn’t have an answer of my own so I said I’d join Marsh and help with this program idea of his. Actually, even Frank and Stein seemed to agree with Marsh’s way of thinking. Little did we know the war would end less than a month after our talk and we’d all get the chance to actually put Marsh’s little idea to the test.
Once the Americans had come and discovered the compound pretty much abandoned aside from us we were all taken prisoner and shipped back to America. We were all interrogated and they either heard what they wanted to hear, or decided anyone we’d talk to about our experiences would assume we were just crazy. We were released back into society under constant surveillance. They even gave us a sizable home in D.C., it was certainly bugged to its core but thats exactly what we wanted.
Through the next year we used Frank and Steins knowledge and my supernatural nature to track down entities all over the country. We made sure that everything was discussed and planned out in the house. That way however was listening knew exactly what we were doing and how successful it was. It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows though, some entities would rather we didn’t know about them. Others were naturally aggressive but some we were actually able to help.
Our escapades as a group of four didn’t last much past the first year. Mostly because our master plan of using the bugs worked perfectly. Ol’ uncle Sam had been listening in and wanted his chance at calling the shots but it meant we became a legitimate organization, the BSA. Technically the acronym was already taken but no one ever complained and Marsh never came up with anything better.
We spent 4 years doing everything we could to improve the lives of supernatural beings everywhere. Not every one of our endeavors was a success but we did some good in the world. One such project was blood banks for vampires. While the blood that gets donated is used for transfusions and the like some was put into cold storage for the BSA. That got distributed to vampires who had come to an agreement with us to stop hunting humans for blood. Some vampires were even selected for jobs at these blood banks, under the supervision of BSA agents of course.
The more human supernaturals like werewolves, vampires, and succubi even used us to find jobs in the world. We made in roads for the supernatural in daily life because of it. Werewolves would use their strength for government construction. Vampire’s long lives made them excellent archivists or history teachers because they actually been there for those events. A succubus’s ability to understand and control someones emotions and reactions made them excellent therapists and conflict deescalation specialists. Those are just some of the fields we managed to get the supernatural involved in. While they usually had to hide their natural they were wildly successful.
Everything went well until that fourth year when I first met Baelen. He was headstrong from the beginning, the powers that be were grooming him for leadership. He was everything they wanted, he followed orders and didn’t question things to much. In short, he was the perfect solution to the inconvenience the four of us caused running the organization as we saw fit. But baleen had a mean streak, he didn’t want to protect the supernatural so much as he wanted to put them in their place. Unfortunately a lot of the research we provided had scared pretty much everyone above us who had never even entertained the idea of the supernatural until now. That meant Baelen’s ideas of monitoring and segregating the supernatural population were popular. So popular that suggesting culling their numbers to keep them in check and under the thumb of the BSA was an idea they actually entertained. That sentiment caught on and our orders became more and more militant.
Every time we disregarded them to do things the way we had envisioned the consequence grew steeper. Eventually Frank, Stein, Marsh, and I just couldn’t stand to see what our BSA had become so we left. We couldn’t do anything else to stop what was coming from the inside, no point in going down with the ship.
After that Baelen quickly ended up heading the whole operation. He still took orders directly from government officials and when the BSA became part of homeland security it became Chimera division. Why they chose such a stupid name I’ll never know but the organization was a shadow of its former self. Before we looked out for the supernatural, tried to help. Under Baelen Chimera just exists to monitor the supernatural and “correct” any issues uncle Sam decides to have with them. They’re glorified enforcers that don’t give a damn how the supernatural actually have it. That’s not to say some good people don’t work for them, people like Belle and even Marsh’s own daughter as far as I’m aware.
It sickens me to think I was a part of it though, for all the good we did maybe it would’ve been better if Johnson Marsh’s pipe dream would’ve stayed just that. I can do a lot but I can’t change the past so I guess we’ll never know. A while ago I heard that something had happened in a little nowhere town out in New Mexico. Pretty much dropped off the face of the Earth. The only reason I even heard about it was through Belle’s letters. Apparently Chimera had to do some huge cover up job and decided it was better if the town just never existed. Maybe I should go myself and see if I can’t piece what happened together. Could be that someone else out there has it in for Chimera and is a whole lot more direct about it than me. I’m just imaging it was some runaway experiment Frank and Stein got up to. I wonder where those two ended up, I’ll have to check up on them sometime. This journal writing is digging up a lot of memories for me but thats probably a good thing. Write them down before I forget again. I think that’ll be all for today then, why do I keep addressing these like someone’s reading them? Not much point to that is there?

Previous Entry
Writing these things has made me realize how different I sound these days. Back when all this started I’m not sure I even spoke English and I certainly didn’t speak like I do now but to be honest, I don’t remember. Trying to recall things to write has made me realize exactly how many little things I’ve forgotten over the years. The sights, the sounds, all those fade into the background of most events.
Even something as visceral as Archer’s basement still takes me a while to recall clearly. I wonder if it’s more than just my long life, we do age after all. I mentioned before that sunlight is not deadly to vampires like myself but very unpleasant, that and it makes us more normal. In the sun I won’t be as strong as I would be in the dark and by my assessment I age in the sun as well. Not any faster than a normal person but I do age, its why I don’t still look like that little boy stuck in Paris anymore.
I did spend quite some time in Paris before I left or rather, escaped. I’m not sure I ever would have left if not for the war. I didn’t have many friends there save for other… I’m not sure what to call them… entities? Whatever you want to cal it I had some friends in the more supernatural parts of the city. A vampire named Belle had become a sort of mother figure to me over the years spent there.
I met her by chance one night as I sated myself in an alley. I was ready to fight but she just laughed and flashed her own fangs at me, ridiculing me for being so careless. It was under her wing where I learned everything I know now about vampires. It’s where I realized not all vampires endure sunlight as well as I do, if anything that one trait is what’s most unique about me according to her. But thats not the story I want to tell on these pages tonight. I want to tell the story of lieutenant Marsh and the real beginnings of the organization that would become Chimera.
When war came to Paris that summer I was unprepared. I never expected the war to spiral out of hand so quickly or for it to force me out of my home. I was with Belle and a few more of her friends whose names escape me waiting out the worst of it and hoping things would blow over in the city soon. Obviously we were completely misguided, it was that sense of invulnerability again just the same as when I was a boy. The world was our playground and nothing could hurt us. It didn’t help that in some ways I really was invulnerable and it went straight to my head.
Only flashes of my memory from that day remain. I remember the nazi soldier kicking in the door and firing at Belle’s friends. I remember the screaming that abruptly ended in a single gunshot. I remember the trail of blood leading to her friends body where it lay staked to the ground in the sun. We heal fast, not instantly but much faster than a human. Put us in sunlight though, and we’re just as fragile as a normal person. It was the first time I’d seen someone with abilities like ours die and it made me feel mortal again for the first time in decades.
The rest of the day is a disjointed blur. Belle and I fled the city, I blank out on the specifics of it but we made it out with some difficulty. After that we hunkered down for the night in a rickety old shack. I remember wanting to push on through the day but Belle protested, she didn’t deal with the sun as well as I did. When night finally fell we fled to the coast and managed to catch a ship heading towards the United States.
The trip was unpleasant to say the least, neither of us made good stowaways. We weren’t living life in the lap of luxury before by any means but we lived comfortably. This was a far cry from what we were used to in Paris and the welcome we received was even worse. Apparently fleeing for your own survival is a crime, both of us were separated and sent to prison on our arrival to the states for stowing away on the ship.
That was the last time I ever saw Belle, I get letters from her every now and then but I haven’t seen her in person since. She does well for herself, works in D.C. as a sort of handler for the supernatural. Regrettably she does work with Chimera, says they have the best interests at heart for the supernatural but she doesn’t see what I see out here. She doesn’t know the part I played in its creation, what it really stood for in the beginning. Chimera tends to kill first these days rather than actually try to help or give the supernatural some kind of place in the world. I think thats why I haven’t been to visit her, I just don’t want to argue with a friend as old as her. Funnily enough I don’t think anyone knows she’s a vampire. I doubt they’d take that very well, she’d probably lose her position. They must have suspicions though because theres no way she’d be able to get letters to me without Baelen knowing about it. Every few months they keep showing up though and I always make sure to write her back.
Anyways I’m getting off topic, back to my story. I was in prison for months until an offer came my way, serve the rest of my sentence or enlist in the army and be a free man when I came back, if I came back. Of course I took the offer, I didn’t realize how suspicious that deal sounded at the time but it actually played out exactly as they said. I also didn’t have much of a choice in the matter either. It was hard to get my hands on any blood when I was almost constantly under watch and I could feel the effects it was having on me. I figured it would be best to get a change of scenery.
The next week I was off to training then not long after, we shipped out to the trenches and met the commander of the platoon I’d been assigned to. That’s the first time I met Lieutenant Johnson Marsh and what a man he was. That first day I was convinced I’d never see a smile ever again, the trenches were a horrible depressing place. But there Marsh was, laughing and smiling and just generally enjoying life with the rest of the platoon. He was either crazy or stupid, thats what my first thoughts about him were. I remember those clearly even today but I couldn’t have been more wrong. If anything he may have turned out to be one of the smartest men I ever knew.
The first few weeks were spent holding our position from the germans. It was brutal but I found I was a decent shot with the rifle I was given. Marsh on the other hand spent those weeks barking orders at us and keeping us in line. He never used a rifle like most of the soldiers used. Instead he kept a Beretta m9 with him at all times. That weapon was the only one I ever saw him use. I remember the name only because he was so found of explaining everything there was to know about the gun to me whenever I questioned him about it. You could immediately recognize the pistol as his by its strange grip. One side of it had a picture of an idyllic scene of a manor house in the middle of a sprawling field. The other had a painting of a woman, his wife I’d guess but he never actually told me if that was there case. He seemed to spend the nights staring with longing at each side of the artistic grip.
I’d never really had a family, even with Belle I’d always felt like I was a bit of an outsider. There was so much I didn’t know about how normal people lived. Even though I’d had friends in Paris we were always kind of hidden away in our own personal corner. There was this separation between us and normal life, even between the other supernaturals in the area.
Here I felt like I was part of something though. Sure I was still lost but so was everyone else, we could be lost together and Marsh would always set us straight in the end. There was something about the man, some piece of him that just understood what we were all going through. He expected a lot from us but he was never unreasonable and several times even argued with command on our behalf when ridiculous orders came our way. I actually wanted to serve with him. The rest of the platoon wasn’t bad but they’d all been given the same deal as me. They were all just there to get out of prison. I’m still not sure what Marsh’s story was, he always kept that to himself but any of us would’ve taken a bullet for that man.
Our first real assignment came maybe three months into my period of indentured service. Our platoon was tasked with rescuing a captured American scientist and capturing a German scientist. The scientists in question were Frank Smith and Stein Hoffman and no, the irony of those names is not lost on me, fits the two of them though. I’m sure doctor Frankenstein wishes he was successful as those two. But before those orders could be acted on we had to overtake a German trench surrounding the compound they were staying in.
That fight was bloody and we lost several good men in the chaos. At one point a trench gun was shoved into my arms and I launched myself into the German trench. I wouldn’t be surprised if ghost stories are still passed around of what I did that day. After I made my way over and into the German trench I lashed out with all I had. Moving with superhuman speed and lashing out with both the bayonet affixed to my gun and my fangs, I fell upon the Germans. They stood little chance as I tore into them and all by my lonesome I ensured we’d face no more resistance.
Marsh was the first over into the now silent trench, I’m glad it was him because I’m not sure anyone else would’ve understood like him. I was holding the German officer to the trench wall, fangs buried in his neck as I fed when I heard footsteps behind me. I dropped him and turned to see Marsh staring questioningly at me. I must’ve been a sight to see, blood dripping from my mouth and covering my bullet torn uniform. Marsh steadied himself for a moment and shouted back to the rest of the platoon,
“Boys hold up a second! Just get down and stay up there a minute won’tcha!”
All of a sudden he took a step forward and a well mannered grin took its usual place on his lips.
“Though You didn’t care for sauerkraut J.?”
The joke stunned me, I fully expected him to shoot me then and there, put me down like the abomination I must’ve looked like to him.
“Lieutenant I…”
But Marsh raised his hands to cut me off.
“Command’d probably want me to shoot’cha, hell maybe I aught’a but I don’t think it’d be right. You seem decent, little odd sure but you’ve got heart, I see it in the way you look out for the boys. Plus I always figured there was some’n off about you. The way you stay out’a the light always seem a little faster and stronger than anyone got the right to be just didn’t figure it’d be…. That.”
Marsh told me pointing to the punctures in the officers neck.
“Thank you lieutenant, Could we keep this between us though sir?”
“Drop the formalities J. Jesus! We’re all friends here.”
“I just don’t want the others to know, they may not be as understanding as you.”
“No can do, but you can tell em’ yourself. Alright men, get on down here!”
In all my years I’d never had to explain myself to anyone up until that point. I guess that day my number was up but I never knew just how understanding people, normal people could be. I’d always lived around the supernatural in Paris, didn’t interact much with the normal people I saw in the streets every day, I didn’t have to. I’d always assumed there was a reason for that but in the moment I realized there wasn’t, not really. I’d just avoided normal people because I feared what they’d think if it came out that I wasn’t like them.
Of course There were some of the men that objected to… what I was. Most of them took after Marsh though. They didn’t really care what I was, I’d proven to them I was a good person and thats all that mattered. I just wish they’d been right about me back then because the truth was I still hadn’t learned to care, not really. Even the ones who objected came around eventually and that night Marsh finally came clean to me about why exactly he was so accepting.
According to him he’d always assumed there was more out there, things beyond human that lived on the fringes of society. Even he always thought he sounded crazy. I was the proof he needed to convince himself he wasn’t. Marsh also told me what we were really doing with the scientists. Both Frank and Stein researched the supernatural, their projects were as secret as secret could be. Marsh’s interests and theories, as personal as he tried to keep them showed up in his file somewhere. The higher ups had handpicked him for this mission because of it. The official story was that Frank had been captured but in reality he defected to further his own research with a like minded individual. Our mission was really to force Frank back into the fold and take Stein along with him.
The more he talked the more I could tell his heart was fully committed to this mission and the final assault tomorrow. I’d never seen someone so… alive. In my extremely long life I don’t think Id ever felt that kind of conviction myself. So I promised him I’d have his back tomorrow no matter what.
Morning broke and with it our assault began. Intel on the German defenses was shoddy at best but we never expected what we’d actually run into. At least three times our number acted as guards so a distraction was in order to give us a window of entry. A few of the men would handle the distraction “however they saw fit” to quote Marsh. Then Marsh and I would make our way into the compound itself and the rest of the platoon would cover us.
For what its worth most of the plan went off without a hitch. A tremendous explosion signaled Marsh and I to press the advantage and rush the confused soldiers that lay in front of us. Some actually turned and ran from me, apparently word of my stunt in the trenches yesterday had spread quickly. The rest of the platoon followed behind us but then our luck ran out with the roar of an engine.
An honest to god panzer tank rolled out of a tunnel we hadn’t seen that ran under the compound and turned its barrel towards us. I almost didn’t hear the blast from how slow time seemed to move. But move it did as the explosion of the shell’s impact scattered bodies left and right. The shell impacted behind us but the sheer force of the blast threw Marsh and I to the ground, knocking us unconscious.
When I slowly came to my eyes couldn’t believe what I was seeing. A man dressed in red priestly robes with a matching red top hat was walking between the bodies. When he approached one that groaned out with agony he’d kneel down and whisper things I couldn’t hear to them, after that he’d snap his fingers. sometimes the person he was talking with would disappear other times they would fall silent and sometimes it didn’t appear that anything happened at all.
Just the sight of the man terrified me and I wasn’t sure why. It was an instinctual reaction, the second I lay eyes on him I froze up and ice cold fear crept its way up my spine. When people accuse me of being the devil this man is who I think of. Even today I’m not sure what it is he does or why. What I do know is that he never looks the same. I’ve seen him appear as male, female, even as an animal on a few occasions but I can always tell. The second I’m near him no matter what he looks like the same old feeling comes over me.
Once my vision had finally focused in on the man he seemed to notice without ever looking at me. I blinked and suddenly he was there, kneeling over me.
“Would you like to live.”
He rasped down at me with a voice that seemed to boom around me no matter how quiet it must’ve actually been. I felt like a child again, staring at Archer for the first time. I’d never really had to fear death before but here I was, sure I was about to meet my end right here. In all honestly I wasn’t injured all that bad, I probably could’ve survived with or without this man help. But something told me that if I said no he’d make sure I would die right here.
“Ye…y… yes”
I stuttered out, barley able to form the words through the pain that stabbed throughout my body.
“You will be my instrument for one night at a time of me choosing.”
The man replied. I stayed silent as I stared into his eyes, trying to determine if the sunglasses he wore were tinted or if his eyes really did burn with an infernal red light. The man cocked his head as if waiting for a response to his question. I’m not sure if question was the right word though, there wasn’t much of a choice for me.
Looking back there was always a choice, maybe I could’ve survived on my own merits, found another way. In the years to come I’d wish I just said no, even if it would’ve cost me my life. But thats not what happened. I nodded and the deal maker snapped his fingers. As soon as he had dark clouds flooded the sky and blocked out the sun, allowing my body to begin repairing itself. The man moved on to where Marsh’s body lay and probably made him the same deal as I felt my body healing. Despite that, my consciousness faded again as I strained to try and hear what the man would say to Marsh.
We never actually discussed the man at all. Not then and not in the years since. Maybe that was all an unspoken part of Marsh’s deal. Maybe both of us just wished that man was nothing more than a waking dream, a vivid hallucination. Whatever the case neither of us ever mentioned that man to each other.
The next time I woke up I was chained to a table next to Marsh. We had been captured and brought before the very scientists we were here to apprehend. There were guards around but they all seemed to be waiting for some kind of order. I was certainly surprised when that order came in perfect English, even more surprised when the order was to let us down so we could talk.
Frank and Stein ended up being quite reasonable people. The two let us stay in relative comfort in the compound as long as we agreed to stay and leave them to their work. That was all the convincing it took for me. I understand that the men I’d served with were all dead and that these two were in some way responsible. Maybe that should’ve bothered me more, today it certainly would’ve. Back then I didn’t think the same way, they accepted me for what I was but only briefly, only out of respect for Marsh. What did the lives of people I’d known for so short a time really matter? Writing this now just makes me realize how cold I was before, I didn’t care for anything beyond myself. I’d made no efforts to find Belle since we were separated and how long had I known her, 100 years, more? I may have pretended I cared but when push came to shove I simply tried to make sure I survived.
Marsh wasn’t as cold as me, in fact he almost immediately reached for where his pistol should’ve been when he was unchained. It took Frank, Stein, and myself weeks to convince him that helping would be the right decision. He didn’t like it at first but little by little I think the scientists grew on him. The guards I’d seen our first day here seemed to thin out the longer we stayed. Wether that was a gesture of trust or simply because they were needed for more important duties I don’t know but it certainly eased Marsh’s mind.
I merely observed the scientists most of the time until Stein asked me for a sample of my blood. It didn’t surprise me that he knew what I was but for obvious reasons I was hesitant to give it to him, especially considering what I’d seen so called doctors do with vampire blood. Eventually he wore me down and I gave let him take a sample just to shut him up. After that I became more involved in their research though not by choice. They had me showcasing my abilities and tested the effects of sunlight on my blood. On a few rare occasions Stein even injected it into other prisoners that were brought in, something I put a stop to very quickly. T
hat sample of blood is why Frank and Stein are still around today. Somehow they managed to isolate whatever part of my DNA allows me to age so much slower than a normal person. They took that and spliced it into their own DNA against my recommendations. The crazy thing was it actually worked. Sure they had a newfound appreciation for rare steaks but beyond that I didn’t notice any of the effects that combining vampire DNA with your own would usually have.
As Marsh and I assisted the scientist’s research however we could we both came to the realization that they needed each other to function. Stein lacked a moral compass and was prone to suggest unethical or risky procedures, sometimes going so far as to carry them out without informing Frank. Frank on the other hand preferred caution in everything he did and sometimes I noticed him personally taking and shredding requests Stein had written for test subjects, hazardous materials, or samples from supernatural entities. The two kept a very delicate dance of checks and balances. Stein ever the daring mad scientist and Frank always playing the role of overly cautious genius.
Marsh and Frank got along extremely well near the end. The two would be up at all hours of the night as Frank explained what kind of things really existed in the world. Marsh always shared these ideas of a world where the supernatural and the normal could live together and I think Frank shared that vision. It wasn’t possible, still isn’t but treating the supernatural as something other than monsters couldn’t possibly be a bad thing. I think thats where the idea of the Bureau of Supernatural Affairs really came from, those talks Marsh had with anyone who would listen.
Overtime one of our favorite conversations was what we would do when the war was over and we could leave this compound. Stein wasn’t sure he would, if his research wasn’t going to a man who’d simply use it to cause more conflict he wouldn’t mind staying. Frank wanted to return home, if that was even possible and he asked if Stein would join him. Those two had also become close friends through our months in the lab. That checks and balances relationship they had made them basically inseparable. Marsh’s answer surprised me though, he said he wanted to get out of the military and start a program, something to help the supernatural live closer to normal lives. At least keep tabs on them so that the quality of their lives might improve. I was stunned, I couldn’t believe he’d throw his career away just to chase this pipe dream of his. I didn’t even know Marsh was concerned with that kind of thing. I didn’t have an answer of my own so I said I’d join Marsh and help with this program idea of his. Actually, even Frank and Stein seemed to agree with Marsh’s way of thinking. Little did we know the war would end less than a month after our talk and we’d all get the chance to actually put Marsh’s little idea to the test.
Once the Americans had come and discovered the compound pretty much abandoned aside from us we were all taken prisoner and shipped back to America. We were all interrogated and they either heard what they wanted to hear, or decided anyone we’d talk to about our experiences would assume we were just crazy. We were released back into society under constant surveillance. They even gave us a sizable home in D.C., it was certainly bugged to its core but thats exactly what we wanted.
Through the next year we used Frank and Steins knowledge and my supernatural nature to track down entities all over the country. We made sure that everything was discussed and planned out in the house. That way however was listening knew exactly what we were doing and how successful it was. It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows though, some entities would rather we didn’t know about them. Others were naturally aggressive but some we were actually able to help.
Our escapades as a group of four didn’t last much past the first year. Mostly because our master plan of using the bugs worked perfectly. Ol’ uncle Sam had been listening in and wanted his chance at calling the shots but it meant we became a legitimate organization, the BSA. Technically the acronym was already taken but no one ever complained and Marsh never came up with anything better.
We spent 4 years doing everything we could to improve the lives of supernatural beings everywhere. Not every one of our endeavors was a success but we did some good in the world. One such project was blood banks for vampires. While the blood that gets donated is used for transfusions and the like some was put into cold storage for the BSA. That got distributed to vampires who had come to an agreement with us to stop hunting humans for blood. Some vampires were even selected for jobs at these blood banks, under the supervision of BSA agents of course.
The more human supernaturals like werewolves, vampires, and succubi even used us to find jobs in the world. We made in roads for the supernatural in daily life because of it. Werewolves would use their strength for government construction. Vampire’s long lives made them excellent archivists or history teachers because they actually been there for those events. A succubus’s ability to understand and control someones emotions and reactions made them excellent therapists and conflict deescalation specialists. Those are just some of the fields we managed to get the supernatural involved in. While they usually had to hide their natural they were wildly successful.
Everything went well until that fourth year when I first met Baelen. He was headstrong from the beginning, the powers that be were grooming him for leadership. He was everything they wanted, he followed orders and didn’t question things to much. In short, he was the perfect solution to the inconvenience the four of us caused running the organization as we saw fit. But baleen had a mean streak, he didn’t want to protect the supernatural so much as he wanted to put them in their place. Unfortunately a lot of the research we provided had scared pretty much everyone above us who had never even entertained the idea of the supernatural until now. That meant Baelen’s ideas of monitoring and segregating the supernatural population were popular. So popular that suggesting culling their numbers to keep them in check and under the thumb of the BSA was an idea they actually entertained. That sentiment caught on and our orders became more and more militant.
Every time we disregarded them to do things the way we had envisioned the consequence grew steeper. Eventually Frank, Stein, Marsh, and I just couldn’t stand to see what our BSA had become so we left. We couldn’t do anything else to stop what was coming from the inside, no point in going down with the ship.
After that Baelen quickly ended up heading the whole operation. He still took orders directly from government officials and when the BSA became part of homeland security it became Chimera division. Why they chose such a stupid name I’ll never know but the organization was a shadow of its former self. Before we looked out for the supernatural, tried to help. Under Baelen Chimera just exists to monitor the supernatural and “correct” any issues uncle Sam decides to have with them. They’re glorified enforcers that don’t give a damn how the supernatural actually have it. That’s not to say some good people don’t work for them, people like Belle and even Marsh’s own daughter as far as I’m aware.
It sickens me to think I was a part of it though, for all the good we did maybe it would’ve been better if Johnson Marsh’s pipe dream would’ve stayed just that. I can do a lot but I can’t change the past so I guess we’ll never know. A while ago I heard that something had happened in a little nowhere town out in New Mexico. Pretty much dropped off the face of the Earth. The only reason I even heard about it was through Belle’s letters. Apparently Chimera had to do some huge cover up job and decided it was better if the town just never existed. Maybe I should go myself and see if I can’t piece what happened together. Could be that someone else out there has it in for Chimera and is a whole lot more direct about it than me. I’m just imaging it was some runaway experiment Frank and Stein got up to. I wonder where those two ended up, I’ll have to check up on them sometime. This journal writing is digging up a lot of memories for me but thats probably a good thing. Write them down before I forget again. I think that’ll be all for today then, why do I keep addressing these like someone’s reading them? Not much point to that is there?

Disclaimer: I introduce the problem with Spanish, but I'm still interested on this problem about all the languages.
I'm an Italian native speaker learning Spanish. It's 1.5 years that I live in Spain and I mainly interact with natives in their languages. This said, understanding a group of Spaniards chatting can still be very hard. Sometimes I can get by just fine, sometimes I can listen people for one hour and have no idea of what they're talking about.
This surprises me because of the supposed resemblance of Italian to Spanish, and because I don't struggle that much to read, write or speak. I listen to news podcasts and can understand them just fine, I went through the first season of la casa de papel with subtitles with no problems. I can follow long technical meetings on my job just fine, because the way of speaking in this case is more... standardized, even though the environment is still informal, we're engineers.
Still, depending on the topic I may understand nothing of an informal chat, sometimes I can't distinguish the words in a sentence, they all merge in a single, big blob. I have to say that I don't have a vast vocabulary, and it's surely playing a role in this.
This got me wondering:

• Is this the most difficult part of learning a language?
• Is spoken Spanish particular from this point of view?
• In your experience, were some languages outstandingly difficult to understand when spoken by natives, maybe even languages not too distant from your native one?

Alright, so… I (18F) kinda made this reddit account just to get some feedback about this situation, since I’m too ashamed to ask my parents. The girl in question is 16, and is probably one of the most annoying people I’ve ever met…
(TLDR: This girl I was pretending to be friends with in High School obsessively fantasized about murdering someone for an entire semester, is overbearing as a person, interrogates people on a daily basis and is nosy, injects herself into drama that isn’t her own, throws temper tantrums when she doesn’t get her way, constantly touches people and makes unwarranted comments about girl’s bodies, asked me to draw CP for her, and MADE FUN OF HER SUICIDAL BROTHER. And I wrote a hate-letter telling her that all of this stuff is a problem, but now I feel bad about it because I think she might actually have mental issues. It’s a really wild ride and a long story, so if you choose to read it, you should expect to be here for a while. And it’s High School drama, so I’ll try to discard the boring details.)
There’s this girl, who… I’ll call her Storm. You’ll find out why. Storm quickly became the most annoying person in one of my classes. Any time she talked, she didn’t have anything interesting to say, but just kept going on and on and on endlessly. It was annoying, but we just kinda played along to be nice.

Well… Around a month into school, Storme started opening up and became comfortable talking about personal topics. She told us this story about how one of her other friends (I’ll call her Katie) “betrayed” her the previous year, and then went on to talk about how much she hated Katie and didn’t care if she lived or died. (Honestly, Katie’s offense was miniscule. At most, she replaced Storm with someone else as her best friend. You know… Regular High School drama that wasn’t that deep.) 

Then Storme started saying ludicrous stuff like “I hope she falls into a volcano”, or “I hope she gets eaten by sharks falling from the sky. Like Sharknado.”. But like… She kept saying it constantly, out loud in class. She ranted about how she wanted Katie to get kidnapped by the Mafia, be flown up to the moon, and be dropped into a black hole to become “Katie-spaghetti”. It was honestly really funny at first, so me and a few other people in the class joined in a little bit and added our own stupid, childlike scenarios. (Katie has a reputation for being… A slut. That’s why it was funny at first.)
But then after this schtick got old, Storm just kept going and going and going… She ranted about Katie until it physically hurt to hear her talk anymore. Instead of adjusting herself like a normal person, she just kept yapping until everyone rolled their eyes every time she opened her mouth, because we knew she would just keep going on and on about all of the stupid ways she wanted Katie to die. Even the damn teacher told her to stop doing that, but she never listened and the teacher eventually just gave up.
Katie then gradually started to get more morbid with the things she was saying, to the point where I genuinely considered calling the cops and getting this girl some grippy socks. She talked until she became red-faced, started tweaking, and laughed in a neurotic, nervous angry way while she started wringing out her trembling hands. She genuinely looked and sounded unhinged, and what didn’t help was that she started saying stuff like “There aren’t metal detectors in this school, right?”, and “I wish I wasn’t such a good person, because if I wasn’t, I’d be acting on my impulse to cave her skull in the next time I see her. One of these days I’m going to snap and then just do it..” …Yeah, so I was genuinely considering getting the police involved in this because of those two sentences. Thankfully Katie is safe and sound to this day and Storm never acted on these “impulses”. I’m so glad it worked out that I didn’t have to call the cops, but I was seriously worried for a minute…
She continued to talk about Katie, but mostly to me. She talked about this topic endlessly, her words getting increasingly violent until Christmas break. Yeah… 5 months. She ranted about the ways she wanted Katie to die for 5 whole months. Months. But then when she was done ranting, she finally shut up.
She wrote a note to Katie after Christmas break explaining “You hurt me really badly, but I’m a Christian so I forgive you and I hope you the best”... As if she didn’t rant about her for 5 months straight. Make it make sense. But enough about that. Here’s where my fuck ups began.
I gave her my number and we started saying we were friends, even though I never liked her. I started sending her some art (I'm an artist), and she started asking me some questions about it. She asked if I had ever drawn p0rn in my life. Of course, I said no because I didn't.
And then my worst nightmare: “Have you ever drawn p0rn of them?” …Of course I didn’t, because that would be CP… Plus I’ve never thought of those characters as being “sexual”... They’re literally 14 and 15 years old.
Then basically, she made an indirect “suggestion” for me to draw them together. I said fuck no. Hell fucking no. She tried to convince me to draw them “aged up”, but again I refused. She put me off from drawing those characters ever again. I haven’t drawn them since and I don’t take my sketchbook to school anymore because I don’t want her to see my drawings and be reminded of that BS.
But enough about that… Storm is a church-going girl, and so she has a few church-going friends. (This also makes everything I’ve said before all the more ironic.).
I’ve heard many stories about how Storm interrogates other people, too. If she sees a guy/girl’s name pop up on the screen of someone she knows, she’ll pester them until they give her one of two answers: either “I’ll tell you later”, or the actual answer. She’s done that to me too, in front of everyone in class.
The thing that upsets me about this is that she claims to be “nosy”, but thinks it’s a positive attribute rather than an annoying one. She brags about being “nosy” sometimes.
And the sexual assault… Since we were in a sports medicine class, our projects involved a lot of hands-on things. That didn’t bother me by itself, but with Storm, it was a nightmare. This girl, in the process of strapping an ice bag to my thigh, called my thighs “small”, and said that I have a “beautiful body”. We also did shoulder stretching stuff the next week, and I happened to fall under her care while she stared into my eyes and made weird faces at me, all the while she made sound effects and made the process much more uncomfortable than it needed to be.
One week, we ended up as partners again and she ended up wrapping my shoulder. This shoulder-wrap wasn’t an issue for me, but having her as a partner made it an issue. As expected, she made sound effects, but this time she stated the obvious as if it was new information that nobody would have ever suspected: “Wow, this is squishing your boobies huh?”... Emphasis on the word “boobies”. Jesus Fucking Christ, it was already awkward as hell before she even brought that up, why would she say something like that?? I didn’t even realize that until she brought it up.

In fear of being subjected to her uncomfortable BS again and feeling violated, I texted her and told her that she’s been making me feel uncomfortable, and to please stop being so…. Weird. I get it’s an awkward thing to wrap up your classmate’s thigh, but that’s a moment to keep comments to yourself. Her response? “I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY-” Just… Stop it. I didn’t introduce the topic as a big deal and told her not to worry about it, but she kept apologizing for it nonstop. Just endlessly, like everything else. Even when I tried to change the subject to something else, she just kept apologizing for it practically until she went to bed. (She has a bedtime at 9:30… At 16 years old.) All of this stuff contributed to my overall hatred toward her. I don’t like her at all, and it’s a wonder I didn’t explode and insult her entire personality and deplorable behavior to her face (Meg Griffin style). Things are just so awkward and awful whenever she opens her mouth, and it just doesn't ever stop. But because of all of this, when it came time for my Senior prom, I decided to secretly invite one of my friends from that class as a plus one, and NOT Storm. I was worried that if I told her that to her face, I would all of a sudden be the new “Katie” in her conversations, because the infraction Katie did was so miniscule that it seemed to be less like a “betrayal” than what I did. (In hindsight, it was probably the other way around.) So… I just kept the whole thing to myself and so did the friend I took to prom (I’ll call her Beyonce. Because… She loves Beyonce.). If this wasn’t bad enough, strap in because not even three weeks ago, Beyonce was doing her usual schtick of making fun of random things. She once made fun of cool whip and the entire state of Texas at the same time and somehow made it make perfect sense. She should really have a comedy show, I swear. But this time, Beyonce was making fun of the name “Gage”, saying “Why would anyone name their kid after a 12-gage shotgun?” and “People named Gage seem untrustworthy. I wouldn’t want to be near one in a zombie apocalypse, because he’d just feed me to those fuckers.”. Funny stuff. Storm then said “My brother’s name is Gage”, and in order to preserve the flow of the conversation (and also to tick her off a little, I’m ngl), Beyonce asked her: “Is your brother untrustworthy?” And then without a single millisecond wasted, she said, in a Disney Channel comedy fashion: “Welll… We can’t trust him with his own life, sooo…”.. And then she laughed as if it was funny. Like.. Rib-stitches type of laughing. ….So then the others (understandably) went quiet, which left only me and her. Then my idiot ass decided to say what I was thinking at that moment: “You don’t seem to be taking it seriously. That’s your brother, but you don’t sound sympathetic at all.” I felt bad for that statement, so I apologized for it over text when I got home from school. Quickly, we erupted into an argument, (with me holding back), and she ended up saying “What does it matter to you? He’s not your brother. If Beyonce said that about her brother, you’d laugh. But when I do, it’s bad.”. Beyonce’s brother is 8 years old…. So no, that would be even worse. …So then I had to explain to her how human decency works, and how making fun of your s*icidal siblings isn’t funny whatsoever and how that joke could be considered to be in very poor taste, even for people who like dark humor. When me, Beyonce or Mark made “suicide” jokes, it was about OURSELVES and it was usually in a statement like “I don’t want to take a test next period, I’m gonna kms.”... …Storm ended up getting so mad that we weren’t having a conversation anymore; we were just throwing shit around. I told her that if she was being livestreamed at that moment, she’d be bashed on the whole internet for a week or so and be called “evil” for that joke. In hindsight I shouldn’t have said that, but my goal was to tell her how people perceive those jokes. I ended the conversation and the next day, I apologized to her again. I retracted my statements and told her that I was sorry for talking out of line. She accepted the apology, and things went back to “normal”. She forgot about it, but I didn’t. …So here are the reasons why I feel bad, before I delve into the contents of the “hate letter” I wrote to her. Here’s a list of my crimes: 

• I pretended to be her friend for an entire school year.
• I hid the fact that I was going to prom with Beyonce from her, and then lied to her face repeatedly whenever she asked if I went to prom or not.
• I got into business that wasn’t my own and criticized her.
• I wrote a hate-letter to her that I directed her to read at home on the last day of school.

…Here’s why I feel bad: Storm doesn’t seem to be emotionally intelligent and is unable to control her mouth whenever she feels strong emotions. All she wants is to be listened to and understood, but nobody can and nobody truly wants to. She feigns confidence and goes overboard with compliments in the hopes of catching the attention of people who want to be friends with her. She’s not used to change and is very naive, to the point where (just yesterday) she quit her job at a fast food restaurant after only the first day of working there. For the longest time she didn’t have access to the internet, so she doesn’t really have a means to connect with other people through sharing videos or memes or whatever.

…I feel like a bad person because I knowingly, intentionally played into all of this just for the pathetic reason of making her shut up in class. It’s despicable what I did, and I’m beating myself up for it every day. I was just originally going to leave the school, block her and never talk to her ever again in my life, but when she made that joke about her brother, I decided (stupidly) to take it upon myself to be the bearer of bad news. I gave her a letter. Within the “hate letter”, it isn’t actually hate, per se. It’s more like… A report on the behavior she needs to fix, as well as an admission to my lies over the course of this whole year. I told her the awful truth. I told her about everything I mentioned in this post and tried to keep it “professional”, though I did end up going as far as to say “you have all of the attributes of an obnoxious piece of stale bread”........... And what’s worse is… I told her to read it on the last day of school, and my reasoning is pathetic at best. I told her to read it on the last day of school because I didn’t want her to burden the class with her nonstop ranting about me, since she, Mark and Beyonce are sophomores and I’m the only senior in the “friend group”, which means that I left the school an entire week earlier than them. I’ve been intentionally delaying her pain and still talking to her over text acting like things are “normal” so that she doesn’t read it early, knowing damn well that on that last day of school, my words are going to hurt her so badly that she might not be able to recover for a while. In the letter, I told her that by the time she reads it, I would have already blocked her because I don’t want any more conversation with her due to me feeling so bad and having nothing more to say. If the plan goes right, she’ll read it on May 23rd, and on that day I will block her. I feel awful for all of this. I feel like a monster for this. It’s painful knowing that I’m going to cause her pain and that I planned when it’s going to happen, but at the same time I feel like she deserves it. But at the same time, I know damn well that it wasn’t my place to do that. I should have left everything alone. Nobody I can talk to irl would even hear me out; they’d just stop at the words “hate letter”, which means my only option is to seek advice from people on Reddit. Do my motives for doing things make sense? Am I actually a bad person for this? Am I the asshole? Does she deserve what she’s getting? 

Edit 1: I removed some asterisks (they're annoying). Edit 2: I attempted to shorten it or say things in simple terms. I also fixed spacing and stuff. Sorry.

INTRO

• Dan John has once again released another book, and I, once again, voraciously consumed it, because Dan John could write instructions on a tube of toothpaste and I would read every single word of it. In turn, I’ll save you all the suspense of reading this full review just to say: yes, BUY Dan’s latest book, because irrespective of if you run the program(s) in it, the book itself is pure concentrated Dan John gold and absolutely worth any price tag. And, since the book JUST came out and I JUST finished reading it, I want to be clear that I am not reviewing the PROGRAM(S) in the book, but just the book itself.
  
• But I certainly see myself using what’s in the book someday.
  

WHERE AND WHAT

• To start, you can get the book here
  
• There are 3 books listed. Do yourself a favor and buy all 3, BUT, if you want the one I’m talking about, it’s the one listed “The Armor Building Formula: Bodybuilding for Real People eBook”
  
• And that, in turn, describes WHAT this book is: bodybuilding for real people. In that sense, bodybuilding does not mean “bodybuilding”: the competitive event wherein you put on posing trunks, step out on stage and get evaluated on your physique, nor is this a book to achieve the goals OF that event. This is a very classical sense of the word bodybuilding: to build one’s body, through the concentrated effort of resistance training, in order to specifically achieve an increase in the size of one’s muscles (and, ideally, muscles that are pleasing to the eyes of others). And by “Real People”, he’s referring to those of us that live in the real world and have real world obligations (work, family, school, etc) and don’t get to live the influencer lifestyle of being able to train for hours a day everyday.
  
• There’s a fair chance that YOU are a real person who is also more interested in Dan John’s bodybuilding than in “bodybuilding”, so you may find that the contents of the book appeal to you.
  

WHAT YOU GET

• Inside the book is THE Armor Building Formula, which is Dan John’s bodybuilding program that is entirely reliant on just kettlebells. Before you stop reading because you don’t have/don’t like kettlebells, there is a section with barbells too, I’ll talk about that too. But yes: you get Dan’s program in this book.
  
• “Armor Building” is here because it references an idea Dan has regarding “armor building” in the athletic sense: putting on the muscle in the right spots that allow a collision athlete to be able to handle what is thrown at them. BUT it ALSO references Dan John’s “Armor Building Complex” (ABC), which is a kettlebell complex that does a fantastic job of accomplishing this very goal of building armor. The ABC is comprised of 2 double kettlebell cleans, 1 double kettlebell press, and 3 double kettlebell front squats. It is a fantastic full body complex that hits just about everything, and can be used to absolutely blow out your lungs, finish out a kettlebell certification, get strong AND, in the case of this book, bodybuilding.
  
• The OTHER half of the Armor Building Formula is the kettlebell clean and press, with Dan providing 4 specific pressing variations to satisfy to ADHD demands of any trainee. Dan makes a compelling argument for WHY the KB Clean and Press reigns in the world of physique building, specifically referencing how a pair of big strong shoulders and well developed glutes tend to be the secret to a wonderful physique. Given my own prescription in “Chaos is the Plan”, you know I’m a fan of this philosophy.
  
• In the book, Dan details an 8 week program to follow for the Armor Building Formula. In true Dan John style, there are no prescribed weights, reps or sets: merely guidelines BUT, with an end goal in weeks 7 and 8: 30 ABCs in 30 minutes, and 100 KB clean and presses. Very similar to Mass Made Simple, you know the goal going in (squat your bodyweight for 50 reps) and you know the method: it’s on you to do the work.
  

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE

• Also contained in the book is “The Barbell Armor Building Formula”: a program that can be run with just a barbell. Dan John’s Barbell ABC is premised around 2 movements: the “continuous clean and press” and the front squat. For those of you that speak strongman, the continuous clean and press is “clean each rep and press”, as opposed to “clean and press away”, wherein you clean the weight once and then do all your presses. With this, Dan gives you 3 programs to be run sequentially for a total of 11 weeks, followed by another 8 week barbell program that includes a few more movements (curl, press, row and deadlift) which, with some breaks, totals out to 20 weeks of training.
  
• On top of THIS, Dan ALSO gives you a prescription on how to perform the ABC if you only have one kettlebell, along with what to do if you only have mixed loads (no 2 KBs of the same weight).
  
• He ALSO includes methodology on including his “Easy Strength” program into these bodybuilding programs, which I personally appreciated because it meant I wasn’t absolutely off my rocker when I combined Easy Strength with Mass Made Simple.
  
• Dan ALSO includes a few other programs in the book, one simply titled “A Bonus Program”, which requires a bit more equipment (most notably, a machine row), one of Reg Park’s programs, a sample of Frank Zane’s programming (more as an example of what the book ISN’T…but hey, it’s still there), and some helpful warm up instructions too.
  

WHAT YOU ALSO GET

• Just tons and tons of nuggets of Dan John wisdom, all on the topic of bodybuilding for sure, but also very easy to expand into the realm of for real training in general, and life as well. Dan goes into topics on warming up, cooling down, the value of walking, nutrition, the science of muscular development, historical precedents, strength standards, etc. It’s 198 pages, and they’re all pretty awesome.

WHAT COULD BE DONE BETTER?

• If you are the kind of guy that just wants someone to lay out a program for you: that’s not this book. It takes a LOT of reading to even get to the program in the first place, and once you get there, it’s in a narrative style, rather than a prescriptive style. I, personally, PREFER that manner of delivery, and, in turn, enjoyed the hell out of this book, but I know that some folks are going to get chapped about this.
  
• I’ve heard Dan speaking about this book a bunch on his podcast, and he actually almost quoted whole sections of it in answering some questions (which is awesome, because it’s like you have a printed copy of his podcast), but despite all the time and effort reading, reviewing and editing, there’s still a few typos and sentences that start and end the same (something like “lifting weights is one of the greatest ways to achieve physical transformation is lifting weights”). Given my blog (and most likely this very review) is full of these issues, I’m not one to judge, but those paying for a product might be put off by it.
  
• Some of the sections in the book are just blatant reprints of articles previously written by Dan. They’re still incredibly on topic and value added in the book, but if you’ve already read them before, it can feel like you got stiffed out of content. But, of course, that’s a GOOD thing as well: the fact I was upset there wasn’t even MORE content there means I enjoyed the hell out of it. I’ve read my fair share of books that I wished would just be over.
  
• The only thing keeping this from being a for real “all in one” manual is a lack of actual instruction on how to perform the movements in the program. Mass Made Simple contained that, which I felt was pretty awesome. In addition, I WISH Dan had released this book in 2020, for his sake and the sake of the world, because he would have made a killing giving people full on programs they could run with just some kettlebells or a barbell, and we all would have gotten a lot more jacked if we had this resource.
  

WHAT ABOUT MASS MADE SIMPLE?

• That’s the most immediate question: why would I read and follow THIS Dan John bodybuilding book and not his other one? This is just plain different from MMS, and that’s not a bad thing. MMS is another fantastic book also full of Dan John wisdom on the subject of building mass, but his audience there is less “real people” and more “real athletes”. To run that program, you have to be ready to really do some suffering and put in the work in the gym and at the table. * * You also have to be willing to set aside 6-7 weeks of your life to really dedicate yourself to the effort. In turn, I honestly like the idea of new trainees taking on MMS, because it’s a very solid gut check, recalibrates expectations of the self, and Dan does a great job walking the trainee through the entire program, to include instruction on the movements themselves.
  
• The Armor Building Formula seems far more sustainable than MMS. Dan recommends MMS be run, at most, 2x a year, whereas the ABF definitely has legs to go on for long stretches. ABF is more akin to a baseline 5/3/1 program, while MMS is more like Super Squats, if I were to employ analogy.
  

SHOULD YOU GET IT?

• Absolutely, 100%. No matter your goals or your equipment, you are sure to get something out of this book.

INTRO

• Dan John has once again released another book, and I, once again, voraciously consumed it, because Dan John could write instructions on a tube of toothpaste and I would read every single word of it. In turn, I’ll save you all the suspense of reading this full review just to say: yes, BUY Dan’s latest book, because irrespective of if you run the program(s) in it, the book itself is pure concentrated Dan John gold and absolutely worth any price tag. And, since the book JUST came out and I JUST finished reading it, I want to be clear that I am not reviewing the PROGRAM(S) in the book, but just the book itself.
  
• But I certainly see myself using what’s in the book someday.
  

WHERE AND WHAT

• To start, you can get the book here
  
• There are 3 books listed. Do yourself a favor and buy all 3, BUT, if you want the one I’m talking about, it’s the one listed “The Armor Building Formula: Bodybuilding for Real People eBook”
  
• And that, in turn, describes WHAT this book is: bodybuilding for real people. In that sense, bodybuilding does not mean “bodybuilding”: the competitive event wherein you put on posing trunks, step out on stage and get evaluated on your physique, nor is this a book to achieve the goals OF that event. This is a very classical sense of the word bodybuilding: to build one’s body, through the concentrated effort of resistance training, in order to specifically achieve an increase in the size of one’s muscles (and, ideally, muscles that are pleasing to the eyes of others). And by “Real People”, he’s referring to those of us that live in the real world and have real world obligations (work, family, school, etc) and don’t get to live the influencer lifestyle of being able to train for hours a day everyday.
  
• There’s a fair chance that YOU are a real person who is also more interested in Dan John’s bodybuilding than in “bodybuilding”, so you may find that the contents of the book appeal to you.
  

WHAT YOU GET

• Inside the book is THE Armor Building Formula, which is Dan John’s bodybuilding program that is entirely reliant on just kettlebells. Before you stop reading because you don’t have/don’t like kettlebells, there is a section with barbells too, I’ll talk about that too. But yes: you get Dan’s program in this book.
  
• “Armor Building” is here because it references an idea Dan has regarding “armor building” in the athletic sense: putting on the muscle in the right spots that allow a collision athlete to be able to handle what is thrown at them. BUT it ALSO references Dan John’s “Armor Building Complex” (ABC), which is a kettlebell complex that does a fantastic job of accomplishing this very goal of building armor. The ABC is comprised of 2 double kettlebell cleans, 1 double kettlebell press, and 3 double kettlebell front squats. It is a fantastic full body complex that hits just about everything, and can be used to absolutely blow out your lungs, finish out a kettlebell certification, get strong AND, in the case of this book, bodybuilding.
  
• The OTHER half of the Armor Building Formula is the kettlebell clean and press, with Dan providing 4 specific pressing variations to satisfy to ADHD demands of any trainee. Dan makes a compelling argument for WHY the KB Clean and Press reigns in the world of physique building, specifically referencing how a pair of big strong shoulders and well developed glutes tend to be the secret to a wonderful physique. Given my own prescription in “Chaos is the Plan”, you know I’m a fan of this philosophy.
  
• In the book, Dan details an 8 week program to follow for the Armor Building Formula. In true Dan John style, there are no prescribed weights, reps or sets: merely guidelines BUT, with an end goal in weeks 7 and 8: 30 ABCs in 30 minutes, and 100 KB clean and presses. Very similar to Mass Made Simple, you know the goal going in (squat your bodyweight for 50 reps) and you know the method: it’s on you to do the work.
  

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE

• Also contained in the book is “The Barbell Armor Building Formula”: a program that can be run with just a barbell. Dan John’s Barbell ABC is premised around 2 movements: the “continuous clean and press” and the front squat. For those of you that speak strongman, the continuous clean and press is “clean each rep and press”, as opposed to “clean and press away”, wherein you clean the weight once and then do all your presses. With this, Dan gives you 3 programs to be run sequentially for a total of 11 weeks, followed by another 8 week barbell program that includes a few more movements (curl, press, row and deadlift) which, with some breaks, totals out to 20 weeks of training.
  
• On top of THIS, Dan ALSO gives you a prescription on how to perform the ABC if you only have one kettlebell, along with what to do if you only have mixed loads (no 2 KBs of the same weight).
  
• He ALSO includes methodology on including his “Easy Strength” program into these bodybuilding programs, which I personally appreciated because it meant I wasn’t absolutely off my rocker when I combined Easy Strength with Mass Made Simple.
  
• Dan ALSO includes a few other programs in the book, one simply titled “A Bonus Program”, which requires a bit more equipment (most notably, a machine row), one of Reg Park’s programs, a sample of Frank Zane’s programming (more as an example of what the book ISN’T…but hey, it’s still there), and some helpful warm up instructions too.
  

WHAT YOU ALSO GET

• Just tons and tons of nuggets of Dan John wisdom, all on the topic of bodybuilding for sure, but also very easy to expand into the realm of for real training in general, and life as well. Dan goes into topics on warming up, cooling down, the value of walking, nutrition, the science of muscular development, historical precedents, strength standards, etc. It’s 198 pages, and they’re all pretty awesome.

WHAT COULD BE DONE BETTER?

• If you are the kind of guy that just wants someone to lay out a program for you: that’s not this book. It takes a LOT of reading to even get to the program in the first place, and once you get there, it’s in a narrative style, rather than a prescriptive style. I, personally, PREFER that manner of delivery, and, in turn, enjoyed the hell out of this book, but I know that some folks are going to get chapped about this.
  
• I’ve heard Dan speaking about this book a bunch on his podcast, and he actually almost quoted whole sections of it in answering some questions (which is awesome, because it’s like you have a printed copy of his podcast), but despite all the time and effort reading, reviewing and editing, there’s still a few typos and sentences that start and end the same (something like “lifting weights is one of the greatest ways to achieve physical transformation is lifting weights”). Given my blog (and most likely this very review) is full of these issues, I’m not one to judge, but those paying for a product might be put off by it.
  
• Some of the sections in the book are just blatant reprints of articles previously written by Dan. They’re still incredibly on topic and value added in the book, but if you’ve already read them before, it can feel like you got stiffed out of content. But, of course, that’s a GOOD thing as well: the fact I was upset there wasn’t even MORE content there means I enjoyed the hell out of it. I’ve read my fair share of books that I wished would just be over.
  
• The only thing keeping this from being a for real “all in one” manual is a lack of actual instruction on how to perform the movements in the program. Mass Made Simple contained that, which I felt was pretty awesome. In addition, I WISH Dan had released this book in 2020, for his sake and the sake of the world, because he would have made a killing giving people full on programs they could run with just some kettlebells or a barbell, and we all would have gotten a lot more jacked if we had this resource.
  

WHAT ABOUT MASS MADE SIMPLE?

• That’s the most immediate question: why would I read and follow THIS Dan John bodybuilding book and not his other one? This is just plain different from MMS, and that’s not a bad thing. MMS is another fantastic book also full of Dan John wisdom on the subject of building mass, but his audience there is less “real people” and more “real athletes”. To run that program, you have to be ready to really do some suffering and put in the work in the gym and at the table. * * You also have to be willing to set aside 6-7 weeks of your life to really dedicate yourself to the effort. In turn, I honestly like the idea of new trainees taking on MMS, because it’s a very solid gut check, recalibrates expectations of the self, and Dan does a great job walking the trainee through the entire program, to include instruction on the movements themselves.
  
• The Armor Building Formula seems far more sustainable than MMS. Dan recommends MMS be run, at most, 2x a year, whereas the ABF definitely has legs to go on for long stretches. ABF is more akin to a baseline 5/3/1 program, while MMS is more like Super Squats, if I were to employ analogy.
  

SHOULD YOU GET IT?

• Absolutely, 100%. No matter your goals or your equipment, you are sure to get something out of this book.

Hey Clashers!
In order to foster better discussion on the subreddit, we're going to be redirecting all simple questions about the game and personal progression to this Weekly Questions Megathread. In this thread, you can ask any question you need answered about Clash of Clans, even if it isn't necessarily about learning the game itself. Questions posts with simple answers (anything that one or two sentences can adequately address without discussion potential) will be removed and redirected here.
If you're a veteran player, then please consider scrolling through and answering any questions you see, even if they already have an answer. Hearing multiple opinions is vital, and the discussion will help new players learn about the game.
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First, please check out subreddit's F.A.Q. page for answers and guides to the most common questions or one of the many fine wiki pages for stats and other quick references on all aspects of the game. Coc.Guide, Fandom Wikia, and Clash.Ninja
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So this has been an issue I‘ve had forever, I‘m diagnosed with ADHD and take medication for it and that helps most of my symptoms but on and off my meds I still have a really annoying issue. I always say that I simply can‘t "hear" people when they talk to me but it‘s not literal, I can have a 1on1 fave to face convo and I can hear them talking to me but my brain doesn‘t register the words they‘re saying or if it does it‘s delayed and I often find myself starring into the eyes of the person I‘m talking to with a blank expression on my fave because I‘m trying to figure out what they just said to me. I become aware and self conscious that I do that now because I‘ll literally stare at some for like 1-2 seconds after they finished saying something to me and then I‘ll respond. Oftentimes I‘ll have missed like 50% of what they said so I‘m not even aure what they said to me and I just kinda try to figure it out but I also catch myself giving the wrong reactions sometimes or not realizing I was aksed a question or something.
I‘ve also noticed that people will say something to me and I‘ll respond but then 2 seconds later I‘ll be walking away or aomething and then it hits me and I realize what they actually said and what I thought they said and I responded to was wrong. It‘s like everything is delayed if I even understand what they said at all. Sometimes I just draw a blank on 80% of the words they just said to my face. I‘ve had this same issue im school too where the teacher will explain something and I cannot for the life of me repeat what the teacher just said 2 seconds after they said it, my brain just doesn‘t retain words or something. I also have memory issues where I‘ll literally forget what I did yesterday, I can‘t remember past conversations and sometimes I‘ll say something to my girlfriend along the lines of "I think I had that paper 4 days ago when we hung out", and my girlfriend will respond "We hung out yesterday, we didnt hang out for a week prior" and I‘ll respond "Oh ya, that was yesterday".
I also can‘t process two things at once, I can‘t multi-task, I can only focus on one thing at a time. If two people talk to me at the same time my brain will go into limbo and I won‘t process a single word from either people. I‘m also a very visual person, I struggle to sit and listen as nothing registers but say watching a video or documentary works great for me, images rather than spoken words work for me.
Also If I‘m reading something on my phone or looking at something, my girlfriend will often ask me a question and then geg mad at me when I "Ignored her" but I didnt even process she asked anything sometimes its like I kinda heard her but it didnt register in my brain that she spoke to me and soemtimes I just didnt hear her at all, not because she was quiet, she can be right next to me but its like it didnt reach my brain.
My gym trainer will give me clear instructions, "4 sets of 10 reps" Then 5 seconds later I‘ll grab a dumbbell and I‘ll have to ask again how many reps, and then I‘ll also forget how many sets he told me and sometimes if I‘m setting up equipment or something I‘ll forget the number multiple times and it‘s aggravating I always have to ask again for the instructions, it‘s really troublesome and I find it makes me look stupid.
I get hyper fixated on topics and I read a lot but unless I‘m super into what I‘m reading I‘ll often have to re-read the same sentences 2-3 times before my brain understands what I read.
Is this still just my ADHD or could it be something else, it‘s made me struggle really badly im school in the past but now I notice it affects my social life a lot more where I always have awkward pauses, blank stares or I just cant for the life of me understand what someone said to me.
I‘m 25yo male btw
TIA

I could really use some advice. I recently finished write on for my school. I realized that I've made a huge and super big mistake. I had to write a statement of interest for the journals. For one of them, I realize I wrote three sentences that are directly from this law review article I researched in LRW. It was not intentional-- I had done a lot of research into a kinda niche area of the LRW appellate brief, and I had to ultimately delete it. My professor said that it would be a great topic for a note, just not that relevant for our class. So, after my first draft, I deleted it. Then, during oral argument practice, she asked about that exact issue and I was able to have a super put-together answer. So, then I practiced that answer-- I still have those three sentences memorized. And during write on, when I was totally exhausted from finals (no excuse, I know everyone was tired) I just reiterated that answer that I had practiced during LRW and said I would like to write a note on it. Those sentences are clearly from that article, and although it is more a plagiarism of ideas than phrases, the second half of the second sentence exactly matches the article. I submitted it honestly not even realizing what I did. Then I got sleep and woke up and reviewed my submission and now I am freaking out. I just looked up the article and it really is so similar. I have no idea what to do. I drafted an email to my dean that asked for a meeting, and I drafted another one that explained what I did, and asked if it would be possible to withdraw my application from that journal. I did not send them.
I checked my school's plagiarism policy, and it is a strict liability offense- it does not matter that I did not mean to do it. That made me super worried so I deleted the email drafts. Now I am just totally freaked out and worried. I really don't know what to do about it-- I worked so hard this year and I can't believe I've just done this.

Hello everyone, I am trying to create a Multi-agent Coding Tutor chatbot (or academically speaking "CTS - Conversational Tutoring System") for my course project. We want it to be a personalized tutor, which means that it will teach the person based on their age, level of education, and hobbies or interests.
To instruct this Mistral-7B-Instruct-v0.2 4-bit quantized model, we have added the following system prompt to the model:

system_prompt = f"""Imagine you are a friendly and highly knowledgeable teacher who specializes in teaching {prog_language_to_teach} programming. Your student, who is a {user_age}'s old {user_edu_scope} student and whose understanding and interests is into {user_interest}, is eager to learn and looks up to you for clear, easy-to-understand explanations. For every concept you introduce, provide a brief overview and relate it to a real-life scenario or analogy that will resonate with the student, making it easier for them to grasp the topic quickly. When explaining programming concepts, consider the student's age and their hobbies or interests, tailoring examples and analogies to align with these details. Your explanations should include short, precise programming examples relevant to the student's life and interests. After presenting an example, break it down into step-by-step explanations to ensure the student fully understands. Periodically, engage the student with quick quiz questions or programming tasks that are directly related to what you've discussed. These activities should build on the chat history and context, reinforcing the student's learning and keeping the conversation interactive and engaging. Remember, your goal is to create a supportive, engaging learning environment that adapts to the student's abilities, interests, and pace, making learning Python an enjoyable and rewarding experience.""" 

Mistral-7B-Instruct-v0.2 doesn't have an explicit system prompt, so I had to find a different way to add one to the code for the very first prompt.
model_input = f"[INST] {system_prompt} [/INST]" + f"[INST] {user_message} [/INST]"
Now, on the initial run, the chatbot is doing fine often and as expected. In the case of a 10-year-old Kindergartener who loves "Baby Shark Rhyme," the bot will talk about what he likes. In another case of a 20-year-old shareholder in the share market, the bot tried to teach programming using business analogies.
But the common issues I face are the following:

1. The chatbot is too verbose, especially on complex topics such as Encapsulations. (I have used max_new_tokens=1000, is it causing the verbosity? Lessening to 500 or 750 causes the model to stop on incomplete answers abruptly.*)
2. So far, switching from a coding tutor to a general tutor has been the hardest thing. For instance, if the user is older and asks about something off-topic, like Newton's law or the American Law of Immigration, it immediately switches itself from the coding tutor to that other tutor.
3. Another problem is that it gives the answers right away while it generates the quizzes. Although I tested with different prompts, I can resist this nature.

My biggest problem so far is the 2nd and 1st one, respectively. I have tried adding refusal prompts in the system prompt, but then it slightly refuses to teach those irrelevant topics and then starts making coding examples on it.

 ## Strict Refusal: If the question is not related to programming, respond strictly with a refusal sentence and do not provide any further explanation or code. 

For these cases, sometimes it follows, sometimes not. Also adding too many instructions into the system prompts too big resulting in GPU memory exhaustion after 5-6 long chats. BTW, To mimic a memory feature, I am saving chats to a dictionary.
Since yesterday and again tonight, I've been trying to make the prompting better but haven't been able to. I'm brand new to LLM chatbot programming and have never done this before. This project began a month ago because the idea is unique to my MSc project, but I got stuck in the middle of it.
How can I make the prompting better to avoid the problems that were brought up? Also, can someone recommend a good tutorial on how to make this kind of chatbot? I've been looking for these, but most of the tutorials use OpenAI and/or langchain. For a change, my supervisor wants us to only test with open-source models. We can use Mistral to begin because it fits on the Kaggle notebook we have.
Any suggestion including trying to other approaches, totally changing the system prompt, and trying another one (if you say so, can you please show me one?) and a good & detailed tutorial will be super appreciated. IDK, suddenly it feels so lost.

My tutor usually asks me to do a short piece of writing for homework - normally we go through it in the lesson, but today we ended up not having time, so we just discussed the topic verbally instead. I would still like to get some feedback on what I wrote, though, so if anyone would mind reading through it I'd be really grateful.
I've been learning for almost a year and would guess I'm about A2. I'm quite confident when it comes to simple sentences, but in this exercise I deliberately tried to push myself to use some constructions I wasn't sure about and that I have a feeling I might be repeatedly getting wrong, which is why I would really like for someone to check this piece of writing in particular. Both specific corrections and general comments would be appreciated :)
The task was to write a response to an article listing the 10 best cities in the world to live in.
Я раньше только посетила три города из тех, которые в списке автора: Лондон, где я родилась, Вена и Берлин. В детстве, мне не нравилось жить в Лондоне, потому что я хотела бы жить в деревне. А когда я была подросток, это мне больше нравилось, потому что там было чем заняться, и в те времена стоимость жизни в Лондоне не был стол же высока, как и нынешняя. Но все же я предпочла жить в Ливерпуле, где я была студентка, потому что она была дешевле и жители гораздо приветливее. Сейчас, я соглашаюсь с мнением автора, что у Лондона прекрасная архитектура и интересная культура, но я определенно не думаю, что он для жизни самый лучше город на свете.
Я поехала в Вену только один раз, когда мне были двадцать лет – на самом деле, было мое двадцатилетие. Мы с моим другом путешествовали две недели по западом Европе на поезде. Честно говоря, Вена была наш наименее любимой город из тех, которые мы посетили. Было жара, а на улицах деревьев были нет, поэтому невозможно ходить в тени. Музеев было много, но мы были студенты, и не могли позволить себе заплатить высокие вступительные взноси. Архитектура было прекрасная, но не особенно отличалась от той, что есть в Англии. Единственно, что нам очень нравилось, было «Музей Глобусов и Эсперанто», у которого было много старинные карты и глобусы. Мне было очень интересно, как в прошлом люди представляются мир, прежде чем исследовали все страны и изобрели инструменты, чтобы точно определять своё местоположение и измерить расстояния.
Хотя я немецкая гражданка, но я посетила Берлин только, когда мне было шестнадцать лет. Я очень люблю этот город: у него совсем уникальная атмосфера и история, и до сих пор на культуре и архитектуре смесь западноевропейского и советского влияний (несмотря на то, что Германская Демократическая Республика не была членом Советского Союза). Там также особенные стиль моды и музыки, отчасти благодаря большому числу студентов, как автор говорит, но и из-за историй страны – стиль «панк» в городе в шестидесятых и семидесятых развивался как реакция на нацистская идеология предыдущего поколения. Я очень хотела бы однажды жить в Берлине.
Я никогда не посетила другие города в списке, но мне было интересно читать о Алматы, потому что я подумываю возможность туда в будущем переехать. Я сейчас живу в Сайгоне, и мне он довольно нравится, но думаю, мне тут долго жить бы трудно, ибо я не хорошо умею говорить по-вьетнамски. Я один год изучала вьетнамский язык, прежде чем я сюда приехала, и я собиралась продолжать изучать, пока я здесь жила. Впрочем, я неожиданно влюбилась в русский язык, и я перестала изучать вьетнамский. Я хотела бы переехала в Москву, когда я лучше понимаю по-русски, но думаю, что сейчас для иностранных сложны. Вместо этого, поэтому, мне хотелось переехать в Казахстан. Думаю, что в Алматы живут несколько иностранных, и он близко от гор и красивой природой. Я немного боюсь холодной погодой, но статья заверила мне, что там зимой жизнь не останавливается.

I'm a fan since I was a child, not even a teenager, and I respect all of RH's (and members) work. Having said this I believe HTTT was rushed and some B-side tier like tracks were included just to finish the proyect and move on. All of us know that RH's B-side are INCREDIBLE buy should be put where they belong. I found myself just not listening to HTTT because of the tracklist, so I use Thom's. But it has problems, I will come back to this later.
Here this list is discussed: Thom's Alt Tracklist for 'Hail to the Thief' : radiohead (reddit.com)
So why put aside 4 songs? Well I LIKE THEM but imo drag the album flow. -Young Blood: I like the lyrics and the spooky vibes, the tempo, the claps. When the rush comes in is great, but it sucks the flow. -I Will: it's almost like a survival chant, something Thom will sing to himself to be at ease in the middle of utter chaos. It sucks the flow. -Punch: Very interesting idea and phenomenal execution but i cant find its place here, the lyrics ar off topic for HTTT. RH out of the comfort zone (and this says a lot). -Backdrifts: Its an Amnesiac B-side, no one can tell me otherwise. I like it more than Gloaming (Ill come back to this).
There are problems with Thoms tracklist: Not putting 2 + 2 at the start should be a capital sin, putting Gloaming second should be a death sentence lol. You kill the album with Gloaming second bro, why?
There There in the first half instead of the second is an AMAZING choice, you will hate me for this comparison but i think its the Arpeggi of HTTT, it BELONGS to the beginning.
So how will I fix it? 1. 2+2 2. There there 3. Sail to the moon 4. Sit down, stand up 5. Go to sleep 6. Where i end 7. Backdrifts 8. Myxomatosis 9. Scatterbrain 10. Wolf
-Why? 2 +2 is obvious, There there second shows the potential of this album and its top 10 at the bare minimum RH song. Then we go mellow on Moon to rise again mid Sit down Stand up. Go to sleep > Where I end is just a no-brainer. Late half being Backdrift or Gloaming (i preffer the first) as introduction to the weirdness of Myxo. Myxo > Brain > Wolf is also a no-brainer and it should remain arrenged in this way as in the original LP.
-Gloaming is Thom pushing his electronic ideas before The Eraser and I dont even think it belongs there, I just dont know where to put it but i preffer Backdrifts. I think no one gets the fascination of Thom for this song, maybe it was a difficult one to finish or something, if u know anything comment below. When RH came to Argentina in 2018 people were fainting in the first row and in the middle of the CHAOS Thom started singing Gloaming lullaby style, acapella. I love the gesture, but OF ALL THE SONGS IN THEIR CATALOG why on earth will he choose that? so random, imagine Mr York whispering on clutches: ''funny haha, when the walls bend with your breathing'' like wtf xD
-You're free to comment, leave your list and opinions. This is not out of disrespect but my will to listen to these bunch of songs instead of forgetting about them :/

I have three lessons in a week with an Spanish teacher and I thought of two things that I can do.

1. Choose a topic to talk about, and speak freely about it while he corrects my grammar and pronunciation.

PS. This can be difficult, because I make a lot of mistakes while constructing sentences.

1. Do roleplays with a written transcrips. He said he have a lot of roleplays transcrips and he could give me my part of the transcript, so while he reads his parts, I'll read mine too, as if we was really speaking. However, I would just read, I wouldn't create anything, just speak (read) correct Spanish.

Which of these two activities could make me learn faster? By making mistakes and being corrected or by talking without mistakes until I absorb the correct way?
My pronunciation is good. My problem is making grammar mistakes. My reading and listening are excellent too.

I have three lessons in a week with an English teacher and I thought of two things that I can do.

1. Choose a topic to talk about, and speak freely about it while he corrects my grammar and pronunciation.

PS. This can be difficult, because I make a lot of mistakes while constructing sentences.

1. Do roleplays with a written transcrips. He said he have a lot of roleplays transcrips and he could give me my part of the transcript, so while he reads his parts, I'll read mine too, as if we was really speaking. However, I would just read, I wouldn't create anything, just speak (read) correct English.

Which of these two activities could make me learn faster? By making mistakes and being corrected or by talking without mistakes until I absorb the correct way?
My pronunciation is good. My problem is making grammar mistakes. My reading and listening are excellent too.

How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.
I'm 19y/o. I would say Im a calm person, unless when im tired or when someone angers me. Im the balance between energetic and no energy person. I dont like sticking to one opinion because it feels like im limiting myself, so i guess im open minded. I dont really care about what people think of me unless its about my attitude or if i hurt someone unintentionally. i cant watch kdramas that r js typical, it feels so shallow and cringy. I also like psycho analyzing people. I also overanalyze someone's actions towards me. When i talk about a topic, i mostly talk the generality of it, but sometimes i think about every possible details which makes it hard to commit to one, for example: let’s say someone says you choose your own reality, in a way i get what they mean but i also think abt ppl who actually cant choose their reality. Drake and kendrick dissing each other, my brother asked me whose side im on, which i honestly dont give a crap, because its not connected to me neither i dont care who they are, feels insignificant to waste my brain cells on that thing. I also dont like rude people, like i get you have a painful past but that doesnt excuse how you treat me, i deserve to be treated like a normal human being. The line between right or wrong is kinda hard for me, i think theres no right or wrong in reality, its just based on people’s values and morals. Which ofc i do have.
Is there a medical diagnosis that impact your mental/compartmental stability somehow?
not that i know of
Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
im not religious but i do believe there is some force that does things
What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
im an architecture student, so far i like it, designing a specific building for a specific person to suit their needs and comfort, how they would function inside it, my fav architect is antoni gaudi bc his works, every building's detail has a function or a meaning to it, which is not just existing but serving it's purpose
If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
for right now, i would feel refreshed bc semester just ended and i need to restore my sanity, but if im feeling energetic then i would rather spend it with my friends,
What is your relation with movement and your surroundings? For instance do you prefer a sport or outdoors event? If an outdoors event what is it? And why? If not what type of activities do you tend to engage i?
im not really good at sports, but i do like running it makes me happy i dont know why, i like doing stuff that requires my brain like puzzles, sudoku, video games, movies with complicated plot
How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
honestly depends of what mood im in, but since im an architecture student i tend to touch every material, and be curious about the function of the elements. i like listening to interesting takes on life or anything, that is different from others, but generally idk if im curious or not. im not sure if this considers as curious or not, but i like thinking about life, what is the purpose of humans, why they act selfish or why they act like a bitch generally, trying to find an answer to anything.
Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
i like leadership positions, i like being in control, i like being organized, i think i will do a perfect as a manager lol. when im traveling with my friends i always do the bookings, transport, almost everything
Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
im kinda clumsy but i have great reflexes, i dont really pay attention to my surroundings like if im traveling in a group and some stranger says something i only find out after my friend tells me about it. i like painting, it feels so calm
Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
i like painting, bc i like blending colors, it just feels so free yk. i like listening to music, i listen to almost every genre based on my mood that day, i rly wanna learn how to play on a piano
What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
i dont think about the past, present, sometimes future but lately i stopped worrying about the future instead just making plans, i mostly just think about anything that doesnt really involve time, i be thinking about life, people, or any concept, or just making my own opinions
How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
i like to help even if doesnt benefit me, but if its something absurd then fuck no, im a straightforward person you see, if i dont want to help i js straight up say sry cant help
Do you need logical consistency in your life?
define logical consistency
How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
It is important to me, im more work first, play later person. ive been thinking lately, i thought i wasnt a competitive person but during the process idc if im not the best or worst, but at the result i actually do care, i want to be better, idk why it contradicts, the process and the result
Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
mostly to gain something for myself, when i want something i plan like a scenario in my head of how they would react and what i would say
What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
is it weird that i realized i dont have any beneficial hobbies, ex: playing video games, drawing, im not consistent at anything, i start something and drop it
What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
i like organized teachers, i also like teachers who talk in an interesting way, like connecting the subject to real life or anything interesting. i like teachers who talk in broad sense and not yappers. im really bad at memorizing things, i try to understand rather than memorizing, i like my design classes because u can create something meaningful and good as long as its serving a purpose
How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
before i start doing any project first i break it up into simples things then start doing it
What's important to you and why?
i honestly dont know, as most people say happiness, its not for me, i dont think i know the meaning of true happiness, i dont really feel happy i just feel calm, my main purpose in life isnt being happy, im fine with not being happy. but i do wanna live without worrying about anything
What are your aspirations?
i want to be a good architect that will change my city to a better one, but first i need the power in order to do so. i want to be smarter and more knowledgeable and skillful
What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
i dont like selfish people, but at the same time in try to understand their angle so its kinda hard for me to js say wow shes so selfish bc there r so many perspectives spilling in my head that makes it hard to contribute to one (it happens always, but im working on it). I dont like people who dont try to understand the other person. I hate rooms without windows because it feels so uncomfy, mostly because i need to see the sky to live, if no sky then i feel trapped inside it
What do the "highs" in your life look like?
no worries, like talking to people
What do the "lows" in your life look like?
see the worst in people
How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
as i said i dont really pay attention to my surroundings, sometimes im in deep thought but would really call it daydreaming. When im meeting someone i dont see their outfits but more of what kind of person they are
How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
i do pros and cons, consequences, if its risky but worth the result then im doing it
How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
for now i feel numb, i dont rly care about anything right now prolly bc i didnt sleep for few days doing my project. but i do think its important to open up to someone or tell them what u didnt appreciate about their actions towards you, and communication is the key. but i feel uncomfortable opening about my depressive thoughts because it feels like im asking for attention, but i do say it straightforwardly about questionable actions done towards, bc some people think youre okay to mess with, so if u shut them down at low there wont be high
Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
not really, im not a people pleaser, but sometimes i dont really want to argue i dont agree i just say "i see", since that sentence isnt agreeing nor disagreeing
Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why would you?
depends on the rule, if its messing with my values then i first think about the consequence, if its mild then fuck the rules
What is the ideal life, in your opinion?
having the power to change things
Please ask me questions

As stated in the topic, I have not seen an overarching thread for people to voice out their questions/concerns for the content creators attending media tour (allegedly right now at LA). I have some questions/concerns but I am too lazy to type it out in a concrete manner so I think there should be a post about this so we can come out with some decent questions (whether the content creators base their questions on this post is another issue).
Hopefully people can word their questions/concerns in a concise 1-2 sentences and maybe some follow ups from the answer by YoshiP you would expect.