There is a curious dynamic at work in politics these days. Trump does not appear to be trying to court voters to his standard. If he were, he would be reaching out to Nikki Haley voters and trying to moderate his stances. Instead, he is rejecting her voters and doubling down on extreme positions. Rather than trying to appeal to swing voters, he seems to be trying to whip up his right-wing base to engage in violence on his behalf. In Minnesota on Friday, Trump echoed fascists when he told supporters, "No matter how hateful and corrupt the communists and criminals we are fighting against may be, you must never forget this is not a nation that belongs to them. This is a nation that totally belongs to you. It belongs to you. This is your home, this is your heritage." Saturday, at the annual meeting of the National Rifle Association in Dallas, Texas, Trump floated the idea that he could throw out the constitutional amendment limiting a president to two terms. “You know, FDR 16 years—almost 16 years—he was four terms. I don’t know, are we going to be considered three-term? Or two-term?” he asked the crowd. Some yelled, “Three!” In the same speech, Trump told attendees that the Second Amendment “is very much on the ballot” in November, and he urged gun owners to vote and to “be rebellious.” Then he told the crowd that Biden’s actions were such that if he “were a Republican, he would have been given the electric chair, they would have brought back the death penalty.” This evening, Trump’s Instagram account posted a video of what a newspaper would look like after a 2024 MAGA win. Under the headline “WHAT’S NEXT FOR AMERICA?” were the words “INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH SIGNIFICANTLY INCREASED DRIVEN BY THE CREATION OF A UNIFIED REICH,” a clear reference to fascism and German dictator Adolf Hitler’s Third Reich. It is not clear to me how anyone can any longer deny that Trump is promising to destroy our democracy and usher in authoritarianism. But it is also not clear that he is still a figure that any but the extremes of his base will follow to that end. Hence his emphasis on turning them to violence. His lies have become increasingly outrageous. On Friday he told a crowd in Minnesota that he won the state by “a landslide” in 2020 even though he actually lost it by more than 7 points. At the NRA annual meeting, Trump claimed that his former physician told him he is “healthier” and “a better physical specimen” than the famously athletic former president Barack Obama. At that same event he boasted that he won 31 club golf championships; the day before, he boasted that he won 29. Significantly, he continues to insist that the area around the courtroom is like “Fort Knox.” “There are more police than I’ve ever seen anywhere because they don’t want to have anybody come down,” he said today, “There’s not a civilian within three blocks of the courthouse.” But this is, quite simply, a lie. Virtually no one has turned out to support him. As conservative lawyer George Conway noted today, “There is virtually complete freedom of movement around that courthouse.” Social media contributor Eddie Smith, who filmed the handful of Trump protesters in New York today, put it more colorfully. After noting that “MAGA’s not repping in New York,” he added: “Wait a minute! You guys hear that? There is a mouse pissing on a ball of cotton in China. That’s how quiet it is out here.” Republican lawmakers are stepping in where Trump’s base followers are not. Republicans attacked as unfit for office 2016 Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton for her use of a private email server. They tried to impeach current president Biden on unfounded accusations that he took bribes from foreign countries. Now they find themselves forced to defend a man who is currently the defendant in a criminal trial that is showing that his associates acted like a criminal gang. As Tom Nichols put it today in The Atlantic, that defense is partly because they are afraid of their own voters. Nichols also called out those “now circling Trump like the cold fragments of a destroyed planet” who “resent the people who stuck to their principles.” Those MAGA Republicans lawmakers are, like Trump, trying to gin up anger with lies. Representative Anna Paulina Luna (R-FL), who went to Trump’s Manhattan trial to support him on Thursday, told Jesse Watters of the Fox News Channel and later posted on social media that “[t]hey’re trying to keep cameras out of the courtroom so that the American people don’t see what’s happening.” Former federal prosecutor Ron Filipkowski noted in response that “New York has banned cameras in courtrooms since June 30, 1997.” The most important of their lies, though, is that the 2020 presidential election was stolen and that to protect the 2024 election, it is imperative to police the election. This is the same tactic Trump used in 2020, claiming exactly four years ago that “they send in thousands and thousands of fake ballots.” Those lies have resulted in a huge increase in threats against those whom MAGA perceives as an enemy. Danny Hakim, Ken Bensinger, and Eileen Sullivan reported in the New York Times yesterday that last year, threats against federal judges increased 150% over 2019: 450 federal judges were targeted. Since 2018, threats to members of Congress have increased by 50%, with more than 8,000 such threats last year. More than 80% of local officials also say they have been threatened or harassed. MAGA lawmakers refuse to say they will accept the results of the 2024 election. On Saturday, Wisconsin senator Ron Johnson refused to commit to that fundamental tenet of our democracy. On Meet the Press on Sunday, Florida senator Marco Rubio also declined to say he would accept the election results. Those vying for the Republican vice presidential nomination, including North Dakota governor Doug Burgum and South Carolina senator Tim Scott, have refused to say they would accept the results. Their tactics are working among the Republican base. A CBS News/YouGov poll released this weekend showed that only 47% of Arizona Republicans say they will accept the results of the 2024 election no matter who wins. An equal number—47%—say they will challenge the results if the other side wins. That result is not symmetrical with the Democrats: 82% of them say they will accept the results, while only 14% say they will challenge the results if their opponents win. But people are pushing back against the MAGA narrative. On May 15 the Texas Tribune and ProPublica published a story by Jeremy Schwartz about Courtney Gore, a woman who ran for a Texas school board to combat pornography and critical race theory in the schools, only to find there wasn’t any. When she told the public, her former colleagues turned on her. “I’m over the political agenda, hypocrisy bs,” Gore wrote. “I took part in it myself. I refuse to participate in it any longer. It’s not serving our party. We have to do better.” Steve MacLaughlin, a meteorologist for NBC 6 News in Miami, reported on a new law Florida governor Ron DeSantis signed into law last week that will remove references to climate change from state law. “On Thursday, we reported on NBC 6 News that the government of Florida was beginning to roll back really important climate change legislation and really important climate change language in spite of the fact that the state of Florida, over the last couple of years, has seen record heat, record flooding, record rain, record insurance rates, and the corals are dying all around the state,” MacLaughlin said. “The entire world is looking to Florida to lead in climate change, and our government is saying that climate change is no longer the priority it once was. Please keep in mind, the most powerful climate change solution is the one you already have in the palm of your hands: the right to vote. And we will never tell you who to vote for, but we will tell you this: We implore you to please do your research and know that there are candidates that believe in climate change and that there are solutions, and there are candidates that don’t.” On May 17, former lieutenant governor of Georgia Geoffrey Duncan noted on Amanpour & Company that Trump had done less for rural voters than any other president in modern history. “At the end of the day,” he said, “we just cannot get into the business in America of electing dishonest human beings to represent us…. The world’s watching us. I’m hoping we get this right.” Tonight, Sarah Matthews, who was deputy press secretary for the Trump administration, wrote: “Trump’s continued use of Nazi rhetoric is un-American and despicable. Yet too many Americans are brushing off the glaring red flags about what could happen if he returns to the White House. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” — Notes: https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/may/19/trump-nra-convention-dallashttps://www.rawstory.com/trump-threat-biden/https://nymag.com/intelligencearticle/the-nra-is-weaker-than-ever-how-much-does-that-matter.htmlhttps://time.com/6979795/trump-receives-nra-endorsement-urges-gun-owners-vote/​​https://apnews.com/article/election-2024-trump-minnesota-4f7ebfe7a2e1949d38a7c9894616a985 https://apnews.com/article/trump-election-2024-rhetoric-germany-antisemitism-31002afb91b642c0314223d19e51f427https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/marco-rubio-joins-republicans-hedging-accepting-election-results-rcna153011 https://presswatchers.org/2024/05/trump-choosing-not-to-testify-in-his-defense-should-be-a-banner-headline/https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/19/us/politics/political-violence.htmlhttps://thehill.com/policy/energy-environment/4675594-florida-meteorologist-ron-desantis-climate-change-roll-back/https://captimes.com/news/elections/top-wisconsin-republicans-mixed-on-accepting-2024-election-results/article_2ae8f1e4-1538-11ef-a217-d7802fd5a882.htmlhttps://www.reuters.com/world/us/donald-trump-fire-up-supporters-nras-annual-us-gathering-2024-05-18/,accepted%20the%20influential%20group's%20endorsement)https://www.theatlantic.com/newsletters/archive/2024/05/the-maga-memory-hole/678435/https://www.texastribune.org/2024/05/15/texas-granbury-isd-school-board-courtney-gore/X: BidenHQ/status/1791469492440072359RonFilipkowski/status/1792195770374099083samstein/status/1792188951920361645HueyRey/status/1792635408506912824mkraju/status/1792515853314904293gtconway3d/status/1792548740525363276eddsmitty/status/1792573721615434037atrupastatus/1792626209118884346BidensWins/status/1791609511435714795BidenHQ/status/1792209690664845569BidenHQ/status/1791946911340999113CarlosGSmith/status/1792207611733172238Tim_Walz/status/1791620309105119419BidenHQ/status/1791949552469082444AccountableGOP/status/1791661408641298808SarahAMatthews1/status/1792760772193374274

https://heathercoxrichardson.substack.com/p/may-20-2024

Important context: I am non-binary and no matter what clothes I wear people are usually unsure what gendesex I am. Most people who want to know either ask (the only correct option that isn’t not talking to me), hyper focus on one thing they see in me that proves whatever theory they have, or say some unhinged, nonsensical shit to make themselves feel better or whatever.
Cut to the aforementioned Aldi trip.
It’s a normal trip. I’m not getting much, there are a few people with me, we all share one cart. We aren’t taking up space, there is literally nothing more we could have been doing to stand out other than wearing gay clothing I suppose (for me, a nice polo tucked into a knee length skirt).
Cue boomer couple. I noticed these guys earlier giving me stink eyes but I don’t pay any mind. Since they were pretty focused on me in my group (solo black person in a white group), I assumed they were just racist and continued shopping. There really isn’t any benefit to reacting for me, I need to focus to remember what I’m getting and I forget about them until they lined up behind us.
Fat, short, Boomer manly man is staring daggers at me. I ignore him. His wife at this point is just trying to snap him out of it and asks him what he’s doing. He says “Im trying to figure out what it is” and gestures towards me.
Im over it, so I tell my group mates I forgot something and I leave until it’s our turn to check out.
Some of you may think it was lame of me to not defend myself or yell or get him kicked out of the store somehow but it just wasn’t worth it. Boomers will always feel entitled, there isn’t a lesson to be learned there, just miserable sacks of shit justifying why they’re better than the random 20 somethings they find at the poor store with them.

My 10 year old son had been living at a youth facility for a few months which specialized in treating kids with severe autism and other behaviomental health challenges. I recently learned that he had been sexually assaulted by a staff member on several occasions. The staff member also assaulted another child living there.
The DA has charged the staff member on two separate cases. The other child's proceedings will be happening soon (that one had video evidence so considered a slam dunk) and my son's will follow. This has obviously set him back dramatically in his mental health, and made him more violent towards peers and struggling to trust any adults.
Living in PA. Curious how to proceed with a civil case:

• When is the best time to start a civil case... wait until the defendant has been found guilty in the first case, wait until my son's case has ended, or proceed immediately?
• I live several hours away from where the assault happened. Should I find an attorney in my home town, in the area where the assault happened, or get a high-priced lawyer from Philadelphia?
• So many attorneys say they have experience in child sexual assault cases. How much experience should I look for? What questions do I ask to learn about their experience level?
• What will this cost? Will I have to pay up front, as expenses are incurred, or at the end?
• My son shuts down when this past trauma is discussed with him... hoping to minimize his involvement in this to not set him further backwards in his mental health. How can I make this as easy on him as possible?
• What else do I need to know specific to child sexual assault cases?

I appreciate everyone's help. Obviously this is a new area for me, and it is a bit overwhelming at times.

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I recently read an article saying that Hinge is going to limit the number of people you can match with to prevent ghosting. If you want to talk to new people, you have to "end" current conversations or something. A representative said that "some people are overwhelmed with messages, while others get very little response." Tinder is also rolling out new features to help ease "burn out."
There are a number of reasons why this is happening and why, in general, online dating is bad. One of the biggest factors that everyone seems too skittish to talk about, however, is that men are struggling hard on these sites. The "people who get very little response" are typically men. There are a number of reasons for this.
For one, there are already more men on these sites than women, so that puts men at a disadvantage right from the start. Bumble's recent shake-up should prove once and for all that in the bulk of interactions, the man still makes the first move. Because of that, many women (even totally average women) are likely swamped with messages. They truly *are* overwhelmed. As man messaging a woman, there is a high likelihood that you'll be completely lost in her inbox. She may never even scroll down enough to even see you. And if she does, well, she just went through 50 profiles, you had better go above and beyond to stand out.
This leads to a hyper competitive market where everyone is going out of their way to one up the other guy. If you enter the fray just being yourself, you're probably going to get left behind. You have to post this pic, you have to say that in you bio, on and on. You need to be exceptional to stand out. To quote the bad guy from The Incredibles: When everyone's super, no one will be super. We're at the point where, on the apps, being normal or averge isn't enough because most everyone is "super" or at least playing "super."
Naturally, the best looking and most successful men do better, but they always have, most men understand this, and you can't blame women for wanting the best. However, that leads to a full 80 percent of women going after 20 percent of men, and most times, these men, knowing their value, just want to sleep around and have fun. This leaves a bad taste in many women's mouths while leaving the bulk of men (and women). Women hold out for Mr. Right (whom, they assume, is just one more swipe away), and men...well, men are giving up. Why bother with these sites?
Apps also encourage matching on superficial, surface level traits. They are essentially a meat market. You scroll through profiles like looking through a butcher shop window.
All told, everyone is losing out because of these apps, but in different ways. I foresee more and more men giving up, which will lead these apps to start charging the hell out of their most "successful" members. And really, these apps don't want you to be successful; you won't need them if you are.
These apps are rigged against us and will do whatever they can to encourage return customers.

My spouse and I are having a boy and narrowing in on names - we want the first name to start with an "S" and middle name to start with an "E" to pay homage to two different family members. I'd say our tastes are "left of center," meaning we like slightly unique/non-traditional names but also not anything too out there. I've also noticed I tend to gravitate towards gender-neutral names.
We're strongly leaning towards Skyler for the first name - things we like about it: it's relatively different but not too wacky, the meaning behind it, the nickname Sky, and that we don't know too many people with the name. My main concerns are: it's trendy or maybe even dated (is this a name that was cool 10-20 years ago but dated now? My name is like that, so I'm a bit conscious of it) and even though I consider it to be pretty gender neutral, do people think of it as more of a girls name?
For the middle name, we're leaning towards Emmett - I know it's pretty trendy right now, but the name has significance/meaning in our culture and I'm not as concerned about the trendiness since it's a middle name. With that being said, I'm definitely open to other "E" names - some others we're considering are Everett and Emerson (which I think are even more trendy tbh).
Our last name starts with a K, so the full name would be Skyler Emmett K---. What do y'all think of this combo?

Delivering the commencement address to the graduating seniors at Morehouse College today, President Joe Biden addressed the nation. After thanking the mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, and all the people who helped the graduates get to the chairs in front of the stage, Biden recalled Morehouse’s history. The school was founded in 1867 by civil rights leader Reverend William Jefferson White with the help of two other Baptist ministers, the Reverend Richard C. Coulter and the Reverend Edmund Turney, to educate formerly enslaved men. They believed “education would be the great equalizer from slavery to freedom,” Biden said, and they created an institution that would make the term “Morehouse man” continue to stand as a symbol of excellence 157 years later. Then Biden turned to a speech that centered on faith. Churches talk a lot about Jesus being buried on Friday and rising from the dead on Sunday, he said, “but we don’t talk enough about Saturday, when… his disciples felt all hope was lost. In our lives and the lives of the nation, we have those Saturdays—to bear witness the day before glory, seeing people’s pain and not looking away. But what work is done on Saturday to move pain to purpose? How can faith get a man, get a nation through what was to come?” It’s a truism that anything that happens before we are born is equidistant from our personal experience, mixing the recent past and the ancient past together in a similar vaguely imagined “before” time. Most of today’s college graduates were not born until about 2002 and likely did not pay a great deal of attention to politics until about five years ago. Biden took the opportunity to explain to them what it meant to live through the 1960s. He noted that he was the first in his family to graduate from college, paid for with loans. He fell in love, got a law degree, got married and took a job at a “fancy law firm.” But his world changed when an assassin murdered the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King—a Morehouse man—and the segregated city of Wilmington, Delaware, erupted with fires, looting, fights, and occasional gunfire. For nine months, the National Guard patrolled the city in combat gear, “the longest stretch in any American city since the Civil War,” Biden recalled. “Dr. King’s legacy had a profound impact on me and my generation, whether you’re Black or white,” Biden explained. He left the law firm to become first a public defender and then a county councilman, “working to change our state’s politics to embrace the cause of civil rights.” The Democratic Party had historically championed white supremacy, but that alignment was in the process of changing as Democrats had swung behind civil rights and the 1965 Voting Rights Act. Biden and his cohort hoped to turn the Delaware Democratic Party toward the new focus on civil rights, he said. In 1972, Biden ran for the Senate and won…barely, in a state Republican president Richard Nixon won with 60% of the vote. Biden recalled how, newly elected and hiring staff in Washington, D.C., he got the call telling him that his wife and daughter had been killed in a car accident and that his two sons were gravely injured. The pain of that day hit again 43 years later, he said, when his son Beau died of cancer after living for a year next to a burn pit in Iraq. And he talked of meeting First Lady Jill Biden, “who healed the family in all the broken places. Our family became my redemption,” he said. His focus on family and community offered a strong contrast to the Republican emphasis on individualism. “On this walk of life...you come to understand that we don’t know where or what fate will bring you or when,” Biden said. “But we also know we don’t walk alone. When you’ve been a beneficiary of the compassion of your family, your friends, even strangers, you know how much the compassion matters,” he said. “I’ve learned there is no easy optimism, but by faith—by faith, we can find redemption.” For the graduates, Biden noted, four years ago “felt like one of those Saturdays. The pandemic robbed you of so much. Some of you lost loved ones—mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, who…aren’t able to be here to celebrate with you today…. You missed your high school graduation. You started college just as George Floyd was murdered and there was a reckoning on race. “It’s natural to wonder if democracy you hear about actually works for you. “What is democracy if Black men are being killed in the street? “What is democracy if a trail of broken promises still leave[s]…Black communities behind? “What is democracy if you have to be 10 times better than anyone else to get a fair shot? “And most of all, what does it mean, as we’ve heard before, to be a Black man who loves his country even if it doesn’t love him back in equal measure?” The crowd applauded. Biden explained that across the Oval Office from his seat behind the Resolute Desk are busts of Dr. King and Senator Robert Kennedy, challenging Biden: “Are we living up to what we say we are as a nation, to end racism and poverty, to deliver jobs and justice, to restore our leadership in the world?” He wears a rosary on his wrist made of Beau’s rosary as a reminder that faith asks us “to hold on to hope, to move heaven and earth to make better days.” “[T]hat’s my commitment to you,” he said. “[T]o show you democracy, democracy, democracy is still the way.” Biden pledged to “call out the poison of white supremacy” and noted that he “stood up…with George Floyd’s family to help create a country where you don’t need to have that talk with your son or grandson as they get pulled over.” The administration is investing in Black communities and reconnecting neighborhoods cut apart by highways decades ago. It has reduced Black child poverty to the lowest rate in history. It is removing lead pipes across the nation to provide clean drinking water to everyone, and investing in high-speed internet to bring all households into the modern era. The administration is creating opportunities, Biden said, bringing “good-paying jobs…; capital to start small businesses and loans to buy homes; health insurance, [prescription] drugs, housing that’s more affordable and accessible.” Biden reminded the audience that he had joined workers on a picket line. To applause, he noted that when the Supreme Court blocked his attempt to relieve student debt, he found two other ways to do it. He noted the administration’s historic investment in historically black colleges and universities. “We’re opening doors so you can walk into a life of generational wealth, to be providers and leaders for your families and communities. Today, record numbers of Black Americans have jobs, health insurance, and more [wealth] than ever.” Then Biden directly addressed the student protests over the Israeli government’s strikes on Gaza. At Morehouse today, one graduate stood with his back to Biden and his fist raised during the president’s speech, and the class valedictorian, DeAngelo Jeremiah Fletcher, who spoke before the president, wore a picture of a Palestinian flag on his mortarboard and called for an immediate and permanent ceasefire in Gaza, at which Biden applauded. “In a democracy, we debate and dissent about America’s role in the world,” Biden said. “I want to say this very clearly. I support peaceful, nonviolent protest. Your voices should be heard, and I promise you I hear them.” “What’s happening in Gaza…is heartbreaking,” he said, with “[i]nnocent Palestinians caught in the middle” of a fight between Hamas and Israel. He reminded them that he has called “for an immediate ceasefire…to stop the fighting [and] bring the hostages home.” His administration has been working for a deal, as well as to get more aid into Gaza and to rebuild it. Crucially, he added, there is more at stake than “just one ceasefire.” He wants “to build a lasting, durable peace. Because the question is…: What after? What after Hamas? What happens then? What happens in Gaza? What rights do the Palestinian people have?” To applause, he said, “I’m working to make sure we finally get a two-state solution—the only solution—for two people to live in peace, security, and dignity.” “This is one of the hardest, most complicated problems in the world,” he said. “I know it angered and frustrates many of you, including my family. But most of all, I know it breaks your heart. It breaks mine as well. Leadership is about fighting through the most intractable problems. It’s about challenging anger, frustration, and heartbreak to find a solution. It’s about doing what you believe is right, even when it’s hard and lonely. You’re all future leaders, every one of you graduating today…. You’ll face complicated, tough moments. In these moments, you’ll listen to others, but you’ll have to decide, guided by knowledge, conviction, principle, and your own moral compass.” Turning back to the United States, Biden urged the graduates to examine “what happens to you and your family when old ghosts in new garments seize power, extremists come for the freedoms you thought belonged to you and everyone.” He noted attacks on equality in America, and that extremist forces were peddling “a fiction, a caricature [of] what being a man is about—tough talk, abusing power, bigotry. Their idea of being a man is toxic.” “But that’s not you,” he continued. “It’s not us. You all know and demonstrate what it really means to be a man. Being a man is about the strength of respect and dignity. It’s about showing up because it’s too late if you have to ask. It’s about giving hate no safe harbor and leaving no one behind and defending freedoms. It’s about standing up to the abuse of power, whether physical, economic, or psychological.” To applause, he added: “It’s about knowing faith without works is dead.” “The strength and wisdom of faith endures,” Biden said. “And I hope—my hope for you is—my challenge to you is that you still keep the faith so long as you can.” “Together, we’re capable of building a democracy worthy of our dreams…a bigger, brighter future that proves the American Dream is big enough for everyone to succeed.” “Class of 2024, four years ago, it felt probably like Saturday,” Biden concluded. “Four years later, you made it to Sunday, to commencement, to the beginning. And with faith and determination, you can push the sun above the horizon once more….” “God bless you all,” he said. “We’re expecting a lot from you.” — Notes: https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/speeches-remarks/2024/05/19/remarks-by-president-biden-at-the-morehouse-college-class-of-2024-commencement-address-atlanta-ga/https://www.inquirer.com/news/a/wilmington-del-riots-occupation-martin-luther-king-jr-national-guard-20181207.htmlhttps://www.reuters.com/world/us/morehouse-graduation-thanks-god-woke-class-2024-2024-05-19/

https://heathercoxrichardson.substack.com/p/may-19-2024

Hi everyone,
I wanted to get another POV on this, this is a LONG one so sorry.
I've been married for almost 3 yrs together for 7. I am 30 husband is 40, no kids.
When we dated he was never romantic or very into small gesture things like cards, flowers, opening doors, kiss you before leaving in the morning, like cheesy things or just even like date night just to name a few. I thought I would be okay with that but realized I wasn't and maybe thought it would get better as time went on but it didn't. So I thought okay maybe I'll tell him what I need right because communication is key and no one is a mind reader. So I've told him many times within the 7 years and I realize I only got these things when I said something about it or ask for it, which to me defeat the point if I have to consistently ask for it. I feel I always say from a place of love like hey wouldn't it be nice if we did this more or you know I really would like this more in the relationship because it important to me and makes me feel loved. We discussed love languages and what we both needed out of each other to help the relationship, but every thing was temporary with no permanent change.
Within the 7 years we have gotten married again me thinking it would get better because he said he would do better and I believed him. We've gotten a house a puppy and it's just been alot.
Last year was when I hit my point of him not making our relationship a priority and everything else is coming before us. We had a really bad argument probably the worse since being together. So I told him I wasn't happy and still nothing from him. We started marriage counseling and I was so emotionally detached that I didn't see it helping so I said I wanted a divorce, still no respond from him, he said okay. Over the weekend we talked and decided to work on it in therapy and give it a shot.
In therapy there were some heavy discovery about him - like he didn't take none of my concerns about our marriage over the 7 years seriously and admitted to not taking my feelings seriously. - He didn't need to be married to show commitment -the things I need to feel love he doesn't place value on them just because he doesn't need them. (His love language is physical touch), he can do all those things with anyone -He was draw to me because I challenged him
I was taken back by the not taking me seriously and now I just feel like trust has been an issue for me because I don't feel safe with my feelings or emotions with him. I told him I feel like whenever your partner talks about their feelings or needs why wouldn't you take it seriously this is the person you love, so in that it makes me question his feelings towards me.
I asked questions like would I have to always bring up divorce(which I don't want to do) for you to do things and he couldn't really answer me, will you take my feelings seriously, can you reassure me this won't happen and he couldn't give me an answer on any of it, couldn't reassure basically didn't want to promise anything.
I'm feeling like I made a mistake taking divorce off the table. I don't know how I can come back from this because I feel like he's leaving me to fix the problem he caused. I get the feeling he just wants to stay in the marriage because he doesn't want to start over not necessarily because he loves me, like he rather be in a marriage that's not working vs finding a relationship that will work.
Part of me feels I need to move on but I guess part of me is feeling like it's not a big deal( this is something i am working on in my own therapy I tend to push my feelings under the rug) and something we can work on but I don't know I if it will change after 7 years.
I do realize that I made mistakes in our relationship as well, my communication, not realizing what I need in the relationship sooner, shutting down and I could go on so I do take accountability on where it's due.
Has anyone been through this or something similar? And if so how did you work the trust back? Is it possible?

The following is a comparative study of the Wan Ling Record, other wise known as the Wan-ling Lu, as translated by John Blofeld compared to Jeffrey M. Leahy.
Please note this is the final section as it relates to the comparison. Up until this point I have utilized Blofeld's numbering for the text, however since this remaining section is actually quite long I will be shifting to numbering the remaining sections according to how Leahy broke up the text. Which will leave us with a few parts to this section, 26-1 through 26-10 for example.
Another note, Blofeld's translation continues into what he titles "THE ANECDOTES", and the Chinese versions of the Wanling Lu I have found end with this last section, as seen in Leahy's work which also ends at this section.
云何識自心。即如 今言語者正是汝心。若不言語又不作用心體。如虛空相似。無有相 貌亦無方所。亦不一向是無有而不可見。故祖師云。真性心地藏。 無頭亦無尾。應緣而化物。方便呼為智若不應緣之時。不可言其有 無。正應之時。亦無蹤跡。既知如此。如今但向無中棲泊。即是行 諸佛路。經云。應無所住而生其心。一切眾生輪迴生死者。意緣走 8 作心。於六道不停。致使受種種苦。

Blofeld:

Q: How, then, does a man accomplish this comprehension of his own Mind? A: That which asked the question Is your own Mind; but if you were to remain quiescent and to refrain from the smallest mental activity, its substance would be seen as a void—you would find it formless, occupying no point in space and falling neither into the category of existence nor into that of non-existence. Because it is imperceptible, Bodhidharma said: ‘Mind, which is our real nature, is the unbegotten and indestructible Womb; in response to circumstances, it transforms itself into phenomena. For the sake of convenience, we speak of Mind as the intelligence; but when it does not respond to circumstances,! it cannot be spoken of in such dualistic terms as existence or non-existence. Besides, even when engaged in creating objects in response to causality, it is still imperceptible. If you know this and rest tranquilly in nothingness—then you are indeed following the Way of the Buddhas. Therefore does the sutra say: ‘Develop a mind which rests on no thing whatever.’ Every one of the sentient beings bound to the wheel of alternating life and death is re-created from the karma of his own desires! Endlessly their hearts remain bound to the six states of existence, thereby involving them in all sorts of sorrow and pain.

Leahy:

"It is said, 'How does one understand one's own mind?' This, which today has spoken those words, is truly your own mind. If you do not speak and also do not make effort, the mind-essence thus appears like the empty sky. Non-existence has no features and also has no dimensions. Isn't it always non-existent and also cannot be seen? For this reason the Patriarchal Master said, 'The true nature of mind is Ksitigarbha. There is no head and also no tail. It transforms beings according to their conditions. As an expedient means, it is called wisdom.'¹
If it is uncaused, it cannot be said that it exists or does not exist. When it responds to causes, it also does not leave footprints. Just understand in this way. Today I only direct you to abide in silence. This is practicing the All-Buddhas-Vehicle. The sutra says, 'You should give birth to a mind that is without anything upon which to stand.'² All of the sentient beings in the wheel of birth and death; thinking causes them to move along the wheel. Create thoughts and you will be endlessly within the six paths. This will cause you to be afflicted with suffering and all kinds of bitterness."

• ¹ This is a four line verse attributed to the twenty-sixth patriarch, Puryamitra. See the Zongjing lu.
• ² This quote is from the Diamond Sutra

Parts: [1], [2], [3], [4], [5], [6], [7], [8], [9], [10], [11], [12], [13], [14], [15], [16], [17], [18], [19], [20], [21], [22], [23], [24], [25]
Reference material:
Huang Po on the Transmission of Mind by John Blofeld Page 86
The Wanling record of Chan Master Huangbo Duanji by Jeffrey M. Leahy Page 42
《 黃檗斷際禪師宛陵錄》CBETA No. 2012B

I asked a question on here recently that led to a discussion about antennas. I'm not new to the concept that it's a crucial part of any radio setup, but hadn't given much thought into building one myself. But now that I've started down the rabbit hole of researching them, I'm really excited to try and build my own! Especially since I just got my General and would like to start exploring HF.
So I'd like to try my hand at a dipole for 20m (and maybe even 40m) when I'm visiting my parents in a few weeks and have access to a big backyard (they live in the midwest). Is a dipole really just as simple as 2 stretches of 1/4 wavelength wire with a center feed? I like to be explicit with everything as possible to make sure I understand everything completely. My plan was to use 14AWG pure copper, stranded wire. 14AWG because my understanding is that the thicker the wire the better (for better bandwidth), but also there's a compromise with price and idk, 14 seemed a decent gauge. Copper because it's a great conductor, but if that doesn't matter as much, using aluminum would be nice for the lower cost. And I was watching a YouTube video where the guy recommended stranded over solid because, especially if you're going to be putting the antenna up and taking it down a lot, the solid core wire will be harder to manage and could develop kinks and bends over time.
And then there's the balun. I'd like to try and make my own, but that means I need to understand what it's doing. From what I gather, it's acting as a source of inductance between the feedline and the antenna so that the RF signal in the dipole will not significantly travel into the feedline (because high inductance produces high impedance to A/C), effectively isolating your antenna from your feedline. The reason having the RF signal in the feedline is bad is because a) it means the feedline is part of your antenna, which will introduce asymmetry in your antenna. And b) you have the strong RF signal running in your feedline into your shake, which can be dangerous if your rig is running at high power (although I'll probably start with QRP, so not really a problem). Is all that correct?
How then, do I go about building a balun? Seems like I need a common-mode chock. How do I go about making one of those? And also, I see a ratio shown for different types of baluns. What do those ratios mean and how do I know what is the right one to use?
Finally, what type of feedline should I use and why? I'm not new to electronics, but mostly I've worked with microcontrollers and digital circuits. All this signal stuff is relatively new to me. And there seems to be so many different types of coax and connectors and standards and what not. How do I go about picking one for a specific application?
I know I'm asking a lot of questions. If you only have an answer to some or even one of them, please feel free to just address those specific ones. I really appreciate people helping me out with this hobby and helping me learn all the nitty-gritty details!

Before I get into it, I don’t want a divorce so please don’t suggest it. Also, please don’t judge too harshly. I’m imperfect and so is my husband. Because of that we have an imperfect relationship, but we love and appreciate each other deeply.
Me (23f) and my husband (30m) have been married for just over a year. We got married when I was 22 and dated for 2 years, so our relationship began when I was 20. I grew up in a devoutly religious family, and for most of my life I was just as devout. This meant no drinking, smoking weed, or premarital sex. That is, until I met my now husband. My husband never pressured me into doing any of these things, but he started to invite me and I started to join. This lead me to feeling a lot of religious guilt, but it also started to make me challenge what I had been taught for years.
While navigating our relationship I had to also keep up with college and work, deal with my mental health issues (I have bipolar II), and try to manage this faith crisis I had suddenly found myself in. It didn’t help that I had told my family we had premarital sex (yes, I told them. No, I probably shouldn’t have). So on top of everything else, I felt a lot of pressure from my family to get married so I wasn’t “living in sin”. Additionally, my husband and I were attending a religious school and could be kicked out if we were caught having sex (we could have gone to a different school, but this one was cheap and he was 1 semester away from graduating. I chose to go to this school when I was still a devout member. Many of the religion classes I was required to take would not transfer to other schools. This is why we chose to stay there).
We ended up getting married, and I love my husband. I have finally graduated from that college, and now feel regret about getting married so young. I dated only a few boys before my husband, who was my first boyfriend. I’m also bisexual and never really got to experience that side of myself. I’ve expressed these feelings of regret to my husband and he’s sympathetic, but he doesn’t completely understand. He’s had multiple long term relationships and a handful of sexual partners. I’m not jealous of his past partners, just that he got to have those experiences.
He has told me that he wouldn’t mind experimenting with ENM, and I did have one experience with a girl with his explicit consent. It was fun, but I don’t think I’m in the right place to continue experimenting with that (I am in therapy and I take medications to help manage my symptoms, but I still have a lot to work through).
I apologize for the long backstory, I guess I’m just wondering if you guys can relate or have any advice on how to deal with these emotions? I feel sort of stunted in that area of my life, but it might be because I’m stuck in the mindset of the grass is always greener…

So, been with my guy for 17 months , myself (44F) him , (50M) goes on social media and post occasionally,
I’m listed as his GF, I post to his page at the very least once every few days , mostly of photos of the things we do saying how much we had fun etc.
And of course, I love him,
The issue is… and has anyone experienced this?!?
I’ve had people , friends at first , asking why he never responds to my messages I post, after I explained to them he isn’t on very often etc. they insist he should at least comment when he is on , I’d say it’s at least once briefly every few days to a week . , but left it at that, And Rando’s some at first trying to persuade me to go out with them, they would be more attentive ?! Others just saying things like , your not dating anyone so stop lying… so I get frustrated, I mentioned quiet a few times mostly when people start messaging me again telling me he is “stepping out “ if he can’t respond to a little display of love . Etc.
He says he doesn’t feel the need to display his life to the world , he doesn’t have to prove our love to anyone etc.
I think it just be nice for him to be like , Babe, I got you, and just post something lovingly.
But nope, so today was the last straw, I told him again(yesterday ) someone was saying something in regards to a sweet picture with lack of his comment again.
And today I posted a few pictures of him with messy hair . Which irks him,
He went on and said something funny about hiding in a closet, no response to the sweetest picture of us . So I deactivated the account.
I’m just tired of whomever is being an asshole , and I have no patience or interest in hunting whom ever it is down, tried before and got know where.
My account used to be public, I restricted it to friends of friends : Am I overreacting wanting him to just comment occasionally, just to have my back to stop the asshole comments ?

This is going to be more of a vent so I'm sorry if you're here reading until the end...
M25 - I've always felt like sex is something you'd do with someone you feel comfortable with. Not necessarily limited to marriage but at least for there to be some kind of bond/connection between one and their partner. This is something I've always firmly believed it.
I would say a less than a handful of times have I had someone close want to sext with me and honestly, I felt the closest I've ever been with them (one online relationship and one online close friend). I've never when on a date, never held a girl's hand, kissed, etc. Even now, the closest I'd say would be wrapping my arms around family and friends for a hug so you can imagine how much the sexting with them meant to me. To actually feel wanted and desired in some way, even though things ended badly in both cases. One of the side effects had left me insecure with my body. I've never been the type of guy women would find physically attractive, mainly because I'm extremely short at 5'2. But adding more parts of myself to be insecure about has left my confidence almost non existent.
Lately, the loneliness has been hitting me hard to the point where I'm trying to seek validation by posting nudes and hoping for some positive feedback which is nice at first but it eventually fades away. The other would be seeing if I can sext with strangers to feel some level of desire but after the post nut clarity, I feel deeply like shit... Getting caught in the moment only to come to my senses of how pathetic I really am. If I ever crossed paths with them in person, they wouldn't even consider me as a man or give me the time of day. And I just get buried in my thoughts of how I'll never be what women would want and if I just so happen to get lucky and meet someone, that it wouldn't last because I wouldn't be able to meet their sexual needs or desires.
The combination of everything makes me wish I could abandon my morals and go out and see if I could find someone who'd be interested in sleeping with me. To be able to at least give it a go and learn as much as I can in being able to give someone pleasure. I want to learn how to how to give someone pleasure, get as good as I can and then I feel it'd be a bit more confident in what I can and can't do. That way if I ever do meet someone, I at least would be able to give them the pleasure they deserve. But then it all spirals down with what if this or what if that. Sigh... I just wished that things were different.

I (23F) am a lesbian and I came out to my dad about 4 1/2 years ago. I hadn’t planned on doing it how/when I did and it definitely wasn’t the best way to go about it lol.
I had done one semester of college, but had become severely depressed and was not doing well in school. This was a pretty big deal bc I had an academic scholarship that was covering half my tuition as long as my GPA stayed above a certain point, and my dad was paying for the other half. He had worked hard for years, saving up so that I could go through school with no student debt. (I do not come from money. My parents had me in high school and my dad was still living paycheck to paycheck up until my sophomore year or so). I had decided that I wanted to drop out and go to cosmetology school, but I hadn’t told anyone yet.
The night before the first semester final grades were posted, I got dumped by the girl I was madly in love with and had been up all night crying. The next morning I woke up to my dad banging on my bedroom door bc he saw my grades and was PISSED. I sat on the couch crying as he lectured me but eventually realized I was crying waaayyyy harder and for way longer than the situation called for.
Frustrated, he asked “why are you crying so hard?”
“I’m upset about this but I’m also upset about other things.”
“What other things?”
“Well… the girl I was dating broke up with me last night.”
He paused, looked confused, and said “I thought you were dating boys.”
“…not anymore.”
He wasn’t angry, just exasperated when he said “ok,” walked away, and that was the end of the conversation lol.
As coming outs go, it definitely could have gone a lot worse, but jfc I really gave him a lot to process at 7am that morning. I failed my finals, I’m dropping out of college, I’m going to cosmetology school, AND I’m a lesbian. Surprise!!!
Anyways, flash forward to present day.
My dad is a firefighter and recently he confessed to me that almost nobody he works with knows that I’m gay, despite the fact that they’re basically his second family.
I wasn’t really hurt by this. It is a very macho environment and we do live in the south. He’s afraid that if they knew, then they would be even more weird around him than they already are (my little brother is autistic and my dad frequently has to tell people off for being offensive and ableist). The two firefighters that know are the only two women on the department (basically the only ones he fully trusted to not be homophobic).
Like I said, I wasn’t really bothered by this, but he was very afraid that he’d hurt my feelings. He kept trying to reassure me that he’s not ashamed of me (I never thought he was). To further prove this point he told me that after I came out to him he went to one of the female firefighters, who also happened to be the only other lesbian he knew. He asked her what her experience has been like, what her relationship with her dad is, what her dad did right, and what she wishes he had done differently. Basically he wanted advice on how best to be supportive and how to be a good father to me.
OOF that brought tears to my eyes. My dad has never been good with emotions or vulnerability (my brother’s diagnosis came with the realization that my dad is also on the spectrum. As am I but that’s a story for a different day), but he has worked so hard over the years. He has put in so much effort to learn how to be a more open, loving, understanding, and supportive father and husband. There are so many things that he has done wrong as a parent, but he has always put in the work to do better and I am very grateful to him for that.

The feeling of distance between us growing makes me feel uncomfortable. He is getting farther and farther away from me now. At first I didn’t feel the urge to reach out to him, but now at around 30 days NC I’m feeling it. We are both the dumper and dumpee. I instigated it on 4/08.
We’ve had bad things occurring throughout our short 5 months together, his estranged brother killed himself around 4 months ago, my sister died the day before I melted down and told him I was “letting him go with compassion”. I regret what I’ve done, it wasn’t nasty but it was over the top and I’m ashamed and deeply remorseful over this. A week after I did that I asked if he’d talk to me and he said he was “good.” I left it for another week and tried again, just a video apologizing in earnest and he said “ no need for further apologies. Please stop contacting me.”
I never meant to lose him forever, I just made a decision I regret while I was in full fight or flight mode. I hadn’t really seen him for 3 weeks and my attachment style activated and I tried very hard to not let my feelings and worries grow during that time,to think it wasn’t personal I wanted to be whatever he needed me to be without becoming a problem. Then my sister died and it led to me exploding. It was wrong to do. I hate how big my feelings get and how easily they can control me at times.
Next month will be 2 years I’ve been sober from alcohol. I quit drinking because I would do things like this. I started meditation and yoga and exercise and became pretty proficient at it. I am blessed to be able to learn and acquire new skills quickly. I thought that quitting drinking would be enough for me to not lash out at people and bottle up but it wasn’t.just made it take longer and require more but the impulse is still there and strong. I started therapy a month before the end, I wanted to be in time for him because I was fighting fear of this very thing happening for the duration of our time together and then it finally happened. I self sabotaged.
We weren’t even really together, it’s what’s called a “situationship” I would learn after googling various relationship related topics online. We did all the things a couple did, but he said he wasn’t ready for real and I didn’t understand at the time, I have next to no dating experience despite being 35. I’d just never met anyone who made me feel the way he did in my entire adult life. A few flings but nothing meaningful. I didn’t ever know what I was doing and I had a lot of anxiety all the time. I lost weight.
He would serenade me and I’d listen eyes full of stars. I fucked up and I feel like I’ve done decent healing the last 2 months but I want so badly to message him and tell him it would be different this time, that I understood better. That I’d had the time and separation from him to gain distance and insight into my feelings and behaviors and that I wouldn’t be so uneasy all the time. He wouldn’t have to reassure me. I want to tell him I’m happy, aside from losing him, and that I think if he liked me when I was depressed and anxious, which I was most of the time we knew each other, that he’d really like me when I’m happy. I want to know if he is ok and if he is healing from his loss. I want him to know I still care about him a lot and that I’d do still do just about anything if it’d make him feel better. I hate that he is probably alone most of the time now, unless he found someone new, I don’t think he has but it’s possible.
I don’t want to upset him either. I’m embarrassed and full of shame because I once again let my emotions get the better of me. I failed again. I’m not too down on myself for the failure because I know the ways I’ve improved over the last few years of trying to be better. This is a costly lesson for me.
I hate how he must think of me now. I feel like I can be what he wanted me to be now. My feelings are still there, but they aren’t dictating to me what I’ll do. I have felt like this for about a week and a half and so far have been able to not reach out. My heart reaches though and I can feel the empty space between us.
Forgive me my rant and I know this is hardly full of context, I needed to vent. I worry it’ll look like I was playing games or something but that wasn’t my intent at all ever. I feel like all I did was hurt this man and every single time it was unintentional, but happened the same. I’d look on in horror as I would do things that hurt him. I’d be surprised at how he’d react emotionally sometimes. Each time though he would get farther and I’d only realize how he cared when I started losing it.
I don’t like confrontation I don’t like hurting people, I like helping and I can’t help but feel I just let him down so much because I can’t keep it together sometimes. I’d struggle to know how to talk to him about things and that’s on me.
If nothing had changed I wouldn’t reach out but I’ve been in therapy, both group and individual, reading and doing independent research into attachment theory and other topics as well as enrolling in college for the second time and it’s now been around two months since I started some new medications for anxiety and depression so those should be in my system now too.
I want to be a bit selfish and just tell him I hope he is ok, I miss him, that I’ve been learning a lot, and that I’d like him in my life because I made a stupid decision after feeling on edge for so long and it wasn’t what I really wanted at all, at least not like this. I know this is super long idk what it is really, I guess it’s just a long diary vent type thing. I want to respect his wishes but this is hard. To be so close and in constant contact then nothing. Without any way to look at social media I’ve been feeling that he was a figment of y imagination. Good luck to you all, may we all get what we deserve.

"Update about bla bla posse other songs. Message from luke, the composer: "On the cover of 'Bougez,' from left to right, you have: Nadia Hamzaoui, Emmanuel Deleplanque, Sammy Hammami, and David Bustin.
It all started thanks to Sammy Hammami's mother, who worked in Brussels at a place I frequented daily. We became friends. She knew I was into music and asked me to evaluate what her son and his friends were doing and see if I could help them.
Impressed by their demos, I asked to meet them. Their energy and talent convinced me to sign them to re-record and professionally rework their tracks.
They were influenced by the raggamuffin trend of the time and had an impressive flow, almost unheard of in French at the time.
We started with the track that best reflected the group's range. I also had the idea to make an uptempo remix, more European for the clubs, in the spirit of Real to Reel's 'I Like to Move It.' This made sense on multiple levels, in terms of lyrics and style.
We organized a photo shoot and set up meetings with the biggest labels in Paris. Some labels hesitated to commit, but Olivier Chatelain from Sony Music / Dancepool fell in love with them and signed the group immediately.
This small, unknown Belgian group suddenly went from demoing with friends to major label artists in just a few months. They worked hard to prepare for this transition, especially mastering the uptempo version for live performances.
To get them road-ready, Sony Music placed them on a tour with a lineup of artists across France and Switzerland, alternating between large venues and clubs. From the first date, the group's phenomenal impact on stage and the audience's response made them the highlight of the show.
The feedback from the field to Sony Music opened unprecedented doors for an unknown group, typically reserved for established artists. They were booked on Jacques Martin's essential TV show, numerous youth programs, and at the Midem in Cannes.
Having attended several editions of the top youth magazine 'Ok Magazine' event, I knew Bla Bla Posse had every chance to win over this audience. Their raw urban style wasn't toned down for this audience. But I trusted their personalities and adaptability. By insisting with Sony to convince the magazine to give them a chance, they ended up being scheduled.
Placed at the end of the show, their performance caused a sensation. The electrified crowd screamed, and at the end of their set, the audience rushed the stage, interrupting the show and overwhelming security. The editor, stunned by this unprecedented situation, then set up a series of reports and articles on the group, opening up a whole new audience and a fan club.
Between increasingly numerous performances, the group was recording their first album with Urban Pop Electro sounds. Their second single, 'DJ Let's Groove,' was released to keep fans engaged as the album was taking longer than expected due to their busy schedule. However, the album would never see the light of day due to a conflict with the studio we had an agreement with to develop the group. With trust broken, the group and I decided to end the co-production with this studio and sue them.
Despite the label's excitement about the group's future singles, the climate of uncertainty no longer allowed Sony Music to release new tracks, let alone the album. After two years of legal proceedings, the group eventually dissolved, much to the regret of their fans, ending the promising journey of this group with a meteoric rise." This means that those songs were nost likely copyrighed but never released. So yea they aint linked with smmc

I (25F) from London met a guy from Porto, Portugal through Instagram in 2022. We both traveled to Malta at different times, and he found me through a tagged picture. He liked a bunch of my photos and eventually DM'd me with compliments after I followed him back.
Initially, I didn't think it would amount to anything serious, but after months of consistent interaction on Instagram, I started getting to know him. We talked about the potential of dating, considering that London isn't far from Porto by flight compared to other parts of the UK, like my hometown in Scotland.
We spoke every day, and he flew to London to visit me in February. I even started learning Portuguese. Our dates went great, and we felt chemistry in person. Although English isn't his first language, he communicated well but sometimes struggled to express himself fully in conversations, which was easier for him over text.
We began dating exclusively, and he mentioned wanting to make me his girlfriend at the right time. However, he lost his job towards the end of 2022, which was tough. Despite his situation, he still wanted to meet in London, and we planned for me to visit him in Porto in May 2023. Unfortunately, things went wrong. He was still unemployed and often late picking me up, leaving me to spend two days alone. One of those days, he took his roommate’s grandma to the hospital. I paid for some of our meals, but I sensed he felt pressured.
Sadly, on the second day, I found out my close aunt had died unexpectedly, which I told him about, and I was understandably down. Despite that, I tried to make an effort. However, as the days went by, he started picking me up late, and we spent less time together. Porto was beautiful, but I traveled there to spend time with him.
I'm not confrontational and hate awkward situations. After speaking to friends and family, I messaged him before our last day together, expressing that I felt we hadn't spent enough time together. He responded that just because I was on holiday, it didn’t mean everyone else was. This hurt me, and I dropped it. Our last date felt awkward, and I avoided a goodbye kiss. I felt horrible that night, unsure if I should talk more about it.
Back in the UK, I was annoyed and waited for him to contact me. I sent voice notes expressing my unhappiness and the need for better communication if we were to continue our relationship. He didn't respond, and after a week, I sent another message about him ignoring me. He then unfriended me on Facebook. I was heartbroken and blocked him to move on. I eventually unblocked him earlier this year but never really got over him.
Recently, he liked a lot of my pictures but didn't say anything. I’ve been thinking about our situation and realize that communication was hard, compounded by the language barrier and long-distance dating. For a long time, I questioned whether his intentions were even genuine. It’s affected my confidence in getting back into the dating pool.
I'm not sure if I want to get back together, but I do want to speak to him. I’ve followed him on Instagram, and he followed back, liking more pictures.
Should I wait for him to break the ice, or should I reach out?
Any advice would be appreciated

My brother married an actual psychopath. My brother (40) married the scummiest scum of the earth. Who can only be described as a whore, a psycho, sociopath and an all around terrible human being. It was against the wishes of EVERYONE. For back story…She had a child by another man… and only had him (in november) to live off the government. he met the stray hoe took care of her and her unborn child. they started dating in september and by christmas she had drained his bank account. He moved in with her days after christmas. Proposed. And got married sometime between march and june i honestly can not be bothered to know exactly when. The night before brother was admitted to the er for staph infection in his berries. After the “wedding” that was in the back yard of some pastor . they had a “reception”. Where i photographed/observed the following. A used tampon on washing machine. Shit filled diapers littering the nursery. A surreal amount of clothing on the bed. I said nah im good. And went home. The wedding was in may and she got my brother to legally adopt her child. Im forever convinced if not for my brother she would casey anthony her child. She Munchausened her kid and my brother. Self diagnosing the kid with autism. Pushed or made my brother fall and get multiple concussions. Drugged him with date rape drugs to keep control of him. She was a frequent flier to the ER going to the emergency room for unnecessary reasons. She refused to parent her child insisting that its the worlds job to teach him the bare minimum. She refused to clean as well. Her cockroaches had cockroaches. Cleanliness was mental illness for her. She kicked my brother out asking for divorce. But realized she had to leave bc he paid the bills. She stayed with whoever the hell would take her. Was forced to walk wherever she needed to go. And uttered the words “well i had to walk in the rain so theres my bath for the week” after growing tired of not having his card and money she came crawling back. She avoided parenting like the plague. Every excuse. Uti. Migraine. Yeast infection. Its a tuesday. When her son was 2 she left to go to another state and go to school for being a truck driver. Had no qualms of leaving her kid behind for weeks. Then she dropped out of 18 wheeler school. It seems the wheels on her bus fell off. For someone who doesnt believe proper hygiene was important she didnt believe bathing him and basic care was important. Feet encrusted in dirt and dirt under overgrown nails. It was so noticeable that when i cut his nails his teacher made comment about it. Her family was just as absent as you would expect. Her mother only went to the first birthday party when the child was 6. And didnt even know her own grandchild. Asked another child at the party if he had the best birthday! My mom looked at her and said “yeaaa thats the wrong kid…” Fast forward when the first born was 6 and she birthed her second. This had no change and her parenting never improved. Another child encrusted in dirt. After the youngest turned a year and a half my brother had knee surgery and stayed with us (me mom dad) to recover because she would have made him cook clean and parent. While he was healing for the week he was there she moved in her boyfriend AND girlfriend. By the way she not only a hoe she is a promiscuous hoe with no moral compass. I promised my mom id never call CPS however when the second was 2 i had a friend call cps. Like a special ops team cops went in at 2 am and gathered the children and brought them to me and my parents. We had the 2 year old and a friend of the hoe had the 8 year old. For 2 weeks my brother agonized over his kids being taken. And she had a vacation. She treated it as if having your kids repo’ed as a right of passage. Told the world. Told the teacher. And had the time of her stupid life. In the 2 weeks i had them i had minions collecting screenshots of statuses of her being a bad mother. Which was super easy bc every thought made it to facebook. Such as. “My dentist suggested i brush my teeth at least once a day” “i guess i was doing (brother) with the wrong meds and made him sick” “why dont grandparents raise our children” i gathered these gems and photographic evidence of the state of the house and cleanliness of children to cps, police and eventually divorce lawyer. During their time together the hoe broke my brother mentally spiritually emotionally physically financially. The food stamps ran out in the first week of every month spent on junk soda and unnecessary nonsense. They had to ask my mother for money that accumulated to the tune of $10,000 over 10 years. She is also a gofundme whore. She would start a gofundme 10-12 times a year for any and everything. She decided at one point to go back to school and did an amazon wishlist for school supplies and a gofundme for “gas food and other expenses”. Being the trash human she is she is friends with people of unsavory character. An actual crack head bought her entire amazon wishlist. Which she put on facebook. Yikes. At one point she found a dog and instead of finding the owner she finders keepers that poor pup. Making yet another gofundme for dog expenses. I told my friends i would paaaay them to claim the dog as theirs so my mother didnt pay for yet another mouth to feed. If youre curious about the gofundmes and if they were ever fruitful… when a bull milks a calf will her gofundme work. The final year of their marriage was no less chaotic. The christmas of 2019 she posted on facebook that its so wonderful that her husband is out working and her boyfriend is sleeping next to her and her girlfriend is cooking. Tagging the aforementioned on facebook. My brother was humiliated because infront of church members family and friends his marriage and all the stupidity that came with it was out in the open for all to judge. My brother was at the time a corrections officers and let his kind nature and naivety get him in trouble. A person asked him to take some taco bell to an inmate and in what could only be called a moment of stupidity (sorry mom) he did so. what he didnt know is they put drugs in it and when it was scanned he was arrested. My mom and dad had to bail him out too him home and around 3 am he called me “they voted me out” beyond confused i asked what the hell does that mean? As it turned out. Hoe boyfriend and girlfriend unanimously voted him out of the house. Mind you. Single wide trailer housing 4 adults 2 kids a dog and cats. June of 2020 he moved back in a month later if the children followed. after the actual breadwinner left the house the unemployed baboons could not pay the rent and were kicked out. The three went down to two with the girlfriend being let go. Hoe and boyfriend moved in with her mother. And boyfriend wrecked the car in my brothers name. Dui and head on collision. Car gone! The children stayed with us. The youngest was 2 at the time and began calling my mom “mommy” which pissed off the hoe. And she never contacted them. At the hearing for the divorce she stated all she wanted out of the relationship was not money or visitation. But her maiden name back. TAKE IT. AND LEAVE US THE HELL ALONE. She also used a photo of her kids on a gofundme to get sympathy and posted that to a fetish website. Seeing as the photo was them shirtless i believe that was on purpose. She dumped boyfriend and found a new love in new hampshire. She was in NH for 8 months with her new boyfriend and he lost his job so they moved back down. After a summer of no contact she called and told the children “when i get home we are going to….” And listed about 10 events places and activities to look forward to. None of which she delivered on. After not spending time with them again and choosing to give up her weekend with them to play video games for 30 HOURS STRAIGHT. She eventually in 2024 decided that her and her boyfriend were moving to Massachusetts. Seeing how she is a practicing witch my only hope is the salem witch trials reconvene. She married the dude she abandoned her kids for. On mothers day the children who no longer give a damn she exists were forced to call and tell her happy mothers day. Where the 6 year old proceeded to tell her the older brother got a phone and didnt wanna give her his number. She assured him that as his mother its quite alright to give mommy dearest the number to which the youngest said yea no he doesnt want to. The mouths of babes. She cried and posted on facebook not only do her children hate her but she had to give up her cats too. And wished the “real mom’s of the world a happy mothers day” shes a shit cat mom too! A week after we had spaghetti for dinner and the 6 year old said “i never used to like spaghetti. I only tried it at… whats her names house? Jordan? Yea her house” With their father engaged to a good Godly woman with morals and standards the worst mother to ever mother has been replaced and so far we are all living happily ever after. The moral of the story is if you lay down with dogs you get up with fleas what if you lay down with whores end up with bedbugs and that was a very costly moral

So, essentially, my relationship is long distance. Ever since a few months ago, I’ve been having dreams about other guys I talked to before him, and even my first ever relationship from high school. Some dreams consist of me knowing I’m in a relationship, cheating, and then feeling awful and guilty about it (I would literally never cheat I think it’s disgusting). Other dreams are me reconnecting with past romantic partners, and feeling excited to connect with them again. Specifically my first highschool relationship (it was barely a relationship, I ended it after like 2 months) and one other guy I talked to/had a thing with for like a year. But there’s other guys too, and last night it was about a guy I’ve never met before, but we were in a relationship and so so happy. No clue who he was, but I woke up almost grieving a relationship I never had. Long distance has been a struggle, but god I mean he’s an amazing person. He’s so great. But there’s not really an end date in sight. And it’s depressing so so depressing. Another thing that just shows me it’s seeping into my life is the fact that since these dreams started, my binge/emotional eating kind of started up again. I often go to food and bingeing for comfort when I’m emotionally struggling. I feel disconnected and I find myself almost hoping he does something like cheat on me so I have a reason to break up. I feel awful. I know deep down what I need to do for my mental health, but it doesn’t make it an easier.

I apologize in advance for the length of this thread, but by far this is the user that wrote the most comments in the video of our song. At first, he suggested Scepter and Reign, but he debunked this lead by saying: "Scepter and Reign can be crossed off. I have been corresponding with the lady whose name is mentioned in the legal document, Naomi (first name used with her permission, and only her first name) since Thursday. She was legitimately shocked her name was on the document because in all these years NOBODY ever contacted her regarding it. She thinks they may have realized how much money it would cost and probably withdrew. She knew both bands fairly well, scale of 1-10 she answered "6.5 maybe 7'ish". She designed 1 "logo" for each band that was literally just a sketch she made with their band names on them she could print out in the Xerox store she worked at. Scepter's original name was actually "Dungeon Master" but they changed it to fit their name on her design. As for the abandoned demo from Scepter, she said they abandoned it because they couldn't afford to produce it. They didn't even make it far enough to name their 3 or 4 songs. So, on to the big question, are either bands involved with this song? According to her both bands came out in 1985, and according to her this "The Falling King" song predates both bands by a year or 2. This is not Scepter or Reign, this song is older than both bands. According to her, she first heard this song on a Detroit station while visiting family. Even back then, the Detroit station personnel had absolutely NO CLUE who this was. She remembers her father making fun of the singers accent claiming it was a "Posh" accent and also used to think the lyric was "The fall, the fall in the king" lol. I explained how this song was recorded off of several stations in 1987 and she replied "How many songs do you hear on the radio that are several years old?". She was stumped this was played on Z-Rock because this does not sound like an amateur band to her. She is not the only person to make comments that this does not sound like an amateur band, this sounds professionally recorded and produced, something EXTREMELY few amateugarage bands could have done. I thought i had something, but at least i tried. By the way, apparently Reign still performs in the Pittsburgh area under the name "Metallic Thunder"." (THIS IS HIS LATEST COMMENT) If this is true, it means our search will be even more difficult.
In one of his earliest comments he said this: "My 2 oldest sisters (born in 1970 and 1972) actually remember this song being played by garage bands and local talents in the Coatesville PA area. However, they both swear on mom and dads ashes that the first time they heard this song, a local music festival in Exton PA, I was NOT born yet (I was born in 1984). Even back then nobody could say who it was or what the title was. In fact the one band from Downingtown PA used to refer to it as "The Dungeons and Dragons song". And by that i mean, according to my sisters the lead singers girlfriend (or his sister....they could never tell?) would be in the crowd and when they were ready to end their performance she would shout "Play the Dungeons and Dragons song". My sisters also remember the adults thinking this song was somehow a promotional thing for the PA Renaissance Fair. Unfortunately they cannot offer any clues to the identity of this band or songs title, their guess, back then and still today, was Manowar."
At first, he claims our band is Manowar, explaining: "I do not think Manowar is an obscure band, nor do my sisters. The "obscure" bands mentioned in my postings are all the local garage/amateur bands that they remember playing this song and most of those garage/amateur bands even back then, along with my sisters, were under the impression this was a Manowar song. Many people, not just on this post but others feel this is Manowar "pitch" song, other bands thrown around have been Iron Maiden, Overdrive (Or Overkill, i'm not sure if it's the same band?), Blackmane, Axis and Cirith Ungol (spelling?). Keep this in mind, it's not that uncommon for mainstream/well known bands to have unreleased music in their "library". A good example, ask the most diehard Rammstein fans what their first song ever was, they'll probably answer Du Recht So Gut or Rammstein. Most people have never heard their 1992-1993 pitch song, "Tier" (Monster, beast). In fact, Till Linderman himself stated in 2018 he was unaware Tier was ever recorded by anyone, yet alone put up on the internet. Like this "Fall of the King" song, "Tier" was toted as an mystery song for years but was in a group of 4 or 5 other songs that Rammstein did but never released. One of my favorite bands, Corvus Corax, actually had something similar happen, a song they did back in the early 90's, "Vampire", opening for another band was recorded by a fan in the audience and made rounds on the Neo Folk community ages later. Corvus Corax themselves heard it on a radio station in Denmark roughly 2009'ish and called them asking how and when they got that song because they NEVER recorded it for public use. Personally i cannot give a wager who this is? I am not that good with this genre so i go with what people older than me and much better with this music say. To me it could be Manowar, something they never intended to be released publicly, it could be the Z'Rose a bunch of people feel it is, it could be Overdrive/Overkill (i do not know if these names are the same band or 2 separate ones?), it could be me time traveling impersonating my great uncle Fred......ok that last one was just meant to be a joke lol." Then someone says: "has your sister contacted erik to see about the the song?" and he says "OH HELL NO!!! They haven't spoken since they broke up in 1991-1992. I did reach out to his brother probably a year ago and never heard back."
He suggests it's either Manowar or Sarissa (he mispelled them): "@aSome1 There's some confusion, my sisters never said Z'Rose was playing the song in our hometown area. Local teenage to early college yrs bands were playing it. They recognized this song when I was on a family Zoom chat, i had this song on in the background (by accident actually lol) and my oldest sister (#1 born in '70) asked what i was listening to. I turned it up and she shook her head and asked the other sister (#2 born in '72) "Oh my gosh isn't that that stupid Manowar song Erik and his brother used to play all the time?". Erik was the name of her high school boyfriend. They remember hearing it first at an amateur music fest when my brother (born in '82) was still a baby. Mainly they remember mom fitting all of them in her old "Batmobile" station wagon. By the time i was born in '84 that station wagon was gone for at least several months. The band names they specifically remember playing this, and keep in mind these were "Garage bands" from the 80's were: Venomous Vomit, Razors in your Coffee (Erik's band), Ash to Ash, Cauldron Kings, Coven of Metal, Pridesville, South of Hell and Purgatory. They said there were a few more, but didn't remember....or care....to know their names. (Disclaimer: Several peoples associated with those mentioned bands have been contacted by me and several have replied.....the most common reply is "How the hell do you know us!?" lol)
"I have actually been looking at this song for almost 3yrs. I've had some "good leads" and some "bad leads" and i've also had "WTF leads".......but at the end it is still unsolved. So far the biggest contenders, from people way better with this music than me (I'm more a symphonic or extreme metal person) have been: Manowar, Iron Maiden, OverDrive, Overkill, Onslaught of Destruction and Sonic Mahem. My sisters really believe it is possibly an unreleased or "pitch demo" of Manowar but they also said it might be a Greek band from the early 80's called Sarassa or something like that?"
Then he denies it's Z-Rose: "@lostwavefinder587 I have seen that name tossed around a lot on forums and random chats (this being one of them). Most people way smarter and better with this music than myself seem to have the opinion that it is not Z'Rose. They range in reason from: the equipment sound professional and they were not, the dates don't add up, Z'Rose only did covers so even it is them in the recordings it's still not their song.....one individual (a supervisor at work who lived in Texas during this time frame) actually said "Z'Rose wouldn't have been sober enough to finish that song". I have only heard 1 Z'Rose recording, and unfortunately the person who recorded it (I think the date says 1989?) spends the majority of the 5 minute video talking during the performance so all i hear is them and not the singer. I have to emphasize about %99 of this info i'm presenting is NOT from me but people who know this genre of music way better than me....i'm more Symphonic metal and neo folk (Corvus Corax, Heilung, Faun etc."
"Out of curiosity, since a lot people think this might be Z'Rose, has anyone contacted the family/families of Nick or Joe Cavazos? My "team" is looking into a blog page from 2018 of a pretty intense exchange between a blogger and a woman who is believed to be "Rocker Joe's daughter. In this exchange she states this song is NOT her dad and uncle's band. But it gets pretty rough because the blogger keeps pressing and let's just say some NSFW language is exchanged. I will only say this, the woman's name does match one of the names in Julio "Joe" Cavazos obituary, but they can't tell if it is actually HER or someone posing. I also find it interesting that in another posting of this song someone is claiming to be the nephew of both Nick and Joe.....but about a dozen people ask about this song and he does not answer them......but someone else will ask something unrelated to this song and he answers??"
"About a year ago on another posting of this song, someone had a link to a conversation with a woman who was allegedly Joe Cavazos daughter. She very adamantly denied this was her dads band, Z'Rose. They person kept pressing her and she did not budge a single inch, "NO, its not my dad's band". The only thing that could be confirmed was the woman's name did match a name in Julio "Joe" Cavazos obituary as his daughter. But if it was her or not I can't say? Many peoples on other postings and on forums have all claimed to have gotten in contact with Z'Rose and stated they responded "No" to this being theirs.
So the "Kings Fall" song by Bernard Cavazos is actually a completely different song. He is also not related to the Z'Rose Cavazos. Somewhere I read that the "Kings Fall"/"Fallen King" song by Bernard Cavazos is about a corrupt politician or mafia like "king" not an actual king. Again none of this is from me, it's from things I read, not me.
When 'Wang' did a video about several mystery songs he included this one. In his video (I don't know if he made more than one?) he talked about how that Bernard Cavazos has been contacted and has denied this is his Fall of the King song. If my memory is correct Wang read a message from him explaining his "king" was a corrupt politician or gang leader like king. Wang also mentioned there was another Bernard Cavazos who was a doctor and he is sick and tired of people contacting him about this song"
Someone that replied to him said:
"@CharlesMarkward probably this tape recording was an attempt from them to make something of their own, many bands have started this way, an example is the Brazilian power metal band Angra, they were first meant to be an Iron Maiden tribute but as things went by, they have decided to release things of their own...I couldn't find anything about this "Z'Rose" band in metal-archives, neither at Google with a simple research, but the data gathered until this moment make sense: the Z Rock radio is from Texas, the so called "Z'Rose" band is also from Texas, it was the 80's, so, without internet, this was the way bands used to promote their work...but your story adds some drifts from this sensible data available until now...they are/were from Texas, ok...but until then, they weren't any big group, which means they were probably 9 to 5 salarymen whose musician activity was on weekends and the money earned wasn't enough to keep up with, so, a trip from TX to PA is a long ranged one and expensive for their then standards, I can remember when I've read the Mick Wall's Metallica biography, in which they highlight how hard was for them to go all the way from CA to NY to record Kill em' All, well, unless someone sponsored the so called "Z'Rose from Texas" (like the Zazula couple to Metallica) to play in the events you've mentioned in PA...which means they were good and had potential (this "mysterious recording" doesn't let me lie), because it takes a lot for someone at the other eastern extreme of a big country like the USA to call someone all the way from TX to play in an event when probably there were good bands around and without the need of a sponsorship to travel and get some place to sleep and eat..."
Therefore Charles says: "Also, i am not the one saying it's not them. People much better with much more access to metal archives/records are saying it's not them. BUT, everything you said makes perfect sense to me and I have no argument against any of it. It would make perfect sense if it was a possible pitch demo Z'Rose recorded and kept along for a few years before a station played it. My sisters are %98 certain it was a Manowar song, the only other band they mentioned as a possibility is a Greek band i can't find anything about called something like Sarassa??"
Someone told him to contact Erik: "A little bit ago someone in here suggested i contact my sisters ex and ask where he got this song. I could not get a hold of him, but i did get in contact with his brother he played with. According to the brother they got the song from their aunt who lived in Philly (Center City) and would send them tapes of songs to play. This song was on a tape sandwiched between "4 or 5" Manowar songs. He specifically remembered this for 2 reasons: 1, their aunt wrote "Killing of the king by No Name" and 2, the last song on the this tape was labled as a Venom song (he did not recall which) but was actually "Melody of Love" by Bobby Vinton😂. So i think this is why my sisters keep saying it's Manowar, because if it was on a tape with a bunch of their songs that chances are they heard a crapload of times?"
He contacted Erik's brother (Erik is supposedly the ex boyfriend of one of his sisters) and received this reply: "Erik's brother returned another email I sent about this song. I made a post about it about a week ago. The brother says their aunt who lived in Philly included this song on a mix tape of stuff for him and his brother to play. This song was sandwiched between several Manowar songs and the last song on the tape was supposed to be a Venom song but was actually Bobby Vinton's "Melody of Love" 🤣"
Therefore debunking the possibility it's a Manowar song, he also adds: "She (the aunt) passed in 2014. She would record songs off the radio for them. She lived in Philly (Center City) but also had a place in Florida, so he was never sure which cities radio stations she would record from. This song she wrote "Killing the King?" As the title and "???" as the band name, but it was between several Manowar songs. I think this might be why my oldest sisters are so insistent this is a Manowar song because they may have listened to it with Erik and his brother.....it's a theory lol"
He also thought of Iced Earth as the possible band: "lostwavefinder587 I immediately thought of Iced Earth when I heard this song. Although it's likely just a coincidence, it's interesting to note that Iced Earth was originally called "The Rose".
Someone said to him: "if that's any help, the Greek band's name you're talking about is probably Sarissa. I don't think it's them, though: the vox sound kinda different, and their songs are mostly Ancient Greece-themed." And he replied: "Yes, thank you! All this time I've been spelling it wrong. I gave a quick listen to a demo of theirs from '86. In terms of sound and beat and tempo etc, they are pretty close to this song. In terms of vocals, they sound nothing alike." Therefore, he debunked Sarissa himself.
Now here he changed his version and provides a new lead given by his sisters:
"Holy crap for some reason my last post got cut in half and didn't include the following info, sorry! So the individual i spoke to and got the new possible lead is the former singer of the one band my sisters mentioned, Purgatory, (i do NOT have his permission to use his real name but his stage name was Tarantula). He confirmed he played this song "once or twice" but didn't know the lyrics so they just repeated several "blocks" over and over again. He heard it from a band in NJ and when he asked if he could use the song they replied along the lines of "It's not our song, we don't care" but gave no indication who it was or they even knew who it was? He suggested the band "Knightmare" because they were from Texas and he remembers all of their songs being medieval or medieval fantasy related. Supposedly they wore what looked like full on plate armor (he does not know if it was actual metal armor or something made to look like it). He saw them perform a handful of times because he spent summers in Texas on his grandfathers (mistakenly said uncle in my last post, sorry) ranch and would sneak off at night to "the metal scene" (i do not know if that was a club name or if he just meant that in general?). He began visiting his grandfathers ranch in 1980 and stopped when his grandfather retired in 1992. He gave an estimated timeline for "Knightmare" of 1981-1989."
He corrects himself by saying they are not called "Knightmare": Interestingly, my supervisor at work lived in Texas during this timeline (roughly mid 70's to mid 90's from what i can gather?) and when I asked him about Knightmare he had no idea. But when i mentioned they dressed up like knights in armor he suddenly looked startled and said "That wasn't their name, their name was Battle Battalion or some s*** like that".
But then he says: "So i posted a few months ago about this song, my sisters remember garage bands in the area playing this… I checked every band called Knightmare on Metal Encyclopedia and it doesn’t look like it’s our band." "Forgive my French.....Damn. I thought maybe it could have been a lead but i guess like dozens of others I've come across, dead end. I did a quick search for Knightmare a few weeks ago and I got all excited i saw one band dressed up like monks or Druids, but that band only came out in 2017. I think it's safe to say the name has been used by many bands."
Then someone asks him: "Does the name "Battle Battalion" show up on any Metal "pedia" sites? That's what my supervisor claims this "dressed up in medieval armor" bands name was?" and another one told him: "I saw some bands with Battalion on the metal encyclopedia and discogs and none of them are our band. I don’t think we should go based on what a band wears as our lead."
Then he debunks the Knightmare (and the Conquest) lead: "So a little bit ago i mentioned a band name "Knightmare" as a possibility for this song. Well the band was actually called "KnyghtBlyde" (Knight Blade) and i got in contact with the daughter of the vocalist last night. I played this song for her and after some confliction/hesitation she said it is NOT her dad. The biggest thing was all of her dads songs were based of Aruthurian lore and filled with references to Camelot, Arthur, Morgana, Lancelot, Excalibur etc. Since this song has none of that, its not them. She has no idea who this is. I did a quick search "Conquest 80's metal band Texas" and found 3 results. Conquest from San Antonio, split in either '85 or '87. Conquest from Dallas, '86 - '90. Khan'quest (possibly same band as Khanquistador?), no location given but split up in '88 then reformed in 2000 then......nothing? I could not find anything about any of their songs or demos or releases or band members. But it's obvious I was thinking of the wrong Conquest bands 😂 Conquest was ruled out. Someone who owns the tape was contacted and told us this isn't them."
And he says the singer of KnyghtBlade is convinced this song is from Battallion:
"So a little bit ago I mentioned getting in contact with KnyghtBlyde singers daughter who states that this is NOT her dad. She contacted me this morning, her father thinks this song might be by a band called Battalion. But her father said Battalion also went by the name AAA, Anti Aircraft Assault (or Artillery) in their early days. According to her father AAA/Battalion were from Texas but at least 2 of their members were originally from Chicago. Has anyone ever heard of either Battalion or AAA, Anti Aircraft Assault? The closest I can say is my one supervisor at work mentioned a band Battle Battalion from Texas when he lived there."
Then someone replies to him: "you are right there is a band named Battalion formed in 1984" He says: "I cannot find a single piece of music from this particular "Battalion"? From what I could find they formed between 1983 and 1985, split, reformed under a few possible names, split, repeat. 2 people I asked did say they remember a band of some sort from "out west" Anti Aircraft A-something, but neither could give any info."
Now here, he suggests it could be a Talon song:
"So here's a potential lead for everyone: I was just playing this song for a friend who is obsessed with all metal music. She asked me "Where did you get that Talon song?" Talon was/is a German heavy metal band from the early 80's that released several demos and full on albums between '83-'89. Almost all of there songs were medieval themed, especially their 2 demos. Herr's the thing, they supposedly have 3 unnamed tracks from both demos, one allegedly called "King Slayer". I listened to a bunch of there songs and I have to say there are several songs where the singer sounds exactly like our mystery singer, but then the next song they sound nothing alike. There was one song called something like "Execution" that the opening guitar sounds like this songs opening only slower? I'm not saying it is Talon, but it is possibly something to look into or at least consider?"
He also claimed the singer sounds like Bruce Dickinson (which has been suggested many times):
"I've said many times that I personally feel this vocalist sounds extremely close to Bruce Dickinson. There is a clip of Bruce singing Tom Jones' "Delilah" on either a talk or game show, and his opening of that song is nearly identical to this Fall of the King vocals! Tone, tempo, cadence, pitch......it's really really on spot. I am NOT saying it is Bruce, I'm just saying whoever it is does a good job singing like him."
He says this song could be made by Eviscerator:
"Hello again everyone, has anyone ever heard of a band from Britain, late 70's through late 80's called "Eviscerator"? Very very long story short: I played this song at a Viking/Pagan/Neo-Folk/Black Metal "bar" about half a mile up the road from my place and the one patron who looked like Elvira and Lilith Bathory had a daughter together (HOT HOT HOT) comes over and asked me to replay it and she sang along with the recording with about %95 accuracy! Oddly, at the end after the 4 or 5 "The Fall of the King"s, she suddenly sang "The evil one now wears the crown, all hail the evil one" and head banged for a few moments. According to her, this song was by a band called "Eviscerator" and they always claimed this song was written as a pitch track for the movie Heavy Metal? I mentioned how this song by numerous accounts was recorded here in the USA in 86-87 from stations in Texas, Chicago, Cleveland, NYC and (by only one account) possibly Florida. She didn't feel there was an issue with that as stations will often play random things just to fill the spot including songs that are several years older. I asked about her added line at the end and she stated "I didn't add s*** bud, whoever recorded it must have cut it off before they got to it". I mentioned how numerous people strongly believe this is the work of Z'Rose, she said they probably covered it a bunch of times but it is not their song and even stated that this particular recording sounds like it could be them covering. She was more familiar with Z'Rose than me, she commented "The 3 Cavlaros brothers from Texas right? The singer was the oldest brother Jeff?" (I know that's not their name, i only included it for aunthenticity per context of our discussion, the last name is Cavazos and there was only 2 of them right?). She also told me Z'Rose had about a dozen other names through their years including "Gypsy Rose". I asked how she knew this British band "Eviscerator" and she answered that she lived in London from 78-85 and this song was played a lot on "amateur hour" on several stations, especially university stations. This kind of took me by surprise because i thought she looked younger than me (I'm 39) but she lived in England for college and her first husband in the late 70's??"
"In my last comments i mentioned a bar i went to was going to have a mini concert featuring bands that specialize in black metal and 80's tribute metal and i would play this song to see if any of the band peoples or concert goers would chime in. I did just that and got a few hits on the radar with a few of the band members. The one band, Inviaat, the singer says he remembers this song being played on a radio station in Philly PA for an entire summer because that station was trying to find the band. He does not remember the specific station but said it was near the Taylor University campus (my understanding is that there is several?) because the station thought it was the students from that university's music program. When i asked him when exactly that would have been he said Summer of 1983 because he was married on Halloween 1983 and was hoping the station would find the band so they could play at his wedding. A member from the local band "inductus Mortis" said he recalls that song being played "somewhere in the mid 80's" but does not remember if he heard it in Chicago or Cleveland because he bounced between them. I asked several bands, include the Venom tribute band Poisonous Whisper if anyone had ever heard of a band name Eviscerator from the 80's. Only one person thought he heard the name but it wasn't a band name it was a compilation album of NWOBHM from roughly '83-'84, but couldn't tell me anything other than that. As for the other concert goers, the #1 response i got from them was along the lines of "Dude you can sing, you should go pro!".....in other words they thought it was me promoting myself (I wish i could sing like that!!). the #2 response was people thought it was Manowar. After those 2 the guesses were the usual ones i have seen here and everywhere else this topic comes up: Blackmaine, Axis, Overkill, Overdrive, Black Sabath, Iron Maiden, Anthrax, Slayer, WitchAxe and 2 people even asked if it was an Ozzy Osbourne demo."
"I asked around, including my oldest sisters I've mentioned in my postings, about Eviscerator. The only person who heard of them, the one from this time-frame not the other 8 or 9 bands from the 2000's with that name, said they were a generic ManowaIron Maiden/Judas Priest tribute or more accurately, ripoff, band who sucked. I am not saying I buy this woman's account, but i'm also not discrediting it or calling her a liar. Her familiarity with this song and her accuracy with the lyrics makes me believe she knows this song from somewhere.....what that somewhere is, i can't comment because i don't know?"
"So far my friends and I have several "pings" to look into, the name Eviscerator has absolutely nothing from the time frame we're looking at. But there is (was?) a "Lee Lesaat" Canadian/British "mercenary" (did not belong to any band but would play for others) drummer who now lives in NYC my friends are looking into.
There is an 80's metal/black metal tribute concert this Saturday at the bar I was at last weekend. After the bands play their sets they have an open mic like set up where you can play your own music (as long as it fits the theme). I'm going to try and play this song and see if anyone, bands or crowd or food vendors etc, have any reaction.
And by "pings" I just mean responses/possible possible long shot leads. The guy or girl claiming to be a psychic vampire who time traveled and wrote this song for The Lost Boys movie is NOT going to be one of them😂"
Then someone asks: "What band is this Eviscerator ? I found a band that was formed in 2012 . Furthermore tthe song is not in the metal archives I searched through lyrics was not found." He says: "Allegedly they were in England in the 1980's, but the woman stated 2 of them had New York accents. If all of her account is true and accurate, they were NOT a professional big name band. I did find several bands with the title "Eviscerator" (in different variations) but all of them were from the 2000's. The only "pro" band with that title I could find was a Hungarian band from the mid 2000's. I asked Satanic lady if she remembered any of the other bands that played alongside "Eviscerator" and she only remembered 3: "Band-Shee" (an all female band....get it?) Gargoyle, and Werewolf Tears."
"I have a very very small update for everyone, but it's still an update nonetheless. The mystery succubus looking woman who said this song was by Eviscerator and sang along to it (even when I "accidentally" muted my phone to see if she was just repeating what she was hearing.....she was not) has been identified by my journalist friend! We are going to try and get in contact with her and see if there is anything else she can remember about "Eviscerator" that could help. I'm not going to get my hopes up, but her familiarity with this songs lyrics and the fact she sang almost in perfect synch with the beat makes me feel she really did know this song from somewhere in her past. That or she is a very good actress? Lol
I found only 1 solid, confirmed band with that name but they were from mid 2000's Hungary. But several peoples now and then tell me they remember hearing that name in the 80's as various things; crappy garage band, NWOHBM compilation album/work, some sort of event space or name, most recently someone claimed he thought it was the stage name of a singer but didn't know who or what band. I'm trying to get in touch with the woman who originally mentioned that name."
He posted this comment that lead nowhere: "2 very small updates for everyone:
1) The Viking/Pagan/Goth/Black Metal themed bar just around the corner from me is having a New Years event tomorrow night. They actually agree to give me a "booth" where i can have a "guess this song" set up. And, it will be right next to where the bands play...I'm going to be between the "stage" and the food truck lol
2) The one radio station i submitted this song to will play it on their "X hour" on 1/8/24. It is not a hugely popular segment, maybe a few hundred listeners, but it's better than nothing.
Here's to the New Year and hope this song and numerous others get solved!"
"So the station played this song Sunday night/Monday morning. They played it 4 times between 2:07am - 3:12am. They received 9 calls about it and about a dozen emails (I seriously didn't know they had an email!?!?!?). Unfortunately the majority of contacts were people either asking for them to replay it or people thinking it was Manowar. There were a few Iron Maidens and one or 2 Ozzy Osborne's. Only 2 people stated they heard this song before. Unfortunately they heard it from "some kilt wearing guy at blank bar plays it, I think it's him self promoting". Yes that's me they referenced and no it is not me singing lol"
He suggest matrixx as a possibility: "There's a band called matrixx that has been giving me interest. They were only around for two years due to financial struggles in their stage. If you look up attaxe and fiinal notice they share two members of matrixx. Their drummer and guitarist sound very similar to the band from this song. It's pretty crazy too because they have a song called defy the king. They also had a label to produce their songs which is called Suma Recording Studios. This may be the reason why the audio sounds too good for a small band. I hope that this is the band! Too many good clues that I found"
He debunks the Steven Lindfield lead: "One of the names thrown about here and there on posts about this song is a Steven Linfield ("Lindi") who bounced between Chicago and NYC in the 1980's. His alleged involvement varries between being the DJ who allegedly played it on a NYC station, to being a Chicago stations record manageclerk etc etc. I got in contact with him yesterday. He denies having ANYTHING to do with the airing of this song and does not know how or why his name came up. While he did work at 2 stations (NYC, then Chicago during the summer) he was an overnight watchman (security). However, he does recall this song being played on "some amateur hour crapshoot" in '86 in NYC a bunch of times. At that point in '86 he claims people were referencing it as "The King Song" or "The song of the King" (drawn out to match the singers "The Faaaalllll, the fall of the kiiiiiing") and it was already 2 or 3 years old at that time. He did explain that at least at the Chicago station there was an amateur drop-off slot that the dj's would pick through and play random "no namers" labeling them as "space filler". Because they would be played, literally just to fill space, they were NOT mandated to keep any records of them. Sometimes the dj's would just make up names to some of these. One of his main duties was to check the drop-off to make sure there were no bad things thrown in there instead of cassettes. Another dead end, but at least we rulled out one theory......silver lining??😂 LINDFIELD, not Linfield. Darn autocorrect on this phone."
He is convinced it's a professional band's demo: Thats why a lot people I have introduced to this song think it's a professional band, or at the extreme least an amateur band playing with top level equipment/sponsor? 1983 guy stated they sound like they have equipment his garage band "couldn't even afford to dream about looking at yet alone use". It's also one of the reasons my 2 oldest sisters insist this is a professional band (sister #1 says Manowar, #2 says Manowar or Sarissa) because there are no goofs or mistakes or errors. My sisters gave an example of a garage band from their Kutztown university days, "Freefall Abyss" that self released a demo and in one song you can hear a telephone ringing in the background and in another you can hear a fan or ac unit going.
He contacted a girl named Della: "This song was actually played on an old Philly/NJ station on the segment "Della names your tune" in 2009. I was able to get in contact with "Della" (real name withheld by her request) who at first stated "I played thousands of unnamed songs bud, I probably played this one 100 times, sorry i wont be much help" . Then a few days later replied "I do recall this one, it was sent in from a local listener who had it labeled as Dungeon Master or maybe Dragon Master on a CD with a bunch of old early Manowar, JudaPriest, Iron Maiden, Megadead, Metallica and AngelWitch songs. He or she claimed their father had this song on a tape from his college days. Nobody knew what or who it was back in '09 or '10 and as far as I know nobody figured it out when I left the program in '15." The only name she gave, and I don't know if this was even a real name or the drummers "stage name" was Leopald Lestat.........I do have 2 people looking into it (from a metal dating site of all places). Disclaimer: I know some of those bands are misspelled, I purposefully left it that way because that's how she sent it to me."
"I went down that road, you nailed it right on the head. There is no way to track down who that listener was. The only hint she had, in the form of the note attached to the CD was the person said they were from Radnor PA. I couldn't tell you because the other songs kind of bounce around in terms of year: there's a Judas Priest and an Angel Witch song both from 1980 but then there's a song from Megadeath (I believe Megadeath came out in '85?) and a Metallica song from '86? For some reason my one comment didn't show up? Della gave a pretty big hint, she said the mailing address on the CD was from Radnor PA, but the phone number included was a landline for a Chicago address. Her and the station managers assumed it was a "shadow number" and didn't bother keeping record of it. A lot of her requests had local addresses with out of state phone numbers, cellular and landline."
He suggests Dungeon Masters: "I have a potential lead, "Dungeon Masters" from Pittsburgh PA? Long story short: everyone at work talks about a "hot nerdy chick" who works at the one antique book store in town and she is a music genius and knows EVERY song people play. So i decided to test it. I played this song and she stated "I think thats Dungeon Masters, they were from my hometown of Pittsburgh PA back in the early to late 80's. Thats either Dungeon Masters or someone doing an incredible job imitating them?". Given that Cleveland is only a 2-3 hr drive from Pittsburgh (from what Steelers players say) i think this could be a possible lead and explain the Cleveland recording? Again, this is only a POSSIBLE lead, but i think it has potential?
Currently my one "source" is looking into it. He is not always accurate (as evidenced when we were looking into Conquest) but its better than nothing."
And someone adds this: "Della said the same Dungeon Masters so better look into it"
But he says this: "Close, "Della" stated the listener who sent in the CD had this song labeled as "Dungeon Master?", not a band name. But I am looking into it as best as I can. I found a Pittsburgh band "Dungeon" but they're NOT metal they're an Omnia/Faun like band (neo-folk I think is the term?) formed in 2018. I sent word out to the people I know and my "team". Now it is a waiting game."